#anyway all of this is to say that jonas makes me want to cry... he is so tragic 😭😭😭

[homuraakemis]

I feel so terribly sad for Jonas/Adam, because the extent of his depression really is on another level. And it's not just that he is suicidal and wants to die. It's that he is so depressed that he can't even conceive of the notion that other people might NOT want to die.

One could argue that Adam's goal to end both worlds is simply an attempt to kill himself, because he knows that time won't let him die otherwise, but I don't think that's the case. As I've argued before, Jonas/Adam is not a selfish person, he is selfless. He wouldn't try to kill everyone/erase everyone's existence just to end his own pain. And besides, by the end of the series, after he killed Martha, for all he knew he had no other older self, so if he tried to just kill himself it might actually work this time. But that's not what he is after: he doesn't just want to end HIS pain, he wants to end everybody's pain, because he is selfless.

But here's the thing: as I've said before, I don't agree with Adam at all. Between him and Eva, I think Eva is actually right: yes, the world is full of suffering, but life is not just suffering, life has good things as well and is still worth preserving. And that's why I feel so terribly sad for Adam: his depression is so severe, that he can't even imagine why anyone would want to continue living/existing. His suffering is so intense to him, he is so blinded by his pain, that he can't imagine that there are other people in the world who are NOT suffering like him, that there are people who like their lives. And he specifically can't understand Eva: for all he knew, she lost just as much as him (her lover and her entire family), so he really can't understand why she would go to such lengths to preserve such an existence. The idea of moving on from his losses, like Eva did, is completely alien to him.

It's also interesting to think that Adam considered himself to be completely free of emotion, since he tells Noah "only when we're free of all emotion are we truly free". And yet, he doesn't realize that the very thing that drives him to his goals is his extreme despair. He is definitely not free of emotion.

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

Little Bird

Fandom: Elvis Presley, American Musician, RPF

Pairing: Elvis Presley x Addison Goodwin

Characters: Elvis Presley, Addison Goodwin, Jess Goodwin, Jess Presley, Lisa Marie Presley, Original Female Character, Jerry Schilling,  Marci Cunningham,

Rating: Teen

Word Count: 4621

Summary: Walked down the aisle, breakin' my heart, Lay down my pride, I know I gotta let you go.

Tags/Warnings: One Shot, Elvis and Addison, Weddings, Flashbacks, Love, Established Relationship, Marriage, Angst, Fluff, Abandonment Issues, Kisses, Dancing, Love, Graceland, Pregnancy, Maybe time line shift, Song Fic,  Halloween, Halloween Challenge, Writing Challenge, Little Bird // Jonas Brothers, First In Line // Elvis Presley

Notes: Another lil Elvis and Addie one shot for yall.

Honestly thinking of everything he missed makes me want to scream and cry.

ELVIS & ADDIE // SONG LINK // HALLOWEEN CHALLENGE

‘Ugh would you stop it,’ Jess snapped batting her sister’s hand away from her face as she tried to manoeuvre an uncooperative brown tendril away from her line of sight. Lisa pulled back, sighing as Jess’ own hand immediately went to the strand of hair as she tried to fix it herself.

‘Hey, it’s not her fault,’ came a voice from below them. Jess watched as her mother rose from where she had been crouched, unfurling the layers of her dress so they weren’t touching the floor, a chastising glare on her face before she said, ‘she’s only trying to help.’

‘Sorry,’ Jess said looking at Lisa who shrugged but smiled, ‘it’s just it won’t cooperate.’

‘It looks fine,’ Lisa said reassuringly as Jess looked past her mother, trying to tuck the piece of hair out of the way.

‘Lisa’s right,’ Addison said as she reached her hand out, moving the strand into a place where, much to Jess’ surprise, it stuck. Once it was tucked away Addison placed a tender hand on her daughter’s cheek and said, ‘besides, in five hours, hell probably five minutes you won’t even remember that silly strand of hair that was annoying you. All you’ll remember is the excitement and happiness of getting married.’

‘Yeah, I don’t even remember what I wore on my wedding day,’ Lisa chuckled.

‘Or that you’re meant to invite people to it,’ said a deep velvety voice from behind them. All three of the women turned to look at where it had come from. Standing there, decked out in his finest tuxedo, was Elvis. His lip was curled up in a smile as he watched Lisa roll her eyes once more.

‘Hey, I remembered to invite you guys…eventually,’ Lisa said as he walked towards them.

‘Yeah, six hours before it was set to happen,’ Jess teased.

‘It’s not my fault Jessie is the traditional one,’ Lisa said, ‘anyway it’d be boring if we were the same right?’

‘It’d give me less of a heart attack,’ Elvis countered earning himself a shove from his youngest daughter.

‘Anyway,’ Addison said moving them along, ‘traditional or a little… fast-paced-’

‘Rushed,’ Elvis said at the same time.

‘You’re both doing what you wanted right?’ she said looking at the girls.

‘Yeah,’ both of them said in unison. Addison smiled, touching her daughter’s cheek once again hoping that her words would calm her just a little. She could tell she was nervous and though she knew it was more excitement than worry she hoped she had helped. After all when Addison had been nervous her first thought had been to run, she didn’t want her daughter quite literally following in her footsteps. Yet as Jess smiled back at her she could see her words had soothed her.

‘So just enjoy it okay? It’ll go by in the blink of an eye and you’ll be wanting to do it all over again tomorrow I promise,’ Addison said.

‘I think my bank balance might have something to say about that,’ Elvis jested earning a swat on the chest from Addison though when she looked back at her daughter she was smiling.

‘Thanks Mom,’ Jess said.

‘No problem honey,’ Addison said.

‘Uh, guys,’ Jerry said from the doorway capturing everyone’s attention, ‘everyone’s ready. The wedding party’s downstairs waitin’ to head out.’

‘Well, I better go and take my seat then huh?’ Addison said.

‘I’ll come with you,’ Lisa said grabbing her bouquet off the dresser it had been laying on before she turned back to her sister and said, ‘see you down there, okay?’

‘See ya,’ Jess nodded, feeling reassured as she touched her shoulder gently and then headed out the door.

‘I’ll see you down there too. Remember just breathe, okay,’ Addison said. Jess nodded and then said, ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too honey,’ Addison replied.

‘What about me?’ Elvis said as Addison moved to walk away from them though she stopped, rolling her eyes as she placed a hand on his chest.

‘Jury’s still out,’ she smirked and though she was sure it would mean she would have to touch up her make-up she didn’t move away as he leaned down to kiss her, their lips meeting briefly before she headed out of the room.

Once she was gone Elvis’ attention fell to Jess who, though she was feeling a lot better, was watching her reflection nervously in the mirror. She had spent months agonising over this wedding. Since she had gotten engaged she had planned everything out meticulously and now it was all here. She sometimes wished she could be different, that she too could call her parents just hours before she got married and ask them to jump on a plane but she wasn’t built that way. She just hoped that all her stressing and obsessing would be worth it.

‘Ready honey?’ Elvis asked snapping her from her thoughts. Jess looked at him and nodded, allowing him to link her at the elbow before grabbing her bouquet so they could walk out of her old room. They walked across the hall and down the few steps to the landing where Jerry was waiting.

‘You look lovely Vegas,’ he said.

‘Thanks,’ Jess said, those nerves still swirling around inside her, ‘is everything ready?’

‘Yep,’ Jerry said making her nerves fade just a little. She peeped around the corner, spotting most of her bridal party gathered in the hallway, ready to head out onto the lawn where her fiancée would be waiting.

‘Well I’m ready when you are honey,’ Elvis said looking down at her.

‘I’m ready,’ she said. Jerry nodded and with that, he headed downstairs and started to direct everyone out the door. Jess watched as the pairs of groomsmen and bridesmaids started to filter out, flashes of a camera going off the moment they stepped outside. And at that moment she was glad to be hidden given that this was the last minute she’d have without all eyes on her. As she pulled back her pretty features going pensive Elvis watched her closely. He could see her getting into her own head, like she normally did when she had a lot to focus on, like her mother did. In all the years he’d known her she hadn’t changed; she was still that sensitive soul he had met at fourteen years old not that that was a bad thing. If anything it was the perfect balance. Where Lisa was outgoing, free-spirited and rebellious Jess was her opposite and yet he loved them both equally. It just meant that he parented them differently. As he watched her start to succumb to her nerves he deployed the tactic he always did when this happened. Where her mother would use logic and reason Elvis simply elected to make her smile.

‘So,’ Elvis mused making her gaze fall on him, ‘still wanna do this?’

‘Dad,’ Jess groaned though there was a smile on her face.

‘I’m just sayin’. Kitchen stairs are right there we could have you halfway to Texas by nightfall,’ Elvis joked.

‘I thought you liked Scott,’ Jess countered.

‘Oh you know I’m just playin’ with ya,’ Elvis said nudging her with his elbow as he pretended to sigh, ‘though I can’t say I’m happy both my girls are leaving me in the same year.’

‘We live right around the block!’ Jess giggled, ‘besides I thought this is what you and mom wanted. No more babies, living your kid-free life and whatnot.’

‘Yeah and then your sister got knocked up,’ Elvis said.

‘Oh come on you two look good as a Granny and Grandpa,’ Jess teased running her finger along the flecks of grey that now wove into his sideburns.

‘Don’t let your mother hear you call her that,’ Elvis retorted making Jess’ smile widen which in turn made his own smile grow, he’d succeeded. Whatever thoughts she had been fretting over now gone as she enjoyed their teasing. It had been a joke on his end and though he knew it didn’t mean anything he couldn’t help but feel there was a hint of truth to what he had said. He had given both his daughters away in the space of six months, one of them even preparing to have her own baby in the next couple. It was a change that was coming. One he hadn’t really prepared himself for and though it made him sad he was also happy for them both. After all, it wasn’t as if he wished the hardships that he and Addison had gone through to get together.

‘I’m happy for you Jessie,’ he said after a moment. She hadn’t been looking at him, instead, she had been watching as the final couple of the wedding party headed out, signalling it was time for them to head down the stairs, though she looked up as he spoke a smile still playing on her lips.

‘I’m happy for me too,’ she said.

✵✵✵

Addison had been right. Jess had barely had time to breathe throughout the day let alone worry about what she looked like. Fortunately, though the day had gone off without a hitch and once the ceremony was done out front, the dozens of pictures taken, and the meal completed she could finally relax. She had enjoyed every minute of it even if it had meant being the centre of attention, something she normally left to the rest of her family. Luckily, she only had more spotlight moment before the night would fade into drinks and dancing, she just had to get through it first.

Jess watched as her father climbed onto the small stage the band was on, immediately capturing everyone’s attention. He smiled as he stood behind the mic, looking towards her for a second with a smile before he said, ‘hello again,’ earning a chuckle from the crowd.

‘Now, I know you’re all excited to get to a night of dancing and drinks but uh first we gotta do something. When Jessie first told me she was getting married I was happy for her but I had one stipulation, please don’t ask me to help plan the damn thing,’ Elvis said earning another chuckle from the crowd, ‘fortunately for me she’s got quite the team around her so I didn’t have much to do though she did put me in charge of one thing. Music.’

‘God knows why,’ Jerry heckled causing a giggle to emit from Jess and the crowd.

‘Well anyway even with my limited knowledge I managed to find a band Jessie and Scott quite liked and if you’ve enjoyed them up to now I know you’ll like it when they really get swingin’ but uh when the topic of the first dance came up I was surprised to find out there was only one song Jess had thought of, I’d say Jess and Scott but I know my daughter well enough to know he probably had no say in the matter,’ Elvis joked glancing at Jess who rolled her eyes and Scott who smiled, kissing her temple as he held her from behind, ‘so if you’d like to help me welcome the happy couple to the dance floor for their first dance officially married I’m gonna do my only job for the night.’

As music started to twinkle through the airwaves, along with claps and cheers as the couple took to the dancefloor Addison made her way to the fray of the crowd to watch, but where most people’s gazes were on Jess and Scott hers migrated past, watching Elvis as his velvet-covered voice rang out.

When they gave out eyes like diamonds, That would shame the stars that shine, My darlin', my darlin', You were the first in line.

When they gave out lips like honey, That hold a new thrill every time, My darlin', my darlin', You were the first in line.

She didn’t know why Jess had picked it. It wasn’t one of his most famous, one of the ones normally played at weddings but it was Addison’s favourite. Though as she listened to the smoother, more mature voice ring out around the garden it wasn’t as though she was listening to him now. She was reminded of her favourite rendition, one performed in a voice much younger and gruffer. Though the night sky above them was clear she could almost hear rain battering against the glass of a windshield and feel Elvis’ fingers running through her hair. At seventeen, when her life had been ripped to shreds once more, this time by her mother, she had never dreamed she’d end up somewhere like here. That she’d be standing in her backyard watching her daughter sway gently to the music with a good man at her side. A good man like she herself had.

As she watched Jess she smiled though she could feel tears burning in her eyes. They surprised her, after all, she had managed to make it through the day without crying she had thought she was home free but as she watched Jess throw her head back, laughing at something Scott had said, she felt the happiness spill out trickling down her face. She turned around and headed to a deserted table, reaching for a napkin so that she could dab her eyes. Fortunately, more couples had taken to the dance floor now meaning that no one seemed to notice her absence. That was until she felt a strong pair of arms wrap around her middle, a pair of lips nuzzling into her neck making her tears disappear in an instant.

‘Hey,’ she said, allowing Elvis to hold her as she straightened up in his grasp.

‘Hi,’ he said with a smile before he spun her around to face him, ‘how’d I do?’

‘Good,’ Addison said placing her hands on his chest.

‘Just good?’ Elvis chuckled, ‘wow Addie I don’t think I’m gonna recover from that review.’

‘Well I’d tell you what I really thought but,’ Addison said making him quirk an eyebrow as she fiddled with his bowtie, ‘but we know what normally happens after you come off stage and somehow I don’t think that’s appropriate.’

‘Mmm probably not,’ Elvis mused.

‘Maybe we could dance instead,’ she smiled.

‘Sounds good to me honey,’ Elvis said.

Addison smiled, moving out of his grip and taking his hand as she led him towards the dance floor, which was now inundated with couples enamoured with one another as they moved slowly along to the song now being played by the band. As they moved to an open space Elvis’ hand went to her waist his other clasping one of hers as she nestled into his chest, his chin resting on the top of her head. They moved in silence, content with holding one another as they rotated in a slow circle. Addison’s eyes fluttered closed as she took in his warmth, his cologne a familiar comfort. Yet when she opened her eyes her line of sight was on Jess and Scott once more, still dancing in their own content little bubble, and her mind flew back to a memory.

‘Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?’ Marci said as she slipped on her shoes. She was lingering by the front door, a concerned look on her face as she watched Addison struggle to keep Jess in her arms. It was bedtime but Jess hadn't seemed to have gotten that memo, her bright eyes watching Marci as she tried to get to her.

‘No it’s fine,’ Addison said, wincing as her hair caught in Jess’ pudgy fist before she untangled herself.

‘I can you know,’ Marci said, ‘it’s only Bill.’

‘You cancelled last time,’ Addison said guiltily, ‘go. Honestly, have fun. We’ll be fine.’

‘Well we’re eating at Charlie’s if you need me,’ Marci said. Addison nodded.

‘Have fun,’ Addison smiled.

‘You too,’ Marci chuckled moving to pinch Jess’ cheek, ‘you be good for your mama now Jessie you hear me.’

‘Mama,’ Jess echoed making both women smile before Marci headed out the door. Though once she was gone Jess started to fuss. She moved her in her arms, trying to get her into a comfortable position but it was no use, she kept wriggling reaching for the door where Marci had disappeared.

‘Jessie,’ Addison huffed trying to get her settled, ‘honey she’ll be back later okay?’

But it wasn’t working. Jess was starting to cry, big shimmering tears glinting in her eyes before they ran down her reddened cheeks.

‘Oh come it’s not that bad,’ Addison cooed as she rocked her back and forth on her hip though as she stared at the doorway her friend had just disappeared through she couldn’t help but feel as forlorn as the screaming child on her hip. In fact she kind of wished she was headed out to the door too. Though with that thought she felt a wave of guilt crash through her. After all she had chosen this life, Jess. It wasn’t her baby’s fault that her other care giver had a life of her own, one she’d put on hold far too long for both of them. See, soon after Jess was born they had realised that sharing the workload didn’t always mean doing everything fifty/fifty so whilst Marci picked up shifts as the diner they both worked at and went to school Addison tended to Jess, working when Marci could be home. It meant that Marci was out virtually all day so when she did get the occasional night to herself Addison didn’t begrudge her that. Yet over the past couple of weeks things had been different. Marci’s school course had been on break for the holidays and so she’d been home more meaning that Addison could take the better paying shifts and Marci could watch Jess, studying once she was safely tucked up in bed. But as the holidays ended and they’d gone back to their normal routine Addison had found her daughter had quite taken to having someone else put her to bed every night. She knew it was a phase, but she couldn’t deny seeing her fuss and fidget for someone other than her hurt.

As Jess continued to move Addison wracked her brain for a distraction. She walked them through to the small room they shared, Jess’ crib pressed against the wall. She took the teddy bear that was resting in the cot and presented it to her daughter earning the bear a swift smack upside the head.

‘Not that then,’ Addison sighed. Then she spotted a pacifier on her nightstand and offered it to her, receiving a more positive reaction this time as Jess took it out of Addison’s hand and pushed it into her mouth.

‘See that’s better,’ Addison said though Jess still didn’t seem settled enough to place down in her crib just yet, ‘so, you're missing Aunt Mar? Well, you're not the only one…but she’s got a life too y'know. Can't be running around after us all the time.’

Jess looked up at her, a distinct pout on her face as though she could understand what her mother was saying. Addison smiled sadly at her, pressing a kiss to her forehead which to her surprise she allowed her to do.

She did miss her friend though it was hard because she was happy for her, she truly was. She was happy that at least one of them got to have a normal life. That one of them could go out on dates and be romanced and happy. Yet as she looked down at Jess, her big blue eyes, ones that were so familiar, she found it wasn’t just Marci she was missing. She missed Elvis.

She missed everything about him. How infectious his aura was. How no matter how bad of a day she was having he could make her feel better. She could almost hear his voice. If he were here he’d probably handle Jess with a natural ease, the way he did everything. She’d probably settle just being in his arms, that aura comforting her the way it had her mother, but that wasn’t their reality. Addison didn’t have Elvis to rely on and she couldn't keep depending on Marci. So she had to figure it out on her own.

Though as she thought about him an idea came to her and before she knew it she was singing, rocking their baby slowly as they danced in their tiny bedroom. Her voice wasn’t as good as his but Jess didn’t seem to care, in fact as she stared up at her, her pudgy hand wrapping around Addison’s finger as her fidgeting stopped.

There may be others that know you longer, Who pledge their hearts to you, But there's no other could love you stronger, Any stronger than I do.

As Addison continued Jess relaxed, leaning against her as they continued to dance, until eventually Addison glanced down to find her daughter’s eyes were now closed. Though the song ended she didn’t stop rocking her though as they moved she found an odd feeling plaguing her.

It was one of panic. She didn’t know where it had come from but it had come on with such a vengeance she felt tears start to roll down her face. It was one of panic because she knew that one day Jess wouldn’t settle in her arms. One day her comfort wouldn’t be needed. She’d have someone else.

Yes, she had managed to win her favour after two weeks of Marci being the favourite but what about in the future? What about when she met someone? Would she leave her? The way her parents had. The way Elvis had. The way Marci was sure to once she found a guy she could settle down with. Jess was the only thing she had, the only thing she had gotten right in this trainwreck she called life, and yet she knew one day she’d go too. One day she’d be alone. She shouldn’t have been thinking that way after all as a parent that was the goal right? Raise a child to be a well-rounded individual so that they could eventually leave the nest, and maybe find someone along the way who made them as happy as their parents used to when they sang them to sleep.

But it didn’t mean she wanted it.

She’d lost enough already.

Addison was pulled out of her thoughts as she heard Elvis’ voice rumble against her ear and she pulled back to find him watching her expectantly, those same eyes from her memories sparkling from the twinkling lights overhead.

‘Huh?’ Addison said making him smirk.

‘She asks me to dance and then she doesn’t even pay attention to me honestly,’ Elvis said shaking his head in jest.

‘Sorry,’ Addison said meekly. Elvis waved her off noticing there was something on her mind and then his hand moved to her jawline, stroking along it gently as he said, ‘what are you thinking about honey?’

‘Everything,’ Addison said with a wistful sigh as she glanced back to Jess, Elvis’ gaze following hers, ‘I can’t believe she’s grown up.’

‘I know. Both of them are,’ Elvis said as their eyes moved to where Lisa was dancing nearby, Danny’s hands on her baby bump as he whispered something in her ear to make her laugh.

‘What are we going to do with ourselves?’ Addison said.

‘Oh I’m sure we can think of plenty of ways to pass the time,’ Elvis said low enough that only she could hear as he pressed a kiss to her temple making her smile before she pulled back, finally tearing her gaze away from the girls.

‘I bet,’ she mused though her face fell as she admitted, ‘you know I used to worry about this.’

‘The wedding?’ Elvis asked his brows knitting together. Throughout this whole process Addison had been a rock. She’d kept Jess sane, him informed and everyone else in line. Not once had she shown any trepidation.

‘Yeah not recently…when she was little,’ she admitted, ‘I know it’s silly.’

‘Why?’ he asked curiously.

‘Because I was on my own,’ she admitted, smiling at him guiltily, ‘I had Jess and only Jess...and I thought once she finds her person that'd be it for me y'know? That’s selfish isn’t it?’

‘Not at all. Things were different back then,’ Elvis said feeling his own guilt creep in. They’d been together so long now he tended to forget what it was like back in those early days. How raw everything had been for both of them. Yet where he’d clung to anyone he could find, trying to push the memory of her from his brain, she’d clung to Jess, petrified that she’d lose her like she had everyone else.

‘You’re telling me,’ Addison said in a breathy laugh before her smile turned earnest as she looked at him and said, ‘you gave me more than I can ever ask for you know that?’

‘I’d give you anything you wanted,’ Elvis said honestly.

‘How about we renew our vows?’ Addison said. It was an idea that came out of the blue, tripping off her tongue before she had a chance to think about it. She couldn’t help it, after all, today had been all about declaring your love. Was it so odd to want to let people know she still loved him more than anything all these years later?

‘Like I said, let my wallet recover first,’ Elvis teased.

‘Har har,’ Addison said rolling her eyes.

‘Besides, I thought you didn’t like parties? You detested planning our wedding,’ Elvis said raising an eyebrow. That had been an amusement to him throughout the past year of planning this thing. Throughout their wedding planning, she had begged him time and time again to just run away and elope but he had made her compromise. He wanted the world to know they’d finally gotten their happy ending.

‘I like our actual wedding,’ Addison said, ‘the proper one.’

‘The one where we hid from everyone you mean?’ Elvis chuckled as he remembered the day she’d finally worn him down. They’d had their big wedding of course but they’d also had a day just them, their official wedding, away from prying eyes, filled with love and happiness.

‘That’s the one,’ Addison chuckled.

‘Okay,’ he said earning himself a smile, ‘but let’s get today over with first.’

‘Deal,’ Addison agreed. They danced in silence for a moment, their gazes watching all the other couples until they landed on Jess and Scott one more. Lisa was standing at her sister’s side, the two of them talking in whispers as the boys waited patiently behind them. As Elvis watched he remembered something. He was sure it had been a dream, but looking at them together he couldn’t help but feel he had been seeing this moment only years before it happened. Like Addison he had thought about this day. Of Jess flying their little nest. Yet it hadn't filled him with as much sadness because he knew that throughout it they’d have each other. When he looked back Addison was watching him.

‘We didn’t do too bad huh?’ Elvis said making her smirk.

‘No we didn’t,’ she said caressing his face gently.

‘I love you Mrs Presley,’ he said, no longer having to hope that she wouldn’t say it back. He wasn’t dreaming here. She was his, nothing would take that away.

‘I love you too Mr Presley.’

Cause I know if I'm doin' my job correct, Nights like these will happen less, So please just keep me in your heart, When you fly into somebody else's arms, little bird.

ELVIS TAGS

@girlblogger2002 @sania562 @caitlin1996 @literally-just-elvis-fics @notstefaniepresley   @artlesson8892 @18lkpeters​ @velvetelvis @jaqueline19997 @elvispresleyxoxo @amydarcimarie @presleyenterprise @everythingelvispresley @elvispresleywife @lillypink @richardslady121 @lettersfromvenus @louisejoy86 @ccab

[h-pelessly]

March Reads

Betting on You by Lynn Painter (10/10) I'm in love with Lynn Painter's writing. At first, I read this with the mindset that nothing YA/hs will beat Wes Bennett from BTTM knowing Charlie is Wes' cousin. However, this book also made me sob. There were a lot of tropes jam packed into this, but I enjoyed it. The only thing I didn't love about this one is Bailey, the FMC. She was a little naive and I like my FMCs a little strong. But the way these two acted and interacted brought me right back to high school. This is a perfect friends to lovers book and I will absolutely cry over it any day. A quote that really stuck with me was "I wanted to show you that you can trust me to never disappear again" when Charlie wanted to give Bailey his cat. BABY, I WILL SOB

The Cupcake Cowboy by Rose Rayne Rivers (7/10) This was an ARC read for an indie author. I am currently in my sports romance era (when am I not tbfh) but I was like hmmmm let me jump into this. Not going to completely lie, I got bored. I did like Kaytlyn's sassy mouth, but it was also like ???? Do u know when to shut up. Blayke and Kaytlyn met when Blayke's "brother" (by heart) brings him to the diner Kaytlyn works at to showcase his crush. Immediately, Blayke falls in love. The insta attraction threw me off. But the struggles they went through was mediocre. I didn't feel my relation to the characters at all.

Break the Girl by Rachel Jonas and Nikki Thorne (7.5/10) For a dark romance, I didn't hate it. I was kinda surprised at this, but then again, people are saying that it's not really a dark romance so i don't know. But to me, it was a dark romance bc I would personally not like to exist in here. But it was slightly in this world so I don't know if it classifies as such. ANYWHO, I got this on one of syk days, and I was like I need a break from fluffy romances or at least a filler. This one is about a bully frat which I can kind of see, but also, it's like what the fuck is this brotherhood shit. It's also a why choose which is why I was kinda okay with it. Let's cover all this shit up with smut and it'll all be alright. The girl was realistically fighting against her fate, and the boys ended up pleasuring her altogether. So in a way, it was sweet they didn't push her. This is part of a trilology which is cool, but like there's no HEA or any sense of closure so I am not necessarily looking forward to finishing/continuing.

Collided by Lauren Asher (7/10) I liked this a bit better than the first one. I never got around to reading it until I found an audio version of it. This one, like the first book, was tension filled. To the point where the slow burn didn't make sense because we all know what's going to happen like there was no angst at all. I do love banter and a slow burn, but it was kind of like there were no other barrier. Under developed for an Asher book imo. A lot of things didn't make sense such as why Liam was so fixated on Sophie's "fuck it" list when he kind of had something like that with someone else and ended it. That didn't make sense to me. Or the father-daughter relationship between Sophie and her dad-- super weird imo. But I mean I did end up liking it more and might as well finish the Dirty Air series.

The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang (7.5/10) I personally had a love-hate relationship with this book, but I can't lie that this book made me feel things. I did feel the romance/love aspect, but it wasn't as strong as other emotions. I hated the fact that Michael, the Asian MMC was a sex worker (escort). Like there's nothing wrong with it, but the fact that he experienced racism while doing his work made me so uncomfortable. And he had to be Vietnamese too like that shit hurt so much. Anyway, someone said the autism was fucked out of Stella, the FMC, and I cannot stop thinking about that. I honestly don't think the characters would last together IRL, but it was a cute attempt that they ended up engaged/married.

Faceoff by Mari Loyal (7.3/10) This book was an ARC so I didn't know what to expect. This was a sports (hockey) romance in a college setting. I have some things that I didn't like, but I honestly did enjoy it. It had me giggling and kicking my feet. I love my independent and strong FMCs. This is a rivals-to-lovers romance which has a latina FMC. I loved getting to know her family. And the MMC, chef's kiss. He's so patient and kind to her, Luz, and he lets her shine. If he wasn't so young, I'd be in love.

Hook, Line, and Sinker by Tessa Bailey (6.9/10) I was actually loving this at first then I got super bored. Granted, it was a book in a form of audio, but I thoroughly understood it and loved it at first (the tension) then I got super bored. I was like why??? Then I realized it wasn't because of the friends-to-lovers trope, but it was because the FMC, Hannah, was kind of unlikable. Her problem was kind of stupid which like to be fair is something everyone goes through, but it's just that fact that lil miss billioniare feels that way is insane. She was like disguised as a poor girl. I barely liked her in Piper's story; she was kinda eh. And Fox was so likable in Piper and Brennan's story. Too bad he is kind of unlikable in his story as well. You're telling me everyone treats him like a player and although he has a hate-love relationship with it, he refuses to step out of his own stereotype???? Give me a break. These two will break up in the mere future tbh.

Alpha Inmate by Liliana Carlisle (6.2/10) I mean it definitely wasn't as bad or terrifying as "The Sacrifice" but it wasn't good either. This is my first romantasy and even though it was a novella, it was confusing as fuck. Are they animals? Alpha, Beta, Omega like yeah they could be part wolf or whatever like in Teen Wolf, but like going into Rut and in Heat???? Another read I shouldn't have let Tiktok influence me to read tbh. I hate it here!!! I only read for one cute scene which did happen, but it wasn't even cute. He didn't come to comfort her because of the storm. He came to fuck her as well -cries-. Anyways, this is straight corn on paper.

[lynsburner]

UU, as i said, CERTIFIED NO SKIP. francesca is for sure my favourite song on the album, though first time is a verrry close second.

damage gets done is just so 🤲🏼🤲🏼 like idk how to describe it?? it just gives me shivers. i may be interpreting it differently, but it hits very very close to home for me tbh. i end up teary eyed every time i listen to it. also BRANDI?? automatic banger. i don't make the rules, sorry. (also heard it in a no frills once and had to stop myself from breaking down in tears)

unknown / Nth is heartbreakingly beautiful, it just makes me cry. when will mr. hozier-byrne stop making me so emotional? it’s frankly unfair. maybe i can sue for undue mental anguish…

both first light and i, carrion genuinely might be the most beautiful, ethereal songs ive heard in a MINUTE. like they feel like what you'll hear at the pearly gates or smth, they make me a bit teary, but idk. just love them sm.

i didn't go to any shows, unfortunately. everything is so expensive in toronto atm, it's ridiculous. hozier tickets for $120+?? with what money when groceries are at an all time high?? 😭 maybe next time 😔

i do want some merch, though, i might get some at some point soon. but more than anything i need a UU toque. like, the daisy embroidered on it? would buy automatically, take my money PLEASE 💳💥💳💥

regarding your fics.. lyn, you broke my heart. and healed it, yeah, but still. i had to take so many breaks while reading both HIATT and WKYA just to take a breath. truthfully, going into them i didn’t think anything could top GRATKOL, and now i realize that they don’t have to. they’re all so good in different ways, like GOD. it’s incredible. idk how many times ive reread all of your work these past couple months, they always bring so much comfort, and i love you for that 🥹

anyway, this was long. oops? 🤍🤍🤍

Long questions require long answers, so be prepared.

Let's go Francesca nation!!!!!!! (It came out on my birthday, ok, I hold a special kinship with her). It also (and please don't laugh at me for this) reminds me so much of like a 2008 Jonas brothers song IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE. When I first heard it, I remember texting my friends "wow he's like if Nick Jonas could read." lol

First Light might be one of my favorite album closers ever like genuinely it's so fucking good. And I, carrion was one of the first ones to get me to cry when I listened to the full thing (and did you hear he wrote that for his partner at the time as a gift?????? The song about the TRAGEDY??? My dude are you ok?????)

Also ok I need to admit that UU is not a no skip album for me... only because I skip unknown for my own sake. Seriously, I have only heard it live and I cried both times I did (My friends have made a whatsapp sticker of me crying to it as a joke lmao). The second verse always gets me good ™.

And damage gets done???? Fucking BANGER and just so fun and all about how like younger generations are being screwed by the ones before them like ok???? And shout out to the "Anyway..." in first time like he is truly a fellow millennial.

As for merch, his is.... so bad like I'm sorry I got the poster at my show because it was the only thing his ass did not draw. But I have a friend who does some stuff on redbubble, lemme pass the daisy idea on. And yeah, that ticket price is unfortunately the average down here in the city (and luckily I got paid the day before the 2024 leg went on sale lmao)

As for the writing, thank you so much my friend. Like from the bottom of my fucking heart you are truly so kind and wonderful and complementary and I really do not deserve it. Thank you for all that you do and say and I hope you're having the most amazing day

PS: Work might bring me to Vancouver for some stuff within the next few years. I know you said you're near Toronto, but if you have any Vancouver recs, lemme know!

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Wed 26 May 21

Hiiii I’m a lil dummy and I miss stuff sometimes oops so anyway here’s what I missed yesterday-- full audio of Zayn singing the song Leave Before You Love Me (released just a few days ago by the Jonas Brothers) was leaked by Zayn’s cousin! Seems that Z probably demo-ed the song back when it was being shopped around but it ended up going to JB- which would be our loss except heyyyy we get to hear Zayn’s version now anyway! It’s on youtube and it is GORGEOUS, check it out, and anyhow that explains the seemingly random promo tweet from Zayn yesterday- I should have KNOWN to look further, sigh, if Zayn is online there’s ALWAYS a reason. Side note, this is the other song (besides Our Song) that Plested wrote on that was released the same day that Niall was teasing him about the other day, as he is promoting both singles at the same time (and how they’re both smashing it.) Also Niall liked a post of Joe Jonas’ about the song yesterday. Basically: this song is ALL UP IN the updates!

And speaking of Niall and his promo- he continues to insist his pronunciation of Niall and Nile aren’t the same, “they’re absolutely not” he says and clarifies: “Nile and Ni-Al.” Ummm... As someone to whom his demonstration sounds literally indistinguishable I have to say I’m enjoying the show (and thank you Anne Marie, who said “THEY ARE EXACTLY THE SAME” for proving that not being able to hear it is not just an American thing). “Listen to me” insists Niall, and also insisted he has “handsome hunk energy” (not ‘big baby energy’ thank you very much)- and in case you don’t believe it he pulled down his shirt to show off his chest hair in an interview, COULD A BIG BABY DO THAT? About NH3 Niall says “this year, next year, no idea.” He and Anne Marie tell us about a deadbeat employee who was cut from the video-- “It’s not in the video but we paid this dog to speak, like ‘woof’ obviously, when he’s been told to speak... and he didn’t speak when we told him to,” Niall admits he’s a fangirl for The Eagles, and Anne Marie makes him turn bright red by calling him out for looking at himself in the mirror; Niall’s collab promo strategy is hilariously identical every time but damn it, it IS fun and cute and effective, so hey carry on! “That promo with Niall I was quite hyper. I’d had a sip of coffee by accident, I thought it was hot chocolate and it switched up my ADHD like woah,” Anne Marie says to explain herself, no excuses whatsoever are needed but lol. Tickets are on sale now for Niall’s (management company’s) golf tournament.

Harry’s photographer Helene Pabrum was interviewed in a new podcast- she answered lots of Harry questions and shared some lovely unseen pictures, from behind the scenes of HSLOT, music video shoots (as recent as TPWK even), and more. She tells us about what she thought when she first started out with him, “I was a little bit obsessed with the faces of all the fans in front of the stage. They were all at the same time crying and happy and so emotional and I was like wow so for me it was as interesting as the show itself,” and how the pictures they posted during tour were chosen-- “On tour when he wanted to post a picture to instagram I didn’t know if he wanted to post a live, or backstage or audience anything else one. So I would just sent a lot of pictures like take all of this, do what you want and he would post one… he is the one choosing the pictures, he’s the one deciding on them. He’s the one doing it and he’s very good at this. He decides…” and “if he doesn’t want to publish the picture he doesn’t do. It’s as simple as this.” (Meaning, I’d guess, that she was aware of the stupid discourse about how Harry probably doesn’t like her photos- uh huh yeah you can tell about how he has continued to hire her over and over for years- because he doesn’t look “good” in them, but at least we can finally put that to rest now right?? Fans: I don’t like Harry anymore because he doesn’t share enough personal stuff. Also fans: ugh why would he post pictures of himself looking human and accessible I hate this get it away, someone other than him is probably to blame! But she also says “I really feel happy and grateful that I receive so many really truly kind comments and kind messages” so that’s good.) Anyway, she also said her favorites are the candid ones, and “when you see a picture of him with just a t-shirt brushing his teeth it’s just great so for me, I was happy with his beautiful outfit and being simple.” She says he didn’t have much interest in picking up any French from her (or Camille I guess hmmm), “maybe he prefers speaking Italian,” and “I was really surprised to see him dancing. I was surprised in a good way, he’s young so he’s good at learning things really quickly.” (She’s only a few years older than him but he’s just got that Big Baby Energy, WBK!)

Meanwhile, Kill My Mind is soaring up the itunes charts worldwide and Walls got a boost as well as the fanbase got ProjectKMM underway, and two more Australia Louis shows were added ×͜×

[megumisbimbo]

- Six -

megumi fushiguro x reader

genre: fluff, slight angst

summary: (y/n) was nothing special. A human being who had no idea that curses walked the same earth they walked. But then they locked eyes with Megumi Fushiguro. Can Fushiguro focus on the task ahead or will he be distracted by the king of curses and his new love interest?

series masterlist

©️ @megumisbimbo — all rights reserved. Please do not repost, modify or translate my work. Reblogs and likes appreciated!

Credit for the main storyline and characters goes to Gege Akutami.

tags: @xreemie @kitkozume @noyakura @vanilnya20 @tobi--o​ 

the songs are indicated throughout the story at certain points!

songs used:

in repair - john mayer

find you - nick jonas

streets - doja cat

— in repair - john mayer —

It’s been three days since the news of Yuji’s death reached you. To be honest, you’ve been a mess. Megumi has been as helpful as possible, cooking for you, tending to whatever needs you had. You’re more than grateful, and he is more than willing to help.

“(y/n), are you hungry?” Megumi asks, leaning against the doorframe.

“Mm a little bit.”

“I can make you something if you’d like, unless you’d rather order takeout.”

“I’m fine with whatever.” You say paying little attention to what he’s saying due to your inability to focus on anything. He notices your far away demeanor and settles on deciding for you.

“ok, then I’ll be back in a bit.”

“ok.”

Megumi’s eyes linger on your broken expression. He shared in your grief, and he understood that Yuji was very important to you and his death is affecting you intensely. He made his way to the school kitchen. A loud female voice pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Oi what are you doing?”

“Kugisaki. I’m making (y/n) something to eat.”

“What are you making?” She asks, walking over to the counter Megumi was standing behind.

“Itadori taught me how to make meatballs and I remember them mentioning that they like them so.”

“Need any help?” Nobara asks, tying her hair back away from her face, ready to help Megumi with his cooking endeavor.

“Sure, it’ll take less time then.”

Megumi and Nobara began working on the meatballs, carefully following the recipe that Yuji had taught.

You sat on your bed staring out the window, patiently waiting for the food Megumi would soon bring. However, your mind was elsewhere. Thoughts of Yuji flooded your mind.

Could you have stopped him from going?

No, he had to go. There’s nothing you could have done to stop him. He wanted to save everyone, even if it cost him his life and in the end, it did. The more you thought about him, the more your heart hurt. A knock at the door momentarily broke you from your grieving.

— find you - nick jonas —

“Come in.”

A tall figure walks into the room, a smile plastered across their face.

“Maki? do you need something?”

“Not really, just came to check on you. Megumi is currently slaving away in the kitchen making something for you and he said you were alone so I thought I’d keep you company.“ She responds, another smaller figure emerging from behind her.

“Salmon.”

“Oh, Inumaki you’re here too.”

“Tuna tuna.”

You giggle at his choice of words, still not used to the onigiri ingredients speech he tends to use.

“So do you have a curse?” She asks.

Do I have a curse.

Well if you count all the unfortunate events that seem to happen in your life, then yes, you had a curse. But you knew that’s not what she was talking about.

“No I don’t.” You respond.

“Well I don’t either, so we’re in the same boat.”

You give her a confused look.

“Wait, then how are you a sorcerer?”

“I use weapons imbued with cursed energy and my glasses help me see the curses I’m fighting. If I’m being honest (y/n), I came here to ask if you wanted to train with us, for the Kyoto exchange.”

Your confused expression turned into an absolutely bewildered one.

“No no I couldn’t, it’s only a month away, that’s not enough time for me to learn anything. Anyways I’m supposed to be keeping a low profile, I’m not supposed to be here. So there’s no way I could fight in a school wide event.”

“Well, we could train you in secret and then present you to Principal Yaga, he can give a placement test and if you pass you’ll be able to fight with us.”

“Salmon.”

You contemplate the suggestion carefully. Could you even become mediocre enough to fight alongside them? Well it’s worth a shot.

“I’ll do it.”

For Yuji.

“Alrighty then, we’ll get started tomorrow.” She says with an amused smirk.

“What starts tomorrow?” Megumi asks, walking into the room with two bowls and two sets of chopsticks. Nobara is trailing behind him carrying a large pot.

“I’m going to teach (y/n) how to use cursed tools so she can participate in the exchange.” Maki says.

“Is that enough time for them to learn? The Kyoto students are no joke.” Megumi responds.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine.” Maki says winking at you. Inumaki exits with her leaving you three to eat your dinner.

Megumi directs Nobara over to the small table located in the center of the room. She places the pot on a small mat and opens it up. The familiar aroma fills your nose.

“Are those meatballs?!”

“Yeah come eat, Kugisaki made some ramen as well.”

“It’s my special ramen recipe, you’ll definitely like it (y/n)!”

You smile at the pair sitting before you. Oh how lucky you were to have such caring people in your life. They make this difficult time a little bit easier. You drop yourself onto the floor next to the table and Megumi hands you a pair of chopsticks. Kugisaki grabs one of the bowls and serves some of the ramen and places it in front of you.

“Ittadakimasu.” You say, more than ready to dig into the food your friends so carefully prepared for you.

“(y/n) try this.” Megumi says a meatball in between his chopsticks, which are sitting right in front of your face. You lean forward and bite into it, Megumi’s hand sitting underneath your chin in case you spill. Your eyes widen.

“This tastes just like Yuji’s!”

“I’m glad you think so, he taught me how to make them a little while ago and I remember you saying you liked them.”

Your expression softened as you stared deep into Megumi’s eyes. Both sets of eyes full of care towards the other, a small smile playing across each face.

“Bleh, save it for when you’re alone you two.” Nobara says, forcefully making her presence known.

You turn away from him, a light blush tinting your cheeks. The three of you sit and eat in comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other’s presence.

Although, it did feel too quiet. You secretly hoped Yuji would burst through the door with a big smile and break the silence with a verbal sledgehammer. You missed his loud voice, his energy, his bravery, his hugs, his hands, his lips. You shake your head.

What were those thoughts about? Since when did you miss the way he felt?

You feel a hand land on yours jolting you slightly. You turn your head and see Megumi’s hand half clasped around yours, rubbing his thumb across your flesh.

“You’re crying (y/n), are you ok?”

Crying?

You touch your face and feel a dampness sitting on your cheek. When did you start crying?

Megumi lets go of your hand and wipes your cheek with the back of his. His hand lingers on your cheek and you lean into his warm touch.

I like the way his hands feel too, I wonder what his lips feel like...

“I’ll wash up the dishes” Nobara says, standing and collecting all the dirty bowls scattered across the table.

— streets - doja cat —

She exits the room, leaving you and Megumi alone. His hand finds his way back to yours, as he mindlessly scrolls through his phone. You lean your head onto his shoulder, wrapping your arm around his. He turns and gives you a soft kiss on your temple. His lips felt soft and warm. You wanted to feel them again.

“We should sleep. It’s getting pretty late.” He says, his face mere inches away from yours.

“Will you..stay next to me...just until I fall asleep.” You hesitantly ask.

“Sure.” He responds with a sweet smile. He smiles more often now, but only when he’s with you. As if, he only wants you to see him smile. As if his smile belonged to you.

“You can take a shower first.” He says, as he reaches his hands out to you pulling you up from the ground and into his arms. You let go of him and make your way over to the closet. You grab some pajamas and your shower stuff and walk into the bathroom. You take a quick shower, desperate to sleep this awful day away. You walk out of the bathroom, a towel around your neck, protecting your clothes from the water that drips from your hair. Megumi walks behind you, taking the towel off of your shoulders. He drops it back on top of your head, and begins gently massaging your hair.

“You don’t have to Megumi, I could have done it myself.” You say, a soft blush painting your cheeks.

“It’s fine, I wanted to do it anyway.” He responds, His fingers expertly rubbing your damp hair. His gentle movements slowly put you to sleep, and you catch yourself leaning back onto his chest. He throws the towel into the laundry bin and picks you up bridal style carrying you to your bed. You’re too exhausted to try and stop him, so you allow yourself to melt into his hold. He places you on your bed and gets into it himself. He keeps himself above the covers, giving you space so you can feel his presence without feeling uncomfortable. You slowly drift off to sleep.

You wake up when you feel the bed move. Your eyes open slightly catching Megumi sitting on the edge of your bed, ready to go to his own. You reach over and lightly tug on the edge of his shirt, getting his attention.

“Where are you going?” You ask, your voice groggy and strained.

“Back to my bed, I thought you were asleep.” He responds, brushing his soft fingers across your cheek.

“...Stay.”

He looks at you with a faint shocked expression.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m only a few feet away you could-“

“Stay.” You say, cutting him off mid sentence. He gives in, and lays back down on the bed next to you.

“Are you cold?” You ask.

“No I’m ok.” He says.

You know he’s lying. He’s actively shaking next to you, and he thinks you won’t notice? Nice try Megumi.

“Get under the covers, you’re shaking.”

He gives you a questioning look, making sure you actually know what you’re saying.

“You sure?”

“Yes Megumi I’m sure.”

He sits up once again, pulling the blankets up and over himself. You slot yourself next to him, facing his back. You subconsciously wrap an arm around him, placing your chin comfortably on his shoulder. Your breath tickles his ear, causing him to smile ever so slightly. He intertwines your hands and enjoys the warmth radiating from your body.

He wakes up early the next morning, your legs tangled together and your lips dangerously close to his. He must have turned in his sleep. He sets his smooth hand on your still sleeping face, running his thumb across the apple of your cheek.

“Cute.”

[singledarkshade]

Alone

Summary: He hoped Gideon had been listening when the signal went out, as brief as it had been, and it reached her otherwise he would probably die here. But as the last of the Time Masters, maybe it was time. Author’s Note: Day 3: “I’ve seen darker days.” – Terrible things have happened to Rip throughout the show, but as fans we’re good at thinking up more. It’s Whump Day!                                ********************************************* Rip Hunter, former Time Master, former Time Bureau Director, former Captain, former husband, former father, and current recluse walked slowly through the deserted space station looking for the point of origin of the distress signal he was tracking.

The station had been shut down for years and, from what he knew, there should be nothing working at all. Never mind a signal made by technology over a hundred years ahead of when the station existed.

He checked the tracker on his modified courier for the information Gideon had provided for him. Rip shook away his sadness at the fact they weren’t together, but current circumstances meant they weren’t able to be.

Reaching the coordinates, Rip frowned when he saw the object and realising that what he’d been tracking was a trap set by Time Pirates. Turning he began to run through the corridors back to the Time Sphere, hearing the device charging. Reaching the Sphere, Rip jumped in and activated a time jump but before the portal closed the Sphere was rocked by an energy wave. Rip grimaced as he fought to steady the small craft, but the blast had disabled several of the systems.

“Come on,” he muttered as he tried to keep the small vessel inside the time stream long enough to reach his current base of operations, but the sphere didn’t have the same redundancies the Waverider did. Suddenly the time stream disappeared, and Rip saw the ground rushing towards him. Slamming the button to activate the emergency beacon, Rip managed to grab the disaster kit and activated the sphere’s version of an airbag before he hit the ground. Aware of things smashing around him, Rip’s head slammed against the console before everything went black.

Rip woke slowly.

His head was throbbing but as almost every other part of him was aching, it was in the majority. Forcing his eyes open, Rip could see the Sphere was completely dead and in complete disarray. He was lying on his side, his legs trapped beneath the seat and Rip felt any hope of rescue die quickly seeing the beacon was as dead as the rest of the Sphere. He hoped Gideon had been listening when the signal went out, as brief as it had been, and it reached her otherwise he would probably die here.

But as the last of the Time Masters, maybe it was time.

He’d been alone for so long, betrayed by those who raised him, by the man who he looked up to and almost thought of as a father, then forced to destroy them, the people he loved were all dead while those he had once called friend presumed him dead and probably had a party at the fact.

Perhaps it was time he finally did.

“Please,” a mocking voice drawled, “You won’t die. I’m not that lucky.”

Turning slightly, Rip frowned as he saw a familiar woman sitting just to one side of him, “Sara?”

“Well,” Sara Lance said amused, “Your brain is still working for the moment.”

He frowned confused, “Why are you here? How are you here?”

“To make sure you actually die this time,” she smirked at him, “Since you clearly didn’t after the Mallus thing. I don’t want to have to worry about you trying to take my ship. Even if there’s no way you could, it would be inconvenient to have to put up with the attempt.”

Rip closed his eyes as he thought of his ship, his home and Gideon who he knew worried about him while he worked away from her.

“The Waverider is mine,” he breathed, “You’re currently allowed to use her.”

Sara laughed, “Do you really think you could walk onto the Waverider and even get a chance to say a word before we had you in the brig, bound and gagged so you couldn’t talk to Gideon? She wouldn’t accept you back anyway. After how often you’ve abandoned her.”

“Gideon knows…”

“What?” Sara demanded, “That you care about her? You’re fooling no one, Rip. We all know the only one you care about is you. Gideon was just a means to an end, a tool you used and threw away when you found something better. You can pretend to yourself that you asked her to come with us but,” she smirked, “We both know she came with us to get away from you.”

Rip covered his eyes with his hand, “No. She knows why I left, she understands.”

“You’re so pathetic,” Sara shook her head, “No wonder Druce was able to manipulate you with ease. You’re desperate to be loved, desperate to be relevant but let’s face it, Rip you’re not. I mean look how easy your beloved mentor fooled you,” she paused and smirked at him, “The love of your life was probably screwing you under his orders.”

Rip flinched at her words, at a deep unspoken fear he had that could never be eased since Miranda was gone, being spoken aloud.

“Because who could possibly love someone like you?”

With a cry Rip threw the first aid kit at her, it bounced off the shell of the ship and fell to the ground. Rip closed his eyes and slipped into unconsciousness.

 The pain in his head was worse when Rip woke again, touching his forehead he winced as he felt the wound there. Pulling his hand back he saw blood coating his fingers. That explained the pain.

“Injured again, Rip. Honestly if it wasn’t for our medical technology, you would have been dead years ago,” Druce said, making Rip flinch when he saw the man sitting where Sara had been earlier, “But then again you should have been dead a long time, that worthless brat we found living on the streets.”

“You’re dead,” Rip whispered, horror filling his voice.

Druce smiled darkly at him, “Am I? You know better than anyone how to fake your death.”

“I didn’t fake my death,” Rip replied coldly, “I simply didn’t let the team know I survived. They don’t care anyway.”

“Well, that is true,” Druce noted, “The team you brought together learned very quickly how worthless you are. They have a leader they actually listen to, someone who can fix the ship as well as programme the AI and a historian. Where would you fit in?”

Rip closed his eyes.

“And even Gideon,” Druce continued, “Your dear Gideon, she doesn’t need you at all. The only people who ever needed you, Rip, you utterly failed to protect.”

“Stop,” Rip snapped.

“Miranda would have been so much better if she’d never met you,” Druce reminded him, “And your son probably would be alive now is she’d never let you know him.”

“Stop!!!” Rip screamed, the memory of Jonas dead in his arms hitting him and tears filled Rip’s eyes, “Please, don’t.”

“Failing at everything you’ve ever tried to be is bad enough,” Druce ignored Rip’s pleas, “But that little boy, so innocent and full of life deserved so much better than you.”

“Stop, stop, stop,” Rip cried, turning his head away sharply, it connected with something solid and fell into unconsciousness once more.

                                 *********************************************

 Rip felt sick as he woke up once more to the empty Sphere. At least Druce was gone but the feeling of hopelessness his former mentor had left him with remained.

He had to get himself out of this and find a way back to Gideon to repair his injuries but right now, Rip had no idea how. His mind was fuzzy, it felt like it had been filled with cotton wool and he wanted to just give in, to simply sleep but he knew he couldn’t.

“You were never lazy,” the clipped voice of Mary Xavier told him, “You have plenty of other faults, but I will admit you’ve never been lazy.”

“Mother,” Rip whispered.

She shook her head, “Oh, Michael, what a mess you are.”

Shaking his head, Rip sighed, “Please, don’t. I can’t take it from you too. You’ve always encouraged me.”

“Well, that was my job,” Mary reminded him matter-of-factly, “To take the children I was given and make them Time Masters. I had to act like I cared about them.”

“Mother…”

“I have never met such a needy child as you before or since,” she sighed sadly, “Desperate for approval, desperate for love, desperate for someone to tell him he is good boy.”

Rip stared at her through tear filled eyes, “Don’t…”

“It was so easy to get you on the right path,” Mary continued, “Bake with you, tell you stories, pat you on the head and you were my little lapdog.”

“I love you,” Rip whispered.

“I know, Michael,” she smiled at him sympathetically, “Which was why it was so easy to train you.”

Rip closed his eyes, “Go away, go away, go away.”

“That’s not a nice thing to say to your mother, Michael,” she admonished.

“You’re not my mother,” he snapped, “Because she would never say these things to me and she…”

“She?” Mary motioned him to continue when he trailed off.

Rip whispered, “I don’t know where she went after the Time Masters were destroyed.”

“For all you know,” she noted, “She’s dead.”

He nodded.

“One more person you claim to love who you failed,” Mary told him.

“Mother…”

“No, you don’t get to call me that anymore,” she told him sharply, “Only someone who would care to look for me can call me that.”

“I looked,” Rip whispered.

She ignored him continuing, “Only someone worthy of the love I gave deserves to call me mother and you are nothing more than a worthless pathetic failure.”

Trying to move to her, pain stabbed in his legs and Rip cried out, Mary shook her head before she disappeared.

 Rip realised suddenly he was hallucinating. Which considering he’d seen three people who’d disappeared, one of who was definitely dead, meant his brain was not functioning as it normally would.

“Head injury,” Rip murmured to himself, “But that doesn’t explain hallucinations this vivid.”

Taking several deep breaths, Rip hunted through the emergency pack lying beside him for some water. He took a few sips from the canteen, realising he could smell something on his clothes. A strange sickly smell that he hadn’t noticed before and grimaced, “Bollocks.”

The booby trap wasn’t just an energy blast, they had included a hallucinogen probably activated the moment Rip had walked into the engine room of the station, to disorientate the victim while the pirates raided their ship. If it was the one that he thought it was, then it was going to get a lot worse before it wore off. Rip knew he was not the poster child for good mental health and dreaded what else his subconscious would dredge up to taunt him with.

Suddenly remembering he had a courier, Rip looked around to find some components to see if he could modify it to signal Gideon.  Rip groaned finding it smashed beyond repair, so there was no way it was going to open a portal to the Waverider. He had to find a way to make it sturdier if he survived this.

“Focus,” he murmured to himself, “Focus.”

“You always could focus.”

Rip felt the knife in his heart and tears fill his eyes, “No.”

“Now is that any way to greet your wife?” Miranda asked sweetly.

Raising his head Rip stared at the woman before him, the woman who had stolen his heart before he’d even realised that he liked her.

“Miranda.”

“My darling husband,” she smiled at him before noting, “You look terrible by the way.”

Rip closed his eyes, “Not you, please not you. I can’t hear the things I feel about myself from you.”

“Oh, Rip,” Miranda whispered, “It’s only the truth you’re being told.”

“I know you loved me,” Rip whispered, tears slipped down his cheeks, “It’s one of the only truths in my life.”

“Are you sure?” Miranda asked, “Because let’s face it, dear you are not good with people. And I was taught to lie just as much as you were. In fact, more since I was raised by the Time Masters from a much earlier age.”

Rip winced, “Don’t…”

“I’m not saying it wasn’t fun pretending to love you,” Miranda mused, “When you are focused on doing something well, you really work at it but…” she trailed off with a smirk.

Remembering how he’d managed to get rid of the hallucination of his mother, Rip looked up at the beautiful women he’d loved in a way he’d never known himself capable of.

“I love you,” he whispered before he deliberately moved his leg sending a stab of pain through his leg.

As Miranda disappeared, Rip dropped his head and wept.

 Managing to stop his tears, Rip forced himself to concentrate on working. His resolve instantly dissolved at the small voice piping up, “Daddy.”

“I can’t do this anymore,” Rip cried, “Please stop.”

“Don’t you miss me, Daddy?”

Looking up Rip saw the earnest face of his son looking down at him and whispered achingly, “Jonas.”

“Don’t you miss me, Daddy?” the little boy asked again.

“Every day,” Rip breathed, “I miss you every day.”

“Then why did you leave me?” Jonas asked a confused pout on his face, “Why weren’t you there when the bad man killed me? Why didn’t you stop him?”

Rip stared at him, no longer able to cry, “I tried, Jonas. I tried so hard for so long. I’m sorry. Please forgive me, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t deserve to be forgiven,” the little boy scowled at him, “You deserve nothing.”

Reaching out for his son, Rip whispered, “Jonas…Jonas…Jo…”

The world spun and Rip fell into blackness.

                                 *********************************************

 “Gideon?” John called as he scanned the area, “Are you sure this is where the beacon came from?”

“I am, Mr Constantine,” Gideon replied, “The Time Sphere should be within view soon.”

John sighed, the problem with being the only member of the crew who knew Rip was alive was that Gideon expected him to go searching without any back-up when the idiot got himself into trouble.

“Why is he using that and not the Time Courier, which would let him step from place to place?” John demanded, “Isn’t that much easier?”

“Captain Hunter prefers to use the Time Sphere as there is a possibility someone may try to follow him through the portal back to his base of operations,” Gideon explained before adding, “An issue the Legends have experienced.”

Continuing along the path, John finally spotted the Time Sphere or more accurately what was left of it. Running over, John grimaced finding Rip trapped and unconscious with blood dripping down his face.

“Damn it, you crazy bastard,” John snapped, “What the hell did you do this time?”

Crouching down beside his friend, John checked for a pulse, relieved to find one. Slow but it was there.

“Gideon,” John said, moving junk off Rip, “I’ve found him.”

“Excellent, Mr Constantine,” Gideon said, relief evident in her voice, “Is he injured?”

“It’s Rip,” John replied wearily, “Of course, he’s injured.”

The man in question groaned, murmuring something about not being able to take it anymore.

“Typically,” John continued before Gideon say anything, “He’s also pinned beneath parts of the Time Sphere, I need to get things off him then get him to the med bay. From the look of it, he’s going to be in a lot of pain and possibly bleeding heavily.”

The portal to the medical bay opened beside him and Gideon told him, “I am waiting for you.”

John grimaced, he pulled the loose bits of kit out of the way before managing to shift the seat pinning Rip to the ground off the other man, releasing his legs but unfortunately this meant the wounds it had been pressing on began to gush blood.

“This is not going to be pleasant,” John murmured as he gripped Rip under his arms, “But hopefully you’ll stay unconscious, and Gideon will have you on the good drugs soon.”

Pulling Rip out of the Sphere made him cry out but thankfully he didn’t waken. John managed to get him into the medbay then onto the medical chair and attached the cuff to Rip’s wrist.

Gideon instantly began to scan Rip, sedating him and started the healing process.

“I suggest once you clean up the blood on the floor,” Gideon said, “That you get something to eat and drink. I shall contact you once Captain Hunter is awake.”

John sighed, grabbing a cloth he gently patted his friend’s shoulder.

 “Captain,” a gentle voice invaded the blackness, “Wake up, Captain.”

Rip squeezed his eyes shut, he couldn’t do this anymore. Not with Gideon, she was all he had left. Why couldn’t he stay unconscious? Why did his mind have to torture him like this?

“It’s alright, Rip,” she continued, gentle fingers stroked his hair, “You’re home.”

Slowly opening his eyes, Rip found he was in the parlour of the Waverider with Gideon sitting at his side.

“Are you real?” he asked softly.

An amused smile touched her lips, “That is a discussion we might wait to have until I am sure you are well enough to debate.”

“You know what I mean,” Rip frowned at her, “Am I hallucinating you or am I on the Waverider?”

Gideon squeezed his hand, “You are currently in the medbay, under my care and sedated so you stay put.”

Relief filled him.

“From your blood work, you were exposed to the hallucinogen, SL27,” Gideon spoke up.

“I knew it was something potent,” Rip sighed, looking at her sadly, “What I saw…”

“Was not real, Rip,” Gideon reminded him, “It was your subconscious fears brought to life, voiced by people you would listen to.”

Rip stared at her, he wanted to rest just for a short time with his best friend before he had to leave once more but unbidden the question slipped from his lips, “Did Miranda love me?”

“Oh, Rip,” Gideon whispered, “Of course she did. Miranda was deeply in love with you.”

He shook his head, “I know, I do know but…”

“The hallucinogen you were exposed to has played with your mind,” Gideon sympathised, before stating, “I have something for you from my memory banks that will help.”

Rip frowned confused jumping in amazement as Miranda appeared before him dressed in her wedding dress with a worried frown on her face as she paced a small strip in front of him.

“Is something wrong, Lieutenant Coburn?” Gideon asked her, “Are you having second thoughts about the wedding?”

Miranda shook her head, “No. I can’t wait to marry Rip. I love him more than I knew I could love anyone.”

Rip felt tears fill his eyes but stayed quiet as the scene played out before him.

“Then what is concerning you?” Gideon asked.

Sighing Miranda confessed, “That by marrying him I’ll be holding him back. I know Rip is destined for great things. I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t reach his potential.”

Gideon turned back to Rip and hugged him tightly as Miranda disappeared.

“She loved you,” Gideon reminded him.

“I’ve never felt as alone as I did when the vision of Miranda suggested she never loved me,” Rip took a shuddering breath in, “I thought I was going to die there.”

“You are never alone,” Gideon assured him, “And I will always come for you, my dear Captain.”

 Rip dressed after his shower, happy to be home wishing he didn’t have to leave again but he knew the team needed Gideon to guide them more than he did for now. Besides the noise they made hid his work from those who would try to interfere.

“Your new Time Courier is ready, Captain,” Gideon spoke up, “And Mr Constantine is waiting for you in the parlour.”

“Thank you, Gideon,” Rip gave her a quick smile.

Grabbing his freshly laundered duster, Rip rested his hand on the bulkhead before he walked up to the bridge where John was waiting for him.

“Thank you,” Rip said, “For coming to help me.”

“Gideon gave me no choice,” John told him, an amused smile touching his lips, “But you’re welcome.”

Rip chuckled softly, “I’m assuming the team are visiting family or taking a break while you’re here.”

“Actually, they’re in the middle of a mission,” John shrugged, “Gideon assures me she can return the ship to the exact same moment we left.”

“She can,” Rip nodded, “And I should let you go.”

“Captain,” Gideon said softly, “You do not need to leave so soon.”

Stroking the central console beneath her avatar, Rip sighed, “I do. The longer I’m here, there is a greater probability that the crew will discover my survival.”

Taking a deep breath, Rip picked up the bag with the supplies Gideon had made for him before tapping a few instructions into his courier.

“Gideon, please reset the preferences within the base to allow me access via portal?” he asked.

“Of course, Captain,” Gideon told him.

“John, thank for finding me,” he said to his friend, “Take care of Gideon.”

John shook Rip’s hand, “I will but I don’t want to have to save your sorry arse again, so be more careful.”

“I’ll try,” Rip gave a slight sardonic smile, opening the portal he left the Waverider once more hoping it wouldn’t be for too long.

[struggles-for-snuggles]

BNHA as Things I Heard at School

Sero: Is this how you feel right now? *raises phone to show video of a dung beetle rolling off a cliff*

Kaminari, after his phone rings: My butt is vibrating!

Bakugou: Sometimes I just want to be mean.

Kirishima: You just gotta be like 'No Homo bro'

Mic, teaching arts and crafts: You're going to cut along the edge until you get a pentagram. Wait-

Mina, wearing a unicorn onesie: I'm a fucking hoe-i-corn, bitch!

Kaminari: Molly is short for Mollifer.

Sero: Just take a nap in meth.

Also Sero: I almost said yes to being a registered sex offender...

Aoyama: I just had deja vous! He he!

Kirishima, jokingly: Can I succ on your peep???

Shiozaki: Jesus is my best friend!

Kaminari: Destroy me daddy, uwu~

Mina: She yelled at me for slapping my thighs. *proceeds to slap thighs once more*

Midoriya: I don't even know how to respond to that...

Kaminari @ Monoma: (i know that they're japanese but shhh) When you're all high and mighty and think that you're better than me, remember that you're of the same ethnicity as the Kardashians.

Bakugou: I'm just always pissed off on the inside

Also Bakugou: Maybe I /want/ to torture you.

Kaminari: Have /you/ ever parallel parked a submarine??

Iida: There are children present!

Sero: That doesn't mean there aren't any hard drugs.

Kaminari: THAT's MY D O G SERO!

Todoroki, about UA: This is child abuse.

Midoriya: What is?

Todoroki: All of it.

Shiozaki: That's not very christlike!

Kirishima, high thanks to Sero: *grabs Bakugou's face and whispers seductively* Fettuccini~

Jirou: AP classes are how they weed out all the weak ones.

Tsuyu, about Ochako: She's got thunder thighs.

Kaminari: *explaining to Todoroki how to kiss someone* First you scrunch, and then you suck. Simple as that!

Mina, about Kirishima: Absolutely, positively, without a doubt, homosexual.

Bakugou: I hate you!

Todoroki: Well congratulations, I hate me too.

Mineta: *gasp* Boobies!

Mina, about Bakugou: He's gay, right? I'm pretty sure he's gay.

Mina @ Mineta: Do you have to take everything and make it kinky?

Kirishima: I put mayonnaise in my hair to make it soft.

Midnight: Remember your STDs-

Kaminari: So you know the Jonas brothers, right?

Mina: Yeah.

Kaminari: Did you know there's a fourth one?

Kirishima: No way. Really?

Kaminari: Yeah! Guess what they call him.

Sero: Idk, what?

Kaminari: /ThE BOnUs JoNAs/

Midoriya: *trying out for the dance team* I can shimmie my heart out but that's about it.

Kaminari: I wrote a short story about /Teletubbies/...

Tetsutetsu: My ribcage is bigger than your ribcage! Come at my bro!

Kaminari: But who uses all ten of their toes anyway?

Aizawa: The safe word is pickle.

Aoyama: LIBERTAIRE LES BISCUITS!

Sero: I look like a really sad twix bar.

Jirou: We should be genetically modifying babies to work like vacuums.

Kaminari: I like sexual tension, bitches, and necrophilia.

Everyone @ Midoriya: *eating a cinnaon roll* That's cannibalism!

Kirishima: We all have great hair, we're gay.

Sero: Yo I discriminate colors all the time.

Mic: *plas Talk Dirty to Me in class as loudly as possible*

Mina: I want another tit.

Kaminari: He's skilled, he did it with his hands!

Todoroki: I believe the expression is 'it'll hit you like a brick truck'

Aoyama: Tout tout~

Kirishima: If you had to be an animal, what animal would you be?

Mina: Dr. Phil.

Kaminari: You know, I'm not sitting here judging you on /your/ actions.

Mina: Which gay one? We're talking about Class 1-A here!

Aizawa: You guys, you walking hormones.

Aoyama: Je suis tres bon~

Kirishima: Oh Canada, oh Canada, how great they big red leaves! And maple syrup, on your knees!

Mina, about the 1-A girls: Six lesbians on a Saturday morning.

Jirou: *is sing-laugh-crying* I feel like this is what would happen if you were possessed by a demon.

Shinsou: Think of us--walking monkey people who do things like taxes.

Kaminari: Think about it, chicken noodle soup tastes like piss but in a good way!

Sero: CornHub

Midoriya @ Todoroki: This time, you pretend to be the fetus.

Hagakure: Selfie!!

Iida: I'm performing surgery!

Shiozaki @ all of Class 1-A: You need to go to church once in a while.

Shiozaki @ Shishida: I'm in a robe, son.

Kaminari: Hey baby, do you like things that leak?

Iida: It's okay, I'm kinda like a therapist too!

Sero: Everyone's like hahahahaha /r a c i s m/

Kaminari @ Sero: I. Don't. Care. About. Your. Elbows!

All Might: Ahaha, that was a riot! 12 people died.

Bakugou: I'm gonna take off it's legs and ride it like the corndog it is!

Kaminari: I've been a bad boy, punish me harder Daddy~

Shinsou: If you bit me I'd probably taste like guacamole because I'm literally an avocado.

Satou: Ah... High fructose corn syrup! How I've missed you!

Shiozaki: You're doing soul push-ups in church.

Sero: The only thing that has an unbreakable bond is Flex Tape.

Tsuyu @ Mineta: You know what doesn't work underwater? Human lungs.

Todoroki: I'm kinda neutral about it because I already live in a world without hugs.

Midoriya: Hang on, sorry. I've got problems.

Shiozaki: With shoes, you can walk to church.

Kirishima: It's like my mom used to say: No I don't have hemorrhoids, why do you ask?

Kaminari: Are hemorrhoids a sandwich?

Sero: When they're between two buns, yes.

Shiozaki: You come to stake dances often?

Mineta: Yow nowt even wistening two mwee!!

Tsuyu: it's kinda hard to, you don't have kneecaps.

Kaminari: Yes! According to the Pokedex on my watch.

Uraraka: *trying to get Midoriya's attention* Oh no, I tripped! Now I'm wounded!

Mina: I'm a farminist.

Sero: If you smoke Claritin, it'll make your head /really/ clear.

Todoroki: You know what they say--hair is just the nails of the scalp.

Tokoyami: I climb trees, and if I'm feeling exciting, shrubs!

Kirishima: I'm the nut man, I just like nuts.

Kirishima: Act: Acquired Cashew Taste.

Kaminari: Technically you're not an adult until you have sex for the first time, but using a credit card comes pretty close.

[labelleofbelfastcity]

fig and gorgug’s excellent adventure

word count: 1.7k

read on ao3 here!

“Bill, my most esteemed colleague…”

Fig looks over at a quietly snoring Gorgug, his face softly lit by the shadows of Bill and Ted on her crystal. Even after a year of knowing each other, a few months of which were spent in a cramped cell together, she hadn’t known he snores. It had never been quiet enough, she had never been quiet enough, to notice that about him.

If Fig focuses, she can feel the rumble of the tour bus against her back, and, if she leans her head against the metal wall by her shoulder, the vibrations of tires over asphalt rattle around in her skull. They’ve only been on the road for a week, with just two concerts under their belts, and Fig is already kind of exhausted.

It’s a lot. The managers and the calls home and the makeup assignments for missed schoolwork. She probably wouldn’t even be doing the latter, but Gorgug spends his allotted midmorning time sitting at their extremely tiny table, with papers of Barbarian Theory and Engineering 1 scattered around him, and she’d feel like an asshole to just watch.

Fig hasn’t been sleeping well, either. The little bunk seems to press in around her, shoving her into an even smaller version of herself. Which feels stupid to complain about, because Gorgug is over a foot taller than her, since his growth spurt over the summer, and he’s sleeping just fine.

As if to prove her point, Gorgug shifts in his sleep, curling closer into Fig’s side. It’s just past one in the morning, and they have a gig tomorrow so Fig should really be sleeping too, but she’d felt like crying, for some reason, alone in her bunk. She’d crawled into Gorgug’s, instead, and pulled up Bill and Ted while he blinked blearily at her. It didn’t take him much longer to fall back asleep—now with his arm tucked around Fig’s shoulders—and Fig continues to hide from her emotions by watching Ted philosophize.

“Hey, Gorgug,” Fig hisses, burrowing her head into his chest in a way she knows will stick him with her horns. “Gorgug.”

“Hrmgh,” he grumbles, shifting more so that Fig can’t really poke him anymore. “Go to sleep.”

“No. Gorgug, hey. Come on, dude, I have an idea.” She doesn’t, really, more the idea of an idea, just like how Bill and Ted only operate on negative brian power and a pretty homoerotic bromance.

Homoerotic. She must’ve texted Kristen too much yesterday.

“Sleep is my idea,” Gorgug says, but it’s more of a sigh and a yawn wrapped up together and stretched like a yawning cat.

Fig’s brain unhelpfully supplies an image of sleepy Riz—ears cocked all funny and pupils absolutely giant. She shoves it back into the little chest lovingly marked “Bad Kids” that she’d constructed the second they drove away from Elmville because Fig is great at compartmentalizing and hiding her feelings. Totally.

“I’m bored, I want to do my idea.”

“You’re watching Bill and Ted.”

“No, I’m not. I’m talking to you.”

“Then stop talking to me and go to sleep.”

Fig huffs, about to say something just into the realm of mean, but then she feels Gorgug smile against the top of her head, and she relaxes a little.

“What’s your idea?” He asks, still sleepy, but also endearing in that goofy and sweet Gorgug way.

There’s a pause, while Fig tries to come up with her idea. The bus trundles along and Bill and Ted continue to kidnap historical figures. Finally, she says, much quieter than is warranted, like it’s some big secret she’s been holding close to her heart, “I’m gonna find a chronomancer so we can go back in time.”

“Like Augefort?” Gorgug yawns again.

“Absolutely not, Augefort doesn’t have Rufus energy.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Maybe not a chronomancer, then, but like, someone who’s fucked with time, ya know. It would be cool to hang out with someone who’s fucked with time.”

“Like Augefort?” Gorgug says, before amending, “No. Wait. Rufus.”

“Yeah, Rufus,” Fig agrees. “Except if Rufus were hot, I think it would be more fun if our Rufus was hot.”

“Rufus is already hot. He’s got… sunglasses.”

Fig giggles and Gorgug snorts too. “You need your eyes checked, dude.”

“We watched the,” he yawns, “the Matrix last month. That’s what you said about Neo.”

“Uh. Neo is Keanu Reeves so just, automatically hot. Which. Speaking of. Bill and Ted are right there, dude.”

Gorgug laughs, quietly, voice still gummy with sleep, as he pokes her gently in the side, “I thought you liked older men.”

Fig makes a face that is very scandalized and very affronted. “That doesn’t mean I like Rufus.”

Gorgug shrugs, as best he can while in cuddle-mode. “I don’t know…”

Fig huffs and whacks him on the arm. “Maybe we should go to sleep.”

“Works for me,” he says, and settles back down.

“Hey. Hey! Don’t go back to bed, Gorgug. I’m still talking.”

He grumbles and turns his head even further into hers, trying to shield his eyes from the crystal’s light. “Watch your movie.”

“This is our movie, Gorgug. It’s ours.”

“It’s too late for it to be ‘our’ anything.”

“You’re no fun, you know that? No fun.”

“I’m sorry,” Gorgug says, way too sincerely for her to continue down that line of teasing.

“Hey, no, it’s fine. You’re tired, I should let you rest.”

Gorgug’s hand moves where it’s on her shoulder, rubbing over her sleep shirt, and then pausing, “Hey, is this mine?”

“Um,” Fig says, because it is, in fact, his. He’d left one of his Owlbears t-shirts on a chair, right after they unpacked all their stuff onto the tour bus, and she’d thought about it for approximately three seconds before snatching it and chucking it at her pile of clothes.

That first night, neither her nor Gorgug had gotten any sleep, sitting on the floor of the bus between their bunks, anxiously going over lyric and style choices for the next night’s show. So the shirt had waited until after their first concert, when both of them had been too tired to do much more than change out of sweaty, smoke-filled clothes and fall into their respective beds. It had smelled comfortingly of the Thistlesprings’ homemade fabric softener, but Fig’s varying states of cleanliness have not helped the smell stick around.

Now, though, cuddled up against Gorgug’s chest, she doesn’t miss the shirt’s smell. It’s nothing compared to the real thing.

“It’s okay if you took it,” Gorgug says, cracking a small smile. “It looks better on you anyway.”

“Since when do you have an eye for fashion, Mr. Hoodies-In-Summer?”

He reaches around and pokes her on the cheek, “Hey, my hoodies are a catch for women ages thirteen to twenty-eight.”

“We did sell, like, a literal ton last night,” Fig says, snorting.

There’s a lull in the conversation. Bill and Ted shred some sick air guitar.

“...It’s a little weird,” Gorgug says, eventually, in that introspective tone of his that promises paternal questioning.

“What is?”

“That we’re sophomores in high school and have so many people, like, caring about us. Or, I mean, watching us. Like, I guess we’re famous, or something? That’s weird.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“I guess I never thought about it like that.” Fig’s been too caught up in the whole being famous thing to think about what it means for her, a fifteen year old, to be famous. She isn’t a fan of thinking about it, actually, and decides to put it off even further. This is why Gorgug’s the thoughtful, considerate one.

“That’s probably why you’re better at songwriting than I am,” Gorgug muses. “You just do what feels right.”

Fig shifts a little, so she can look at him better, his features cast in the shifting colors of the crystal. “Dude, that’s like all drumming is. Like, just playing your emotions and not overthinking it. And you’re literally the world’s best drummer.”

“Oh,” Gorgug laughs, “I wouldn’t say that.”

“You are. What other teenager gets to go on a tour while they’re still in high school?”

“Um. The Jonas Brothers?”

“I mean this in the nicest way possible, but if you compare our music to the Jonas Brothers again I will stab you with my horns.”

“I really don't think they’re poky enough to do that—”

“Stab, Gorgug. With force. You wouldn’t like it.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll take your word for it.”

“Wo-ah,” Ted says, on the crystal.

“Wicked,” Bill chimes in.

“What if we talked like them at our next concert?” Fig asks, “Just come out with full Bill and Ted voices and keep them up the whole show.”

“That sounds… hard.”

“No, it would be fun! Like, um,” Fig switches into the voice, drawing out her vowels and smiling dumbly, “we’ll totally get babes like this, dude.”

“You can get princess babes,” Gorgug says. “I’ve got Zelda. That’s basically the same thing.”

“Oh my god, you’re too cute,” Fig burrows closer to him, back in her usual voice.

She can tell Gorgug’s blushing by the bashful tone of his silence. “Um, thanks. I should probably call her tomorrow.”

“Do you mind if I join too? I really like her, she’s nice. And sick as hell.”

“Yeah, that would be fun! We can show her our set, maybe.”

“Totally! If school wasn’t on right now we could’ve brought her along.”

“I don’t know, wouldn’t that, like, Beatles us?”

“Did you seriously just mention another boy band? Also, beyond that, did you use the Beatles as a verb?”

“Er.”

“Sometimes, I wonder how you ever made it into the punk-rock scene. And then I remember that I invited you.”

“Thanks for doing that,” Gorgug says, wrapping his other arm around Fig’s shoulders. “I never really said it before, but, thank you. This has, um, it’s meant a lot to me.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, dude.”

“It’s, like, kind of everything right now, Fig.”

“Oh.”

“So, I guess, um, thank you. For inviting me to join a band with you and taking me on tour.”

“I, uh… Of course. Thanks for being my drummer, Gorgug. I’ll always take you on my adventures.”

“And I’ll always go with you.”

Bill says, “Excellent,” on the crystal screen, smiling at Ted with big eyes.

Yeah, Fig thinks, as Gorgug sighs and smiles into the top of her head. Excellent.

[lovelylogans]

honey, you’re familiar (like my mirror)

prologue: (re)birth

see next chapters, notes, and warnings here!

“We all experience many births and deaths in a life.” —Jonas Maliki, Sense8 

EMILE

Emile Picani has always loved children, but, as a cis man, he had generally contented himself with the fact that a woman would eventually bear them (as he pieced together the whole oops, all gay! thing in his mid-to-late teens, he mentally altered that to through surrogacy) or that he would adopt children with a loving partner someday.

He had really been very, very content with the idea of never giving birth. He had been perfectly fine with the idea of never giving birth. He would really, really love it if he were not giving birth right now. But as it is—

“Does psychic birth count as birth?” Linda asks, tilting her head; she’d chopped off her hair in her kitchen a month ago, so now it swishes along her jaw. The loss of a foot of hair doesn’t mean her hair is any more tamed than it was when it was waist-length, back when they’d first seen each other face-to-face.

Emile moans in pain, rolling face-down onto the couch to press his face into the cushions, blocking out all light; the pressure and ache behind his eyes that’s been mounting for days is almost as bad as it had been when he’d been born. Reborn. 

Sensate birth is so confusing.

The weight of another member of his cluster dips the couch cushion near his feet.

“I would be this close to leaving if the call to visit wasn’t so strong,” Andy groans, and then the sound of someone hitting him; Missy, he’s sure.

“He is having our weird psychic niblings,” she scolds from where she sits beside Andy. “We need to be here and support him while he’s in the birthing bed, as moral support!”

“Not actual birth,” Emile groans into his couch cushion.

“Hey, Emi,” she continues, ignoring him, “you can’t tell if one of them is in Greece yet, can you? Try and aim for one in Heraklion, I never get to go to Crete and I want to go sightseeing!”

“Or Manila!” Linda calls. “But that’s more for my convenience than a vacation.”

“I’m pretty sure you can’t pick where you’ve got your psycellium-connection children, but if you do, aim for Brazil for me so I can meet one,” Nate says, with a hand still awkwardly on Emile’s back in an attempt to comfort him, and Emile is so grateful to him for being with him through the whole of this psychic labor he could cry.

Well. He’s pretty sure he’s already crying from the pain, but.

“Do they count as children?” Andy says, then, “well, I guess you don’t know how old they are yet, do you. It could be a super early activation, so you could end up with a bunch of kids. Or, wait, hey, how funny would it be if you ended up just plucking late activations from retirement homes?”

Emile reaches blindly for the nearest cushion to block his ears. He can tell through feeling that it’s the Mickey Mouse one, but even as he places it over his head the texture skitters under his fingers—a pen, a soft blanket, thick paper, a cold glass sweating with condensation, back to a cushion—and he goes about blocking out Linda and Missy’s chattering about hoping one of them is in their respective countries, so they can be the weird psychic aunties they’d always been meant to be.

Another voice that manages to actually startles him this time, and blurrily, barely comprehensible beyond the pain, he thinks that should probably be how he knows the birth is close: ever since they’d all gained some form of equilibrium, after their own birth nearly ten years ago now, he’s never, ever been startled by the appearance of one of his cluster, ever.

“Ditto on telling me if you end up getting a Canadian,” Brian says, and Emile manages to peek out from his cushion to see Brian crouched on the floor in front of him, beside Nate, smiling at him as if nothing’s wrong, even though he can feel Brian’s nerves roiling alongside his own. “B'ezras Hashem, they won’t end up with only Missy as an auntie, eh?”

He lets out a laugh that sounds more like a sob and he has to squeeze his eyes shut against the pain, then, the pressure behind his eyes unbearable, like all the water of a dam pressing unerringly against the littlest crack, waiting for it to burst.

“Where the hell are you, Remy,” he can hear Toby snarl—when did Toby get here?—and Nate’s hand rubs soothingly up and down his back, shushing Toby.

“Of all the days to take a blocker off-schedule,” Andy tsks. “You should all listen to me, we knew that could be a worst-case scenario—”

“Not his fault,” Emile chokes out—if this could be equitable to normal, human baby birth, Emile might think that the stress of Remy catching sight of someone entering his café and immediately blocking them all out before anyone else could notice might have been what triggered this labor to come on so sudden and so strong.

“No, ‘course not,” Linda says in a soft, soothing voice, nearly drowned out by the sound of fabric smacking against skin; he’s pretty sure that Missy’s hit Andy upside the head with one of his couch cushions, and that’s confirmed when he hears Missy hiss “that is his boyfriend what is wrong with you for bringing that up right now” “well he did!” “oh my God, Emile is literally giving birth right now, this is not the time—”

A particularly strong surge of pressure and Emile clenches his teeth against a scream of pain—sunlight in his eyes flowers in his nose rocks scraping his hands—and his bickering cluster falls immediately silent, and still, and scared, a moment of silence before their thoughts come rushing in—what if this goes why didn’t harley tell us it could be like where is he it’s his damn boyfriend need to help them is he going how is this going to work harley where are you

“It’s okay it’s okay it’s okay,” Nate chants, rubbing a hand up down his back, and Emile actually sobs, this time, because it hurts, it hurts so much, he feels like his brain is exploding.

There are so many flickers of sensation, all the time, flickering from his own couch to the floor of Nate’s office to Linda’s kitchen table to a fancy apartment to Andy’s balcony to a dark silent bed to a grassy field to sprinting along the sidewalk past a patisserie to ears popping on an airplane on wait go back go back that was Remy Remy—

But it’s snatched away on a brisk wind on a blast of air conditioning on a cocoon of warmth under blankets on on on on on

it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay, his cluster says as one, it’s okay it’s okayit’sokayit’sokay—

Nate squeezes his shoulder, and Emile sucks in a desperate breath of air, distantly aware of his own body, the fact he’s writing on his back, now, the heels of his hands digging into his eyes, his throat aching like he’s been screaming, Nate’s hand on his shoulder Missy’s fingers twining with his Linda touching his wrist Andy holding his ankle Brian’s hand on his knee. And he feels anchored.

And then Remy bursts into the apartment, and Emile bawls at the sight of him, the force of it making all of the cluster reach for Remy as one.

“I’m here, I’m here,” Remy pants, skidding to a stop at his couch, “fuck, I’m so sorry, baby—”

“Hurts,” is all Emile can say, and suddenly his body and the entire cluster has shifted—Remy lying behind him, his arms wrapped around Emile’s chest to keep him upright, his cluster touching his arms, his legs, his chest.

“I’m here,” Remy whispers, carding back Emile’s sweaty hair. “I’m right here, babe, I’m so sorry, I’m here now. I’m here.”

“It hurts,” Emile whimpers. “Rem, it hurts so much.”

“I know, I know, I can feel it,” Remy whispers into his ear, rocking him back and forth. “Em, you’re so close, baby, you’re almost done, you’re amazing.”

Emile, blindly, reaches out to clutch his hand and Remy is always, always there to take it, letting Emile crush his hand.

There’s a pull, now. He can feel it, a full-body pull, and—

“You got this,” Remy whispers. “Emile, honey, you’ve got this. We’re right here with you.”

You’re right here with me, Emile thinks, dizzy with the relief of it, finally, all of them, EmileRemyLinnyBrianTobyNateMissyAndy, you’re right here with me, and he lets himself be pulled.

And his brain expands.

“Remy, I see them,” he whispers. “I see them…”

The lights are off here, the only lighting from the moon, illuminated the massive apartment furnished in sleek black lines and bright golds, a man tossing and turning, facing Emile.

The man glances at him, rolls away, pauses, then rolls back abruptly; in the low light, Emile can see the scar slashed across his cheek, bisecting a birthmark. 

“Oh,” Emile whispers, his throat clogged suddenly at the sight of this man—he already knows that his name is Janus, and he is brilliant and cut-throat and lonely and dangerous and Emile loves him already. “Oh, they’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, my dear. My darling.”

Emile reaches for him, and Janus opens his mouth, brow furrowed, about to ask, but Emile is pulled away before he can.

He is suddenly drenched with sweat under hot lights, a conglomeration of cameras in the distance, and he squints to where the boom microphones are held directly aloft—this is Roman, who has his head tilted toward a man in a baseball cap, deep in conversation. Emile glances back over his shoulder and sees a city skyline—old, and beautiful, and familiar because Emile’s been here. Or one of his cluster had been, anyway.

For all that Roman looks so involved in the conversation, Emile can feel the exhaustion of a long day’s shoot, the weight on his shoulders, the constant itch to reach for his phone, to scan the news. Roman’s brow furrows and he looks up, directly meeting Emile’s eyes.

“Are you lost?” Roman says uncertainly, and Emile smiles at him.

“No,” he says. “I was looking for you.”

“Who are you talking to?” The man in the cap asks, and Emile is pulled away.

He’s on a plane and his ears are refusing to pop. Emile grimaces in sympathy, even as he’s glancing over to the man sitting beside him on the plane. Well, slumped, to be more accurate, trying to get some sleep and failing miserably. Emile’s eyes ache with commiseration.

“Sorry,” Emile says sympathetically, remembering his own sleepless days after rebirth.

The man squints out at him, tugging off his purple headphones. “‘Scuse me?” He says, his voice accented—African?

“You’re probably not going to be able to sleep for a few days. Or, um. Not sleep well, I should say.”

“...I’ve had jet lag before,” Virgil says, and yes, he has, hasn’t he?

“Congratulations,” Emile says hastily, already feeling the pull. “A doctorate’s a very big achievement, you should be proud of yourself.”

Virgil’s eyes go wide, and he shrinks back a little in his seat.

“How did you—?”

And Emile is not trapped in a plane anymore, but he almost wishes he was.

“Jiminy crickets, it’s cold,” Emile says aloud, wrapping his arms around himself, because jeez louise it is cold!

Logan freezes from where he is examining a telescope to ensure it’s in working order. 

“The supply ship isn’t due until next week,” he says. His voice is very even and measured. “That is the only opportunity for strangers to get onto the island.”

“Supply…” Emile repeats, before he learns—remembers? “Oh. My goodness, you’re researching in Antarctica?!”

He is! He is researching in Antarctica! He’s a space researcher who is so good at what he does he got to go to Antarctica to study even more in-depth! Gosh, Emile has birthed a smart cluster, there are at least two doctors here! 

“...Am I hallucinating?” Logan asks himself very quietly.

“No!” Emile says hastily. “No no no no, goodness, no!”

Logan’s eyes narrow. “That is… precisely what one would think an induced hallucination would say.”

Emile’s about to explain, but he’s pulled before he can; he has a feeling that Logan’s going to need the most in-depth scientific explanation the Archipelago has accrued over the years.

And he is in a brightly decorated room, with soft toys and lots of colors and the letters of the alphabet winding around the room; a big, tall man is kneeling on the ground, carefully easing a backpack onto a child who couldn’t be more than five.

“All right, Livvy-Lou, we got it all figured out now, don’t we?” the man says brightly—his name is Patton, and he is soft and loving and beautiful and so very sad. 

A grin bursts out on the child’s face. “Thank you, Mr. T!”

Patton smiles, flicking one of her braided pigtails into place so that it doesn’t get tugged by her backpack straps, and gently nudges her along her way before he glances up.

“Hello!” Patton says to Emile brightly. “Are you a—?”

And then he falters.

“...you’re not a parent,” Patton says slowly. “Are you?”

“Well,” Emile says. “I suppose it depends on how you define ‘parent,’ and also, whose parent you think I am.”

Patton’s eyes crinkle with a smile. “What an odd way to answer that question.”

“You’re about to have a lot of odd days ahead of you,” Emile says, “I mean, a lot,” and—

A man sitting hunched under a tree is cussing to himself, even as he eats food he’s gotten from the trash, and his eyes widen at the sight of Emile, already rising to a half-crouch, ready to run.

“Oh,” Emile says. “Oh, goodness. You’ve gotten yourself into quite a situation, haven’t you?”

Remus snarls at him wordlessly. 

Emile frowns a little, his heart aching with terrible concern, not all of it his own. “Is that all you have to eat?”

“Fuck off,” Remus spits, and—

Emile gasps, back in Remy’s arms, back in his apartment, his cluster all staring at him, wide-eyed.

“So?” Missy urges. “Greeks? Tell me you got a Greek.”

He looks at her, and he thinks of the cluster he has just brought into the world, and he feels such a surge of overwhelming joy that he can do nothing but laugh.

His cluster laughs with him, and Remy lets out a huffing breath, hugging him close and kissing his temple, and Emile sighs, closing his eyes, exhausted but still smiling, smiling, smiling.

In London, in Mexico City, in the air between Baltimore and Pretoria, in Antarctica, in Monterrey—

He hopes they all hear it.

Welcome to being sensate, my loves.

[izukult]

Okok awesome! 🖤🖤 I do have a wide variety in my music taste but artists most in my rotation are definitely Tyler the creator, Doja cat (streets?? Pls on rpt 🤤) and Arctic Monkeys, (pls don’t feel restrained by these artists tho !) very much chill vibes and driving late at night if that makes sense asjfkdkka. Personality wise I’m pretty awkward and fairly antisocial, very much ->🧍🏻‍♀️🧍🏻‍♀️😨 but once you get to know me I’m pretty loud and a little much tbh 🤭 like my laugh is genuinely TOO loud lmaooo, and I would very much appreciate it with Kageyama if that’s not too much to ask 😳👉🏼👈🏼 thank you again 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

hello my love. if i hadn’t known you, i wouldn’t have done this any kind of justice. BUT STRAP YOUR ASS IN WIFEY YOU KNOW WHAT IT BE. @chubbybunny111

you and kageyama.

oh god you and kageyama would scare the fuck out of me as a couple. have you seen those memes like boy who doesn’t talk all too much 💖 girl who loud asf? you two. LMAOOO.

definitely you two make fun of each other. on the daily. but, he also grumbles little compliments to u all nervous like. i feel like he would very much like your hair?? like,, it’s so curly,, it’s so pretty,,,, do a fella a favor and let him play with it, yeah?

i’m just imaging you in your straight clothes from high school and him in a disgusting unwashed sweaty ass volleyball uniform😻😻 IM SORRY OK ANYWAY

you two share earbuds all the time. just sittin next to each other in moderate silence with tunes playing.

he is so bad at texting LMAOOO. you’d send an ironic emoji and he’s done for? he just stares at it. blankly. void of any emotion other than confusion.

“i’m sorry did you just send ‘🤕’ after telling me you love me?”

“hey, you’re crying. why are you using 😋 right now?”

i’m sorry for making fun of him but also i’m NOT THATS SO FUNNY.

now, don’t take what i said earlier wrong, he’s not just like oh yes quiet around you (that’s not his personality people need to be better🙄), but when you two are in public he’s not like really affectionate? unless he’s jealous because he is (infact) an insecure bitch, but whenever that happens it feels forced and awkward figure that out kags.

we see the way he acts with hinata like? if he’s comfortable with you he’s going to be loud as fuck there’s no denying it. yall get told to shut up like on the daily?

shares his milk with you😁 not his food tho

LMAOFJAOFJS IM SORRY BUT HAVE YOU SEEN THAT MANS RELATIONSHIP WITH EATING? you ain’t getting between that babe

anyway here’s a fucking playlist for your hot ass i am literally in love with you. i really like this playlist tbh :)

1. sometimes (backwood); gigi- starting off with my favorite song at the moment. this isn’t really completely a deep meaning with the lyrics thing, because this song is pretty sad? i think it’s so vibey. it’s so good. it’s just a gentle, quiet night with the windows open and a full moon. however, like i said he’s insecure and has overthought while listening to this song.

2. breezeblocks; alt-J- mostly just a banger, indeed. you’re driving (i would not trust him behind the wheel? ever?), the lights are super pretty, he’s looking at you from the passenger seat ‘discretely’. he doesn’t want you to go, so those lyrics are accurate, but he’s also not a murderer dw😁 he couldnt

3. i wanna be yours; arctic monkeys- PHEW. OKAY. OKAY JESUS CHRSIT. no because you don’t understand yall are in LOVE? like in LOVE. he probably kisses you for the first time while this shit playing. he also, by default, blushes EVERY TIME THIS SONG COMES ON. such a lil bitch baby🙄

4. sucker; jonas brothers- stop before you say anything this song is unironically so good. i? could imagine you like? terribly dancing to this i dunno. i feel like if you got tobio in the right mood he would jam to some music w you‼️

5. EARFQUAKE; tyler, the creator- i think kageyama was like the kind of guy who mentally was constantly like “i want a gIRLFRIEND FUCK🤬🤬🤬”, but lile also once it happens? svary as fuck. have we not talked about how he does not really like himself much (thinking ab him practicing his smile rn poor baby). so yea, bad self confidence & in love with you. this song. PLUS, it’s a banger.

6. streets; doja cat- you at him lmao. do i have to say anything else?

7. ivy; frank ocean- he would put this song on a playlist for you and then not tell you about the song or the playlist and still get nervous about how youd react lmaooo. however, yknow in movies when like the guy looks at the girl and the music swells? that but with an emo volleyball player and frank ocean

8. redbone; childish gambino- very chill vibes and driving late at night energy. this song plays while yall lay on like ur couch or smth and you’re messing with the ends of his hair and he’s playing videos on his phone with one hand and like kind of awkwardly nervously trying to hold ur hand with the other and he just does the pinky thing thAT WE WERE TALKIN BOUT LMAOO

9. cocoa butter kisses; chance the rapper- i feel like if you were to smoke, this is the song you’d get high to. i don’t have much reason other than that? i can just see this playing in the background as you two exist together

10. my kind of woman; mac demarco- man, you’re really driving him mad🙄 BUT‼️ I THINK? ITS ALRIGHT WITH HIM😳. he’s absolutely whipped and he didn’t even know he had the ABILITY. i feel like you like to prove people wrong, so here’s another instance.

11. casual; doja cat- i know everyone hates getting played, but you feel like you would take a LOTTA precautions to avoid that, including the whole walls up deal. you’re super upfront about it? you’re not like secretly testing the waters, you’re like ‘if ur fucking w me gtfo of my face lol’ but clearly you wouldn’t talk to kags like that (however he’d hurriedly say he’s not a little too loud)

12. afraid; the neighbourhood- ABSOLUTE TOBIO ENERGY (also oikawa energy, i think its so cute that we are married and the mfs we choose to love r rivals). but anywho, absolute MAD tobio energy. yes he also takes out his insecurities with anger don’t actually like he’s not gonna have to work on that lmao

13. sex on fire; kings of leon- arguably one of the best songs to ever exist. he would be like ?!😳 the first time he heard it and youd probably like flick him LMAOFJAODJ this is just a good jam song for you two. he would definitely sing this song with you, don’t care don’t care

14. scary love; the neighbourhood- i’m beginning to think the neighbourhood just has kageyama energy? remind me to look into that later. either way, i’m putting extreme emphasis on this song. this song is completely how he feels. this song is IT. he watches in anticipation as he “shows you it cos it’s a good song”. please just be nice to him (while also bullying him😁)

15. when you were young; the killers- you’ve made out to this song i’m so sorry. MAYBE THATS JUST BECAUSE I THINK THIS WOULD BE THE PERFECTTTTJRJEJTI SONG. god. good fucking music. equal mix of good song and the lyrics hitting

[gaylorlyrics]

Folklore Songs - what are they about??

This is a developing thread, but I’ve been listening all day so I’m taking a stab at it.

1."The 1"  

Common consensus is that this is about Dianna Agron and what they could have been. Telling lyrics are the general idea that the relationship wasn’t truly given a chance (”it would've been sweet, If it could've been me”) and “Roaring Twenties”, referring to the below circus themed party pics with Diana dressed like a flapper

tbh im not totally sold on this - most because it seems more recent with lyrics like, “In my defense, I have none for never leaving well enough alone” sounds like a reference to ME! and “Roaring twenties” sounds like a reference to something that happened this year (2020). Also “throwing pennies in the pool” could be a reference to throwing Penni (Karlie’s agent) in the pool. Finally, Route 1 is the road along California’s coast, where Tay & Karlie drove on their legendary road trip...this makes my lil Kaylor heart worry. 

2. Cardigan

This is the first installment in the Teenage Trio, which also includes August and Betty, and is told from the perspective of Betty. It’s about feeling so loved by someone but then being betrayed by them (”Chase two girls [Betty + August’s narrator] lose one”). The line ”And you'd be standin' in my front porch light” foreshadows to James professing love in “Betty”. Potentially Taylor is Betty - but I’m still thinking about that theory.

3."The Last Great American Dynasty"  

We <3 a Rhode Island throwback. Here Taylor tells the story of her house in Rhode Island that Rebekah “Betty” (??!?!??!! more on that later) Harkness used to live in. Rebekah married an heir to Standard Oil which made her one of the wealthiest women in the USA at the time. She was also known for making a scene (”She had a marvelous time ruining everything”). Additionally, she founded the Harkness Ballet (”And blew through the money on the boys and the ballet”). After Rebekah’s death Taylor purchased the house and it is now best known as the place of many epic 4th of July parties.

4. Exile

Such a sad song! This is a duet between Taylor and Bon Iver, telling the story of a failed relationship that they have tried to mend many many times. Interestingly, this is also about a love triangle (like the teenage trio) -  "I can see you starin' honey/Like he's just your understudy." This line specifically feels like it could be about bearding, and seeing someone else with the person you love, but feeling like - or knowing - it’s fake. “You were my town Now I'm in exile seein' you out” references and end to the relationship Taylor discussed in False God “Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town I'm New York City”. To me this indicates that it is about Karlie and them breaking up or going through a rough patch - continually trying to fix things - and eventually being unsure that it could ever be repaired.

5."My Tears Ricochet"

This is pretty clearly about Scott & Scooter - “And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed” and “You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same” seem to be a reference to them trying to exploit her work and how her leaving Big Machine really ruined the business - plus there’s some LWYMMD imagery. “You wear the same jewels that I gave you as you bury me” also seems to be a clear reference for trying to use Taylor’s own work against her, taking the profits, and pushing her out of the deal. As if we needed more evidence “You hear my stolen lullabies” clearly references her stolen masters.

6."Mirrorball"  

Big 80s prom vibes from this song. Mirrorball is about being famous and all of her work - her most personal thoughts and dreams - just becoming different ways for other people to see themselves once she releases her music into the world. Part of being an artist is knowing that your work will reflect more of who the viewer is than who you are yourself. Here she uses the metaphor of a disco ball to explore that idea, and worries that she is losing her own identity through it “I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me”. She also alludes to her fears that she will age out of relevancy “I know they said the end is near”, something she discussed in her documentary Miss Americana. Obviously this is internalized misogyny because we love Taylor and will listen to her music always and do not subscribe to the belief that women need to be young to be relevant because if they were a man then they'd be the man, and tay’s the man <3 

7. “Seven”

Personally, this is one of my favorite songs on the album. It’s so sweet and pure and lovely. This is about young love, with imagery of summer, toys, and child’s dreams to runaway together. Many people have speculated that it is about the same girl that the two unreleased Taylor songs “Sweet Tea and Gods Graces” and “Me & Britney” are about. 

[Side note: initially I wondered if Me & Britney was about Britany Maack, Taylor’s long time friend who recently got married, but the names are spelled differently. Also the line in Seven “I can’t recall your face” indicates that this is about someone who Taylor is not currently in touch with.] 

Both M&B and STAAG seem to be about the Seven relationship because there are general parallels with outdoor scenery, childlike wonder, and ( in the case of STAGG) sweet tea. Also all three songs indicate a gay relationship: STAGG - “And you can love like a sinner and lose like a winner”, M&B - “That boy she went ran off with, well, I thought he was crazy. Maybe I was just jealous that he'd come between me and Britney”, and Seven - “You won't have to cry or hide in the closet And just like a folk song our love will be passed on”.

8. “August”

This is the second installment in the Teenage Trio, told from the perspective of the “other woman” who James meets while on summer vacation. The other woman (she doesn’t seem to have a name...unless it is August...which it could be? idk) is in love, but realizes that James isn’t in love with her - “Will you call when you're back at school? I remember thinkin' I had you”. The line “Remember when I pulled up and said "Get in the car" references the same incident which is retold in Betty, but this time with James telling Betty it was just a summer fling that didn’t mean anything.

9. This Is Me Trying

Here we have a break up song, about Taylor trying to win her lover back and feeling completely lost without them, unable to concentrate or be around people, and turning to self sabotage. It’s about the general loneliness that one feels when they’ve lost someone they truly love, and the miscommunication that can happen in a relationship when you’re not understanding each other or receiving love in the same way (hence the song’s title). I think this could be about Karlie, it seems clear that their relationship has not been smooth and that they have had many on-and-off times. It could also be serving a purpose of building the Joe break up narrative, but only time will tell for that.

10. “Illicit Affairs”

Taylor loves her secret love - this song reads like a sad version of “I Know Places”. It seems clear that this is about Karlie Kloss. “Tell your friends you're out for a run” is one of my favorite lines because Karlie started Klossy run club, where you commit to running a certain distance in a month - and she posts about it on instagram CONSTANTLY. But overall, the song details a relationship of a woman being with someone she doesn’t love (kushnerd) and sneaking around to meet up with the person she does love (tay!). The line “Tell yourself you can always stop” is so sad to me, the idea that Karlie got into this and keeps telling herself that it will only be a little longer and she can leave when she wants, but staying in her fake marriage anyway.

11. Invisible String

This is pretty much the only pure love song on the album - about feeling connected to someone throughout your whole life, knowing that that somebody is out there, and then finally finding them. Taylor talks about being in Centennial Park in Nashville as a teen, and then eventually showing her lover around. The song is really self referential, with lots of easter eggs for her past work, including Bad Blood and Delicate. She also references Joe Jonas with the line “Cold was the steel of my axe to grind For the boys who broke my heart Now I send their babies presents”.

Some people have pointed out that there is a similar idea presented in Jane Eyre - when the protagonist says to her love interest “I have a strange feeling with regard to you. As if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly knotted to a similar string in you."

12."Mad Woman"  

Another Scooter one - “It's obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together”. “The master of spin” is word play referencing the masters records scandal. “Watching you climb over people like me” points out that agents and labels are making money off the performers they find and pushing them around. There’s also a reference to Scooter’s wife Yael and how he cheats all the time, but she doesn’t do anything likely because of her own internalized misogyny - “has a couple side flings. Good wives always know. She should be mad, should be scathing like me”.

13. “Epiphany”

The first verse of this touching ballad is about Taylor’s grandfather in WW2, storming the beaches at Normandy - “Crawling up the beaches now "Sir, I think he's bleeding out"”. The second verse is about a nurse helping patients with Covid-19 - “Holds your hand through plastic now "Doc, I think she's crashing out"”. The bridge here talks about wishing there was some great epiphany, some magical solution for the suffering in the world. The chorus refers to experiencing trauma with others and staying loyal even in the hardest times, even if it means literally dying. Although this seems like a departure from the themes of rest of the album, the whole album examines loyalty and considering what you would do for the people you love - so I really don’t think it’s a departure at all.

14. “Betty”

Obviously this is the gayest song on the album and an early fan favorite. It is the final song in the teenage trio, told from the point of view of James, going to win Betty back after betraying her and sleeping with someone else (August!?) over the summer. The line "Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends?”, a line that is very clearly about wanting to kiss a woman, is especially striking (& gay!) when sung by Taylor. The clearest version of this plot is someone begging for forgiveness after betraying the person they love.

There is also a bit of a nod to a line in “Picture to Burn”, a break up song off Taylor’s first album. In PTB Taylor says “So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy that's fine, I’ll tell mine you’re gay”. This lyric has since been changed in versions available online, but on the original album that's what it was. This is interesting because she’s calling attention to knowing that someone is gay and hasn’t told their friends...which you would definitely know if you had dated them.

The names “James” and “Inez” are both mentioned in the song, which are the names of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynold’s daughters. James was already featured on a Taylor Swift album, as the lil baby voice at the beginning of “Gorgeous”. Worth noting that “James” is traditional a male name, but that this character is named after a female.

ALSO I have this theory I’m working on that Taylor is Betty and this whole album is in the same world with the same people, but WILL POST MORE ON THIS LATER.

15."Peace"  

Ok - this is Archer 2.0 for me, about how she is worried about how no one will ever love her or stay with her because its too much work - “the rain is always gonna come if you're standin' with me” and “No, I could never give you peace” are pretty telling lines about her concerns that people will think it is not worth it to be friends with or in a relationship with her due to all of the baggage that comes with it. 

The opening lines - “Our coming-of-age has come and gone Suddenly this summer, it's clear” feed into my emerging theory that all of these songs exist in the same universe and are about the same three characters...but I’m still figuring that one out. The line “And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences Sit with you in the trenches” reference Seven and Epiphany, respectively - further supporting that all of these songs are in the same world.

16. “Hoax”

Out of all of the songs that make my little Kaylor heart ache - this is the most heartbreaking. Specifically the line “My eclipsed sun” refers to Karlie, who Taylor has called “sunshine” on multiple occasions, and her light being covered up by her contract with Kushnerd and Scooter. The line “Don't want no other shade of blue But you” makes it clear that this song is in reference to the muse for the album “Lover” - aka Karlie. 

However, this is a song about betrayal and completely trusting someone, only to find that they stabbed you in the back, as is clear by the line ”Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in”.

Additionally, the line“You knew it still hurts underneath my scars” seems to again feed into the idea that all of the songs on the album involve the same characters. This one is a bit more clear, it seems that - if this theory is correct - Betty is the narrator of this song, as she referenced her scars before “Drew stars around my scars” in Cardigan.

OK- I'm going to go deep into song by song later, but I just wanted to get something out there!!! Also def interested in hearing what everyone else thinks!

EDIT: I just found some lyrics from The Lakes in an article from Billboard. I wanted to add them in even though we don’t have the full song because I felt like we really ended on a sad note with hoax and then when I saw these I was like there is hope!!

SO the lyric Billboard included in their review was “A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground / With no one around to tweet it” which is a continuation from the line from “Hoax” - “ This has frozen my ground”. What I’m taking from this is that in the final song Taylor finds hope <3

[elisabethsdoppler]

Can I ask you for a little jonas and mikkel relation father / son headcanons like you did for magnus and katharina ? Does mikkel was aware as a father too, that jonas /martha had a crush on martha / jonas ? (I love your writting so much ♡ it makes me want to draw more...)

jonas & mikkel headcanons

a/n: adult mikkel is referred to as michael in this! it got really confusing once mikkel was born

thank you so much! i hope u like it <3

also this is basically just mikkel having déjà vu and jonas being an adorable child who is obsessed with cats

so michael doesn’t really remember much about before he was adopted

because of the drugs

fuck you ines

anyways!

but he has hazy memories of a blonde boy in a yellow raincoat who was nice to him

when hannah was pregnant she asked him what he wanted to name the baby

in his mind, the name katharina was all that came up

which he thought was weird

because katharina nielsen didn’t like them very much

and he definitely wouldn’t be able to explain that she was his mom

hannah was wearing a yellow dress, and when she moved to clear the plates mikkel mistook her for the blonde boy

it felt as though this had already happened

“i think jonas is a beautiful name,” michael said

hannah nodded, turning her head to smile at him

“i like it too,”

when jonas was born, michael and hannah were both really stressed out

he was premature

and both of them were terrified of messing up

when michael looked into jonas’s wide blue eyes

he knew that being a father was what he was meant to be

michael really didn’t like the hospital

it made him uncomfortable

but he stayed for a few nights because hannah was scared

she barely slept, she just watched jonas to make sure he was breathing and safe

when the doctors finally let them go home they were both even more stressed out

jonas was an almost scarily quiet baby

he barely cried

the first night back in the house, michael made hannah go rest

she hadn’t slept in almost 72 hours

so mikkel stayed up with baby jonas

whenever jonas would cry, he would get up to rock him back to sleep

a few months later, katharina and ulrich had their second child

as soon as hannah told him her name was martha, he almost dropped jonas

when jonas was starting preschool

he and hannah took him shopping for a raincoat

jonas picked a yellow one

which made michael almost faint

he wasn’t sure why

but on the way home, jonas held both his and hannah’s hands and jumped in the puddles

and michael felt like the image of a boy in a yellow raincoat in the rain felt familiar

but hannah noticed he was zoning out so she kissed his cheek

and so he forgot about the déjà vu

baby jonas was obsessed with cats

and baby bartosz was really nice AND had a very old and cranky cat named marigold

aka jonas’s favourite kind of cat

when jonas made friends with bartosz in kindergarten, that also meant he was friends with magnus and martha

it felt wrong to see jonas making googly eyes at martha

michael felt weird with both magnus and martha around

but this just felt straight up disturbing

he couldn’t tell anyone that martha and jonas were related because no one would believe him

jonas was a very empathetic child

he could tell if something was off or someone was sad

and he could tell his dad was sad when magnus and martha came over

so most of the time he went to their house

when marigold died, jonas cried a lot

aleksander and regina has her cremated

and michael had a cat funeral with jonas and bartosz in the backyard

they both cried and hugged each other

michael thought that even though the cat was gone

they still had each other

michael tried to avoid going to the nielsens

the older they all got, the more familiar they looked

but when mikkel was born, hannah offered to watch martha and magnus

and she made michael come with her to drop off all the kids

martha and jonas held hands in the backseat

“aren’t they a little too young for that?” michael asked, scrunching up his face in discomfort

he knew it wasn’t the age, but something was wrong

he knew he was ulrich and katharinas son

but he didn’t really remember his siblings in great deatail

hannah just laughed

she assumed he was just being overprotective of his baby

magnus was very awkwardly sitting next to martha and jonas

anyways, when they got there, ulrich let magnus and martha say hello to their new baby brother

and then he asked if hannah and michael could watch mikkel while he checked on katharina, who had immediately fallen asleep after giving birth

hannah had to go to the bathroom

so it was just him and this little baby who looked a lot like his baby jonas had looked

michael felt lightheaded

he was meeting himself

thankfully, a few minutes later ulrich returned and took mikkel back from his arms

jonas was distracted during all of this

because he had spotted a street cat through the window

he loved cats

on the way back home, jonas pleaded for a cat

but hannah said no, and their collective parenting style was too at least try to agree

michael felt weird

it was like time was running out

he couldn’t sleep

but he heard a crash from downstairs and went to check if there was an intruder

it was just jonas

he had dropped a glass bottle of milk

“i was thirsty,” he mumbled, looking down at his socks, “i’m sorry,”

“no don’t apologize!” michael said quickly, “next time, just wake me up and i’ll pour you a glass.”

after michael had cleaned up the mess he poured jonas a glass of water and brought him back upstairs

“why were you up?” michael spoke softly, “it’s late.”

“i had a nightmare,” jonas whispered

“it was that you left me and mama and i was all alone.”

“that’s never going to happen, sweet boy,” michael combed jonas’s soft blond hair back from his forehead. “i would never leave you or mama.”

“can you stay with me until i fall asleep?” jonas asked

that felt weirdly familiar, but michael brushed off the feeling

the most important thing was too be here with his son

everything else didn’t matter in comparison

[kissjane]

JUST A HOOKUP / Short fic

#17 from this prompt list

Which one of you anons wanted David pinning Matteo to the wall?

“I think I’m in love with you.”

It’s been like this forever. They go out together, and after a few beers, David disappears amongst the masses on the dance floor, while Matteo hides away in the darkest corner of the room, trying to watch David without being creepy. It lasts until somebody inevitably approaches David, and David smiles widely at whoever it is, his eyes sparkly. They then dance together for a while – a few minutes, an hour – it doesn’t matter, because Matteo knows the end game. Week after week David leaves the dance floor with somebody pretty and confident and experienced – exactly like Matteo isn’t – and comes back with his hair mussed, his clothes disarranged, his eyes flushed and his lips swollen and red. And then they go home, and David will ask Matteo if he had a good time, and Matteo will say yes, and David will ask him if he will dance with David next week, and Matteo will shrug, and ask David if he had fun, and David will wink. And when they reach the flat share – David always walks Matteo home, never the other way around – they will bump fists and with a cheery wave and a “Good night” David will be off, leaving Matteo to suffer in silence. Matteo will lay awake for hours thinking about what David did this time in the bathroom, or against the wall, or in the broom closet, or wherever he took this week’s hook up.

Matteo is well used to the pattern by now, and he has also learned to ignore Jonas, who will at some point bring him a beer, and lean against the wall next to him, and sigh deeply.

“I know I say this every fucking time, bro, but just tell him already. Or stay home next time. You don’t enjoy parties, and even you are not masochistic enough to torture yourself like this every fucking week.”

Matteo accepts the beer with a small nod, but otherwise ignores Jonas. He delivers some variation to this general spiel every week, anyway. He should know by now Matteo won’t listen.

But apparently, Jonas has had enough of their ritual, because suddenly Abdi and Carlos show up, and the three of them force Matteo to move. They push and pull, and he is no match against the three of them, so he lets them maneuver him to the dancefloor, right next to David. He can absolutely refuse to play along, though, so when they urge him in low voices to dance, he just stands there, not moving, rooted to the ground.

But David has other ideas, it seems.

“Matteo!”, he exclaims giddily. “Finally you have come to dance with me!”

And he grabs Matteo by the waist and pulls him against his body, undulating in cadence with the heavy beat that pulsates through the club.

Matteo knows he needs to get away from this, before his body gets ideas about being this close to David, but David is strong, and he doesn’t let go. All Matteo can do is will himself to remain calm, to not react to the way David is pushing his hips against Matteo’s, or the way he tangles his hand in Matteo’s hair.

He desperately tries to signal Jonas to save him before he embarrasses himself, but the traitor just shrugs, and ignores Matteo’s pleading eyes.

So he keeps reciting irregular Spanish verbs in his head, to keep his attention away from the way David has turned Matteo around in his arms, and is now full-on grinding against Matteo’s ass, his hands low on Matteo’s hipbones. If Jonas thought watching David from the corner was torture, he doesn’t know how to describe this. This is so much worse. The only remotely positive part about this is that nobody else comes up to David, and David doesn’t vanish with a stranger.

Matteo loses track of time, trying not to concentrate on David’s body, his fingers on Matteo’s skin, his breath in his ear as he whispers something Matteo doesn’t quite understand.

“What?”, he stupidly says, turning his head slightly, and then regretting it when he realizes how close David’s face is, how dark his eyes.

David stares for a long heartbeat at Matteo, and then tugs at his hand. His lips form some words, and Matteo thinks David is asking him to come along, so he does. He will do whatever David wants. There’s nothing new there.

And then, before Matteo’s brain has had time to catch up, David has pushed him against the wall, and has pressed his full length against Matteo, and is kissing him with abandon.

Matteo’s rational thoughts short-circuit, and he kisses back, immediately hot and bothered, opening his mouth for David, and spreading his legs when David moves one knee in between them, and pushes against Matteo firmly. Matteo cannot keep himself from reacting any longer, and he feels himself harden. He knows David must be able to feel it, but David doesn’t recoil in disgust, but instead presses even closer, as if he wants to crawl inside Matteo.

Matteo has no idea how long they are kissing, but when David pulls back and groans Matteo’s name, suddenly his brain starts functioning again.

David looks exactly like all those times he came back from some make-out session – and Matteo’s heart breaks. With a surge of strength he didn’t know he possessed, he pushes David away, and when David, surprised by Matteo’s actions, stumbles backwards, Matteo bolts.

He runs as quickly as he can, knowing David is faster, but hoping David will just go back to the dancefloor.

But his hope is proven idle, when he hears David call out his name, and his footsteps approaching.

Panting, breathless, both from the sprint and from the kiss, Matteo stops and waits for David to catch up.

“What was that about?”, David demands, not out of breath at all. “Why did you take off like that?”

Matteo doesn’t know how to feel. He is embarrassed about his reaction to David, and suddenly he feels nothing but anger – at David, for kissing him like that, at Jonas, for putting Matteo in this situation, and mostly at himself, for being in love with his friend, who he knows is out of reach.

So in his anguish, he lashes out.

“Why wouldn’t I? You got your heavy petting for the week. We always leave after you got some, so why would this week be any different?”

And David’s eyes narrow at Matteo’s cynical words, and his face hardens. Slowly, but deliberately, he steps closer towards Matteo, and Matteo helplessly retreats, until he feels a wall in his back, and David closes him in with two arms next to his shoulders.

“Who says I was done with this week’s heavy petting?”, he sneers, emphasizing the words, and he presses his lips to Matteo’s again, hard and bruising. And Matteo, at first, reacts – opens his mouth, pushes his hips towards David, arches his back to rest his head against the wall – but then it all becomes too much and with a sob, he pushes against David’s chest.

“Stop,” he cries, “stop, stop, David, stop, please…”

David, who at first moved his lips towards Matteo’s neck to suck at the tender skin there, suddenly stops, and his whole demeanor changes. His face turns worried, his hands cradle Matteo’s face with care, and his voice is soft when he speaks.

“Sorry… sorry, Matteo… I shouldn’t have… But I just wanted you so badly…”

Matteo is crying now, tears and snot running over his face, and David pulls him into a hug, and at first, Matteo wants to step back, but then he gives in to the familiar comfort, and leans his head on David’s shoulder. They stay like that for what feels like an eternity, and when the sobs stop racking through Matteo’s body, David speaks again.

“I am so, so sorry, Matteo… Please, forgive me… I won’t ever try anything like that again. I know it’s no excuse, but I just wanted to kiss you so much, and I thought you were into it too…”

“I was,” Matteo whispers, vulnerable, but deciding he needs to be honest. He might lose his friend, but after what happened just now, he doesn’t know if they can ever be the same unless he finally confesses.

“I was, David, but I – I don’t wanna be one of your dirty hookups…”

David blusters at Matteo’s words, ready to defend himself.

“There is nothing wrong with hooking up with people, Matteo!”, he retorts, sounding upset. “You’re – it’s like you’re implying I’m acting like some sort of monster. It’s not dirty. I don’t take advantage of them, or whatever you might think!”

Matteo shakes his head violently.

“No… No, that’s not it. It’s just that – Well, I don’t know about those others, but I – I don’t want that – I don’t want just some grinding against a wall…”

David immediately sounds remorseful again.

“Yeah, I realize that now. I should have asked permission first, Matteo, I’m sorry. I just… I thought…”

He seems at a loss for words, and Matteo holds on to this strange mix of vulnerability and courage coursing through him.

“I know. And you were right… I mean, I was into it, I guess… I just – I – It would kill me to do this with you now and then watch you do it with somebody else again next week. I hate watching you with other people.”

David remains very still, and Matteo fears he has ruined their friendship.

“Why – why?”, he finally asks, on a trembling breath.

“Because I – I think I am in love with you,” Matteo says, equally unsteady, his voice so low he is not sure David can hear him.

Neither of them moves, or speaks, and it seems like time stopped, until a car honks somewhere in the distance, and they both are shaken out of their turmoil thoughts.

“Do you know why I hook up with somebody else every time we go out?”, David suddenly says, his voice almost loud in the silent night.

Matteo shakes his head, unsure where this is going, wondering if David hasn’t heard his confession, or is just ignoring it.

“Because I didn’t think the person I really want to kiss wanted me.”

Matteo swallows, and tries to say something, but no sound comes out.

“But now… Now I think maybe he does.”

Matteo stares at David, and David stares back.

“Matteo… If I promise it’s not just a hookup, if I promise I will kiss you again next time, and the next, and every day in between… If I promise I will never even look at anybody else… Will you please let me kiss you again?”

Matteo cannot do anything but nod dumbly. But when David smiles, and steps closer, and backs Matteo against the wall for the third time, he feels his heart speed up and he closes his eyes. Maybe – just maybe, this is how it’ll be forever, from now on.

[belovedrival]

“It’s Jonas.”

It’s been almost six months but I did say I would talk about my experience, so here goes...

(It’s really long, I started this draft when Jonas was three months old)

I was told that I would be induced on March 10, a Wednesday. My due date was the 17th but baby had been measuring large for months so my doctor just wanted to go ahead with it. I agreed. We’d made it to 39 weeks and that was good. Plus, I felt huge and just...done with being pregnant. 

I worked (from home) on the 10th. It felt sort of surreal, knowing that we’d be at the hospital at 5 pm that evening, but I knew I needed to work to keep my mind off what was coming. For a while, at least. 

We’d started packing the hospital bags for weeks before. I’d left my suitcase open next to the bed and I’d throw things in there whenever I’d do laundry or think of something else I wanted to take. I sort of knew then that I was majorly overpacking (and in hindsight it’s laughable how much stuff I never wore/used) but at least we were prepared, right?

Yeah, about that...

Mister drove to the hospital. Since I was being induced, it wasn’t any frenetic, movie scene type, panicked dad experience. We just put our things in the car and drove there. On the way we talked about how strange it was, knowing that when we came home (God willing), there would be a baby in the car seat. Of course at that time we still didn’t know if our baby was a girl or boy.

(Mister told me later that he was almost certain baby was a boy. He said he’d heard too many nurses/medical personnel ‘slip’ while we were having ultrasounds and whatnot.)

People can choose to find out or not, but it puts a whole other dimension on the experience when you don’t know in advance. Just my two cents.

As we turned into the hospital parking lot, Mister told me to open the glove box. “There’s something for you in there,” he said. I opened it, trying to swallow the bowling ball that had lodged itself in my throat.

“Oh!” I said. “What I always wanted - an owner’s manual!”

When I’m nervous, I often joke.

There was a small white box next to the owner’s manual. In it was a necklace with an aquamarine pendant; one of the birthstones for March. Of course I cried.

We took an obligatory selfie before going inside the hospital. After getting checked in, we went to our room. I remember thinking that we’d only be in that room probably a day, and that 24 hours later, we’d be upstairs post delivery.

Ha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

I was given a drug to start labor (not pitocin). I’ve always hated needles and so getting an IV was not part of my top 100,000 Things I Love to Do List. Thankfully, the nurse who put it in was really good, so I barely felt anything. 

The one major memory of this whole experience (other than Jonas, of course) was how good the nurses were. I am forever grateful to them. 

Other than the IV and monitors, Mister having to sleep on the sofa, and me laying on a hospital bed, we could almost trick ourselves into imagining we were staying at some sort of hotel. Almost. For a few hours, anyway.

Wednesday night into Thursday morning was okay. I was feeling persistent pain. It wasn’t terrible, just uncomfortable, and I knew that it was part of the process. I didn’t sleep great but I was able to get some rest.

Around six o’clock there was a shift change, and my nurse for the day came in. Liz had a kind of cheerleader vibe about her, very positive, and in some other circumstances I might’ve found her annoying. But I liked her.

My doctor came in a little after seven and broke my water. That experience was...weird. I mean, it was a new experience for me, so it’s hard to describe. Uh, water is wet, so it was wet? Honestly, the thing I remember the most is that there was some meconium after Doc broke my water, which worried me a little. Baby was doing fine and no one seemed super worried, so I set it aside. I DID think it meant I was guaranteed to have the baby that day. How wrong I was, and not for the first time...

They gave me pitocin after my water was broken. So my contractions increased. It felt more like strong period cramps to me. I should say at this point that I have a high pain tolerance. I don’t know what the same level of contractions would feel like to someone else. Sometimes I was only mildly aware that I was having them. 

Probably one of the most annoying things about my entire experience Wednesday/Thursday/into Friday was not being allowed to eat anything. I had ice chips, and water, and Liz managed to get me some Jello. This was actually something of an issue, because I had gestational diabetes, so at first nobody wanted to give me anything except for sugar-free Jello. I did have some of that, but as the day wore on and there wasn’t much progress, Liz talked to somebody and got me some regular Jello. I would’ve preferred something else, but Jello was what I was allowed, so Jello I got.

I...don’t really like Jello. Seriously, like if it’s the only thing, I’ll eat it, but...yeah.

The hours ticked by. Progress was slow. At first I looked forward to Liz and the other nurses coming in and checking me, but by late afternoon, it was clear that things were slooooooow. The best part of Thursday was sometime in the afternoon Liz suggested bouncing on the ball. I was really happy to get out of bed and bounce for a while. After doing that, I decided it was time for the epidural.

I’d decided beforehand I wanted an epidural. As I said, I absolutely hate needles, but I also didn’t want my body to be so stressed that labor couldn’t progress. In the back of my mind, I also thought that if the situation changed, and a c-section became necessary, the epidural would already be in place. 

After the epidural was put in, I started shaking on the edge of the bed, tears rolling down my face. Liz was still holding on to me, and Mister was there, and they both asked what was wrong. I couldn’t speak for a minute. It felt a little like I was five years old, still terrified of that darn needle, and all the tension I’d suppressed had to get out somehow.

“It’s okay,” Liz said, giving me a hug. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed. I was sorry to see her go when her shift ended. She said she was working again on Saturday and that she’d stop by to see us after the baby was born, to see what we were having. (She did stop by.)

This was a constant refrain from most of the nurses: upon first coming into the room, and looking at the white board that had my information and seeing next to “Baby” was written “Surprise!!” we inevitably got the question, “You don’t know what you’re having? That’s awesome!” 

Getting the epidural made the pain diminish, but it also made things more complicated for me because I couldn’t move. Overnight, a tag team of nurses turned me one way and the other, and checked me. 

(I should also mention that all of the staff at the hospital had already been vaccinated, and they all wore masks into the rooms. We did not have to wear masks in the room, but if we went outside it, they were required.)

By Thursday night, both Mister and I were feeling rather discouraged. All day Thursday we’d been told that baby would come “by the afternoon”, then “by the evening”, and then late Thursday, “by Friday morning”. Bear in mind that I’d been on an IV/ induced since roughly six pm on Wednesday. 

Maybe this sounds laughable to people who’ve had 72 hour long labors, but I’d been mentally prepared for around 24 hours of labor. My twin sister had been induced with her first, and her labor had gone about that long. Around midnight on Thursday I was feeling pretty discouraged. Mister wasn’t angry but he said (when we were alone) that he felt like the staff had been overly optimistic. I just don’t think either of us had thought about the implications of me being induced without any sign of active labor. In hindsight, I was glad it was done then, but...yeah. Not being mentally prepared for that long of a labor was hard. I felt bad for everyone who was waiting on updates; it felt like literally nothing happened for about thirty hours. Like I think was dilated to five by Friday morning. And effaced? Practically nothing. My cervix wasn’t getting thinner at all.

Early Friday morning, a new nurse started her shift. My first impressions of Diana were...well, I thought, “she’s definitely not as friendly as Liz.” She was more brusque. As I hadn’t slept much Thursday night, and having been in the same situation for over a day, I didn’t care nearly as much about making friends. By that point I was tired - physically, mentally, emotionally.

But Diana was awesome. She got me turned onto my hands and knees, and had me start doing some vigorous exercises, to really move labor along. I was fine with doing whatever she said because I was REALLY ready to be done. So it felt a little like my cross country days in high school, at the finish of a difficult race. I was tired, I wasn’t sure how much I could do physically, but we had a GOAL and dammit, we were going to do everything to get there!

By late morning, even after the exercises, I was still dilated at a five. Hardly effaced at all. After checking me again, Diana left the room. The option of a c-section had been discussed, especially since it was over 24 hours since my water had been broken.

“I think I’m done,” I said to Mister. Even though I’d never really been 100% ‘I want a natural birth experience’, it felt a little like giving up. I started crying again. “I just don’t think this [natural labor] is going to work. I’m done.”

“If you’re done, that’s it,” Mister said. “Tell Diana you want a c-section.”

I have to say something here about Mister. Even though he kept saying he didn’t know what he was doing or how he should support me, he was AWESOME. He supported every decision, and listened to me talk about the different options. For as hard as labor was for me, I think he had a different hard time. All he could do was literally sit there and watch me go through pain and doubt and fear, and comfort me as best he could. He was a great comfort.

(This is why even if thoughtful partners don’t think they’re doing a good job at supporting laboring moms, they most likely are. Their presence is invaluable. For anyone who doesn’t have a supportive partner with them, or an absent one, my profound condolences.)

When Diana came back in, I told her I wanted a c-section. This was around 11 o’clock Friday morning, March 12th. “I agree,” she said right away, patting me on the shoulder. “You’ve done everything you possibly can to get this baby delivered naturally. I trust mom’s instincts on this.”

Her support meant so much. Really, when a veteran nurse says they trust your instinct, how can you not feel better about your decision?

She left to contact my doctor and several other people, and Mister let people know what was going on. At that point I was more relieved that soon it would be over. I wanted to see our baby.

Mister said later that he learned that hospitals have two speeds: 1) we’re in no rush; and 2) something is going to happen NOW. While my c-section wasn’t an emergency, once the decision was made, things did happen fast. Diana brought the anesthesiologist into the room so he could numb me up. As I already had the epidural, this didn’t take very long. After a few minutes of letting the medication work, Bryce asked if I could feel my toes.

“No,” I said. It was weird. I knew I shouldn’t feel them, but I couldn’t help saying, “I’m trying to wiggle them!”

“No, no, it’s good you can’t feel them,” both Bryce and Mister said. I was wheeled out of the labor room a few minutes after that (I was not sorry to leave it) and taken to the OR. Mister went with someone else to take our stuff to the recovery room.

I’ve been in operating rooms before. They aren’t places that make me want to stay there. Bright lights, metal everywhere, many thoughts of what could go wrong...although I will say that all the staff in the OR made me feel confident. I was glad to see my doctor. 

I felt better once I was in the OR (the only time in my life I’ve ever felt that way) but it felt like a long time until Mister arrived in there. He’d gone with a member of staff as they took all our stuff to a recovery room, then been taken to the OR. Once he was in place, everything started.

Doctor M had asked me before Mister arrived if he wanted to ‘announce’ was the baby was. I told her that he most likely would, but to ask him. She did, and he said yes, he’d love to do that.

There was a blue sheet in front of me so I really couldn’t see anything that went on - which was PERFECTLY FINE with me.

Obviously, I was flat on my back, and everything below my chest was numb. The doctor and others asked me at various times if I felt anything, and I didn’t (other than tugging and pulling). At one point, I suddenly smelled the unmistakable scent of something burning. “What is that? That burning smell?” I asked, glancing above me (really, behind me) at Bryce, who stood there.

“I’ll tell you later,” he said.

Which immediately told me I didn’t want to know what it was. 

Yeah, it was me burning, while the medical staff cauterized me, keeping me from bleeding to death.

(The fact that cesarean sections are major surgery, and regularly happen every day in the United States, is, frankly, a miracle. Everyone hears about the horror stories when something goes wrong, but considering the number of women who go through them without incident, we as a society completely take them for granted.)

As the tugging and pulling continued, and Doctor M said things like, “there’s the head”, the sense of anticipation increased. I’ve never felt anything like it before. Both Mister and I knew any moment we would meet our baby, and after waiting 39 weeks (and eight years before that), it was almost unbearable.

Doctor M said, “Here’s the baby!”

I heard a slight cry, and I looked up at Mister, who sat on my right, holding my hand. He looked down at me and said, “It’s Jonas.”

Even thinking about that moment now brings tears to my eyes. In knowing Mister almost eleven years, I’ve only seen him cry maybe five times. Including this year, on March 12th. We both were bawling, and laughing at the same time, as Jonas VERY loudly screamed his disapproval at being evicted from his warm, cozy space. At one point, Mister, laughing as he cried said, “One of the ---s (our last name) needs to stop crying in here!”

He has a rather husky cry, Jonas does. I loved his cry from the moment I first heard it (though I don’t actually like to hear him cry, if that makes any sense).

As I was sewn up, Mister moved his chair over to where our baby was, under a heat lamp. Then he brought Jonas over to me. My first thought was, he’s HUGE. My second thought was, he was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen.

He weighed nine pounds, five ounces at birth, and had a fifteen inch head circumference. After I heard that, I knew a natural birth was never going to happen. He was born on Friday the 12th of March, at 1:14 pm. The digital clock on the wall said 13:14, which I thought was cool. And it made it a bit easier to remember the time :)

He had lots of dark hair, which I loved. My sister’s had bald babies, so it was nice to have a different-looking kid. Over the last few months, his hair almost entirely disappeared due to cradle cap, and is coming back in...blond. Genetics!

I can say now that it’s past, that I was more afraid during pregnancy than I could admit to anyone, even Mister. I have always been a worrier, and finally being pregnant after so many years, and being high risk due to my age (and my shunt, and the gestational diabetes...) I was in almost constant worry of something going wrong. First of miscarriage (no one needed to tell me of the statistics regarding older mothers), then of stillbirth, like the cord getting wrapped around baby’s neck, and death happening before delivery could happen. I have heard of at least two different stories of that happening to pregnant women in the ninth month - friends of friends of mine - and the fear of that, or something else equally catastrophic happening was, at times, almost crippling. I would’ve preferred to have never been pregnant at all rather than suffer a miscarriage or stillbirth. 

Perhaps it sounds childish, but mentally I didn’t think I was strong enough to have the dream of motherhood dashed, when every day of pregnancy brought that dream closer. I was (and still am) too much of a realist to ignore the statistics; I couldn’t pretend I was 22 and have a blissfully ignorant uneventful pregnancy. To this day, even after giving birth to a healthy baby, one of the biggest things that will set me off is the assumption that way too many people have. “We’re planning on getting pregnant soon.” “Just have kids, you’ll understand.” “I can take you out and make one just like you.” [a redneck phrase I’ve heard being said to a misbehaving child]

Not many of us can “plan” on getting pregnant exactly when we want to - or even within a year’s time. Not all of us can “just have kids” - they’re not like going to the store and getting a gallon of milk. (I recognize the privilege of living in a society where going to the store and expecting fresh milk can also sound arrogant to those who don’t live in one.) ‘Take out’ a kid (even said in jest), and ‘make another one’? I MIGHT have another child in the next couple years. More likely, I won’t. Not all of us can just get pregnant at the drop of a hat. (That’s assuming the one wanting to get pregnant even has a male partner or sperm donor at the ready...some never find that person to have a child with. And adoption can be a great thing, but not everyone is cut out for it. Shaming infertile and childless people for not wanting to adopt is disgusting.)

I was open with my OB-GYN about my fears during pregnancy and she referred me to several resources, and monitored me for PPD. My best friend’s son died in March 2020, a year before Jonas was born (though Billy had severe disabilities which made his death a certain thing), and my sister had had a stillborn son in August 2019 (my nephew Christian). So Jonas being born healthy was a huge relief for me. I can’t really describe the relief, except to say that as much physical weight I gained during pregnancy, letting go of the weight of the worry was felt even more deeply than losing the pounds since his birth (and I’ve haven’t lost all of that).

I will probably always worry about *something*, when it comes to Jonas. He gave me a scare earlier this week, rolling off the couch before I could catch him. He’s fine...and the incident scared me more than it scared him. But every day since he was born is a reminder of the gift he is, and I hope I never lose sight of that, even on the frustrating days (and there have been those over the last almost six months, and there will be more to come).

If you ever wanted children, and are fortunate enough to have them, cherish them. Be grateful for them, even when they drive you up the wall. Even when you only want three minutes’ peace, and they won’t give it to you. Love them anyway. I try to.  

[singledarkshade]

Reunited Family

Summary: It's been a year since Amy, Rory and Jonas became a family. The Doctor appears suddenly with news that will change everything for them forever. Sequel to Foster Parents, Settling In And New Grandpa, Big Sister, Meeting The Doctor and Surprise Family. Author’s Note: This is the final main story in the series, I have had a good bit of this written for a long time. Although I may add a few mini fics set during the series at some point.

Enjoy.

 Walking out the clothes shop, Amy frowned confused to find the Doctor standing waiting for her.

“What’s wrong?” she demanded.

The Doctor smiled, “Hello to you too, Pond.”

Shaking her head, Amy hugged him tightly. It was almost a year since they’d seen him, after they’d had to tell him there was no more travelling now that they had Jonas.

“Don’t get me wrong, Doctor,” Amy said, “I am so happy to see you but showing up like this, something’s going on.”

He nodded, “Come inside and I’ll explain.”

Entering the TARDIS, Amy smiled happy to be back inside the ship which hummed slightly hello. Placing her bags down just to one side, Amy headed to the console where the Doctor was waiting for her looking serious.

“Okay, Raggedy Man,” she stated, “What’s going on?”

The Doctor rested his hands on her shoulders, “I found Rip Hunter.”

Astonishment filled her and all Amy could say was, “What?”

“I found Rip Hunter,” the Doctor repeated, “Jonas’ father. I…” he trailed off, “I wanted to talk to you first.”

Amy nodded understanding, she loved Jonas, but Rory had created a deep bond with the little boy, and she knew losing him would be heart breaking, even if it was giving him back to his own father.

But Amy also knew that Jonas deserved to have his father back.

“Okay,” she said softly, “Then we go get him now.”

The Doctor frowned in confusion, “You’re not going to tell Rory first.”

“No,” Amy shook her head, “I don’t want him to have time to think about it. This will be easier on him.”

Nodding the Doctor hit the lever and the TARDIS entered the time stream.

Rip sat exhausted.

Using the Time Core against Mallus had pulled him into what was basically a prison just attached to the time stream. His courier was completely dead and there was nothing he could do to fix it. He would see the Waverider pass him every so often but had no way to contact Gideon. There was also no way to measure how long he’d been here. He wasn’t hungry or thirsty even after he struggled to escape. All he felt was exhaustion. Rip feared that soon he would just slip into unconsciousness and die here alone.

It felt like he was back before he’d been found by the Time Masters. The unwanted child who was nothing but dirt on people’s shoes.

A strange noise began to fill the small bubble he was in, a wheezing noise that sounded like nothing he’d ever heard before growing louder by the second. He had no weapons and there was nothing within the prison but that didn’t mean Rip would go down without a fight. Ready to protect himself, Rip watched in bemusement when a blue police box appeared before him.

The door opened and Rip jumped, staring at the man who looked out. Floppy brown hair, tweed jacket and a bow tie, the man let out a cry of excitement.

“Amy,” he called behind him, “You are not going to believe this.”

Stepping out the door, the man stepped to one side and a red headed woman appeared staring at him.

“This is bizarre,” the woman breathed, before giving him a smile, “Rip Hunter, I presume.”

Confused Rip nodded, “Yes.”

“I’m Amy Williams,” she introduced herself, “And this is the Doctor.”

Rip looked at her, his eyes drawn over her shoulder where he could see a room that should not exist within the tiny box.

“Time Lord,” Rip breathed in realisation.

Amy indicated the strange man she’d introduced as the Doctor with her thumb, “That’s him.”

“I have to admit,” Rip returned his attention to Amy, “I am a little confused why you’re here, not that I don’t appreciate what I hope is a rescue.”

Amy smiled, “How about we get out of here and I’ll explain.”

Rip let out a sigh, “That is a wonderful idea.”

 The small kitchen was not what Rip was expecting after seeing the control room. It reminded him of the kitchen in his mother’s house, warm and comforting. The Doctor was sitting quietly while Amy made them tea.

“We stopped allowing him to make the tea after he decided to try flavours,” Amy explained as she handed Rip a mug.

“Some weren’t bad,” the Doctor protested, taking his mug from her.

“Rory was sick after trying one,” Amy reminded him, taking a seat at the table with them.

The Doctor grumbled but said nothing else, drinking his tea.

“Who is Rory?” Rip asked.

Amy smiled, “My husband. And that’s a good way to ease into what I have to tell you.”

Rip frowned confused but stayed silent waiting.

“This is my husband, Rory,” Amy pulled up a photograph on her phone and turned it to show him,

Rip stared at his doppelganger, “Okay.”

“You’re distantly related,” the Doctor spoke up, “Space time multiplicity.”

“Anyway,” Amy continued, “Rory is a nurse and just over a year ago, Rory was at work in the hospital, and he found a little boy who thought Rory was his father.”

Rip’s mouth went dry, and he tried not to feel any hope waiting for Amy to continue.

“Jonas is safe,” she pulled up another photograph and passed her phone to Rip, “He’s healthy and will be so happy to see you.”

Staring at the photograph of his long-lost son, Rip’s eyes filled with tears his hand covering his mouth.

“It’s okay,” Amy reached out and gently squeezed his arm, “We believed you were dead and, although Jonas took it hard, he’s coping. He will be so happy to have you back.”

Rip managed to swallow the lump in his throat and whispered, “I have no way to thank you.”

Amy smiled, “You don’t have to. We got to have the most amazing little boy as part of our lives.”

The Doctor stood suddenly, “And we should head back to the house. Allow you to see your son.”

                                 *********************************************

 Rory checked the time to see how long before Amy would be home from her Saturday afternoon shopping trip.

“Jonas,” he called, “Do you want to help me make a cake for your grandma’s visit tomorrow?”

The little boy nodded, he enjoyed baking with Rory. It was something he used to do with his dad and Rory wanted the little boy to continue to associate it with good memories. Rory’s own grandmother had taught him how to bake and Amy, who had a major sweet tooth, always asked him to make her the chocolate cake his gran taught him. Plus, during his time guarding the Pandorica, he’d studied with the best chefs picking up what he could.

They pulled together all the ingredients and soon Jonas was mixing the chocolate batter, with not too much covering him. After pouring it into the cake tin, Rory slid it into the oven and smiled at the little boy.

“I think we did great work,” Rory told him.

Jonas nodded, “Amy will be happy.”

Rory chuckled and quickly cleaned Jonas up so he could go back to his toys. The sound of the TARDIS arriving stunned him and he automatically pulled Jonas close protectively. The blue box landed in the back garden and Rory frowned confused when Amy walked out of it. With Jonas holding onto him, they walked to meet her.

“This is the best way to do this,” Amy murmured when she kissed him hello before crouching down to Jonas. The little boy gave her a hug and Amy kissed the top of his head, “Jonas, I have a big surprise for you.”

She rested her hand on his shoulder and faced him towards the TARDIS. The door opened and Rory stared in amazement.

 Rip bounced nervously as Amy left the ship to speak first with her husband, his eyes on the monitor showing his baby boy standing there whole and healthy. Slightly taller than when Rip had last seen him, but still his little boy.

“Jonas,” Amy’s voice came, “I have a big surprise for you.”

On his cue, Rip froze until the Doctor placed a hand on his back to propel him forward. The moment he stepped into the garden, Jonas’ joyful voice filled the air.

“Daddy!!!!!”

A second later Rip had his son in his arms, holding onto him tightly as tears streamed along his face.

“I thought you were gone,” Jonas whispered, “I missed you, Daddy.”

Rip grimaced, “I am sorry, little man, I am so sorry, and I will never leave you again. I promise.”

Jonas cuddled into his shoulder, and Rip gently rubbed his back. Looking up he saw Amy standing with her husband, his doppelganger, who was wiping his eyes.

“Hey,” Rip murmured, pulling back from his son, “Why don’t you introduce me to your new friends?”

Jonas grinned, squirming to be put down he grabbed Rip’s hand, “This is Amy and Rory. Rory found me in the hospital and is related to us.”

Offering his free hand to the other man, Rip said, “It is a pleasure to meet you.”

“You too,” Rory smiled as he shook Rip’s hand.

“Jonas,” Amy spoke up, “Why don’t you show your dad your room?”

His son grinned and began to pull him towards the house. Rip gave the couple and their friend a quick nod as he was dragged away. The house was nice and tidy, it was clearly a family home. As Jonas led him upstairs, Rip looked at each picture hanging on the way up. One of Amy and Rory on their wedding day, the rest were of Jonas.

When they entered the room, Rip smiled as Jonas bounced about showing all the completed robotic kits, the books and other things around the room that were his.

“And this,” Jonas picked up a toy dog, “I called her Gideon.”

Rip smiled, “She’d like that you thought of her.”

“She did,” Jonas nodded, “She’ll be really happy you’re here.”

“What?”

Jonas grinned, “I let her know Amy and Rory were looking after me. She sent them a communicator.”

Relief filled Rip that he could easily let Gideon know he was alive and with his son once more. Looking at his little boy, Rip sighed, “I am so sorry, Jonas that I wasn’t there when you needed me, but I promise from now on, I will always be here.”

Jonas threw his arms around Rip who smiled at being able to hold his baby boy once more.

A knock on the door made Rip look up to see Amy standing there.

“Jonas,” she smiled, “Why don’t you help Rory make dinner, let your dad have a shower and freshen up?”

When Jonas looked over at him, Rip nodded and pressed a kiss to his son’s forehead, “I won’t be long.”

Jonas hesitated for a moment before he bounced away. Rip took a shaky breath looking round when Amy sat on the bed beside him.

“You look a bit overwhelmed,” she said softly.

Rip felt tears prick his eyes, “I never thought I’d ever see him again. I thought he was dead. I held his body and died inside. But he’s here…”

Amy rubbed his back comfortingly as he trailed off, “Have a shower, I’ve left you some clothes out. You and Rory appear to be the same size,” she smiled, “Once you’re dressed come downstairs and have dinner.”

“I…”

“We can sort everything else out later,” Amy continued, “For now, just be with your son.”

                                 *********************************************

 Jonas sat at the table looking at the door nervously, waiting for his dad to appear once more. Rory frowned at how worried the little boy looked but was pulled away when he heard what the man at his side was saying.

“We’re not having fish fingers and custard for dinner,” Rory turned to the Doctor, “I’ve made proper food.”

“Well, that’s boring,” the Doctor dropped into the seat beside Jonas with a pout.

Jonas laughed, telling him, “Rory makes nice food.”

“I know,” the Doctor said, “But not my favourite.”

Amy appeared at the door and Jonas looked round her.

“Your dad will be down once he’s had his shower,” Amy soothed, gently squeezing his shoulder.

“Okay,” Jonas said before whispering, “He will, won’t he?”

Rory moved to his side, “Of course he will,” he assured, “Jonas, your dad is so happy to be back with you.”

“He has missed you so much,” Amy added, “He’s just having a shower and changing clothes before dinner.”

Jonas smiled as they hugged him tightly.

 Rip closed his eyes as he let the water batter down on him, he had no idea how long he’d been trapped in the time prison and was relieved to be free finally. Seeing Jonas, alive and thriving was the most incredible thing. Rip knew he could never repay the couple who had taken Jonas in for all they had done for his baby boy.

After a few minutes he washed himself and his hair, drying before putting on the jeans and t-shirt Amy had left out for him. Taking a quick breath, he headed down the stairs hearing the chatter and laughter coming from the dining room.

He nervously opened the door, unable to stop his smile as Jonas came running over to him.

“Hey,” Rip hugged the little boy, “I’m here.”

Jonas beamed up at him, “Rory made dinner. He is the one who can cook, Amy doesn’t cook much. But she does make good toast.”

Rip laughed, as did the others in the room at the little boy’s announcement.

“At least I make good toast,” Amy elbowed her husband who was smirking at her.

“Grab a seat,” Rory told them, “Dinner is ready.”

Dinner was nice. As promised Rory could cook and while they ate Jonas told Rip all about his school. Rory and Amy every so often reminded the little boy of things to tell Rip and a strange jealousy settled in Rip’s chest. He did his best to ignore it, it wasn’t their fault he hadn’t been there for his son and forced himself to focus on his little boy, not his idiocy.

“Daddy,” Jonas bounced suddenly, “Grandma is coming tomorrow, she’ll be happy to see you.”

“Grandma?” Rip asked, he tried to remember from the load of information he’d been given if that was Rory or Amy’s mother.

Jonas nodded, “Grandma Mary comes to visit.”

“Your mother,” Rory clarified, picking up on Rip’s confusion.

“Mother?” Rip breathed, before noting, “Why do I feel there is a story behind that?”

Amy chuckled, “Because you’re right but we’ll tell that one later.”

Finishing eating, Rory and Amy cleared the plates while the Doctor chatted with Jonas. Rip watching how comfortable his son was in this place with these people. It had always saddened them that he and Miranda couldn’t give Jonas an extended family.

“Where’s Daddy going to sleep?” Jonas suddenly asked.

Rip winced, he hadn’t thought about that himself but before he could say anything Amy replied.

“Well, he can sleep on the couch if he wants,” Amy smiled at him, “Or if he doesn’t mind sharing then your bed should be big enough for both of you tonight.”

“With me,” Jonas said instantly before Rip could say a word. At his son’s hopeful look, Rip nodded. He was more than happy to have his son close to him all night long.

“Don’t worry,” Rory said as he placed a bowl with ice cream down, “It was the spare room before it was Jonas’ room. We never changed the bed so it should be comfortable for a few nights.”

                                 *********************************************

 Amy and Rory watched the TARDIS disappear. The Doctor had hugged them both before bouncing away as though they saw each other every day.

“I’m sorry I didn’t warn you,” Amy said as Rory wrapped his arm around her, “But when the Doctor told me he’d found Rip, I knew we had to rescue him then and there.”

Rory sighed, “I’m glad you did. I’m just worried where Rip is going to take Jonas to live now.”

“Me too,” Amy leaned against him as they reached the living room and sat together, “But I think that might not be a snap decision. He seems a little shell-shocked.”

Rory nodded, “Considering everything, that’s to be expected. I think we just have to do our best to help him and not borrow trouble.”

Amy kissed him, “Tea?”

“Good idea.”

 Jonas had changed into his pyjamas and bounced into his room now he’d brushed his teeth. Rip smiled as he watched his son, Amy and Rory had stepped back so Rip could put his son to bed. When he made it home being included in Jonas’ bedtime routine was one thing he looked forward to. Picking the book up from the bedside table that Rory was reading with Jonas, Rip smiled to see that it was Treasure Island, one of his favourite books. He’d read it during his first few months in the Refuge and had hoped to share it with his son. Miranda knew this and never read it with Jonas in the hopes one day Rip would be able to.

“You like living here, don’t you?” Rip said as Jonas climbed onto the bed beside him.

Jonas nodded.

Rip smiled, “That’s good.”

“Are you going to call Gideon and tell her you’re here?” Jonas asked.

“Not tonight,” Rip told him, “I’ll let her know tomorrow.”

Jonas chewed his lip and Rip began to worry, “What’s wrong?”

Wide eyes looked up at him, “Where are we going to live now, Daddy?”

Rip gently stroked his son’s hair and kissed his forehead, “I’m not sure yet but don’t worry about it. Because wherever we live you will always be able to see your new family. I promise.”

Jonas nodded.

“Okay,” Rip smiled, “Let’s see where you and Rory are up to.”

 Rip watched Jonas sleep, the little boy snuggling into his pillow as he hugged his toy dog close. It was the most amazing thing to see his son alive, safe and happy. The couple who had taken his son in were wonderful, and Rip knew he couldn’t just pull Jonas away from them. He was settled here, and it wouldn’t be fair on Jonas to make him move again.

Finally he shook himself and, after pressing a kiss to his son’s hair, left the room. He could hear Amy and Rory talking in the living room, Rip needed to talk to them tonight.

“May I join you?” Rip said, opening the door seeing them on couch drinking tea.

“Sure,” Amy smiled, “Do you want some tea?”

Rip shook his head, even he had his limit, “No, thank you.”

“I take it Jonas is finally asleep,” Rory noted with an amused smile, “How many chapters did you read?”

“Three,” Rip replied, “He was fighting sleep for a good part of it, so the last two will probably need repeated.”

The couple chuckled.

“I want to thank you both again,” Rip said, taking a seat across from them “There is nothing I can do that can repay you for how you not only took Jonas in, but you have cared for him like he is your own.”

Rory caught Amy’s hand before saying softly, “We lost a child. It was a good fit.”

“I have one more thing to ask of you,” Rip continued, “And that is your assistance in finding a place for us to live as close to here as possible.”

They stared at him, and Amy breathed, “Seriously?”

“I can’t take Jonas away from you,” Rip told them, “His life has already been uprooted and he loves you both so much. I won’t let him lose the new family he found here with you. Unfortunately for you it means putting up with me as well now.”

They chuckled all jumping when the door burst open, and Jonas ran in fear covering his face.

“Daddy,” he cried running to Rip, who pulled him up onto his lap, “I thought you were gone again.”

Rip hugged him, “I’m just talking with Amy and Rory.” Jonas buried his face against his shoulder and Rip rubbed the little boy’s back turning to the couple, “I think I will retire for the night with Jonas.”

Managing to stand with Jonas in his arms, Rip nodded to Amy and Rory who said goodnight before he carried his son who was clinging to him upstairs.

                                 *********************************************

 Rip woke feeling rested properly for the first time in a long time. He could feel Jonas attached to him and opening his eyes smiled to see the sweet face of his son. Rip never thought he would feel peace like this ever again. Only Miranda was missing.

Sliding out of bed, Rip could hear someone moving outside the room then heading downstairs.

“Daddy?” Jonas sleepy voice made him turn to see his son looking up at him blearily.

“It’s okay,” Rip soothed, “I’m just going to be downstairs.”

Jonas slid out of the bed with his toy dog in his hand, Rip watched him wander out of the room but rather than go downstairs he headed into the other bedroom. Rip watched Jonas climb in beside Amy, who smiled hugging him before they both closed their eyes.

Shaking his head in slight bemusement, Rip dressed quickly and walked downstairs finding Rory in the kitchen.

“Morning,” his ‘twin’ smiled, “Kettle is boiled, help yourself to whatever you want. Is Jonas still asleep?”

“He climbed in beside Amy,” Rip said as he made himself a mug of tea.

Rory nodded, “That’s normal for the weekend. I’m usually up first even when I’m not working. They both like to sleep in.”

Rip smiled softly as he took a seat at the table across from the other man, “So did Miranda,” he quickly moved on to ask, “I’ve been wondering, how did you contact my mother?”

“We didn’t,” Rory grimaced slightly, “Some of your friends appeared one day demanding we let Jonas go with them because you would want him to live with people you knew.”

“You refused.”

Rory nodded, “I had no idea who they were and told them I would only let a relative Jonas knew take him. So, they brought your mother,” he grimaced, “Your friends are not very subtle.”

“Subtlety has never been one of their qualities,” Rip nodded before asking, “What happened?”

“Mary dismissed them and came in for a chat,” Rory smiled in memory, “And she decided it was best that Jonas stay here with us, but she would be visiting. Which she has and we always look forward to seeing her. My dad gets along well with her, and they plan their next adventure with Jonas after each day out.”

Rip smiled, “I haven’t seen her in a long time,” before noting, “My life is not very linear.”

“Time travel really does mess with your sense of normality,” Rory agreed, “The fact Jonas understood that meant we didn’t have to hide anything from him about our lives.”

Rip frowned confused, “Like?”

“You remember I said we lost our daughter?” Rory asked softly.

Rip nodded.

“Well, it turns out we grew up with her,” Rory continued, “And she is now older than we are.”

“Long story?”

“Very.”

Rip chuckled before he sighed, “I need to contact Gideon, Jonas said you have a communicator.”

“Yes, that was a shock,” Rory chuckled before explaining, “He built the original one from bits of his robotic kits and using some of the crystals we got at the science centre. I nearly had a heart attack finding him talking to this strange woman. Thankfully, after she explained who she was, Gideon sent us a proper one. She has been an amazing help, letting us know things you and Miranda would do with Jonas so we kept things consistent, and she helped us choose his school.”

Rip smiled, “Gideon has always been special. She kept me in one piece for many years and she loved Jonas from the moment he was born. Even though she insists as an AI that isn’t possible.”

“The communicator is on the top shelf of the bookshelf in the living room,” Rory told him.

 Rip found the communicator and placing it on the coffee table he took a seat. Taking a deep breath, Rip hit the button and waited.

Gideon’s human form appeared before him, and she stalled from whatever she was going to say.

“Captain?” she whispered.

“Hello, Gideon,” Rip smiled, “I have missed you.”

She studied him for a moment, “You are safe once more and you are calling me from…”

Rip nodded when she trailed off, “I’m with Jonas.”

“Mr and Mrs Williams have been wonderful to him,” Gideon assured, “I did my best to assist them.”

“I know,” Rip whispered, “They told me.”

“I will come for you, Captain,” Gideon said, “If you order me to.”

Rip shook his head, “I won’t order you to do anything, Gideon, I would only ask, and that is something I can’t ask of you.”

“Rip?”

“I would love to come back to you, but Jonas needs me,” Rip whispered, “And I need to be with him.”

“He always loved being on the Waverider,” Gideon reminded him.

Rip smiled sadly, “He does and so do I, but I can’t take him away from here. He has school and friends,” he shrugged, “I can’t take him from Mr and Mrs Williams. He loves them and I won’t tear him from another home.”

Gideon nodded softly, “You are doing the right thing, Rip and I am very proud of you.”

“Once I find a house, I’ll ensure it is accessible to you,” Rip promised.

“I look forward to that, Rip,” Gideon told him.

Hearing noise above him Rip sighed, “I have to go, Jonas is up, and my mother is visiting today.”

“I have missed you, Captain Hunter,” Gideon said softly.

“I missed you too,” Rip smiled.

                                 *********************************************

 Mary smiled to herself as she walked up to the blue door looking forward to spending the day with her grandson and the couple who had taken him in. She had come to know Amy and Rory quite well in the months since they met, putting them in the same category as her son and daughter-in-law.

“Hello, Mary,” Amy smiled in greeting when she opened the door before Mary could even knock.

Mary hugged the redhead, “It’s wonderful to see you, dear.”

“Grandma!!!!!!” Jonas came speeding towards her catching her in a hug, “We have a surprise for you.”

Surprised Mary laughed, “You do?”

Jonas nodded and grabbed her hand, “Come on.”

Glancing at Amy who shrugged, Mary allowed her grandson to pull her through the house to the living room. Entering the room, she stalled to see the man standing there.

“Michael?” she breathed, glancing to one side where Rory was watching just to check.

“Hello Mother,” he smiled slightly.

Walking to him, Mary opened her arms and he hugged her tightly, “Oh my boy, you’re safe.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael whispered.

Letting him go, Mary took his face in her hands, “You’ve only ever done what you thought was right, my dear one. I’m just happy to have you back safely.”

“Are we still going to the zoo?” Jonas asked, “I want to show Daddy the lion we adopted and the penguin that dances.”

Amy laughed, “I think if your dad and grandma agree then we will.”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea,” Michael crouched down to hug his son.

Mary smiled at the sight before clapping her hands together, “If we’re heading to the zoo, we should get going.”

“Come on, Jonas,” Rory said, “Let’s get everything together to go.”

Amy and Rory left the room with Jonas, Mary took her son’s hand who smiled at her.

“Thank you for letting him stay here,” Rip breathed, “I know Sara wanted you to agree to him being moved.

“The moment I met Amy and Rory,” Mary replied, “I knew Jonas belonged here with them if he couldn’t be with you. They have been wonderful to him.”

Her son nodded, “Now I have to find a place to live close to them, so he doesn’t lose another family.”

Mary squeezed his arm, proud of him for accepting the couple as part of Jonas’ life.

“Well,” she said, “I suggest you leave that to one side for just now and we enjoy our day at the zoo.”

Michael nodded.

When Amy, Rory and Jonas arrived back ready to leave, Michael took his son’s hand while talking with the couple about how they would explain the relationship if they met anyone they knew.

Watching her son with his own and the couple who had taken Jonas in, Mary smiled knowing that Michael had a new family, whether he liked it or not.