#anyway i’m coming online to at least hang out for a lil while i think uvu | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

simpz-art-stash · 3 years ago

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Late beginnings

Summary: Mac goes out for a drink, and happens upon some advice he takes into consideration about his skewered relationship with Wukong. Before finally taking some action to mend the long burnt bridge. (Author’s note: I barely did any beta reading for this so if it’s worded strangely that’s just how I write without the normal filter on. I’m country so HOWDY) Next Page ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The night was late, but he didn’t care, he might as well have been nocturnal with the way his whole life revolved around the whole stereotype of shadows and shit. He’d walked into a bar he’d passed through a few times before, donning his human disguise of course beforehand, and walked in without sparing anyone else a glance. Before planting his rear in one of the stools seated at the front bar, ordering a drink to get the night started. “I’m really looking forward to seeing that new Monkey King movie with the trailer they just released. You saw it too right?? The whole style of the film is on par with their most recent game- OH, you think they’re gonna make a game of it?? I bet you they wiiiill!~” Ugh, great, just what he’d come here to avoid.

Mac’s eyes glanced to the blabbermouth boasting about whatever new movie was being made about his ex, to see two girls residing a ways down near the other end of the bar a few seats away from him. Both looking to have had a fair night themselves already if any of the cups and plates hanging around their spot was anything to go by. “Probably. I hope it’s better than last game that came out on the Brick 360, the bugs in that thing were gross to deal with.” Their friend commented back. Before looking down at their phone and claiming that it was getting late and that they had to go. “Yeah I’ll see ya Monday!” The chick waved their friend off a lazy farewell after they’d paid their bill before going back to their drink, now taking less tedious sips as the mood seemed to smooth out from their conversation prior. “I see someone’s a pretty big fan of that ol’ man.” Macaque piped up from where he sat, earning the attention of the stranger he’d directed his comment towards. “The Monkey King yeah?” Sparks danced in the chick’s eyes at the recognition of the name, before the stranger perked up and beamed a smile back at him, “You betcha! I’m a total nerd for that legend.” ‘A legend, hah.’ “S’the whole reason I moved to China in the first place.” She jabbed a thumb at her chest, “All the way from America!” Mac whistled, “That’s a pretty far leap to take, even for a legend. What, you hopin’ you’ll get the chance to see em’ or somethin’?” He sneered, taking his glass and lazily swirling it in his hand. “I wish!” She laughed, “Nah I mostly just moved here for work. If anything though it’s cuz a them for where I am now. I’d never even heard of him till about five years ago!” Mac blinked, lowering his drink from his lips, “You’re joking…”

“Not at all! No one hardly knows the story back home. Only reason I found out was cuz I just started gettin’ into anything monkey-related as a hobby.” She pointed at him, “Don’t laugh either, it’s a wildly popular standpoint to have these days online.” Mac quirked a brow at that, he’d hardly touched the internet these days save for whenever he needed some quick info on something he couldn’t find elsewhere. He held his hands up, “Hey I ain’t judging…” He smirked a little to betray the look that he totally was though. It was kinda funny how ironic it was him being there right then. She squinted at him, “Anyways...Yeah, I’d seen stuff of him online, but I’d never paid much attention to it up until recently.” “What made you change your mind?” Mac boredly probed, taking a sip. She simply shrugged, “I was in a dark headspace, guy made me laugh.” He paused, “Wait, seriously??” “I mean have you HEARD half the crazy shit he’s done??” ‘Babe I’ve LIVED through half the shit he’s done.’ “Like, literally, the guy is HILARIOUS. My favorite story out of them all being one where he literally tricked THREE taoist immortals into drinking his own piss!!” She burst out laughing while Mac choked on his drink a little, not having expected to hear that of all things. Sure he’d heard a few of the shenanigan’s his peaches had gotten up to throughout his journey to the west but he’d never heard that one before. Nor had he the patience to read through all that mess of context that had been published either. “Ahhh man, it still gets me…” The chick sighed with a few leftover laughs as she wiped a tear from her eye. “What about you? What’s your favorite story?” She asked. And suddenly Mac felt like he’d been put on the spot as he stared back at her. “Come ooon, surely there’s one that’s gotten your gut rolling.” She pried. ‘Plenty, but there ain’t no way in hell I’d tell a soul.’ “Bahh...there ain’t the first one that comes to mind that I’d like. Honestly I’m not even much of a fan.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Whaaat?? Aw come on! There’s tons of cool n’ funny stories!” “Heh..can’t imagine what you find so charming about a guy who’s too good for his own friends.” Mac spitefully twacked himself mentally for spewing something so personal like that out. Ugh, and he hadn’t even finished half his drink yet… The chick sitting to his left seemed to tilt her head a little before she squinted at him. Her silence being what brought his attention from his drink to her as he blinked back with a quirked brow. “What?” “Your eyes, they’re like raging storm clouds.” She pointed out. He blinked, not really sure how to feel about that. The only one who’d ever really pointed that out to him before was… “...So?” “Nothing!...” She shrugged, turning back away towards her own drink as if no conversation at all had happened between them. Whatever...he had his fill of shit to drink to either way. The night might’ve been late but he was just getting started. “He makes me laugh though.” She pointed out, earning her a glance. “All his stories n’ stuff. If there was ever a man I’d want, it’d be one who could always make me laugh.” “Hmph, not one for strength?” He took a long sip. Ignoring the bitterness of others fawning over someone he’d come to love before he’d gotten so popular. “Strength is fine n’ all, but it can only take a relationship so far..you gotta have more pieces to put in that crockpot of a relationship if you wanna make it taste good. Stuff like patience, honesty, a little bit of everything to help it all come together to make it juuuuust right.” “Hm…” “It can’t be all just you putting the stuff in there either, it’s gotta be a contribution from both gardens. Otherwise you’ll just barren your lands and be left with nothing to spare yourself or others in your life with.” She glanced at Mac, “Relationships are tricky like that, but they should always be a 50/50 split~” She winked. That...actually sounded like pretty sound advice. Something he’d heard a little here and there before but never so simply laid out. Though it made sense from his standpoint, fairness n’ all that. But he’d been that way with Wukong before and it had never worked out, all the bickering and such, so what had gone wrong? “Can I...ask you something?” Mac inquired. “Shoot.” “What’re your thoughts on..a relationship that seemed fine, but then the other changed so much that everything about it fell apart?” “Mmm...care to sprinkle in a lil more context?” The chick eyed him. Mac’s face scrunched up a little, no idea why he was asking some random mortal for relationship advice of all things. “Hey man. We’re both probably never gonna meet again after tonight, so if you’ve got skeletons in your closet, your best place to let em’ out is here. Bartenders are known for being the most well kept secret keepers in all the world after all~” She winked at the bartender in question who simply looked the other way with a look that might’ve suggested such a fact as truth. “Hm…” Ah screw it, “Alright alright…” He sighed and put his drink down, “There’s..someone. We used to be real close, we were strong together but then uh..shit got real and he had to go deal with it. But when he came back he uh, wasn’t the same as before, an I might’ve sorta assumed he was cheating on me so…so we kinda fell out.” The chick nodded, “Ahh..the classic misunderstanding of change and cheating, a tale as old as time.” She seemed to hum a moment before she turned from where she was seated, if not to hop down off her stool and plop down on the one right up next to him. “Uh-” “Shhh, lemme see those eyes.” She squinted, leaning in and staring deep into his. It’d would’ve been really unnerving if she hadn’t said anything about them before, now he was a lil put off that he might’ve been asking a witch of all things for advice… “Right. Well, at least you feel bad about it. So there’s that.” He blinked and his brows furrowed, “Wh- of course I feel bad about it, it was his fault-” He suddenly had a finger pressed to his lips. “Nope! Nooononono, you do not get to throw all the blame elsewhere like that sweetheart. There ain’t no way in hell you’re gettin’ a second chance with them if you keep that up.” She pulled her hands back. His face scrunched up and he found himself crossing his arms, if he had his tail out it would’ve been irritably swaying behind him right then at just how annoyed he was getting at this weird lady and her words. “Oh yeah? An what do you think’s best then huh?” “I dunno if you’d be up for that kinda challenge…” She idly fiddled with an imaginative piece of lint off her sleeve, which only seemed to irritate Mac further at the thought of him not being able to handle Wukong of all people. Like sure he’d gotten his ass handed to him before but he could still hold his own! “Try me.” The chick glanced back at him with a smirk, which caught him off guard for a second before he shot her a glare back. “Alright, but it’s definitely not gonna be as quick or easygoing of a recovery as you might hope it’ll be. Nor is there even a chance of you recovering it in the first place. But, you at least got that spark enough to try so who am I to deny?” ‘Hmpt, dam right I got a spark.’

“First of all, no more blaming, if you’re gonna tackle this properly, you gotta do yourselves a favor an quit it with the blame placing. Sure it’s easy, but it ain’t gonna get you nowhere but back to square one. It’s all in the past, the now is now. So push forward to fix it and put it behind you two so you can focus on the more important things.” “Easier said than done…” “Hey man, even if they don’t follow the same ruleset at first you could always work things out to make it one later on. I’m just tellin’ ya right now so you won’t just go diggin’ yourself a deeper hole.” Honestly at this point he was pretty much six feet down under, death to him would’ve been a mercy right then. “Fine…” He rolled his eyes. “Next up, apologizing…” -----------~----------- “I thought I told you to stay off my island.” Mac didn’t really glance back from where he stood high up on one of the breathtaking ledges that which Flower Fruit Mountain bolstered. His arms crossed, eyes sternly held against the leftover warmth of the late afternoon sun as it shifted the skies hues from blue to blood red. Hopefully that would be the only tinge of red the Mountain would see after today. “I know.” “What, no witty remark? Give me one good reason-” “I just wanted to talk.” Mac stated plainly. “Why the hell should I give you the chance?” “...” Mac wasn’t sure if he could come up with a good enough reason after the shitshow he’d caused him the last few centuries, most recent being his spat with him between MK. “I’m sorry.” That seemed to catch the king off guard, as he paused in his vicious glare to stare at the other. “Excuse me??” “I’m.Sorry.” Mac turned finally to Wukong, that look of fiery malice having softened immensely upon meeting their eyes. “I was wrong for what I did and I’m sorry.” Wukong’s face looked like it had had a stroke with how frozen in place it was, almost like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Hurting everyone around you just to get back at you, I was wrong for doing that. And I just wanted to apologize.” Mac’s face twisted a little, the words coming out a little rougher than he’d liked, but he’d managed to get three steps in so far… “If you think a few sorry’s are gonna be enough to make up for all that crap then you gotta nother’ thing comin Mac.” Wukong finally shook off the surprise and crossed his arms with a steely gaze. “Nah I know they ain’t worth shit with as long as it's been...which it’s been..a really, really long time come to think of it..nearly 3000 years…” Fucking yikes. “What’s your point?...” Wukong raised a brow at him. “My point is...my point..” What was his point? To make amends and hope they’d get back together? To go back to the way things were? That couldn’t be done with the way things were now. Wukong had a successor, a moral compass, a lotta shit that Mac didn’t. A lotta shit that he wanted but never could figure out how to get his own. His face scrunched up a little and he sighed, “I..just wanted to make things right.” “Oh-hoh? After so long you finally decided to admit you were at fault? Sorry Mac, but it’s waaaay too late for that.” Wukong huffed, “Honestly, this is probably just another one of your stupid tricks if anything. The old Macaque would never throw himself down like that.” “Well maybe I’ve changed!” Mac exclaimed suddenly, his temper flaring a bit as his eyes flashed lightning. “3000 years later? As if…” Wukong rolled his eyes and turned away, “You’ve still got that same look in your eyes you always do whenever we fight. Do me a favor and just keep away from the hot springs this time yeah? The last time you were here you sent a whole dam boulder over there and smashed half the pools.” He waved his hand dismissively. “And I happen to take my once a month bath’s very seriously.” Mac’s nostrils flared a little at just how flamboyant Wukong was acting towards him and his attempt to make amends. How he just saw his attempt as a joke and nothing more, it pissed him off. Wukong had changed and everyone had accepted him, well not everyone, but still, why couldn’t the same be for him? Had he really fooled himself into believing that there was a chance he and Wukong could be together again? His shoulders slumped a little. Of course, who was he kidding. A 3000 year old pit of grudges wasn’t about to just up and disappear at the wave of a white flag. This was Wukong, the same guy who still playfully pestered the gods and demons around him for past conflicts that had happened between them. -----------~----------- “But you can’t just go, ‘ooo I’m so sorry for what I did.’ Nah, you gotta follow the five steps.” The chick claimed. “Yeesh, this a learning course now?” Mac tilted his head to the side. “It is if you wanna make things right.” She claimed matter a factly. “The five steps have never failed me before and have worked wonders for any an all my relationships. Might not quite have the same range of effect you’re going for but it’ll at least be a good start.” “Heh, you got the guts to back up that case?” Mac sneered. “I will if you don’t manage to screw it up.” The chick pointed out. “The five steps go as follows.” - express sorrow (I’m sorry) - own guilt (I was wrong) - name specific wrongs (I did X) - name impact (I hurt you) “And finally...” -----------~----------- “What can I do to prove myself to you?” Macaque asked finally. “What can I do to at least make it to where we can..not fight anymore..and just talk?...” Wukong stood there for a long moment, his features unreadable as their silence was muffled by the wind bellowing between them both from being so high up. “You really are serious about this aren’t you?...” Wukong’s head shifted ever so slightly, but not enough to where Mac could get a reading on his emotions. “I’m tired of fighting and waiting and thinking that if enough time passes things’ll go back to the way they were...when they never will. Trying to hurt you isn’t gonna make the old you come back, no matter how many times you beat me down...It’ll never be the same.” Mac admitted finally. A quiet gust settled down between them, before Wukong seemed to let out a dry chuckle and shook his head. “Can’t believe it took me 3000 years to beat the sense into you.” He turned and looked back at the other, where he no longer held a look of seething hate, but more akin to that of the same tired look just as the one Mac wore. Mac felt a sliver of guilt wriggle its way into one of the cracks of his heart and he glanced away, pulling a hand back and scratching his head. “Yeah well...your kid hit me pretty hard last time, enough to knock it in place.” A small smile crept a little onto his face. “Hm~ He’s gettin’ pretty good at hittin’ stuff with that old stick.” Wukong’s eyes glinted a little at the appeal of how proud he was for MK having taken Mac out the way he did. A little over the top and flashy, just like him.” “He’s got a pretty strong master to thank for that…” Mac found himself yearning a little for that same glint to be reflected on his memory the same way as MK’s. Not that he couldn’t see himself holding the same appeal for MK the way Wukong did, kid was strong, just a lil desperate in some of the cracks that shaped his outline. Something Macaque found that was easy enough to take advantage of, and something Wukong held a blind eye to. “Hm.” Wukong’s reply pushed him out of those thoughts for the moment as they shared a brief look between one another. A glimmer of reconsideration flashing between the two before Wukong finally turned his head away to drink in the sunset before them. “One chance.” Mac felt his heart nearly stop at that answer. “I’ll give you one chance, but if you screw this up, don’t even think about showing your face to me again.” Wukong replied, “I mean it this time…” Mac swallowed a little and nodded. Anything, he’d be willing to do anything to gain back what little trust he could from Wukong. “Good...you can start making up for it by apologizing to MK.” Mac blinked and sputtered a little as Wukong turned away and began to make his way back down the mountain. A smile playing on his lips while Macaque groaned to the heavens about his next trial.

#shadowpeaches #LMK #lego monkie kid #my fics #Sun Wukong #Macaque #AND MEEEEE #BECAUSE I SAID SO #>:3c

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realcube · 4 years ago

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class 1-A’s love languages headcanons 💕

tw// swearing, crying, she/her reader

Yuuga Aoyama

his love language is words of affirmation

like tell him that he looks fabulous but he is also a talented hero

and. he. will. die.

of happiness ofc 🥰

and whenever you are feelin’ insecure he’ll do a pretend fashion show with you to boost you spirits (o゜▽゜)o☆

Mina Ashido

her love language is physical touch

but not in a *holds your hand 🥺* *kithes🥰* sorta way

but rather in a

“YOU’RE SO FKN CUTE, (Y/N)!!!” *aggressively pinches your cheeks*

and whenever she kisses/hugs you, it’s always a surprise attack form behind

she is also 159cm in height (almost 5″3)

so if you are shorter than her, she’ll sprint up to you and before you have time to react, she’ll engulf you in her arms

if you are around the same height as her, she’ll sneak up to you and try to jump onto your back, peppering you in neck kisses

and if you are taller than her, she’ll grab your hand and place a kiss on the back of it

Tsuyu Asui

i think her love language is gift giving

but not typically gifts from the store

it’s usually cute flowers or any sort of pretty flora that she finds on her walks

and she’ll sometimes come to your room just before lights-out and hand you a shiny rock or a colourful flower like “hi, (y/n). i found this flower in the park a nd it reminded me of you. so here, i hope you like it.”

then you cry (❤´艸｀❤) it’s too precious

also when she visits your dorm, she notices that you have a jar filled with all the flowers she’s every gave you and shE BRAIDS THEM INTO YOUR HAIR

and if you don’t have hair, she makes you a flower crown out of them

Tenya Iida

the king of gifts periodt ✋

to him, gift giving is kinda like a sport and if it was, he’d definitely be winning

he’ll be out getting groceries or sumn then he’ll pass the candy aisle and just *flashback to 3 months ago when y’all were studying together and you randomly said you were craving sour patch kids*

then he buys two packs of sour patch kids (❤ ω ❤)

so obviously excels during holidays like christmas, valentines day or your birthday

and if you make it explicitly clear that you need something (ex. water, medication, cutlery, soap etc.) and you will go get it in x amount of day(s)

expect it to be in your hands within 1-9 hours

“Iida, you didn’t have to rush out to get me Ibuprofen - I was going to go get some in a few days anyway.”

“Yes, but as a hero in training, you must agree that seeing your partner potentially suffer to due a preventable cause would be inhumane.”

“I-..”

Ochaco Uraraka

her love language is probably quality time

OR words of affirmation BUT ONLY ONLINE

like irl she loves going on lil’ picnic dates with you or dates to go watch the sunset or star-gazing..or literally anything where she gets to spend as much time in your presence as possible

you could literally take her on a date inside the sewers and she’d be like 🥰

in the moment (during the date) she just looks at you and wants to tell you how beautiful you are but she is way too nervous

but as soon you leave she texts you sumn like ‘OMG >< YOU ARE SO GORGEOUS 😍 AND I WANTED TO TELL YOU SO BAD BUT I COULDN’T 😩’

also, hypothetically, if she had a phone which supported social media platforms like Instagram and Snapchat

she would definitely be the sort of girl to post cute candid pics of you on any special occasion and i mean ANY

like she doesn’t want to just random post pics of you bc she thinks that’d be weird so she looks for any excuse she can

deadass she’d post a beach pic of you and her on her insta with a caption like, ‘happy pancake day to @y/n.l/n 🥰💖 on our first date we shared a stack of pancakes so this is a really special day for us 💓 i’m so blessed to have a stunning, smart, amazing gal like her by my side always 💕’

Mashirao Ojiro

he’s a physical touch kinda guy

sometimes he’ll randomly drape his tail over your shoulder to pull you close

or he’ll pat your head with either his hand or tail when ever you do anything remotely impressive

“ooh, i’ve apparently taken 17k steps so far today, ojiro.”

then he’d be like “that’s good” *pat pat*

he also gets butterflies whenever you hug his arm or tail while he is talking to someone

AND HE WILL KISS YOUR WOUND BETTER IF YOU GET A PAPER CUT OR SUMN

Denki Kaminari

bb is blushing profusely when you hand him a pikachu plushie , saying it reminded you of him

before that, he was probably a physical touch sorta guy but once he realised how awesome and special that simple action made him feel, he became a gift-giver

however, 99.9% the gift is a plushie and the other 0.1% it’s a doll

(he literally bought a whole fkn barbie bc you owned a dress similar to the one the doll was wearing)

“it looks exactly like you!”

“i don’t think so..” “it literally does!”

anyway, whether he is at the mall, in the town, in a gift shop or at the carnival, if he sees something that he knows you’d like or that reminds him of you, he’ll stop at nothing to get his hands on it

flashback to that one time at the carnival, there was a stall that had a huge fkn Kuromi plushie up for grabs

so he asked the lady running the stall if he could have it and she said it was all his, if he could get a ball into the basket 3 times in a row

-- my man was sTANDING THERE DESPERATELY TRYING FOR 30 MINUTES STRAIGHT 😭

and once he figured he couldn’t do it on his own, he got the bakusquad to help him out

(bakugo was all like ‘i’m not helping you, dumbass’ but kirishima convinces him to give it a shot and as soon as he misses on the third shot, he is livid.)

(”YOUR STUPID PARTY GAME MUST BE BROKEN, LADY!”)

anyway, after an hour of holding up the line, the lady just gave the plush to kaminari for ¥1000

but it was all worth it after he saw how thrilled you were 🥺

he came round to your dorm one day and noticed every plushie he had ever given you, sitting on your bed

you told him that they help you sleep and he just..died..

IT MADE HIM SO FKN HAPPY TO THINK THAT YOU TREASURE HIS GIFTS SO MUCH (≧▽≦*)

Eijirou Kirishima

his love language is words of affirmation imo but with a sprinkle of physical touch

like whenever he sees you looking nice or sumn..he’ll just tell you

he has no shame and why should he? he’s just telling the truth

if you walk into the room looking ✨immaculate✨ he will tell you

he’s just like ‘if nobody else is going to say it then I will.’

when your face lights up after he has just told you that you’re beautiful or that you’re one of the most likeable people he’s ever met; it makes his day every. single. time.

the sprinkle of physical touch is because he tells you what he is thinking all the time

and he thinks you’re stunning even when you are lounging around the dorm complex in casual wear and no makeup

so he’s aware that he might’ve watered down his compliments a bit by saying them too often

(even though he’s telling the truth every time)

so he likes to give you hugs and kisses to express his affection without seeming like he’s buttering you up

Kouji Kouda

honestly, idek which category he falls under bc he does so many different things to show his love

like, he’ll use his quirk to get a butterfly to land on your head so you can take the perfect photo for instagram

he always holds your hand in crowded areas so y’all don’t lose each other

(he would end up crying in the corner of a Hot Topic or sumn if he couldn’t find you tbh)

he writes mini-love notes v. late at night and uses his quirk to get an insect or bird to carry it up to your room

religiously takes you out on dates to the park

or library/study dates (p≧w≦q)

Rikidou Satou

acts of service but mostly to do with baking

if his s/o doesn’t like sweet treats then..it just..can’t work

he’s very good at noticing when you are down and what he bakes depends on the severity of the situation

like, if you’re just a bit bummed because you got a bad mark on a test, he’ll bake cupcakes and leave a few outside your dorm

obvs accompanied by a cute lil note abt how proud you make him and how you’re the most diligent person he’s met so he knows that you’ll succeed if you just persevere

and as soon as you come to him with your improved mark, he’ll bake you a cake with ‘congratulations, (Y/N).’ written on it

Mezou Shouji

acts of service. but like..service service

he treats you like royalty-

he is the kind of bf to give you his jacket if you’re cold

he can and will use his quirk to form more arms just so he can hold your bags along with his own

if you enter is dorm and he doesn’t offer to take your jacket immediately then i’m sorry to inform you but that is not shouji..that is toga in disguise

you’ll never have to open a door if you are walking next to him and don’t you dare even try to

just an overall gentleman tbh

sometimes you try to get him to stop being so kind bc you’re afraid ppl will think you treat him like a butler

so he’ll be like “sure ..

i’ll hold just your gym bag rather than your gym bag and school bag.”

“don’t hold any bags, shouji..”

Kyouka Jirou

her love language is definitely quality time

there is nothing she loves more than vibing with you in her room - whether y’all are studying, cuddling, playing videos games or something else - while chill music plays in the background, either from a playlist or from her playing it herself on one of her instruments

and sometimes when she’s feeling especially comfortable, she might hum a tune or sing some lyrics to match the mood

she asks you for suggestions for music to put on bc she loves introducing herself to new music

but when you’re concentrated, she doesn’t want to disturb you so she just puts on a playlist she made prior

she doesn’t create a new playlist each time you hang out but there is at least 10 new songs added to it every day

the playlist is called ‘lazy days w/ (y/n) 💕’

anyway, she just loves hanging out with you bc you’re one of the very few people who don’t annoy tf out of her

also - she’d never say it aloud but - she thinks you’ve got a very comforting presence and you make her feel so exhilarated whenever you laugh (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

Hanta Sero

Sero loves spending as much time with you as possible - hence, he’s a quality time sorta person

but i also think he’s barely a quality time guy bc he expresses his affection in so many different ways

he’s like a mix of 4

( not gift-giving, whenever it comes time to get you gift for whatever occasion, he’s always stumped and ends up asking someone for help)

he preforms acts of service in a sense that if you are both cuddling on the couch and you are cold - even if he seriously can’t be assed to move - he’ll force himself to get up and bring you a blanket

he is really good at compliments bc he barely has a filter so if he sees you looking good, he’ll straight up tell you

plus, he loves seeing your reaction - especially when you get all flustered

and physical touch bc..cuddles :)

to him, there is just something reassuring about having you in his arms

Fumikage Tokoyami

a quality time man mwah

he doesn’t play music on speakers when y’all hang out though, he just likes to sit with you and either mindlessly chatter or chill in comfortable silence

he also doesn’t put in earbuds bc he thinks it’s rude

(you assure him that you don’t mind if he puts his earbuds in but he is always like..no..)

he just loves your company bc he seriously can’t think of somebody he’d rather spend his time with

also he is convinced that he does things 10 times better with you around

when he’s not with you though, he misses you- like- seriously

sometimes he’s just out with his friends or watching a movie with his family and he is just like ‘this’d be more fun if (Y/N) was here-’

and you said that you missed him too when y’all weren’t together

so he did the reasonable thing and made you a playlist for you to listen to whenever you missed him ( •̀ ω •́ )

he sent you the link and your heart stopped bc it was literally called ‘i love you 🖤’ AND THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME HE’S EVER TOLD YOU THAT AAAAA

‘you’re so sweet, tokoyami 🥺 i love you tooooo’

and good thing that was over text bc otherwise you would’ve seen him blushing profusely (= ╯▽╰ = )

as for the contents of the playlist; it’s probably quite diverse

some alt pop, some indie, a bit of R&B, pop rock and a lot of Metal/Rock

Shouto Todoroki

his love language is acts of service

most of them are school related though

he can easily tell if you’re struggling with the coursework and asks you if you want go on a lil study date at the library or in his dorm

he also helps you with homework or explains the material to you if you don’t understand it

and he’s the best teacher since he’s extremely patient and well-spoken

if you’re feeling under the weather, he’ll head to your dorm to fetch your notebook so he can write the class notes for you

and he’ll put in the effort to make them as similar to your other notes as he can

so he flicks through the pages and (for example) if you have a highlighting code, he’ll look for the legend and highlight the notes he took accordingly

once school is over for the day, he goes to your dorm to drop off the notebook, putting it back in the respective part of your bag

and the next day when you open your notebook to check the notes, you notice that he wrote a little note for you;

‘get well soon 💛’

it was a simple, kind gesture but the small details like how he coloured in the heart with a glittery yellow highlighter he must’ve took from your bag had you blushing (^///^)

also, whenever you’ve scheduled a study date at his dorm, there is no way in hell you’ll walk into his room and there isn’t 2 bowls of fresh soba sitting on the desk

no way. impossible.

(or if you don’t like noodles, then two bowls of rice.)

Tooru Hagakure

physical touch bb

she just likes you to know that she is there

also she loves how soft your skin is ^^

she really likes surprise hugging you from behind and you’d think that she’d be very good at that considering that she is.. invisible.. but she’s really not

she has very unique and recognisable voice

and whenever she creeps up behind you, she’s always snickering quite loudly

but you like seeing her happy when she thinks she surprised you so you just think to yourself ‘get ready to pretend to be shocked’

so as soon as she wraps her arms around you and goes ‘boo!’, you jump and always say the same stupid line you wish you would stop using but it just comes out naturally

“ope, didn’t see you there, tooru.”

but it makes her laugh every time so maybe it’s not such a bad habit

Katsuki Bakugo

he’s definitely a physical touch kinda guy but tries to be an acts of service man..y’know?

he doesn’t want you thinking that he likes hugging, cuddling, kisses or any of that none-sense bc..he is a big macho king explosion murder

and he knows that if he gets to comfortable with showing affection through physical touch, it’d become a habit then he might do it in public and the last thing he wanted was a rumour coming out that ‘king explosion murder is actually a huge cuddle-bug dork!’

so he hides it the best he can and expresses his love by like letting you wear his hoodie and not cussing you out when you do something stupid

but the fact is, nothing makes him feel better than holding you in his arms - under a blanket or not - with your face buried into his chest and your arm lazing draped over his shoulder

he usually does a good job at resisting his urge to randomly kiss you or take your hand in public

but there was that one time

luckily, it was on a date rather than on a school outing so it was only you who knows about it

it was probably around 6 months after y’all first started dating and he took you on a date to the carnival

there was a gang of boys who looked around a few years older than y’all and they were chatting amongst themselves until they approached the line you and Bakugo were waiting in (to get onto a ride at the carnival) and the group of boys stood behind you in line

at first everything was alright; they were just chatting while you were raving on about the ride to bakugo but he kinda tuned you out after he heard one of the guys say something along the lines of

“she’s kinda hot- a bit young but so fit. i think she’s from the UA too.”

that comment was enough to make his blood boil but a separate comment from one of the other guys tipped him over the edge,

“yeah and look at the guy she’s with. he’s the feral guy that needed to be put in chains at the sports festival - how embarassing.” he snickered, which was genuinely one of the most annoying noises bakugo has ever heard

his voice was low, in a whisper so they probably didn’t expect bakugo to hear it over the background noise of the carnival along with the girl yapping in his ear

but he did

and when i tell you this man was livid

in that moment he seriously considered just turning around and burning each and every one of those guys into a crisp

but the law-abiding citizen and hero inside him said no

instead, he fiercely snaked his arms around your hips to pull you into his chest and looked over his shoulders to shoot literal daggers at the guys

he led you out of the line for the ride in silence and you followed him without question - having heard the things those guys said but choosing to pretend as if you didn’t

“What was that about?” You finally asked as he brought you over to a bench, pulling you onto his lap

“Nothing.” He said, oddly calm as he stared into the void

“Okay.” You rolled your eyes, deciding not to pry as you obviously already knew what provoked him to do that. “I’m gonna go get some cotton candy then. Do you want some?”

“No.” He replied monotonously, allowing you to hop off his knee but immediately grabbing your hand, preventing you from going any farther than arms length from him.

“you needy cow.” you giggled, playfully kicking his shin, “I’m so hungry - let me go!”

“No.” He replied in the same monotone voice. “I can’t be assed to move.”

You leaned back, pulling your whole weight backwards to try get Bakugo to release his grip on your hand and eventually he gave in and got up, sluggishly following you to go get cotton candy

you gleefully popped some of the delectable fluff into your mouth before sneaking some into bakugo’s mouth too.

“are you gonna let go of my hand any time soon?” you asked, wanting to hold the bag of cotton candy for yourself but instead having one hand interlocked with his and the other being used to rip small pieces off as Bakugo held the bag in his spare hand

“No.”

[(a/n): not the over-used jealousy trope 🙊]

Izuku Midoriya

definitely a words of affirmation kinda guy

bc he knows what it’s like to have to go through life with barely anyone besides your mother telling you that your great and that you’re worthy. it’s depressing and traumatic and he wouldn’t wish that misery on his worst enemy

so he’s like your personal hypeman :)

making sure that you always feel appreciated, confident and loved

during the sports festival or anything similar, he’s always louder than the cheerleaders when it comes to your turn to shine

“GO, (Y/N)! YOU’RE SO POWERFUL, YOU CAN DO THIS! I BELIEVE IN YOU! REMEMBER TO BREATHE!”

slightly embarrassing for him but when he sees you smile confidently back at him, every ounce of embarrassment melts away and he is just filled with joy

he gets really emotional sometimes as well

but not like ‘you just faced an opponent and won bc one all your hard work and training - i am so proud of you’ sorta emotional

but like ‘omg you walked into his dorm wearing a new dress and you look really beautiful and you smiled at him so emotions wash over him and he just cries bc he realises how lucky he is to have you.’

he loves to receive words of admiration from you too though

one time you wrote him a birthday card and signed it off as ‘the future wife of the #1 pro-hero’

and as badly as you wanted to just sign it as ‘from the future pro-hero 😘’

you didn’t bc you knew how happy the other option would make him

Minoru Mineta

idk perversion ig?

wait no his love language is titties and/or ass

Momo Yaoyorozu

gift. giving.

like you have no idea how much serotonin she gets when she sees you overjoyed at gift she gives you

bc in her mind she knows that it was her that made you that happy and no amount of trophies will ever compare to how accomplished she feels for being the reason behind your smile

she’s a QUEEN 👑 UGH 😩💓

322 notes · View notes

ttttaehyungie · 4 years ago

Text

secret santa | kth x reader

secret santa | kim taehyung x reader

genre | bff2l, fluff

summary | What you thought was an ingenious plan to figure out the perfect gift for your secret santee turns out to take a whole bunch of wrong turns, but with the best outcomes.

rating | NC-17

word count | 6.2k words

warnings | some profanities (it’s like... once LOL), mentioned breakups, it’s Christmas in the context of a pandemic

a/n | Merry Christmas everybuddy 🎄✨ here is a lighthearted (or at least it was until i hit the 6am point of the night while writing slkdjflkjd) lil christmas gift to everyone, but mostly to myself LOL bcos I’m finally posting a fic about the one who owns my heart in its entirety 😌

Christmas without you would just not be Christmas at all

Bright mistletoes up above us, it’s just you and me

-- V, Snow Flower

“C’mon, ____,” Taehyung whines. He plops down on the couch next to you and puts his big, round eyes to good use, giving you the puppy dog eyes treatment.

Well too bad for Taehyung, having known him for the last decade has granted you immunity against his pouty antics. There’s a couple of things that Taehyung employs in a bid to get what he wants. First, he’ll whine. Next, he’ll attempt to reason it out with you… or as much as he can convincingly reason with the pout still laced thick in his tone. If that fails, he’ll try bargaining. And finally, if none of the aforementioned has managed to sway you, he’ll just pout in silence.

“That’s the thing about Secret Santas, Tae, they’re supposed to be, y’know, secret.”

“Well, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me who your santee is!” he exclaims, throwing his hands in the air.

There it is. Stage two.

You ignore him and return to scrolling through Amazon in what you hope is a nonchalant manner.

“What if I guess who it is?” he tries.

When you don’t reply, he continues, “Is it Hoseok?” He runs a hand through his golden locks in thought. “No, buying for Yoongi is easy because all he ever wants is practical things like planners. You wouldn’t need help with that. Hm… Is it Seokjin?”

He rambles on about different kitchenware that could make a good present for Jin, a ramble that would have been really helpful if only Jin were actually your secret santee.

Taehyung gasps and falls silent, shocking you into finally looking up from your phone. His already round eyes are even rounder, wide as they are in shock. A hand hovers over his mouth as he goes still.

Then, as suddenly as he had gasped, he relaxes into a laugh.

“For a moment, I thought your secret santee was me,” he says, chuckling. A jolt runs through you, and your breath hitches in a way that you pray is unnoticeable. “But you’re too shitty a liar to do that.”

“Hey!” You jab his side playfully and he yelps. “What do you mean? I’m a great liar.”

“That’s a blatant and unconvincing lie right there.”

You fold your arms and turn away.

“I know you’re not actually mad, ____,” comes his sing-song voice, crossing his arms behind his head and reclining into the couch.

Letting out another huff, you turn further away. So when he grabs your hands and pulls you to face him, it startles you a little.

His eyes search yours, and you can’t help yourself from stumbling into their depths. The seriousness in his gaze holds yours intently.

But just as you think he’s about to apologize, his eyes melt into little crescent moons as he grins. “So. Who’s your secret santee?”

His cry comes out muffled under the cushion you hit him with.

An exasperated groan leaves you the moment you close the front door. Tipping your head back to rest against the solid wood, you shut your eyes. You hear footsteps pad closer.

“I take it your plan didn’t succeed?” Irene says, leaning against the wall as she takes in your defeated stance.

“Nope,” you say, picking yourself back up and hanging up your scarf and coat. Your roommate’s still in the same fuzzy pyjamas she was in when you’d left for Tae’s earlier in the day, and honestly, she’s got the right idea. You’re ready to get back into jammies too.

A Lifetime movie plays in the background, and you’d be willing to bet your life’s savings -- not that there’s much when you’re but a struggling student -- that she’s got a mug of hot chocolate to accompany her.

“Another Christmas movie?” you scoff in mock disgust. “How are you not sick of them yet?”

“What else are we supposed to do during a quarantined Christmas?”

“Don’t kid yourself. You’d be doing this even without the quarantine.”

“Hey. If you detest it so much, I heard that Taehyung’s place has many vacant rooms right now.”

You roll your eyes. She got that information from you. Both his roommates were gone from the apartment for the time being, one went back home for the holidays and another had chosen to attend the entire semester from home since everything was online anyway, leaving Taehyung with the luxury of the entire apartment to himself.

Meanwhile, Irene was making full use of the ongoing situation to evade going back home for the holidays. Too much family drama to allow her to binge-watch her holiday flicks in peace, she’d said.

And you? It’s kinda awful, but you’ve chosen to remain in your apartment just slightly off-campus so that you could get a head start on your research for your thesis, the campus library’s offerings much more vast than the local neighborhood library of your small town hometown.

Upon hearing this, Taehyung had offered to stay to keep you company over the holidays. “We’ve spent every Christmas together ever since we were kids, Christmas would just feel too weird without you,” he’d said. “And then we can join the gang’s Zoom Christmas celebration together too! I heard that’s what Namjoon and Jin will be doing since they’re both in the city over Christmas.”

How you’d managed to keep yourself from melting into a puddle of goo at his casual selflessness was a real feat. Taehyung had always been close to his family, and often missed them intensely while you guys were miles apart from home each college semester. So for him to give up a trip back home so you could still have a piece of home with you over Christmas was not a small sacrifice.

“Hellooo?” Irene waves a hand in your face. You jump, jolted out of your thoughts. “Are you actually daydreaming about it? Ooh, staying over at your crush’s place with no one else around… saucy things could happen, ____.”

Although that wasn’t what you were thinking about, you still feel the heat rise to your cheeks at being caught daydreaming about Taehyung. Instead, you give a feeble excuse to get Irene off your back, “I’m just thinking about secret santa gifts again. Ugh, why’d I have to draw him of all people?!”

“Are you sure you aren’t overthinking this because of your feelings? How difficult is it to think of a gift for a guy you’ve been friends with since you were kids? What about his interests?”

“That’s real tough. His hobbies are so whimsical and oftentimes just impulsive. Remember the phase with the film camera? And then the short-lived violin phase? And the piano phase? The only outcome of that phase is him playing the Chopstick Waltz every single time we pass by a piano.”

“Well, what about something that’s been a constant in his life then through all the phases?”

You purse your lips in thought, weighing the thought. It’s not a bad suggestion, but what has been a constant for him all this time?

Coming up with naught, you sigh and turn to head to your room. “I’ll think about it while I get changed back into my jammies.”

When you described Taehyung’s ideas and interests as being whimsical and oftentimes impulsive, this is exactly what you meant.

“Tae, I don’t think it’s gonna fit. Why’d you get such a big one?”

“You just have to believe, ____. We just need faith, trust, and- well actually, maybe just faith and a really good, hard thrust.”

“I feel like there’s so many that’s what she said jokes to be made here.”

“Wasting your energy on that line of thinking is the reason why we haven’t gotten this christmas tree through the door yet.”

With one more solid push, the widest part of the tree finally makes it through the narrow doorway of Taehyung’s apartment, and the two of you go stumbling forward with the extra momentum.

“We did it!” he exclaims, wrapping you up in a hug. “You believed!”

Internally cursing yourself for the way your heart has the audacity to stutter at his touch. The hug is nothing- the warmth that seeps from his body to yours is familiar because hugs are nothing special in your friendship. Even in your grade school memories, Taehyung had always been a tactile person, giving out hugs generously and demanding them in return by simply throwing himself at people to be received in an embrace, coerced or not. As you and your peers grew older, Taehyung became more aware and withheld himself from his sudden hug attacks, especially towards the other girls. But not you. He felt no need to skirt around things with you, and you found a quiet hum of satisfaction in knowing that Taehyung could be his tactile self with you. Hugs were just an expression of your friendship. Nothing more.

That is, until you wanted them to be more.

You shake the thought away. You’ve dealt with this successfully for more than a year now and you can continue on.

Taehyung loosens his hold but keeps his arms around you, leaning back to look at you. The soft puffs in his cheeks and the light creases around his eyes as they bunch up in happiness are just some of the little things you adore about him. The contentment practically radiates off of him. It’s just like him to get this excited over a christmas tree.

“Shall we get to setting it up?” you ask and he nods, releasing you completely then to get to work.

After the two of you find the perfect spot, situating the tree in the corner of the living room by the windows and in reach of a power socket, you grab the bag of decorations.

The oddly small and light bag of decorations.

“Tae?” you ask, pulling out the single box of baubles. “Is this all you got?”

Grinning sheepishly, he nods. “I didn’t have much left for decorations after I chose the tree.”

“Why’d you choose such a big tree then?”

“What’s the point of getting a tiny tree? It’s only nice and festive if it’s large!” he exclaims.

“Well, what’s the point of getting a big tree that will be bare except for six baubles, Tae?!”

“I was thinking we could improvise the decorations.”

You quirk an eyebrow. “Improvise?”

“Yeah, like- wait,” he says, running to his bedroom. His voice floats over from the narrow corridor, “just hang on!”

After a little rustling and rummaging, Taehyung emerges with two shoeboxes and a few scarves thrown over his shoulders. Grabbing one of the shoeboxes from him, you open it to reveal a bunch of keychains. Souvenirs from his friends’ travels and some of his own too. In there, you recognize an eiffel tower keychain you gifted him after your family’s holiday to France.

“Here, look!” He grabs a few and begins hanging them on the tree. “Decorations!”

You laugh. It’s a classic Taehyung move, and honestly it doesn’t look half bad. Picking a few keychains of your own from the box, you join him in placing them around the tree.

“What are you going to do about the tree topper?” you ask.

He smirks. “I’ve already got that all figured out.” Unboxing the second shoebox to reveal his collection of polaroid photos, he rifles around till he finds the photo he wants. Brandishing the polaroid of Yeontan, he grins. “Both an angel and a star. Perfect.”

You can't argue with that logic, and you say as much before vacating the step stool so he can clip the polaroid to the top of the tree with a wooden peg. Eyeing the pile of scarves on the couch, you ask, “What about the scarves?”

“Scarves? You mean ribbons?” he says, and begins draping them across the tree. You giggle and reach for one. The soft material is plush, caressing your skin as you run your fingers over the material. It's much nicer than the other scarves, you notice, and way too nice to be stuck on a christmas tree.

“Hey,” you say, “isn’t this cashmere? Are you sure you want such a nice sweater on your tree?”

Taehyung shrugs. “It was a gift from my ex. It’s not like I’m going to wear it anymore.”

His ex. The words hit you like a punch to your gut.

Taehyung's ex, Samantha, was a pleasant person to be around, easygoing and bubbly with a sunny personality that matched him well. At least, from what you could tell based off the first two months of their relationship that you got to witness firsthand. You're not quite sure who exactly initiated the distance -- whether it was from your own courtesy that you gave them space, or whether Samantha had, directly or indirectly, requested for it -- the memories were all too foggy by now.

What you do remember is that one moment they were happy together, and the next they were broken up, the relationship lasting just a little over six months. Taehyung never spoke much about it and when you did probe, he would brush it off with scant excuses that they just figured they weren't compatible after all.

That had been some time in the spring. Briefly, you wonder how many wears the scarf had gotten, and how much sentimental value it held. The quality of the material hinted towards a relationship that had been going strong.

Yet, you muse over it as you drape the luxurious material over the prickly christmas tree, Taehyung brushed it off with such brashness that spoke otherwise.

“Hey,” Taehyung breaks the silence that has fallen between you, clearing his throat in a self-conscious manner as if he’s feeling guilty over the awkward turn that the conversation had taken. You look at him, half-hidden behind the tree pines, his eyes pensive. Maybe he’ll finally open up about the relationship -- it’s been eight months after all. But then he flashes his usual elfin grin. “Any luck with your secret santee gift yet?”

You groan, partly because no, you’re still clueless and stuck on what to get him, and partly because he’s once again evaded the topic of his ex.

The incessant buzzing of your phone gets ignored, vibrating almost violently in its spot on the tinyass coffee table next to your feet which you’ve kicked up ever so demurely. The consecutive, rapid-fire notifications can only be from an overly enthusiastic Taehyung.

Irene nudges foot with her own socked one. “Aren’t you gonna check your phone? I can pause the movie if you want.”

“Nah, I’ve watched Home Alone enough times to not care about missing anything. And it’s probably just Tae being all excited about secret santa gift suggestions.”

“Ooh, how’s that going? Finally got him to spill what he might want?”

An exasperated sigh escapes you. “No, he’s sending me individualized suggestions for everyone that are so well thought out and personalized that I can’t get them for anyone else.”

Grabbing your still-buzzing phone, you flick through your texts. Just as you’d predicted, Tae’s sent you a bunch of Christmas socks he found on Amazon that he thinks would make a good addition to Jin’s collection of festive socks, a set of really nice paints that would pair well with Yoongi’s newfound interest in painting, and an anthology of time-travel short stories that he thinks would fascinate Namjoon.

“Hm, d’you think he’s called your bluff? Intentionally sending you suggestions that wouldn’t be helpful?”

You shake your head, frowning. “Tae’s not like that. Honestly, it was just a bad move on my part, hoping that he would give some generic gift suggestion that would let slip what he really wants. Tae is too thoughtful to get people generic gifts. He puts his heart and soul into the presents he buys for others.”

Reaching over, Irene pinches your cheek lightly as she coos at you, “Awww, you’re so in love with him. I can feel the cavities forming.”

“Pretty sure those are from the hot chocolate with extra marshmallows you love so much,” you say, tipping your chin in a gesture to the mug in her hands.

Irene sticks her tongue out and takes an extra large sip in typical defiance.

As much as you mock Irene for her love for Lifetime holiday movies and hot chocolate, you do have to admit that there’s a certain appeal to it. Curled up on the lumpy couch in Taehyung’s apartment, cupping the hot beverage in your hands, even the uneven lumpiness of the cheap piece of furniture begins to feel comfortable.

The entire room is dark, save for the glow of the television. Taehyung has always insisted that this is the best way to watch movies. Maybe it’s a good thing your makeshift decorations on the christmas tree -- still standing proudly in the corner of the room -- didn’t include christmas lights after all.

Outside, the snowfall has gotten pretty intense, the temperature dipping significantly compared to the previous few days. It is well and truly winter, the cold showing no mercy to anyone who wasn’t prepared for it. You’re thankful to be inside and with a nice hot drink.

But as the film runs on, you get so engrossed in the plot that you don’t even realize you’ve finished your drink till you drain the last of it. Oh.

Looking over at Taehyung, you could always request for more and you know he’d be more than happy to make you another cup. But the movie is at its climax and the way his eyes are glued to the screen, his mouth slightly agape with how invested he is in the film, you can’t bring yourself to interrupt him now. So you try to ignore the way the cold begins nipping at your fingertips.

Soon enough though, the once warm mug that was a pleasant source of heat became stiff cold ceramic between your equally stiff fingers. Scrunching your toes, you wish you’d thought to bring an extra pair of socks over, especially when you think about the pair of socks you’d stuffed into your boots, soggy and cold with melted ice. A shiver runs through you at the thought.

“Are you cold?” Taehyung asks, and you jump. You didn’t realize he’d noticed.

“Yeah, a little.”

He pouts. “Why didn’t you say something sooner? C’mere,” he says, and lifts the edge of his blanket, revealing his plaid pants and sweatshirt combination.

Crawling in quickly, you tell yourself that you’re only complying because you know he’ll put up a fight if you don’t, and you don’t want the cold air getting into the cocoon of warmth he’s created with his blanket. Not because you’re excited to snuggle up with Tae. Definitely not. But now that you’re here, you may as well make the most of it, you figure.

Taehyung yelps as you press your icy toes to his warm thigh. Your arms wind their way around him, desperately seeking out the warmth of his body heat. Nuzzling lightly into the crook of his neck, you sigh, finally getting some relief from the cold.

The tiniest of groans escapes him. Then, a tight gasp. Stiffening, you peer up at Taehyung carefully.

He’s turned to look at you too, his attention that was once rapt by the movie now focused directly on you with equal intensity. Nervous energy accumulates within you and your heart rate skyrockets, now keenly aware of every hard plane of his body against yours. The logical part of you regrets the way you launched yourself at him and gave no regards for personal space. But you’re only dimly aware of that. The part of you that just wants Taehyung, the part that you’ve kept under lock and key, now fights against the restraints you’ve tied yourself into, unravelling you. You gnaw at your lip unsurely, and you watch as Taehyung’s gaze drops to your lips, heavy-lidded as they linger there, then darting back up to meet yours head-on.

The hand that he has on your hip grips you a little tighter, and you clutch the front of his sweatshirt in response. Your heart is pounding now, and the headiness of it all makes you feel swirly. Is he leaning clo-

Slam!

Both of you jump. The noise from the film startles you both, and you accidentally head butt Taehyung’s chin in the midst of it. He yelps in pain.

“I’m so sorry!” You frantically rub the spot to soothe it. “Are you ok?”

He laughs it off in his usual carefree manner. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“You sure? It doesn’t hurt?”

“It’ll be fine in a bit,” he says, pulling you into his chest, his warmth emanating from his chest to your back in a comforting manner. “Let’s continue watching the movie.”

With his arms wound around you, you wonder if he can feel the way your heartbeat continues to beat erratically. If he does, he says nothing about it. And underneath you, you can feel clearly how his heartbeat matches yours in its stuttering pace. But you say nothing about it. Not for the duration of the movie, not when it ends, not when you stand to leave, and not when he wishes you goodnight at the door.

The next day, you wake up with thoughts of yesterday sending your mind into a spiralling whirlpool. You decide it’s time to make an emergency call.

Also, it’s five days to Christmas and you still haven’t thought of a suitable gift for Taehyung.

“Hello?” comes a chirpy voice over the line.

“Jiminie!”

“____! What’s up?”

“Listen, I need your help. It’s about the secret santa thing.”

“What about it?”

“I need a suggestion for a gift for your best friend.”

Jimin chuckles. “Isn’t he also your best friend?”

“Well, yes, but…”

You take him through your original plan to covertly ask Taehyung what he would like by asking what would make a good gift, and how it got completely derailed, to which Jimin just laughed. And then your discussion with Irene on finding something that has been a constant in his life. Since you’re on the phone with Jimin, you take the chance to rant about your annoyance with yourself at not foreseeing Taehyung’s thoughtfulness and the personalized gift suggestions that he’s been giving you.

“____,” Jimin interrupts you mid-rant. “The answer is right in front of you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe your plan didn’t really fail. If Tae is suggesting personalized gifts, then…” he trails off meaningfully.

You gasp. “Oh. You’re absolutely right, Jimin, you genius!”

“This was your own plan, ____.” He chuckles. “Now as for what has been constant in his life… Do you really not realize?”

Oh.

“Jimin, you’re a genius, y’know that?”

“So I’ve been telling everyone.”

“Ok, I gotta go now,” you say, excitement zipping through you as your mind fills abuzz with different ideas now that Jimin has set you on the path.

“Seeya on the 25th, you dork.”

“See you!”

Belatedly, you realize you missed out on telling Jimin about what had happened the day prior. But you shrug it off, figuring that you could tell him about it another time.

---

But as it turns out, you don’t. The hectic rush of preparations for Christmas keep you and your friends so busy, you’re thankful everyone’s blocked out Christmas night for each other or you’d just miss each other completely otherwise.

Days on from the eventful movie night you had with Taehyung, the distance has already caused the memories of the night to go slightly fuzzy. You wonder if it had really even happened, or if you were just overthinking everything as per usual.

And since Taehyung never brought it up, your friendship carrying on in the easy status quo, it was simple enough to chalk it up to your own imagination.

The rush towards Christmas keeps itself up even till Christmas day itself. You’re huffing a little as you squeeze yourself and your grocery bags through the doorway of Taehyung’s apartment. The lopsided feeling of your beanie sitting askew on your head is just one part of your disheveled state right now.

“Tae!” You set the bags down and replace the spare key in its hiding place. “I’m here!”

He comes bursting out of his room and running over to help you with the bags. “Is it time to bake?” His tone is bright and shimmering with anticipation. Baking Christmas cookies with each other’s families was a tradition the two of you grew up with, and a tradition you both intended to keep even while away from your hometown.

Pulling the cookie cutters out of the bag, you wave them with a grin. “Shall we? We still have to prepare dinner after this and make sure we log onto Zoom on time too.”

The afternoon is filled with a flurry of flour and butter and sugar, cookie cutters and oven mitts, and a whole lot of messy icing. You pipe out a beautiful blue and white star, if you do say so yourself, taking pride in the baking skills you’ve honed over the past twenty years. Meanwhile, Taehyung scribbles Yeontan on a star-shaped cookie of his own. He adds this to his collection of alien cookies and rabbits on the moon.

When you’re both done decorating and the icing is left to set, you get to work on dinner. It’s a simple affair, just some mashed potatoes that you set Taehyung to work on, some lightly roasted veggies, and a rotisserie chicken from the supermarket in place of the usual Christmas turkey your families would normally have.

Grabbing plates to serve up your dinner, you can hear the chorus of hellos from the living room as Taehyung sets up his laptop to join the Zoom call. It fills you with a warmth you didn’t know you were missing, the cacophony of noise from your friends still as familiar as it always is even though it’s filtered through the speakers on the laptop. If anything, it may even be more chaotic than ever, with everyone speaking over each other, the social cues becoming even harder to read over the virtual platform.

When you finally enter the room with your two plates, the noise only gets louder, everyone shouting to greet you. You say a quick hi and slip back into the kitchen to get the tray of cookies to show off to the rest over the webcam.

You take your place next to Taehyung, seating yourself next to him in a similar cross-legged position, your knees knocking together as you both squeeze to get into frame together. Memories of the movie night come back to you, but Taehyung seems unfazed. Feigning calmness, you try to focus on the ongoing exchange instead.

The conversation drives itself, years of friendship and months spent apart from each other fuelling the chatter. With small talk on how Christmas day was for everyone, quick catch-ups on how everyone’s doing, inside jokes and references to shared experiences of the past, the atmosphere feels just like that one year you all went on a camping trip together and sat around the bonfire on the final night, swapping stories and jokes in a breezy fashion.

Just as the conversation slips into an easy placidity, Hoseok suggests you all move on to the secret santa bit of the night.

That’s when you gasp. Amidst the manic pace of the day and its activities, you’d forgotten to retrieve your present from where you’d stowed it in your apartment. In the same way that you treated Taehyung’s apartment like your own, so was your apartment to him. Taehyung could walk into your apartment any moment, whether you were present or not, and you needed to find a good secret place for your present. Stashing your prepared present in an unused cupboard in the kitchen, you remember commending yourself for having found such a great hiding spot. Turns out, it was so excellently hidden that even you had forgotten about it till this very moment.

But your internal struggle and the guilt that plagued you went unbeknownst to the rest, each taking turns to open their presents. A whole range of reactions and sound effects went on, Hoseok thanking Taehyung for his gifted sunglasses with such sincerity that transcended the boundaries of the webcam and screen. Yoongi had bought Jin a new fishing reel, and the boys were in the midst of discussing their next fishing trip.

But it was Namjoon’s reaction and the chaos that ensued that truly had you relaxing a little from your anxious-frustrated-guilty state.

“Snacks? And wet wipes?” Namjoon’s expression is incredulous as he pulls the items out of the brown paper bag. “Who’s giving me all these freebies?!”

“FREEBIES?!” Next to Namjoon, Jin smacks the table, causing him to jump. “I’ll have you know that those snacks were selected after careful observation, and I even went so far as to scout out for the specific brand you like and some even required shipping from elsewhere because the grocery stores near us didn’t stock it, and I got you wet wipes because you’re always spilling things, or maybe you could use them after you’re done snacking while on the go, but you still have the AUDACITY to call it FREEBIES?!”

At the sight of Jin gone red in the face, the snickers that the rest of you had been holding in came bursting out.

“Ok, I think we’re the last two to open our gifts,” Taehyung says, reading the room and moving on quickly before Jin could get even more agitated. “____, this is yours from your secret santa.”

Ripping open the wrapping paper swiftly, you find a brown leather-bound journal with your initials embossed on them in gold.

“Oh! This is beautiful,” you gush. “And since we’re the last two, this must be from Jimin!”

Even through the screen, the sight of your friend’s smile, eyes all scrunched up with the sincerity of it, has your heart swelling.

“And that means… that I’m your secret santee!” Taehyung gasps. “No way. And this whole time I was calling you a bad liar.”

He rambles on, explaining to the rest about your sly method of attempting to discreetly ask him what he might like for Christmas. The whole time, you’re chewing on your lip, trying to find the right moment to interject and explain what’s happened.

“Ok! So,” Taehyung finally pauses, looking at you expectantly, “I’m ready for my present!” His hands are cupped and ready to receive the present… that will not make it to him tonight.

You place your hands in his, lowering them gently and taking in his obvious confusion. “I’m so sorry, Tae, I left your present back at home. I promise I’ll bring it over tomorrow! Or you can come over after this to grab it if you want.”

“Oh,” he says, puppy dog pout hitting you full-force with guilt. “But I still want a gift now, so…”

Grasping your hands that are still in his, he tugs you forward into his chest, and plants a soft kiss on your lips.

Silence. Both from your brain, and from everyone around.

It lasts for two seconds -- your group of friends has never found it easy to shut up after all -- and then it’s an eruption, pulling you back to the reality that the two of you are not alone.

You can hear Jungkook screaming, “GROSS!” and Namjoon yelling in confusion. But Jimin’s tinkling laughter, filled with unmistakable joy, cuts through the noise along with a raspily muttered, “It’s about fucking time.” from Yoongi.

In the background, you hear Jungkook asking, “Waaaait, so does this mean that Seokjin has to give Namjoon a kiss now too?” and Jin’s immediate, “NO!”

The noise jump starts your brain back into motion. You attempt to pull away from Taehyung, highly aware that your friends are subject to witnessing all of this, but he tugs you back, anchoring you to him with an arm wrapped firmly around your waist. The laughter from the laptop speakers turns into cries of outrage and then an abrupt return to silence with a click, and you realize that Taehyung must have closed his laptop, ending the Zoom call.

Looping your arms around Taehyung’s shoulders, you begin to respond to his kiss, eyelids fluttering closed. It’s new, it’s electrifying. But it’s also like something deep inside has finally clicked, like you’ve finally arrived. You’re home.

“Did you know?” you ask. “About me having feelings for you?”

“Yeah,” Taehyung admits. Heat rises to your cheeks at that, and you hide your face in his chest. Now that you don’t have to be seated on the floor to be in frame for the Zoom call, the two of you opted to move to the lumpy but still much more comfortable couch.

The gentle strokes of his hand in your hair is familiar and comforting, reminding you of the infinite patience he’s always shown to you. It’s a reminder that this is Taehyung. The boy you grew up with through thick and thin. Your best friend. And that gives you the boldness to continue despite your embarrassment.

“How? And when?”

“Honestly,” he trails off slightly, in thought, “I think it was Samantha who made me realize it.”

A pang of jealousy hits you. But you’re immediately wondering if it’s even warranted, now that you guys are… Well, what exactly are you? You make a mental note to clarify that.

“She was jealous, y’know,” he continues. “Didn’t want to say it at first, and tried to put up with it because she understood that our friendship is not something she could just expect me to give up.

“But it got to a point where things just couldn’t go on any longer. What she initially saw as discomfort that she would learn to overcome with time, soon became an awareness that the two of us were crossing the line of just friends, even if we hadn’t realized it at the time.”

Taehyung sighs, causing you to look at him. He smiles down at you, and skims your cheek with his thumb affectionately. “Maybe it’s because you’ve been here by my side all my life, that it was such a gradual thing and neither of us really realized it.”

“Yeah,” you mumble. “It was only after you began dating her that I realized how not okay with that I was. I thought it was just me being the possessive best friend trying to get used to having to share you. But then I realized I didn’t just want my best friend back. I wanted what she had.”

Swallowing hard, you remember the bitterness of the jealousy you felt back then, and that still recurs from time to time.

“What about you then? How did you come to recognize your feelings?” you ask.

“Samantha made me face up to them.” There’s a faraway look in his eyes. “One day she laid it all out, about us being more than just friends. And when I denied it, she asked me, would I choose you over her if I were forced into making that decision. The answer very nearly rolled straight off my tongue. And that was when I knew.”

“Is that why you broke up?” you ask. Taehyung nods. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, you silly girl.” He boops you on the nose. “I’m just thankful that Samantha was as understanding as she was about it. I think that’s why it took me a long time to get over it -- knowing that I’d hurt someone as wonderful as she is with my own blind ignorance.”

“And you too,” he says, leaning down to lay a soft peck on your lips. “I hated knowing that I’d hurt you because of my lack of awareness of my own feelings. That’s why I had to take my time this time around, to make sure that I know for sure.”

“Do you know for sure now?”

“Yes,” he says, holding your gaze with seriousness that has you swimming in its depths. “I’m yours now. Purely and fully.”

When you returned to your apartment the next morning, Irene was waiting to grill you on your whereabouts. It didn’t escape her notice that you hadn’t come back to the apartment the previous night, and she joked about how the vacant rooms in Taehyung’s apartment probably didn’t matter because you could always spend the night sharing his bed anyway.

And when you, blushing madly but holding your own nonetheless, informed her that she was right, well, you should have anticipated her squeals of excitement. “Tell me everything!” she had demanded.

You also should have anticipated the endless teasing that she would put the two of you through, especially in the Christmas season. After a trip out to the stores, finally taking a break from her Lifetime holiday movies marathon, she’d returned with copious amounts of mistletoe to hang all around the apartment, insisting the two of you make up for lost time.

But what Irene doesn’t need to know is just how much the two of you agree with her. Stealing a tiny sprig of mistletoe from around the house -- there’s so much that she wouldn’t even notice anyway -- you pack it into one of the clear baubles you’d bought for Taehyung��s Christmas present, nestling it into the box alongside the other clear baubles that were customized with pictures of the two of you.

#ficswithluv #bangtanhq #btswriterscollective #bangtanarmynet #btswritingcafe #bangtanfairygarden #btsbookclub #btswritersguild #taehyung x reader #taehyung fic #taehyung oneshot #bts x reader #bts fic #bts oneshot

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inkykeiji · 3 years ago

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Hiya Clair my darling I hope you are well 💕

How are you holding up? I hope that you’re taking it easy and doing better than the last time I spoke to you, my thoughts are with you always especially when you’re going through so much at the moment so I really am thinking of you during these really awful times <3

I wanted to just say that first before I started going off talking bout whatever I just end up rambling about - I’ve made a lil list of your film recs and I’m going to get through them eventually, that’s my goal in the next few months at least - I had already seen a few of them that were on the list so already got a head start there

I have really not been up to much this past week, mostly just working but these next couple weeks are gonna be really busy for me since places are properly opening up again soon and I have quite a few friends/family birthdays so my calendar is looking intimidating but I am looking forward to seeing people since it’s been so long since I’ve gone out with more than like 5 people

Omg also I went out for a proper date night which was so lovely, had dinner then went on a walk by the river and it was some romantic shit I tell you I’ve never felt so wined and dined before, we don’t really do dinner type date nights since our ‘dates’ are normally just us hanging out together or just going out to the movies or something which are all things I love doing but it’s nice to dress up and go out, we did a similar thing not too long ago to make up for the lack of going out we’ve been able to do and tbh I am now getting used to having lil dinner dates now - in more tmi news we did fuck in the back seat of his car so first time car sex was pretty amazing as well, I also am pretty convinced someone saw us soooo love that

Oh I did not realise how long I was just talking about going out to dinner for so I guess this is an immersive ramble now - anyway have you got any plans coming up? What have you been up to? I’m looking forward to these secret projects you mentioned, sounds vvv exciting - I also think that you made the right decision with you hair since the upkeep of dyeing it a colourful colour just a lot and I’m so glad you found hereditary scary too because my best friends brother watched it the other day and he said that it was scary but not that scary and I was just shocked anyway I will love you and leave you now <3 sending my love and hugs to you always <333-🍯

hello my precious honeybun <33

oh my luv, you’re so so so sweet, thank you so much <33 i am doing better!! slowly but surely. still taking it one day at a time and setting little goals for myself to accomplish each day <3

omg did you!? aaaaah that makes me so so so happy to hear!!! omg i hope you enjoy them!! and i absolutely cannot wait to hear your thoughts on them if you’re willing/comfortable to share!!!! i’m sorry i gave you such massive overwhelming lists LMAO i just aaaaaah love film so so so much and i can never limit myself to just a few when people ask for recs sigh </3

aw, that sounds nice!!! we’re finally moving into stage two over here, slowly slowly slowly. i just can’t wait to go to the mall again tbh. i desperately need some new clothes, but because i’m so tiny i have extreme difficulty ordering clothing online because i never know how it’s gonna fit!!! so i always prefer to go into the stores and actually try things on to make sure i like them before buying them.

AWWWWW HONEYBEE <3333333333 THAT SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! my boyfriend and i cannot wait for the diners to open back up. we have this little tradition of going to diners (he gets burgers, i get breakfast food, always) and then sharing a sundae or a milkshake for dessert and ugh we both just miss it so so so much :( i genuinely can’t remember the last time we actually got dressed up and went on a fancier date either; usually those are reserved for art galleries and special movie theatres hehehe <333 but i miss it a lot and i’m looking forward to being able to do it again :(

BUT I’M SO SO SO GLAD THAT AT LEAST ONE OF US IS GETTING TO DO THESE THINGS HEHEHE also also i fucking love car sex, like so much, i like the semi-public aspect of it idk idk i quite enjoy it (i also love riding him, so)!!

HAHAHA NO BB NO IT’S OKAY i love hearing about it!!! <33 i have zero plans atm except for working and writing, which is okay with me!!! most things are still closed around here, so my man and i really just end up hanging out together in our bedrooms and stuff. OH OH i might see my best friend this week which would be lovely because i haven’t seen her in a while!!

HEHE THANK YOU THANK YOU <333 i hope you enjoy them!! and yes wtf hereditary was genuinely terrifying and tbh i was so happy because it’s so difficult to find a sincerely scary movie nowadays??? at least that’s how i feel LMAO like, midsommar was scary, yes, but it had more of this deeply unsettling and unnerving feel to it whereas hereditary to me felt like pure terror hahahaha <3 thank you my sweet honey i love u so much <33333

#UR SOOOOOO CUTE HEHEHEHE <333 #i'm just genuinely so happy to hear that you've been out n about!!! and having fun!!#hopefully all of your social events aren't too draining for you sweetpea <333 #you are always in my thoughts!!!#sending so so so much health and happiness ur way! <3 #ily please stay safe as always and of course have a fantastic week!!!!#can't wait to hear from u again <3 #🍯.anon #clari gets mail

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zirkkun · 4 years ago

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a suffering aftermath.

a suffering aftermath. (Undertale Fanfic - based off of huntsman. by @alch3mic - rated M by AO3 standards)

+ huntsman!sans/lil red!reader (though instead written with they/them because;; self indulgence)

+ 1241 words, english

+ hurt/comfort with yandere elements. this is a rant fic based on parts of huntsman. that reminded me very much of of my own life. lowkey i guess “based on a true story” cause it’s my life lol

+ takes place after the events of huntsman., which you should totally read btw

+ “He thought it would be over once they were dead. Unfortunately, there are some scars left behind that cannot be healed. And he hates them with every fiber of his being.”

+ AO3 link

"You know... I'm glad that my stalker is gone, but..." They bit their lip as they spoke. "I always fear they're going to come back."

Sans turned to his human, a brow raised, the faint noise of the television still playing the movie the two of them had been watching. "what brings this up?" he asked.

"I... I dunno," they confess. "I was just thinking about it again." Pulling their legs up onto the couch, they held their head up by resting it against their knees. "I... I don't know if you know this, but... I had troubles with them long before they were my co-worker. In high school." There was a long pause between this confession and their continuation, eyes flipping between the television, the floor, and Sans's face eagerly awaiting the rest of their story. A sigh slipped passed their lips. "We'd met in middle school and were friends for a while, but it wasn't long until they were really clingy in... really physical ways. I... I really hated it. So I started just ignoring them, cause I didn't know what else to do. But they had my email, so they kept emailing me..."

For a moment, they tried to distract themself from the memory of it by watching the movie in front of them instead, but it was clear by Sans's motion of wrapping an arm around their waist and bringing them closer to him that he wanted to hear more of the story. Caving to this, they timidly continued. "They sent me a lot of horrible things, Sans. Long winded explanations of their abuse. Endlessly typo-filled letters of their love for me. Graphic descriptions of their sex life. Threats that they would cut themself or even kill themself if I didn't reply or accept them as if they weren't flawed. I was so scared. I didn't know what to do." It was beyond their control: tears started to trickle down their cheeks as they started to remember everything all at once. At the very least, Sans's gentle rubbing against their back was a bit calming, but it didn't stop the horror overwhelming their mind.

"E-eventually the emails stopped but... the stalker came back. It's almost like they were reignited the second I had a boyfriend." Sans repressed his resentment to hearing such a phrase, but soon pushed it aside with the reminder he could not change his human's life from before him. It only moderately settled his nerves. "The threats they made to him... he later ended up being just as abusive as they were, but so subtle and positive about it that I didn't even realize, but, stars, if anything happened to him because of me?" They shook their head aggressively, words cracking as they fell out of their mouth. "I don't know what I'd do with myself."

Sans couldn't bare to listen to their crying anymore. He pulled them even closer, embracing them completely in a hug and nuzzled into their neck, trying to carefully shush them as their cries refused to cease. Burying their face into the fabric of Sans's black hoodie, they tried to get a grip on their emotions again before saying anything; their hands were death gripping the back of his sweatshirt, trembling as they tried to calm their ever stuttering breath. "S-sorry," they eventually whimpered.

"for what, sweetheart?" Sans whispered. "it's ok. i'm here for ya. just say what you've got to."

Swallowing heavy, and while appreciating his kind words, they couldn't help but feel guilty for suddenly dropping such a heavy topic on him out of nowhere. Ah, it was just like them, wasn't it? To once again ruin a nice date night Sans had planned for the two of them... Their grip on his shirt tightened.

"Ha, ha..." They let out a nervous laugh, trying to sound at least a little more uplifted. "Can you really believe all that happened when I was 15...? And it wasn't even half of it..." They took another heavy breath before continuing, trying to suspend their hiccuping weeps for at least a brief time. "When it got to the end of high school, they desperately tried becoming friends with me again. We had a singular class together... and every time it rolled around it sent me into a silent panic attack. Sometimes they tried passing me notes through a 'mutual friend'... sometimes they'd hang up signs on their desk during class directed at me... and like six or seven times they made alternate accounts to try and follow me online and become friends that way... as someone else I didn't call a stalker. Every time I blocked them, they called me out, creating so much drama that I lost all the friends and bits of internet fame I'd built over the years..." They tucked their head further down. "Sorry, you don't care about that..."

"i care about everything that has to do with you," Sans blurted. "everything."

But they still weren't so sure, and skipped the topic anyway. No, they were sure he wouldn't care about how they had to make a new internet personality entirely. That was off topic at this point. Rather, the more important point...

"You know they found me again. They got the same job as me. They tried working with me. They tried asking me out again. They tried asking to be friends again. They threatened me again. They... They even learned where I lived and stalked me for weeks--"

"i know, i know," Sans hushed. "but they're not gonna hurt you anymore."

"But how can you be so sure...?"

"have I lied to you before, sweetheart?"

His coy tone. He knew the truth. But it's not like he would ever dare say anything.

To them, his voice sounded merely playful. Reassuringly positive.

... to an extent.

"No..." they mumbled, though some part of them wasn't wholly confident; speaking against his hoodie. "No, you haven't."

Sans pressed a soft kiss against their neck. "and i'm not gonna, ok? you can trust me. they're never going to hurt you ever again. not while i'm here for you."

The television continued through the movie, which was reaching its end. A pity. So close to a normal evening. But it was fine for now. The reasoning was legitimate enough. Sans was even finding himself a bit devastated at the sight of his Little Red's tears. Their genuine tears. Each one crushed him. Fueled his anger.

Hunting the enemy had been easy.

Dealing with the mess they caused was not.

Had this stalker not already been long dead and disposed of, Sans would have dropped everything to kill them right now. Anything to stop these tears from dripping down his precious human's cheeks. But now, there was nothing to express his fury onto. He could do nothing for now other than hold them close, despite how every passing second of hearing that traumatized sob practically cracked his Soul, bit by suffering bit.

Why is this not so easily dealt with?

Why can't he just... throw what's unnecessary away?

Why can't this motherfucking rat leave his Little Red Riding Hood alone?

Sans held them just a bit tighter. A bit more desperately. "i'm here for you, sweetheart," he reminded once again. He even grimaced as they held a tighter grip on his jacket, practically feeling their pain as if it was his own.

"nothing bad is ever gonna happen to you again."

#undertale #undertale fanfic #sans undertale #huntsman!sans #yandere tw//#past abuse tw//#hurt/comfort #oneshot #rant fic #zircon writes #undertale au

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dolphin-enthusiast · 4 years ago

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why hello again my sweet morgy~!! 💞🌠🍭 what a lovely evening to wind down with some writing and a glass of wine! hopefully you are doing alright!! well, of course school is going to make our days a little worse for now, but fingers crossed that i can offer a little brightness to you 😊💞 the second day of virtual school was extremely boring, i hate having to sit at a computer for hours,, so i ended up daydreaming and playing with fidget toys and eating lollipops hehe (1/8)

"yet again, you prove to be quite the charmer my dear morgane, out here once again with all of your smooth-talking! i swear, you will be the death of me one day, killing me with kindness,, i can only wish to be such a sweet person like you!! until them, i just have to keep pulling my dumb little one liners in hope of possibly flustering you back 😘 (2/8)

and today i made the unfortunate discovery that i have my ex and lots of mean people in my classes,, and so little of my friends! this is gonna be such a hard year i suppose :( sadly all i can do is hope that this year will be better than the last,, after all, as long as i can ignore/avoid them all staring at me and making comments, i'll be okay ❤ (3/8)

i had a hard time focusing in lots of the class video calls due to anxiety, so i doodled some portraits of my teachers!! i needed the practice anyway,, i haven't drawn in a while! i sent them teach the finished sketches and they both gushed with compliments!! it really cheered me up, i'm glad i was able to make people happy with my little doodles! 💖 (4/8)

speaking of drawings, i woke up to more artwork made of me! it's so so flattering, truly!! it shocks me how some of these artists do such amazing drawings for free, they're all so talented!!! ooh, and this reminded me, i should probably tell you all that all of the art, picrews, etc that's made for me and morg is saved in a special little photo album on my phone,, i call it "things people have made for me 💕" (5/8)

i like to go through them on bad days to lift my mood, so when i always say that your efforts mean a lot to me, i'm not lying 💓 but don't fret darling, even though we do deal with a lot of trouble in our daily lives, there'll be a time in the future when we'll get away from our bothersome struggles, no? and i do look forward to that incredibly so,, (6/8)

we have all of these improvised plans building up that i'm sure we can escape from all of the stress for a good while, we just gotta hang on until then!! and i'm always here to offer endless support, love, and wholesome stuff to brighten your day when you need it! one day at a time dear, we'll work our way there 💗💗💗 (7/8̶ 9)

oh, and of course i'll cook pasta for you amore, and fresh pasta at the least!! there's so many things i have to cook for you and others, so prepare for a feast in the future! after all, i only cook for my loved ones~ 🌺 ooh, i must've glazed passed that one ask about iris by the goo goo dolls,, i just wanna throw in that i absolutely love that song and my papa and i sing it all the time!! maybe i'll post a lil singy thing of that song here... 😖 (8/9)

oh dio, it seems the time has flown too fast again,, i wish these moments could last longer!! at least i can come back tomorrow and see you again! so i bid you a goodnight dolcezza, make sure to take care of yourself! as always, i'm thinking of you 💌 - tutto d'amore, waifu xoxo 💋 ps: don't worry amato, everyone is awkward when first learning to dance (even me!), but i'm sure you'll learn fast when i teach you 💘 (9/9)"

Before anything else if yo ex trynna start shit....je suis here👁️ iS thIs gUy bOtHeriN u qUeEn??

But like i felt that on a spiritual level online claases make me absolutely bored and i almost fell asleep so many times in the past also bc my sleep schedule is fucked so unlike the times i'd get up and freshen up a little now it was like me fighting off with my own body 10 min before online class starts asmr dhshdhdhd (i also basically end up playing video games or watching anime when shit really gets boring lmao)

AnYwAYs thats so wholesome?? The fact that ppl keep makin u stuff and u saved it in a folder too🗿 which reminds me...trust me i aint this wholesome or kind really u dont give urself enough credit dear u can b very sly/smooth if u want to so its def not just me here👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️

Now i could only ever dream of having such a positive attitude as urself bc my dumbass gets thru life by ignoring and pushing down everything which is hella unhealthy but do we care n o t a t a l l ksshhx if anything im glad u keep maintaining a positive aura urself and i have to agree we have so many plans its unreal.....it just succs that life b kinda wack🤡🔪

On another note it sounds to me like we'll have to not only dance but also sing together....i have a feeling i said this before but s t i l l👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️👁️

#the confessional #once again u come for my wig and dont evem give urself credit for it s m h🤩

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dredshirtroberts · 5 years ago

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Naming and Other Fun Things You Can Do With Your Trauma

Below will follow my journey to where I am today with my sexuality and romantic attraction levels and kind of be a look at where I might be with it all at this time. Because I want to figure shit out about myself for me, not because it actually matters right now, and I think taking a look at The Shit™ I’ve put myself through romantically will be a good jumping off point.

I might get TMI, as a warning, because I’m not good at keeping things to myself online. So be aware of that.

Alright so...how far back to I go? Do I start with the most recent endeavors or do I end with them? How do we accomplish this task.

Let’s start with actual romantical feelings I guess. I had a crush on the same guy for 7 years. There were other crushes during that time, one of which extended well past the end of my crush with the first guy. The 7 Year Crush was a guy I knew from church. He was a whole year older than me and he was Cool™. He had the cool guy haircut, everyone at school knew him, his parents were well known in the area, he played guitar. I liked him from age 7 to age 14 with no breaks. I finally got over him but it took a long time.

Now We’re Best Friends was fun. I acquired that crush around 10 or 11 or so - another church kid, again around a year older than me. They’re non-binary now, and one of my best friends. My crush on them was like...at least 10 years long. Again, there were some others that came and went during that time but I was a bit obsessed. They’re still really fuckin pretty but I’m at least aware they’re not actually my type and we would have been super incompatible so thanks to the universe for steering me away from that one.

The David Incident was...an attempt to get away from Now We’re Best Friends. I was 16 (going on 17, dahdah dee dahdeedaahhh). I knew him through some of the people we hung out with (ironically, NWBF was one of those people. I had a very small circle I interacted with - I’d say I was friends with them but they turned out to not be very good friends so, yeah...). We’d hung out at a couple of “parties” our mutualest friend held. I went to my sister’s dance recital for the dance school that same mutualest friend went to, so The David Incident was there watching her perform I guess. I never questioned why he was there I just knew he was. Why was he there? They weren’t that close.... huh.

Anyway, he complimented a necklace I’d gotten from my Nana that year for my birthday that I was wearing to the event (cause you dress up nice for your lil sister’s dance recital. Especially because the entire family shows up). We texted a bit and he asked me out on a date. We hung out pretty regularly for about 2 weeks. Mostly watching documentaries and making out, honestly. He tasted like doritos. It was kinda gross. He was also, I would later find out, a conservative neckbeard, so dodged a fucking bullet when he left me for his ex girlfriend he wasn’t over yet. They broke up again three months later and he’s married now to someone he met in college through the military program at the school.

I’m jumping over the Really Bad Choices I Made At Church Camp because he was technically too old for the event, I knew him for a total of 3 days, and he proposed to me after a week of text-only conversation. He also went into the military. This...actually this does become a theme. All my absolute worst decisions went into the military. Hmm.

Anyway where was I...

Okay so Really Bad Church Camp Choices, The David Incident...

And then I was on my own until I was in college. I’m going to count this next one as a contributing factor even though the entire relationship was completely platonic with no intention of going further (except..did I want it to? We’ll go into that I guess).

I Should Have Known Better is what I’ll call this one. This is the only relationship I had with a woman that will be listed on here because most of my relationships with women are friendship only. But this was...a lot more intense than just friendship. And I at one point wanted to be more than friends with her.

We met in class while I was in college. I had just come back from the deep south and was high on Megachurch Neo Baptist Doctrine and also whatever the people in the parking lot of the school were smoking during breaks between classes. It was probably weed. We struggled with the class because the class was shit and taught by someone who could not teach and would not recognize her own failings.

I Should Have Known Better was the first person since I’d started attending college courses to talk to me about things that weren’t class related. She invited me to hang out - she was 3 years older than me, lived on her own (with roommates, but it felt like she had the place to herself), she had a dog, and she did Grown Up Things like drinking and she sometimes smoked weed and my tiny freshly converted and c-sectioned out of the womb of attempting to be born again heart was all a pitterpatter at the thought that I was an adult and I could do that. She got me involved in online dating, we went to Disney together where I footed most of the bill (this is also where my financial struggles started up, though there was a nice long period where I was doing very well by my standards which are low but not bad). We decided to move in together because we were able to stand being around one another all the time and enjoyed it. We talked about becoming even adultier adults and moving into houses right next door to one another, where we’d have our husbands and we’d hang out all the time and it’d be great. There was one point shortly after our move where she had a pregnancy scare, and I was prepared to become the dad of that baby because the potential father was Not Good. Thankfully it was unfounded, but that’s how invested I was with her.

The place we moved into we shared with 2 other girls. These girls did not mesh well with I Should Have Known and this is where the name comes from. She didn’t handle the conflict well, none of us did, because none of us were over the age of 24. But I knew I Should Have Known and I knew it wasn’t her fault that all these other girls didn’t like her, they were just bitches who were immature because that’s what she told me they were. I never really knew the other side of the story.

Anyway we were 4 months into our lease and ISHK wanted the two of us to break the lease and move out. I couldn’t afford moving out and potentially owing 2 rents. The landlord wouldn’t let us out of the lease just because we (she) didn’t get along with the people we moved in with. They were all unwilling to try a subleasing agreement, and I had to make a decision as to whether or not I was going to owe rent at 2 separate places. Mind you, of the two of us I was the only one with a steady job and I was able to make rent and bills and feed 2 people. That was it, that was all I was able to do. I couldn’t afford her rent on top of mine - her dad was helping her.

And the thought that I could move in with her somewhere where it would just be the two of us and I might have to cover my rent (an unknown at this point), the rent at the place we were currently living, our food and bills, and potentially part of her rent if her dad wasn’t willing to help with 2 separate rents? I couldn’t do that. I consulted the cards, I freaked out and went to my family that she’d been slowly working on pitting me against for the past year or so of knowing her, went back to the cards, and spent the entirety of Thanksgiving break just in the worst state. I have always bitten my nails, especially when things get stressful. That was the first time I drew blood and it happened on more than one finger. It was bad.

I told her I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave the apartment. After the lease was up I’d be more than happy to change locations because it was only one year. She...didn’t like that. She told me that staying would ruin her mental health which was already bad, she told me that it would kill her to stay, that living with these two other girls was signing her death warrant.

That was the first time I didn’t just let someone talk me into something I didn’t want to do. Thinking about it is kind of giving me some really shitty reactions in my chest, but...but I did it. I told her I wasn’t going to leave. I sat through her reaction, I planned for her to tell me to never speak to her again, to give her back all the things she’d ever given me or lent me or anything. I sorted out my laundry so I could have her items separate. I was planning on losing my best friend because she couldn’t live with two other people.

The argument that caused all of this, by the way? Dirty dishes. I was the one who ended up cleaning them, as a side note.

ISHK ended up inducing vomiting in the shower after our major blow out about it, while I was sorting through the items she’d given me. I don’t know if it really was that she was crying so hard that she vomited or if she did it on purpose. She told me when she was done that she didn’t want to lose me as a friend, and that she’d stay with me because she couldn’t leave on her own, and also because it wasn’t fair that I be subjected to these two evil girls by myself. She had me clean the bathtub after her, and I did it. I was just glad she wasn’t angry at me and wasn’t leaving me.

Things were strained. She met a guy online, they hit it off over winter break. She’d gone to be with her parents during that time so it was literally just me and one of the other girls in the apartment for nearly a month. Learned some of the other side of the story on that one.

She comes back, she brings the guy with her to hang out. We smoke weed together, he seems alright. They plan on making brownies. You know, special brownies. In the communal kitchen.

She has me go to the one other girl - the one I spent time with during the winter break because it was just the two of us in the apartment - to make sure that it was okay. Even though no matter what the answer was, it was going to happen anyway. The other girl was not pleased, because our agreement was that she and I could smoke but we kept it to our wing of the apartment.

Thankfully this other girl did seem to recognize that I would not do something that directly went against what we’d all agreed on if the other party said no had ISHK not been there. The cops were called, only ISHK got in trouble (she could have lumped me in with her, but she was trying to keep her new boyfriend out of trouble. She didn’t have to, I guess). This did not help relations with the other roommates, of course. She was convinced it was the one who I’d stayed with over the holidays that had caused all the trouble - when not only was that kind of a projection, but also inaccurate because the person who hadn’t been doing their dishes in the first place was the 4th roommate who has been relatively unmentioned due to the fact that I barely spoke to her.

She moved in with her boyfriend when the lease was up, they eventually got married. She did a volunteer stint with a group who she later introduced me to. I feared losing her after the November Incident and let her use me like a doormat a lot more after that. Through the volunteer group I met my next mistake, but we’ll get there. She actually pushed me into trying to have a relationship with him, but I’ve now learned that I should probably not date people who identify as heavily armed and armored combat vehicles so at least there’s that.

I became so attached to this woman that I wanted to be in a more romantically inclined relationship with her and her husband. I never brought this up specifically but we were entirely too codependent on one another. She required me to build herself up and validate her worldview. I required her because I felt I had no one else.

Through the volunteer group I learned that that’s not how healthy friendships or relationships look for the most part. There were aspects that weren’t so bad, of course. I wouldn’t have been her friend for four years straight otherwise. But we were not healthy together. She may not have been abusive necessarily but she and I were toxic together.

And I should have known. At least that something was wrong earlier than I did. Because of her I moved away from my hometown. The intention was to be closer to her. Everything was finalized and then...I had to make a decision. It was her or the new group of friends who didn’t require me to be anything more than myself. I could explore my boundaries and enforce them in a safe and healthy environment and they would be respected. I had people who supported me and loved me and didn’t mind that I was a little strange because they were all a little strange and I loved them for it. Still do, by the way. <3

So my choices were someone who made me choose between being financially stable or potentially ruining everything I’d just set up four months out of my parents house and got mad at me when I made the right decision because it wasn’t what she wanted. Someone who tried to turn me against my family and very nearly succeeded - whether it’s what she intended or not that’s what she was doing. Someone who when I told her I shouldn’t have to choose because 1) it really wasn’t as big a deal as she was making it out to be and 2) I shouldn’t have known ANYTHING about the situation, specifically the things that were supposed to be confidential between her and the main person she had an issue with (who happened to have a very dominant personality - this was a theme), she told me she felt like killing herself.

And if she killed herself because of this it was my fault.

That’s what she told me. Thankfully for me I was at work an hour away and could not drop what I was doing and rush to her side. I would have, if my dad hadn’t stepped in and said “if she were really honestly going to do it, she wouldn’t tell you like that.” Which, yeah might be a shitty way of putting it, but also was true.

I chose not her. I didn’t necessarily choose the volunteer group because for me that’s not the choice I was making. I was choosing to be beside her for another however long it was, alone with no one but her, because she didn’t want me to have anyone else, until she decided she didn’t like the way things were going and pulled this shit again - or not any of that. Of being responsible for only me, emotionally, financially.

I was also beginning a relationship with The Warzone and I couldn’t separate him from her from the volunteer group.

Those next few months were rough for me. When she finally calmed down from everything, she tried to get back into my life. I requested she wait until I contact her again because I was still working through my thoughts and feelings and I didn’t need her influence in that process. I knew it would not be helpful. She would give me about a day, maybe two, before texting me again. This reset everything for me because I could not deal with her and with my still conflicted - and very hurt - feelings about the situation. And I asked her again to please respect my request. This happened several times and I finally stopped responding to her altogether.

There were only two terse emails after that, where she had me come collect my things from her house and leave my key while she was not there. The exchange happened quickly and quietly and I didn’t hear from her for several years after that.

I was with The Warzone for the summer. Considering my longest lasting romantic relationship to this point had been about 2 weeks, this was a novelty to me. I was convinced this was it, this was the time I’d done something right, after all my bad choices this was a good thing.

He had some troubles, and had things that had become roadblocks but he had a job, he had his own place, he had a direction he wanted to go in. So I’d just graduated college and he was still in college life? I was still roughly the same age as his friends, I could still hang and party. My life wasn’t that different.

Our major struggles were mainly that we lived about an hour apart, and we didn’t communicate very well. Or at all, really.

I was anxious and terrified. I hadn’t started working through all my shit yet. I didn’t even know there was shit to work through. I was grieving the loss of my best friend and I had no idea that was even happening. 2 best friends, actually. NWBF had moved really far away and I was still crushing on them super hard. I eventually told them I couldn’t be friends with them until I figured my shit out. That was hard.

I was going through a really rough patch and self medicating with alcohol and more weed because I apparently had found another pothead in Warzone.

Warzone was also my first partner I’d ever had sex with. I don’t regret Warzone necessarily, but I do regret that I invested so much in the relationship, to the point that I blatantly ignored several signs that this was not going the way I wanted it to. His own struggles led to him realizing he couldn’t be in a relationship with me. I still am fucked up over the phrasing he used, because no one wants to be described as a roller coaster the other person doesn’t want to ride on anymore.

And he did this before we were set to hang out with people through the volunteer group. I am incredibly, incredibly thankful for the people who allowed me to lean on them while I was there, who knew the situation. We kept our PDA in the group to a minimum anyway so if you didn’t know we were together, you wouldn’t know unless we told you. He showed up high about an hour after I’d gotten there. I’d showed up early because I’d had to leave after he broke up with me, and I had a nice long tantrum cry in my car in a small parking lot downtown and couldn’t be alone anymore.

My roommate at the time treated me to drinks, helped me get set up on a dating website after some wine on a different night, and was generally supportive throughout the process. I think her change in behavior towards me should have clued me in about The Ex a lot sooner, but oh well.

Because of the dating apps/sites I signed up on, I met The Ex. That whole debacle played out through my posts on here for the most part because this is where I process everything, so if you’ve been with me for a while you’re pretty familiar with my mental state while I was with him. I was constantly justifying his behaviors and actions and no one who loved me liked him but no one said anything either.

They all have carte blanche to tell me when they don’t like someone I’m dating from here on out - not that I plan on doing that much in the future, but I wanted them aware of it. After ISHK and The Ex, I need outside input to show me I’m not making good decisions with the people I’m choosing to keep in my life despite the fact that they treat me like dirt.

ISHK laid the groundwork for The Ex to fully isolate me from my family. Not only was I farther away from them than I’d ever been in my life, but he took me from the job that allowed me to see them regularly. He encouraged me to skip family events. I missed nearly 5 years of my family’s lives because of this man.

When I left him, I was already emotionally done with him. So I thought I’d be ready to try again. It may have been compensation for my loneliness, for my isolation, still so far away from my family even though they at least were aware I was struggling. I couldn’t let myself rely on them yet.

Still can’t.

So I turned back to the dating apps. And I met The Pittsburgh Mistake.

He was nice, charming. I’ll admit when I met him a gaydar went off - the one that says “Oh, this might be a trans guy”. You know all the signals we queer folk give off to one another to say “Hey other queer folk guess what I’m one of you please don’t let me be alone”? There were multiple that read as trans guy.

He was not. I wish he had been. But no he was a redpill, conservative nightmare. And he was abusive as FUCK. We went on an outing and he didn’t tell me the plan was to stay overnight somewhere. He just had me drive him around and we finally got up there and he was like okay let’s go get a room for the night.

That was the first sign.

Then he was like “Hey I gotta go back to Pittsburgh to get all my things so I can move down this way, wanna come with me?” Thinking it was going to be another overnight, maybe a 2 night stay maximum, I said sure.

We were there for almost a week. He’d driven so I couldn’t just leave. He didn’t seem to have any intention of actually doing anything to move his stuff, or sell it, or anything. He flirted with other women nearly the entire time - which I didn’t have an issue with him seeing other people, but I wasn’t, I don’t think, prepared for him to do it while I was with him. Like out with him. On things that other people might have considered dates. I’ve mentioned, however, that he took me to a huge museum and I nearly did forget that I had no idea how long we were going to be up there, I had no spare clothes - just one outfit, he would actively ignore me to flirt with other women, and he wasn’t doing anything to move the situation along with his move.

I’d picked back up on smoking while I was with him. I’ve smoked cigarettes a few times in my life. I can quit cold turkey pretty easily and that’s not an issue, it’s just...I shouldn’t do it. It’s bad for me for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that my mom’s family has a tendency to acquire rare lung cancer that’s exacerbated by smoking. The other is that I have a penchant for getting bronchitis, like, all the time. But I was smoking a lot more heavily than I had previous times, even when I was smoking a lot of weed daily with ISHK, I didn’t smoke nearly as much as I did with The Pittsburgh Mistake.

The other thing that was a huge major red flag I should have been more cognizant of is how he made it my fault if he couldn’t keep it up or get it in during sex. I was doing something wrong, I wasn’t good enough or prepped enough, even though he’d done literally nothing to help things along. It was be ready to go whenever he wanted it, or be told I was worthless and useless and I must not really like him if he couldn’t get it in.

He got really drunk and wouldn’t know what he was doing, and he got really uncomfortable to be around while he was drunk. He claimed he wasn’t an alcoholic but i know he was using it as a crutch for whatever was going on in his brain. He projected his issues onto everyone else. It was everyone else’s fault, not his. They were crazy, not him.

When he started talking about being godlike in a decidedly blasphemous way, I figured there was definitely something wrong. When he continually invited his other girlfriend over while I was still there, despite the fact that both of us had been vocal about it being uncomfortable for us, I knew I needed to get out.

When he broke a window right next to my head because I was trying to leave because he’d invited her over again without saying anything to either of us until he’d already made the decision, and he was drunk enough to not remember it even as it was happening, I knew I needed to run and never come back.

I gave him one last chance. I asked him if he knew why I was upset, and he said something bullshit I don’t even remember. I told him about himself and he accused me of gaslighting him. Which??? Telling you you’re an asshole and that I am uncomfortable when you bring your other girlfriend over and haven’t discussed it with me, especially since I’ve told you multiple times I’m incredibly uncomfortable in that situation is not gaslighting. But he thought he was a genius and so smart and so close after The Ex who had a god complex and thought he was a genius and so smart, I knew I needed out and fast.

He literally sent me a text with a screen shot of a bible verse saying “I am a jealous god” yadda yadda and something about I’ll end up dying alone if I continue being however I was being. Like, thanks, but no thanks I don’t even believe in the Christian God, I’m not going to believe you, some random redpill douche who literally broke a window because I wasn’t putting up with his bullshit anymore, is a god either. I’m very proud of my response.

“LOL, okay bye.”

Like, sorry, bro. You gotta feed me a way more intricate story than just that you think you’re god incarnate. The Ex at least told me he could travel through alternate dimensions and universes and pulled me through along with him at some point from another universe - not his, but a different one, because he loved me so much. You gotta try a lot harder on the god complex in order to top that one, buddy.

yeah I wish I was kidding about the above. I also wish I was kidding when I tell you I believed it.

I’m still working on not believing it. I don’t feel like i belong in this universe a lot of the time, and playing into that did not help. And it’s especially not helpful when I’m super depressed and feeling mildly suicidal. So that’s been fun to deal with since I’ve gotten away from him.

Anyway, those are my relationship mistakes. Warzone almost doesn’t count because it wasn’t necessarily a mistake, but I shouldn’t have been in a romantic relationship so soon after the ISHK incidents.

And through all of this, one of the weirdest things for me is realizing that when I was in relationships? I didn’t necessarily feel any draw to be any sort of way with people. Like, I was with The Ex for 4 1/2 years, and while I loved him I wasn’t romantically in love with him. Which I didn’t realize until I was on my way out of loving him at all because he was treating me poorly. I was physically attracted to The Pittsburgh Mistake, but I knew that wasn’t a long-term deal from the outset. But I wasn’t necessarily sexually attracted to him. I have a high sex drive that sometimes clouds my judgement and I know that was a part of it, but he wasn’t *sexy*. Neither was The Ex. I found him attractive, aesthetically, but he wasn’t *sexy* necessarily. I told him I found him sexy because he didn’t understand otherwise and I thought I was helping. I was actually making it worse but I didn’t know. I felt giddy around The David Incident because I was 16 and was excited that I was finally dating someone because I’d never really done it before. I was just downright stupid with the Bad Choices I Made At Church Camp and that one I will own, but again I was 16 and lonely. Now We’re Best Friends has been the only one that worked out and I think honestly it was the LGBT+ flocking instinct.

I Should Have Known was the only one I feel came closest to romantic feelings and honestly I think that was more stockholm-obsession than actually anything romantic.

So while I’m a sucker for a good love story, while I love the thought of being in a loving romantic relationship, I’m not sure I’m actually romantic? Like?

There was a post the other day that was like “I’m in love with being in love, but I’m Aro-spec" and I was like??? That’s a thing???

And then I was listening to someone else who said they were cupioromantic and I looked up what that meant because I don’t know the aro-labels as well as the asexual labels and I was like???? That’s a THING??????

So, I’m still figuring myself out. I thought I was nearly there and then I remembered I don’t make anything easy for myself. I’m somewhere on the ace spectrum. My sexual attraction is very limited to what I definitely have zero chance with and that’s because it’s safe. Also it’s very aesthetically based, not powered by my genitals or hormones. As to whether or not I’m Aro as well? We’re still working on that.

But this was apparently more about me processing my trauma more than figuring out my labels since that’s what happened. I’m still working on my labels. I may never figure it out. It might change and then I’ll be really fucked which’ll be fun.

So anyway...did you really read this far down? Holy fuck this is so long, well done. You deserve a cookie or a glass of water or at least stand up and stretch like goodness you must be exhausted. Thanks for supporting and loving me and for being here with me while I try to figure out what the fuck is going on in my life.

I love you.

#the captain rambles #this is incredibly long and very personal but I wouldn't post it if I didn't mind y'all reading it #It's mostly about the shit I've gone through over the years as relating to my personal relationships with those outside my family #and then at the very tail end is me pondering labels and what they mean to me #I just really like coming up with fun names to call the crazy shit that happens in my life #because it makes it seem less terrible than it sometimes was #because there've been some shitty things that i've gone through #but hopefully we're moving towards a better place now

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mirajcnks · 5 years ago

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ah hello everyone !!! i’m jules and wowow i am so excite 2 meet u all and interact w all of ur dope charas :’) this is my Messy intro where im gonn a scream abt mira!! ok thank u for reading if u got this far jsdjfh

[ & ; * - cindy kimberly / pansexual / she/her ] isn’t it weird how close { amira 'mira' jenkins } resembles {cindy kimberly }? damn, i heard they are a { twenty } year old { undergraduate } and a member of { delta psi delta } studying { nursing }. outside of class { mira } participates in { soccer, photography & art} and their party anthem is { good as hell } by { lizzo }.

amira was born on January 1, 1999 in Kona, Hawaii. she is actually the first baby born in the new year in Hawaii. her parents, dane and stella jenkins, were high school sweethearts & only 20-year-olds at the time of the birth of their daughter.

her younger years were great, her parents spoiled her by taking her on trips and buying her whatever she would want. they treated her like a princess and soon anought she sorta turned into one.

but unfortunately when mira was 10 years old, her parents had filed for divorce and were currently fighting over who would she would live with. ultimately, amira’s father got custody of her during the week and she would visit her mother on weekends.

dane jenkins, her father, is the co-owner of jenkin bros industries, which is a construction company. dane & his brother inherited it from their father and now run the business together. after the divorce, dane turned into quite the workaholic but still made time for his daughter

stella jenkins was a college student at the time, in which she decided she would drop out of school to become a full-time mother. during her time with dane she remained a stay at home mother but once they got divorced she started taking to online classes to finish getting her degree in social work.

she prefers to go by ‘mira’ instead of amira & will def give you the evil eye and a lil attitude if you call her by that. amira only allows close friends & family to call her that!

amira is daddy’s little girl & she wouldn’t have it any other way. her father treats her with everything she wants & give her all the money she wants to make up for not being home as much as he should. obvi one she will stop taking advantage of it but she is going to enjoy it while it last.

amira’s relationship didn’t really get much better after the divorce. sometimes she wouldn’t even go to her mom’s house on the weekend bc she was “busy.” eventually amira found out the truth, her mother had cheated on her father and was seeing some other guy instead of hanging out with her. what made it worse was she found out that he had a son, it made her feel as if her own mother would rather spend time with her son. amira never let her mother know that and still holds it against her till this day.

growing up with a decent amount of money had it pros and cons on mira as she grew up. she has grown to have a very luxurious taste. always has to the best of everything lol

ever since amira was younger she was always very bubbly and outgoing. she was actually vry into school bc she would get to see her friends.

she wasn’t a bad student, getting some A’s but mostly B’s but she really didn’t mind. she knew she couldn’t be the best at everything but at least she tried her hardest.

when amira started high school, her grades did improve but she herself got wilder. she was the biggest partier & pothead in the high school she attended. but no matter how wild she was, she kept up her grades & eventually made it to the honor roll.

also during high school, amira got really into creating art, whether it be painting, drawing or taking photographs. she also joined the soccer team to keep her busy but mostly to look good on her college application lmao

in her senior year of high school, amira decided to take a risk and apply to college she dreamed of going to, yale, doubting they would every accept her. but quite to her surprise, she was issued a half a scholarship at yale. she also turned out to be the valedictorian of her graduating class.

it broke her heart to leave her family. mostly her dad, in Hawaii but she wanted to pursue her dreams and she knew that they have her back no matter what happens

in her freshman year amira didn’t know what she wanted to do until she took some biology & anatomy classes & realized that she wanted to be in the medical field, ultimately deciding on nursing as her major

amira also continued to play soccer in her college career & joined the photography & art club to help her mind stay focused throughout the year.

amira also rushed the delta psi delta sorority & decided to join when they offered it her. at the beginning she thought it would be a waste of time but she fell in love with her sisters & couldn’t imagine not being in the house with them.

ANyways i’m totally rambling rn so i shall stop her and move on to the next thing !!

PERSONALITY

she paints liKE ALOT !!; usually having something to do with the landscapes or people or flowers bc those are all her fav things. she does draw as well but prefers to paint. amira also has a passion for photography & often paints some of her own photographs

she’s vry protective of her friends and of herself

even though she is protective af she is very open to new people in her life! never wants ANYONE to feel left out when they around her.

she def puts up a front when sharing stuff about herself and her emotions unless she rlly trusts you

she likes to think she is badass as fuck but in reality, she is loser lmao!! ( laughs at her own joke)

speaking of jokes lbr, she pretty funny and sarcastic so she isn’t the only one laughing

however sweet she seems, she can also be very manipulative when she wants to be. knowing she can bat her eyelashes and get the world.!!

she tends to try to avoid most direct confrontation even though she’s really good in social situations and appealing to people uwu

always thinking, always learning, always caring

an actual flower

loves tattoos but only has like two!!

she looks at life in terms of opportunities and has lots of wishes and goals !!

she wants to live a vry luxurious life when older even though she is now. but she wants to be able to say she earned it herself

vry romantically compulsive which can be a problem lol!!

she constantly longs for partnership; whether it’s romantic or not

when it comes to money, she can be frivolous in her spending habits one day, and frugal the next

she is a problem-solver and will spend a lot of time helping others solve problems if needed

v good at talking and well-liked

while her spirit’s lively, it is also cunning & she often acts without thinking, throwing herself into things

loves to party obvs !!! tries to go out every single night bc why tf not lmaoo

honestly she is the life of the party. whenever the party is dying down or just getting started she is the first one on the dance floor. or she is walking around making people take shots with her

she is also very open about smoking pot and is def down to try other shit even though she hasnt been offered it yet

she doesn’t have a good sense of organization but she loves life and all it has to offer <3

but some cool ass plot i’d like to see is GIRL SQUAAAD, best friend, high school friends, exes, rommie, enemies, fwbs!! , party buddies or literally ANYTHING THAT SMELLS LIKE DRAMA and just anything bc i’m plot trash!!!

#yale:intro #just drippy droppin this here before i knock tf out #i shall be on mobile during the day tomrrow #so like or slide into the dms to plot #:~) <3 #this is so long im srry omf

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anxiety-n-chill · 6 years ago

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Draft of My Ohmtoonz Fanfic

Chapter Warnings:

Homophobia, Cursing, Mention of shooting and guns and death, Mental Breakdown, Crying, Abuse, Anxiety, Insecurities.

____________________________________

Sickness was not always physical. For example, depression.

I had always been a happy person, or at least I tried my best, but recently it's become impossible to even fake it. I know it's just petty internet shit, we all deal with haters, but it's not the same. These people seem to know me, know my weaknesses.

'Your shit sucks, Luke. Fucking quit already'.

'Faggot!'

'You and Ohmwrecker god fucking queers'.

'Your father must fucking be so disappointed'.

'Should've been aborted'.

Positive people, true fans, protected me in the replies, but it didn't help. These just struck me. It's like they knew...knew about my secrets.

My laptop interrupted my thoughts with the familiar ring of a Skype call. I debated on ignoring it, but keeping myself in this depressing slump would just make things worse. I scooted my chair away from my setup and grabbed the laptop off my bed. I briefly smiled and the little collage of bunny stickers.

Opening up, I see the call was from the one and only Ohmwrecker. With a breathy chuckle, I answer.

"Good day, Ohmie," I greet. As usual, Ohm had his camera turned off, and I returned it with my own camera off.

"Toonzy! How's you?" Ryan's little giggle sends another smile on my face.

"Good..." I swallow as the hate comments return in my mind. Ryan catches this somehow; he's one of my best friends, of course he would.

Ryan gets serious. "Don't lie to me, Luke. What's up, man?"

I sigh and admit I had read the hate comments on my recent video. This isn't the first time I've put myself through torment like this, and Ryan had comforted me then too.

"Oh, Luke," Ryan says quietly, "We talked about this. Maybe it's best to turn off the comments on videos if they're getting bad like that."

"It would raise questions from fans," I answer, "And I can't ignore the true fans. I just...I just wish I was so damn sensitive."

"You're not sensitive, Luke," Ryan comforts, "Maybe go over to Del's house for a bit. He'd certainly get your mind off things."

I debate this for a minute. It wouldn't be a bad idea, and I haven't hung out with Jon in a while.

"Yeah I think I will," I say, "I'll text him now. I'll call you later, maybe we can record? Oh, also, thanks for the bunny stickers."

I hear Ryan give another laugh.

"Of course, Toonzy. See ya."

"Love ya, man."

And with that, I end the call. I place the laptop back onto my bed and return to my setup. Grabbing my phone, I send a quick text to Jon.

'yo u open to hang?'

I doubted he would be awake at 2pm, but it was worth a shot. To my surprise, my phone dinged soon after I laid it down.

'helllll yeah! just cum ovr whenevr man'

'k, ill get there in about an hour'

'cool beans'

I lay my phone back down and look at my desktop. The comments were still open on the screen.

'Faggot'.

'Queer'.

'Burn in hell, gay bitch'.

I close the tab with a sharp inhale. Ryan is right, looking at these won't help. I need to get out.

Before I change my mind, I go get a pair of jeans and a clean shirt. Freshening up and splashing some water on my face calms me down a bit. I slide on my boots and grab my phone, then my keys.

I head out of my house, making sure to lock my door behind me. As I walk to the driver's side of my car, I reach over my hood to swat away the neighborhood stray cat off. It gives me a disapproving look and runs away into the hole of my neighbor's fence.

As soon as my car starts, a song softly starts to play though the speakers.

"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you."

That's depressing, too depression for me. I click the station off and connect it to Bluetooth, quickly restarting a podcast I had began last week.

Nothing interesting broke me from my depressing and lonely thoughts on the way over to Jon's. I guess the universe wants me to suffer.

The ride wasn't as long as I expected, guess I zoned out. Turning off my phone and car, I exit and make my way up to Jon's front door.

The doorbell was able to be faintly heard outside, though it was drowned out by the sound of pounding footsteps.

Jon opens the door wide and stands there with a big smile. "CARTOONZ," he laughs loudly.

Jon, surprisingly, was a lot taller than me, even taller than Bryce. He had black hair than stayed in a short buzz, and he has a bit of a stumble on his chin. His skin was very pale, and his eyes were a dark gray. Jon is a lanky fellow, but don't doubt his strength. He's a stubborn bitch.

"Hey, man," I chuckle and give him a quick hug. He closes the door behind me and leads me into his kitchen.

"Coke?" I nod and he tosses a Pepsi to me and grabs a 7up for himself. I silently disagree with his choice, but hey, he's a hater of Pepsi and is kink enough to keep some in his fridge for me.

"So what's good," he asks as he leaps up onto his counter to sit. I lean against on the counter beside him.

"Um..." I know I should talk to him about it, but Jon is like my little brother. I shouldn't put this all on him.

"Ey man," Jon says more seriously, "What's wrong, Luke."

I give him the same story as Ryan. My heart feels heavy again.

Jon's knuckles are white at the edge of the countertop. "Fucking assholes. Wish I could teach em a lesson," he growls.

"Jon, they're probably kids.." I say. Jon nods but is still tense.

"I don't want anything to happen to you, Luke," he says quietly, "Not after high school."

I gulp. I dated Jon's sister, Lucille, in high school, and me and Jon got close. Though her and I aren't together now, him and I still see each other as family. I grew up with depression, and Jon was there along with Lucille. They saw the worst of me.

"I'm not a teen anymore," I mumble, "I should be able to handle this."

"You aren't expect to handle shit! Lil fuckfaces shoulda grow up!" he says sternly. I smile a bit at his frustrated face.

"I know, Jonny," I sigh, "but hey, they're not wrong..."

Jon snorts, "They are. Bein' bi don't make you uh-uh fag!"

I came out to Jon a bit after I left Lucille. It wasn't a rough breakup, even after dating for 8 years. We both knew it just wasn't for us as adults, more like a teen fling. Anyway, coming out to Jon was rough. He was accepting, and even told me he was gay. We cried together in our shared apartment. Afterwards, we drank cheep beer and played Mario cart.

I give a little chuckle and Jon belts out a loud laugh. This is why this dumbfuck was my best friend. He can never fail to make me laugh.

"Hey, so me and Ohm wanna record t'night," I say after we calm down, "You up for some?" I see Jon dart his eyes for a second and bite the inside of his mouth. Fuck, what did this boy do now.

"Uh well I gots plans," he says awkwardly, "I promise Ev-Vanoss...that I'd play GTA." That's nothing unusual, so why is he all flustered?

"What's up, though? You're gettin all red," I ask with concern. Jon takes a chug from his 7up and swallows slowly to waste time.

"Uh...Vanoss wants to meet up."

"Oh shit," I gasp. Jon hasn't met the others- in person at least. Meaning they haven't seen his face. None of them know why he don't show his face expect me.

Bullies fucking suck.

"So...are you gonna?" I ask after a pause. Jon gulps and shrugs.

"I wanna...b-but ya know man," he sighs, "What if it gets online, or he expect something else."

I've heard this from Jon many times whenever he brings up fans wanting a face reveal. But this is different. This is his best friend Evan asking.

"Don't if you don't wanna 100%," I say, "I'll go with you if that'ul help." Jon nods and finishes his drink.

"I'll think about it."

After a few hours of watching movies and playing games, I say bye and head home. As soon as I do, a text lights up my phone.

'you home, toonz?'

I quickly unlock my phone to answer Ryan.

'yeah am now wuzzup?'

'bryce wants to play duo with me on some new game, trynna see what game you got in mind'

'uno?'

'I'm up for it, maybe he can join and put off his game'

'cool with me'

I head to my bedroom after grabbing a slice of pizza from last nights dinner. I open up my desktop and go to tumblr just to waste time as Ryan tries to convince Bryce to play.

- - -

So this is the first chapter (draft) and I would like opinions! There’s another little part after this that switches to Del’s POV with Vanoss n shit but I’m pretty solid on that. Feel free to criticize :3

#bbs #banana bus squad #ohmtoonz #fanfiction #fanfic #draft #critique #h2o vanoss #lgbt #wattpad

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wtfzodiacsigns · 6 years ago

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HOW TO TELL IF UR CRUSH IS RECIPROCATED BASED ON THEIR SUN SIGN

ARIES

If you’re wondering if your Aries crush likes you back then sorry they probably don’t. This lot are very open when it comes to admissions of love/lust/whatever. If they like u, u will simply know. They’ll have told u already 100 times or at least it will be ridiculously obvious. Aries are very straight forward and they hate dilly dallying. If you’re the one they want they will get the ball rolling immediately. Expect lots of texts and a keen interest in meeting up & organising dates whatever. Straight forward people! Will prob show off in front of you whipping out all sorts of weird party tricks & jokes, making sure your eyes are always on them. May get obviously jealous if they see you having a good time with someone else. If you’re still unsure, just ask. They’ll be upfront if it’s a go or no.

TAURUS

If your Taurus crush cooks something amazing and time consuming for you then u can betcha they love ya. These are people who like to indulge in the good things in life and when they like you they will 100% share with you. Taurus is good at setting a romantic mood so if they invite u over to theirs “to just chill” and there’s low lighting and cushions and drapey fabric everywhere and some ambient dance music playing and a bloody cheese platter and red wine, yep this one wants you. Aside from that though it can be hard to tell if they are into you. Taurus likes to take a long time to get to know someone. They’re trying to work out if you are worth the hassle. With time though all becomes very apparent. You will probably have to be the one who brings your feelings into the open first and they may need time to process that, but if they come back to you smiling (possibly tipsy) well, mission accomplished.

GEMINI

Gemini may be flirting with you and you may think omg they like me back, but be careful. Look at their next interaction. Oh they are flirting with that person too? Yep, that’s a Gemini for you. Naturally charming and flirtatious so flirting with you is not a good enough confirming sign. Gemini is a sign of nervous energy & when they are with their crush this nervousness can become quite apparent. They will talk and talk and talk but about nothing really & will probably say all sorts of strange things. Their nerves compel them to speak and they feel that conversation is a good way to snare u temporarily so they may bask in ur glory. If your Gemini suddenly becomes a nervous wreck or has a personality change (maybe becomes silent/shy) in your company they quite likely want you. 65 - 85% of the time though you will know a Gemini likes you because they invite u to everything & message u lots, but this depends on how many crushes they have on the go. U could also ask one of their friends, cos everyone else will have the gossip. Gemmy in love can’t stop talking about u when ur not around.

CANCER

Hmm this isn’t an easy one to call. Cancers are moody and with them u may feel like yesterday u were their favourite person, but today they’re ignoring u but ur sure u did nothing wrong! I’m sure u are in fact still their fave, it’s just Cancers are worry warts & maybe are scared that u don’t like them back so in a way shut u out for a while. When it feels like they like you though u two are probably eating something really great together, snuggling up watching something, feeling very much at ease in each others presence. Maybe they will read u their fave poem. There will be a lot of fun & quick back and forth chatting. A Cancer who likes you wants you to have a fun time with them so will keep the atmosphere light and silly. This is another of the signs where if you don’t know if they like you or not, you’re the only one wondering. They will have told everyone around them & will prob be writing a tweet about u right this second. Cancer is a warm & caring sign, if u get a lil papercut they will fuss over you like u lost a finger. If they introduce u to their parents then yep you have them.

LEO

Leo will let you know they like u. They might not simply text u, “ur the one for me x0x0x” but they will show u how they feel. Every time u hang out with Leo they will be trying to outdo the last d8. These are extravagant types & will do anything to ensure ur having the time of your life with them. If you let Leo be in charge and control these dates they are bound to like you even more, they love to be flattered too so dish out the compliments. Make them the centre of ur world. If they like u back you will receive compliments right back. Leo compliments are very genuine & feel very good to receive. They only compliment people they admire so it’s a good sign if they’re telling u how smart they think u are or how kind u are to those less well off or sexy u r or whatever. Leo will want to see u every day and probably for the majority of the day too. They can become very jealous of u spending time with anyone else & u will see this clearly, it’s unhealthy af but a good sign ur their crush.

VIRGO

Super picky Virgo will come to you when they deem u worthy of their time. Not an easy one to chase. These people want their partner to be perfect. If they are giving u the time of day, giving up their time, then u can feel safe and know they are most likely very keen. Once they decide ur the one they become fidgety & nervous in ur presence. Initially anyway. Virgo is a smarty pants intellectual sign so ur dates probably involve long discussions about idk pretty boring things. Tbh this a test. They’re checking that u can stimulate them. That ur on to it. It’s unlikely that they will open up much to u for quite some time. Let them know they can trust u & if they do end up talking feelings with u that’s a good sign they’re crushing on u too. Virgo will want to look after u and make sure ur healthy, eating good & happy, so will cook some super food salad, take u on a hike then listen to all your woes and hug u tenderly. They will dote on u but without displaying tooooo much affection. If u really want to know how they feel about u just ask them. They’re great communicators.

LIBRA

If Libra likes u they will want to spend a lot of time with u. They are happy to hang in group situations but will make efforts to get u alone. Libra is a very social creature so them wanting to just be with one person a a time & not in a gang is a great sign. Libra will find ways to touch u when they like u, they become very affectionate. Lots of hugs, hand holding, they will lean on ur shoulder. They can be like this with ppl who are just their friends tho so look out for them giving u special treatment. Maybe at the end of the night they gave u a prolonged hug while everyone else just got a quick squeeze. Libra might like u but can take a very long time to make their mind up so patience is key here. It’s possible that they will have even told u that they’re into you but they’re still not making the next move or maybe have distanced themselves from u. Show Libra that u rule & are worth it. They will appreciate the display of confidence. These guys can play hard to get, but stick with. A Libra who wants u will dress very well when they think they might see u.

SCORPIO

When Scorpio likes you the world revolves around u. Ur the one they will message first if they think up something fun to do. In a group they will ignore everyone else and just chat chat chat to u. They will wake up & think of u so send u a text. But they never straight out tell u how they feel. They prefer to work u out first. If they think u feel the same way, then they divulge. If they appear interested in u then they prob are. These Scorpios don’t fake interest. They only bother with those they truly want to be around. Sometimes u will look up and ur Scorpio crush will just be looking at u. They don’t even look away when u catch them. Just eye contact. Tbh they are prob thinking ‘wow i could just eat them up’ Sometimes you think your Scorpio crush fucking hates you, they can be quite rude and hostile to u & say cruel things u know they don’t say to other people. Forgive them tho, they don’t mean it and in fact like u a lot & just aren’t dealing with it very well yet.

SAGITTARIUS

When this lot like someone they try very hard to get their attention. If they see ur online they will quickly send u a message. The way a Sag crushes is pretty playground actually. Like they will show off to you & try and make u laugh by pulling faces & shit. Very playful. Sagittarius is an honest and open sign. They are likely to just tell you they like u. Especially if u seem sort of clueless about it. In the same way though, if they don’t like u they will also let uknow. When around you a Sag will just smile and appear delighted if they’re crushing on u. If they’re up to something awesome & fun they are bound to invite u along. It’s pretty easy to tell with a Sagittarius, they don’t play games & are very straight foward. So if it seems good it most likely is.

CAPRICORN

If ur hanging out with one of their best buds & they are complaining that they haven’t text back but ur phone is vibrating non stop with messages from them, well they most def like u. When u get on a Capricorn’s radar, they will try and find out as much about u as possible. So when u hang out and they know u have 3 brothers and went to Steiner school but u never told them that don’t be shocked. Them admitting they know this info is a way of them telling u they are interested in u & ur life. They can treat u a bit hot and cold, & that stems from a fear of getting hurt. If u can prove urself trustworthy, Capricorn will tell u all of their secrets. And when u start feeling a bit like their private diary u can be 100% sure it’s a match.

AQUARIUS

U two will have to be good friends already. Aquarians view the friendship element of a romantic pairing to be the most important. So you’re friends and u already know they like u as such. How to work out if they potentially want to do pashing with u? Well, suddenly they will be more interested in the mundane aspects of ur life than ever. In the past a story of u forgetting to put the teabag into cup before u poured the kettle would have bored them to death. But now, they’ve never heard anything funnier. When Aqua is hot on u you become the funniest most interesting person in the world. Now you’re off to dinner at theirs expecting the whole gang to be around, but it’s just u and them. And there are candles on the table. Aqua can be romantic in a very cheesy way. How endearing! Best sign is that you have long long conversations that go well into the early hours & they just never get bored of what u have to say.

PISCES

Lol Pisces will prob be writing u a long love poem right now but most likely never give it to u. If u do receive a love poem, or maybe a brief but totally cute note then chances are u make them feel all mad butterflies and likely heart achy love sick. Pisces will incorporate u into their art when they like u. Maybe write songs about u (for u), send u long letters or draw silly pictures for u. Creativity is very important to them & so when they include u in this work it’s a given that they think u are important too. These cuties will give u so much time and affection when they like you. They will let u know that they are always here for u. They will let u in on all their deepest thoughts & feelings and describe in detail all their wildest dreams. With a Pisces u will prob see their affection for u in their eyes. Tho it may be clear they like u this sign wants a confirmation that it’s reciprocated before plunging in any deeper. So go ahead, let them know!

Source: jerkstrology

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theeldestbruner · 6 years ago

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Soul Script pt.2

Plance Fic, College AU, Soulmate AU

A/n

Thanks for coming back for another chapter! I hope you enjoy!

Word count: 2,319

💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙

Katie stared at the solid wood door in front of her while dread settled into her heart. He was going to freak out, wasn’t he? He had no idea she was going to show up today, and she’d done everything in her power to make sure he’d never know she was coming, it was a complete and utter surprise...which only scared her even more. A sigh escaped her lips, and she stared at her shoes. The best bet was just to knock and get it over with, like ripping off a bandage. Right? She stood there a moment more with her suitcase sitting on the floor next to her, and taking one last deep breath she prepared herself to knock with a determined gleam in her eye. It took a few moments, but eventually she heard someone messing with the doorknob and with a click it swung open. Matt didn’t seem to notice it was her at first, so he just opened it casually like he was expecting company. Then she could see the surprise hit him in the face and he smiled, pulling her into a massive hug and spinning her around.

“Oh my gosh! Katie! What are you doing here?” he pulled away and looked at his little sister. “I thought you were still back with mom and dad in Denver?”he was so excited he almost sounded like a little kid who just got a puppy. Matt’s hair had gotten longer since she’d last seen him, like he was going for a ‘messy but smart’ vibe. She smiled back at him.

“I kinda did my best to make this a surprise,” she said.

“Well, it certainly is! How long are you staying for?” Lower in the building, the main door opened and someone started climbing the stairs. Matt’s apartment was only 302, it wouldn’t take long for someone to start listening in on them.

“Let’s talk inside Matt, I’m gonna need a minute to explain everything thoroughly,” she said. He shrugged, and scooted over to make room for her to get through the door. She hurried in and sat down on his old brown leather couch, Matt closed the door right as the footsteps on the stairs could be heard passing by. He jumped over the back of the couch and flopped down on the other side from her.

“So what brings you all the way out to lil’ ol’ Portland Pidge?” he asked.

“I told you to stop calling me that, it doesn’t even make any sense,” she huffed, “mom and dad are going to sell the house since I was moving out soon anyway. But, I’ve been having a hard time finding an apartment, it’s been ridiculous trying to juggle it with classes and tutoring.” She looked over to make sure he was still listening, and Matt nodded and waved for her to keep talking. “So now it’s come to the point where their real estate agent is going to close on a smaller house on the North side of town and sell the old one while they disappear on a cruise for nearly a year. Soooo now I’m here! Surprise!” They sat in silence while Matt looked at the floor in thought, then scratched his jaw and looked back up at her. His smile was so sympathetic, it almost hurt.

“You’ve had a rough couple months, huh Pidgie?” He stood like a rocket taking off into orbit, then grabbed her suitcase. A sunny smile across his face, it was so bright and cheery Katie almost had to block the light with her hand to keep from going blind. “Well, seems like you’re gonna be here for a while then! Let me give you the grand tour!” She got up as well and analyzed his expression, he really was just happy to have her here.

“Thank you Matt, I promise that I’ll get a job as soon as possible and help with the rent. I’m not just going to be some freeloader.”

“That’s sweet of you, but as you can see my job as a lab assistant makes my life in this little place quite comfortable,” Matt looked at the tiny kingdom he’d built for himself from the bottom up and grinned, “I want you to focus on your school work more than anything else. Come on, I wanna show you your room.” She nodded and followed him down a hallway, at first there was a bathroom on the left and then at the end was a fork that led to two different rooms. Matt walked into the room on the left. It was small, but just to the left of the door a full size mattress sat on the floor, and an armoire was tucked into the far corner with an open window next to it. There was a closed closet on the other side of the bed. That was it. She couldn’t really ask for more than that, she had just shown up totally out of nowhere.

“Thanks Matt, I’m gonna get this stuff put away for now. There’s more in the car outside but I just really wanna relax.” He set the suitcase down and nodded, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“That sounds good to me. I’m gonna go take a quick shower, once you’re done the place is free roam. I’ve got like a thousand snacks and some leftover chinese in the fridge, the TV has netflix, hulu, and showtime so you can pretty much watch anything.”

“Wow, you’re pretty stacked on shows aren’t you?” she said with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s the only way to get all the classics, you know. I can’t go a whole month without Leatherheads or Definitely Maybe, but they’re spread out. This way I can make sure I always get at least one of the movies I love.” Matt waved his hand and started to walk out the door. “Now stop making fun of me and make a room for yourself. There’s some sheets and a mink in the bottom drawer of the armoire. Sorry if they smell funny at all, I picked the mattress up with them for like 100 dollars from someone a few floors above me when his girlfriend left.”

“Okay, thanks again Matt,” she said with a smile.

“No problem Pidge,” he said, walking out of the room.

“Stop calling me that!” Katie could hear him laugh in the hallway and then the bathroom door closed. She took a deep breath and decided to take a look out of the window, kind of take stock of her environment. It was missing a screen, but that was because it led out onto a fire escape with steps leading up and down the building. “Well, it must be a decently nice area if nobody broke in with the window like this.” With a shrug she dipped her head back in the room and began unpacking her bag. Hanging shirts, folding pants and pjs, making the bed using hideous mink with a picture of a pug on it from the close, laying a small alarm clock next to the bed, and finally pulling out a small green stuffed lion she’d gotten as a present from her dad as a kid, setting it down on the bed as though it were a priceless heirloom. Her eyes wandered over the room and tried to evaluate what else she might be able to do with it later, the bed being on the floor didn’t bother her so it would stay, but she would need to get a desk to work at. Katie’s left hand came up and started rubbing a spot right above her right collarbone. It was her soulmark.

The day she turned fifteen had been extremely confusing, mainly because she’d been almost certain that her love for science and technology would keep her from ever leading a healthy relationship. Katie spent so much time on herself, she’d never considered that one day she’d have to spend some of that time on another person. Why should she receive a soulmark? It made sense for Matt, he was a big sap at heart. But when the feeling of a cool ocean breeze swept past her neck, and she’d looked down to see the script glowing to life on her skin in a deep blue she’d been a little annoyed. Permanently engraved on her skin, where everyone could see, was “Oops...My Bad.”

Whoever her soulmate was supposed to be was sure to either be a clueless idiot or a clutz. For a long time she’d made it up in her mind that she would definitely tell them off for wasting such a profound moment on words like that. However, over time she’d come to find it almost endearing, in an annoying, irritating, and maddening way. Sure, they might be an idiot, but dammit if they weren’t going to be her idiot. Whenever her soulmark would light up and she noticed Katie would immediately place her hand over it. Sometimes it glowed for hours, and others it was just a quick flash. But all of them were reassuring and let her know that someone, somewhere, had her back. She’d needed that desperately when she’d said goodbye to her parents yesterday morning as they left for the cruise. But now she was here, living with her brother once again.

There wasn’t a community college or university she’d ever been particularly drawn to attending, so instead she’d opted for online classes and was working towards a doctorate in Botany through them. It made it easier to move because this way she hadn’t had to worry about transferring to another college when she moved. Satisfied that she’d done all she could with the room for now Katie walked back towards the kitchen and living room, thinking that Matt’s leftover chinese sounded pretty good after the long drive. It was lemon chicken, a family favorite, and she practically sprinted to put it in the microwave once she realized. She could hear someone with very heavy feet in the apartment above this one walk over to a spot right above her.

“No place is perfect I guess, I should just be grateful that the ceiling looks sturdy enough to hold up with people walking all over it.” While Katie was standing there and staring off into space, she absent-mindedly reached up and started rubbing her soulmark again. It felt warm, which she supposed made sense considering that the neck was on of the warmest parts of the body, but for a moment she entertained the thought that there might be another reason behind it. With a ding she pulled the styrofoam box out of the microwave and walked over to the couch, plopping down and reaching for the remote. She was in the mood for a good, old-fashioned rom-com. It had been ages since the last time Katie had last watched one, and the silly hopefulness matched her current mood perfectly. Netflix had exactly what she was looking for, What If was one of her movies. But she wasn’t even five minutes into it when she could hear someone running above her like a maniac and yelling, then there was a quiet thud and she became increasingly curious.

“D-did somebody just get murdered? Did I just hear someone get killed?” Katie wasn’t even scared, she was more curious than anything else really. She waited, the movie paused and her ears perked up. Depending on how you viewed the situation, she was either very lucky or very unlucky that she didn’t have to wait long to hear something else. Except this time it was down the hallway, right in front of the bathroom. There was the sound of something cracking and then several loud thuds followed by a larger one, she reached for the first thing she could protect herself with and creeped down the hall. The bathroom door was blocked from opening by chunks of concrete, dust was flying everywhere, and sitting sprawled out on top of all the rubble was a boy. On the other side of the bathroom door, she could hear Matt pounding on it and trying to break it down, though she couldn’t understand what he was yelling

She looked down at the boy that fell through the ceiling, he had cinnamon brown hair, chocolate skin, and navy blue eyes that popped out in contrast. His arms and legs were long and lanky, but look like they had a decent amount of muscle. He wore a gray baseball shirt with blue sleeves, jeans, and a pair of black converse. His hand reached up and began rubbing the back of his head, he’d probably hit it pretty hard during the fall?

“Lance! Are you okay? Hang on buddy, I’ll be right down, just stay right there and don’t move!” Katie looked up and through the new hole in the ceiling she could see a larger person with an orange headband duck away before she heard a door open and close. What Katie hadn’t realized during all of this was that her soulmark was practically radiating like the sun, as did the boy’s in front of her. Blue and green light shined up and mixed into teal. She finally noticed the glowing words on his neck, and her heart leaped into her throat, oh no way. No way this was how they meet, right? Just then he lifted his head and looked at her, then at the mess of dust and concrete around him with his eyes growing wider by the second, and then back at her.

“Oops...My bad,” he said. Katie just got angry at that point. She knew he was going to waste the first words on something stupid, but come on! That just blew every other stupid thing she’d ever heard out of the water.

“What the fuck is WRONG with you?!” she yelled.

💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙💚💙

#plance #pidgance #flirtyrobot #pance #lance mcclain #pidge gunderson

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