#anyway i need to stop and go to bed lol
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Buenos Aires, as fast as we can.
#interview with the vampire#iwtvedit#loustat#otp: all my love belongs to you#my edit#my gifs#claudia brings up the ball louis knows what she wants to do there he instantly tries to shut the idea down#because he really doesn't want it to happen!!!#and i feel so so so normal about it#and don't even think about how lestat already knows what's happening here#anyway i need to stop and go to bed lol
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Subspace Debonair Disguise (bottom left character ofc)!! Silly oc of mine ^_^
A crossroads-originating, self-pronounced 'detective' who uses his gear to impersonate others to get into places he otherwise wouldn't be able to properly investigate on his own!
#barely associated with Subspace actually lol. I just thought they'd look cool together. also its like “ooo he's disguising as Subspace oooh”#I rendered this for no reason i was just feeling silly. I couldnt stop thinking of her for some reason??#heeelp plaguing my brain aaahhh#original concept for Debonair was instead him posing as some sorts of a false deity. Maybe i'll make a duplicate gear that's like that....#like; another debonair. or maybe a different gear altogteher...... I just got an idea but I need to go to bed#anyways Yeah im SLEEPING!!!!! i just wanted to post this bcs i forgot earlier lol#goodnight chat#art#my art#phighting#phighting!#subspace phighting#phighting oc#[OC: Debonair]#?i think thats how i styled my oc tags.#WHATEVER#GOODBNIGHT AGAIN#BYE .
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fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#renga#sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head#hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got#blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well#these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol#hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!!#its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed#u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell#hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best#if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand#I'll be normal now I prommy (lying)#well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again#eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife#hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart#have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative
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meme from last year (twt muts if you find me shhhh I wasn’t here)
#angry birds#angry birds fanart#corporal pig#chef pig#pearlspades#pearlspades is my personal name for them#bc pearls are rich jewels and fits chefs color scheme + his snobbish attitude to lower class lmao#and spades bc obviously corp wears that little card#anyway I need a stop yapping and go to bed#it’s like 3am lol#myart#my stuff
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Maybe I'm projecting and being hopeful but I mentioned to M that I don't even get to shit by myself in peace lmao and I feel like something clicked for him. Bc I was like hey, at least you get private bathroom breaks at work (noncombative). And since then he's been a lot more acquiescent when I ask if I can nap and stuff
#he's never rly said no he just used to be like 'well whaf if i want to nap' like in the early parenting days#which evolved into 'yeah i guess'-type responses#lately he's more like 'yeah!' like his tone is less. whatever it was before#same with any requests i make in general like if he'll put e down for bed and stuff#idk my weird episode epiphany thing i went through last week has me feeling much less patient and self-questioning#it's just a fact that constantly asking myself if i'm being considerate enough of others has done nothing for me#like it hasn't even improved my relationships.. i don't really have any lol#like i'm done biting my tongue bc idk if i've properly considered their perspective.. i end up blowing up at minor things as a result anyway#like it makes me a worse partner fr#i also really feel like i've been putting daggers thru my own spirit by doing this for so long#like i need to stop troubleshooting my existence like 'what if i conform this way' 'what if i conform that way'#here's what if: you will be profoundly unhappy and no one who you love will truly know you#this is such a tangent off what i started talking about but basically i'm done reflexively wondering#every time i feel wronged disrespected etc. if actually i'm the one in the wrong. it really is reflexive#the way m's mom responded to me setting a boundary was a wake up call like apparently she just read into what i was saying too much#so hypothetically it wasn't the boundary she was angry about but how she thought i set it#but like i don't have any time for you if my extremely sincere and straightforward communication isn't good enough for you#like i'm not going to be understanding of your inability to take me at face value we didn't both fuck up. You did#and that's how i'm going to act. like You fucked up. yk
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Had a doctor tell me quite sincerely this morning that my "life seems miserable" because of my health problems and it immediately made me think of the damn bitch you live like this meme
#like i cant stop thinking about it#he wasnt even the doctor i was there to see#the nurse called him in because my heart rate was high and it scared her#but like thats just a normal flare day for me#so anyway this guy i dont even know comes barging into the room to listen to my heart and ask about my symptoms etc#and then he says that its not sustainable to live like this and how i must be miserable#and im just like lol okay like tell me something i dont know#oh and when i told him i usually get through flares by staying in bed for a day or two#his response was to say how that would make going on vacation hard because i might end up having to be bedridden for part of it#and like#first of all#im too broke for vacations lol#second of all#i can barely leave the house bc of my health so what vacations would i even be attempting#idk like he did seem genuinely concerned#but i was honestly not in the mood to hear all that#like i was (and still am) feeling extremely unwell#i just wanted to go home#did not need or want the pity of some random doctor
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💌 just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who’s left such lovely feedback on my latest chapter of four walls. it’s been a weird and emotionally draining week for me, and getting to come back after a long day and read all your kind words has been such a solace. it’s truly hard to put into words how much it means when people connect with something you’ve created (and i’m far too exhausted to even attempt it tonight), but trust me when i say nothing grounds me and keeps me writing through all the difficult stuff more than knowing that what i’m creating means something to people other than just me. thank you so much for your generosity in sharing that with me via your lovely comments and feedback 💌
#friendly reminder to leave comments on the fics you enjoy#it means the world to all of us writing them 💜#also sorry if this is totally incoherent#i’m so exhausted and overwhelmed tonight i feel like i could fall into bed and sleep for the next 48 hours#but i just wanted to share this because it’s been something i’ve been so thankful for all week 💗#i can’t wait to get stuck into finishing the next chapter for posting this weekend#i know there’s been a lot of slow build but… well#what it’s building to is very close now#and i’m so excited to share it with you!!#anyway i’ll stop rambling now#i’m going to drink tea and watch hannibal and try and have an early night#thank you and sorry to anyone who’s read through all of this nonsense 😅#i need to stop posting on tumblr when i should probably just go to sleep lol#four walls#lulu posts
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#not that this matters but i need to get it out somewhere lol#i hate when it's getting bad again and i can feel it#but a strange part of me craves it#like yeah i stopped eating#and i can acknowledge that's a problem#but the other part of my brain is like well you needed to lose weight anyway#and i can't shower#that would require moving#getting out of bed#all i want to do is sleep#but i avoid sleep bc i know i won't be able to get back up#but then there's this part of me like yeah#this is a good thing somehow#sometimes I'm fine#then i realize i have free will and could just walk away well pay midnight and see what happens#but i don't#i stop at the park and go home at 11 before the street lights go off#bc i have too much to do to walk into traffic#tonight at least
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like. everything is fine and everything is good, truly and also just the smallest part of my soul is just [ strangled, small, disconsolate sob ]
#like. is there love and ease and joy and confidence and peace in my future? is there a time where things become clear#and stop hurting#and that low-grade stupid fuzzy background anxiety about everything#just recedes?#is there?#I am being so dramatic but it’s because I need to eat and go to bed and also pray 😭#and it has been a long day#and I am still technically in parent teacher conferences#Edit: it is later and I am feeling better and the above melodramatic questions are just a reflection of my exhausted state#but also of the human condition lol#anyway thank you for listening
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ooooh i woke up in a bad mood and it's so hard not to be a bitch about it
#i don't want to ruin the mood for my family so i'm just laying in my bed and think about everything that pisses me off#and i'm getting more and more mad about it#come to think of it it's kinda funny but also really frustrating#i probably just need to cry because i've been extremely tired and stressed for the past week#but i don't want to make myself sad on purpose so now i'm really angry over literally nothing lol#for example today i saw my colleague and turns out she knows my father#and she was like 'oh your dad really misses you!! he mentions you all the time!!' and i was like '....really?.....'#because i thought he didn't care at all (and the feeling is kinda mutual)#because call me crazy if you want but if i miss someone i just go talk to them.... problem solved........#we barely talk but apparently he's yapping abt me all the time to everyone so everyone thinks that he's oh such a loving and caring dad#which makes me look like a bitch of a daughter#which is like#on one hand i couldn't care less#but on the other#why would you talk about missing me to other people and bever bother to try and talk to me yourself??#though i probably dodged a bullet#talking to him is extremely hard because he's incredibly stuffy? boring? english doesn't have enough words for that#and i don't wanna listen to him talking about himself for 2 hours straight without having a chance to interrupt him 🤩🤩🤩#ooof#idk how to stop being mad i probably need to distract myself somehow#anyway there is probably a ton of mistakes here but i'm too lazy to fix them#idk i wish i could scream so loud that every bad thought in my head would disappear forever#i'm so tiredddddd
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Hey, just felt called to let you know that your MQF from SVSSS doodles give me such life and inspired how I write MQF in my fics. I love how you depict him and your art style is so refreshing and cute!
Just thought you should know. Hope you have a good day!
HELLO HI THANK YOU SO MUCH??? 😭😭😭💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 GLAD TO BE OF SERVICE HAVE A FANTASTIC DAY OR NIGHT
#THANK YOU ANON I WILL GO EXPLODE NOW#jbfkdjh#sorry for caps this actually means so much to me you have no idea#thank you for stopping by to tell me i really appreciate it 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓😭#my specialest little guy...........im so glad that ppl like him hes so dear to me#im literally in the middle of making myself a bag pin with mqf cuz i had to go 'fine i'll just do it myself' hahjkhfd#to be entirely honest i have made more small bits with him in the meantime and i have lots of bigger projects in mind with him but#i kinda hit an art funk this past month and felt p bad about my art in general#so not much posting have been posted and not much more even made#but this ask watered my crops and cleared my skin hdfjkdhfgkdf thank you#anyway cant post the older doodles cuz theyre tied to something thats still a wip and kinda embarrassing cuz im trying something new lol#but maybe ill post some lazy crumbs that i have and try to get back into arting#sorry for rambling this just made me really happy i need to explode something with my mind#i literally went to bed cuz its way past 1am here but then i noticed the notif and threw myself out of the bed lol#but now im going back to shreep#but anon im sending you good vibes and wish you good times with your fics :))) thankyou again for the kind words#asks
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#last month i wrote some tags about how i needed to leave my nails alone because i was getting extensions#in the hopes that i would finally stop biting my nails after doing it almost my whole life#well it FUCKING WORKED#i got gel x tips and i loved them sooooo much#but they kept coming off because i have to do so much with my hands especially in water lol#and i have tiny fingers too so the sizes she had weren't quite right#she redid the ones that came off for free for the whole three weeks i wore them!#so i bought her some new tips in tiny person sizes as a thank you lol#for her to use on other clients tho because she recommended this gel overlay system she likes#I've been wearing it for like a week and a half and they are still FLAWLESS#so I'm never going back to anything else lol i'm going to keep getting these pretty much forevwr#but anyway the important part is. that i no longer put my fingers in my mouth to destroy my nails and cuticles#i have real grownup hands now and it's AMAZING#my nail plate is reattaching to my nail bed!!!! like the bed is getting longer#they'll eventually reach the actual tips of my fingers the way theyre supposed to 😍#and the gel keeps the nails hard and almost fucking unbreakable#i had to replace my compulsion to bite/chew with the compulsion to apply cuticle oil lol but it's SO WORTH IT#i look at pictures of how my hands used to look just two months ago and i cant fucking believe i lived that way for DECADES#and i guess this is especially significant for me because my hands have always been a source of shame#not just because my nails were fucking gross and fucked up. but because i have TINY HANDS#like really small hands. not proportionate to my body. AT ALL#especially when i put my hands near my head because i have a slightly larger than average head lmaooo#and my fingers are very thin and just. i have small hands. very weak.#i cant even snap my fingers and make a sound#(do NOT instruct me. i know how to do it. i have been trying my whole life. its not physically possible for my fingers to make that sound)#so having nice nails really fucking helps me 🥹#like i can be proud of my hands even if theyre small#and i dont feel the need to hide them anymore
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i took a lot more photos than these at the con yesterday but these are the ones i decided were most worth sharing on here in this compilation post so here they are! :D fun fact about the lip gloss idk why i kept putting it on because aside from eating/drinking and the occasional photo i wore my mask basically the whole time i was there and now it has a disgusting smudge on it from me doing that so. that was certainly a Choice i made XD
#party down#casey klein#cosplay#marshy self#all these photos by myself make it seem like i was there all alone ghlkdsjf#dw i wasn't i was with my brother and his boyfriend#i have pictures with them too but i didn't really wanna post them here without asking. and i didn't feel like asking so hdglkdfdj#this post would've gotten long if i included all of those anyway#sorry to the friends whom i'm going to accost with the full set cuz there is a LOT of pics XD#as expected no one seem to recognize who i was but that's fine i did this for myself <3 i am very happy with this costume#hopefully y'all enjoy as well lol#alright i need to stop rambling and go to bed soon GHDKJFKLDS
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two separate people in the apartment i'm moving into have asked me if i want to swap rooms with them lol
#sasha speaks#i was originally going to move into the larger (and more expensive) master but honestly i don't NEED all that space#(plus i don't need a queen bed which is what the guys who are moving out are leaving behind)#there's two other ppl living there with smaller rooms that want to take the larger room from me#tbh i'll probably go for it. less rent for me and i don't need a huge room#esp bc the arrangement is that the people with the smaller bedrooms get more of the basement storage space#which is probably where i'll set up my oboe studio anyway#i think this friday i'll stop by and take another look at all three rooms and decide which i want#also my friend/future roommate says she knows someone selling a twin bed for $50. score lol
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edna's love language is quality time. she's spent 1000+ years by herself on r.ayfalke waiting for e.izen to come home—she will never, ever admit to it, but she's definitely felt lonely before through those 1000+ years, so quality time would definitely help bring her closer to someone. she will still, of course, tease whoever she is with: because of how she's like, the more she teases you, the more fond of you she is. she isn't the type who talks about how she actually feels, especially if it's sentimental or personal, so it's very subtle in how much she enjoys someone's company. she opens up slowly, but once you gain her trust, she trusts you.
it reassures her to know that she still has people around her. it'll make her feel more comfortable knowing that there is still at least another person she can be around since she literally lost the only person she could truly rely on—so, it makes sense that she doesn't want to lose more people. she is very "loud" about how she teases people, but very "quiet" in how she shows what's actually on her mind. to know what she is feeling, it's all in her actions.
#''love language'' seems a bit misleading but i rlly think it kinda sums it up tbh#i feel like i will never be able to ship here so this isn't exactly a ''shippy'' hc lol#tho i think it can apply to any of her relationships tbh#i think this could also affect how much she trusts someone too#and over time the zesty crew BECOME trusted friends to her ( tho it's canon that she and l.ailah are already friends when zesty begins )#i just want to know what's on her mind ! she is like a cat i must study in order for her to like me#since there is much more to her character than just being the source of comedy which a lot of ppl tend to gloss over#altho i will acknowledge there are times she's just being a bully to be a bully 💀#still love her very much tho -- i just love her on an abnormal amount 💛💛🥺#i was talking to rinni earlier about edna and successfully converting her to support best earth siblings#and then my brain just started to work more gears i guess LOL ...#anyway i wrote this up while thinking about k.ratos and edna THANKS RINNI 😩 didn't know how much i needed them until today 😩#... i think too much about edna so i will stop talking here and go to bed ...... 🙈🙈🙈#°˖✧❀ ❛ memories. ┊ headcanons. ❀✧˖°#°˖✧❀ ❛ out of offerings. ┊ ooc. ❀✧˖°
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Hi there was a playlist attached to one of your fics on ffn.net, I tried to find it today but it looks like your fics there are deleted :( do you still happen to have the playlist somewhere? I understand if you have moved on from that era of your digital footprint.
oooooh interesting! it does initially look like that everything is gone, but somehow i managed to. work around it??? and get back in there??? so i have access to everything and i am gonna. likely back everything up for posterity's sake. not sure where????? but i likely should re-upload all my really old writing somewhere. maybe orphan it on AO3 ?????? ?? idk i gotta think about it. so thanks for the head's up actually. i have def moved on from some of it in the sense that i wrote those stories as an extremely unstable mentally ill teenager with a laundry list of diagnosed mental/developmental disorders that i should have been institutionalized for that was deeply traumatized by a lot of things and trying to sort it all out. it was def a project of the times and my mental state/being a Youth. so i am not completely removed from it (why i left everything up -- writing helped me figure stuff out, but also helped a LOT of other people struggling with those same things, and that's what matters most to me, that i helped somebody who is struggling as deeply as i was back then, even if i've changed my interpretations of things since and would drastically re-write entire aspects of it if i re-wrote it today). and the way i view my writing is once it is in the public space it is no longer fully mine and my intent behind it is on the same level as another person's interpretation of my intent. i don't really remember what i write after i write it ngl, so it ceases to feel like it is fully mine to me once it's been a few months. ANYWAY rambling sorry my Assumption is that you are talking about Silence??? In which case, here is the soundtrack, Song - Band - any special time I used the song specifically Springleik - Gåte - Negative: Switch (Chapter 1) Curtigh - Punch Brothers - Positive: Siblings (Chapter 13) Packt Like Sardines in a Crush'd Tin Box - Radiohead - Negative Vault (Chapter 18) The Blind Leaving the Blind Mvt 2 - Punch Brothers - Denmark-centric chapters Fljótavik - Sigur Rós - Positive chapters Built For This - Ben Sollee - Positive: Every (Chapter 23), Iceland-centric And the Forest Began to Sing - Röyksopp - nature-centric chapters Singing with the Whales - Yukimi Yamamoto - Negative: Ships (Chapter 26) 3055 - Ólafur Arnalds - negative chapters Fel del Av Gården - Movits! - Positive: Siblings (Chapter 13), Positive: Hidden (Chapter 7) Tornado - Jónsi - negative chapters Everything Can Explode - The Ghost - positive chaoters Brand New Sidewalk - Nickel Creek - Neutrality: Equilibrium Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men - general theme You Are - Punch Brothers - the song Denmark sings in Positive: Skype (Chapter 25) i also remade it for you here: Youtube Playlist (says there is one thing missing for some reason?) Spotify Playlist (unfortunately missing a few songs too) also spoilers under cut for a new project i am going to be working on in the near future below b/c it is relevant to Silence, if Silence was important to you.
the next project i am going to write is a direct sequel to Sendlingur og Sandloá (era 2 pyrr writing, versus silence is era 1, we're currently beginning era 3), if you have ever read it. technically speaking, the few main things I still really like about Silence (unusual non-linear narrative structure, nor being mute, some of the philosophic arguments it makes, etc) and some of the events of Silence are "canon" prequel events to what happens in SOS. Silence isn't a prequel to SOS, but Silence is essentially the prototype version of SOS in that without Silence, SOS would have never existed and SOS was directly built upon Silence's corpse. i mean death of the author and all of that, but there isn't any denying that if you analyze the two works i think that is a very easy conclusion to come to. the new project i'm currently formulating is essentially taking SOS and those aspects of Silence i think are still valuable now that i am nearly twice as old as when i wrote it, and putting them both into a blender and seeing what happens when i reconstruct them. you will not have to read Silence or even SOS to read it, but if you have read either or both you'll go AH YOU MOTHERFUCKER at me, probably, a lot, when reading it. :/
ANYWAY SORRY FOR RAMBLING i am a ramblin sort of man lol.
#pyrrhocorax ask#i have a lot of mixed feelings on silence b/c some aspects are harmful to me now but others are very Real. but i also don't want to#pretend it wasn't a part of my past b/c it is only by understanding where you come from that you can understand the present and the future#it's ok to be young and filled with unbridled pain and use that to make some weird art to cope. shouldn't pretend it's not part of all of u#we've got to be WAY gentler and loving and honest about the human condition i think for the sake of all of us. anyway gonna stop rambling n#w. the w alone is mking me laugh. i need to go back to bed (i won't) lol.
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