#anyway hate how much i am Influenced by this Shit Weather

[toytulini]

does the sun want to come out. and is the alledged springtime in the room with us right now?

[flyandfamousblackgirls]

RASHIDA RENEÉ WANTS YOU TO KNOW YOUR HISTORY by  Alexis Rene Moten (Culture Jock)

Let’s start this article with a quiz: Name a Black model from the 1990’s that isn’t Naomi Campbell or Tyra Banks?

Stumped? It’s safe to say that if the question were asked to name a White model that wasn’t Kate Moss or Cyndi Crawford, best case scenario you would’ve excelled with a list to provide. Maybe something like: Linda Evangelista, Claudia Schiffer, Christy Turlington, Shalom Harlow, Carla Bruni, Heidi Klum..you get my point.

At times, Pop Culture can be a fair-weather friend. Monday’s It-girl becomes Friday’s nobody and by Sunday there’s a new hot thing in town to get all the girls in a fuss. But as nostalgia-trends rises as capitalism’s newest enterprise, endorsed largely by social media app, Instagram, history is being retold by the agenda of it’s curator. The selective hearing of  Instagram accounts like @90scelebvibes (391K followers) and @90sanxiety (793K followers) present a facade that the past was rather beige, leaving largely out the credit due to the Black and people of color creatives that developed and inspired the trends imitated today.

Bay area based, Fashion archivist Rashida Reneé, takes on self-love to a familial level celebrating her love and the appreciation of Black designers, models and other fashion industry influencers that otherwise go forgotten in our modern culture. In fashion, as in anything else, things old become anew. However, Reneé takes on the responsibility as a trend gatekeeper, providing evidence of what fashion used to be and recognizing the faces we longed forgotten.  

Q: Name a Black model from the 1990’s that isn’t Naomi Campbell or Tyra Banks?

A: Beverly Peele,  Gail O’Neill, Iman, Kara, Young, Karen Alexander,  Louise Vyent, Roshumba, Veronica Webb, etc.

Culture Jock: What is a typical day for the most hated hoe in the city?

RR: (laughs) It’s weird, I kind of like to keep it to myself. Keep track of what I like and my thoughts. I don’t know. I'm very low-key person in real life, but when I do leave the house (pauses) I do, I promise! I just like my personal time, but when it’s time to be out I am present, as much as possible. I do what I do becauseII like giving information to people and give them links and information just so they know.

CJ: What brought you into fashion archiving?

RR: My whole archiving process was originally for myself and filling in spots of information where there it was empty of black people. Of course, there is street fashion, but in terms of online fashion, sites like Manrepeller, you didn’t see a lot of black girls doing it and the people doing it I thought were lame. Finding other black people who weren’t anti-black in those kind of spaces. I felt a lot of people were trying to make us to assimilate. Everyone was kind of like doing the same things and it was like, ‘Naomi Campbell!’ But if it were any other dark girl it didn’t matter. So, I started my own blog and then I had to stop myself from posting Naomi Campbell’s photos too. I would do one picture of Naomi Campbell a day and try to really give props to other black woman involved and black people in general. When I was younger I was familiar with the other models not just Naomi Campbell, my mom was really in it with Naomi. She worked in a beauty salon, which had magazines of all the models. Like, black hair magazines, they always listed the models so, no matter what you knew who they were. Whoever it was in the 90s, ‘this is who that is and this who that is.’ You’d see the oldest Destiny Child’s video shoots in black hair magazines. I just haven’t seen other people doing that. There are other girls now that focus more on Hip Hop in 90s and 2000s. Livejournal, fashion spot, Tumblr, people didn’t go out of their way to scan the black models or even try to name them. It’s funny, people online, they don’t even try to hide their biases. No one was really fashion blogging the way I like or how I see .

CJ:In your piece for Office Magazine you mention, from Patrick Kelley to today’s influence of Dapper Dan, American culture from its roots drips of Black influence and culture. Why do you think Black culture is so immutable and where do you see the ownership of our creations.

RR: People I mean know, it’s just like, it’s weird and odd to even talk about. Not just people referencing me or copying, I feel like I am being gaslit all the time or being told that. People love stealing from black people. People love stealing from black people. People love stealing from black people and lying about it. People hate black people but they think we are cool. I can’t even (pauses)yeah it’s very weird. The twitter thing is weird (sighs).

CJ: It is weird.

RR: (sighs) It’s not really helping them. It’s boring to live with no personality. To see someone interesting and steal from them to bolster themselves. [On social media] we have the means to share with each other, like, moments that are of shared experiences of oppression and that is even imitated. I don’t know why the copy of things are okay. It is such a multi-layered thing. Or the way the Stans talk like mainly the Black queer and Black trans talk and how all of that is now being used by everyone. Ariana Grande, ya know, icons talk like girls on the ballrooms did back in 2006. Parodying things. It helps them develop their own brand, I don’t understand their fascination with us anyway. I’m into my own shit and own culture. I like the way black people express themselves and other people use us and what we do to talk to each other or communicate and then take that to feel cool. I’ve always been,like, ‘why would someone want to be like this?’ or pretend. I don’t get it. People run out of content. I know people used to make fun of me and the things I used to be and ironically they are into it now. People need to find their own hobbies. They are bored.

CJ: The internet is complex. It’s a parody of itself.

RR: Knowing your history is important. You need to know where you came from to know where you are going. When it comes to fashion archives the question is, ‘what is it that you are looking for or trying to highlight?’ My concern is that fashion archiving is feeding into nostalgic trends, where it’s easier to mimic what was done before rather then create new moments. Do you share the same sentiments?

CJ: What is it about fashion that excites you?

RR: It’s so fun and so funny. The dolls are taking over. That’s how most things go, the things that happened come back with a hyper focus. It really is going full out now. It’s interesting to see how people are dressing now. [Fashion] is always reflective of the political climate. Think about the 80s everyone is dressing like a dickhead. Then when people got sick of dressing like a dickhead, minimalism comes in. We cycle through trends so fast, today. I remember a girl wearing a hair clips and no one was into it. Then the next week everyone was wearing them, then I see Cyndi Lauper in an interview wearing hair clips. She’s like 50-something and she’s wearing hair clips made out of Swarovski crystals. It’s so interesting. It’s funny how it happens. Now everyone is into fashion.

CJ: Who are your biggest fashion influences ?

RR: My biggest influences are Naomi Campbell and my mom. Girls I follow on the internet. My mom is from San Francisco lives her own life and is very eclectic. I get a lot from her and different taste. Foxy Brown is also very inspiring, I reference her a lot I think about her and Steven Miesel. Steven knows how to do everything. Steven can do everything. Everyone knows I am a crazy Beyoncé fan. But, I have different girls for different moods. My main inspo is Naomi and Foxy Brown. I really gravitated to Foxy because she was more into Prada and Chloe when Stella McCartney was there. Because of Foxy I love Chloe. She was very cool. Naomi is, you just aspire to that level of greatness. There is no one else. Even in her flaws she handles them so well. I can’t imagine someone else with that kind of rap sheet to not get fully canceled. I judge people by how they react to criticism. She handles it really well. I find that really inspiring.

CJ: What film or television do you think has the best fashion catalog? If you could what character's closet would you love to raid?

RR: I am so frazzled. There’s so much stuff I like. I write things down specifically, because I can never remember. I watched The Nanny last year with Fran Drescher, when I was really depressed and was like, ‘Wow this is inspiring.’ Brenda Cooper, her mind. Everyone had a look in. Pose, is another one. Everything has intentions from the main characters to the background characters. I really like the first season of costume design. It’s commitment to that era. Someone is always dressed like, Karen White or Jodi Whitley. Elektra is very dynasty, that high lady energy. I love that about the show. I love Glow, the costume designer, Beth Morgan. I love when people do era shows, specifically the 80s and they don’t try to soften it, especially in makeup or hair. They aren’t scared to embrace the ugliness, I love that. That’s what good costume design is about. High fashion is easy, but what really gets me is watching old movies and looking at the clothes.  

CJ: We are moving into a new decade of 2020. I have a feeling it may be the year of 2020 vision and final clarity. What are your aspirations for this new era and what do you hope to see from the world?

RR: I feel like the children are our future. That’s what I’m looking at, to see what the kids are into. People are more focused into what they look like and I remember if someone dressed a little bit out of fashion it was a huge deal and get talked about. But now they are embracing their weirdness and experimenting. Do you watch that Tik Tok stuff? I just want a regular life. Happy, healthy, all my kids are happy and healthy. When I move to [Los Angeles] and get hotter, hotter and I want to  become, what is that called, a wellness person? I want a Goop moment, but with Solange aesthetics. Maybe make a propaganda film to get people to stop wearing wigs.

[valleeeeejo]

Make way i’m coming to LA

can you tell I was in year book just from that headline, cause thats all I was reminded of trying to quickly think of a quirky, cringey, catchphrase to start the caption with so Ms Williams wouldn't yell at me for not finishing a page I had 3 months to do because I was too busy doing the Lab report that was due next class. oh how nostalgic.

Anyways guys I really could give less of a shit really I'm only going because if I didn't it would probably make my mom sad. Also anything to get out of this 120 degree weather every fucking day, have I mentioned how much I hate this town yet?

but yea I haven't been since it turned into the influencer capital, and you might be thinking jo just avoid saddle ranch and you'll be fine. And to you I say fuck you, dude when I say I know LA is crawling with wanna be somebody's just DESPERATELY clawing for any attention they can get... I mean like it gives blood sucking mosquito

Watching people make tiktoks in public makes me more suicidal the I already am. However I do look forward too just walking around and psychoanalyzing the strangers I come across, just roming around in angst until kris Jenner sees me and decides I'm her new passion project.

LA has never been a biggie for me because its like 4 hours away, and we would go there so often as a kid that I would memorize the traffic patterns, the only things ever really exited me would have to do with the things I was hyper fixating on at the time. Like when I was 10 I dragged my mom and dad to take me to Georgetown cupcakes because I was obsessed with the tlc show dc cupcakes. like they took me to Disneyland and I could have given less of a fuck.

We have urth cafe here, so like yea theres nothing interesting in LA, Id much rather go to norcal even though that would probably mean id have to interact with family that I could care less about, it would be worth it tho to go to baker beach again... last time I was up there with my long time internet friend it was fr so nice. I just prefer the Bay Area its genuinely like home away from home.

However if I takes some digitals so I can start sending them to agencies I will be satisfied with this trip... I just hate any extended time period where don't have oodles of alone time.

[stylesvolume94]

She’s Moved On

July 21, 2020 // 11:03 pm 

“Ah, c’mon H, I’m sorry!” Benny was trailing behind a stomping Harry attempting to get him to understand his remorse. “Listen, I didn’t plan for tonight to go down the way it did...you know that if I had any idea she was going to show up I wouldn’t have asked you to come with!”

Harry suddenly spun around just as they had stepped up to his apartment door. Face red with anger and fists clenching at the hoodie in his hands as a reminder to not hit anything, Harry got up in Benny’s face not bothering to keep his voice down. 

“That’s just it, Benny! Never wanted to go in the first place, but you always have to push and push!” Benny cast his head down slightly, furrowing his brows and clenching his jaw in frustration. He had only wanted to get his friend out of hiding and around good company, but he never expected her to be there. Then again, it was a very popular fair and the whole group knew that Brayley still lived in the area. 

After several minutes of heavy breathing and counting back from one hundred, Harry closed his eyes and brought his hands to his face, hiding his shame in the soft black hoodie. He shook his head trying to rid his anger away the best he could. He knew it wasn’t Benny’s fault that she showed up, anyone could’ve shown and if anything, it was Harry’s fault. He was the one that dated her, not Benny or any of his other friends. Being the first time in years he had seen her, he was more than taken aback. 

With a final shake of his head, he ran his hands down his face. “Just please leave. Wanna be alone for the rest of the night.” Harry turned to put the key in the lock, having a bit of trouble from his trembling hands. 

“M’sorry, Harry. Really, I am.” Benny’s voice came out as a whisper and Harry knew he really meant what he said. Out of their small group of friends, Benny and Harry were the closest. He had been there on Christmas day when Harry was alone and in a fit of rage from his breakup. Had been there when Harry broke down in the worst amount of guilt and shame he had ever felt. He was the one who drove Harry to his first therapy appointment and rehab group and has never once made Harry feel badly for his past mistakes.   

With these reminders, Harry turned back to his best mate, glancing up at him and offering the smallest tinge of a smile. “Yeah, I know.” He whispered. “S’ok. Just tired now. I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah, a’right. Goodnight, H.” Benny retreated towards the elevator just down the hall as Harry entered his apartment. He went straight to the kitchen and opened up the cabinet closest to the fridge as if on instinct. He furrowed his brow when he was met with a few glass dishes and then dropped his head in humiliation. He’s been sober for years and here he was looking for a drink. He felt sick. 

Opting on a glass of apple juice, Harry sat at his dining table, staring at nothing in particular as the darkness surrounded him. The only light coming through was from the moon and Harry wondered if Brayley was laying on the beach with her new boyfriend, talking about nothing as her face split into a shit eating grin and her hands gestured wildly in the summer breeze. Tears sprung to Harry’s eyes at the image. 

With a defeated sigh, Harry carefully placed his head in his palms and rubbed at his temples. The events of hours ago replayed in his head as he remembered seeing his ex-girlfriend for the first time in several years; a real wakeup call and kick in the ass if anyone were to ask how he felt the moment his eyes landed on her beautiful figure. 

---------

7:18 pm

“C’mon man, it’ll be fun as shit. You know Dax will be there and he’s bringing his bag, so don’t pussy out now. Come get high with us, eat some shit food, and go on a few rides. You can’t mope around forever.” 

“Y’know I don’t do that shit anymore, Benny. Stop being a dick.” 

“The only one being a dick here is you, H. Just say yes, and I’ll stop askin.”

With a roll of the eyes, Harry rose from his spot on the worn leather couch to gather his keys and wallet before heading to put on some shoes. Less than pleased, he followed Benny out the door for their twenty-minute drive. Bennet had been trying to convince Harry to join him and their group out to the local fun fair, but Harry was stubborn. He didn’t want to go, didn’t want to be around other people and definitely not at a place that reminded him of his past mistakes. He eventually gave in, only wanting his friend to shut up and the night to be over. And maybe he wouldn’t mind a churro and slurpee. 

7:47 pm

“All right, what’s our game plan?” Benny clapped his hands. Rubbing them together, he was way more excited than Harry thought he should’ve been upon arriving to the fair and meeting the others. It was quite a beautiful evening; seventy-some degrees with a breeze coming in from the lake. The sun was still high but would go down in the next hour or so. Laughter, music, and the squeak of rides filled Harry’s headspace and he wondered if he might actually be able to enjoy himself or at least use the pleasurable environment to lift his mood. 

As promised, Dax brought his drawstring with small baggies that Harry had no interest in accepting. Jace and Brit showed up hand-in-hand, Tyson trailing behind already a bit red-eyed and too smiley. Harry loved his friends, adored them really even if they were all slight druggies who partied too much. They were good company and were the only ones who stayed after Harry’s bad breakup. His ex didn’t take a liking to them, she had thought they were bad influences that were going to take his mind off his music and ambitions. Harry hadn’t thought so and this led to more fights than he could count. Memories of past fights were interrupted by a happy Tyson.

“Hazzy bear! What is up, my guy?” Ty walked up to Harry with his arms outstretched and a goofy grin plastered on his face. He was laughing at nothing and upon pulling him into a tight hug, Harry scrunched his nose at the smell of whiskey encasing the slightly shorter man. 

Harry spoke with a mixture of disgust and understanding, browns furrowed. “Tyson, you’re high as shit mate.”

“Hell yeah!” Ty bellowed out joyously, making Harry flinch and his nose turn up. He took a step back. “How much did you drink before coming here?”

“Oh c’mon, H! Don’t start with your newfound sobriety shit. I’m here for a good time, don’t ruin it!” Though his words came out seriously, Ty ended his scolding with a childish giggle. “How long you been sober for anyways, Haz?” Harry didn’t want to talk about this now. It seemed too heavy a conversation for a ‘fun’ night out. Then again, he didn’t want to draw attention to himself should Ty begin pressing for an answer. 

“Three years.” His face was firm, his voice even more so, indicating the end of the conversation. His friend didn’t catch on. 

“Ah, y’right, y’right. And what, no Brayley tonight?” As Tyson started to smirk, Harry grew tense and eyes widened at the sound of her name. ‘Why bring her up,’ Harry thought, ‘There’s no reason, no fucking reason.’ 

“What the fuck, Ty? Stop, you know that shit’s touchy.” Jace smacked Tyson on his right temple, as Benny scolded him. 

“Oh, fuck off, mate. I was just messin.” Harry shook his head, eyes downcast and chest tighter than a minute ago. Though the sun was shining and weather still nice, Harry felt his body turn cold with remorse and then flush not a minute later with embarrassment. 

He hated the reminder of her. Hated the constant nag of guilt that still hasn’t subsided, and as he was given a round of sympathetic glances, he felt he was going to be sick. ‘I don’t need sympathy. Don’t deserve it.’

Suddenly, there was an awkward tension amongst the small group. They all knew what happened between Harry and Brayley, how he treated her and how she left him. Harry was a wreck after but before his sadness was anger. He was pissed that she had left him, that she wasted two years of his life, and even more pissed at the idea that she had gotten with him for the money and fame. Of course, though, that wasn’t true. 

When his year of anger vanished, he was hit with regret and guilt. That’s when he started his therapy for anger and rehab for alcohol. The years seem to drag day by day, yet they’ve passed so quickly. Dr. Tallon said Harry’s been getting better, giving him weekly exercises and tasks to get him through any temper fits and a prescription for the anxiety and grief that is also improving. 

Harry liked Tallon, though often felt he was too therapeutic at times, way too sympathetic and kind. Harry didn’t need sympathy. He needed answers to why he did what he did, for someone to explain to him why he felt so fucked-up and broken when years ago he felt lively and powerful. Maybe soon he’ll figure it all out. 

Harry was brought out of his thoughts once more as he heard Tyson slightly slur Brayley’s name again. As he spoke, Harry stalked toward Ty with a scowl on his face and fists balled at his sides. “Fuck, Tyson! Would you shut the hell up about her, already? I don’t want to hear her name come out of your mouth again or I swear-” 

“Shut the fuck up, Harry.” Ty interrupted with a less than amused tone. “I only said her name because she’s here.” 

Harry felt his chest cave in and for a second he couldn’t breathe. ‘Here? Right now?’

“What?” He meant for his question to come out more authoritative, but it ended up sounding quite pathetic when his voice cracked. Tyson didn’t answer. Instead, Harry felt a hand on his shoulder to turn him slightly right. 

His face softened and hands carefully reopened. If anyone were to see him now, they would think he had just witnessed something magical. Maybe a love-at first sight situation or the setting of the sun on a beach with waves lightly crashing and weather just absolutely perfect. But the truth could be seen in his eyes; they were pained, so sad and shocked and confused but also happy in a way that he got to witness her beauty once more. 

And there she was, wearing small jean shorts and a bleach-spotted black t-shirt that seemed to be torn from the bottom to make a crop-top depicting some sort of band that was too hard to make out from the distance. Harry couldn’t remember the last time he saw her wearing such revealing clothing. The problem with this thought was the outfit wasn’t that much revealing at all but being with Harry meant wearing clothes he deemed appropriate. The old Harry, of course, for now he understands how controlling a nature he had with Bray. 

She looked amazing. She was a bit tanner than he remembered and her hair a longer length but still a wavy brown that made her look incredible. Harry couldn’t tear his eyes away from her small frame. Seeing her for the first time in so many years seemed almost mocking, as if the universe wanted to toy with him, punish him. Brayley was laughing, smiling up at this man next to her who wore a smile just as big. 

-----------

11:21 pm

Harry was brought out his head when his phone buzzed from inside his jean pocket. Pulling it out, he saw a text from Tyson. ‘I’m sorry Haz. Didn’t mean to ruin our time or make you uncomfortable. Call me tomorrow? Maybe we can go to lunch when I’m not high as fuck. Love you H.’

Feeling as though he’s sighed a thousand times since he left for the fair, Harry let one escape his lips before he downed the rest of the juice in the glass. He stood to place the cup in the sink then headed for his bedroom. Harry didn’t bother taking off his clothes nor do his usual routine, he was too tired, felt his heart was still too heavy in his chest.  

Harry closed his eyes and tried to allow his brain to shut down. He wanted sleep, prayed for it and for the day to be forgotten so he could move on. But as the minutes dragged into hours, Harry huffed and turned to face the ceiling. Memories of his ex at the fair began playing through his mudded mind once again, but this time, with every glimpse of her and that man she was oh so happy with that evening, came a flashback to when Harry called Brayley his. 

------

8 pm

The two were in line at a cotton candy stand. Harry watched as the tall, also tanned man handed over a few bills to pay for the purple and blue swirled candy floss. He saw Brayley snap her head to the man’s face and he realized she too had her hand up with some cash, ready to pay. Harry felt his heart squeeze painfully at the sight; she was surprised at this man’s kind gesture.

November 15, 2016

Throughout their relationship, Harry had asked Brayley to pay for their meals only a few times. Brayley didn’t mind and often found herself asking to pay because she felt so lucky to have Harry in her life. She wanted to treat Harry to nice meals and hoped that those small gestures reminded him of her love. 

The last time he made her pay came about unexpectedly, though, and further into their dating. Brayley thought they were having a really nice night out. Harry had finished writing for the album, had finished recording and his record was in the mastering process. Harry wanted to celebrate and Brayley hadn’t seen him so happy to go out for dinner since their very first date. When the bill came and Harry looked across the table to his girl with expecting eyes, Brayley knew the night was going to take a turn. 

“I pay more than half the rent. I pay for all your car problems. I paid for your books this semester too! And what, you can’t get this one fucking food bill?” After going back and forth for several minutes, Harry tried his best to keep his voice hushed. He spoke in the most threatening tone, face hard and hands beginning to ball under the table. Brayley was surprised at his sudden anger but not as much as she wished she should have been. She was too used to his foul mood that never went away; she just didn’t think he’d bring up his paying for her as a way to make her feel guilty. 

“I didn’t ask you to pay for my books.” Brayley felt defeated, utterly helpless and completely embarrassed in that moment. “You surprised me with it, and I never asked you to pay for my car maintenance either, you said you would so I could focus on my loans. And I pay you back for my share that I don’t pay outright for the apartment.” Tears started forming in the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over. “Please don’t make it sound like I’m using you for money or something because we both know that isn’t true.” Throughout her pleading, her voice was soft and never once raised. She always hated that about herself; how she was never able to fight back when Harry belittled her and made her feel weak.

“Well sorry I’m just trying to be a good boyfriend, hm? Maybe you should try being a decent girlfriend sometime.” So, Brayley paid for the meal, hesitantly of course. After paying off two thousand dollars’ worth of some student loans, she was unsure if she would be able to afford their expensive Italian meals. She’d quietly asked Harry once more when she saw their waiter approaching if he could just pay for this one night, but as the young man reached the table, Harry only stared at her. She knew she was going to hear it when they got home, knew she was in for a loud and lonely night, yet again. 

A few days after that date, Harry walked through the door with his hands full of Chinese take-out, ready to surprise his girl after a bit of guilt crept its way into his chest. Upon shutting the door and turning towards their bedroom, he heard Brayley crying in the hall bathroom. He pressed his ear to the door to better understand her through violent hiccups. She was confessing over the phone, to her mother he later found out, that she was late on a loan payment because she didn’t have the money right then and was now facing a hefty fee that she knew she couldn’t pay. She never brought that up to Harry and Harry never helped her out. 

---------

8:32 pm

Brayley and the mystery man had moved to stand in line for the ferris wheel. Its slow blinking lights and very faint stereotypical clown music used to be enough to make Harry lose his ever-loving mind, but as he witnessed such a gorgeous woman be helped inside a blue-scraped car, Harry couldn’t help but feel like absolute shit. That should have been him on that ride. It should have been him she was smiling at as the wheel turned to lift them high into the sunset. 

June 15, 2015

“Hey, H, could we go on the ferris wheel?” Brayley had tugged on Harry’s jacket sleeve, asking to go on her favorite ride at the fun fair. She had a soft spot for it as that was the ride her father always took her on as a child. Now she wanted to experience it with the new man in her life, her boyfriend of two years. Harry was apprehensive about even going out that night but Brayley mentioned that he promised she could pick their entertainment for the weekend. 

“Don’t wanna.” Harry muttered, his mood the same as it was the moment he agreed on steeping out for the evening. He was less than pleased to go to a damned fair; he hated the noise, the children, everyone in bathing suits as they come off the beach and right onto the fair rides. He hated the fun fair, always had. Brayley was determined to get Harry on the ride. She thought he would love it, think it was somewhat dreamlike, but she was dead wrong. 

“C’mon, it’ll be super cool! We’ll be able to see the whole fair and out into the lake, too. It’ll be really pretty, c’mo-” 

“I said I don’t want to go on that fucking thing. Besides, we don’t have enough tickets.” As he spoke, Harry kept his eye on a football match he had pulled up on his phone that his friend Benny sent him. He took a seat on a nearby bench making Brayley talk as she followed. 

“Yeah we do! S’only like four a person, I think. I can cover for both of us.” At this point, Brayley was begging for her boyfriend to do something with her, something she enjoyed for once. 

As he tried listening to what she was telling him, Harry missed the main point of the video, getting frustrated at his girlfriend’s voice. “I don’t want to! Why can’t you just accept that?” He barked at Bray, resulting in her frame deflating and face flushing from his scolding. 

But just like every day, her voice was the softest she could make it. “Because I wanted to do something fun with you.”

“I brought you to this damn fair, didn’t I? What, you’re not having fun?” Harry set his phone on his lap, putting all his attention on the girl in front of him. He knew that if he focused on her she would get slightly uncomfortable at the confrontation-like position of them and stop asking. 

Brayley knew at this point he wasn’t going to change his mind. But, maybe guilt-tripping him a little would get him to soften up. “We haven’t really done anything except eat and watch people play games...” 

Then again, he’s never been soft with her. “You know what? Go on the stupid thing your damn self. I’ll wait here until you’re done.”

That’s how Brayley ended up in the single rider’s line, waiting her turn to be ushered into a tiny swaying cat. She wanted to be excited but part of her was embarrassed to be standing where she was as she witnessed dozens of smiley couples get into their own little car. She was brought out of her sadness when the worker opened her side of the gate to let her into a shining red one with a young man already inside. Confused, she stepped up and in, taking a seat next to the other single rider as he latched the safety bar across their laps. 

“Hi, I’m Chris.” His voice was kind, soothing and distracting as he stuck his hand over to shake hers. 

“Brayley, nice to meet you.” She offered a kind smile. 

Chris returned the gesture. “You as well. So, nobody to ride with, huh?

“Yeah, no. Unfortunately, not. I didn’t see you in the single line?” Maybe small talk will make this experience way less awkward. 

“Yeah, my boyfriend was with me, but he chickened out at the very last second. Had to be let out but he said he’d get us some corndogs while I took a quick round.” Chris was nice, super nice. He seemed really sweet as well and as the two slowly moved then stopped every so often to let on new riders, she found herself becoming comfortable next this stranger. She had completely forgotten about her small tuff with her own boyfriend just across the way from her, but she didn’t care. She wanted a minute to herself to be in the company of someone who didn’t have a scowl on their face every second of the day. 

When the ride ended and the two strangers said their goodbyes, Brayley made her way over to Harry. It should be noted that he had witness the entire exchange between the two just moments ago and was not very thrilled at the idea of his girl talking to another man. 

That night, Harry broke three plates and five glass cups after accusing Brayley of finding her ferris wheel partner on purpose to make him jealous. She fell asleep in the guest room; too upset to sleep next to her boyfriend’s hard, whiskey-filled body, and too afraid to confront him the next morning. 

---------

9:47 pm

Harry unapologetically had watched his ex and her new man walk to the opening gate of the beach. Benny was trying to get his attention but as he pressed Harry to stand from the food truck-provided bench, he was met with a deep huff and child-like cross of the arms. A real pouter if he’d ever seen one. The two lovebirds seemed to float over the sand with hands interlocked. Slowly, she placed her opposite atop the man’s forearm. Resting it there gently, she glanced up as if to see if he was angry at the action, to see if he would pull away and scold her for touching him. But he didn’t. Instead he leaned down and placed a delicate kiss right above her brows and then another on the top of her head when she blushed furiously and looked towards the ground, biting her lip to tame the smile stretching across her now reddened face. It made Harry sick. He longed for a chance to do that with her; hold her hand and lie on the beach to watch the stars shine above. 

October 3, 2016

“Stop.” Brayley laugh at Harry’s deep tone, thought it was a playful demand. “Said stop, Brayley.” Impatient. Again, she tried slipping her hand into Harry’s to thread her thin fingers through his thick, ring-covered ones. He wasn’t best pleased at the final attempt. “Brayley! What the fuck, I said stop!”

Harry had fully turned toward his girl with arms down by his sides and fists balled. He took a threatening step forward, warning her that should she try again he would flip immediately. Brayley backed down, like a dog submitting to another to show they understand the others dominance.  “Sorry...I thought you were just messing around...”

Harry wanted to scoff at such a pathetic reply. Wanted to laugh in her face for trying to ease his anger but instead he surrendered to the fire burning hot in his chest. “You always think I’m pissing around when I’m not. You joke too fucking much and it’s annoying as hell.” With one last glare, he turned to continue down the wooden path that lead to a bench-filled side of the beach. They were to have a picnic and watch the sunset. Brayley already felt too uncomfortable to continue the night. “Sorry.” She whispered, though Harry was already several yards away. 

A little while later, when the sandwiches were devoured and lips stained red with wine, Brayley looked over to her boyfriend of two years. In her slight haze of a mind, she forgot about his flaws, how he treated her like trash and did almost everything but make her feel loved and secure. She saw him for his outward beauty. How it augmented when the sun was low enough to cast such a magnificent golden glow upon his tanned skin and made Harry close his eyes ever so softly to bask in its brilliance. 

Without much thought to anything at all, Brayley leaned over the picnic basket, closed her eyes, and pressed her cold lips to Harry’s warm ones. His eyes flew open at the sudden pressure and hands jutted to pull her away. “Brayley, are you fucking kidding me?” He seethed.

Out of breath and slightly confused on what had just happened, Bray furrowed her brows and returned to her original place on the blanket. She thought for a minute then tried her hand at reasoning. “There’s not many people around...I just wanted to give you a kiss...”

Harry was more than fed up with her excuses. “Doesn’t matter! I don’t like PDA, you know that. So why do keep trying to kiss me and hold my hand? I hate it when you do that shit in public. I told you to just fucking stop!” Properly shouting at this point, the pair caught the attention of passerby who wore sympathetic smiles, that is if they dared to look over. 

“M’sorry. Won’t do it again.” Another whisper. She was too embarrassed to look over. 

Hours pass by and the pair remained on the blue checkered blanket, but now Harry had laid down with his feet buried in the still hot sand and sweater-clad arm resting over his eyes. Brayley felt fine at this point, not as loopy as she had before; Harry’s scolding sobered her quickly. But as she watched the waves crash over and over again, she felt the breeze become more intense with the passing minutes. She took a chance at asking Harry for a bit of help. 

“H?” She tried. “Hey, Harry?”

“What?” A grumble, could’ve been worse. 

“Would it be all right if I wore your jacket...just for a little bit? I’m getting kind of cold.” To get her point across, Brayley let out a shiver and began rubbing her hands together. Harry was having none of that, his nerves were shot way too early in the day and now he was completely done. 

“Oh, you’re getting cold, huh? Didn’t I say this was gonna happen? We come to the beach at night and you think it’s gonna be like ninety degrees or some shit. I told you to bring a jacket, I told you several times, so what, now I have to be cold just because you decided to be stupid and not listen to me?”

She was too tired to argue. Tired of the way he always spoke to her and tired of the fighting. She knew if she had responded, Harry would’ve gone off and their late-night picnic on the beach would be properly ruined. So, she brought her knees up and wrapped her arms around herself before laying her right cheek against her freezing skin. Looking out into the ocean, she sent a prayer that Harry’s attitude would lighten up as quickly as the sun had set. Two hours later, she was properly shivering. Harry stood to pack up the basket and empty bottle of wine, not before commenting that her teeth chattering was the most annoying sound he’s ever heard. 

---------

2:02 am

Harry hadn’t had a proper cry in months but after doing so he felt the smallest bit better. This was what he needed; he needed to see her one more time, had to remember all that he did in order to work through that shit that was kept mudded up in his conscious for so long. He needed to cry it out. If he was ever going to get better, be better, Harry knew it was time to put Brayley Wright behind him. Not completely forget about her because being with her taught him so much, the understanding just came too late. 

Chest moving softly and slight hiccups escaping passed his lips, Harry began talking to himself. He tried to tell his mind that he was okay, that everything was going to work out no matter what, he couldn’t control fate but he could control how he lives his days from now on. As he reasoned with himself, Harry began nodding at the silent words he was thinking. He was feeling himself drift off, finally, but before sleep completely took over, Harry whispered one last line to the dark apartment bedroom: “She’s moved on. It’s time you do the same.”

[narcissasdaffodil]

Thank you for the tag @kiki-the-creator @codename-mango and @voile-de-lune this gives me a perfect excuse to ramble and talk in depth again!

1. What do you prefer to be called name-wise?

Iris. Some people know my real life name too, so if you do, please don’t use it on here. I make a serious effort to separate my real life from online life.

2. When is your birthday?

22nd February

3. Where do you live?

Wales, UK. That’s how specific I’m willing to get.

4. Three things you are doing right now?

Listening to music, thinking in general, and considering writing/editing something.

5. Four fandoms that have peaked your interest?

LITG definitely, that’s by far my main one. This blog is a split between LITG and positivity. I’ll chuck Choices, The Haunting of Bly Manor/Haunting of Hill House and Taylor Swift in there too. This blog has way more than just those 4, but those are my main ones.

6. How has the pandemic been treating you?

Back at the start of the year, I was getting better mental health wise, and starting to become a proper adult in general. Then the pandemic hit, and my mental health fully stabilised and has mostly been stable. I’ve had a couple anxious spirals and anxiety attacks since then, but I’ll always have anxiety and depression, it’s all about how I manage my shit and not let it overwhelm me too much. And, ooh! I started my first year of uni in September, and uni in a pandemic is definitely a strange experience. Online lectures actually fit better with me, not having to struggle to hear is great.

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

I’ll cheat, and go for two albums: Folklore and Evermore have definitely made my year! Those two have been on pretty frequent repeat, so yeah x

8. Recommend a movie.

Booksmart and Ladybird. I can’t remember watching anything in the past year, so here’s two recommendations from past years.

9. How old are you?

I’m 19, 20 in 2 months and a day! I don’t always keep a realistic count either, but oh well. It’ll be weird when I do hit my 20s for real though, it appears at the moment I’m likely to have a lockdown birthday.

10. School, university, occupation, other?

University and I’m mostly loving it! I love my course, and am so relieved that past me decided that English wasn’t my thing, or even half the weird stuff I got tempted to do. 4 years ago, I seriously wanted to be a child psychologist despite a dislike of children and sucking at Maths and needing a B to even take Psychology. I scraped a C, so Psychology was out, thank god.

11. Do you prefer hot or cold?

Cold by far. I hate hot weather and the summer with a passion. With cold weather, you can add more layers, hot weather you can’t do much, just get more and more uncomfortable!

12. Name one fact others might not know about you.

I want to be bilingual/trilingual in terms of long term life goals. I’m very slowly teaching myself French and Welsh. Both languages are on hold for a bit, but I plan to pick them back up.

13. Are you shy?

Yup. I plan words in my head when I do speak, usually the conversation has continued without me in groups, hell, even group chats that happens! For me to go unfiltered I have to be very comfortable with you, so if you’re starting to hear me talking about more weird stuff (I call it weird o’clock for a label) you know I’m very comfortable, especially so if my messages sound weird and I sound high. Which I’m not, just unfiltered.

14. Your pronouns?

She/her

15. Biggest pet peeves?

Slow walkers, noisy eaters, people who eat with their mouth open, people who move/take my stuff (like, I had it like that for a reason.), loud people, people being nuisances late at night, peer pressure/influencing people in general (I’m pretty damn stubborn, so if I don’t want to drink, there’s no way that you’ll influence me to), arguments, large groups, people who use me for a therapist, dogs (that’s more me not being comfortable with loud noise, things jumping up on me, being absolutely terrified of dogs/having a genuine trigger for them), people who mock strange/rare stuff about people (a serious amount of stuff about me is strange/weird. So you’ll need to find a different person if you want something not weird!), interrupters, being ignored deliberately, and I think that’s it! Phew, that’s a lot.

16. What is your favorite “dere” type?

I used to be into anime, but that was way too long ago, so I have no clue.

17. Rate your life from 1-10

Likely a 7/8. As my mental health is mostly stable, I can actually write and do creative stuff without letting other people tell me it sucks (well, if you hate my stuff so much, do you really need to tell me? Heck no, in my opinion anyway.) I don’t quit stuff just because I get negative feedback any more,

18. What’s your main blog?

I only have this one! My LITG/positivity/random crap one, which started as a mental health recovery/positivity and fandom blog, then gradually got more chaotic as my own creations appeared.

19. List your side blogs and what they’re used for.

I don’t use side blogs, mainly as when I used to have multiple accounts on other social media, I’d always end up sticking to one and neglecting the others. I don’t know how multiple blog people do it, seriously.

20. Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

If your first interaction with me is via an ask box, it might change a little bit once we properly message. I ramble, and talk about a serious amount of strange crap just because it interests me and do spam a lot when I do create stuff, so if spamming makes you uncomfortable, you’ll have to give me a heads up. But also what you see is pretty much what you get, I’m straightforward in that if you’re an arse to me, or people I care about, I will cut people out pretty quickly. I have no patience for people who lash out at others and do set boundaries with people. On a slightly more positive note, a side effect of chatting to me a lot is that I do gush about people’s work a lot. If I love something someone creates, my motto is always telling them! I’m human sunshine for a reason, but even then I can’t always keep it up, so don’t expect me to be constantly happy!

Tagging: @ravenadottir @confused-lesbiam @ajs-wife @bubblybabynailpolish @lucas-koh just tagged the first set of names I could think of!

[ofbloodmagick]

ROSE ARABELLA GORE

pronouns: SHE & HER + THEY & THEM

age: TWENTY - FIVE

sexuality: PANSEXUAL * DEMIROMANTIC * MONOGAMOUS

astrological signs: GEMINI SUN * SCORPIO MOON + ARIES RISING

occupation: BARTENDER @ DUTCH’S + MULTIPLE SIDE HUSTLES

+ traits: PERSUASIVE. ARTISTIC. RESILIENT. FASCINATING. ORIGINAL. RESOURCEFUL. WISE. ADVENTUROUS. BOLD.

-- traits: ECCENTRIC ( CREEPY ). SECRETIVE. DAMAGED. RESTLESS. TWO-FACED. JUDGMENTAL. RECKLESS. IMPULSIVE.

faceclaim: BILLIE LOURD

soul sounds: PLAYLIST !

aesthetic: ( TW: BLOOD ) BOARD !

YO YO YOU YO — it’s lydia here with my lil blood witch arabella , i have yet to get the chance to  r e a l l y  play her and i’m super excited for the chance bc i love them so very much. i have headcanon after headcanon for them , so hit me up if you want to do something bc i am ready to do some shit. anyway , LYDIA ( nary , nettle , snottie , etc. ) here again and i love a good name change , i’m twenty-five years old , a pansexual demigirl ( she / her * they / them ) like arabella themselves , and i reside in the central timezone ( FLORIDA IS HELL ). continue reading to learn all about ARABELLA GORE — the intense , mysterious clever little powerhouse that loves to be number one. 

PERSONALITY

RULING PLANETS: pluto — planet of power & regeneration * mercury — planet of communication * mars — planet of war & energy BODY PART: crotch * reproductive organs * shoulders * hands * head * face GOOD MOOD: resilient , magnetic , passionate , loyal , protective , artistic , brave , fascinating , original , resourceful , wise , adventurous , unstoppable , bold , devoted  BAD MOOD: obsessive , possessive , jealous , secretive , vengeful , manipulative , eccentric ( creepy ) , restless , two-faced , judgmental , proud , self-centered , impulsive , bossy , stubborn , reckless  ( SOME ) FAVORITE THINGS: obscure underground music , spicy food , an air of danger , one of a kind objects , organic ingredients , vinyl , magic , the color black , horror films , blood , fast cars , guitars , new clothes , road trips ( in fast red cars ) , expressing themselves through stunning verbal and physical feats ( SOME ) THINGS SHE HATES: simple small-minded people , insincere flattery , personal questions , living at someone else’s house , mornings , dress codes , authority figures , silence   SECRET WISHES: to have complete and total control +  to have all the answers + to be number one HOW TO SPOT THEM: intense eyes , hawk like gaze , smooth movements , dry blood/bruises/cuts/scars on pale skin , silver hair , big black bow , mischievous twinkle in their eyes , talking with their hands , focused or manic energy , aggressive stance WHERE TO FIND THEM: listening to bauhaus in her dark room , sitting at the corner table of a shitty underground bar smoking a cigarette , selling her magic and / or blood in some dimly lit room  KEYWORDS: intimacy , secrecy , power , intensity , obsession , cleverness , wittiness , inventiveness ,  ingenuity , willpower , initiative , determination , passion , self-belief

arabella’s mind and mouth are busy machines , always moving at warp speed. this witch is one of the most curious and cutting-edge individuals you will meet. there are at least two personalities inside of her at all times. adventurous , she can change her mind faster than the weather and is constantly flipping between moods. 

a true pioneer and trailblazer they’re the first to initiate things , fight for their beliefs and fearlessly put themselves out there. headstrong and determined , ella’s energy can be stubborn and willful a lot of the time. she does have a tendency to dig in her heels , stand her ground and absolutely refuses to be pushed around. 

they will butt their own metaphorical horns against the same obstacle until they break it down — often with sheer force of will. extremely confident , she believes in herself and will on occasion champion others she deems worthy.

she does love to chatter and has a million great ideas , always keeping a notebook handy to jot down her thoughts and ideas at any time. at times , their energy can circulate in a quick and frenetic way , the silver haired wiccan is known to inspireswitty wordplay and dynamic dialogue. 

when she applies herself , arabella is great at brainstorming and socializing. she also craves her “ twin flame ” and kindred spirit’s energy , always up for an intellectual meeting of the minds. 

under the influence , they find themselves with the gift of gab; talking and conversing with others for hours , hopping from pop culture trends to deep political topics. beware “ gossip girl ” ella though , they can crank up the rumor mill sometimes unknowingly. as renowned dr. bernie siegel says , “ [ we ] have the ability to cure with either ‘ words ’ or kill with ‘ swords. ' ” 

powerful and sensual arabella is perhaps one the most misunderstood and mysterious person you could ever meet though. secretive by nature , this southern witch tends to linger in shadowy and hidden places that most wouldn’t usually have the courage to face.

she believes strongly in life , death and resurrection and arabella embraces these life cycles. she is continually transforming and reinventing herself. there are actually more like four sides of arabella and it really just depends how she feels about you.

the first is venomous and possessive like a scorpion ; the second as slippery , charming and deadly as a snake ; the third like a soaring eagle whose piercing gaze sharply observes the landscape ( and its prey ) below ; and the fourth side ever burning and all seeing as a phoenix that rises up from the ashes into eternal rebirth.

your muse may find themselves dealing with an intense individual with lots of energy. she has been known to hole herself up late at night to process complex emotions or channel her overwhelming feelings into focused work and creativity.

the essence of arabella’s personality is magnetic , fascinating , original , passionate , loyal , protective , trendsetting , controlling , unstoppable , bold , powerful , resourceful , wise , adventurous , focused , bond oriented and brave. on the flip side though , she can also be obsessive , possessive , jealous , prideful , self-centered , impulsive , bossy , stubborn , reckless , competitive , two-faced , judgmental , overwhelmed , secretive , vengeful , to even cruel , calculating and manipulative. 

she channels her intuitive tides into a forceful stream of psychic and healing energy. arabella excels in exploring the darker , unexamined sides of life. it has given her excellent research and sleuthing skills , helping her plumb the depths and peer below the surface. this witch likes a challenge , but she does have to really try hard not to fall into being selfish and domineering.

she will without question help out in the darkest hours; this witch bitch is not afraid to go into the murky waters of the emotional and spiritual unknown. intense feelings surface around her closest ties , but around those she isn’t close to ella has a wall up.

believes strongly in merging , bonding and sharing resources. she may get obsessive about a passion project or lover ( forrest ) , even becoming jealous or insecure. this mysterious demigirl wants to hide all of their vulnerabilities. yet , those raw and unprocessed feelings are often their access to power.

arabella can be tricky to understand. with her reserved persona , she seldom starts a conversation or expresses interest in others openly — unless she feels out the situation first.

once you get her to open up , however , you’ll feel her scorching passion for whatever topics fascinate her. be warned: arabella can focus on one subject to an extreme , so you may be in for a deeper dive than you or your muse expect — or want lol

her natural charisma can quickly pique someone else’s interest in the topic too though. 

another way to spot the witch ? look for her piercing gaze , which is hawk like at times narrowing in on her “ prey ”. if you happen to be the focus of that look , watch out.  you will feel read as easily as a children’s book as arabella seems to just KNOW all your secrets , soft spots and fears.

their focused attention can be addictive , even painful when pulled away. be careful how quickly you fall down their rabbit hole — it’s not as easy to crawl back up once you do. when you befriend them , you are likely entering into a power couple or formidable alliance. while she doesn’t give up loyalty and trust easily , once she does she’ll stick with you through thick and thin.

don’t even think about double crossing her tho bc she WILL unleash her fury on you , divulging secrets and airing dirty laundry or worse. revenge is her favorite dish to serve and it’s ice cold. on a positive note , arabella’s like the perfect person to help explore darker emotions or sexuality , happy to guide most through fifty plus shades of irresistible and soul communing experiences.

arabella can come across as clever and quick-witted , but part of the fun ( and curse ) of interacting with the witch is that you’re never quite sure which personality you’re going to experience. will it be the vivacious jokester or the snarky , mean-spirited critic ? 

although they may crave complete and utter control over everything , they secretly yearn for the very thing they fear: true intimacy with others. it takes a lot for ella to reveal her vulnerability , so guard that privilege with the utmost care. as she opens up and learns to show her shadow side , she can heal in ways that are truly profound.

highly impatient and competitive , they have the fighting spirit. ella were born to be number one , a star who steals the spotlight and inspires with her confidence. yeah , they can be impatient , even a little bossy , especially when they don’t get their way. she need lots of attention and can throw quite the tantrum when she doesn’t get it. fortunately , arabella rarely has a problem turning heads.

others love to follow as they take the lead on the latest adventure. she has to be reminded to make sure and let other people be the boss every now and then too , because she has a tendency to alienate potential allies. when they focus their competitive streak into a diva-worthy goal and delegate , they will always rise to the top !

they have a lot of energy , which they apply to everything from tackling supersized projects to unleashing their lusty libidos with forrest. this confident demigirl is known to leap before looking , diving into each new experience with a zest for life that few others can muster. 

they love to be number one and can be a bit of a trendsetter. she has been described before as ‘ a true original who inspires the rest. ‘ with all of their fire power and can-do attitude , there’s nothing arabella can’t ( or won’t ) take on. at times , ella can be selfish or overly focused on herself and it can be a “ blind spot ” for them , they may need a gentle reminder from time to time to share. 

she likes to shatter glass ceilings but can also be off-putting to people in extreme doses. this go-getter can come across as abrasive or overly aggressive , however; arabella will never back down from a challenge and can take on being the champion of those in distress when need be.

BACKGROUND

( TW: child abandonment ) so arabella doesn’t know her parents are but she does know that they ended up in some small southern town called suspiria , located in virgina of all places. her mother was really into the surface level southern gothic aesthetic suspiria offered and the unlikely couple settled there until arabella was born. her parents didn’t keep her very long though seeing as their shotgun wedding was never built to last and after she was born they both returned to where they came from or at least that’s as far as the story goes if you ask anyone in suspiria. 

( TW: military ment. , death ) her parents actually went their separate ways , her mother returned to her wealthy family and comfortable life never to seek out the unnamed child she’d left behind in some no name town. her father went on to join the military and was lost in the line of duty with no one to even pass that knowledge on. 

the infant rose , as they were first called back then , was left on the doorstep of an orphanage and that was where they would spend their childhood. it was not a pleasant place to grow up at all , but she was incredibly lucky in finding her twin flame in a sad , lonely young boy also growing up there.

little ella was never once adopted and she made damn sure to change the minds of anyone who so much as looked in her direction or asked her name. they grew an unhealthy attachment to forrest almost the minute they laid eyes on him , but they are connected very deeply and even as children arabella was acutely aware. 

growing up ( maybe even to this day ) they were considered a loner , an outsider , the weirdo , a creepy kid , etc. and the bullying only got worse. the people in the shitty children’s home and the tiny backwoods town in virginia ? they didn’t really respond too well to the two strange kids that collected animal bones and hunted for ghosts. 

in their early teen years ella started practicing satanism , but that was really just a gateway religion into wicca and her true passion , witchcraft. forrest took to it just as quickly as they did and soon the two had formed their own little coven , something that didn’t stay secret very long.

forrest , being the more scholarly of the two , found himself working for the governor on his campaign and eventually recruited arabella to do the same , but she worked more closely with the governor’s wife and the children. it only took a week , two tops , for the power hungry woman’s true intentions to came to light — dark magic.

( TW: cheating , infidelity )it’s true that ella helped with the gardening , the children , the cleaning , the cooking , all the usual suspects but she also did a number of spells involving blood and shadows. the items they created most for the governor’s wife was their own recipes for love potions and anti-aging blood serums. the woman was extremely suspicious of her husband having affairs with younger women , pretty self explanatory as to why she was seeking help from a known magic user. 

( TW: blood ment. , devil ment. ) it was something of a hot topic in suspiria , the governor and his family hiring the two freaky orphans and why. not long after , a photo was leaked of the governor’s wife as arabella painted her face in the bright crimson blood serum they had concocted themselves. it was common knowledge by then that the two practiced witchcraft and suddenly every headline was about the governor and his wife being ‘ corrupted by the evil devil worshipers the kind family had taken pity on. ‘ 

( TW: assault ment. , death , arson , house fire ) the town ? literally ready to burn them at the freaking stake and the two couldn’t go anywhere without fear of assault of some sort or worse. to make matters all the worse , the governor’s wife and children perished suddenly in a terrible house fire and who was the easiest target to pin it on ? arabella and forrest , the two town rejects , which is exactly what the governor did. they were treated as murderers , hunted like criminals , which is why as soon as they found out about the raging fire they left town. 

( TW: death ) for the next four years arabella and forrest were on the run from the governor and his goons , not stopping in any one place for very long for fear of being caught up to. over a year ago they finally got word that the governor had kicked the bucket and that anyone still looking for them likely had stopped by now. not long after , arabella came across a beautiful , vintage gothic home far more expensive than it was priced , but luckily for them the home had a rather grisly history and had been on the market for so long that the owners had cut the asking price tremendously.

( TW: scamming ) arabella was convinced that it was a sign from the universe letting them know it was okay to settle down for good now and once she’s convinced there’s no real changing her mind. so , by halloween of 2019 they were moving into the beautiful gothic home of the witch’s dreams and not long after they had rooms in their ‘ haunted home ‘ listed on every website possible to lure in dark tourists everywhere. how true everything is ? well , the two did take quite a few creative liberties and the occasional diehard , truly experienced fan of the paranormal would ( possibly have ) call them con artists. 

( TW: scamming ) not only do they rent out rooms , but they also have the occasional ‘ murder tour ‘ of their ‘ serial killer ‘ house. what it really boils down to is arabella has been hustling their whole ass life and it’s never going to stop. there is quite a bit of truth to their stories , but though both ella and forrest have encountered the paranormal multiple times in their lives , not just in pleasance either , they’ve never had any real activity that could count as reliable proof. everything involving the businesses run out of the house are little more than sideshow entertainment for pleasance dark tourists.

( TW: blood ) the witch also has a part time job working for jules at dutch’s , her official title would be a bartender but she really just does what is asked of her. you probably guessed it already , but she does also have a side operation selling her blood magic from underneath the bar at dutch’s and they’re hopeful that their boss is none the wiser.

ETC.

she does still have a slight accent because she is from such a small town where everybody had a drawl or twang. she doesn’t have a good education by typical societal standards , because she had such shitty public education growing up as an orphan and no one who enforced her learning or attending. they are , however;  incredibly street smart and by no means stupid. they have since taught themselves how to learn in a way best for them and are always devouring book upon book in order to teach themselves things otherwise she may never know. 

( TW: blood ) ella is a blood witch and often uses her own blood , animal blood , someone else’s blood , pretty much if there’s blood in any form she’s set. she 100% sells her magic to anyone who wants it and does dabble in the shadow side. it might not actually work all the time , but that’s not entirely her fault. 

( TW: bruising / injury ment. , blood , scar ment. , self harm ) a pretty big feminist , used to be in an all femme band called the hex girls ( come for me ) , goth and proud ??? a really big horror movie fan , pansexual demigirl representinggg ! always has bruises and cuts , dried blood covers their skin a lot where they miss it or just don’t care to hide it , also has quite a few scars from where she’s cut too deep ( some maybe on accident , some maybe on purpose ).

( TW: blood ) ella’s very creative ! they like to read , write , make art — out of blood lol she uses blood of all types to create a lot of art. she takes blood baths ( animal blood ) occasionally on the full moon , drinks animal blood during certain rituals , etc. also super into bone and taxidermy , you can definitely find her at deblanc’s. they also like to haunt the cemetery and creep around spotlight cinema , film is a big passion of hers. 

( TW: drugs & alcohol ment. , blood ) DOES imbibe lol a partaker of alcohol ( prefers animal blood with red wine or vodka ) and certain drugs. ella definitely smokes weed & cigarettes , they enjoy partying just like the rest but she’s more reserved and likes to people watch.

okay so it’s getting late and i can’t believe how long this intro actually took me to finish tweaking , but if you want to plot with me pls pls pls hit me up bc i’d love to do some stuff !! my tumblr DMs are always open and you can always hmu on discord too !! i also write bryce winslow ( milo ventimiglia FC ) but you likely know that lol. i’m sure there’s more i could say about arabella honestly , but if you have any specific things you’d like to know or it seems like i left something out or need to take a second look at something i’d appreciate any / all feedback. can’t wait to get some replies out , but that might have to wait until the morning. @phqextras​

[thisbitchinthecorner]

1976- Day 17 Ornament

This piece is important and will tie into a few other projects I have going right now. I wasn’t planning on revealing this yet, but the way the writing took felt right. I’ve been upset over the Star Wars leaks all day, so this sort of made up for it. For @drawlight

Ornament prompt!

In an antiquated bookshop in London Soho, an angel finishes decorating a massive Christmas tree; it is trimmed with garland of gold and lights of white, with many shiny ornaments depicting glorious angels all heralding the birth of Christ.

“So many pretty angels, looking all perfect with their wings and halos.” Crowley grumbled as he patted an ornament that looked remarkably like Michael.

“Angels are festive!” Aziraphale sputtered back.

“Needs more demonic influence, if you ask me.” Crowley quipped as he debated snapping the head off an ornament that strongly resembled Gabriel.

“It’s not like humans celebrate demons, Crowley.”

“Of course, who would want to put a creature of Hell on their Christmas tree?” Crowley said coolly.

“You cannot fault the humans, I mean, your kind is fallen and not something humans want to associate with.”

“Yes, angel. I’m aware. Fallen angel, not worthy of any respect what so ever.”

“Honestly, I don’t know what you expect. Humans believe they demons are evil, and no one wants anything evil...”

“No one wants anything evil what? Go on, finish what you were going to say.” Crowley snapped angrily.

“They don’t want anything evil around them.”

“I see. Who would want evil around when they can surround themselves with statues of angels that don’t give a shit about them.”

“Crowley, that’s not what I meant.”

“No no! I understand completely. Angels are good, demons are bad. Was that what you were trying to say?”

“Please don’t be upset.” Aziraphale tried his best to soothe.

“Why would I be upset? You’re just speaking the truth, aren’t you?” Crowley said bitterly.

“Don’t go! I didn’t mean you!”

“Well, I am a demon and I am fallen. Don’t worry, angel, I won’t pollute your home with my evil ways any longer.” Crowley yelled as he slammed the door, leaving Aziraphale completely alone.

He considered closing the bookshop, shutting down for the day, when the door opened and an elderly woman walked into the shop.

“I’m afraid I was preparing to close for the afternoon, if you could come back another time.” The angel, still clearly flustered, began.

“Please, if you don’t mind, I would very much so like to sell this book. You see, it’s been in my family a very long time, and none of my grandchildren are interested in it, so I thought before I throw it away, I would see if there were any takers.”

“An old book?” Aziraphale’s interest peeked.

“I can see that you’re getting ready to close, so I’ll just be off then.”

“Wait!” Aziraphale called. “I suppose I could take a look.”

“A look is going to cost you! No one outside of my family has laid a hand on this book, so if you’re interested.” The old woman wiggled the book a bit in front of Aziraphale.

“Very well, name your price.”

“Such a priceless heirloom cannot be summed up so easily...Oh! I see you have an antique silver tea set! You wouldn’t happen to have a milk pot with the cover would you? Mine went missing quite some time ago, and I haven’t been able to locate a suitable replacement.”

“I do have the milk pot, but I’m not certain I’d be willing to trade it for an unknown book. If I could perhaps...” Aziraphale said as he attempted to garner a glimpse.

“No. The milk pot for the book. One time offer.”

Aziraphale winced as he looked at his silver tea set, he would hate to part with such an ornate piece, but the book did appear to be quite old. “Alright, you have a deal.”

“Lovely!” The old woman grinned as she plunked the book into Aziraphale’s hands before plundering his silver service.

He looked down at the cover, the writing was scarcely legible; there were well-worn symbols embossed into the leather. Strange. He thought as he lifted the cover.

The writing was indeed ancient- no language ever spoken by humans, the language of the Seraphim, the language of angels.

“Where did you say you got this...” Aziraphale glanced up to see that he was once again, utterly alone in his shop.

He sat down at his desk and carefully opened the book; there were a great many pages loose that someone had seemingly shoved them inside haphazardly. It appears to be a recollection of the creation of angels. He scoured the pages with great interest, atop each page, a name, a rank and a description of the angel and their blessings.

Gabriel, Archangel

A mighty winged creature with eyes of violet, bands of gold flows through his throat, for he is the Word of God.

A stunning painting of a furious and righteous Gabriel holding a sword lit up the page, sending a shudder down his spine.

Let’s see Michael...Uriel...Raziel...Jophiel...Raphael... Camael... He muttered to himself as he flipped their pages, quietly admiring their Heavenly attributes and stunning images.

A torn slip of paper fell upon the floor, garnering his attention:

Jedbriel, Archangel

Most fair of all Heavenly creations....

eyes of gold and hair of flame. All ....

rejoices over his creations...

of stars that rain through the cosmos and ...

“Jedbriel? I haven’t heard this name before.” Aziraphale pondered as he held the slip of paper in his hand. “Archangel? That can’t be right.”

He continued to search the book, eventually coming to his own name; he blushed at the flattering drawing of him holding his flaming sword. He turned the page and what he saw caused his heart to skip a beat.

Crowley?

His rendering was unmistakable; auburn hair that fell past his waist, flowing down in a fiery wave. His golden eyes, warm and filled with light, seemed to look straight through to his soul. Wings of white illuminated by the radiance of starlight that surrounded him.

“Oh Crowley!” He sighed with adoration. He glanced up at the top of the page, looking for his name- the name that God herself had given to him, but the page was torn, many words were missing, but a few remained...

...with...

...Heaven...

...galaxies...

...beloved child of God.

Curious. He pulled the slip of torn paper and placed it over where the piece was missing; to his surprise, the piece fit seamlessly.

Crowley? It cannot be. Even if it were, that would make 8 archangels, and that’s not possible. We were told there are 7, always 7. This doesn’t make sense. His given name is Jedbriel? I don’t understand.

He poured over the book all that night, searching for clues, searching for anything that might give him a better understanding of who this mysterious named archangel was and why there was no other information to be found anywhere.

Nothing. How can he not exist at all in any other text? None of this makes sense. He poured himself another cup of hot chocolate as he continued to reason. But Crowley would have told me, it would have come up by now.

He paused and looked up at his brilliantly adorned Christmas tree, stunning angles heralding the arrival of Christ; trumpets and harps, halos and magnificent wings of white. His breath caught- these beautiful ornaments created by mankind to depict the glory of Heaven. If the information in the book was to be believed, then Heaven erased one of their own from existence- erased Crowley. Creator of stars and fairest of all Her creations. How painful it must be for the demon to look upon these ornaments and see nothing but pain, rejection and erasure.

Oh Crowley, I am so sorry.

Days pass, and another Christmas Eve arrives with little fanfare. Aziraphale continued to pour through his scrolls, texts, first edition unrevised Bibles and any religious works he has at his disposal. He finds nothing.

Night brings the moon and the soft glow of distant stars. The cold winter wind snaps him from his focus, and he turns to see a demon has, in fact, returned to his shop.

“Picked you up a little something for your tree.” Crowley announces as he sauntered in, finely wrapped box in hand.

“Crowley!” Aziraphale cooed with delight. “Listen, about the other day, I’m...”

“It’s nothing, angel. Water under the bridge.” Crowley dismissed. “Doing a little light reading?” He asked as he glanced around, noting that nearly every surface was covered with literature.

“Oh, just a bit of research.” Aziraphale said as he hid the book under a stack of papers.

“Anything important?” The demon asked as he made his way towards where the angel was standing.

“Important? Just something that peeks my curiosity.” Aziraphale glanced up, trying to erase the image of Crowley in his true angelic form from his mind.

“Just stopped in to give you this, then I’m off to a party. Big temptation to accomplish and then I’m leaving London for a bit. Meant to go to Italy.” Crowley stopped before him, gift in hand. “Go on, open it.”

Aziraphale accepted the package, and removed the wrapping; inside was a monstrous little figure with two great horns and bright red eyes. A look of confusion fell over his face.

“It’s Krampus! He’s a demon that comes for naughty children at Christmas Time. Anyway, he’s better than all your “holier than thou” angels and I thought this place could use a little more...”

“Crowley, I love it.” He held the glass ornament in his hands. “I know exactly where to put him.” He walked over to the tree and placed him on a branch at the top.

“Anyway, Happy Christmas angel.” Crowley shrugged as he turned to leave.

“Wait!” Aziraphale yelled a bit too loudly. “I have something for you too. He grabbed a gold trimmed package from his desk drawer.

“Tartan? Really?” Crowley moaned as he produced a printed scarf. “I mean, you don’t expect me to actually wear this, do you?”

“It’s stylish and besides, it will keep you warm. I know how you hate this weather.” Aziraphale teased.

“Goodnight angel.” Crowley waved as he sauntered towards the door. Aziraphale watched him leave, watched as his hair, much shorter, yet still long enough to flutter in the wind. Gone were his wings of white, his golden markings and his Heavenly name, yet in Aziraphale’s eyes, he was still the fairest of all Her creations.

[lovemesomesurveys]

have you ever cheated?: No.

who is the last person you made fun of?: I put myself down all the time. 

do you offend people by the way you talk?: I hope not? 

would you ever take anyone back after being dumped?: I did.

will you be 18 when you graduate?: Yeah, I was 18 when I graduated high school.

do you think people read your bulletins?: I think a couple of you do.

if you could pick any bitch to smack in the face, who would it be?: I’m not one to get violent, but damn some crazy people in the news these days... like those who don’t want to wear a mask and get all crazy about it.

have you talked shit about anybody tonight?: No. Unless you count my previous answer. I have some real choice words for this one woman who took her mask off and coughed in a baby’s face....

how many people have texted you today?: Zero as of now.

have you ever liked anyone 20 years older than you?: No, not that much older. Alexander Skarsgard is 13 years older than me, though.

do people text you even if they don’t need anything?: No.

are you on facebook right now?: Not at the moment...

is there somebody you will always have some feelings for, no matter what?: Yeah, a few people.

would you date a friends ex?: No.

do people call you a whore?: No.

does anyone stalk your myspace?: I highly doubt it. I don’t even know if my Myspace still exists.

how many people have your myspace password?: No one does to my knowledge. I don’t know it either anymore.

do you ever cuss?: Sometimes.

do you change your phone background a lot?: No.

do you play with dead bugs?: Um, no??? I don’t play with bugs, dead or alive, period. 

is there anyone who doesn’t like you?: Probably. I don’t like myself either, so hey.

who’s your best guy-friend?: I don’t have one.

do you love nevershoutnever!?: I liked their song “Trouble.”

do you know anyone who’s currently in jail?: Yes.

what time did you wake up this morning?: I haven’t gone to bed, yet. I’ll be getting up late afternoon.

why?: Cause I’ve been sleeping until like 3PM, sometimes later, for awhile now.

have you ever broken into a building?: Nooo.

what’s the weather like where you live?: High 90s and sometimes up in the triple digits.

when you woke up this morning, what was your first thought?: I usually think about what time it is when I first get up.

what is the least preferred hair color of the preferred gender?: I don’t really care about that.

what is the music scene like in your city?: Not much of one.

do you like your cursive handwriting?: No. I don’t like my print, either. My handwriting sucks. 

do you shave your toes?: No. 

when was the last time you borrowed a pen or pencil from someone?: *shrug*

does anyone like the person you like?: I currently don’t like anyone in that way.

the past 72 hours have you been under the influence?: No.

do you like the same person you did a month ago?: I didn’t like anyone in that way a month ago either.

reason behind the last time you laughed really hard?: Something my brother told me.

i say boys, you say?: “Boys! Sometimes a girl just needs one. Boys! To love her and to hold. Boys! And when a girl is with one... boys! Then she's in control.” 🎶

have you kissed the last person you texted?: No.

girls are bitches, am i right?: Uh, no, not all of them. Some people can be really bitchy, regardless of gender.

do you hate when people text you while your sleeping?: That doesn’t happen often and if it does, I don’t even hear it.

are you a fan of seth rogen? do you even know who he is?: I wouldn’t say I’m a fan, but I don’t hate him.

have you ever had straight-across bangs?: Yeah, from the time I was a little girl through high school.

would you eat a human eyeball for 700 euros?: I wouldn’t for any amount of money. Nopeeee.

do you like boys, girls, or both?: Men.

are blondes sexy?: They can be.

ever used ex-lax?: No.

do you even know what that is?: Yeah.

is your lip gloss poppin’?: I don’t have any.

would you take it up the ass for 5000 dollars?: No.

would you go to your 20 year high school reunion?: Nope. I didn’t go to my 10 year either. I didn’t have many friends, so there wasn’t anyone I cared to see. Plus, I was still friends with a few of the friends I had and saw them on a regular basis, so. I don’t now, though... but I still wouldn’t go to my 20 year reunion. I don’t see them going either. I don’t think I’d have to wait to go to that to see them again anyway. Well, honestly I don’t know. They probably want nothing to do with me.

ever had the power in your house shut off?: Yeah. Usually it happens at least once every summer, but we haven’t so far. 

[bondsmagii]

Whats life like UK?

that’s a very broad question, and I have no idea how to do it justice lmao. I mean, for the most part it’s alright? for me, anyway, and that’s something to keep in mind because I am one person in a whole country. it’s alright. there’s a lot about the country that I’m not happy about, and there is so much to criticise, but like. there’s things I enjoy, too.

there’s a lot going on the UK. it’s a very diverse place, and there’s lots of influence from other cultures and worldviews. the downside to this, of course, is that there’s a not insignificant problem with racism and far-right political groups, but unfortunately that’s hardly unique anymore. most people I’ve met have been very tolerant, and so long as you avoid any middle-aged white people in the Home Counties or rural Lincolnshire, or anyone with a beer belly wearing a Union Jack, you should be alright. politically we’re a mess right now, but we also have some good stuff, like free health care which is something I never take for granted.

the weather sucks. like, that’s a given. it rains a lot, and when it’s not raining it’s threatening to rain. we have a heatwave every year (most people just call it “summer”) and our houses suck in them because they’re built to keep in heat, so basically you just suffer and die for the entire time and everyone is complaining about the weather even more than usual. we do occasionally get some pretty cool wild weather though: we actually get hurricane force storms here, and every so often an impressive snowstorm will show up.

socially we’re a fun bunch. I do like the fact that people in this country are always down for some fun (banter, if you will). we like to get together, we like to drink perhaps a little more than we should, and we’re very good at poking fun at ourselves. the sense of humour in the UK is an acquired taste, and I think that if you’re not used to it it can be kind of a lot, but we really do love snatching ourselves and we really love snatching our politicians. we have a very dark sense of humour, and perhaps a little risqué at times, but I’ve always appreciated it. it’s very useful for when things are tough. 

everywhere has a lot of history. as a historian, that’s obviously something I like. we’re an old country, and the evidence is everywhere. buildings that are centuries old are common in pretty much every major city, town, and even village. castles and manors are everywhere. ruins and ancient sites are everywhere. pretty much every major town or city has its own museum because it’s historically significant. you can dig in your garden and find 1,000-year-old coins. it’s pretty cool. 

we’re a very haunted country, too. ghost stories are everywhere, and pretty much any place you can point to on a map has at least a couple of ghost stories about it. the UK is said to be one of the most haunted countries in the world, and Scotland is said to be the most haunted country in the world, so if you like your paranormal encounters it’s definitely worth coming for a visit. it’s probably got something to do with all that history.

if I could criticise the place with something specific, it would be that we’re not very good at moving out of the past. this isn’t as bad with the younger generations (especially as immigration has helped in terms of the younger generations having more worldviews to interact with) but it’s certainly bad with the older generations, and of course it’s very much seen in policies and government. people in the UK like to find a way that works and stick to it, and we can be very slow to change. even with overwhelming evidence, our politicians and society leaders are reluctant to admit there’s an issue and take action to fix it; there’s still a very “stiff upper lip” attitude that seems to think that enduring a problem is better than preventing it, or acknowledging it and fixing it. I hope this is something that will die out with the older generations. 

there’s also like, a serious class divide. it’s not like it used to be back in the old days, but it’s sure as fuck still not great. there is an upper class here that’s just... kind of backwards, if I’m honest, and there’s a huge divide between the country’s rich and the country’s poor. I mean, we have people living in literal squalor and poverty, especially in the north. you can pretty much draw a line: the south (London and the surrounding counties) are rich, and the further north you get, the poorer it is. the government also doesn’t really seem to give a shit, surprise surprise. in London it’s especially clear. you can have dilapidated council houses (social housing) backing on to literal mansions; you can have huge gated houses with Lamborghinis in the driveway and there’s a homeless person sleeping on cardboard outside. it’s ridiculous, and I don’t know how it isn’t being addressed with more seriousness. 

but really, I don’t think there’s any problem unique to the UK. we have our own variables contributing to why they’re there, but overall most countries deal with this bullshit. there are certainly worse places to live, but the things I love about the country just makes me even more saddened to see the things that I hate about it. I like living here, overall, but I’m frustrated because we could be so much better as a society. but I’m sure I’m not alone in that, and I’m sure that pretty much anyone could say that about their own countries.

[rhinozilla]

Whumptober Day 15: Scars

Summary: Some scars aren't physical, but that doesn't mean the damage didn't leave anything behind. Connor and Hank are all too aware of that as the ice storm rages outside.

--

Fall seemed to wink at Detroit as it passed by, and then it was abruptly, violently, winter. Neither Connor nor Hank held any warm feelings toward the cold that swallowed up the city, but Hank’s dislike of it and the reason why were both well known. Connor knew that his own aversion to cold weather was no secret either, but his quiet complaints blended in well enough with the rest of the bullpen’s louder whining that it didn’t raise any eyebrows as to why an android would hate cold.

Because he did. He HATED it.

Unfortunately, where the bullpen provided a level of organized chaos to hide his bad mood, the quiet of Hank’s house only drew attention to it. It certainly didn’t help that the first storm of the season had knocked out the power on the entire block, dropping the house into a dark stillness as the evening rolled into a windy night.

Ice. Ice and snow.

No television or radio to use as distraction. Not even the hum of the heater or other appliances to focus on as the cold pressed in now that the power was out.

The house creaked slightly as the wind pushed at its outside walls.

Ice and snow and wind.

Sitting on the couch, where he hadn’t moved in two hours and four minutes since the power went out, Connor continued to stare at a fixed point on the wall. Hank had been grumbling as he moved around the house, stockpiling blankets, candles, and flashlights on the coffee table. He’d also been accumulating layers of clothing every time he moved into Connor’s line of sight, but Connor didn’t fully register it. Didn’t fully see him.

With each lash of the wind against the siding and the rising shelf of snow and ice on the window sills, all Connor could see was the Garden. Its frozen pond and snow painted flowers. The walls of grey created by the biting wind. Her silhouette standing just out of his reach. Feeling her influence reach into him anyway, through him, until he had had the gun in his hands, and she had aimed his hand toward Markus that night.

Somehow, even through the blizzard, through the cold and the memories, he swore he could smell roses.

A hand touched his shoulder, and Connor startled with a full body jerk.

“Whoa!” Hank yanked his hand back, stepping around the couch. “Sorry, did you fall asleep with your eyes open or something? Been sitting there like a fucking mannequin.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice came out weak, which was odd, and he frowned, forcing it to sound stronger. “Do you need help?”

Hank stood in front of him, eying him suspiciously. He glanced at the stockpile of supplies on the coffee table and back to Connor.

“No…Coulda used that help earlier, but whatever…” he said gruffly.

Connor wasn’t sure what his response was expected to be, and his social integration program did not supply with him any options. So he just stared at Hank, slightly lost.

Hank made a low, impatient noise and shook his head, tugging out his phone and checking a weather app on it.

“Guess we’re in for a whole night of this shit…Fuck,” he mumbled, pocketing his phone and looking at Connor again. “It’s only gonna get colder in here. You got a heater in there somewhere—“ he gestured toward Connor’s chest, “—or do you need some layers?”

“My model is not as susceptible to temperature fluctuations as humans,” he replied.

“Not my question,” Hank stated. “You hate being cold almost as much as me. Here, put this on.”

Hank grabbed up a burgundy colored hoodie from the top of the pile, tossing it into Connor’s lap.

“I’m not as susceptible—“

“Just put it on. Fuck. You’re making me cold just looking at you without it.”

Connor paused and slowly obliged, pulling on the sweater. It was a few sizes too large, and the extra fabric bunched around his stomach and the elbows of the sleeves. He made little attempt to adjust it, just sinking back into the couch again. Sumo had curled up on his bed against the wall, only idly watching Hank mill around.

“Why DO you hate cold so much?” Hank asked, rubbing his hands together and pacing slowly about the living room.

“I’d rather not discuss it.”

“Tch, yeah me neither.”

Connor’s eyes dropped to the floor. He tried to will back the phantom feeling of the Garden’s icy wind pushing through the seams of his clothing, the pain of the ice striking his open eyes as he tried to find Kamski’s emergency exit, the slick of compressed snow under his feet as he struggled to walk through it. It wasn’t real, he told himself. It hadn’t been real then…and it wasn’t real now…

A particularly sharp gust of wind rattled the windows in their panes, and a shrill whistle screamed through a gap somewhere. Connor visibly flinched, unable to clamp down on the reaction fast enough.

“What is wrong with you?” Hank asked, his voice irritated but his concern still evident.

“I’m fully functional.” Connor said, realizing too late that intonation in his voice had shut itself off, causing him to sound mechanical in his reply.

“Bullshit.” Hank faced him fully. “You’re not acting like yourself.”

He crossed over and reached out a hand, giving Connor’s shoulder a light shake.

“Just loosen—“

“Don’t touch me,” Connor said in a rush, pulling his shoulder away from the hand and shrinking back into the couch.

Hank’s eyes went wide, and Connor staunchly threw his gaze into the kitchen.

“Please,” he tried to inject inflection into his voice manually. “I’m fine.”

Hank carefully stepped between Connor and the coffee table, lowering himself to sit on the table, directly in front of Connor. His irritated expression had smoothed.

“Bullshit,” he accused again, this time soft and concerned.

The living room was lit by a few candles, one battery powered lantern, and the panicked yellow glow of Connor’s LED. He frowned and tried to force it back to blue. It resisted, and he didn’t have the energy to fight it.

“Connor,” Hank said, and there was a gentle demand in his tone that made Connor meet his eyes again. “Talk to me, son.”

Connor stared at him, then dropped his eyes to the edge of the coffee table, shaking his head slowly. He didn’t see how speaking the memory aloud would do any good. It wouldn’t undo it. It wouldn’t help him to push it away. And anyway, he couldn’t make Hank understand why he was reacting this way. To be locked inside your own mind, to feel someone else move your body like a marionette…At least before deviancy, he had had the illusion of deciding to take the actions that he did. But after the freighter, the lack of autonomy had been undeniable and…invasive.

The blizzard then hadn’t numbed him enough to not feel it, and with each degree that dropped in the house now, he could feel it again as though it had been yesterday.

“Okay,” Hank was saying, not moving from his spot. “You don’t have to explain, but…at least tell me how I can help you right now. What do you need?”

“To…not be cold.”

He cringed inwardly at the childish simplicity of the request, but it…was all that he needed. It was the only thing that he decided would help.

“Hey, I bet we can do something about that,” Hank said, standing off the coffee table. “I’ve got an electric blanket with your name on it.”

Connor absently watched him dig out said blue blanket, and he dragged his eyes up to watch Hank’s face. All of his grouchy, short tempered expression had softened as he focused on aiding Connor, and Connor felt a lance of guilt cut across his processors.

“You hate the cold too,” he muttered, not immediately accepting the offered blanket.

“Me and this weather have been bitching at each other for years. It’s old news,” Hank said, fluffing out the blanket when Connor didn’t take it. “You’re new to it, not used to the way it can just…take you down sometimes.”

Connor had enough left to glare.

“I am fully functional—“

“That doesn’t mean you’re all right. Here…would you just—“ Hank huffed when Connor didn’t lift a hand to take the blanket, and he instead opted to wrap the thing around Connor’s front anyway.

The wiring inside the blanket was generating heat throughout the material, and Connor unintentionally curled forward, trying to get closer to its warmth. Hank made a low, smug noise at the reaction, and then he was picking up the pillow against the armrest of the couch, squishing at it to plump up the volume of it.

“Try lying down. You look ready to fall over anyway.” He dropped the newly fluffed pillow back beside Connor.

Connor couldn’t think of a reason not to do so, and he slowly leaned sideways, aiming to let his head fall right onto the pillow. He involuntarily clutched at the heating blanket as it started to slide down, and he took a few uncoordinated seconds to pull his legs up and get situated on his side on the couch. Once he did, a heavy sigh slipped out of him, and he pulled the blanket more tightly around him until he was practically burrowed in it.

The heat from the fabric pushed through the thick hoodie, and though his internal temperature reading was perfectly stable, he couldn’t help but feel warmer for the extra measures being taken. The old, nubby blanket felt like a shield against the phantoms, and he didn’t feel like questioning it right then. He was simply grateful for it.

“Sumo. Up,” Hank grunted.

Sumo made a low moaning sound as he obediently got to his feet and lumbered across the living room. Hank patted the couch by Connor’s legs, and Connor watched the big dog hop up onto the couch. His big, fluffy body wedged itself in the triangle created by the back of the couch and Connor’s bent knees. He set his large head over Connor’s hip, and the living warmth chased even more of the chill away.

“Try to sleep,” Hank suggested. “Maybe we’ll have power back by the time you wake up.”

Connor watched him pick up another blanket, wrapping it around himself before going to get situated in the recliner to wait out the storm.

“…I’m sorry for being this way, Hank…I know it’s…inconvenient…I’m trying—“

Hank held up a hand to stop him. “Don’t try to apologize for good ol’ seasonal depression, Connor. If we start that, I promise I’ll win.” He slid Connor a complex look. “Besides…the world doesn’t apologize for the way it fucks us up. We don’t owe it an apology for ending up fucked.”

Connor tugged the edge of the blanket up until it bunched around his chin.

“That’s very poetic, Hank,” he said dryly.

In the recliner, Hank snorted. “Smart ass.” He heaved a sigh and got comfortable. “Just try to rest and…think about something else for a while. Whatever it is, you survived it. Everything else will sort itself out eventually.”

“Okay…And I’m…I’m sorry you hate the cold.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry you do too, kid.”

Sumo yawned and burrowed closer to Connor’s back, and Connor exhaled warm air into the blanket in front of his face. It created a small fog as it rose into the chilly air of the house, but thanks to the blanket, the hoodie, and Sumo’s combined heat and insulation, he didn’t feel the chill. The cold didn’t press in any further, and he breathed a small sigh of relief.

When he breathed in again, the smell of roses had faded.

[miss-pearlescent]

A Work in Progress

This was a draft that I never got around to finishing until I was moved by all the support you guys were giving me...AND IT’S STILL NOT ACTUALLY COMPETE but I figured I would “talk” you all through the ending LOL Read on and you’ll understand.

Oh, and happy holidays!

“I would move a mountain for you.”

The tears started flowing and she couldn’t stop them. An ache settled deep within her chest as the book she was reading began to get blurry before her watery eyes. She lived for the pain and angst of romance novels, but she could never live through the misery of unrequited love herself.

“Sona?”

Speaking of...

She felt heavy fingers brush through her fine hair as the naked body behind her began to stir.

She wiped at the tears with the heavy sheets. “Hmm?” she asked, though her voice squeaked at the end.

“Sona, are you crying?”

“No,” she lied, even as she craned her neck back to see the sleepy demon prince rise from his sleep.

He rested his chin on her shoulder as he watched her with concern in his eyes. “What happened?”

Sona shook her head. “Nothing. Go back to sleep.”

“It’s not nothing if you’re crying.” He grabbed her by the waist and turned her around so she was resting on his chest. “Now tell me what Kai, the mighty Prince of Hell, can do for you.”

She rolled her eyes in amusement but closed her book to settle closer to him. “I was just reading a book.”

“Ah,” Kai murmured as if that told him everything. “What happened this time? The dragon ate the knight in shining armour and now the princess has to marry the big, scary beast?”

She cut him a look. “No, worse.”

“Worse?” he asked in an exaggerated voice. “What’s worse than being forced to marry a dragon?”

Burying her face into his chest, Sona took a deep breath. “Not knowing if the one you love loves you back,” she whispered. “The hero is about to die and he thinks the heroine is in love with somebody else. All he wants is for her to feel loved and do you know what he said just now, right as he was about to take his last dying breath?” She punctuated her words with tiny jabs at his chest.

Kai was tracing little circles along the back of her neck, comforting her. “What did he say?” he asked softly.

“He said he would move a mountain for her.” Sona sniffled and squeezed her eyes shut to hold back the tears. “A whole mountain!”

He let her wallow in her own sorrow for a moment. She clung to his chest, relishing in the comfort he provided but also wishing she could finish her novel at the same time. There was quite a bit left and she knew there were twists and turns around the corner. She just had to get through those to reach the happy ending.

Sona felt the little scoff that came from Kai. She rose her head and narrowed her eyes, daring him to laugh at her emotions.

He didn’t look at her, just continued to watch the spot on her shoulder where he drew shapes and lines. “He said he would move a mountain? Just one?” The corner of his lips kicked up as he gave her a sly look. “I’d part the seas and move a whole mountain range to create its own island if my woman wanted it.”

She snorted and laid her head back down. “This isn’t a competition.” She began tracing her own little drawings on his palm. “Besides, he’s a human, Mr. Mighty Prince of Hell. You’re not allowed to compare your powers to us.”

“You’re a pretty strong human yourself, Little Miss Wicked Witch of the West,” he teased. “I’m sure you could move a mountain or two yourself if you wanted.”

“I just got lucky at birth,” she said, referring to her ability to cast spells that influenced the weather. Then she thought about how her abilities got her to this place, running from her King straight into the arms and bed of the “enemy.” “Or maybe I got unlucky,” she mumbled with a shrug.

Kai gave a deep sigh but he kept his mouth shut. Sona knew how much he hated it when she disliked her own powers, but she had only started learning to contain the self-hate.

Growing up, Sona was raised in a kingdom of humans, where everybody was the same and nobody knew about the supernatural. Then her mom gave birth to a daughter who, at the age of 6, could ask a cloud to rain upon her mother’s crops in the middle of a drought that had originally caused a mass famine.

At first, the villagers had been frightened of Sona...until hunger took over and they knocked on her mother’s door to ask for rain on their own lands.

Though her mother had started with lies, saying there was no such thing as magic, Sona saw the desperation in her neighbours’ eyes and gave the farmers some rain during the night when nobody could see.

Her village flourished and things were great as Sona grew older. There was only one summer where officials were suspicious. It was hard enough to grow produce on the side of the mountain, but Sona’s mother was bringing carts and carts of crops to the market everyday.

After they had a suspicious official search their home, Sona knew she couldn’t overdo it with the weather anymore. She kept low until a second drought hit her kingdom years later.

The new King had heard of the remarkable growth of Sona’s village and sent soldiers to interrogate the people.

She didn’t like to think about that day because it was the last time she saw her mother before being dragged away to the King’s court.

There, her powers were honed and abused. She was locked up for days until she could cause floods that filled all the rice paddies, till she could bring the sun out in the middle of the night.

And she was forced into an engagement with the King.

It wasn’t until one of her guards saw her plans for an escape that he helped her leave the walls of the kingdom. She walked for days and days until she came upon a town inhabited by what she thought were monsters.

She remembered blacking out before waking up to see Kai’s face.

“What are your plans for today?” he asked, changing the subject and pulling her out of her reverie.

She smiled to herself, thinking of the past month where he patched her up and introduced her to a spellcaster in his outcast town who helped build her skills. Kai was the leader of this town on the other side of the mountain and she grew to love him day by day.

Which was why she wasn’t surprised when he told her he was a demon prince, banished from hell to live out his life on Earth.

Sona played with the chain around his neck. “I think I’ll go visit Mr. Oh this afternoon and bring his family some cake. It’s his grandson’s birthday.” Mr. Oh was the spellcaster who was surprised by Sona’s powers and excited to work with her. He was like a father figure to her. “What’s this?” she asked, pointing at the clover on Kai’s chain.

“It’s the protection charm you gave me,” he explained. She had given Kai a coin with a protection spell on it the day Mr. Oh had taught it to her. “I didn’t know where to keep the coin so I got it melted down into a clover and attached it to my neck. Now I won’t be able to lose it.”

She felt a smile cracking through her lips. “I like it.” She leaned up to give him a quick kiss on the lips.

He rolled her over to deepen it. “You’ll like this too.”

Sona moaned as a hand skated up her side, brushing her nipple in a tease.

And this was where her conscious fought with her.

The relationship she shared with Kai was so perfect, yet neither of them knew where they stood. When she had first climbed into his bed, it was like a magnet had brought them together. After that, they were unable to spend a night apart. And during the day, she longed to be close to him. She wanted to share all her thoughts and ideas with him.

But she knew his greatest wish was to go back home. Things were difficult on Earth, especially in a town where it rained often. And many days were a gloomy grey. In the middle of a week of rain, Sona broke her own rules just to part the clouds and let the sun peak through a bit.

She didn’t realize her heart would be the one to warm up when she saw Kai watching her with awe and pride.

So, selfishly, she tried everything she could to make him happy. She wanted him to stay despite knowing it was futile. He deserved to go back home, where he could be treated like the prince he was.

And where humans weren’t allowed unless they were dead.

---

OK I’ve let this “first chapter” sit here for a long while and I’ve tried to come back to it but I can’t so here is the rest of the plot:

The next day, they wake up to their village being seized by Sona’s kingdom’s army. Kai fights them and wins, but a soldier named Baekhyun finds Sona. Baekhyun is the one who freed Sona in the first place so even though Kai is like “WTFFFF IMMA KILL YOU,” Sona is like “lemme talk to Baekhyun.” Baek is like “yo, I admit defeat but like...you gotta come back with me to your kingdom.”

Kai is pissed.

Sona (the reasonable person she is) asks “why?”

Baekhyun: If you don’t, the king is gonna burn down the whole kingdom.

The kingdom is on the other side of the mountain. The inland side, so it doesn’t get much rain.

In comparison, Kai’s village is on the side of the mountain that faces the ocean and therefore gets hella rain.

The proper term for all of this is “rain shadow.” For reference, think of North America’s Rocky Mountains LOOOL

ANYWAY, Sona’s kingdom is dying once again because it’s a desert and only she was able to grow FUCKEN RICE IN A DESERT. So the king is calling her back or else he’s gonna set fire to a kingdom of starving people.

And why is Baekhyun so worried? BECAUSE HE’S GOT A GIRL BACK THERE ;______; He was ready to wife her!!!!!

Sona is like “nooooo :( moral duties!”

Kai’s like “FJKDALGHDKALFJDKSLJFDKALHGDKLSJ YOU CAN’T GO.....OK I KNOW YOU WANNA GO REALLY BAD BUT...JFKDALGHKS ok but like I’m coming.”

Sona’s like “no the humans hate demons. they’re gonna kill you :(((((((((( This is my fight.”

Kai’s like “LISTEN. TO. ME. LINDA.”

Ofc he has to be heroic and shit so Sona’s like “FINE. But you are only gonna be chaperoning me. I am NOT risking ur ass by taking you into a kingdom that hates anything ~magical~”

Kai agrees but more like “k watever”

ANYWAY, THEY GO.

Here is where I had a dilemma LOL I wanted them to go on a motorcycle because KIM JONGIN IS SO HOT ON A MOTORCYCLE LMFAO but why would a demon from a poor wittle village have a motorcycle....

So in my head, they rode on some motorcycle thingy that had a big black cloud veil and whatnot while Baekhyun rode his horse with the other nearly-dead soldiers behind them lol

They arrive at the kingdom and Kai is pissed af because he’s worried :( Yeah I hate when men do this because it’s a really bad way to channel your emotions but men are dumb and never change ALAS!

They get in a big fight and Sona has to leave to go into the kingdom while they’re still angry/ignoring each other.

Kai is all haughty and fuming, waiting in a tree and shit while he watches Sona be escorted past the gates of the kingdom....and the moment she is gone, HE STARTS REGRETTING EVERYTHING LMFAO

jokes on you!

Sona agrees to whatever the king says (idk what he says, lol my imagination didn’t care about this king) BUT THE KING GOES BACK ON HIS WORD BECAUSE HE’S SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT HIS KINGDOM IS PERISHING DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES OUT OF HIS CONTROL YET EVERYBODY THINKS IT’S HIS OWN FAULT so he sets fire to everything including himself. I feel like his brain’s going “If I can’t rule this kingdom, THEN NOBODY SHALL!”

He dies, but his orders were to have soldiers scattered around the kingdom so that once the king’s castle was lit on fire, these soldiers would know to start fires in their own places too.

Thankfully, they’re not ALL dumb as shit. Some decide that this is actually a bad idea, so they help evacuate whoever they can.

Ofc, our heroine helps too :’) She brings whoever she can out past the gates and then tries to bring some rain from the ocean.

While she’s working, she realizes that Kai is not at their meeting spot. She doesn’t see him at all, actually.

She’s scared but SHE HAS WORK TO DO!

So she’s all busy concentrating on bringing the rain past the mountains (she cannot gather enough water from the land around her to create a mass of precipitation because it’s a desert.......yes, i think about these things too)

BUT SHE’S STRUGGLING CUZ BITCH, THESE ARE SOME BIG MOUNTAIN RANGES AND IT WASN’T MEANT TO RAIN FOR ANOTHER MONTH.

Then she sees Kai running towards her carrying a whole cart of people (indeed, our man found a CART!)

She’s about to call him but then he runs back in and she’s like “OMFG I’M GONNA LOSE HIM” but that thought only stays for a split second cuz she still has to get the rain over here lol

The fire’s basically burned down the kingdom at this point. Kai has brought out many people (he’s fine in the fire because he’s a demon AND he has a cute protection charm hehehe) but then he sees Sona struggling and he looks up and sees the dark clouds forming on the other side of the mountain.

Guess what he does?

biiiiitch

Sona is like “O_O” when she suddenly looks over and KAI IS PUSHING THE MOUNTAIN RANGE OVER.

biiiitch he did that!

Rain pooooooooours down the mountain and starts dousing the fire. Problem is, everything is suddenly dark and the ground is slippery lol DIDN’T THINK OF THAT, HUH?

So they’re still scrambling to get survivors out. Towards the end, Sona is helping a family out when suddenly she slips because she’s human and there’s mud everywhere. Her ankle twists and she just sits there for a second as she sees Baekhyun call off the search. It’s been hours and everyone’s exhausted.

Kai turns back and starts walking towards Sona, and she’s shook because 1) HE’S HOT AF and 2) his eyes are blue and his hair is white...sound familiar??

THIS IS THE PERFORMANCE (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-VX60sGRjo) THAT STARTED THIS WHOLE STORY IN MY HEAD LOOOOL SUCH A GOOD FANCAM! SUCH A GOOD LOOK! DO YOU SEE THAT CLOVER ON HIS NECK? YUM!

Anyway, he takes off his hat and holds out his hand with a smirk on his face and goes “Did I move enough mountains for you?”

JFKLADHGDKALFJDKSLGHDKALJFDKSL imma punch him

He pulls Sona up off the ground and sees that shes limping and suddenly drops his smirk. She’s like “no, it’s nothing” but ofc Kai has to be heroic and shit so he picks her up and VROOM VROOM they go off in their motorcycle back to the village LOOOOOOOOOOOOL

The whole way back though, they’re silent but for different reasons. Sona is hella sad because she’s sooooo in love with Kai but knows that she’s just drawing out something that’s gonna end badly. She wants to protect her heart, ya know!

Whereas Kai....has different reasons :)

So we get back to Kai’s place and Sona is washing up while Kai just sits on his little settee. When Sona’s done, she tells him to go wash up but he just grunts.

We love grunting. Why? CUZ HE’S BROODING?

WHY IS HE BROODING? DIDN’T THEY JUST SAVE A WHOLE KINGDOM?

Sona is thinking the same thing LOL but Kai directs her to lay down on the settee (isn’t it dirty, Kai??) and props her foot up on a couple pillows.

“Why do you still look like this?” she asks in a whisper, gently fingering through the strands of white on his head.

(a/n: sorry I had to /write/ that part out because it sets the mood a lot but DAMN i wanna barf at my own writing LOL just imagine everything is warm and candlelit, and Kai is attentively catering to Sona while she lounges on the settee)

Kai doesn’t meet her eyes. Just shrugs.

Okkkkkkk so obviously it’s a sensitive topic???

She continues to comb through his hair cuz it’s cute. And because he’s a wittle puppy (see: demon prince from hell), HE BREAKS WHEN SHE SCRATCHES THAT ONE SPOT ON HIS HEAD.

He grabs her wrist and takes deep gulping breaths.

Meanwhile, she holds her breath.

“I was banished from hell for not taking a mate.”

Her brows furrow and she starts to sit up but Kai pins her down with his hands. His blue eyes reflect the fire in the hearth.

“It was during mating season, and everyone was in a frenzy. My father found a girl for me. I remember she was so scared when she was brought into court.”

Kai takes a breath. Sona uses her other hand to stroke his hair, offering whatever comfort she could.

“I couldn’t do it.” He choked on his last syllable. “I couldn’t do such a horrible thing to a little girl who had screamed and cried until her voice was gone. They brought her to me when she barely had any fight left in her.”

Kai put his forehead against Sona’s shoulder. “Mating season meant you lost yourself. You had the hair and eyes of your inner demon, along with its mindset. But I refused to do anything to the poor girl, so I hid her away and sent her to the outskirts of the land.”

Sona let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. “You did what was right,” she whispered.

He shook his head. “She couldn’t go back to her parents who would sell her again. She didn’t have anywhere to go. I was banished before I could find her again.” His body was shaking with grief. “She could be dead because of me.”

Sona cried for him. Cried for the man that tried to do the right thing and still had everything turn out wrong. Cried for the young girl that had no choice in what was done to her. Cried for the fact that Sona herself could not turn back time and undo all of it.

They stayed like that on the settee—Kai crouching on the rug in front of her—for what seemed like hours.

When he rose, his eyes were bloodshot and glassy.

Sona pushed him toward the tub, insisting he’d feel better after having a wash.

He came out looking ragged still, but cleaner. He took a seat on the ground in front of her again, staring into the fire.

“So it’s mating season for you again?”

He nodded. “It comes every five to seven years. That’s another reason why my father banished me. He needed an heir and I was unwilling to produce one, so he turned to my next brother.”

“You don’t seem...” Sona searched for the word, “animalistic to me.”

Kai shrugged. “I don’t like to let the demon rule me. It’s hard to control my body once instinct takes over.”

“I see.” She stared at the ceiling and fought a blush creeping across her cheeks, trying not to think of all the inappropriate things Kai would do to her if “instinct” had taken over.

Except, he wasn’t letting it, was he? He didn’t want to have sex right now. He didn’t want a mate right now.

Sona tamped down her disappointment and put on a smile, turning her head to look at him. “Well, if—” She bit off her sentence with a squeak when she saw Kai’s blazing blue eyes staring back at her.

His nostrils flared. “Why do I smell your arousal, Sona?”

She opens her mouth but closes it again when he rises above her.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks in a growl.

That just made the ache between her legs even worse. “I-I was just wondering about the demon side of you.”

His eyes glinted and she swore she saw fangs as he cracked a devilish grin. “What would you like to know?”

“Oh, just general stuff.” She waved her hands in the air. “Like what you eat in Hell, how you communicate with other demons, how you—”

He cut her off by pressing the calf of her broken ankle against the back of the settee. “How we mate?” He hiked up her nightgown and grinned at the sight before him. “Keep your bad leg still and I’ll show you.”

Sona almost came just from the hunger in his eyes, but she snapped out of her haze and clamped her hands down between her legs. “No.”

Kai blinked and looked up. “No?”

“No,” she bit out. Her body was so ready, but she couldn’t keep hurting the both of them like this. “I can’t mate with you.”

The fire in Kai’s eyes died as he backed away, still holding onto her leg so it wouldn’t drop forcefully onto the pillows.

Talking felt like pushing lead from her throat. “We can’t do this anymore, Kai. We are torturing ourselves.” She took a deep breath. “You have to know that I love you so much and you are the best person I’ve ever met, but I can’t be the right mate for you.”

A line set between his brows. “Why not?” he bit out.

“Because I can’t be what you need. You need a queen to go with you into Hell and run a whole Hell-dom there. Someone who can bring you back home where you belong, where your powers can flourish.” She couldn’t stop the whimper that followed. “Not a human who holds you back on Earth.”

His thumb stroked her calf, a kindness she didn’t deserve. Her heart was breaking into two and he was still her providing comfort.

Next thing she knew, he was kissing her. Gently on the cheek at first and then slowly grazing her lips.

“Kai,” she whispered between pecks. “Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“Mhmm,” he nodded. “So do you want to be my mate?”

“Kai!” She pushed against his shoulders.

He caught her hand and kissed it. “I heard what you said and I still want you. I want you whether you can come to Hell or not. It doesn’t matter, because I feel at home when I’m with you.”

Sona shook her head through the tears. “That doesn’t make sense.”

He kissed her, hard. “If I left this village, would it still feel like a home to you?”

“Of course not.”

“Would you go back to your kingdom?”

She vehemently shook her head.

“Then where would you go?”

Sona licked her lips. “I...I don’t know.”

“Me neither.” He kissed her again, crawling between her legs. “I would try to find you. I would want to be with you for the rest of my life, if you would have me.”

She wrapped her good leg around his waist. “Then please take me.”

He chuckled and nipped her on the shoulder. “Then promise not to move your bad leg.”

(THEY DO IT)

OK that’s enough /writing/ LOL so they do the dirty and suddenly they’re mated and Sona’s ankle is healed. Why? BECAUSE SHE GOT SOME POWERS FROM HER MAN. And Kai suddenly has a purple aura around him and he can move a couple clouds with just a thought. How? BECAUSE HE GOT POWERS FROM HIS WOMAN.

And they can both transcend into hell cuz she’s no longer human-human, CUZ WHY? CUZ SHE’S GOT A DEMON BABY BAKING INSIDE OF HER MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

the end.

ok now it’s time for a quick shameless plug :3 Red Velvet came back so of course I had to cover it! Please check it out and give us a like if you can :’’‘‘)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFmPgY_6wWQ

[padfootagain]

Magnets (III)

Part 3 : The Blacks' Vengeance

Thank you to all of you who voted and participated to this event. You voted in majority for this to be the last chapter, so this is the end! I hope you enjoyed the event, and you like this chapter.

Gif not mine.

Word Count : 1639

You knew by the look he was giving you that he was sorry. He felt like it was his fault if you were wasting your time there with him, on detention, when you could have enjoyed the beautiful weather outside. But instead, you were stuck with him cleaning up the shelves of the old library, under the careful of professor McGonagall, who used the occasion of keeping an eye on you to read some books about Transfiguration. She was just a few feet away, close enough to make sure that you were focused on your task, but not quite close enough to hear you and Sirius whisper.

"Don't give me that look," you reassured him as you moved a few books away to clean the dust that had settled between them. "It's not your fault."

"It is though," Sirius replied with the same hushed voice.

"Don't feel sorry for me, I'm the one who got right into the fray."

"Because we both know you can never give up someone in trouble."

You exchanged a tender smile.

"Well, neither do you," you fought back, making him chuckle.

"You're having a bad influence on me."

A brief silence settled between the two of you, comfortable and warm, keeping you close to each other instead of pushing you away. Silences were always comfortable with him, you guessed that it was because you knew him so well. And he knew you like the back of his hand too. And sometimes, you didn't need to speak for meanings to reach the other.

"I'm still sorry you're stuck with me here," he finally breathed, his words barely audible, even for you who stood right next to him.

"What else would I have done anyway? Going to Hogsmeade without you? I don't think so."

Sirius couldn't refrain a smirk. You always went to Hogsmeade together. You had always had, since your third year at Hogwarts, since that day you were finally allowed to leave the school.

"I don't know… you could have had a date for once," he tried to joke, although in his chest, his heart was aching.

But instead of laughing, you looked away.

"What makes you think I'd want one?"

Sirius silently took a deep breath.

"I don't know. 'Was just saying."

"You could have a date too. You never have dates."

He bit down on his lip, but he had wanted to ask you for a while now. Did he think that he deserved you? No, absolutely not. But he loved you too much to be able to live his whole life pretending you were just a friend. And after the attack in that corridor, because of the reason behind this attack as well… he just needed to do something about you and him. He felt more alive than before, but more pressed by time too. As if he had to live like he was running out of time.

For just a split of second he stopped hesitating, just long enough for him to take the jump and speak the words he had longed to form on his tongue all these months.

"We could both go on a date."

"What do you mean? Like a double date? Are you serious?"

"No, like… together."

You frowned hard, until the realization finally shone in your mind.

"You mean… you want to… take me on a date?" you stuttered under your breath.

"Unless you wouldn't want to."

"Why now?"

Sirius merely shrugged.

"I'm just tired of waiting to be good enough. Perhaps… perhaps you can make me good enough for you instead."

You gave him a tender smile, but he was faster than you to speak again.

"I won't be mad if you say no. I just… I don't see just a friend in you, not anymore. Haven't seen that in you for a while… I really tried hard to stay away, because I think that you could have better, but you're… always on my mind. Always, no matter what I try, I can't get rid of the feeling. You feel… like a magnet I keep being attracted to. And I don't have the strength to free myself from you, and to be honest, I don't really want to anyway. So, I thought that perhaps you could give me a chance. Perhaps you could… feel the same."

You wrapped your fingers around his, bringing his grey eyes back to yours.

"I would love to go with you on a date," you grinned.

He opened his mouth to answer, a bright smile forming on his lips, but was interrupted by a sound he had been certain seconds before to never hear again, but that froze his blood in his veins, impending all thoughts or movements…

He was frozen right on the spot, his eyes growing round in horror, and you frowned hard at the sudden change in his attitude.

"Sirius? What's wrong?"

But he couldn't answer. He could see it all over again… The curses thrown at him when he stood there wandless, defenceless; the shouts; the heavy fists against his skin; the bruises; the pain… pain everywhere he looked…

The crazy ideas; the evil plans to keep him on a leash; the pureblood bullshit he kept on rejecting….

He recognized the loud sound of her heels hitting the ground. He didn't need to turn around to know that his mother had entered the room.

Slowly, almost reluctantly, he turned around, facing the sound that made him shudder in both disgust and fear. Yes, his parents were drenched in pain and darkness, a source of evil he kept on trying to run away from. But he wasn't a little wandless child anymore. And now… now he could fight back if necessary.

You followed his movements, your jaw and fists clenching as you recognized Orion and Walburga Black advancing through the Library. You wondered how they had convinced Dumbledore to get here…

McGonagall stood up and placed herself right before Sirius. Her eyes turned into steel as they landed on the couple.

"Mr and Mrs Black, I am more than surprised to see you here," McGonagall spoke coldly.

"Actually, we were looking for you, professor," Walburga spat, her tone full of disdain and her lips pursed in disgust.

"Me?" the teacher faked surprise.

"Of course, you," Orion spat as well. "We received your howler! And let me tell you that we do not appreciate you thinking that you can give us lectures!"

"Well, you seemed to be the reason for one of my students to get endangered, and this will not be tolerated," McGonagall replied in a frozen tone.

"I will not let a mere teacher lecture me on anything! We are not your students!"

"No, indeed. I am grateful for it, actually. I could have never grown fond of you."

"Do you realize who we are? What could happen to you if we wanted?!" Walburga hissed, and Sirius felt lucky that the whole school was gone to Hogsmeade so no one could hear her words.

Both you and Sirius took a step forward to defend your teacher, but McGonagall clearly didn't need your help to handle the Blacks.

She stood even straighter, and her glare could have killed.

"Is that a threat, Mrs Black? Because you have to realize that I am not as young and vulnerable as your son…"

"This piece of trash is not our son! He is disowned and banished!" the witch shouted, interrupting McGonagall.

The next second, she had a wand pressed against her throat.

"You should be so ashamed of treating your child this way," the teacher breathed in rage, her voice shaking as she tried to refrain her urge to curse Walburga into oblivion. "And if you hate him so much, why send him a letter?"

"He is such a shame to us… but he has responsibilities he must face," Orion answered.

"I'm not going to do anything you want from me," Sirius shook his head. "You banished me when I ran away, and that's just perfect for me. You act like I don't exist and I stay as far of you as I can."

"You little shit…"

"Now, you have two minutes to leave the Castle. Or I will make you," McGonagall interrupted Sirius's parents. "And you are not to contact your son again. You will see that he is safe and that none of the other students are sent to attack him."

"Or what?"

"Or I will take care of you. Personally. I am certain that you would make a lovely pair of scarecrows for the grounds. Hagrid still has problems with these birds eating him pumpkins…"

"You wouldn't dare…"

"Should I really remind you that I am excellent at Transfiguration?"

"You're not getting out of this so easily. We came here to give you a word of warning. Stay out of our business."

"And you stay away from my students."

"As you wish. I would not let myself fall in a too deep slumber at night then, if I were you," Orion threatened the teacher, but she merely gave him a smile.

"I guess that Hagrid will finally have proper pumpkins this year then."

"You don't know who you're up against."

"And you are clearly a fool if you think that you will get to me with just a few threats. I have fought much stronger Wizards than you."

"Are you doubting our abilities?" Walburga protested through gritted teeth.

"I am doubting your judgement."

"We shall see then."

Orion turned on his heels, dragging his wife after him. They seemed infuriated, but the teacher before you and Sirius was still perfectly calm.

"You shouldn't have done that," Sirius breathed. "You'll be in trouble."

"Trouble?" McGonagall turned towards her student with an amused smile on her thin lips. "You are forgetting my house, Sirius. Trouble is my specialty."

*************************************

@geeksareunique @giggleberts @justanothermaraudersblog @sad-orange-thoughts @aylinnmaslow @haritini2000 @ladyblablabla @drinix @joelynnp @mxrihollxnd @mikeselevennn @knowledgeisthebomb @ponycake27 @russosprettydiamond @horsesreign @siriusement @draqcnheartstrinq @xinyourdreamsx @jbluevelvet @notkeppeki

[em0x0]

You mess up, big time. Part 2

Jason Todd x Venom (kind of get Tim into it just for fun

Warning: messy plot, curse, violence.

“I didn’t come all this way for a coffee, Eddie.” Jason, who is clearly annoyed.

“Someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I bought you coffe so would you do me a favour and hack into Life Foundation?”

“What, you are still on that? What are you looking for anyway?”

“Hear me out, I got and interview with them and I really need something solid, so it would at least seem like I know what I am talking about and might push them to talk.”

“They are actually doing an interview with you? Do they not know what you have done?” Which mean all those corrupted company Eddie took down in the past.

“I guess not. Or they are playing ignorance.”

“Yea, big company do have a tendency of doing that.”

“So, can you do some hacking or not? Kind of need it by tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow, are you serious?”

“Yes, sorry is so last minute.”

“Fine... you own me big time! That coffee is shit by the way.” “Since big time reporter need his super secret document, I better get to work. I am going to send you the file tonight.”

“Yea, yea. I own you, thanks!”

Jason is not the greatest hacker if he have to be completely honest, he is more physical like making a bomb and using his gun right in the action. Not behind a computer screen.

Jason spended hours trying to hack into the system of Life Foundation, but still cant get into the research part. And he decided to ask for foreign aid, aka Tim.

“What do you want Jason?”

“Are you out on patrol today?”

“No.”

“Great, can you help me hack into Life Foundation? The new research they are doing specifically.”

“You in San Fansico?”

“Yea, can you help??”

“Why are you doing this?” It’s actually quite surprising that Tim would ask anything, in their line of ‘work’ hacking into big company is like a daily chore, so that should not be anything but ordinary. Well apparently not Jason guess.

“It’s just a favour for a friend.”

“Don’t know what you are getting yourself into, but be careful.” “Okay. I got it. Jus.. they are doing all kind of experiment on human.”

“Well, that’s was quick. Whatever that is mind send me a copy of it?” Jason wonder if he should call earlier.

“Just did. I got to go Bruce is calling me.”

“Alright, thanks. Own you a coffee, Tim.”

While Eddie go and have an interview with Carlton Drake, Jason have a plan of his own as well. There is a researcher position open in the company, it does beg the question of why is ther a position open. But see how much Carlton love doing experiment on human, it will not surprise Jason that a unlucky researcher might end up being a lab rat for Carlton. In Jason opinion building a fake identity with extensive science background is much easier than hacking. Peter Rodd it is.

“Hi, Peter. I’m Dora Skirth the chief scientist for this project.” Dora leading Jason ‘Peter’ to a control panel infront of a glass cell with a round vault with some kind of goo in it have a rufous-ish colour.

“Keep an eye on this, and the monitor over there.”

“Okay.”

Jason sit down infront of the cell and start monitoring the wave and movement as told by Dr.Skirth. Jason phone buzz.

“I mess up, they kick me out.” Text from Eddie. Jason is far from surprise, Eddie is very much like him could be over power by instinct and mess things up. Hot headed. Implosive.

“Well, I got a position in their lab. But cant move yet, probably have to wait till everyone is off.” Jason send a text back to Eddie.

Then Jason hear a familiar voice, it’s Tim. Jason lean over the panel and see, it is Tim, who currently is talking with Carlton Drake. Then it click, they are both Drake! They are related.

“Why did you hack into my system, cousin.” Oh they are cousin, that’s totally make sense Jason think. It’s very unusual that Tim would get caught like that, Carlton must be good at that.

“Just curious about your research.” Good going Tim, he really is not the best liar.

“You can just ask you know, cousin.” Then Carlton start leading Tim toward where Jason is.

“Let me show you.” “Open the door.” Carlton ordered which is for Jason, since his is siting at the control panel. Jason of course do as the man said, slightly panic because don’t know what Tim reaction would be when he saw him and what the man plan to do. After the door to the glass cell open, Carlton urge Tim to go in and show him the goo in the vault.

“We call them symboite, they can’t survive without a host on earth. So we are trying to find one for them.” Jason as this instant know exactly wha going to happen, start to think we he can do to get Tim out.

Tim didn’t realise Jason standing outside and behind the panel, probably too occupy by the fact that he might very soon be consumed by some sort of alien life form. Jason is wearing a lab coat but he did have a flash grenade on him in case he need a quick exit. He just really hope the impact is enough to break the glass, so he throw it like a baseball pitcher and the glass did break. Jason immediately jump across the panel and grap Tim, and start run. Jason did not realise at that moment Tim is not the only one he break out of the lab.

Security is already chasing them, and with guns. Jason really regret not having more than a flash grande on him. This is just not very great odds.

“Hum, so what’s the plan?” Tim ask when they turn a corner and loses the gruad for a bit.

“Do I look like someone that have a plan.”

Tim somehow can still roll his eye while they both running.

Then they heat a dead end, look like a back door but its lock. Then Jason without thinking just through himself to the door and the door break open like some miracle.

“You are stronger than I thought.”

“Well, I’m stronger than I thought.”

Lucky for Jason and Tim the Life Foundation is like a maze, so losing some security guard is easier then they thought. But unlucky for the security guard.  

“We lose them.” a guard rush back to the lab and report back to Carlton 

“How can you lose them we are on a fucking island. Where can they go? Keep looking, and bring back my creature.” Everyone in the lab is stunted by how furious Carlton is. It is rare to see the stoic and ascetic CEO so emotional.  

“Copy that.”

“Still can’t believe we make it out alive.” Tim sign after they cross the bridge and on the way back to down town.

“Really? I definitely had been in worst situation than that.”

“Always hated Carl but never thought he would actually try to kill me.”

“Hah, another sibling trying to kill you? He need to get in line.”

“Very funny Jason.”

Jason start to feel a bit nauseous and dizzy, which is not a good thing cause he is the one driving the car.

“Hey, hey! Watch it!” Tim yell, and grip the steering wheel and avoided the tree they nearly crashed into and stoped on the side walk.

“Sorry, feeling a bit under the weather.”

“Yea, its been a long day. How about let me drive you home.”

“I got a safe house in china town.”

“Seriously, how did you get safe house everywhere.”

“I am pretty sure you know how.”

Few more turn, they arrive and Jason is sweating like he just have a shower.

“Hey, you sure you are okay? You look terrible.”

“Probably caught something in the lab, but don’t worry I think it going to off soon.”

“Okay, just call me if you need anything.”

“Thanks.”

Jason can feel his phone buzzing but he is to tired to even look at who that might be. Dozing off on the way through his kitchen, and fell down on the floor.

When Jason wake up he his cover in chocolate powder.

“What the fuck?”

“FINALLY, DO YOU HAVE ANYMORE OF THAT.”

“What? Who’s there?” Looking around his apartment but no one seem to be there. That’s new, the joker never show up like that.

“I AM NO JOKER.”

“Who... who is this again?” He can see a slight reflection of a rufous colour creature on the window. Jason instinctly run toward the window and open it. But there is nothing there.

“I AM TOXIN.”

“Toxin? Like chemical and stuff?”

“NO. YOU PEOPLE CALL US SYMBIOTE, WE COME FROM A PLANET, KLYNTAR.”

{Oh, right symbiote...Jason feel like he got a parasite or something.}

“I AM NOT A PARASITE!”

“What!? You can hear my thoughts?”

“JUST LIKE YOU CAN HEAR ME.” “ENOUGH CHIT CHAT I WANT FOOD!”

“What do you eat though?”

“BRAIN ORGAN SOMETHING FRESH.”

“No, no brain and no organ.”

Jason walk to the kitchen and try to find something to eat, don’t know if it’s the influence of the symbiote or he is just genuinely hungry. Jason is so glad that he just stock up with microwave meal, he love to cook but these days he rarely have time for that. Jason grip one and go put it in the microwave. 

“THAT I WANT TO EAT THAT!”

“Chocolate?” Jason pass the chocolate to the symbiote who had peek out of Jason’s shoulder into a little puppet like figure and quickly snitch the chocolate out of Jason’s hand and finished it without even chewing. “hey! watch it, you nearly bite my hand off.” 

“DO YOU HAVE ANYMORE OF THAT?” 

Jason look into the cupboard to see if he still have anymore, but no luck. 

“I will go buy some after I finish that.” Jason gesturing toward his microwave meal. 

“HURRY. OR I MIGHT JUST EAT YOUR LIVER.”

“okay, calm down. I will hurry.” Jason think his is short tempered enough, surprise to find ‘someone’ who is worst then him. 

Jason finish the meal even though it burned his mouth. 

“Hey, Jason. Did you have someone over?” The nice old lady the live next door asked him. 

“Oh, no. I am just on the phone. Sorry if I am too loud.” 

“No, no. Don't worry about it dear. I brake some chocolate chip cookie you want some?”

“I am on my way out, maybe next time. thanks.” When Jason about to turn around and wave the old lady goodbye, and the symbiote yelled. “I WANT SOME.” (Jason is so glad the symbiote is not actually yelling and only he can hear.) “Second thought, I would like some.” 

The old lady put some cookie in a paper bag and hand it to Jason. This make Jason miss the cookie Alfred made, which is one of the reason Jason initially decided not to have the cookie. Nostalgia never mean anything good to him. 

Jason walk to the fire escape stairs and start offering the cookie to the symbiote. 

note: There might or might not have a follow up. Sorry for all the grammatical error. 

art by: ineedcats

[prettycurvey]

1-100 I want to know everything. Get me moist.

1. What tends to feel better for you, sex or masturbation? Sex, that can include some masturbation. 2. Your 5 favorite spots to be stimulated. Clit, nipples, back of neck, inner thighs and anus. 3. Have you ever had your prostate stimulated? Erm...I have a vagina 😂4. Have you ever had an orgasm from anywhere other than your genitals? Through nipples. 5. Do you prefer clitoral or vaginal stimulation? Clitoral 6. Can you touch your clitoris directly, or does that hurt? Directly 7. Are you well-acquainted with your G-spot? I am indeed. 8. Are handjobs boring, or underrated? Underrated. 9. Do you like having your balls touched? Can’t say I have any 😂10. Do you like having your nipples touched? Yes!!! Praise the nipples. 11. Do you like having your anus touched? Most definitely. 12. Have you ever been fisted (anally or vaginally)? Almost! Vaginally not anally. 13. Do you like mild roughness (scratching, spanking, hair-pulling, etc.)? Mild? More the better! 14. Do you have any kinks? My whole life is a kink 😂 BDSM is my main, I love being dominated. 15. Are you into anything under the BDSM umbrella? Bondage, submission. 16. Do you pee in the shower? I think everybody does? 🙈😂17. Do you ever masturbate in the shower? Very often. 18. Have you had sex in the shower? Nope. 19. Do you like being naked? Not by choice. 20. Do you sleep partially/fully naked? Partially, sometimes fully. 21. Have you ever skinny dipped? Nope. 22. What’s the most unusual thing you’ve done nude? Cooked a bacon sandwich 🥪 23. Have you ever to a nude beach, naked party, or other situation involving casual nudity? Nope. 24. Are you comfortable being seen partially/fully naked by family or friends (i.e. getting dressed, etc.)? Nope. 25. Are you comfortable with partners seeing you nude in non-sexual contexts? If I’m used to them I don’t mind. 26. Have you ever showered with someone (non-sexually)? Nope. 27. Do you care if a partner sees you going to the bathroom? Nope I don’t mind. 28. Do you have naked pictures/videos of yourself? If yes, have you sent them to anyone? Are they online? Only to my partner, they aren’t online. 29. How many sexual partners have you had? 2 for full intercourse, 5 including other sexual contexts. 30. How often do you masturbate? Quite a lot! Nearly everyday. 31. Age you started masturbating? How did you discover/learn about it? I honestly can’t remember, I don’t remember really being into it until I was around 15-16. 32. What position do you typically masturbate in (laying on back, on stomach, sitting up, etc.)? Laying on back or partially sitting up. 33. Describe your masturbation routine, technique, etc. Get the job done is my motto 😂 fingers or stimulation from a toy. 34. What do you masturbate to (porn, smut, imagination, etc.)? Porn or imagination. 35. Have you ever masturbated to the point you got sore? Many times! 36. Your thoughts the first time you got up close and personal with the opposite set of genitals? What the fuck is that! Joke, I was surprised when he came! It took me by surprise and I ran to the other side of the room 😂 37. Have you ever “compared” (genitals, breasts, whatever) with a friend? Nope. We just both say we have Big Macs. 38. What kind of underwear do you normally wear? Normally French undies. 39. Do you ever go commando? Depends on the weather. 40. Have you ever had a wet dream/orgasmed in your sleep? Many times! 41. How big is your penis? Erm...bigger than most ;-) I have a vagina! 😂 42. Does your penis curve at all? Yeah all the way round like ring. 43. Which testicle hangs lower? My chesticles? 😂44. How big are your breasts? 42D45. Do you long or short labia? Are they even or uneven? Fairly long but not too long and even. 46. Do you have a particularly large or tiny clitoris? It’s perfect size for my vagina. 47. Are you circumcised or no? Are you happy with it? Holy shit! If I was I’d be worried. 48. Are you turned on or off by foreskin, or don’t care? Couldn’t care less. 49. What are you more into (or like more about yourself), boobs or butts? My boobs, I hate my butt 😫50. Do you find genitals physically attractive, or weird/gross, or not feel strongly either way? I think they’re all weird! 51. Do you like the way your genitals look? I don’t like the look of them so nope! 52. Would you be able to pick out your genitals from a lineup? Nope, probably better playing spot the difference. 53. Do you like your butt? Hate it. I could do with toning. 54. What do you do with your pubic hair (shave, trim, wax, nothing, etc.)? Use hair removal cream all over or shave all over. 55. Do you care/have a preference what partners do with their pubic hair? As long as I can’t gag on it I don’t mind. 56. Do you tuck your penis a certain way (i.e. left or right) when you get dressed? I put it in the invisible pants. 57. Do you have or want any genital piercings? Do you like any on other people? I don’t, I wouldn’t mind any other person having it, doesn’t influence me. 58. What is the quickest you’ve ever brought yourself (or been brought) to orgasm? Myself - 1 minute (probably less) been bought to - 3 minutes. 59. Do you ever “edge” (repeatedly stop and start) when masturbating? I have done, more intense. 60. What’s the longest masturbation session you’ve had? Longest sex session? Longest masturbation was - 2 hours. Longest sex session around 4.5 hours. 61. What’s the most orgasms you’ve had in one session (of anything)? 7 lucky 7. 62. Do your orgasms tend to be full-body, or crotch-centric? Majority are full body. 63. Spit or swallow? Swallow, it’s rude to spit. 64. When you ejaculate, do you more shoot or dribble? Depends if I’ve edged. 65. Is it hot or gross to get ejaculated on? Hot!!!! 66. Do you “squirt?” Quite often if I’ve edged. 67. Have you ever attempted (or succeeded) to give yourself oral? Nope my belly would be in the way! 68. Have you ever given/received a footjob, boobjob, etc.? Given a boob job. 69. Have you ever had sex in a public place? In an alley 🙈70. Have you ever had sex in a bed/on a couch that didn’t belong to either of you? Yes. Family members houses. 71. Have you ever had sex/masturbated while somebody was sleeping near you? I have yes. 72. How many rooms of your house/apartment/etc. have you had sex in? 4. 73. Strangest/most unique place you’ve had sex? How about masturbated? In an alley. 74. Have you had any sexual experiences that were downright gross? I gagged that much I was sick a little. 75. Are you particularly “vocal” when masturbating/having sex? Always! 76. Have you ever been caught masturbating/having sex? A few times. 77. Have you had or do you want to have a threesome (or foursome, or more)? Never had, wouldn’t say no if my partner genuinely wanted one. 78. Do you own any sex toys? Many!! 79. Have you ever used a homemade sex toy, or a regular object as a sex toy? Electric toothbrush when I was a teen. 80. Can a dildo feel as good as a penis (assuming the person with the penis is good at what they do)? It depends on which dildo it is, so sometimes it can. 81. What are your favorite positions? Reverse cowgirl or doggy 82. Your most embarrassing sexual experience? Gagging so much I was sick. Recently too! 83. Worst place/time you’ve ever gotten a boner? Can’t say I have 😂😂84. Have you ever had any genital injuries? Nope. 85. Have you ever had a sexually transmitted infection? Nope. 86. Have you ever had a non-sexually transmitted genital infection (yeast infection, etc)? Nope. 87. If you lack a penis, have you ever tried to pee standing up? Whilst drunk yes. 88. If you lack a penis, how familiar are you with how you look down there? I look every so often. 89. Do you think you’re “good” at sex, or your performance/skill could use improvement? I’ve never had a complaint but that doesn’t mean I don’t need improvement. 90. Have you “sexted” (whether through text messaging or IM chat)? A few times. 91. Have you masturbated for or with someone via webcam? Once, yes. 92. Have you have phone sex? Nope. 93. If you had the opposite set of genitals for a day, name 5 things you would do. Masturbate, helicopter penis - can’t think what else. 94. What’s something you like about your body? My thighs. 95. What’s something you dislike about your body? Everything else. 96. What body parts do you find the sexiest? Thighs! 97. What was your most recent sexual thought? Being gagged again. 98. Do you ever just play with your boobs, penis, labia, etc.? I do, daily. 99. When was the last time you touched your genitals? Last night. 100. Do you often imagine people naked? Sometimes. Thanks lovely! You knew majority anyway 😂😘

[whatareyoulikeincapslock]

Portland, LA

“You look like you’ve shit your pants” says Michelle, a middle aged woman from Glen Roy, who I’ve met over breakfast bagels. She’s on a whirlwind tour with her friend, and scoffs at my hiking stories. My back is seizing worse than ever today and I find that stretching out my hip flexors seem to give me less relief than previous days. I’m starting to think I may have strained a ligament in my back now. I haven’t had a proper bed in three weeks, a spring loaded mattress or a lower plastic bunk bed has been the best case scenario, amongst hammocks and dirt and sleeping bags and couches.

I make my way on the metro to the airport after giving the reception the wine I don’t want anymore. I haven’t wanted to drink since waking up in the Fart Princesses bed. I can’t sit still on the metro as my hips keep tightening and my legs are vibrating pain, so I stand and make all sorts of weird stretches until I get to the terminal, where a man sees me stretching my hips out on the floor in the boarding lounge. He asks me if I have a running injury, and I tell him I’ve hiked 100k in two weeks. He says he’s run 200k: he’s an ultra marathon runner. I’ve read a few books on ultra marathons and I think it’s incredibly hardcore and super impressive. He is well over 60 and looking after his grandkids, and the guy is fitter than anything. He’s done two 100k runs in two weeks, and the last one took him ten hours, which is so impressive I nearly fall off my chair, except that I’m already on the floor stretching into pigeon pose.

By the time I get on the plane my back is radiating pain down my legs and I’m starting to worry.

I meet a 75 year old woman in the seat next to me who comments on my one Portland souvenir: a sweater that says “body by pastrami” that I am planning on wearing til its rags. Especially since ironically, I’ve probably lost some weight out here, though I haven’t properly checked. I also haven’t eaten any pastrami, but that’s beside the point.

I’ve been thinking deeply about sobriety again after yesterday’s discussion with chris. I started to talk about the book “this naked mind” by Annie grace, and how society is governed so much by alcoholcentricity that it is saturated to the point of external validation being completely biased.

We spoke about his friend who has a drinking problem and how the neural pathways can suffer a degeneration so severe that you can’t come back from it. And it occurred to me whilst I was preaching this that I had been black out twice in two days and it was the first time I had a bender like that in while. I didn’t feel guilty about it, but it made me worry about the injuries I’d sustained and whether that would have been different if I hadn’t drank. I would surmise that yes, considering that alcohol in vast amounts or even small ones can affect muscle recovery. I wonder what my capacity to hike would be if I was not sinking well above my average units of alcohol. The man who does ultra marathons had inspired me to start running again, but I know I can’t do it if I’m drinking, not in the capacity that I’m allowing myself to. Maybe not at all, whilst I train and build my body to overcome large distances.

Renee said that Muay Thai had helped her discover something she didn’t want to drink for, and I could see that, and feel that, when I was hiking. I would purposely not drink or only drink a bit before a hike the next day. But as soon as I had recovery time I would go Wild with it.

I think about Nathalie often on this trip because I’m still so pissed off at her reaction to me, but I realise lately that I have to let it go because otherwise it will prove to be cancerous for me and my propensity to be defiant and then just drink because someone tells me I can’t, which makes me understand why they try to break down your ego and humble you in AA. Because some people really don’t like being told what to do, to the point where they will do things they don’t even want to, to prove a point. And I’m one of them, which makes me want to shatter my ego to slivers and throw it out to the universe.

So much of this trip has me confronting the ridiculousness of my pride and ego. Somewhere recently I managed to pick up some large amount of insecurity, that has completely blown out my ego. I have become more sensitive lately, to my distaste, and I don’t quite know how to fix it.

I wonder if it had something to do with my time at refresh, and whether James not believing I had filled my capacity at any point had me wearing myself so thin that I blew out on feeling unworthy. Also, my penchance for unavailable men, which has me clinging to the narrative that I am too much, and not able to be loved, and unsure of how to love in an adequate way.

So much of this year has made me realise how much of a child I still am, and I wonder if we ever really get it together, or if we cover it with husbands and children and study and distractions large enough to identify ourselves by so we don’t have to face our lack of growth.

It is a slow process, realising you don’t know anything and then attempting to wrangle the beast that is a life that is constantly in transit.

And hiking mountains makes you completely aware of how insignificant and tiny you are in the grand scheme of things. I wonder what I can do in my life to influence the people around me enough to ensure that my name is said in reference to joy or insight after I am dead.

I wonder how far reaching kindness is, and I wonder if I have been kind enough lately, and I wonder if that is why I have felt my ego rising up to meet me with such aggressive fervour.

I keep hitting the left side of my body, cuts on my knees, restubbing my toe a million times a day because I have no toenail and I’m sleeping on a top bunk so low that I keep sitting up and smacking my head on the ceiling and then smacking my toe following that. My body is covered in bruises from hiking, clumsiness and drunkenness. The hike has left me with small scratches all over my feet that are stinging constantly. I still want to hike the Hollywood sign though. It will be the last hike of the trip and I think, a great place to end.

I listen to Halsey and G-Eazy on the plane and think about publicly being obsessed with someone to the point of making music talking about dying with them and then breaking up in the public eye.

I wonder if they then just refuse to play that song in their tours again, probably.

It makes me think about infatuation and love and how flawed we all are. Love seems uncomfortable, sacrificial. Infatuation is great, I wonder if it continues to come around in long term relationships if you try hard enough, and what those steps are. I guess that life is a series of storms you weather together, like they say. I wonder how often in love that you actually like each other, and how often you wish for something else, and whether it’s really worth it or just something we dreamed up because were animals that need to procreate and loneliness is debilitating. And whether fear of dying alone and unsupported plays a starring role in the perception of a relationship over the years. And then I think, tomorrow I could fall off a cliff and then I would never have to worry about shit like this, and maybe that’s the most comforting thing I have thought all morning.

The lady sitting next to me tells me about how her kids took her to Alaska for her 75th birthday, and whether it makes all the diarrhoea, sickness and relentless verbal slinging matches that occur when you spawn worth it. Whether it’s worth being told you are hated and being terrified of losing them to illness and accidents and hospital visits and mental health. Whether it’s worth the bills and the school and the bail outs and the disagreements. A trip through the wilderness that you could have afforded anyway, but maybe you would spend the time feeling so desperately lonely that your heart is the size of the moon, and the only thing that makes a life worth it is the notion, if not the reality, of love that is unconditional.

As I leave the plane, the lady next to me tells me her name is Pat.

She looks at me from the seat as I’m standing in the isle, fiddling with the strap of my bag.

“I’m envious”, she says.

I laugh, but the words curl themselves into my rib cage, and I wonder if they’re true.

[the-infamous-wine-bottle]

RULES: answer the 11 questions. Make 11 of your own and tag 11 people!

Thank you for tagging me @pezzo-di-paradiso, it took me ages to answer but at the end I did it. I loved your questions, they were very interesting and challenging.

1. What is your biggest weakness and what is your greatest strength?

Well, I shouldn't be answering this myself but let's say one of my biggest weakness is the fact that sometimes I can't function properly and therefore I might let down people who expect something from me. Be it procrastination, which is probably the result of other problems, that makes me always late (I meet the deadline but if I didn't procrastinate so much it would be much better for everyone), or the fact that it takes me a lot of effort to properly socialize with people and I kinda feel 'distant'.

My biggest strength could be the fact that I'm willing (well, let's say desperate maybe) to have a meaningful conversation with those who are interested. I really appreciate discussing things in depth and I'm quite ironic, if people are into it they usually appreciate a good talk together.

2. What is your dream, your goal you’d never give up on?

Unfortunately, even if I hate it, I'm quite unmotivated. I'd like to have an amazing dream to follow, but I struggle to think about something like that. One friend once told me about his dream life and I couldn't really answer with mine because nothing feels so exciting to me. Anyway, a general thing I wish for is internal stability and peace. I guess once you have it, your life is a good life, no matter what you do.

3. If there was a person who could give an answer to any kind of question in the world (from the most personal ones to the weirdest), what would you ask?

Oh shit that's a tough one! I'd probably ask them what lead to us and what's the meaning of that, if there's one. Or well, I could ask him about metamoro, yah know ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

4. Talk about your favourite movie. Why do you like it? What it means to you (if anything)?

Mh, I suppose my fave movies could be the star wars saga. In that case, I love the sensation they give me. If I could be anything in the world I think I'd be a jedi. I love the purpose, the mission, the aim. Sometimes real life feels like there's no sense at all, star wars movies are based on a sense. Everyone does stuff because they know it's worth it, force is all around and the universe needs them. And while they are aware of that, they can still be dumb gays casually strolling through a galaxy far far away (yeah, I ship the heck out of Finn and Poe, fight me). And have you seen the lightsabers? I'd kill to own a lightsaber (honestly I own a pretty cool one and it even makes sounds but it's not the same...) and I nearly subscribed to a lightsaber use course this year...

5. What is your favourite quote? Why?

Ouch, this is again a difficult one. I don't know if it's my fave but a good one is "il massimo segno dell'intelligenza è il dubbio" ("the highest display of intelligence is doubt"), changing ones mind is essential in order to grow and understand.

6. There is a lyric in one song that I really love: “Perché quello che sono, l`ho imparato da te” (”Because what I am, I learned it from you”) Who is the person that taught you what you are (not what you know)? How did they help / influence your personal formation / growth?

Mh, what I am? I'd say it was myself. The problem is that until you aren't willing to see what you are, you're not going to know yourself. A lot of people have taught me what to be and someone did good, someone did bad. However, I'm not sure I know myself yet, sometimes it's scary to look inside. Maybe you see something you would prefer to ignore. And even though other people might help you, you can be the only one to go on this kind of journey.

7. I’ve heard people saying “I loved the stars but then I found out they require maths”. If there we absolutely no limits, what career path would you choose?

Well, I'd probably become an astronomer (':

Actually, this quote applies to my life too much right now to... one of the university paths I'm considering is astronomy and I'm not sure if I could do it because I know it requires a lot of math and physics, even tho the idea fascinates me.

8. Tell me your latest discovery (it can be even the smallest thing, a new hobby, a new book you loved, anything)

Brace yourself because that's gonna be a sad one: the loneliest whale on earth (and probably in the universe, supposing we're the only planets with whales on it) 🐋

So, a while ago sea researchers (?) heard a strange sound and they decided to monitor it. They discovered the sound was made by a whale, but it is an unordinary one: it always travels alone, while they are usually in groups. The reason behind the whale loneliness is that she (or maybe it was a male, I'm not sure) emits a sound that is too high for the other whales to hear. She is like emitting a noise in a frequency (52Hz) that they can't literally even hear, therefore she's alone. Researchers suppose she might have a physical malformation or she could be a hybrid between different kind of whales. 

I kinda understand that lonely whale, you know

9. If you were a power of nature (wind, storm, rain, sun, thunder, lightning, ect.) what would you be? Why?

I’d proabably be mist or fog: I could surround everything and the world would fall into peace for a while. I love this kind of weather, it gets me in a good mood.

10. What kind of person you aspire to be? What kind of traits you’ve already got? And what is still left to improve?

I’d like to be better. Maybe more productive, maybe more lovable, maybe more capable of forming meaningful relationships with people. i struggle to show affection and I wish I could because sometimes people need it. I’m very indipendent and I often feel chained when it comes to social bonds, but I also learned that pushing everyone away is not a healthy behaviour. Hopefully I’ll change that in a while. 

11. Choose a song as a soundtrack for today. What matches your mood and which lyric speaks to you the most today?

Today’s song must be Pace, by Fabrizio Moro. It always speaks to me, but in this period it seems even more appropriate. 

“Ci sono giorni a cui non riesco a dare un senso A percepire bene tutto quel che penso“

Tag: I’m sorry, I won’t tag anyone since I’ve already tagged 11 people in another answer, but I’d like to tag you @pezzo-di-paradiso, if you’d like to answer your own questions. Thanks again  💚