#anyway my loser children
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macksartblock · 2 years ago
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ei8ht.
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deltadescent · 6 months ago
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OKAY I have finally found a way to upload all of this comic without having to deal with tumblr app bs!!!
Ededaze and Rotisserie my beloved... (They are queerplatonic partners!!!)
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soft-serve-soymilk · 3 months ago
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ah yes characters pulled by the oppositional feelings of wanting to be loved and also inherently believing that they are unworthy of it ✨
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smartichokes · 10 months ago
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THEY USED THE LIVING TOMBSTONE SONG FOR THE CREDITS HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AUTOMATIC 5 STARS
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keravnos-kori · 1 year ago
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happy thanksgiving my fellow americans i hope your bigoted relatives perish in eternal hellfire
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idunnodudeijustwokeup · 28 days ago
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Adding my own tags bc honestly that was like half the post
I want a buddy cop style comic, but it is just Dick and Donna trying to keep their younger siblings and teammates out of trouble while trying to figure out which Wonder Twin Roy, Wally, Kori and Garth is in love with.
Every couple of issues are focused on a different group of siblings, teammates and potential core titans love interest, but every time you think one of the wonder twins are about to get the girl/guy they get blue balled by having to go save someone else. The other twin is laughing at them from the other side of the room while starting up the Zeta-beam.
They save the world like 5 different times and save thousands of lives but their banter the entire time is just them making fun of each other and their crushes.
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mbrainspaz · 1 year ago
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wrote a post but deleted it because it got too real. tl;dr had a dream that really messed me up all day. There was an apocalypse which is pretty normal for my dreams but then my dad showed up to help out. Had to wake up and remember none of it was real.
youtube
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they-call-me-hippie · 2 years ago
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I don't know about you, but if someone insinuated I am sheltered for not wanting to drink alcohol as a child or that it's normal cultural practice to illegally offer alcohol to your underage children I'd kill them. I'd just murder you! Deserved!
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luvyeni · 5 months ago
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SECURITY CAMERA ,, 한지성
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pairings ‎⸝⸝⸝ perv!jisung x fem!reader wc. 2.1k+
genre. smut
𓄷 includes ... sub jisung, perversions, unprotected sex, oral ( m. receiving ), public sex , overstimulation, idk man jisung is weird , but like so is reader.
request. han jisung smut🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
「 authors note 𖹭 」 not my favorite but i hope you like it.
❪ masterlist! ❫
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jisung hated his job as the cashier at the cafe; he didn't like how he had to interact with people all day; the teenagers who order drinks that took 10 minutes to make, the older people complaining to him about princes he has no control in , the small children who don't need coffee in the first place — he hated it, but someone needed to pay his bills.
that was until you walked into the cafe a few months ago , looking for a job which you got; and his life from then on his shifts got ten times better — not only did he get a promotion to manager , which not only gave him a good pay raise , but he got to move to the back where he no longer had to interact with the outside population.
not only that , but you also made his shifts much better, he liked to watch you through the screen, and the way you interacted so sweetly with the customers, even the horrid ones. not to mention you were always so nice to him , even when you were having a bad day, you still would come to the back and have a conversation with him before returning back to the front , where he would watch you some more — and some days if he was lucky, he'd get a peek of your panties when you would bend over to get a cup or to pick up dropped change on the floor.
he still remembered the last time he jerked off in that back room; watching you, he felt so disgusting afterwards , you weren't even doing anything, it was late at night and you were cleaning up the cafe with a coworker and he was going over the books in the back , he so happened to look at the camera , it was a warm day and you wearing a tank top, one that showed off your boobs and a mini skirt that was too short , he could've dress coded you but he didn't get paid enough and he didn't want you to see him as a loser — but if you caught him doing he did you'd probably think he was anyway.
you were just so pretty and he was thinking with his cock; and before he knew it he was palming himself , cumming in his pants , heavily breathing as the post nut clarity hit him. he quickly locked up the back , wishing you and the other worker there a good night as he ran out the door , covering himself , eyes to the ground in shame.
he couldn't look at you for a week; not only did he feel guilty, but because he wanted to do it again; and it wasn't that long until he did it again, and then again— until he no longer felt guilty about doing it , he couldn't stop himself , he needed to do it , not a shift went by where he didn't touch himself watching you through the cameras.
“i don't know, i think he's pretty weird.” your coworker said , it was a 15 minutes to closing , so you were wiping down the tables. “who?” you asked, you were never one to gossip but it was a slow night , not many people buying coffee at 9 pm and you were bored. “jisung.” your other female coworker said. “he stays back there constantly , and when he does come out it's just to grab a coffee and stare at yns boobs , it's creepy.” she said. “what , my boobs?” you questioned. “he's never looked at my boobs.” you said. “has he?”
“of course you'd like the creepy manager.” your male coworker said. “i don't think he's creepy , he's just a bit anti-social, it's quite cute.” you smiled , your friends rolled their eyes. “leave him alone , he's nothing but kind to everyone , he lets you come in even though you obviously haven't passed a drug alcohol test since even before you were the legal age , and you; he spends 30 extra minutes each week to put in your hours because you're too lazy to do it yourself , he even puts in hours that you're late just so you won't take a pay cut.” you defended the boy.
“look at you defending him , what you got a little crush on him?” you scoffed , rolling your eyes. “i don't have to like him to know he's not a bad person , or a creep.” you said , walking away to finish cleaning the tables.
“we're leaving , are you coming or are you gonna wait for your boyfriend?” they stopped as they walked out the door. “shut up.” you rolled your eyes. “i guess that means she's waiting , let's go.” they exited the store , you walked over locking the door.
you began to count the money from the counter , humming the music that was playing from the speakers — then you heard it , your name coming from the back. “huh?” you turned down the speaker , thinking you misheard , but you heard it again , this time much louder. you put the money down , following the noise; until you got to the manager's office. “y-yn.”
you put your ear to the door; he wasn't just saying your name, he was moaning your name. “jisung?” you pushed the door open , your eyes widened at the scene. “yn.” his eyes widened at the shock as you watched the boy desperately try to pull his pants up. “what are you doing?” you asked ,even though you knew what he was doing , you literally caught him with his cock in his hand , you looked at the computer then back to him. “were you watching me while doing that?”
his first thought was to beg for your forgiveness , and that's what he did. “y-yn i'm so sorry , i didn't mean to — you didn't mean to jerk off while watching me , what? wipe tables.” you interrupted , the boy lowered his head. “you felt comfortable doing this , have you done this before?” he didn't say anything but it answered your question. “you have.” you said. “im sorry.”
“that's all you have to say? im sorry.” you scoffed. “i defended you when they called you a creep , turns out you are one.” he felt a pit in his stomach , he felt guilty , he really did , but he was also still really fucking hard. “sh-shit.” he cursed , feeling his cock twitching in unbuttoned slacks. “i really should report you for this.” his eyes widened. “calm down i won't turn you in perv.” you closed the door , behind you.
“i-m not a pervert.” you scoffed. “really? normal people don't jerk off to their coworkers.” he kept his head low even as you approached him. “how long have you been doing this?” he shrugged. “ a-a few weeks after you came,” he admitted. “so instead of asking me out with the chance of maybe fucking me , you watch me through the camera while jerking off?” you smirked. “i would've fucked you, all you had to do was ask.”
you put your hands on the arms of the chair , caging him in , your boobs right in front of his face. “see you can't even look at me now, but you can see my tits can't you , guess they were right about you constantly staring at them.” he bit his lip. “touch them.” he finally looked at you. “wh-what?” he stuttered. “do it.” he brought his hands up to your boobs , squeezing them , you bit your lip containing a moan. “feel good?” he shook his head. “s-soft.”
you stood up , lifting you shirt over your head. “pulling your pants down.” he was frozen. “do it now or i'll call HR on your ass.” he quickly got up , his pants falling to his ankles. “sit.” he obeyed , you got down on your knees , your face directly in front of his cock. “wh-what are you doing?” he asked , not like he wanted to stop you. “doing what you obviously wanted me to do.”
you pulled his cock from his underwear, it stood tall in front of your face , his tip a purplish red from his previous endeavors, leaking with pre cum. “look at you , so hard i guess you didn't get to cum.” you kissed his tip. “no fuck.” he sighed. “d-didn’t get the chance.” he moaned as your mouth closed around his length , slowly making your way down his shaft. “oh fuck your mouth feels so good.”
he felt like he was dreaming; you were supposed to hate him , you were supposed to think he was gross — but here you were gagging on his cock in the same room you caught him in. “oh fuck im cum.” he moaned , gripping the arms of the chair. “pl-please let me cum.”
he whined as you pulled away. “why should i?” you stroked his member , slowly teasing him , he couldn't cum like this. “didn't you cum enough by perving on me for the past few months?” he whimpered. “pl-please let me cum.” he begged. “please i-i’m sorry.” you sped up your movements , he moaned loudly. “you wanna cum? cum all over my tits , since you like them so much?” he nodded. “pl-please I'm gonna cum.” his brain was fuzzy. “fuck im cumming!”
he let out a loud moan as he came , covering your upper body in his seed , as you kept going. “fu-fuck , i came.” he moaned , but you didn't stop. “yn fuck I came.” he let out a huff of air as you let him go. “you came so much.” you brought your fingers with his cum on it to your mouth. “you taste good too.” he groaned , his cock twitching once again. “i want you to fuck me.” you stood up , pulling your panties down your legs , leaving your skirt on. “if you get to use me only fair if I use you?”
you climbed into his lap , his cock now hard again standing tall. “pl-please use me.” you cursed as you lowered yourself on his cock. “fu-fuck.” you sat down on him. “yo-you feel good.” he moaned. “so-so tight.” you began to move your hips , holding his shoulders. “y-yn please go faster.” he moaned. “pl-please.”
“fuck you want me to use you?” you began to bounce on his cock. “treat you like a toy?” he nodded dumbly, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. “fuck use me , please use me.” you scoffed. “fucking perv , i bet you thought about this everytime you jerked off back here.” he moaned. “you did , think about me fucking you like this?”
jisung was going crazy; his head was spinning as you were milking him for everything he had. “you're gonna cum?” you pulled him from his daze , there were tears wielding in his eyes from pleasure. “cum for me.” you kissed behind his ear. “be a good boy and cum for me.” that set him off and he came , he threw his head back slamming his hand on the desk next to him as you continued to bounce on his cock.
“y-yn.” he moaned. “yn please i can't cum again.” he was spent, you grabbed his chubby tear stained cheeks. “you can , cum for me again.” he let out a whimper like moan as he came for the third time. “sh-shit i can't go again.” he said. “fuck im gonna cum.” you cursed , as you came , you kissed his needy lips , he chased your lips as you pulled away , making you smile. “cute.”
“well i still thinks he's a little weird.” your coworker said. “regardless if he did ask you out on a date.” you rolled your eyes. “what does he even do back there all day?” you smirked to yourself , before turning back to your coworkers with a serious face. “he does his job , now leave him alone and get back to work.” you ordered , and they shrugged going back to what they were supposed to be doing— you turned around right at the camera , winking.
yeah he was a pervert , but he was your pervert.
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©LUVYENI
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justaz · 2 months ago
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merthur marriage of convenience. arthur is complaining that his council is on his ass about marrying and siring an heir and they keep trying to arrange marriages but arthur doesn't fucking want any of them. merlin knows that arthur would like to marry someone he loves but he also knows that arthur has shown no interest in like anyone except when he was enchanted so like...who tf is he gonna marry? he needs to marry someone to get the council off his ass so he's just like "why not marry a friend? ik it wouldn't be a marriage of love but at least you'd have some control and choice in this." and arthur is like "hm. but who tho?"
anyways they make a list of everyone they know who can bear children (bc arthur will need an heir eventually). then they narrow it down, crossing off names like gwen bc she is happily married to lancelot and in a loving relationship with morgana (she has two hands and i love morgwencelot) and morgana (she's literally arthur's sister but they were just putting every name they could think of down first) and elyan (he may be able to bear children but they know he wouldn't be happy going through it bc of medieval dysphoria). eventually it's down to two names, mithian and merlin and arthur looks at merlin's name then up at him and is like "you're literally a trained physician so you should know this but you were literally born a man...how tf are you gonna bear children?" and my beloved genderfluid magic incarnate emrys just shifts her form to female and is like "don't be an idiot. anyways, mithian or me?"
dumb idiot whipped and in love arthur is like "you" and dumb idiot whipped and in love merlin is like "bet". anyways they marry but they're very insistent it's just as friends. lol they have to consummate the marriage the losers. they insist they did that as friends too. the entire round table has way too much fun with this. anyways they remain married "as friends" as they slowly morph into a very loving and touchy relationship "as friends" until they're like casually kissing as greetings and farewells and have that moment of "oh shit we're like actually married and in love" bc they're stupid dumb idiots.
anyways they unite albion and are recognized as high king arthur and high queen merlin and finally have an heir - the high prince/princess whatever you prefer. uhhhh anyways merthur happy ending bc i'm a sucker for it.
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pasta-in-the-pudding · 6 months ago
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This just popped up in my mind and I just wnated you to picture this
So imagine a teen kid coming to the slendermanor and obviously they're a teen so everyone expects them to be loud and trouble in general because teens are teens at the end of the day. Just to find out that the teen is actually very mature because they were forced into a situation where they had to be mature at a young age and they're just quiet(but also have mad good murder tactics). Like i just imagine jeff trying to scare the child for shits and giggles and they just stare at him like 🙂
Summary: Quiet teen reader gets into shenanigans in the manor
Genre: Fluff
Warnings: None
A/n: The battle between Jeff and children is an age old war that I don't see ending anytime soon. ALSO SIDE NOTE, I'm probably gonna be changing up my format for writing majorly soon because im tired of looking at it lolz
Credits: Any Creepypasta characters used- Creepypasta, Divider- saradika-graphics, Picture- Pinterest
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Creeps x mature!teen!reader
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Generally when kids are brought into the manor, everyone's vibe is "Aw man that's really sad :(" even if they are a teen
Of course, once they get over the sadness, the anxiety starts peeking through
Like not even just teens, all kids are rowdy and annoying so no one really wants to deal with that
So when you get there and you're chill they're like "oh thank god"
No one likes rowdy kids
However, even that can have its hinderances
Like, it's definetly nothing as bad as you being crazy around the manor, but more so just concerning habits
For example, Brian can never do his job as a caretaker, because he'll be coming down the stairs only to see that all of his assigned kids are already out of bed
And when he finally finds them, they are watching T.V
He will ask "Are you guys ready for breakfast?" and they will reply "No thanks, y/n fed us!"
Or E.J, who as we know can't stand dirty things or unhygienic things, will be so confused when that pile of trash he commented on is suddenly gone only a few minutes later
Or his fridge will magically be cleaned out right when he was about to go and do it
Toby will be wondering where on earth his favorite hoodie and hatches went, only to find you out back sharpening and cleaning them, and his hoodie in the washer
Everyone is grateful for your help and all, but it's a little strange?
Like why do you feel the need to do these things? Do you just like helping out or do you feel you need to?
Then there's Ben and Jeff
No fucks given
So what if you're like 13? Jeff was being lit on fire at that age, grow tf up ����
Anyways, they both get a kick out of scaring kids
Jeff more than Ben, but it's a fun little friendship activity they do together <333
So when you are exploring the manor one day, suddenly Jeff bumps into you, being waaay nicer than usual
"Hey, y/n! I was just looking for you!"
"Oh, Hello Jeff. Did you need something?"
He'll grin real big and hold your shoulders "Yeah, I just need to test something real quick, so don't move. Just stay exactly like this, kay?"
You nod and do as told, but Jeff doesn't move either, he just stands still, still holding onto your shoulders and staring into your eyes
You then feel a chill go up your spine, and all of a sudden a horrifying warped face that looks as if it was straight out of an analog horror jumps right in front of you
You do jump a little, but other than that, there's no reaction
Jeff immediately drops the act and lets go of you "Ugh, really? Whatever loser, I'll go find someone else to scare"
And with that, he stomps off, but Ben stays for a little bit, his face still contorted into that scary one
He wiggles his fingers and makes an "Oooooo" sound before also walking off behind Jeff
They lose interest in you very quickly after realizing you won't give them a satisfactory reaction
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thebrainrotsreal · 8 months ago
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Never looking at hands ever again, ugh, fingers should all explode. ANYWAYS: GET REDEEMED LOSER AU! @avisisisis keeps having epic, amazing ideas for my au, SO I FINALLY KNEW WHAT TO DRAW! Basic run down of the AU is this: Evil Mark (Wasp) trying to make Mark worse, while Mark tries making Wasp better. They both think that the other is the weakest version of themselves. They hate each other, they hate themselves, and cain instinct is set on truly homicidal levels of hostility. Everyone looks on in horror, confusion, plenty of concern, and slight, fleeting understanding.
EDIT, bonus song theme because I can: I am drowning. There is no sign of land. You are coming down with me. Hand in unlovable hand. And I hope you die. I hope we both die. (No Children by The Mountain Goats)
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puma-riki · 2 months ago
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No One Noticed...
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Synopsis: You've never seemed to make friends well. Sure, you had people you knew and were well acquainted with, but no one ever seemed to get closer to you or want to. You think that no one notices you and you'll continue the rest of your college years alone like all the years before. Except Ni-ki notices just about everything you do.
Pairing: Nishimura Riki x Fem! Reader
Genre: Fluff, Humor (or attempts at), slight angst, smau + written parts, idiots to lovers, university au
Warnings: consistent cursing, kms/kys jokes [Subject to change every chapter]
Characters: Enhypen (all), Eunchae (lesserafim),Keeho, Soul, (P1Harmony)
Status: Ongoing (Start: 092124)
Taglist: @bee-the-loser @iaintseggsy @channieismylove @yangjungwonnie @luluvhs @nikiswifiee @kingofthekards @skepvids @sammie217 @sh0dor1 @sirens-dreams @starfallia @polarisjisung @minhosimthings @mochiwonz @jiiyen @strawberrieswithchocolateo3o @ritzy-dream-boy @roseangelxfuma @sugarikiz @stvrriki @eczlipse @ddolleri @dangerousgardenchild @roarr-ki @rikidaze @rinoosformstellation @domfikeluva @b0os-jellfyfish @wensurr @melancholy-z @brinethebean @sol3chu @luvjichang @aerijns @bananna-12 @jungwonsjellies @sumzysworld @right-person-wrong-time @rikikiynikilcykiki
Comment on any chapter from No One Noticed... saying you want to be added to the taglist!! or send me an ask !! | bold could not be tagged :c
Do Not Pay Attention To Timestamps!! | Images Used Are Meant To Be Used As References
------------------------------------------------------------
Profiles | [Gooners] [Children + Keeho]
01. Quick!! what's a characteristic of water!!
02. I STILL GOT THEM DIGITSS😋😋
03. Existential dread + written
04. HAPPY WEDNESDAY GUYS‼️‼️ + written
05. INCOMING RANT‼️‼️🗣🗣
06. THE VOICES
07. chat does she want me yes or no⁉️🙏
08. OPERATION RIKI[NAME]/P
09. No One Tried, No One But You + written (wc:5.7k)
10. The bum line
11. IM THE BEST ACTUALLY
12. I wasn't cut out for being a boy dad anyway
13. Feeling a disturbance in the force rn
14. I WANT MY DUO.
15. ...SURELY NOT
16. 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚… + written (wc:2.9k)
↳ Bonus : riki[name] out???
17. mama a wisp of essence behind you
18. May a man like Nishimura Riki find me in this life
19. LVL 10 BADDIE AT REGISTER
20. my coworker be losing her mind
21. eunchae my newest opp
22. banned for getting eaten up on the tl
23.
24.
25.
+ more coming soon...!
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rene-spade · 9 months ago
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Ok but how are the crazy f1 dads with their daughters dating? Who on the grid do they like?
oof this is a loaded ask bc they really are all out of it 😭 they just love their babies fr
♤ ♤ ♤
dad! kimi | growing up räikkönen!
FIRST OF ALL kimi doesn’t really vibe with most people in general, let alone anyone who’s trying to get with his little lumienkeli. kimi was lucky to raise a little girl similar to him, who listens when he places a no dating rule lasting until she’s 21 (as far as he knows anyways). despises the guys on the grid trying to get with her; he was one of them once so he thinks of them as animals, especially leclerc who’s known for his brow-raising dating life. also hates pierre but he already didn’t fw him bc he’s french. he is SLIGHTLY more easy going with women around his daughter so any grid guys with girlfriends might have an advantage. he finds that he wants the im-a-dog-and-ill-do-whatever-my-girl-says type for his daughter, but he dislikes unintelligence. he does not like anyone on the grid, but he best tolerates:
mick schumacher!
oscar piastri (+lily)
he vibes with kika okay but hates pierre 💀
bonus! he actually really likes max but his hate/distrust for jos overpowers that so he’s not letting that happen
♤ ♤ ♤
dad! jenson | growing up button!
OK SO JENSON is a bit less intense than kimi, however he is much more publicly affectionate with his daughter which means that he has definitely gone on public rants about how no man is good wen enough for his baby. that being said, he is a decent judge of character so he doesn’t hate anyone on the grid. but he gets real serious when he notices people hitting on his baby. this is mostly bc he was def a whore when he was younger so he isn’t quick to trust guys who are living the same lifestyle he was. he kind of turns on dad-mode when he notices anyone eyeing her up. but alas, he raised his own mini-me, who attracts just about everyone, and who likes to flirt back. it takes warming up to, but he can see himself fine with most of the drivers. he most prefers people who are friendly and who didn’t act like him when he was in f1 like:
george russel
daniel ricciardo
lando norris
♤ ♤ ♤
dad! fernando | growing up alonso!
NANDO IS DEFINITELY one of those guys who thinks he’s a “cool dad” bc he’s a young father and his daughter is his best friend. but in reality he’s one of those intense, fiercely overprotective dads who have impossibly high expectations for his daughters partner. 100% the type to punch a mechanic for saying gross things about his princesa. he’ll be calm and in a good mood then someone on the grid (or any man ever) mentions his daughter and he’s like 😐. UNLESS! it’s carlos. carlos is the only one who meets his standards, sorry to literally everyone else. but even with carlos, he can be a little stern just to get his point across about not messing with his only child. he just feels the need to personally approve of his daughter’s partner bc he’s hyper-paranoid about someone hurting her. his list looks something like:
carlos sainz!!!
that’s it
i mean if you put a gun to his head maybe max bc he’s a winner but he needs to learn to speak spanish so-
♤ ♤ ♤
dad! jos | growing up verstappen! unfortunately
FUCK JOS VERSTAPPEN obviously, however this man is one crazy dad who we have to discuss. his love for his youngest daughter is wild and unpredictable, and it’s very different from the way he treats his other children. his baby has some extreme one-sided beef with him that he’s smart enough to know about, so he isn’t too forceful about bonding, it’s definitely more desperate since max found success in f1 and she sticks with her big brother now. her entire life, he’s never allowed her to date, and when he found out about her first secret bf, he got arrested for trying to kill the kid so. he has IMPOSSIBLY high standards for his daughters partner and definitely wants her to marry within the f1 community, but he hates losers and despises half the grid.
suddenly he’s charles leclerc’s biggest fan !
lewis hamilton but he’ll never admit it
MAYBE carlos sainz
bonus! max obvi likes daniel ricciardo best but jos doesn’t fw him like that
♤ ♤ ♤
Ren
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fallstaticexit · 3 months ago
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Prev / Next / Beginning / Pillowfort
AN: Just so no one is confused, I turned Summer Holiday into an official Landgraab. I needed another legendary blonde to play as Nancy’s yapping bougie cousin (her father’s niece) and she was casted immediately.
Transcript under the cut
Malcolm: [wails]
Geoffrey: [grumbles] I got ‘em.
Nancy: [yawns] I’ll get him. Need to feed him.
Geoffrey: [murmurs] Won’t fight you for it, dear.
Nancy: [snorts] Oh, I bet.
Nancy Narrates: [Malcolm was the polar opposite of Jonathan in every way. He cried relentlessly through the night. He could never keep anything down. His tiny body always wound so tightly]
Nancy: Ok, Malcolm. What would it take to for you to allow me one full night of sleep? That’s all I ask.
Malcolm: [grunts, hiccups]
Nancy: [softly] Oh, come on. What could possibly be so bad that you must cry like this?
Nancy Narrates: [Most nights, I cried with him, fearing he inherited my melancholy]
Malcolm: [whimpers softly]
Nancy: [sniffs] There. See? Calm. Easy. I know that’s asking alot, coming from me. We’ll get through this, together-
Jonathan: Mommy wahhh!
Malcolm: [cries]
Nancy: [sighs]
Nancy Narrates: [There was no time for tears, when they needed me to be stronger than that]
-
Malcolm: [babbles]
Nancy: [gasps] Are you happy? Are you smiling at me?
Malcolm: [coos]
Nancy Narrates: [As I learned more about Malcolm, I began to notice just how alike we were. The same curious and thoughtful nature that was in his eyes was in mine too ]
Nancy: You’re so beautiful. Geoffrey, look! Malcolm is smiling!
Geoffrey: Of course he is! He loves looking at you. See, Nance? Things just take time. You’re doing great.
-
Nancy Narrates: [And as I learned more about my sons, I was beginning to feel like I could be a mother they deserved]
Malcolm: [coos]
Jonathan: Hi Mommy!
-
Summer: It’s so good to see you, cousin! You’ve been such a shut-in lately! And wow, you look amazing for having had two kids. Although... If you ever want a referral to my guy down in Del Sol Valley, he does wonders. You’d never believe I had a cesarean.
Nancy: Thank you, but I want to avoid going under the knife. I know that’s all the rave now.
Summer: Good for you, hon! Wow, he sure has a set of lungs on him!
Nancy: [sheepishly] He prefers me to hold him, it’s why I haven’t hired a nanny for the boys yet.
Summer: Not many women in your position take such attentive care of their children as you do, cuz. It’s admirable. I think you’re doing a wonderful job.
Nancy: You really think so?
Summer: Oh, of course! Look at me, for example. I’m the definition of a great mother. I raise my boys to be model citizens while my husband runs his own law firm.
Summer: If there was anyone that understands the sacrifices of being a mother, it’s me, Nancy. Landgraab women are built for it, believe it or not.
Nancy: I suppose that’s hard to believe at times considering my mother-
Summer: Oh. Well, Aunt Queenie isn’t a true Landgraab now, is she? She probably wishes she were you, Nancy.
Nancy: What?
Summer: You can’t compare a common woman who married into wealth to born royalty, cuz. Just saying.
Collin: Mom! Taylor pushed me in the mud!!
Taylor: I did not! He FELL!
Collin: No, you pushed me, dickhead!
Taylor: You’re the dickhead, loser!
Collin: SHUT THE HELL UP!
Summer: Ugh! The both of you, zip it! Maria! Maria!! The twins, por favor!
Summer: Summer: My god, I have to do everything! Nance, trust me, motherhood is a thankless job. It really is. My boys would be lost without me, you hear me? Yours are so lucky to have you. Nancy?
Nancy: [inhales sharply]
Nancy Narrates: [Don’t. Please don’t. I’ve worked so hard-]
Summer: [snaps fingers] Hello? Please clean this filthy child, Maria! Rápido! Anyway, what were we talking about?
-
[giggling]
Geoffrey: Then, the big dinosaur came and gobbled up all the little dinosaurs with his big, nasty dinosaurs teeth! Chomp chomp chomp!
Malcolm: [squeals]
Jonathan: He eat all of them, daddy?!
Geoffrey: Every. Single. Last. One!
Geoffrey: But then, the even bigger dinosaur came and ate him!
Malcolm: [gasps]
Jonathan: And then I eat him, Malcolm!
Malcolm: [giggles] Me too!
Geoffrey: Hey, save some dinosaurs for daddy!
Malcolm: Mama! Mama!
Jonathan: Hi Mommy! [whispers] Mommy can eat dinosaurs too, right? Even though she’s a girl?
Geoffrey: Everyone can eat them, especially mommies. [laughs] Hey, Nance. Rough night, huh? Come to bed. I’ll read another story.
Jonathan & Malcolm: YAY!
Nancy: What will you read us?
Geoffrey: How about I tell the story of the handsome king and his beautiful queen and their two silly, little princes?
Nancy: Does this story have a happy ending?
Geoffrey: [grins] It sure does.
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mediumgayitalian · 9 months ago
Text
Nico is going to be smote by Hermes.
As he trudges through the muddy lake water, seething, he weighs each elaborated murder he has planned for each member of Cabin Eleven against how harshly Hermes will punish him for it. Connor will be flayed alive. Travis will be cooked over an open flame. Julia will be strapped to a rocket and blasted into the sun. Alice will face death by a thousand paper cuts.
And Cecil.
Fucking Cecil.
Cecil Markowitz will face a death so tortuous and harrowing that the constraints of the crime cannot be adequately covered in any mortal tongue. Crucified is too light a term. Nico is going to kill him in a way that is unspeakable — to hell with Hermes and his wrath. Nico is going to smite his dumbass children himself, and it will be worth it.
His boyfriend waits for him, lips pressed together and eyes trained to the sky, on the dock, holding several towels.
“Say nothing,” Nico hisses, slamming his sword on the wood and dragging himself up after it.
“Wasn’t going to,” Will lies. He immediately begins to cough, face turning slightly red. “Well, if I were to say anything —”
“William,” Nico warns.
“I just mean to say,” he soldiers on, setting all but one of the towels down, “that you look —”
He cuts himself off with a quickly smothered giggle.
“I swear to all that is fucking holy, Son of Phoebus.”
He lets Will maneuver him about, towel turning almost black with all the mud it’s absorbing off Nico’s clothes. He has to move on to another towel once he’s finished just Nico’s arm, dripping the soaked towel with a wet plop.
“It’s not that bad.”
Nico stares at him, deadpan. In fact he has to swipe pond scum out of his eyes and hair to glare properly.
“I am the fucking Creature of the Black Lagoon, Solace.”
Will bites his lip, hard. A burst of laughter escapes anyway, heedless of his desperate attempt to smother it, and the worst part is that it’s gorgeous and it makes his eyes light up and his stupid face looks stupid divine, when he’s giggly about something, and it makes Nico want to crush him a little. In the facial region, with his own face.
Except his own face is covered in stinky lake mud.
And Will is laughing.
Hard.
“I mean,” he manages around giggles, holding up a new towel to dab at Nico’s face, “it brings out your eyes, honestly.”
Nico closes his eyes. He lets that sit for a moment. He exhales for ten solid seconds.
“William Andrew.”
“It does! I mean, it’s really the perfect shade —”
“Romance is actually, genuinely dead.”
“— makes them look very deep, actually —”
“I should’ve listened to Demeter and married a doctor.”
“— and lake mud has so many uses! Most of the microbes on you are excellent for the skin. Who wouldn’t want to be compared to lake mud?”
“Oh wait! That is useless advice.”
“And you didn’t even pick up any leeches! Just all this dark, beautiful lake mud, as brown and beautiful as your eyes —”
“I’m returning you to whatever lab you were created in. Obviously you’re defective and I want a new model.”
“— in fact I’ll write a haiku about it.” He clears his throat. “My boyfriend is so hot —”
“Enough,” Nico interrupts, slapping his semi-clean hand over Will’s motormouth before things get any worse. Unfortunately the mud still caked into the lines of his skin contrasts beautifully with Will’s sparkling eyes, making them even bluer somehow. That’s a felony. “Also, that’s six syllables, dumbass.”
“I’ll revise,” he shoots back, muffled.
“If you promise not to, I’ll move my hand.”
Will presses a kiss to his palm because he’s a sappy loser who knows exactly what he does for Nico’s heart problems, based on the wiggle of his stupid perfect eyebrows.
“Deal.”
Nico removes his hand slowly. He lifts it back up when Will opens his mouth, threatening, but luckily he changes course before Nico has to make good on the threat, leaning down to kiss Nico softly, properly.
“I’m crucifying your best friend,” he mumbles against his lips. “That is step one of a ten step torture process.”
“‘Kay.”
“His siblings, too.”
“Sounds good.”
“Hermes might grind me to dust, after.”
“Trying really, really hard to focus on something right now, babe.”
“Right,” Nico breathes. There is still mud drying onto him and it is the Worst, actually, and he still has several homicides to play out, but.
But.
He can spend a little time kissing his boyfriend first.
(As long as that will keep him from spouting any more damn haikus.)
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