#anyway if i could delete one thing from the fandom it would probably be the hopesexual jokes amen

[min0uet]

what people do not understand about nagito komaeda is that his obsession with hope is not romantic or sexual in nature [i do Not care what the dr3 anime had to say hope this helps] but rather comes from a sort of religious devotion as an extreme coping mechanism send tweet

[skrunksthatwunk]

stole this chart from @asubakaa and spent wayyy too much time making my own so. yeah. also i did 6 instead of 5 bc i know no restraint

[theshadowrealmitself]

Ty @phanboyo for the tag!

Rules: Make a new post and post your latest line from your WIP & tag as many people as there are words.

“Because every time you say being with me is “logical,” all I can think of is how many things I hate doing but do anyways because of logic, like being civil instead of punching jerks cause I don’t wanna spend a night in jail! I just worry…that you secretly resent being with me…”

(Oof, I am not going to be able to tag that many people but I’ll give it my best shot)

@warlock-pan-astronaut @pandorasparad0x @asterism343 @lenacraft @roundaboutnow @charmps-you-grickly @hopeful-bat @kelpeigh @zephyrwrites @dyinggirldied @ghostface3100 @daxsleftshoe @zero-way-out @chickenlover-19 @vivacia-18 @reveriewings @madametamma @magicalprofessorsludgedeputy @reckless-desire-to-live @bllbabaggins @kaisspamblog @mystic-fairy-tame @auroraborealis95 @harley-rose25 @mango-meister @candyheartdoe @ghospectr @easilydistractedandamused @ashoutinthedarkness @quetzalrofl @screamingrunawayzombie @they-meme-well (giving up here cause I’m a quitter 😭😭😭)

[holidayslinger]

ao3 was created so fans would be legally safe from creators trying to sue them for writing fic and from platforms being able to suddenly start banning and deleting creations that we had worked hard on without any notice or warning when they decided to “crack down” on “adult” material. the reason you can post what you want with no limitations as long as it’s warned for is to keep everyone safe from unnecessary censorship because once you start banning things it’s a slippery slope of ‘but what about this’ until suddenly none of us are safe. i watched it happen in real time. i was there when ao3 was created after lj decided to do just that.

it is so fucking frustrating to see people using ao3’s policies like this. we need a place like ao3 that isn’t for profit, that allows people the creative freedom to explore whatever topics they want without the fear of censorship but where people who don’t want to see that content can avoid it. ao3 is a good thing and i never want to see it change.

i hate this for our fandom. i hate this for fandom in general. its a bad look, and i can’t believe people are just writing csa and graphic murder fic for funsies and laughs to MOCK people.

i am a firm believer in ao3’s policies. i think people should write what they want and read what they want and it doesn’t dictate who you are as a person because none of this is real.

but to write this shit and post it untagged (or in some cases mistagged so people open a fic that is tagged as fluff to see things that could trigger them) is severely fucked up. its not cute. its not funny. you are actively harming people and abusing a website that is meant to be a safe haven for everyone in fandom.

the fact that it’s not even just in the bucktommy tag and they’re tagging other pairings now makes me feel like this is just other people piggybacking off of the original one. or maybe they’ve decided to branch out. who knows. but this is clearly a fandom problem and it’s really frustrating and sad to see.

anyway. i typed all of this on my phone. its not even 5am. i don’t know what i even said. it’s probably all nonsense but im just frustrated.

[deadtwinksdetectiveagency]

my thoughts on the whole Cameo Thing™

Putting my first tweet in a screenshot; the rest is copy-pasted. And for context, since the quoted tweet was (understandably) deleted, it said, "Yes $100 is a lot, and it feels a little classist as some of us won’t be able to afford it."

Cameos are not a public service. No one is hurt by not having the ability to spend $100 on a video. No one is being treated worse than others because they can't afford a personalized video. I don't understand how "classist" would even come to mind.

Even if that was the worst example, I'd still fully get J's reaction. He and G are professionals. They deserve to be paid fairly. Based on G's earlier rate, other ppl's cameo rates, con photo rates, and how unique J&G are... $100 is a great deal.

I expected the $100 price tag. If George charged $50 for one person... I mean, there's two of them now. 50 x 2 = 100. I'm shocked that more than a handful of folks were surprised.

A personal anecdote: I've just started taking art commissions this fall. I am finally confident enough to charge a rate that fairly compensates me. Honestly, I should probably charge more.

Things like art commissions, cameos, convention photos/signings all fall under the same umbrella. They are treats. They are luxuries. They are never going to be equally accessible to all. It's not just price; it's also time, expertise, location, etc.

What kind of message does it send artists, writers, actors, creatives, etc when we frame their reasonable* rates as selfish and wrong? * reasonable based on industry standard, not on individuals' wallets

Anyway. J radiated enthusiasm for another chance to engage with us. I expected his happy bubble to burst at some point—I was surprised by his level of fandom engagement tbh—but that doesn't make it any less fucking sad.

-

If you're upset or heartbroken or angry because Jayden is backing away: maybe think about why, and if you could change what you do to help protect yourself from suffering this kind of distress should something similar happen again.

[toxicanonymity]

For context, a tumblr account has been posting anon hate for the past week or so, mostly toward writers. A parasocial hater of mine discovered the account and has been going to town. I posted this after they invoked Israel as an analogy. Yes really.

Obviously I am disgusted by what I just read, and floored that anyone would post such a deranged analogy in the interest of stirring up fandom drama. I'm very sorry to everyone who has been attacked and everyone who has witnessed all this. Others have posted about the situation as a whole, and I'm not sure what I could add. But I want you to know many of these "confessions" are from one individual who has been fixated on me (and probably others) for weeks if not months. I already had the following in my drafts:

warning: please don't read this if you're sensitive to hate or could be triggered by the trivialization of real abuse. (edit: they went on to trivialize genocide too but they'll pretend to be different people). there's also a really gross anatomical reference.

the screenshots are all after I blocked them.

I normally don't address things like this, but that's because I'm trying to keep it off your dash and off my blog (for several reasons including not wanting to give the hate a larger audience for their message). Normally I block/delete. But thanks to a blog dedicated to posting anon hate, some of this is already on the dash, and I thought some additional context could be illuminating.

a couple weeks ago, this person chimed in on my non-fandom post, and their comment made me uncomfortable. I checked to see if they followed me and they didn't, plus their blog tagline was antagonistic. I was confident they weren't being earnest. I replied, pointing out my issue with their comment and asking them to keep their thoughts to themselves rather than coming at me from a sideblog. I thought they must have followed me from a main account since they somehow found an untagged, unreblogged post without following me. But I now realize they were simply hate checking my blog.

(Blocked the burner too)

They were saying this last bit preemptively - I've never talked about stalkers here. I didn't include all their anons, just enough to show they clearly out themselves as being the same person. In other "confessions," they make repeated references to a former fandom writer they idolize (not me) who they also posted about on their blog.

I won't be dropping this creep's url in this post, but I had never heard of them. This week they have repeatedly changed their url, display name, and blog appearance. Their writing is recognizable and I believe they are responsible for the unhinged asks preceding katy's departure from tumblr. They also made a rude comment on her post.

This may only aggravate them. I expect them to hurl any lies and accusations they can think of toward me. They will act like they're laughing and amused, too. You may recognize their tone. I want to trust this fandom not to believe and repeat anything they hear, but unfortunately my experience in this fandom leaves me pessimistic.

I can only hope people use common sense at this point.

Note - I know I'm normally really private about everything, but you're welcome to share this. Their lies are already out there anyway. Also feel free to DM me and I will tell you what you want to know.

Update: the anon-hate account referred to above has deactivated. It was named pedgeconfessions. It wasn't the first to pop up this summer and may not be the last.

[lit3rally-m1ke-whlr]

guys I accidentally deleted the essay I wrote in my drafts bc I’m an idiot (I’m crying) so I’m just gonna summarize in less words bc whatever I’m not typing several more paragraphs on this. Anyway I just had to say that I feel like there’s an ableism problem in the Stranger Things fandom. Either that or this fandom just doesn’t like when characters show obvious neurodivergent traits. We see this with El being either infantilized or deemed annoying by fans when she’s clearly developmentally impaired and autistic because she struggles with understanding social cues and just wants to be normal and fit in like everyone else. She was raised in a lab, obviously she’s going to be immature and not have a strong handle on her emotional responses to things, and you don’t have to like her but it kinda sucks that she’s being hated for these things when I can relate to her so much. We also see this with Mike, and I feel like the people calling him the worst character are forgetting he’s literally just a teenage boy dealing with trauma. Like it’s as if they were never a teenager before because trust me I was just like Mike at that age if not worse. I’ll admit I used to hate him too but maturing is realizing the reasons people dislike Mike can easily be explained by either internalized homophobia or neurodivergence. He’s a bad friend? It’s because he’s trying so hard to appear straight and struggles to balance his relationships in a healthy manner, and he often speaks before thinking about how what he’s saying comes across to others, which is something many autistics/ people with ADHD do, not because we mean to hurt others but we can often be blunt or brutally honest and come across as rude (or even just lash out when we feel attacked or hurt as a way to defend ourselves but it often comes out harsher than we want it to) in my experience. He’s a bad boyfriend? He’s actually not and even then it’s because he’s gay and not in love with El but just doesn’t want to lose her. Besides he doesn’t have a great model for what a loving relationship looks like because of his parents so he may not be able to differentiate between romantic and platonic love and stays in a relationship that he’s clearly not happy in because of societal pressure to appear straight and it would be suspicious (in his mind) if they broke up because a) El literally is the coolest girl on the planet, how could he not love her and b) he loses his cover and people might start to notice and question his lack of attraction to girls. But not only that, he clearly struggles with describing and expressing his emotions or recognizing those of others (aka alexythemia) which is common in autistic people. So if he didn’t notice El’s obvious discomfort at the skating rink that’s probably why, and it’s also why he couldn’t tell her he loved her (bc it was a lie but I digress).

But perhaps the best example and the reason I decided to make this rant post is Robin’s character in s4. I remember seeing so many people saying that once the writers decided to make her lesbian they realized they didn’t know what to do with her character, some even going as far as to say they made her ditzy and stripped her of her coolness, which basically proves my point about y’all (as in the fandom in general) not liking ND people because god forbid we unmask around you, it’s no wonder so many of us feel afraid to be our true selves in front of other people. It’s almost as if she was hiding behind a persona to seem more normal and not draw unwanted attention to herself because she’s a lesbian, and once she came out to Steve and was accepted she… didn’t have to do that anymore? She felt more comfortable and safe around him to show her true personality? I don’t know but there’s something off about the way people are acting like she’s suddenly dumb or just there for comedic effect in s4 when she’s literally been so useful like she’s the one who realized music could save victims from being possessed by vecna. She’s literally the same except now she’s out to someone and she gets nervous when it comes to girls she likes, big fucking deal. Not only is this mischaracterization ludicrous and flat out wrong but it’s quite upsetting to see as someone who can relate to Robin in season 4 and is also autistic. Yes, not everyone with autism is like that but some are and to say she’s no longer cool because of it just enforces the perception of autistics as weird and unlikeable just for simply being themselves and makes us feel like we can only be liked or taken seriously if we keep the mask on.

look at me I said I would keep it brief this time but I still ended up writing an entire wall of text on this anyway lol thanks for coming to my Ted talk ig

[imbeingchokeholded]

Getting Clean

I need to be put into jail, stupid Scottish bitch.

Anyway this is probably lowkey just gonna be smut completely lmao.

I promise the soap pun titles will end.

Also so sorry this took so long because my mind is an enigma and writing for either the COD fandom or the RDR2 fandom has been deleted out of my mind.

Lets go lmao

WARNINGS!: female reader because im a woman and soap makes me yell real loud (nothing against him being shipped with male readers or 141, good for him what a king), NSFW, fuckin, im so bad at warnings just know its gonna be fuckin happenin, choking?? Voice kink???? Breeding kink for SURE. Just major NSFW basically porn with negative plot. Like... .5 plot.

Scottish slang/words may be inccorect due to using google, so please lemme know if its wrong, I'll happily fix it.

I am so sorry for spelling mistakes i finished this at like 2am

The mess hall seemed way too empty, everyone was out on missions, covert, recon, whatever, and while there was a shit ton of others there on base, without most of the 141 team it just felt....wrong.

You sigh and look at your food. It's not that it's bad food. In fact, it looks delicious, but sitting alone, at this massive table that usually you shared with Ghost, Gaz, Rudy and Alejandro, as well as Soap, just made you feel...down.

They were easily the people you were closest too on base. Working so closely with them it was only a matter of time before it happened. All of you were close friends, it was rare for any of you to stray from the group and talk to anyone else.

So today, sitting in the mess hall, was no different.

You stare at the food a little longer, and poke it around with your fork, that strange foreign feeling in your chest.

"Aye Lass, lookin' at it like tha' cannaé change how it tastes."

You smile and twist your head to look at Soap as he nears the table, a tray of food of his own in his hands.

"Johnny! I didn't know you were here!" You smile wider as he takes a seat next to you, and chuckle as he takes a bite of food from his tray.

"Ah, I jus' got back from a mission not too long ago, Price is givin' me a wei break."

You nod and smile at him, your heart seems a little lighter now, someone who you're far closer to now with you.

Plus it was Johnny, how could you not be happy around him? He was the obnoxious fun loving one of the group, he could be serious yes, but it was rare. Most days he joked, laughed, spat out witty sarcastic comments at everyone who passed.

You supposed that was part of the reason you'd grown to have such deep feelings for him in the first place.

Of course you'd never tell him that, you were far too nervous to do that.

Handsome, sweet, a deep voice, which had a Scottish accent on top of it? You could listen to him speak about nonsense for the entire day.

Sometimes missions with him were absolute hell.

He did his job, he was a good Sargent, he knew what he was doing, trained properly, getting things done the way they needed to, but his commentary....

That damn voice of his, he didn't even need to be next to you, all he needed was that voice and his stupid little sarcastic quips.

Hell, sometimes it wasn't even in comms.

He'd yell out something simple, that shouldn't have been attractive, yet it was.

Something as simple as "Changing mags!" Could make your face heat up and turn a violent red, hell, he basically growled at the end of the sentence whenever he said it. Being near him was almost like having a bomb strapped to your chest. Threatening to go off at any second.

Everytime he said "Steamin' Jesus" you couldn't help but imagine him using it in a far more intimate senario, with a slight change of tone, and that never failed to send a flood of warmth between your legs.

You swore that he knew what he was doing too, like he could sense the tension between the two of you, or see the red on your face, but if he did he never brought it up, and for that you were thankful.

Trying to explain fraternization to Price would not be a fun experience. Not only that but bringing it up would probably make you flustered beyond speaking ablity.

"Hey, Y/N. I been talkin' yer fuckin' ear off, you still listenin'?"

You shake your head and look at him, your face feels hot and you're sure you're crimson.

"Ye alright Lass?"

That stupid nickname makes the blush worsen and you simply clear your throat.

"I'm fine Soap. Thinking."

"You can call me Johnny off duty." He laughs. "You usually do....ya nervous about something? Just a wei bit?"

His voice carries a bit of teasing tone and you can't help but feel a bit if irritation at the smug bastard.

"Not nervous, no."

"Ah, not nervous, yet red in the face....Aye...I got yer number bonnie."

He snorts and then continues to eat.

"Really?" You cross your arms and look at him. "Do you now MacTavish?"

"Pretty obvious if you ask me." He shrugs.

"Okay, so tell me then."

Your face burns at the sudden burst of confidence, and as a smirk crosses over Johnny's face you suddenly feel very foolish about what you've just said.

"Lass...tha's not very appropriate for me to say here, where anyone could hear....now is it?"

That smirk stays on his face as he lowers his voice to a low whisper as he gets the last few words out.

You swallow, and your face burns deeper.

"I don't know what you mean Johnny."

"I'm sure." He offers you a laugh and then stands, the look in his eyes makes your body shiver. "I think I'll head to my room...feel free to...visit, if you'd like."

You watch as he walks off as though nothing had happened and your entire body seems to shiver.

He sticks his hands in his jean pockets as he walks away, which you obviously noticed, because of course you did, with an ass like his.

What the hell are you gonna do? Follow him? How the hell did he figure you out so quickly? Did he mean what he said?

Little did you know Johnny was thinking similarly.

"What the hell were you thinkin'? Saying somethin' like that? Y/N does NOT feel that way about you, you probably just fucked somethin' up, fuckin' idiot."

It takes you only a matter of minutes before you stand from the table and head after Johnny, towards his room in the base.

Your heart is thumping so loudly its the only thing you can hear.

Your body seems to be reacting on its own though, your thoughts, while dirty and definetly in need of some....cleaning....ironically, are wondering what'll happen to your friendship afterwards, but your body doesn't seem to care.

Your mind races with the thought of what would happen if you were caught too, it wasn't exactly professional to fuck your coworker in the military.

When you reach his door you breathe deeply, hesitant as you raise your hand to the door. You stopped for a moment and then, you knock on the door.

Johnny opens the door nearly instantly, only a matter of seconds pass before the door knob clicks and he stands in the doorway before you, leaning against the doorframe as he looks down at you.

"Tha' was quick Lass."

"Shut up, let me in."

"Aw...c'mon now...be nice..." He lowers his voice, whispering the last two words, a smug smirk coming over his mouth.

You feel a rush of heat through your chest and look to your feet, your entire face seems to burn, your ears even feel as though they're burning.

"Please Johnny?"

You feel his hand come under your chin and he lifts your head to look him in the eye, not gently but not rough either.

"Try again Lass, look me in the eye."

Fuck fuck fuck fuck

"Please let me in, you stupid Scottish fuck."

"Tha's not very nice...thought I said be nice..."

You clench your jaw and stare at him, that smug grin on his face somehow managing to irritate you and make you horny all at the same time.

"Please Johnny? Let me in?"

"Ye really do want me, don't ye? Dinnaé know you felt so strongly towards me.." He smirks at you and the moves aside, dropping his hand from your chin to let you in.

You look around his room, staring at all the posters and things he has lined up on the walls. Considering this was Johnny's room....you expected it to be far dirtier, less organized, yet as you looked around at the rest of his room you noticed everything had a place, everything was neat, he didn't even have dirty clothes on the floor.

Neat and organized....despite his very chaotic and uncooridinated nature.

You're busy looking this over, viewing his room when he comes up behind you.

He leans in close.

"So, you were havin' thoughts then?" He smirks, you can feel it without even looking at him. "You? Havin' thoughts...innocent little Y/N always focused on the job Y/N....havin' thoughts like those....and about me..."

His voice lowers, it's nearly a growl, and a hand wraps around your waist, his fingers slide gently under the bottom of your shirt, touching the bare skin of your stomach, only just barely.

"Naughty...naughty..."

You look down, your face is completely red, scarlet, and it burns hotter than you thought possible.

By looking down you didn't really account for the fact that, that would only leave your neck open, and it takes all your will power you have not to make a sound when you feel Johnny's lips agains the skin there.

"I'm suprised it took you this long to notice Johnny." You breathe out, hoping your voice wouldn't give out on you.

He stops, his lips still gently placed against your skin as he speaks.

"Really now....been very noticable has it Hen?"

The nickname sends a shiver though your spine, though you know the word itself isn't the issue.

"I think so..." You breathe. "Can't you tell when my voice changes over comms sometimes?"

"Ye get that flustered...over comms? Ye don't even see me.."

He chuckles and presses another kiss to your neck, you're sure the next one he offers will be brusing.

"Not my fault..." You mumble. You've almost collapsed against him, leaning your body weight onto him, though he doesn't mind in the slightest.

"Really now...now...can ye explain to me what it is on comms that makes things so hard to focus then Hen?"

"Why must you make things difficult?"

"Difficult?"

He laughs at you and then stands up straight, his hand leaving the skin of your stomach.

He moves to his bed and takes a seat, nearly plopping down, he sits with his legs open and slaps both hands on his thighs, leaning forwards.

"It isn't difficult, it's a really easy question now Lass."

You cross your arms and look at him, watching as he leans back a little a simple smirk on his face.

"If ye really want somethin' tonight Y/N, yer gonnae have to tell me."

That smug look doesn't leave his face, rather it seems like it only gets worse as he utters out your name, emphasising it, lowering his voice as he does. To add to this you watch as his hands leave his thighs, palms upwards in a sort of shrug gesture.

He knows what gets you flustered over comms. He knows, you know he knows, but you also know he's gonna make you say it.

"You damn well know what it is Johnny."

"Oh I do, but it'll be much better when it comes out of yer mouth, preferrably with your face all red."

You swallow and look to the floor, keeping your arms crossed as you speak.

"I swear sometimes you do it on purpose. You do those damn jokes, say those fucking statements and you always lower your voice, especially if you know I'm listening. I told you how I liked your accent ONCE and now you use it everytime you can."

"Aye, I do." Again, as before, you can hear that smirk on his face. "I'll admit it. I take every chance I can."

You scrunch up your nose, refusing to look up at him.

Theres silence for a moment and then you hear him shuffle, only then do you look up.

He simply catches your gaze and makes a motion towards himself with his two middle fingers, pretty much beckoning you towards him.

Despite the stubborness you've shown earlier you can't help but follow his silent command.

As you reach him and stand inbetween his legs his hands creep over your thighs, fingers curling around the back of them, squeezing the meat of them, tightly, firmly. Just the right amount of pressure.

He looks up at you, his face a little more serious now, the smirk from earlier still lingers, but it's far less noticable.

"Ye know Y/N, I've thought about having you in here....a lot."

"Really?" You stop a moment, your body tingling, stemming from his fingertips outwards. Your mind seems a little fogged. "I thought....I thought maybe you'd invited me in here today just to...well honestly I thought you were just fucking with me Johnny, but...I couldn't just ignore it."

"Nae, no fuckin'with you, no this time."

"So...does...um...does that mean..." You swallow, struggling with your words. "Look....Johnny I think it's obvious I've liked you for a while now...are...if we're really gonna do this...I...what does it mean? Anything? Just...are we fuck buddies, or something more because...."

Your words trail off, you can't help but cross your arms, a sudden burst of what you can only assume is nearly shame creeps up through you.

Johhny's face changes, subtly, but you catch it, and you don't miss the squeeze he gives your thighs either.

"Hen, once I get a taste of you I don't think I could have anyone else."

He's quick with his movements as he slides his hands up towards your ass, and pushes you slightly closer to himself.

The action he does next is a simple one, yet it sends all kinds of feelings through you.

His tongue touches the skin of your stomach, his hand gently pushing your shirt up out of the way. He licks a stripe upwards, keeping eye contact with you as he does.

"Jesus Johnny...."

He offers a chuckle and grips your hip with his free hand just a little tighter.

"I'm gonna ask this once Bonníe," he looks at you, only a small trace of a smile on his lips. "Are ye sure ye wanna do this? I'll stop if ye say stop, but after this I won't ask again."

Your thoughts swirl in your head for a moment. Wondering if it is what you wanted. If it was worth chancing your friendship, chancing your job, getting caught fraternizing is no small penalty.

In the end your body decides for you.

You nod.

"I do."

That smile of his fits on his face slowly, showing off those pearly whites. His surprisingly sharp canines.

His tongue comes out once more, again licking up your stomach, this time he stands as he moves himself upwards, only bringing his mouth away when he reaches the area just below your breasts, letting your shirt fall back to its original place.

When he finally stands his mouth goes into good use, his lips meeting yours with a feverancy, practically a need. He fists your hair, and darts his tongue into your mouth without any hesitance.

His free hand snakes around your body, finding purchase on the plump of your asscheek.

You let out a moan against his lips which in turn pulls one from him.

Your hands wrap around the back of his neck, grabbing onto any part of him you can.

His hand nestled within your hair offers a tug, pulling your head back, taking your lips from his and exposing your neck to him.

His lips latch onto your throat, open mouthed hot kisses against your skin, making your body shiver, tingle. His tongue licks along your skin, warm, and again...hungry.

"Johnny..." You whine out his name, and your body flames up, a part of you is curious as to how he'd gotten you so needy so quickly.

The other part did not give a shit.

"So pretty when you whine like that Bonníe..."

He smiles against your skin, moving towards your jaw, still dragging his lips along your neck, refusing to leave it.

"Maybe we should see if I can get any more out of ye..."

"Johnny...we have to be careful..." You mumble. "We...we can't be caught-"

"Yer right Lass...that might even be more fun..."

He pulls back to look at you, his eyes seemed to darken with the idea that begins to plauge his mind.

"Let's see if ye can keep from screamin' huh?"

"Johnny-"

He cuts you off as his hand come up around your throat, offering a gentle squeeze to the sides as he begins to push you down to the bed.

"Do yer best for me Love." He gives you that goddamn smirk again. "Stay quiet...Can ye do that?"

You nod, your breathing becoming heavier as he stares down at you, hand still wrapped around your throat.

"Atta girl."

He coos out the words and everything in your body seems to be completely englufed in flame.

"You this charming to every girl you fuck Johnny?"

You breathe out the words, hands moving to his chest as you settle against the mattress.

"Jus' you Lass."

Rough hands slide under your shirt, over your stomach, bringing the shirt along with him.

His thumb glides up the center of your torso, pushing down slightly as he continues his movement, his other hand only leaves your throat when he needs to remove the shirt fully.

Your bra is taken off with seemingly expert practice, your breasts exposed to the air, but quickly they're found by hands and mouth.

A rough palm on one and a wet mouth sucking and licking the other.

It takes all your power not to moan, your back arching up into the feeling.

You hadn't been aware of just how touch starved you'd been.

One of your hands tangles into his mohawk, attempting to hold onto something of him.

He looks up at you, pulling away from your breasts.

"Nae, I dinnae say ye could touch lass."

"Johnny-"

"Shut tha' pretty mouth lass...see if ye can be quiet yeah?"

You nod, swallowing as he reaches for your pants. His fingers hooking under the waistband as he unbuttons them with the other.

With one swift movement he's pulled both your jeans and panties down, leaving you bare to him.

"Would ye look at tha'...such a bonnie sigh', Love..."

He smirks and moves in, hands finding your inner thighs, bringing a sigh from your lips.

Before you can say much else you feel a swipe of his tongue over your heat, already you were slick, this was certain to make the problem worse.

His grip on your inner thighs gets a little tighter as he continues with you, he moves his tongue with expertise, eating you out as though he's a man starved.

"Johnny..."

You can't help but let his name slip out, grabbing the sheets beneath you, squirming your hips against his face.

He looks up at you from his position, and even in his eyes you can see the smirk he'd wear.

It's far too soon that he pulls away, you'd been so close to your climax, so close to having that release, until he'd denied you that.

Again you whine his name, and he moves, climbing over you, grabbing your face with one hand, firmly holding your cheeks.

"Aw lass...wei bonnie...are ye feelin' a wei bit needy?"

You nod, the best you can in his grip, moving your hips against his clothed arousal, hoping for even a little bit of friction.

You give a nother small whine, this one more of a sound than that of a noise, again reaching for him, only for his other hand to pin your wrists above you.

"Ah...I told ye, nae touchin' lass"

You simply look at him, unable to do much in your senario. It's then that he kisses you, deeply, his tongue gliding against yours, the taste of your own slick in your mouth.

He lets go of your face, only to rushedly un button his pants, his problem suddenly a bit more annoying than it had been.

The moment he's free, his pants and boxers disgarded he simply looks down at you, seemingly thinking.

Its then that he grabs you by the hips and easily, effortlessly, flips you onto your stomach, running his pointer finger and thumb down your spine for a moment.

"Ye look so good from this angle love..."

He leans over you, his chest to your back, head angled right next to your ear.

He lowers that damn voice of his again.

"Can ye be a good lass fer me and arch jus' a wei bit... chest down love, ass up."

Of course you do as he asks, or rather tells, like its instinct, pressing your chest further into the bed, raising your rear higher into the air.

He leans back, taking a look at the sight in front of him, his hands going to the flesh of your ass like magnets, squeezing gently, your ass and hips, as though he can't decide which he likes better.

"Look at ye...such an obediant little lass...ye like doin' what yer told do ye? Is tha' why ye like rankin' under me? Enjoy the way I order ye around on the field? Makes ye think..."

You don't answer, focused on the feel of his hands, its only when he moves one of those hands to the back of your neck.

"I need an answer lass."

"Yes, yes I do Sir."

You can nearly feel the smirk on his face, he squeezes the back of your neck a little tighter.

"Sir?"

"Yes sir."

"Oho...I like tha' lass..."

He grabs both of your asscheeks again for a moment before you feel one leave only to feel him push into you.

You let out a groan as he pushes in, as much as you can take, to the base, you feel incredibly full. He's girthy.

"Fuck Johnny..."

You murmer.

"Nae...yer gonna call me sir from now on Love..."

You swallow, waiting for him to move.

"Do ye understand me?"

"Yes Sir."

"Good lass."

He gices you this praise and gently he moves his hips, his hand pushing your spine back into that arch you'd subtly moved away from.

His hips move slow, almost painfully so, and he knows this, teasing you with his hands gliding over your back.

"Ye look so good lass...all this jus' fer me..."

"Johnny please...."

"Aw lass...what did I jus' say?"

"Please...sir?"

"Tha's better....use yer words bonnie...what is it ye want?"

"Faster sir, please?"

You hear the small beg in your voice, sure that by the end of all this you'd be begging a lot more.

"Tha's a girl."

His hand moves to your hip, gripping hard as the other moves to your hair, grasping the roots of it, giving a tug as he moves his hips a little faster, filling you with his size, over and over again.

It's only a minute or so before he seems to loose that idea of torturing you, his pace picking up, hips snapping against yours, that slap of skin on skin, the squelch of your arousal ringing in your ears.

"Fuckkk y/n...." It comes out in nearly a growl, and he pushes your upper half further into the bed.

"Yer doin' so good bonnie...so fuckin' good..."

Another maon crawls its way out of your throat, the others you'd managed to quell, small sounds here and there, but you can't stop this one.

You push your hips against his, letting your knees spread further apart trying to get him in at a deeper angle.

"Please sir, please, fuck-"

The words tumble out of your mouth before you can register what you're even trying to beg for, your figers clench at his sheets beneath you, they smell like him, everything smells like him.

"Y/N..."

His voice is a groan, it's all you hear as he shifts your position, yanking you up by your hair, bringing your back to his chest, thrusting himself upwards into you.

"Johnny...fuck!"

You find your arm going over your shoulder, wraping around the back of his neck, trying to find purchase on something

His lips latch onto your neck as though he's drawn to it, his tongue swiping over your skin and his teeth leaving bites along your throat and shoulders. He breaths hard against you, inhaling your scent.

"Steamin' bloody Jesus..."

He groans, his pace picking up a little further, one hand still brusingly on your hip, the other slides down your front, fingers finding your clit easily.

It brings a moan to the surface of your lips, and rather than being scolded Johnny simply murmers another praise of 'good lass' in your ear, his hips snapping against yours, rythmic.

"Johnny-"

"Y/N..." He huffs, his fingers going faster against your bud. "'M close...need ye to tell me where..."

"Inside Johnny, please...fill me up..."

"Jesus Y/N..."

His voice is breathy, heavy against your skin as he continues, his hips getting erratic, until finally he gives a groan, shoving his face into your shoulder, riding out his climax, the feeling of his cum hitting your inner walls pushing you closer to yours.

He rides out his, moving his hips slightly, much slower than before, and keeps his hand going, trying to keep his previous pace.

"C'mon lass...ye can let go now...it's yer turn..."

He mumbles, breatheless.

It's not much longer of this praising and the movement of his fingers before you do just that, squeezing around him and moaning out his name as you finally reach that high.

As the two of you come down, breathing hard, Johnny still inside you, head leaning against your shoulder, he slips an arm around your waist and offers a gentle kiss to your shoulder.

"Thank ye lass..." he murmers. "Tha' was fun."

"Thank you Johnny."

"Ye ain't gotta thank me...I've wanted to do tha' for god knows how long."

"Maybe we can do it again sometime."

"Oh trust me lass...we will be."

[ecto-hazard]

I just rewatched ii s1 (fucked up right?)

im just gonna make a post compiling some barebones concepts that im curious about. cause with the latest reveal, im wondering how much previous stuff might become relevant.

Obviously this was made years ago by a bunch of kids so its possible that most of the details can be disregarded as random bullshit. It does seem like they put a lot of work in creating retcons though so I have reason to believe theyre building off their previous work on purpose but i could be wrong and thats fair. im gonna post about it anyway tho

ii16 spoilers discussed under the cut

Who Mephone created (or rather, didn't create)

Mephone supposedly made every contestant for the show, but there's a couple vague characters.

Fan: weirdly enough he's in a gray area cause he appears as a background character before s2, but he also glitched out in that one episode, so its unlikely he wasnt created by Mephone. But yknow.

Apple: Apple is a fan character who was submitted to the show, and this is addressed in canon. It's possible that mephone made her and the other fan contestants based on whatever the submitters asked?

Bow: she randomly shows up after an ad read. Mephone doesnt seem to even want her to join, but he receives a call from Adam to insist she join. Mephone seems quite resistant to the idea (which would be weird if he made her?) Most interestingly, she's the only one in this list that Mephone couldn't recover.

Dough MIGHT be one mephone didnt create, but it seems pretty likely that Mephone would create him as he was specifically requested by adam to get bow back. Dough does seem like something he'd throw together really quickly to cover his ass

The reason any of this could be relevant is that if they arent created by Mephone, they probably cant be deleted by Cobs.

Adam

Stuff about Adam (the character not the guy) has been kinda quiet lately? He was supposedly the producer of ii, and pays mephone apparently? He clearly has a role to play since he showed up in one of Mephone's memories and seems to be a creation by cobs. So observing his actions in s1 might be valuable, especially since cobs would be able to manipulate the show through him.

Some notable actions of his:

Insisting on Bow being in the show. This is doubly interesting if Bow isn't one of Mephone's creations. She could be an industry plant of some kind?

Telling Mephone to keep 4S out of the season finale. This is supposedly to keep the finale from going crazy. If Mephone had been successful, he wouldve been killed by Mephone 5. Its possible this was on purpose so 4 could be destroyed and replaced

Investing in another season. at the end of s2, despite things going wrong, he tells Mephone they're going to do another season. He sweetens the deal by offering a raise and agreeing to get Mephone an assistant (Toilet). Cobs clearly got invested in this show, so it makes sense he'd encourage more of it from the shadows.

Mephone 4S

Yeah talking about 4S isn't anything new, the fandom's obsessed with him. I am too.

The implications of Mephone4 being in 4S's body never really got explored in s2. I guess they were similar enough that it didn't really matter. But he clearly still has some relevance in the modern series. One of Mephone's memories shows him getting developed as a replacement for 4, and he actually appears in Invitational, Sorta? Clearly Mephone's bothered by the sacrifice he made.

At the very least, the show's reminding us that he existed, so maybe he still does exist? I don't think he's going to necessarily make a comeback or anything but I dunno. It seems like he might be able to talk to Mephone in his head so maybe there's something to that.

Evil Paper

Im just gonna be upfront that I don't have a dissociative disorder and its not my place to talk about how it works or what is good or bad representation so I'm not gonna get super deep into talking about this. I'm just curious if the team has any plans for addressing Evil Paper. They seemed to make an effort into writing Yin Yang more thoughtfully (whether or not they actually succeeded, again, not my say). I could see them giving Paper similar treatment. If they did I doubt it'd be very plot relevant though.

Is the Taco we got the Taco we were supposed to have?

I've actually seen this conversation circulate a little bit already. This sort of debate could apply to any character really, but Taco is perhaps the most interesting example because she's so involved in the latest episodes AND because Brian actually addressed a tweet about this.

Taco behaves like a goofy idiot for the majority of s1, only revealing at the end that she was faking it so she would make it to the end. She specifically says she was "built to win" (the quote Brian addresses), and shows a much more competent side when she actually competes. In fact if it weren't for Bow's interference, Taco would have won the challenge (another case of Bow being weird).

This all seems to imply that Taco may have been intended to win the series by Mephone. Cobs points out to Suitcase and Knife that Mephone had "high hopes" for them, so it's not unreasonable to say that maybe certain characters were liked over others. Mephone never seems to give special treatment openly, but that doesn't mean that when he made certain contestants he didn't at the very least expect them to do well.

What is highly unlikely though is that Taco was created to be a twist villain. This results in Mephone's death after all (though the activity of Bow and Mephone 5 also could be to blame). Especially since he had pressure from Adam to keep things running smoothly, it just wouldn't make sense that Mephone would specifically create someone to toss a wrench in things. Most likely Taco developed like this on her own accord.

But that also raises the question, if she wasn't meant to be a villain, what was she supposed to be? How much of the taco we have now is the Taco that Mephone created? We don't actually see how he reacts to her "reveal" because he's in the middle of running away from 5. But everyone else clearly never saw it coming. OJ specifically comments that this doesn't seem like "the Taco he's been competing with all this time," and while that's written in reference to her reveal, it also could mean she WASNT the Taco he'd been competing with. We do get a hint or two of her true self in previous episodes, but its possible she wasn't ever supposed to be like that.

I think its possible Mephone4 created her as a goofy goober joke character initially, and over time, she changed. She developed into a more tactful and villainous character with her exposure to the contest.

A few things in the most recent episodes might allude to this. One thing being how in ii15 she discusses how she became aware of how much the contest is changing everyone, herself included. Secondly, in ii16 she tells Pickle that at the time she didn't consider how her actions were going to hurt him. This is a really shitty apology and no excuse for it, but it ALSO could mean that at the time, Taco really didn't think about it. In S1, she claims that she was just using him, but we don't know how aware of herself she was back then. Its possible that there was a past version of Taco who wasn't deadset on winning no matter the cost, and being in the game changed her.

Anyway these have been my slopthoughts. It's like 9 pm and ive been writing this for like an hour. Maybe most of this wont get addressed at all in the series, but I figured i might as well compile it down since I just finished s1

[ryuichirou]

I wanna start with I love your blog sm and I’m not trying to jump on the train, in fact I don’t even mind if you just read this and don’t post or even just delete after you read, but I know where the “Rook gaslighter” thing comes from and wanted to explain (I also just LOVE talking about rook even if its negative). Im not explaining to change your mind but rather to inform!! Because I love spending hours analyzing the characters, pls don’t stop drawing rook!! Ever!!

ANYWAYS now that “please don’t hate me I have to uncontrollably explain everything about my favorite character(s) the second someone doesn’t know about one small detail 😭” is over, I will explain! During Vil’s lab wear vignette, Rook asks Vil when he’s going to start his new diet. Vil, confused, is like what??? Tf?? And rook is like “yeah :D you have put on 3 pounds exactly :)”. Vil is lowkey like wtf Rook I haven’t noticed shit and rook is like “okayyy but who do you believe? Me or literally anyone else?” And vil is like “yeah you’re right, I’ll adjust my diet, thank you rook”.

The ‘issue’ with the “rook is a gaslighter” is it’s SOLELY a fandom thing (and maybe with other characters, but still, like. Vil is a world class model he CANT put on weight like a normal person could because it’ll unfortunately affect his career. The beauty world is just like that, irl too. Plus, this is something he wants for himself, even if he admits to hating the diets during his overblot, it’s still a part of who he is). Vil, himself, views rook’s behavior as a helpful thing, he appreciates Rook’s supernaturally keen eye! He might be offended but ultimately he would not have Rook as his vice-prez if he didn’t respect or admire Rook in some way.

I adore the way you draw them together!! The one where vil is like “how dare you! Just because he’s strange doesn’t mean he’s like that!” And rook is behind him with blood on his face, he’s so cute! I recently found another blog that is similar to yours that I also wanted to see if you knew bc they draw rook out the same way you do! @/fadiesismin is so cool and I think you’d love their artwork!!! Also I’m very sorry for the long-winded ask, in my defense, I’m also a Sagittarius. Rook 🫶 Me, xoxoxoxoxo!!

Sagittarius Anon! I’m sorry it took this long to reply.

First of all, thank you for enjoying our stuff and for your support! I am very happy that you like the way we portray RookVil. Their relationship is very interesting and honestly quite nuanced; we don’t usually gravitate towards ships that have this strong of a “they’ve been dating for a while” vibe, but these two are just too charming. Probably because despite them deeply understanding each other and sharing a lot of values and passions, they really aren’t a perfect couple, and we get to see it in moments like the vignette you’ve mentioned, or Rook’s lab wear vignette, or on multiple other occasions. Rook isn’t the perfect boyfriend, in fact, he is quite a menace sometimes without really meaning harm (still, he technically made Vil cry at least once); but there also isn’t another person that would get Vil as deeply as Rook does and support him as well as Rook does. What they have is special, but isn’t perfect at all.

As you already know, we also love talking about characters a lot, so I even though I am late with this reply, I am happy to have an opportunity to talk about these two and Rook specifically. So thank you for sending this ask and waiting!

I’ve seen this vignette being used as an example of Rook being gaslighting/manipulative before, and to be honest, I don’t really get this argument. I understand that the reasoning is usually that Rook sounds similar to a man that lies to his girlfriend about her being fat because he wants her to be even skinnier or just to be an asshole about it, but here is the thing: this isn’t what Rook is doing though. Gaslighter always has ulterior motive behind their manipulations, even if it’s just to mess with someone else’s head for fun or to control this person. But with Rook (both in this vignette and in general), what you see is what you get: the man is brutally honest, sometimes even too honest. Vil himself is very aware of that and has mentioned it multiple times.

It’s just like you said! Vil never lets anyone forget that his looks are important to him (both because of his own standards and because he is a model), so of course Rook would comment on something that he noticed. This is the foundation of their relationship: Rook gives Vil his feedback because Rook sees things that other people don’t. Does it mean that this feedback is always 100% necessary and Vil should change things according to how Rook critiques him? Of course not. Maybe sometimes it would be better for Vil to just take it easy and relax instead of perfecting every single thing, but this isn’t what Vil wants for himself: he doesn’t want to be pampered, he wants to be appreciated for his hard work. Rook enables Vil’s perfectionism, but don’t forget that Rook is that force in Vil’s life that doesn’t let him forget what he is doing all that for (I’ve talked about Rook being protective of Vil’s “beauty” = love for art here). Vil having a toned body is something that Rook enjoys, but this is mainly something that Vil wants himself; I kind of think that as long as Vil’s passionate and unapologetic about things that he does, Rook would find beauty in him no matter how he looks. Remember him at the end of ch6 after Vil’s grandpafication? Yeah exactly.

Alright, I digress. The point I am trying to make is that Rook is very direct with Vil, sometimes even too direct, and this is the opposite of gaslighting. Even when he suggests things “lightly”, he is still upfront about them: he doesn’t try to plant any ideas in Vil’s head.

Rook sounds and acts like a jerk sometimes, but he means well, and it’s not an excuse, just a fact. In Rook’s head, Vil always takes his direct remarks and observations very well, what’s so different this time? Even if you’ve been with someone for years, fuckups are unavoidable, especially for someone who has problems with tact.

To reiterate: could this scene be triggering or upsetting? Absolutely. Are there people who comment on other’s weight to make them insecure or make them doubt themselves? Absolutely. Is this what Rook does? Absolutely not. It just isn’t true to his character: he wouldn’t gain anything if Vil started doubting himself, in fact, he would have hated it. He doesn’t want Vil to be insecure or unsure, this is literally what he confronted him about at the end of Ch5. He also doesn’t need to do anything for Vil to trust him more than others: Vil already does. When he was saying that he knew better than anyone or anything else, he stated the truth, and this is what so fucked up about Rook: he really does know better.

It’s very important to remember that these characters have their own circumstances and their own writing, and we are fucking blessed to have a cast of characters this interesting and complex.

By the way, I am saying all of this as someone who wouldn’t mind Rook being a gaslighter and could see fanon scenarios where it could work, but those need to be very well-written not to ruin his character, because honesty is an integral part of Rook Hunt. For better or worse.

Also, I know you haven’t mentioned Jade, Anon, but since this entire discussion started with comparing the two, I wanted to note that Jade’s Dorm Uniform vignette exists. Vil literally looked at him man and decided not to trust him for one moment, even scolded Rook for even humouring the idea that Jade was telling the truth. And this is just one instance; we are constantly being reminded by everyone in cast about the fact that Jade is shady and we shouldn’t take seriously the majority of things that he says (pretty much verbatim to what Floyd said about him in the Playful Land event). Jade doesn’t care about honesty, he doesn’t care about lying either: all he cares about is what to say to make the others react in the most interesting way possible. He loves messing with people, and the world is his playground….

(I am also pretty sure that he comments on Azul’s diet; this has nothing to do with gaslighting either, just thought I’d mention that since we’re talking about this)

Anyways, thank you again for your ask, Anon! I hope this wasn’t an exhausting read. I always feel like I haven’t said everything that I wanted to say, but fortunately I still have tons of replies to write, so I’ll have my chance..! Probably.

PS. @/fadiesismin’s works are very good!!

[astercontrol]

I noticed that you're essentially the resident RAM person on Tumblr and, first of all, you're fascinating and I love you (in a non romantic way) and second, do you know, or have ideas, about what RAM's circuitry looks like under the armor?

Oooh!!!!!!

First of all I appreciate the compliments very much -- it feels weird to be considered a Ram expert since I've only been in Tron fandom a little over a year, and I really don't want to take away from the voices of fans who have been here for ages... but, I do admit I have spent that short time in an abnormally intense state of hyperfixation, and I LOVE talking about my headcanons, especially about Ram...

so... here we go!!

Okay, so, in my funhouse of a brain this thing about Ram's circuitry is probably a more complicated question than it'd seem to anyone else. Several different interpretations and answers here.

On the one hand, there's my understanding that clothing in the Encom system doesn't actually come off, just gets shifted from one outfit to another-- with the same sort of animated effect you might get when changing the outfit of a video game avatar.

Generally, asking what's under a program's suit is a kind of meaningless question.

I think even if they have a "naked" option for how they can appear, it's not "underneath" the others in any meaningful sense, it's just another outfit. Nor is it their "true" appearance in any way -- one program could have several different naked renders with different anatomy!

But:

your question was about armor, and I do imagine that some of the armor pieces worn by warriors in the Games can be taken off. Although we don't see proof of it onscreen, my own feelings tell me that the helmets and gauntlets and shoulder pads can probably be "removed" pretty much like clothing. On the code level of things, I imagine the code for those is more similar to "object being carried" than "outfit being worn."

Interesting little side detail here! Apart from the very dramatic change of outfit that Yori does in the Deleted Love Scene, there are a couple instances of small costume changes being made between scenes-- with known behind-the-scenes reasons for it.

Like how Yori wears a warrior helmet while on the Solar Sailer, because Cindy Morgan insisted on taking a break from that tight headcap and the painful glue that held it onto her head.

But then, it's fairly straightforward to theorize in-universe reasons why a helmet may be more proper solar-sailing attire than a headcap.

It's harder to explain an in-universe reason for the sudden change in appearance in both Ram's disc and his hands, between two frames of the disc-trick scene:

The out-of-universe explanation is that the disc tricks were done by a double, instead of by Dan Shor. Which could explain the shift from bare hands to gloves-- it's probably hard to do those tricks with gloves on (though it doesn't quite explain why Ram has to wear gloves the whole rest of the scene, or why a whole different disc was needed.)

In-universe, anyway, I like to imagine that Ram was calibrating or testing his disc in some way-- and this involved running a subroutine that temporarily changed the appearance of both the disc and his hands, simply as a graphic interface to show that the routine is running.

....Okay, that was a long side detail! Back onto the question of Ram's armor.

I've also posted before about how I view the armor of game warriors. Basically, I see it as functioning less like actual armor, and more like a set of symbols to represent which programs do what. (Like how the toga indicates novices, and so on.)

Anyway, whatever Ram's vest means, I think that it does come off, and would reveal a different set of circuitry on the "bodysuit" portion of his render underneath that.

But, to be honest, I think that pattern would be pretty standardly similar to the one on Flynn and on a few of the other conscripts. The parts of it that we can see-- that little arrowlike thing below his neck, for instance-- are pretty much the same. So I'd guess it's all part of a design that's just one of a few standard render patterns that get used and reused for warriors.

However.

Ram could still have a secret, unique, cool and interesting appearance of his own! The whole outfit of Ram in the games is a render chosen by the MCP, and is not necessarily what Ram considers "himself."

I think programs can have specific appearances that they consider to be their "true form"-- the way they appear when they get to be fully themselves. This is what Yori seemed to be shifting into for the Love Scene.

It's even more clear in the novelization's version of that scene, which also gave Tron a transformation of his own, in which his circuitry "took on a flowing look."

I imagine it's possible that many programs have a "true form" with patterns that look less angular and more organic. The parts of the System that are "free" and the way things naturally "should" be (...the I/O Tower.... Yori's creative decorations in her quarters...) do tend to have more flowing, curvaceous lines.

....And now I do feel a bit inspired to draw something like that for Ram.

I think he'd love it.

[kassiekole22]

Josh being in love with an oblivious reader and the twins are alive and trying to create situations to get them together 👉👈👉👈👉👈

Best Day Ever

Picture lightly edited by me.

Pairing: Josh Washington X Fem!Reader Description: After a spur of the moment decision, Josh takes you and his sisters to a carnival. Hannah and Beth decide to take this opportunity to push you and Josh together, since Josh has had a massive crush on you for a long time and has been too afraid to make a move... Warnings: Fluff, Maybe A Pinch Of Angst, Kind Of Mutual Pining (But Very Intense On One Side. 👀), Friends Turning Into Beautiful Lovers. Word Count: 4.8k (I haven't written a fic this long in quite a while. 😅) A/N: This took an embarrassing amount of time, I know. I was just in no mind state to write and I wanted it to be perfect, so I decided to wait. And it took even longer because when I was editing it one last time, the final copy got deleted so I had to reedit the whole thing and rewrite the parts I had added in there. @108garys requested a carnival fic for Josh a few days prior to this request, so I got the idea to combine them together. I hope that's ok. 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 This is actually my old Jalim fic, Just For Fun, too. I always wanted to rewrite it because I felt like it could have been better than what it was. So, when I got the opportunity to do this, I decided to finally do it and I am happy with the results. Anon requester and @108garys, I want to thank you for giving me this request. It really made me happy, knowing that people wanted me to write a fic for them, especially when I was so new to the Until Dawn fandom. Anyway, I'll quit my rambling now. I hope you all enjoy. 💖 Josh's MasterList: 🖤 Main MasterList: 🖤 Josh's Angels: @lorebite, @house-of-kolchek, @koexchange, @yesitsloulou, @mistmoose, @jasonexo, @mornandil, @fortune-fool02, and @raven-the-cryptid. (If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know in the comments! 🖤)

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Me, (Y/N), Hannah and Beth were driving from the store one sunny afternoon. We weren't there long; only to grab some microwave popcorn and chips for a movie we were planning to watch. It was a short trip but everybody insisted on going along for the ride. It was nice, having the three most important women in my life with me. Even if it was just something as simple as going to the grocery store, it was memories like these that I cherished the most.

The ride was pretty silent other than a song playing quietly on the radio, but it was nice — it was peaceful. A couple of minutes passed and we drove passed a carnival. That's when I noticed (Y/N) turning her head to look out her window.

"Oh, looks like they set up a carnival for the weekend." I mentioned, just to see how she would react.

"Yeah, I noticed." She said just barely above a whisper whilst still staring out her window. "Haven't been to one in years."

"Jesus, us neither." Beth spoke up in the back.

"Probably since we were sixteen." Hannah recalled quietly.

I sat in silence and pondered for a minute, taking my eyes off of the road for a quick moment to watch (Y/N) whilst chewing on the inside of my cheek. She looked sad — or maybe disappointed. Now that I had thought about it, I hadn't been to a carnival in such a long time. We really weren't in too much of a hurry to get back and I was sure that the movie could wait.

"You wanna go?" I finally asked and she took her eyes off the window to gaze at me with uncertainty.

"W-What? No, we can't. We have groceries in the back seat." She looked down at her hands folded in her lap, her lips turned down into a disappointed frown.

"Oh, fuck yeah!" Beth cheered behind me, startling me and nearly making me jump out of my seat. I shook my head as I let a short chuckle roll passed my lips.

"The groceries can wait. Nothing's gotta go in the fridge." I mused. "It'll be fun."

Before she opened her mouth to protest again, I turned the car around and drove in the direction of the small carnival before us. I pulled into a free parking spot, got out and rounded the side of the car before opening the door for (Y/N) and giving her my hand to help her up. Her eyes lit up with wonder as she studied the crowds and the attractions around her.

"What should we do first?" She asked me as we walked in, hand in hand, to ensure that we would not get separated.

We had done this before but only so we don't get separated in big crowds because (Y/N) hates to be alone. I wish it meant more to her than that. I wish she knew that when I held her hand, it's not just because I don't want to lose her in a big crowd…

"Fuck, I don't know! I'm so excited, I can't think!" Beth said eagerly with nothing but pure excitement in her voice and I chuckled at her enthusiasm. "This is going to be the best day ever!"

"I'm excited too." (Y/N) giggled. "What do you think, Josh?"

"I don't know. We haven't had lunch yet — you wanna get something to eat? My treat." I suggested as I pulled out my wallet and smiled kindly at her.

"Yeah, I am pretty hungry." Hannah expressed and I nodded before grabbing plucking out a twenty. Luckily, I went to an atm before heading to the store and had enough cash on me for the day.

"Yeah, I'd love that." (Y/N) expressed. A look of adoration melted into her soft eyes as she gazed up at me for a moment and I swear, it made my heart stop. I felt heat creep within my cheeks and I looked away quickly, hoping she wouldn't notice.

We went to the nearest food stall and I ordered some burgers, some fries and Pepsis for us all. After, we found a bench close by and sat down with our lunches. (Y/N) took a bite out of her burger and her eyes lit up before closing to appreciate the taste.

"This is amazing!" She took another big bite. "I forgot how good carnival food is!"

I couldn't help but smile at how happy she was over something as simple as a burger. I admired how she enjoyed the small things in life. Even something as small as food could cast the biggest smile on her face.

"Jesus! Ok, Josh! You are taking all three of us to carnivals more often! It's a must!" Beth declared before taking a bite out of her own burger.

"Yeah, you'll have to become that big movie producer fast so you'll have enough money to splurge on us!" I couldn't help but full out laugh at Hannah's comment and, by the looks of it, (Y/N) and Beth couldn't either.

"(Y/N), back in California, we have the biggest fairs and carnivals! Like rollercoasters that could last an hour, I swear to God!" Beth mused once she calmed down from her fit of giggles, wiping a tear from her eye as she did so. (Y/N)'s eyes widened before she turned to look at me for conformation and I nodded as a smile crept upon my lips.

"Shit! Yeah, I have to see that!" She giggled excitedly in agreement.

Beth finished her meal first and waited a minute until (Y/N) was finished before taking her hand and nearly dragging her off the bench.

"We have to go do something really quick." She said and both me and (Y/N) raised a brow in confusion.

"What about me?" Hannah asked, a frown forming where her smile used to be from being left out.

"If you weren't such a slow eater, then you could come too." Beth teased and Hannah's lips turned up into an awkward smile as she adjusted her glasses.

She always did that when she felt nervous.

"Well, Jesus! At least she paces herself — unlike some of us." I said, gesturing to Beth and she scoffed.

"I would watch yourself, big brother." She approached me slowly as a mischievous look formed in her eyes. I clenched what little I had left of my burger in my hands, in fear that I was about to lose it. "You know, I'm shocked — you're usually the fastest eater out of all three of us."

She stopped right in front of me and froze for a moment, making me feel both confused and worried. Before I could even attempt to react, she booped my nose and when I winced, she plucked the remainder of my burger from my hands and pushed it all in her mouth, smiling wickedly at me as her cheeks puffed out as if she was a chipmunk.

She skipped off with (Y/N) and I yelled a threatening, "I'll get you back for this!" Over my shoulder and I just barely caught Beth giving me the finger as she walked away.

I stayed seated on the bench with Hannah and watched all the children playing before us. I began imagining what it would be like taking my children to the carnival, watching their excited expressions as they went on all the rides and ate as many sweets as they could while (Y/N) is scolding me for giving them too many. Aw hell, who was I kidding? (Y/N) was just as much of a push over as I was. We would all probably spend the night with stomach aches. I was so deep in thought about my future that I failed to notice the small smile on my lips as I watched the children play.

"You can't fool me." I heard Hannah speak up beside me as she nudged my shoulder with her own. She had closed the little distance between us so she was sitting by my side now, finishing up her food as she watched the children play as well. "You can put on that "player" act all you want, but I know the real you. I see the way you look at (Y/N). Face it Joshy — you're smitten."

"What? Nah!" I scoffed with a roll of my eyes and Hannah rolled hers as well. Why do siblings gotta be so good at reading each other?

"You are with her every day, you talk about her constantly during the times you aren't and you can't tell me that you wouldn't do absolutely anything for her." She accused. "And you also can't tell me that you weren't just imagining those kids over there as your own."

I stayed silent for a moment, realizing that my sister was right. She knew that that front I always put up was a lie. I had always wanted a family of my own, and I think I had finally found the girl that I wanted to start it with — if only I had the fucking balls to tell her how I felt.

"Well, lil sis — I think you might just be right." I muttered, mind only half in reality as I pondered actually telling her that I had feelings for her.

"Look what I got!" Beth sang behind us and I jumped, hoping that her and (Y/N) did not just hear my confession. I turned to see them both holding cotton candies and, judging by their facial expressions, they didn't hear a thing. They handed me and Hannah ours before sitting down beside us on the bench.

"It's so sweet." (Y/N) said as she licked her lips. My eyes lingered on them for a second, admiring how soft they looked before I noticed Beth smirking at me out of the corner of my eye.

"Sure is!" I agreed, turning my attention back to (Y/N). "But, not as sweet as you."

She giggled at my comment and Hannah and Beth made gagging sounds. After we finished eating our cotton candy, we decided to go on some rides. Can't go to a carnival and not go on the rides, right? After all, it's good to get the heart racing every now and then.

After walking around for awhile and trying to agree on what we would all go on first, my eyes met the one that I was definitely not going to skip. I pointed at the Drop Tower, "Yes! We're doing that!" I demanded as I pulled on (Y/N)'s arm.

"I don't know, Josh…" She looked up at it reluctantly and then looked at me, a worried expression on her now pale face. Hannah and Beth walked up beside us and looked up at the tower as well. Hannah looked so pale that I already knew her answer, and Beth looked so excited that I thought she'd for sure join us. But then that excitement in her eyes turned into mischief as she peered over at me and (Y/N).

'What is she up to?' I thought to myself as I glanced at my sister out of the corner of my eye.

"I think I'll sit this one out. (Y/N), why don't you try it? Josh will be there to protect you." She nudged my shoulder and I glared back at her. I couldn't believe she was going to do this — she was going to leave us alone to push us together.

"But Beth, you love these kinds of rides." I said through gritted teeth, giving my sister the 'don't you fucking dare' look. She just smirked at me and then turned her attention back to (Y/N).

"Come on! It'll be fun! Please? I just know you'll love it!" She begged her like a bratty little child.

(Y/N) heaved a sighed. "Fine."

We got strapped in and before we knew it, the ride started to go up. (Y/N) closed his eyes as tightly as she could while her fingers clenched the safety bars and I couldn't help but feel bad for getting her in this situation that she very clearly didn't want to be in.

We got strapped in and before we knew it, the ride started to go up. (Y/N) closed his eyes as tightly as she could while her fingers clenched the safety bars.

We were finally at the top and I never felt more alive. The adrenaline felt better than any drug I have ever taken. I wanted to throw my hands in the air and scream it to the world.

"This is awesome!" I yelled with a laugh following my words. (Y/N), however, did not look like she shared my enthusiasm. Her eyes were still clenched shut and she now was shaking like a leaf! Now, I could have been my usual cocky self and acted all brave in front of her, as I usually did. But seeing her this scared hurt my heart.

So, instead of acting like 'the big man', I decided to look down and scream at the top of my lungs, "FUCK! SHIT! OH, HELL NO!"

She bursted out laughing at my reaction and just by looking at the sweet smile on her beautiful face, I knew that all the teasing I was going to get from Hannah and Beth was worth it. The ride dropped down and I screamed again but more dramatic and dragged out compared to the last time.

I got off of the ride first, staggering a bit to make (Y/N) giggle before giving her my hand to help her down. Then we headed back into the crowd of people to find my sisters.

"That was fun!" (Y/N) smiled up at me and I felt my heart swell.

"Hey, big brother! Have any vocal cords left after that big performance you gave the whole park up there?" Beth teased with her famous cocky smirk plastered on her face and I literally bit my tongue to hold back my bitter reply that was practically pushing through the seam of my lips.

"Yeah, you sounded like you were being chased by some blood-thirsty monster or something!" Hannah laughed and I rolled my eyes. But (Y/N) giggled as well and I remembered that it was worth all the torture just to hear it.

'Remember her smile. Just remember her fucking smile.' I thought to repress the urge to give my sisters nice Indian burns on each of their arms.

"How about some games?" I attempted to change the subject as I pointed over at the game booths. The girls snickered as they followed me, reminding me that although I was able to change the subject now, it didn't change the fact that I would be getting the worse of it later.

We walked up to a target shooting game and I slammed a few dollars down on the counter.

"This is gonna be too easy." I smirked. The carny took the money and handed me the gun.

"You get three tries. If you get three out of three, you get a big prize. If you get two, you get a medium prize. You get one, you get a small prize." The carny explained and I nodded.

I aimed the gun at the target and after a few moments of making sure the tip of my gun was perfectly aligned with the target and Beth nagging at me from behind, I fired… And missed. I felt my cheeks heat up from extreme embarrassment because I could hear the giggling of three girls behind me. I fired again and missed, letting out a frustrated grunt and cursing under my breath.

"Need me to show ya how it's done?" Beth teased as she patted my shoulder and I glared at her. She put her hands up in defense as she let out a chuckle. But I could see in her eyes that she regretted nothing. After letting my eyes linger on (Y/N) for a moment, I looked back at the target.

I really needed to focus this time. I aimed for the target one last time, fired, and missed again.

"Fuck!" I slammed my hand down on the counter. Being a perfectionist, this was frustrating as all fucking hell.

And it was even more frustrating because I knew my way around a gun. Growing up, I spent a lot of time fucking around at the shooting range at our lodge, so I was a pretty sharp shooter. But (Y/N)'s gaze heavy on my back was making me nervous as all fuck.

"It's ok, Josh. You're probably still lightheaded from the ride." (Y/N) spoke softly beside me as she placed her hand gently on my tense shoulder.

"How's this; I'll give you one last chance — if you hit the smallest target, I'll give you the big prize." The carny offered while smiling kindly at me and I nodded in agreement.

I aimed for the smallest target, took a moment to make sure I was perfectly aligned with it, and took a deep breath. I had to get it this time. I closed my eyes, carefully squeezed the trigger and the gun went off with a loud bang one last time. I opened my eyes and my heart jumped into my throat.

"Fuck, Yes!" I yelled excitedly.

I fucking got it.

I hugged (Y/N), who had been clapping beside me to cheer on my victory. The carny handed me a big, fluffy, black teddy bear with a red bow around it's neck and a big red heart between it's paws that said, 'love'. I didn't hesitate to give it to (Y/N).

"—For you." I declared proudly. Her eyes went wide and her mouth fell agape.

"Really?" She looked unsure for a moment as she hesitantly took the bear from my hands.

"Of course! I have to give you the prize, since you're my biggest cheerleader." I nudged her shoulder playfully and she blushed as she hugged the bear while smiling up at me.

"Hey, love birds!" Beth called out to us and I mentally face palmed at her ruining our moment.

'Dammit, Beth!' For all I knew, it could have turned into our first kiss.

"Don't mind her." Hannah rolled her eyes with a chuckle. "We were wondering if you guys wanted to continue going on some other rides?"

"Sure! Why not?" I agreed before following my sisters to their next ride of choice.

We decided to go on some calmer rides, since Hannah had a weak stomach. The Carousel was Hannah's first choice because she loved the horses. When I went to sit on the horse beside Beth's, Hannah pushed passed me and jumped on it before signaling behind her. I looked behind me to see (Y/N) already on her horse and the one beside her empty. I glared at my sisters, seeing right through their little plan and went to sit beside (Y/N). Not that I'm complaining though — we had a good time and it was pretty fun.

And then, after that, we tried the Bumper Cars. Me and Beth got a little too competitive there, ending in a couple of cars getting a bit damaged. After awhile, Hannah and (Y/N) stayed parked on the sidelines and watched the shitshow of a war that me and Beth created in the middle. She will never admit it, but I clearly won that round.

And we also tried the darts game, where (Y/N) won a small, light brown puppy plushy that had really big and buggy sad eyes.

"Ha! It looks just like you! It's got those big—" Beth couldn't finish, because I interrupted her quickly, trying to avoid being embarrassed for the— however many times it's been today.

"DON'T!" I growled as my eye shot daggers towards my sister.

"But you didn't let me finish, big brother." She smiled innocently and I looked over to Hannah and (Y/N), who also looked weary of Beth's attitude as well.

"Fine… Go ahead…" I sighed, defeated and finally accepting my fate.

"It's got those big bug-eyes, just like yours!" She reached up and patted me on the head and I clenched my teeth. I glared at Beth and Hannah held the toy up beside my face.

"It's uncanny!" Hannah laughed and I just about ripped the toy right out of her grasp.

"No need to be a smart-ass!" I grumbled as I folded my arms across my chest.

"Oh, but it's cute." (Y/N) chuckled as she took the small toy from Hannah. I felt a familiar heat creep upon my cheeks as she spoke and turned to look at me with a softness in her eyes that could bring light to any dark heart.

"Really?" I said, barely above a whisper after swallowing thickly.

"Yeah." Her voice was so soft, it almost made me cry.

"Uhhhhh— W–Why don't we try the haunted house?! That should be fun, r–right?" I attempted to change the subject as I tore my eyes away from hers. The girls agreed and we headed towards the ride.

Of course — as I expected — Hannah and Beth ditched me and (Y/N) for their own cart, leaving me alone with her YET AGAIN! I didn't know how much more I could take. I loved being around her — don't get me wrong — but for the last month, my little crush on her had been growing stronger and being alone with her was painfully awkward, especially since she didn't even realize that I had feelings for her. Nope! After all the regular compliments I gave her, she still hadn't figured it out! Well — to be fair — I make comments towards lots of girls but those are different. Those are just dumb sex jokes I make to be funny and sometimes weird people out. With her, it's different — it means something. I just wish she knew that.

Maybe I shouldn't be so annoyed with Hannah and Beth trying to put me in these awkward situations. They just want me to be happy. But what people don't know is that I'm a lot more insecure than I let on. Yup! That's right! Mr. Bone Zone isn't so confident after all! So shocking, right? So, being alone with a girl as pretty as (Y/N) is basically fucking torture for me.

Our cart began to move towards the entrance to the ride and I sneakily put my arm around (Y/N). It was a bold move but I had to do something! I felt her tense and for a minute, I thought it was because of my arm and I went to pull away before realizing that it wasn't my arm at all, it was because she was scared.

As our cart moved throughout the ride, I noticed her getting more and more tense. I then shuffled closer to her and she — I am assuming subconsciously — leaned into my body, as if she was hoping for my protection. I instinctively wrapped my arms around her and began explaining how each prop was made and every gory and ghostly illusion was done. It seemed to calm her and she eventually relaxed into my embrace — just another perk to having a father in the film industry.

Once the ride began to slow — or as I like to say: the calm before the storm — she began to melt into my arms and rested her head on my chest. Trying so hard to keep it cool, I rested my head on top of her's and closed my eyes, enjoying the moment of peace we had.

"Thank you, Josh." She whispered and I felt my heart stammer a little, until— "You're a good friend."

'Fuck! You're kidding, right?!'

I felt my heart drop at her words and squeezed my eyes shut as hard as I could, trying to ignore the disappointment and small bit of heartbreak I was enduring. The ride eventually came to an end and we were greeted by Beth and a very pale Hannah, who looked as if she was about to vomit. Laughing and trying to ignore what had just happened, I wrapped my arm around my little sister to give her a comforting side-hug before we continued on to do something new.

A few hours later, we all decided to go on the Ferris Wheel before finally going home. Again, Hannah and Beth insisted on going on their own cart, leaving me and (Y/N) alone for what I was hoping was the last time today. After being taken to the worst zone of all — the 'friend zone' — I really didn't want to be left alone with her any longer.

We reached the top and (Y/N) leaned into my side and I subconsciously wrapped my arm around her shoulders. It was dark out now and the park was lit up by all the lights from the rides and the games. It was a breathtaking view and judging by the smile on (Y/N)'s face, she thought so as well. She rested her head on my shoulder and I froze, not knowing what to do.

"It's beautiful." She whispered as her beautiful eyes lit up from the lights of the park and I couldn't help but notice how they illuminated her face just right, showing off her best features.

"Just like you." I murmured without a second thought. But her body tensing up and the sudden movement of her pulling away from me made me snap out of whatever fucking trance I was in at the moment.

"W–What?" She stuttered her question as nothing but pure shock painted over her calm expression that her face held only second ago.

"Oh— Uh— I was just saying— You know, like I always do?" I tried to brush it off but the look on her face told me she didn't believe me.

"You never said it quite like that before." Her voice was barely above a whisper. And in that moment, I knew I couldn't keep it from her any longer.

"(Y/N)… There is something I have to tell you…" I admitted as I looked down at my shoes, terrified to meet her gaze. "I like you — a lot. Hell, I might even love you! I'm sorry, but I can't hold back my feelings any longer."

After a few seconds of silence that felt like hours, I decided to glance up — only to see her staring at me with an even more shocked expression. Her eyes were wide, mouth agape, pale; she looked like she had just come out of a horror movie!

"I–I had no idea, Josh…" She whispered as she looked down at her hands that were now folded in her lap as she picked at her nails nervously. I fucking knew it was coming to a rejection. I wasn't too familiar with the whole thing. Babes would go with me even if they didn't like me, just because I had money. But I knew (Y/N) was better than that. And I knew that because of that, I was going to lose her.

"I'm sorry if this has ruined things between us." I look away from her, mentally kicking myself for being so dumb. But then I felt two soft hands over my own. I hesitantly peered back at her to see her staring at me with warmth in her eyes that no fire could create and a smile that could bring me back to life if I had died.

"I never said that it did. I like you too, Josh — a lot, actually. I just didn't think that you liked me back." She explained and my eyes widened in shock.

"Y–You like me too?"

"Yeah!"

"Holy shit!" I yelled excitedly, standing up but then remembering that I was hundreds of feet in the air, so I quickly sat back down, making her giggle. "S–So, you'll be my girlfriend then?"

"Of course, silly!" She chuckled and with that being said, I placed a gentle kiss upon her soft lips. Finally, I have gotten what I have truly desired for so long.

'I'll have to thank Hannah and Beth for this later.' I made a mental note after we broke away from the kiss after a minute or two. She rested her head on my shoulder and I rested mine on top of hers as we enjoyed the rest of the ride.

Driving home, we were all exhausted from the day we had. I looked in the rear view mirror to see Hannah and Beth, completely knocked out from exhaustion and I just chuckled to myself — it was the first time Beth had been quiet that day.

Then I looked over to (Y/N) — who was fast asleep in the passenger seat while cuddling her bear with a big smile on her face. My heart felt so warm at the sight of how happy my girl was.

And nothing has ever made me happier.

It truly was the best day ever.

》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《》《

[dsaf-confessions]

I’m going to start this post by saying that I’m genuinely very confused by the entire situation.

I’m aware this wasn’t the best blog in the past, and that the screenshots provided were old, and things I’d already apologised for and learned from.

But in all honestly, I’m mainly confused about the fact that the person im posting about that I won’t name because I’d hate to start drama has already been blocked from this blog an unidentifiable amount of time ago for posting about us on their twitter page, and I don’t like drama, so I blocked them so it wouldn’t escalate

But it still has. Somehow. Because it also seems like they’ve been reblogging posts from this account since they were blocked, which I have no idea how.

That’s just my way of starting this post, though. Because I’m still really confused, accidental blocking bypass aside.

A call out post has been made about this blog, me more specifically, for posting confessions that intentionally start drama.

And I’ve read the post that was sent to me by my friends, and i actually don’t know how to respond to that.

I’m not providing screenshots, because you know, I’m making a response here, I’m not trying to start more drama (and the person has already blocked me, as they’ve said I believe. So they wouldn’t be seeing this post anyway)

but they posted some really old screenshots from this blog back before there were anons and a discord server, who I now essentially treat as a council (this post will be being read by them before I post. Because I don’t actually trust my own thoughts, especially not when I’m stressed out, shaky, and tired because it’s late at night and I planned to sleep an hour ago)

If you weren’t here back then, I admit this blog was chaotic. I made a mistake pretty much. Not by posting any confessions specifically (even though I admit I didn’t have the council back then so a lot of stuff slipped under the radar and caused drama). I made a mistake by making the blog to begin with.

(Note: I have no regrets. This situation is stressful and scary but I’ve made so many friends here, I wouldn’t trade it for the world!! Let’s hold hands and look into the sunset guys)

And yeah. I admit it was a shitshow. And I admit I posted a lot of confessions that shouldn’t have been posted because I didnt know if I would start more drama by just deleting them and having people ask why. And I apologise for that, I’m genuinely sorry. I really wish I had just kind of purged this blog’s posts past a certain point because god it sucked, but it’s not something I can actually do right now.

But the thing is, I’m pretty sure I’ve apologised for this before. And I won’t hesitate to apologise more however times people need, because some really shitty confessions were posted since I hadn’t ran one of these things in A WHILE.

And I took people’s advice. And I made this blog into a place that I thought was chill and drama free. And it was, i think, at least. But everything goes wrong eventually.

When I made the pinned post, I thought my stance on drama was clear. I said that I would delete the confessions that weren’t just ragebait, but would clearly start drama.

But I don’t think people got the memo.

There was also the mini-fandom thing. But I posted that I was very uncomfortable with it because it could backfire, and it was over.

Unfortunately, saying that I didn’t want there to be a fandom probably didn’t even delay the inevitable. Because now there’s a call out post. And this isn’t a response to the person who made the initial post, this is a response and an apology to everyone else who’s probably wondering what the fuck is actually going on right now.

I hope the person who made the post doesn’t see this, actually. Because they’ve already blocked everyone who’s associated with the blog, and if they do see it then it means that they’ve deliberately unblocked us for whatever reason, and that would only show to me that they want to start drama.

This all could’ve been solved in DMs, or better yet, a simple post that said “hey, I really don’t like this blog. I will be blocking everyone associated with it because I do not like it”. Not a callout post. You never DM’d me, or tried to communicate with me. You saw this blog, talked badly about it for a little bit, then made a call out post on the mod without even exchanging a single word of conversation with me about it.

What’s the fate of this blog? I don’t know. I might go on break. I really don’t want to leave the blog, but for the most part I’ve already left this fandom. I don’t really post stuff on main about it anymore. I still like it, but I don’t engage with it anymore for reasons unrelated. Just interests coming and going. However, I might leave. MIGHT.

if it was just this situation that I was dealing with, then I’d certainly stay. Tumblr call out posts don’t matter much in the long run anyway. But I’ve also got a very stressful personal life and this is the last thing I need.

But I don’t know.

What I hope you took away from this post, though, is this:

1) you can block this blog or blacklist this tag at anytime

2) you can dm me at any time if you have any advice or criticism that you think I can use to improve this blog and make it better

3) I don’t tolerate people starting drama, and I certainly don’t enjoy it either.

[yellowocaballero]

Anyway.

How many works do you have on AO3? 54. Hm. I don't remember writing 54 fics. That's weird. But I've been posting since 2017 so when you THINK about it 54 fics over 7 years isn't weird at all.

What’s your total AO3 word count? 2.4 million. What's your point.

What fandoms do you write for? A fuckton. I write both things I'm hyperfixated on and for random shit that comes in my head. I was into TMA for like two years so I have the most TMA fic (16), but most of my fandoms are 3-5 fics maximum. There's also a lot of random-ass fics for random-ass fandoms that just jumped in my head. Artemis Fowl, Beetlejuice, Animorphs...demons that overtook me for two weeks or so and never bothered me again.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? The Great Gender Heist (Artemis Fowl, no surprise there.), stay out of trouble (Detroit: Become Human, I reliably forget that one exists and I'm still mystefied as to why so many people read it), meek shall inherit (I'm constantly attempting to forget the Be More Chill phase ever happened), someone will remember us (Batman, fic's not great, am still very fond of that au) and dead or alive (DBH, mediocre). Why the hell are the two Detroit: Become Human fics so popular? I hate DBH so much. I was so angry while writing those.

Do you respond to comments? I am absolutely terrible about responding to comments. I am sorry. I do read and appreciate all of them. It's because I always need to give a dialectical so comments take ages to write. If you do want to hear my thoughts on something, my inbox is your best bet for a way too lengthy response.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hope, Etc for certain. I try really hard to write bittersweet at worst endings, and even the sad endings in my fics have hope in them. Hope, Etc definitely ends in a better place than where it began. But it's still very sad. I was thinking about a lot of lost loved ones while writing it. Fishhooks and reel to reel also have downer endings but that is because they are LITERALLY Star Wars.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Uhhhh. The ending of Solitaire (and the MLM/WLW hostility series in general) is very sweet. It's meaningful because it demonstrates so much growth from everybody with very little cost. I almost said Go Straight At The Cul De Sac, because it showcases a happier world where horrible historical events were averted, but the ending will always be a little bittersweet because we understand how much Protag sacrificed to create that better world.

Do you get hate on fics? Sometimes people are kind of weird. The worst of it is usually just useless comments, though. I had somebody get pedantic about how briefly mentioning an SUV would be historically inaccurate, and how I should have mentioned a minivan instead - like, did you read that fic and think I was from the suburbs? Do I look like I know what a minivan is? Lol? If I've received any actual more severe stuff I have no idea, since I delete the comment and delete it from my memory. I've never gotten anything too bad. I've been called ablest like three times, which is objectively hilarious.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? If I could write smut I'd be making bank on Kindle Unlimited right now.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Probably the FE3H/BNHA one I'm writing right now that will never see the light of day. Just kidding. I don't actually think I've posted any real crossovers - I DO write them, I just kind of feel like they're cringe so I never post them. I write a lot of cringe shit that never sees the light of day.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not nearly popular enough for that.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Several people have mentioned wanting to do that, but nope.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not technically. But I do want to give due honors to all of the friends who are SO instrumental in the building of the AUs, stories, characters, etc, that they've had a huge impact on the story itself. I try to recognize them by name in the fics themselves but my stories would look completely different if it wasn't for my friends. Definitely much worse.

What’s your all time favorite ship? I'll differentiate favorite ships and favorite fictional romances. For ships, it's much less about the ship and more about the role in the story. I tend not to pay a lot of attention to that while writing, but sometimes I get lost in my own sauce and I drive myself a bit nuts. I am very fond of Hanyookim, especially in my own ORV story. For romances? My top ten list of fictional romances is as follows: number one: naturally, Sasunaru -

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? If it's up on AO3, it's done (with one or two very small exceptions - The Ending of Han Sooyoung epilogue I'll get to you I PROMISE). There's plenty of unfinished docs on my drive that I'll never finish, but that's because I decided that they weren't worth finishing.

What are your writing strengths? Dialogue and characterization. That's always been the case. I'm also pretty funny.

What are your writing weaknesses? Plotting. Action. Having stories that are not entirely dialogue. Where things happen and it's more than just people walking around talking. You know. Real stories -

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Always valid. I remember reading one Hispanic author talking about how he doesn't like italicizing the Spanish in his stories because it's otherizing, and I agreed enough with him that I don't tend to italicize other languages either. Sometimes I do. I try to do it purposefully, and to convey something that can only be conveyed through the extra language. I'll also only do it if I can have a friend who speaks that language write it out for me, since gtranslate sucks and I want to ask the friend how such a thing would actually be said and colloquialize it. I like using ASL in fics, and I am just in general begging people to a) write it like any other language, and b) understand that it's different from other languages and can't be written exactly the same. If your Star Wars fanfiction has so much gratuitous Mando'a that I can't understand anything the clones or Mandos are saying I hate you.

First fandom you wrote for? Batman Beyond. Yes, I have a FFN account somewhere. Yes, I was eleven. Yes, it was Batman Beyond.

Favorite fic you’ve written? The best thing I've written is Twilight on Owl Creek Bridge. Favorite is New Wave. That sucker took two years to write (INSANELY long for me) and it is exactly the story I wanted to write. Stephanie's a character I've been writing since I was 15, and the feeling of writing Stephanie and NAILING her for the very first time was so satisfying.

Tagging @usaigi and uh any other writer mutuals you all know who you are.

[jelly-of-many-ships]

Intersting experience in math class:

I was doing some work while listening to the good omens soundtrack because it helps me focus and I love remembering which scene each track is from. Anyway, David Arnold (the composer) also composed most of the music for BBC Sherlock, which I don’t think too many people know (He’s amazing and I love literally everything he makes). And so when I finished the good omens album it started playing other music by the artist, which in this case, happened to be the BBC Sherlock intro.

I have not heard that song in almost a year in a half. BBC Sherlock was like a canon event for me, it was the first real fandom I joined and it introduced me to tumblr, fanfiction, and literally every concept associated with fandoms. Most pieces media Ive consumed, and definitely every fandom i’ve joined since then has been in some way because of tumblr, or other fandom spaces. Even good omens, which I am currently hyperfixating on to a frankly concerning extent, I was only introduced to via the domino effect of BBC Sherlock.

Why is this important? idk...backstory I guess? whatever, anyways, after awhile a fell more and more out of interest with Sherlock, and while I’d definitely still consider myself in the fandom, I’m just not really that into it anymore, especially since the rest of the fandom isn’t very active either. The year when my interest was the strongest was a very interesting time. I was really insecure and not very happy, but I had some amazing people in my life who I really miss. These two things, I think, are possibly the worst combination to have in terms of nostalgia, and I find that experiencing things that remind me of this period feels very strange. For example I physically cannot listen to some of the songs I added to my playlist around this time without getting really emotional, but I refuse to delete them because they really do feel like a part of me. From time to time I do remember the bad things and maybe feel a bit upset, and yet if I could go back, I know I would, just to remember what it was like to experience it all.

I don’t think I could ever fully explain it but BBC Sherlock genuinely felt like opening a very weird portal, and so when in the middle of math class, immediately after listening to the good omens track “the end?” and vividly imagining the end credit scene of season two, the Sherlock intro started playing, I felt such a strange mix of awe and nostalgia that I almost started crying. It sounds pretty stupid typing this up, but it was such a unique experience, and I don’t think I can really explain it. Good Omens is the only thing I’ve been even somewhat interested in to the extend of Sherlock, and after listening to possibly the most depressing song of the entire show, to have such a sharp reminder of who I used to be blast full volume into my head felt like diving headfirst into cold water. It really does sound stupid, but in that exact moment I remembered everything; the evening I heard that song for the first time, staying up for hours scrolling through pinterest and discovering the fandom, the first day I told my friends about it, the day i read my first fanfic, the day I was so convinced they were gay I accidentally discovered shipping (lol), the night I finished season 4, alone, at 2am, the day I joined tumblr, the week I learned how to play “the game is on” on piano, and the lunch period I wrote my first fic after daydreaming about it for weeks.

These things probably seem pretty mundane, but this was like a new world to me. They represent more than just discovering I new interest though. They’re some of the only memories I have of that time. I cut my hair, I realized I was queer, and for the first time in my entire life I had an actual friendgroup, one that I still care about so much. Life was, at the same time horrible, yet the best it had ever been, and I didn’t even know it. When I really think about It, I realize in actuality how little time has really passed, but everything feels so different. I think to myself that there’s no way that person was me, that the kid who had so much energy and enthusiasm for life, poetry and writing and had yet never felt so insecure couldn’t have possibly turned into the burnt out, powerless person I feel I am today.

At least I’m not so insecure anymore? I’m not so sure what to say. All I know, is I think that moment in math class made me realize how much I’ve grown, how much I appreciate those experience I got to have, and how much that song will always mean to me.

[bonesandthebees]

Hi again Bee.

Thank you for lending an ear to listen even if I just kinda showed up. I really appreciate it. I've actually been reading through some of your other stories and they're very good (I adore the fae works!).

When it comes to Wilbur, I'm just. Very disappointed and upset. Of course I support Shubble and am glad she spoke out, it's very important and I'm glad that it's encouraged others to come forward with their own stories of abuse at the hands of large creators. At the same time though part of me wishes she hadn't said anything, so I could have continued as I was, in blissful ignorance, even if I feel really guilty for thinking like that.

It just saddens me that someone I looked up to so much ended up being this horrible person. It makes me worried that I too am bad, that somehow he has imprinted his awfulness unto me. I used to be horrible too. I like to think I've grown as a person, I was only a kid, but have I? Or was being drawn to Wilbur a sign? Like attracting like?

Y'know, I used to say that my hair style goals were how Wilbur's hair is, and recently I got a haircut. When I took a shower earlier it ended up floofing up in a similar way to his. I don't know how to feel about that. Maybe I should style it differently, even though I like the floof. I don't want to be even a little reminiscent of an abuser.

I am reminiscent of him though, in ways I can't change. I used to feel so seen by him, we're both song writers, and hypochondriacs, and I wanted to be him so badly I would cry. I would cry because he was everything I desperately craved to be as an insecure transmasc, an attractive guy with a beautiful voice and an amazing life. And now he's horrible, and probably always has been, and all of my memories of him are tainted.

I hate that I can't listen to Lovejoy anymore. It feels unfair to the other band members. It isn't their fault Wilbur is awful, and yet I'm taking away a source of their income. I know I'm taking away from Wilbur too, but he's only one person out of the group. Maybe that's just me giving an excuse so that I won't have to stop enjoying their music. It doesn't matter, I can't stomach listening to them anymore anyways.

I keep getting songs from YCGMA stuck in my head. It's like now that I can't listen to it anymore my brain has decided to fuck with me by making me listen to it anyways. I can't even justify listening to that album, that's just Wilbur's music. I was going to cover a song from that album for fun. Now I can't.

Is it bad I still find comfort in Wilbur as a character? C!Tommy is my favorite, but C!Wilbur is almost always a huge part of any C!Tommy story and I love C!Wilbur stories too. I know C! ≠ CC! but I just. It's complicated.

Idek why I'm this upset. I haven't been an avid watcher of anyone in the DSMP in at least over a year. If anything this whole thing has brought me back into the fandom more than I have been in ages. I feel bad about that, but also this situation has introduced me to people like Aimsey, whose content I'm seeing more of and I find myself enjoying.

I've also found more great DSMP fics lately in my quest to binge read them before the mass deletions start. Is it bad to find good things in a bad situation?

I'm sorry for the lack of put togetherness and the length of this ask. I promise I'm usually more coherent and to the point.

-Tech (just call me Tech like a name, "tech anon" feels weird heh)

hey tech, sorry for a bit of a late reply I've been busy the past few days

(sorry about the 'tech anon' thing, it's just a habit since that's how I refer to most of my anons. I'm going to still tag your ask as tech anon though just for my tagging system if that's okay)

I'm so glad you like the fae stories!! I'm still so proud of both of those looking back on them

anyway, yeah, I get that. I get the guilty wish that none of this had ever come out so you could just continue to go on in blissful ignorance. when someone learns something very upsetting, it's only natural to feel like you wish you never learned that. you don't need to feel guilty for that. you're not a bad person for your emotional reactions to things. your actions are what matters.

also, you are in no way a bad person because you were drawn to wilbur's content. the persona wilbur put on for the internet was not representative of who he actually was. you were drawn to the facade. an illusion of the person wilbur could've been, if he actually practiced the things he preached. you said you used to be a bad person, but you've changed. the fact that you are worried at all that you might still be bad shows a level of self-awareness and concern that wilbur apparently did not have. because wilbur was aware he was a bad person and treated the people around him terribly, but he didn't care to try and be better. as long as you're trying to be better, you're already leagues ahead of him.

also, regarding the hair, the floofy fringe is an incredibly common haircut. that is not exclusive to wilbur soot. you do not look like him if your hair does the floof similarly to his, it just makes you look like thousands of other dudes with fluffy fringe.

the day after shelby first streamed I had an MSR song stuck in my head and I hated it so much. it really sucks. you just have to try and drown it out with other music

it's not hypocritical at all to still find comfort in c!wilbur. I know it's complicated, and there's so much discussion I could get into as to why it's so complicated, but we can all separate the guy and the character in our heads. there's no reason to feel guilty about that. and there's also nothing bad about finding good in this situation. I think it's really sweet that you've found so many great fics in this time and I'm so glad you've been getting comfort from them. you're appreciating the authors hard work and that's a good thing! you don't need to feel bad about that

I hope you're doing okay tech