#anyway remember to watch mint tomorrow! GET HYPED

[cinnamonghost]

MINT MAID BACK TOMORROWWWWWWWWW

[lovemesomesurveys]

What do you usually order from Subway/Togo’s/another sandwich place? Wheat bread, turkey, salami, Monterrey Jack cheese, mayo, pickles, and olive oil and vinegar or some kind of sandwich spread.

Have you ever talked about your period with a guy? Were they okay with it, or grossed out? No. I never felt comfortable talking about that with anyone, really, but definitely not a guy. I just always kept that to myself, I didn’t feel the need to discuss it with anyone.

Have you ever been to small/church/bible group/study (forced to or wanted to)? I’ve been to church and I’ve participated in several Bible studies the past year and have done so by choice. I went to church as a kid sometimes with my grandparents, which wasn’t really my choice at the time.

In-N-Out, ever been there? If not, what’s a good burger place around your town? Yeah, numerous times. Would I be a true Californian if I didn’t? ha. Honestly, though, I don’t think it’s that great or what it’s hyped up to be. When we got a Five Guys several years ago, which was a east coast thing, I remember thinking it was way better. 

How many people do you know with the name Ashley/Ashlee? I don’t know any currently.

Have you ever been to an asian (any type) market? If so, what is the closest one to you? Yeah, a few.

What would you do if the person you have feelings for showed up at your door? I don’t have romantic feelings for anyone.

How long does it typically take you to get over people? It always took me a long time.

What did your last text message say? “Yes.”

How many people have texted you today? Did you reply to all of them? No one has texted me so far.

When was the last time you drank something with alcohol? 8 years ago on my birthday.

Have you ever slept with a member of the opposite sex without having sex? I’ve never slept with a member of the opposite sex, period.

Will you talk to the person you like tonight? There’s no such person.

How would you feel if your significant other had tattoos? I don’t think I’d mind. Although, I personally don’t really like a body full of tatts and I really don’t care for face tatts. That’s just my personal preference. 

Do you actually eat breakfast lunch and dinner everyday? No, not all 3. There’s a lot of days I just have dinner and my late night bowl of ramen I have every night. Somedays I have lunch. I rarely have breakfast, but I do eat breakfast food a lot.

Is there something else you should be doing? I should be trying to go to sleep.

Was your last text message from someone of the opposite sex? No.

If you could have a free plane ticket to anywhere, where would you choose to go? I’d have to really think about that, there’s so many places I’d love to visit given the chance. Not in these current times given the pandemic, but ya know.

Have you felt ill at all in the past week? Yes.

What’s the approximate total cost of the clothes you’re wearing? Maybe $40.

Where was the last place on your body that you felt physical pain? My back.

Has someone of the opposite sex made you smile recently? My brother brought me a Starbucks yesterday, which made me smile.

Can your significant other/crush sing? I don’t have either of those

What do you want/need right now? I need to sleep.

How much does the last person you texted really know about you? She knows a lot about me.

Who was the last person you apologized to? What did you apologize for? I apologized just a bit ago when calling to cancel my doctor appointment. 

What are the initials of the person you have feelings for? Sigh.

Did you straighten your hair today? No. I haven’t straightened my hair in years.

Is it okay to like someone else, if you already have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Uh, not to me it isn’t.

Would you spend the night in a haunted house? No.

Look in a mirror. Are you 100% happy with what you see? Why/why not? Umm, how about no.

Will tomorrow be better than today? I haven’t done much today so far, it’s only 7:37AM.

What are you listening to right now? An ASMR video of course.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? The receptionist at my doctor’s office.

Do you look your age? I think I look younger.

Last person you texted? My mom.

What color is your hair? Naturally it’s dark brown, but I dye it red. Have you ever gone out of your way to make someone happy? Yes.

Does it bother you when people respond with one word texts? Not unless I feel like there's a reason for the conversation to continue. <<< Yeah, if we’re having a conversation it makes it difficult. Or if I’ve said something I feel warrants more of a response. Sometimes one word is all that’s needed. 

Could you cry right now? I’d rather not.

How late did you stay up last night and why? I think I fell asleep a little after 5AM.

Does it take a lot to make you cry? No. Somedays I’m already on the verge of tears so it takes very little. 

Has anyone made you upset lately? Yes.

When was the last time you completely broke down? About a week ago.

If you were given the chance to go to Paris, would you go? Not currently, but in better circumstances yes absolutely.

Are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you? Certain things, yeah.

Have you ever been dumped? Yes.

Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? I’d like to experience a serious relationship. 

How have you been feeling today? Mehhh.

Do you chew your pens? No.

Is there anything you DIDN’T like about today? Like I’ve said, it’s still really early and nothing has happened so far.

Where’s your phone right now? Near me on my bed.

Is there a certain person that makes you feel safe? My family does.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? No. It was the receptionist at my doctor’s office who I don’t even know, but he seemed nice.

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard somebody say recently? Uhhh.

What is your favorite slang word for penis? I don’t have a favorite slang word for penis...

If you found a full tube of lipgloss on the ground, would you pick it up and keep it or would you throw it away? Ew, I definitely wouldn’t keep it. I don’t want some random and used lipgloss that’s gross. I wouldn’t do anything with it, I’d just keep going.

Do you ever listen to music to fall asleep to? No, I listen to ASMR.

If your parents.. or anybody else.. found your cell phone, would they be horrified at any of the messages in our inbox/outbox? No. Majority of the messages are from them anyway. The others are from my brother and my Nana lol.

Do you get offended if someone repeatedly checks their mobile phone when you’re out for lunch or dinner? It gets annoying when you’re trying to talk to them and they’re clearly distracted and not paying attention.

When you drink alcohol with friends, do you play drinking games? We did sometimes.

If you were a waiter/waitress, would you make good tips? I don’t know?

Forget about toppings. What type of CRUST do you like on pizzas? I like pan or high rise.

Would you prefer an ice cream sundae or an ice cream cone? Ice cream sundae. I take too long to finish stuff and ice cream cones get too messy.

What are the best kind of Girl Scout cookies? Thin Mints are the top fave, but I like the others as well except for the coconut ones.

Have you ever had an allergic reaction to a certain medication? No.

Puff, puff…do you need an inhaler to survive? No.

What’s your favorite kind of pasta? Spaghetti or pesto pasta.

Do you watch independent films? Yeah, some. If a movie looks interesting then I’ll likely check it out.

Do you constantly doubt yourself? I completely doubt myself.

Have you ever played computer solitaire for hours on end? I probably did when I was a kid. Back when that and messing around on Paint was pretty all there was to do haha.

Are you scared of roller coasters because of Final Destination 3? I was scared before then. 

If you were digging and found buried treasure, would you tell anyone? I’d tell my family and then figure out what to do.

Do you still whip out the Nintendo on random occasions? The only Nintendo I have is an Nintendo Switch.

Have you ever seen anyone fall down an escalator? Funny or scary? Nooo, omg. That wouldn’t be funny at all.

Do you think wearing jeans to work is unprofessional? No, not necessarily. Depends on the job, of course. 

Are you uneasy about eating from a buffet? Yeah, I don’t like buffets.

Can you honestly tell the difference between DiGiorno and delivery pizza? Definitely. My favorite pizza is from this local pizza place, but DiGiorno isn’t bad.

[asterinjapan]

It’s a small world after all...

Good morning!

As predicted, I didn’t get to update my blog yesterday anymore, because  it did indeed get a little late, haha. Thankfully it was for good reason: yesterday was Disney day!

I just finished trying to stuff all my souvenirs into my bags to see if it all fits, so I’ll give you yesterday’s report without further ado. Today’s report will follow later, as will yesterday’s photos. There’s a lot to sort through ;)

We got up early to get the 8:30 AM train to Tokyo station, from where we took the Keiyo or Musashino line down for Maihama, the closest station to the Disney Resort. However, the Keiyo had a delay of about half an hour (!), so when we got there, the train that was supposed to leave 25 minutes ago just entered the station. Lucky for us, and not entirely unsurprisingly, it was a rather full train, haha.

Fifteen minutes later we hit Maihama station, and off we went for Disneyland!

My friend really likes roller coasters, so we first went to Splash Mountain to get her a Fast Pass. The park had barely been open for an hour and a half, and the fastpasses were already at the return time of 5 PM, whoa. We secured her one and then moved over to It’s a Small World, which had a queue of 45 minutes. That sounds rather ridiculous for It’s a Small World, but it’s been closed for over 8 months for rigorous restorations and for some very important additions. You see, this year marks Tokyo Disneyland’s 35th anniversary. For the occasion, they’d renewed It’s a Small World and inserted new dolls, all of Disney characters placed in their home countries. They went up as recent as Moana, and it was a lot of fun spotting all the characters. The ride looks mint new now too – I couldn’t go last year, but from what I remember from 2016 and earlier, it did look rather old compared to other attractions. Can’t say so anymore now!

That was super fun, so with that earworm stuck in our heads for the rest of the day, we decided to take a rest with an ice cream and figure out our plan for the rest of the morning. We were approached by a cast member, who told us about this being the anniversary year and then decided to reward us with special medals for the anniversary year. To top it off, she also gave us a fast pass for whichever roller coaster ride of choice, no time slot or waiting time required!

So that was really super neat, and as it turned out later, we really were lucky, since we spotted maaaaybe 2 other people in the entire park with the same award. We kept being congratulated by other cast members too, so we felt very special all day, haha.

My friend had become interested in the Star Tours attraction – we could use the fastpass for it, but it was only a 30 minute wait, so we took the bystander entrance and walked on. I have to confess I eventually noped out, since only the very final warning before boarding warned for sudden drops, and I really don’t do well with those. The attraction was apparently very nice, though if you’re, like us, not a Star Wars fan, it’s probably not going to be your favourite.

I was very happy when my friend mentioned she wanted to try the Philharmagic attraction next, because that one is one of my favourites, haha. It’s a 4D attraction of what was supposed to be a concert conducted by Mickey Mouse, except Donald Duck takes over and messes up, taking you on a wild journey through various Disney songs. It’s really tons of fun, and luckily my friend really enjoyed herself too.

We had lunch then and my friend went into Space Mountain, for which she thankfully also managed a fastpass, because I noped out there as well, haha. I strolled around to do some shopping and we met half an hour later, which was well-timed for the both of us, so that was good!

We were in time to catch the full daytime parade Sansui, which eh, has a lot of water. It was fun, but I wanted to take photos, and I really had to take refuge under the trees. The wind was picking up and Donald Duck had sprayed me with his water hose before,  but I could avoid it this time and managed to take some pictures while my friend just enjoyed getting splashed with this weather, haha. (It was sadly 33 C again and sunny. Sunny’s nice! The temperature less so.)

Next up was Pirates of the Caribbean, which I’m sure was underwhelming for my friend after those wilder rides, haha, but it’s still fun. When we got out, she went on to use the free fast pass for the Big Thunder Mountain while I went to find a place for the next big event: the Dreaming Up! Parade, which is new and should be very spectacular.

My friend made it back in time and we settled in. I eventually got up for better pictures, which was a shame, because I got sandwiched between someone who made pictures with her iPad still in one of those book-like covers, and someone else who felt compelled to wave at every single person passing, which is nice, but less so when you keep getting that hand in your frame.

Either way, the parade definitely lived up to the hype. There was even a float for Big Hero 6, which is a rarity and maybe a first for Disney parks, as far as I know. I think I managed to take a couple of decent pictures despite my place and the setting sun, so you’ll get to see those later.

While my friend made it to Splash Mountain, I did some more shopping and made it back so early I was fairly sure I could still catch her. I thus went up to the ride, switched to my big lens and managed to indeed take a picture while she plunged into the watery depths of the ride, haha.

So we both had lots of fun! We walked over to the castle to take some much needed pictures with it as a background before the sun completely set (I’d scored mouse ears by this point, so clearly I needed to pose with those), and then we went out for dinner. We learnt a wise lesson there about leaving food out in Disneyland, because out of nowhere, a huge crow swooped down onto the trays with trash and scooped up a piece of bread, whoa. I’m almost tempted to think it was a raven, it was that big.

So uh, don’t leave your food out unguarded in Disneyland, kids!

My friend was happy she’d done all her roller coaster rides, and I was happy with the attractions I’d been on and the shopping I’d gotten done. We went on a repeat next: Philharmagic. Luckily it wasn’t as busy as the first time around (it really was a busy day considering it was Wednesday), and once we got out, it was almost time for the nighttime parade, so we caught that one because we could, haha. They updated it last year and it’s really gotten lovely. (But I’m biased, I really love the Rapunzel float.)

Another repeat as we rushed to It’s a Small World – the queue was at 20 minutes now, but a lot of other people had the same idea, hohum. Luckily it did still turn out to be 20 minutes, more than enough to get the song stuck in our heads again, haha.

We still had some time left, so we went over to Monsters, Inc. Ride & Go Seek, which I’ve never been to because it’s one of the most popular attractions, but the waiting time was down to 50 minutes now and we were planning on being swept out of the park by closing time anyway, so what the heck, haha. I haven’t actually watched Monsters Inc., but the ride is very fun. You get thrown into a car with 2 or 3 people and you get flashlights. The ride itself is pretty fast and drives you through all kinds of scenarios featuring blue helmets with eyes on them. You have to hit the eyes with your flashlight to reveal monsters, or in some cases, the little girl Boo.

So that was super fun! We still had about half an hour left, so I dragged my friend into Pooh’s Hunny Hunt, which is unique for Disneyparks and also one of the more popular ones here. The wait was still about half an hour, but that’s much better than the average of 90 minutes during daytime. Pooh’s Hunny Hunt doesn’t have a set track, so every time you ride it, your trip is different. Mine was a lot different from the previous couple of times too, so we had a lot of fun and it really was a nice way to end the day.

Even if we did get chased out by the announcements kindly but sternly reminding us that the park was closing, oops.

The train back to Tokyo was busy as expected, but we could sit on the Yamanote line to Ikebukuro (still busy though, despite it being 11 PM at this point), and we made it to our hotel rooms at 11:30 PM.

So yeah, that’s why I didn’t update my blog yesterday, haha.

The pictures will take some time to sort through, so I’ll get those to you tonight. For now, I’m logging off to go into Ikebukuro one last time. We’re already checked in for our return flight tomorrow, but I really don’t want to think about that…

See you later tonight again!

[felinehypocritical]

dearest (though you’re the nearest to my heart) - chapter 3

Chapter Summary: “It’s juh-huh-hust so w-w-weird,” Bill said, his voice strained and absently confused. “He hasn’t tuh-t-talked to me in wuh-w-weeks.” He tossed the baseball he was holding up into the air behind him once, catching it in his mitt behind his back before tossing it right into the waiting Mike’s glove. 

“I dunno, man, he seems pretty normal to me, just a little sad.” Mike raised an eyebrow. “Maybe just let him come to you?”

Bill frowned deeper, the advice getting deeper under his skin every time it was given to him. “I’ve truh-truh-tr-t-truh- F-F-F-FUCK!” He closed his eyes, fingers running to cover his ears and grasping in his hair as he took deep breaths and tried to compose himself.

Composure didn't come easy in Derry, Maine.

Words: 3110

available on ao3

Two weeks week, four days, and fifteen hours.

That’s how long it had been since Bill Denbrough had last hung out with his best friend.

He’d last seen him when Bill had (stupidly) made a move after a rousing game of monopoly. He’d last seen him before Eddie had dropped Bill’s hand and run away, fear and a sort of warped disgust in his eyes. He’d last seen him when he’d said he’d felt sick, and started to walk home. And not since.

Bill had started out making excuses- it was flu season, so Eddie might be sick, or afraid of the Losers getting him sick. Eddie’s mom might be keeping him home right after school to do winter cleaning, or something ridiculous. Eddie was just taking a little bit of a break from the Losers as a group, because it was stressing them out. He was fighting with Richie. Anything.

Well, it had almost been two fucking weeks, and the kid wasn’t back to Bill yet. Something was up. And it was driving Bill nuts.

Bill was used to seeing Eddie every day- to being able to talk to him about anything at anytime, to be able to check up on him. To see how nice he looked that day. And now he couldn’t. Because Eddie was avoiding him.

They talked a little, sure- it was hard to ignore the guy who sits next to you in every class- but it was as little as possible. And when they did talk, Eddie always looked like he had early onset lockjaw. He looked so stressed and little and scared. So Bill dropped it- he told himself Eddie would just come when he was ready. He wanted to be mad at Eddie for brushing him off- he wanted to be angry that Eddie was giving him the cold shoulder and randomly up and leaving him. But he couldn’t be.

Because he was major, super in love with Eddie Kaspbrak.

Not just a little, no, not a crush. Not an infatuation. He LOVED Eddie. He thought about him day and night. Daydreamed about him. Thought about him every two minutes. If Richie knew, he’d make a joke about how teenagers think about sex every ten seconds in relation to Bill thinking about Eddie every seven seconds. It was BAD. So no, he wasn’t mad at Eddie for this- he was borderline heartbroken. He wanted his best friend back.

Bill loved his other friends, sure- they were all great. But Eddie was his BEST friend. He was different. He laughed at all Bill’s jokes, even if they were bad, he was always patient with Bill’s stutter. He waited for Bill after school. He let Bill copy his health homework, because he knew how Bill hated the teacher and spent the periods writing and doodling. He fussed over Bill until the redhead was almost laughing hysterically. He made the shrewdest observation in the group besides Stan’s. He was Eddie Kaspbrak.

And now he was ignoring his own best friend.

“It’s juh-huh-hust so w-w-weird,” Bill said, his voice strained and absently confused. “He hasn’t tuh-t-talked to me in wuh-w-weeks.” He tossed the baseball he was holding up into the air behind him once, catching it in his mitt behind his back before tossing it right into the waiting Mike’s glove. The ball made a satisfying swish and thunk as it landed, and Mike threw it up above his head, back up to catch it before going back to toe the line.

“I dunno, man, he seems pretty normal to me, just a little sad.” Mike raised an eyebrow. He was used to his friends over-hyping their drama with each other, but Bill never did that, and the furrow of his brow really seemed sincere. “Maybe just let him come to you?”

Bill frowned deeper, the advice getting deeper under his skin every time it was given to him, and he caught the ball again, putting his mitt more forward than it usually would be so he’d feel the impact more, before throwing it back twice as hard as he’d caught it. “I’ve truh-truh-tr-t-truh- F-F-F-FUCK!” Bill threw the ball down, and he took his mitt off as well, dropping it down next to the ball. He closed his eyes, fingers running to cover his ears and grasping in his hair as he took deep breaths and tried to compose himself. Mike simply watched, waiting for his friend to collect himself. Bill was quick and prone to anger, but it never lasted longer than a few minutes. Bill thought of how you say it in French- /en essayant/- and he tried again.

“I’ve truh-tried that f-for the last few weeks,” Bill explained. “Hasn’t w-wuh-worked.” He threw the ball again, this time a high arc, and Mike caught it expertly, eyes still on Bill. They only flicked to the ball for a moment. The redhead fixed his hair again, pushing it to the side, and his expression was almost pained. “H-he ignores m-muh-me in cuh-lass, Mike. W-w-we sit next t-to eachother, and h-he ign-nores me.”

Bill’s voice was teetering on the edge of breaking, and Mike made a noise of understanding before he walked over to Bill and slung an arm around his shoulder. “Hey, Bill, it’s okay, you know?” Mike said reassuringly. “He can’t do it forever, he loves you, man. He’ll get over it soon. He looks so sad nowadays when he hang out.” Mike raised an eyebrow as if he expected an epiphany..

Bill raised an eyebrow right back, not understanding what he was supposed to think of Mike’s vague statement. “Uh huh...”

“Ever since, well, I’d say two or three weeks ago,” Mike hinted again, smiling hopefully.

The meaning dawned on Bill all at once, and he playfully pushed Mike off. “Shuh-shut up,” Bill grumbled, “ih-it’s not to d-d-do with me, idiot.”

“Bill, are you /kidding/? Mike said incredulously. “Eddie looked at you like you were the fucking stars in the sky! He hung off of every word you said! He never did anything without you! I mean, he loved you, man, really /loved/ you!”

The other teen tried to hide his dopey grin behind his hand, beginning to pick up their equipment (Mike was a substitute catcher on the Derry High baseball team when he was free from football, so they’d been practicing catching pitches and stopping people from coming home) and shielding his face behind his burning red curls. “D-does not,” he said softly, but the softness didn’t seem like it was from shyness; rather, it seemed to come from a place of a flustered teenager in love with a voice thick and small from love and quiet thoughts. “I doubt h-he even luh-l-looked at me half the time.”

He knew Eddie did, though, he looked two halves of the time, and maybe that was why he was so sad that Eddie was gone. There was no one to stare and clap for and admire Bill. Was that conceited? To want someone there to encourage you? Of course Bill loved Eddie too- he loved everything about the blond boy. But the feeling of having a constant presence there with him was so comforting, he missed it more than anything.

Mike rolled his eyes. “You’re an idiot, Bill,” he said, smiling a smile that flashed his brilliant white teeth, before slinging an arm around the tall, nervous, lovesick Bill Denbrough and starting to walk towards the street. They walked home together in the dying light.

--

On that same night, Eddie Kaspbrak awoke with fleeting feeling of warmth and dizziness in his head. He didn’t gasp, didn’t sit up- he only snapped open his eyes and felt the reality of where he was sink in as the barely-memorable dream faded away. Gasping and sitting up was for movie actresses, not teenage boys with breathing issues. God only knows how that might cramp his lungs, sitting up so fast like that.

He looked over at the clock- 3:40. Of course. Why would Eddie wake up from a dream at a normal person time?

He tried not to focus on that, though, and he got up to brush his teeth, despite knowing it would simply wake him up further. The cold water, the mint taste, the feeling of a substance in his mouth that felt kind of like it might be food, he knew it’d all wake him up, and he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

But, upon getting back into bed, he started to realize he wouldn’t have gotten back to sleep anyways.

Okay, so maybe he’d had a dream about Bill.

A not-so-platonic dream about Bill.

A kissing-touching-moaning-sinning dream about Bill.

He put his hands over his eyes, and he sighed. He’d been so good- he hadn’t let Bill distract him from his Path. He hadn’t talked to Bill in weeks, even, not about anything important, anyways. He didn’t hang out with him, think about him, do /anything/ with Bill… So why had this even happened?

Eddie let himself fall onto his back, hands still over his eyes, and let out another sigh. He was still mortified, disappointed, and angry with himself, but when he thought about the dream his stomach did this thing where it sank and felt like it was dissolving in a burst of heat that seemed hot enough to be causing the flare in Eddie’s cheeks.

‘Forget it already,’ Eddie was telling himself. ‘You’ve gotten this far, it’ll get easier if you just push through.’

Eddie’s hand slid down the length of his cheek and he cupped his own face, how Bill had in that terrible

(wonderful)

dream. He tried to think of something else, anything else, but he couldn’t. Eddie bit the inside of his cheek and let out a breath. “Just once,” he mumbled into the pitch black of his bedroom. “I’ll forget it tomorrow.”

Eddie began racking his brain for every last detail of the dream, almost desperately. He didn’t remember where he and Bill were, but they were sitting on a couch, or maybe it was a bed; it didn’t matter.

Bill had been looking at Eddie. Not in the normal, friendly way, either. His intentions were so obvious, as Eddie reflected, but in the dream he’d been so nervous he hadn’t been able to decipher what that look meant.

He remembered Bill putting his hand on Eddie’s thigh as they spoke and that they had gotten dangerously close. They’d been in similar situations in real life before (although nowhere to this extent), but instead of Eddie panicking and moving away from Bill, he stayed. Even when Bill leaned forward and crashed their lips together, Eddie didn’t move. He didn’t want to.

Eddie was waiting for Bill to pull away quickly, maybe yell at Eddie for being such a freak and letting him do that, but Bill didn’t pull away. He only kissed harder and moved closer to Eddie, so that Eddie was leaning so far back he was close to falling. Eddie felt Bill’s tongue slip into his mouth and gasped. Bill seemed to take Eddie’s opened mouth as an opportunity to kiss him more, while Eddie opened and closed his mouth clumsily around Bill’s lips. Eddie shivered when he remembered this, starting to trace his lips with his knuckle.

Bill had finally pulled away, smiling. “Wha-Wh-What’s wrong E-Eh-Eddie?” he teased, and buried his hand in Eddie’s curls. Eddie whined, eyes wide and fearful. He had no idea what was going on or what had gotten into Bill, but…

“Do y-yuh-you like ih-it?” Bill continued. Eddie nodded and squirmed a little, still in the position where he was nearly falling.

“S-Sure, Big Bill,” he said dumbly. “Could you, um, move a little, I’m—“ Bill moved quickly and pushed Eddie down onto his back fully. He put his hands on Eddie’s hips, and Eddie squirmed again. “I didn’t… I meant…” Eddie stammered. He gazed up at Bill and knew his face had to be red, he could feel himself burning up. The way Bill was looking at him and touching him and being on top of him like that was something so new, and it felt so good, even though it was so wrong.

Eddie turned his head to the side in embarrassment, but Bill remained undeterred. Instead, he started kissing up Eddie’s neck and throat, his hands making slow circles in Eddie’s hips as he did so. Eddie gasped again and reached for Bill, clawing down his back and making a small, drawn out noise.

“Ohh…” he breathed. “Oh, Bill.” Bill went back up to Eddie’s lips and started kissing him heavily again. Eddie froze up, still stiff and clumsy in his movements, but Bill didn’t seem to mind. Bill was doing most of the work, anyway.

Bill sucked gently on Eddie’s lip as he pulled away. “I like th-th-th-those n-nuh-oises.”

“What noises, Bi—mmmn…” Eddie’s speech tumbled to a halt when Bill started feverishly kissing Eddie’s neck again. He couldn’t think very well, his mind was so fuzzy. He just clutched Bill for dear life as he tried to keep himself under control.

“I thuh-th-think you nuh-know,” Bill said teasingly. His hands moved slowly, painfully slowly, from Eddie’s chest to his waist, and he smiled into Eddie’s neck as he felt the smaller boy sigh and his hips stutter. He took the action even farther, and he used  the opportunity to slide his hands down to the fly of Eddie’s pants.

Eddie’s eyes suddenly snapped shut, and he felt his mind go blank. He couldn’t even speak- he just let himself keen up into Bill’s waiting hands. Eddie let out a whine, letting Bill fidget with his zipper. The tiniest bit of friction that came from that was enough to force Eddie to bite his lip.

Eddie looked up into Bill’s eager face before looking back down at where Bill’s hand was. With full force he realized what Bill—both of them—were doing. He made a half-hearted attempt at a protest, reaching for Bill’s hand, but he didn’t push it away. He couldn’t bring himself to. God, he really did want this so bad.

“D-do you want me t-t-to go fuh-farther?” This dream-version of Bill asked, his big blue eyes turned to Eddie’s green ones as he fiddled with Eddie’s fly. Eddie nodded breathlessly, practically pulling Bill’s hand to his waistband, and he felt his heart quicken at the thought of Bill touching him where no one, not even Eddie himself, had touched him before.

“Yes, please,” Eddie said, and he felt himself start to float away from what was happening in this dream. “I love you, Bill,” he continued desperately. He was begging this dream not to end, even as his entire body and mind was screaming it him to stop. Only the Leper was encouraging him on.

As quickly as he remembered the dream, Eddie was brought back to reality. He’d drifted off as he remembered it, and when he glanced at the clock, it was around 5. He could hear the few over-achieving birds chirping outside the window, but in the dark, March morning, they were the only sound. Eddie was alone with the birds Stan would bring Eddie to watch later and his own uneven breathing.

Absentmindedly, he touched his cheek; his fingers were freezing, but his cheeks were burning. And wet. The silent tears he’d been crying- crying over his own sin, his own helplessness against the voices inside of him, his awful weakness to everything and everyone- turned into hitching silent sobs, and he buried his face in his pillow. ‘Maybe I’d asphyxiate if I do it long enough’, he thought dimly. ‘I’ll have an asthma attack and I can just hold my face against the pillow and it will all be over. Mom would be so mad.’ That last thought was with satisfaction. How he hated his mother for making him weak, making him so frail and vulnerable and scared of the world. He’d love to show her he had control over his life; when it ended or went on, that would be the greatest prize to control.

‘But Eddie,’ said another voice. ‘God wants you at His own time. Would you really take yourself before He takes you? Isn’t that selfish?’

Eddie turned that thought over in his mind as he lay there, in his too-comfy bed in his too-warm house with his too-stuffed pillow pressing into his mouth. Maybe God did want him to wait- offing yourself was a sin, wasn’t it?- but his mind had been wrong before. And maybe God was giving him a sign- maybe it was his time. And it’s not like he was disfiguring himself or anything. He’d do it cleanly, if he did it at all, wouldn't he? No messy slitting his wrists or shooting himself in the head business. Just quick and fast and clean, so he could be buried and look nice in his sunday suit one more time.

‘And anyway’, Eddie thought back, ‘it’s not selfish, really. No one wants me here. I don’t even want me here. Richie and Stan are best friends, and Beverly and Ben, and Bill and Mike- there’s no room for me, and no one else wants me. Why stay?’

‘Oh, but Bill wants you, Eddie.’ A voice from the very back of Eddie’s head purred itself back into the foreground. ‘Bill wants you everywhere. In his mouth, on his chest, in his throat- everywhere. He wants you on his cock, too, you know it. Give him what he wants, Eddie, it might be your only chance to do that for someone.’

That was the last straw. Large, hiccuping, snot-filled sobs started as Eddie’s shivering, small body sunk lower and lower into the mattress. He was so fucking weak, he didn’t even have his mind to himself. He had to share it like rental space with anyone who wanted to be there, it was ridiculous. It was awful. He wished he could die just so this would all stop.

The crying petered out as the sun came up, until the only remnants of it were in his puffy red eyes and his damp shirt. He got up, switching the unneeded alarm off on his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth for the second time that day.

Looking in the bathroom mirror, he promised himself something. His eyes were solemn and dark as he looked himself in the eyes over the rim of his sink.

The leper would not win, no matter what.

The leper wouldn’t win.

Hopefully, Eddie Kaspbrak knew what he was getting into when he made a promise.

[athleisure-aesthetic]

Ugh I did the thing again where I was busy all week and forgot to post on here. So here’s a lightning fast recap of my workouts from the past week, if you care at all. I actually think I worked out (ish, except Friday kinda) every day which is a first in a while. Bless.

Tues Mar 21 Abs and shopping. I went home after work to get my car so that I could drive to trainings the next two days, but went out to Target as soon as I got home, cause duh. Stupid idea to try on like real clothes tho, my self-conscious ass was like ohhhhh no way you need to tighten up those saddle bags and that back fat before you get any of this. So. I got a crop sweatshirt and athletic leggings, felt bad about myself but hadn’t had dinner, so I went to Wawa. Woof.

3x each 15 reps straight leg raises 15 reps roll ups leaning camel x 45s bird dogs x 45s 60 reps heal touches plank 35s, 40s, 45s 10 reps assisted push up 40 reps russian twists 8# alternating superman 1 min 15 reps single leg pulses

Wed Mar 22 Run on the trail after this horrific training class in which I was literally the only student for an all day session. And I had to go back the next day 😩 went to Marshall’s before my run to see if I could find any cold weather gear bc I only had my sweatshirt, gloves, wool earwarmers, and thin leggings. Didn’t find any of that, but got those AMAZING NEON PINK LEGGINGS IN THAT ONE PICTURE and some other ones too. You know me, can’t stay away from that athleisure ish.

It was hella freezing and took me so long to warm up once I started on the trail. Fortunately it was so picturesque and my music was bangin so. I survived.

2.78 mi 9'55" min / mi

Thurs Mar 23 6 x 200m sprints on the trail. Bless up, convinced my instructor to finish early bc tbh he was not really all that helpful once I started following the book that was included, so I went to the mall and got some more athleisure (deh), cheap sunglasses, athletic ear warmers for $.50 each, a VERY cute lightweight rain jacket, and (!!!!!) these black leather slip-on sneakers I’ve been looking for for like 6 months. I just caved and got the name brand ones but stILl omg I’m so excited about them I finally found them.

Started the sprints in the cotton leggins I was wearing, then after like maybe 9 or 10 strides I was like oh FUCk no they suddenly lost all their elasticity and I was having to pull them up for my life. So after completely embarrassing myself hoisting those mothereffers up for my first sprint, I jumped in the car and changed into spandex pants, then zoomed back to the trail start and actually did my workout. Good thing my house is only 8 minutes away from that part of the trail.

I think I may have mis-read what my Nike app was telling me to do, but I’m pretty sure it said to do 6 x 200m sprints with 4:45 min in between. So that’s essentially what I did, I sprinted for the 200m and ran / jogged in between. Although the app only recorded the distance for the sprints, I wanna say I did a little more than the day before, since I went further on the trail. I hate that you can’t go back and check what it told you to do; you only see how you actually ran according to the app. Lame af. Though I was proud, I increased my sprint speed at almost every length except the 3rd.

0.77mi 6'59" min / mi (lol can’t believe I actually ran a mile faster than that at one point in my life holy shit)

Fri Mar 24 No real workout here, since I had to leave work early to take the train back to le Nova for Palooza. I scarfed down a Snap pizza (the classic spot) right before the show, and somehow stayed away from the dangers of late night college food. Though I did get all my steps in my showing one of our friends’ home friend around campus, and apparently that little tour counted for a nice brisk walk. Obvi the Snovas killed it, as a great opener for what my friends and I dubbed AcaWeekend. Saturday they’d be competing at ICCA regional semifinals #pitchperfect for the first time ever, which was so exciting. Palooza the day before was just their warmup, but fortunately we got to see two new songs from them. It kinda sucked for them though bc they went first out of the seven groups and the sound guys always need a few groups to warm up before they actually refine the balance, and they just sounded muddled. Womp. Oh well. Everyone knows they’re/we’re the best anyway. Proud alum.

Sat Mar 25 Run in the morning before the day’s festivities. This was a quick workout before most of the humans who stayed in my apartment became humans, a brief mile ish to the waterfront and back. I realized I’d been wearing a blueish shirt and black leggings in literally all of my pics lately so I spiced it up with these fun stripey ones. Lol.

We adventured to brunch, where I had a yummy spinach and goat cheese salad with fig dressing, and wandered around the city for the afternoon before we had to head to semis. I splurged on Hunger Burger at RTM because I told myself that this was my indulgence for the weekend, and I wasn’t going to be drinking anymore for the next few months (it’s not like I do it that often anyway, I just want to try it to see how it helps my training/weight loss, if at all), so I got a specialty thin mint shake. Woops. Honestly, it was so worth it though, and I didn’t even end up eating most of the fries anyway, so it wasn’t the worst I could’ve done.

At semis, there were literally so many good groups and we were all like oh shit how are they going to stack up?? But Snovas SLAYED even better than they did last time and ENDED UP IN THIRD PLACE WHICH IS THE CRAZIEST BEST HONOR WE’VE EVER GOTTEN AND IT’S JUST SO COOL!!!!! A cappella is the shit, guys, I swear. I’m so proud of those kiddos, and they get to submit a wildcard video for a chance at Finals in NYC which is like legitimately insane. They’re somewhere in the top 18-27 groups in the country right now, and coming from a school where we legit don’t have music majors and a joke of a music activities staff / support, this coulD NOT be cooler. They murdered it. And so did all the other groups at semis, like damn. We weren’t even sure anything was gonna happen for them, but they clearly did some things right. Ugh so obvi we celebrated when we got back to Philly, going to a few bars and ending up at Frankford, where we got some amazing soft pretzels and other snacks. Best day ever.

1.26 mi 9'21" min / mi

1.32 mi 10'03" min / mi

Sun Mar 26 Long ish run and relaxing. Got up and was worried about the weather forecast for Monday because I was supposed to be doing my long run for next week then, and it was going to be torrentially downpouring all day, so I was hoping to switch my days because the weather was decent enough that I could’ve done it on Sunday. But then I updated my app and A, it changed my schedule for this week anyway, and B, I remember I could’ve moved it anyway if I wanted to. So instead I went and did that 5K Sunday challenge thing that it introduced. And I ran back from there, so it actually was closer to the 5 miles I had wanted to do anyway. So ya.

I felt a little subconscious in these leggings because, though they are a spectacularly bright and amazing color, they also show my cellulite on the back of my legs… but I thought, fuck it, people will see me, and if they give me a look, I’ll just push harder and show them that cellulite means nothing if you’re fast and capable and strong. So. I used it to empower me, I guess.

Spent the rest of the day relaxing and watching ICCA videos, still hyped up on the Snovas victory. Legit it’s still coming to me in waves, it’s actually incredible.

3.11 mi 9'41" min / mi

1.53 mi 9'44" min /mi

Mon Mar 27 Full body circuit and a benchmark run. Work is starting to bore me so much lol on Monday I think I may have done approximately 2 work related things all day, otherwise I was just distracted. I decided to do a NTC workout and then my benchmark, so I chose Body Flexor 2.0, which worked a lot of different areas and was pretty fun. Then I ran on the treadmill for my benchmark for the first time, which was weird knowing my exact speed at certain times and being able to force myself to a certain pace. If I have to do it that way again, next time I’ll just cover the numbers and just focus on how it feels to push hard. The picture up there is me literally dying because of how sweaty I was. Plus fun leggings from Marshall’s.

1.54 mi 9'49" min / mi

Tues Mar 28 Abs / some arms, plus 20 minutes on the elliptical. I was an idiot today, and not only forgot a hair tie after my shower, but I left my phone at home, which I realized too late in the elevator on the way to work. Nice. So I had to go without both all day, though Kelly let me borrow a hair tie so I could work out thank GoD cause I was looking at using a legit rubber band, which would’ve been awful. The moves I chose for abs today ended up also working my arms a lot, which was nice to combo them. Because I didn’t have my phone, I just kind of had to make up my elliptical workout, which was meh but whatever. Next time I’ll be prepared. That’s definitely not my favorite type of cardio anyway.

Tonight I made these AMAZING baked zucchini fries, I probably could’ve eaten like 90 million in one sitting they were so crunchy and good. My sweet potato fries didn’t turn out so good (I actually burned the shit out of them, but I’m going to attempt to eat them tomorrow for lunch anyway 🙃) but I’m happy I’m trying new things in the kitchen, even if it’s taking me like 3 hours each time lolol.

I’m down a few pounds from last week, though, which is kind of nice! A little affirmation after working hard every day.

3x each 15 reps dumbbell side bends alt. sides 8# 15 reps twisting core stabilizers alt. sides 8# 15 reps bow extensions alt. sides 8# 15 reps woodchops 8# 10 reps windmills 5# 40 reps russian twists 8# 30 s plank 7 reps full extension inch worms 15 reps in-&-outs

Wooooof I’m going to try to post more often now that I’m all caught up. Lol it may last for a day but you know. #Goals.