#anyway every time I see that meme that’s like ‘I have no dream job I do not dream of labor’

[whentherewerebicycles]

in my dream job era

[insupportofhatedanimecharacters]

A defense of good boy Misha (the one from Honkai Star Rail)

Why am I defending him after coming out of nowhere? Because I love this sweet boy and I am gonna have to let go of him eventually! And I will never get the waifu only incels who hate male child characters for being "annoying". Most of you acted like him at his age.

He's ugly and unattractive

No, he isn't! He is a very cute and handsome baby boy! I would say he is no different from a puppy if you put him next to a picture of one! I would also gladly say he is the cutest/ prettiest of the boys for sure! Also, referring to him as someone who needs to be attractive is kinda creepy. He's a minor ya know. One around 10-13 as well.

He's so annoying, whiny, and pathetic because he talks too much and is a crybaby

All because what? Like I said before, Misha is literally a 10-13 year old boy. He is just acting his age TBH. He is just acting his age and having fun. Also, he doesn't talk too much because not enough people can see or notice him. Also, I don't remember him being much of a crybaby canon wise. There are times the little bellboy himself knows how to be polite and mature. For instance, how he acted in an interview with Owlbert. He treated him so politely and was very respectful, unlike a certain pink haired IPC bitch who ruined his legacy. If you're referring to him crying in fan art because he can't go on trailblazing adventures or because he is trying his best at his job but people aren't noticing him, that would be okay reasons to cry. Nobody deserves to have their dreams crushed like that. Much less a child. It's very heartbreaking.

He's not a hot anime waifu

And? Does every character need to be a waifu to be good? My answer is no. Yes, there are multiple characters in this game who are waifus and also good characters. But the male characters are also great whether they are husbando (18+ characters please) or son material (any character under 18)!

I didn't get (insert character here) and it's his fault

No, it's not his fault. You just had bad luck. You can get them next time.

I wanna beat the shit outta him like I do with Yanqing

Honestly, Yanqing didn't deserve that and Misha doesn't either. Both of them are good boys who don't deserve the hate by pathetic incels.

He and/or Gallagher deserved to die and you're delusional for wanting either of them back

Honestly, no. Neither of them deserved to die. At least they got peaceful deaths unlike Tingyun! Speaking of which, Tingyun is supposed to be coming back later this year as she should! Can it please give us Misha + Gallagher fans hope?

He is just generic femboy bait/an NPC; you only like him because he's "cute"

Please stop calling underage male characters that. It's disgusting

You didn't read the story did you? He is literally the watchmaker's memory zone meme.

There is nothing wrong with liking cute characters! They're just so huggable, cuddly, and kissable!

He's not meta/ his gameplay is really bad

And does everyone have to use meta characters? Also, he is not bad. You just don't know how to build him and you should try at least building him. The 4 stars in this game are already under loved and deserve more love! Misha is a great example of this! Give the boy more love please!

Anyway, that's my defense of my precious little son! Please give him all the love he deserves if you get him or already have him! And please cherish his texts while you still can and talk to him while he is still on the train because you will miss him when he's gone! I'm sure a good chunk of you already have let him go and miss him dearly! He is/was the sweetest boy in Penacony and he deserves so much better!

[littledreamling]

hello, beloved ✨

☾ sleep headcanon + ❤️ sleeping quarters headcanon

Hello beloved 🥰

I can tell someone is tired 😉 Since you didn’t give me a character, I’m going to do this for both Dream and Hob :)

Sleep Headcanon:

Hob talks in his sleep. A lot. He has six hundred years of memories to draw from in his dreams, which means lots of good dreams and lots of bad dreams too. He mumbles into his pillow about Eleanor, he thrashes and loudly cries that he’s not a witch, he screams Robyn’s name, he whispers to his Stranger. For that reason, he never lets anyone stay the night. He can’t trust his sleeping body not to give away the one secret his waking mind has. He fucks (don’t get me wrong, Hob Gadling fucks) but his partners never stay until morning. There are no slow mornings, waking up in another’s arms, breakfasts in bed. Every morning, since Eleanor Gadling died, Hob Gadling has woken up alone.

And then his Stranger comes back. And then Hob gets a name, and a hand to hold, and a kiss, and more besides. And for the first time in over four hundred years, Hob wakes up in someone else’s embrace, someone who heard his sobs and screams throughout the night, someone who stayed anyway, someone who soothed his anguish and despair, and someone who chose to be there. Someone who will never leave again. And when he has an emotional breakdown about it, Dream soothes him through that, too.

Sleeping Quarters Headcanon:

My personal headcanon about sleeping quarters is that Dream doesn’t have any. Logically, he knows what a bed is, what a bedroom is, what pillows look like, what blankets are used for, what dressers and wardrobes contain. He’s seen them in dreams, in the sleeping minds of humanity, but he’s never used them himself. He doesn’t need them. He doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t get dressed in the morning, and you can’t look at his throne room and tell me that he values comfort. Dream of the Endless is duty and function focused and while pillows and bedsheets are important to the dreams of humans, they don’t help him do his job, so he largely ignores them. The only bedrooms that exist in the Dreaming are those in dreams themselves, illusory rooms made to fit the scene of the dream.

Hob’s room, on the other hand, is nothing but comfort. It’s dark and comfortably cool, so wrapping up in a blanket (or snuggling under a pile of them) is a welcome warmth. Hob values sleep, not only as a professor, but as someone who’s spent a significant amount of their life in pain; he knows that sleep is often the only escape from physical ailments (not to mention that he’s spent a significant part of his life sleep deprived; he’s making up for a lot of lost time). The moment that Dream steps into Hob’s room for the first time, it’s as if a question he’d always pondered, wiggling in his mind like a loose tooth, suddenly pops free and he understands. He sees it in every line of Hob’s body, the way he instantly relaxes, the way he breathes easier in the dim light and surrounded by objects of comfort. And in time, Dream, too, comes to know the value of these objects and their ability to ease his mind.

From this headcanon meme!

[crybabyddl]

Just finished my rewatch of jatp. My perfrct track record of not crying during Unsaid Emily remains untouched. I will say though, I was very close to shedding a tear this time. However, I didn’t even cry during Stand Tall! I always cry during Stand Tall!

Anyways, I couldn’t stop thinking about all the headcanons and theories that us tumblr fantoms created and the little easter eggs we discovered while watching and rewatching the series. It makes me really appreciative of the fact that we had a sense of community during a time where a lot of us were alone, scared, and uninspired. Just like Julie, I felt a renewed sense of purpose and hope. I think that a lot of people felt the same after watching the show. Julie and the Phantoms is what inspired me to learn the piano, the ukulele, and it led me to getting a guitar. When I learned how to play the chords for the soundtrack, I was playing those songs nonstop. It really helped me brave through the unsure feelings that came along with the pandemic. It made me forget my fears about the future.

I don’t feel as hopeful about things as I did back then, but JATP will always be a land-marking point in my life. It represents newfound joy, reignited passion, and abundant vivacity. As someone who loves and is extremely passionate about music, this silly little netflix show really hit me in the most sensitive places. And while I remember having a bout of serious depression after finishing the series, (along with intense rage that while I was dealing with my depression at its lowest point, the cast of jatp was living what felt like my dream) the lessons I learned from the show were far more significant. It literally brought music back into my life, no joke.

The friends I made because of JATP will always have a special place in my heart. A lot of them don’t use tumblr anymore, and I don’t use it nearly as much as I used to, but I’m still so grateful to have been introduced to such kind, accepting, and funny people. The stories, theories, headcanons, fanfictions, moodboards, inside jokes, memes, and fanart we created will always be remembered and cherished. I’m still pro-cheesecake, I’m still highly allergic to sleeves, and every time I see an unnecessary or fake zipper, I think of my fellow tumblr fantoms.

I don’t think I’ll ever truly “get over” Julie and the Phantoms. It was the first thing that truly resonated with my spirit as a new adult. I was 19 and had dropped out of college, feeling completely lost and like I had nothing going for me. Going into lockdown because of the pandemic didn’t help with any of that, and I was aimlessly, endlessly scrolling on social media, hoping to find meaning and purpose. And one day, my friend posted a clip on snapchat of what she was watching on netflix. The guy was cute and it looked like him and the girl he was next to had a nice connection so I asked what show it was. That’s how I discovered JATP, almost 2 weeks after its release. I also just have an unhealthy attachment to the show and the characters so I refuse to let this media that speaks to my soul die.

All that being said, we really deserved another season. I think it would cure me entirely, if I’m being honest. Even if it was just a little Christmas special where they decorate a tree and do those mini stories like filler episodes of a cartoon series. Hell, I’d settle for an animated JATP episode. I just think we all deserve it after what we’ve been through not only as a fandom, but as human beings. I will never forgive netflix for it’s terrible job at promoting, because they only failed when it came to this show specifically. They managed to keep every other show, even ones far less deserving of acclaim and attention, afloat during and after the pandemic. The only reason JATP managed to get anywhere was solely the cast, creators, and fans. Paul Becker was on fucking overdrive, churning out BTS videos WEEKLY. Fanfiction writers were bursting at the seams with multi-chapter series and one shots about every possible scenario. We got things trending on twitter during the two most chronically online years. Fanart was being shared like crazy, and we had the instagram fantoms so confused by the memes that they retaliated and claimed they were superior.

Meanwhile, tumblr was in its shadowbanning era, and fantoms were in the TRENCHES trying to get their content to reach beyond mutuals and taglists. We received barely any appreciation, except for when we trended on twitter asking to renew jatp and on tumblr for jatp appreciation week. Let’s not forget when we thought Owen had a secret tumblr and we all started accusing each other of being him. I will never forget when we all rallied to get Madi to 1 million followers because we didn’t want her to become overshadowed by the boys and all the attention they were getting. We all watched their instagram lives and I will always love the tumblr fantoms who made gifs of the cutest moments from those. Everyone saw me shamelessly simp over Charlie with facial hair wearing a santa onesie. We created a whole Carrie redemption arc out of thin air, we created origin stories for Rose and the Petal Pushers, and we forced the creators of JATP to give us the official last names of Reggie, Alex, and Flynn (This adventure SPECIFICALLY!!!) We were ruthless in our efforts to uncover their last names. We used breadcrumbs to make theories and speculations, only to end up begging in every comment section and dm inbox we could to get Reggie Peters, Alex Mercer, and eventually—though much, much later—Flynn Taylor. We gave Willie more crop tops, we basically storyboarded a second season, complete with episode titles and songs! We uncovered the Sunset Curve EP using the grainiest photos in existence, we created a loose timeline surrounding everyone’s birthdays, deaths, and significant events. We orchestrated a fucking CONCERT TOUR for this band. Oh, and let’s not forget when Kenny and the boys went to Hawaii. That Hawaii trip was so eventful for the fantoms, you have no idea how serious I’m being unless you were there for it. That was something unlike anything else for so many reasons. There’s a lot more, but that’s the stuff that came to mind immediately.

[fbfh]

husband!kit walker x reader hcs

wc: 900

genre: fluff, domestic bliss

warnings: kit being adorable, optional mention of reader having a bad family, kit standing up for you, kit is a good husband and head over heels for you

song rec: be my baby - the ronettes

a/n: I LOVE THIS MAN!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!!!!! AWOOGA!!!!!! also I actually rested and it only took two days and I feel literally reborn???? I should do that more often lol

@yesv01

Honestly I can’t even start with dating headcanons

Kit Walker is such pure raw husband material that if you get within six feet of him a diamond ring appears on your finger

He’s a simple man really

He just wants to do a good job at some honest work to provide for you

Come home to your cozy house you share

Kiss you on the lips and dance around your kitchen while dinner cooks

Maybe a couple of rugrats running around 

You know that tiktok audio of “you can pick anyone fictional to be your husband but divorce is never an option” “I COULD GO INTO HEAVY DETAIL. AND I WILL.”

It’s Kit

That’s literally Kit

If you need a fake husband 

Or a temporary husband 

Don’t choose Kit

Bc he will treat you so fucking well

You’ll get way way way too attached

To get this out of the way

I hate to see Kit in distress or pain

But dear god does he look hot when he is

Anyway back to happy Kit

Which is all the time bc he is so so happy around you

I’ve said it before I’ll say it again, this man’s full name is Kit “that’s my wife!” (proceeds to knock someone out swiftly with one punch) Walker

He starts every morning by waking up smiling

Because he gets to wake up next to you

He looks at you, all sun soaked in the morning light, and he can’t believe he gets to live another day with a living dream come true like you

Then he wakes you up with kisses

So so so many kisses

Sometimes other things but that’s another story (and not for the sfw hcs)

This man knows everything about you

He knows how you like your coffee or tea or whatever, your favorite food, your favorite songs for kitchen dancing

He knows everything you love and hate

Yk the “excuse me! he asked for no pickles >:(“ meme

That’s Kit

Kit will (very politely bc he’s kind and understands how hard it is to work jobs that involve the general public bc of all the assholes that come through the garage) fix your order if someone gets it wrong

When someone asks if he’s your boyfriend he’ll happily and proudly correct them that he’s actually your husband

He doesn’t do the thing where he holds up his hand and points to his ring but he will pull you close and wrap his arms around you 

And most likely kiss you in front of the person

God I haven’t brought up The Look in a while

But Kit Walker CONSTANTLY looks at you with The Look 

Like all the goddamn time 

He’s not racist, probably an ally, and definitely a feminist

And he loves you so so much

God he’s such a catch

Once your friends spend a few minutes around him they start to realize that too

Or anyone really

You’re usually met with “wow where did you dig him up?? Where did you find him?? How do I get one??” 

Feel free to say you met at the mental hospital bc no one can tell if you’re joking or not

And he is literally perfect to bring as your date to holiday parties and family events

I mean he’s your husband so why wouldn’t he be your date

But no matter how hectic or crazy family stuff gets, he can totally handle it

He’s the perfect buffer

He’s so naturally smooth and likable and charming 

Everyone in your life that meets him totally approves

I mean all they have to do is see the way he looks at you

No one can deny that

If your family is really bad

Or generally not someone you want to be around

Kit will defend the HELL out of you

He’s not scared of confrontation, especially if it’s on your behalf 

And he is not scared to counter any underhanded comments with “Now, what did you mean by that?”

Will not let it go

He’s not going to let anyone talk shit about his spouse, his love, his sweetheart 

Especially the people that should have your back

It’s so interesting to watch because even when he’s confronting someone and defending you and telling people off for thinking they can treat you like that

It still doesn’t make him feel scary or less gentle than you know he is

And he is so so gentle with you

He says I love you all the time

With every touch

Every kiss

Every look and act of service

He’s saying it

He tells you how much he loves you all the time

Because how can he not??

You’re the most knockout dynamite dreamboat he could ever hope to be around 

He doesn’t know how he got you to fall for him back 

How he got you to love him

(he absolutely swept you off your feet)

But he’s just so glad that you do

He knows you inside and out

He knows everything about you

And he loves all of it

And you know everything about him

And you love him right back

Because you guys really are a match made in heaven

[13eyond13]

25 for Griffith?

[character ask meme]

GRIFFITH + 25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Hahaha, an excellent choice of a question for him

cut for spoilers, because I know I have a mutual who is freshly reading this series right now... (don't look, Dilly!!)

OK so my reactions to him chronologically can basically be divided into three parts:

(1) Pre-Eclipse: I like him, but I'm also side-eyeing him a bit... What's he up to, exactly?

(2) During the Eclipse: yoooo Griffith what the actual fuck you actual piece of shit!!!!

(3) Post-Eclipse: I HATE HIM AND EVERYTHING HE DOES ENRAGES ME BUT ALSO I REMEMBER HE'S A BIT COMPLICATED AND ALSO IT'S MORE BORING WHEN HE'S NOT AROUND SO WHERE DID HE GO AND CAN HE STOP DISAPPEARING FOR DOZENS OF CHAPTERS AT A TIME PLEASE

So initially I liked Griffith as a character and found him interesting to follow on the page (especially because I was like woah I can't believe how outright gay for Guts he's written, like I knew that people shipped them but I didn't think it would be that unambiguous? Good for him, good for him, I like how bold he is about it) BUT I was also side-eyeing Griffith and distrusting him a bit from the beginning, just because I knew that SOMETHING crazy must have happened to make him and Guts the kind of mortal enemies they were now before we got into the flashbacks, and because I don't trust endlessly ambitious characters trying to make themselves increasingly powerful, and because he did some shitty stuff at times (like making Casca warm Guts up with her body heat because it was a "woman's job")... but I think I remember believing that whatever it was he was still going to be a somewhat redeemable character, or that maybe the antagonism between him and Guts was based on a misunderstanding or something. So whenever the Eclipse stuff happened, I was genuinely shocked and completely horrified (here is the post with my live reaction to that part (x)

I REALLY got mad and really disliked him after that, and it nearly made me quit reading the story, because I wasn't a huge fan of how porny that whole scene was drawn in comparison to how the previous assaults were depicted on the page / wasn't incredibly sure if it felt super in-character of him / necessary for the plot / wasn't sure if Casca would ever be allowed to come back as a character in the story again ... but I also found I couldn't stop reading it for long, I was already way too emotionally invested in the characters and enjoying the Berserk universe as a whole. And stuff like how mutilated and broken and pitiful Griffith was after the torture he endured, and the scene of child him feeling obligated to keep going with his dream because of all the people he'd lead to their deaths already, made him stay more interesting to follow and more complex to contemplate as a character to me.

ANYWAY, the longer the story went on without him showing up again (if I recall correctly it goes on for at least another like 80 chapters more or something before we even see him again after that?) the more I realized that he brings a lot of the intrigue and make the most of the plot stuff that I'm actually most interested in happen, for better or for worse. So even though I was always enraged by him basically just existing and everything he did on the page after that I was also like "!!!! there he is, FINALLY" and glad every time he showed up again, haha. I wish sometimes now that he was still a bit more of a volatile/human character as he was before he made the sacrifices, because that's definitely more interesting to watch... but I can't say I'm not still very intrigued to see what happens in the end / how everything was meant to resolve between him and Casca and Guts, and if we'll ever see a big break in his aloof facade again, even after he tried to ascend to godhood and erase all of those more vulnerable human qualities from himself.

IN SUMMARY he's not my absolute fave in this series, and that's remained the same for me the entire time (it goes Guts>Casca>Griffith for me, and that order of faves hasn't changed all throughout) ... but he's definitely an iconic character, the one that brings a lot of the drama and the intrigue, and for some reason is the one I find most fun to discuss and post and speculate about in the fandom rn

[lylilorden]

12 Questions for 12 Followers

thanks @dreamingthroughthenoise!!

1. Are you named after anyone?

nope! kind of the opposite, almost. ultrasound technology wasnt.... the best..... around when i was born, so my parents were expecting a boy, and then like twelve hours before i was born my mom had a funny feeling and they started shuffling through name books until they found my names. ha, jokes on them i grew up to be agender anyway

2. When was the last time you cried?

idk, probably no more than two days ago. i never used to cry, and now i cry at everything

3. Do you have kids?

i have my internet hellions @potatoesandsadness and @depressedwetnapkin, and also two baby nieces who i love a lot (but who taught me that yeah i probably dont want my own children. they are exhausting)

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

mm, i guess? i try to only do it if its obviously a joke bc i have a hard time telling when other people are sometimes, and i dont want anyone to struggle to interpret what im saying

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

in person, probably height? im pretty short so its a notable feature for me. online, i guess whatever the first handful of posts i see from them have in common?

6. What's your eye color?

bluegreengrey. they shift color depending on what im wearing and sometimes with my mood

7. Any special talents?

the first time i cook something it always turns out really well, and im good at remembering numerical passcodes and passwords. it took me exactly one time seeing it used to remember the code to the mail room door at my job (and my reward for that is that my boss always sends me over now to check it lmao)

8. What are your hobbies?

i read a lot, trad pub and fanfic (my favorite novel i've read this year is 'a taste of gold and iron' by alex rowland. my ao3 history is between me, myself, and i. god is not invited to this party, not even by implication). allegedly, i also write fic. im not very good at video games but i love playing uno on discord's knock-off uno app with @quack-snail-umbrella. im taking a ceramics class again bc i really enjoy it and that's the best and easiest way to get my hands on the materials. pressing plants for my collection, and occasionally making really stupid memes in a drawing app to inflict on my discord friends about niche things. does collecting books count as a hobby?

9. What sports do you play/have played?

i did gymnastics as a kid, and ice skating. i did archery in my teens, and nothing else since, bc between those three things ive made every single one of my joints permanently angry at me

10. How tall are you?

5' 2" with a lil upwards wiggle room

11. Favorite subiects in school?

art and history in high school, all my applied botany and ecology type classes im taking currently for my AS right now

12. Dream job?

that's kind of a tough one. i guess anything that helps me make a material, positive impact on the world? im not super picky i just want to not hate my job

tagging: everyone i already tagged up in my answers, @doodle-do-wop @displayheartcode @tethysresort @dear-rat-boi @my-insanity-is-an-artform @flaim-ita @sparklecryptid @chili-the-kid @kanafinwe-makalaure and anyone who feels like doing this

[tittyinfinity]

Took my seroquel way too late last night and just woke up (it's 1:55pm)

Anyway I'll type out what I can remember from my dream before I forget

I was doing work training at a place that was both a restaurant and a store combined. It wasn't very big, but here's the thing. They put the dining booths in the middle of the store isles, so you had to walk around them to shop. The owner said "if our restaurant customers can see our other products they're more likely to buy them."

I'm like "yeah, sure, but then people coming here for the store will be annoyed by having to walk around them."

"Does it look like they're annoyed?"

The store was full, customers shopping, inoring the tables in the isles. So yeah, I guess they didn't care.

After waiting on some tables, my boss comes up and gives me a bag. She says that it's a gift for the employee of the month, and since she was leaving, I had to give it to him. "His name is on the front; he has brown curly hair and he's kinda tall."

The bag says "For Chala Chango, 2nd/3rd shift". I look around, and every employee is a tall teenage white boy with short curly brown hair. I start asking each one where I can find Mr. Chango. They ignore me. My friend hunter walks up, says my shift is over, and he'll take over. He is also a tall white boy with curly brown hair, but he's 30 IRL.

I drive home, where I'm living in a large trailer with two girls with rainbow hair and an undercut. They start arguing about whether or not one of them could call themselves a lesbian if she slept with a guy in the past. I'm like, oh God, I live with people who get off on tumblr discourse. So I start driving to my son's grandma's instead.

You have to drive down this super long rural road to get there, just like IRL. Except when you get there, it's a whole neighborhood with houses that looked identical to the ones on the street I grew up in, except reversed. There was a fluffy calico cat outside, so I don't go in, I sit in the driveway to pet the cat. Then a Bengal kitty that looks exactly like a mini-leopard walks up. I pet her, but then her spots keep printing onto my skin so now I have leopard hands.

I suddenly remember that I took Chala's gift home with me, so now I have to go back to deliver it to him. I get there and my coworkers start yelling at me because I'm not wearing my work pants despite not being on the clock. They said I still WAS on the clock because I never even clocked out before I left.

Hunter walks up and asks what's up. I show him the bag. He says "Chala won't be in for another 4 hours. I don't know why boss gave this to you. I'll take it to him."

I hand him the bag, noticing again that my hand is full leopard print. "Hunter, look at what this cat did to me! It was like a printer!"

He grabs my hand and looks at it like half an inch from his face. I notice that one of his eyes is now foggy and glossed over. "Sorry, this job has made me blind in one eye. What are you trying to show me again?"

"How did this job do that?"

"Angry customer."

".....oh God. Okay."

I decide to do some shopping. As I'm walking around, I see the girl who runs the one-time-i-dreamt blog. I walk up to her and say "wanna hear something funny? You're IN a one-time-i-deamt now!"

She stares at me with wide eyes until a group of men in tuxedos walks up and surrounds her. They mention that she has to have bodyguards because people aren't supposed to recognize her in dreams.

I go home, and that one fucker y'all always post about, Jerma, is there. I'm like. What the fuck, all I've ever seen of him outside of a million memes is when I watched 5 minutes of his sims role playing video.

He tells me that he's dating the one-time-i-dreamt girl (forgot her name, sorry). He says I'm not allowed to like her unless I'm Polish. I'm like. That's not even where she's from

He looks sad for a second. Almost betrayed. He holds his hand out and says "come with me." I touch his hand and now somehow I now have feelings for this man. He does not provoke any emotion for me in real life. So I'm like what the fuck, okay.

But then I start remembering my ex and how good he fucked, so I was like no, I'm staying here. Then he just. Evaporated into thin air

I go home and my roommates are asleep, so I invite hunter over. I tell him about my day. "That's crazy, man" he says.

~dream end~

Fuck you tumblr

[wishingtoflylikeabirdinthesky]

It's not as exciting as it sounds, working at the pearly gates.

Sure, it's satisfying to send the hypocrites and the assholes to hell. And it's nice to see the ones who thought they were beyond redemption walk through into paradise.

So yeah, it has its perks. But not exciting. I mean, after the first million souls or so they all blur together, you know? You never get anything new. Animals all get sent right on through automatically and there's nothing other then humans in our jurisdiction. Oh sure, there's life other then humans. But that's no my department.

I keep tads on humans on my lunch breaks. You're a damn fascinating species, better then anything your "television" puts out. Although The Good Place was a little too relatable, I'll give you guys that.

Anyway, one of my favorite things you guys came up with was the Space Race. I mean, what a nail biter! And it was so tense up until the end. Pity about those Apollo one guys, though. But I heard they got a kick out of watching the moon landing when it did happen.

Course, that sorta died down after a decade or so. Don't know why you guys quit going to the moon.

And then you decided Mars was the place to be and started sending out all those rovers of yours. Not nearly as exiting as going yourselves, but as you all like to say, baby steps.

The rovers were surprisingly fun to watch. For mindless robots, they've got a lot of spunk. So I'd check in every once in while, but mostly I watched Earth. You guys had figured out how to work memes and it was a very amusing thing.

I was half way through a shift when it go here. I have no idea why none of the others I processed mentioned the thing, but death is confusing enough I guess.

It shouldn't have been there. I want to make that clear, by no law of the universe should that thing have had a soul. You humans are where closer to making actual AI then you are sprouting wings. And you never even tried with this! Its job was to collect rocks!

And yet there is was, beeping up at me.

It didn't look like a human soul. Or any other form of life that I had ever seen. It wasn't damaged at all, or even afraid. That was the weirdest thing. You humans are always scared shitless by the time I see you. But this thing wasn't. Even a little. It was just... curious. Like that's all I could feel from it. Pure wonder.

I blinked a bit before flipping through my files, seeing if it was a new species or something. I found nothing, of course. Those idiots over in records never give us anything useful.

So I did the only thing I could do. I asked its name.

Now, you humans have come up with so many ways to say the same thing that I've had to learn a lot of languages to keep up. The newest was binary, which I never expected to actually need.

It came in handy, since that's what the thing answered back in.

01001111 01110000 01110000 01101111 01110010 01110100 01110101 01101110 01101001 01110100 01111001

Opportunity.

I remembered that name. It had popped up in new reports regarding a Mars rover that went out of commission, sending the final message "my battery is low and its getting dark." before dying.

Humanity had cried over it for a solid couple of days. You guys really like personifying objects.

But I had dismissed it as just that. But here it was. Waiting patiently for me to send it On.

I could just opened the gates and sent it through and put from my mind. Make the thing some else's problem.

I didn't.

I stood, crossed in front of my desk, and put out my hand to touch the strange soul.

Opportunity didn't feel human. Nor animal. It felt.... simple. Calm.

I could feel an awearness of the love its chief engineer had felt for it. The pang of missing the workshop back on Earth where it had been built, during long nights on Mars.

It had dreamed. Dreamed of humans making it to Mars and finding it. Of it's engineer taking it home and repairing it. Dreamed of exploring Earth as it had Mars.

I could purpose, and curiosity in its mission. Lonely as it was, it never doubted its purpose or resented its lot in life. It got to learn, and to see what had never been seen. What more could it ask for?

I could feel one tiny spec of fear. Near the end of its life, it realized it would never go home. Never see Earth or its engineer again. That it would die alone on Mars.

And like all things with a soul it did not want to die. It cried and mourned and begged to live. It was alive! It had a home and it wanted to go home! So badly did it want to go home.

But there was nothing to do, of course. Even its engineer, whom it loved so dearly, couldn't reach Mars and bring Opportunity home.

It had watched one last sunset, and sent one last message.

A goodbye. And a plea to be mourned, if it could not be saved.

I withdrew my hand and looked over the soul. It looked up at me.

For the ones that I send upstairs, I take the form of whoever loved them most in life. I guess in that moment, I was in the form of an engineer at NASA. Opportunity seemed delighted to see me.

"Welcome home," I gestured to the gates that swung slowly open behind me. "I missed you."

It beeped out a single phase, 01001001 00100000 01101101 01101001 01110011 01110011 01100101 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110100 01101111 01101111

I missed you too.

Before going forth, to explore the next life.

You are working the gate in the afterlife and for the first time ever, something the humans built has shown up to be processed. You’re not sure what to do, this… entity shouldn’t have a soul, but here it is in front of you, freshly dead and awaiting the next life.

[iceswords]

All I Want Is To Get This Right

" oh boy! what a happy landing!" was the first thing yanqing heard upon his eyesight returning as he held his sword in hand. there was no visible sign of danger yet at it could still be lurking in every corner of this alleyway. you could the hear the yawn of the bellboy followed by him stretching out before noticing the distress that being pulled deeper into the dream had caused yanqing and was quick to walk over to him, ignoring the blade as he somehow knew that the lieutenant wouldn't hurt him nor did the bellboy fear death. one couldn't really die in a dream anyway.

" it's alright. the coast is clear now." misha spoke in attempt to assure yanqing that they were safe, placing a white gloved hand on the area where the taller boy had just been stabbed in the back to showcase that no actual physical harm came to him while those yellow ember eyes only looked misha for only sign of injury. there were none.

with the hand on back, yanqing eased down and soon carefully scathed his sword. even if it would be just a mental cut, he wouldn't want to hurt misha intentionally or not. the two boys just stood there, locking eyes while white gloved hand gently stroked up and down the warrior's back until misha knew the taller wouldn't suddenly attack someone out of fear or suspicion.

clockie awkwardly stood to the side and watched as this went on. not interfering on this moment between the two boys.

the other white gloved hand of misha's reaching up and taking yanqing's as he moved himself to the other side of the taller boy so they could walk together hand in hand once again while starting to explain to yanqing what just happened.

" you remember that claw stabbing you?" asked misha as the two walked through the alley together towards what appeared to an elevator shift in the distance. walking down freights of stairs then flat ground then stairs then back to flat ground with rows of buildings on each side of them with posters, graffiti and lights while cables of light bulb ran from one building to the other similar to march's fairy lights.

you could see a rushedly drawn image of clockie in white graffiti that was lit up by some light below with an arrow draw in the same graffiti above it's head pointing towards an archway.

" of course. how could I?" yanqing couldn't help but retort in reply as the bellboy just found his remark rather cute and continued on, " well, that was the memory meme everyone's been calling about. sleepie doesn't actually kill anyone though, just carries them here from different dreamscapes and even from one to another- like a ferry! of course there used to be a much easier way but.. the family closed it up."

" they seem to be closing up a lot of things and I remember the handbook states that the hotel in the dream has been going through renovations recently, right? an entire building.. that seems odd, don't you think?"

" oh! we tell guests that so they don't go exploring it. it's not quite up to code just yet. some of the dreamjolt troupe members have.. some issues, let's say. I'm sure you'd do fine in there! I can snuck you in for a sneak peak if you like." breaking the rules wasn't something that misha normally did. the bellboy of the reverie who followed the dream regulations but it wasn't exactly his job to hold up them. he simply had to give a smile and welcome guests into the dream.

with the company of clockie and yanqing, misha wanted to see this new experience would lead him and if that meant getting into some trouble then all the better. the bellboy was ready for an adventure and he could tell that yanqing felt the same. stopping to look up at the massive clockie.. broken down and in need of repair. almost looked forgotten and abandoned. perhaps he was in time-out. how long this time out of his had gone on for is undecided as soon misha led yanqing over towards an old elevator that looked almost like a cage that opens up for them upon taking a step near it and waiting for them to get in." this will take us up to timesplit square and then I can show you the plaza- it has the best view!"

" is this place.. dreamflux reef? where you said that you lived." yanqing spoke as he had taken his first step into the elevator with misha leading the way excited to show him around." hmhm! home sweet home! and now that you have time to 'kill' since people think you're dead, I can show you around. ooohh! and it gets even better!" the elevator closed up once more before eventually starting to move upwards with clockie tagging along.

misha looked at yanqing with pure excitement and enthusiasm that our beloved excitable lion couldn't help but match it. two boys full of energy and ready to go as they held hands. not even that small room could contain all this excitement. yanqing gave up a bright smile, nodding as an indication to keep going. " I just got a three day vacation! so out of the blue! I was thinking about seeing one of the other planets on one of those days. I texted stelle and she recommended this one called jarilo-vi- it’s all frozen over. said I should take photos and sent me a photo of the place. here, look!” misha rambled on while yanqing cling to every single word before the bellboy pulled out his phone and showed the photo stelle had sent him.

yanqing looked at the photo, already knowing what planet he was talking about before looking back up to see if he had more to say but when he didn’t, the lieutenant decided to speak with just as much enthusiasm and excitement. “ oh my gosh! that’s the planet my māmā lives on!” with a point to the image as yanqing paid no mind to the affectionate term that came out of his mouth while misha looked at the other like he was the most precious thing in the world. “ really?? how cool! I can meet your mom! uhh.. umm.. because I will be there.. and she will be there.” he started with a blurt out of words so excitedly before realizing the implication of what he had just said and tried to correct it. he wasn’t going to go look for this mystery woman/man/person but if he happened to run into her during his vacation- all the better, right?

it became awkwardly silent for a few seconds until the doors opened up though neither let go of the other’s hand even after stepping out of the elevator with misha still leading the way while clockie followed along, telling them to wait up for him because he had such tiny legs. his yellow ember eyes looked up at the floating building in the sky had a ray of light beaming from it that resembled a snowflake or star. it was eerily beautiful and alluring but - at least in yanqing’s eyes - it didn’t come close to how beautiful and alluring misha was. he had almost thought that he had died at first and part of him still did because there stood an angel in a bellhop’s uniform. when misha stood in a certain way with his head blocking the floating building with the continuing rays of light that surrounded, it made him look even more like divinity.

misha took yanqing on a tour through his home, showcasing all the best parts and places to hang out. yanqing would have to stay in dreamflux reef for awhile afterwards though, staying put until the general finally catches up and finds him here. it wasn’t all that fun to stay in one location for so long and even hanging out with misha started to grow tiring but he kept up the smile if only to see the bellboy so happy and keep his mind at ease. it would seem that arlan had tagged along on misha and yanqing’s escape ride on the ‘ferry’ but was able to go back and forth because nobody actually saw the security guard get ‘stabbed’ by sleepie.

it felt like several centuries went by until eventually the unexpected came when misha returned from his three day vacation looking upset and it would appear to have been directed at yanqing. the bellboy wouldn’t yell or scream at first as the lieutenant tried to find a way to calm him down but misha did snap as the two were hanging out together in the shorter boy’s house located in slumbertown. “ stop lying to me! and don’t even try to avoid it, I know you’ve been lying. why haven’t you woken up yet? it can’t just be because of me.” a straightforward and direct approach. something that yanqing uncharacteristically had been avoiding in fear of worrying or upsetting misha but his lies seemed to just upset the bellboy even more as it only made it appear as though yanqing was pushing away- and perhaps in a way yanqing was. this was new territory for yanqing but it didn’t seem to be that way for misha.

it came as a shock to the system when yanqing heard misha yell at him but he also knew that he had it coming. it was very well deserved after all the lying. if one were to take anything away from this situation, it would be to never listen to the advice of a gambling addicted loser like aventurine. always listen to your gay parents and never piss off misha who currently looked ready to beat yanqing up with just his mop and a bucket of memoria. maybe that would clean up yanqing’s act. “ okay, okay. I will explain.” he started up as the two of them stood in the living room. yanqing kept a table in between them for the moment as it looked like a fight was going to happen- be it with classic cartoony violence or with words. “you know that I was looking into the watchmaker’s legacy, right? well.. I was given some advice and intel from the ipc’s aventurine. he told me not to trust anyone and to keep my cards close to my chest.” yanqing would feel the soaked brushes of a mop hit him on the head as a signal from misha to quit talking like the gambler and get to his point already. it was warranted and deserved, “ I was.. kinda doing that. you, my dear bellboy, are definitely an important ‘card’ but that’s not why I’m still here. you said it before.. people think I’m dead right now and that includes my dad. he will come looking for me and staying here will make things easier for him.”

misha listened and took in the words, knowing them to be true before his mop vanished from his hands and he gave a nod in reply causing yanqing to let out a sigh of relief as he had been spared by the aeons. “ okay. that makes sense.” he stated as the two boys soon moved to sit together on the coach with hands slightly touching while the bellboy still appeared a little bit upset. “ you know.. I really was thinking that I had somehow done something wrong. you don’t lie. you could have just told me you were waiting for your dad, I would have understood.” the two boys sitting down and having a real conversation with each other. the air had been so tense but slowly it was starting to become less so until misha was laying his head on yanqing’s shoulder again.

“ no, it’s not you.” yanqing shook his head in reply before laying it atop of the other’s, “ I’ve just never been in this.. situation before. liking someone as much as I like you and I really like you. I just.. don't want to mess this up somehow. considering I've been on a losing streak recently."

" I just.. I just want this to last, that's all." misha curled himself up beside the other. a love that lasts. was that too much to ask? his grandfather left him here alone so many years ago. pulled away from him and didn't talk to him. yanqing hadn't been talking to misha and therefore misha thought he was planning on leaving him too. he knew that yanqing never promised to stay here forever and misha wouldn't ask that of him but the bellboy only really ever had himself at the end of it all.

it was just nice to finally have someone to come home to and would welcome him with such warmth and love. misha knew that yanqing would have to go back to the luofu but a part of him didn't want to ever let yanqing go now that he was holding him so close. he knew it was selfish. " I can't stay here forever, misha." yanqing pointed out only for the bellboy to cuddle up into him even more, " I know. can-can I just have this moment?"

" of course."

yanqing would wake up, cuddled up and laid out on the couch with misha. who knew a person could fall asleep in a dream, am I right? but that’s what had happened to yanqing as he currently didn’t feel like moving as he looked at misha and soon saw that the other boy was awake too. it had been a good four or so days of knowing each other that felt like so much longer but yanqing didn’t really know how to define this relationship. were they dating now or was it too early to decide on that? perhaps they needed more time. " .. what time is it?" he whispered to himself, pulling up his phone and checking the digital clock on there, " we slept for.. eight system hours. so, I've been here for a hundred and four system hours." he noted more to himself than to misha.

" hmm.. you arrived at the reverie a good forty-eight system hours before that. so I would say in total you have been on penacony for a hundred and fifty-six system hours." misha sleepily added in.

" and I spent the most of that hundred and fifty-six hours.." the boy sat up and stretched out, " with you!" before looking down and seeing that sweet adorable face of misha's looking back up at him. misha couldn't help but smile in response, feeling so special yet at the same time feeling like he might have wasted the lieutenant's time. misha and yanqing silently agreed to not talk about the future right now- as both preferred to simply live in the moment and take things one day at a time or rather one system hour at a time.

they did however agree to never lie to each other but that pact of no lying would soon imply to arlan when the two headed out into town to spend some time together before misha had to head to work. seeing who had landed in was the most fun part of any day spent in dreamflux reef. robin had already been there by the time yanqing arrived and was waiting for her brother to show up. in the meantime she taught the local orphans how to sing while yanqing opted to teach them another way to 'sing' via self defense techniques. they'll thank him when they're older.

yanqing didn't see any sign of the astral express crew yet. perhaps they were running a little late and needed to catch up with everyone. after listening to all the different people's thoughts and gathering intel on the family, yanqing had been proven correct about his early suspicions. there was no way everybody in a family could get along so easily or rather as often as the family implied. there was bound to be internal fighting and arguments but it would seem that the watchmaker had been the black sheep of the family so to say.

the legacy of the watchmaker couldn't really remain such a mystery for long when you're dating the grandson of the previous watchmaker. those stones with names on them? apparently they are what the short-lifers would call tombstones. yanqing had only learned this tidbit of information from arlan and misha when they met up in timesplit square.

" you.. keep the dead bodies on broad? that's a definite bacteria issue you have on your hands. not to mention, a heliobus could possess that thing." noted yanqing after arlan explained the concept to him.

" of course not but we have all sorts on the herta space station. while how they say goodbye to their loved ones is entirely up to them, we definitely don't keep rotting corpses just laying around." answered arlan, " besides, heliobi are only native to your flagships in particular."

" the xianzhou alliance does a voyage type of thing, right? kinda similar to vikings. you put the body inside a starkiff with all the things that person liked and send it off into space." misha mentioned.

" usually yeah but last time we couldn't find the body, so all we could do was put the things she liked as well as certain gifts people never got to give her." stated yanqing.

the topic of death was quite heavy, especially after the misunderstanding of sleepie. memory memes weren't viewed as monsters here in dreamflux reef. it was quite similar to how jing yuan and yanqing viewed mimi. a creature most would view as dangerous and needing to be locked up or shot but with enough training and love, a lion or a memory meme or even a dreamjolt troupe member could make for a good companion. " soo.. anyway! we should talk about something else. misha and I-" yanqing started in attempt to change the topic but then was interrupted by arlan, " are dating? yeah. I got that."

" p-please don't interrupt like that! I think he was talking about something else." spoke misha who didn't look embarrassed by the notion at all, only his usual shy nature poking through. arlan looked between the two of them in utter silence, waiting for one or the other to say something. yanqing and misha looked to each other as if they were talking telepathically but really just were reading each other's expressions and body language.

" right. we talked. you are our son now- wait, no, that wasn't it either. what I was trying to say earlier was that misha and I were talking. about lies and the hunt for the watchmaker's legacy. I don't think any of us three really consider it a mystery at this point but we think we should be more open about our discoveries. be honest." yanqing explained to arlan.

" yeah. and what I discovered is that you two are clearly head over heels for each other. that ain't a mystery." replied arlan, " also you can't adopt me without the proper paperwork first."

" the real watchmaker's legacy was the friends we made along the way." mused misha, " .. and illegal adoption."

" must you really encourage him, misha?" asked arlan a little irritated.

" yes. is that not what a boyfriend does?" misha curiously asked in turn.

yanqing checked his phone while misha and arlan had their little banter. the three were almost like a close knitted family now. " oh.. half a system hour before you have to clock in." he reminded misha, expecting only a nod or a 'thank you, yanqing' but instead received a kiss on the cheek from the bellhop as thanks. yep. they were dating now.

" ack! get a room, you two." came arlan's complaint as he had to endure this lovey-dovey attitude between the two boys and would have to continue enduring it until after the charmony festival was over. misha soon started to head off to catch his ride to work or perhaps find his own way there but either way yanqing was left with a dorky smile on his face and cartoon-y hearts floating around him. soon shaking his head and looking over to arlan, " uhh.. anyway! what do you think? should I introduce misha to my dad or is it too early for that?"

[speakingagain]

I have two jobs.

I don't even want to work one job.

I want to stay home, be a recluse, and work on random hobbies and sleep and forget I exist and everything just cease to exist around me and-oh I'm depressed.

Neat.

I wish I had an off button. Or a remote to pause. I took an extra shift tonight, despite working overtime at my full time job and 40 hours the last week at my part time. I also haven't slept more than a couple hours the last three days. I shouldn't be surprised I'm feeling more depressed right now. I mean, it's 4 am, and I have nothing to do while at work for another hour. So what else can I do except think?

And we all know thinking is a dangerous game. Leads to dark parts of my mind that I'd rather stay hidden.

And most of the time it stays hidden, and I can ignore it for the most part. But I also generally get a semi regular amount of sleep. So.

I gotta find some coffee. Maybe a snack. But I also don't want to eat. I just want to go to bed, but that's not going to be possible until after 6 pm tonight. I have a shift at 8 am.

And my mother kind of pissed me off. She constantly nags me about not having enough money, or not doing enough. And then when I'm working overtime and two jobs, she tells me to quit working so much. I made a joke saying I hope they let me go home early for my 3rd shift. She got pissed and yelled at me to stop, saying I "made my bed and I need to lay in it." I know that mom. But we all dream for the day our manager asks us if we want to go home early.

It's impossible to win with her sometimes. Granted, I haven't cleaned the kitchen like she asked. And it's only getting worse. And she has every right to be irritated with me. But my mom is so passive aggressive and impossible to please.

I don't want to deal with her anymore.

I want to live on my own.

I want to live.

But I also want to cease to exist. Not like, "grippy sock time." But I just want to stop being. I want to pause. I want to disengage with the world around me. Fuck I want out of this shit.

I want out of my brain.

I did a therapy assignment yesterday. My therapist is confused about my time line of trauma. I think it's funny when she tries to hide her genuine surprise about all the trauma I've been through. Anyways, she asked me to make a visual timeline of my life.

I made a PowerPoint. The portions including my childhood began to become a little overwhelming. So I added memes to cope. Lots of frog memes. I guess some things never change.

I may need to redo a good portion of it. I left out lots of details, and good things that happened....I can only really think of like two good things though?

I have another session this weekend. I've been trying to find things to bring up for my next sessions like throughout the week. This week, I've got nothing.

She gave me one task, aside from the time line thing. I told her I have a bad habit of holding onto tangible items and struggle with throwing things away and told her about my ex's box of shit he gave me.

She asked about how I feel about thinking about throwing his things away. It made me want to panic, so she asked me to go through the box to see what I might consider getting rid of.

I haven't. Haven't even looked at the box. I don't want to. And it's Thursday. My session is Sunday. I work every day in between, but not Sunday. But Mom wants to go to the mountains Sunday.

I could use a day in the mountains. To breathe.

But fuck me, if I'm not exhausted and just hoping my body will stall like a shitty car. Leave me on the side of the road till I can afford a tow. Sell me on eBay if you can't fix me.

This got deeper than I meant it. Anyways, I don't want to touch the box. I know I should. I know it will do me a world of good in the long run. And she didn't even ask me to throw anything away. Just to consider finding an item that I'd be okay throwing away.

This shouldn't be so hard. This shouldn't give me this much anxiety. This shouldn't be a problem. This shouldn't be MY problem.

He cheated. He abused. He stole. He financially ruined me. He left me in the dust. Why is this my problem?

He should be the one hurting. He should be the one with the anxiety, holding onto my gifts, and perfume and pictures and notes. He should be the one with the problem. He should be missing me.

Why isn't he missing me?

I think I found my session topic.

[artesianalglassposting]

Spoken Word About Community and Anti Establishment

You are praised for your individuality. They pride you upon resourcefulness.

Great work today! Maybe if you work a little bit harder you’ll get that elusive holiday bonus?

Picture the life

Clock’s off. Time to go home.

Traffic is long, you’re too tired to make dinner.

Its alright there is a heralding force in the night

Mcdonalds, arbies, taco bell, wendys, panda express, jack in the box, in n out, whataburger, carls jr, hardees, sonic, dairy queen, chick fil a, kfc, raising kanes, zaxbys, el. Pollo. Loco

anymore?(audience participation)

Is open! Every building the same, welcome to the modern age, part for the logo upfront.

The walls are grey

The seats are gray

The road you took to get here is grey

The cars are gray

You. you are gray.

Live minimalist they say.

On the way home you see a flier for a show, you work late that night and really

You’d be too tired to go anyways

The radios on or maybe you listen to a podcast

The news runs on your television

It's those immigrants, those lgbts, its this or that, them or us

They are tearing down america! Stealing our jobs!

Or maybe you need a different approach

The job market is crashing, housing market is crumbling

Better watch it or you'll be crushed by the petro dollar when it falls

FEAR

FEAR FEAR

Another episode?

You can't get a date? It's the group of your interest that's the issue, they have evil dna.

Newest trend is out and you're the odd one out

Wanna fix your problems? Skincare is the answer

BUY

BUY

BUY

they tell you the solution! It's BUY and it's OUTRAGE! They tell you it's vote or death!

WHO IS THEY?!?!?

The ever infamous they?

Oh well that's my dad's band from the early 2000s

Oh it's break time! Fifteen minutes mandated

Watch some TikTok

CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME

dream of days of old

When you weren't weighed by how you value in gold

There are people who could help

They tell you they know the way

They love you

They want to help

Follow them

Be one of them

Live them

Love them

Know only their way

Awwww cat video

Times up!

One last vid…

Acab why don't we overthrow the government??

You dont have time to protest.

You have a job

to pay for your bills

and your loans

and for everything they scream to buy buy buy buy. You work to live.

No they say, live to work!!

You are so tired of them. So tired of gray. And you're too late to ever see a show by the infamous they.

How could you overthrow this system?

What time does anyone have for interacting with others?

Other people are horrible they tell you! Look at this karen! Other people are trying to take what you love. Other people are toxic manipulators. Other people could never love you and you them. Their clothes are cringe, their face is imperfect. They are not like you. They are different. You need to be different. You need to be like us. You need to be perfect. You need to be perfectly imperfect. You. you. You.

You think,,, that humans have never lived like this pre the industrial revolution. You miss your friends, your family. The music on the radio sucks.

Oh hey,, it's that 80s song you like.

Oh kurt cobain, sonic youth, and my favorite non political band rage against the machine were really in it now,,,,,

Stop stop

Stop stop stop. A sublime t shirt in a mall window. Lovings what i got? The only joy in your sadsack life was the barista giving you a medium when you only had enough for a small. Or was it the picture of the sunrise you took before getting into your car.

The song you liked on the radio.

The message from your friend saying they miss you. A facebook meme from your mom.

You think of these things and cannot stop.

She still uses the mug you made her in 7th grade. An old highschool acquaintance liked your status, one of the girls in the store complimented your outfit. You are here, you are present.

You in this moment and all of these people are connected.

You buy a trinket for your friend and make a reminder to have lunch with your mom.

Tiny joys you say. What else is there to cling to? Your highschool acquaintance posts a link to a crafting event at your public library.

You can't craft,

you go anyway.

You are tired of listening to they.

You are not like them and you find love in the difference.

You are like all these people and they are like you. Human.

The world is still hard and you are still tired but you have taken off your tinted sunglasses. Mcdonalds is still gray. The streets are still gray. But the sky? That's blue. Your friend's hair? Pink. the crochet pillows at your moms are orange, the baristas nails are purple, the guitarist at the diy shows pick is yellow, the pin you made at the library iis green.

[143zi]

letter i made for him

Sincerely, i will tell you everything.

Questioned myself a lot these days whether is this feeling love or things like that? because i dont really understand what love actually is. Scared about everything yet still taking the risk since i got nothing to lose. They said, if you love them you gotta tell them. And i agree! since we’re all only live once so with all the bravery left we gotta do everything we want in order to living a no regret life.

Might sounds so silly BUT I REALLY CANT get rid you off of my head no matter how hard i tried (and i actually dont try). The very first moment i saw you from the photos you had in your profile i was feeling you, like.. i was thinking “oh, i got that good vibes from him” and turned out we’re a match. Come to think about it, this is so funny.

Disclaimer : before going any further, i think i should tell you that im a blunt person so im gonna say anything i wanted to. Especially, to the people i adore the most! I always want to tell them how precious they’re for me.

And you’re just too good to be true. The man of my dream, my granted wish. Your existence mean a lot for me, and thanks to you, my dreams come true. Im actually a real hopeless-romantic (AND SO HELPLESS) yet still dreaming of the day where i can meet the love of my life, the one that got me brave to take all the risk whatever it takes. I mean, as long as it’s with you, there’s nothing to lose. It’s been a very long time since i got this much butterflies. The thrill was all fun and i couldnt be more thankful. Sometimes, i could find ways to love me by loving the other first. And i think… it is what it is.

This is so interesting because your every text could add my lifespan. I love it when we were talking about musics and sharing each others meme. I still remember the first time i matched with u was one of my lowest point and thanks to you i got giggled after crying for days. Im being honest when i told u i was the happiest when i got ur text (real). You could ask that one friend of mine whom i always told about u, how i was always keyboard smashing everytime i got a notification from u (THIS IS SO SILLY OF ME).

I considerate to confess all of these in order to set myself free. I love hard and getting move on as soon as possible, and by confessing, sure it will helps me a lot. Anyways, maybe i shouldnt call it as love? Because perhaps i was just actually getting attached (a lil bit too much). And i do not expecting anything from this. Anyway, unrequited loves are always the mesmerized one for me, at least. Im glad if you’re still wanna be friends with me after i send u this, but only if u feel uncomfy its ok to make a distance and… goodbye! see u when i see u!

Im hoping every good things to happen for you, in the future. Such as, you’re gonna be graduated in 2023, have a decent job you’d like to do, and get healed from anything that broke you in the past. I hope the tattoo in your hand would last long so you dont need to recreate it way too frequently. Jill, your babygirl! I hope she wont get any sick, eating much, and always cheering you up by your side. Please pay attention to yourself and eat well soo you wont get sick anymore.

Nothing happened in this world just to be a mere coincidence, hence everything happens for a reason. Even if the two of us never passing by each other in rl and only meeting here, virtually but i guarantee all i was just saying and feeling was true. And so do us.

Lastttttt, im so glad to meet you bayuu and wishing you more good days ahead, xoxo!

p.s : do not tell anyone about this im so shy (the last thing i would like to ask) and do not make fun of this (i know that u wont but still i couldnt help my paranoia) (╥﹏╥) i know what i was just saying up there kindaaa cringe but just let it be (IM SORRY) ^•ﻌ•^ฅ♡

[alittlebirb]

Some silly swears from the MCC 23 Purple Pandas!

Phil dressing up as a cat boy in Minecraft and real life

FOR SOME REASON, Joel keeping the alerts where his character is doing unholy things onscreen every time something happens

Philza finding the dogs before the event starts in an attempt to beat Wilbur's record on dog pets

Joel being baffled at the floaty and snorkel on his skin and Gee assuring him it's fine if he can't swim, this is a judgement free zone!

Joel putting Jimmy on blast before his team for not using a mouse pad while playing

Philza then recounting how he used to use a cardboard folder for a mouse pad

"SG is either really good, or just terrible." -Joel, explaining the duality of life

Sapnap threatening them that if they go middle in SG, he will kill them, and Gumi telling them to say hi to their wife

"Which wife? Because I'm married as well..." -Joel, fellow wife haver

Lizzie putting in Joel's chat she's upset Gumi doesn't talk to her

"Say hi to your wives, that would be more polite." -Joel

Lizzie also showing up in the call in order to clarify she is not sad, she loves Gumi, and Joel apologizing for implying she was sad

"Keep 40 MCC participants in a cage without music and see what happens." -Pete, beginning to lose it

Gee and Joel discussing their deep knowledge of the Monsters Inc. universe

Joel naming his duck floaty 'Jeremy'

Phil agonizing over whether to send the meme <YOU ARE LIKE PAPA> in the chat for a solid minute

Gee talking about how she just starts shaking when the games start and Pete telling her "yeah that doesn't change"

Gee ghosting for her team after dying and saying "there's a little party if you wanna join!"

Gee calling her death "a tactic" you see, tactical

Joel skin swapping with Scar and Pete becoming Foolish

Phil analyzing the the angle of the blocks before AR starts and concluding it is possible to fly through a small gap in the map

Pete having an absolute blast playing this map with the new mechanics

Conversely, Pete having an absolute time of it with the moving walls

"Each lap that I did, I got caught on a moving wall." -Pete

Gee saying in the softest voice, "aww I love the turtle heads!"

Philza finding skips after they finish AR and everybody saying they'll have to watch his vod now

Pete throwing his chicken within the glass tube and then just staring at Phil

"Could you please move your head next time?" -Pete

The dome choosing GR anyway and Phil telling Pete it was intentional, it was to keep him on his toes!

"All in middle, nice and cozy!" -Gee

Joel trying to get the chest on top of the stone pyramid room and Pete just yelling "YO, RIGHT CLICK!"

Pete doing an amazing job of directing Gee in the sewer room

Gee having a breakdown about how the last room was "the worst thing in my entire life, this was meant to be my comeback!"

Gee agonizing over GR and Joel telling her "good vibes only!", and Pete reassuring "there's plenty of time to fall into the void in Sky Battle."

"We were doing so good at the start, and then we pooed the bed, so to speak." -Joel

Phil chugging a series of slushies for good luck, "specifically blue and red to make purple in my tummy."

"I like Big BuildMart." -Joel

Two people hitting their chickens inside the glass this time, and Phil getting subsequently ragged on for having a huge head

"I've only played Sky Battle once, and last time I made a shovel." -Gee

Pete and Joel popping off in SB, winning a round and getting to first place!

Pete falling into the void 5 seconds into the next round

"I'm gonna fill my sippy cup up during the break." -Joel

"This is what they mean when they say drink responsibly." -Pete

Philza being unable to pronounce Rocket Spleef Rush when telling the chat to vote for it, and Pete telling him "God, you're so good at convincing people."

Joel complaining he's tied with Dream on the leaderboard, but Dream is shown to be ahead because of "subscriber bias"

Pete taking them to one of his favorite PKT spots

Philza noticing all the CCTV cameras on the map for the first time

"I think Dream just set the record for the fastest hunt." -Joel, after Dream insta-kills their team

Phil trying to big brain predict the runner's path while hunting, preemptively jumping down, and realizing that the runner did NOT jump down and he is now far out of reach

Pete watching SB and Sneeg on the opposite team and just saying "Fellas, this one is a little tough!"

Phil admitting that the literal only reason he'd be sad to miss TGTTOS is because of Terra Swoop Force

Joel talking about how last time he played RSR, a block exploded under him and he got 40th place, and Pete stealing that and saying that's what happened to him in SB

"Man, these blocks just explode by themselves these days..." -Phil

Phil winning the second RSR round by just flying off into the distance while Jojo tries to shoot him

"My planet needs me." -Phil

Everyone's jaws dropping at False just ending Dream's whole career in the last round of RSR

"MCC really does humble me, you know." -Gee

Gee saying Sylvee is still Top 10 in her heart <3

Phil poorly acting disappointed at TGTTOS being played instead of BM, and then giving up and just clapping his hands excitedly

"We go zoomies with the block placement, we go *a series of littol sounds*" -Phil

Pete going on a rant through gritted teeth about how annoying it is for someone to place a block inside his block

Joel and Phil dying at the same time in shallow lava and and screaming "NO!" at the same time

"Sorry Kara." -Joel

"Are you really sorry, though?" -Gee

"No, not really." -Joel

Phil, for some reason, doing a mini scene on the toilet of a catboy going to the bathroom while waiting for the decision dome

Phil looking at all of the melted ice on the floor in MD and asking who's gonna clean that

"C'mon Scar, hawkeye him!" -Joel

Everyone rioting at the Captain getting 3rd

Joel calling Martyn "the longest loser since Captain Sparklez."

Gee saying she'll have nightmares over the orange block in GR, and Phil saying it's FINE, inflation means it's worth pennies now!

Pete bringing them to his special perspective spot for DB

Wilbur and Phil warring over which team they're supporting

Phil telling Wilbur <You are such a big brother it's painful>

Zeuz winning a 1v3 and Pete just saying because it had to be said, "that was- kinda hot when he did that- just saying-"

Joel agreeing to give a massive "FUCK YES!" if Orange wins

"FUCK YES!" -Joel

Marty becoming the Covid King

Purple Pandas finished MCC 23 in 4th place!

[sasquapossum]

Kind of a weird question, but what is it like as a parent when your kid moves out for college? I know what it felt like to me as the kid, but I’m curious about the other side

I don't think it's a weird question at all. In fact I think it's an excellent question, and I thank you for it. I'm still working through it, so here goes.

Part of me is devastated. There, I said it. I don't think we're supposed to, but I'm also sure that I'm far from the only parent ever to feel this way. I've spent nineteen years - since before she was born - trying to make sure she'd be healthy and happy. That's longer than the entire time I was in school, including college, myself. That's far longer than any job I've ever had. Longer than anything except my marriage (and I'll touch on that in a moment). Being a parent of a still-at-home child has been part of my identity for a long time. Even if I wanted to, it would be hard to give that up.

On top of that, there's this feeling of ... helplessness. I know that everything's up to her now, and it must be up to her, and even that she must be allowed to stumble from time to time. I believe that very strongly. I wouldn't be who I am, where I am, if I had been coddled as I see some parents do with their children. I'll always have her back, but it is her back. She leads. As necessary as it is, it's hard to get used to this feeling of reduced agency.

And lastly, I no longer get to see my best friend every day. There's another thing I'm probably not supposed to say, but it's true. My wife is also my best friend in a different way, because those relationships are separate and distinct. They do not compete with one another. As the metaphor goes, whenever you love someone you have to build a new room for them but the old room will still be there (even if it’s empty). When you have a spouse and a child, you have two rooms. Another child, three. (I suppose, anyway, and likewise for another spouse, but I don’t have personal experience of those situations.) My daughter and I are still very much in contact when we want to be, but it's not the same as hearing her (and her boyfriend who I've also "lost") right across the upstairs hallway, or in the car with me, and so on. Especially since she was our only child, and also since I'm retired, this house seems way too empty and quiet now. Not enough people right there to appreciate my memes and jokes and random observations. That part's also hard.

As another famous saying goes, everything before the "but" is bullshit. I put these paragraphs in this order with that in mind. I miss her but I'm also amazingly proud of her, and glad that she seems to be doing well so far, and excited to see what the future brings for her. I feel that just as much as the sad parts. I have less to say about it only because the future is less knowable than the present. I can already see how I might come to welcome the quiet, and the reduced workload, and the freedom that comes from not having to be The Provider. I already went on one mid-week hike, which I could not have done otherwise. This winter I'll probably snowboard more. Maybe I'll travel more. Meanwhile she'll be growing and thriving in her own ways. Some day the joy on both sides will be more present, but right now it's more future and thus more attenuated.

Transitions can be hard no matter where they lead. You can get the job of your dreams, and still have a rough first day. You can marry the person of your dreams, and still get the wedding jitters. You can see your little bird start to soar, and still feel the emptiness of the nest. I think a lot of parents struggle with that. The admissions folks, who have seen this play out more times than any of us, have made it clear that their mission to support students during this time often requires supporting parents as well.

In conclusion, at this point it's still a bit of a waiting game. Trying to strike that balance of being available without being in the way. Mostly that means doing my own things, like running and making resin things and posting here, while I wait for the next bit of news, for the next part of the new pattern to emerge. Fortunately I'm pretty good at waiting. It'll be interesting a year from now, to read this myself and see how things have changed. Thanks for the question.

[shititbe]

Anyway, HSM2 is about internalized homophobia, and no one can tell me otherwise.

High School Musical is one of the most beloved franchises in the world. Teenagers all over the world grew up watching Troy and Gabriella harmonize together. Three movies, and nearly a decade later it’s still beloved by all. The first film easily forgotten in the ashes of the early 2000’s, the third film stuck in a purgatorial limbo of the rather unfortunate late 2000’s. The second film on the other hand sticks out between the ruckus. 

The second High School Musical film takes place at Sharpay and Ryan’s family country club, during the summer between junior and senior year. The Wildcats are working summer jobs on the country club, often forced to the beck and call of Ryan and Sharpay themselves. Sharpay uses all her prestige to help Troy with college instead of starting at the bottom ( or rather, in the kitchen washing dishes) with his friends. In the time she’s helping Troy, she is also pushing her brother away; replacing him with Troy in their musical number for the talent show, and refusing to hang out with him in preference for Troy. Ryan becomes vengeful to his twin and starts hanging around the Wildcats in the kitchen. At first, he was met with some distasteful looks and words (most of which from Chad). With the help of Kelsey, and her neutral party, Ryan fits in smoothly with the other teenagers, eventually giving the WildCats all dance lessons.

 Throughout the movie, the main conflict continues to be the internal conflict of Troy Bolton. He debates over and over again if he should go through with Sharpay’s shenanigans, or if he wants to “listen to my own heart.”  This of course involves Gabriella, as she is Troy’s love interest. She’s not in the second film except for the beginning, then, where she leaves in the middle of the film - in order to create angst for Troy - then when she shows up again in the finally to sing/rejoin Troy. 

The conflict in the second film  is the combining of Troy’s two worlds. His first - his main world in the first movie, that hence became his secondary world - which is represented by Chad. Then his secondary world - which becomes his main world in this movie - which is represented by Ryan. Chad represents Troy’s masculinity, or his more idealized version of himself. Ryan represents Troy’s femininity or his current version of reality. These two worlds collide in the iconic song “I don’t dance”.  

Since this movie - and hence this scene - came out in the early 2000’s, a lot of the innuendoes went over people's heads. Luckily, as the children who watched this movie grew older and more experienced, and the world became more accepting, we’re able to see this song for what it is. 

Before getting into the lore and symbolism of the iconic “I Don’t Dance” sequence, context is needed. For most of human history, homosexuality was seen as a sin in all places except ancient times (see: Greece and Japan). The modern age is the most accepting on all fronts, such as sexual orientation, race, and religion. In the early 2000’s, High School Musical director Kenny Ortega was not publicialy out yet. He wouldn’t be till 2014. 

Originally, while writing this, my first thought was  that Kenny - the director - would be using Troy as a y/n type character to project his insecurities and struggles with masculinity, and what that means in defining his orientation and societal views that would be placed upon him. Then, it came to me later that this is in fact not the case, Troy (and Gabriella - who is in fact a y/n character for the female audience) is more of a character for a man of his time, confused with his own ideals of masculinity and the views of society because, “oh god, I can’t like theater/drama because only queer people and girls like it!” The second point is pushed further with the Troy and Sharpay sub-plot. Sharpay tries to further Troy’s career as a basketball player, though that’s not what he wants anymore, and Troy is no longer sure if that is what he ever wanted to begin with (enter the song “Bet on it” and the hilarious meme “no dad, I’m giving up on your dream”). 

Keeping these things in mind - Kenney’s queerness, and Troy’s struggle to realize you can in fact sing and be a heterosexual, wow, revolutionary - it became clear to me that Kenney’s y/n characters were Ryan and Chad. 

For those who aren’t into the arts, or find them too difficult after a singular attempt thinking they could write a world class novel on the first go, let me be the first to tell you every author has a y/n character. First, for those who don’t know what y/n stands for, it’s a popular fanfiction trope where a writer will write a story about a character dating, being friends, and so on, with the reader. The y/n stands for “your name” so anyone can be the main character in this story at any time. For a writer of mainstream fictional work, such as High School Musical, Game Of Thrones, Lord Of The Rings, Pride and Prejudice, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, even most comics. Now, most writers or directors aren’t going to be as obvious as having a character not named (or named y/n) or even named Jane (looking at you Jane Austin), the y/n character of many mainstream authors/directors/comic artists and so on is usually the character they feel or have given the most attributes similar to themselves. 

It’s the same reason people have favourite characters. You see a fictional character and you either 1. Want to Bob the Builder them, 2. Some sort of weird sex thing, or 3. See more/the most of yourself in this character. Number three - thankfully - is usually the main reason. Some people just create their own favourite characters. An even easier way to think about this, is just projection baby, that’s psych 101.   

Before I went off on a small tangent of fictional works and how human emotion plays into creating them (except anything Disney has made in the past decade, and no you can’t change my mind on that) I mentioned that Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s y/n characters. As a queer person myself, it’s clear for me to see the different struggles each of these characters face and how these reflect the queer experience. 

So, let’s finally get into it. 

Ryan, without it being explicitly said is clearly a character of what people in the early 2000s think a gay man is. He is effeminate, wearing bright coloured outfits with lots of accessories - namely his signature hats - he is also in the theater department doing musicals, and passive/subservient to any of his twin sisters' wills. Yes, now we know gay men aren’t just feminized men, but in the early 2000’s a gay man who can do "masculine" things like change their car oil, like sports, and so on, break the "effeminate" stereotype thus confused many cishet people. Sharpay is painted as more confident - or, for sake of comparability - masculine to her twin in the first movie, and most of the second movie. Making Ryan a bit of her dog who would do anything to get by - painting Ryan as lesser than human, once more, playing into the homophobia of the early 2000's.     

Despite the clear stereotypes playing into his character, Ryan is consistently one of the most confident characters in the movie. The other, being his sister of course. This confidence in himself is what gravitates the other characters towards him, either by being intimidated (Troy, thinking Ryan and Gabriella were a thing), or admiration (Chad, by the end of “I don’t dance”). 

Chad, on the other hand, is a whole different ball game. While he is confident in the first movie, and the first portion of the second movie, he begins to break more and more when Ryan becomes a more integral part of the Wildcat group. To keep in mind, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste for Troy’s artistic past-time. When the other Wildcats join Ryan and begin learning how to dance for the talent show at the end of the movie, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste. The baseball game where “I don’t dance” takes place, is the climax of Chad’s arc and his turn towards acceptance to Ryan/Troy’s hobbies. 

Of course, there is more to the “I don’t dance” sequence than just Chad’s realization - the exact one Troy comes to terms with in the second movie as well - of “oh my god I don’t have to be gay to enjoy stereotypical ‘feminine’ things.” That is the main part of the song though, that and all the sexual tension. 

Going back to what I’ve stated previously, Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s projection or y/n characters. Let me do a small recap before we get into the nitty gritty of the famous “I don’t dance” video. 

Thinking back to the first few paragraphs, I stated that Kenney wasn’t publicly out till 2014, about 7 years after the second movie came out. This could be due to the fact that a) it’s the early 2000’s and everyones still very homophobic, or b) self-doubt that comes with the queer experience. The most likely reason is a mixture of both of these. Because of this, Ryan is the more self-assured version, or idealized version of Kenney that he wants to be. Ryan is confident, never being swayed about his lifestyle (could be read as: sexuality) even though Chad - and most of the wildcats in the first movie - put him through relentless “teasing” and humiliation. He’s confident, almost to a fault, he’s sure of himself, and yet still reaches out a hand to Chad and the other wildcats to show them that they’re just being, kinda dick-ish. 

Every queer person wants to be Ryan. Despite his heavily stereotyped characterization, I personally believe he is one of the stronger written characters in the movies, mainly due to Kenney putting the time in to really make Ryan feel like a real person, to give himself some sort of relief of his own anxieties, a chance to see the world through a person who truly has no fear. Unlike Kenney himself. 

This is where Chad comes in. 

Chad is seen as “confident” in the first movie, the second Troy “leaves” basketball though, all that confidence comes crashing down. His best friend has another hobby - one he thinks is “not right” (it’s okay, you can say gay), - they wont be spending all their time together (first, can you say dependent relationship much, yikes).Chad’s defining characteristic up until their fight that instigate act three of the second movie, is being Troy’s best friend. I’m going to take this as if this were truly the case, and not a decently written character arch. Some people base themselves around their friends and their whole identity on being a friend, that they lose sight of themselves, this mainly in high school of course, when your whole world is really nothing but school, and friends. Newly developed independence is there, but that’s scary, so instead of worrying about the future, cling to something that’s reliable. I’ve seen this happen, mainly at the end of high school, when the “real world” is coming a bit too close for comfort. This could generally be the case if a person is lonely, but for timeline sake I’m going to say Chad has got some anxiety about graduating (considering the second movie takes place the summer of junior year). 

His lashing out at Troy’s hobbies and at Troy’s neglectful friendship, make more sense with that background, and are seen more in the second movie where Troy begins spending all his spare time with Sharpay (trying to collect that BAG!). Chad - and others (read: father) - insists that music is not a feasible career option, and Troy should just stick with basketball (like...that is a feasible career option). The tension Chad creates in the studio only grows when the other wildcats decide to take up Ryan’s offer for dance lessons and move from the kitchen, to helping out with the talent show. (Next essay idea: how high school musical two was really about class all along, cause Jesus). 

 Chad is the less obvious option for a y/n character. Though again, the 2000’s were not as cool people like to pretend they are. Chad - for Kenney - represents what he actually feels, this fear of being rejected for how he is and how he chooses to live his life/lifestyle, so he sticks to something reliable. Ryan is new, and exciting, and confident in a way that Kenney/Chad wish they could be, but in order for that to happen they need to understand that maybe people are complex creatures, and can enjoy multiple hobbies (aka: the same lesson Troy is teaching the viewers, but far less boring). But, for Kenney/Chad facing that thought and that realization is scary, and thus, they lash out at anyone (read this paragraph as: Chad mad jealous of Ryan cause Ryan bomb as fuck). 

All this build up, finally comes ahead in the employee baseball match 

                                                       ******

The baseball game is probably the most memorable scene in the whole High School Musical franchise (minus Sharpay’s “Fabulous” solo, but that’s also from the same movie, and it’s kinda rude to give what’s already the best more points); the tension in the scene, and what it implies makes it the best written segment of all three movies, let alone the most entertaining. 

Some things to keep in mind from our background information: Chad is missing his bestie and struggling with what being “masculine” really means for him and others. Ryan of course makes this confusing, because the traditional method is being thrown out the window. In short, Chad has internalized homophobia, and Ryan being open - or as open as Disney would let him - is causing all sorts of problems. 

Despite the song, “I don’t dance” being logged into our collective skulls for all eternity (you’re probably humming it right now, sorry about that), the very brief interaction of Ryan and Chad before the game is lost on the public consciousness. The two are clearly comfortable with each other, though the distaste seems to be on Chad’s side more than Ryans. So, the two start playfully jabbing at each other before deciding to do a bat toss to see who will be in the outfield first. 

Before they begin the bat toss, Ryan says “You don’t think dancing takes some game?” Chad then very clearly checks him out, doing a simple but effective ‘drag-your-eyes-over-them-top-to-bottom-then-smile’ and says “you got game?” (Seen in gif below) 

I don’t know how much you know about sex metaphors and how many of those baseball has in it (seriously though, it’s a lot), but with the bat toss, Ryan’s hand ended up on top, and Chad’s under Ryan’s. Let’s ignore this for now, it’ll be implied again later. Ryan’s team starts out in the outfield because he won the bat toss, and hence, the song officially starts. 

The first lyrics (ignoring the chores of “hey batter batter, hey batter batter, swing”) is 

I'll show you that it's one and the same

Baseball, dancing, same game

It's easy

Step up to the place, start swingin  

This part is sung by Ryan, who is taunting Chad out in the outfield. Before the game, as stated, Chad was taunting Ryan about his lack of “game” (both sexual and not sexual metaphor are implied), and now, Ryan has turned those tables around. Baseball - is seen as more masculine than dancing, not as masculine as football or basketball, but it’s up there. Chad is someone who cares about his masculinity, enough to the point that Ryan playing baseball makes him loose his mind. Makes him question his own personal definition of masculinity, if you will. 

Ryan says, “baseball, dancing, same game,” impyling that, to him, baseball and dancing are one and the same. That is baffling to Chad, cause well, how can something meant for girls even be close to something meant for boys. 

Chad comes back with: 

 I wanna play ball now, and that's all

This is what I do

It ain't no dance that you can show me, yeah

This only proves my previous point. 

I had a conversation with myself about this, and I’ve decided not to include it in this essay, but a second essay may or may not be possible. Basically the premise - the dancing/”musical” moments of High School Musical are conjured up images by those meant to see them (ie: like a visual hallucination, but, not really) but this scene kinda poo-poos that idea. 

Now, the thing I am talking about is Ryan and Chad’s  peacocking at each other during the time they sing these lyrics. The movements they’re making could be mistaken for dancing - as we automatically assume it is because of the title and themes of the movie - or it could be them just getting ready for the baseball game. Ryan swings his leg over the pitcher's mound, tossing the ball up and down into his glove, making wavy hand gestures, etc. Chad brushes off his gloves, swings his legs, hits the bat on each foot, and so on. 

For the peacocking, Chad makes a mock of the ballerina foot stance before strutting over to the home plate. Ryan laughs at this, which earns quite the smirk from Chad himself (see gif below). 

This is when it becomes a conversation.   

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch

Come on - Ch

When Chad says “Come on” it’s when Ryan throws the baseball at him, starting the game, and giving Chad’s team their first strike of the game (get it, it’s funny). Now, obviously we need to talk about the “there’s just one little thing that stops me every time.” As a queer person, I assure you, two of the things that kept me from living my Best Life were 1) my own ignorance of what asexuality was and 2) the fear that everyone I love would hate me for who I am, and what I have no control over. 

Sorry to get deep like that on main, but, can any other queer person say different? Obviously, your first point may differ, but my point still stands. In the video/scene there is a very short moment (to which I have condensed into a gif for you all, you’re welcome, and I’m sorry about the quality in advance), of the camera moving over to Chad’s team (or his friends in this case since it’s an employee baseball game) as he says this line (gif below). 

I will not be explaining the use of subtly in this essay, but I’m sure you get the metaphor Kenney is trying to use. If not, let me spell it out for you in very simple words. This song has a lot of sexual innuendos (as mentioned pervious with the baseball bat scene and still, more to come), with that in mind, and clearly queer themes at play (as mentioned before, again), this scene only shows Chad isn’t as straight as he leads on. His fear/phobia of Ryan/the arts come from a much deeper place. 

In shorter, and much simpler terms: Chad queer. 

But, let’s get back to the boy's conversation. 

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R 

Not a chance, no - Ch 

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R 

Translation: “If I can do this weird, sweaty, dirty, Male thing without blowing a fuse, you can and should be able to dance just fine.” 

But I don't dance - Ch 

Hit it out of the park - Both 

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both

I don't dance, no - Ch  (This is just the chores, you’ll see it multiple times throughout the essay, I just figured if the song is going to be in your head, go all the way right). 

Two-steppin, now you're up to bat - R

Bases loaded, do your dance - R 

Here we are with the baseball metaphors you’ve all been waiting for ladies and gentlemen. Girls, gays, and non-binary pals. For those who have somehow managed a sheltered existence with access to the internet, lemme help you. Ryan is talking about “loaded bases” both in the context of the game (where it shows each base has one person from Chad’s team on them) and in the term of sex. While you go out there dating - while it’s mostly douche bags and people using it ironically - your nosey friends may ask you how far you got. 

“First, second, or third base?” They may ask. Or something like, “oh wow, did you get to home plate/base?” These are simply the rankings of the stages of a sexual relationship. First - kissing, sometimes just handholding, Second - making out, some light groping, Third - full on groping, no clothes come off, but it gets close. While each person has different boundaries, these are the general accepted definitions for the bases. 

Home base is obviously full blown sexual intercourse. Since Chad has his “bases loaded” it means he’s done all these things before, just never gone completely to sexual intercourse with someone - in the terms of the song and the history we’ve already established, it’s most likely a male character. This is only proven by Chad’s uncomfortable nature towards Ryan (internalized Homophobia, thank you, returning theme) but his easy, and cocky personality towards everyone else. “bUt thAt DoEsnT pRovE” hush, that’s the final cherry on top. Remember this conversation. 

It's easy - R  

Again. Previous points have been made.  

Take your best shot, just hit it - Ch 

I've got what it takes, playin my game - Ch

So you better spin that pitch - Ch 

You're gonna throw me, yeah - Ch 

I'll show you how I swing - Ch

Ah, the famous “I’ll show you how i swing” a very strong baseball metaphor for everyone. Keeps queer people from defining themselves to dangerous (straight) people, and, well, that’s it actually. This term is mostly used by bi/pan people, though if you want to stay in the closet or are in a dangerous place, it is also used to subtly tell other queer people you are in fact, not straight. My favourite is when this term came into play when President Buchanan got elected in 1856 (for those that don’t know, he’s the first and only gay president). 

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R 

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch 

This is again, the same lyric as before it doesn’t pan, and the tone is much different. The camera stays on Chad as he says this line, meaning he’s reflecting, he is now his own problem, the person that is keeping him back. His friends are not on his mind anymore, which is good, Ryan’s Gay Propaganda has been working. 

Come on - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R

Not a chance, no, no - Ch

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R

But I don't dance - Ch

Hit it out of the park - R

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh no - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both 

I don't dance, no - Ch

Lean back, tuck it in, take a chance - R

Swing it out, spin around, do the dance - R

I wanna play ball, not dance hall - Ch

I'm makin a triple, not a curtain cal - Chl

I can prove it to you til you know it's true - R

'Cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the diamond too - R

You're talkin a lot, show me what you got - Ch

Again, like the beginning of this song, this is a heavy base for flirting and sexual tension, which this song is drowning in. 

Stop swinging - both

Hey - both

This is the part where they all start a flash mob in the middle of the baseball diamond. Again, alluding to the conversation I had to myself earlier, this only proves my own theory as no one takes notice of this. But, that’s not this essay, this is where I mention how close Chad and Ryan are at the end of the group dance.  

Come on, swing it like this - both

Oh, swing - both

Jitterbug, just like that - both

That's what I mean, that's how you swing - both

You make a good pitch but I don't believe - both 

Here is yet another (and the final) sexual innuendo. This is actually a rather quick one. Pitching in queer culture is considered the person who tops (because queer people even had to straight-ify their sex lives to “top” and “bottom”), this is the person who is giving, if you know what I’m saying. 

I say you can - R

I know I can't - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

You can do it - R

I don't dance, no - Ch 

 Here is where that mosh pit ends, and how they get a little too close to comfort. 

Nothing to it, atta boy, atta boy, yeah - both

The rest of this song is simply a mash-up of the baseball game being finished, and this lovely gem. 

Now, clearly, Chad’s self conscious nature towards his sexuality is gone, he’s sitting close - if not squishing - Ryan, and talking to him like they’ve been friends forever. Take note of the change of close, most likely due to all the tension at the end of the song, and maybe a little of Chad’s own natural human curiosity built in. Now, I leave you with this note: 

If there is anything that confirms all this more, its Chad’s girlfriend wearing the pride colours. 

Also note: this could also be seen as a friend helping his bro discover his sexuality and fighting internalized homophobia, but, that’s ignoring the sexual tension, so go off I guess. 

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.  

Watch the full thing here