#anyway about to go back to sleep
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lately my life is like: i sleep, i wake up and write a fic and then do a small chore such as dishes or bathing once a day, occasionally i even run an errand instead, then i go back to sleep. the cycle repeats endlessly. i'm sleeping easily 16 hours a day. no new pain, no new symptoms. just so much fucking sleep.
#it's kind of terrifying for someone who's had treatment resistant insomnia for their entire life#like what is my body DOING#anyway about to go back to sleep#ellie.txt
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I have made. Another comic. I took a very, very long time, as usual lmao. I originally got inspired to make this after watching through Arcane cuz. Nicely done media makes me want to make things and all that. And, at that time, I'd sent Narinder out on a mission trip in my new save and he came home full of existential dread (I have terrible luck with Narinder on missions therefore so does QPR AU Lambert I guess lol), and it had occurred to me that that would make an interesting premise for a comic maybe?? Turns out it did.
I think I'm happy with this?? The perfectionist in me is not, and to be honest I think I could've drawn a lot of things better and also I think this would read better if it felt a little slower... but also it's 13 pages long so I can't fault myself all that much. I do wish I had spent more time on some of these interactions, particularly between Lambert and the Goat and also between Narinder and his siblings, I have a lot of thoughts about the Bishops post their joining the cult but I haven't had a ton of time to really like... flesh out those ideas as much as I would like to. Maybe someday?? Idk.
Semi-related, while this comic gave me a lot of thoughts about the Bishops it also gave me a lot of thoughts about like, the exact like, I guess boundaries and terms of Narinder and Lambert's QPR, and also about what exactly happened to Narinder while he was out, and he's not lying a lot did happen but that's a little too long to just throw in the description here so maybe future me will describe it somewhere or something. This comic also got me thinking about Webber a fair bit, and once day I will expand upon those thoughts but not today, I have outside activities today lol
Anyways. This comic, like all my art, is not perfect, but it was fun to make and I spent too long on it for nobody to see it, so... enjoy!!
#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#cotl#cotl fanart#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl goat#cotl shamura#cotl kallamar#cotl webber#(not tagging heket or leshy cuz they're there but they don't really do anything in this one)#cotl narilamb#cotl au#the yet untitled qpr narilamb au#maybe that should be the official tag. but anyways. it's back#theres a lot of random silliness going in in the background of this one?? particularly during the meeting when everyone's bored#i almost forgot to tag webber. he's here he's having a great time. living his best spidery life#also i almost forgot about leshy sleeping through the meeting but every time i think about it it makes me laugh a little#anyways. tag rambles over. i hope yall like this comic
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Orv doodle comic time
#my comics r always doodles cus im lazy sorry ;v;#gonna actually talk about some of my thought process for this one#there's always a frame between kdj and yjh#even in page 5#kdj is outside and yjh is inside the box#oh and sparkles and dramatic wind for yjh when kdj reached him lol#sth sth his back looks lonely#anyways imma go sleep now#mywork#art#orv#kdj#omniscient reader's viewpoint#kim dokja#yjh
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@ USAmericans that are following me, if you (like me) get anxious you'll somehow have issues with a mail-in or drop-off ballot: I forgot that in a lot of places (here's a site to check!) early in-person voting is an option, so I figured maybe you did too!
Lines are MUCH shorter than election day,
which means it's quick and you have more time to look things up at the voting booth if necessary,
and you have a LOT more ability to find a time that works for you than if you just vote on Nov. 5th (which I would be have been almost completely unable to go out and vote on).
Early voting y'all it kicks ass. A quick google of "early voting (my city/county" immediately brought up the exact address, days and hours of where it was available. Will definitely patronize the fine folks at my local polling center again in four years assuming that. Things go well. And we still have a democracy in four years. OTL
#USpol#US pol#LOVE poll workers love the extremely clear signage at my polling place and the people positioned every fifteen feet or so#whose whole job is to nod at me and go 'yup you're in the right place go right around that corner and see the first open person at the desk#nothing assuages my 'I'm going to mess up this important process and go to jail probably' anxieties#like having someone give me clear directions and instructions every step of the way. bless.#anyway I was scheduled to work a 12-hour night shift on either side of election day because that's how my schedule works#and by hell or high water I was going to make it out to vote anyway but like MAN it's a relief to be able to go in person but not uhhh#at the cost of coming back to work wildly sleep deprived. LOVE that shorter line A+ process.#Anyway I don't often make posts about real life around here but I did fully forget this was an option so I thought I would shout it out!
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Being a cold heartless spinster who loves no one is such hard work! I spend all this time spinning silk, and weaving it into intricate patterns, and catching hapless prey in my webs, and sinking my fangs into them, and yet no one ever appreciates my efforts!!! It’s so hard to be aro ::::(
#aro#aromantic#loveless aro#loveless aromantic#I keep making the same pun about being both a spinster (single by choice) and a spinster (a spider spinning its web)#arguably it’s getting a bit redundant but I am very aro and have an intense hyperfixation on spiders so I’m not gonna stop#spiders are aro coded to me btw#cw spiders#anyways gonna go back to sleep. byeee tumblr <2
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trans!soap taking his baby and running away from his rich abusive husband
(cw angst, financial abuse, single threat of child abuse, single mention of transphobia)
he's owned soap for years, since he was a teenager; paid for his medication and all his surgeries and tied them so deeply, soap’s lost hope of ever getting away. he gets even worse when soap falls pregnant. he was always controlling; blowing up at him if he spent too long out of the house or did something without telling him. but he becomes utterly possessive during the pregnancy
soap knows it has nothing to do with his safety or the baby's
he knows he sees his baby as an investment; another being he can control and hold over him
he gets worse and worse but there’s nothing soap can do. there's been nothing he can do for a long time. then a few months after the baby is born, soap doesn’t watch his tone closely enough and his husband threatens to drop his baby in punishment for it
soap doesn't think. he doesn't plan
he takes his baby and runs
he sneaks out of the servant's quarters of the sterile mansion he's been forced to live in for almost a decade and walks down the street without a backwards glance; his baby the only thing in his arms. he knows all of his husband's cars have trackers, all of them in his name since he never lets soap drive or go anywhere by himself, so he walks far enough to be out of view of the mansion's cameras and steals one. it doesn't have a car seat and all he can do is clutch his baby to his chest as he drives
he doesn't know where he's going beyond away
he doesn't know what he's going to do; he doesn't have any money, no supplies for his baby, he doesn't even have water for himself so he can reliably breastfeed him. he's terrified his husband will find them; he’s always felt omniscient, always everywhere and seeing everything he did. if he didn’t have eyes somewhere, he paid someone who did and they always dutifully reported back to him
soap just keeps his eyes forward. just keeps driving and driving, lost to the road and numb until the low gas light pops up on the dash and it all hits him at once
he turns into a gas station he can't pay for, in a car he stole, and parks behind it and his baby immediately starts getting fussy
he can't even call him by his name sometimes; too afraid to get attached, too afraid to lose him. as if he doesn’t love him more than life itself
even throughout his pregnancy, as happy as he was to finally have a baby, he didn't know if he could carry to term and that fear just let his husband dig his claws in even deeper; paying for extra scans he could never hope to pay for, favours on top of favours so he would aways owe him and isn’t he such a loving husband? taking soap in when his parents kicked him out for being trans, looking after him for all these years? you can’t even take care of yourself john, you’d still be a woman without me, john, what is this tantrum about john-
soap tugs his shirt up to let his baby feed, drops his head back and cries
he can't stop it; wails loud and uncontrolled, chest heaving with his sobs enough that it sways his baby, occasionally breaking his latch and he can't even do this right-
he can't save him
a light knock sounds on the window and soap flinches, curling over his baby to protect him from his huband's cruel hands
but it's not his husband outside the window
soap blinks tears from his eyes and looks at the large stranger standing beside the car. a neck gaiter covers his mouth and it should be off-putting… but something about him stops the feeling in its tracks. the stranger takes a half-step back and lifts a chilled and sealed water bottle, pressing it towards the window
soap quickly swipes his face clean and rolls down the window. "sorry 'bout that," he apologises with a choked laugh, the careful front he’s built over the years cracked and bleeding
the stranger gives a dismissive but somehow not diminishing shrug. "long day?" he asks
"could say that," he gives a shrug of his own and pats his baby's back as he makes a disgruntled noise, unconsciously swaying him
he politely keeps his gaze up on his face. "looks like you could use a break."
soap's breath hitches, anxiously darting his tongue out over his bottom lip. "could say that," he repeats uselessly and takes the water with a quiet “thanks,”; his throat dry and screaming for it after crying so hard
the stranger hums, watching him down the bottle and soap doesn’t notice his eyes drifting to the backseat and footwell of the passenger side. doesn’t notice the slight tension in his fists at what he sees. "how long you been runnin', lad?"
soap freezes, the water settling in his stomach like a stone. he swallows thickly and the bottle falls from his lips
"not long enough."
the stranger just nods, looking idly back down the highway
"you know, this place is connected to a garage,” he starts, nodding back to a building attached to the station without taking his eyes off the road. “lotta people drift through 'ere on road trips; too many to keep track.”
soap frowns slightly, shifting his hold on his baby
“funny thing is, plenty of 'em just abandon their car when they break down. like yours,” he adds and finally turns back to him with a pointed look. “got a whole junkyard of 'em. just rustin' away. be pretty easy to convince me to trade ya one."
soap’s mouth parts in a gasp as he realises just what the stranger’s saying. "how easy?" he whispers
he shrugs and even with his face hidden beneath the gaiter, he doesn’t feel afraid. "i'd say this car'd be a good deal. would blend right in with the rest of ‘em; no one’d ever notice it. what say i take it off your hands?"
soap's breath shudders out of him, his whole body going limp with relief. his baby's eyes fall shut with a satisfied hum and for the first time he can remember, he feels the gentle touch of hope
"i think we can work something out."
🧼💀
ghost owns the service station soap pulled into. he wanted something quiet and isolated after he retired and you can’t get much quieter than a backwoods servo surrounded by forest. he hasn’t had anyone pull in in days so he’s quick to notice soap’s car. he’s also quick to notice soap's subsequent breakdown in one of the cameras. the sight of him crying, desperately clutching a baby like they’re all he has left in the world, is so familiar he felt sick with it
he knows someone running when he sees it
if he didn't check on him, if this lad disappeared one day and the baby along with him, he'd never forgive himself. the lad doesn't even have a baby bag or car seat with him, and the personalised sticker on the back window of a lady and a dog is a dead giveaway that the car is stolen
but the lad is terrified. and when he startled him, he didn't turn. didn’t lift his arms to protect himself. no
he covered his baby
like he was afraid he'd be hurt
that's enough for ghost
🧼💀
i'd wanna set this in the 80's or 90's, just to make it even harder for soap to get away from his husband. he's a trans man with a newborn; he has no one to run to and no resources to help him. his husband's bought and paid for everything for him since he was 17; a few whirlwind weeks of unbelievable dates and extravagant gifts and he was living in his mansion, getting married the day after his 18th birthday. he thought it was love. thought he was being looked after and cared for the way he’s always wanted
he was in pain and alone and naive enough to believe the first person who came along and promised to make it better. nothing's in his name, not his insurance or his meds, he doesn’t have a bank account or savings; other than a birth certificate, nothing even ties him to his baby. his husband could take his world away from him with a snap of his fingers and he made sure soap always knew it
he never had a chance of getting away
but ghost is ex-military
he doesn’t know the lad’s story, doesn’t know the details of what he’s running from. he doesn’t need to know
he decided he was helping him the second he pulled into his service station
#what up i had a nightmare about an eldritch horror trying to steal my baby and john mcclane from die hard shooting it to protect me#i woke up freaked out and decided to torment soap with it to feel better#thats literally the only reason this exists#that and the thought of soaps super hairy chest but thats besides the point#anyway#i was going to have ghost be a drifter after retiring but i like the idea of him being the unlikely safe person living out in the woods#ghost moves soap into the little one bedroom cabin he built behind the station#its hidden by the trees and kept warm by a fire. he gives soap and the baby the bedroom and sleeps out in the living room#he keeps watch out the window for whoevers after soap#he doesnt find out who it is for a while; soaps been burned and reluctant to trust anyone#but they gradually heal each other; ghost gives soap someone to trust and soap helps ghost heal his truma by giving him someone he can save#soap starts to work in the service station despite ghost telling him he doesnt need to but he wants his independence back#he finds he likes working and ghost cant take that from him when hes so obviously happy cleaning and shelving stock#soaps husband comes looking for him but ghost still has his contacts and calls a whole militia down on his head#each one of them with favours in the government if not outright political immunity; money means nothing in the face of them#they just threaten him; lets him know soap is protected now#at least; thats what ghost tells soap 😉#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#ghostsoap#soapghost#ghoap#john soap mactavish#soap cod#simon ghost riley#ghost cod
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You've never done that when I got close to you before. Why? None of your business. Tell me, or you can't leave.
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 10
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#uservid#userspring#userrain#pdribs#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#every time i color this scene i get stronger. anyway there were so many expressions i just couldnt leave out. the deep breath ai di takes#steeling himself before admitting it. & the way chen yi absorbs it the way he blinks away & his mouth opens before focusing on ai di again#thinking about it. thinking about four years of attacks ai di had to withstand. understanding the way he is now but hating how its happened#and also the guilt hes gotta feel from that! & yet thats overcome in this moment by a need to not let ai di put a wall between them#which is what ai di keeps trying to do. he admits a vulnerable thing and then deflects FOUR TIMES in this scene. first when sleeping#& choking chen yi when woken(& avoiding when questioned abt it). second by dropping his guard & worrying when he finds chen yi injured#& twice more shown in this set. he has to shake it off he has to put his wall back up but his instincts are strongest & chen yi SEES them.#you can see the way ai di wants to relax into that hug. the way he just wants to BREATHE but instead uses those breaths to defend himself#he chooses to flirt hoping it'll make chen yi back off. hoping he'll stop asking him to be vulnerable. but chen yi knows his tricks now.#and hes not going to let ai di continue believing he doesnt CARE about him. its poetic the way he gives him a taste of his own medicine#like it's *strategic*. he watches and learns. he knows his own influence over ai di he knows that HE is ai di's weakness. it's..chef's kiss
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Pac: Take care of Ramon, take care of Richas, ok? See you on the other side, big boy.
Fit: [Laughs] Take it easy, big boy. Take it easy, big boy. Actually, nononono– You can't just say "big boy" and then just expect me to not drag you outta here. [Fit tries to lasso Pac] You're coming with me.
Pac: No, I need to leave!
Fit: You're coming with me. You are not dying today! You are not dying today!
Pac: I need to leave, Fit! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Ironmouse: Are you guys like, having sexy time?
Fit: There's homosexual activity going on Mouse, don't worry about us, ok?
Ironmouse: You guys, we don't have time to be gay right now.
[ Full Transcript ↓ ]
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Pac: I'm just here to say goodbye to you, Fit.
Fit: Goodbye? We're not– we're gonna be fine, we're going to get out of here, don't worry.
Aypierre: Yeah, don't worry!
Pac: I know, but like– I will sleep until the end, you know? I will pass through this moment sleeping, man. I won't be able to be awake for the moment.
Fit: [Laughs] You know, it's– I mean, if that's how you wanna go, but– I mean, that- I mean, isn't that bed kind of like.... I don't know, it's–
Pac: No no, I will be staying on the sofa, you know, I will be staying on the sofa.
Fit: Oh the sofa. Ok, that's a nice sofa! Yeah, that is a pretty nice sofa.
Pac: Yeah, it's a nice sofa right? No, yeah– I'm going to stay on the sofa, you know? So, since I will be going Fit... [Pac starts tossing Fit all his items]
Aypierre: [Not paying attention to their conversation] Is that bigger cell? I don't think it's a bigger- biggest one.
Fit: Oh... Thank you Pac, thank you.
Pac: Everything you need to survive, ok?
Fit: Wow.
Aypierre: Wow.
Pac: And if you need this one also, maybe, who knows? [Throws him more items]
Fit: Ohhh, well hey– just take this to remember me by, ok? [Tosses him a photo of himself – the same one Aypierre was carrying all day yesterday]
Pac: [Laughs] Ok, I will sleep holding the picture you know, like this. You know, I will dream about you, Fit. And I hope this is gonna be good dreams. I see you in the other side. Good luck, my friend.
Fit: The other side... Yeah, you know, yeah, we– we– you know? It's been an honor, Pac. It's been an honor, you know?
Pac: Yeah, for me too, you know? Take care of Ramon, take care of Richas, ok?
Fit: Ok.
Pac: See you on the other side, big boy.
Fit: I will sing your praise– Oh yeah, hey– [Laughs] Take it easy, big boy. Take it easy, big boy. Actually, nononono– You can't just say "big boy" and then just expect me to not drag you outta here. You're coming with me.
Pac: No, I need to leave!
Fit: You're coming with me. You are not dying today! You are not dying today!
Pac: I need to leave, Fit! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Fit: Sorry, there's–
Pac: I'm sorry!
Ironmouse: Are you guys like, having sexy time?
Fit: There's homosexual activity going on Mouse, don't worry about us, ok?
Ironmouse: You guys, you guys– we don't have time to be gay right now, come on. There's no time.
Pac: No, there's no time! Oh, goodbye Fit...
Fit: Ok, c'mon, no no no, come on, we got this we got this!
Pac: Goodbye Fit, I'm sorry!
Fit: [Laughs] Oh no...
#Pactw#FitMC#Hideduo#FitPac#QSMP#QSMP Prison#January 22 2024#So canonically how do you guys view this moment?#Did Pac just canonically conk out from stress?#Did he take sleeping pills on purpose to sleep through whatever awful thing was inevitably going to happen?#Curious to hear what other people think#I like to imagine the stress finally got to him#He spent the entire time trying to mirror things he saw Cell doing#and finally cried about it to Bagi#I can't blame him if he wants to sleep through the rest of it. Man's living in a place that's actively making him relive past trauma#Fit says he's carrying Pac in his backpack but I like to imagine that he just gave Pac a piggy back ride the entire way home :D#I imagined that for Purgatory too#it's cute#idk the whole idea of very traumatized characters being so comfortable around certain people#Idk the idea Pac feeling so safe around Fit#(despite being in a place that is actively stressing him out)#that he feels alright falling asleep and trusting him / Mike to protect him is sweet to me#Idk man I'm a big fan of the ''literal sleeping together'' trope#I love when characters take naps together it's so cute#esp when it's two traumatized characters with a lot of baggage / trust issues#It's nice#anyways I got way off topic with these tags LMAO sorry#I was gonna edit this down but I like the entire conversation so I'm leaving it as is#The YouTube editor living in my brain: Not great for viewer retension#Me: Shhhhhhhh I'm an Archivist. I can do whatever I want.
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Chase suffers in love but the other Norms still let him come to their little photoshoot
#shepherds of haven#lavinet naveen#shery acquell#trouble alder#riel syndran#chase trinaeste#LOL so I sketched Chase ages ago bc I have beef with him and he is the main man of some of my closest friends#and I just was like what if I drew all the other norms wrapped in blankets#it became everyone in jackets while Chase suffered but I think that’s funnier#it’s norm team building!!!!#originally trouble’s jacket was a denim bomber bc basically I just want him to wear a rugby uniform or anything worn by members of a-ha#but he looks rly nice in brown so#FIRST TIME DRAWING RIEL AHHHH my actual love#Halle would be crazy for riel as her small vicious pointy boyfriend but alas#but she can shape shift riel !!! pls!!!!!!!!#she is flattered he saw her as a dragon she felt rly seen in that moment lol but also just generally enjoys his company#I drew shery first but after I drew trouble she looked really washed out#It was driving me nuts and I couldn’t stand it - I had to go back in and saturate tf out of her layers and it looked better#lavinet got the same treatment actually#I really like lavinet and in my head she’s THICC with a wasp waist like just OOZES femininity#her and shery are accidentally looking at each other while riel is trying to stare through trouble’s soul#DONT FEEL BAD FOR CHASE ANYONE it’s SELF INFLICTED#the infamous trinaeste torpedo#love is hard chase !!!! it sucks !!!!!!!!#if I reframe Chase as being reluctant to fall in love bc he becomes a complete simp with lowkey yan behaviours I can rly get behind it#chase and Halle wouldn’t last long enough to sleep together unless she loses all confidence in herself as a woman bc wow her true love is#CLEARLY NOT INTERESTED OMG#she would hear him choose to f chase in fmk and would be like what do you have that I don’t#wouldn’t even hear the marry bit#anyway this was fun and actually came about bc I was drawing rly extra outfits for the mages and got tired aka couldn’t figure out what
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Prefect… Would you like me to teach you how to dance?
Oh, wow. Offering a private lesson, Jamil?
Don’t call it that-
♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ~
♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ♩ ♪ ~
♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ ~
♩ ♪ ~
♩ ~
they just kinda sorta lost track of time
#so book 5 has been on my mind lately#pining idiots in love is one of my favorite genres#[—✦-#-✧ my art#twst art#twst#twisted wonderland#jamil viper#jamil x yuu#twst oc x canon#twst yuu#twst yuusona#(💜) yuusha#(💜) curry noodles#-✦—]#i realized i havent drawn them that isnt some self-indulgent comic strip#now it's just a regular self-indulgent piece#anyways remember that one scene in book 5 where kalim opened up to us and we basically just told him “too bad rich boy go to sleep” 💀#and we havent gotten back to it since#that has been living in my head rent-free and i have SO much to say about it hngdsfhjds kalim my beloved you poor thing
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Originally, Bruce and Dick slept in the same bed.
I like to twist this around: Bruce, being a young parent, was VERY protective and worried about his boy who wants to go fight criminals with him, and it translated into him refusing to let Dick leave his side after difficult nights. Dick is hurt? He is sleeping in Bruce's bed. Dick isn't hurt but it was a close call? He is sleeping in Bruce's bed. Bruce just got scared but Dick was fine? He is sleeping in Bruce's bed. Dick is scared? He is sleeping in Bruce's bed. Of course, this led to Dick also refusing to leave Bruce's side when Bruce gets hurt or could have been hurt, so he also sleeps in Bruce's bed on these nights. And, as he grew up in a circus, always moving around, he is used to sleeping in his parents' arms or very close by, so it's normal for him.
So, Dick is often sleeping in Bruce's bed, cuddled up to Bruce. And as he grows up, he sleeps less and less in Bruce's arms, and he supports less and less Bruce's suffocating anxiety. Finally, he stops completely.
Some events make him wants to crawl back in his dad's bed (his multiple SA, the destruction of Bludhaven, the multiple times he thought Bruce died, etc...), but he never dares to. He is an adult now, and he fears Bruce would have a problem with it. Bruce is also not that welcoming toward physical affection since Jason's death (something Cass fixes, but that's another story). So, Dick doesn’t, even when he craves to.
Until Bruce is send back in time and believed dead. When he comes back, Dick just cannot stop himself, he needs to hold his dad, and he is so afraid Bruce will dissappear if he isn't touching him. He is holding him all evening long, and when it's time for bed, Bruce wordlessly goes to sleep holding Dick with one arm, the other around Tim. (Damian isn't close enough to Bruce yet to dare come sleep with them, Cass is in Hong-Kong, but she is jumping on a plane and will join the sleep-cuddle pile, Jason isn't back in the batfam yet but the possibility of losing Bruce scared him so bad, he is going to start to make efforts to not be on bad terms with them)
#bruce wayne#batman#dick grayson#robin#nightwing#batfam#dc comics#my ramblings#Jason also needed to sleep with Bruce anytime Bruce got hurt because it reminded him of his mom#and he was scared Bruce would die if he looked away#but Bruce had calmed down after his fight with Dick and wasn't making Jason sleep with him anytime he got scared#Bruce is a good dad but that doesn't mean he is perfect he is flawed#and I believed his fight with Dick is inevitable and important for both their character development#anyway about Cass she is very touch starve in Batgirl and JUST WANT A HUG FROM HER DAD like all her life she just wanted to be hugged#but only ever got training and violence growing up#so the moment Bruce shows her he will give her affection and hugs? she is hugging that man so much#and because she reads people so easily she knows he loves it and never hesitates to just jump on him for a hug#Let's go back to Jason he has a breakdown after battle for the cowl because he realizes his dad is GONE#when he sees Bruce again he is ugly crying behind the hood and he punches him to see if he's real#then he runs away because he isn’t ready to face his feelings#okay I need to stop talking about my batman canon#Dick as a kid: *scraps his knee* Bruce: *refusing to let go of him* What if it gets infected and HE DIES?!
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2 years, 3 months, and 13 days can make a lot of difference :]
(June 23, 2022 - October 5, 2024)
#Hi it’s being sappy about my own art hours#I love looking back at my old art sm#Look at past arlo! Look at them go! He was having so much fun!!#(And I still am having a ton of fun I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of drawing fable stuff lol)#I’m really glad I got past the phase of looking at my old art and being really embarrassed#cause now I love looking at it and seeing how far it’s come#And the fact that I draw portraits of Rae so often is actually useful lol I have basically a timeline of my art style via Rae portraits#Anyway I should probably sleep#rambling#my art
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“Sorry that it all went down like it did”
#hi! back at it with more highly specific art from The one The Only!#Apa au#Isa I am sorry I left out my true thoughts behind the scar on this one but I am trying to achieve wider lawlight audience appeal#speaking of:#death note#lawlight#light yagami#l lawliet#my art#anyway.#many a lawlight fight that dissolves into a week long stalemate ends with a shared bath#they make up in water every time I have decided#its a theme and its a motif#anyway. the whole plot of our au goes down in the song Motion Sickness by Phoebe Bridgers#also drawing this I learned I do not know a fucking thing about how to draw water or wet skin.#so uh maybe more bath art soon so I can learn to do that#thats all folks I feel like I am normally more insane in the tags#hmm#OH I know what I will over share#I think im like… going to get to into r*ck and m*orty. I liked it when I was like 13 and I was rewatching it for hahas when I couldn’t sleep#but im so scared guys that im going to get INTO it#like yesterday I felt the urge to draw fanart for it and I had to quickly slam my head on the desk until that idea went away#okay yeah this is a good amount of oversharing in the tags#I feel good
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Do people still use this kind of templates?
Anyway, my Chaggie headcanons :) disclaimer that this is just the way I interpret them, it’s 100% okay to disagree lol
#if I'm being honest here this has been done since June but I didn't feel like posting it lmao#will do this with my other ships and with other templates because it was sm fun :)#hazbin hotel#chaggie#rainbowmoth#fallenstar#charlie morningstar#vaggie#my art <3#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin hotel vaggie#art#ship template#chaggie ship template#understand my ship in 5 minutes#I'm very sane about them please trust me (lying)#also random info but I'm back at uni and this summer has been so busy for me it's like I haven't rested at all :') send help#I've been functioning on 4 hours of sleep for around 4 months now😭#things are going back to normal now (thankfully)#anyway rant over hope you're all doing well <33
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think i'm actually going to put in my two weeks tomorrow. im gonna DIEEEEE
#personal#like i genuinely want/need to leave but its soooo scary...ugh#<- mainly just bc i dont have a back up Yet#but im optimistic ill find something thats at the very least#more consistent than where im working now. and maybe#wont have cartoonishy evil upper management but idk#like ok. you wont give me an answer on if youre making me work the night before i have intense surgery#(the answer is yes bc of availability but they just wont admit it)#then dont even worry about it man <3 dont worry about it ever agaiN#gonna sleep on it. but its gotta happen. uuuufdklhgkdfgh#and i dont wanna spend all of post op worrying abt having to go back there#during the holiday rush. like this was already Gonna Happen#anyways. hello if you made it all the way down here. i hope you all are well
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ghost stares at the ceiling, chest heaving in a harsh pant; sweat ice on his clammy flesh and soaked into the sheet he restlessly kicks away.
ears still ringing, his fingertips blindly drift down to trail along his vivisection scar. he half-expects blood to smear in their wake. his own line of solomon, who ordered him split in twain; half of him given to a grieving mother and half left with the grieving to be.
just for both his broken halves to be rejected.
what did it make him that his mother grieved him more than she loved him? that she begged to be relieved of him more adamantly than she begged to receive him? why did his worth spill out with his drawn blood? why was his pain lesser than hers?
his hand flexes, digging into the raised scar like it’ll part beneath his fingertips to plunge into his mangled insides. no one knows the cruelty of reforming the halved; his name, his being, not nearly as important as his body when he was stripped from himself. no one knows the pain of healing and understanding losing pieces of yourself means losing your value along with them.
how many more pieces did he have to lose before he was halved once more? before his very presence incurred grief so strong it was better to be rid of him than cradle his bloodied remains?
did the infant fight himself? did he age always at odds with himself; his halves never truly whole? he hopes he wasn’t, that he was spared the loss of self; the fear that one may be welcomed over the other.
who will he lose when the inevitable comes? when he’s ripped apart again? simon? or ghost? is it better to be cursed with choice just like his mother or live with an aftermath chosen for him? does it matter if in the end, he convinces himself there was nothing of him left to lose?
his head lolls to the side and the wild buck of his chest slows. he watches johnny beside him, his face lax with the rare peace of sleep; his cheek squished against the pillow, his lips pursed as long breaths escape him.
johnny. soap. never torn asunder but two all the same.
he carefully reaches out and ghosts his fingers along the jagged scar on his chin. even in sleep, he presses into his bloodied touch. he’s never fled his half-flesh, never shies away from his gore as it spills unbidden from his cleaved torso. he holds on where his mother let him go; cups his stomach to hold his insides in place and never minds the blood that drips through his fingers.
simon will never let him become his own solomon and cannibalise himself. he will never let him question which half of him has more value; which pieces he can afford to lose before he’s cast aside.
ghost’s soap. simon’s johnny. his.
whole, in any incarnation.
#yall know the story of king solomon?#and the two mothers who claim a baby is theirs so he orders the baby cut in half so they can each have half of him?#well guess what woke me up out of a dead sleep and demanded to be written?#anyway roba showing simon clips of his mum on the news begging for the safe return of her boy#for the government to do something; /anything/ please she just wants her son back#just for ghost to dig himself out of simon's coffin and she can't bear to look at the man he's become#he's cold and afraid and hesitant and angry and in pain and so different from her little boy that it's just too difficult for her#he's a living breathing reminder that her simon didn't come back from the desert#and ghost has to live with the knowledge that his mum couldn't love him through anything#that maybe if he got himself out sooner if he was stronger or smarter or a better soldier... if he hadn't let simon die...#maybe he wouldn't have changed so much that she wouldn't look him in the eye and see a stranger#if you know anything about me by now you know i love the separation of the self and the person they become around others or bc of trauma#whether thats hizashi and present mic or simon and ghost its one of my absolute favourite tropes#and simon knowing hes become someone else and going home expecting to still be loved anyway?#just for this new version of himself to be rejected?#thats the moment he fractures into ghost#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#ghost call of duty#cod mw2#cod mwii#save post
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