#anyway im so excited about my files. i love......files................

[exoscreamsoda]

i know next season is supposed to be lestat focused (and im currently having a breakdown imagining him as a rockstar) but i would give ANYTHING to see a glimpse of how louis and armand were living in the current age before they invited their couple therapist. theres no way they figured out how to use the internet to its full potential. did rashid come over one day to set up their wifi and then ended up their little henchman. are their man snacks found on craigslist or something. armand said he didnt want daniel there so i can only imagine louis was annoying him 24/7 while he was trying to read on his kindle in peace 💀 the way louis is so adamant about getting this book made makes me think he was watching tv and one of those reality shows that covers old musicians came on and he saw lestat and started tweaking because no way did he think about old man dan's book out of no where

[gayabeilles]

my house is STINKY send post

[skrunksthatwunk]

my beloved older brother has slotted yakuza 0 pretty high up in his video game queue and every time he mentions he's gonna play it i start shaking, vibrating with motion over it,, I'm so excited heehee

[caramelkoo]

be still my heart — jjk [one]

the one in which you get a sex dream about the grouchy hockey player you work for.

genre : childhood best friends to frenemies to lovers, physical therapist!reader x hockey player!jungkook, slow burn, smut, fluff, angst

word count : 5.2k

chapter warnings : strong language, mature, slight smut (because im a tease), reader’s name is Destiny, jungkook is a bit grumpy towards her (she makes him nervous leave my boy alone), fat shaming (not by any of the main characters), oc had daddy issues, mentions of allergy. that’s about it, please let me know if i missed something.

a/n : here it isssssss drumrolls please because im so excited for this. jungkook as a hockey player??? *deep breaths* enjoy my lovely people. you’re so so loved. asks, reblogs and likes are much appreciated. kisses <3

read part two here

˚୨୧⋆｡˚

“Babe, you know you're not going to win right? Don't be wasting your breath.” Bella challenges.

You’re sitting on the chair in your office going through the personnel file of the players. Verifying their names with their contact numbers and photographs which, you’re not going to lie, look like mugshots. Jeez, does smiling a little bit cost them? Anyways, once you’re done you close the file and look up at your assistant bickering with her boyfriend. Phone pressed against her ear. 

You mime hanging up the call and she lifts her index finger, indicating for you to wait. She throws in words like hmmm, yeah, you don’t know what you’re saying, yeah i love you too. Once she’s done, she drops the phone on the glass table in front of you and leans back in her chair. 

“He thinks I will let him get away with anything just because I love him”  

You chuckle, “What’s going on?” 

“You know, I’ve been wanting a cat for so long I even made a pinterest board for that. Last Sunday he surprised me with one and when I told him that I lowkey manifested it, he was not having it. I even showed him the mood board and I NEVER show it to anyone. Evil eye is real.” she all but cries out. 

That’s Bella for you. Highly spiritual and a firm believer of the universe. She claims that everything happens for a reason. She’s like a little ball of sunshine. Ever since you joined the Ice Dominators’ hockey team as a physical therapist, she’s been assisting you and you couldn’t be more thankful seeing the lack of female workers here. Seriously, there's no other female worker here except yourself and Bella which is so diabolical to you.

And it’s not like the men on the hockey team are a bunch of misogynist jerks. On the contrary, they act like they’ve known you for years. It didn't take you long to feel like home here. They are obedient, friendly and pretty nice. Few of them are married with kids while the rest of them remain single. They’re not like a bunch of teenagers, they know what they’re doing.

Except one, what’s his name? Jeon Jungkook. You would describe that man as crude and closed off to a pathological degree. You still remember when you asked him to come to your office so you can look at any possible previous injuries, he lied to your fucking face. Claiming he doesn’t have any when you could clearly see him hobbling sometimes just a tiny bit when he walked away. Years and years of dedication towards your studies have made you capable enough to catch that it is an old injury.

Despite your better judgment, you blamed it on the fact that his team lost the game that day. Poor guy was having a bad day and took it out on you. Big deal. 

“Earth to Destiny” Bella waves a hand close to your face and you shake your head as you look at her.

“Leave the poor man alone” You plead and then ask, “Any details about the new player? I’ll have to add it in the file” 

“Not yet, as far as I know they’re still contemplating the guy named Park Jimin or something”

That gets you real quick. Park Jimin. The name feels like acid on your tongue .The last game being unsatisfactorily resulted in the federation trading one of the players. It was cruel but was done for the better. Bound to happen sooner or later. You had expected it but what you had not expected was you both sharing a same room, sharing the same air.

“Alright then. We’ll cross that bridge when it’s—”

Knock, knock

“Miss Kim, sorry to interrupt but the manager is asking for you” Taehyung’s head pokes through the door.

You stand, picking up the file and sliding it into the tableside drawer, running a free hand over your scrubs. Bella does the same as she plucks her phone from the table and puts it inside her back pocket.

You look at him. “Sure Tae, thank you for informing”

He flashes you a quick, pretty smile before leaving. Bella turns to you with a worried look on her face.

“What do you think it is for?”

You bite your lip. “I have no idea. I wanna say it's about the new player but who knows?”

You hope it is and as unfortunate as it is for you to discuss him, you will have to hold your own. You know better than to be invited into the manager’s office. Though, judging by the temperament of him you would not predict anything. Last time when he called you, it was about Jeon Jerk, asking you to be more serious about your job as if it was your fault the man spared you the necessary details.

The asshole asked YOU to do your job better by virtue of HIS player not being sweet enough to listen. Maybe, there is indeed a misogynistic asshole going around and it’s the manager. No wonder women don’t volunteer to work for him.

Since, You love your job —god knows you wanna keep doing it— you kept quiet and took every jab he threw at you.

“Wait, Do I have time to pray? Should I pray?” she’s clearly panicking and you pat her on the shoulder.

“Just hope my job is still intact” you say, warily reaching for your purse. You both head out.

˚୨୧⋆｡˚

“Miss Kim, have a seat” James nods at the chair before him.

Once you’re settled, he continues, “I asked for you to join me here regarding the upcoming game. Care to fill in about the status of injury assessment?"

You clear your throat, “Absolutely, I was planning on getting on that today” 

“Well, I would love for you to do it soon as you know we have a new player in the team with us now”

You jerk, leaning forward. “We do?”

“Yes, and if you can please hurry with the assessment I would be grateful. You can do that right? Not too much of a work for you, eh?” 

Someone give him a medal from the way he's trying to hide the venom in his voice.

“Sure I can” you give him a firm nod. 

James Adams is an entitled, self centered asshole who thinks he’s above everyone else just because of his position. You reckon he does anything for the team besides talking bullshit. He kind of reminds you of your dad who also has the nasty habit of thinking the world of himself.

You’re all about self love but when that self love turns into chronically demeaning everybody in their close proximity, it boils your blood. This man in front of you is no better than your father. What's that saying? Out of the frying pan into the fire.

So you say nothing further and excuse yourself. You would have barfed in his face if you stayed there a second longer. Actually that's not a very bad idea. Bella is standing outside waiting for you as you close the door behind yourself.

“What did he say?” 

You bark, “Bunch of horseshit” 

“Typical” 

˚୨୧⋆｡˚

Jungkook 

There is a buzzing noise somewhere around Jungkook. Fuck, his head hurts. He frantically searches for his phone, still not opening his eyes. When he finds it, he slides his thumb on the screen and picks up the call. 

“Dude, how big do you want your coffin to be?” He loves his best friend but right now he would rather be sleeping than listen to him bark in his own ear. 

He finally squints his eyes open, “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“Have you looked at the time?” says Taehyung.

“What time- FUCK!!!” he shrieks as he looks at the clock.

Somebody kill him right now. No wait, he’s gonna die either way so why bother. If he didn’t scream loud enough before, he does now. He all but jumps off the bed when he sees the blondie on the other side sleeping like she fucking owns it, wearing nothing but a thong. She must have heard him malfunctioning because soon she stirs, groaning as she slowly wakes up like a Disney princess. Who the heck is she and how did she get in here? Then it comes to him.

“Please Jungkook just take me to your room and fuck me. Show me what those hockey hands are capable of.” 

He wants to swallow a fistful of iron nails. Speaking straight from his shoulders, he has made plenty of bad decisions throughout his career and this is not his first time bringing a puck bunny up to his room but it has never come to this. Missing his hockey practice because he was too exhausted to get his sweet ass up and run to the academy. 

Taehyung screams from the other side of the line, “Are you there? Hello?” 

Shit, he forgot he was on a call. 

“I’ll be there soon. Cover for me until then.” With that he presses the red circular button and ends the call with him muttering some curses.

He glances back at the blondie, “Why are you not gone yet?” 

She’s looking at him with those fuck me eyes she had last night but right now when he’s well aware of the fact that he’s in hot water, they don’t do shit to him. Coach will have his head on a platter today for sure. Honestly, they wouldn’t have done shit to him if it was not for the great deal of alcohol last night.

“I thought of you as a morning sex person” she twirls a strand of hair with her finger, sitting up now. Her tits hang free and he can see his hickeys decorating her chest.

He wants to laugh. She’s not even close to his type. His type is the woman in blue scrubs with her brunette hair slicked back in a ponytail. His type is the woman who looks like she could be watching grass grow rather than to look at him. His type is the woman who walks into a room and lights it up. His type is the woman who is too bright for him and his mundane personality, who has a face worth millions. His type is Kim Destiny. 

“No need to waste your precious time thinking about me. You can go” 

He places his phone back on the table and saunters over to the bathroom, not bothering looking back at her. He has boundaries and he intends to keep it that way.

He quickly goes through his routine of taking a shower, making a cup of coffee, sliding into a pair of sweatpants and the Ice Dominator’s jersey with his name on the back. Not in that order, of course.

The girl is thankfully gone by the time he finishes. Once he’s done with his coffee he picks up the car keys and a protein bar from the kitchen counter and heads to the academy hoping his limbs remain intact by the time he’s home.

The Academy is bustling as usual with players keeping themselves busy with hockey and their gym sessions. He heads straight for the rink not even bothering to change into the uniform. He needs to see for himself that everybody is still on the ice. Everything comes after that.

Surprisingly, he sees not a single guy when he reaches there. His heartbeat stops.

“Hey Pixie, where are the boys? Did they already leave?” he asks the brunette kid who looks like he just saw a ghost. Or it’s just Jungkook who he saw.

He shakes his head, “They’re all in the gym. The doc called them earlier, said she had something important to get done with them” 

Jungkook gives him a quick thanks and walks towards the gym. What could be so important that she had to call the boys mid practice? Is someone hurt? Is she hurt? His heart leaps in hid throat as he runs. Fuck, please let him be wrong.

The first thing that he sees as he enters the room full of equipment are his teammates. Taehyung and Yoongi are in the corner lifting weights, Namjoon is using the treadmill as he runs on it. The rest of the boys are all scattered around doing their own thing. He still can’t find Destiny anywhere but her assistant, Bella, is talking to Namjoon while holding a file so he lets out a sigh, relieved that nobody is in fact hurt and in need of help. 

“Do you wanna get a tattoo on the peni— oh look who’s here. Jeon Jungkook as I live and breathe.”

Taehyung drops the weight on the ground before walking up to him. He’s dressed in a black tee and sports shorts. The man looks good in everything. Bet he’d look in a sack too. 

“Whoa!! Why do you look like you wanna kill somebody or wanna get killed? Is everything okay?” 

Jungkook lets his face relax, focusing more on the eyebrows which had gone tensed due to his unnecessary anxiety. “Yeah, all’s good. The practice ended early?” 

“The practice ended just on time. It’s you who’s late” he pats my shoulder. 

He runs his fingers through his hair and walks towards the bench, dropping his bag on it. Taehyung follows him ignoring Yoongi who’s calling him back for the weightlifting. 

“Doc wanted to assess our injuries for the last time before our game if you’re curious which, I know you are. You’re always curious about her” 

He winks at Jungkook and he punches him on the chest. Taehyung laughs as he rubs the spot.

“Keep your voice down, will you?” 

Bella’s voice echoes across the room, “Jeon, you’re up next” 

He takes out his water bottle, takes a swig and stands. A wince leaves him as he gets a flashback of the last time he had to face her. It didn’t go very well and he’s sure she hates him now. He would too. After all, he not only talked to her rudely but also lied through his teeth about his injury. It’s pretty old so he had not felt the need to mention it. 

He sees a guy coming out of the office just before he’s about to enter. He has brown hair long enough to reach the nape of his neck. Even from where Jungkook’s standing, he can say the man doesn’t reach above his shoulders. Who the fuck is he? Oh wait, he must be the new player that got traded down here. The guy must have sensed him making a hole through his head by the way he’s staring because he’s begins walking towards him with a bright grin.

“Hey man, you must be Jeon Jungkook? Heard a lot about you. I’m Park Jimin” He holds out his hand, asking Jungkook to shake it and he gives it a firm handshake. Word to the wise : never give someone a weak handshake. His grandfather has been asking him to do that ever since he was 15, said it doesn’t leave a strong impression and he’s be lying if he says he was wrong.

He offers Jimin a nod, “Nice to meet you. Excited to get on the rink with you.” 

He takes his hand back. “Oh the feeling is mutual but—”

“Jungkook, please join me inside” 

Destiny’s voice cuts him off as she looks over to both of them with an eerie expression on her face. Her eyes bounce between them, resting a second longer on Jimin. Does she know him? Do they have a history? Wait, are they a thing? Even if they are, why does it bother him? Jungkook couldn’t care less about the pretty physical therapist who wears her blue scrubs like armor and white crocs with strawberries on them.

He gives Jimin another nod and follows her into the office. Although, he’s not sure if a massage table and a stool resting beside it counts as an office. The room which she works in is much better. This one is just for examinations and massage therapy so he guesses it doesn’t need that much of an upgrade.

She gestures towards the table, “Please sit”

He says nothing and settles himself up, clearing his throat.

“Look I know we got off on the wrong foot last time and it could have gone so much better, but we can still start over right?”

Destiny takes a deep breath, filling her chest with air. She’s wearing her hair in a bun today. It sits at the top of her head and some strands are set loose cascading down her face. God, she’s pretty.

He looks down and back up at her. “Sure”

Her face shows her annoyance with the one word response. He doesn't blame her. He'd be pissed too.

She’s quiet for a moment, “Why don’t you tell me about your knee injury to start with?”

“What are you talking about?”

She sighs, “You know what I’m talking about Jungkook. Please don’t make me work for it. It’s my job to know about your past and present injuries, if any. The manager has already given me crap about it”

He freezes. His hackles rising and his relaxed face long gone.

“What did he say?”

“Nothing”

He levels her with a stern face, “What.did.he.say?”

She’s not obligated to answer him. Hell, she could just slap him in the face and leave but he needs to know what went down with that son of a bitch. When and if she decides to let him in the details and it turns out something wicked, he’s gonna hunt that man down and make his life miserable.

Much to his surprise, she takes a step back and starts talking. "He called me in his office today and," she halts,

"Well let's just say there were some words thrown around which clearly meant he thinks of me as a feather brained bitch"

He might look unbothered from outside but the indignation inside him could just about burn the whole city down. He tries to keep calm and pries some more.

His jaw clenches. "What else?"

Destiny shakes her head, shuffling on her feet. “Jungkook it’s really not that seriou—”

“It is serious. You work for us, you tolerate our asses and in return if we fail to give you the respect which, you deserve by the way cause it’s the bare minimum, we might as well save everyone’s time and money by giving all of this up.”

“Why do you care?” she shakes her head.

He takes a step forward, “Because you— Because you work for us, Destiny. You look out for our bodies, our injuries, our fuckups. Is that not enough?”

She barely reaches his shoulders. It’s cute how she has to crane her neck up in order to look him in the eye. She keeps looking at him for a long minute, searching his face.

“You think I don’t know that? Do you really think I don’t have what it takes to ask for my own dignity?”

He takes a long step back. This conversation was as unforeseen as they come. The room gets filled with heavy silence and he can hear Destiny’s heavy breath. He can tell she’s trying to calm herself as if his words have blindsided her.

Needless to say she’s a tad bit taken aback. Jungkook would be too if someone who never bothered to speak a word to him and when he did, there was nothing pleasant about his tone suddenly started to care.

But that’s where she’s wrong, nothing about his care or concern for her is sudden. He still remembers the day she accidentally drank the almond smoothie Bella brought not knowing the fact that she’s allergic to it. She’d started choking the second it went down her throat. He also remembers how Yoongi injected the epipen against her thigh as she came back to life.

Meanwhile, he stood behind shaking in his goddamn boots. Too scared to let her out of his sight and too pathetic to hold her close. Yeah, he’s not proud of that.

He sighs, “You know that’s not what I meant—”

Namjoon walks inside with a hand towel around his neck “Doc, you about done? The boys are being incorrigible over there. If you don’t hurry, one of them is gonna call a tattoo artist and get their dick tattooed. Right here”

The room falls silent.

“Jesus” she looks over to where the guys are bickering about something, propping her hands on her hips. “Yeah, give me a minute.”

“Sure” and with that he walks away.

She picks up a blue file from the stool, not looking at him. Why is she not looking at him?

“If you don’t want to tell me about your injury right now, that’s fine. Since, I know it’s pretty old and It’s unlikely that you’re gonna get affected by it in the upcoming games, there’s no need to worry. However, I would still suggest you be careful. Anything can happen out there and your knee is in a vulnerable position. Don’t pick unnecessary fights, don’t let the opponent know your weak link.”

She glances at him, dropping the file back to where it was.

“You can go”

Without a preamble, he heads outside, passing Taehyung. He hears him cracking a joke about penis tattoos and piercings with his girlfriend’s name on it. Destiny cracks up and Jungkook wonders if she would have done the same, had he been the one cracking the joke. Only, he doesn’t crack jokes. Not around her at least. It’s not like he's some grumpy bastard who wants nothing to do with anybody around him and thinks of him as omniscient.

There’s just something about Destiny which puts him at loss of words. Knotting his tongue it in such a way where he can’t get an expression out. Only look at her and god, does he look at her. He's not stupid. He knows it’s a crush but she’s like a mirage to him. She’s unreachable, forbidden and so fucking beautiful.

Does he want to make her his? Yes, Is he going to risk his career and hers over it? Absolutely not. So, he makes use of the only right nobody can take away from him. Not even her. Admire her from afar. Fantasize more about tasting her, licking her slender neck and worshipping the ground that she walks on and one day if she lets him, Jungkook will do anything to turn all of that into reality.

He finds Yoongi seated on of the benches, scrolling on his phone.

Facing him, Jungkook speaks in a low voice. "Do you have any idea where James is?"

˚୨୧⋆｡˚

Destiny

Never have you ever wanted to run away as much as you did when you saw Jimin in front of yourself, standing all tall and proud. You had wished it to be a dream, wished you just had a nightmare about him joining the same team you happen to work with but reality is a goddamn bitch and it bites hard when it does. He had grown out his hair longer but he still has the same smile, same eyes and the same charm he used on you back then. Park Jimin is a man people don’t ever forget once they see him. He has an aura which traps everyone so hard they can never escape. How do you know? You have been a victim yourself.

You meticulously go through the consequences and eventualities of being in the same room as him again. You seeing him everyday and him reminding you of every single detail you have tried so hard forgetting about, the boys finding out about you both and putting you through the wringer or worse, him. The possibilities are endless and you feel the sudden urge to square everything with him.

Contrary to what you had thought, he reacted pretty normally when he saw you as if somebody had already told him about you. You had expected him to get shocked or at the very least pretend to be shocked.

Having said that, he just gave you a single nod as if you're someone he passes by every morning at the park. Are you this forgettable? Are you someone people just brush aside like that? Your father’s words echo in your ears like loud drums,

“You know, nobody will love you if you keep looking like this. Eat less”

“Girl, do you ever stop eating? Every time I see you, you're stuffing something in that mouth of yours!!”

“Don’t come running back at me when no guy gives a shit about you”

You were 10 and he was an asshole. He still is.

Thanks to him, you now have a tendency to cook when you're stressed over anything. It brings you comfort and diverts your mind from the excessive overthinking. You would go bald if it puts the voices into silent mode.

After already wasting half of your life speculating what to eat, counting calories and whatnot, you came to the terms that you can’t actually operate that way and began eating whatever the fuck you wanted. Yet still, you need to go a long way in order to fully love yourself and your body. It's a journey and you're moving ahead step by step. One day at a time.

One would even say you're hot. You have received compliments from several people over the course of time except you don’t have a thigh gap, your arms jiggle and you also happen to have a love handle. You would have adored them if it wasn’t for your dad making you feel shitty about having them.

A knock on your door stops you midway as you're kneading the dough. Biscuit runs over to you, jumping on the counter.

“Coming”

The knock comes back again, this time slightly louder.

“Oh my god wait I’m coming”

The door swings open and you gasp. “Mina?”

She passes by you, dragging her suitcase along with her.

“Hey bestie”

You close the door and follow her further into the hall. “What’s going on? What’s with the suitcase?”

Your best friend’s sudden arrival must have caught you by slight surprise but your cat is rather pleased to see her. Traitor. She starts clawing at her feet excitedly.

“What a good girl you are? Yes, you are” Mina coos at her and then glances up at you from where she has biscuit nestled in her lap,

“I need a place to live for a few days because my shitty boss kept rejecting all my articles and I really wanna bring her something worth the front page. Apparently, writing about the famous coffee shop around the corner and their secret ingredient being maple syrup wasn’t good enough.”

You round the counter and continue kneading the dough for your strawberry pie. It’s not unlikely for Mina to show up unannounced. In fact, she has done that plenty of times but the suitcase was never involved. This one is new.

“So you decided to barge in here without even asking?” You tease.

She flashes you a dramatic look. “Look at us, Destiny. Aren’t we the same girls who giggled about living together after college? With matching slippers and movie marathons?”

“Okay okay you dramatic bitch. How long are you here for?”

Biscuit runs to do her business and she gets up, setting her suitcase to the side.

She sighs, “Not sure. As long as it takes me to come up with a new topic to write about–HEY— why don’t I just write on the hockey team you work with? What are they called? Ice…ice”

“Ice Dominators” you fill in for her.

She slaps her thigh. “That’s the one”

You shrug, “I mean you can, but you’ll have to call in on the coach first. He operates everything inside and outside the team”

Coach Ian is too nice to turn her request down. He’s one of the most genuine people in the federation. Maybe this is why the team is so strong and united. He respects every single boy and receives it tenfold. It's a mutual thing.

“Shit, How come I didn’t think about that” she bites her lip, her enthusiasm replaced by nervousness.

“Don’t worry. He won’t make you work for it. Ian is as nice as they come” you assure.

She takes a deep breath and lets it out. As you watch, she opens your fridge, taking out the box of frozen blueberries and pops one into her mouth.

“Do you want me to give you a hand?” she mumbles while chewing.

You point towards the bathroom, “Go and take a shower, right now. You stinky”

You duck the blueberry she throws your way, laughing as you do. Giving your cheek one last kiss, she excuses herself.

˚୨୧⋆｡˚

Warm hands roam over your thigh, squeezing them. You muffle your moan with your palm and take every thrust. 

“Yeah, you like that? You like how I’m pounding into this ass right now?” 

You gasp. 

“Such a good girl” he praises.

The man behind you presses a kiss to your naked shoulder as he rasps in your ears, “Were you walking around all day dripping for me?” 

He pulls his cock out and thrusts again. You meet him with equal passion and hunger. 

“Tell me” 

You nod. 

“I need your words, Destiny” 

You cry out, “Yes Oh god, Yes. I wanted you in me so bad” 

He cups your pussy and rubs your clit with his palm until you're rolling your eyes to the back of your head and squirming. Thrust after thrust he brings you to your sweet release while talking dirty things in your ear. You're about to melt into a puddle of goo. He’s got you totally at his mercy. 

“So beautiful like this. Taking my cock so well huh?” 

“Ahh it feels so good, right there. Just right there, don’t stop” 

He bites down your shoulder, “Come for me and let everyone outside hear the name you’re screaming, you dirty whore” 

Your heartbeat picks up as you squeeze him with the tight ring of muscle, orgasm crashing over. 

“FUCK. Oh my god Jungkook!!”

Your eyes fling open and you sit up so fast your head starts spinning. Everything around you is pitch black. Wait, where am you? 

Mina is at your side in an instant, “Destiny, are you okay babe?”

You look around and release a sigh of relief. You run your fingers through your hair, ruffling them. 

“Yeah um… I’m fine. It was just a bad dream. Go back to sleep.” 

Except it wasn’t. It was one hell of a dream where you were getting fucked into oblivion by your player. You're not even going to lie and say that you didn’t like it. C’mon you're a woman of needs, it’s just that, him fulfilling those needs was not on the cards for you even if it wasn't real.

You check the time on your phone and wince at the bright light flashing up at you. It’s 2:45 am and you just had a back breaking sex dream about a man who you want nothing to do with. Who, as beautiful as he is, annoys the hell out of you with those one word replies and grumpy face. An edgy feeling threatens to rise.

Oh god it’s going to be awkward now. It’s only normal to walk on eggshells around someone people have these sort of dreams about. You have read your fair share of books where the female character gets a sex dream about a man and then they don’t talk to each other for the rest of their lives. Okay, that's a bit of a stretch but it might as well not be.

Yeah, you admit you guys don’t talk to each other a lot as it is, or are longtime best friends tiptoeing around their feelings, but you're afraid you're gonna have to ignore him forever for the sake of your own sanity. 

I’m so fucked. You think.

tags - @httpjeonlicious @lovingkoalaface @rpwprpwprpwprw

[spncrscasey]

Workaholic (j.w.)

Fandom/Characters: House M.D. - James Wilson x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3k

Summary: Children either bring couples together, or push them apart. Unfortunately in your case, it was the latter.

Warnings: baby talk, miscarriage, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, unhealthy coping mechanisms, tumor/cancer mention, happy ending don't worry, and a BUNCH of pet names (these people are sickly in love- its insane)

a/n: almost finished with season 1 of house and i love wilson so so much, he’s such a cutie patootie. anyway i don’t know how accurate this is because i haven’t seen much of the show yet so im going off spoilers and random reasearch lol but hopefully it makes sense and yall enjoy it <3

You were currently sitting in the bathroom of your office staring at the test in front of you. You couldn’t believe it. Two lines. You were pregnant.

You were elated. As the Head of Pediatrics, you had ample experience working with children, which made you even more excited about the chance of being a mom since starting a family has always been a dream of yours.

However, you were unsure about how your husband would react to the news. Although you had discussed having kids with James on a few occasions, you never officially agreed to start trying. So it would be an understatement to say that you felt nervous about telling him.

You let out a sigh, carefully sliding the test into your pocket before hesitantly rising to your feet. Despite your concerns, you had to tell him, he has the right to know. Leaving your office, you made your way to the Oncology Department to seek out your husband.

Once you approached his office, you noticed the door slightly ajar, letting you know he was inside. You took a deep breath before gently pushing the door open.

“Hey, dear,” you said smiling at him when he looked up from his files to meet your eyes.

“Hi there sweetheart, how's my favorite girl doing?” He rose from his chair and sauntered around his desk to reach you, where he wrapped his arms around your waist, placing a chaste kiss on your cheek.

You didn't respond right away opting to look at your shoes and avoid his eyes, anxious about the news you were about to deliver. He was instantly worried, furrowing his brows in confusion. “Is everything okay?”

“James, honey, I have something I need to tell you.” You whispered but he heard it anyway.

“Of course Y/N, anything.” His voice dripped with fear as he anticipated what you were about to tell him. Considering you were wife number four, he was bracing himself for you to finally tell him you were leaving. Preparing for the worst, almost expecting the divorce papers even though your marriage had been nothing but perfect.

Yet his thoughts were cut short when you blurted out the information you'd been keeping in for the last twenty minutes. “I’m pregnant.”

You gazed into his eyes, trying to decipher his emotions, but they revealed nothing. His expression was unreadable, leaving you feeling even more uneasy.

“We're going to have a baby?” He questioned, shocked. You nodded and pulled out the pregnancy test to show him. He held it, staring at it, bewildered. It was clear he was processing the information, but his thoughts were kept hidden. Yet, you felt optimistic, hopeful that he wasn't showing signs of being upset.

“We’re having a baby!” He repeated with an enormous grin on his face, instantly enveloping you in a tight embrace.

As you hugged him back, a yelp of excitement escaped your lips. He lifted you off the ground, spinning you around as your laughter filled the air. You gently caressed his cheeks, planting quick and tender kisses all over his face. Joy radiating off of the both of you.

He slowly placed you back on the floor, eliciting a giggle from your lips at the way he was suddenly handling you with caution. “Relax, Jamie, I won't break. You don't have to be so careful, you know.” You reassure him, fingers tangling in his hair.

“You're carrying our baby! Some might say I'm not being careful enough!” He exclaimed back, resting his hands on your hips.

There's a comfortable silence for a moment while you both hold each other as everything sinks in.

“I'm glad you're okay with this.” You admit, leaning your forehead against his.

“Okay? Baby, I've never been happier! This is the best day of my life— well, besides the day I met you obviously.” He clarifies, earning a chuckle from you.

“You’re going to be a great dad, James.”

“And you're going to be an even greater mom, sweetheart.” He responds before delicately pressing his lips against yours.

You were eleven weeks pregnant. Your OB mentioned you'd be able to find out the baby's gender at your next appointment. Which you were on the way to right now. James couldn't make it due to a consult House had dragged him to but you reassured him that it was fine. You'd surprise him with a mini gender reveal celebration later.

You already had it planned. You'd go to the baby store and buy an article of clothing corresponding to the gender and wrap it in white to keep it concealed. It would be a special moment between you that you'd cherish for the rest of your life. Just the simple thought of it brought a smile to your face as you walked into the exam room, waiting to be checked out.

The nurse finally entered the room and began the procedure. She squeezed the gel onto your stomach and started the ultrasound. You watched intently, still struggling to comprehend the fact that there was an actual baby growing inside of you. The baby you and James had created, the baby your love had created. Your eyes twinkled in happiness at the idea of the family you'd soon become, the corners of your lips turning upwards.

Your smile faltered though when you noticed a momentary expression on the nurse's face that made you apprehensive. Before you were able to analyze it further, she left, informing you that the doctor would see you shortly.

Your heart began racing. What could that mean? Was the baby okay? Were you okay? What was wrong? Yes, you were a doctor, but suddenly all medical knowledge had left your brain. It's like you couldn't focus on anything but the notion that something was clearly not alright.

Your obstetrician stepped into the room, stopping you from spiraling further. A solemn expression on her face.

“Dr. Montgomery- How’s the baby? Is everything okay? Can we know the sex?” You hurriedly asked, letting it all out at once.

“Y/N, I'm sorry. You've had a miscarriage.” She said, looking at you sympathetically.

The world around you suddenly froze in place. Doctor Montgomery’s lips continued to move, providing information, but no sound reached your ears. It was as if her voice was distant and muffled, and all you could concentrate on was the fact that your baby was gone.

Your surroundings suddenly became blurry, hands trembled uncontrollably. How could this have happened? Both you and James had been incredibly careful and wary throughout the pregnancy. What went wrong?

You didn't even realize when she exited the room, leaving you in solitude with your thoughts. You felt numb, detached from the world that kept on spinning as if the devastating news didn't matter. Why was everyone going about their day as if nothing had happened when you had just received such heartbreaking news about not being able to have your baby? You hated it. You were mad at the world, mad at the doctor, mad at yourself.

You got to your feet and made your way to your husband's office, almost as if on autopilot. It felt surreal like your body was being guided by some invisible force through the busy corridors. It was as though your legs were moving of their own accord, taking you where you needed to be, letting your mind wander.

You suddenly found yourself standing in front of the glass doors, unsure of how you had ended up there in the first place. You hesitantly pushed the door open and entered.

As if you hadn't been through enough today, James’ office was found to be empty. The one person you needed at the moment wasn't here, which frustrated you even more. Logically, you knew it wasn't his fault. He's a doctor too. He probably got stuck with House’s consult, yet you were too distraught to think clearly, your distress clouding your judgment. So instead, you took a seat on the couch, waiting for his eventual return.

You sat there, lost in thought, staring into space, unaware of how much time had passed. Not even the sound of the office door being pulled and James entering could draw your attention.

He, however, saw you. Face instantly beaming. “Hey hun, how was the appointment?” He inquired, clueless to your expression since you had your back turned.

Noticing your lack of acknowledgment, he swiftly rushed over to you. Kneeling in front of your seated body, taking your hands in his. “Y/N, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

His touch finally snapped you out of your thoughts, causing you to meet his concerned gaze. Tears filled your eyes as you whispered, barely audible, “I lost it.”

“Lost what angel? What's going on?” He questioned further, slowly moving his hands to cup your face.

“The baby, James. I lost our baby,” You explained, letting out a sob while falling forward.

He quickly caught you, putting his hands around you to hold you tightly, unable to believe the news himself. He clutched onto you, not only in a way to comfort you but himself as well. Tears kept streaming down your face, and the reality of the situation finally sank in. It felt like you hadn't come to terms with it until just now. You nuzzled your face into his chest, no doubt soaking his dress shirt, but you were too overwhelmed to care.

You could hear a few sniffles coming from him too, which only added to the heartbreak you were feeling. Knowing that you were the cause of his pain, the reason behind his tears. It made it all the more unbearable. The realization that you were the one who had resulted in the end of the life of the baby you both had hoped to raise was finally getting through to you, and it was crushing.

If you had communicated your feelings, he would have immediately reassured you that he would never hold you responsible for this. And he would have been right. No matter how upsetting it may be, these things happen, it wasn't your fault. But your brain wasn't functioning right presently, and all it could see was the pain you believed you were causing the both of you.

You lost track of how long the two of you held each other like that. Time was spent with you mostly crying, and him trying to hold himself together while whispering sweet nothings into your ear. It was supposed to be comforting, but it wasn't. Nothing he said would bring your baby back. You let him try regardless, knowing it was his way of coping with the loss.

It had been two weeks since you found out. Two weeks since your life changed for the worse.

There were many ways to deal with a loss. Attend grief support groups, see a therapist, journal, meditate— yet here you were, ignoring all of those and overworking yourself to death instead.

In your head, if you couldn't save and care for your own baby, you were determined to do it for others.

As a result, over the past two weeks, you've thrown yourself into your work. You'd been getting home late while leaving early in the mornings, picking up extra shifts, and spending more time at the clinic— all to avoid confronting the event that occurred.

Was it healthy? No. Was it working? Yes.

You found yourself isolating from everyone and everything. Even your own husband. You didn't mean to avoid him, it just happened that way because you were hardly ever at home anymore. Cuddy had even asked you to go home and rest up on multiple occasions but you refused each time, insisting that you were fine.

You were currently at the clinic, examining a patient who had an unknown mass in her stomach. It was likely a tumor so you were forced to page your husband, Dr. Wilson, Head of Oncology.

You didn't want to do it, knowing that if you paged him here, the conversation would end with him forcing you to open up. As it would be the first time you two would have an actual exchange in the last two weeks. But for your patient's sake, you were ready to set aside your personal issues and focus on her well-being. So you did what you had to do, and hesitantly paged him.

He was inside the exam room within five minutes.

Unbeknownst to you, seeing your name on his pager spiked his heart rate. He hadn't truly spoken to his wife in what felt like forever and seeing that she needed him was a relief. This was finally his opportunity to talk to you.

“You paged me, Dr. Y/L/N?” He asked as he stepped inside.

“Yes actually, Dr. Wilson, could you check what that mass is on the left side of her abdomen?” You pointed toward where the mass was.

“May I?” He asked the patient, motioning towards her body to which she nodded.

Upon receiving the woman's permission, he proceeded to examine the mass. He assessed that there was a high likelihood of it being a tumor, but a biopsy should be scheduled to confirm the diagnosis and see whether it is cancerous or not.

You thank him and turn back to the lady. “You're free to go, ma'am. I'll schedule the biopsy and the hospital will call to let you know when it is.” You inform her as she leaves.

After she leaves the room, you tidy up and restore everything to its original state before attempting to turn toward the door when you feel a tug at your wrist.

“That's it?”

“Is what it? I thanked you for your assistance now I'm going to order the biopsy you mentioned. Did I do something wrong Dr. Wilson?”

“You realize we're alone right? You don't have to be so formal.” He replies, tone filled with something you couldn't put your finger on.

Before you had a chance to reply he continued, “Why haven't you been coming home?” This time you understood his tone, accusatory.

“I have been.”

“Oh that's right, you get home every day past midnight and leave before sunrise. So you're home about what? 4-5 hours?” He summarizes.

“What do you want me to say, James?” You sigh.

“I want you to talk to me! Talk to your husband. Let me in! Stop avoiding me Y/N!” He raises his hands in the air, exasperated.

“I'm not avoiding you, I've just been busy with work.” You reply, purposefully ignoring the first part of his statement.

“Believe me, we've all realized how much of a workaholic you are.” He rolled his eyes.

You both stayed silent for a moment before he spoke up, voice softer this time, “Honey I know losing the baby was hard but-”

You cut him off before he could finish the sentence. The sudden mention of your baby made you see red.

“Don't you dare mention my baby.” You spoke, voice sharper than a thousand knives.

“That was my baby too, Y/N! This loss has been difficult for me too!” He yelled back, making you flinch yet you didn't back down.

“Really? Because I don't recall you being there that appointment.” It was a low blow and you were aware of it. You didn't truly blame him but you were being put on the defensive and you were willing to say anything that would get him to drop the topic.

“That's not fair and you know it,” He shook his head in disbelief.

“What's not fair is that our child is gone, James. Gone.” You let out, voice shaking at the last word.

“I know sweetheart, I know.” He pulled you in and you let him, willingly giving into the embrace you'd missed so much. He held you with one arm while using the other hand to stroke up and down your back like he'd done many times before. The comforting touch, so familiar yet so longed for, enveloped you, evoking a profound sense of solace. In that fleeting moment, serenity washed over you, bringing a deep sense of peace, even if it was temporary.

“I don't deserve this.” You mumble into his chest.

He moves his hands to your shoulders, pushing you aside to get a better look at your face, “What do you mean?”

“I don't deserve your kindness. I killed our baby and here you are- comforting me.”

He looked at you dumbfounded. Like you had just said the most idiotic statement known to man. You were blaming yourself for this? He grabbed your chin, bringing your face up so you could look at him.

“Y/N, you know I never blamed you for any of this right?” He asked rhetorically. Knowing you wouldn't answer, he continued, “You didn't kill anyone. You're not responsible for what happened. It's not your fault. I need you to understand that.” He said firmly.

“I just feel so empty James, like a part of me is missing. A part that I'll never be able to get back- and I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.” You confess, eyes shutting in exhaustion.

He moves one hand to the back of your head, absentmindedly playing with your hair, soothing you while you speak.

“It feels like this emptiness is going to last forever and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with that Jamie.”

Oh, how he had missed hearing that nickname leaving your lips. It made him feel at home.

Perhaps things were slowly getting better.

“It's going to take time, but we’ll get through it Y/N. I promise. Let's just take it one day at a time, alright?”

You nodded, lips slightly quirking up.

“I'm sorry for pushing you away and avoiding you for two weeks.” You look down, embarrassed. “I also apologize for not being there for you. I know you've been dealing with this too and it wasn't right of me to abandon you in a time of need where I should've been by your side instead.”

“That’s okay,” he says drawing you in closer once more, wrapping his arms around you making you sway back and forth. “Just promise me that you'll come home with me tonight, so we can enjoy a nice and relaxing bath together.” He adds.

“Oh, I definitely promise that.” You reply, smirking at him before adding, “I love you.”

“And I love you, angel.”

[shadow4-1]

bro this MIGHT come off as the cringiest thing ever known to mankind but im probably the biggest game geek god has ever laid hands on so;

part time game developer!reader (or something like that anyways) was bored one day and decided to start to yk develop a game - in this au the cod games ovbi dont exist - but she makes a little demo of cod.. and when one day on base soap or some1 catches reader writing ideas and such (obviously not the actual missions they go on - that’s confidential) something in a note book he tells the others (more like gaz) and they get curious and bug reader until she tells them that she made a game demo including the 141…

and idk maybe she gives them the file so they can play it and they kinda like rate the things they say in the cutscenes or smth idk have fun with it

but yeah thats the idea thats been swarming through my mind for the past couple of days since i’ve found your account (WHICH I BTW LOVE i love how you portray all of the characters and shit)

byebye

Oh my gosh not cringe! This is such a cute idea!!! (Also thank you for the really cute gif! I love puppies :3)

I'm such a huge fan of weird meta stuff in my fanfictions. Like, the characters know but they don't know they're in a videogame? Haha, ngl I've had some thought about this too! Lemme add to your imagine real quick:

You spent all of your early adolescence learning how to code and make lil' games on your shitty old laptop. Now, with the more advanced tech the 141 had provided you, you take to making even more cool things during your (limited) free time.

The first game you felt confident enough to show off was a rough prototype of a fighting game. It only had two characters loosely based off of both Ghost and Soap. You showed it to Gaz as more of an offhanded joke, but he was excited. He too knew some things about game development and decided to help you out on the project.

It still wasn't a polished game, per se, but it was playable. Soap caught wind of your game and begged to try it out. With Gaz's help, you set up the firmware using an emulator and the jailbroken game console in the rec room. You felt so shy showing off something you did for fun.

And it was a huge hit!

Even with only two characters recruits and officer's alike spent hours playtesting and figuring out how to make combos. The room erupted into cheers when Soap figured out the first finishing move!

"Oi, Bonnie! I think you migh've made something really special here!"

[rosepetalkitty]

hi hey hello please read this its important info!!

about!!!

what is this? who am i?

hi hi hi!!! finally caved and made an nsfw/kink altblog. no i will not be linking this to my main blog even if u know me there. i doubt im ever gonna post anything thats just outright sexual here bc im acespec and not really into that stuff very much but like kink is such a fun topic so that'll come up a lot. also for the record, this is not a "men dni" page but i am generally sapphic.

call me Rose if you're subby or rosie if you want me to be ^-^ my pronouns are she/her, kit/kitty and ella (es.), i'm an 18y/o trans girl, and i've been diagnosed with adhd, autism and tourettes, among other things.

also, as of october 30th, 2024, i am a voice actress!!! my audios are posted on my reddit page!!! i don't do commissions (yet!) but im happy to take suggestions, so if you have an idea, shoot me an ask!!

and uhhh dunno what else i was gonna say. plspls send me asks i love the attention!!! i'll leave anons on until it becomes a problem~ anyways uh yeah! enjoy!

please read below the break for more information, especially if you plan on interacting with this blog!!

where you can reach me:

here, obviously, though tumblr dms are pretty bad. on the bright side this is like zero effort. you're on tumblr, im on tumblr, yay

simplex! you can click that link to add me, and if you don't have simplex it'll explain to you how to set it up, which is super duper easy. it's really really great privacy wise!! i would very much appreciate it if you send me a tumblr dm telling me your simplex display name so that i know who's who.

discord. my discord tag is the same as my url here. i do prefer simplex over discord though (mostly cuz i don't switch discord accounts on my phone bcuz it's a pain, and also bcuz of the privacy thing)

some links!

you can send me praise here!!!!

i write my stories on this neocities page now!

my cashapp is here!! it's essentially a virtual tip jar and if you appreciate my va work i would really really appreciate a tip, but please don't feel obligated to!

and here are some posts that are significant to me for one reason or another

this blog is a persona, a ranty short essay about identity, emotional freedom, masking and what it really means to know Me

my first real audio post!! oh my goddess this was so exciting!!!

on fear regarding human domestication guide, and on my hope to someday overcome it

regarding my roommate, myrrh

as of writing (2024-11-08), myrrh (murmur unless you have been given permission to use the prior! check baa pinned before interacting with bah!) and i are now comfortable interacting on tumblr. this is awesome because discussing kink as an interest is great and ba's my bestie, but i need to make this incredibly clear:

we are strictly platonic! we are not dating, we are not fwb, we do not do any kinky or sexual stuff together at all and never will. we chat about kink and sometimes make jokes about it at each other's expense, but we are friends who live together, not partners. do not insinuate otherwise, it makes both of us very uncomfortable.

An important note about dominance...

If you're exclusively a dom(me) you can skip this, otherwise I would appreciate it if you could at least skim it.

i do not like the expectation that i will be dominant at any given time, but I do enjoy showing some dominance sometimes, in some situations. I do enjoy being a brat, when I'm not already feeling really subby but want to be put in my place.

Hell, I do enjoy hypnotizing people. A lot, actually. I've been a hypnotist (in both a purely for fun way and occasionally a kink way depending on the person) for a relatively large number of people over the past several years, including in person for a handful of people, though much less so in the past year or so. I would love to make files for people to listen to, and I totally would if I had the creative energy and a private space to record (reminder that I live in a college dorm and have a roommate — they're awesome, but we don't have that kind of relationship and have zero intentions of changing that ever).

The problem is, I get burnt out very quickly if I force myself to be dominant when my brain isn't just doing it spontaneously. How do I know? In past relationships my partners saw me as a switch, and expected me to dominate them as much as they dominated me. I really can't do that. My dominance is as much within my control as my hyperfixations — I can make good use of it when it's there, but when it isn't there's nothing I can do to force it without causing myself lots of stress and burnout.

For that reason I'm not willing to be your domme or anyone else's. Instead of seeing me as a switch, please consider me a sub who can be dominant sometimes. I can't do it on demand, and I can't promise that I will be able to do it for any given person at any given time.

some notes for the page!

if ive tagged a post with #pull my trigger! then that means im ok with ppl playing with my brain in the notes!! otherwise, please just message me directly. im always okie with dms.

posts with #mean rosie on them have me teasing/messing with/bullying (in a /lh way) other people~ don't ask me to do this to you unless it's like a reblog responding to me doing that to you or smth. i don't usually enjoy showing dominance like that. sometimes im just the flavor of brat that likes to tease people. other times i do kinda feel a little bit dominant but. meh. even then ill pretty much always slip down into good girl mode on the spot if anyone shows any dominance towards me, usually even more so than i would normally.

posts tagged #angel rosie are ones that make me really happy~

#rosie rambles and #rosie rants go on serious/out of theme posts, with the latter being for emotionally heavy ones

#rosie speaks goes on all my audios~

plspls ask me about my triggers, my kinks, etcetc!!! i love getting told to answer questions >w<

dni list

any adult is free to view my page. minors, please leave. im serious. that said, there are certain things that will get you blocked from interacting with my page, so if your blog falls into any of these categories please kindly just look, don't touch.

agepl@y

transphobes, and anyone else who doesn't think trans women are women

s!ssy, crossdressing and detrans themed pages. i have nothing against you for liking that stuff, but it makes me really uncomfortable because of some past experiences. please dni.

blank blogs, no age in bio or pinned, blogs that seem to just be spam reblogging everything, etc. sometimes this is case by case — "18+" is usually not chill, but "20s" or "30s" usually is. if you have nothing at all that's a nope. having a pfp is important, by the way.

blogs that just spam ai generated pictures. im sure youre chill, but ai pictures take the humanity out of your blog and frankly just look bad. posting one here or there on an otherwise human blog is thin ice, but i care a little less when there's other content too, as long as your other content is good.

my kinks, my limits my triggers

obviously im very very into hypnosis, especially intelligence play (aka dumbification), especially especially when there are bimbo themes involved. im also into everything on this list (in no particular order), but its definitely not exhaustive because theres things ive never tried before. please try new things on me!

light/medium bondage

pet play (as a kitty or a bunny, totes open to others but those are ones i luv)

spanking and other light pain, including light scratching/marking

being groped

praise and degradation, especially when its condescending

gentle doms (not that other styles are bad, but gentle+manipulative+condescending+possessive is my favorite)

other people picking my clothes

physical affection (headpats, scritchies, cuddles, kisses)

medical play (very specifically anesthesia, limited interest in other parts of it)

gaslighting

exhibitionism (especially when im being shown off)

behavior modification (especially clicker training!)

edging and denial

i have a voice kink for certain types of voices. generally my favorites are deep femme voices with really soft tones that get sharp to add emphasis to certain words like "drop" or "now". i also sometimes like higher softer masc voices, but deep or rough masc voices make me uncomfortable most of the time. if you want me to give you examples of hypnotists on the internet whose files i like, please send an ask or dm me.

when im in control (especially when it's about my audios!!!), i love being told how i make you feel, what you think of me, etc, so go on, feed my ego ;)

sooo yeah!! next are my soft limits — things i don't necessarily love but can tolerate in an otherwise fun context. please ask before acting on these because i would generally prefer to avoid them.

hypno audios narrated by text to speech — most of them are just grating and i can't relax with them.

"brainwashing" files that are just someone saying the same thing over and over with no induction or deepener or triggers or anything to put me under. i need to be in trance before that stuff does anything.

"hypnosis audios" that have loud music, or where the script is turned into a song. i've heard it done well maybe once or twice, i've heard it done wrong a million times.

hypnosis content as long form videos, especially when i need to read text in the video. my eyes get exhausted from staring at a screen for too long. i really really prefer audio, and text is good too, but videos longer than a couple minutes are rough.

and finally, here are my hard limits. please don't bring these things up. full stop. these are non-negotiable.

everything on my dni list

the drugs haloperidol/haldol, lorazepam/ativan and promethazine/phenergan

heavy pain

blood, knives/sharps, heavy scratching/marking

being asked/"forced" (i can and will block you if you're pushy) to send pictures or videos. audio is a hard maybe and very much depends on dysphoria at that moment and vibes. but yeah pictures and videos are a no-go.

being sent dick pics. please don't. im not into that. other pics are probably fine as long as you're chill.

extended degradation with no praise (i start having genuine self image issues past a certain point - i like being degraded, having my behavior changed, and then being praised as a reinforcement mechanism)

intox play, especially alcohol and weed. it scares me because of some past experiences. this is specifically about being intoxicated in the traditional sense (drunk/high), so like for example being sedated is something im cool with (and actually love the idea of)

feeding kink stuff

and here are some of my hypnotic triggers, in no particular order

"brain goes bye bye" melts my brain and makes it really hard to think

"control goes bye bye" takes control of my brain and my body away so that i just do as im told

"memories go bye bye" makes it really hard to remember anything for a while, which mostly just shuts my brain off. these first three are all from Miss Lilith, i love her files~ <3

"sleep" and "drop" both put me under, to varying degrees of success. might take multiple uses to really take me down deep, and really everything works better with a snap

"good girl" makes me happy and a tiny bit more obedient

"look here", "listen" and "focus" draw in my attention and make it hard to look away from/ignore whatever is being shown/said to me. they also usually make me more suggestible.

"lightning" makes me feel weak and dazed and when im like that "thunder" puts me under and gets me really floaty and fuzzy

"submit and obey" makes me obedient and super duper suggestible

i have a lot more, im just not remembering them all right now. theres probably dozens in my brain from all the files ive conditioned myself with over the years

[kadextra]

so on a whim I started reading omniscient reader’s viewpoint manhwa

..and got hooked on the story so hard that I easily blasted through all available eps in less than a week. istg they put dr*gs in this thing it’s so good???? 😭

[SPOILER WARNING! big ramble ahead. if you’ve never read it, leave this post. consider checking it out you won’t be able to put it down]

lets get this out of the way first.

RAHHHHHH KIM DOKJA….. KIM DOKJA I LOVE YOU

GUYSSSSS 🥺 LISTEN. HE’S SUCH A GOOD PROTAGONIST. MY TRAUMA BOY. MY DUDE WITH THE POWER TO INFODUMP PEOPLE TO DEATH. YOU SELF-SACRIFICING IDIOT. his cunning intelligence makes him super attractive what can I say, I LOVE smart mcs with ambiguous morality and self sacrificial nature

here’s a big ✨shut your mouth✨ to every character who’s said he’s ugly- get your eyes checked, get a job get away from him (I know it’s because of the fourth wall’s filter it’s not their fault I’m just being silly)

the fourth wall is such a cool power to have. the complexity of how it acts based on his perception of fiction vs reality as the reader …. that’s very interesting and well thought out!!! how it lowkey has a consciousness too and it’s so tied into his mental state makes me want to psychoanalyze this guy even more. probably one of the most unique powers I’ve seen created and explored in a story tbh

I think the entire system of how the world works is really well done in general. constellations watching the apocalyptic bloodbath via livestream and sending donos to their favorite little guys shouldn’t work as well as it does and cracks me up so much 😭 (uriel is the best). I enjoy learning about all the irl different fables, history & mythologies too. plus doing my own research is fun! I did a deep dive through the web to learn about dokkaebi folklore lol I’m having a good time

I also related hard to how dokja read TWSA throughout his life, the story was a companion for him. got choked up bc I reflected on how much my own favorite companion stories for years mean to me. there’s been situations I’ve thought “what would (character) do?” dokja saying stuff like “what would joonghyuk do?” felt like I got called out <3 I’d probably be the same as him if my favorite characters suddenly came to life

anyways yeah I caught up with the manhwa looked online and discovered it comes from an already completed novel with over 500 chapters and the manhwa is barely a third into adapting it though it’s been releasing every week for 4 years. and that it’ll take like 10 more years to finish. I then planted my face in my hands and screamed with despair

I’ll shrivel up waiting to see what happens……………heyyy woahhhh.. whats this light of salvation ? the novel file just completed download on my phone ? that’s crazyy wow I opened it ? im scrolling it right now ? omg I’m telling myself in the mirror “pace yourself, try to space your reading out do NOT read too fast” ?

jokes aside im excited, first I’ll take some time to read back through the earlier chapters for extra context of scenes! >:D after I finish doing that…. pls pray for my self-control to try stretching this for as long as possible. I’m pumped to see what happens next with this demon king part so maybe I’ll read along with the manhwa unless I get too impatient heh

to conclude- I had no idea the fandom of orv was so passionate. while closing my eyes to spoilers, I was looking at beautiful fanart and animatics (watched this one and ascended that’s one of my fav rin songs). I can tell how much you guys love the story, there’s always going to be people like me who get interested so keep it up :D if the fandom does end up reading this, ummm *knocks on the door* hi im new

I will likely talk about it more in the future!! tagging under “#kade reads orv” ! might draw fanart on my art blog too bc brainworms <3 happy reading everyone

[samarecharm]

geniunely not trying to put words in ur mouth im geniunely asking: what do you actually like about persona 5? from all ur rants im just wondering why you didnt drop the game bc it seems (again, im not trying to put words in ur mouth) that it simply not for you? i geniunely have not felt any of the issues you bring up outside of the writing ones and i cannot tell if i'm just easily pleased and not good at discerning what a good game is or we simply have dif things we enjoy in a video game. i hate getting tone across text but im asking out of geniune curiosity im not trying to attack your opinion (;-;)

Nah, i dont feel like ur attacking me, and I hope u dont feel the same when u see my complaints! Lmao. In my defense, I am replaying the game for the first time after completing my first file back in 2020, so alot of the faults i kinda shrugged off in my first playthrough are now glaringly in my face now that I no longer have the confusion and interest in learning the main story to keep me occupied. The game is clunky all the way through, and at some times, even frustratingly so.

But despite that, i do like this game. Alot! Its probably one of my top games ever if im being honest!

This ended up way longer than I intended, so im putting it under a readmore to keep the post short on dashboards

If i had to describe what I liked about the game in the simplest way imaginable…I think I would say, I like how the game makes me feel :) I like the music. I like the vibe. I like the immersion from city to city, and I like the premise! I like the characters and I like the connections you make with these characters! As im replaying this game, i am most excited to see Akira and his comments about the world :) i like hearing everyones voices, I like their little interactions in Mementos, and I like seeing them fight!

P5 is the first game I played in the series; its the game that introduced me to SMT in the first place! And it (smt) is a series that my longtime best friend LOVES and never thought hed be able to share with me! It is a game i keep very near to my heart; it has influenced me in ways i did not think would happen in the short couple of years since i first finished it. It genuinely keeps me awake some nights thinking about the world this game has created, and I think that is a testament to the impact its had, be it good or bad.

The joke about wishing theyd make a persona game that was Good is that despite all of its numerous flaws, the games manage to snatch your attention and pull you in anyway. Imagine if they made a game that had all of those things that i mentioned I loved, but done Right and executed Properly?? Where I got to have a story that made sense and didnt need to be spoonfed to me (in like an HOUR of dialogue and scenes; an HOUR!), and characters that talked and bonded beyond the tiny snippets of interaction theyre allowed to have in mementos? Combat that let me use PERSONAS i liked instead of BUILDS that stop me from getting instakilled throughout the entirety of the endgame, and a Persona building mechanic that didnt feel like I was shooting in the dark looking for possible fusions that end up not even being useful in the endgame.

Ive mentioned it before, but I complain so much bc I have seen what a good p5 game looks like, and its Strikers almost to a T. Combat is still your typical warriors-esque style combat, but it is at least different from the turn based strategy of the main game. Characters talk to each other freely, they hang out and comfort each other in a way that feels more connected that the base game. Strikers implements the ability to see ALL possible fusions with ALL registered personas, not just the ones in your Stock, so you can fuse easily without having yo consult a guide. The story feels like it makes SENSE with antagonists that feel morally grey and sympathetic. Genuinely, alot of the complaints for p5 I had were almost immediately rectified in this game.

But please also know that the praises I sing for this game is only bc of the groundwork laid by p5 and the world it created. Thats what I like about this game, that it had such a captivating premise and cast of characters, that a DIFFERENT company was able to hit the ground running with them. P5 had alot happening in that game, but i think what it had most was potential. The effort put into this game is astronomical, and the possible connections you can outright MISS if u arent paying attention was worth the money and time to implement; even if it meant that it could be considered a waste of resources to higher ups.

Books and games and part time jobs???!! Silly little cutscenes that add nothing to the game PLOTwise, but define and flesh out the personality of your protagonist. There was alot of love put into this game, and its evident by the fact that we have NOT seen a new persona game released; they bank on existing titles bc they are unwilling to make a game like this from scratch again. They dont want to ‘waste’ resources on good voice acting and a complex, overarching story; they dont want to waste money on scenes a player may never see, on routes a player may never get to experience. Making a game that gives u even the slightest bit of freedom means more money in programming and detailing that freedom. This has been an issue for a WHILE, and its a miracle that the gaming landscape had space for a colossal title like p5!

I complain bc I want better, and I do not think that is inherently at odds with my love of this game. In b4 im told to get good; ive played on hard and tested out merciless (its NOT fun, im making godbuilds again and its boring 😞). Its not the most accessible turnbased rpg; theres no colorblind modes, and the affinity system is convoluted and overwhelming. Combo moves are hard to keep track of and it can be incredibly frustrating to see your turns being skipped or seeing characters take extreme technical damage without understanding WHY it happened. The fact that they KNEW the game was desperate for qol improvements by the time royal came out, and instead of updating the base game to have those improvements too, they just pushed the royal edition out for people to play instead. It sucks! Customers and fans deserve better than being forced to shell out money for a game they already played !

As the gaming climate gets more and more hostile and unbearable, I think it is good to look at your games critically, and understand why products come out subpar. Persona 5 is a fun game that has a nice cast and an interesting premise, but it is ultimately tied down by its refusal to build on existing building blocks regarding its combat, and it insists on having insulting and downright out of character dialogue and scenes to appease the audience its designed to be targeted to. It is easy to forget sometimes that queer ppl are infact NOT the prime target of these games, its cishet gamer bros from aged 16 to 40 who will laugh at homophobic comments, who drool over a 16 yr old girl with a 16 yr old mindset and a grown womans body, who need to be placated with constant sexual comments to deal with a convoluted story that will inevitably make zero sense until its laid out for you before the literal end of the game.

Its bad. Its good. Its so shallow and its unbelievable that they thought having the plot twist make ZERO sense until they showed CUTSCENES of YOUR character discussing Goro and his connections to the metaverse for endgame SHOCK VALUE was more important than just having your team be smart and piece it together over time. Its shit. Its literally amazing. It let you FUCK your teacher ??????????????what the FUCK. They also let me shoot a god in the face w the best looking ult persona in the world so i can ignore that shit. And ultimately that is how i got through the game. Lol.

[mouldymp3rotations]

0824-011

Part IV of my 20th anniversary series !

Part I Part II Part III

This post was brought to you by Node of Scherzo before Versailles even was a thing :D I was really, really excited when Versailles happened, and even more when they teamed up with Kaya and Juka to make Node of Scherzo. Here's why lol (ok there are no Juka songs here but eeeeeh)

As usual : Song titles link to individual mp3 file download

All 5 songs can also be downloaded together, in a zip file, from the link at the bottom

藍華柳~aikaryu - すすめ!パイレーツ (susume! pirates)

Aikaryu being Teru's band before Versailles :)

Another iconic piece from Aikaryu, probably their best, imo, that still makes me wish their van never crashed (but then again, if that didn't happen, maybe Teru and Hizaki wouldn't have started working together, and they do riff well together aaah...)

Susume! Pirates was on the mini-album 海賊盤~Aye.藍.sir~ (kaizokuban~aye. ai. sir~ more puns from our buddy aikaryu uhuhuh), released in 2004.

aaah, indie goodness ♥

HIZAKI - Ritual (featuring fu-ki from BLOOD)

... Well Hizaki was also Hizaki before versailles, I suppose. His solo career is pretty solid, though ! I was already vaguely aware of BLOOD at the time, and this song convinced me to look further into it :)

This version of Ritual was on Maiden†Ritual, released in 2004 (it was somewhat self-covered under HIZAKI grace project and sung by Juka a few years later, but Juka's falsetto is so bad you might as well stick to the fuki version ahahhaah)

LAREINE - Scarlet Majesty

Lareine being one of Kamijo's bands before versailles, if I even needed to introduce him...

Now this was one of the first Lareine song I heard, I don't remember what was the very first, but this one was the one that made me love Lareine :3 And it's another one of these songs I didn't realized was so new, at the time... (but also, in my head, somehow, lareine disbanded in 2001 LOL)

Scarlet Majesty was a single released in 2003.

Malice Mizer - au revoir

The thing is, I thought that malice would suit the mood better than m10m (but then again here's Schwarz Stein at the end lmao), especially right after Lareine, AND once you've heard one m10m song, you've pretty much heard it all (there's one in the 1st post of the series ;) ), BUT that statement isn't true about Malice. I've done Klaha era, now here's Gackt lolz. (also Juka wouldn't be Juka without a good Gackt base, so eh...) (also, also : i'm pretty sure that at least Közi showed up to a node of scherzo event, back then, iirc)

Also, ngl, I chose between this, Le Ciel, and Bel Air, and I'm not sure how I elected au revoir... It might just be that Mana's flower costume is my fave of all time ♥

Au revoir was a single released in 1997.

(enjoy this non-crunchy clip omfgoth im always emotional when I actually see it and I dont have to guess what the pixels mean T^T)

Schwarz Stein - Rise to Heaven

Schwarz Stein being Kaya's band bef... WELL. They were active from 2001 to 2004, and have been semi active since 2011. Kaya started his solo career in the meantime, partaking in several side projects, including Node of Scherzo. (And Hora spent his time buying shoes and living (?) in Hawaii, I guess...)

IT'S THE FIRST SCHWARZ STEIN SONG I EVER HEARD !!! At the time, this, queen of decadence and fester love was all I could find on lime wire lol. And it stayed like that until a parental unit gifted me a legit copy of New Vogue Children (there were a lot of "miya records" copies circling on ebay, back then). So anyway, I heard that and I fell in love and it's been 20 years and counting :D

Rise to Heaven was on the album New Vogue Children, released in 2003

Bonus because it was already uploaded in mega :

Node of Scherzo, featuring Teru, Hizaki, Juka, Kamijo, and Kaya here, and among others

Node of Scherzo was a series of concert put up together by versailles, Kaya, and Juka, in 2007. They basically created a musical based on beauty (lol) involving a love triangle and songs from Versailles, Hizaki grace project, and Kaya's solo career. After the released of Carmilla, it became a vampire story as well.

NoS also paved the way for the monstrosity that is JVM Roses Blood Symphony lol

.zip file downloadable HERE~

[enamation]

Hello, I just came across your blog and I love your work!

So I had this idea for a little while now.. There is this criminal minds audio right now that’s trending; it goes like “How old are you? 29? I’m 30. - We missed your birthday? Why didn’t you tell us?” So I was wondering if you could write an Akito x reader for that scenario. The reader turned sixteen/seventeen and akito & the rest of vbs didn’t know.

Anyway, sorry if it seems confusing, and have fun!

Hi love !! Thank you so much, that means alot !! I actually had to look up the audio 😭 from what im seeing whoever plays the woman forgot the birthday of the other, so I really had to think about how'd I do this, but im hoping its atleast somewhat accurate to what you'd like 🙏 if it isnt, let me know and ill rewrite it !!

(4/17/2023): This has been in my drafts the utmost longest (4 months) because I didn't know how to start it, my sincerest apologies . . .)

Type: Short Story

Warnings: Uhhh not any im aware of !! VBS is explicitly implied to be 17 .

❥ AKITO SHINONOME x Reader: Sixteen

ft. Toya, An, and Kohane / Vivid BAD SQUAD

You had been dating Akito for a while now. After being close friends since elementary school, it was only a matter of time before romantic feelings were felt for the other.

The both of you almost knew everything about the other, schedules, practice dates, birthdays, and so much more.

Whenever Akito had a performance coming up, he tended to forget alot of important dates, but out of all dates he could've forgotten, why this one?

story continues utc ♡

It was a little hard for Akito to explain to you VBS' 'sekai'. A world created by feelings? A world with pieces of all 4 of you connected? What do you mean virtual singers can be found there?

Once you finally were able to put atleast some of what he was saying together ( you have no clue what's going on ), he asked if you'd like to visit.

Today is that day.

"You ready, [Name]? It's a little confusing when you first go, but I promise you'll like it" Akito shot you an awkward smile. You responded with a quiet chuckle and said "Im ready! I can't wait to meet Hatsune Miku and Ka..Kaga.."

"Kagamine Rin and Len."

"Thats what I said. I am really excited to meet all of them either way. Let's go!"

Akito double-clicked on a computer file, and the room flashed white. You closed your eyes instinctively and you soon felt so light. When you opened your eyes, you saw a beautiful café, a short haired brunette, and the rest of Vivid Bad Squad sitting and talking with her.

She turned to look at you and Akito, and gave you a warm smile and walked over to say hello.

"Ah, you must be [Name]! It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Welcome to our sekai. My name is MEIKO."

You paused for a moment, eyeing her. She didn't seem mean, and she did resemble and sound like Meiko..

"Nice to meet you as well. Is this your cafe? It smells great."

Akito smiled happily watching you and MEIKO walk towards the café, soon joining his band mates and meeting the other VIRTUAL SINGERS.

One by one, as MIKU, RIN, LEN, KAITO, and LUKA gathered to come say hi. At some point, the conversation had switched over to childhood memories, and LUKA had asked how old you were.

You opened your mouth to answer, but Akito was far quicker than you were.

"[Name]'s sixteen. They're only a few months younger than me and-"

"I'm seventeen."

The room went silent for a few moments, Everyone looking at you and Akito with wide eyes, and you felt a lump in your throat.

An was the first to pipe up, "We missed your birthday? Why didn't you tell us?"

"I did. I texted the groupchat that day." You messed with a hangnail. "I guess you all had ignored the birthday cake next to my contact name or the many pictures I took on my birthday. But you guys did also have a performance on my birthday, so you didn't have much of a chance to see me."

You looked up to glance at everyone. Akito looked away guiltily, Toya and Kohane looked worried, and An was surprised. RIN, LEN, and KAITO looked angry. MEIKO had frozen up, her hand hovering over the on button for the coffee maker while LUKA looked slightly confused. MIKU looked at the 4 of them, disappointed. When she locked eyes with you, she gave you an apologetic look.

Unable to handle the silence and embarrassment you felt, you quickly grabbed your phone and left the sekai, feeling the tears and watching your vision get blurry.

The next day, you woke up to knocks on your door. When you opened it, Akito and the rest of VBS were holding multiple presents as their eyes lit up when they heard the door unlocking.

Akito started, "Hey, [Name]. About yesterday, We felt incredibly bad for missing out on your whole birthday solely because we had people to perform for. I know it might be a little late for all this, but we got you late birthday presents and food."

Kohane added on, "Akito's right. We had all planned gifts for you in advance to your birthday, but we all know how that went." Toya spoke up as well, "Mhm. We truly hope you can forgive us, and we can make it up to you in this way." An swayed side to side slowly before speaking up, "Even if you dont forgive us, atleast take the gifts? You truly deserve them."

You couldn't help but feel a little giddy as you forgave them all and pulled all of them in for a hug. You let them inside and the rest of the day was filled with happiness, gifts, and pancakes. ( Thank Akito. )

This is the best ( really late ) birthday you've ever had.

[moonsidesong]

just caught up with Your Turn To Die and absolutely adored it the whole way through. it goes unbelievably hard. calling it Danganronpa But Good feels like an insult. but like... yeah what if danganronpa was good? or rather. game that makes me wish danganronpa was good.

it really keeps you on your toes the Entire time, which is why i ended up saving like......... every five to ten minutes, most times. i would say the only slower part is the minigames during chapter 2? but, i thought those were fun, and they were still broken up by plot important stuff, so i really didnt mind.

ive heard the game had a soundtrack release on CD a few years ago, but i cant seem to find much information about it? much less any resell listings. how sad... i love cd...

i wanna talk more in depth from here on out so spoilers under the cut! warning thoughts very disjointed. and i havent seen absolutely Everything the game has to offer yet (havent done any of the side stories, we'll do them soon probably) so if my takes are disproven by anything ive yet to see please do not tell me htank you

first off OHHH MY GODDDD THIS GAME IS SO MUCH LESS CREEPY ABOUT THE MINORS AND ITS SUCH A BREATH OF FRESH AIR COMPARED TO DANGANRONPA. its not perfect, of course, i do not entirely love the jokes(???) about keiji (known grown adult man) going on dates with sara (known teenage girl), but like, this game does not make me feel gross all the time? thank u nankidai for not making your teacher character with a close relationship with one of his former students a groomer! the bare minimum! im gonna hit kodaka with a stick this should not be a point in the game's favor.

anyway! ended chapter 2 with Reko and Sou (shin) alive, ended chapter 3 having lost Reko .. . :( shes my favorite... i was so sad... ranmaru we're not friends anymore/.... you suck... you killed my best girl... we um, did make a grand total of 175 save files though, so at some point me and the friend i played with are gonna go back and scrub through anything and everything that we missed. maybe after we do the side stories though, not sure yet. reko yabusame i swear to god i will crawl into the screen and kill ranmaru myself for you. i will save you. i love you so much mwah

for years ive only known midori as The Guy That Kids On Danganronpa Discourse Instagram Put Overdramatic Yet Also Somehow Extremely Haphazard Trigger Warnings on every post that included him, so i was really excited to meet him. and boy he did not disappoint this guys NUTS!!! HES CRAZAY!!!!!!!! he has such a perfectly striking look about him. i love how he almost never stops looking straight at you, and how his suit is stark black so it obscures a lot of his shape when he's in the dark, its so cool. they absolutely nailed the atmosphere whenever you're around this guy.

but the first jumpscare when he like reaches out at you from the coffin just kinda made me laugh. me when i get you

also, if you're this far in to care about my opinions on games you probably know that i am Known Danganronpa V3 Hater. i think in particular Kokichi Ouma is way too good of a character for how dogwater the game's actual plot is, and Shin Tsukimi, while not being the same, obviously, scratches that itch of a guy trapped in a death game that spends all his time lying and living under a persona because he's afraid of dying perfectly While Being In A Game That Doesnt Make Me Feel Like Eating Sheet Metal . i love this dude and his ugly several clashing colors outfit. he wants my ass like mega dead right now but thats not important surely

also, i think its sweet that joe and sara are just best friends and they rarely ever even entertain the idea that they had romantic feelings for each other. i think its extra sweet and tragic that joe was able to tell sara he loved her in the end, meaning it as his best friend. and the way the game completely ceases showing you flashbacks of him after that point and just lets the image of the hallucinations replace his actual memory overtime is so good and haunting. this doubled down by the way her memory of him is completely locked up as soon as she starts trying to actually remember the way he really was, its so good.

i think thats all i have to say for now, but umm!!! really really good im excited to go back and fill in the gaps i missed. especially regarding kanna becasue i have a lot of theories about her that i hope im on the right track about #lol. but even if i dont i want to see her i miss her. yaay!!! i love when video games are good. i love you video games.

ill probably make more posts down the line with more thoughts after i let them marinade in my brain for a while... mostly when i have thoughts ive been sending them to the friend im playing with so we can discuss theories together LOL

[hyunnows]

WHO YOU GONNA CALL? | TAPE #1

A series of tapes describing Namjoon's life since joining the Supernatural Investigation Unit.

PAIRING(S) | Namjoon x reader

THEMES | cop!au, x-files!au, ghostbusters!au, cop!Namjoon, cop!reader, youtuber!Seokjin, youtuber!Taehyung, ghosts, conspiracies, cryptids, the paranormal, and the supernatural are main subjects

WORD COUNT | 1.1k+

RATING | pg

NOTE | im so excited for this series im ngl--not sure how frequently i will be updating yet but i think once every two or three weeks? I dont want to take it too seriously (especially since it will probably flop) but oh well... also i know i should have posted this before halloween but it would be too close to the release of 'a love so beautiful' and i want to try to release fics consistently again so i have to keep these a bit spaced out. any this was a new style of writing for me, so i really hope you all enjoy this <3 if you would like to join the taglist, feel free to rb, or reply letting me know--or you can check out my taglist form as well <3333 have a great day/night!

Series M.list | Navigation | Taglist

“So how did it all begin?” A man in a dark suit looms over the metal table, his words echoing off the brick walls and two-way mirror as he adjusts the large camera.

A more timid man sweats under his stare, looking into the camera’s lens awkwardly. “Well, it was the day of my promotion,”

“You’re going to kill this interview,” the brunet mumbles to himself, fixing his tie for the third time. “You’re going to do great and get promoted. Then you’ll finally be a detective.”

He huffs as his tie becomes undone, reaching for one of his clip-ons instead before putting it back down. “You have plenty of time Namjoon, you can correctly fix your tie. A real detective wears real ties.”

He stares in the mirror, continuing to prepare himself. “I’m going to ace this interview. They’re going to like me, I’m going to be likable. Calm, put together, and ambitious—but not too ambitious, I’m going to be grateful for the opportunity. I’m going to get the position, and make mom and dad proud.”

“At least, I thought it was a promotion,” Namjoon almost sulks, arms crossing at the memory. 

“This isn’t a promotion interview, Officer Kim. You’re being transferred to the Supernatural Investigation Unit,” Chief Yoon sighs, leaning forward. “I’m sorry to have misled you.”

“The Supernatural Investigation Unit?” The suited man repeats, leaning toward Namjoon.

“Yeah, everyone called it the X-Files though, like the show.”

“Continue.”

“The thing is, we don’t really have the budget to keep the X-files up, but we don’t have enough to take them down either. I need you to debunk the work going on in there, so we can submit a legit request to get the unit removed.” Mr. Yoon’s voice rumbles out, the crinkles by his eyes appearing as he looks at Namjoon with a serious look. “Listen, if you get our evidence, and I’ll get you a promotion, deal?”

“Obviously I wanted the promotion, so I agreed.”

“Is that the only reason you were chosen to fulfill this job?” the interviewer asks, the same monotone voice filling the room.

“I wish, but it was because of my past,” Namjoon sighs, “I used to be really into ghosts. I wrote reports on it, took video evidence, documented everything so that I could find proof about them. Back then, I also had a YouTube channel with my friend–we were pretty popular at the time. Anyway, I ended up writing a book on it before deciding to leave it all behind to become a serious detective.”

“And are you a detective now?”

“No, look at me,” he gestures to the modified hazmat suit draped across his figure. “How many detectives do you know that wear ghost gear and thermal goggles?”

The interviewer looks at him, unamused and urgent for him to continue his retelling.

“I look up our old stuff and see that new copies of my book are for sale, and that the channel is still up and running–both with my name still on them. So I decided to track down my friend and have a chat with him.”

“Yah! I’m getting the door, stop nagging at me!” Namjoon taps his foot impatiently, hearing the all too familiar voice approach the door. “How can I help–Namjoon? What are you doing here?”

“Hey Jin, I was hoping I could talk to you about the book and the old channel.”

The older man nods his head in recognition, opening the door to allow the taller male in. “Have you seen how well they’re doing? The book is selling pretty well and the channel is blowing up pretty quickly these days,” he says, too enthusiastic for Namjoon’s liking.

“That’s actually my problem,” Namjoon starts, dodging all the odd equipment and supplies scattered around Seokjin’s floor. “I’m sorry, what is going on here?”

Seokjin motions for Namjoon to follow, walking into the nearest door to the left. Upon entering, the cop is met with a makeshift lab filled with beakers, random devices, steam, and many other chemicals Namjoon can’t imagine to be safe. Not to mention one slightly tidier corner of the room with a camera facing a small desk, a corkboard up behind him. Namjoon immediately recognizes the set-up. “This is where we’ve been operating from recently.”

“We?”

“Oh, right. I have a new partner, give me one second,” Jin sticks his head out of the room, inhaling a large breath and bellowing, “Taehyung!”

“Stop yelling!” A younger guy grunts as he enters the messy room.

Seokjin grins, “This is Taehyung, mechanical genius, and my partner.” Taehyung gives a small smile and wave, removing Jin’s arm from his shoulder with a shrug. “Back on track though, what’s going on, why are you here?”

“I need you to erase me from those videos–take them down, even. If you really need to keep them, private them. The book too, I want my name off of it. They’re ruining my life, they’re–”

“Haunting you?”

“Really?” Namjoon groans, a dour expression on his face at the attempt to joke. 

“We argued for a bit, and he refused and pried until he found out about my transfer. That didn’t make anything better for me.”

“How so?”

“Instead of understanding where I was coming from, he just kept telling me how ‘this was my chance to live my dream’.” He deflates a bit. “When we were kids, everyone made fun of us for being the ‘ghost kids’. Even our teachers, parents, and everyone thought we were crazy. I remember my mom telling me how she wanted me to be normal so bad.”

“I take it you come from a not-very-accepting neighborhood?”

“Not at all. Those people didn’t like anything abnormal in the slightest. You should have seen how happy everyone was when we left for college,” Namjoon laughs dryly. “It was really messed up for some dorks like us growing up.”

Namjoon straightens himself in the uncomfortable metal chair. “We both wound up going to college together, I took criminology, profiling, and forensics. He took a medical path, with a few courses in human behavior and psych, I think. We were in a robotics club in high school and took engineering for a bit before dropping the class.”

“During college, we still made our videos and stuff. We made the book then too, 300 pages of paranormal bullcrap we put together over a few years. Because of our educations, we considered ourselves to be a pretty credible source for the paranormal.”

“Why did you stop?”

“I got tired of being seen as a joke. I wanted to be important,” his face is void of any emotion as he recalls the day he told Seokjin he would be leaving for the police academy and packed up his things. “So, I joined the police force. I did a few years as a mall cop, then started getting assigned more important cases and assignments slowly. Then one day, I was getting ready to be Scully to somebody’s Mulder.”

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[colorfullyminded]

Here's your excuse to rant about pinescone

Okay-- Okay, this is so ahhh. It's silly but listen!

I was playing Horrified with my family, and I love board games-- so i can totally imagine Dipper and Wirt being into board games-- and Dipper is always pulling out this gameTrying to be all charming and cute and like "Wirttttt- let's play this one" And Wirt usually doesn't mind, but just Dipper being so into this game even though he's probably actually met some of these in real life monsters himself. Though sometimes Wirt fights him on which game to play-- and it's not like in a "No, I'm tired of playing this game Dipper, I wanna play something else" The reason he fights Dipper over this game is because he wants to play this version (the original version)

Because horror movie monsters and book related monsters are Wirt's bread and butter so these two are arguing over which version to play until the next game comes out

And both of them just kind of look at each other like >.> <.< It's the best of both worlds! ....though they do still argue over which version to play sometimes, though if they can't compromise-- Greek Monsters usually is the happy medium and it's a coop game so they're working together and trying different strats, and when they win they get all dorky, and sappy, and mushy (Board games surpisingly bring out a lot of passion)

Anyway, I needed to ramble a little because I have all three games XD

And it's very fun, and this feels so much like Dipper and Wirt's cup of tea and I love the concept of them playing board games together cause you know they do DDMD. Lately, when I've been playing games, I start imagining how Dipper or Wirt would exist in the world-- or what character would they play as-- what weapons/style/class would they pick. Im playing Elden Ring right now with the though of making two separate files that would be based on Wirt and Dipper. Like I just love these two nerds playing games together-- board games or video games. They each have their own favorite genres that the other doesn't like-- but they also do have a lot of similar taste; and sometimes they'll play something their partner really likes because they love their boyfriend and want to make each other happy! They love each other so much! I'm so fucking feral for this goddamn crossover ship--why?! XD

((...That doesn't mean they can't be little shits though.

Lol, imagining Dipper not putting out for Wirt after because they didn't play the one Horrified he wanted to instead, like the little petty bitch he is Wirt: But we won, we always celebrate after a win Dipper: Yeah I know-- I just--- I don't know. I would have felt more excited if we had been stopping Bigfoot-- Wirt is, of course, not going to let his brat get away with this. ))

Anyway, I just-- valentine's day made me want to write more ideas of them playing games together, but I don't know how fun it would be to write characters playing this board/video game in a fic. So to the headcanon pile they go. If I could draw, it probably be easier to draw little sketches of them in the world of the game/their character designs. There are so many dumb little things I think about on a daily with these two.

[casually-slips-into-coma]

spoilers for iwtv s2e3!!!

thoughts on the ep:

daniel trying to piece together all the weird shit and what happened in sf👀👀

i wanna know too

love that daniel was like i dont want my fish to twitch so the chef just chopped its head off lol

raglan and the talamasca wowowow

didnt think theyd introduce that so soon

daniel literally like🤨 the whole interaction

louis in bed,, welcome back sleeping beauty

love that armand bobs up and down a little while he floats

lestat basically going “boo!” with the cross

“the sad man with nails in his hands”

armand and lestat both moaning when they drink from each other

armand going “i love u🥹” and lestat going “uh..ditto🙂”

the angry nicki violin music while armand and lestat fuck and then a HARD cut to daniel like😐

louis is stressing me out with how bad he is at lying and how he cant keep any of their fake backstory details straight

armand just letting himself into their apartment

claudias american accent when she says matre is really cute

estelle sneezing during santiagos preformance lol

the theater uses rats to get rid of the bodies???🤢

love how stressed the stage hand is all the time

“these rats are smart😟”

god i LOVE how flirty louis is

jacob and assad have insane chemistry

that little walk along the river and then louis getting all close to armand before walking away🤌

the whole scene of daniel trying to lie to them after getting all the talamasca files was great esp jacobs expressions

claudia looking up to santiago im sickkkkk

love the cafe convo louis is having with armand about god and evil. its nice to see them talking about something outside of vampirism or their relationship

them just eyefucking each other while smoking cigarettes and talking telepathically

when dreamstat pats himself on the back for one of the lines in the song “thats quite good, yes”

dreamstat 18th cent armand line is confusing me bc wtf is he talking about if at this point louis doesnt really know shit about armands past with him

“i killed him and he fucking had it coming” yes the fuck he did louis!!

the camera work is crazy also the “i told u i loved u” line

louis really made a fucking scene during his date just to go fake make out with his dead husbands ghost 🙄

louis looking sad and nodding when dreamstat tells him hes still the only one louis trusts :((

his panic attack while in the photo room + when hes slamming dreamstats head into the wall…..jacob anderson i will personally get u that emmy

claudias SA was so much worse than i thought and i genuinely had a hard time hearing about it. he kept her under floorboards?

the old picture of the theater all burned👀

louis in the audience smiling when claudia goes on stage🥲

claudia is SO excited about joining im gonna kms

her face when she realizes shes gonna play a little girl :((((((((

louis accepting death and telling armand to take care of claudia

very much seeing what that one article was saying about loumand having a tender love story

armands voice breaking a little talking about lestat

loumand kiss finally

tbh a really fucking great kiss. again, they have crazy chemistry

anyway fuck yall i really liked this episode even tho there was A LOT going on

[ectopuppy]

which ben 10 series do u like best??!! im a sucker for the original series bc of nostalgia personally, but they are all good in their own ways

this is an impossible question to answer so im just gonna talk about why i love each series im sorry and thank you anon for gifting me this opportunity to ramble about The Hyperfixation (tm) o7

This is going under a cut btw. It's a little under 3000 words of unedited thoughts so like, just a heads up lmao

Why is the Original Series Good?

So first! Before I get into it! I overall just fucking love Ben 10 conceptually in general! I've always loved aliens and sci-fi and superheroes so you can imagine how excited I was to stumble onto this show airing on teletoon when I was just a tiny Kiki.

The OS has a lot going for it, but the big one is, of course, the nostalgia factor. Iconic as fuck! Fun theme song! Max is there! Yay!!

The BEST character in the OS is Max and I WILL die on that hill. Even as a kid I fucking loved him. Ben and Gwen are fun characters, but Max is the much needed reprieve from them constantly bickering. (Which is one thing I'm glad there's a lot less of in later series.)

Ben is a compelling hero, and the OS is an amazing START POINT for him. While he does have character growth in the OS, I would not be THIS obsessed with him if the OS was the only Ben 10 media that existed. He's a kid. A bit of a brat, but always TRYING to do the right thing. Which he's not always great at considering he's, you know, 10, but he really does try.

Something a lot of people seem to brush past when talking about Ben is that at the beginning of the series he was actively friendless and being bullied at school. I feel like that's a huge factor in why the Omnitrix is so important to his identity in later series. (or even in the Xylene episode when he finds out the Omnitrix was supposed to be for Max) He really didn't have much going for him before that. Being a hero is very likely one of the first times he's felt like he belongs somewhere, you know? Anyway..

Gwen is also very fun in the OS. UAF filed down her teeth just a little too much in my opinion. A lot of her personality in the OS is her THINKING she's sooo much more mature than Ben despite also being a fucking grade schooler. (They are literally the EXACT same age, right down to sharing a birthday.) She's is just as immature as Ben, no matter how much she thinks she isn't. It's just that her smug "I know better." attitude doesn't cause outfacing issues as often as Ben being impulsive and a little self centred.

The OS also benefits from being the "spaghetti on the wall" series. Things just kinda worked however the writers wanted at the moment. Big point here: Magic got to just be magic. (I have made a whole ass post RE: Anodite Gwen so I wont get into it here, but I like the retcon. That statement does not conflict with the above.) Gwen getting fed up being sidelined and going "Fuck it I'm learning magic." is so good and I love it.

I feel like it is impossible to not like the OS in some form, because it's the Original Series. Everything that happens later can only have happened BECAUSE of the OS. Is it my favourite series? No. But it's charming and silly and fun and I love it. c:

Why is Alien Force Good?

Alien Force is a tonal downshift for the series. The era it was made in was the era of Gritty Cartoons for Cool Boys, and it shows. Now, this is not a bad thing to ME, but I know a lot of people don't like the heavier atmosphere of Alien Force, especially in its opening arc. Like... episode 1 (or 2 not sure, but it's in the premiere) of AF has a dude straight up just fucking die, which is kinda. A lot. I can see where people are coming from.

HOWEVER.

Personally, I love the entire DNAlien arc, and it's use as a coming of age story for Ben. A big part of AF is Ben realizing that he needs to grow up. In the OS he was a kid. Max was the leader and the beacon of morality. In AF Max is MIA from episode 1. Gwen is more mature, and has mellowed out a lot, but she just isn't a leader. Kevin should never be put in charge of other people, so he's out. So it's Ben. He has to step up and lead, because there IS nobody else.

But, also the show is not gloomy! It has it's moments, and I get why people might watch the premiere and think "Hmm, too dark.", but AF is silly as hell. I will point to the Alien X episode as my basis here. It's smack in the middle of the DNAlien arc, and it's dumb as hell. Again, I have made a whole ass post about this, but the gist is: I love Alien X being a god being with the ability to do LITERALLY anything, but Ben gets so frustrated that he refuses to use it unless the universe is actively collapsing. (Also, the incurseans are there, and they are never not silly lmao)

But to me, the best thing AF did for the series was give it structure. The OS was extremely episodic, but the front half of AF is held together with a tight plot line. The back half not so much, but it does have a lot going for it character wise. Case in point:

Let's talk about Kevin. c:

Kevin was always a fun villain in the OS. Any time he showed up I knew we were in for a fun time, so him becoming part of the main cast (As a hero and friend no less!) in AF was a major selling point to me personally. Unlike with Gwen, I feel like they sanded him down just enough. He's still kinda sleazy and a bit of a shithead, but now he's trying to do better.

I'm aware the explanation for this behaviour is that the Omnitrix energy he absorbed in the OS drove him crazy or whatever, but that's not something we get up front if memory serves. He really does seem like he naturally just grew up and realized acting how he did when he was 11 wasn't exactly getting him anywhere good.

Kevin's arc in the back half of AF plays really well with Ben's arc. Ben is at an all time high after saving the universe, while Kevin gets mutated again and has a really shitty time. Ben getting humbled while Kevin gains confidence just works really well in tandem, I think, and they end AF on somewhat equal footing.

AF also gives us some of my favourite side characters so I really love it on those grounds alone tbh. Mostly talking about Paradox here, but also Albedo, and The Plumber's Kids (especially Alan I love him he's so baby <3), and Sandra. God, I love Ben's hippy dippy granola mom so much it fits him so well.

I could make a whole fucking post about Paradox to be honest, and this post is already insanely long so I'll be brief here. He made it a billion times easier for the writers to play with timeline bullshit without having to sneak retcons past the audience every time. He's also just insanely fun. Silly Time Man. I loves him!!

I also really love Julie and Omniverse did her so fucking dirty, but that's a whole thing and I'm sure I'll get into it when I get there in my rewatch so I'll save it.

Again, I don't know that I would say AF is my favourite series, but I will say AF DOES happen to have my favourite EPISODE of the entire continuity though. "Con of Rath" is the best Ben 10 episode and I will fight you on this one.

I'm about to pivot into Ultimate and seeing as I haven't gotten there in my rewatch I am going to have less to say about it (and Omniverse) since they aren't fresh in my mind and I don't want to be spouting half remembered nonsense or go dig through the wiki to fact check (and spoil myself on things I don't remember). I know this post is stupid long, bear with me a bit longer.)

Why is Ultimate Alien Good?

Every new series of Ben 10 does something to change the status quo in some way. In AF it was aging up the characters and relegating Max to side character status. Omniverse does much the same, giving Ben a new partner and pushing Gwen and Kevin aside. Ultimate changes things in a different way, though, and I'm NOT talking about Ultimate forms.

Ultimate's big shake up is actually the name of it's first episode: "Fame".

Now, in this house we love a secret identity, lemme get that out up top. For Ben, though? The fame works. He never really honestly HAD a secret identity the same way most superheroes do. He'd always just kinda done his thing, and had it work out. All of his villains knew who he was. (To the point that "Hit 'Em Where They Live" kinda makes no fucking sense? Zombozo is dumb as shit so like maybe he didn't? But Charmcaster DEFINITELY did, and Ben was famous OFF earth already? It's whatever, but like ',:| ya'know.)

The important thing about making him famous is that it gives him a new avenue for character growth. As in my dude needs to get his fucking act together good god. Like, it's Ben, when it comes down to it he buckles down and does the right thing, but fuck man. This is a character trait that will haunt the rest of the series. There are episodes of OMNI that focus on Ben needing to get his head on straight wrt being famous.

It circles back to my point from earlier, though. Ben was NOT popular before "Fame". His friends included: Kevin, Gwen, and Julie. That's it. He's on a soccer team (At least at the beginning of AF I feel like it never comes up later.), but he never talks about his teammates. That one bully whose name escapes me is on okay terms with him after "The Gauntlet", but I wouldn't call them friends. But after his identity is leaked suddenly everybody likes him. He's gone from absolute nobody to celebrity overnight. Of course he would love this.

This is also an extension of one of Ben's core character traits: He NEEDS to be a hero. Actually he needs to be THE hero, because that is his entire self identity. It comes across (both in universe and from a meta standpoint) as Ben being conceited and selfish, but underneath it is really just a sad little boy who is clinging desperately to the ONE thing he's ever been that people liked. The Hero.

If Ben isn't the hero then who is he? He clearly doesn't know as of the AF finale. He loses the Omnitrix and completely breaks down. Even though he's an expert tactician and a damn good leader, he doesn't even know who he is without the Omnitrix.

Azmuth of all people is the one to tell him to get his head out of his ass. I don't think any other character could have done it, though. Azmuth does not care about Ben's feelings, but he's also someone who (whether he likes it or not) sees ALL of Ben's worth. Max or Gwen would be too soft and Kevin's words wouldn't hold the same weight. Azmuth is someone Ben looks up to while also being someone who won't pull his punches. If he's telling Ben he can do something it has to be true, you know?

That aside, lets talk about the "Ultimate" in "Ultimate Alien".

The Ultimatrix is... weird. It's interesting, don't get me wrong, but it is so completely and clearly just a marketing gimmick. The Ultimatrix can be as cool as it wants, it is not making it out of this series alive. Also, everything I find interesting about the Ultimatrix gets dropped. The first episode has Ben be apprehensive about using the Ultimate forms, but then it's just never brought up ever again for some reason.

Also this shit:

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN????? WHY IS IT NEVER TALKED ABOUT? 😭

It all just feels so fucking meaningless knowing the Finished Omnitrix is going to replace it. Like, Albedo made this peice of shit. So even if I hadn't watched parts of Omniverse first I would have put together that Azmuth would inevitably replace it, right? But it doesn't really matter I guess. That's my personal gripe with Ultimate forms, though, so I wanted to get it out here. Ultimate's does give us "The Ultimate Sacrifice" which is an episode I remember enjoying though, so its not a complete wash.

The thing with Ultimate as a series it that it's really just Alien force... 2!! to the extent that fans refer to them as a collective. "Ultimate Alien Force" Like, my header up there ^^^ was "Why is Ultimate Alien Force Good?" when I first started writing the AF part, and I only changed it so I had a smooth transition to talk about "Fame". They are so intrinsically linked in my brain that I didn't even blink lumping them into one. It makes it hard to find fault in Ultimate when I love so much of the things introduced in AF that carry over, you know?

Now onto the one I was soooo close to saying was my favourite:

Why is Omniverse good?

Omniverse is very, very special to me. I did not watch UAF as a kid. It started airing just as I was hitting my "I'm too old for cartoons" phase, so I just.. never watched it. I wouldn't have ever really gotten into Ben 10 as much as I have if not for someone talking about how much they liked Omniverse on my timeline when it was airing. I watched a large chunk of Omni before doubling back to watch all of the OS (Which I had only seen bits of growing up.) and then UAF.

I fucking love Omniverse and a big reason is:

Him 👆 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

I would kill and die for Rook Blonko.

He is mine moste beloved boy. My babygirl. My right hand arm etc.

But beyond The Boy 💖 Omniverse has a lot going for it. It's another tonal shift for the series, this time back to the more innocent and silly tone of the OS. Like I said, I like the tone in UAF, but Omniverse is just so bright and charming it's hard not to enjoy it.

The art style is also very fun in Omni and matches that lighter tone really well. (There are some stylistic choices I'm not personally big on, but it's whatever.) Where UAF had scaled back a lot of designs to give off a pretty generically American Comic Book style, Omniverse lets characters look interesting again! I'm thinkng specifically about Animo and Charmcaster here (Charmcaster's UAF design is so boring. Omniverse puts her back in her cool robe/tunic thing from the OS.), but in general the characters in Omni just have more interesting designs than they did in UAF. Like, Paradox isn't just Guy in Labcoat in Omni lol

I also think the ten episode arc structure does Omniverse a lot of favours. It gets to have the fun silly episodic nature of the OS while also holding onto the structure AF gave the series.

Beyond that, based on my memory of the series (which I have not watched since it finished airing so it's not exactly perfect) I don't really have much more I can say about Omni. It's fun, and has good characters and plot lines. It's just a really good entry and was a solid ending to wrap up the whole four series continuity.

And so, finally, I can wrap up this fuck off long post.

Like I said up top, I can't definitively say which series is my favourite. They all have their own strengths and weaknesses, and are good in their own ways. If pressed, I would probably say "Um... Omniverse maybe?", but I love the OS and UAF so so much it's not a confident answer. (having not watched Omni in a hot minute also doesn't help lmao)

Thank you for reading my big dumb post. If you got all the way to the end, I love you. I mean, if you stopped reading it I also love you, but if you managed to get through all, uh, 2800ish words of this post without tapping out, you are on the top shelf. <3

I'd love to hear your thoughts, or answer more specific questions if you have them!