#anyway no spoilers on what that moment is

[mj0702]

What could've been

So this is a small one shot about BB not getting injured and how I imagined it would've gone... I hope you enjoy it and if you have any questions feel free to ask me anytime – it might take me a day or two to reply but please feel free to send in your asks

Lucy knew you would be the greatest player that ever set a foot on the pitch. She watched you grow up training with her. You could barely hold your balance but you were able to kick a ball. Lucy immediately saw the potential you had. You were a rough diamond. Every time you saw a ball you toddled over as quickly as you could falling over three or more times before getting there but the moment you were close enough you just kicked it away laughing happily toddling after it again. Your sister watched with pride how you developed through your kid years until City picked up on your talent. You were just short of your sixth birthday when City asked Lucy for a meeting. They told her they saw you kicking about with her after a game and kept an eye on you and they were very happy with what they saw. Your sister agreed quickly to bring you in one day for a trail training day. So you were 5 Years, 354 days and 7 hours old when Lucy pulled your first City jersey over your head. Even tho it was just a trainings jersey and it was two sizes too big for your small frame you and her sported the same proud look. Hers was more noticeable than yours but you copied her anyway. The girls you had to play with were older and bigger than you so your first session didn't go as well as Lucy hoped. You got pushed around a lot. Your body more on the ground than not and at one point your sister thought about pulling you out but Trainer told her to leave it. She was right – every time you got pushed over you stood back up running after the ball. You were a true Bronze. Competitive to no end. Tough – not only was it your name it was also your personality. One of the girls tackled you hard and it took you a moment longer to get up Lucy already on her way over when your new trainer stopped her

“You're worse than any soccer mom” your trainer rolled her eyes pulling Lucy back by her jacket

“That little.... girl... fouled my sister... hard... that should've been a yellow” your sister gestured upset towards the field

“We don't have cards here” Linda deadpanned

“Well... then start using them” Lucy said upset “... they have to learn at some point... start young... so they know what's going on”

“Lucy... I understand you're nervous...” your trainer started

“I'm not nervous” your sister interrupted defensive

“You are a wreck...” Linda rolled her eyes again “.... your sister is good... by far better than anyone I've seen so far... she'll come far... but you have to let her do it herself...”

“That's my baby sister out there” Lucy growled “... I will make sure that little.... …. girl.... won't ever set foot on a pitch again if she fouls my sister again”

“Well... that's not how it works around here” your trainer said calm “... stop being overbearing... y/n will learn to deal with fouls”

Spoiler alert – Lucy and you both dealt with fouls the same... not well at all. You were always the first in a Refs face while your sister preferred to get into players faces.

With 12 you were invited to train with the senior squad the first time. Again Lucy was proud her chest puffed out when her trainer informed her that you would join the squad next week to see how you could keep up. You whined the whole way home to Keira to keep Lucy in check because your sister was so embarrassing. Keira just chuckled and promised to do her best but you both knew that it was useless. Just like the first time your sister pulled your first senior jersey over your head smiling widely.

“Luuuuccyyyy” you whined ashamed

“What...” Lucy asked pulling the jersey over your head “... we have to keep the tradition going”

“I'm old enough to dress meself....” you tried to push her away but it was no use

“It's tradition...” your sister grumbled as she tried to duck away from flailing arms

“You can't keep doing that” you whined again “... it's embarrassing”

“I don't care...” Lucy huffed grabbing your arm trying to get it through the sleeve

“Lucyyy...” you whined pulling against her grip

“Stop it...” your sister grumbled

“Keiraaaaaa....” you cried out for help only get met with an amused looking face from your sister girlfriend

“Sorry Bits...” Keira smirked “... she told me she will do it no matter what and I sat the stakes high...”

“I'm abstaining something very important for you....” Lucy mumbled as she finally got you into the trainings shirt

“Jesus...” you groaned “... why would you tell me stuff like that?!”

“Because I love you” your sister grinned “... now come on... show em how good you are”

You were 15 years, 300 days and 15 hours old when you played your first WSL game. It was against Brighton and you came on for Alex Greenwood who looked like a proud mother when she jogged over sending you into your first game in the 73rd minute. Lucy made Alana swap positions so she was standing next to you playing centre back instead of right back and you realized pretty quickly that first – Lucy was shit as a centre back and secondly... you weren't a defender. Your runs pushed high into the midfield and together with Keira you created chance after chance for Hempo, White and Raso. Even for Georgia – the new girl. She was nice but you couldn't really say anything else about her. Except for that she idolizes your sister and tried to copy her as good as possible which you found weird. It was just Lucy... if that girl wanted to idolize someone, she should pick someone good and famous – like... Rapinoe, Sinclair, Renard or Marta. But not Lucy.

“Come on Bubs...” you heard Lucy yell “... head in the game!”

“I'm right next to you you daft goldfish” you shot back pulling a face

“Concentrate” your sister sneered

“We're up 4 – 0.... I could start my French lesson with Kari and it wouldn't make any difference” you started to argue and your sister saw you were bored out of your mind

“It's disrespectful” Lucy said now calmly “... I know you want the big games but you also need the experience first”

“Against Brighton??” you looked at her confused “... if I score a goal from here... can I play against Atletico?”

“No....” your sister shot down your idea “... you'll train and you'll learn and get minutes and experience and THEN you'll get minutes in the big games”

“Keira” you whined stomping your foot

“Kinda busy here Bits” Keira huffed trying to get the ball of an opponent player so you just sprinted towards them getting possession and just belted it away

“Now you’re not...” you said as a matter of fact “... Lucy is mean and I'm bored”

“Bitsy....” your “other mom” looked at you with a blank face “... you just scored”

“Yes, I know...” you shrugged your shoulders “... their defence was off the whole game... there was always enough space between the near post and the backline”

“YOU SCORED!!!” Georgia screamed as she jumped on your back

“And you get off me” you immediately threw her off again “... jumping on me back without knowing me... didn't your parents teach you any manners??”

“Sorry” Georgia mumbled looking like a kicked puppy

“Don't take it personal G...” Keira laughed “... she's grumpy because Lucy apparently said something she didn't like”

“I just thought it was a good goal” the young player mumbled ashamed

“Oh it was... but Bitsy is... special... right now that goal doesn't mean shit to her... she's hung up on her argument with her sister...” Keira squeezed her friends shoulder “... you'll learn that these two are different than other siblings”

“Great goal Bubs” Lucy ruffled your hair smiling “... you still won't start Atletico”

“You suck” you snapped stomping back to your position “... and you suck as a centre back!!”

“One day she'll play for the biggest clubs” your sister looked after you grinning widely

Lucy leaving for Lyon was hard on you. You got used to her presence on the pitch behind you. You got used to her having your back always offering you a hand pulling you back up when you ate grass again. Always being there when you stayed down a second too long. So her moving to France was hard. You understood – kinda. It was good for her career but not good for your head. Keira did what she could to maintain your daily routine as good as possible but alone the drive to the Academy send you into a frenzy most days. Nick noticed your play was off so he put you back on the bench at first and then back into the B-Team. This set you off even more up to the point where you got physically sick every time you needed to go to training. Keira gave Lucy regular updates even telling her that it got worse with you and she didn't know what to do anymore. Your sister your saviour and protector came back to Manchester the first chance she got with the plan to slap some sense into you but when she saw you like a heap of misery hunched over on the couch all her aggression about you throwing away a big chance like this flew out the window

“Bubs...” Lucy said softly not wanting to scare you

“Hm...” you looked up your eyes dull

“Oh Bubs...” your sister sighed pulling you up and against her holding you tightly “... what were you thinking Bubs?”

“You just left” you mumbled emotionless against her shoulder not hugging her back

“We talked about it Bubs...” Lucy kept her voice low “... you're all grown up now and you don't need me anymore...”

“I don't want you to leave” you started to sniffle

“It's okay Bubs...” your sister pressed a kiss to your temple “... I've got a few days off now...”

“Not days Luce...” you were silently crying now “... not leaving”

“It's my job Bubs... you'll understand one day” Lucy sighed noticing how light you became “... we'll get you back on track and then you'll join me in Lyon okay”

“Don't wanna go there” you sniffed

“It's amazing there Bubs... they have so many ways to train... you have to see their gym Bubs... it's like the holy grail...” your sister talked while she gently maneuvered you to the kitchen table “but now we'll get some food into you and then we'll get you to bed, hm?”

It took Lucy all of seven days until she got you to eat small portions again. They were small and even when just a bite too much had you sprinting to the toilet again she was happy with her accomplishment. Five small meals a day. That's what you agreed on – breakfast at 8, then at 11 again, Lunch at 1.30, another small meal at 4 and dinner latest at 7.30. Your sister knew how much you needed your daily routines and she drilled it into Keira to keep those routines. As much as Keira tried after Lucy left you fell into old habits again. Skipping meals, training and meetings. The blonde called your sister completely shattered how she can't watch you kill yourself. Again Lucy jumped on a plane flying back to Manchester. This time tho she went to her girlfriend first telling her that she couldn't have done it without her and whatever happened it's not Keiras fault. Keira cried into Lucys broad shoulder and in the end Lucy stayed the night reassuring her girlfriend over and over again how good she was. The next morning when your sister entered your home you were already gone and much to her annoyance nobody knew where to. It was late at night when Lucy heard the keys open the front door and you entered the house

“Nice for you to join us for Dinner” your sister deadpanned

“What... Mum and Dad called the cavalry to slap some sense into me?” you shot back your voice just as emotionless

“It was actually Keira...” Lucy kept her voice flat

“Hm.... the girlfriend” you hummed finally pulling your shoes off

“What happened to you?” your sister asked bluntly

“I'm growing up Luce... it happens to the best of us” you shrugged wandering over to the fridge looking inside to see your mother left you dinner but you weren't hungry so you just closed the door again

“You are doing fuck all” finally Lucy showed some emotion “... you're killing yourself”

“And in what universe do you care?” you shot back your voice getting louder as well

“That's not fair y/n... you KNOW I care...” your sister getting loud now too “... what the hell is going on with you lately?”

“Whatever” you rolled your eyes pushing past Lucy

“Oh no...” Lucy panted out a laugh “... you are NOT running from me”

“Fuck off Lucy” you sneered as your sister tried to grab your wrist

“Y/n Tough Bronze...” your sister sneered back just as hostile “... tell me NOW what's going on with you?”

“You don't care anyway... go back to France and leave me the fuck alone” you were now full on yelling turning to leave again

“You don't talk to me like that” Lucy yelled following you up the stairs

“What is going on here? It's past midnight” your mum appeared on the hallway

“She wouldn't leave me alone” you exclaimed upset pointing at Lucy

“She JUST came home Mum...” your sister explained “... I just want to know what's going on with her”

“Can you please yell at each other quieter?” your Mum rolled her eyes getting reminded at the situations she already lived through with Lucy and Sophie

“She can just leave me alone and I wouldn't have to say anything at all” you growled shoving Lucy hard who now stood next to you

“Just talk to me” Lucy begged “... I just want to help you”

“THEN GO BACK TO FRANCE AND FUCK OFF.....” you exploded “.... AND WHEN YOU'RE AT IT – PLEASE CRASH ON THE WAY THERE!!!”

Lucy and your Mum stood there frozen as you threw the door shut so hard that two pictures fell off the wall

“Bubs...” your sister looked at the closed door tears pooling in her eyes

“Lucy...” your Mum said softly “... she doesn't mean it... I promise... she's just going through a lot right now...”

“Why does she hate me?” Lucy asked her voice breaking

“She doesn't.... she's a teenager Lucy...” your Mum pulled her eldest daughter into a hug “... there's a lot of change going on lately and you know never was good with changes... Go to bed Love... try again later”

“I don't have time Mum...” your sister cried into her mothers shoulder “... I need to go back tonight”

“You'll find a way Lucy” your Mum kept her voice gentle “... you always did”

“Pack a bag” Lucy all but kicked down your door a few hours later

“What?” you asked sleepy not registering what's happening

“Pack... a... bag” your sister repeated while she opened your curtains “... you have an hour.... if you even think of running... I'm still faster then you”

“Go an fuck off Lucia” you now growled throwing the next best thing at her which was a glass that shattered at the wall behind your sister

“You're coming with me to Lyon” Lucy continued not even fazed by your hostile behaviour “... Mum okay-ed it, I can keep an eye on you and I'll make sure you'll be too tired to even think about fucking up”

“You can't just...” you exclaimed shocked

“Oh but I can...” your sister replied calmly “... 58 Minutes... if you're not done, I'll come back up and pull you out of your room meself”

“I hate you!” you yelled after her as she left you alone again

“I don't care” Lucy yelled back smirking to herself

“Welcome to France” your sister sing songed as you exit the plane

“It's dirty and it smells like a trash pit” you grumbled as Lucy threw her arm around your shoulders

“Stop being grumpy” Lucy chuckled

“I still hate you and I still wished we crashed” you growled

“Hm... yeah... sorry I couldn't help you with that...” your sister kept her voice light and her mood calm “... we're gonna pick up your luggage and then we'll drive to me flat... tomorrow at 8 we have to be at the trainings grounds and you'll come with me.... if you don't come willingly I'll force you”

“You can't...” you snapped

“I can... what you wanna do? Run away? Good luck... they don't speak english here... Book a flight back? Good luck again... you don't have the money and on top you need to be accompanied by an adult...” Lucy gave you a reality check “... oh an the longer you decide to be all twaty the longer you'll stay with me and train here...”

“First chance I get I'll end your career” you growl helplessly

“Come on Bubs...” Lucy yelled from behind you “... keep an eye on the other right winger”

“Well... for what are you there?” you turned around frustrated as Eugénie Le Sommer took the ball off you again

“To get you back in line” your sister smirked and you used a stray ball to belt it towards her missing her by inches

“Tu vas mieux” Wendi smiled ruffling your hair

“No idea what you said but... tu es nul aussi” you shrugged your shoulders making all the French players burst out laughing

“You getting gooder” Wendi laughed

“Gooder is not a word... frog leg” you grumbled

“Lucy... dis-lui qu'elle va bien” Eugénie laughed

“They say you're getting better Bubs...” Lucy smiled her chest puffed out proudly

“They could also learn english... no one speaks French in the world... everyone speaks english...” you grumbled as you started to dribble a little bit

“Stop being so grumpy all the time... they were nice enough to let me bring you here” your sister groaned

“Yeah well... I'm not here by choice” you huffed picking up with your foot volleying it towards the goal

“Bubs please...” Lucy rolled her eyes still haven't figured out what was going on with you

“Please what?” you snapped watching the ball hitting the back off the net

“Just talk to me” your sister said and everyone around slowly but surely stepped back giving you two some space

“What you wanna hear? How alone I felt when you left? How suddenly it wasn't fun anymore to play? How the whole team sucked when you weren't standing behind me anymore? How it feels to hear “... Lucy would do it this way... Lucy would've cleared that ball easily... Lucy was more alert... Lucy Lucy Lucy” all the damn time? How nothing made sense anymore?” it exploded out of you

“Breath” was everything Lucy said fixing you with a stare her hands grabbing your shoulders “Breath Bubs...”

You didn't even realize that you stopped breathing – you just had to get if off your chest. So when Lucy grabbed your shoulders you just shook your head not knowing how to react. Your sister sprang into action shaking you a little bit

“Breath” Lucy said firmly seeing how your face lost colour “Damnit BREATH Bubs”

THAT did the trick and you sucked in a deep breath

“Good... good Bubs” your sister said relieved “... another one... perfect... come on... deep breaths”

“I don't wanna play anymore” you whispered tears springing to your eyes

“If you really don't want to play anymore that's okay Bubs” Lucy pulled you against her hugging you tightly “... it would be a great loss for the football world but it would be okay”

“I don't want to play without you anymore” you started crying your sobs wrecking through your body

“I need to at the moment...” your sister whispered against your hair “... I want to play against you in the Champions League...”

“I don't want to play against you” you sobbed grabbing onto Lucys trainings shirt tightly

“You scared you'll lose?” Lucy chuckled “If you don't want to Bubs you don't have to... but you're so good... it would really be a loss to football”

“Can't I just play here with you?” you sniffed

“No...” your sister said gently “... City needs you... England needs you... KEIRA needs you”

“Keira has a new BFF... her names Georgia... strange girl” you hick uped

“She still needs her Bitsy more than you realize” Lucy kept her voice soft “... you're the only Bronze she has left... the other Bronze”

“I need you back home Lucy” you mumbled against her shoulder

“I'll be back for Camp soon...” your sister kissed your forehead “... I need you to get your shit together by then okay”

“Not for Camp Luce...” you looked at her your eyes red and puffy “... for forever”

“Soon Bubs... I promise” Lucy kissed your forehead again

“Don't be nervous Bits” Keira mumbled standing behind you in the tunnel

“How couldn't I be? I'm 15 and playing Champions League...” you mumbled back your whole body vibrating

“You are the best out there...” the blonde put her hand on your shoulder trying to ground you

“It's Lucy we're playing against” you took a shaky breath

“As soon as you step on that pitch she's not Lucy... she's the opponent you need to beat” Keira said her voice low knowing just how hard it was to convince yourself

“As if you could..” you started

“I have to... it's Champions League.. even to we'll get another chance I don't want to travel to Lyon having to chase down goals to get those three points”

“Got it... go out... tank them over Manc style” you mumble to yourself

“Exactly... show the world that you are the better Bronze Bitsy” Keira smiled seeing how your whole presence changed into game mode

“Come on Ref!!” you yelled upset as you picked yourself up again being the main target of Lyon “Can you PLEASE for the love of the Lord and Baby Jesus do your job??”

“Bitsy” Keira quickly jogged over pulling you back “... calm down... don't let them get to you”

“Easy for you to say... I was more on the ground that I was playing” you grumbled brushing some grass of your shorts

“Then use your brain to find a solution...” the blonde pressed a quick kiss to your temple and suddenly you had an idea and you quickly turned around

“Beattie” you yelled out running over to the Scott

“What you need F'anwylyd?” the Scott looks surprised

“Switch with me” you mumbled quickly so no one could hear you

“Scuse me?” the older player looked confused

“You go into midfield I hang back” you pressed knowing the whistle would holler any second

“Why?” Jennifer asked even more confused

“They're targeting me... when I'm in defence they don't have as much space but you'll have more space to move and get a play going” you explained pushing the Scott forward as the whistle was blown

“Good move Bubs” Lucy hugged you sideways as she walked next to you into the tunnel for half time

“Are you even allowed to speak to me?” you grumbled

“Just made you a compliment” your sister pulled a face at your mood

“Bronze...” you heard Keira holler and both of you looked up “... leave me teammate and go eat some frog legs”

“Uh... someone fucked up” you snickered seeing how Lucys face fell

“I'll unfuck it later” Lucy pushed you towards Keira offering a small smile which Keira mirrored

“I can't believe you scored that banger” Keira laughed loudly as you got bulldozed over by your teammates

You scored... at a Champions League game... at home... against Lyon... from the box – not Lyons box... your box. It was the last minute of the game and Karen told you to just belt it out of her box after there was a ruffle just in front of her goal and she lost sight of the ball for a split second. Lyon threw everything at City and you did what you've been told. Somehow the ball fell right in front of your feet and Karen yelled at you and so you just swung your leg back to then kick the ball full force down the field. Everyone followed the ball some in shock some in awe as the ball sailed down the pitch towards the opposite goal. Pauline was way off her line and when she saw which direction the ball went she sprinted back but came to late. The ball hit the back of the net as she just raced into her own box.

“I can't believe it either...” you shook your head “... Stanway get off me you pillock”

“You just scored the game winning goal” Georgia laughed loudly NOT getting off your back while Tooney decided to jump on your front

“That was a true Bronze goal” your best friend yelled her fist raised victoriously “Now no one can stop us lifting that ugly ass trophy”

Turns out someone could stop you – FC Barcelona. You made it to the semi finals when you put a foot on spanish soil. Immediately you decided you didn't like it here. It was warm and humid and warm and more humid and people didn't knew the concept of personal space. Two steps out of the plane you suddenly turned around running straight into Keira

“Woah Bits... where you wanna go?” the blonde asked amused

“Home...” you said courtly “... I don't like it here”

“It's beautiful Bits...” Keira smiled

“It's hot and humid and sticky and sunny and happy and disgusting” you grumbled

“Keep walking” the blonde laughed “... you won't go back home until after the game”

“I swear Kei if I get sunburned or a stroke I'll hold you accountable” you looked darkly at her

“Sure thing Bits...” Keira laughed pushing you forward again

“This is the last time I'll put a foot in that godforsaken country” you grumbled – it was not.

“Gooooood...” you groaned loudly “... I really hate it here”

“Why are you whining so much?” Georgia asked “This is the same facility the best players in the world train”

“Shut up Pillock” you snapped earning a warning look from Keira “It's too hot to move here”

“Our game is at 6.45 tomorrow Bits... it'll be cooler by then” Keira showed mercy and laid a cool towel over your head

“I hope it is... otherwise I'll hurt me ankle during warm up and stay in the air conditioned locker room” you grumble from under your towel

“Oh my god... that's Alexia Putellas and Jenni Hermoso” Tooney suddenly squeaked out seeing the two Barcelona players walking past the window

“Woo-hoo” you deadpanned “Two female people who are able to walk on their own... how special”

“Bitsy” Keira warned you “... stop being a tosser”

“They breath the same air as we... they're not special” you huffed

“You're unbelievable sometimes” the blonde rolled her eyes

“Stanway.... don't let her take the piss outta you” you yelled from the other side of the pitch sprinting after Alexia “.. you pillock!!!”

You were able to clear the ball just as Alexia was about to shoot throwing a dirty look at her AND Georgia

“Can't believe I have to defend too...” you huffed getting back up ignoring the hand Alexia offers you

Even tho the spanish player was a little upset you got the ball out of play before she could shoot she had to admit you were good. Far too good for her liking. So she offered you a hand to pull you back up which you ignored instead of walking past her grumbling under your breath.

“If you stand there any longer Ale you'll get roots” Jenni teased her girlfriend smirking

“This girl is so good... Jenni we need her in Barcelona” the blonde catalan answered watching as you stomped back down the field

“Well... if anyone can convince the high dogs to sign her it's you” the dark haired spaniard smiled “but now... Vamos... game isn't over Capi”

“Vale vale...” Alexia laughed as she saw Ona coming down the side line for the throw in “Keep an eye on her Jenni”

“She's too young for me” Jenni threw back but immediately drifted towards you marking you closely

“Excuse me...” you growled pushing past the large spaniard “... I can't see with your ass in me face”

“Lo siento...” the dark haired one looked perplex “.. no entiendo lo que dijiste”

“Yeah yeah whatever” you rolled your eye and suddenly sprinted forward intercepting the throw in successfully getting the ball back “... learn english if you want to have a conversation”

“This girl is a lot of work” Jenni said slightly out of breath catching up with Alexia at half time

“Tell me about it....” the blonde said “... she's everywhere and sees spaces no one else sees...”

“First time in a long time we really need to work... even Aitana looks lost” Jenni chuckled watching you as you pushed Tooney laughing

“I want her” Alexia simply said

“I feel replaced” the dark haired one looked at her girlfriend with a twinkle in her eye

“She's too young for YOU...” the blonde smirked “... not for me”

“She's not even legal...” Jenni pointed out

“And still she made you sweat” Alexia laughed

“Joder” you heard Alexia swear behind you making you smirk

“You're welcome” you smirked as you turned around already seeing Tooney flying towards you

“BANGER!!!” your best friend yelled as you caught her easily laughing at her antics “... you saw that spaniard... THAT'S how you score Champions League goals... four of you on her and she still scored”

“They don't understand you” you snorted “... you can call them twatheads and they would smile”

“They understood your banger” Tooney smiled as you put her back on the ground “... look at them”

“Don't get sloppy now Toons...” you warned “... they'll throw everything at us... they're not used to losing”

“Let them come...” your best friend matched your competitiveness “... we'll show em how it's done City style”

It was the last minute. The last minute that destroyed your dreams of lifting that “ugly ass” trophy. Of course it was Alexia Putellas from a distance. You saw that Georgia was getting tired and you couldn't blame her. The heat and humidity got to you too. On top of that you had Jenni Hermoso on you CONSTANTLY. That woman was a real pest. You saw how Georgia read Alexias move wrong getting to the right instead of the left leaving the blonde enough space to move around her. You knew that your backline was too far up to get to run into a trap so you mobilized your last power and sprinted down the pitch after Alexia. You tried to clear the ball again but the catalan learned quickly so she just stopped the ball and you slided right past her – and the ball. The second you sprung back up you saw the ball leaving her foot and you knew it was over. Barcelona celebrated that goal like it was the final and when you heard the whistle seconds after it you crouched down your head hung low

“You playing amazing” you heard someone next to you in broken english making you look up

“Not good enough” you sighed

“You making us ...” the woman made a running motion

“Run...” you offered

“Sí... run... you making us run mucho” the blonde smiled friendly

“Don't take offense in that Putellas...” you came back up “... but I really don't want to talk to you right now”

“Maybe... despacio?” Alexia looked lost

“What?” you shook your head confused

“Ehrm... slow?” the catalan asked hopefully

“Slow what?” you tried to make sense out of her

“Talk... slow?” the blonde asked a little insecure

“I no no talk you” you said like you were talking to an idiot underlining your words with gestures

“Por qué?” Alexia asked a little taken aback

“I presume that means why....” you took a breath “... look... I'm warm, sweaty and pissed off... your country is too warm and sunny for me liking... I lost a title in the last minute of the game and it was YOU who made me lose... so I no talking you”

“Eh...” the blonde was truly lost now looking at you like you were a ghost

“Ugh...” you threw your arms up “... KEIRA!!!”

“What's wrong Bits?” Keira came wandering over seeing how frustrated you were

“Make her go away...” you pointed at Alexia

“I taught you manners...” the blonde scolded you seeing how aggressively you pointed at the catalan

“I don't want to talk to her and she doesn't understand it because she's only speaking stupid spaniard” you got even mor frustrated

“Maybe she wants to congratulate you on a really good game?” Keira looked at you expectantly

“If it was a good game we'd be through to the final” you snapped now turning around leaving Keira and Alexia standing next to each other

“I'm sorry” Keira apologized to Alexia

“She good... amazing” the catalan said again not knowing what just happened

“She's hurt” the englishwoman said offering a smile “... but sí... she's amazing”

“I sorry no good ingles” Alexia apologized awkwardly

“No... your english is good...” Keira immediately shot down any insecurities the catalan could have had “... Bitsy is just.. Bitsy”

“You... maybe question her switch?” the catalan asked a little hopefully pulling a little on her jersey

“Of course...” the englishwoman smiled understanding immediately “... give me a minute... BITSY.... get your ass back here”

“NO” you yelled from the other side of the pitch talking to Tooney

“HERE.... NOW!!” Keira yelled and Alexia saw in awe how you start to trot towards Keira

“Alexia wants to swap Jerseys...” the englishwoman said giving you a warning look “... don't you dare throw a fit”

“I don't want her sweat dripping Jersey...” you looked a little disgusted

“Bitsy” Keira slapped the back of your head seeing how Alexias face fell again “If you continue to be a tosser I'll make sure to get that attitude out of you tomorrow morning 4.00”

“Doesn't she have like... a new one...” you asked carefully “... if not there are about a thousands fans here that have her jersey”

“One of the best players in the world wants your Jersey and you complain that it's a little sweaty?” Keira asks shocked

“You know I hate dirty stuff... I can't even put a plate in the sink without going back two minutes later to clean it up” you whine and for the first time Alexia saw you as the person you were

“Bitsy please... it took her a lot to ask so PLEASE....” the englishwoman said now softly knowing NOW where you were coming from

“Can you... new one?” you ask Alexia directly pointing at her jersey

“New one?” the catalan looked confused

“Yes... no sweat” you nodded hoping she understood you

“Sweat?” Alexia asked and you groaned

“Just do it Bits...” Keira nudged you gently

“But it's so sweaty...” you whined but pulled your Jersey over your head offering it to the catalan who quickly did the same with her jersey smiling widely

“You good looking at Blaugrana” Alexia smiled happily as you put her jersey on

“Don't get used to it...” you wave off “... that's gonna be the last time you'll see me wearing that”

It wasn't.

“Welcome back to Barcelona Cariño” Alexia smiled as you got out of the black Cupra

“Look at that... someone knows three more words in english” you grumbled “... for your and everyones Information... I'm not here by choice”

“I studied hard to make you feel more welcome” the catalan kept the smile on her face being told by Lucy before not to give into your current mood

“Yeah well... if your club wouldn't have made me club selling me and I would've had a CHOICE to be here I would feel SO welcomed” you growled keeping your distance to the blonde

“Cari... your club is Barcelona now” the blonde said softly

“It isn't... it'll never be...” you snapped “... I hated it here the last time and this time isn't any different”

“Your sister plays here...” Alexia pointed out “... didn't you want to play with her again? Keira joined too....”

“I got used to play without Lucy...” your voice dripping with venom “... let's get this over with... what do I have to do?”

“I'll show you around a little and then there will be a photoshoot” the blonde sighed seeing in your body language that there will be a lot of fight coming from your end

“Do I have to put on this god awful Jersey again?” you asked as you followed Alexia inside

“Yes...” she simply said as she pushed a door open “... this is our team room.... here you can come before training or stay afterwards... it's there so we all can come together and just spend time together – you are not obligated to come here I would advise it for starters... get to know the team”

“I don't need to get to know them... I know everything from them I need to know” you mumbled your mood not increasing

“Like what?” the catalan challenged you

“All their stats... passing rate... fitness... weaknesses....” you shrugged your shoulders

“That's what everyone can look up...” Alexia said gently “... I mean get to know the team personally”

“No interest in any personal stuff...” you grumbled “... I hope to get out of here by November”

“You signed a contract” the blonde pointed out

“No... I'm legally not allowed to sign contracts... my Parents signed the contract” you said as a matter of fact “... they sold me like a cheap whore”

“You really don't want to be here...” the catalan looked shocked and lost

“No I don't...” you huffed “... but don't worry... I'm professional enough to do my job... I'll be here for training... do my part at games – if I get playing time that is... and smile for pictures... other than that I just want my peace and quiet”

“Here at Barcelona we're familia...” Alexia started “... I understand that this transfer came as a surprise for you and that you had no say in it doesn't make it better... but we are familia and you are a part of that now too... give the team a chance... it's not their fault you got traded”

“Hm... interesting offer..” you thought about it for a second and Alexia really started to hope “... no”

“Okay... I can't do more then to tell you that you are familia now too...” the catalan huffed defeated “... this way to the locker rooms”

“How did it go Capi?” Lucy came to a halt next to Alexia who overlooked your photoshoot

“Not good” the blonde answered shortly

“I'm sorry...” your sister looked embarrassed

“She doesn't want to be her Lucy...” Alexia said not taking her eyes off you “... she's an emotional player and she plays so much better when her mind is at ease... but right now.. she's so angry...”

“City did her dirty Ale...” Lucy looked over to you seeing how the photographer tried to get a smile out of you “... she's hurting... I just beg you to not let her get to you.. you'll need a long breath but she's a good kid... I know it's gonna be hard but you'll need to stay calm with her and PLEASE don't let her rot on the bench”

“She's too good for the bench...” the catalan snorted “... but she's not ready to play a full game... she'll collapse...”

“She'll come around Capi I promise...” your sister said convinced “... Keira will help too... when she sees me and Keira interacting with the team she'll come around too”

“I hope so Lucy...” Alexia sighed “.... I really do hope so”

“Go back to england” you heard a fan yell towards you after your first game

“I wish I could!!!!!” you snapped back getting right into his face “You think I WANT to be here?”

“Woah Bubs...” Lucy was quickly to intercept grabbing you shoving you into Alexias arms signalling her to get you away

“What the hell?!” Alexia exploded once you were inside the tunnel

“Let go” you grunted fighting her tooth and nail

“No...” the catalan pushed you forward “... we're going to have a talk”

“In here” she pushed you into a meeting room “... what were you THINKING?!”

“I just said what I told you before” you snapped back at her “... I don't WANT to be here”

“Okay enough..” Alexia yelled and for the first time you were a little scared of her “... the team was nothing than welcoming to you... you fit into our playing style... you just played your first game and you were a game changer... I understand that you're still upset about the trade but you can't let them get to you like that”

“You... don't understand” you said your voice breaking

“Then tell me so I do” the blonde says softly seeing how you were near your breaking point

“I want to go home” it suddenly broke out of you tears streaming down your face “I want to go back to me friends and me Club...”

“Cariño...” Alexia said softly “... this is your Club now.. I understand that's difficult for you but Barcelona is your home now”

“I want to go back....” you cried standing in the middle of the room with Alexia a few feet away

“I promise this team wants to get to know you...” the blonde kept her voice gentle inching a little bit closer “... to us you already are familia... let them see how amazing you are”

“But I don't want to get to know them” you sniffled taking a the one step back that Alexia inched closer to you

“Cari... I understand this isn't what you wanted but let us help you... you need to accept that in near future nothing will change about your situation” Alexia spoke softly noticing how you still weren't ready to let her comfort you “... you ARE familia... you can be angry and fight everything or you can start to let us in and accept that we won't get off your back... we won't stop trying and we certainly won't leave you to fend for your own”

“But why?” you felt so uncomfortable

“You are familia” the catalan repeated again “You are my Cariño, Mapís Neña, Ingrids weird norwegian thing, Jenni refers to you as Pequeña and Ona calls you Bebita... you just doesn't want to hear it because you're so angry with this... but you are already shining but díos mio you could shine so mucho brighter”

“I just don't know how... all my life I played City Style...” you mumbled and this time you didn't move when Alexia came closer

“Just play Cari...” the blonde smiled carefully grabbing your hand letting her thumb caressing your knuckles “... just do what you love the most and the rest will come... oh... and stay away from Mapí, Piña and Patri... I have a feeling you four will give me a headache”

“I don't need them...” you huffed “.... I can headache you all by meself”

“Oh Cari” Alexia laughed loudly pulling you into a tight hug

“Mapí!!!!” you yelled sprinting down the side line Alexia hot on your heels

“I got you Neña...” the Zaragoza yelled throwing a filled water balloon at her best friend hitting Alexia square in the chest

“Uh oh...” Mapí looked horrified as the blonde catalan came to a sudden halt turning towards her

“Neña...” the tattooed spaniard stammered slowly walking backwards as Alexia made her way over “... NEÑAAAA!!!!”

“Run you spanner... RUN!!” you yelled turning on your heels running back to help Mapí so you decided to jump on Alexias back laughing loudly

“I TOLD you you two are NOT allowed to be unsupervised” the catalan grumbled yet still her hands came around securing you on her back so you wouldn't hurt yourself

“The grumpy norwegian was there” you laughed your arms hanging loosely around the blondes neck

“She has a name” Caro grumbled when she walked past flicking your ear

“Grumpy... see” you exclaimed trying to avoid another flick nearly brining Alexia down

“Stop it you little pest...” Alexia huffed trying to hold her balance with you wriggling on her back “... go annoy Jenni”

“But you are victim of the day” you pouted with Mapí nodding furiously behind Ingrid

“And you will be winner of extra laps in a second... go annoy someone else” the blonde set you back down

“But..” you started again

“Vamos... I have media to do...” Alexia pushed you away slightly smiling to herself when she heard you huff.

It took you around four month until you finally agreed to join the team for a dinner and Alexia decided to push you out of your comfort zone placing you between herself and Irene. Lucy wasn't happy about it fussing over you the entire time you were still closed off pulling back every time one of the other players reached out to you. Now no one could ever imagine that you once were a lone wolf. Just as Alexia predicted you hit it off with Mapí, Piña and Patri – much to the Captains dismay. All three Captains. Jenni always sweared hell and poison on the frustrating four when she was on the receiving end of your pranks

“Jenni already left” you pouted holding onto Alexias trainings jersey

“Then annoy your sister” the blonde waved off

“Ay!!!” Lucy exclaimed from the other side of the pitch looking shocked

“Lucy!!!” you yelled and immediately you and Mapí took off towards her

“No no no no no no no” your sister waved her hands panicked not knowing where to go – so she did what she thought was best... she grabbed Ona pulling the small spaniard in front of her using her as a human shield

“Atureu-vos!!” Ona strictly said giving you and Mapí are warning glare making you halt in your movement Mapí running into your back pushing you forward nearly into Ona

“Are you serious?” the smaller spaniard turned around looking at her girlfriend “A re you really using me to stop YOUR sister?”

“They are scared of you” Lucy shrugged her shoulders embarrassed smiling apologetic

“Unbelievable” Ona rolled her eyes shooing the two of you away “Trobeu algú més”

“What she saying?” you looked confused at Mapí

“She's a not fun person” Mapí grumbled pulling you away “That what she's saying”

“I knew that already...” you huffed letting the tattooed spaniard pull you forward “... she always brings home these fin things... and then leaves them laying around in the kitchen”

“You would benefit from eating fish from time to time as well Bebita” the small spaniard yelled after you “.... now to you”

“I... love you??” Lucy smiled hopefully knowing she was in deep shit

It was safe to say you finally found your place. In a country that was still too hot for your liking. With a team that included 75% lunatics. With a playing style you needed to get used too. But you fit in. Alexia took you under her wing staying after trainings when she noticed you hid a ball from the staff to train on your own. The blonde watched you working on your technique, speed and stamina. She left you to sort your problems out on your own before stepping back on the pitch offering help and sometimes a shoulder to cry on when you got overwhelmed or frustrated.

Jenni took it upon herself to shield and protect you from the world. Whenever someone came to close and she saw how uncomfortable you got she pushed herself between you and the offending person. She also pushed herself between you and some fans when you lost your temper starting to argue with them. Most of the time you climbed on the lanky spaniards back to continue to argue just from a higher point. Jenni was one of the few people who was allowed to carry you when you fell asleep on the bus after a game or to the way to one.

Irene mothered you like she mothered Mateo. She always made sure you drank enough – not sugary stuff tho – eat properly and got enough sleep. When you were extremly grumpy and close to a tantrum she'll be the one putting her foot down sending you to your hotel room without dessert to later pay you a visit talking it out. At one point she even made sure that she packed a spare kit for you since you've been known to not be the cleanest eater. The amount of times the poor kit woman had to try to get tomato sauce out of your clothes were uncounterable. So Irene took over the task to have everything ready if needed. Including the cereal bars you absolutely loved but made the nutrition coach get a stroke.

Ingrid was the one who always managed to calm you down. You were young and hot headed and while you got quite good holding in your temper if the other players prodded you once to often you just exploded in their faces. So everyone looked at Ingrid to retrieve you and calm you down. The natural calmness of the norwegian made it hard for you to keep fuelling your fire. Ingrid just kept her hand lightly on the back of your neck and instantly you calmed down.

Frido was the fun Aunt who bought you everything you asked for and even stuff you didn't ask for. That's how you ended up with a motocross bike for your 18th birthday much to the horror of Keira, Ona, Alexia, Irene and obviously your Mum. Lucy and Jenni already debated who could have the bike on what day of the week until Ona and Alexia put a firm stop on their discussion confiscating the keys immediately. Frido had to hand out her credit card to Alexia until she thought of a more useful less dangerous present. So Frido got you a car with the argument less dangerous since more metal around you. This time Irene fished the Keys out of your hand telling you you'd get them back once you passed your drivers license and showed them you were a good driver. The swede just rolled her eyes at the adults calling them spoilsports earning herself five extra laps.

Aitana was your go-to for quietness. The quiet spaniard never bothered you or minded your presence and sometimes this was just what you needed. You also made it to your personal goal to teach her proper english after you heard her ask a fan if they “work or no work”. You had a coronary.... right there. Aitana taught you catalan. You asked her to keep it a secret until you were fluent enough to join a conversation throwing half the team off. The brown haired spaniard agreed smirking evilly when you out of the blue joined a conversation between Alexia and Ona giving your two cents before casually walking down the tunnel towards the locker rooms leaving the two dumb folded.

And then there were Mapí, Piña and Patri. Together with you the team called you the “frustrating four” since when you four were together in one place it'll frustrate the adults to no end trying to figure out what prank you'll come up with next. Or get frustrated by your pranks. The three women were your saviour. Mapí might be small and appeared to be easy going but in reality she loved you like a sister and fought every one who said a bad word against you. Piña was the one who poked you to do something that would get the four of you in immense trouble but she knew you were the one having a special stand with Alexia and Irene so your punishment would be lighter. Patri was the one always cheering you on. No matter if it was on or off the pitch. Whenever you needed a cheerleader you knew Patri was there. She made you run faster, jump higher, shoot harder. She also made you run faster when Alexia was on your heels again.

All of them got to witness how you grew from the angry unhappy girl to the mostly grown up focused young woman. That's why Alexia – La Reina de Barcelona – waited to lift the Champions League trophy until you were next to her when you won your first ever title. You were the first who lifted the trophy (the ugly ass trophy which Tooney pointed out several times next camp) after your Captain even before Irene and Jenni did. And just as your team celebrated, singing loudly you tip toed away finding the person you grew to like very much over the past year. You knocked on the visitors locker room door nervously and asked for the woman who came out and you saw how much the loss took a toll on her

“Here to gloat your victory around?” the woman asked her shoulders hung low

“No... here to win again” you grinned taking her face into your hands kissing her softly

“I knew you liked me all those years” the blonde grinned once the kiss ended

“Pillock” you snorted as you felt her hand grab the back of your neck pulling you in for another kiss

[birdsandbeetlesandmoths]

So. Sonic 3. That was. certainly. hoo boy *collapses to the sound of a metal pipe falling*

Spoilers and thoughts under cut (LONG POST)

Well, my pre-movie post was SO WRONG. I think most stobotnik fans were, thinking that Stone would be the one dying. I- truly wasn’t expecting it.

I’ll get back to that in a second, let me get all of my silly things out of the way/the things i was hype about/had to crush my partner and friend’s hands about while witnessing.

The antics between Gerald and Ivo were expected but oh my GOD JIM CARREY. you are a national treasure, have fun in retirement. we will miss you greatly, but this being your final movie (probably) is a great thing to culminate your absolutely stunning career.

Anyway, their dance sequence was fucking insane, and as much as I was cringing, I was grinning through it too. The fight on the Eclipse cannon was also questionable BUT HOLY FUCK NOW I GET THE PRAYING MANTIS/FLY REFERENCE. (Thank god it wasn’t directly about stone and robotnik but i’m already cooking how i can connect them). Spanking? Also in my Sonic movie. But yeah.

Gerald and Ivo could never be more alike in intellect, but different in morals. Evident through Gerald’s fixation on avenging his daughter with no remorse or thought for whoever will get in the way, throwing away Ivo and the whole of the world as a result). He’s willing to kill himself, but as Shadow says and believes, that isn’t what Maria would have wanted.

I used to not like the Wachowskis. I was already a little unsettled when the first movie released by the fact that characters unrelated to previous Sonic media were being utilized as major plot elements, but during the second and third movies, I began to absolutely love them.

This third movie cemented that love. The father-son relationship between Tom and Sonic specifically. My heart was aching in the first scene at their little campsite, Happy BEarthday, and their heart-to-heart in Sonic’s old cave, talking about Choice (an analysis incoming) and that you always have a choice, and that your lungs (heart) will help you find the right one.

I think this movie might’ve done. One of the best jobs of displaying found family. The sibling relationship between Tails, Knuckles, and Sonic was the most heartrendingly beautiful and achingly real thing I’ve seen in a while. And it really hits you, the fact that they’re kids.

And the amount of silly little jokes, Tails having his gadgetry and Knuckles with his blunt personality, Sonic tying them all together with his wit and charm, it all became slightly surreal to see. To see something so happy, so delicately real.

Oh my god, on the trio, Knuckles saving both Sonic and Tails from falling to Earth. I was gasping that whole time, truly being sent into the moment. Movies and media rarely do that to me in the emotional sense.

AND AS FOR SHADOW AND MARIA

Holy fuck at least I was right about that part in my pre-movie wishes. I thought it was interesting how they adapted it, and it definitely made for it to be slightly more believable and less complicated.

But oh my gosh them. Skating around the lab, messing around together, introducing Shadow to that great 70s music and dancing, watching movies together and just being kids!! And don’t even get me started on the rooftop scene. Shadow was so vulnerable and self-conscious, and Maria comforted him in a way that touched me. Understands him in a way that no one else ever has, as everyone else only saw him as the experiment and the subject, while she saw him as his own person, with thoughts and emotions and curiosities.

It paralleled Sonic and Tom in the cinematography too, and the sentiment was all the same. That Shadow can choose who he wants to be. (I Am All I Am and Choice. Trust, it’s coming soon)

Maria and Shadow made me unbearably happy. It was all I could’ve ever asked for and more.

Shadow and Sonic were an absolutely crazy duo this show. Dude, in their fight versus each other? Both going Super and absolutely going at it, and Shadow having the absolute gall to accuse Sonic of not caring about his friends, that he was clearly here alone because he abandoned them, and mention Tom, which caused Sonic to go completely over the edge, and actually punch him straight into space and lose his Super.

Sonic and Shadow reconciling over their shared feeling of grief, Sonic sharing his pain, emphasizing the love that will be able to help them heal, Shadow reciprocating, and then Shadow remembering Maria after looking up at the stars, realizing, from Sonic’s words, that this truly wasn’t what Maria wanted, just that whole moon scene between them is living in my head rent free and I need to see it over and over again.

HOLYYY SHIT THEY PLAYED LIVE AND LEARN WHEN SUPER SONIC AND SUPER SHADOW TEAMED UP AND BEAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK OUT OF THOSE ROBOTS. Me and my friends were going so fucking insane in that theater.

Shadow remembering Maria (possibly for the last time) as he sacrifices himself to push the Eclipse cannon away from the place that Maria loved. Remembering all of the good moments, the love between them, that is all he wanted if he was going to leave the world for good. (Well, I mean, he’s still alive, but the amnesia route is still optional)

Sonic actually going slightly insane this movie was also very interesting to watch. His absolute- like, his vision went RED when Shadow mentioned Tom. That was what set him OFFFF. His abuse of the Master Emerald and even threatening his own best friends/siblings over this— god the emphasis of choice in this film I want to sob.

Also, yall already KNOW I WAS BALLING ABOUT THE AKIRA SLIDE, SNAPCUBE REFERENCES, AND EVERY TIME SHADOW BREATHED OR MOVED. Literally could not contain myself from absolutely sob-cry-screaming at Shadow and (Keanu did a great job btw) his entire story, his joy with Maria and his pain all after. (His Super form looked fuck beautiful, a new colorful hue every time I saw it)

All in all, Robotniks were hilarious, Maria and Shadow were beautifully tragic and just generally so so SO adorable and loving. I’m so glad that Tails and Knuckles got more serious appreciation and screen time this movie as well, because as much as Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles were sidelined in this movie (to put forth Robotniks and Shadow, understandably so), it still felt more fulfilling and real than in the second movie. Super forms continue to be beautiful onscreen, I would like to collapse and die from hearing ONE OK ROCK and Live and Learn.

AHEM. Now, clearly, I will be making a separate post solely about Stobotnik. Along with the multiple Stone-centric fics burning a hole in my brain and the choice and grief analyses awaiting my attention. Bear with me as I have SO MANY THOUGHTS.

We won. . . but at what cost.

My friends, my partner, you already know. We died and were promptly revived together in that theater.

[inhuman-obey-me]

The End Times

Well, here we are. The final lessons have been released, all in a flurry. It's been interesting times, y'all.

JK, they said the world of OM will continue, and we're not going away either. We still love our demonic dumbasses. This is, however, the last lesson of the apps. And, uh, we didn't talk about the last 3 before this either, considering the flurry.

So, maybe for one last time: let's get into it.

(spoilers up to NB Lesson 60)

Nightbringer

The first thing to address here, perhaps, is truly: for splitting off a whole ass second app titled Nightbringer, they really didn't tell us anything about him in the end, huh!

We never did get the answers to what he wanted out of our second set of pacts, what his deal with Solomon was, what his overall goals are, or who he even is. He just showed up, we got some early info on him, and then he basically fucked off for the majority of season 2 and basically all of season 3. At least they did end on a nice little message from him, though, echoing the start of the game...

So will we eventually get the answer to ANY of those major questions? The world may never know...

A Celestial Shitshow

What we do get, first, is the resolution of the whole Raphael arc of this season -- at least, the closest they could come to giving us a resolution.

We do not get a precise answer to what he felt or thought in the moment of Michael refusing to even try to appeal to Father on Simeon's behalf, which he was seemingly so unable to confront at the end of 55. However, after the collapse of Babel, Lucifer and Simeon go to talk to him again, more calmly this time.

The source of Raphael's distress comes down to loneliness. Like Simeon, he remarks how quiet it became in the Celestial Realm when the brothers, apparently the only loudmouth troublemakers that ever existed there, fell after the war. With the possibility of Simeon also becoming a demon, Raphael felt incredibly lonely at the thought of losing another former seraph and friend from the Celestial Realm.

Luke comes up to chime in about being there for Raphael, and Simeon realizes he doesn't want to just leave those "two kids" alone to fend for themselves. With that decided, he concludes that he is not so fine with becoming a demon after all, because he wants to return to the Celestial Realm for their sakes.

MC, with the help of Lucifer's power, then breaks through Babel's projection of collapse, which had reflected Raphael's distraught feelings, to restore it to its actual not-destroyed state, and further uses their new protection powers to return everyone to the Devildom. More on that later!

Also, Michael is a dick again. Raphael is set to be punished for the whole Babel thing, and Michael basically plans to let that happen, until Simeon threatens to "hold it against him" as a grudge. Which is hilarious, because Simeon has no real power or anything against Michael at this point, but angy Simeon is so scary, Michael apparently backs off.

Anyway, setting all the all of that aside, there's also still more SF to get through.

Three Worlds-building Science

In the process of restoring Babel, MC and Lucifer conveniently also remove all the demonic powers/energy from Simeon, so that works out nicely! He's no longer "demonic." However, of course, this couldn't just be such a nice simple wrap-up as that, so next, we get a whole bunch of lore-contradictory worldbuilding around the way cells work for each type of being!

It turns out, while angels and demons both have homogenous cells which are purely one or the other, human cells can actually transform into either one, in the right conditions. And although all demonic energy has been cleared out of Simeon, he apparently still has some of those transformed demonic cells, and it's possible he will have his demonic cells activate or start to transform again in the future. Plus, even with his decision that he wanted to return to the Celestial Realm after all, it's not really in anyone's control out of the cast to do that for him, and the Celestial Realm would not allow him back if he has any demonic cells.

This brings up some pretty terrible implications about the Celestial Realm, which we're not sure were the devs' intentions exactly, but which become implied nonetheless. After all, Simeon's punishment was to become a human, but if it's a known fact that humans can turn demonic and they would refuse to take him back with any demonic cells, even dormant ones, that's just a really shitty trap of a situation! Plus, they were able to convert his cells from angelic ones to human ones, so if they have the ability to change him at a cellular level, why can't they just purge the demonic cells from him in the process of changing him back to an angel? Lucifer has specifically noted before on his transformation to a demon that he supposed that was his punishment, so that also seems to have been a punishment inflicted by God, implying the ability to also manipulate the brothers at a cellular level into demons! And if human cells can become angel ones as well, what does that mean for Simeon's punishment of becoming human? Could the punishment be undercut by his cells naturally turning back to angel cells? Come on, devs, it's called consistency!!

But hey, it's not like this series has been particularly consistent on its lore in the past either...

Anyway, the Science Fair is still going on -- and Leviathan has a mad scientist moment, coming across a unique potion that could help with restoring Simeon back to a more fully human state, ridding his body of any dormant demonic cells! The problem is it requires three very rare and hard to procure ingredients, but it turns out Solomon had also thought about this potion a while back, so he conveniently already has two of the three rare ingredients! Part of the reason Solomon never brought it up before, however, is that the potion only has a 60% success rate and is known to have some pretty bad side effects including the briefest mention of possibly even death???, and with how complicated Simeon's feelings had been up to this point, it didn't feel like there had been a good time to bring all that up.

Deciding that Simeon can decide for himself if he wants to take the risk after the potion is ready, we have a little adventure to obtain the third ingredient that places us back in the Starfall, which we visited during our time in the past. We momentarily have to avoid the subject of the past as Leviathan recalls that you were there, but is brushed off as misremembering because that wouldn't make sense, after all! Haha...ha...

Leviathan makes the potion for the Science Fair, and then Lucifer and MC keep Simeon company while he takes it. Simeon begins to succumb to the potion's effects pretty quickly, but Lucifer steps in to try and take the pain from Simeon and transfer it to him -- with MC then also stepping in to help share it. Simeon ends up not suffering as much, but is still knocked out with a fever for a bit.

Upon waking from his fever and analysis of his cells and some other genetic science, Simeon has now returned to his fully human state, meaning that he should be able to get back to the Celestial Realm! -- if they'll have him.

The end of the game seems to initially imply that he might be reinstated as an angel -- but the very last text we see is that Simeon will be opening up the Angel's Halo again in the human world. So is Simeon still a human? Did he become an angel again but they have him stationed in the human world?? No clear answer!!! Why would they ever end the final lesson on giving us any clear conclusions? Nope, never, and so here we are with no more lessons and yet another big fuckin' cliffhanger.

Well, they did say there are new projects in progress, at least...

Anyway, Later is Now

So, back to MC and how overpowered we've become.

Through this last season, there has been a focus on how much stronger MC has become, especially when it comes to their protective/defensive magic. We know it's because of the double-pacts, but that is a secret from most of the cast to avoid space-time fuckery.

In Babel, MC is able to control this magic for the first time. As mentioned above, we use our pact with Lucifer to break out of the illusion created by Raphael's breakdown, which also clears Simeon of his demonic energy. MC then uses their power, with some guidance by Solomon, to get out of Babel and return everyone to the Devildom.

That's a great sign, as otherwise MC has had zero control over this power activating. Of course, that means we have to use it one last time as the game comes to an end -- but this time, on the moon.

That's right. The Devildom moon is really into MC and is on a crash course to the Devildom (hi Majora's Mask) to also get some of that sweet, sweet MC power. Our cast gets thrust into having to deal with the situation as the final Science Fair competition, because the Research Institute is basically giving them the responsibility (with the House of Lords being ridiculous and not getting the news to Diavolo faster because, um, they suck).

Satan wonders if MC's protection power can be used here and stop the moon on its crash course, so of course that is what we are going to do. Solomon leads you up into the sky, and after a pep talk, leaves you to choose one of the brothers to help carry out this mission. Whichever brother you choose ends up getting knocked out in the process, to protect you. After a few days, we find out how to wake them back up and yay, they're conscious again!

With that handled, it's time for the classic OM tradition, throwing a goodbye party for the exchange students!! PARTY TIME! Everything's good now! Hurray!!!

Does this all seem rushed? Sure. Does it reek of them hurrying to tie up loose ends because this is the last lesson? Yup. How much of this was actually planned in this messy rushed way from the start anyway? Who knows! Did they also leave us on that big Simeon cliffhanger anyway, for funsies? Abso-fucking-lutely.

But that's it for the last 4 lessons! After 5 years, finally, MC has completed all of their tasks...congrats to us!!! 🥹

Now to wait for whatever new projects are coming next...

[grumpchump]

Adding the full yap because a few people asked for it !

(no fast pass spoilers, I'm not caught up yet anyway!)

I feel like this theme applies to almost every character in the main cast.

First of all, we all know that one of Chase's biggest aspirations is to be a famous singer, even though nobody in his life really thinks he can do it. He seems perfectly aware of this. He knows that everyone thinks his dream is impossible, and maybe part of him thinks the same thing, but he just doesn't care. He's still extremely determined to realize his goals despite what everyone thinks of him.

Buddy especially doesn't think very highly of him (at first!)- throughout a good portion of the season, he constantly assumes Chase is going to give up the stories as soon as they get hard. But as Chase says in Sick Day, it's not his style to give up. He is so much more than what a lot of people expect him to turn out to be and he's so cool and I love him so bad

This applies to Buddy pretty obviously too. He's meant to be a cold and ruthless villain, and he certainly does try to be that. He's tough and more than a little mean at times, but we can see pretty consistently that he isn't as heartless as he might want people (Chase) to think. Even from the beginning when he's determined to antagonize Chase and get his key, he drops hints and helps him to finish the stories.

I always thought the scene in the Cinderfella arc where he tells Chase that he can eat the storybook food was really interesting. Like, he has no incentive to do that. He has no reason not to sit by and watch Chase suffer wanting to eat the desserts. But instead he does this small act that is, whether intentionally or not, actually kinda nice of him. It's just another small moment that shows that the villain persona people expect of him isn't really all that he is.

(This is a smaller thing, but I think with his exterior and how he acts in the books, we kind of expect him to be cunning and hard-working. I believe Punko said in a Q&A that in his free time he's actually an extremely lazy person, contrary to how we usually see him. I'm just mentioning that because I think it's funny and I love him a lot.)

Deacon is an extremely complex character with so many layers that I honestly am still grappling with, this guy's really cool.

A lot of his struggles are with the expectations placed on him. We know his whole life and career have been planned out for him by his parents. There's constantly a lot of pressure on him to work hard at this path that has been chosen for him, but in reality, he doesn't want any of it. My man just wants to read his shitty fantasy novels and chill with horses, give him a break !!

He's also constantly trying to defy his role as the helper key (specifically in Sick Day and The Book of Deacon). I think it's really interesting how he struggles to accept his role. Chase and Buddy don't actively try not to be the hero and the villain, they just naturally are more morally grey with it. Deacon, on the other hand, is almost a little desperate to go beyond being a helper and fall into another alignment, acting carelessly and causing trouble because of it. And the thing is, it makes perfect sense why he'd do it.

Books are very much a source of escapism for him. Actually getting to LIVE OUT the books is extremely exciting. Inside the books, he has a chance to escape his parents' expectations- being the helper, though, he just feels like he has a new set of expectations placed on him. Once he actually gets to be the hero in The Book of Deacon, he learns that this role is just as tough- again, he's trading one set of expectations for another. There's really no winning for this man lol. but im getting a little off topic here.

What Deacon needs is to reject the expectations his parents have placed on him and do what will make him truly happy. We can see how Buddy and Chase sort of naturally deviate from their expectations just through being themselves, but Deacon is still struggling in this process. Deacon is struggling to be himself in the way Buddy and Chase do.

There is still that level of acceptance he needs to have for his current situation though, specially in his helper role. He's still struggling to grasp all that being a helper means and how it's still just as important a role to take on as the hero or villain. He needs to find a way to balance his responsibilities and his happiness.

In Prunella's case, it's a bit harder to say- as of Friends and Family, we haven't gotten to spend as much time with her as the boys, so we're still learning more about her. I think the irony of this little girl getting to play the role of the big strong hero is sort of a subversion of expectations in itself lol.

We've also seen her upbringing. We've seen her mom. We've seen her house. It's a big awesome fairytale mess, and she doesn't really fit into it at all- being more into wilderness survival, she's not really what most people would assume her to be when they see her home life. Nothing wrong with that of course, just worth mentioning. We also learn in Friends and Family that she's very advanced for her age- she's extremely smart and probably a lot more understanding and level-headed about all the key business than I think a lot of other kids would be. I'd say she deviates from what a lot of people would expect of a child her age.

I'd love to hear if anyone has any other thoughts about her character !! I like her a lot and I'm excited to get to know more of her in the story :)

I wanna touch on the Keys last, specifically Silver. This part will be more speculation, so take it with a grain of salt.

In line with the theory about Silver possibly betraying Chase, this theme would apply perfectly. The way we've gotten to know Silver, she's extremely sweet and caring. She acts very selflessly for her family and friends and is eager to lend Chase a helping hand in saving his mom.

What we need to remember is that her first priority is to take care of her family. Helping Chase with his thing is definitely a means to reunite everyone (since he'll need all 12 keys to make his wish anyway), but it may not feel like she's doing enough. Helping her family and taking care of the Keys is her ultimate goal. If she's the heroine of her story, it makes perfect sense that she would take whatever actions necessary to do this.

The problem is, Cinderella Boy follows CHASE as the protagonist. We're rooting for Chase to evade Ex Libris, collect the keys, and save his mom. From this perspective, Silver betraying Chase, going behind his back, etc. would technically be an antagonistic action.

Am I saying that makes her a villainess? No, I really don't think so. But we've come to know Silver as a kind, supporting force for Chase. All I'm saying is, if she really were going behind Chase's back in some way (referring specifically to the letter she writes to Violet at the end of Friends and Family), it would absolutely subvert ours and Chase's expectations of her. It would line up with the theme of defying these expectations.

This theme is another of the many reasons why the Beach Boys arc is so important.

Circling back to Chase and Buddy, the core relationship at the center of the story- up until this point, Chase and Buddy have not cooperated with each other. Just a few episodes ago was the Toffee Break arc, where Buddy was an absolute menace and Chase straight got him thrown off a boat, lol.

But then Chase sees Buddy struggling to light a fire, and he does something unexpected. Even though he and Buddy have spent pretty much every moment together as rivals, he offers Buddy a tip on how to start the fire. He completely subverts what we've come to expect of their relationship. And then Buddy does something even more unexpected by returning the gesture and sharing his fish.

They're meant to be the hero and the villain- complete antagonists to one another. But in this moment they both choose to defy their expected roles and share a small, nice moment.

Later, Chase offers to help Buddy get out of the dangerous situation he's living in, and Buddy assumes he's lying. He doesn't expect Chase to be genuine about it. But like he says in Beach Boys (VI), Chase gets mad at him for doing the same thing, and he realizes he's been wrong about Chase maybe the whole time. Chase is not at all like Buddy expected him to be.

I think the point Chase makes in this episode about their roles as the hero and the villain is extremely important to the story as a whole. Buddy is meant to be the villain, so he's supposed to be a horrible person. Chase is meant to be the hero, so he's supposed to be patient and forgiving. But Chase says it himself- he doesn't care about that. He isn't the perfect protagonist we might expect him to be. He's an extremely kind and good person, yes, but he also has no trouble standing his ground and acting the way HE wants to, despite what everyone thinks of him. And Buddy, while harsh and standoffish, has plenty of moments that showcase how he's actually quite a caring person when he starts to let down his guard around someone.

Hell, even the entire concept of Cinderella Boy as a whole is kind of a subversion of expectations in itself!!!! A boy finds a magical artifact that lets him enter and play out any story he uses it on, but, ironically, he always has to be the princess?? it's amazing i love it

Cinderella Boy shows us consistently that nobody is stuck playing the role everyone expects them to. Nobody is bound to the perceptions that other people have of them, and everyone is free to defy these expectations and be the person they want to be. Chase says it best in Beach Boys (IV): "Nobody should have to accept being the villain if they're trying their best not to be."

To rap up my yap session, Cinderella Boy is a narrative about defying expectations and other people's perceptions of you and being a person of your choosing and everyone should go reread it one billion more times !!!!!!

shout-out to Cinderella Boy and its ongoing theme of defying the expectations everyone has for you and being more than your roots and upbringing, gotta be one of my favorite genders fr

[lunarriviera]

under the skin meta: The Monologue™ (part 1)

[spoilers for s2 in general and ep 20 in specific—which, trust me, you really don't want to watch out of order. it's worth waiting for this one.]

if you’ve seen The Monologue, you understand. this is why tan jianci fans are somewhere on a spectrum from chronically bitter to unendingly distraught about never not yet getting to see him play gu yun in sha po lang/winner is king. if uts were a north american prestige drama, tjc would have just handily won an emmy. as it is he’ll probably just be in a bunch of romcoms and do more goofy stuff on hi6, and that’s fine too. i guess we’ll always have “wet the bed.”

where was i oh right The Monologue. this will be long but it’s possibly the most glorious moment in this entire drama so here we go.

to build up to it, tho, we need backstory: namely, season two's gradual unraveling of shen yi. we know he can’t sleep well and has ghastly nightmares about a little girl he didn’t save, mostly because he didn’t consciously know she was in any danger. in her red dress, like the little girl in schindler’s list, she stands out, tragic amidst the desaturation, and shen yi makes a variety of horrified faces about having failed her. (horrified faces seem to be his main ones this season, which is partly what makes The Monologue so exciting.)

anyway shen yi has already been pretty thoroughly harrowed by this particular case as it is, having been the one to figure out (of course) the serial murderer’s ritualistic pattern and motive. shen yi turns his most Horrified Face to du cheng to warn him that the next victim's in danger, and they have this exchange, which will be important later.

(what du cheng says is 别担心, which also gets translated as "rest assured"—like, don't let your heart be uneasy. i got this.)

so du cheng takes off to save the next victim, and shen yi goes back to his office to do…what does he think he’s going to do? some paperwork, a little light filing, maybe sharpen some pencils? instead he predictably goes into a glass-shattering fugue state, and imagines the little girl. this begins the monologue scene, even though it all takes place in shen yi’s head. pls indulge me by watching it again, bc i assume you’ve already seen it anyway, and my god it’s such a gorgeous piece of face journey that ALSO sets up what’s to follow.

in some ways this compressed little piece is even better than what comes after. the way he FLIES to her and FALLS to his knees, just rushes up to her stammering and devastated and PROMISING he'll save her this time. honestly it destroyed me, i watched it like 5 times in a row before i could even move on. the unheld-back generosity of this brief performance, the way he’s completely focused on her and then just FALLS APART, it snapped my heart like a carrot stick.

me, a fangirl: SHEN YI SHEN YI NO BB NO PLS SOMEONE HELP HIM me, film nerd: wow fascinating never seen an actor's lips shake before

so now he understands what he needs to do. what he MUST do. having had this revelation, shen yi shows up at the killer’s door, creepy-smiling at him and barging inside. and then he delivers The Monologue, ten solid nearly-uncut minutes of sheer batshit insanity.

shen yi rants. he raves. he paces and pivots and gestures, he thinks aloud, he surmises and expostulates and revises and reverses and exclaims and delivers each conclusion with rabid glee. he scowls and shouts and is sinister and grins and is just one thousand fucking percent unhinged.

we have never, ever seen shen yi like this before, and thank god, because he would scare people on the regular, and he’s scary enough as it is. why do you think he wears all those baggy pastels and smiles so sweetly. why do you think he tries to pass as an unassuming twink, it’s because if people knew what was really going on inside his head half the time, they’d be screaming crying passing out. (tho the beauty of shen yi is: he also really is just an unassuming twink.)

anyway there i was, like a bonehead, stupidly trying to screenrecord this scene before i realized it would be like fifty gig of fire emoji, and then my hands fell limply at my sides, bc it dawned on me what was actually happening. sort of like that moment in “free churro” when you realize bojack horseman really is going to keep giving this heartbreaking eulogy for the length of the entire episode.

because The Monologue is virtuoso. it's tour de force. this is the kind of thing they play at the oscars during your "in memoriam" clip reel. this is what undergrads copy for their audition pieces. this is some heath ledger shit. it's jack nicholson in the shining, al pacino in scarface. this is about one inch away from brando.

as a result of all this, shen yi has the serial killer (whose name is ge yutian by the way) eating out of his goddamn hand within like half a minute, absolutely spellbound—which is the entire point. if shen yi doesn’t convince him, all of this glorious sorcery is for nothing.

(the guy who plays ge yutian is good too, a perfect scene partner for this. he picks up every cue and lets tjc have all the room he needs.)

just a few more notes on the performance, both tjc's and shen yi's:

1. where it really goes off the rails is when shen yi shrieks, DAMN POLICE! and ge yutian JUMPS in alarm. this not only made me laugh (him being so bonkers that he actually frightens a serial murderer!) but is also the moment when The Monologue stops being "aw haha such a fun thing for an actor to get to do" and “…jesus christ what the fuck am i watching." look how i couldn't even get a non-potato screencap. it's from this point on that shen yi is possessed.

2. because he has to show that he identifies with ge yutian, that the killer can and should trust him because they think alike. but that’s just the old “FBI profiler eventually becomes his prey” cliché, so there’s more to it. he also has to convince ge yutian that his ideas, shen yi's, are ge yutian's ideas, from the inside out—and therefore he's the right candidate for the sheng role. and finally, that it's precisely his ability to act, to be a strong performer, that makes him the right choice. that it’s shen yi who’s most suitable, thanks to his convincing mimesis of ge yutian’s highly suspect “thought process."

3. to really pull this off, even as shen yi builds him up (cf. ge yutian clapping enthusiastically, enthralled by this flattering vision), he also has to tear him down. so he plays two roles at once: ge yutian and an unknown theatre critic—who’s also shen yi, because he’s still the righteous officer of the People’s Police, here to inform ge yutian that his vision is sick and twisted, and not anything his gentle-hearted lover would have wanted, not her way of being in the world.

4. finally i would argue that shen yi's admittedly shaky s2 state here suddenly seems a lot more bolted-on. a few viewers have worriedly described The Monologue almost as some kind of psychotic break but honestly i read it as so very controlled and so very deliberate. while he’s desperate (must save victim this time. must not fuck it up again.) he’s not deranged. he absolutely knows what he’s doing.

i'm sorry to say part 2 will follow. but to conclude for now:

• actors are witches. • 16:9 can no longer contain tjc’s talent this man needs 1.85:1 • you hardly ever get to see someone just NAIL IT TO THE WALL like this, what a time to be alive • (and these were long takes too. there wasn't that much cutting. that was all him.) • pls watch under the skin for some unexpectedly fine acting as well as ofc crime drama, ensemble comedy, weird art historical facts, and captain du cheng (jin shijia), who alternates between being a giant goofball and an aloof occasionally scary badass. also they’re in love.

[ender-cloud]

HYDE IS IN THIS UPDATE HOLY SHIT!!!

Tgs spoilers under cut

Haha, you guys remember that one off comment i made last week

Ha ha ha……. Oh god, I’ll get to that when I get to it. Lets start with more of Jaspers good points and leadership skills first

Jasper makes a great point here.

The Lodgers are the society! They make the magic, the energy, the environment, Jekyll is just the ring leader of it all making sure things don’t get to out of hand, but in the end he had started to have a hard time being able to find that control and keep them in check.

This is why a type of “revolution” like this will do more good then harm in this situation because it will allow Jasper to take Jekylls place of keeping everyone together as the times turn and they need to protect themselves.

But uh… maybe the lodgers might not see this as I do

Ok ok, I get the Lodgers hesitants, Fritz brought to my attention that because Jasper is the newest lodger, despite everything they probably dont have enough trust in him.

Which I definitely get, they are in hard times right now and its hard to trust Jasper, even if they’ve known him for a while they were just betrayed by someone they’ve known for years, how can they trust someone they’ve known for a little over a month (I think)

Also theres a reason why I said that one off comment, not only because it was a trope I see a lot, but because I truly felt like it was a possibility

BUTTTT!! With this it doesn’t necessarily mean that they wont 100% not follow through with what Jasper is saying.

It is clear that they are unsure, yes, but they may need to think it over, and theres got to be a few lodgers who agree with his points.

Some who agree with Jasper that may help the other Lodgers get on board to. If they are truly Reluctant to Jasper leading them because they haven’t known him for long, if some people who they have been living with for years joining up may give them the boost to join.

Jasper made many great points in his speech, and with so many people not everyone could have disagreed with what he said.

I believe this moment of doubt will be just that, a moment, but once other people start agreeing and maybe adding their own points, then it will grow into what Jasper wanted before, the lodgers believing him and letting him lead them in this hard time

It will be the next part of this turning point into someone more confident for Jasper, because while motivating the lodgers with words might be easy, actually forming a plan and leading them through it will be harder, it will also teach him to not give up quickly when things look bad.

Hyde’s just casually acting like he didn’t just have a mental breakdown and immediately just teases Lanyon (I love them so much chat it’s unreal)

ALSO THIS CONFIRMS THAT HYDES MENTAL BREAKDOWN WAS HAPPENING THE SAME TIME AS JASPERS SPEACH!!!

Anyway, back to the actual pannel.

I find it interesting how in Hydes head, he also has a reputation to keep up, its not just Jekyll. The only difference is that hyde has his tough guy, bad boy rep (I hate myself for saying that) He cant let anyone see his weakness, not even Jekyll.

He clearly has mentally trained himself to be able to just change his mood on a switch, but even if he can change how he acts his face has to show some evidence of what happened, i mean we’ve seen him be a little bloody from the glass and Lanyon must have seen that too.

He might be talking about what Hyde looks like when he said he made quite a mess out of himself, not only the glass, which might make Hyde nervous, i feel like he wont be able to keep his facade up for long with how he was acting before.

It’s a little hard delve into the few words they exchanged but im excited for the next update, which may include some blaming of what happened to Jekyll.

(Also more Lanyon and Hyde which I’ll take anyday 🙏🙏)

Happy Holidays Btw!! I hope you have a great Christmas or anything you may celebrate!!

[mumms-the-word]

Notes on a Caretaker

I find something about this note so fascinating. Every time I pick it up or scroll back around to it I have to sit with it and just...linger, trying to understand it.

So this is my attempt to break it down and sort through my thoughts about this note, which I think is so obviously from Solas. I think it hints not only to his spirit background, but also his perspective on the path he feels is set before him. Which, idk, is cool!

Mini analysis under the cut! Also a lot of Veilguard spoilers!

This note has a smear of paint on one corner: Have they always been here? There are beings in the Crossroads unknown even to the wise, though the most ancient ones make any domain their own. Certainly, this Caretaker belongs here now.

We’re led to believe this note must be from Solas because of the smear of paint. And I would argue the paint perhaps clues us in to when this might have been written. No doubt Solas was painting murals when he was running around as the Rebel Fen'Harel, since we see some of them in Trespasser, but I think he painted the murals in the Lighthouse after he left the Inquisition (in part because we have that last mural where he kills Flemythal, and he left his paint pallet in the music room after recreating the Inquisition murals there). So it could go either way, but...

I can just imagine Solas, lost in the throes of his regrets, painting his sins on the walls of the library and his memories of the Inquisition in the music room, finally noticing the Caretaker who has arrived, or perhaps was always there. Perhaps he pauses to consider the nature of the Caretaker, and the mystery of when it arrived. We find this note in the kitchen/dining area, where Solas still has a single place setting laid out for himself. So perhaps the Caretaker arrived to take care of him?

Or maybe this is a really, really old letter from when Solas first retreated to the Lighthouse and began to use it as his base of operations. How ancient is the Caretaker? Did they arrive to see to the Lighthouse during the days of the rebellions against the Evanuris, or did they arrive later? Did they arrive because they were drawn to the needs of dozens, hundreds of rebels and refugees, or drawn to its echo after they were gone? Which is it?

I personally go back and forth about it, but it's fascinating that the letter subtly supports both perspectives. Anyways!

I wonder what we look like to them. Need is a scaffold, and the needs of the living ever rise and fall upon it. Hunger, thirst, sleep... imagine the constant cacophony to one sensitive to such things.

The "we" suggests maybe this is a much older letter. I can see a much younger Solas leading his rebels to the Lighthouse and contemplating the nature of this Caretaker, worrying about how so many physical bodies in one space might affect a spirit sensitive to physical needs. But I can also see a much more recent Solas pondering this new (or new to him) creature, so I don't know.

Either way, "we" vs. "them." Solas is well and truly part of the living here, as opposed to viewing this all entirely as a spirit. It's like he's wondering what these spirit-born elves, or even mortals in general look like to a spirit like the Caretaker. A spirit whose focus is on needs, surrounded by these elves with physical bodies who now have very real, tangible needs. Hunger, thirst, sleep, things a spirit does not feel. But the Caretaker does, at least, sense these things in others.

The chorus of one person's needs must be a lot, but the cacophony of dozens, hundreds, as there would have been when the Lighthouse was in its prime? No wonder Solas has a moment of concern for this benevolent spirit.

Or am I too simple? Wants are fleeting; needs have deeper roots. Perhaps that's why I find this particular spirit's presence both comforting and disconcerting. The prospect that our heart's desire and our truest need could differ—or are even at odds—is hard to contemplate.

This. This is the most fascinating part of the note.

Or am I too simple? I think this is a hint, super early in the game, that Solas is a spirit. Spirits are the pure manifestations of emotion and thought. Complexity comes with personhood, with being part of the living in the tangible world. But spirits in the Fade (even before the Veil) are always pretty simple.

Solas is grappling with his nature here.

Wants are fleeting; needs have deeper roots. Perhaps that's why I find this particular spirit's presence both comforting and disconcerting.

I wonder if this is Solas struggling a bit with the unique experience of being both spirit and elf, undying but also very much alive, originally intangible but now physical. Wants come with being a spirit—spirits want to see beyond the Veil, if they're curious enough, or Cole as Compassion wants to help, he wants to look like the boy who died in the Spire. But here it's like Solas is suggesting that need is an intrinsically mortal or at least physical thing—something he didn't need to consider much before he had a body.

After all, spirits who don't have purely physical bodies don't seem to have the same needs. Like when Dorian talks with Cole about having a body, despite him not seeming to have physical needs:

Dorian: Do you need to eat, Cole? Or sleep? Cole: I thought I had to. But I don't. The Old Songs can pull me.

Or Blackwall suggesting that now that Cole is more human (if you take that path) the physical needs will likely come up:

Blackwall: So now that you've dealt with the templar, you're a real boy? Cole: Realer. Blackwall: Good enough. I suppose you'll stop looking into people's heads soon? And you might want to look into, I don't know, eating. Cole: Blech.

Often I think Solas struggles with where he stands, what he is, what he can be, what he should be as someone whom was first a spirit and then a person with a physical body. Short of dying, it sounds as though the process of going from spirit to elf is irreversible. He cannot return to the Fade as a pure spirit anymore. After the Veil, he can only return in dreams, at least until he finds ways of tearing through to the Veil to enter physically again.

But time and again he thinks and acts like a spirit with a simpler, focused nature rather than a complicated nature like a person might have. When he asks, Am I too simple? it feels like he’s acknowledging this. Is he too simple, too focused, too spirit to understand the experience of being fully, complexly mortal or physical?

The Caretaker’s presence is both comforting, because Solas knows that his (or others’) needs will likely be tended to, and yet disconcerting because it’s probably weird to even have those needs.

Ah but here we come to my favorite part.

The prospect that our heart's desire and our truest need could differ—or are even at odds—is hard to contemplate.

I’m sure this is hard to contemplate even for a normal person. How often do we struggle with knowing what we want isn’t always what we need? We may want the sugary cake, for example, but our bodies may need the healthier vegetables or fruits instead.

But going deeper, it’s easy to conflate needs and wants when it comes to abstract things. Like, say, vengeance, penance, atonement, or restoration.

Solas wants to repair the mistake he made thousands of years ago by creating the Veil, but he doesn’t need to do that. Yet in his mind, he treats it like a need, with roots so deep he can’t escape being bound up in them.

He wants to honor Mythal, who died because of his mistakes, who died again at his hand, but he doesn’t see that he can let go of that purpose, because somehow this want isn’t fleeting or fading like wants normally do. It sticks around. Therefore it must be more than want, right?

His heart’s desire is for the elven people to be restored, immortal, free, prosperous, and he throws his entire being into making that goal come true, that dream a reality. But he doesn’t see that his truest need is actually to be freed himself. Free from the purpose he’s given himself in the wake of Mythal’s death. Free from a path of vengeance that no one asked him to take, but that he feels obligated to walk.

His truest need, which he can’t see, because he can’t seem to sort through what is more want versus what is more need (and who can really, when they’re in the thick of things?), is not to cling closer to Mythal and honor his friend (or whatever it is they were), but to be freed from any and all entanglements with her.

He doesn’t want to let her go, but he needs to.

But without her around to release him, he clings to his plans to restore the elven people, restore her people, and hope that that will be atonement enough.

I think that’s why in the redemption ending, when we do see Mythal release Solas, he nearly collapses with this mixture of grief and relief. When he finally straightens up again, yes he’s hurting, but he’s the calmest he’s ever been in the entire game. As in, not tense, not plotting, not agitated. You get the sense that he can see or think with clarity now. Perhaps even breathe freely for the first time in ages.

And he finally sees that what he needs to do is not fix his mistakes, if doing so only causes more chaos and heartache and death for thousands or millions around him, but to seek atonement.

I love the line Rook can say when they’re trying to talk him down and make him bind himself to the Veil.

“[Making the Veil collapse] is what you want. Making amends isn’t about what you want.”

It doesn’t convince Solas, because he still doesn’t see removing the Veil as a want. He views it as a need. Not his need, but the world’s need. The world needs to be restored to the way Mythal would have wanted it, or so he believes.

I think that’s why Mythal has to release him before he can see everything clearly. She is the only one who can give him what he needs but does not what—freedom from her service.

It may not be everyone’s favorite choice, but I understand how we get here, especially since we find this letter so early in the game. Whether this letter is Solas from the distant past or the more recent past, it sets up a trajectory that we can trace all the way to the end of the game. And I just find that fascinating.

[tater-tot-jr]

Why I fucking love Project: Eden’s Garden chapter 1

(Spoilers below… duh)

I think I should start this by explaining exactly why I love Project: Eden’s Garden, but I’ll make it brief. I find every character interesting, even characters I’m less interested in like Jett or Mark still have a level of depth that makes me want to pick at them. I’ll highlight standout characters later, but I’ll be upfront that I don’t think P:EG contains a character that’s less than a 6 out of 10. They’re all at least slightly above average (compared to their competition).

I also like the theming. The religious imagery leaves a lot to pick at and the animal motifs are a classic way to convey information. The game has very strong ideas and aesthetic and that makes it’s more… metaphorical moments easy to follow even for an average player. Like me personally I’m a dumbass but I can usually tell what they’re doing, so that’s a big plus.

And on a more pragmatic side, the production is incredible. This makes a seamless experience to both watch and play. A lot of Fangans are hindered by low production value, as is the nature of these things. I don’t need everything I love to look spotless, but the pure amount of talent and work used on P:EG makes it standout. Also it makes it a rather safe thing to get invested in. Like it or not 95% of fangans fizzle out quickly after they begin. Again, it’s just the nature of these things. This seems like something that is poised to continue long term, but maybe I’ll end up eating my words. Who knows?

Anyway, that’s out of the way.

General thoughts

I’m going to separate my thoughts into sections. Starting with my general opinions on the chapter specifically.

One of my biggest worries going into this chapter is that Damon’s blowout at the end of the prologue would be used as a motivation for other characters to hate him for longer than necessary. We as an audience know he’s right. He was, for however much of a dick he was being, almost entirely correct. I was afraid people would keep bitching at him about it after he was proven soundly correct. Luckily this did not happen, and I was pleasantly surprised by how they handled it. Most characters did not like him at the start, they thought he was an asshat causing trouble (and to be fair he kinda was) but they didn’t want to lock him in a shed about it. It was actually mostly a mellow feeling of dislike and frustration that permeates peoples opinions of him. Obviously some people more than others. I like this because it sidesteps the three chapters of petty bullshit I was afraid would happen. Most people’s concerns about him were logical and reasonable. The cast even made an effort to include him and things and didn’t leave him out to dry. He still has a bad reputation, but the rest of the cast keeping a level head about it was fun. Some fangans have protagonists who are untrusting, rude, ect and they typically miss a lot of bonding time with the cast because of it. The decisions made in reaction to Damon’s words at the end of the prologue both set Damon on a clear arc without hindering our ability to bond with characters, and strengthen our perception of the remaining cast as people who aren’t needlessly petty and selfish.

Side note, one of the things I noticed quickly was that at the beginning of the chapter Damon wouldn’t refer to people by their names in his inner monologue. “Streamer girl” “influencer guy” ect ect. This slowly changing as people talk to him more was a subtly but impactful way to see him slowly becoming a tad bit more thoughtful.

Each character got at least some spotlight. Some more than others but everyone got a chance to do something special. There’s a reason to like every character beyond their general vibes, which is something even the og Danganronpa games struggled with. Every character has a moment in this chapter where they got to be memorable. I appreciate that. Some games have obvious filler characters, and while this game is no exception, they at least give their filler some substance. Everyone has a presence we can appreciate before it’s gone.

I liked how many free time events we got. That’s generous. Some games are too stingy on free time imo. I want to learn about these people. Let me learn about their life, let me learn what gifts that like. Games trying to freak you out and remind you how little time you have by being cheap with free time is annoying. And it has the opposite effect that is desired. Let me care about your characters damnit.

The events we got, all the pharmacy searching, the laundry, sharing a room with Kai, ect. These were all fun. None of them felt boring or stale or anything. There’s not a grander point to be made with this. I just had fun. That’s the number one priority imo.

The comedy hit surprisingly hard. Everyone had a moment to be funny. It didn’t get cringe (in my opinion) it just stayed humorous. I’m glad the game didn’t take an 100% serious tone and gave us a few moments to breathe and laugh.

The trial

I enjoyed this trial. From a storytelling standpoint it was easy to follow and the mystery was complex without ever being too hard to understand. The minigames had a reasonably difficultly to them. I had to pause and think a few times but I never had to resort to trying totally random bullshit. Maybe I made a few guesses, but I never started trying every combination to find the answer. They presented a very complex mystery in a very digestible way.

However, I do have a brief complaint. It’s not a massive issue, but it gave me pause. The whole “we were all playing games it couldn’t have been us rock” solid alibi turning into “it has to have been one of us” was not well disguised. It’s very classic danganronpa. So much that after the blackout my first thought was “okay, which one of you did it”. A few hours into the trial when we got everything about the notes luring people to places at specific times, and I remembered Eva picked the time for the game tournament I pretty quickly zero’d in on her. I very quickly became “I know it’s you. It’s definitely you. I don’t know how to prove it.” Which was fun, i guess. It’s an intro chapter so it’s not big issue, but I hope going forward they don’t make it quite so easy to pinpoint a culprit before the murder is even solved.

This opinion might be my most controversial, but I like the killer and victim choices. I’ve heard a lot of people claim they jumped the shark. They killed the two big characters too early. There’s so much wasted potential, it makes them sick. All that. I disagree. Kinda. Let’s start with the easy one. Eva served her purpose. She was a good character. Lying about being the ultimate liar? Based. But her reveal happened, and honestly I’m shocked they could prolong it for as long as they did. She was not making it past chapter one with that under wraps. Turns out she didn’t make it past chapter one at all, but the point remains. We learn her deal, and the game pushes you to spend free time on her, so we learn a good chunk of her past. I don’t think she would’ve served as much besides an interesting assistant if she was kept alive. We don’t need a Kyoko, Damon is competent enough on his own. The game made her close to us, and took her away when she ran out of anything besides being liked. It’s a good emotional moment. We liked her, and then she betrayed us. Betrayed us in many ways. My favorite moment in the trial was her snitching on us about the motives. I like it when killers don’t go gracefully, I like it when they have impact like that. And that execution, that’s gonna stick with me. I heard people say it was underwhelming, I disagree. As someone who loves all things angst, whump, and gore the sheer desperation makes to hard to watch. Reaching up for the hand when she was so close, she could’ve just kept crawling, and for the hand to be a trap is wonderfully poetic. You know she was falling down thinking that she could’ve just kept going.

As for the victim. Wolfgang was a character I found interesting, so I was sad to see him go. I won’t even lie, it’s thrown the game on its head. We all made the assumption this game would be a power struggle between ugly truths and pleasant lies. We got the rug pulled out from under us. Wolfgang also had a brutal death. Electrocution isn’t fun, and his final moments were surrounded by what was probably terrifying hallucinations. It’s just fucking awful. Seeing him lose his composure before death hurt like that, and I assume he’ll have some impact with the whole parents situation. He was supposed to be a stable force and we’re all reeling because he got taken away by our other stable force.

I’d also like to mention Diana, as she was closely involved. Watching someone die like that is traumatic, being locked in the room with their corpse during a blackout is even more so. Everything involving her is the reason I don’t feel much sympathy for Eva, only pity. It was a totally ruthless and cruel act for Eva to set her up like that, and it wasn’t necessary. She wanted someone easy to frame, Diana didn’t actually need to be there for the plan to work. And if Diana wasn’t there it would’ve been less complicated for her as well. It’s a bloodthirsty. I pity Eva because I can see why she came to the conclusions she did and felt the way she did, but her actions were horrible. Point blank. Cruel and awful. She wasn’t forced to take Tozu’s deal, I admit Tozu certainly both made it with her in mind and approached her at her lowest point, but it was still her choice. She’s accountable for her actions and I really don’t feel much sympathy. Also, Eva being tempted by Tozu’s deal. Eve being tempted by Satan’s forbidden fruit. Haha. Neat.

My favorite characters

Damon - I have something I must confess. I’m a bit of a debate bro. I know, I know, shame on me. I just really like to fight on the internet, okay? I’m pretty sure Damon was designed in a lab to appeal to me specifically. He’s a master debater, he’s a little fruity, he hates all yall. He’s just like me fr. I think he’s a good protagonist, he’s got an interesting complex about feeling better than everyone and then immediately getting that stomped on, he’s so certain he’s correct that he has trouble making himself sound super likable. Even when he’s right. As he’s chilled out he’s gotten better at this, and frankly I’m excited to see where his arc goes. A protagonist like him is always fun, he’s easy to anger sometimes, prone to disregarding the feelings of others, and quite pessimistic. He’s very proactive, testing the rules and talking to Tozu really made me appreciate how much he actually tries to do. It seems so obvious that Tozu would love to yap about his motive, I can’t believe i never even considered the possibility of someone just asking him. His internal monologue is pure comedy. Him falling asleep thinking about that “stupid lawyer” made me put down the game to laugh. And he really stepped up in the trial. He’s my son, he’s neat. Him clearly loving his mom and dad is also a nice humanizing touch.

Wenona - …I have another confession to make. I’m weak for a woman who’s only morally bankrupt. She didn’t have very many crazy standout moments, but every time she said anything you know I was cheering. Favorite character, hope she doesn’t die soon. Everyone wigging out over the student profiles while she’s just like reading them in the corner was so damn funny. Girl, do you have no chill?

Tozu - I love Tozu, I think he’s an excellent mastermind. He went to college for a villainy major and took a minor in theatre while he was there. Bro is the spectacle. He is the moment. He’s serving cunt whenever he’s on screen. I also like that he’s clearly a person, mentally as well as physically. He plays favorites, he’s sadistic, he’s methodical, he’s terrifying. He’s having the best time, and it’s a welcome change of pace. I was getting a little sick of robot mastermind. Yes yes sue me, but it’s fun to have a mastermind not running on ai and actually interacts with the cast in a human way.

And that’s kinda all I have (for now) knowing me I’ll probably be back.

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

Doohickey

|| Jinx x nonbinary!reader

|| Warnings; season two spoilers, Jinx hasn't slept and is overworking herself, comfort/fluff

|| Summary; when reader gets back to the shop, they notice Jinx had yet to move from her work. With Isha's help, they get her to sleep.

Requests closed!

Started; December 22nd

Finished; December 22nd

HurtCember2024; Day 18, Fatigue

~~~

Jinx never knew when to quit. Did she? Luckily, she had you and Isha for that. You and Isha shared a look with each other, having been watching Jinx since you walked into the workshop a moment ago. Isha simply shrugged when you raised your eyebrow and you sighed.

Since you'd last been here earlier that morning, Jinx was still in that same spot. Clearly she hadn't moved in the slightest. Well, other than to work on whatever it was she was making. You weren't entirely sure, she hadn't told you yet.

You walked over to your girlfriend, making your presence known by speaking first rather than touching. You'd learnt from that mistake when you first started dating Jinx," Jinx?"

She looked at you, a little confused at first but immediately brightening up when she saw you," heyyy!! There's my favourite person~" she jumped from her seat. Hips swaying, arms folded behind her while she walked to you. Then Jinx pounced. Arms suddenly around you. You laughed and hugged her back, holding her close.

Isha seemed almost offended at Jinx's words, Jinx noticed after a moment. Having an innocent look in her eyes," hey, you know what I mean. You're both my favourite! Favourite, favourite," she echoed the word, followed by a giggle. But even with all the energy she was showing, you could see past it.

The exhaustion that etched Jinx's eyes. To you, it looked like she hadn't slept in days. It wouldn't be the first, either. Jinx was clearly fighting fatigue. Forcing out more energy than she had. She'd been working a lot on whatever it was she was making and was forgetting about herself. Again.

"Jinx.. when was the last time you slept?" You asked, hand cupping her cheek. Her face fell at your words and she looked away. Jinx didn't want to lie to you. She never did.

"I... well, I- I joined you last night. I just didn't sleep and I didn't sleep the night before or the night before that, then there was that night I only got a couple hours before I was up working again-" Jinx rambled out. The more she went on the more worried you got. How hadn't you noticed? You always fell asleep pretty early in cuddle time. You just mustn't have noticed her getting up from bed after you were asleep. Jinx could be sneaky like that.

"Baby, come on. Take a break on your doohickey and come sleep," you pulled her over to the makeshift bed area. Isha following the two of you. She wanted cuddle time too, after all.

"Ha, doohickey," Jinx chuckled at your words but made little protest. She knew you were right. Sleep was trying to force her door down, anyway.

The three of you got cuddled up together, with you pulling the blankets over. You made sure to fall asleep last this time. Waiting until you were certain Jinx had knocked out. Isha you weren't too worried about, she slept pretty easily.

You slowly started to drift off to the sound of Jinx's snoring.

[thefandomsfervent]

Hi, I hope you don't mind me asking about Personal Pigments because I am so confused and do not take my cues well (from text or speech). I hope you don't take this the wrong way.

In personal pigments, what happens to Jayce and Viktor if Viktor and Reader do end up in a relationship? Because it's heavily implied (at least from what I understood) is that there's a romantic subtext between Jayce and Viktor that even the Y/N notices.

Is it platonic with romance mixed in with extreme respect for each other ++ their work and admiration?

What happens to the trio's relationship with each other? Do they all end up with each other if that was the case?

For other people reading this, there will be spoilers for personal pigments (a vik x reader soon to be jayvikxreader fic) so if you're not caught up to chapter 17 don't read this yet!

Hi anon! No worries, somethings aren't going to be clear to everyone because we all communicate differently, I appreciate the ask! I'll explain my intent more clearly with chapter examples and also answer your questions. I hope the word vomit isn't too bad lol.

You are correct that reader can tell that Jayce and Viktor are romantically involved! In Ch. 10 reader teases/asks them about their "partnership"and Jayce confirms that they are "not, not together". It's meant to be vague in the sense that J and V don't really know either but that they don't care at that moment to define it, they just know that they like each other without having to do anything about it because they are always together anyways. A closeness that didn't need a label because they both saw other people (flings) prior to and during their time as Hextech partners.

For J and V is been an undefined romantic but not yet sexual/physical situationship this whole time, where reader admires them and their work. In turn, J and V start to notice and admire reader. Since it started out as a non-poly fic/ V x reader fic we're seeing more from his POV so far about his feelings for reader. We will see more from Jayce's POV soon but some hints to it are in Chs 10(him noticing V admiring reader) and 12 (saying he missed reader and teasing V for missing reader). These are meant to be read as either platonic or romantic. Things move to a more romantic/ sexual turn when J notices reader watching his moments with V a bit closely in Ch13 and teases reader. We also see J think of reader's words as an innuendo and teasing V.

Ch 14 is where JayVik really comes to fruition as a J and V teeter the edge over a physical/sexual boundary with teasing. They've teased each other before as seen in previous chapters (descriptors or allusions to) but this time it's done with explicit intent to rile up. This chapter ends with Jayce saying "audiences are important" while looking at reader because that's where V is looking. This is meant to imply that J knows that V is interested in reader, and that J himself is also interested. Reader starts Ch 15 seeing the teasing and finding themself wanting to know more but staying away as the JayVik relationship is undefined but present. In Ch 16 while reader is gone on a walk with Mel, Jayce and Viktor finally define their relationship (albeit murkily) as something that is open and they kiss and celebrate. Getting drunk and leading to chapter 17 where Vik masturbates to the idea of both reader and Jayce. In this chapter we also see Reader becoming more aware of JayVik as a potential (since reader doesnt know for certain yet) to be relationship. At this point reader is still dense and likes both of them as friends while finding Viktor to be the most occupying of readers thoughts.

Reader is a bit slow on the uptake. And Jayce is loverboy who can and will love everyone. Since he enjoys reader as a friend, and enjoy V as something more, he likes that V enjoys reader as something more and wouldn't mind developing it with the three on them together. Canonically he has an undefined but very bf/gf like relationship with Mel that I do want to include.

So your questions: what happens to J and V if V and reader start dating? They stay together!

Is it platonic with romance mixed in with their extreme respect for each other ++ their work and admiration? Yes. It started as platonic for J and V that quickly grew to an undefined more before reader was ever present. Now that reader is there J and V admire each other and both admire reader. The two of them (i imagine anyway) respect and are drawn to people with drive. And reader admires their work for Hextech but also J and V's relationship as friends/more than friends because of their inherent trust and kindess for each other. For J and V it became romantic before reader but is defined now with reader because they both want to openly pursue her and potentially others (Mel in the case of Jayce).

What happens to the trio's relationship together? Do they all end up together if that's the case? I fully intend for this to be a slowburn on reader's part specifically. The short of it is all three of them together with potential for Mel to join as a fourth. She may remain as a hinge partner for Jayce that reader crushes on, just depends on how things develop as I keep writing.

Thank you so much for reading and asking, I hope this clarified things. Feel free to ask more questions, I may or may not answer them if the answerscwould reveal too much of the story I have planned. I do want to stick very closely to the canon though. Currently we are inbetween Act 1 and 2 of Season 1 during the 7 year timeskip.

[estellan0vella]

Love In Print│Bang Chan

Chapter Twenty: Freckles Of Deceit SS: - (ignore time stamps and dates) Word Count: 6.1K Content Warnings:

Previous Next Masterlist

As Chan and Ayame descend the stairs, their hands clasped together, Ayame huffs quietly, her heels clicking against the polished wood. Chan's grip tightens slightly each time she takes a step, as though she might faceplant at any moment.

"Seriously," Ayame says, throwing him an exasperated glance. "I practically live in stilettos. Your knight-in-shining-armour act is wasted on me."

"I'm being a gentleman," Chan retorts, not letting go. "And this is the thanks I get? Unbelievable. You're mean, shortcake."

"At least I'm consistent," Ayame quips, tugging lightly against his grip as if testing his resolve. Spoiler: he doesn't let go.

At the bottom of the staircase, Ayame stops abruptly, causing Chan to bump into her slightly. She turns to face him, narrowing her eyes. "Your tie's crooked."

"I'm not falling for that one again," Chan says immediately, taking a step back. "You're gonna pull it tight like you're in the fucking mafia, aren't you?"

Ayame rolls her eyes, stepping closer anyway. "You're impossible. It's actually crooked, genius. Stay still."

Chan stays frozen, watching her fingers deftly adjust the knot. She works quickly, her eyes focused, and he feels the warmth of her hands brushing against his chest through the fabric of his shirt. When she steps back, she tilts her head, inspecting her handiwork.

"There. Fixed," she says, satisfied.

"No attempted strangulation?" Chan teases, his voice low, as his hands move to rest lightly on her arms.

Ayame smirks up at him. "Nope. I need you alive for later. Dead men can't do all the things I'm imagining right now."

Chan barks out a laugh, his grip on her arms tightening slightly. "No more discount Chan?"

Ayame shakes her head, her smirk softening into something more genuine. "Nope. I prefer the real thing."

Chan's grin falters for a moment as something warm flickers in his gaze. His eyes flicker down to her dress, lingering for a beat before he meets her eyes again. "You look gorgeous in this, by the way. It matches your eyes."

Ayame blinks, caught off guard by the sudden sincerity in his tone. She's about to reply when a high-pitched, cheerful voice cuts through the moment.

"Chris!"

They both turn toward the source, and a petite, elegant woman strides toward them. She's dressed in a form-fitting navy dress, her dark hair swept into an effortless updo. Her face lights up as she closes the distance, pulling Chan into a tight hug.

"Hi, Ma," Chan greets, his voice softer as he wraps an arm around her.

"You made it!" Jess exclaims, pulling back slightly to pat his cheek. "You didn't even text me when you got here, you brat."

"I got distracted," Chan says, glancing at Ayame with a sheepish grin.

Jess follows his gaze, her eyes landing on Ayame. Her smile widens instantly. "Oh! And who's this?"

Ayame steps forward, extending her hand. "I'm Ayame. It's so nice to meet you, Dr. Bang."

Jess waves off the title with a laugh. "Oh, call me Jess, please. 'Dr. Bang' makes me sound like I'm about to perform a colonoscopy. And finally, I get to meet you!" Jess takes Ayame's hands in hers, her grip warm and firm. "She's just adorable, Chris. I'm keeping her. Forever."

Ayame lets out a nervous laugh, glancing at Chan. He's grinning like the Cheshire Cat, clearly enjoying her flustered reaction. "Uh, thanks. That's very... sweet."

"Sweet, smart, beautiful," Jess says, tilting her head as she examines Ayame with the precision of a seasoned surgeon. "What else am I missing?"

"I'm really good at Mario Kart," Ayame offers weakly.

Jess laughs, delighted. "Oh, I like her, Chris. I like her so much."

Chan shrugs, his voice laced with amusement. "Told you she was a catch."

Jess glances between them, her smile growing sly. "Well, don't just stand here. The rest of the family is going to love her."

"Oh no," Ayame mutters under her breath, shooting a glare at Chan who smirks. "You set me up."

The snow drifts softly down, landing on Ayame's hair and shoulders as she adjusts her green dress. Sitting next to Chan in the front row, she sneaks a glance at his father, Jack, whose expression is as cold as the weather. Jess sits on Chan's other side, beaming, a stark contrast to her husband's stone-like demeanour.

Jack leans over, his voice low and sharp. "Didn't think you'd show up. Not after the last time."

Chan's jaw tightens, but before he can respond, Jess places a gentle hand on her husband's arm. "Jack," she says brightly, deflecting. "This is Ayame, Chris's date."

Jack's gaze shifts to Ayame, scanning her from head to toe with a barely concealed frown. "You look young," he says bluntly, before turning his attention back to the aisle as if she isn't worth another second.

Ayame blinks, momentarily stunned by the sheer audacity. She leans toward Chan, whispering, "Your dad makes you look like a fucking Care Bear."

Chan stifles a laugh, covering his mouth with his hand. "A Care Bear?"

"Yeah," Ayame murmurs, glancing at Jack. "But like... the kind that eats children in its free time."

Chan shakes with silent laughter, his shoulders vibrating against hers. "Stop," he hisses under his breath. "You're going to get me in trouble."

"You're already in trouble," Ayame replies smugly. "Might as well have fun while we're here."

The opening chords of the wedding march begin to play, drawing their attention to the aisle. Felix appears at the far end, his tailored black tuxedo fitting him like a glove. The lights reflect off his perfectly styled blonde hair, and his freckles give him a boyish charm that balances his sharp, sophisticated look.

Ayame leans toward Chan, her voice soft but teasing. "Your brother cleans up well. Too bad he's not single."

Chan gives her a sidelong glance. "Don't even think about it, shortcake. He's a good guy. You'd ruin him."

Ayame pretends to sigh dramatically. "Damn. There goes my chance at happiness."

"Play some Bonnie Tyler," Chan mutters. "Where have all the good men gone?"

Ayame snickers, biting her lip to keep from laughing too loudly.

The flower girl starts down the aisle, her tiny hands flinging petals with wild abandon. Half of them don't even land on the aisle, but her determined expression earns her a collective "aww" from the crowd.

"She's adorable," Ayame whispers, her tone genuinely warm.

"Not as adorable as you freezing your ass off," Chan retorts, noticing her arms crossed tightly against the chill.

"I'm fine," Ayame insists, her teeth chattering faintly. "You wanted me to wear this dress because it's booby, so I'm toughing it out."

Chan doesn't reply with words. Instead, he wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. The warmth of his body seeps through her thin dress, and Ayame allows herself to lean into him slightly, though she refuses to admit it feels good.

"Better?" he asks, smirking.

"Shut up," she mutters, though her lips twitch upward.

As Soojin appears at the end of the aisle, Ayame's attention shifts. The bride is radiant in a sparkling white gown that hugs her figure before flaring into a dramatic train. Her glossy hair and flawless makeup scream perfection, and Felix's expression lights up with pure adoration as she approaches.

Jess dabs at her eyes with a tissue, whispering, "She looks so beautiful."

"She does," Ayame agrees, then leans toward Chan, her voice low. "But, uh, has she got lip fillers?"

Chan doesn't miss a beat. "And Botox. Half her face is frozen. She's had everything done—lips, jawline, cheekbones. Her face is worth more than my car. Probably wouldn't even dent if she was shot out of a cannon into a tree."

Ayame chokes back a laugh, covering her mouth with her hand. "You're such a gossip."

"Stick with me, shortcake," Chan replies, his tone light. "There's plenty more where that came from."

As the ceremony begins, Ayame shifts in her seat, trying to stay warm and interested. Chan notices her restlessness and leans closer. "Bored already?"

"I thought weddings were supposed to be fun," Ayame mutters, glancing at him.

Chan smirks. "Not when my father and Soojin's father paid for it, and her mom planned the whole thing. That woman has the personality of unbuttered toast."

Ayame grins, leaning into him slightly. "I like this side of you—the honest, slightly bitter Chan. Feels real."

He chuckles, his thumb brushing her shoulder absentmindedly. "Stick around, and you'll see all my sides."

As Felix and Soojin exchange their vows, Ayame tilts her head, watching the scene unfold. Despite her usual cynicism, she feels a small tug at her heart. She glances at Chan, who's watching his brother with quiet pride.

"I bet you'd make a good groom," she whispers, the words slipping out before she can stop them.

Chan's gaze flicks to her, his smirk softening into something gentler. "Maybe. But I think I'd need a pretty great partner for that."

Ayame raises an eyebrow, her lips twitching. "Good luck finding one."

Chan grins, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Oh, I think I'm on the right track."

Ayame stands by the bar, clutching an empty champagne flute in one hand. A waiter glides past, and with the precision of a seasoned wedding attendee, she snags a fresh glass of champagne. She barely raises it to her lips when a voice slices through the pleasant hum of the reception.

"Felix's family is driving me fucking insane. Please tell me you have a joint hidden somewhere."

Ayame turns to see Soojin, the bride herself, standing next to her. She's stunning, of course, with her gown catching the light like a goddamn diamond commercial. But there's a sharpness in her gaze and a mischievous curl to her lips that Ayame immediately respects.

"Oh, I fucking wish," Ayame replies, a grin tugging at her mouth.

Soojin sighs dramatically, leaning against the bar like a damsel in distress. "Meth, then? Rat poison? Any controlled substance to get me through another conversation with Dr. Jack Bang."

Ayame laughs, shaking her head. "Sorry to disappoint. Just champagne over here."

Soojin clicks her tongue. "Ugh, you're so boring. But thanks for not lying to me. Everyone else keeps telling me how perfect everything is. Even my mother-in-law is acting like I didn't veto half her ideas."

Ayame chuckles. "It's a beautiful wedding, though."

Soojin waves her off, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, thanks. I had to threaten the florist's firstborn to make it happen, but sure. Anyway, you're Ayame, right?"

Ayame freezes for half a second but nods, holding her glass a little tighter. "That's me."

Soojin gives her a knowing look, her smile widening. "I've been dying to meet you. Felix keeps saying you're the reason Chris actually showed up today."

Ayame blinks, caught off guard. "I'm pretty sure that's not true."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure it is," Soojin replies, leaning in slightly, her voice dropping conspiratorially. "Chris doesn't come to family stuff unless someone drags him there. And, babe, you've got 'dragged him here' written all over you."

Ayame forces a small laugh, unsure of how to respond. "Well, I guess I'm doing my part."

Soojin's gaze sharpens, her smile turning sly. "Worked out for the best, though, right? I mean, Chris and I were never a good match."

Ayame's brain stalls. "Sorry—what?"

Soojin tilts her head, her expression turning playful. "Oh my god. He didn't tell you, did he? Chris and I dated for, like, a year."

Ayame's stomach flips. "A year?" she echoes, her voice carefully neutral.

Soojin nods, laughing lightly. "Yeah, back when Felix and I were just friends. Honestly, Chris and I never really clicked. It was always... I don't know, surface-level? But Felix? We just made sense in every way. Once we figured that out, everything fell into place."

Ayame stares at her, every muscle in her body tightening. "Huh," she says, her voice dry. "Imagine that."

"And you're only twenty-five, right?" Soojin adds, her tone too casual to be anything but pointed.

Ayame's nails dig into the stem of her glass. "That's right."

Soojin leans back, her smile softening. "Well, you've done a great job, you know. Keeping Chris grounded. That's not easy. Anyway, I should go mingle before Jess notices I'm avoiding her. It was nice meeting you."

Before Ayame can respond, Soojin drifts off, radiant and carefree, leaving Ayame standing alone by the bar with a hollow feeling in her chest.

She glances across the room and locks eyes with Chan. He's standing with Jess and Felix, mid-laugh, but the moment their gazes meet, his expression shifts. His smile falters, and his eyes widen slightly as he notices Soojin walking away from Ayame.

Ayame lifts her glass in mock salute before draining it in one go, the champagne burning its way down her throat. She waves down a passing waiter, holding up her empty glass. "Another, please," she snaps, her voice sharper than she intends.

Chan starts to step toward her but hesitates, caught by Jess's hand on his arm. He looks back at Ayame, concern flickering across his face, but she's already downing her second glass like it's water.

The waiter returns with a third, and Ayame takes it without hesitation. Her hand shakes slightly as she raises it to her lips. "Cheers," she mutters bitterly, her voice low. "To clarity. And fucking chaos."

The cold bites at Ayame's exposed arms as she leans against the railing at the lookout point, staring blankly over the snowy landscape. The lodge, surrounded by towering pines and draped in white, looks like something out of a postcard. But Ayame doesn't feel the magic. Her dress is useless against the biting chill, yet going back inside feels impossible—too many fake smiles and polite conversations waiting to swallow her whole.

Behind her, the crunch of footsteps through the snow breaks the stillness. Ayame doesn't turn, her jaw tightening as the sound draws closer. She knows who it is before she hears his voice.

"You're going to freeze your ass off, shortcake," Chan says, shrugging off his coat and draping it over her shoulders.

Ayame pulls the coat tight around herself, but she doesn't look at him. "Who let you off your leash? Did your family even notice you left?"

Chan leans against the railing beside her, hands shoved into his pockets. "Not yet. What are you doing out here in nothing but a dress? Trying to test your limits?"

She shrugs, keeping her gaze fixed on the distant treeline. "Needed some air. People in there talk too much."

"Pot, meet kettle," Chan teases gently. "You're the queen of running your mouth."

"Yeah, but I'm funny," Ayame shoots back. "Everyone else in there just wants to talk about how the napkins match the floral arrangements."

Chan chuckles under his breath. "Fair point."

For a moment, neither of them says anything. The silence between them is heavier than the snow falling softly around them. Finally, Ayame breaks it, her voice quieter now.

"Is she the reason you brought me here?" she asks, not meeting his gaze.

Chan straightens slightly, frowning. "What are you talking about?"

"Soojin," Ayame clarifies, turning to face him at last. "Did you bring me here because of her? Because you wanted to rub it in her face or something?"

His brow furrows, confusion giving way to something softer. "No. No, Ayame, I brought you here because I wanted you here. That's it."

She narrows her eyes at him, the corners of her mouth pulling down. "Then why the fuck didn't you tell me about her?"

Chan exhales, the cloud of his breath disappearing into the cold air. "Because I didn't think it mattered anymore. And honestly? I didn't want to talk about it. It's embarrassing."

"Embarrassing?" Ayame echoes, incredulous. "You didn't cheat, Chan. You didn't dump her for her sibling. You're the one who got fucked over."

He looks away, his jaw tightening. "Yeah, but telling people about it makes it real, you know? And everyone already sees Felix as perfect. I didn't need another reason to feel like the failure in the family."

Ayame studies him for a long moment, her irritation softening into something more empathetic. "Chan, your brother might be the golden child, but he's got freckles of deceit."

A startled laugh escapes Chan, and he turns to her, his smirk returning. "Freckles of deceit?"

"Yup." Ayame nods solemnly. "And Soojin? Fake lips, fake ass, fake personality."

Chan huffs a laugh, shaking his head. "You don't hold back, do you?"

"Not when I'm right," she replies, lifting her chin. "Which is all the time."

He leans on the railing again, looking out over the snow. "You're not wrong. It's just hard seeing them together. Like, it shouldn't bother me anymore, but it does."

"Of course it does," Ayame says, her tone softening. "You're not a robot. Today sucks for you."

Chan glances at her, his lips quirking into a small smile. "It sucks less with you here."

She grins, linking her arm through his. "Damn right. Now, let's go find some booze. I'm pretty sure champagne is the only thing keeping this family reunion bearable."

Chan laughs, shaking his head. "I'll drink to that."

As they turn back toward the lodge, Ayame glances up at him, her sly grin returning. "Oh, and just so you know, apparently I'm your 'younger model.' That's what everyone in there is calling me."

Chan snorts, his shoulders shaking. "Figures. You're way cuter than Soojin, though."

"Damn straight," Ayame says, nudging him playfully.

Together, Ayame and Chan walk back into the reception hall. The warm glow of the lights and soft hum of laughter and conversation fill the air. Jess spots them almost immediately, her warm smile shifting to mild curiosity.

"Oh, where have you two been?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Outside," Chan says smoothly, snagging two champagne flutes from a passing waiter and handing one to Ayame. His movements are so casual, so practiced, it's almost infuriating. "Needed some fresh air."

Jess's eyes narrow slightly as she looks between them, her maternal instincts clearly on high alert, but she decides to let it slide. She turns back to Jack, who's deep in conversation with Felix. However, Jack, ever the hawk, zeroes in on Ayame.

"Ayame," Jack says, his voice carrying just enough bite to make it clear he's baiting her. "When you first met Chris, what did you think?"

Ayame tilts her head to the side, feigning a moment of thoughtful consideration. Then, with a sweet smile that could cut glass, she says, "Hmm. I thought he was very good-looking, cold, domineering, and freakishly uptight."

Jack lets out a sharp laugh, clearly not expecting the jab. "I thought you needed ambition to be domineering."

"Jack," Jess snaps, shooting her husband a glare that could freeze fire.

"I'm kidding," Jack says with a faint smirk, though the edge in his tone remains.

Chan, leaning casually against the bar beside Ayame, grins. "For the record, I thought Ayame was very smart, but also a spineless kiss-ass."

Ayame gasps, mock-offended. "Excuse me?"

"It's true," Chan replies, raising his champagne glass with a wink. "It was hate at first sight."

Ayame shakes her head, raising her glass to meet his. "Cheers to that."

"Cheers," Chan echoes, clinking his glass against hers.

Felix approaches their small group, tapping Jack on the shoulder. "Dad, it's time for the speech."

Jack nods, standing and adjusting his tie. "Speech time, huh? Your mother wrote me some notes, but I think I'll just wing it."

"Oh, god," Chan mutters under his breath, dragging a hand down his face. "Lord give us all fucking strength"

Ayame leans in closer to him, her voice low. "Is this going to be bad?"

"Buckle up, shortcake," he whispers. "This is going to be a fucking ride."

Jack steps into the centre of the room, clearing his throat as the murmuring dies down. "I always expected great things from my son," he begins, his voice carrying a note of formality. "And he has never disappointed me. He excelled in med school and has become a truly remarkable physician. It's been an honour to watch him grow into the man he is today. A son any father would be proud of."

Ayame feels Chan's hand brush against hers, and she glances at him. His face is impassive, but his grip tightens slightly when she laces her fingers through his.

Jack continues, his voice warming slightly. "But of all the decisions Felix has made, marrying Soojin is easily the best. She's the perfect complement to him, and I couldn't ask for a better addition to this family."

The applause is polite but warm as Jack steps back, raising his glass toward the couple. Soojin beams, clutching Felix's hand tightly, but Ayame doesn't miss the way Chan's jaw tightens.

As the crowd disperses to mingle again, Chan leans down and murmurs, "Cover for me."

Ayame nods, watching him slip out of the room. She weaves through the guests until she ends up by the massive Christmas tree in the lodge lobby. The soft glow of the lights reflects off the ornaments, giving the scene a picture-perfect holiday feel.

Jess approaches with a knowing smile. "Hi, dear. Have you seen Chris?"

Ayame doesn't even flinch, smoothly lying through her teeth. "He went to find some painkillers. Said he had a headache."

Jess sighs, shaking her head. "That speech probably didn't help. Jack should've just stuck to my prepared remarks."

Ayame offers a sympathetic smile. "He did seem... off-script."

Jess laughs softly, stepping closer. "I'm glad you're here, Ayame. Chris has been talking about you for months."

Ayame blinks, caught off guard. "Months?"

Jess nods, her expression softening. "He says you drive him crazy—in a good way. That you challenge him like no one else does. I think taking that job at the publishing house might've been the best thing he ever did. And meeting you? That's probably the second-best."

Ayame's cheeks flush, and she ducks her head, unsure of how to respond. Before she can, Felix appears, grinning.

"You made it through the speech," he says lightly. Then his eyes flick to Ayame. "Ayame, you look much better."

Ayame narrows her eyes at him. "You prescribed me banana antibiotics."

Felix chuckles, raising his hands in mock surrender. "Hey, it was effective, wasn't it?"

"I almost puked on my friend," Ayame counters dryly.

Jess places a hand on Felix's arm. "I need to get back inside before your father has another drink and starts telling everyone about his college days."

Ayame leans against the sturdy wooden post beside the massive Christmas tree, her champagne flute dangling from her fingertips. Felix stands beside her, his blonde hair catching the soft glow of the tree's twinkling lights. Outside, snow drifts lazily against the frosted glass windows, painting the lodge in a serene winter wonderland scene.

The silence between them stretches, comfortable but fragile, until Felix clears his throat and asks, "Do you think badly of me now?"

Ayame doesn't answer immediately. Instead, she stares into her champagne, her lips curving into a wry smile. "Freckles of deceit," she says dryly, tilting her head to look at him. "Blonde hair of betrayal. And that stupid Disney Prince face? Designed purely to deceive."

Felix lets out a laugh, the sound warm and genuine. "Fair enough. But in my defence, I didn't exactly plan for everything to happen the way it did."

"Oh, no?" Ayame drawls, turning to face him fully now, her expression sharp but not unkind. "Did you just accidentally fall into your brother's girlfriend? Was it a slip-and-slide situation?"

Felix winces, rubbing the back of his neck. "Ouch. Okay, I deserve that."

Ayame crosses her arms, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, you do."

He exhales, his breath fogging slightly in the chilly air of the lobby. "Look, I know I'm the asshole in this story, but... it wasn't what you think. Soojin and Chris weren't happy together. She was already halfway out the door when we- When it happened."

Ayame stares at him for a long moment, her face unreadable. "Halfway out the door doesn't mean you push her the rest of the way."

Felix opens his mouth to argue but stops, instead nodding slowly. "You're right."

"Damn right, I am," Ayame mutters, taking the last sip of her champagne and setting the glass down on a nearby table.

Felix watches her, a small, almost sad smile playing on his lips. "You're good for him, you know."

Ayame snorts, rolling her eyes. "Oh, yeah? What makes you think that?"

"I'm serious," Felix says, his tone earnest now. "I've never seen Chris like this. He's lighter, even when he's being an uptight bastard. It's like you've... balanced him out somehow."

"Balanced him out?" Ayame echoes, her voice tinged with disbelief. "You do realize most of our dynamic is me pissing him off, right?"

Felix laughs again, his dimples on full display. "Exactly. He needs that. Someone to challenge him. Chris is so used to being the one in control, the one everyone looks up to. You don't give a shit about any of that. You treat him like he's just... him."

Ayame's teasing expression falters for a moment, her gaze softening. "Huh," she says quietly, more to herself than to Felix.

Felix smiles, offering her his arm. "Come on, let's get back in there before my mother sends out a search party. You don't want to see her in full panic mode."

Ayame hesitates for a beat before slipping her arm through his, her fingers brushing lightly against the soft fabric of his tuxedo jacket. "Fine," she mutters, shaking her head. "But you still have to live with the fact that I'll never let you forget this. Ever."

"Fair trade," Felix replies, grinning as he leads her back toward the reception room. "But for the record, you might be my new favourite person. Don't tell my wife."

Ayame snorts, smirking. "Don't worry. She'd never believe you anyway."

As Ayame and Felix step into the wedding reception, the tension in the air is suffocating. Jack's voice, sharp and full of venom, cuts across the room, silencing the low murmur of conversation.

"An MBA," Jack sneers, standing tall and imperious, "and you're wasting your days running errands and playing house with some younger tramp who flaunts her tits like that makes up for her lack of brains."

Ayame's champagne flute trembles in her hand as her grip tightens. The crystal stem threatens to snap. Beside her, Felix winces, muttering, "I am so fucking sorry for him."

"It's fine," Ayame says tightly, though the edge in her voice suggests otherwise. "We aren't our parents."

Across the room, Jess places a hand on Jack's arm, her face pinched with frustration. "Jack," she says, her voice low but firm, "maybe you should take a walk before you say something you regret."

"I don't regret anything," Jack replies coldly, brushing her off.

And then Chan speaks, his tone calm but deadly sharp. "You do not talk about Ayame like that."

Jack scoffs, his disdain palpable. "Christopher, if you're content wasting your life, that's your problem. But let's not pretend you've made anything of yourself. If you don't want to be a doctor, at least have the decency to do something marginally noble."

Ayame steps forward, her heels clicking against the floor like a countdown to detonation. She narrows her eyes, her posture rigid as she stares Jack down. "You don't think publishing is noble?" she challenges, her voice loud enough to draw the attention of several nearby guests. "Contributing to culture? Creating stories that change lives?"

Jack barely looks at her, his lips curling in disdain. "I don't think your boy is making books, sweetheart. I think he's fetching coffee for somebody who is."

Ayame's jaw clenches, her fists curling at her sides. "Do not call me sweetheart," she says, her tone icy.

Jack finally turns to her, his gaze sweeping over her like she's insignificant. "And what are you going to do about it? You're just his young slut, flaunting your body to get places. You think you belong here?"

Chan's hand slams against the table, the sound reverberating through the room. Guests flinch, and Jess's eyes widen in shock. "Enough! You do not talk to her like that."

"Chan, it's fine," Ayame says, her voice low but steady, though her eyes blaze with fury. She places a hand on his arm, stopping him before he can escalate further. "Really. It's fine."

Chan turns to her, his expression conflicted, but Ayame shakes her head, gently pulling his hand away. She steps forward, squaring her shoulders and addressing Jack directly.

"You clearly know nothing about your son," she says, her voice calm but cutting. "So let me fill you in real quick."

"Ayame—" Chan starts, his voice softer now, but she cuts him off with a look.

"No, Chan," she says firmly. "He needs to hear this."

The room is holding its collective breath as Ayame sweeps her gaze around the gathered guests. "I'm sorry for the interruption," she says with mock politeness. "I actually like most of you. Really, you've been lovely. But this fucking guy?" She points a perfectly manicured finger at Jack. "He's a fucking dick."

Felix lets out a loud, unfiltered snort into his champagne, and Soojin quickly hides her laugh behind her hand, her shoulders shaking.

Jess covers her mouth, torn between horror and amusement, while Jack's face turns an alarming shade of red.

Ayame takes a step closer to Jack, her chin tilting up defiantly. "Chan has more integrity, more grit, and more brains in his little finger than you've ever had. You think he's wasting his life? Newsflash, your perfect little surgeon golden boy over there-" She gestures to Felix, who raises his glass with a sheepish grin. "-spent years following your orders, and you know what? Even he thinks you're full of shit."

"Ayame," Felix mutters, his tone half-warning, half-impressed.

Ayame squares her shoulders, her voice cutting through the murmurs in the room. "Chan's boss, who is CEO in title only, is a sleazy prick who can't even tie his own shoelaces without fucking it up. Chan runs that place. Actually, we both do."

A collective gasp ripples through the room, but Ayame doesn't flinch. She holds Jack's gaze, unrelenting. "The only reason L&M didn't go up in flames after the merger is because Chan oversaw a reduction of the workforce by- What was it?" She glances at Chan for confirmation.

Chan raises three fingers on one hand and five on the other.

"Fifty-three percent?" Ayame guesses, quirking an eyebrow.

Chan shakes his head, barely containing his amusement. "Thirty-five."

"Thirty-five percent," Ayame corrects herself, smirking. "Like I said, the whole time. Because I don't make mistakes. And because of that, over two hundred people kept their jobs. Two hundred families didn't lose their livelihoods. But yeah, Jack, he's not a doctor. Who the fuck cares?"

Felix snorts, turning away to hide his laughter. Soojin elbows him, her lips twitching as she tries not to grin. An elderly woman nearby gasps audibly, clutching her pearls like they're the only thing keeping her upright.

Ayame steps closer to Jack, her heels clicking sharply against the floor. "Here's what you don't get, Mr. Bang. Chan is smart. He's relentless. He's made me better at my job because I've had to compete with him every single day. He's the reason L&M didn't implode. He's the reason people still have jobs. And the fact that you can't see that your son is fucking amazing is... sad. Honestly, it's pathetic."

Jack opens his mouth to speak, but Ayame cuts him off, raising a finger. "And another thing, your whole dismissive attitude? The 'tramp' comments? It says a lot more about you than it does about me. And for the record, I flaunt my tits because they're fucking amazing, not to impress any man."

The elderly woman gasps again, louder this time, as if the weight of Ayame's words has knocked the air right out of her. Jess presses a hand to her mouth, her eyes sparkling with barely concealed laughter as Chan grins widely.

Ayame turns to Soojin and Felix, her tone suddenly lighter. "Anyway, congratulations to the happy couple. You both look stunning."

She pivots back to Jack, her smile disappearing. "And as for you? Fuck you, Mr. Bang. Fuck your outdated, arrogant opinions. Chan, let's go home."

Chan, who has been watching with an expression of unrestrained delight, grins even wider. "Best idea I've heard all day."

He steps up beside Ayame, slipping his hand around her waist as they turn to leave. Ayame pauses, glancing at Jess. Her expression softens as she says, "Jess, it was lovely meeting you."

Jess steps forward, cupping Ayame's face and planting a warm kiss on her cheek. "You too, darling. You're always welcome in our home. Well, mine, at least."

"Thank you," Ayame says, her voice sincere.

Jess turns to her son, her expression firm but loving. "Chris, call me later. I'm serious."

"Will do, Ma," Chan replies, grinning.

As they make their way toward the door, Felix raises his champagne glass, his voice loud and clear. "To Ayame. The best thing to ever happen to this wedding."

"To Ayame!" Soojin echoes, laughing as she clinks glasses with Felix.

Ayame glances back at the room one last time, catching Jack's stunned expression and Jess's knowing smile. She smirks, tilting her head toward Chan. "Ready to go?"

"Absolutely," Chan says, his arm tightening around her waist as they step out into the snowy afternoon.

Ayame links her arm through Chan's as they stride quickly out of the reception hall. The chilly afternoon air bites at her exposed skin, but the sting is nothing compared to the rush of adrenaline still surging through her. She glances back over her shoulder, cheeks flushed. "Oh my god, everyone was staring."

"You almost killed my aunt," Chan says with a teasing lilt, his voice vibrating with amusement. "She was clutching her pearls so hard I thought they'd snap."

Ayame groans, rolling her eyes. "I am so sorry. Truly, I didn't mean to give her a heart attack."

Chan laughs, his dimples deepening, making him look far younger than thirty. "Don't be. That was fucking brilliant, Lim Ayame. I'm actually mad I didn't record it. You verbally annihilated my father in front of all those people."

Ayame glares at him, tugging him forward. "Walk faster, people are staring!"

Chan slows deliberately, grinning. "Let them stare. You just delivered the speech of the century. Might as well bask in it."

"No, no, no," Ayame mutters. "I don't want them looking. I want to disappear. This is mortifying."

Chan's hand tightens gently around her arm, his tone soft but insistent. "Stop caring what people think, shortcake. They don't matter."

Ayame shoots him a deadpan look. "I can't help it. It's a disease. People-pleasing disorder."

"You need an antidote," Chan says, laughing as they reach his car. "Come on, hop in."

Ayame slides into the passenger seat with a dramatic sigh, crossing her legs and smoothing her dress. "I should be banned from weddings."

Chan slides in beside her, adjusts his mirrors, and starts the car. "If anything, you should be invited to more of them. You made that wedding memorable."

As they pull out of the snowy parking lot, Chan reaches over, resting his hand on Ayame's bare thigh. His fingers are warm, his thumb tracing slow circles against her skin. The motion sends a shiver up her spine, though she doesn't let it show.

"You're going to kill me," Ayame mutters, staring pointedly at his hand.

Chan smirks, his eyes focused on the road. "Oh, relax. It's just a hand."

"It's your hand," Ayame shoots back, her voice sharper than she intends. "There's nothing casual about it."

Chan's grin widens, his thumb pressing slightly harder. "You're dramatic, you know that?"

"Hmm, says the man who smirks like he's the villain in a K-drama," Ayame counters, resting her elbow on the door and staring out at the falling snow.

Chan chuckles. "So, what now?"

"Naked time," Ayame says matter-of-factly, glancing at him from the corner of her eye.

Chan barks out a laugh, his head falling back briefly before he focuses on the road again. "After naked time?"

Ayame pretends to think. "Rehydration? I don't know. Maybe we can solve world hunger if we're feeling ambitious."

Chan glances at her, his tone growing quieter, more serious. "Ayame, I've had a lot of women tell me I'm not the kind of guy you settle down with."

Ayame freezes for a moment, caught off guard by the shift in tone. "Is this where I start playing the tiny violin?"

Chan exhales, his hand pausing its motion on her thigh. "What I'm saying is, I'm not that guy to most people. But I want to be."

Ayame blinks, her gaze softening as she studies his profile. "You think that's what I'm doing? Just fucking around with you until I find someone else?"

Chan shrugs, his jaw tight. "I don't know. But I hope not."

She shifts in her seat, turning to face him more fully. "Bang Chan, you are a puzzle. One minute, you're shoving me into closets and pissing me off. The next, you're saying shit like this."

Chan glances at her, his expression lighter now, teasing. "Closets were your idea, by the way."

Ayame huffs out a laugh, rolling her eyes. "Whatever."

They fall into a comfortable silence for a moment, the tension between them easing slightly. Then Ayame sits up straighter, pointing out the window. "Drive-through. Coffee. Now."

Chan raises an eyebrow, smirking. "Bossy."

Ayame smirks back. "Damn right. You're paying, by the way."

Chan shakes his head, laughing as he steers the car toward the drive-through. "Anything else?"

"Maybe," Ayame says, her voice light but laced with mischief. "Depends on how good the whipped cream is."

Chan laughs, the sound warm and full as they roll up to the menu board. Outside, the snow falls in thick, lazy flakes, but inside the car, the world feels a little brighter, a little warmer, and infinitely more charged.

Taglist: @fackeraccount @ot8girlfie @nightmarenyxx @reimaybeidk

@ismelllikechlorine247 @drewsandsebastianswife @my-neurodivergent-world @rhonnie23 @hanji-coffee

@skzleeknowcore

[journey-to-the-attic]

alright so i've just spent most of the morning catching up with nb s3 so here are my thoughts immediately in retrospect (spoilers of course)

it became very clear with the last few lessons that the writers either were on crunch time to round things up (most likely) or just could not give a shit (feels less likely, and i want to have more faith than that in them)

so i guess we're never going to find out what nightbringer's deal was? or what he meant by sending mc back in time to find happiness?

or what that prophecy was about

or how nightbringer 'made solomon the man he is'

or why barbatos was so mysteriously knowing in the opening movie, as if he had something to do with the time thing

or what the deal is with michael

story ended before we could date thirteen :(

not really to do with s3 but i wonder if they ever intended to have mc make pacts with diavolo or barbatos

thirteen and mephistopheles did not have arcs at all? there were some points where it felt like thirteen was deliberately excluded, even

raphael's arc is over so abruptly as well. he's anguished and distraught and then babel explodes but not really and he's completely fine again afterwards?

did not need lucifer to be in angel form for the master moment. and i feel like it would've hit harder for lucifer as a demon to break through the illusion anyway!!

it felt like there were so many cop-outs in general

rule of three: mc does fall from things three times in total but there doesn't seem to have been any real narrative reason for that

the last fall had a whole dramatic foreshadowing dream about it! but mc just has a brief vision and then it turns out lucifer caught them and everyone's fine

got real tired of the angel stuff.. the celestial realm's done a complete 360 in terms of its perception in the narrative and i'm really not a fan of it

simeon just. decides to keep being an angel. and it works??????

well it immediately turns him back to human apparently anyway

and the implication at the end is that he's just going to go back to being an angel, too, which... COME ON

i audibly went "oh ffs" at that part

i wasn't that mad at them just reversing the demon-simeon thing because i think the most interesting way to explore his character was to keep him human

then they kept going and i was like GUYS NO WAIT

the magical science is really frustrating because it's just close enough to real life science but a bit too hand-wavey about the magical mechanics to be interesting

beel gets done incredibly dirty in general - it felt like the majority his dialogue just continued to boil down to "i want food"

barbatos has basically nothing to do, which is crazy given the nature of nightbringer and his... you know... time powers

i really do not buy mc being totally fine after all of their exploits. surely there must be SOME physical repercussions even if they're so powerful?

the implication that the brothers are eventually going to figure out the time travel thing (and that diavolo already knows) interests me, but of course now we'll never know

the unwillingness to bring up any real conflict around mc's increasing power was really frustrating in general - couldn't the 'it does that to defend out of a manifestation of their kindness' thing have come after they genuinely struggled with it for a bit?

couldn't anyone have debated what they might have to do if mc became a danger to the devildom? because that angst could've been great

mc's magic in general isn't really handled well

the moon plot in lesson 60 felt like it was intended to be the big climax of s4, which was then hastily repurposed into the s3 finale when it was announced that the story wouldn't continue past there - it felt similar in vibe to the three-world-imbalance plotline of om s2, something that really needed a lot more time for both the build-up and fall-out

for a hot second i was convinced this was gonna be an atla 'my lover turned into the moon :/' thing but of course not

the premise of the moon plot was really good though! i can imagine a better planned season, with writers who actually had time, that could have done it really well!

the idea of 'the moon is in love with mc too' was a really funny plot point (/positive), kind of loved it

i genuinely didn't realise that the moon plot had been resolved until diavolo started making his science fair speech. i thought it had failed because mc and [demon brother] got blown up or something, and they'd have to try again

so for a good while i was just going "guys?? guys the moon? it's still coming? the big moon? it's gonna kill everyone ??"

i got excited by the chapter name 'the sleeping demon' because i thought the king was going to get involved, but it's just whichever brother you picked passing the fuck out after the moon explodes

there's a lot more routes in lesson 60 - almost certainly because they had to get in an obligatory end-of-season kiss with all the romanceables and couldn't fit them all

the generic references to 'he' and the lack of any dialogue from the other brothers during 'the sleeping demon' made it feel really stilted and awkward - i suppose they didn't have enough time to really tailor the dialogue to each brother, which is fair enough, but also the plot point of the brother passing out didn't feel necessary in the first place

if they needed a branching point to pick a brother for their obligatory kiss, they could've just had mc get moon blasted and then they can choose which brother is there when they wake up

they'd need a different plot point for the others after that, but it gets rid of the awkward references to a nameless 'he'

the thing that puzzles me is that seasons usually wrap up their big plots by the end anyway, but the pacing of the end of s3 feels like they were expecting to end at, like, lesson 70 instead - my best guess is that a pre-existing lesson 60 had to be modified to feel suitably end-game (brings me back to the idea that the moon plot was meant for a future season)

also i don't purport to know what's going on behind the scenes but at times it felt like they could have spent maybe ten more minutes adding a little more dialogue (the bonus story in lesson 60 comes to mind)

all in all... it's a weird place to end the story on. i probably still need to gather my actual feelings regarding that but right now i'm just kinda like "okay. huh. well nice knowing you guys i guess"

[crusherthedoctor]

Alright, I'm back. Not gonna go into any spoilers for now.

As expected, there's a lot of conflicting thoughts in my head that I'll need to really reflect on for a while before I can come anywhere close to a more concrete verdict. But for my very, very, VERY immediate first impressions overall… I'd say I was still able to enjoy it? Definitely preferred the second one for sure (cause of how awesome the Death Egg Robot was), but I figured that was gonna be the case anyway.

Yeah, the moments I was concerned about were… there. Some bothering me more overtly than others. But after seeing how they actually played out in the flesh... well, put it this way: Frontiers still infuriates me by a considerably wider margin. :P

Again, I'm definitely gonna need time to think about all the finer details in case my opinion radically shifts one way or the other over time with clarity, but for now… I think I'm alright with it overall, which considering I'm the guy who's known for being sick as fuck of anything that even vaguely resembles SA2 at this point (ESPECIALLY thanks to the Year of Shadow), I'll take what I can get lmao.

[hanatoumahi]

Nine Hundred Ninety-Nine Paper Cranes

Synopsis: Movie watching was a tradition that you and Jushiro have every Saturday. It was your turn that week, and your pick was The Notebook. “Will you be a bird with me?” Warning: Fluff, Angst, Modern AU, Spoilers for The Notebook, Ukitake is not terminally ill until later in his life, Established Relationship (Married), Death A/N: I watched The Notebook before writing this fic (it's been, like, two weeks since I've started). I'm sorry if it feels a little weird in some parts, December was a busy month for me and I kind of rushed this. This wasn't for Ukitake Week '24 originally, but I'll post it anyway since it does fit the theme (Day 7: Birthday)

WC: 6.5k (roughly, give or take a few)

August

“Say that I’m a bird!” Allie squealed, excitedly flapping her arms up and down. You had convinced Jushiro to watch The Notebook with you, a movie that he had avoided after hearing the “horror stories” about it. It was a warm Saturday night in August. You and Jushiro had a tradition of watching movies together; it was your turn tonight.You watch as Noah profusely says no until finally giving in,

“You are a bird.”

“Now say that you’re a bird, too.”

“If you’re a bird, I’m a bird,” he smiled before Allie pulled him close, kissing him with all the love in the world. You peek up at Jushiro who had his eyes laser-focused on the endearing scene before him. His arms were wrapped around your body, your back pressed against his chest and your head resting on the crook of his neck. You turn around, facing him with a cheeky grin on your face. He raises his brow, “What is it, love?”

Your grin grew wider, the corners of your lips reaching your eyes. Wriggling out of his arms, you face him, “Say that I’m a bird, Jushiro.”

Amused, he thoughtfully puts a finger on his chin, contemplating if he should play along, “What if I say no?”

“Say it!”

“No.” You gave him a look, earning you a chuckle from your lover, “You’re a bird,” he relents.

“Will you be a bird with me?”

“Of course, my love, why wouldn’t I be?” he replied, pressing a tender kiss on your forehead. You close your eyes and lean your forehead closer, relishing the comforting feeling. Satisfied, you wrapped his arms and continued to watch

By the time The Notebook end, both you and Jushiro were in tears. Him more than you, however.

“Never again! That was too sad, even for me!” Jushiro exclaimed, wiping his bleary eyes with his sleeves. You giggled, this wasn’t the first time you had watched The Notebook, but it was Jushiro’s so you came prepared with tissues. Unraveling yourself from the tangle of limbs you two were in, you sat on his lap facing him. Gently grasping his chin, you told him to close his eyes. They flutter shut as you softly padded the tissue over his damp face, you admired him quietly. His long white hair had been tied back in a low ponytail, and his bangs stuck on his face because of his tears but he looked beautiful all the same. “I’m done,” you say, throwing the crumpled tissue on the coffee table. He opens his eyes, looking up at you through his long lashes, “Thank you.”

You look at him for a moment, admiring him for a little longer before whispering, “I hope that we can grow old together like that, too,” as you cradle his face in your palms. The warmth of your hands against his cold face made him melt into your touch. He buried his face into your hand. Kissing your palm, he replied:

“I as well, my love.”

You stared at each other, smiling stupidly. He twitched, an indicator that a fit was about to occur. Jushiro readied his elbow; violent, dry coughing soon followed, shaking your husband’s body. Climbing out of his lap, you walk into the kitchen to fetch him a glass. Casting a concerned glance his way, you brush his white hair out of his face and give him the water. At first, you both thought that it was just a cough, but now it had been weeks and the cough only turn nastier. He call off from work for a few weeks, and yet, he still wasn’t getting any better, “We should get this checked out.”

“Mmm, I’m sure it’s nothing. It’s just a cough, I’ll be better soon,” he smiled reassuringly, sipping his water before reaching over to set it down on the table.

“Still, I’m worried.”

“If it sets your mind at ease, we can schedule an appointment tomorrow.”

Satisfied with his answer, you bury yourself under his arms once more. Just as you reach for the remote, Jushiro’s hand snatches it away from your grasp.

“Hey!”

“This time I’m choosing!”

That following Sunday, you had driven him to his doctor’s office, not trusting the state your husband was in to drive. You remember that day clearly. It was sunny, but not too hot. The birds chirp and tweet in delight–there was a sweetness to the air. The kind that, when you take a deep breath and exhale, leaves you a giddy feeling knowing that summer is here.

“You fret too much, love. I can drive just fine,” Jushiro said as you two walked into the clinic.

You looked at him incredulously, “With how you’re coughing, you’re lucky I haven’t wrapped you in bubble wrap!”

He shook his head while smiling, “You worry too much.”

November

That was August. It was November now, and months had gone by without incident. The doctors weren’t able to decisively diagnose him, they noted that it was most likely some fibrosis-related issue. However, since Jushiro seemed fine, aside from the coughing, they couldn’t do much besides prescribe some antibiotics and puff medicine. At the very least, the medicine was working effectively, so life moved on as usual.

“Oh, look! It’s snowing outside!”

“Wow, the snow’s come early this year. Do you think I could go outside?”

“I don’t know, Jushiro. You might catch a cold,” you reply, biting your lip. You knew he dearly loved the snow, and depriving him of it made you feel bad.

“I think I can weather a cold just fine,” he jokes.

“Oka–Hey!” you yelp, a snowball narrowly missing your cheek.

“Sorry!” he laughed, readying another snowball before aiming.

“That’s not fair! You had a headstart!” you scream, dashing behind the car for protection. You crouch and start packing snow into a tight ball, you peer around the corner to get a better view. But to your surprise, he wasn’t where you thought he was. Confused, you stand up and carefully round the corner slowly. Hoping to keep your element of surprise.

A loud cough cracks through the quiet air like a whip, causing you to snap your head up.

“Jushiro!” spotting him kneeling in the snow, “Let’s get you inside.” You shoulder his weight, he leans onto your smaller frame for support causing you to stagger. His thin arms dug into the side of your ribs, causing you to cringe in pain.

“S-sorry,” he wheezes, stabilizing his footing as the two of you trudge through the snow.

“We need to get you out of those clothes now.”

Hurrying into your house, you lead Jushiro into your living room, “Stay here, I’ll get you new clothing,” you yell, dashing out of the room. Throwing your closet doors open, you grab an armful of thick sweaters and a change of pants.

“No more snow for you, Mister,” you jest, attempting to lighten the mood. Lifting the hem of his sweater, you wipe his back with a hand towel.

“Oh,” he rasps, “I’ll be fine, love—A little snow can’t hurt.”

“Lay with me?”

Without saying a word, you crawl into bed and curl up next to him.

A loud, crackling cough startled you awake the following morning. You sit up and whip your head towards Jushiro, who lay beside you. His complexion was paler, and beads of sweat ran down his cheek.

“I don’t… feel too good…” Jushiro croak weakly, his voice gravelly and low. Your stomach dropp, Did he have a fever? Putting the back of your hand against his temple, He was burning. jumping out of b you grabb the thermometer in your nightstand’s drawer. You brush his bangs to the side and hover the thermometer gun over his forehead.

Beep. Beep.

You stare at the screen, waiting for the results to load.

… It read 40° C.

Fuck.

“We need to get you to the hospital,” sitting Jushiro up. His back was drenched with sweat, leaving a large, dark stain on the b.

You help him into another change of clothes, careful to layer him.

Locking the front door, you shuffle Jushiro to your car.

“Pneumonia.”

You watch as the assistant nurse clicks-clack away at the doctor’s diagnosis.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Ukitake. He’ll need to stay in the hospital so we can monitor his condition. He’ll be transferred to one of our private rooms as soon as possible.”

Though you nod, you can feel your heart break a little. You didn’t want to be away from him no matter what.

“Should his condition worsen,” the doctor began slowly, “He’ll need assisted breathing, that is one of your options if you want it.”

Jushiro squeezes your hand, you were met with his smile when you turn to him, “Thank you, I’ll talk to my wife about it.”

”I’ll leave you two to talk then,” the doctor replies, making eye contact with the nurse as he nods to the door. She reciprocates his nod and finishes up the last of her documentation.

You turn to Jushiro as soon as the two leave, your hands becoming clammy with anxiety at the thought of him alone in a hospital room, “Will you be okay?”

“I’ll manage, darling. Don’t worry, okay? I’ll be out soon.”

“I’ll visit as often as I can, okay?”

Squeezing your hand once more, he replies, “I’ll look forward to them.”

Ding!

The elevator door slides open. You make your way down the hall, holding a box of ohagi in one hand and a bag of clothes in the other. It was the following day, and you had requested time off work to spend the first few nights at the hospital with Jushiro. You had wanted to stay last night, but it was too late to call in.

Knock, knock.

“Come in!” you hear a familiar voice call out beyond the door.

Pushing down the handle with your elbow, you enter Jushiro’s room. It was quaint, his bed was off to the left and parallel to the large windows that overlook the garden. Various monitors and medical equipment were mounted at one side and on the other were two comfortable-looking blue chairs. Apart from the stained wood wall behind Jushiro’s bed that matched the floors, the walls were painted white. A T.V. was mounted on the far corner of the wall.

He was looking out the window when you entered. You follow his gaze, and you find that he’s staring at a bird’s nest. Shifting his position in bed, he turns his head to you, “Hi, darling.”

“Hey! Bird watching?”

He blushes, a little embarrassed he had been caught, “Yeah, I think there’s a family up there.”

Setting your things down, you walk up to the window, “Oh, yeah. I think there is a family up there.”“What kind of birds do you think they are?” “I don’t know, I can’t see well enough,” you squint, tiptoeing to get a better view. “They reminded me of The Notebook.” Turning around, you smile at him, “Because of the birds?” “Because of the birds,” he nods. “You know, it’s Saturday and it’s my turn to pick…” you trail off, a Cheshire-like grin gracing your features.

“No, not again!” he cried.

You made it a point to visit Jushiro every Saturday to uphold your traditions.

Shunsui was, of course, the first to visit aside from you. The first time he visited, he barrelled into the room while Jushiro was asleep and startled him awake. He frequented Jushiro’s room, barreling in with an armful of snacks, and was often accompanied by his other colleagues. Today was no different, he came barging in with yours and Jushiro’s favorite chips. Which earns a glare from you, nodding towards your sleeping husband. He flashes an apologetic smile, mouthing, “Rukia’s here too.”

As if on cue, she steps into the room, “Hi, Y/N-san, I hope we aren’t intruding.”

“Nonsense, Rukia, you two aren’t a bother at all,” you

“Hm? What were you two watching?” asks Rukia, peering over your shoulder.

“Oh, we were watching The Notebook,” you reply, casting a glance at your laptop's screen. It was paused on the boat scene where Noah was rowing Allie through the lake, “Well, I am. He doesn’t like it all that much because of its ending.”

Shunsui put a hand to his chin, deep in thought. He stares intently at the birds on your screen, and you raise a brow, but before you can ask what was the matter, he suddenly exclaims, a lightbulb in his head shining brightly: “Senbazuru!”

“Bless you.”

“No, senbazuru!”

Blinking owlishly, you look at Rukia who, much to your dismay, also mirrors your confusion, “What?”

“You know, fold 1,000 paper cranes?” he continues as if he were stating the obvious.

Perplex, you question him again, “Paper cranes? Why?”

“You don’t know what senbazuru is? It’s this old legend that, if you fold 1,000 paper cranes, your wish will be granted! But you only have one, so be careful what you wish for,” he clarifies, giving you his signature smile.

Finally understanding what he was hinting at, you look at Jushiro who was sleeping, “Yeah, maybe…” you trail off.

“I’ll bring origami paper next time I visit then,” Shunsui said brightly. Smiling at his antics, you look at Jushiro once more, your smile fading slightly. An action that didn’t go unnoticed by your husband’s assistant.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine, Y/N-san,” Rukia smiles kindly, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“Yeah! He’s much stronger than you think–trust me, I know,” Shunsui chimes in, flexing his muscles, causing you to laugh. But you knew better.

“I’d appreciate it, thank you.”

“I’ll come back tomorrow with the paper, okay? I just swung by to check up on you two,” Shunsui nodding towards the door. He carefully placed the snacks at the foot of Jushiro’s bed and gestured for Rukia to go first.

“See you soon, Y/N-san!” Rukia waves, beaming brightly.

“See you, you two!”

Jushiro stirs in his sleep before slowly opening his eyes, “Mm… Was Shunsui here?” he asks.

“Ah, yeah he was; he came here to drop by some snacks but didn’t want to wake you, so he left.”

“Shame, I would’ve loved to go talk to him,” he smiles sadly as he props himself up. You’ve noticed that he’s become more tired as of late, which causes your heart to ache.

“He said we should make paper cranes,” you blurt out.

“Paper cranes? What for?”

Biting your lip, you were sure you sounded stupid for what you were about to say, “To make a wish come true.”

What you were referencing dawn on Jushiro. He chuckles–He would’ve asked what you would’ve wished for but he knew the answer.

“Do you know how to fold a crane?”

“No…” you reply sheepishly.

“Come here, I’ll teach you,” Jushiro says, beckoning you to come closer.

“We don’t have paper, though. Shunsui said he’d bring some origami paper tomorrow,” you grimace, not wanting to leave him alone to ask a nurse for paper.

“That’s alright, we’ll…” he trails off, looking for something–anything remotely foldable, “Aha! This’ll do,” Jushiro exclaims as he picks up a candy wrapper. Smoothing out the crinkled plastic, he carefully walks you through each step of making a crane.

“I know it’s a little hard to see, but bear with me a little,” he chuckles, folding the wrapper corner to corner. You lean over his bed, crossing your arms to lay your head in them. You watch intently as he skillfully folds the paper into a crane.

“Ta-da!” cheering as he displays the small papercraft in his palms. Taking the crane from his hand, you marvel at his dexterity to be able to create something so small.

“There, now we have crane number one!” he said triumphantly.

“Knock-knock!” came a muffled, yet familiar, voice.

“Come in!”

Shunsui, in his usual splendor, struts in with a large paper bag with what you assume to be the origami paper. His eyes lit up when he saw his best friend “Jushiro! You’re awake!” he pauses and look at the two of you, a boyish smile resting on his features. You sat on the edge of Jushiro’s bed, braiding his long white hair, “Am I interrupting?”

“You aren’t, don’t worry,” Jushiro laughs weakly, “She’s helping me with my hair since it keeps getting caught in the wires.”

“What’s in there?” you ask, nodding towards the bag, wondering what its contents could be. Surely a stack of colorful paper didn’t warrant a bag of that size.

“I’m glad you asked,” Shunsui grins mischievously as he reaches in and grabs a large, white box, “Voila!”

You gasp as he pulls out a home projector, “Shunsui, you shouldn’t have!”“I figured that watching on your laptop was a little cramped–don’t worry! It wasn’t just from me, everyone pitched in a little, too.” “Tell everyone that they have my thanks, this is very kind of you all,” Jushiro smiles sweetly as Shunsui places the box in his lap.

“And, of course, here’s the origami paper!” he exclaims, plopping a stack of brightly patterned paper still in its plastic onto your husband’s lap.

You took the box from his lap, running your nail through the tape. You study the projector, eyeing its buttons

“It works!”

“Woo!”

“What should we watch?”

The sun slowly eases down the horizon, and bright gradients of blues and pinks fill the sky. Jushiro had fallen asleep hours ago, leaving you and Shunsui to fold the paper cranes in his stead. Shunsui looks out the window and down at his phone’s clock.

“I should go soon.”

“How many cranes did we make today?”

“Counting today…” you point at each crane, quietly iterating each number under his breath, “We made 28 today!”“28 down, 972 more to go!”

Shunsui pauses before exiting the door, he turns and glances at Jushiro one last time before turning to you. He smiles, the kind of smile that telepathically tells the receiver, “It’ll be alright, don’t worry.” You try to muster the strength to return it, but when you do, it isn’t the kind that is comforting, no. It was a defeated type of smile. You saw his eyes soften, was it pity? Comfort? You didn’t know. He motioned for you to follow him, and you shook your head, nodding towards Jushiro.

“It’ll be quick,” he mouths. Biting your lip, you quietly trail after Shunsui. Looking back at your husband, you let out a small sigh and shut the door gently.

Shunsui leans against the wall opposite to the door, “How’ve you been, Y/N?” he asks almost immediately.

“Good–I’ve been… good, you?”

He raises a brow but thankfully doesn’t probe you further, “Same old, same old. Busy as always.”

You hum, staring at your shoes.

“Everyone misses him.”“Mm…”

“How bad has he gotten?”

You let that question hang in the air for a little while, the silence becoming suffocating. You hadn’t verbalized your troubles to anyone, so it felt foreign to you to be so forward with how you felt about it all, “He’s…” you suck in a cold, sharp breath, “He’s been… better.”

“As in?”

“The… doctors tell me he doesn’t have much time left until his condition worsens,” you start slowly, feeling the tears well up, “Maybe, like, a year left? Something like that. And that’s if we’re lucky,” you hiss bitterly.

Suddenly, you felt warmth engulf you, a large hand rubbing your back gently. Knowing the hospital has thin walls, you sob quietly into Shunsui’s chest. You shook violently as he held you steady, letting you soak his shirt with your tears.

“I’m s-sorry,” you hiccup, your hands rubbing your puffy eyes furiously. You realize how stupid you must look to passersby, wailing in the middle of the hallway like that.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. There’s no need to apologize,” he says as he rubs circles on your back, “It’s not anyone’s fault.” He gingerly separates himself from you, patting you gently on the shoulder, “Let’s get you a drink, yeah?”

You trail after him, each footstep that you take feeling heavier than the last. He leads you to a vending machine, asking you what you would like and that it would be on him.

“Water’s fine.”

He punches in the numbers and slides a wrinkly bill into the slot–cursing when the machine refuses to accept it. Eventually, it does and the bottle tumbles down and he reaches into the door to grab it. Giving you the bottle, Shunsui sits next to you. You thank him and sip the water slowly.

“Do you think he’ll get better?” you murmur. Shunsui didn’t look at you for a while, wondering if you meant to say that out loud or not before finally settling on, “I… don’t know.”

A thick, uncomfortable silence settles on your shoulders. You felt small sitting on that bench as you sip quietly on your juice, like a kid who was just sent to the principal’s office and was now waiting for their name to be called.

He turns to you once more, “I should go, I shouldn’t leave Rukia alone for too long.”

“Take care, Y/N.”

“You as well, Shunsui.”

He walks you back to Jushiro’s room, patting your back one last time before he turns to leave. You watch his figure turn the corner, disappearing from your sight. Unlocking the door slowly, you enter the room.

Snow was always a sight that you and Jushiro looked forward to. The stiff winter wind knocks on the hospital's windows as if they were asking the two of you to come out and play. It pains you to look at the snow; it bore as a reminder of when the two of you sought refuge in the thick, warm duvet of your shared bed. Now, there was a different kind of cold that you had not gotten us to.

It reminded you that you were the reason that he was in the hospital.

“I hope the blizzard dies down soon. My joints ache too much in the cold and it’s hard to walk,” Jushiro sighs. You hum in agreement, as much as you both love the snow, the cold was becoming unbearable even with heating. The icy weather seeped through the window cracks, sending chills every once in a while if the wind blew hard enough.

“Yeah, I do, too. It’s hard to drive in this weather.”

“You know, you don’t have to visit me so often, I don’t mind,” you gaped at him, which he quickly waved his hands around and followed up with, “Of course, I love your company but I don’t want me to start affecting your work life!”

“Of course not! You are so much more important than my job Jushiro!”

“I know but,” he looks down, “You’re tired, and you do so much for me already. And I don’t want you to get even more tired.”

“Jushiro, you are the light and love of my life, there is nothing more that I want than to be with you always,” you say, pressing your forehead against his. You could feel his body relax under your touch, making you feel warm inside, “It’s your turn this week, what movie do you want to watch?”

Like the snow that swirled furiously outside, Jushiro’s health took a nosedive in mid-November. He was moved from the Medicine Unit to the Intensive Care Unit as a result. New tubes and wires were hooked onto him; his lungs had begun to deteriorate at a faster rate than you nor the doctors anticipated so he was given an oxygen tank for assisted breathing.

It broke your heart to see Jushiro so frail. Some days he would be wide awake, watching the movies you put on intently and laughing with Shunsui while folding cranes. Other days he was quiet, moving sluggishly, if at all. There were times when you sat in his room for hours just watching him sleep. He looked so peaceful then. His coughing only worsened as well, his once dry hacking turned into a croaking, wet cough that wracked his whole body.

“Y/N.”

Startled you put a hand on your heart, “Ah! You’re awake!” He had slept most of the day away, only waking up when the nurse brought in his lunch. It was evening now, and you, much to your dismay, couldn’t stay the night so you were gathering your things.

“D-do you remember when we first met?” he asks hoarsely.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I? Shunsui wouldn’t leave us alone until we went on a date!” you chuckle fondly, vividly remembering a young Shunsui hounding you and Jushiro until you two became official.

“You were so beautiful, and you’ve only grown more radiant since then,” he chuckles dryly.

You groan, “Absolutely not! I looked so bad!”

The two of you were sophomores in college when you had met, at a party hosted by Shunsui no less. By some miracle, you had befriended Shunsui–a dynamic that you still find funny because you still aren’t exactly sure how the two of you became friends. Jushiro, who still had short hair back then, was introduced to you that night by him. You remember thinking he was so handsome and feeling embarrassed because your hair had refused to cooperate before you came to the party, leaving one side with more volume than the other. Shunsui roared with laughter when you struggled to introduce yourself (you elbowed him later for that).

And then?

Then, the rest was history.

“It’s been so long.”

“It has…”

“Why do you ask?”

“I had a dream of when we were young again. It felt like time had gone backward and I was there again,” he spoke softly, reaching his hand out to the ceiling as if the dream was tangible. But a memory, at the end of the day, is just a memory. You grasp his hand, lacing your fingers between his. He looks at you adoringly, “In sickness and in health, until death do us part,” he breathes quietly.

Your eyes widen. It pains you to hear those words from him again. Squeezing his hands tightly, you reply:

“Until death do us part.”

December

Each time that Shunsui visited, he always brought something. Whether it was snacks, a new CD to watch on the projector, or a bagful of paper cranes from everyone at the workplace, his arms were never empty.

Today, though, he visited empty-handed. Something that didn’t go unnoticed by you.

“I would’ve come sooner, but traffic was giving me hell!”

Giggling, you reply, “It’s okay, Shunsui. No gifts today?”

He dramatically sits on the chair next to you, “No, not today. I had no time, plus! It’s his birthday soon!”

You look over to Jushiro who was sleeping soundly, “What’re you going to get Jushiro for his birthday?”

Shunsui reclined in his chair and folded his arms, staring thoughtfully at the ceiling, “I’m not sure yet. When you’ve been friends for so long, you kind of just forget about the gifts and celebrate together.”

You nodded, "I get that, yeah."

"I'm sure I'll think of something, though," his gaze shifting to the movie in front of him. It was Jushiro's turn this week, he had chosen to watch Kimba: The White Lion, a favorite of his. However, no more than half an hour into the movie he was out cold. It was like this often; him falling asleep mid-movie, meaning that paper crane-making was left to you and Shunsui. Nevertheless, your movie-watching tradition held strong. Even if he was asleep for most of it.

The movie ends soon, and Shunsui rises from his seat, "Same time next week?" "Of course, where else would I be?" you mused. He grinned, tipping his hat and out the door he went, turning the knob and letting go when the door shut to not make noise.

“Oh, look, the snow’s calmed down some.”

He was right, the snow had slowed to a near stop. Beyond the glass and its frosty vignette, the courtyard looks like a winter wonderland.

Knock, knock.

“Come in!”

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Ukitake, I’m just here to check in,” the nurse bow before entering the room.

The nurse studies Ukitake’s vitals, jotting down notes about his health that you couldn’t see.

“Excuse me, do you think I could go out in the snow?” Jushiro ask while turning over his arm so that she could check his IV.

She smiles apologetically, “No, I’m sorry. We don’t allow patients to go outside for safety reasons.”

“Ah, not even if it’s my birthday?”

The nurse chuckles, “No, I’m sorry. Not even for your birthday,” she replies, finishing up the rest of her routine check-up. Putting her clipboard aside, she clicks her pen closed, “Have a good day!”

“Thank you!”

You could tell Jushiro was saddened that he couldn’t go outside, and that’s when an idea hit you.

“I have an idea,” you tell him as you take a plate from the stack.

“Where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back!”

He looks at you, perplexed at what you were planning. Marching out of the room and down the hallway, paper plate in hand, you press the elevator button. You wait a couple of seconds before it dings and it opens.

You shivered as you stepped into the courtyard, the biting wind lashing at your face. Crouching down, you scoop up handfuls of snow onto the plate.

“You brought back snow for me?” he laughed, taking the plate from your hand and putting it on his lap.

“Surprise…!”

He smiles and looks at his lap. Jushiro carefully sits up and pokes the soft snow, tracing shapes and circles on it. You lean down, folding your arms and resting your head on them. You watched him quietly as he drew a smiley face in the snow. You giggled; he’s so beautiful.

The longer you stared, the more your brows furrowed. White. The walls, his complexion, the world outside, the snow. It was all white. The longer you stared at him, the more your eyes unfocused until his figure became blurry. white gown he donned and his pale features did little to aid his camouflage. He blends into the snow seamlessly. As if he wasn’t there anymore like the wind had carried him away—as if, he too, was just another one of the snowflakes whisked away by the biting gales of winter.

This pungent, vile feeling of pure, unadulterated hate fester in you. It filled your heart to the brim with guilt knowing that if only you had insisted more, maybe he would’ve gotten a diagnosis faster and that he could’ve had a better chance to live longer. Jushiro reassures you that you were not to blame, that it was his stubbornness that prevented him from getting help, but it did not aid the anxiety that weighed on your shoulders. You hate that Jushiro was ill and that there wasn’t a cure, but most of all, you hate that you were at his illness’ mercy.

“Love? Why’re you crying?”

Your head snaps to Jushiro, his cold hand wiping tears from your cheeks.

“Ah! I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was—” You shied away from him, furiously wiping away your tears with your sleeve. You could feel his stare, and you could practically imagine his face. That look of utter heartbreak.

“Y/N, hey, look at me,” Jushiro says softly, gently cradling your face in his hands. You cast your gaze aside, unable to look him in the eyes, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just…”

“Scared?”

“Yeah, just a little.”Jushiro goes quiet for a little while, unsure of what to say. Finally, his hands let go of your face, and instead, leading your hands to the plate full of snow that had already begun to melt, “Do you see this?”

Curious, you straighten your back a little to see what he has done. On the plate, he drew a stick figure drawing, of what you could only assume to be you two, encapsulated within a heart with v-shaped birds dotting the surrounding area in the snow.

“Remember when I asked you if you would be a bird with me?” you hum, indicating that you remembered, “In our next life, Y/N, I think we should be swans. I hope that we’re swans. Will you be a swan with me in our next life?”

“I will be whatever you want, so long as I’m by your side,” you reply shakily, wiping stray tears, “But why swans?”

“Well, they’re a symbol of love, aren’t they?” he says, nodding to the little birds he drew, “We’ll find each other in our next lives as swans, I’m sure.”

“We should’ve made paper swans instead of cranes then!” you reply cheekily, feeling a little better.

Jushiro beamed, “We should’ve,” His features painfully contort, a vicious cough wracking his body. Rising from your seat, you swiftly reach for the glass of water on his stand and sit on the edge of his bed, handing it to him. Jushiro thanked you for the water and chugged it down like a man dying of thirst.

You rub his back while he sits still, “You should rest so you’ll have energy for the party.”

“Mmm.”

Taking the plate from his lap and putting it on the table, you grab the remote to recline his bed and kiss him softly.

“Here’s to another!” booms Shunsui. Your friends and family were packed into his small hospital room.

“Happy birthday, darling,” you coo, gently kissing his cheek. Even after years of marriage, his face flushed pink, which everyone found endearing. Shunsui, especially, laughed heartily next to him.

“Here comes the cake!” Rukia excitedly took the chocolate dessert from its box. It was beautifully decorated with the right cake-to-frosting ratio. “Yachiru helped us bake it!”

“Hehe!” Yachiru giggled, proudly folding her arms.

“3… 2… 1…” you counted down. Together you blew the cake; a chorus of claps and “Woos!” resounded in the small room.

“Happy Birthday!” everyone cheered in unison.

“Thank you for coming everyone!” you wave as the last of your friends and family leave the room, closing the door gently.

“Eventful day, huh?”

“Yeah, it was nice seeing everyone again though.”

“Darling, if it’s not too much to ask, can we watch The Notebook?”

“The Notebook? But it’s getting late,” you said with a questioning lilt in your voice. Night had fallen, and though you couldn’t see, you knew the moon was nearing the apex of the sky.

“Please?” he begs, pressing hands together and bowing his head–praying you would answer his pleas. You giggle, after all, who were you to refuse?

Taking your laptop out of its sleeve, you boot up your projector to connect. You pull up a chair next to Jushiro’s bed, but before you can sit down, he sits up and scoots over on the small bed, patting the empty spot next to him.

“Are you sure?” you query, wanting to double-check. It had been months since you had shared a bed with him and as much as you wanted to lay beside him, you were scared to lie next to him because of the intricate wires that draped along the mattress. Not wanting to accidentally tug on them and cause an accident.

“Of course, what better way to end my birthday than cuddling with my wife?” he teases, picking up another piece of paper. You felt tears well in your eyes, threatening to spill. Your heart squeezes as you lift the thin blanket, brush the tubes and wires to the side, and climb in. You were careful not to lift too much of the blanket and not to send the cranes at the end of the bed flying.

“How many cranes are we at?” eyeing the colorful origami that lay at your feet.

“976 cranes now, I think,” he responds, looking at his tally.

“We’re so close!”

He smiles knowingly. You both knew the inevitable but turned a blind eye to it. Ignorance is bliss, after all. Even if your wish didn’t come to fruition, passing the time by folding these cranes had become a welcome distraction from what was to come. Laying your head on his shoulder, you carefully link your arm around his so you can both fold more cranes. He reaches to the bedside table and grabs more paper, giving you some. Closing your eyes, you relish this moment. You had not known peace until Jushiro came into your life and swept you off your feet.

“I love you, Jushiro.”“I love you more, Y/N.”

He felt so warm, so very, very warm. The heavy feeling in your chest dissipates as you snuggle your head into his shoulder. Blinking slowly, you watch as the… Amidst your dreams, you felt a hand graze yours, taking the slip of paper between your fingers. Soft, cold lips press a ghostly kiss on your temple, sending a chill down your spine. Causing you to bury yourself more in Jushiro’s warmth. You thought you heard a deep, familiar chuckle–followed by a deep rumble and muffled coughing.

When you woke up, the first thing you notice was the blinding light of the sun that flood the room and stung your eyes; it had stopped snowing. The second was a long, flat beep that rang in your ears. That cold, clammy feeling grips your heart tightly as it pounds loudly in your chest. You kept your eyes shut, squeezing them tightly, taking comfort in the void you saw until colorful shapes and patterns circled round and round. You couldn’t move, his head resting on yours. You didn’t want to move, but you knew you had to. Shifting slightly to face him, you peer through Jushiro’s veil of white hair. His eyes were closed and his tender smile was ever present. Though he felt warm, you were sure it wasn’t his own. You felt like you needed to vomit—to cry out, yet, strangely, no tears came. You swallow thickly, staring at his face; he looks serene, the most you have seen in months.

The third was the cranes that were scatter on his and your lap. Counting each carefully, and double-checking to make sure you were correct, you count 23 colorful cranes.

999…

Clenching your fist, you inhale sharply as you feel a dull pain poking the inside of your sweaty palm. His hands clasp yours, your fingers laced in his tightly. You look down, your eyebrows knitting together in confusion; what was in your hand? You open your hand carefully, not wanting to let Jushiro’s hands just yet. You see a flash of green and white pattern paper in the crevice of your hands. Your lips parted, but no words came out–your throat feeling dry.

In your hand, the 1000th paper crane, one fold from completion.

A/N: I'll remaster this someday, probably. Sorry again if there are grammatical mistakes, I tried proof-reading it but I'm super tired lol.

Thank you for reading, as always!

[psychotic-nonsense]

Thinking about VG!Eddie with one of mine and my dad's favorite songs: "Nobody Wants to Hear Songs Anymore" by Ben Abraham (recommend listening to it first it's got a nice sound and neat little twist that me and my dad laugh about all the time)

Rambling bc I can't leave anything be ever

- - - - -

I'm gonna animate this some day so scene by scene replay as follows:

First two verses are imagined scenarios by Eddie, dreams that are too soon tainted by reality again.

First verse) Eddie as a little kid, laying in bed and making that first wish. An angel does come down, looking like his mom, and he gets a brief moment of being held in her arms. But soon his mom's face falls, and she floats back up into the sky as Eddie scrambles for her to come back. Reality takes over and we see he's clutching a small silver ring, his mom's.

Second verse) An older Eddie, around sophomore year. He writes his song, shedding a few tears along the way. He invites the person - featureless at first - over to the trailer and performs it on his acoustic, all emotion and purity and vulnerability. But as he finishes, his face falls as he sees the person is disinterested. Their features come into focus, as Steve just shakes his head and fades away. Reality comes back, and Eddie's sitting on his bed alone with the book full of lyrics. Angrily, he snaps it shut and holds it close to his chest.

Third verse, first two lines) Eddie's fight with the bats. He stands tall but is inevitably taken down, landing straight into Dustin's lap. He struggles to breathe, but still gives Dustin one last smile. As he dies, he sinks down into the ground, floating lifeless in that mind void beneath the water. His features shift into place, wings and claws and tail and black skin.

Last three lines) Eddie wakes up, pleading for freedom. He thrashes and fights the water, but keeps getting pulled down. Flashes of moments throughout the story play around him, but he keeps pushing through. Until one freezes him solid, so loud and jolting and painful that Eddie gives up completely. A black solid muzzle with chains wrap around his mouth and pull him further into the water, and he just goes with it.

Fourth verse) Set near the latter half of Vecna's Generals storyline. The Imprisoned in their cave, all watching Eddie with varying levels of concern. He's sickly looking, laying down in a curled up ball facing the rock wall. Chrissy sits next to him, trying to provide comfort by rubbing his shoulder, but she knows it's not working. Eddie sings this last verse to himself in tears, completely dejected and tired, giving up.

[riickgrimes]

I know who you are. You're Fire and Ice, right? Which one's which?

CHALLENGERS (2024) dir. Luca Guadagnino