#anyway i just wanted to gush about them on a blog where they cant see all this cheesy stuff lol

[altruistic-meme]

I’ve been stalking your page ever since finishing the latest chapter of (why is there) joy in this poison and FINALLY SOMEONE WHO IS OBSESSED WITH YR AND AFTG.

It’s funny seeing crossovers between fandoms and I like to keep my blog quiet between my many indulgences and hyperfixations but omg!!! I’ve loved both of these series for so long and to see some one as joyed about them as me is so neat!

in all honesty I came here to gush about your writing, how I really enjoy what you made and continue to make for the aftg universe! the way you write Andrew specifically is so unique and defiently made me re-read his lines and certain chapters because they’re just that GOOD! And to see a relationship between Kevin and Neil that’s so near and dear- is so refreshing- I love how much love they have for each other! And DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE ANDREIL MOMENTS!! Ugh the trust those two already have and continue to show each other in such a short amount of time (truly a feat for sir “walls” Andrew Minyard) has me on the edge of my seat for every and all chapters! And who isn’t a slut for sassy Neil really. That kid could trash talk anyone into the ground and I’d be applauding him the entire time!

Thank you truly for the lovely fic weather you choose to continue it or not, I have been blessed either way and definitely will check out your other fics! I’ve got my eye on I’ve Got You, Brother its seem like such a fantastic concept and you’ve got to love some older brother bonding!

Anyway- sorry for my rambling, just thought I’d come and sing your praises and if you see me lurking in your mentions here and comments on Ao3 from now on, don’t mind me!

hi omg ;;; i hope you know this got neither lost nor ignored, ive just been thinking about it nonstop for the last 2 weeks and have wanted to keep it close and easy to reread so i could cry over it

bc um basically AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ya know?

this is so so so incredibly sweet of you!!!!!! like i said ive reread this so many times in the last 2 weeks bc it's just. i cant form words even now, rereading it to reply.

YES aftg and yr are both SO good and im always glad to find more people who like them both!! (and there are a few of us out there! i am certainly not innocent of convincing more than one of my yr friends to read aftg and i will never apologize 😌) but they are both such big big parts of me now <3

thank you so so much for reading (wit)jitp!!! ;;;;; that fic means so so much to me and i swear to you i have no plans of abandoning it, ive just been kind of hitting walls in writing (though slowly ive been finding cracks, and hopefully i can convince the walls to crumble) but i have too many plans to give up now >:] there's still so much in store. you barely even know Nathaniel's plans 😩

SOBBING AGAIN OVER THE PARAGRAPH HERE BTW i am truly awestruck bc i was so so nervous about writing Andrew bc he's such a hard character for me to understand, and to hear your thoughts on him was so amazing for my self-esteem!! (it is also the easiest way to make me scream and cry, to compliment my characterization, since im almost always worried about it but i digress skdhg)

Kevin and Nathaniel's relationship is also something that i could scream for hours about but let me say it has been AMAZING seeing how many people love their love for each other and i will forever be ecstatic to hear it ;;;; and Andrew and Nathaniel!!! two very traumatized boys finding trust in each other bc they both have the same values and can find common ground (and comfort!) with each other where no one else will. ;;;;

also we stan a sassy Neil, you are SO RIGHT literally who wouldn't be a slut for sassy Neil. he deserves more sass, imho.

also omg thank you for giving my other fics a look, too ;;; I've Got You, Brother is definitely a good choice for some brotherly bonding, that's the main focus of the story after all :] (though im debating some ideas which won't feature Wille at all, we'll see how it goes) i definitely need to work on that one as well >>

you never need to apologize for rambling btw!! i love rambles :D (as you can probably tell bc i also rambled... a lot, whoops) but always feel free to send me asks or messages with any and all of your thoughts <3

thank you so so so so so much for this, and for reading my stories, and for being an amazing person!!

[honeyfrecklesandloveletters]

.

[theunconcernedembalmer]

ok i got the aesvic out of my system now time to pick apart the letter n why i wont really be following aesops diary exactly here. literally no one asked but i wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere cos i have. a lot

just gonna put a quick rundown of aesops diary entry as a refresher (mostly for myself so i dont miss anything): he dreamt that he was helping jerry with what was probably a murder n was affirmed n he thinks its a sign congratulating him on carrying out his duty. over the years, he carries out his duties as an undertaker n comes to the manor looking for a “fresh start” aka what sounds like his first victim. according to aesop, said victim should be quiet, n potential victim number 1 is victor. something about badly needing him to become his “silent friend” n he mentions he’ll get to wick n the 2 other survivors in due time, but for now he’s very eager to start his “mission”.

im generally okay with the letter (i have seen so many fights over this aha) cos there is no surprise he wants to kill ppl (ppl who r fighting over this point. did u even read his deductions?? guy happily killed his mentor??). but i didnt quite like the fact that he still looks up to jerry (although. i guess thats valid i just. dont like it). i was also initially kind of confused about the real reason why he would want to kill ppl since as u progress through the letter it sounds less like he kills for duty (cos of the whole dream thing at the start) but more “because i want to :)”, which is an okayish edgy kinda take imo. like not that u cant characterize aesop as Kill Kill Murder Die, but i kinda find that. pretty boring in the long term.

im just gonna put what my original take on aesop was, like all of it. first off, he hates jerry. u cannot tell me a psychotic serial killer like that can raise a child without emotional trauma. like any child, this isnt even counting the extra damage done because hes autistic. (n i also hc that aesop has read his moms letter to him at some point, n he should have come to the conclusion that it was somewhat also jerrys fault, whether through logic or denial that his mom would want to leave him, so that just adds to it.) but as much as he hates him, his teachings are the only ones hes been exposed to, n its been so ingrained in him since young so even if he hates jerry he would still subscribe to whatever twisted ideology jerry was feeding him, which ill get to in a sec.

going through his accessories, he has that origami that he folds for each of his clients, n it shows that underneath it all, aesop is still kind. this isnt expected of him n its definitely not part of his job scope as an embalmer. he (still?) has the heart to wish the best for those that have departed n takes the time n effort to fold one for each n every client he sends off, which is probably a lot. so going off on that, my hc is that jerry, being the manipulative asshole that he is (who probably definitely manipulated his mom into indirect suicide) probably used his kindness against him to make him believe that by murdering ppl he is helping them, framing all of his serial kills as a sort of mercy kill (like his mom). so the thing that aesop takes away from all this is the very twisted logic that by killing ppl he is helping them, therefore being a good embalmer and a good person in general. n everyone wants to be a sort of good person, or at least for aesop that is part of his job description to be a good embalmer. n we all know aesop is very serious about his job.

i also hc that he has killed several ppl between killing jerry n coming to the manor, cos i follow the story that he took the invitation from that poor lady n thats how he ended up at the manor. surely the lady didnt come to him right after jerry died?? but anyway, the way i see it is that he thought he liked to kill. like he finally truly understood why jerry kills so much (which is interesting now that i think about it. guy really just went along with all those murders without truly believing huh), because it felt good to kill. at least thats what he thought, the revelation that killing felt good n is good, but i say its because he hated jerry, n offing someone u kinda hate should probably feel pretty gucci. n its also so much easier to pick clients off the streets than in the manor, so i would think that he has killed ppl like his mentor did, but each time he did the great feeling that came with ending ppls life just. wasnt as good as the first time round. it just became a sort of normal satisfaction of a successful embalming.

this can go two ways: 1. he keeps on killing to try to find that great feeling again, which is cool i guess (n probably what canon would want, except canon states that he hasnt killed since jerry), but id like to go with 2. he just stops because jerry isnt around to enforce it whenever he isnt feeling up to psychoing someone to their death (which is probably how jerry got his victims, n damn if that doesnt take a lot of mind games that i dont think aesop has the mental capacity for since half of it is fighting with his social anxiety n other issues. dealing with alive strangers?? no thanks?? i doubt he would have learnt properly how to lure in clients as efficiently as jerry because of this, mostly cos he was only needed for the murder afterparty aka embalming n funerals). n as much as he stays professional, there is no. professional way of gaslighting someone to their death.

(n also since ppl have pointed out that his twitter replies n other kinda informal stuff have shown that aesop does have reverent respect for life, which also adds to him not being so blindly bloodthirsty as implied in the letter. i dont really see the twitter replies as very canon, but it does make sense that he would come to revere life with his unique take and obsession over death, for one cannot exist without the other)

so this leads me to the motive that aesop brings to the manor, at least how i see it. he isnt exactly coming to the manor to kill per se (like from the very early story, he came to the manor to return the letter to a relative of the deceased lady, something about respecting her last wishes. something like that, its really been a while since i saw that exerpt), so like killing ppl isnt his main purpose of visit. its more of hes always on the lookout for weaker (or at least those that take less mind games to kill) people to mercy kill, n it just so happens that he knows the manor n his mentor almost died from there, so theres a pretty good chance he can find some ppl that fall into this category n so it just so happens that he also has a job to do there. its still counted as a Job for him since no ones gonna tell him that embalmers dont actually. murder. 

so in my version, aesop only tries to sway ppl that he knows he can convince, n these ppl would typically be those very sickly ones like his mom (andrew im looking at u) or those with an actual death wish/ very weak will to live. but here aesop is choosing his “first victim”, and the criteria for that is... quiet? never mind “not evading him” and “not cranky” being on the list too, but that isnt quite what i was expecting from someone so dedicated to their duty of murder. sure he wants an easy first kill, but like. i dont think its consistent if his motive was really to continue jerrys bastard legacy. especially when the next paragraph is essentially him gushing over victor, that... sort of implies something else. or at least in the way i see it, since i believe that canon wants us to think that aesop just really loves to kill.

aesop likes victor. very much so. so much till he wants to kill him. which i guess makes sense cos he likes death, n now he likes victor. so he just. puts the two things he likes together. whats better than victor? dead victor. anyway the rest of the letter is more like “whatever, i technically should kill the others too but my priority is victor” so like. he confuses his (dare i say) yandere tendencies with his duty since the end goal for both is a body in a coffin.

having said that. i know i have aesvic brainrot but i also know this is one sided as hell (at least from the letter alone, not counting the letter shaped cookies in his birthday art that apparently belonged to victors birthday cake aha) n lowkey alarming since. the goal is to kill victor. i kinda want to interpret it as him genuinely wanting to be friends with victor (really wanting him to be a “silent friend”, maybe cos he doesnt actually know how to be friends with living ppl n is better with dead ones? therefore victor should be dead to be friends?) but not knowing how to n throwing in his obsession with death ends up with. this minor disaster waiting to happen. but i uh. dont know if this is valid. its valid to me at least, with my original interpretation of aesop. n again cos of his ingrained professionalism, he also kinda sees this as part of his job to send ppl off, so its another plus. not for victor, tho.

idk if ill add this yandere side in my aesop. i mean my boi has technically tried to kill victor multiple times in the past HAHAHAHA. maybe like sometimes he can be a bit obsessive. as a treat. but generally nah cos thats definitely gonna end up in a murder somewhere somehow n i cant. just kill victors here on the ask blog scene lashjflkjhdlfkjhas

so yeah that kinda takes care of the last part of the letter, as for the first part. as much as aesop hates jerry, i would also think hes pretty starved for affirmation (like i said jerry isnt going to be a good parent figure ever) n i guess it makes sense if the only times jerry has ever complimented him was aiding him in his kills n hiding the evidence, which might (?) add to his desire to kill (but that probably dies with jerry aha). so the way i see it as aesop is getting affirmation n takes it as a good sign instead of. remotely liking jerry. idk if im stretching it a little but i really dont like the take where hes okay with jerry. anyway we are ignoring that he hasnt killed before entering the manor cos that doesnt quite make sense to me (i wasnt dreaming about the letter from a lady stabbed in the face 36 times or so right???? right???????)

im also not like. trying to defend him, im just trying to make sense of his diary. boi has issues n is a little too far gone (not as far as canon tho), in my take very deluded in his way of showing kindness. literally cool motive still murder (or in canon, just murder?), please get therapy. but i just dont really like the direction that the letter was originally trying to imply, with him really just hell bent on murder without like. a clear motive (at least to me it isnt very clear since the last part really doesnt sound consistent with his supposed intentions). i mean i love being edgy with aesop every now n then but i dont think it would make for meaningful characterizations in the long run so. ill still be sticking with my original take on aesop with maybe a bit of yandere for victor cos thats always fun

[im0mega]

Hello! I don't know if your asks are open for requests but I REALLY need a hc about era 4 ghouls with kids (or kits? idk). Sorry if this sounds silly but it's something I'd really like to read! 👀 Thank you in advance! I really love your blog! 🖤 (my ghost blog is haresisxdea btw, this is my main)

Hey! Thank you so much for your ask. This really made me happy (and frankly pretty nervous, as it is my first proper hc ask. But I’ll try and give my best.)

The Ghouls with Children

(I wasn’t sure if you meant their own kids or generally children, so I went with kids in general. I hope that’s okay?)

Aether is great with kids. In general he is the one taking responsibilities. I mean, lets be honest, hes already taking care of his children (read: the Ghouls and Copia) on tour anyways. Hes super gentle with kids, making sure they know to come to him for advice, a hug, help with their homework or a broken toy.

He also quite likes teaching kids new things. Be it riding a bike or baking a cake, if hes got time he will gladly spend an afternoon with them, resulting in selfmade- chocolate cake (“Look what I made!” – “Yes you did. That’s De-li-cious!”) and a completely destroyed kitchen. Hes also the kinda guy that will absolutely adore every drawing the kids show him (“Did you draw that? Thats amazing!”).

Wanna play board games on end? Then Rain is the ghoul youre looking for. Hes extremely sweet with kids. If its human kids hes sometimes a bit insecure (because humans tend to be confusing). He also gets excited about things together with the kids. What a cool blue rock you found! Yes, Elsa (frozen) is great! Lego technik? Sure, show him what you built and he’ll gush over it in absolute astonishment. Hes up for most of the ideas kids have, be it an invite to a tea party or a soccer match.

Speaking of: if youre looking for a ghoul that will play just about any sports with the kids, then Swiss is your man. Be it soccer, hide and seek, catch, basketball or that one game that the kids have just made up the rules for. Hes in! 

Our favourite thot is the kinda guy that always takes kids seriously and he would never talk down on them. He could also be seen giving kids piggy back rides, telling scary stories (not too scary of course) or jokes and bringing ice cream for everyone (His fellow ghouls included! Dewdrop insists on it).

Speaking of which, Dewdrop usually states that he “hates children” but for some reason they love him. And its not hard to see why. Where Dew goes, cool things happen. The problem is: when Dewdrop is being feral on his own, he can take the responsibilities. Even when he crosses them, he always knows his limits. Kids… don’t. Which means he has to take responsibility for them too. And that’s fine for an hour or two, but long term? Hell no. 

Having said that he will be up for some shenanigans with the kids, once they’ve talked him round (depending on his mood. Theres also days where its best to keep kids away from Dew entirely.)

On the contrary, Mountain doesn’t actually hate children. He just doesn’t get them and hes extremely awkward around them. It will take him quite a while to warm up with kids. 

Once he does, he is a very patient ghoul. You know that game where kids keep asking “Why?” for an undisclosed amount of time? He will play that game with them on end but in the process dropping so much cool knowledge on them that eventually it turns into an actual conversation. Hes also a pretty great keeper at soccer and fairly good at basketball so if Rain and Swiss invite him to join a game, hes in. Due to him being Mountain, sometimes kids fall asleep on him and he once again gets extremely awkward. Its like when a cat falls asleep on you and you cant move? That’s Mountain with a sleeping kid on his lap.

Cirrus doesn’t really like children. Shes not in any way mean to them or anything but she just doesn’t want to be around them for longer than necessary. She also cant see herself ever having children of her own. Now Cumulus on the other hand thinks kids are generally cute. She turns full big-sister-mood and shes very fun to be around. Shes pretty decent at drawing and sketching and she will gladly help a kid with that. If theyre human kids, she’ll be very curious about them. 

I hope these were okay? :) 

[onepunchmiss]

OPM s2e12 Live Blog

“The Wiping of the Disciple’s Butt”

The season finale. I’m nauseous. Lets begin. 

As always, I’m watching from the perspective of someone who has read the manga and webcomic. 

Right where we left off. Again I love the music. I’m just like, really calm right now actually. hhhhhhhhhhhokay. OOF oh god all the crunching sound effects oh no, this is already so weird watching Garou get his ass handed to him since he’s pretty much curb stomped every other hero in battle thus far, or at the VERY LEAST avoided taking so many hits. This. is so uncomfortable to watch. WOAH ????? THESE SHOTS WERE ONLY THERE FOR A SPLIT SECOND BUT??? HOLY SHIT???

GAROU’S HAIR OH MY GOD 

Oh god oh god Bang is relentless this hurts please stop guys GUYS PLZ  HAS NO ONE REALISED THAT NOT ONE HERO HAS DIED CMON PLZ IT HURTS calm down stop trying to kill him plsplspls OH

THIS 

IS WHY

WE STAN GAROU

HE SAYS FUCK DEATH HOW ABOUT I JUST GET STRONGER INSTEAD QUE EPIC THEME MUSIC

oh god damnit him legit running on all fours right there just looks goofy tho F “preposterous style” Bang you aint lying asdfghjkl really though OH MY GOD EVERYONE IS DRAWN SO BEAUTIFULLY THIS IS SO BLESSED 

WAIT 

NO OPENING THEME???????????????????? WHAT?????????????????????? WHY????????????????????????? ONE, I WANTED TO SEE THE CHIBI OF THE WEEK AND 2 

I WASNT PREPARED FOR MY FAVORITE DOPEY BIRD MAN THE FUCK PHOENIXMAN PLS NO ILY I know people hate him a lot but I just really dig how he feels like a fleshed out character compared to most other monsters, like he’s legit lookit him being all smart and stuff plz I just,,,,,,,,,,,, want to hug dumb fluffy birb ;-;

Woah again I’m being blown away by the animation??? Garou getting smacked around is really fluid and this just looks really cool in general?????

FUCK I CANT DO FLASHBACKS MAN JUST HEARING THE KID VOICE MAKED MY STOMACH LURCH OH NO 

OH NO I SCREAM OH NO I CANT OH NO GIMME 5 MINUTES PLEASE I CANNOT BBY NO I FORGOT ADULT GAROU IS IN THE FLASHBACK WATCHING THIS TIME PLS NO 

LIKE???????? I got kinda a comedic vibe watching him comment on it in the manga but the slow music and shit is just FUKKIN ME UP RIGHT NOW I HATE IT THANKS IT HURTS

oh god his face he has the seething thousand mile stare of quiet rage and its burning a hole STRAIGHT THROUGH MY ENTIRE BEING “But me I was the loner kid. Always gloomy and without friends” STOP. YOU STOP THAT RIGHT THIS INSTANT. IM CRYING AT U RIGHT NOW STOP

NO DONT HOLD HIM LET HIM GO S T O P OR SO HELP ME i can’t watch this what the fuck “I was always the loser” SHIT this legitimately hurts me “I dont want to be the monster anymore” GArou hey did you hear that part?? hEY GAROU DID YOU HEAR YOURSELF THERE??? 

WHAT DID I SAY WHAT THE F DID I JUST SAY STOP HOLDING HIM STOP STOPPIT  THE HELL MAN What if……….. I just go BACK IN TIME AND ADOPT BB GAROU CAN I DO THAT IS THIS POSSIBLE IS THIS ALLOWED ? ?? ?

oh my god it keeps getting worse. I mean. I already knew garou was being disproportionately reprimanded for what he supposedly did, but watching this scene just fucking kicked me in the teeth. As if my stomach wasn’t already in knots. The fuck . why does this hurt so much more watching than reading the frustration in seeping into me ffffff.

This looks really cool but, i can barely focus on that because im pretty much being exsanguinated on the floor over here by this whole sequence look at him crying. do it for me cause I sure as hell can’t 

“I want to strike a blow for the little guy”

Fukkin GETTEM GO GETTEM 

HOLY SHIT HIS VA IS GOING T F OFF 

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH LOOKIT HIM ILY SO MUCH SAVE THE DAY BIRB SAVE 

ASDFGHJKL THIS IS SO INTENSE EVERYONE IS SO INTENSE I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BUT HOLY SHIT FUCK IM SCREAMING GAROU IS SCREAMING BANG AND BOMB SCREAMING GENOS AND EVEN PHOENIXMAN EVEN THE MUSIC IS SCREAM WE ALL JUST SC R E M

OH MY GOD AND THE LITTLE HEAD NOT GENOS AND BANG GIVE EACHOTHER SAVING THE HEROES OH MY GOD OH FUCK AND THE WAY THEY ANIMATE BANG JUMPING AROUND IS DOPE AS HELL AND ALSO HOLY SHIT ELDER CENTIPEDE I MISSED THE UNSETTLING SMOOTH CG LIKE ANIMATION FOR THE CENTIPEDES EVERY CELL IN MY BODY IS JUST SCREAMING RN I AM OVERLOAD HELP 

Garou flailing in the air in Phoenixman’s grip is … really adorable oh my god. “It’s your fault for not finishing them” ooooooo that shut him up didn’t it oof. Also nice cameo by Tatsumaki there 

ASDFGHJKL THE MUSIC AGAIN I LOVE IT I LOVE THEM LOOK AT THEM OH MY GOD 

THIS IS SO BAD ASS

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS SO BADASS

Genos’s eye static, The brother’s fists swirling, THE FUKKIN CARAPACE SHATTERING 

THIS FIGHT IS SO WILD MY COMPUTER CANT EVEN TAKE IT. ITS GLITCHING AND FREEZING UP HOLY SHIT

oh god ok the face coming out of the face was pure nightmare fuel alright then

WAIT

I FORGOT GENOS IS A SELF SACRIFICING DUMBASS. NO IM NOT READY GENOS YOU DOOF LISTEN TO KUSENO LISTEN TO HIM 

oh no 

oh no

im crying oh no

this animation is beautiful first of all and the music like im just here this is where I’m at and I’m crying oh no 

He’s an angel. A literal angel. Look at that and tell me he doesn’t look like a fucking angel in the sky with the rays of light casting shadows around him. 

Genos you are too good and pure for this world but that DOESNT MEAN TRY TO GET YOURSELF KILLED 

Shit they really made it look like he was gonna self destruct there for a second which MADE HIS LAST STAND EVEN MORE INTENSE OH MY GOD SWEETHEART Y’all ever get into a show because you keep seeing one character that catches your interest, and you keep seeing them pop up on your dash or wherever until you finally decide ‘well fuckit, this is the asshole that’s gonna get me to finally watch the show’, cause you’re already invested in them anyway? Genos did that for me with OPM. If this fool didn’t exist Who knows how long it would’ve taken me to get to watching OPM, if ever. And shit like this is why I STILL love him. I usually move on to new faves 90% of the time but nope. Genos earned his spot and is keeping it. Look at this insane shit. My heart. Uhg

Enough gushing asdfghjkl ok but Genos, you just went INTO THE DAMNED THING’s STOMACH,,,,, and you’re SURPRISED that there’s STOMACH ACID?? But real talk. What the EVERLONG FUCK is that thing’s insides made out of? How did it NOT DIE. the FuCK

asdfghjkl Phoenixman’s chuckle???? I love 

Oh Bang no, this is wrenching my heart like I know that he doesn’t actually use his power but its built up so intensely like,,, would he be ok if he did??? and actually more concerningly since it even WAS brought up that he has some hidden true strength, will we EVER get to see that??? Oh Shit well when they word it as “All the power left to me in this life” then yeah, that seems pretty life or death ish???? THE FUCK 

Oh thank god comedic relief is here I feel like i’m about to have a heart attack my chest is so tight hhhhhh ok breathe WAIT THIS ISNT COMEDIC THIS IS BADASS AS HELL JEEZUS witht he flashbacks to the Saitama encounter and THIS LOOK

The Anime is really fucking with the audience huh??? Making it look like KIngs about to throw hands like???????????? OH SHIT AND THIS MUSIC IS DOPE AS HELL TOO IM JUST laughing I have so much excessive energy right now???

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHZAHAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASDFGHJKLJHGFDSWERTGYHUIUJHGFDFGHJKJHGFRE THE FUKKIN SONG THEY BROUGHT IT BACK THE ULTIMATE SONG I GOT THREE NOTES IN JUST THREE NOTES AND I KNOW IM SCREAMING I GOTTA GO RUN BRB 

IM STILL SCREAMING FADFJSAGFJDSLKAHVFSKLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OUR MAIN MAN THERE HE IS THERE HE IS IM GONNA THROW UP 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

OH MY FUCK THATS WHAT THE OPENING SEQUENCE EXPLOSION WAS FROM OH GOD OH FUCK BEAUTIFUL THIS IS BEAUTIFUL OH FUCK OH GOD 

The REPRISE oh no oh NO OH NO OH NO NO ITS NOT OVER im not ready its not I cant no no no i dont want to press play cause if I press play it will end soon no no no Oh my god and at the end there isnt gonna be a title card for the next episode because THERE IS NO NEXT EPISODE no non o nonononon on on on ono no no no 

NO 

HEY IVE BEEN RIPPED OFF. WHERES THE FACE WITH HIS HAIR BLOWN BACK??? ASDFJKL fine I cant even be mad everything else was tooo  ofdbghjfshkggfhsjgbfhjka

KING WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT REACTION ASDFGHJKL W H A T 

WAIT THEY ARE DOING THE OPENING THEME AT THE END NO I CANT HANDLE SEEING EVERYOONE NOW OF ALL TIMES GOD DAMNIT WHY ok yknow what. I knew it would be king. I dont know how but i did 

Wha

wh

fkin cliffhanger no please no 

I.. I’m kind of at a loss for words. I’m. That’s it, huh? It’s really over. It doesn’t FEEL over. There’s so much unfinished business. Well, the only way to really neatly wrap everything up as neatly as S1 did would have been to get ALL THE WAY through the Garou arc, which obviously wasn’t going to happen, but this is not a great spot to leave off if we’re going to endure another few years hiatus. My hope is that, with biweekley manga updates, we should wrap up the Monster Association/Garou stuff (assuming it doesn’t diverge from the web comic too much) some time next year, and I’m HOPING that s3 is already being planned accordingly along side manga publications. So MAYBE it will at least be announced around that time 2020. That’s my wishful thinking at least. I don’t think I can survive 3 years. anyway

You could really tell JC Staff poured their hearts and souls into these last 2 episodes. Absolutely gorgeous, paced well, so completely satisfying and making every second of s2 worth while. For me, at least. I’ve already seen people still complaining and I’m just sorry they didn’t have as much fun as I did. 

Seriously, thank each and every one of you guys. This has been a wild ride, I’ve barely had this blog a few weeks before season 2 started airing (and honestly just got into opm maybe a month before that?), so I owe a lot of the success on the blog to the anime I bet. This was the first series I’ve never tried live bogging, and I honestly can’t believe that they were as popular as they were? Especially since I never have any idea what I’m doing but yall listen to me ramble anyway?? Yall are crazy thank you so so so much. Now my tuesdays are gonna feel really empty… next week is gonna be weird as hell. Though I’m gonna get mad nostalgic good vibes rewatching this season in the future in no small part from sharing my experience with everyone who's stuck around. I can’t say see yall next week this time, but, see you next season whenever it may be for sure.

[theanoninyouraskblog]

Well, well, well

You all know the drill. Lets go. @erasermic-aus​ this is gonna be fun.

Lets get right into it. 

Obvious: 

1: That's a hand over a mouth right there, but more on that later. 

2: Grey colors, and they match his sweater. A nice touch. But more importantly it implies sadness, hopelessness depression etc. 

3: Lets talk about these words, I’m a good kid I swear, what did you do Yamada? What did you DO?!?

4: This is actually very interesting, so far all we’ve gotten about this AU’s hizashi has been adult, and we have nothing about Shouta, but back to Hizashi. As we can see he’s got the shorter hair cut typically associated with his youth. In addition to the kid mention, so unless we’re dabbling in multiple universe theorem, we can assume this is the younger version of this guy. 

Now, lets look at some more subtle elements. 

1: That's some tears, he’s crying, once more, more on the story elements of this later. 

2: Interesting way of doing the colors Henry. In fact, it’s actually a commonly used technique. With darkness fading into light a lot of classic scenes from shows and movies are made, usually symbolizing conflict, however there are two types. The dark at the top fading down to light, which typically takes place when the conflict is external, think... superhero or someone getting shot, those are the two places this is used most often. Fading dark to light bottom to top is usually symbolizing internal conflict. 

3: That's an interesting way to draw the ground, and while I’m pretty sure its stylistic, it does make our gray background look a lot like smoke, which brings up the question, is this dust from rubble? More on this in a bit, I swear, I’m getting to it. 

Posturing: 

Well first thing to point out is he's kneeling, not like some one hit him and he fell back, so we’re saying he fell to his knees. Covering his mouth, head down, he cant bring himself to look up, shoulders hunched. 

Actually looks a bit like a panic attack.

And that seems like all I can get out of this picture.

BUT DONT WORRY!

There is in fact not just one piece of art but two!

You’ll have to forgive me, I normally screen shot these so they’re easier for me to find, his hair got a bit chopped off. 

OH HO, HO!

Lets get through the stuff, I’ll get to story right after we do these notes. 

Obvious: 

1: Hand over mouth again, I’ll go into detail about this during posturing. 

2: He’s crying, poor lad!

3: That's not the same sweater as the previous image, which either means henry decided to draw him differently for no reason or this is a separate occasion of Hizashi having a break down. 

4: Mute? Hizashi Yamada? Did I hear you right? Hizashi Yamada is not mute. Besides we know this Hizashi can speak from the previous art. No this refers to something else, he doesn't want to speak, or feels like he cant. I’m barely restraining myself from spilling my theory, bear with me. 

Subtle: 

1: Hizashi isn't wearing hearing aids. I know this because I have it from reliable sources. And by that I mean Henry himself: 

So we can assume this is either A: Before Hizashi’s hearing damage was diagnosed, or B: he/his family cant afford them yet. However he does get them later in life as we can see here: 

2: This is more so posturing but that's the same hand over the mouth and same hand down... interesting

3: Once again the background conveys internal conflict. 

Posturing:

Hand over mouth again, you know what this reminds me of: 

Pearl.

If you don't know pearl from Steven Universe, without going into too much detail or spoilers, Pearl is unable to talk about a certain... thing. Basically she cant talk about something traumatic to her because she’s sworn to keep it a secret. 

Now while I doubt this is the same situation for Hizashi, I think its clear he’s suffering through something, regret of some deed or something like that and he’s taken to covering his mouth as a sort of... coping method per say. 

I think we can finally move to story.

Now this is what I think happened: 

Hizashi as a young child developed his quirk and it was so destructive, he was unable to keep it under wraps, now I’m terrible at guessing age, but this hizashi is probably between 8 and uhh 13. He loses control of his quirk and kills/hurts someone, and while this could defiantly be a stranger I’m suspecting it was someone close to him, probably one of the only people who supported him and maybe if they feel like twisting the knife they say something about being wrong after all before they die. 

The destructiveness of his quirk leads to him collapsing in shame (see image 1) swearing that he never meant to do this among the dust and rubble. 

People start treating him like a criminal/start talking about a quirk like his could never be used for good or he could never be a hero, he was only destine to hurt. Think Shinsou if you will. 

He takes to covering his mouth, staying quiet, he doesn't really speak, too afraid to hurt someone, but over the years the resentment of the people around him begins to wear on him. 

I’m thinking something happens, probably mid to late teenage years, perhaps someone tries to hurt him or kill him and he kills them or at least makes them fear him. 

The mania begins to set in, his eyes dilate and become wild, maybe a smudge of blood at his jaw. 

He turns to a life of villainy, with a radio show/maybe blog, where he may or may not admit to being a villain on it, maybe it’s the Present Mic Radio Show, and he’s just the only villain wild enough to have a radio show where they talk about their villainous activities, but anyway he has this radio show. 

One night while he’s off villaining he runs in to either hero Eraserhead or Villain Eraserhead, and develops a massive crush or at least a slight obsession. 

He proceeds to gush about it on his show (”He Was Amazing”).

Now this is where everything gets more vague and we have to rely on circumstantial evidence. 

Specifically: 

And 

Now my two shakes go like this: After their encounter, at some point Hizashi captures Aizawa. 

After that your guess is as good as mine. 

Unless of course you’re henry or windy in which case. 

Better look out, I’ve finally got something to sink my teeth into and I don't plan on letting go. 

[whosxafraid]

holy christmas dudes....has it really been two years already? i mean i feel like it was yesterday i hesitantly made this blog without any real hope anyone would want to interact with this over sized old man but needing to make the blog anyway because the fecker wouldn’t be quiet---but here we are...and just damn.

Ｇｉｖｅａｗａｙ Ｇｕｉｄｅｌｉｎｅｓ：

Give away begins: now - 03/25/19 Give away ends : 6:00pm EST - 03/29/19

1. One like/re-blog per blog.

 I get really turned around and easily confused so please make this  easier on me and only either re-blog the post or like the post.   But only do either one once.          

2. Must be following Luka and be an RP blog in order to participate.

Please don’t just follow to participate in the giveaway, okay? I can’t control you following and then un-following but its super   rude and just karma’s a bitch okay?

3. I need a week or so to get the prizes out after the giveaway ends.

 Bare with me. I keep my promises it just takes me time.

4. Winners will be chosen using the random number generator. Keeps everything nice and fair :)

5. If you are a multi-muse and win, please be prepared to chose one of your muses for icons made.

6. If you win and your muse’s fc is not well known or has little screen time, please be prepared to help me out if I can’t find suitable resources on my own for graphics/icons/etc.

7. If you win and you have a favorite picture or resource(aka movie/episode/etc) in which your muse’s fc is portrayed please feel free to let me know!

8. If you win please be prepared to provide a primary color and/or scheme you would like the graphics/icons to have.

ＰＲＩＺＥＳ:

1st Place: 1 promo graphic, 1 set of Online/Offline/Lurking/Drafts banners, 25 [200x100] icons, psd and watermarked with your chosen letter(s).

2nd Place: 1 promo graphic and 25 [200x100] icons, psd and watermarked with your chosen letter(s). .

3rd Place: 1 promo graphic

                                                    ƓƠƠƊ ԼƲƇƘ!

follow forever beneath the cut

@brooklynislandgirl / @tarnishedhalo / @quothesquills

yes hi i love you always? lol thank you for being my partner is so many fictional crimes. for being a like minded cray like me but also constantly teaching me and bettering me as a person literally every day. i love how we can finish each other sentences sometimes, and are so alike and then completely different so we end up seeing more angles to things. you can put me in tears one second and then rip my soul out the next. i like u, ur a good. so ur kinda stuck with me. stay you cuz otherwise im gonna be feckin lost. 

@morgansmornings

also yes hello is this thing on? I LOVE YOU. yer a fecking gem of a human being and while u may not need me too i will go to war with my bat swinging for u always. you make me laugh when i wanna cry and always are an ear when i need to vent. i love ur imagination and ur brain and i can not gush enough about how amazing ur muse is. its takes someone extraordinary to make someone extraordinary. and your muse is extraordinary. remember that if nothing else. besties always cuz im keeping u sorry not sorry.

@seanceisms / @umbrellakidstm / @wolventm / @scciopath

fucking beautiful human being you are okay. i love you always and i will follow you across any blog you ever make. and that sounded way less stalkerish in my head but whatever you get it. u can’t escape me LOL. always an ear and always a joy to talk to even when we’re doing nothing but trading pictures or headcanons or screaming about stupidity we find or murdering each other with feels. 

@riggsanity

my dude ur a fecking treasure. ur humor is sharp and i love that. your amazing at your hobby and i love every reply i get from you. i love that we can have conversations that stretch over hours because we both get distracted or get busy but we always know where we’re at.  ur fantastic and im blessed to have met you.

@mynameisanakin

there are too many inside jokes and not enough time to list them all. this is a friendship that i fucking love and never wanna lose. ur unique and ur a fecking trip and i LOVE that about you. the sometimes brutal honesty is refreshing to say the least, and i can not word how much i love our thread and our future plots. stay golden like the sand in our Jamaican no fig capes. ;)

@the-blackest-spider

holy balls dude like how long have we known each other at this point? i cant even remember. all i know is i love u and i know we dont talk as much as we used too but i love that we can pick up right where we left off when we do and there’s not a beat missed. ur brilliant and will always ALWAYS be ‘my natasha’. 

@tabbyrp and  @corinnebaileyrp

you two are gifts okay. always have something kind to say to me. always checking on me when my ooc posts get a little weird and sideways. (more than usual anyway). i love both of you and i love our plots and threads. every single one. -throws cookies at both with exuberance- 

@thor-theavengergod

one of my closest dudes.i miss ur thor so much. but im glad we can stay connected on discord. ur artwork is GLORIOUS and always a joy to see pop up on my dash. you’re always an ear and never afraid to say what you think. and that’s really rare in this day and age. Keep being amazing my dude. u shine and it shows!

@bettershotthanbucky | @edithbarton / @hitslikeatruck / @mutatiiions

okay but like world of an au and plot we built i love it. you dudes are fucking beautiful and will always be my bartons(and wolverine/Piotr/and the rest). always. we dont always talk or are in each others day to day but when we do it’s always a riot. you guys are my dudes, dudes. never ever ever ever forget that. i’ll always be here for u dudes. whenever u need me and i know u’ll be the same for me cuz that’s just how ride or die dudes roll. -all the hugs-

@daggermxchanic

man let me talk about how fucking great it is to get to write luka with someone close to where he’s from even if it’s not the same time frame. Its amazing. I love your muse and i love the oppertunities he gives me to explore other facets of luka. Two grumpy old men never gets old and i LOVE ALL OF IT. ur a fucking amazing and don’t let no body tell u different my dude. ur classic.

@deathisachoice

okay we interact more on my pirate blog but fuck it i do what i want. im so glad u were able to finish ur thesis. im glad its behind u and that weight has been lifted. im super excited to get to talk to u more again and make awesome plots for our pirates (and maybe here too). either way ur writing is amazing and so are u. always a joy to talk to and write with!!

@ruthlessmeans / @mockeryofreason

okay but i love u alot. and i wish i could bat away all the bad that’s been happening as of late. just teach it a lesson so it fucks off permanently. but as i cant all i can do is offer cookies and remind u ur loved. i admire the decidcation that u have to ur muses. i love how u think through every angle and facet of them. that speaks volumes about u as a person. keep ur chin up my dude. ur silver lining is coming.

@canadianclaws

not so much rp’ing anymore but we stay in touch over discord and u literally NEVER fail to make me laugh even when i don’t want too or i’m feeling like something four days dead. i absolutely adore u and our friendship and i love that we can just drop funny fucking shit in our chat at random hours on any given day and its no big ya know? JUST LOVE U A LOT -tackle squishes-

@cochetsharpshooter

one of my best dudes and a fucking peach too boot. always uplifting and always the best gifs. years of jokes lbr and no enough angst and time in the day to write it all every probably. u are my bucky, always and forever. never lose ur wonder and ur drive my dude. ur inspiring. truly.

@ronmanmob

a gift with words right here. dedication to your muse on a level i’ve never seen. its phenomenal. always good vibes to talk to, always up beat. its honestly wonderful that we’re mutuals. always love reading your rps and ur blog is general is epic. keep it up. ur a gem.

@noprodigalson

life has gotten busy for u. taken u in different directions and that’s just something that happens. that’s life. but getting to see u pop up on my dash now and then. little updates and fashion drops it warms me up. ur style sense is amazing and so is ur hair. (yes i still want those pants). ur a beautiful human and hopefully life will let u get back to ur hobby here real soon. all my love my dude!

To all my of my followers: 

you all brilliant lights in the world, in your own ways. Never, ever, EVER forget that. you are amazing. you are all special. to me and the other people in your lives that mean the most. stay frosty. and KEEP WRITING. ALWAYS KEEP WRITING. NO MATTER WHAT. NO MATTER THE TRIALS. KEEP WRITING!!  because remember there was a time when the world thought Van Gogh wasn’t worth anything at all and now he’s a house hold name even little kids know who he is. 

BE BRAVE

BE CREATIVE

BE YOU NO MATTER WHAT

-Crow

[oakmd]

Congratulations ! You received 1,000+ followers !

Continue? ▶YES ▷NO

 Well, I can’t really express anything but amazement at such an accomplishment, and to be honest I’m pretty blown away that so many of you have stuck with me since the beginning of this blog, and that so many of you enjoy Professor Oak enough to stay. I’ll forever stand by the fact that this blog was the best 'joke’ I ever made, and probably one of the most fulfilling things I’ve actively kept at. 

As much as I hope this blog has helped you find comfort and laughter, RPing Professor Oak has definitely changed me for the better, as well. It has given me an outlet to heal parts of myself and provide help to others, and also pushed me to practice positivity even when I know I get so low sometimes that I don’t even want to try. Another bonus is that I have met wonderful people here, most of you just strictly friends on the dash, but I’ve also gained relationships with people that have extended into discord and I’m sure it has made all the difference this past year and a half. 

As usual, I’m not really a fan of long-winded gushes of emotion, so I’ll keep it short, but I would really like to have it be known that my love for Professor Oak has grown tremendously, in ways I would have never reached without taking the time to thoughtfully craft his backstory and work to develop him further. I know he’s a very nostalgic character that so many of us know and respect that I’m always very careful of how I choose to build on the image without ruining what’s already there.  Out of all my many muses here, this one has seemingly ( and surprisingly ) all at once snuck its way as my primary blog; the blog I always look forward to logging into the most, where I enjoy following your activity whether it be IC or OOC, and just generally enjoy being in the presence of people so passionate about a fandom associated with my childhood. I love this little corner of a community that has welcomed me and engaged with me and unknowingly kept me going, and to look back at my experience and see that I’ve had no trouble at all makes me feel really lucky.

There will never be a way to fully and accurately express my thanks, but I will say it anyway: thank you so much, and I hope that no matter where you go, and no matter what you do, you are trying to be your best, and that you’re happy. Professor Oak will always be there to congratulate you when you reach your dreams.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER ( because my mind is so scattered - ) special shout outs to special people: 

@timecapscle - wasn’t it you that said i’d one day get 1,000 followers? : ) you’ve literally supported me since the beginning and i just wanna say that i appreciate your enthusiasm for professor oak as much as i appreciate your enthusiasm for bill. its wonderful to see someone represent an otherwise under represented character and you do it well. i care for you so much, and wish nothing but good things for your future even if you want to do bad things in the name of science

@diligentseeker / @evolutionexpert  - someone i consider a cherished friend, despite how sporadic our interaction seems, i appreciate all our random long talks on discord, and i’ll never forget our very first conversation. it meant a lot to me, and i want to thank you. i dont meet a lot of ppl that i feel ‘get’ me on some unspoken level, so when it happens, its a nice surprise. anyway i won’t ramble because i take it you’re not one for praise, but im glad people like you exist. with that being said please stop making professor elm stress me out.

@undinaes - the moment you’ve been waiting for. SIKE! just kidding; its no surprise that you’re always filling my dash with testimonials from people that see you for what you are. you’re a beam of sunshine with all the qualities to match; warm, bright, and a natural source of energy that brings people together. your passion for writing is astounding and even when ppl dont deserve your kindness, you’re unbiased in giving it out. truly a mom through and through. but most importantly, ur my girlie and im glad we met :v

@ofpalletown - in my mind, you are practically ash, and ill be here to support you even during all your moments of Extra™ ... but aside from that you’re very loyal to your friends and full of something sunny that i can’t describe. ur gonna be okay, kid. so pls stop stressing out ur dear prof oak 

@03redd - i probably mentioned not long ago that your blog is really good, but ill say it again in case you weren’t listening. i love your blog? its very fun to follow, and i think you’re one of my favorite reds. even with me not being game verse, its so easy to just immerse myself in whatever nonsense you have red drag professor oak into. i dig your creative energy. 

@normaliium - and ofc i cant leave out my cousin. the one to be admired, the ever-successful, brilliant human being that loves me even when i take off ten years of your life each night. my life would lack such substance without you, and i will never forget all you’ve done to help me when i would otherwise be left to myself. you make me really proud to know you, you really do, and everyone i ever talk to you about can attest to that. #YOLO

@bossgiovanni - you haven’t been active in forever, but you remain one of my friends and that’s all that matters. from skype to discord, im glad we could stick together even with our blatant differences in opinion. you are always so nice to me and say the kindest things, and i just wanna say thanks. hope youve been doing well! you are capable of so much, and i believe in you, so don’t forget that. 

@agentmansley - can i jsut say thank you for staying true to your muse and throwing even the purest of characters into your mess? i have loved your blog long before i made professor oak, and you’re seriously one of the funnest people i’ve rp’d with here. everything i’ve written with you is refreshing and new, and never fails to make me laugh. thank you for your love for kent, and also for writing with me. i know you’ve been MIA for a while, but you’re definitely a memorable person. 

@tcssaiga - i dont have a lot of cross-fandom interactions so when they happen im usually pleased. you’ve got great characterization, and have perfect dialogue. i never watched a whole lot of inuyasha but i’ve atched enough to know that you’re pretty close to canon. thanks for the interactions even if you’re mean to prof oak on archer ; (

@askgarymfoak - MY LITTLE ACORN!!!! the dedication you have for gary honestly gives me so much life, and i love rping with you on discord and just yelling about sam / gary hcs. its always a highlight of my day and i can tell you’ve thought about gary and his life long and hard, and its so cool to see someone interested in all that makes him the Headache we all recognize and love. please never stop sharing with me the personal hcs you have for the boy, i always want to hear them. 

@futureheld - we don’t even rp with each other on this muse BUT youre one of my longest tumblr rp friends that i still talk to and you’re really important to me. we have history, we go back!!!! okay? #FRIENDSHIP n all that. but tbh id follow you on any muse because your writing is just great? id write any weird crossover with you because you have a talent for making it work seamlessly anyway. thanks 4 the memories, loser. 

@seviiserver - CELIO!!! we dont talk as much as we used to, or rather, we talk in bursts every now and then but i consider you one of my good friends! not only are u really talented in all things artistic, but i love your writing and it’s always enjoyable to read, even if its not one of our threads together. you made me have so much adoration for celio and like all the other ppl ive met who bring life to underrated / under-rp’d muses, i enjoy seeing everything you pour into him... AND ALSO I LOVE OUR OAK / ROWAN INTERACTIONS? i love them so much it hurts okay. even if its just silliness in discord it brightens my day. anyway perhaps one day we will cross paths in this sleepless city and i will finally teach u how to ride a bike.

@rottenrhythms - i know i dont have much to say or comment with whenever you message me on discord, but i admire how much detail you put into your characters and meta. im always impressed with all the work and thought you put into your world-building; i wish i had that much drive. also, you’ve made a lot of improvement with yourself from the time i first started talking to you on skype. be proud of your progress, and keep working at it, it’s worth it in the long run!

@lack--two NATE youre definitely a very sweet person, and perhaps a little more devious ooc than i’d imagined you would be ( at least to me, why must you poke me for reactions? ; ( u wound me ) but you’re a soothing presence to be around and im glad you were finally able to make discord work. bonus points for letting me yell about yugioh all the time. never stop being wonderful. im here for you whenever you might need a listening ear, okay? 

@loyalpika / @palletbloomer - #PRIKA!!! ever since i first followed you i remembered being blown away by your extensive headcanons on pikachu and i genuinely enjoy every blog you make! we dont talk OOC but from all your ooc posts you seem like a very caring older sister and thats nice to see; with you running around all the time, i hope you do get some rest every now and then! i hope our camaraderie never falters, take care friend! 

@thepkmnnurse - i cant forget all the love and support both you and your muse have for professor oak, and im happy you try to spread positivity on the dash whenever you can! we don’t talk much OOC but from what i can tell you’re just as kind and nurturing as nurse joy herself. i hope you’ve been taking it easy wherever you are, and i hope your days are bright!

@rebelracket - will there ever be a day that i dont enjoy seeing your delinquent muse causing havoc on the dash? your creativity is wonderful to witness and i enjoy clarissa so much, thank you for interacting with a pure ol’ muse like mine. i hope we can continue to keep writing together, im excited at where we might end up. p.s. your art is delightful.

@porttownprince - you’re a gentle presence on my dash but im glad that youre here and that you’ve stuck around despite all the bad things that followed you. i hope you can overcome all the trauma you’ve been through. thank you for being kind with me!

@nikkouki - i know i dont say much but i enjoy your random check ins with me on discord, and i think youre a sweet young girl. you’re gonna go far in life, just make sure you keep going! continue being a precious kiddo and don’t forget to study your japanese ; (

@viciousvainglory & @midoriyamight - i cant think of one without the other so accept this double-tag lol. you’ve both supported this blog since the beginning and i wont forget how welcome you made me feel! no matter what blogs you’re on im glad we can still be friends! you deserve the big toblerone! 

@fateandfury - my long time writing parter without knowing we were long time writing partners! the work you put into professor juniper is something to behold! we haven’t seemed to interact much despite rping professor muses, but that doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate your take on such a muse!

OTHER BLOGS TO BE ADMIRED ( also in no particular oder) : @sterlingsilverchampion @starmarkcd @pxgtails @satanstories @champofpallet @golden-oak @spriggaens @nurturen @florenselite @craniumaniac @ask-guzma @tenderpoison @gocatchem @faemoria @hikaup@writtenbykaichu @executiveariana @honoxtokage @simikami @bigcalavera @rotorotom @thehopcful @and-they-succeeded @metalprincess13 @keep-those-memories-away @hisvanity @attitxde @asmayflies @sesshcmaru @theagentlooker @ambcrly @kantocowboy @dauphindekalos @beareroftheblueorb @blastingxff @aquaelegance @bugeyesboutique @make-it-trouble  @thunderstonereject  @theagentlooker @soultattered @scvedbylove  @diluviumx @inevitabilis-sors @pokedouche @fightiniumz @firespun

I’M SO SORRY IF I MISSED PEOPLE, THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR SOMEONE SO SCATTER-BRAINED AND MEMORY-FOGGED AS ME. EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT INCLUDED AND EVEN IF WE’RE NOT MUTUALS, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT OF THIS BLOG. WITHOUT ANY OF YOU I WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN HERE.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A GIVEAWAY!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

[cerealmonster15]

3, 6, and 8 for the artist ask!!!

3 answered here!

6. tag your favorite artists/inspirations!

hell yes i love an excuse to gush over friends and mutuals and people i admire that i’ve never spoken to outside of leaving tags in their posts, he l l o :

@gdipalomo first of all, loving wonderful friend and extremely talented individual!! her art fascinates me with how much detail goes into every piece, and especially the backgrounds- those are GOALS. i love how everything she makes has depth and looks like it’s had a great amount of time and care put into it all. shes also incredibly supportive towards me about my life and my art and i adore her c’:

im counting writing as art and my pal @kidzbopmallcop is excellent at writing The Fanfics and does a good job with staying close to characterization and making sure each aspect of the story is well thought out and considered when putting it together. VERY COOL and shes a GREAT BUD

@mercuryblacksleg is so talented and lovely and has the best design ideas for characters!!!! he draws the cutest tiny old man sarge and merle,,, his red team art is a+ and also hes a great friend and i love him

@fandomescapades keeps making me  CRY every damned time they post things, omfg. such a beautiful art style- i looove how they draw facial expressions and faces in general. their use of color is also just absolutely gorgeous and i want to stare at each art post for like 50 years….

@artsyorangeykay has really cool au ideas and draws them out beautifully!!!! they have a cool art style that reminds me of a cartoony kind of comic book, and they have lovely and well thought out looking character designs for their facecanons of rvb characters, and i love seeing the little comics they make  to fit aus or people’s prompts!! their passion for their aus and how excited they get when people are talkin about the mermaid au with them is so refreshing and it’s always nice seeing new art from them. 

@happyfunballxd has the CUTEST style of chibis. sometimes i remember their rvb baby au and i just. cry. the only thing cuter than chibis is baby chibis. then i remember their taz babies and i cry even more because THIER DRAWINGS OF BABY ANGO IS THE CUTEST THING YOU’LL EVER LAY EYES ON. i aspire to be that good at drawing cuties one day

@peteor is another bro who’s art style reminds me of cartoony comics and i love it! he draws great facial expressions, especially on babies. have you ever seen his grumpy baby drawings??? if not, youre missin out, bud. theyre seriously the best pudgey pouts and it’s absolutely beautiful

@cyborg-sabi has SUCH a cute art style with like, such soft wonderful features on everyone they draw. they have one of those art styles that feels safe and comforting to look at and makes me feel at home to see?? i cant really explain why, but i really like it

surprise another fic one but @mistevieous has such good writing and explores less popular characters and pairings in their works sometimes, and always inspires me to write more and work harder on what i’m doing when i read their stuff

and speaking of fics, @comefeedtherainn has the power to giveth and also taketh away, holy shit. they write characterization SO WELL it practically feels canon. there’s funny parts, sweet fluffy parts, and absolutely heart wrenching feelings-destruction angst. i still like to go back and reread certain doc/donut and church/donut stuff they’ve done, and every time i’m filled with so many good feelings. the angst hits right where it hurts, tho, so don’t let the fluffier ones fool you: they are powerful with writing fics and you have been Warned.

@amvial is such a wonderful delight of a human and always has such a gorgeous unique art style. i feel like every piece they draw is better than the last and i cri seeing their fun ideas put to picture. they also have a really unique way of working with color that works SO WELL and i want to learn the Secrets bc everything they make is absolutely mesmerizing and fills me with those Good Feelings

@washingtonsthrussy i still want to duel them for changing their url to that, bUT theyre still an excellent artist with a crisp beautiful art style. i love how they draw faces  [especially them noses?? i love the noses. so cute] and i always wanna ruffle the hair of whoever they draw bc it looks so soft and Good

 @epsilon-washington has SUCH  a cute and wonderful art style that is always getting better and that ever increasing skill still AMAZES me !! it’s unique and so pleasing to look at- they have a good strong use of color and draw faces and heads overall really well, like i’m always re looking back at their art bc i cant stop staring at how skilled they are at drawing people’s faces and make everyone look so GOOD!!! i wanna learn that kind of skill ;0

@docdufresne scares me with how fuckin incredible they are at painting that goddamed halo armor and making it look so flawless, and even prettier than it does in the show?? beautiful use of colors and lighting, makin things look shiny and lively. and i LOVE how they draw faces too?? everyone is so cute in the little cartoon-esque doodles, and then the more realistic looking paintings just blow my mind.

@captainkonot HBHGBHBGHBH every time i read their blog title i wanna jam out to rocky horror lmfao. but omg anyway the art!! THE COMICS!!!! THE COMICS MAKE ME SCREAM theyre so fucking funny and good and creative and FUN TO READ i die. especially their rvb art omfg, i love love absolutely everything, the characters are so dynamic and expressive and full of life and personality and love and i ADORE IT!!!!!! looking through their drawings always makes me wanna go draw something and work on my techniques more bc im just so amazed at what they can do and how happy they make other people / me feel with their art. i wanna get to that level where i’m also inspiring people and making people happy like how their stuff makes me feel!! it’s an amazing feeling and i feel like there’s really some thing special with that kind of art! every so often i remember their drawings of caboose trying to hug sarge and felix and i DIE theyre the best things ever. also they make really cool original art here and there that’s always interesting to see!! it’s all very good and fun. go to their blog. experience the magic. 

jfjjbjgjb a lot of people that inspire me are mutuals and/or friends lolol but there are also a ton i admire from afar

@papanorth also has like, phenomenal really interesting au snippets!! i’ve been super into that gym teacher wash au bc, as i’ve said, i LOVE au with kiddos bein kiddos. i love their art style, ranging from cute cartoony doodles to like, absolutely gorgeous paintings (do u call it painting if it’s digital? it looks like a painting.. imma call it a painting lol) with like, stunning use of colors and lighting that fills me with all kinds of emotions. im super inspired by their technical skill with how well they can draw people at an extensive range of emotions and have such like,,, Great Detail with facial features and anatomy and all that fun stuff. theyre very creative and filled with so many cool ideas, it’s awesome.

@toastyhat , ,, oh my god how could i almost forget toastyhat???? one of my absolute Favorite artsts like, EVER. p sure i followed them back in the homestuck days and was SO EXCITED when i’d gotten into rvb ~2 years ago to see that they were into that too. they draw for a lot of things i’m not familiar with but i always love seeing it anyway bc holy shit that SKILL is UNREAL. this is another one of the cases of “i love everything about how they draw faces and heads in general and i want to absorb this artwork through my face i cant stop staring at it” kind of scenarios. it’s beautiful and like, top level aspiration art goals, hoo boy. they also have really helpful advice tags and posts that i’ve gone creepin thru a few times and just, i love their blog, you guys.

i’ve been taken with @randomdraggon ‘s art since i got into rvb and found their wonderful donut/lopez art. SO GOOD to see such STELLAR ART for my FAVE RED BOYS and such a rare pair ;w; they have incredibly unique and GORGEOUS facecanons for donut and lopez and many others, and it’s cool seeing their overwatch art too. i’ve seen people using their 3D models for rvb animations, and as someone who’s finally started 3D modeling/animation classes in college, i’ve found that really cool and inspiring to see such neato burrito creations like that. i’m so mesmerized with their cool and creative art style and i dream of being half that creative and skilled one day.

i think @powerfulpomegranate drew a picture of like, a super strechy simmons and squash grif and it was like, the best thing i’d ever seen i laughed so much. they’re yet another person that absolutely astounds me with what a wide range of amazing skill they have with like, cartoony yet beautifully done doodles, to like, incredibley detailed digital paintings. i LOVE the wild facial expressions they can draw sometimes, and there’s also like, this soft sweet gif of animation they did once of tucker in the car with i think wash, caboose, and maybe junior was there? like, drivin late at night with a light flashing by and it was just. it was so gorgeous, yall.  every time i stumble upon it i stare at it so long thinking about how every aspect of that was put together and how much time it must’ve taken, even for just a few seconds. it’s so soft and calming and comforting to watch, so Peaceful and beautiful. i love it and i love their art…also im pretty sure theyre the person who’s FC of smith made me think of gordon from thomas the tank engine and i’ve literally never been able to forget that LOL (it’s really good tho) (i love it)

okokok i think i should stop here bc im sure there are like 5000 people i could think of, but i went with the ones i see most often and think about a lot, but i assure yall i know of SO MANY MORE talented people and these are just the first billion of wonderful beautiful super skilled individuals that come to mind.

…anyway. other question.

8. show us at least 2-3 drawings from 1-2 years ago.

…CRIES. CRIIIEEESSSSS oh my god lol. i’m glad my older sketchbooks are at home bc there are some MESSY MESSES in there but heyooo, i can show you the firstish digital drawing i did of donut (like, when i first tried drawing with a tablet) from 2 years ago next month, and then the redraw i did a year later 

oct 23, 2015, about a month into me finding rvb

and the alt version, hnk-

[fuckin weeps oh my god] [im so sorry]

then the next year, sept 14 2016 [the one year anniversary of me starting rvb]

hes not great but hes a hell of a lot better lmfao. part of it was finding a sharp pen tool in medibang/firealpaca, but also i just needed to Learn lmfao

and yknow. i was gonna wait a little more before redrawing this but since the hurricane may come and wreck our shit i might as well REDRAW HIM RIGHT NOOWWWW [sept 5, 2017]

i still have ages to go but im GETTING THEEERREE [im gonna make a separate post bc IMPROVEMENT]

lol sorry for such a long reply omfg, but thank u for asking!!

[x]

[icharchivist]

anon hxh part 1 remade. Hi err sorry for dissapearing i ended up watching hxh and got hooked and almost bingue watched until now, i completely forgot of liveblogging. Anyway i guess better late than never right?*sweats nervously* Abt it, i am really enjoying, i am on the episode 51? 52? i i think( i am on neflix so the numbers are different) yorknew arc *stares brokenly at the window*. I am really loving all the protags, Gon and Killua fast became my sons, Kurapika *sobs* i love him, alsoloveleo

hxh anon part 2. So i love both gon and killua. Kurapika damn, i am still shook/gross sobbing for him now (haunted eyes at the name yorknew arc) i also loved kura pretty early and still love him(and now i am suffering,) Leorio, damn leorio, i really like his character! His backstory and goal touched me so much. Like the only grips i had with leorio was... that gamble episode on the hunter exam arc bc leorio no, and yeah, overall i am really enjoying all the protags.

hxh anon part 3. The only thing that does annoy me is more a shounen trope/mentality that after... a few shows let a bitter taste in my mouth, in which killua and gon arent training as much as i would like to? like i understand rationally that they are 12, and boy, they at that age might not see how much training is important, especially considering certain events and that they need to master their nen relatively soon. Still love them

hxh anon part 4. I also love Melody!! She is such a sweet character and her goal and her power and and her backstory and her caring i just ;-;!! Canary also! Love her!! my heart broke for her when killua passed her on that scene when he reunites with gon. Amazing opening song! Omg I remembeed i absolutely loved wing and zishu and their relationships with gon and killua and wing method of teaching and idk i reazlly liked how wing is as a teacher!

anon hxh part 5 i think, my first reaction to hisoka was "calm down extra" and (when he attacked withcards the fake examiner and the examiner) "i cant believe hisoka origin story was that he used to be on yu gi oh(mostly bc of the meme of everyone in the anime using cards to attack people with guns)" Also there is never a episode in which i am hisoka wtf. But overall i think he is a good (written) antag (juST STAY AWAY FROM MY SONS)

hxh anon part 6, also speaking of antags, i want to fiST FIGHT THE ENTIRE ZOLD/YCK FAMILY(excluding kalluto and alluka), just just ugh. last episode when silva and the old guy fought chrollo i couldNT TAKE THE FIGHT SERIOUSLY BC I KEPT THINKING SILVA LOOKED LIKE A SUPER SAIYAN AND (i also knew chrollo survived so) ThEn The PArt Of Illumi Happened AnD Ia M sTILL SCREAMING (mostly bc of kurapika, the amoutn of heart attacks i had on this arc bc of wory for kurapika and gon and killua was too high)hxh anon part 6, aND SPEAKING OF KURAPIKA, I JUST look dude i loved his power i loved bu T godammit i worry for him far too much i just *internally screaming* also his fight against uvo i was also screaming the entire time then the end happened and *lays on the floor looking empty* let him be happy. and the last episode shook me i am just *screams and cries* over the fact he had to buy the eyes(THAT ARE FAKE!! FUCK) AND his empty look and and and *incoherent fetal position sobbing*

hxh anon part 7 hmm what more to comment? i guess this is it, i am re- oh yeah FUCK TONPA SERIOUSLY I WANTED TO FLY HIM INTO THE SUN, GING WHY WOULD YOU SHOW THEM THE GREED ISLAND THING WHY I KNOW THERE IS A ARC CALLED GREED ISLAND WHICH CAN ONLY MEAN BAD THINGS AND I JUST GING WHY. oH I LOVED mito and gon relationship! My heart exploded in gushing when gon was like "she is my mom" and i am glad their relationship is good!

 hxh anon part 8(end bc holy shit too much parts) i think i am forgetting to comment on some things but this is what is mostly appearing on my mind now. Anyway i am really really enjoying hxh so far, the history is very very good, the power building system also incredible cool, i love all the protags, the most of minor chara are very engaging and memorable and get that develop feel, the music and animation are astounding. Thank you for reblogging abt it and make me meet it, i am loving it

Nonny omg your full reaction is a delight :’DD Bless you so much for that!!!

I’m so glad you love everyone omgg your reactions are all amazing :’D I’m so glad you adopted all of them, and you get me when it comes to Kurapika! i’m still too emotional over everything about him ,, like you mention how cool his power is and i ‘m w i t h you, let him be happy, killing people is destroying him, it’s not good for him, and his power keeps draining him it’s too painful to see please let him b e happy D: and jfc, the eYES. Like he’s forced to buy THE EYES OF HIS PEOPLE for a SPOILED BRAT! And IT’S FAKE! but even there, jfc, it’s one of HIS PEOPLE. And even worse, omg, it’s like, part of his people sure, but he doesn’t even know WHO IT IS FROM. It could be his mother’s! it could be his best friend’s!! It could be anyone’s! anyone he had known! But he can’t know, he doesn’t know, it’s someone nameless, who has been objectified, and IT KILLS ME SO MUCH o(-( you have all the good reactions toward it dkjfhf

And ahh I feel you over everything!!! man this is such a good feeling in general jkhfdkjfhdf o(-(

for the training it didn’t bother me too much since well so far, they trained for a few months in heaven arena -the Hunter exams happened starting January the 1st, and the YN arc starts at  September the 1st, so the whole Heaven Arena arc happens during that meantime; which give them time to train, and even there Killua and Gon didn’t advance their Nen too far for now so kjfhdkjfh but I suppose if it comes back in many anime i can get why you’d feel lowkey annoyed by that!

Regardless!!!ma n I’m so happy you liked all the secondary characters so far ;;-;; and how invested you are in the kids and pika, it makes my heart melt, i love them so much i’m so glad ;;;

and omg the Hisoka’s reaction, it’s incredible :’D  I feel you tho omg. He’s lucky he’s well written or he’d belong to the trash.

bUT MAN I feel you for the Zoldyck too, that’s such a mess!! fdjhfkdjf

The YN arc is such a good arc to me o(-( and it’s so emotional and i’m so glad you’re enjoying it!!

and the Tonpa and Ging’s hate is A+++ thank u bless you :’D and I’m so glad you like Mito and gon’s relationship, they are so lovely and pure and I love how it all played out in the end, it makes my heart cry ;;-;; Gon you precious soul!!

When it comes to Leorio, boi, I’m so glad you like him despite everything!!  ye the gambling in the Prison exam is a little embarassing ;; Sadly, they removed a few Leorio centric scenes :/ Like, honestly, 2011′s adaptation is almost flawless, 9 times out of 10, it hits right where it shuld, it’s incredible, but it really did Leorio dirty!

Anyway I just wanted to make sure you knew about that, but there’s a few scenes so far that had been changed for you maybe if you’re curious but:

-Just, when Kurapika and Leorio fight on the Boat in the first episode and that the guy go overboard? In the anime, they made them both rush to catch him at the same time, while in the manga, Leorio rushes first to catch him which takes Kurapika aback - that’s one of the reason that leads Kurapika to then reconsider him

-The Zoldyck’s Door Challenge (read from here to when Canary appears), where basically Leorio was the most excited one about opening the doors, and Kurapika and Gon can individually open 1 Door of the Zoldyck House (so 2 tones) while Leorio can, alone, open 2 Doors of the Zoldyck House (so, 4 tones). For the record, Killua can open 4 doors, but that’s still quite a lot and the anime kinda neglected that to show Kurapika, Gon and Leorio open the door together?

-Also the end of the Arm Wrestling subplot in YorkNew (read from here to when they reach the underground arm wrestling context that ends up putting them on a hunt for the spiders), where basically when the mafia comes to their table, to ask them to join them in the underground, and they don’t want to fight them? In the manga, they request a arm wrestling context and Leorio decides to take it on and break the big guy from the mafia’s arm by doing so, he’s a good

-Also this scene had been deleted:

The only reason I was insisting for the liveblog was so I could warn you about those scenes because i’m a little bitter they didn’t make the cut! there are  still reading values to the manga I didn’t spoil tho if you’ll be interested later, but I think it’s worth knowing about. There’s just one big scene of Leorio remaining I’d like to warn you about when you’ll come to it dkjhfdf but ye :’D

 Hopefully it’ll make you appreciate Leorio a little more, I’m still a bit sad about it djkhfdf as I said otherwise, the anime is extremely faithful!

Also, I mentioned in my first post, I usually recommand reading Kurapika’s past before or during the YorkNew Arc if you want Even More Suffering, It’s just chapter 340.5 and 340.6, it was never put in the anime, and it honestly brings even more sadness to the YN arc if you ever feel like Suffering.

ANYWAY All to say I’m so so happy you like it so far and I’m so glad you got into it dkfjhdfkd i’m glad if my blogging could bring you interest to it and honestly? Your reactions are gold and I’m gonna cry over how perfect all of it is!

I hope you’ll have more fun as it comes!!! My inbox is still wide opened dfhdkfjhdf

Thank youu :D

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

10 Followers: Oh Boy O h  B o y

I uh. Guess this is where I gotta start doing celebratory things.

.

yep

SO YEAh, I don’t know how to do these big “Follower [insert word i really cant think of right now here] celebration.” To be honest, a lotta these things feel forced. And I’m not gonna drop on my knees and be like “you guys made me who i am today” because obviously thats such an exaggeration. So I guess I’ll just say

Thanks for reading my blog. It’s kinda fun knowing that people like reading what I have to say on this stuff, and definitely kinda keeps me motivated to continue making more *said the guy who takes week long breaks between posts sometimes*

Anyways. I don’t know if this warrants celebration or not, but FUDGE IT. FUDGE IT RIGHT TO HECC.

YOU KNOW WHAT? TAKE MY CELEBRATION. DO IT. TAKE ALL THE CELEBRATION I HAVE TO OFFER.

NO

FUCK THAT

THATS NOT ENOUGH

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME

IM NOT SOME DEMIGOD ARTIST CREATOR 

I ANALYZE SHIT

AND

I GUESS SOMETIMES MAKE MUSIC BUT IM KINDA PUTTING THAT ON HOLD RIGHT NOW

ILL ANALYZE 

ANALYZE ALL THE SHITS

ILL ANALYZE YOU

ILL ANALYZE HOW WEIRD IT IS THAT YOU GUYS LIKE READING SOME PANDA ASSHOLE GUSH OVER HIS FAVORITE CHARACTERS

FUCK

FUCK YOU

TAKE MY MONEY

ILL TAKE YOUR LIVES AND FILL THEM WITH CLEAR RATIONED ANALYSIS 

NO

NO

NO WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT

I DONT KNOW TAKE SOME BALLOONS

YEAH

YEAH

YOU LIKE THAT

YOU LIKE BALLOONS?

WELL GUESS WHAT

im tired.

really tired

god my sleeping schedules been so outta whack lately, and right now my mood literally changes at the snap of a goddamn finger

like

ready?

WATCH this

SNAp now im in a new mood

like

fucking whatever

im gonna upload this even though this is the dumbest post ive ever written

and um

yeah

celebration time i guess

im gonna go ahead and pump out as many posts as I can before I pass out from exhaustion. Unless you guys want something else?

Yeah. If anybody cares enough about celebrations, there’s probably a way to suggest things to me on this site.

anyways, imma gO get started

SEE 

YA

LATER

ALL

A

GATOR

[rexsilentium]

my url tho.

❚ : : — ♚ Send me a URL │ accepting

Do I Follow Them?: Why is this a question for you.Why Did I Follow Them?: I??? Honestly don’t remember??? *pulls old man’s glasses* ‘well you see way back when...’ lol jk but honestly itsacopycat what do you expect from me.  :DDo We Role Play?: oh hell yea. All the time BB.Do I Want To Role Play With Them: Of course ♥♥ All the time. All day every day. Just that I’m tired most of the time. XDAn AU Idea For Our Muses: Pulls out the good old book of AUs... Hmmmm.... oH I tink I got one. Course its a high school verse, but hey hey whats up alright? so anyway. She’s probably a new student right? I mean its not THAT new. but she comes like maybe at the start of sophomore year. She never went to his school as a freshman. But hey hey here she is. And maybe its like she’s a new kid on the block. But like... she kinda fits in. KINDA. Maybe there’s a rumour or two that spreads around that she’s kinda fake or something. IDK. But she’s actually genuinely struggling to keep friends. Mainly cause everybody has their cliques anyway, and who’s gonna let in the new kid. But then Here we are with nerdy ol’ Red. You see him sitting alone all the time during lunch. He’s either sticking his nose in some books or playing the piano or something. He’s in her classes, but you notice that he NEVER speaks out, and the teacher never calls on him. But he’s always paying attention. And with the kids that do talk to him, its like somewhat chill. He’s kind of a tutor, but its rather that he just shares his notes with other students. Anyway, maybe there’s something that goes around that like really puts her in a rut. And maybe one day she finds a small note for her at her desk. Who could it be from I wonder?? HMMM... well of course its from Red himself. but he doesn’t disclose that. But it is for her regardless because of the name on it. At first she probably doesn’t know. But whoever it is from, the note cheers her up. And then within those days, the notes keep appearing. At like the most random of places. They are somewhat hidden, but they are always at places she frequents. All of these notes are nothing THAT big to reveal who the writer is, but they tell little stories and talk about how beautiful she is and how she is worth so much to somebody and that no matter what she shouldn’t give up and yadda yaddda yadda.She decides to write back to the writer. Maybe they’ll reply back. And she puts it at a spot that the notes appear the most. And to her surprise, there is a note that is written back to her. So this goes on so quite some time. Meanwhile, She still struggles to keep up with friends, and she may or may not see the occasional Red just doing his own thing, but she probably notices that he writes a lot more than usually (compared to his normal reading or practising) And eventually maybe she figures out it is him, but she doesn’t say anything.  The two may catch each other’s eyes from time to time -- maybe he’ll flash a small and rare smile. But like.. it goes on for MONTHS.Cute, right? Doesn’t it make your heart gush? does it make you feel all warm and safe inside? Well, you better grab onto your heart REAL FAST cause this is where it takes a dark turn for the worse.ACCIDENTS HAPPEN YOU KNOW.One of them is in a bad car accident. The other is the one to find them and call for help. They are rushed to the hospital and taken under care, but they aren’t waking up. Oh shit a coma???? WELL DOESN’T THAT HURT OPPS MY BAD. Anyway, while the one who’s in a coma, the other comes to find out more about the accident -- seems like it wasn’t that much of an “accident”. foul play??? OH SHIT. But they find out that they could have prevented the accident somehow -- oh if only they stopped to talk to them for that one minute right? To make matters worse this only happens after the notes stop getting passed along.Now the muse that’s okay, is constantly going back to the hospital after school. A few things could happen.If Red is in the Coma: She probably talks to him a lot -- but he can hear her.. Though he cant do anything to respond back. If Copycat is in the Coma: He’s CONSTANTLY bringing flowers. He always sets up her room nice. There’s a PILE of written letters and shit on the table next to the bed. TADAH? Okay idk what else to write or say. sorry my bad.

A Song For Our Muses: IDK tbh any of her songs XDDo I Ship Our Muses?: Quietly whispers yes....What I Think About The Mun: fgsdk;hgdfjlh Gemi is the best gem-I-KNOW. lolololol see im so funny haha.... No but really. you are such a presh friend, and I care about you a lot. and I love you and you’re such a great person. I’m sorry im such a turd sometimes. But no really you make me feel better a lot and I really have to thank you for that. huggles you tightly. Gemi is such a gem. Anybody who hurts Gemi will feel the wrath of a dile because i love you so much.Overall Opinion: 10/10 would recommend to anybody. Also Copycat is gr8. yes. Much amazeBlog Rate: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 (x1000000)

[readfelice-blog]

moominland chronicles fünfzehn: felice vs the german health care system

Hello you, 

It’s 4am on Friday morning, I’m lying in bed with one of my 3 flowered ikea lamps burning away, holding my cuddly pig tight to my chest whilst I tap out this blog on my iphone, balanced on a pillow.

I cant sleep.

I’m going to get a taxi to hospital in 5 hours.

Before we start all that please administer any of the below music to yourself as an accompaniment, I’ve been dipping my toes into the clear water of pop shoals this week, I might be the last person to have listened to blond (an article in vice insisted upon me lining it up on my google play - still no cd player, I know):

Frank ocean

Nikes (song, always a fan of a big opener on an album)

https://vimeo.com/179791907?ref=em-share

Blond (album, yes you've probably heard it already)

https://www.discogs.com/Frank-Ocean-Blond/master/1046042

I'm also late on the train for Mitski I’m sure, but the words, restrain in her voice and divergent harmonies (discordant, is that better?) are searing through me, might listen again in the hospital tomorrow.

Though perhaps as she grows older she wont long for that kiss quite as much as she does now, because prince charming will never save her really (though she does acknowledge that from time to time on this album)

Mitski

A horse named cold air (song)

https://youtu.be/ce3m-o1pZqY

Be the cowboy (Album)

https://mitski.bandcamp.com/album/be-the-cowboy

And just this one song, which kind of speaks frankly from my heart a little, or at least I sympathise with, though in a fuller sense my situation is very different and it’s only my little brain that identifies with the lyrics.

SZA: the weekend

https://youtu.be/PALMMqZLAQk

So then.. youre suited and booted musically, lets press on shall we? After all I mentioned hospital, it would be cruel just to taper off now.

Heres my small brain again:

Fuck the fucking german health system, fuck all those uptight bigoted cunts that put the phone down on me this week, fuck my insurance for charging me since july and slyly adding it to my bill, fuck the man at the tk queue yesterday who aggressively shouted at me for talking on the phone with my sister, about my illness, at the first opportunity that day after a very strange experience with the gynaecologist.

Ok, 

I’m breathing, my small brain is retracting, lets continue a bit less aggressively now.

Health health health, we’re jumping back on the theme from last week, because sometimes illness doesn't go away, and as this blog is my warts and all document of the weird happenings of my life, I am going to be very very open about whats happening to me this week.

So I’m bleeding, like all pre menopausal women do who dont take contraception that inhibits it, thats what was happening in Paris, thats what has been happening for 3 weeks.

I’ve been bleeding for 3 weeks, yes.

I had really bad period pains last time round, which is unusual for me these days, I took buscopan plus, i soldiered on, then it stopped for a week, then it returned, light some days, heavier seemingly at the weekends. I pigheadedly pushed through physically exhausting weeks of cleaning, travelling, working, I’m a freelance cleaner, I don't get sick pay or holiday pay, I have to work or I can't pay rent.

I wrote a blog about it last weekend. But that was just before the blood clots starting coming, when the first one fell out it plopped in the toilet, I was so shocked I fished it out and curiously studied it (warts and all, I’m sick of skirting the weirdness in my life: its there: get used to it). I thought it was a dead baby, it was monstrous and displayed a horrid kind of plasticity as it eerily shifted round the jar in my hand I was gently coercing. It was an alien, more like rosemary's baby than my cherub cheeked nephew.

That was MONDAY.

I thought, ok the babies fallen out, now it’ll surely stop.

On sunday the bear got in touch, he'd been trying to phone, he was annoyed he couldn't get in contact, he was horny. I told him I was still bleeding, he insisted I go to the doctors, in his very forthright way, he sent me money to go even: because i was clueless about my insurance at that point. I knew i’d been getting letters I couldn't read from tk (die teckniker, german health insurance provider)  for months, since I stopped working at the hostel, but I’d just carefully ignored them.

I didn't have the money to pay for health insurance.

I botched my first attempt to see a gynaecologist, I made an appointment online but the transfer the bear made was not in my bank so he asked me to phone them and check payment methods. When I did the receptionist point blank refused to speak English to me, my quandary was simply, “Do I need cash today?” But she was haughty and unsympathetic, another colleague took the phone, who even through garbled understanding felt kinder but it soon transpired that my appointment was for November 1st not October 1st.

“Im very ill i dont think I can wait that long.”

I phoned Meoclinic to be told by a woman with razors in her voice who suddenly became sickeningly sweet after she’d told me it was €400 just to see someone. I felt like the pleasure she was deriving from me tripping over my words and despairingly saying that was to much money for me, was enough for her to take home and masturbate over later, in her silky agent provocateur corset, on silk sheets, with a flute of champagne on the bedside table.

I gave up for the day and decided that tomorrow I’d go to the doctors I went to for my sti test a few months ago, they were very nice. They spoke english, they had open appointments the next day at 18h.

TUESDAY

More clots started coming, big, gloopy, just pouring out of me, they were announced by a tirade of blood, I was soaking through organic pads at an alarming rate.

So that wasn't the baby on Monday then.

I went to clean first, I cant afford to not clean for reasons stated above, at an office where the woman who employs me talks to me through gritted teeth as if our every interaction is painful to her.

Lowly pauper girl, know your place.

Anyway due to logistical issues she had probably not envisaged, I didn't do the whole job and left early. I walked out on to the money lined streets of Uhlandstrasse, Cara Delevine’s svelte androgynous eyes staring out at me from various glass paned monoliths, and sat on a moth eaten bench, very upset from the shift, feeling utterly worthless, responsible and at fault, bleeding.

Then I had a cigarette, collected myself and went to tk: Round 1.

I waited, gushing out blood, in line for 25 minutes to see the receptionist, then a further 10/15 to see the sales girl. I dont have to pay them straight away but when november comes I will have to pay them 720+€ , plus from then on 180€ a month, from an average wage of 800€.

In retrospect I was probably fully within my right to protest starting the contract from July 1st, but I was so grateful for someone health related to be talking to me in English and perhaps it will stand in my favour now the hospital bills will be tallying up.

I left with no card or proof of insurance.

I went home, lay down, then showered, laced my trainers and went back into the world depleted, to Mehringdam to see the emergency doctors, it was raining heavily outside.

They were different this time, I had no proof of insurance but I had the bears money so I was paying cash, I waited dutifully and wrote in my diary.

It was a different female doctor, a more boxy and less vital woman than the previous medic I’d met at the same clinic. About halfway into my bloody tale of woe she stopped me panic stricken.

“You know this is a doctors surgery, you have to go to a gynaecologist.”

“Ok, so you cant help me.” - i start putting my coat back on.

A pause.

“Can you at least refer me to one? I’ve had a hard time trying to find a gynaecologist, I can't really speak German, people have been very rude to me so far, I came back here because I remember people were kind and tried to help me, even though I wasn't sure it was the right place.”

We go out to reception where I stand in front of 2 receptionists who speak in German and totally ignore me, the doctor hands me some measly bits of paper with contact details printed on them and hurries away. Shaken from my bloody tale of woe I imagine she just sits in her office for 10 minutes alone obsessively sterilising her hands and shuddering.

I continue to look at the 2 women in front of me who carry on as if I am invisible for a further 5 minutes, I tell them I’m going to the toilet and then coming back, they brush me off. More blood pours out of me. I return and finally they allow me to pay them, I plod back out into the rain and miserably wait for a bus, head home via the shops and climb back into bed.

WEDNESDAY

Is a national holiday, so I can't sort anything, my client offers me the day off, I take it. I make 9 drawings for my project, bounce the rough edit of the album I’m working on, pull myself to the dance studio I’ve started to rent to practise my live show. Have a long overdue singsong, though I can't really dance i can still sing.

Sunday edit: I’ve since missed 2 bookings at the studio because of this infernal bleeding, hope I can go back soon, it was utterly riveting to finally find a place I could sing as loudly as I wanted.

It's a glorious day even though blood still rains, I’m not cleaning, I’m doing what i really want to do.

THURSDAY

I need to be at my clients early, but I go via the apotheke on the way, there a pharmacist advises me on the best way to take iron and vitamin supplements, sells me ibuprofen and alerts me to the gynaecologist upstairs, but she’s only open till 13h, my job is supposed to finish at that time.

I hum and haa as I hobble to my clients and when I get there decide to finish the job early and see if I can get an appointment.

On the way into the building there's a system of doors, I enter alongside an elderly gentleman with a walking stick and we have quite the time not understanding each other, me holding doors for him, him very jovially propping them open with his stick. I have no idea what’s being said but something tender and wonderful is occurring between us that puts a lightness back in my step.

This reception is slick and clean, the receptionist is neat and elegant. But the doctor isn’t there. They wouldn’t accept my tk insurance anyway, they’re going on holiday till November.

Ok,

I leave and just flop down on the street outside, I’m supposed to be doing a double clean today but I have a 2 hour window before my next job, which is only a 15 minute walk away. I’m getting closer to seeing someone. Still crouched down on the street, still bleeding, I dig out the contacts handed to me, one is for a doctors I’ve called before. I call 2 numbers from the 4 sheets I have, both go through to hard voiced women who utterly refuse to attempt to speak English to me and relish the goodbyes they bestow before they coldly put the phone down. To the second one I say in English:

“I’m really sick, but if I don’t speak German I am just going to continue to be sick, is that what you’re telling me?”

I found a list on google, theres a male gynaecologist just up the road, a man rummaging in my lady bits is a bit disconcerting but truly I’m beyond pride now.

This reception is more modest, I place my cleaning bucket on the floor and then just start with

“I’m losing a lot of blood, can you please help me.”

He’s in.

These receptionists are gorgeous humans, they speak to me in broken English, they’re shocked I’ve been bleeding for 3 weeks, yes he will see me, please take a seat.

He’s a big warm man with no sexual energy, I tell him everything, I feel so grateful just to be able to see him that I’m bowing as I say thank you. I get sent to a little room, remove my trousers and knickers, get let into another room, climb on the chair, he inserts the spy camera dildo (ultrasound) device inside me, then on the screen we look at a ball like thing inside my womb.

Hes glowing when he tells me its probably a very early pregnancy, he’s so excited, though it’ll most likely be a miscarriage, but he paints a future where my little fetus determinedly survives the bloodletting and in 9 months time arrives in my life.

I cover everything in blood, which freaks him out.  

“You’re really bleeding a lot.”

He gives me the ultrasound photo, then after some confusion I go to the nurses and deposit a urine sample on the counter of another room.

“Thank you so much for seeing me.”

“Of course: you have been bleeding for 3 weeks.”

As I wait in the reception for the test results a new future, inconceivable before this point, rolls out before me, where I have the baby and take the government stipend to look after it as a single mother, I thought I didn’t want kids but something seems so precious about this vision. It’ll just be me and my little ball of love, together in some warm cosy flat in Prenzlauer Berg, surrounded by all the other Berlin mothers.

The test is negative, a jolt of dismay passes through me, the vision is shattered, I have to go to the hospital he says. They give me the bill, without proof of insurance I pay in cash, thanking the bear silently. He also tells me to go to my insurance and get a letter, because the hospital will really cost a lot.

So I go home, breathe and collect myself, go back out. Spend over an hour wandering around looking for a photo kiosk for my insurance card (not blind> I’m using google maps to try locate one), finally I find it nestled into a dark part of the s bahn station, it costs double what the machine costs but I just eat the charge, earlier I’d spend 30 minutes wandering around the crossroads outside Leopaldplatz: the fotofix on the map was apparently invisible, I need a picture. I then wait for another 30 minutes to have my photo taken.

When I get to the u bahn where tk is there is a fotofix booth right there, to my left as I walk out of the station, I really hold myself back from screaming and kicking over all the chairs arranged outside the cafe before me. I finally manage to call my sister and it's a glorious funny loving chat, cut short by the aforementioned man in the tk queue.

I tell him in english which he insists he doesn't understand, that I am having the day from hell and that was the first time I’ve managed to speak to that person, he abuses me again in German but then stands very far away from me, the shame weaving around him, I curse him, but its a little thing, just that I hope he gets eaten by spider babies.

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

I retrieve my letter from the receptionist, the same sales woman I spoke to on Tuesday who doesn’t recognise me at all.

It’s getting late in the day, I call back my sister and head to Charite Campus Mitte, as I get there it dawns on me this is where I was an extra on an art video shoot around 3 weeks ago.

There is no discernable entrance, it seems mostly deserted. I travel up in a lift towards the gynakolgie department, but when I exit the skybent box that is my vehicle there is no clear signage towards it, just a door to an emergency exit staircase, wind billowing behind it, with a note in fluoro yellow fixed on its metallic facade and a bridge / corridor leading to empty waiting rooms.

I give up, decide I’ll go to the address given to me by the doctors tomorrow. I’ll go home and sleep now.

Home, I eat then I crash, I get into bed at 19h, I’m still here its now 6am and I’ll try sleep a bit more before I get a taxi at 9am.

I’m scared

It’s like some sick version of the night before christmas, black humour and absurdity have been welcome companions but armour fades in bed, so writing this in the knowledge I will share it with the online community has been the only thing I can do to douse the fear.

I’ll probably have to beg receptionists later but I just hope I get to someone who can start to mend me, because the blood is still coming, for the first time since it started it stained my sheets last night but I’ve wiped them down a little.

Sunday edit: the sheets are now in the wash.

Saturday edit: they did see me, I’m having an operation on monday at 9:30, the saga continues because I have to rush back to the gynaecologists first on monday to get a note so I can be operated on : as by the time I got out of hospital on friday the gynaecologists surgery was closed and nothing is open on the weekends.

And on the anaesthetists form where it asked me who would be collecting me or looking after me for 24 hours after the procedure I stubbornly wrote noone. Though my mentor will be around as I swallowed my pride and asked her.

And, of course, I just expect more bullshit: that was my dads very astute advice:

“Expect more bullshit Felice.”

So then, yes I should speak German, yes I should of sorted my insurance, yes I’ve been irresponsible.

Saturday edit: I’ve been utterly irresponsible and disrespectful to the country I live in, I MUST learn German and make more of an effort to learn their culture, right now I’m truly an idiot abroad.

I might cancel all my jobs next week as well if I’m really sick, I might not be able to go to Krakow and watch Eartheater,

Saturday edit: All my jobs are cancelled, one of the days next week is my birthday, which I’d scheduled a double clean on so perhaps it’s not all bad.

But I’m not going to see Eartheater, if you’ve heard irisiri though ( LISTEN TO IT, I IMPLORE YOU, MORE THAN ONCE, on the first listen it’s quite harsh: https://alexdrewchin.bandcamp.com/releases) then you’ll immediately understand that not going to her show because I’m having my uterus forcibly wedged open and something cut out of it, is utterly appropriate, it’s like missing formula one because you got hit by a ferrari.

I hope I’ll be better by turin.

Saturday edit: very much.

I will still finish this project whatever happens.

Saturday edit: Now I have a week off it should help.

But I’m not 100% sure how I will make ends meet this month.

Saturday edit: Perhaps the polyp they cut out of me on monday is really an alien and I get paid hush money not to leak the story to the press.

I really miss the nhs, its a big soft Pugsy bear I just want to hug and hold and thank for everything it’s done for me over the years.

The german health system is an amalgamation of all these callous female receptionists, ignoring you and filing their niles whilst you just bleed out in front of them.

But still, I’m stubborn, its a test and i will overcome it whatever it is. I am not leaving berlin, I am standing taller, stronger and more powerful than before. I’ve experienced completely new angles and feelings this week, it’s been abhorrent but kind of sickly enjoyable as well. Life is always entertaining as it energetically throws its bounty of strangeness, cruelty and beauty (etc) at you.

It’s all good fun, even the dark days.

I’m going to try get a bit of shut eye now, might move my alarm back a little see if I can get 2 hours before i wake up to get a taxi.

Take care everyone, if you made it to the end then I guess thank you for reading as well, it’s a long fraught one this week eh?