#anyway she had nothing to say to me didnt even get pissed off bc there's nothing to refute

[mainfaggot]

another shit fucking day but in the most casual way possible bc all i did was sulk study cry study sulk and finally, sulk in the shower. chai next and then bed . fuck my stupid baka life forrealsies

[sneckoil]

ok so i haven't watched housemd since i was a kid and just finished s1 and i am just. why is cameron written like that. genuinely her thing with house had me so completely lost this season. feels like a waste of a great actress but?? maybe I'm wrong?? she just feels so. empty as a character to me. regardless i would love to know what your opinion is on the character bc from what i remember it doesn't get better from here

I dont blame you ban-joey and I really appreciate your courage to send this off anon. We probably have the same experience. I watched house as a kid too (when I was 14, like 10 yrs ago) and hated her for being contrarian and inconsistent and in the way. But since then i’ve looked inward and found i was imposing double standards wrought by internalized misogyny. Anyway.

My opinions on cameron:

Number 1, if i were her i would shoot my shot with house too. excuse me. as if most of us on here are not just twenny… thirty somethings pining after old men. happily going on a monster truck date? getting a date in return for the old man to have me back on my team? Yeah. I respect the hustle. fuck that old man or whatever. marry him when he’s sick. phantom thread him

Number 2, liking Cameron is easy once you accept. That she is really really really not normal. I know this may be something you already know. But internalize it. She says something righteous but it doesnt mean that that is her defining trait. There is something so deeply wrong with her. I know you’re still on season 1 and Yes she Gets Worse but if you are working with the same lens as i am (that there’s something WRONG with her) then everything that happens makes sense. [spoilers] Of course youre only attracted to people when they’re sick and dying. Of course your reaction to being told youre boring is getting high on your patient’s drugs a few weeks away from your HIV test results. Of course you wanted to cheat on your dying husband with his best friend who comforted you while your husband was dying but you didn’t and you still haven’t after the fact he died. Of course you kept your dead husband’s sperm. Of course you wanted to kill a dictator but didnt, and then got pissed at your husband who Did kill him, a husband you actually felt nothing for and was hesitant to even let propose to you [/end spoilers] she’s so funny. If she were a guy they’d call her a messy bitch and love her for it. she has uncategorizable mental illnesses masking as a savior complex.

Number 3, you’re right about the emptiness on some level though. They wanted to write her out of the show and they did her so bad. And I’d say yeah she’s inconsistent as a character, but that goes for Everyone in this show. House isn’t consistent. Wilson isn’t consistent. None of them are consistent. Cameron is only as well-written as the writer who knows how to write her. I’ve suspected the only reason i hated her when I was 14 was she got in the way of hilson. But nowadays that stuff is so unserious to me. All i care about now is messy people being messy about other people

Number 4, she compels me. I like that she’s interesting. I don’t like most of her decisions, I disagree with her the most, but it’s interesting. She’s fun to Watch. She’s no Foreman (that guy is a case study in layers of character depth but that’s for another ramble) but that’s more than i can say for her than someone like, say, Chase LMAO

That being said if you dont like cameron then that’s fine 👍 we live in a society etc etc

I end with this (thank you jackie for putting this image on my feed)

[kyleiskoool]

massive rod family/heritage headcanon dump:

okay so i kind-of feel like rod is french canadian. i really love making people french canadian gang... so yeah rod can speak french pretty fluently. also the canadian part purely bc of mgwlic. so it makes sense for him to say that he had a girlfriend in canada. (because rod isnt dumb, he wouldve thought it out a little bit guys) but yeah i loveeee making it so people can speak french.

okay but dont get me wrong, french is a romantic language but when rod speaks it he is the least romantic peraon ever. he speaks really direct bc all of the times he spoke french it was yelling at his parents (just wait ill expand on it). but when he gets mad he starts spouting shit off in french (nicky has picked up a few new phrases). but yeah he spoke french from birth and learnt english a bit at home and went to an english speaking school.

parental wise? i love rod so he's getting the lesbian mum treatment (me applying the fact my mum left- dw half of this isnt what happened in my life).

okay so rod grew up in a right winged family (thats why hes republican) in french canada. he has an older brother (but he is ALOT older like 11yrs older so he never rly knew her) and mum and dad. and then other relatives that r irrelevant. everything was pretty typical. he never really spoke to his brother but he was at christmas and stuff.

trauma time 😜

rods mum up and left at like 9 years old to go live with a lesbian lover. rods dad is PISSED bc theyre like highly conservative. even though he was homophobic before this CEMENTS that ideology in his mind. he doubles down and drills it into rods head that being gay is bad and he is nothing if he was gay. he never saw his mother after she left.

this is why he is so scared to come out. hes scared that everyone thinks this way and theyre all out to get him and abandon him. so he also doubts it when he feels it because he doesnt want to be bad. but yeah :( thats why he bonded with nicky so much because he secretly thought nicky was rly brave for supporting the lgbtq but he was still scared that somehow his dad would find out.

this goes into more that rods dad refused to let him do anything 'feminine'. he trued to get rod to play a sport but he couldn't for the life of him so he took up an instrument (the clarinet) instead. he always wanted to do the musical and sing, but once again, it wasnt seen as 'manly' enough. thats why he loves going to shows and is so wowed when be sees nicky in shows.

his brother definitely started talking to him a bit more when rod was in college. rod reached out first asking for advice. his brother pretty much said 'study, dont get kept up in emotional things and find a roommate with the same interests as you'. after that, his brother kept tabs on him as he moved on with life. he tries to help princeton in the same way his brother helped him.

his brother heard about his mum and didnt really care. he was definitely never that homophobic or conservative (thats why he moved out so quickly) so he never really cared about his mum being lesbian.

okay wait im just gonna do this here. this is a yap abt how rod and nicky became friends bc like why not.

okay so rod was majoring business or something i cant be fucked to care. anyways, he usually studied in the library or the caf at night. and he saw alot of faces but nickys just stood out to him for some reason. he eventually figured out he was a theatre major and that his name was an n name. he keeps mentioning this guy to his business major friends and they have no clue who he is. they try to ask around too and find little info except for his name (nicky) and the fact he was in the last musical

anyways, as rod really loves theatre, he usually goes to the theatreclubs shows if he has any spare money. he buys a ticket to a show and notices that THAT GUY that he always sees around is the LEAD. rod has to do a double take and in the intermission he buys a program. rod spends the rest of the show just looking at him and just fawning over his singing and acting.

the show finishes and mostly everyone leaves. rod sticks around, looking at his headshot just making sure that he knows what guy it is. nicky ends up coming out, smiling but ultimately looking tired. rod doesnt see anyone approach him and nicky is streamlining it to the door. rod ends up running over and just complimenting his performance. nicky lights up so much and thanks him over and over.

rod mentions that he's seen him around. nicky perks up and says that he thinks one of his friends is in his class. he goes 'youre ryan.. right?' and rod just laughs and goes 'haha, no im rod' and nicky is like 'YEP THATS RIGHT! i was so close'. rod just smiles and is like 'ill see you around, you got any more shows?' nicky tells him they have like 3 more shows and rod asks if he's got any classes. nicky says that he doesnt but he has a test the next day and needs to study. rod suggests that they study together because he also has a test soon.

nicky agrees and they plan on seeing each other the next day. and their friendship is born!

anyways, nicky is so flustered bc the guy he lowkey had a hallway crush on had invited him to study and rod was like 'YAYYAYAYAYYAYAYA I TALKED TO THE GUY I WANTED TO BE FRIENDS WITH'

okay guys thats the end of a very VERY big yap. i hope you guys enjoyed my stupid headcanon rant about rod because i have very big feelings about this. i very much want to write a oneshot about college rodnicky. (theatrekid nicky is my number one headcanon) !!! also desperate want to draw rods family !!!

okay gang leave a #thumbs up and subscribe if you enjoyed the video. see you in the next one!

[todayisawthewhxlewxrld]

ILL GO OVER IT VAGUELY CUZ ITS A LOT AND IM TOO LAZY

AHEM

to start off, even though i did i say i planned on cutting them off, it felt like they were genuine when they apologized cuz they didnt act that way, maybe its bc i didnt hang out w them much after that cuz it was summer but basically i changed my mind)

so b4 i explain why, you need background info. basically like in march (b4 i confronted them in june) friend b came up to me like idk in march and said they had a secret but wont tell me but she said she'll tell at the end of the school year, then when i asked she tried to gaslit me into thinking it never happened.... 🥰 i forgot abt it thinking it was no big deal (like wtf is this kindergarten or smth...)

ANYWAY FASTFORWARD TO LIKE LAST WEEK

we're in highschool now and i have gym with friend a, and SHE brought it up, i asked her she said she cant tell me w/o friend b givng her permission. and i was kinda pissed cuz why bring it up if ur not gonna tell me???? also whats such a big deal that you wont tell me 🤨 but i didnt rlly say anything mean but i kept asking cuz i rlly wanted to know.

but she brought it up AGAIN the next day during lunch (she was also acting kinda distant from that day at gym)

so that afternoon i called my other friend (who hangs out w us at lunch)and my bestie and told them whats happening cuz i wanted to know if i was being dramatic by wanting to know (they were aware of what happened in june btw).

anyway with them on call i asked both of the seperately but they kept acting dumb, then in the gc i told them i was being serious and asked them, Then i got mad at them cuz they weren't taking me seriously :3

and i lashed out on them and told them i were gonna cut them off if they were gonna keep acting like kindergarteners and lie to me

they still didnt take me seriously, but my friend did end up telling me (like after 30 mins of me asking them again and again)

and basically they were (or more like only of them but the other one knew and didnt tell me) impersonating a guy on snap that i was talking to, (only as a friend tho, i started talking to "him" bc my friend who was impersonating him introduced us ) this rlly just was like my wake up moment and i was like no fuck you im done

OH AND back when we started talking to "him" i came up with a theory that it was my friend but my other friend told her and she kinda like cussed me out saying i was stupid for thinking that.....

anyway they thought i was threatening them by saying i was gonna cut them off for some reason but i left our gc and a few other ones. and my friend kept messaging in the other gc's saying "you forgot this one" and stuff and kept joking around

(also friend A asked abt a gift friend b gave me for my birthday asking what i was gonna do with it, and i said ill give it back idc but thats such a cheap thing to say when i cut them off)

ANYWAY the next day i wanted to give back the hoodie but i didnt rlly wanna talk to her, so i gave it to my friend who had a class with her.. and after school one of my other friends (who was on call w me) was going to a crochet club with her after school and told her that she wanted to talk to me cuz she didnt know why she was getting dropped. she also said that she got angry when my friend gave her the hoodie instead of me cuz she wanted to talk to me......she couldve came up to me during lunch or gym but she didnt?? but like wtv 🙂

THEN i texted her cuz i thought it wouldnt be fair if i didnt explain told her my reasons (kind of argued?? idk)

but i made it clear that i was NOT interested in giving 3rd chances and she said okay (ngl they were making stupid excuses too but still apologized....felt fake af tho)

sighhh but yeah basically what happened...nothing much 🥰 totally wasnt sobbing when it all went down

ANYWHOOOOO imlovingthenewsmau sedfghjkl.

P.S can i be added to ur taglisttt

🐺⛓️🥀

:3

THE FUCK ?1??1?1

the catfishing is actually crazy but coincidentally one of my friends also catfished me in middle school… well tried to i knew it was her immediately😍 BUT that being the secret that they were keeping from u or whatever is so fucked up?? especially when they were so omg teheee we’re not going to tell u stop askingggg (but then kept bringing it up like they were having fun watching u want to know so badly??? i almost said smth real mean whew) anyway they’re just acting stupid by “not knowing” y u dropped them and im very glad u did!!! bc u do not deserve that nor need that in ur life 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ especially not when ur just starting highschool so !!! proud of u !!!

and yes u can b added to the taglist :3

[tinukis]

some details about one of my one piece ocs, Z here i should like draw proper ref of Z soon bc i think abt the little guy often. if i do talk about him more and draw him, i may just reveal his real name eventually

anyway theres really nothing happy about this boy from what i shared and i still have nothing happy. however the reason he even still holds onto life is because of books. he loves reading about adventures, whether the tales are from real journalists or something made up. it inspires Z to continue living on despite being chained down in hell

thats not what i actually wanna talk about, i just wanna talk abt something more lighthearted. while Z does appreciate all the strawhats, the ones hes most particularly fond of are luffy, nami, and robin

not that any of them told their stories, but that those four can really sympathize with Z. nami especially can relate with how Z believes he needs to shoulder everything himself to save his island considering hes only 13 enduring all this pain and suffering-- how he even refused to ask for the strawhats help until things were extremely desperate and that he had to accept that he really was powerless to do anything.

doesnt help that Z's "foster family" fed the strawhats too and how charismatic they are- Z thought that they were completely entranced by them so they wouldnt believe a word a bratty kid would say. and when Z felt completely helpless, he had pinned the blame on the strawhats and wished they never met bc things did go downhill for Z since his arrival

with robin, Z would talk about his favorite book and robin adores how he'd light up talking about it. not to mention him getting really excited when robin said she read the book before and gave him recommendations. (and as a parting gift, she gave Z a book she already finished reading. and it's about a kid his age starting their own adventure and writing everything about their exploits as they travel the world)

and with luffy, i'll admit was p hard to think about as hes not an easy character to write... but hes always been good w kids (AAAAUUUGJWHDIWHDK) and how theyve been inspired by him. what makes it harder to think about is how this kid has ace's face and acted similar to a younger ace. luffy felt a bit uneasy and Z just didnt like him at all. though theyre attracted to each other like magnets so kinda impossible to be separated without being pulled apart. when the strawhats went off to do their own things, luffy and Z somehow come across each other and it's like "stop following me!" / "you're the one following me!"

neither share what adventures they had and neither cared enough to ask. though Z was a little curious about who ace was and luffy bluntly says that theres nothing to know now bc hes dead. Z was about to pry bc ace had to be important to luffy but then again why should he care about this guy? he didnt care much about luffy and he was gonna leave soon anyway so they just left it at that. and as luffy gets distracted by a beetle on a tree trunk, Z suddenly disappears.

at some point though, luffy knew there was something wrong if Z couldnt just leave the place and people he claims to hate. and Z was startled by luffy's sudden interest in him and the island. he wasnt even sure if he could trust this pirate (esp when the 'rulers' were previously pirates !!) but he didnt feel ill intentions from luffy either so Z does tell him about the strict laws of the land which pisses him off gravely bc basically all of the people's freedoms are revoked and have to live a certain way if they wish to even live 👍👍

Z: "dunno why you're interested. you're gonna leave and forget about this hell of an island anyway. theres nothing you can do."

and again, Z cant trust others- especially not pirates. but the more time spent with the strawhats, the more respect and trust he gave. but he never once believed that they cared for him the same

[the-sun-princess]

Emi Plays Revue Starlight: El Dorado Part 4

what's the point of having carmencita be a role that shows their face/has diff outfits if she shows up like once to do nothing and then dies

meanwhile the bit roles who show up quite a bit all look like this

i was hoping they'd at least put whoever's playin them eyes on there

wow alejandro sure caught up to salvatore fast for being at least a half day behind

iskjdfhks its very funny that salvatore first hires zulfikar to help kill alejandros dad and then alejandro goes n hires zulfikar like 12hours later to kill miguel

mm and the play ends. at least this isn't super long so going back thru it won't take too long

and it does promise different script depending on who is who so. yay gon have to find all the new songs on spotify i got star darling and one other one but there's more in the bg. oops i did not mean to close it. anyway. 2nd go around time

i know i dont NEED to start from the very beginning i did save at the choosing screen but i will anyway

mostly BC I WANTED TO GET THE AXOLOTL THIS TIME. WHATS ITS NAME

AND BC i didnt get the full list of what chief voted for whom last time

equipment karen, art futaba, lighting nana, props maya, music mahiru, stage setting kaoruko, production claudine, costume junna

I CAN PICK MAHIRU NOW-

tho now i kinda wanna save her for last...esp now that i know its not really terribly all that long. i'll save her for last yeah bc i will Not shut up during it

not quite as dramatic a reaction of frustration for kaoruko n maya as it was for junna and karen lmao

lesse....junna and karen as leads had nana miguel, mahiru isabel, futaba carmencita, kaoruko cavallero, maya columbuc, and claudine luigi

for kaoruko maya leads, we get futaba miguel, claudine isabel, junna carmencita (based off who's left) karen luigi, mahiru columbus, and nana cavallero

kaoruko WHY are u sighing so much that u got the leads kjfhkjshdf

oh ok they got asked to say a few words as leads and now kaoruko busts out the ojou-sama laugh. there she is

snort

i don't believe you

maya: i refuse to be as cringe as you

i am curious, what on earth does kaoruko have to revenge against maya

and claudine v futaba idk that either. mahiru v nana i do lol.

well i guess that's right

yeah ok

KJSHFDKJHSDF THIS IS SUCH AN OLD REF.....ALSO WASNT IT ONE WHOLE LOLLIPOP MAYA THAT WAS LEFT IN THERE

oh she's pissed BC there was only ONE LOLLIPOP AKJHKFJSHDF WHEEZING

I dont even remember exactly WHY kaoruko gave her candy like i know it was the episode futaba n kaoruko were fighting but i cant remember what maya did in that ep

maya is so serious about the funniest things

so DRAMATIC and it IS funny maya. also girl just don't eat baumkuchen everyday you'll be fine

kaoruko + maya: u bitches gay. good for you

oh a SPECIFIC beach for kaoruko

it's actually a different beach background color me surprised. tho it might just be the same beach but flipped later on i'm not positive

girl ur the onee who wanted to come out here

kaoruko we all know u nap on futaba's bike what are u talking about

lmaoooo maya knew futaba was gon leave the bike with kaoruko that's hilarious. national troupe trio secrets ftw

maya: get a bike license get a license kaoruko: i think NOT maya it's very funny u are trying so hard to get kaoruko to ride the bike but she MAY wreck it

sjkfh the last one is funny bc im just remembering her being put in the 'knock them down a peg' class in whatever stageplay for the new national

maya's alejandro sounds like a 12yo shounen protag lol

skjdfh eroge ok masai id u say so

skjfhkjshkjfhskjdfh innocuous. u are Very Wrong judy

karen thats not the point-

tru kaoruko and hikari have that in common

tho at least kaoruko's easier to get back

sfkjhsdf at least karen n junna bother to let ppl know they're off somewhere. kaoruko n maya just disappear

fair nuff kaoruko

fkjsdhKJHKFJH

SNORT NOW SHES THE ONE COMPLAINING ABOUT THE DISTANCEkjshdfjh demanding kaoruko get a bike license

'and if you don't, i will!'

kaoruko just going WHY skjfhiuhsdf i mean. it is a silly demand just bc kaoruko poofed. i mean u DID find her maya

honestly actual logic from kaoruko

jdkfhksjfdh maya: u aint SHIT compared to judy knightly

i wish there were actual lil stabby arrow animations like the sounds imply it'd be funnier

oh i hit the image limit i guess that's it for this one. off to the next post then

<<part 3 part 5>>

[icyfox17]

anyway

hi how are you king <33

HIIII HIHIHI SPRITESYYY ILYY

i'm okay :D i stayed an hour after work today to hang out with the boarding kitty i LOVE her she means EVERYTHIGN to me

she apparently scratched one of our volunteers?? like super intensely too bruh i was like what did you do??? and the volunteer was like NOTHING I LITERALLY DID NOTHING

but like gurrllll i literally ended up pissing the kitty off today bc i had to leave the room quickly and SHE DIDNT EVEN TRY TO SCRATCH ME SO ?? all she did was meow at me in distress LMFAOSDFJKASDF I EVEN PICKED HER UP TOO THOUGH BC I HAD TO MOVE HER AND SHE DID NOTHINGG

though i will say at one point when i first came to say hi she was a bit pissy and i was staring at her like "are u gonna attack me if i pet u" and i just moved my hand to test the waters and she raised her paw up and was like "yes bitch, yes i will" so i did not pet her LMAOFDSJKASDF but yeah like idk man, she gives u warning signs before she attacks so im pretty sure the volunteer just did not know how to read them, which is fair !! i have had much practice with cats LMASFODAS

like my stepmom likes to say that im not good with pepper (i mean i also complain jokingly that she hates me) but honestly like peppers never attacked me without me expecting it. like i piss her off bc i want hugs from her LMAOKJSADFKJS i know fully well when she doesnt want some though so

if pepper wasnt my cat i would be a lot nicer to her HELPP

i just demand hugs okay its the price she pays for being my cat (and she doesnt even hate them sometimes)

i have been trying to get better though bc if i let her come to me when she wants to she'll do it more often it's just hard lmfaodfjkasdfjk

anyways . that was a long rant SORRY SFDKSDJF I GET VERY EXCITED ABOTU CATS I COULD LITERALLY RANT ABOUT THEM AND THEIR BODY LANGUAGE AND THEIR TELLS FOR HOURSSSS I LOVE TEHM :(( and im very proud of myself for being a cat whisperer ^-^ i have literally trained myself to be good with cats so . KFDKJS

but uhm yeahh!!

im currently procrastinating that one assignment ive been procrastinating all weekend (it's due in 3 hours) bUTTT i should be ?? almost done it ?? i think so that's good WOOO, im not super hopeful about the grade itself bc i didnt try ver yhard BUTTT they drop ur two worst grades so if its bad it wont count woot woot

im drinking pop for the first time in months so uh . let's hope it doesnt make me anxious LMFAOFSDJKAJDK (so far so good !! and it is a mini can so)

how are you king?? much love much love sunshine emote

[ariadnie]

feeling so emotionally drained, i had to leave my dnd group :( i kept assuring the DM that i was fine and enjoying the campaign (which is true!) but she was CONVINCED i was upset, and wouldnt believe me when i said i was fine, and created this whole paranoid scenario in her head to the point where i was getting so stressed out.

it felt like when, as a kid, you're telling the truth and the adult keeps trying to get you to tell the truth, and tells you they KNOW you're lying but you're not lying and nothing you say will convince them of that

she kept saying "im bad at reading you" and "i cant read you" and i realize now that she cant read me because she was looking for angry, mean subtext that simply didnt exist. she wanted me to be upset with her, and couldnt accept that i wasnt.

im just tired, i spent months trying to get this girl to like me and walking on eggshells to prevent problems with her bc my other friends have warned me that she can be difficult, and since she couldnt find a problem with me, she MADE one. i cant win. im so tired. i had one (1) bad session on friday bc i was running on low sleep, had a rough time at work, was physically tired bc i went ROCK CLIMBING the day before, and in her mind it HAD to be because of her and i HAD to have it out for her. in reality i was just dissociating with a RBF 😩😩😩 i left the discord call abruptly bc i was TIRED and wanted to go to bed, but she assumed i was pissed at her! (not even abruptly, i said goodnight guys im really tired!)

anyway i exited the campaign bc the communication was just not happening. she kept saying our communication styles dont match, which is true, but ALSO every time i tried to communicate clearly and effectively, she simply didnt take me at my word w it. so there was no way for me to keep going and not be CONSTANTLY misinterpreted and CONSTANTLY trying to please this one girl. like im supposed to have fun and instead im spending the weekend trying to placate her...im tired!!!! im tired and im gonna find a dnd group that is Fun to play in

anyway im ranting i am full of emotions <3 i hope my exit from the campaign is best for everyone in the end, i want them to be able to finish their story how they want and get the ending the party deserves <3 its just sad bc i was really having fun and very invested in my character, and it seems like the DM just wanted to find and poke at flaws in my personality instead of just playing.

ofc she does somethings that annoy me sometimes, doesnt everyone! no one is perfect and immune to that! but im able to get past her flaws and know that she doesnt always mean to take things out on me. i can regulate my emotions by myself when i have an Off time in a dnd session, and by the time im ready for next session i have handled it without any lingering resentment. i give her the benefit of the doubt whenever she snaps at me (which honestly isnt an insignificant amount!) but i know thats just how she communicates and that its not a reflection on me as a person

[audiovisualrecall]

Brain things:

- can't make phone call with other people around, Someone will Hear me and Judge me at all whatsoever. Cannot be Perceived while making phonecall or cannot make phonecall at all whatsoever No. Feels like you Cannot put hand on hot stove burner. But Why? - making phone call and being Perceived is Not the same as Putting Hand On Hot Burner. But apparently It Is. to my Brain.

- didn't make phonecall in a timely fashion, forgot initially and then was off+then out sick, wasnt able to let customer know we had the flowers she wanted, she didnt call us apparently either, so she didnt come in to pick them up and that was last thursday. Since Friday have been afraid to make phonecall because I messed up and customer will be angry and yell at me or be upset and I will feel bad and also I have to make the perfect script with a plausible excuse/explanation bc 'I forgot' isn't good enough, and then suddenly it's 4 days later and officially a week since I was supposed to call customer originally, now it's really too late to call but also i can't just pretend nothing happened and also I put the flowers out for sale already so I can't even say we still have them set aside if customer still needs/wants them, and really what good will calling do, but dad is like but you should blah blah blah but maybe it's actually better Not to??? But also what if whether I call customer or not she calls my boss and gets me yelled at/fired???? AVOID SITUATION ENTIRELY.

- today got yelled at at 12pm for not sending an email at 10am to leadership about not knowing yet when the garden center would arrive, and/or not reaching out to regional, when u only got in at 9am and had to work on my 2 orders that were due at 12pm and had no clue the display was empty outside or that my boss hadn't considered looking into it himself when he came in at 5 or 6am since I wasn't in yet and letting them know himself??? Why would I need to send an email when we all suspect it's not coming till Wednesday? And again, I got in at 9, I was working on the computer from the minute I got in until like 11am at the earliest, possibly 11:30, then I took my 10 minute break, then I went to work on the floor and had him complain about my lack of communication, and about the windowsill under the plants not getting disted/swept a bit yesterday or this morning (I had to do the work of 2 ppl yesterday despite my team member being in bc she doesn't pull her weight anymore at all, so I had no time to consider the outdoor or the foyer, and then I cake in at 9 well after my other team member so I couldn't have reminded her to do that when I wasn't in yet?), and about how I should condense the display and take away the crates even tho we're getting more indoor plants tomorrow, etc etc.........

- can't communicate needs or issues bc they'll upset/anger the other person/cause a problem/cause a misunderstanding/take too long/it's easier to just say nothing and have a peaceful interaction even tho I'm pissed off at them for a legitimate reason, but I can't communicate it into words right so I'm not going to try anyway, and I shouldn't have to and I don't want to I hate itttttttt

- try to talk about brain thing that's causing problems. Person listening tries to offer Advice or Solution even tho the issue is not solved by those things because the issue is my brain won't let me do those things for these reasons, reply is ok but it's easier to just do the suggestion/thing in the end trust me :) like not the point it's not the point the point is my brain thinks doing the thing is equivalent to touching a hot burner pls understand I'm in distress about how my brain works and this issue at work is only a result of how my brain works and somehow getting myself to resolve the work issue would not fix the way my brain works or the distress I am dealing with. I need suggestions on how to not have my brain declare that making a phonecall is the exact same as putting my hand on something burning hot. It says Not Safe!!!!!! Don't do!!! Can't do!!!! Will cause harm/damage/pain!!!!! AVOID!!!! how do I make my brain Not do that?

- i know cause: mix of self-consciousness and anxiety (multiple types) on top of audhd. But also don't really get WHY. There must be a solution to that problem. There must be something that will make it not be incredibly upsetting to my brain to pick up the ringing phone and answer it or pick up the phone and dial and call someone. Not just work related, haven't called driving school to schedule lessons I paid for in August of *2022*. Can't do it.

- want comfort, not given it clearly outright in the moment, brain perceives as rejection bc RSD. Funtimes, not. :'c

- knowing I have problem, even knowing WHY more or less, does not allow me to magically not have the problem or logic around it somehow. Unfortunately.

- anxiety is main issue, but causing (autistic/adhd) burnout at work, which causing more anxiety which gets tied up in rsd and makes more anxiety. Yay! Want ppl to like me. Want ppl to not find me annoying.

[shutupposhos]

so like, let's say you've matched with your ex's ex on two different apps. but like here's the story:

me and J meet years ago. get a bit involved but it was never really a relationship. like it was fun and we were def into each other but they were not fully present. so they dissappear and kinda ghost me. im confused and upset. a few months later we come across each other, I've already met someone else and gotten pretty quickly into a relationship. they apologise that they messed me around, they were having a mental health spiral. which i knew nothing about because they disappeared and didn't tell me they needed time away. and i didn't know how to broach the conversation and had low self esteem so just assumed they actually realise they didnt like me. so i didn't know what to make of it all and moved on with my life.

so years later, been married and divorced (lol), living with my mum, living my hot confident single life. and i haven't seen or heard from them in years. they suddenly follow me on instagram and we lightly DM. and i again don't know what to make of this, but i always liked them as a person generally but maybe i still have a thing for them. but theyre in a serious relationship, as i can see them and their gf (I'll call her R) all over their insta. so im feeling confused and weirdly guilty.

anyway, we actually meet up a couple times in the park and im assuming they want to be friends again perhaps bc i couldn't imagine them as the cheating type i guess. and i want to meet up to understand how i feel about seeing them again. turns out i STILL STUPIDLY FANCY THEM.

so eventually i text them saying i dont know what to think about them reaching out again after the awkward history we have. and that actually I've realised im still really into them but i dont want to overstep on their relationship and i want to know what their intentions were in originally reaching out.

turns out J and R are in a NEWLY opened relationship. so they reached out to me intending for friendship but realised they were just telling themselves that to feel better about it. and we talked about how things ended last time and they apologised and said they always felt bad about it. and im like...ok cool so shall we meet up again now knowing both our intentions.

so we talk a bit more but dont get to meet again. meanwhile, J and R end up breaking up and i say "its cool if you need some time" and they were like "no let's meet up, let me just check my schedule"

and then i just dont hear from them again but theyre still watching my stories and its pissing me off that they've ghosted me again without just saying "actually, things are really hard at the moment and i cant give you the time either of us would like." so i kick then off my instagram and unfollow them.

SO a year later i see their ex, R, on the apps and im like...she's hot ngl and i debate swiping on them. and we now matched on two apps.

but i dont know if R knows who i am in relation to J. bc i know who R is. and i dont know if theyre on good terms with each other or what. so could this get weird? should i avoid this situation? how do i let her know i had a thing with her ex years again, and then again when they just opened up their relationship? will she even care?

grats if you read all of that lol.

[nathank77]

5/31/24

7 p.m

Well I passed the fuck out when I closed my eyes. Then I woke up around 1 p.m needing to pee... and I tried like hell to ignore it, it worked and then I had a dream where my current therapist who is not my therapist just some random person, a new therapist I've never met but I had been seeing for a while. I went to therapy in person. And Kristen was in the chair next to me. We were both there to see the therapist. The therapist was forcing face to face contact. I was fucking uncomfortable, pissed off and like she RUINED MY BRAIN ANATOMY with negligence. She doesn't even get a slap on the wrist from the board! I can't fucking stop hallucinating and she gets away with it Scott free!!! I'm not interested in talking to her. There is no fixing anything. I would have accepted her apology back in the day and not reported her bc of empathy before she said fucking ocd voices. But she knew damn well I was hallucinating and was either negligent or fucking evil. And then when given the opportunity to apology when I asked her why she didn't tell me I was hallucinating, she said "I'm sorry this happened to you." KRISTEN YOUR NEGLIGENCE HAPPENED TO ME. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE. I TRUSTED YOU WITH MY FUCKING LIFE. I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING. AND YOU DIDNT SAY ANYTHING.

Yea ocd voices like I fucking am obsessed with being my deadname. I fucking love being fucking Nathan. She wanted me to obsessed over creating the voice and fucking go on antipsychotics so I couldn't report her but I'm more resilient than you think. She wanted to dumb me down so I couldn't send in that report. She knew I'd overthink ocd voices and obsess over it.

Anyways- I don't remember much but Kristen being smug cause she got away with it... then the session ended and 30 minutes of it was wasted not bc of Kristen cause I had a bad therapist and I needed to replace her was a thought. She was letting people in the room after whatever happened with Kristen. My brain blocked it out. I just remember freaking out at my therapist for forcing the interaction...

So I woke up at 2 p.m needing to pee but I was suffering by the time it was 2:20. My stupid body wouldn't fall back to sleep. So I peeded... Took a Benadryl. I only had 6 hours at that point which is why I tried to ignore it... then I laid there for another 20 minutes... I got hungry... and eventually I ate a fucking protein bar. Then I laid there some more.

Finally fell back to sleep prob around 3:30 or so... at that point I slept until 4:30, I woke up wrote it in my sleep tracker. And I closed my eyes for seconds as I was so blind from not having my glasses on. I believe my lights were on... bam I opened my eyes it was 5:43 p.m

Idk why my body cant ignore the smallest amount of pee and let me sleep 7 straight hours... when I peeded it was pathetic. Like thanks for making me suffer. It was painful after a while and it was basically nothing and it's bc Kristen is negligent that I can't get up and fucking pee bc then my body won't go back to sleep.

I think about her as I suffer holding my bladder. I think about her when I get up and give up and pee and then lay down and can't fall back to sleep. When I never had a problem falling asleep and then I also never had a problem falling back to sleep after using the bathroom!!!! Not until psychosis!

How I wish i could have slept from 7:30 a.m- 4:30 p.m... straight through with no painful holding in my bladder sessions. Even to 3:30 p.m... I didn't want to sleep this late. Why the fuck did I pass the fuck out from 4:30-5:43 for closing my eyes for 3 seconds? Why does that only happen when it's super late but never after I pee or when I hold my bladder?

Christ I took 2, 25MG Hydroxyzine and 1MG of Xanax before bed... then the Benadryl 25MG of Benadryl at 2 p.m..... thank Kristen. I appreciate how drugged i got to be to sleep.

I appreciate my ptsd, my panic attacks, of course my fucking hallucination that never ends...

Now I'm worried about sleeping tonight cause I mean I usually take my xanax at 5:30 a.m... I'll have been up for approximately like 12 hours if I wait until 5:43 a.m....I guess I might just go to 1mg I'm sleeping every fucking day. I'll start with the half but if I'm not sleeping by 8 fuck it. I need to fucking sleep every single night for 7 hours to make my life somewhat tolerable... so my broken brain recovers if it's even capable of recovery....

I got to monitor my heart and chest today.... heart rate seems fine...

My Dr finally filled my testosterone. Imma pick it up tomorrow. I'll put in my order for xanax on Monday to give her time. Email her on Wednesday if it isn't approved by Wednesday- as I got to give her time. Then call the office on Thursday saying I didn't sleep last night. Hopefully this is all just a trauma plan and not something I have to carry out.. she could have been sick.. idk.. maybe she wants to line up my pick up date for testosterone the same week of my injection idk..

At least I can pick it up. So I'm worried about sleeping tonight. I'm worried about my chest pain/heart/being hypo maybe. I'm worried about Kristen not getting what she deserves for being negligent still waiting on the status report............. My whole life is ruined thanks to her. I hate waking up at almost 6 p.m!!! And I'm anxious about xanax still... I feel like my life is a house of cards. Ready to blow over.

Idk if I even want to game today. I got a lot of sleep. But boy I wish I passed out in seconds at 2 p.m and woke up at 3:30 I would have used the bathroom and got up and did stuff today.... but instead it's almost 7 p.m...

Tomorrow I'm going grocery shopping dreadfully going to Walmart maybe returning my Detergent cause I don't trust them anymore It isn't sealed.... picking up my testosterone. Then hopefully going for the car wash and watching a movie with my mom... I'll buy cbd but after flashback central last night I dont believe in it. Its a placebo now (thanks mike.) I can't afford to go over 100mg to see if symptoms improve... if 100mg doesn't improve fuck this expensive shit. I'll go for 50mg a day for neurogensis bc of microsleep....

The flashbacks were so bad last night. So fucking bad.

Whelp I hope I can get the energy to game...otherwise I guess I will Sunday. I'm so fucking lonely. I have no one to talk to and I'm going to be single forever and idk why. I stand by it I fucked up my facial hair but by Monday when i shave the rest to the same length it'll be like it never happened. I'm good looking.... why the fuck can't I find a girl who thinks I'm worth getting to know before she kicks me to the curb when she find out everything that is wrong with me?

Will my quality of life ever improve? My worse days are the days i have hardly any human interaction but my mother yelling at me... that's basically everyday. If only I could be touched by another human being. I don't remember the last time someone touched me..I almost want to go to the Dr just so they touch my arm for an injection or blood draw.

[away-ward]

hey 👋

Sliding in our conversation for ask and answered 288, because i'll diverge from kai's mbti and your response to it in another ask, to compare and contrast some other things. (And im sorry about that but of you also being infp haha! Dont worry, i like INFPs! 😂🫶)

"Also please put the reference where Kai when behind Michael’s back with his gf because I have blanked on this!! This little petty jerk." it's in chapter two hideaway. I think that chapter alone in general sums up kai's earliest personality, and his opinion/dynamic of people, including damon and michael's pretty spot on with his type. Like he view people a certain way, and that opinion is harder to change. BUT it doesnt come out of nowhere, damon did his part, and kai was onky reacting to what he see. But then it made a great contrast with emory who i feel like is more perceptive and observant of how dmaon move, because i swear idk it's just me but by the end of nightfall, when damon gave back her tin box, his personality seems a bit muted? So i can see why when damon was beside emory, he seems less aggressive. No because he wasnt aggressive anymore, it's just that his sparring match might be an equal or more. i feel like thats why characters like rika and banks pop off in damons pov, because he gets to be he one shining and in control. Heh, interesting! Just wanna add that that chapter also kinda makes me think that prison didnt change kai mori drastically, his mischief had already existed since he was young. Rules rules rules. Breaking rules. Being dirty. We dont see this from emory's pov. Emory didnt react much when it comes to "dirty" or "taboo" things. We only see self interest, duties, care, pride, arrogance, indulgence and class consciousness in her pov, or at least, mostly. People around her was the one who assumed that she was embarrassed. Like alex in the train and thats a good comparison because alex's ex roommate was embarrassed of their FF hookup and alex was ashamed because of it, but at the bridal meeting with the girl gang, the thought of shame didnt even exist in emmy's pov. So was the shame that aydin tried to make her feel. Then Like will in the rain thinking she was embarrassed of him, like damon telling will how emmy thought of them when he thought she looked down on him for the wrong reasons, she looked down on him because he was hurting people, not because he was embarrassing.

Funny because i feel like damon carried some shame there too because if he didnt care that she thought he wasnt good and wanting to be good, then his characterisation 1. wouldnt involve him being obssessed with befriending kai, loving winter, and doing good. Because he wanted to be like them too, doing good WITH them, 2. being obsessed of being around will because he was pure, and was tiny bit jealous with how he interacts with women, dreaming about the kind of man he could be if he grew up like will. And we saw him intiating his interaction with women he cared about as the story goes on and 3. Getting out-of-his-way pissed off at emory because he thought she viewed will (and by extension, him) as nothing. Like a deadweight, shallow and no hope. For a character as selfish as damon, it's impossible to say that he was only angry at the girls because they made his guys unhappy, because damon thrive around people he loves and want to care for. Have you thought of this possibilty? Even damon's closing arc was about doing good with winter and building the world with rika and banks. Damon needs and actually wanted to be around people like kai, will and emory in his life too whether he wanted to admit it out loud. Beause they also resemble a part of his life that's good and impressive that he wish for himself and the people around him. anyway, back to the point of that shame thing, emmy didnt agree with aydin when aydin slut shamed alex in BC, like how emmy didnt understand why alex was mad in the train because slut shaming a friend, a woman and a sex worker is just not her reality (her pov is very different than rika, banks and winter. There's a lot of sex related shame in their povs, and it's not always because they wanted to be malicious towards other women, but it's a part of their growth because they're prone to be impacted by their surroundings than emmy) and i guess thats why when we see her interact with martin at the police station, we dont see him slut shame her or shame her for things like these anymore because as an abuser, he knew it didnt work or never worked on her before, as the only things that hurt her was the life of innocents, her beliefs and her authenticity for her dreams, her responsibility towards her people and goals, and this includes will and evento a certain the horsemen too. She wanst only sorry for will, she was sorry to kai, damon and michael too.

another thing that i feel like it's true after KAI's mbti discussion, i dont think prison changed kai to the extreme. I think it just escalated him to the person who he was always meant to be and who he wanted to be outside of what he thought he should be. Like it just highlighted his path, not change him from good kai to bad kai. It just heightened his mischief, he can hide behind prison tonexcuse his misdeeds now. Hiding again, again again. A bit different than emmy, where we dont see much of struggle of her admitting what she likes or hiding her likes in private, like shaving herself to wait for will in that shower stall before damon came to scare her, confessing her feelings to that godzilla toy when no one was around, admitting to herself in the train that she finally is ready to share that oart of her with a family who accepts her now, not feeling ashamed with any kind of weird sex in nightfall where even the readers dont agree about. Because she owns herself, it's harder for external reasons or characters to hit where it hurts, but when it hits, like martin with will and her works, damon with her self esteem, and kai in the train about deseving will, she got hurt, and as a reader, some of us feel angry for her too. emmy didnt have any problems admitting herself in the nightfall, but to share it with people in the light, to want to love and be loved the same way with the same intensity, i think thats where her character very much differ from kai. She's not religious, but kai kinda is, so maybe that impacts their story in some ways too. it's harder for her to share it with people about her likes because of her introverted intuition Ni, hence her problem with trust. Ni really likes to be secretive to others, but not to themselves. Usually be seen as a private, nit so much a mystery like Ne. Because Ni is convergent, and Ne is diveegent. Divergent leads to possibilities and mysteries. Emmy tried to uncover will's grandpa, and will avoiding the topic because he likes it that way. But one thing i found interesting about kai now is kai THOUGHT he was being truthful, but when we look at his character again, he did exist behind a lot of lies and mysteries that he cooked up, even from himself, sometimes just for he fun of it, just because he thought they justify his likings, very similar to will, but will was more self-aware than kai. Even though on the outside, will looks like he is less likely to admit it out loud than kai about their wrongdoings. Interesting! I guess thats where their Ne Fi stack interchange, will is more private with his feelings even though he looks like he's open, and kai looks more open but actually his diverging intuition Ne decides it in private.

however, out of everyone, inckuding side chars, the only char that i still dont know to type is Rika. Like wtf is she? I feel like PD is making her to be everything and now her char seems confusing.

never thought i'd like to see more char analysis of kai but here i am! But i think it's also because i probably didnt understand his char as much 🧐

what do you think about this part, ko?

Heyy!! thank you for waiting!

And im sorry about that but of you also being infp haha! Dont worry, i like INFPs!

Oh no, it wasn’t a problem. I just hadn’t even had my morning coffee when I read it the first time. Somehow being sent a list of your personality flaws before you’re even fully awake is not a peak experience. Who knew?

“Also please put the reference where Kai when behind Michael’s back with his gf because I have blanked on this!! This little petty jerk." it's in chapter two hideaway.

Okay, that’s what I was thinking, but I didn’t thinking that the girl was Michael’s gf, so I wanted to check.

But then it made a great contrast with emory who i feel like is more perceptive and observant

I agree that Emory is more perceptive and observant than Kai. I made a post about it before, but in chapter two, Kai talks about how Damon has no secrets and everyone knows Will’s business. Yet even Kai, as one of their closest friends, didn’t know what was really going on with either of them on that day. Emory on the other hand picks up on things pretty quickly for the most part, though she does have her moments.

when damon gave back her tin box, his personality seems a bit muted? So i can see why when damon was beside emory, he seems less aggressive. No because he wasnt aggressive anymore, it's just that his sparring match might be an equal or more.

I have a love/hate relationship with that scene. Obviously, I love the interaction. It really helped form the idea that these two have a unique understanding of each other, because they were both abused by someone who was supposed to take care of them. Banks and Rika didn’t have the greatest parents, but even as things got bad, they mostly experienced neglect. And while the relationship between Banks and Damon was toxic to a degree, Damon was not ever supposed to be Banks’ caretaker. He assumed that role because he was toxic.

Damon and Emory’s abuse was overall more severe and from a source that constantly framed their abuse as love, so they understand that about each other. They both have an intense love for Will is another area where they share an understanding. I’m not the first to say this, but I remember Damon telling Banks that he thought Will was the only one who would walk through fire for him, and of course he wanted to kill someone to force a bond with the horsemen that would tie them to him forever. In the end, it was Emory who helped him bury a body, for no reason other than she understood why he needed to, and she validated his mixed emotions. They have a bond that he doesn’t share with the others.

And I’ve mentioned other places, but I don’t think Damon building Emory’s gazebo was entirely about Will, but also a thank you to Emory for what she’s done for him, and an apology for letting Will burn it. Not that he would have changed anything, but that he knew it was wrong and let Will do it anyway (as he said, he tried to stop Will). Building the gazebo might have been a form of therapy, since he built it while Will was away, but who knows.

At the same time… what was Damon doing out taking care of the lights? The night after his wedding, he would rather be doing chores that be with Winter? Did he wear Winter out and while she was asleep, he thought might as well get something checked off my to do list? He has such control issues that he can’t let someone else touch the gazebo? Damon doing such a menial task when they probably had a cleaning crew (I mean, who set up the lights and the rows of chairs for the guests?) seems like such a random thing, and totally done so that Emory and Damon could talk.

Anyway, I’m off topic. By this point in the series, it feels that Damon’s lost his bite, which is annoying because PD is still trying to sell us on that he’s the most terrifying. I’d much rather we go with the idea that Damon is healing and he doesn’t need the bite he had before protect himself. That happiness is something he can actually feel now, and it’s okay that he’s changing.

Or alternatively, if Damon were still mean, that would be fine too. If that’s just what his personality is and it never mattered what level his happiness was at, he was always going to be mean and scary and crazy, I could live with that. But this mix of he’s the hardest of them all but also the gentlest, best dad, and also the funniest and also the most mostest character ever is hard to swallow sometimes. Pick one.

People around her was the one who assumed that she was embarrassed.

I might be forgetting a few instances, but I think in the past, Emory got embarrassed when she was caught doing something. Example, the times she was caught watching people – ex: kids in the hallway, Will in the wrestling room. In these examples, though, she was caught by people she thought were better than her. When she was caught by Trevor, who wasn’t well liked by other, similar to her, she didn’t have the same reaction.

By the train scene, she’s already come to the conclusion that none of these people are better than her. They all suck in one way or another. She has nothing to be ashamed of.

(I think a hard part on reasoning this way is that they act like they’re “owning” that they’re horrible people, while they’re actively denying it. Or is that just me?)

Funny because i feel like damon carried some shame there too

I don’t know if I would say he carried any shame for trying to keep Will and Emory apart. He was trying to keep Will under his control, and Emory had the ability to take Will away. Damon wasn’t ready for that. I don’t think he even cared whether Emory had good intentions for Will or not – in fact, her having good intentions was worse for him. If she could make Will happy, what use would Will have for him anymore? It would ruin their bond.

I also don’t think he cared how she viewed him. He didn’t need her in his group, so her opinion meant nothing.

But I think Emory impressed him. She was unwilling to submit to him in the shower. I’m sure there were plenty of girls who set their eyes on one horseman, but settled for another as if they were interchangeable. But Emory wasn’t even responding to Will and yet she wouldn’t settle for anyone else. And then the murder thing.

For a character as selfish as damon, it's impossible to say that he was only angry at the girls because they made his guys unhappy, because damon thrive around people he loves and want to care for. Have you thought of this possibilty?

I actually think he was angry at the girls because they had the possibility of making them happy, and the idea that that happiness could take them away.

But, on the opposite side of that and more to your point, the conversation between Will and Damon on the cliffs comes to mind. Damon was upset that Will was despondent and distracted. The fact that Emory had the power to do this to Will irritated him. I think he thought only he should be able to make Will feel this way, but maybe it was just that Emory made Will unhappy and he was mad about it. He goes on to talk about his future wife and children, making clear he already had plans for Winter, but that he wasn’t going to let that distract him from the now.

It seemed to say to me that Damon didn’t care who Will ended up with, as long as they submitted to Will and served their greater agenda. Emory was never going to submit and Will would spend the rest of his life being chasing after the loss, and that pissed Damon off.

And then, like you said, it is when Damon starts seeing the women as having their own power instead of tools, and how their power actually elevates his friends instead of weakens them, that he can start admitting that what he wanted all along was to be wanted, and all of this was just to stay close to the people he cared about.

But maybe I’m wrong.

I think it just escalated him to the person who he was always meant to be and who he wanted to be outside of what he thought he should be.

Same. I think prison probably brought out the worst in Kai, but it was something that was already there. Kai’s the type of character that spent his whole life keeping the two versions of himself separate, but he would switch between the two frequently and that brought a sense of balance. But when he went into prison, he couldn’t find that balance. He had to be all of one version of himself, and that version became more twisted the longer he was in.

He has the potential to be just as terrifying as Damon if he would find harmony between the two sides. If a little bit of the version that was in prison still existed, and instead of hating himself for it, kept it just under the surface, right there behind the mask of friendliness. It would be a nice counter balance to Damon, who keeps his crazy on the surface and how devoted he is underneath.

(and ohhhh this is an interesting thought, because it’s obvious that Damon and Kai were always supposed to be two sides of the same coin, but this means that Michael and Will could serve the same purpose. And that thought brings to mind the conversation they had about devil’s night in Will’s truck. Will suggested the Cove and Michael rejected it. One is out of control, one is always in control. One has drive and ambition, one just floats through life. But both find something in the other that they need. And the following it up with Michael naming his son after Will. Might be something there… as Will said, the four of them create a perfect storm.)

A bit different than emmy, where we dont see much of struggle of her admitting what she likes or hiding her likes in private,

I do like this comparison, because while I think that Kai always did struggle a bit. He fully acknowledged that side of himself but he didn’t like sharing it with a lot of people, and he struggled a bit with not being the “good son”. Whereas Emory didn’t always accept that side of herself, but once she did, there wasn’t a thought of hiding it away. She just doesn’t open up to a lot of people in general, but she also doesn’t pretend to be anything but what she is.

he did exist behind a lot of lies and mysteries that he cooked up, even from himself, sometimes just for he fun of it, just because he thought they justify his likings, very similar to will, but will was more self-aware than kai.

I do agree. I think Will was aware that he was hiding his most authentic version behind lies, while Kai was desperately trying to believe the self that he presented was his true self, or at least a part of it.

however, out of everyone, inckuding side chars, the only char that i still dont know to type is Rika. Like wtf is she? I feel like PD is making her to be everything and now her char seems confusing.

 Rika is bit all over the place and suffers from being PD’s perfect princess.

Likewise, I still don’t know Kai well enough to fully analyze his character to that degree. It’s funny, because he likes being a mystery to people and he’s certainly succeeded with me!

I’m happy we’re discussing it though. He was my favorite in Corrupt and I was so sad to lose interest in him during Hideaway. I think the potential he has is huge, and if PD were more balanced with the characters, his character could have had just as big an impact as Damon’s.

[ppman2009]

I think my moms bf is a control freak

okay to start i ( f 14) was hiding my (m 11) friends vape (i know its bad but whatever) and my mom (f 34) found it her boyfriend (m 35) wasnt home (it was the before i was about to go to school) my mom threw it outside so i went to school im assuming while i was at school she told him so when i got home i picked it up i decided to try it (dumb idea) it tasted good so when i went to go pick up my little sister (f 11) and my friends (f 13) and (m 11 ) i hit it not thinking they were watching (they were) then i got grounded i didnt really care but then flash forward to 5 days later i got off my bus and my friend (m 11) was at home (he didnt go to school that day) so me and him went to my house then when i got inside my moms boyfriend was telling my cousin how im such a bad kid and how i vape all the time (lie) and she said she didnt care so i asked him if i could go play with (lets call him E) and my moms boyfriend said not rn maybe later so i waited and my sister got home so i told my grandma (F 61) i was gonna go to hang out with E she said okay so me and my other friend (lets call her T) went to pick up E , E was taking to long to get ready so we went in E's house then out of nowhere i hear my moms boyfriend screaming at me for nothing then when i got home he accused me of trying to get high or vape or even have s*x with E and T (btw im gay and so is E) then he says im not allowed to hang out with E so i say okay idc (btw i still am gonna hang out with E) then he says if i see you hanging out with E im gonna not let you hangout with T (first sign of a control freak) then flash forward 3 days later (yesterday from what day im making this) i was on the bus and obvi i dont want to go pee at school so i got off at the closer stop (i get on 4 blocks away from my house and the stop im referencing is right around the corner kinda close to E's house) btw (E, T, and my sister get off of the bus an hour after me) anyway i had to pee REALLY BAD like really fucking bad then i see his car and i go to wave then he rolls his window down and starts SCREAMING at me bc i was appearently "getting high with E" or "i was vaping again" (keep in mind i wasnt :l) then he said "go home and stand in the corner" of course i didnt cause i had to pee really really bad then i went to my mom and said to her "you need to drop your bitch ass boyfriend" she just stood there ignoring me then he came in screamed at me and said " I SAID TO STAND IN THE CORNER" so i explained to him that after school i need to go pee so i dont want to walk 4 BLOCKS to my house he said "I DONT GIVE A FUCK" so i said "im not pissing myself or developing a bladder problem bc of you" then he said to my mom "do you agree with me (lets call her K)" so obvi she agrees bc hes controlling if you guys ever watched coraline then you know the other mother controls the other father at his point my moms bf is the other mother and my mom is the other father anyway continuing then i go to the 4 block away bus stop with my sister E is there he comes up to me and says "your moms boyfriend (im gonna call him Z) came to my house and asked where my parents are (his dad was on a buisness and his step mom was at work) and said tell your parents K (me) and D's (my sister) DAD (keep in mind hes not my dad never will be my dad is in prison bc he got accused off selling drugs which isnt true bc hes a christian) said hes gonna come over after work ofc he didnt but still hes a fucking control freak hes also hit me to the point where my nose bleeds or my lip is swollen and also keep in mind my mom does nothing and says nothing (also they have recently started drug testing me

[writers-ex]

Istg i am so tense today 💀

So yesterday was Friday. Its Saturday morning here rn, btw. And some of my friends werent coming to college due to personal reasons. Now because everyone is usually busy in their work, no one has time to send the notes from the classes, so they told everyone to take the day off. Our Fridays are shorter days btw.

Being the head girl of the college, i tried to stop them cuz it might get us in trouble. But they didnt listen, so everyone was taking the day off. So i also thought that there is no reason to go to the college cuz no ones coming. So no one came, as planned.

EXCEPT ONE GIRL. She advertised the plan of not coming to college to everyone on our insta group, and then she just backed out. We thought that it was ok as long as she didnt tell anyone.

BUT THEN WHAT HAPPENED? We get a message from the teachers, saying that the parents have to tell the reason why everyone except that girl came. We panicked a bit but we all had our excuses. We decided not to message the teacher and just tell our excuses on Monday.

And thats where it all came crashing down. We just got a message, like 5 mins before the time i am writing this, that our whole class except that girl will be heavily penalized because we 'lied to our parents about the day being off' and 'breaking the college discipline code'. Btw we never lied to our parents.

Anyways, we found out that THAT GIRL SNITCHED ON US, SENT OUR CHAT'S SCREENSHOTS TO THE PRINCIPAL, AND GOT OUT OF THE PLAN LIKE SHE WAS NEVER INVOLVED. Mind you, if her parenyts had agreed to let her take the day off, she would never have come to school. And she was so unapologetic too. Like i get that we werent all innocent, but snitching and throwing everyone under the bus is so wrong 😭😭😭

I never liked that girl tbh. She fails her classes, she is not good at any extra curriculars, she is a wannabe teachers pet. And she visits the washroom 10 times a day idk why. Thats suspicious, if you ask me.

Im sorry for this long story, but i just wanted to vent out. Please pray for me and my class 😓

-🦔

this girl sounds horrible so i hope your weekend is better, i am glaring at her from my laptop and patting your back as well >:( rude little troll- please keep me posted bc this sounds…i want to know you are ok plz

side rant that happened with a girl in my class that turned out to be a cousin of mine…she so fricking ditzy giggling and making the teacher answer the most randomest questions in class while they give us lecture like bish wait or write it down BUT NO she keeps going and asking about the test and only paying attention to a lecture if its going to be on a test and not the actual INFORMATION WE NEED TO DO THE JOB LIKE BISH LIFE ISN"T ABT A GRADE????? i care abt my grade and study but like i want to perform the actual job correctly so even if the textbook is old i want to understand the idea and actually perform the task up to the standards NOT WEAR MY HEADPHONES AND LEAVE RANDOMLY FOR ABT AN HOUR OF CLASS ONLY TO BUG THE TEACHER ABT DOING THE LECTURE AGAIN BC YOU "LEFT SOMETHING IN UR CAR" why do you have to leave TEN TIMES A DAY TO UR CAR?????????????????? and then she hugs and hangs out with me like nothing happens and smells dirty like idk ur home life but shower or borrow my perfume please TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT dont even get me started on her cheating and she has the nerve to complain abt her grades being one point less when she cheats??????????? i study and earn my grade honestly PISS OFF but i usually just smile and walk away before i punch the wall <3 bro this wednesday i was cleaning instruments during our BUSIET CLINIC EVER so i had to clean everything for eight hours straight with no help and one classmate lost a tiny screw in the sink when i left to grab some water BC I HAVEN"T DRANK WATER IN LIKE FIVE HOURS?????? so im tired, thirsty, and surviving off some milk i drank in the morning bc we don't get breaks for food either and THIS GIRL HAS THE NERVE TO LAUGH AND HUG ME SAYING THAT SHE WANTS ME TO CLEAN HER ROOM BC SHE NEEDS TO GET SMT IN HER CAR WHILE IM PANCIKING ABT LOOSING THIS SCREW THATS EXPENSIVE AND INSTRUMENTS ARE PILING (and god im so mad rn) and its all a blur after that bc i think i cried or blacked out and kept cleaning ignoring her :') i hate my life bc she thinks we're buddies and i want to slap her

whew rant over….so sorry to sound so violent this girl gets me mad and did also b4 we left class yesterday (it was friday for me) GAH

[krispiecake]

oo not to live in a kids home or anything but the fact this staff member is going around and fucking lying and everyone believes her over me despite the fact i literally have no reason to lie and now im the one getting shit…… about to murder someone rn <3

[kirishwima]

lmaooo what a bitch