#anyway as an adult I accept alcohol is one of the main ways our culture socializes but it’s a bit discouraging

[marnz]

here’s my problem: all bookclubs listed on meetup either meet in a brewery or pair reading with wine. I admit a beer and a book sounds like a fun time if you’re not sober but I am! this honestly was not a problem I expected to run into while looking for a book club

[portiaphan]

DV Characters as Things Hannibal Buress Has Said

Alex: "I'm a gangsta, and gangstas don't ask questions." Yes they do ask questions! I thought that was a main point of being a gangster. "Hey, mothafucka, where's my money?" That's a question. "Do you want to die tonight?" That's a question too. "What? What?" That's two questions.

Alva: Gibberish rap is - I freestyle all the time, just hangin' out with friends. And sometimes when I'm freestyling, I'll lose my flow, you know, but I'll still wanna - I don't wanna just stop rapping because I lose my flow. So I'll just put in nonsense words till I can bring in regular words again.

Brielle: I couldn't imagine only being an actor or a writer. Because what the hell do I do when I'm not working? Mope?

Battista: I’m a dumb guy. My point of view is limited.

Bellamy: Why are you booing me? I'm right!

Beau: SIX PACK ABS! TEN PACK ABS! TWELVE PACK! What if I want an odd number of abs? What if I want a five pack to show people I'm still humble?

Bernadette: My other airport nemesis is airport security. I don't like them at all. They seem so dedicated to keeping bottled water out of the sky.

Calina: I acknowledge that I jaywalked, I apologize not for the act of jaywalking but how my jaywalking made you feel. I'll try not to jaywalk in the future while you're watching but trust that I'll do it for the rest of my life - it's the best way to go about being a pedestrian.

Castora: There's a lot of dudes in my neighborhood that have handlebar mustaches. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache but don't try to have a conversation with me like you don't have a handlebar mustache.

Catherine: He said, "Man, we are right by the Adige River. These buildings are 200-300 years old, they have rats everywhere. Even the five-star restaurants have rats!" Somehow he made me feel like the asshole for bringing up rats! I don't know what kind of jedi mind trick that was - it confused the hell out of me because I still ended up ordering food then.

Cyrus: So we talk for a little bit. She says stuff, I say stuff, she says stuff, I say stuff. You know how a conversation works.

Celeste: I get upset easily by people. I saw this guy- he was on the phone. He had the phone between the ear and shoulder like that, but he didn't have anything in his hands. Which is really upsetting! Who the hell do you think you are? This action for people that are multitasking. Where's your other task? You're not doing anything else.

Daphne: He'd be the worst real estate agent ever. "Right here we have a 34 bedroom house. Let me show you around the property. Great features to this place, some of the rooms have extra, smaller rooms in them."

Delilah: I was in Scotland for all of August and it was the darkest time of my life. Mostly 'cause they call cookies biscuits. I don't like that at all. It was an incredible culture shock for me, tough to adjust but I tried for a few weeks. Pass me the chocolate chip BISCUITS. Let's have biscuits and milk, everybody. I love Oreo biscuits. But, in the fourth week, I couldn't handle it no more. THOSE ARE COOKIES THOSE AREN'T BISCUITS. Those are cookies. Cookies are cookies and biscuits are biscuits. If you call cookies biscuits, what do you call biscuits 'cause I'm not saying scones.

Everett: I did not move to Verona with a plan. The first time I moved to Verona, I just popped up. My sister was living here in Verona. I just popped up. She had her baby and a husband, and I just popped up. "Hey, what's up? I got $200 and dreams. Let's do this."

Genevieve: I can't just look at a status and move along. I see a status got 36 'likes' — can't accept it got 36 'likes' and move along. I got to click on it and start reading the names of the people that liked it. "Oh, yeah. Jim would 'like' some shit like that."

Grace: Yo ma, money over everything.

Halcyon: Awe man, I gotta get a team. I don't have a team, I just have friends. I call up my friend, "Hey man, I know you're my friend but I need you on my team right now."

Hazel: You have a regular-sized tub and a miniature tub, the sink.

Henry: You never know what could happen when you go into a store - somebody might pull a Tonya Harding on you and break your knee cap. And now you got your knees all fucked up just ‘cause you wanted to get that vinyl.

Hugo: It sounds like God owed someone some money and they couldn’t get to him, so they murked his son. That’s what I really think happened. Jesus got stabbed up in an alley… but it’s easier to sell crucifixes. You can’t sell a pendant of someone getting shanked up in the alley. It’s a marketing scheme.

Ivan: Come to your place at 5:00 in the morning, eat your food, drink your drinks, leave at 6:30 without fucking like it’s cool. That’s a passive burglary.

Isabelle: Two separate charges $400 at Barnes and Noble. Who balls out of control at Barnes and Noble?

Juliana: Believe in yourself like one of those weird-ass clothing stores that only have six shirts in them. So many questions. How much do these shirts cost? How long have y'all been here? Why is there a DJ?

Katarina: Kill people, burn shit, fuck school, I hate spam emails! That's annoying! You think you have an email from a friend but it's spam.

Lucien: I believe in my ability to not spill food in my pants 'cause I'm a goddamn adult. And I've mastered the art of getting food from my plate to my mouth without messing up my jeans. You need to believe in yourself, too and get your life together, that's for babies. Have some confidence in your eating abilities and hand/eye coordination.

Lucrezia: I'VE ALREADY SEEN LIMITLESS.

Lillian: I'm not a club person, I'm more of a bar/lounge type of person. But, I'll go anywhere if you give me a free bottle of alcohol.

Mikael: I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon.

Matthias: It's a weird emotion when you're flattered and cynical at the same time. "Oh, that's nice that you would say that, but what the fuck are you up to?"

Marcelo: I just wear black and gray all the time. If you Google Image me, you'll just see a bunch of black and gray. It's simple. If I like a shirt, I'll buy six or eight of them, wear them back-to-back, and just wait for somebody to say something. "That's the same shirt you wore yesterday." "Yeah, but this one is fresh."

Maeve: When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.

Nikolai: But this time, it was me and this old lady we were jaywalking together. We weren't together like that. But if we were, so what? Mind your business.

Odessa: It was a phone interview and sometimes when I do phone interviews and the journalist is boring, I just start saying crazy stuff to make it fun for me.

Olivio: There have been times I’ve been out, and my phone battery is at nine percent, and I was like, "Time to go home."

Orion: Don’t thank the lord. I gave you that compliment, thank me.

Priam: I lost my debit card recently, had five charges on it before I caught it. First charge, $30 Chuckee Cheese. Who goes to Chuckee Cheese as soon as they find a debit card? Are you serious?

Paola: I applied for a job at Starbucks. One of the questions was, 'Why do you want to work at Starbucks?' Uh, because my life is in shambles.

Pandora: I don't even know how to use a semicolon to this day, I use a comma every time. And you know what? If I email somebody and they get upset about me using a comma instead of a semicolon, that's not a person I want to work with anyway. And that's how you weed people out of your life.

Ramona: I went into this restaurant in Verona called The Two Gentlemen. Went into the bathroom at The Two Gentlemen, huuuuge rat in the bathroom at The Two Gentlemen and the rat looked at me like "the fuck you doing here?" That was his vibe, very negative vibe.

Rafaella: Sometimes I get drunk and I get into arguments with taxi drivers. And I get out the cab and I slam the door. That's not the way to win an argument with a taxi driver. The way to win is you get out of the cab and you leave the door open.

Regina: And that was the first time in my life, without any sarcasm, I could say, "What? You want a cookie or something?" Because any other time you say that, you being mean, but I meant it from my heart. "How many cookies you want, man? You want seven cookies? That's way too many cookies. You're being ridiculous right now. You can take, like, three or four cookies and get out of my face. Otherwise, you're taking advantage of my generosity."

Ronan: Wack.

Roman: In my hometown of Verona, I'm kind of a medium deal.

Theodora: We got interns at the job. You can just tell them to do stuff. You gotta be nice, though. I had this cat fax something. I handed him a couple of pages, and I handed him another page. I said, "Hey, man, fax something for yourself, too."

Tomas: Rap videos confuse me cause they have to be continued at the end but the never make a sequel. Where’s the second video? There’s so much suspense!

Trinity: I was at the airport and there was this kid, four or five years old walking with his mommy, fixed his fingers in a fake gun, and then took a shot at me. And I'm looking at the wall to see if there's something on the wall he could've been shooting at 'cause I'm in denial. I look back at him, he looks me in the eyes and takes too more shots. Now I'm hit three times, that's an act of aggression. I need to defend myself.

Valentina: Morpheus, Dorpheus, Orpheus, go eat some walruses. Orifices, porridges. Morpheus, Morpheus. Going to the Buffet and Walruses. Confidence, corpseses. Worcestershire sauce. Go into your orifices. Red pill, blue pill. Morpheus, walruses. Seashells by the seashorpheus. MORPHEUS DRINKING A FORTY IN THE DEATH BASKET.

Vivianne: "We'll keep you in our thoughts" With the other bullshit in your heads? No, keep me out of your thoughts, because I hear some of the stuff you talk about and if that's close to what you're thinking about, I don't want to be around that, so keep me and my family out of your thoughts, unless you're thinking of making me a sandwich.

[emptymanuscript]

Pirate Pirate Bo Birate

Time to organize (snort) with EPICAL. My pet thought experiement. Events Personalities Ideas Contexts Architectures & Language.

Tool 1A: What do I know? Are any of the Aspects already determined about my story?

What do I know about Pirates? I know it is ABOUT pirates, in the positive sense. This is a Jack Sparrow, Wesley (Dread Pirate Roberts), and Long John Silver style pirate story. The Pirate is primarily protagonistic rather than the protagonists being menaced by pirates.

So we know some of P-personalities. The Protagonist will be a pirate, someone who wants the right thing (from the story’s point of view) but who is extremely comfortable breaking rules to get to that point.

Which tells us some of E - events. If our protagonist is comfortable breaking rules, then they must be challenged in a way where rules can’t be the barrier to success OR success is only possible by sticking to unpleasant rules.

And, you know, I immediately like that. I want that as part of what the Protagonist must overcome, sticking to rules that they would rather not.

What about I - ideas? Well if there’s the challenge of sticking to rules you would rather break, then there’s got to be some aspect of theme related to the idea of order and self control. Which sounds like a maturation plot to me. The protagonist has to learn that sometimes the way you do a thing is as important or maybe even more important than what you do.

This also tells us more about P. Our protagonist’s Achilles heel will need to be a lack of self control and adherence to decorum. So bad that they self sabotage because it’s just easier to just take what they want. And only something truly worth it can get them to even consider behaving properly. The Juvenile delinquent.

Now some C - context is necessarily given. Pirates means the age of sail. Pirates means charming rogues. Pirates mean over the top adventure. Exotic locales and the wide wonder and danger of the sea.

Architectures will be fairly standard because that’s what Pirate stories are. A standard adventure except good and bad cultural values slip. And the end is the proof that we’ve been right all along and the Pirate IS a hero.

Language is pretty open but tends toward more heroic speech. These are larger than life people and unless the character is supposed to be an idiot as a defining trait, they all have a bit of the Actor chewing the scene about them.

So, that’s not much but it is SOMETHING to start with.

Tool1B: What don’t I know?

I don’t know what the Protagonist is trying to do why. I don’t know what they want. But I do have an inkling of what they need: maturity/self control. So the want will be a misaligned version of that.

I don’t know what events precede the launch of the action. I don’t know what event demands the Protagonist to act. I don’t know what events keep them in place. I don’t know what events teach them so they change. I don’t know what events would prove a victory/loss condition.

I don’t know the deeper statement of what the story is about. I don’t even know the surface idea of: It’s a story about an X who wants a Y but when Z happens they must A or B.

I don’t know specifically what contexts from the outside world I want to reflect in the inside world.

I don’t know what subtype of a standard plot and arc I am drawing on.

I don’t know if I should give any real concern to altered language or not.

Ugh, that’s a lot not to know.

Tool1C: Given what I know, how do I figure out what I don’t?

Ok, well, I see that standard Architecture statement. So, nothing fancy, but what exactly is Standard?

Well, I feel like every pirate story I can think of falls into one of four fuzzy boxes. There’s a monster and the pirates have to save the day, Maybe. That’s Pirates of the Caribbean. All of them. There’s Coming of Age, which is Pirates of the Carribean’s subplot with Elizabeth and Will but the masterwork is Treasure Island, where Jim is forced to mature and delve into the trickier problems of  adult morality by his experiences with the Pirates. There’s the wish fulfillment tale. Again, used in most as subplots, but the golden triumph is The Princess Bride, the “villains” of the piece are able to work against the true villains and be powerful through the power of their banditry. On Stranger Tides, the real one, not the Pirates of the Caribean movie with the same title, also falls into there, with piracy and magic enabling the hero to save the day. And finally, Buddy Love, which is almost always a subplot. But you know, while I’m sure they’re there, I can’t think of a buddy love main plot off hand. Which tells me I should cut it. I love Fezzik and Inigo but that helps the story, it’s not the center. So, alright, down to three.

I’ve already talked about it probably needing to be maturation. So, let’s just go with that. Everything else can go in there as subplots and adventures anyway. But let’s make the heart of Pirates a Rite of Passage tale.

Which needs: A problem with the Main Character’s life itself. That child ain’t right. So, ok, She’s a juvenile delinquent. And I guess she’s now a she. All she wants to do is have some fun. And if it hurts someone, that’s fine. Scratch that. If there’s some real danger and she can win and throw it in someone’s face, that’s better. If the choice is treasure or thumbing her nose at the person she is scrapping with, she’ll thumb her nose.

Now, she’s got the wrong way to fix this problem. The Wrong Way is what really makes coming of age stories work. Because she doesn’t see her behavior as a problem. She’s got some false problem. I want Buddy Love elements because I love Fezzik and Inigo, so let’s say she’s lost her Buddy and thinks she’s gotta go find her and rescue her and be a badass. But the deep issue is the above, that she HAS to one up the other guy. She has to get her wild on in the same way an alcoholic has to drink. She can’t help it, and her Buddy is in danger until she figures out that is the problem, not that she isn’t tough / heroic / badass enough.

The happy ending, and fuck it, I don’t do unhappy endings, is that the MC makes peace with the realities of life and who and what they are. They learn to value positive things rather than flee into their destructive behavior. So, with the above, that means - her name is now Ashala until I think of something better. And her buddy is Bogey, for no good reason - Ashala has to come to accept that her behavior is putting Bogey in Danger and to realize that Bogey is more important to her than winning at any cost. More importantly, she gets that her scallywaggery is her way of running from her deeper issues, that she feels powerless and taken advantage of and is over compensating by a mile. So, the subtext is her looking that in the eye.

And that gives us a framework for our architecture:

We need:

Scenes showing why Ashala has decided to become a Scallywag.

Scenes where it gets her into so much trouble she has to double down.

Scenes where someone warns her about her problem and she doesn’t listen.

Scenes where she loses Bogey. - Act Change -

Scenes where everything she does to get Bogey back makes it worse.

Scenes where her enemy provokes her into making it seriously worse.

Scenes where it starts to register, hey maybe I’m the problem, but nah.

Scenes where something happens where she can’t get Bogey back the way things were - 1/2 way point.

Scenes where Ashala takes what she has learned and applies them to the chase, allowing her to start catching up.

Scenes where the antagonist, I’m suddenly going to call her Mallie, shows she is willing to cheat more than Ashala ever would.

Scenes where Ashala uses the expectations of her to skip through Mallie’s defenses and reach the final battle.

It’s a trap! Something terrible happens, I dunno, maybe it looks like Mallie has killed Bogey. 3/4 mark. We’ll think on it.

But, because Ashala has learned her lesson, Bogey is able to send her a last bit of help and the final leg of the chase is on.

Ashala finds Mallie, is totally a hero, and they sail off into the sunset better people.

That is barebones suckage.

But it’s enough to start with.

And I should stop procrastinating. I’m gonna wing it all anyway.

[loosecatspen]

Stranger at the Tavern

                                     Stranger at the tavern

Atsi leaned into the snowy wind. Her arms folded tightly against her chest. Eyes focused intensely on the chimney poking out of the snow. She crested a large snow bank and the building came into full view. It was small, wooden thing that could have easily been confused for a small house that had been built against the mountainside. A constant patron, however; knew that it was only the front entrance to a bigger building that had been carved into the mountainside itself. Atsi’s mouth watered at the thought of the warm food and hot drink that awaited her inside.

Carefully, she stepped onto the first of the Icy steps. The snow had beaten down by the heavy feet of Trags who frequently walked the path from their village to their mines. Cutting a two feet high path through the snow that allowed Atsi to walk quickly to the tavern. However the path had thick patches of Ice that was most likely created by the consistent weight. the stairs were no different, requiring her full attention and exposing her to the harsh wind. Her legs were numb when she managed the last step and was back in the trough again. Noticing with some surprise that there were several fresh tracks heading into the large double doors that marked the stable entrance. Smythe’s tavern was popular, but it was rarely this popular. Must be some big occasion given the calls of the horses.

Atsi’s foot caught on a patch of ice and she stumbled, barely catching herself before her face hit the snow. Trembling from surprise, she awkwardly ran to the thick door and pushed against it. It creaked heavily before finally moving. She pushed harder and it swung wide open. Releasing a blast of heat, light, and the sharp scent of beer from inside.

Atsi dove in and pushed it closed. For a moment she leaned against the door, thawing from the heat of the building. I always forget how far it really is. She thought to herself as she pulled off her cloak and held it up. It took a moment before it levitated and joined the small clump of cloaks hovering near the ceiling. Atsi pulled her brown hair back from her neck and nervously twisted to the side, pulling her shoulders back. She heard a small pop, relaxed, and headed into the tavern’s main room. It was bigger than it seemed on the outside, thanks in no small part to Mrs. Smythe and the mountain it had been built under. The roof was a few feet higher than the average human house, but it was perfect for the Trags who frequented the place. A lot of whom were crowded around the center hearth. Mugs of beer raised as they sang in celebration. With how clipped their voices were, it sounded like their version of a bachelor party.  

I wonder who it is? Atsi thought as she started around the left edge of the room. Squeezing past a few round tables pressed a little too close to the wall. Why am I thinking about that? It isn't my place. I want to eat. She passed the side hearth, whose roaring flame heated the entire building, and it baked her back as she passed it. After that, she had more room to move as she went to the bar in the back. One Trag noticed her-A’ren- as she passed, and raised his mug in acknowledgement before winking. Atsi nodded to him and stuck her hands in her pockets. Suddenly self aware about her body language. Was she acting in any way that would draw sexual attention? Certainly not from A’ren, but from any other Trag? Was her gait wrong? We're her gloves on too loosely?

Stop it. Atsi ordered herself. Worrying about it might actually cause it to happen. That didn't stop her from being conscious of her rear though.

She quickly forgot when she sat at one of the tall stools at the bar, watching as the Trag waitress dealt with another customer. Like all female Trags, she was hairless and had small blue plates growing on her head. Forming a thick crown that showed her age: thirty in Trag years, fifty in human. Danta always struck Atsi as an odd one; she wore a loose upper shirt that had a jagged tear under the breast. Exposing her midriff, and a skirt that stopped just above her knees. Most Trag women wore long sleeved dresses in the winter. Why did Danta dress so brashly against the weather?

Atsi shook her head as the waitress passed, index finger raised so the teen knew she would be a moment, it wasn't her place to question. So why bother?

Out of curiosity Atsi turned to see who Danta was serving. She was very surprised to see a human boy at the counter. He ordered something, to which Danta shook her head; Moving her hands in a circular motion as she explained.

Given her response the kid had probably ordered beer. He didn't seem upset though, which was better than most adults, just confused; though that cleared up as she explained.

Even our lightest beer is brewed too strong for the average human. It is best if you go with something else. Might I suggest blank? Atsi thought, The words almost leaving her lips as well. She should probably talk to Mrs. Smythe about having more days to work. Her rent had risen above her current earnings.

Danta gave the boy a mug and poured him a pitcher soft Arroe before sliding his order to the back room. Finally, she came over to Atsi.

“Long time no see.” Danta smirked. “What brings you here after so long?”

Atsi felt somewhat insulted, it was probably friendly banter, but she had to be sure. “Do you mean working or visiting?”

“Visiting, silly human.” The Trag’s green eyes sparkled. “So, what’ll it be?”

“I’ll have a grilled chicken sandwich with pickles, onion, tomatoe, lettuce, and wheat free bread; salted potato stalks with seasoned tomato paste, and a mug of soft Arroe brew.”

Danta wrote down her order as Atsi spoke and slapped it on the counter behind her. “Atsi special coming right up. Do you want refills?”

“Today, absolutely.” Atsi said, accepting the mug with resolve. It warmed her hands through her thick gloves.

“What's the occasion?” Danta asked, holding out the number card.

“I finished the rough draft for my thesis.”

“Wonderful!” Danta beamed at her young friend. “Your food will be out in a minute.”

“Thanks.” Atsi nodded and hopped down from the stool. She noticed the stranger following her lead, but he hesitated when she sat down at an empty table. He looked around, but seemed unnerved by the bald, muscular Trags. “You can sit here if you want.” Atsi suggested.

The boy breathed a sigh of relief and sat across from her, pulling a chair with a hesitant hand. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Atsi took a swig of her drink. The Arroe brew was rich, sweet and creamy, with just a bit of spice that warmed the stomach. Non-alcoholic. Atsi never saw the point in drinking the stuff anyway, Why risk a hangover?

“So, uh, what are you doing up here?” The newcomer asked as she lowered her mug. He had grayish-brown skin that indicated he came from slightly warmer regions, brown hair, and similarly dark eyes. He was fiddling with his travel bag, fitting it awkwardly on his lap.

“Writing my magic thesis, for school.” Atsi wiped the foam off her mouth with her arm and then held her gloved hand out, palm up, in greeting. “My name is Atsi.”

Atsi’s glow should have been dampened by her gloves, as was acceptable for women in her culture. Instead what little magic she had fed into a machine, powering metal “circuits” that made the palm of her glove glow with energy.

The newcomer hesitated, looking at her with curious but alarmed eyes. Still, he cleared his throat and held his bare hand out above hers, palm down, and it glowed from fingertip to the top of his wrist with white magic. “My name is Tahule. What's up with your magic?”

“I have a defect. A lightning guide helped me make gloves to help with metal.

“Ah. What's with the floating pitchers and candles?” He jerked his head towards the ceiling.

“Hm?” Atsi looked up to see the shining metal bobbing around the ceiling for the thousandth time. “Oh those! Mrs. Smythe- her husband owns this tavern- is a Great Mage. Since there’s not that many people in need of a job right now, she compensates with her magic. The pitchers give you refills, see?” Atsi drained her cup and held it above her head. A pitcher floated over and then tipped. Sending just the right amount of Arroe brew into her mug before straightening. Atsi took another swig with a smile. “Very useful don’t you think?” She said unto her mug.

“Very.” He smiled. “What’s your magic thesis about?”

“Do Trags have magic. I firmly believe they do, it just expresses itself differently.” Atsi’s words were more forceful than she meant them too.

“Where did you get that idea?” He looked intrigued. Of course, not many people Atsi knew questioned how magic worked. Two years ago she thought she was the only one who had come up with her theory, and therefore was a genius. Now that she was older though it was clear that there were many who wondered the same thing she was, but were exploring it in different ways. If there was a similar thesis out there, then she had not heard of it yet.

“Well, my defect helped, but also look at the Trags. You and I, we have to bundle up in three layers of clothing before going out in this weather. They, they put on long sleeves and a vest. There’s no concern about their shoulder or head plating, so it's not the cause. Unless it generates their magic. Like a human's heart crystal.” She paused to gauge his reaction before continuing, probably before he could think up a response. “They have no issues with the cold where we would normally get frostbite, in fact i’ve seen Danta over there go out in just that. Which most wear in summer! Can you believe it?”

“You live with them?!” Tahule looked alarmed.

“Of course, they’re sentient people and are quite civilized, in their own way.”

“Not respecting the rights of women is hardly what I call civilized.” He said, looking concerned.

“Who told you that? Just because some explorer saw that the women weren’t wearing gloves does not mean none of them are virgins. Just because someone is comfortable exposing more skin than someone else doesn’t mean they’re not civilized. In fact, hiding certain parts of your skin is considered shameful in most Trag cultures. Actually, they very deeply respect the rights of women and come down hard when anyone-” Atsi broke off before she amped up into a rant. “Ah, you see that group over there?” She pointed behind Tahule, who turned and looked.

“Yeah?”

“That is their version of a bachelor party. Do you want to know more?”

[axmrdbahjad-blog]

The Roadmap To Wealth

First thing First - Where Am I?

“Unexamined life is not worth living.” — Socrates.

I cannot go forward until I am honest with myself. Primarily, I must know where I am. I am working for a company. Like millions of people, I went to university and then hoping I’d work and earn decent wages. It turned out that was a big mistake. University does not guarantee financial independence. One will be an educated servant. And to be frank, I’m one of those who despise working for companies, governments or organisations. Instead, I love working for myself by providing service and products to companies, organisations and maybe governments. Still, there is no security for being an employee. People are made redundant. Some found their true calling after life pushed them around. Surely you’ve heard of the saying that necessity is the mother of invention. Before it’s too late I want to get out of being employee scenario. The future of the culture is uncertain. Think about the economic and political crisis. Brexit is a good proof that the Western politics and economy is in a bad shape. In addition to that, thousands of jobs are going away and they won’t come back. The living expenses are on the rise while the salaries are stagnant.

“In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity.” — Sun Tzu.

If I want to be wealth, I must do things differently. So, I have decided to write a roadmap for my way to be financially independent. These are seven simple steps I must walk in that effort. This concise book with the seven simple steps is my road to accumulate wealth. The book could have extended 200 pages I shortened it for the sake of simplicity and clarity.

Chapter 1 — Know Yourself Well

“Know yourself Ill, know others and victory is certain.” — Sun Tzu.

There is one area I will be looking at in this segment; namely, character.

Character Traits

Faith — I have to work on my faith of the future. Strength — I have been learning how to deal with disappointments and challenges. I’m getting better than three years ago. Selfless — I must put other people before myself. Service — I must provide service and go the extra mile. Acceptance — I must be comfortable with the things I cannot change and change the ones I can. Courage — I must have the courage to change the things in myself and community. Concentration — the single important quality of an excellent mind is the ability to concentrate and shut out all else. Diligence — work is vital for the human mind and body. Work smartly. After all, hard doesn't bring wealth. Love — loving is good. Morality — I’m conservative in many ways when it comes to Detachment — I must do the work and focus on the process rather than the results. Patience — if I have done my work diligently, I must have the ability to wait the result. Perseverance — If I start something, I must complete without discouragement. Purity — cleanliness is everything. I must take care of my clothes, shoes, beddings and so on. Self-Restraint — the ability to uphold myself from going out while everyone is going out, to drink alcohol, sodas and smoke cigarettes and overeating foods. Sincerity — I must be sincere even when I’m wrong. Truthfulness — truth over everything is the best quality to have.

Character traits I must avoid

Conceit — narcissism and excessive self-loving is bad idea for the long run. Criticism — I used to criticise policies and bad behaviours. I don't do criticism. It is a waste of time. Jealousy — this is a disease and it kills the jealous person sooner or later. Laziness — it is another human disease. Whenever I think about taking action and I think about the weather or the long hours that thing may take, I do it anyway. Partiality — half hearted is not the good way of doing work. Want of Fame — doing something for the sake of being famous is narcissism. I leave that for Obama and Trump and other ambitious folks. Want of Sympathy — Talking about my challenges is not the right to solve them. I avoid to receive sympathy.

Self-Inventory

I usually talk to strangers. And thus connect with them easily. Therefore, my personality suits customer service provider. I’m good at communicating with people. Essentially, I get along with people from different walks of life because I know what to say and not say in human relations. Therefore, I am a good salesperson. I know what people want. And I know how to provide their needs well. According to Napoleon Hill, there are 25 ways to develop a pleasing personality:

1 Positive Mental Attitude- The right mental attitude in any given situation. The most important aspect of a Attractive Personality. Symbolised by Faith, integrity, hope, optimism, courage, initiative, generosity, tolerance, kindliness, tact, and common sense. 2 Flexibility- Being able to adapt yourself to changing circumstances. 3 Sincerity of Purpose- Insincerity is evident on your expressions. 4 Promptness of Decision- Messing around doesn't create popularity. 5 Courtesy- Respect other peoples feelings. 6 Tact- Doing and saying the right things at the right moments. 7 Tone of Voice- Control your tone of voice so it creates meaning. 8 Habit of Smiling- Smile when your angry. 9 Facial Expressions- You can tell whats going on with a person by their expressions. 10 Tolerance- Being fair toward all opinions. 11 Frankness of Speech and Manner- Be honest and tell the truth. 12 A Sense of Humour- Allows you and others to relax. 13 Faith in Intelligence- Faith is the essence of all great achievement. 14 The Appropriate use of words- Careful and attentive effort. 15 Effective Speech- You will become a powerful communicator. 16 Emotional Control- Much of what we do is directed by our feelings. 17 Alertness of Interest- Show the people you interact with that you interested. 18 Versatility- Know what your talking about or don’t say anything. 19 Fondness for People- Like others, and you will be liked in return. 20 Humility- Do not brag 21 Effective Showmanship- Let others know they are doing great. 22 Clean Sportsmanship- Lose without complaining. 23 A good handshake- A firm and friendly handshake. 24 Personal Magnetism- Feel good about yourself. 25 A keen Sense of Justice- You cannot deal justly with others if your not just with yourself.

Chapter 2 — Know Others Well

“Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win” ― Sun Tzu.

It is always good to treat people with respect even if they are unkind to me. It is not about them! Every situation reveals my character in a nutshell. If a person swears or being rude to me and I react to his/her action, then I’m not mature enough to handle my life. There are three essentials for communication: 1 I must know when to initiate a conversation and when to stop. 2 I must know how to deal with both rude and kind people. 3 I must know how to talk with powerful and powerless. I used to be a debater at university and college. Moreover, I’d argue with people at teashops, bus stops and workplace. I realised (that) the people didn't want to accept evidence or acts, they just wanted to debate for the sake of being right even they ere wrong. I do not debate with people unless I know the other person is open to new evidence. Why? I learnt from wise people not to waste your time with trifle arguments. If I know people well, it will enable me to provide what they need. Overall, it will make easy to communicate with them.

Chapter 3 — Build Strong Community Businesses

"I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live." — George Bernard Shaw.

“I cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibres connect us with our fellow men.” – Herman Melville.

“If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” – African Proverb.

I believe that the day the government ruled is coming to an end. And community is replacing its place. Community is more humane. It is about caring and sharing. It is about love. It’s putting people before money. It is about taking care of the elderly and the weakest in our midst. It is about give and take.

Start Small Businesses - Multiple Sources of Income.

“Great results, can be achieved with small forces.” ― Sun Tzu.

I sat down and jot down some of the things my community needs. So I can provide some of these demands. People need a teacher, especially the adults even though they do not know it. The young adults need assistance of their homework. Thus, I can be a tutor. I can supply their fruits and bread and milk. I can make a deal with a farmer and supply these needs to the community. I can clean houses of careerists who don't have time for their own backyards. I can sell clothes on the street and online. I can massage health lovers. I can cook healthy homemade food. And start street food. These are some of the demands came to mind. There could be more business ideas if I do not stop there. For now, these are enough to keep me busy and strategise. Therefore, I will provide three of these needs.

Chapter 4 — Resisting the Temptation

“Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction.” —Rumi.

“The King is the man who can.”

—Carlyle.

“All the world cries, Where is the man who will save us? We want a man! Don't look so far for this man. You have him at hand. This man—it is you, it is I; it is each one of us!... How to constitute one's self a man? Nothing harder, if one knows not how to will it; nothing easier, if one wills it.” —Alexander Dumas.

It is time to do the right thing and preserve my individuality in a culture which abhors independent minds. It is time to have the courage to say” “No,” while all the world say: “Yes.”

Chapter 5 — Where Is My Market?

“Opportunities? They am all around us ... There is power lying latent everywhere waiting for the observant eye to discover it.” �� Orison Swett Marden.

“Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.” —Thomas Carlyle.

“I will either find a way, or make one.” — Hannibal Barca.

“You see, but you do not observe.” —Sherlock Holmes.

Opportunities are everywhere. I can clean the wealth people’s houses, do massage, become nannie, tutor, and salesperson. I can improve existing services and products. I create new services and products. How about producing personal helicopters? So people can skip the traffic jam! How about becoming a playwright and screenwriter? I can describe the mundane of every day life. And find the good things about living in a life of routine. Opportunities are what I want. If I don't know what I want, then I can provide what others want.

Chapter 6 — Share My Experiences

“Learn From Yesterday, Live for Today, hope for tomorrow.” ― Orison Swett Marden.

It’s been said that we remember what write down. We better remember what we teach. There is no better way to learn than teaching the little one already knows. Moreover, it is a good way to share one’s experience and knowledge. These are three ways I share what I’m doing or know: I blog my unfinished or finished work; I tweet quotations of my books; and email some people in my list. I also take action by going guerrilla marketing on the streets of the city I’m in. For example, I have a little stall and give free advice about marketing, business ideas, health and creative writing. It is a good way to let others know you are still around. More importantly, it is rewarding to help folks. After all, sharing is caring.

Chapter 7 — Daily Learning

“The crisis consists precisely in the fact that the old is dying and the new cannot be born; in this interregnum a great variety of morbid symptoms appear.” — Antonio Gramsci.

There are 7 ways I can engage in daily learning. The first way to learn is to listen to good books, conversation and stories daily. Second, it is to read beneficial books. Third, it is apprenticeship ourselves. I must do things I want to get better at it daily. Fourth, attending seminars and workshop is essential. Fifth, draw and write what you experienced. Sixth, I must be part of a learning group. Seventh, I must write a diary to monitor my activities and what I want to learn. Learn three things above anything else: Religion, moneymaking and health lifestyle. Niebuhr said that religion is good people and bad for bad people. Religion is good for the soul. It’s our duty to praise our Creator. Learn and master the art of selling. It is the best way to accumulate wealth. Learn something new every day. Summing up, I have identified seven steps to becoming wealth. They are simple and short to understand them. Having said that, they are hard to follow in times like these. We have so much distractions—smartphones, television, news, soup operas and political shows. After self-inventorying myself, I realise it is not so much about what I do should. Rather, it is what I don't do, for example, getting  rid of bad habits; checking my smartphone, emails, socialising with people I cannot learn something new and going out. In addition to that, I have stopped spending money on designer clothes, holidays, tea, coffee, bus and toothpaste. By the way, I use Somali tooth stick. It’s healthier and cheaper. I have to add that bit just in case some of you interpret it I’m no longer into oral hygiene.

In Conclusion

Lovely readers, You are reading this because you want to change your current lifestyle or inquisitive to know what is out there. If you have learnt something new or motivated by this concise book, you must share it with someone you care about. Sharing is caring. Thank you and I wish you every success! Axmed Bahjad, the author.

[poptarts-and-rainbows]

It’s been 96 hours.

Personal story/venting time. I’m trying to get sober.

I don’t have any friends where I’m located- which is my own fault, I have a tendency to isolate myself while I warm up to new environments enough to feel comfortable talking to people (and I’m moving again in a couple months, so I honestly don’t really even see the point in going through the effort of getting to know people and learning to care about them, just to leave and have to say goodbye and hurt again in March).

Plus, I’ve been spiraling for a bit, so the couple of long-distance friends that I *can* talk to about things are probably starting to get sick of my drama. The last few weeks have been especially difficult and they’ve had to help me a lot. Not to mention, the one is on vacation in Vegas right now and the other is hanging out with her boyfriend tonight, and I don’t want to bother her.

So… here I am, screaming into the void of Tumblr again.

I’ll keep all other details under the cut because it’s kind of a lot, and most people won’t care or want to see this all over their dash.

Anyway. I’ve had a problem with drinking for… close to the last 9 (ish) years. The first couple of years weren’t actually problematic levels, but that’s when I first learned I love the burn of alcohol. Especially vodka. Before I could purchase my own supply I didn’t really drink all of that often- it was just hard to get my hands on and I hadn’t learned how to function during a hangover yet, so one good binge could keep me tied over for a while, back before I finally turned 21.

Then, as it goes, things got progressively worse. I developed a severe problem quite rapidly. Honestly… it started almost immediately. I guess it was always just waiting.

The weekend of my 21st birthday, the very first time I legally went to a bar, I nearly died- Trexx. I didn’t know it at the time, but my friends were trying to get me to come out, so they took me to the best gay bar in all of Syracuse. Plus, Thursday nights? College night. Buy one get one free, all night, and the best Drag Show I’ve ever seen (I’ve been to a few since then- in different States and in other countries).

My birthday was on a Monday that year. That night I went out to a restaurant and my friend bought me a beer with dinner- but liquor has always been my vice (although I did foray into the world of wine for a while, as it is more socially acceptable to be a wino than drink a bottle of vodka alone), so I sipped politely on my glass of Blue Moon and just bid my time until Thursday.

When Thursday finally came, not only did I throw back 18 drinks in about four hours, my dumb drunk-ass barricaded myself in the bathroom stall (of which there were only two) to throw up, and then drifted in/out of consciousness for several minutes. With there only being two stalls, people noticed- and it was actually one of the Drag Queens got me out.

I couldn’t even see clearly when I opened my eyes, but I recognized her green wig. I’d spoken to her earlier in the night, one of my friends was a “Townie” (born and raised in Syracuse, but also going to the school) and knew her, and she’d bought me a drink in celebration of my big day, and gave me the chip for the second free drink too. When she helped pull me to my feet, she called me sweetie and asked if I was ok. I brushed the concern off with an easy smile and told her I would go look for my friends- she let me go.

When I went into the main room, the bouncer did not. I guess I was obviously out of it. I was probably stumbling and about to pass out, or puke right there on the floor. I still couldn’t see anything, but I still remember hearing him say “this one is done” and feeling him grab my shoulders. The next thing I knew, I was outside on my hands and knees in the snow. I wanted to just lay down, but I kept thinking “I’m right in front of the door. If I stay here, I’ll be in the way and people will step on me.”

So I got up, wearing nothing but flats, skinny jeans, and a t-shirt, in the middle of winter in Upstate New York, and stumbled down the road. I found a stoop about a block away and sat down. I threw up over the guard rail and stayed there until the bar was closing, about two hours later. People had passed by pretty consistently, a few had asked if I was ok- but, because I couldn’t talk, I would just hold up my thumb and they would keep moving. One group, at closing time, stopped and asked if I want to Syracuse University- I nodded, they said they would take me back to campus, and I reluctantly agreed. I couldn’t stop shivering. Then one of the girls in the group recognized me, I had pink streaks in my hair at the time and we’d also met earlier that night through my Townie friend, so she went back inside to get my friends who had been freaking out for hours. I made it home fine, but I missed all of my classes the next day and threw up until Monday.

That was just the beginning. My first real introduction ended in disaster, but it didn’t stop me.

I was recovered by the next weekend and did it again. Then again… and again. I learned not to wander off, but I always drank hard and fast. I didn’t even make it to my 22nd birthday before I had friends telling me they were worried. That summer, my mom gave me a book about drinking too much (”Smashed”). The author actually also went to Syracuse. I skimmed it with mild interest, but she started drinking when was 14. I was an adult. What I did was legal, and nothing really bad had ever really happened. I was fine.

The next semester began and I got better at hiding it. I bought bottles and drank, secretly, in my room when I was supposed to be studying- it was cheaper than going out anyways, and nobody else had to know. When my friends and I did go out, I would split off “to meet another group” after so I could go get obliterated at the bar closest to my apartment, without worrying anybody. It was college, anyways. Land of keg stands and unlimited beer pong. Everyone did it, I was fine.

Right before my 23rd birthday, I joined the Army. During the first 8 weeks (Basic Training),  there was no alcohol. Hell, we were excited when we were allowed to have chocolate milk! Through that time, I didn’t miss drinking- but, it was mostly because they literally worked us to exhaustion every single day. There was no time to miss it.

After Basic, we left to our Advanced Individual Training locations (technical training), but we still lived under a lot of rules. We could earn different privileges/freedoms, but we still technically weren’t supposed to drink, but it didn’t take long for the people who earned the right to leave base early in our training cycle to start coming back to us with stories of bars, parties, and getting wasted.

By that time, I was close to 3 months sober- and I hadn’t even had to try! I didn’t crave it right away, but they reminded me it existed. I didn’t earn my off-post privileges for a while, so I had one of my friends smuggle me back a bottle of vodka in a jug of orange juice as soon as I could- and, oh god, the first familiar burn of that liquor… it felt like going home. Getting my friends who were allowed off base to bring me back alcohol was harder than getting older students to buy it for me when I was a Freshman, though, so I was still fine.

Once we graduated and all joined the “Real” Army, however, those restrictions were gone. When I was off duty, nobody cared what I did (drinking-wise), as long as I was back by morning and able to do my job.

In the beginning, I was still new to the Army. I was still scared of everyone, this whole new world I lived it, and I desperately wanted to make a good impression. So I only drank on the weekends, Friday and Saturday nights, like a sensible person.

Did I still drink excessively those two nights a week, loosing track of how many shots I had after eight or nine? Did I eventually start finishing a whole bottle of vodka in a single weekend, alone? Yeah… and then that bottle became one and a half. Then I started to chase my hard liquor with wine coolers. Eventually, two nights weren’t enough. I started throwing Wednesday night in to the mix, too- it was middle of the week, after all! It was just to get my through to the weekend. Then it was any night I knew I didn’t have to run the next morning, because running while you’re hung over really sucks (and when you sweat it smells like straight liquor, and other people know). Then I stopped even caring about that.

There were months, on and off, that weren’t so bad, of course. I either just, naturally, didn’t feel like drinking during those times, or our training schedule was just too intensive. When things got bad, my roommate and some of my closer friends would periodically express concern,  so I would back off. I wouldn’t drink for a few nights in a row, keep it on the down low during the week, sip on more water between shots during the next couple of weekends, and learn to throw up quieter in the bathroom- until people stopped looking so closely again, because people only see what they want to see. Then the cycle would start over.

It’s the Army, though. Just like college- most of us drink, and more than we should. It’s part of the culture! It’s what is expect from us and among us. With the company I kept… occasionally there was concern, yes, but most of them weren’t much better off than me. I was still fine.

Until I wasn’t.

Last year happened- and… I’d lost my best friend (tag: “Dear A”). I couldn’t sleep. I could barely function. I hid in the bathroom and cried at work. I had headaches all of the time experienced the second most severe depressive episode of my life. I didn’t know what to do, I was alone in the beginning there too, so I turned to alcohol- the solace that was always there for me, that was never too busy, or left, the thing that could make me forget how much everything hurt- and things started to get out of control, more so than ever before.

At first it was excused, laughed off- the military drinks. In Korea we drink more. I was expected to be sloppy at first, but I never found my groove. I started ignoring my limits. I put myself in dangerous situations, and things did happen there. I blacked out more often than not. Sometimes I couldn’t even find my room. I would fall, get hurt, and not remember how it happened. I even chipped my front tooth. I spent more than one morning puking at work, for hours. My supervisor had to peel me off my floor and roll me onto my side on more than one occasion. I was sent to the hospital three times. Eventually, I was given an ultimatum- get my shit together, or be forced to see professionals. I got my shit together. For a while.

My last couple of weeks in Korea passed without any incident anyone else knew about. I still drank, but it was like before, when I could manage it and keep it to myself. I did it quietly, and nobody knew the difference. 

I got to Kentucky in the beginning of June- it’s been full two months, and in those two months months, I have literally spent more days drunk than I have spent sober. Not a drink or two after work, not pleasantly buzzed, but drunk. It’s been mostly harmless, I don’t leave my room. I’ve cried a bit, slept on my kitchen floor a couple of times, and have had to make a few phone calls to be talked off the ledge on a few separate nights, but mostly… I still thought I was fine.

Then drinking every day, it became- “hey, I woke up still drunk this morning, I’m going to have one shot- just one- before work.” Then that shot had to be a double instead, of course, because what’s one shot really going to do for me? I drove to work, without incident (“this actually isn’t that hard”), drove back home for lunch. Three more shots, no food. Go back to work. Pick up a new bottle when I was on my way home at the end of the day. Drink until I pass out. Repeat.

Last Friday, while blacked out, I apparently stumbled my way out of my room and towards the parking lot- some people who work in the same office building as me saw and asked what I was doing. According to them, I said I was going to get my cigarettes from my car- but because I could barely stand up straight, they sat me down and gave me some of theirs instead, and then made sure I got back to my room safe. The thing is, I didn’t have any cigarettes in my car. I had run out Thursday night, and knew that before I started drinking. Which meant, I had planned on driving.

Either this stops, I do better, or something I can’t take back is going to happen, and it’s going to happen soon. I can feel it. Most alcoholics don’t change until they hit rock bottom, I was reading the A.A. site, and I’ve gotten a few books, and that’s what they all say. Alcoholics refuse to admit they have a problem until there is overwhelming evidence that proves differently. They argue they’re fine, that they can do better, that it isn’t really that bad… all things I tell myself too. I don’t want to have to fall that far. I don’t want to mess up my life forever, or end somebody else’s. I don’t want to crash and burn any more than I already have. So far I’ve been lucky. I’ve been given passes I shouldn’t have been, and more time than I deserved to do the right thing.

I’m Irish and Native American. I was practically bred to be an alcoholic. My father is one, he doesn’t have his license anymore because of it. His father was too, and that contributed to his death. I didn’t grow up close to either of them, but their blood is my blood. I grew up with my mother and step-father, though, and he is also an alcoholic. A violent and mean one, and he helped raised me since I was four. Genetic pre-disposition. Turbulent childhood household. Emotional abandonment. Issues with depression and self-worth. I’m text book.

At exactly 12:00am on 1 August 2017, I dumped the last of my vodka down the drain. I have now been dry for almost 96 hours, for 4 days. It’s the longest I’ve been sober in the last 2 months, and I am craving it bad. I miss it. The first day, my stomach and head hurt (long after a hangover would typically start), I broke out in sweat, and I couldn’t figure out why. Then I ended up having to pull a 24 hour shift. I slept for 4 hours the morning after, and then was too wound up to sleep at all that night. I’ve managed about 3.5 solid hours a night, since then. I’ve been agitated since I first woke up on the 1st, especially today, I almost threw my phone across the room earlier because I kept hitting the wrong button and it wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do. I had to put it away and take my third shower today, just calm down. I can’t focus. I can’t sit still, my leg is always bouncing, my foot kicking, or fingers tapping. I feel empty and sad. Now, I’m not only lonely for people, I’m lonely for my alcohol too. The holes I’ve always had are still gaping, but now there’s no vodka to fill them.

The thing is… I’ve tried to quit before. I pretend I haven’t. I was once even asked if I had every tried to stop, and I said no. I looked back at all those times and told myself “Well, I wasn’t being serious then. I was just doing it to see how long I could go. There was no actual reason to quit. I only needed a break for a couple weeks. I never said I was going to stop forever.” and I always swore “I’ll do better now. My tolerance is back down a little bit, so I’ll control it better. I’ll just have a few, one or two nights a week.”

I never did, though. Maybe a few weeks would pass where I could drink in moderation, but then I would have a particularly bad Tuesday, or something, and drink an extra night- and, eventually, two shots became three, and then three would stop feeling like three, because my tolerance would come back, and three would become four- and after four, I stop caring that I set a limitation for myself.

Honestly, I don’t think I’m the sort of person who can drink in moderation, and that scares me. I want to be the type of person who can just throw back a couple and still have a good night, maybe have just a glass of wine to relax, but I don’t think I’ll be able to do that- if I want to get this under control, I know, rationally, I will have to stop forever. I’m going to have to give up my one constant and reliable comfort. Usually I only make it a few days, usually five, because then the weekend has come again. Sometimes I can resist during the week, but once the weekend comes, and I don’t have work to distract me… it becomes almost impossible. Outside of training, when I literally did not have physical access to alcohol, only one time have I made it to 10. 

Today is Day 4. Today is Friday, the night I have consistently been drunk since I’ve come to Kentucky. The cravings are bad. There’s a liquor store about 5 minutes down the road, but I’m laying here and typing this instead. The top of my foot has been knocking against my bed’s headboad for the last hour, and I can feel a bruise forming. I want to say “just one last night of letting go, and I’ll do better after” but I know I won’t.

I know I need to stop, but I don’t want to. There’s a voice in the back of my head that is screaming it’s ok if it kills me, if I drink until I can’t see and end up crashing my car into a tree, or downing a bottle of pills because I just don’t care anymore- but that’s wrong. I know it’s wrong, so I’m trying to stop. I’m pulling at my hair and pacing my room just to get through this, even though I don’t really want to. Drinking might kill me, but this feels like it will. I need to do this, but I feel like I need to do everything myself, or it doesn’t really count as having done it- and I don’t know if I can handle this one. 

[freely-expressed]

I am not asking for a world without social media, but it would help if there were less of it.

Throughout the history of the world, human connection and belonging has always been of the upmost importance for a society to function and progress through time. From the very beginning, humans have pioneered different methods of communication from rock wall drawings, morse code, writing of letters by way of horse and buggy, to the email/text messaging era and so on. We, meaning humanity, have always had such a strong driving instinctual inclination to communicate, socialize and talk with one another about life and all its vast wonders, no matter how it is done. Today, because we live in the digital age of smartphones and laptops, we now have the instant accessibility of the internet to connect with family, friends and peers within the matter of milliseconds. Social media and the platforms they offer to the public, which started as a small trend, has now today grown into a cultural norm for millions of people around the globe, even and especially adolescent young adults. Because the internet is so vast and widespread referring to content one can access, covering everything from your local weather to global affairs between the U.S and peoples republic of China for example, the worldwide web can be extremely useful or awfully harmful for those who choose to use it and social media today has adopted every thinkable function to include this large array of content with little to no filters.  As parents of an old generation give way to the new digital age and seeing social media being used by their children every day, it has become an ever-so vigorous debate on its effect on mental health. The issue at hand is the idea that millions of adolescent youth, starting at young ages, are using social media in their daily lives often frequently and do not to give any regard to how it is affecting their mental health. As a growing body of literature and many case studies are in development to determine the true physiological effects that social media has on mental health, I am here today to add my knowledge and voice in that growing dialogue and offer a firsthand account of what social media has done to me and my life.

When social media first started finding its way into the world, these companies dreamed of constructing and building websites in such a way where ordinary people could feed that instinctual craving to connect with others in a way that they had never seen before. With platforms such as Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, that dream became reality and it happened rather quickly. And yet, I believe we are still so blindsided by what an incredible development in the modern world that social media really is that we do not care to pay homage to the facts. Still to this day, a large percent of these companies' users does not fully understand what the overuse and addiction of social media is doing to their mental health and many do not care. There are many consequences that naturally come with spending hours on social media behind a device connecting through the screen instead of face-to-face. However, through the years, people have described this new online experience to be easy, fun, convenient and rather useful for those who feel socially isolated, or maybe socially inept. They also have argued that individuals with mental health disorders, such as chronic depression, use social media and the online community as a safe space where everybody has a voice. No judgement, no criticism.  Anybody can be anyone they want, say whatever they want to say, be whatever they want to be and have no natural real-life consequences. This argument is true in principle meaning yes we do all have a voice on and offline and indeed we can be whatever we want in our own lives, but when one adopts the notion that living in a virtual world that only exists in a screen can somehow allow them to escape and forget their life and the onslaught of responsibilities of life can be very damaging to ones perception of actual life. There are many people who are obsessed with their online reputation and how others perceive them, however this has never been a healthy outlook on your inner self.  

Another common argument for and in behalf of the use of social media is that by going online and scrolling through the array of fitness accounts and or healthy dietician's choice lifestyle accounts can promote and motivate users to adopt new healthy life practices. In an online published article,” Seven ways social media can benefit your mental Health” written by Kevin Naruse, he states,” Announcing a goal via social media and regularly posting about it promotes accountability to others, creating positive reinforcement from friends and stimulating an online “social support system” which may lead the aspirant to form or join other communities dedicated to similar pursuits. This is a classic case of “positive emotional contagion.” Research has shown that sharing a goal publicly not only promotes accountability but helps one stay focused, and dramatically increases one’s chance of success, whether it be weight loss, or sobriety for recovering addict/alcoholics.” If there was any claim that I have disagreed with more, it would be this exact one. For a small minority of people, social media does indeed serve as a motivator and helps them in their efforts to make lofty fitness or diet goals and achieve them while having every person that they are friends with online celebrate with them once they cross the finish line. However, this method of achieving goals is not effective for the mass of people using online media platforms. This is because discouragement, rejection, failure and lack of self-confidence play a paramount role in one's mental health, of which all people are vulnerable to if they share that part of their life with the online world. This all plays into the idea that social media is simply curated content, handpicked perfectly edited photos and videos, and naturally (because lack of resources, money, time, energy, motivation and all other possible human excuses) unattainable standards of life, beauty and fitness. For those with low self-esteem and low self-confidence, being exposed to these standards can significantly higher the risk of mental health issues and heavily discourage those who do try and mirror the myriad of models they see on the screen but come far short.

Because the human race will always search for ways to do things better, such as communicate, today social media has absolutely taken over the world, being the number one method in which we communicate. The final claim in favor of social media that I will be presenting in this essay, and quite possibly the number one reason why social media is so widely popular in the world, is the fact that social media as a form of communication has absolutely no limitations- for example walls, times of day, location and age. Anybody anywhere at any time of day can connect, post, chat, create, illustrate on their preferred social media website. Janis Whitlock, a researcher at the Brofenbrenner center for translational research, has said,” Social media extends what humans tend to do in everyday life anyway, such as connect with friends, look for inspiration, and seek support. That said, the ways in which it can amplify, allow for ceaseless exchange, and transcend the natural boundaries that were inherent in everyday life for millennia is novel. The ways in which all of this impacts wellbeing is complicated by all sorts of factors that are very difficult to study.” While this statement is subjective in nature, stating known and accepted fact and explaining what kind of major impact social media has had, the main conclusion I take from this statement is that there are so many complicated factors that have to be considered when it comes to mental health being altered by social media. Just because something has pushed the limits of histories past, has been adopted by our culture and is seen as beneficial to the world does not also mean that there cannot be negative consequences if not used in moderation. Take for example, modern medicine and the prescription drug issue. 50 years ago, citizens of the western world could not dream of the accessibility of prescription drugs that are privileged with today. While there are many benefits to modern medicine, the U.S. still has an awful prescription drug overuse and addiction rate that has skyrocketed in recent years. And so, it is the same with social media. Many do not see the effect it is having in themselves until they take a closer look at their online habits.

When I was an adolescent boy in the thick of my middle school years, Facebook was extremely popular and almost every single one of my close friends used the website daily. Because I was at a very vulnerable time in my life and would have done anything to fit in at the time or be socially accepted, I created my own account and quickly became infatuated with this new online experience. It was the best thing for a pre-mature 13-year-old boy, right? It could connect me with my friends from school, allow me to have conversations with girls I knew who I thought were attractive, and gave me a platform to share my life experiences, however boring and non-interesting they were at the time. This all seems innocent and it was, but because I was a boy being thrown into his teenage years who had no prior knowledge of the internet's capabilities and no parental guidance, I was exposed to many additional harmful things online that have since effected my life in an extremely negative way, such as pornography. To think I had these traumatizing online experiences, many of which were aggravated and intensified by social media, at such a young age and now to learn that even younger children have multiple social media accounts and use them frequently is frightening to say the least. Being able to enjoy social media for all its benefits and then to counteract the negative things by filtering it all out can be one of the hardest balancing acts young people do when using social media, and honestly many don’t even try. My argument against social media is as follows: Mental Health is already a very difficult and delicate thing to keep unblemished through this long life, especially with all the hardships and perils we face naturally. Rates of suicide, clinical depression and anxiety are already high in the U.S and in other parts of the world. Most studies done on this topic do show confirmed signs of depression and other serious signs of decreased mental health linked to the high usage of social media. This statistic from childmind.org has given us just a glimpse of the problem: Teenage and young adult users who spend the most time on Instagram, Facebook and other platforms were shown to have a substantially (from 13 to 66 percent) higher rate of reported depression than those who spent the least time. While I have always been a user of social media and probably will never stop enjoying the useful and convenient benefits that social media provides, I do want to raise awareness on the negative effects that it is having on our minds and mental health.  

This argument can be disputed and countered with a variety of different studies and articles standing on the other side of the aisle, but because this issues landscape is still so relatively new and there have been no definite conclusions made by professionals such as trained clinical phycologists, there can only be speculation and conjecture as to how and to what degree social media is really taking a toll. For those who continue in this discourse, and I hope many do raise awareness and knowledge of this important issue, the number one piece of advice I would give is to look at it from the bird's eye view seeing all sides and also do not let the statistics game sway you one way or the other. Afterall, if only one precious human life is taken by suicide because of depression, we have a moral obligation to look at all factors involved. Today, I believe social media has never had such a strong influence over our minds and the way we think than it does today. Because of this, we must be constantly vigilant as to how we allow social media to impact us. Researching this issue has brought me so much appreciation for the real, authentic human connection and how nothing can ever replace it.