#anyway a level really be like that huh
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donde es el biblioteca
(the last time i took a spanish lesson i was 6)
uhm *consults my a-level Spanish notes* Pedro Amodóvar was born September 25th 1949 and contributed greatly to “la movida madrileña”, a countercultural punk movement- yeah no I got nothing sorry.
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I wish the thieves had SOME kind of reaction to the Satanael awakening. Kinda wish we at least had RYUJI react to it….
I think its sooooo compelling to have Ryuji be the only person to witness BOTH awakenings; to see how much Akira and his will has grown since they first met. There was a raw, burning fury in Akiras core that recoiled at the injustice before him, and when given the tools to punish said injustice, eagerly accepted it with a wild, almost manic kind of intensity. I think it would be difficult for the others to truly grasp just how scary that was; that for a short moment, Ryuji couldnt pinpoint the cause of that rage, and the target of it. Akiras mellowed out alot since then, but its always in the back of Ryujis head; theres a side of their leader literally none of the thieves have or will ever see, and he doesnt really know how hes supposed to feel about that.
And now the airs charged in the same way he felt back in Kamoshidas palace; right as Akiras eyes widened at seeing him slammed against the wall. The blazing, untamed ferocity in his eyes from back then is replaced with a cool, calm, steely conviction. He knows his purpose; understands completely what his will screamed at him to understand back when it first started. This is the Akira the team knows, and its definitely the one Ryuji is used to now, but its insane to see the shift; insane to see the kind of power that simmered in Akiras core, literally too big and too overwhelming for past Akira to grapple with and set free.
Satanael comes down, and theres a moment, through all the excited screaming and hollering, where Ryuji can see it look right at him, and Ryuji is taken back to the floor of Kamoshidas Palace; not to the fear he felt when Arsene came forth incinerating everything, but immediately after, when Akira comes to with wide eyes and an outstretched hand- that bizarre feeling of safety, of knowing that this kid would have his back, and that hed never have to worry about where his place would be (its right beside him, obviously.)
#chattin#long post#pegoryu#OUGH#just thinking about Satanael leaning down to get at face level w everyone after the fight#and hes like#‘its been a pleasure to finally see you in person; chariot’#and ryujis like. finally?? HUH. *chuckles nervously* What Does That Mean.#like obv it is based off of hcs n shit but i like the idea that Satanael TRIED to awaken; like he was so EAGER to get out#and Akira was too new and still too scared to accept that (without realizing it)#so arsene is what manifested instead#like#akiras will reacted SO strongly to ryuji getting cornered that he almost skipped a stage#and satanael SAW the object of his (almost) awakening#hed be happy to see the guy who gave the trickster the strength to go through w awakening#and ryuji would be like im. sorry… but i think. i would remember. um. someone that uh. big.#hed be so flustered. like man. not again. i went through ONE awakening and took weeks to be normal again.#do i really have to go through it again? really? really ????????#anyway. rambling#ryuji was a disaster through BOTH of akiras awakenings. hes relentlessly teased about it forever
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Okay Benrey making a deal with Bill Cipher is actually really fucking funny, though, because even if Benrey's eyes have always been yellow (or hell, even slitted), NO ONE would fall for Bill's bs for even a second. Cuz there is no one like Benrey. Bill is a TERRIBLE actor, man, I do not think he could pull off a Benrey impression if he took a semester on it.
At least with Ford, he just had to stay up late and do math. With Bipper, he had the excuse of Dipper being a kid and everyone being too distracted with the puppet show to really notice. Blendin just had to be anxious-adjacent long enough to get the Rift.
There is NO WAY Bill would be able to pull Benrey's "idgaf" attitude AT ALL. Bill is too expressive for it. He'd walk into a room with too much energy and everyone would be onto him before he even said anything.
Then he opens his mouth and says a moderately normal sentence and it's joever
#dimond speaks#gf crossover#benrey#bill cipher#i can imagine bill trying to play up benrey's hands-off attitude but he would make a show about it#like 'oh no i dont care i'm gonna go stand over here and just watch you' and everyone's like Huh#or he'd play into the random shit benrey says without realizing that there IS a train of thought there- just really REALLY hard to follow#so he says something TRULY random like 'rainbows are actually squares' while talking about blood or something#and everyone would be like ????? huh?????#not to mention i think dr coomer would just Know something is off due to npc rules#like as soon as benrey and bill shakes hands dr coomer just Knows (even on that subconscious level he has sometimes)#yknow like him knowing exactly what year it is despite the game taking place in the 2000's or releasing in 1998#anyway. i'll shut up fgsahdj
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Just curious what the average level of personal investment in these sorts of things is. Like, how much do people usually get into silly stuff like this their friends ask of them? etc. etc. Which I know, only surveying a small sample on a very specific website means I'm not getting an exact average idea lol, but.. curious nonetheless .. Maybe reblog for bigger sample size but also this is not very serious at all/not worth a call to action gbhjbhjb
#which I know this could be context dependent like.. maybe you'd normally dress up but on a week that#you feel sick you wouldn't or etc. etc. - but I mean.. GENERALLY. in the most general average scenario#where you have the average amount of health and free time that you always do. etc. just based on your personality#and level of investment in these things - what on AVERAGE are you most inclined to do#also of course assume they communicate with you ahead of time and are not like planning a part last minute#like 'throw together costume in 5 hours and show up tonight randomly' or etc. I would hope that if we're going with the#AVERAGE of things - most people's friends have better communication skills than springing entire parties#on people last minute lol#assume you have like.. a few days-a week or so to prepare. however ealrly people usually start talking about#birthdays. In my experience it's usually one or two weeks ahead of time. Like 'oh next weekend' or 'oh two weeks from now' etc.#ANYWAY.. feeling a little Sick again of course but still trying to get some photos or something posted#AGAIN i promise I am not going to exlcusively post polls and ntohing else forever hgkjgnekj#I just really really love the ability to post polls and have always my whole life been obsessed with surveying people#I used to think I wanted to do that as a career somehow like.. be one of the people that does psychological interviews#or produce interview asessments for a company or etc. etc. I am always the one friend in the group thats giving out custom made#surveys or asking for other simialr stuff (did you ever take an mbti quiz? how about enneagra#m?? oh yeah I know they're not really scientifically valid or antyhing but like... DID you take them?? huh?? did you??please?? ghjj)#I simply cannot resist.. posting a little poll every once in a while.. as a treat#whilst I still fall behind on like actual content and costumes and stuff gbjhbjh#New poll adventure should be not as much of a wait as the last one was though since I already have the writing#for it really. I just have to do the ms paint sketch. hopefully no unexpected other health issues will get in the way#*** *** ***#< (anytime I do these three star patterns it is an ocd compulsion not me bleeping out words or something just ignore it lol)#(it means something secret in my evil brain just pretend you do not see it. significant only to me)#BUT YEAH.. ... poll... what type of costume party atendee are you?#:0c
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Hey, do you remember that really homoerotic scene from Skyfall? No? That's okay, here's a Vettonso version of it :)
- explanation & w/o text:
Hi hello, finally my weird psychosexual relationship with Casino Royale has come to fruition. Yeah this is directly based off a scene from Skyfall, but I def envision the vibe as being more like Casino Royale hehe. I can't believe I made that inspo board for this AU almost 4 weeks ago, and then ended up drawing a four panel "comic" about it. Ahhhh proud of myself, a bit, a tad. I think this took 20+ hours across the span of a week? God. Anyways I digress! The AU!!
First of all, their Bond song would be "My Way of Life" by Frank Sinatra. It's so toxic, codependent and obsessive, I'm in love with it. And it really suits Fernando and his motivations and outlook in this AU. Basically, MI6(in the context of James Bond) in this AU is an analog for Ferrari. It picks theses guys up, tells them that they're Ferrari MI6's most special boy, chews them up, and then spits them out when they're finished extracting all their talent and skill and life force.
Much like with Ferrari, Seb in this AU replaces Fernando after Fernando loses favor and becomes undesirable. Now Seb is the new golden boy, and Fernando has turned to a life of crime! Fernando resents Seb for this of course, but also becomes obsessed with him and the idea of him , and how they are connected. It's weird to watch someone else basically go down your exact same path and unknowingly make all the same mistakes(buying into the mysticism of it all too much, being overly cocky, having naive beliefs and goals, etc.) He is caught between wanting to doom Seb even more but also wanting to "save" him, by corrupting him and convincing him to work together.
Basically: He's both a Bond girl and Bond villain.
Fernando is in such a weird place in this AU. I think he's just very dramatic. Seb is just casually living his best 007(005?) life, and Nando is watching him with binoculars, whispering to himself: "DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE NARRATIVE FOILS!?" Yeah he hates Seb, but like the song lyrics say, their lives and dreams are inherently tied up together. He would feel lost without Seb, because Seb basically, unknowingly, destroyed and then took over his life. Maybe he'll feel satisifed if he manipulates Seb into going down the exact same path a bit better.
About the drawings themselves. Still can't believe this scene is a real thing that actually happened, insane to me. But in this AU, after the events of these drawings, Fernando definitely kicked all his henchman out of the room, and fucked Seb in the chair. And then against the wall. And then on the floor. Hey man, Seb is already looking mighty delicious with his unbuttoned attire and being tied up.
I think the general plot would be that Fernando keeps trying to seduce him to the dark side, and Seb keeps making him think it worked, only to escape at the end of the encounter. Leading Fernando to just come up with increasingly more violent and kinky traps. Seb goes along with it(read: enjoys it), leaving Fernando satisifed, only to somehow escape and wink and make kissy faces at Fernando in the process. (Fernando smoking cigarette in bed: "How do I make him stay. Sigh.")
I like to think though that Fernando does win in the end, by realizing, ah wait shit I do need to actually explain my motivations to Seb. And Seb is so worn down by his job, not Fernando, and how he's being treated, that he listens, really actually listens, and realizes Fernando does really have valid reasons. And then they become evil crime husbands yayyyy. Wow you thought this was a espionage AU? Well it is, but just not the outcome you'd expect.
#ah well this was certainly a project....#rn i feel like im devolving into illness so im glad i could finish this up before it possibly gets worse#this is my magnum opus as of rn. just bcs ive not really drawn such a longform thing for them!! happy w it :)#i think i def like the first one the best#it made me suffer so bad but i think i soften on my own art after a few days#like i finish it and know its 'good' but cant help but critique every little thing#but ive had that one done for almost a week so now i look at it and really love it#i was originally just going to draw that one only but then realized i really like the full dialog so. might as well.#generally i liked this though bcs even if it ws difficult. it was nice to have really direct and clear reference#like ah ik where im going w this rather than it being an image in my head that i cant represent the way that I want#ah anyways all my vettonso aus tend to be just wanting to explore specific dynamics of theirs#and this one is basically how i feel about their mutual relationship to the institution of ferrari and how it affects their dynamic#basically: THEY'RE MIRRORS!!!#there's always something to be said abt nando being resentful abt seb bcs of 2010/2012/etc and then seb taking his seat at ferrari#but then witnessing seb basically go thru the same trials and tribulations and failures at ferrari#and realizing huh wait maybe he's not who i was villianizing him as. maybe hes at my level too. maybe he's not infallible. maybe hes like m#a very bitter nando who has to fight btwn his impulse to ruin seb further or to relate to him and start to like him#so yeah that's ^ basically what i want to portray in this au(just like all AUs tbh)#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#catie.rambling.txt#catie.art.#vettonso#bond au
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Crazy how I can recount something from my adolescence about how I was raised and still manage to make my therapist (who I have been seeing for Years) still go Oh. That's... 😶
Like obviously professional quick recovery style but like. Has an immediate grounding effect and gives eye opening perspective in point zero seconds. Like ooooohh. You see, I was operating under the impression that like, this is a fairly run of the mill and expected experience for someone like me with my lived experiences. Like I could just say this and anyone would know exactly what I'm getting at without needing to provide all the details and thought processes at play here.
Hm. Well,
#like yeah everybody is at least aware of how my mom thinks and why she would think that way#if you have any familiarity with like the specific christianity we're working with here.#then i said something about how lying by omission was treated on the same level as lying#if not WORSE actually because that meant you'd be lying about lying. so you're punished more harshly for it#i said all that as like. really standard thought crime and morals about honesty stuff. like everyone knows this.#then i got hit w the Ohhh. that's. and i'm just like. oh. maybe i should elaborate huh#i genuinely thought we were working w the same level of background information here. okay let's back up#anyways. very special shoutouts to everyone who was so kind to me actually about my recent posts#i was gonna get silly but like genuinely. i am so relieved at the responses i got.#i feel like i can have a little more faith in myself and my work now. thank you
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perhaps one day i will post all my insane little thoughts about shou and ritsu and strength (and skill vs power). but not right now it’s been too long since i’ve rewatched the claw arcs or confession arc
#mp100#mp100 spoilers#(<- for safety)#but yeah basically it’s like. i’d argue that psychic strength has two main components: power and skill#where power is the amount of raw energy you can output at once/your energy store#and skill is your ability to use it precisely/creatively/well#like for instance. i see shou as not actually having much Power (maybe teru level output? but his energy storage ability makes up for it)#but being EXTREMELY skilled- maybe one of the most skilled espers in the whole show! (especially wrt his lateral thinking)#so when he said ‘im just as strong as the ultimate 5’ he was conflating power with skill#i do believe he was as skilled as the ultimate 5. but definitely not as strong.#(toichirou on the other hand has the same skills shou does but with OVERWHELMING amounts of power)#(i fully believe shou knew ways to counter every technique toichirou pulled out but was just. overwhelmed by the sheer Power of those moves#(like he wasn’t able to use his counters because of the overwhelming force)#(this is also why mob doesn’t need techniques- once you hit a certain level of power you don’t really need that much skill)#ritsu on the other hand i see as having a good amount of power (under serizawa level but not far) but with a lack of skill#(and an inconsistent output level)#wow i really just made the whole post in the tags anyways huh. lmaooo
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Realizes that Touga (the "Anthy" of Saionji) is in love with Utena, while Saionji (the "Utena" of Touga) is in love wth Anthy.
Kills self instantly.
#these allegorier allegories are truly the allegoriest huh.#rgu#revolutionary girl utena#i just want touga to get therapy and reconcile with nanami and say sorry.#and suck sloppy dick from each other with saionji if touga is comfortable with that after therapy bc like. nobody has really asked him this#like. ITS NOT TOO LATE. YOURE NOT AKIO LEVEL EVIL YET. YOU HAVE A HEART. YOUR BODY IS NOT A VESSEL TO WHICH ACTIONS ARE DONE. AAAAAAAAAAAAA#anyway i think touga and anthy and kozue and shiori should have started a witch union or whatever. i don't know#they could build the torment nexus together.#yeah im rewatching rgu again. instead of watching the rgu visual novel letsplay. im dying. man.
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goodxnight guys~~~
#completely forgot that there was another lxl interview back from when the [redacted] anime had just finished airing lmao#it’s from the same feature in which the [redacted] anime director outright said that thing about mona lol#(as in: the ‘mona’s a popular character with a fleshed out backstory but she’s just hiyori’s therapist friend in this loloops’ thing)#i was in such an upset disbelief about it at the time that i completely forgot about the lxl interview man… 2k22 sure was *a* year huh#maybe i’ll get to this interview on either wednesday or this weekend… i need to prepare my lxl tling mindset for the album interview lol#(im still unsure if the magazine will ship lmfao it’s been processing for a g e s [read: 3 days] since i bought it lmao)#(either way i think itll only come in earliest by this weekend bc im still waiting for my nghy impulse purchase standees too)#(and even if it does come i wanna tl the kawaikute gomen vol 1 bonus manga first [if it actually arrives])#(women’s wrongs are always top priority yk~~~~?)#(though. haha… i think i’ll have the entire hw manga collection when my next batch of purchases come in… s o b s my storage space—)#(the dolce manga exist as just ebooks in my collection thoughhhh. the dolce manga is p much the perfect mix of crack and tragedy tbh)#(like. there are scenes with girisha and his *girisha-ness* b u t there are also scenes with fuuma and his heartbreaking backstory)#(re-reading my (frankly) bad tl of ‘happy’ (shiina chapter) doesn’t make me happy at all.)#(i should really get round to reworking it these days… like the fonts and such are *atrocious*)#b u t i digress anyway lxl old interview tl (maybe) coming soon this week depending on exhaustion levels sorry for clogging the dash gn guys
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all pokemon games are good but they are not all equally as good
send post
#pokemon#as a person who has played pretty much every main pkmn game in some capacity#i can find things in them that are worth praise#but like obviously they can't all be the same level of good. there are so many factors to a pkmn game to be balanced#some have a great region. some have a great story. some have just a solid gameplay experience. all of them have great music lol#i could even play devil's advocate and praise bdsp for being a truly faithful remake and pretty incredible for a studio first Real game#but mainly i keep thinking like. everyone has shat on the new pkmn games ever since gen 5 especially#but then over time people are like Huh they aren't so bad after all#like once you get out of the gamehate wormhole generated by inflammatory social media posting you can appreciate a thing more#and there may still be people out there who think red/blue are the best ones. and y'know they have a point#even though objectively those games were littered with bugs to the point where some normal mechanics were not correct#and things just got more complicated and sophisticated with abilities and new types and better moves and stuff#the original games are absolute Miracles to have been made at all and for what they're worth they were Revolutionary#it was a simpler time but the ideas put forth were still pretty complex. especially considering this was the First One#this is the foundation all pokemon games thereafter rose from. and it's a pretty solid foundation despite all the hardships#anyway. i love pokemon. and i love that even after all this time - over 25 years - its spirit from back in 96 still remains in some form#it may not be about catching em all anymore. because physically that's really hard to do with over 1000 guys now#but it's still about finding joy in following a dream of adventure with a bunch of cool animal friends#and sometimes you save the world a little bit. that's p cool
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guess who's computer is going back to the shop again! 👉 this guy 👈
#just me hi#it may not have been my fault this time but nobody is sure lmaoo#the last time was an accident but yea on me. the first time wasn't even me that was my brother (accident)#it just shut down on me and she won't turn back on so. 4 more months of warranty coming through for me lolll#mostly unhappy abt my wips likely going to on pause for 1+ months and/or the ones i didn't have backed up getting wiped :(#and i was really happy with this thing i was writing recently.. bloooo#oh well. things happen lmfshf#/ouhrrrr my wipssssssssss [<- laying on the ground face down]#tryna just focus on my minecraft worlds that are abt to get nuked for the Second ✌️ time#cuz the level of devastation that's gonna cause is not even close to equal. dude it's gonna explode forever lmfshf#My Stufffffffffffff [<- started thinking about it]#not my stuff mannnnnnnnn#i don't collect stuff or enjoy trinkets very much but ik i'm particular abt keeping my files intact for the unpredictable future and Brothe#at least last time the damn thing turned on so i could back stuff up. Not this time! big screw you to keeps this time. which is fair tbqh#//anyway yea phone era is back guys lmaooo#might post some traditional doodles from the past year i never got around to doing anything with. who knows !!#ik there's for sure stuff i like i just don't rember where it is. or what it is. Kfshdhs#anyway phone autocorrect is killing me. what if i Like typing in lowercase huh! huh !!#//lol but yeah i'm gonna scoot :)#gotta have breakfast n i might be calling a guy for a job later so 👍#big things! breakfast Is such a chore hfbshf#okay toodles!!! toodles !!! [waving my hankie]
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i kinda think part of why people treat donnie as less caring than he is is like. sometimes not knowing when he's joking? like that time he threatens to be "semi-lethal" when splinter's in the truck with meat sweats. like i'm sure most of you knew he was joking but like. do some of you realise he like, would not have done that? like remember how he was sad? when splinter actually got hurt? same with leo in the movie? and all of them at every other time?
like he's self proclaimed funniest. and also a mad scientist aesthetic doesn't make a character a villain by itself it's what you actually do with that (yes he has done bad things within that area (haunted stare towards mind meld) but you have to admit he like. did fix those. and feel bad and hopefully learn his lesson but hey that's another analysis)
i have mixed feelings on villain donnie stuff, as an example, because like. ANY character put in a situation where they lose their way is really fun and if in character is really interesting as to what could cause that.
but when it's treated as like. inevitable. who he is, or phrasing his brothers are the only thing stopping him being evil. it's like hm. ugh. kind of hurts a bit actually but that's probably because i relate to him ghfdjk
like the seen in snow day with the tech bo chainsaw like. all he really DOES is cut a snowman there but he's just like. leaning into being "evil" with the chainsaw but like he's just being silly with it. acting like that's proof of anything is wild to me, without any other data points.
also kind of separate but i think there's a dissonance between what is like. seen as evil? between me and like most people lol. like the scene in the movie as well with like "finally, man and machine, entwixt in perfect bionic synergy" someone i watched it with was like "haha evil moment" or whatever where i was just like. yeah real that would be rad as hell. honestly gender also.
not saying he's never done anything wrong but i am saying he immediately tries to fix all of those things
anyway he does have a really interesting relationship with morals in my eyes but like, at his core he really cares about people, you know?
this isn't hate to anyone btw i just care about donnie a lot as a character and as really layered autistic representation
#rottmnt#rottmnt donnie#donnie analysis#making that a tag now because i know what i'm like#rottmnt analysis#i can write so much about donnie. idk if it's good. or accurate. but i can write it#unrelated but it's so funny when people say donnie's cishet or homophobic even (the latter as a joke but. not my type of humor personally)#and then say he's villain coded. like lol. i laugh. i know it's probably different sets of people for the most part but yeah#especially if they compare him to megamind specifically. like okay#megamind famous bisexual neurodivergent and you know. no longer even a villain at the end#like i'm not saying you're wrong i'm saying that it's actually more than just surface level theater kid stuff there (that too though)#like donnie has people who care about him from the start. they're not “keeping him in check” (yikes?) they're caring about him. nuance#but yeah like. genuinely i think it's interesting how he's seen as villain-coded#like i know villains and queer-coding is a known thing but i'm just wondering. is that also a thing with autistic-coding#or do people just naturally not get autistic people in real life and find them scary and that just carries across in responses to fiction#idk#donnie villain fic where he sees how he's perceived anyway by fanon and just gives up on being good#joke but i guess you can steal that just write it well if you do. for me. idk if it'd even be a villain concept really there#he'd probably just be like. sad. and try even harder to be good.#also what about mikey villain fics huh. there's literally a cut episode that would be so fun to play with#anyway feedback appreciated#this was so train of thought i'm sure some of it's unclear
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I know I've already bitched about this but it's so frustrating that if it was just my glass cannon rogue, who was designed on purpose to get in over his head and be chewed up and spit out in combat, dying very badly over and over I'd be having fun
#LIKE. this isn't about 'oouuughh you're not allowed to hurt my little guy in the Guys Getting Hurt Game 🥺' like a whinerbaby#this is about the feeling of overwhelming futility as a PLAYER that apparently we're not even capable of leaving town without getting killed#intentionally knocking over an elaborate domino setup vs someone carelessly bumping the table with their ass and going 'oops 😰'#how are we supposed to plan our next moves or gauge what might be within our skillset if EVERYTHING is OUT of our skillset#if felix is getting bitten in half it should be because he's 44 inches tall and has +0 constitution and should stay out of melee but didn't#you know?#and on a less character-personal level if every little thing we do is a literal deadly encounter then how can we possibly raise the stakes#session three random wolf encounter is too hard for us to handle?? oh man if we try to engage with any kind of plot we're REALLY fucked huh!#so far-- in combat AND out of it-- the gameplay of this campaign has said repeatedly and resoundingly 'no you can't'#sucks. feels bad. can't find answers about the mysteries can't find a new plot hook can't set foot outside town without dying#well okay. cool adventure. I'm looking SO hard for stuff to engage with and the world just keeps telling me no#SIGH.#... anyway we're playing tomorrow lol yeehaw#we'll see....... what happens.#about me#my OCs#felix
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It’s so easy to forget that The Social Experiments was, above all else, chats experiment, was Showfall experimenting with the audience, that Hetch ran this whole thing and Ranboo was the lone Hero put through the horrors and Hetch’s main goal wasn’t even fully focused on him, it was how the audience would react and what the audience would decide. That was the real test. And man, did we pass with flying colors
#Ranboo mentions it as an aside in one of the original follow-up streams and I forgot about it till I had it on in the bg and reheard it#screaming clawing violence biting it never mattered what he did never mattered what he wanted it was ALL in the hands of Hetch and chat#OTL (despairing) it was never about him it was never ABOUT him but it was ALL about him#I know it’s obvious how hopeless from the start the whole thing is for the Cast and the Hero but that doesn’t mean I can’t have brainworms#like charlie asks. are you even you right now? is this what YOU want?#we can’t know. we don’t know. we don’t know how exactly Showfall control works but it doesn’t seem to take away personality entirely#even if it shifts it to be pointed somewhere else (think sneeg going from a bitch to Ranboo to literally everyone else after The Hat)#the hero was right to be scared of us even if he didn’t exactly know the real reason why he was#I think that’s prolly the first time they’ve implemented a chat/audience and put the hero under that level of outright choice nullification#because they give him the illusion that he’s able to make choices. that’s he’s more than a stage prop#Hetch is a fucker but man is he smart the way he set the show up this time around when we can see it I lovehate it sm#I should probably stop tagrambling for now huh#anyway lol man I love genloss hey did you guys know I really like genloss#robot rambles#genloss#generation loss
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the algorithm is never more apparent to me than when I see a youtuber I watch in the chat of another youtuber I watch
#kayla says jumpscare in a foreign man video#or jacob drawfee mentioning a pricklyalpaca video#(which was inspired by one of jacob’s speed paint videos)#or seeing whatalsaid in a moderngurlz comment section#like damn#we’re really all just hanging out in the same room huh#the algorithm is playing you 24/7 lmao#it feeds into your biases#if your social media sucks#that’s largely your fault bro#just watched an FD video recently that said that#if your social media sucks and you complain about that#you’re really just telling on yourself and exposing who you are#(paraphrasing)#and it’s like yeah lmao#my social media experience is largely great these days#(instagram my beloathed)#anyway#and this is not the same as a collab#because that’s like a different level y’know#it’s their own little group#but when it’s like I described above#it’s like oh hey!!#it feels more…..#equalizing??? I guess???#idk how to explain it lol#there’s probably a parasocial element to it
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im so fucking mad at myself and my stupid fucking coping mechanisms and that it took me this fucking long to realise im a people pleaser and not only that but the most pathetic kind - the kind that doesnt *actually* manage to please anyone lol
#im so pissed today for no reason#it is toxic it is manipulative and none of it is actually what i want but oh well. guess mom was right lol#or maybe it IS the direct effect of her regularly telling me im evil and a monster (which are NOT words people use in real day to day life#like please lol and lmao but that's what you get when your mother's a stage actress)#so maybe my whole modus operandi now is trying desperately to prove to people that i am nice and kind and understanding#and that you can trust me and turn to me for help and i will do my silly little terminator like psychoanalysis of what you need the most#and try to give it to you until it exhausts me to the point where i completely withdraw and alienate myself#but at that point its already too late for either of us :)#see i can do it myself i dont need a therapist to tell me that. have fun on your vacation babygirl.#ill still be the worst person ever when you come back <33333#anyway. huh. what a day huh (its 2pm)#anyway as cartoonish edgy emo dementia raven way as it sounds. i really need to stop letting people get close to me.#surface level fun casual 'friendship' or dont bother.
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