#anyway if i still want it after s2 maybe I'll do it

[theindiscreetbookworm]

the other day I was talking to someone about fandom tattoos and how they're often very beautiful but I don't think I'd get one

today I was looking down at my leg where I have Inigo Montoya's sword tattooed on my fucking thigh

I talk so much shit

[ofmd-alsaurus]

.

[dandylovesturtles]

Using a random number generator for the angst prompts: 20 Starved + 30 Dangerous Temperatures

... and Leo, of course.

OH GOD OK

uh so. I had an idea. and I decided to write it for this ask I got forever ago. And then, uh.

it really

really got out of hand.

This is a pretty dark fic (even for me) and at the current moment in time it is hurt/no comfort. I do intend to write a part 2, probably tomorrow, but as of the time I'm typing this author's note I've been writing for around 5+ hours straight and I need to take a break! So please, if you don't want to read all this without the comfort included, feel free to wait for the next part before reading! I'll link it and the end once it's posted.

Content warnings: Kidnapping, confinement, psychological torture, nonconsensual voyeurism (I guess this is the best way to put this; Leo isn't doing anything sexual but it's still violating), mild violence, HEAVY ANGST, Leo just having the shittiest time possible.

I HOPE?? YOU ENJOY??? hahahaha....

btw this is set between S2 and the movie (though tbh its canon compliance is... /waves hand)

-----

When Leo imagined himself getting captured by some kind of shady, quasi-governmental agency intent on imprisoning mutants, it was never anything like this.

When he let his mind go there, he always pictured that he would be strapped to a table. Maybe muzzled. That scientists would stand over him, scalpels and drills in hand, and start to take him apart. That they'd examine him piece by piece, and wouldn't give him any anesthesia while they did it.

But there is no table, no muzzle, no restraints at all. He's just in a room.

Well, a cell, technically - the steel door is locked, and there are no windows, no furniture but a bare cot in one corner and a lone toilet in another. But it doesn't really look like a cell. It looks like a room.

A very, very white room. White walls. White ceiling. White tiles (with white grout, even). The toilet is white, a roll of white toilet paper on the floor next to it. The only things that aren't white are the cot and the door and Leo himself.

They took his gear and his weapons, because of course they did. Since the door is steel, he already knows he's not breaking it down; he gives it a half-hearted slam anyway, just to say he tried. He should be able to just portal out, except he hasn't learned how to use his portals without his swords to channel his ninpo through, and there's nothing in here with him that he can use to make new ones.

So he's stuck. He's going to have to wait until someone opens that door for some reason. Or, of course, until his family swings by to pick him up. Though, if possible, he'd like to escape before that happens. The image in his mind, of sitting outside his cell and grinning at them as they arrive to rescue him, is too cool to pass up.

He's not sure how long it's been already. He knows that they knocked him out after ambushing him, and he doesn't know how long he was unconscious. The heavy molasses feel of his head and arms when he woke up suggests that he was drugged. It's wearing off now, though, which means he has a clear head to take in the all of nothing that's in the room with him.

He sits on the cot he woke up on and waits for something to happen.

There's no way for him to tell time, but he thinks it's an hour or so later when there's a sudden beep, and then the sound of a metal panel sliding up. It's a slot near the door that has just opened - inside the revealed alcove is a bottle of water.

He comes to it curiously, taking a long look around the bottle. The slot doesn't open straight through, and even if it did, it's not big enough for anything more than his arm or a foot to fit through. He thinks it must function like an airlock, or maybe they slid the bottle down from somewhere above - he feels around just in case, and finds that the slot is enclosed on all sides but his. Probably his airlock theory, then.

As soon as he removes the bottle, the panel slams shut again.

"You're really determined to keep me in here, huh?" he says to whatever hidden cameras are watching him. He carries the water bottle back to his cot, but doesn't open it, instead setting it down on the floor by the wall. The paranoid part of his brain, the one that doesn't miss a trick, is reminding him that drinking the water is probably a bad idea. Who knows what they might have put in it?

He sits on the cot for awhile longer. Still, nothing happens.

"I'm getting pretty bored in here," he says for the audience that must be somewhere. "Come on, you have a one of a kind turtle in here, and you don't even want to talk to me?"

Time passes, slow and quiet. Leo goes through periods where his anxiety spikes and he starts to wonder if he's been abandoned by whoever brought him here, before the boredom eventually numbs the anxiety back out. Another bottle of water is eventually delivered, and this one he keeps in his hands after retrieving it. It's completely unlabeled, not even a "Use by" date printed on the bottle itself, so it doesn't provide much mental stimulation. He spins the bottle to make little whirlpools inside, because it's something to do.

He's trying to make the fastest whirlpool he can when he hears a sudden click, different from the beep of the water bottle hole, and he looks up just in time to see a large section of the wall in front of him turn black, and then light up to show the room beyond his cell.

He jolts, setting the bottle aside. He knew they must be watching him, but somehow he didn't catch that part of the wall was a whole window.

His audience isn't very large - five people, unless there are others he can't see. Two wear lab coats, two wear fatigues... but the one who comes to stand directly in front of the window is wearing a black suit, with steel rimmed glasses. He leans forward, and speaks into a small microphone.

"Inmate 24365," says the suited man. "I am Agent Bishop, of the Earth Protection Force. My subordinates tell me that you can speak and understand the English language. Is this correct?"

"Qué?" Leo asks.

Bishop does not look amused. "Inmate 24365," he says, "you have two options. You can cooperate with me, answer my questions, and we will make your stay here more comfortable. Do not cooperate, and we will make your stay uncomfortable. Do you understand?"

Leo pretends to hem and haw over this. "How comfortable are we talkin'?"

"I'm sure you would like some dinner."

"You know, I'm not really hungry." He says it to be difficult, but it's actually true - the uncertainty of the situation has put his stomach in too many knots to want to eat anything. "Maybe if you offer me some comic books? Or a TV?

To Bishop's credit, his face doesn't so much as twitch. He keeps his steely eyes locked on Leo. "Answer our questions, and you will receive food. Do you understand?"

Leo stays noncommittal. "What are the questions?"

He's expecting Bishop to ask about his family. He's not expecting what comes next.

"How many gateways are there between New York City and the hidden yokai enclave?" he asks. "How are these gateways accessed? What kind of defensive capabilities do the yokai have?"

Leo keeps the surprise off his face. Bishop thinks he's a yokai.

This is, overall, a good development. Bishop might not know about Leo's family, then, or at least not know that they live on the surface. This means the Earth Protection Force likely isn't pursuing his brothers, which means they will be safe until they can help Leo get out of here.

He doesn't let the relief show through, either. Bishop doesn't know anything, and now Leo just has to ride out the next few hours until the calvary arrives.

"You know," he says, "I think I'm good with my current levels of comfort."

If Bishop is mad or frustrated or dismayed by this choice, he doesn't show it. His expression stays stony as he stares in at Leo, sizing him up.

"Very well," he says after a few more seconds. "I will see you tomorrow, then."

The window goes dark, and then turns stark white to match the walls. Leo wants to go over and tap at it, see if it feels different when he touches it, but knowing that Bishop is surely still there, watching him, keeps him rooted to the cot.

He goes back to making whirlpools with the bottle. If they aren't going to entertain him, he isn't going to entertain them, either.

-----

Another water bottle comes some time after his talk with Bishop. He finally opens this one and takes a cautious sip. Nothing tastes off or strange, so he drinks more. They don't want to feed him, but they're fine keeping him hydrated. No reason to stay thirsty, then.

He wishes the water calmed the anxiety still roiling in his stomach, but if anything it just makes him feel even more energized. He bounces his foot and surveys his room again, looking for any weak spots or access points. He can't see anything, though, other than the areas where he knows the water bottle hole and window are; even the vents that relentlessly blow cold air into the room are well hidden.

Knowing that there are people standing just outside his cell watching him, like some kind of zoo animal, puts him on edge. The window is so big that he's pretty sure the only blind spots are either directly underneath it or right by the door on the same wall. After debating it, he leaves his cot and sits on the floor underneath the window, surveying the room from a different angle now and still coming up empty. At least they're going to have a harder time staring at him.

His eyes catch on the toilet in the corner, directly across from the window. It's not in the blind spot, and realizing this makes his insides lurch uncomfortably - hopefully he has a chance to bust out before using it becomes necessary.

Though, he's not sure when that chance is going to come. If they have a slot to pass him water, they could use that to pass him food, too, so it's unlikely that anyone is going to open the door unless they need to take him out.

So maybe his fantasy of being outside when his brothers arrive isn't going to happen. Well, that's okay; he'll just be sure to make some other part of their escape totally rad. That will make up for the embarrassment of getting kidnapped a block from Run of the Mill.

(Seriously, some kind of ninja he is, to let a bunch of human soldiers sneak up on him.)

He drains the water bottle, then starts to roll it back and forth across the floor, like a cat batting at a toy. Leo's not sure what's worse right now: the worry or the boredom. There's nothing to look at and no one to talk to, just an empty room with him and his water bottles.

He's too keyed up to sleep, and the fluorescent lights are still on, anyway. He has no way of telling what time it is, so maybe it just isn't that late yet. And even sitting here, in the blind spot, the idea of closing his eyes while people are watching makes unease crawl up his spine. Staying awake is the easy choice. He'll sleep after he's out of here.

So he sits under the window and rolls his bottle back and forth, back and forth, with only the sound of plastic on tile to keep his thoughts company.

-----

The first three water bottles came pretty regularly, but now there is a very long stretch where nothing is delivered. Leo is starting to think maybe it really is night now. They don't turn off the lights in his cell, though, and he has no controls to do it himself. At least it helps with the whole "staying awake" thing.

Just in case they've decided to suspend his water privileges along with the food, he holds off drinking any more for now.

Speaking of food, his appetite has finally decided to return. His stomach starts to growl at him after several hours (he thinks) of sitting in the floor, an annoying emptiness in his stomach. Knowing there's no food accessible just makes the hunger sharper, but he puts it out of his mind the best he can with nothing else to focus on. He can eat once he's free.

Which should be soon. Seriously, his brothers have to be on their way by now, right?

He's pretty sure it's been the better part of a day, if not a whole day, since he was kidnapped. And, okay, he's willing to give them some leeway; it's understandable if they got a late start. He did storm out of the lair after his latest fight with Raph, and no one ever came to check on him when he did that. Understandably, he thinks, because who wants to be around Bad Mood Leo? Not even Leo wants to be around Bad Mood Leo!

But he'd already turned back into Good Mood Leo by the time he left Hueso's, so surely they knew it had been more than enough time. They would have noticed when he didn't come home. They would have realized something happened. They would be looking for him.

And if they're looking for him, they'll find him! Obviously.

His stomach growls again, and Leo leans his head back against the wall behind him. Maybe he shouldn't think of being at Hueso's. Now he just wants pizza. Pepperoni and mushroom, maybe, or Hawaiian. Mix it up a little with the barbeque chicken.

Another growl. He groans out loud.

He stays awake, twisting and crinkling the empty bottle in his hands, until another full one finally arrives.

-----

No chance to escape comes before using the toilet is necessary.

He tried to hold out, he really did, but he ended up drinking more water to stave off the growing hunger, and it's lowkey cold in here, which doesn't help. Still, the issue of the window sends an uneasy shiver up his spine, doubting that any people outside will feel the need to turn away and give him some privacy. Maybe he should have gone while he suspected it was nighttime.

(Maybe he shouldn't assume they ever aren't watching him.)

He stands up and walks over to the cot, giving it a light nudge with his foot. In a stroke of luck, it isn't bolted to the floor, and it's light enough that he can lift it. The black mesh it's made of is tightly woven, enough that not much is visible through it. It will have to do.

He picks it up and drags it over in front of the toilet, propping it up on its legs so it makes a small wall between himself and the window. It's hardly ideal, but the semblance of privacy makes him relax somewhat.

(He can't think about how there are surely cameras in the room watching him from all angles, making his attempt at a barrier moot. He knows better than anyone that sometimes pleasant lies are necessary.)

After he does his business, he leaves the cot propped where it is; it's not like he's sleeping on it. There's no sink for him to wash his hands, but he's never been the strictest about it, anyway (much to Donnie's disgust). He returns to his spot under the window, squeezing the water bottle to the rhythm of the first song that comes to mind.

Only two verses and a bridge later, the window above his head turns black, then goes clear. Thinking that Bishop might have been watching him just now makes a cold, slimy feeling roll down his spine. Creepy!

"Inmate 24365," comes Bishop's voice through the unseen speaker. "Stand."

Leo doesn't. He stays right where he is, under the window.

Bishop waits only a few seconds. Then Leo hears him say, "Temperature down two degrees."

He gets up at that, turning and leaning his arm against the window. It strangely doesn't feel like glass, even though it must be. "It's already cold enough in here," he says. He wonders how they can hear him, when he doesn't see a microphone on his side.

"You were told your conditions would only be made comfortable after you answer our questions," Bishop informs him. "The same as before: how many gateways are there between New York City and the hidden yokai enclave? How are these gateways-"

"How about you answer my questions first," Leo interjects. "You keep calling me "inmate," but I haven't been charged with anything. Pretty sure you can't detain me without cause."

"The EPF is authorized to detain non-human inmates for as long as deemed necessary for the security of the United States," says Bishop smoothly. "Probable cause doctrine does not apply in this case."

"That's gotta be unconstitutional."

"The constitution does not recognize the rights of yokai. You have no right to counsel, no right to a speedy trial, and no right to protections from cruel and unusual punishments." Bishop's stare is colder than the temperature in the room. "But I am not an unfair man. Answer my questions, and I will provide you with food and clothing."

Leo tosses a glance over his shoulder. "How about a private bathroom?"

Bishop's expression stays ever in place, unimpressed and stoic. "Food and clothing," he repeats.

Leo gives his head a shake. "Then nope," he says, popping the "p". "I plead the fifth."

"As I have already explained, the Bill of Rights does not apply to you."

"That's such crap." Leo bangs his fist on the window. "You can't just keep me here forever for no reason!"

"I do have reasons." Bishop leans closer to the window, his eyes narrowing. "Let's try a different question. What is your relation to Baron Draxum?"

The surprise is fast and sharp, but Leo just manages to keep it from showing on his face. "Who?" he asks innocently, even as the panic sets into his chest. If they know about Draxum, what else do they know?

"We know you are acquainted with him," says Bishop. "What is the nature of your relationship?"

Leo knows they aren't bluffing - why would they bring up that very specific name otherwise? There's no lie he can tell that won't reveal something.

So he doesn't say anything. Instead, he turns his back to the window and sits down, staring resolutely at the opposite wall.

Bishop clicks his tongue. "Very well," he says. "I am a patient man. I can wait." Then, more muffled, like he's facing away from the microphone, Leo hears him say, "Temperature down two degrees."

The window goes dark, then turns back to white. Leo doesn't move for a long time.

-----

The third water bottle arrives, so he guesses that's the end of day two.

He's shaking as he gets up to retrieve it, adding it to his growing water bottle hoard. He's gone through three and a half by now, but he's trying not to drink them too fast.

As promised, no food is delivered, and his stomach growls and rumbles in protest. The water helps, but only slightly. He needs to eat.

He also needs to sleep.

The panicked adrenaline spikes that have kept him awake this long are starting to die down, with more and more long stretches of exhaustion between them. The shaking is near constant, bringing with it the weird jittery feeling he gets when his insomnia gets particularly bad.

The window is still unnerving him. The idea of sleeping while they're watching him feels staggeringly unsafe.

But he doesn't think he can hold out now until his family gets here. Sure, they're probably getting close (they have to be getting close), but they're sure taking their sweet time. And he's just so tired.

After a long internal debate, he lays down on the cold tile floor. It's not at all comfortable, but somehow he doubts the cot would be any better. Besides, even if he moves the cot under the window, he thinks it would be easier to see him if he uses it. So on the floor it is.

He presses as close to the wall as he can, curling up into a ball for warmth. He wishes he had a blanket.

He wishes he was home.

He squeezes his eyes shut tight and forces back the sudden wave of overwhelming homesickness. There's no reason to feel this way. It's only been two days! What is he, a baby?

It's fine. It's all fine. They're definitely on his trail now. Raph is leading the team. Donnie is using some kind of invention to blah blah blah nerd stuff. Mikey is razzing his tazz. April is using her investigative journalism skills to find clues.

They're on their way. He just has to hold out a little longer. He can do this.

He sleeps, and in his dreams, something grabs him tight and drags him down and down and down where he can't escape.

-----

The same routine plays out over the next two days.

Leo gets two water bottles delivered, spaced, if he had to guess, about five hours apart. Bishop comes to visit him some time after the second bottle. Leo refuses to answer his questions. Bishop turns the temperature down and then leaves. A few hours later his last water bottle comes. Then nothing for the whole night.

They still don't turn off his lights, but exhaustion is starting to win over the brightness.

More than a few times, Leo tries to summon a portal on his own, without his swords. If his family is going to take their sweet time in coming, he might as well try to help them out. He tries to summon his ninpo (without glowing), tries to feel the tug inside of him that he always does when he teleports, tries to envision the place he wants to go and tunnel through space to get there.

Nothing. Always nothing.

(Donnie can make his constructs independent of his bo staff. Raph can send his projections away from his sai. Mikey's learning to use mystic powers without his nunchucks. So why does Leo need his katana? Why is he the only one this useless?)

It probably doesn't help that he's so damn hungry. It's a constant companion now, a low and hollow ache that chooses inconvenient times to turn into white hot stabs of urgency, into seizing cramps that steal his breath. The water only helps so much - it keeps him alive but doesn't satisfy, doesn't soothe. In some ways it just makes the feeling worse.

And he's always shaking, too, but he doesn't know if that's the hunger or the cold.

Maybe the cold wouldn't bother him so much if it were at least still. But the vents blow fresh air inside relentlessly, and no matter where he goes he can't seem to get out of the direct stream. The cold wind batters his tired body, and there's places his skin is starting to turn dry and flaky. His nose won't stop running, and he's allowed himself a small section of his one roll of toilet paper to blow it, already stiff and congealed and disgusting.

It's miserable.

And there's still nothing to do.

He stacks a pyramid out of his empty water bottles, knocks it down, then stacks it up again. He tries to come up with some new and exciting ways to demolish it, but it's only new and exciting for so long.

He spends a few hours of day three singing karaoke as obnoxiously as possible. He hopes everyone outside enjoys the performance.

He recounts every issue of Jupiter Jim he knows to himself, then the plot of every movie. Then he goes through Lou Jitsu films, then anything else he can think of. That eats up a good chunk of day four.

By the time he gets his first water bottle of day five, he's out of ideas to entertain himself. He's never been good at this. He doesn't know how introverts like Donnie can go multiple days without talking to someone.

But when Bishop comes back with his daily offer of conversation, Leo once again impolitely declines.

-----

Something new happens on night five.

It's been a long time since the last water bottle. Leo has been trying to sleep, but it's not coming easy; he's exhausted, but the floor is so cold and he's so sore from staying on it night after night. Not to mention, his nightmares have been getting worse, and he isn't eager to return to them.

Add on the hunger, and sleep is elusive.

Suddenly, there's the telltale shadow of the window above him turning dark - this time, though, it doesn't light up as much as normal. Confused and curious, Leo sits up and takes a peek.

The room beyond is dim, only the glow of a green EXIT sign and a small desk lamp lighting the space. But it's enough for Leo to see a man standing there, looking inside. It's not Bishop - in fact, he doesn't recognize this person at all. They're wearing fatigues, but it's not anyone he's seen in the room during Bishop's normal interrogations.

The man catches sight of Leo, and the grinning leer on his face makes Leo regret looking.

He beckons for Leo to stand up. Warily, Leo does, unable to help but keep his arms folded tight over his chest. Not for the first time, he wishes he had some clothes - his gear, at the very least. Anything to not feel quite so exposed.

The man reaches down and picks something up, holding it aloft for Leo's inspection. "Want a sandwich?" he asks into the microphone.

The sandwich looks like white bread and bologna. No cheese, no other toppings that Leo can spot. Maybe some mustard, if anything. Overall, the most boring possible sandwich he could have been offered.

Leo's mouth is watering.

He has to swallow hard before answering. He doesn't trust this. Even if his stomach is slamming up and down at the promise of food, food, food.

"I'm not hungry," he lies.

The man laughs. It's not a kind sound. "Sure you ain't," he says. "You spend every night curled up on the floor like the dumb animal you are. Can you even eat this?" He waves the sandwich for emphasis.

Leo doesn't answer. He takes a step back from the window, like that will put any kind of distance between them. Like that will save him.

The man watches him with a sleezy grin. He waves the sandwich again.

"You want this," he says.

Leo shakes his head.

"You really sure?"

Leo shudders. Stands tall. Nods.

The man watches him for a long, long moment. Leo fights the urge to hide.

Finally, with a shrug, the man says, "Suit yourself."

Then he starts eating the sandwich. Right where Leo can watch.

Leo's stomach growls, loud and angry in his ears, and he has to physically hold himself back from crumpling.

After several bites, the man suddenly reaches out and taps the window, indicating the cot stood up in front of the toilet.

"That," he says, giving another tap for emphasis, "doesn't do shit."

Leo wants to crawl out of his own skin.

The need to hide is suddenly too great. He rushes to the cot, grabbing it and dragging it back to the blind spot under the window. He sets it down on all four legs, so it's as close to the floor as possible.

Then he lies down on his belly and wriggles underneath. It's a tight squeeze, and the cot ends up pushed up by his shell, suspended in the air, but he doesn't care.

He curls up in his pleasant lie of privacy and bites his hand to keep from screaming himself hoarse.

After an eternity, the window above him turns white again. It doesn't matter. Leo knows he's still there. Still watching.

-----

"You look tired," Bishop greets him. Leo answers with a dead-eyed stare.

"I keep telling you, if you want your conditions to improve, all you have to do is answer my questions."

Leo says nothing. He just stares, arms wrapped tight around himself to try and keep his body heat in.

"How many gateways are there between New York City and the hidden yokai enclave? How are these gateways accessed?"

For a moment, Leo considers just... telling him.

His family doesn't live in the Hidden City. The yokai have never exactly greeted them with open arms. What does he care if these military guys go after them? At least then, maybe he can finally eat something.

That's not what a hero does, Leo! echoes Mind Raph disapprovingly. Innocent people will get hurt!

Right. He's a hero. And heroes don't give into the demands of shitty guys like Bishop.

Leo swallows hard. "No comment."

Bishop's face changes ever so slightly: his brow creases. Leo wonders if that's good or bad for him.

"You understand that Baron Draxum is a known threat, don't you?" he asks. "We are aware of his plans to commit mass murder on the human population. We also know that he has been dormant for some time, and we need information on what he is planning."

Leo thinks of Barry's ambitions to be recognized as the best lunchperson in all of America and can't help but laugh. It comes out cracked and wheezing.

Bishop's furrow gets deeper. "Do you think this is funny?"

"Little bit," says Leo.

Bishop has a chasm to rival Raph's now. Leo knows he shouldn't, but he grins. It's his one moment of triumph - only he can be this aggravating.

And then Bishop says, "Temperature down seven degrees," and that wipes the smile right off Leo's face.

-----

The plastic of the water bottles is soft and pliable and feels weirdly good under Leo's teeth.

He chews the top of the bottle, gnawing at it until it's completely flattened out, pockmarked with little tiny indents from his incisors. It's not eating - it won't fill his belly or ease the persistent hunger pains. But something about the motion is soothing. The place-bo effect.

Pla-ce-bo, corrects Donnie's voice in his mind, sounding testy.

Where are you? Leo thinks back.

There's no answer.

He's gnawed his way through four water bottles. There's eighteen in total now, two and a half still full of water. He thought about using one to wash up a bit, but decided against it in the end. He knows he stinks, but the last thing he wants right now is to be wet. Not when he's starting to see his breath.

Oh well. It's not like he has anywhere to be.

He turns his attentions to the lids next. These are harder and thus tougher to chew. Still, if Leo uses his molars, he can eventually crack the lip, and then bend the plastic in and in, chewing until he ends up with a flat disc.

It's just small enough that Leo could swallow it, if he wanted to.

He thinks he remembers watching some kind of wildlife documentary. Or maybe he didn't watch it himself, but Mikey told him about it. Or maybe April? He doesn't know. His thoughts swim in and out and get lost on the way.

Point is. Sea turtles in the wild die all the time because of plastic in the water. They cut open their stomachs and find trash inside.

Well, Leo is a turtle in captivity. Maybe that means he's immune. Maybe he could swallow this plastic lid, and then he'd finally feel full and the pain pain pain of his empty stomach would go away.

He does not swallow the plastic lid. But it's more tempting than he'd like to admit.

It's going to be okay. When his family gets him out of here, they'll have a big pizza to celebrate. Maybe he can even talk them into letting him have the last slice.

It has to be any moment now, right? It's been a week. They have to be closing in. Any moment now, the door will open, and there they'll be to take him home.

The air conditioning blows relentlessly against his skin. He sneezes, then rubs the snot on his arm. He's given up on the tissue paper.

It'll be over soon. It has to be. Just hang in there, Leon, just a little longer.

He picks up another bottle and starts chewing.

-----

He's playing a mindless little game with his flattened bottle lids the next time Bishop comes.

"I'm surprised you still have any energy at all," says Bishop, and Leo wants to punch him.

(Really, he wants to do more than that. But those kinds of thoughts always make him feel weird and bad, so he pushes them away.)

"You should have learned by now," he says, pushing to his feet and trying not to show how badly he's trembling, "you can't keep me down."

"This is all unnecessary," says Bishop. "I'll feed you as soon as you answer my questions."

Leo barks out a laugh. "Sure you will."

"I will," says Bishop. He turns and says over his shoulder, "Bring it here."

One of the men in fatigues steps forward and hands a tray with a covered plate over to Bishop. Bishop uncovers the tray and holds it where Leo can see.

Baked chicken, broccoli with cheese, mashed potatoes.

Leo's stomach twists and cramps so painfully he has to bend at the hips and clutch his midriff.

"This is yours, as soon as you answer my questions."

Leo pointedly keeps from looking at the food. He shakes his head. He can't. He can't.

"Such persistence." Bishop's voice is scolding now. "You understand that you are a known accomplice to a terrorist, don't you? But if you become a cooperating witness, you will be granted some leniency."

Leo barks a laugh, lifting his eyes to look at Bishop's face, and pointedly not the food. "What's the point?" he asks. "If I'm not... protected by the constitution, or whatever. Are you going to let me go?"

"No," says Bishop. "But as I have told you, your conditions will become more comfortable." He waves the tray of food.

Leo stares at him, before a manic smile splits his face.

"You... stupid bastard. I can't even answer your questions." He slams a shaking hand against his plastron. "I'm not even a yokai! Do you get that? I'm not a yokai!"

Bishop looks skeptical. "Obviously you are."

"I'm not!" Leo rages. "I'm a mutant! I'm from New York! I don't even live in the Hidden City!"

Bishop's eyes flash. "I see," he says, "so you do know of it."

Leo falters, his body going slack.

What an obvious, stupid mistake.

(Some face-man he is.)

It takes Leo a long moment to answer. Bishop stays right where he is, holding the food so tantalizingly close and yet still out of reach.

"...I don't know about the gateways," he says finally. "I don't know about their defensive capabilities. I don't know what Baron Draxum is planning."

"Your lies are obvious," says Bishop. "You really don't want this? It's your last chance today."

Leo stares at the food. His mouth is watering so hard it might start to drip. Would it really be so bad to answer? They don't live in the Hidden City. And Draxum dropped him off a roof.

Draxum is trying to change, says Mind Raph. You see what these guys are like. You can't turn the yokai over to them. They'll hurt them!

What about me? he asks. Is it okay if I get hurt?

You're a hero, Leo, says Mind Raph. You can deal with it for a little longer. It's just a room. Just a little cold. Just some hunger.

He's a hero. He can deal with it. He can. He can.

He'll make them proud. Show them they can trust him.

It takes everything he has, but he shakes his head.

Bishop tuts. Then he throws the entire plate in the trash.

"Tomorrow, then," he says. Then the window is gone.

Leo collapses on his cot and tries not to cry.

-----

After his third water bottle on day eight, one of the fluorescent lights over his head flickers and then dies out.

It's not surprising, since they keep them running twenty-four seven. The blessedly dimmed lighting is actually nice, for once. Leo thinks maybe he could get some sleep, if the gnawing hunger and the constant shivers don't keep him awake.

He's just closed his eyes and snuggled up under his cot when it occurs to him: they may come in to fix it. If keeping the lights on day and night is part of their plan to torture him, to keep him exhausted and anxious and on edge, then they have to.

Which means his chance is finally here.

He has to be careful about this. He has to be ready to move, but he can't let them know he's ready to move. He has to let them think he's too weak, too exhausted, to make an escape attempt.

(He can't let himself think that, though. He can't give up before he tries.)

So he stays under his cot, but subtly shifts it so it won't restrict his movement. He has to be ready to burst out as soon as he gets a chance. Get past whoever comes in, then get out the door. It's after the last water bottle, so it's nighttime. There will be fewer people. He can do this. He can do this.

Find his swords. Make a portal. Get out.

Just as he was thinking, after a long time has passed, there is a loud warning beep, different from the water bottle beep. An automated voice says from somewhere unseen, "Inmates clear the door. Security personnel entering. Stay still and you will not be harmed."

Then the door slides open, and someone comes in.

It's a man wearing fatigues. Leo thinks this is the one who "offered" him a sandwich the other day. He's holding some kind of gun with a long barrel. He does a sweep of the room with his eyes, coming to rest on Leo under his cot. He gives Leo the same leering grin, and waves the barrel of the gun in his direction.

"Now you behave, and we'll get along just fine," he says.

He steps to the side, and another man enters, this one wearing the kind of jumpsuit Leo sees janitors in on TV. He's carrying a stepladder in one hand and a long tube in the other. Is that what fluorescent lights look like? Leo didn't know.

The man walks to the middle of the room and sets up his stepladder. Then he walks up and pulls off the light casing. When he unhooks the old bulb, it causes the other bulb to flicker, just for a few moments.

Leo explodes out from under the cot, grabbing the man in fatigues by the legs and yanking as hard as he can. The man yelps in surprise, and Leo hears the sound of the gun going off in a random direction. The janitor shouts and drops the light bulb - the sound of shattering glass joins the cacophony.

Leo jumps to his feet and runs out the door they had been too stupid to close, sprinting toward the EXIT sign. He's exhausted and shaky but he's coursing with adrenaline, and he leans on it hard to keep him moving. Don't stop, don't stop, get out of here. He'll figure out what to do next once he's free.

Past the exit sign there's a large open room with desks and computer monitors. Most of them are off, but one lingering woman in a lab coat, seated at her desk, screams when she sees Leo dash through the middle of the office space.

"Security!" she screams into a device on her chest. "Inmate is escaping! Inmate is escaping!"

Leo doesn't have time to shut her up, he just keeps moving. He pushes through the next door and arrives in a hallway; he only has time to glance one way and then the other before scrambling to the left, hoping it was a good choice.

He rounds a corner and sees another green EXIT sign up ahead. It's not where he meant to go - he meant to find where they're keeping his swords first. But he hears shouting behind him and doesn't stop. Fine, so no portals - he'll figure out something else once he's away from here.

He throws himself forward into the exit door, which leads him into yet another hallway. Another long sprint, with shouting and slamming doors at his heels, and then finally, finally, a third EXIT sign, and he crashes outside.

Where there's snow on the ground, snow on the trees.

It steals his breath away. There shouldn't be snow. It's May.

Where is he?

He takes a breath of air so cold it seizes his lungs, then takes a step forward. He'll worry about that-

BANG!

A piercing pain in his shoulder nearly sends him toppling over. Leo shouts, grasping for the wound and feeling something sticking out of his skin. He grabs it and yanks, pulling it free.

It's a dart.

Damn it, he thinks, before his vision goes woozy, and he collapses into the snow.

-----

"Are you proud of your little escape attempt?" comes Bishop's voice.

Leo looks up from his cot. Bishop has to get so close to the window to see him that his nose is pressed flat against it. It should be hilarious, but Leo doesn't really have the energy to laugh. Or to do much of anything.

He's hungry. He's tired. He's cold. He's still sluggish from the drugs.

And they threw away all his water bottles. Fuckers.

Leo rolls over on the cot and covers his ears.

"What a childish response," says Bishop, and that's funny, too, because Leo literally is a child. Or a teenager, anyway. He doesn't feel like it will help him much to point that out, though.

"All you have to do is answer my questions, and all this will be fixed."

That's the funniest thing of all. The idea that he spills his guts and Bishop treats him to a five course meal to make up for all the pain up till now. Hilarious.

He says nothing.

Bishop sighs.

"You are likely still affected by the tranquilizing agent. I'll return tomorrow."

Before he leaves, he says, "Temperature down five degrees."

-----

The same man is back that night. He opens the window and looks down at Leo with the same leering smile. Leo can't even take satisfaction in the bandage on the side of his head.

"Neat little trick you had yesterday," he says. "Almost got me fired."

Leo wishes it had gotten him fired. But he clearly has no luck in this situation.

"You know, I respect the attempt. And you probably would have gotten farther with a little food in your belly." The man reaches down, then retrieves a sandwich, as mouth-wateringly unappetizing as the last time. "You sure you don't want this?"

And Leo knows he shouldn't trust this guy. Leo knows he should say no.

But he's just...

so...

hungry.

So he gets up. And he turns to the window. On shaking limbs that can barely hold him upright anymore. With a body that is laced with pain and aches and cramps.

And he nods.

The man's smile gets wider. "What do you say?" he asks, in the sing-song tone of a parent scolding a child.

It makes a sick nausea rise in Leo's throat. But he wants the sandwich.

"Please," he gasps out.

"Mmm... not good enough." The man waves the sandwich. "You want this? You beg for it."

Leo stares, eyes wide. But the sandwich... the sandwich...

He gets down on his knees. Feels a searing flush of humiliation. His stomach is rolling and gurgling and cramping with pain, a hollow, empty chasm inside him desperate to be filled.

He lowers his head.

"Please," he says. "I... I want the sandwich. I'm... begging you, please."

The man laughs, loud and long. When Leo finally finds it in him to raise his eyes, the sandwich is already half eaten.

"Hey, good job," says the man, licking a bit of mustard off his thumb. "That was real convincin'."

And then he takes another bite.

Just like that, Leo forgets about the pain, the aches, the cold, the hunger. All that's left is pure, white hot, screaming rage.

Leo lunges at the window and slams his fist into it so hard it cracks. Not enough to break the glass. Not enough to free him. But enough that the man startles and steps back.

And Leo starts to laugh. High and manic and unhinged even to his own ears.

"I'll kill you," he says, and his voice sounds almost joking, and yet- "I'll kill you. You're dead. You're dead, as soon as I get out of here, you're dead, I'll kill you, I'LL KILL YOU!"

The man has dropped the rest of his sandwich. He fumbles for his gun, left somewhere on a table to the side. For one satisfying moment, Leo sees a flash of genuine fear on the man's face.

"Shit," he says, his voice far away the further he gets from the microphone. "Pretty scary, frogboy."

Then he slams a button, and the window goes black, and Leo gets a glimpse of his own reflection.

His face is gaunt and drawn. His eyes are ringed by deep circles, so dark they look like bruises. His body is shaking like a leaf.

And his stripes...

His stripes are lit up like when he uses his ninpo, but they aren't their usual Neon Leon bright.

They're almost black.

Leo gasps and stumbles back just as the window goes white. The full body quakes he feels now aren't from the cold or the hunger or the exhaustion.

He turns and sinks onto the cot. Puts his face in his hands and tries to breathe. Tries to will his ninpo to stop rolling and snapping and to go back to normal.

This isn't what he wants. This isn't him.

This place is breaking him. He's letting it break him.

He pulls his legs up onto the cot and buries his face in his knees. Wraps his arms around them and rocks gently, the way Donnie used to do when things got overwhelming. Maybe he understands that better, now.

This isn't him. He's Leonardo, Neon Leon, the face-man, the jokester! The one who's always ready with a quip and a laugh. The one who can do anything!

Except portal out of his room. Except escape from this building. Except resist begging for a sandwich like he's a dog.

Leo's breath hitches, and for once he doesn't stop himself. He knows the guy outside is probably watching. He knows there are cameras recording this. He hates giving them the satisfaction.

But he's tired, and hungry, and he...

He wants to go home.

He cries, silently, until he's completely rung out.

-----

Maybe they aren't coming.

That's the thought that pops into his head, just a bit after the first water bottle of the day.

He knew they would have gotten a late start, because he stormed out. And he knew it would take them awhile to figure out who took him - he hadn't heard of the EPF before, so why would they? And he knew it would take them time to figure out where he had been taken, which must have been pretty far out if it's snowing outside. But the EPF got him here within a night, he's pretty sure, so unless they have a super fast jet, he must still be on the continent somewhere.

So... so surely they must have figured it out by now, right? Raph is leading the team. Donnie is doing science things. Mikey is razzing his tazz. April is using her investigative skills.

Unless they aren't coming.

Maybe... maybe it's true. Why would they want him back, after all? Leo took Raph's leader position, and since then all he'd managed to do was piss Raph off. Mikey and Donnie hadn't been happy about it, either, and he'd noticed that they'd been avoiding him more and more. April claimed she wasn't taking sides, but she always seemed to be on Raph's anyway. And Dad... well, he was probably disappointed that he made Leo leader only for him to do nothing and then get himself kidnapped.

He doesn't bring anything to the team. He doesn't bring anything to the family. And no one likes his jokes.

So. Maybe they just... aren't looking. Maybe they aren't going to come.

Maybe he's held out this long for no reason. Maybe he's been cold and starving for no reason at all.

Maybe it's time to give up.

---

Don't give up, says a new voice in his head.

You are not alone.

-----

He has no energy left to stand when Bishop comes. The man looks down at him, lips pressed into a thin line.

"You don't look well," he observes.

No shit, Leo wants to say.

"This has gone on long enough. Answer my questions, and we will provide you with food, clothing, and medical care."

The list is getting longer. Leo's fuzzy eyes stare up at Bishop. Medical care. Does he need that?

"You already know what I want to know." Bishop has a furrow between his eyebrows now. "Will you talk to me?"

He could. He could do it. He could finally have some relief from all the pain. All the hunger. All the cold.

But they might hurt the yokai in the Hidden City.

They might hurt Draxum.

They might hurt his family.

And maybe, if nothing else... if Leo could just keep his mouth shut, just this once...

Maybe that would finally make Raph, Dad, and everyone proud of him.

Maybe they'd finally trust him.

Maybe, at least, he can have that much.

Leo shakes his head.

Bishop scowls.

"Temperature down ten degrees."

-----

Leo isn't shivering anymore. That's probably a bad sign.

He can still see his breath, each time he exhales. It rises like smoke, before disappearing into the air.

He doesn't have any energy left, not even to chew on his new water bottles. He hasn't even collected the last two, and they sit crowded together in the slot, untouched.

He kind of wishes they had just dissected him from the beginning. It would have been faster. Freezing to death, he's decided, is a real zero out of ten. Starving to death isn't any better. No stars.

Even though the damn lights are still on, he feels extremely sleepy. It's probably the cold. He wonders what will happen if he brumates. He's never done it before, not like his little cousins, and he has no idea if it's even safe.

Probably not, given he has no calorie reserves left. All it means is he won't be drinking water, either.

But he's so sleepy.

It's going to be time soon for Bishop to come back. Leo doesn't know what the point is anymore. Maybe he'll just sleep through it. Yeah, that would really make him mad. And making Bishop mad is all he has at this point.

And he'll get to sleep. It's a win-win.

So thinking, Leo rolls himself over onto his belly. Then, one by one, he pulls his limbs into his shell.

He doesn't do this much anymore, not since he started growing. His body just doesn't seem to fit his shell like it should - a side effect of the mutation, probably. It's not really comfortable to be inside for long.

But Leo is sleepy. And his shell feels like the best place to be.

So he pulls in his legs, then his arms, and then, finally, his head.

It's not any warmer in here. But at least it's dark.

At least he's not shivering.

Leo sighs, content, and closes his eyes, and drifts to sleep.

-----

(Outside his cell, there's a bang, and shouting, and a gunshot.

The sound is muffled, and Leo sleeps on.)

-----

Part 1 (here) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 Part A |

[niki-phoria]

THERE'LL BE NO MORE SORROW / I'LL SEE YOU THERE TOMORROW

pairing: fushiguro megumi x gn!reader (no pronouns used) genre: hurt comfort word count: 781

notes: very (possibly ooc) megumi heavy, not proofread, mentions of blood/injuries, set immediately after shibuya arc, spoilers for jjk s2 lol, title from txt - i’ll see you there tomorrow

the makeshift hospital in jujutsu high smells like artificial lemons and bleach. the lights above are blindingly bright as FUSHIGURO MEGUMI squints up at the ceiling, patiently awaiting shoko’s return. there’s a dull ache somewhere in his shoulder and his vision is still a little hazy, but his injuries are otherwise superficial. 

unfortunately, the same cannot be said for yours.

megumi bites his tongue. crying will do nothing to help you, but it’s so hard not to. he curls his trembling hands into fists, tightly holding the blue blanket covering most of his body in his grip. his sadness and worry has slowly begun turning to anger. anger towards the higher-ups who sent two teenagers into shibuya with no preparation. anger towards the curse who hurt you so carelessly - leaving your body bloody and broken and bruised. anger towards himself for not being there. not being fast enough. not being strong enough. 

swallowing the lump forming in his throat, megumi stares up at the chipped paint coating the ceiling. it’s a light beige - a colour that reminds him of nanami’s signature suit. nanami. the tears in his eyes slip down his cheeks.

megumi pulls his knees up to his chest, curling his body in on itself. he lets his eyes flutter closed once again, focusing on the slow and steady inhale and exhale of his breathing. 

time passes. hours, maybe? megumi jumps when the door swings open; the once silent room now filled with the familiar clacking of shoko’s heels against the floor. “fushiguro,” shoko’s voice is cold as she enters the room. her piercing glare meets megumi’s gaze, making the boy lower his shoulders slightly in defeat. “i thought i told you to be more careful.”

“i’m sorry.” her concern isn’t unfounded, but it does little to soothe megumi’s worries. 

shoko notices, and sighs. she steps forward to rest a hand against the wooden bed frame. “your injuries weren’t that severe. i’m giving you a few days to rest, and then you’ll be ready to return to your missions.” she pauses. megumi looks up at her expectantly. “y/n is in the room next to yours. they haven’t woken up yet, but their condition is stable. you can go see them whenever you’d like.”

he swallows the lump in his throat. the tension in his shoulders falters, but only slightly. her sharp gaze lingers on the bandage wrapped tightly around megumi’s head longer than necessary. he shifts uncomfortably under her gaze; his hands play with a loose thread on the blanket. shoko’s fingertips nonchalantly flip through the papers with surgical precision. it’s not like there’s any need to keep a record of his injuries, anyway.

“thank you, ieiri-san,“ megumi murmurs. shoko purses her lips. whatever words she wants to say thankfully remain left in her throat. her heels clink against the cold, tile floor as she turns to exit the room, finally leaving megumi alone in the silence once again.

megumi stares at the wall for too long. time passes without him noticing. he waits until his legs ache from the stillness and his eyes burn. the world around him has fallen into silence once again. finally, he stands up on shaky knees, carefully making his way towards your hospital room. 

you’re exactly where shoko said you would be - in the state she said you would be in. megumi notices the bandages wrapped around your arms and the bruises littering your skin in patches. his breath hitches in his throat. 

your room is colder than his was. or, maybe it’s his imagination? megumi isn’t sure. he moves in a daze as he sits down beside your bedside, watching the steady rise and fall of your chest. 

megumi leans his head against his hands, sending prayers to gods he isn’t sure he even believes in. he waits for what feels like hours, until-

“megumi?” your voice is quiet and cracks, but it’s yours. you blink a few times, squinting up at him. he stares at you in shock; wide eyes bore into your own before he’s scrambling, throwing his arms around your body and pulling you against his chest. you wince slightly but return the hug nonetheless, wrapping your own arms around his shoulders. 

“megumi,” you repeat, breathless.

“i’m here,” he whispers. his voice is muffled against the fabric of your shirt. tears sting against your skin as they roll down his cheeks in waves, but neither of you can find it in yourselves to care. 

megumi pulls away just enough to look at your face; his teary eyes and flushed cheeks match your own. despite himself, he smiles, leaning in to press a chaste kiss against your cheek. “i’m here.”

taglist (open! send an ask/dm to be added): @sunoooism @vamxpi @sad-darksoul @kamote-kuneho

if you liked this fic, please consider leaving a like, comment, feedback, or rebloging !! and if you want to support me, check out my jjk masterlist <33

[be-missed]

Bad for Business

Jenna Ortega X Fem!Reader

(picture not mine)

Summary: After receiving a text message from her manager, what would Jenna do? Will she and Y/N can still fix their friendship?

Warning/s: curse words.

A/N: Part 3, thanks for waiting, noticed you liked this one. Emma Myers is the Emma. Also, give me a name for Y/N's best friend, please.

Masterlist

Cool About It (Part 1) | Nothing To Lose (Part 2)

______________________________________________________________

Jenna is currently sitting on the sofa on her manager's office.

"What is your problem Jenna? You have invited a big crowd and thank heavens we don't need to delete much picture from the both of you because they were so surprised from what you did. We only have a few twitter and tiktok accounts that still post what happened." Jenna's manager told her as he seats in front of the girl.

"I'm sorry..."

The only words that came out from Jenna's mouth ever since she was brought by her manager from Y/N's unit to the office, because inside her head, she goes back to the moment where Y/N admitted her feelings. She could've react differently instead of being silent, she could've agreed to Y/N and talk to her, or maybe she can kiss Y/N to prove that she also wants to kiss the girl, or maybe just maybe, she doesn't pull the shit from the park and just watched a movie.

There are so many 'what if's' and 'could've been' that's running inside Jenna's mind not until the voice of her manager removed her from her thoughts.

"Do you understand? We just need you to follow what we said and we will be alright" Jenna's manager said and looked at her intently, looking like he will never take a no for an answer.

Jenna then just nodded her head and quietly said "yes."

Jenna's team was now fixing the table and the papers that were scattered on the table not until Jenna broke the chaos "Please don't contact Y/N anymore. I don't need you in her business." She said and looked intently to her team, and directed it to her manager.

A long pause was given, half-heartedly, her manager nodded. That made Jenna feal at ease somehow, because she doesn't want Y/N to get stress about this issue, it is all her fault anyway.

Even though Jenna doesn't quite remember what are the rules that her manager and her team gave her, she just go with it, because it's normally lesser public appearance, lesser use of her social media, and sadly, lesser meet-ups with Y/N. She thinks she can handle it, because in a few week, she'll be back to filming Wednesday S2 and just will be facetiming Y/N. If Y/N will answer, she thinks.

---

Jenna was now in her bedroom, tired after the long night that she had. Fumbling with her phone, thinking if she should text Y/N and ask her about what happened, Jenna was pulled out from her thoughts by a facetime call, it is Emma.

"I WAS RIGHT" Emma said, "I WAS RIGHT YOU LIED TO ME, HOW COULD YOU?"

Jenna was stunned because what the fuck is Emma talking about, she have no idea, "What are you talking about?" Jenna asked with full curiosity.

"You and your long time friend who owns the coffee shop inside the studio is dating!" Emma exclaimed like stating the truth, Jenna then replied "No, no, what do you mean?"

"Like bestie, your proposal in the lake is all over the internet right now, I should congratulate you, or not I guess" Emma stated as she started to send screenshots to Jenna from twitter to tiktok. Jenna then shakes her head "No, this can't be, my team deleted all the pictures and articles about this." Jenna was slightly panicking because she thought that her team have deleted any pictures and articles from the proposal.

"I'll call you later I promise, bye" Jenna ended the call without giving Emma a chance to reply and reactivated her twitter account just to see what Emma is talking about, and the other girl was right, the both of you are trending.

In her search list, the words that was associated to the both of you are I knew it, dumbass, and Her loss.

She saw tweets like stating that they knew it from the start that Jenna and Y/N was in a relationship, another tweet said that Y/N was dumb to reject Jenna, and some were begging Jenna that if she proposed to them they will say 'yes'. But Jenna thought, they are not Y/N, they are not the person that she likes.

After opening Twitter, she went straight to tiktok and search her name, which is probably not the right thing to do but she wants to see what people say to you, the last thing that she wants is for the general public to hate you and blame you.

And with that, almost all of the videos of Jenna and Y/N are edited with the song Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift. Captions in the videos are quoting the lyrics from "You won't remember all her Champagne Problems" to "I can patch up the tapestry that she shred." She also saw some comments in the video saying "she's fucked in the head" pertaining to Y/N.

That broke her, why are you getting all the hate if it is all her fault? You don't deserve this madness that she brought to your life because all you did was to bring her sunshine and be the silver lining to every dark cloud that she had. You were right, she thought.

Jenna then calls her manager and he answered fast "I thought you all deleted the pictures and the news? What happened now?" Jenna said full in rage, angry for what the public is labeling you as, "I thought you agreed?" Her manager replied "We would not delete the pictures and the news, but we would let it grow, we can handle it anyways, we just need to get Y/N out of the picture and make sure that she will not be part of any narrative. That woman is bad for business Jenna, we're telling you."

That stunned Jenna, all the time that they were talking inside the office she was so occupied with thoughts of you that she fucking agreed with this shit where you are scrutinized. Jenna then starts to cry and ended the call. What she did next will probably make her manager more angry with her.

She went out of her bedroom, grab her coat, grab her keys, ride her car, and drove to your apartment.

---

Currently in your apartment, you are with you best friend trying to read all the shit that was thrown into you in the internet. You told her the whole story and she thought that was a shit move for Jenna, because not only her manager hated you, but now, almost all of the people in the world hated you.

"I told you Y/N it was a bad idea to go that day didn't I?" your best friend told you proving a point but you can't even focus on her voice because you were so drowned out with your own thoughts that was coming in like a flood.

Your best friend kept on talking and talking until they noticed that you were just spacing out and sat next to you and pulled you in a hug which you gladly melt in to, "I'm sorry this is happening, I didn't mean to blame you, but your friend is fucking shit."

A knock to your door was heard which your best friend gladly attend to. Opening the door they were so stunned for seeing who is in the other side, Jenna.

"What do you need?" your best friend tells Jenna, which she answered "I need to talk to Y/N please." Your best friend just looked at Jenna not until your voice was heard from the inside telling that Jenna should come in.

"You have the guts to show up here, make this right." Your best friend threatens Jenna and left the apartment leaving you and Jenna alone.

"I'm sorry" Jenna started, looking at your back. You tap the empty space beside you and that is where Jenna is walking to, seating beside you.

"I wanna blame you for everything Jenna." Y/N blurted out, not facing Jenna, "I wanna blame you for everything that is happening right now." Y/N lets out a heavy sigh.

Jenna answered "I know, I know, and I'm sorry, I should be the one who gets to be blamed, I don't know what to say, I'm really just sorry and I wanted to tell that you were right." Jenna is now trying to stop the tears from falling while she looks at you, "Y/N please, look at me, just tell me what to do for you to forgive me, I'll do it, please" Jenna begs.

Y/N looked at Jenna with so much pain in her eyes, "be gone."

Seconds have passed, Jenna was too stunned to even speak, still processing what you said.

"No, Y/N please no, this can't be" Jenna said, "This was what your manager wanted in the first place, he wanted me out of the picture ever since you blow up. I don't fucking blame him for that because who am I, right? But this is not the way I imagined it" Y/N looked so defeated in Jenna's eyes. Y/N was willing to give up their friendship, even if it's not what she wants.

"No, that's not gonna happen Y/N, you are my best friend and I can't just leave you hanging, getting all the scrutiny from the media, from the public. This is entirely my fault, please, don't ask me to leave." Jenna plead, because that was the last thing that Jenna wats to do, to leave you.

"Jenna we can't be friends okay, don't you understand? You leaving me would benefit the both of us; it will benefit you since there will be one less problem to your management and it will benefit me because it can possibly help me to move on from you." Y/N said with a sad smile.

"Move on? The hell are you saying? There will be no moving on for you because..." Jenna said, making Y/N confused "because I like you too. I like you too, just like how you like me Y/N."

Y/N laughed "Stop with the pity Jenna, I know you are sorry but you don't need to tell me that you like me to give me a proper closure."

"No, but I'm not lying Y/N, I swear to God, I like you too and I'm just too scared to admit it to myself because I got so scared for what will happen to me, to us, to our friendship." Jenna said, trying to convince Y/N, but Y/N won't budge and just shakes her head.

"Jenna it's okay, you don't need to lie, I understand" Y/N said standing up from the sofa.

"But you don't understand Y/N, I like you, for real, without a doubt. Even before this shit happened, even before that dinner in our house, that night stroll in K-town, the first picture of us from the public, even before my manager knew you; I liked you since then" Jenna said standing up and getting a hold of your hand.

Y/N started to shake her head and retracted her hands from Jenna's hold "This can't be Jenna" Jenna then answered "How can you not believe that I like you Y/N."

"Because I'm just me Jenna, I'm just me and you're you. I mean, you can find someone who's better than me and who will be good for your name, but I'm just me Jenna" Y/N explained.

"But that's it Y/N, I like you because you are you, and I wouldn't want to like anyone because they are not you," Jenna said and continued "Please just tell me what can I do, please."

Y/N sat on the far side of the sofa, her mind twirling with the words that came out from Jenna's mouth. She's very glad that Jenna likes her back, but the damage was done, the media hates her, Jenna's manager hates her, and the public hates her. But most importantly, Jenna hurt her.

"I honestly don't know Jenna" Y/N confessed "You hurt me, and I don't know what to do. The public also despise me, and your manager hates me."

Jenna then kneels beside Y/N and said "I know, I know. I'm gonna tell you how sorry I am and I will apologize until you forgive me but I also know that it isn't enough for you to forgive me. The damage is big and let me just think of a way to handle it. As for my manager, let me just think again." and chuckled looking at you.

Y/N knows to herself that a simple apology from Jenna will make all the pain go away, but this is different, Jenna really hurts Y/N's feelings.

Y/N gave a sad smile to Jenna which Jenna gave back, she rested her head at Y/N's thigh and dropped a light kiss on her knees. Y/N tried to relax in the seat and puts her hand on Jenna's hair and caress it that makes the other girl relax too.

Minutes of silence have passed until Jenna bounced between Y/N's thighs and opened her camera.

"What are you doing?" Y/N asked Jenna and the other girl answered "I'm gonna do something. You just need to stay still, okay?"

Jenna puts her phone down, directed to your indoor slippers since the both of you decided to buy a matching indoor slippers because "it's cute", and captures it.

It surprised Y/N "Okay, what the fuck was that for?" Jenna then answered Y/N "Since my management is not dropping any statement and I didn't sign any contract to get you out of my life, I will be the one to make an announcement."

Y/N questionably looked at Jenna, not sure on what Jenna will do with the picture, not until Y/N saw Jenna opened her Instagram account.

"Jenna, NO." Y/N said while trying to get Jenna's phone, but Jenna knows that Y/N will gonna do so Jenna pushed Y/N away from her and starts to type.

Y/N then surrender, both of her hands up in the air and said "Okay, I'm not gonna get your phone, but please just tell me what you're doing."

Jenna then situated her phone between the both of them and made Y/N read what she typed.

With a surprised look Y/N said "Are you fucking insane? Are you sure? What the hell are you thinking?"

"Please trust me on this." Jenna said with a smile and Y/N just nodded and answered "This doesn't mean I forgive you" and Jenna bring her phone down and looked at Y/N directly and said "I know, I will do my best to earn your forgiveness and trust me back, I just hope you still love me then."

And that made you smile, because you know in your heart, you will always love Jenna, "I will promise to love you" Y/N answered with a small smile.

---

In his office, Jenna's manager was reading what Jenna posted and it is a picture of Jenna and someone's feet, but boy does he know who it belongs

After seeing the post, Jenna's manager can feel the nerve on his right lobe pulsated with what he saw. Because what the fuck is this?

______________________________________________________________

A/N: Thanks for waiting, I hope this satiated you all. Just play nice with the ig post please. I feel like I'm gonna have a headache, lol. I also don't know if I tagged the right people, I'm sorry.

People who wants to be tagged (I hope I get to tag you all):

@lilbitdepressed27 @jusnough @stalinf @mirage018 @geed-3 @atlafanforlife @adam-malkov @belatrixdragon @ijustlovemaths @canvascoloredin

[sapphicscholar]

Hacks Episode 3x09 Thoughts

Okay, so back during S2, I wrote up my thoughts about each pair of Hacks episodes as they dropped – partially for sharing but largely as an archive for myself of my own thoughts/feelings to revisit when I watched the episodes later to see how they held up, how it compared to watch them serially vs. as a whole season, etc. Anyway, I was incredibly stressed out and busy for much of this season (after over a year of that being the key set of words to describe my life), but I wanted to throw out my thoughts about the finale before they grow too stale! And maybe I’ll come back and revisit the prior episodes in posts later when I have the time (hopefully in just a couple short weeks!) to enjoy them properly

As always, disjointed bulleted lists are the name of the game, going from the big picture to the detailed:

Overall, this felt like a very solid episode in the vein of season 1 in many ways! It brought us back to the interpersonal as the primary ground of conflict after many episodes (here and in S2) of the new hour, the special, and the Late Night host gig quest being our main plot drivers (which, at many times, made for weaker storytelling for reasons that exceed the scope of this post!). In particular, I felt like this episode hit its stride around the halfway point, and never really faltered after that in impressive ways!

That being said, I had two somewhat significant critiques of the finale (both of which reflect larger trends about strands of the show that continue to leave me a little disappointed)

We should have seen Marcus' conversation with Deborah about the new job. Period. I'll get into what could have been cut in my second critique, but even if there weren't weak spots in the episode, I still would have been deeply disappointed in the show for this oversight, especially since they apparently filmed it. Although Hacks is clearly a show with a leading duo, it once had a core ensemble, but S2 saw them moved more and more to B-plots and bit roles, and now S3 has seen many of the characters we know and love eliminated almost entirely--a point that's particularly galling given that it's almost entirely characters of color (many of them canonically queer) who have been cut in favor of new white characters. Moreover, this scene would have been SO IMPORTANT - I could have seen it going 2 ways: a) Marcus quits after the convo where Deborah tells Ava she's willing to lose her, and Deborah has a reaction that is so utterly outsized because it's the terror of losing the person she's had with her the longest now compounded with the reality setting in that she's also driven away the woman who gave her new life when she most needed it; or b) Marcus shows up to quit, and Deborah immediately launches into a rant about Ava's leaving, which puts Marcus in the awkward spot of adding to that at a pivotal moment in the career of the woman he's spent much of his adult life with or giving up something he needs to do for himself; it could have been a lovely callback to S1 when he shows up with his whole speech prepared but then accepts the promotion without ever telling Deborah how he feels - only this time Marcus would have changed so much, and he'd have the opportunity to showcase that growth by insisting that he needs to do this for him. So many lost opportunities...

re what could have been cut because imo it did NOT work: Kathy Vance's return. Now, I love Hacks in large part because it insists on the complexity of its characters. No one is purely the victim or the hero of the story, and Deborah's "click" moment showcased that better than anything. AND YET the writing here did not work. Back in the Christmas ep, I messaged a friend saying I was glad that they brought Kathy back but seemed not to ask us to side with her - after all, she comes crashing back into Deborah's life, doesn't take ownership over her actions and in fact insists she was in the right because it only happened a few times, because Deborah wasn't sleeping with him (very "you weren't playing with it, so it's mine now" little sister energy that is deeply unappealing in a grown ass adult), and because they were the "better couple" which is, I'm sorry, NEVER the fucking thing to tell someone whose marriage and life you destroyed. I joked then that I'd take back my compliments if her role in the finale suggested that actually we should be on Kathy's side here. And lo and behold... What's a real bummer is that there were ways to do this better! Because you can have sympathy for an imperfect character--this show is a testament to that fact!--but not like this. We as an audience have no reason to side with Kathy when she insists that Deborah will be worse than ever and berates her for cutting their weekend short. Instead, we see a woman with a large sense of entitlement she's done nothing to earn and directorial choices that don't make it a smooth transition. But what could have been lovely is, for instance, treating the Christmas and finale reunions as these deflationary moments of anticipation and disappointment because they are, after this many decades, essentially strangers to one another. Had we seen two women who longed for the deep affective ties of their childhood relationship only to be confronted with the cold hard fact of their estrangement from one anther, it would have been so much more powerful. And here you could ACTUALLY garner sympathy (some) for Kathy by having it be this moment of "I lost my sister" partially through her own actions "to Late Night once, and now, right when I have a chance to try to build something with her again, I feel like I'm going to lose her again before I can even really try to do right by her this go around." THAT could have worked. This was just too much time on something that did almost nothing in the grand scheme of the plot (because we didn't have the emotional connection to feel it as another compounding loss for Deborah in an episode where Ava's "and you're going to die alone" could have landed with even more force)

Okay so it turns out this is getting hella fucking long, so some shorter praise and giddy feelings things:

I LOVE how often Ava got to say the things we've all been squeeing about for years during this episode - especially that the material is good because of their relationship, not the other way around; their dynamic is not incidental to the work, and that's so important to me personally.

I had guessed that Ava would be offered head writer and quit her current job, only to have it taken away because Deborah was too scared to rock the boat, but I did NOT see the end coming! In fact, I kind of thought Ava might end up suing Deborah for intellectual property theft (using material Ava wrote outside of her contractual appointment for the new show because, surprise surprise, the writers who sucked when she was a guest still suck now compared to Ava!) In fact, I sort of thought that end scene might end up being a return to the car scene, and was relishing the thought of Ava's mimicking Deb's "It'll be fun, honey." But the blackmail as a form of love/devotion was soooo much better. Truly chef's kiss.

Also the way this rewrote the S2 finale even as the underlying message remained the same is so special to me - I'll stay with you even when it's bad for me (sacrificing my career -> sacrificing my morals) because it's good for you and more importantly it's good for us and the work. JPL know how to write a finale, and I'd give up a kidney to have that same energy be there throughout a whole season again (not that the eps are bad, but they lack some of the sharpness in writing and emotional depth that JPL do so well with finales and also often with the first couple eps of a season too)

Lastly JPL going on the record that Deborah was turned on by that final scene + Ava's "I would, wouldn't you?" and "Let's begin" - truly some of the hottest TV. We're so back babyyy. No more half naked superheroes with all the eroticism of a desk chair. Give me messy women determined to fling themselves into the air because they know the thrill is worth everything good and safe they're leaving behind, even if they hit the ground with no parachute!

I have many, many thoughts about S3 and what's to come, but I'll save them for another post because phewww this got long as fuck

[imminent-danger-came]

Very very sorry for the spam but you are the only person outside of my immediate friend group who enjoys both shadowpeach AND dragonfruit in the very specific way that I do 🛐🛐🛐

Like I am the BIGGESTTTTT believer in aroace swk who has only ever really loved mcq in That Specific Way. Like not romantic but also not completely platonic— he loved him and he loved him in a way he never loved anyone else which is what mattered most. And mcq I see as...idk! Maybe he's aroace too, regardless I think he also loved and only loved swk BECAUSE he was swk. That is all that ever mattered to him. That it was swk. Loyal to a fault; even after swk hurt him so much, even after he hurt swk just as much. (Haha this is just like I'm Your Man by Mitski—)

And I do NOT see them as cutesy or as like a sweet and domestic couple. They are FAR from over their many, many issues and they will always have that bit of toxicity and hurt no matter how much they may hypothetically mellow out bc the ways in which they hurt each other WAS unforgivable. But the thing is, does that even matter? Does it matter if they'll still love each other anyways? If, in the end, all they ever wanted was to be by each others side even as they were covered in each others blood and blinded by their own heartbreak, anger, and hatred. Love. Obsession. Whatever it was that they felt for each other.

I also like,,, even if they somehow hypothetically hot their shit together enough to be a "functioning couple", I do not see them w any of the typical relationship labels like I think mcq would hurl if u called swk his boyfriend, husband, lover, etc like PLEASE I understand not everyone will have the same opinions and ship dynamics and I respect it, but I have a very specific view on their relationship and they are neither romantic or platonic, but a secret third thing. But they are also actually both. Whatever it is, it's love. A love that grew sharp and bent in its intensity when that love festered into a hatred that edged the line of obsession far too many times to ever be "normal" hatred.

Okay I think I've ranted enough. For now. Thankyou very much if u read all of this I have so very many shadowpeach thoughts 🛐

OMG HELLO

You are the only person outside of my immediate friend group who understands shadowpeach the way I do

I could honestly also read Macaque as allo, but no matter what their relationship is so aspec/arospec to me. Like whatever their bond was, it didn't matter because they had each other. Until they didn't. Until they knew their relationship was one of hatred. Until it was somehow even more complicated.

What drives me crazier is at this point, they would both choose MK over each other. It's pretty clear that Macaque expected Wukong to sacrifice himself in MK's place v ("He needs to know it's not all on him" "It doesn't always have to be you!" "Get the kid you idiot" "Wukong..."), because that was what he was willing to loose. He had already lost Wukong before, but MK? He's someone neither Macaque or Wukong could bear leaving them (the way they left each other). Like s5 committed so hard in the run motif ("You're the one always running off!"), and MK has been set up to be the one to leave Wukong since like s2.

It's also rare for me to run into another dragonfruit fan!! Tbh it is kinda just the text, but I find them so interesting. Like what if Mei handled the worst parts of Red Son better than he ever did. What if their mentor/mentee dynamic parallels MK and Macaque ("You don't use a weapon, you ARE a weapon! - "Don't use the flame Mei..." "Be the flame!"). What if Red Son knew Mei would stop at nothing to free his parents, the way he stopped at nothing to free her.

But also, what if Red Son was Mei's silly rabbit.

I know some people despise 5x05, but the truth is that Red Son has always been a support character to Mei. Even in AHiB, Mei and Red Son are often singled out together (ilu Mei saving MK and "I'll handle this" scenes). It's more obvious in 1x06 or 1x08, where Mei and Red are both racers and, of course, "Red flames are cool! Want to see some green ones?". RoTSQ focuses entirely on Mei and Red Son's relationship, which is continued into 3x06 and beyond.

Thank you for the rant it was a good read!

[ink-going-insane]

random mystreet and diaries ramble time! specifically about travis!

travis is a really really important character to me. i probably oc-ified him in my mind on accident but iiit's fine probably. but either way he's really special to me with how his character is.

i'll probably end up rambling more about mystreet than diaries because i have more of a personal attachment to ms since that's what i mainly grew up with, so i'm sorry about that in advance ^^;

i'm also. putting it all under a read more because it's gonna get Long. so yea another warning in advance for that!

both in mystreet and diaries, it feels like travis tries to be a sorta comic-relief character at times to get everyone to smile and ignore their troubles. he does really stupid things to distract others from their issues because he's really big on having his friends feel better and happy. he's not the best at communicating at times, but he tries his best by just being weird and getting people to smile. his not too good communication skills do unfortunately cause him to use some of the...tricks he knows at Bad Times (one example being in diaries s2 when lucinda first sees her mother iirc) but he always means well and genuinely just wants everyone to be happy. even in the end of season 6 of mystreet, after everything that happened, the moment he was free and woke up and saw katelyn, he flirts with her in an effort to cheer her up even though they both just went through Hell.

travis is a really selfless character to me. in diaries, with the added s3 enki island lore, travis was essentially fighting a battle that No One There acknowledged. they all thought Travis was the cursed person causing the imps and all that jazz to show and he just. lived with it. he kept saying it was fine when his friends tried to defend him. and then there was the incident in the phoenix alliance island where people were scared of him and iirc he acted like it was fine but it really isn't but aaaaaa. and i'm so so so so happy with his choice after they got enki's relic. his choice to essentially discover himself and live freely without chaining himself down to another burden is something i will forever adore because he deserves it!! and i was so happy he saw that opportunity of freedom, to maybe feel the joy he's been wanting to feel for a long time. i don't know if any of this makes sense i really hope it does.

in mystreet travis's life is more...calm? i guess? there's the child experimentation that happened and then the whole thing of thinking his dad had two different personalities randomly with one of them being Horrible, which actually on second thought my irene does this poor guy still suffer. though we never actually really see any of it and only hear about his father's (well, michael's) negative actions (not including the child experimentation) Twice. once from lucinda talking to kim in s5 and a second time from travis talking to himself in the last episode of s6. he doesn't really talk about himself and instead opts for just vibing in the moment, and doesn’t mind listening to other's troubles.

it's obvious during pdh that he's pretty socially awkward, especially with having dante for a friend. and i think he was his only friend until starting high school where travis met aphmau and the others. like not to be rude but have you Seen dante. guy is a horrible influence. anyway so yea travis wasn't the best at communication, but this is also when he first manages to make someone Smile. he says some really bad pick-up lines to katelyn in s1 in an attempt to cheer her up after her break-up and it gets her to Smile and it distracted her from her troubles and that's when he realized that he can make others Happy with his shenanigans. and so he kept at it, because he wants people and those he cares about to Smile.

oh and quick (not quick i lied) side tangent about the Not Alone Buddies and also travis's role in the story of pdh. aphmau and travis's friendship is so so so special to me. partly because it reminds me of my own friendships vibe-wise, but also because of their special connection. i'm a bit upset that it wasn't expanded upon more during the main mystreet story but it does make a bit of sense since friendships can occasionally drift apart a little bit as you get older so the two of them aren't as close as they used to be. but i still wish they showed more of the closeness that Should Have Been There!! especially in pdh where he was set up to be sorta important! instead of opting for "here's a bunch of scenes with love interests for aphmau that you know aren't going to end up with her and almost nothing else other than strict plot mostly surrounding aphmau and her love interests" they should've had more scenes of her with her friends!!! and travis!!!! and also vylad!!!!!! because they became a trio after he transferred and that literally Never got expanded upon! i don't even think there's another scene of travis with vylad after their first meeting, i genuinely don't remember there being another one At All. maybe one or two? or just none at all and either way that's Bad. and vylad also barely has any proper scenes with aphmau also it hurts. this is a travis post but by extension it's also a Not Alone Buddies post because i love them forever and vylad should've gotten more screentime >:( along with a lot of the other characters they deserved so much more! and it really bothers me that they set up travis to be sorta important at the start of pdh, only to quickly demote him to side character and comedy duo with dante. it really hurts.

in main story mystreet he gets a bit more attention but it's mostly for a comic relief kinda thing at the start. the fact most of his character in s1 got retconned is really funny to me. anyway he gets character development in season 2!! he stood up for himself because katelyn was being Not Nice and i'm so proud of him for it!!! this is also when him being a creep mostly stops iirc so that's nice, but i tend to pretend the creepy scenes Don't Exist in the first place. anyway after that there isn't really much development for him iirc until season 5, though of course there's that nice fun scene in aphmau's year where michael says hello, but he shows up a lot more in season 5 and of course season 6. in s5 it's like "huh i have a weird voice in my head and i suddenly occasionally can't control my actions but surely it must've been me. oh well as long as it makes katelyn happy :)" and like. it's so precious he just wants her to be happy and it hurts knowing michael's intentions and stuff because in both s5 and the start of s6 he just wanted katelyn to smile and be happy and safe so he was okay with letting the weird voice do its thing as long as it helped. it uh. stopped helping after The Incident. but even when he was trapped in his own mind and forced to watch he wanted so badly for it all to stop because he didn't want his friends to suffer. he didn't care what happened to him as long as his friends would be okay, which is why his monologue in the last episode horrifies me. i read a theory that he's going to sacrifice himself to stop the rumored meteor in s7 and something'll cause everyone to forget him and i really really really hope that doesn't happen i hope s7 gives him an actual calming break in the end please.

i'll be honest i...don't know where i was actually going with this post. it just kinda happened. i was alone with my thoughts (bad) and i saw a post with travis on it and just went "travis :)" in my mind and the next thing i knew this wall of text got vomited onto my phone screen. thinking of travis will now be my comfort i guess?? i just think he's neat <3

[givehimthemedicine]

how 4 sets the scene for Blind Max

another reason I suspect she'll have a blindness arc continuing into/through 5 is that I've been thinking about how Max's season 4, from its very first to very last second, lays groundwork de-prioritizing sense of sight for her and often shifting importance onto hearing.

on the surface, this is all just aspects of her depression/curse experience this season, but it all has the side effect of helping prepare her for blindness.

let's go:

do you wanna hear about the deal that I'm making? 🎵

Max's s4 begins with her shutting out the world around her to focus on her music all the time,

and that's before it's revealed to be a very literal lifeline. the special power of music here places enormous importance on sense of hearing (which has also benefitted Will, Victor, and the other Pennhurst inmates)

(deaf Vecna victim: "guess I'll die")

Lucas's basketball game

Max not wanting to attend the game was about not wanting to be seen by Lucas, rather than not wanting to see Lucas. she has no problem seeing Lucas - check out those heart eyes at the pep rally but only when he isn't looking.

she doesn't not care about him. she's just hiding from him.

so they could easily have established Max secretly caring via a scene where she does attend, watching but staying out of sight. maybe it turns out she refused his ticket because she actually already had one. or maybe she gets a ride from Eddie and gets to the gym and reaches for a door handle and hesitates and goes home instead.

instead they chose for her to keep tabs on Lucas without seeing the game at all, by listening instead. (looked upon by a poster with giant eyes lol)

not only tasty as a foreshadow, but a great little touch to set up Max knowing that her connection/enjoyment of her friends and awareness of what's going on doesn't depend solely on her ability to see.

bonus: her only line in that scene? "alright, I hear you" (because that dog barks)

shutting her eyes

Vecna doesn't blind his victims (well. not at the beginning) but instead forces visions upon them, so instead of their actual surroundings they see horrifying things, both literally and in a depression-metaphor way.

anyway, how does Max escape Vecna in DB? she shuts her eyes to the darkness he's forcing her to see, and focuses on the light - the love of her friends - which she knows to be the truth.

that worked the first time, and it worked again to escape the Creel house vision.

where it failed was at the snow ball, I think because Vecna got too much in her head by talking to her, and she couldn't concentrate. (the other two times he didn't talk to her while she was trying to hide in her memories, but this time he won't shut up).

after that, she seems to have given up on shutting her eyes, maybe because Vecna has figured out to target her hearing. because at the next attempt, her eyes stay wide open, and I think she would've been killed except for El interrupting. the third time, her eyes stayed open and she was killed.

avoiding eye contact

4 Max carries on a considerable chunk of her conversations staring off to the side, especially when the topic is herself.

not that this is unique to season 4 or to Max - people just tend to avoid eye contact when uncomfortable. for example, Max barely looks at Lucas throughout the s2 heart to heart on the bus either. this is just part of Sadie's portrayal of Uncomfortable Vulnerable Max, and Max is just that way a whole lot more in 4 than in prior seasons due to being depressed.

still, the end result is Max having her most important conversations with limited visual emotional cues from the other person - a trend that will obviously continue if she's blind.

relatedly, Max was able to deliver two deeply emotional and personal monologues (a supremely uncomfortable task for her) no doubt aided by the fact that her audience wasn't there to make eye contact with:

and like I've talked about before, right after her first Vecna survival, Max grabs and holds Lucas, and hears/responds to him, but it always struck me as weird that at NO point in this scene does she look at anyone:

hm.

relying on her friends' sight

thanks to the visions, Max is starting to find her sense of sight unreliable. so although nothing is currently wrong with her eyes, this puts her in a position where she's already learning to stop relying solely on her own sight, and to consult with her friends and listen to what they say they're seeing when she's unsure.

which she'll be doing a lot more of if she's blind.

not to mention the big plan with Lucas - his whole job is to keep an eye on her and "call in Kate Bush" when it gets too dangerous. so, literally trusting her life to his sight and her hearing.

losing her sight

in the end of course we arrive at literal blindness. Max can't see or feel anything but apparently can hear Lucas.

not sure what to make of potential paralysis (I don't think they'd both permanently blind and paralyze her) but that's where we stand now - with hearing as Max's last known working sense.

which is why we end on Lucas reading to her in hopes that she can hear it. if Max does wake up blind, you can bet that being read to will become one of her primary sources of entertainment. I could totally imagine Max not being ready to withstand a lot of heavy personal conversation, but still wanting to take comfort in her friends' voices.

anyway. losing her sight would be devastating of course, but I like that they've had Max placing major value on her hearing while she still has her sight instead of leaving the entirety of the conversation for when she's blind. and I like that they've had Max already start learning to trust those around her for support.

[rookfeatherrambles]

Please do tell me about the cursed cat AU

Hehe alright!

Once I had a fic idea that the institute is sent a Cat eeeh circa s2 maybe? Ease the tension! Anyway, a cat carrier shows up at the Institute, covered in travel stickers from all over the world and inside, is a cat! Just a normal looking *if grumpy* kitty that's super stressed out :(

A letter is crudely taped to the top in an envelope with closed only with duct tape that's written for The Archivist, whomever that may be at this current time. It's obviously a statement but Elias is really displeased. Still, he summons Jon and asks him if he was expecting this.... Package? And Jon says no, so Elias pulls out his phone to call someone to 'dispose of the animal'.

But he's not even halfway through his sentence before Jon is opening the carrier and coaxing out the kitty with some of his lunch because he's huge on cats and the poor thing is in a tiny carrier and it's dirty and hungry and what monster could do this???? He coos over it but Elias, who's just read the statement, his eyes go wide and he snaps at Jon. "DO NOT TOUCH THAT CAT!"

Too late, it's in Jon's arms.

Elias groans. Of all the things that could happen, Jon getting cursed by a Harbinger Cat wasn't in his periphery of thought. At all!

He explains, as calmly as he can that the statement was written by someone who'd experienced a great many misfortunes after adopting a cat- "That Cat in particular." And that the bad luck only got worse and worse. The statement has two writers, the first, the man who adopted the cat and the second, his daughter who found the unfinished account and wanted to update everyone that her father was killed in a massive earthquake that collapsed his home with him inside.

She found and caught the cat, and is sending it on.

And Elias sighs and holds the bridge of his nose for strength before trying to get his perfect in so many ways but also OH MY GOD HE'S AN IDIOT Archivist's attention because he's FULLY ENGROSSED in petting the cat.

'Jon... You're going to meet the same fate now."

"Why? Because some superstitious people had a run of bad luck while owning a cat?"

"the cat is the CAUSE of the bad luck, Jon. It will worsen exponentially until it kills you. Unless we kill the cat first. Then your life will be spared."

Jon looks at him aghast. "Never. I won't let that happen, Elias, it's a cat! It's just a cat!!"

Elias throws his hands up but then gives up. Jon's not going to budge. "Fine, I hate to say this, but on your own head be it."

So Jon adopts the cat, and he's constantly stubbing his toes, spilling tea over his notes, his laptop crashes, so on so forth. Minor things that can be attributed to simple bad luck. His assistants try and help where they can but he's a hazard to himself and everyone around him now, but any time anyone says anything Jon just tells them he's having a bad day. week. A bad month, then and don't they all have those? He won't hear a word against the cat. "It's not her fault, I'm telling you, she's a sweetheart."

Then Jon goes out on a field mission for a few days and almost gets run over by a train and ends up in hospital with a broken leg.

I don't know much more than that yet but I think it turns out that the cat is a catalyst—yes, it gives people bad luck, but its presence also stops them from having worse, possibly fatal luck because the cat is a guardian of some sort.

I'll workshop it :3

[citronverveine]

xie lian: cultivation and emotional repression -> delayed trauma reaction

cw non-descriptive talk about self-harm for the first few paragraphs (really nothing graphic, just mentions)

i was thinking about whether xie lian would self-harm or not in canonverse (he does harm himself in many ways but i was thinking of our contemporary trend of self-harming through cutting) and i thought he probably wouldn't since it probably wouldn't fit in the path he follows.

I think what reminded me of this was the funny subtitle in the new episode (S2 E01) "I can't drink too much or I'll go crazy" (something like that). the phrasing is funny so i remembered it. We tend to focus a lot on the sexual abstainance of his path, but his path is generally about avoiding vices and keeping his heart and mind still as a lake. or something. promiscuity and alcohol are forbidden, but so are other drugs, so is gambling, and i wouldn't be surprised if harming himself on purpose was forbidden too.

of course, xie lian repeatedly harms himself on purpose, quite a lot and quite deeply, but he always somewhat has an excuse, it's never simply gratuitous. there's always a reason: he stabs himself to escape the land of the tender, he almost swallows a sword when trying to catch the fetus spirit, he's hurt by eming when he jumps between lqq and hua cheng, there are probably other examples we could find, but it's never simply because he wants the pain.

so anyway. i came to the conclusion that harming himself on purpose probably counted as a not very in touch with his cultivation, and from then on wondered about his overall mental health. the thing about xie lian is that he is constantly detached from his... past slash emotions. he rationally knows things but he keeps them at a distance (there is a lot to be said about this and his relationship with hua cheng, from start to finish, but i'll keep this for another time).

I was thinking about how his cultivation most likely played a role in that. to be honest, it's not a bad thing at all, because going through the things he went through (even besides/after book 4), anyone else would have gone insane. but he didn't.

i always wondered about why exactly xie lian didn't give up on his cultivation rules while in banishment. because he wasn't cultivating anymore. he could have stopped following the rules. but he didn't. i always found that very interesting. i came up with several possible reasons, but i could add a new one to the list: maybe it was something that helped him not go insane.

he did not actively cultivate, but following the rules and doing his best to keep his spirit pure might have "helped" him repress the... well, the trauma. it's also a natural reaction, to be honest, but because xie lian cultivates, i think it's interesting to think about how it could have impacted this process.

Anyway. So to sum it up, I wondered about whether Xie Lian could self-harm or not, came with the conclusion that he couldn't and that cultivation also led to emotional repression (to keep a pure mind), and now, my final point:

What if the moment Xie Lian breaks his cultivation is also the moment he starts feeling all of his repressed emotions?

something very common in traumatized people is that they start feeling the effects of trauma or realizing the extent of their trauma once they are out of the situation. i always thought this would be the case with xie lian - once hua cheng is back, all is back to normal, he can live a happy life, and boom, the weight of everything that has ever happened to him gets in the way (and they sort it out, of course), but I never knew what would be the exact trigger, when it could start exactly.

now that i made the link between cultivation and repression, i definitely think it would be interesting to see Xie Lian break his cultivation, have sex with Hua Cheng, maybe marking the beginning of their married life, and then from then on, as he lets go gradually, he starts feeling the mental effects. I thought he could even think it was a bad idea, get worried about the effect of breaking his cultivation, wondering what is happening to him. they would research and eventually realize - maybe as Xie Lian processes it a bit more - that it's just a natural reaction.

i think that's all i wanted to say! this was quite long but i thought it was interesting. let me know your thoughts on this, whether you agree or not. disclaimer that I'm not chinese and do not know enough about chinese culture/philosophy to really know if this interpretation is really correct (mostly the talk about cultivation) (although it is undeniable that xie lian's cultivation in tgcf has EffectsTM on him) (maybe that will be for another post)

[duchezss]

Once in four years mcsm hyperfixation is back baby, and on this most recent rewatch some interesting patterns popped up for me. Honestly this might not be a new conversation, but I had no idea the fandom was still so lively. I've loved this game since it first came out and I really love that so many people still talk about it. Anyways, disregarding S2 for a moment (my opp), I think it's so intriguing the way the writers set up S1 and the art of history repeating itself.

The Order of the Stone were (supposedly) the greatest group of heroes that every lived, but they started out as something so much simpler. They were just friends who wanted to go on adventures and maybe make a difference in the world. Of course their trajectory and outcomes were much different from the modern crew, but in many ways they're still similar. I'll get to the in a sec, but I wanna talk about the originals first.

The original Order kinda breaks my heart, because frankly I think their intentions were good, they just lost their way and got caught up in the glory, not the adventure. They all make it seem like they've known each other for a lifetime, so it's easy to assume that even if they hadn't seen each other in like a decade, they had still known one another for practically twenty years. Soren describes their first adventure like a shot in the dark, and how they were so young. So my guess is they met in their late teens/early twenties, the same age I assume the modern crew is when their story starts. Yes they're all bitter in the main story, but their history seeps into every interaction. Magnus called Ellegaard, Ellie, and it might feel malicious at first, but he still uses it after she dies, which leads me to believe it started out with affection. Then there's Soren and Ivor, who were constantly fighting and at each other's throat. This makes me feel like there might've been a point when they were the closest. Magnus and Ellegaard seem almost relieved to see Ivor, even after they know what he'd done. The command block had led them to great success, but it also ruined the one real thing they had, their friendship with each other. Honestly I think the most heartbreaking thing is they were so close to reuniting again, but Magnus or Ellegaard dies, and Gabriel doesn’t have his memory. Then when the dust finally settles, Soren is gone. Ugh just tragic friend group save me, they are the ones that made me realize how much I love the niche trope of a friend group "haunting the narrative". Their friendship and fallout is what causes the events of the entire story, and thus thrusts Jesse into action. If they had never been friends there would've been no Wither storm, their actions led the modern crew to where they are now. Anyway mini rant over my fault, but how does that effect the crew? Well honestly it felt like they were doomed to repeat the same mistakes.

There's Jesse, the fearless leader who always has the answers and a plan for that matter. Caring, direct, and motivated, she begins the story feeling like she is destined for more. She would do anything for her friends and she's a quick learner in a life she doesn't fully understand yet. Soren was likely the same, he was trying to herd three maniacs and a genius together, and something tells me the leader role wasn't his original goal. He thought the command block was helping, when he was really just fighting his friends battles for them. Soren's life became one of solitude and guilt, one I think Jesse was perhaps destined to as well. The courageous leader doomed to isolation and doubt, unable to comprehend the road that led to their downfall.

Petra's pessimistic and sarcastic nature defines her a first, but it's clear that she's so much more than meets the eye. She's determined, chivalrous, and sometimes (overly) reckless too. Above all she strives to be a protector, of people, of her friends, and of her ideals. That's what keeps her from laying down her sword even though she longs for a life without battle. History says Gabriel was the same protector, even if we truly know him to be different, but this isn't about reality right now. Regardless of this they were seen as the fighters, with the only enemy too strong to beat lying in their imagination. The brave warrior doomed to die and lose their self in battle, interpreting life as nothing more than a fight to be won or forever lost.

It's hard to say what else describes Axel but bluntness. He's an out of the box thinker who can perhaps be slow at times, but he makes up for it when it really counts. He holds his friends close, and views others in a hostile matter (for better or for worse), and at the end of the day his hard exterior is easy to see right through to those who matter. Magnus is spunky and edgy, and rolls his eyes at the mere mention of the others, yet like Axel, it's simple to see right through him. His love for the others is something he shields, and it's clear he does this by pretending his life is perfect the way it is. The maverick doomed to surround themselves with a false sense of community and leadership, forever unaware of all that lies out of their reach

Olivia is intelligent, innovative, and practical. She usually prefers a simple solution but that's not to say she can't also have fun. She's compassionate and curious, and enjoys going through hypotheticals just to be extra prepared (or simply for a easy pass time). She's amiable and while her skills aren't exactly adept, it's clear she has a desire to learn. Ellegaard is a similar, and although she's jaded and has far more of an attitude, it's not hard to believe she used to be similar in her youth. It's also very likely they would have the same coping methods, focusing on red stone is far easier than focusing on others. The brilliant engineer doomed to surround themselves with their machines and inventions, who instead distance themselves from any real connections.

And finally there's Lukas. Selfless, kind, and impeccably loyal, in some ways he's the glue that held them all together. His intense desire to meditate got them out of a few fights, even if his presence initially caused them. He's the resident worrier of the group, and his only goal is to make sure his friends are safe and sound. Glory and adventure are the furthest thing from his mind, they're just a welcome bonus. Ivor clearly cared very deeply for the group, because he was the most hurt by Soren's secret. Even after his anger at them, it's evident they were never far from his mind. He tried so much to get them to see reason, but it was all for nothing. The permanent outcast, doomed to try the best they can to save the group, but who will inevitably be the one to ruin them all.

Of course those fates didn't really fall on the old order, that was just what people expected of them. Soren understood very well what he did wrong, Gabriel lived on, Magnus or Ellegaard died, and Ivor didn't ruin them, he just exposed them (even if his wither storm did kill one of them, but that wasn't really the point). Yet what truly happens in history, versus what we've been told or come to expect are quite different. I just think it could've been interesting for the writers to play into this predetermined fate the group already had, perhaps they would accept it, or maybe they would run from it so fiercely that they end up right where they feared. Or maybe their friendship was enough, and they never got wrapped up in the greed or the glory. Obviously that's not where S2 went at all, but it's was just something interesting to think about.

[fallenangelofsalt]

I realized I messed up the timeline in Purple Gold

This is what I get for not checking the dates first

Canonically, Purple had already been in Minecraft in 2018, and Gold died in 2020 according to the wiki. I'm not changing it though so now Gold gets to die(?) way earlier :)

(Not a lot of lore here, this is mostly just me straightening out the timeline and getting my thoughts in order since its easier for me to do that while writing and I might as well post it yk)

@styck-figure @whirld-of-color in case you guys are interested on the nitpicky stuff.

I thought about the accident being before the OG AvM but I think that would have been way too early, and it was mostly because then I could give Herobrine some fun implications, but in the end I think it fits better to place him in the time between OG and ep1, so I also get to play with how the updates affect Purple's world. I think that the experience of being inside of a game while it updates is a very underrated sort of horror when it comes to sentient videogame characters, and I'm looking foward to making Purple experience it :) though the fact they know its a game, and probably also how updates work, takes off some of the horror.

Purple's first appearance is in ep9 and I can't find any frames where the date is shown(the only full screens we get are in Purple's mac and it only says it's a wednesday), but in ep8 the date is 5/18/2018 and... none of the next episodes in season1 have a date. Or the first ep in s2. Ok, time to ask the wiki and they only have the airing date but whatever. 6/18/2018.

Anyways, that means the only updates that would have happened before he meets the others are Combat, Frostburn, Exploration and Color. That's kind of disappointing since I was looking foward to having Drowned play a major role in Purple's second death but I can make it work without it. Just needs some tweaking.

The Combat Update is overall just way too subtle to effectively work as horror, the main changes are just mechanics and added end stuff. Basically just not a lot of stuff Purple would notice or pay attention to, especially since the End isn't going to be somewhere they would visit right off the bat. At most they would notice some new enchantments.

The Frostburn Update is already a bit more interesting, it adds 3 mobs (polar bears, Strays and Husks), adds magma blocks, fossils, increases Magma Cube spawn rates and lets Enderman spawn in the Nether. Overall enough changes to be a bit jarring, but I'm honestly just not vibing with it.

Exploration adds the Woodland Mansion and all the fun stuff that comes with it, but its so rare that its sudden appearence isn't going to be all that shocking because Purple probably never went wherever it is before it showed up.

World of color adds some new blocks but none of them naturally generated. The most horror potential it has are the parrots. ...Actually, they have a lot of horror potential with their sound copying. I might use that.

I'll probably have to wait a while for any update-related horror.

So, the accident happens midway through the Combat Update, and maybe that's why it happens in the first place. Gold gets unlucky enough to be playing right when the update gets released, and since stickfigures interact with our programs differently, it makes sense their tech would too. Instead of waiting for the player to close the game before updating, it decides to update with Gold still inside. :)

Purple shows up a while after the Frostburn Update is done since it happens so soon after Combat and I want Gold to have some time to get used to his new existence and learn about players.

All the while, King is having a lot more roadblocks than he's supposed to have. I'll have to throw some stuff at him to justify how long it takes for him to reach his canon position, considering in canon it takes like 18 months AT MOST. It probably is somewhere closer to one year.

Here Gold dies in early 2016, so that means King needs to be five times slower than in canon. ...He's going to need a lot of roadblocks.

One of those roadblocks is pretty much just taking that video off the internet also mostly because how the frick did it even get there??? THEYRE IN THE FREAKING NETHER THEY MINED OUT OF THE SCREEN HOW IS ANYTHING RECORDING THEM RIGHT NOW????

[dracofeathers]

Calling Fic Writers! Story Idea? -Angst-

If this is already something someone has made, ya'll need to link me ASAP cause its been rotting in my brain all week (if not longer) and I very highly doubt I'd ever be able to write it properly LOL. Art? Maybe...

Please excuse my scatterbrained explanation. I'll probably be adding to this as my little angst-loving brain thinks of more details.

-----

So, after x amount of time, Aziraphale returns/escapes to the bookshop from Heaven and being Supreme Archangel....just completely defeated, dazed, exhausted and just about broken/verge of breakdown. I've pictured the scene with or without his wings. Crowley and Muriel are there (or at least Crowley) and are understandably surprised/confused.

He just collapses in a sobbing heap muttering and crying "I'm sorry" "Please" "You/we can't do this" "Why" "I don't want to fall" among other unintelligible words, but doesn't seem to quite be with it enough to attempt to explain whats going on. Maybe he'd gain very slight, brief clarity upon seeing Crowley (who has also been a mess), keeps apologizing, begging for forgiveness (from him? Her? Both? Maybe) until finally passing out.

Of course Crowley steps up and tries to take care of him, and figure out whats going on. Because no matter how mad he might get at Aziraphale, how hurt he was by the end of S2, he'll always return and help his angel, because he loves him. Also I'm positive Crowley already knows Aziraphale didn't make that choice easily, that he hurt the angel as well. Bountiful soft, care-taking Crowley here because I live for it.

Eventually when Azi is a bit more stable, (as he would often rotate between quiet desolate/defeated shell shock, and near hysterical crying in fear and grief) Crowley gets bits and pieces of what happened out of him.

The "Supreme Archangel" position was merely a sort of placeholder/fake title, not an actual promotion. Because why would they want to actually give Aziraphale that kind of power to potentially use against them and their plans? He was dangerous enough

The Metatron (and other angels) lied/manipulated Aziraphale the whole time to get him to do what he/heaven wanted. And to of course separate him and Crowley. Possible eventual threats towards Crowley and others to keep Azi "in line". Book of life?

Plans of course include the second coming as it was mentioned, but I'm sure there are others mixed in. More apocalypse starting schemes etc. Never really give the full details and kept the real plans secret. Jesus only mentioned, never seen (very suspicious). Azi tries to investigate but keeps getting interrupted or thwarted. Kept a very close eye on.

Much gaslighting/mental and emotional abuse and manipulation, slowly wearing Aziraphale down in order to break and better control him. No erasing/changing of memories cause its over done to me.

God is still MIA and no one knows whats going on with Her. The Metatron says he speaks with Her, but lets face it he can't be trusted. Definitely scheming on his own with others, maybe Hell as well?

Aziraphale never falls of course, I couldn't do that to our precious angel. He'd be traumatized enough anyway.

Aziraphale tries to be a good angel so bad it hurts, wants to believe in Heaven and "The Great Plan" but is only ever hurt and betrayed for all his efforts up there.

I WILL MAKE THESE TWO WILL HAVE A PROPER TALK I SWEAR

--------

I just really love hurt/comfort, angst and them taking loving tender care of each other. They would have a happy ending of course. This is how I cope until season 3, don't judge me xD

Also, what I was listening to during this ramble:

[lunabug2004]

I Hate Karen and Ted Wheeler (Mainly Ted)

So... a few days ago I saw someone's post defending Ted Wheeler and it made me kinda mad so I wanted to share this bit of info I learned in class recently: statistically, the absolute worst form of parenting is neglectful parenting. Let me elaborate a bit.

As mentioned in my intro post, I am currently in college studying to become a math teacher, and as part of my degree I have to take a course called Educational Psychology. One of the first things we went over was different forms of parenting and how they can affect a child. The worst style of parenting we discussed, called uninvolved or neglectful parenting, was defined as "Parenting lacks both control and responsiveness. Parents of this style are typically unaware of their child's behavior, friends, difficulties, or achievements." Sound familiar? Ted & Karen (but mainly Ted) Wheeler.

This form of parenting can also often lead to emotional or physical abuse. Now, I'm not saying that Ted or Karen abuse their children, but it should definitely say something that if they were just that little bit worse, it probably would be the case. Ted Wheeler is just the perfect example of an uninvolved/neglectful parent and anyone who can't see that is frankly blind. And yes, you could this was fairly common in older times, but it absolutely does not make it right.

We can also clearly see the results of a neglected child in both Nancy and Mike. They don't know how to talk about their feelings in a healthy, mature way because they were never taught. Because their parents never cared when they had problems, and never tried to reach out to them either. (Cue, Karen saying, "he'll come to us when he's ready" after her son's best friend died or Ted and Karen forcing Mike to get rid of toys in s2 instead of trying to help him when he's obviously acting out.) We don't know for sure what the case is with Holly, but it seems like both Ted and Karen are making more of an effort with her. Why? I don't know. Maybe they finally realized the reason their other kids are holed up in their rooms (or basement) or always out with friends, why they don't talk to them, why dinners always end in fights. Too little too late for their oldest and middle, but maybe they can still change for their youngest. (I doubt it, I believe most of what we see of them in s3 is them putting on a show for others but what do I know?)

Anyways, I'll stop rambling now. I just wanted to put that piece of information out there just in case some still think the Wheelers are good parents :)

[maxphilippa]

The Cursed Trinity.

and the bringers of the curse.

For more context of these AU's, keep on reading: (long post ahead)

These are the three 'dark' AU's that I have but they're midly tame actually.

I'll explain the lore of them briefly:

La Blade's Place AU: So. The AU takes place two or three years after S2 ends, actually, where Mephone4 finally decided to come back instead of finishing S3 first and Knife won against Lightbulb, and tried to confront Taco, but couldn't since she ran away, but definitely left a good crack on her. Knife was the winner of the season and was more than happy to be back with his friends. Though he hasn't done anything "meaningful" with the money yet, he was more than satisfied with winning. Everyone has had their reasons for competing, but Knife's reasons were a secret. He could finally let himself relax and be comfortable for once in his life, and meanwhile he wasn't entirely social, since he had just a very specific group of people he liked to spend time with, he still didn't mind. He saw people reworking their friendships and becoming better at the end.

He met some new contestants and such, from Invitational, and that, but at one point it stopped due to Mephone4 taking a small break. Or so he thinks.

He doesn't... know. No one knows. Invitational is supposed to continue still. Anyway, Knife is pretty happy with his life. He can finally spend time with Mic and Pickle. And even if he didn't win, that sole fact was like a prize to him.

They're pretty chill and just enjoying to be with eachother. Feelings blossom and... They are there. Knife was planning on buying a house for them to live in- though he doesn't mind Hotel OJ, he would have liked that. Maybe even spend their lifes together. He was just very happy with them and as much as he's the jerk, he fell hard.

They're just pretty happy of being together again.

And everything seemed to be so... normal now. Knife saw how Baseball and Suitcase met Clover. They have visits from Tea Kettle and Liferring. Paintbrush and Lightbulb finally being together again. Everyone was happy. And he was happy too, with the people he loved the most. But Taco wasn't doing so good. Taco was already struggling a lot with losing two best friends because of her actions. Let alone the fight she had with Knife, meanwhile she did rough him up a bit on the legs and is the cause of the missing piece of his blade now, he still made the "most of damage" by worsening the crack on her eye. She was still hiding, but using Test Tube's old secret lab as a hidding spot. She was rewiring MePad a lot more to make him much more of an associate rather than a tool. But she wasn't coping well.

Taco felt like she was left out, forgotten, left to rot because of her actions. But why? She also deserved her happy ending! She... she deserved to be happy, like everyone else! Why was Knife able to get what she always wanted? Why was he able to love Pickle and Mic and... not her? Why was he allowed to be happy? Why couldn't she have that? Why was she left alone with no friends, with no one to care about her...? Why was the jerk the one to get all of that? She tried to change, too. But Knife was the only one who got that treatment in the end.

He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve any of it, she thinks.

Perhaps it's her bitterness showing through, or how much she just hated Knife after their last encounter where he tried to save MePad but failed, perhaps is how much she hates him, perhaps it's how betrayed she feels by both Pickle and Mic, how much she resents the other contestants, how much she hates this fucking show that made a joke out of her, how much she despises it. How much she hates Knife and... herself to an extent.

She think he doesn't deserve it because she wants that. Knife didn't work his ass off for years to get his friends back just to pull them that easily.

And it would get even worse when she found out that they were... you know. Something. She found out since she has been stalki- checking on her two ex-friends, and from the isolation, Taco ends up snapping.

And this leads to the destruction of Hotel OJ, Pickle's death, and Knife going on a hunting mode just to make her pay. A lot more of stuff happens but that's for other posts.

Wired Mic/Rewired Mic AU: An small what if 'Mic wasn't able to save Knife from the fall, leading him to his death, and that makes her realize that what Taco was doing was messed up."

Microphone was shocked over the fact that she saw her friend die thanks to her, and Taco tried to reassure her that it was for the best, but Mic ended up cutting ties with Taco. This hurted Taco but she decided she couldn't let it happen.

So she shots Mic with her gun and that knocks her out. Shortly after, she decides to rewire her in order for her to not leave her side. Meanwhile, Knife was stuck with Lightbulb in the waiting room (where contestants go as they wait for Mephone4 to revive them), and was processing his first death. But he was worried about whatever could happen to Mic and what Taco could do. Once they get regenerated, he's fucking worried and processing everything still, and went to check on Mic, but she was so...

Different.

She wasn't Mic anymore. It's like someone changed her forever.

CIT / Clock Is Ticking AU: To put it shortly, in Burgs's own words when we were developing this AU yesterday, it's basically a swap between Mic and Pickle but Mic gets hurt in second-hand.

But it's actually more complicated than that.

So the main thing with this AU is that:

Pickle ended up reading Taco's letters and made his way back to her. Only to never be seen again.

So it happens shortly after S1 ends + once Hotel OJ is completely done, Pickle was still sensitive and grieving over losing his best friend. So he's not coping well.

Knife notices this and tries to be there with him, and tells him that Taco isn't worth the trouble, and that she made her choice when she did all of that. But Pickle didn't want to believe it. She was his best friend! Someone he loved so very much! She... she didn't mean it. She wouldn't, right? But he decides to listen to Knife and... begins to get closer to him too. And he really finds his company enjoyable. They became good friends, Knife being there whenever he felt down, even if Knife considered himself to not be great at this type of stuff, he was still there for Pickle. But... Pickle didn't feel right even then.

He felt like something was missing. But he was moving on. He felt like he didn't need Taco anymore.

He was okay.

Until the letters came.

He didn't say anything to Knife since he felt like the poor guy was probably tired of his problems and had his own, so he kept them as a secret in the start. He threw them out the first times since he really didn't want to fall for it, but... the longer the time passed... the pain and how much he still missed her took over?

So...

Maybe just one look at them wouldn't hurt, right?

With sweet little lies (that's what Knife says), words of regret and fake hopes, Taco's letters infected his brain. Every single one of them was her apologizing and asking him if they could maybe talk it out. If they could have what they had back then. Pickle couldn't stop thinking about them.

And he kept on getting those again and again. How sorry Taco felt, how she never truly meant it and how she cared about him- how she loved her "best friend".

Pickle...

Pickle started to consider it.

So, without telling Knife anything, he writes an letter and sends it to wherever Taco might be. He says that he's willing to chat things out, but that he's waiting for an response.

And Taco... replies to the letter, actually excited, after months of writing, she got a response. So she replies with a letter that says a place and hour where they could meet.

Pickle receives the letter and... he feels... weird. This isn't what Knife told him to... this isn't what they told him to do. But... would it really hurt anyone? If he just talked things out with her? Knife didn't know her like he did... he tries to make excuses for her, even when Knife told him that he's worth much more than the treatment Taco gave him.

But even then... he still cared for Knife. Knife was his best friend too.

So he spoke to the blade one last time before going to talk to Taco, only for him to never come back again.

The chat was rather emotional,

Since Pickle thanked Knife for everything and hugged him. It didn't surprise Knife since the vegetable was usually a pretty affectionate guy once he got comfortable with someone.

He just wishes that he asked where he was going before Pickle disappeared.

Pickle found Taco in the forest, and she seemed to be just like before. But it was too good to be true, he thinks, so Taco notices that and decides to talk things out with him properly. So far, she was apologizing for basically using him, and for the things she said to him. Pickle felt his heart break at that, since even if he was... slowly healing, he still wanted to hear that coming from her own mouth.

And perhaps she meant it. Or perhaps she did not. Pickle doesn't know, but he wants to believe that she did. Pickle forgives her at the end, and Taco notices that he's in a vulnerable state. And maybe she needed him. Maybe, she noticed how attached she got to him in truth. That's why she was writing letters for months. She wanted him back at all costs.

So Taco offers him to stay with her and run away.

Of course, Pickle is fucking shocked at that, since they only worked out their things recently, and that was... so much to do, actually. He didn't want to leave his friends.

But then again. Taco wouldn't dare to lose him. Not again. Not ever. He was the only friend she truly cared about. So just before Pickle was about to decline, she quickly used an weakness of his in her favor: how naive he was and how he tried to see the good in his friends at all times.

Taco was... his best friend, and she apologized. She could have her reasons to ask him about that.

But.

Convincing someone that you're all that they need and that their friends were only lying to them out of pity isn't exactly something a friend would do, right?

Pickle told himself, "I'm just going to stay for a bit, it'll be okay",

And that bit became days.

And those days became weeks.

And those weeks became months.

And those months...

Became years.

He wasn't like good ol' Pickle anymore ever since that time passed.

Even if Taco truly cared about him in a way, she got him back.

And he's completely loyal to her thanks to her lies and manipulation.

Because no one else could truly ever care about him. Or that's how he felt.

Taco needed someone to win the prize and, who's the best option for that when your best friend is also your associate and alliance member? Someone who you know would never dare to break your loyalty.

Because you're all that they have at the end of the day.

Shoutout to @burgycreeper405-blog for helping me develop these au's too like she's a real homie love u mate you're so cool