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ushiwakaout · 4 years ago

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WARNINGS: age gap, student x teacher (platonic then romantic) SPOILERS FOR MANGA CHAPTERS 280+

probably really bad spelling

Ok bitches, it’s midnight and my mind is ROLLING.

This obviously has to do with bakugo. I’m a bakugo kinny so don’t @ me plz.

I really do be thinking that he’d fall in love with his teacher. But like let me explain.

You’re one of his teachers but you aren’t a hero, 100% a vigilante bc you don’t believe in the Hero morals bc you think they are a little twisted. You’re the only teacher in UA who’s not a “real” hero, personally i think Aizawa is a vigilante bc in the beginning we see that he doesn’t like Toshinori and i think it has to do with his Hero ways.

ANYWAYS, getting out of pocket here.

After the UA festival you have a big soft spot for bakugo and midoriya (especially bkg but don’t tell deku). One day he accidentally fell asleep in class bc he’s been having nightmares and you notice. Ofc you do- he’s basically your kid smh. You don’t even bother to wake him and you threaten the ones who try, especially denki and mineta. Your quirk revolves around blood manipulation but u can make it into a physical form (i guess like elsa but w blood/ u can manipulate not just yours) So when they try to wake up bakugo you just put two scary blood creatures beside them and they threaten them for you. If class is over and he’s still asleep, deku looks a little worried but you pat his shoulders and let him know it’s okay.

not you waking him up with a blood figure bc your scared of him 😔 just a lil

he obviously wakes up startled with the blood beside him, unknown to you, it reminded him of the Sludge villain. you rush to his side and start to apologize, stroking his hair but he just slaps your hand away. He’s not used to this type of affection. “Bakugo.... Are you sleeping alright?” He obviously doesn’t crack under the first attempt and decided to leave, calling you an old hag nun the less. He’s muttering “Why should you care?” and “Mind your business old hag.” Mind you, youre only like 7 years older than he is. (Bakugo is 16, aka the oldest of the class making you 23, one of the youngest teachers too) You only stop him seconds before he’s out the door to let him know that he can talk to you when he wants to. Obviously flips u off bc he doesn’t see you like an elder like Aizawa or All Might.

The fourth time Bakugo is distracted or falls asleep, he slips up. You wake him after Iida complained to you about not waking him up, low key threaten him too- u know that he almost murdered stain 💀 shuts him right up. You stroke his hair this time, trying to be gentle and not startle him like last time. You ask if he’s okay again and that’s when he slips up, “Just nightmares n stuff...” He is NOT fully awake or conscious, so he kinda frazzled up again and we are back to our regular program of Bakugo barking in your face to mind your business. But you don’t expect him to say thank you right before he walks out the door. You’re like ????? that’s new.

It’s probably the last time bakugo falls asleep is when he starts developing a crush on you. You run your hands through his hair again and he kinda rubbed into it like a cat being pet behind the ears. Both of you are like 👁👄👁

He BOLTED. No way he had just developed a crush on his teacher. No fucking way. Try’s to distance himself from you. Doesnt sleep in you class anymore. Doesnt ask you for your help or anything. You don’t mind since it seems like he’s getting by better than he was before.

But when he gets captured by the LOV and youre at camp w aizawa as extra help and you don’t see bakugo back with the rest it’s like a piece of your heart was ripped out. ( BTW in this point in time the feelings you have for bakugo ARE NOT ROMANTIC, it’s kinda like Eri and Aizawa situation, you unintentionally took bakugo under your wing and care for him a little bit more than the rest)

You don’t sleep until you find him. You’re at the press conference and you’re blood begins to boil when they said bakugo would become a villain. You spoke over Aizawa “I can assure you that you can drop those theories and accusations of my student. Bakugo Katsuki is talented and strong willed. What you saw during the festival was a mier fragment of who he really is. He’s a good kid who wants to be the number one hero one day... he wouldn’t give that up to be a villain.”

“And how do you know this fire sure, (hero/name)”

“I know my student better than anyone.”

When you hear that Midoriya, Iida, Momo, Kirishima and Todoroki went on a rescue mission to save Bakugo- you freak out. You paced all night until All might won the battle against AFO. Shota called you in the middle of the night to let you know that Bkg was gonna be in the hospital for the night. You rushed over there and once again your blood began to boil- you overheard the converstantion with him and his mother. Her calling him weak. What kind of mother was she?

you purposely walked in, “Oh sorry... You must be the Bakugos, I’m H/N- his teacher.” Mitsuki shook your hand and so did Masaru. You guys chatted a little before they left. “Your fathers such a sweet guy... how’d he end up with your mom?” Bakugo chuckled, “Old hag basically jumped on him at work.” You two chuckled together.

A very long chat between you too happened. More on how he was feeling and how you worried about him. At this point Bakugo knew that he could confide in you... He looked down at his lap and he began to sniffle. Something you where NOT expecting. ��It’s all my fault... All might lost his power because of me... Becahse i was weak.” You heart ached for him UGH. Taking his hand in his, “Bakugo you are not weak... You’re the strongest kid I know. This isn’t your fault. If anything it’s mine... I couldn’t protect you kids fast enough... I’m sorry.” Caressing his cheeks. “It’s getting late. Get some sleep bakugo.” Youre about to let go of his hands but his grip gets tighter. “Don’t make me say it old hag.” He mutters before you chuckle a little and sit back down. You fall asleep you head on the edge of his bed, still in your chair while he finally began to drift to sleep. Your hand now in his.

When he figured out Deku’s secret he has one condition. “We tell L/N”

Deku’s like ??? “You mean H/N??? But kacchan!”

“No buts deku! We tell L/N or i tell everyone.”

“All Might! Do something!”

“I trust her”

“HA! Stupid deku!”

Bakugou’s kinda excited to tell you while y’all have tea and discuss Deku’s quirk but your sipping your tea when they tell you and your like “Oh, yeah i kinda figured that out myself... You guys are really bad at hiding a secret.” Bakugo calls the irresponsible and the rest is history 💀

Also you side intern w a 1-B student Shiozaki bc y’all have manipulation quirks and he gets mad jealous 💀💀 also hates that u intern w Vlad King and hang out w Hawks WAY TOO MUch

If he’s ever around you guys and Hawks starts flirting OH MAN bakugou with start to bark.

Hawks is the first person to notice his crush and he tells you and your like “Pft BAKUGOU?? You’re crazy!” but then you low key begin to notice small things that you didn’t before and your like oh- Oh shit.... this ain’t good

“Bakugo, have lunch with me will you?”

Denki and mineta make dirty jokes and you slap both of them w your shadows before the exit class.

You’re both mid into your bento box as you just blurt it out “Do you fancy me Kacchan?” yes u intentionally call him kacchan bc he chokes on the spici bento u made him. “Oh wow... hawks was right...”

“WHAT DID THAT BIRD BRAIN TELL YOU”

“Just told me you had a crush on me... Didnt believe him until now...” You eat a little more bento and just put it down bc ur don’t like the tension in the room. “Bakugo you know nothings going to happen between us right? You’re my student and i care about you. I obviously favor you but that’s all it’s gonna be.”

“Watch your mouth old hag. I’m 18 in two years, let’s see if i don’t come back and bite you in the ass.”

you burst out laughing and he just barks at you for laughing at him. “You will not my dear bakugo. Unless you graduate top of your class, turn 21 and make an image for yourself, then we’ll talk.”

“Mmm i promise ima gonna follow you till u love me too, L/N.”

“you’re disgusting, eat your bento.”

SPOILERS FOR MANGA CHAPTER 280 and ONGOING

You’re horribly injured. Gashes and blood spilling from your wounds as you watch Midoriya fight a battle alone with Shigaraki. Bakugo is sitting you up between his legs, making sure you don’t pass out. Your blood isn’t regenerating your wounds like it usually would. Your body has its limits and you’ve almost passed them.

But when Aizawa goes out cold, Deku claims Nanas float quirk, it’s up to you and Endevor to keep everyone safe, even if your body is screaming at you to sleep and rest.

There’s a moment when you see bakugo look at you when he sees that his child hood friends is in grave danger. “Don’t... BAKUGO!” He’s already in the air and your blood whips aren’t fast enough to move them. Shigaraki is faster and pieces through his chest and abdomen... It’s like you could feel it. “NO!!BAKUGO!!!” Everyone around you can hear the horror in your voice as you push yourself up in the air w the rest of your energy and catch him in your arms before anyone else does, but your body feels limp, luckily enough Todoroki Shoto is seconds behind you and catches the both of you safely.

At this point you can’t even tell who’s blood is on your hands. “You idiot.... Damn it ... Hey, hey you’re alright, look at me Bakugo. You can’t leave me too kid.” If it weren’t for your regeneration you’d probably be passed out the way he is right now. “We’re gonna get you to safety alright.... You gotta keep your promise... as stupid as it is.”

The second your feet step into a medical, everyone is looking at the both of you in horror. You tears a falling onto him and you just look like a tired mess. “Please take him. No- No not me, him! He needs help not me, please.” The doctors are quick and they try to help you but you keep screaming that it’s bakugo that needs help and when he’s not in your arms anymore and you see him getting the help you need that’s when your body collapses into the arms of a doctor.

Once everything is over and everyone is safe. You’re the last one out of the group who wakes up, which frightens bakugo. He’s in his room and he’s nagging you at his nurse to let him see you (your legit a curtain over) but she keeps saying that you need rest and blah blah. “Let the kid in nurse.” You croak and bakugo almost falls off his bed to get to you.

he regrets his decision. you look pissed. “You could have died.” was the first thing you tell him when you see him. “Do you know how selfish that was Bakugo? You could have died in my arms? Did you even think about that-

“My body moved in it’s own...”

*silence*

“I had to do something...”

You start tearing up, “get over here you stupid pomeranian.”

After that you watch Bakugo from afar, you give up you job in UA. You felt unworthy to have that position especially when you couldn’t save your student for the second time. Sometimes bakugo calls you and ask where you are while he’s on a grocery run. “I’m a lot closer than you think Kacchan, now get home safely, it’s getting dark.” You hang up in him and follows him back to UA, making use he’s fine.

This goes on for two year until he graduates. He’s taking pictures with his friends and aizawa gives him a box. “What is this?” he shrugs. “She just dropped it off.” He walks away leaving bakugo confused.

He opens the box and it’s a picture of you and him that Toshinori may have taken while you laughed together eating your bento. Behind the picture, there’s ink w your hand writing “give it back in 3 years” and inside there’s ring hanging on a necklace, he chuckles while reading the next note “p.s i’m not proposing. i just want something else to look forward to other than your presence”

“stupid hag.” he mutters before pulling the necklace over his head and tucking it into his graduate uniform. his hand is over the necklace and you see his smile from the top of the UA roof. When he looks up, he sees you. You smile softly and disappear when he blinks- he was afaid that would happen.

the next three years go by a lot quicker than he realizes. He’s interning under the agency you created w hawks but your no where to do seen. You’re never. in office.

and when april 20th hits, it’s the first time people see you in the office in three years and you go directly to Bakugos cubicle. You place a white box in front of him and smile “Happy birthday Dynamight.” His eyes widen when he locks eyes with you. Your hair is different, you look more like a woman than you did 5 years ago. he’s speechless and u just chuckle and roll your eyes. “My necklace, Kacchan.”

“I want my birthday present first.”

“What are you talking about, the box is your present now hand over my neck-“

“that’s not what i’m talking about.”

“the what-”

all eyes are on you two when pulls you into a kiss that he’s been holding onto for five years. “This necklace is mine now, just like you are. I promised you didn’t i?”

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teawithkpop · 5 years ago

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[M] - PhysCom - Pt 5

pt 1 - pt 2 - pt 3 - bc 1 - pt 4 - pt 5 - pt 6

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader

Rating: Mature [18+]

Length: 9.1k words

Genre: PhysCom AU - smut with dashes of angst, and a shitload of romance and complicated feelings,, uhuhu (porn with plot??)

Warnings: mentions of sexual acts, swearing, mentions of sexual abuse/manipulation, mentions of non-consensual sex - (these are both mentioned very briefly in the chapter and do not center around any of our main characters, but please be cautious if this is a sensitive topic for you!)

*meme voice* ah shit, here we go again.

thank you everyone for your patience regarding this update!! <3 I appreciate you for waiting patiently and for all your love in the meantime! I hope you enjoy ^^

-------

"Please, will you take this vacation?"

You stare at Namjoon, at the desperation written on his face as he begs you to accept his offer, and a war wages within your heart.

On the one hand, you have no good reason to believe him, not after you’d heard him and his members discussing you behind your back like they did. The key could be a fake, his little theory could be a ruse to let your guard down so you won’t put up a fight when he finally sends you packing.

On the other hand, you’ve never had reason to doubt Namjoon up until an hour ago. He seems to have always looked out for you, always appreciated your work. This could be a genuine plea for your cooperation in a bigger picture, like he claims.

But the shadow of doubt still covers you. The sound of him and his boys squabbling so carelessly, taking a vote on your future. You can’t let that memory go so easily.

“Never trust your client. They will only betray you in the end.” The words of Madame run through your mind again, as if confirming your fears.

You want to believe Namjoon. But you need to protect yourself before anything else.

You slowly break away from his grasp, taking the key and tucking it into a pocket on your belt. “Kim Namjoon...” you say, your eyes cast downwards.

He seems more relaxed now that you’ve taken his peace offering, and he tilts his head to the side, listening intently. “Yes?”

Your brain claws desperately at a strategy, at anything you could use as leverage. But all you have are words. What can you say? What protection do you have left? You’re putting yourself at his mercy.

“During my time in this house... I have learned many things about you and your members. Things I don’t think you want the public to find out about.” Lies. He knows it. You know it. The only secrets you know are their kinks, which aren’t exactly damning to their characters. Even if you did have dirt on them, who would listen to you?

You continue, though your voice sounds uncertain, even to your own ears. “If you’re lying to me about any of this, then I swear... I’ll do what I have to, and... ensure that you pay for your mistake.” You try to imbue strength and determination into your words, but your heart isn’t in it, and you’re sure he can tell. You can’t even meet his eyes. You have no fight left in you. You’re like a frightened animal that’s been backed into a corner.

Fuck. You’re just so tired of this, of everything. You’ve been through too much recently with not even a moment to catch your breath, and you’re just… exhausted. You’ve tried, you really have. You’ve done your best, you’ve gone down swinging. But you can’t do it anymore, it’s all too much...

You feel numb as Namjoon wraps you into his arms. When did he come over to your side of the table? You don’t remember, you can’t think clearly.

“It’s okay.” Namjoon’s breath is warm against your cheek. “You can rest now.”

Can he read your mind? You must look so pathetic, your body shaking as he holds you tightly, like you might float away.

But right now, you don’t care. He’s seen you at your worst already. You choke on a quiet sob and your fingers twitch, longing to reach up and hold him, to reciprocate...

“Alright, has everything been sorted?” Yeji’s arrival carries away those ideas, and Namjoon pulls away from you with a gentle pat to your shoulder.

“I believe it has,” he says, and he stands up to greet her as the two of them start to wrap up the details of your agreement. Their words turn to buzzing as the rest of the meeting passes by in a blur. You're too dazed to pay attention, too numb to feel anything but a vague sense of resignation as papers are signed, handshakes are given, and your fate is placed in his hands.

Before you know it, you’re back up in your room again. Whatever farewell that Namjoon had probably wished you as you shut the door had fallen on deaf ears. You can’t process anything more right now.

-------

The first few hours of your sentence pass by in silence, tears slowly trickling down your face as you lay on your bed. Your brain slowly works through its state of catastrophe. Dimly, you worry that you might never pick up all the pieces. Some have blown away in the recent whirlwind of disaster, some are stained, irreparable, all of them worn from being taped and glued back together, over and over again.

You feel broken.

Is this what they wanted? To break you?

You roll over onto your other side, uselessly wiping the tears from your face as fresh ones spring to your eyes to replace them.

You know, somewhere inside yourself, that you can’t just sit here and throw a pity party all week. But damn it, it’s been a while.

You just need a little time. Soon, you’ll be back on your feet, you tell yourself. You’ll bounce back, just like always. You’ve never failed before.

But what if you do? What if you fail yourself, fail the boys? Fail your family, yet again? You want to curl up and never move for the rest of your life. The craggy void of failure at your feet has you nearly paralyzed, afraid to misstep. Afraid to get that last strike and finally be sent home.

You groan. You’re so exhausted and frustrated of picking yourself apart like this. There's no point in agonizing over what ifs.

You’re here. You’ve arrived at rock bottom. Now the question is where to go?

It feels eerily calm as you sit up in bed and survey your surroundings. No noise pierces the utter stillness of your bedroom apart from your own breathing. It’s stifling.

By now, it has to have been at least a full day since you came upstairs, right? You feel like you’ve been laying on this bed for ages. You grab your ComGear to check the time, and whimper in despair.

It’s only noon. About two hours since the meeting.

After another brief bout of agony at this revelation, you take a second look at the screen and are surprised to see over a hundred notifications. You expect it to be due to the group chat, but a fair amount of them are actually from your clients. You don’t bother to open each conversation, but merely look over their previews - the most recent messages they sent you.

[ Kim Seokjin ]: please try to get some rest, alright? [ Jung Hoseok ]: I’m sorry… truly. please enjoy your time off. [ Park Jimin ]: just let me know! ^^; [ Kim Namjoon ]: Promise. [ Min Yoongi ]: you know where to find me [ Kim Taehyung ]: enjoy your vacation, jagiya~ ♡ [ Jeon Jungkook ]: are you coming down for lunch?

All of them messaged you, but it doesn’t make you feel any better. It hurts to see them pretend like everything’s fine and see if that makes it better somehow. It looks like most of them didn’t even try to apologize for what they did to you. Maybe you really aren’t that important to them after all.

Could they see through your attempts to befriend them all this time? Did all of their kindness to you mean nothing? Is that how they treat all of their employees?

You feel tears threatening again, and you wish you had a friend to talk to about all this.

Then it occurs to you that maybe… you do.

You flick over to the group chat, where you see that the other PhysComs are now talking about some webtoon and sending memes to each other. You tap on Sascha’s profile again. The same page greets you, the same blank profile picture and call button as before.

Yeji had said that the chat was real. If that's true, then the people in it must be who they claim they are, right? You do trust Yeji’s word, but you need to find out for yourself. You’ll never be able to fully accept this undercover group chat as a reliable resource until you know for sure.

Hey, if you’re suspended anyway, what’s the harm right? What are they going to do, fire you?

You bark out a sob of a laugh, and your finger hits the button before you can stop yourself. Yes, this might be a bad idea, and yes, you shouldn’t risk putting yourself out there on the hope that it’ll connect you to a friend, but you need to know the truth. You’ll feel better if you know that there’s still someone in this world that truly understands you.

It rings. And rings.

As the ominous buzzing stretches on through the silence, your worry starts to return. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. If the chat room is somehow compromised, you might have just given yourself away, someone high up in the industry could be tracking your location at this very moment from your cell signal or something, or maybe-

“Hello?” Sascha’s voice rings clear as a bell through the phone, and you almost start crying right then and there with relief.

“Sascha?” You can barely utter her name as all your memories of training together hit you like a sucker punch in your already fragile state.

“Oh! Hey, sweetie! How’s it going?” she replies in her chipper way, a smile in her tone.

“... It’s really you,” you whisper, pressing your fist to your pursed lips to keep your emotions at bay. “Sasch.”

“Of course it’s me, silly goose.” Her laugh is bright and airy, just like you remember it. “Who else would it be?”

You wait a beat, scouring your mind for a test to prove your paranoia wrong, just in case. “What… what did I give to you on our last day together?” You ask imperatively, waiting with bated breath for her answer.

It was not something either of you would easily forget, though most people probably would. It’s also the best test you can think of, as anyone else would assume such an important day would go hand in hand with a meaningful keepsake or an important gift.

“A sandwich,” she laughs. “Pastrami and mustard on rye. You shared it with me to celebrate reaching our target weight that month. Though you never let me pay you back. I would have preferred ham, you know.”

Your shoulders visibly relax. It’s Sascha, all right. Compliments and complaints in the same breath. It’s as if hearing her voice, hearing the confirmation that it’s really her, turns on a faucet inside you that had long since dried up.

“Sascha… so much has happened.”

You didn’t fully realize how lonely and isolated you’ve been until this very moment, now that you have some true company. Your story comes spilling out, every sordid detail, and Sascha listens attentively to what you have to say, just like she used to during your training days.

“So, now I’m in my room, and… I don’t even know how I’m going to get through today, let alone a whole week,” you confess, hugging your stuffed rabbit to your chest.

“Let me get this straight.” A while into the call, you’d switched to video chat, and Sascha appears to be doing some yoga stretches while catching up with you. “You have seven men in that house, all of whom you’re supposed to pleasure sexually, and they’re giving you a paid break from pleasuring them?”

You nod. “Awful, isn’t it?”

Sascha’s face twists. “You know, I think you may be viewing this all wrong.”

Your brows furrow. “Excuse me?”

“Hear me out for a second,” she continues, now angling her warrior pose so she’s facing her camera. “When was the last time you had a real break?” She quirks an eyebrow, dipping out of frame to switch poses, her blonde hair spilling over one shoulder in a loose braid. “One where you didn’t even think about work?”

You stare blankly at the camera. You’ve had no such days. You’re always looking to improve yourself to maintain your high marks. “Um…”

Sascha laughs and flashes you a fond smile. “You were the same way in training. You know how many days a week I work?”

You feel shame start to curl in your gut. “How many?”

“Three,” she replies. “And the reason why is because we have like six Primary PCs here at the dorm.” She blows a stray lock of hair out of her face. “There are thirteen boys to satisfy at any given moment, so we each only tackle two to three at a time, and our coverage is considered thin! Most groups have at least one Primary per client.” She reaches down to touch her toes, her ass shimmying in the air, and you snort. “And that’s not even counting our Secondaries! We're practically a fucking harem over here!”

You sigh, chewing on your lip crankily. “What’s your point?”

She pokes her head up to shoot you an equally cranky glare. “Remind me, how many boys do you tackle?”

“Seven,” you mumble. You know what she’s getting at, but it’s something you don’t want to admit, even to yourself. Maybe… objectively… you do need a break, even if you don’t want one. Maybe you’ve been overworking yourself, biting off - or in this case, perhaps swallowing - more than you can chew.

“Right! That’s half the amount of our clients. Doing the math, you should have at least three Primaries there, but it’s just you.” You see Sascha’s leg rise up behind her in some sort of bizarre stretch, and her voice sounds strained with the effort of holding the pose. “I’m not saying you can’t handle it, babes. I’m just saying that... you do a lot for them. Maybe this will be good for you.”

Hearing someone put it so rationally makes you feel like maybe you’ve been overreacting. Namjoon did tell Yeji he wants to keep you, but it all still seems... off, somehow.

“What about the whole vote thing? And Namjoon’s deal?” You bring up your last few defenses at her argument, your hand resting subconsciously on the pocket of your belt containing the key to his studio.

“Oh no, that’s all highly suspicious.” Sascha blows a lock of hair out of her face as she comes back up and lifts her arms over her head. “But what’s happened has already happened. So I think you should make the best of it, and take this time to rejuvenate yourself. Just keep an eye out, and if those bastards try anything, you send them to me.”

You laugh. “Rejuvenate? How am I supposed to do that?” You roll your eyes at her playfully. “Yoga?”

Sascha props a hand on her hip. “Don’t joke. Yoga is a very valid form of rejuvenation.”

You giggle at her stoicism and she cracks a smile too before continuing. “But seriously, honey! It breaks my heart that you’ve been working so hard, you don’t even remember how to have fun. Come on, what did you do in your training days to relax?”

You think back and try to remember. Most of your memories from training are a blur of hard work, endless studying and practice. You’re about to confess that you really have no idea, when a single memory breaks to the surface, and like a dam, it releases a flood of other times you’d taken breaks. Sneaking out to get snacks, late night adventures, stargazing on the rooftop, all of the rare little pockets of time that you could call your own, and they all had one connecting factor.

“Music,” you breathe, feeling like you just stepped out of a time warp. “Listening to music, really, really loudly.”

Sascha laughs, a proud smile adorning her dimpled cheeks. “I think you know how to kick off your vacation, then.”

You find yourself grinning, too. “Thanks, Sasch.” You feel like maybe you should stay on the line a bit longer. You two really have some catching up to do, even though once you’d started talking, it had felt like no time had passed since you’d last seen her.

But Sascha makes your decision for you, blowing you a kiss. “There are tons of music streaming apps. Go crazy. And call me if you need anything, okay?”

The simple act of her being supportive of your wellbeing has you feeling overwhelmed all over again, but this time, it’s not from emotional distress. “Thanks, Sascha. Same to you.”

You’re about to end the call when you hear a door open on Sascha’s end of the line. She looks off camera and a smile pops up on her face. “Antione, come over here!” She yells, running off screen and returning a moment later, dragging a boy behind her, who seems to be grumbling in protest of her manhandling. “Antione, say hi! This is Antione from the group chat.”

The guy seems more than a little ticked off at Sascha, but when he catches sight of you on the screen, his mouth falls open.

“Oh… hello.” He flashes a smile, and his icy blue eyes are now filled with wonderment. “You’re the Primary for BTS?”

“Hi,” You wave a little awkwardly. “Yup, that’s me.” You can’t help noticing how strikingly similar he and Sascha look. With those crystal eyes and buttery blonde hair, you could mistake them for twins, the only difference being Antione’s thinly framed glasses next to Sascha’s 20/20 vision. But you suppose he wouldn’t really need glasses to have sex, they’d surely get knocked around or broken if he left them on. He probably wears contacts for work.

In fact, his similar appearance to his coworker can’t be a coincidence, especially if they’re both Primaries for their clients, and it leads you to believe that perhaps all of their Primaries bear a resemblance to each other, so that any combination of fuck dolls could be considered a set. From this, you suspect that their clients may be into incestuous role play, or perhaps they like the idea of fucking someone’s “sibling”.

Not concrete evidence, but it’s not a far reach. You’ve seen plenty of stranger kinks.

You’ll have to ask Sascha about it on your next call with her, as you’re sure she’ll ask you more about what things your clients usually request of you. With one girl among seven men, she might presume that they enjoy gangbanging you.

She wouldn’t be wrong, of course.

Kink talk was a common pastime among your peers during your training. You all had been trained to analyze a person, what makes them tick, and how it’s related to their psyche. It had always fascinated you from an academic standpoint, even though some of your fellow trainees would prefer hearing about the dirtiest cases, regardless of the psychological factors that went into it.

“Is all going well? You feeling any better about all this?” Antione’s kind voice tears you out of your thoughts, and you give him a brief, grateful smile.

“I’m getting there,” you reply. “Thank you for all your help. It’s been… a lot to take in, and I’m glad that you recognized that, and helped me ease into it.”

“Not a problem. I’ve been in that position before, and it takes some adjusting, for sure,” he replies.

“That’s what she said.” Sascha snickers. “Alright, stop flirting, you two!” She shoves Antione offscreen, and the boy yelps at once again being pushed around. “Call me if you need me, babes! Have fun! Bye!”

Sascha reaches over and ends the call, and you’re once more on your own. But you don’t feel as isolated as before.

As long as you have your ComGear, you’ll never be alone again.

The thought makes you feel warm inside, though you scold yourself for being so sentimental. You need to recharge, or how did Sascha put it? Rejuvenate.

It doesn’t take long for you to find a decent music streaming app, though it’s becoming harder and harder to ignore the buzzing as your clients keep messaging you. You realize that the notifications might interrupt your music once it starts playing, so you reluctantly open all their chat threads, only to mute them.

There. Now it won’t buzz anymore. They shouldn’t care if you left them on read. They want you to rest, right? You huff derisively and start searching the vast music library, trying to recall what you used to listen to back in the day to pump yourself up.

It dawns on you while you browse that you haven’t listened to any music for the past six months, apart from whatever the boys are rehearsing at any given time. The sound always reaches you whenever they practice, even if they’re rooms away. Though their songs aren’t too bad, they’re still not something you had chosen to listen to.

You hadn’t taken any time to be yourself, since you were so busy trying to be what they want from you.

You feel a vague sort of sadness when you think about it like that, imagining it happening to someone else, but you’re too subjective of the situation to really feel sad for yourself. You hadn’t take time for yourself, however you still climbed the ranks, earned their favor, became their only Primary. You’d achieved your goals.

But at what cost, asks a little voice in your head. What did you lose to win your dream job?

And are you even happy with it? Or is it just the satisfaction that you crave? The satisfaction that you would feel after achieving any other goal? The satisfaction of a job well done?

You shake your head. Whoa there. Too deep.

This is the most mental airspace you’ve had in forever, and it’s starting to show.

You don’t waste any more time trying to remember your old favorites, and instead tap on a “Hot 100 Hits” playlist. It’ll be interesting to see what people are listening to now. Maybe you’ll find some new favorites.

Sure enough, the first song that comes on is a pop rock tune, with a catchy beat and heavy drums. It makes you bob your head and you feel a surge of instant regret at not making more time for music. You’d forgotten how it can take you somewhere else, clear your mind and help you forget all your worries in a way that sex never can.

You’re a bit jarred when the lyrics kick in, though. They don’t rhyme at all, and they seem a little… stilted, like a robot is trying to sing. Damn, is this what kids are listening to these days? You knew that those singing hologram voice programs used to be a thing, but this seems almost unintentional.

You check the screen and sure enough, it’s a Korean title staring back up at you.

Your auditory auto-translation chip is changing the song into verbatim English.

You start to laugh. The unintended consequence strikes you as ridiculous. It seems that reminders of your job are everywhere.

With a sigh of exasperation, you head into the settings of your ComGear and access the language screen. You turn off the auditory auto-translation, and the song reverts back to the original lyrics, which are much easier on the ears.

Now that that’s taken care of, you turn the music on full blast and stand up.

Alright. Music, check. Now... how to leisure?

You look around and assess your room. It’s relatively tidy, and cleaning it won’t take more than ten minutes. You could work out, you have plenty of equipment. But that’s what you usually do on your days off. Improve yourself for work the next day.

What would Sascha say? Maybe… guilty pleasures? You put your mind to coming up with the most self-indulgent thing you can imagine.

Of course, you immediately think of chocolate.

But you’re not really hungry. To be honest, your stomach is still a little knotted up from the meeting.

Maybe not that kind of self-indulgence. You’ll just feel guilty afterwards. Maybe… maybe something pointless. Something that’s fun just for the sake of being fun.

You whirl around and take a long look at your bed as the music sweeps into the chorus.

Fuck, why not? Who’s going to stop you?

You climb onto the mattress and start jumping. You feel pretty silly at first, but the longer you jump, the lighter your worries feel. It’s as if you’re leaving them in the air with every bounce. The music blasts from your night table and you get a little bolder with your jumps, really putting power into them.

You’re lucky you have high ceilings, as you go higher and higher, you could swear you’re flying. You start to laugh, throwing some twirls into your leaps, and as the music blares, you sing along, off-key and with nonsensical phonetic lyrics.

Your cheeks hurt by the end of the song, and you’re out of breath, giggles falling from your lips as you finally jump down into a sitting position on the edge of the bed.

When was the last time you jumped on the bed like this? Must have been when you were young, with your sister.

You feel the same dull ache you always feel when you think of her, though you normally make it a point not to do so. The memory must have slipped past your defenses while you were enjoying yourself.

Lost in your thoughts, you almost don’t hear the insistent pounding at your door, the music and thick walls muffling the sound. You had mistaken the noise for part of the lyrics, as they sounded like gibberish to you. But finally you noticed the person trying to get your attention, and you hurry over to the door as they continue to speak in tongues.

“Neo geogi an-e issni? Yah, mun-eul yeol-eola.”

You pull open the door and are met with the unreadable face of Min Yoongi.

“Gwaenchanh-a? Jeonhwaleul an bad-eusyeossneyo.” He continues to drawl in gibberish, and you merely stare at him, immensely confused.

It clicks for you a moment later, and you hold up a finger to him. “Um, hana… uh, shit, one sec.”

He gives you an equally confused look, and you hasten back to your ComGear to turn the auto-translate back on as well as pause the music. “There, that should do it.” You turn around to see him peering curiously at you.

“You were speaking English,” he says it halfway between a question and a statement. He must be used to hearing you speaking auto-translated Korean, just like you’re used to hearing his words in English.

“Yeah... I forgot to turn my translator back on.” You explain halfheartedly, your shields already locking back into their familiar place. It was a nice, if brief, moment of total freedom, just jumping around to music, but the carefree bubble has popped, and you're once more faced with reality.

Yoongi's eyebrow raises at the mention of the technology, but he merely shrugs a shoulder.

A few awkward moments of silence pass before you realize that he isn't going to explain himself on his own. Something about that, about the expectation for you to move things along, has your hackles raised in irritation.

Just like always, he's expecting you to do all the work.

"Did you need something?" You try to stay professional, even now, but you can't keep the edge out of your voice. All traces of your previous enjoyment have shriveled up and vanished in the face of the man who told your other clients that you were something replaceable.

He prods his cheek with his tongue, his face mask shifting from where it rests below his lips. "You weren't answering your phone," he says by way of an answer.

You stare at him, already growing weary of this interaction. Does he expect you to be as accessible as you were before? You don't plan on contacting any of them if you can help it, at least, not for right now.

Wait, did Namjoon tell them what happened? He must have. But if he didn't, then maybe that's why Yoongi is here. There’s no point in having any more misunderstandings; you have to make the situation clear.

"I'm suspended." Your voice grows quiet, and you look off into the hallway, shame coloring your cheeks. You know you shouldn't be, but you still feel a sting from vocalising your current demotion.

Yoongi gives a hum of affirmation, confirming that he already knew, as his eyes roam over your body. "Forbidden fruit..."

You tense, your body reacting involuntarily to his offhand comment as heat rushes to your core. Your most primal senses want him to give into the temptation and pin you against the wall... No, snap out of it. You’re still mad at him, no matter how attractive he may be.

But thankfully the moment of tension passes just as quickly, and his gaze returns to your face. "It’s a shame I already ate, unlike some people.” A flicker of humor in his eyes. “Here."

He hands you a paper bag, with a takeout logo on the front. You can't do anything but stare at it. It seems that your processors are still down for maintenance.

“You didn’t have breakfast.” Yoongi finally says, after it becomes clear you aren’t saying anything. “You’ve been up here since the meeting.”

It finally dawns on you, though the logical conclusion seems hard to believe. “You were… concerned about me?”

He tugs the face mask up over his mouth, concealing most of his expression. “Jungkook,” he corrects you with a slight cough. “He sent me up here. Poor kid was worried sick about you.”

You hesitate to take the food, even though your stomach is curling with hunger. Is this an attempted peace offering? Does he think this will make things better?

Before you can question his motives, he sighs and shoves the bag towards you. “Take it. You still have to eat, you know.”

You’re tired of fighting, and take the path of least resistance by accepting the bag. “Thanks,” you say, half-hoping that this will be the end of it and he’ll just leave. But the other half still holds the whimsical notion that he actually cared enough to check up on you.

“It’s fine,” Yoongi shrugs again, looking off to the side.

You'd only ever known Min Yoongi as a salacious dom, stuffing you full and showering you in filthy praises. It feels surreal to be standing here now, holding a normal conversation.

After another moment, it becomes clear that his business here isn’t finished, and quite frankly, you’re getting impatient. “Is there anything else?”

At this, he seems to remember his reason for coming. “Ah, yeah. Can I come in?”

Into your room? You blink in dismay, the answer should be obvious to him. “No.”

You think you can see his mouth lift into a smile beneath the mask. “Good. That’s the spirit.” He gives a slight nod, as if appraising your disobedience.

You aren’t sure if this is normal behavior for him, as you’ve barely spoken to him out of character. You know probing him about it will only drag out this interaction, but your curiosity gets the better of you. “What… what are you talking about?”

He shoves his hands in his pockets. “I’m just glad to see that you have some backbone. You’re usually so willing to follow orders.”

You bristle at this. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” he says, lifting an eyebrow. It would have looked like a challenge if it had been more deliberate, but the way Yoongi carries himself is effortlessly casual and careless. "He gave you his key, right?"

It takes you a moment to discern that he’s talking about Namjoon. You nod once, and he scoffs.

"I knew he would. Poetic bastard." Yoongi sighs, then fixes his gaze to you once more. “That means I have to share my studio with him until all this is fixed.” He clicks his tongue in annoyance.

You aren’t sure how to reply, or if he’s even looking for one. If he wants an apology from you, he’s out of luck. Namjoon’s questionable decisions are not your fault.

But he doesn’t wait for any words from you, and instead turns around to go back downstairs. “Anyway, enjoy your break.”

“Wait.” You aren’t sure why you stop him. Maybe because he doesn’t seem like the type to bullshit you. “Min Yoongi.”

He pauses and looks over his shoulder at the sound of his name, an indiscernible expression in his eyes.

Your resolve turns to steel, using the last ounce of your strength to try and get some answers. “Tell me what’s going on. Why is he doing this?”

Yoongi glances up to the ceiling as though thinking of what to say.

His next words do not inspire confidence.

“I have no fucking idea.”

Your shoulders slump down a fraction. You aren’t sure you believe him, but it’s too much effort to hope for anything beyond his word. You can’t handle any more disappointment right now.

Yoongi scratches the side of his temple and gives a weary sigh. “If I could look inside his mind, then maybe I’d have a clue...” He stares at you intently, and his gaze trails down over your body again. You resist the urge to cover yourself, though now you realize you don’t have to resist. Your body doesn’t belong to him right now, and it won’t for the next several days.

Your arms cross themselves protectively over your chest, testing the waters of your newfound independence. “My eyes are up here, byeongsin.”

His eyes widen a fraction at your cheek. He tugs the face mask down below his chin again, a bewildered smile twitching onto his face, no doubt surprised to hear you cursing him out in Korean. “Who taught you that?”

“Taehyung.” You smirk, proud of yourself for catching him off guard for once. You remember when Tae had told you how surreal it sounded to hear you swearing in his language.

“Doesn’t it sound the same?” You ask him, confusion furrowing your brow. “The translator…”

Taehyung shakes his head, grinning from ear to ear and practically bouncing from excitement. “It sounds different! Like… like you have an accent,” he giggles. “Say it again.”

“Shibal.” You repeat the word hesitantly, the syllables feeling strange on your tongue. Mouth shapes for Korean are so different compared to English.

Taehyung bursts into a fit of laughter, clutching his sides as he rolls onto his back. You whack him with a couch cushion. “That’s not fair! You already know all the English profanities.”

Tae’s eyes dance with laughter as he sits back up. “All thanks to Namjoon-hyung. Shit, bastard, damn it to hell, and of course...” He sticks out his tongue, running it over his lips. “Fuck you.”

There’s a flutter in your stomach from the look he’s giving you. You snort and whack him with the pillow again. “Yup, you got all the highlights.”

His hand slides over your thigh. You meet his gaze, that flutter returning as you see the lust swirling like smoke in his pupils. “Jagiya...” His hand grazes farther up your thigh. “I want to fuck you.”

Things had obviously escalated after that, and you might have gotten lost in the memories if Yoongi hadn’t let out a low chuckle, bringing you back to the moment. “Wow. What else did he teach you?”

You grin, about to let loose a string of foul language, but he holds up a hand before you can, waving off whatever you’re about to say. “Nah, forget it. Leave it a surprise.”

“I’m full of them, you know.” You can’t help feeling a little proud.

“I know.” He stares at you for another moment before turning and heading downstairs. “Make sure to eat,” he calls over his shoulder, and soon enough his footsteps fade away.

A warm feeling fills your chest in his absence, and you can’t quite explain why. His last words prove that he must care about you a little, even if he doesn’t try to show it. The Yoongi you just spoke with feels like a completely different person than the one you overheard in the kitchen. Different even than the one at dinner, who suggested Seokjin should use another slut in your absence.

The memory taints the feeling of warmth, and you sigh. Why are things so fucking complicated?

You head back into your room and devour the takeout with less grace than would be expected for a seductress such as yourself, and mindlessly scroll through your ComGear, which is now more of a standard cellphone, exploring all the newly accessible features.

You’ve missed a lot of news, both locally and globally. Celebrity gossip. Politics. Entertainment.

Wait, whoa. What?

New Witness “B” Comes Forward About Sexual Manipulation in the K-Pop Industry

Sorry, what?

You click the article, your mind reeling with morbid fascination. Why would there still be any “manipulation” now that groups are given PhysComs? Why would they need any other sexual outlet, when they’re given vessels that are willing to serve?

Our witness, who wishes to remain anonymous, has independently corroborated with Witness A’s story. “B” has told us that, like “A”, they weren’t given a choice when it came to filming private sessions with their clients.

“[Group] told me that it was my job. That it was what I was there for. But they filmed me without my consent. They posted the videos online and made money from it. It’s not right. I got out, but there are still others like me who need help. It shouldn’t matter that sex work is against the law. What these people are doing, taking advantage of us… it should be just as illegal. We need a voice, too.”

You may recall that Witness A’s shocking story from earlier this month sparked rumors about illegal sexual companions being provided to entertainment companies, a practice which up until now had been considered hearsay.

However, with this new testimony, it seems that “A” may have had some truth to their story. We tried to contact [Group]’s agency, but they were unavailable for comment.

Holy shit… you had no idea any of this was happening. Thinking on it, it stands to reason that not every PhysCom is treated equally, given the vast multitude of people who have access to them. But where are these PhysComs’ handlers? Why aren’t their networks helping them?

You find polarizing comments beneath the article, most angry that the companies would allow the sex work to take place, very few praising B’s decision to speak out, and some disbelieving that PhysComs even exist. There are also a few very lengthy comments that catch your eye, demonizing the witnesses and making threats towards other companies, should the commenter’s “oppas” be caught in this scandal, too.

You feel uneasy as you click away from the article. The rest of the takeout is put away in your mini fridge, your appetite gone as you try to make sense of things.

That article gives you the feeling that something is happening, not just here in this house, but in the world. Like floating pieces of a magnetic puzzle, you know they’ll all come together somehow, eventually, but you still can’t see the big picture.

You send the article to the group chat, and they confirm that they’ve seen it.

[ PCsv02_svt ]: scary, right? TT-TT [ PCsv02_svt ]: I don’t know what I’d do if I were them, poor thing [ PCsv03_twc ]: they should’ve gone to the police [ PCsv04_blp ]: why did they wait until now to come forward? [ PCsv03_twc ]: if my clients ever treated me badly I would have done something [ PCsv09_$px ]: it’s not always that simple [ PCsv01_svt ]: yes consider the repercussions… [ PCsv01_svt ]: an illegal sex worker reporting nonconsensual sex? [ PCsv01_svt ]: that’s like a robber reporting another robbery

You mull over this as you let them debate the topic. You imagine what it must be like to be in that position, taken advantage of by your clients… you shiver at the cold injustice of it.

There is a certain degree of trust that's employed in any kind of sex work. You're still offering intimacy in some form, which can't be fully given without trust. It must be utterly horrific to see that trust broken and be unable to stop it.

You want to help these people somehow, but right now you need to help yourself. One sea of turmoil at a time.

You click out of the chat and switch to each conversation with your clients, copy and pasting the same message to each of them.

Please don't contact me for the rest of the day. I need time alone.

Since you're suspended, you figure they can't punish you for making yourself unavailable. Though it pains you to think of them relying on the other PhysComs at their disposal. Seokjin already has. You forcibly push away the thoughts every time they bounce against your mind.

With the boys out of the way, you assess your options. You need more information about what the hell is happening, and the most likely place you'll find it is obvious. What did Yoongi say? If he could look inside Namjoon's mind… then he'd have an idea.

You happen to have the key to his mind right in your belt.

-------

It's surprisingly difficult to sneak out of the house without alerting anyone. You left your door locked and music blaring. Between that and the text you sent, you thought leaving from your window would be a piece of cake.

You neglected to account for the height.

Your room is on the third story, too far to jump without damaging yourself. Thankfully, you've seen enough movies to have the idea of fashioning a rope out of extra bed sheets. Unfortunately, bed sheets are not the best rope material. Too slippery.

You mull over what to do for a few moments, and you laugh out loud when you realize that the solution is absurdly simple. Hello? You have literal ropes in among your sex toys. Even better, they're designed not to give the user rope burn, while still knotting like a dream.

It doesn't take long to shimmy down from your window to ground level, and you stash the end of the rope behind some bushes, planning to use it later to return to your forbidden tower.

Disguised in a hoodie, you feel like a spy in an action movie, or a runaway princess, and the thought makes you giggle as you make your way towards the nearest subway station.

It's been too long since you've ventured out of the house. You had nearly forgotten how invigorating the bustle of the city could be. You feel like you’re breathing fresh air for the first time in ages, though the pollution in the distant sky would say otherwise.

It only takes a quick search on your jailbroken ComGear to find the address of the building where Namjoon's studio is located. BigHit Entertainment.

You'll have to be careful not to encounter the others. They probably frequent their record label, and the last thing you need is to bump into one of them. You would have no explanation for yourself as to why you're here. You'd rather avoid the questions.

Unfortunately, it proves harder than you’d think to get into the building. A fingerprint ID scanner meets you just inside the auxiliary door.

Fuck. It’s too much to hope that they have your prints in their database, right? You place your thumb over the scanner, and it buzzes, the sensor light turning red. No go.

Well shit, what are you supposed to do now? You’ve come all this way, and you wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for Namjoon’s stupid key.

Wait, why the hell did he give you the key if he knew you couldn’t get into the building? Bastard. You groan and kick at the base of the door. You try your prints again, but none of your fingers grant you access, the scanner buzzing mockingly with each failed attempt.

You’re about to give up when you hear a voice behind you. “Here, let me.”

You swivel around and see Jeon Jungkook place his thumb on the scanner, a to-go cup in his hand and a duffle bag on his shoulder. The light turns green and the door whooshes aside to let him in. The lift in his brows tells you he recognizes you through your flimsy disguise, but he merely gestures for you to go ahead. You sheepishly walk through, knowing better than to question this stroke of good fortune.

Or bad fortune, as it turns out.

"What are you doing here?" Jungkook asks quietly, once you two are inside the sleek lobby. "You said you wanted to be left alone."

"I did," you confirm huffily, still embarrassed about your struggle to get inside the building. "I do."

"Then... why are you here?" He takes a look around the lobby, where a handful of people are milling about. “It’s not really a good place for being alone.”

You chew your lip. This is the most Jungkook has ever spoken to you. You consider coming up with a story, but it occurs to you that you don't actually know where Namjoon's studio is located inside the building. You’ll need a guide.

"Namjoon said I could use his studio," you explain, deciding to include as few details as possible about your reasons for being here.

"For what?" His brow furrows.

Why all the questions? You’ve always thought of Jungkook as timid, more the type to stay out of the way if someone is up to something, rather than grilling them. But for all you know, maybe he gets assertive in the workplace. It doesn’t matter. You have bigger concerns right now. "To release my first single, obviously,” you snark, crossing your arms. "Look, I’m here for research, okay? You can either help me, or stay out of my way."

His eyes widen. He's never heard you speak to him as yourself, let alone this brazenly. But to your surprise, he nods. “Okay. What can I do to help?”

Well, damn. You didn’t think he would actually agree. It could be that he wants to report what you do to the other boys, acting like a spy. But you’re only here because Namjoon gave you that key. He can’t fault you for using the collateral that he gave you, right?

Fuck it, you’re tired of second guessing. Now is the time for action. Fuck the consequences.

“Where’s Namjoon’s studio?” You ask him, an edge in your voice. “Show me.”

Jungkook hesitates for only a moment, and then nods. He looks wary, almost nervous, and you have to wonder why. Even with your confidant demands, he still has the power in this situation, as always. You’re a nobody who couldn’t even get in the door without his help, and he actually works here. He could have you thrown out, if he wanted.

The thought sends a bolt of worry right to your chest, and you decide to do everything you can to not remind him of that fact.

After a strangely tense elevator ride, Jungkook silently leads you down several corridors until you come across a frosted glass door.

“Here,” he says, gesturing towards the door.

“This is it?” You ask to confirm, and he nods.

You take a deep breath and retrieve the key from your belt. His eyes widen as you slot the key into the lock, and with a gentle twist, the handle turns.

“Where-” Jungkook’s eyes widen to the size of dinner plates, and you turn around to shush him.

“It was a gift,” you explain icily. “Now, if you’re going to help me, then stay right here and make sure no one comes in, got it?”

His lips purse in suspicion and his eyes narrow, but he nods. “Fine.”

Satisfied, you turn back to the door, and it’s only then that you notice the keypad beneath the lock. Clearly the silver key Namjoon gave you isn’t the only way into his studio, as he had previously implied. Some collateral.

More and more doubts fill your thoughts, but you have no energy left to hesitate as you carefully pull the door open and slip inside their leader’s forbidden sanctuary.

-------

It’s much smaller than you thought. Really, only the size of your walk-in closet.

The silence in the room is palpable, the only noise stemming from the gentle purr of electronics. Your gaze gets stuck on all the collectibles he has on display, all around the room, in glass cases and on shelves. Mickey Mouse bodies, with skulls and crossbones for heads. Everything is black, white, and shades of gray.

They make up the only distraction in the room, but they’re everywhere.

You then notice the only clear surface, or relatively clear, as his desk, opposite the door. A grand computer screen sits front and center, with various equipment stacked around it, and a piano keyboard on a tray beneath the glass desktop.

You hasten across the carpeting, and gingerly pull out his desk chair, plush leather with a high back, ergonomically designed.

It feels like a siren will go off at any moment. You aren’t supposed to be here. You’re intruding.

But you need answers. He gave you the key.

You shake off your sense of foreboding and sit down, swiveling yourself into place. A quick shake of the mouse wakes up his computer.

Fuck.

You need a password. Of course. Nothing in your life can be simple.

After a few moments of muttering and seething in frustration, you try to calm down. Okay, so maybe this won’t be an in and out procedure, maybe this will take a little more thought.

Okay, think, think… what would he use for his password?

“It’s ‘monimoni0613’.”

The voice scares you shitless, and you swivel around to see Jungkook poking his head in the door. He gives you a half smile. “And that’s in Korean. You want help?”

You clutch your chest. “Fuck, don’t scare me like that!” You snap at him, though he doesn’t seem particularly intimidated. How does Namjoon even work with his back to the door like this? You’d be constantly looking over your shoulder. Is he really that trusting of people?

Jungkook doesn’t wait for your answer and comes inside, letting the door fall gently shut behind him. “It’s after his dog,” he says, leaning over you to access the keyboard and quickly type in the password. He smells like shampoo.

Your heart picks up the pace as he hovers over you, his eyes trained on the screen. He’s only inches away from you, his necklace dangles in front of your face in a way that you should not find tantalizing.

“His dog’s name is Moni?” You ask, trying to tell your heart to kindly get a grip. You’re on a mission, no time for horniness.

“Well, ah… yeah. Let’s go with that.” Jungkook makes a slight noise of triumph as the computer unlocks, Namjoon's desktop wallpaper greeting you - yet another skull-headed Mickey.

"Wait, how do you know his password?" You can't help but ask. After the ordeal you went through just to get to his inner sanctum, this feels too easy.

"He lets me use his computer sometimes, for gaming, and stuff…" the boy trails off, looking elsewhere as though embarrassed.

"Okay…" You stare at him. "Thanks for helping."

"You're welcome."

There's an awkward silence.

"Go wait outside." You say.

"Yup." He ducks back out of the room, leaving you to your investigating once more.

You exhale once you're alone again. Okay, where to start? You scan his desktop, but the icons are surprisingly neat. A few programs, a few shortcuts, a few folders, all of which prove fruitless.

The folders contain music program files of what appear to be songs still in the works. Although interesting, not really what you're looking for.

Jesus, how could he trust you with all this? You could leak these to the public. You could sell them, and never have to worry about job security again...

He must be fucking desperate to put his entire career in your hands.

Just like your career currently rests in his own.

You shake off the idea of selling the insider information. Although tempting, right now all you really want is answers as to why the fuck he's doing any of this in the first place. Why did he suspend you? Why did things stop? You had a spotless record up until last night, so… what changed?

You check his recent files next, and happen to find exactly what you're looking for.

Theory - draft for proposal

Seems like a solid lead.

You click the link, and a word document opens up. Unfortunately in Korean.

Of course. Of course he would write in his native language, and of course, it’s only your ComGear that translates messages from the boys, you don’t have bionic vision. There are a few random English words scattered here and there, but not nearly enough to make heads or tails of what the document is about. You could use an online translator, but you need a full understanding of this material, there’s no room for error here.

Should you ask Jungkook? No, you should not. He seems innocent enough, but your sense of self-preservation now overrides any trust you might have once given him. You bite back a groan of frustration and instead mutter a few choice expletives through a heavy, weary sigh.

Then you get an idea.

If your ComGear is what usually does your translating, why not just send this there?

You fumble to highlight the document, then copy it and head over to Namjoon’s email. Yikes. Lots and lots of unread. Well, you can’t blame him with his hectic schedule. You skip over a couple of emails at the top that appear to be from law firms, and instead click to compose a new message.

Fuck, this will leave a trail, won’t it? If he checks his sent emails, he’ll see that you saw… whatever this turns out to be.

It doesn’t matter. He gave you access to this room. He knew the potential consequences.

You paste the body of the document, type in your email address and hit send. Not moments later, there’s a chime on your ComGear, and sure enough, an email has arrived. You don’t get much correspondence these days, apart from your network. Well, your old network. Now your phone constantly has notifications from the chatroom. It feels strangely comforting.

Without another moment’s hesitation, you tap the email and anxiously wait for it to load, praying that the automatic translation feature doesn’t fail you now.

Soon, the English text appears, and your worries are put to rest within the first line.

We must build a brighter future for PhysComs.

#bts #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts x reader smut #bts x reader #bts fanfiction #bts ot7 #bts ot7 smut #bts smut fic #bts fic rec #yoongi x reader #jungkook x reader #thank you all for enjoying physcom! <3

908 notes · View notes

bxcksdoll · 5 years ago

Text

You’re mine, forever and always

Pairings: Steve Rogers x reader, Thor x reader

Summary: Y/N breaks up with Steve around the time of Age of Ultron because he’s constantly neglecting her. She becomes much closer with Thor while Steve watches from afar, regretful of losing the love of his life. When he goes back in time to deliver the infinity stones to where they belong, he decides to give past! Y/N a visit...

Warnings: starts off noncon, dark!steve, abusive, harassment, blood

A/N: i had this fic idea and decided to collab with @xmarveled bc she’s my main girl❤️ and then @darkficsyouneveraskedfor announced they were doing a writing challenge so we decided to input this!!

To say you were feeling lonely was an understatement - you preferred to think of it as utterly and miserably neglected by the man who held your wholesome, lovesick heart in his hands. For the past couple of weeks, you had felt increasingly distant from your boyfriend, Steve Rogers. Tonight wasn’t any different. However, tonight was even worse.

Tony was hosting one of his prominent parties which consisted of other celebrities, journalists, government personnel and, of course, Avengers. As you glanced around the room, Steve could be seen chatting with overly glamorous women, at almost every minute of the night; this made you sick to your stomach, ashamed and disappointed that he was the man you called your boyfriend.

The night had started off well - or so you had thought. Before everyone began to arrive, a sense of hope soared through you that you and Steve would resolve whatever had affected your relationship, lately. You had no idea, yourself, why Steve had been distant but you were too scared to ask incase it would start an argument and he would leave you.

However, now seeing him throw himself at these women made you question your previous restrain on the topic. After this party, you knew you had to confront him, he couldn’t expect you to stay with him after obviously neglecting you and going for other women.

A pang if sadness hit your chest and made your stomach fall to the floor. You recalled how you felt a couple of hours ago: you spent hours choosing your dress, styling your hair and doing your makeup. You made sure to pick more of a 40s-style dress in the high hopes that Steve would notice and praise you for it. However, it was clear to you now that he didn’t care how much effort you had put in.

After you dressed yourself up, you strutted down to the party. To your luck, you had received many numbers of compliments and stares from people around the room. However, none from Steve. He spotted you as you walked in from across the room, gave a tight smile but then carried on with his convocation with Bucky and some women (who were clearly all models).

This neglectful greeting sank your heart to the ground floor, your breath left your body in disbelief. Quickly, you regained yourself and made sure no one noticed the glossy way that your eyes sparkled more than usual. For most of the night, you had stayed by Natasha and Wanda, unable to bring yourself to face your boyfriend. You had nothing to say to him and he, clearly, felt the same.

As the end of the party neared, Natasha had been whisked away by some government worker who she was trying to get information from whilst Wanda left with Vision to have some privacy on the balcony.

You sat alone and distraught, at the bar, sipping on a drink which you didn’t even remember ordering - you were too focused on Steve to remember even asking. The way his eyes crinkled with laughter when one of the many women would say something funny - the same way he used to laugh at your jokes - or the way he would subtly lay a hand on one of the women’s arm in the same way he did with you.

The only thing stopping you from marching straight over there and picking a fight right there was your knowledge of how many journalists there were at the party. You couldn’t cause a scene without it being big news headlines the next day. So, instead, you sat alone at the side of the bar, staring ahead at Steve and the cluster of women around him.

Slowly, a figure began to sit down next to you but you didn’t notice. The voice of a man could be heard but your brain couldn’t fully process it. Finally, a hand rested on your arm and you turned to your right to look away from Steve and at the god beside you.

“Good evening, Lady Y/N,” Thor’s soft voice calmed your nerves slightly. “Is everything alright?” he asked, concern laced in his voice as he raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah-yeah I’m fine,” you lied, twirling your drink between your fingers.

“Hmm, are you positive, my lady? I think you’re lying.”

“I’m fine, Thor. Why are you so concerned anyway?” you snapped, taking your anger out on him.

Thor put his hands up in defence, “I’m sorry. I was just concerned about you sitting here all alone.” His words warmed your heart and you felt a pang of guilt at losing your temper with him.

“Thank you, Thor, but I want to be alone,” you turned your face from his, back over to wear Steve stood.

“I think you’re lying again, Lady Y/N. It seems to me you’d rather be over yonder with Steve,” he chuckled. “Why don’t you join him?”

You turned to him, eyes filled with pain staring into his. “Is that some sort of joke?!” you demanded. “You must have seen him hitting on other girls all night - I can’t face him!”

Realisation hit Thor as his eyebrows grew heavy, staring harshly over at your boyfriend. “Oh, I never noticed. I guess I’ve been too focused on you and thinking of ways to cheer you up,” he gave a sad smile.

He carried on talking but you couldn’t hear him, you were too busy with your eyes on Steve. This time, the super soldier was whispering something in a woman’s ear, teasing her as she giggled in response.

Your fingernails dug harshly into your palms as the muscles in your arms clenched. A feeling of disgust washed over you, everything but Steve disappearing around you.

How could he act like this? He was the sweetest man you knew - this wasn’t like him at all. What had happened between the two of you?

You felt, what was left of, your heart beat faster in your chest. Your hands began to shake - out of fury or sorrow you couldn’t tell. Thor noticed your distress and, once again, placed his hand on your arm to stop you from shaking so much.

Light entered back in the room at his touch, you turned towards him and tried to muster a smile, with all the strength in your trembling lips. Thor rubbed up and down your arm, in a comforting fashion, and you leaned closer to him.

“Is there anything I can do to cheer you up, my lady?” Thor asked, hopefully.

You sniffed a little, wiping your eyes. “I’m not sure anything will cheer me up, Thor,” you replied, melancholy eyes staring into his which were full of pity.

“How about a dance?” he suggested and you perked up a bit.

Laughing quietly, you accepted his offer and his face lit up with enthusiasm. Thor always knew how to make you feel better at the worst of times.

He stood up, without a second thought, holding out his hand for you. You took it it, willingly, and he escorted you to the dance floor where a few other couples were dancing - including Tony and Pepper.

As the two of you reached the dance floor, Thor cautiously placed his hands on your waist and you slung your own around the back of his neck. You both began to sway, slowly to the music echoing through the party.

For ages, you danced together. Thor was extremely fun to talk to and he was especially good at keeping you distracted from Steve. Since he had asked you to dance, you hadn’t even glanced at your boyfriend; you figured that he hadn’t looked your way either. However, you didn’t know how wrong you were. Ever since you stepped onto the dance floor, Steve’s attention was caught. He watched, attentively, as Thor placed his arms firmly on your waist and couldn’t stifle a jealous, burning feeling.

Steve had purposely ignored you all night. His reasoning behind his actions was that he didn’t feel much of a connection anymore - you barely spent any time with each other.

Most nights, you would be up working late on some assignment Fury had set you. Therefore, the two of you hadn’t had any alone time. Steve longed for you to spend more time with him but, when he confronted you, you had said that you were too busy and that all this time you had spent away would ‘only be temporary’.

However, this had gone on for almost a month now and he was sick of it. He wanted some kind of reaction out of you - even for a jealous, angry one. And so, he spent the night around other women mostly so that you would confront him but also because he craved attention which these women so gratefully gave him.

You were unaware off all of this, still thinking you hadn’t done anything wrong. And, in all honestly, you had only been doing your job - nothing as bad as what Steve was doing now.

Steve now felt that his plan had backfired; instead of causing a reaction out of you, he thought he had driven you away to the arms of another man. Thor.

His piercing blue eyes stared through you and Thor, his senses surrounded by envy. A dark sensation absorbed into his mind and heart, watching how you laughed with fondness at Thor’s words. Dark thoughts ceaselessly ran through his mind as to how he would approach you after the party. He waited with impatience for the rest of the night, continuing to watch you and Thor.

You carried on swaying to the beat, accompanied by Thor, utterly oblivious to Steve’s eyes on you. The night, surprisingly, grew better with Thor beside you. For a short few minutes, Steve was lost through your mind - your problems and worries lost with him.

At last, however, the night had to end. People began to leave, steadily. At this sudden departure, you and Thor returned to the bar to have another drink as you waited for everyone to leave.

Moments later, heavy footsteps could be heard from behind you. You didn’t bother turning around, too invested in your pleasant heart to heart with Thor.

The sound of someone clearing their throat caused Thor to look up to the man behind you. His eyes hardened as the previous smile on his lips disappeared.

Turning around in confusion, you were faced with the harsh features of the one and only Steven Rogers. Mentally, you cursed him and sent a cold glare towards him.

“It’s late, we should head back to our room,” he stated, sending a quick scowl at Thor.

Surprise was visual on your features since he actually came over to talk to you. It made your glare soften a bit and, as much as you wished to stay with Thor, you had to admit that it was pretty late; you already had an even longer night ahead of you if you were going to confront Steve.

“Fine,” you returned, turning to give Thor a small smile. “Thank you for keeping me company tonight, Thor.”

“You’re very welcome, my lady,” he returned the smile.

You leaned towards him, giving him a quick embrace. It was much quicker than you had intended because of the fact that Steve grabbed ahold of the back of your dress and tugged you back, placing an arm around your waist possessively. You felt uncomfortable at his action, trying to create some distance between the two of you but he wouldn’t release you, only gripping harder.

“Goodnight, Thor,” he sneered, pulling you away from Thor and towards the elevator.

As you left, you turned slightly to wave goodbye to Thor. He returned the gesture, a sympathetic smile on his face.

Entering the elevator, Steve forcefully pressed the button to your floor and was about to turn to you but was interrupted by some guests entering behind. Instead, he took a step back to pretend he was making more space but purposely moved behind you as an act of intimidation; he pressed his chest firmly against your back and placed a gripping hand on your hip.

You swallowed, hard, anxious as to how this confrontation was going to go. You were beginning to like Steve better when he didn’t acknowledge you at all.

After reaching your floor, Steve swiftly pulled you out of the lift. Your high-heeled feet could barely keep up with him as he strode down the corridor to your shared space.

He stopped abruptly when he reached the front door, letting go of you as he fumbled with the keys. Once he unlocked the door, he swung it open with so much force that you flinched and proceeded to press you into the room, slamming the door behind himself.

You turned around, slowly, to face him. Your nerves were all over the pace - not sure whether you should bring up the issue or wait for him to say something.

Reluctantly, your conscious got the best of you, “Steve, I think we need to talk.”

“You’re damn right we need to talk!” he snapped, stalking towards you. You stepped back, in reflex. “Do you think that you can get all cozy with Thor and that I’ll just sit around and watch? Well, you’ve got that wrong, doll face,” he continued, sinisterly.

Shock hit you, you couldn’t believe what he was accusing you of.

“‘Getting cozy?!’” you demanded, stepping toward. “You can talk, Steven! The entire party could see you doing the same thing with basically EVERY woman there!”

“I’m surprised you noticed that - I thought you were too busy gazing into Thor’s eyes,” he scoffed, narrowing his eyes at you.

“No, Steve, you do not get to attack me for spending time with Thor when you were flirting with about 10 women every minute!” you yelled.

“At least those other women actually gave me some attention! Unlike my own girlfriend who I barely even see anymore,” he came back.

“Oh god, Steve, are you seriously going to bring up my work again? Look, I’m sorry that I’ve been busy lately but that doesn’t give you the right to hit on other women,” you put your face in your hands, rubbing your temples.

“If you were really sorry then you’d make an effort to be with me, Y/N,” he lectured, a solemn expression plastered on his features.

“You want to talk about making an effort?!” you demanded, edging closer to him so that you were almost chest to chest. “I spent hours perfecting my hair and makeup for the party - all for you. I even bought a 40s-style dress which is very uncomfortable to wear - all for you, Steve. But I guess it was all for nothing because you barely looked at me the whole night and only spoke to me a couple of minutes ago. So please, tell me again that I haven’t made an effort!”

Steve was silent, staring straight through your soul, causing your mind to go blank. The silence was an uncomfortable, heart-stopping feeling.

Finally, he broke the silence, “trying to get on my good side for one night doesn’t excuse the fact that you’ve been abandoning me for the past month.”

“Wha-abandoning you? You’re not an child, Steve, you’re a grown-ass man! Anyway, I still come home every night after work and try to spend as much time with you as I can,” you argued.

“Ha, as much as you can,” he repeated, “is that why you spent all night with Thor?”

Your chest now heaved with anger, as Steve extended the distance between you and began pacing back and forth.

“For half the night I was with Nat and Wanda but you wouldn’t know that since you were too busy making your way around every woman in sight! Then, I spent the remainder of the night with Thor because he was a gentleman and noticed I was feeling upset since my boyfriend was neglecting me!” you yelled.

Steve reached one side of the room and slammed his fist into a mirror; glass shattered across the room, Steve’s hand dripping with blood. You flinched but Steve didn’t seem to react.

“Me neglecting you?!” he continued, dropping his arm to his side. “Oh no, doll face, don’t you try to be the victim here!” he returned, teeth gritted. “You’ve become such a self-centred bitch, never thinking about anyone but yourself!”

Your heart sunk at his words but you couldn’t let him see that they hurt you. Your hot-headedness got the best of you as you fought back, “How can you say that, Steve? I prioritised my time and workload just to come to this party for you and I dressed like this for you, too! I am anything but self-centred!”

“Enough about your outfit! I don’t care that you tried to impress me, alright? You don’t look half as good as Peggy did back in the 40s, anyway,” he seethed.

You felt a punch to the gut. Did he really just say that? You stood there, mouth agape, staring into his stern eyes.

“Excuse me?” you uttered, desperately hoping your voice wouldn’t falter.

“You heard what I said. You should stop trying, if that’s what you’re hoping to achieve. After all, you’ll never succeed what she meant to me,” his words stung like a knife through your heart.

Turning away, you left the room and went straight towards your wardrobe - beginning to pack your things.

“What are you doing?” he demanded.

“Leaving.”

“Really?” he asked, a hint of surprise in his voice.

“Of course I fucking am! You have humiliated me in front of all of our friends, Steve, and now your telling me I’ll never be as good as your past girlfriend! I’d rather be a-anywhere but here now,” your voice finally broke.

“Fine,” he grumbled, “good riddens.”

You stuffed all you could find in a bag and threw it over your shoulder.

“Who are you and what the hell have you done to the man I love? What happened to the Steve I knew? The Steve I loved? You have humiliated me, countless times over the past months. In front of my friends, in front of the people I love. We’re done Steve,” you stated, glaring at him as you began to walk towards the exit.

“Fine by me!” he shouted, pacing back and forth.

You didn’t utter another word before swinging the door wildly and slamming it shut behind you, truly abandoning Steve this time.

As soon as the door closed behind her, it all fell apart. Every wall that Steve had been desperately trying to build the last few months came crashing down, burying him in their rubble. Steve sank to the ground with his head in his hands. What the fuck did he just do?

All the anger, the fury, the rage that had been in his heart for the last few months had disappeared, leaving him alone to face the real demons. The sadness, the pain, the loneliness hit him in the gut like a brick. He could physically feel what Y/N left of his heart break in his chest.

Y/N’s voice still echoed across the empty room. “Who are you and what the hell have you done to the man I love? What happened to the Steve I knew? The Steve I loved? You have humiliated me, countless times over the past months. In front of my friends, in front of the people I love. We’re done Steve.” Loved. Past tense. She was right. God she was right. What kind of sorry excuse of a man has he become?

All of Steve’s renowned strength left him, and he slumped backwards until his head hit the ground. He couldn’t stop thinking about all the times he had shared with Y/N.

Their first kiss, their first date, their first time, their first heartbreak.

And as Steve Rogers lay there surrounded by the broken shards of glass that mirrored his heart, he realized something. The love of his life was gone. And he was never getting her back.

Time had moved on. Four months, to be exact. Time had passed but Steve’s feelings for you hadn’t. Every single day he regretted losing you but his loss turned him bitter, cold-hearted. His behaviour towards you was resentful and loathsome; he barely spoke a word to you but, when he did, he was utterly obnoxious.

He blamed you more than himself and turned some of your friends against you too. Sam was your best friend - the one you could turn to for everything no matter what. However, after seeing you dance with Thor that night and then discovering the next day that you and Steve had broken up, he put two and two together and spread a rumour that you had been cheating on Steve.

Steve never denied these claims and so many people believed them. He is greatly respected and well-known for being an heroic, honourable man therefore people began to turn against you. It never crossed their minds that he could have been the one to cause your relationship to end.

Over the past couple of months, you had grown much closer with Thor and became a couple. From this, the two of you received severe backlash from the team - they harassed you exponentially ever since.

No matter how much you pleaded with Sam to believe that you hadn’t cheated on Steve, he wouldn’t give in - he was completely convinced you had cheated on Steve. You weren’t surprised since you had grown so close with Thor after your break up. The only people who did believe you were Tony, Natasha and, of course, Thor. The others would harass you constantly while Steve would watch from aside, his deep blue eyes drilling into yours. But you never said a word to him.

The truth was, you still had feelings for him. Perhaps you even loved him. But you couldn’t tell anyone - you had no one to turn to. No one was close enough with you to either trust or feel comfortable with expressing these unwanted feelings to.

One night, when the team wouldn’t stop pestering you, Thor lost it and challenged anyone who would insult you or accuse you of anything again to a fight. Luckily, that shut everyone up and, for the remainder of the night, they left the issue unspoken any further.

When you and Thor returned to your room, that night, he started questioning you, interrogating you.

“Why don’t you talk to him? Yell at him? Do something?” he asked, his back facing you.

“Steve?” you asked, longing to avoid this conversation.

“Of course Steve!” Thor growled, turning to face you. His eyes were visibly glossy and your heart clenched. You didn’t want to hurt him. “Why do you sit there and let him feed the others with lies?”

“I-“ you faltered, not sure what to say.

Thor began to chuckle, lowly. “You’re not fooling anyone, Y/N. The fact that your not saying it makes me know it’s true,” he uttered.

“I don’t understand what you mean, Thor,” you lied.

“Don’t act innocent, Y/N, you know very well what I’m talking about,” he replied, another deep growl coming from his throat.

The two of you stood in silence, treasuring this unspoken moment. Holding it tightly.

Finally, Thor ripped it from your grasp: “You still love him, don’t you?”

At first you didn’t answer, opening your mouth and then closing it. Thor noticed this and chuckled again, this time his voice breaking.

“How-“ he started but paused to wipe his nose with a sniff, “how can you love a man that is so hateful towards you - so cruel - when you have me? Someone who loves you and who isn’t cruel, like he is.”

His words tugged at your heart strings. You stepped towards him and lay your hands on his shoulder.

“I love you Thor, I do. I just-it’s complicated with Steve. We have a long history together, y’know,” you smiled, sadly. “But I chose you. I love you.”

Thor reached up to hold your hands, pushing them off his shoulders. “But you love Steve more,” he muttered, pain apparent in his eyes.

“Thor, that’s not true-“ you stretched your hand up to cut his face but he brushed you off, walking past you.

“I don’t want to hear it, Y/N.”

“Where are you going?” Tears threatened to fall from your eyes now.

“I’m leaving. I don’t know where to but I have to have some time to myself. Just for a while,” he replied. A tear finally fell down your cheek. You couldn’t cope with losing him too.

“Please don’t go, Thor,” you pleaded.

After uttering those words, he said no more. Grabbing Mjölnir, he turned from you, opened the door and left without another glance.

But that was a month ago. You had, surprisingly, coped since then. You stuck by Tony and Natasha since they were the only people you had left.

Unsurprising, Thor’s departure caused you to undergo some more harassment from the team. But you were used to it by now, you weren’t fazed by it as much as before. After Thor left a part of you died - you realised just how lonely you were.

You didn’t know whether you and Thor weren’t together anymore or whether he just wanted some time temporarily apart but you didn’t want to take the risk and find someone else just to be called a cheater again.

One morning, while preparing yourself for the dreaded day ahead, a voice could be hear, making you jump slightly: “Miss Y/L/N, Mr Stark is requesting you join the meeting in the conference room, immediately,” came the voice of F.R.I.D.A.Y echoing through your empty room.

Leaving your room grudgingly, you decided to take the elevator down to the conference room. After pressing the button, you waited impatiently as you stared at the screen showing the elevator dropping further to your floor. 7, 6, 5...finally it stopped on your floor.

The metal doors slowly slid opened to reveal, to your dismay, Sam Wilson. Your ex-best friend. As his eyes met yours, he rolled them, over-dramatically, and exhaled a deep frustrated sigh.

You hesitantly advanced into the elevator, turning to press the button for floor 2, however it already lit up.

“Oh,” you mumbled, moving back next to him. “Tony called you too, huh?” you wondered.

“Yep.”

You nodded in response, sadness hitting you at his curtness. Sam would either harass you consistently or barely say a word to you - there was no in between. Being alone with him made you feel extremely uncomfortable; you never knew what to expect with him, he might turn on you at any moment.

The meeting hadn’t even begun and you yearned for it to be finished already; you expected the whole team would be there and you weren’t in the mood for harassment this morning.

The elevator dinged and the doors proceeded to open. Stepping out, you felt relief at not being in an enclosed space next to Sam. However, after walking down the corridor and into the conference room an even more uncomfortable feeling hung on you. Steve and Wanda stared straight through you, as soon as you entered, while Rhodey glanced between them and you, rubbing his temples. Vision sat next to Wanda, nodding at you and Sam.

“Where’s Tony?” you asked, uncomfortable, and moved next to the chair next to Rhodey.

Silence hung in the room as Steve and Wanda wouldn’t answer you. Sam walked on the opposite side of you, sitting beside Steve. At this, Rhodey spoke instead. “You know him, he likes to make an entrance. I’m sure he’ll be here soon, kid.”

You nodded, placing yourself next to him and spinning in the chair impatiently. You felt Steve, Wanda and Sam’s eyes on you which made your heart race and head spin; sickness filled your stomach at the anxiety of what would happen next. Rhodey noticed their glares and groaned.

“Guys, could you quit it for once with the torment you give her?! I understand you’re still angry but we’re a team so get your shit together and stop it from interfering from everyday life! God dammit,” he cursed, exhaling deeply.

Their expressions softened and took their eyes off you. You turned to Rhodey and gave him a thankful smile. Ever since Sam spread the rumour, Rhodey was undecided on whether it was true or not but he knew it wasn’t right for you to be pestered by half the team every day.

Seconds later, Tony and Natasha walked in, accompanied by a tall, older man. It took you a few seconds to recognise him as the Secretary of State.

“Good morning, team, we have a visit from a certain someone,” Tony raised his eyebrows, mockingly. “He’s here t-” he continued but the man cut him off.

“Thank you, Stark, but I’ll take it from here,” he interrupted, motioning for Tony and Natasha to take a seat. They did, reluctantly.

For the next half-hour the secretary explained that the United Nations, along with many other countries, wanted the Avengers to sign some accords that stated they couldn’t travel into foreign countries without their permission. You thought this was fair, after all it wasn’t your place to barge onto other people’s property but at the same time you were annoyed that they blamed you all for destruction when you actually prevented it. Would they rather their countries have some damage to repair or the whole world to be wiped from existence?

Despite that, you knew it wasn’t right to argue with dozens of countries. After the secretary finished explaining, Tony agreed to signing it, expecting everyone else to. However, Steve spoke against him and argued that it was a bad idea. Secretary Ross attempted to convince Steve that he was making the wrong decision but Steve wouldn’t give in and it appeared Wanda and Sam wouldn’t either.

Later that day, after the Ross left, the team sat around the main room and discussed the accords.

“How can you sign that thing, Tony? You know it’s a bad idea. We saved all those people from more destruction!” Steve argued.

“As true as that is, Cap, we can’t go against the wishes of all those countries. I understand where you’re coming from bu-”

“If you understand us then you won’t sign those accords,” Sam inputted, crossing his arms against his chest.

“Do you hear yourselves? You’re so egotistical that you don’t listen to what all those governments have to say?” Rhodey sighed, shaking his head.

“I prefer to not stand around and watch those countries become overrun with operations like Hydra,” Sam eyed him up, judgingly.

“If you had signed the accords before Ultron, I wouldn’t have been saved. The world wouldn’t have been saved,” Wanda agreed.

“It’s not that we can’t go into those countries anymore and save them - just that we need permission first,” you spoke up, cautiously. “It seems fair to me.”

“Oh, you think something’s fair?” Sam chuckled but suddenly turned serious. “You think we give a shit what you think is fair?”

Steve laughed at his words, sending you a satisfied smirk. You shot a hard glare his way.

“We’re going a little off topic here, Wilson,” Tony warned.

“So what? It’s about time we brought it up again - don’t you think, Steve?” Sam glanced over at him.

Steve shrugged, “doesn’t look like she can handle much more of it,” he smirked. “She could snap at any moment, is that right, doll?” His mocking behaviour towards you made your stomach churn. You prayed that your mix of anger and embarrassment wasn’t evident. Sadly, the trio easily noticed the flushed colour of your cheeks.

“Oh, is someone embarrassed?” Steve sneered, causing you to blush harder.

“Where’s Thor to save you now, huh?” Sam chuckled. His words sent a knife to your heart.

“Should have thought about the consequences before you became a slut,” Wanda giggled.

“That’s enough!” Natasha spoke up. “I’m sick to death of you three harassing Y/N. This needs to stop if we’re gonna work together to figure this out as a team.”

“It doesn’t seem like we can be a team anymore,” Steve furrowed his eyebrows. “Unless you refuse to sign.”

“Sorry, Rogers, but we are signing. You are too, you have to,” Tony interjected.

“Please, Steve,” Natasha softened her voice. “Like Y/N said, we’re not getting banned from entering those countries - we’re only asking for permission before entering. It’s only one more step.”

“It’s one more step which could determine life or death!” he argued. “I can’t sign it, you know I can’t.”

Silence filled the room. No one could agree and so no one wished to say another word on the subject.

Tony exhaled, deeply. “Fine. We’ll talk about this tomorrow. It’s getting late and I don’t want to discuss this anymore.” With that, the matter was left unspoken for the remainder of the night. Unfortunately, the team never did never did agree to sign the accords and the Avengers split, breaking off into, what the world saw as, war criminals while the other half were left supervised by the United Nations at all times.

It’s been two years since the civil war. Two years since Steve left. Two years since you had seen him. For the past two years, you had stayed with Tony and Nat, wishing for Steve, wishing for Thor. Wishing for things you can’t have. And now, as you stood on the bloody fields of Wakanda, death approaching at any moment, they were all you could think about.

You had been fighting for hours now. You didn’t know where her teammates were. You didn’t know who was winning this bloody, brutal battle. You didn’t know anything other than the power in your veins and the fierce flame in your heart that refused to be put out. Enemy after enemy went down by your hand, yet it was still not enough.

Suddenly, a flash of lightning flashed down from the heavens, illuminating the sky. Thor. He came back. You could barely hold back your sobs of joy as you raced to where the flash had appeared. However, there were too many enemies blocking your way, and before you had the chance to look for blonde hair and a red cape, blood and death swallowed you again.

Along with the other Avengers, you rushed into the forest. Your heart broke when you saw Steve, the man you loved, on the ground. Deadly bits of purple energy surrounded you as you launched yourself at the Mad Titan. You were strong. One of the most powerful Avengers, however, you were drained from the long battle, and it wasn’t long before you got tired. You missed a step, than another, and you felt your powers begin to flicker as Thanos advanced on you. You saw his sword coming, but you were still too late as it caught you in the gut, making you double over. Thanos grabbed your shoulder and tossed you like a rag doll into a pile of rocks. You could feel the vibration in your bones as you landed, struggling not to black out.

You watched in desperation as Thanos retrieved the glittering Mind Stone from Vision’s body, pushing Wanda aside as he completed his gauntlet.

Through your ringing ears, you heard a roar. Wait a minute, you knew that voice. Thor’s voice. “What have you done to her!?” He demanded, eyes sparkling when he saw your sprawled figure. “Nothing she didn’t deserve.” Replied Thanos. A bolt of lightning hit him and he stumbled backwards as Thor advanced on him. With a yell of rage, Thor embedded the axe in Thanos’ chest.

Thor slowly drove the blade in, wanting Thanos to feel every single bit of the same pain he had cause so many nations. “How does it feel now?” Snarled out Thor. His blood dripping onto the handle of the axe, Thanos raised his gauntlet covered hand.

“You should have gone for the head.” And than he snapped.

Bucky was the first to go, fading away as he turned to dust and you couldn’t watch as Steve rushed to where he was, clutching at the ashes that had already begun to scatter. Rhodey yelled Sam’s name, and you saw him fall to the ground as he too faded away. You heard Rocket cry out “no Groot no!” And turned to see Groot disappear as Rocket reached for him. Next to you, Okyoe watched in muted horror as T’Challa reached for her before turning to ash. Wanda was the only one who smiled when she left, knowing that she’ll join the love of her life, Vision, in the afterlife.

The numbness began in your chest and you could feel it slowly starting to spread throughout your body. You held up your hands, and you could see the edges of your fingertips become blurry. Thor let a choked sob, rushing to your side. “N-no! Not you, NOT YOU!”

You look at his handsome, bloodied face. “Shh... Thor, it’s alright.”

Thor’s tears dripped onto your face, mixing with your own tears as they dripped down your tears. “I love you.” He whispered.

You look beyond his shoulder and met Steve’s beautiful blue eyes, which were filled with tears and pure agony. “I love you too.” You say.

As you fade away, you swear you saw him mouth it back.

5 years later...

You woke up in the grassy fields of Wakanda, straining your eyes against the bright sun. Slowly, you sat up, groaning at the dull ache that was everywhere in your body. What the hell happened?

Across the clearing, you see Bucky attempting to stand, almost falling over onto Sam, who was still sprawled facedown in the dirt. “Watch where you’re going, you moron.” Groaned out Sam. Behind you, you hear a squawk of outrage. “I am Groot!” You turn and see Groot, untangling himself from a pile of branches. Next to you, T’Challa and Wanda slowly sat up, surveying their surroundings.

Slowly, your eyes met each others.

“What the fu-“ began Bucky.

Suddenly, a portal appeared in the middle of the clearing and Dr. Strange emerged. “What are you-“ “No time to explain. Come with me. NOW.” Interrupted Steven. He grabbed all of you and dragged you into the portal, and we emerged in the ruins of what used to be the Avengers Compound.

You were torn out of your devastated thoughts by a voice calling your name. “Y/N! Y/N!”

You turn and see Peter coming out of another portal, stumbling towards you on unsteady legs. “Peter!” You ran to him, meeting him halfway as he enveloped you in a hug. “T-thank god you’re here Y/N. I don’t know these other people very well.” You smiled, ruffling his hair before turning back to he compound. Before you was a sight that made both pride and terror swell in your chest. Steve Rogers was standing in the middle of the field, facing down the entirety of Thanos’ army.

Around you, more and more portals opened, revealing humans and aliens alike. All here to destroy Thanos. With the other Avengers, you formed a line besides Steve. The line between good and evil. The line between life and death.

“Avengers.” This was your life, your family, and you’ll fight for it. “Assemble!”

You fought for what feels like hours, only stopping to embrace a friend. Tony cried when he saw you, holding you in his arms. You saw in his eyes that there was something he wanted to tell you, but there was no time.

You were almost overpowered by one of Thanos’ monsters when all of the sudden, your opponent just vanished. You looked around in confusion as Thanos’ soldiers all faded to ash.

Your joy faded when you saw Tony’s slumped figure leaning against what used to be the compound walls. You rushed to him, everyone else moving aside for you. They know how much you meant to him. “Oh Tony...” you whispered, trying to hold in the sob in your chest. A red eyed Peter moved away from Tony. “Hey pretty girl.” He whispered, repeating the words he had said when he first met you. “Hey yourself mister.” You responded, letting out a sound that was something between a laugh and a sob. “Guess what?” He asked. “What?” With a pained grin, he said “I have a daughter.” Your red rimmed eyes went wide and you turned to look at Pepper. “A-a daughter?” “Her name is Morgan. And she’s gonna be so happy to finally meet her big sister.” Said Tony, the smile fading from his face.

“I’m sorry. For not protecting you better. For letting them say all that shit about you.” Tears were flowing freely down your face now. “None of it is your fault.” You whisper, voice as brittle as a newborn’s bones. “Thank you... for being like a father to me.” Tony gave you a soft smile that you had never seen before. He looked at Rhodey and grabbed his pal’s hand. “Take care of my girls.”

You moved aside for Pepper, who moved forward to grab her husband’s hands. You take a step back and Peter reaches for your hand. You turn around, unable to watch as Tony and Pepper whispered between themselves. A few seconds of silence followed and Pepper let out the whimper she had been holding in. He was gone. Unable to watch as they moved his body, you ran and collided with a pair of warm arms. You looked up and were greeted with a pair of lightning blue eyes.

“Y-Y/N?” He asked, voice hoarse. You didn’t have time to answer as he gathered you into his chest. He felt comfortable, familiar. He smelled like blood and sweat and the lilac soap you had gotten him because his mother had loved it. He felt softer than you had remembered. He felt like home.

As Thor lifted you up and carried you off the battlefield, you didn’t see the other pair of tear-filled blue eyes staring at your back. Or the other heart that you had just crushed in your hands.

Steve watched as Thor carried you away. He had wanted to run to you, to swallow you in his arms, to kiss you until your lips were swollen. He had missed you so, so much and during the last 5 years, he had finally realized how much he loved you. How much he needed you. But now, looking at your peaceful face, he realized that you didn’t feel the same anymore. He lost you, and there was only one way to get you back.

Steve stood on the raised platform, suited up and carrying a briefcase with the 6 stones inside. “Where to first?” Asked Bruce. “Stark Tower, 2015.” Responded Steve before being sucked into the void.

Steve landed near the building he had once lived in, walking inside the familiar lobby and getting into the elevator. He punched in the 8th floor. His favorite floor in the tower. His and Y/N’s floor.

As he got off the elevator, he could hear yelling coming from their room. He was about to go punch the daylights out of the guy who dared to yell at his girl when he froze. It was his voice. “You will never be like Peggy!” He heard himself say. It was true, Y/N isn’t like Peggy. She’s better. Fierce but gentle at the same time. Beautiful, so so beautiful, and she doesn’t even know it.

Steve’s thought were interrupted by a figure rushing by him to get to the elevator. Y/N. The elevator closed before Steve had time to gather his thoughts, but he knew where she was going. Her old room.

Steve took the stairs down to the 6th floor, where your old room was. The second that he stepped foot in the brightly lit hallway, he was overcome with memories. This was the place where he had realized that he loved you. Slowly, he walked up to your door and gave a simple knock. You flung the door open and anger flared again in your eyes as you saw him. You opened your mouth to yell but it was already too late.

Steve’s lips collide with yours, full of the want and the lust that had brewed in him over the last 7 years. You tried to struggle feebly, but he could feel you melting in his hands. It had been so long. So long since he last touched you, held you. So long since you had been his.

He pushed you back until your back was against the wall. You were trapped. You stared into his dark eyes, so different from the Steve you knew. “Y-you’re not the Steve I know, are you?”

Steve let out a dark chuckle. “Does it matter, babygirl?” You shivered as you heard the nickname fall from his lips. It had been so long since he called you that.

Steve planted his hand on your throat, squeezing until you were breathing heavily. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this.” He growled, and latched himself to your neck. He hovered over the spot where your neck connects with your shoulder, biting down until you felt something wet drip down on your neck.

Steve lifted his head, the look in his eyes making your knees weak. He swallowed you in another kiss and you could taste your blood, slick and irony, on his lips.

“Strip.”

“Steve-“ you began. “That wasn’t a question. Now, strip.”

You decided to make him pay for making you wait.

“No.” You say with a cheeky smile.

With one movement, your wrists were secured above your head. “What did you say?” Steve whispered, eyes darkening to the color of storm clouds.

“N-no.” You tried to keep the flush off your cheeks, but you could already feel the heat between your thighs.

As if he could read your mind, Steve lifted your skirt and rested a hand between your thighs, stroking your clit through your panties. You bit back a moan, but Steve knew.

“Do you want this?” He asked.

You shook your head, unable to speak.

“Then why.” Without warning, his hand dipped under your already ruined panties to stroke your folds. “Are you so fucking wet?”

You couldn’t hold back your moans this time, and a whimper left your throat as Steve stroke slowly. So, so slowly.

Steve felt a smug grin spread across his face at the sound of your small noise. He slipped his hand out and slammed you against the wall. “Now strip.”

“Y-yes sir.” You say. Slowly, you unbuttoned the dress you wore for him, revealing his favorite red bra. Slowly, you lifted your eyes to meet his, and the desire you saw made shivers run down your spine.

“Come here.” He gestured for you to crawl to where he sat on the bed and slowly, you got down on your knees and moved towards the bed. You kneeled at his feet, awaiting further instructions. Steve cupped your cheek and you couldn’t help but nestle into him. He yanked you up by your hair and you gasped, savoring the pain. He unbuckled your bra, tossing it aside as he reached to tear of your panties.

“Get on the bed and spread your legs.” He demanded, and you immediately complied. Laying on the bed, naked and spread wide open for his eyes to explore, you realized how vulnerable, how totally at his mercy you were.

Steve moved to your dresser, pulling out one of his old ties and your eyes widened as you started trembling. He climbed back on the bed, grabbing your wrists and tying them to the headboard. “Tonight, you do what I say, when I say it. Understood kitten?”

Still trying to fight his dominance, you remained silent until you felt a slap land on your pussy. “Do. You. Understand?” Growled Steve.

“Y-yes sir!” You answer, letting out a yelp as another slap landed. Steve let out a dark chuckle. “Good girl.”

His fingers start tracing your lips. “I’ve missed them.” He whispers. “And these.” Running his hands down your chest to pinch your peaked nipples. Moans were coming out of you freely now, and they increased in volume as his hands massaged your sensitive breasts.

Finally, Steve moved down to sit between your legs. He blew hot hair across your glistening cunt, and you bucked your hips, trying to get him to touch you. “Not so fast babygirl.” He says. “You have to ask nicely.”

You let out a whimper as he ran a finger across your folds before putting the finger into his mouth. “P-please Steve.” You beg, not caring anymore at this point.

“Please Steve what?” He smirks. Knowing that he’s got you where he wants you. “Fuck me. Claim me. Destroy me.” You almost scream out. Steve unbuckled his pants, his hand stroking his length as he positioned himself at your entrance. “See? Good things happen when you obey me kitten.”

You didn’t have time to respond before his length was sinking into you. You had forgot how big he was, how good he felt inside you. By the time he was fully sated in you, you were already seeing stars. Moans and grunts filled the air, as he slammed into you again and again.

“Look at me.” Growled out Steve. “I want to see everything you have when I’m inside you. Don’t ever shut me out.” Your eyes flew open, finding his liquid blue ones immediately.

Your hands went flat against the mattress as he withdrew and thrust forward again and again. This is what you’ve wanted for so long, Steve on top of you, inside you, having absolute power over you. The steady rhythm he set sending waves of pleasure through your body. Your body was taut, so close to the edge.

“Please Steve, may I cum?” You moaned out. “You don’t cum till I tell you to.“ he said with a slap to your ass. He spread you even wider and pounded into you again and you let out a pathetic whimper. “Steve, p-please!”

“Say my name kitten. Who do you belong to?” Steve demanded. He spread you even wider and pounded into you again and you let out a pathetic whimper. “Steve, p-please!”

“Say my name kitten. Who do you belong to?” Steve demanded. “You.” You scream out. “You, Steve. Only you.”

Satisfaction blazed in Steve’s eyes. “That’s right baby. Mine.” He slipped his hand between you thighs, stroking your clit as he continued to thrust into you.

“Come.” He growled out. “Give it to me Y/N.”

You let out a sharp cry as your orgasm flashed, explosive and so, so intense. Steve’s eyes glittered as you writhed underneath him and he went taut against you. You went wild around him as he spilled into you and both of you let out a groan as you rode out your orgasms.

Lowering himself to lie besides you, he pressed a kiss to your neck and whispered. “You’re mine. Now and forever.”

#inthedark #dark!fic #dark!steve rogers #steve rogers x reader

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aurorxbanks · 4 years ago

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hello my friends !!! it is i, chelly, once again to throw my babie at you all :~) i hope y’all will love miss aurora just as much as i do, bc she holds a special place in my heart and i’m really excited to have her here! i think she’s gonna adore all of y’alls muses so :~) please don’t be shy, hit me up, i’ll be around in an inbox near you soon too to plot and chat! okay, before i ramble too too much, here is her way too long bio. love youuu

* : ･ﾟ･✧･ meet aurora marlowe banks ･✧･ﾟ･ : *

tw: ptsd, trauma, construction accident, panic attacks, hospitals

TL:DR: oof, i struggle with coming up with a too long, don’t read for miss aurora BUT at her core, she’s just this sweet child who grew up in a really close family in maine. the banks got thrown for quite the loop after her father suffered from a massive accident, leading to many medical complications and hardship for her family. she suffers from pstd and panic attacks as a result, but she’s been blessed with a strong support system too and she manages well enough, all things considered. at the hotel, she’s a vet tech and is in her final year of becoming a veterinarian at the university of illinois - chicago. so naturally, a huge animal lover but food is also her love language and those of her two favorite ways to bond with new people. she’s timid and shy, a little naive and gullible, but a truly amazing friend and someone who loves and cares with her entire being. a good little egg and i hope y’all will love her as much as i do.

wanted connects: bc i don’t want them to get lost in the novel abys ... i’d love for her to have some vet pals, or rlly just pals who work in the pet daycare with her! if you’re a fellow cook, she’s going to ask you what your favorite recipes are with a pen and pad in hand so ... get ready for that one! she’d love a running buddy, or someone who’d spur of the moment sign up with her for marathons and such so like, bring them on, she’s an early riser so will motivate you to go train with her at 6 am - you have been warned! she’s only ever been with a few people in her life sexually and romantically, but she is very very bisexual so having an ex partner or a once upon a time crush/unrequited love could be hella !!! oof i cannot see aurora hating anyone, but something of a frenemies situation could be angsty and fun. they first met bc aurora almost ran them over while she was rollerblading and changing her song so the phrase ‘don’t text and skate’ came to exist askdf i’ve also got it in my head that her sister natalie’s fc is alycia debnam carey and her sister winifred’s fc is katherine/josephine langford so ... okay i’m just going on and on here huh okay i’ll shut up

now, onto the WAY too long biography i wrote for her ... but here we go :~)

tw: ptsd, trauma, construction accident, panic attacks, hospitals

*:･ﾟ･✧･ who am i?: the coastal town of kennebunkport maine, tucked into the southern half of the state, was what aurora called home for most of her life. it’s a tiny little town with a population just under four thousand people, but it was during the summers that the area would come to life. her father, artie, was an architect per his degree but was a contractor by trade so he was constantly finding work to further develop what was becoming more and more of a tourist attraction each summer. so he had gotten to know the people in the town well, was often working construction jobs as he had a relatively small crew, and that meant aurora and her mother emilia were always out and about. whether they were bringing artie a bagged lunch on his break, or going down by the shore to collect sea shells even if it was the winter season, they’d become quickly and easily acquainted with everyone. and aurora wasn’t their first daughter, either, she has two older sisters: natalie and winifred aka natty and winnie. both of whom are named after their grandmothers, but winifred will tell you she got the short stick but thank god for hocus pocus because winnie is far cuter. anyways. so for the three little ducklings to be following their mama emilia, the town knew the banks family well and they were very well liked. they spent a lot of time on the beach as soon as the weather was warm enough, but they also liked driving the rv out onto the sand when it was too cold, too. they’d wear gloves and bundle up and the big fluffy german shepherd named scout would frolic along with the girls chasing after him, too. aurora spent just as much time chasing after her two older sisters, too, just wanting to keep up with them whether it be in school, or at home, or wherever. artie and emilia were high school sweethearts, moving to kennebunkport after they got married, and they were just exceptionally close and in love, maintaining their family wasn’t difficult. aurora was always a little quieter than her sisters, shier and slower to jump into conversation about whatever book she was reading or joining in on the chalk drawing all over the sidewalks with the neighbors, but she was every bit as present as her sisters were, too. it was truly a community, and one that aurora didn’t ever realize that she was going to be needing as desperately as she did after the accident.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ a new reality: when she was ten, her father was in a massive accident on one of his worksites as he was building a new beach house on a newly developed property. which was more of a mansion, truly, and the landscaping was still being mulled over. it left for some interesting scaffolding, even fault in some spots, and it was one wrong step that left her father falling a few floors down onto a bed of hard gravel below. as a result, he was in the hospital for the better part of a year as he suffered from a severe head injury as well as a broken back that took too long to heal as he was especially susceptible to complications given his type one diabetes rendering him immunocompromised. needless to say, aurora and her family spent a lot of time in the hospital during that beyond difficult year. emilia, the champion mama that she is, kept it together as best she could but the banks were truly a broken family. what they were going through, the way in which three young girls were being tested, and the medical bills that stacked up quickly … it was honestly a miracle that they had any sort of sanity at all. as a sort of escape, aurora spent a lot of time in the children’s unit of the hospital, because she tried making friends with some of the other kids her age ( since being around her sisters all of the time was also difficult for her ). she was there often enough, and they’d play tag when the nurses weren’t looking, and would eat in the caf together on the good days, and there were a lot of wholesome memories that aurora got to make when she wasn’t by her dad’s side. there was, however, the heartbreaking nights where a nurse would stop by and take aurora aside, tell her that one of her friends at the hospital had passed, and it was never news that she stomached well. of course, how could any kid? but aurora feels everything, all of her emotions, with her entire being. a lot of it just became too much all at once, and that’s when her panic attacks began. when it all became too heavy, in the stark white halls of the hospital wings, aurora would find herself curled up in herself barely able to breathe let alone think … the nurses, the doctors, they were incredible of course, but truly it was being surrounded by her family once more that allowed for little aurora to center herself again.

it was a little over a month before artie came out of his coma, and it was an even longer and slower recovery than was expected. seeing her father in the hospital bed, unresponsive, unsure if she would ever get to talk to him or sit in his lap as he read her a story, wondering if he was going to get to see her play soccer in the fall on the a team … for a young kid, it was a lot. it was a lot of trauma for a long time. but artie did wake up, which was a miracle in his own right truthfully, but so was his recovery. it was a long ten months of intensive rehabilitation, repeated fMRIs, and pitfalls but god was it a well-needed moral boost for the banks family. and even though there was still so much work to be done toward artie’s full recovery, if there was to be one, at least he was alive. at least aurora still had her daddy, and that made all the difference. as head injuries can be difficult, and unpredictable, it was uncertain what brain functioning and part of his brain would be affected fully. and as aurora had come to find, her father’s personality, the frontal lobe? he was still that very same person she had known her entire life, and emilia wholeheartedly agreed. the main differences came from his body, as he couldn’t move in the same ways anymore, he had to essentially re-learn how to sit up, stand, walk, but he did. in conversation, the recall on certain words, phrases, experiences .. it comes and goes, some things are there and others need a hefty amount of prompting, but the banks will live with that over the alternative every day of the week. it’s been nearly ten years since, and artie has come such a long way. no longer working on-sight anymore, he still works alongside his partner in their architecture consulting business. so to put it lightly, the recovery was better than even the doctors had come to expect. but the trauma, well that has always lingered with aurora. all that she had seen, had heard, the beeping of the monitors that her father was hooked up to, the sterile scent of the sheets that would replace the bed her friends in the pediatric ward occupied … it still haunts her. every night before bed, and every morning when she’d wake, she’d have to make sure her parents were still there, alive, breathing, able to respond to her when she’d reach for their hand. if mama was napping and aurora couldn’t hear that faint snore, she’d have to check on her. if dad fell asleep at his desk from exhaustion, she’d poke him awake with a few tears in her eyes. and even if it’s been ten years, it’s still something she’s likely to do with whoever she’s living with. luckily, when the time came, her college roommate understood.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ years to come: just to make it through the recovery year, and the rehabilitation years that followed, aurora leaned heavily on her sisters. they were three little peas in a pod and aurora’s never been closer with anyone else in her life and she never will be. they were, and for the most part still are, iseparable. they’ve got a groupchat that’s active at any hour of the day, has been for the past decade, hell even before unlimited texting they were on aim - and aurora wouldn’t have it any other way honestly. the only reason she did decently in school is because of her sisters’ influence, as they’re a few years her senior. they always kept aurora in the right spirits, along the right path, and a lot of that probably came from emilia’s request but aurora didn’t mind. she wasn’t ever looked at as the annoying little sister, but as an equal, and she truly appreciated that and them more than she could ever express. their bond is unbreakable, and it’s been tested time and time again, but it’s where aurora’s strong sense of loyalty comes from. it’s also a huge contributor to her endless ability to care for others. which, that particular trait has been responsible in getting her heart broken on more than one occasion, as aurora was the type to fall hard and fast especially when it came to any beautiful person glancing her way in the halls. but again, she had her sisters to protect her, to nurture any broken hearts or help mend any rocky friendships that teenage girls can have. if she ever accidentally hurt someone else, or if she was the one who got crushed, that ability to feel every little thing with her entire being would do a number on her, but natty and winnie were always right by her side. artie and emilia give the world’s best hugs, and always know when something’s up with their daughter. it allowed for aurora to grow, to express herself fully, to feel accepted despite her niuances. she’s found it difficult at times to connect with people her own age considering her mature experiences, but she’s done her best and the people who truly care for her have remained, and others have faded into the background, and that’s okay. aurora knows that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever, but those who are, are held closely to her heart.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ onward: it was a difficult enough decision for aurora to venture out beyond her small town in maine for the big city .. truth be told, she likely wouldn’t have if it weren’t for winnie having made the move first. natty, the eldest, attended colby college in order to stay close to the family and for awhile there, aurora likely dreamt of doing the very same. but winnie was offered decent aid northwestern university, and she really wanted the opportunity to branch out and get out of the small corner of the work that the banks had been occupying for so many years. and while aurora and natty were a little heartbroken, that only lasted for a few weeks, before they got on the same page as their very supportive parents and knew that it was going to be one of he best things for winnie. and for the last two years of her high school experience, without her sisters being in the same building or the same house, aurora started to grow more on her own. she liked being able to make the roadtrip with natty to visit winnie on the weekends, to see what life was like outside of their hometown. illinois was exciting, and chicago was rich in diversity, and it greatly attracted all three of them. aurora especially, and she was constantly in her guidance office discussing the different colleges in the area and degrees she could be going after. she was a particularly good student, got a lot of tutelage from her support system, and the sciences were her favorite. she even made her parents buy her a special set of goggles for her chem lab and yes, she got made fun of for it, but aurora didn’t care. the concept of medicine was attractive to her, considering all she had been through and where her interests led her, but she couldn’t bring herself to envisioning MD at the end of her title … working alongside a human population, it just felt a little too overwhelming for her, perhaps even triggering, but she still felt that pull. and her guidance counselor knew that, also knew how often aurora volunteered at the local animal shelters and fostered as many as she could ( or rather, as many as her parents would allow ) so the topic of veterinary school came up, as did the university of chicago and their program offerings … and honestly, it was like overnight, aurora had made her decision.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ decision day: just shy of her eighteenth birthday and aurora was already enrolled and committed to attend the college of veterinary medicine and the school of public health at the university of illinois-chicago. it’s a five year program that she’s just about ready to finish, with only her clinical hours to go, before she can officially call herself a vet. and it was just last summer that she finished her vet technician credentials to be able to practice as a vet tech legally and outside of the scope of the college’s intern hour requirements, which is how she got herself a free place to live at the malnati. because while aurora loves her school, she’s always had a tough enough time fitting in with classmates who are her age, with kids who just wanted to goof off and fuck around. because aurora’s never been that girl. she’s quiet, timid even, and it takes her awhile to warm up to people - especially new people. she got to live in her little slice of the world in maine where her family were her biggest supporters and the rest of the two just knew her. aurora rarely had to introduce herself to anyone, ever. so it was a whirlwind of a new experience, and she was lucky to have winnie in reasonable driving distance, but it still made it difficult for aurora. the party scene was never hers, in fact being in large groups of people can occasionally overwhelm her, so she tested it out a few times before deciding that it wasn’t gonna be for her. she didn't like how her panic attacks seemed to get worse if she was around far too many intoxicated people, so she decided against them for herself personally. aurora much prefers the, let’s go get sushi and then roam around the art gallery, type of weekends. so needless to say, she stuck to the few good friends in her program, some outside of it too, and just lived. she would run 5ks to support local causes, attend street markets and festivals on the weekends, run around hopping from one train to the next to get to work and then back onto campus so she could afford everything. but in her last year, it’ll be more than nice to have the malnati as it’s one less bill and one stable job to maintain on her resume while she completes her degree.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ love languages: which - that honorable sushi mention up there? well, food is one of aurora’s love languages. once her dad was able to come home, the girls became avid chefs. emilia was always a good cook, but more than that she taught the girls all kinds of recipes and techniques and it just created this type of burning, lasting memory in aurora’s mind and honestly being in the kitchen is just her second happy place. the first? well anywhere she can be surrounded by animals - that’s her first happy place. because she’s the biggest animal lover, but she’s also a huge foodie. she doesn’t cook as much as she used to being in chicago, as she did back home in maine, but with the suites having pretty incredible appliances considering the size, she’s excited to get back into it. handwritten recipe cards fill a few binders that she’s put together, and nothing makes aurora feel more at home than her dad’s handwriting, cause he’d scrawl down whatever emilia would tell him to as she was cooking, and it’s just a little shaky from the brain injury but it’s perfect. it’s him. it’s her dad’s. and she really loves the little hearts that’re on every card that her mom would add at the end, so she’s excited to start using them again. which means that she will feed you, she will share tupperware and accept new recipe cards with a lot of excitement. but also now, getting to live in a place where she is able to take care of all these beautiful pets in such a glamorous daycare? well, aurora’s somewhere between heaven and heaven - cause she’s got this big heart that’s filled with floof balls, and gorgeous birds, and reptiles with textured skin - and don’t get her started on the cutest ferret that one of the guests has lodged at the daycare for weeks and she cannot get enough of. so she’s fully ready to make just about any excuse to show up and hang out with you and your pets, because she vehemently loves quality time and as this also being one of her love languages, she can never get enough.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ four wheels, two legs, a paintbrush: but amongst other things that aurora enjoys? she’s a big rollerblader, like actually owns inline skates and will use them to get around chicago if she pleases and 100% takes those very aesthetic tiktoks wearing her bellbottom jeans and hair all blown out … it’s one of the very few instances of aurora being vain, but she just enjoys it too much. very much into running, it’s the only other form of exercise she willingly participates in ( unless it’s swimming because of course she loves to do that ) and she swears one of these days her knees are gonna be the end of her but she keeps up with it anyways. she signs up for 5k’s without question and half marathons take a few extra moments of consideration but she’ll do those too - she’s determined to do her first marathon soon and she’s really looking forward to it. she’s also not very good at it, but she loves to paint. she’s gotten a lot of those ‘paint by number’ watercolors that she saw ads for on instagram for way too long before finally placing an order but she really loves those. she’s got a vintage polaroid camera from her grandmother’s closet that she is very protective over but she’s highkey in love with it. that one stays in its case in the trunk at the end of her bed, but she’s gotten a less sentimental polaroid to use as more of a decor piece on her dresser. and literally no one is surprised at this point, but she’s got a record player and a bunch of vinyls from her dad’s collection and her sisters make fun of her for being 'that bitch’ but she doesn’t care - it’s just all a part of what makes aurora authentically herself.

*:･ﾟ･✧･ empath: of which, she’s exceptionally kind. to a fault, mostly. she’s gullible and naive, which caused her to be manipulated growing up but she had support to get her out of those situations when she needed it. because aurora is trusting, and trustworthy, but she mostly wants to see the good in other people. but she’s also learned from the moments in her life that burned her, and she tends to keep to herself a bit, and is very slow on the open up, but she liked to have friends. very much a social person, actually, she’s just gotta get used to the new and exciting and feel people out before she’s her most honest self. which is a bit of a goofy, smiley, supportive gal who very clearly grew up in a tight knit family because she’s quick to pull people into her circle who want to be there, and who care enough about her to be there in the first place. her favorite people are good people, and all she ever tries to do is her best. once she’s open to someone, she’s with them 100% of the way and holds the people in her life very close to her heart. she feels with her entire heart and soul, whole body, and sometimes that can be emotionally exhausting and even physically draining so she may need to step back from time to time, but she’s still always gonna be there. aurora will talk through emotions and isn’t afraid of having the deep talks either, which is probably one of the things that makes her such a good friend. being in chicago, she’s a wide eyed gal with a big heart, whose experiences have shaped her, and she is unapologetically herself.

#malnatiooc #+ ( introduction * . )#i'm BACK

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papa-1-rights-activist · 5 years ago

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Could you tell us some things about your characters?

thank you so much for this ask :D sorry for such a late response, but ngl i got very excited and started writing shit down as soon as i saw it, but then it turned into an entire essay and i had to cut down a ton of stuff until i decided to write it in a list of some sort kjhgkjfgkfg

currently i have like 11 fan characters in total so i will start with 4 to not infodump too much at a time

and i’ll admit that literally all of these guys were made for shipping purposes, but they all have different personalities and dynamics with canon characters. i’m such a sucker for writing couples, so many things to explore, that’s like my favourite thing ;w;

it got very long so imma put it under the cut \o/ (hopefully it works bc tumblr has been pretty unpredictable lately)

sorry if it’s probably way more than just “some things” but i couldn’t help it, i just love these guys so much and i don’t get to talk about them often u v u

e n j o y ~

imma start with the one you guys are more familiar with

Lucas

one of the cardinals in Ghost’s church

Mexican

in his late 40s (like 46-47)

hardworking, ambitious

pretty composed

huge „your teacher from english class who’s also a dad” energies

his character can be summed up to, as someone has said, „he’d kindly but sternly correct your shitty posture”

currently takes the 3rd place of most „best employee of the month” awards (Copia is 4th at that time)

he and Copia start off as rivals for the 2nd place (bc no one can beat whoever is the 1st)

but wouldn’t you guessed it, they end up dating

Lucas has a fair collection of various rodents, including rats. Actually, he’s the one who infected Copia with love for them. Luc prefers ferrets (that’s a rodent right kjhfgkjgh)

he doesn’t really get angry, but when he does he really goes off

he writes poetry, which is actually very, very bad, but Copia loves it to bits which makes Luc feel validated to write more

because his language is so similar to italian, Lucas can implement a lot of spanish into his conversations with Copia, while the other will reply in italian and they will still understand each other (ofc there are some exceptions that result in miscommunication, but that just makes it all more fun)

Copia shared with him that he’s writing music for his album (even tho he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone) and Lucas was more than happy to help him in the process…which was mostly moral support and a few suggestions.

he loves calling Copia “cariño”, “mi amorcito”, “mi alegría” and other cute names in spanish

once Lucas mentioned he used to play flute and Copia immediately decided to include a flute solo in one of his songs, so Luc could play it. Unfortunately things didn’t go as he planned and he had to change it to sax solo

The thing about Lucas is that Imperator sees him as a threat. She’s been plotting with Copia to get him to papacy for a long time, but in the end she isn’t the one who decides who will be in charge, so Copia has to work hard to deserve it. He was already a hard worker, but unfortunately Lucas works harder. It creates this dillema for Copia, bc on one hand he does want to become Papa and in order to do that he has to get rid off competition. But on the other he loves Lucas and he wants what’s best for him.

(i’ll probably post the pic above in a separate post with other doodles, i just wanted to show sth new and relevant)

Elise & Greg

Imma put these two together bc it’s impossible to talk about one without the other.

they work together in a company that takes art commisions such as paintings & murals and their restorations. They’re both pretty skilled in those departments, except Elise specialises in art restoration while Greg specialises in murals and frescos. And ofc one day they’re hired by the church.

they’re both pretty good at painting (but the thing about restoration is that you don’t have to be a great artist to do that, it has more to do with chemistry tbh)

They live together and have been very good friends for a few years now

they both went through some traumatic events in their lives, but maybe i’ll leave that part for another day (or i’ll leave it in my fanfic they’re from that i need to finish ;w;)

they’re very supportive of each other, but also they like to mess with one another

their chat is filled with horny texts about other people

Elise

34 years old

British

a bit awkward, tends to stutter when nervous

very sweet overall, feels the need to be everyone’s therapist

autistic, which shows mostly through her sensitivity to certain textures

hates onions (bc the texture is awful)

gets very emotional very quickly when she sees cute animals. She will use her baby talk to speak with them (which is sth that Copia does too with his rats and once he catches her doing that as well, he feels less embarrased about it)

Cirrus was the first one from the church to actually talk to her and show her around, making her feel a bit more welcome in an unfamiliar place

she talks through her sleep. A lot. Copia finds it very amusing…and adorable.

she discovers that Papa III has fallen hard for her friend way before he himself realises that, but then she’s also the kind of person to not see her own feelings for someone

she finds working on restoration quite relaxing. It’s sth she can fixate over and do for hours (even tho it’s not recommended)

a bit of a workaholic

another thing she finds relaxing is sitting in a corner somewhere warm and doodling people she sees around the abbey (mostly those she finds attractive lol so mostly Cirrus and Copia)

eventually ends up with Copia and Cirrus in a poly relationship

she also finds Cumulus cute, but the ghoulette isn’t interested in another romantic relationship. the one she has with Cirrus is enough for her.

Elise’s relationship with Copia is basically two dorks trying to impress the other while trying not to be too obvious about it, while her relationship with Cirrus is bisexual equivalent of „shy nerd has a crush on a cool girl leading the cheerleaders squad and shopes she doesn’t know. She knows.”

(had to doodle sth real quick bc i can’t believe that i don’t have a single good pic of him lol)

Greg

37 years old

Polish (bc ofc he is)

pretty stoic, might come off as cold

he gives cute nicknames to people he likes (in polish ofc)

he’s actually pretty cheesy and wholesome, but you wouldn’t know that bc he shows his affection through a language that no one understands (which is what he wants, he doesn’t want others to know he actually cares)

has some trust issues, so it’s harder for him to become friends with people

huge Scorpions fan. no, like really, he’s obsessed and will share his music taste with whoever will listen (which is mostly Eli and Papa III lol)

knows a few words in italian, but mostly those related to art after he’s been studying it for a few years. He doesn’t speak it, but he can read it.

he owns a guitar signed by Kirk Hammett (his musical crush)

he’s the kind of guy who will call the person he likes „my dear”, „my love”, „sweet pea” in his mother language and then tell that person it means „dickhead”, „loser” and „lazy ass”

his stay at the abbey is just laying under the ceiling and doing fresco for most of the day, visiting Elise in her art studio and dealing with Papa’s bullshit

Papa eventually starts coming up to lay beside Greg on the construction and watch him work. They tend to just lay in silence while a mix of Scorpions and ABBA plays from the radio. There’s barely any space for a second person, but Greg would lie if he said he didn’t find it endearing.

one time Greg fell off the construction and broke his leg bc of that dumbass (but it’s his dumbass uwu)

anyway he eventually starts dating Papa III

Papa purrs to Greg in italian and Greg speaks sweet words to him in polish (tho it took him a lot of time to get comfortable with that)

their relationship is your typical „1 brain cell and 1 dumbass” and under certain circumstances simply „2 disastrous dumbasses”

they once burnt down Elise’s apartment on accident and the only things they managed to save were the art supplies and Greg’s guitar

anyway

here are these guys in comparison to their partners in this silly style, bc all the other drawings are outdated ;w;

Melea

45 years old

American

fashion designer commissioned byt the Ghost’s church

huge fan of old rock

for a long time her relationship with Papa III was purely professional. He came to her studio, she took some measurements, they discussed what he would like and then he left and they didn’t see each other until the next meeting to try the outfit on, to make some changes, or for another project.

well that is until she asked him to stop putting his face paint on so he wouldn’t ruin the fabrics

i share this popular headcanon that Papa III is pretty self conscious about his clean face, so it was kind of hard to convince him at first

eventually their sessions became that much more personal because of that

she’s a bit superstitious, believing that some things may cause bad luck

collects crystals with good energy

she’s in a way a modern witch…but it’s not like she tries to be one

knows french fairly well, which allows her to talk to Papa (who also speaks it) when they don’t want others to understand them.

huge mum energy

loooves watching conspiracy theories. Sometimes she will pick one of the more ridiculous ones during her sessions with Papa and will argue and try to convince him it’s true, making it seem like she fully believes it, even if she doesn’t – just to fuck with him

and a few times she actually did convince him. Then had to tell him she wasn’t serious and oh my god the millenials aren’t killing the pillow industry by going vegan

anyway at some point they start dating which eventually leads to them getting married ;w;

her relationship with Papa is very soft and romantic. they have the same energy as Morticia and Gomez in regard of how loving they are to each other

also some chibis of these two bc again, all the other drawings are a bit outdated ;w;

#asks #sweet-marionette #it was so much fun \o/#my art #ff talk #art talk

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alchemt · 5 years ago

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𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐓 .

repost , don’t reblog , please !

BASICS.

full name. varian of old corona ! nickname. v , goggles , hairstripe , vari . gender. cis male ( he / his ) height. 5′0″ age. 17 in canon verse , varies within others ! zodiac. aries sun , libra moon , pisces rising . spoken languages. drums my hands on the table , you got a dead language and something translatable and this kid learns it within a few weeks , easy , so we’re sorting demantius’ dialect in here , but i’d say both the dialects of the inner + outer parts of the kingdom ! ( i’ll talk a lil more specifically ab this in accent ! ) maybe a smattering of words n phrases of languages found in the other kingdoms , due to his work that has all kinds of people coming to him for alchemic assistance , as well as being an outskirt village !

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair color. black w/ brown highlights and a teal stripe ! eye color. blue ! skin tone. very light and very very fair , burns within a few hours of being outside in the summer sun , but before that , freckles ! ! ! accent. the tts - english version of what was most likely a version of an early nineteenth century germanic dialect by the coast ! i would also reach to say that it’s probably audibly different from what is usually spoken within corona’s main city / citadel , due to the distance between main and old corona , there’s probably a different dialect for those living on the far reaches of the kingdom outskirts ! voice. usually very pronounced , very loud , and very fast , depending on whether he’s talking ab his work or not . either way , it’s prone to cracking . his brain tends to work faster than his mouth , so there’s a lot of repetition and backtracking as well ! dominant hand. ambidextrous ! he’s confident enough w/ pouring chemicals with both hands , and his staff switches between right and left constantly . it doesn’t look like he prioritizes towards one over another , usually using the one that feels right in the moment . posture. absolutely horrendous ! literally you will always find him slouching over notes and various versions of work , falling asleep in bad positions over his workstations , and w/ working his way around machinery –– hanging over and around gently dangerous and in - progress kinds of equipment and chemical machinery does not always equal the best of results for one’s muscles and posture –– but ! ruddiger is actually a really wonderful addition to the family here w/ this , a welcome weight on his shoulders , which also serves to remind him to straighten up ( in more ways than one 🥺 ) ! scars. lots of chemical burn scarring ! alchemy is an incredibly dangerous practice , and vari is not one to stick to a safety protocol on his own volition , like a whole entire fool , so there’s lots of burnt clothes and burn scars –– the gloves were most likely a gift from his father , as soon as there had been a few accidents leading to some permanent markings on his hands , the same w/ the apron . i do like to think he makes his own goggles , though , i.e. why he has so many of them to go around ! tattoos. n/a in most verses , but i love the idea of him getting one to tie back to all the work he’s done w/ the demanitus legend / language when he’s older ! birthmarks. hmmm . i may come back to this at a later point , but for now let’s say if there are some , they’ve been marked over by other scars . most noticeable feature(s). teal hair stripe , gigantic goggles , some article of clothing is always slightly singed ( or still on fire , please let him know asap ! ) .

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth. old corona ! birth weight. most likely underweight . birth height. small , tiny , it sticks w/ him , the poor kid ! first words. blue ! siblings. none ! can’t vouch for canon here , but i’m going to go with historical accuracy here and say his mother died due to sickness when vari was still a baby . parents. quirin ( father ) , a woman who wasn’t given a name bc tts is Like That™ ( mother ) parental involvement. being son to the leader of the village isn’t always . super great ! there’s a lot of interactions between them that lean into the thinking that there’s a . stilted kind of relationship between them ? ( think . that is enough , varian / yes , sir . think . not again , varian . think . you are not ready . ) running a village is a busy enough position to be in , let alone one in the middle of a crisis , and it doesn’t feel like there’s much time left , or prioritized , in either of those times , to develop a relationship w/ vari ? i can’t imagine that the loss of his mother really . helps ? there’s so much hurt there , you can see it when quirin looks at the portrait in qfad , and so they’re very distanced due to just . not knowing how to reach one another ? there’s always something , too big to cross , too far to reach . so much of varian’s story is trying to get his father to see him , to be proud of him , and it reflects so much onto . quirin’s absence ? in vari’s work , in his interests , in him ? and in wanting that , needing that emotional relationship more than anything else ? feels like enough to drive him to uh . . . doing A Lot™ to get it .

ADULT LIFE.

occupation. " wizard “ of old corona → alchemist → co-lady-in-waiting ( The Best Day , you will never be able to pry this title away from him ) → the gentle villain stint → redeemed alchemist → most trusted royal engineer of corona ! current residence. old corona ! depending on verse he also travels , and lives within the citadel to be close to the official castle lab ! close friends. ruddiger , rapunz.el , cassandra , eugene , lance . financial status. as son as the leader of a village , i’d say middle class , esp. since they’re living in an outskirt town , it isn’t much ? a lot of varian’s experiments come from deconstructing old ones to reuse and rebuild from scraps . he def sews their clothes back into working order as well ! driver’s license. not exactly modern , but he can fly a hot air balloon ! that’s pretty vehicular ! no license tho bc he’s . gotta rebel in the ways that he still can ! criminal record. pulls out a scroll that rolls down the whole expanse of the throne room : “ attacking “ princess rapunz.el on the night of the snowstorm , drugging an entire castle staff w/ laced cookies , assisting + instigating in the theft of herz der sonne's journal , assisting + instigating the plan to break into the castle vaults , stealing the sundrop flower ( + later destroying it ) , endangering the crown princess on multiple accounts , multiple accounts of assault + endangerment to the people of both main and outer corona ( birthday automaton , enhanced ruddiger , army of automatons . ) , kidnapping the queen , attempted regicide , breaking out of jail , aligning himself with the saporians , wiping the memories of the king + queen , allegedly planning on continuing the memory wipe to the whole of kingdom corona , endangering the whole of main corona with his chemicals yet again . vices. arrogance , doubt , recklessness . love language. primarily actions ! ! you need something done ? you need someone to do something for you ? he’s your boy ! he also gives gifts , as well , mostly practical ones , usually lil machines or things he’ll think that could be of use or necessity !

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song. oh i will make you proud is too much of a bop to be anything but his theme ! we also see it played throughout the seasons in instrumental swells within gentle or Big Plot™ moments , even all the way back in what the hair ! so much of his character + narrative arcs lean on being seen and known and validated ? it’s important to him , but especially for it to come from his dad , or even from those he admires n looks up to ? The whole entire Dream ! hobbies to pass time. experiments , building w/ spare machinery parts , playing around w/ ruddiger , cooking , gardening , sewing , reading , etc . ! mental illnesses. anxiety , depression , ptsd . physical illnesses. he gets sick a lot . exposure to dangerous chemicals can lead to a weakened immune system , so it ends up showing in lots of semi - sick days after all - nighters that he works through until he eventually collapses or gets worse . it does mean that he eventually develops a good repertoire of being able to recognize various symptoms of sicknesses , and with a bit of studying , experience on how to treat people within his village + even beyond ! fears. losing his father , being lied to / kept in the dark , not being enough despite his best efforts , never being fully trusted in the same way again , that he won’t be who he could’ve been , once , bright in the light , unhurt and unhistoried , and that the darkness is still in him , waiting for the day that he snaps again . self-confidence level. can i get a big oof in the chat bc it’s not . really exactly super - great ? or even super - sturdy , for that matter ? ambition is one thing , but failed experiment and failed invention over and over again can be . extremely disheartening , especially when it comes w/ a verbal disappointment speech , as well as side - eyes and general wariness + distrust from everyone in his village . he’s incredibly confident in his knowledge + ability , and can don the “ wizard of old corona “ facade , but he’s . he wants to do something right , so so badly , to prove himself , to prove that he can , even if he’s not exactly the right person to do it , he’s going to try anyways , even if it’s just in case , even if it’s the only recourse left ? and that can be . dangerous , to say the least , as we’ve seen . but but but ! with the help of raps and cass and eugene and lance , and being given the chance(s) to be included in their lil found family , in being able to prove himself among them ( with some bumps along the way , a sad kid with no family left can go a lil feral w/ fury and grief as a treat , as you do , you know how it be sometimes ) , and come into his own ? has been . the absolute best ! everything he’s done for the name of good , for the betterment of the lives of others ! all of the light that it brings into his life , into his work ! love that for him ! ! ! vulnerabilities. overactive , maybe leaning a lil too close to what’s really an obsessive need for answers , how that there are not many lines he’s not willing to cross to do something he deems Right™ or for those that he loves , how he’s easily provoked to accept challenges + problems to solve .

TAGGED BY. @irnmaidn ! 💕 TAGGING. so i did . gently cut a lot out of this , so if you are interested in filling this out , let me know and i will happily direct u back to the whole of it !

#it's past one am so i'm allowed 2 post the ' i spent way too much time n had way too much fun detailing this hc meme ' post !#▎「 i want to remember everything ﹐ which is why i’m lying awake ﹐ not sleepy enough to give it up . / 𝐡𝐜 .#long post tw

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sergeanttpoliteness · 6 years ago

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➹embroidered hearts➹(ps4 peter parker x reader)

Requested by anon➝ hi! idk if you’re taking requests right now, but if you are, do you think you could write something for ps4 peter parker? maybe like a friends to lovers thing. thanks!

You just... really liked to disappear, huh? To vanish, slip from his fingers. Except that this time Peter found you, caught you before you left once again, which may have just been exactly what you needed.

word count: 2.7k

a/n: holy wowowow, this isn’t a false alarm, y’all-- i actually posted! i’m sososo happy i finally did, and i’m really sorry about how long it took me to do so. school drained all my motivation but exams just finished this friday so i decided to get this done once and for all. i’m shocked that i finally liked something i wrote this month, it’s progress (’: anyway, here’s something for 1 pretty boy whom i love very much, i hope the nonnie who requested it likes it! (: also i had a terrible allergy while editing this so if there are any mistakes pls know that it’s hard to write while sneezing every five seconds. hope this week is great for you bc u deserve it, ok, ily that’s it adios (last thing lol, expect some noir stuff next and that beter sequel eye emoji)

Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes since you told him you were going to the bathroom with a wavering smile, and you were nowhere to be seen. Peter set his empty glass of water on the table for the third time— God, he experienced a déjà vu that left him stumped and everything, and as he watched the crystal liquid stream from the pitcher, he could also sense his bladder protesting against all the suffering he kept putting it through. Nonetheless, he simply thanked the waiter for the refill, or else he was sure that if he didn’t continue drowning himself, the disquiet abounding in his system as a result of your unknown whereabouts would strangle him with its unnerving claws. Perhaps the entrance dish bombarded your stomach (if so, then he hoped you were alright), or the toilet devoured you and swallowed you down the drain. Two-year-old him never trusted the porcelain seat, after all (it... was an actual fear of his, actually). However, past all those justifications and silly fears, he knew something wasn’t right, for there existed no chance you’d simply vanish just like that after the anxiety for tonight nearly eroding you alive, and you wouldn’t surrender an opportunity for a promotion... right?

He scanned the party room, through the many dresses and tuxedos either standing by still or swaying together, awkwardness raining over and staining his skin when he recalled he was the last remaining person in the table after everyone else retired to chat with other fancy people. He surely didn’t fit in that category, neither was he acquainted with anyone — he wasn’t even invited, for crying out loud, rather you were the reason for his attendance; still, you weren’t there. He considered possibly checking the bathroom to make sure you seriously hadn’t died, because you weren’t answering any of his calls and... oh, no.

Your boss walked on stage and tapped the microphone, a muffled thud reverberating through the speakers. “Good evening, everyone! I’m glad the night’s been such a lovely one, I hope you’re all having a great time.” The man — Peter couldn’t remember his name, honestly — spoke, a charismatic grin that paraded his astonishing dental care on his face. Though no alluring smile impeded Peter from panicking further or his limbs from driving him out of his chair and into the tight space in between a cluster of intimidating guests, looking identical to a little kid who couldn’t find his parents at the supermarket.

“Where are you, Y/N?” He muttered to himself, a question he’d reiterated in his head far too often for the past seven months. A haze of amazement and disbelief encompassed his brain when you called him to ask to come as his date— all he could do was blink, his throat clogged up and his heart so unbelieving as if you died and had risen from your tomb, but you might as well have and he wouldn’t have even known, because it’s what it seemed following such a tediously long time of dead silence, of not seeing that lopsided grin of yours, of nothing. It should’ve pushed him away, if anything, although how could it? How could his stunned little heart let you go after you’d embroidered yourself into it, sewn the threads, a perennial string that led back to you, the first day you met? And yet you still gripped it closely, unwilling to detach as he desperately dialed your number again, his stomach diving faster down to the Earth’s core whilst your boss’ speech went on and a high-pitched beep rang in his ear. ‘The person you have called is unavailable right now...’ Not a good sign. No, most definitely not.

“However, I’d like to invite on stage a person who we appreciate greatly in the company,” ‘The person you have called is un—’ Peter hung up, over that goddamn message that always appears to torment him, and grimaced as your boss studied the crowd with proud eyes. “Please, a big round of applause for Y/N Y/L/N!”

The room exploded with sophisticated cheering, but it declined gracelessly, the clapping stuttering, fully ceasing when the moments dragged on and no one entered the spotlight. The leader squinted, visibly distressed, brows perplexed as he leaned closer to the lady beside him. “Y/N... did make it tonight, correct?” He whispered too loudly, gossip escalating in the audience. Peter bit his lip, stepping back closer to the exit door until a rough hand clutched his sleeve.

“Hey, you’re Y/L/N’s boyfriend, right?” An older man with fuming blue eyes and a bald spot questioned, spit flying but thankfully not anywhere near Peter who sputtered, chest warming up when his tongue failed him, became tangled in his mouth.

“Wha... n-no, we’re just friends—”

“I don’t care. Listen, if that idiot is not here right now then I’m gonna be in deep shit.”

Peter’s brows furrowed with anger, “Hey, shut up, man— Y/N’s not an idiot.” He snapped, but the guy barely flinched and rolled his eyes as he let go of the taller young man.

“Just do something!” He hissed, equally as bitter and prodding his chest before disappearing into the crowd.

Peter opened the double doors and sped down the hallway straight to the bathrooms with a sour mood; however, before he knocked, a figure outside the window captivated him and calmed his hammering heartbeat. It... couldn’t be you. Why would you be out there? He surveyed the area, and when he saw no sign of another person or any security cameras, he unfastened the window’s lock and slid it open.

Could he have gone outside like a normal human being? Yeah, sure, except that— first — where’s the fun in that, and second, he didn’t want to walk all the way to the other side of the building— it was an emergency, or at least that’s the excuse he’d use if anyone caught him as he landed softly on the grass. It was indeed you, he realized, sat on a bench, observing nothing in particular unless the building under construction across the street held any trace of beauty in your eyes. He stopped a few feet away from you, mouth twitching. “Is this seat taken?”

You almost jumped into space and out of orbit, your neck whipping around, large frightened eyes gradually lightening when they took him in. There it was. That lopsided grin, unchanging from when you were a sophomore in college apart from the darker under eye circles. And there was his own shy smile, too, accompanied by the blush that stained his face, like red wine spilled over a tablecloth. “Yes, actually, by my imaginary friend Pedro.” You patted the area beside you, on the supposed Pedro’s knee, and he sneaked his hands inside his blazer’s pockets, feigning disapproval.

“You exchanged me for a Pedro?”

“He’s a nice guy.” You giggled as he sat down next to you, your stare fixed on your lap. “Let me guess: I messed up the night and that’s why you’re looking for me.” You said, playfulness faltering and insecurity peeking its head in, and he noticed how it sculpted your expression and body language with its discouragement.

“Not exactly, no. I was still going to look for you, but a jerk who called you an idiot really needed me to do so.” He grumbled, irritation returning as a combo along with remembrance of the incident. You didn’t reach, though; you solely raised your eyebrows, unruffled, your friend more afflicted albeit he wasn’t the one who was called an idiot.

“A short guy that kinda looks like an odd mix between John Stamos and Danny Devito?” You queried. Peter rebuilt the man’s appearance in his head, and you had to laugh at his raw shock when he recognized the accuracy of your comparison. He... really did look like that, seriously, it’s the most bizarre combination you could think of. “Yeah, that’s Jonathan. We’re not exactly best pals.”

“I kinda figured that out, Stavito didn’t look so happy.” A smile flourished on his countenance as quickly as a match is set alight after you cackled, your hand flying up to your mouth to mute your laughter.

“Stavito? Man, now he’s gonna hate me even more because I’m never gonna stop using that one.” You shook your head, rubbing your crinkled eyes. He hummed, loosening his tie, wearing a crooked grin that you fathomed meant incoming pain for you—

“He’s gonna stab-ito you!”

Jesus Christ. You let out a drawn-out breath and picked up your legs, expression similar to a parent seeing their kid’s report card. “I hate you. This friendship’s on hold until further notice.”

“It was a great pun!”

“Was not.” You objected, although both of your bodies shook with hilarity. He looked at you, the moon painting silver strokes on your tranquil frame, the delight in him for just being by your side too much that his stare lingered; though not for long, for your attention strayed up to him and his eyes immediately shifted down to his hands, his leg restless, bustling.

“Why are you out here? We could’ve left if that’s what you wanted.” He said, brows knitted. You changed to a cross-legged position, rolling your lips.

“I originally was just going to take a five-minute stroll, but once I sat down here, I just couldn’t go back inside.” You confessed, shrugging. Gloom reemerged, drooping the corners of your lips, striking a spike of ice in your gut— the frost trickled up and down your body, goosebumps of sorrow growing over your skin. “I’m sorry I’m such a terrible friend. Jonathan’s right: I am an idiot.” You whispered.

He held in his breath, blank on what to say. “Why would you think that?”

You snorted, expression unamused. “They’re facts, Pete. Good friends don’t just… fall off the face of Earth without a warning.”

“I’m… sure you had your reasons.”

“They weren’t good reasons, though. I should’ve at least told you something. But I bet it was nice to get a break from me, huh?” You joked, hurt and self-doubt seeping through your voice.

He frowned, immediately denying with his head. “Why would I want to get a break from you? Y/N, we don’t even get to see each other that much. If anything, I…” He halted, gulping. “I-I want to see you more.” He admitted quietly.

Your bewilderment was dim but still present as you ran your hand up and down your arm. “You’re dumb. You could spend your time with people who are actually great but you want to spend it with me.”

“Yeah, well, if I am dumb so what? I still wouldn’t change my mind.” He argued, a line in between his brows. You sighed, sliding down the metal seat, your eyes shut as you tilted your head back.

“Peter, stop, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I do, though. I mean, yeah, it… it hurt a bit,” Peter raised one shoulder, aware that it hurt more than just ‘a bit’. “I thought you decided to break contact, but it’s okay, really.”

“Give yourself some love, it’s not okay that I hurt you like that.” You momentarily put your hand on his, repentance etched on your features. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“We’re talking again, though, that’s all that matters.” He brushed you off, raising up to his feet. The guilt still held you, played with you like a doll, but the reassuring quirk of the corner of his mouth somewhat relieved it. “We should go back inside, don’t want you catching a cold or Stavito getting fired.”

“He’s not gonna get fired, he’s just way too over dramatic.” You grunted, showing your clear distaste for the John Stamos and Danny Devito love child. Peter lent out his hand but you blinked at it, chuckling uncomfortably. “Don’t you rather stay out a bit more? The sky looks great tonight— I can see a few more stars than usual.” You pointed at the dark blanket of nebulae and astral bodies. He glanced up, close to dropping to the ground to inspect the night sky until he heard the stifled music from the party.

“We can stargaze once the event’s over.” He promised, gesturing with his head to the building. It was then when he distinguished the dread in your eyes.

“...Are you sure you don’t want to do it now? What if it gets too cloudy?”

He narrowed his eyes. “Is everything alright? Why don’t you want to go back in there?”

You tried to utter another excuse, but you couldn’t. The ire at yourself made your hands tremble, set your mouth in a hard line as you were incapable of looking right at him, the humiliation far too much.

“I hate my job.”

Peter sat back down, staring at you, his expression sad. “You know, I spent the entirety of high school and started college with this idea of what I wanted my future to be like. But now that I did it, now that I’m actually there, I’m so… bored with everything. I don’t know what to do. Like, what am I supposed to do now? Go to work and what else? Because if that’s all there is to my life, I don’t know why I should even bother with it.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Peter what am I doing?” You scoffed, scowling. “Look at me: what the hell am I bringing to the world? You’ve got FEAST, and just got that job with Otto Octavius— you’re… so amazing and will do so many great things. The world needs you. I need you. We all do.” You mumbled, voice breaking.

His sight gravitated down to your lonely hand that rested so near to his, that had the string running from his heart encircled around its ring finger, beckoning him closer. His fingers reached out slowly, hesitantly, with great fear. But he wound up grazing your hand, and then he fully wrapped his own around it— around the artist that sewed a handiwork of untouchable adoration into him. “But what if I...” He began, struggling to come clean. “What if I...” He saw your anticipating gaze.

“I need you, too.” He whispered.

Your view averted down to your linked hands and then up at the boy unknowing that he, just like you had to him, had tailored a piece of himself in you long ago. You hugged him. Crumbled, snuggled deep into him, allowing yourself to accept that hand reaching out to you, to surrender to comfort. He hugged you back with as much gentleness and warmth, his chin on top of your head. “You should give yourself some love, too.” He murmured and you let out air through your nose, agreeing with him. “You’ll find your way because you’re incredible, alright? I just wish you could see that.”

Seven months weren’t eons, Peter acknowledged, but perhaps they could be; perhaps they were enough to view everything differently, past that veil that cloaked his eyes, past the doubt and uncertainty, because there was something distinctive in your familiar smile when you pulled away. Something unusual as you sat straight, your eyes drifting sideways to him. “I guess we can help each other with that self-love thing.” You suggested.

He got the hint in your voice, and all of a sudden, he figured out what that something was; but he didn’t want to accept the truth that crashed against him when he realized that it wasn’t new. No, it’d been there all along.

He could try to believe.

“Maybe we could, uh, we could go out for dinner some… some time. Get started with some good food, y’know…” His tone was quiet and he couldn’t have resembled better a nervous teenage boy asking his crush to dance on prom night as he wrinkled his nose in embarrassment.

You faked a cynical expression, despite already knowing the answer in your soul. “Some time?”

“Or never, if that’s what you prefer.” He laughed tensely, his eyes growing wide when he turned his head and cursed at himself internally. You smiled to yourself, moving a strand of hair out of your face.

“How about tonight?”

“Tonight? Like…” He checked his wristband, only to remember it wasn’t a watch. “...tonight? What about the event—”

“Forget the event,” You stood up, and now you were the one stretching out your hand to him. “C’mon, let’s look for some restaurants because why not, am I right?”

Peter clutched your hand, the contentment a welcomed compensation for all those months of not seeing you.

“Yeah, why not?”

#ps4 peter parker x reader #spider man ps4 x reader #spider man ps4 #insomniac spider-man #peter parker x reader #ps4 peter parker one shot #ps4 peter parker imagine #fem!reader #male!reader #gender neutral

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infantacarlota · 6 years ago

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hi guys! here’s carlota’s bio + a list of wanted connections. if you’d like to plot please drop me a message and i’ll find you!! i’m seldom on the discord server bc i get overwhelmed easily/large group chats stress me out, but i love to chat and plot, in fact i’m a sucker for extensive plotting and i do want a bit of everything for carlota so pls throw any and all ideas you have my way.

- ̗̀✰ •【 LILY JAMES / FEMALE / 27 】announcing the arrival of her royal highness, ( CARLOTA LUÍSA ISABEL ), the ( INFANTA ) of ( PORTUGAL ). I’ve heard that she is ( IMPULSIVE ) & ( PARANOID ) but can also be ( INTUITIVE ) & ( PASSIONATE ). ( CARLOTA ) is arranged to marry ( MICHIEL HUISMAN, BOB MORLEY, ALFONSO HERRERA ). Rumor has it ( SHE'S THE REASON HER BROTHER THE CROWN PRINCE IS IN A COMA ). We hope you enjoy your stay at London!

STATS

name: carlota luísa isabel, house of coimbra, infanta of portugal age: 26 family:

henrique (father, deceased) terezia (mother, deceased) luís (uncle, 52, regent, childless younger brother of henrique) pedro (brother, 33, in a coma) ____ (brother, 29-31) ____ (brother, 27-29) ____ (brother, 23-24) silvia (sister, 22-23) ____ (brother, 19-20)

relationship status: betrothed to espen jarle lillegarde, crown prince of norway. language(s) spoken: portuguese (fluent), english (fluent), french (well), spanish (fluent), italian (decently), deutsch(okay-ish), danish (okay-ish) eyes: brown hair: brown physical ailments: not an ailment per se, but she broke her right arm in her youth and it didn't heal properly so it's slightly crooked at the elbow. she's a little self-conscious about it and it aches at times, especially if she has to carry something heavy, but for the moment that's about it. neurological ailments: low key depressed but isn't even close to being aware of it because depression is such a foreign thing to her. this quote explains it nicely:

"Being an extrovert with depression and constantly maintaining a lively personality can sometimes feel like you are lying to the world. It makes depression something only you can deal with, when you can finally take off “the mask” [...] suffering from depression as an extrovert comes down to not being taken seriously. It’s hearing how you must be over-exaggerating your condition because there is no way you can be laughing with friends on the same night you go home and cry yourself to sleep. [...] is knowing that people will make you happy because sometimes being happy by yourself seems like an impossible task. It is having a constant need to be there for everyone but yourself. It is – as crazy as this sounds – feeling as if you aren’t allowed to be depressed [...] You have to be the person people gravitate towards to when they want to have a good time."

smoking: mostly in the past drugs: in the past and here's to hoping it stays there alcohol: in the past: drank a lot and often during her teenage/boarding school years. started drinking way less after that and was primarily a social drinker, but enjoyed a glass of wine every other meal. currently: keeps telling herself she'll have just one or two glasses but ends up drinking the whole bottle. when she's feeling down, it helps her stay bubbly, like people are used to see her. tattoos: pretty much always covered. 1 dainty lavender tattoo under her left breast, 1 small conch shell on the inside of her left arm style: enjoys looking stylish but values comfort above all else. doesn't follow fashion trends but enjoys playing with styles. has worn pant suits, bowties, and ties to several events. she often opts for comfortable flats (even trainers when she was younger) when wearing long dresses that cover her feet. secret: she’s the reason her brother, the king, is in a coma

personality

sociable, bubbly, energetic, romantic, intuitive, impulsive, kind, compassionate, audacious, youthful, low-key very sad and depressed, curious, passionate, slightly air-headed, well meaning, romantic, at times speaks without thinking, used to be very gullible growing up, insecure, authentic, bad liar, self-deprecating (esp in the past couple years)

BIO (tw: death, drugs):

[ for carlota’s full / proper bio + more in-depth explanations, please click here & check the ‘biography’ tab.]

for nearly half a decade before carlota’s father was born, instability was the norm in portugal. carlota’s father was born just as the conflict was drawing to an end and he spent his whole life honoring his father’s hard work, heavily focusing on diplomacy, and being slightly ( but understandably ) paranoid about the safety of his family.

like his parents, carlota’s father was fortunate to marry out of love. carlota’s mother isn’t portuguese ( she's a hungarian princess ) nor was she supposed to have become henrique’s wife, but the two had been in love almost since they first met when they were teenagers. at court, some never fully accepted terezia, still, the pair was very happy together.

carlota’s family was always very close-knit and kinda nosy about each other’s business. she has always enjoyed this greatly as she’s a family and people-person, but at times it felt suffocating, even when she was only a child.

carlota’s innate almost child-like passion and curiosity for life as well as her good-humored casual demeanor have always been both a blessing and a curse and often landed into trouble. she’s well-meaning, always, but sometimes speaks without thinking or acts impulsively. she’s a little bit air-headed and selfish in this manner, and her emotions and feelings often control her more than she controls them.

still, she has three older brothers with very strong personalities so from a very early age she’s been trying to keep up with them and showing them that girls can do everything boys can. she’s never been rebellious or assertive by nature, although she likes to make bold choices and statements at times, but having a lot of brothers just forced those sides of her to develop.

when she was 8, shortly after her youngest brother was born her mother passed away - this was carlota’s first heartbreak

carlota’s relationship with her father was always...... not complicated, but perhaps filled with misunderstandings and good intentions gone wrong. he kept her at bay a lot because carlota has her mother’s demeanor, and he worried immensely about her future. her father always felt like out of all his children carlota was going to be the one who was going to struggle the most with an arranged marriage so he was always pressuring her to focus on her romantic life in a serious manner which carlota often found bothersome.

in her teens carlota felt very isolated and out of place. surrounded by people but all alone. that's how she felt.

annnnnnd then her father sent her to boarding school which was never supposed to have happened but he changed his mind thinking it was the best for carlota (spoiler alert - it wasn’t)

carlota was extremely upset and sad over this. being apart from her family and friends she had known all her life brought her great pain and frustration. she also couldn’t understand her father’s change of heart, and a part of her felt like she had done something deeply wrong. honestly she felt kind of abandoned.

these years were somewhat tumultuous, especially because she wasn’t making the right kind of friends - the ones that are good for you. this lead her to have made several questionable life choices. she also got in the habit of drinking too much and doing drugs (she never officially went to rehab but she was very close to and she honestly probably should have gone even if only to really file this chapter of her life away).

all of this is, mostly, behind her thought. it took years but she realised she was fostering unhealthy friendships and habits and that the longer it took her to walk away the harder it would become to do so at all. eventually she cut them all out of her life.

( “what is it with you and your uncontrollable need to be liked?” one of her acquaintances from boarding school asked her once, and she was already a little drunk, so the words didn’t hit her as hard as they normally would have. her shoulders simply rose and fell in a lazy shrug. “i don’t know.” it had been an honest answer, she kept talking anyway, no filter between her thoughts and her mouth. “i guess i - well, i've never been the pretty one, or the smart one, or the brooding one, or the bold one, or the funny one... but i’ve always been good at meeting people so i guess... i guess very early on i just thought ‘maybe i can be the likable one’.” )

her father died of heart decease when she was 21. she always got along with her eldest brother and the two became even closer after their father’s death, however, a couple months before the summit carlota thought she wouldn’t be participating as she had been seeing someone, but the boy ended up deciding that they were better off parting ways. it was all very last minute and out of the blue and he did it via text and she didn’t take the news well in the least so she ended up resorting to finding comfort in bad old habits and companies.

her brother grew increasingly worried and one day the two had a quarrel in the palace’s foyer after carlota showed up to dinner so merrily out of it she could barely stand. at one point he tried to reach for her but she pushed him away - once, twice, trice, and on the forth time he lost his balance and fell down the long imposing staircase.

she was so inebriated that it took her brain moment to register what had happened but once it dawned on her she was immediately struck by a wave of frantic panic and promptly made her way down the staircase ( nearly tripping on her own feet and tumbling down multiple times ). her brother was still conscious when she reached him, falling on her knees by his side, already crying and apologizing. the last thing he told her was to leave so no one would blame her for what had happened.

carlota is not an agitator. she’s not pro nor against the summit. she dislikes the idea of spending her life with a stranger or someone who won’t love her, but above that at the moment she simply feels a great weight of responsibility towards her brother and is just trying to do what he wanted her to. she’s going with the flow in a dutiful manner, trying to always be on her best behaviour, while at the same time trying to stay as true to herself as possible.

at the moment, she almost likes that things are being figured out for her. it goes against her usual demeanor, but she has so much on her mind and feels so much guilt that anything that figures out her responsibilities for her is welcome. frankly, she’s walking towards a big depression, but depression isn’t something she has ever experienced before and personally doesn’t think it’s something she herself could experience.

i want SO MANY THINGS for carlota. good and bad. i want positive character development, i want negative character development. i want to break her and put her together again. i want her to grow, learn, and face past mistakes... and maybe make new ones.

i’m all about extensive plotting, and i’m in things for the long run, so throw all the ideas at me.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

FAMILY

siblings - ill be posting her family request here.

cousins: carlota’s mother wasn’t portuguese, she was likely german, hungarian, belgian, austrian, english, or french. so if your character is from one of those countries and you’d be up for them being related to carlota let me know!!!

ON GOOD TERMS

(open) best friend: someone carlota is very close to at the moment

(open) childhood friend(s): someone carlota has known pretty much all of her life

(open) accidental friendship: carlota and this person weren’t supposed to get along because of their personalities but instead of clashing, to everyone’s surprise, they compliment each other nicely

(open) “a boy tried to make us compete for his attention so we ditched him and became close friends”: self-explanatory lmao i’d love for them to be super close. or maybe he was dating the girl and tried to fool around with carlota so she told the other girl and she dumped and him and her and carlota became close friends. many options.

(open) exes on good terms: i love this trope - two people who dated but who are still friendly (and possibly super close)

(open) one time date (positive): carlota and this person went on a date/found themselves on a date but quickly figured out they’d be better off as friends, and they are

ON BAD TERMS OR IFFY

(open) the guy who ditched her: carlota didn't think she would be participating in the summit as she was beginning to develop a relationship with someone. whether they were officially seeing each other/dating or not is open, but around four months ago he ended what they had, momentarily leaving carlota in a really bad place. i left this super open and vague on purpose, i would love to plot it with whoever takes him.

(open) the boy from the “a boy tried to make us compete for his attention so we ditched him and became close friends” connection: self-explanatory lmao

(open) betrothal’s romantic interest: i’d obviously love for carlota and her betrothal to be end game (like, romantically, not just being married for appearances) but i’m also big on stuff taking its time and i’d love for her betrothal’s to have a romantic interest (even if it’s onesided and he’s not interested in her - altho he can be obviously). above all, i just want a scene like this one lmao

(open) clashed from the start: clarlota and this person never got along (open)

(open) former teenage-hood friends: carlota and these people used to be close when they were teenagers but aren’t anymore.

(open) former best friend: carlota and this person used to be very close but something happened that drove them apart. maybe they were part of the same group of friends and when carlota suddenly started bailing on and not wanting to be associated with them the former best friend felt used and betrayed, like they were had only been a “party” friend to carlota

(open) exes on bad terms: self explanatory

(open) one time date (negative): carlota and this person went on a date/found themselves on a date and it went awful

(open) toxic romance:

NEUTRAL OR UNCLEAR

betrothal: i’d obviously love for carlota and her betrothal to be end game (like, romantically, not just being married for appearances) but obvs that’s not mandatory. his personality is completely open, honestly do with him whatever you wish i just ask that he’s not a very artsy person. as a suggestion, i’d love for his secret to be something like he has toddler from a past fling/relationship, or even if that’s not his secret i honestly just like the idea of him having a secret or not so secret kid. fc suggestions for him are: michiel huisman, bob morley, oliver jackson cohen, and santiago cabrera.

(open) star-crossed: carlota and this character have, or had, feelings for each other but for whatever reason their relationship just can’t work out.

(open) met in a bar: : this could have happened when they were kids/teens or recently. carlota and this royal met in a bar without knowing of each other’s backgrounds.

(open) push and pull: : there’s flirtation and mutual interest… and there’s also a lot of annoyance.

(open) bonded over doing smth they shouldn’t: this could have happened when they were kids/teens or recently. carlota and this person were caught (or nearly caught) doing something they shouldn’t be doing (such as sneaking out or sneaking back in)… individually. it was a chance encounter and their first meeting & can go many ways.

(open) flirtation: (open)

(open) accidental bonding: this person accidentally confided something in carlota, whether because they were drunk/tipsy, or simply completely saturated and needed to vent.

(open) betrothal’s ex: id honestly love for carlota to meet an ex of her betrothal and they get along super well. i have several ideas for this tbh but yeah!!

#buckingham:intro

6 notes · View notes

shadowed-moonrise · 7 years ago

Text

ooc: elia and ashka chat logs

[ooc comments supposed to be removed but i might have missed some. there is a Lot of logs bc we forgot to post until now]

shadowed-moonrise

oh my god what is WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE

shadowed-moonrise

i got some horrifying anons!!! theyre so horrifying!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

hang on let me turn off my blacklist for a moment

quick question: what the fuck

(not directed at you!)

shadowed-moonrise

i just

wow????

they sent me a followup ask like 'didnt you read what i said, my gf likes it'

shadowed-moonrise

and............... i dont....... think she does

like that does not sound like a healthy relationship and i hope they just made it up to creep on me

flameofcertainty

"hi i'm a rapist"

"wtf"

"no but she likes when i rape her"

i just

*what the fuck*

shadowed-moonrise

right

WHAT THE FUCK.

shadowed-moonrise

i was just talking earlier abt how i dont actually like that anybody can read my hyper posts but i make them on publicblog for like Awareness right?

shadowed-moonrise

and i thought i meant like abstractly, like maybe theres somebody reading them and cackling bc they dont agree w/ my politics or whatever?

but APPARENLTY

APPARENTLY

people will send me creepy asks about raping their hyper gf

flameofcertainty

some people are just really terrible?

i guess?

what are they even getting out of this?

shadowed-moonrise

i think some people just........ enjoy making other people suffer????

or maybe somehow they thought i would be like "i think this is hot or a good thing to do or whatever, thank you for your service to the hypersensitive community"

i dunno what goes on in these peoples head

shadowed-moonrise

heads

flameofcertainty

maybe tumblr just hates hypersensitives or something

it would explain a lot

shadowed-moonrise

like, okay, but what would you hate hypersensitives for

like theres somebody who hates hypos (and IS A NAT THERAPIST, AUGH) for.... not hating pollution enough, i guess

but hypersensitives are boring? we dont go outside much bc the outside is fully of scary?

flameofcertainty

maybe tumblr is just weird like that?

or maybe we're easy targets?

shadowed-moonrise

oh yeah that makes sense

flameofcertainty

most meso folks don't have a button they can press to get a reaction out of us

shadowed-moonrise

if you wanna make somebody suffer its so easy to target people with a big 'make me suffer' button

flameofcertainty

right

shadowed-moonrise

ugh im sort of regretting making it public

i could have just not mentioned it and had a really good blacklist

flameofcertainty

most of the time people aren't that bad

and then there'll be a week or two

where people send you nothing but asks about pollution

shadowed-moonrise

i blacklist some stuff but im generally okay talking about pollution if its like, abstract, so i dont do it that aggressively and then........ sometimes............. people take advantage of that

shadowed-moonrise

i wish you could like, have vulnerabilities without people just randomly deciding to fuck with you for no reason

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

hang on

i just scrolled down

>i’ll put my foreign object ;;;;) in your body ;;;;) ;;;;)

***what the fuck***

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

oh GOD

i just got

another

flameofcertainty

oh no

how bad is it

shadowed-moonrise

bad enough im not sure i should tell you what it says

flameofcertainty

my brain is helpfully providing suggestions

why is it like this

are you okay

shadowed-moonrise

im.... probbly going to be in a minute

fuck

"the last "person" to hide their caste on this hellsite turned out to be red. i bet you aren't even hyper, you're just pretending so people won't suspect. i know what you really are."

thats what it says

flameofcertainty

aaaaaaaa

what the fuck

flameofcertainty

why would anyone send that to you

shadowed-moonrise

i dont know

what did i *do*

flameofcertainty

i don't know

fuck

i guess if they think you're red that would explain why they hate you?

but seriously

what the fuck

flameofcertainty

i'm so sorry

flameofcertainty

why would anyone say that

shadowed-moonrise

anon hate doesnt usually get to me like this but

sob

why

the fuck

i dunno if they even really think that or they just want to upset me

flameofcertainty

i don''t

i don't know

fuck i'm so sorry

are you going to be okay

shadowed-moonrise

yeah. yeah.

flameofcertainty

is there anything i can do

shadowed-moonrise

i dont

think so

flameofcertainty

other than not be the sort of terrible person who would send those messages

shadowed-moonrise

thamk you for not being htat sort of person!

im so glad most people arent

flameofcertainty

it's really not hard

shadowed-moonrise

oh i can... go take some eytelia right now

it will only help in 40min but i might still need it then

shadowed-moonrise

brb

shadowed-moonrise

ok back

flameofcertainty

okay

anyways what the fuck

shadowed-moonrise

someday i will have coping mechanisms other than "get high in a way that coincidentally also helps"

flameofcertainty

i mean if it helps

then that's a lot better than nothing

shadowed-moonrise

yeah it is

shadowed-moonrise

im gonna go curl up and not look at the Fuckening Internet, i guess

flameofcertainty

seems reasonable

shadowed-moonrise

ttyl <3

flameofcertainty

ttyl :)

shadowed-moonrise

hiiiiiiiiiiii im back im not sad anymore because im so high

shadowed-moonrise

i got another horrible anon and i dont even caaaare

flameofcertainty

i'm glad you're feeling better

sorry about the terrible anon

shadowed-moonrise

also did you know art is pretty

its so pretty

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i saw a video of a yellow playing the yellowest instrument ever and i wanted to send it to you but tumblr messages werent working on my everything

maybe i can find it again..........

shadowed-moonrise

http://theyre-a-geeky-witch.tumblr.com/post/138457594516/ here

flameofcertainty

that's actually really pretty

flameofcertainty

thanks

flameofcertainty

anyways what's up

shadowed-moonrise

i gotta work in a couple hours

by which time hopefully i will be able to handle it

idk i dont HATE it but its hard on the badbrains

flameofcertainty

i can imagine

shadowed-moonrise

like i feel ok now bc hiiiiiigh but im not very excited about leaving the house and going places

shadowed-moonrise

there will be a green party where im supposed to just pretend to be green tho!

i like those

flameofcertainty

that part sounds nice

at least

shadowed-moonrise

ive been thinking & writing a lot about how thinking-on-drugs works and greens always wanna talk about that

shadowed-moonrise

one time a client had me go to a thing pretending to just be green and it was nice and then she *told everyone she hired me* while i was in the middle of talking about my cs paper (my actual cs paper, which i actually wrote, and she implied i didnt even though i CLEARLY THOROUGHLY UNDERSTOOD IT)

flameofcertainty

???

why would she do that??

shadowed-moonrise

i wish i had just walked away but i didnt know what to do

some people....... have a humiliation kink

shadowed-moonrise

and like, okay, ill do that if you WARN ME, but you cant just spring it on me???

flameofcertainty

i am super not a sex worker but "tell people in advance" seems really obvious

shadowed-moonrise

YEAH

shadowed-moonrise

i didnt really say anything at the time bc i was so shocked but later i like messaged her and was like 'thats super fucked up'

shadowed-moonrise

she didnt really get it but she agreed to pay me extra for like, i didnt know what service i was providing beforehand & thats more costly

but she only engaged with it in like, super businessy terms

flameofcertainty

how does she not get it

this does not seem particularly hard to understand

shadowed-moonrise

i think she was like 'im paying you for both sex work and going to a party so i can just like do whatever, right?'

and there was also some like 'greys are toys'

shadowed-moonrise

fucking blues

shadowed-moonrise

i do not usually go in that much for caste solidarity because im so bad at grey + greys are not great about that but in that moment if somebody asked me i would have supported a military government

i could explain 'pay people for services and also lay out terms beforehand' but not 'greys are.... people..... dont be a fucking asshole'

flameofcertainty

i don't think i've ever actually talked to a blue

at least not to say more than "excuse me, can i get through" or "the soap is in aisle five"

huh

shadowed-moonrise

there... exist blues who are okay

there even exist blues who are okay and hire sex workers and do kinky things about castes with them

flameofcertainty

i believe you

shadowed-moonrise

like 80% of the people who hire me are entirely fine?

flameofcertainty

they can't possibly all be terrible

otoh a terrible blue can screw you over a lot more than a terrible purple

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

im not sure what i would do if a blue client did something illegal to me because...................................... im not sure what i CAN do

flameofcertainty

probably depends on how illegal

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

and who they are

flameofcertainty

yeah

there are supposed to be reporting systems in place if they try to pay you to kill someone or something

idk if they actually do that

shadowed-moonrise

nobody has tried that and i havent heard anybody talking about that but im pretty niche and a lot of my family is green, idk

i feel like if somebody wanted to pay a grey to kill somebody theyd pick one who has ever held a gun

flameofcertainty

probably

but yeah, i'm guessing if you made an important blue mad they could screw you over pretty badly

idk

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

ugh sorry ive been talking about my shit this whole time

it has been kind of A Day i swear i am usually better at conversation

flameofcertainty

it's totally fine!

shadowed-moonrise

how is your day anyay

flameofcertainty

it's been okay

mira and i went to check out that social-dancing place

shadowed-moonrise

oooh

what kind of dance is it?

i guess i might not know purple dances??

flameofcertainty

i don't know if the name will translate

it's mostly the kind you do in a group with other people that's really traditional

shadowed-moonrise

group dances are great

if you have... similar amounts of motor skills to the other people

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

i haven't done anything like it in years and i'm really bad at it but it's still fun

and i'm not bad at it in a stepping-on-feet way

which is probably good, idk

shadowed-moonrise

im pretty sure not stepping on feet is strictly better than the alternative!

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

omg babybro is home <33

flameofcertainty

baby!!!

shadowed-moonrise

he is so good!!!!!!

he taaalks and he plays with me and ive been teaching him abstract concepts bc i find it really exciting when he knows abstract concepts

flameofcertainty

tell me more about this baby

shadowed-moonrise

he can do numbers up to twelve and circles and triangles and 'many' and 'other' and i asked him what one plus one was and he said 'two ones' which means he *actually understands what it means*

he has adooorable curly hair

and a little nose

and he will boop my nose with his nose if i ask him to

and he loves my weighted blanket

flameofcertainty

baaabbyyyy

what a good baby

shadowed-moonrise

i guess at this point he might not 'technically' be a baby anymore? but hes a baaaabbbyyy

[lemme edit a picture of my irl little brother to have green hair]

https://78.media.tumblr.com/fa8d578702cf6c0ed9269902f535982a/tumblr_messaging_p7ryailotL1vio47i_1280.png

https://78.media.tumblr.com/b8ec991036777a0f24c9ed84a194d921/tumblr_messaging_p7ryanbD931vio47i_250.png

baby!!!! <333

second picture featuring Grey Grandma

flameofcertainty

baby!!!!

baaaabbbbyyyyy

he's so smol

shadowed-moonrise

so small!!!!!

and smiley!!!!

flameofcertainty

happy baby!

shadowed-moonrise

i hope he is happy foreeeeever

shadowed-moonrise

his lil nose is tan bc it gets in the sun more than the rest of his face

bc he has a little baby face!!!!!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

little baby face on the little happy baby!!!!

he's so good

shadowed-moonrise

hes next to me playing with my blanket

i looove him

flameofcertainty

what a good baby

shadowed-moonrise

i told him i was talking a friend and he says hi

although im not sure he really gets the idea of the internet yet

he seemed kinda confused

flameofcertainty

hi baby-sibling-of-ashka

flameofcertainty

he's such a cute baby

shadowed-moonrise

his name is avidik

we keep arguing about whether to use avi or idi as a nickname

flameofcertainty

hi avidik!!

shadowed-moonrise

oh no he spilled water on the carpet

its alright its a pretty waterproof carpet

he ran at me and jumped in my arms

so!!!! good!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

eeee

flameofcertainty

baby

flameofcertainty

good baby

shadowed-moonrise

oh also have you seen this yellow violinist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGhPGH2YROA

seems like your kind of thing

flameofcertainty

wow that's pretty

shadowed-moonrise

oh i could take a picture of avi with my violin

he is not green, technically

although he also does not know how to play even a little bit

flameofcertainty

do you play violin too?

shadowed-moonrise

a little

shadowed-moonrise

im not like good at it

but it is fun

rn i am mostly actually learning to sign but i dont understand how notes correspond to mouth sounds so if i need to sightread i play songs on the violin first and then once ive heard them i can sing them

flameofcertainty

violin is great

shadowed-moonrise

it is!!!

i always felt like i should learn piano bc its easy but i like violin so much

one of my other brothers writes a lot of synth music

its really good

he plays it without telling us it's his to get unbiased answers and then he tells us and were like HOLY SHIT

flameofcertainty

gosh

flameofcertainty

that's really sweet

shadowed-moonrise

ok i’m not really online but I TAUGHT AVIDI A LETTER

HE KNOWS A LETTER

i’m so proud of him

shadowed-moonrise

hi hi

flameofcertainty

a letter!

what a good smol!

flameofcertainty

which letter is it?

i guess it might not be a letter orvaran has

shadowed-moonrise

it's [forcetranslate]a[/forcetranslate]

or uh

[forceliteral]a[/forceliteral]

shadowed-moonrise

idk if that worked

flameofcertainty

yeah

we have that sound but it's written differently

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

it's the last one in my name

[preservecharacter] a [/preservecharacter]

shadowed-moonrise

i wonder if its always the same sound

i think it can make a couple sounds in anitami

flameofcertainty

just one in orvaran

flameofcertainty

maybe two

i'm not sure if they're technically separate sounds

and then there's accents and things

shadowed-moonrise

idk if i should try to teach him to read in valtaz

he speaks some but tbh there is just no situation where you even need to be able to read valtaz

flameofcertainty

maybe someday he'll want to swap to yvalta

for some reason

shadowed-moonrise

.............i really doubt it?

i guess if he wants to retire in the Old Country

flameofcertainty

i hear older people sometimes swap for the weather

flameofcertainty

or something

shadowed-moonrise

there are apps to machine translate physical signs and stuff but i guess theyd be annoying to use all the time

flameofcertainty

yeah

if he knows valtaz he can learn to read it if he ever wants to

right?

i'm not really sure how this works

'how to teach your family foreign languages' wasn't really covered in purple school

shadowed-moonrise

i think i should probably teach him the alphabet but not like focus on it

yeah my parents swapped out of yvalta with some retirees who wanted to go there for the weather and were unaffected by the horrible contract system bc they were too old to have more kids anyway

flameofcertainty

i can't really think why else you'd want to live there

flameofcertainty

lineality maybe

but there are other matrilineal countries

shadowed-moonrise

arent most countries matrilineal?

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i think historically matrilineal was easier because like..... there can be ambiguity about who the father is if you dont have good genetic testing (and a database, in some cases), but you can always tell which person a baby literally just came out of

flameofcertainty

that makes sense for why

we're matrilineal

maybe someone who lived in ceredan would swap to yvalta for lineality, ceredan does permissions anyways

except for blues i think

shadowed-moonrise

how do blues even have kids in permissions countries

shadowed-moonrise

"ashka your family is from a permissions country" its not like they talked to blues a bunch

flameofcertainty

i think they have to impress other blues

probably they don't let you give yourself a permission

because then everyone would just do that

shadowed-moonrise

.....how many kids does the most important blue get to have tho

flameofcertainty

no idea

i think it varies by country

the one with the bears and no greys makes a big deal about the monarch only getting two

shadowed-moonrise

i guess with blues its always more "how many kids is it a good idea to have so that they can give them all a good inheritance" than "how many kids can they literally afford"

aww thats kinda cute

shadowed-moonrise

if i lived in a country where the king had like six kids i would be pretty pissed

flameofcertainty

good inheritances might be less important in permissions countries

i bet the way you impress people is with politics

or maybe real estate if you're bribing people, idk

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

it’s impressive that most permissions countries basically function okay

cuz like it seems like blues having to care so much about impressing other blues would mess with things

flameofcertainty

yeah

i don't think they function as well as most places

but that could just be propaganda

shadowed-moonrise

yeahhh idk how to tell the difference between “permissions countries kind of suck” and “permissions countries are usually small, often ex-oahk, etc, which makes stuff harder on them” and “our governments just don’t like them”

i’m low key impressed that blues in auction countries don’t make too many blue credits so they’ll be cheaper, tbh

i guess they super don’t make those decisions in spring + the international community would not be too happy about it

flameofcertainty

everyone i know from a permissions country says they suck but that's like two people

and if you increase blue credits everyone who isn't blue gets mad

shadowed-moonrise

my parents say yvalta sucks and i believe them but like idk how much it’s yvalta’s *fault*

flameofcertainty

i think the big thing is if for some reason a blue hates you a permissions granting blue can screw you over way more than a credit country blue

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that’s a big deal

idk a credit country blue can probably get you sterilized if they try really hard but it would take them more trying

flameofcertainty

yeah maybe

flameofcertainty

i've never heard of that happening in a credit country but that doesn't mean it never does

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

shadowed-moonrise

anitam is trying out a first child subsidy

which is neat i thin

think

flameofcertainty

cool

are they subsidizing the whole credit?

or just some of it

shadowed-moonrise

noooo theyre starting with like 4%

shadowed-moonrise

and increasing gradually

bc you know how changing laws goes

sooooo sloooowwwww

flameofcertainty

i guess 4% is better than nothing

shadowed-moonrise

but eventually it will be a substantial fraction of the credit i think

flameofcertainty

but probably good not to do it all at once

i know there's some countries where everyone gets one and the rest are auctioned

shadowed-moonrise

first kid free just seems so much more humane? like i understand why credits are useful and stuff but people *just not getting a kid at all ever* is awful

flameofcertainty

summary bank says alavet, av valdin, celenta, fnr, ochero, qoloc

maybe some random tiny countries that no one bothered to include

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

on the list, i mean

and yeah, i see what you mean

i wouldn't want to live in a voan country because i like knowing that if i work really hard i could get three

but it makes me sad to think about people with zero

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

flameofcertainty

i mean probably some people should get zero, like child abusers, but an auction's not going to stop them

shadowed-moonrise

hm i bet in voan/first kid free systems there’s probably a lot of four and five year olds impulsively having kids that they’re not entirely ready for but idk like maybe that’s just something they get to do

flameofcertainty

okay i'm looking at the summary bank article about the voan system

and the age when the most people have their first kid is five

flameofcertainty

but that's not most of the people

if that makes sense

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

i know when i was almost-four they made a big deal in school about how we should all get long-term all-spring birth control

i bet they do that in voa

i guess i don't know for sure

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i saw someone on tumblr talking about how they usually get the long term birth control and they get went on vacation to the southern hemisphere and just didn’t remember that they didn’t have the birth control and got pregnant

(they were asking if you can still get aftermarket credits in the *fall*)

flameofcertainty

wow

that must suck

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i hope they managed to get an aftermarket credit

flameofcertainty

yeah

i bet they're cheaper in fall

since most people aren't getting pregnant

i definitely wouldn't want to have a kid with anyone i dated when i was four but maybe some people get really lucky there

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that’s a lot of what i’m thinking about like.... most people don’t know people who are definitely good coparents for them when they’re four

shadowed-moonrise

because it just takes time to figure that out

flameofcertainty

i'd've also been a really bad parent when i was four but some of that is me-things

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that toooo

i’m four and i’m super not ready to be a parent!!

shadowed-moonrise

i feel like i know how to be a good parent in THEORY but in practice i don’t like have the energy or emotional stability

avidi was born the spring i turned four, which was really good <3

flameofcertainty

that's so good

when i was four i was living with a friend rather than my parents

but if someone had dropped a baby on me i'd have been so unprepared

and my friend was living with their parents

flameofcertainty

so there were actual responsible people in the apartment

shadowed-moonrise

nodnodnod

shadowed-moonrise

fall/winter when i was three i was spending a lot of time with friends in other cities and stuff to get awaaay but then they there suddenly like “you know what, we’re having another baby this spring” so i came back

there are some upsides to the fact that my green mom has grey babies.......

flameofcertainty

i have a little sister

i've never actually met her

maybe someday i'll be able to make myself

shadowed-moonrise

oh wow i’m so sorry

flameofcertainty

it's not your fault

shadowed-moonrise

if you want to talk about it, or be distracted from it, or whatever-

flameofcertainty

if you want the story today's a good day for me to tell it

otoh it's definitely pollution-adjacent and i don't know if it's a good day for you

shadowed-moonrise

i think i can handle it, it is a good hypersensitivity day for me

flameofcertainty

so during the voan food crisis we couldn't afford clean food past the first couple months

you'd think living on a farm would help but it had been a bad year the previous year and none of our crops were coming up that season

shadowed-moonrise

oh. oh.

flameofcertainty

and i tried to force myself to eat the polluted food but i couldn't even make myself touch it

that's not the thing yet

so i was at risk of starving to death

and my mom got one of the neighbors to give her a super sketchy probably-illegal loan

flameofcertainty

because otherwise i might literally die

shadowed-moonrise

fuck

flameofcertainty

fast forward to 3423, the neighbor comes and asks for the money back

actually he'd been doing that for a while but she'd been able to put him off

we were super not going to be able to pay it back

and the loan was sketchy enough that she wasn't really sure what would happen if she didn't

just that it would probably be worse than normal

i told her i thought it would be okay

when she asked

flameofcertainty

if she

flameofcertainty

people remember fall 3422 as the introduction of the orvaran system

that was just lathande

spring 3423 was when they rolled it out everywhere

even small farming towns need someone to collect garbage, and the jobs paid really well

they had to, if they wanted to find enough people

i thought i'd be okay

shadowed-moonrise

fuck.

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

i was really really wrong

so wrong

shadowed-moonrise

......yeah wow

flameofcertainty

that's why i wound up moving in with a friend, if i'd stayed there a week longer i'd

it wouldn't have been good

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

flameofcertainty

they didn't try to stop me

which is good

would've been silly for them to go to all that work just for me to end up dead anyways

shadowed-moonrise

hey you survived

flameofcertainty

i did

shadowed-moonrise

it was super worth it for them to do it becuase you survived

flameofcertainty

yeah

i know intellectually she's clean

but trying to be in the same room as dad or my older brother is about the same as lighting myself on fire, brain-wise

and if it's her it's worth

*worse

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

can you talk to them online or does that not work either

flameofcertainty

not really

flameofcertainty

they have my email address

they tell me things like 'you have a sister now'

she tried leaving the job once she had enough money to pay the guy back

flameofcertainty

to see if it would help, you know

flameofcertainty

it. uh. didn't.

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

i was born in 23, which. is good. because if i found out i/my parents had eaten polluted food when i was a baby

shadowed-moonrise

colorjustice says that almost all unverifiable food was actually not polluted but

shadowed-moonrise

well maybe if i payed them enough i could go through the like fucking six month cleaning process? and maybe after that it would be okay?

but im not sure it would be enough

flameofcertainty

yeah

i know what you mean

if i'd been a year younger and they'd told me it was clean i'd've believed them

if i'd been a year older i'd probably just have killed myself

flameofcertainty

one of my friends from the treatment program

didn't make it

shadowed-moonrise

i had a friend in school

who was hyper, worse than me

way worse

shadowed-moonrise

he was *going to school* but just barely, he had to take a bunch of meds with a bunch of side effects to get out of the house at all

shadowed-moonrise

and he was a year older than me

flameofcertainty

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

so their class learned about the food crisis? and he left school that day like normal and he took the train home and he got in the shower with his clothes on and took all his meds at once

flameofcertainty

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

they told me he killed himself but nobody would *tell me why* because like i was hyper too and they were worried about copycat stuff

i stayed in touch with his mom, she told me later

she FOUND him

flameofcertainty

i'm so so sorry

shadowed-moonrise

that

shadowed-moonrise

i cant imagine

finding your dead child

it was pretty hard on me but she was really never the same

flameofcertainty

yeah

wow

that's

i don't really have words

:( :( :(

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

he was an only child

flameofcertainty

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

shadowed-moonrise

i think they were sort of saving for another credit but they ended up spending a lot of money on like, building a room for him where he would feel clean, and stuff

and afterwards, it's not like she was going to have another kid after what happened

flameofcertainty

right

shadowed-moonrise

they wanted to take me out of class for the segment on the food crisis for, you know, obvious reasons, but that was winter when i was three and i’d already found out from like being online and reading stuff so i guessed what it was? and they freaked the fuck out when i was like “are you just worried about me finding out about the voan food crisis”

flameofcertainty

were they hoping to just ... pretend it never happened? forever?

it's not like it's easy not to learn about, if you use the internet

shadowed-moonrise

i guess i was going to Find Out When I Was Older

or something

shadowed-moonrise

i mean i understand the thinking there, like the last time was horrible and i could really just have found out later

shadowed-moonrise

the last time being my friend

flameofcertainty

yeah

i see where they were coming from

flameofcertainty

my school kept me out of class for anything pollution-related but obviously they weren't going to stop me from finding out about the food crisis

shadowed-moonrise

......yeah

i am so sorry you had to live through that

flameofcertainty

thanks

flameofcertainty

my parents thought about having me do online school while it was happening

shadowed-moonrise

it was like really really irresponsible to just tell my friend and i’m like not sure what happened there

flameofcertainty

i don't know

flameofcertainty

mesosensitives can be really bad at guessing what's going to hurt us

shadowed-moonrise

part of it is just that grey schools aren’t that well equipped for..... dealing with....... disability, i guess?

flameofcertainty

i had a classmate who thought it would help me not starve if she vividly described what it was like to eat polluted food

shadowed-moonrise

..........what

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i mean, i guess it’s good that they tried to help

but. WHAT

flameofcertainty

our teacher moved the seating chart so i wouldn't have to sit next to her

and gave me permission to not go to the cafeteria during lunch

but yeah, i am really not sure how she came to that conclusion

shadowed-moonrise

yeah wow

flameofcertainty

i guess if she thought i was going to starve to death unless she did something

shadowed-moonrise

sometimes i wish i could just live in a hyper colony

shadowed-moonrise

even though like i’m sort of a weird hyper? they might have called it sensitivity disorder nos if i didn’t take so many decontam showers for no reason

but it would still be BETTER

flameofcertainty

there would be a lot of nice things about that

on the other hand sometimes i hear about a hyper person thinking something is polluted and my brain decides 'oh, they must be right'

even though it was fine before

and i bet that would happen a lot more

shadowed-moonrise

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

if we all thought that the UNION of the things we thought were polluted were polluted.......

we would die very quickly, i guess

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

“oh this one guy (MADE UP) said water is polluted so uh goodbye cruel world i guess”

flameofcertainty

and even without that we'd need robots or something

to take care of garbage

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i think robots are more of a political problem than a technological one, maybe we could get away with “look we’re a hyper colony we can’t even TALK TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD most days much less murder anybody”

flameofcertainty

i think it's like

flameofcertainty

if people spent a decade developing them then they'd have them

but they aren't mostly, because of the politics

shadowed-moonrise

right that makes sense

flameofcertainty

i'm fine with mesosensitives most days, but then *sometimes* it's like they decided to figure out how to be maximally terrible

shadowed-moonrise

honestly so many jobs should be automated not bc pollution but just bc they could be and those people could then do a more skilled job or live in the country and make art or whatever but we can’t build robots at all bc of the political thing

like assembly lines could go a lot more automated than they are and then we’d just be richer and fewer as a society

shadowed-moonrise

i feel very Solidarity with hypos but sometimes..... they too........ are the worst

maybe we could get nice hypos for our colony to take care of us

flameofcertainty

maybe

flameofcertainty

there are totally nice hypos but there are also hypos who do things like put untagged photos of pollution on the internet

shadowed-moonrise

yeah it really varies a lot

shadowed-moonrise

sometimes talking to hypos is calming bc mesos are like “but MY pollution instinct says this isn’t polluted” and that doesn’t help me at all but i have an amateur theologian hypo friend who can just talk me through the theological position and that helps a lot more

flameofcertainty

it's good that you have that

flameofcertainty

and we're not perfect either

there are hypersensitives who think orvaran system workers need to all be executed

or that if you don't do [insert absurdly specific thing here] you're not really hyper

flameofcertainty

like i can't handle being around mom but i don't want people to murder her

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i definitely like

think that there’s an objective position on pollution

shadowed-moonrise

and it’s probably not exactly the theological one but it’s closer to that than to my paranoia

shadowed-moonrise

and honestly like... i *get* it but it just takes an insane amount of arrogance to be like, “of all the billions and billions of people with pollution instincts, mine is the objective truth and everybody else, including an entire scientific field, is wrong”

flameofcertainty

oh i also saw this one person saying everyone alive during the food crisis needed to be executed

that one was "fun"

shadowed-moonrise

oh my fucking

fuck that person so much

also how are they planning to run society after they’ve killed everyone over four???????

flameofcertainty

i don't know???

shadowed-moonrise

also i feel a lot of people with proposals involving doing lots of murder........... fail to account for the fact that corpses are polluted

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

anyways

how's life been

shadowed-moonrise

a WONDERFUL PRETTY NICE blue hired me and i might maybe have a crush

flameofcertainty

eeeee congratulations!

shadowed-moonrise

i don’t know how to approach this tho

“hey baby...... i would have sex with you for free (on a good day)”

flameofcertainty

if they've hired you a couple times you could ask? or something?

flameofcertainty

i am kind of bad at relationship advice

shadowed-moonrise

yes i think that i will actually do is like

wait a while and see if he contacts me

and then maybe ask him out or something

flameofcertainty

good luck!!

shadowed-moonrise

how’ve you been

shadowed-moonrise

also, i saw you post an out of stock green and purple scarf and i could try to make you something like it

i can’t do literally that but i’m thinking like getting some white silk and waxing designs on it and then dyeing it one color and then drawing on the designs in the other

this might be totally the wrong way to go about it but it sounds fun

flameofcertainty

gosh, that's really nice of you

flameofcertainty

if you ended up doing this i'd have a couple of sensitivity-related materials requests but i don't think any of them would actually make the project impossible

shadowed-moonrise

i think that kind of project would be fun rn, what are your materials requests?

flameofcertainty

the main one is not from [link to list of countries that have done cleaning and integrated ex-reds]

or eles decontaminatable

*else

but i think that might mess up the dyes?

shadowed-moonrise

ok i can do that

yeah i think it’s probably easier to just buy from not those countries than to try to... decontaminate..... dyes

shadowed-moonrise

like most commercial clothes are decontaminatable and........ have colors but they know what they’re doing and i do not

flameofcertainty

yeah

now i want to do something nice for you, help

shadowed-moonrise

umm i really like [space shoenberg], you could record yourself playing one of his pieces? although idk how much you can do that on just violin

flameofcertainty

i'll try my best

maybe i can find an arrangement or something

shadowed-moonrise

that’s so nice of you

you don’t have to, i’ll like, enjoy the project anyway

i’m not sure how to make green and purple work well as a color combo, do you mind if there’s other colors?

8 notes · View notes

vizhi0n · 7 years ago

Text

Sundown - Part 6 (Alt Ending)

If you haven’t finished Sundown - because I kno some of ya have it queued up for later - ignore this and come back bc ya know spoilers (i feel awkward for saying spoilers for my own story lmfao)

Masterlist

Well, bc I’m a sack of ass and felt bad for brutally murdering off you-know-who in the last part, I thought I’d indulge myself in another chapter where stuff actually doesn’t end up shitty for Negan. I guess, in a way, the ending felt too rushed and I feel like I always kill off my OC’s. But yeah, this isn’t necessarily “part of the story” but just an alternate as to what could have happened had I not been an asshole. Anywho, enjoy!

Warnings: just some violence and a fuckton of cursing and dick references. my aesthetic

Homies: @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash @lucifers-trash-stash @i-am-negan-trash @crzcorgi @superprincesspea @strangersangel9 @hannibalssweaters @heartfulloffandoms @negans-network @jasoncrouse @genevievedarcygranger @kijilinn @my-achilles--heel @alyisdead @rickydillon @backseat-negan @wolfhart18 @gremlinfuck @ladylorelitanyfanfiction @kellyn1604 @manawhaat @fairytale07 @fxcking-negan @lovingzombiechaos

I opened my eyes.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

My ribcage hurt like a bitch. Like I’d been hit by a car. No, like I’d been hit by two cars, and then ran over repeatedly by a fire truck.

I sat up anyway, one eye squeezed shut as I surveyed my surroundings. I sure as hell was alive — I recognized the shitty walls of the Sanctuary, the crisp smell of rubbing alcohol. My eyes began following a dizzying light as it flashed back and forth before my vision.

“There you go. Follow the light — doesn’t seem like she’s to badly concussed. Not anymore.”

“You fucking sure about that, doc?”

Oh, jeez.

I groaned, my eyes finally fully adjusting. Negan was sitting in a chair, nestled in the corner. Harlan Carson — the Hilltop’s doctor — was leaning over me, lips pressed into a thin line. I couldn’t tell if that was a good thing. His face seemed expressionless.

“I’m alive?”

“Barely,” Negan grunted. He looked pissed. “Regina put you in a fucking coma.”

My mouth felt dry. I swallowed, nodding at Carson. He hurried away, returning with a bottle of water. He had to help me drink — my arms were to weak to really even lift the bottle to my lips. The entire time Negan watched, dark circles under his eyes pronounced.

After taking several gulps, I said to Negan, “How’s your leg?”

“Been better. I don’t really fucking mind.”

Harlan and I glanced at each other, a bit put off by his dismissive attitude. Harlan looked as if he wanted to say something, eyes raking over my injured form. He recognized me, I knew. I could see it in his gaze. He wasn’t stupid enough to point it out to Negan, however.

“You should be good for now,” Harlan said softly. “Take it easy. Don’t push yourself.”

“Thank you,” I squeezed Harlan’s arm, smiling. Negan watched the exchange before standing, brushing past Harlan as he exited the room. He regarded me with a cool, almost hesitant smile. It was a warm smile, though, the facade he’d been holding disappearing.

“We’re alive. Both of us,” I let out a shaky laugh. “I can’t believe we pulled that shit off.”

“Not to bad for someone with a busted fucking leg, huh?” Negan chuckled, taking a seat next to me on the bed. “Simon and I had a long fucking chat. He’ll apologize. Eventually.”

I absently rested my head against Negan’s shoulder, trying my best not to drift off to sleep. I was even more difficult when Negan softly moved from under me, maneuvering my body so I could lay more comfortably on the bed.

“You don’t have to stay awake.”

“Stay,” I murmured.

“I fucking can’t. I want to, but I have shit to deal with. This whole fucking compound is surrounded,” Negan sounded bitter. “Nobody gets in, or out.”

“Let me help—”

“No,” Negan said firmly. “Stay here. You got two fucking bullets put in you. The last fucking thing we need is for you to get bit.”

“I won’t. I’m a ninja,” I gave a bubbly laugh, peering at Negan through half closed eyes. I wasn’t expecting him to lean down and press his lips against my forehead, but he did, leaving without another word.

I slept for two more days. I was only awake to eat, piss, and occasionally talk to Negan while working on becoming steadier on my feet. The situation outside hadn’t gotten any better. Even if I’d wanted to leave and head back to Rick, I couldn’t.

I was basically stuck with the Saviors. That bothered me only because some of Negan’s men hadn’t taken to kindly to me being spared and not killed or thrown into a cell.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Arat was the one bringing me food this time. I recognized her from Alexandria — I’d watched her blow Olivia’s brains out from the top floor of my town house. Needless to say, I had no intention of getting along with her.

You had no attention of getting along with Negan, either.

Now look where you are.

“I don’t really have a choice,” I replied, taking the tray of food and setting it on the nightstand. I expected Arat to leave after that, but she didn’t. Instead she leaned against the doorframe, analyzing me with a piercing gaze that, quite frankly, made me want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

“I’m just saying what everyone else thinks. You’re an outsider. It’s weird that Negan threw Regina out a window for you.”

“Ya’ll two were friends? You and Regina?” I said through a mouthful of food. “Shit. Sorry, dude. Lady was hella trigger happy.”

Arat glared. She made a noise of disgust, promptly leaving before I could say anything else.

Nice social skills, Rachel.

For all you know she and Regina could have been fucking!

The next day was when I finally mustered up the strength to leave the room. I’d been cooped up for a week, my only company being Negan, Arat, and occasionally Harlan Carson. I had yet to see Eugene or Dwight — I had a feeling both men were avoiding me. They had to know that I was here. Negan had made a big scene out of tossing Regina into the sea of the undead, and I assumed the news had spread like wildfire.

I still wasn't trusted to walk around without some sort of supervision, so I’d been assigned a, to put it loosely, babysitter. The man didn’t talk much, and when he did, it seemed to be in grunts or nods. Reminded me of Daryl, in a way.

One of the only times I was left alone was to shower, however, this time when I exited, hair still dripping and dressed in an oversized sweatshirt that I suspect had once belonged to Negan, my babysitter was gone and instead Simon was waiting.

He was way taller up close. And muscular He practically had to bend his neck to look at me, and I felt increasingly self conscious and a bit scared. We were alone. I had no weapon. Was he here to execute me? Kill me in one of the showers so I didn’t get blood everywhere?

Or maybe he was here to apologize. Maybe. I’d almost forgotten that he and Negan had gotten into it over that little…incident.

We stared at each other. There was an awkward silence in the air as we waited for the other to speak. Finally, Simon gave in, pinching the bridge of his nose and saying, “I’m sorry about what I did. It was rude of me.”

“Um, apology accepted? Have you been standing out here the whole time?”

Simon shrugged. He looked around, before admitting, “I guess. I thought it was only going to be a minute, but you take long showers.”

“Can I ask why?”

“I’m escorting you to you to Negan’s room,” I could hear the annoyance dripping from Simon’s voice. “As part of my ‘apology.’ He wants us to ‘bond.’ For the ‘better good of the community.’”

“Why are you putting air quotes around those words? It makes you look like you don’t really mean it.”

“I don’t. That’s the ‘point,’” Simon bared his teeth. “Sorry, girlie, but I don’t take to kindly to people who fire a bullet at my face.”

“I was trying to help get rid of that ungodly facial hair of yours.”

He lunged at me and I shrieked, darting back into the bathroom. I poked my head from around the corner and saw him standing there, eyebrows raised. Then he started laughing.

Asshole.

“I’m not going to hurt you. Negan would be…distraught if I did that,” Simon said. “He’s fond of you. Everyone can see it.”

“Is…that a good thing or a bad thing? That everyone knows?”

“Well, I’m the only one that knows you and him,” Simon gyrated his hips, tongue poking past his lips. I groaned, embarrassed. He stopped, laughing. “Yeah. I know all about that. He told me, in great detail. I didn’t even ask.”

“We were stuck in that trailer, and we got bored.”

“Hey, I don’t blame you. Or him. But not everyone thinks that way,” Simon waved a finger. “So you’d best be on your utmost behavior. There are consequences, here. Negan has to make sure people know he’s in charge.”

I stepped out from around the corner, flinching when Simon came closer. Giving me an almost childlike grin he pinched my cheeks, adding, “I wouldn’t want to tarnish that cute little face of yours. Now c’mon. He’s waiting.”

Carl had mentioned how Negan had a harem of willing women, but I’d brushed it off as Negan and his theatrics. The dude could have been a great actor.

But nope. He had a harem of pretty women and a nice parlor with an even nicer room. And in that room he was waiting, along with a guest.

Eugene.

He refused to make eye contact with me. He was sitting adjacent to Negan, speaking softly. The moment I entered he stood, dismissing himself.

“No. Eugene, sit the fuck back down,” Negan gestured with Lucille. Eugene obeyed, one leg bouncing restlessly. Negan crooked a finger, pointing to the open cushion. “You sit down, too. Thank you for bringing her here, Simon.”

“My pleasure,” Simon wasted no time in leaving.

I reluctantly sat, keeping a good gap between Eugene and I. He had yet to look at me.

“I assume you two know each other pretty fucking well?” Negan lazily raised Lucille, pointing and letting her drift from me to Eugene. When neither of us replied, he rolled his eyes and spat, “Loosen the fuck up. Shit. You’re not in trouble.”

“She and I were acquaintances back at Alexandria,” Eugene said smoothly. “We didn’t talk much. I only admired her from afar, something I now regret.”

Admired — oh, fuck.

Negan raised an eyebrow. “You had a thing for her?”

“Yes, but only because she and are homologous in that we both lack proper social skills and share similar tastes in extracurricular activities. I would refrain from calling it anything but a minor fondness.”

I was staring at the ground, hard. Negan gave a hum of either approval or distaste — the noise was so generic that I couldn’t tell which it was — before saying, “Let’s keep it that fucking way, okay? That’s not what I wanted to fucking talk to you about, anyway. I want you to tell your friend why you chose to stay with us, even after you were given an opportunity to escape.”

For the first time, Eugene looked at me. There was no fear, no facade that he was putting on. “I simply weighed the disadvantages and the benefits. My skills are being utilized to their full capacity here. Yours could be, too.”

“Babysitting and gardening isn’t a skill, really,” I said. “I can’t make bullets or fix shit like you. I can’t do most stuff.”

“Untrue. Your attitude is truculent and you have an aptitude for combat. Rick unfortunately never saw that — I did.”

“With Regina dead, I’ll need someone to replace her. I sincerely hope you consider the offer. It’s a pretty fucking generous one,” Negan smiled. “What I told you in that trailer is still fucking true. You’ll be respected here. Eugene is an example of that.”

Negan dismissed Eugene with a wave of Lucille. He left slowly, glancing over his shoulder the entire time. The moment the door closed, Negan tossed Lucille onto the couch and let out a sigh.

“God, he’s fucking weird.”

“And you’re not? I’m not?”

“You are. Don’t fucking know about me,” Negan smirked. “But I wouldn’t change you. Hell no.”

“I wouldn’t change you either. Well, maybe some minor stuff,” I grit my teeth. Negan licked his lips, staring at me curiously. I said, “Is that all you called me here for? So I could listen to Eugene make a sales pitch?”

“I was hoping I could fuck your brains out, too.”

“You have a bunch of wives out there, all dolled up,” I snorted. I’d never get over the nerve this man had. “I had to walk past them. I don’t know why of all people you would want me—”

“We went over this. I think you’re hot as shit.”

Solid logic right there.

“I appreciate that, Negan, but what happened in that trailer…do you really think its smart to carry that shit over?” I heard Negan stand, coming to sit by my side. “Like, that was then…just the two of us. Alone. This is here.” “And here is where I’m the fucking boss. You saw all those people kneel when I walked by them? I’m a fucking god to them. And god’s can fuck whoever and whenever they damn well please.”

I didn’t push him away when his lips began suckling on my throat. I just groaned, playing into his little game. I didn’t care. He always made me feel so good, each squeeze and kiss and touch sending my brain flatlining into submission. I wanted him, desperately.

“Don’t hold back on me,” Negan murmured. “This is no different than last time.”

“It is. This time we have a bed,” I chuckled, leaning in for a kiss. My mind wandered to a particularly dirty place, and I paused, glancing at the door. “Why don’t you ask Simon to get in here?”

Negan raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t think you liked him.”

“He’s growing on me. So are those muscles,” I kissed the scruff on Negan’s cheek. “I’m kidding, you know. I was a virgin until I met you. I don’t know what makes you think I’m already ready to have two dicks in me.”

Negan, face flushed, looked embarrassed. I pulled away, looking him up and down.

“Are you jealous?”

“Fuck no,” Negan replied. “I’m not fucking jealous.”

“Why don’t we get one of your wives in here, then?”

“Are you trying to piss me off?” Negan’s eyes went from mirthful to hostile. I raised my hands in a placating gesture, still unsure of how far to push him. I desperately wanted to say my piece, especially before I fell into his arms once more.

“No. I’m just saying. If you’re jealous of me and Simon, who’s to say that I’m not jealous of you and your wives? It’s a two way street, you know.”

“Hell, as far as I’m concerned, you’re one of them,” Negan snorted. “Look, I know you have your little crush and all. I know what we talked about back in that fucking trailer. Just because I opened up to you doesn’t mean that I’m going to drop everything and make you my one-and-only or whatever the fuck you want to call it.”

His words hurt, but I wasn’t at all surprised. I was more mad at myself for asking. For ruining what could have been a perfect night of great talks and great sex.

Instead I was siting before him, doubting. Doubting myself.

“Look at me,” Negan grasped my chin with his fingers. “I care about you. I wouldn’t have fucking tossed Regina out that window if I didn’t. But whatever it is you think you feel for me? Throw it away. Get rid of it. I’m not going to be able to return any of the shit you give me, and that’s not fucking fair to you.”

“Have you ever killed someone like that before? Like Regina?” “I’ve killed plenty of fucking people, and all of them deserved it.”

“No. I mean…Regina was one of you. She was a savior. You trusted her,” I swallowed. “I was a nobody. Yet you killed one of your own men for hurting someone on the other team. It shouldn’t have mattered to you whether or not I died, but it did. If I’m no better than your wives or the other saviors, why don’t you treat me that way?”

He visited your room. There were plenty of other injured saviors, yet he spent a majority of his time with you.

Why?

“Because I invest in people I think can do fucking better for themselves. You’re one of those fucking people. It’s why I’m pushing so hard for you to stay here.”

“The sex is a bonus?” I gave a sad little laugh, feeling Negan’s lips against my own. This kiss was chaste, gentle.

“If that’s what you want to call it. It’s something I fucking enjoy,” Negan purred. He stood, growling lowly. In one swift motion he’d lifted me from the couch, discarding me onto his bed. I squealed, giggling.

“Sex and…what was the other thing?” I beamed.

“Chocolate covered strawberries.”

~ ~ ~

I awoke first. I could feel Negan’s length poke against my lower back, one arm draped across my torso. We were both in a state of undress, and I’d practically moaned at the feel of soft bedsheets. Hell, they were better than the ones back at Alexandria.

I could get used to this.

I stirred, feeling Negan’s grip on me tighten. Before I could try and slip from his arms he mumbled, “Everything is fucking cancelled today. Stay.”

“Don’t I start babysitting today?” I said sarcastically. “Don’t want to be late.”

“I’m too fucking tired to determine if you’re serious or not. Shit. What time is it?”

“From the angle of the sun I’m guessing—”

“There’s a clock right there, smartass,” Negan replied, kissing my shoulder. Quieter, he said, “Shit, you mouthing off gets my dick hard.”

“I can feel,” I grimaced. I checked the clock — almost nine. I flopped back down, groaning and saying, “It’s to early for me, that’s for sure. Shit. I thought it was, like, lunchtime.”

“Even more of a reason for you to stay,” Negan kissed the back of my neck. His arms snaked around my waist, face nuzzled into my shoulder.

“You’re extra clingy today. What’s the deal?”

“Even though everything around us has turned into a shitshow, I’m feeling pretty fucking content right now,” Negan licked his lips as I turned to face him. “You being with me is the icing on the fucking cake.”

I smiled, but internally I was wincing. I still hadn’t forgotten what he’d told me last night.

He wants you to bury all your feelings for him.

You can’t. Not when he says stuff like this.

Maybe I was incapable of just fucking. Years of abuse and neglect made it very easy for me to get attached. Even now, I still had trouble distinguishing actual romantic feelings from platonic fondness.

“Why are you fucking looking at me like that? Did I say some shit wrong—”

“No. It’s not you. It’s me. It’s always me,” I snorted, struggling not to shed any tears. I could already feel them bubbling up inside me, threatening to spill forth. I didn’t want to burden Negan with whatever stupid shit was on my mind.

“Hey — shit. Don’t cry. Look at me,” Negan cupped my cheek with his hand. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s not important.”

“Yes, it is. It’s fucking important to me,” Negan replied. “Start talking.”

“About what you said last night. About…burying whatever feelings I have for you. I can’t. I don’t know how. I can’t tell if I’m in love with you, or if I’m only feeling this way because you’re one of the few people to ever give me attention like this. To care. Or maybe I’m in love with the idea of being in love. I don’t know. It’s all a big, confusing mess.”

Negan took a long pause. His face gave away nothing. I immediately began worrying that he’d kick me from his bed for rambling on.

Before he could say anything, I added, “I’m fucked up in the head, Negan. I have been, way before the world ended. Maybe this isn’t the right choice. Maybe I need to grow up some.”

“If you get any older, you’re going to fucking pass me. You don’t need to ‘grow up’ — you’ve aged enough. Hell, you’ve been dealing with this shit for years? Before the dead started walking around, eating people and shit like that? The fact that you’re alive, even after all that, is a fucking triumph,” Negan said firmly. “I’d trust you with fucking anything, because I know you could get it done. But what you’re talking about now — I’ve said my fucking piece, Rachel. I can’t love. Not anymore. I don’t feel shit — no happiness, no sadness, no nothing. I just…am. I do what I have to do and don’t think about it.”

“What about when Regina shot me? You would have let me die if you didn’t really care. I know you saw something in me. I know that. But you didn’t have to kill Regina. You didn’t have to throw her out the window. She did her job — it was a mistake. If she were alive, I would have forgiven her and moved on. You reacted because it hurt you to see me hurt.” Negan rubbed his eyes, chuckling to himself. At first I thought he was going to scold me, but instead he murmured, “Shit. I never fucking though about that. I didn’t remember what it fucking felt like,” he threw his head back and laughed. “Holy fuck. That’s what it was. I fucking remember that now.”

“Negan—”

“I felt like I couldn’t fucking move on when Lucille died. I sat in the fucking corner like a pathetic fucker, numb to the core. Couldn’t even put her out of here misery,” Negan said. “I told myself I’d never feel that way again. Couldn’t even keep my own fucking promise.”

“You,…felt that with me?”

“Fuck yes. But I wouldn’t have been able to put you down myself after you turned. I knew I would. Seeing you as one of them would have fucking broken me, and I guess I know why.”

You can say it now.

“I love you.”

Negan met my gaze, smiling. His face was flushed, and I could tell that he was embarrassed, like a young kid approaching his first crush. It amplified his boyish charm, tenfold.

“Shit—”

“Try and say it without cursing.”

“That’s no fucking fun. Besides, you curse just as much as me,” Negan leaned in for a kiss, murmuring, “I fucking love you, too.”

#vizhi0nw #negan #negans thirst squad

46 notes · View notes

survivor-tierradelfuego · 4 years ago

Text

Ep. 9: “If you’re not on top, you’re on the bottom & getting played” - Maddison

Maddison

I made the merge!!! Let’s gooo baby!

Aimee

I cannot believe me the oldest person made it to merge! I’m still shaking a little bit to be honest. Haha I always see those reality tv shows where the oldest person is the first boot. Haha and I know there are other 30 year olds but this feels special to me.

Yay merge! This lady is gonna kick it into high gear, hopefully the alliances I made and the friendships I have started help me to get far but we will see what the future brings 🌅

Olivia A.

I’m excited for merge but not sure if we’ll able to get numbers together and have a majority.

Grae G

We do be merging.... OG maola is in mini Priya so I will be spending every spare moment working my ass off to try and make as many OG Hanuha bonds as possible...

Najwah

While I'm happy to have made it to merge, I'm actually really sad about James. I've never been this sad about losing anyone in this game before. We started off never having had a one on one chat but we just had each others backs from day one. Stuck it out. Fought together. We spoke on a video call earlier and it was the most easiest conversation ever. He was genuine and kind and I wish him everything of the best in this life. He deserves so many good things. My heart is sore. I didn't want to be here with Amy. She's unresponsive and I don't really trust her. But she told me she had a steal a vote and she wanted to give it to me before tribal because it could be used post merge. And then, she changed her mind like 15 minutes before tribal she was like no this game is a distraction for me and I want to use it tonight. And it was either going to be James or me. She was in a position of power. I think she chose to vote James out coz she has previously stated that he is good at challenges. She wants to have a secret alliance with me. I agreed to it just so that I could be. Kept in the game by her I guess. I have no intention to betray other people I am in an alliance with. Idk. I'm just still shocked. I actually cried about it on a call with Cody earlier. Cody also told me that since day 1 Ben and Zack have been bitching about me voting James out and turning on James and weakening Hanúha Tribe alliance. Like? What? I'm so annoyed. Not once have I even considered voting out James. We had a good thing going. He's just one of the best people in this game and I honestly wish he was. Here. I'm not in the mood for these two faced assholes who only care about themselves.

Pedro A

im scared ..this can change the whole game

Sarah

AHHH, it’s Merge time! I’m so excited that I, along with most of my alliance, made it to Merge. Definitely sad about James being voted out at the last vote since he was one of my closest allies in the game but thanks for giving me coins and helping me get the idol James! 😊 Maybe Amy has put a target on her back after playing steal a vote and can be an “easy” first vote for the majority of people on our new tribe. Well, there was definitely a lot to catch up on in a week and I talked with Cody for quite awhile last night and he filled me in. He let me know that Ben confided in him and said he didn’t trust Zack fully either. Cody of course hasn’t completely trusted Zack this whole game so at some point, I’m sure everyone will vote out Zack. But for now, our alliance and former Hanuha tribe is staying strong. Like I’ve said, I feel like Cody and I are in one of the best positions in the game because of our connections with so many others. Aimee feels close to me, Najwah feels close to Cody, and Ben and Zack feel close to us. I have also had some communication with Grae and feel like I can talk with her. I do think there is an alliance between Grae, Maddison, Olivia, and maybe Amy though. This next challenge and tribal will be interesting for sure with a 6/6 tribe split.

Olivia A

At the moment it feels like we’re in the minority (with Pedro still mad abt the John vote) but with this idol and the plan to get everyone to target Pedro I feel like we can get in a good place again. And then convincing people to turn on Zack will hopefully not be too hard.

Maddison

It seems like the boys from original Hanuha are coming after me... and there is nothing I hate more than men chasing me. Time to bring down the hammer. :) I found an idol today thanks to the help of my lovely Rox the Sox alliance. I’m happy to have it in my possession but I’m also ready to use it for whomever in my alliance may need it. I wouldn’t have found it without them anyways.

Amy A

Made the merge 🎉🎉🎉🎉. Can’t say it has been an easy road. Almost voted out last night. Even though that was not even remotely gonna happen cos ‘Steal-a-vote’. So, definitely happy to be here but sad that I lost my advantage. Also, my alliance with Najwah seems pretty solid. I hope she isn’t just saying stuff to me just to gain my trust and then break it. I absolutely trust her. Even beyond the game. I feel like I can actually talk to her. Let’s go merge!!! Amy A. So, lies. I feel like this should be my little confessional to keep track of my lies cos 😂😂😂😂😂😂 it’s so damn hilarious to ME. I don’t even have a cat but I feel like people seem you as more trustworthy when you have a pet. I also think Grae believes I’m not aligned with Najwah cos I told her I had a mini bond w James instead. This is really entertaining.

Zack M

"well, i got it." - valerie cherish, the comeback and by it i mean the merge. i'm here. i've accomplished what i wanted to do. now my goal is to make it to top 10. baby steps. but i feel like i'm going to be the first person voted out tbh. something is off with my tribe. the only person i feel like i can actually trust at the moment is najwah. we had like a 2 hour video call last night and compared notes. apparently cody also tried to buy the necklace with her. i'm like 89% positive that him and sarah have the idol. i really wanted to go to final two with him but 1. i don't see me making 2. if i do, i don't think i can fully trust him. it's obvious he is running around talking to everyone and it's starting to get messy. anyways, i think i will be voted out first because it's clear the maola girls are working together. maddison, grae, olivia, amy, kalle all need someone to vote out. why not the guy who was the "tribe leader" at the swap. there may be some hope IF pedro stays loyal and votes with the hanuha tribe but that would also mean that aimee and sarah have to stay with us. aimee apparently told pedro she's been on the bottom which isn't a lie but like why aimee? *face palm* if hanuha stays strong and pedro votes with us then it will be 7 /5 and i should be safe. i would like to pretend to vote amy out (#Justice4James) because i feel like alan may have gave her the idol, if they actually had one like rumor suggests. she plays the idol ... we flush it ... and take out maddison or grae. that would be dream scenario. but who knows what is going to happen with this auction coming up. stay tuned.

Olivia A

Pedro A

OKay so kalle basically said...."I've been on the bottom since the John vote lol....I just don't know who I can try to connect or reconnect with at this point"...so she doesnt trust them anymore....which is nice...and i kinda believe her..considering they didnt pick her to be in the swap tribe...which honestly was a mistake......Grae and Maddison..im coming for you...karma is a bitch

Pedro A

im talking with najwah...i kinda wanna know about her relationship with amy...cause amy is a snake gURL...But i feel like its too early on to ask that...but im watching you GURL

Pedro A

lets just hope we dont self destruct...cause then we will be devoured by the habuha. tribe

Olivia A

Checked in with Aimee and she’s seeming iffy about the original Hanuha people and is still interested in working with me! This is very good news :) If we get Pedro our next and Aimee sticks w us then we’ll have the numbers 6-5.

Kalle N

This first tribal is going to be a gigantic mess. Pedro now says he trusts me and asked me really nicely to not lie to him bc he's sick of being lied to, and it just made me feel really bad. I think rox the sox is still planning on voting Pedro but if I feel like I genuinely have him on my side, I could maybe try to get our alliance to vote for someone else like Zack or Ben. Ben really wants to take out Maddison or Grae but idk how much I want to rely on Ben.

Pedro

i honestly feel like i noone is being truthfull to me

Pedro A

Honestly im scared...at this point..i just want to make it into the top 10

Pedro A

one step at a time

Olivia A.

For this challenge I’m paired with Cody. I’m not really excited about it. I don’t have anything against him but I’ve never interacted w this man before and I don’t want to help him get immunity! He seems rly nice and funny I just feel like it’s gonna be awkward and also I have 0 ideas. Doesn’t rly matter though bc we’re not planning on targeting him so if he does get immunity it’s whatever. 🤷🤷

Pedro A

Is this a jokkeeee..I'm with graeeeee .....I'm so unlucky...I'm honestly doneeee..like wtf...what did I do to deserve this ass...gods please help..

Kalle N

I don't know if you're familiar with the show New Girl or not, but it's my favorite show of all time and I'm going to use an example from it to explain how I feel. In New Girl, Nick Miller once said "I'm so sick of the lying... and the manipulating .. and the out-manipulating". I'm lying and holding so much different info from different people and groups of people that my brain is going to explode. Can't wait to see what Aimee will be like but oof this is getting crazy

Olivia A

I take back what I said Cody’s vibes are immaculate 🤠

Aimee

Haha I’m an idiot. I just sat there at the auction staring at the void. I think I’m still so shook I made it to merge that I just stare into the blankness instead of doing anything. Dang, I wish I would of gotten that envelope. I need that extra vote man. I don’t want that extra going to the Suite life of Zack and Cody. I feel like they are still a big threat to my game even if we are being friendly right now. I don’t necessarily believe in this old Hanuha strong alliance. I’m skeptical, the game of survivor is so complex and I don’t want to play this simple, it has burned me before. With this immunity challenge for me Kalle would be a simple vote to get out now. But now I have to work with her to get immunity. Damn. We will see how this goes. Your lady is gonna to try her best no matter what. No throwing challenges here , in this house.

Zack M

literally fml. i didn't get anything the auction which i don't care about tbh. but now it's our first INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE but we have to work in pairs. individual immunity challenge .... in pairs. i know. seems like kindergarten knowledge that we would work alone but like whatever. i'm partners with amy. she fucked over najwah and james. i hear she doesn't respond and she didn't even complete the last challenge. i guess i will be doing this alone. flashback to high school when i did all the group projects. this is kind of mean. amy could be a sweetheart of a person. she's been nothing but nice to me. and i did reach out to her this morning because her facial expressions during tribal do crack me up. so if you read this amy, know that my frustration isn't with you personally ... it's how you've played the game so far from what i've been able to see. + that our first individual immunity challenge isn't individual at all. whatever.

Sarah

FUCCKK. I didn’t buy anything in the auction except for a ticket with the VL (which I’m honestly thrilled about that). I definitely thought there would be 10 items, I learned my Survivor auction lesson.... So much has happened in the past hour I- Cody got an extra vote which he told me and then we discussed whether we should tell the whole group or not. I encouraged him to share it because it would keep our Hanuha tribe from getting paranoid at this first vote if they knew we had that advantage. We don’t want Zack to get paranoid and flip... So. Zack messaged Cody about Najwah sharing with him about what the necklace meant. Zack said that the necklace had to be used with an idol and would be like a super idol that can be played after the votes are read. But if Naj holds on to it, she gets a 5% disadvantage each week. Najwah didn’t message Cody about it and he was hurt and didn’t know if he could trust her. Cody asked Najwah and at first she said it was just a cursed necklace with a disadvantage and then later shared with him about using it with an idol. So we have no idea what is the truth and if Zack and Naj are closer than we think... but Zack literally wanted to vote Naj out so I have NO idea what to think anymore. I’m also worried that James shared with Naj he had shared 5 coins with me because they got close and now she may think I have an idol.... asdfghjkl. Cody also wants to start a group of 3 with Ben, him, and I but we don’t know if that will expose Cody and I and if Ben would share that with Zack. Sooo much uncertainty. Merge is CRAZY.

Grae G

Pedros my partner which sucks for him bc of my disadvantage :///

Najwah

I'm so happy about having Sarah as a partner in this challenge. Also awesome that I'm able to give people a 10% advantage. So Amy and I are secretly chatting. Initially I was ready to just blindside her and get her out but she's giving me the tea from the inside lmao and we are sharing ideas and hyping each other up and I love that. Pedro started talking to me too and we kinda connected. I told Amy the 10% in giving is for her and Zack and I'm telling Zack it's because I don't want to give Maddison, Grae or Olivia an advantage so Ben and Cody don't benefit from my advantage either. Aimee, Sarah, Zack, Amy and I do however and these are all people I'm willing to work with in the future. I have to play this very carefully. I THINK people trust me right now, but I suspect they're extremely weary. I don't want to be messy so I am sticking to Hanúha, Amy African Queen alliance and I'll listen and entertain Pedro if he wants to talk. He just needed to vent and I really think he's a genuine person. Not sure what he's going to be like now that he's working with someone he "Hates" and is "dead to him" yep my guy is hella dramatic. I feel for him though, I do. It's a game of survivor yes but the constant lying and betrayal affects one psychologically. It's important to still treat each other like humans and be kind. I feel okay right now. I think I'm in an okay position right now.

Olivia A

I take back what I said Cody’s vibes are immaculate 🤠

Sarah

Cody, Ben, and I formed a three person alliance tonight and I honestly feel really good about it. Cody and I were worried that it might expose Cody and I’s closeness but we both really trust Ben and want to talk through things and work with him. Ben brought up the point of causing chaos at the first tribal so the former Maola tribe can play advantages/idols and we can flush some of them out. I think that will be a good plan. We will get more information tomorrow and then make a decision when we go to tribal. I still haven’t told Ben about my idol yet and I feel like I may but I just want to make sure sure sure that he wouldn’t tell anyone else... After talking with Ben, Cody and I called for another hour and seriously, our friendship goes beyond this game. It’s so crazy how someone can become your best friend in a couple weeks. We obviously want to get to final three/two together and don’t care about voting each other out (if there was a million dollars up for grabs yeah I would want to vote Cody out 😂). We want to go down as the best dynamic duo.

Pedro A

really GRAE an disadvantge??????....CHILLLLEEEEE....my luck...im literally so unlucky.....anyways lets try to win either way Im so not confidente about this challenge and about the next tribal jeez...this will be a long ride

Cody A

https://youtu.be/cAF4L9RNlHg

Pedro A

me and grae did fine.....i really liked our ideia....i hope the judges like it too......IM SO NERVOUS...after this challenge chilllee...IT WILL be a mess

Olivia A

I’m excited for merge but not sure if we’ll able to get numbers together and have a majority.

Olivia A

Working with Cody on this challenge was a lot of fun!! We’re not in the same alliance but if I’m in a position where I do need to strategically work with him later on I’m confident that won’t be too difficult. Also I love what we made lol.

Grae g

Amy got immunity which is very sexy Zack not so much but you know he’s not an active target ((yet))

Kalle N

Ok I literally had to make a chart to keep track of which lies I'm telling to which people bc this is getting WILD. Basically, Ben and I are trying to organize a Grae blindside without Grae knowing anything. If all goes according to plan, we have the numbers to make it happen without me even having to vote for Grae, which will make Maddison and Olivia still trust me. We're also trying to get Maddison to play her idol so we're pretending that her name is being thrown out. In order for this to work we NEED Aimee so tomorrow we're trying to pit her against Grae and make her think that Grae is just using her as a number and wants to get rid of her. I also have to keep talking to Pedro and just make sure he doesn't spread any info or find anything out. Bc he could topple this whole thing. I've also told everyone that I have a fake idol when it's actually real, and Grae is the only one who knows it's real. So if we vote them out and they haven't told anyone else, then that secret dies with them and I'm golden. Even Ben thinks my idol is fake. I'M OUT HERE PLAYING 11TH DIMENSIONAL CHESS rn

Zack M

to quote the great philosopher t-pain, "all i do is win win win...." dude. what?! i won the first "individual" immunity challenge?! this is so wild to me. najwah and sarah's was so cute. i want the little bead man najwah made of me. she really called me an #EMOGAY ... love to see it. back to my work though ... look ... was amy my first choice? no. literally no offense to you amy because you were actually a delight to work with because you allowed me to do what i wanted to do. the secret to a relationship with me is to let me have my way. you did and LOOK AT GOD you're safe. i know i'm a threat in this game and the second i don't win i will be in the mouths of everyone ... im including my alliances in that statement. like why would you want to keep me in this game with my track record? i guess for a shield? seems risky to me. i would 100% blindside me. i would like to take a second and talk to one of the judges from this challenge: dear raffy, lord where do i even start. this is an online game of survivor that's happening while everyone is also living real life. i'm not sure what you expected from people but like damn dude ... you were really acting like you were a guest judge on america's got talent or something. make way for TRYra banks. he called himself "a moment" in his bio. let me tell you that no people wait a lifetime for a moment like this. i can't. lol. you literally gave me a 6 for appeal but gave a computer generated buzzfeed quiz a 9. these judges should really have to explain their scores live in my opinion. ALSO JUDGES SHOULD NOT BE PEOPLE WHO ARE DRAFTING PLAYERS!!! now, i'm not saying they are cheating. (please do not edit this out because i just learned that was a thing from najwah. i will share whatever is missing from my confessions on twitter or somewhere if it isn't here when posted.) it seems a lot of this game is "in the family" and i don't like that. it's hard to be unbiased. but back to raffy ... you said i should have included the entire tribe or created a whole deck. sir ... 1. this is an INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY CHALLENGE that i already had the displeasure of working on with someone else. it should have just been me on that card tbh. i'm tired of having everything comeback to a tribe. this isn't pre-merge. 2. create a whole deck? this was not some copy and paste art project. i did EVERYTHING including writing out the text on the cards instead of typing it out. now that that's out of my system .. jesus .. i don't even know where to begin with the vote. ben and i have decided to start floating maddison and olivia's names around. this will hopefully scare maddison into using whatever her MAYBE advantage from the auction is. let's flush that out. BUT the target i believe is going to be grae. we're not going to share that until later because we don't know if they're are any moles in the group. omg i just thought, what if her advantage is to steal immunity away from a player at tribal. i don't think that's ever been a thing but like maybe on this fucked up online version it could be. you just never know what to expect. hopefully everything goes according to plan and i just get to chill and see where everyone stands in the game .... and then i win again next time.

Pedro A

I dont like that Amy came to talk to me.....seems suspicious...expecially because amy and najwah for sure have an allience...LOL.....i dont even know what to say..........i think im going tonight...maybe im just being paranoid....But i have this feeling....and hey its my 3rd tribal....3 times its a charm LOL

Amy A

So my little alliance with Najwah is brewing 😂. We’re super close and tell each other everything and I think this is the best move I’ve made since the game started. Also, I won immunity 🎉. Najwah’s advantage really helped. Cos that’s what boosted us. Unless no one tells me she’s the vote, she’s NOT going home tonight. I feel really great for tonight’s tribal and can’t wait to see what’s next.

Pedro A

but im 95% sure najwah..and amy are working a together...like amy came to talk to me...while najwah was online....and it seemed like shes was comparing notes ..to what i said to najwah lol

Pedro A

it feel like Najwah came to supervise me and to get me to throw out a name...LIKE GURLLLL...you think im stoopid?....I HAVE A BAD FEELING...i think its me tonight...chilleeee...which is dumb tbh....cause theres bigger fish...

Pedro A

I feel like najwah...doesnt trust me........like shes always...suspicous of me ...i dont like that....like im paranoid...but she is AN INVESTIGATOR

Pedro A

IM going homeeee FUCKKK

Pedro A

Theory confirmed...CHILLEE...kalle told me....and Grae, Maddison, or Olivia, are planning to vote my ass out...like gurl....and apparently the other tribe was also considering voting my ass out also...wtffff...IM AT ROCK BOTTOM...and im not even playing both sides...i just want grae maddison and olivia out LOL

Pedro A

Grae´s ass better leave...i worked so mf hard on that challenge...and got a disadvantge from them ...and now they are trynna vote me out...LIKE chillleee wtf

Maddison

I! Still! Want! Pedro! Gone! Also hi Zack you’re the clear ringleader but you’ll be knocked out soon enough my guy

Olivia A

Hiii so it’s looking like we’re going for Pedro. I think we have a solid 6 and hopefully 7 if we can get Aimee to get Sarah in with us. This vote feels really important bc it’s gonna establish who has the majority. Although, anyone could flip at any time. WHO KNOWS!!

Kalle N

So last night I was stressing and now I've actually decided to just pass away. This is getting insane. I told Pedro about the Grae vote and he's in, I just have to babysit him and make sure that he doesn't say a word about it to anyone. We also NEED Cody to use his extra vote. I need to throw away my vote on someone that Amy could vote for bc I'm gonna have to throw blame on her after this if this actually works out. The lying is really getting on top of me bc I have to say different things to different people but here we are. Very big tribal tonight

Maddison

I wish some people would realize that if you’re not on top, you’re on the bottom & getting played.

Amy A

The votes are a MESS lemme tell you! The names are Pedro and Grae. We’re tryna use Cody as our decoy vote. The actual mess is in who we’re gonna involve and everyone tryna downplay their closeness to people on the other side. OG Maola tea-time seems to be working well together and have all agreed on Pedro. Maddison has taken a step back from the aggressive role cos I think she has seen that it’d make her a target. I honestly wouldn’t mind voting her out someday because she’s GOOD. I just want us all to get through this tribal and see where the lines fall.

Amy A

Najwah is an actual rockstar 😂😂😂. She and I are basically a tag team at this point. Our private messages are actually lit. Nothing is off topic and literally everything I hear, I tell her. The best part is always blaming the things I know from her from our Palena swap tribe on James. I always say ‘James told me ...’ and it’s HILARIOUS. People may have doubted at the beginning but I think that now, no one even thinks we work together. We nicknames Zack and Pedro ‘Dynamic Dúo’ and I basically love her. She’s my spirit animal.

Olivia A

The vote is still Pedro but our fake-out vote is Cody. I completely trust the people I’m working with but I’m getting a gut feeling that this isn’t going to work out in our favor. Just bc the numbers aren’t quite secure yet. But I’ll just stick w the plan and stay hopeful :/

Kalle N.

kinda bummed we didn't get to pull off the Grae blindside tonight and give Pedro the idol that no one knows about :( But I'm more bummed that Zack was treating anyone the way he did so good riddance I guess. The PB & K alliance is hopefully going to be the undercover move making force that we need to keep our momentum going forward. Unfortunately I do have to work with Ben for right now since I'm definitely on the bottom of my other alliances. It'll be interesting to see what happens next

Pedro A

SOOO this was a mess....i was going homeee tonight.........this wholee situation saved my damn lifeeee.....lets hope this was only a situational thing....and next round is someone different....i doubt it...but still......im so shocked about zack...also can i say that my nº1s change every elimination ..like now its kalle and ben ...i trust them..they had my best interest in mind....im sorry to whoever is reading this...i dont like making long texts in english..and im not good with essays.. SORRY

Aimee

I’m not sure where I left off in my last confessional lol so I’ll start here It was a lot of fun working with Kalle on the coloring and poem projects. I really liked her haiku and her originality of it. I hope she becomes more confident in her creative writing. I’m happy that we got 3rd overall. This morning I heard Grae’s name get thrown around. Haha I literally almost cried when I heard that. I’m not normally an emotional person but I feel like Grae and I have such a special connection and I don’t want to lose it so soon. They are a joy to talk with everyday and I might honestly have a little crush forming. ☺️😅 Their energy matches no other that I talk to in this game. 🤩 It was so nice getting reached out to by Grae and Maddison on how they wanted to vote Pedro out. It was such a relief to finally get included in a vote. I am working closely with Ben in this game. Our main thing is that no one can know we are working together so that we can hear information from all sides of the game. He is someone that I can spill my guts to about ANYTHING game related and I know that he is in it with me for the long haul. There’s so much we know about each other that it’s almost impossible to betray each other without burning each other to the ground! Not that I would want to! He is such a sweetheart and I love him to bits! Haha it’s hard to keep track of the days at this point. We video chat a lot and I really enjoy his company! I’m happy we both made it to merge and together we can turn this game upside down. Sarah and I call ourselves Team Casanova! The flash game queens! 👑 I love talking with her about outside of the game stuff. It’s was so great having her on Maola with me and now merge. We have built such a strong relationship and I really think she is someone I can trust through the end!!!! I really enjoy Maddison too. She seems so down to earth and easy to talk to. I’m glad she sees me as an ally and am excited to see how far she is willing to work with me. Shout out to my girl Najwah! I had no idea what all she was going through and I’m so happy that the emotional threat to her well being is out of this game. She is such a gem and I hope we get to work together more in the future. I’m honestly happy Zack is out of the game. I don’t enjoy hearing what all he was saying about contestants and the host. This game is meant for fun. I hope with him being out the game will be less stressful for us all. I’m just so sorry to hear about what people on my old Hanuha chat had to go through, it sounds even worse than how I felt about things. It breaks my heart and I’m relieved for this reset in the game where we can all air things out and come together. I love everyone here and I’m so happy Jay has decided to recruit me. These friendships I have made and continue to make have been such a joy this summer. Your lady is strong and I will keep fighting for that immunity. ✌️

Najwah

these past 24 hours have been the craziest ever and I have experienced a whirlwind of emotions, all while forgetting to eat, barely sleeping ans having not got out of bed today. Let me start from the beginning, hopefully I remember it all. Let me grab some snacks too. So it started with our first reward challenge. The auction. zack immediately asked me what I got and everyone else were sharing their bid items in the old hanuha group chat so in a panic, I told him. In retrospect, I should have lied. Anyway, zack made me doubt my trust in Cody so i decided not to tell Cody the truth about the necklace, i would learn that zack had told cody about my necklace almost immediately. But more on that later. Anyway, in a panic, i told ben too. lmao. Why? who knows? But i suppose it was an opening and Ben and i Could talk for the first time. Why am i writing this at 12 am on like2 hours sleep? who knows? Okay so then the reward challenge comes up and I am paired with Sarah. I end up having the best day ever. I had so much fun creating and chatting to sarah. We just spoke about life, absolutely nothing game related. For the first time in this entire game, I felt as though we could actually WIN and for the first time, I was having THE BEST DAY. I gave each of my 8bit survivor characters little haikus. It was funny, if i say so myself. Me? I love my silly humour. Okay this page is cutting me off I will write these in parts.

Najwah

Before the challenge due date yesterday, Cody messages me and of course I am pleasantly surprised as I have felt like things were a bit off between Cody and I since merge happened. He said he wants to call and it ends up being one of the most emotional calls i have had in a while, even in real life. Through our call, we realised that we have basically had the same gut feelings about zack and his behaviour for a while now and we spoke about how zack has been trying to pit us against each other, how controlling and jealous and manipulative he is. We basically realised that the reason we have been so mentally exhausted was BECAUSE of Zack's paranoia. zack spoke so much game. we were constantly being bombarded and had our trust and loyalty questioned and he thought nothing about throwing My or Cody's names out. All of this just validated and reaffirmed our feelings towards Zack and we decided there and then that we would vote Zack out ASAP. As we were talking, the reultsof the challenge were released and lmao what are the chances that FRIGGEN ZACK WINS IMMUNITY URGGGHHHH. We were reeling and i so much wanted to decompress with Cody but then I had my meeting with the VL draft people so I had to reframe my mindset. Bare in mind that this is all happening at 4am and im under the blankets, with a warm bean bag because it is freezing out. NajwahI actually loved my conference call with Ellie, Raffy and Tim. What awesome people. I wish i wasn't as distracted or could articulate better because I feel as though my mind was all over the place but i also took the opportunity to ask for their advice and guidance post my call of revelations with Cody. It was still fresh in my mind and they gave me some GOOD pointers. They also told me how I should approach the game moving forward. I loved how they all had such different approaches. Raffy made me laugh so much. They told me how to deal with Zack too. So some other ish went down after this call.

Najwah

Cody calls me and is like "lets get on a three way call with Sarah" After gushing about how much we love each other and how we have been on the same page for such a long time, Sarah throws an idea out that sticks. WHY NOT VOTE PEDRO OUT TO ISOLATE ZACK SINCE WE CANNOT VOTE ZACK. And we spent a lot of time freaking out and laughing about how we are going to do that. Cody was frustrated that everyone just assumed he and Zack were a duo and I said its because "Zack and Cody" to which Cody replied "Well this definitely aint the sweet life." Later I suggested that we call the group Mr Moseby and Cody said it was perfect as Zack was the bane of Mr Mosebys existance. Everytime i think about it I laugh. We spoke until my battery died, which was around 6am. I didnt sleep much because I was tasked to get a name out of pedro. I think i was messy there because Pedro accused me of being acting "like a supervisor and demanding a name from him like he is a ring leader" and honestly, it made me laugh so much. He is so dramatic I can't deal. Anyway, he knew what I was trying to do and he called me out and I apologised and honestly felt bad about the whole thing. In the end, I am happy we didn't vote him out. He has loose lips but he is very honest and I like that.

Najwah

So i feel as though there are so many things that happened simultaneously today. Amy L and I are working together on the side, she gives me all the ex maola tea. She told me Maddison has an idol. I haven't used this information yet and I won't now because it will raise questions. I told her that some of us are willing to vote Zack. The funny thing about our chats is that Amy keeps saying we need to share this tea with the VL. Any bit of information I have ever given her, she tells her tribemates she got from James lmao. And whenever I talk about her, I use James and Ryan too. Our alliance is so low key and its such a safe, unpretentious space. We have the best chats and we just spill tea for information's sake. Neither of us are going to use any of the tea. It's great having an in.

Najwah

So all day Zack has been bitching about jay and Raffy and the judges and honestly, I can't even remember what else. It was as though he got a kick out of being verbally abusive. I think he watches too much trashy reality TV, there is a difference between sassy and just plain rude. I also felt that many of his comments were borderline misogynistic. also, whatever information I have given him, he used against Jay. Today was a blur and also intense and also exhausting. I went with Cody to a mall, to visit his friend at a military base, drove around with him, chatted in his room while he was drinking a whole bottle of frozen coke. Like we spoke so much and it was just Zack's constant bitching and paranoia getting to us? Like? How does one person make so many people feel uncomfortable. Cody got on a call with Ben and told him that we had been trying to vote Pedro out and ben went ballistic and said that i am being manipulated by ex moala, he didn't know that we all wanted Pedro out. It made me mad so I called Ben too and asked him why he keeps thinking I want to flip? But he gave me his word and I guess that should mean something. Today was especially exhausting because I had to pretend and entertain Zack until we voted him out. I hated every minute because usually if i find out people talk shit about me, I either talk it out or just not talk to the person at all. I couldnt do that with him. I needed him tio feel safe with me in order for us to pull of the pedro blindside. I wanted to see the look on his face when he realised wtf had just happened. Am i sad that I didn't get that satisfaction? yep.

Najwah

Do I feel Zack should have been removed? Honestly no. I don't agree with it. I think we should have worked with everyone else and voted him out. I genuinely don't think he is a horrible person. In all honesty, I wish we could have met outside this game. I feel as though the game wasn't good for him. Not that i'm trying to justify his actions but I feel as though he got too invested and was too emotionally unstable. Most of us are here to have fun. Sure, it would be nice to win but at the end of the day it's not real life and I would much rather preserve the friendships and connections I've made in this game than win. Winning is nice but it isn't everything. Am i worried about Zack and wonder whether he will have a setback of some sort? Definitely. He has spoken about his crippling anxiety numerous times, which he has also projected time and time again.

Najwah

So Cody feels bad and blames himself for all of this. I don't blame him. I feel bad too. I thought I would feel some sort of relief with zack gone, but it is just guilt. I mean the messages were still sent in confidence and I feel bad for violating his privacy. I also feel bad for entertaining him because of the game. I don't want to be playing so hard that I go against my values. It just feels weird with zack removed. Like he wont be on the jury. I can't stop wondering whether he is okay, as a human to another human. My husband says that the Russel Hantz of Tierra del fuego got removed. It made me laugh a little. He is a survivor super fan too so he is very invested in all of this. Sigh. I may have left some stuff out because its so late and just A LOT has happened but I will keep confessing as I think of things or remember things. Oh lol Ben said he would voted Zack out in a heart beat, Basically we all felt the exact same from the beginning, no one wanted to speak out in fear of being targeted.

Olivia A

Sarah

From last night.... https://youtu.be/EirlyVVXDKk

Ben Kessler

Today was eventful, so I will skip to the end. Situationally, I believe I am not in a good spot at all. There are 11 people left, Pedro will receive votes next tribal, but I would like him to stay. My former tribe it seems as though everyone is closer with others than they are with me, except possibly Aimee but that's a stretch. Today could potentially crash my game. So, what do I do? Hope is not strategy. Tomorrow, I talk to others. I ensure everybody knows how close people are. I play double agent. I make sure I am at least in important conversations to merely be there. I let people know I want to be with them in a group setting. I re-establish that I am here to have a good time. At the end of the day, this both is and isn't monopoly. Strategy is involved, but the rules aren't as specific. You don't know how much money or property people are holding. Situationally, though, it is the same. You work with the hand you are dealt and I intend to make the absolute best of this hand. People will do what they want for a variety of reasons, so I need to let things roll off my shoulders, read, and react. To end this long confessional, I am not hoping for anything. I will be doing things to affect change. If I see it doesn't work, I lay low. Read and react.

Maddison

the pink house has become my safe haven. i shall inhabit her until i can no longer. thank you, pink house, for the many blessings of coins that you have given myself and my allies.

Pedro A

Okay...so i think grae maddison and olivia are voting me....and everyone else is voting maddison (if maddison doesnt use her ring)...and im voting olivia and using kalles idol....idk at this point 2 hours till tribal..and anything can change

Sarah

Plans keep changing every minute but as of right now going into this first Merge tribal, the plan is to vote out Maddison because it seems like Maddison, Grae, and Olivia want to vote Pedro so if they vote Pedro and the rest of us vote Maddison we may could blindside her and we could get an idol out of the game. If she plays an idol, then Pedro still goes home and original Hanuha is saved... but if Pedro wins immunity, of course we will have to rework everything. We may be able to do 4 for Olivia and 4 for Maddison .

Aimee

https://elysiankardia.tumblr.com/post/625017490490179584

Is this really happening? Am I going to vote for who I ACTUALLY want to vote for for once, as a treat? And I getting what I want...and controlling the vote?! Am I in the twilight zone? The name of the game now is to get all of my potential final allies to get along with each other and play nice. My hand is in so many cookie jars I have to be careful, all my relationships trust each other. I already have an army ready to strike if anyone tries to turn on me, and I was forming those relationships genuinely and BEFORE I needed them to come through for me, not last minute where trust would be harder to earn. I literally am running this vote off of Grae and Maddison and onto a different target. Hanuha is so deadest in getting one of the “core three” out and this is the best I can do to protect those two but also not flip on people who I trust from my original tribe. For DAYS they have been so afraid of Grae and Maddison and I’m put in massive work to divert that away from them. My plan is something right down the middle, where I get to have my cake and eat it too. I love the best of both worlds; I’m Hannah Montana!

Maddison

Tonight is going to be a big one. I’ve heard my name and I really don’t want to go home with an idol in my pocket. Better safe than sorry? Olivia AI really hope this vote works out I’m NERVOUS!! Also, I worked really hard on this challenge so getting the disadvantage when I had 2 puzzles left was shitty but I don’t really need the immunity anyway. Still felt really good to finish it out regardless of if I win. :)

Sarah

Amy A

Tribal again and with it, ALLLLLL the drama. So I have made a ‘vote four’ alliance w Kalle, Ben and Pedro which is supposed to be secret. Which makes it two secret alliances I’m a part of 😂😂😂😂😂😂. The alliance w Najwah is definitely the one I’m most loyal to but Pedro and co seem like a really solid group I can work with. I didn’t think I’d win immunity so there’s that. About tonight’s vote, the new ‘core four’ is aiming for Grae but in order to keep the alliance a secret, only Pedro will vote for her. It’s all exciting stuff and I KNOW tonight’s tribal is going to be THE ONE. Cannot wait.

Olivia A

I really hope this vote works out I’m NERVOUS!! Also, I worked really hard on this challenge so getting the disadvantage when I had 2 puzzles left was shitty but I don’t really need the immunity anyway. Still felt really good to finish it out regardless of if I win. :)

Aimee

Nooooo I didn’t need Olivia to win immunity. That way she is one of the “core 3 Maola” out. Oh man I don’t think I can save my game and Maddison at the same time. I got the target off Grae after merge happened. I worked so hard for that so this all wasn’t for nothing. There’s like fifteen minutes before tribal and I’m still not entirely sure what is going to happen.

#episodes

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