#anyway enough of this madness i need to sleep

[cillianmurphysdimples]

A female Y/N / Cillian fanfic (Part Thirty Two)

Absolutely not based on anything real at all, all totally fictional, fanciful and all total bollocks.

Warnings for sexual references and language. Adult themes. Not suitable for under 18s.

We Got Issues

Part Thirty Two: Cillian is keen to ensure Y/N takes it easy, wanting her to be as calm as possible. They agree that his sons need to hear the news from them - and soon. But Y/Ns suggestion for doing that surprises Cillian a little when both of them find it difficult to sleep. Y/N tries to ease the tension, but she voices a feeling Cillian had always known she feels. [Angst/Anxiety & Fluff/Sexually suggestive]

@cherry-cilly @dragonsneversharetheirtreasure @aesthetic0cherryblossom @meister95 @vivianleighwishesshewasme @watermeezer @strangeions @borntodiemp3 @lavender-haze-01

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“You need to relax. I'm annoyed about it, and we need to talk to Mal and Aran sooner than later, but what's more important to me right now is that you calm yourself down.” Cillian says, his hands on your biceps in the middle of the kitchen. He's been home an hour. Cuddles and welcomes have long since passed, and the obligatory cup of tea has been drained. It took you twenty minutes before you raised the article, and a further five minutes before you cried. “We've time enough to talk to them, and sure now I'm at home there'll be no more, but I think we should talk to them before the scan. I know you're iffy on that, but I think they're going to need the time to process it too. And Yvonne. I mean we're only after telling them we're not having a baby, and we've to go back on that now.” He moves his hands and wraps them around you, pulling you in against his chest. “I know it's scary. But we've got to do it.” 

“It isn't just that.” You sigh, sniffling your sobs down. “They printed things about us, Cillian.” 

“Yeah,” he inhales as he mutters the word. “And didn't I tell you they would?” You can hear in his tone he's not fishing for points to score, but you feel it anyway. “It's a shitty article, by a shitty group of so-called journalists. And there'll be more, about whatever the fuck they want to write. But we're having a fucking baby!” You can hear his small laugh through his ribcage. “And they're scumbags, and it'll be fucking shit, and it's exactly what I didn't fucking want - but we're having a fucking baby, Y/N. I'm happy. I'm shit scared to tell me own kids, but I'm happy.” 

“I don't want to hurt your boys, Cill. They're going to be…,” you sigh and push up against his chest. “They're going to be so mad, hurt, they're going to think we lied to them.” 

Cillian takes a deep breath, “Maybe they'll be all of those things.” He nods, “But they're going to have a brother or sister in a while, and that's not going to change because they feel whatever they do. I don't want to hurt them either, ever. But this is my family too. You and that baby.” You're aware it might sound cold to others, but to you it's what you need to hear. This is his home, his life, his family. It's not erasing his sons at all, but this is the immediate life he lives now. 

“And telling Yvonne?” You raise your eyebrows, and your heart flutters as you say her name. 

“Yeah,” he drags his mouth to the side and frowns, “That's going to be a fucking mission too.” he sighs and shakes his head. “But it's nothing to do with her. It's the boys that matter. She deserves to know, of course, and hear it from me, but that's as far as that loyalty goes.” It's an amazing string of words to hear him say, soothing so many of your anxieties if just for a while. “What she thinks doesn't matter. Like I said, it's the lads I'm worried about. But this is happening regardless. There'll be a cot, and a pram, and fucking…pumps and nappies and dodies.” He smirks. 

“Dodies?” You repeat. 

“Yeah, the wee dummies.” He grins. 

“We called them dadoos when we were small.” You chuckle. 

“Dadoo?” He laughs, “Where the fuck did youse pull that name outta?” 

“Same place you got dodie, you big freak.” you swat your hand against his chest, and sigh to try and feel calmer. “Fuck, Cill, why can't this just be simple, like every other couple, having babies? Why did I find you when I did?” 

He smiles softly, but he looks sad. “Cause that's when I needed ya.” 

You feel an emotional swell at his words, and your chin quivers, “Oh, love.” You bring your hand up to his cheek. “When do you want to do it? Tell them?” You bring your hand down again and rest it back on his chest. 

“After Christmas?” He says, brows raised. “Or do you want to do it before? I only say after so it's peaceful fucking Christmas.” He scoffs. 

“They're your boys, it's your decision when.” You tell him. “I'll support whatever you decide.” 

Pursing his lips, he nods slowly, then sighs heavily. “I'll think about it.” He whispers, and pulls you in closer again. He rests his cheek on the top of your head and holds you tightly. “Will we get dinner?” He asks, swaying you slightly from side to side. 

You wrinkle your nose, though he can't see it, “Like what?” 

“Spin down to the chipper?” He suggests. 

“You go,” you shake your head and slowly pull yourself from his arms. You would stay there - it's comfortable, and intimate, and you're so glad he's here - but the mere suggestion of food is turning your stomach. “I don't want anything.” 

“I won't get a feed without you,” he raises his eyebrows. “Will you not have anything? Will I cook?” 

“No, love, you're just in the bloody door.” You shake your head. “Go and get your chips, don't eat them near me,” you laugh, “Then we've the whole night.” 

“To sleep, I hope?” He grins. 

“God, yes,” you sigh with a laugh.

You wake up with a sudden jump, and you're not sure why. You can't recall a dream, but suddenly you're awake and you're cold. You turn onto your back and instantly realise that Cillian isn't there. Shifting to retrieve your phone, you check the time - just gone three am. You throw your legs from the bed and sit up, shivering in the chilly room. Cillian's hoodie from the day is thrown over the chair in the corner, and you grab it and instantly snuggle yourself into it. You push your feet into your Ugg slippers and slip from the room, not being too quiet. As you step down the stairs you can hear the TV, and there is the glow of a light from down there, too. You brace your hands as you walk down, and land at the bottom feeling even more cold than upstairs. “Hey, what're you doing?” You ask, catching sight of Cillian on the sofa. He's laid out across it on his front, head against a cushion in the corner and legs stretched down, arms tucked up beneath the small cushion. He's wide awake, glasses on, and watching the TV. He shifts his head slightly and looks at you, pushing his lips into a pout. He looks tired and you're not sure if it's because he hasn't slept and is flagging, or because he hasn't been up long and is still exhausted. 

“Watching Interstellar.” He says and sniffs. He draws his hand from under the cushion, clutching the controls, and pauses the film. “What are you doing?” he asks, and yawns tightly. He doesn't sit up, but he snuggles his head against the cushion a little. His cheek is pushed up and it makes his lips look fuller. 

“Standing here, looking at the teenager laid out on the couch.” You say and smile when he scoffs a small laugh. “You couldn't sleep?” 

“Ah,” he tuts. He shifts around and finally pushes himself up. He sits into the corner of the sofa and bends his left knee up, foot planted into the seat. “Just a bit wired I think, thinking about how to talk to the lads.*

“We just have to tell them, love. Like you said, and you were right, we're going to have a baby regardless.” You reassure him, though you're still so nervous about all of it. “We can't control how they'll think or feel, but at least it'll come from us and not some wank-page report they get sent or find themselves.” 

“Wank-page,” he mutters, smiling a little. He removes his glasses and folds the arms in, then tosses them down onto the sofa beside the TV controls. You watch as he fidgets, filled with an anxious energy. His tongue swipes around his mouth and his fingers flick and tap against his raised leg. 

“Go,” you say, wondering if you'll regret it. 

He frowns at you and his tongue stills. “Where?” 

“In the garden - I admire that you're trying to do what I wanted, but I can see you're struggling. Go and have a bloody cigarette.” You push your hands into the pocket of his hoodie you're wrapped in. 

“I'd the last one at the airport, waiting on the taxi.” He says, then purses his lips. You're almost happy to hear that, but you also know that after weeks back on high doses of nicotine, he's going to be a little grumpy. “C'mere,” he says. He pushes his legs down and holds his arm out to welcome you in for a hug. You smile as you walk over and curl in against his side. His arm immediately wraps around you. “I was thinking,” he says and you want to make a joke about smelling smoke, but you hold off. “Will we give the baby an Irish name?” 

“We don't even know what it is yet,” you smile, but it occurs to you that you've been so wrapped in your anxiety that the thoughts of cute things like that had been pushed far away. 

“I know but, like, I'd want an Irish name.” He says quietly. “A wee Oisín or Ciarán, or a Caoimhe or Róisín.” 

“We could have twins, Róisín and Oisín.” You laugh a little. 

He tuts, but he's smiling. “When I read the article I wanted to ring the boys there and then and just tell them. Say, look lads we're having a baby and that's what's happening. You know? And then I didn't want to hurt them, and I still don't. Like, I know what they're going to think. They're going to think we lied about it. And that's what's fucking eating me, you know? I love ‘em, they're my best friends, and-and I don't want to hurt them or push them away further. Malachy's in such a good place with us now, and after talking with Aran I know he feels better. I don't want to fuck that. But Y/N, having this baby with you feels good. I know what I said before and I know we went through the shit over, but I'm happy it's happening. I am. I promise you. But all the shit - the kids, the press, Yvonne, the reactions from every fucker around us… I'm scared of all that.” 

It scares you a little that he's echoing your fears, but it's good to know you're not alone in them. But you know you're on your own in the fear that somewhere in the midst of this pregnancy, he's going to flip his ideas again. “We should tell the boys before Christmas.” You say. “Let's have a couple of days, you and me here at home, and then we can have them over - the boys and Yvonne. Tell them all together.” 

Cillian turns his head a little and you look up. “You want to do that?” He sounds surprised, happy maybe, and you nod your head. 

“We have to.” You say quietly. “Sooner rather than later, it has to be said and it has to be before any more shit like that article is produced.” You sigh heavily, “And then after the scan, after we know everything is okay… then we tell everyone else that needs to know. Your family first.” 

You can feel the vibrations as he laughs, “Ah, fuck, Páidi's going to have an opinion or two.” 

“He's your little brother, he's supposed to!” You smile. You wrap your arm around his slight waist and snuggle closer. “I am so fucking glad you're home.” 

“Me too,” he hums, pulling you closer. 

“It's been no fun fucking myself.” You laugh, breaking the heaviness in the air. 

“Ah stop,” he throws his head back against the sofa, chuckling lightly. Then he laughs a little more, “I'd the earphones in on the plane, and that song came on, you know the one Afternoon Delight?” He pauses as he giggles again. “Just made me think of you recently.” 

“I googled it,” you say, “Pregnancy and wanting to fuck all the time. Apparently it only happens when your partner is Cillian Murphy.” You tease, and he laughs again. “It's just a good job I'm already pregnant because it's that fucking feeling I like… feeling you just spilling inside me.” You shake your head and know you need to stop, you're only egging yourself on here. “We'd be in serious trouble otherwise.” 

“Stop talking,” he sighs and shifts. “... Jesus.” 

“You're alright,” you laugh, “I'm too tired to ride you like I want to. But I swear, Cill, we're destroying the sofa in the next two days. I need that out of my system before I stand in front of the family I destroyed and tell them we are having a baby.” 

He laughs awkwardly, his whole body shaking as he does, and he tightens his arm around you more. “Y/N, you didn't destroy anything. I've told you this so many times, I know you know. I wanted that marriage over.” 

“Would you have left if we hadn't spent that year sneaking around?” you ask. You've asked before and you know what he'll say, but it never clears your fears for long enough. 

“Yes. We were falling apart, Y/N. The only thing you did was show me it would be okay to do it. You didn't ruin anything.” He reassures you, but you know that he knows that will always be how you feel. “And I'll tell you once more, but I won't remind you again - whatever happens, I love you.” 

[virsancte]

proud inventor of the resting bitch face

[13reasonstoeatthatcake]

I really want to know how Lilith Sorrengail feels about trying her best to get her youngest daughter away from whatever it was that her dad supposedly found in the Archives after Brennan 'died', just to get said daughter even more involved with the tyrrish rebellion two: electric boogaloo.

[brionysea]

I still have no idea if karen wheeler is even aware of el's existence as mike's girlfriend. do they think her name is el or jane?

[icewindandboringhorror]

finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh

[lycorid]

Sometimes venturing onto the For You side of Twitter sparks joy.

Based take. Shoujo and Josei are fucking top notch, both in characters and art style (how can you not think they’re beautiful?)

“Ruined the JJK and MHA fandoms” is WILD. I avoid fandoms for the most part (except perusing tumblr for the occasional fucking thesis women write about character motivations i love you women <3) because they usually suck. Seriously, I kept up with OPM for a bit because it was entertaining but holy shit the subreddit (very much full of men) is literally just… sexy woman. More sexy woman. Memes about artist constantly drawing sexy woman. Memes. Occasional power scaling arguments. Low quality page colorings of the exact same page. There is NOTHING. How the hell can women ruin the fandom when the fandom IS the women?!

It’s the women creating in depth analyses on characters; it’s the women writing fanfiction, creating doujinshis; it’s the women creating fandom centered accounts; it’s the women buying every new merch piece that comes out AND giving free advertising by posting about it online. And then men will go on and rag on women for doing all these things. It’s infuriating.

Longevity of a series is also something these idiots ignore. Seriously, look at Katekyo Hitman Reborn. The manga ended in 2012 and the creator is working on a different series. Katekyo Hitman Reborn still gets regular merch releases. This is a series that ended over a decade ago and still has an incredibly dedicated fanbase of, I wonder who, that regularly spends enough money to keep it consistent. You cannot look me in the eyes and tell me that series is supported mainly by men. I do not care how hard Amano Akira tried to alienate her female fans with her treatment of the female characters you know exactly whos spending the money based on who is constantly getting merch (minus the titular character, because of course he has to be there.)

Honestly I don’t give a damn that fandom can often be absolute insanity; you get a group of people together and it’s always going to be a shitshow, that isn’t unique to fandom, people just like to pretend it is because as always, there’s an undercurrent of misogyny because people know women carry that shit but they only want to acknowledge it when they can use it to criticize them.

I love that she came for the JJK fandom as well. I’ve been following the series because honestly it is really fucking funny because it is the epitome of shounen tropes. The author literally baked them into the world. Explaining your abilities to the opponent makes them stronger. So this entire series you get giant pages of just white with text explaining every little fucking thing like theres a narrator standing over your shoulder making sure you can’t possibly miss anything on the first read. Fuck dude, I don’t mind exorbitant amounts of text in my manga, but you cannot be serious in pretending that is good writing. There’s a deus ex machina that every character can pull out of their ass called a binding vow. Black flash also falls into this category.

Hell, the latest arc has literally just been flashback after flashback playing during the battle of the characters forming a bunch of plans in preparation for the fight we currently are following. This is genuinely one of my most hated tropes. The characters just get off screen power ups that then get handwaved as “well we showed you the flashback right?” there is NO anticipation, any excitement you feel for the battle is purely manufactured rather than genuine. It’s not “I can’t wait to see how the growth I followed of these characters affects the battle” it’s “wow, what cool ability will they pull out of their ass next?” I hate it I loathe it and it’s even worse with emotional moments. Why couldn’t you write this into the story in the first place? Why are you giving it to me in a shitty flashback?

Maybe I didn’t explain it well enough because I launched into a rant. The reason I hated it so much is because it forced the reader to be an observer rather than an active participant in the manga. Everything is spoonfed to you. You don’t need to reread the chapters over and over to put together the pieces on how, where, and why each action took place, the author does that for you. You don’t see everything from a new perspective when you read it a second time, catching lots of things you may have missed because you’re not allowed to miss anything the author deems important.

I enjoy this manga. There is good things about it. But it is nowhere near the god manga (“kamige” would be the term if it was a visual novel; I don’t know a manga equivalent) men like to pretend it is. It genuinely seems like they think everything being explained every page is good writing.

Based and succinct.

Anyway, you shouldn’t restrict yourself from experiencing specific genres because they’re for “the lessers” because that’s actually fucking cringe and maybe you should touch a Josei manga, or even a Shoujo manga. Maybe it’ll open your eyes and you’ll realize, hey, women’s media is actually- oh who the fuck am I kidding just pull the trigger.

[byanyan]

ough i was awake until almost 9 this morning with stupid fucking jaw pain so i got like 5 hours of shitty inconsistent sleep and i want to just curl up on the floor n disappear (or cry. both would be fine tbh)

[gyrovagi]

i'm actually too softhearted to commit to the implied unplayed warden/inquisitor origins dying when it comes to my family member pairs. it makes me too sad with sang and eloy and my lavellans and it's way more fun for caden and r to be able to interact with each other. However the thing is that ga-kei insisting on coming to the conclave instead of sending his youngest brother off alone, then that same protective instinct prompting her to interrupt corypheus while ga-sun stays safely concealed, causing him to be killed in the blast as a result, does compel me. this was exactly what they came to try and prevent. and it provides insane additional context for the later solas divorce and trespasser reveal. your mistake killed my little brother and now you're telling me you're going to end the world. i love my boy but it compels me

[lesbiansanemi]

Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle

[seventh-district]

.

[cuteniaarts]

Post-recovery Summiya concept sketch :)

[smalleevee]

entering day five of having covid for the third time and i am starting to feel like a rabid animal trapped in a small cage

[dontflirt]

the kpop space is so tiring

[phagodyke]

opening my drafts to see the vent post i made earlier but saved bc I had more to say but had to go do smth else and umm. probably for thr best I didn't post in the end but also I stand by that I was right to be pissed off🧍‍♂️everyone shut up

[uitzinnigmp3]

.

[guinevereslancelot]

not me forgetting i switched shifts with a coworker and showing up an hour early for work ✌️😌