#anyway my opinion is pretty much entirely negative and it’s best to assume that none of their fuckups surprise me

[mermaidsirennikita]

i am a bit suprised they're going to be so bold as to have 2 white couples back to back when a big selling point for the show is having a non white person as a lead in a period drama romance. benedict and sophie are right there, they've cast a black actor for john so we're getting a black michael at some point (if the show goes beyond season 4) it just feels very.... like they don't care anymore. although it's debatable how much they cared in the first place i suppose.

I’m not surprised. The diversity of the show was pretty low effort and surface level. And tbh, I find the idea of plug and play leads of color pretty negative itself. When I did engage with the fandom, there was a lot of “well, Michael needs to be East Asian because they haven’t had an East Asian lead yet”. Lmao what? He *has* to be? He can’t be any other race because the show needs to have a “gotta catch ‘em all” mindset? Because there are sooooo many romantic lead roles for Black people and South Asian people and now Bton has given them their due and it’s on to the next good deed?

I personally think Benedict and Sophie’s romance, as it were, is pure ass, and I don’t know that there is a way to sell “woman of color being abused and suffering until she is rescued by local rich white guy who is also essentially her employer” in a great manner, so. Should Sophie be a woman of color? Does the show have the chops to handle that without essentially changing everything about her story (no). Imo, between the lack of queer representation on the show and the incredible dubiousness of that plot line, and again, the fact that Benedict is boring (I may not like Eloise much but she has a much more established role on the show) it actually makes total sense that they’d go for her and Philip. If they do. And that will be a mess too, but it’s a mess with a much clearer blueprint than Benedict’s story.

[octerminal]

Avoiding the ME1 LI Romances

...And also what to do if you’ve already triggered them.

This is a post I’ve been wanting to remake forever, and with the remaster around the corner I thought now was a good time to finally get on it.

A few things first: I say “avoiding the ME1 LI romances”, but in reality this is mostly going to be about Kaidan and Ashley. While there are a few ways around Liara’s romance I’ve discovered, I have never been able to find a simple way to avoid triggering it. (I’ll get to that later.)

This post will be split into three sections: Kaidan, Ashley, and Liara. Kaidan and Ashley’s sections specifically will go over how to avoid triggering their romances entirely, and then the dialogue choices you need to take if you want to end the romance if it’s already been triggered. I have also included a few bonus things for the both of them, such as avoiding the flirting during the scenic view cutscene in the Citadel Wards. For Kaidan specifically, I have also included content about his mechanics in ME3.

Please note that most of these have been accomplished on console. I have gotten several PC users who do attest that, at the very least, Kaidan’s portion works for them. But on the off-chance that platform influences other parts of Kaidan’s, or Ashley and Liara’s, I thought it was worth mentioning. It should also be said that, obviously, these are all using the original games as a basis, though I am not expecting MELE to change any of this.

I will also be using both my Kaidan transcript and Ashley transcript as reference for their dialogue. I recommend following along there if you find Tumblr’s formatting confusing.

Final note before we begin: this post is not an open invitation to hate on any of these characters. ME1 is turning 14 this year and ME3 recently turned 9. Anything you have to say about these characters and their romance mechanics has already been beaten to death, brought back to life, and beaten to death again. No one wants to hear it, least of all me. Please keep your comments to yourself and be civil.

KAIDAN

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

Kaidan’s romance can be triggered after the first main mission has been completed. For many players, I imagine this is Therum, but it really doesn’t matter which mission it is.

Kaidan will prompt the conversation, as he will for every other post-main mission conversation so long as his romance remains active. This conversation will be about his time at Brain Camp. You can read the conversation in his transcript if you find it easier to follow along, though I have done my best to format this post as cleanly as possible.

KAIDAN: Commander, do you have a minute?

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It makes no difference yet.)

KAIDAN: Off the record, I think there’s something wrong here. This Saren is looking for records on some kind of galactic extinction, but we can’t get backup from the Council? Sorry, Commander. There’s writing on the wall here, but someone isn’t reading it.

SHEPARD: (Again, you may choose whatever dialogue option you want. It still makes no difference yet.)

>FIRST CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

KAIDAN: I hear ya. It - It just seems like a group that’s been around as long as the Council should see this coming. It’s funny. We finally get out here and the final frontier was already settled. And the residents don’t even seem impressed by the view...or the dangers.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Zip it, Lieutenant.): I’m sure your letters home are very poignant. Just keep this kind of sentimentality out of the CIC.

KAIDAN: Yes, ma’am. Sorry to have wasted your time. I’m right about the mission, though. I know it. (The conversation will end here and his romance will not trigger.)

>SECOND CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

SHEPARD (Paragon - Cute way to look at it./Neutral - An old-fashioned view.): Well, well. You’re a romantic. Did you sign on “for the dream,” Alenko? Secure man’s future in space?

KAIDAN: Heh, yeah, I read a lot of those books when I was a kid. Where the hero goes to space to prove himself worthy of a woman he loves. Or, you know. For justice. Maybe I was a romantic in the beginning. But I thought about it after Brain Camp - ah, sorry, “Biotic Acclimation and Temperance training.” I’m not looking for “the dream.” I just want to do some good. See what’s out here. Sorry if I got too informal. Protocol wasn’t a big focus back in BAaT.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Just be ready.): I trust you won’t have any questions when whatever’s coming hits the fan?

KAIDAN: None. I’m not questioning the mission. I’m just concerned. Sorry to have wasted your time, ma’am. It won’t happen again. (The conversation will end here and his romance will not trigger.)

The final chance to cut off Kaidan’s romance before it triggers happens after Shepard asks him about Brain Camp. This opens up a lot of investigation options and you may exhaust all of them. If you want to avoid hearing Kaidan imply that he thinks your Shepard is attractive, avoid the “Time to talk, then./Time to “get physical,” then.” investigation options. Once Kaidan is done speaking about Brain Camp, you will get one final chance to avoid his romance.

>THIRD CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

KAIDAN: Anyway. This was supposed to be a casual debrief, not a bull session about stuff that happened years ago.

SHEPARD (Renegade - You’re right.): I pretty much gave up waiting for the good part.

KAIDAN: Bad habit, ma’am. I do tend to run off at the mouth. I will work on it for my next review. Sorry to have wasted your time, ma’am. It won’t happen again. (The conversation ends and his romance does not trigger.)

You will notice all of these are renegade options. There is literally no way around this if you want to avoid triggering Kaidan’s romance. You don’t get any renegade points from them, and Kaidan does not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an easy way to tell if Kaidan’s romance remains active. Conversations between him and Shepard will end like this:

SHEPARD: We’ll talk later, Kaidan.

KAIDAN: I’d like that.

“I’VE ALREADY TRIGGERED IT, HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS?”

The good news is that getting out of the romance is fairly simple. The game gives you a lot of opportunities before it triggers the love triangle with Liara (assuming her romance has also been triggered, anyway).

If Kaidan’s romance was triggered, you will have an opportunity at the beginning of his second and third post-main mission talks. These are a bit more complex to transcribe, so I really recommend just reading them in my transcription if you need the exact dialogue options to understand.

But the gist: You can’t go wrong with choosing the renegade dialogue options. This is always the dialogue option that will end his romance. You are almost never going to end his romance with a paragon or neutral dialogue option. He will always prompt this conversation by wondering if he’s gotten his signals mixed up, if there’s someone else you’d rather spend time with, if he’s being too casual, etc. Once he does this, just shoot him down with a renegade dialogue option.

Again: you get no renegade points from this. He will not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an example. This one occurs in his second post-main mission talk if Liara’s romance hasn’t been triggered:

KAIDAN: I’m just saying...try to leave yourself a way out. I’ve seen what cutting corners can do and I’d hate to have that happen to you, Shepard. Commander.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I don’t need approval.): I’m your commanding officer, Alenko. Are you questioning the way I handle things?

KAIDAN: No, Commander. Just concerned about the reception of the brass if things go sour. I apologize for bringing it up. I know we’re getting the job done.

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever response you like; they all lead to the romance ending.)

If you have repeatedly not broken off the romance with Kaidan after a certain point and Liara’s romance is also active, it will trigger the love triangle scene. This is one of the last points you have to break off Kaidan’s romance, but it will lock you into Liara’s romance instead. If you are wanting a no-romance run, I recommend choosing one of the other options instead.

There is also a separate way to end the romance outside these three opportunities. In the third post-main mission talk, you must pick the dialogue option that triggers the argument that can “renegade” Kaidan’s opinion on the Council. You must not choose the charm or intimidate option here, and you must then pick the renegade dialogue options. The conversation should go like this:

KAIDAN: So yeah, I hated that turian. But he wasn’t “a turian” to me. He was Vyrnnus.

SHEPARD (Renegade - All turians are the same.): You can’t deny the turians are imperialists. And the asari, the salarians - they’re manipulators.

KAIDAN: Shepard, I outgrew the blame game years ago. If the Alliance is missing its chance, it’s because of men like Udina. Not the rest of the galaxy holding it back.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I’m not so sure.): When anyone out here listens to us, the Council starts up with their treaties and heel-dragging. We can only rely on ourselves.

KAIDAN: We’re not doing the galaxy any favors if we try to force our way into a seat at the grown-up table. They aren’t - malicious. They’re just slow to change. My story doesn’t get any better if Vyrnnus is a good guy.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Whose side are you on?): I don’t need you kissing the Council’s asses, too.

KAIDAN: Look, Shepard. You’re in command, and we’ll all follow your lead. But don’t ream me out for having an opinion. I thought we respected each other more than that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I can’t respect this.): I can’t believe you’d side with aliens over your own kind. I think we’re done here.

KAIDAN: Yeah, I think we are. It’s--It’s too bad we...It’s just too bad, Commander.

This argument will end his romance. He will also not be renegaded. This is obviously a much more convoluted way to end his romance, but I’m throwing the option out there because it’s 1) hilarious, and 2) way more dramatic, if you want to roleplay ending the romance for whatever reason.

MISCELLANEOUS

Depending on the dialogue options you take for the scenic view on the Citadel, Kaidan will always flirt with you. This does not lock you into, or even trigger, his romance. It is entirely possible to not have him flirt with you at all in this scene, and still initiate the romance later. But if you do not want him to flirt with you, simply do this:

[image ID: ME1’s subtitles showing Ashley saying “Or maybe they just don’t like humans.” with the dialogue wheel below it giving the following dialogue choices, starting from the top: “What’s not to like?”, “Let’s move out.”, and “That’s enough, you two.” end ID]

When you get to this part of the scenic view cutscene, choose any dialogue option but the top “What’s not to like?” one.

Also, even if you’ve already avoided or shut down Kaidan’s romance, Liara will still ask if there’s something between the two of you if her romance is active. Tell her that there isn’t (because there isn’t). Her saying this does not re-trigger Kaidan’s romance.

Congratulations, you have now survived ME1’s romance mechanics. Enjoy experiencing unromanced Kaidan for the rest of the game.

ME3 BONUS: “OKAY, WHAT ABOUT HIM FLIRTING WITH ME IN THE HOSPITAL THOUGH?”

I have tested both of these personally multiple times and they have always worked for me, but again: see my warning about different platforms at the beginning of this post. If it doesn’t work for you, please let me know.

If you have not romanced Kaidan previously: don’t buy him the alcohol as a present. That’s it.

If you have romanced Kaidan previously: on Mars, tell him your relationship is over. It is a renegade dialogue option, but it is necessary to avoid the flirtation in the hospital. This route also means that you can buy him the alcohol and he will still not flirt with you.

Please note that going renegade on Mars does not lock you out of his romance. It merely prevents him from assuming you’re interested during your hospital visit.

ME3 BONUS: “OKAY, WHAT ABOUT HIS APOLLO’S PROPOSITION THOUGH?”

This only happens if you have not locked in your romance with your preferred love interest first. For Garrus, this is the bottle shooting date. For Tali and Traynor, it’s inviting her up to your cabin. For Liara and Miranda, it’s her Presidium date. So on and so forth.

This means there is no way around it if you romanced Jacob or Thane and do not want to pursue a different romance after them. If you do get this scene: again, just turn him down. It is never brought up again. He does not act like he’s in love with you going forth. You will get his unromanced date in the Citadel DLC, as well as his unromanced London goodbye.

ASHLEY

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

Ashley’s romance can be triggered after the first main mission has been completed. For many players, I imagine this is Therum, but it really doesn’t matter which mission it is.

Ashley will prompt the conversation, as she will for every other post-main mission conversation so long as her romance remains active. This conversation will be about her concerns about the aliens aboard the Normandy.

Note: Ashley has one less opportunity to avoid triggering her romance in the first post-main mission talk compared to Kaidan. You may also read the conversation in her transcript if you find it easier to follow along, though I have done my best to format this post as cleanly as possible.

ASHLEY: Commander. You have a minute to talk?

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It makes no difference yet.)

ASHLEY: I know things are different aboard the Normandy, but - I'm concerned about the aliens. Vakarian and Wrex. With all due respect, Commander, should they have full access to the ship?

SHEPARD: (Again, you can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It still makes no difference yet.)

>FIRST CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

ASHLEY: This is the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy. I don't think we should give them free reign to poke around the vital systems. Engines. Sensors. Weapons.

SHEPARD (Side - You're out of line!): That's enough, Chief. You always second-guess your superiors?

ASHLEY: Sir! No, sir! I'm sorry. I was out of line. I'll get back to my duties, Commander. (The conversation will end and her romance will not trigger.)

If you do not pick the above option, Ashley will elaborate her stance further until you get to the dialogue wheel with the second (and final) chance to avoid her romance.

>SECOND CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

ASHLEY: My family's defended the Alliance since it was founded. My father, my grandfather, my great-grandmother - they all picked up a rifle and swore the Oath of Service. I guess we just tend to think of Earth's interests as our own.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Just shut up.): I expect you to keep your family politics to yourself, Chief. The mission will be difficult enough without you picking fights with aliens.

ASHLEY: Aye, aye, Commander. (The conversation will end and her romance will not trigger.)

Note: You can still pick the investigation dialogue options that discusses her service and family history. You just have to pick the renegade dialogue option outlined above afterward, instead of any other option.

Like with Kaidan, you do not get any renegade points for picking this option and Ashley does not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an easy way to tell if Ashley’s romance remains active. Conversations between her and Shepard will end with the following:

SHEPARD: We'll talk later, Williams.

ASHLEY: Looking forward to it, sir.

���I’VE ALREADY TRIGGERED IT, HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS?”

Admittedly, you have fewer easy opportunities to end Ashley’s romance than you do Kaidan’s, and most of the early game ones require Liara’s romance also being active. You are still offered multiple different opportunities out before the game ends, however.

If Ashley and Liara’s romances are both triggered, you will have an opportunity at the beginning of Ashley’s second and third post-main mission talks to end the romance. The gist is the same as Kaidan’s: You can’t go wrong with choosing the renegade dialogue options. This is always the dialogue option that will end her romance. You are almost never going to end her romance with a paragon or neutral dialogue option. She will always prompt this conversation by bringing up your relationship with Liara. Once she does this, just shoot her down.

Again: you get no renegade points from this. She will not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

In both the second and third post-main mission talks, the conversation will go something like:

ASHLEY: Surprised to see you here, sir. Thought you’d be chatting up what’s-her-name. T’Soni.

SHEPARD: (Pick the neutral or renegade dialogue option here; they both lead to the same dialogue branch.)

ASHLEY: Scuttlebutt says you’ve got a bit of a thing for her. I could understand why. The crew’s off-limits, with the regs against fraternization. And at least she looks like a woman.

SHEPARD: (Pick the neutral or renegade dialogue option here. They both end the romance.)

One of the easier exceptions to this that doesn't require Liara’s romance being active is in the second post-main mission talk when Ashley gets Sarah’s vid-mail. It will go like this:

SARAH: - Oh, before I go. You said you’re serving with Commander Shepard now? We saw him on the news here. He’s cute! Later, sis.

ASHLEY: Tell me you didn’t hear that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - That’s unprofessional.): I don’t need to tell you it’s inappropriate to gossip about how “cute” your commanding officer is.

ASHLEY: No, sir. You don’t. Sorry about that. It won’t happen again. (Conversation and romance ends.)

Please note, however, that this will lock you out of the remainder of the conversation and you will not learn about Ashley’s family.

If you have repeatedly not broken off the romance with Ashley after a certain point and Liara’s romance is also active, it will trigger the love triangle scene. This is one of the last points you have to break off Ashley’s romance, but it will lock you into Liara’s romance instead. If you are wanting a no-romance run, I recommend choosing one of the other options instead.

There is also a separate way to end the romance outside these three opportunities. In the third post-main mission talk, you must pick the dialogue option that triggers the argument that can “paragon” Ashley’s opinion on the Council. You must not choose the charm or intimidate option here, and you must then pick the renegade dialogue options. The conversation should go something like this:

ASHLEY: But hey, once we save the galaxy, maybe the Alliance will get its act together. Start acting like an actual government.

SHEPARD (Paragon - The Alliance is all right.): The Alliance isn’t perfect, but it does well enough.

ASHLEY: Have to disagree with you there, skipper. Giving aliens the run of our most advanced ship? Kowtowing to the Council?

SHEPARD (Paragon - It’s not like that.): The Alliance should be able to stand on is own. We can’t. Yet. Why not learn from the races that have been standing for the last thousand years?

ASHLEY: How can you say that, given everything we’ve seen out here? They’re already acting like Saren is our problem. Already siccing us on the bear. The Council races will always think of themselves first. It’s - human nature. We can’t afford to trust them. Not if the survival of humanity is on the line.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I’ve heard enough.): Whatever feelings I might have for you, we have to work with the Council. I can’t let you second-guess our superiors.

ASHLEY: Shepard, I’m a soldier. You’re my commander. If you give me an order, I’ll follow it. I don’t expect you to treat me differently from anyone else under your command. And if you have been - quit it. I thought you knew me better than that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Do I?): Seems like every time we run up against aliens, you whip out the “Earth first” card. I can’t have my authority undermined.

ASHLEY: I never intended to “undermine” you, Shepard. I believe in you. I wish you’d believe in anyone but yourself. With your permission, sir, I’ll return to my duties.

This argument will end her romance. She will also not be paragoned. This is obviously a much more convoluted way to end her romance, but I’m throwing the option out there because it’s 1) hilarious (that final line, oof), and 2) way more dramatic, if you want to roleplay ending the romance for whatever reason.

MISCELLANEOUS

Like with Kaidan, depending on the dialogue options you take for the scenic view on the Citadel, Ashley will always flirt with you. This does not lock you into, or even trigger, her romance. It is entirely possible to not have her flirt with you at all in this scene, and still initiate the romance later. But if you do not want her to flirt with you, simply do this:

[image ID: ME1’s subtitles showing Ashley saying “Or maybe they just don’t like humans.” with the dialogue wheel below it giving the following dialogue choices, starting from the top: “What’s not to like?”, “Let’s move out.”, and “That’s enough, you two.” end ID]

When you get to this part of the scenic view cutscene, choose any dialogue option but the top “What’s not to like?” one.

Also like with Kaidan, even if you’ve already avoided or shut down Ashley’s romance, Liara will still ask if there’s something between the two of you if her romance is active. Tell her that there isn’t (because there isn’t). Her saying this does not re-trigger Ashley’s romance.

Congratulations, you have now survived ME1’s romance mechanics. Enjoy experiencing unromanced Ashley for the rest of the game.

LIARA

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I have found no easy way around Liara’s romance. If anyone else has, I genuinely mean it when I say I would absolutely be open to you telling me, because I would love to know.

The only way to avoid triggering Liara’s romance that I have found are the following:

Simply not talking to her for most of the game (not ideal)

Completing Therum only after you’ve done at least two main missions (also not ideal since it will require Noveria being completed without her)

Completing Therum only after all the other main missions have been completed (again not ideal, though every player should at least do this once if only for the unique content you get from it)

Okay, so what if you want to complete Therum first but still avoid Liara’s romance? I have found one way to accomplish this, but it requires you to be in a romance with Kaidan (or presumably Ashley, but I have only tested this with Kaidan).

After you recruit Liara, you may check up on her in the med-bay but do not initiate conversation after that. If she prompts you by saying, “I get the feeling you want to ask me something, Commander,” do not pick the yellowed dialogue option:

[image ID: ME1′s subtitles showing Liara saying, “I get the feeling you want to ask me something, Commander.” with the dialogue wheel showing the following options: “Investigate”, a yellowed option above “Investigate” labeled “I’d like to talk about you.”, and “Goodbye.” end ID.]

After you complete another main mission, you can check back in with Liara and speak to her normally. This conversation should be the one you’d normally get after Therum, where you learn about why she likes archaeology and how she finds Shepard fascinating.

After you complete another main mission, you must talk to Kaidan or Ashley first. To clarify: at this point you should be at the post-third main mission mark. For Kaidan, you will be getting the “Vyrnnus and Rahna” talk that you can read in his transcript; for Ashley, you will be getting the “Williams Curse” talk that you can read in her transcript.

After you speak with Kaidan or Ashley, you may speak with Liara as normal. This conversation should be picking up on where you left off last time. Liara will talk about how she’s looked into Shepard’s history and Shepard can press her for why she’s so interested in them. Liara should then say something like the following lines:

LIARA: I admit, your connection to the Protheans had something to do with my initial interest. But it has grown beyond that. My interest in you, however, is strictly professional. I want to make that clear. It is obvious you and Lt. Alenko already have some type of relationship. I would not want to come between you.

Her romance will not trigger for the rest of the game.

Please note: Again, I have only tested this with Kaidan. But it should, in theory, work the exact same for Ashley considering many of hers and Kaidan’s other romance mechanics are identical.

“THAT’S NICE, BUT HOW DO I END HER ROMANCE IF IT’S ALREADY TRIGGERED?”

You will follow the same steps as in Kaidan and Ashley’s portions. When she prompts you with whether or not there’s anything between the two of you, you must turn her down. You can never go wrong with the renegade dialogue options here. Again: you get no renegade points for it, and Liara treats you no differently going forth.

She will also usually bring up Kaidan or Ashley depending on what Shepard you are playing, and mention that it seems like there’s something between the two of you even when you do not have their romance active. If you aren’t romancing the VS, just tell her that she’s got it wrong, because...she does. It does not re-trigger either of their romances.

YES I AM ALMOST DONE TALKING

The game really does give you ample opportunities to avoid or end the romances (which is only fair considering how easy they are to trip), so hopefully I have outlined at least one you are comfortable taking.

There are other ways to end both Kaidan and Ashley’s romance that I did not mention (such as during the locker scene, or if you try to un-paragon/renegade) - the point of no return you mainly have to worry about is en route to Ilos. I imagine most players will have their romances sorted out by then, though, so I’m not sure it’s worth mentioning unless you’re wanting to do it purely for roleplay reasons. (In which case: you may read those in their respective transcripts if you’re curious.)

I cannot say I have tested every single romance cut-off, but I have tested most of the important ones players are most likely to take. I am assuming the romances are cut off based on the fact Shepard and the VS’ farewells will change depending on their romanced status (as I outlined in their respective sections), which I do feel is a safe bet. But if you try one of these and find that it did not end the romance: I’m sorry, and please do let me know (and also what platform you play on).

If you read all of this: thank you for your time, and I hope you find this guide useful!

[sugar-petals]

SuperM as Boyfriends Headcanon

↪ caro’s note. extra long version because i miss ‘em. best boys, they’re all bf material to the moon and back ♡

5k words | bullet points

○ warnings ⚠️ 18+, dom/sub play, shibari, female reader, grinding, poly mentions, threesomes, face-sitting, femdom & vanilla, smut and fluff

⌈ ten

— motto: they won’t underestimate me for long.

most of your social environment is gonna be confused by ten at the beginning 

and don’t really get what he’s all about

or think he’s like whatever, some random guy in a tank top

acting peculiar

finding him kind of hard to gauge

some of your family and relatives might even think he’s totally unusual and a sneaky fuckboy making you mad 

they seriously wonder what you see in him

down the line that perception has turned by 180 degrees

as it should

ten becomes more irreplaceable, relatable, beautiful, perfect and impressive the more you know him

he’s not as mysterious and impossibly badass as everyone assumes

his personality is very approachable to you 

and you find him interesting in every aspect, looks to hobbies to background to personal habits

and also opinions because ten is a guy who really thinks stuff through

so you gotta be roughly on the same wavelength 

he likes discussing controversial and complicated stuff a lot for sure

being far wiser than his age suggests 

you are the first to share those things with him until the rest of the world catches up to this gem of a person

spending so much time with you

in the most personal way he can

he takes you to see the floating markets in bangkok, you spend the summer in thailand

wakeboarding and playing badminton

his entire family knows you inside out at some point this shit is serious

it’s very important to him to go back to the roots every now and then

and that you have been around his home city as well

getting to enjoy the area and time together eating the most savory delicacies

renting a boat and paddling you around to the important spots, he can explain any question you have

this kissing is gonna be so romantic 

who needs a vacation in venice when you can go to thailand with none other than ten himself as your ferryman let that sink in

except eating durian there he is, the boyfriend who can do anything!

with seemingly no effort

ten does little kind services of love for you throughout the day

he pours you herbal tea, fixes some furniture (he’s surprisingly good at tinkering), comes home from the bakery with your favorite pastry, does the laundry with your favorite fabric softener

he also goes on a huge shopping spree with you monthly because fashion is key in this household and it’s tremendous fun

you giggle when he puts on oversized shirts deliberately to look funny

everyone in the clothing store will think oh man what an adorable pair

ten will model the living hell out of the entire stock

and buy you the cape you really really want as a birthday present

said item turns out to be your favorite couple accessory

because you can sit next to each other on a bench at the river and wear it

what’s not to love about a portable blanket

of course he will take to instagram and make it such a cool thing, photographies of you wearing really cool coats and jackets

mirror bathroom selfies together as well, with a back hug, the classic

and not just for insta

you snuggle a lot generally

ten is always available for affection

and accepts all PDA

he’s a kitty after all, he loves the warmth of your body more than you know

remember how taemin said ten’s hands are always cold, newsflash not anymore since you stuff them into the pocket of your hoodie whenever you can

and hello sir your paws will be nice and cozy on my waist

or hand in hand when you waltz through your apartment

time for dance is a must

oh my god ten is so good at all of this

although say he’s definitely faster into latin than standard genres

tango argentino, he loves flamenco as well

don’t believe me? ten is a diehard rosalía stan!

vamos

so, no-brainer, expect a lot of dancy stuff 

that escalates into wild, passionate fucking

which probably looks like an aggressive form of couple exercises

you poor sore souls

ten’s lil kitty butt is falling apart from all the “i can handle a bigger one!”-level pegging and you have aching legs all over

favorite position? full nelson

if you ask me ten’s ass is probably so carved out by the end of this you could fit lucas and kai in there from head to toe

this is not for the faint of heart

sex with this guy is extra cardio

and if you’re into that a threesome is gonna go down sooner or later

with our girl lisa

there. i said it

miss manoban in those knee-high boots, grinding her thighs between yours and you finishing off on ten’s face? the fucking hottest thing ever i need a moment wow

i don’t have to tell you how orgasmic this is gonna be

steamy sex life with ten very recommended

⌈ kai

— motto: you’re like a precious rose. i’ll protect you forever.

to be straightforward with you

he is in so heavily in demand it’s madness

to give you an idea of the scale

mark is basically occupied by yuta until the end of time 

but kai has an entire idol fanclub on top of all erigoms

those sharp moves did not go unnoticed

he gets an inkigayo sandwich every other day

jesus christ

if rent-a-sexy-bf.com was a thing kai would be the most requested

his phone would be blowing up with contracts like

and you also have to pass kyungsoo’s vibe check

and taemin’s

the road to being kai’s gf is indeed the way of the samurai

i mean honestly: kim jongin is without a doubt the hardest member to get a date with

this has got to be the most selective man of the entire industry or something

if he likes you he REALLY likes you

and he will be the one showing initiative

because he wants to make it clear he isn’t just spending time out of politeness or something

although it’s pretty logical that if kai was unable to reject someone he would no longer be an idol but a harem husband busy every hour of the day

seoul would be able to found its own village 

kai town

where like 70% of the population is pregnant

but since kai wants to keep on dancing obviously and he wants to lend his heart to only one person 

seoul has to settle with a singular nini family house instead of a kai district

where you and the man himself are a full-fledged household basically since kai’s nieces double as actual kids

if you wanna be a young ass ‘mom but not mom with kids’ and be married to kim kai this is it

does he have a thing for milfs or something

that thought just came to my mind

anyway you’re mommy anyway wink wink

fucking til’ dawn until even his muscles hurt

going raw at the gym together

him cooking the most random food with the infamous waffle maker

cuddling with an army of teddy bears surrounding you

walking the dogs with the sexiest dancer alive 

and the sexiness is only the tip of the iceberg 

we know he’s all-round amazing

kai is the king of figuring out ways to chill out with you anywhere anytime

and yes innocent chilling

...unless you’re in the mood for something else

up to you

anyway

sweet innocent chilling for now... with the stunner... just smooching at best things aren’t going raw or anything

on the couch in the kitchen in the car when it’s parked somewhere in nature

kai takes you very seriously and is a great listener

he’s literally so respectful and open-minded i can’t

he will keep your secrets and stand up for you if it’s ever needed

yes he is extremely caring and invested

kai does not tolerate others being shady towards you

if there’s an instance where you are hurt and unable to assert yourself don’t worry. he knows how to confront others with measure but a firm determination.

kai takes a lot of that responsibility but only to the degree where you are comfortable

i think you get what i mean by that

and he is diplomatic instead of plain patronizing

you have a right to be protected. it means he not only treats you well, but also makes sure your well-being isn’t disturbed in any other way outside of the relationships

outside influences aren’t to be underestimated

and since kai is a godly man you encounter a lot of jealousy from others

a matter he will take into his hands since he knows he’s the reason

standing up for you also means saying no 

to these jealous voices so this is an important boundary he has to draw

that all kinds of hellbent people want to get into his pants and take his stage image too literally is not up to you to fix

kai is there for you to enjoy and love not to defend

that’d be exhausting and beside the point 

kai prevents stress and negativity to come to you

i hope i explained this well he doesn’t do this to be bossed up or make you weak it’s because he wants to make life easier for you

guys being protective will be chalked up as chauvinistic these days. often rightfully so 

but what i mean is that kai support you in all regards so you won’t be at a disadvantage or feel terrible about something

⌈ taeyong

— motto: we’ll take good care. enjoy the pleasure.

he’s the type of boyfriend who will ask you about things he missed out on while he was busy

things um from the internet

while mark literally knows that one by heart already taeyong will ask you things like what the wellerman song is

and you thought it would be something nsfw

i got you fooled

did we forget that the man literally watched nct memes on youtube

taeyong is both even more 18+ than you think but also even more innocent than you think it’s complicated

this man is just hard to describe he’s so different, i mean every person is unique but he’s an original it’s the extra mile you know

anyway

sea shanties

bopping to it all day since he just heard it 

singing it while he prepares dinner based on a youtube recipe video as he often does

he’s the most adorable person ever ever ever

asking you why shanties are back in fashion 

(good question, requires a deeper sociocultural analysis i reckon)

planning to remix one for his soundcloud lmao i kid you not

maybe your favorite shanty 

featuring fast-pace rap and all

creating his own previously unknown phrases and shit like that you know him

palazzo rocco lemon detox flashbacks

he’s hilarious i swear

taeyong will produce his own shanties for you can you imagine

as he says: my happiness is your happiness

watch out he will drop a shanty music video with extra krumping moves

taeyong is a never-ending source of pure crack

prepare to laugh a lot like, a lot lot

how can a man who seemingly has such a serious outlook on life and such a bonkers kinda face be so lighthearted

it’s like he’s peter pan or something

especially since he has to manage like over 20 brats in nct his cutesy behavior towards you as his gf will stand out to you

yeah so to be clear we all know he’s the cute one in the relationship

and guess who wears the pants

that’s always you ma’am don’t deny it

or wait 

not for long actually because they come off um physically

but not metaphorically

because who doesn’t wanna sit on his face tbh

your favorite reserved spot

he loves it

taeyong has such a thing for your body it’s ridiculous

mister lee got a sexy mama

and you have such a thing for the gloriousness that is him

but neither of you will not admit it as openly as other people would think

all there is... is being flustered

baekhyun probably has to play some cupid now and then

and give you some ideas

like gifting taeyong plushies and things like that

baekhyun knows what taeyong is all about so the advice is very welcome

but most things you find out for yourself

by being a little braver with him you know

you walking around naked in the apartment or basically fresh out the shower with nothing but a towel

will shake up taeyong so immensely, he will back himself against a wall without you even pinning him there lmao!

jeez he’s so deep into kinky stuff but easily shook anyway

i quote him again: “born to be cute, i dunno!”

you can imagine the overwhelm when you rub yourself against him like it’s nobody’s business

it’s so much fun to give taeyong a regular horny meltdown not gonna lie

this man was grinding his whole body all over the superm stage and now he’s basically freezing up and drooling

how many denied and ruined orgasms he’s gonna get, so much overstimulation all the way  

you’ll lose count of it

and just how wet you’re gonna be

is a thing for the history books

taeyong isn’t such a big deal in nct for no reason god gave him every talent 

so great sex is obviously in his repertoire

i think you’re gonna break some records for most fucks per week

you know... guys like lucas taemin kai and baekhyun spend more time wooing and teasing and flirting

but taeyong gets down to business

one glance is enough

⌈ lucas

— motto: the hottest couple around.

ah, big boy

you really got this man’s attention

doing nothing much at all really

he probably just saw you walking around talking to friends

carrying an impossibly huge veggie burger munching and enjoying yourself after going on a jog

yeah boy that’s how you catch his eye

they say love begins in the stomach and that is the true meaning

or the nose, your food smells really good, lucas is going crazy, he’s seeing stars and shit

anyway

the towering burger isn’t the only thing he wants

lucas cannot get you out of his mind no matter how much he tries to distract himself 

with more good food, movies, games

fooling around with wayv or the superm maknaes, and working out

he’s admittedly... a little himbo head over himbo heels with you the feels got to him

he’s not gonna say it’s a date he’s just gonna invite you just because

to hang out in the kitchen while taeyong cooks and baekhyun comes up with the idea to play twister

imagine lucas with his long arms and legs bending himself all over the place

fighting with kai who almost crashed his shoulders into taemin who avoided the accident quickly

making you lose a round

obviously lucas will hustle until your team wins

mostly because he’s so tall and baekhyun is so small which is a huge advantage when stacking each other over the map

let’s just face it baekhyun only suggested this game to bite everyone’s butts and to see you have skinship with lucas

which is definitely a successful plan of the leader

yukhei is in paradise 

jumping around his room like an oversized bunny after you went home

don’t lie, you fell hard for him as well he’s just such a presence

emotionally, physically

a gentle but persistent giant

he’ll do anything to make your relationship happen once he knows you’re interested

if there’s someone meant to be a boyfriend it’s gotta be him come on

he will cave in after a while and admit he can’t just forget about you 

not gonna lie

your ex is gonna be shaking in his ratty boots

his poor eyes will literally jop from their unexpecting sockets

when he sees lucas hanging out with you

with his shining blonde hair and tall stature, that perfect shapely body, with great fashion on top of that

looking like your guardian angel

man, xuxi really does

pulling you out of your slump that’s been going on for months

and bringing back smiles and a good time he knows how to do that best

and big big hugs of course

you can imagine how soothing and grounded it feels with such huge arms around you

he will make sure that feeling is always there when you need it

because you deserve that treatment

which means he will come over very very often

yeah get ready for how yukhei is a lot more driven than you think just dial and he will be there

underneath the meme surface is someone very determined who really really wants you

yukhei is chaotic good incarnate but in that area he isn’t messing around

his brain is like: “gotta be with her”

on repeat

he must call you, he literally can’t sleep without tying loose ends together as quickly as possible

no second wasted with this guy, even far down the relationship timeline

i really pity your ex 

i mean someone dating any superm member would drive their former partner completely nuts 

but lucas is a special case

he has that kind of look and aura that makes other guys dig themselves into the ground like wiggling worms or cope by fanboying over him

i don’t wanna make this sound like a competition and yet — congrats on your noodly blondie boyfriend alright

⌈ mark

— motto: two nerds in love.

how to explain this. mark is a perfect balance of a lover, a talker, and a shy bean

with a tendency toward bean

and flicking the bean

you know

cutting right to the chase are we

mark is very invested in pleasing you as good as he can

and defeating his awkwardness

because if we know one thing it’s that he always strives to become better and better like he can’t help it

and isn’t afraid of almost biting off more than he can chew

how many subunits is he part of at this point is it gonna be nct hollywood as well god dangit

back to the point mark doesn’t treat relationships and sex as something static which is a good and rare thing

he does his best and always looks for room to improve

while being very nervous, very bilingual, it takes two languages or more to express what he thinks about you let that sink in

that’s very shaky first date sex while being extremely in love with each other

lucky you

and an afterglow where he plays the guitar for you

that’s so nice 

he can play it while laying down and shit

while singing

not rapping, actual full-fledged serenading

we’ve heard how that sounds in the relay cam

are you dating some kind of teenage heartthrob or something huh

mark will make it very clear he’ll stick around, this bad bitch is here to stay

or actually, he’s a good bitch, don’t misunderstand

mark doesn’t have a lot of edgy in him unless rap is concerned

he’s the kinda guy to get lost in IKEA with 

having a good time 

as often as his schedule permits

you really have to make use of your time together 

this man might as well the busiest idol out there

and you are no different because birds of a feather

you’re both mr. and ms. independent 

out and about very often

so meeting up becomes something special during comeback season

or wait mark always has a comeback going on

which is a double-edged sword but something you both know you signed up for 

which is why you spend a lot of time around NCT dream, 127, and SuperM 

sm’s publicity agents have to work extra hard i’m telling you

a dating rumor is the last thing both of you would need

since you befriend several members you gotta stay on the low as well

but hey the rage of jealous people of the public is nothing compared to the force of nature that is yuta nakamoto

who seriously thinks himself threatened and robbed

in case you are feeling possessive as well...

...you might have to fistfight yuta

to be able to be with mark

who is basically property of osaka at this point

yuta is a scorpio that’s just the way it is

unlike taeyong who wishes his rap buddy the best, yuta kinda wants to be mark’s wingman and see him date, live his best life

but also have mark for himself to fawn over and to adore, to be fascinated by

we get it yuta. bisexual struggles. very understandable

you have to promise in person that mark doesn’t forget about the holy gaming nights with yuta 

which is hilarious since that’s not up to you but mark’s memory

bestie, yuta uses everyone as a scapegoat don’t sweat it too much

regardless you put a weekly reminder on the fridge

so the roaring lion yuta would be pacified

he doesn’t want to lose his sweetheart can you blame him

the ultimate but also most risky solution is obviously inviting yuta for movies 

which will be appreciated but also cause a storm

mark will definitely break a sweat when you start a popcorn war or try to prove who hugs mark the best 

caught in the middle of mayhem is mark lee’s specialty what did you expect

this either ends with murder or a chaotic open relationship down the line

yuta really is attached but who wouldn’t be

it could be worse mark has double the love you know 

⌈ baekhyun

— motto: you wanna know why i’m your candy?

baby tell me are you ridin’?

in fair verona where we lay our scene...

that baekhyun always wants to woo you — his way, which proves to be very interesting to say the least — is never hard to miss

putting in effort is mochi default mode 

no matter what stage of the relationship you’re in

he might as well regularly serenade you under your balcony in the backyard just because

probably singing ‘baby we can stay up’ and wiggling his ass in all directions because he’s a dirty boy gone wild

yeah. nowadays romeo is twerking instead of feuding with tybalt

that’s good for him and everyone involved

you in particular because you get some very racy eye candy

you know how baekhyun is

at least nobody’s around seeing him put on an 18+ show like that

your little guy is one unhinged fella

if it starts pouring he will grind up and down the next lantern and belt out ‘singing in the rain’

you bet he can do some actual pole dance

he’s strong and bendy you know

and loves to gyrate his whole bag of bones like... he wants to hit you with all the body rolls

in the rain

what a freaky man

but hey you wanna stay up for sure 

doesn’t take long until you beckon him to come upstairs

where the only way to alleviate him of his wet clothes—

oh well he has those roger rabbit vibes and you can’t be mad at it

he will play off all his hormonal antics

baekhyun is hilarious

and so perverted, he can keep up with your spicy idea of playing patty-cake don’t worry

how do i know you’re an extra nsfw kinda person?

who else would like baekhyun

he says juicy things all the time

and does juicy things

yes. finally a couple on eye level indeed. 

when baekhyun asks are you ridin’ you ask how hard 

bruh

this is gonna be fun

and remember

beside handing you sacks of money

his priority is always to make you smile

i’m kidding about the bags but

baekhyun is so rich it’ll show in your relationship, but he’s more about the interactions with you rather than the lifestyle

baekhyun didn’t hustle for a bentley he hustled to sing and get out of sm alive alright

financial stability: important

luxury: very nice to have, he can make you the presents you want to have and travel a lot together

but smiles: baekhyun priority

because he so badly wants to know you love him and adore him, he sometimes feels so insecure

of course you do

you always reassure him with your reactions

it’s very important to him don’t underestimate it

baekhyun has always been talking about his ideal type in terms of how he can cheer her up

so even the naughtiest sexy time evenings are gonna be filled with all giggles

anyway other than that your pussy will be dripping

because this guy is as horny as all other members of super m combined

and you have your ways of leaving him tongue-tied and wrists-tied

taemin’s impact

superm isn’t short of bondage supplies we all know that

so yeah. shibari baekhyun is gonna happen

since he does pilates imagine what kinda shapes you can bend this lil guy into

and take some pictures

privé is in trouble 

bondage model baekhyun is bursting onto the scene

you might even run a risque blog that features cropped pictures with him

heh — you think people will recognize him by his body?

nope

first: you only upload HD pictures that aren’t whitewashed

baekhyun is basically never photographed like that

second: who expects baekhyun to be featured on a bdsm blog with his girlfriend

and this is the guy that drives you around in his expensive car with his big black shades on 

well what can i say

nothing is the way it seems

⌈ taemin

— motto: i’ll unfold a whole new world for you.

taemin is cocky, he’s sensual, and: a very smiley person as we know

least boring relationship ever

he will prance toward you whenever he can to involve you in cuddles

touch-starved taemin is a thing

kkoong can tell you about it, he needs kisses and embraces so often

might as well pepper him with it no problem

and put him into your oversized sweaters when he eats ice cream on the sofa, watching movies, and you brush his ever-growing hair

he’s smol he’s gonna fit into them don’t worry

and on the other hand he likes a rough and tough girl who thinks of him like a boy toy

who acts tsundere or like his bodyguard

working out almost daily to the point of sweat all over

a gal probably able to pretzel minho lucas and chanyeol into one giant bundle

taemin truly has the taste of a divo

multi-layered as always

so you couldn’t say the relationship is always the same in sentiment, the vibe of the dynamic could be different every day

we love a complex man

what would be volatile to others is actually an advantage up close

because taemin understands every difficult facet of himself and his partner 

even if those facets might be contradictory

or something that’s felt shameful about

he will accept and listen anyway

the same goes for getting what drives you

taemin is like a walking psychology velvet couch with fancy swirls as arm rests

point is he isn’t fooled by the surface of the world

he knows what has to be known

which also means your looks aren’t the part he prioritizes

and not even outward personality and habit is what he’s drawn to

it’s the mentality and values underneath

that’s true compatibility to him and he can feel it

he’s really really smart

and also finds it important that you get along with shinee and superm, that you think they’re nice to be around and vice versa

especially kai as taemin’s absolute bearly bestie. if kai thinks you’re shady and you don’t like kai either

or if you’re permanently super awkward and taemin’s moodmaking doesn’t help

we have a problem

but fair enough

kai and taemin are basically one soul at this point so if taemin likes you jongin does anyway 

bff telepathy

in fact jongin was probably the one introducing you to taemin lmao!

because he knows you go well together instinctively and he is correct

so not to worry then

and it’s good on taemin to think longterm and not see you as a person outside of social interaction y’know

cough cough he thinks about marriage, you might be ms. lee one day

here he goes again taemin is just very mature seeing you as well-rounded in every aspect of life

without letting his dick make the important decisions at the detriment of making this a relationship of two lives not just two bodies only

but obviously don’t assume taemin is no horny devil. we all know he dreams of the freakiest scenarios and fantasies in this whole group

going kinda crazy about the thought of making you cum which he always wants to try with new methods

which occupies his mind more than a big bowl of super spicy noodles which is taemin’s favorite meal so

at the same time taemin junior is definitely the same clingy attention whore as his sparkly owner

limp wrists from all the handjobs on your side

and very swollen lips from giving all that head on his side

this is gonna be interesting

he puts the 6v6 in 69

equals 69v69 am i right

but i’m serious that’s gonna be a lot of oral action

you definitely ask each other about having sex very often, daily if you have the time and find a nice spot

and how on earth do both of you keep your hands off each other sleeping in one bed

taemin is touchy as hell with no shyness, and you squish squeeze and grope this guy like the mochi he is

ah when things go both ways

© submissive-bangtan 2017-2021. all rights reserved. do not repost or translate. all depictions fictional.

[presumenothing]

first: do no harm

(AO3)

Dr. Mensah’s attention zeroed in on me like a well-tuned surgery bot arm. “You have medical training.”

I was going to deny the hell out of that. I really was.

And then I said: “Not recently,” instead of no or even more accurately I frankly don’t think the company’s education modules count as training by your standards. (As far as I was concerned, the only thing worse than those modules was the one on breaking bad news, but what did I know. Maybe humans actually felt comforted by those tactics they described.) (No, I didn’t think that was likely, either.)

Which reminded me of a necessary addition. “The company won’t cover liabilities related to any non-security tasks you assign me to, if that’s what you’re intending.”

Mensah made a sound that was both grim and viciously annoyed at once, which I immediately saved for further analysis and replication. “Then we’ll just have to not make any mistakes, won’t we?”

–

I hadn’t exactly been thrilled with getting assigned to this mission. Not that mining installations were much of a walk in the park, but this was just asking to turn up memories that were better off buried (preferably forever) in my organic parts.

I don’t usually pay attention to mission briefs, as you may have noticed, and I wouldn’t have this time either except that my half-assed scan turned up the fact that the team weren’t science-doctors on a survey like I’d initially assumed, but medical-doctors. On a medical mission.

Of course they were.

(I wanted to say that someone had allocated me to this on purpose, but realistically speaking the company didn’t give enough of a shit, and the universe disliked me enough that this could totally be pure chance.)

Considering all that, the mission so far had been… much less worse than it could’ve been. Though the bar for that was admittedly very, very low. Possibly somewhere in the negatives.

Anyway. Up until the whole thing with Bharadwaj and Volescu getting almost-but-not-eaten, the task of making sure no one died had mostly been the clients’ job for once, which was a nice change since they were actually competent at it.

I still didn’t care enough to read their background info, but it was pretty clear just from observing that these doctors had experience with working in less-than-great conditions, even if Ratthi did sometimes sigh wistfully about equipment they couldn’t have in field hospitals. It meant that my job had pretty much amounted to patrolling, lurking visibly around the supplies storage in case anyone got ideas about that, and helping to fetch various medical items when I happened to be there and it wasn’t Gurathin asking.

It wasn’t terrible. I’d even got some media-watching time in.

(There might have been the vague thought that things could’ve gone much better if I’d been deployed with a team like this instead of Corporation Rim fuckery that literally bled payment from patients, but part of the reason medical-use constructs had been developed in the first place was so that hospitals could draw up forty-hour shifts and other assorted fun without worrying about doctor and surgeon unions, which told you everything you needed to know about our existence.

Also, the thought was inherently depressing and I already had enough of that in my head, thank you very much.)

The contract was more than halfway through. All I had needed to do to avoid awkward questions was continue making sure no one noticed that I was weirdly well-versed in all this, which wasn’t difficult since they only seemed to have theoretical knowledge about SecUnits at best.

Then the fauna happened, and poof went my cover.

Now all of PresAux knew I was – whatever the hell you called a catastrophically failed MedUnit who got turned loose onto security, because at least if I screwed up here the press wouldn’t be as bad. And that wasn’t even getting into the hacked governor module.

Even constructs didn’t have a term for all that.

–

Of course, none of that stopped this from being a Very Bad Idea. Even if apparently no one except Gurathin (ugh) seemed to agree.

“I’m a SecUnit, Dr. Mensah. I scare people. Patients are harder to assess when they’re running away.” I thought basic logistics might work here.

“You had better bedside manner with Bharadwaj and Volescu than many doctors I’ve seen. Human ones, might I add, and not actively injured themselves at the time.” Mensah’s tone was brisk as her pace – which wasn’t difficult to keep up with either, given my vertical advantage, but impressive nonetheless. “And no one wants to be around Pin-Lee when she’s holding a scalpel. That’s what the sedation is for.”

It’s because SecUnit hasn’t seen her in court yet. Trust me, it’s much scarier, Ratthi chimed in over the feed, with the text signifier for “amusement” but not “joke”.

Pin-Lee just smiled.

It was terrifying. I wasn’t even looking directly at her.

“I don’t have a valid license.” That’d been a part of the legal fallout from the disaster on RaviHyral, though no one had actually bothered with adding malpractice charges or barring me from ever doing medicine again. (Just another side effect of being considered as equipment – I doubted the company would’ve even secured licenses for constructs if not for their paranoia about covering their asses on all fronts.)

But it was a last resort argument, and I knew it.

Mensah knew it, too. “There’s special dispensations for that, especially under the current circumstances, as long as a fully-licensed doctor is in the vicinity at all times. It’s not like any of us can actually get out of each other’s hair in this base anyway.”

Mensah had stopped in a less-chaotic corner and turned to me, not that she could see anything behind the faceplate. I fixed my gaze a generous distance to the left and let my drones do the looking.

“I’m not going to make you agree. You perform a valuable function as our security – far more than I had initially expected, to be honest, and we would all be grateful if you kept doing that. But with Bharadwaj down for the count and Volescu still recovering, we could do with the help.” Her expression was still steady as ever, even though she probably knew better than I did the risks of continuing to operate shorthanded like this. “It’s your decision, SecUnit.”

Right, just the very thing I didn’t need to hear.

I kept most of my sigh internal. “Triage and first-aid only, between patrols. No procedures, and I won’t be responsible if any patients freak out.”

Mensah nodded. “Of course. Gurathin’s on receiving duty today, how about you work out a roster with him?”

I knew it. This was a bad idea.

–––––

You’d be my guardian.

Yes. The education opportunities – most of us were trained on Preservation, if you’re interested in learning and getting your license properly this time. Or not. You can do anything you want.

–––––

ART barged its way into my feed. You’re exhibiting a mildly elevated temperature and respiration rate. Though it could of course merely be a sign of inferior processors rather than emotional distress.

Do you talk to your clients like that?

Do you? ART retorted right back, but obligingly brought up the documentation for its MedSystem before I finished the query for it.

I ignored ART’s attention (with some difficulty) as I flicked quickly through the top few files, taking in the glaring disparities from my existing data. The notable lack of suggesting costly procedures that no-one actually needed, for starters. I’m assuming some of these are your improvements on standard procedure?

I am the cutting edge of medical research, ART proclaimed. You couldn’t accuse it of humility if you tried.

I still wasn’t sure what I wanted, and I still didn’t want anyone to decide it for me. But moving towards the one thing I did want (at least in the short term) had ended up with me running into what was very possibly the most advanced and opinionated diagnosis-treatment AI currently in existence, because that was just the kind of luck I had.

I didn’t have a medium-duty surgical suite in my arms anymore, since that was the entire point of modular Unit construction, but neither did Mensah.

And I didn’t think I wanted to stop doing security, anyway, since it turned out I might not be completely terrible at it; having actual medical knowledge that was MedSystem-malfunction-proof couldn’t hurt.

Plus, overwriting those shitty education modules seemed like a pretty great fuck-you to the company. I was always interested in that.

I tagged some of the more emergency-related files, then added a bunch of the weirder injuries I’d seen on contracts, and prodded ART. Tell me about these?

[renaxwrites]

Eleven

.04  -  18

synopsis: the number Eleven had always appeared in milestones of your life. it was a constant, and you didn’t know why. but you would soon find out when you study abroad in japan and meet Him.

pairing: tsukishima kei x fem!reader

warnings: none!

masterlist: here :)

a/n: more introductions! English will be in bold. Hope you enjoy this one <3

      previous || next

We made a start. Be it a false one, I know.

“Oh. It’s you.”

You turn to see the one and only Tsukishima towering over you. But that didn’t shock you.

His jersey number was Eleven?

Why the hell did he have that number? Is this supposed to mean something? I could be safe to call it a coincidence, but there was no way. Your whole life that number had appeared, so it should be a sign of something, right?

But what?

Millions of questions dashed through your mind as you stare each other down. The split second of intense eye contact felt like an eternity of wavelengths flowing between the two of you. That split second was all it took for everyone in the gym to dissect this interaction.

Hinata, always being the one brave enough in awkward situations, spoke up. “Uh...so you guys know each other?”

His inquiry broke the tiny trace between you and Tsukishima. You glance at your feet, the team, the net. Anything but him right now.

“I guess you can say that,” you admit shyly.

Tsukishima grunts. “She’s staying at my house for the time being. Not a big deal.”

Gee, he’s so nonchalant about it. You weren’t sure how to feel about that, but seeing at the confused looks being exchanged between the players, you felt the need to give a quick rundown of what the deal was. Better to prevent any wrong ideas.

You pipe up after Tsukishima, “It’s really not. I’m originally from the United States, but I’m studying over here now. Mizuki, Tsukishima’s mother, generously offered hospitality while I was over here in the country. Nothing more than that.” You smile assuredly, trying to avoid the need for any more pressing questions.

Too bad that didn’t work.

The two boys that high-fived, who you discovered to be Nishinoya and Tanaka, burst out, “So if you’re from America, you know English, right? Say something in that language!”

Not surprised, you ask, “What do you want me to say?”

A dark-haired boy, who quickly introduced himself as Kageyama, had been quietly observing the entire time. However, he was lightning-fast to give his suggestion:

“How do you say, ‘Hinata, you dumbass’ in English?”

“HEY!”

You pivot toward Hinata’s voice and find him staring daggers in Kageyama’s direction.

“Sorry Hinata, but Kageyama thinks you’re a dumbass. Sorry Hinata, but Kageyama thinks you’re a dumbass.”

Nishinoya and Tanaka whisper to themselves, and you only catch phrases like, “Who knew foreign languages could sound hot” “The way she could flawlessly switch between them bro oh my gosh”. You felt like a bug under a microscope. Especially with Tsukishima’s negative vibes rubbing onto you. It’s so weird how just his presence has been taking a toll on you.

A blonde man, probably in his twenties, strides up to the huddle, redirecting the team’s focus to him. He seems a little intimidating, but not too much. This must be the coach then.

He announces, “Alright guys, the ride to Tokyo is in a MONTH. Just some food for thought, so I would suggest you guys get cracking on your drills sooner than later.”

Daichi claps twice. “Alright! Starting with dives! Let’s go!” And with that, the team narrows their attention to the court.

The coach hums and finally acknowledges you, in a warmer tone opposite to the stern voice he just served his team. “Hey there, seems I missed introduction time. I’m Ukai Keishin, coach of this team. You’ll meet our team advisor too. He should be coming in soon, he just went to get something real quick. So, what brings you here?”

You explain the same spiel you gave the team, and he gives a curt nod. “I see. This might actually be perfect timing then. We were actually going to begin to evaluate each player to find their strengths and weaknesses, so we know what to tweak before Tokyo. You know what, think of today as a trial. Maybe you’ll be able to give us a new perspective we could miss.”

Your eyes glisten at the thought of being legitimately helpful for the team. You felt you were meant to be here.

The doors burst open, and in scurries what looks to be the advisor with multiple packets in his arms. You sense his distress, and you dash over to help him, managing to catch one as it fell off the pile.

“Why thank you! Can’t lose that at a time like this!” he smiles in appreciation.

The two of you carry the papers over to the rest of the staff. More introductions were made on your behalf, and soon Ukai and Takeda, the advisor, catch you up on their latest tactic of evaluating the team. They give you an extra copy of their packet, which lists every player’s strength and weakness.

“Your job, (y/n), is to capture their weaknesses in action. This way, they can physically see what they’re doing, and go from there. You can throw in some cool ones of them too, if you want. So their egos can get a little lift,” explains the coach.

You get to work.

                                    ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You only have the essentials of your photography setup with you wherever you went, while your more professional add ons were in your room. This meant you had to get a bit closer to capture the range of certain angles, but you didn’t mind. You’ve been on a football field, basketball court, and a whole bunch of other arenas where you were drowning in a sea of giants. You’ve definitely seen worse situations.

Practice ran pretty smoothly. You were surprisingly able to shoot everything needed within the players’ packet, so once the team was officially done, Ukai had them all line up. One by one, each player would be able to look at their action shots, and the coach would explain to them what was working, or what can be improved. The players were, to say the least, super hyped at seeing themselves in action. (Nishinoya: “SHE GOT MY ROLLING THUNDAAA!” Your ears rang for a couple minutes after how closed he yelled) You weren’t too familiar with the sport itself, but you made sure to slide in a compliment for every player. It really made all the difference in the world to see their face light up, knowing someone else is motivating their hard work.

But a certain someone has been very difficult to read so far.

Tsukishima approaches you for his turn. What if he doesn’t like his photos? What if the angle you shot his blocking wasn’t good enough?

Why are you suddenly self-conscious?

You show him the first photo burst. A simple serve. Shouldn’t be too much.

Ukai begins explaining volleyball gibberish to Tsukishima, and you’re just trying to focus on not doing anything irrational. Just stand. Breathe. Click through photos. Repeat.

Usually, you’re able to tell what a player is thinking once they see their plays in action. But man, this guy was just so monotone! The only ounce of emotion you were able to detect was the tiniest glimmer of awe in his eye when you clicked through one particular block of his. This was the best from his series in your opinion. At least he recognized it. Your chest felt warm for some reason.

Before Tsukishima was dismissed, you slip him a quick confidence booster. “You’re really good at blocking. You look like you manage to catch anything, it’s awesome!”

He half-heartedly turns your way, looks at you dead in the eyes, and hums as a thanks.

So much for interaction.

                                    ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Practice ends, and the gym gets locked up, much to Hinayana and Kageyama’s dismay.

Everyone begins to go their separate ways. Tsukishima was still conversing with Yamaguchi, so you weren’t sure if you should wait for him or not. Playing it safe, you start to walk, but slowly. Eventually, you hear footsteps crunching behind you, signaling him catching up.

“You shouldn’t walk alone in the dark. Can’t have mom’s favorite getting hurt or lost now, can you?”

It seemed more like a rhetorical question than one you should answer, given the way he has his headphones on. You decide to give him the benefit of the doubt, by trying to keep up with his pace. Metaphorically, anyway. Man, he sure walks fast!

“I know the way back! Plus, there’s streetlights, so it’s not that dark,” you muster out.

He sighs, then takes off his headphones. “You’ve been here one day and you know you’re way around? Seems like a stretch.”

You bounce back, “I mean, it’s literally down the street. The only way I would get lost at this point is trying to keep up with your long ass stride. Chill dude!”

He finally looks at you in the eyes.

He smirks.

Then slips his headphones back on.

You couldn’t tell whether or not this was his way of playful banter, or if he was genuinely trying to get a rise out of you. Either way, he had you feel a certain way. Good or bad, who knows?

The rest of the way continues in silence. And all too soon you both arrive at the house.

At dinner, Mizuki is excited to hear how your first day played out. “You came home along with Kei, so is it safe to assume you’ve already found a club or some sort to be in?” she innocently inquires.

You animatedly nod in response. “Actually, I was with his team. Hinata has shown me around the school, so he’s the one who invited me to their practice! One thing led to another, and basically I’m the team’s official photographer!”

Mizuki smiles and grasps your hand in exhilaration. “That’s great (y/n)! It’s a good thing Hinata was your guide then. Maybe it’s fate! I feel good knowing you and Kei will be around each other often. Isn’t this great, Kei?”

He looks up from his bowl. “As long as I don’t have to carry her from a concussion or something.”  He goes back to his dinner.

Even though you retort, “I’ve been surrounded by pleasures of almost every high school sport, including volleyball. So I’ll be fine,” it still didn’t stop the evident blush that was resting on your cheeks. Why were you blushing? Stop blushing!

Once the kitchen was cleaned and you all were in bed, that’s when your thoughts started to stir. What exactly was the universe trying to tell you with his jersey number? Why did everything he did make you feel a certain way? How was he attractive without even trying? He wanted nothing to do with you, so why him?

Little did you know that he was thinking the same about you.

Why you? With the dumb way your face looks, all cute when it’s flustered? How you were able to flawlessly match his sarcasm and comebacks? He hasn’t even known you that long, so why are you making him feel something he hasn’t felt before?

While you both were drowning in each other’s thoughts, you both were staring at the same wall. The one wall separating your rooms.

It was Eleven o’ clock.

Let's split the night wide open. We'll see everything. We can live in love, in slow motion.

taglist: @jiminslonglostjams @fantasymirror @shewastheriot @lukes-princess @iamthepenguinwhosearseisonfire @its-bnha-babe @desi-studys​ @shootooooo​ @noya-senpai-imagines​ @animefan7420 @anpancari​ @tsukkx​

[writingpaperghost]

There is a Me Who Can Become Strong (Chapter 6)

Chapter 6: A Hollow Beating in the Heart!

Saki's not acting herself today, but there's a Bugster to deal with so... They start hearing a bit more of this black Para-DX.

AO3:https://archiveofourown.org/works/32857183/chapters/82387561

Emu stands outside of Masamune’s office in Gemn Corp, clutching the Gekitotsu Robots Gashat in his hand. He wants to return it, he does, but something about going in there and actually giving it to Masamune didn’t feel right. He’d thought about asking Saki or Asuna to do it, but he figured that it wouldn’t do him any good going out of his way to avoid Masamune. He was doing a lot to help the CR, right? So he shouldn’t feel so distrustful of a man he only met yesterday.

Standing outside, especially since anyone could walk by and see him, wasn’t going to do him much good. But somehow he still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Still, he finally steeled himself and entered.

“Um, Mr. Dan?” He called, trying to his best to be polite. After yesterday, he was already hoping that Masamune didn’t have too negative of an opinion on him. Masamune was at his desk, typing away at his computer.

“Hojo,” There’s something in the way that Masamune says his name that feels wrong, “What brings you here?”

Holding out the Gashat, Emu answers, “I’ve come to return the Gekitotsu Robots Gashat that we retrieved yesterday.”

At that, Masamune looks up, ���Oh, that’s not necessary.”

“What?”

“Keep it, so you can better fight the Bugsters,” He insists, “That’s a part of what they’re for, anyway.”

Looking at the Gashat in his hand, Emu doesn’t feel quite sure at taking Masamune at his word, “Are you sure?”

“Quite, it will do you more good than it will sitting around here.”

---

Mu and Graphite sit on the couch, Kuroto over at his desk across from them. It’s not clear what Kuroto was working on, but Mu was certain it would be fun and make people smile, like all of Kuroto’s games. Assuming he was working on a game and not a Gashat, of course. He thought that it was always really amazing watching Kuroto work on things, but he couldn’t see what Kuroto was working on from here. Normally, he’d get up and look, or ask, but he couldn’t move much right now.

Mostly because Graphite was situated in a manner that had him curled up on Mu’s legs, arms around him. For some reason, Graphite was oddly more clingy than normal, which was strange in and of itself, because Graphite wasn’t ordinarily what Mu would call clingy. Normally, Graphite only ever acted any way similar to this when… Mu was a little more out of it. But he wasn’t, he hadn’t been forced through… those things, that would make him out of it, since around the time he was started to be allowed to go out. So he wasn’t sure what had Graphite acting like this.

Of course, the most direct way would be to ask, and Mu was comfortable enough with him to do just that. “Graphite,” He began, “Is everything alright?”

“Why?” Graphite asks, raising his head up from its place on Mu’s shoulder, “Why do you ask?”

“Because you’re clinging,” Kuroto notes, sounding terribly unimpressed. He glances up from his computer, “Did seeing Brave really shake you up that much?”

“It did not!” Graphite hissed back, gripping Mu tighter.

Mu was confused, though, “What do you mean by that?” He looks at Graphite, “Hey, what was up with Brave?”

After a moment of looking at Mu, Graphite buries his face in Mu’s shoulder again and mumbles, “She was my host’s fiancée.”

“Oh!” Mu cried, “That’s terrible! But was that really enough to make you… upset? Or did you get more of your host memories…?”

Graphite grumbles something.

Dryly, Kuroto says, “I don’t think even Mu can hear you,”

Repeating his words, but lifting his head so Mu can make them out, Graphite says, “It’s also seeing you fight Para-DX. You could have gotten hurt, especially when Para-DX reached Level 3.”

“Oh…” Mu said, “Well, I was fine. He’s pretty strong like that, but it turned out okay.” He reaches his arms out and wraps them around Graphite in a hug, “Besides, if something did seem like it would have happened, then you would have come to help, right?”

“Of course,” Graphite huffed, “As if I would let any of those Riders harm you.”

“So it’s all okay!” Mu chirps, then looks over at Kuroto, “Which reminds me, I’m going to keep using those Gashats.”

The look that Kuroto gives him is enough to know that he’s not happy about that statement, “No.” He says, “It’s dangerous.”

“You’re still recovering from using the Proto Gashat,” Mu counters, “It’s too dangerous for you to keep using it. I’ll be fine, at least until you can find a good solution.”

Kuroto stares at him, then sighs, “Fine, fine, you have a point.”

Mu smiles at him, doing his best to be reassuring, prompting Graphite to snort, “Don’t force it, Kin,” He finally loosens his grasp on Mu, “You look too uncomfortable like that.”

Dropping the attempt at a smile, Mu frowns slightly, “Right,” He sighs, “So are you going to let go of me anytime soon?”

“No.”

“Silly dragon,” Mu sighs, “You’ll have to let go eventually.”

“But not yet.”

---

Alongside Asuna, Emu searches for the person that the Bugster with the Gekitotsu Robots Gashat had been looking for the day before. They’d return to the college of music, hoping to find him.

After a while, Emu abruptly asks, “Why do you think Kiriya lied about that Bugster, uh, Graphite, being the black Para-DX?” Because they all knew that was a lie. He’d said he’d seen Graphite become the black Para-DX. Emu might have considered asking Kiriya himself, but he was still in the hospital and unconscious. Nico carried him back the day before, much to everyone’s surprise. She said she’d had help, but no one saw whoever it was.

Asuna replied, “I don’t know. I doubt he knew that Graphite was a Bugster but…” She shrugged, “I can’t say why he’d lies like that. I guess he just does that sometimes.” That felt far too simple for Emu’s liking, but he didn’t think he’d get a better answer. At least, not from Asuna.

They’re attention is drawn to a pair, “Ah, Yoko, I won’t be so busy soon enough!” The man cried.

The woman, Yoko, just looked at him sadly, “No, no, Seiichi, I think we just…” She trails off and takes a deep breath, “Need some time apart.”

“I see,” The man, Seiichi sighs, “If you say so…” Then, sadly, he walks off.

Watching him leave, Yoko falls to her knees. Some part of Emu thinks that it’s a bit melodramatic, but then he sees her keep falling. Then glitching. Grabbing the Gamer Scope from his neck, Emu rushes over to her. The screen told him what he already knew.

“Game Disease,” He said, though he didn’t imagine Asuna needed telling. The only strange thing was that it was showing two strains. The Gekitotsu Robots strain, and the DoReMiFa Beat strain.

It was about then that Saki arrived. She seemed a bit… out of it, but based on what he’d been told yesterday, it wasn’t too surprising. “I see we have a patient,” She says. She seems a bit distant.

“Saki,” Asuna says, looking at her with concern, “I didn’t think you’d work today.”

“Bugsters,” She says the word with far more venom than normal, “Don’t stop for anyone.”

There was a lot to unpack there. Unfortunately, like many times of important or possibly important information, Emu was forced to file it away for later review. Right now, they had a patient to focus on.

“Miss,” He called, “Can you hear me,”

“It… doesn’t matter,” She says, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Miss-“ Before he can say anything else, a Bugster appears from her. This one has two arms connected to some kind of tail. Given how Saki’s been, both yesterday and now today, Emu was hesitant to ask Saki to deal with it, at least on her own… But he didn’t have access to Level 1 and Nico was nowhere to be seen. Kiriya as still unconscious in the hospital, so he couldn’t help even if Saki would accept it, which he imagines she wouldn’t.

So he had no choice but to trust that Saki would be fine on her own. Unfortunately, he didn’t think that would be the case.

Taddle Quest!

“Let’s hurry this along,” Saki says, sounding none to happy to be there. Emu winces.

Let’s game! Metcha game! Mucha game! What’s your name? I’m a Kamen Rider!

Standing in Level 1, staring down the Bugster, Saki takes her sword in hand. She switches it to fire, only for the fire to cover her entirely. Emu startles, but holds himself still. Clearly she meant to do that. Obviously. Then Saki begins to the attack the Bugster, repeatedly hitting the Bugster. Finally, it’s destroyed, Saki catching Yoko as the Bugster fully separated from her. With the Bugster, it was another Bugster like the one from yesterday, again with a Gashat in its forehead.

“We Bugsters,” A voice begins and everyone turns their attention to Graphite, who’s appeared in his human form, “Have our own goals. My goals, though, are not the same as theirs.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Emu asked, “You’ve managed not to tell us anyone’s goals.”

Graphite shakes his head, “Don’t worry about that, just know,” He points at Yoko, “I’ve infected her with both of the strains for those purposes.”

Saki sets Yoko down and turns her attention between Graphite and the Bugster. She seems conflicted. Emu decides that he’ll let her figure that out, instead taking out his Gashat.

Mighty Action X!

Level Up! Mighty Jump! Mighty Kick! Mighty-Mighty Action X!

He was going to focus on the Bugster. Whatever exactly was between Saki and Graphite wasn’t his business. He needed to make sure their patient would be okay.

After a moment of deliberation, Saki finally lands her attention on the Bugster. Emu’s thankful, not that he says anything. Before they can do much the Bugster throws an attack at them.

“DoReMiFa Beat is a dancing game,” Asuna reminds them.

That alone was enough prompt, as the music notes came towards them. Emu’s able to hit each note perfectly, though Saki’s another story. She truly seems like she’s trying to hit the notes, but every time she’s just the slightest bit off. This results in her taking a bunch of damage, while Emu took none.

Emu hoped that Graphite wouldn’t choose to intervene at any point…

“Hey, dragon dude!” Nico appears, already in Level 2, aiming her gun at Graphite, “Don’t think I’m not still annoyed about yesterday!”

Graphite scoffs, but assumes his Bugster form either way.

Annoyed at the damage from the Bugster, if nothing else, Saki is nearly trembling as she flips the lever on her Gamer Driver.

Level Up! Taddle meguru! Taddle meguru! Taddle Quest!

Emu decides that he’ll need to step it up too, taking out the Gekitotsu Robots Gashat.

Gekitotsu Robots!

Buttobase! Totsugeki! Gekitotsu punch! Gekitotsu Robots!

Graphite turns his attention to Saki, “I have a few feelings to sort out, Brave,” He says, giving his weapon a few experimental swings, “I hope you can help with that.”

Leveling her sword at him, Saki harshly responds, “Gladly.”

The other Bugster focuses on Emu and Nico, much to Nico’s annoyance. “Why is the dragon so focused on her?” She wonders, dodging the Bugster.

“I think it’s personal,” Emu answers.

None of their fighting does much. The Bugster lands a hard hit on Nico, knocking her transformation out. Saki doesn’t fair much better against Graphite. Whether it’s that he’s just that strong or whatever is really between him and Saki, he’s easily able to knock her transformation out too.

Emu was half ready to try to take on both Bugsters at once, but then the black Para-DX appears. There’s definitely something off about him that Emu can’t place, but he also doesn’t have time to focus on that.

“Graphite,” The black Para-DX said, same voice as before, “You get the Bugster and get going.”

Oddly, Graphite seems hesitant, “Are you certain…?”

The smile when the black Rider responds is almost visible, “Well, I think I can handle Para-DX… After all, his friends aren’t in any position to fight.” There’s a threat there and Emu isn’t entirely sure whether or not the black Para-DX will follow through.

“Then we’re gone,” Graphite grabs the Bugster and the two disappear.

Tension rises as Emu watched the black Rider. He’s not really sure what he’s going to do, but Emu knew he had to be careful, with Nico and Saki around. He couldn’t trust the black Para-DX not to attack them.

The black Para-DX shrugs, “I don’t know about you, Para-DX… but I- I don’t really want to fight,” He gestures to Nico and Saki, “So why don’t you get your friends somewhere safer?”

Unfortunately, Emu thinks he’s going to have to take the black Rider up on that offer.

---

“Seriously,” Emu says, staring at Saki, who’s sitting at the table in the CR, a slice of cake in front of her, “What is up with you? You’re acting really off.”

Taking another bite of cake, Saki takes her time answering, “I am not acting ‘off’.”

Emu blinks, “Yes, you are. You’re not normally so aggressive. Is it Graphite? Or something else?” He casually leans against one of the chairs, “Poppy wouldn’t tell me much, last night. But if it’s going to effect how you deal with Bugsters, than I think I, as your teammate, have a right to know.”

It looked for a moment like Saki was going to protest, but finally she sighed and set her fork down, “Six years ago, my fiancé died,” She said and Emu hadn’t exactly expected that as what she’d open with, “He’d been infected with Graphite’s strain of Game Disease. Taiga was his doctor, and…” She shakes her head. He thinks that she means the man who was supposed to be Snipe when she says Taiga. “He’d been working to help people injured when he was somehow infected. He hadn’t wanted to tell me, because he knew I would worry and he hadn’t thought he was deserving of that worry. He’d been very distant, he always had been. Hiro was… reserved and it had frustrated me. But when I’d found out what happened, when I finally got Haima to tell me…”

Saki takes a deep breath, “I guess being faced with death was enough for him to really feel the need to get his feelings out. He expressed so much to me that day, I knew for certain afterwards that I truly loved him and he truly loved me, even if he hadn’t been the best at expressing it. But he knew he wouldn’t survive and I knew the chances were slim. I’d fallen asleep at his bedside that night. When I woke up… he was gone. Almost like he was never there at all, no body, just an empty bed. Taiga and Haima came in after they heard me scream, apparently. They didn’t need me to explain what had happened. Haima… was his father. He looked so devastated.” She’s not looking at him anymore. She’s looking down, at her lap, “That day, I swore to become the best surgeon I could, for Hiro. So that no one had to lose their loved ones. So no one would have to go through what Haima and I had gone through that morning.”

“Now,” Emu realized, “You’re faced not just with someone with his face, but also the one who was responsible for his death.”

“And on the anniversary of it, to boot,” Saki shakes slightly. Emu’s not sure he’s ever seen her quite so emotional. Not like this. “So… pardon me if I’m not myself. It’s… hard, even six years later.”

“Of… course,” He assured, “I’m not going to… hold it against you.” How could he? He understood the feeling far too well. Just around four months ago, on the anniversary of it, he shut himself away and broke down crying, realizing just how close he was to achieving Emu’s dream.

He realizes, belatedly, that she’s crying, now. It’s quiet, that’s why it took him so long to notice, but it’s there. He’s not really sure what to say. He wants to try to say something reassuring, but he’s not really sure what. He’d dealt with his grief alone. He supposes Saki probably at least shared it with the director.

“I’ll…” He began, “I’m going to go talk to the patient.” He just needed to get out of there, before he said or did something stupid. He felt bad about just leaving Saki like that, but he honestly wasn’t sure what he should do. He wanted to help, but…

Ugh, he hated feeling helpless like that.

Well he might as well go and actually talk to Yoko, like he said he would. He recalls Asuna’s conversation with her earlier, when Yoko had first arrived at the CR. According to Asuna, Yoko hadn’t wanted her now former boyfriend to know that she was sick. Which might have made sense, if they hadn’t literally just broken up that day. Obviously he cared and would want to know about it, so why hadn’t she wanted him to know?

Not to mention how her Game Disease only flared up while she was watching him leave. Even though she was the one to say they needed to be apart, she was getting stressed by it. Which, while Emu certainly wasn’t an expert on relationships – as in he knew very little – he didn’t think would be normal.

Entering the patient’s room, he hesitates for a moment. He’s not entirely sure he’s the best suited for this… Then he shakes his head, no, he had to do what he could. Saki certainly wasn’t in the position to, and Asuna had already tried as much as she probably could.

“Ms. Horiuchi?” Emu called, catching her attention. He begins to walk over, “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”

“Oh, what is it?” She asks, “Is something wrong?”

He smiles, “No, nothing really. I was just wondering…” He pauses, taking a deep breath. This is definitely not his strong suit, but he’d just have to treat it a bit like with Alhambra. Engaged couple breaking up is sort of like a couple just. Breaking up normally. Close enough. “Nurse Asuna mentioned that you specifically didn’t want us to inform your boyfriend – or is it former boyfriend? – well him, that you were sick. Is there a reason why?”

She hesitates, before answering, “Oh, no real reason…” Emu hopes the look his gives her is enough to show that he doesn’t really believe that. “Well, if he knew I was sick, Seiichi would drop everything to come be with me. But he’s working so hard to try to get into the orchestra, I don’t want to distract him from that.”

Somehow, that sounded a bit familiar. Not exact, but he wondered if Graphite chose Yoko on purpose, or if it was just coincidence. He really didn’t know what the Bugsters were after, and Graphite had declared his goals were not the same as other Bugsters. Still, it seemed that he’d found the source of her stress.

“If he’s worried about you,” Emu begins, “Then shouldn’t he know?”

“He’ll worry more,” She sighs, “He’s so dedicated and I’m just trying to keep him from getting distracted.”

Emu wasn’t sure how well that would work, but he also wasn’t really sure what else to say. Matters of the heart were a complicated thing for someone who’s had no romantic relationships and limited skills with people in general. Children were easy, adults were not.

“And if you die?” Emu’s startled to hear Saki, standing in the doorway. She seems to have recovered from earlier rather well, but Emu wasn’t really sure what people usually looked like after those sort of things anyway. Regardless, she did not look like someone who’d just been crying less than ten minutes ago. “He’d be heartbroken to find out you were sick and he never even knew.”

Yoko looked down at her lap. “I just don’t want him to get hurt,”

Then, Emu came to a realization, “If the Bugster attacked Seiichi, it would stress you.” He stands up and looks at Saki, “Saki, we need to find him.”

Saki purses her lips before responded, “Yes, we do.”

---

It didn’t take long to find Seiichi, and predictably, the Bugster was there too. And alongside the Bugster was Graphite, watching from afar. Emu can see Saki tense when she sees him.

Pulling out the Mighty Action X and Gekitotsu Robots Gashat, Emu tells her, “Focus on the Bugster,” When it looks like Saki’s about to protest, he adds, “I’ll keep Graphite from interfering.”

“Intern,”

“No, Saki,” He insists, “Focus on getting the Gashat so you’ll be stronger. As it is you don’t stand a chance. I might be able to at least hold him off.”

She still looks like she wants to protest, but at last pulls out the Taddle Quest Gashat and her Gamer Driver, “Fine, but only because you bring up a valid point.”

Both transforming, they set their sights on the Bugsters they’re ready to fight. Hopefully Emu’s Level 3 might be enough to stand against Graphite, at least for a bit. Immediately swinging at Graphite, he gets blocked by the Bugster’s weapon. Then thrown back a bit. Okay, this might be a bit harder than he thought it would be. Or rather, he could understand why Graphite was able to shove away Saki and Nico so easily.

Saki changes the stage that they are on to a forest and begins to fight the Bugster. Because the Bugster attack rhythmically, it quickly became easy enough for her to dodge the attacks. She’s able to counter with a few of her own before her opening arrives. With her sword in ice mode, she inserts her Gashat.

Taddle Critical Finish!

Slashing at the Bugster, it’s quickly destroyed and Saki now has the DoReMiFa Beat Gashat in hand.

Game Clear!

As Emu attempts to block one of Graphite’s attacks, only for it to knock him back and out of his transformation, Saki activates the Gashat.

DoReMiFa Beat!

Do-Do-DoReMiFa-So-La-Ti-Do! Ok! DoReMiFa Beat!

She dodges out of the way of Graphite’s attacks, countering with her own, each in the beat that the Gashat had begun to play. Though it clearly wasn’t doing much more damage than Emu had been, if more at all, it was still enough to push Graphite back. Finally, Saki takes the Gashat and inserts it into her sword, now in fire mode.

DoReMiFa Critical Finish!

The attack, despite landing clear on Graphite, doesn’t seem to do much. Still, he staggers back a bit. “Brave,” He says, “I doubt this will be the last we see of each other. Don’t think you’ve beat me yet!” And then, Graphite’s gone, just like before.

---

Watching through the window in the CR into the observation room, Emu and Asuna see that Yoko and Seiichi are reconnecting. Yoko seemed to have explained her thought process while Seiichi simply seemed relieved.

“Well that went pretty well,” Emu says, wondering if the two had sorted out everything. They couldn’t really hear the pair. He looks around, noticing that only he and Asuna were in the room, “Where’s Saki?”

“Oh,” Asuna responds, “She had somethings she wanted to do. Don’t worry, I think she’ll be fine.”

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Emu decides to take her at her word, “If you say so,”

---

“Haima?” Saki calls, entering Haima’s office. He’s at his desk, the only place he is when he’s at the hospital and not out and about or at the CR. She knew she’d find him here. In her hands, she holds a box with a cake inside.

“Oh, Saki,” Haima looks up from his work. He smiles at her, “How have you been?”

She laughs a little, like he doesn’t see her daily, “I’ve been okay. You know how today always is.”

His smile falls a bit, “Yes, it doesn’t seem to get much easier,” He regards her for a moment, “You had a Bugster today, too.”

Choosing not to respond to the last part, she holds up the box, “I brought cake,” She said, “This is the one that Hiro always liked.”

“Of course, I guess you haven’t been here the past few years,” Haima moves aside some papers, “I always make sure to put a piece out for him,”

“Yes…” Saki says sadly, “But now we’re able to save people. So no one else has to leave out a piece of cake for their loved one.”

“And you’re all doing a great job,”

---

“I wonder what mo – Kujo, said to that black Para-DX to get him so beat up, yesterday,” Nico wonders from her perch on a hospital bed in Taiga’s clinic. “I mean, that was pretty bad.”

Taiga sighs, “I don’t know, Kujo’s always been sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong,” He shuffles some papers then takes a moment, looking at the room that Nico had commandeered. “I’m really not getting you out of here, am I?”

“You want my help?” Nico stretches, wincing slightly, “Then you let me stay here. It’s cheaper than a hotel.”

“You have plenty of money,”

“That’s not the point, old man.”

“I’m not old,”

---

“Graphite?” Mu asks, looking up from the game he’s playing. Previously, one could hear the sounds of DoReMiFa Beat and some cheerful pop song playing. “Why does Brave want to fight you so badly. Your host was her fiancée, yeah, but…”

Over in the corner, Graphite is adjusting some pillows and blankets on a mattress, forming what Kuroto has more than once referred to as a nest. Mu watches warily, hoping not to get dragged in, because then Graphite would make him sleep again. “Because she’s hurt,” Graphite answers, “And she blames me for his death. It’s easier for her to blame me and for her to take it out on me, in hope that it might do something to lessen her pain.”

Mu frowns, “Does she really think that’ll work?”

“Do you?”

He doesn’t answer.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #251

apologies the formatting is fucked up, oof.

How many smurfs can you name? Zero. Have you ever fully eradicated a bad habit that you had? Uhhh maybe? I'm not sure. The radio is playing U2, The Defects, Echo & the Bunnymen, The Pointer Sisters, Staubkind, and Dr. Dre. on different stations. Which band are you most likely to listen to? I only know U2 (and do NOT like them), Dr. Dre, and one song by E&TB; I don't know the others. I guess I'd pick whichever song sounded most appealing. Miracle on 34th Street, original or remake? Never seen it. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Do you turn the bass up all the way in your car (or would you if you had a car) and blast the music? Ew, no. That shit's obnoxious. What keeps you from being happy? I'm quiiiite sad of an adult. I want to feel worth something, do something. If you could go back in time and talk to yourself five years ago what would you say to yourself (You can only stay in the past for FIVE MINUTES so make it COUNT!)? At that time, Jason and I would still be together, so I'd try to nail it into my head that I can't put my happiness entirely in another person's hands and that I have to have faith in myself and my own strength. AND ESPECIALLY to not give up, to keep trying harder every day. Five minutes wouldn't be enough. What websites are addictive to you? I'd go bonkers without YouTube, and I go through Tumblr binges, but then don't go on for a few days. I have to check KM daily, but it's not really an "addictive" thing, but rather the admin instinct of I have to make sure everything is in order. I check Facebook habitually, but only like, once or twice a day. Who do you never want to end up like? It's... sad to say, but in a lot of ways, my mom. Her life's just been super, super unfair. As a person she's mostly lovely, but as far as luck, happiness, and success goes, sometimes it feels like the whole world's against her. What will you never ever do again? Turn another person into my whole entire universe. What’s the most terrible lie someone could tell you? Something regarding Jason, I'm sure. Probably like, he said he never loved me or something. Even knowing that's absolute shit, PTSD is a ride and I'd. Lose my absolute shit and obsess over "well what if he really didn't." What was the last thing that you printed out? Stuff for my Women Writers class. We print out SO much shit there. I feel like I've alone killed at least seven trees by now, and we don't have a choice but to print the readings out. What do you look forward to each day? M a r k/Unus Annus video boiz. What’s the best song to listen to after a break up? "It depends on the context of your breakup." <<<< This. The radio is playing Poison, Inxs, the Psychadelic Furs, Dio, and Matchbox 20 on different stations. What do you listen to? AHHHHHHHHH Poison, my friends. Do you know what it’s like to take care of someone else? Not really, I guess? But yes to a degree: I've babysat twice, and I assume that counts, and then when Jason had bronchitis, I would barely let the dude leave the bed. Would you rather take care of someone or be taken care of? I don't know, I guess it depends on what's wrong? What is the worst 80’s song in your opinion? You're asking someone who loves '80s music. I'm sure there are some pop-ish/more mainstream ones I don't like, but idk off the very top of my head. What song makes you so happy that just want to dance and dance and DANCE? None. What has been your most beautiful magical memorable cloud nine manic ecstatic incredibly happy bouncy air-light moment of this life??? Slow-dancing to "Stairway to Heaven" w/ Jason out in my yard in his headlights the night of prom. It's the reason I absolutely, entirely, 100% cannot listen to the song anymore, no chance. Do you go out of your way for other people? Depends on the person. What’s your favorite short story? I don't know. Have do you feel about beauty pageants? I fucking hate them. It always just feeds the standards of society and makes both women and men hate their bodies. It also puts far too much emphasis on the "importance" of appearance versus personality. What is your favorite DIY related website? I don't do/watch DIY stuff. Do you bruise easily? Very very, but not the ones you usually see clearly. I don't know how my anemia test came back negative. What kind of bread do you like? Pumpernickel is entirely the supreme type, I love potato bread too, I enjoy wheat... Are your air and water as pure as you want them to be? Idk about air, but I'd suppose so; we live in a rural area. Our tap water, I'm positive no. There's some weird shit with our water. The smell is fucking disgusting, like pure iron, but supposedly it's clean... We've had it tested a few times, but there is SOMETHING wrong with it. Would you ever visit an insect zoo? Sure, if they couldn't get on me. Can you enjoy life without stimulants (coffee, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol)? All of those, yes. Does caffeine count? If so, I'm sure I could, but it'd be very hard. How much thought do you put into your dance moves? I don't dance, so like... zero. What is something you want to improve on this year? Just how much I care about others' perceptions of me, mainly over the most trivial of things. If you could, would you want to stay young forever? No, considering I want to die one day. Immortality sounds ew. What is/was your worst subject in school? Mathematics. Are you a sarcastic person? Oh yeah. What role does religion play in your life? A small one. It helps that my religion (or at least the one I relate closest to, Neo-Paganism) doesn't have the most strict doctrine, therefore allowing a lot of wiggle room varying from person to person. Can you sleep with your eyes open? No. In the past week, what song have you listened to the most often? "Broadcast From Beyond the Grave: Death Inc." by Motionless In White. What was the last thing you shared with someone else? I shared some fries with my mom last time we grabbed fast food. While playing video games, do you prefer being first or second player? I don't care, UNLESS I'm showing someone a new game and therefore I know what to click and such to set the game up; in that case, I prefer to be player one. Otherwise, I don't care at all. What is the most difficult word for you to pronounce? HA, currently, my Biology professor's last name. I obviously won't share it, but I always fuck it up. What did you have to do for the last homework you were assigned? I have to watch a movie - The Suffragette - for Women Writers for when I missed it that week I was away from school. What was the last important thing that you thought about? I think if Mom and I really should stock up on food and TP, but to an actually realistic degree. You hear so many different voices on how bad this pandemic is really gonna be. Personally, I think it's an extreme overreaction, but what do I know. I haven't researched. Generally, do you call people, or wait for them to call you? I wait. I hate talking on the phone. Has anyone ever questioned your sanity? I'm sure, including my gd self. I'm 99.99% sure at one point in the breakup's aftermath, I actually was insane by definition. Especially now that I'm mostly recovered, looking back I'm just like... "hun." How many people do you depend on? Just my mom, really, but to a dangerous degree. How many people do you think depend on you? I feel like my mom does, to an extent anyway. I'm the only person who lives with her and I know she loves me, so I'm company for her. Especially now that she has cancer, she's really gonna depend on me during chemo and surgery. What is the worst color combination? Uhhh maybe like. Puke green and brown? Have you ever injured yourself walking around in the dark? Yeah, but nothing severely. At what age did you develop an interest in the opposite [or same] sex? Idk. I was "ew, boys" until I think... late elementary school. Girls, I had my bi crisis in the 8th grade. Then came the denial and shoving into the very back of my skull. I came out as bi though late '17. Are you or members of your family religious? I think my entire family is but me. Well, correction, I have like a mild connection to religion, but definitely not Christianity like the rest. When was the last time you acted like someone you’re not? Good question. It's not something I really bother with anymore. Like, I can curve around things I don't want to share, but I don't fake what I do reveal. When was the last time that you cleaned your room? Actually! I vacuumed and dusted yesterday. Or the day before, not sure. How many hats do you own/wear? Either none or one, in which case it would be a Carolina Hurricanes' cap as a memento I got from one of the hockey games Dad and I went to. Did the last song you listened to hold any special meaning? I actually don't recall what it was. Are you experiencing problems within a current relationship? No. When you’re upset, who do you turn to? Usually Mom. Does winter weather depress you? Noooo! Who was the last person that you called? Me mother. What product was being advertised on the last commercial you saw? I haven't watched TV in forever. When you think about your last relationship, what song comes to mind? "Oh, Pretty Woman" by Van Halen REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Are there any lyrics to describe your current crush/relationship? Eh. Who in your life makes you the most uncomfortable? Probably my sister's husband, really. I don't think he likes me at all. Treats me decently to my face, but I have my reasons to believe so. Do you ever receive comments on your weight? Not unless I'm at the doctor. Occasionally people who know me well comment I've lost weight, but it hasn't really happened lately now that my weight's slightly risen for who the actual fuck knows why. Don't get me started. Is there anything that you do just to make other people happy? Uhhh just for that sole purpose, don't think so. When you need a temporary escape, what do you do? Listen to music or sleep. What was the last lie that you believed in? I don't want to focus on it. What band would you most like to meet? OZZY. LET ME SEE MY DAD. What was the last thing that you wrote down [with a pen/pencil]? Psychology notes. Has anyone told you that you have a nice smile? Yes. Are you uncomfortable with being photographed? YES. How many people have you talked to today? Just Mom. We woke up in the middle of the night to screeching tires outside; someone lost control of their car because dumbasses go lightning speed around this cure we live on. When you go camping, do you sleep in a tent or an RV? Never legitimately been camping. What’s one ridiculous thing that you do? Let anxiety ruin a lot of opportunities. Do you feel that you must wear makeup to be attractive? Ehhh no, depending on your taste. Ever done anything dangerous while driving with someone else in the car? I don’t drive. Name someone you wish you could be closer with? There's a handful of old high school friends/acquaintances I have on Facebook I really wanna rekindle relationships with. I think I especially would like to get to know Courtlynn better. We seem very similar. What’s unique about your city or town? Its name is shared with a town in Tennessee. Are you a momma’s girl/boy? I'm very close to my mom. What is your favorite dance to do? *shrugs* What is your favorite song to sing? I don't really sing along with songs, but I suppose "Disguise" by MiW. It holds meaning to me and I also just love the chorus. Is English your 1st language? Yes. Did your older sibling ever tell you freaky stories that you believed? I DO NOT know why I remember this, but one time she told me that a boy in her class kept saying the same word repeatedly so many times that it became the only word he could say. It scared me, lmao. Where is the biggest scar on your body? I'd assume at the very bottom of my pelvis where I had surgery. I can't actually see it, but cleaning the area let me know it was kinda long. Do you have a yahoo account? No. Is your mom prettier than you? This is such a mean question, tf. What do you think about guys shaving their legs? You shave whatever you want, boo. Are you a violent person? Not at all, if you don't include my insane nightmares/terrors/whatever they qualify as. Those are always violent. Do you like word searches and cross word puzzles? I do. Have you ever gone to a private school? Yes, my college.

[markoberposts]

The Unfortunate Event On         LOVE ISLAND

It’s currently Sunday, the 4th of August (2019), and I just caught up on last week's Wednesday and Thursday Love Island episodes (I haven't yet seen Friday's though but will soon), and I've learned something new yet again about people.  The "snake" that comes in and either ruins things or at least potentially ruins things in the long run is sex.  These people were all getting along perfectly with each other like angels until one thing happened...a guy and a girl showered together.  That was on Thursday's episode, and that's when things went downhill fast for EVERYONE.  I've been dwelling on the psychology of the situation in an attempt to understand more about it, and here's why I think it had such an impact.  Regardless of how mature-acting these contestants in their 20's and 30's are on shows like this, anything that goes on that pulls strongly away from the idea of innocence nevertheless ends up having a strong impact on everyone involved.  And just to summarize what happened on the show, the guy named Weston had re-coupled up with a few different women so far, each of them his having told that they could be right for him.  From his standpoint, he was just trying to find the best fit as the women actually are too, with some of them having re-coupled a few times as well throughout the course of the series.  And the women were forgiving of that, all up until they caught who I believe was Weston taking a shower together with his new girl, almost immediately after having coupled up with her in fact.  Well, nothing so provocative as this had happened with any of the couples all throughout the entire series up until this point.  So what happened next was that it showed the women secretly being blown away to learn about this shower taking place.  And then the next thing that happened--that seemed really cruel due to they're all being friends with each other all along--was that the entire group of women all warned the new girl away from Weston, telling her that he was a player and wasn't genuine and such, which she really listened to, this then leading to her complaining to him about it, telling him that this is what all of the girls had just told her about him.  So he then went to talk to them, and they all admitted to it and really hurt his feelings, especially being that they'd all been friends with him all along.  So he then became determined to leave, out of feeling so hurt by the women from feeling like he'd suddenly been "stabbed in the back" by all of his female friends there, his feeling that he'd always been very truthful and completely genuine with all of them from the very start.  And so then all of the other guys went to complain to the women about what they'd just done to him--really hurting him enough to make him decide to leave the island--their even making a very uncomfortable situation among all of them suddenly develop because of doing this to stick up for him.  And this whole thing was...in my opinion...all due to the shower that the women had caught him taking with his new girl, even though they never directly claimed such a thing.  Their excuse for telling her this negative stuff about him was that she'd asked them about him and that they'd felt he was a player and wasn't being genuine.  But in all truthfulness, even though they didn't mention it as the reason, I honestly believe that it was them catching him in the shower so quickly with his new girl that caused them to all suddenly feel subliminal feelings of hatred and jealousy toward him.  The problem may be in the difference between the ways that women and men view situations.  It really doesn't seem to matter to the women in this situation whether he was being honest and truthful and genuinely himself.  What ended up really mattering to the women the most was that they'd all gotten close to him themselves earlier, but he hadn't even considered trying anything sexually-related with any of them earlier, even though they all liked him a lot.  So the moment that this shower thing happened concerning him with this new other girl, they all suddenly felt very hurt and somewhat jealous and rejected as well, even though they'd probably never even realize that they were actually feeling such things.  But the way that they all turned against him--with all of them really liking him up until this point in time--it pretty much proves that they indeed had to have suddenly been strongly affected by his actions to have actually done something like this knowing that it would strongly hurt him quite deeply.  And he was even about to cry with it coming entirely out-of-the-blue unexpected by him--you could just see it in his eyes--and he then stated firmly that he felt very betrayed by all of the women there and was then set on leaving the island, right up until his new girl then worked strongly to change his mind after having changed her own mind, perhaps out of feeling sorry for him, or perhaps so she could stay on the island, her then working hard to convince him to stay.  But it may not matter in the long run anyway, however, because I think on Friday's episode, he may have to leave anyway due to America probably voting him as least popular on Thursday night, which I'll find out when I watch Friday's episode.  But what it helped me to learn about people was more about what women generally are sensitive to and why.  For instance, the guys all like Weston a lot and know what he's been doing and what he's been like from the very beginning, their also feeling that he's been genuine all along just as he's still maintaining about himself.  But for women, they are much more sensitive to seeing things in a manner that they can relate to bad past experiences that they've had with guys before, making them quick to negatively judge guys in general as soon as a pattern of behavior even slightly emerges resembling anything that they've been hurt from in the past.  And the guys generally just can't "feel" how the women feel in this regard.  So when a guy assumes that something sexually-related isn't going to cause any issues with any of the other women around...he's probably wrong, no matter how open and free-sounding to such things that the women seem to be.  People are all still generally controlled by their deep inner feelings in such matters, including women, just as guys are generally drawn toward sexual relationships much more quickly and easily and without heavy attachment-types of emotions needing to be involved in the process.  So when the women stabbed him in the back like they did...disrupting the until-then great peacefulness, harmony, and rapport on the island so far that they'd all shared so nicely together...it wasn't because he was doing anything that was mean or heartless or cruel to anyone, but it was simply because he didn't really understand about women's feelings yet.  By doing what he did and the way he did it with his new female partner, he accidentally, without realizing that he was risking doing so, brought out the wrath of every women there!  LOL.  And so I DID feel quite bad for him, and it actually took me a while to understand what had happened in this situation myself--my even thinking that the women had suddenly all turned into horrible monsters at the time, although now I believe that I understand it and can forgive the women as such.  Guys simply NEED to become more aware of what women are deeply sensitive to and to not do those types of things anywhere around them!  I mean, if he would have instead kept any play with his girl in private at night in bed with her so that the others wouldn't directly have to witness it, then he would have been given the benefit of the doubt enough that none of the women would have even considered turning against him as they did.  So it was related to the way that he didn't care that what he was doing was being inadvertently flaunted in front of them that hurt first them and then him the most in this respect.  And even though I believe that I understand about this now, I think that most men under the same circumstances there, including myself, probably could end up making the same mistake without being aware of what they were really doing...how they'd be effecting the women in general.  I mean, it would be different if it was the first woman there for the guy...a shower happening...and then he either stuck with her or went home if things didn't work out.  But what the women just couldn't seem to tolerate was a guy who got knowingly sexually intimate with some other woman either before or after he's either done so or had the chance to do so with them, causing them to gain feelings of either rejection or jealousy or related in the process.  And for men--when the roles are reversed--it just isn't the same, being that although men can of course get both jealous and hurt and come to feel rejected as well, it seems to take a bit longer of a relationship before men really start to develop such feelings, even when there's been sexual-things involved, which is why--of course--that it's always wise for women to stop men from having sex with them until somewhat later...if for no other reason than that it will better protect the women's feelings in the long run being that guys just can't fully understand about such things (with their super-strong hormones hollering constantly at them to make this a bit difficult for them).  So the bottom line is that although I felt bad seeing him get stabbed in the back by the women and seeing their virtual friendship-paradise thereby get greatly damaged by this incident, I nevertheless now feel that I understand what had happened and why and no longer feel bad feelings toward the women, being that they were simply reacting as life has taught them to.  And therefore, in all truthfulness, that guy should have NEVER presumed it okay--after having become so close to all of those women--to suddenly take a shower with a new girl almost the moment of meeting up with her.  I just hope that if he does get sent home, somebody will explain to him about where he really went wrong and that it was primarily the shower thing to help him stop feeling so confused and victimized, because as of right now, all that he's been told by these women is that suddenly they--out of the blue--became convinced that he hasn't been a "genuine" person and that he's just not good for ANY woman to be with!  So he REALLY needs to be told what I've just said here so that he won't go crazy wondering why the whole world of female friends suddenly turned completely against him, which...by the way...could otherwise scar him for life and which...again by the way...somewhat reminds me of similar types of feelings that I've experienced throughout my life, where it feels like EVERYBODY wants me gone away from them.  So perhaps if I could keep my own great emotional sensitivities out of things and instead teach myself to calmly analyze similar types of situations myself, then I could make it much better socially around people.  Unfortunately, however, I'm now of the age that society would generally slap me down for being much too old for even considering myself to become involved in social situations of this sort...something that I should have dealt with 30 or more years ago.  So for reasons ONLY of our needing to abide by the rules of what society feels is correct and proper, I must therefore avoid such things myself no matter how young and able I still feel mentally, with my only wishing that my body still LOOKED to be in its 30's (and that I was 6 foot tall as well, being that height for men so easily brings both attention and respect by comparison to instead being short, which makes such things much harder although certainly not impossible for those who can tolerate a LOT of rejection...lol).  So men would be wise to avoid either having or even expressing an interest in having sex with women that they are getting to know and instead focus on really getting to know about the women's personalities and what they are like!  And to now end on a positive note here, at least there have been a couple more really cute couples that have ended up together just recently on the show...forming truly good matches with each other.  I mean, it's so cool when you get to learn about unique, special people who are a bit odd and yet endearing misfits and then suddenly someone comes along and feels an equal powerful attraction to them, when they just really seem to make a perfect fit together, like they're custom-designed for each other!  And so now there are at least 3 couples like this that have met on the show, and they're really fun and cute to watch now...with obvious actual LOVE blooming between them and with they're talking of being determined to continue their relationship going after the show ends, which is NOT something that had happened on that former show "Paradise Hotel", which truly ended up in the long run being all about the money and with no true couples forming afterword out of it, unfortunately.  So THIS time..on THIS particular season of THIS particular show...I've ended up lucky to have it actually being more about true love than about money in the end...all thanks, I believe, to the quality of their initial group of starting people there this time who had set the mood and tone for both the show and all of the new people who were watching the show and then would be coming onto it eventually to also participate in it, with then anyone who was not of this sort of person pretty-much either getting ousted eventually from the island by the other people there or getting ousted by the audience such as what could be from people like myself who also liked where this show was actually going from the very start on this occasion (it being much more innocent than lots of the other shows out there of this sort this time, which is actually my biggest reason for desiring to stick with it to the very end...which, by the way, will be ~Thursday of this new week!).  So I am so happy for the 3 great couples who have found true love for each other there on the island so far, because they really do go well together, including especially my favorites Elizabeth (my biggest crush there) as well as Caro...the cutey.   :)

[jacereviews]

Review: Mobile Suit Zeta Gundam

Television (Anime) Consumed in: English Sub Note: This review covers only the 50 episodes of TV Zeta, not A New Translation. For the sake of discussion I will have to cover the plot of Gundam 0079.

March 2nd, 1985 the second series of Gundam made its debut, Zeta Gundam. While the 0079 movies may have put Gundam on the map, it’s Zeta you still hear people discussing to this day. Revered by many as a classic, and one of the best mecha anime of the 80s, Zeta’s a big name, but does it hold up to it? Let’s rock.

PLOT: Universal Century 0087, the One-Year War between the Earth Federation and Zeon is long over, however peace is not to be had. In response to the remnants of Zeon, the federation has created a police-like military organization called the Titans to control Zeon and other spacenoid groups to prevent them from uprising and resisting the Federation’s control. To do this the Titans have been given borderline free reign to do whatever they see fit to do their job, no matter how atrocious it may be. In response to the unchecked reign of the titans, a resistance group called the Anti-Earth Union Group (or simply AEUG) has risen up to fight back. During an AEUG mission led the mysterious blonde pilot who always covers his eyes and his past named Quattro Bajeena to the colony Green Noa, a young man called Kamille Bidan steals a prototype Gundam Mk. II belonging to the Titans. The two cross paths and Kamille ultimately ends up joining Quattro on the Argama as it sails out to fight the Titans. From the get-go we have a story both similar and dissimilar to the prior series. Once again we have a young man piloting a Gundam on a white ship as it battles enemies, but instead of being a traditional soldier, we’re now following a rebellion. It takes awhile for the plot to get truly moving, but when it goes it goes. The Titans are a hateable cast of villains, unlike the Zeon of the first series the Titans are mostly irredeemable. The Titan cast is likeable at best and cartoonishly evil at worst. There was never a Ramba Ral style villain where it felt like that without the war they’d be our friend. As it goes on the plot gets more and more interesting with webs of betrayals, cyber-newtypes, and even the remnants of Zeon. Especially of note is the ending of Zeta, which without going into detail, is both narratively satisfying, thematically resonant, and quite shocking for a series aimed at young audiences. Very few series have an ending that really make me sit back and consider it like Zeta’s and that’s a good thing for Zeta. However the story is not without its flaws. The first 10 episodes can be kind of a drag, and the once again episodic format can lead to some weak and borderline filler episodes. I feel the series could’ve shaved off 10 episodes and be better for it. The biggest problem I had with Zeta however, is the amount of things that happen off-screen and details the series feels like it doesn’t need to give to the audience. Many a times I found myself confused or questioning stuff and just had to concluding that some change happened off-screen. Characters swap ships on both sides with little notice, and operations fly by with people hardly mentioning it. It made the whole experience way less cohesive. The series also had a few cases of trying to emulate the original series for no good reason, such as bringing kids on board the Argama half-way through. It made sense for the White Base to have kids but the Argama really didn’t need them and it just felt like poor decision making. However by the end I felt that the pluses far outshine the negatives and ultimately lead to this series being one hell of a ride. 

8/10, it’s good, messy, but good. Ending earns a whole point on its own.

CHARACTERS: Let’s start with Kamille Bidan himself. Kamille starts off as an obnoxious brat, a lot of my early enjoyment was seeing people beat the shit out of him, but he honestly grew on me, and by the end he’d gone through quite the character arc. He’s a good mc, but takes a damn long time to become that. Luckily he’s not alone. Let’s discuss the overly familiar looking Quattro Bajeena, doesn’t that scar look familiar? Might he be the Red Comet of Zeon? No he can’t be... But he is definitely a highlight of the series. The audience is invested in him from the get-go, and throughout the series we see him mentoring Kamille and doing some amazing stuff in his own right. He’s only human and has his flaws too, but whatever flaws they may be are something you forget when you see his speech during the Day of Dakar. Zeta’s also notable (by the audience and Kamille) for its sizeable female cast. Emma, Reccoa, and Fa Yuriy are all notable female characters put in powerful roles. Even if Reccoa’s later arc may inspire some ire from viewers they’re all great characters with their own interesting arcs. Another thing I’ve got to give Zeta a lot of credit is for how it used the returning characters from the first series. My boy Bright Noa shows up in episode 1, and many of the White Base members make some kind of reappearance (not really a spoiler because it’s in the opening). We get to see how they’ve lived their lives since the events of 0079, and they have many interesting scenes without it ever feeling like the series is too dependent on them (save for Bright). The problem I had with Zeta characters, is a lot of them act out and act irrationally. Now this isn’t necessarily bad character writing, but when someone acts out and takes a mech, does something stupid with it, and the next day is piloting a mech again it raises a few eyebrows. It can also get obnoxious with how many characters are being overly emotional twats, but I never found any of the Argama crew to be entirely irredeemable idiots. They were just flawed people in a stressful situation. The Titans on the other hand had what I felt to be a relatively lacking cast. While the character of Jerid and his varied love interests were all likeable, with Jerid himself being a standout likeable douche, aside from Jerid they didn’t get character arcs. Otherwise like Titans consisted of pitiable cyber-newtypes, hand-rubbing schemers, and straight up assholes. Aside from the cyber-newtypes none were very redeemable. The cyber-newtype Murasame Four was notable but limited by her limited screen time. They tried to make Paptimus Scirroco into a new Char, but he just felt way less interesting than Zeon’s red comet. The ultimate leader of the Titans, Jamitov, was just a bog standard evil politician. All in all only Jerid and Four were interesting characters, and only Jerid lived up to much potential. While you didn’t have any Garmas or Ramba Rals to make the war seem like a curse causing good people to die on either side, the Titans did fill the role of hateable villain well. Without going into too much detail, I do want to give a shoutout to Haman Karn. She was a rather engaging character but pretty much everything about her involves spoilers.

8/10, a lot of good characters, a lot of hateable villains, but most of the best characters are repeats from 0079.

VISUALS: Now probably the biggest improvement from 0079 is the animation. The noticeable errors of 0079 are gone, replaced with some truly gorgeous and fluid animation. Zeta has a lot of sakuga packing, and when it wants to move well it damn does. However when it doesn’t care it’ll freely use a lot of cheap tricks that the skilled eye will notice, but what doesn’t? The actual art of the series I’m less in love with. There were less moments of truly interesting visuals than 0079, but being okay is okay. The character designs were mostly fine, with a few (Jamaican in particular) being very dull. The mecha design is a mixed bag with me. The designs feel way less varied than 0079, with a lot of mechs feeling like the same skeleton with different overly ornate decorations. As cool as they looked I found myself just shaking my head and saying “Really?” at some of the more over-ornate designs. However the thing that bugged me the most was the Titans using Zeon-esque mechs. Being part of the Earth Federation you’d assume they’d use Federation mechs, but instead they use mechs designed like their original enemies. This didn’t make much sense outside of the meta-reasoning “Villain mechs in Gundam need the domed one-eye design.” However everything I’m saying is simply nitpicks. 

7/10, at worst we have functional art that suspends disbelief, at best we have gorgeous animation.

AUDIO: In all honesty, I don’t remember much of Zeta’s soundtrack which is an okay sign. What I do remember is pretty decent but nothing ever stuck out to me except the first opening. The first opening was a rather enjoyable song, the second was very mediocre. The ending theme for the whole time was entirely forgettable as you’re skipping to the next episode anyway. Sound design wise everything sounded fine and natural, despite sound effects in space. Voice acting was passable. Most of the voices fit well with no real stand out performances in my opinion. The voice of Bask Oum was notable for sounding overtly evil, so that was nice. However there were some voices that were not so great on minor characters. Every time the minor character Sydle talked I just wanted her to stop talking. Luckily she was incredibly minor.

6/10, functional with a demerit or two.

FINAL SCORE: 7/10

While not the perfect masterpiece many claim it to be, Zeta Gundam is something I’d personally recommend. With a powerful delivery of themes and a strong follow up to a good series, Zeta’s a fantastic watch. There’s a lot of great to be had here, though sadly the execution of the ideas is far from perfect. Held back by some bumps, Zeta nonetheless stands out as an excellent story animated quite well. The ending alone makes me want to raise the score even higher, but a show is more than it’s last five episodes. I now set out to continue my Gundam Quest with ZZ. I’ll probably get a lot of flack for rating the quintessential 80′s mecha so low, but don’t let a number understate how much I love this series.

[timeisacephalopod]

1, 4, 5, 8, 9

Oh gosh, I’m so sorry these questions turned into essays D:

1. What was the first Marvel film you’ve ever watched?

The Avengers, and I didn’t like it lmao. I was like… seventeen maybe? A friend had worked really hard to get me to watch it and I found it boring. A big problem was Steve- I just found him boring and I had no context for Tony or the rest of the Avengers so I was like ok, superhero people do shit. Boring. When I got into it later (starting with the First Avenger) the film made more sense to me and felt less bleh minus Steve, but that’s because Whedon can’t fucking write him for shit not because of the character.

4. Who’s your favourite Marvel superhero and why?

Boi if you don’t know Tony Stark is my fav then I don’t know what to tell ya lol. But I’m assuming you asked for the why not the who. So as a general thing I don’t like heroes. They’re all ‘we do the right thing always because we’re The Most Morally Correct Always’. Its not relatable- I’m straight up not that good of a person, no one is in my opinion, and their stories all follow the same boring arcs (Steve Rogers fits this personality type and arc very well post skinny!Steve until the latest MCU movies. But Superman is another very good example, and to a lesser extent Harry Potter too).

Point is these characters don’t interest me because A- I can’t relate to being The Best Ever, B- they’re fucking boring and invite zero conflict or character development if they’re already perfect, and C- their villains tend to have way more interesting backstories, motivations, and character arcs. Also villains tend to be coded as minorities (ie, Ursula from The Little Mermaid being based of a drag queen) so between the more interesting arcs, personalities, conflicts, and minority coded status I’ve always preferred the villain. I can relate to Magneto, who has a terrible goal but for a heartbreaking and even understandable reason. I understand him in a way I can never understand a Superman type. He’s an anti-hero I know, but villains are always more interesting because their motivation isn’t always Its The Right Thing with no other explanation as to why or how its right, which could be compelling but isn’t ever written. And villains never start on a basis of perfection, effectively killing any and all development of character.

And then I watched Iron Man. Not only is Tony Stark a fucking disaster and a high functioning one at that, but he’s not always a good person. Its not that he means to hurt people, but he does, and then he learns. He makes mistakes, he sometimes doesn’t see it right away, and when he does he tries not to repeat his behavior to avoid making those mistakes again. Tony is the first hero I’ve seen that’s not supposed to be an anti-hero that does this. For the first time I got to watch a hero that isn’t perfect, but he’s trying to do good even when he fails at it. Then he tries and tries again. Heroes never get those arcs because they tend to be built on perfection, but Tony is what a hero would look like in the real world- he’s tangible. 

Not only that but there’s so much about him that I find relatable beyond his general hero arc. He’s sort of an asshole because its easier to hold people at an arms length than it is to let people in, he has trust issues, daddy issues, mental health problems that people don’t necessarily see, and he hides his true nature under sarcasm and jokes. These are all traits I find in myself too, but ones I don’t typically find in heroes, not to the extent they’re written with Tony anyways. Again Tony is the first hero I’ve ever come across who has personality traits that don’t always translate to ‘perfect person all the time no matter what’. He’s a regular man with a real world personality trying his best even if he does have exaggerated traits (like his intelligence, especially, which is where most of his heroism extends from). And underneath all that he’s compassionate, caring, and generous not that he allows people to see that often.

TL;DR: Tony Stark is the first hero I saw with an actual personality you’d find in the real world and he isn’t always perfect, which i found relatable and compelling.

5. Who’s your least favourite Marvel superhero and why?

This is actually a pretty hard question. There are plenty of MCU characters I care about very little, and some I like a lot but hate the way they’re handled, and some that are just fucking irrelevant so I’ll list 3 for 3 different reasons.

1- Clint Barton. I read Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye (and some of his other work- check him out!) and loved Hawkeye. Then I watched shit ass MCU Hawkeye and he’s a fucking OC with Clint’s name. He’s an asshole, his motivations make no sense, I don’t like Jermey Renner as a person or an actor, and I fucking hated that family in Age of Ultron because it makes no sense and doesn’t fit into the rest of the universe. So I like Clint, but not fuckin MCU Clint because nothing about him makes sense.

2- Wanda. I love what she could be and her powers are so compelling and unlike most Tony fans I sympathize with her wanting him dead (but don’t understand why she chose him over the people who dropped the bomb, the terrorists in her country, or at least doesn’t hold blame in other wider structures that influenced her parent’s death like military personal, the POTUS, etc). Anyways- I like what Wanda could be, but not what she is. She whines and cries about being treated like a child while simutaniously throwing a temper tantrum, apparently doesn’t put as much or potentially even more blame on Viz for being complicit in Tony’s (shitty- no excuse for this) choice to keep her on the compound all because romance angle? And while I sympathize with her not wanting to hurt Viz in IW, that’s a horrible position to be in, I don’t understand why she didn’t at least try and feel out a solution to save him while also destroying the stone until they made Shuri do it. One person you care about versus half the universe? That’s fucking harsh, I’d never want to be there, but I’m certain I could never be that selfish. So I lose someone I care about, half the universe doesn’t get to feel the same way. That’s a win.

There’s a lot about her I do like though, and I’ll explore that again out of the context of World War Me, but as she stands her motivations and character actions don’t make a lot of sense to me and it feels contrived just for plot points. She gets the shit end of the stick and I’m convinced its linked to misogyny- its not like characters who aren’t women get shunted like that Bruce Banner aside (one time versus Wanda’s entire character story).

3- Steve Rogers. Now don’t get me wrong, in the recent movies he’s gone through some development- in CW he didn’t even have an argument, he dropped his shield for Bucky, and then when he shows back up his speech to Ross is such a fuckin asshole thing to say/ do and its so disrespectful (and the fact that I care what he says to ROSS is saying something, but that’s due to the wider implications and the fact that Steve would 100% say that to him pending alien invasion or no, not because its an emergency that influences why I even care). Anyways- his negative development is actually interesting! He is a character based in perfection and he’s gotten this amazing storyline that’s made him selfish and sometimes also callus and cruel. That’s compelling, and his motivations! Amazing! 

There’s so much the MCU can do with a man who can’t adjust to the future, has PTSD, and doesn’t know how to handle being in a moral situation that doesn’t have a clear right answer- and it shows. To me these things are interesting, sometimes noble, and profoundly selfish in a way that actually makes a lot of sense considering the context and is a super interesting take on a character that’s usually Perfect And Right All The Time. But instead of actually exploring his motivations, actions, and negative character development the MCU AND the fans treat him as this perfect dude who can do no wrong. This is fucking stupid- the guy is on a downward spiral into who fuckin knows what and instead of exploring this loss of identity, morality, and sense of self he’s treated as the moral compass! Are you fucking kidding me! This shit is so much more compelling than just making the dude right because you’re too fucking lazy to actually write him an argument and a reason behind it. And not acknowledging his negative development and giving me an interesting story (finally) about a hero who’s always been perfect and just shoving him back into his Morally Perfect Always™ role instead of exploring him in new, compelling ways personally victimizes me. So fuck the MCU for that and fuck the idiot fans (god that’s bitter, sorry) who think he’s a true moral compass when at this point none of them are- and that’s ok. That’s interesting to explore, creates conflict, and creates story.

This just makes me want to write a character study of Steve tbh. Maybe I will. He’ll actually get to go on a journey of his negative development then, and then come back from it in a meaningful way rather than just handed the Being Right Award that the lazy writers gave him.

Another TL;DR- Clint sucks because he sucks, but Steve and Wanda could have been so much more if the writers weren’t jackasses.

8. Who’s the strongest Avenger?

Wanda lmao. No argument there, the only one who even stood a chance against her is Vision and she put him down easily too. Which is why I think she’s so interesting, but no, she gets handed stupid contrived storylines based in a romance no one cares about instead of exploring her power, origin story, motivations, and further development.

But yeah, no arguing that she’s the strongest Avenger as far as raw power goes.

9. Any underrated Avenger? Any overrated Avenger?

Underrated avenger: Rhodey my dudes. First of all he’s a decently fleshed out, interesting character. Then you have this interesting background of him knowing the military isn’t really perfect but still maintaining his interest in the military and being complicit in some of its actions, which I think is super compelling and I’d like the MCU to explore that further. Plus you’ve got his intelligence in engineering, his strategical genius, his loyalty, his compassion- he’s just a great dude. He’s sassy too, which is always a plus. But then you get these weird moments in the MCU where they go back on his characterization- like in IM3 where he basically tells Tony to get over himself after a panic attack. That’s so OOC- firstly even if he’s never seen a panic attack (doubtful, in the military) he’s a naturally compassionate guy, and especially so to Tony. So where the fuck was that? You will never convince me that there’s a solid reason for that- he spent 3 fuckin months tracking his best friend down only to tell him to get over himself while having a panic attack? And what even WAS that scene in CW when Steve came back? And that scene where he was totes cool with Thor strangling Tony?

This poor man is so underrated the MCU contributes to his being underrated by using him as a plot device instead of an actual fuckin character (quite like Wanda, and they’re both minorities. Hmm). Anyways Rhodey does not get enough love, nor does his status as a hero outside of Tony get enough love, NOR does his friendship with Tony get enough love, and his potential romantic connections with Tony also don’t get enough love. His sass, compassion, and his interesting participation in a system he knows doesn’t always to the right thing, and occasional complicity in this, also doesn’t get enough love. And the MCU can eat my turds for ignoring who he is as a character just to use him as a plot device.

Overrated character- Ok this is gunna be so mean lmao I love him so much I swear but Bucky. Why the this is this bland ass white dude with 3 half personality traits and literally nothing outside of Steve’s character even liked? He is the male Sharon Carter and honestly that’s unfair to Sharon because she at least has SHIELD and spying as personal interests, what the fuck does Bucky have? HYDRA control, which is literally nothing. He’s almost never an active character, he’s barely even constructed as a character, and has nothing outside of Steve to make him compelling at all.

He is objectively so fucking bland that a couple days ago I realized that when I write Bucky I’m taking his 3 traits from the MCU and literally constructing an OC because Bucky is nowhere near developed enough as a character to even write. He’s also a plot device and used as motivation for Steve. Poor dude doesn’t even have interests outside Steve. How he got to be so massively popular, including to me, I have no idea because objectively speaking he is one of the least interesting characters in the MCU- its everyone else around him that makes his story interesting. Seriously. If Steve wasn’t his friend and Tony’s parents weren’t his parents would we even care about him at all? 

A good character still stands if you take the people around them away- take that away from Bucky and his story loses all meaning because it isn’t important to Bucky, its important to the people around him. Like his story is sad, but the emotional impact of what happens to him doesn’t even come from us caring about him, it comes from us caring about the people around him. Granted people are overly attached to him so it worked out in the MCU’s favor and the writers won’t need to make him an active, interesting protagonist because people read into him finding things that aren’t there, and seriously I swear I love Bucky, but he really is a stale, uninteresting character if I actually examine him on his own rather than in the wider context of the events he’s a part of.

TL;DR- love Rhodey you heathens, and while I love Bucky I don’t know why because he isn’t interesting if you look at his story on its own due to its complete lack of emotional impact on him rather than the characters around him.

[academicsapphic]

University can be extremely hard on your mental health, especially if you already struggled with mental illness beforehand. Like I’ve shared before, my depression and anxiety hit an all-time high? low? I don’t know which to call it but it got to the point I didn’t think I was going to make it. I did make it, however, and here are the things I hope will help you avoid going through what I did. Of course, I’m not a professional and I can’t speak for everyone, so I want to emphasize that these are things that I personally struggled with and that this is advice I would have given to myself in these circumstances.

Incorporate organization into your life. If you’re already an organized person, keep with it. College is a ton of work and you’ll have to keep track of a lot of things. I don’t know about you, but personally, when I know I have a lot of tasks to finish but I can’t remember how many or when they’re due and everything is just on my desk in a messy pile, I get very overwhelmed to the point of feeling suffocated, then I shut down and do nothing. Have a planner, bullet journal, or app of some sort to keep track of all your assignments. Plan when you’re going to work on them. Break assignments down into smaller tasks to make them seem less intimidating. PAY ATTENTION TO DUE DATES. It can be very easy to get things confused and lose track of it all; you want to prevent this from happening.

Drill it into your mind that in college, NO ONE cares what you do. This is mainly addressing the social anxiety side of things, which I struggle with pretty badly. When I first arrived at university, I was excited that no one knew who I was; it was a completely fresh start. It only took a couple of weeks before I felt that everyone had formed some type of negative opinion about me. It got to the point where I felt so self conscious on the way to class that I wasn’t even able to walk correctly without consciously thinking “okay, right foot, left foot”. Keep in mind that on a college campus, there’s thousands of people, and none of them are paying attention to you. No one cares what you eat, what you wear, or if you trip. Take comfort in the fact that you’ll probably never see these people more than once anyway. Everyone is just there to get a degree and do their own thing; as long as you’re a nice person, do what you want and try not to worry about what other people think of you.

Find a support system. University can be very lonely if you don’t have anyone to talk to, or if the only people around you are people who don’t understand what you’re going through and offer you unwarranted neurotypical advice like “drink more water” and “just think positive”. It really helps to have someone there who you can vent to about your problems and who can validate your experiences. All of my friends struggle with mental illness in some way like I do, so we can all understand each other and talk to each other about these things. Whether it’s your friends, your parents, or even people on the internet, having someone there to support you can make it feel like you aren’t carrying the load all alone, because you are never alone, even when you feel like you are. (Of course, I do recommend seeking professional help for the long run and the bigger, more serious issues, this is just for your everyday, more general things)

Don’t push yourself too hard. When you get to university, you may think of it as a continuation of high school in the sense of having to do a lot of things to distinguish yourself from others or to feel accomplished. You might want to join every club, take every class you can, make plans every night, and that is not a great idea. Only participate in extra-curriculars you actually have an interest in and genuinely enjoy; otherwise, you’re just wasting your time. I very highly recommend against taking the maximum number of credit hours you’re allowed to take, especially as a first-year, unless for some reason you absolutely have to. At Vandy, the limit is 18 hours/6 classes, and that’s a lot. If you find that you have made too many commitments, you don’t have to stick with them just because. The whole idea of “never be a quitter, always finish what you started” can be very detrimental to your mental health. If you push yourself too hard, you could end up with a lot of anxiety that could come to a head in a breakdown which is never good. Drop a class or a club if you just don’t have the time or energy to continue it anymore. You’re not a quitter; you’re taking care of yourself, which is the most important thing you could ever do. 

Sometimes you just need a break. Don’t be afraid to take a mental health day every once in a while. If you were physically sick with the flu or a migraine, you wouldn’t go to class, so why would you go to class if you’re a having a really bad depression episode or anxiety day? When your mental illness is flaring up, you’re not going to be productive anyway, so it’s not going to benefit you to force yourself to go to class. In my experience, and many of my friends experiences, professors can be understanding if you have some personal things going on. Just try to be honest with them, if you can, instead of just going AWOL with no explanation. When you have so much going on in addition to trying to keep your brain in check, bad days are inevitable. It’ll benefit you more to just ride it out and give yourself the time to recuperate than it would be to try to ignore and push through it, because then it’ll just come back ten times harder. Somedays you wake up and just can’t get out of bed. Take the day to focus on yourself so you can come through it better than before.

Please seek help when you need it, as soon as you need it. The mental health aspect of college is often avoided in the media as a topic of conversation. Vanderbilt proudly touts it’s second year winning the title of “Happiest Students in the Nation”, which I and a lot of my fellow classmates think is bullshit, because it is. No one is happy all the time, and you can’t measure happiness. It’s dangerous to advertise this because it could deter a student struggling with depression to seek the help they need as they believe that no one else is going through the same thing and there is no one to help them. I can promise you that whatever you’re going through, there are a lot of other people going through it, too. University is unbelievably stressful and can do a number on even those who have previously never had a problem with their mental health. If you start to feel overwhelmed, I encourage you to seek out counseling or whatever type of resources your school has available to you. Even just talking to someone once can help you a lot. If you already see a therapist/psychiatrist, try to keep seeing them when you start school, and if you’re moving away to school, try to find someone new before you get there. I thought about going to the PCC for a long time, and people told me that I should, but I just kept putting it off until I reached an extreme low. I like to think that I never would have had to hit that low if I had sought out help as soon as I knew I needed it. It can be nerve-wracking, so try to find a friend who will go with you, or call on the phone first before going in person. There’s a lot going on in university, but your health always comes first, no question. You won’t be able to succeed academically in the long run if you’re not your best self.

Understand that university is not the end-all, be-all. One of the main symptoms of anxiety is catastrophic thinking; you always assume the worst is going to happen, and the smallest things feel apocalyptic in nature. During my entire second semester, when I was on academic probation with really low grades in my classes, it constantly felt like my world was ending. I mean I spent every second of every day worrying about flunking out of school, and I genuinely thought I was going to die. A strategy I’ve learned in therapy is to tackle these thoughts; my therapist would ask, “okay, so if you do fail this test, what is going to happen? if you do fail out of class, what is going to happen? are you going to get hurt? are you going to die?” and of course, the answer was no. It helped me a lot to realize that even if I did fail all my classes and fail out of school, what was the worst that could happen? I wouldn’t die, my life wouldn’t be over, I was going to be fine. Of course, getting kicked out of uni would suck, but ultimately, I would survive. Plenty of people leave uni or never go to uni, and they ended up okay. Since anxiety always brings up the worst case scenario, which to a uni student would be failing out of school, address that scenario and realize it’s not the end of everything. And once you realize that, and then realize that the worse case scenario is extremely unlikely, every other possibility suddenly seems less daunting. It takes a lot to get kicked out of school; one failing grade, even three semesters of probation won’t get you removed (at least not here). If you get a bad grade on an exam, or even fail a class, you don’t have to automatically feel like your life is over. If your mental health causes you long-term struggles with school, your uni will work with you; see if you can take an approved underload (which is a number of credit hours less than the required minimum) or take a leave of absence. Neither of these things mean you’re a failure. Some people just have a different path than others. Maybe you’ll realize that university just wasn’t for you, and that is okay. 

Mental health is a much bigger issue in university than it seems. Yes, your grades are important, but your well-being is infinitely more so. Please always remember to take care of yourself, keep things in perspective, and seek help when you need it. If you need advice or someone to lend an ear, my inbox is always open. 

This was the last post idea I had lined up for this series, so if you have any topics you would like to see me give advice on, please please let me know! I did think about making a post of all my most embarrassing freshman year moments which I think could be hilarious, so I might do that. In the meantime, check out my previous university advice series posts if you haven’t already!

Application Process

Choosing/Changing Majors

Orientation Week/Move-In/First Day of Classes

Roommate Living

Classes and Schoolwork

[bluephoenixdruidicprincess]

Shadowhunters Season 2 Epsiode 13 -- Those of Demon Blood -- Review/Discussion

Here we are again with another Shadowhunters review. This time we have Season 2 Episode 13, Those of Demon Blood. I have to say I was much more on the verge of liking this episode than I have with the past couple of episodes. It still isn’t exactly compelling me to get excited for this show and the next episode but it was interesting enough to keep me engaged. Like with the previous episodes, I found enjoyment watching the episode unfold but I really have no inclination to watch it again – even though I did because I’m a responsible reviewer (you’re welcome, guys).

This is going to be an honest review of my thoughts and feelings regarding this episode. If you’re the kind of Shadowhunters fan where you only want to hear positive things about the show, this is not the place for you. If you decide to stick around and get offended by what is said, then that’s on you. I warned you. Just know that if you send me any rude comments or messages, I will 100% ignore you. I find that’s the best way to deal with bullies. I work 14 hour days. Do you really think I want to waste my incredibly valuable free time dealing with derogatory comments? Hell no. This review will consist of my honest opinions. Opinions are never right or wrong. I’m not telling you how to think and feel. I’m telling you what I think and feel. So please, let’s discuss with dignity and respect. If I’m critical about the show, it’s only because I want it to get better. There is, in fact, a difference between hating a show and being critical of it. I do not hate Shadowhunters; I am being critical and analyzing the flaws as I would with any other show. There are positives but there are also negatives. It’s great if you want to promote positivity with this show (and I encourage you to do so) but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t acknowledge the things that are legitimately wrong with it. Also, keep in mind that despite the fact that I do love the books, me being critical of this show has nothing to do with my love of the books. I don’t really care if the show deviates from the source material as long as it’s good and it makes sense. My problems with this show are problems that I would have with any show or book for that matter. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to take issue with a show that has plot holes, shoddy world-building, and inconsistent characters. There will be spoilers for the show and spoilers for the books and movie. 

As always, this was not a perfect episode but structurally and tonally, I thought this was a very good episode. I spent a good amount of time racking my brain trying to figure out why I enjoyed this episode a little more than the previous two what with this episode displaying the same illogical behavior as the previous ones; not to mention plot twists the show thinks is clever but really aren’t as clever as they think it is. But I think I’ve figured it out. There was only one central plot to this episode. We didn’t have a whole lot of subplots sending us in every direction. There was one problem in this episode and everyone was more or less pushed to move that one plot forward. This is what I mean when I say “Have the characters push the story and not the story push the characters.” The show introduced this one plot and everyone aided in moving it along. In the books, it always felt like all of these characters were one big family and that’s kind of how it felt in this episode. It really felt like all of these characters had real bonds with each other. As always, there are weird things and things I don’t agree with but structurally and tonally, this episode worked in a way I don’t think any of the previous episodes this season have. 

Let’s Talk About This Plot 

So this central plot was interesting to watch unfold as you can pull a lot of parallels to what the media is reporting in the real word. This was an extremely politically based episode and it was a little heavy-handed at times and extremely blatant but overall, I liked how they did the plot. The Shadowhunters book series also had a very political foundation so I really don’t mind if the show gets political on us. Note: I’m not going to talk real world politics here. That is not the purpose of this blog. I will ignore any comments made about real world politics or any assumptions made on my political stance. To be blunt about it, my political affiliations is none of your business just like your political affiliation is none of my business and I will never make assumptions about who you support. I expect you to afford the same respect to me. But anyway, I enjoyed how we had this one central plot with all of the characters moving the plot forward with their actions and motivations. Now granted, it wasn’t perfect. There are things that don’t really make sense and obvious plot twists that were a little too obvious.

For one, no shadowhunter in this episode ever entertains the possibility that maybe the downworlders are being framed. Everyone sees the dead shadowhunters with different marks on their bodies and just assumes that all of these kills align with the respective downworlder marks left on their body. Never mind the fact that the shadowhunter bodies were exhibiting the same creepy serial killer MO (runes being flayed off). Not a single person questions this. I could chalk it up to the shadowhunters giving a typical fear response. You’re not liable to think logically when you’re afraid. But the fact that the Lightwoods also didn’t question it either was a little too illogical. Then we also have the shadowhunters completely puzzled as to why Kaelie was trying to frame other downworlders. Really? I think it’s pretty obvious. Izzy apparently is the smartest person there whether I agree with the pathologist plot point or not. Suffice to say, I don’t because that plot point is full of plot holes. I can forgive a show for having plot holes in world building but I can’t forgive a show for having plot holes in a character’s defining personality trait. Even if I don’t necessarily respect or buy the “Izzy is the best pathologist in NYC” it doesn’t change the fact that the show has decided to make it canon so Izzy is supposedly a genius. Which means the show can’t just ignore that fact whenever it’s convenient for the plot. But who am I kidding? This is Shadowhunters, after all. The day this show uses sound logic will be the day the universe implodes. But yeah, shouldn’t Izzy be smart enough to figure Kaelie’s “master plan” out if we go with her being some sort of child prodigy? I am not a pathologist and I can figure this one out. God, I hate it when characters are dumb for plot convenience. Which, in the case of this show, IS ALL THE DAMN TIME.

Also, Kaelie being the killer wasn’t really all that surprising. Never, for a single second during this episode, did I actually believe Sebastian/Jonathon was committing these murders. That was the fan theory but I never really clung onto that one. Nor did I ever once believe that Meliorn was responsible either. I’ve had far too much experience with procedural crime dramas to have been duped by that particular plot twist. I can spot a red herring plot from across the universe. Not to mention, the show was really laying it on thick. Raphael insinuates that Meliorn once said that the downworlders would need to show their true power in order to gain respect from the Clave and then the episode pans to Meliorn somewhere on a dark, dimly lit set. They might as well have lit up a neon sign saying, “THIS IS WHO YOU SHOULD SUSPECT NEXT.” It was so obvious it was a mislead. Not to mention, Kaelie is a character we saw briefly in one episode of 2A. She has never been mentioned since. We’ve gotten no inclination before that she was ever going to pop up again. The show gave no innocent reasoning for why she was there at the bar in that particular moment. So her just popping up in the bar conveniently where the first body was dumped, moments before the body was revealed…hmm, I wonder who the killer could be. As I’ve said before, Shadowhunters isn’t nearly as clever as they think they are.

Then the Inqusitor has this idea to implant all the downworlders with trackers under the guise of, “we can track shadowhunters with their runes; this is no different.” This is kind of a dumb argument to make because it actually is canon in this show that there’s a way for shadowhunters to prevent themselves from being tracked. Remember, back in Season 1 when the Clave wanted to find Clary because they thought she had the Mortal Cup? Jace sent her a pic of a rune and told her to draw it on herself because it would prevent the Clave from tracking her. That’s not a usable argument if there’s a way that shadowhunters can block the tracking. And apparently it’s common knowledge to all shadowhunters. Even more ridiculous than them making the decision to put these trackers on the downworlders, they send only two shadowhunters to a bar full of downworlders. If you’re going to do this, fine. I don’t agree with it. I think it’s a downright despicable thing to do but hey, people do horrible things out of fear. But if you’re going to do this, make sure you have the manpower to back you up. Did the Clave really think the downworlders were going to line up for trackers being implanted into their skin? To viably do this in the real world, you’d need an entire army to get this done.

But speaking of which, Maia really shined in this episode. As did Luke. I’m a little on the rocks about Isaiah as Luke and a lot of it has to do with the show just not writing anything decent for Luke. But in this episode, I saw the Luke I’ve been waiting for. The Luke that despite wanting to be there for Clary and Simon also is a strong advocate for fighting for what’s right. I just loved his moment when Jace reveals that he’s decided to go forward with this tracker plan because the killer went after Clary. You can tell Jace is expecting Luke to be on his side and tell his pack to get implanted. But no. Luke is all, “This isn’t about Clary. This is about starting a war. Do you really want that blood on your hands?” I’m not going to lie, the anti-Clary part of me rejoiced a little when Luke was saying there are more important things than Clary, sometimes. Yes! Someone besides Alec acknowledging that Clary is not the most important person in the universe. That just because you’re doing this for Clary doesn’t change that what you’re doing is wrong and you know it. And poor Jace looked like he was about to cry. But these days, Jace always looks like he’s about to cry. Nothing wrong with that. Just a casual observance. And I really liked Maia reacting to this, realizing it’s wrong and being a total badass about it. Now, I know I wasn’t the biggest Maia advocate during her “I’ma kill Clary” stage but I can go with this because it was actually justified here and made sense with her character. Instead of Maia’s kill mode coming completely from left field as was the case with the “let’s murder Clary” plot. She realizes what the shadowhunters are trying to do is wrong and she’s willing to fight for it. Then of course another weird writing moment came a little later when the Clave arrests Maia because she was a block away from one of the dead bodies. Jace had managed to implant her with a tracker earlier. So the Clave tracked her within a block of a dead body. So what? It’s NYC. Just about anyone is a block away from a dead body. Why weren’t they able to track her to the actual dead body? It was a little hard for me to believe that the shadowhunters, despite being consumed with fear would jump to this conclusion, afraid or not.

More Herondale Drama

So Jace is definitely not acting like Jace at all in this episode. Which is kind of understandable. He just found out he’s a Herondale after all and I can understand him trying to please his family. Here’s the thing about Jace. He wants people to love him but is afraid they won’t so he has this air of snark and sarcasm to protect himself from being hurt. At least, in the books, he does. In the show, that personality trait is a little inconsistent. In this episode’s scenario, he just found out after believing that he didn’t have any family to impress that he does have a family to impress. He desperately wants to be accepted by the Herondales because he wants a family. He lost Michael Wayland as a father and was adopted by the Lightwoods but never really felt like he belonged. He then found out he was Valentine’s son but Valentine turned his back on him and then revealed that Jace isn’t his son. He feels lost. He doesn’t know who he really is. His bad decisions in this episode are perfectly understandable. After years of feeling like he doesn’t belong somewhere, he finally has the chance to belong somewhere. Not saying he was right but I can certainly understand his motivations. He does redeem himself by realizing he is not suited to be the head of an Institute. He names Alec the next head which is probably for the best. Jace is too impulsive and gets swept up in his own emotions far too easily. You can’t make the really hard decisions a head of an Institute may have to make if you’re constantly letting your emotions dictate the decisions you make. Whereas I do agree with Clary when she makes the statement that emotions make you stronger. That is true to a certain extent. But there are some things that logic cannot be applied to. It works if you’re fighting in a battle and you’re trying to find a reason to fight and to keep on fighting. However, when you’re governing a large group of people with differing personalities and emotions, people who’s safety you’re responsible for, you can’t let your personal feelings cloud what’s best for the group. And currently, Jace is not in the right mindset to be able to make those decisions and leave his personal feelings out of it. He’s on a journey of self-discovery and on his way having to deal with his very complicated feelings towards Clary. Alec is a much better choice. Even though he’s no robot himself, he can moderate his feelings to a certain extent and get to the heart of an issue and make a sound decision from there. The only reasons the Inquisitor didn’t want to name him as the head is 1) she now has a bias towards Jace, 2) I don’t think she likes the Lightwoods very much and 3) Alec is dating a downworlder. Shadowhunters, particularly those who come from Idris are very small-minded when it comes to downworlders.

But the Herondale plot also had logic inconsistencies. The Inquisitor apparently knows a little about what Jace is normally like, that he’s impulsive and doesn’t respect authority, and she still thinks he’s a good choice as head of an Institute? Like I said, she’s biased. I’m also a little confused on what’s going on with Jace’s parents. In the books, Jace’s parents were part of the Circle. Is that canon in the show? I don’t think they’ve ever stated it. It just kind of confuses me because the Inquisitor keeps on talking like Stephen and Celine were these great people when really, they were kind of not. They fell in love with Valentine’s ideals just like everyone else and unlike Luke and Jocelyn, they didn’t realize their mistake in time. They died still supporting Valentine. They died traitors. Forever a black mark on the Herondale line. Maybe the show is saving this reveal for Jace at a later time or maybe it really isn’t canon. Who knows? I’ve learned that with this show, you shouldn’t think book logic...or any logic at all. You just need to sit back and try to enjoy the ride…try being the operative word.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a review if I didn’t rag on Clary a little bit and this episode is no different. Granted, Clary was a little more tolerable in this episode but it still doesn’t mean I liked her. So Clary is yelling at Jace for following the Inquisitor instead of following what he thinks is right. That what the shadowhunters is doing is wrong and that he should stop. Which okay, fine. We all know what the shadowhunters are doing is wrong. But here’s what irritates me about Clary. Her telling other people that what they’re doing is wrong but not doing anything to help the situation. She’s a rebel without a cause or in this case, a rebel without a solution and it kind of annoys me. She’s pretty much equivalent to a teenager complaining about how unfair their life is but just expecting the problems to fix themselves. As my father said my entire childhood, step up or step aside. You don’t get to bitch unless you’re willing to do something about it. So yeah, you can tell the shadowhunters that what they’re doing is wrong and even if they decided to stop, there are still people dying. You haven’t given any ideas on how to stop that. As the Inquisitor said, “People are dying. When the next body comes in, what will you tell their family?” How are you going to be able to look that family in the eye and say you’re sorry for their loss but that you did nothing to prevent it? You think that family is going to give a damn about maintaining downworlder relations? Just think about it for a second. Imagine you’re 10-years-old and you’re at the Shadowhunter Academy. I don’t know if the Academy actually exists in the show. But for these purposes, just imagine it does. Your family comes to see you and tell you that your father/mother/brother/sister won’t be around to see you graduate from the academy because they were flayed alive by an unknown entity. You go to the NYC institute to find out more information only for them to tell you that they don’t know anything and they haven’t done anything to stop it. How are you going to react? How are you going to deal with the loss of that family member when, for all you knew, it could’ve been avoided if the Institute had taken action. Ideals are nice but they don’t pay the bills. Again, no one misconstrue that I think the Clave is right. That’s not what I’m saying AT ALL. They are absolutely WRONG. I’m just saying that for me to genuinely like Clary as a character, she needs to get off her high horse of idealism and actually get shit done. You don’t like the way the world works, then do something about it. Don’t just complain about it. The only way a situation is resolved is if someone does something about it. That’s Newton’s First Law. An object will remain at rest unless acted upon by an external force. In this case, shadowhunters are going to continue dying until someone does something to stop it. For better or for worse. 

Max the Next Shadowhunter

So we had a sequence of really adorable scenes with Max. I’m always happy to see Max brought back into the story and this time he’s brought in to finally start his official shadowunter training. This does beg the question, who is training Clary? If you start the training at the age of 10, how has Clary become an expert shadowhunter in the course of a few weeks? You would think the older you are when you start, the longer it takes. That’s why we’re sent to preschool at toddler age. So we can be taught to think a certain way. Same principle applies here. Getting those reactive instincts to fight at a younger age is paramount. Clary hasn’t had a chance to develop those reactive instincts so it stands to reason that it would probably take her a little longer to catch on to the training. But no, she’s pretty much an expert whenever the plot calls for it. But whatever. I could write an entire book on how badly written of a character Show Clary is. So Izzy has been tasked with training Max by Alec. Alec thinks it will help her with her venom addiction issues. The show keeps on saying yin fen addiction but I am no longer going to indulge the show by calling it a yin fen addiction. It is not a yin fen addiction; she is addicted to vampire venom. The scenes between Max and Izzy were really cute. Izzy tells Max that she has her own mission she has to go on and he wants to go with her and she tells him to stay put. Which I have no idea why she thought telling a 10-year-old boy to stay at home was actually going to work. Of course he shows up on the mission and of course he gets kidnapped by Kaelie. I really have no idea why when they heard the banging sound, Izzy didn’t just tell Max to stay behind her. You’re going to leave him alone in a dark shipyard, you have no idea where the enemy is. If they’ve spotted Max. Yes, that was a sound plan, Izzy. I’m being sarcastic here. But what can I say, Izzy had to make a dumb decision here because the plot necessitates it. Max needed to be kidnapped so Izzy could kill Kaelie. I’m also really scared that Max is back in the story. Book fans understand the implications of Max and Sebastian/Jonathon now in the same city occupying the same space. I don’t want to see it happen but I feel like that’s what we’re headed towards.

We also had a small little scene where Raphael is low-key jealous of Meliorn. This is around the time they think Meliorn is behind the kills so Izzy uses one of Meliorn’s shirts she has to track him. Raphael is like, “You wore one of his shirts home and haven’t given it back after all this time?” As much as I don’t love Rizzy, it was still pretty cute.

The Malec Rant

Now, I’m sure a lot of you have already seen my Malec rant from a couple of days ago and I’m going to talk about it again. This wouldn’t be a truthful review if I didn’t talk about Malec. I honestly was not a big fan of Malec this episode. It isn’t because they were fighting. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I want them to fight. It’s what makes the relationship feel real. I didn’t like this episode’s Malec because, once again, Alec is made out to be the bad guy in a fight where Magnus continues being this perfect being that doesn’t make a mistake in this relationship. Even though, I feel he did make a mistake. His mistake: just assuming that Alec was asking for a hair sample because Alec suspected him and not looking at the bigger picture. Looking at the situation Alec is in. I can kind of understand Magnus’ stance, though. Magnus feels insecure in Alec not having faith in him because Alec didn’t believe the switch. Well, he believed it but at the same time he also didn’t want to be wrong either. I can understand that. Would you want to be included on the long list of people Valentine has duped? We all think about the situation and we all want to say that we would’ve believed it was really Magnus but at the end of the day, none of us have been in that situation. Is it really right to judge Alec for that? I’m not saying Alec was right. I’m not saying Magnus was right. I’m saying I understand why Alec couldn’t straight up believe the switch. And I’m saying I understand why Magnus may question Alec’s faith a little. Let me make this clear because I saw a lot of posts talking about how Alec was a real douche and he shouldn’t be so mean to precious Magnus. I don’t know how everyone else was interpreting the scene but I interpreted the scene as Alec wanting a hair sample so he could have a way to prevent the Clave from suspecting Magnus. Nowhere in this scene does Alec ever say he’s doing this because he suspects Magnus. But Magnus is all, “you’re doing this because you have no faith in me” and I’m just like, “No, he’s doing this so the Clave doesn’t come to your place accusing you.” Let’s think this through logically. So let’s say hypothetically, that Alec decides to not pursue the hair sample. It’s not going to change the fact the Clave is still going to suspect Magnus. Magnus isn’t giving any other ways to prove he wasn’t responsible for a shadowhunter’s death. Alec can’t just tell the Inquisitor that Magnus didn’t do it simply because he believes in Magnus. That’s not going to fly with the Inquisitor. Hell, it wouldn’t fly in the real world if a detective told their superior not to suspect someone because they believe in that person. The detective would’ve been laughed right out of the precinct. Just like the Inquisitor probably would’ve barred Alec from the investigation. I don’t know about you, but if I were the Inquisitor I would see Alec in that moment as being unable to keep his personal feelings and his job separate. There’s a reason why detectives and cops aren’t allowed to work on investigations they have a personal connection to. This, right here. Now keep in mind, I’m not saying either party was right in this fight. Alec could’ve broached the situation better and Magnus could’ve thought about the situation Alec is in and been a little more understanding. Not straight up accuse him of not following his heart because Alec following his heart in this situation wouldn’t have helped either of them. It’s like the Clary argument from earlier, Magnus is doing a whole lot of complaining without giving a whole lot of solutions to aid in fixing the problem. Then the show just makes it even worse at the end by having Alec apologize and say he’ll never doubt Magnus again. BUT HE WASN’T DOUBTING MAGNUS! Geez, the writing in this show. It makes me want to pull my hair out. You know what would’ve been a better resolution to this fight?

ALEC: I’m sorry. I should’ve put up a bigger fight against the Inquisitor about suspecting you.

MAGNUS: And I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have assumed you didn’t have any faith in me.

This is just a general idea of how I would like to have seen it resolved. See, I resolved a fight with both parties admitting they had faulted. Like an actual, healthy relationship. *GASP* And that right there is the problem I have with the Malec relationship. The fact that there is always one person completely at fault while the other is completely blameless. This relationship has no sense of equality.

Another issue with Malec I have is the fact that the scenes are so short. We never see them just talking and getting to know each other. At the end of the day, with all of the fights these two have, I’m left scratching my head wondering, “Why on earth do these two like each other?” Seriously, why do they love each other? No development on the intellectual part of their relationship has been given. You think you can just have a scene where they confess their love for each other and I’m just going to accept it? No. I want to know why they love each other. Matt and Harry have great chemistry and I love seeing them on screen together but at the end of the day, good acting and chemistry just isn’t enough. The writers are actually going to have to pull their own weight eventually and make this relationship feel genuine. Every time these two have had a fight, I’ve hated those scenes. And it’s not because I don’t want my OTPs to fight. I want them to fight. The problem is the writers aren’t writing these fights organically and genuinely. It always feels like its forced. That these fights don’t feel like fights these two would be having.These writers need to sit down and figure out what these two characters love about each other and draft out conflicts accordingly. That’s the key to making this relationship feel more genuine.

And of course, I do have to mention the ending of this episode. Now from a tonal point of view, I liked how this episode ended. I liked the song. I liked how it mixed with the other scenes. Whoever’s in charge of mixing the fight scene music should follow this scene’s example. I do want to remark that Simon is surprisingly good at techno synthesizing and I also don’t necessarily understand how a college student who doesn’t appear to have a job is able to afford the equipment he has. Trust me, that equipment must’ve cost well over a grand. He must’ve been saving his entire life. But Simon’s unrealistic techno mixing skills isn’t what I really want to talk about. I’m sure you all knew I was going to talk about this. The make out scene between Jace and Maia. Now I understand the idea behind Jaia but was a 30 second make-out scene at the end really necessary when Malec had a less than satisfactory ending? They could’ve cut this scene down a little and wrote a really nice ending scene for Malec and the ending would’ve been so much more powerful. Shadowhunters keeps on digging itself a bigger and bigger hole in regards to their sex scenes. Malec gets all of the chaste and fade-to-black kiss scenes while all of the heterosexual couples get these high intensity sex scenes that are unnecessarily long. I know, the show is trying to be racy but they need to stop with these scenes. The Malec fans are seconds away from rioting. To an extent, I understand Freeform’s position. They’re trying to be more racy. They want the audience the CW has. However, it doesn’t change the fact that Freeform (ABC Family) is a family channel. As progressive as we want society to be, it isn’t always that way. When Beauty and the Beast came out earlier this year, I went to see it on opening night and there were quite a few families who unfortunately took their kids out of the theater mid-way through the movie because they didn’t like LGBT intonations the film had. It’s very distressing that this is still happening but it is. And this is the precise reason I did not want ABC Family to produce Shadowhunters. I knew this was going to happen. I knew the show was going to try to be more racy but that it was also going to be tied down by the same conservative values that most family channels suffer from. I would’ve been far more comfortable if the CW had taken this show. The CW has a little more freedom when it comes to this sort of thing. I can’t say I’m really surprised that Malec’s been treated this way. Honestly, I would much prefer this show not do sex scenes period if they can’t give the same respect to Malec. But then again, I’m not Freeform. I don’t know what’s going on with them. Maybe this all comes down to what Matt and Harry are comfortable with. As progressive as they are, maybe they’re not entirely comfortable with doing a sex scene. It’s perfectly within an actor’s rights to say no to something that makes them uncomfortable. Regardless, if not every couple is going to be treated with the same respect in regards to sex scenes, then the show should’ve said no to sex scenes, period.

I didn’t hate everything about Malec in this episode, though. I did enjoy the scenes with Magnus and Dot. Not the actual Dot part, though. We all know I wish she had stayed dead. They keep on trying to make her important to these characters but you can’t rewrite an entire season where the main characters did not care about Dot in the slightest. Dot is apparently finally recovering from her ordeal with Valentine and Clary (who once called her relationship with Dot a sisterly bond) hasn’t mentioned her at all? Magnus and Dot’s relationship had never once been mentioned. Magnus announces that she’s dead in Season 1 and he really doesn’t seem to care but in this scene, it’s like these two have been drinking buddies for years. I agree that this scene was fun but it could’ve been any random warlock Magnus knew in this scene and it would’ve been exactly the same. But it was great to see Harry dancing again and it was also nice to see the show debunk the bi-stereotype. That bi people will sleep with anyone and everyone and are willing to cheat on their significant others. I’m glad the show made that statement. 

So, I know that just in that last section alone, I listed a whole bunch of problems but to clarify, I did like this episode. I felt it was definitely better than the last two. It’s still not on a level where I would continuously want to re-watch the episode nor does it leave me with counting down the days until the next episode premieres but I did like it. The things that got me was just the logic and the inconsistencies. Really, the same thing that bugs me with every episode. The writing. If more care could be taken with the writing I think I could probably really enjoy this show and this episode. But as it stands now, I’d have to give this episode maybe a high B-, maybe 84%.

That’s all I have for you. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Did you like the episode? Did you hate it? Just remember to be respectful of everyone’s opinions.

[spidermaneverynowandthen-blog]

I’ve decided to spend all of 2017 challenging myself to read a Spider-Man comic every day for the entire year because:

a)      I love that character but have never really gone back and read his classic, defining adventures

2)  I seek fulfilment in this life that otherwise provides me with none.

Today I’m reading Amazing Spider-Man #8. This issue promises from the cover to be a special tribute to that fantastic new 60’s concept of ‘The teenager’ and contains two stories ‘The Terrible Threat of the Living Brain!’ and ‘Spider-Man Tackles the Human Torch!’. Read on to find out my oh-so valuable opinions on these two stories…

The Terrible Threat of the Living Brain

What’s fantastic about Spider-Man is that he’s not just a character with a superhero life and a personal life. He has his superhero life; his work life at the Daily Bugle; His Aunt May worries; his school life and although it’s only been touched on so far, he has his place in the larger Marvel Universe and what he means in the context of a world with so many other heroes.

There are so many strands to his life that I sometimes get worried that I’m not talking enough about a given part of it. This issue places a focus on one area that I will admit I’ve been slightly glossing over for the last few days, his High School life.

The story opens with Peter’s class introduced to a super advanced new robot that amongst other things, has the best brain in the whole world. It’s called the Living Brain. The class is told to ask it any question it wants and of course, they ask what Spider-Man’s true identity is, which freaks the hell out of Peter. Luckily it’s written in mathematic equations and Peter is asked to decode it overnight. Peter and Flash argue and decide to have a BOXING MATCH!!! The match then gets interrupted by The Living Brain malfunctioning and trying to ‘catch’ all of the other students, cue Spider-Man spending the story trying to beat it.

The story was a lot better than I expected it to be given the pretty cringe-y tagline on the front cover. Both this and the next story put a strong focus on ‘teenagers’ but it felt a lot more natural than I expected.

Something I particularly liked was that Flash Thompson here came across as way more of a bully than he has done so far. Up until now I thought he seemed like a kind of douche-friend, but here he’s a straight up jerk to Peter and I think we really get a sense of how much this guy has made Peter’s life hell.

This also escalates pretty hilariously as Mr. Petty says he’s had enough of them arguing and they need to go sort it out in the gym…

It turns out that what he means is the two need to have a full twelve rounds boxing match with their PE Teacher (or Gym Teacher) as a referee.

Now look, I’m not sure if this was something that actually happened in the 60’s. My guess would be that it didn’t and it’s more likely that Stan Lee just imagined that teachers encouraged students to fight out their differences in an actual boxing ring – even if one student appears to be waaaay outmatched by the other. Despite the how and why of getting there though, it’s a really fun way of dealing with some things that have been building in the book so far. The match also gives us a panel that is so amazing that it’s all you need to understand just how revolutionary these comics were at the time.

As Peter punches out Flash, the dialogue is telling us one thing. But the art is telling us something completely different. That contrast between words and pictures is like the first thing people go to when they talk about why Watchmen is such a strong example of what comics are capable of doing. I’ll admit that I’ve heard a couple of times recently that Watchmen is heavily influenced by Ditko’s work on Amazing Spider-Man but it feels really good to see just what people are talking about when they say that.

The fight ends when the Living Brain shows up and accidentally causes Peter to hit Flash way harder than he intended. As this happens we get moment where we realise just how much the world is completely against poor Peter, he’s just proven he can beat Flash Thompson and everyone still makes fun of him as a coward because he just happened to knock Flash out as he’d turned his head due to The Living Brain’s shouts. Poor Peter.

The fight with The Living Brain is another example of the villain of the week offering something different to what we’ve seen before. Rather than having negative intentions, The Living Brain is just a robot whose programming was accidentally messed up by two thieves. Now he wants to attack everyone at the school, but not because he’s evil, just because he’s accidentally been programmed to do so.

This combined with the fact that he develops the way he attacks by learning from what Spider-Man does whilst trying to fight him makes him a pretty effective example of how scary intelligent machines can be and unlike something such as the excitement of Space travel, this is something that was clearly on the minds of people in the 60’s, but is pretty easy to relate to today. Literally if this story came out today the only difference would be that The Living Brain might have Wi-Fi.

Spider-Man Tackles the Human Torch

The second story basically saw Spider-Man show up at a party the Human Torch was attending and start a fight with him. The story is basically a cool fight comic, but what makes it interesting is that Peter is totally the bad guy in this one. He just shows up uninvited and acts like a dick. Even suggesting he’d like to steal the Torch’s girlfriend.

It’s a good fight though. It does a lot to showcase what both the Torch and Spider-Man can do with their respective powers and there are some really creative uses. The Human Torch uses Flamin’ buzz-saws! I didn’t know he could do that. It’s pretty cool. 

It’s not the most sympathetic portrayal of Peter/Spider-Man, but I do like that so far all the Fantastic Four (aside from Johnny) seem to want to do is have a chat with this poor teenager and help him out, but because of how the rest of the world treats him, he assumes they want to be horrible to him.

What I like a little less is the way Sue Storm is portrayed in the issue. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard it said before that Stan Lee isn’t great at writing women and that shows here. Sue Storm pretty much does nothing but swoon over Spider-Man for literally no reason. 

It’s pretty uncomfortable and as well as being a bad piece of characterisation for Sue herself also makes me look back on the characterisation of other female characters we’ve met so far and question them. Betty Brandt’s affection for Peter for example, I took as sweet, but it’s got me maybe reconsidering the intention behind that. 

A Few Overall Thoughts…

Generally I’ve been enjoying the extra room stories have been given over the last couple of issues, but here it was a nice change of pace. I think it helped that both of these stories were pretty distinctively different.

I also wanted to end by pointing out, as I have done a couple of times now, some instances of how these comics developed that successful ‘Marvel style’ that I’ve heard so much about in the past.

The first one is providing a little check list at the beginning of the story that basically first asks if a reader would be interested in the story. Then it kind of goes ‘well you’ve already bought the comic, so read it anyways’ in a way that I think really asks what the hell you’re doing if you’re not reading Spider-Man.

There was a pretty hilarious panel where Spider-Man asks who writes the Fantastic Four’s dialogue. Of course, it’s the person writing Spider-Man’s dialogue, Stan Lee. It’s a funny bit of self-awareness that keeps up Stan Lee’s trick of making the reader feel like he as a narrator is on your side, rather than the side of the people in charge of making these stories. Which is interesting because ‘those people’ are Stan Lee.

That’s all for today folks. Join me next time as we see Spider-Man take on his most evil and terrifying villain yet. Electro!!!

[ankurmutreja]

Review of the Book 'Left, Right and Centre' by Nidhi Razdan

Published on 18.07.2017 To be very frank, I had no intention to publish the review of the book ‘Left, Right and Centre’ by Nidhi Razdan on my blog. I prefer to review only well-deserving books on my blog. This book doesn’t seem to be one of them. The only motivation for writing this review here is the snub by Google Play, which I am assuming has been done under the influence of either the editor or the publisher of this book. I posted an innocuous 3 star neutral rating review of the book on Google Play yesterday, but those ….. removed it before or after publishing it. I didn’t save the copy of the review, so I am reproducing it below from my memory, which is not an exact reproduction. “In older days, that search for an item number or a pretty smile in an otherwise boring movie many a times led to manual rotating of the cassettes tapes. This need not be done now courtesy YouTube. However, books still don’t offer that convenience. Therefore, authors will have to learn to write crisp and short contents. Or at least highlight important text within the 140 characters limit, so that enterprising readers can tweet quotes from the book. I have only read the sample pages of this book, which mainly dwelled upon the Kashmir problem, so I won’t comment on the contents, but I am not buying this book unless either of the editor, the authors or the publisher tweet at least 300 engrossing quotes from the book (Rs 1/quote x 300 = Price of the book). I am giving the book a neutral 3 star rating.” As I said Google Play removed the above review, so I decided to go whole hog and wrote a new review discussing the contents of the two essays I had read; i.e., the introduction by Nidhi Razdan and the essay by Shah Faesal. Since the review was negative, I decided to send the notice of the review to Nidhi Razdan, Shah Faesal and Penguin through Twitter. I gave them a clear notice of nine hours. Nidhi Razdan was active on Twitter till late at night yesterday. There have been 10 profile clicks and two link clicks on my tweet. So, there is good reason to believe the review has been read by atleast one of the recipients. Since there was no reply by anybody, I submitted this second review to Google Play at around 8 AM today. Nearly two hours have passed since then but the review has not been published. So, I am reproducing it here in the quotes below. The review has not been edited, so please bear with me. “I wrote a review a while ago with a neutral 3 star rating here on Google Play, which has been removed. Don’t know why? But anyways, now I will go whole hog. I have read introduction by Nidhi Razdan, the full essay by Shah Faesal, and the part essay by Rahul Pandita, which is good enough to write a review. First, this book is expensive even after a discount. These kinds of opinions are available in blogs and magazines for free. I wonder what value addition the caption ‘Left, Right & Center’ brings to the readers. Shah Faesal, who is a civil servant, actually has no business expressing his views in public. First thing I want to know is has he taken permission from the government while publishing his views in this book? And if he has taken the permission, then which minister or bureaucrat gave him the permission in the early years of his service when he hardly knows anything about the Kashmir problem? Anyways, his essay is a confused potpourri of immature thoughts, which hardly link to each other. Overall, the essay doesn’t leave any concrete message. Morever, it is too long winded to decipher anything sensible out of it. Nidhi Razdan has written an introduction for the book, which in itself is an essay. Well…she is also from Kashmir, so Kashmir gets lots of space in her essay as well. She has tried to define Kashmiriyat as some kind of secular tradition in which Muslims and Hindus intermingle. I will take it with a pinch of salt because Rahul Pandita in his earlier book has written about ingrained rivalry between Muslim and Hindu kids reflected best in Cricket matches. Anyways, I think Kashmiriyat has more to do with humanity than religion. To be very frank, I doubt if Nidhi Razdan is qualified enough to speak on such intellectually stressing topics. Thereafter, she has pretty lightly linked Kashmir conflict to Ultra-Nationalism of Indians. I am an #AntiNationalHumanist, so nobody can hate Ultra-Nationalism more than me, but you can’t start drawing links where none exist – what does Supreme Court taking cognizance of Sardar Jokes has to do with Kashmir conflict? Rest is regular: Pathankot, Gurmehar Kaur, JNU, Trolls, and even Tanmay Bhatt (LOL). This book seems to be a serious fraud. In my last review, which has been taken off, I had given benefit of doubt to the book by putting a condition for purchasing this book, which was that either of the authors, the editor or the publisher should tweet at least 300 engrossing quotes from the book to assure about the quality of the book. If they do it even now, I will buy the book and read other authors, esp people like Aruna Roy, Sunita Narayan, etc. – though I am surprised they have associated with this book. Last but not the least, you don’t delete reviews just because the publisher or the editor asks for it. Google has fallen way down in my eyes today. I wonder if they will publish this review. Anyways, I am saving the copy of this review. If it is not published here, it will be published on my blog. Also, I am giving notice of this review to Nidhi Razdan, Shah Faesal, and Penguin on Twitter before publishing it. At present, I am going with a 2 star rating for the book.” P.S. In the line “I doubt if Nidhi Razdan is qualified enough to speak on such intellectually stressing topics”, my reference is not to educational qualification or IQ of Nidhi Razdan. My reference is rather to her elite upbringing. In her essay, she had defined 'Kashmiriyat’ by way of exemplification through her childhood memories. Had she defined it in abstract terms with or without quoting other thinkers, I wouldn’t have made this comment. However, at the same time, I do believe philosophy is not the exclusive domain of dreamers and thinkers as elaborated in the introduction to my book Light: Philosophy. Comment Dt. 26.07.2017 Today I had some free time so I re-read the two essays, wherafter I am upgrading the rating to 3 stars for the following reasons: The essay by Shah Faesal though not leaving any concrete message is nevertheless a good reading. The comparisons of dogs to militants and soldiers, both despised yet useful, and that of cat to conflict, which sneaks in before you know it, are pretty interesting. Had Shah Faesal concentrated on these two thoughts and build around them to reach a solution, it would have been better. I think he wasted too much of his ink in describing his own celebration and the people’s cynicism surrounding it. It has not added any value to the essay. Generalisations drawn from his own case study are far-fetched. However, since it is an interesting read, it qualifies on the second reading. I have found journalists’ appearance on TV entirely different from that in print. While they may seem completely frivolous as anchors, they do pretty well as researchers. Sunetra Chaudhury, Sagarika Ghosh, Rajdeep Sardesai, Barkha Dutt, are some names I have discovered favourably as authors. I was expecting something similar from Nidhi Razdan. So, probably my standards were high. However, she gets benefit of doubt because technically speaking this is not her book as an author per se. It seems she has produced this book more as a franchisee owner. Nidhi Razdan’s thoughts on nationalism find deep resonance with me because I am an #AntiNationalHumanist, but her linking it with Kashmir conflict, almost frivously as if in an anchor driven TV show, put me off. I think she also over-extended her narrative. Though “Sardar Jokes” was just a single line, it was nevertheless very distracting – there was no scope whatsoever at all for “Sardar Jokes” in the theme of her essay; if she wanted to present it as a side-thought, it should have been separated from the main narrative through appropriate separators, brackets or whatever. Rabindra Nath Tagore is an excellent anchor on any discussion on ultra-nationalism, but unlike Nidhi Razdan, he would not flirt with army tanks, Kashmir conflict, Twitter trolls, Tanmay Bhatt, Gurmehar Kaur, all at the same time swinging in all possible directions – btw, she follows Narendra Modi on Twitter amongst other things. But since it is a boldly written essay on a topic close to my heart, it qualifies too. Click to Post