#anyway doomed yaoi!!!

[cyellolemon]

Haunted by that day

[youarejustintime]

the fact that alex watched everyone fight about billford’s crackship status for over a decade and then said “……alright time to wreck a lot of people’s day” with one book and a code website is hilarious

[lotus-pear]

learning to love

[leafimochi]

happy 091305 to those that celebrate 👏👏

[nezz-cringe-crib]

lawlight angst hc (spoilers)

i started reading the death note manga and there's this one panel talking about light's nightmares and i like to headcanon that those nightmares never go away. even when his memories are gone in the yotsuba arc, he's still having nightmares that he doesn't fully understand but he knows it has something to do with him possibly being kira. he always brushes it to the side though and keeps gaslighting himself into believing it's not true. i especially like to headcanon that the night he gets his memories back, the night before he kills L, he has the worst nightmare he's had since the start of all of this and it completely ruins him. like he just wakes up in a sweat and starts sobbing, to the point where he can't even try to deny himself from anything anymore. i also like to think that on this same night, him and L are sharing the same room together despite not being handcuffed anymore. L probably requests it just because his suspicions are up again, and watching light wake up in a complete panic is the last piece of evidence he needs. but instead of acting on this, he just chooses to ignore it. because despite everything, light is his friend. and he would like to die knowing that the night before his passing, he was beside his friend, not his murderer.

the panel in question btw:

[ringosmistress]

[starboysbrainrot]

the lovers.

or, a jetko fan art inspired by the tarot card “the lovers”. first one represents the upright card, second one represents the reversed card.

[nickloonie]

paper pouring more juice into OJ's glass until it's overflowing hoping it brings him back

[shakingparadigm]

may i ask your opinions on what ivan is truly like ?

( without pretending to be someone or something else entirely ? )

Okay !! Finally back to answering asks !! Once again, please be mindful of the fact that these are mostly my own personal thoughts. Always take them with a grain of salt.

The thing is, Ivan is an incredibly difficult character. He was written to be complex and multi-faceted, literally having more than just one "face". His actions almost always have another layer of depth to them and he tends to contradict himself, further complicating people's perception of him. It's not easy to pin him down, and that was exactly the intent. They made sure that the viewers wouldn't be able to fully grasp his emotions.

( I find this fact rather funny, because in one of the behind posts QMENG herself says that sometimes Ivan does things she cannot understand. The creators just allow Ivan to be complicated. He is what he is, and while there are undoubtedly reasons for it, the full truth remains unknown to us. )

Regardless, this is what I personally think.

Ivan seems to define himself by his imperfection, so much so that his actions and perspectives are influenced by his deep self-hatred. It's established that Ivan is "lacking" something, he is fundamentally different from others. Ivan builds himself around this since he literally has nothing else. He defines himself by his lack of definition. The fact that he is different and needs to be "cured". Ivan grows attached to the qualities that he "lacks", drawn to the biggest personality in the garden like a moth to a flame. He is fascinated, not envious, and I think that says a lot about him. He places those qualities on a pedestal, believing them to be so much better than himself. He feels that it's something he will never achieve or deserve, something he can't have.

It's interesting that the only time we can pin Ivan as "envious" is not when he's faced with his opposite, but with his parallel. Someone he believed to be just like him.

One thing about Ivan is that he is (unsurprisingly) lonely. Since his entire life is defined by this feeling of separation from others (either literally through the segyein's selection or more intangibly through his mental and emotional difference from others), Ivan feels constantly isolated. Nobody has been able to properly understand him, which further worsens the feeling that something is wrong with him.

When he finally finds someone that he can relate with, it brings him a sense of relief. Note that when Ivan refers to (what he perceives as) their similarity, he uses derogatory language. Twisted. This is how he views himself.

( translation is by @sorrowcure ! )

Compared to his interactions with others, his confrontation with Sua is uncomfortably honest. Ivan is most critical with the person he relates to, further emphasizing how deeply critical he is of himself. Ivan is not envious of Till or Mizi, who are so fundamentally different from him, he's envious of Sua because she is just like him yet has something that he doesn't.

It may feel unfair for the one person you saw yourself in to accomplish something so out of your reach. Her love was reciprocated in full, adored and revered by the person she loved most. They weren't the same, after all. It reinforces what he always believed to be true: he was alone.

( translation by @/oreganocactus on Twitter! )

There are many other instances of Ivan's self-deprecation and low sense of self-worth that leak into his behavior, such as down-playing himself in his interview, referring to his own feelings as "shallow", convincing himself that he was never truly cared about, etc. His deep dissatisfaction of himself rises to the surface quite often, shown in the way that he takes pride in his achievements (his work), yet cannot view himself as a person in a positive light.

INTERVIEWER: What do you think is your charm?

IVAN: I can't really think of any, because I think I have more flaws (haha),

To me, a lot of the "actual" Ivan can be seen in his younger self. It's not a complete display of what Ivan is truly like, obviously. He was a child and hadn't yet developed in certain areas. Still, it's a period in Ivan's life where he didn't mask or play up a different image. The quiet, stoic, and blunt Ivan seems to be a more genuine side of him, at least compared to his more charming persona. QMENG considered Ivan with his hair down to be "most like himself", and I think it's no coincidence that the most memorable version of Ivan with his hair down is his child self. The infamous Bowl Cut Ivan.

With this fact in mind, I also find it no coincidence that in ROUND 6, where Ivan is presented as a "perfect actor" in costume, he starts off with his hair slicked back.

And when he finally drops the mask, when he acts out of his own volition, his hair falls onto his face. Hair down, most like himself.

Another notable instance of Ivan's hair being down is the casino/karaoke room scene, which was quoted as an example for Ivan's emotional immaturity, his supposed "childishness".

There's so much to be said about Ivan, including the neurodivergent/autistic traits that have been discussed by other people in more depth (notably his difficulty in understanding/expressing certain emotions, his masking, his often misconstrued actions, etc). There's also many of Ivan's more conflicting aspects (which seem mostly confined to the patreon? so I'm not sure if they're still planning to incorporate it into the publicly official content or if it was overhauled), but I'm going to stop here because I feel like this post is already pretty random and disconnected.

The gist of it is that I don't think I can give a solid answer on what Ivan is truly like. I'm not even sure if he can answer that, as he seems to be at war with himself quite frequently. Ivan, under his charming and cheery facade, is unable to feel or express emotion in the same way other people do, which causes difficulty and struggle in many other aspects of his life. Not like the one he has is completely his anyway, but, you know.

[faerygardenparty]

Do you see my vision

[dryya-doesnt]

Ivan and till rkgk on new sketchbook for new year 😋😋😋

Also my alien stage ocs jaesoo and hak

[cyellolemon]

Soft kiss

[holysheithyall]

“Al beni yanına, sevgilim”

[lotus-pear]

lore accurate teen soukoku. the worsties ever

[sp4mja]

So we agree that Fit goes to this rose bush on the wasteland to care for it, water and protect from others all while talking to it like its Pac right?

[sheepthatgobaa]

Thought about the fabsnap profiles and an idea popped into my head