#anyway thank you i also love a good metallica reference!

[dashboarddiaries]

My 13th tumblrversary is today, as well as the 10th Dash-Con anniversary today, and the only words I have to share about it are the lyrics to Metallica's "One" -- specifically the "DARKNESS IMPRISONING ME" line, and that this is my curated poison bog, and I'll never leave

omg CONGRATS, lucky number 13!!!

but yeah, "DARKNESS IMPRISONING ME" sounds......about right. at this point, I've for sure got stockholm syndrome for the Darkness.

[keithal]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you've written :)

oh hello! beloved enterprisery this is my fave game to do of all time, so thank u for this :D three things before we get into it: (1) out of respect for u, the first two will be iwtv fics, (2) most of these are my least popular works LMAO and (3) this got pretty long. sorry abt that.

hell and you: modern day devils minion w old man daniel and armand. sometimes i forget how much i like this fic and then i'll remember "i wrote a fic abt armand being daniel's sugar daddy, LOL." it's very funny to me personally. i especially love this bit i threw in:

He fills the apartment with the smell of his cologne and something underneath that it can’t quite mask. A smell like water left to stand too long or flowers left too long in a vase.

i like the idea of vampires smelling like death. i can forgive this tho bc i think in the later installments of the vc anne rice said vampires smell like mayo? which is ... well. at least much more attention-grabbing than what i did.

damn these vampires: an armandaniel fic that takes place immediately after the season finale. this fic was majorly inspired by a thought that woke me up from deep sleep. armand and daniel have history. armand (i'm guessing) blocked daniel's memories. but didn't wipe them. daniel can't access them, but they're still there. so how funny would it be if daniel was jealous of louis being w armand but has no fucking idea why.

He smokes one on his walk back to the penthouse, thinking of how he had stood there in the aftermath, staring at Rashid—Armand—hovering over them like fucking Mary Poppins, his hand interlocked with Louis’s, and—instead of doing what a Pulitzer-winning, seasoned journalist of his caliber should’ve been doing in the face of being this royally fucked over—absurdly, inexplicably, Daniel noted the position of Armand’s thumb: on top.

i make myself laugh.

keep on keeping on, dean winchester: deancas s13 au where jack is a baby. i can't actually think of a part of it that stands out without any context (which, in my opinion, is a good sign), but i can say that i enjoy this part quite a bit:

Friday morning, as they’re making their way through the sticks toward the interstate, Sam says, “Hey, guess what I bought,” and holds up a dusty Sing-A-Long CD. “Fuck no,” Dean says. “We are not listening to Metallica all the way to Sioux Falls with a baby in the back.” “He likes it! Right, Jack?” he calls over his shoulder. Jack makes an incandescent gurgling sound. “See? Kid knows any music made after 1979 sucks ass.” “Singing in early childhood is important, Dean. It helps kids with language development, memory, and emotional regulation, and it entrains their social visual behavior.” “Thanks, Spock. You’re the pride of the Federation.” “Dean.” “Dude, I’m just saying, we can entrain his social visual behavior with the classics. We don’t need that baby crap. It’s the 21st century. All we need is Zep, Cash, some AC/DC—”

i worked really hard to capture dean's voice--like, harder than i've ever worked to scrub my own voice from a piece of writing. the amount of references and sayings in this bitch? sheesh.

i'm also very happy with how the relationship btwn jack and dean developed. one person who commented made a very intelligent observation that even i hadn't realized: i made dean see himself in jack. and it makes sense, doesn't it? jack's mom died bc of the supernatural; he wasn't allowed to process this loss at all; and he was left in the care of a father who'd lost a spouse. a father whose grief made him mean and treated his son like an object (hence the "it" pronouns used in the beginning).

anyway! very happy w how it turned out :)

long live the kingslayer: an elriel mission fic. i've spoken abt it like. a million times by now. and i still love it <3 there's just so much real estate to work w when it comes to elain. she's so underdeveloped that anything u say abt her is almost always pure conjecture. it was so much fun to take a character i loved so dearly and write a story where she was never punished for being who she is.

i'm still very fond of this part in particular:

“Wait,” he said before she could leave. His voice was nearly as hesitant as his expression, flickering between uncertainty and a strange, boyish shyness that was captivating on him. He reached into his leathers—where, she couldn’t know—and pulled out a small container. “Here,” he said, placing it in her hands. She opened it. Inside was a smelly, yellow ointment. “A salve,” he explained, “for your hands.” An unnameable feeling seized her. She hadn’t thought he noticed, never dared mention it out of fear of what he’d think, and this whole time he’d been carrying this salve with him. A salve for her hands. It was a terrible idea. She knew it as soon as it came to her, but she grabbed Azriel by the ears anyway, drew him down to her height, and kissed his cheek. She felt his skin go warm, and she imagined how surprised he must look, how shy. When she pulled back, she saw that his face was indeed dark with color, avoiding her gaze. Simultaneously pleased at her reaction and embarrassed by it. He was magical, she thought, and she loved him dearly. Loved him so much that it broke her heart. “Thank you,” she said. “This will be invaluable.” Finally, a smile from him. Unable to resist it, she brushed the back of her hand over his cheek, fond, and said, “I’ll leave you to rest.”

a lot of acotar fans hate it when ppl write azriel to be soft and shy and not particularly dark at all. me, personally? i think that’s boring. azriel was born into an abusive and violent home and suffered unimaginable torture at a very young age. he developed powers meant to protect him from the horror of his daily life, and those powers made him a great spymaster/torturerer. but it's so obvious that azriel hates his position within the court. he's starved of intimacy and tenderness. he has an extremely reserved and kind nature. it's a much more meaningful to have a character like that find someone who recognizes his gentleness and desire for gentleness in him and offers it to him. those characteristics don't make him any less of a man.

god never wrote a good play in his life: a god/chuck character study written in second person. i genuinely don't know how the toxic sibling relationship btwn amara and chuck doesn't make more people absolutely fucking insane. this story is chuck-centered, obviously, but i don't think anyone realizes WHY i did that. i don't like chuck! i didn't like writing from his perspective! i did it bc all of supernatural is chuck-centered. even when it isn't quote-unquote "his" story, it's still his. the point of the whole thing is for the reader to do what chuck/the show doesn't: break out of what's being told to u! look at the other characters! namely, look at amara.

chuck tries to scrub her from the story completely. the fic is 3k long, yet chuck doesn't mention amara at ALL unless she's onscreen. and even when she is onscreen, we can't trust a fucking thing he says! as exemplified here:

Maybe that wasn’t how it happened. Maybe you and your Sister were perfectly capable of creation. It would be absurd if you weren’t. Surely it wasn’t possible that you couldn’t create anything together. If you were in harmony, that should have implied you, together, would excel at it. She was an eccentric mind, designing balls of gas and entire solar systems that resembled you, right where all your rings met. (The most terrifying thing She came up with was the collapse of a star, where it became a gaping black mouth that swallowed everything in sight. You and I, She explained, perfectly in balance.) You were far less excitable, putting all your focus into the one planet you’d claimed as your own, but as you watched Her in those moments, you privately invented jealousy. Maybe you were lying about the lying. Perhaps They did give you counsel in a lapse of generosity, and your essence catapulted as you realized you would have to choose. Or possibly that day went like every other. Maybe She never met Them, and you only met Them much later, once you had shoehorned Them into part of your story. So instead of revelations and sacrifices, your Sister told you about centripetal force as you floated, listening, your rings spinning in slow, lazy circles, and you told Her about how little you cared for all this science and math She liked so much. Where is the pathos? you asked, and She sighed much as an exasperated older Sister should, and you realized that you loved Her very much. Or maybe you didn’t.

WHY? why is that? it's because the longer she's in the story, the worse chuck looks.

amara loved chuck from beginning to fucking end. she was born loving him. she chose him, always, over and over again. and chuck knew this! he used it! he would dangle the possibility of him finally loving her back to get her to do what he wanted. and what does chuck do abt this? abt his story, the first to ever exist? he recreates it. michael & lucifer; cain & abel; dean and sam (all men, curiously). to ... what? prove that he isn't the only brother to have not loved his sibling back? that in his position, u would've done the same?

i could talk abt that fic all day. best thing i've ever written.

[girlactionfigure]

I never thought I’d share this publicly. Never thought anyone would even know what the heck I’m talking about. 

Thanks to TikTok, Yerachmiel Begun and the Miami Boys Choir is now the most viral thing on the worldwide web. 

If you have not been following this hilarious story, basically, someone opened a TikTok account for the choir and started posting old videos of their concerts. 

Somehow, one of them went completely viral. No clue how. 

But it didn’t stop with TikTok. You see, on TikTok, you can duet a video with a reaction. All of a sudden, hundreds, maybe thousands of people, mostly non Jews started dueting this one song about Jerusalem. 

It went so viral that someone opened a Twitter account just for the duets. That too is now going viral. 

I never thought my entire TikTok and Twitter feeds would ever be full of Miami boys choir. 

As I’m writing these words, I’m sitting in my living room, my wife next to me on her phone watching all the duets and my son on the other couch also watching the duets. My house is full of Miami Boys Choir!

I can’t. 

So what was I referring to in the beginning?

Well, when I was around 11 years old, one Sunday, I went to Brooklyn with Avi Newmark to try out for Miami boys choir. His dad actually drove us. 

This was literally one of the most monumental moments of my childhood. 

You see, in elementary school when everyone was walking around with their cool Walkmans (yea yea, I’m ancient!) listening to Guns N Roses or Metallica, I was secretly listening to Miami Boys Choir. I say secretly because I was so embarrassed that that’s the kind of music I loved. Pretty sure I even lied about it when asked what I was listening to. 

I had a few friends and neighbors who were in the choir. They were my idols. Not even kidding. 

So when I heard there were tryouts, I knew I had to go. So I did. 

I remember every detail. I remember what song I sang. I remember the feeling when Yerachmiel announced the names of the kids who were accepted. I was not on that list. 

I wasn’t going to give up on my dream so easily so I approached him after everyone had left and asked why I wasn’t accepted. He told me my voice wasn’t mature enough. 

All I heard was “You didn’t make it this time but you have what it takes so you will make it in the future.”

Anyway, till today, I think that experience traumatized me. Not even kidding. You have to understand. It was my childhood dream! If you know the song, Mr. Tanner by Harry Chapin, that song is about me and Miami Boys Choir. If you don’t know it, it’s a great song! 

Some people dream of owning a sports car. Others dream of being president. I dreamed of being in Miami Boys choir. 

I’ll post some funny links in the comments but just figured I’d share this highly personal memory from my childhood. 

Good times.

Hillel Fuld 

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

Crisis Averted

Summary: Shit hits the fan after Dean finds out that Reader and Sam have slept together. Crisis is averted once Reader has a chat with Dean about it.

TW/CW: Platonic!Reader x Sam & Dean Winchester. References to Sam and Reader sleeping together.

Requested?: Yes! A lovely Anon said, “Hi! Idk if you’re doing requests BUTTT if you are, I was wondering if you could do like a platonic one where you and the boys hunt together and have become like family but dean finds out through the Supernatural books/the internet or whatever that you and Sam hooked up the very first night you guys met.”

Word Count: 1,468

A/N: So I have a lot of Anons that request and I was just thinking maybe I should give you all a cool special name or something (any other followers could also be called by said name if that’s a thing that you all would like). Why was the first thing to pop into my head Tonics??? Like then we’d be Gin and Tonics.... Idk thoughts? As for this imagine, I kind of feel like it’s a little off for some reason but I hope you all enjoy the reader anyway. Love to all!

Your POV     I sleepily shuffle to the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee. I take a sip before yawning and stretching on my way to join the boys. I plop down into one of the chairs at the table and drop my head onto its surface as Sam chuckles, “Wow, I think that’s a record, 2pm is the earliest I’ve ever seen you get up the morning after returning from a hunt.”  

    I look up to glare at him as Dean grumbles something under his breath but all I caught from it was, “You would know.” Shrugging, I pull one of the various lore books spread across the tablet closer to me and open it up. We’re currently working on tracking down a demon who Crowley wants dead. The damn thing is literally off the radar so were looking for a new way of tracking it. Why the boys decided to do this for Crowley, I don’t know but it’s time consuming nonetheless. If it weren’t for the three of us being on the brink of insanity from being cooped up in the bunker we wouldn’t have gone on the aforementioned hunt. I flip through a few pages of the old, musty book before sighing, “I need food before I can try to focus on any of this.”

    “There’s not much left in the fridge,” Sam responds.

    I weigh the options for a moment before deciding, “I’m gonna run to the store and pick up food on the way back. Text me want you want, will you?” Sam nods but Dean doesn’t bother acknowledging anything as I get up and head to my room to change out of my pajamas. I have tendency to wander around the bunker in my pajamas if I know we shouldn’t be going anywhere that day. Sometimes it’s a bad idea though because it leads me to curling up in an armchair and falling asleep when I should be studying lore. Once I’ve thrown on the usual unofficial hunters' uniform i.e. a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, a flannel, a leather jacket, and some boots, I head to back through the bunker and to the garage. Knowing it’s not advisable to get groceries while riding my motorcycle, I opt to take my 1967 Camaro instead.

    Climbing into my car, I immediately grab a Metallica CD and pop it in before cranking the car. I notice that my gas gauge is rather low and make a mental note to stop for gas while I’m out as well. It feels nice to be back in my own Baby after riding with Sam and Dean for so long on cases. I got this car when I was sixteen and it has been a great companion ever since. If it weren’t for this car, I probably wouldn’t have met Sam and Dean. It caught their attention outside Harvelle’s and we’ve been best friends ever since. Those boys have become the only family that I have left. I pull up to the gas station and get out to fill her up, of course being met with the usual stares of awe at my car. I ignore them and go about my business before getting back in to head for the store.

    Before I leave, I pat the dash lovingly and check my phone to realize that I haven’t gotten a text from the boys yet. I tap on Sam’s contact and then wait as it rings. He answers rather promptly and sounds rather annoyed, “Hey, sorry I got side tracked. I’ll send you the list in a minute.” In the background I hear a door slam before Sam yells, “Fine, be that way but at least text (Y/n) your order.”

    “Is everything alright?” I ask furrowing my eyebrows.

    On the other end of the line, Sam sighs, “He found out about our thing and now he’s being pissy.”

    I look over my shoulder at the backseat, I had kind of forgotten about that as we agreed to never talk about it, “I’ll talk to him when I get back.”

    “Good luck,” Sam responds, “I’ll see you when you get here. Be safe.”

    “Will do,” I reply before hanging up. I put the car in drive and head for the grocery store hearing a couple of dings from my phone as I do. Once I pull into a parking spot at the store, I check my phone to find two messages, the one from Sam reads:

         Thanks for going to the store and everything. I don’t know where you’re going for food but I just want some salad stuff from the store if you could. Thanks again.

    Dean’s is a little stiffer:

          burger and fries

    Oh yeah, he’s definitely upset. I begin to wonder how he even found out as I get out my car and head into the store. I gather up some pretty basic items and even grab a few steaks as they’re on sale. I manage to fill the shopping cart with groceries by the time I decide I should head for the checkout line. A short while later, I am loading groceries into my car before returning the cart to a rack and then heading towards home. I make sure to stop by Dean’s favorite burger joint in town and pick up food for me and him on the way.

    When I pull into the garage, Sam is waiting to help unload groceries but Dean is nowhere in sight. Together, we silently make several trips to carry the groceries to the kitchen and then put everything away as well. Once we’ve finished, Sam sets to work making himself a salad so I grab mine and Dean’s food and head towards his room. I knock softly on the door, “I have your food. You and I need to talk.”

    I hear some shuffling before Dean opens the door, “Damn right we do.” I offer his bag of food to him and he snatches it before making his way over to sit on the bed. I join him and let it stay quiet for a few moments as we both pull our food out of our bags and begin eating.

    After a few bites of my burger, I speak up, “So, how did you find out?”

    “Fucking Becky of all people, (Y/n). My brother and best friend banged the first night they met but no they didn’t fess up. I found out through Becky and some freaking creepy ass books,” he answers.

    “Well, that explains why she’s never liked me. I’m guessing she let it slip the other day?” I muse.

    “Yeah, she referred to you as the ‘reason Sam won’t ever like me’,” he mumbles through a bite of burger.

    “That’s definitely not what’s keeping him from finding an interest in her. Especially considering it was a one-time thing that we agreed to never talk about.”

    “You guys could’ve at least told me,” he grumbles.

    “You’re telling me that you would’ve been cool if Sam and I were just like, ‘Oh hey Dean, we just banged in the back of (Y/n)’s car,’?” He’s doesn’t answer and instead seems to be rather fascinated by his fries. I sigh, “I suppose that’s what it is though. You’re hurt that we would keep something from you. Look Dean, I’m sorry that we didn’t tell you. It’s just not exactly something that can come up in casual conversation.”

    Dean takes a deep breath, “I forgive you. I would very much be okay with continuing the ‘don’t ever mention it again,’ tactic. Definitely not an image I need in my head.”

    I shake my head and laugh, “So why exactly did you blow up on Sam about it?”

    “Because when I confronted him about him hiding something from me, he lied to me about it and said he wasn’t hiding anything. You admitted to it,” he answers.

    I nod, “Gotcha. In that case,” I get up and make my way over to the door to yell, “Sammy, get your ass in here!”

    I return to the bed to gather my food and trash and when Sam arrives in the doorway, I point at Dean, “Make up. I’ll be in my room when you two are on good terms with each other again. We can have a movie night or something.” With this, I leave them both avoiding eye contact with each other and make my way to my bedroom. It takes a while but finally, Sam and Dean appear at my open door with popcorn and a movie. I pat the bed on either side of me and they join me after putting the movie in. Things feel like they’re back to normal as we laugh our asses off at our favorite movie and stuff popcorn in our faces.

Masterlist

Taglist: @akshi8278​ @emiijemii​ @deandaydreaming​ @castiels-majestic-wings​

[adultswim2021]

Robot Chicken #10: “Toyz in the Hood” | March 20, 2005 – 11:30PM | S01E05

Okay, so I remember seeing part of this one with the sound off: it was the tooth fairy sketch. I think I was recording Adult Swim or something in full so I could try and capture promos or something and I watched the tooth fairy sketch without any sound, so I saw the punchline where a marching band comes in and presents the kid with a giant check proclaiming that they’ve done the darkest sketch ever. I kinda like that joke, but it sucks I didn’t get to really experience it correctly. Oh well.

One of two other longer sketches depicts carpooling super villains stuck in a traffic jam. Skeletor farts and doesn’t let anyone roll the window down. They shoot the tires out of a family’s mini-van because the kids are making faces at them. A carpool of superheros cuts them off and mocks them. It’s... fine, I guess. But I goddamn didn’t laugh.

The last sketch was another bloopers thing and I thought most of it was sorta lame, except for the one gag where a pole vaulter manages to impale himself on his pole while botching a high jump. Good gag, executed with funny animation. So far this might be the least-hateable episode of the show so far?

CONTACTING GHOST PLANET

Space Ghost Coast to Coast #5: “Bobcat” | May 27, 1994 | S01E05

If somebody put a gun to my head and made me list 20 ways to describe Zorak’s character, I’d probably find myself listing “fan of the Ramones” among them. So it’s sorta surprising to realize that this episode is more defined by Bobcat’s participation than The Ramones.

But this episode, for being from season one and for being a fairly straight-forward Space Ghost episode featuring fairly straight-forward interviews (superimposed party hats on Ramones’ heads notwithstanding), this is pretty good shit. It’s also quite notable for several reasons, and is one of the more called-back episodes of the show. It was re-enacted for “Woody Allen’s Fall Project”, It was called back several times in my favorite Space Ghost episode ever: “Kentucky Nightmare”, and Metallica once cited Bobcat’s interview as lame during the audio commentary track for their episode on the Volume 2 DVD. That last one was kinda weird, because they seemed to single him out as being particularly shticky, as though they’ve never seen Bobcat simply be Bobcat before.

This is, as far as I’m aware, the debut of “Tad Ghostal” as Space Ghost’s “real” name. Space Ghost never had a secret identity in the Hanna Barbera show, so this is the first time one has actually ever been attempted. In 2004 when they did a “serious” comic book mini-series with Space Ghost they changed it to Thaddeus Bach. I appreciate how “Thaddeus”/”Tad” is still canonically his first name. The scene where we find this out is wonderful, and I also love Space Ghost’s comeback that Zorak’s real name is “Katie Did”. George is starting to get a little more comfortable doing the less-stilted version of Ghost and you love to see it.

Fun fact: Space Ghost suggests Bobcat wear a “nice pleated skirt” and I wonder if this was an inside reference to Bobcat’s actual attire of choice and if he showed up to his interview wearing a skirt. It’s true! Look it up! Bobcat has an affinity for wearing skirts, because they’re more comfortable than pants. I don’t know why I’m not wearing one as we speak. Shielding the outside world of my ball stench is probably part of it. But, would my balls smell so bad if I free-balled in a skirt and let them air out all day? I need somebody to get me in touch with Bobcat.

MAIL BAG

Same Futurama news-bringer. To answer your question, it's largely the same but after they lost the revenue from Family Guy they started doing split-screen credits during the early hours. Stinky bad! Boo! Anyway they did those sponsorship screenbugs as far back as maybe 2017 and then they stopped after a bit. I'm surprised they're doing those again

Thank you, I was genuinely curious!!! I know they’ve changed the bug for jokes. But for... tokes? (as in tokens... the only word i could think of that rhymed with “joke” that could feasibly mean money. I don’t know why I even went the world play route, to be honest. I was doomed to fail. Let’s face it)

What’s currently in your adult swim dvd collection? Have you ever gotten rid of any?

I am ALL about this. YOU KNOW IT.

OWNED:

Adult Swim Pilots

Aqua Teen Hunger Force (all volumes/movie)

The Brak Show (both volumes)

Check it Out with Dr. Steve Brule (only volume)

Delocated (only volume)

Eagleheart (only volume)

Frisky Dingo (both volumes)

Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law (got ‘em all used)

Home Movies (all volumes)

Metalocalypse (1-3; third volume on blu-ray... I think I’m missing one?)

Moral Orel (only volume; never sprung for the region 4 DVDs)

Rick & Morty (1-4 on blu, probably getting 5 from-- who else? SANTA)

Sealab 2021 (all volumes)

Space Ghost Coast to Coast (all volumes; got DANGEROUSLY close to selling volume 5 but luckily no one bid on it and I became employed shortly after)

Squidbillies (I think I got most of them despite not watching very much of it at all, but I might’ve missed one or two towards the end? If any of them were DVD-R only I skipped it)

Superjail (I think I got all of them? I HATED that they didn’t do blu-rays of these)

Tim & Eric: Awesome Show, Great Job! (all volumes; refused to buy the Chrimbus Special because it was a DVD-R)

Tom Goes to the Mayor (complete series)

Venture Bros. (1-7; blu-rays where applicable)

Xavier: Renegade Angel (complete series)

SOLD:

12. Oz Mouse (sold out of desperation)

Lucy, the Daughter of the Devil (sold out of desperation, and also cuz it sucks)

LIMBO:

Childrens Hospital (I think I had the first two volumes but I put them in storage to sell some day, so they are sitting in a box with some other DVDs that are no longer officially part of my collection)

NEVER OWNED:

Black Dynamite (never really watched)

Black Jesus (same. I SWEAR I’M NOT THAT RACIST)

The Boondocks (*SWEATING PROFUSELY*)

Freaknik: The Musical (boy, this doesn’t look good for me, huh folks)

Mike Tyson Mysteries (hahha, wow.)

NTSF:SD:SUV:: (SEE! TOLD YOU)

Newsreaders (didn’t know this was a thing!)

Robot Chicken (SUCKS DICK!)

Titan Maximum (SAME)

You’re Pretty Face Is Going to Hell (I remember *almost* buying this but I think it was a DVD-R so I didn’t)

If I forgot any I’ll let you know. I guess Samurai Jack is technically Adult Swim now but I never really got into it.

“FUN” FACT: there was a time when I would actually keep my Adult Swim DVDs together, filed under ADULT SWIM, and would put them in some kind of rough chronological order (using the earliest airdate for each volume) AND I would make DVD-R copies of the shows I hated just so they’d be represented AND I would print out color covers for them AND AND AND I would make home-made volumes of Adult Swim shows that weren’t on DVD. I was a very sick man. Not like now. Now it’s much more subtle.

[self-shipyard]

"Blackbird (Pt. 1)" - A Self-Ship Fic

SYNOPSIS: The first part of a special, two-part fic in which Gh.iaccio convinces Sor.bet and Gel.ato to help him act on something that's been on his mind. Then a little later, Lumaca receives a call from him to talk about plans for that night. (Part 2)

Word Count: 1276

CW: In-Character Swearing

“So that’s what this is about?” Sorbet grunted.

Sorbet, Gelato, and Ghiaccio were huddled up in the safe house, with the first two lounging against each other in the armchair and Ghiaccio sitting on the couch close to them.

He had called them over to discuss something that had been on his mind for a while and to say that the revelation of that something surprised Sorbet and Gelato was an understatement.

“If you don’t want to help, just say it,” Ghiaccio huffed back in frustration, making Sorbet squint at him.

“I’m only being cautious,” he responded. “That’s all.”

“Sorbet my love,” Gelato purred as his hand slid against Sorbet’s cheek, making Sorbet look into the eyes of his partner. “He came to us to help him, not to chastise him. And besides, it’s about our beloved friend Lumaca, so maybe we should help him.”

“Look,” Ghiaccio sighed while the other two focused their attention back onto him. “You two don’t even have to do that much. All I’m asking for is some ideas because I have no fucking clue how to do this and I want to do it right. I didn’t care about this kind of thing before we got together, but now… Every time I look at her, I can't stop thinking about it.”

“Oh, believe me,” Gelato responded. “We know what that's like. I bet she feels the same way when she looks at you. Poor thing has always been so reserved.”

“True,” Sorbet added on. “Although, she has gotten better since she got with you. She’s blossomed pretty nicely. On top of that, I say she’s really grown on us.”

Ghiaccio hung on to Sorbet’s words, but only on to the metaphors he was using to describe Lumaca.

It pissed him off a little.

“What the hell do you think she is, a plant?” he snarled and leaned in closer to Sorbet. “She’s a human being, goddamn it; have some respect!”

Sorbet pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

“Look, Ghiaccio,” Gelato cut in before Sorbet lost his patience. “He’s trying to say that we’d be happy to help, for her sake. We can brainstorm some ideas and, if you really need it, we can help you do it.”

Ghiaccio’s eyes got a little wider as he contained his joy.

“You mean that?” He bent his head down and swallowed. “Well, uh… Thanks.”

“Did you just say ‘thanks’?” Gelato asked, a smirk surfacing on his lips. “That’s the first time I’ve heard you say that word. This must really mean a lot to you.”

“Of course, it does!” he whipped his head back up to look at them. “This is about Lumaca.”

“Aww that's cute,” Sorbet smirked, prompted by Gelato's smugness. “I never thought I'd see you love anyone so much.”

“Sh-Shut up,” Ghiaccio mumbled, his words losing their edge as he felt a blush rushing to his cheeks.

The sight of that made the both of them chuckle.

“Anyways,” Gelato chirped while Sorbet began to absently trace patterns into his partner’s leg. “Let’s talk ideas here. I was just thinking about those words Sorbet was using; ‘blooming’ and ‘growing’. Makes me think about flowers.”

“Yeah, and?” Ghiaccio urged him on, his eyes squinting a little out of curiosity.

“Now that you mention it, Gelato" Sorbet added on. “Lumaca’s always been keen with meanings, right? Surely, she also knows the meaning of some flowers.”

“You would be right.” Ghiaccio’s gaze shifted up in thought. “She’s always been really good with those things.”

“Perfect!” Gelato leaned in closer to Ghiaccio. “Now, here’s what I was thinking…”

…

Lumaca set the last file down on Risotto’s desk. His eyes flickered up from his computer to acknowledge her with a quick nod, a gesture she returned.

“That should be the last of it, capo,” she said.

“Good,” he responded. “But I’m still going to need you around. I hear tell we might be getting a new assignment soon... So I hope you don’t mind staying a little longer in case it comes early.”

“Of course!” she smiled.

Just then, the sound of her cellphone ringing made her jump slightly. She looked from the place where her cellphone was to the capo and, after receiving the ‘okay’ from him, went to go answer it.

“Pronto?” she said into the receiver.

“Hello, Lumaca,” a familiarly hoarse voice called through the speaker.

“Oh, hey Ghiaccio!” She was sure he could hear her lovesick smile through the phone. “Great timing; I just got finished with some paperwork.”

“Good, because I really need to talk to you right now.”

Lumaca blinked a little at the sound of his urgency, though she was sure not to let her surprise show in her voice.

“Oh, over what?” she asked.

She heard him take in a deep breath before he continued.

“We should go out for dinner tonight or something. We haven’t done that in a while and I’ve been thinking about you a lot today.”

If only he could hear how fast her heart was beating.

“You’ve been on my mind too,” she cooed, clearly forgetting that Risotto Nero was in the same room as her. “And that’d be lovely!”

“Is there any place you’d like to go? This is just a suggestion, but I know there’s that one focacceria that you love so much. The one by the seaside?”

She knew exactly which place he was referring to; it was a quaint little place that overlooked the ocean as well as a little walkway where one could see the most gorgeous sunset.

This was also the site of their first date, oddly enough.

“Oh, that sounds perfect! We haven’t been there in a while.”

“Great. Then once we meet up at home, we’ll go out there. Maybe we can even dress up a little bit if you want to. Well talk about it when we see each other, but I’ll see you then, okay love?”

“Okay!” She lowered her voice so as to not completely embarrass herself in front of her employer again. “I love you, Ghiaccio.”

“I love you too, Lumaca. So much… Bye.”

After hearing the tone signifying that he had hung up, Lumaca leaned back in her chair and let a sigh escape her lips.

Naturally, Risotto was quick to notice.

“Is something wrong?” he asked.

She perked up some in her chair, doing her best to mask her steadily-growing curiosity.

“Nothing’s wrong, capo,” she responded with a smile that he wasn’t buying.

“Then why do you look so lost in thought?” he continued. “I’m going to assume Ghiaccio said something that felt off to you.”

She swallowed a little.

“Well, now that you mention it, he… he did sound a little frantic.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, and he was saying that we should go out for dinner tonight. I mean, I don’t mind it at all, but we don’t really go out unless it’s for some special occasion. I wonder what it could be...”

Risotto's gaze shifted down in thought. He thought about how tense Ghiaccio had been over the past month. Well, he knew that he had always been on edge but there was clearly something else going on under the surface… But what was it?

Then he suddenly remembered the O-shaped sensation Metallica picked up in Ghiaccio’s pocket in recent times.

It made it all clicked in his head.

“Hm,” he shrugged. “I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.”

She hummed aloud.

“Yeah, you’re probably right."

He could faintly tell by the look in her eyes that she knew he was covering something up, but who was he to say anything about it?

[strangerontheotherside84]

Wild Child || Part 2 (Billy Hargrove x  Reader)

Disclamer: as mentioned in my last post, I have decided to continue my fic “Wild Child” (which was actually finished after part 8). And yes I know we’re all horny and y’all just wanna get to the kinky stuff (I see you) but maybe give it a try and also check out the previous story to kinda get the pre-story behind all of this. Or at least read part 1 of this you kinky fucks :D

Warnings: language, smut, 18+, nsfw, smoking, drinking, drugs

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

„You're late.“

„Yeah sorry had to drop off my sister at the Wheeler's house and Karen was nice enough to offer me a drink.“ Billy answered while stepping through the door, quickly following you into the kitchen to that fridge full of beer you had promised him earlier. „Dude, stop calling her Karen it's gross.“

„Hey there's nothing I can do. I feel like she really wants me to call her Karen, y/n. Can't deny a woman her deepest darkest desires.“ „Ew Hargrove shut up. I swear to god if you're really going to screw Nancy Wheeler's mom I'm gonna lose all my respect for you. And I don't have too much of that to begin with.“

„You can't deny that she's kinda hot. Also, what can I do she's really asking for it. Must be a very unsatisfying marriage.“

„I'm not gonna comment any further on this...but maybe go see a therapist about those mommy issues.“ you commented snarky, handing Billy a half rack of beer from the fridge.

„Oh fuck off y/n.“

„Love you too. Come on, we're going to the basement. The stereo down there is way better. I need you to check out some of the new releases I took from work.“

-

You were lying on the old leather couch staring at the wodden ceiling while „Raise Hell“ by Anthrax was blasting through the speakers of the Panasonic stereo. You quickly sat up as you heard a familiar noise.

„Hey Hargrove, quit going through my stuff!“

„So this is where you hide your weed, huh?“ the curly haired boy replied, not even bothering to look at you while he continued to go through the small drawer in the corner of the room.

„Amongst other things, yeah.“ you got up from the couch, your naked feet touching the fuzzy carpet-floor as you walked over to Billy, quickly snatching the cigarette case, which contained all of your pre-rolled joints, from his hands.

„So you really weren't lying about that porn collection.“ Billy sounded a bit surprised as he spotted the several vhs tapes behind a few bottles of Jack Daniel's.

„Told you so.“ you mubled while trying to light the joint between your lips, those matches were definitely ancient. „Don't underestimate me.“

„I could never. But let me help you with that.“, the curly haired boy fished a zippo from the pocket of his tight Levi's jeans and put on the flame in front of your face while licking his lips.

„Thanks.“ you mumbled with a devilish grin, while inhaling the smoke and blowing it into Billy's face.

„You're welcome.“ he replied, taking the joint from your lips.

„Didn't think I was sharing that.“ „Well now you are. So, y/n you wanna get drunk and stoned while watching some porn or were you just talking shit earlier?“

„I’m never talking shit, Hargrove. Here how about this one: Shana Grant plays a singer who must overcome her corrupt manager, who himself is involved with the mob. Well if this doesn't sound like fun. It better be good I payed 5$ for that.“

„It sure does. I wonder what will happen.“ Billy joked as he made himself comfortable on the couch, opening another beer. „Put it on then.“

-

„Well she really is working hard on overcoming that corrupt manager.“ you chuckled while taking another sip from the bottle of Jack, putting out a cigarette in the ashtray in front of you. Your head was starting to feel kinda dizzy, but you would never admit that. At least not until Billy would do the same. You lurked over to the blonde boy sitting next to you on the floor, trying to observe his movements as inconspicuous as possible.

“It's a tough business.” Billy replied, chuckling as well. He had his arms streched out on the leather couch behind you guys, his  red shirt was almost completely unbuttoned, as usual. “Can I help you y/n?”. God dammit. You really were shit at observing people when you're drunk.

“Nope all good.” you replied while stretching yourself across Billy's lap to reach for another can of beer from the half rag that was placed to the boy's right. You could feel his eyes on you as you slowly moved back onto your place, your crop top riding up and allowing him to catch a short glimpse of your boobs.

“Can I help you?” you returned the question while raising an eyebrow.

“Nope all good. That's a very nice shirt though.”

Even though you knew what he was refering to, it really was a nice shirt. It had Metallica's Ride the Lightning cover on it and you had cutten off the sleves and turned it into a crop top. However, it had gotten a bit shorter than expected which meant that it was now barely covering your chest. But you really couldn't be bothered with that kind of stuff anyway.

“So what do you say y/n. Was it worth spending 5 bucks on this?”, Billy drew your attention back to the TV that was still playing the VHS tape.

“All in all yeah. However, I must say that they look kinda bored from time to time. If I'd wanna see that I'd set up a camcorder in the Sam Goody's storage room.”

Your last comment caused the curly haired boy to burst out laughing, “And I thought I was having a hard time. But you're right they do look kinda bored, which is a pity. Looks like a lot of fun.” he hummed the last part in your ear while putting his arm around your shoulder.

You blamed it on being drunk and stoned but his actions actually caused your whole body to shiver with excitement for a split second. Wow you really were gonna give in to him that easy? That'd be a new record.

“It does. Although, I think I'd look less bored.” you replied, taking another sip from your beer and trying to stay focused on the small TV.

“I bet you would y/n. It's such a shame that all these losers you hook up with don't seem to know how to treat you right.” Billy muttered with his husky voice while taking a deep pull from his cigarette, throwing back his head to release the smoke into the air.

“Well thanks for your condolences Hargrove. And you think you'd do it better? Some of that stuff looks kinda hard.”, you taunted while gesturing your head towards the TV, your body now being turned towards Billy.

“We both know I will.” the curly haired boy leaned towards you, only to put out his cigarette in the ashtray behind your back while spotting a dirty grin on his face. You could feel his hot breath on your skin, your heart rate rising at the thought of all the things you'd like him to do to you right now.

“Don't dissapoint me then.” your words were nothing but a low hum but they were enough for Billy to press his lips onto yours within a heartbeat. Although it had been a while since you last hooked up together, the feeling was more than familiar. You both knew exactly how to move to push each others buttons, your kisses were nothing but a constant fight for dominance. You quickly got rid of your crop top while Billy was taking off his shirt only to meet his lips again seconds later. The tall blonde trailed his kisses across your neck, suddenly burying his teeth in your flesh, causing you to hiss. Billy pulled away from you spotting his usual cocky grin while sticking out his tongue.

“You need to get out of these pants if we wanna try what we just saw.”, he advised teasing.

“Ditto.” you replied with a wink. “And just so that you know,” you began while getting rid of your tight black leggings, “When I say it would be fun to try what we just saw I mean all of it.”

“You dirty slut.” Billy groaned while grabbing you by the throat, pushing your back into the cold wodden wall. You wrapped your legs around his waist while holding onto him by his neck as he pushed inside you. You could feel Billy's back muscles tightening as he began to thrust into you with full speed. “Fuck.” you moaned.

“Like it when I fuck you like that y/n?”

“Fuck yes.”

You knew you wouldn't last long if he continued at this pace but before you could say anything Billy pulled out of you, moving a step back while slowly letting you slide down the wall. You smirked at him, licking across your lips before sliding your tongue up his throbbing cock, the taste of yourself mixed with pre-cum meeting your lips. Billy let out a deep growl before grabbing you by the hair, forcing himself all the way into your mouth. The fact that you didn't even gag caused him to grin “You're such a dirty girl, way too good for anybody in this town- fuck y/n”. His words were could off as you began to deep throat him, slowly at first but then getting more and more messy, all while keeping eye contact with the curly haired boy. Billy's moans were music in your ears, you loved to be the one dominating him, especially since it seemed like something that was rather new to him.

“Get on the couch.” Billy hissed out of breath while pulling your hair. You did as you were told but not before slowly sucking on his tip one final time. “What? Can't handle me pretty boy?” you teased smirking while slowly walking past him towards the couch.

“You better save that attitude for later.” The tall blonde growled as he followed you, “Get on your knees.”

Billy quickly positioned himself behind you, firmly grabbing your hips. You could feel your own arousal dripping down your thighs, as you waited for him to finally push into you again. “You're always so wet for me,” Billy hummed against your core, causing your legs to start shaking “And you taste so damn sweet.”

You could feel him adjust himself at your entrance, the tip of his cock teasing you for what felt like forever.

“When did you become such a fucking tease, Hargrove?”, you groaned.

“What was that?”

“You heard me the first time. Just fuck me already.”

“You want me to fuck you, y/n?”

“Yes Billy pl- fuck.” This time it was you being could off as the tall blonde smacked into you, causing you to gasp.

“Like that?” he continued to tease as he began moving in a steady rhythym, “Or faster?”, Billy adjusted his speed at his last words.

“Faster...fuck Billy...fuck me harder.” You cried out, while the curly haired boy was continously hitting your sweet spot. You could feel your body tightening while you got closer and closer to your orgasm.

“Do you want me to pull out?” Billy growled while breathing heavily.

“No...just cum in my ass.”

Billy hummed at those words “So you really wanna try everything we just saw.”

He slowly pulled out of you, your whole body aching at the sensation of being left wanting more, just before he carefully pushed inside of you from behind, causing both of you to gasp.

“Fuck y/n I'm not gonna last much longer.”

“Just fuck me Billy..please.”

You did not need to tell him twice, after giving you some time to adjust to this new feeling he began to move with a steady rhythym, slightly fastening his pace.

“Fuck Billy...you feel so good.”, you had tried anal before but that was while being drunk at a party with some dude that clearly didn't know what he was doing, but the feeling of Billy fucking you from behind was something you'd never experienced before.

You're whole body was shaking and you could feel your lower abdomen tightening as you got closer and closer to your high.

“Fuck Billy I'm gonna cum.” You managed to cry out right before your orgasm rushed over you like a crashing wave, you buried your sweaty face and palms into the leather couch while moaning loudly.

This sensation caused Billy to let a fitlhy moan escape from his lips as he came inside of you, making sure to fill you up with every drip of his cum, before pulling out and collapsing on the couch.

The two of you had to take a few moments before either of you could say something. Both still breathing heavily, while sliding down onto the floor, trying to process everything that had just happened.

“So y/n, you're still not sure if I'd do better than those guys in the movie?” Billy chuckled out of breath while putting his jeans back on and lighting a cigarette.

“I'll think about it.” you replied dry while following his example.

“We're a really good team.” “Yeah a team of drunk and stoned idiots.”

[count-v-dracula]

The Most Random Questions about your Muse

*Copy and paste. Do not reblog*

Name: Vladislaus, most commonly referred to as Dracula

1) Do they believe in true love?

No. In fact the subject of love is something he does not like getting into with just anyone.

2) Do they believe that their life has meaning?

Yes, and no. As a human he was told that he had meaning, or more like a purpose, and he believed it and acted on it. Even then he was occasionally doubtful about his purpose. Currently, he’s caught in between. He took immortality to gain what was denied him as a human, but he continues to face trials that cause him to doubt.

3) What first impression do they give when they first meet someone?

Depends, sometimes. If it is a human that has heard of him prior to ever meeting him, they’ll probably be frightened by his demeanor more than his physicality. He can give off the impression that he is cool and reserved, or that he is welcoming and talkative--depends on his mood and the occasion. Fear can also mix with intrigue; he has that old world elegance that can draw you in.

4) Do they believe in Heaven/Hell?

It’s complicated and yes.

5) FIVE things that irritate them

   1) insolence

   2) ignorance 

   3) laziness

   4) self-righteous behavior

   5) disloyalty

6) First Kiss?

He was 15 (had to go through my headcanons tag and found it)! It was a girl of the court that was trying to make Mehmed II jealous by making moves on Vlad. Vlad welcomed it because he liked her, but Mehmed was furious because he was actually after Vlad (since he already got Radu he went after Vlad).

7) What do they find funny that other’s usually don’t?

Dark humor. 

8) Biggest Regret?

The one that has really stuck with him is that he regrets not having been able to look after his younger brother properly. Even as a kid he was forced into roles of being a leader and protector.

9) THREE words that best describe them

   1) charming

   2) brave

   3) loyal

10) Their most attractive feature

First thing people will notice about Vlad is his very blue eyes. They really stand out against his dark hair. His hair would then be next then everything else, in that order.

11) The feature that they find most attractive?

 A good smile will melt him. Then it’s legs. I mean look at Verona and Marishka. Aleera got in only because she was spicy - so that made up for her lack of height. After legs it’s arms.

12) Favorite Song Lyric:

“Thus, wedded to my woes, and bedded in my tomb, O let me dying live, till death doth come, till death doth come.”

13) Best advice they’ve ever received:

Do unto others before they do unto you.

14) Worst advice they’ve ever received:

Act on your passions.

15) What makes them cry?

He probably hasn’t cried in a couple centuries. It would take something horrible for him to. But, he tends to compartmentalize emotions, especially the ones he doesn’t want to indulge and then they collect dust and are forgotten. Anyway, something horrible. What normally causes someone to cry makes him terrifyingly angry.

16) Hardest decision they ever had to make?

To do what he wanted, not what the Church wanted him to do. His loyalty to two things was being torn. 

17) What makes them fond of someone?

Innocence usually makes him smile, not in a way that he wants to snuff it out, but that it makes him recall his own few innocent days. Other souls troubled like him he is also drawn to. Intelligence is also a major factor, similar interests. Passionate people.

18) Do they believe in forgiveness?

He does not usually forgive others and he doesn’t seek it for himself unless he really messed up. Privately, he thinks is beyond forgiveness, he’s always felt that way, Catholic and all......

19) Biggest TURN ON

Acts of service. Always. Anything that says “hey I did this for you because I know this would make you happy” You’re golden.

20) Biggest TURN OFF

Coming on too strong if he doesn’t welcome it, disloyalty (so far loyalty is a freaking big issue with him on this meme XD), fickle-mindedness, laziness, etc., etc.

21) Any fetishes/kinks?

Being dominant, sadism, bondage for starters.

22) Do they have a perception of god?

Yes, yes. Having been raised in the Catholic church and being affiliated with Eastern Orthodoxy, too. He looked to God as a comforter and redeemer up until his life change. He now views God as someone who is selfish and unforgiving. He has no faith in Him anymore clearly. You could say the Devil gave him wings because God did not...

23) A memory from their childhood that shaped them

Ouch. His childhood wasn’t always pleasant (having been a political prisoner, kept from his family, raised for several years not in his own country, beaten occasionally and not fed for days because of his defiant behavior, etc.) so it’s gonna be a not-so-good memory. Look here for something bitter-sweet.

24) birthday and zodiac sign:

December 16th. Sagittarius.

25) Do they agree with said zodiac sign?

To an extent, yes. Sagittarius is the sign of the real Vlad and I believe it fits mine. He is a true fire sign: ambitious, outspoken, likes to display strength, etc. Many would say Scorpio but *taps mic* not every villainous person is a Scorpio. He probably has a lot of Scorpio though in other aspects/houses/planets.

26) What is ONE thing that they wish they could change about themselves?

How he handles his lack of emotions....(or so he thinks)

27) A dream that they have never told anyone

There is one but he’s not saying one word about it.

28) Do they believe in fate?

Yes. And no. It’s complicated.

29) Favorite season: 

Autumn/Winter

30) FIVE favorite singers/bands/performers 

Elvis Presley, John Dowland, Julie London, Metallica, Maria Callas, Glen Miller

TAGGED BY: @desanctii (thank you :D )

TAGGING: @adara-of-the-flame @astridnorddottir @scarletxcross @summerxmelodies @qceensofkings and anyone else who wants to steal it!

[fallxnprxnce]

For the mun: first of all, I looooveeeee your blog! You write Nuada beautifully. Second: what songs do you associate with our angry, pretty prince of elves? Personally, the song It's No Good by Depeche Mode reminds me a lot of him, his time of exile, his faith in the gods, etc. Thank you for keeping alive this wonderful, underrated character!

{out of exile} OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH! Ugh, I’ve had a horrible day, so thank you for this… I needed it. =)

Oh my goodness… I have sooo many songs that I associate with him. Some of them are because I saw music videos on YouTube that had really good songs and I came to associate them with him. Others are because the lyrics make me think of him in some way. There are so many reasons, heh. I will list as many as I can think of below, and I’ll write next to it what aspects of his personality, cause, situation, mindset, or just writing him in general that the song makes me think of (I also will try to find Nuada videos for as many as I can haha):

Jillian Goldin (Aversa) - Kindred (his exile, the Troll Market, empowerment, feeling accepted somewhere and by others, finding strength in solitude and in things that others fear)

Heather Dale - Mordred’s Lullaby (his family, feelings of betrayal, his dysfunctional relationships with both his father and sister, his resentment of Abe, his inability to see what’s coming for him ultimately as far as karma)

Breaking Benjamin - I Will Not Bow (his stubbornness, arrogance, impatience, refusal to change or bend, anger, frustration, exhaustion over dealing with the humans and just being 1000% done with their shit)

Breaking Benjamin - Blow Me Away (just the warrior mentality of okay, I’m going in, win or lose, live or die, but I’m going in and I’m not afraid, and also the lyrics about being the “one to save us all” and “lonely, I will walk alone” put me in his mindset of this being a personal crusade to him)

Imogen Heap - Let Go (”now’s the time to act, can’t wait for you if you’re not with me” kind of mindset, time’s running out, a sense of urgency, but also that there is a breakdown occurring with him, it’s a spiral he can’t see happening, and there’s beauty in it… if he comes out better for it… which didn’t happen in canon but it gives me inspiration for threads that screw the canon, heh)

Visions of Atlantis - Winternight (solitude, feelings of isolation, separation from family but also resentment towards them, wanting to be accepted but also unwilling to change, having a “storm” inside him, feeling so alone and utterly without guidance, feeling suffocated)

Within Temptation feat. Keith Caputo - What Have You Done (the antagonistic love-hate relationship between Nuada and Nuala, they’re both drawn to each other naturally but at the same time it’s gone too far to be saved, she thinks he can’t be saved and he’s frustrated that she doesn’t support him, but also the references to “fate” and “curse” just makes me think about their soul bond and how neither one of them can escape it, it could have been a good thing but now it’s ruining them)

Skillet - Whispers in the Dark (Nuada’s possessiveness regarding Nuala, his frustration that he doesn’t mean more to her, how uncomfortable his obsession makes her feel, also just his wildness and how fixated it can get, how violent it can be as a driving force for him)

Skillet - Hero (this really makes me think about how villains and anti-heroes never see themselves as villains, he’s the hero of his story, he really thinks that someone needs to make a stand and he’s going to be the one to do it, he thinks he’s doing a good thing he feels, his people need a hero and he’s not going to sit around and wait for one, he’s going to be it)

Metallica - Nothing Else Matters (LP Version) (this song just really makes me think about Nuada’s private thoughts when he’s alone, like what he’s thinking to himself while he trains or something, there’s a sense of a few standing with him, like Mr. Wink and such, and then him rejecting others who don’t, like his family)

Creed - Torn (another song like “Hero” that makes me think about the fact that he thinks he’s doing a good thing, being strong, being brave, making a stand… but also elements of him feeling like he’s been rejected, shoved aside, whether by humans or his family, and he’s like look, someone has to do something and I guess I’m the only one who will)

Linkin Park - Numb (trying to find hope and strength in amongst the feelings of pressure to be like his father and rejection from him and his sister, he’s tired of this shit and he wants to be proud of who and what he is instead of aching for their acceptance… I feel like this is Nuada when he decided to go into exile, when the resentment and pain of feeling rejected by his family was very raw)

Albannach - Ancestors (this just puts me in the mood to write a character like Nuada because it makes me think of the ancient Celts, which then also helps me drift to think of elves… also I feel like if I could put a sound to this “wildness” I keep talking about on this blog that resides in Nuada’s soul, it would be the drums that come in at 1:56, because it’s just such a raw, primal sound and that’s what it feels like to me when I write about it, shrugs)

Pillar - Fireproof (this is Nuada’s COME AT ME BRO song, haha… but seriously, I think of arrogance, pride, just male alpha warrior ego, heh… just this, you can’t stop me and if you try it you will be sorry mentality, but also a feel of a stalemate, that he is as immovable in his views as most humans are)

Rammstein - Mein Herz Brennt (trigger warning, this video might be a little creepy for some… but yeah, no real connection to Nuada, but this was the song that they used for the Hellboy II trailer, so it makes me think of it, heh… and I guess the message in the lyrics also is a bit like Nuada, especially since he said in the movie, “let this remind you why you one feared the dark,” this song is very much in that vein… if you don’t understand the German lyrics, try this video here which has them, I just don’t like that version of the song so I prefer the other one for music purposes, and I know what the lyrics are saying anyway heh… just again, it’s creepy for some so watch with caution)

Xandria - In Love With the Darkness (like “Kindred,” this song makes me think of Nuada’s connection to darkness and how it’s not a bad thing to him, the darkness of the Troll Market and his own little home under it, not morally speaking but literal darkness, low light, shadows… he’s kindof made that his own aesthetic and finds solace in it, but Nuala obviously doesn’t agree, heh… my version of Nuada resents humans for losing touch with nature and their more primal instincts, so this song makes me think of how he revels in those things as a form of rebellion, as if to say to them, I embrace the darkness and it embraces me… and rejects you)

Okay, that’s all I can think of right now, haha, but I think that’s quite enough. Thank you for asking this, I hadn’t listened to a lot of these song in a very long time, so it was fun making this post. =)

[orionsangel86]

13x01 - Episode Review Part 1

In which Dean just about held it together... and I did not. 

This review will be in several parts. I have separated it into several sections that I wish to talk about because hot damn. What an episode! This Part 1 focuses on Dean’s grief and Destiel and saying goodbye to Castiel. 

Firstly, an introduction

As I sit here, surrounded by three friends who I met on tumblr, BECAUSE of this show, I am amazed at how far I have come. I did not think that when I joined this fandom I would ever get to this moment, but my gosh what an amazing feeling this is. To all of you out there – reach out to people, you really won’t regret what you find. 

I adored this episode. I screamed, I even shed a single man tear whilst holding on to @amwritingmeta quite tightly… sorry Annelie if I hurt you at all. @tinkdw, @margarittet and @amwritingmeta you guys are wonderful and I am so glad that I have been able to flail and scream along to this awesome episode with you. Thank you for sharing this crazy obsession with me.

Part 1 - Love, Grief and Saying Goodbye

THEY USED METALLICA’S NOTHING ELSE MATTERS AS THE OPENING SONG! We were two seconds in and @margarittet had to pause because we all collectively SCREAMED that they chose to use this as the open song AS WELL! @tinkdw said that she wanted to try and guess what the opening song was this season but I don’t think ANY OF US considered that they would reuse “Nothing Else Matters” because its just so on the nose isn’t it? Nothing else matters? Nothing else matters than what exactly?

Well once again the “Then” sequence ends on Dean kneeling over Cas’s body.

The answer is Castiel. Nothing else matters than CASTIEL. This is repeated CONSTANTLY throughout the episode. You are not allowed to forget about him for a SINGLE SECOND and this opening song drums that home. Seriously if there are any Cas fans out there still bitter about Cas I dunno what show you are watching because it certainly ISN’T the show I watched yesterday.

It hurts to think about. What even was this episode? From the opening song “Nothing Else Matters” to the “Goodbye Cas” at the funeral pyre, this episode was chocablock full of moments that prove unequivocally that for Dean, Cas truly is his guiding light, his hope. Even if you don’t see their relationship as romantic you cannot possibly deny after 13x01 that Dean and Cas have an extraordinary connection and a deep and profound love that has now transferred to an even deeper excruciating grief in Dean.

Choosing to use this song as the season opener though? The season opener always reflects the tones of the season, the main themes. To have THIS song as the season opening? Wow. Just wow. This is a song that comes up first if you google “Metallica Love Song” by the way. In case you were wondering if it was indeed a love song. Because it is. James Hetfield confirmed it was written for a girlfriend. Interestingly though it has been debated over the years as the lyrics themselves are not conventionally romantic lyrics. Nevertheless, this is now fact: Supernatural used a Love Song called “Nothing Else Matters” to set the tone and theme of season 13, lingering over shots of Dean looking down at Castiel’s dead body. This isn’t even arguable. This is where we are.

(and what a wonderful place to be my friends)

Dean’s grief was beautifully portrayed by the superb acting skills of Jensen Ackles. In my season 13 wishlist I said this:

“It probably goes without saying but MAN PAIN OVER CAS – I mean, I reckon we are gonna get a good helping of this. Maybe not immediate tears but its gonna be pretty damn angsty – if the promo’s are anything to go by. I basically want it to be UNDENIABLE in canon that CAS is the reason that Dean is so broken up and that BOTH brothers are seriously struggling with his death. It has to be OBVIOUS how important Cas was to them and how his death has affected them”

I think we can tick this one off. :)

Continues under the cut.

The grief was so intense, it left me with a constant ache in my heart that still hasn’t shifted as I write this. From the first moment, Dean’s face in this episode brought me both intense pain and also intense joy. Bless Jensen for being such an amazing actor.

LOOK AT THIS FACE

There was a lot of speculation over the summer that Dean would just snap, pull out his gun, and go to shoot Jack once it sunk in that Cas was actually dead, and that is EXACTLY what he does. But that isn’t what broke me, what broke me is just how OFTEN the audience is reminded that ultimately, even though others died as well, for Dean, it is ALL ABOUT CAS. (Nothing Else Matters after all).

In the now famous sneak peek car scene Dean can’t even say the words when it comes to Cas SPECIFICALLY. He can admit that Crowley is dead, that Kelly is Dead and that mom is gone, but Cas? Nope. He chokes on his words:

(x)

Sam IS able to say the words. He can ask “Is Cas really dead?” Dean just growls “you know he is” and drives on. It is HEARTBREAKING.

The next moment we get that textualises the huge difference between Cas’s death and the other deaths for Dean is the moment during the fight with Miriam the angel when this wonderful exchange takes place:

(x)

Now we don’t actually know what was going through Dean’s head at this moment, but Miriam calls him out on it anyway - whether or not she was able to read his mind or she just went for the obvious assumption we don’t know. But Miriam doesn’t mention Mary, she doesn’t mention Crowley. She only mentions Castiel. This is in contrast to Sam’s discussion with Jack about reopening the portal, which is easily interpreted as Sam thinking of ways to use Jack to get Mary back, because we can understand that OF COURSE that would be Sam’s primary motivation right now. Sam still has hope. Dean doesn’t - except for the split second in this scene when he does. He falls for Miriam’s words, and it makes her “Oh sweety” so much worse.

The angels are usually exposition for Cas’s feelings for Dean, but in this scene, in a somewhat similar way to the scene in 8x19 with Naomi, they are exposition of Dean’s feelings for Cas, in a theme that is constantly running throughout this episode.

Finally once all the action is over and the boys head back to the cottage with Jack we get ten minutes of the emotional, poignant and touching moments that this show has ever given us. Enough that once I started sobbing, I couldn’t stop. 

I love Sam’s careful questioning to Dean:

“Are you sure about this Dean? I mean its Cas. Ya know? Maybe we can bring him back? Like you said?”

“No we Cant”

“Chuck did, um God did, remember that? So maybe if, I dunno, if we prayed to him or…”

“You don’t think I’ve tried that?”

Before I even get into the beauty of Dean’s prayer, THIS right here is ONCE AGAIN proving HOW differently the brothers view Cas. Sam is asking these questions, rather than telling Dean. Because he know that Dean is the authority on all things Cas. He knows that whatever Dean decides, he is going to go along with it. We have had this same theme running throughout seasons 11 and 12. Sam always accepts Dean’s decision when it comes to Cas. Always.

And yet we still don’t textually have a reason for this. Dean continues to refer to Cas like his and Sam’s third brother. So why are the two not treated equally? Yet again we have been shown the difference between the brotherly love between Sam and Cas and the ??? love between Dean and Cas. One is not the same as the other.

DEAN’S PRAYER

This is where I started to tear up. Honestly…

FULL PRAYER: “Ok Chuck. Or God or whatever. I, I need your help. You see you left us. You left us. You went off… You said, you said the earth would be fine because it had me and it had Sam but it’s not.  And we’re not. We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back. You’re gonna bring back Cas, you’re gonna bring back mum your gonna bring em all back. All of em. Even Crowley. Because after everything that you’ve done you owe us you son of a bitch so you get your ass down here and you make this right. Right here. And Right now.”

“Please. Please help us.”

Now, see this is where I squeal because he said “We’ve lost Everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back.” Because this CLEARLY reads as Dean saying that Cas is EVERYTHING (which fits in nicely with the theme of “Nothing Else Matters” to Dean) and I know there has been some debate over whether it was actually “him” or whether it was “em” that he said, but since the official CW subtitles caption it as “him” I’m gonna assume they are correct. And anyway, it says a lot when the official PR team use this specific interpretation – almost like they wanted to make sure we knew exactly what Dean was saying. Hmmmm… I wonder why.

The fact that we then get the pause where he turns away from the camera, waiting for a sign, anything, and it feels almost like we are interfering. Dean is hiding from the camera in his moment of anguish, and we are made to feel hopeless in light of his pain.

To then see Dean smash up the sign on the door (which I will talk about more in my Signs, Symbols, Ships and Handprints part of the review), and just finally show the extent of his emotional anguish and grief is again so fantastic for anyone still doubting Dean’s absolute love and adoration for Castiel:

(x)

This is a man who only prays in the most DIRE situations. Look at the desperation on his face. REVEL IN IT!

Moving on and honestly I didn’t think the episode could get more emotional than that prayer BUT I WAS WRONG. (Oh how much I underestimated Dabb when writing my wishlist!)

The way that Dean stands in that room, the high angle shot and the cinematography/lighting which makes it gloomy and almost sepia toned like all the colour has been drained out of Dean’s world. The way he looks both too small and too big for the room. Its sombre. Its silent. The atmosphere is drenched in sorrow. Its beautifully done.

(x)

The way he removes the shroud and takes one last look. His own private way of saying goodbye. Its Dean’s micro expressions both here and throughout the episode that I ADORE because you can tell so easily that he IS fighting back tears almost constantly. It’s the jaw clenching, the swallowing down his pain, I was half expecting a Darcy hand clench to appear.

(x)

His pain is so raw, so real, and so fucking heartbreaking. This is pain and grief for someone you deeply love on a whole other level. This is the pain of a lost spouse. Words can not describe how beautifully Jensen delivered these scenes. I don’t think I will ever be over just how intense this was to watch. I don’t think I will ever be able to watch it without crying.

We talked at our premier party about the significance of Dean wrapping Cas’s body. About how this is the first time such a thing has ever been shown (usually the show just cuts straight to the pyre). It’s a mark of serious respect to Castiel, as a beloved character on the show, and also, a nod to traditional ceremony’s in Jewish and Islamic cultures of the closest family members to the deceased preparing the body for burial. The fact that Dean does this on his own, without Sam, is also to highlight the difference in their relationships.

I stress again that Sam DOES see Cas as his brother. Because regardless of ridiculous arguments that try to state otherwise, Sam is not an asshole and made it clear last season that he too loved Cas deeply. So why is Dean doing all the work? Because Dean is not Cas’s brother. He is his freaking husband. He’s acting like a widow throughout this entire episode.  He is playing the dutiful spouse. In deep mourning, fighting back tears whilst he says goodbye to the love of his life.

(I’m crying again FYI)

But then even all THAT isn’t enough for Andrew Dabb. Oh no. He had to hit us with even FURTHER angst with the pyre scene and Sam’s heart breaking speech of goodbye:

“Thank you. You say thank you. And you say you’re sorry. You hope they’re somewhere without sadness and pain. You hope they’re somewhere better. You say goodbye.”

(x)

And in that moment Sam Winchester stomped all over my already beaten heart

Because this really was a send of to Cas. Yes Sam was talking about all of them, and we lost A LOT of great characters in season 12, and this was the writers way of paying respect to all those characters, but ultimately, like how he was at the forefront of Dean’s mind the entire episode, he was so very present throughout all of this, and the respect and love shown to Cas in this episode by the characters, the writers, the show creators... I’m in utter awe. It’s so much more than I could ever have asked for.

(x)

“Goodbye Cas”

And Dean just put in the final blow.

Once again though Cas is at the forefront of Dean’s mind. He comes first. That makes three times in this episode that Dean has listed out their fallen family. Every time though, Cas is separated from the others. Cas’s loss is on a different level to Mary and Crowley and Kelly.

Kelly was a victim, but her loss wouldn’t gravely hurt Dean

Crowley was an ally/nemesis who was sometimes something more. His loss gave Dean conflicted feelings.

Mary was their mother and that one would have hurt deeply. But Mary’s death was already an old wound, a new person in their lives who they didn’t really know. They were only starting to know her. Their grief over her will be strong indeed, but its not the same.

Cas was the loss that buried deep. Cas’s loss has broken Dean. Dabb has made it absolutely undeniably clear that Cas’s death is the focus of this episode, even when not directly mentioned (more on that later). And that Dean’s love for Cas is the very central theme of this entire season. Nothing Else Matters after all. Not for Dean. Not any more.

Thanks for reading! In part 2 I will explore the introduction of Jack and the narrative mirrors surrounding him in the premier. Watch this space.

[obtusemedia]

In Ascending Order: Top 50 Songs of the ‘90s

The ‘90s have become sort of an idyllic period that many Millennials and Gen Xers look fondly upon. It makes sense — the economy was good, Seinfeld ruled televisions, we weren’t worried about either the USSR or North Korea nuking us — but if there’s one thing that has really kept the ‘90s beloved, it’s the music.

There’s something for everyone at the end of the 20th Century, from grunge to gangsta rap to boy bands to Britpop. The ‘90s featured rock’s final years of pop relevance, as well as the blossoming of its underground movements. Hip-hop became a massive cultural force. And although pop wasn’t as strong as it was in the ‘80s, it did have a nice bounce-back period near Y2K.

Capturing the essence of the wildly-divergent ‘90s in just 50 songs is difficult, but I took a swing at it anyways. Let’s dive in:

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

> “Even Flow” by Pearl Jam (1992): Since I’m a Puget Sound native, I should love Pearl Jam more than I do. But sorry, I’ve never been able to muster too much love for the iconic grunge act. That said, “Even Flow” has a great, energetic groove that goes nicely with Eddie Vedder’s bellow.

> “Not If You Were the Last Junkie On Earth” by the Dandy Warhols (1997): By 1997, Nevermind seemed like a century away, as bright-and-shiny pop tunes took over from Alt Nation. So how did indie rock respond? By making a snarktastic, uber-catchy power pop jam about how “heroin was so passé,” complete with a music video featuring dancing syringes. The ‘90s were wild, guys.

> “Crash Into Me” by Dave Matthews Band (1996): If Greta Gerwig gets to admit that this song is actually good despite the oddly skeevy lyrics at times, then so do I. Just forget about the time they dumped 800 pounds of poop in the Chicago River and let Dave’s froggy voice whisk you away.

> “Metal Detektor” by Spoon (1998): America’s most consistent indie rock band wouldn’t reach their heights until the early 2000′s, but “Metal Detektor” is a solid lo-fi preview of the groovy, nervy tunes to come.

> “All Star” by Smash Mouth (1999): Forget the memes and Shrek and remember that this song is iconic for a reason. Did it age badly? Absolutely. But that’s part of its dorky, wonderful charm. And like every young Millennial, I know every word by heart. HEY NOW

#50: “Inbetweener” by Sleeper (1995)

One thing I love about Britpop is its fondness for character vignettes. Pulp were masters of this, and Blur occasionally dipped their toes in that pool, but even the B-listers knew how to nail a depressed-suburbanite character study.

“Inbetweener” tells the story of a married couple who settled for each other. They weren’t each others’ first-choices, they were just supposed to be “inbetweeners.” By the time they’ve settled into adulthood, their lives have descended into complete boredom, but they’re also too lazy to change anything. It’s the black hole of mediocrity.

Sleeper does a stellar job making the story pop, with a sunny sound to balance out lead singer Louise Wener’s deadpan vocals. In a way, it’s a bit ironic that a pop-rock song with a chorus this anthemic would be about the most boring lives imaginable, but I imagine that was sort-of the point.

#49: “When I Come Around” by Green Day (1994)

Bay Area legends Green Day went 100 percent into the pop side of pop-punk with the infamous graduation anthem “Good Riddance.” But I’ll always prefer their earlier, snottier side, which balanced the two genres perfectly.

“When I Come Around” is a song so maddeningly catchy that it doesn’t even matter that drummer Tre Cool utterly fails to stay on beat, occasionally slowing down and speeding up. Thank god for Billie Joe Armstrong’s timeless melody and crunchy guitar tone, both of which keep this song afloat, along with a solid slap-bass. 

Honestly, the amateur vibe of “When I Come Around” is endearing nearly 25 years later, when most mainstream rock feels aggressively focus-grouped. Even Green Day would become much more polished later on (not that this was always bad), so it’s nice to see the youthful energy and passion on display.

#48: “Jesus Freak” by DC Talk (1995)

There were many subgenres that peaked in the ‘90s that I’ve already mentioned, but there’s one more movement that had its prime years in this era: Christian rock.

...wait, wait, don’t click away yet! I’m not trying to proselytize here — some ‘90s Christian music could pass as the real deal. A few, like Jars of Clay, even notched a mainstream hit. But no Christian rock band was bigger among the youth-group set than DC Talk, who never really crossed over to secular audiences. And their signature song, “Jesus Freak,” is absolutely ridiculous — and that’s what makes it great.

Christian music in the ‘10s is mostly bland and focus-grouped to death. If you can tell one Hillsong or Lauren Daigle tune apart from the next, you have better ears than I. But “Jesus Freak” was a strange beast. Instead of joy or thankfulness, its primary emotions are defiance and rage. They even worked with the same music video director as Nine Inch Nails! Amy Grant would never. (although she certainly had her mainstream pop sellout moment in the ‘90s)

Does “Jesus Freak” have some embarrassing lyrics about John The Baptist’s belly? Of course. Does it blatantly rip off “Smells Like Teen Spirit?" Definitely. But, most importantly — is it a banger? HELL (err...heaven) YEAH.

#47: “Vapour Trail” by Ride (1990)

Shoegaze is definitely a sound that I respect more than I actually like. Personally (as you’ll see later on this list), I prefer its more structured, catchier cousin, dream pop.

But Ride managed to find the sweet spot between My Bloody Valentine and top-40 with their sweetly melancholy “Vapour Trail.” It definitely has all the hallmarks of shoegaze — it’s very spaced-out, the lyrics are both romantic and depressing, and there’s a definite wall-of-sound feel to it — but there’s also an actual hook. Thanks to its jangly guitars and orchestral coda, it almost feels like The Smiths’ take on the subgenre.

#46: “Enter Sandman” by Metallica (1991)

Why yes, I am that loser that’s never been able to get into metal, yet loves the simpler pleasures of “Enter Sandman.” What can I say — it’s a total jam and the hooks are plentiful.

It’s honestly kind of hilarious that this song became a massive success right as R.E.M. and Nirvana were rapidly shifting what popular rock sounded like, because “Enter Sandman” leans much heavier towards cheesy, over-the-top hair metal than grunge. I can’t get enough of James Hetfield hamming it up on the mic, literally cackling like a Disney villain at a few points.

For me, the corniness is part of the fun here, along with the raw energy that the band brings to the song. “Enter Sandman” let the masses headbang along with the metalheads, and for that, I’m grateful.

#45: “...Baby One More Time” by Britney Spears (1998)

Here’s proof of how massive Britney Spears’ debut single was: I was in preschool when it was released, and I knew it just as well as the Sesame Street or Arthur theme songs at the time. “...Baby One More Time” was a staple of Radio Disney, which was my main exposure to non-Christian music before elementary school (that, and Thriller, of course). Those opening piano stabs were etched into my brain from a very early age.

There’s a good reason it’s stuck with me: Britney’s breakthrough smash is a pop classic. “...Baby One More Time” captures the passion of a teenage crush better than almost any song from its era. And Max Martin’s crystal-clear, melodramatic production is untouchable. Frankly, it might still be Britney’s best song, over 20 years later.

#44: “Animal Nitrate” by Suede (1993)

One of the first major Britpop anthems, “Animal Nitrate” is a swaggering, cocky ode to the UK’s finest glam rock. Marc Bolan would’ve killed to write something this seedy and catchy.

In a way, it serves as sort of the mid-point between Blur and Pulp’s winking snark and Oasis’ hard-charging stadium-fillers. Just add a nice dose of sleaze. Suede weren’t able to keep up the momentum from their landmark debut, but at least they have classic singles like “Animal Nitrate” that cemented their legacy as pioneers.

#43: “Born Slippy .NUXX” by Underworld (1996)

I’m not normally a fan of super-long electronic songs. In fact, this will be the only representative of electronica — a fairly popular scene in the late ‘90s — to show up on this list.

But “Born Slippy” is special. First off, to be completely honest with y’all: I’m a bit biased, since the track was famously featured in Trainspotting, one of my favorite ‘90s movies. So it was always going to have positive connotations for me. Beyond that, “Born Slippy,” more than any other classic electronica song of its time, is bonkers. After a long, atmospheric intro, it’s essentially five and a half minutes of rambling, drunken chaos over a thudding drum beat (with one little break in the middle).

It’s both minimalist (a good chunk of the song is just a drum machine and chanting) and maximalist (IT’S SO LOUD). “Born Slippy” is the audio equivalent of losing your mind, and I love every second of it.

#42: “Groove Is In The Heart” by Deee-Lite ft. Q-Tip (1990)

And here’s a dance song with the complete opposite vibe! While Underworld turned their thumping beats into cold, confusing chaos, Deee-Lite only has one mission with their classic one-hit-wonder: to soundtrack the greatest party of all time.

“Groove” just about succeeds in that goal, too. The bassline and clattering percussion are untouchable, the lyrics are pure nonsense in the best way (more dance songs should throw in Dr. Seuss references), and the group even snagged funk legend Bootsy Collins to throw in some random ad-libs here and there. 

Q-Tip, a budding legend in his own right, contributes a nice verse, but the real draw here is Deee-Lite’s aggressive quirkiness. Where else will you find a dancefloor filler that includes slide-whistle solos?

#41: “This Is How We Do It” by Montell Jordan (1995)

New Jack Swing — the subgenre that mixed R&B smoothness with hip-hop beats and attitude — might have peaked in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s, but its best track came way after its pinnacle.

“This Is How We Do It” will always be an effective crowdpleaser. Somehow, Montell Jordan found a way to balance street smarts with a squeaky-clean jam perfect for a Bar Mitzvah. He essentially perfected Will Smith’s formula, but Jordan had an extra advantage: his golden vocals. Yeah, his rapping is a bit corny, but you can’t deny that voice.

The ‘90s had plenty of gangsta-lite party jams like “This Is How We Do It,” but thanks to Jordan’s charisma and a deathless chorus, this one stands above the rest.

#40: “Movin’ On Up” by Primal Scream (1991)

If you’re going to rip off the Rolling Stones’ “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” you might as well go for the jugular and only steal its massive ending.

“Movin’ On Up” is absolutely shameless in that regard, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t effective anyways. This gospel/classic-rock pastiche is four minutes of straight euphoria: Uplifting lyrics! Jazzy piano! Soaring guitar solos! And of course, a gospel choir so powerful that their voices break through the noise like the Kool-Aid Man. 

Primal Scream were smart enough to let the choir take over the second half of the song, just letting the vaguely-religious vibes ride itself out. Because of this brilliant decision, “Movin’ On Up” is somehow more danceable than the rest of its album, the acid-house landmark Screamadelica.

#39: “Just A Girl” by No Doubt (1995)

Riot grrrl, an aggressively feminist brand of indie rock, was an important ‘90s subgenre, but rarely a commercially successful one. Still, there were some acts that polished up that style of angst and packaged into something different yet still great, and one of them was No Doubt.

Although Gwen Stefani might be more well-known to most millennials for teaching us all how to spell bananas, her best song might still be “Just A Girl.” It’s a pretty simple concept — woman is righteously upset by how society coddles her because of her gender — but Stefani sells with her flexible vocals and loads of personality. She shifts from an exaggerated Betty Boop pastiche to a Californian alt-rock wail within seconds.

The rest of No Doubt are able to keep pace with their frontwoman, bouncing back and forth between the springy verses and mosh-friendly, speedy choruses. It’s a good fit for Stefani’s manic energy, and a nice burst of bright energy to bring a close to a dreary era of rock.

#38: “Ruff Ryders’ Anthem” by DMX (1998)

Forget shiny suits: If I’m listening to late ‘90s hip-hop, I’ll take the rawer pleasures of DMX every day of the week.

On his breakout hit “Ruff Ryders’ Anthem,” DMX began to hone his now-legendary untamed style, although it’s a bit more subtle than how he would sound a few years later. It’s not quite as bombastic, but in some ways, that makes this feel a little more like the real X. It literally sounds like a mobster making threats, and it just happens to rhyme and be over a killer beat.

There’s all the ridiculous lyrics you’d expect from DMX here — highlights include the wonderfully emo couplet “All I know is pain/all I feel is rain” and a coda that’s simply a machine gun firing and X yelling “TALK IS CHEAP, MOTHERFUCKER!!!” But for the most part, it’s proto-DMX, and it’s interesting to see a larger-than-life figure somewhat grounded.

#37: “Friday I’m In Love” by The Cure (1992)

The first couple years of the ‘90s are flooded with awkward ‘80s leftovers, but one wonderful (and very ‘80s) song that snuck into the next decade is “Friday I’m In Love,” The Cure’s final hit.

It’s shocking that something this bouncy, simple and optimistic came out the same year Nirvana and Pearl Jam dominated the airwaves, but great music can succeed at any time. Robert Smith’s nursery-rhyme melodies and lyrics are so simple that it’s shocking that this song wasn’t actually written ages beforehand.

And it’s refreshing to hear a band famous for getting angsty pull out a happy-go-lucky love song tailor-made for romantic comedies. At some point, Smith had to write an upbeat song, right?

#36: “Everlong” by Foo Fighters (1997)

There’s an argument out there that “Everlong,” written by Foo Fighters frontman and former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl, is better than any Nirvana song. I cannot remotely agree (spoiler: Nirvana places much higher on this list), but I can understand why “Everlong” has such a strong reputation.

Easily the best Foo Fighters song, “Everlong” is everything you’d want in a radio-friendly alt-rock single. It’s catchy, but still has some legitimate grit and bite. Propulsive and anthemic, yet still angsty and relatable. Grohl somehow took a grimy post-grunge banger, added romantic lyrics, and made it work. I certainly can’t imagine Bush or Everclear pulling that off.

#35: “Wannabe” by Spice Girls (1996)

In less than three minutes, five British women kicked down the doors of alt-rock and birthed the late-’90s bubblegum pop boom with one song. And what a glorious burst of energy that song is.

"Wannabe” might be the most purely fun song on this entire list. From the springy piano beat to each of the five girls showing off their bold, feisty attitudes (except for Posh Spice...sorry, Victoria), to Scary and Ginger Spices’ cheeky rap breakdown at the end, it’s impossible not to like. The song is a bit repetitive, yes, but when you have nuclear-grade weapon hooks like these, you might as well use them. ZIGAZIGAHHH

#34: “Fake Plastic Trees” by Radiohead (1995)

And now to the exact opposite side of British music!

Not to be that annoying contrarian, but I’ve never been able to get into Radiohead. A lot of their music is too cerebral for my tastes — I don’t mind thoughtful lyrics or experimentation, but I need a hook or a groove to grab onto.

Still, I do have a fond spot for their early years. And “Fake Plastic Trees,” my favorite song of theirs, is the perfect midpoint between grunge angst and sweeping Britpop balladry. 

The lyrics are abstract, yet Thom Yorke’s yearning, cracked vocals convey more than any words could’ve. Like one of my favorite modern acts, Japanese Breakfast, his voice acts simply as another instrument to convey the heartbreak. Match that with a slow-burn power ballad fit for a rom-com credit roll, and you’ve got an instant classic. It’s really too bad Radiohead got bored with this sound...

#33: “It Was A Good Day” by Ice Cube (1992)

Ice Cube is not normally a happy guy in his classic songs. Whether he’s pissed at the cops or his former bandmates, he’s usually in a bad mood for some reason. But for his most beloved track, Cube imagines what a day with no problems would be like, and it’s sublime.

He nabs a triple double on the court without trying. He gets to bang a chick he’s been trying to have sex with since high school. He seemingly wins every game of bones and craps he plays. And most importantly, the police and gangs didn’t hassle him.

Many gangsta rap songs are about turmoil and chaos, but “It Was A Good Day” shows that even the toughest thugs just wanted some peace and to have a good time.

(although if it was a really good day, the Supersonics would’ve beaten the Lakers...)

#32: “Hunger Strike” by Temple of the Dog (1991)

This song is so Seattle that the CD single probably came with a complimentary damp flannel, a Dick’s deluxe, and coffee stains.

It’s a bit surprising to me that there hasn’t ben any Seattle artists on the list proper yet, seeing as the city was the epicenter of ‘90s culture. Obviously, grunge played a role, but this was also the decade when Starbucks, Microsoft and Amazon blew up; the decade when the Sonics and Mariners had superstars like Gary Payton and Ken Griffey, Jr. (the Seahawks had to wait another decade to hit their stride); the decade where the Emerald City’s reputation changed from South Alaska to one of America’s iconic locales.

And before Nirvana and Pearl Jam took led that charge, “Hunger Strike” was the first grunge breakthrough, and for good reason. In a way, it’s sort of the Watch The Throne of grunge, with Chris Cornell and Eddie Vedder exchanging vocals. The chorus, when Vedder sings the hook while Cornell bellows “I’M GOING HUNGRAAAAAAAAAAAY” like a madman, gives me goosebumps every time. 

Honestly, I like this lighter-waving ballad more than any of Pearl Jam or Soundgarden’s actual songs. Not sure why this connects with me more — perhaps it’s the four minutes of raw emotion and wailing vocals over gorgeous harmonizing guitars. Vedder and Cornell work shockingly well together, too. I wish the duo made more music.

#31: “Connection” by Elastica (1994)

There is no Britpop song that’s cooler than “Connection.” While most of the subgenre is all about wink-wink cleverness or gigantic classic-rock riffs, Elastica dispenses with both of those for Justine Frischmann’s snarling attitude.

Elastica kept things very simple on their most iconic single. There’s a rudimentary guitar riff (which yes, they stole from Wire, but who cares), a steady beat, and Frischmann rolling her eyes over the whole thing. “Connection” is not a song that needs a lot of explaining: one listen, and you’ll instantly understand why even American teens couldn’t resist the snark.

#30: “Alison” by Slowdive (1993)

Slowdive’s masterpiece, Souvlaki, might have been a bit late to the shoegaze party by 1993, but it and its iconic leadoff track, “Alison,” have stood tall over the movement regardless.

My favorite shoegaze song, “Alison” is a hazy soup of distorted guitars, hypnotic drums and hopelessly romantic lyrics about a druggy (and possibly imaginary?) relationship. About half of the lines are about drugs and confusion, and lead singer Neil Halstead describes the titular woman as his anchor through the chaos of life. It’s a slow-dance made for a goth prom, and it lingers in your brain long after it’s over.

#29: “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-a-Lot (1992)

“Baby Got Back” has unfortunately become sort of a punchline by this point. Not because it’s a clunker —I think most people seem to love it as much as I do — but because of its constant feature in kids’ movies (I first heard it in Shark Tale as a child...the early ‘00s were a strange time) and the fact that the song has been boiled down to just a few lines. 

“I like big butts and I cannot lie.” “Oh. My. Gawd. Becky, look at her butt.” “My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hon.” Those moments define “Baby Got Back” more than anything else.

Which is a shame, because it’s a masterpiece of trashy fun. Seattle icon Sir-Mix-a-Lot somehow found out how to make solid punchlines about booty for four minutes — you try coming up with that many iconic moments in a short timespan! And the dizzying production, with its sharp horn bursts and super-tight bassline, is no joke.

"Baby Got Back” might be a goofy novelty track, but there’s actual effort put in. It’s a formula more artists should strive for.

#28: “California Love” by 2Pac feat. Dr. Dre and Roger Troutman (1995)

Yes, this is the cliché 2Pac choice. But “California Love” is difficult to resist.

Backed by a rowdy Dre beat (and a great opening verse from the Dr. as well), Pac’s comeback single after being released from prison is truly timeless. You go to any L.A. party or sporting event and it’ll inevitably be played (partly because it’s strangely clean for a gangsta rap anthem). And 2Pac is game to shout out the entire state — he even gives Sacramento props over 20 years before Lady Bird!

Pac has some deeper, more introspective songs than “California Love.” But sometimes, the basic pick is the right one.

#27: “Summer Babe (Winter Version)” by Pavement (1992)

Pavement has always been the cool kids’ ‘90s band. While the massive alt-rock acts put their raw, bleeding-heart emotions on display, Pavement kept things sardonic and snarky. They were willing to poke fun at The Smashing Pumpkins. They’re essentially the Jim Halpert of rock — kind of lazy and self-removed, but with too much charisma to ignore.

Yet, for all their snarky bonafides, my favorite song of theirs is one of their more emotional. “Summer Babe” still features Stephen Malkmus’ famously flat, dry vocals, but the song has some real heft to it regardless. The deep-fried guitar shredding its way though the track and the noisy drums work well amongst the sloppy-but-charming sound. It’s meandering, but when Malkmus puts some juice in his vocals for the final minute, it still strikes a chord. 

#26: “Deceptacon” by Le Tigre (1999)

By the late ‘90s, punk icon Kathleen Hanna had already moved on from her massively influential riot grrrl band, Bikini Kill. Distorted guitars were so 1992. What was next? ‘80s nostalgia, of course!

“Deceptacon,” by Hanna’s other famous band, Le Tigre, is a sizzling slice of new wave perfection. With its proudly-analog synth stabs and dance beat, the song perfected the indie-band-goes-disco formula 10 years before everyone else tried it. Seriously, this sounds way more like 2009 than 1999, and it’s shocking that its somehow from the 20th Century.

But “Deceptacon” isn’t purely a Duran Duran tribute — there’s still that same fury that Hanna was famous for. Her raw vocals make for a strange, yet captivating combination with the poppy beat. It’s a punk song you could dance to, just like the Ramones always wanted!

#25: “Fantasy (Bad Boy Remix)” by Mariah Carey feat. Ol’ Dirty Bastard and Puff Daddy (1995)

There might not have been any ‘90s popstar bigger than Mariah Carey. She racked up 14 number-one hits, including “One Sweet Day,” a monster R&B collaboration with Boys II Men that is still tied for the longest stay at the top of the charts (if only it was a better song). 

However, she’s never been my favorite — overwrought R&B ballads really aren’t my thing. But she did release one single that I unabashedly love, and that’s partly due to an assist from one of hip-hop’s weirdest stars.

I’m still not sure why the powers that be felt that Carey, a super-polished pop balladeer, and Ol’ Dirty Bastard, a rapper who sounded and acted like a homeless man on bath salts, was a good combo. But it worked beautifully! ODB’s weirdo charm proved to be a nice balance to Carey’s more sanitized sound. And the pop structure reigned in ODB just enough — although that didn’t stop him from spending the first 45 seconds just shouting out random places (“JAPAN ARE YOU IN THE HOUSE?!?”) and later quoting Donny and Marie Osmond. The man was a maniac.

But arguably what makes the song work better than either artist’s contribution is that sparkling production. The remix of “Fantasy,” helmed by Bad Boy mastermind Puff Daddy, strips back the original song’s heavier sampling of the ‘80s classic “Genius of Love” to just the groovy bassline for most of the song, letting the synth burbles wait until the chorus to pop. The result is one of the few truly great American pop songs of the mid ‘90s.

#24: “Blue Jeans” by Blur (1993)

Despite their relatively low placement on this list, Blur are my absolute favorite band of the ‘90s. They helped create one of its prominent movements, Britpop, with their 1992 single “Popscene,” and went on to dominate the subgenre. And when they got bored with that sound five years later, Blur proved they could do angsty, distorted alt-rock just as well as the Americans. (And five years after that, lead singer Damon Albarn started a fun little side project — you might have heard of them.)

But my favorite song of theirs doesn’t really fit into either Blur’s eras. Technically, “Blue Jeans” was released on their first Britpop album, Modern Life is Rubbish, but it doesn’t really have the same witty, uber-English vibe as their hit singles from that time. Instead, it’s a low-key, almost dream-pop song that’s simply about being content in a relationship. 

Sounds a bit boring, until you actually listen to the track — Albarn’s melody here is stunningly beautiful, yet down-to-earth, and the quaint music backing him matches the vibe of the song exactly. And his lyrics nail the early stages of love — “I don’t really wanna change a thing/I wanna stay this way forever.” There’s few songs that capture the simple joys of a romance like “Blue Jeans,” particularly in the honeymoon period.

#23: “Forgot About Dre” by Dr. Dre feat. Eminem (1999)

The defining sound of West Coast hip-hop — the squealing synths and trunk-rattling bass of G-Funk — was mastered by one man in the early ‘90s. Dr. Dre’s The Chronic was a landmark for the genre in 1992, and his iconic style can be heard from MCs throughout most of the decade.

But by 1999, things had changed. The biggest names in hip-hop sounded nothing like Dre’s signature sound, from Puff Daddy’s sample-heavy pop-rap to the chaotic Southern twang coming from No Limit Records. Dre was seen as a has-been, a relic.

However, “Forgot About Dre” ended Dre’s slump that year. The funky Chronic beats were supplanted by a sharper-edged, metallic production over which Dre publicly shamed the world for ignoring him and his legacy. It’s a ballsy move to already anoint yourself as a legend just 11 years after you burst onto the scene, but with Dre’s track record, he could afford to do so. And although he’s not the greatest rapper technically, he spits with enough force and charisma to sell his snarling lines.

Dre also had a partner to give him a boost: the then-newbie Eminem. A lot of Em’s big 2000′s hits have aged badly in my opinion — the production is awkward and there’s too much homophobia — but he sounds sharp as hell on “Forgot About Dre.” His verse is arguably the song’s highlight, as he unleashes a rapid-fire, charmingly random verse with endlessly quotable lines.

“Forgot About Dre” cemented Dre’s status as a titan of the industry who could seemlessly create new trends and stay afloat through multiple decades. And with it being one of Eminem’s breakout moments, it also proved Dre could be a kingmaker.

#22: “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morissette (1995)

The ‘90s were the decade of angst. So what better climate was there to release a scathing takedown of an ex, who may or may not be one of the dudes from Full House?

Okay, so it’s never been confirmed that “You Oughta Know” is actually about Dave Coulier. But that doesn’t lessen its rage and impact. Morissette is seething with rage about this breakup, writing all-time classic lines like “Does she know how you told you’d hold me until you die/’Til you die, BUT YOU’RE STILL ALIVE” and of course, “Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?!”

Morissette perfectly uses the era’s classic quiet-loud dynamic shifts to her advantage, creepily whispering at the start of the verses, and slowly growing louder and angrier until she’s screaming her lungs out by the chorus. Her ragged, off-kilter vocals perfectly capture the blinding emotion she feels. It’s a karaoke staple for those who’ve just been dumped for a good reason.

#21: “Big Pimpin’” by Jay-Z feat. UGK (1999)

That Timbaland beat. Dear lord. How can it sound so good against three radically different flows?! The man is truly a genius.

Yeah, Hov and Bun B and Pimp C all deliver here too, but let’s not pretend that beat isn’t the reason why this is a top-shelf Jay-Z single.

#20: “Larger Than Life” by Backstreet Boys (1999)

Yeah, it’s better than “I Want It That Way.” Not by a lot — they’re both perfect — but I’ve always preferred upbeat boy band songs to ballads.

“Larger Than Life” was named accurately. From the second the thumping beat kicks in, the song is a stadium-filling anthem, the kind arena-rock bands would’ve written a decade prior. Does it have a chorus that’s easy to scream along to at concerts? Check. Does it have a beat you can awkwardly groove to? Check. Does it have a bad-ass guitar solo thrown in? Shockingly, yeah.

Boy bands were the true rockstars of the late-’90s (apologies to, uh, Matchbox 20?), so it would only make sense to have one of them create a bonafide rock anthem. And when you match the Backstreet Boys’ sugary hooks with a roaring atmosphere worthy of Def Leppard, you’ve got a classic on your hands.

#19: “The Fly” by U2 (1991)

‘90s U2 is the best U2. I love Joshua Tree and Unforgettable Fire as much as the next guy, but I’ll take their weirdo, aggressively-ironic decade over their more earnest years any day.

Perhaps no song encapsulates U2′s ‘90s ethos better than “The Fly.” It’s got a slinky, nocturnal feel to the music, with The Edge’s guitar distorted slicing through like a machete. The swirling, tripped-out guitar solo here might be his greatest ever.

But like many U2 songs, “The Fly” belongs to Bono. In it, he plays the titular sleazebag from hell (literally — the song is about a crank call from down there), whispering sweet nothings into the listener’s ear. Do the lyrics actually mean anything? Honestly, I’m still not sure, but they still somehow sound transgressive and witty, if a bit corny. But you’ve got to expect a little corn when U2 is involved. And when Bono duets with himself on the sublime chorus, both as The Fly and in a piercing operatic falsetto, it’s one of the best hooks of the band’s career.

“The Fly” was the world’s introduction to the new U2 in 1991, and although it might have shocked people expecting another “With Or Without You,” it’s aged beautifully over 25 years later.

#18: “Heaven Or Las Vegas” by Cocteau Twins (1990)

Cocteau Twins are usually held up as dream pop’s forefathers, helping create a distinct, hazy sound that would inspire future artists from The Cranberries to Beach House to Washed Out. One listen to “Heaven Or Las Vegas” proves why the Scottish trio was such an inspiration.

“Heaven Or Las Vegas,” the title track to Cocteau Twins’ flawless 1990 album, is one of the most immaculate, gorgeous songs of the decade. Invoking both heaven and Las Vegas was accurate: the track is graceful, yet also drenched in neon synths and glitz. It perfectly toes the line between holiness and kitsch.

And here’s where I admit that, like most people, I can’t make out 90 percent of what vocalist Elizabeth Fraser is singing. Beyond belting out the title of the song in the chorus, the rest sounds like French, or speaking in tongues. Regardless, her ethereal alto is a perfect compliment to the swirling keyboards and gauzy guitars floating around her in space.

#17: “All The Small Things” by Blink-182 (1999)

In the classic video for “All The Small Things,” Blink-182 spends the entire runtime clowning on the TRL-era boy bands of the time. Here’s the ironic thing about that video: “All The Small Things” is secretly the greatest boy band song of the ‘90s (yes, that means *NSYNC didn’t make the list...their best songs came out in the early aughts, sorry).

Blink-182 are technically a pop-punk band, not a boy band, but you wouldn’t really know that from their most iconic, and best, hit. “All The Small Things” is direct, punchy and has a monster sing-along chorus. Sure, Tom DeLonge’s nasal whine isn’t a typical teen heartthrob voice, but young Justin Timberlake had an unusual voice too (“IT’S GONNA BAY MAAAAE”). 

The fact that “All The Small Things” is basically a bubblegum Trojan horse for Hot Topic kids is exactly what makes it so great. Chugging guitars can peacefully coexist with a TRL-ready melody and surprisingly romantic (if simple) lyrics. 

#16: “Gin & Juice” by Snoop Doggy Dogg (1993)

Nowadays, Snoop Dogg is probably more known for his intense love of weed, unwillingness to turn down collaborations, and friendship with Martha Stewart more than any new music. But Snoop’s earned the right to ease into being a hip-hop elder statesman, thanks to his landmark album Doggystyle and its standout single, “Gin & Juice.”

The young Snoop (only 22 at the time!!) had already nailed down his trademark, chilled-out drawl by 1993. He uses it to great effect on “Gin & Juice,” describing a wild house party filled with sex, drugs and alcohol like it’s just another regular day at the office. You can practically hear his knowing smile in the verses, and the chorus sung by D-Ruff is infectious as hell.

Of course, major credit has to be given to Dr. Dre’s G-funk production. It’s my favorite beat of his from this era, and its dog-whistle synths and shuffling beat perfectly fit the early-’90s California party vibe. 

#15: “Semi-Charmed Life” by Third Eye Blind (1997)

This is probably the only song in history to take heavy lyrical influence from the Doug theme song and simultaneously be about crystal meth.

It shouldn’t be hard to explain why “Semi-Charmed Life” is a classic, right? It turned an insanely bleak topic into one of the sunniest, most propulsive jams of all time. The rap-singing in the verses is a blast to keep up with, and that falsetto “goodBYYYYYYYE” in the chorus is the ‘90s equivalent of the high note in “Take On Me”: often-attempted in karaoke, with a very low success rate.

The late ‘90s had no shortage of great, weird pop jams, and “Semi-Charmed Life” is near the top of the pile.

#14: “Say It Ain’t So” by Weezer (1994)

My favorite ‘90s album will always be Blur’s Parklife. But my second choice would probably be Weezer’s self-titled “Blue Album,” a nerdy power-pop masterpiece. It’s an angstier mirror of The Cars’ 1976 debut, also self-titled; appropriate, seeing as Cars frontman Rik Ocasek produced Weezer’s first album.

The record’s centerpiece is the heartbreaking “Say It Ain’t So,” a perfect power ballad. The band nails the quiet/loud/quiet dynamic shifts from the mumbling verses to the supercharged chorus. There, Rivers Cuomo scratches his vocals, displaying his emotional wounds after alcoholism tore apart his family. 

For a band known for very silly songs like “Buddy Holly” and “Beverly Hills,” the passionate bridge, where Cuomo first wails away vocally before making his guitar do the same in a fiery solo, is truly heartbreaking. “Say It Ain’t So” proved that California dorks could pull off sadness just as well as the flannel-wearing Seattleites, if not better.

#13: “My Heart Will Go On” by Céline Dion (1997)

Earlier this year, Avengers: Endgame moved past Titanic on the all-time box office charts. As much as I enjoyed Endgame, this feels wrong. Sure, Marvel is a big deal, but was Endgame as much of a phenomenon as Titanic? No. Frankly, it’s not even a top-5 Marvel movie (although it is better than Avatar, which Endgame could pass soon for first place). 

Why has Titanic cemented itself in pop culture history? Part of that is because the movie is a stone-cold classic, featuring a frothy romance between two of a generation’s greatest actors that ends in unspeakable tragedy and heartbreak. But I believe there’s another aspect to the film that’s helped keep its legacy strong: its unsinkable theme song.

“My Heart Will Go On” is one of the greatest movie themes of all time, precisely because it mirrors its movie. Like Titanic, Céline Dion’s signature song starts as a tender, soft romance, before bursting into a dizzying climax that pummels the audience into submission, forcing tears.

I don’t think I need to emphasize that Dion is a fantastic singer — there are very few singers that could nail both the cooing opening and the Whitney Houston-esque belting at the final chorus. But “My Heart Will Go On” is still occasionally considered a punchline, and that’s just wrong. Any song with this much emotional heft and force cannot be taken lightly.

#12: “What’s The Frequency, Kenneth?” by R.E.M. (1994)

Two of Gen X’s longest-lasting and most important acts, U2 and R.E.M., switched roles in the ‘90s. U2 shifted their image from overly-earnest arena-rockers to weirdos dabbling in underground sounds. Meanwhile, their American counterparts went from mumbling college rock jams to radio-friendly ballads.

Not to be a total snob, but I’ve always preferred R.E.M.’s jangly ‘80s sound over their blockbuster early ‘90s albums. But the lead single off their underrated 1994 record Monster might be my favorite song of theirs.

“What’s The Frequency, Kenneth?” sounds like very few other R.E.M. songs. There’s no mandolins, and Michael Stipe’s lyrics are much clearer (although they make little sense). Instead of being bouncy and light, the guitars are a blast of crunchy distortion, not far off from a typical Smashing Pumpkins song.

In fact, Peter Buck’s guitar work here is what makes “Kenneth.” His echo-y sound adds a raw texture to the tune. And although the lyrics are a bit cryptic (apparently it’s about Boomers trying to advertise to Gen Xers? I have no clue), Stipe’s melody is on-point, as usual.

Although the sound of alt-rock had long passed by R.E.M.’s original style, “Kenneth” showed that the Georgia legends were more than able to keep up.

#11: “Steal My Sunshine” by Len (1999)

This sunburnt ode to being young and dumb in the gloriously young-and-dumb late ‘90s is the greatest summer anthem of all time. And the greatest one-hit-wonder of all time.

“Steal My Sunshine” is the soundtrack to driving with the windows down, goofing with your friends and pretty much any positive aspect of summer. Gloriously dumb and kitschy-fun summer songs like this are perfect examples of why the late-’90s was a golden age for pop.

#10: “Man! I Feel Like A Woman!” by Shania Twain (1997)

While we’re talking about that late-’90s pop boom, how crazy is it that the era’s best single is technically a country song? 

Of course, “Man! I Feel Like A Woman!” is barely a country song — yes, there’s some violins and slide guitar buried in the mix, but there’s also a thundering synth riff and Twain barely has a Southern twang (makes sense, seeing as she’s Canadian). And there’s no mention of any country tropes like pickup trucks or whiskey in the lyrics.

What “Man!” does bring to the table is a tongue-in-cheek, groovy pop-rock jam that’s just as easy to love as it is to make jokes about. Sure, it’s corny as hell — see the obvious joke in the song’s title — but Twain is clearly having way too much fun to care. And in a decade filled with angst and irony, a super-cheesy pop jam like this probably seemed like a needed salvo.

And the Mutt Lange production on this has some serious oomph to it. Before his extensive work with Twain, his then-wife, Lange was arguably best known for mastering the roided-out arena rock sound of the ‘80s, assisting on classic tunes from The Cars, AC/DC and Def Leppard. He even gave us this beautifully ridiculous Billy Ocean track, which might be the greatest song ever written. Lange brings some weight to “Man!”, making Twain’s female-empowerment anthem an actual anthem.

Listen, if this song isn’t for you, I get it. But for those of us who have the prerogative to have a little fun, “Man! I Feel Like A Woman!” is the pinnacle of one of pop’s greatest eras.

#9: “Check The Rhime” by A Tribe Called Quest (1991)

A lot of ‘90s rap hasn’t aged well, even if it’s still a ton of fun. Albums from Dr. Dre and Puff Daddy and even Jay-Z can sound like time capsules. But that’s not a problem that A Tribe Called Quest has, as their smooth jazz-rap still sounds timeless and perfect.

“Check The Rhime” is the Queens group’s brightest highlight off of their 1991 magnum opus, The Low End Theory. It’s a simple setup: MCs Q-Tip and Phife Dawg introduce the other rapper by reminiscing about freestyling on street corners back in the day. Then, both Tip and Phife get their own verse, each stuffed with playful lines and life advice — Industry Rule 4080 still holds to this day.

Unlike a lot of ‘90s hip-hop that was trying desperately to either be menacing or cool, Tip and Phife ooze effortless charisma on their verses in a playful, almost childlike way. Phife starts his verse reminding everyone “how nice I am” (before proclaiming that he flips off “punk MCs”). Tip even seems to diss MC Hammer by saying “rap is not pop/if you call it that then stop,” but apparently, this was meant as a defense of the then-megastar. Maybe.

“Check The Rhime” works partially because of its funky, minimalist production, but also because the Tribe’s two rappers were born to spit non sequiturs and awkward brags over a jazz-rap beat until the end of time.

#8: “I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone” by Sleater-Kinney (1996)

I’m not sure how flamingly hot of a take this is, but I’d say Sleater-Kinney is the greatest band in Northwest history. Yes, better than Nirvana. 

1997′s Dig Me Out is a flawless masterpiece, and there’s not a single dud in their eight-album discography. Unlike many of the major Washington acts from this era, the Olympia three-piece never lost relevancy, releasing some of their strongest work in the 2000′s.

But Sleater-Kinney’s best single, “I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone,” is actually from one of their early albums. And it serves as a thesis statement for the decades of great music to come.

Legendary guitarist Carrie Brownstein takes over vocals here, nailing both the sardonic verses and the thrilling, off-kilter chorus. “Joey Ramone” tackles an interesting subject: how almost all of indie rock’s heroes up to that point had been male. So when Brownstein wails about wanting to be Joey Ramone or Thurston Moore, she’s placing Sleater-Kinney in the pantheon of rock greats. And this was just their second album.

Luckily, Sleater-Kinney had the goods to back up their chutzpah, and “Joey Ramone” became prophetic.

#7: “Supersonic” by Oasis (1994)

Just a couple months after Kurt Cobain’s death, two unibrowed guys from Manchester (and the rest of their band) completely upended the rock world with their band Oasis’ debut album, Definitely Maybe. After a few years of gloom-and-doom dominating the genre, it, along with fellow hit albums from Blur and Pulp, helped usher in the brighter world of Britpop in the mid-’90s.

That album’s first single, “Supersonic,” is still the greatest thing Oasis ever produced. (Yes, it’s better than “Wonderwall.”)

“Supersonic” is a blast of rude, snotty rock-n-roll cranked up to 11. In an era of irony and sarcasm, lead singer Liam Gallagher was spouting out nonsense lyrics like they were the most important and coolest thing in the world. And for the four-and-a-half minutes of this song, they probably are.

Everything about “Supersonic” is boneheaded perfection, from the thunderous drums to the dual guitars, one crunchy, one soaring; all the way to Liam’s sneer. This is prime Oasis, the band running on all cylinders. Based on how ramshackle this sounds, it’s no wonder the band only stayed great for two albums. But at least we’ll always have that legendary start.

#6: “1979″ by The Smashing Pumpkins (1995)

On the opposite end of the cool spectrum as Oasis and Sleater-Kinney, you have Billy Corgan — singer/songwriter/control freak of The Smashing Pumpkins and alt-rock’s most weaselly, petty figure. But say what you want about him as a person, Corgan wrote some incredible alt-rock pop nuggets.

“1979″ is a major outlier in the Pumpkins’ discography. It’s not an angsty shoegaze/grunge banger or an orchestral power ballad. It’s a low-key, skeletal new-wave track that perfectly captures the boredom and aimlessness of youth.

While many songs about being a teenager capture either its euphoric highs or angsty lows, “1979″ is one of the few classic songs that nails the in-between moments. It’s the feeling of walking to the 7-Eleven with your friends, cracking jokes that you’ll probably forget the next day. It’s about sitting in a parking lot and just waiting to leave your hometown.

"1979″ isn’t a grand gesture, but in a backwards way, that makes it even more profound. And from a band who typically dealt in soaring, intensely emotional songs, it was a brilliant change-of-pace that will no-doubt be relatable to teens for a long time to come.

#5: “Rebel Girl” by Bikini Kill (1993)

Two massively important alt-rock movements came from the Puget Sound in the early ‘90s. One is grunge. The other is riot grrrl, centered around a group of furious, political women-led bands in Olympia. And although Sleater-Kinney may be the subgenre’s longest-lasting act, its brightest moment came in 1993 with Bikini Kill and their incendiary single “Rebel Girl.”

Lead singer/songwriter/punk icon Kathleen Hanna is the focal point of “Rebel Girl,” wailing away on the microphone about an unnamed woman who is just the absolute coolest. The woman is described as a confident, revolutionary lesbian figure who would serve as an inspiration for angsty teens across the globe.

And oh yeah — “Rebel Girl” absolutely shreds. It sounds like there’s maybe 18 guitars going at once on the track, and Tobi Vail’s drum work is fearsome. Just to give more rock cred to the song, it was produced and features guitar work from Joan Jett. The rock legend and Bikini Kill made a great pairing, creating a song that sounds angry, with its distorted guitars and punk drums, but is actually a triumphant feminist anthem for the ages.

#4: “Linger” by The Cranberries (1993)

In an early-’90s rock scene filled with distorted guitars and raw angst, The Cranberries broke out in 1993 with a song that sounded nothing like the crowd. And over 25 years later, their stunningly gorgeous single “Linger” has aged far better than most of the grunge and alt-rock it was surrounded by.

The Irish four-piece took inspiration from Cocteau Twins’ and Galaxie 500′s dream pop and just made the hooks even more bulletproof and melancholy. “Linger” is the kind of ballad that’s a perfect fit for a longing prom slow dance and for crying with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s on the couch after a break up.

The late Dolores O’Riordan’s lilting vocals are a miracle here, able to express both hope and resignation. Her heavy Irish accent helps the vocals become another instrument in the band’s sweeping wall of sound, alongside the jangly guitars, marching-beat drums and orchestral swells.

It’s the most beautiful song of an ugly (in a good way!) decade, and arguably the greatest dream pop song ever written. The Cranberries would later adopt the heavy guitars of their Seattle peers, but “Linger” is still a high-water mark for the subgenre.

#3: “Juicy” by The Notorious B.I.G. (1994)

The first verse alone could’ve gotten “Juicy” into this list’s top 10. It’s one of the most-memorable and quotable verses of all time, exquisitely detailing The Notorious B.I.G.’s rise to fame. And then we get two more stellar verses?! 

“Juicy” is frequently cited among one of the greatest hip-hop songs of all time, and it’s deserving of that reputation. Biggie penned the definitive rags-to-riches story in just five minutes (honestly, more like four, as he and producer Puff Daddy let the beat ride for a bit at the end) and then blessed it with his silky-smooth, commanding flow.

What separates “Juicy” from other come-up anthems is the vivid detail Biggie gives us, both about his impoverished Brooklyn upbringing (“We used to fuss when the landlord dissed us/No heat, wondered why Christmas missed us”) and his stunning rise to fame (“Girls used to diss me/Now they write letters cause they miss me”). He even brags about owning a Super Nintendo AND a Sega Genesis, which was the biggest early-90′s flex possible.

Of course, knowing the tragic ending of Biggie’s story, “Juicy” has a bit of a bittersweet feeling to it now. But its ‘80′s-retro beat and infectious glee can still bring a smile to my face every time I hear it.

#2: “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana (1991)

Well, duh.

There is no song that encapsulates an entire decade and generation like “Smells Like Teen Spirit” does for the ‘90′s and Gen X. It famously changed the entire rock landscape nearly overnight from sleazy hair metal to grimy alt-rock. It’s one of the most famous and iconic songs ever written. And shockingly, it still retains all of its revolutionary power nearly 30 years later.

How does “Smells Like Teen Spirit” pull off the balancing act of being a time capsule, yet still sounding remarkably fresh? I believe it’s because it captures the raw feeling of visceral rage and confusion better than nearly any song. Most angry songs have a target, whether its racist politicians, stuffy adults, or even a crappy ex. “Teen Spirit” has no tangible reason for its angst. Kurt Cobain’s lyrics are famously nonsense. And that’s what makes the song so brilliant.

Because the song is so emotionally powerful in a visceral way, it really doesn’t matter that the lyrics are meaningless. All you need to love the song is to connect with the anger buried deep, and start moshing the moment Dave Grohl’s instantly-recognizable drum fill meets the clanging guitars. It’s a total banger.

Cobain might not have had the intent of creating a generational anthem that would last beyond Gen X. But as long as people feel “stupid and contagious” alongside a creeping rise of angst, waiting to burst, “Teen Spirit” will remain relevant.

#1: “Common People” by Pulp (1995)

For a subgenre entirely built around a particular country’s culture, most major Britpop acts surprisingly refrained from politics. Oasis never sniffed the subject, and while Blur got close, songs like “Parklife” or “Stereotypes” were more winking jokes than bold statements.

Then there’s Pulp. Their most beloved track, “Common People,” is a scathing attack on the British upper class who indulge in poverty tourism, unaware of how the other half really lives. And it’s the best song of the ‘90s.

There are few things I love more than a perfectly executed story-song, and lead singer/songwriter Jarvis Cocker gives listeners a doozy here. “Common People” is about a rich woman talking to, well, a common person, and she decides she wants the poor guy to show her how to “live like common people.” Cocker’s songwriting is very literary, going into detail about the woman’s history and her botched attempt to act poor while shopping for groceries, as well as all the lower-class problems the wealthy will never understand. As Cocker bluntly puts it, “If you call your dad/he could stop it all.”

“Common People” is just as furious as “Teen Spirit,” but Cocker has clear targets here: the one-percent, and the misguided idea that poverty is somehow cool. The song starts calmly, almost at a whisper, but by the final, heart-pounding climax, Cocker is wailing away, condemning the upper-class with gusto.

The swelling disco-rock groove channels this anger into an absurdly catchy tune — an odd combination of musical tone and lyrics, but one that’s effective. It’s a giant middle finger that you can sing along to.

Britpop might have ended, but the sentiment of “Common People” is still fresh today as a righteous anthem for the trod-upon. 

[martywurst]

Always Bombing

I can’t believe it. The pain finally subsided. That was rough man. I have to get a tooth extracted after the holidays and that’s not even the one that just tortured me for the last hour. Turning screws into my gums, I just wanted to enjoy a slider from work! Who eats while they’re in pain, that’s no fun.

It made me wish I was bombing on stage. That kind of pain is ok. I can deal with an audience staring at me during one of my confusing act-outs with maximum levels of flailing. But I can’t block out the pain of tooth #3.

I can fix the teeth. I can fix my reputation. I can’t fix that joke. Time to extract it.

Bombing in the moment, it feels like it’s all over and I let everybody down. My friends on the show. The booker, well, that’s a one and fuck you, you’re done. That one comic that I’ve been wanting to meet and now this is their first impression of me. The couple that I met before the show, they were so excited for me. They didn’t say goodbye on the way out. Even the servers were disappointed, they could feel the awkwardness in the club while dropping off cocktails.

There are many comics that I look up to that have ONLY seen me bomb. People I really like, but I only run into them every 6 months. I want them to know that I’m a pretty funny guy, but yes, I also bomb huge when it goes wrong. Spin the wheel on any given week and there’s gonna be a bomb. Those people always see me bomb. Then I have a good set, but they left early- shit! If you pay attention to shit like this then you’re crazy like me. I have a handful of names that I want to impress because I love funny people. I want to be funny with them.

Posting about bombing on Facebook sounds like a cry for help, but I just think it’s interesting. I know I’m fine, I bomb all the time, it’s part of the work. Maybe non-comics and family members think, “Oh, standup is just not for you Marty.” It’s hard to explain that I have to be terrible to get anywhere. That’s what we forget, we all fucking bomb, but mentioning it is like admitting you’re a shitty comedian or something. It shouldn’t matter online anyway, when you do good at mics, people notice, that’s that. Wait, this guy just admitted he bombed, forget it. I didn’t realize he dabbled in failure, I’ll book Neel Nanda instead. I like to reference Neel Nanda, I haven’t seen him in years. I’m pretty sure Neel Nanda has only seen me bomb.

I’m not gonna post how I kill. I don’t kill, I don’t destroy, I have good sets. I don’t know how to destroy yet. Seems like a lot of comedians do, but I don’t do that, believe me. I’ve seen professionals wait a minute on stage to start their next joke because the room was too busy howling. That seems like a bonafide murder. That’s a killer.

Sometimes the room isn’t with me, but then I’ll see a random couple laughing their asses off through an entire bit. They liked my Metallica routine or they like the horror movie stuff. I just caught a sneak preview of my future fans. They’re out there, just gotta trust myself. Keep writing the stupid stuff that makes me laugh. Do the comedy I want to do. Eat plenty of shit on stage to get there.

I bombed in San Diego harder than I’ve ever bombed in my life. It’s worse when you feel it happening and it’s so strong it interrupts your joke. I actually stopped because it was overwhelming. I started talking about how it wasn’t going well. I insisted a woman in the front row hated me. I dug myself deeper. I sounded insincere when talking about a charity. My jokes floundered. I fucked up other comic’s intros. I got the light 10 minutes early. I bought an audience member a beer and even that gesture looked back-handed. I guess I killed after all, but not in a good way.

The other comics avoided eye contact while it was happening, just listening to me drown. Nobody liked me. Then I did it a SECOND TIME in the same night. It really shook me to the core. Thank Christ I didn’t record it, one of the few fucks ups that paid off, I don’t have to quote my bombing to you verbatim. Believe me it…was…the…WURST. (seven assholes have a heart-attack from laughing so hard)

Every week is different. My ego inflates after a string of minor victories. Then the inevitable bombing sideswipes me a day later, hurling me backwards into the shit. There’s that feeling of, well now my friends don’t think I’m capable of being funny. They’ll forget I was ever good! I did everything we usually mock at open mics. I didn’t trust myself. I got caught up in the words. I never looked at the audience. Fuck, I thought I had it all figured out! Guess I’m starting over again.

Here’s a short documentary I shot about a group of comics dealing with a tougher than usual gig. Bombing seemed like the only option, even though our booker insisted that “If people don’t laugh, you are not bombing.”

We all enjoy watching our friends bomb right? Come on! Yeah you do. I love seeing my talented friends fall from grace every once in awhile, it makes us equals. Or puts me slightly on top, haha! (high-fives nobody)

Understanding the pain, that’s what brings us together.

Just remember, you’re not alone. I saw you bomb. Maybe you saw me bomb. It know it’s awful. I’m sure you’re very good, just not that time. Huh. Next time was actually a little worse. Well, it happens. Three times is definitely not a charm. ….uh-oh.

On second thought, I’ll never bomb as hard as you- YEEEEEEEESH! (pulls collar, makes farting noises)

Here’s a clip of me bombing through a half-idea that I can’t seem to articulate or say in an interesting manner!

And here’s a video of me bombing more. Happy Thanksgiving!

[kissingwithcannibals]

Bollywood and Camo Hats: A Glimpse Beyond the Bubble

Do you guys remember how, in the previous post, I wrote about one of my best friends, the Indian girl? (Okay, gotta stop referring to her as “the Indian girl.” She does actually have a name. The gang and I do not call her “the Indian girl.” Out of respect for her privacy, I’m going to call her “Kelly,” because she’s remarkably like Kelly Kapoor from The Office, the only exception being that The Office’s Kelly Kapoor is, believe it or not, a bit toned-down compared to our “Kelly.” That’s a fact, Jack.  

Anyway. She wrote to me! A very thoughtful email. (You might even say...my first fan mail?! Trying to not let all this fame go to my head.)  I asked her if I could throw it up on the blog. So here’s most of what she wrote! 

“I think you do have a culture and that culture is White Middle-Class America. AKA what we think of as a majority of America, the America that is most often referenced in our politics, movies, T.V. shows… and I think about some of the values that you have, that seem intrinsic to you. The value of pursuing a career for passion, to marry for love, to be an independent entity from your family. These things to me are individualistic. Those aren’t universal values, they are uniquely American. Like you said, it’s hard to parse this out when it seems plain or boring. But it’s only plain or boring, because most of the people around you are within your culture.

I think about my cousins in India, who are so fascinated by America. The movies they watch, the T.V shows that they are obsessed with, their standards of beauty, are all from America. And I think that goes to show how fascinating the world finds America. So yeah, I think that the girl from Nepal would find the way you grew up so foreign, so different than what everyone around her grew up as. In Bollywood movies, the hero and heroine just sing about their love for each other, many times they don’t even kiss. And when we look at our movies and T.V shows, sex and love between relationship partners are often depicted, lovingly, and as normal. I think these both reflect different cultural values of love & sex.

I think this is kind of where my struggle comes in, as growing up navigating two different cultures and worlds. It’s easy for my parents because they grew up, much like you, surrounded by people who were just like them. Everyone stayed at home, got an arranged marriage, chose careers that were respectable to the family. That was normal, they didn’t even think about it then. That was their water. When they moved here, it was a completely new different culture. It was scary. I think this is where their overprotectiveness came in. When you grow up thinking of one way as right, and then move to a place where that is now not the case, you hold tighter to what you do know.

Manlius in particular is so homogenous [note: Manlius is our hometown]. I grew up having to code-switch, switching my values, the way I spoke and everything depending on who I was around. In adolescence, we think of encouraging teenagers to speak their mind, figure out who they are. How unique is that to America! In Indian culture, I think of adolescence as the time to affirm their commitment to their families.

Some of the feelings that I felt were underneath the surface when you were writing, was an aversive-ness to being “plain vanilla”.  Something I did think could be unpacked is that currently American culture can seem divisive, angry, conservative. Maybe the fear there is the “Fuck yea Amurica!” Trump-loving, “patriotic” group of people who consider themselves to be proud Americans, are obviously not reflective of who you are as well.  I’m not quite sure where that thought was going…but something that I thought of.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I wouldn’t consider yourself as boring, plain or vanilla. I would consider yourself as privileged (this is such a hot button word that I hate using it but I think it somewhat fits) to grow up in a place where most people’s cultures were reflective of yours as well. And I’m proud that you’re even thinking about it, because sometimes I feel frustrated when people assume it for granted. And we should be having more conversations like this with everyone!! Because if you move to a completely new culture, I think you’ll see clearer the water you were in all along.”

Wow, good stuff by Kelly! Thanks, Kelly. That’s a lot to chew on. 

I want to talk a bit about what was said here. I’ve had tunnel vision about my upbringing for some time now, and I think this discussion has given me some clarity. (Hey, you guys remember when that Zedd song “Clarity” was all the rage? Wow we are already off track. Focus, Jake, focus!)  

“The value of pursuing a career for passion, to marry for love, to be an independent entity from your family. These things to me are individualistic.”

Aha, this right here. See, one of my problems is that when I want to play dress-up as a cultural anthropologist, I too often focus on the artifacts of a lifestyle. The class of things easily seen, heard, and felt. I think about the kind fashion that was acceptable at high school- a spectrum between casual and preppy. What were the hit songs and popular genres of music? (Never really met a lot of country fans.) The churches that we belonged to (or didn’t). Or the patterns of speech: our choice of slang through nasally CNY accents. It’s as if I could tally up all these things and say, “This is my culture. It’s X, Y, and Z.” And to an extent, this is true. That is part of the equation. 

But greater forces are at work in the background. Growing up they were at work largely chartering our courses without our knowing. In Manlius, it was never questioned that you would go to college. You would move out of the house and away from this small, delicate town. Entering right into the work force or going to community college or a trade school held unspoken stigmas. That was for stupid kids. Or poor kids. Or poor, stupid kids. The school administration, the guidance counselors, our parents, they all beat this drum in sync during our years in high school. (Argh, what I would do to go back and take a gap year between high school and college! Just to work an honest job and get my priorities in order.  Instead I went off to college without a plan. Turns out that I was the stupid kid. It was me all along!) 

And, yeah, marriage. Woof. Even though a pre-arranged marriage could be of great benefit to a dateless knob like your truly, I think one of the truly amazing things about life in America is that some poor girl out there can’t be forced to marry me. (And for that let us join together and all breathe a biiiiig collective sigh of relief.) That’s just not how we roll in America. This is not India. In America the individual takes priority over the family. Go to college. Find your passion. Marriage? That comes later.

So...individualism. That’s a big one for the white, suburban culture I grew up in. One last comment on this: there is a kind of ironic contradiction at play here. It is a site of tension that only becomes visible in hindsight for some of us, myself included. From our position of privilege, most everyone here is provided the luxury of choosing the life they want, but overriding social pressures then covertly narrow these very choices. “Well, you don’t have to go to college. You can do whatever you’d like! Buuuuut not going would be a terrible idea, you know. So you better go to college.” It’s like that line from that one Metallica song, “You can do it your own way. If it's done just how I say!” Ah, such a great album. 

 “I think about my cousins in India, who are so fascinated by America. The movies they watch, the T.V shows that they are obsessed with, their standards of beauty, are all from America.  

Consumerism. Now there’s something I didn’t give enough attention to before. After all, teens can’t relish in suburban car culture if they can’t afford cars. With wealth comes buying. It’s pretty obvious that my own upbringing has warped my sense of what defines culture. Too often I see culture as what is available for purchase: clothes, music, cars, games, phones, food, furniture, books, movies, apps. As Kelly said: think about all those people in other countries who are crazy to get their hands on American products and media. And here I am, swimming in it all! I’m not phased by any of it. The grass is always greener on the other side. Well, I’m on the side that some people wanna be on. I’m kicking back on a lawn chair, Ray-bans on, ear buds in, watching Netflix on my laptop. No wonder I can’t see beyond my own front lawn! (Just kidding, of course. I don’t own any Ray-bans. I look terrible in sunglasses.) 

I mentioned in my last post how I erroneously relate culture with that which is foreign and exotic. I’ll also say that I very regretfully tend to associate “real culture” with third-world (developing? poor?) countries. Like somehow a culture is richer when it isn’t embedded with consumerism. As if to say that certain expressions of culture, such as in art and music, don’t develop as fully when people are more interested in simply buying more stuff. Things like conspicuous consumption tend to creep in and become a widespread practice. Obviously this line of thinking has some fallacies to it. (But there also may be some truth to it. I’ve done some reading lately in which I’ve learned that in certain areas of the world, East Asian nations for example, there exist large pockets of animosity toward the reach of Western consumer culture, and for the way it has transformed these societies in recent decades.) 

“Something I did think could be unpacked is that currently American culture can seem divisive, angry, conservative.” 

This is why I’ve thought about living in the Deep South for a time. And I mean in a very conservative area, a real backcountry spot on the map. A place where I can wear cargo shorts while learning how to make alcohol in the woods. Heck, I might even be the first vegetarian some of these people ever meet. Who knows! There’s a whole world out there. At some point I should step out of my bubble and into someone else’s. 

This is also a good reminder that there are many American cultures. My whole world is liberal, white, and suburban. Imagine if I had grown up in inner-city Syracuse. Heck, even white and rural would be another way of life. You don’t have to drive very far out of Manlius before it’s all pickup trucks and camo hats. I think about one of my roommates during my senior year at SU. A guy named Shawn. (Great guy!) We are both from small towns in New York, but he obviously grew up in a lifestyle of a much more rural bent. He drove a pickup truck, and I don’t wanna say it was a big pickup truck, but I swear I needed a boost just to climb into the cab. The radio stations were dialed into country. Old-school country. And Shawn traps and hunts. I don’t have the heart for that. Too squeamish. Plush, squirrels and beavers are in my list of top favorite animals. He was also very handy. One time some drunk kids smashed the wooden table we had on our front porch. What did Shawn do? He fixed it! Okay, well, I should stop talking about Shawn. I’m starting to feel a bit useless. The point is: I’m a fish out of water in Shawn’s world, and our worlds are not that far apart.  

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this post, it’s that writing about culture is hard. There are so many moving parts, so many variables at play. It’s difficult to discuss the large-scale, invisible forces at work without it all coming out as some garbled mess. (As evidence of this, please note this very blog post.) At least I’ve been reminded a good critique of culture is one that looks beyond the stuff and materials, and focuses on the values, e.g. individualism, consumerism, marriage, politics, race, geography. Moving forward, If I’m going to examine my own upbringing, I’d be better off picking apart one area in detail. Really throw it under the microscope.   

Now, if you’ll excuse me, another episode of Moonshiners is currently playing on the Discovery Channel. I need to prepare. 

[thisaintascenereviews]

Album Review by Bradley Christensen Styx – The Mission Record Label: Universal Music Release Date: June 16 2017

Speaking of bands that I didn’t even know were still around, which is a reference to my last review of Accept’s new LP, The Rise Of Chaos (it’s a very good album, by the way, and fans of traditional heavy metal will enjoy it), Styx has a new album out. I know they’re not a metal band at all, but I happened to be walking around Barnes and Noble earlier this week, where I came across The Mission. I’ve been thinking about diving more into classic rock, especially greatest hits albums, and I also saw a Styx greatest hits album, too, that wasn’t all that much. My mom owns a copy of that album, but I thought I’d pick up my own, just because the album didn’t cost a whole lot, like I said. I was oddly curious about The Mission, but the album was a bit expensive at Barnes and Noble, so I picked up at Best Buy for a few dollars less. I did some research before I ultimately decided to pick it up, and not only did I find out that Styx is still around, The Mission is their first album in twelve years. That’s interesting, right? Styx is one of those bands from the 70s and 80s that people love, and they remember, but they’re not brought up as often as bands like Pink Floyd, Rush, or Yes. Okay, sure, these guys weren’t as weird or complex as those bands, but they were on the more accessible side of prog-rock. Hell, they kind of remind me of 80s (and early 90s) era Genesis, as Genesis started off as a prog-rock band, but with drummer Phil Collins taking the lead vocal duties from Peter Gabriel, the band went into more of a pop-rock route. They still had traces of their progressive sound, but they were definitely more mainstream-friendly throughout the 80s and early 90s. Styx is the same way, I think, because their brand of prog-rock is more accessible than their peers. That’s not a bad thing, though, especially coming from someone that’s never been able to get into prog.

I’ll admit that I was kind of skeptical about this album, considering it’s their first album in twelve years, Styx was never a band that I was super into (even though I have fond memories listening to them), and lead vocalist Dennis DeYoung isn’t apart of this album, although the original vocalist Tommy Shaw is, and he’s got a good set of pipes, so I’m not necessarily complaining here, but DeYoung is a great singer. I was still curious, though, and it comes down to being rather impressed with the new Metallica album, 2016’s Hardwired…To Self-Destruct. Okay, that album wasn’t amazing, but I was surprised at how much I enjoyed that (if you want my complete thoughts, I did talk about the album recently, but long story short is that I really like it, it’s just too long and meandering for its own good, so I’m not as into it as I wish I was), as well as being heavily into the new Accept album, so I thought this new Styx album might be good, too. If these old school metal bands can surprise me, maybe this old school rock band can, too, right? I’ve been listening to the album for a little under a week, and honestly, yeah, it kind of did surprise me. The Mission is a solid LP, but I can’t say it’s an amazing album, either. I don’t know if I love this LP, but you know what? I like it. It’s a neat little prog-rock album that doesn’t take itself too seriously, nor is the album all that long. The Mission is only 42 minutes, although I have to admit that it does feel a bit longer, because the album has a lot of songs within it. It’s one of those albums, unfortunately, but at the same time, it doesn’t bother me that much. The album is still short, and for what it is, I enjoy it a lot. This LP’s also interesting, because it’s a concept album, and unlike many concept albums that I’ve heard, this one is easy to follow.

The concept isn’t very hard to understand, either, as it follows a mission to Mars, and everything that happens along the way. I can’t say the concept is really, really amazing, deep, or profound, but in terms of concepts, I like it. It’s not that hard to follow, because not much really happens. What’s most important is the music itself, and the music itself is very good. If you’re into prog-rock, there’s a chance you might like this, but I say that for a reason. This album isn’t full of weird time signatures, wonky guitar solos, and pretentious garbage like that. This LP is more or less what Styx is known for – catchy and “epic” hooks, very interesting synth-work, solid guitarwork, and very accessible song structures that won’t feel overwhelming at all. I could see more pretentious prog fans turning their noses up at this record, because it’s not totes experimental enough, but it doesn’t bother me at all. I can’t say I love this LP, since it doesn’t quite hold a candle to their classic songs (I say songs instead of albums, since I haven’t listened to their other albums, just this one, but I do know a lot of their songs, thanks to hearing the greatest hits album), but at the end of the day, I do really like it. This LP is a good time, especially for how short it is, and its concept is kind of neat, but it doesn’t do much more than their classic material. I feel like this album, and albums from bands like this, is made for fans of these bands, first and foremost, since most people aren’t dying to hear new album from these bands, but I think it’s neat. It’s cool that Styx, and tons more bands, are alive and kicking, and at this point in time, they don’t need to keep making albums, whether it’s because these musicians are older now, or they have royalties coming in constantly, but they put out albums, anyway, just because they enjoy it. In turn, I enjoy this LP, but it’s not quite one that I would say everyone should immediately listen to.