#anyway i have to fucking sleep but I HAD to make this

[elliee3e]

light size kink & age play w logan because i’m feeling absolutely depraved today</3

like, jesus FUCK this gif. oh my lord, i need him to throw me onto his bed and ravage me right now please !!!

content warnings ;

age play, size kink/difference, reader’s described as very small, innocence kink, light sub/dom themes, mentions of piv, creampies, tummy/dick bulge (i couldn’t help myself)

author’s note ;

also in the process of making an old man logan drabble !! hopefully i’ll try to post it later tonight, but if not it’ll definitely be out before monday — bare with me y’all…

oh, logan is an absolute sucker for size and age differences.

logan, who by now was used to sleeping with people of course younger than him — he knew how big he was compared to them, and knew he was pretty big just in general and everywhere.

but you, oh baby. you could barely take his dick without having a bulge at least somewhere in your little body, right from where the thick head of it sat, stretching whichever hole he was fucking, making it his.

something about the way you were also just so needy for his attention. you needed him for everything, even for things as simple as tying your shoes or fixing your outfit. logan would never forget the moment you came out of the shared bathroom in your guys’ room, wearing a small little baby pink dress that barely reached the smooth, soft skin of your little mid-thighs, as you held up a pair of white stockings for him to put on for you.

he knew you enjoyed it far too much. enjoyed the way he would sigh, patting his lap invitingly for you to come over.

“pretty dress for a pretty princess, hm?” he would hum gruffly, but the tone of appreciation and approval still stuck out as he started stretching the stockings out a little with his big hands. big rough hands you wanted all over your body, squeezing and kneading at your supple flesh. your heart would flutter at the words, making you nod and bite your lip, a sentence you tried to keep inside ending up out anyway. “bought it for you..” you would mumble softly, voice slightly ashamed, feeling as his hands started to stretch the stocking over your pretty legs.

and oh, he loved your legs so much. he loved the feel of that smooth, soft skin underneath his roughed up hands when he would run them over your skin, or even when he would press little kisses to your ankle when he would do up your heels, scruff rubbing against your sensitive flesh. it felt so wrong but so right. so taboo to have such a bigger, older man like logan — a man who had been around for centuries longer than you had, who knew exactly what to do to please a woman, you being no different.

and he loved your body head to toe. in his eyes, you were the most gorgeous girl ever. his gorgeous girl, and he would do anything to make sure you knew that.

“yeah? bought it for me, that right, baby?” he asked, a low chuckle coming from his throat at your words, a sound that made your stomach flutter with warmth — and logan seemed to know, as his free hand ran up and over your little stomach: his big palm splaying across it and covering more than half of you there. where he had filled you up with his cum merely a few hours ago. your stomach, that everytime he pounded into you, felt like he was carving a spot just for his dick — your tight heat struggling to even take all of him at times, but it was always worth it to feel that warm heat pour into your sweet pussy, filling you up to every brim. it was enough to make you weak, but after all — you were always weak for logan.

[truelovepolinator]

Nicola and Luke are ABSOLUTELY TOGETHER and have been all along and here’s how I know

(Friends, I’ve just finished this and it is INSANELY LONG. Like, two looong book chapters long. But I PROMISE it’s worth it. I was gonna cut it into multiple parts to make it more readable, but I’m going to be super busy over the next few days, so I wouldn’t have a chance to post subsequent parts until probably Christmas, so I’ve decided to drop it all now so I don’t delay the final victorious conclusion. Sorry, it’s so long, but I don’t really have time to rethink it and try to tell the story in a more concise way. Again, I think you’ll be glad you stuck with it if you want to feel as thoroughly confident as I am that Nic and Luke are absolutely together.)

(Also, I have to run now, but I'll come back to add relevant photos/videos as time allows. But I'm sure you're all familiar with them anyway.)

So I want to start by saying something I’m sure I’ll repeat. This is, of course, just my opinion and supposition based on the evidence available to me. But I also want to say, I am absolutely, positively sure now in a way I have never been. Genuinely not a doubt in my mind, and I think you’ll agree by the end of this.

It’s also worth noting that this may be nothing new to some of you. I’ve only been on this platform for a week and have barely scratched the surface of the great content here. So this is how *I* came to the final, joyful conclusion that everything is right with the world where lukola is concerned. I had long been sure they belonged together, but was afraid to embrace the theories about them actually being together now for fear of heartbreak, plus all the confusing signals about A & J, etc.

But all that changed a couple nights ago when I finally got the last piece of the puzzle I needed to see the big picture. There were just too many things that didn’t make sense, until they did! I literally couldn’t sleep that night (seriously only got about 2 hours) and then spent next day telling my husband the story for hours (in 20-30 minute increments as he could spare them during his slow, Christmas time work day).

My husband has been a patient, long-suffering skeptic through all of this. He’s put up with my rants and constant videos I just had to share, but he’s been completely convinced from day one that they simply leaned into their friendship to turn on faux relationship vibes for PR. He was absolutely sure it was all just make-believe for the fans. No matter what I showed him, he could not be convinced.

Until yesterday. Yes, I convinced the toughest skeptic in town.

I think it’s important to start with my journey into the Lukola fandom for context. I was a casual Bridgerton watcher until this season, and had never read the books. I liked season 1, I loved season 2, and I was looking forward to watching season 3.

I had planned to wait to watch the first 4 until the second half was about to launch (so I wouldn’t have to wait for more), but I realized after about a week that we needed to watch it immediately before everything was completely spoiled by timeline gifs and clips.

Needless to say, I was beyond hooked. Instantly. Season 3 was another level for all the reasons you all know. Finally I could engage safely with the fandom, but the process from occasional Polin/Lukola content to nonstop immersion took some time. So even following the second half, there was a TON of footage I hadn’t seen.

All of this to say, I basically missed all of the World Tour stuff as it was happening, and it took well into the summer to finally see so many amazing clips and edits that I was absolutely fucking sucked into the lukola wormhole. However, I was well behind many of you on the curve, and even to this day, I’m still catching up on things.

But by late summer, I was all in. I was sailing high on USS Lukola (or I suppose that should be the HMS Lukola!) because I saw exactly what you all saw. This was clearly real, their feelings were indisputable, and everything about their behavior and much of what they said was so far beyond PR, even “faking couplehood” PR.

They were real. Even if he had this dumb girlfriend. (I say that only in the good-natured, abstract sense that I wanted him with Nic, not in a personal “actually about her” sense. In fact, I’ve never said anything hateful about either A or J and I hope I never will.)

WHY AREN’T THEY TOGETHER???

I couldn’t resist the mystery.

It drove me absolutely crazy for months trying to understand why they weren’t together. Nothing made sense, but I mentally explored literally every possibility. They’re afraid of ruining their friendship? They’re afraid of disrupting the production if it goes wrong? These possibilities at least made some kind of sense and seemed to be the only explanations I could find. But in my mind, they weren’t good enough reasons to resist what these two so obviously had. Still, I’m not them, so that was easy for me to say. I had nothing to risk in this.

One or both of them is/are secretly gay? Soulmate besties instead of soulmate lovers? I didn’t think this was the case and nothing made me believe this. Yet, I was attempting to allow for every possibility. Still, with Nicola being the super vocal “gay icon” that she is, it was hard to imagine she wouldn’t live out and proud if that was the case. And apparently she lived with an unknown man for two years. Though she does always keep her private (romantic) life super private, so I suppose who knows? And, of course, Luke had two very public past relationships with women, but again, who knows, I suppose? This option doesn’t ring true at all, but it does exist in the universe of possible explanations for this inexplicable situation.

They love each other in a soulmate way, but somehow one of them just isn’t “attracted” to the other? Certainly, if the stories about Antonia were true, that might suggest that Luke might be attracted to an entirely different physical type than Nicola. But that didn’t ring true either because LOOK AT THEM TOGETHER! He can’t take his eyes off of her, let alone his hands. And the same for her. They are magnetized to each other. If that’s not attraction, what is?

One of them has baggage and isn’t ready for a real, serious relationship? This one seemed possible. People can have hang-ups or wounds for all sorts of reasons, and letting someone in – especially someone who might actually be your soulmate – can be terrifying. Self-protection by avoiding relationships and/or distracting yourself with less meaningful relationships is a natural way of coping with baggage. Yes, maybe this one? Neither of them seems obviously wounded, but what would I know? Most people don’t wear their wounds on their sleeves, least of all during a PR tour. Still, the energy flow between them seemed anything but wounded. It seemed like the healthiest, happiest thing in the world.

People kept saying, they’re blind and they don’t see it yet. But I don’t believe anyone can be that blind. Especially after watching all the countless edits and clips of their tour, which we know they did because Nicola is chronically online and sharing with Luke the best of it all (and sneaky Luke is likely lurking also).

So at the end of the day, I had no good explanation. It just kept not making sense.

Then those music festival photos of Nic and Jake (I’ll abbreviate sometimes for ease, but I do say their names) showed up. The fandom erupted into chaos with full reactions across the spectrum including a bizarre, almost immediate burst of (not yet named) jakolas, which felt like a disproportionate response to a few photos.

Admittedly, those photos did look quite friendly, and touchy, and yes, they stood arm-in-arm. But lots of friends stand like that at concerts. And Nic is known to be touchy-feely, so let’s not go overboard, I thought. However, I did acknowledge (in my head, I didn’t weigh in online at all) that it suggested that it COULD be romantic. I opted not to freak out, because either way, Nic’s love life is her own and I want her to be happy.

And it’s worth saying here that both of their private lives are none of my business, none of any of our business, and even writing this is completely at odds with that truth. I acknowledge that. But what I told myself, and actually meant it, was that I was going to stay out of it unless and until NicLuke got together. That was the only place I would invest my energy since they’ve both said they think it’s sweet that fans ship them. If they dated others, good luck to them. Be happy. But when the time comes…

Yes, friends, the time has come!!! But back to my story.

Note that (because again, I was still catching up), I hadn’t yet seen the swimming in Sorrento photos and had missed that piece of the puzzle at that point. Throughout this time, I’d see people refer to things on Twitter like everyone already knew what they were talking about, but hardly anyone ever took the time to explain. So I got lots of glimmers of things that others felt were notable, without actually knowing any details. Those pictures were an example. Another was the Claddagh ring.

I’m very grateful to some amazing deep dive blog entries by @threeacttragedy that explained the ring, “Bless the Telephone,” and other meaty, important history that I’d previously only heard mentioned in passing. In fact, one of her blogs is what first brought me here by referral from Twitter. And if you don’t follow her, you should!

In the past week, as I started reading blogs that broke down past dates and clues, I finally started looking them up one by one and trying to put the pieces together in my head. I’d seen the swimming photos by then, but I revisited them. I dug in to try to understand the references to a “New Year kiss” from the night the friend group (Rory, etc.) posted photos together from a Soho House party. I reviewed Hot Boy Summer, I rewatched the incredibly emotional video of Luke meeting Nicola’s mom, I looked at photos of the Claddagh ring and went to Chupi’s website. I learned about the LA photos from April, both Antonia’s version and the InStyle Polaroids. I reviewed all the photos of Luke and Antonia that I could find. And I reviewed all the photos and videos of Nic and Jake that I could find. Also, I listened to “Bless the Telephone” about one hundred times. Lol.

Regarding Luke and Antonia, I had the same response in this deep dive I’ve had every time. Weird. I mean, if I didn’t feel so strongly that Luke was in love with Nicola, and if I knew nothing about him except he was some hot actor, could I see him dating someone like A? Sure. But the fact that there are almost no pictures of them posing together, alone like a couple, is weird. Even if it’s super casual and she was just his date to some stuff. The fact that Luke looks grumpy in both sets of pap photos (premiere night and swimming in Sorrento), but A is smiling happily in at least one of the premiere night photos is weird. The fact that after the Sorrento pap photos, Luke seems to leave his friend group to come home early, and then stops liking any of his best friend Rory’s photos from there on, weird.

The fact that in the fall, she posts pictures harkening back to a place and time they were apparently together, but without any actual photos together, weird. And the continual drip, drip of Likes from Luke is weird. And then when a photo of Luke in a restaurant in Rome is posted by the restaurant, she immediately follows with a video story of someone making pasta in the same restaurant, weird.

Perhaps weirdest of all, the fact that she pre-posted the LA pictures, and then he gave other versions of the same shots to InStyle. Especially the switching seats thing. If my husband and I were taking pics of each other at a café, I’d take his picture in front of the traffic, and he’d take my picture in front of the restaurant, because that’s where we’d be sitting. Across from each other. So why switch seats to take the photos? It’s not like that street with traffic was such a fantastic backdrop that we’d each need our turn with that shot? And they’re the same, with the same table number, but different. Sure, traffic moves, but weird coincidence that they each had a white truck, but a DIFFERENT white truck. So, like I said, weird. Always implying they were together, but never actually saying/showing it. Weird.

I read all sorts of theories from pragmatic (we just have to accept that they’re dating) to hateful (they’re not together/never were, but she’s obsessed and keeps inserting herself in a pathetic, desperate plea for attention and followers) to seemingly far-fetched (some sort of NDA that means for some reason Luke is obligated to Like her photos). Only the first of these seemed plausible. I maybe didn’t like it (not maybe, I didn’t like it at all), but I thought, “Yes, I guess we just have to accept that they’re probably together until they tell us otherwise.”

(Though I held out a small sliver of “but we don’t know anything for sure until L and/or N tell us themselves” hope, which remains true even as I write this.)

Now, let’s talk about Nic and Jake. First, there were those shots from the concert (discussed above). Then, I believe, were the NYC shots (if I’m not confusing the order). In the NYC shots, they were both there, but they weren’t especially intimate in any interpersonal sense. Then, the pap shots on the street posted on DM, ostensibly catching them walking home together, holding hands and arm-in-arm after a night at the pub. With those photos came an onslaught of fandom fury and gossip site reporting about how “Nicola Coughlan confirms her relationship…” Same story runs across a bunch of trashy sites, all saying the same thing and citing an unnamed source talking about how besotted they were, or whatever the quote was.

Admittedly, I was among the furious fans. Not because of what the pictures showed. Again, I was trying to be serene and Zen about them and their private lives. I believed with all my heart that NicLuke belonged together, but if now wasn’t their time, I’d have to wait. I didn’t love that I’d heard he was only 24, but I was trying to balance my efforts to be a non-judgmental person with my discomfort over that issue and reminding myself that her choices are none of my business (unless she chooses Luke!).

So I did my best to refrain from judgment, even as I saw the fandom erupt into toxic madness about whether it was true, whether he was gay, whether the age gap was wrong, whether DM lied about the date, and if they did (which they did), why? But I figured, unless the photos were very, very old, things weren’t likely to have changed in their relationship over a couple weeks, so I wasn’t overly concerned about the date.

However, I was angry about all these stories (basically the same story across the board) announcing that she’d “CONFIRMED” the relationship. It made me very angry that they said she confirmed something when she’d done nothing of the sort. I wasn’t prepared to argue that she wasn’t dating Jake at that point, but why would they all run this story, with this headline, when what actually happened was a paparazzi photographer snapped shots and sold them, then the media drew conclusions from what they saw.

Nicola never confirmed a damn thing. So why were they running this headline so universally?

I was also angry that the photos existed at all. Photos in her neighborhood could reveal her location and put her safety at risk. Also, how did they happen to be there to take those photos late one specific night? Felt like they must have received a tip. But I moved on and forgot about that part.

Time went on and I saw more and more discussion of Jake’s sexuality. I don’t really want to get into that here because I don’t really feel comfortable speculating about anyone unless they choose to explicitly come out, but I did finally start poking around his page, Douglas’s page, etc. and began to understand why people were saying what they were saying. However, I reminded myself that bi/pan-sexuality exists and I wasn’t willing to partake in bi-erasure, so I held my tongue and kept watching.

Now, at this point, I want to remind us all that Nic has always been extremely private and uttered nary a peep in public about her romantic/sexual life. And fair enough. It’s none of our damn business. Also, she’s talked extensively about how women are not just men’s girlfriends and her feminist take on many things and how it doesn’t feel nice to know that people are more interested in her love life than her work. She’s worked freaking hard to achieve the success she’s now enjoying, and she certainly should not be reduced to a woman in a relationship. No matter who is on the other end of that relationship.

(Again here, I feel the need to acknowledge my hypocrisy in writing this, but I really do genuinely love Nic’s work and spirit and activism, etc. as well.)

So, in light of her position on all of that, we wouldn’t expect her to go public with a new love interest. The fact that she was papped with this guy (if indeed he was a love interest) was just an indication of how much her celebrity and profile have grown. There’s greater interest now and she’s more recognizable now, so it’s to be expected that she’d have a harder time keeping her love life private now than in the past. Not so strange then, that she got caught a couple times in paparazzi photos at this point.

However, would she really then go public with that guy? That would mark a radical change in her behavior just when you’d think she’d want to be the most private because the glare of the spotlight is brighter than ever. Still, she allowed a public photo with him, Camilla, and Evan Ross Katz to go out shortly thereafter. If one believed they were dating, that could certainly be interpreted as a launch. Yet, as I said, would she really do that if she were dating him?

Then he started popping up everywhere. I won’t get the chronology here right because I don’t want to research the dates right now, but there was the Charlie xcx concert, in which she appeared with Jake and Dylan, who is out and proud. The Queer premiere where he was just caught in the background of a fan photo. The simultaneously released photos from the red and gold restaurant (with a mysterious third person taking the photos). There was the apparently brunch-time photo of her with Jake and two others, taken by Dylan. And most recently, Louisa’s photo with Jake and Douglas (who is also openly gay and close friends, if not more, with Jake).

I’m not mentioning all the players in all of these because it’s not critical to the story, and I may be forgetting some photos, but there is a point to all of this. First, there’s potentially a notable shift in what she’s allowing to be shared here. Again, historically, she’s never shared anything about her love life. Suddenly, she’s letting him be photographed everywhere. Also, at most of these events, there were other queer participants and/or queer content (the movie premiere).

And while she’s never allowed her romantic life to be shared, you know what she has often shared? Photos with all of her platonic friends, including her huge friend group of many, many gay men. So this trend in what she’s allowing to be shared suggests that she’s telling a story and clarifying Jake’s role in her life.

But then there’s that one mystery release, the simultaneously timed restaurant photo drops. Clearly coordinated, clearly indicating they were there together. No indication about the third party. Why? Just enough to hint that there might be something going on, and to continue wreaking havoc in the fandom.

Because remember that toxic fandom bickering over all of this? The jakolas swearing they’re in love and soon to be engaged and furious at the lukolas for “being blind and refusing to accept the truth and it’s so disrespectful to Nic ('who you claim to love') by disregarding her feelings and treating the love of her life so badly. They keep showing you they’re in love and you won’t listen!” Etc., etc.

Meanwhile, the lukolas fall into a couple camps. By this point, most have decided Nic and Jake aren’t dating, but some remain circumspect. Some scream back at the jakolas, ostensibly in defense of Jake, saying very similar things about “Jake and his friends are doing everything in their power to show you the truth and you refuse to see it.” And a variety of other responses. Everyone’s mad at everyone.

And all of it, every bit of it, keeps us ALL talking about Nicola Coughlan and Luke Newton. Nonstop, every day.

Now, we are nearing the big mic drop of all of this, and I want to say at this point that we need to remember that Nic and Luke are HUMAN BEINGS who have a right to privacy. And they are celebrities living in a world that has an intense interest in their love lives. And sometimes, we might not feel good about the measures they must take to protect their privacy. We might hate those measures. We might feel manipulated, and we are. But if we love and respect them as much as I hope we all do, we can also understand and forgive them for taking such measures.

A quick review of important factors in all of this:

THINGS THAT TELL US IT’S REAL

The Galway trip and that very emotional introduction to Nic’s mom, which looked for all the world like a woman meeting her future son-in-law

The Claddagh ring and how she’s been wearing it

The things reporters, cast, and crew have said in passing and/or posted, not to mention recent open shipping from Ryan Wheeler and Shondaland’s IG

Everything we saw with our own eyes on the world tour, not to mention everything we’ve seen in the BTS

Little droplets of NicLuke over the recent months like Bless the Telephone and (not yet mentioned above) the S4 selfie and the photo of them in costume that Nic said she thought she’d shared, but now it’s ours (while she hasn’t posted any Jake)

The absolute consistency of all of this as a story that makes sense

THINGS THAT MAKE US DOUBT IT’S REAL AND/OR KEEP US GUESSING AND DISCUSSING

The premiere night pap photos (and though I didn’t mention it earlier, the fact that Nic went home that night so she wasn’t around for A’s attendance)

The friend group photos at Soho House with Luke, A and others

The weird LA InStyle photos

The Sorrento swimming photos

The multiple sets of pap photos of Nic and Jake, including grainy night-time neighborhood photos (with a woman walking a dog in the background)

The way every gossip news outlet ran the same “Nicola confirmed her relationship” story with the same headline and the same anonymous quote

The weirdly devoted, intensely defensive jakolas/Jake stans that seem to care about nothing but Jake/jakola out of nowhere and love screaming at and stirring up shit with lukolas

The chaos and constant discussion of all of this over the past 6+ months

The absolute inconsistency of any of this with anything in the top group

So, this mystery just gets deeper and deeper, and none of it makes sense. Every time I’d try to accept that they were just seeing these other people, something would bump in my head. There were just too many weird things that didn’t quite make sense and the biggest, weirdest one of them all was that NICOLA AND LUKE ARE CLEARLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER.

So while the pieces would always almost fit, the puzzle never quite took shape. Until two nights ago when I stumbled on @lukolafan ’s page after they liked one of my posts. I scrolled down their page and found a link labeled “Lukola PR Strategies and Fake Narratives.” I cannot scream this loudly enough. GO VISIT THAT LINK!!!!! (I’ll add the links myself later if I have time.)

I did and it led to a series of Reddit posts taking an academic approach to teaching us, the general public (and lukola fans) PR Media Literacy. Among the various topics it discussed were things like:

“PR Firms and Entertainment Media: Coordinating “News” Across Gossip, Entertainment, and Official Publications,” which talks about using anonymous sources, more about staged paparazzi, and repeated narratives (“outlets echo identical stories, reinforcing PR-approved messaging, for example, multiple outlets platforms describing a celebrity ‘rising above’ a controversy, quoting the same anonymous insider” – Sound familiar?)

“The Invisible Hand of Celebrity Privacy: How PR Fabricates Narratives and Manipulates Fans,” which includes ways that PR strategies intentionally manipulate fans to fight/debate celebs faking relationships, and more (sound familiar?)

There’s honestly so much meat in all of these (there are a couple others as well) that they are ALL worth reading. There is definitely some repetition, but still, the content is super insightful and revealing and can help us all be more savvy consumers of media.

But I want to focus on two CRITICAL posts, in particular.

“The Role of Staged Paparazzi and Gossip Outlets in Celebrity PR Campaigns”

The first part of this piece talks about the method for staging fake paparazzi photos to create narratives. Two items of particular note (and I’m excerpting directly):

Quality Control of the Image: While professional photographers use high-quality cameras, staged paparazzi photos are intentionally manipulated to appear grainy or blurry. This adds a layer of authenticity to the photo, making it look as though the photographer stumbled upon the celebrity by chance.

Extra Figures in the Background: Another key tactic in staged paparazzi photos involves the use of background extras—people who might be walking with dogs, pushing strollers, or simply in the vicinity.

Think of Nicola’s photos walking home with Jake, a woman walking a dog behind them. Some of them are clear, but some are quite grainy, despite the fact that professional photographers have great equipment and are more than capable of taking a night-time shot.

Another excerpt…

Gossip Outlets: DeuxMoi and the Symbiotic Relationship with PR Firms

With the rise of user-generated content and anonymously submitted tips, gossip websites have become integral to the modern celebrity PR machine. Sites like DeuxMoi thrive on rumors and speculation, providing a platform for fans and anonymous sources to share celebrity gossip. PR teams exploit these platforms to feed their desired narratives without appearing to directly control the flow of information.

How Gossip Sites Like DeuxMoi Work:

Anonymous Tips and Leaks: PR teams often send anonymous tips to gossip outlets, offering details about celebrity activities or sightings. These tips are deliberately vague, leaving room for interpretation and speculation. Once posted on sites like DeuxMoi, the stories tend to snowball as they are shared across social media and republished by larger outlets.

Fueling Speculation: These posts generate buzz and speculation, keeping celebrities in the public eye without any direct confirmation. Gossip sites become a key player in amplifying the narrative, as fans, influencers, and media outlets continue to discuss and spread the information.

Mutual Benefits: While gossip sites operate independently, there is a mutual benefit to the relationship between them and PR teams. Gossip sites thrive on traffic and engagement, while PR teams can ensure their client’s name stays relevant in the public discourse. By subtly feeding stories, PR teams maintain control over how their celebrity’s narrative unfolds.

The piece goes on to give specific examples like Kendall Jenner and Bad Bunny, Tomdaya, Gigi Hadad and Zayne Malik, etc. then talks about fake fan interactions and how to spot them.

It offers key questions to ask about the photos you see (like what story is it telling and why and who benefits?) and then it gives this example. If your ears aren’t already fully perked, this will do it:

Example: 37-Year-Old Famous Actress and 24-Year-Old Lesser-Known Celebrity

Narrative of Romance or Distraction: In this case, the 37-year-old actress is likely fueling rumors of a relationship with the 24-year-old to either distract from something else in her personal life (like a real romantic partner) or to refresh her public image. The younger celebrity could be hired to play a temporary love interest or interest figure in the media, leading people to speculate whether they are more than just friends.

Creating a Romance or Mystery: The photo of them walking arm-in-arm, laughing, or holding hands might suggest that a romantic connection exists. This could be used to make the actress seem more relatable, desirable, or single, even if there is no romantic involvement behind the scenes.

Diverting Public Focus: If the actress is privately in a relationship with another celebrity or involved in an ongoing controversy, the staged photo with the younger celebrity helps to deflect attention. By inserting a "mystery romance," the public is more interested in who the new partner is, leaving the actress’s real partner or issues to stay out of the spotlight.

PR Stunt to Revitalize Publicity: The actress might not just be looking for romantic gossip but also fresh exposure. A curated paparazzi shot could serve as a PR tool to keep the actress's name in circulation—be it through romantic rumors, new partnerships, or simply new media content to fuel speculation.

Potential Body Double for Real Partner: If the real partner is shying away from the public eye or trying to avoid the media, the younger celebrity might act as a "body double" or decoy. This helps maintain an image of the actress being in a public relationship, while allowing her to keep the real relationship.

Don’t think I need to explain the relevance of this very specific example. There’s a lot more in the post, but I’ll move on for now to the next key post.

“Breadcrumbing and Coordinated Campaigns”

In this piece, they offer first some key breadcrumbing tactics, many of which sound awfully familiar.

Common Types of Breadcrumbs:

Cryptic Social Media Posts: Celebrities post vague messages or abstract references, sparking fan theories. Example: Harry Styles posts cryptic images or quotes, prompting speculation.

Coordinated Social Media Timing: PR teams synchronize posts to create the illusion of a shared narrative. Example: Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss posted similar content at the same time, fueling relationship rumors.

Accidental Social Media Interactions: Liking posts or commenting on ambiguous tweets creates intimacy and speculation. Example: Kendall Jenner engages with fans on social media, fueling rumors.

Seemingly Innocent Photos: Casual photos subtly hint at a larger narrative. Example: Zendaya and Tom Holland posted photos together, teasing their relationship.

Cryptic? Like Bless the Telephone? Or a mysterious left-handed guy holding a phone in the background while Nic gets ready?

Synchronized like Nic and Jake at that restaurant? Or as far as that goes, like Nic and Luke with the S4 selfie?

Accidental social media interactions? I didn’t go into that here, but we’ve seen lots of odd likes and things, lots of Nic interactions, oh, and those RW and SL likes of late.

Seemingly innocent photos. Like very happy looking S4 pics and the “now it’s yours” BTS photo?

Perhaps most of this could be interpreted as just genuine fan interaction and fan service, which I think it is to some extent. It’s a natural part of the business. But it’s also very often done with intention.

But here’s the more important part of this piece. It gives some case studies (Ben and JLo, Shawn and Camila), then it gives two “abstract” examples.

YOU’LL LOVE THIS. Note that the second example changes to an actor and a musician, but don’t let that fool you. Keep reading for some unmistakable specifics.

Breadcrumbing with a Fake PR Girlfriend: Case Study of Celebrity 007

For Celebrity 007, breadcrumbing is used to create a false narrative about a relationship with a PR girlfriend. This helps maintain fan interest while deflecting attention from the celebrity’s true personal life.

How It Works:

First Breadcrumbs: The PR strategy begins with posts from both the celebrity and the PR girlfriend, hinting at a connection without confirming it. Example: Celebrity 007 posts a picture from a Paris restaurant or cafe in LA and the PR girlfriend shares a similar post from the same location but from a different day with different white trucks in the background (double check the Instyle Stunt images!!!)

Expanding the Narrative: Shared travel posts and indirect interactions continue the illusion of a relationship. Example: Matching geo-tags in posts from Rome suggest they were there together.

Indirect Engagement: Likes, comments, and ambiguous interactions increase intrigue without confirming the relationship. Example: The PR girlfriend comments, “Great to be here with you! 💖,” on Celebrity 007's post.

Paparazzi Shots: Carefully timed candid shots further reinforce the illusion of a relationship. Example: Paparazzi photos of Celebrity 007 and the PR girlfriend walking hand-in-hand, fueling speculation.

Note:

Café in LA, same location, different trucks?

Matching tags in Rome?

Likes and ambiguous interactions

Carefully timed (say at a premiere party) candid paparazzi shops w gf walking hand-in-hand

And then there’s the next one. In the interest of length since this is already hella long, I’ve removed some less relevant parts, but I encourage you to read it yourself.

Breadcrumbing to Hide a Real Relationship: Case Study of Celebrity 009

Why Hide the True Relationship?

In celebrity culture, the decision to keep a relationship private—or hidden—can be a strategic move, driven by a mix of personal privacy and professional interests. Some celebrities may choose to share their personal lives openly, but for others, particularly those who value their privacy or wish to control their public image, keeping a relationship private is key. This is especially relevant for two celebrities who are romantically involved but prefer to maintain discretion, despite public curiosity about their relationship.

Whether it’s a high-profile couple like Beyoncé and Jay-Z, or a less conspicuous pairing, the decision to hide the true nature of a romantic relationship often involves balancing personal desires with career strategy. In this scenario, let’s explore why two celebrities might choose to keep their relationship under wraps and the complex PR considerations that lead them to do so.

Media Scrutiny/Escaping Constant Surveillance: Navigating the Spotlight Together (I’ve combined two sections here for length)

When two celebrities become romantically involved, the media will inevitably take notice. The relationship can quickly become the focal point of constant headlines, paparazzi photos, and gossip columns. For celebrities who value their privacy, this level of scrutiny can feel overwhelming, as every public appearance or moment shared can quickly turn into speculation, even if the couple doesn’t wish to attract attention.

Romanticized Expectations: The Pressure of Perfection

Media scrutiny often creates an unrealistic, romanticized version of a celebrity relationship. Fans and the public tend to project their fantasies onto famous couples, imagining them as the perfect, unbreakable pairing. The real complexities of a relationship—differences, compromises, and struggles—often don't fit neatly into the idealized narratives created by the public.

For a couple like Actor A and Musician B, the pressure to live up to these idealized expectations can be exhausting. By choosing to keep their relationship private, they can avoid the constant pressure to fit into a preconceived mold. Hiding the relationship from public view allows them to keep things grounded and avoid being turned into a media spectacle.

Brand Control: Managing the Image of "Singleness" or "Availability"

For many celebrities, their public image is closely tied to their brand, and that brand may depend on their perceived "availability" or their status as desirable, unattached individuals. The way the public perceives a celebrity’s romantic life—whether they are single, dating, or in a long-term relationship—can have a significant impact on their professional success and marketability.

Creating Room for Desire: The Allure of the Single Celebrity

Consider Actor A, a leading man known for portraying romantic heroes on screen. The public’s perception of Actor A as a single, unattainable figure is key to their marketability, both in the media and as a brand. If they were to publicly reveal a relationship with Musician B, it could diminish that aura of unattainability. Similarly, Musician B may want to maintain a flirtatious public persona, which could be undermined if they were publicly involved with someone. By keeping the relationship private, both celebrities retain the allure of being desirable and unattached, feeding into the fantasies of their fans.

Avoiding the "Couple" Brand: Risk of Being Reduced to a Package Deal

When a high-profile couple’s relationship is made public, they may become known less for their individual work and more for their collective identity as a couple. In some cases, the couple's public appearances or shared brand messages may overshadow their individual projects. Think of Beyoncé and Jay-Z, who have an incredibly powerful couple brand that often eclipses their solo endeavors in the media. For celebrities like Actor A and Musician B, the fear of being seen as a "package deal" might drive them to hide their relationship. This allows both to maintain their distinct identities, keeping their projects and brands separate and preventing the public from viewing them solely as a pair.

Respecting Boundaries: The Vulnerability of Celebrity Relationships

Even when two celebrities are involved, the vulnerabilities of a relationship can become the focus of media attention if they go public. Romantic relationships—especially those in the high-pressure world of celebrity—are often fraught with ups and downs. The public might demand to know every detail, fueling rumors of breakups, infidelities, or relationship drama. By keeping their romance under wraps, Actor A and Musician B can avoid becoming the subject of constant gossip and can maintain some semblance of normalcy in their private lives.

Avoiding Disruptive Publicity

Celebrity relationships often attract media scrutiny not only about their romantic lives but also about how their relationship affects their careers. The public and the media often delve into the smallest details, speculating about how the relationship might impact their professional trajectories, previous relationships, or future projects.

Career Disruption: The Challenge of Balancing Love and Work

For celebrities like Musician B, a new relationship can take attention away from their upcoming album release or concert tour. The media’s obsession with their personal life might overshadow the launch of a new professional project. Similarly, if Actor A is in the middle of promoting a film or preparing for a big role, the press could focus more on their relationship than their craft, disrupting the flow of their work.

I won’t bother reviewing the relevance of all of the above. I’m sure you can see it plainly for yourself. The examples are absolutely, positively referencing Nicola and Luke, and the reasons for hiding it are super relevant. Especially boundaries, disruption, pressure to be perfect, and being reduced to a package deal.

Now at this point, it’s worth asking the question, do we trust this source? I don’t actually know who posted this content, so I can’t verify their credentials. Perhaps this is yet another PR person’s tricky efforts to continually confuse us and keep us guessing? That seems unlikely since the entire purpose is to help lift the veil on all the other tricks. If you wanted the other tricks to be effective, you’d hardly be revealing them to your target audiences.

But even setting that very logical assumption aside, the reason I know with every fiber of my being that it’s true is that this is literally the only version of events that makes sense of absolutely everything.

All those mysterious and confusing signals, all those weird photos and changes in behavior, all the inconsistencies between what we all saw with our own eyes (they are IN LOVE) and what we saw subsequently with the adjacents, all the tiny Lukola crumbs keeping us hanging on, and all the fandom bickering, especially from bizarrely rabid jakolas.

Every bit of it makes complete sense if we accept that Nic, Luke, and their PR teams have been using a classic PR handbook to distract us from the very real truth that they are together and in love.

Does it hurt to know we’ve been manipulated? You bet it does! But I quickly accepted that because I was so happy to have the truth verified at last. And because I understand why they would do it.

Relationships are hard enough when lived in private. No relationship, no matter how much people love each other, is without challenge. Even soulmates have issues to navigate. Can you imagine the pressure on them if the whole world was watching?

And their lives have added challenges. Travel and separation. Long work schedules that may often be at odds. Possibly romantic scenes with future co-stars that could stir up uncomfortable feelings. Career ups and downs that may not always synch up. Fans and media watching their every move, dissecting them, judging them, rooting for them, and just putting massive pressure on them. What if they fail? They’re letting down the whole world, not just themselves.

And what about Nic’s longstanding demand for privacy? And her emphasis that no woman is just some dude’s girlfriend. She wants to be known for her own work and achievement and passions, not for who she dates or marries. Even if it is wonderful Luke.

Likewise, Luke is just now achieving a newfound level of success. This is a moment for him to seize and make the most of. Being a hot, sexy, ostensibly single guy is good for his brand right now. Even if we know he loves Nicola, his stans need to be able to fantasize about him, which is easier if his relationship is unconfirmed.

And let’s face it, if they come out as a couple, IT WILL BE LUKOLA all the time. That will be the story. Certainly if they’d come out during the World Tour, every question at every stop would be about them and their personal “friends to lovers story.” It would be irresistible to reporters. Too good a story to ignore. And they’d spend way more time talking about their personal lives than about their work. Does that sound like something either of them would want?

And one last thing. Back to their changes in behavior. Does it make more sense that Nicola, who has always been super private about her love life, would suddenly be willing to be photographed constantly with her new bf Jake? Or that Jake is not her bf and she’s keeping her actual bf (or fiancé or husband) secret?

Meanwhile, Luke, who has always been open about his relationships in the past suddenly decides to tighten up and share absolutely nothing about his private life? Well, that makes complete sense if he’s now in a relationship with a woman who is famously private and shares not one word publicly. Suddenly, literally everything makes sense and is entirely consistent.

So there it is, folks. To me, this is the Holy Grail. There’s not a doubt left in my mind about them. They’re together and everything else – literally everything else – is a decoy and a distraction, and every bit of it comes straight from the PR playbook.

I’d like to maintain a sliver of hope that they’re leaving much of it to their teams and they’re not in on the worst of it, but in any case, I don’t blame them one bit for trying to protect their love. It’s too special to let it be destroyed by public consumption. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Given that I don’t actually know them and haven’t confirmed anything directly, I’ll leave 1.5% room for doubt, and adjust my certainty to 98.5%.

And you may dismiss all of this and draw very different conclusions, which is okay, too. But if I’m being really honest, I’m actually 1,000% sure. And I couldn’t be happier for them.

What do we do now? That’s up to each of us. Personally, I’m going to be blissfully happy for them, not sweat any of the distractions, let them live as quietly as they like, and patiently await the day (whether it’s very soon or far in the future) when they finally go public. I hope you’ll do the same.

And until then, I’m going to keep watching Lukola videos on repeat.

[808airsoftbros]

Christmas Wish (Female Idols)

Author: Merry Christmas everyone, here is my special holidays oneshot. I may or may not write a New Year's special sequel as I did plan to write a smut into this but I didn't have the time and energy spent on the Holiday mayhem. Anyway, hope you enjoy and if you want to check out more stories go to Masterlist.

Silent night, holy night All is calm, all is bright Round yon Virgin, Mother and Child Holy Infant so tender and mild Sleep in heavenly peace Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, holy night Shepherds quake at the sight Glories stream from heaven afar Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia Christ the Savior is born Christ the Savior is born

Silent night, holy night Son of God, love's pure light Radiant beams from Thy holy face With the dawn of redeeming grace Jesus Lord, at Thy birth Jesus Lord, at Thy birth

Y/N's POV

It was another night of singing Christmas carols in my local church theatre, just like every year on the holidays. Despite the years that had passed, everyone showed up in droves, and family and friends came together.

Some are apart for most of the year for study or work, and seeing them come together again as a union once more makes me envy them.

My whole life I grew up as an orphan, I don't even know what my family looks like or what it's even like to have one. I was unwanted, cast aside, and not even worth a penny in this society.

Then why do I sing these stupid Christmas carols? I don't even know myself... Maybe because it's all I know because there's nowhere to go? Perhaps.

But the real reason doesn't matter much now, does it? No, not really. I don't even know the meaning of life, and I have no idea of my purpose.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I thank you all for taking the time to come to this wonderful Christmas chorale this evening! It was such a pleasure to always host this yearly tradition in this glamorous town! And it's such a wonderful feeling seeing all of you reunited with family and friends you may not have seen in years, now, please give a warm applause to our singers!" The host spoke to the crowd and they all cheered as they clapped the sounds echoing in the church.

As we all dispersed from our group, I didn't even bother staying for the after-party as nobody cared about me and wouldn't notice I was gone. I knew I was simply a meaningless character in the background of everyone's story.

Once I walked inside the comfort of my apartment I sighed as I closed the door, I sat down on the couch cracking open a bottle of apple soju from the fridge just dazing in my thoughts.

"Silent night~. Holy night~. Yeah, shut the fuck up..." I said to myself as that stupid chorale was stuck playing in my head as if the Universe was mocking me.

Why does my life fucking suck? I don't know and I don't even care at this point... Because what's the point in life anymore?

Everyone has a purpose in life, whether to be working, being a celebrity for everyone to admire and fan over, or whatever that may be. But here I am slouching in my apartment like a waste of space in this world.

What is my damn purpose here? To be a pathetic joke and stain on society? Wow, what a way to start my life and this will likely stay that way forever.

Looking at the clock, I sighed deeply as it was nearly time for me to go to work, I slipped on my shopkeeper's uniform before heading into the store to relieve my co-worker who was wrapping up his shift for the day.

"Ah, Merry Christmas, Y/N, right on time as usual," He greeted and I nodded.

"Busy today?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yup, the store's been packed with tourists all day, but tonight should be slow since nobody is out at night so it should be a pretty slow and chill shift for you," He sighed as he grabbed his things.

I watched as my co-worker walked out of the store and into the winter snow as the sun was slowly starting to set down and darkness slowly began taking over the city.

Settling down on the stand, I placed in headphones listening to chill music to pass the time as I stared at the empty store, even though this was going to be boring as hell it was free money for me and I pretty much had the run of the store.

I did ring out a few late-night customers that I see every night buying beer and smokes along with snacks but other than that the streets are empty.

"That would be all tonight for you miss?" I asked politely and the customer nodded.

"Yes please," She replied as I rang up her items.

Just as I was about to finish up the transaction I heard the doorbell ringing, glancing to see who was entering, it was a woman wearing a black mask and a black winter coat wearing high heels with black stockings.

This made me raise an eyebrow as I had never seen the woman around here before, I thanked the lady for shopping there as I handed her the bag of her stuff, and I silently watched the strange woman as the lady walked out of the store.

I sighed leaning back on the chair as I quietly watched the woman browse the snack and beer section with a hint of curiosity but I kept it subtle so as not to create an awkward situation.

About maybe five minutes later, she grabbed some snacks along with the most expensive wine available which is a bit surprising as nobody has ever purchased it as long as I worked here.

"Hello, miss, will this be all tonight?" I asked in that same professional and polite tone.

The lady didn't reply but just nodded and I shrugged as I assumed she wasn't a talker, I ringed up her snacks but when I rang up the wine the POS locked me out requiring me to enter a date of birth.

"Can I see your ID real quick?" I asked politely and she seemed hesitant.

"Sorry miss, but if you don't show me your ID, I cannot sell you this," I informed her and she sighed as she pulled out her wallet before showing me her ID card.

Reading the date of birth the expiration date along with the authenticity, everything seemed to check out as she was above the age of 18 but the issue was her face as she was wearing the mask.

"Again, I'm sorry, but could pull down your mask? I need to see if the picture on your ID matches yours," I instructed and she seemed a bit irritated.

"Come on, I'm over 18, and I got places to be," She complained and I sighed as it seemed she was another difficult customer.

"I deeply apologize ma'am, but this is the law we're talking about here and I unfortunately don't make the rules here. Either show your face or you'll have to leave the wine behind," I explained to her and she huffed still refusing.

Just as I was about to take the wine off, I heard the doorbell ringing and another lavish woman walked in looking confused.

"Yah, Chewie, what's taking so long?" She asked her.

"Well, this idiot here thinks my ID isn't mine," The woman nicknamed Chewie answered and she sighed.

"Probably because we're wearing masks. Just do it, Chewie, before we're late, and besides, nobody else is here at this hour," the strange lady pointed out, and Chewie rolled her eyes.

Reluctantly, the woman pulled down her mask and picture on the ID, and her face checked out, allowing the transaction to finish up and me to not have to put up with her rich, snotty attitude.

"I'm sorry about that, sir. She doesn't get along with strangers well," the lady apologized on her behalf.

"No worries, it's part of the job," I assured and the lady sighed in relief seeing I wasn't too angry about the petty issue.

As they grabbed the bag of items, I watched them leave making me sigh in relief as I could get back to my other duties. I have dealt with many stupid customers in the past but this was a first, having some rich snot thinking they're above everyone else and the law.

I shrugged it off as I went to cook up some fresh hot dogs for the hot food stock along with pretzels stuffing the pre-made dough in the oven.

After I finished restocking the store, I wiped down the counter when I heard the doorbell ringing again and I looked up to see a couple of women wearing the same masks as the previous two did but their clothing was more casual this time instead of the lavish designer clothes.

Naturally, I kept my guard up and ready for their nonsensical rich crap as I wiped down the counter until the two women walked up to me holding a couple of cases of soju.

"Good evening, ladies, will this be all today?" I asked politely.

"Yup, that will be all, do you need to see our IDs?" One of them asked and I was a bit surprised.

"Uhm, yes, please," I answered they showed their IDs without a fuss and pulled down masks proving the pictures matched.

"Aight, your ladies check out," I informed them.

"By any chance, did our little friend Chewie give you any trouble tonight?" Haseul asked kindly and I raised an eyebrow.

"Who again?" I asked a bit confused.

"You know, the tall Taiwanese woman that just walked in here," Heejin chimed in and I chuckled.

"Eh, somewhat, nagging about pulling down her mask," I answered but also kept it professional and they giggled.

"Yeah, she's like that, that's why we don't often take her out much because she always causes trouble and we can't have news reporting scandals about her, can we?" Haseul mentioned as she inserted her credit card into the pin pad.

"What do you mean?" I asked and they seemed surprised by my question.

Haseul and Heejin looked at each other for a moment, somehow assuming that I might've heard about them like they were some sort of celebrities. Or perhaps they are and I live under a rock.

"N-Nevermind, how much do I owe?" Haseul asked giving a nervous smile and I told her the amount due.

Once the transaction was complete I handed over the receipt and they left without saying another word. I grabbed the cleaning cloth when I noticed Haseul had left her phone on my counter.

I grabbed the phone and rushed out of the store but by the time I got out, I watched them start their car and drive away and I sighed as I went back into the store seeing no point in chasing after them.

Getting back behind the counter trying to figure out what to do next, after thinking for some time I got an idea, I grabbed a paperclip in the drawer and bent it out to make a needle.

I take the phone out of its case carefully making sure I don't damage or scratch anything, I find the hole on the side and insert the needle popping out the SIM card slot.

"Bingo," I muttered holding the SIM card.

Seeing there were no customers around and the store was neat and tightly for now, I had plenty of spare time to kill as I took out my laptop plugged the SIM card into the slot, and used software to decode the information and find her phone number.

When I finished getting the necessary information, I managed to write down her number before sending her a text informing her that she had left her phone at my store.

I placed my phone down feeling rather odd at how she easily trusted me despite being a stranger to her, I guess she must be that busy and desperate to trust me that much.

Welp, there's nothing much more I can do about it unfortunately and I can only wait until my shift is over so I can turn her phone over.

Looking up the address on Google, it luckily wasn't too far away and within walking distance, but it's also impressive that they are located in the most expensive hotel in the city which shouldn't be all that surprising.

When I finally finished my shift, I made my way to the hotel but as I was walking I just wondered why Haseul didn't ask how I got her number in the first place. Strange now I think about it...

Whatever, the least I can do now is return her phone and get out of their hair for good, and it's not like they'll drag me into their hotel room and make me their pet, right? Some sort of delusional Christmas wish.

Anyway, I finally made my way through the hotel lobby after getting the number of their room, I hopped onto the elevator to the top floor, making my way through the corridor filled with pots of plants and statues.

Walking past the various rooms, I managed to find the right one, I took a breath before hitting the doorbell button.

"Who could that be?!" I heard a female voice ask loudly.

"I hope it's not a saesang! Let me check!"

Hearing footsteps coming upon the door, assuming the person was looking through the peephole, the door opened soon after.

"Can I help you?" A squirrel-looking Japanese woman asked and I held up Haseul's phone.

"I came to return Haseul's phone, I believe this belongs to her," I informed her handing over the phone to her.

"Oh, why thank you but how did you find it?" The woman asked cautiously.

"Haseul texted me to come here, I used the SIM card to track her number... I hope that doesn't sound too creepy, I didn't know what else to do," I explained nervously hoping that they don't call the cops on me.

The woman looked at me checking me out and making sure I wasn't some creepy stalker or hacker coming to steal her information or something.

Soon after, she called Haseul over and she came over soon after sighing in relief that I arrived before handing back her phone.

"Oh, thank you so much! You're a real lifesaver!" Haseul thanked me profusely.

"Yeah, it's no problem, Noona, Merry Christmas," I replied and was about to walk away.

"Hold it!"

I froze in place, slowly turning around to see what they wanted, my stomach hung in balance as I could only imagine the worst about to come.

"You really thought we'd let you leave without thanking you properly~?" Haseul asked with a warm smile and I raised an eyebrow.

"Uhh... What?" I asked.

"What she's saying is that we want you to stay for the party, if you're free of course," Nayeon chimed in and my eyes widened.

Well, I'll fucking be...

"Uh... yeah, I am," I confessed nervously and Nayeon came forward taking my arm and dragging me into their room almost seeming the ridiculous Christmas wish was coming true after all... At least most of it.

As Nayeon got me inside the room, the squirrel woman closed the door behind us, I was taken into the living room where I was astonished to see it was all girls.

"Oh, Haseul, is that Y/N? The one you kept talking about?" A Thomas-looking woman asked and Haseul nodded.

"Well, he is cute,"

"Is he staying for the party?"

"Ugh, why is he here?"

"Yah! Chewie, be nice to our guest for once!"

"Hmph!"

As the Japanese woman introduced herself, Sana seated me on the couch next to her, keeping her arm locked around mine. The girls just chuckled amusingly, seeing how clingy she was around me.

"Yah, miss flirt, you might give the guy a nosebleed if you keep holding him like that?" Jeongyeon pointed out at Sana pressing her boobs on my arm and she giggled only putting more pressure.

"So what if I do? I do enjoy pampering... Especially young men," She replied with a sultry tone as she caressed my chest making me gulp.

"Oh, God, Unnie, you always are a creep. You know that?" Tzuyu rolled her eyes, but Sana took no notice.

"Don't worry about them sweetheart, I have a surprise Christmas present waiting in the bedroom... If you know what I mean~," She giggled in a flirty way and I swore I felt my nose was about to bleed any second.

Soon after, the sassy idol Chaewon approached me, wrapping an arm around mine and forcing me away from her, but Sana brought me back.

"Yah! I saw him first!" Sana bickered.

"No! I won't let you corrupt him! Especially on the Holidays!" Chaewon replied as she continued tugging at me.

"Yah! Girls enough already!" JiU butted in breaking them and sighing in relief as I felt I was gonna get split into two.

"Look, girls, like Chaewon said, it's the Holiday season, and Christmas is around the corner. How about we all just enjoy each other's company while it lasts? We've all had a busy year, and we certainly don't need to add more problems right now, so how about we move on and enjoy ourselves?" Jihyo proposed, and the girls agreed.

"Does that mean I go home?" I asked raising my hand and the girls all shook their heads.

"No!" They all said in unison and I sighed.

When the party was done being set up for tonight, the girls went out shopping, of course, I was dragged along against my will with Gaeul, Handong, Sana, and Chaewon.

We all split into multiple groups, and I stayed with the four girls, who kept me in place and took me around the massive mall full of toy shops, gaming surplus, and much more as the girls shopped for clothes.

"First off, my dear, let's upgrade that Dinosaur of a phone," Handong pointed out.

"But it's the iPhone 4..." I mentioned and Gaeul facepalmed making me confused as this is the latest phone... At least that's what I thought.

"Pabo! Were you living under a rock? Come, let us show you the magic of modern technology," Chaewon said, taking my hand and leading me into the Apple store.

Looking around, I marveled at the accessories for Airpods, Beats, and iPads, and I was surprised to see the new iPhone lineup. I was living under a rock, being so busy with work and staying at my apartment most of the time.

One of the staff members approached, asking if they needed assistance. The girls asked the guy for the most expensive iPhone they had, and he took us over to the iPhone 16 Pro Max, which made my jaw drop as it was a whopping $1,599, the initial price for 1 TB.

Of course, being idols this was nothing to them as they paid for the new phone and soon set me up with the new model.

"Jeez, I know I returned your phone but this is quite a bit much," I commented checking out my new phone.

"No worries, dear, this will not even be close to denting our bank accounts compared to the rest of the shopping trip," Sana giggled.

"So best prepare yourself to be spoiled all day," Chaewon said, and I sighed as I was dragged along with them.

The entire day was spent just the girls buying shit for me like luxury brands like Gucci, Louis Vuitton, and even Lego sets that I've wanted. All of this would've made me broke but I guarantee none of these expenses wasn't even close to making dents to their accounts.

"Come on, Y/N, we still got more shops to look at! I gotta get Christmas gifts for my family!" Chaewon said in a demanding tone as she held my hand.

"Oh, yeah, that reminds me I need to find something for my siblings," Sana remembered as she looked around the stores.

"Same, I gotta find gifts for my parents," Handong mentioned.

"I also have to find a gift for my Oppa and parents," Gaeul chimed as she looked around the stores to see if there were gifts they might like.

Following the girls around various stores, it felt like forever as the girls searched the clothing stores and jewelry shops until they finally settled on the perfect presents.

"Ah, this is perfect! My Eomma is gonna love this!" Sana said in a satisfied manner as she inspected the custom butterfly necklace that was laced with diamonds.

"Wow, that is so pretty, Unnie!" Gaeul agreed.

Wrapping up the Christmas mall shopping, we all reunited holding multiple shopping bags but I saw Jihyo holding the most compared to me.

"You gonna lend a girl a hand~?" Jihyo playfully asked and I looked down seeing my hands were full as it is.

"Kidding, Y/N, I see you're hands look like they're about to fall off and I've handled more bags than this, especially when the girls go out shopping in many places around the world," Jihyo chuckled.

We walked to the two vans we took to drive here placing all the bags into the trunks before I joined Gaeul and the three girls in one of the vans.

"You look tired, my dear, you can lay your head on my shoulder or lap if you want~," Sana offered wrapping an arm around my waist.

"Yah! No, listen to that old hag! My body is more comfy!" Gaeul rebutted and they bickered making me groan as I leaned against the headrest enduring the noisy girls the entire ride.

Once we finally made it back to the hotel, we carried the shopping bags inside the room making sigh in relief as the bags were heavy as hell.

The girls were starving, of course, JiU, Haseul, and Jihyo agreed to order room service making lots of orders as the girls wrote down what they wanted.

"So what do you want, my dear, Y/N~?" Heejin asked handing over the paper and pen.

"Uhm, not sure if I want... Hehe," I politely declined and she pouted.

"Oh, come on, Y/N, it's on us and we did promise to spoil you~," Heejin insisted and I sighed as I couldn't resist that adorable pout.

Writing down what I wanted the girls chimed in money to pay for the food before making the order on the phone, Choerry and Liz sat next to me hugging me from both sides.

"So how do you think of the party so far~?" Choerry playfully asked.

"It's something... Though I never expected to be here for simply returning a phone," I nervously answered and they giggled.

"I know, kinda reminds you of one of those Wattpad fanfictions, huh?" Liz asked and I found it funny now I think about it.

"And would you know that, Liz?" Leeseo asked raising an eyebrow and Liz blushed almost sheepishly admitting she had been reading fan fiction.

"Oh, no worries, Liz! I think we all have read some of them at one point, I do find them interesting and some are quite ho-" SuA was about to say but Yves quickly covered her mouth.

"Hey! We have babies here!" Yves shushed her as she pointed at Leeseo and Eunchae.

"But I'm an adult now, right~?" Eunchae teasingly mentioned.

"Doesn't matter! You are still a baby!" Yves refuted and Eunchae pouted.

Just as I thought Liz and Choerry were enough, I found Yeojin sitting on my lap and curling up to me. She hugged me and nuzzled her face into my neck, which I found oddly cute.

"Yah! Yeojin! I want a turn!" Eunchae demanded but Yeojin stuck out her tongue in a mockery manner making the girls roll their eyes playfully watching the Maknaes fighting over my attention.

Well, my friends, I guess the lesson here is that you should expect the unexpected, especially during the Holiday season. Here I am, a background character being the main protagonist in this new world.

What do I expect next? I don't know, but I do know that I am not going anywhere with them all over me. Merry Christmas.

[merlucide]

HAIRCARE!~♪

notes: ‘this alien stage x reader was sponsored by free time in the car’😌

characters: all characters

warnings: cursing, not edited/proofread (idgaf)

She’s always had long hair, and has always preferred it this way

She does her very best to keep the tangle free- but at the end of the day it’s full of knots

This is why she loves hair days!

She’ll lay down on your lap and be all happy with your fingers combing through her pretty long hair

It helps her unwind from the day, it’s because apart of her daily routine ig :3

She just likes talking to you about whatever

Then when’s she’s had her full of love and affection she’ll pamper you endlessly heh

Loves twirling your hair around and making up hairstyles

She can do anything you want for the most part! She’s a bit messy but it always looks good :3

She doesn’t style her hair really, aside from combing it or putting it in a pony

When her hair was longer fans had you put it in braids then :3

Honestly she doesn’t like people touching her hair, gets it all greasy and messed up yk?

But she doesn’t mind if you’d like to play with hers time to time :)

At your time at anakt you’d both sit underneath the trees there and try to intertwine the flowers into her hair.

Sua was better at styling flowers than you were tho heh

She likes twirling you hair around her finger :3

You could look at Till and think ‘he dgaf about his hair’ —but he actually does gaf 😭🙏 he wants to look cool okay?? His hair is important to him 

He takes like 5 minutes in total making sure his hair looks good lmao

It’s just perfectly messy ya’know? :3

He likes brushing your hair

It’s very soothing for him

If he’s feeling creative he’ll experiment around with different styles but mostly just brushes lmao

Don’t gaf about his hair

But he has to gaf about his hair 😔 sad thing

Gotta keep that image up yk 🥲

Normally he just combs through it and calls it good (on a normal day anyways)

Likes it to look pretty neat tho

He likes making a rats nest of yours though!

Kidding, kidding (kinda..)

Likes ponytails:)

But yeah he just fucks up your hair for fun basically

True love? 

Oh boy 💀 THIS diva

As the star that Luka is, his appearance is the most important aspect of his product (well following after his voice but YK-)

Bro has a curl routine n all

I mean he’s basically an influencer?? in a way?? So id imagine he gets free stuff

Anywho he’s a scruncher then he uses that curl thing (I’ll look it up later)— It’s a process

Prefers you not to touch his hair, will smack your hand away LMAO

But when’s he’s utterly exhausted and burnout he’ll put your hand on his head (if he has the energy too anyways)

Lukas not like 😭 an affectionate person anyways?- well it’s weird? He’s touchy but not, affectionate

Ya get it?

He might twirl your hair around but that’s kinda it 😭🙏 hate to be a dream destroyer

Well I’ll give some crumbs…heh..heh

S

When you two are lying alone in bed together— wether it’s after a photoshoot or what not, he’ll like creep up behind you and start caressing you hair

It’s a bit uncomfortable at first because you can just FEEL him burning holes into the back of your head while twirling your hair 😭🙏 sweating n shit

It’s relaxing for him anyways, when he’s tired but not ready to sleep yet yk

Hyuna 🤤 hair goals fr fr

She usually just has it down or in a high pony/braid tbh

Her hair is LONG AF and is such a pain to deal with so I’d imagine she just puts it up and calls it good

She washes her hair like once a week anyways (the shower is full of grime JUST from her hair 😭🙏)

She dgaf (yesss Hyuna 🥹🗣️)

She’s really great at braiding!! When she decided to put her hair in a braid one day you would NAWT shut up about how she needs to have it styled like that more often (and she did hehe)

Hyuna also collects trinkets— whenever she goes out on raids/bounties or wtv she picks up/steals (LMAO) anything that catches her eye (Like a crow! heh)

She always brings smth back for you, any shiny things go to you, only the best for her babe 😌

Now!- when you asked her to braid your hair you brought up the trinkets suggesting that you put it in the braids- like as accessories!!

And she liked that idea vv much ofc and planted little coins and charms tied into your hair :3

Your head legit looked like a crows nest lmao

But it looks so pretty!! Two fishtail braids with shiny things in your haiirrrrrr!

She was proud af of her work 😌

You both went person to person showing off your head lol

DEWEY (I love him plsss)

His head is full of tangles, but he insists it’s just apart of his ‘look’

His really not picky with his hair- just prefers redoing his roots before they get too-too grown out yk

Which of course you always help him!

He sits on the floor criss-cross in his white tanktop and sweats while you mix the blonde dye

He stays still for the most part, but gets antsy staying in the same position for too long

He justs yap your ear off while you apply the color loll

“Yah so, I tried 85 arm-curls which that went friggin’ awesome as expected-“ “Yeah then Isaac went blackout drunk- Ha it was hilarious” “I think the showers broken ‘cause when I turned it on purple shit came out-“

Since his hair is all sticky and wet he like makes his hair stick  straight up lmao😭

Tries to convince you to use the left over dye on Isaac lmao

While he waits for it to dry he begs you to let him do your hair

He tries to do a Dutch braid, but fails lmao

“WHY ISNT YOUR HAIR WORKIN’?!”

And ur like ?! Everything good back there ?!

He keeps trying until your hair is a literal rats nest lol

He just looks at his mess like ‘oh shit’

Ur so pissed at him and he’s like: 🥺

So he just brushes out the mess he made lol

Which it freakin hurt bc OWWW KNOTS

After it’s all brushed out he just did a basic braid and called it good lmao

Then you take him to the showers to rinse it out and in fact- purple did come out

Probably should’ve thought about that before you stuck his head under the shower head heh..

You ended up using the sink in the bar and everyone just sorta was like ‘uh, okay’

Just imagine Dewey laying on the counter with his head in the sink lol- def stained the counter

Bro shakes his head like a dog to dry off, THEN gets a towel

Smh

In reward for you hard work he gives you a big fat smooch heh

Then goes around base to show everyone his hair lmao

Successful hair dyeing day with Dewey id say!

(Dewey j love you please I need more of him yall PLEASE.)

ISAAC (I LOVE YOU TOO!!)

I mean he just puts his cap on and calls it a day sooo

Really couldn’t give two shits about it lmao

Doesn’t care if you mess around with his hair, so might as well go for it :3

You tried putting his hair into a piggy tail, which his hair is so short so it just kinda, stuck out 😭

He really does love playing with your hair :) it’s actually rlly cute he’ll be talking to a member and just be playing with your hair (the thought gives me butterflies gets me mushy SOB)

by the time he’s done talking to the person there’s like 6 little braids in your hair on on side 😭🙏

Best hair time w/ him is when yall are fucked up and tied from raiding and just lay together, you most likely on top of him

And he just holds ya and plays with your hair 🥹

Yall talk about the day, or some things you’ve been thinking about, just quiet words yk? :)

(Stop I’m like tweaking thinking about this wtf)

help so sorry for how short Till+Ivans is 😭🙏 no creative juice came for them (and I wrote theirs last so yk…)

Made December 20th 2024

[lacucarachapisser]

morning bliss colin zabel x f! reader

warning : SMUT but mostly fluff. cringe. unprotected piv. slightly somno. dub-con. um boobs playing. quick nut. morning make out. a little ass spanking. lazy sex. a bit of cockwarming if you squint. lmk if im missing any im really bad at warning. 1.2k wc.

a/n : i’ve never written smut before so, i am so sorry if it doesn’t landed well. and apologies if there are too many grammatical mistakes english isn’t my first.

“for god’s sake, mare. it’s five in the morning.”

colin is on the phone. he complains while massaging his both temples by pressing the fingertips to the line of his eyebrows. you can hear his morning voice jumbled up with annoyance, though he managed to kept his voice down. he told you just last night how exhausted he was because work had been kicking him right in the ass over and over. working overtime, bringing it home, receiving calls in unusual hours, odd schedules, like hell they could stop.

“well… wouldn’t that be a perfect alibi? honestly it can wait,”

what is he talking about? he wakes up and sat at your shared bed, listening to mare’s voice over the phone. it is indeed still dark outside, you haven’t even feel the morning seep through the drapes. both of you slept back-to-back last night, and you still in your position, laying on your left side as your back facing him. there were time when you had to eavesdrop his phone call unintentionally.

you kept your eyes shut closed, pretending to sleep and didn’t bother to flip around because thus only makes him feel guilty— speaking from experience. he doesn’t want to wake you up early. so you stay still, breathing slowly like you always did when you’re asleep.

“give me 30 minutes okay? i need to—“

he stops and you bet that the other person on the phone is interrupting him.

“fine, 20 minutes. whatever.” the call ended in one click and a long exhales come out from colin’s mouth. “fuck me,”

you rarely catch colin saying cuss word in loathed way, and that makes you indeliberately flinch.

he throws his head back to the pillow, hand placing the phone back to the drawer and turns his head towards you. he had a hard time deciding whether he should get up from bed unnoticed or straightly wake you up because he running out of time. and deciding does running out his time.

he scoops your body, spooning you as his hand gently tracing along your waist and the other slipped beneath your underarm. oh does he misses you so much. it was irrational worry that dwelled within him every time he thought about the guilt. mainly because his jobs always interfering his time with you.

“baby..” he breathes in your hair, whispering and sounds extremely stressed, and needy? he hums, voices vibrate in your ears.

you didn’t say anything as you let him hold you from behind, chest pressed against your back. his muscular hand starts rubbing your tummy, up to your chest and squeezing your clothed boobs. and those act itself caught you off guard, which of course made your eyes arise in a wince. now you understand what colin have in mind. he was never a fan of a quick bite. he prefers having you hours, nice and intimate. but seems someone like to try something new to start the day.

“mmh…” your soul barely even there, despite the fact that you listen the whole time when he was on the phone.

he places soft kisses on your bare shoulder, up to your neck and to your jaw. he slightly get up with his elbow, hand still kneading your round breast, trying to get a better access to assault your tits.

as soon as your eyes turn to him, he quickly presses his lips on yours, busy adding some tongue, unbothered by the fact that you both have morning breath. perhaps since he aware of your mouth routine, you normally very much so strict with oral hygiene and you liked to force him to do so. skipping a coffee ritual and have a light bitter saliva to taste for each other wasn’t really that bad at all. and also, you love him anyway. gross? yeah love stinks.

his palm and digits playfully groping your tits, fingertips circle around the texture in the middle. those veiny hands always read your body like a bible, and yes he was greatly intrigued by the shape of your mind but also had a special fondness of your gorgeous chest.

“i promise it’ll be quick,” he turned you around so now you lay on your back, expeditiously spreading your four limbs, locking your arms above your head and found him already between your legs. he didn’t bother to remove your panties, he just brushes aside the fabric that covers your crotch and exposing your pussy.

like the quickest thief, the tip of his length already meet your fold, entering it deep just in case you can quickly adjust to his big hardened cock. he began to thrust you and adding some pace before start kissing and sucking on your collarbone. in between harsh breathing, you manage to speak, though your voice end up a bit squeaky. “what’s gotten into you..?”

his movement gets faster, abusing your throbbing cunt in belligerence way. was he mad at you? however when he looked at you in the eye, it somehow evoking a sense of benevolent yet miserable expression on his face. oh right… he just running out of his time.

with one deep thrust, he touched your most tender spot and you clenched him hard, a big wave of ecstasy start washing over you.

“c-col!”

he whimpered when the end of heavy orgasm hit and pushes himself deep in you for the last time, fill you up nice and full. “i’m sorry baby, i am so sorry. i need you so bad.”

he kisses you on the mouth and you reciprocate it with a lowkey soft smile draw on your face. you found it funny having him needy and thoughtless at the same time. oh your poor man. you hummed sluggishly, eyes closed as you try to recover from the feeling. he always put your first and perfectly fine if you say no. although seeing him being a little selfish like this was one of your top thing on your list.

“that was fast.” you whispered in between kisses.

“told you. i dont have much time,” he suddenly pull away and hide his face on your neck. “i hate my job,”

“no, you don’t,”

“yes i do hate my job,”

“don’t say that. you loved it.”

he peaks at your face and you give him your smile. “not as much as i love you,” he replies lazily.

“shut up,” those three sacred words is often popped up in every moment, somewhat you never expected at all. “how many minutes you have left now?”

“probably 13? 12?”

“do you think we can do another round?”

a sympathetic eye and frowned eyebrows shown on his face contour, lips curled into a ribbon of disappointment with melancholic wrinkles. a low grunt escape from his mouth and he probably think you’d get upset if he refuse. he was about to reply your question but instead you chuckle and wrapped your arm around his neck.

“i’m messing with you…” you poke his nose with your pointer “come on. let’s get up,”

he exhales and shakes his head “no. still too early for you, you go back to sleep.”

“don’t be silly. i need to change the sheets, come on.”

a soft laugh come out from his lips. he gives you last peck on your cheek before finally get out from the bed. you need to readjust your nightgown first before joining him.

“at least let me make you some coffee,” as you walk by passing him, heading to the door out, he smacked your ass and grinning in satisfaction. those makes you jolt but you honestly don’t give a damn. you used to colin’s habit.

“yes ma’am.” the smile on his face subsides slowly as soon as the sound of the clock catch his ears. only if he could just stop it because now he should be ready for duty might slap his ass at any time.

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Hear me out! Pillow Talk with the 2k3 Turtles or the Dark Turtles! The aftermath of a passion filled night or a spur of the moment! Is one cuddly and needy after? What would they say to reader in the afterglow?? Would they get nervous and dare ask “how was it?” Would reader be round 2 ready? lol ❤️💚💙🧡💜

Pillow Talk (Fluff?) (18+)

Dark Turtles x reader

A/N: It’s a long time ago since I’ve done the Dark Turtles, so why not go with them. I don’t think the Dark Turtles would get particularly nervous, but I do think they would have their own little quirks. Anyway, here you go, hope you’ll enjoy🖤💚

All characters are aged up.

Warning: Implied sex before and after, implied orale - female receiving.

Dark Leonardo:

Dark Leo is an absolute sucker for the tender moments that happened after sex. He would never admit it, but his actions betrayed him. With sweat just beginning to evaporate from the two of you and your legs still entangled, he loved it when you laid there in each other’s arms, still relishing in the afterglow of the orgasms you had had just moments ago.

You didn’t necessarily have to talk during these moments. Sometimes you and Leo found that comfortable silence spoke louder than words. And after what he had just put you through, it wasn’t strange for you to get drusy in his arms, before falling asleep with a satisfied smile. It made him feel strong, like a protector. And there was just something about the fact that he had gotten you so worn out, that made Leo feel proud. He did that to you. He made you feel so good, that you almost couldn’t stay awake anymore.

During these moments Leo would watch over you, his eyes filled with love as you fell asleep against him. Just moments ago you had been begging him to make you cum over and over again, and now you were so exhausted after gaining exactly what you wanted, that you couldn’t keep your eyes open. Leo couldn’t help but feel a little proud of himself. He did that to you, and you let him do that.

It wouldn’t be long before Leo too fell asleep with your head on his plastron, knowing that when you woke up, the two of you would go take a shower and clean up together, but not without another round in the shower.

Dark Raphael:

Though you may be absolutely worn out after several rounds with Dark Raph, feeling your body ache with that wonderful pain that only could come about from sex, your eyelids getting heavy, don’t expect to be sleeping straight away. Raph loved to cuddle and talk, just moments after having had his dick inside of you, pounding you into absolut oblivion.

Raph loved talking to you about anything between heaven and earth, adoring how you still had trouble speaking, after - as Raph liked to put it - having had your speech fucked out of you. It was nice and calm, with a silence rarely heard from you and Raph when alone in bed.

However, with you and Raph being the way that you are, the silence wouldn’t stay long. Soon - as you regained your ability to speak - the two of you would find something to argue about for fun. That would evolve to the two of you poking each other, until one of you found poke a ticklish spot. And that would undoubtedly turn into a tickle fight in the bed you had just had sex in.

Raph loved the feeling of a mock fight, even if it was to see who could gain dominance during a tickle fight. It triggered some deep animalistic urge in Raph. Whether that was his turtle side or his kanabo side, he couldn’t tell. But with you still sore from your earlier love making, it wasn’t hard for Raph to overpower you. And that would - in many cases - turn into yet another round of a good pound.

Dark Donatello:

After the hot and heavy sex, that you and Donnie had been engaged in for what felt like several wonderful hours, Donnie loved to talk to you. Sometimes you would talk about the sex you had just had. You would talk about what you liked and what you didn’t like (not that there really was anything that either of you didn’t like), which you could bring with you to the next time you got physical with each other.

It wasn't because Donnie was scared you didn’t like what he was doing, but because he liked for both of you to feel heard and seen. Maybe he did this one thing he thought that you were really into, only to learn that you weren’t actually that much into that, and would actually like Donnie to stop doing it. Same thing for him. But so far there hadn’t been anything like it, but Donnie liked to keep the space open, making sure you both felt safe enough to speak your mind. In other words - Donnie found good communication with you very sexy.

Maybe that is the reason why, his tail seemed to get a mind of its own when you were talking, growing restless before slowly making its way for you. Gripping a soft hold of your ankle while neither you or Donnie noticed, before slowly making its way up your legs, until you couldn’t help but notice the unmistakable feeling of Donnie’s tail gliding across the insides of your thigh, going for either your backdoor or front.

Round two with the assistance of Donnie’s tail? Round two with the assistance of Donnie’s tail.

Dark Michelangelo:

When talking about pillow talk, many people might think of something calm and intimate. Soft spoken with tender touches, and love filled looks that spoke the words “I adore you”, over and over again, while holding each other close, like you were fragile and easily bruised. Well, if that’s how you think of pillow talk, then you obviously haven’t met Dark Mikey.

Pillow talk with Mikey wasn’t this intimate and calm affair some might expect. It is filled with one bad joke after another, that somehow still managed to crack you up. He was bouncy, rarely sitting still with you in the bed, even if your legs was aching from all the things Mikey had done to you just a few moments before. It was just part of Mikey’s charm, and the thought of him doing anything else felt strange and foreign to you.

Just because Mikey was a kanabo clone of Michelangelo, it didn’t mean that he was free of his counterparts' ADHD tendencies. And one of the places where these tendencies became apparent, was when the two of you rolled around the bed, still feeling the dopamine and adrenaline from the highs you had just been through. It was here that Mikey remembered all the things he had been wanting to tell you throughout the day. He told you about that adorable dog-like creature he had seen on the street, and how he thought about telling you the moment he saw it. Basically sharing everything that had happened to him throughout the day, as a way to show that he often thought of you.

However, Mikey’s nature dictated that he couldn’t just sit and talk to you for hours on end - especially not when you were still naked from your prior actions, looking ever so enticing for Mikey and his constantly wandering mind. Let’s just say, Mikey’s mouth went from talking to performing another welcomed act, this time between your legs.

[vaspider]

This is the last thing I'm going to post about this. Yes, reblogs are turned off. No, I am not tagging anyone's Tumblr or pointing you towards the people involved: I have them blocked. Do not go bother either one of them.

The Tumblr post I responded to earlier tonight went up before I read the actual response emails, because, well. They were sent while I was AFK, and then the Tumblr post containing Razz's response emails was tagged for me while I was, you know, not working. When I finally got to actually read the emails, I hit this line:

I bought the first heat pack during your sale and it said very explicitly in the emails that you guys would send a random one from your supply, no mention that customers needed to put something else in their cart.

Emphasis mine.

And at the point where someone's just fully making stuff up rather than admitting they fucked up, I'm done. So. In the name of my own sanity, I issued a full refund for this order, and:

Hi Razz,

Since you and your friend decided to take this conversation to Tumblr in the 3 or so hours I was AFK spending time with my partners, I hadn't actually gotten an opportunity to go back and read these emails. The first time I saw them was not in my inbox but idly scrolling Tumblr while petting my dog at 11 PM with your friend's, uh… commentary on them. Your assumption that I was condescending and calling you stupid rather than that I'm autistic and speak very precisely is very interesting, in context, and skipping over me saying 'I'm baffled' and 'I'm genuinely confused' to call that 'I think you're stupid' and all of the other really shitty commentary your friend put on those emails is… well, it's a choice. And at first I thought this must be someone out of pocket and white-knighting for you so I was not going to hold you to account for what they said, but then when I went to go block them, I saw your comments, and your posts, so. Yeah, that's fun and cute.

Anyway, the email absolutely did not "explicitly say" that we would be picking from our stock. What it said was, as follows:

"Emet just spent a week going through our entire stock of fabric, adding all of the new patterns & figuring out which designs must be discontinued since the fabrics can't be ordered anymore. She's got all of the closeout heat & cold packs prepped - ready to fill & ship - and you can get one of the discontinued prints FREE with the purchase of any regular-price heating pad, no code required! When they're gone, they're gone, so don't wait! Order by December 14th for domestic heat & cold pack delivery estimated by 12/24."

This section is followed by a selection of 9 New Heat & Cold Pack Patterns, labeled "New Heat & Cold Pack Patterns," followed by another section marked "Closeout Options!" which had 5 of the then 15-20 Closeout patterns, all labeled with CLOSEOUT at the front of the name.

After this was our legally-required footer with our mailing address and the unsubscribe link.

Nowhere in there does it explicitly say that we will be picking the item for you. In fact, it says "you can get one of the discontinued prints free," which would seem to imply you need to pick something.

I'm not sure why I should have assumed that sending you a screenshot would be something inaccessible to you when you… sent me a screenshot. Nobody said you were incompetent. Nobody said you were stupid. Nobody said blind people can't take screenshots. I mean, you took a screenshot of the email that you said explicitly said something it does not at all say, so clearly you personally can take a screenshot, and find that to be a useful tool in communicating. Why would I have thought that responding in kind would be something inaccessible to you? I haven't a clue, but what I do know is that my wife just walked downstairs after her full sleep cycle and said, "Is this still that person?" so … yeah.

I've refunded this order & closed your customer account. It's genuinely worth it to me at this point to lose the money so I never again have to deal with a person who chooses to try to tell me falsehoods about the content of an email that I just told you that I wrote. No further responses will be received by any of our staff.

Spider

I’m not going to waste more time reading paragraphs of you insulting me over not understanding your esoteric definition of closeout and deciding that a blind person can’t be blind if they can take a screenshot. I had a simple question, I practically resolved it myself, and between my first email and the next you leapt to conclusions and treated me like dirt for the crime of not having access to information you never provided in am accessible way.  I choose to speak with a trusted friend over the situation the same way you would speak to your own partners. it was up to them what they did with your own words. Whatever fallout comes of this is on you. I’ve made sure the blind community is aware of your discrimination and as far as I’m concerned that’s the end of this. I hope your shipping costs I never even asked about were worth the income you've lost from me and my extended community since that tiny amount of money appears to be all you care about. 

Razz T. 

Razz,

Go away.

[paperlignes]

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS (2019-2024) SEASON 6, EPISODE 5: NANDOR'S ARMY

[radiance1]

Another link to this post. Meet the parents style.

So, Danny and Jason have been fake dating for a while now, and ended up marrying each other solely for tax benefits. Also, they got cool ass fucking friendship rings that they just couldn't not wear everywhere and being married is convenient so...

Anywho, so Jason has met Danny's parents but Danny hasn't met Jason's parents. Danny knows that he has some ties with the vigilantee scene due to being a Crime Lord-he still doesn't know what to think of his parents connecting the dots immediately when they only met him once while it took him more than that while living with the guy.

He thinks Jason may have been an ex-vigilantee at some point before turning to crime.

Then Danny gets blinded by rich people aura when he finds out that his bestfriend is the long thought dead child of Bruce Wayne. Frankly, he's insulted.

You mean to tell him that his could've been buying ice cream from that high class place all this time!? He shook (literally he grabbed and shook him) that point into Jason, he doesn't care that Jason never told him he was rich but he could've at least bought some high class ice cream once in a while.

Jason who was busy solidifying his power as a crime lord, avoiding his family and making sure not to leak his identity at all: I'm a literal crime lord, and the only thing you care about is me not buying you ice cream?

Danny: YES!!!!

Jason: Dork.

Right anyways, so Jason takes Danny along to meet Bruce and his fam but did say as soon as he started being uncomfortable they're leaving. The batfam is a bit blindsided by Danny, because they thought Jason was bringing his partner but its good to also get a feel for Danny's personality.

Danny and Jason did what's normal for them when Danny starts getting comfortable around the manor full of things that cost waaay more than his rent. Like half-heartedly insulting each other, being snarky, leaning on each other and other such things.

The batfam start thinking that there's more there than they know of. So they start watching a bit closer and ask a few round about questions that fly over Danny and Jason's heads. They just forget they're married often, unless it's regarding taxes.

All of this sends the wrong message when they walk into the same room and, being nosy, one of the batfam comes up to the door and uh. They hear the bed moving quite a lot.

So.

Meanwhile, Jason is trying to wrestle with Danny because this man does not pick a lane. He'll either be the human octopus (who is cold as hell) Jason has ever seen, he'll try to kick him off the bed in his sleep as if Jason personally offended him in some way, or he'll sleep in some wacky position that interrupts Jason's sleep. The last one is tied to the other two, however.

So, Jason has to frequently wrestle this man into a proper position where they both manage to get some sleep and it wouldn't have been so bad if Danny wasn't a goddamn sleep fighter. He would know, he had to nurse a bruised jaw for a few weeks.

Why do they sleep together? Listen, when you're in an apartment with not a lot of money, you gotta cut costs where you can alright?

[humanmorph]

"[high pitched and tinny] Let’s dive in. Let’s dive in. It’s time to dive in. Get ready to [audio distorts and slows] dive. Diiive. Diiiiie…" (The Road to PALISADE 20: City Planning Department)

so that's what i've been working on for the past 2 weeks! i wanted to draw something for this intro ever since i first listened to it (as a companion piece to my other gur drawing, though it of course ended up being way bigger in scale), but it only really gripped me about halfway through PALISADE ep 18. the next morning after that i listened to this narration on repeat for about 45 minutes and then made a big sketch on 4 sheets of paper at my desk at work.

anyways, i haven't listened to the new episode yet but i think i'm probably ready for whatever they're gonna throw at us with the next sortie. i'm gonna believe, against it all, in millennium break. for gur

(i recommend listening along while scrolling! + transcript btw. if anything is hard to read)

[officerwhitmore]

Tony’s dark eyes had never been as shrewd as when Vince declared him worthy of his trust. Narrowing slightly, they searched Vince’s face much in the way Vince had been searching his from the moment he entered the apartment. Not for the first time, but perhaps now more than ever, Vincent wondered what exactly the man was thinking. Was he, too, skeptical of Vince’s intentions? Certainly. After all, he had admitted to wondering what Vince’s ‘deal’ was earlier, and for all the laughter Vince had managed to evoke with his Scientology deflection, he’d hardly provided an answer even if Tony had been reading between the lines. What was it he’d qualified the joke with? ’I could come up with some ridiculous cover story like, ‘I’d rather eat Trump’s ass than remain celibate for the rest of my life.’’ Funny, but hardly the whole truth. Other than that, Tony only knew that Vince was a cop with a wife, a kid, maybe some emotional issues, and some very strong homosexual tendencies beneath his basic heterosexual white guy surface.

Only now, watching Tony watch him, did it occur to Vince that Tony had just as much of a reason to be skeptical of Vince as Vince did of him — especially if he did have a criminal record. Fucking a cop, not to mention a married one, was the kind of move a guy like Tony only made if he was stupid, thrill-seeking, or desperate. Stupid? Not in the slightest. Vince had yet to truly pick his brain, but judging by his knowledge of cooking, his bilingualism, and his articulate manner of speech, he was more intelligent than most people were likely to presume upon first glance. Desperate? That was more feasible. He didn’t have much money to his name, didn’t seem to have much of a social life (at least on the surface), and possibly even had low self-esteem if his willingness to sleep with someone like Vince was any indication. Thrill-seeking? Definitely. But maybe not now, at this stage in his life, when everything seemed a little sad, a little gray, a little lonely. Perhaps sometime in his past, before that fall from grace that swept him out of his HOA neighborhood and into this lackluster apartment. But his nipple piercings, knife-pulling, and even his dangerous, sexy fucking smirk told Vince that once upon a time, Tony was a man who had lived on the edge. Maybe that was part of the reason why he’d let Vince into his world for an afternoon. Lonely, desperate, and in search of a low-stakes risk to make him feel alive again. A warm, pliant body. A hole — or pair of holes — to fuck. And Vincent, pathetic as ever, was more than happy to be a body for him. In fact, he wanted it more than he’d wanted anything in ages.

Vince chuckled when Tony said he’d hold Vince to his promise of reimbursing him for the cost of a bent spatula. According to Tony, a good spatula was expensive. Somehow Vince doubted that, but what did he know, really? He hadn’t been the one in charge of stocking the kitchen when he and Stella had first moved in together. She’d taken that task upon herself, and he’d done other things, like assembling the heavy furniture. Back then, they’d worked well as partners — sometimes, Vince couldn’t believe it. Some days, it seemed like a fucking miracle that they’d ever gotten along well enough to conceive June. In 2013, they’d won tickets to the Chicago Bulls NBA semifinals game, and Stella had bet him a blowjob that Nate Robinson would outscore Lebron. Vince took the bet, lost the bet, and ended up fucking her anyway, pounding her against the sink in the family bathroom as Justin Timberlake’s Suit & Tie blared throughout the arena at a deafening volume. Nothing like the lyrics, ’ooo, so thick, now I know why they call it a fatty’ to set the mood for conceiving a child.

Something softened in Tony’s eyes when Vincent laughed at his joke about Catholics. Vincent only saw it in bursts, catching blurry glances of his face in between peals of laughter, but it was there — that fascination, that dangerous thing that had been in his eyes when he’d watched Vincent dance. Vince would never be able to read the man’s mind, but some things came close. Wordless things, like touching his face or gripping his hair or sharing his breath as their mouths slid together in a sloppy, desperate kiss. Vincent wanted that again. He wanted to push the table out of the way and tug him to his feet and make that connection — dive right into him, drink his thoughts from the source because his eyes alone were so enigmatic. Enough of the talking, enough of the bullshit, let’s do this already. But it wasn’t time yet. Vince would have to be patient.

Vincent returned Tony’s glittering grin when Tony said the company in hell should be pretty fun at the rate they were going. He could get used to the man calling him fun. It’d been ages since anyone had told him anything similar, and coming from Tony’s lips, the words were precious as gold. “I wouldn’t speak so soon if I were you, man,” Vince joked. “You haven’t heard me burst into song yet. Until you’ve heard me try to sing Emotions by Mariah Carey, you haven’t known true suffering. You’ll wish you’d never made that joke about Catholics.” He was talking himself down a little for comedic effect — he’d been told before that he was a decent singer — but no one could hit those high notes like she did. Even Vince, who’d spent a few years in the youth choir at his Baptist church, sounded like a dying animal when he attempted Mariah’s whistle notes. Even June had covered her ears.

Vincent snorted a little as Tony slowly registered his use of the term ‘mayosapiens.’ He’d seen it online somewhere, possibly while doomscrolling Reddit. He’d always wanted to try it on someone, but had never found the right opportunity. It was nice to see it land; Tony’s chuckle paid off more than enough. Perhaps Vincent should’ve been concerned by the amount of joy he took in making the man laugh. It was like he was hanging on his every word, studying his smallest reactions, eager to impress. Which, for him, was beyond unusual. After living in this town for over a decade, Vincent had met everyone there was to meet, had gone everywhere there was to go, and his job had afforded him so many unique encounters, nothing and no one surprised him. It suddenly occurred to him as strange, then, that he’d never run into Tony in town before all of this. Tony had made mention of his ‘new’ used couch, and at least once, he’d referred to how he’d ‘wound up’ here in a way that seemed to imply that he’d only arrived in Coldwater fairly recently. It was yet another puzzle piece Vince would add to his collection. He’d only spoken to the man for a few days, and the pile of clues was growing larger by the minute.

Then came Tony’s explanation as to why Vincent looked like the type to enjoy a White Russian. ’You know what I mean,’ he prefaced, which instantly made Vincent laugh because no, he didn’t. When Tony continued, Vincent was baffled, amazed, astonished, and somewhat impressed with himself when it was revealed that he’d somehow managed to come across as someone who had their shit together to a man who had seen him burst into tears on the job only a few days earlier. The feeling was only positive for a few moments, slowly dissipating into suspicion, and then into something that dangerously resembled insult. Was Tony fucking with him? He had to be fucking with him. More specifically, he had to be mocking him — although even Vince had to acknowledge that that was an uncharitable way to interpret it. Fucking with someone did not strictly equal mockery. Deep down, he knew Tony hadn’t meant any offense, but the hurt somehow remained, a low, burning ache in his chest that made his smile shrivel up into a frown.

Vincent breathed a chuckle when Tony gestured at himself, saying that he was the tequila type while conspicuously leaving out any justifications for it, an obvious attempt at humor that would’ve landed better had Vincent not crawled inside his own head and convinced himself of an insult when there was none to be found. Tapping his fingernails on the table, he looked down, pulling in a deep breath, realizing all over again how unready he was for any of this. The anxiety, the insecurity, the feelings of inadequacy… it all suffocated him. Even if he were divorced, single, and in Tony’s apartment under completely non-adulterous circumstances, Stella had fucked up his sense of self so thoroughly, it was almost impossible for him to engage in a hookup like this without falling victim to the pit of self-hatred their marriage had created in him. He’d never exactly been confident, had never been a leader, but he certainly hadn’t been so profoundly pathetic. Surely it couldn’t all be blamed on Stella. Maybe it was what he’d been destined to become. Maybe it was who he’d been all along.

Vincent looked back up when Tony declared he’d been bullshitting him. Something about the man’s smile made Vincent smile back, even if it was uncertain, even if he didn’t quite feel like it. This time, when Tony called him handsome, Vincent was present enough to comprehend it properly, the compliment bringing a faint heat to his face. It didn’t shock him that Tony had never had a White Russian, but it did come to him as a disappointment on Tony’s behalf. He was missing out. “Maybe if I’d met you in Chicago thirteen years ago, I’d pull you back to my apartment in Marina City and make you one myself,” Vincent said, making his voice sound optimistic. “We’d drink it on the balcony, you’d complain about the snow, and I’d make you laugh. Or try to.” His smile turned wider, more confident, and he tilted his head, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “I’m sure we’d find a way to warm up after. We’d get creative.”

It was a stupid hypothetical, but it was one that brought him joy nonetheless. A world without Stella. A world in which he’d gone his own way and picked up whoever he wanted and never ended up stuck in his miserable marriage. Again, a stupid, useless fantasy. Tony would’ve hated Chicago.

Vincent broke into a laugh when Tony said he knew he’d lure him back in with donuts. “What do you mean, ‘lure me back?’ I’ve been here the whole time.” Chuckling at his own dad joke, he facetiously widened his eyes in alarm as Tony pointed at him with a chip.

Picking up and chewing on a chip of his own, he nodded along as Tony detailed his work schedule — a long, busy work schedule with hardly any time off and inconsistent hours that varied between all times of the day. Vincent felt his expression sober as he looked at Tony, a hint of the concern he’d felt at the traffic stop returning to him. He opened his mouth, nearly daring to ask whether he’d visited the food pantry he’d recommended, but decided against it. It wasn’t any of Vincent’s business, and there was a chance it might be misconstrued as an insult. When Tony mentioned using what little money he had to buy liquor, Vincent felt himself frown a little despite his attempts to remain judgment-free. The man was clearly in poor financial condition and didn’t have the money to spend on such vices, but Vincent was more than familiar with the paradox of poverty. Some impoverished people sought comfort in things like booze and cigarettes just to numb themselves against the shittiness of their reality. Vincent didn’t approve, but he did sympathize. Perhaps before he killed himself, he’d get Tony’s Cash App, PayPal, or Zelle and send him a few thousand dollars from his savings. Something to get him back on his feet, something June’s college fund wouldn’t miss. Of course, Stella would notice, but it wouldn’t matter once she got the life insurance payout. $200,000 had to be good enough.

Vincent was glad when his Playboy story was received well, smiling when Tony chuckled and shook his head at the foolishness of Vincent’s youth. When Tony launched into a story of his own, Vincent picked up another nacho — the last one left on his plate — and chewed quietly, tilting his head and listening with rapt attention. He’d never visited Texas — had never really been outside of the city for the majority of his pre-Washington life — but something about Tony’s storytelling painted a vivid picture of a place Vincent had never seen in his life. Chunky white trailers on grassy lots divided by a gravel road, the surrounding area speckled with thick oak trees, the ground dotted with acorns crushed by sneakers and the wheels of old pickup trucks. For some reason, the area was shady — not just safety-wise, but literally, the sky cloudy and overcast, ground dark with a recent rain. Vincent had only been inside a trailer while on the job, the place ransacked and dotted with used needles, the scratched coffee table smeared with blood and coke. In his mind’s eye, he saw a dark-haired boy staring wide-eyed through his bedroom window, curtains clutched in both hands, body shrouded in darkness, thin face lit up by moonlight and the distant glow of his neighbor’s television. It was times like these that Vincent wished he didn’t have the mind of a cop. Chances were, in Tony’s mind, this story was innocent. In Vince’s mind, this Freddie had committed a crime by unintentionally exposing a child to inappropriate visual content — and there was a non-zero chance that this Freddie had actually been aware of it. Some of the worst days of Vincent’s life had involved men like that. It took a fair bit of effort to resist the urge to shudder.

In lieu of joining Tony in a toast — he couldn’t quite bring himself to praise a criminal — Vincent grinned and chuckled at him, shaking his head and watching his Adam’s apple bob as he took a drink from his water bottle, a small flash of heat sparking low in his gut. “I like the way you tell stories,” he said, and it was true, his voice sincere, earnest. He put on a smirk to make up the awe in his own voice. “It’s like I’m right there with you on a rainy night, nose pressed to the window, watching gay porn on Freddie’s TV from across the trailer park.” He giggled at his own joke, picking up his bottle and absently fiddling with the plastic cap, mirroring Tony’s idle habit, though unaware of it. “Not to sound like a fucking boomer or anything, but it’s incredible how easy kids have it these days. Anytime they want, they can just Google ‘anime titties’ and about 20,000 pictures of cat girls with boobs the size of beach balls will pop up within five seconds. Fucking unfair, if you ask me.” Laughing as he spoke, Vincent shoved down to urge to reveal his true discomfort with the topic — this wasn’t exactly the time or place to divulge his concerns about children getting exposed to pornography, especially as a parent of a young, impressionable little girl, but he supposed that was the habit he was stuck with. If he joked about something enough, he could ignore how uncomfortable it actually made him.

Something predatory entered Tony’s eyes, pink tongue darting out to lick his soft, warm lips, leaving them bright and slick and perfectly kissable. It was almost embarrassing how quickly the sight of it pulled Vince in, his mind instantly wiped of all sense, a match striking low in his gut. Of course he remembered that night. He remembered the anxiety in his chest with each message, the heat in his gut as they flirted, the throb in his cock with every innuendo and word and — god, and the things Tony had said to him. Things like, ’You better not keep quiet. The noise is the best part.’ It made Vince wonder, for a moment, how Tony had felt when Vince came undone in his hands, moaning and trembling and babbling nonsense like someone drugged. Had it pressed his buttons just right? Had it satisfied him?

Vincent chuckled a little at the mention of him going off to bed. That might’ve been what he told Tony, but the reality had been different. He’d returned to June’s side on the couch and walked her through another few levels of Battletoads until she fell asleep while he’d taken the controller. She’d been resting against him, curled up in the blanket he’d brought to keep them warm, and Vince hadn’t had the willpower to take her to her room and sleep next to Stella. He’d turned off the console, moved her a little, and laid behind her with an arm wrapped around her middle, the two of them cuddled close in the dark living room as the breeze rattled the trees outside.

Vincent pushed the memory away, forcing himself to focus on Tony alone, banishing the guilt of his own betrayal to another time, another day. He looked Tony up and down as he pushed his plate away and crossed his arms on the table, his eyes drawn to the fine, dark fuzz that covered him, muscles tight beneath tanned skin, a black tattoo half-covered by the table, the image incomplete. Suddenly, Vince wanted to touch it, admire it, kiss it. But he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus for long. His mouth would be drawn to the man’s soft lips soon enough.

Perhaps it wasn’t quite the right time, but Vince couldn’t quite stifle an aborted snort at the mention of Pornhub. It was so out of the blue, it made him snicker a little, but his grin was wide and genuine, face flushing hot, his gut going hotter. He made an inelegant sound at the words ’hard and needy,’ his mind invaded with the image of Tony writhing in a mixture of arousal and discomfort, cock straining against his boxers, muscles tight, eyes darker than sin, lips parted as he gasped for breath. God, just the thought of a man like this being needy for anything made Vince’s cock come to life, swelling slow and gradual, turning his pants tight. Vincent felt his own breaths come out harder, thicker, as Tony described sliding down his pants, his cock thick and hard against his bare stomach as he pulled up his shirt in turn. He could almost see the cold steel pierced through his nipples, gleaming in the light of his phone screen, untouched, neglected. Vincent could’ve been there. He could’ve pinched them and twisted them and flicked his tongue over them firm and slow; could’ve puckered his lips around them and teased them with his teeth; could’ve made Tony beg him to use that tongue on his cock and turned him down, made him wait, left him needy.

Vincent bit his lip as Tony described his hand on his cock, stroking up and down its impressive length, slowly, gradually, letting it build as he watched two men ‘go at it’ on a couch. And Vince shouldn’t have been jealous about that, but he was — just a little, just a bit. It could’ve been him. Him with his hands around that massive cock, wet mouth sucking at the tip. Or him on that phone screen in the form of some suggestive image of his chest or a video of his cock in his hand, still wet with shower water, hard as a diamond as Vince’s fist pumped and twisted, the bathroom echoing with his moans. Vince couldn’t decide which part made him more jealous — the fact that he hadn’t been there, or the fact that Tony had been watching other men. He decided it was the first one. It simply made more sense. If Vince were Tony, he, too, would rather watch a porn star than imagine having sex with a man as plain as Vince was. It only made it more pathetic, then, that Vince hadn’t needed porn to get off to Tony at all. All he’d needed was the memory of the man’s voice and his own vivid imagination.

Vince’s jealousy didn’t make the image any less arousing. He was still hard in his pants, cock aching to be gripped, to be touched, the ghost of Tony’s rough palm still a vivid tactile memory. Vincent’s smile turned into a grin as Tony revealed that he’d been thinking about him, the revelation cooling off some of the discomfort in his gut and turning his face scarlet. He couldn’t help but look down, where he’d pushed his own plate away, hands rubbing together hard while his mind had been occupied. He chuckled a little at Tony’s suggestion of lending a hand, biting his lip and picking up the unfinished crane so he wouldn’t bruise himself rubbing his hands like that. It was difficult to keep his hands steady as he folded, especially at the mental image of Tony’s cock spilling over his fist, painting his chest with pearly white splashes of cum Vincent wished he could’ve been there to taste.

Casting his eyes up at Tony for a moment, watching him through dark lashes, Vincent chuckled, the sound breathy and dark, before looking back down at his work. “I knew you weren’t actually charging your phone.” Still grinning to himself, he took a deep, steadying breath. He needed to gather his thoughts. Needed to finish this stupid fucking crane before his brain lost all capability of thinking of anything other than Tony’s cock. Licking his lips, he completed the final fold, picking up the crane and turning it around with two fingers, looking it over for any imperfections. It was perfect for what it was. The ‘Murica napkin might’ve been garish, the red-white-and-blue pattern strange on the body of a work so elegant, but it served its purpose well enough. Vincent set the crane down in the middle of the table and met Tony’s eyes, smiling, wordless. It was a gift. Something for the man to remember him by when Vince disappeared. It was the least he could do to thank him.

“You wanna know a secret?” Vince kept his eyes on Tony, leaning back in his chair and raising his hands to fiddle with the top button of his shirt, fingers slow, deliberate. “My favorite thing about taking a shower these days is imagining that you’re in there with me. It wasn’t until earlier that I really knew what to imagine, really knew what you felt like, and the real thing is so much fucking better.” He licked his lips and pulled his eyes away from Tony, breathing a tiny laugh as he slipped open the next button. “I kept imagining… your beard against my chin. Your hands on my ass.” Another button, another laugh, almost a giggle, as his skin turned burning hot. “You wound your fingers in my hair and shoved your cock in my mouth until I choked.” He pulled in a deep breath and forced himself to meet Tony’s eyes, the cool air hitting his chest as each button came undone. “I don’t choke easy — I was serious about the banana thing — but your cock was so huge, I could barely take it.” His voice was low, gravel-rough, and he felt his grin falter a little as his own cock twitched hard. “But you made me.”

Vincent stood up slowly, carefully, shirt fully unbuttoned, still tucked into his pants which were tight with the mass of his throbbing cock. He glanced down for an instant and saw it straining against the white fabric, an obvious line up the length of his pelvis, and was almost satisfied that in these pants, it looked fairly impressive. “God, I’m hard just thinking about it,” he breathed, looking back up at Tony. He stepped around the table, watching for Tony’s every reaction as he slowly approached. “I put my fingers in my mouth, like you did to me earlier, just to imagine how it would feel to suck you down. I wish I could say I drew it out like you, but I didn’t.” Stopping in front of Tony, he looked down into his dark eyes, acutely aware that in this position, he could pull Tony forward and press his face against his cock, let him kiss and lick him through the fabric until he couldn’t stand the teasing anymore. Indulging in that fantasy, just a little, just a bit, he smoothed his fingers through Tony’s thick, dark hair and gripped it softly, his gaze falling to his lips. “I couldn’t fucking help myself. I came as hard and as fast as I could. And I did that every fucking day.”

Tony had no idea how he was supposed to react to Vince’s comment that he could think of no better role model than the Joker. It wasn’t that he disagreed. Anyone half-sane who saw that last Joker movie could have empathized with the guy. Hell, most people probably felt a little jealous of someone’s ability to just stop giving a fuck. Admittedly, there was a lure, a pull, that ‘the dark side’ of life had. It was more than just not giving a fuck anymore. It was going after exactly what you wanted, and actively burning the world in your wake. Why exactly someone would want to burn the world was slightly different for everyone, but it usually came down to the same core idea: the person was hurting, and they were going to make everyone around them hurt too.

He knew that feeling intimately well. As he studied Vince’s face, stealing glances and then staring more closely when he could, he wondered what kind of hurts Vince had. That cut on his face the other night was a pretty good indication his life wasn’t perfect behind closed doors.

Why bother disclosing he had weapons at home? And why in the world did Tony look like someone trustworthy? It made him wonder what Vince actually meant: like Tony wasn’t the type to lie, that he wasn’t the type to be dangerous or violent, or that he was the type to think with his dick first so Vince would remain safe as long as he was willing to play this game? It was probably the last one, in all honesty. He’d spent his life making sure he looked dangerous with the way he was built and carried himself, and he was a liar through and through. Maybe Vince was just too busy thinking with his dick too.

God, they were both idiots. Knowing this wasn’t enough to get him to stop, though.

“I’ll hold you to that. A good spatula is expensive.” Not really, the stuff you could grab at Wal-Mart was passable for home cooking even if not great. It kept his response light and humorous, because the alternative would have been to have a discussion about home defense. He didn’t need to disclose what he did or did not have in his shitty little shoebox apartment. Namely, that he had no firearms (the FBI had seen to that, it was all confiscated) but he knew how to throw a punch and use a knife, and that was all that he needed. Probably best not to go down that train of thought.

Tony’s mind was kept from spiraling into a dark place by Vince’s unreserved laughter. It was so… real. Honest. More honest than he could ever be, and ever had been, with anyone. The urge to reach across the table and hold his hand was so overwhelming, he picked up his water bottle and fiddled with the cap to stop himself.

“The company in hell should be pretty fun at this rate.” He offered Vince a grin, aware of the flicker of sadness that crossed Vince’s face. Maybe the comment about seeing him again made him think of his family again, about what he was really doing here. It was hard to know what comments or what words would trigger that thought, and it made him second-guess everything he was saying even more than he already was.

“Mayo-” The word caught him off-guard, his mind buffering for a moment while he processed the term that he’d never heard before. He couldn’t help but snort a chuckle at that laugh. No doubt Vince was serious in his own way about that apology, he didn’t seem like an asshole in that way, but there wasn’t much else he expected Vince could say about it. It probably said a lot that both of them seemed to see or experience a society filled with bullshit and all they could say was ’sorry, sometimes that’s how it is.’

Hate sucks, inequality sucks, pass the salsa por favor.

“You know what I mean. Stylish, handsome, has-his-shit-togther… mayosapien. Drinks a White Russian.” He motioned to Vince with one hand, the other tapping his fingers against the water bottle. “And… drinks tequila.” He then motioned to himself, not feeling the need to add anything else to his statement about his own situation. “I’m just bullshitting you, don’t worry. I’ve never had a White Russian, they could be fantastic for all I know. I meant it about the handsome part though, don’t get me wrong.”

“Aha, I knew I’d lure you back in with doughnuts.” He pointed at Vince with a cheese-laden chip, down to the last bits and blobs on his plate of what remained of his meal. “Yeah, I work mornings. And afternoons. And evenings. Honestly, any shift they need me, I’ll do it, for the money. I try and give myself at least one day a week off, for my sanity - and for errands. Unlike in El Paso, not everything around here is open twenty-four-seven. At least I can buy liquor on Sundays here, though. You can’t in Texas. Just beer and wine, and only during certain times.”

Tony kicked himself mentally for bringing up alcohol, when Vince had already declined some earlier, but his self-admonishment dissipated from his brain entirely when Vince called him a brilliant cook. He couldn’t think of the last time anyone called him a brilliant-anything, let alone a compliment for something that was actually legal and moral (or at least morally neutral). “Well, your choice of chips was excellent - and yes, it did work out perfectly in the end. Your sweaty victory sex is not at risk, not over any bad chip choice.”

Vince’s story about burning water had him chuckling and shaking his head. Being a kid was not awesome but maybe it was more awesome than some things he’d experienced. “A little distracted huh? I bet. I’m surprised you even remembered you were hungry. When I was younger, we lived in a trailer park. Right smack in the middle of it, trailers on all sides. This guy - in his late twenties or early thirties I think, maybe a little older - lived alone in the trailer on the lot behind us. If I opened the curtains in my bedroom, I could see his living room. Turns out the guy had satellite television so he got all kinds of channels. Most nights, real late, he’d switch it over to some porn channel. He never bothered to close his curtains. I got a great view of the screen. Damn shame he kept it muted.” Tony shrugged, giving Vince a lopsided grin. “Didn’t see tits - already seen those anyway - but that was the first time I realized gay porn existed.”

Cap off his water bottle, he raised the bottle a little in a mock toast. “A toast, in thanks to Freddie for that one.” He took a swig of his water and sat it down, spinning the cap back on. “Nah, not oversharing…” He trailed off, looking Vince over with a mischievous glint in his eye, licking his lips. He hadn’t threatened to run off again. He’d laughed, they’d talked, he seemed comfortable again. Hell, the conversation had taken a few weird, personal, honest twists and turns and Vince was still there. Maybe it was his turn to share a bit more.

“You know, that night you were texting me and we sat this up? I was laying on the couch over there watching television… and when you went off to bed, you kind of left me high and dry. Or maybe a better thing to say is, a little blueballed.” Pushing his plate away, Tony leaned forward and rested his crossed arms on the table in front of him. He didn’t put too much weight on the table, always afraid the damn thing would buckle.

“I don’t have a computer, but I do have a smartphone. I hit up Pornhub since you left me hard and needy.” Tony lowered his voice a bit, studying Vince’s face as he spoke, wanting to see his reactions to this story - wanting, and needing, to see if just talking about it could turn him on again.

“Wasn’t long before I had my hand down my pants. Then I thought, hey, my apartment, I’m alone, why not just… slide ‘em down out of the way? So I did.” He paused for a moment to watch Vince’s reactions before continuing.

“Pushed my shirt up to my chest too - it was getting hot in here. Anyway…. I didn’t have to scroll long, thankfully. Hell I mean, my hand was already around my dick and stroking, I would probably have taken damn near anything that wasn’t terrible. But I found one - two guys going at it on a couch.” He left out the part that he picked it specifically because one of the guys was clean shaven, nice-looking, and had hair that kind of reminded him of Vince both in color and style.

“I had a real nice jack-off session that evening, thanks to you winding me up. Took my time with it, let it build instead of rushing to the finish line.” He bit his lower lip a moment, briefly looking away before returning his eyes to Vince. “You want to know what oversharing is? I thought about you while I jerked off.” He grinned and licked his lower lip. “Thinking about doing it again, honestly, unless you’d like to lend a hand. Also, the lesson learned here is that pushing my shirt up was a good idea, otherwise I would have made a mess of that when I came.”

[shannonsketches]

Why is the anime so weird, it's not even the same series dude?? It's like,

Anime:

GOKU: I have a great idea to bring peace to the universe, and my leadership and compassion alone will unite us all. I have No Flaws and am A True Relatable Everyman :)

VEGETA: NO! I AM THE BEST AND I WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS SUCH!!!!

Manga:

GOKU: Vegeta what's cornmeal made of? I know it's what the corn eats, but what's it made of? VEGETA: Hey Kakarot let's play the quiet game until one of us dies.

[abyssal-glory]

vector portrait for digital imaging class of RGB!! hey go read The Property of Hate if you haven’t already btw it’s an amazing comic by @modmad that i’ve been hotglued to since my junior year of high school.

big thank you to mod for giving their permission/blessing to wrestle with this horrible tv bastard in adobe illustrator for the express purpose of shilling him and this comic to my unsuspecting class <3

(edit: god okay pls click for fullscreen. hogy shit)

[sun-cube]

it's literally 6am dude i could NOT fall asleep after reading @uhohbestie's newest chapter (16) of TAMN are you kidding??

[ceask]

My cat always scratches at doors at random times in the night. Usually around 2, 4, and 6am. That's because this little bitch doesn't have a regular sleeping pattern and takes power naps, and gets a little concerned when she wakes up at night and everyone else is just. Not there??? We're not walking around, we're not talking, we're in our rooms alone and we're sleeping??? My cat cannot comprehend it.

And you know who else takes power naps instead of sleeping at night? You know who I snatched that headcanon from? (Pretty sure it was Dark)

Dust.

Dust literally saves everyone from Killer's cats scratching at doors and waking them up in the middle of the night. His sleeping patterns coincidentally matched up with the cats. So when a cat is wandering around, it would usually just scratch into Dust's room and calm down. Bonus if Dust and Killer actually share a room, and when they go to sleep all the cats are with Killer and when they wake up they're all with Dust. (Upsets Killer to no end.)

Okay, from here cw/tw? for schizophrenia and a semi-detailed hallucination episode

With my headcanon that Dust has schizophrenia, this would be an absolute nightmare for him.

A symptom of schizophrenia is hearing voices and sounds that aren't there. His main hallucination would be Phantom, and I've read that the voices schizophrenic people hear are usually far away. Like they are literally in the walls/srs.

Now imagine Dust hallucinating Phantom, while also hearing cats scratch at his door. Do you know how badly it would fuck with him. He would hear a voice from the wall, and assume that someone is trying to crawl into his room and scratch open the walls. So he just sits on his bed and hyperventilates. Bonus if the episode would involve physical hallucinations, with hands roaming on his face, head, shoulders, neck. And then with the sound of the scratching his brain would automatically make him feel nails scraping at his arms and legs.

[liquidstar]

sleepovers save money on hotel rooms while on missions 👍