#anyway it’s really good you guys should go watch it
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skywalkerslvt · 2 days ago
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puhleasee write more sub peter parker stuff 🙏🙏 its so good
pairing: college!peter parker x reader
CW: dry riding, cumming in pants, sub peter, 1.3k words
summary: dry riding peter while he tutors you
a/n: submissive loser nerds who have never felt the touch of a woman drive me crazy i swear it's the whole reason ive never been able to pay attention in math/science courses. anyways hope u enjoy!! (btw requests r open guys keep sending stuff i need the inspiration)
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Peter had been trying desperately to stay focused on tutoring, but every second that passed made it harder. Each time you leaned over the table to look at his notes, your perfume wrapped around him, making him dizzy. His gaze flickered down to the dip of your shirt without thinking, lingering at the curve of your chest before he forced himself to snap his eyes back to the paper. But the soft glow of the desk lamp seemed to conspire against him, highlighting your skin in a way that made every detail stand out.
He cleared his throat for what felt like the tenth time, a flush creeping up from his neck to the tips of his ears. You pretended not to notice, but each nervous shift of his chair, each pause when you moved, told you that you had his full, undivided attention-and not on the calculus problems in front of him.
Peter's voice faltered as he tried to explain a formula, his fingers tapping erratically against the book's edge. "So if we take... um... this equation and..." He trailed off when you reached across him to grab a pen, your arm brushing against his in a way that sent a visible shiver down his spine.
You pulled back and raised an eyebrow.
"Pete? You okay? You seem... distracted," you said, feigning innocence as your fingers traced the rim of your water bottle. The way his eyes flickered down to the movement made your smile widen.
"Y-yeah, I'm fine!" he said, the pitch of his voice betraying him. He pushed up his glasses, trying to look anywhere but at you, but the heat in the room was palpable, and the tension strung tight between you two.
You leaned forward, closer than before, letting your hair fall in a way that brushed his arm. "Are you sure? You seem nervous," you teased, drawing out the words just enough to make his eyes dart up to yours, wide and startled. The flush on his cheeks deepened, and his fingers curled into a fist on his thigh.
"I'm... I'm not," he mumbled, eyes flicking away, but his body betrayed him. He shifted uncomfortably, and you didn't miss the way his breath quickened when you subtly ran your foot up his leg beneath the table.
"Hmm," you hummed, biting your lip as if in thought. Your gaze dropped, just for a moment, to where the fabric of his jeans was noticeably tighter. You hid a grin, leaning back in your chair as if you hadn't just clocked the way his jaw clenched. "You should keep explaining, Peter. I'm really trying to follow."
He swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing, and nodded hastily. "R-right. So, the derivative here..." His voice shook, and you reached across, placing your hand over his to stop the tapping. The contact made him jump, eyes going wide like a deer caught in headlights. You tilted your head, fingers sliding up his wrist just a little as if absently.
"You're shaking," you whispered, watching the way his eyes fluttered closed for a second. The tension was unbearable now, and you could feel his pulse hammering beneath your touch. Peter opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out, only a shallow breath as you leaned in even closer, your chest pressing lightly against his arm.
Finally, the anticipation was too much for either of you. Without warning, you stood up, only to swing a leg over his lap and settle down, facing him. His gasp was immediate, eyes flying open as he looked at you, bewildered and overwhelmed.
"W-what are you...?" he whispered, but his hands hovered at your waist, unsure whether he should touch or stay still.
"Keep talking," you ordered softly, brushing your lips against the shell of his ear. You felt the tremble that ran through him, the way he squirmed beneath you, already hard and aching.
"I... uh... I c-can't," he stuttered, eyes squeezed shut as your hips rolled against him, sending a jolt through his body. The way his chest rose and fell, the hitch in his breath, and the small whimper he tried to suppress were everything you needed to hear.
"Try," you teased, nails tracing down the front of his shirt.
Peter's breathing came in ragged gasps as he tried to pull himself together. His fingers twitched at your waist, aching to hold on but hesitating as if he couldn't quite believe this was real. The way you were looking at him, so close, so purposeful-it was a lot for his overworked mind to handle. You watched him struggle, enjoying the flush that travelled from his cheeks to the hollow of his throat.
"Come on, Peter," you murmured, your voice dropping to a low purr. "You were doing so well before. What's next in the problem set?" Your tone was playful, but there was a challenge in it that made his pupils dilate.
"I-I..." He started, but a soft moan slipped out as you shifted your hips again, pressing down just enough to make him choke on his breath. His eyes opened, wide and pleading, and for a moment, he looked like he was ready to say something coherent. But you leaned forward, brushing your lips against his jaw, and whatever resolve he'd gathered shattered instantly.
"If you stop talking, I stop moving," you reminded him, running your fingers up his chest until you felt the rapid thudding of his heart beneath your palm.
He bit down on his lip, trying desperately to remember where his train of thought had been before your touch turned him into a trembling mess.
"T-the derivative. We need to... evaluate.." His words broke off into a whine when you pressed down again, rolling your hips slowly against him, making sure to drag out every second of friction.
"Good boy," you praised, and his reaction was immediate-his eyes fluttered closed, mouth falling open as a shudder wracked his frame. He had never felt anything like this before, every nerve in his body alight with a mixture of desire and helplessness. Your fingers threaded through his hair, tugging just enough to make him gasp.
"I don't think you're focusing, though," you said, almost mockingly.
"I-I'm trying," he whimpered, eyes glassy as he tried to meet yours. The way he looked up at you, so wrecked and needy, made your stomach tighten with satisfaction.
"Try harder," you said, slowing your movements to an agonizing halt. He bucked his hips involuntarily, a high-pitched sound escaping him as he chased the friction you'd just taken away.
"Please," he begged, and the word came out so raw and broken that it sent a thrill down your spine. You couldn't help but grin as you took in the way his chest rose and fell, how his fingers had finally dug into your waist, desperate to keep you there.
"Oh, now you're begging?" you teased, leaning down so that your lips were almost brushing his. His eyes stayed locked on yours, wide and glassy with need.
"I-I'll do anything," he confessed, voice cracking. "Just... please, don't stop."
The sight of him beneath you–cheeks flushed, glasses slightly askew, and eyes filled with desperate submission— was more than enough to spur you on.You leaned back, shifting your hips in a way that made him moan so loudly that his own hand flew up to cover his mouth in shock.
"Don't hold back now, Peter," you whispered, moving with more intent as his body tensed beneath you. You could feel how close he was, the way his muscles tightened and his breath turned erratic. The anticipation built until finally, the last remnants of his control slipped, and with a shuddering gasp, he fell apart under you, eyes wide as he reached his peak.
You watched the realization dawn in his expression, a mix of awe and disbelief as he came down from the high, breaths coming in short, ragged bursts.
His gaze met yours, still hazy and dazed, before you tilted his chin up and whispered against his lips, "Tutor me again tomorrow? "
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enbysiriusblack · 1 day ago
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rereading snape's worst memory:
severus is writing A LOT more than the other students around him, so like. he probably does try super hard in all his exams, but defence is clearly one of his favourites i think from this. like he's writing super small and still filling out a lot of the parchment, so he's got a lot to say about the subject, plus he's writing like really fast without stopping
if james is only a short distance away from severus and sirius is in the same row as james, does this mean exam tables aren't set up in alphabetical order? people just sit where they want or something? weird
james' hair is described as messy like 5 times by harry. i don't think we focus on that enough.
girl, pay attention to your exam. we get he's hot, but damn
remus, you're good at dada, stop worrying sm about it. u got this mate
peter having exam anxiety is soooo canon i swear. also i'm giggling at him trying to cheat
doodler!james >>>> also harry not clocking his own mum's initals is kinda sad
ooh guys, should i make stebbins (he's a guy who doesn't put down his quill and continues writing after the exam finishes so flitwick calls him out) florence's boyfriend?? should i actually give 'boyfriend' a name???
honestly, other than the weird seating plan, this is so accurate to gsce exams. like turning around just to do a face or hand gesture to your friend a few seats away when the teacher's not looking? someone always writing after they tell you to stop? laughing at the teacher? waiting for your friends to discuss the paper straight away? its so real
these guys are incapable of being serious. they are all so fucking sarcastic. i love it.
why's severus still enthralled in his exam for???? it's over mate, go fucking relax
unrequited prongstail is real (also james' nicking a snitch?? he's such a weirdo)
severus!! harry literally was describing you as super pale and like you never go in the sunlight.. and then you go and sit in the shade?? it's early summer in scotland, it's not gonna be that fucking hot.
poly marauders are canon? (they were just described as being a foursome)
handsome just keeps getting added to any description of sirius. might start doing this in my fics /j
this is making me realise how canonly accurate the personalities of the marauders are in my fic (i'm only cryptic and machiavellian), and i love that for me
yeah unrequited prongstail is def canon omfg.
"sirius was the only person for whom james would stop showing off". james doesn't need to show off for sirius, because he knows sirius will always be there for him and give him attention anyway aww
remus and james both trying to think up solutions as soon as sirius says he's bored?? i'm giggling.
peter must have been sooo dissapointed that sirius and james stopped hexing people as often... his fav entertainment. gone.
okay i swear i've read this like loads of times before but i never actually realised sirius 'barking with laughter' was how he canonly laughs, i always just write that to be funny, i didn't know it was canon
james constantly looking over at the girls by the lake. like mate, she didn't notice or care about you throwing a snitch in the air but i don't think bullying her friend is any better. like yeah it gets her attention but is that really the kind of attention you want?? oh, you'll take any attention you can get from her? okay, right, fine
peter edging... IM SORRY
"i was watching him" OKAY,, snirius enjoyers are eating today
*smugly grinning* i KNEW james' hair fidgeting thing was an anxious/nervous habit I TOLD YOU ALL
lily's hair is dark red!!! just in case anyone forgot!!
i love remus. disagree with your friend's actions? don't worry! u can always just pretend you're so enthralled in your book you don't even notice what they're doing! just look the other way and you're totally absolving yourself and your friends from any guilt!
i feel like james asked lily out only once before this. like in fourth year of maybe just a couple months before this, and like in a proper fairly private, giving her flowers, asking timidly (well as timid as he can be), and she responded in a fairly similar way to here. so james asking here, is like trying to resolve his own feelings of embarassment about the rejection ig?
lily smiling!!!! oh she's such a cunt i love her (ofc james and sirius are bigger cunts ofc!!!) like girl that's your damn friend getting 'pantsed'. although ig like. it was kinda a norm thing to like do it TO your own friends soo hmm. (btw i put 'pantsed' in brackets since it's not pantsing, like. the point is that severus isn't wearing pants, he's wearing robes. it's robesing...)
sirius and james are too wuss to duel lily <333 cause she'd thrash them <333 (they totally duelled her before and got their arses kicked)
oh severus... u suck so bad... just cause she found you getting robesed funny doesn't mean u should go call her slurs wtf man
go off lily okayyy. her insults/jokes hit harder than all of sirius' ngl (ily sirius you're still funny and got good insults i swear!!)
okay personally lily, i don't think someone who shows off and hexes people who annoy him (which is. maybe just in my opinion) majoritively people who are bigoted/do dark magic, and then someone who calls their supposed best friend a slur in front of like half their peers are as bad as each other...
^also james!! omg mate she noticed you showing off with your snitch and messing your hair up!!! (also furthering my proof that he does it as a nervous act cause he's all nervous around her so does it more often and she just thinks he's showing off)
sirius, now is not the time for your brutal honestly. like that's so real of you and i suffer from the same infliction but still..
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hikarry · 2 days ago
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(ADHD fueled post ahead. Progress at your own caution)
I don't talk about it much here, but one of my favorite franchises is Sherlock Holmes
The books, the movies, the bbc series, the audio books, the animes, you name it
I eat it all up like a very starved dog
And, yes. Sherlock and Watson? A classic. Gorgeous, really
While the BBC series was airing, a lot of people used to ship Sherlock and Moriarty, but I never really saw it
Until
I found one of the animes that would quickly become one of my favourites: Moriarty, The Patriot
Don't know it? Watch it. Trust uncle Spencer. It's gonna knock your socks off
For real, just look at the trailer. Also, the soundtrack in this anime? Absolutely delicious. The intro of both seasons are still my favorite anime intros of all time - as in, both of them still rank somewhere in my spotify wrapped every year after 4 years. If you are a soundtrack nerd like yours truly, this anime is a fucking masterpiece
youtube
Anyway, that's season 1 trailer. The anime isn't Sherlock-focused, clearly. So much so, if I'm not mistaken, Moriarty and Sherlock only interact in season 2. And, that season also brings the best character of the whole show: My gorgeous perfect unapologetic genderfluid Irene Adler aka James Bond. Right, yeah. Jack the Ripper is also there but, are you going to pay any mind to some serial killer when you got a gorgeous beauty like Irene/James in your visage? Absolutely not
Here, look at the trailer. Look at how fucking horny they made Sherlock. It's gorgeous. The guy is so turned on by Moriarty's brain that it should be illegal. They flirt by playing smart mind games with each other and comitting crimes so the other can solve them? Please
youtube
Quick side note: The "Catch me if you can, Mr. Holmes." line drove not only Sherlock absolutely insane, but the whole fandom back then and, honestly, can you blame us?
With that said, Sherlock and Moriarty? Yes
And, of course, all this talk of Sherlock just to end up on Good Omens again
I've got my little list of AUs I want to write, yes? One of them is Sherlock based, with Crowley as Sherlock and Aziraphale as Watson but...
Am I going to, technically, add a second Sherlock AU to my list just so I can explore how the dynamic between a Crowley Moriarty and a Aziraphale Holmes would work? ...Oh yeah, absolutely. I can smell the enemies to lovers from here
Picture this
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That, but make it hatred and madness turned into flirty mind games and lust
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goatcheesecak3 · 3 days ago
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I hate you too Pt.3
Adam Faulkner-Stanheight x reader
Warnings: alcohol, brief mentions of nsfw
Fic type: angst, fluff
Summary: both trying to wrap your heads around the situation, you and Adam each reach out to your friends.
A/n: hello!! Probably the last part to this short series, I've had fun writing it though! Maybe I'll try a Lawrence fic next??? Who knows. Anyways, enjoy! :^)
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Your heart sank. What the hell kind of sick game was Adam playing with you? Hooking up was one thing, but you'd both poured your hearts out to eachother, you though you had a real connection. You wiped tears from your eyes and gritted your teeth in anger. You needed a friend, a distraction. You called Mark.
"H- hey Mark" you spoke into the phone, sniffling a little and hoping it didn't sound like you'd been crying.
"What's up, y/n?" His voice sounded cheery.
"Look, I don't wanna put you on the spot or anything, man, but I uh... I'm having kinda a bad day, I was wondering if I could come over?"
"Hey, you know you're welcome anytime. Scott's coming over later to watch this lame slasher movie I picked up, it's gonna be a hoot. You should join us!"
His kindness was so jarring I'm contrast to the cold, unfeeling text you'd just recieved from Adam. It almost made you tear up again, but you held it together long enough to set a time, before hanging the phone up.
You made yourself a rather exquisite breakfast consisting of a cigarette, a beer, and several more cigarettes. Following this, you drifted in and out of sleep on the couch while watching episodes of beavis and butthead, and trying your hardest not to think about Adam.
When 6pm rolled around, you finally got yourself dressed and headed out to Mark's apartment.
...
After sending you that awful text, Adam had fallen asleep for a few hours. When he awoke, it was the evening. Despite a full day's rest, he didn't feel any better, in fact, he felt much worse. He knew he'd fucked up, he'd let himself step too far and now he was pretty sure your entire friendship was out the window, let alone any chance at a relationship. He knew deep down this was for the best, or at least he thought so? His head was swimming and he really couldn't make much sense of the whole situation. He had to bite the bullet, and call in for reinforcements in the form of his friend Scott. Adam knew full well that revealing the events that had transpired to Scott would come with a barrage of jokes and teasing, but at the end of it all, Scott was his friend and he'd help him make sense of it all.
...
"Yeah, I can meet you bro. I'm going to Mark's to watch this lame movie, I'll come pick you up and we can talk on the way. We're long overdue for a guy's night"
"Thanks, Man. Yeah, a guy's night sounds good"
Adam was beyond relieved that it would just be the three of them, he couldn't bear to face you right now.
At half six, Scott's beat up old Ford pulled up outside Adam's building, to find him already waiting on the curb, a cigarette hanging from his lips.
"You got one of them for me?" Scott grinned as Adam climbed in.
"Always" Adam obliged, handing Scott a cigarette.
"So," Scott pulled off with a screech, "What did you wanna talk about?"
"It's about y/n"
"What, you hittin that or something?" Scott teased.
Adam's unexpected silence answered that question, as he shifted awkwardly in his seat.
"No. Way. No fuckin WAY dude. Mark totally owes me 50 bucks" Scott gave Adam an affectionate punch in the arm, briefly averting his gaze from the road to see what he expected to be a smug grin plastered across Adam's face. Instead, however, Adam's face told a story of guilt and confliction.
"What? You didn't her pregnant did you?" He sounded genuinely concerned.
"Nah man, nothing like that. It's just... ugh, I don't know, I think I like her? But like, I'd just break her heart if I went there" Adam stared straight ahead as he spoke.
"You don't know that, man just tell her how you feel. At the very least you'll get to see her naked a couple more times before you completely fuck it up." It seemed that Scott possessed the incredible ability to never take anything seriously.
"Yeah... I don't think i can do that. Like, I think I've pretty much nailed that coffin shut"
"Well you certainly nailed something," Scott held out his fist to Adam and grinned to himself.
"Dude, I'm serious"
"So am I! Dude, emotional bullshit aside, y/n's a fuckin smokeshow, and I'm proud of my boy for his achievements"
Adam bit the insides of his cheeks, but couldn't help the smile from creeping across his face. He knew the whole macho bullshit thing was gross and childish, but admittedly, he was kinda proud of himself for sleeping with you. He bumped Scott's fist.
"There he is" Scott chuckled, "so, now that we've got all this acting like a pussy out the way, you're gonna pick up your phone, call y/n and tell her 'I'll be at your place later with condoms and viagra, chug a couple energy drinks 'cause we're gonna go all night'" he joked.
"You know, I think that approach might be a little full on" Adam laughed. "But you're right, I gotta stop being a little bitch about this and tell her how I feel"
"Awesome. Me and Mark can help you plan how you're gonna do it tonight, but you owe us another guy's night if we do"
"How come?"
"Because you're totally acting like a chick"
"Shut up, man. You're an asshole, you know that?"
...
You'd been at Mark's apartment for a little while already, drinking beer and waiting for Scott to arrive.
"Does he know I'm gonna be here?" You asked casually
"You know, totally slipped my mind to tell him. Hell be here any minute, so I guess he'll find out when he arrives" Mark smiled.
As if to punctuate that sentence, the unmistakable sound of Scott's loud footsteps approached the apartment door, followed by a hefty knock.
Mark opened the door, to see both Scott and Adam waiting.
"Oh hey! Guess the whole gang's here" Mark smiled.
The two men entered the apartment, Adam's expression slowly turning to one of dread when he saw you sat on the couch.
"What the hell is he doing here?!"
"What the hell is she doing here?!" The pair of you exclaimed at the same time.
"Oh come on, not this again. Guys, just sit down, relax, have a few beers. I'm too tired to watch you two fight all night" Mark rolled his eyes.
"Won't be necessary" you said coldly, rising to your feet and attempting to barge your way past the men and out of the apartment.
"Ohhhh I don't think so, little lady" Scott scoffed, blocking your exit.
"Scott, I'm warning you, you know I could kick your ass" you bit.
"Be that as it may, you and Adam got a lot to talk about. Now Mark and I are gonna leave for a while, give you two some privacy, and you're gonna solve this" Scott said. Seeing Scott be the voice of reason was like seeing a unicorn, you couldn't believe your eyes.
"Why should I leave? This is my apartment?" Mark argued as Scott ushered him out
"Because you're gonna head down to the ATM and withdraw that 50 bucks you owe me"
"What?" The realisation set in and he turned to face you and Adam, "you two? No WAY!"
"Have funnnnn" Scott mocked in a sing-song voice as he guided a gobsmacked Mark out of the apartment, closing the door behind them on their way out.
The apartment was silent now, you and Adam both stood, stunned, staring blankly at eachother. You would have kept this stand off going on forever, if you weren't so drained. You threw yourself down onto the couch and sighed exasperatedly.
"This is so fucking humiliating" you muttered under your breath.
Adam sat beside you. You held your head in your hands, eyes glued to the floor, but you could feel Adam's gaze burning into you.
"Y/n, I-"
"No, it's fine, like I get it. Last night was a mistake, it didn't mean anything. You don't have to tell me again." You snapped, not wanting to relive the heartbreak.
Adam exhaled
"I didn't mean that" he said quietly, his voice sounding shameful.
Suddenly, something inside you snapped. You were furious, he'd completely devasted you, and now he'd changed his mind?
"Then what the fuck do you mean?!" You blurted angrily, "you hate me one minute, you like me the next. What the actual fuck is your problem, Adam? What is it you want? Because in case you hadn't realised, you've given me some pretty mixed signals in the last 24 hours!"
"I want you!" He yelled "I mean.. I want to be able to want you" his voice was soft, gentle even.
Yours was not.
"Oh my fucking GOD. Do you only talk in riddles or something? What next, do I need to solve a fucking treasure hunt to find your missing brain?!"
"Y/n, no, please just listen.. okay? I just- man I thought I'd have time to plan this" he exclaimed to himself, throwing his arms up in the air.
"Look, if I don't get a straight answer in the next five minutes I'm walking out that door" you said, calmer now.
"Okay.. okay.." Adam breathed slowly, he seemed to be trying to find the words.
"Look," he began, "I'm in the weirdest place emotionally right now, I've always struggled with being vulnerable, but I mean, I'm so much worse these days. Ever since... well, you know..." he bit the inside of his lip and looked ahead, his eyes filled with sadness.
"I'm still trying to get myself back, and I don't know if the part of me that can let people in is ready.
If I let you in right now, I'm scared that I'll only hurt you further down the line, and I could never ask you to just wait around for me to get better."
He stared at the floor and sighed, feeling quite sorry for himself.
You considered what he had said for a moment, before finally speaking, much gentler this time.
"So get better now"
"What? Y/n, it's mot that simple"
"Yes, Adam, it is that simple" you said, your tone kind, but firm. "You say you're trying to get better at letting people in, and in the last 24 hours you've been more emotionally honest with your arch nemesis than you would ever imagine. Sure, it doesn't exactly scream stability, but that's part of the process. You're making progress" you took Adam's hand and brushed your thumb across his skin reassuringly.
"It's not gonna be easy, but if you don't take this chance and let me in then you're not moving forward".
Adam let out a half hearted chuckle, and wiped a few tears he hoped you hadn't seen from his eyes.
"I hate the fact that you're always right"
"Get used to it" you smiled warmly, giving him a playful nudge.
"Okay... so in the spirit of moving forward" he gulped, "would you uhh... be free for date sometime?"
He smiled sheepishly, nervously fidgeting with the sleeve of his jacket. You noticed that his eyes seemed to look extra sparkly, as if there was hope and excitement in them for the first time in a while.
"I'm free right now" you giggled, placing your hand on Adam's cheek and leaning in to kiss him.
Adam's hands held onto your waist as he leaned into the kiss, gradually pushing you back onto the sofa. He kissed you deeper now, more hungrily, his fingertips were just brimming the hem of your shirt, when...
"Aaaand the two of you can go continue that "date" literally anywhere but my sofa" Mark exclaimed, bursting into the apartment, Scott following giggling like a schoolboy.
"Were you assholes listening through the door?!" You squealed, jumping up and adjusting your shirt.
"Hey, I didn't wanna, but Mark needed proof that he lost the bet!" Scott laughed, barely able to contain himself.
"Dude! Come on, that was priv- wait.. what bet?" You asked, more curious than annoyed by this point.
"I bet Mark that you and Adam secretly liked eachother, and now I'm 50 bucks richer" Scott said proudly.
"Never would've imagined you guys together" Mark admitted, "but you know what, I like this little dynamic. It's sweet, or at least it is when you're not tryna bang on my couch" he teased.
"Sorry about that, man" Adam chuckled, his cheeks reddening.
"Now, come on you crazy kids," Scott said, in a slightly patronising, but good natured tone, "get your asses down to some restaurant or something where you can sit and make googly eyes at eachother before me and Mark throw up"
...
You and Adam walked down the street after leaving Mark's apartment. Your hands brushed against eachother, and without words they were interlinked. Just to think, a couple days ago you would have thrown up at the thought of holding Adam's hand, but now it was all you wanted to do.
"So... a restaurant, huh?" Adam said, swinging your arms slightly.
"Hm" you tilted your head, "orrrrr... we could head back to mine, crack open a bottle of wine on the balcony... maybe fool around a little?" You looked at Adam with a cheeky grin.
"God, you just get me" Adam laughed, placing his free hand on your waist and planting a soft kiss onto your lips.
And it was indeed, a perfect date.
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lefaystrent · 18 hours ago
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One random day, Patton declares he is going on vacation. He will be leaving the mindscape for awhile, and it's up to the rest of the gang to hold down the fort while he's gone.
"You're Thomas's sense of Morality; you can't just go on vacation," Logan points out.
Patton's grin goes a little too wide, his eyes a little too intense. "Watch me."
Remus bobs his head up and down to check him out. "Since when do you do the ominous thing? I thought that was my thing. Are we playing around with each other's thingies?"
"No–thing wrong with switching things up now and then," Patton says cheerfully.
Virgil squints. "Are you Deceit in disguise?"
"I am sitting right next to you, Virgil," Janus points out. "Also, I wouldn't be caught dead in a floral print."
"Are you going to Hawaii? Without me?!" Roman demands, eyeing Patton's– well, Hawaiian shirt he's donned on rather than his usual polo.
"Now, now Roman, this is nothing personal kiddo. I'm just taking some much needed me-time. So I'll need to take this journey alone."
"Oh thank God," Janus mutters while Logan blinks rapidly, flabbergasted. Logan spits out, "We are all personified pieces of one man's personality. By the nature of our existence, you can't be alone."
"That's quitter talk," Remus butts in. He literally turns and shows them his butt for some reason, though thankfully with pants still on. "Want me to yeet you out the door, Daddy-o? See how far you can go? Or maybe load you into a ballista and send you hurtling to a beautiful bludgeoning death?"
"No thanks, bud," Patton says far too good-naturedly. "Our dear lord in Heaven gave me two perfectly good legs to walk with. I think I'll be fine."
"You're serious? Just– what, gonna walk out the door?" Virgil questions sharply. Skeptical he may be, he seems somewhat interested in seeing how far Patton will take this bit.
"Absolutely! There's a whole big wide world out there! So much to do! So much to see!"
"So what's wrong with taking the back steets," both Remus and Roman sing at the same time.
"You guys will be fine for a while without me. But just in case you miss me, I have provided each of you with your very own Patton Pal."
They each look down into their hands where a small, stuffed version of Patton materializes. It has stitched in glasses, a removable Cardigan, and its mouth is in the shape of a heart.
"What," they all respond collectively.
"If you feel lonely or need a hug, you just give your Patton Pal there a good ole squeeze! That should tide you over until I get back. Anyways, I'm gonna skeddadle now. Bye! Love you!"
And Patton walks out the front door.
Dad has left the building.
Roman ponders with pursed lips, "Sooo, did we just get abandoned?"
"Nah, I'm sure he's just gone out to pick up some milk."
"Thank you, Remus."
Virgil rises up from the couch and strides over to the door in a huff. "Alright Pat, you can come out now."
The door swings open. A brick wall is revealed where there once was not one.
"Uhhh, guys?" Virgil asks the group, stepping back. Unconsciously, he grips his Patton Pal a little tighter.
"What in the Chris Angel Mindfreak?" Remus questions and taps at the brick. His nail makes a scraping sound along the mortar. Curious, he examines his finger and licks it.
"Did he trap us in the Mindscape?" Roman asks, squeezing in between his brother to test the solidity of the wall. It is indeed a wall.
"Is this his villain origin story?"
Janus rolls his eyes at the twins. "Patton's just serious for a change, that's all. He doesn't want to be followed, and obviously he must be out hanging with Thomas. Really now, have some sense."
"You do know who you're talking to, right?" Virgil asks him waving at the twins, to which Janus gives a saucy, "Touche."
Logan sighs and begins ascending the stairs.
"What, you're just gonna leave too?" Virgil calls after him.
"I have work to do, as I'm sure the rest of you do. Patton will return once he tires of this stunt."
Logan is gone and now it's just the four of them.
"Someone's salty about being abandoned," Roman comments too loudly.
"FALSEHOOD!"
"Alllll byyyyy myseeeelffff," Remus sings off-key.
Virgil debates whether to follow Logan up or try a window next. He stares down into the beady, button eyes of his Patton Pal doll.
"Need a hug?" Janus asks him teasingly, watching him.
Virgil scoffs and shoves the plush into his hoodie pocket. It's bulky, but it fits.
Will it stay there?
Will Patton ever return?
Will the sides use this time to overcome their differences and bond as a true family?
Find out next time on "Episodes From The Mindscape"!
The screen flicks off.
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madrone33 · 1 hour ago
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Ok so. I have no excuse for taking so long. But! The good news is I FINALLY hunkered down and finished the Odyssey in one night :D
It was long! And fun! It was much more political scheming than I thought it'd be lol
Anyway here's some highlights and musings from my midnight readings, much longer than my others 'cause it's like 12 books at once:
The Phaeacians after reaching Ithaca and neatly dropping both a sleeping Odysseus and his vast loot on the sand: peace out, bro.
Aww man why'd you have to do the Phaeacians like that, Poseidon?
Odysseus, hearing that he's FINALLY made it home, tears in his eyes: proceeds to elaborately lie.
Odysseus: has trust issues from trauma.
Athena: awww, see this is why I like you!
Odysseus, hearing his son is in Sparta: you let my son sail? over the sea that took 10 years of my life??
Odysseus, professional liar, hearing that people lied to his wife about him: liars? I HATE liars >:( I would never lie.
Also Odysseus: lies about his life story again, multiple times.
LMAO Athena tells Telemachus he's gotta go, and he immediately kicks Pisistratus in the ribs to wake him up XD
Telemachus: hey so can I maybe not say hi to your dad again? He's like those old grandparents who never let you go without telling a thousand stories.
Pisistratus, after thinking for one second: I gotchu homie.
Odysseus might be projecting juuust a little when Eumaeus greets Telemachus
Athena makes Odysseus taller, again XD
FATHER AND SON REUNION!!
Tele: uh dad? Surely you're not suggesting we fight 108 men on our own?? Please tell me we have backup.
Ody: how's Athena and Zeus sound as backup?
Tele: ... yeah ok fine.
No!! Argos :(
Lol. Odysseus and Athena both: test the suitors to find the innocent from guilty! (Inwardly: yeah they're all gonna die)
Telemachus when Eumaeus insults Antinous to defend Ody: whoa whoa. No need to speak to Antinous like that, my friend... Allow me >:D
Antinous: throws a stool at Odysseus.
Odysseus, Telemachus, and Penelope: so you have chosen death
Lol the sneeze :D
Ah yes, Homer can't help but mention Odysseus' fine thighs XD
Odysseus, deeply torn between flat out killing this guy with one blow or just "lightly jabbing" him uncontiously. Decisions, decisions...
Odysseus @ Amphinomus: hey. You seem nice. Don't come to school tomorrow
Athena just loves making her mortals taller and more beautiful, huh XD
Penelope after Athena made her take a nap: ah, what a gentle sleep. If only Artemis would kill me :D
Penelope, Telemachus, and basically all of the palace staff at any and all opportunities: mayhaps? death? to all the suitors? 👀
Awww, Odysseus told her to watch over his parents, and that she should re-marry if he wasn't back before Telemachus became an adult 🥺
Penelope, swindling the suitors out of their money: shame on you, for not lavishing me with gifts to seduce me!
Odysseus: hell yes that's my wife <3
A second stool has been thrown. This one was dodged. RIP the wine-steward
Odysseus really can't help showering Penelope with compliments, comparing her to the gods, and a king
Poor Penelope :( Let her not-make her shroud in peace
Wine dark sea mention :D
Odysseus, once again lying about his life story, this time to his WIFE. Smh
Penelope calling the city of Troy "Destroy" with such spite is amazing.
Penelope and Euryclea: stranger, you remind me so much of Odysseus. You're just... really alike for some reason.
Odysseus: haha yeah weird coincidence, right?
Autolycus: ah yes, I shall name my grandson "he who causes pain" ✨
Penelope @ the man that is totally not Odysseus: hey, unrelated to anything at all, I had a dream where my husband returned and killed all my suitors. How WEIRD, right? If ONLY it would come true!
"Nobody but your cunning pulled you through the monster's cave you thought would be your death." Nobody. Ha!
"deep in his heart it seemed she stood beside him, knew him, now, at last..." 🥺💙
Now an oxhoof has been thrown at him?? Athena, why
Wow, Telemachus is almost as good a liar as his dad!
Ooh Telemachus almost strung it!!
Odysseus has the bow. Ayyyy you're all fucked now >:D
LMAO did Athena just fly up into the rafters while still looking like Mentor? XD
Odysseus: I'm cleaning house
He's playing a wedding song! As Odysseus and Penelope reunite!! <3
Athena made him taller again XD
Strange woman! Strange man! 🥰
Odysseus: exCUSE ME? You moved our BED? How did you move our bed?? It's a TREE for gods sake! I carved it with my own two hands! What did you DO to our BED-
ATHENA! HOLDS BACK THE LITERAL DAWN!! She's their #1 shipper fr <3
Brief interlude in the Underworld: Achilles' and Patroclus' bones are in the same urn... and they were urn-mates
Amphimedon: and that's how Odysseus killed me-
Agamemnon: Ah classic Odysseus. And what a great wife he has! So loyal. Unlike MY WIFE-
Odysseus, torn between revealing himself and happily reuniting with his aged father, or testing whether he recognises him: time to lie about my life story again!
Not every one of Odysseus' family at some point wondering if he was just a dream 🥺😭
His fake name is "Man of Strife" this time. I see you, Odysseus...
Odysseus for the first time drops the act in favour of comforting a crying family member. Character development /j
There Athena goes again, this time making Laertes taller XD
Lol, Athena stepping in (STILL looking like Mentor XD) to force a peace. Didn't realise it ended on this note, but cool
I finally started reading the Odyssey!!
Got up to book 5. And I mean, I've seen the jokes, but I never realised just how many times it says some variation of "rosy fingered dawn." 😂
Also, Athena pretending to be a mortal and then leaving by just- becoming a bird and flying away will never not be funny.
Looking forward to finally getting to Odysseus' part :D
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jetskisonyourmoat · 1 year ago
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My obsession with early interviews continues
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Bonus clip of Alex getting incredibly distracted and forgetting he’s in an interview.
Part 1 and Part 2
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edwinisms · 4 months ago
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I know how it sounds at first, but I really gotta feel bad for the boys that sacrificed edwin; I mean even the term “sacrificed edwin” paints them in a more sinister light than they really deserve– considering that wasn’t really, actually their intention.
they were bullies, they were homophobic (and/or were self loathing gay boys themselves taking it out on edwin, or were equally likely peer pressured into acting a certain way), they planned something stupid and mean to do to an innocent, anxious boy with the goal of scaring the shit out of him, all because he was effeminate and an easy target. but they didn’t know or expect any of the ritual stuff to be real. they were all laughing and joking during the ritual because it was just that to them– a joke. a cruel joke, but a joke.
teenagers can be mean and stupid and they usually regret it as adults and grow out of it / grow from it. they were stifled the chance to grow out of it, at least while alive. none of those boys deserved to be instakilled and sent to hell; they’re really not that much less deserving than edwin himself. they were all just kids, after all.
#random thought but. yeah……#I mean think about if crystal happened to be killed somehow pre-demonic intervention#she would’ve been deemed deserving of hell by the standards we’ve seen. no doubt about it. if the dragon guys were pulled to hell then yeah.#she would be as well. simply put- she was a bully#she was also a teenager. not a fully developed person. a very damaged and neglected teenager at that#it’s kinda like the criminal justice system right. it’s like. hey you really think sending them to be tormented is the most humane and#efficient way to heal these kids of what makes them act out and allow them to grow and improve?#Crystal’s such a good case to look at because she’s. well. to compare to The Good Place which you can probably already tell I’ve watched 800#times and adore with all my heart. she’s kinda the michael of the group#no one knows it at first but she’s actually kind of a terror to people most of the time. but she’s put in a situation where she#suddenly has a support system- people who care about her and want the best for her- she’s given a purpose and realizes how much better it is#to use her powers to help rather than hurt (well. sometimes helping can involve hurting but you get it)#and by the time she’s regained her memories and has a place in the agency it’s much easier to reflect on her life and be like huh!#this system kinda fucking sucks!#not that edwin wasn’t an example unto himself but he was a ‘clerical error’ not a ‘rightfully’ condemned person#with his situation someone could argue that the problem isn’t with the system being wack as a whole- it should just be maintained better so#these ‘errors’ don’t happen and all the good kids go to their afterlives and the Bad Evil Kids go to hell.#yes yes I know they’re not in hell forever (hopefully) but uhh Simon was still there for over a century and for fucking What?#gay self-loathing and catholic guilt? his intentions were clearly not Truly Evil and more than anything he seems to have been punished using#how much he hated himself for being gay and how guilty he felt for it all. like shit aren’t those feelings enough of a punishment? if he had#lived through that ritual and edwin hadn’t– do you think he would’ve been Okay? I think it would’ve crushed him. chronically#man. anyway#this was an especially long ramble huh#rambling#edwin#edwin payne#dead boy detectives
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etherealhoneypie · 4 months ago
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hey so any of my friends in the uk or canada or australia or really anywhere that isn’t the us wanna adopt me? i have a lot of thrifted furniture and a big record collection i can bring 🥰
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subsequentibis · 4 months ago
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oh i wanted longlegs to be so much weirder than it was. it needed like three more script revisions and some deeper interrogation of the genre it sprang from, and someone to gently take the sound designer's hand on the volume dial and turn it down juuuuust a bit. i need the actual movie to be what scares me, not someone dropping a hammer on the piano to tell me i ought to be scared.
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nejackdaw · 3 months ago
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Thinking about Celann and his ever present grief at the life he could have had, he and his wife and (he always hoped) their daughter. A life where he was a father--he'd hardly ever wanted anything more than that. So full of love he was ready to burst and needed somewhere to put it, wanted a life with his favorite girls.
Thinking about how the ever present desire haunts him no matter how deep he buried it. It keeps coming back, relentlessly, this anguish that he threw it all away. He could have had exactly what he wanted and he was stupid enough to abandon it all, and for what? Because he was upset? But then he always remembers how hollow he felt after the incident, like if you rapped him with a knuckle you'd hear he was just a shell. He forgives himself, then, remembers how wrong everything felt, and he thinks about all the time he spent desperately trying to make everything feel right again.
Remembers when he realized he was the problem, what needed to be fixed. Removed.
He abandoned the life he had and every dream he'd ever held close because he wasn't him anymore. Celann would never have killed anyone, would never have done... that. He was some other Celann, different, trying to make himself fit in the life of a man that no longer existed. And so he left.
And he has no right to ache so badly at the thought of what he gave up, no right to ache at the loss of a family (of two families, but he starts thinking that and breaks every time, so he's gotten good at simply skipping over the thought) when he was a killer--an adept one, a practiced one--that could mangle and maul and kill and do it again and again. What right does he have to still want that happy little dream?
But the dream is a ghost and it haunts him, is there every time he's out on a supply run and sees kids playing around the marketplace, sees women cradling infants and fathers carrying sons on their shoulders. (He reminds himself of the blood on his hands, is scared he might stain them with it if he reaches out to touch them.) It's there when he has a bag and his axe hanging from his hips and finds a girl crying for her mother, lost and separated, jostled by the crowd.
It's there as he calms her, kneeling on wet and gritty stone, hovering between her and the flow of the crowd so they give her space. He lifts her and holds her against his side with one arm and something in him weeps, feels something soft in him as her tiny weight settles and she starts chattering at him about the groceries she and her mother came to buy.
They weave their way through the marketplace as they help each other--she tells him where he can find what he needs, and he silently curses the nords and their height as he tries to peer over shoulders to catch a glimpse of the woman she described--and that cold weight that's usually settled in his chest, his grief and remorse, lightens with every step. She's warm through his sweater and splutters indignantly every time the ever changing wind blows her brown hair into her mouth and he laughs, quiet and warm.
They check places she's already been, in case her mother doubled back looking for her, and take detours so Celann can fumble to place newly acquired groceries in the bag beneath her, unwilling to hold her over the side with his axe and equally unwilling to put her down, awkwardly shifting her weight as she laughs at him. He's silly for buying such expensive things, she tells him, and he light heartedly tells her Skyrim is silly for not having the things he used to use in High Rock. The revelation he hasn't always lived in Skyrim excites her to no end, and the rest of the trip is a Q&A of the sort only a small child can provide.
He feels warm inside, in his chest, where usually he feels vaguely cold at best, and for a moment he's reluctant to relinquish her when they finally find her mother, guided by the sounds of panicked calls of her name. There's a fond sadness as he sets her down on the stones again, and the woman looks at him oddly for a moment before the look turns knowing, though he's sure the conclusion she reached is slightly off.
She quietly asks if her daughter reminds him of her. He stands there silently for a moment, looking down at the little girl as she rifles through the things her mother's found.
He tells her yes.
#celann#fucking girldad#guy who wants small house white picket fence and 2.5 kids forced to become a murderer#cant live with the guilt and horror and becomes a man he cannot recognize in the mirror more at 6#me thinking about this last night: he uses Adult Privileges to be tall and look out over the crowd#me writing this: his short ass cant see over everyone else#its fine enough when hes just in the fort like usual but then theres a crowd and hes like goddammit#anyway he has to go get his fancy ingredients because NO you CAN use that but it doesnt TASTE RIGHT#and so he has been banished to specifically get his own goddamn groceries#celann: im a cold blooded killer and i can never atone for the atrocities i have committed. i am incapable of good#also celann: 💞💞💞😊😊😊#the loss of self after the incident really fucked him up he doesnt know who he is#he keeps trying to categorize himself and neatly file himself away but the fact remains#he is both the old celann and a new one simultaneously#however he feels tainted by his actions and thinks of the Before as like a purer time and he is not a pure man#so CLEARLY he is not AT ALL the old celann and those good traits are gone#anyway he goes soft when theres kids just absolutely melts#like the only guy in the dg that can be trusted to watch a small child#also in case it wasnt clear when the mother akss 'does she remind you of her' shes assuming his daughter is dead#shes asking if her daughter reminds him of his own#delivering your typical celann angst and remembering when i said i should write happy things for him#unfortunately this has not happened yet the happy things just happen in my mind
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kens-puku · 6 months ago
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Y'all are gonna think I'm so weird.
But I'm running with this idea I've had for a while for my mcl ocs. Well, other than the actual other mcl ocs I've made.
It's part lazy, part bizarre.
Clones.
Yep, clones.
My MCL NG oc is a clone of the original Puku, but different. I haven't figured out the details yet, but it's like what I did with Pukun, Puku's male clone. It has the idea of a type of clone theory idea of nature vs nurture. The DNA and nature of the puku clones is the same, but the nurture is always a bit different depending on circumstances. Puku "prime" is the parent of all the clones made, but Puku "prime" had a different parentage and upbringing than the clones. Not to mention, the events of each mcl game has different outcomes for clone Puku.
This Puku has -teal- hair and is a zoomer, I guess. Raised by Puku "prime" and has the existential grappling of dealing with being a clone in general.
There's... still a lot of ironing out to do. Like... Where does Kentin fit into all this? How should I incorporate the family given to Puku 2.0 in New Generation?
Why am I giving this plot to an MCL OC!??
lol
#my candy love#my candy love new generation#mcl ng#not that it matters at all. i don't believe I'd really write much lore on all this. it's just what my mind thinks of when regarding thispuk#actually I'm leaning more towards Puku 2.0 being raised by the family in universe. but Puku prime is like the creepy person that pops in#from time to time to make sure teal puku is doing alright#all of the pukus are adopted anyway lol#i have to study zoomers so I can know what zoomers are all about#wait... being a zoomer is all about upbringing during a certain time period.. so technically this Puku should be a gen alpha but JUST GO WI#dw guys I'll program this puku with the memories of a gen zoomer#When the teal puku was “born” from the test tube#puku prime put all the things zoomers grew up with on a crt television and had her watch it for a couple years while the body grows rapidly#it's all good fams we got this#teal puku would be like to peers “what do you mean your parents didn't have you watch your memories before they became memories?”#so like... teal puku will be “raised” by puku prime for about 4 years with programming. Then she'll be dropped off at the door step of the#family in NG with the instructions that she needs them to be her new family#yeah it's perfect!#just... so many of those gen z starter packs that I seen around#like minecraff and fortnite and the wii... yeah it's perfect#i need to remember how much aging happens in one year that I must have decided at one point. like a dog.#i think it was 1 year = about 4 years of growth but I can't member rn#but as per usual that growth cycle only goes on until reaching the age of the dna sampled. then it goes back to normal puku dna human growt#so actually 1 year of zoomer childhood programming#wait... the plot holes... are still.. T__T#I'll workshop it.
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em-b-sides · 4 months ago
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I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually
#like its so cute honestly but sometimes i wonder how hard it would actually be to like find the right color match#maybe one day... but for now probably expect oc art with this trend in it maybe 💀#the thing about it too is i have like dark eyes and idk if ive ever seen like a dark brown nail polish. beads or thread yeah but ya#oh nvm i googled. it exists i just dont pay attention ig#OH you know what i can do... i can paint pepperonis eye color on my nails.... my baby... my kitty......#dude it feels like 5 am why is it only 2#amyways. 4 monsters was a big mistake i think... i feel quite icky...#it doesnt help i didnt eat for a majority of the day it was just monster. im really unhealthy. need water maybe#wait i was talking about nail polish how did i get here#i just want to actually do cute couple things. i must heal. im gonna be so healthy.#its fine. lmao. i just know im not ready#oh i did eat btw dont worry lmao i had. chicken nuggets#i actually have to eat more bc i need to gain back some weight or they wont let me donate plasma#my extra pokemon money..... nawr...#i dropped like 10 pounds. my current job is very physical. lots of scuttling around.#i thought about working out too? i had a short phase last year in like spring or something where i started doing workout type stuff#so like.. maybe. probably should. healtly mindset shit yk#i also maybe want some more clothes. like update my wardrobe a bit. really figure out my style.#like some cool shirts and maybe pants. cause i wear a lot of the same stuff#also again. dropped weight so. need better fitting pants.....#i want more mens pants. big pockets... gender....#anyways. nice chatting with you besties. love you guys my silly little tumblr besties.#some of you that follow this sideblog have supported me on here for a while. i see you. i appreciate you. thank you 💖#genuinely there are names that pop up and im like !! hello!!! its you!!!!!#you guys probably know who you are. go get yourself a little treat you deserve it. or like. idk what you enjoy.#play a good game. watch your favorite show. idk. be happy. love yourself.#this also goes out to those of you who are more passive on my blog. i appreciate you too!! thank you!#all my little tumblr followers.... my besties..... unles you are a bot i havent cleared out lmao#k i might have to go to bed idk im tired well see
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f1owermoon · 2 months ago
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sorry i just. need to rant for a second
#cause dude the whole joost situation is SO fucking upsetting#he's mentioned over and over again how overwhelming this whole overnight success thing has been for him and to respect his boundaries#and instead of yk respecting his wishes “fans” go and make things worse by constantly overstepping and being creepy and weird like hello???#like why can't we all just be normal and take a step back and enjoy things#these people are gonna end up driving him off the internet and i wouldn't blame him one bit#and the worst part is the people who should get the memo obviously don't (or refuse to) bc this isn't an isolated instance#like its been going on for a while now#idk man i just think about how hard it must be for him rn#one of the things that turned me into a joost fan (besides his music) was his personality#like i obviously dont know him on a personal basis#but from the little bits ive seen he comes across as a really genuine and sweet and kind dude#super thoughtful as well. like i just love the way he thinks and his take on things#like i remember watching his eurovision interviews and just thinking oh man this dude's a ray of sunshine LMFAO#also the literal definition of resilience like dude's been through so much stuff and hes always managed to come out on top despite of it#and thats something i really admire about him too. like the way he put it as not letting your traumas be just that#but also something that can drive you forward#but yeah dude's had more than enough like he deserves to be happy and have some peace and ppl keep ruining it for him and it makes me upset#like i actually slept like shit last night and woke up feeling terrible and i wonder if what went down yesterday w the whole live thing#has anything to do with it lmfao#and you may be like ok well youre taking it too personally and letting it affect you#and yeah maybe youre right LOL but i cant help it i care about the guy and i want him to be okay#he seems to have a really good support system though so i hope things blow over soon and he can finally have some peace#anyway. rant over! 💋#raquel speaks
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iknaenmal · 1 year ago
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actually you know what. my blog my posts i can post about whatever i want
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running-in-the-dark · 9 months ago
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I know I've been particularly incoherent for the past few days (again), and it's so dramatic and ridiculous but it seriously feels like something is punishing me. I just want to like things a normal amount. I just want to like people and characters a normal amount.
I don't want to become so fully obsessed that literally nothing else exists and thinking about anything else feels like my brain is being stabbed with a thousand tiny knives. I don't want to need to find every piece of information I possibly can on whoever it is this time. I don't want to feel like I'm (literally) losing my mind when I see them. I don't want any of this!
I can not believe that I exist as a human being on this stupid planet just to get obsessed with people over and over and over again forever.
#like it's not. fun. it's not 'oh haha I just like this guy a lot :3' no it feels like. dying.#like I said I know it's fucking dramatic I know. but it feels SO BAD#and sometimes SO GOOD because nothing else gives my brain that feeling but god damn it most of the time it's just painful#maybe I should try drugs#probably.#maybe I should start drinking again#that made it bearable#but no that's. stupid#but my god how am I supposed to go through this again and again and again so many times in a row#I don't know how to explain how fucking devastating it is to attach yourself to. some stupid idiot (I'm sorry I don't mean that.). only to#not really care anymore after a couple months#what do you MEAN. I literally love this person with every stupid fibre of my stupid being and now he's just. some guy again??#I don't know. how. not to do this. it's not a choice! it's not something I DO. it HAPPENS to me.#and it only doesn't happen when I'm so depressed that I want to actively die.#anyway yeah it's about John Larroquette and Dan Fielding and Jenkins and yeah I'm the fucking stupidest fucking dumbass on earth#someone hit me in the head to fix my brain please#and seriously this is not normal. it can not be normal. this is not how normal people feel about stuff. it can't be#I think this is why I don't get fandom culture. and shipping specifically. like. no I'm not. I'm not enjoying these characters. I'm not#watching this show and thinking aww these two should kiss :)#I'm. not there anymore. I don't fucking exist. all I do. is think about this person. I can't stop it.#I am not a person when I don't feel like this. I'm not even real. I'm just whoever I'm obsessed with. I say that so much but that's how it#feels! I'm not real.#so anyway when I say 'haha I'm fine' what I mean is no I'm not someone make my brain work right please#I just. see him and start crying. because it's so overwhelming.#maybe I should find a therapist and hope they speak English and show them this post :)#haha no that's ridiculous I could never mention this to a normal person#guess I'll just keep driving myself to insanity with this crap.#personal
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