#anyway dont mind the long ramble haha

[spinspoon]

yknow, im having one of those moments where i'm feeling nostalgic yet sad but also content all at the same time...

[berryblu-arts]

Pt 2!!!

Some glow stage doodles, mainly Nat/firefly + Ara with a lil cat ^^, I was honestly having kind of a bad art day on these hahah, but eh, might as well post em :3

Some Iris sibs ^^, they're actually Akemi's neice and nephew, that family is a disaster lmaoo

[a-trying-writer]

[[ clothes make the cat -- hh fic. no reblogs, likes are ok. ]]

Over the top, colorful, blinding, and eye straining, are the closest descriptions I have for Maison’s clothing choice for me.

One dress is too plain, with it’s bright pink style that reaches half way down my thighs. The stripes of various colors that the shirts and pants are dyed in makes me believe I will stand out in this valley, in a very bad way. Even the accessories are gaudy, with how large they are -- some sunglasses are heart shape while the earrings are large disco balls!

But I did ask Maison for advice for clothes, so I can only blame myself for this. All my clothes are either black or white, which is kind of bland in comparison to him, even though his “clothes” are actually his skin. Which does make it interesting to know what he considerable fashionable.

Besides, even though I don’t really like his choices, it doesn’t hurt to try something new. Maybe I will grow to like it with time.

[sandificatedman]

DESPAIR X READER. DESPAIR X READER PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!

HI OMG THIS TOOK,, LITERAL AGES IT WAS SUCH A BUSY WEEK SDMSND. Also this got SO LONG I'M SORRY-

OK THIS IS JUST GONNA BE A BUNCH OF MISC IDEAS. NO SPECIFIC PLOT OR THOUGHTLINE BC. I COULDN’T NARROW DOWN TO ONE CONCEPT I WANTED TO COVER-

You know she’s gonna be CHIN deep in denial until she’s forced to accept that she’s fallen for you.

She has a self-imposed rule to try to avoid getting attached to mortals. Meddling, sure. She adores meddling in human affairs, but getting attached creates a whole different series of problems.

There’s just,, not a good track record of relations between humans and Endless going well. I like to think she’s maybe 60% more self aware than her siblings SMDSMDNM yknow?

EMPHASIS ON 'TRY'

it's not like she meant for it to happen, for Nightmother's sake! She was just having a little peek at you, and,, you just looked so delicate. And she is meant to observe, isn't she? So what was the harm in observing you a little longer than most!

... Yeah you can see where this is going MSDNMSND One thing lead to another, and before she knew it she could barely focus on her responsibilities without missing your sweet face.

AND SHE FEELS SILLY FOR IT!! She's embarrassed of herself!! What is this nonsense, she isn't her sibling(s)!! Why is she fawning after a mortal, and worse, why does she adore doing it?

SHE DOESN'T CREEP FOR TOO LONG. Mostly because Desire won't let her. Sue them, they want their twin to be happy, and all her yearning is frankly,, a bit pathetic MSDMS

She'd never admit it aloud, but she's,,, a little petrified of making a bad impression? It's not like most mortal's are partial to,,, well,,, her.

IF THE FIRST INTERACTIONS GO WELL???? IF Y'ALL END UP,,,, BECOMING A PROPER THING???

You are almost definitely getting swept up into her realm sorry

JUST FOR A LITTLE BIT AT THE START, WHILE SHE WORKS OUT THE KINKS-

You think she’s taking any chances??

She had to witness her sibling’s various lovers get their lives (and,, bodies) turned inside out in innumerable ways. She knows, herself, that The Endless are far from being invincible.

Respectfully, lovingly, she’s not letting you out of her sight until she’s made it exceptionally clear to all relevant entities (siblings, elder gods, assorted mythical entities) exactly what the consequences will be if they try to harm you.

Thankfully,,, not many people are willing to go toe-to-toe with the literal architect of all Despair. so. that's a bonus MSNDMS

Is this necessarily going to 100% keep you from harm's way? No. Frankly, she could put you in a jar on her shelf, and that still wouldn’t keep you perfectly safe. It’s at least gonna to provide enough reassurance to not,, idk feel the need to Loom over your shoulder 24/7. It's mostly just for peace of mind.

and,, um,,

(don’t worry, she isn’t like her brother (derogatory but loving. Morpheus, go to therapy my love), if at any point you’re genuinely unhappy with your relationship she’ll know before you, and will retract from your life with,, relatively minimal fuss.)

(It’s also VERY possible she’ll leave with you with a boon of some sort, for your trouble, most likely her continued protection and/or exemption from her influence)

YOU’VE BASICALLY GOT YOURSELF A VERY CREEPY GUARDIAN ANGEL NOW HAVE FUNNNN SMDNSMN

Her primary role is as an observer, and she’s absolutely going to utilize this. She checks in on you as often as she can and just,, watches you go about your day-to-day life.

At first you have no idea when she’s got her eyes on you, but as time goes you begin to pick up on the Sensation (™) of her gaze?

It’s not just ‘feeling eyes on your back’, though that is a part of it.

It’s more,, like when you step outside early in the morning, and it’s super foggy out? Where every breath feels cold and damp, you can feel dew on your skin. It feels like her realm is seeping into wherever you are.

Sometimes you just,, absentmindedly lean your head and bonk your head on the wall, forgetting she is infact not sitting beside you MSNDSMN

At first it felt a little,, uncanny?? But now it’s become super comforting!! Like stepping outside for a breath of fresh air <333

it's,, kinda sweet,,, knowing that this cosmic entity is,, taking time out of her day to just,, keep an eye on you. wow <3333

I've. left out a billion things but this is already so long and rambly. Despair I love you I love you I love you I love you. mouah.

[kaihuntrr]

one-year anniversary!

HI. oh my goodness can you believe its been a WHOLE YEAR (and a day, im posting this a day later OOPS-) since i started working on this au? i dont think i started working on the chapters until... the -ber months? but the general brainstorming started now and oh my GOD the amount of changes that has happened while working on this au is insane! im absolutely floored with how much people enjoy this au, and while im too busy to be posting art (im doing some personal work!) i have all the time in the world to talk about how much this means to me.

i've written things in the past, but i havent for the LIFE of me worked on such a long project such as this (we're only halfway through act one of FIVE!) and learning and growing with such wonderful betas and partner (ehehe @mewhoismyself hello there) is just so wonderful <3

SO! in order to make this anniversary special, i've decided to post a little cut/practice scene from act two! this couldnt make the cut with what the plot has in mind, but i figured itd be best to have some nice moments with scott and martyn, eh?

OH! and before i go, the next chapter will be posted a day earlier! <3 im going abroad the day after the original chapter posting date, so i need to rest. i think this back half of the fic is gonna be really something <3

anyway, i wont keep you here for longer. i hope you have a fun time reading this, just as much as my partner and i had fun writing this so many months ago <33

Martyn tried to listen as Scott rambled on about what he’d been up to, how nice it had been to see his friends again. He even tried to let the small twist of jealousy at Scott being so happy over seeing someone else wrench his attention back into the moment, but it didn’t work. The face of Pearl kept flashing in the forefront of his mind, her eyes and jagged scar glowing unnaturally under the moonlight. 

“Oh, and…,” Scott continued to ramble on, but Martyn still couldn’t focus. It seemed that Scott had noticed as his voice trailed off and he looked at the blonde with a tilted head. “Martyn…?”

Martyn gave a grumbled response. His mind blocked out the world around him as he pictured brief flashes of the island, the hollow and desolate stares of the people, the wicked laugh coming from Pearl….

Scott sighed. “Martyn….”

Martyn could still feel a slight buzz in his head from where he was hit. How much blood did he lose back there? He didn’t know. All he knew was that he was glad to be alive. Glad that he was here, still breathing, like everyone else. Glad that he was–

“Martyn!”

Martyn jerked as Scott’s face was suddenly inches from his own. Scott’s lips were twisted into a pout and his eyebrows were drawn into a scowl. “Huh- sorry, what?”

Scott sighed, letting his head fall forward, “So you weren’t listening to me….”

“No!” Martyn said quickly, throwing his hands up. Panic leapt in his chest, making his heart beat faster. He didn’t want Scott to think he was ignoring him…! “No, I- I’m… I’m sorry…,” he hung his head. “I’m trying to listen- I’m not meaning to ignore you, I just….” Martyn looked down at the sand beneath him. Guilt welled up in his throat. He’d been so eager to see Scott while he was away, and before he’d gotten back, and now that he was actually here… Martyn was ignoring him. He was making Scott feel ignored.

Martyn shook his head, forcing a huge smile onto his face. “So, you said you saw your friends, right? Did you have fun-? Oh, what am I saying, you just said you had fun- haha…,” Martyn scrubbed the back of his head, then straightened up, rolling to his feet. “Hey, do you wanna go see if we can find your bird friend? I bet it’s missed you too!” He pointed towards a path leading up to the forest, “Bet he lives in there somewhere…!”

“Um- Martyn…,” Scott trailed off looking after him.

Martyn took a few steps backwards, away from Scott, and spread his arms, hoping he’d follow. “Or we can go down to the beach! It’s a nice day, it’ll feel great to splash in the water a little.”

“Martyn.”

“Or- oh, we can go see the decorations they’re setting up for the festival down in the center of town. You said you were excited right, so we can-!”

“Martyn!” Scott snapped. 

Martyn stopped.

Scott took the few steps to close the distance between them, laying his hand on Martyn’s arm, then sliding it down to take his hand. He tilted his head, giving Martyn big sad eyes. “Martyn, talk to me…. What’s wrong?”

It was hard for Martyn to not crack under Scott’s gaze. “It’s just…,” he trailed off, trying to put his thoughts into words. He was just engrossed in them a second ago, but now, trying to tell Scott, he couldn’t think of what to say. “I… uh….”

“You’re alright, Martyn,” Scott rubbed his thumb over Martyn’s hand in a small, circular motion. “Take your time.”

A small pause fell over him. Martyn could hear the slow ebbs of the waves before he managed to speak. “I can’t get her out of my mind,” his voice spat with venom. Pearl’s sadistic glee, her manic grin, her ever-looming presence burned in his head. Martyn’s grip unknowingly tightened around Scott until he looked the other in the eye. His grip on Scott lessened as he looked away. “What good can I be to protect you, when I can’t defend myself from one person?”

“Who said I needed protecting?” Scott raised an eyebrow, his tone still soft but with a hint of skepticism as he leaned to the side to catch Martyn’s gaze again. He let out a weak chuckle and moved his other hand to rest on Martyn’s cheek. “Besides, you can’t protect me from everything.”

Martyn leaned into the touch, not caring how warm his cheeks felt as Scott’s delicate hand pressed into his skin, lightly grazing over the scar Pearl caused. He closed his eyes as he let out a sigh and drooped his shoulders. “But I want to…,” he muttered. He looked at Scott, his face scrunched with worry. “I don’t want you getting hurt at all, Scott.”

“There’s going to be times where I get hurt, Martyn,” Scott narrowed his eyes and withdrew his hand from Martyn’s cheek. Martyn was wide-eyed, only for Scott to hold the hunter’s other hand. “When that happens, all I’d ask is for you to help me get back on my feet.”

Martyn could feel his nerves freeze up at Scott’s warm hold. His gentle stare and concern on his face nearly caused Martyn’s heart to explode. A million things swirled in his mind as the breeze wafted over. “I can’t help it,” he lowered his head, biting his lip. “You should be protected, with all the chaos going around–”

“What chaos?” Scott cracked a smile and shook his head. He shrugged, letting go of one of Martyn’s hands as he gestured around. “All there is to see is you, me, and the beach. Nothing to worry about, right?”

Nothing to worry about for now, but so many things could happen in the blink of an eye. Martyn could practically hear the sound of the sea princes’ ringing in his ears, the one from his dreams laughing as its mouth opened wide to swallow Scott as he screamed-.... 

No. Martyn needed to be prepared for anything, so nothing bad could ever happen to the people he cared for. Nothing. Never again. 

“I still want to fight for you,” his voice was barely a whisper in the wind, cracking a bit from the emotions that crawled up the back of his throat. But seeing Scott’s attentive look, with the slight tilt of his head, Martyn knew he could hear him. “Can I at least do that?” he pleaded. He needed to-. He needed to. 

“You may,” Scott nodded, giving him a small smile. Then his eyes narrowed as a smirk crept onto his lips. “So- I’d like to see how you fight.”

Martyn opened his mouth to respond- just in time for a woosh of breath to leave him as his back hit the ground. Martyn gasped, blinking for several seconds as he tried to figure out he’d gotten laid flat out on his back… with a certain ginger pinning his shoulders to the sand.

“Yikes…,” Scott teased, his eyebrows rising, complimenting the wide grin on his face.

Martyn sputtered, his face immediately flushing beat red. “I wasn’t ready! Sneak- sneak attack…!”

Scott laid one arm across his chest, propping his other elbow on top of it and laying his cheek in his hand. “Most things will take an opportunity for a sneak attack, when presented with one.” He kicked his feet in the air, as if he was lounging on a couch reading a book. 

Martyn flushed all the way to his ears. “Redo!”

Scott leaned his head down, smiling at Martyn in a way that was almost sickeningly sweet. “Are you waiting for a written invitation?” 

Martyn grabbed Scott by the shoulders and surged upwards, knocking the ginger off of him. Scott laughed as he slipped his grip, ducking under one of Martyn’s arms to wrap his arms around Martyn’s torso. 

Before Martyn’s brain could fully process that, Scott had rolled Martyn over top of him and planted him flat on his back again. 

Working on instinct more than pre-thought, Martyn wrapped his arms around Scott’s shoulders and kicked off the sand. He knocked his thigh against Scott’s hip, bumping him off balance just enough to send them rolling over again.

But Scott didn’t end up on his back underneath Martyn. 

Somehow, mid flip, he’d slithered around Martyn’s torso, ducking his arm again and getting outside of his hold. Martyn ended up with his face in the sand and a knee pressed between his shoulders, shoving him down further.

Martyn was about to push himself up with his arms, using his strength advantage to throw Scott off of him, but Martyn froze when he felt something sharp curl around his throat. 

He couldn’t move. He couldn’t even swallow. He could barely even breathe. 

Suddenly the sharp points of crescent bladed scythes were touched against his neck so delicately. Suddenly the sharp claws of a hungry beast wrapped around his throat, pricking the skin above his jugular. One wrong move and she’d slid his throat. One wrong breath and the beast would tear him to ribbons.

A figure above him bent down to whisper in his ear. 

“I win!” Scott chirped brightly. He laughed as he withdrew his fingernails from where he’d curled them around Martyn’s throat. “You really do need more practice. Though I’d be happy to oblige…,” his voice turned sing-songy as he plopped back on the sand, his arms holding him up.

Martyn slowly pushed himself upwards, staring down at the sand where his face had been in utter bafflement. Why had that felt-? Why was he-? Why was his heart beating so fast? Why… did he feel like he’d just been hunted…?

“That- that uh…,” Martyn stammered, not really sure what he wanted to say. “You’re a lot better fighter than I thought you’d be.” He turned his head to look at Scott, pushing himself up so he was sitting on his knees.

“I know,” Scott smiled widely, tipping his head back and forth, “Do I impress you, Martyn?” He smiled and hummed teasingly, his eyes narrowed in a joyful satisfaction. 

“Always,” he breathed, a lot more genuine and heartfelt than he’d meant to. Scott’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Martyn felt his face flush and he looked down at the sand. Well, he was in this far. “I think you’re amazing.” 

“Thank you…,” Scott said with a shy little smile. A light hint of red dusted his cheeks. He looked… really nice like that.

Martyn shook his head, roughly clearing his throat. “Well um, as- as fun as this was… I was actually referring to- to my gun combat more than my hand-to-hand.”

“Uh huh,” Scott answered with a small smirk, not sounding like he believed him. “Well, maybe I could help you with that as well.” 

“You know how to use a gun?” Martyn asked, more than a little shocked. How… how much did he really know about Scott?

Scott opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked to the side, then looked back at Martyn. “Noooo…?” he admitted, grinning sheepishly. He sighed, rolling his eyes a bit, “To be honest I thought you were still flirting, not that that was a serious question. And now, well… I’m just embarrassed.”

“Oh.” Martyn tried to hide his sigh of relief. It was one thing to just not know that Scott was a capable fighter -he was a tavern keeper who dealt with rowdy drunks all the time, Martyn honestly should have expected it- but it was another thing to not know that Scott was a trained gunman. For some reason they felt different. Martyn felt a grin split his face. “Would-... would you like me to teach you…?”

“Teach me what?” Scott’s eyebrows pinched together for a brief moment, then shot up towards his hairline, “How to use a gun?”

“Yeah,” Martyn grinned, “It’ll be like the time I was taught!”

“When were you taught?” Scott tilted his head.

“I think I was… seven? My parents knew I wanted to be a hunter, so they taught me,” Martyn hummed, looking out at the beach. He could remember the eagerness in his voice when he asked his parents to teach him. He only knew of the dangers through them and the people he lived around, but he knew his heart was calling out to the sea more than anything else.  “I needed practice, like everyone else, but I’m a natural. A crack shot, they’d told me!” He laughed. Shooting a target from far away was much easier than fighting with swords or his bare hands. 

Scott blinked, processing Martyn’s words. He slowly turned his head to Martyn, eyes widening in shock as all sense of his playfulness dropped. “You were a child when you learned how to use those?”

“Yeah…? I wanted to be a hunter, Scott, so I learned early.” Martyn looked at Scott and shrugged, feeling the ginger’s gaze on his skin felt… different. Martyn learned how to use guns to be a hunter, not to– oh. Was Scott thinking Martyn would…? Martyn shook his head and raised his hands up. “But I can’t shoot a person. A sea monster is easy because they’re big and stupid, but a person…?”

Scott had a judgemental look on his face as it scrunched up. He pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around them, resting his head on it as he sighed. “Ending a person’s life is hard, and I’m happy you haven’t shot anyone, but…,” he trailed off. Martyn leaned closer to Scott as he raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you think it’s a little concerning?”

“What’s concerning?”

“You learned how to shoot things, how to kill things, as a kid,” Scott looked away, gripping his arms tighter as he watched the waves flow in and out. “Every life has a purpose; from you, to me, and even the beasts in the ocean.”

Martyn narrowed his eyes. Exactly what purpose could those monsters serve? Being ocean terrors? An effective way to kill humans and destroy ships? To bring fear in the hearts of children? To kill Ren- Jimmy? Why were there monsters in the ocean? Why should there be? 

“They’re monsters, Scott.” Martyn hissed, anger rising in his voice.

“They’re animals,” Scott hissed back, his face pinching into an expression that was almost pained. “They’re just animals….” 

“They’re heartless, cruel, and always starving.” Martyn huffed, pulling out his gun to examine it under the sunlight. Horrible beasts. Disgusting monsters. Murderers. “They’re such horrible, unnatural beasts that every mechanic in the world works to develop better guns and weapons to kill them all.” 

He didn’t fully notice the way Scott shied away from the gun in his hand. “You’re lucky you don’t need to leave the kingdom to see those ugly things,” Martyn spat.

“Ugly…,” Scott grumbled, turning his head away, like he was offended by the notion. “Well, I’m sure most of them would think the same about you.”

Martyn blinked, giving Scott a double take. Ugly…? 

Scott let out a sigh as he stretched and uncurled his legs and arms to stretch out in front of him. He picked up a small handful of sand and watched it fall through his fingers. “Every life is precious, every life is running on limited time. I’m not an idiot. I know things die. But there’s no reason to cut it shorter than it needs to be. ” He smiled wistfully, tossing the rest of the sand forward. “The sea is… scary, but maybe if you had an open mind, you’d see there’s more to it than monsters.”

Martyn followed Scott’s gaze and stared. Was there anything more to them? Surely not. The fondness in Scott’s voice was hard to believe- but the man has never even seen any beast to Martyn’s knowledge. The fond tone that Scott spoke about those- those monsters with… it honestly made Martyn angry. Those monsters took away the people he cared about. The people he loved. People he cherished. Jimmy, Ren… and so many other innocent people lost their lives to the sea, Lizzie’s parents…. The ocean took all of them, and there was nothing to blame but the monsters that infested it.

“They’re monsters, nothing more than that,” he spat, emotions in his chest wrenching into a tight knot that made it hard to breathe. He swung his arm out to the side, bringing his gun up in front of his chest as he rose to his knees, almost looming over Scott. “I know what they are, Scott, and I know I’m doing all that I can to protect you and the rest of the kingdom from the beasts that would just as quickly swallow you whole as they would crush you into pieces!”

“There’s no need for you to be so hostile about it,” Scott snapped at Martyn, his eyes narrowing into a cold glare that felt like icy daggers stabbing into Martyn’s face. Scott stood up and brushed all the sand from his clothes with a sigh. “I understand.” He walked closer to the water, just enough for the waves to lap against his shoes and tightened his fist, as if preventing to lash out.

Martyn blinked. “Was I-?” he muttered to himself. 

He looked out at Scott standing in the surf. He looked… sad. The guilty feeling in his chest built up once more. 

All of a sudden, Martyn remembered just how happy Scott looked with his birds fluttering around him, with the canary nuzzling his palm. Oh-. Scott was an animal lover…. No wonder he-.

Martyn was messing everything up. First he’d ignored him, and he was pushing Scott away by getting angry. Martyn quickly stood up and ran across the beach towards Scott, “Oh, Scott, I’m sorry–”

Scott turned to look at him, a flat expression on his face.

Martyn felt his heart twist, “I- I’m sorry. I- I didn’t mean to make you feel….”

“Upset?” Scott supplied.

“Yeah…,” Martyn bowed his head. His hand twitched out, reaching for Scott’s but giving up and retreating before he could take it. Martyn turned his head away and bit his lip. “I-... I made you-....”

Scott stepped closer and held out his hand. “No need for that, silly hunter,” he smiled sweetly. Martyn took it almost immediately, surprising them both. Scott let out a chuckle and bumped his shoulder next to Martyn’s. “I’m not mad,” Scott said softly. Martyn believed him. He looked… sad instead. 

“I don’t want you to–”

“You’re just fine.” Scott assured him with a smirk. “It takes a lot more than a simple disagreement to make me actually upset. We’re okay, right?” 

Martyn bashfully nodded, resulting in a wide smile from Scott. Was he… really okay? Or was he just hiding how he felt? For Martyn’s sake? Martyn hoped it was the former. 

Scott put a hand on his chest, giving Martyn’s hand a small squeeze. “Just… try to keep an open mind, alright? The world can be… stranger than you might think.” He smiled a little bashfully, “I might have- a surprise or two… to share, eventually.”

“Like how you can kick my butt in hand to hand?”

Scott’s face split into a wide grin, his eyes lighting up with laughter. “Just like that.”

Martyn felt himself smiling, a laugh escaping him as he squeezed Scott’s hand. Yeah, they were okay.

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

no one ever really comments about how bittersweet it feels to read an unfinished fic. the longing feeling of wanting to not let go of it in a way that surrounds small bits of mystery. especially when the author had previously written as if they were super sure theyd update again in a foreseeable future. sure, they might not have and thats okay. i just hope theyre well.

i told myself i wasnt gonna get attached, though, damnit!!! told myself, "13 chapters and 50k words and unfinished?? that seems like a lot of content. what the hell!" it was a lot, but.... not enough as well...

UGH. it was a gem and i absolutely did not expect to find a lumity fanfic abt metal bands and shit BUT IT EXISTS AND IM GLAD. not what i had in mind for a band au but hey!!! i liked it lmao.

the concept of amity dealing with compulsive heteosexuality and her thinking "maybe im just sick...." fucking made me want to start sobbing on the floor in a ball. like- i did NOT need to relate to her more in that way 😭. BECAUSE LIKE the concept of being like "this is whats supposed to be right, right? i should want this... so... why dont i?" </3. im on the floor crying. EVEN IF IT WASNT INTERPRETED LIKE THAT, ISTG. ive never seen that viewpoint but went through that shit too. thank u for validating but also emotionally wrecking me.

(this is the fic btw if you want to see it too)

anyway just doing research for a friend about band aus and writing band aus and found this ^. it seemed super interesting and up my alley because as a music buff and newbie metal enthusiast, i was like "oooooo" so yeah, haha. im rambling, but this fic will probably stick with me for the rest of this week but i just got to its end and want to actually cry rn. I JUST WANT MORE </3 /lh.

[silence-between-seconds]

OK NOW YOUR TURN

pls pls ramble abt any niche interest you have

HELLO THANK YOU

*invokes inner history nerd* so. listen here colonizer and listen good. i will subject you to my random knowledge cuz due to youtube, undiagnosed neurodivergency and most importantly- bad jokes. i have a vari-tea of niche interests but the first thing that came to my mind was my knowledge of the history of how Indians became one of The Top Consumers of Tea.

how did this wonder-drug make its way into our masala covered hearts? what led to the fact that everyday at 4pm the word at the tip of most indians' tongues is "chai"?this is my thesis as a pro desi tea obsessed freak.

This story, like most in our history, starts with the arrival of the British. i would like to insert this picture i found in a video that i laughed at for a solid five minutes:

anyway

technically tea was invented in china, and for a very long time it was exclusively grown there. it was a very high class commodi-tea. it was considered so precious that in 1662 when king charles the second married the Portuguese princess catherine of braganza: her dowry was a chest of tea and THE ENTIRE ISLAND OF MUMBAI (then, bombay) for an annual lease of 10 pounds. let me make that clearer. THE PLACE WHERE A 1BHK HOUSE IS SO EXPENSIVE MOST PPL CANT AFFORD WAS EQUIVALENT TO THIS:

needless to say the brits was so freaking addicted man. they wanted this. so bad.

By the 18th centuary there was a war between the english and the dutch and the brit resources were down the toilet so they couldnt afford to spend all that silver on the trade of tea leaves with china. and china was uninterested in anything the white boys were offering.

UNTIL they discovered something china wanted.

✨Drugs✨

the white boys wanted that tea. and they would do anything. so they started growing opium in india (by that time they had colonized us bruh. they came into our backyard and were like "bro we're such good friends pretty please let me use ur backyard" "ok what do you want to do w it?" "i wanna grow drugs bro" "....ok" "you'll work for me no bro?" "why would i do that" "bro its ur backyard bro" "what-" *england pulls out slavery* "SHUT UP AND DO IT") (dont come at me lmao this is a very rough simplification of what happened)(imma get blocked for this?)

anyway, brits grew opium and smuggled it to china in return for TEA. FOR TEA. 40.

now after the charter act of 1833 (idk what that is exactly but basically brits lost its trade monopoly with china and so now china said we should see other people and it was an open relationship and britian got very pissed but they signed the act anyway i think)

to deal with this they established the Tea Committee (this isnt the first government board specifically for tea. there were plen-tea of others like the Tea Board Of India) which dealt w the extraction of techniques, tea seads and resources from the chinese. this was highly unsuccessful and china was not impressed. this is an example of british desperation they'll do anything at this point. (took everything in me to not insert pictures of how they treated indian farmers. it was *inhales, lets go of anger for my ancestors treatment* bad)

but in the end this qoute i found (undoubtedly by a white man) "fortune favours the white men" came tru and they got their way.

oh you thought i was done? haha babygurl i am not

in 1843 robert fortune, who was a scottish horticulturist, went on a solo trip to china to study (read as: steal) tea plantations. no actually apparently he did study cuz he published a book(i forgot the name).(yes. HIS NAME WAS ROB. FORTUNE. talk about being born for a job)

lemme insert a quick meme here:

(they actually hired him on the spot and gave the amazed man 500 pounds per annum and sent him off to china)

he was to perform what we call The Great British Tea Heist the brits had found their vigilan-tea

my guy was committed to his role and shaved his head and pretended to be a monk and after 3 months wrote a letter to his company saying "bro i got the goodssss"

lmao no this it what the letter said- "l have much pleasure in informing you," he wrote, "that I have procured a large supply of seeds and young plants which l trust will get safely to India."

NOW they finally had the greens and started planting it in india. over the years indian tea topped the market in britian as the best tea. mostly cuz the white boyz HYPED it up. they even started doing diss tracks for chinese tea. this is something read right out of an advertisment- "indian teas are more wholesome, purer, cheaper and better than chinese teas in every single way". white boyz started saying stuff like they got out of a toxic realtionship with china and a healthy one with india (but they were the toxic ones)

now brits tried to globalize indian tea to get the moneyyy~ from indians.

their first experiment with (another) government body for tea- Indian Tea Association began on the indian railways. these railways were the ancestor of the IRC-tea-C. basically they started making tea on the railway platforms. this started the trend of tea being the signature experience on every indian train journey, from the first class to economy, everyone was having it (cuz trains were introduced and quickly became popular in use). train tea was said to be better than the quality of tea in 5 star hotels. and this converted us from a nation of tea-totalers to teach addcits.

now i just have one thing to say in the end. HOW did the quality decline so badly my desi brothers and sisters? nowadays the tea on trains is basically water but brown. milk is a lie.

anyway. on the end we got it right. we took tea from the chinese and brits and we added milk and we added sugar and we got:

✨chai✨

you have reached the end. congrats.

[neon-junkie]

awh fuck, everybody else is posting their sappy seasonal finale posts, so i figured i'd follow the herd and make one too. under the cut cause its long, im gushin' my heart out here!!

the bad batch has been my favourite show in... fuck, a very long time. i'll watch a piece of media and go "i enjoyed that!", maybe reblog a few tumblr posts on it, write the odd fic here and there, but the bad batch? i dont know what the hell it woke inside of me, but i am damn thankful for it.

since leaving the red dead fandom, i didn't write very often. i did the odd piece for star wars, but there wasn't anything that truly grasped me. i remember finally watching the clone wars during the covid lockdown, and thinking "awh i love the clones so much! i love how unique they all are, with their tattoos and haircuts. i just wish they would make an emo clone, for a laugh, you know?"

and then i started tcw season 7, and oh my god-

yeah, crosshair is my absolute favourite, although tech almost stole that place during season 2. (but i could never betray my husband like that!!) i love all the batch, even stinky sergeant hunter, and i am so thankful that they've entered my life. im glad i got into the clone wars when i did, cause as i finished the entire show, the bad batch season 1 dropped the very next day haha. i didnt think they'd impact my life as much as they did, but hey-ho, im thankful for it.

i mean, they got me back into writing. i had a nasty experience (which i wont go into detail about) during my time in the red dead fandom, and it totally put me off writing and fandom spaces. im so glad the bad batch has given me a new safe space to enjoy, with motivation and inspiration to write again, even if the things that i write are filthy and disgusting.

not to mention that i've met so many new people, formed friendships, even met them in real life!! star wars celebrations was in london last year, and being bri'ish, i had to go. i wasn't expecting some of my dear fandom friends to cross the ocean to attend, but god damn, i am so thankful that i took a chance and met them, resulting in a wonderful weekend. i'll admit, i hate how shy i was during the whole weekend, but i mean, meeting so many people for the first time all at once was very nerve-racking!!

to think, none of that would have happened if i didnt get into this silly show. so, yeah, thank you to the bad batch. thank you for all my fandom friends. i will continue my obsession even after tomorrow, although i will cry myself to sleep every night if anything happens to crosshair... (am i going to regret writing that line?!)

anyway. heres my sappy post. you know, i have to go to work after the finale airs. im going to be an absolute mess regardless of how the show finishes, i just hope the customers dont mind their bartender crying over star wars as she pours their drinks.

i'll stop rambling now. cheers for reading, and feel free to cry with me whenever you feel like it. neon out x

[midnightcreator12]

I need to say this, cuz smth embarassing happened to me and now I can't stop imagining Chula in that scenario and literally any turtle.

Because yesterday, I was talking to one of my friends and on one word, I started stuttering SO much. Istg it was SO bad😭

I went "Haha, crazy that you said that cud-cu- don't- I-dont...do-don't.. huh???? Cuz you- don't.. what the fuck were we talking about??"

And now I can't stop this moment in my head and I need to get it out somehow. However, knowing my mind (hopefully) it won't stop anyways but yea, i've been imagining Chula as the poor girly-pop who needs to listen to Leo stutter as if he don't know how to fucking talk. Or she'll laugh, who knows?

She gon go "Oh don't worry bout my kid. He's okay. Or...mildly on drugs... morphine...maybe. Wouldn't know how THAT happened tho. Or he knows how to un-learn the whole shabbing alphabet. Could be it."

Don't mind me. Just a lil' guy that wants to feed myself and others some serotonin with these little shenigans.

Be sure to drink a lot and treat yourself to your favourite snack. And don't forget those blankets for some nice rest this night.

-Best regards, everyone needs therapy, but I do too, so that makes up for it.-

So, your ask got me think of what Leo could be rambling about to cause him to stumble over his words. Which made me think about when I stutter like I don't know English and how it happens most often when I'm overly excited about shows and movies and my brain moves quicker than my mouth.

And THAT made me think about the fact Chula basically lives in the Rise Lair now so, of course, the boys will be showing her all the Lou Jitsu and Jupiter Jim movies. And THAT made me wonder what Chula's relationship with sci-fi would be like.

Because she's LIVED THOSE THINGS, more or less. The 'fiction' in sci-fi is basically all the stuff she had as everyday items and events. But, since the tmnt shows are kind of silly, the silly shows within the shows are pretty ridiculous so Chula is basically watching a horrible interpretation of a rough idea that was a fully developed thing in her dimension.

In short, Chula Verd doesn't like sci-fi because seeing all the completely incorrect interpretations of how space travel and exploration and space wars work is just painful but she knows the boys like it so she just smiles and tells them that it was a great movie.

And then I wrote a dabble about Leo stuttering while they watch a movie! Enjoy!

“Oh, oh, oh! This part is awesome! This is when Jupiter Jim crash lands on the alien turtle planet and he’s gotta fight his way to the super secret base-”

Chula nodded along as Leo explained the scene playing out of the kid's holoprojector.

Since she was staying long term, they had all taken turns catching her up on ‘every modern culture medium she needed to know about’. And at the very top of that list were their favorite holo-drama franchises.

One of which was a series about this space explorer slash adventurer called Jupiter Jim. An absurdly massive franchise that, in Chula’s opinion, was following the worst interplanetary explorer she’d ever seen. It was a wonder he hadn’t started a galaxy-wide diplomatic incident and all the conflicts were usually contained to the planet he visited per film.

But the boys liked Jupiter Jim and she had nothing but time to kill, so she tried to pay attention when they dragged her to the beanbag chairs for a movie night, either as a group or one at a time. And in both circumstances, she would smile and nod and sit through the horrible inaccurate depiction of how space travel works and what the protocols were for making first contact and getting far more enjoyment from listening to Leo break down every scene and how it was made instead of actually watching the film.

Leo gestured to the screen, hands flapping almost too quickly to track as he chattered away, “Oh, the production details of this are really cool! Did you know this was made a decade ago and the effects still hold up better than a lot of the CGI they use now? Yeah, yeah, it’s ‘cause they were tryin’ new stuff, lots of stuff, the director was really trying to push JJ onto the big dogs franchise map with this! They had a whole studio that- that they made the sets in and- and- and the costumes were reva- rev- re- re-, bah, bah, bah- Revolutionary! They handmade every single cell- sale- sail- Fuck!”

Chula blinked when Leo cut himself off, crossing his arms and blowing an angry little raspberry. She waited a few moments for him to keep going, mild disappointment rising when he just made unhappy little grumbles under his breath. 

She glanced back at the holo-drama, fighting the urge to wrinkle her nose at it. She would never, ever tell the boys but…she had found out after the first Jupiter Jim film that she didn’t enjoy ‘science fiction’. Mostly because of the fact that most of the hypothetical ‘fiction’ was very close to things that were pretty standard on most of the planets she’d been to in two realities. But the movies got so many things so ridiculously wrong it was almost painful for her to watch. The only part she enjoyed about the sci-fi movies was how into them the boys would get, flapping their hands and ranting about their favorite part. 

So Leo not talking anymore was quickly sapping her enjoyment of the one-on-one, impromptu movie night. She leaned over to Leo, lightly bumping their shoulders and asking, “What did they handmake?”

“Huh?” Leo blinked, face smoothing out from the pinched, grumpy expression as he looked up at Chula. 

She tipped her head towards the film, where ‘Jim’ was not doing his job as a ‘simple space explorer’ very well, considering he started shooting the moment an alien poked their head into view, “You were saying that this was the holordrama that made the franchise take off, right? And that they handmade somethin’ that helped it do that?”

“Right, right, uhhh, the alien suits,” Leo, much more calmly this time, pointed to where a turtle alien was running across the screen. “The, um, costume department made every scale on the turtle suits by hand. It helped make them look super realistic.”

Chula nodded, waiting for Leo to keep ranting about the film.

Except he seemed to deflate, tucking his knees up and propping his head on them to stare at the screen.

It made Chula a bit sad, seeing all the excitement just poof away. She loved it when Leo got excited about stuff, waved his hands around, and talked a mile a minute. It was weird when he got too quiet, reminded her of the first few weeks of them traveling together when he was scared and lost and didn’t fully trust her yet.

She carefully poked at his side and jerked her chin towards the holo, “What was the secret behind the little sidekick’s tail? I imagine doing all those stunts was hard to pull off without looking fake.”

Leo’s head perked up a bit, eyes flicking up to see the small, red and white furred alien that followed JJ around, “Red Fox? Oh yeah, she’s a yokai! Me and my bro’s met her once, she helped us save Raphie and JJ from getting melted in acid.”

A part of Chula knew that that statement should have set off more alarm bells for her.

But something she’d learned with these crazy kids was that their lives were nuts and it was better to roll with the punches and weird, wildly out of context statments as they came.

So, instead of freaking out, demanding details, running to Raph to ask if he’d gotten any acid on his person during that event, she nodded and turned back to the holoprojector, “What led up to that little misadventure?”

And, like magic, Leo was rambling away again, sitting up to recount the epic tale of when he and his brothers had gone head to head to claim the coveted place as Jupiter Jim’s fake sidekick.

Chula listened, only interrupting to ask questions if Leo stumbled over his words again in his excitement and basking in the warm atmosphere of the room.

She didn’t like sci-fi, but she loved listening to the boys talk about it so she could put up with a couple hundred terrible movies.

[8cfc00]

I think that- oh sorry HI 👋 I hope you don't mind the ask haha I didn't feel like rambling in tags- I've also noticed the downtrend in dndads posting, and while it *could* be some mini migration of people to other fandoms, I'm not so sure that that's the case? Not that people aren't getting into new things (I myself have been, for that matter,) but... How to put it. I feel like the show itself, despite approaching the finale, has kind of been at a quiet point where there simply isn't too much to talk about rn? Like I think the noise will pick back up in the fandom when it picks back up in the show if that makes sense?? Also just a busy time of year for a lot of people I think tbh! And since the fandom is so small to begin with (as you know), it's more noticeable when a bunch of people are preoccupied!

That's what I'm feeling anyways! But yeah I've been thinking about it too, and I empathize with the whole "feeling sad when people leave fandoms" thing, so I felt inclined to share my two cents in case it's any consolation haha. Regarding what you said about whether or not the show is "bad"- yeah, I agree! There's some places it really shines and some places that just aren't its forte, but me personally as long as I'm having fun I'm staying put right here! 😤❤️

!! HELLO!!! and yeah you bring up some good points... like there really isnt too much going on in the story character/emotion wise that people can latch on to (in contrast to the more angst ass eps that seem to be a bigger hit among fandom types) PLUS with only one jan ep the pace at which dndads has been releasing is. a bit slow (ep 50 was basically just 49 part 2 too so...)

as for the parts the show is good at vs the parts it isnt. i think it also comes down to the individuals/groups judging it, and the differences in their expectations... like with s2 ep31 the cast was talking about how the ep sucked in the teen talk, but on tumblr the tag had trended with SO much art... there have also been times when i had really enjoyed an episode only to find not much talk about it. so its really different for different people i guess

i try to not feel TOO dejected about stuff i have no control over (especially online stuff) but yknow life has been stressful and ig some of that stress had carried over to my posting. i didn't mean to start discussion about how good the podcast is (i've seen enough of that on reddit LOL) i dont wanna harsh the vibes, esp cuz i know i dont feel very good when i see critical posts about a show i DO enjoy a lot! (i am similarly " having fun")

THANKS FOR RESPONDING THO it was kinda nice to see im not the only one seeing and thinking about things! yaaaaaa

[theomnicode]

im curious- do you think saitama has romantic love on the mind at all? is romantic love a high priority for him(after all, he's only human) or do you think that personal connections is all he needs to create fulfillment and meaning in his life? i personally dont know if he could even be in a relationship, he's so depressed. i think his deep relationship with genos(whether platonic or romantic) is what makes him want to move forward and live and grow... i dont think that their relationship being platonic would make it any less deep tbh.

anyway i ask this because a lot of people, especially reddit, is so focused on who saitama wants to date when im not really sure if thats in the cards for him. i also dont think the only alternative to the silly psychic sisters/saitama ships is saigenos, as much as i enjoy it. what do you think as someone who is a lot more involved in this fandom? i think your analysis is always very interesting to read and would love to hear your thoughts, sorry for rambling so much lol x

Oh do I think Saitama has romance in mind?

Yes, yes I do in fact, I have made bunch of meta centered around Saitama and romance and it has been asked of me in the past and I cannot even recall every single one, you'd probably have a to dig a lot. But most notable hints are ofc the media Saitama consumes, which center strictly around both romance and battle shounen and shoujo specifically. One doesn't really consume media on their free time if it holds no interest to them.

Saitama being romantic at heart

Love is in the air

Saitama's journey in self-confidence

And literally pertaining this:

Me when people say Saitama doesn't seem like the romantic type

But it's not just limited to that, but also the amount of shoujo elements and romantic elements in seinen, like sunsets, sparkles, late night dinners, cozy slice of life, romantic outros (ending anime songs), references, you name it.

Reason why it's so appealing to the female demographic in japan I bet when most of OPM fans are ladies instead of guys in there, or so I've heard haha.

Also, Saitama is depressed yes, but he's finding a lot of help to his depression from the people around him, the lack of connections being one of the biggest reasons for his depression after all as he says in the King chapter. Not having relatability with others causes him to feel Othered by the society itself and not know how to live in it.

Tbh, I'd personally want him to find more happiness in life like he wants in the audiobooks. :)

I'd be kinda sad if he didn't find that kind of fullfillment eventually. That and it would definitely break my heart if Genos found nothing but platonic response from Saitama, after all and everything he has done so far. But such is life sometimes. It doesn't make their relationship less deeper even if they did nothing, but still. :/

(Tbh Genos hasn't been very platonic in a long while lol, he even borrowed Saitama's underwear in hotpot as Murata-sensei said. It's hard to not notice and I think Saitama has.)

I just think Sai is very subtle lol. But we'll see if he actually gets physically affectionate with Genos, then you know for sure hah.

Genos already armless glomped him, we need a glomp back to get even.

But yea, if I saw a good dynamic for Saitama specifically, I might also check out that avenue in terms of shipping. I just don't personally think romantic SaiBuki or SaiTats are my thing. Some people ship SaiKing which is wholesome but again, I tend to personally think them as great friends. SaiAmai would be...interesting. I'd like to see more of Amai-mask in general, their chemistry and how their character dynamic evolves. One fling man? Genos would disagree.

One of my friends ships Sonsai (zombieman x saitama) which I think is a fun dynamic because they're both quite funny characters. But again, I need to see more of their chemistry to get into it myself.

I have something else in mind though, but I kinda wanna see more of this character first. No it's not Suiko or anybody you'd be able to guess.

I'll give that person a cookie if they can guess who I am refering to without outside assistance lol.

[aakariiiii]

Hiii I have a request could you maybe do a Mikey x Fem!reader where Fem!reader tells Mikey that she doesn't feel good enough for him and he reassures her?

XO <3

sure!! sorry i took long but skhsaj i had an exam but anyway, idk if this is good but i hope you like it!! thank you for requesting <3

this is an aged up mikey btw!!!

p.s it’s not proofread read and my be a bit ooc :(

____________________________________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

The cold wind of the eerie night slammed against your skin, immediately sending shivers down your clothed back.

Your hand was firmly intertwined with Mikey’s, contrasting the bitter cold.

His hand was warm, loving, kind. Just exactly what you needed after an exhausting day of school.

As the moon stared at the both your figures from afar, creating a pervasive sense of tranquility with only the sounds of your footsteps echoing, Mikey decided to break the silence.

“So, how was your day today? Didn’t get to see you since I had to prepare for my next race for the whole day” he said, squeezing your hand.

“It wasn’t the best….but we move, y’know. What about you? How was your day? I’ve missed you,” you whispered the last part, feeling insecure for some reason.

“Hm? Whats up y/n? You don’t sound like yourself at all,”

“Huh—wha—I don’t? Haha I guess I’m just tired!”

“Y/n, c’mon, what’s bothering you? As your boyfriend, and your lovely very cute one and only Mikey, it’s my job to listen to you whenever you want me to, y’know.” He stopped walking and completely turned to face you, narrowing his eyes in process.

You just stared at the ground, eyes glued to that one spot in order to avoid Mikey’s suspicious glares.

A minute later, Mikey’s hand tightened around you, and he turned around again and resumed walking.

The silence you were surrounded with had little pecks of awkwardness floating around but you could smell the understanding coming off of Mikey.

As you internally sigh and prepare yourself for the worst, you cut off the silence.

“Hey Mikey…don’t you sometimes think that you deserve better? Like as a partner—Don’t you think that there’s someone better than me out there for you—“

“Y/n, are you out of your mind?” he stopped in his tracks, making you stop as well.

“I’m serious Mikey! I don’t do enough in this relationship and—I’m just not good enough for an amazing person like you. I don’t deserve the princess treatment you give me and I’m taking it for granted. Think about it Mikey, I’m sure you’ve already thought about this a hundred times already. There’s a prettier, better person out for you in this world who’s waiting for someone like you, because I sure as hell don’t deserve you!” you rambled as Mikey gaped at you, shock and confusion mirroring right through his eyes.

“Y/n—is that what you’ve been thinking about? This whole day? How I ‘deserve’ someone ‘prettier and better’? Is that what’s been running in your mind?” he asked, and you could literally see disbelief engulfing his voice.

“Yes Mikey..I’m sorry but I don’t do enough for you. I dont look pretty enough for you.I don’t—“ you were cut off by his lips on yours.

It was a sweet kiss, full of reassurance. Full of love and appreciation. Though it didn’t last long as those pretty lips departed away from yours.

“Well, let me tell you about what I’ve been thinking. For the whole day, I’ve been thinking about I’ll hold your hand as we walk in the dark of the night, talking about our days and what happened. I’ve been thinking about how the moon will shine below on my so very beautiful girlfriend and how she’ll look so ethereal under it. Not that she isn’t already pretty. I personally think she’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen, and no one will ever get to my head and change that. I’ve been thinking about how I’ll embrace her, my hands around her pretty waist, and kiss those pretty lips of hers. She’s the only thing I’ve been thinking about for the whole day. She’s the best thing that happened to me, and the best thing that ever will. So please, my dear pretty girlfriend, don’t let anyone get into that pretty little head of yours because you’re enough, more than enough even. I’m lucky to have you and I would like to end this with an I love you, so,” his hands rested on the top of your shoulder, but then moved up to cup your face.

His eyes roamed around your face then landing on your lips, and leaning in towards them.

And oh God, you can see the butterflies flying off of your body as your organs literally shook in their place. A kiss that touched your doubtful heart and stripped all the doubt away.

As he pulled away, taking all the warmth with him, you bit your own lips in an attempt to prevent your tears from darting down your cheeks.

He then give you a closed-eyes smile, a toothy smile which you want to wake up to everyday.

“Feeling better now?”

“Yes! Thank you Mikey—I’m really sorry! I love you so much and I’m very grateful to have you in ny life.” You said, scrubbing at your red hot cheeks, making Mikey chuckle.

“Now, my pretty girlfriend, allow me to take your hand and continue implementing the thoughts that I’ve been thinking about for the whole day please!”

[hyuckswoman]

hii im just gonna throw my opinion in bcs !! i honestly dont think the way you write it is bad and i like the slowburn and i definitely can see it there. like how theyre getting closer and everything, a lot of things obviously wouldnt happen in the start before they got to know each other and yeah !

so im loving it, its one of my fav works on here as of now and i think youre doing the slowburn just right ! i think the main “problem” here is that the updates ARE a little slow considering most of the fics are one shots you can read in one go so i understand why waiting 2+ days for an update with 8 screenshots might be annoying for some people but i dont really mind ! just maybe could be a little longer so its worth the wait 😅 and its a little annoying sometimes when it FINALLY seems like theyre getting somewhere and then they just act like nothing happened like damn😓 couldve made a move already

ALSO someone mentioned hanbin seeming shady but i think thats because there are a lot of characters and you cant just be so detailed about everyone so it might seemed like it but its not the case. like when he left her at the park (?) i think.

i really hope this doesnt come off as mean, i actually wanted to back YOU up because i think youre doing the slowburn right and i like it like that ! just yeah could be longer updates but its still all good. my roommate knows ab this smau too because i be going around the apartment like “damn i hope theres an update tonight” LMAOO so yeah keep going at your pace, ill eat it up anyway ! :) sorry for rambling too much haha

duuuuuuuuuuuuuude i can't believe some people view down bad so highly?? first of all thank you for taking the time to type such a thorough answer i really really appreciate it and second of all, I swear i'll try to be quicker with the updates but i'll admit it's kinda tough sometimes since exam season is approaching but I'll do my best so you guys can enjoy down bad fully lolllll and i'll also try to make the chapters longer (since i only recently discovered that on pc you can upload more than ten images loll)

I admit at first i was kinda confused on how long this was supposed to take as other smaus on here took like a couple of months to be completed but i ended up taking soooooo much longer and about them not acting on it, don't you worry i kinda rearranged the chapters and we are soon entering their era where they realize they have feelings for one another lolll

about hanbin's character, i basically just needed an excuse to make y/n and jeno have some alone time but i think it's kinda fun how some of you are reading into it and speculating and stuff

also this did not come off as mean AT ALL i literally wanted to sob reading this you're much too nice and i'm glad you enjoy reading down bad and thank you for reading my posts even though they're not story updates lollll

anyway all of that to say thank you soooooo much i really appreciate you and people's feedback like it really doesn't go unnoticed and i really try my best to take everything into consideration!! have a great day/night/morning to you anonnn

[wifiwuxians]

just a random guy who really loves your art. i noticed you made the cute doodle asking peeps to reblog your art and i just wanted to share why i dont? i really love your art and i absolutely wanna reblog it but im a songxue shipper and lowkey you seem kinda grossed out by that ship. which is totally oki, i know its not everyones cup of tea, but sometimes it seems like you'd be offended if a shipper reblogged your art i guess? and i dont rlly wanna bug you, i love your art and i adore your content. i think your likes and dislikes are valid as hell and you're totally allowed to have them. i just wanted to say that i do want to rb your stuff and i do love your stuff and im sorry im not supporting your art in that way, i just really didnt want to cross your boundaries. thank you for sharing your art and drawing so much of the guys (they're my blorbos, thats why i ship them and you're basically the only person who draws them ic imo). you're a wonderful artist and your art regularly impresses the hell out of me. your sense of humor, expressiveness, color pallet, creativity, and just plain Skill are all so freaking amazing and you deserve accolades. im sorry for being a weirdo who likes one of your squick ships but your art is fabulous. maybe i'll make a sideblog where i hide my ship tendencies and just rb you a lot there, you deserve the support :)

hey now,,, this is very sweet lkdhlkh and i really appreciate it + am glad you enjoy my art so much and think it's in character LOL i know i make things that are completely silly and absurd so it fascinates me (in a good way) that it's still seen as in character

also thank you so much for reaching out, i've been having a really rough time (depression! YAY) and honestly didn't expect anyone to say anything ;; (which is totally fine, people don't need to say anything! but it feels really good to be acknowledged)

i guess i'll take this as an opportunity to address this in general! i don't mind if people ship something i don't like/a notp as long as they're not making me engage with it, i don't track people down at gunpoint like HEY SHIPPER SAW YOU TOUCHED MY ART! no! all i ask is people don't /tag/ my art as whatever if i don't want it tagged as such (and don't ramble on about ship ideas in there either lol please), but i'm making an effort to make that obvious in the body of the post itself :) lots of my friends/followers ship things i don't and we coexist just fine!

but as for your ship, i've made mention to it a few times i think that it doesn't really bother me that much! in fact, the more i draw them together, the more chill i am with people taking away whichever kind of interactions they want from my art of them! they're my blorbos too and i love drawing them together, and although sometimes i am explicit about not wanting them tagged as a ship (so like, if they're drawn as family, xy is a child and sl is not for instance, lol), and sometimes i wish not everything were seen as shippy, it's very unreasonable i think for me to expect people not to see it that way. does that make sense? that's why someone requested i tag it a certain way so they wouldn't have to see it anyway OTL

anyway, you're totally fine! if you want to reblog it go right ahead, and if you wanna slap that tag on it, go ahead too (WITHIN REASON, see above). it's the other ostensibly more popular xue yang ship that i'd rather not get wrapped up in, haha

don't hide who you are! don't try and bottle things up for the sake of making someone else feel better. i've been doing that for too long and regret it immensely. maybe this year i'll finally put that to rest too

[dykeyote]

I want to thank you and your account for helping me understand better how to respect bigender people 💙 even if it's hard to say what you really want to without getting into discourse parameters, the things you have said has really helped me a lot with understanding my friend's and community

awww this is so sweet thank you so much!! i really appreciate that, im glad its helpful to you (: yeah its tricky because its hard to phrase things that will make sense without using discourse buzzwords like i kind of fell into doing a little in that post which i think muddled my messaging but genuinely like . i hope you dont mind me taking this opportunity to talk a little bit, hopefully its also illuminating for how to engage with people haha? but i think restructuring your understanding of gender to encompass the fact that some people are men And Something Else (same for women/nonbinary ppl of course but honestly that seems to be way less of a problem? which i have a lot of thoughts on and im writing a poem abt it but my analysis of manhood in queer communities isnt relevant here lol) goes a huge way in being able to like . interact w multigender people in a more nuanced fashion . and like not just Acknowledging that thats a thing that is true but really thinking about what the implications of simply the idea that a man can also be a woman might have on other ways you behave or other beliefs you hold goes a really long way . because so much of our society even (and sometimes especially) in queer communities tends to pit "man" and "woman" as complete opposites of each other that do not overlap - you can even see this in perfectly well intentioned progressive illustrations of the gender spectrum that intend to illustrate the breadth of nonbinary experiences, where they'll still set man and woman as two opposite points of said spectrum that do not overlap . and i genuinely just think like . i think a lot of people Intellectually understand that bigender people and pangender people and genderfluid people and all a manner of other multigender people who can be both men and women, often at the same time, do in fact exist - but they kind of like . dont really take that understanding and reflect it onto other beliefs that they hold and on other understandings of labels and definitions and what have u (tbh i dont think the queer community should Have universal definitions anyway and implementing this would delete like 60% of discourse from the community as a whole and 80% of lesbian discourse specifically but i digress) to see if they contradict and how u might wanna reorganize ur thinking to be more inclusive and whether that thinking is really useful in a real world context anyway . which is why i think ive seen a lot of people in the tags be like yeah okay this is really eye opening im going to consider this which i appreciate (: idk this turned into rambling but i think thats the crux of what i was trying to convey in that post

[betasuppe]

Why are you working yourself up so much over this blog? Is it your main source of income? Is it relevant to your survival in any shape or form? Do you really NEED it in your life to be happy? Is the validation you get through it so important? These are questions i keep asking myself a lot too. I don't want to give you any adivce on what to do with your blog, cause that is only up to you what you decide in the end. but maybe think about why this makes you feel so horrible cause it seems to happen a lot lately and its worrying.

Just... take care of yourself is what I'm trying to say 💖

Idk what's really wrong with me, man. But I appreciate you breaking it down like this to me. & uh. More stuff under the break. Please feel free to ignore, I just want to get this shit off my mind...

To be fair, I really don't have any sort of social life irl... at all. Here? This is basically the only place I'm actually able to be myself & my blog kinda turned into a huge vent station for me because I can't get out my thoughts or issues anywhere else haha

Then beyond my blog, my art dies in my sketchbooks. I don't have anyone to show my crap to. I don't have anyone to babble with about any of my fandoms or AUs. That's why this blog has become so much of an emotional struggle for me. I love it & I hate it both.

I know the hunt for neverending validation is toxic & impossible as hell, but it genuinely feels good to know I have anything of an audience for my silly content beyond me myself & I. No matter, I can barely even process compliments or positive responses while my insecurities are on an all time high lmao

But also, dont get me wrong! I'm very very grateful for the friends I've made here!... but true deep set lonesomeness can't be fixed so easily.

I just always feel like a nuisance. I don't think my work is any good at all & so any nice comments tend to ring hallow because... well, how could it mean anything really when all I see is my own ineptitude?

Anyways. I know I'm a pain in the ass & my mental health is a fucking roller coaster. I know leaving here long term would be healthy for my mental state but also. At what cost?

Sorry for the ramble. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if any of this makes sense. I don't know. I'm just numb & hurting all at once. I'm sorry I'm like this.