#anyway i fucking love legos and airplanes

[bitchapalooza]

Some ADHD headcanons I guess (coming from someone with ADHD btw)

America:

He takes medication to help manage his ADHD however he does often forget.

More often than not, it's either a simple call or text from Canada asking if he's taken it yet or its his cool little alien roommate that shoves his meds catty into his face like "take the fucking capsule take the fucking capsule take the fuc" until he finally takes it.

America's stims are: rocking or swaying back and forth or side to side, waving his arms when excited or uncomfortable/frustrated, when incredibly anxious he uses a small beanbag he carries around to feel the beads inside as it helps him ground himself from getting overestimated.

One of his biggest, long lasting, hyperfixations is airplanes! He loves watching them take off and fly, taking them apart and studying them then putting it all back together by hand, making model planes to display, flying them himself— go ahead and ask him about airplanes, he'll get the biggest smile you've ever seen!

America didn't know, for the longest time, that what he has been experiencing is overstimulation. He simply thought he was being a brat about certain situations, what is lashing out and such. Although he understands now that doesn't mean there's any less panic, or at certain times aggression. He tries his best to push through it to get work done as he believes it'll somehow pass faster if he does so. He doesn't get it often thanks to learning how manage it better.

Hypersensitivity issues: tags in clothes, long sleeves that grasp too tightly(tight used loosely as to him tight is something like a bracelet) to his wrist, slimey or sticky things.

People who help him best: Canada, England(to his best abilities), Lithuania, Romano, and Japan.

North Italy

Vene does not take medication. He simply forgets too often and is too self conscious about telling people he takes medication, even to his own brother. He'd just like that to stay private is all. If he forgets so much to the point of the meds expiring with barely any use, he'd rather not take them all.

Instead, Vene had learned how to keep his own focus. He hangs up sticky note reminders or has a digital to-do list synced on his phone and laptop as he's always on them for work anyway. He's learned association words to go with dates and whatevers scheduled for those dates. It's not the greatest but at least he's not wasting anything that could very well go to someone else who needs it.

Vene's stims are: waving his arms or flapping his hands around, jiggling his leg up and down, humming— sometimes he'll put his hand just below his Adam's apple to feel the vibrations. He chews pencils and pens, jiggles pens and pencils between his fingers too. He'll also pass pens, pencils, straws—basically anything possible— between his fingers back and forth.

Cooking and painting/drawing are the two things he considers his biggest hyperfixations. Cooking he prefers to do on his own mostly as being crowded in one place while having so much to do makes his nerves go nuts. But he doesn't mind company when he's drawing or painting. He actually feels better with company at that point. He tends to get extremely quiet as he concentrates on his art so it gets pretty silent around by default. He likes it when people are around to fill in that space. When asked about cooking and art, he'll ramble and ramble nonstop about his favorite artists or chefs or what have you until he's tired.

Vene gets overstimulated a lot and this is due to his habit of just staying put and doing nothing about what's bothering him or not recognizing the annoyances at all. He gets very squirming, moving around a lot, when overstimulated. But still does nothing which leads to breakdowns that he still tries to ignore is happening. When asked, he'll just say he didn't get enough sleep and leave it at that. He simply doesn't want to broadcast this side of himself in case anyone thinks even lesser of him more than they may or may not do now.

Hypersensitivity issues: certains foods touching(rolls or toast CANNOT be on the same plate as his eggs or anything with sauceon it, absolutely no thank you, they'll get too soggy and v*mit inducing when even looking at it), his socks cannot have seams in them as they run the risk of touching his toes nor can the band be touching his ankles(so he normally wears knee high socks inside out as seamless seem to be hard to find). Most foods he can handle but honestly mashed potatoes give him a lot of anxiety. To him, the texture looks like it'll feel like sandpaper on his tongue. So he avoids it despite never even trying it in the first place.

People who help him best: Romano, Germany(he tries but he only understands the basic textbook definition, not Vene's personal experience; and that's really enough for Vene honestly), Seborga, Japan, and Hungary.

Sealand

He fights Sweden, Finland and England about it but he does take medication. When at Sweden's, he tends to fall on bribing him to take it while Finland has already given up 30 minutes prior. At England's, he manages to get him to take it easily by threatening to take his games away(works every time).

Sealand doesn't really like the medicine as it makes him feel..... run down. He much rather prefers to feel very active all day than to feel like a zombie. But everyone has told him its for his own good so he at least attempts to listen. Key word: ATTEMPTS.

Sealand mostly rocks on his heels, sucks his teeth repeatedly for the sound, or fiddles with the joystick of the stim toy Finland bought him when he stims. He still moves around a lot regardless but he is a kid afterall.

Sealand mostly hyperfixates on his country status, that is true. However, he's also taken a liking to puzzles and legos. He's got about 14 puzzles finished and framed, a tiger puzzle is even hanging in the kitchen(Sweden's) for everyone to see! As for legos, Sealand just really likes to build little cities out of them and pretends their a part of his country. He never uses the people pieces, instead he just collects them and occasionally swaps their hair pieces out between the figures.

He doesn't exactly get overstimulated often. In fact its pretty rare. But when it does happen it's mostly when he's in the big cities surrounded by noisy cars and too many people. He clings as close as possible to whoever he's with, which is most often England. When he's alone, which is a lot as he kind of runs off on his own despite everyone telling him not to, he simply breaks down. Thankfully he has all his contacts in order and no phone lock so its easily accessible for anyone in case of emergency.

Hypersensitivity issues: None of his food can touch so he still uses dividing plates. The textures of broccoli and rice makes him incredibly uncomfortable. He won't eat beans unless he serves his own portion just to make sure it's not TOO goopy. And lastly he refuses to let anyone pick him up— he doesn't like anyone, not even those he considers family, to touch the sides of his stomach and much less under his arms. He says there's just something about it that makes him want to curl up and get away, its incredibly uncomfortable.

People who help him best: Sweden, Finland, England*, Latvia, and Seborga.

*England has better understanding with ADHD in children than he does with adults. As childrens' ADHD tend to be more presentable than adults', England can better recognize it and feels better in helping. ADHD was not a diagnosis prior to the 1900s so England did not know that what America had when he was child was ADHD, he simply believed he was a trouble maker. After taking care of Sealand and getting his diagnosis he later realized the similarities between them both and apologized to America for the harsh berating he gave him as a child. And when America later got his own diagnosis in the early 2000s, England further apologized and offered him as much help as possible while he adjusts with his new diagnosis. He had trouble with America but he at least tries which is all that counts in the end.

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “Mommy”

It was a well known fact The Joker’s girlfriend left him with four young children and disappeared. It was also known that his ex stepped up and took care of them even if she didn’t have to. The King of Gotham might have lost his woman, but he never lost his Queen.

Part 2        Part 3       Part 4      Part 5

You had no idea why The Joker kept on getting her pregnant; she definitely didn’t like to take care of their children nor had any interest in them. But it was none of your business so you kept your mouth shut. J wanted you to continue to work for him and you had no objections: he trusted his ex and you loved what you were doing so it was fine.

They were always fighting and his girlfriend disappeared for days and sometimes even weeks without a phone call or text. The Joker would ask you to babysit Kase while he searched for Anya; the baby was adorable and you didn’t mind.

Even when she was home, you still had to keep an eye on the little one because that woman would simply neglect to change or feed him. J would snap and they would get in such heated arguments you were surprised they didn’t kill each other yet.  If The King of Gotham was the one realizing his kid was lacking the proper nurture, you clearly don’t have too much going on in the motherhood department.

It broke your heart when you would go over to the penthouse and find Kase crying in his crib, hungry and really needing his diaper changed. J was gone with business and she would wonder off God knows where as soon as you stepped inside.

“Oh great, you’re here!” Anya would roll her eyes and sneaked out, leaving without any other explanation.

“Hey buddy, don’t cry. I��m here now,” you used to comfort him and the baby would stop crying as soon as he was changed and fed. Kase sure got a lot of kisses and snuggles since you felt sorry for the poor tiny soul. I mean, what fault did an innocent child had in any of it? None. Absolutely none.

One month after giving birth to the twin boys, Anya was nowhere to be found: three small beings left at their absent mother’s mercy. This time, J didn’t have to ask you to get involved: you offered and he didn’t object. It was exhausting to tend to a toddler and two newborns but you had all the supplies you needed plus help whenever required.

The Joker searched for his woman like crazy and finally found her in Los Angeles and brought her home again. At that point, you were basically staying at the penthouse, raising kids that weren’t yours yet you couldn’t help it. You were attached to them and had the feeling they would end up dead without somebody to care for them.

“Why is she here, hm?” you would hear Anya shout in the middle of the night, the argument escalating with alarming velocity. “Are you fucking her again?”

“I’m not fucking her !!!” he would yell back and it was true. “My ex-girlfriend is here taking care of our children because you don’t !!”

“Why don’t you take care of them? I didn’t get pregnant on my own now, did I?!”

You were sleeping upstairs in the same bedroom with the twins and had to close the door in order not to hear anything anymore. Thank goodness Zane and Aiden were actually pretty good babies, didn’t wake up very often and noise didn’t seem to bother them.

But it pissed you off she was such an ungrateful person! Anya had no idea how many dates you canceled in order to be a surrogate mother to her kids. Your boyfriend lost his patience and dumped you simply because you couldn’t abandon your self-imposed maternal duties.

You and Frost were in charge of J’s security, but you found yourself in charge of his offsprings also. And the bitch was getting on your nerves with her irresponsible and entitled behavior.

When she got pregnant the third time, you got mad. Another kid ??!! Because, you know, things were so great with the first 3!!

Mia was born on a Sunday and Anya vanished two weeks after having her. You were the one that find the note on the kitchen table: “Don’t try to find me, I’m not coming back. Keep the kids.”

The Joker had a terrible fit but didn’t pursuit the idea of going after her, which surprised you in a way. Who knows what was going on in his mind; you didn’t bring up the sensitive subject and J didn’t elaborate more than a few sentences about it.

The Clown Prince of Crime definitely wasn’t the epitome of fatherhood, but he made sure the babies had everything they needed. This desire was mostly coming only from his strong sense of possessiveness: he just knew that they belonged to him and that was it. Besides that, J was completely lost and unable to show anything but very basic emotions, if you could even call them that.

******************

When you are away, the little ones miss you. You just came back after a 5 days trip to New York so the kids follow you around the penthouse like ducklings, wanting attention: a four year old and two year old twins. You are holding the seven month old Mia in your arms and the boys clench to your long dress, stumbling into each other, but not wanting to let go.

“Moooommy,” Kase whines, jealous his sister is getting kisses.

“Mommy, kiss !” Zane pulls on your gown and you have to stop and get down on your knees.

“Who wants kisses?” you smile, letting Mia crawl on the carpet while the boys pucker their lips, impatiently waiting. You snatch all of them in your arms and randomly start kissing them in a frenzy while they giggle, ticklish.

The Joker mutters something on the couch, watching TV. You have an idea about what he might be: he probably made a comment again about the children calling you mommy. You told them to stop calling you that, but they continue to do it. After all, you are the only woman constantly around, taking care of them.

“J ?”

“What?” he bitterly answers.

“Did you even hold them while I was gone?!” you sigh, having a feeling he didn’t since they are so clingy.

“I was busy,” he grumbles, scratching his Batsy tattoo.

“You don’t seem busy now,” you get up, taking Kase’s hand and leading him to his father.”Here,” you help the young boy sit in J’s lap and wrap his arms around his son.

The King of Gotham is not very excited about your move; still he takes a deep breath and asks:

“What’s going on, kid?”

Kase’s eyes get big; he just couldn’t wait for his parent to show some interest in him. The boy starts talking up a storm, something about Legos and his toys. The Joker tries to understand every single word but some are mispronounced and he kind of gets the point, but not entirely.

“U-hum,” he nods his head and the boy rambles on, excited, playing with J’s gold chains.“A-ha, “ he agrees again, intrigued.

“OK daddy?” the question pops up and The Clown Prince of Crime takes the easy way out:

“Ummm….yes?…”

“Yaaayyy, daddy!” and J gets a kiss on the left cheek, then Kase jumps off his lap, running around the living room, screaming and making airplane noises.

“Y/N, what did I just agree to?” a very confused Joker needs to know.

“More toys, especially Legos,” you bring to his knowledge, urging the twins to follow you and you place them on J’s knees.

“Oh, great, because they don’t have enough!” This time he holds them while they bounce their legs, enthusiastic, bickering about who should get more of their father.

“Aiden, don’t slap your brother! How many times did I tell you not to hit each other? If you do that again, you’ll be in trouble!!! Don’t make me repeat myself! J ?? Are you just going to sit there and not react?!!” you scold, picking up Mia since she crawled back to your feet again.

“I think we’re in trouble,” The Joker whispers, rolling his eyes. “Stop fighting I guess,” he enunciates without any trace of enthusiasm. The kids chuckle, pushing one another and cuddling to J’s chest in the process.

“Com’ere, chubby,” the little girl gets a few kisses on her rosy cheeks and she babbles, yawning. “Are you sleepy? I guess it’s time for your nap, hm? Hey J, did the boys eat?”

“Yeah,” he answers, bored and you go to the kitchen, prepare some formula and bring the Princess back. You signal the twins to go play and you place Mia in The Joker’s arms, handing him the bottle.

“Here, feed your daughter.”

He scoffs, not thrilled but does it anyway.

“Aiden, don’t put that in your mouth!” you rush to take the shoe from him and he yells, running to his brothers, taking refuge with everyone under J’s purple coat. They all hide, whispering and thinking that if they can’t see you, you can’t see them either.

“Brats!” you mumble, letting them be for the moment and open the pantry in the hallway. “J ?” you get annoyed, “why do we still have a bunch of baby food with carrots and peas? You know Mia doesn’t like it, I told you to throw it away!”

“I forgot, woman! Give me a break !” he huffs, quite immersed into his current task. The little girl’s eyes wonder off, searching for you and stops sucking from the bottle until she sees you, then begins eating again.

“Moommyyyy,” whining is heard from under the purple coat,” Zane bit me!”

“Don’t bite your brother!” you raise your voice and there is fighting going on and more complaints.

“Mooommyyy, Aiden pinched me!”

Muffled laughter and more quarrel.

“Don’t pinch your brother!” you admonish, taking Mia away from The Joker since she’s fussing and refuses the bottle. “Come on, nap time for everybody!”

The boys emerge from under the jacket, tossing it on the floor and trampling on it, while their father gasps:

“That’s my favorite coat!!!!”

“Moommmyyyy, ice cream?” Zane follows you and you don’t have time to reply because J grouchily interrupts:

“Quit calling her mommy!! She’s not your mother!”

It feels like a slap in the face.

You abruptly stop and the boys bump into you. You turn towards The Joker, your blood boiling with indignation.

“I didn’t teach them to call me that and you know it ! I told them to stop and they won’t ! What do you want me to do, hm?! Glue their lips so they won’t talk?! I know I’m not their mother, you don’t have to remind me!”

J has some elaborated comeback but he doesn’t get the chance to continue because you literally burst out.

“Do you think it’s easy for me to take care of children you had with another woman?! Do you remember what you told me when we were together and I brought up the subject of having kids? You told me you don’t want any!!!! And then you met Anya and you had four !! Which means that you just didn’t want to have children WITH ME in particular ! Do you know how much that hurt?! But I stepped on my pride and raised them for the last four years because I realize they have absolutely no blame in this circus! You don’t like it they call me mommy??! Then bring back that trash-excuse-of-a-girlfriend and make her take care of them!!!!”

The boys shove themselves into you, startled and Mia whimpers, uneasy. You start walking again and J is speechless.

“What the hell was that, Y/N?!” he shouts and you can’t let it go so you extend your tirade. He’s really getting on your nerves.

“In all these years, did you ever thank me for everything I do?! Not even once!!!! And don’t think I’m not aware you sabotage my dates! I know you are saying things to the guys I like, don’t try to deny it!!!!” and you stump up the stairs, get everyone in the twins’ bedroom and slam the door shut.

J takes deep breaths, staring at the ceiling, talking to himself and nothing sounds nice. A few minutes pass and he decides to go after you and barges into the bedroom without knocking. Mia is almost asleep on top of you and the boys are gathered around your body, ready to doze off. They pout, frowning at their father: all they know is daddy said something that upset mommy. You truly look like Mother Hen with little chicks to shelter from the world.

“Building yourself an army with my kids, hm?” J sucks on his teeth and the boys give him mean glares. You reach to kiss the top of their heads, ignoring his remark. “I have a date tonight so I need you to babysit. I hate it when I have to bring others to watch them.”

“Fine, I don’t care. I missed them anyway,” you grumble, getting comfortable; might as well take a nap also.

“OK, done deal,” The Joker lingers in the doorway, debating on a simple idea that came to him while he was downstairs.

*****************

You enter the kitchen and notice the table full of boxes: Chinese food delivery from your favorite restaurant. J is already at the table, sitting on a chair and apparently waiting for you to show up.

“Don’t you look dashing,” you make an effort to start the conversation since you are still mad at him.

“I always look dashing,” he scoffs, pushing a chair towards you with his foot. “Sit!”

You hesitate and he insists:

“I said sit!”

Great, you will have to listen to him lecture you now. You do as asked, keeping your composure.

“It’s 8pm, aren’t you going?” you tap your fingers on the table, smelling the delicious food and it makes you hungry.

“As soon as the kids are tucked in and asleep,” he gives you a stupid reason, pretending to give a damn.

“They are asleep, just changed Mia and placed her in the crib.”

“Eat,” J leans over the table and gives you chopsticks. “I ordered your favorites,” and you seem a bit confused when he grabs a pair of chopsticks, opening a box and calmly begins to eat.

“Didn’t you say you have a date?” you bring it up, wanting him to disappear so you can relax and enjoy some quietness.

“I do,” he growls and your reaction is not a happy one when you realize what he means.

“Uggghhh,” you strain to contain your displeased attitude.

“Shut up and eat !” he kicks your chair and you drop the piece of sushi you took a bite from in your lap. “ You made me feel sorry for you since apparently you are not interesting enough to keep a man,” he smirks, pleased he can elaborate on his favorite subject.

“Yeah… right…” you stab your plate, poking a piece of fried calamari. “You’re the one chasing them away.”

“You have proof?”

“I know you are!”

“Ha! I don’t have to, Y/N. You’re just boring.”

You exhale, aggravated, changing the subject.

“Any news from The Queen?”  

Anya randomly calls him from time to time.

“She is no Queen !” J’s eyes suddenly lose their glow, his voice getting husky. “In order for a woman to be my Queen she has to earn my trust; you stopped being my girlfriend a long time ago, but you never stopped being The Queen of Gotham.”

The unexpected disclosure almost makes you choke. The Joker hears you sniffle and sees the tears rolling down your cheeks.

“You need a binky? We have plenty lying around.”

“N…no…” you barely chew on your food, not wanting to cry.

“Anya did call while you were in New York,” J admits and you lift your gaze, interested. ”She said she wants Mia. Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!” he sarcastically laughs,  “Like I’m going to engage into a custody battle of some sorts with her? Our children don’t even legally exist ! You know what else she said?”

He’s getting worked up and you assume the worst.

“She said she wants Mia because she’s not mine! Can you believe that?!” he slams his fist on the table and it makes you anxious.

“What?… No way! Of course she’s yours,” you wipe your watery eyes, the new revelation making you alert again. “The children are all yours !”

You surely don’t like the new twist on this night and leave your chair, going around the table and cup his face, wishing to calm down the demons before they break free.

“Look at me,” and the blue eyes meet yours. “All four are yours. Don’t listen to her; you know how she lies and manipulates things!”

“Mommmyyyyy,” you hear from upstairs. “Moommyyyyy!”

“I think Zane had a nightmare again. I’ll be back,” you caress his hair for a few seconds then leave, insecurity already creeping up in his mind.

****************

The next day you are going out with Alex, one of J’s smugglers. He is picking you up at the penthouse and hangs out with The Joker in the living room, waiting for you to get ready.

“Alex?” J casually scrolls through his phone, smacking his lips.

“Sir?” the guy’s body stiffens, not knowing what to expect.

“If I hear that you upset Y/N in any way, besides the fact that she will break your neck first, I will PERSONALLY make sure your body is never found again. Do we understand each other?”

This is what J always tells to all the guys you date: his way of being protective and he genuinely means it.

“Y-yes sir,” Alex nervously gulps, praying you’ll hurry up so he doesn’t have to be around The Joker’s menacing presence anymore.

An hour into your date and his cell rings. He picks up.

“Hey J, how are the kids?”

Alex’s voice is heard in the background, cracking up about something.

“The kids are fine!” J snaps and hangs up.

How rude, you think, returning to your drink at the bar and partner.

Another hour and a half pass, you call him again.

“J, it’s me. How are the kids?”

“They’re fine woman; go back to your date! The guy is gonna dump you tomorrow and then you’ll blame me again!” and he hangs up.

Jesus, what’s wrong with him? you crack your neck and go back to the table at the restaurant.

Two more hours and another call. This time you don’t even get to say a word before J screams:

“They’re fine!!!!!!” and he hangs up.

Wow, so ungrateful, and you wave Alex to come over on the dance floor since you really want to have fun.

***************

As soon as you get back to the penthouse in the early morning, you go upstairs to check on the children. They are sleeping and you wonder where J went since he is not in his room. You search around and don’t have to go too far: he’s on the balcony. It’s snowing and the pale dawn makes Gotham sparkle under the heavy snowflakes.

“I’m back,” you announce and bundle up inside your coat; it’s chilly and windy. “Insomnia?” you address him, noticing the dark circles under his eyes. He stares at the city he owns, the tall buildings still lit. “Are you ok?” you touch his hands resting on the railing and they are as cold as ice.

“She’s not mine…” J utters, frozen after being outside for hours.

“Huh?” you get closer to him to hear better because his lips barely moved.

“Mia is not mine,” he digs in his coat’s pocket, giving you a few papers and you turn the pages, stunned: they contain paternity test results. It is a match for the boys but no match for the little Princess.

“When did you do this?” you inquire, still in disbelief.

“While you were gone, after she told me. I wanted to make sure and I got the results yesterday after you went on your date,” J sighs, a sharp ache clawing at his heart. “She’s not mine…what am I supposed to do with her now?”

You don’t like the question.

“What do you mean?”

“Mia is not my daughter. I obviously have no use for her; I don’t want her here,” The Joker’s poisonous comment gives you goosebumps.

“How can you say that?! She’s just an innocent baby! It’s not her fault!” “I don’t want her here!” he barks, lifting the collar of his furry coat.

“Well, I do!” you take action, scared of this new idea of his. “If you don’t want her, I’ll take her! She’s my little girl,” you start crying, hoping to change the outcome of his plans.

“None of the kids are yours!” he pushes you away and storms inside, leaving you petrified on the terrace.

***************

You couldn’t sleep for a second so you spent the last three hours organizing documents and ammo in the basement. You go up to the penthouse again, checking to see if the children are awake. The boys are still dreaming, but when you step inside Mia’s bedroom, her crib is empty and your hearts stops.

“Oh my God!” you immediately wake up from your sluggish state, frightened. “Love bug? Where are you?” and you sweep the room – of course she’s not there.

Your legs are getting shaky as you go downstairs, desperate to find her.

“Jaaayyy? Jaayy?” you call his name and surprisingly he answers from his office.

“Yes?”

“Where’s Mia?” you run around, panicking.

“I dropped her at the orphanage downtown, told you I don’t want her!” he snarls from beyond the cracked door and you grab your car keys in a hurry, scared to death. The Joker hears the elevator going down and comes out of the office, holding Mia in his arms.

“Where the hell did that crazy woman go?! It’s a blizzard out there!” J lifts her higher on his hip and she baby talks, smiling so innocently he feels awkward and since there is nobody around, he kisses her forehead repeatedly, squeezing her more to his chest. “Oh, shit, you think she went downtown?!” he asks for the little girl’s opinion like she understands him. “That crazy woman!” The Joker huffs, “She completely lost her mind!”

Mia wiggles in his arms, cooing and making cute sounds.

“I’m glad you agree,” J take his cell out of his pocket and dials your number but the phone goes off on the coffee table: you left it there and he can’t reach you. “Great!” he hums, dialing Frost’s number and his henchman picks up.

“Frost, we have to drive downtown.”

 ***************

It was very hard to drive on the stormy weather, but you made it to the orphanage and your heart stopped when you heard no child was abandoned there this morning. Did he leave her outside in the cold snow and someone took her?!  You circle the huge building several times, bawling your eyes out because there is no trace of Mia. You even ask a few people brave enough to walk in the tempest but no one saw anything.

You don’t even know where to go; how could he do something like this? Discard such a sweet angel like an unwanted object when you made it clear you would take her. Where is she? Did she crawl somewhere and she is buried under the snow?!

All these thoughts race through your mind as you make your way around the building one more time, cold and tired but not giving up.

You hear heavy steps behind you and The Joker’s voice echoes in the white stillness:

“Are you looking for this?”

You turn around and there she is: he is holding Mia, the baby bundled up in her pink furry coat, wearing that adorable cat ears hat.

You almost trip and fall in the snow, but get to him and snatch her from his grip, distancing away as fast as you can.

“My little love bug,” you keep on kissing her, running towards your car, feverish and anxious while her tiny hands clutch to your jacket.

“What are you doing?” you hear The Joker approaching and you walk faster.

“I’m taking her away!” you shout, struggling to find your car keys and he pulls on your hood, slowing down your movement in order to catch up with you.

“Away? Where, to the penthouse?” J pants, not willing to chase after you again.

“No, away from you where she will be safe! “

“What about the boys?” the problem arises and you become more nervous.

“You left her here in the cold?” you punch his shoulder, trying to pass him but he walks in front of you.

“Are you insane?! Of course I didn’t abandon her in the cold; she was in the office with me!” The Joker growls, pissed.

“You’re a terrible person! I was so worried!” you begin to cry again and Mia winces, uncomfortable in your tight hold.

“We have to go back; the storm is only getting worse. I am fucking freezing since I had to leave the penthouse in a hurry wearing just my purple coat and a shirt, looking for a crazy woman downtown Gotham in this snow storm!! Come on, we’ll send for your car later. Frost is parked across the street,” he gestures, pointing at the black van.

You hesitate and J needs to bring out the mommy in you.

“The boys are probably up by now, wondering how come you’re not there to make them pancakes. You want them to starve to death?!” he over exaggerates, flaring his arms around.

“No, of course not,“ you mumble, following his steps, convinced nobody else on the planet makes better breakfast than you.

“Then hurry up, your kids are waiting!” he has an outburst of clarity while you lean on him for balance, careful not to slip.

You didn’t even realize he referred to his children as yours too, but this is probably why your heart is beating faster.  And all you can think right now is what else you can cook for breakfast.

That’s what mothers do.

Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

[ratfish-blues]

Building Love Out of Legos: Chapter 3-The Ice Cream Parlor

Previous Chapters: (1)(2) 

Emil rounded the street corner only to see Leon jump up from the bench in front of the Ben and Jerry’s.

“Emil! Like how are you?” he said in greeting.

“I’m good,” Emil replied, “ what abo-” but he was cut off as Leon yammered on at a fast pace.

“Good, good. Okay, listen, this total hunk and his friend walked in to get some ice cream just before you got here, and I know you’re not great at the whole wing man thing, but I need you to help me get his number.”

Emil gawked at his friend.

“Jesus christ Leon, I know you’re desperate, but are you really going to try and pick people up at an ice cream parlor? If you’re looking for a date then go to a gay bar or something.”

“Hey!” Leon interjected, giving his friend the most offended look he could, “I would do it for you!”

“No you wouldn’t, because I would never ask you to help me hit on people at a fucking ice cream parlor,” Emil countered, “that guys just here trying to hang out with his friend, leave him alone.”

“Fine,” Leon pouted, “but at least let me point him out to you.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever, can we just go get our ice cream please?”  

The door jingled as they stepped inside and the smell of waffle cones hit them both as they got in line to order.

“mmmm,” Leon said, “that smells delicious,” just then his eyes trained on a corner of the room and he smirked, “and speaking of delicious, there’s that cutie I was telling you about.”

Emil followed his friend’s gaze to the man in the corner and just about died of second hand mortification. Their, sitting with a bomber jacket draped across the chair next to him, was Alfred.

“Oh no,” Emil groaned, “Come on Lee, not that guy.”

“What do you mean? What’s wrong with him?” Leon asked defensively.

“He’s such a fuck boi, Lee,” Emil sighed, “He works at Hetalia Children’s Center with me, and from what I can tell he’s a total jerk. Let’s go somewhere else before he sees us.”   

But it was too late for that. Just as they were about to turn around and leave Alfred turned around and saw them. Over the clamor of the ice cream parlor Emil  could heard the man’s loud voice as he excitedly exclaimed to the small dark haired man across from him.

“Hey! That’s the grumpy guy from my new job! We should ask him to sit with us!” 

And then his hand shot up in the air and waved to the two of them, and at that moment, as Emil stood there awkwardly waving back at his coworker, he would have given just about anything to be invisible.  

Leon couldn’t help but laugh at Emil lackluster wave and displeased face.

“Ooooooh nooooo,” he said, his voice brimming with sarcasm, “we have to go sit with a cute boy now, whatever will we dooooo?”

“Shut up asshole. Why don’t you go pick out your ice cream or something?”

It was right about then that both boys noticed how close they were to the front of the line.

“Oh shoot!” exclaimed Leon, “I haven’t even looked at their choices yet!”

In the end they both ended up ordering a scoop of mint chocolate chip ice cream before going to sit down with Alfred and his friend.

“Hey! Who’s your bro?” Alfred asked as they took their seats.

“Oh, that’s just-”

“My name’s Leon,” the smaller man interjected, “I’m Emil’s cooler, funnier, best friend.”

Emil glared at the Chinese boy before turning back to Alfred.

“And who’s your friend over there,” he said, motioning to the raven haired man across from him.

“Oh that’s Kiku! He’s my best bud!”

Kiku simply nodded back at them, appearing to be intensely focused on his cell phone.      

“He’s kind of quite,” Alfred explained apologetically, “But anyways what have you guys been up to? We just went to the new exhibit at the aerospace museum. Have you seen it?”

“No,” Emil said, “but I saw on of the flyers for it. It’s about biplanes right?”

He was cautiously optimistic about this conversation. The aerospace museum was one of his favorite places to go, maybe, he thought, Alfred and I could have something in common after all.      

“Yep! It was great. I bought a model of a French Nieuport 17 from the gift shop, so now I’m a bisexual with a biplane.”

Alfred laughed at his own joke and Kiku shook his head in response.

“He spent the whole time making puns about his sexuality, it was ridiculous.”

But Emil barely heard Kiku’s complaint, the gears in his head were turning to fast for him to pay attention.

Alfred was queer? He had totally pegged him as an oblivious straight guy. After all, most queer men didn’t wear adidas snapbacks…or at least not the ones Emil knew.

“Oh my god Emil” Leon said, breaking the albino out of his thoughts, “why didn’t you tell me he was another gay? I can’t believe you would keep that sort of important information from me!”

Emil gave his friend an exasperated look, “I met him today Lee, how was I supposed to know he was queer? And why do you care so much anyways?”

Alfred laughed awkwardly, breaking back into the conversation, “So are you guys are queer too?”

“Yeah totally,” Leon replied, “I’m gay and Emil here is gay and ace. So like, a fancy gay.”

“It’s not fancy Leon, I just don’t feel sexual attraction,” Emil huffed.

“…Right…” Alfred said, sounding a little apprehensive, “um..so Emil you said you saw the flyer for the aerospace exhibit, are you into space stuff too?”

Emil was incredibly glad for the change in topic.  

“Um yeah I guess, but what I really like is airplanes. The Boeing 247 is my favorite, did you know that it was the first modern airliner?”

“Nerd,” Alfred said with a chuckle,”But that’s okay, I’m I pretty big nerd too, but I like space ships better.”

The four of them stayed in the ice cream parlor for two hours, talking and laughing about various things and, to his surprise Emil found that he was having a fairly pleasant time.

Maybe, Emil thought as he walked out the parlor door, Alfred’s not so bad. Maybe we could even be friends.  

[gingerambition]

Ginger Ambition Update

If you don’t know me, I’m assuming I’m your favorite ginger you’ve never met. If you’re reading this and you have met me however, you either have a huge secret crush on me, you’ve dated me and you’re looking for a subtle reference to yourself, or you recite my name each night as part of your Arya Stark–esque murder list. Honestly you’re more than welcome to my face, it takes an hour to put on before a first date anyway and is almost immediately ruined by excessive heat and pouting. You’d really just be saving me time at this point.

 Anyway, before I can publish my drafts about receiving dick pics in my late 20′s (FUUUUUUCK), Tinder dates that result in me either A. bailing him out of jail or B. ending up at a bar that is actually a wake, and being a proud member of the girls still blacking out in Ubers while everyone else is getting engaged club, I have to get some things off my (perky) chest. It’s kind of long but typing it out will be like losing 20 pounds of emotional weight. 

It’s been eight months since I got dumped. Two hundred and forty days later (I haven’t been counting I just did 8 x 30 on my phone) and I am still getting the same questions, so to avoid prolonging the graduation party effect (answering the same 5 questions on repeat the way I’m currently listening to “Look What You Made Me Do”), I am going to just put it all on the table. 

I got dumped at the end of December. It was days after celebrating Christmas with his family and attending my best friend’s 90′s throwback party where everything seemed normal AF. In fact I hear he’s up for an Oscar for his portrayal of communicating, loving boyfriend. So no, it was not mutual. He had his reasons. (Sidebar: the self-control I just showed in resisting the urge to put air quotes around the word, reasons, is similar to how I felt the other night when this old dude who was buying me Coors Lights was texting Taylor Kitsch, YES – THE ACTOR, and all I wanted to do was spider monkey across the table, grab his phone, and get the digits of a B-list celeb).  I felt the breakup was out of the blue.  I’m sure him and I will never see eye-to-eye on it, and that’s because he’s way taller than me so it’s physically impossible.  If I’ve told you “my story” in person, just skip this post. If you’ve been curious, here it is . . . 

I Ubered to our apartment from the San Francisco airport (he couldn’t pick me up because he was drinking), and he was on the couch. He hadn’t unpacked from being home for Christmas yet. He got back to our apartment a day earlier. His shoes were on. I made us mac n’ cheese. I started nagging that he wasn’t eating his and it was getting cold, I even put the pepper out for you. I was snuggling our cat and asking him how much he missed his girls. He turned off the TV and said, using my full name, we need to talk. Every part of me between my throat and my belly button knotted together and tasted like acid and pennies, my limbs felt distant and heavy, I moved to him, but I felt more like I was watching myself. After we spoke (he whispered, I cried), he took his still packed bag, I tried to kiss him (I got his cheek), and I watched him walk down the hall as I so often did in the morning when he left for work before me. That was the last time I saw him. After 2 states, 4 apartments, 5 years, countless "babe, you need to double flush after that,” kitchen slow dance parties, and putting our mattress in the living room for pizza fueled sleepovers, it was done. And it is done, because I don’t believe in second chances when it comes to ex-boyfriends. At some point they always come back. Of that I am certain. It could be 5 weeks or it could be 15 years, but it always happens and I take comfort in that.

I called my best friend, she didn’t answer so I texted her husband. I called my mom. I called my sister. My best friend called back. I told my college best friends. I texted a few more girls. I told everyone I wanted to hear it from me, and gave them permission to pass it on like a shitty game of telephone, so I wouldn’t have to live it over and over. I cried myself to sleep wrapped up in a nest of blankets, pillows, and dirty clothes I made out of things that smelled like him. I woke up every hour, realized where I was, cried, fell back asleep, repeat. I left the TV on to feel less alone. The small studio, that I couldn’t wait to return to less than 24 hours prior, felt less like home and more like stumbling upon a movie set or the apartment of a stranger I follow on Instagram. I had an idea of who had lived there, how they felt, how I should feel, but I was suffocated between collections of crap full of memories I could imagine but not grasp, and inside jokes I could make an outline of, but not see. In 12 hours I had aged 5 years. Everything felt fresh, and sharp, and distant, and numb, and a thousand other emotions all at the same time and I didn’t understand how that could be. 

Then I did something I never thought I would do, I just left. I took a red eye flight back to Michigan, where I was just 24 hours prior. I left all of the apartment lights on, the TV, and our Christmas tree. I cut up our favorite t-shirt then refolded it and put it in his drawer. I snapped my Harry Potter wand in half (from our 4 year anniversary trip) and put it under his pillow. I took everything of his I could see from my bed and put it in the corner. I tore every Uno card in half and left them in a pile. I wanted to break all of his Legos and throw out the directions but my mom said no, and for some reason I listened. I pulled the felt monogram I made off his nightstand lamp shade. I deleted my wedding Pintrest board. I deleted all of our pictures together from my phone. If you don’t want me anymore, I don’t see the point in lingering. If I said doing all of that petty crap didn’t make me feel better, I’d be lying. It was better than drunk Taco Bell after a sorority date party. 

I took as many sweatshirts and yoga pants as I could fit in a carry on, my large suitcase, my purse, cornered our cat into her carrier, and I left the rest for him to ship. Here’s an old school story problem to give you a break from brown out figuring out how to tip and write your number of a bar tab at the same time, 1 sobbing ginger + 2 suitcases + 1 purse + 1 cat that weighs like 2 cats = this blog can write itself. But wait, there’s more! The Titanic soundtrack was playing at my gate and my Uber driver almost killed us. He didn’t understand English, so when my cat started clawing to get out of her soft side airplane regulation carrier, and I pleaded with her to stop (when it rains it pours), he slammed on the breaks - on the HIGHWAY - and said “stop? stop? stop?” I yelled, KEEP FUCKING GOING. Not a moment I’m particularly proud of, but it happened. I put in my 2 weeks notice and worked remotely, wrapping up projects, and apologizing in emails. I tried not to burn bridges. Hurt has a ripple effect not always immediately evident. 

The worst part for me is knowing one day, every adventure, every nickname, every private moment we shared together will be forgotten, will disintegrate, and I will be reduced to, “that ginger I dated for like 5 years in my 20′s and had a TV show no one watched.” I will be become one of his two truths and a lie options. I won’t even have a name. He will tell some Cliff Notes version of “our story” to the daughter he has with someone else who isn’t me when it’s her heart that is broken and craves assurance there’s someone out there for everyone.

I slept on and off for the next 4 days, a very Carrie in the “Sex and The City” movie when she’s on her honeymoon with her friends instead of Big, of me to do. I never said I wasn’t dramatic. I didn’t drink. I made myself shower. I went on long walks with my parents’ dog and listened to a “Guys Are The Wooooorst” Spoitfy playlist I made. Everyone was so proud of me and impressed by how I kept it together, how I’m still keeping it together. Friends were happy to have me home, to have me so close to them. I felt wanted again. It’s not hard to act fine when he’s on the other side of the country. I wasn’t going to run into him. He never drunk dialed me, never texted. As much as distance can make things hard, it can also make things easy. 

My first breakup with my first boyfriend when I was 19 was horrible. I lost a ton of weight (not in a hot way - in a, “her head is too big for her body” kind of way), I didn’t go to class, I passed out on porches, I took my anti-depressants on and off sometimes with whatever shot was on special or being handed to me. This time, simply put, I would not allow myself to be that girl again. I was like nope, too cute, too sassy, too many people who love me to go back to that. (Although it would be nice to basically fit my American Girl doll’s clothes again.) I received so many cards and presents in the mail from best friends, girls I hadn’t talked to in years, and old co-workers that I almost wish I got dumped sooner, preferably around the time of a Kate Spade Surprise Sale. 

So it’s been eight months. I’m 27-years-old and I’m starting over. I’m living at home. I bought a new old car. I thought 2017 was the year I’d be planning a wedding. Now the extent of my planning is what I’m wearing to work tomorrow and what city I will visit next weekend. But you know what? I’m happy. I’m loved. I’m done settling. 

[spongeson]

i was tagged by @aclockworkqueer !! thank u honey i love memes

1: Are you named after someone?

ye actually !! my name is Jessica Sue-- my grandmother’s name was Sue Ann, so that’s where Sue comes from 8)

2: When was the last time you cried?  

a few days ago-- i cry all the time so i dont rly remember the reason i mightve jus been depressed

3: Do you like your handwriting?

its alright i guess 8/ sorta mess

4: What is your favorite lunch meat?

LMFAO i like smoked turkey 

5: Do you have kids?

lmfao nope and i dont want any

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you?

idk ?? i like to think that im a nice person and that im fun to be around but when ur actually me u get to know the bad stuff. but if i were a different person and didnt know abt the bad stuff then maybe

7: Do you use sarcasm?

ye but i guess im bad at it bc ppl always take me seriously and i myself cant pick up sarcasm in other ppl unless its blatantly obvious

8: Do you still have your tonsils?

yep !!

9: Would you bungee jump?

NO i’m deathly afraid of heights-- when im in airplanes i have to just ignore how high up i am

10: What is your favorite kind of cereal?

i don’t have a singular favorite-- i love lucky charms, cocoa puffs, REGULAR captain crunch, honey combs and fruity/cocoa pebbles-- also chocolate frosted mini wheats

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

nope and i pay for it when i try to put them back on

12: Do you think you’re a strong person?

no

13: What is your favourite ice cream? Ever, ever?

i LOVE black raspberry, but im also a slut for plain old chocolate/vanilla swirl (and mint chocolate chip)

14: What is the first thing you notice about people?

probably their eyes and their mouths (smiles specifically but also the shapes of their lips)

15: What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself?

a lot-- my acne, my hips, my teeth, my stomach, my upper arms, everything

16: What color pants and shoes are you wearing now?

dark grey sweatpants !!! no shoes bc im in bed

17: What are you listening to right now?

nothin rn but i was watching parks and rec a little while ago if that counts

18: If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

i’d like to say a soft pink maybe ???

19: Favorite smell?

i love the smell of my champagne toast candle and lotion that my friend colleen got me for christmas-- SOO good

20: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

technically speaking, my mom-- but my last lengthy phone convo was w my brother shaun

21: Favorite sport to watch?

i hate sports

22: Hair color?

brown !! i was born w bright blonde hair but it darkened over time- i also used to dye it black but now its my natural color again !!

23: Eye color?

its hard to classify-- i usually just say blue but they arent rly

24: Do you wear contacts?

i do but i dont have any rn so im just wearing my glasses

25: Favorite food to eat?

oh god uh idk i love food

26: Scary movies or comedy?

i lean more towards comedy but i fucking love horror so idk !! both !!

27: Last movie you watched?

the lego batman movie w my best friend katie !!!

28: What color of shirt are you wearing?

im wearin a black gorillaz shirt w murdoc on it-- the rock the house one w his face

29: Summer or winter?

summer tbh !!

 30: Hugs or kisses?

ive never been kissed before so hugs !! i love hugs anyway

31: What book are you currently reading?

im not reading any books rn 8( i was reading the welcome to night vale novel like a year ago and i never finished it even tho it was rly good B( i need to reread it

32: Who do you miss right now?

i miss my best friend katie 8′( gonna get bagels w her on thursday !!

also my bff hannah i haven’t seen her since christmas break

33: What is on your mouse pad?

i dont have one !!

34: What is the last TV program you watched?

parks and rec !!

35: What is the best sound?

i love the chirpy noises sleepy kitties make when u give them the smooch

36: Rolling stones or The Beatles

i don’t listen to either of them

37: What is the furthest you have ever traveled?

florida-- ive been to other states too but we’ve never left to east coast-- but im visiting my brother shaun in canada this summer !! im going all the way over to victoria so im gonna be goin across the continent !! 

38: Do you have a special talent?

not rly 8/ i can kinda draw and sorta sing and ?? write ?? but i dont rly think im spectacular at any of that stuff 8(

im tagging @sialia-mortis @raining-static @nsanchezfw @plratejet @stuckupvirgo @catsandanimenerd @walking-through-the-willows 

[sonodaten]

Microsoft E3 2019 Press Conference

Since I missed it, here’s a list of my reactions/thoughts

Overall rating: B-; lots of games, and you can’t ask for much more

Here we go Xbone let’s get on with the disappointment

Ooh we’re starting off with The Outer Worlds okay, Microsoft, okay!

A RELEASE DATE! OCTOBER 25 OF THIS YEAR! JUST FUCK ME UP!

I’m not interested in coop death matches but I can appreciate the aesthetic of Bleeding Edge. It’s very recognizable and a nice breath of fresh air from all these hyper realistic games

I think this is Ori? It looks like an Ori game.

IT IS! Not usually a fan of side-scrollers but I make an exception for Ori

Horror? I’m into it. (Please don’t be zombies).

Found footage? Missing child? DOGGO? I’M INTO IT

BULLET NO

IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO BULLET I WILL DESTROY MICROSOFT

The Blair Witch?

As in like The Blair Witch Project Blair Witch? THE Blair Witch?

I want to be excited for The Fallen Order but it’s just like . . .

Everything I’ve seen about it is so . . . uninteresting

At this point the only thing I’d buy the game for is Saw Gerrera and the beginnings of the Rebellion/other prominent Rebels that we never got to see during the movies/other games but are mentioned and (might) be featured in this one

Like at this point my faith in EA is wittled to nothing and I can only take solace in the face that their exclusive license with Disney is almost up and they probably won’t pursue a renewal THANK FUCK

OOH CD PROJEKT RED

CYBERPUNK INCOMING

SO FAR SO GOOD EVERYTHING LOOKS GOOD

It def looks cyberpunk, so let’s hope they actually get cyberpunk right

KEANU!?!?!?!?!

KEANU REEVES??? IN MY CYBERPUNK 2077????? IT’S APPARENTLY MORE LIKELY THAN I THOUGHT!

Now what would really make this game is a cameo by Harrison Ford

YES MR. REEVES I WOULD LIKE THE RELEASE DATE

RELEASING DURING 4/20 I’M SHITTING

I feel bad for whatever the fuck has to follow that up

Oh wait this is cute

I like the art style and the world is interesting just from the first look

Spiritfarer is a Good Game

Battletoads, huh?

*Wright hides himself in the trash can* Oh, mood

That actually looks really cute and I like the really distinctive art style

Some of these games actually look really cool. I love the different art styles and genres

Tbh the only reason I watch the Microsoft conference is bc I have a Windows 10 PC

Ooh I might start playing Halo again

Oh live-service game? Nvm. I’m tapping out on Game Pass.

Ooh new game

Is this a fuckign . . . airport simulator?????

Ah, nvm, just an airplane simulator. My bad.

A fuckign . . . re-release of Age of Empires?

I think I played the first one and didn’t like it. Was Age of Empires II better?

The entire tone of this is so funny

WASTELAND 3???

I LOVED WASTELAND 2 WAIT WHAT

BOOTY?????????????????????????????????

Oh fuck they got Double Fine

Is Xbox the gamer version of Disney?

PSYCHONAUTS 2???????????????????????

I HEAR STAR WARS

LEGO STAR WARS?

OH FUCK IT’S GONNA HAVE EPISODE IX ON THERE?

A game endorsed by Akira himself? Oh, it’s gotta be good.

Dude I still get goosebumps when I see Goku transform for the first time

Dragon Ball Z: Kakarot OH THAT’S THE GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE

What’s with all the time loop games recently? I mean I love it, but it’s just weird they’re all happening at once

I love how the chat immediately reverts to an endless cascade of “gay game” once anything that’s not a hypergonadal male on screen

Like bitch it’s Pride I hate to break it to you but that makes all the games shown here gay

Video Games are Gay Culture and You Gotta Deal With It

Anyway it looks great and I’m gonna get it

This is . . . Gears of War, right?

Billie Eilish yeah?

Oh fuck have there really been five Gears games?

Who’s gonna pop out of the stage??

No one I guess

Oh they doing the elite controllers again?

Not really interested in Dying Light 2, but it seems cool

These lego cars are the best thing to happen to Forza ever

Fuckign pop vinyls I’m crying

Ah yes more zombies. Just what we need.

SEGA here we go

WAIT THIS CAN’T BE

OH MY FUCKING GOD I’M ACTUALLY GOING TO CRY

PHANTASY STAR ONLINE 2 I’M FUCKING GOD

Idk what Crossfire is and I’m not that interested in it

Okay liking this design

Everything’s a lie bitch, let’s get you some fruit

What kind of Utena rip off was that move

OH FUCK IT’S ANOTHER TALES GAME???? FINALLY

One thing you can always count on for the Borderlands games is good fun and Borderlands 3 looks like good fun

Oh fuck September? I figured it’s be out in 2020

UM GRRM????

Elden Ring looks really cool and I’m excited to learn more about it

Idk why everyone thinks game streaming is a good idea when a good portion of the world doesn’t even have internet access but go off I guess

The only thing I wanna see is what’s gonna be called

Me, watching Xbox try to hype up a console that will, at most, earn about 20% of the game market: Weird flex, but okay

“Xbox is all about choice” yeah and it’s usually people choosing Sony and Nintendo over Xbox

“Most immersive console experience ever” . . . until the PS5 drops but yeah

Are we gonna see what it looks like or what?

Oh so no name just “Project Scarlett”

It’s a cool project name

Halo at launch is an . . . interesting call to make, considering the series recent reception

Oh fuck they pulled a Thor Infinity War with Master Chief

GIVE MASTER CHIEF A BOOTY YOU COWARDS

Oh thank fuck it’s finally over

Overall rating: B-

Showed a lot of games, so you can’t really ask for much more in a conference. Not a whole lot of exclusives shown, which isn’t going to help Microsoft in the long run, especially considering we’re on the verge of a console generation. The only thing that really wowed me was the news of Phantasy Star Online 2 finally coming to the West, and I’m assuming while it’ll only be on Xbox One now it’ll probably migrate to PC and possibly other consoles in the future and I’ve waited this long, I’m willing to wait more. 

[hangonimevolving]

Camp NOLA

In accordance with a family tradition that appears to have formed over the last 3-4 years, I took the kids on our annual weeklong trip to my beloved hometown of New Orleans last week.  The last few years, I’ve found myself running there every 2nd week of August, in that summertime Black Hole period between the end of the kids’ school-based summer camp, and the start of the new school year.  A week at Ajima and Thatha’s house has become its own little summer camp to our crew: Camp NOLA :)  

This year, I’d be flying there on my own with the two kids, while Dr. Spouse stayed back to complete an on-call week before flying out for the second weekend.  My first experience flying solo with the crazies was on our first official Camp NOLA week in 2015, which I blogged about here - that time we traveled earlier in the summer, between the school year’s end and the start of summer camp.  But same basic idea.  Anyway, since that first brave voyage, I’ve traveled a shitload of times with both kids on my own, and I like to think I’m kind of an old pro at it by now.  It’s gotten significantly easier, in many ways, now that both kids are independently mobile and fairly reliable walking and holding hands in crowded airports, managing security checks expertly, and all that - just earlier this year, we started traveling without a stroller, and it was like the heavens parted and rays of light streamed down around me from the heavens.  Oh, to have the freedom to breeze through security without having to disassemble a stroller and manage all the stuff, only to put it all back together on the other side of the metal detector!  To skip, hop, and sashay directly into the aircraft from the jet bridge, without having to unstrap the kids, bark at them to stand aside so other people can pass while I sweat and heave and disassemble the thing for the cargo hold!  Life has changed.  

The kids are pretty good fliers, but certain people (ahem, DEY) are still a little bit rambunctious and animated in the airplane.... sigh.

Time spent at my parents’ house is always fun for the kids.  Vev frequently, and in great descriptive detail, talks about all the reasons why he likes my parents’ house better than our own.  I am simultaneously touched and miffed by his honesty.  But I know why it is they love the place.  Aside from the obvious, awesome thing that my parents’ house has going for it - MY PARENTS - the kids also just love to sort through all the random crap that they have, most of which dates back to my own childhood.  My pack rat parents have thrown very little away when it comes to my old toys, books, and childhood accoutrement, and this delights the kids to no end.

Take, for example, Vev’s infatuation with my Lego cargo airplane set, which I probably acquired when I was around 8 years old, and managed to preserve in its box still fully assembled (thank god - b/c I likely wouldn’t be able to put it together now!)

Dey had a great time building and demolishing and rebuilding a hospital from one of my sister’s Lego sets:

Another relic of my childhood, which Vev enjoyed creeping me out with on the daily: my childhood rocking chair, which still lives in my bedroom (this is despite the fact that I didn’t not actually grow up in the house where my parents currently live; clearly, they never got rid of the chair, despite them having moved 2 times since I was a kid, the last time when I was in my 20′s).  The chair is the perfect size for Vev, and every morning, early in the wee hours, I’d open my bleary eyes, and immediately see this:

Such a creeper, that kid.

 My dad, in his perpetual hyperness, did a generous (and kind of crazy) thing, and sprung for two expensive mountain bikes for the kids.  I was kind of bewildered that he’d done that, when they’re going to outgrow these bike sizes so fast, and there’s also no easy way for us to transport the bikes back here to Florida... but, he’s an excited grandfather, so I guess he exercised his prerogative to spoil his grandkids rotten.  The kids honestly LOVED their bikes, and went on twice-daily bike rides in the neighborhood park.

Dey had actually never ridden a bike prior to this, and he rapidly gained skill in it over the week - although he picked up the skill of speed far quicker and more easily than he has the skill of steering.  It’s a nerve-wracking situation.  Oh, and he refused to wear a helmet.  So, yeah - he’s all over the place.

One of the kids’ favorite things about stays at Ajima’s house are the relaxed sleeping arrangements and bedtime routine... which is to say, there really wasn’t one.  They were staying up waaaaay past their normal bedtimes at home, and sleeping either with each other or with me in my bed.  Sleep deprivation and bad sleep hygiene are hallmarks of our summer NOLA getaways.  They didn’t really seem to be affected by this, but I was fucking exhausted the entire stay.

NOLA means beignets!!!!!  Hurray for fried carbs and mountains of sugar!!!

This NOLA trip was even more special than usual, because my uncle A and aunt N (father’s youngest brother and his wife) were visiting my parents from India, so we got to catch up with them and spend lots of quality time.  It was also wonderful to have not one, but TWO Ajimas and Thathas around the house for child entertainment, conversation, and feeding.  Glorious!  We spent a few evenings of their stay going through some old home videos that my mom recently had converted to DVD.  The stills below are from a 1994 trip to India that my family took to spend time with relatives.  The weird looking preteen in the awkward head scarf and navy striped get-up is yours truly :)  And the lady in the green sari is my paternal grandmother, Rajalakshmi (nickname Mani).  We lost her very suddenly and heartbreakingly in May 2002, and none of us have quite gotten over how she was yanked out of our lives... it was poignant but wonderful to see her again on film, looking so animated and full of life.  My dad and uncle sat in silence, watching these videos for hours.....

After about six days of being relative homebodys, playing with tons of old but dear toys, hanging out wth Ajima, Thatha, Thatha A and Ajima N, Thursday rolled around and Dr. Spouse arrived.  The kids were happy to see Daddy, and his arrival signaled the chance for us to go out, do some excursions and sightseeing, and visit with friends.

Annual trip to the Riverwalk - a shopping and entertainment plaza along the Mississippi River, affording lots of chances to watch boats and freighters go by...

Dinner out at a Creole restaurant, where clearly our eyes were waaaay bigger than our stomachs!

Something I’ve wanted to do for a super long time - maybe 2-3 years - is to take the kids to a local small, organic farm near my folks’ house called Sugar Roots Farm.  They have open community days on Saturdays, and somehow on our annual trips, we’ve managed to not spend full Saturdays in town, and thus haven’t been able to visit.  But this time, we did - and we got some hands-on learning about sustainable farming, farm-to-table food production, and of course, animals!

This place is literally behind my parents’ house - its so weird!

Excited to see a tractor.... our main frame of reference with tractors are the ones that get cow-tipped in the Disney Pixar movie “Cars.”

Horses were intimidating.

Ponies were more up the alley of certain people.

We bought feed cups for a dollar so we could make friends with the goats, sheep, alpacas, and chickens.... but in the end, apparently my lionhearted sons were terrified of the teeth on most of these animals, so I got to feed them myself, haha :)

Feeding chickens was manageable, I guess.

Dey’s reaction to the rabbits was hilarious.  He ran over to this enclosure, spotted a large white rabbit hopping around, immediately turned around making this face and exclaimed “Look, a bunny!  It’s a bunny!  It’s a GIRL!!!!” then just ran off again.  Uh, what?  Why do you assume its a girl?!!!  It was so weird!!!

A GIANT pig.  A very sleepy giant pig.

Quack quack quack.

Daddice with the boys.

This was an enjoyable way to spend an hour and change one morning!

Later that same day, we took a VERY special day trip to Baton Rouge, to the home of my cousin and bestie, Neets.  She and her hubby B have two daughters, S and M, and they just put a new swimming pool in the yard of the home they’ve lived in for the last 2 years.  We were excited to have a swimming playdate together, so I picked up a special gift for the girls which was immediately put to use: a giant inflatable rainbow cloud.  Cousin bonding time!

I absolutely love this woman <3

Our final evening in New Orleans was spent playing tourist in my hometown.  Ajima and Thatha accompanied us on a mule carriage tour of the French Quarter, where Bonnie the Mule and her driver/guide regaled us on the super-interesting history of the city.  It was a throwback to my elementary and middle school History classes and field trips, where we’d tour historic sites and antebellum homes, write essays and field trip reports and special projects about Louisiana history and the mixed Creole, French, Spanish, and American culture of New Orleans.

Our attempt to recreate one of our iconic wedding pictures.... unfortunately the, er, large gentleman in the background decided to join us for the fun.

Updated family version.... how far we’ve come.

All too soon, it was time to bid goodbye to Ajima and Thatha, and to our delightful Camp NOLA.  And now we’re back to Camp Memmy in our Miami home.... which is significantly less exciting for everyone involved!!!  

[d-el-e-ted]

All

I do not like you right now anon but alright all of them

1: Full nameJessica Nichole Ybarra

2: Age 21

3: 3 FearsNot being able to accomplish what I want in life, becoming like my parents, and being alone

4: 3 things I loveMy fur child, my family, and that’s about it lol

5: 4 turns onHickies, neck kisses, her being submissive, scratching

6: 4 turns offClingy, being indecisive and inconsiderate I can only think of three

7: My best friend 🤷🏻‍♀️

8: Sexual orientation gay af 🏳️‍🌈

9: My best first date Can’t really remember what happened exactly

10: How tall am I 5’7

11: What do I miss Actually being able to sleep

12: What time were I bornI wanna say sometime in the afternoon?

13: Favourite color turquoise

14: Do I have a crushDear god I do she’s so fucking adorable too

15: Favourite quote“I am the architect of my own destruction” I have this tattooed on me

16: Favourite place my bed

17: Favourite food anything with pasta

18: Do I use sarcasm like 100000% I’m being sarcastic

19: What am I listening to right nowI wanna be by Kehlani

20: First thing I notice in new personFacial features

21: Shoe size 9 22: Eye color light brown23: Hair color dark brown on top light on the bottom

24: Favourite style of clothing skinny jeans, some vans, t shirt, and a dad hat

25: Ever done a prank call? It’s been a long time since I’ve done that 😂

27: Meaning behind my URLI’m a heartless person nothing new

28: Favourite movie too many favs 😩29: Favourite song waaay too many 30: Favourite band the 1975

31: How I feel right now very very tired32: Someone I love 🤔33: My current relationship status single34: My relationship with my parentsHah! That’s too long to put down on here

35: Favourite holiday Christmas36: Tattoos and piercing i have4 tats and 7 piercings

37: Tattoos and piercing i wantI’m done with piercings but def want a lot more tattoos I’m trying to get my bigger pieces done sometime this year

38: The reason I joined TumblrSomeone told me about it and I was curious been hooked on it ever since

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?Uhhhh good question idk lmao

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts? I do actually

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?Many times

42: When did I last hold hands? Last night

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? If I have my outfit picked out like 20 minutes if not then depends

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? No I haven’t but I need to

45: Where am I right now? Chillin in my bed46: If I were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? I have an idea of who I’d want to take care of me

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUD

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Sadly

49: Am I excited for anything?To see someone I’ve been wanting to see even though I saw her yesterday

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? My cousin were like siblings

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Couple of times a day

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?Last night

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?Well I wouldn’t be happy about it that’s for sure

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? I don’t tell people much as it is so if I do trust them they better not fuck it up

55: What is something I disliked about today?The headache I’m dealing with right now

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Lauren Jauregui 😍

57: What do I think about most? My crush

58: What’s my strangest talent? Water polo

59: Do I have any strange phobias?I don’t think so

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? If I look good then definitely in front of the camera

61: What was the last lie I told? That I was going to my class tonight

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Either one doesn’t matter

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?I believe in both

64: Do I believe in magic? No65: Do I believe in luck? Yes

66: What’s the weather like right now?It’s chilly for SoCal weather

67: What was the last book I’ve read?It was a poetry book called Pillow Thoughts

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? I love it69: Do I have any nicknames?Jess, Jessie, brat, crack, chick, ride

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?Just broke my finger during a polo game

71: Do I spend money or save it? Mostly spend but I do try to save as much as I can

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? It takes me some time but yes I can

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? No74: Favourite animal? Sting ray!75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Sitting shotgun and driving back home

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?I wouldn’t know what to guess anyways

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Any Beyonce song

78: How can you win my heart? Talk to me and find out 😏

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? Hopefully it wasn’t alcohol that put me in here

80: What is my favorite word? Fuck81: My top 5 blogs on tumblrI have more than 5 that’s for sure

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? Get these politicians out of here and that Cheeto in office

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? A couple

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?Either reading minds or being invisible

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? If I’ve ever been in love

86: What is my current desktop picture?My wife Lauren Jauregui 👅

87: Had sex? Yes88: Bought condoms? God no 😂89: Gotten pregnant? Fuck no90: Failed a class? Too many actually 91: Kissed a boy? It’s been like 3 years since I have lol92: Kissed a girl? Plenty 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?I have and I think it’s always an intimate moment 94: Had job? Currently working

95: Left the house without my wallet? I try not to96: Bullied someone on the internet? No never!97: Had sex in public? Maybeeeee98: Played on a sports team? No99: Smoked weed? All the fucking time 🌬100: Did drugs? Only thing I’ve tried is E and it was the best thing ever

101: Smoked cigarettes? I’ve tried them but tobacco gives me a major headache so I stay away

102: Drank alcohol? Lowkey an alcoholic 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? No104: Been overweight? Couple times 105: Been underweight? No 106: Been to a wedding? No107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?Only if it involves me doing hw

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yesss109: Been outside my home country? Not recently it’s been a couple of years

110: Gotten my heart broken? Who hasn’t 111: Been to a professional sports game? Yes last year I watched my Red Sox play

112: Broken a bone? My finger113: Cut myself? 🤔114: Been to prom? Yes and it was stupid115: Been in airplane? Yes116: Fly by helicopter? No117: What concerts have I been to? None 😔118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?Like a shit ton of crushes on them girls are hot

119: Learned another language? French in hs but I hardly remember any of it

120: Wore make up? Sunday I think? 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Yes122: Had oral sex? A lot 123: Dyed my hair? Yes 124: Voted in a presidential election? No125: Rode in an ambulance? Yes126: Had a surgery? Yes 127: Met someone famous? Yes128: Stalked someone on a social network? Here and there I will

129: Peed outside? Yes 130: Been fishing? Been over ten years 131: Helped with charity? Yes 132: Been rejected by a crush? I have 133: Broken a mirror? Yes 134: What do I want for birthday? 💰💵

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? This question solely depends on who I’m having kids with

136: Was I named after anyone? I was named after a song and my great grandmother

137: Do I like my handwriting? No it looks ugly 138: What was my favourite toy as a child? Legos139: Favourite Tv Show? Greys anatomy 140: Where do I want to live when older?Somewhere where I’m stable with everything it doesn’t have to be a specific place

141: Play any musical instrument? Nope142: One of my scars, how did I get it? Depends on which one I’m clumsy af so I have scars almost everywhere

143: Favourite pizza toping? Pepperoni & sausage 144: Am I afraid of the dark? I was when I was younger but I love my room being dark

145: Am I afraid of heights? No146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Sneaking out I never attempted but anything bad I can’t think of any scenarios

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? All the time 148: What I’m really bad at communication

149: What my greatest achievments areI don’t have many on the academic side but for polo there’s a lot

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me I hear this shit all the time from my parents so nothing bugs me at this point

151: What I’d do if I won in a lotteryPay for a lot of shit that needs to be paid

152: What do I like about myself my charm 😌153: My closest Tumblr friend There’s a couple of mutuals out there that are awesome and I’m sorry for losing contact with you all. You guys are all amazing 🙌🏼 and as for new followers come talk to me I’m pretty interesting

154: Something I fantasise about I fantasize about my crush a lot actually

155: Any question you’d like? It’s not a question but next time I reblog something like this I need to make sure there’s not 155 questions cause this literally took forever to answer

[elevenfifths]

i was a pretty cool kid imo