#anyway end of soapbox

[hindahoney]

i've been getting more into judaism after being raised jewish. i was never bat mitzva'ed, so im wondering if i should do that? also wondering what other steps to take.

Well, I have great news! You don't need to have a bat mitzvah, you are a bat mitzvah! If you would like the celebration, you certainly can have one, but it isn't necessary.

I didn't grow up with really any Jewish observance, so I was essentially a complete beginner when I decided to connect. So, my suggestions come from personal experience and the experiences of some others I know who are baal teshuva.

Some more steps you could take to foster a stronger relationship with your Judaism is first to reach out to your local rabbi, and see what events or classes their shul has going on. Showing up to these opportunities can open doors to figuring out what feels right for you, and I've found that making friends who are at a level of observance that you strive to be at can inspire you to keep learning. If you get in touch with a rabbi beforehand, they could probably arrange to have you meet with someone who can show you around and introduce you to people. While this can be really intimidating at first, believe me when I say that many Jews will be happy to help you and won't pass judgement. Many Jews have been in your shoes, you're not alone.

Or, you can pick a few different shuls and just go to each one until you find one that feels right for you. Don't feel pressured to commit to one over the other. Don't get bogged down by the labels of movements. If you have a personal goal in mind or a certain aspect of observance you want to do, just start doing it, even if it feels awkward at first. Over time, it'll be easier. Find some local study groups, or join one online! During quarantine I joined a Torah study group from a shul hundreds of miles away from me. They didn't care that I'd never step foot in their shul before, they were just happy to have a fresh face who wanted to learn. You could also try Partners In Torah, which is a website that can connect you with a chavruta.

Chabad is always a great option for those who are looking to deepen their relationship with Judaism because they always have resources specifically for people looking to reconnect.

If you live in a place with a significant Jewish population, you could find a Young Jewish Professional's group that can introduce you to more people.

I would recommend getting a siddur with Hebrew and English, if your Hebrew is shaky. I would also recommend starting to read the parsha every week, or starting the Tanach from scratch and reading it like any other book. I suggest The Living Torah and The Living Nach by Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan because the translations are in modern terms and easier to read, and they have commentary by Rashi. I also can't recommend enough Joseph Telushkin's books Biblical Literacy and Jewish Literacy, they're incredibly comprehensive guides to living a Jewish life by forming a strong Jewish educational foundation. Seriously, I've mentioned these books a million times on my blog because I love them that much.

Also, you could just start small! Saying modei ani in the morning when you wake up, saying hamotzi or the birkat, or even just saying Shema before bed can be a great way to start the process of opening up.

This last recommendation might be a little out there, but I think that doing some traditional Jewish cooking or baking can help motivate you to keep learning. This is how I started. I bought a few kosher cookbooks and just started making anything I had the ingredients for. It's not necessarily a "standard" way to connect, but my soul felt like it was reaching through time and space and connecting with all the Jews before me who had prepared and eaten the same thing.

As always, if anyone else has suggestions for anon, the more the merrier! I want to express my sincere excitement for you. Enjoy the journey you're on, don't be so caught up on "but I wish I was more observant this way" or "I'm not Jewish enough in this way" because it's all nonsense. Reconnecting is an amazing and life-changing experience, so enjoy the path that you're on, not necessarily the destination. When I first started, I was so insecure about how much I didn't know and worried others would judge me, but I found most people genuinely just want to help. Learning was exciting, and in some ways I'm envious of all the new experiences you're going to have. I would have enjoyed it a lot more had I just relaxed and accepted that it's okay not to know things yet.

Good luck!!

[sparring-spirals]

I was initially clipping this to capture the overwhelmingly accurate, absolutely devastating hilarity of "you went for realistic, and sadly, you nailed it". And then just kept recording because I really fucking love the discussion about how to balance the line between like:

You are trying to tell a story that feels good and gives you the kind of lift you might be looking for in an explicitly fantasy story,

vs

How to ensure it still feels grounded and rewarding in a way where you can "bring this good feeling back to earth" at the end.

Like they're talking about TTRPG's but they clearly make parallels to other forms of storytelling/worldbuilding mediums, like movies, and. like. Yeah. Yeah.

Like the framing of "you really recreated the feeling of powerlessness..." and wanting the fantasy element to manifest in there being the clearer, straightforward ways to solve complex issues, vs trying to ensure that you can have a victory and it feels feasible and substantial and applicable in some way, and has something you can take out of the fantasy world and hold with you back on "terra firma".

Its tricky! Its a tricky thing to balance, and I don't think there's a single "right" answer nor should there be because it depends. It depends on the story, and the intent, and the setting, and the medium, and etc. Big fan of this framework to explain it.

[mssallsunday]

mouthwashing features a mc who rapes and impregnates a woman and then crashes a spaceship full of innocent people to cover that fact up when the news gets out to the ppl she confides in and the captain tells her her assaulter wouldn't do that because he "knows him" and the mc pretends like it never happened as he is haunted by the images of his lies and deceit and cowardice and the image of his unborn child and the sound of a child's cries and the captain who failed to act cannot move himself or feed himself or speak for himself or defend himself when the mc attacks him and berates him and blames him for every lie he's ever told as the captain loses every scrap of autonomy he has left. but yeah it's about fucking. capitalism and yaoi. whatever i guess

[benjaminrydersnest]

Honestly fuck attention-killing culture for normalizing the cutting of “fluff” and “filler,” fuck it for forcing 1-3 line “hooks,” fuck it for making it feel like people adjusting for it have to dial back vitally important characters and arcs just to capture attention.

I don’t care what the “norm” is. I’m going to keep writing my very long, detail and dialogue heavy intros and full character arcs with lots of “filler” and “fluff” because that’s how I make the stories I want to tell and what makes them align with my vision.

[yaburnaee]

people conveniently like to leave out the bit where nesta tried to go after feyre in acotar when they talk about her not doing anything for the family. the fandom discourse is sooooo funny.

[honeydots]

more designs!! princess of nohr soleil and dancer siegbert c:

[siltyriver]

I am so deep in the Tim Drake trenches I fear I will never recover

[dreadgrace-a]

actually, that ship meme + talking to garrett has me thinking about post canon Lark and how important it is to her development that I point out she does not have her Urges nerfed or removed. She will live with them for life (and i'm purposely leaving it ambiguous as to whether or not she can die). She doesn't have Jergal pulling her from the fugue plane and yanking her from one divine cage to another, nor would she accept that.

[davekatplayswiz101]

listening to sober to death and thinking about davekat top ten activities that make me ill (/pos)

[rinnysmuses]

Critics: ff16s story loses all coherence 2/3 the way through and its just magic bullshit

Most ff fans: so most ffs?

[softness-and-shattering]

Thats the cost-benefit equation of having a pet. Or cut flowers. Or starting anything that will end (ie almost everything):

It'll probably hurt when its over. Maybe a huge amount. Is it likely to bring you more joy and fulfillment over time than sorrow when its gone? You wont lose the memories much, the experience doesnt go away, how it changed you will always have changed you.

Is it worth playing a song over and over when you know next week it wont make you nearly as happy as today? Is it worth having flowers in your house for a few days until they wilt? Is it worth investing in a friendship that might fade?

All things end. All things will end except maybe the universe. But the experience (and the love) was still there and it mattered. So yeah, its normal to anticipate future sadness, but when its about a good thing ending, use that energy to be more present in the moment, enjoy the experience, document it, exist in the goodness of the moment as intensely as you can.

I didnt used to understand what "suck the marrow out of life" means but Im pretty sure thats it. Same for the idea that death gives meaning to life. (I dont think suffering enhances happiness I think its just suffering. Thats an adjacent idea).

Your dog wont live forever but while theyre alive love them and feed them and walk them and enjoy them.

And when theyre physically gone, remember them warmly and fondly and let their memory bring you joy and comfort. You were a good pet parent and you gave them a good life and they loved you. That matters.

this comment on a tiktok where theyre crying because their dog isnt gonna live forever slaps

[comas-are-for-sleeping]

brb going insane <3

[ceciliathecabinwitch]

Saw a car with a #mom life bumper sticker and instantly had an “ick” judgy reaction and then was immediately lecturing myself about not being judgment about something harmless

But then I saw that she also had a sticker on one of the windows (where a kid was sitting) that said “AUTISM is my CHILD’s superpower” over a puzzle piece and then I felt somewhat less bad about being judgy

[byler-alarmist]

Do people know most paper receipts are harmful to their health?

I'm going to get up on my soapbox for a minute, but do people realize how pretty much everyone is being overloaded with endocrine disruptors like BPA/BPS on a near-daily basis??

I don't think many people understand that ever since most of the world transitioned to thermal paper receipts (cheaper than ink), almost every receipt you handle from the gas station to the grocery store to the Square terminal printer at the local co-op is coated with Bisphenol-A (BPA) or its chemical cousin Bisphenol-S (BPS).

These chemicals have not only been proven to cause reproductive harm to human and animals, they've also been linked to obesity and attention disorders.

Not sure if your receipt is a thermal receipt? If you scratch it with a coin and it turns dark, it's thermal.

BPA/BPS can enter the skin to a depth such that it is no longer removable by washing hands. When taking hold of a receipt consisting of thermal printing paper for five seconds, roughly 1 μg BPA is transferred to the forefinger and the middle finger. If the skin is dry or greasy, it is about ten times more. 

Think of how many receipts you handle every day. It's even worse for cashiers and tellers, who may handle hundreds in a single shift. It is also a class issue, since many people who work retail and food service are lower-income and will suffer worse health consequences over time from the near-constant exposure.

Not only that, receipts printed with thermal ink are NOT recyclable, as they pollute the rest of the paper products with the chemicals.

People don't know this and recycle them anyway, so when you buy that "green" toilet paper that says "100% recycled"? Yup, you are probably wiping your most sensitive areas with those same chemicals (for this reason, I buy bamboo or sugarcane toilet paper as a sustainable alternative to recycled paper).

This page from the Minnesota Pollution Control Agency has some good links if you want to learn more.

As consumers, we need to demand better from our businesses and from our governments. We need regulation of these chemicals yesterday.

If you are a buyer or decision-maker for a business, the link above also contains a shortlist of receipt paper manufacturers that are phenol-free.

If you work at a register, ask customers if they want a receipt. If they don't and you can end the transaction without printing one, don't print one!

As a consumer, fold receipts with the ink on the inside, since that's where the coating is. Some more good tips here.

And whatever you do, DO NOT RECYCLE THERMAL RECEIPTS

[dont-worry-about-1t]

I worked at a “good” psychiatric hospital as a tech for 3 years. While I can say that many of the situations in the notes did not happen while I worked there- withholding food and drink, taking previously approved belongings, sexual abuse- the fact remains that it was more like a prison than a place of healing. Restraints, seclusion, drugs… those are all common practice wherever you go. And it’s horrific. Although we heavily self-vetted our staff to prevent assholes who wanted to abuse vulnerable people from working there (a practice that left us in mandatory overtime and half staffed the entire time I worked there… because half the people who applied were those type of people), it can’t be denied that these practices are baked into the system. For every patient whose hands I held for hours while talking to them to keep them from peeling off their skin until they could calm down, there was one who I had to hold down to be medicated. I believe that a better way is possible. Because it was. Before Regan, the US actually had a half-decent mental health system, with many halfway houses, group homes, long term care facilities, and care communities. Inpatient still existed, but was much more rarely used and the facilities that existed were generally nicer (except state run facilities, which have always been a nightmare). This is part of the problem but of course not all of it. The fact remains that even with advances in psychiatry, mental health problems are still seen as individual defects or diseases rather than the result of societal issues, personal traumas and vulnerabilities, or even just a different way of being. And the way to enforce “normality” is medication (usually helpful, not always!), and literal force if that doesn’t work. Therapy in the hospital is sporadic and about 30 minutes/session. Groups were primarily run by us, as techs, and not therapists or psychiatrists. While most of the patients were grateful to dance, play basketball, have guided journaling, play Pictionary, or have impromptu guitar concerts (until our snuck in guitar was taken away for being “dangerous” and the second one was too), I don’t think this can be called therapy. Just a way to break up the torturous boredom and monotony of a psych ward. The rest of the time there was, for the patients, a mix of horrible boredom, rigid schedules and enforcement of rules, and fear of punishment or of other patients-overbooked and underfunded means all types of people were forced to cohabitate, whether appropriate or not. Not what one would call a “healing environment.” All this to say-we were a “good” hospital, with “good” staff. And the abuse was still there. It still happened. I was still complicit and many of my patients still suffered. You can refuse your meds… until the psychiatrist rules you psychotic or dangerous. You can stay in bed… until the new policy is to lock you out of your room during the day. You can get therapy… once or twice during your week stay because there’s only 3 therapists for the whole hospital. I have a lot more I can say but this is already stupidly long.

Suffice it to say: we always said no one should work there longer than a year, or it makes you a worse person. I was there for 3, until I finished my education. I am a worse person now than I was; even years later. I will never go back to one of those places. The system is broken. And until we tear the whole thing down and reform it, people will continue to suffer a cycle of institutionalization->back to their previous situation with no additional support->crisis->institutionalization. It’s an endless feedback loop of abuse and crisis. No good clinician stays. No healthy patient leaves.

and here is the thing. all psych wards are bad. every single one. I don’t think there is such a thing as a good psych ward—I’m willing to believe that there are some good people who work in psych wards, who have good intentions, and who might end up helping some people. but the psych ward as a whole? There are no good psych wards. The structure of a psych ward inherently prevents it from being good. Even if you personally think you had a good experience in a psych ward, most likely what that means is that the abusive practices weren’t used on you. But those things are still there. even if you weren’t put into solitary confinement, it is extremely likely that your psych ward still had a room for that. even if you weren’t drugged without your consent, it is very likely other people were being drugged without consent!! even if you weren’t strip searched, or tied to your bed, or starved…it is VERY likely that your psych ward has protocols for all these things and regularly does them to many people who come through the ward! And it is vital to think about how your race, class, and other identities affected your experience before making broad claims about things “never happening” in psych wards.

Psych wards are inherently violent, oppressive, and unethical based solely on the fact that they are a form of incarceration, but even beyond that? If a psych ward is committed to enforcing compliance and incarceration, it is going to have some of those abusive measures that I listed above, and that is going to be standard protocol. Even if there are good people working in a psych ward, their reach is going to be limited—the power of the institution means that they constantly have to weigh the decision to break the rules and help someone, or to follow violent protocols. Most clinicians and staff will choose not to lose their job and even if they find it personally distasteful, will still choose to enable these types of violence. Good people on the inside are not able to fundamentally change the reality of what psych wards are and what they can do.

I strongly believe that people who say they have good experiences are the outlier and also are likely to be white and rich. Even if people don’t think that their experience was abusive, a lot of people generally find it boring, unhelpful, and mediocre. And so, so many people are experiencing abuse in a daily fucking basis in these places. Even if there are individuals who manage to escape the worst of a psych ward, the fact that the psych ward has the power, structure, and protocol to do these things to anyone is a problem.

[cassafrasscr]

Because I'm having a bad fucking chronic pain day, and feeling some type of way about it, I'm gonna rant more about Ashton.

Can we talk about how Ashton talks about their pain? Or rather, how he doesn't?

I think Ashton's actually mentioned actively being in pain, like... 3 times in the 86 episodes they've filmed so far? The first time that I can remember is during/immediately after Imogen and FCG delved into their mind and actually experienced what it's like to live in their body.

The second time was in the second episode of the Issylra arc, when the group is packing up to move towards Hearthdell, and Ashton mentions off-hand that he was in pain the night before.

And then the third time was e86. When Ashton collapses after dropping his Titan form, and Orym asks if they're okay, Ashton’s response is along the lines of "I'm fine, it just hurts."

You know what Ashton says a lot more often?

I'm so tired. I'm exhausted. We should really take a rest first. Can we please take a fucking rest now?

It seems subtle at first, but as someone who has chronic pain it hits hard. 'Cause most of the time that's exactly what I say.

Because when you're in pain all the time, the healthy/abled/non-chronic-pain-havers around you don't want to hear about it. It makes them uncomfortable.

Being in constant pain and giving voice to it makes you a whiner. A complainer. A wuss. A flake.

Have you tried yoga? Or drinking more water? Or the current fad diet?

So instead, you learn to allude to it in ways that won’t make the ableds uncomfortable. For me, a lot of the time, that takes the form of:

"I'm just really tired."

So, seeing Ashton pushing themself well past their limits to keep up with their friends and doing what the other Hells want - only to end up completely nerfing themself with 2 points of exhaustion... hits very close to home. Especially seeing most of their friends completely disregard their pain until they couldn't anymore.

Orym is really the only one who consistently shows any consideration for their chronic pain - and the boundaries and limitations that go with it. I only had a handful of friends like that when I was younger, and I treasured every single one of them.

As the kid who always got left behind to walk with a chaperone on field trips because I couldn't keep up with the other kids... it brings back a lot of that frustration and hurt to see it playing out like this for Ashton, but also validates it in a way I'm profoundly grateful for.

Anyway. That's all I have to say about that at the moment. I'll climb down off my soapbox now.

(Really slowly though, 'cause my knees are fucking killing me.)