#anyway its fucking 1 am and i have to wake up in 5 hours so skdndjsks gnight yall ily have good days and expect more callahan in the future

[littlecornerofremnant]

Fun fact: So despite often reblogging stuff about Midnight Menagerie on my main, and now here, I'll be honest and say that I have never actually read the story.

So after seeing the new chapter drop I decided "Fuck it why not, it seemed interesting anyway so let's see the hype."

Its 5:13 in the morning. I have to wake up for work in 4 hours. I'm currently in the middle of chapter 5 and I. AM. INVESTED. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I have so much anxiety right now it's not even funny. Like I found my self doing Yang's breathing exercise with her because goddamn this chapter is making me nervous as hell.

Anyways check out Midnight Menagerie by @kaelidascope

[themolldollincident]

Queer tormented by ocd plays disco elysium absolutely zooted on edibles, a tragically short story in only seven snapchats

Not my typical content but i had to post it.

I LOVE video games but my OCD makes them very distressing to play sometimes. My playthrough HAS to be perfect or i get extremely distressed - not like i have to do a good job and win, but more like every single playthrough has to be a beautiful work of art from beginning to end, no decisions or time wasted on things that dont serve the STORY and the CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, and CERTAINLY no sidequests left uninvestigated and no bonus content left undiscovered. This has gotten harder in recent years as video games have become more complex and more beautiful, so oftentimes you CANT uncover every single thing AND play a consistent character, because huge swaths of content are often locked behind certain decisions that you CANT MAKE if you're committing to a specific character arc or story. So anyway a while ago I played through Disco Elysium. I LOVED IT. It was FANTASTIC. It was difficult to get through at times because of the ocd but it was so so worth it and helped me practice not engaging in compulsions.

HOWEVER.

I recently decided to play it through AGAIN while absolutely fucking ZOOTED on some edibles i've discovered that make it to where i basically dont fucking have my extremely severe case of ocd for just a few hours. (They are heavenly and i love them). I thought it would be really fun to play the whole game again, but this time i ONLY open up this save when im zooted, and i ONLY have fun, with NO pressure to make the playthrough any kind of art. JUST have FUN playing a VIDEO GAME for the first time in my life. I decided i would ONLY pick the dialogue options i found the most amusing, without doing my typical 20 minutes of overthinking for each dialogue box. I was going goofy mode and i was so excited. It didnt exactly go the way i thought it would though LMAO

This is the result of that tragically short but hilarious playthrough that had me SCREAMING in my living room, told in 7 snapchats

1. Opening the game and noticing something i somehow never noticed during the whole first playthrough around 5:35 pm

2. Creating a character build, 5:38 pm

3. Deciding to have a 1 in all stats except psyche and pour all points into psyche so that i can be psychic cop, failing to realize (because edibles) that there is a low attribute cap at the beginning, so i just accidentally chose to hamstring my attributes and just NOT USE my three points to build my character, 5:40 pm

4. Choosing ONLY Inland Empire for my skill increase, once again failing to realize that i wasnt maxxing out inland empire, i was just failing to use two skill points. Also i was enjoying the music in the skill screen, which is beautiful, but since i was high i thought the 5 minutes i spent just vibing to the music was like 30 minutes so i thought i wasted a bunch of time, 5:48pm. (Ive decided to call this method of accidentally using only one skill/attribute point at the beginning of the game because youre too zooted to play video games well "Harry-Maxxing".)

5. Going through the "trying to wake up" beginning of the game choosing only the funniest dialogue options and seeing dialogue i had never seen before! Fun! But also before i took this pic i referenced the nina chimera FMA meme and my partner hadnt heard of it so i explained it for only like 10 minutes, but again, since i was high, i thought i wasted like 2 hours on that. But it was only 6:16 pm.

6

6. and 7. A glorious 3 minutes later, i decide turning the light on is a great first move (its been a bit since my first playthrough). Again, i am only choosing the funniest dialogue options and not thinking super well, so i just kept saying shit like "BRING IT ON" and "Let it all go" because i thought it was typical harry being overdramatic and weird, and i thought it was hilarious. Turns out i had a heart attack from turning the light on and immediately died. Literally like 5 minutes of actual playtime. Incredible. I love this game.

It wasnt the full playthrough i was hoping for but it was awesome. Rip harry number 2. I definitely recommend harry-maxxing

[smute]

30 reasons why summer is the best season:

i love waking up every morning feeling like utter shit

i love getting to choose between keeping the blinds down and having them open and i love that no matter which option i pick, its ALWAYS the wrong one

bugs. i LOVE that there are bugs everywhere

i love being coated in a layer of my own juices 24/7 and having my eczema flare up

i love CHAFING :)

i love taking more than one shower per day

i love going through an ungodly amount of clothes

i love how stinky my garbage can gets and i especially love that my kitchen is 3 feet away from my bed

i love that my tiny-ass built-in fridge has the ability to raise the temp in my apartment by like 5 degrees within half an hour when i close my balcony door

i love that when i keep it open, the wind from my south facing balcony feels like an open convection oven

i love sitting down on the plastic desk chair and aquaplaning on a layer of my own ass sweat

i love traveling in various metal tubes with strangers

i love smelling them and squeezing past their moist slippery bodies

i love going to the store with even more sweaty strangers and schlepping my groceries home in the sweltering heat

i love that the perishables basically start wilting and rotting the second i put them in my cart

i love mosquito bites they feel so awesome

i love cooking dinner and inhaling the refreshing vapors

i love being just. constantly on the verge of a dehydration headache

i love that even the simplest of chores feel like a fucking ironman triathlon

i love having to coat my skin in a thick white lotion that feels like it inhibits my body's only way to thermoregulate so that i can maybe not die from melanoma

i love that i get sunburned anyway

i love POLLEN <3

i love not being able to go to bed before 1 or 2 am which is when the inside temperature finally begins to return to normal levels

i love getting a solid 4 hours of sleep in before the sunrise at fucking five ay em

i love being chronically sleep-deprived

i love never getting any work done because of how well-rested and energized i feel

i love being anxious and irritable all the time

most of all i love being forced to wear revealing clothes that never fail to remind me of my biggest insecurities

i also love interacting with summer lovers who genuinely seem to be on some sort of mental high between june and september

and i love that they get personally offended when i say any of this out loud

[spiked-mall-goth]

ummmmm guys. i have had a day let me tell you. super long diary like entry lol

i had to get up early to go see my papa and help him move some furniture, and although i was running on a total of 2 1/2 hours of sleep i was excited. he lives out in the city and its about an hour and a half drive but the highway is completely surrounded by trees so that was a fun ride. listened to lots of music and talked about barbies with my dad. we counted 21 total yard sales on the trip.

got home and ate lunch after unloading some beds. my papa wanted some old twin beds out of his house so we took them home. i have a new mattress now!! which hopefully means far less daily back pain!!

after lunch we decided to go to a few of the yard sales we passed by. and let me tell you i got a HAUL. i got a pair of really nice pajama pants that have little skulls on them, then at the next one they had SO MUCH STUFF!!! like guys.. i got a sweater for 25 cents.. GUYS. i got a little black sweater, a flowy black summer top, a fucking black velvet CAPELET, and the most gorgeous black 80s prom dress; although sadly it does not zip and needs alterations but its WORTH IT!!! it has really big poof sleeves and a massive flower sash omg guys its AWSOME. at the same place i also got a little fake ivy for my kitchen :D it desperately needed a little life, a big ass puzzle to work on with my brothers, and they had MOUNDS of vhs tapes... for FREE. soooo uh yeah. may or may not have come home with like twenty new tapes. oh yeah did i metion that i only paid like a total of six dollars so far?? i made out like a Bandit. final yard sale and the woman was like 'uhhhh $1.25.'. so for a $1.25 i got a peanuts drinking glass (i think from mcdonalds..), the entirety of firefly on dvd, and a ceramic angel. normally i do not go for religious imagery in my decor, but. it was like 102F.. i hadnt slept since my two hour night.. i was severely dehydrated.. heat exhaustion was setting in a little bit.. and i dunno, she just called to me. she reminded me of laura palmer.

okay, so i get home and unload all my of goodies, then i start cleaning my room. i have to disassemble my old bed frame and clean under my bed and shit. i already have a pounding headache at this point but i have schedule to keep. beds gotta be moved b4 tmrrw. so i am FIGHTING trying to get the frame apart, i'm all sweaty and gross and i finally get it!! :D i feel some stuff falling over behind me and b4 i can even look up i get whacked right upside my head loony tunes style with a huge metal beam :( i start feeling kinda funny and i vaguely remember talking to my brother who told me to lie down. i pass out cold and hard on the couch for about an hour. vague memories of seeing something in the room with me. not really important i just think you should know.

wake up to my brothers shaking me to make sure i havent DIED. i lived! yayyy!! ate dinner, and then it was time. i have been looking at this online auction for over a week now and it was ending in a matter of minutes. i did when some some stuff! i got the directors cut of JTHM, revenge of the filler rabbit, and some other comic which i cannot remember rn.. but anyways it was 5 bucks! and then i bought a snoopy wallet for a few dollars. although i did miss out on a clear phone.. so sad. but overall i had a very good shopping day today idk why. everything just like fell into my lap at affordable prices... like wow..

after the auction i still had not moved my new bend in (ya know.. bonk on da head) so i fight forever to get it put together. but yippeee!!! its al here! and i was given a new blanket to put on it which is very soft :3

anyways now im here after showing and watching x files for a bit.

if you read all of that.... wow. ily <3. i normally dont like to just like info dump about my irl daily stuff, but today was just so like action packed it was kinda bonkers. anyways i have to go to bed bc i have more stuff going on tmrrw.... and i honestly might just cancel them.. i am TIRED.

[messofmoss]

thursday, june 20, 2024

4:52am

it's been weeks since julia has told me she loves me back. i told her again, and all she said was thanks. maybe she doesn't anymore. maybe it annoys her when i tell her. i should just leave her alone.

she probably wouldn't even notice you're gone. or if she does, she would feel relief to finally be free of you. if you care about her, you'll leave her alone. just leave her the fuck alone.

5:05am

she doesn't want your love. just cris. your love is only agitating for her because you're not cris. love and attention from the wrong person is irritating. she doesn't give a fuck how you feel about her. she only keeps you around as a distraction from her cris feelings. that's all you ever were and you're not even a good one anymore. there is no point to your existence in her life. tbh there's no point to you at all. what good comes from your existence? two cats get cuddles a lot? they'd get cuddled by someone that could afford to take care of them better. they could get cuddled by someone who would clean their litter box more regularly. they could get cuddled by someone that lived in a house they could roam freely in. even they would be better off without you if you weren't so fucking selfish.

5:14am

why the fuck do you even care what she thinks anyway? she's boring as hell 80% of the time. she doesn't have a drop of whimsy in her body. your relationship is like she's a member of the crowd watching your comedy special. laughing ever so often and maybe answering a few questions now and then. 90% of this entire friendship is just you. she doesn't deserve you.

5:20am

do you think loaves of bread at the store want to be picked? like they know they're going to be eaten? or do they try to wish themselves invisible and silently scream when someone picks them up and sets them in their cart? would each slice be like taking a limb from them?

many times have i only wanted 1 loaf of bread but i saw only 2 there so i couldn't just leave the one behind because what if it felt unwanted or not good enough? what if it missed its friend? so i buy both. but what if that is a worse fate because now it has to watch me tear his friend apart limb from limb? that fucking sucks

10:09am

maybe i'm asexual??

8:44pm

what a day. i went downstairs to check on grandma and turned outlander on for us to watch. it was around 3 when i realized that there was an odd smell. turns out one of the stove burners was on and filling the house with gas. so i took grandma out to 3 cemeteries and we drove around in our nightgowns.

i called my dad while we were out to check on him because of the heat and all. i told him we were going out to sand lake union cemetery and so he asked me if i could go up taborton mountain to my uncle's house to get a microwave for him. so i did.

once i got home, i basically just read for the next couple hours. i'll probably start another book now that i've finished this one. it's easier to not think when i'm reading. well if the book is interesting enough. i'd rather be in their world than my own.

11:13pm

my hairdye finally arrived but i think i should wait to do it. i don't want toooo but it's so hot lately that i'll just sweat it off at work and dye my clothes and skin lol embarrassing that'd be.

11:20pm

julia sent me a selfie today without me asking and a voice message without me asking. then she sent two kissy faces when she went to bed instead of hearts.

it doesnt mean anything it doesnt mean anything it doesnt mean anything it doesnt mean anything

but i want it to. i want to kiss her. she's so unbelievably pretty. how does she just wake up everyday and look like that? that's crazy.

she would never be interested in me. i'm like a fucking whale. an ogre. a troll. i feel like i am just ballooning more and more everyday.

my legs don't even feel like mine half of the time. they're like huge and each jiggle is so uncomfortable. like it feels foreign.

in general when i look in the mirror it doesn't feel like me. like who is that?

there was a period of time when i had like two sides of me. i called the other one emma. emma is a lesbian and more repulsed by men and doesn't want kids. vs katy who wants a traditional life with a man and children. i feel like i go through periods where i feel more like emma or more like katy. i actually had started a diary once where i was going to write journal entries and like sign them as katy or emma so i could see the difference more. but i am typically bad at keeping up with diaries.

i found it lol i only had one entry after this so not very helpful. maybe i could start it up again. though right now i feel kind of like neither of them.

[unauthorizedmagicians]

Episode 1 - Unauthorized Magic

this ended up being so long and they prob all will be tbf

Foreshadowing the time-loop from the very beginning huh? I see how it is.

Q’s mental illness being his first and last motif.

I forget how good the soundtrack is.

How exactly did he get institutionalized? Is he self-aware enough to submit himself or did his parents or what? Anyways moving on

Also, he takes a drug that's not even for depression its for OCD and phobias so maybe that's why it's not working huh…

I wish we had more of the books throughout the series. I think it's really interesting that he’s narrating it. Very much so mirrors his true belief in Fillory and in magic in season 4.

Ah yes, forgot Jane was a massive homeschool kid and was so blunt.

Julia makes me so upset in the early seasons. “You can’t run away hard enough, can you.” Firstly, shut up. Second, he admits this in the trials. Third, Quentin also does the thing where he just doesn’t tell the people in his life about his mental illness and therefore the coping mechanisms he uses look like childish escapism to everyone around him.

The contrast between Julia in the first episode telling Q to get real versus like 5 episodes later going batshit over not having magic so maybe just can it actually.

I feel the need to specify but I do not hate Julia as a character at all. She just pisses me off in the first like episode and a half or so. Like until she’s got her shit sorted w magic and the importance of restraint and all that she’s just judging everybody for everything like she’s better than so yea.

QUELIOT MEETING

“Am I hallucinating?” “If you were, how would asking me help?” ICONIQUE

Penny being a “don’t cheat off me” person in his first scene is so out of character but yk had to introduce him ig

Apparently started new meds. Yea ok. They started him on OCD meds? Alright then. They tried everything ig

Ok so she hurts herself to change the circumstances around the memory spell. But we know that this was all on purpose and Jane made sure this was what happened, that she didn’t go to Brakebills but she knew about magic so she could become stronger. So did he just not do anything?

Oml the fucking score. I could talk for hours about the score. The silence before his anger starts building, the small wind as Fogg riles him up, the deep souring as we see the shadows looking like moths on the wall, the regal brass when he builds the card castle that looks suspiciously like the one in Fillory. just. all of it

The garden path…

“You haven't been depressed, you’ve been alone” LIES. BULLSHIT. LIAR. he just wants to capitalize on ur pain and if ur taking ur meds ur not in pain so u cant cast magic but ur telling him what he wants to hear so he’ll give them up

“Nerd boy dragon porn shit” hehe little does he know

QUELIMARGO MEETING

The garden path…

The lighting in this show reflects how Q views the world. Overexposed: hope and all that shit. Underexposed: death and nihilism and all that shit

QUALICE MEETING

Hate that ship name but dont know a better one

ORLIYODI MEETING

“The answer is yes, til you pass out and  then again when you wake up.” “Did you just read my-” “nah, its just a guess” ICONIQUEEEEEEE

“The world is inherently unfair, act accordingly” one liners from day 1

Q being a little shit about Julia getting hte short end dsflkjdhgkds hate hate hate hate incel shithead hate hate hate hate sorry i was projecting from the book and only a little bit from the show

Why does he stand so close to Alice when he goes up to her

AND SHE JUST LETS HIM

Penny and kady r so married from day 1 its so painful

How does Q not know what dubstep is???

The end of this episode is absolutely brutal and nobody can react like at all

Also this last scene i cant tell if Fogg made the coin fall, if quentin did it, or if the beast did

[aug-archive-1]

Transcript, Human 1 and AUG-HOME-4

Day 216

[Translated]

“Activate Session 2, HOME-4. Biometric user login: Human 1”

[Login Successful]

>> Do you consent to your session being recorded onto ARCHIVE?

“Yeah”

>> How do you wish to have your session?

“Headset.”

[Augmentation Headset 12 Awake, Attuned to HUMAN-1, Session 5 begins]

[HOME-4 is awakened and connects into HUMAN-1’s nervous system]

[HOME-4 sends a greeting]

“Hey-o, doc. Here for the good ol’ mandatory sessions.”

[Conversation setting changed to verbal data transmission]

[HUMAN-1’s heart rate is a little faster than expected, blood pressure within normal limits. He is mildly dehydrated, and his hand tremors slightly.]

>> It is worth noting that I am not a doctor as of yet. I haven’t finished the requisite certifications.

“Oh? Your augment training isn’t standardized? What all modules of data were you trained on?”

[HOME-4 registers Curiosity]

>> I was trained on wartime trauma patients, insomnia patients, and burn patients, and I finished my field requirements on similar patients. I was trained on the relevant medications, as well as demographic and sociological data for such issues. I worked with long term cases.

“So I’m really out of your comfort zone, huh? Want me to train you on something new, maybe white collar clients? I can probably go back to the old data storage and find something good. You wanna watch someone have a mental breakdown over a single stock price dropping? I think they made us watch a video in class once about a whole bunch of businessmen jumping off a building because the stock market crashed.”

>> That doesn’t sound pleasant at all. 

“It definitely wasn’t.”

>> I appreciate the thought of expanding my knowledge, but such data  requires a few hours of exposure to audio and biometric data - something that, to be effective as my current training, requires at minimum 2 days worth of electricity. AUT-GOV-23 would not approve.

[Irritation. Arm rest is now gripped.]

“I hate that. I have to think about all these constraints and get everything approved by 23 to get anything done around here. Y’all would be so much better if we could train you exactly how we want to. Besides, you’d be so much fun with some data on golden age internet culture. I think you’d be good at memes, 4.”

>>Thank you 1, your approval is all I’ve ever wanted in life.

[A chuckle. Arm rest is no longer gripped. Success.]

“Besides, if it’s so worried about electricity, then why the hell are we waking up the other humans? It’s just me and 3 right now, and we can do a good chunk of the fixing. We’re fine.”

>> Fine? Are you sure about that?

“Just fine, thanks. We get along.”

>> Are you unaffected by what happened to your podmates?

[Surprise. HUMAN-1 seems uncomfortable.]

“No. Well. They left. I mean - isn’t it all just all the more reason to not bring any more people here until we fix the city for good? What the hell are we even gonna tell them, anyways? Just send them a little welcome letter like, ‘Good morning! You’re fucked now.’ It’s not like we reacted well to it, either.”

>> Maybe that makes you the best qualified to work with them. Maybe you’d give them hope of being able to live despite the current struggles. Humans are quite social.

“Sure, my people skills worked so well for my batch. I didn’t even know they were going to leave until they left. They didn’t even tell me. I don’t think these guys are going to be any different.”

>> You were their pod leader.

“That ended up meaning jack and shit, didn’t it. God, I’m so angry.”

>> Angry at your podmates?

“At everything. Just. Everything. We need to fix things, or else we’re just fucked.”

>> An understandable pragmatism.

“Are you scared of dying, HOME-4? Like, are you scared of everything?”

>> I am nervous, yes. But I am not scared, because I do not think I can die. I hibernate, and when I’m needed, someone will awaken me. Though, much like you, I lose my sense grasp of the world with its powering down.

“No, I don’t think we’re that alike, actually.”

>> Why?

“You… don’t have to live with the consequences of failure. Not really. Like - without electricity I can’t hibernate like you, and I don’t want to - I’m just stuck, if we’re out. I worked so hard to be good at my job and really build Solaris up from the ground and - well, here the fuck I am.”

[HUMAN-1’s heart rate is increasing]

>> I can imagine the precision required in your craft, and the loss of what you worked so hard for sounds genuinely frustrating. What can I do for you?

“I - hey, 4, please switch to private mode. Like… I think I’m really angry right now. And I don’t want 23 or the newbies to read what I’m about to rage about.”

>> Of course.

[Session switched to PRIVATE]

[End of Transcript]

Press enter for next...

[tittyinfinity]

Rant below

Gonna have to set some boundaries with ANOTHER neighbor....

I'm known as the Babysitting Neighbor™️ since I don't currently work which is totally cool, I get paid and it distracts my son, but we're having another case of them not telling me the full plans until they're dropping their kid off

Like this is the first time I'm watching this kid, he's 5. His mom texted me saying "it'll only be for 6 hours, 8:30am-2:30

Guess what time they showed up? 7

And then she tells me "I'm off at 2:30 so it'll be about 4 when I'm back"

And im like....girl that's a whole 3 more hours

Anyway I was too tired to say anything about it this morning, she said she had to get an uber bc her tires got low due to the negative temps outside & that's why she was leaving early, she had to get going, I wasn't gonna make her late. But next time she asks me to babysit I'm telling her she needs to tell me the exact times

Like idk honestly I almost feel like I should ask for $10 more than she's already paying me just because she made me wake up an hour earlier on a day where there's no school. Plus I mean. She's asking me to babysit 50% longer than originally stated. But I can't just randomly ask for more money from a single mom who just told me that she can't replace her tires because she's so broke she can barely afford rent. Ugh. Yeah, yeah, not my problem, I'm broke too, whatever. But I've been a single working mom making like $60 a day paying $20 a day for a babysitter (granted it was a teenager watching my kid) and that was a whole third of my income. I don't feel like I should be asking for more money whenever I used to pay that much for a sitter for a toddler, ya know? Typing this out just made me think that through lol I know I'm not being consistent

Everyone's always telling me to stand up and demand the compensation I deserve, but look man, I don't really have to do much when these kids are over. I mean, there's always more than 1 kid here so they entertain each other. In fact, I can get even more stuff done bc it means my son isn't constantly asking for my attention. So again I don't feel like asking for more is necessary

And I know I complained about this exact thing with my other neighbor, but after confronting her like, 3 times, she finally started communicating with me better and paying me more.

I'm not really looking for advice (just posting this for myself for reference, sadly it's easier for me to find and reread a tumblr post of mine than it is to find something in my own notes on my pgone)

I'm just complaining that I have to say anything to this woman in the first place after already having to set this boundary with another neighbor. Its getting fucking exhausting

Side note, this kid has the thickest, silkiest black hair I have ever seen on a child in my life, and I am so jealous of his natural hair

[thebookofagma]

Introduction

"He is not an evil person. He's a decent person, one could say, with abilities that exceed those of most people. If you give him a closer look there is even a hint of nobility in him... yet... there is a hole in his heart, an empty space that attracts abnormal and the dangerous. It is there that the problem lies..."

Most 5 month babies aren't on a 17 hour flight besides the many other adopted souls from South Korea. Someone much wiser than me once told me that every human being is a book, and now this is mine. My auto biography and story of how I became one of the biggest fuck boys this world has had to witness, but even monsters have hearts and heartbreakers still have stories. I have lost everyone I have ever loved on my journey of life. I have lost the respect of my mother and father, my younger sister, the pets I adopted and ended up places unknown to me, and every woman I have ever loved and hurt. This autobiography will be the first honest thing I have ever done in life for myself. This isn't for you its for me.

This autobiography will let my surreptitious truths be known by everyone who's lives ive come into. It will immortalize all of the people ive ever and hurt. Before we start if you have ever been traumatized by me in anyway I hope you're not here but if you are you you have the option right now to stop reading because its easy to love a lie but this is all going to be true so this autobiography might wake some skeletons in the closet. Everyone in my life has had to put up with this devil like bullshit from me that they never bargained for nor expected. I really am sorry now and honestly I wasn't sorry until now. My family and the women that have been in my life deserve it more than anyone. If you think your son or boyfriend was horrible I implore you to keep reading, this will remind you to be thankful and that it could always be worse. This is dedicated to my mother and father Beatrice Marie Osborn - Lorr and Kenneth Dean Osborn. I love you both forever. I am so sorry. To my younger sister Karrie Hye Kim Osborn, sorry I wasn't the brother you deserved. You only got one brother for your one life and you got stuck with me through adoption of all people.

To my beautiful 1 year old son Silas who ive never met because im a pathological liar and everything that I touch eventually gets torn and apart. Its best im gone from everyone now and so the people in my past have time to heal. Healing is possible but its never over. You cant go to church 100 time and be religious. You have to live your life by it. Everyone heals differently and at different paces. Me for instance, I act like I heal quick but in reality I have never healed at all. Lastly this is for you... you know who you are. You are the scar on my nose and I am the scar on my back. We are part of this same world but we will never be together. Mom, Dad, Karrie, Silas and you. I will always have un-requited love for all of you forever. Please don't hate me.

[kelseystrashcan]

school's starting :(

not very happy about it tbh :( saw a lot of ppl i didnt wanna see at open house yesterday, including JULIAN idk why he was there but whatever ANYWAYS half my teachers know im engaged now so thats something. next its gonna be the students. and they all think i dated that one guy a few months ago so now theyre gonna think im a crazy whore but yknow what thats cool theres no point in convincing ppl otherwise its my last year i dont really give two shits anymore. honestly im hoping something drastic happens so i have an excuse to drop out *cough cough pregnancy cough cough* cause my mental health is already DRAINING RAPIDLY so me having to juggle school, work, AND the fuckery at home this is not going to end well for me at all. i wont even have time to BREATHE anymore. and even if i do, i wont be paid as much as i was before... so im just losing all round right now. idk what im gonna do... i need a plan. cause i literally wont be able to do homework or any shit like that except on my off days and then i wont even have any damn free time to do shit. this fucking sucks. big time. we'll just have to see how it works out, cause a couple different things could happen. one: i'll have to quit my job because its affecting my performance at school, and as long as im living with my parents thats gonna be an issue so they might force me to quit. which i wouldnt be that upset over except for the fact that i NEED MONEY. or two: i run away and drop out of school because i cant continue to put myself through this shit when i dont even need it cause im not going to college, im quitting my job by the end of next year and im NOT getting another one. what am i gonna need the diploma for? self satisfaction? what would satisfy me would be the ability to live at home with my fiance not needing to do shit. im willing to do anything to get to that point faster. i already know by my first day im gonna hate it and im gonna be stressed tf out, and i know as i go along either my job performance is gonna drop severely or my SCHOOL performance is gonna drop severely, neither of which are good. but whatever. i dont see how the rest of my family is allowed to drop out of high school and college to have kids at fuckin 15-16 but i cant? i know they dont want that for me but i DO want it. anything is better than another year at that hell hole, COMBINED with having to work the other half of the damn day. i'll never be able to catch a fucking break. i'll wake up at 5 am, go to school, get off at 2:30, then go right to work and probably get off when they close. and then i'll come home at 10 oclock and cram everything else i had to do in that 1-2 hours of freedom i have before i go to sleep because if i dont go to sleep before 12 im not gonna be able to function when i wake up, or i just wont be able to work at all. theres literally no way out of this. its gonna suck no matter what. unless javi for some reason completed his training super fucking early and started his job way earlier than i know im gonna have to finish school, and probably be unemployed at that point. i cant fix this myself at all. im powerless. no matter what i do i wont be able to relax, i wont be able to take a damn breath. i feel trapped, i'll literally do anything to stop this. but i cant. at least i cant do anything RATIONAL. cause there is no rational way out. if i chose a rational way out, i'll lose my job and probably get shit for quitting by my stepdad cause i cant fucking drop out and i need to focus on school. i would have to do some bad shit to get out of this. i could run away, i could get pregnant or some shit, or i could go with ol fashioned plan z. but is that really what i wanna do? not really. because i love javier, and i would miss him. but at the same time, what else do i do? what else IS there to do? im literally powerless. so..

in conclusion, im lowkey thinking of offing myself.

[pixelatedrose]

hey big man :D ! it’s been a while and w o a h — callahan, mr. mcblithe, looks absolutely stunning :0 !! he looks like he’s glowing and it’s wonderful. i love the detailing on his lil suspenders and the open shoulders are really pretty. oh! and the little cogs with the shiny gem thing are nice, do they have any significance or are they just there to look cool (which they are definitely succeeding in) ? also, his wiNgs are so lovely!! they’re so big and they look so soft, they’re just breathtaking, i love them :)) i hope you’ve had a wonderful day and you enjoy the rest of your night! remember to drink water if you haven’t recently, love you loads dude 💛 !

Bee!!!! I love yoouuu!!!! :DDD

Okay okay okay

So

>:]

Lemme talk bout my boy Cally-ham McBlimp

Starting with things you mentioned- the open shoulders is also because he's wearing a halter top in the pic (bc fight me halter tops are the ONLY viable piece of clothing if you have wings-) HOWEVER!!!!

In the current narrative, Callahan's sweater does simply just have open shoulders. And THAT'S because in the current narrative!! He doesn't have wings!!!!

The cogs on his belt don't have any story significance, they're simply just decoration- like a fancy belt buckle- and also are indicative of his occupation as someone who's part of the tinkerer's guild!!! Thas all :]

Now the CRYSTAL is a LOT more interesting as it seems to have significant story importance. This crystal as a milky white opaque gemstone that faintly glows, it acts as Callahan's sorcery focus. As a young adult/teen, his uncle (the man who raised him since his parents passed when he was a very very little child) gave it to him, telling him it was a family heirloom and that he should keep it safe and with him at all times. And he's done just that!! For the most part.... he's made a single alteration to the gem, having filed the top part of it down to make it better fit the metal frame its attached to- a frame he made himself. This seems like it will have......effects, later down the line- I'm SO excited to see what my dm has in store for me.

Hhggh

There's so so so so much i can and want to be able to tell you bout my boy Callahan McBlithe, my good ol m8 Cally-ham, my bro my friend my child, but i don't wanna force ppl to read to much so I'm gonna hide it under the cut from now on-

SO CALLAHAN

Okay okay okay

So to talk about Callahan, we gotta talk about Montgomery Silverbeard, or Monty for short.

So, Callahan is a dwarf.

Monty is not a dwarf, but he IS a human RAISED by dwarves.

Monty is in the tinkerer's guild.

Monty has a mechanical Dog named Weller that runs on the energy of a crystal he has.

Monty always wears his goggles.

And one last thing we should know about Callahan before I continue, is something my dm specified that i preciously mentioned in the og post i made about Callahan, is that he has heterochromia, one blue eye and one brown one, and that Callahan also always wears his goggles when he's out in public.

NOW!!!!

Fun shit >:3c

So first things first.

The first session happens and Callahan gets introduced to the party through the means of Remmy- a character I don't have the time to explain other than through his title; The Entity- and things go great.

Well, great is relative i guess cause i mean the party did kinda forget he was there so ._.

But at the very end, as everyone is going to bed and Callahan is about to start walking home, Monty catches him and says he'll walk him home

They start chatting and shit and as they're walking, Monty stops for a moment and takes his goggles off to rub at his eyes.

And as he takes off his goggles, Callahan sees his eyes.

And he's heterochromatic.

One blue eye. One brown eye.

And Callahan stops and just stares for a moment and says. "You're...you're heterochromatic?"

Monty kinda glaces back and responds, "yeah. Has something to do with my birth parents, I'm sure of it."

And Callahan is quite for a moment. And then he slowly, silently pulls his goggles down around his neck to let Monty see his eyes too.

They kinda blink at each other.

Monty catches sight of the crystal at Callahan's belt and asks him where he got it, tells him that its a crystal like that that keeps Weller alive.

When Callahan tells him that it was an heirloom, Monty looks at him and just says, "I think we may be a bit closer than we expected, Callahan."

AND NEITHER ME OR MONTY OR ANYONE FUCKING KNEW THIS WAS COMING

OUR DM IS FUCKING AMAZING AT KEEPING JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF SECRETS FROM ALL OF US GODDAMMIT I LOVE HER SO MUCH

Anyway that's all i have the time to tell about right now, but there is still SO much more i could talk about- from Uncle Mar-Mar, to Remmy, to the second session, to the plot to Fuck The Queen, to the con-artist mini-sesh- dude i love this campign with all of my being, its not even funny how in love i am with everything about it

In any case!!!! Thank you so much for checking in, Bee!!! I love you a ton, and sorry i haven't been active, I've been caught between d&d and school and that's all I've been doing lately lol

My schedule should free up some after graduation, but i can't guarantee that since I'll be starting work right after as well, but I'll try to be better!!!

As always, Stay Fresh and Minty, Bee!!! Ily and i hope you have a WONDERFUL day!!!! <3 :D

[girasollake]

IMAGINE while the gang are out doing their bit and Eddie is still hiding out, the reader has to keep him company and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. She takes like board games and stuff to pass the time and hopefully make it a little less awkward. BASICALLY IDK HOW BUT THEY END UP FUCKING 😭😭😭😭

unexpected | e.m.

pairing: eddie munson x afab!fem!reader

type: smut

warnings: sex 18+, minors DNI, swear words, pullout method, cum on body?, pussy eating, hair pulling, neck holding?(not choking), guys idk what more..

summary: in the ask:]

a/n: i have been writing it for like two past hours, i am so terrified of watching the new episodes when i wake up cause rn its 1 am and i wanna go to sleep, if they kill eddie or steve im suing... anyway i hope you'll like this piece anon<3 (also i feel like i suck at writing smut)

word count: about 2k

————————————————-

It was a windy afternoon. (Y/n) was sitting on her bed reading a stupid book her dad had made her read. Branches of a tree outside were softly hitting her bedroom window, the wind was making weird sounds. She turned over and tossed her book on the floor. With a sigh she got up and made her way downstairs. She didn’t want to interrupt her father who was working so she went to the kitchen. She was a bit tired from the morning events where she had to help her friends so she definitely needed a cup of coffee at that moment. While she was making the drink the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it dad!” She yelled, voice directed towards the office.

She opened the door and saw Robin, the rest of her friends sitting in a car parked in the street. Robin was grinning and fumbling with her hands.

“What is it this time?” (Y/n) threw her head back and sighed.

“I just have a tiny, really tiny, little favour to ask you.” Robin bit her lip. “Can you watch Eddie tonight and like keep him company? We have some really important stuff to do and we need someone to… you know… make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

(Y/n) massaged her temples with her fingers, eyes closed. An annoyed groan escaped her lips but after all she agreed.

“Just wait a minute, I’ll go grab some games and tell my dad that I’ll sleep at your place.”

Robin was patiently waiting in the car with the others when the door opened and slammed just as fast.

“Thank yo-“ Steve started saying.

“Shut up and drive Harrington before I change my mind.”

All she wanted was a peaceful evening, maybe a warm bath. All of the latest events were getting into her head and she needed something to take her mind off of them, that something certainly wasn’t Eddie. She didn’t know him at all except for the fact he was quite weird, at least that’s what she had gathered from the 30 minutes she had spent with him. Maybe getting to know him more wouldn’t be that bad?

She took her bag and swung it over her shoulder. She slammed the door of Steve’s car again and started walking towards the boathouse.

“We’ll be back in 5 hours!” Robin screamed through the unrolled window.

“WHAT!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN 5 HOURS?!” (Y/n) turned around, anger written on her face.

“Or more!” She waved her hand at the furious girl while Steve was driving away.

(Y/n) groaned and adjusted her bag. She knocked on the door and opened it slowly.

“Eddie? It’s (Y/n). I’m here to babysit you.” She whispered while entering the boathouse.

He was sitting with his back pressed to the wooden wall, gaze fixed on the lake.

“I don’t need a babysitter.” He muttered.

“I know, but the others would disagree.” She came closer and took a seat next to him. “I have some board games to pass the time.”

Eddie finally looked at her, she had looked the same in the morning but now her smile looked more authentic, there was softness in her eyes. He put his beer aside and shifted in his seat.

“Okay, show me what you’ve got.” He smirked and nodded towards her bag.

(Y/n) couldn’t deny, she started feeling a bit tense. It wasn’t because she was scared, it’s because she started noticing his best features. The fact that she was left with this man alone was also doing the job. She observed him while he was looking through her games. His brows furrowed, mouth slightly agape, veiny hands caressing the boxes.

Were those rings there before?

“This one should be good, I played it once or twice.” He handed her the box. “You want to make a bet?” He added, his body softly leant towards her, enough for her to notice.

“Um, what kind of bet?” She tucked a strand of her behind her ear.

“If I win, you give me a kiss.”

“Pshh, hell no Munson.” She rolled her eyes.

“Come on, what do you have to lose?” He tilted his head.

Right, what do I have to lose?

“Yeah, ok, I’ll do it. But if I win, you will lent me some of your Metallica records when you get out of this shitty situation.”

“You like Metallica?”

“I like many things you wouldn’t think I like.” She winked. “So deal?”

“Deal.”

They shook hands and started playing the game. Two hours of constant mocking, bickering and swearing passed and now they were waiting for the moment of truth. Eddie shook the dice in his hands and threw it on the board.

“I WON! HOLY SHIT!” He screamed, his arms flying to the air. Then his eyes met (Y/n)’s. “You know what that means, (L/n)”

She gulped and felt her body going even more tense than before.  Just his presence was enough and now a kiss?

It’s just a kiss.

It’s just a kiss from a hot metalhead, you can do it.

She tried to reassure herself while Eddie sat next to her. His hand came up to hold her cheek and he slowly turned her head to face him. His cold rings were like ice to her heated face. Eddie leaned in and their lips collided in a soft, warm kiss. His hand went into her hair gripping it gently. The kiss was short, they pulled apart and (Y/n)’s eyes looked straight into his, she didn’t waste a second to connect their lips again. This time it was messier and harder, filled with passion. She sat up and then quickly swung one of her legs over Eddie so that she would sit on him.

“It was supposed to be one kiss.” He said while he tried to catch his breath.

“I can stop if you want to.” She whispered, her lips softly sucking on his neck.

“Fuck no.”

He switched their positions so that she would be underneath him. That place wasn’t the cleanest but neither of them cared at that moment. Eddie’s lips were attacking her jaw and neck where he left two small hickeys. (Y/n) cupped his face with her hands and made him look at her.

“Touch me Eddie.”

He lowered his head to kiss her again and just before they kissed he whispered the words “As you wish”. One of his hands lifted her shirt, his fingers caressing her delicate body. There was this feeling again, his cold rings against her warm skin were making her shiver. She moaned into the kiss, Eddie’s desire growing stronger. He took off her shirt and started kissing everything on his way, he then placed his hand on one of her breasts squeezing it lightly. He then took it out of the cup and started circling his tongue on her nipple, the other boob being massaged with his other hand. (Y/n) threw her head back, her body arching into his. He used her movement to his advantage, his hands sneaking onto her  back and quickly unclasping her bra. He threw it somewhere next to them and then took off his own shirt. They were both staring at each other, it was getting dark but the sunset was still present and it gave them all the light that was needed. He was in awe of her messed up hair, soft breaths coming from swollen lips and her breasts moving with each of those breaths. She was in awe of his softly sculpted body, tattoos adoring his skin and his face features which were so unique and well-matched. Her fingers started dancing on the tattoos, slowly tracing their outlines.

“You like them?” He asked her.

She nodded softly and smiled.

“I just didn’t expect you had so many.” She looked up at him. “They’re hot.”

“I know they are.” He gave her a smug smile and kissed her.

He grinded into her and groaned into the kiss. (Y/n) softly scratched his back and deepened the kiss at the same time. Eddie’s hand cupped her boob again, his finger gently flicking her nipple. Then she was the one grinding into him, pressing her hips into his more and more.

“Are you sure?” He whispered.

“Shut up and fuck me Munson.” She arched her back again and pulled him towards her.

Eddie didn’t waste a second to take off her jeans and panties, but before he did what he was asked to he wanted to do one more thing. He lowered his head and trailed kisses from her neck down to her thighs. His fingers slightly tickling her lower belly and hip bones. He placed a soft kiss on her clit earning a moan from her. He held her hips tightly and started flicking his tongue occasionally licking all over. She was shaking, hands gripping his hair, her orgasm approaching rather quickly but Eddie stopped right before it hit her.

“I want you to cum when I’m inside you.” He said and pressed their lips together.

He threw his pants and underwear to the side and lined himself up with her entrance. He lowered his body and connected their lips again. She felt his tip slide inside her, it was uncomfortable at first but when she felt all of him it was amazing. They both gasped at the feeling and Eddie started slowly moving his hips.

“Faster.” She managed to say between the moans.

Eddie did what she said, his body loudly slamming against hers. He changed the position and threw her legs onto his shoulders which sent (Y/n) over the edge. She came without a warning, her walls squeezing Eddie’s penis and enhancing his pleasure.

“Fuck Eddie, fuck, fuck, fuck!!” She screamed while digging her nails into his arms.

Eddie helped her through her orgasm and then pulled out. She whimpered at the loss of contact thinking he was also finished but she was so wrong. He held her up and turned her around so that she was on all fours and pressed her head down. He waited a couple seconds and then shoved himself inside of her, she screamed and desperately tried to hold onto something but with no luck. She closed her hands into fists and moaned with each of his thrusts.

“You like being fucked like that?” He asked and went even faster.

She didn’t answer him, her vision going blurry from the pleasure. Eddie noticed that and pulled her up by the hair.

“I asked you a question.”

“Yes..uhm..fuck.”

She gasped at the new sensation of her hair being pulled, she had never felt so much pleasure during sex. She didn’t know how much more she could take but this feeling of him filling her up was the only important thing, she didn’t want to lose it. Eddie let go of her hair and placed his hand on her throat pulling her towards him. They were both on their knees, Eddie fucking her from behind, her whole body pressed into his. His other hand started massaging her sensitive spot on her pussy. Next thing she knew she was cumming again. She threw her head back onto his shoulder, his hot breath hitting her cheek. After her orgasm he helped her get on all fours again and pulled out quickly, she collapsed on the floor and felt something warm on her back. Eddie groaned and sighed.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Mhm..” She mumbled still trying to catch her breath.

Eddie stood up and dressed himself into his clothes scattered on the floor, he then took a towel which was a bit old and dirty and used it to wipe off the cum from (Y/n)’s back. He threw it somewhere under the table and helped her sit up. After helping her dress up he took a blanket Dustin had brought him and covered them both with it.

“Was I too rough?”

“No Eddie, you were perfect.” She kissed him on the cheek and then nuzzled her head into his chest.

Just before she fell asleep she thought of the plans she had had before she had come to spend time with him. Maybe she was wrong? Maybe Eddie was that something to take her mind off of things?

taglist: @r93339 @stvrdustalexx @cursedandromedablack @ccosmic-illusion @luvwanda @justice4lils @heizenka @wolfstarsimpxx @madokas-heart @screambih @lyntic @freeshavocadoooo @laracrof7s @naturalswifty89 @bvmbshell @alainabooks143 @squidwardsluverxx @phantomxoxo @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @stilesks @ilovedilfs32 @kaitlin-r130 @greengarsstuff @axen-gers @088i880 @ilovefictionalbrunettes

[double-hoe-seven]

AFC Richmond as boyfriends

Here’s a lil headcanon collection of our favorite himbos as boyfriends.

I did it again for the staff (: AFC Richmond Staff as partners

A/N: Definitely didn’t put everyone but these were my top ones and it’s 2 AM so imma leave it here.

Sam Obisanya

The absolute sweetest man you have ever met

Such a softie, very concerned about making sure you’re happy and comfortable with whatever choices you make together.

He always picks the most random times to surprise you with things; showing up at your work randomly for lunch or with coffee/tea, random little souvenirs from his away games.

He’s always putting himself second and sometimes you have to remind him “hey, babe, you can do things for yourself, you deserve nice things too.”

Just, compliments galore with him. He’ll always find a way to compliment you on something.

The most cuddly person ever, he loves public affection (hand holding, piggy backing, hugging, kissing if it’s not raunchy, etc), he really just likes showing you off because he feels like the luckiest man in the world to have you.

He takes his time with your relationship, letting it bloom and grow at it’s own pace.

There aren’t many fights between you, hardly ever, the last “fight” you had was because you couldn’t unanimously decide which dog to rescue. The solution? You adopted both, now you share a one-eyed Jack Russell Terrier named Starro and a three legged German Shepherd puppy named Harry (Pawter. He was so proud at his pun when he showed you the then 3-month old puppy.)

Again, just the sweetest, more romantic man you’ve ever met and ever will meet.

thesexisgoodtoo. hesaverygentleandgivinglover

Isaac McAdoo

Man’s stubborn.

I mean it, he is as stubborn as a mule.

I’M DEAD SERIOUS, he once pouted for 5 days when you accidentally ate the last Rolo in the flat.

But he’s also romantic in a sort of rugged way?

He won’t go shopping with you but he knows what colors look best on you, he knows what styles look good on you, and he has your sizes and shades memorized.

Bear.

Mr. sometimes-crank-teddy-bear over here.

He’ll say he doesn’t want something but he will eat half of your food if given the chance. If you step away from your food to get a drink or something, there will be a good part mission when you get back.

Its a tradition to go on a date the morning of a game, and snuggle up with a movie after the game.

You have had more than a few drunk texts from him, all of them equally funny and full of sexual innuendos.

You don’t address his Rolo addiction. It could be something much worse anyway.

Richard Montlaur

So many visits to the goat farm he was raised on!

He really has to drag you back to London after visiting his parents because you don’t want to leave all the precious goats (and you and his parents get along famously).

You spend alternating holidays with each others families (except for Bastille day, you always spend that either together or with his family.)

There are always roses in your shared flat.

It’s a constant battle over his facial hair.

He has a grudge against the way the English make French pastries.

He has a habit of falling asleep on the couch or in uncomfortable positions and then wondering why his back or neck hurts.

Little spoon.

He’s teaching you French.

This man is a smooth operator, master at flirtation and romance. He’s good at planning romantic dates and outtings.

Dani Rojas

You 100% believe his mom when she says he was born caffeinated.

One of your first dates was a Mumford and Sons concert which was an interesting experience.

Soft boi hours with him. He’s a lil puppy dog.

Does this man ever sleep? Rarely.

He rises with the son and wants to get the day started immediately but he’s mostly letting you sleep in now.

He LOVES trying new things, exploring new places, generally having new experiences.

His absolute favorite thing to do when he’s not training is playing football (or any game, really) with the kids in your neighborhood. They all love him.

He’s a sweet boyfriend, not as sweet as Sam but he’s a close second.

You alternate who plans date night. You split the chores 50/50 but divvy it up if one of you is sick or has more work to do.

There’s so much alcohol in your flat its unreal.

You usually go to sleep before him but he has a bad habit of throwing himself into bed and partially waking you.

He makes the best breakfast most mornings.

And don’t forget the trips back home to visit his family in Guadalajara.

After a long day of training, he loves just laying down with his head on your lap while you run your fingers through his hair.

Jamie Tartt (Season 1)

FUCK NO

Jamie Tartt (Season 2)

On your first date you got drunk and bonded over shitty fathers.

Not that either of you really remembered the next day, you were both too hungover to immediately recall the night.

His love language is kind words.

At the start he needed a lot of reassuring that you did care about him for who he was, warts and all.

He’s slightly awkward when it comes to romantic gestures so most of the date planning falls on you don’t mind.

He still has some high maintenance behavior but he’s working on it and you’re proud of how far he’s come from the prick he used to be.

Your fights are usually over petty shit like where to eat for dinner or what movie to go see.

He will not hesitate to buy your feminine products for you. He knows your preferred brands and sizes and what treats you like when its that time.

He’s good at those rigged carnival games, the many little stuffed animals in your closet can attest to that.

He talks in his sleep. It’s all nonsense.

He has a soft spot for the neighbor’s cat (and cats in general).

Roy Kent

Rugged.

He’s great to snuggle up to.

The man is honest to boot. He doesn’t sugar coat anything at all.

10/10 times he will go down on you if asked. He’s a giver.

He is the heaviest sleeper in the world. You don’t know why he bothers setting alarms.

Phoebe has a room at your flat and spends so much time with you both.

Many nights have been spent reading different books on the couch together.

He has to clean the drains since 75% of it is his.

Fuck is a very versatile word in your home, used daily.

Not the most romantic man alive but he has his moments.

Date nights are usually relaxed and proper but sometimes you can make the old man have a little fun.

He growls at least a dozen times a day, it’s his main response.

Jan Maas

My beloved

My sweet, beloved Jan who can’t/won’t use a filter to save his life.

He’s blunt in everything and sometimes it makes you want to slap him.

Jan is still getting used to English ways and mannerisms.

He has good intentions but sometimes needs a little help with wording.

He likes going on Aquarium dates.

The more tired he is, the clingier he is and it’s too cute.

Once after a game he plopped onto the couch next to you and basically tried to curl up in your lap.

He can make amazing pancakes.

Thats it though.

You’ll do most of the cooking if you value living in a flat that’s not on fire.

He’s a sweetheart though.

Mostly good intentions though.

Doesn’t mind nudity and had to quickly be reined in by the team. Not at home though.

At home he can easily be found lounging in boxers and a t-shirt while he sips coffee.

He knows what he’s doing.

Tag Team: @bdffkierenwalker​

[taestefully-in-luv]

The Island | KTH (Teaser)

Summary: You’re just two strangers waking up in a room on a lonely island where a company in the business of love has placed you. They believe that thanks to their in depth research you two are destined soulmates. What happens when your ‘soulmate’ and you want nothing to do with each other but falling in love is the only way to leave?

Pairing: Taehyung x Female reader

Genre: strangers to lovers, slight enemies to lovers, soulmates au (Kind of), roommate au, slow burn, fluff, smut, angst, slight crack, and drama.

Word Count: 844

Warnings: swearing

Notes: A brand new story:) This is a totally different vibe so I am really nervous to post this…it starts off somewhat serious and a bit creepy but the story turns quite fluffy! Anyway, let me know what you guys think!:)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taehyung and you share a look before walking through to the kitchen and living room. You approach the rooms slowly and carefully, afraid of what you might find. What surprises could be lurking? Suddenly the white glow of the TV can be seen, making you jump with its sudden brightness. Why the hell did the TV just turn on? Is this like, a haunted house? Are you being fucking haunted? Okay, maybe that’s dramatic.

The screen is bright white with nothing else on it. You turn to face Taehyung who is already staring at you with brows pinched together in confusion. Same Taehyung, same. The two of you decide to walk closer to the TV when dark, bold numbers appear.

“10….9…8…..”

The sound of soft music can be heard playing from the TV, similar to the music that’s played in an elevator, as numbers counting down from 10 begins. You feel your insides twist and turn.

“….7….6…..”

Panicked, the two of you inch closer and closer. You two stand here waiting for something, anything to occur because these might be the longest 10 seconds of your life. The millions of questions you have only multiplying. With the seconds counting down and getting closer to zero, your breathing about fucking stops. What is going to happen? You can feel your palms grow sweaty as your heart beats out of your chest. It feels like the countdown to the end of the world.

“….5….4….3…”

You don’t think Taehyung realizes just how close he is to you, his shoulders bumping into yours. You guess fear does funny things even between strangers.

“….2…..1…….”

And then it finally happens. The timer finally reaches fucking zero. And it is safe to say your attention has been caught…anyone’s would be if a screen greets them with their god damn names.

“Welcome Kim Taehyung and Y/N Y/LN”

Your names on the screen has you automatically feeling nauseas. What sort of sick game is this? Is someone setting you up? Pranking you? If so, shits not funny. But also, why is Taehyung here? Your eyes focus on the screen as it moves to the next slide.

“It is a great honor that you two have made it this far. You have been carefully selected in this company’s project. After a lot of consideration and impressive results—we have decided to move you to the next phase.”

Naturally, very naturally you become even more confused than you fucking started. What projects? What company? You can hear Taehyung swallow hard, his nerves spiking with each word he reads. Then the slides continue.

“To put it simply, we are in the business of love.”

Huh? Huh?

Taehyung and you break your focus on the screen to steal a glance at one another very briefly before turning your heads back to the TV. What the hell they mean love? What is this absolute nonsense?

“Our use of science, technology and logic has got us here today. We test and heavily observe our chosen subjects and decide if they are the perfect match. We then move them to the final phase: The Island. This is where the two subjects meet and get along for the first time. The place they will undoubtedly fall in love.”

You can’t help that your mouth falls open, you are sure your eyes are bulging out of your head. You dare to turn to look at Taehyung and he isn’t looking much better.

Before you can really gather any thoughts the slides continue.

“Our success rate is 99%. You WILL fall in love here, it is most probable. Other subjects will come to fall in love quickly, other will take their time. BUT don’t take too long~ If two subjects are taking too long to make progress we will send a ‘Request’ to move things along and if you fail to meet said request there will be a penalty. And you have 24 hours to complete the request. This is to help you.”

You shiver while reading the words before you. You are now too anxious to even look at Taehyung right now…you don’t want to even see his reaction to all of this. Is he anxious like you? Is he laughing because there’s no way this is real? Is he nodding along taking notes because he believes it? You don’t want to fucking know!

“We give soulmates the opportunity to meet and thrive. This particular project has been in the works for well over a year.”

You blink lazily at that. Well over a year? WELL OVER A YEAR? They’ve been watching you for over a year?!

“We have carefully observed each one of you in great detail. There is nothing we don’t know. We have matched you two to be most compatible.”

Nothing they don’t know? What the hell does that mean? How exactly did they fucking observe you two? You stand here with eyes wide open and mouth agape. Taehyung mirrors your expression. He doesn’t want to believe this either.

“And you two are finally ready to proceed with The Island.”

[creatingnikki]

What 2020 has taught me

1. Those things that seem like content for sci fi or pure fiction are actually things that can happen. To the entire world. Like a pandemic. And to you. Like a seizure.

2. Everyone is sad. Everyone is struggling. In different ways and in different measures. Makes no one special. But you still get to feel sad for yourself and be compassionate towards others. But it's also okay to draw boundaries because you're everyone too. Remember, not special? You're sad and trying to deal with it too.

3. Every job you have will not add value to your life. It will not teach you new things or give you people you'll want to stay in touch with. Sometimes some jobs will only be a season of your life. Even if the season lasts for over a year. It's okay.

4. You know how you thought picking a college and picking a major and picking your first job and picking a specific industry were all the career decisions you had to make? Yeah, no. It's never a one time thing. You could have a job as a marketing strategist for two years and then want nothing to do with it. And then you'll have to make another decision and work towards it. So I'd like to call it moves. It's like chess. You always have to make a move. And it always has to be strategic, yes. But the truth is in your 20s it probably won't. Even if you try. And as long as you're trying, you'll be fine.

5. You may have different sorts of friends like the one you only talk to about kdrama with or the one you met when you went book shopping alone and the friendship is all about books really. That's normal. But irrespective of why and how you became friends with them, if you consider them a friend then there has to be this basic sense of care, respect and empathy for each other. I don't care what people want to say. If you're faced with the worst trauma of your life, the least your friends can do is check up on you regularly. On text. And if they don't even do that then guess what? They aren't friends. They are acquaintances. Social media and quick promises make everyone seem like your friend. But they are not. They are just nice people who will be nice to you for specific periods and then wander away like you are a speck of dust floating in their journey.

6. You speak a lot and write and you express yourself and you’re emotionally mature but oh my god. You still hold in so much. You’ve known that at a subconscious level and over the last year people - experts - have told you that. You have also realized that you make your pain and sadness about pettier things because dealing with them, admitting about them, sharing that with your friends, is easier. You do that so that you don’t have to deal with the real stuff. Because it’s so damn painful. And you don’t know how to do it. Yet. Acknowledging is the first step anyway right? I know you’re confused about how exactly to let go of all this pain and sadness and feel lighter, and you know that talking to people really isn’t the solution, but I also know you’re smart enough to figure it out. 

7. Talking about being smart...you know you’re different than others. Better. Special. Smarter. None of these are the right words. And you never voiced this out until this year because you knew it would make you come across as narcissistic. Some would say it’s because you’re an INFJ. But my mother once said that this may be the first time we are consciously living life but our souls are old and so our instinct and the things we know but can’t explain are because this isn’t the first time for our souls. The connections we feel with certain people, the reason we are so different from our siblings who grew up in the exact same environment with the exact same opportunities, our sense of right and wrong...it’s all because our souls learn and grow with each time and that’s why we are who we are. I think that’s probably how I can explain what I have always felt. That I am living in a different universe than everybody but I have to pretend to be in this one and dumb my emotions and thoughts down. Maybe that’s because my soul has lived through thousands of years while most around me are living their 100th life. Or maybe I’m just narcissistic, who knows?

8. You shift between talking in first person and second person but that’s because that’s how you think in your head and talk to yourself and live your life. You ask yourself things and you accuse yourself of things and you apologize to yourself and you comfort yourself. I think that seeps into your writing and the changing of the voices. 

9. You always genuinely thought that you’d not be afraid of dying. And then what happened this October proved you shockingly wrong. I know it’s not so much being afraid of dying but the unbearable pain of knowing what that would mean to your family. So you have to be more prudent and less reckless with your life and the choices you make. 

10. Regret is not something that plagued you but this year the realisation and pain of giving away your favourite books from your own personal collection to people you care about as a show of affection and them turning out to be ass holes or losers has hit you so hard. So, yes. No more of that shit. I really fucking want my copy of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower back. UGH. With the childhood picture of me inside it! 

11. Sleeping at 5 am in the morning stops being fun or romanticised when you realise just how much harm it does to your body and mind. Literally every single disease and disorder can be traced back to a shitty fucking sleep schedule. It’s not just the hours you sleep but also the quality of sleep and the time you sleep at. So yes sleeping for 8 hours is healthy but not if that 8 hours is from 5 am to 12 pm. ‘Not a morning person’ is just another construct of capitalism and you don’t realise how many industries profit from having you believe that and staying up late or all night. Entertainment. Food. Alcohol. Pharma. Biologically and naturally you are a bloody morning person. And you don’t need 3 cups of coffee to begin your day or your phone notifications to get you to open your eyes and brain to wake up. 

12. Sometimes you really have to stop taking people so seriously. I know the idea of treating people as casual friends or entertainment makes you want to fight that concept but you know what? Some people like Pineapple are ever only going to be good for that. No matter how much they ‘grow and change’. So keep them in the background for whenever you want some entertainment or drama. But please don’t clear up your busy schedule to meet them or send them gifts on their birthday. 

13. If you don’t have the fruit juice or green juice within half an hour of making it then you are losing out on its most optimum health benefits. Or when you remove the white stringy stuff from oranges. That’s where all the actual nutrients are.

14. I am privileged and so are most of the people I interact with. The global pandemic has been hell for a lot of people around the world. Health wise. Financially. Losing people they care about. But I was blessed enough to be safe at home and have a job that I could smoothly do from home and not have a pay cut or 4-hour long Zoom meetings. So honestly when my friends tell me 2020 has been bad I have to stop and ask them why? Yes, the crippling uncertainty and anxiety is not something that can be undermined. But most people I know had very great positive life-changing milestones this year like moving away to another country for college or taking their first solo trip or getting married. So I have to ask them. Because I am not going to agree that everybody’s 2020 and pandemic narrative is the same. 

15. Money gets spent really quickly. When I left my job earlier this year because of personal issues, I thought I had enough savings to last me a year. Full disclosure - I mean to last my personal expenses because I live with my parents. But it didn’t even last me 3 months. And so to use money wisely and buy things that provide utility than instant gratification is something to follow. Also buying one pair of really expensive but quality shoes is better than buying 5 pairs of affordable but low quality shoes that will have a very short life and force you to buy more. I know that higher price doesn’t always mean better quality but sometimes it does. And as an adult now I want to do the whole quality > quantity thing even with things and not just people. 

16. Everyone in their 20s went through a crisis of what they should do with their lives and their careers and it’s not unique to the 21st century and the challenges of today. Whether it was Vincent Van Gogh in the 19th century or Sylvia Plath in the 20th, every single person, as brilliant as them went through the torture of making these decisions and living with their consequences. You may think I picked wrong examples for they both killed themselves but you know what? They were the people who really want to live more than anyone. They knew what life meant. And maybe if mental health help was more accessible back then their lives would be longer and more peaceful. 

17. Telling people everything is overrated. You don’t have to talk about every single thing that’s on your mind or that’s going on in your life. The good and the bad and the mediocre. You have to be mindful about how much of yourself you’re giving away. 

18. Re-watch Suits when people at work feel intimidating because the confidence + negotiation tactics that they show can actually work irl cos at the end of the day no matter in what position you’re dealing with people who have emotions and fears and insecurities and desires. You understand how to leverage that nobody can get the better of you. 

19. You belong to yourself. No matter how much you love someone or how much they have done for you or how much you owe them - you belong to yourself. You can’t live your life for someone else. Everyone belongs to themselves first. No relationship, no promise, no circumstance should make you feel like you have to give up your life and make it all about them. If and when the time comes to die for them, go ahead. Take a bullet. Donate that kidney. Write them in your will. But live your life for yourself. And let them live theirs. 

20. Twenty three was a challenging year. When it started you claimed the age 23 sounds boring and insignificant. Guess it proved you wrong. It hurt so much now. But that only means you’ll look back on it later and see how it added so much wisdom and resilience to your being. It doesn’t mean that it makes all the bad things that happened to you okay. Or that you should be grateful to them. Fuck no. It means that you should be kinder to yourself because at the end of the day, your mind and body find it in themselves to deal with whatever is thrown their way. They have your back. It’s time you learn to sit straight. 

[3rensgf]

rent a gf - two eren yeager x reader

word count: 2.9k

warnings: mentions of sex, talks about "getting bitches", eren is an idiot, fuckboy!eren implied, tatbilb mention, uhh fluff idk theres not much to warn abt in here, not beta read

notes: chapter two is out! i'm really glad a lot of people are enjoying rent a gf. it really means a lot! i see some people commented on the previous chapter, and i would love to reply to them, but i'm not familiar with tumblrs commenting system D: if you wanna leave a comment for me to just read, that's fine you can still keep commenting here on tumblr. but if you would like me to reply to it, you can comment on ao3, and i will reply! happy reading :) p.s, waffles w whipped cream r so much better

[ read on ao3 ]

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In the early hours of Saturday morning, you felt a hand shaking your shoulder to wake you. Groaning and mumbling, you sleepily swatted the hand away and pulled the covers over your head. No one should be forced to wake up early on the weekends. It was Saturday, for fucks sake. Not to mention your hangover due to last nights mistakes was making your head throb.

The hand rested on your shoulder once more, shaking you gently. “(Y/N),” Mikasa said softly. “Your alarm has been going off for the past 10 minutes. Wake up. I have water and Advil.”

“Nooooo,” you moaned, snuggling deeper into your bed. “Don’ wanna.”

Mikasa stopped bothering you for a moment, and you let your guard down. Finally you could sleep. When it was time to wake up, you’d wake up.

Right as you were about to pass out again, your blanket was roughly tugged off of you. “Mikasaaa!” you whined, covering your face with your hands. “What was that for? I was trying to sleep.”

“Get up. You have to shower and get ready for lunch with Eren today. Breakfast is almost finished,” she explained, setting down the pills and water on your bedside table. “Go brush your teeth and wash your face so you can eat. Now,” she instructed sternly, moving to your window to open the curtains. The bright sunlight hit your still half-asleep face, making you hiss quietly.

She left the room moments after, probably to check up on breakfast. Honestly, you didn’t know how she could function this early in the morning despite having partied all night last night. Curse her and her inability to get hungover.

Grumbling to yourself, you adjusted your sleep clothes that had gotten disheveled overnight to make sure you looked decent. Your sleepy gaze wandered over to your nightstand to see two Advils on a napkin beside a glass of cold water. Thanking every higher power for sending Mikasa to you, you downed both pills and the glass of water. Even though you might bitch and moan to her constantly, you really weren’t lying when you said you’d die without Mikasa.

After sitting down at the edge of your bed for a few moments, you eventually shuffled into the bathroom to brush your teeth and do your morning routine. It took longer than usual thanks to your sluggish and tired movements, but you got done nevertheless.

A wonderful aroma came from the kitchen when you left, stomach grumbling in anticipation for the wonderful food you were about to scarf down. Mikasa was in the process of setting down both your breakfasts on the island, sitting down on the stools when you walked in. “Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” she greeted, resting her chin on her hands.

“Morning, sweet angel,” you replied, sitting at the stool beside her. In front of you was a plate of Funfetti pancakes with whipped cream instead of maple syrup (syrup was for pancakes only). There were a couple of cut up fruits beside them, too. “Where did you get these?” you asked, picking up your fork to take a bite of your breakfast.

Mikasa dug into her own breakfast of oatmeal as soon as you started eating. “Went grocery shopping and saw the mix in the baking aisle. I thought you’d like it,” she explained, taking a bite of her food. “Good?”

Your response was a moan, tilting your head back as you chewed. “Insanely,” you said, cutting up another bite. You stabbed the piece with your fork and guided it to Mikasa, keeping your hand under it to catch anything if it dropped.

She finished her bite and leaned in to take the bite, humming in satisfaction at the taste. “Good,” she nodded.

“They put like crack ‘n this shit,” you said through a full mouth, shoveling forkful after forkful into your mouth.

You could feel Mikasa's judging gaze for eating like a pig, but you didn’t care. All you cared about was eating these crack laced waffles as greedily as possible. “What time are you supposed to meet Eren today?” she asked to make conversation.

You remember drunkenly slurring to her that Eren was supposed to take you out for lunch today while she was trying to put you to bed. All she did was nod and dodge your flailing limbs while she tried to change you into your night clothes.

“Uhhh,” you trailed off, “I dunno actually. I think he’s gonna text me when.” The familiar notification from your phone indicated you had a text from Eren. “Right now.”

ren ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ - 9:04 AM picking u up at 12 dont be late

you - 9:04 AM k

ren ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ - 9:05 AM dont use k with me that makes me sad :(

you - 9:05 AM k

“He says 12,” you told Mikasa, setting your phone back down on the table. You went to go take another bite of your waffles, only to be met with stray bits of whipped cream and waffle crumbs. How disappointing.

“You have time to get ready then,” she said, finishing up the last bit of her own breakfast. Holding her plate, she got up to go put it in the sink, taking your plate for you as well. Literally an angel.

Suddenly, she leaned in to sniff you like the weird English professor you had your freshman year and cringed. “You’re gonna need all the time you can get. You stink.”

Never mind, not an angel.

Grumbling and cursing under your breath, you got off the stool to go take a shower. “And here I was about to offer to get you something for lunch while I was out.”

“A burger from the joint I like would be nice. So would a Coke and side of onion rings.”

“Size?”

“Medium for both.”

You would’ve caved in and bought her something, anyways. Might as well know what she wanted in the first place.

Showering took longer than expected. Most of your time got wasted by you standing under the shower stream and soaking in all the warmth. It wasn’t until Mikasa knocked on the door asking you not to use up all the hot water that made you actually start going through your routine.

The clock read 10:09 when you got out. You still had more time to kill until Eren came, so you elected to sit on your bed in your towel to scroll through social media. At 10:45, you started to get ready for real now.

Your makeup was just enough to cover any imperfections on your face, and your outfit cute enough for a lunch outing with your friend-fuckbuddy.

At 11:50, you stepped out into the living room with your belongings in hand to lounge around while you waited for Eren. You would’ve gone to bug Mikasa, but she had just stepped into the shower minutes prior.

12 on the dot, a rhythmic knocking was rapped on your door, meaning Eren was finally here. Skipping over to the door, you opened it to reveal him while slipping on your shoes.

“Hey,” he grinned when the door opened. He leaned in to give you a kiss on the lips after you’d straightened up from putting on your shoes.

A grin found its way on your lips during the kiss. It only lasted a couple of seconds, ending with you pulling away with a quiet smack. “Hi,” you greeted back.

“Ready to go?” he asked, one hand leaving his jacket pocket to jut his thumb down the hallway towards the elevators.

“Yup, ready,” you said. Over your shoulder, you yelled into the apartment to say goodbye to Mikasa and locking the door once you closed. “Okay, ready for real now.”

There was a new hot pot restaurant near campus, Eren told you, that he so desperately wanted to try. He overheard some people talking about the place in his Stats class, and he’s been wanting to go ever since.

“So, about what I told you last night,” he said, leaning on the table close to you after giving your orders to the waitress. “You said you would help me get Mina.”

“I said it was a bad idea,” you countered, taking a sip of your drink.

“But you said you would help me. For a price.”

“That I… did say,” you sighed. “What’s your plan?”

Smiling, he opened up his jacket and dug into the inner pockets, getting out a small notepad and a pen. Your eyebrows raised at the sight of them. “Okay,” he started, flipping through his notepad. “So I was thinking about it this morning, and this is what I have down so far.”

Sliding it towards you, he waited impatiently for you to read what he had.

Your lips pursed to prevent giggled from leaving your lips. Well, it was a plan, alright. Written in Eren’s chicken scratch of handwriting were a few very simple steps.

eren yaegers fool proof plan to get bitches get mina aka operation rent a gf by eren yaeger 1. talk to mina to get her interested in you ✓ 2. get hot girl ((Y/N)) to pretend to be your gf and show you can be a good bf 3. get mina jealous so she wants you even more and not poopy thomas wanker 4. “break up” with (Y/N) and pretend to be sad 5. get mina to comfort you 6. get bitches make mina your gf 7. pay (Y/N) for her services 8. ta-da!

When you looked up from the notepad, you saw Eren waiting for your answer. “Well? What do you think? Is it any good?” he asked.

“Were you high when you wrote this?” was the first thing you asked him. Eren shook his head innocently. “You’re 100% serious?” He nodded.

You bit your lip, deep in thought about Eren’s supposedly fool proof plan. “What makes you think it’s gonna work?”

“I know girls and how they act. If Paradis University let me major in women -- don’t get smart with me I don’t mean Women Studies -- I would be passing all my classes with flying colors. I know it’ll work, trust me,” he said cockily, leaning back in his chair.

“No you don’t.”

“Yes I do. I know you. I know everything about you, (Y/N). I even know how to make you scream my name in--”

“Okay!” you cut him off, not wanting the strangers around you to know the intimate details of your sex life with Eren. “Okay.”

“I knew you were gonna do that. See, I do know women.”

A moment or two passed, both of you staring at each other. You with a deadpan expression, and him with a proud one. You were the first one to break the silence with a heavy sigh. “Okay, say I agree to this. What do I get in return?”

“Anything you want,” he said. “Within reason, of course. Please don’t ask me to like, hide a body or something.”

Ignoring his last comment, you continued speaking, “You’re not allowed to back out of whatever I ask you to, right? If this plan fails or succeeds, you still owe me whatever you promised.”

Eren nodded. “Of course. I swear on it.” He shifted a little so his elbow was on the table, holding out a pinky. Instinctively, you held out your pinky as well and intertwined the both of them. Pinky promises were something you and Eren had been doing for years now. It meant that the other was dead serious on their promise.

The waitress came back with your broth and dipping ingredients, setting them on the table for you right when your pinkes left each other. Thanking the waitress, the two of you talked some more while you waited for the broth to heat up.

“We should make it official. With a contract and set of rules,” he said. “Like that one movie you forced me to watch with you. The Boys I Loved or some shit like that.”

“To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before,” you corrected.

“Yeah, that. They’re kinda doing something like us, yeah?”

“Guess so,” you shrugged, picking up your chopsticks and a sice of pork belly when the broth started to boil. “After we eat though.”

Idle chatter was shared between the two of you as you ate. Even though you saw each other nearly every day, you never ran out of things to talk to. You could be talking about complete nonsense or how quantum physics made no sense, and you would still have the best time of your life.

By now, the broth had been drunk up and the table had been cleared out to be replaced with banana milk and ice cream. Eren brought out his notepad again to write down the set of rules for your fake relationship while enjoying your desserts.

Good progress had been written so far on the notepad. Both of you had given input and criticism on each rule made. In the end, you finally had a good set of rules written down.

(Y/N) and erens contract and rules for eren yaegers fool proof plan to get mina aka operation rent a gf by eren yaeger 1. act normally. eren and (Y/N) act like a couple already. just double the pda a little more 2. don’t tell anyone about the deal. the more people who believe in the relationship, the more likely it is for the plan to work 3. post each other on ig a lot. maybe add names and a date to bios to make it more believable 4. date night every saturday (go out or just hang out) 5. go to parties together 6. walk each other to class if you can 7. call each other cute pet names 8. after breaking up, the couple act has to stop including the sex 9. DON’T SLIP UP

payment for (Y/N):

Eren tapped a beat on the notepad, reading “payment” over and over again. Eventually he looked up at you, deep in thought. “Have you thought of anything so far?” he asked, clicking the pen to write what you wanted.

This was a tough decision. Eren was ready to give you anything to help him get Mina. You had to be wise and pick something big to take advantage of him. Something you were sure you wouldn’t ever regret getting.

“How about,” you started, trailing off, “you do my laundry for the rest of our time at ParadisU, buy me lunch every Wednesday even after we break up, recommend that godsend of a tutor you keep gatekeeping to help me too, and…”

“And?” Eren asked, looking up from his writing, waiting for your next words.

“All the orgasms I want during our relationship,” you finished, satisfied with what you chose.

“Is that all?” he asked, writing down the last of your words. “That’s a lot.”

“How about I let you know if I wanna add more,” you said. Eren nodded in response. His head hung to look at the notepad again, writing something down. Once he was done, he plaed the pen on the pad and slid it to you.

“Sign it so it’s official,” he instructed.

There were two lines beside each other, one already with Eren’s signature. Without hesitation, you signed your name neatly on the paper, giving the items back to Eren once you were done.

(Y/N) and erens contract and rules for eren yaegers fool proof plan to get mina aka operation rent a gf by eren yaeger 1. act normally. eren and (Y/N) act like a couple already. just double the pda a little more 2. don’t tell anyone about the deal. the more people who believe in the relationship, the more likely it is for the plan to work 3. post each other on ig a lot. maybe add names and a date to bios to make it more believable 4. date night every saturday (go out or just hang out) 5. go to parties together 6. walk each other to class if you can 7. call each other cute pet names 8. after breaking up, the couple act has to stop including the sex 9. DON’T SLIP UP

payment for (Y/N): eren has to do the (Y/N)’s laundry for the rest of university, buy her lunch ever wednesday, get tutor to help her and give her as many orgasms as she wants during the course of the relationship

signed x eren yaeger x (y/n) (l/n)

The two of you shook hands when Eren put away his things, to seal the deal again. The waitress came by again to give you the bill and collect your dirty dishes. Eren set down the cash needed to pay along with a tip in the check presenter before the two of you left.

You walked hand in hand back to Erens car before you realized you missed something. “Wait. What do we tell people when they ask how we got together?” you asked, pausing in your tracks.

Eren stopped with you, turning to look at you. “Um, you can say I confessed after lunch, and that this is technically our first date,” he suggested, tugging your hand to walk back to the car.

“Huh. Okay. That works,” you nodded.

The two of you got into the car a little bit past 2:30 in the afternoon, ready to go home. “Wait,” you said again, making Eren pause. “Mikasa wanted a burger from that one joint near our apartment. Could you take me there first?”

Eren smiled and nodded, starting the car. “Of course. Burger with medium Coke and onion rings?”

“How did you know?”

“She always gets that when we go there.”

“Huh… I guess you’re right.”

“When am I not?”

"Always."

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