#anyway its 5:30 im going to shower

[29121996]

give me the strength to shower

[bibleofficial]

saw a starfish on the beach today & was absolutely ENAMOURED - literally 3 of us were just squatting over this tide pool watching him move

[callistocalavarni]

shifting to the 60s

hii I havent posted in a while, I've been trying re group from multiple shifts while getting my life back in order but I think I'm back.. Anyway I have a bunch of stories from so many places I'd like to share and im currently working on how I want to post them. But I don't see a lot of storytimes so I think it would be fun to share some. So i'm gonna rant about some shorter ones here.

shifting with sleep paralysis

I wanted to talk about this shift because it stuck out to me and I can't stop thinking about it.. I had shifted about 2 times in the span of 30 seconds. For a whole week back in October I was waking up at 3-5 am in the morning without being able to go back to sleep. So as you can guess I woke up at around 4 am and was restless. At around 6 am I got tired again so I started my method and I know people say that symptoms don't exist but in the time that I have shifted all I can say is that I disagree.. Anyway, one moment I was saying affimations and then the next I woke up all tingly and in a weird sleep state I've never been in before. I didn't even say to myself I wanted to shift I just did. It was like my mind was on autopilot. Didn't say affimations, didn't go through my script in my head, didn't even try to use the 5 senses. I just started seeing myself in 1st person and what I would be doing in my dr without any forethought and shifted. The first shift, I was on a track running with a couple of men and we all were wearing 60s running wear. I had an orange and red tank top with matching orange shorts. It had felt like there was an orange filter in this reality.. if that makes sense. I was on the track about to run and I just recall looking around laughing.

When I shifted to this moment its like I felt my consciousness leave my body; Which is the weird part because I've never really experinced this before. It felt like I was being pulled up by something and all I could hear was constant noise. I don't even know what noise I was hearing it was like someone was screaming right in my ear or veryyy loud ringing/static. The noise was SO loud. I was in the middle of sprinting when I shifted back because I thought I was the one making the noise, I thought I was screaming..Thankfully it was not me. But When I came back I was still In that state and I could look around me but my eyes were still closed. It's like I was seeing everything from a different perspective. There was a spider crawling on my wall right next to me when I shifted back so I freaked out and the noise got even louder ! The spider was leaving black spots all over my wall,, I could not figure out what was going on in the moment ( when I was writing this in my journal I figured out it was sleep paralysis ) It felt like I was tripping on a bunch of pain killers when I shifted back. I still couldn't move so I shifted again to the same reality but this time I was in the shower... the noise got even louder. The noise made it feel like a bad trip and I ended up shifting back here to try and stop it. It took my like an hour to get out of sleep paralysis. Unlike the method, this reality was very enyjoyable. It felt like a Nina Brodskyaya song, I lived alone and I was successful. I think I worked at a cigarette company, which is ironic because I hate smoking. But I don't know for sure as I didn't stay long enough to find out.

Lumari is a country I scripted, Forlina being one of its nations.

This reality was late 70's early 80's and one of my favorite drs. I stayed here for about a year. I was in Forlina living in an all girls home. Forlina gives free housing to students so I moved out of my parents house to start collage. About six girls are given a room to share together, don't worry they are pretty big. I loved our room. It had big sliding windows that gave a view of the tropical forest. We each had sunken in beds, some girls who were home sick shared beds for a couple of weeks. It took me a while to get use to the amount of noise in the morning. There was this one girl who would blast music on the radio while getting ready. I only had to worry about this sometimes because I woke up pretty early. Art was one of my classes and the professer would make the class times either 7 am or 9 pm which also took me some time to get use to. idk the guy was kind of weird. I rode my bike everywhere here. I miss being able to ride down a bike trail and see the ocean. I've been thinking about shifting back here for some time. I might post more about this reality in more detail later.

<3

[xoxovalrea]

Ifhy. Fugishiro m. + !fem reader

🎀Based on this audio🎀

༊*·˚ Warnings-  hatefuck-ish, rude words, alcohol use, mentions of weed, dom megumi, sub reader, smut

༊*·˚ A/n: pretend megumi is gojos bsf cus this isn’t like yuji😇☺️

༊*·˚ Sypno: You’re at a party you came for one sole reason, your crush. Just to find out he has a gf. Butt things work out in the end.

⋆·˚ ༘ * MINORS DNI🕊️ ⋆·˚ ༘ *

You liked gojo for a while. A while as in one whole college semester and two weeks during the summer. To back track you gave up on him after a party a specific party at that was of course hosted by the man himself Gojo and his dick of a best friend megumi. You three were friends you and megumi were even in the same classes but there was always this tension between you guys.

Anyways, your bestie nobara heard about a party gojo is hosting. Of course being the best friend ever she encourages you to go because “he might see how hot you are and tap that i would too honestly” you hit her and you both laughed in response. 

Fast forwarding to the night of the party, you took a nap because shit you were fucking tired from all the beach trips you did previously throughout the week. You woke up two hours prior which was NOT enough time to get ready but who the hell shows up for a party the time it starts? You hopped in the shower cleaning off all the crusties and musties you had. You of course shaved EVERYTHING just in case Nobara was right. But you had a feeling the night would not go as planned. 

There wasn’t really a theme but you knew it was a typical house party. So you threw on a black halter top and a beige mini skirt you didn’t really care about with some black shoes. You sprayed some type of sweet smelling perfume on and called nobara.

“Bitch pick up“ you looked at the ringing facetime call. She finally answered looking like she was driving. “Heyyy you look cutee girlie” she smiled at you. “Thank you pooka what the fuck should i do to my hair pony with a side part or down with a side part” she nodded and held up a 1. You quickly did your hair and headed out of your apartment complex and saw nobara’s white honda civic in front of the place. 

“Hi my fav girl” you said as you entered her car. She was putting on some sort of lipgloss. She basically had on the same thing as you but with tan pants total copy cat.  “Soo have you even been talking to satoru.” She questioned as she started heading to the party. “Yea a bit he is just so damn hard to talk to like just a few weeks ago he texted so much and now im unadded on everything” She looked at you with disappointment in her eyes knowing you’re gonna spend this whole party sulking over him. Funny thing is you definitely didn’t well for the record you didn’t cry at all but you got upset and other things but for the record you didn’t cry

See what you didn’t know is megumi liked you and hated the fact that you were wrapped all around Satoru’s finger. He hated the fact that you would stare off at him and just blank out everytime you, him, and satoru hung out. He purposely let gojo fall inlove with another girl and he would casually just let gojo ghost you. He went as far as to even setting gojo up on a date just so he couldn’t have you. He wanted you to forget about him in more than one way.

Anyways, nobara just nodded and said “maybe you should try his bestfriend he’s pretty cute” you looked at her like she was crazy “oh he HATES my fucking guts nobara. he wants me dead like the stares he gives me are the worst” you whine she shrugs her shoulders and adds  “well maybe megs wants to rearrange them you know its always the quiet ones” she giggles as you punch her shoulder and blush. You guys arrive to the party at around 9:30 ish As soon as you step into the house the thick sent of weed engulfs your lungs. Yea you smoked every 5 months but that smell could be the worst but the best at the same time.

You see nobara walk off leaving you all alone. “Well just say fuck me huh” you mutter to yourself trying to find the kitchen. You see megumi pouring himself a drink a simple one at that rum and coke. “excuse me” you say pushing past him to get a cup and some pink Whitney and a sprite . He looked you up and down rolling his eyes and scoffing “all dressed up huh“ he says taking a sip of his drink. You finish pouring your drink, “yea i guess“ you laugh “well you look like a slut” he chuckles trying to insult you “you must like sluts“ you reply as you walk off to find nobara. Feeling his eyes piercing through your skull. Yea megumi was cute but his attitude was fucking terrible. 

As you walk around you see gojo kissing a girl. You felt every bone in your body twitch with not with hate just sadness. Being honest you only liked his attention he was cute but his attention was amazing. The playful texts the calls everything it was amazing. You felt a tear run down your face and you walked upstairs towards the bathroom bumping into megumi who scowled at you.

You gained your composure after a solid 5 minutes of standing in the mirror with a burning throat feeling you couldn’t even cry. You sat on the stairs scowling and pouting at gojo and his new girlfriend. She was beautiful really really beautiful. You were snapped out of your thoughts when someone pushed you. It was megumi standing infront of you. 

“Enjoying the view?” Megumi questions as he laughs. “Go to hell” you say looking up at him pouting. “Already there” you roll your eyes as he sits down next to you. “the outfit didnt work huh?” He pouts at you as you shift over. “You know you could probably fuck anyone here but your too focused on gojos dick” you roll your eyes again trying not to curse megumi out “you wanna bet?” You say out of confidence. “Oh you’d lose in an instant”

You remember what nobara said and sigh. You grab megumi’s hoodie and straddle his lap seeing his face tint pink. “Are you fucking crazy” you roll your eyes as if he isnt getting rock hard under you right now. “Your not even pushing me off dont deny it now” you laugh looking into his low glossy eyes. “Well fuck kiss me.” He says you hesitate a little looking at gojo who obviously isnt paying any mind to yall. You kiss him gently holding his face. You feel him get harder by the second as you grind on his lap trying to get some friction.

Megumi snakes his hands around your waist. He sighs a bit as he deepens the kiss and carries you into gojos room.  He quickly opens and shuts the door pushing you against the wall kissing you harder. He hooked his hands under your bra cupping your breasts.

“You’re such a slut you know that right?” You gasp in response as he pinches your nipples. You think about how wrong this is especially fucking Gojos best friend in his room. You snap out of your thoughts from the feeling of being picked up megumi still dominating your mouth as he sits you on the bed. “Come on baby open that pretty mouth let me fuck it” he unzips his pants pulling them down along with his underwear. Revealing his pale colored dick suprizingly he was pretty big. He shoved his length in your mouth making you gag violently. He groaned loudly as he slowly thrusted in your mouth picking up pace by the second.

“So fucking wet and warm” he growled as he fucked your throat at this point he should be in your lungs because you can barely breathe with his length. “Look at me pretty girl” he said as he held your face you looked at him with cock drunk eyes and spit running down your chin. He rolled his eyes and took his cock out of your mouth. “lay down and spread your legs” he ripped your skirt off examined the wet spot on your panties and whispered a low fuck. Yes you hated megumi but fuck it felt so good to see a man look at your body like a starved animal. He kissed up and down your thighs leaving small marks, finally he slid your panties off revealing your arousal and pocketed them. He kissed the soft fleash of your pussy then licked a long stripe from your hole to your clit. You shivered at the sensation after a long minute of licking he finally sucked your clit making your hand jolt to his hair.

You arched and moaned as megumi ate you out. Really his tounge was skilled the muscle knew every spot inside and out of your body. “More” you uttered out in pleasure and he added two fingers in. You gripped his hair tightly from the sudden stretch he growled as you tightened around him. His fingers hit every spot you couldn’t its like you hated him for making you feel this good but at the same time you loved every second of it. You didn’t realize how this whole time he was watching expressions until he spoke “no come on baby look at me look at me and cum all over my face” you opened your eyes as your orgasm suddenly began building up you were seconds from coming eyes tearing up body shaking you came all over his fingers he lapped up your sweet liquids and came up to kiss your neck.

“Surprisingly you taste really fucking good” you scoffed at him he chuckled and slapped your ass harshly “Say thank you” you rolled your eyes “for what? Gojo’s probably better” you knew what you were doing you’re making him jealous it really fucked him up seriously. He looked at you like you were fucking stupid “Take it back” you laughed repeating what you said “really okay” he kissed you roughly biting your lip making it bleed breaking the kiss then flipping you into doggy style pushing your head into gojos pillows slapping your ass harshly multiple times then slapping his dick on your pussy. He slid it in quickly thrusting in giving you no time to adjust. Your eyes were rolling back head foggy not even 10 minutes in thats how good his dick was. You tried not to moan loud but megumi didn’t like it he grabbed your neck and yanked your head back to look at him. “Come on moan like the slut you are” you had no choice really you moaned his name loud enough for the whole house to hear luckily the music was up extremely loud. “Megumi fuck too big I can’t-“ he shoved your head back into the pillows he hated the word ‘can’t’ it just wasn’t in his vocabulary.

“Fuck megumi please im sorry” you dont know how many orgasms or how many positions megumi put you in but you know he wasnt even close to cumming and you guys ended up on the floor. “No no you want gojo right dont even think about moaning my name slut.” He smacked your ass harshly as he twitched inside of you as you came again. “Sorry ‘m so so sorry” you say slurred he laughs as he watches your make up run down your hot cheeks biting your shoulders again “awhh you want my cum baby? Or you want gojo to fill you up?” You shake your head no violently he doesn’t take this as an answer and slaps your ass four times making you scream. “Please you i want only you please cum in me please” you moan as he rubs your clit violently groaning and picking up his speed as be finally climaxes inside of you. “Fuckk baby you feel so fucking good” he shutters as he pulls out putting his cum back in with his fingers. Fingering you slowly to your last climax. You arch your back and cry his name as you squirt all over his fingers with a slight shake as you slowly fall asleep.

He picks you up off the floor and places you on the bed seeing you fall asleep. He laughs and puts on his clothes and dresses you carrying your sleeping body over his shoulders down the stairs letting gojo and nobara you guys are leaving. You woke up in the morning groggy and sore from last nights events, you felt a hand pull you in closer as you tried to get away. “Stop fucking moving” you rolled your eyes but obliged when the not so mysterious man behind you kissed your neck. “Megumi stop” you rolled over and kissed his lips softly as he looked at you with sleepy eyes arms still wrapped around your waist. He buried himself in your breasts and fell back asleep you did the did same resting your chin in his hair.

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚

      THE END💗

 This may be the last jjk fanfic I write as of rn😭 i gotta move on. Bye lovessss💗💗💗

[cherrysurf]

Metanoia | Atsumu Miya X Reader

Chapter 4; the weekend

You wake up around 1 in the afternoon, feeling like you could sleep in the whole day but can’t unfortunately, well at least not today. As you drag yourself to the bathroom to brush your teeth and wash your face to wake up fully, you haul yourself over to the kitchen greeted by kiyoko who’s at the table doing some assignments that she missed during the week, “hey yn did you read the group chat already?” she asks typing away on her computer, “no not yet I just woke up” you say as your pulling a redbull out the fridge cracking it open and walking over to the table to sit. “Well osamu is coming around 5 to prep and then the rest of the boys are coming around 5:30” she says as she’s still looking down at her computer “okay good when was all this planned?” You ask sipping on your energy drink “well around 7:30 when you were still in bed, if it makes you feel better tho keiji had just fall asleep at 7:30 so he’ll probably show up a bit later” she says looking up at you “mmh I’m not suprised he stays up to so other people’s assignments and gets paid really well” you say “anyways ima go shower I’ll leave you with your art assignments” you say getting up and walking off “kk yn” kiyoko says

Its now 5 O’clock you and kiyoko are chilling on the couch watching love is blind japan and then you hear a knock “oh it’s probably samu I’ll get it” you say to kiyoko as you get off the couch and make your way over to the door, “hey samu” you say opening the door to see Osamu standing in the doorway in casual attire “hey yn surprised you’re up right now, thought you’d be asleep still” he says making his way past you and into the apartment, “hahaha very funny, did the boys text you when they’d be here?” You say closing the door and following osamu into the kitchen “uhm yeah keiji and tsuki are gonna be on there way in a few, as for kenma i think he’s coming at like 5:20ish” he says opening the fridge, “mmh okay figured” you say leaning on the counter. “yeah I’ll get started on cooking, what are you and kiyoko watching?” He says looking for pans “love is blind” you say, “yn hurry your missing what’s going down right now!” Kiyoko yells, “turn up the tv I wanna hear too” osamu says “okay samu! yn come they just found out he was cheating!” Kiyoko responds, you dash over to your original seat on the couch to see this unfold

It’s now 5:30 keiji, tsukishima and kenma all got there and are sitting around in the living room, as you and kiyoko set the table and make sure the house looks presentable for the guests “I don’t know why you care so much it’s just bokuto and hinata you know” tsuki mentions from the couch “it’s not just them first off, and who cares how I take care of my house is an extension of myself” you say as your setting down plates “yeah if the boys didn’t have kuroo to keep them in check on cleaning I know the boys would slack” kenma says while playing on his game switch “they’ve always been like that since highschool tho” akaashi responds as he’s watching tv

7:30 rolls around as osamu just finished making the food and it’s all set out, kenma, tsuki, keiji and kiyoko are all sitting down, you and osamu go get the door and there stands kuroo, atsumu, bokuto, and hinata. “Hey guys” osamu says they all go give him a hug while you stand there “hi it’s so nice to meet all of you my name is yn” you say holding your hand out “hey yn my name is kuroo” he says shaking your hand, hinata and bokuto did the same thing after they walked into to go greet everyone else, “hey my name is atsumu it’s nice to finally meet my brothers best friend.” He says with a small smile looking at you, “hey it’s nice to meet you too, you guys actually do look so different now that I’m looking at both of you side by side” you say observing atsumu and osamu “yea yea i know im the better one” atsumu says with a laugh, “in your fucking dreams piss head” as osamu elbows him “come let’s go eat before the food gets cold I’m starving” you say leading them into the kitchen “yeah or before little trio eats it all” atsumu says.

-yn is no longer in denial atsumu is fine.

-osamu is very sus abt atsumu’s true intentions rn.

Taglist; @heartmaddie @liquidcatt @toorusfangirl @akaashislovee @saintcosette @twiishaa @w2mini @from-mae @exclusiverinaa

[kcalsforhim]

˖⋆࿐໋ monday 17th of december

⋆˙⟡

i forgot to weigh myself this day as well, but it really wasn’t that relevant… anyways. i woke up late again around 12:00-13:00 and i started my morning with my dad texting me… ill drop the texts below

i provided some translations.. well i went downstairs feeling very nervous… i decided i probably shouldn’t obsessively weigh my food or log it extensively so when i give the cal estimate it is a overestimation tbh…

when i was plating up my food he really made me nervous by being like “put more put more ! atleast 5-6” and “how much do you weigh ?” and when i said i didn’t know, he insisted i go to weigh myself. he then kept saying stuff like “you should’ve put more toppings” and “you used to be able to eat 5-6 of them” which makes sense cause i used to be in the bmi30’s and now im in the bmi17’s … it was just all very triggering. i still chose to eat downstairs to not arouse too much suspicion, although this did lead to me HAVING to finish my food… sigh

to preface, i fasted for 37 hours and 30 mins ! was pretty proud of this… usually i fast around 20-25 hours per meal nowadays but ofc since i skipped daytime eating the day before i got a pretty long fast in ^^

lunch omad :

3 pancakes, 2 with chocolate spread topping, one of those having a lotus cookie crumbled in, and 1 with strawberry jam —— some rice, idk how much, and 2 sausages. also a glass of water cause i did not want to drink any liquid cals . oh and cucumbers with greek yogurt

cals : 881

the cals were pretty terrible, but my dad is extremely pushy and he has a past of being emotionally abusive to a degree… he body shamed me DAILY when i was fat and now he’s seeing the consequences of his actions… my “eating disorder” was born from him and his words… i’ll be honest, if it was my choice, i would not have more than 2 pancakes, maybe even one, i would’ve kept fasting for longer, but i felt kind of backed into a corner

i was actually really afraid he’d make me eat more, but after i finished up i actually felt so full i could puke and my mom said i don’t need to force myself to eat if im genuinely not hungry which made me feel relief.

my dad said “he should eat atleast 2 more pancakes with dinner” something like this and i shook my head in silence, my mom said “nooo he can have them tommorow” and my dad said “tommorow is too late” almost as if to trigger my old binge eating habits

(i used to binge a lot because MY food in the fridge would always dissapear and just not be available for later consumption and i’d just get really scared and honestly greedy too…)

anyways i went back up feeling sick, i just didn’t do much of anything untill maybe 6-7 pm when i asked my mom to go to the store with me.. so we walk to the nearby store together cause i planned to get energy drinks for the next day (thank you past me)

i got 4 energy drinks for the next day, and my mom also got me more shampoo since i ran out of my one and had been using her in the times i would be showering.. she also got me 2 face cleansers since i use a specific one that doesn’t irritate my very sensitive thin ass eyelids i always slap lots of makeup and eyeliner and LASHGLUE ON (recently less guys im healing)… i also got a milkis drink and let her try it. sigh on the walk back home i felt dizzy and all but i honestly think its cause i smoke so much lol. i smoke on these walks with my mom

afterwards i got home and i called eli feeling tired. we talked a bit, then i drew for a little bit, not that long, then i started getting really hungry so i took sleeping pills at 9 pm.. i drew some more and by 10-11 pm i felt so tired i just put on my headphones and went to sleep… my scarred arm started swelling a bit today also and leaking ewwwwww but its fine its just healing. im so glad i’ve kept up my omad streak for quite a bit now im so so proud of myself tbh….

total cals : 881

total steps : n.v.t (35 min walk with mom !)

this song is very cool hehehe it reminds me of just… drawing and story writing and cool stories… just cool vibes.

⋆˙⟡

[sucker4sixx]

Promises

Recycled from 2023!

Plot: unlike def leppard nikki makes promises he cannot keep

Warnings: mental breakdown, smut

Another friday night. You spent the day at home cooking a lovely meal for nikki, he was always disappearing to have a drink with his band but this time he promised to come home, it was different from all the other promises because this time he said he ment it.

Again.

You cooked you both a huge chilli, his favourite. And set it out by 7pm. He finished work at 5 but you didnt expect him to come home straight away, that was completely fine. Just aslong as he was home before nine.

8pm. You ass was getting sore from the uncomfortable wooden seat that you waited on and the candles where halfway done. Yeah sure you where nervous but its not exactly like hes done anything wrong, theres still time for him to arrive. You thanked the stars you put the plastic containers over the plates or otherwise they would be cold.

8:30. You where growing impatient, the tight black dress you wore starting to itch. No matter how much you checked your phone you wouldnt call him. Its his job to keep a promise. He is an adult.

8:50. Tears started growing in your eyes "ten minutes nikki. You got ten more minutes" you whispered to yourself.

8:51...

8:52...

8:53...

8:59 *ping* your phone buzzed

Contact name: "nikki"

"Hay baby foing to be a lirtle late back hime tonight, lobe you so much x"

That same message you got almost every second day, your eyes pouring of tears now.

"Fuck you."

Not exactly mature but your brain was racing and it was all you could muster up. Instead of doing what you would usually do, cry in your bed. You picked up the two, well made, plates of food and threw them on the ground.

Screaming all hell. The wine glasses filled with that extremely expensive wine he bought you? Smashed against the wall. You would crush the candles but they had already completely melted.

Your phone rang and rang as you lay on the kitchen floor covered in cold chilly, pieces of glass from the wine glasses leaving tiny scars on your arms. Anyone wouldve thought you where manic, but you thought this was too tame compared to how he really made you feel. You cried your eyes out as if you had no neighbours and you where in the planet completely alone, thats how you felt anyways.

10pm, you didnt move from your position, the melt down slowing but the crying becoming more dramatic.

"How could he do this to me? Im such a great girlfriend. I cook home made meals, i dont expect much of him" you though, only seeing red.

*click*

You look over to see nikki standing at the door way, looking at you like you where some sort of monster "babe? Ive been calling you like crazy! What have you done!" He scolded you, walking towards the 'crime scene' as few might describe it. "You have no fucking right to be scolding me!" You screamed back, standing up, feeling light headed from crying and screaming so much "every week, i slave in the kitchen over you" you pointed to the chilli on the ground "baby i promise ill come home tonight you just go cook a fucking meal that will take you fucking hours so that i can stand you up!" You mocked him. You walked towards him slowly, grabbing onto his shirt leaving it covered in chilli "ive fucking had it with you nikki" you said weakly, crying "i-" "dont talk to me right now" you walked upstairs, a trail of chilli staining the white carpet.

You ran a shower and locked the bathroom door so that he couldnt come in. The water pelting against you as you sat down made the feeling go away, the deep feeling of being stabbed in the back. After your long shower you got out and put on your pjs that thank god you remembered to take them in and dried your hair with the hairdryer that sat on the counter.

*knock knock*

You turned round to look at the door where the knocks came from. "Honey?" god he knew you loved when he called you that "what is it, nikki?" "Let me in please" he winced, almost like he was crying "i cant" he just huffed and sat against the door "i know i failed you multiple times" you sat against the door too feeling your eyes tear up "but god if you only knew how much i love you. God if only i could show you then youd know forever" "nikki ive heard it before. Your never going to change" you heard him crying softly "baby please" he pawed at the door, the alcohol becoming more evident. You reluctantly opened the door and he looked up at you like a lost kitten, propping himself up with one hand, eyes bright red and puffy. You both stayed still for a minute untill you got onto your knees, his gorgeous eyes scanning your face for your next move. Softly you kissed him and he brought his hand up to hold your face.

Without warning nikki slowly started backing you up onto the floor, his other hand behind your head. When you where fully on the ground, his hands traveled down to your pj pants to pull them down to your ankles while you undid his tight leather jeans. Soon you where both stripped as nikki sat inbetween your legs, kissing you on the neck making you whimper softly. He grabbed onto your hands tight "please dont leave me baby" he whispered, your hand coming up to tangle your fingers in his hair making him whimper too. He sat up, left arm resting by your head, legs spreading yours to give him more access and his right hand holding his dick. He dragged his tip through your folds painfully slow, knowing how to tease you right "nikki hurry up!" You laughed, you laughter was cut off by a gasp as he pushed into you. He moved down slowly since there was no foreplay, both groaning as he did so "fuck honey, your so tight"

You grabbed him into a tight hug as he finally got right into you, stopping to let your pussy adjust. "Are you okay baby?" You pulled him back in, making his dick go in further, you moan softly "i missed you" as a response nikki started moving out of you and moving back in before he was fully out. Your back arched on the cold tiles as nikkis pace quickened, still in a tight hug. He peppered your face with kisses making your face blush even more"im so sorry baby, im so sorry" he mumbled speeding up, your sweat mixing and the sound of his skin hitting yours becoming louder. You trailed your tongue up his neck making him moan and rest his forehead head on the cold tiles. You brought your hand down to play with your clit noticing that nikki was unintentionally getting more out of it than you, your other hand coming up to tug on his black scruffy hair.

Five minutes later he started thrusting sloppily and you felt the knot in your tummy tighten as he started to hit the g spot, you let out a loud moan and nikki figured you out, pushing in and out harder the exact way he did making you almost cry his name "baby...im going to cum" you winced feeling your vision blur and nikkj picked up his pace"let yourself go honey, cum around me" it was odd not hearing nikki swear and dirty talk but then again it was odd having soft sex and even odder having it on the bathroom floor. Your thighs shook as you felt the knot undo. Nikki moaning loudly when he felt you tighten around him "oh fuck baby, where should i cum" "on my chest" with that he pulled out fast and pumped himself a few times, making deep eye contact.

After a second or two his warm cum splatted on your tummy and rolled down your sides, he let out a struggled moan, hanging his head low.

None of you moved for a minute or two. Your back lay against the cold tiles gasping for air and nikki stayed between your legs gasping too. Both covered in sweat. Eventually he got some toilet paper and cleaned you both up, after, he picked you up carefully and carried you bridal style into the bedroom laying you down gently, no words spoken at all. "Are you alright darling?" He looked down at you "i just need you to be here then ill be alright" you felt your eyes tearing up, he got in next to you, staring at you sympathetically "ill be home tomorrow night i swear on it, ill try even harder" you couldnt help but frown, hearing the same speech again and again was getting tiring "yeah." "what did i say?"

"What you say every day" he stopped to think for a minute "ill try harder this time, ill tell mick. You know him he wont let me stay i swear, I want to be better for you baby i mean it" you felt your cheeks glow but stopped yourself from thinking of any change actually happening.

Saturday night. You spent the day at home cooking a lovely meal for nikki, he was always disappearing to have a drink with his band but this time he promised to come home, it was different from all the other promises because this time he said he ment it. Again.

You cooked you both a spaghetti, your favourite. And set it out by 7pm. He finished work at 5 but you didnt expect him to come home straight away, that was completely fine. Just aslong as he was home before nine.

8pm. You ass was getting sore from the uncomfortable wooden seat that you waited on and the candles where halfway done. Yeah sure you where nervous but its not exactly like hes done anything wrong, theres still time for him to arrive. You thanked the stars you put the plastic containers over the plates or otherwise they would be cold. No matter how much you checked your phone you wouldnt call him. Its his job to keep a promise. He is an adult.

8:30. Tears started growing in your eyes again *CLICK*

"hey baby im home!"...

[chaoticmannamedoliver]

Okay so, below is a health ish update and a vent about my former GP- cause they did smth that feld dehumanizing. This is mostly just so other people who might have similar health issues to me, can point me into right directions....im iffy about doctors rn-

Contents:

- stupid thing my GP did

- listing of my pains i have that neither of my 2 GP's ive been to acknowledged or bothered with. If you have something similar or know ANYTHING, i really need help, even just little things to make it easier.

- So, what my last gp did -

So i had an appointment with her recently that i took my boyfriend too since he was visiting me anyway- love him

I sat down, and the whole appointment was just a disappointment. She basically gave up on figuring out why im dizzy or why my blood pressure is so high with 18. I asked what im supposed to do with my heart, what im supposed to do about the dizzy- that i came to her for answers- but the woman who seemed so keen on finding out whats wrong with me, cursing my first gp for just prescribing me HBP Meds without further research and who daid she loved working with young adults...just apparently gave up n said is nothing n that i should just continue talking my meds. I had my shitty ass cane to the appointment with me, which she asked about - and i said it helped me with my dizzy, to which she rolled her eyes

She offered one more test, probably just to get me out and left for a bit to talk with a doctor. In the meantime i had a breakdown because i got no answers- and didn't get any further.

When she came back, she told me to get up and go straight, i asked to where exactly- then she grabbed my arm, took my cane from me and with a very uncomfortable grip, dragged me to the waiting area in front of the room for the last test and sat me down, giving the cane to my probably very taken aback partner who had followed us and mutteredthat i didn't need it and. I had another breakdown and didn't understand what happened yet- but it felt bad, dehumanizing?? GP asked me not to cry, and that what she did was just to give me courage and then just left. It felt like she never listened to anything i said- and i still don't know what to make of what happened - if anyone has suggestions- do tell? It felt....hurtful

- My issues and ows and whatnot -

So, there are a few, especially now that i have someone who actually tells me that they're not normal.

- my feet/heels start hurting after 5 ish minutes of standing

- i get dizzy if i stand for a minute or two on bad days and good days it kicks after 1-10 minutes

- heat and shower makes dizzy worse. A sitting think in the shower would make it better

- i have too high blood pressure if i don't take the meds.

- no, the dizzy doesn't come from any ear organ stuff. Tested that.

- the dizzy had gotten. Better after the meds, now its hard to tell.

- sometimes my gravity just says no.

- after maybe 30 min to an hour of walking, my feet/heels hurt. After a certain point i get dizzy. Then no amount of break will fix it. I need to lay down.

- without my cane, walking feels heavy. Please let me use my cane for fucks sake im going to hit the next doctor who says i don't need it i swear to GOD.

- growth pain. After a day of walking. Or cleaning. My knees and shins hurt. Especially once im laying again. They hurt so much that i want to claw at them. Take them out. Agony. Luckily ive started to recognize the kinda pain early and take a paracetamol- but without it? Not matter what position, im in pain

I don't think im supposed to have growth pain anymore with almost 19, right?

- when i get dizzy, the ground feels like its zooming away from me

- i was born at the end of the 6th month? If that helps any-

- inherited migraines from my dad- also just side info

[dumb-puppy-whore]

Do all the omo questions, I dare you 😈

1 - What do you enjoy the most about omorashi & pee desperation?

The humiliation of needing to pee and not knowing if you're going to make it

2 - What do you like to see in the aftermath of an accident?

I actually hate the aftermath but its less bad with minimal clean up and someone to help with aftercare

3 - Where's the most unusual or unique place you've peed?

When I was a kid I had to pee in a trash can because my family was on a road trip and the store we came across had just closed 5 minutes prior

4 - What kink pairs best with omorashi or pee desperation for you?

Humiliation, age play, and diapers

5 - Do you prefer being desperate to pee, or seeing others desperate?

Being desperate

6 - Do you have a strong bladder or a weak bladder? Large bladder, or small bladder?

Small-ish but strong

7 - What was the longest time that you’ve ever held your bladder? And did you make it to the bathroom?

I often miss signals my body gives me so I honestly could not tell you. maybe last time I did a live hold

8 - Have you ever made someone else wet themselves?

No

9 - Do you have a favorite outfit for omorashi or wetting?

Not really, prefer to wear minimal clothing though

10 - What drink gets you the most desperate in a short amount of time?

No one drink really gets me more desperate it just depends on the volume

11 - Do you prefer when people groan from relief, or whimper from embarrassment?

I'm not into controlling/watching other people and Im not a fan of hearing myself do either

12 - Do you like tiny leaks, big gushing leaks, or no leaking at all?

I like all of them but I think big gushes are much more embarrassing and nervewracking which makes them more appealing to me

13 - Do you prefer more extreme desperation with a 'just made it' ending, or mild desperation with wetting?

I think probably extreme desperation with a 'just made it' ending

14 - How would you feel if you got caught peeing somewhere unusual?

If it was at like a kink event or something where that kind of thing was okay I would feel embarrassed but probably get over it but if it was truly in public I would simply pass away

15 - Are there any words or phrases in omo that get you weak at the knees?

Anything that brings attention to the humiliation of it. like if someone is trying to be discrete about it and use fomal/medical language to describe their desperation but then whoever theyre with is like "oh do you need to go potty?"

16 - Name an under-appreciated omorashi trope.

I don't know that its really under-appreciated but like whump situations where someone is really sick or hurt and they can't tell/be bothered to go when they need to

17 - Name a kink you’re on the fence about, and explain why.

Cathaters/Sounding - its very hot in theory but there are so many things that can go wrong with it that it makes me nervous

18 - What’s something you fantasize about, but would hate in real life?

This is unrelated to omo but misgendering/sissification

19 - What type of porn does the world need more of?

T4T puppyboy x femdom

20 - What omo trope do you know is cliche or unrealistic, but you love anyway?

When the stoic character is desperate

21 - What's something you only see in animated porn or fictional erotica that you wish was possible in real life?

a victim's bladder filling up like a balloon

22 - How do you feel about fear wetting?

horny.

23 - How do you feel about bed-wetting?

😵‍💫😵‍💫🥺🥺

24 - How do you feel about bathroom schedules or needing permission to pee?

🥺🥺🥺🥺🫣🫣🫣🫣🥴🥴🥴🥴

25 - Do you like watersports/golden showers?

yes

26 - When's the last time you were desperate to pee without meaning to be?

Now

27 - When's the last time you didn't quite make it to the toilet?

About a week ago

28 - Have you ever peed outside or in public?

Yes

29 - Are you shy about your bladder needs, or are you open about peeing?

Im shy when talking about it but not bladder shy

30 - What is the wildest pee fantasy you ever had that actually came true?

I haven't really gotten to explore many of my fantasys

31 - Name one pee-related turn-on and one turn-off you have.

Turn-on: when you eat a girl out and there's residual piss flavor

Turn-off: dark yellow/amber dehydrated piss

32 - Dramatic pee dance, or denying their desperation?

Both

33 - Jeans wetting or skirt wetting?

Skirt

34 - Athletic uniform or business uniform?

Athletic

35 - Naked holding or cozy casual holding?

Depends on my mood but usually both

36 - Do you pee in the shower?

Sometimes

37 - Do you pee in the water when you go swimming?

Sometimes

38 - Do you or would you pee in front of a date or partner?

Partner: yes, Date: depends on the relationship

39 - Would you let a date or partner help you hold in your pee?

Partner: yes, Date: depends on the relationship

40 - Whats your safe-word?

Depends on the scene

[myfriendofmiseryyy]

The intimacy of being understood by someone.

Marcus pike x plus-sized fem autistic reader

Reader has no physical description apart from being plus-sized and having short to medium length hair

This is my first fic so plz be kind I love this man so much 🥹 this will be part one,I might do more parts:)) all will be pov of reader :)

I wake up an hour before my alarm,typical. I stretch over to check the time and my phone flashes 5:30am,I guess I could just sit here and wallow in depression for an hour. NO I NEED TO STOP THAT ITS MY FIRST DAY IN A NEW JOB! I didn’t move half way across the fucking world for nothing! I sigh and motivate myself to get in the shower,what a day already. After the shower I’m greeted by my cat whiskey,”you hungry buddy?” He meows,yeah me too. Getting dressed into my “work clothes” I do a mental check list,shower? Check? Feed whiskey? Just about to do. Check your phone is FULLY CHARGED! I glance at my phone,yep 100 percent. Check to see if AirPods are also fully charged! Check. I go to the rucksack at the end of my bed,have I got everything? Ok,water? In the fridge. Binders and notebook,yep,chargers,yep. Lunch? I’ll pick some up on the way. Ok I’m good,I’m ok,everything is going to be alright. I say to myself as I exit the bedroom to feed myself and whiskey. I glance at the time,6:30. Cool. After feeding whiskey I grab myself some breakfast and sit down,feeling very anxious about the day ahead…I shouldn’t really call mum but I need too…

She picks up after the second attempt “hey mum”

“Hi baby! How’s America?”

Yeah all good,I’ve settled in now,but it’s the first day of my new job today and I’m really nervous”

“Oh sweetie,just remember the routine we put in place ok? Check your things as many times as you need,remember to breathe ok? You will smash it I promise,you’re are so amazing baby,I’m so proud of you”

“Thanks mum I’m just worried people will think I’m weird or I fuck the whole thing up,I love you so much”

“You won’t,and I love you too. You go smash them girl!”

“I’ll try! I got to go now mum I’ll text you later!”

I take a deep breath and count all my things again,right time for me to go bud,I stroke whiskey and give him a kiss on the head

Navigating DC is bad at the best of times but at rush hour,when you don’t know the place,it’s hell. I feel my breath quicken and my palms go clammy,”not now not now”I say to myself but it’s too late,I’m having a full on panic attack in the middle of dc trying to navigate the fucking subway. Suddenly I hear a voice,”hey,hey sweetheart can you hear me?” Shit i didn’t realise I fell,my vision and hearing are muffled but I hear a man talking.he bends down to my level so he’s not so intimidating…suddenly all my senses are heightened again,and I suddenly become aware of my surroundings…there’s a few people crowded around me,the man who’s voice I heard is kneeling next to me…holy shit I feel so embarrassed…he’s gorgeous..he has the most beautiful deep brown eyes his whole face looks like it’s been carved by the gods. “Hey you with me” he looks up at me with those beautiful…but weirdly very caring eyes… “I’m sorry I don’t know what happened” i babble…”you fell over,luckily I don’t think you’re injured”he smiles reassuringly. “Do you know what caused it?” He asks softly,”I don’t know,one minute I was walking around trying to find the subway,next minute I’m on the ground with multiple people standing around me” “don’t worry I made sure they all got on their way,most of them are just nosy anyway,don’t actually care what’s happening,where abouts were you going?”

“To the greens,it’s my first day at work”. Suddenly I remember that I’m probably now hours late for work and I’m just sitting in the middle of the street talking to a stranger…that potentially saved my life. “SHIT IM SO LATE FOR WORK MY BOSS IS GOING TO KILL ME”I suddenly start to panic again,tears streaming down my face. “Hey,hey look at me breathe ok,breathe with me he places my hand on his chest and I copy his breathing…”I’m sorry you probably think I’m some sort of freak” I mutter after I calm down again. “Not at all,we all have anxiety,myself included.i remember the first day I came to DC,i spent 5 minutes out here then I locked myself in the house for 2 weeks.” “I’m Marcus by the way.” You must be Daisy?” I saw on your name tag.

“Yeah…it’s nice to meet you Marcus,thank you for everything”

“It’s no problem,also it looks like we work in the same place! Marcus pulls out his fbi name badge

“Omg that’s such a coincidence,but why me? Why did you stop to help me?

“ because you looked like you needed help,you almost looked in pain,and I wanted to help you. Marcus says softly.

this time we both were walking through the crowded streets of DC. It felt better with someone next to me.

Thank you,so much. I’m not going to lie,I think it was a panic attack,I haven’t had one in years,but I think with the move and the change of routine it all just hit me at once. I’m sorry you had to see me like that,I laugh hoping to make the air less awkward . god this man is beautiful,and kind to! And he works with me? God I need to pull myself together.

“Don’t worry about it and yeah I kinda guessed that,panic attacks can be so scary and vicious sometimes can’t they?”

“You can say that again”

By time we finish our conversation we are on the subway train. I nervously bob my leg up and down

“Hey it’s going to be ok!” Marcus reassures me.

“Can I be honest with you Marcus?”

“ sure” he smiles

“I think I would still be freezing to death on that pavement if it wasn’t for you” I laugh softly

“A cop or someone like that would of found you I’m no hero I promise”he winks

Fuck that was sexy,I’m already falling for this man and it’s been what 2 hours? He is probably married I need to stop.

“But you did save my life” “well it felt like you did”

He blushes “I really didn’t”

“Let me take you out for dinner” I blurt out. Shit did I really just say that??

“Only If you let me pay” Marcus smiles big “honestly was thinking of asking you out for dinner,your beautiful”

“ Wait really”

“Yes”he chuckles,”come on this is our stop”

[therealpontius]

I mean it

Plot: your boyfriend likes to lie alot more than goes noticed…

Warnings: breakdown/ screaming/ arguing/ crying/ smut/ p n v/ alcohol use

Another friday night. You spent the day at home cooking a lovely meal for ryan, he was always disappearing to have a drink with bam and novak but this time he promised to come home, it was different from all the other promises because this time he said he ment it. Again.

You cooked you both a huge chilli, his favourite. And set it out by 7pm. He finished work at 5 but you didnt expect him to come home straight away, that was completely fine. Just aslong as he was home before nine.

8pm. You ass was getting sore from the uncomfortable wooden seat that you waited on and the candles where halfway done. Yeah sure you where nervous but its not exactly like hes done anything wrong, theres still time for him to arrive. You thanked the stars you put the plastic containers over the plates or otherwise they would be cold.

8:30. You where growing impatient, the tight black dress you wore starting to itch. No matter how much you checked your phone you wouldnt call him. Its his job to keep a promise. He is an adult.

8:50. Tears started growing in your eyes "ten minutes ryan. You got ten more minutes" you whispered to yourself.

8:51...

8:52...

8:53...

8:59 *ping* your phone buzzed

Contact name: "ry"

"Hay baby foing to be a lirrtle late back hime tonight, lobe you so much x"

That same message you got almost every second day, your eyes pouring of tears now.

"Fuck you."

Not exactly mature but your brain was racing and it was all you could muster up. Instead of doing what you would usually do, cry in your bed. You picked up the two, well made, plates of food and threw them on the ground. Screaming all hell. The wine glasses filled with that extremely expensive wine he bought you? Smashed against the wall. You would crush the candles but they had already completely melted.

Your phone rang and rang as you lay on the kitchen floor covered in cold chilly, pieces of glass from the wine glasses leaving tiny scars on your arms. Anyone wouldve thought you where manic, but you thought this was too tame compared to how he really made you feel. You cried your eyes out as if you had no neighbours and you where in the planet completely alone, thats how you felt anyways.

10pm, you didnt move from your position, the melt down slowing but the crying becoming more dramatic. "How could he do this to me? Im such a great girlfriend. I cook home made meals, i dont expect much of him" you though, only seeing red.

*click*

You look over to see ryan standing at the door way, looking at you like you where some sort of monster "y/n? Ive been calling you like crazy! What have you done!" He scolded you, walking towards the 'crime scene' as few might describe it. "You have no fucking right to be scolding me!" You screamed back, standing up, feeling light headed from crying and screaming so much "every week, i slave in the kitchen over you" you pointed to the chilli on the ground "y/n baby i promise ill come home tonight you just go cook a fucking meal that will take you fucking hours so that i can stand you up!" You mocked him. You walked towards him slowly, grabbing onto his shirt leaving it covered in chilli "ive fucking had it with you ryan" you said weakly, crying "i-" "dont talk to me right now" you walked upstairs, a trail of chilli staining the white carpet.

You ran a shower and locked the bathroom door so that he couldnt come in. The water pelting against you as you sat down made the feeling go away, the deep feeling of being stabbed in the back. After your long shower you got out and put on your pjs that thank god you remembered to take them in and dried your hair with the hairdryer that sat on the counter.

*knock knock*

You turned round to look at the door where the knocks came from. "Honey?"god he knew you loved when he called you that "what is it, ryan?" "Let me in please" he winced, almost like he was crying "i cant" he just huffed and sat against the door "i know i failed you multiple times" you sat against the door too feeling your eyes tear up "but god if you only knew how much i love you. God if only i could show you then youd know forever" "ryan ive heard it before. Your never going to change" you heard him crying softly "baby please" he pawed at the door, the alcohol becoming more evident. You reluctantly opened the door and he looked up at you like a lost kitten, propping himself up with one hand, eyes bright red and puffy. You both stayed still for a minute untill you got onto your knees, his gorgeous eyes scanning your face for your next move. Softly you kissed him and he brought his hand up to hold your face.

Without warning ryan slowly started backing you up onto the floor, his other hand behind your head. When you where fully on the ground, his hands traveled down to your pj pants to pull them down to your ankles while you undid his tight blue jeans. Soon you where both stripped as ryan sat inbetween your legs, kissing you on the neck making you whimper softly. He grabbed onto your hands tight "please dont leave me baby" he whispered, your hand coming up to tangle your fingers in his hair making him whimper too. He sat up, left arm resting by your head, legs spreading yours to give him more access and his right hand holding his dick. He dragged his tip through your folds painfully slow, knowing how to tease you right "ryan hurry up!" You laughed, you laughter was cut off by a gasp as he pushed into you. He moved down slowly since there was no foreplay, both groaning as he did so "fuck honey, your so tight"

You grabbed him into a tight hug as he finally got right into you, stopping to let your pussy adjust. “Are you okay baby?” You pulled him back in, making his dick go in further, you moan softly “i missed you” as a response ryan started moving out of you and moving back in before he was fully out. Your back arched on the cold tiles as ryans pace quickened, still in a tight hug. He peppered your face with kisses making your face blush even more“im so sorry baby, im so sorry” he mumbled speeding up, your sweat mixing and the sound of his skin hitting yours becoming louder. You trailed your tongue up his neck making him moan and rest his forehead head on the cold tiles. You brought your hand down to play with your clit noticing that ryan was unintentionally getting more out of it than you, your other hand coming up to tug on his ginger scruffy hair.

Five minutes later he started thrusting sloppily and you felt the knot in your tummy tighten as he started to hit the g spot, you let out a loud moan and ryan figured you out, pushing in and out harder the exact way he did making you almost cry his name “baby…im going to cum” you winced feeling your vision blur and ryan picked up his pace“let yourself go honey, cum around me” it was odd not hearing ryan swear and dirty talk but then again it was odd having soft sex and even odder having it on the bathroom floor. Your thighs shook as you felt the knot undo, ryan moaning loudly when he felt you tighten around him “oh fuck baby, where should i cum” “on my chest” with that he pulled out fast and pumped himself a few times, making deep eye contact. After a second or two his warm cum splatted on your tummy and rolled down your sides, he let out a struggled moan, hanging his head low.

None of you moved for a minute or two. Your back lay against the cold tiles gasping for air and ryan stayed between your legs gasping too. Both covered in sweat. Eventually he got some toilet paper and cleaned you both up, after, he picked you up carefully and carried you bridal style into the bedroom laying you down gently, no words spoken at all. “Are you alright darling?” He looked down at you “i just need you to be here then ill be alright” you felt your eyes tearing up, he got in next to you, staring at you sympathetically “ill be home tomorrow night i swear on it, ill try even harder” you couldnt help but frown, hearing the same speech again and again was getting tiring “yeah..” “what did i say?” “What you say every day” he stopped to think for a minute “ill try harder this time, ill tell april. She wont let me stay i swear, I want to be better for you baby i mean it” you felt your cheeks glow but stopped yourself from thinking of any change actually happening.

~

Saturday night. You spent the day at home cooking a lovely meal for ryan, he was always disappearing to have a drink with bam and novak but this time he promised to come home, it was different from all the other promises because this time he said he ment it. Again.

You cooked you both a spaghetti , your favourite. And set it out by 7pm. He finished work at 5 but you didnt expect him to come home straight away, that was completely fine. Just aslong as he was home before nine.

8pm. You ass was getting sore from the uncomfortable wooden seat that you waited on and the candles where halfway done. Yeah sure you where nervous but its not exactly like hes done anything wrong, theres still time for him to arrive. You thanked the stars you put the plastic containers over the plates or otherwise they would be cold. No matter how much you checked your phone you wouldnt call him. Its his job to keep a promise. He is an adult.

8:30. Tears started growing in your eyes again *CLICK* “hey baby im home!”…

[mojavepumpkin]

monday, february 26th

8pm

so i just deleted an entire blog post on accident. upsetting. highly upsetting infact! so yesterday i went on a 10 mile hike with J, saw H. it was a good day. stayed up a little too late. but it was a good day. spent only 2 hours and 30 minutes on my phone.

today has been a good day. i still feel weird. like im missing something. i hope that goes away with some time. today was also good. only one bad thing has happened and it has been the deletion of the WIP post, i thought i posted it too. just very upsetting. better to not think about it i suppose. well now there is a second bad thing - dog will not stop barking. this is why im a cat person. third bad thing - my mom playing videos at full volume in the living room while we're all in here.

okay. good day. i had a good day. art was fine. we got our project in biology, kierstin wasn't here again. math was fine - i dont really understand but i can get by. i need to do the homework in there. we started the great gatsby - i really like it. REALLY LIKE IT. anyway, met L for a walk at the library. ended up doing like 7ish miles, we talked the whole time. it was fun. he was supposed to volunteer for the library, but we spent the whole time walking and talking. i got a book from the library (Jane Eyre) , with his assistance. We ate at mcdonalds - which was surprisingly very good. sidenote; the library has very nice bathrooms.

as soon as i got home i played basketball for another 45 minutes until the sun went down, listened to a podcast during. took a shower, now im writing this. stayed busy during the afternoon, and am better off for it probably.

ive started leaving my phone in places i am not when i dont need my phone. also; new idea on limiting time on reddit and other stuff - i should set a timer on my phone for like 30 minutes and set that time aside for using reddit and stuff. pretty good solution.

i wonder how tomorrow will be. i work. i close. i go to school for the full 7.5 hours too, plus like 5 at work. i'll be at home for approximately 20ish minutes before 10 o'clock. i hope theres time to do math homework in art because if not im in deeep shite if theres a homework check. im tired. im full. i wonder if theres anything else that i have to say. i have a mini-headache. i dont want to go to public speaking tomorrow. i gave away 2 pairs of shoes. i made one of my favorite meals;

Bread (preferably french, and toasted (just like how i like my men))

Sour cream (or greek yogurt)

Sauteed and sliced mushrooms.

its so delicious. i also had a chicken breast with some gravy. and a diet coke - heavenly.

anyway, its probably time i go. cya.

[ursogoldenn]

october 3, 2024 dear diary...

i liked today!! i woke up a little later so my brother got all mad at me for using the bathroom to straighten my hair because he needed to shower but thats on HIM because he always showers at 7:15 and if hes late then i just start my hair because it takes at least 30 minutes. but yeah the morning was fine, then i went to history and OMG OK so the teacher rearranged the tables into groups and said sit wherever and make your own groups. so i only really have one friend in that class so we sat together at one table and NO ONE JOINED US??? SO WE DID IT WITH JUST THE TWO OF US INSTEAD OF 5-6?? it honestly made it easier and everyone in that class is lowkey rude but STILL. anywayyy then we decided that we wanted to go to france because we're learning about french history right now and i just really wanna go there 😫😫 also marie antionette's last words were apologizing to her executioner for stepping on his foot and that makes me rlly sad... OK ANYWAY then i went to leadership which was fun, nothing eventful. then i had spanish and i was so scared because that class we use our computers all period and mine was so low and i was scared it was gonna die and i was gonna get in trouble but I SURVIVED :) and thennnn i went home and did a little homework but im planning to do most of it tomorrow. because we dont have school tomorrow and i am going to be SO productive i just know it. i have to be for my own sake... but still. and yeah! today was fun, ive been listening to the playlist that may made of masie peters songs and i fear im in love with her and her music... in love with her in a girlkisser way ykwim. ahh idk its so fun to finally be (semi) comfortable calling myself bi because omg girls are so pretty??? also i think im slowly developing my type in girls. because i have a very obvious type in guys but idk abt girls yet. but like masie peters has the same vibes as my crush so if that makes sense...? also glasses on anyone of any gender is 😍 anywayyy yeah i didnt write one for yesterday but in my defense i was speedrunning an english assignment due at midnight then went to sleep.

looking forward to: forcing myself to be productive tomorrow proud of myself for: finishing the spanish assignment in class song stuck in my head: youre just a boy (and im kinda the man) by masie peters

[isoobie]

hii can i know your daily routine from morning to night. i also want to know how you manage writing and how you manage your tumblr. i want to know what major you study. i want to know because i am new to tumblr and managing time is hard for me. if you feel this ask uncomfy, you can ignore me.

hi nonie! tbf i am the person you would least want to ask bc i kinda ghosted this app and writing for a couple months but i can tell u anyway :P

as i am still a student in school i dont major in any particular field yet but i still have lots of tests so i revise alot 🤲🏼

with managing my writing and this tumblr acc i usually aim to write something whenever i get the chance to, for example, if i have some free time or i have finished my work early ill go in my drafts and cook something up

however its different if i was working on a smau or long fic, for those instances i would keep in mind that i need to write every day for ‘this’ long and update my smau ‘this’ many days if that makes sense

i think the main point is to balance your social and personal life with this acc because being chronically online can be fun but missing your assignments and slacking on grades isnt so fun either :/

and as for my daily routine 🫳🏼 i wake up at 5:30 am in the morning and get any school work done if possible or i do a small workout thats 30 to 40 minutes long and then get ready for school

when im on the bus i usually check my socials and take that time to reply to messages and work on a fic, and the same thing goes for when im coming back home

its 4:45 pm when i come back home and once i do i watch a show or kdrama and eat a snack before going on a walk or riding my bicycle for 30 minutes

after that i shower and go to study and do any homework or revise, but if i have nothing to do i take the chance to write some more (i need to start again)

[keefwho]

May 22 - 2024 Wednesday

10:29pm

5.5/10

This morning I skimped on the cleaning. Its why I wrote that post earlier. I don't know why, I just wasn't seeing the point in it I guess. I thought everything was clean enough (but I didn't really). I think it was clean enough by other people's standards, most notably my parents so I felt like I shouldn't clean more lest I be ridiculed. But no one is actually going to see it anyways, let alone ridicule me. I think it was some kind of leftover feelings springing up out of nowhere. Tomorrow I plan to diligently clean during cleaning time. After my shower I made eggs, spam, and rice for breakfast. I ate sort of quickly again which I regret, I swear I always feel rushed. Literally every minute of the day. BR and JG @'ed me to join voice which was strange so I did. We hung out before work time and then I streamed while in call with them.

The stream was very fun. We had a lot to talk about and poke fun at. My dad also called to tell me my nephew QN was stabbed and killed last night which was news for sure. I warmed up with more cat sketches and worked on SZ's commission for the whole stream. A freaky lil thing I did 2 birthdays ago came up but no one actually spilled the beans. I was okay not keeping it a secret but it was more fun to me if I wasn't the one telling everyone what I did. I was also made to whimper on command which tingled me. After awhile everyone left and it was literally just me. I started getting bored but I finished work.

Afterwards I sat back and snacked on WAY too many cheetos. I allowed myself to keep nibbling on them until I was satisfied. I also ate a cookie. The whole time I was watching Henry stream. For lunch I just had a packet of soup since I snacked so much.

In the afternoon I did a weird request to draw a chibi monkey which I don't think I did very well. Only passable maybe. I really just don't like my own art style when it comes to drawing characters, specifically faces. I've never really enjoyed how I draw my ponies for example. I really am more of a scenery artist. After the request I had a really good cuck art idea so I started on that and made good progress. Then I took another crack at making eyes for my low poly pony and they are a little bit better but I might keep trying.

After work I booted up KSP and launched 5 relay satellites to the moons. I joined BD's vc since her and friends were in there but they were only in call about 30 minutes. Eventually I finished Kerbal and DS called in bed. We did puzzles and she checked out a bunch of dog fashion while looking for a collar for Sporticus. I played Roblox horses while we talked but it felt very empty, I really have no goal in the game. I wish they had a player horse market or leaderboard or something.

This morning I wasn't in too great of a mood. I woke up realizing some things, or maybe I was just in my head and seeking out problems. Tonight I planned to practice perspective taking while socializing but every time I start talking to someone, I sorta forget to do it. On top of that I don't think I was myself tonight. I have lots of valid feelings, urges, and thoughts I don't get out sometimes. Out of fear maybe. Im always afraid of pushing people away but I also know if I do, they weren't meant to be in my life anyways.

[dogstarblues]

accomplishments 3/26/24, no particular order

im gonna preface this by saying i overdid it today

baked fish for roommate

made lemonade

made blackcurrant cinnamon rolls

made saag and rice

made an egg sandwich

made mango milk

drove 30 min to and 30 min back to an emissions testing kiosk (this was the most i've driven in like 2 years)

walked to the local latino market (23 min)

walked my dog (26 min)

did the dishes

did the dishes again

met with my dad for a short while (stood for 20 min)

cleaned pots

wiped down the counter

did a load of laundry

did three rounds of tarot reading because i simply wasn't getting the fucking message

still have not showered but i will. my legs hurt. my dad was the final straw for my legs i think and making saag and rice and lemonade for dinner was the pushing past the final straw. i don't look forward to tomorrow but. i hope its okay? who knows with my new condition the way it is. (been on a new pill for the fibromyalgia and CFS since last wednesday and it's like. working. really well. every day i've been on it has been just a bit better than my best fibro days pre-CFS, i'm just massively out of shape [not like as in fatness, though i am fat, i mean i'm physically weak; i used to be a powerlifter for christ's sake]. i have to re-train my muscles to get stamina back.)

but i fucking overdid it today and i wish i hadn't. i was partially testing myself to see what i could do, partially trying to figure out what my body needs or wants, partially reveling in the fact that i CAN do more things again. but i have to take it slow. i've BEEN taking it slow until today. but today was just a lot, emotionally, earlier in the day. i was terrified on my drive to the kiosk, the roads were winding with sharp turns and steep curves. i'm used to driving to the grocery store and back. or the latino market. or the asian market. all of which are So Fucking Close. like a 4-6 min drive. at most i've pulled my shit together to take my dog to the vet which is a 10 min drive with traffic. 30 min was a leap. 30 min twice was an even bigger leap.

i've figured something out tho: my body misses activity. i've had days before (like today) with decision paralysis like today feeling like everything i do is wrong and that (i realized today) means that i need exercise. i need to move my body somehow. i've looked up a 13 min yoga routine to do and i'm going to restrict walks to a leisurely and short walk. because i still have to walk my dog 3-5 days out of the week (roommate has her on his days off). and those walks take 20-35 minutes these days. anyway. gotta take it slower.