#anyway my point was this is basic stuff to have researched first before you started on about how a middle-class lad couldn't write fiction

[nostalgia-tblr]

started reading about the shakespeare authorship thing and the first argument from a literary person to say Willy S couldn't have written them is "he didn't go to university," at which point i went "oh wow i didn't realise THIS was the level of 'evidence' people meant"

[nkjemisin]

Hello NK Jemisin! I'm a huge fan of yours, and I wanted to thank you for writing all of the books you've written, and doing all that you do. You're really awesome and you are doing important work! :) I had a long question, if you have time to answer! What's your commentary on creating fantasy cultures, using real ones as inspiration? You've done this before in your stories, and I wanted to know if you had any guidance on doing it well. I'm writing my first novel right now (fantasy!) and am dealing with a surprising amount of guilt regarding using real cultures as a basis for my fake ones. On one hand, I want to create a really unique fantasy world, not the bog-standard European stuff. It's not only more interesting to me, but I also admittedly want to use my story to help introduce people to concepts that might be helpful in the real world, help readers understand what these real people go through and perhaps inspire change. On the OTHER hand, I don't know if it's 'my place' to do so (I'm Black btw, but I'm not just writing about Black-coded fantasy characters). And I'm worried about representing people in a harmful way, even if it's by accident. I'm even hung up about names! Should I use names from real languages related to the cultures I'm inspired by, or should I just make them up to emphasize that, while yes these people are clearly inspired by real cultures, they are ultimately *their own* thing. I'm really conflicted on this and am hoping you can offer some feedback and/or commentary. Sorry for the long ask. Either way, have a great day and I look forward to whatever work you do next!

If I can rephrase what you're saying here, it sounds like you're concerned about cultural appropriation -- specifically, which cultures you get to "borrow from" and "remix," how much remixing you can do before you've done damage, how to depict people from cultural backgrounds other than your own, etc.

If that's what you're asking, then there are whole schools of thought on how to "appropriate appropriately." A lot of thinking on this has evolved in the past few years, for good and for ill; Own Voices, for example. (The short version: the Own Voices hashtag movement started as a grassroots attempt to get marginalized voices telling the stories of their own cultures, because there's been a nasty trend of only white/Western/Anglophone/etc. authors publishing books about those cultures. The problem? Some publishers and readers started acting as if marginalized writers weren't allowed to do anything but stories in their own cultures -- a restriction, instead of an inclusion/correction. Worse, publishers, etc started using it as a marketing shorthand, in ways that were just... not good. They made it weird, basically.) But I'm still fond of the approach that's in Writing the Other, by Nisi Shawl and Cynthia Ward. It's centered on ethnicity/race, but a lot of its approach can be extrapolated to culture. There's too much good stuff in this book to summarize it easily, but you should read it instead of a summary anyway -- it's short.

I don't see the point of guilt, when it comes to something like this. Guilt is what you feel when you've done something wrong, and admiring another culture enough to want to tell a story featuring it isn't wrong. However, there are things you need to do -- research, conversations, considerations of power dynamics -- to reduce the harm you might end up doing by telling that story as an outsider. And note that no matter what you do, though, you might still end up doing harm. (Even people writing about their own culture can end up doing that.) If you fuck up, apologize, figure out what went wrong, and try to do better next time. That's really all you can do.

And then write whatever the hell you want. There's a persistent pressure on Black writers to only cover certain subjects, certain settings; nah. We get to have range, too. You've just got to put in the work to do it well.

Good luck.

[hoodedjelly]

Nicktoons unite main 4 in their respected styles ( minus jimmy neutron i'll explain more below)

i feel very mixed about these but it was still fun either way studying all of these cartoons respected styles. the final does make me happy, seeing all of them together ^__^ 💞

below i will explain my thought process working with each style so get ready for a wall of text:

first before anything you may be asking: why no jimmy neutron style!? it's because i tried and gave up! i was starting the rendering process for timmy and i hated it so i just didn't continue! no point of making myself miserable for something thats harmless fun style studies. but have these as a little treat:

Fairly Oddparents style: the easiest style to work on and research for, fop style is not that complex. i should also add i didn't draw each style in one sitting i drew each character together and then edited them all, so that might be the reason why some look better then others, i just got good. but i'm saying that because the character i started with was spongebob! specifically because i was tired of ppl thinking dp style and fop style are the same and how spongebob would look the same in both styles, just a flat square. which is wrong! fop style is very different! i would prob describe it as a flat paper style. has sharp and rounded thick lines. the main source of research i used for it was the designer for fop was Ernie Gilbert. he has designed a lot of iconic characters for the show and i highly would check out his work, this is his website

Danny phantom style: now this one was tricky, prob the hardest one to figure out and i honestly don't think i really DID figure it out. the possible reason is i am still trying to go through the show atm myself, but i'd doubt it. they all just look off to me, just a little. which no need for me to work myself in a circle trying to make it "perfect". im no professional character designer! especially not Stephen Silver.

Spongebob Squarepants style: this one was tricky but in the opposite way to dp style, where i didn't know what to reference! to start off the show is mainly nonhuman characters, so finding character refs were hard. the refs i did use were the mermaids and the superheros, so i used that for timmy. but in the middle of working on jimmys i was watching a video of someone ranking every single spongebob ep and TURNS OUT in the later seasons, i think season 13, there were human designs! (technically elfs but whatever).

and weirder thing is how they draw patchy but im not going to get into that. i am assuming that style is for characters that are supposed to be real life humans up on land in that universe (but why not just use real life humans? idk, maybe tom kenny is getting to old for the role). BUT ANYWAY, i used the elfs for a main source for jimmy and danny, they turned out a lot better then the timmy in my eyes. i wanted at least one of them to have the black eyes but they all have bright blue eyes and the show usually always colors blue eyes. i get ahead of myself cause there was a lot more factors i still had to figure out. like the line art. the show doesn't have a clear line style like dp or fop, its just relatively consistent medium lines. so i just went with more recent show stuff then older stuff since it's HD.

ok but thats basically it, i can prob go on more but i'd feel no one gaf. i made these for fun and it was fun making them! i love all of these shows a ton so it was nice looking up the designers and artist for these shows. support the artists!!! fuck bitch fartman!!!!!

[doubledeadstudio]

Finally got the courage to ask a question (Happy New Years Eve/ Day whenever you see this) but just a general question

What was the creative process of making Reanimated Heart, Another Rose in his Garden and Pygmalion’s Folly? What was the inspiration behind those three games? What was your favorite one to work on? Do you plan to make new games in the future?

Happy New Year to you too, anon! I love questions like these. The development and creative process is something I'm very passionate about.

Creative Process? Inspiration? (Just shoving both of this in one, long discussion about how these things came to be)

Okay, you guys will probably think I'm an insane person, so let me explain how I got started on them...

I first started with RH (of course) when my friend Tay told me about this game she was playing where a character really resembled Crux (it was Markus from Red Embrace: Hollywood). And I played it because of that, and I was like, damn??? He really does? And I was on the path of my artist journey that I was like looking at the game assets and the dialogue and stuff where I was like... Wait, I can do that. I can write like this. I can draw everything. Who's stopping me? I had a dream with the tree, and I started writing dialogue in "hypothetical" VN scenarios, and I was like... okay, fuck it, I already got disowned by my family and I wanna kill myself, I've got nothing left to lose.

So I started pre-development for Reanimated Heart and wrote like about 20,000+ words, made sprites and backgrounds, spent an ungodly amount of money for music and fonts and did research, and released the Prologue on itch. It ended up kind of a flop? And I was honestly so mad for years LMFAO, but I kept at it because I liked making it. And then a fan, Ashe, contacted me out of nowhere and suggested I improve my socials. (Thanks Ashe.)

All in all, I think that, if RH never gathered attention... I would still be making it, but releases would've been shorter and weirder, and it wouldn't have the level of polish it does now because "nobody's playing this shit anyway." But having a fandom motivates me to push past my comfort, and inspires me to do releases semi-regularly. So, thank you guys for the support. :>

Anyway, enough RH rambling. Another Rose happened because a couple of members in the chat (I remember Maz and Chat in particular) kept joking about Omegaverse and I've never like... consumed any Omegaverse before, and I literally had no fucking clue what it was other than mpreg and werewolves. And I was like drinking that day and I got intrigued. And I kept thinking about the scenarios and became like ACTUALLY invested, but I didn't know anything about it still, so I kept asking Maz about it and she really helped hash out the "lore" and gave me really good scene suggestions. I honestly think Another Rose is the most indulgent of all my games because...

First of all, it's just straight porn. Second, aside from the quality of the work, I don't think about the audience, at all. There's only a price point to it but it's basically like a smut novel with some path deviations (that also just read to different porn)? Third, I'm like... I'm not going to lie, obsessed with my husband's OC Mars. And it's funny af to me how people ended up disliking him, because this whole game was like just my personal (smutty) love letter to how much I love that godawful man.

For Pygmalion's Folly... There had been long discussions in my server about murdersims. I'll be honest, I didn't get them at first, but I think Adri framed it in a way that I understood it, which was like... it was a morbid fascination to how bad things can get in situations like that. So I ended up playing the first BTDs and obsessively finished TPOF to the point I was having dreams about it, and I'm not going to lie, I had a dream! Again!! And it was Florentin killing the MC over and over. I woke up in a haze and wrote like the first 3000 words of the game in a frenzy with just 2 hours of sleep, and I was like, okay. This is getting made for sure. And because Adri was the avid murdersim fan, I consulted with them about the game, and they were the one that suggested the stats system, as well as some scenarios for endings.

So I guess tl;dr I cannot explain how I make games to you guys because they just kind of form when I'm drunk or get prophetic dreams.

Favorite to Work On?

Honestly, I loved working on all of them equally, believe it or not. (I equally also hate all of them when I'm crunching for the release. /jk)

The thing about these characters is that they're all OCs that are near and dear to my heart, ones that I've had for YEARS (I've had Vin for 12 years, can you imagine that?), and seeing all of them in action excites me so much.

I love that I got to make Abel the protag and I love that I got to put him in fun, sexual situations. I love that I managed to show off Florentin's special powers, and draw amazing grisly CGs with him. I love that Black, Vin and Crux are different, romanceable characters, that you can go to their houses, that you can see CGs with them, that you can follow their character development and be invested in their secrets, that they even have awesome voice actors that bring them to life!

And I love that so many of you also love them too, and write fic of them and draw them... Honestly, that's already my dream, and I'm so happy about it.

New Games in the Future?

Absolutely, yes! I got the VN dev bug and you guys will have to chase me out of here, LMAO.

But this year, considering how busy I'd be... I'd say probably not in case something really pushes me to make something (like, I had an idea I can't stop thinking about). My top priority right now is Reanimated Heart's Chapter 1 finale, and I have some free DLC I'm thinking of adding for Another Rose and Pygmalion's Folly, so those will probably get prioritized first.

[003soy]

Kat’s Character Overanalysis of Murasaki

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️

The content below may exhibit multiple instances of confirmation bias due to over a year of brain rotting.

Do not proceed if you dislike excessive analysis of characters that only appear in official tweets and random merchandise.

I treat this guy like an oc so don’t be mean to me ok 💔 just my headcanons and personal observations!!!

Viewer discretion is advised…

Ok so I'm going to start with the basic stuff (i.e. inkipedia)

From 2015-2018(?) Murasaki was the drummer for the band Squid Squad. He was the youngest member of the group.

While this excerpt from Inkipedia may seem small, there are a lot of traits described here that can be further analyzed (if you have nothing better to do)

The Squid Research Lab describes him as rough around the edges.

The term "rough around the edges" is used to describe something that has small imperfections, but is generally good. When describing a person it can mean someone who is unsophisticated or impolite. In this instance, "rough around the edges" could be describing Murasaki's drumming skills as he's said to have potential, but he also needs some practice.

this characterization was probably made to resemble his appearance as well! (sea urchins don't have very smooth edges...)

2. Murasaki is referred to as a wild child.

A "wild child" is usually someone (likely a young person) who is headstrong, rebellious, and/or uncontrollable. To me, this info matches nicely with the impolite interpretation of the phrase "rough around the edges."

3. From here, it sort of goes on about his playing which I sort of addressed in the first point. Basically, he has a natural gift in drumming because he has a good sense of rhythm, and despite lacking in technique, he always tries his best.

4. He is prone to crying

The Squid Research Lab states that he could be caught crying during a drum solo which goes to show how much effort he puts into his playing :). I feel like this part tends to override his other traits in fan stuff (if he gets included at all). I personally view this as a subversive aspect of his personality. Normally he has an abrasive personality because of the rebelliousness and lack of manners, but he is also a sentimental person and his emotions are expressed through tears even if he isn’t sad (samee). Think of how urchins have a spiky hard external shell that hides soft uni inside of it ok...

5. Energetic

I know the energy think is probably referring to his playing style, but I picture him to be a fidgety person who doesn't like to stand still. I guess it matches with the wild child thing.

6. He's the youngest

Expains the previous behavior. rude + rebellious + more talent than practice. teenager.

Moving onto other sources! Bye Inkipedia...

Here is the original japanese text of the Squid Research Lab info on twitter. Yes, I know google translate isn't that accurate, but I think it's interesting and deepl says something similar as well.

7. Ignoring the strange grammar, Murasaki is additionally described as mischievous (やんちゃ?). Definition: playful in a naughty or teasing way or troublesome/irritating.

I guess this was translated into the wild child in the english version because I'm assuming the term in japanese refers to more childish behavior. I think the word mischievous is easier to understand though since I've never heard the term wild child before. Anyway, he's silly.

8. I sort of glossed over this in the english version but apparently he can take the lead when it matters most. In english, the phrasing kinda made this confusing. I thought they were just saying words lol. Anyway, this ties in with him trying his best while in the band + being compassionate/sentimental.

topic-adjacent kinda. I've seen people interpret this in a sort of sad way, but I interpret this as him being mischievous! I think he's walking towards them to scare them. The little star next to his head reminds me of the animal crossing mischief emote.

another bonus thing because it shows that hes silly. a silly goose. I think he likes to doodle.

God I haven't even gotten to the splatune articles yet...

yeah this kinda repeats what I already said but here it says his playing fits well with Ichiya. I think that both of them are kinda similar. Both are sort of lacking in technique but make up for it in other areas. Both have ADHD (lying). To me, Murasaki is if an asshole turned out to be kind, and Ichiya is if a kind person turned out to be an asshole. #crazy

Splatune 1! No more numbered list I forgot what number I was on :)

Cool and edgy urchin

I have no idea what that means. Ok.

Cool means cool.

I don’t know if they mean edgy in the internet way because ???... Anyway, edgy can mean: 1. tense, nervous, or irritable, 2. trend setting, daring, or provocative. I think the word choice was for the sake of an urchin pun.

I think they meant to convey the second definition by saying hes cool and unconventional (I don't think it makes sense to say someone is cool and nervous in the same sentence). Kind of matches with being rough around the edges. I like to apply the first definition sometimes though. I like to stress him out.

he boldly pushes up to the front like a blaster

information about his drum playing is information about his personality! this relates to his previously described energetic playing. I like how this sort of frames him as unusual compared to other drummers. It shows how his playing style relates to his character... energetic, headstrong, he can lead the way if necessary. all things previously stated.

mean to him :(

I think this is trying to say how the others keep him around even though he doesn't match the theme. They keep him around because he looks cool? (this information is probably useless because machine translator. grain of salt)

very brief splatune 3 cameo

can drink in bars now? (old...)

likes to talk in circles (old...)

looks depressed now. aware of the horrors... evil leg bouncer...

thats it for official stuff i think. I like to add on bonus traits to him during the front roe era, but yeag ✌️

[thesnailtail]

hello neutual (new mutual). the idea of your MMJ -> Niigo genreswap is eating at my brain . I'm incredibly interested

;; hello neutual!!!!

;; is this an invitation to infodump? im taking this as an invitation to infodump :3

;; more more jump! the anonymous music circle who's members hide away from the public.

;; jist of everything is that minori "rinrin" starts composing to improve her abilities in idol auditions (don't question it), then (in order) airi "riri" gets roped in as the mv maker, then shizuku "rook" as the artist and after a whole lotta plot and sekai shenanigans, haruka "ruka" as the lyricist.

;; their personalities and whatnot are mostly the same. minori is super energetic and hopeful, for all except three hours of the day where she's the opposite (luckily she's usually asleep), haruka is haruka except sleep deprived and the guilt complex is worse, talking to airi is a 50/50 on whether she'll glare at you or walk away and shizuku... we'll get to that.

;; their sekai is the fairytale sekai and it's basically a massive forest, except for the one massive clearing that has a stage. except the stage is not in good condition..

;; each vocaloid is based off of a different fairytale thing. miku (princess) and luka (witch) are their starting vocaloids, but (in order) rin (some sorta forest spirit-esque thing) shows up in colour of myself, meiko (mythical creature tamer) shows up in you deserve it! break time!, kaito (royalty) shows up for worldwide wander and len (also some sorta forest spirit-esque thing) shows up at some other point that i haven't decided.

;; the order of events is slightly shuffled, only because colour of myself needs to be first. because colour of myself is the "shizuku quit your job" event. did i mention that she didn't quit during the main story? yeah she never gets the push she needs to quit and stays there. -> because the cloverdamned turning point quote is haruai

;; which leads back to the "and shizuku... we'll get to that." comment. yeah she's not doing well. she's been balancing work and these meetings (one of which she enjoys and finds comfort in. hint: it isn't the one involving her groupmates who hate her) so she's stressed, dealing with perfectionism and all that.

;; at some point in colour of myself, minori gets really sick and shizuku is very iffy about it. (her and rin were witness to minori starting her "sekai research", part one of which was to eat plants in the sekai. something bad happened.) that's the most random fact anyway continuing on

;; minori solves her problems in every event by getting a whole lot of sugar in her system, acting like 'normal' then sugar crashing at about four am. which is when she sleeps for three hours or just cries for no discernable reason. then she repeats this at seven am.

;; group relationship wise is funny because. minori is more chill about being in a group with the other three (having worked out their identities way before they all worked out each others and having time to process that).

;; so minoharu is along the lines of "ruka-chan responds to my kindness with trust issues. what do i do"

;; minoai is airi daring minori to do dumb stuff and minori doing it then airi getting incredibly concerned as she injures herself in more and more unhinged ways

;; and minoshizu is "[says anything]" "yeah, same".

;; haruai are attempting to murder each other at any given point. i would be joking but one of their first interactions (that ive written) in sekai is: "oh are you not gonna say hello to your groupmate momoi?" "go fuck yourself." "id rather not."

;; harushizu are looking at each other's situations and going "at least mine isn't that bad". <- they are both bad in different ways

;; shizuai is shizuai. airi is the main encourager for shizuku getting out of cheerful*days and shizuku is the number one fan of airi.

;; all of them are clingy, in very different ways. minori just needs to be able to hear them over call or see them and she's happy. shizuku will just grab onto people (airi or minori usually). airi and haruka act like they aren't clingy but panic if they haven't heard anything from one of their groupmates in a day.

;; this au is where the minoshizu part of this fic came from!

[stellae-de-baphometis]

Hello!! I am extremely new to demonolatry as I have very recently discovered it and I would like to know if you have any resources for beginners to read/watch that are helpful. Don’t worry about it if you don’t or if you simply don’t feel like it, I don’t mind!! Ty and have a nice day!!!!

Hey there! Terribly sorry for answering this so late. Xx So I've only been into Daemonolatry for about a year now, though I have learnt a lot thus far and I'd be more than happy to share some really important pointers to aid you in walking this path. ^.^

⭒☆·━━━━━━━•( 🌑 )•━━━━━━━·☆⭒

So first and foremost before I get into the main blogpost, I really cannot stress this enough...

Please educate yourself on closed practices and steer clear of cultural appropriation in your personal practises. There are a group of people in the Daemonolatry community who appropriate the heck out of Jewish daemons, especially Lilith. Judaism is a closed practise and therefore it's only respectful to not incorporate Judaism into your personal practises. Appropriating Judaism is actually a form of anti-Semitism, so please be mindful and respectful of these things! 🖤

I'm ashamed to admit this but I actually used to think it was completely fine to appropriate Jewish daemons last year, thanks to subreddits like r/DemonlatryPractices who would constantly try to push propaganda about Lilith being a "Mesopotamian Pagan Goddess" and other excuses for appropriating her. That same subreddit decided to attack me when I merely mentioned (on a completely different subreddit, mind you) that I disagreed with them appropriating Lilith, and in turn I got witch-hunted so that's great lmao. 🤡

Please avoid that subreddit at all costs, it's an absolute cesspit of cultural appropriation and passive anti-Semitism, and honestly they exhibit cult-like behaviour if you do so much as simply disagree with the appropriation of Jewish daemons. It's pretty disturbing... But yeah anyways sorry for rambling lol.

I'd also recommend avoiding people and organisations such as S. Connolly, V.K. Jehannum, Satan & Suns/Sons, BlackWitchCoven, The BecomeALivingGod Forum, The Satanic Temple, Joy Of Satan Ministries, The Order Of Nine Angles, scarletarosa (a user that literally exists here on Tumblr... yikes), etc. They engage in Jewish appropriation, and some of them even have ties to Nazism, racism, and other forms of bigotry too.

Some other Jewish daemons/spirits that you should avoid appropriating alongside Lilith are; Naamah, Agrat Bat Mahalath, Eisheth Zenunim, Samael, Abyzou, and the Grigori / Watcher Angels.

There are many other closed practices too, but if you'd like to do further research I can leave that up to you. ^.^

Okay sorry about that huge ramble lmao, just thought I would get that out of the way before getting into the main post because I think it's an important point to make and I don't want you to fall down a cultural appropriation apologist pipeline like I did at the beginning of my practise lol. Xx

Anyways, let's talk about The Infernal Divine!

+: GIF Credit :+

⭒☆·━━━━━━━•( 🌑 )•━━━━━━━·☆⭒

So we'll start with some really basic stuff. What exactly are daemons?

It's not commonly known outside of Daemonolatry that daemons themselves actually predate Christianity. The term 'demon' (alternatively spelled 'daemon') comes from the word 'daimon' which originates way back in Greek mythology. Daimons were a type of tutelary deity as well as guiding spirit whose divine nature was that of both mortals and deities. They were also sometimes regarded as bringers of knowledge, wisdom, and destiny. In this sense, they could be considered deities in their own right.

Contrary to popular belief, daemons are not evil and never were to begin with. It was only until the coming of Christianity that daemons as well as other gods were vilified and ostracised due to the cultish, radical, monotheistic mindset a lot of Christian extremists held back in the day. Lucifer himself was a "demonized" Roman god also known as Phosphorus, associated with light and the planet Venus. From that description alone, I don't really get evil vibes lol.

In my opinion, our world cannot simply be split up into just black or white, and daemons are no exception. Daemons aren't evil, but they aren't completely love and light either; They're neutral. Much like humans as well as the universe itself, the Infernal Divine are various shades of grey, and all daemons are unique and differ in personality.

⭒☆·━━━━━━━•( 🌑 )•━━━━━━━·☆⭒

So with all this in mind, what are some good resources that don't endorse and/or engage in appropriation of closed practices?

The YouTube channels ESOTERICA and ReligionForBreakfast have great information on the history of various religions and practises!

~ Book Recommendations ~

Livre des Esperitz

Dictionnaire Infernal

Pseudomonarchia Daemonum

Pandemonium: A Discordant Concordance Of Diverse Spirit Catalogues

I personally am working towards being a daemonolatry resource myself, but I haven't been able to post much lately due to my mental health issues. I also took an active break last year, as it was pointed out by a friend of mine that my belief of thinking it was fine to appropriate closed practises was obviously problematic, and so I took time off from posting in order to educate myself and delete any problematic blog posts I had made endorsing that in the past.

But nonetheless, I hope that what I was able to provide in this post was helpful! I wish you well on your spiritual path. 🖤

❀ ~ Many Blessings ~ ❀

-Korv

[wrongcaitlyn]

for the ask game !!! 4, 6 and 22 for tyt / dear reader in general !!!

4. If the fic required it, what did you research in order to write it?

oh SO much😭 there was definitely a lot of research into dates, at first, just because i wanted to make sure i was lining up all the award shows with the actual dates and choosing which award shows to write (also coming across the fact that grammys 2018 was on jan 28...) also, the categories that were in award shows, i had to research what exactly all of those categories were for - which ones nico would be nominated for, who they were awarded to (just the singer, also the producer?). the amount of time that i spent on the grammys' wikipedia page was much longer than i'll ever admitslkjfd

also billboard charts! i did a ton of research into records, how they're counted, because i wanted to make sure that when i was mentioning nico's milestones, they were at least somewhat realistic. i read through a bunch of billboard album reviews and articles with producers and whatnot to try and figure out the basics of music journalism.

there was research into transitioning, as well, even though i was much more hesitant to trust *google* for that sort of stuff, but i wanted to know just how easy it would be for nico to actually get top surgery and whatnot, and also the effects of binders when singing/having a performance and stuff

SO MUCH OLYMPICS RESEARCH. LIKE. god i think i complained about this at some point but seriously, the archery world championships and olympics qualification is still confusing asf to me. but i wanted to make sure that, despite kayla being a relatively minor character, i was figuring out all the right dates, how she would get qualified, records for youngest world champions, etc etc.

weather accounts. ik that it's very unnecessary but i genuinely looked up dates for concerts and what the weather was, or when i wanted it to rain i actually looked up whether it was raining, how i could twist it to when it *did* rain, and whatnot. i may be insane when it comes to details like that

and in general, i watched a lot of interviews (though that was in my free time, and tbf i've always been interested in it, even before i started writing the series) about artists and singer-songwriters and how they wrote, how they worked, and just the entire creating-an-album process

there's probably a lot more that i'm forgetting, bc i genuinely was always researching something. fun fact! there hasn't been an italian artist to reach #1 on the billboard hot 100 since 1958 (he was also the first european artist to reach #1 on the billboard hot 100).

6. How did you decide what tense and POV(s) to use?

i had just written a fic (my hunger games au) in past tense, and when writing it, i felt like i kept slipping into present. so when i started writing talk your talk, i decided to just test out present tense and see whether i liked that better (back when i thought it would be a relatively short oneshot, maybe a oneshot series)

the funny thing about that is that i thought i didn't like it, and so THEN when i wrote another fic - my marauders jegulus fame au - i decided to write that one in past tense. a warning for any writers: NEVER. write two wip's that are in different tenses. it's a horrible kind of torture. since then, i've had to write all of my other fics in present tense because i didn't want to mess up my brain while writing talk your talk - it's so confusing to switch it up, because then i'd also have to monitor what i was reading, and if i read something present tense, i wasn't able to write starry eyes; if i read something past tense, i wasn't able to write talk your talk. i couldn't write one and then switch over to the other, i had to like program my brain to think in the correct tense - ANYWAY it was very very hard and i highly recommend to never do that and just stick with one tense, at least until you want to fully switch over😭

as for the pov, in talk your talk, it was always going to be nico! the whole fic was very centered around him, and i knew that i wanted to add all these details on how he felt about his rise to fame - i really wanted that internal dialogue during shows, and school, and producing music, and also how songs would come to be and whatnot. also, i had just written my hunger games au in nico's pov, and i just really liked it😭

when it came to greatest of luxuries, i knew that i wanted to expand on the universe. that did horrendous things to my wordcount, but i think it was for the best!! i got to add more character development to will, which was *really* important to me, seeing as he and nico are pretty separate stories while nico is on tour and will is in college, and it also let me introduce a bunch of new characters!! i added a few other interludes too, with a bunch of different pov's, but the most interesting, i think, was apollo

apollo's pov/memoir (and i'm so sorry, i know you haven't gotten to that yet but i just had to include it when talking about pov's!!) is one of my FAVORITE things to write. i knew that i wanted to add more of apollo's lore and his story to the au, but for a while, i didn't know how to do it - it didn't feel right to just add an apollo pov where all he does is reflect on the past and so i got SO excited when i thought of creating a memoir. usually i'm heavily against writing in first person, but it just felt so natural with apollo - how else could you have a pov that just focuses on the past (pretty much an entirely different timeline) but still with the huge ego of apollo? while he still shows maturity and how he's grown as a person?? i'm already such a fan of including mixed media in my fics, but the memoir has to be my favoritekjldsf

22. What is something you learned about yourself as a writer from the experience?

i love causing pain. i think i already knew that, seeing as one of my first fics when starting to write again last year was a hunger games au in which i killed off like a good majority of the main cast. but there was something cool in writing angst as a theme in talk your talk, when fame au's largely focus more on the reputation of a person, conflicts between relationship, etc. not that i have a problem with those, seeing as im a sucker for literally any kind of fame au, but i sort of put them in the background for this series!

overall, i feel like i've grown such a huge amount with this fic. i started it around the same age as nico and will, only slightly younger, and now they're nearly 20 and im still 16. both in the writing sense and just in general, i really got over my fear of starting/committing to longer fics, because i really just fell in love with the universe. i learned that i *love* adding different forms of media to fics, and that one of my favorite things about writing is exploring how different universes would impact the characters differently - it would shape their personalities, give them some different characteristics and different outlooks on life, and that's prob why i love au's so muchdjfs

but the main main thing is that this is the first time that i feel like i really wrote the fic and got a huge community out of it - i've always had a few mutuals in fandoms and whatnot (both when editing and writing), but with talk your talk, i started getting repeat commenters, and eventually started my tumblr, and i realized how incredibly motivating it is to be able to share my obsession with the au with so many other people!! it's been an absolutely incredible experience <33

well i definitely rambled a lot thereDLKFJS thank you for the asks!!

[attorneytrash]

I really really really love Such Terrible Tales, it's one of my favorite fanfictions of all time!! I was wondering how you write a "period piece" so well with all the terminology, dialog, and flow of the work feeling so reminiscent of 19th-20th century novels! (It still has its roots and humor in the modern era, but you get me.) Do you do a lot of research and editing before you publish a chapter or does it just flow naturally for you? Did you read a ton of Jane Austen and bodice rippers before penning the Jackdaw? Have you you plotted out Such Terrible Tales in full before writing or do you just fly by the seat of your pants (or do you do a mix of both)? Sorry if this is nosy, I'm just so curious and invested and I'm looking into writing fanfictions that captures a similar feeling myself ^q^

OH MY GOSH HIIIIIIII wait i've never gotten one of these before. this is so exciting. fair warning my advice will be terrible but you did ask

first off thank you I can't believe you think i write a good "period piece" (what is the period? we just don't know) because I feel like i'm so slapdash about it and it's all Vibes. ANYWAY I'M REALLY REALLY HAPPY YOU'RE ENJOYING THE FIC. TRULY

genuinely one of the reasons I started writing STT in the first place was because I was on a kick of reading stuff that takes place in that general era (again, what the actual era is remains unclear). A few people have pointed out the Jane Austen of it all, and I think when I was in the middle of reading an austen novel you can tell because of the language in those chapters. basically, I don't know if this is true of everyone, but I tend to lean into the style of whatever I'm reading at the time. I also think it helps, if you like audiobooks, to listen to audiobooks in the style you want to write in! Especially with older works, audiobook narrators are really good at getting the flow and cadence of the language across, and it helps get your mind flowing along and sort of "hooked in" to that style. or it does for me at least!

ALSO I do jot down a lot of notes, specifically little turns of phrase that I like! so for example, I wrote down to use the word "directly" meaning "right now" (as in, "I will read you the letter directly") and "presently" meaning "in a short time" (as in, "we're expecting his arrival presently"). Little things like moving words around too ("what have you there" rather than "what do you have there" etc) give it that sort of feel. if that makes sense. i just take a lot of notes

One tip I will give is that a little really goes a long way with old-timey language. I notice it less when listening to the audiobooks, but in older books the sentences are LOOOOOOOONG which is what makes them so hard to parse sometimes. And often in romance novels that take place in victorian or regency era they'll overdo the language to the point that it makes you roll your eyes (though I'm sure I've done that once or twice too)

ANYWAY I'M PRATTLING ON SORRY as for the plotting. I have a bare-bones skeleton that has all the larger plot twists in it, so I can make sure to foreshadow things. That being said, I think part of what's fun about a serial fic is coming up with things as you go while still having to stay true to what you've already written. One thing I will say is that it's EXTREMELY helpful to keep a couple cheat sheets: one is a timeline, which keeps track of all the events that happened in the past, when they happened, etc. The other is a list keeping track of what every character knows and when they find it out. It's saved me many times when I've forgotten who's aware of what secrets etc.

YOU'RE NOT NOSY AT ALL and in fact I'm seriously thrilled to get an ask like this bc i could talk about writing for days. I hope your fic goes well and that you have fun with it ^^

[sxdisticdemon]

anyone that didn't had gender dysphoria as a kid?

hey everyone, if you read this, please i want y'all to let out a doubt that made me question after i came out as ftm 4 years ago, or that one of you didn't realized stuff way later in life:

my mom and i we talked about my childhood today and that's making me doubt why i didn't had all the dysphoria signs like some/mostly transgender kids had in early age, basically when they start to understand gender roles and expressing themselves with toys and stuff

for example for me it was the opposite: i used to love dresses, dolls, barbies, princesses and stuff and i didn't bothered a bit about wearing anything feminine except for drawing myself as a boy in kindergarten unconsiously and misspelling my deadname almost as the one i choose (angelo) and daydreaming about being a boy, i wanted to grow out my hair till my back, never liked make-up at all, always had few female friends, barely had any male friend.

when i hit puberty, this is when i realized to have tiny bit of dysphoria towards my body and i barely remember if i was excited that i was about to "grow up" and "maturing" or that i was horrified of the idea of growing up as a "woman" (even though i remember i was disgusted of seeing my chest growing up, how my body was getting curvier, and getting sad of bleeding for the first time, i was 11-12, never wanted a chest or bleeding in my mind.), most of my childhood memories are blurred and i barely remember anything except for two vivid memories: one is myself asking my parents if i was a boy or a girl, and the second one is my mom and i going to the toys section and i pointed out at the male cars that i wanted to get, my mom refused to get me those because i was "female" and i got so upset to hear that.

those are the ones i can still remember, but even the kindergarten drawings i made it's making me question that i wanted to be a little boy instead of growing up as a little girl.

when i was in middle school, i had my first crush towards a girl and i still didn't knew about lgbt+ stuff back then, i didn't even got my first phone cause my parents were scared that my ex classmates will go and steal my phone, so i didn't actually had one till later.

anyway, i had this crush towards a girl and i didn't know why. probably i was still convinced to be a boy, but that i still kept going to dress feminine, then i started to question myself: "am i probably a lesbian??" then after a while i came out as a "lesbian girl" because i did research and convinced myself that i was just lesbian and not something else.

but then, later in the years i started to feel anxious, depressed and disgusted towards my body. i remember how i was dissociating when i see myself towards the mirror and say: "oh that isn't me" after years and years of repressing myself the thing i felt inside me, that i wanted to be a boy without realizing, felt like i was an alien towards everyone.

i was 17, year 2020, in the first months of that year i started to have dreams of myself as a man, remembering how comfortable i was of seeing myself that way and that's something i never realized, or... noticed before. i firstly told my online friends about it and that they doubt of what i told, though they were super acceptful! some of them knew me before i was trans, joined the internet before that. i then decided to make research and that one of my best friends online told me that i liked to be girly as a kid, liked everything i told above. but that for me, i never felt like a girl at all and i was aware during my childhood years. i always felt different from the other girls and i never found a word to express the stress i had on my body during puberty, but that i completely ignored it or never noticed it.

one ex friend of mine (that i won't make names) talked behind my back with one of my friends few years ago, telling me (it was just his excuse) that i was faking to be trans because i was "copying" him (this isn't true), that i always liked pink, liked girls, liked girly stuff and all of that. he basically stereotyped all of this. yes, i was stereotyped as a kid and i never expressed myself how i felt. and how i wanted to be. but that doesn't invalidate me of what i *did* as a child and when i was a teen. i'm still a man and a person, human being even after years later, even without having dysphoria signs in my early age.

going forward, this is when i felt for the first time strong signs of dysphoria towards my chest and body: i started to find a way to "bind" my chest via towels because i didn't still had sports bra yet, i still wore bras (eww). my mom realized it and she asked me why i was doing this, i told her: "i'm uncomfortable with my chest", and she was confused why i was uncomfortable with that part. lately i also started to hate my deadname and being called with prononus i used to have (for more context: i firstly used they/them after that because i thought i was just bigender (and questioning myself ofc), then he/him after realizing i was trans and making researches, plus watching few videos of trans people and made me realize i was and i'm a dude! lol because it's something i felt on my childhood but i repressed it), everytime i feel myself being called that i get a huge knot on my chest, i even told that i'd decide to write a huge confession via letter as a true coming out and remembering how much of a relief it was, after holding it for years. hell i even tried to cut my hair by myself and this it was also a realization that i'm a man, my mom also saw it and she got upset because i told her i wanted to grow up my hair, but that i completely failed, because again, i never felt like a girl in my entire life. i also had a phase of hyperfeminizing myself before the realization.

btw, my mom accepted me as a son, she started to call me with he/him prononus and never told me transphobic things/or being mad, besides she was concerned and worried, then she brought me to a "doctor" which in reality he was a sexologist. i took few appointments with him till he told behind my back to my mom that he was going to give a pill to remove hair and.. shark week. which my mom decided to remove me from this sexologist, though i wouldn't never take that pill without knowing what's inside. besides it was around summer of 2020, i was more or less at the start. then i stopped for a few years.

i also started to be dysphoric when going to the beaches/pools, never wanted to wear that top bikini and basically started to refuse anything that is pink. even after 4 years i still refuse to go to those places without feeling dysphoric by seeing shirtless guys around.

my mom then started to brought my first 2 sports bra and that it made me feel a little better that my chest was flat to make me feel like i have a male chest, but that it wasn't never enough. but also, i also got few male clothes and wearing them for the first time, it felt more like... me. it was such an europhic moment and comfiness towards these clothes, and then i got rid of dresses and anything i used to wear before i was trans.

i even told the entire internet i came out as ftm, and that everyone were acceptful and proud of me, this it was a relief, tho. even though i have to remember they're people who are closed minded and transphobic, and i have to get myself prepared for that.

anyway, i also told even my family members i'm a man, my aunt was acceptful, but my uncle was the opposite and confused why i wanted to be that, and how i wanted to be called. last christmas it was also horrible because of him and his horrible arguments (aka taking me for a fool and stuff), i won't tell much details because this post is already long and i don't wanna add anymore, if you wanna know, tell me in the comments.

so yes, thank you for reading my story and i hope someone will or was on the situation as me, i don't want to feel wrong and invalided because i took so long to realize who i am. if i did research before, maybe i could even realize it, but i didn't.

if i was told personally if i wanna go back, i'd tell and straight foward, no. i don't want to come back from who i used to be, faking myself to be someone i'm not, repressing again what i felt as a child... nope.

if i even get told i'd regret to transition later in life, i'd tell them that getting on T and getting top surgery are my biggest goals of my life, they save me from anxiety and su1c1d4l thoughts, even if they're hella expensive, so i need to save up money before that. i want to be comfortable in my own skin and be free being shirtless, especially during summer and go back to love going to the beach/pools, just how i used to be before puberty hit. i used to be shirtless as a kid and i remembered how free i was lol.

that person i used to be doesn't exist anymore, looking back at pics of little me, hell i don't even recognize me anymore. i was a different, fake version of myself all the time, wearing that dumb smile and making people tell i was happier back then, i wasn't, i never liked to be treated as the one i used to be.

i'm happier and comfortable to be a man, being called with the name i choose and with right prononus (sometimes they/them are also okay if anyone doesn't know my gender, if you guys do as you will read my bio and all, please use only he/him, thank you!)

oh again, reminder: being a man it's not because i want to feel much stronger, i just want to be myself. i can still be sensitive emotionally but i will still be a man no matter what, i cry a lot, and everyone can do that too.

if you read everything and ended up there. i appreciate you listening to me. hope you will have a good day/night :)

[promptcorner]

Hey, question: would you be willing to give us more about the dp x tfrb prompt? the one about danny/cody? Any hc or anything like that?

Sure! I’m currently working on a fic for it now, but I’m willing to share some head-cannons that won’t spoil anything.

I’ll do Cody first:

Since Cody was a Lad Pioneer (basically a Boy Scout) he would, like, be able to recognize a bird’s call and replicate it. I hc he would also have Brennan Lee Mulligan levels on bird facts, not just North American birds, but birds across the world.

Give him an audio recording of a bird call and he would tell you what bird it is, where it’s located, and all that jazz in seconds.

He’s a nature nut too, that’s cannon. But I imagine he has all the little guid books you can get in 4Winds (a fun thing my school did to get people into nature. They handed out these little book on pond life, birds, and bugs. There were a lot of them). He has Eagle Scout levels of this and beyond.

He would also know CPR, and other medical stuff, he has the training. We don’t see it in the show, but I believe he has the skill. It would be weird if he didn’t.

I also hc Cody knows how to cook. He’s not a chef by any stretch, but his home cooking is pretty good. His dad taught him how to use the grill. I like to imagine he cooks for the family sometimes.

I hc that when Codys’ super duper stressed he starts quoting rescue codes if the situation calls for it. Chase uses these codes more often, but Cody specifically uses them when under extreme stress.

Cody tends to notice the little things along with Frankie. It’s to the point he can spot a speck of dirt in a bucket of glitter. He would totally be the first to notice something is going on with Danny. He wouldn’t know it’s ghostly stuff, but he would hypothesize Danny is an alien.

And fun fact that I’m totally going to abuse in my fic, Danny and Cody both wear red and white sneakers in their respective shows. Like, their different, but the colors are still there. I noticed this one day while doing research. It’s almost like their inverted!

I find it funny that they have similar fashion senses.

Now for Danny:

Danny would find it funny that they have similar sneakers and go all middle schooler on the fact.

Danny would have heard of Griffin Rock from Tucker and his parents, but mostly from Tucker. Sam would appreciate the environmental side of the island. Danny would love the bots, but he wouldn’t know their aliens before coming to Griffin Rock.

Danny can’t cook to save his half-life but knows the Fenton Fudge Recipe. Heck, like his parents inventions, he makes it even better then them. He even knows how to make it vegan for Sam.

He is a tech genius and doesn’t even recognize it. He has great battle prowess too. That’s, like, cannon— but I like to think he would thrive in Griffin Rock with Frankie and Cody giving him words of encouragement and whatnot. The Docs would love to work with Danny and discuss tech; and later Tucker, Sam, and Jazz. Maybe other characters too. I also hc that he’s dyslexic, not dysgraphic. He can write very well, but his spelling and reading sucks. He may also have some undiagnosed ADHD.

He knows how to play the guitar and sing. He’s picked up a few things from Ember.

I hc he has freckles, their faint, but present. They glow in his ghost form when he’s filling an obsession, happy, or blushing. His Lichtenberg scars are faded, but darken when he’s struck with electricity in both forms. No new Lichtenberg scars will appear though, it’s like the already existing ones absorbed them.

I also hc he has weird heart stuff that only shows when connected to a heart monitor in human form. He can turn his heart on and off and be fine due to the ghostly stuff. He’s cold like Winter itself, the cold never bothered him anyway type deal.

He won’t be killed when drowned and stuff in human form, but that doesn’t mean he won’t choke and lose consciousness. He feels the pain, though, and hates it with a passion.

I hc that he has two obsessions, but he doesn’t know. No one knows. It’s just that rare.

I also hc that the Infinite Realms is a sentient being that has been watching over Danny since day one. He’s like their child.

Fun fact for the fic: The Realms are not the only ones watching Danny. :)

Danny and Cody have a lot of similarities that I would like touch on, but I’m going to save them for the fic.

Thanks for the ask!

Update! There is now a fic!

[misc-obeyme]

here to say i also agree with the other anon and love how you write mammon !! and if you do decide to finish one of those drafts, I'll def be the first to reblog! or at least I'd want to be lmaoo. I just love him so much 😭

I think I'm at lesson 73 in the game now?? I NEED to beat it before Tuesday, but my family is traveling tomorrow to mexico, and it's gonna be a long drive </3 minimum 14 hours, sometimes a full day if my dad naps. I'll have limited signal, but Google docs works offline so maybe writing time?! if I'm not asleep akskd.

also !! i wanted to ask if you have any favorite composers or music pieces? for research purposes of course 📝 👀

And I can't remember if you said you had a keyboard before you got the new piano, but if you do, what are the biggest differences? I'd imagine it sounds smoother and ... Crispy? (Is it hard to move a piano?? Like do they unscrew the legs to be able to get it through doors??)

you don't have to answer because I can totally google these things, but I also like seeing you talk about your piano akwkdjf

Hope you're doing well !!

- ✨ anon

omg, well maybe I will finish one of those stories... I had a handful of ideas from my last Mammon phase... okay, let's be real. I gotta stop calling them phases, the reality is that I just think about him a lot asdl;kdsfjkf. When I tell you I'm so obsessed with the Mams/Barb ship right now... it plagues me so much. BUT no my other ideas were x reader lol. And I don't know why I never finished them, I guess I got distracted? I think it was my OC's fault. In fact, I'm pretty positive it was. But even if it wasn't, I'm still blaming Arrie for everything.

AH you're SO CLOSE! I know I got really obsessed with getting through season four right before NB came out 'cause I was like, there is no way I am not having the full story before this new stuff starts! Anyway, I hope you're able to get there, even with the drive and lack of signal! I hope you have fun on your trip!

Hang on, you LIKE seeing me talk about my piano!?? I was like, man I must be so annoying about it lol. I'm happy to answer any such questions, but uh... just be aware you may be opening some flood gates!

OKAY I really rambled about this piano stuff, so I think I better put it under a read more just to save people from scrolling forever...

Now when you say composers, do you mean classical composers or more modern ones? Because if we're talking classical, the answer is Bach. Like that is a pretty standard response, probably. And maybe I'm a lil basic for being such a huge Bach fan, but I don't care. Beethoven was also excellent of course, but that guy was sooooo overdramatic, all his songs are like bombastic while Bach was like, nah it's all about keeping exact tempo. Most of my other classical music stuff is like... I have specific pieces from different composers that I like, rather than being really into one composer specifically. Like Mozart is great and all, but Fantasia in D is by far the best of his stuff as far as I'm concerned. OH but I do like most of Chopin's stuff, too. But nothing can top Bach for me asldkfj.

If we're talking piano solos specifically, though, you're gonna get mostly Beethoven. Fur Elise is like the classic piece that all piano students are taught at some point. Moonlight Sonata is another incredibly popular one from him. You'll also get a lot of Pachelbel's Canon in D, which is really boring imo. It can be fun to play if it's an unusual arrangement, but generally speaking trying to play that song puts me to sleep lol.

Now if we're talking more modern composers, my favorites are Ludovico Einaudi, Toshifumi Hinata, Alexis Ffrench, and Yiruma. This is like more modern piano solo stuff, though. All these people are still alive lol. But I love their piano music, listening to it really kind of informs how I play when I'm doing improv style stuff.

Though I feel I would be remiss if I didn't mention classic jazz piano stylings, too. I named my piano after one of my favorites, Hazel Scott. Jazz piano is insane and incredible and it always blows my mind. There are a TON of amazing jazz musicians. And you'll get a lot of good piano players that are not in the classical style too and who tend to span genres, such as Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles.

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure if that's the kind of rambling you were looking for on that first question lol! But feel free to ask me more specific things if you'd like!

As for the second part of your piano related questions, I did indeed have a keyboard before I got the piano. However, it's important to note that there are many different kinds of keyboards. The one I had was bought used and even before that, it would've been an extremely cheap one. I think you can buy a new one for like $400? Mine only had 76 keys (as opposed to the full 88 a piano has). And there are keyboards that come with even fewer keys (like 56 or something?). These are mostly good for classroom situations or where you only need to say, add a bit of piano into a larger song with other instruments. They do okay as a replacement for a real piano, but they're really not made for that.

However, there are keyboards in the thousands of dollars that I think are more commonly called "digital pianos" nowadays that are made to replace a real piano. I've never had or played one of these, so I'm not sure how obvious the difference of the sound would be. That being said, I've seen them used in concert situations many times. So I suspect the most expensive ones probably sound pretty close to a real piano. Or at the very least, they act more like a real piano does.

My cheapo keyboard still had keys that could sense how hard you were pressing them. And this let the keyboard know if you wanted your note loud or soft. But honestly it barely made a difference lol. I would think that kind of feature would be much better and higher quality on an expensive digital piano.

Similarly, my keyboard had an option of "grand piano" as the sound the keys produced. Digital pianos also usually have a grand piano setting, so they might sound more like a grand piano even if they're just a standard upright. The Yamaha Clavinova is a good example of a digital piano. It can range from like $3000 to $8000 depending on what version you get.

So I can definitely tell you the difference between the sound of a keyboard like my old one and the piano I have now, but there are a lot of versions of keyboards that might sound better than mine did.

The thing that really informs what a piano sounds like is the strings inside it. When you hit a key on the piano, a tiny little hammer (sometimes two) hits a string that's tuned to that note inside the piano. So the main thing a keyboard lacks is actual strings. It's just playing the sound of a string that was being hit somewhere else and then recorded. And a real piano is also heavily impacted by the environment it's in. If you've got a piano in a small space, with a lot of stuff around it, it might sound a little more muffled than if you had in a larger more empty space. That's more about the room's acoustics than the piano itself, though.

I think I know what you mean about "crispy" lol! Like the keyboard has a crisper sound. And yeah, it does, and also it doesn't ring quite as well. I got a sustain pedal for my keyboard, so it was able to hold notes a little longer, but it's nothing like the way it works for a piano. The sustain pedal on my piano is really amazing, it'll hold that note for what feels like a million years lol.

The piano is more resonant, there's more space for the sound to be creating within the instrument itself. I have an upright, but it's a tall upright. This is so that there's more room for the strings, kind of like a grand piano but instead of the strings being horizontal, they're vertical. Grand pianos always sound better. And you can open them to make them even louder, too. You can open an upright, but it doesn't have quite the same sound. It's very close, though, and honestly most people probably can't tell the difference lol.

And yes, it is hard to move a piano! They have to be transported by movers who are specifically piano movers. Because there's a lot that can go wrong if they're not properly handled or packaged. They're also heavy, so you need two strong peeps to do it!

How they do it depends on the type of piano. An upright will fit easily through most doors, so they don't have to take anything apart. A grand piano, on the other hand, is obviously incapable of going through a door at all, so it does need to be taken apart. I think they do take off the legs, so they can turn the top part sideways and move it through a door that way. So the strings aren't too disturbed, since that's the important part. Famous bands and musicians that use real pianos on stage have a whole crew for this specifically. If they want to use their own piano, they have to have a piano crew to move it from venue to venue for them. Most venues have a house piano, but a lot of musicians are picky about this kinda stuff. If they've got enough money to hire a crew to move their piano every time, they probably do. And they'll need to have a piano tuner in there, too, because inevitably moving a piano that often is going to require it to be tuned after nearly every move.

Pianos do better if they stay in one spot for the most part. They settle into their environment, not just the room they're in, but the strings and hammers sort of acclimate to the amount of humidity in the air and that kind of stuff, too. Generally, if you're just moving a piano to a new location that's nearby, you should be okay. But if you're moving it across states or into new climates or different altitudes, you'll want to get it tuned within two months of moving it. It just takes that long for it to adjust.

ANYWAY. I'm sure you now have WAY TOO MUCH INFO than you ever needed about this stuff asdflkjf. I don't get to talk about it all that often and honestly I didn't realize I had this much to say about it lol!!

I hope some of that helped and I apologize for getting so wordy about it!

I am doing well and I hope you are, too! 💕

[numbuh-72]

Jello Goober~!

It Me :3

Anyways, Questions Ahoy!

How Did Gianna Develop The Idea About Fashion?

Basically How Did She Start Getting Into It.

(Why hewwo fellow goober!~)

"Oh! I'm actually glad you're interested to know about how I got into fashion! Well say no more, allow me to tell my tale for you!"

"For those who don't know about my parents, I'll slowly get there, for now I'll talk about my mom since she's gonna be the main part of my story."

"My mother, Rosella, is actually a retired fashionista! Before I came into the world, she used to be a world known model and did shoots for magazines and modeled for fashion shows. She even had her own clothing line at one point! Every outfit she wore at her sessions, are all handmade by her! People would adore my mom and tried to date her at the time. Luckily, she knew those fans can be....different. Only my dad got lucky with her when he at one point helped do a photoshoot one time as a photographer! I'll talk a bit about him another time if someone is curious~"

"When I came into the world, despite having retired recently at the time, my mom still had that...fashion mindset and wanted me to look good in front of others. Some outfits were...ok? And some were...questionable. I guess to me, it didn't really feel like...me, if that makes sense. I wanted an outfit that can impress people...not by someone else, but by me."

"So, I decided to tell my mom one day and said I wanna take a crack at making some outfits of my own and see what I could come up with!"

"Day and night I would study and research on my own time, even observe outfits wherever I go. Just so I have some visual ideas on what I wanna go for. There were times when I even asked for fashion advice and how some picked on the outfit they wore!"

"After taking all the knowledge that was gathered, I got to work on drawing out the outfits and began the dirty work!"

(Fun fact about this sketch, the outfit on the left was Gianna when I first created her! She definitely had went through a change after having this for a very long time! ^w^)

"The first attempt, it was...ok? I had the color palette I wanted to go for and such. Yet...I don't know, I felt like...it wasn't really screaming me yet...it's there but not screaming completely. So, over the time by doing some more outfit researching for mainly inspiration, that's when I made my current outfit! After showing it off to my mom, she actually approved of it!"

"I was glad and to this day, my outfit has been the one to wear, with of course wearing different stuff on certain occasions. I actually have a wardrobe full of clothes that I'm still making as we speak, so far I got some for like the special occasions, like a dance party, or whenever I go out on dates with my girlfriend, or going to the beach~ The list just keeps going, hehehe~"

"But yeah! That's my story of how I got into dressing to impressing a bit!"

"Though word of advice to those who think that fashion is everything, it usually isn't for the most part. Whenever you put on an outfit, it's ususally expressing one on how they either feel, wanting to try something new or trending, trying out a color palette, and so much more!"

"You, as a person, have freedom of wearing whatever you wish, so long as it has some sort of meaning behind it and it's something you are comfortable in since it's made by you!" - Numbuh 72

[amysubmits]

You mentioned that when you brought up the D/s relationship to your husband, you sent him articles about it. Do you remember where you found those articles? My husband and I have been married 14 years, and together 19. We had a very limited sex life in the past due to sexual trauma I had from my previous relationship. I always had very bad feelings towards sex and viewed it as something that just hurt and the sooner it’s over the better and you just have to get him off to be done.

It wasn’t until I started reading erotica novels about BDSM that I even changed my view on sex and had my first orgasm…3 years after being married (5 years after I first had sex). Now I have a much healthier relationship with sex and I can have multiple orgasms, multiple ways.

My husband is very Alpha and amazing at making sure I’m taken care of and he prioritizes me and my safety. We’ve always sort of had that D/s dynamic. But I really want to go deeper into it. He’s open to discussing it. I just don’t know where to start other than the stereotypical stuff you see everywhere. I almost wish we had someone that could guide us and I don’t know how to bring it up to him that he needs a much better understanding of it just from having no familiarity of how in depth the dynamic is. The thing I’m mostly drawn to is the psychological aspect of it and when the Dom knows what the sub needs and demands it, regardless if the sub is aware what he’s doing. Thank you for all your posts and putting everything out there for people wanting to expand from a long term vanilla relationship to a new D/s relationship!

Hi there!

I'm so sorry that you've had the traumatic sexual experiences that have made it harder for you to find your way with your sexuality - but it's so cool that you've managed to do so now! Mine was a bit different from yours it sounds like, but it took me a while to figure out my sexuality due to trauma as well.

As far as what I shared with CD when I was first sharing the concept with him...

I came across the idea of domestic discipline (aka DD) before we knew about 'regular' D/s. It took a while before I realized that DD is basically a form of D/s. There's often a lot more D/s content out there than there is DD, so being limited to just knowing to search for DD made it especially tough. But anyway, the articles that I found early on where all on DD sites. There was some DD site that had a forum that was most of what I used as a reference from what I recall, and that site has since shut down. It was already really inactive by the time I was finding it like 10 years ago. But another that I can recall looks like it's still up. That is

I also recall a blog that was called A Shrew Tamed but I can't seem to find that. I think it may have been a Wordpress or blogspot blog?

That's what I recall starting with, anyway. While I gained a lot of info from those sources, I remember feeling frustrated that I couldn't find anything that was "spot on" for what I wanted. There are plenty of non-sexist DD people out there, but DD does bring in the sexist people more than regular D/s does, so there's a lot of sexism that can get mixed into most of the content I was finding early on... and that was always really offputting to me, but at the time it was the closest I could find to what I wanted. So I'd just share stuff with Cd but then point out the parts that I disagreed with or whatever. And he sometimes had additional parts that he disagreed with. So we had to kinda patch together our own path using some ideas from others but then crafting the rest based on our own ethics and needs and so on. Which I thought was kind of 'wrong' at the time, but I'm so glad we did that rather than feeling like we had to copy some guidelines from someone else that weren't right for us.

It took a ton of talking to get started, and that was pretty uncomfortable for me at the time as my communication skills were pretty bad and I had a lot of shame wrapped up in all of this so it was hard to talk about. But, to do D/s safely, I really had to get to a place where I could talk about it pretty in depth and openly so in hindsight, I'm glad that we did push ourselves to do all that talking. It was needed. Some of what we had to explore in depth were what both of us were wanting to feel about different aspects of D/s, what things we thought would give us those feelings and what things we thought would definitely NOT give us those feelings. And then once we started, we talked about what we were doing all the time in the beginning. CD wanted to know how everything he did felt to me, and we tried to keep adjusting if anything didn't feel good or right.

It's great that you know that a big part of what you're looking for is for your partner to know your needs and to prioritize them. Most likely, making it possible for him to know your needs in different situations will require you to share your needs with him a lot for a long time so that he can learn the patterns of what you need. And I know that sucks because a lot of times when we want someone to know our needs, part of what feels good is them 'just knowing' without us asking or telling, but realistically, our partners can usually only learn our needs in extreme detail like that, if a lot of communication happens early on.

It sometimes feels like CD 'reads my mind' and 'just knows' things - but that's almost always because at some point in the past, we openly discussed that need in some way or another. It also helps that he is very observant of my behavior and reactions to things, so he notices if I have a positive or negative reaction to something that happens or is said, and he tries to catalog that for future use. But that alone wouldn't be enough for him to know my needs most of the time.

I wish I had some specific article to point you to that would be exactly what you want, but I don't know of one. I do know that there's lots of great content here on tumblr that you could maybe use to send to your partner with commentary about what sounds good about it and what doesn't sound so good about it, the way I did with those early articles years go. I have a tag on my blog #vanilla to D/s that I use to tag any content I write or reblog that I think would be of interest to people transitioning from vanilla to D/s. @cherishedproperty has some of the best d/s content on tumblr in my opinion. Off the top of my head, I believe @tinybitsubby and @cybister015 are two more blogs you can follow for vanilla to D/s experience. And there are lots of others that are just good D/s examples even if they aren't vanilla to D/s. I tag most reblogs with #other writers if you want to browse that to see other blogs I've reblogged from and check out their content.

Hope this helps! If you have any additional questions come up feel free to reach out again. Best of luck to you guys. :)

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

Part 5

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Part 4 🟣 Part 6 

A reverse harem vampire AU ft. Mikey, Marshall, August and Sherlock

Series summary: Somehow, you've managed to live with your boyfriend and his roommates for months before finding out they're vampires, but the real shock first comes when they find out you have a special quality. A quality the guys would love to make use of...

Warnings: Mentions of blood, biting, vampire stuff.

Word count: 3.5k

A/N: Buttload of information incoming!

@geralts-yenn @deandoesthingstome @summersong69

Elective courses on vampirism. Mind reading gifts. Vampires appearing out of nowhere. The strange urge to offer yourself up as dinner you hadn't been able to stop. The term 'blood whore' wouldn't leave your thoughts. Part of you wished Marshall had never shared that with you. And the suggestion that you play walking buffet for four vampires... Now there was something that definitely rubbed you the wrong way.

Thirty minutes went by quickly as you thought about everything that had happened, and not even a second after you caught yourself violently curious and longing for information, there was a knock on the door.

"Mikey told me to tell you that you don't have to scream," Sherlock said as he stepped into your room. "How are you feeling?" The question sounded less feverish than half an hour ago in the living room; he'd obviously calmed down again.

"I'm good. How is everyone else?"

"Gone," he said, "I told them to hit the road."

"Thank you." The last thing you needed right now was Marshall and Mike digging around in your brain. "Where do we start?"

"Curious, huh?" Sherlock asked. "That's good. I say we go through the topics, and you point out the need-to-knows?” Actually, that didn't sound like a bad idea.

"I still can't believe I am taking vampire lessons out of necessity all of a sudden."

"I'm sure you can adjust," Sherlock said, "your curiosity is a perfect indicator for it."

"I mean..." You could tell you were beginning to blush. "It's definitely interesting."

"Certainly," he said. "Now, first of all; thank you. I don't think I've said that."

"You're welcome." You were surprised by how much you genuinely meant that. "How come you were in such rough shape?"

"I was away for research over the summer, there hadn't been an opportunity to feed for weeks. I used my last bit of strength to get home."

"What were you researching?"

"Oh, I'll need to talk you through four more courses to make it understandable." His tone was friendly, and it made you like him even more. He wasn’t a condescending dick, like August.

"Maybe later," you laughed.

"What do you know?"

"Mike and the others brought me up to speed on the garlic, how turning someone works, a little bit about the gifts. And your... Food sources."

"Alright, so the basics. And our version of 'the talk'." Yes, you confirmed, that was pretty much it. "Perhaps a basic rundown of what you are wouldn't be out of place."

"I was hoping that would be one of the topics, yes." You just hadn't been entirely sure that it was 101 enough.

"You have a right to know, but it might be a bit complicated. Some things I may not be able to explain today, I hope you can accept that without thinking of me as a condescending arse?"

"I'm familiar with August, so I'm no stranger to a little derision." Sherlock laughed at your remark.

"That's a fair point."

"Anyway, Marshall called me a 'natural', was it?" If you were this curious about your classes, you’d be a straight A student, you were sure of it. Unfortunately for you and your grades, vampires were a tad more interesting. Especially since you were apparently wired to be food for them.

"Yes."

"Because being a vampire snack comes natural to me? Or 'us', I guess?" You definitely sounded more casual than you felt about the whole situation. There was definitely a lot to talk about, a lot to unpack, and a part of you really just wanted to hide from it all.

"Yes and no. Let me..." He took a tablet from the bag you had never seen him put down in the first place, and pulled up actual lecture slides. "I am going to try to make this an A to B kind of story. I am also going to warn you I'm not very good at those. I probably won't have to tell you vampires aren't the monsters humans once believed us to be."

"Mike took care of that... It took a me a minute to get on board with that." There was no point in lying to him, especially since your education had seemed to be a massive redeeming factor up until now.

"You were raised by the opposition, then?" Sherlock chuckled softly.

"Very much so, homeschooled and everything." Sherlock raised his eyebrows upon hearing your answer, and commented on the fact that Mike had done a very good job at changing your beliefs about vampires.

"There's still a lot to unpack,” you said softly while looking at your hands. It was all strange and new, and you were long past the option of walking away and pretending none of this had ever happened.

"Indubitably." There was something heartwarming about Sherlock’s smile you couldn’t quite put your finger on. He was a handsome man, slightly older than the others, though not by much, with a certain serenity to him that came with years – possibly centuries – of experience. How anyone was able to concentrate with him as a professor, however, you couldn’t figure out.

Somewhere along the way, your subconscious decided it was time to start asking questions, and pushed one to the front of your mind: "How did I become the way I am?" Sherlock patiently explained that you were born that way: It was an unusual, though not rare, mutation.

"What does it do?"

"If you'll allow me more than a single sentence in between interruptions, I'll tell you." Another charming smile gave you the weird urge to giggle – but you suppressed it.

"Sorry, professor,” you said jokingly, and he answered with a chuckle.

"As I was trying to say; humans and vampires have been coexisting peacefully for several centuries. Mike wouldn't even know of a time where they didn't, the rest of us have memories aplenty, and some scars for good measure.

"We made it this far, because we gradually developed a symbiotic relationship with your kind. Now, normally, these types of evolution take far longer than just a few short centuries, and to this day we don't know just what accelerated this change. It's especially curious because your kind is, as I pointed out earlier, quite unusual.

"Now, most humans who voluntarily allowed us to feed ourselves found it exhilarating, a thrill. Which was understandable because there was a significant risk of dying. There still is."

"Excuse me? Mike assured me that the only way to die would be if he… chose to…" Had he been lying to you when he said that dying wasn’t something you needed to worry about in your little experiment? You immediately felt embarrassed for asking. The details of your sex life were none of Sherlock’s business, after all, and you’d rather avoid this topic of conversation altogether – but it was too late for that, now.

"Ah, right. Bear with me for a moment, please? That relationship between vampires and naturals I described, tackles precisely that problem, and the one of the significant pain a normal human donor usually feels."

"Pain? There's no..."

"Not for you, not beyond the pain of the bite itself. For a normal human, even weakened venom would be painful. To willingly go through that would be indicative of serious masochistic tendencies." Sherlock also explained that this was precisely the reason that ‘unmedicated administration of bites’ – as he called it – was something usually reserved for erotic purposes. You appreciated the clinical, professional approach he took to explaining what was – in essence – more kinky vampire shit.   

"So when I offered without thought, you knew?"

"I suspected, and I do have to admit I was prepared to confirm my theory. Then I saw Mike's face. Marshall's commentary confirmed my suspicions. I'm fairly sure he got confirmation from Mikey's thoughts directly."

"And how does my… Condition… Tackle the problem of being drained?" Was ‘condition’ the right word? Existence? Nature?

"A fair question that's kept us occupied for quite some time. It wasn't a secret for long that some humans not only felt no pain when fed on, but also didn't seem to run out of blood. You can imagine what a commodity you were. Large sums of money were involved in the trade of your kind. You were stolen, wars were fought over you. Not to mention the crusades against you as much as us, because humans believed your kind's specific purpose was to feed vampires, and they believed that voluntary feeding was of the devil. They tried everything in their power to keep our feeding practices a crime."

"I'm afraid my family is still in that camp…" You shuddered at the thought of your parents finding out about your current living arrangements, let alone them finding out you were anything other than the perfect little girl they thought they had raised.

"Then I can't tell you how glad I am they never found out about your nature." Sherlock had an apologetic look on his face when he said it, and you decided not to push the matter, but it did make you feel uneasy. Luckily, it wasn’t hard to move on from the subject when the next question popped up in your mind.

"What causes it?"

"Right, the actual answer to your question. Your blood contains a chemical that, when it comes into contact with our venom, creates two other chemicals; one of which accelerates the speed with which your blood regenerates to the point where a vampire can't feed faster than you… replenish. Experiments have been conducted with two of us feeding simultaneously, and results showed it was not only dependent on the amount of venom in your system, but also a matter of habituation."

"Like… Breastfeeding?"

"An interesting choice to describe a basic supply and demand economy, but yes, and also very much no. Do you mind if we skip the technicalities for now?" He emphasized the fact that this would become a very lengthy conversation very rapidly if he were to explain everything in detail, though he didn’t want to put you off asking for further explanations, if that was what you really wanted. For now, however, you were good with the basics.

"If you bite me, I make blood faster, got it." The questions just kept coming, and you were really glad to not have asked for more details, because you were sure your head would overflow with information by the end of this talk, anyway. “What did Mike mean when he said he’d have to… drain me on purpose? mean, he didn’t know what I was at that point. Did he lie to me?”

“Ah, right. He didn’t lie. You see, he wasn’t feeding at the time. There would have been no reason for him to drink a large quantity of blood. Does that answer your question?" You nodded in reply to his asking. “Perfect. Moving on to the other chemical. That’s what is responsible for the… It’s been described as a ‘warm, fuzzy feeling’ you experienced during the… exchange. That one has an effect on us, too, if we take it in. It causes the overwhelming urge to take care of and protect you.”

“That’s what that was?”

Sherlock smiles apologetically. “Yes, it was. I’m sorry for not explaining it then and there, but it’s a very strong sense of protectiveness, and it had been a while since I’d fed in general, let alone from a natural. I was a bit preoccupied.”

“It’s okay,” you said, and you meant it.

“That chemical is also what made you so inclined to offer to let me feed. It was a rather strong urge, wasn’t it?” Indeed, it had been. So strong, even, that you doubted whether or not you would have been able to ignore it.

“And those things don’t happen when feeding on a normal human?”

“Indeed it doesn’t. We’ve managed to synthesize the chemical that serves as a painkiller and makes regeneration faster, which is what we now use to allow for safe feeding. But we haven’t been able to recreate the other one. Again, I unfortunately can’t tell you why. Efforts have been made. I suppose it’s hardly necessary to recreate that one, in fact it would be counterproductive to elicit that effect on purpose. Oh well…”

“So, voluntary feeders aren’t in pain, and you don’t have to worry about them afterwards. That sounds like a better deal than feeding on a natural.”

“It isn’t. It’s always better than feeding on an unwilling donor, or someone in pain – who isn’t enjoying that pain. But your kind have…”

“The a5 Wagyu of blood?” You couldn’t quite figure out whether or not that sounded like a brag, but it was out now, time to just roll with it.

“Exactly.”

"And feeding on another vampire? How does that compare? How is it even possible?" You were starting to feel awkward about your relentless curiosity, but Sherlock assured you that it was no problem whatsoever.

"Ah. We'll keep it simple. You know vampires drink blood."

"Obviously, I was lunch not even an hour ago." As if you could ever forget the most basic bit of vampire knowledge out there.

“Right. Logically, vampires can feed on anything that has blood.” “So vampires have blood?”

“Correct. Our metabolism works differently; it processes blood we drink and turns it into our own, which then functions as the fuel for our bodies. It’s as fulfilling as human blood, but the only way for us to come by more of it is to feed. We don’t make more blood. We also don’t taste as good. Alright, we taste very bad.” Sherlock laughed, and it sounded almost sarcastic.

“And human food?”

“That tastes absolutely fine, but metabolizing costs far more energy, because our system isn’t wired for it. It takes about five times as much food to sustain us than it does you.”

It looked like it was finally time to ask the question you’d been avoiding: “When Mike said you all hoped…”

“Ah,” Sherlock wasn’t surprised you asked the question. “When you said ‘McBloodDrive’, that wasn’t far off – conceptually. But it lacked a lot of depth and feeling. I understand your resistance to the idea, but would you allow me to explain?”

“Isn’t that why we’re here?” You tried to conjure up a smile – and failed miserably.  

“Good point. Where to begin… First of all; it’s like you said. You have the blood-equivalent of A5 Wagyu running through your veins. Can we at least agree it’s understandable they want a taste of that?” Alright, you couldn’t deny that without lying… “So part of it is a bit of jealousy towards Mike.”

“Mikey doesn’t… He hasn’t…” You felt a blush creep onto your cheeks again at Sherlock’s suggestion.

“He would have asked sooner or later,” Sherlock said, sounding fairly sure of himself, “knowing Mike, it would have been sooner rather than later.” Even you had to admit that that sounded entirely plausible.

“Besides, most humans get curious at some point. I mean. You did.” He made a vague gesture at your neck.

“Are you saying I would have asked him to feed on me at some point?”

“There’s a very strong possibility.” You had to admit you’d been curious, and as much as you hated to admit it now, there had been a part of you that had been wondering what it felt like if someone were to feed on you. Of course the events of this afternoon had satisfied that curiosity – but there was still definitely something inside you that wouldn’t mind doing it again.

Sherlock then went on to explain that these relationships were not just for the benefit of the vampires, but also for your kind. Adverse effects for you were minimal if not nonexistent – though in the olden days, a natural would have been expected to be available without question, at all times. You, however, still couldn’t fathom being anything other than…

“A McBloodDrive?” he asked with a sardonic chuckle. You shrugged. It was really the only thing you could come up with.

“You’re underestimating the nature of the relationship. They are really rather intimate – it’s inescapable. You wouldn’t simply be a food source. Dear Lord, how do I explain this… I can’t do this well, I’m sorry. I think I may need the others. Are you okay with that?” You nodded. Sherlock gave them a quick call, asking them to come back to the apartment before returning to your conversation.

“And… They were gunning for a steady thing, right?” The answer to your question was affirmative. From here on out, the questions that bubbled up in your mind were no longer coherent, the next no longer a continuation of the former – it was a mess, that was the only way you could describe it.

“Those… arrangements… are they common?”

“They are not. In fact, they’re quite rare. Many naturals capitalize on their assets, so to speak.”

“You can make money off it?”

“Oh yes. Quite a lot, too. Some of us pay good money for a steady arrangement with one of you.” He explained a type of relationship that was very reminiscent of a sort of sugar daddy type of setup – not something you were interested in at all. Others, he said, were just able to afford regular feedings from naturals, but the general setting for the establishments that offered those services was much more relaxed, more comfortable, and much more exclusive and therefore less crowded.  

“These arrangements… what are they like?” you asked when he explained all of this to you.

“What are you really asking me?” By now you had definitely learned that not much escaped this guy’s attention.

“Is it a sex thing?” You felt blood rush to your cheeks as you asked your question, but you had to know. And you didn’t find it weird, either.

“Is that what this afternoon felt like?” You quickly shook your head. That definitely hadn’t been sexual, although it was absolutely very intimate.

“The intimacy is a given in the kind of situation you would end up with us.” He said ‘us’, you noticed, so he wasn’t opposed to the idea, either. He did express that there was a possibility that such agreements occasionally did lead to deeper feelings of intimacy between participants. It led you to question whether one of you and four of them would be weird, to which Sherlock answered that the other way around would be much stranger.

“Have you ever been involved in such an arrangement?” you asked carefully. Your curiosity was really getting the better of you, and you didn’t know if you could contain it any longer. “You don’t have to answer! I don’t mean to pry. If it’s personal, by all means, don’t tell me.”

“It’s alright, darling, it is personal, but I am more than happy to share the story,” he said. It answered your question; it was obviously a ‘yes’. “It was just over five hundred years ago.” That shocked you, and you realized you had never asked the guys how old they were. Your surprise must have been apparent, because Sherlock answered the question you had never dared ask.

“I am just under nine hundred years old,” he said, “Marshall and August a little over four. Mike was born in the sixties.”

“He’s just a baby?” Somehow you found that incredibly endearing.

“Don’t say that to him. August would be quick to agree with you, though.” Sherlock let out another one of his dark chuckles. The sound of them was incredibly soothing.

“Where were you five hundred years ago?” you whispered. It seemed like such a strange thing to ask.

“English court,” he answered, “serving as a court physician under Henry XIII. The first Duke of Suffolk – Charles Brandon – was one of us, and he had… procured one of your kind – don’t ask me how, I have no idea and I doubt I want to know – to feed on. For services rendered he offered me… access, so to speak. It was a rather clean-cut business arrangement, as impersonal as could be. He refused to allow me to tend to her, afterwards, which made it hard on me, occasionally.”

“How so?” you asked, wondering out loud what would have happened if you had told him to back off.

“Nothing would have happened, per se, but it is a very strong, uncomfortable feeling of needing to do something, desperately wanting to take care of someone, and not being able to. It soured my mood rather thoroughly.” He chuckled softly again, but the sound had a melancholic ring to it, this time. The memories clearly struck a chord with him, still, and you weren’t surprised at all when he changed the subject.

“The others will be back soon,” he said hoarsely before clearing his throat, “I suggest you take another minute, because this wasn’t the last long talk of the day, I’m afraid.”

[arl3kinka]

Hello :D do you have any p1 Dude headcanons?

hi hi.

oh boy, I thought I had a few, but after I sat down to write them just realized I might have a bit too much more than what I’ve expected, haha.

POSTAL 1 DUDE; headcanons

first of all! some headcanons make reference of how he was before the first game, so trying to apply them to the guy who’s terrified, sitting on the floor while hugging his gun would be pretty useless

also, if instead of a hyphen there’s a star it’s to address DID in Dude (I don’t have DID myself and I’m not close to somebody who has DID, all I know is from research I’ve done myself, so if there’s something wrong please tell me.

if you’re not into the DID idea just ignore the stars.

anyway, here we go:

✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪✪

— Before what happened in 1997 I think he was still a disaster, but a bit more functional.

I’m not gonna dig a lot into how he was while growing up, but he’s an only child that comes from a christian yet dysfunctional family, so after he finally had enough saved money and the legal age he moved to another city (not Paradise) to start again and never looked back, probably with a bit of help coming from Uncle Dave, the only family member that cared about him.

★ P2’s been with him since he was a kid/pre-teen. P1 doesn’t really knows who or what P2 is and at first is pretty much afraid, thinking he’s a demon of some kind. But after a while and seeing how he stands up for him (when he’s unable to defend himself, make friends, etc) and he’s not really trying to harm him he relaxes for a bit.

— He’s always been pretty much a loner, but not to the point to isolate himself completely. He had a tiny group of friends who were also as “weird” as he was who were also into the alternative/goth subculture. Those were probably the best years of his life.

But still, following the last point, I also think he’s one of those people that when they feel bad they isolate themselves for some time and then come back like nothing happened. It usually worked, until it didn’t.

— I have no idea of where I readed I don’t know if it was the Wiki, TV Tropes, in a reddit comment or somewhere else but I think that during the development of “Postal” the Postal Dude was around 27 years old. I don’t know if it’s true, but I’ll go with that.

And, to add some more flavor, I don’t remember if it was Tumblr or Reddit, but somebody had the headcanon that the 14 of November, the day the first game begins, it’s also the Postal Dude’s birthday.

I can’t remember who had such a good idea but I love it way too much, I love angst with all my heart so now it’s my headcanon too.

(if I see the original headcanon again I’ll give credits to the person)

— [ tw // mentions of drugs ] Definitely smokes both cigarettes and weed, but the last one just from time to time. Has tried acid or mushrooms but rather stick to weed.

He hasn’t done crack or anything too heavy, not before 1997.

— He has little to no idea of how to cook. He can do some basic stuff to survive, and he has tried following a recipe in the past, but it’s definitely not his best . Not like he enjoys it either.

�� His body: pretty tall. He has a bit of a complex with his height, finding clothes of his size can be complicated and it’s a bit awkward too.

His body is a bit built (he does some work out because of the idea that somebody can attack him at any moment is enough to make him try to learn some self defense alone in his room). Compared to P2 he's has more corporal mass, but not as much as P3 would have. He's an in between. Not skinny but not fat either.

He’s also pretty pale. Not because he can’t get tanned or anything, but because he would rather go out when the sun is already setting or during night or, in general, prefers to stay at his house.

In general he’s one of those people you see on the street and catch your attention: it’s not always that you see a really tall guy with long ginger hair.

— He doesn’t cut his hair because he likes how it looks on him but also because he’s too lazy (and anxious) to go to a hairdresser. He sometimes cuts it himself, and since he has no idea there have been times it ends up disastrous, but since I think his hair is a bit wavy it doesn’t look really bad.

He also doesn’t maintains it really well, he only uses shampoo and, maybe, one of those 3 in one bottles and that’s all. If it’s really cold he dries it with the hairdryer, but rarely does so.

— His handwriting is HORRIBLE. Not like if it’s like hieroglyphics, you can read it, but it’s just really ugly (the diary/war journal entries is how he writes, but since he was pretty stressed and scared it’s a bit more agitated). Also makes too much pressure, not to the point of ripping of the paper but you can feel it on the other face of the sheet surface if you brush it with your hand.

Likes to write for himself, it’s therapeutic and the best way to cope, the less harmful to himself too.

— Following the last point he also likes to make some doodles, especially when bored. Nothing too serious though, the typical thing you do when you’re in class bored and you only have a pen in hand and a paper. You’ll see plenty of them that decorate his notes and diaries. They’re a bit chaotic, his traces being a bit messy.

— If he was accepted in RWS he might have some knowledge about the videogame industry or related. Not sure of what, probably graduated in some studies about it. Maybe a programmer? I dunno.

— Definitely neurodivergent. Either autistic or ADHD. Or both.

His main interests being weapons, movies and videogames. Predilect genres? Terror and horror. He’s not much of a reader though.

On a side note, easily overwhelmed with people he’s not close with touching him (or in general, he’s not opposed to it but would rather if the other person asked for permission) and large crowds, and the main reason he wears he started wearing sunglasses it’s because sensitivity to bright lights.

Still, he’s undiagnosed so he has no clue why he’s like that and why can’t he be normal, sometimes thinking he’s a bit dramatic. His group of friends also had other neurodivergent people who he could rely on so he didn’t feel that bad after all.

— He hated going to clubs for that same reason, even the more alt ones. Too much noise and people. He probably went there because of his friends and enjoyed it for a little while, but would’ve rather been doing anything else.

★ P2 liked it more than him, so when they made plans with their friends he was the one who was in control most part of the time.

— He’s the kind of person that I think would listen to pretty much everything, but definitely his favorite genre is hard rock and metal and its sub-genres: goth metal, black metal, grunge, industrial, you name it. Maybe nu metal it’s not really his thing.

Still, he jams pretty much everything so you could catch him singing a Spicegirls song and he would deny it with his life.

★ It’s in fact P2 who prefers nu metal and wouldn’t care what he’s listening to. Would probably tease P1 about it though.

P2: “You’re listening to Madonna? I thought you didn’t liked pop”

P1: “...shut it”

p2: “Whatever you say edgelord… "LIKE A VIRGIN JUST, LIKE THE VERY FIRST TIME- ♪"”

— He’s bisexual, but still in the closet and pretty deep in there. He has done a few things with other guys but nothing too serious or further than making out probably. Partly because he has some internalized homophobia from the family he comes from (in himself! would never judge or care is one of his close ones was in the queer community) and because generally he sucks at dating.

★ Again, P2 is more open about it than him, and probably the one who had those interactions with other guys, but since P1 was not really uncomfortable with the subject he never went too far.

P2 tried to talk to him about it, but P1 just refuses.

— Also, how did I forgot to mention this? Religious trauma.

Now, he has a weird relationship with his christianity and beliefs, his morals, and how he views himself since he was teached to be a good christian, and he kinda wants to be good at the eyes of God, but at the same time he’s into too many stuff his parents told him they were satanic and bad. He has mixed emotions about it, it’s like he wants to let it go, but he’s unable to do so.

To him the cross he carries around his neck is not for the aesthetic, but he’s not because he’s a good christian either. And when he’s feeling at his worst? It’s like a dog collar, reminding him how all the trauma his family beliefs have harmed him, but at the same time he cannot let it go for some reason. It’s like an abusive relationship both with himself and with his religion, if he even believes in it. It’s complicated to understand? He’s just as confused as you are.

Maybe the problem it’s not the religion itself, maybe it was his family and now because of them he can’t really feel comfortable praying (even if he sometimes finds himself doing so on the nights of rough days) or having a normal relationship with his christianity. Whatever it is, he’s traumatized.

★ And P2 doesn't helps either. He just does not cares about it and when he sees P1 having a breakdown about it, knowing how hard the subject is for him, just prefers to not to get involved, because, anyways, what can he do to help him? He just does not know either, it’s something he has to resolve himself. He cannot help him in everything.

P1 sometimes has called P2 a demon during his attacks, and even if he just ignores it it’s true that it can get annoying after all the times he has tried to help him, and every time they had a fight about it P1 ended up worse, so P2 decided to not get involved any more time for that too.

— I think he’s both shy and introverted, but don’t misinterpret me; not shy in a cute bean who gets all nervous and blushy. No. More in the staring at the person like if he was a deer in front of the lights of a car type of shyness, trying not to get too nervous, and after a few seconds he responds to whatever that person said or asked, hoping it wasn’t too cringy or awkward. He usually gets like that when he’s interested in a person (doesn’t matter if it’s platonic or romantic) and doesn’t want them to get weirded out by him

More introverted than shy, that’s for sure.

— If he’s having a good day his neutral face just looks tired, in his worst I doubt anybody would be able to get to see him because in those days he locks himself in his house and refuses to go out, but if it’s the case (probably the clerk of a shop because he ran out of food) it’s a mix of anger and fear (mainly due paranoia and hallucinations, trying to put and angry face to make the others don’t bother him).

— He could be INFJ (Ni Fe Ti Se) or INTJ (Ni Te Fi Se). If that was the case I think it would be due to Se grip.

I could go more into details because I really enjoy MBTI and see how its functions work on fictional characters.

★ Not the same as P2 of course, but that's a story for another day.

— Pretty much stoic, but on the inside? A mess of emotions he does not know how to untangle correctly. He can get emotional when he’s alone, but that’s a part nobody would ever see of him. He’s not going to let anybody see him in such a vulnerable and weak state.

— Now, returning to the main point. I could really go into details of what or why I think it could have happened for him to literally go postal, but I think the main point is that he moved to Paradise trying to escape from his life. And you may ask “but you said those were the happiest years of his life!” yep, completely, but there can be a few things that alone could have been bad but tolerable, but too many of them make them unbearable: maybe he distanced himself from his friends, had to move somewhere cheaper because of money, his mental health going downhill, etc.

The thing is, he moved to Paradise, and it was probably his worst mistake.

Uncle Dave lived there, that’s why he chose that city, but even with that he had almost no contact with him besides the first few days? He was on his own, alone again.

— Ironically, I think he actually worked for a post office. It’s the only job he could find.

— Both his physical and mental state got way worse. He’s never been a really healthy person, but still tried to take care of himself at least a bit. Going out only when heavily necessary and, after a while, not even going to work anymore. That's when he really ran out of money and got the terrifying letter: he got evicted of his “safe place”. Was his house even a safe place at this point? He couldn’t feel safe anywhere anymore.

He could have called Uncle Dave, but at this point? He was just so disconnected with reality he didn’t know what to do.

★ P2 saw him fall and had no idea of what to do at this point. He was tired of trying to help him so he just ignored. P1 felt so bad that, even if he find P2 annoying at times it was the last thing he needed, the last familiar thing he had disappeared hurts him to the core.

— [ tw // mentions of self-harm ] Even if writing in his journal really helped him to calm down during bad days it doesn’t mean he didn’t do other more harmful things to himself when he was at his worst. Before moving to Paradise he handled it better, he was able to tone it down pretty much since he moved from his parent’s house, but after everything got so overwhelming again? He doesn’t know any better. And the worst part of it? Finds it both comforting and thinks that he deserves all this suffering. For everything. For moving away from his parents, maybe they were right after all. For being a bad christian, God, if he hasn’t done it already, would probably turn his back the day he has to pass Heaven's gates. For after being so happy and having friends and thinking he was getting better and how he throwed all out the windows. It’s all his fault, and he knows it, but he can’t bring himself to do anything, not even therapy, and cannot call his friends. Nothing. The world’s still going on without him. He just feels like when he was a kid, but worse.

★ And here’s where he appears: the Other Dude (to me not the same as P3). He’s shows him his most intrusive thoughts, those who make him feel sick. OD slowly persuaded him to do horrible things not to himself, but the others. He’s twisted and manipulated everything, every little hope he had. P1 confused P2 with OD at this point, and was the one who made P1 get out of his house after a really long time, but with a gun in his hand, ready to kill everybody who made him feel so miserable and worthless. At this point he’s just gone.

At first, ironically, P2 tried to get in the middle of it, a bit confused of what or who OD was. Why he was so similar to himself? How long has he been there? But even OD persuaded him at some point.

Both P1 and P2 were tired of the way they were living and feeling. So why not change it?

I’m not sure who’s the one who got out of the house ready to cause a massacre, if P1, P2 or OD, but the thing is they all agreed at some point.

— I know this is going to be a bit weird, but I don’t think the whole game stages are real? It sounds weird, but let me explain: you really think a guy who has been locked inside his house for so long, having horrible hallucinations, almost no sleep (and if he had any, probably full of nightmares), not taking care of himself is really going to go too far? It does not matter how many weapons he may carry, it’s practically impossible.

Maybe the first 2 or 3 stages, but not much more before the police/militars/whoever it was got him at some point. The others only happened in his head, his mind going ahead of him, overthinking, and lately, his guilt getting over him.

By this I’m not saying he’s less of a horrible person, he did what he did and it’s sickening, it does not matter how bad he was feeling, killing people who have nothing to do with you and your problems is not the answer. Even if they were the cause, it’s not the solution.

— Leaving aside that all the “Postal” games are usually a parodies of real life and black humor (asides from the first game and “Postal Redux”) and taking it for something more serious, I don’t think “Postal Dude” it’s the name of the Postal Dude.

It was a nickname given both by the survivors of the massacre and the media.

— Also, after what he did he was everywhere. In the newspapers, in the TV, in the radio. That’s how Uncle Dave and the group of friends he had back in the city he lived before found out. But how could he? He was such a nice, quiet guy… he wouldn’t hurt a fly!

His group of friends, who since he moved without saying anything, didn’t pick up their calls and in general ignored them and decided it was for the best to just let it be.

Uncle Dave, on the other side he was worried. What the hell happened during all those years they were separated? It couldn’t be something he decided overnight, there had to be something more, right?

— He got his hair shaved at the asylum. After that he didn’t had it that long in his whole life.

— He got locked in the asylum, and being locked in there, alone again with his thoughts, it was dead of him. Metaphorically speaking.

★ P1 went dormant, refusing to think of what he has done, or at least accepted to do. He couldn't take all that blame, it was impossible. Every time he remembers it he wants to puke. He now really want to be dead. There’s no way he can redeem himself from that, God definitely has abandoned him. OD also disappeared. He just provoked all of this and now what? He accomplished what he wanted, where is he? He bring out the worst part of P1, was he trying to corrupt him and breaking him was not in the plan or was the plan breaking him from the start?

Whatever it was left P2 alone, also feeling guilty of what he has done. He does not feel as bad as P1 but he also cannot feel happy as OD probably feels. What they’ve done it’s horrible, but how OD manipulated them to do it? Even worse. Even for P2 whose morality is more gray-ish than P1s.

He hates it, he’s locked in there with the hallucinations and barely speaks to P1 because he’s completely broken and refuses to do so. Now it’s the other way around. He’s growing resentful to him too for that, they’re both cupid, can he at least make him some company? Like he did when P1 was a child too? It’s unfair.

He has something clear though: if OD ever shows his ass again he will NOT let get on him like he did. And even if he’s annoyed at P1, not even him.

— After some time Uncle Dave brings himself to visit him. At first it was so grim. Dude felt so horrible for his actions he couldn’t bring himself to even look at him, but after some more visits, therapy and meds he started to light up a really tiny bit. It was something.

★ It was not really him, P1 was pretty much not wanting to know anything from the external world, it was P2 who decided to take the lead. P1 didn’t wanted to live anymore? Fine, he would take his chance then. To live the life he never could since he’s always been on P1 mind, rarely being the one in control.

Maybe he was pretending, or maybe he genuinely wanted to get better, but the thing was: he wanted to get out of there, if there was a chance to do so, he would try it. At first do what the workers said, and if that didn’t work he would escape. He does not care. He wants to try to live.

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okay I got a bit too carried away- I’m sorry-

hope you liked them! I’m not really skilled nor do I have practice when it comes to creating headcanons about characters even if I have a few ideas.

I’m thinking about posting a few more in a future,, but school work is killing me-