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sidlyrics · 2 years ago

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【Hamamatsuchou→Tamachi】 Since Aki was around Hamamatsuchou, we went for a walk together 【Yamanote line #26】

This is a translation of this video of Shinya (Dir en Grey) and Aki. The official subs are up, but they were posted after I had done more than half of the translation, so I decided to finish it anyway.

When Aki was talking about his beliefs, the part about the cardinal directions was super confusing to me (not just the vocabulary, but the concept), so I’ll try to ask him to explain and hopefully correct any possible misunderstandings (update: I asked and still didn’t understand lmao).

Shinya: Hi! It's me, Shinya! Today's plan for our weekly walk around the Yamanote line is brought to you from Hamamatsuchou station. Cameraman: Let's go! Shinya: It seems that this is the main entrance. Cameraman: We were sort of passing by. Shinya: Right. Today the weather is great. Cameraman: It is. Shinya: Wait a sec. There's someone there... Cameraman: Huh? Shinya: What the...? He's checking the angle of view. Cameraman: He looks a little familiar, though. Let's go check. Shinya: Let's see. Cameraman: I get the feeling that I've seen him before. Shinya: It does feel that way. It's the silhouette, right? Look! He's still doing that. Ah, the view, the trains... He's trainspotting! He’s checking the wind. Aki: Eh? What are you doing here, Shinya? It's been a long time, right? Shinya: It's Aki from SID. Aki: Yes, I'm Aki from SID. Why are you at my most private spot? Shinya: On the contrary, what were you doing? Aki: At 2pm on Mondays... Shinya: Waiting for the shinkansen? Aki: I'm cultivating my sensitivity everyday. Shinya: I'll be walking now to Tamachi. Aki: Isn't that great? I don't know the area at all. Shinya: Do you want me to show you around? Aki: Cool. Shinya: First of all, that's Tokyo Tower. Aki: I see. Speaking of which, it’s a good example, right? Shinya: Then let's go that way. Aki: Do you know its height? Shinya: Around 333 meters. Aki: You actually knew it, didn't you? Shinya: No way was I expecting Aki to be up there. I'm glad I looked up. Aki: Right. The only place I know in Hamamatsuchou is that railroad switch. Speaking of Daimon station, I have a memory... We met for the first time at the house of a certain senior of mine, right? Shinya: Yes, yes. Aki: The area around these stations, you know, didn't it often become our base of operations? Like a meeting spot. That was just a natural development, right? Cameraman: That was the first time you two met? Aki: The house of that senpai... Shinya: Well, but for me it was a junior... Aki: I don’t have to hide his name. It was Kagerou, right? So actually we first met at Daisuke's house. Cameraman: Ah, so you met there. Aki: We've been good friends since then. Shinya: It was more than 10 years ago. Aki: Absolutely. Wasn't it even longer ago? Shinya: Around 20 years. But SID was still an indie band. Aki: Right. That's a long time... We saw each other and all that in many different places, right? Shinya: Yes, yes. Cameraman: I definitely also have the impression that you two get along really well. Aki: We really do. Cameraman: Plan-wise, we were originally going to go along the railroad track, right? We might as well go there. Shinya: To a place like a shrine. Cameraman: Let's calmly go there. It doesn't feel like a detour, so I say that today we head towards Tamachi station from there. Aki: This looks like a place to grab a drink along the way. Shinya: I've never tried it [in his videos]. Aki: Is it not okay? Cameraman: We rarely go in shops. Aki: Ah, okay. Are you busy? Shinya: Not at all. It was my birthday the other day. Aki: Ah, that's right. Shinya: But there wasn't much else. Aki: It was my birthday as well! Shinya: I sent him a message on LINE on the day. Aki: Was it on LINE? Shinya: Yes. Aki: I see, I see. Shinya: There was no reply. Aki: It's just that I just... I replied just now. Yeah, now... This... That's a lame excuse, right? Got it! I'll treat you to a taiyaki. I'll give you a taiyaki as a present. Ah, oops. I don't have my wallet with me. My manager has it. Then, it's fine if I choose based on my impression of Shinya, right? Shinya: Let's try it out once. Aki: I guess it'll be this one. Shinya: That's right. Aki: Excuse me, one of custard, please. [replying to the shop assistant] Yes. Since the cashless payment method that I have is not supported, can I borrow 280 yen? Shinya: I don't have cash either, so which electronic methods can we use? Shop assistant: auPay and tadaima Tokyo+. Aki: Ah, I see. Shinya: Thank you. Who uses that? I don't have cash either. Aki: I see, then, wait. It may work with auPay, I might have around 1000 yen. It may be my first chance to use it. Shinya: It's auPay or tadaima Tokyo+. Aki: It may be possible! Wait, here, maybe... The balance... Ah, there are even 3000 yen! [to the shop assistant] With auPay, please. Shop assistant: Okay, thank you. Shinya: What's auPay? It's the first time I hear about it. Aki: Why? Why do I have 3000 yen? So here it is. Please, take it. Cameraman: A sense of walking the streets, amazing. Shinya: I've been given a birthday present. Cameraman: Birthday present! It's a taiyaki! It's at the corner of this intersection. Ah, have you tried it? Shinya: Yes. Cameraman: How is it? Shinya: Very hot. Cameraman: Ah, Aki as well. How is it? Good? Aki: Yeah, it's good. Cameraman: It's a sudden feeling of walking the streets. Shinya: Isn't it like when we ate the pandas somewhere? Cameraman: Yes. That's it, maybe. Shinya: Right. Cameraman: Are both your taiyaki filled with custard? Aki: Yeah, they are the same. To show our good relationship. Cameraman: Shinya, is it good? Shinya: Yes. It's hot, though. Cameraman: All you say is that it's hot. Shinya: Because I'm sensitive to heat. I'm super sensitive to heat. Is that gate Shibadaimon by any chance? Cameraman: That's what it looks like. Shinya: That's Zojoji temple. Aki: Is it? Shinya: That's already well known. Aki: Ah, a road safety tablet. Shinya: For luck. Aki: Right. Cameraman: Excuse me for disturbing. Shinya: Excuse me for disturbing. Aki: Are you the type to do things like going to a temple on New Year? Shinya: No, I never go. Aki: You don't?! Aaaah... Cameraman: Aren't you going for Hatsumode [visiting a shrine for the first time after the New Year]? Shinya: Because I'm a person who thinks there are no gods. Aki: Really? Shinya: Yes. Aki: I see. Actually, in my case... Doing things right, getting good things to happen, following a good direction from the place in my life where I'm currently at... How to be in a position for good things to happen... Yeah, about that... It is said that you should do things such as going to a temple that is in the direction you've taken. This year I had to go to the east anyway, so I went to Saruda shrine, which is at the end of Chiba prefecture. I got purified. Since last year was a calamitous year for me and this one is also dangerous [when men reach 42, calculated by the traditional method, according to which children are born already being one, it is believed that it's an unlucky age. The year after that is also dangerous. Aki is now 42, so he is in his dangerous year after the most unlucky year], I’d better do it. Shinya: I've had my unlucky year, but it finished without me doing anything. Aki: Really? Shinya: It finished well. Aki: Ah, really? I see. On second thought... Cameraman: You are basically fine? Shinya: Yes. Aki: That's true... Since your ideas are solid already, you say there are no gods? Shinya: Exactly. Cameraman: But have you ever gone for Hatsumode, Shinya? Shinya: In the past. Cameraman: You went. Shinya: I did it for some reason. Aki: But today will be your Hatsumode, of course. Shinya: A magnificent gate. Aki: But it seems that it's best not to record without permission, right? Shinya: Wow, it was great, wasn't it? Cameraman: It was. Aki: It was. It made an impact. Shinya: It did. Aki: You can see at the same time the Tokyo Tower and the main temple building, that's quite a combination. That's unique to Tokyo, right? Shinya: Certainly. Aki: It feels like a temple in Tokyo. What number am I today more or less? Shinya: Are you talking about the guests? Aki: Yes. Shinya: One, two, three... You are the fourth! Aki: The fourth? So it's not been long since you started. Shinya: No, I'm already finishing. Aki: Finishing? Shinya: Yes. Aki: What do you mean you are finishing? Shinya: Well, I basically do it by myself, but I have guests every once in a while for this Yamanote line project. Aki: Ah, I see, I see. You don't have guests every time? Shinya: That's it. Aki: Aaaah. Cameraman: It's just a coincidence, even with Mana. Aki: Should I call them guests, then? Shinya: All of them by chance. Aki: I also do this [looking at trains while doing the hand gesture from the beginning] every week. I do it every week at that spot. Shinya: I don't think I'll go there anymore, though. Cameraman: It's pretty, right? Shinya: Tokyo Tower is amazing. It feels like I can reach it, you know. Aki: It's nearby, but... I've been called before to come here from Atsugi. Shinya: When we met, you came from Atsugi. Aki: A great night. Right, I was in Atsugi. Shinya: How long does it take? Aki: Mmm... I think it takes around 2 hours. Shinya: Is that so? Aki: It's a little over an hour to Shinjuku. And from my home there is a bus which is 15 minutes to the station, so I'd go to Shinjuku and from there I'd also ride that train. If I have to walk, it would be around 2 hours? 2 hours, maybe? If we started at the same time from Shinagawa station, we could go further than Shizuoka and more or less arrive at Nagoya. I would say that's the distance. Isn't it amazing? Shinya: Well, it is what it is. Aki: Right, right. Shinya: Have you lived in the same house for several years? Aki: Yes, for quite a while. Since COVID started, I made various changes to the soundproofing and other things in my studio room so that I could do online lives. I do them at night. I also work then. Shinya: Before COVID, didn't you have things such as a soundproofed door and so on? Aki: I did, I did. It will be seen during lives, right? The general image of the room was too seedy. I thought that I would improve it a little. It was DIY, though. I worked hard. It took reasonable expenses, it's a waste to move. Wouldn't it be annoying? Shinya: Since you have never come before... Aki: Right. Shinya: to my house even though we are good friends... Cameraman: Eeeeh? Aki: It's true. I've never been to Shinya's residence. Cameraman: I had the impression that a lot of people are coming and going to Shinya's house. Shinya: Right, right. Even though everyone is coming... Aki: I was not invited. Shinya: I invited you, though. How many times? Cameraman: To play boardgames? Shinya: Yeah, things like that. Aki: Well, it's like, you always want to play difficult games. Games like Momotaro Dentetsu are fine. Shinya: You only play games easier than Momotaro Dentetsu? Aki: I want to take it easy like playing Momotaro Dentetsu and drinking at home. Aren't you doing anything special? Shinya: No. Cameraman: The number of games at Shinya's house is amazing. Boardgames. Aki: I've heard rumors that there is a pool. Shinya: There isn't. Aki: In the best district of Tokyo. Shinya: It's a pond. Aki: With a pool. Cameraman: A pond. Shinya: A house with a pond. Aki: A pond? A pond is still amazing. Cameraman: The ginkgo trees are amazing, right? Shinya: They are amazing in autumn. Aki: I see. I've heard from mutual bandmen friends that Shinya came out wearing one of my tour t-shirts. Cameraman: What about that, Shinya? Shinya: I don't really remember it. Aki: ASH told me. Did ASH ever go to your house? Shinya: Yes. Aki: When I went to Shinya's house, Shinya was wearing Aki's tshirt. It was revealed. Shinya: I probably was in my loungewear. Aki: Did I give it to you? Why do you have it? I'm grateful, though. Cameraman: You went drinking and such quite frequently, right? Aki: Absolutely. We often meet. Even though we don't perform together, we end up at the same places. A long time ago I was the one who made Shinya sing at a karaoke. Cameraman: Eh? Aki: He would never do it, right? Shinya: It was very unusual. Aki: At a certain birthday party a few years ago, it was before corona, though. So there was a party and I also went, we drank quite a bit together and we were having fun. I told him "let's lift the ban, let's break the seal". I was like "let's drink". Telling him that, he sang. Cameraman: Eh? By the way, which song was it? Aki: It was Aku no hana by BUCK-TICK. Cameraman: Eh? Really? Do you remember it? Aki: I do. Shinya: It was after drinking around 100 shots of tequila. Because this person here made me drink a lot. Cameraman: 100 shots of tequila? Shinya: As expected, I was also probably drunk. Aki: It seemed like you had given up. Cameraman: But do you at least remember singing? Shinya: Kind of. Aki: Moreover, he is pretty good at karaoke. He sounded like BUCK-TICK. Cameraman: Eh? Shinya: Because I'm a musician. Aki: Shinya, you absolutely should sing. Shinya: No, no, no, I'm embarrassed, I'm embarrassed. Aki: When I asked, he said he would do it. Cameraman: Drinking 100 shots of tequila is insane, though. Aki: 1 song for 100 tequila shots isn't such a good deal, right? Cameraman: Shinya, aren't you going to escape rooms? Shinya: Yes. Cameraman: You don't go to bars much, right? Aki: He told me about some of those games. I've also played, though. That was definitely fun. Shinya: Ah, really? Aki: Escape rooms were incredibly fun. Shinya: It took you quite some time, though. Aki: Because I'm not that good at this kind of things. Cameraman: What was the situation? Aki: It was like looking at a picture and making associations. It symbolized a whole unit. Shinya: I kept looking for an escape room online and showed it to him. Cameraman: Ah, I see, I see. Aki: Yes, yes, you did. Since for me it was, of course, the first time, I didn't know what to do, how to solve the problems. Problems that even Shinya didn't know from before. We were solving them all together. At that moment, as expected, he solved them fast. Are you used to solving riddles? Shinya: I've been solving them since elementary school. Aki: Is it what you've been doing lately? With your bandmen friends and such. Shinya: There aren't many bandmen with whom I can go to an escape room. Aki: Aaaah. Shinya: So I don't play with them. I lost contact with many bandmen. Cameraman: Because your main focus now are escape rooms, right? Aki: Instead of hanging out with bandmen, you are focused on escape rooms. Shinya: Yes. Aki: So you hang out with those who go there, right? Shinya: Yes, yes. Aki: You are a pro, aren't you? Shinya: I am. Aki: Amazing. Shinya: Oh, this is Mita station. Is Mita station at Tamachi station? Cameraman: Yes, yes. We're almost there. We still have to walk a little to get to Tamachi. Shinya: Do you know that there is another place called Mita? It's nearby. Cameraman: Is there? Shinya: There are two completely different Mitas next to each other. Cameraman: What do you mean? Shinya: That there are 2 different places named Mita. Cameraman: Really? Shinya: A Mita in Minato and a Mita either in Meguro or Shinagawa. Aki: It's unusual to have two places with the same name in the same city, right? In different prefectures, though... Shinya: At first, I was a little confused. Cameraman: Ah, we can see the station! Shinya: We can! That's definitely Tamachi station. Aki: Ah, that's Tamachi! Cameraman: Those are the buildings of Morinaga Milk Industry and such. Shinya: The other side of Tamachi has changed so much in the last 3 years more or less. Cameraman: But it's probably more beautiful now. Shinya: It's more than beautiful, it's totally different. Cameraman: Is it that different? Shinya: Don't you know? Cameraman: It doesn't ring a bell. Shinya: It's totally different. It's astonishingly different. Aki: I don't know how it used to be. I don't know how it used to be, so I can't tell how it changed. But I see. Cameraman: It certainly has become beautiful, though. Shinya: It's on a totally different dimension. Cameraman: As if a whole new district was built? Aki: You are so enthusiastic about it, aren't you? Shinya: I was surprised by it when I went to the studio for rehearsals after a while during the pandemic. Aki: Since you say that it has changed so much, can you please elaborate? Shinya: Yes. Let's finish talking at the other side. Aki: Let's do that. Cameraman: Shinya, should we go to the other side of the station? Shinya: Yes. Aki: Wait, shoes for a stage outfit. Won't we take a look? Is it okay? Shinya: They look pretty good. Aki: They do, right? Shinya: A Rakuten store. It is new. Aki: If it wasn't for this opportunity, I wouldn't have walked around a station that I don't know. I rarely do it, but when I'm walking around, I feel like there are some things here that catch my attention and I want to check. Shinya: There are a lot of interesting things. There is always something. Regarding the things that have changed... Aki: From what to what has it changed? Shinya: It's not that. Cameraman: Because it was on a totally different dimension, right? Shinya: First of all, this didn't exist. This suspended passage thingy. This didn't exist either. That building didn't exist either. Nor that one. Nor the other one. Cameraman: How many years ago are we talking about? Shinya: 3 or 4? Aki: Eeeeh? Cameraman: They were able to do this in 3 or 4 years? Shinya: That thing didn't exist. Cameraman: Right, it looks new. Aki: It has changed completely, hasn't it? Cameraman: Was this here? Shinya: No. Everything above ground level is all new. This here used to be a very dirty street. It's also my first time seeing this properly, though. It's become really amazing. Cameraman: It has. You are excited. Shinya: This sidewalk wasn't this wide, you know? Aki: Certainly. Shinya: It wasn't this wide. This didn't exist either. Cameraman: Incredibly beautiful. Aki: What kind of building is this? Ah, there is a board listing the shops. Shinya: I could live here. Aki: We could. Cameraman: We could, right? Do you want to buy an apartment here? Shinya: I do. Aki: Isn't Gindaco good? I want to eat takoyaki! It's enough already with this building, right? Cameraman: It has anything you need, right? Shinya: There is even a real estate agency. If I ask here, they'll find me a place to live in no time, right? There is also an eye clinic. Cameraman: And a café. Aki: There is more over here! Food is not an issue. Shinya: There is full variety. Cameraman: There is a yakiniku restaurant. Aki: And Starbucks. Shinya: Both Japanese and Western-style cuisine. Aki: The food is fine. Shinya: Is there also a Chinese restaurant? Cameraman: There sure is. Aki: There isn't one? Cameraman: Ah, there was one! Aki: Did you like Chinese food? Shinya: No, not really. Aki: Eeeeh? Shinya: I asked because we were saying that this building has everything. Cameraman: There are two Starbucks. Aki: How can you make the conversation flow so easily from the topic of Chinese food? I love it! How do you do such a thing so easily? I'm shocked. I'm surprised, huh. Cameraman: Shinya, do you want to live here? Shinya: I do. The studio is also nearby. Cameraman: It is. Aki: Now we'll go to Century 21 and ask which kind of properties they have. How would you like it? Shinya: I want the whole building, though. Aki: But this building is all offices, right? You can't go in there. Shinya: I want all of it. Aki: Let's buy it. The S of Station Tower is the S of Shinya? Shinya: Yes. Aki: Tamachi Station Shinya. Shinya: As you'd expect, we've arrived safely. Cameraman: We have! Shinya: How was it? Aki: Well, if it wasn't for this opportunity, I wouldn't do these things in Tokyo, walking from one station to another. Moreover, as a place, since it's an area that I don't visit often, there were some shops that caught my attention, so I'm thinking that I want to come back next time in private with Shinya by all means. Shinya: I fully agree. Aki: Wait, wait. Are you up to it? This is not my corner... Is it okay? Shinya: Yes. Aki: Really? Ah, I'm glad. This is a one-sided love. Cameraman: Shinya, do you also want to go again to Hamamatsuchou and drink with Aki? Shinya: Yes. Aki: I always want. Shinya: Me too. Aki: Let's do it again. You, are you up to it? Shinya: I'm super up to it. Thank you for the taiyaki. Aki: No, sorry about the message. I had so much fun! I would have never thought that I would be able to walk with Shinya, the two of us in this laidback atmosphere. If there is another chance, invite me by all means. Even in a different district, okay? Shinya: Yes. Please, come again by all means. Aki: I would like to go for a walk. Cameraman: Thank you. Shinya: As you'd expect, next time I'll be taking a stroll by myself once again. Then, goodbye!

#Shinya #Dir en Grey #Seraph #Aki #SID #明希 #シド #entrevistas #interviews #sidlyrics #Shinya Channel

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gyuwrites · 3 years ago

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LAZY DAY

pairing : boyfriend!seungcheol × genderneutral!reader

genre : fluff, non-idol au

warnings : —

rating : sfw

summary : seungcheol who had a day off, wanted to go on a date. however what he planned was ruined when the both of you slept in and missing the time, well it wasn't completely ruined..

w.c : 0.7k

fic is under the cut!

"babe...wake up." you said with a hoarse voice as you shook him. him still looking dead as ever, you ended up not bothering him. you looked around, looking like you can't process where you were at. your hand made its way to your phone as if you knew where it was and you checked the time.

you paid no attention to it at first, lowering your phone and stared at your sleeping boyfriend, entranced by his calm sleeping face. that's when it hit you, the both of you missed your scheduled date. it was 2 in afternoon and you both were still in bed.

"babe...cheol...wake up, we missed our date. are you even alive ?" you shook him harder and he woke up, with a gasped as if he couldn't breath.

"huh...huh ? why..what...what happened ? did someone came in ? did someone tried to rob us ?" he looked around, defence mode on. you laughed, mainly because of how dumb he looked right now, his bed hair and sleepy face made him look like a small animal that needed to be taken care of.

"no one is here, it's just the two of us, cheol. what i meant was we missed our date." he looked at you with an unreadable expression. does he not remember our date? you stared at him while he stared back at you.

"wait...oh our date! wait...we're late? we're late!" you laughed as he panicked. you fell back to your shared bed as you laughed harder.

"hey..stop laughing! we're late!"

"we already missed it, it's 2pm. now come join me."

"oh we did and 2pm? damn it, i was looking forward to our date." he sulked as he walked to you. seungcheol is a man who enjoyed dates, whether if it's a long date or a short quick date, mainly because he wanted you to be by his side most of the time.

however, because of his work at the office, his schedule has been packed...sometimes he couldn't even eat because he had so many papers to do. in fact, he comes home by 12am or later and the next day he's gone by 6am so technically you wouldn't see him at all unless you stay up until 12am or later

his boss gave him a day off because he saw how seungcheol's dark circles were getting darker and him falling asleep and waking up with a paper stuck onto his face. he's the top 1 worker there anyways

seungcheol who knew he was sort of neglecting his partner, planned a whole date just for him to pamper you with love and affections that were missing.

"let's become sloths and do nothing."

"lazy day it is." he said as he pulled you closer to him by the waist. you stared at him, admiring his features as he caressed your cheek.

"sorry for not making it up to you" although you did felt sort of lonely when he was busy with work but you understand where he's coming from. yeah, you did work but at a café and your shifts starts at 8am to 3pm. after your shift, you'd pretty much be at home or buying groceries (if there's nothing in the fridge) so you weren't as busy as your boyfriend.

"it's alright. your presence makes up everything." cheesy ? maybe but who cares. if it makes him feel better—

"but still, think of how many things we could be doing right now?"

...maybe not.

you watched as he sulked. you knew he enjoyed all the dates he goes with you so seeing him sulk because of the missed date is nothing new. it has happened a few times...

"it's fine, i promise. we could do many things at home too, you know."

"like ?"

"uhh...sleep ?" you answered, not quite knowing what to do other than sleeping. it has been awhile since you both had a lazy day. most of the time, the two of you would just lay in bed, order food and watch some netflix movies.

"let's just watch netflix, order food, and let the day go by own its own while we're in our own world. but for now, let's get ready for the day, our breath smells." you laughed, slowly getting out of bed, put on your cute bear slippers and ran to the bathroom

"dibs on the bathroom!"

"hey! you take long showers. give me five minutes and i'll be done, come on!" he whined as he held your wrist, preventing you from going inside.

"no can do, babe." you teased and removed his grasp on you and shut the bathroom door. you heard him groan and fell onto your shared bed as you giggled.

"now i wonder what time you're gonna come out."

#seventeen fluff #seventeen imagines #scoups imagines #scoups #seungcheol scenarios #seungcheol imagines #seungcheol #gyuworks!

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ofmurphys · 5 years ago

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✰ –– hero coffee roasters. 2pm, on a tuesday.

this bitch wants a frappu-fuckin’-ccino. murphy blinks and pastes on a smile. jesus. fake-owning this shithole’s getting real old these days. “ oh, hun, of course i can improvise that sugar rush for you. don’t even fret it. we totally keep vats of that fake java just lying around. ” honestly, murph can’t tell what’s worse –– the fact that this cardboard cutout vsco girl even asked, or the fact that she actually believes her.

hero coffee roasters loses a customer that day. as the doorbell jingles shut with the force of the girl’s slam, murphy pops a redhot into her mouth and chews. does nothing to hide her growing smirk. yeah, yeah.

good riddance.

or alternatively : hey demons, it’s me, ya gurl ! back at it again with my very snakey shadow gorl. click that read more to learn about this gorgeous amoral piece of ass. i’m trying out a new intro format, so... bear with me ! i hope y’all enjoy, and pls hmu on discord for plots !

murph is... straight up trouble. so if you want drama ? you want bullshit & compulsive lies ? you want ill-founded rage with no apologies later ? you’ve come to the right place .

this is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world . . . just kidding. murphy berman doesn’t shed tears for shit.

— && guests may mistake me as ( zoe kravitz ), but really i am ( murphy berman + cisfemale + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 11/7/1994 ). i am a ( “ coffee shop owner ” ) and would like to stay in suite ( 306 ). i won’t be much of a bother because i am ( + cunning & fierce ), but i can also be ( - acetous & cutthroat ) at times. personally, i like to ( code, flick gum wrappers at pigeons, bring my pet turtle to the movies, sit back and watch shit burn ) when i have the time to relax, and my favorite snack is ( those purple doritos, y'know. chili or whatever the fuck ) to have in my suite. thank you for checking in !

i n s p o .

coffee shop –– hero coffee roasters.

pinterest.

soundcloud –– soul sounds.

soul anthem.

b a c k d r o p . ( tw: drug mentions, alcoholic tendencies, alcohol, crime, allusions to domestic violence, violence, murder. )

2am, bar’s closed. but braids still sits, forearms draped atop the counter, shades askew. as you restock new handles, she raises a finger, like she might say something, then pours herself another bourbon. cutting her off is the least of your worries –– it doesn’t take a genius to tell this cookie can handle her own. and the shit she’s spewing ? something tells you this has never been aired before.

“ so picture the fuck outta this, bub. ” a swig. “ you’re born and before you even got the wherewithal to speak, you’re shipped off to some graham cracker family in the ‘ burbs. you start leapfrogging –– my term, tee-em –– ” a tattooed finger traces the symbol into the air accordingly. “ and after a while, it’s a game. hop a house, stay a while, see how much of their shit you can pocket. ” nostalgic sighs accompany a litany of stolen goods : cash. jewelry. first edition tetris game, hand-fuckin’-held. the hoopers’ prized gold kazoo.

don’t believe her ? onto black marble slides proof.

“ then you land. hard. the fuckin’ landry’s. ” a scornful chuckle. “ miss me with that white picket fence ass shit. but they get you your first comp, so... when they ask to adopt you, you’re like. i dunno, man. sure, i guess ? and guess wrong. ” turns out the landry’s aren’t as warm or welcoming as they claim. their youngest kid dies, freak accident. monkey bars. “ family falls apart worse than that time you tried to make a ball from fresh cigarette ash. you were eleven. ” tattooed over the scar.

braids tells you ‘bout the party being over. the bruising. but she laughs through it, rolls her eyes like she’s talking ‘bout silly old friends instead of terrible old people.

her birth mother finds her. they meet up a few times in a local park, whisks her away when she’s twelve. is it kidnapping ? technically, who gives a fuck. they lived low. under the radar. in apartments above dive bars. spent a summer breaking into parked cars. finally landed with j.j., who turned out to just be a glorified drug mule.

“ new york was fine to me. y’know, fucked off in school. kid shit. ” she shrugs. you won’t know it, but she’ll astutely sidestep the fact that she hacked her first global system at 14. she won’t mention she started accepting paypal offers from obscure reddit threads two weeks later. by 17, she was contracting independently –– a business venture, she’d tell her high school counselor, assigned to keep her from winding up on the streets.

matty, her best friend since the move to new york, decided to kiss her silly after trying shrooms. she liked it. told him maybe he could do that more often.

“ he cleaned up, ” braids purses her lips. “ after high school. stopped messing with his crowd. our crowd. ” she grabs two stirrers from a container dangerously close to your hand. taps ‘em on the counter like she’s stomping out mini fires. “ let him put a ring on me. y’know make bey proud. ”

she won’t mention that while matty gets a job as a cook at a bougie french restaurant, she continued to deal with devils. woman in her high castle. under the guise of cpu-based tetris and a whole lot of freelance web design.

but then roosevelt savings bank gets robbed. and they somehow trace the ip back to her.

it’s an easy mishap to shake. showed ‘em the websites. the code. the computer usage logs. the blues believe her, but matty...

“ trust issues. sad, huh ? thought i was fucking around behind his back. ” with criminals.

“ and then shit gets good, homie. we’re tasting stupid fucking cake. red velvet... ” cue a laugh. bitter. the stirrers stop tapping. “ then i meet aamina and everything goes to shit. i brought it up, you know. like. hey, your fiancée might be a little bit into pussy. ”

for the first time all night, her eyes meet yours. and it’s only then you realize... there’s some heavy fuckin’ sadness swimming in those baby browns. worlds pass through them. alternative stories –– where matty wasn’t high. where he didn’t reach for the knife.

“ he lost it. ” silence. she looks away. “ anyway. ” she launches into why chicago –– why she studied pre-law for two years before tossing in the towel. because “ fuck a judge, man. ” and she’s into the finer things in life. ( she struck you as an arts type. what with the glasses. the vintage band tee worn like a dress. maybe you get a glimmer of pride knowing you were right. she won’t mention that the whole thing’s a farce. )

she launches into why a coffee shop. she’ll tell you the beautiful thing about coffee is it takes no shit. she’ll tell you owning a place gets fuckin’ wild, but she’s in it for the free java and coffee-themed booze. a perk all hourly baristas like her enjoy. “ and we made that top list or whatever. of fly places here. an honor. i’d like to thank god, and also jesus. which i hope you know are my boys bazzi and frank ocean. ”

you’ll google hero coffee roasters later. and find its registered owner goes by brian tubolino. but hey, maybe she’s married.

when braids finally decides it’s time to go, sunlight’s nipping at chicago’s heels.

“ you chill if i ... ? ” before you can answer, she’s takin’ a swig straight from the half-finished bottle of bourbon. picks it up and cradles it under one arm, precious cargo.

“ souvenir, man. in remembrance of you. ”

#intro.#✰ –– don't punish the tiger for taking its prey ! inspo.#✰ –– so ugly but you love me ! she speaks.

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pug-bitch · 6 years ago

Text

That’s not why I’m going (6)

5 o’clock somewhere

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake Walker x Amara Suarez

Rating: some foul language, some suggestive, otherwise PG!

Word count: 2,490

Notes: This starts with Drake’s POV, the morning after the derby. I’m starting to drop huge hints about Amara’s backstory, because I can’t help myself...

*****

Drake had set his alarm for 6 am, just in case. He gently pushes Amara’s head back onto the pillow, looks at her as she winces a bit.

‘Go back to sleep, Suarez,’ he whispers, planting a small kiss on her forehead. He couldn’t help but smile.

Before heading out, he finds a little piece of paper on her desk and quickly scribbles his number. Underneath, he writes: ‘Text whenever. Good luck today.’

Back in his room, he starts getting ready, a smile still plastered on his face. He’d have to knock it off real quick, at least before his breakfast with Liam. He’d have to take a shower, too. He still smelled like her, after a whole night of holding her in his arms.

Damn, he couldn’t stop thinking about her.

*****

‘Good morning, Lady Amara.’

She was already awake, and thank God, because she was able to find Drake’s note with his phone number before anyone else could.

Especially since it was Bertrand waking her up for once.

‘Good morning, Duke Ramsford.’

She found it ridiculous that he insisted on her using the proper title whenever possible, but she complied. She was familiar with authority and hierarchies. She didn’t love it, but she saw its value. She always had, especially because of her old job. Plus, it made Bertrand happy, and when he was happy, he stayed off her case.

‘Good, you’re awake,’ he says. ‘You need to get ready. You have a tea party with the other suitors, and later, you will all be taken to the croquet game with the Queen. Any questions?’

‘No, Your Grace.’

Bertrand flashes an excited smile. ‘Great. Now hurry. You need to swing by the boutique before brunch.’

He leaves promptly. Amara rolls her eyes. What a weird guy, she thought. She couldn’t believe that he and Max were brothers. They didn’t seem to have anything in common, which had never been her experience with siblings.

She steps out of bed, thinks for a second, and grabs her phone. Too eager? No. It would just be so he had her number, too. She sends her message and starts getting ready.

*****

Drake puts his phone back in his pocket, still smiling. He’d reply later, he didn’t want to appear too eager. Liam waves at him from the balcony. Drake shouts ‘Sorry, I’m late! I’ll be right up.’

He climbs up the stairs faster than ever. It was obvious that he had a spring in his step.

‘Drake, come take a seat!’ Liam says. ‘I’m surprised to see you in such a good mood, you sounded quite drunk on the phone last night. Did you get a good night’s sleep?’

Drake realizes he should be a slightly better actor and says ‘Oh, I slept pretty well I guess. I wasn’t drunk last night, just...tired.’

Liam nods, but Drake can tell he doesn’t quite believe him. After a long pause, Liam asks him the question that he was dreading: ‘Did you happen to see Amara last night? I never heard back from you.’

‘Yeah,’ Drake says, trying to sound as cool as possible. ‘I went over to check on her, she was fine. She had just finished skyping with her roommate. See, she didn’t lie to you.’

‘I’m glad,’ Liam continues, without breaking eye contact. ‘Still, there was something weird about her demeanor last night. I thought about it, and it really seemed as if she didn’t expect me to be there. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I see only one reason.’

Drake audibly gulps. So that’s it, huh. He’s busted.

‘She must have thought someone else wrote her the note,’ Liam adds. ‘One of the other suitors, to mess with her.’

Drake had to fight his urge to roll his eyes. What? Was Liam that self-absorbed that THIS was the only reason he could see to Amara not expecting him? Damn. He had never noticed how cocky Liam was. He chooses to nod silently.

‘See,’ Liam pursues, ‘I knew Olivia could be tough, so can Kiara, and I should have been more careful about Amara being left by herself among these ladies who are pissed about a commoner entering the competition.’

‘Honestly, Liam, I think you’re reading too much into this. I saw Amara and Olivia interact the other day and they seem to get along just fine. I’m sure Amara was just tired and she was surprised that you summoned her.’

‘Summoned? Come on, it wasn’t like that. I asked her out! And she came, but stayed like five minutes.’

‘Asked? I don’t recall seeing any questions on that note.’ He stops in his tracks. Fuck. He wasn’t supposed to read the note. Liam raises his eyebrows, visibly shocked.

‘Oh, you read it?’

‘I mean, I placed it on her desk, so I glanced at it.’

Liam takes a sip of his coffee, without a word.

‘You give me a menial task and then you complain when I’m not a perfect little servant?’ Drake can feel himself getting angry. He needs to calm down. It wasn’t Liam’s fault that he was conflicted. But still, he feels like a lackey, when he’s supposed to feel like a friend.

‘It’s ok, Drake,’ Liam says softly. ‘I can admit that my note was a tad direct, and that I wasn’t really asking. But she was free not to show up.’

Thank God, Drake thought. ‘Yeah. Well, maybe she felt like it was a bit intrusive of you to send someone to her bedroom to drop off a note. But then again, we could sit here all day speculating about how she felt. I can tell you that I saw her last night and--’ ...and she’s a really good kisser. ‘And she was fine.’

‘Ok. Thank you. Did she mention anything about our rendezvous?’

Drake couldn’t believe what his friend was asking. What was he, fifteen? ‘No. Sorry, Li. She didn’t. But to be fair, I didn’t stay long. I checked on her and left her be.’

‘Alright. Thank you. And I’m sorry you felt like I was giving you a menial task.’ Oh. What a heartfelt apology. ‘You’re the only one I can trust and I really like this woman. I’m just eager to see her, that’s all.’

Eager, or pushy? Drake smiles, hoping Liam changes the subject.

‘So Drake, anything new in your love life?’

Oh fuck. Here we go. ‘Nah. I’m not looking for anything right now anyway.’

*****

‘What did you say your last name was, Lady Amara?’

They had just finished playing croquet and had started the picnic with the Queen, along with the new, surprise suitor, an icy blonde named Madeleine. Some of the other women seemed to know her, and Amara would have to ask Maxwell or Olivia about her later. Why did the bitch need to know her last name?

‘Suarez.’

‘Oh, how exotic,’ Madeleine replies, still squinting at her, sipping her tea.

Exotic? What the fuck did that mean? Amara shared a knowing look with Hana, whom she was half-expecting Madeleine to call ‘Oriental’, next. What was up with this colonialist shit?

But Amara merely smiled, not wanting to lose her composure. She was doing so well with Queen Regina, she didn’t want to screw up, especially for Maxwell and Bertrand’s sake. It sounded silly, but she really didn’t want them to regret choosing her to represent House Beaumont, even though she had no interest in Liam at all.

‘So, Lady Amara,’ Madeleine continues, ‘where did you go to school?’

‘I went to NYU, Lady Madeleine.’

‘Oh, how American.’ Amara almost laughed at this one. Yeah, NYU is American, because it’s in America. No shit, Sherlock. Madeleine continues: ‘And what did you study?’

Amara hesitated. With her last name, her alma mater and her major, Madeleine could find out a little too much, but she also didn’t want to lie and claim a major that she did not have. So, she told the truth.

‘Criminal Justice.’

Everyone went silent, but Amara noticed Olivia’s smirk. Of course she would enjoy that.

Thankfully, they changed the subject and started talking about politics, Queen Regina obviously testing the ladies. Amara felt like she was doing well, and Hana’s approving, proud looks reassured her. She really lucked out when she met her, she thought.

After the event, Amara spotted Maxwell waiting for her. She was happy, but at the same time, it strangely felt like her dad was picking her up from preschool, and that was a tad infantilizing. But it was always good to see Maxwell, and it always brought a smile to her lips.

‘Amara! How about some coffee? You too, Hana, if you wish.’

Olivia passes by and, without making eye contact with anybody, just says: ‘Coffee is for weaklings. Let’s get drunk.’ She grabs Amara by the elbow and guides her.

‘It’s 2pm!’ Hana protests.

‘It’s 5 o’clock somewhere!’ Maxwell says, excitedly.

*****

‘Another, Suarez?’

Amara nods, and Olivia heads to the bar to order another round. Hana, a true lightweight, is already giggling, while Maxwell is about to hop on the table.

‘Amara,’ whispers Maxwell, ‘since when are you BFFs with Olivia? I hate to say this, but I feel really cool.’

‘I wouldn’t say we’re BFFs, but we had a couple of moments, y’know. She’s not that bad.’

‘Growing up, she scared me a little, but now, I have to say, she scares me a lot. I’m glad you managed to tame her a bit. But I’m just wondering, why didn’t she offer ME another round?’

‘She didn’t offer me one either,’Hana squeals, thus proving that she really doesn’t need another at all.

‘Hana, honey,’ Amara says, squeezing her friend’s arm, ‘how about some water, huh?’

Olivia comes back with the drinks and looks at Maxwell. He seems to shudder. ‘So, Beaumont, did you know about Madeleine?’

‘What about her?’

‘She joined the competition today. She was at the croquet game bullshit, with Queen Regina, who obviously favors her. Isn’t that fucked up?’

Maxwell’s jaw drops. ‘Seriously? Is that even allowed?’

‘Who cares? Whatever Queen Regina wants, Queen Regina gets. Same goes for fucking Madeleine.’

‘Um, are you guys gonna tell us who Madeleine is? I can’t take the suspense anymore,’ Amara interrupts.

Olivia takes a sip from her cocktail and starts talking. ‘Madeleine was in the previous competition. She was engaged to Liam’s brother, Leo. But he didn’t want to be with her, or to be King, apparently, so he abdicated, broke the engagement, and ran away with some bitch on a cruise ship. That’s why Liam, who’s not the first child, is set to be King after Constantine. Madeleine comes from a powerful family, she is Countess of Fydelia, and also Queen Regina’s niece.’

Hana makes a horrified face. Olivia quickly adds: ‘It’s not a Game of Thrones situation. Regina is not Leo and Liam’s biological mother.’

‘Right, I knew that,’ Hana says hastily. ‘I just forgot for a second and it really...grossed me out.’

‘Well,’ Olivia continues, ‘it’s not unheard of in Cordonia, or in Europe for that matter. That’s kinda how monarchy works. In any case, now you know. She was pissed when the engagement broke, not so much because she wanted Leo, but more so because she really wants the crown.’ She downs the rest of her cocktail and, in the same movement, gets back up to get another.

‘Jeez, this woman is a machine,’ Maxwell whispers.

Hana nods furiously.

‘I’ll be right back, guys,’ Amara says.

She joins Olivia at the bar, sits next to her, and asks ‘Are you ok?’

‘Yep.’

‘Come on, Olivia. I know it’s not a coincidence that you took everyone here for drinks on the very day Madeleine makes her debut.’

Olivia sighs. ‘Fine. It pisses me off. She just waltzes in and everyone is ok with it.’

‘Not everyone. I didn’t care for her little pointed comments, and I know Hana didn’t either.’

Olivia scoffs. ‘I didn’t mean you. I meant the Royal family. It’s totally rigged, now it’s obvious Liam is gonna choose her.’

‘No! I can’t see Liam liking someone like that.’

‘Sweet summer child. You think it’s up to Liam now? Before the bitch showed up, I would have agreed with you. The very fact that you’re here proves that Liam had some sort of agency. But the Queen brought her niece back to the competition, and that means she’s about to take control. Game over.’ She gives Amara a long, pointed look. ‘Not that you care.’

Amara raises her eyebrows. ‘What makes you say that?’

‘For starters, your Walker boner is showing.’

Amara chuckles. There’s nothing she can say to that.

‘Alright, let’s go back to your two kids over there. Lee is about to pass out.’ Olivia shakes her head. ‘After two measly cocktails. Shame.’

*****

Amara plops onto her bed, her head slightly spinning. She’s getting really concerned that she might end up with an alcohol problem.

She looks inside the bag of groceries she just bought. Thank God for Maxwell who was still sober enough to take her to the store. She needed normal and comfort food, not just courtly finger sandwiches. She realizes she’s actually complaining about free food, but oh well.

A few bags of candy, some instant mac and cheese, granola bars, grapes, apples, potato chips. Perfect for a depressed teen, with a hint of fruit.

She looks further into the bag, to the item she carefully hid from Maxwell at checkout. She hadn’t felt ashamed of buying condoms since she was, what, seventeen? She quickly puts the box in her nightstand. There, she thinks, now she can relax and she won’t have to think about it until she...does.

Alright. She sits back in her bed, and fires up her computer to look for some music to play. For the first time today, she feels truly relaxed. Madeleine’s presence was irritating, sure, but at least it would help keep Liam at arm’s length, since his stepmother would make him give Madeleine some attention.

She grabs her phone, looks at her missed calls, but she won’t call back, not tonight. No, that’s not what she’s looking for in her phone.

The text from Drake, the one he sent her while she was at the bar, is what she goes back to.

Hope croquet wasn’t too tedious. Let me know if you get bored.

She smiles. When was the last time she re-read a text ten times? She would feel pathetic, except that she felt so fucking light.

*****

Drake is in his bed, reading Annie Proulx’s Accordion Crimes for the millionth time. If anybody asks, he’ll say it’s a coincidence.

His phone buzzes. Funny how his phone now mattered to him, when he didn’t give a shit about it, just yesterday.

He grabs it a little too fast, a little too eagerly. His heart beats faster upon reading the message, and a giant smile appears on his face.

Wanna come over?

*****

Taglist:

@andy-loves-corgis , @drakewalkerwhipped , @drakxwalker , @drakewalkerrosenberg , @drakeswalkers , @drakelover78 , @silviasutton1989 , @jovialyouthmusic , @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria , @mariahschoices , @drakesensworld , @thequeenofcronuts , @notoriouscs , @drakewalkerisreal

Thank you for your encouragements, everyone! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist :)

#that's not why i'm going #drake x mc #drake walker x mc #drake walker x amara suarez #trr drake #trr fanfic #the royal romance #trr choices #choices trr

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irregulardiaryposts · 4 years ago

Text

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!

#why does tumblr break up the paragraphs like this #there isnt supposed to be paragraphs #maybe i should change that #anyway off to fix all my post so far and tag the all like ->#june 2021 entry #2021 the year of fun

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artstropicalokinawa · 4 years ago

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慣れない新居で、慣れることについて考える

　引っ越してみた。引っ越しといえば大抵の人にとってかなり大きな決断であるだろうが、私がその決断をするときにはいくつかのチェック事項が足りていないような気がする。例えば、新居と勤務先の距離はどれぐらいか。新居の近くで食材や生活用品を揃えるにはどこに行けばいいのか。また、新居には旧居の荷物がすべて入りきるのか。新居で新たに必要となる家具は何か、など。

　決断力はあるが判断力はないと言われる。今回も決断だけを先に、「あとはどうにかなるだろう、えいや」と引っ越してしまった。沖縄に引っ越した時もそんな感じだったと覚えている。職だけ決めて、あとはどうにかなるだろう、と。どうにかなってしまったから、今の自分があるというのは確かなのだけれど。

　先日、初めて神戸市の新居から大阪市の職場まで行くと、その遠さに、この先が不安になった。特に退勤時刻が21時台になる遅番シフトの場合は、電車の乗り継ぎが悪く、帰宅に２時間ぐらいかかってしまう。さすがにこれは時間がかかりすぎだろうと笑ってしまった。週３日の勤務が現在コロナのおかげで１日は在宅勤務が認められているから、週２日、小旅行をするんだと思い慣れるしかない。そして、自宅内はすべての段ボールを開け終わった今でも物が溢れている。もう少し物を減らさないと、この部屋では過ごしづらそうだ。

　引っ越してみると、本当に、自分という人間は、習慣で、なんとなく生きていたんだなあと実感する。いざ引っ越して、自分の周辺の物の配置が変わると、朝起きて、まずどうしていたかも思い出せないし、日々どんなルーチンをこなしていたのか、さっぱりわからない。何をすればいいかわからなくなるととりあえず、一番やったほうが良さそうな、仕事用のPCを広げてちょこちょこメールを返したりスケジュールを調整するということをやってみる。そうすると、あっという間に時間が過ぎている。時計を見ると21時25分。あれ？旧居では、毎日この時間はいったい何をしていたんだろう？

　けれど、きっとこの部屋にもまもなく慣れて、だらだらと過ごせたり、また出不精になってみたりできるんだろう。ルーチンも生まれていくのかもしれない。環境が変わるたびにひどい便秘になったり頭痛を生じたりするくせに、意外と私は習慣を自分の身に��せることも得意である。

　中国福建省に留学したときには、あてがわれた寮の部屋にブーブー文句を言いながらも、最終的には出不精になっていたから、部屋の中の居心地はよかったということだろう。もともと部屋にあった椅子がボロボロで、たった50元ほど（当時約800円）で背もたれのないプラスチック製の屋台用椅子を購入し、それに1年間腰掛けて学習した。

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　新居は山の麓にあり、窓を開けるとモワッと森林の匂いがする。私の記憶ではこの匂いは「おばあちゃん家」なのだが、これも、もうまもなくすると私の鼻腔はあたりまえの匂いとして何も感じ取らなくなるのだろう。

　三宮駅から新居へ向かうために市バスに乗る。後部の座席に座り、車窓を眺める。途中、何度か同じ系統番号のバスとすれ違う。バスとバスがすれ違うとき、必ず両方のバスの運転手の様子を観察してしまう。那覇市に住んでいる時もよくバスに乗っていて、たまに見かける運転手同士の挨拶を観察することが楽しみだった。同社どうしの運転手は挨拶し合っているが、やはり他社とは挨拶しないようだ。同社どうしでも、仲良しな場合はジェスチャーで互いに笑わせあったりしている運転手もいたし、目を合わさずに会釈するだけのクールな運転手もいた。神戸市バスでは、残念ながらそんな挨拶風景を見ることができなさそうで、残念だ。残念だけれど、もう半年もここに住めば、バスどうしのすれ違いに運転手が挨拶をするかしないかなんて気にすることもなくなって、沖縄で見たような光景はもう記憶から消えてしまうかもしれない。

　住んだことのない土地に住むことを決心した時、賃貸の契約書にサインをする時、いつも心の中で「住めば都」と、まじないのように、つぶやいている。また、19世紀末から神戸にはたくさんの中国系移民が定住している。彼らも、「住めば都」と思ったのだろうか。辞書を引くと、中国語表現で「住めば都」は「久居則安」（北京話読み：ジウジューヅーアン）と言うらしい。

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　ある日、大阪の職場からほど近い台湾料理店に昼食に行くと、BGMにBEGINのアルバムが流れていた。もう14時頃、私がランチの最後の客だった。静かな店内でBEGINを聴きながら、辛い麻婆豆腐を食べる。涙と鼻水が出てくるほどの辛さなので、白飯で口を休めながらじっくり食べる。店内の静けさから音の細部まで聴き取ることができ、『かぎやで風』をアレンジした曲や��謡をアレンジした曲、様々な沖縄音楽のモチーフが散りばめられている。BEGINって、こんなに面白い音楽アレンジをしていたのか。古来から現在まで脈々と継承された沖縄伝統音楽と、ロックやポップスを見事に混ぜ合わせる。これぞ"沖縄大衆音楽"だったのだと衝撃を受ける。そして、那覇の国際通りで、観光地で、嫌ほど聴いたBEGINの最有名曲『島んちゅぬ宝』がついに流れる。イントロを聴いて「はいはい、日本全国民が沖縄といえば思い浮かべるこのアンセムね」とうんざりするも、他に客がいない店内では、その歌詞がするすると脳内に入ってくる。そして、沖縄を離れてから初めて気づく歌詞の素晴らしさに、心底感動する。今までBEGINを見くびっていてすみませんでした。少し落涙してしまったのだけれど、麻婆豆腐の辛さのおかげで、店員にはバレていなかったと思う。

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　久々に台湾人の友人と梅田へ夕食に出かけると、関空から台北への飛行機代がバカ高く、とても帰ろうと思えるような状況ではないらしい。中国人の友達も、春節休みの頃に一度帰郷し、自分が飼っている犬を中国から大阪まで連れてくる予定だったらしいが、コロナのせいで帰郷さえできず、犬も中国で家族に面倒を見てもらうことしかできないとのこと。

　すっかり忘れかけていたが、私も、ゴールデンウィークに北京へ渡る予定だったのに、コロナのおかげで中国東方航空の航空券をキャンセルし全額返金してもらっている。少しだけ貯めていた中国東方航空のマイレージサービスからは、先日、マイル残高がいついつまでに失効しますよ、という機械的なお知らせがメールボックスに届いていた。

　コロナにびくびくしながら生きるこの期間が長くなるほどに、周囲の人や友人知人に「どこも行けなくて、（山本さんは）辛いんじゃないですか？」と言われることがあるが、実のところ、パッキングという旅行前の一大イベントが大嫌いなので、さほど辛いとは思っていない。あのパッキングという作業だけは、何度やっても慣れることができない。それに、今は距離を置いて中国の音楽状況をネットで俯瞰する方が面白いと思っている。

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　家で食事するときに少しずつ、『乐队的夏天』（英名：THE BIG BAND）という中国で大人気のシリーズ番組を見ている。これは、バンドの格付け番組で、しかも、これまではテレビや動画サイトには登場しなかったようなインディーバンドが登場する。番組内では、各出演バンドの裏側にあるストーリーがAmerica's got talentのように感動的ドキュメ��ト映像として放映され、バンドメンバーや関係者のインタビューも取り込んでリズミカルに進んでいく。ステージ上で１バンド１曲演奏し、それを観覧者と、司会者たち、音楽専門家たちが投票により評価する。M-1のようにランキングが決定し、下位の者は淘汰されていく。ときにはバンドのメンバー同士の喧嘩やその後の仲直りの様子が放映されたり、フルタイムの仕事を持っているバンドメンバーが仕事の合間にリハやライブをこなしていく並ならぬ努力の様子に観覧者や司会者が感嘆したり。音楽を聴く上で不必要なバックグラウンドがどんどん公開され言語化される。そして、バンドメンバーらの言動、友や仲間を大事にする姿勢、創作において諦めずに努力する姿勢などが褒め称えられていく。そしてこの番組を見ている私もバンドたちのストーリーを消費しているというわけだ。食事ごとに、もうこれ以上見る必要はないんじゃないかと思うぐらい下世話な番組なのだが、中国のポップ・カルチャー理解と語学習得のための修行と言い聞かせ、嫌々ながらも習慣化させて見ている。コロナを見事封じ込んだとされる中国の首都、北京で収録されているその番組に映る観覧者たちは、マスクこそしているが、ステージ前に密になり、バンドの演奏と一緒に大声で歌い叫び、友達どうし肩を組み、跳ね回る。

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　コロナと生きる社会って、要は、良くも悪くも自分の「慣れ」や「習慣」を増やし妥協していく作業なんじゃないだろうか、と思ったりもする。人と会わないことに慣れてみる。代わりに、人とはメールや手紙を丁寧にやり取りすることを習慣化してみる。海外に行くことを我慢することに慣れてみる。代わりに、身体的に海外に行かなくてもできる、バーチャルな情報収集を習慣づける。もしくは、今まで慣れすぎていたものを見直してみる。今までしょっちゅう聴いて嫌になっていた沖縄の大衆音楽を聴くことは、土井善晴氏が提唱している「基本はご飯とみそ汁で十分」論に近い。みそ汁。こだわらなくても自分の好きな具が一つ入っているだけで、特別なおかずになり、ご飯とみそ汁だけで満足したりする。飽きたと思っていても、実はその中身をまったく見直したことがなかったりする。

　けれども、慣れるとまずいことだってある。『乐队的夏天』のようなインディーを謳っていたものが大衆性を帯びるときには、何らかのプロパガンダが含まれていることも怪しんだ方がいいんじゃないか。慣れすぎる前に、頭を冷やさなければいけない。そういえば、最も慣れてはいけないのは、日本政府がコロナ対策として行った愚策の数々である。当時、Go Toキャンペーンのニュースに違和感を抱き呆れた私たちも、結局は今、その言葉が世間に馴染んでしまったことを認めないわけにはいかない。

　対して、不必要な慣れを断ち切れたこともある。これまで、音楽関係者の末端のすみっこに自分がいると思い込んでいたから、何かと音楽イベントには足を運ぶようにしていたけれど、コロナでイベントが開催されなくなったことをきっかけに、それをやめた。徐々に音楽イベントは再開しているが、もう付き合いでイベントに足を運ぶようなことはしていない。そうしなくても、自分は自分で音楽イベント以外の他からきちんとインプットできているんだということを知ることができた。家で一人で寝転びながら聴く音楽は楽しい。

　コロナを恐れながら生活することにも慣れたし、夏は毎日暑くてもマスクをしたし、外食を減らすことにも慣れた。自分の適応能力をひとつひとつ確かめながら暮らすと、いろんなことができるようになったかのような錯覚に陥るのだが、結局は慣れてしまっただけである。そして自分の生活を全て見直してみると、��れや習慣からくる行動がほとんどである。見えてしまったものも見えていないふりをし、そのまま慣れておいた方が幸せなことも多い。「住めば都」と念じながら、嫌なことには目を瞑り暮らす。

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　新居からは、約30分歩くと繁華街に到着する。引っ越し前には歩かなかった30分という距離を、今は２日に１回は歩く。引っ越しから１週間も経たないうちに、この距離を歩くことに慣れてしまった。夕方、繁華街に向かおうと歩き始めると、寺の鐘の音が聞こえた。「もう5時か。」それ以外は何も思わなかった。ここに引っ越してきた初日は、夕方5時に寺の鐘の音が聞こえることに感動していたのに、もう慣れて、日常の音になってしまった。

（2020年11月2日）

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My thoughts on how to get used to living in a new home

I moved houses. Moving is a pretty big decision for most people, but I feel that I do not ask myself enough questions when making that decision. For example, what is the distance between my new home and my place of work? Where should I go to get food and daily necessities in my new neighborhood? Will all the things I had in my old house fit in my new house? What kind of furniture will I need for my new home?

I have been told that I am decisive but I do not have good judgment. This time, too, I decided to move first, and I did it by saying to myself, "Let's go for it. Everything will be alright." I remember that it was like that when I moved to Okinawa as well. I had only decided on the job and I thought whatever would happen would happen anyway. I am sure that I am here today because everything did turn out alright.

The other day, when I went from my new home in Kobe to my workplace in Osaka for the first time, I became worried about the future. Especially when I have a late shift and leave work at around 9pm, it takes me about two hours to get home due to poor train connections. I laughed to myself that this commute was way too long. Now, I am allowed to work from home one day of my three-day work week thanks to the coronavirus, so I just have to accept the long commute thinking that I am taking a short trip twice a week. Even now, when I have finished opening all the cardboard boxes, things in the new house are still overflowing. Living there will become uncomfortable unless I reduce my belongings.

Whenever I move, I realize that my life is mostly a product of random habit. When I move and the layout of the things around me changes, I cannot remember what I usually do when I wake up in the morning and completely forget my daily routine. When I am not sure what to do, I do things that seem the most useful for me anyway, such as opening my work laptop, busily answering emails, adjusting my schedule, etc. When I do that, time passes really quickly. I look at the clock, and suddenly it is 9:25pm. Huh? What did I do at this time of day when I lived in my old home?

Nevertheless, I am sure I will soon get used to this house and I will be able to laze around or become a couch potato again. I may form a new routine. Although I tend to suffer from constipation or headaches every time my environment changes, I am also good at creating habits for myself.

When I studied abroad in Fujian, China, I complained about the dormitory room I was assigned to. However, in the end, I became too lazy to go out, so I must have been comfortable in the room after all. The chair in the room was almost broken, so I bought a plastic stall chair without a backrest for only about 50 yuan (800 yen at the time) and for a year I studied sitting on that chair.

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My new home is at the foot of a mountain, and when I open the windows, I can distinctly smell the forest. In my memory, it smells like "grandma's house," but I will soon think nothing of it as my nostrils become gradually accustomed to it.

I take the city bus from Sannomiya station to my new home. I take a seat at the back of the bus and look out of the window. On the way, my bus passes other buses with the same system number several times. Whenever the buses pass each other, I always observe both drivers. When I lived in Naha, I often rode the bus, and sometimes I witnessed greetings between drivers, which I enjoyed seeing. Drivers of the same company greeted each other, but apparently did not greet the drivers of other companies. Even among drivers of the same company, some made each other laugh with gestures as though they were close friends, and some coolly nodded to each other without exchanging so much as a glance. Unfortunately, I do not think I will see such scenes of greetings on the Kobe City Bus, which is a shame. It is a shame now, but after living here for six months or so, I may no longer care whether drivers greet each other when the buses meet, and the scenes I saw in Okinawa may disappear from my memory.

When I decide to live in a place where I have never lived before, I always think to myself, "Home is where the heart is" as I sign the rental contract. By the way, many Chinese immigrants have settled in Kobe since the end of the 19th century. I wonder if they also thought that "Home is where the heart is." I learned its expression is "久居則安" (pronounced "Jiǔjū zé ān") in Mandarin.

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One day, when I went to a Taiwanese cuisine restaurant for lunch near my office in Osaka, BEGIN's album was playing as background music: the most famous Okinawan pop band in Japan. It was around 2pm, and I was their last lunchtime customer. I ate spicy mapo tofu while listening to BEGIN in the quiet restaurant. The food was so spicy that my eyes got teary and my nose got runny, so I ate slowly while cooling my mouth with white rice. I could hear the music well because the restaurant was so quiet. The album was sprinkled with various motifs from Okinawan music, including an arranged version of "Kagiyade-fu" and Okinawan traditional music. I was shocked to realize that their music arrangement mixes modern and traditional and it presents true Okinawan Pop Music. Then, finally "Shimanchu nu Takara," had been played which is the most famous song of them in whole of Japan. I used to hear it ad nauseam in Kokusai-dori and other tourist spots in Okinawa. When I heard the intro, I felt annoyed, thinking, "Ah, this anthem again, too much" but the lyrics naturally entered my mind in the empty restaurant. I was deeply moved by the beauty of the lyrics, which I noticed for the first time after leaving Okinawa. I felt bad for underestimating BEGIN until then. I shed a couple of tears, but I think the restaurant staff did not notice—it could very well have been caused by the very spicy mapo tofu.

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I went to Umeda with my Taiwanese friend for dinner for the first time after a long while. According to her, the cost of flying from Kansai Airport to Taipei was so high that she could not even consider returning. A Chinese friend of mine also planned to return home during the Chinese New Year holidays to bring her dog from China to Osaka. However, because of the coronavirus pandemic, he could not go to China at all and had to ask his family to look after his dog.

Although I have almost forgotten about it now, I was also planning to go to Beijing during the Golden Week, but because of the pandemic, I canceled my flight with China Eastern Airlines and got a full refund. I have saved a modest amount of mileage points for China Eastern Airlines, but they sent me a machine-generated email the other day to notify me that my mileage balance would expire on so and so date.

The longer this time of living in fear of the coronavirus continues, the more people around me ask me, "Isn't it difficult for you not to go anywhere?". Actually, I do not mind so much, because I hate the big hassle of packing my suitcase before going on a trip. No matter how many times I pack my luggage, I never get used to it. Besides, I find it more interesting to take an overview of the music situation in China from a distance on the Internet.

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When I eat at home, I watch bits of a TV show called "The Big Band" which is very popular in China. It is a TV program where people rate music bands. It invites indie bands that have not appeared on TV or video sites before. In the program, the story behind each band is aired as a moving documentary similar to those in America's Got Talent, and the program rhythmically develops including interviews with band members and their colleagues. Each band plays one song on stage, and the viewers, MCs, and music experts evaluate the bands by voting. The ranking is decided like M-1 which is the most popular annual Manzai gran-prix in Japan, and those in the lower ranks are eliminated. Occasionally, the program shows scenes of fights between band members and their subsequent reconciliations, and the viewers and MCs express their admiration as they see the extraordinary efforts of band members who have full-time jobs to carry out rehearsals and live performances in their spare time. The program reveals and narrates a great deal of background on the bands, which is not really necessary for listening to the music itself. Thus, people admire the words and actions of the band members, their attitude of respecting friends and colleagues, and their efforts to create music without giving up. In the end, I also consume the stories of these bands as I watch the show. It is such a vulgar program that, at each mealtime, I feel that I should not watch it anymore. Even still, I am reluctantly making it into a habit to better understand Chinese pop culture and learn the language. The show is recorded in Beijing, the capital of China, which is said to have brilliantly contained the coronavirus. The studio audience flock together in front of the stage—albeit wearing masks—and shout, jump, and loudly sing along with the bands, with their arms around each other’s shoulders.

＊

I sometimes think that living in a society that coexists with the coronavirus means, for better or for worse, to make compromises by creating one's familiarity and habits. I try to get used to not meeting people. Instead, I try to get into the habit of exchanging thoughtful emails and letters with them. I try to get used to a situation where I cannot take trips overseas. Instead, I try to get into the habit of collecting virtual information, which I can do without having to physically go abroad. Or, I try to re-evaluate the things I have become too familiar with. My experience of listening to Okinawan popular music, which I had become sick of hearing in the past, is somewhat similar to the stance, "rice and miso soup are good enough as a basic" advocated by cooking expert Doi Yoshiharu. Ah, miso soup. I can turn miso soup into a special side dish without making a fuss by simply adding one of my favorite ingredients, and I can be satisfied with just rice and miso soup. Even if I get tired of something, I may just have to re-evaluate its contents.

However, there are things that we should not get used to. When a TV program that praises indie bands like The Big Band becomes popular, we should suspect that it also contains some kind of propaganda. We have to cool our heads before becoming too engrossed in it. By the way, one thing we should definitely not get used is the number of ridiculous policies introduced by the Japanese government as measures against the coronavirus. Still, I have to admit that Japanese people have got used to the Go To Travel campaign in the end, even though we found the phrase silly and strange at first.

＊

Conversely, I have been able to put an end to some unnecessary habits. In the past, I assumed that I was somewhere at the bottom of the music industry, so I tried to go to music events as much as possible, but the coronavirus has helped me quit the habit as those events have been canceled due to the pandemic. They are gradually returning, but I no longer go to music events to tag along with my friends. I have realized that I can still get the input I need from other sources without going to music events. I enjoy listening to music while lying down alone at home.

I have got used to living in fear of the coronavirus. I wore a mask even when it was hot every day in the summer, and I got used to eating out less. As I live my life while testing my adaptability again and again, I get the illusion that I can now do all sorts of things. However, I have simply grown accustomed to doing these things. When I re-evaluate all aspects of my life, most of my behaviors are the product of habit. It is often the case that you can live more happily if you simply let yourself get used to your situation and pretend not to see things even when you do. I shut my eyes to unpleasant things while saying to myself, "Home is where the heart is."

＊

My new home is about a 30-minute walk from the downtown area. I hardly ever walked for 30 minutes before, but I walk that distance twice a day now. Less than a week after I moved here, I got used to walking that distance. In the evenings, as I started walking toward the downtown, I heard the sound of the temple bells. I simply thought, "It's already 5 o'clock." On the first day I moved here, I was impressed to hear the sound of the temple bells at 5pm, but by now, it has become a daily occurrence and I have got used to it.

November 2nd, 2020

＊

山本佳奈子 / KANAKO YAMAMOTO

ライター。アジア（特に中国語圏）のメインストリームではない音楽や、社会と強く関わりをもつ表現活動に焦点をあて、ウェブzine「Offshore」にてインタビューやコラム記事を執筆。不定期に発行している紙のzineではエッセイを書く。尼崎市出身。2015年から2017年まで那覇に暮らし、2017年から2018年までの一年間は中国福建省福州市にて語学留学。その後、那覇で一年、大阪市此花区で一年暮らし、現在は神戸市在住

Writer. She writes interviews and column articles on the web magazine "Offshore," focusing on non-mainstream music in Asia (especially Chinese-speaking countries) and expressive activities which are strongly related to social issues. She writes essays for the print version of the magazine, which is published irregularly. Born in Amagasaki, she lived in Naha from 2015 to 2017 and studied Chinese in Fuzhou City, Fujian Province, China for a year from 2017 to 2018. Later, she lived in Naha, Okinawa, and Konohana-ku, Osaka for a year each, and now lives in Kobe. https://offshore-mcc.net

#山本佳奈子 #KanakoYamamoto

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blankspacebabys · 8 years ago

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Everyone keeps asking me about my SS story and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to post about it but tbh it’s taking me this long to wrap my mind around the idea that it actually happened to me!!! (Also I’m sorry this ended up being so long??? I really didn’t think I would have this much to say lol)

So it all started on Oct 19th at around 9:30 am I was scrolling through my feed before I left for work and all of a sudden I heard the IM alert go off and saw the notification from Taylor Nation. It took me three times to read through it and realize it was REAL and not just one of those fake accounts. My dad was sitting in front of me and all of sudden I shot up from my seat and started freaking out, he seriously had no idea what was going and jokingly said “What did Taylor like something of yours again?!” And I was like “No no no this is her people contacting me asking me for my phone number!!” I was basically in shock the rest of the day and literally couldn’t keep my hands off my phone. Finally around 2pm I saw a NY number calling me and immediately answered it and heard Natalie from TN’s voice. We talked for a good 3-5 minutes and she said Taylor wanted to invite me to a special event on Sunday the 22nd (3 days away!!) and asked if I was willing to make the drive down to LA (its like 5 hours away from where I live), I immediately said yes and knew there was no way in hell I would miss this opportunity. After getting off the phone with TN I was rushed with tons of different emotions. I was extremely ecstatic, in shock, denial, and tbh I even felt a little guilty (weird right?) that it was happening to me and I couldn't share the experience with anyone else.

ANYWAY FAST FORWARD TO SUNDAY.

When I got to where we were all suppose to meet, I checked in with TN and immediately had so much anxiety, thankfully I met @ithinkiamfinallyswift @redlipclassic91 and @cryslovestaylor right off the bat and we all instantly clicked. (seriously love you girls and so glad I got to experience this night with you girls.)

ANYWHO after we got loaded up into the these buses we were driven up to Taylor’s house, where we were led into her back yard and I kid you not when I say it was the most magical experience. The sun was starting to set behind a few palm trees and we were all out by her pool. There was tons of food spread out on three or four different tables (and the cutest REP cookies and special REP M&Ms). She had the BEST smelling candles with speciality labels with reputation & the SS date printed on each one of them. (Cutest details ever). We all hangout in the backyard for a while, admiring her gorgeous pool, eating food, mingling, Tree was out there talking to fans for a good while as well.

Eventually it was time for us to head inside. We barley had a chance to even sit down and get settled before Taylor came out from one of the rooms, she immediately said she had friends with her and Jack Antonoff, Danielle and Alana Haim, and Ruby Rose all came out and joined us in her living room..casual right?

Taylor made her way to the front of the room, saying hi to everyone. She explained what the night was going to entail and how we had all gotten picked. She explained the meaning or inspiration behind each and every song on reputation, when LWYMMD she asked us if we all wanted to get up and dance.. obviously we did. I remember her running over to where our little group was and started dancing with us, she booty bumped with Kimani and danced with her before she spotted me and came over to me and started GRINDED on me??? Me??? THIS ISN’T EVEN AN EXAGGERATION, HER BUTT WAS UP AGAINST MY WAIST AND WE WERE DANCING TOGETHER. It wasn't until the song stopped until I realized that it had actually happened and one of the girls was like “OMFG KENDRA THAT HAPPENED” dead. I SWEAR TO GOD THIS HAS TO BE ON FILM SOMEWHERE. We watched her cute little self struggle with technology before we got a sneak peek at the ...RFI MV and we all died the two times she showed it to us. THEN, we listened to the rest of reputation, and I wish I could put into words how truly amazing this album is. I loved watching Taylor as she reacted to our reaction to each parts of different songs or lyrics.

I took away SO much from Sunday night but one big thing was that Taylor is honestly SO happy and SO proud of this album.

Our group photo came first and Taylor welcomed us into the room, giving the four of us each another hug before bringing us into a huddle. Taylor walked us over to the LWYMMD throne and said: “So we basically have to make this the best group picture in all of history”. She handed me the phone and told me to act sassy and then insisted she didn’t want to be in the middle of the throne and set us up before we all posed.

When it was my turn, she ran up to me saying, “Kendra? Ken- Kenny? Is it okay iif I call you that?!” I was beyond shook at this point and Taylor looked at me and started laughing. “Yeah, that was a bit more stalkery than you thought huh? I stalked you pretty hard for about a year or so. That’s kinda embarrassing huh?” She pulled me in for a hug and the thing about Taylor never pulling away first from a hug is 100% accurate. After we pulled away she looked at me and shook her head. “Wow it’s so nice to finally hug you!” She said before grabbing both of my hands. I told her how this was 11 years in the making and she had the audacity to thank me for sticking by her for 11 years. I told her about jingle ball among other things and how I loved her shoes 🤦🏼‍♀️ There was a million other things I wanted to say in that moment but literally my mind went blank.

Taylor made me feel so at home and so special Sunday night and it’s definitely something I’ll never forget. I’m so thankful for this opportunity that I never imagined could ever happen to me. I’m also sooo thankful for all the new friends I met and got to experience this with. ❤️

#los angeles secret session #LA secret sessions #secret session #secret sessions #reputation secret sessions #rep secret sessions #~#10.22.17

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daviskrait · 7 years ago

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post patagonia life

I decided to take a break from hostel-hopping and try out another work exchange. I've been in Pucon, Chile for a few days now working as a bartender (lol) at a hostel. Life has slowed down a bit and I am catching up on the last three months of sleep like a TRUE👏🏽SLEEP👏🏽KWEEN. Traveling is a lot of fun, but damn it can be tiring. I have a little Harry Potter room here that is tiny and dark and I give it 5 big ass stars.

My first shift at the bar was ...good? Who knew pouring a beer perfectly could be so hard. Add on top of that; English people like no foam, Dutch like a lot of foam, Irish know more about beer than you ever will, etc. etc. etc. Luckily, I kept my cool and survived the rush of people and one douchey English bloke who complained and rolled his eyes at me. SORRY OLE CHAP, IT'S MY FIRST NIGHT. My hard edge works well in the service industry, apparently.

Anyways, I had my first day off yesterday and the weather was shit. Pouring rain, high winds...the usual. I was excited to explore around town and maybe do a hike, but with the weather I decided laying in bed until 2pm was a better idea. Once the rain cleared, I took a walk. Got back and read my book on the porch. After a while I thought, "Shit. I'm bored."

Boredom isn't really something I face often while traveling and it's not something I deal well with. Even in Denver, I would call my parents and chat about all the past and future events going on yada yada yada, and my mom would often remark, "At least you're never bored, huh?" I told one of my coworkers here that I was bored and he (kind of judge-ily) said, "You must get bored easily." I was like, Yeah. I do. Bud. He is also the type of guy who "doesn't see color" and gets super defensive about everythinggg. Note to self: don't add him on Facebook after this post. After that convo, I decided to just keep reading and my mind began to wander.

When I was working 8-5, my ideal day off would be one where I sat outside reading. Ideally next to a pool. Or went for a walk or hike. Maybe took a nap. I had my ideal day off! And I was complaining about it! I thought about what a good days entails for me. Some good food. Maybe some time to chill on my own to rest and relax. Some time to be social and enjoy the company of others. Time to move my body. I was like, "Huh. All boxes checked, this is a perfect day."

I had to kind of step outside myself to realize this, but it was easy to do once I slowed down a bit. My days, I'm sure as well as anyone else's, can be so affected by whatever mindset I choose. At first, I slapped the word "boring" on my day because it was slow and different from my norm here. Once it was "perfect" I was happy as a clam.

Kind of a magical transformation.

Now, I know if you're reading this at work you are probably like "SUREEEE KAITLIN, ITS EASY TO HAVE A PERFECT DAY WHEN YOU ARE TRAVELING AROUND SOUTH AMERICA, YOU IDIOT." I get it! I know I'm spoiled in this situation! But...I'm just sayin. It's easy to let yourself make or break a day simply by the words you attach to it.

That's all I'm saying! Take it as you will.

Still. I hope you find yourself finding only the good words for your days.

Much love.

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paranoidwino · 8 years ago

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the horse in my dreams

You can read this also on AO3 Please leave a comment!

Happy birthday @ragwitch !!!

Thank you so much for being you and I hope this day is filled with joy and happiness! I hope you like it! :D

“You have 2 new messages!”

Darcy tried really hard not to lunge at her phone; Jane was still there after all.

But she had messages, two new messages.

She looked at the clock surreptitiously, 2.45pm. She deflated immediately. Of course it was just Nene and Bells’ updates. Meh.

Every day since the dawn of time Bells would wake up, bat her cute blonde eyelashes and rise with her golden wings. The sun would rise and Nene would lower the moon and… possibly get into bed? She had never asked what they did after that. It wasn’t even a difficult job, they just needed to give the things a light push. The sun and moon were as self sufficient as her dawn.

She reached for her phone slowly, tapped in the pin and slammed her thumb on the ‘Gate’ app with more force than necessary.

It was a simple app, with just a big red button in the center, and it was exactly that.

Like the useless box, Gate consisted of a button that was created to be pressed at will without any real use. Unless you were Darcy, of course.

She counted the minutes slowly, and as soon as the display signaled the go ahead, swished her thumb again on the red button. A question popped up immediately. “Would you like to proceed?”

Well, yes, or Bells will destroy me… she sighed. Confirm.

“Dawn successful.”

Yay… job done. Was she supposed to feel proud? Like, yay, you pressed the correct button, dawn is coming and humanity will not suddenly wonder why the sun is up at night?

Three more messages had come her way checking if everything was okay.

Darcy huffed.

‘No one panic, all is okay!’ and then she felt guilty, because she wasn’t any more patient than they were. So she added a quick ‘how’s everyone doing?’

The first replies came from the family gods, followed by a slew of ‘I’m okay, how are you?’ from all the minor critters. The big Kahunas didn’t peep at all, but they were always busy (case in point, she didn’t remember the last time they met all together?). Sometimes she wondered what it was like, always being needed and wanted.

Oh, Darcy did have her glory days, back when there were no cars and the only way to move were horses. Ah, the glory of being the goddess of horses during the past five thousand years.

Those times were over, though, and horses were nothing more than a luxury now. She still had to oversee them once in awhile, but now her duties were exclusively composed of ‘making dawn happen’ and ‘protect the heroes’.

And because never let it be said that the Zorya of protection didn’t know how to do her job, she’d planted herself right smack in the middle of it all, at Avengersland.

Okay, it had been completely accidental, but come on! No one should question her methods, seriously.

Avengers Tower was the best place. She’d lived all over the world and in every kind of abode, but this really really took the cake. Well, live was a big word, she mostly crashed into Jane’s apartment. She had her own flat, far from JARVIS and Tony’s prying eyes, but still. Jane wasn’t complaining about her company and she got to cook for everyone in the mornings and have the best view of the city.

“Darcy?” Jane’s voice roused her from her thoughts. “Have you seen Jacob the spectrometer?”

“...You killed Jacob two days ago, Janey. Cannibalized to build Jack, the new and improved version.”

“Oh.” Jane blinked. “And where is Jack?”

“I’ll go fetch it for you.” Darcy huffed. She needed to text a bit more anyways.

‘I need you to step in the Red Zone a bit tonight.’

Darcy gaped.

Reread the message.

Nope, it was still the same.

Her jaw clenched a bit and she clicked her tongue twice.

Had she been in a less public place, she’d have screamed. But she wasn’t. So she waited the end of the day with the same grimace painted on her face.

The moment the door of her apartment closed behind her, however, she wasted no time pressing the ‘recall’ button.

“Hello, you have reached Shira’s voicemail, please leave-”

“Don’t you even dare, you sugary porcupine!” She threatened slowly.

“a message after the beep.”

How dare she!

Darcy hung up and took a big breath. This was not the moment to freak out.

It wasn’t the first time the goddess of immortality, the pink confetti porcupine (who would forever be called ‘slave driver’!), sprung a sudden switch of shifts on her, but this was taking it a bit too far.

One, the Red Zone was in Europe, and she was totally not. Two, it was already night in Europe!

What was she thinking. There was no way she could be in Europe in two seconds without borrowing some serious wind power-up, and she owed the Buyany one favour too many.

No, going in person to patrol the areas between Russia and Austria was not an option.

The only option left was… No. Nope, no.

They had apps now for this, no regalia was necessary to do their job. Heck, she’d dumped the giant shield and double-bed-sized cloak the moment Toth developed the Gate.

As if summoned, the Shield vibrated from its hiding spot in the sealed trunk under her floorboards, making the flat shudder a bit. The neighbours woke up with a gasp, wondering about earthquakes.

Darcy was too classy a god to giggle. Nah, who was she kidding.

But the problem wasn’t solving itself. And the more she waited, the longer the Red Zone would be left unchecked, and this wasn’t ideal.

She checked her phone. Nope, Gate was closed until 2pm for her. Rude.

She groaned. She’d have to do it ‘old school’.

List lied.

They all did.

All these people with their ugly minds and their disgusting paws and their beady eyes.

Wanda was done with them.

She put her hands on the wall that she shared with her brother’s prison and pressed her face into it. They didn’t let them talk to each other, they couldn’t even see each other.

But these mad men watched. They saw everything.

Pietro and Wanda’s rooms were glass cubes for Hydra, the only walls separating them from each other and from the outside. She supposed she was lucky. Her room had a tiny bolt hole that made it possible to look outside. It almost made up for the lack of toilet or privacy.

...Who was she kidding.

She was seventeen, and these soldiers and scientists had seen her in various states of undress, they’d stared at her as she ate, probably ogled her while she slept.

She fought a wave of nausea.

Suddenly the little window at the top of her cell seemed the only good thing of this place of torture.

Liberation Front for Sokovia my ass, she despaired.

She and Pietro had thought this was the answer. They were finally doing something for their country, this was what their parents would have wanted.

But it wasn’t true.

They’d been played like the kids they were and now it was just them out of over 200 candidates for the List procedure, the remaining 198 killed by the Sceptre.

The Sceptre. She shivered.

It had shown her everything, a new life and a purpose. It had given her powers.

But it probably didn’t intend to give her such a power, because she could see and feel its machinations behind the kind words, and after a while she stopped responding to them.

She didn’t show it, lest they start torturing her again, but she was free.

And she was going to free her brother too.

Wanda watched with trepidation as the last of her handlers fell asleep. They usually did that. Sleep and presumably wake up when she was asleep. They never bothered with security cameras either, since the whole cage was all glass panels and there was nowhere they could hide.

No matter, tonight, she was going to peek from the window and plan her escape.

Only, there was no light outside, no moon to show her the way, and her cubicle was so bright the contrast didn’t really allow for any kind of visual.

She cursed in Sokovian and refrained from spitting on the floor.

It was then that she saw it.

A magnificent, shining horse, as big as the mountains surrounding her beautiful Sokovia, trotting slowly across the forest with his huge legs. He was made of smoke, or wisps of light, she didn’t know, but he was silent as a grave and his hooves didn’t make the ground tremble after him. Maybe she was dreaming, after all.

But it didn’t look like a dream. It didn’t feel like one.

And before she knew it, the horse became rosy and red and golden, reached the horizon line, and it was dawning already.

She lowered herself to her cot, pleased that no one had noticed, and contemplated the exceptional event.

There was only so much her brain could have made up. If, and it was a big if, she wasn’t dreaming, if this was real and the horse had been real too, there was only one explanation that made sense.

It was a very shaken Wanda Maximoff that, for the first time in years, curled into a corner and prayed.

Thousands of miles afar, Gate was opened again.

“You have one message.”

Huh.

That was weird. Like, really weird.

Darcy glanced at her clock, it was still obscenely early for Nene to start bitching at her, he should be recharging the moon in… five hours? Six, maybe? She was totally not responsible this time: dawn was not happening for another good fifteen hours.

It wasn’t Nene, or Bells. It so wasn’t. Darcy almost dropped from the chair she was sitting on, attracting Jane and Natasha’s attention.

“Is everything alright?” Natasha asked, sipping at her drink with an elegance one wouldn’t give to a Russian with vodka.

Evening drinks between girls were the shit, seriously, and Jane was a STEM major, she had the best friends and the best recipes when it came to experimental alcohol.

“Yeah, yeah.” Darcy laughed nervously. “It’s just… Nothing, nothing!”

Natasha looked at her curiously for a moment longer, but then went back to talking with Pepper about Tony and apparently that was that (she didn’t believe that for a second, Nat had a perfect track record at being inconspicuous. She’d have to warn the dreams god, just in case).

But this… this hadn’t happened to her since, well, at least since cars were invented, maybe even earlier!

Someone had prayed. Like this was an honest to ...could she even say ‘honest to God’?, well, anyway, this was an official request, a 100% legit message. For her!

She could think of nothing else all night long, and it came almost as a relief when everyone bade each other goodnight and they all went their separate ways (‘I’m taking a cab, Nat, I am not going home alone, promise!’...As if).

She swiped her hand over the Gate, excited for the first time to open the dreaded app. Of course, the excitement lasted for all of three seconds. She had expected a prayer for a horse, maaaaybe a thank you for the most beautiful dawn of all times, but her stomach bottomed out in panic when she read the three words.

‘Please, save us.’

It was signed as ‘Wanda Maximoff, 17’ and followed by an information overload about her whereabouts and past. Toth had done his job alright with this app, she hardly had to do anything at all to find the believer.

Darcy’s heart broke at the story behind the girl… Young woman, she amended. One doesn’t suffer this much without becoming a woman, and she wished she could solve all of her problems with a simple waving of her hand. She couldn’t.

There had been a time, when she’d been the strongest of protectors, when she could have wielded her Shield and instilled terror on the assailants of the poor and weak, when she could have taken her Cloak and protected everyone. These times were long over. No one asked for this kind of help anymore, no one fed her with power to do it.

But the idea of leaving this girl, who had probably swallowed more pride than she was allowed to, and that was probably scared witless with no hope to escape, to die cold and alone made tears spring to her eyes (and she was not a pretty crier, despite what the bards had said about her and morning dew… yeah nope).

Her Shield rattled from under her floor. The lamps flickered.

No, she couldn’t abandon Wanda and pretend nothing had happened. “I… suppose I could ask Nene for help… He’s bound to owe me one in the next few centuries.”

With a nod she moved her bed and the wooden planks that separated her from her trunk. The Shield was too impatient, however, and with one last rattle, ecstatic to be so close to its master, broke free of the containment measures put upon it and rolled at her feet.

She huffed and stroked it affectionately. It hummed a bit, as if purring.

“You impatient little thing”, she scolded him playfully. “Looks like we’re going into battle once again.”

“Oh? Are you?”

Crap.

“Ah!” She jumped at the sound and scrambled on her feet.

“So,” Clint started out from the window he was perched on, “Nat tells me to check on you because you might have gotten in some trouble and here you are, with a ...is that a Shield at your feet?”

“...If I told you nothing is happening and that even if I don’t come back by tomorrow everything is cool as cucumber, would you believe me and report these exact words to Nat?” His eyebrows reached the hairline of his incredulous face. “Yeah, didn’t think so.” She gestured vaguely at the bed, “Come in, it’s already a mess without you falling from the windowsill.”

Clint pouted. “There’s the fire escape under the window, I’m fine.”

“Right.” She deadpanned. “We’ll just say the last four times were all calculated.”

His pout cleared and he shrugged, but he still entered her room and sat on the bed.

They looked at each other in silence for a few minutes.

And a few minutes was already too much time she was losing there.

“Look.” She started awkwardly, “if you’re done staring, I really need to get going. I’ve got an appointment to sell my soul, yeah?”

That shocked him into moving again. “Sell your soul? To who?”

“Nene.” She replied absentmindedly. The trunk was still unlocked under the floor, so she reached forward and physically dove into it to look for her Cloak.

“Who’s Nenay?”

Darcy’s head poked from the lid of the trunk. “Nene.” She repeated, louder. “He’s the god of the moon.”

Clint blinked.“...Okay. Why are you selling your soul to the god of the moon?”

Darcy huffed, closed the trunk with a snap (no trace of her Cloak, go figure, prissy thing) and looked at him, then made a ‘ta-da’ gesture with her fingers. “I don’t… think I’m going to sell my soul, like, whole soul, but man I’m going to owe him after tonight.” She looked meaningfully at the trunk. “If I manage to leave somewhere in the next century.”

“Why are you selling your soul?” He looked serious now. Whole body forcefully relaxed and eyes fully focused on her.

“...Fine.” She sighed and ruffled her hair. “I received the first real prayer since… I don’t know, maybe 1760? Ish? Later? I can’t remember, but I didn’t have believers at all and this girl needs my help and I need to reach the other side of the world tonight and unless I sell my firstborn to Nene there’s no way I’ll be able to penetrate an enemy base and leave with two mortals.”

“You’re a god.” He was… very cool about it, considering the last ‘god’ he’d met was an Alien prince that wanted to kill mankind. She nodded. “I... I’m just trying to do my job. I need to do my job. And that girl needs me.”

He mulled it over a bit, and then clapped his hands. The bed bounced with his sudden movement. “Okay, where are we going?”

Reasoning with Clint about party members’ veto was like championing to discuss reason with a goldfish. Useless and counterproductive.

“You’re not going” turned into “You’re not going alone” and then “Oh my God okay you’re coming but only because Nat is coming too” and again “Fine, but there will be no blowing up stuff.”

He wasn’t extremely cooperative on that point, either.

In the end, Darcy was persuaded that waiting another day would not kill the poor girl (she had received another two messages from Wanda in the last three hours, so far the situation hadn’t changed… much) and that Natasha’s expertise with Hydra (who was not dead, apparently!) and the Red Zone would be invaluable while planning a rescue.

Rogers and Tony were away from the base and it was best not to bother them, Thor was who knew where and Bruce was best left in the Tower in case they needed a ‘doctor’ of the Avengers variety upon their return.

Natasha was supremely unconcerned with Darcy’s weird request, like being asked to reach a country to storm a base where children were tortured was hardly a Wednesday activity. Considering who the woman was, she was probably right.

They hit the first snag when Clint said the words ‘stealing a jet’ all in the same sentence.

“We’re not stealing a jet,” Darcy said with finality.

The two spies looked at her sideways. “Darcy,” Natasha started slowly, “if you want to keep this op under wraps, not announcing it on paper is the safest idea. We can always make up a story later.” She added reassuringly. Clint was nodding beside her.

“No no no, no one is stealing anything to get to Sokovia. We don’t need to anyways. It’s night.”

Natasha looked at her with sudden understanding. Her eyes widened a fraction and flitted all around her.

“...And just how did you plan to get there?” Clint said challengingly.

“Are you an immortal?” Asked Natasha at the same time.

They looked at each other and there was some kind of silent conversation there, because Clint raised his hands and Natasha started with her questions again.

“Are you immortal?” Darcy nodded. The spy nodded back. “Are you able to guarantee your package complete immunity?”

Darcy thought about her Shield, which was not able to withstand a bullet barrage but was very willing to try, and her Cloak which was indeed able to resist such a thing, but wasn’t willing to leave the trunk at all, and shook her head.

“Okay, we need contingencies for this.”

“Are we going to address how to get there?” Clint asked loudly.

“We’re using the horse, of course.” said Natasha immediately.

“What horse?!”

The horse, as Nat had playfully called it, was at least ten times the size of a quinjet. Who was he kidding, it was probably as big as a mountain.

Wispy and evanescent, the horse of the goddess of dawn was truly a majestic thing.

Unfortunately, Clint had no idea of how to pet it… he was barely as tall as its hooves.

Darcy, or whatever she was called, he supposed, was openly laughing at his awestruck face.

“Don’t worry,” she winked. “He can shrink.” She raised a hand, and the horse became smaller. Still big, for he was as big as an elephant, but definitely more manageable than what he was before.

The horse’s intelligent eyes darted all around, looking for threats. Finding none, he started chewing on the grass (or tried, because evanescent ghost horses could not eat real world grass, apparently).

“How is a horse of this size even going around unnoticed?”

Darcy’s smile dimmed a bit, “no one really believes in us anymore, Clint. We’re myths.”

Oh.

“...Are you going to disappear if this ‘only prayer’ dies?”

Darcy shrugged. “Nah. The universe needs its order. You can’t kill one of us without killing everyone else in the process, and there’s always someone believing in Life or Death, if not in a superior God that is Good versus Evil. It’s an all or nothing kind of thing.” She seemed extremely dismissive of the possible disappearance of her species, but Clint supposed it was fair.

Despite believing there was no God, no one could deny that Death was very much a thing.

“That’s…convenient.”

The goddess flashed him a smile and preened a bit. “We try. We did invent an app to do the job for us, after all!”

She put a hand in the horse’s mane, prompting him to turn his head, and stared into his milky white eyes. “Fly fast, my dearest, sali sali sali.”

The horse neighed loudly, and maybe it was him, but had the wind picked up?

“Come.” Darcy’s voice sounded different, and when had she mounted the horse anyway?

She extended her right hand to Nat and helped her climb up.

“Come, Clint.” She said next.

Well… he’d never been horse riding before.

Flying was always awesome.

Pity she couldn’t do it often, what with being very busy and all.

They were flying as fast as her horse’s magic was carrying them, invisible to anyone under the thick cover of his misty fur. They’d reach Sokovia soon enough, and hopefully before Nene and Bells had reasons to complain (‘they’re the big shots in my line of work, okay? like… ugh. Yeah, the jerks.’).

“Wasn’t the creature following the Sun supposed to be a dog?” Asked Natasha from behind her. “Ah… maybe? Then again, I heard stories of me being married to the Sun, who is my father, and carrying his spawn.” That was the story, right?

“Isn’t it true?”

“Nope.” She popped the p. “The ‘Sun’ is a girl, she’s very much not interested into a relationship with me, she’s got a kid who I’m pretty sure is a vampire… and last I checked I didn’t have kids. I do, however, have the cutest dog called Baker!” she added.

“Huh, you kept that dog from New Mexico.” Clint mumbled from behind.

“Yeah yeah… and hey, look, we’re here!”

“We’ve barely flown for one hour!”

“...Have we? Damn, I’m going to owe the winds my firstborn.”

Ten minutes out, two guards in, two guards out, ten minutes...

Wanda Maximoff was going crazy.

But she couldn’t stop counting for a second, or she’d lose the all important moments once again. Every four hours and thirty two minutes, the guards would switch and make a slightly longer round across the lab, and that was the moment she had to strike.

She pressed her hands together. If only her powers were consistent and controllable in any way.

In the cell beside her, she heard her brother scream as another bout of whatever the Sceptre had done to him attacked him.

Pietro.

She may not be the eldest, but she was done waiting for these madmen to kill them or brainwash them into compliance. She’d save her brother herself.

Seven more seconds and the shift would be over. Six… Five… Four… Three

BOOM.

Strucker’s castle shook with force and everything around her trembled.

The walls behind her creaked in agony and she gripped at the solid bars of the tiny bolt hole she’d used as a window.

The guards had all left shouting in languages she didn’t understand.

Outside of the castle, the huge horse of mist stood proudly in front of List’s and Strucker’s men, mockingly unruffled by the pellets and bullets he was being shot with.

How was it even possible that they could see him so clearly when just three days ago they hadn’t batted an eye at his passage.

The grunts of someone outside her cell had her whirl around. She should have been running already!

But it was a Hydra henchman who was grunting in pain, as the well shaped thighs of a redhead in an expensive tac-suit choked him from behind.

A man with strong arms and a petite woman wielding a shield bigger than her followed suit.

“I said no explosions Clint, it wasn’t hard!” The tiny woman was grouching in English. Wanda’s English wasn’t great, but she could get by. These were not Hydra, she could tell.

“Who are you?” She called in accented English, her hands sparking a bit with her power. If they meant harm, she’d deal with them.

The woman’s head whirled toward her and her face transfigured into an expression of pure joy. “Wanda? Is that you?”

Wanda frowned. “You know me?”

The woman nodded fervently, so fast it looked like her head might detach from her body at any minute. She studied the glass cage in front of her, prowled around it like a lion, then pressed her lips into a thin line, brandished her shield with both of her hands, and just… hit it.

And the glass in front of her broke to bits and she was free.

“Yes!” The woman’s arms embraced her and Wanda couldn’t understand why. “Of course I know you! You sent for me!”

Wanda’s eyes widened, because this woman, she couldn’t possibly be…

“I’m Darcy.” Darcy smiled. “Patron of horses, dawn and protectors. It’s so good to meet my most important -and only- believer.”

Life continued and soon everyone was back to their routine.

Pietro and Wanda had settled in nicely, Clint being a constant presence in their life and probably best moral compass they could find, especially until they managed to fully control their powers.

For her part, Darcy kept her jobs of Avengers-herder and divine powers as she had.

The fact that she now had a couple of faithfuls didn’t really change anything (yeah, she’d hoped in something… more?), apart from the weirdest messages.

“You have one new message!”

Darcy didn’t even look, this time. She swiped her cell phone and pressed on Gate absentmindedly.

The gate was closed.

She frowned and looked at the time. Yeah… it was a bit too soon to start her job. Whoops.

She checked her phone and smiled.

Dinner with us? Pietro is cooking. Wanda

#darcy lewis #darcyland #goddess darcy lewis #fix-it #happy birthday queenie!#wanda needs a hug #clint is awesome

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mangotheavocado · 5 years ago

Text

Mental Ward Part 3

So we had our first meeting and all talking about who know’s what.. i was very very nervous talking about it.. so i was very quiet that first time.. lasted about 30 minutes to almost an hour

We had our first smoke break.

At that time i never smoked so i never ever had any cigs at that time.. people looking at me funny because i don’t smoke.. i do now but that’s till later..

Their was this one girl who came up to me and asked me why i don’t smoke.. i said “ i don’t really like smoking.. but i love the fresh out doors at least “

She looked at me into my eyes and said “ I don’t fucking like you and i hate you already “

I said “ You don’t even know me and you already hate me? It’s fine with me “

My room mate who smokes like a chimney told me .. “ Just ignore her because she is here for a reason and she is a loon.. “ Knowing me.. i was just already tired of this place and wanted to escape already..

BUT

Time went on and i was getting used of everyone and I already knew what everyone was in here for..

We had so many groups i wasn’t keeping track of it all anymore.. we had art,music,reading,yoga,bible studies... ect ect..

Smoke breaks were very nice but that one woman who wanted to kill my ass.. luckily she went home awhile later.. so i was happy as a clam.. EVERYONE was happy too.. we all danced and all because she was the meanest one out of the whole group.

Coffee was fucking golden there.. First Comes First Serve as i see it.. I always got hot coffee with extra cream and sugar.. and people looked at me like HOW THE FUCK .. Exact face what they looked at me for lol!

While later.. most people left and new people come join.. when you leave you have to be put on a bus and then they drop you off at the nearest location where you lived and then you go where ever .. My room mates never left ever.. they been here so long.. they call it home.. really sad to see..

One of them been there for 6 years and other one was there for 9 months.. They had their stories..

People who been there had different reasons.. Drugs,Depression..Ect Ect..

I was there for severe depression..

SO...

Medicine time.. You take medicine every morning , afternoon and night.. depending on what type you had.. one i had was only mornings.. called “ Zoloph “ not sure if that’s the spelling.. This is how you got to have your medicine.. you get doctors.. different ones each time.. you have to explain what you had.. then they put you on what they think is best for you..

I had one named Dr.Serpus.. he was awesome but i feel like he hid something all the time, because he always sneaky.. Most of the staff here are mostly jamaican.. but that is okay because i don’t care what color you were.. as long as you were respectful... maybe 3% white here..

Most patience who came in were white.. some were racist so i never hung with them...

So one day this dude who was maybe about 25-26 came in.. and the first thing he told me was “ WOW you are so god damn beautiful.. why the hell are you even in here... “ i was shocked..because he was new and he just walked in.. JUST i repeat JUST walked in..

I said “ well thanks? “ he said “ anytime my princess “

Its funny because he looked so fucking normal.. until one day he snapped so hard and we had a code yellow.. because he didn’t like one of the staff here... ALSO at one point he got so addicted to me.. he wouldn’t leave me alone.. and when he hugged me.. they pulled me aside and him aside saying “ no hugging allowed” I was like “ for real ? its fine haha “

I was the hottest one in that whole mental ward i guess because, everyone i mean everyone had the biggest crush on me , men and woman.. it was mad weird.. because i never got this many people liking me at the same time..

EVEN some staff was hitting on me.. i’m trying to get help but half the staff wanted to get in my pants..

But anyways .. My roommates and i ended up being the pack leader of everyone.. somehow we did.. and when new people came in .. we made them feel good about them selves and we made everyone happy.. EVEN the group leaders we had told us that “ You and your roommates make a great pack leader “ I was like “ NIOCE “ it was amazing.. each day everyone was growing on me like family.. so i was happy .. BUT not gonna lie.. the first time i went in .. i cried the first night..because i missed everyone.. and i got used to it after days later..

We had a few code yellows before.. we all had to be in our rooms and all.. i was so fucking high from my medicine that i didn’t even care.. it took me few to get used of my medicine.. because it made me feel weird and my vision was tripled.. and it was weird as hell.. but then i got used to it.. really good medicine to make you sleep..

Then while later.. this random man came out of his room stark naked.. saying “ CAN I GET FUCKING ATTENTION NOW, HUH ? “ it was kinda sad because everyone did ignore him.. i mean i was because he was so weird and like he was really crazy and would fight anyone on site .. but like he wasn’t mean.. its just that if you stare at him.. he would wanna fight you... so yah..

This one dude who was about mid 30′s was so adorable.. he was very shy and he was like 6′5.. and he spoke all random stuff like every 5 seconds and couldn’t stop talking and it was okay.. he was so innocent.. reason why he was put away because his mother abandon him when he got older.. she couldn’t handle him anymore.. so hes been there for ever.. but he was a huge chain smoker.. huge.. he’s still here today..

Later on in time.. my room mates actually went home.. changed lives.. so happy for them.. and most people left too.. THEN i left.. the day was amazing! I left about 2pm .. my friend picked me up and thank god.. I didn’t want to take a bus home and wait hours for an actual ride... thank god my friend came through.. I had more stories to tell you but it’s too personal and its very secreted so.. maybe one day..

Everyone said goodbye to me and hugged me .. that’s when you can actually give hugs haha..

PS: The Leader of my group turned out to be a HITLER fan.. everyday he stood up and said with this arm pointing up like hitler always did “ Hail Seizer “ which means hitler in a diff language.. That really shocked me so.. yah.. but anyways i had a great time in there and it changed me from this day.

I ended up not being on that medicine anymore.. but i notice i didn’t need it anymore.. i am my own person and i do not need medicine to help me be happy!!

Ended up smoking cigs , but its okay :) helps me anyways...

I know its bad but its my life and my body..

Thank you for anyone out there who listened to my story :) Hope you enjoyed it!!

#myblog #rawstories #the blogger speaks #blogger #mental hospital

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upthenorthmountain · 8 years ago

Text

Between the Lines - Chapter 1

Prologue here and I’ll make this its own page soon

Modern AU, rated K, 2175 words!! I know!

Chapter 1

One Saturday in early March Kristoff Bjorgman - best-selling author of the Detective Olaf Snøvenn series - found himself pulling up outside a small modern block of flats, about ten miles from his own home. He’d volunteered to drive first, so he was here to collect this Anna Rendell woman so that they could drive to Milton Keynes, of all places. Tonight they were staying at the Milton Keynes Travel Tavern, then tomorrow to Northampton, then home.

He looked at his watch. Right, better go and fetch her.

The intercom buzzed and then there was the clatter of someone fumbling with the handset.

“Hello?”

“Ah, hi, is that Anna Rendell?”

“Yes, are you Chris Bergman?”

“Kristoff Bjorgman.”

“Oh, sorry! Come up! No, wait, I’ll come down, wait there.”

The front door was shouldered open a couple of minutes later by a pretty young woman with long red hair. She was carrying a large cardboard box. “Hi! Great to meet you! Can I put this in your boot?”

He took the box from her automatically. “I’ll do it - don’t you own a suitcase?”

“Of course, it’s upstairs - I’ll just fetch it. That one’s other stuff. Won’t be a sec, hang on, be right back -” and she ran back off and up the stairs behind her.

While he was rearranging the boot of his car she appeared beside him, with a pink case. “This is my actual overnight bag, with my clothes and things - the box is for the bookshop. While we’re at the bookshop.”

“Won’t they have the books there?”

“Yes, of course, but this is - hang on.” She reached past him and pulled the top of the box open. “Colouring sheets, bookmarks - aren’t they cute, these ones are fairy wands and these ones are unicorn horns - and I had some wordsearches but I think they’re all gone - and fairy biscuits.” She opened the cake tin and showed him a pile of star-shaped biscuits covered in pink icing and silver sprinkles. “I only put the bunting up if there’s a good place for it.”

“...huh.”

“I like to think of it as being like a party, you know?”

Kristoff finished stowing everything in the back and they took their seats in the car. “I guess you don’t get many kids at your things, normally,” Anna said.

“I think there was one, once.”

Anna laughed. “It’s so funny they put us together, isn’t it? Our audiences couldn’t be more different.”

“That’s what I said to Sue.”

“As long as they don’t get us mixed up. It’s probably just because we live near each other so they thought we could travel together.”

“Probably.”

They drove along in silence for a bit. “Shall I put the radio on?” Anna said.

“Why?”

She opened and shut her mouth a couple of times. “Because music is nice? But I suppose we don’t have to. How long until we get there?”

He glanced at the satnav. “Hour and a half, maybe.”

“OK.” Anna looked out of the window for a moment. “I like your car. I feel very high up. I’m not so big on leather seats, though, I feel like I’m sliding about and if you wear a skirt, you know, your legs stick….but it’s comfortable.”

“Thanks.”

“And so clean! I shall have to get mine valeted before I let you in it. If you’ll fit, it’s a Corsa. And you’re so tall.”

“Mmm.”

“Do you have any children?”

“No. I live alone.”

“As all mystery authors should! I don’t either. I mean, I don’t have any children, I do live alone...I love kids though. Well, you probably guessed.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

“I’d love to have a daughter one day….though knowing my luck she’d probably hate my books, ha.”

“My niece is seven,” Kristoff found himself volunteering. “I don’t know if she reads your books but she loves all that fairy and unicorn stuff.”

“Really? How lovely - I’ll sign her one if you want.”

“I think we’re up their way in a couple of weeks, my sister said they’d come to the signings.”

“Oh, great! That’ll be nice.”

Kristoff remembered when he’d told his sister who he was travelling with. Katja had immediately looked her up online, and he’d been treated to a round of she’s so pretty! Is she single? Well, now he could answer that question, but he didn’t think his sister should buy a hat just yet. Lord this woman could talk. She was still talking.

“It’s nice to get out of the city, isn’t it? Even on the motorway - is this a motorway or just a dual carriageway? Dual carriageway. The views are good, though - sheep! Did you see the sheep? - I like taking the train usually but it’s nice to be chauffeured. On my first tour I had a driver but I think those days are over! That was mainly in London, anyway.”

“Don’t you want to drive next time?”

“Where’s next time? Brighton? Oh, I love Brighton! You could go to the seaside any time, but you never do, do you? We could have fish and chips on the pier. Where are we eating tonight?”

“No idea. You choose.”

----

Waterstones in the shopping centre in Milton Keynes had a big blackboard by the front door, headed AUTHOR EVENTS. And Kristoff was up first (KRISTOFF BJORGMAN - FIRE & ICE - READING AND Q&A 2PM - SIGNING 2:30PM, and the author photo he’d never liked but his mother loved (‘You look so distinguished’)).

He hated this part. The signing was okay, having the same conversation several times in a row but with just one person at a time, he could do that. Having to stand at the front and talk to an audience was torture.

Well, such audience as there was. Four people, and then Anna, who had insisted on joining in. More people would probably actually be better as then he wouldn’t feel obliged to make eye contact with them each in turn.

No sooner had the last mystery fan shuffled away with his signed copy than the bookshop started rearranging the chairs (moving them further back - for the parents, Anna explained), setting out colouring sheets, putting up bunting. Anna flitted about helping them, laughing and chatting and making all the staff her new best friends. She seemed to be genuinely enjoying herself.

She even arranged the biscuits nicely on a plate. They were quite good.

----

“‘I’m glad to see you, girls,’ Queen Merryhooves said. ‘Some very odd things have been happening here in the Sparkle Realm.’ ‘Is it Emperor Sinistro?’ Ruby asked. She remembered all the times they had helped Queen Merryhooves stop Emperor Sinistro and his naughty mischief monkeys from causing trouble in the Sparkle Realm. But the Queen shook her head and her golden horn shimmered in the sunlight. ‘I don’t think so. In fact, I don’t know who it could be!’” Anna looked up and smiled at her audience, a semi-circle of little girls, watching her with rapt attention. She continued. “The sisters looked at each other. ‘What sort of odd things?’ Pearl asked…”

Kristoff leant against the back wall. Why was he listening to this nonsense? He should have slipped out and got a coffee or something, but he had been a little curious, and now he was trapped - it would look rude to leave in the middle. Half the parents in the chairs at the back of the room were on their phones and the other half were staring into space, but standing he was more visible and felt like he had to pay attention. Tomorrow he’d make a sharper exit.

“Well!” Anna said, closing the book. She was sat cross-legged on a large cushion, with the children sat around her. “Did you all like that?”

“Then what happened?” a little girl with blonde pigtails said.

“Oh, I don’t have time to read it all now, I’m afraid, sweetheart.”

“But I want to know what happens.”

“It was pixies,” an older girl next to her said. “The title is The Puzzling Pixies so it’s going to be about pixies.”

Anna laughed. “You worked it out! Clever you.”

“I don’t read your books any more,” the older girl explained. “I used to but I’m bigger now. My favourite author is Jacqueline Wilson. I’m just here because Poppy wanted to come. She’s my little sister.”

“Well, that’s nice, to do things with your sister.”

“Sisterhood is the strongest magic!” the little girl exclaimed. Anna laughed again. “That’s true! Well, I’m glad you’re all here. Did anyone have anything else they wanted to ask me about? About any of the stories? Not just this one.”

There was silence for a moment. Then another little girl, on the other side of the circle, put her hand up hesitantly. “Yes, flower?”

“Why….”

“Yes?”

“Why does Queen Merryhooves have a GOLD horn but the other unicorns have SILVER horns?”

“Because she’s the Queen, my darling. Unicorns don’t wear crowns, so she has a golden horn instead to show she’s the Queen.”

“Oh...”

“That’s in the first book,” the older girl said firmly. “Queen Merryhooves has her conoration and the fairies make her horn gold with magic because she’s queen now.”

“They do. Well remembered.”

“And Ruby and Pearl have ice cream,” another child volunteered.

“They do! What’s your favourite flavour of ice cream?”

-----

“Did I hear one little girl tell you her mum said they weren’t buying the book today, they were going to get it from the library?”

Anna laughed and put down her menu. “Yes. Don’t worry, I’ve heard that one before, I don’t take it personally. Probably half the people at yours were thinking that even if they didn’t say it.”

“True.”

“She’ll read it, anyway. That’s why you write, isn’t it? To be read.”

“The sales are nice.”

“Well, of course.”

The waitress came over and took their order. Anna had found a Zizzi that was walking distance from the hotel (“How about Italian? I feel like pizza, how about you? Or they do pasta and other things as well, is that okay?” He really hadn’t cared).

“So what do you read?” Kristoff asked.

Anna tilted her head to one side. “What do you think I read?”

“I don’t know. Fantasy, I guess. Romance. Austen.”

Anna nodded. “Not far out. Not super into fantasy but I read it, mainly modern stuff. Not Mills & Boon or bodice-rippers but I do like love stories. ‘Women’s fiction’ because men’s fiction is just fiction….and yes, Austen. And I think you read a lot of mysteries.”

“Because I write them?”

“Yes - and I think you like puzzles. I read your book. It’s very well put-together.”

“Thank you. Yeah, I guess I like working out how all the pieces of the story go together. It’s satisfying.”

“Did you like mine?” Then she burst out laughing. “Your face! It’s okay, I know you haven’t read it.”

“I’m sorry - I was going to, but -”

“But then you remembered you’re an adult man and not a seven-year-old girl. It’s okay. Not everything is for everyone. I would never have picked yours up if we weren’t doing this tour together.”

“Well, thanks for helping my numbers.”

“Oh, I didn't buy it, I got it out of the library.”

-----

His hotel room seemed very quiet that evening.

-----

On the drive to Northampton Kristoff relented and let Anna put the radio on. It did stop her chatter to a certain degree, but he hadn’t anticipated it would lead to quite so much singing.

Anna found the local station, and it played a lot of songs that she knew, and she sang along to all of them. If she wasn’t sure of the words she guessed, and if she didn’t know them at all she hummed. She even sang along to the station jingle (“This - is - HEART!”). Fortunately her voice was fairly good, and it only took half an hour or so for her to stop encouraging him to sing as well.

Maybe for next week he’d bring her a big bag of toffee. Or a gag.

The day gradually got worse. There was nowhere to park in Northampton and they ended up with a ten-minute walk to the bookshop, Kristoff carrying Anna’s big box of colouring pages and bunting (she insisted on carrying the biscuit tin). Only two people turned up for his reading, and twenty-seven - counting children and adults - to Anna’s. And on the walk back to the car afterwards it started raining and didn’t stop all the way home.

It was properly dark by the time he left Anna, her box and her little pink suitcase outside her flat. She invited him in for a cup of tea but Kristoff couldn’t take one more minute of someone talking without his head exploding so he declined as politely as he could manage and drove himself home.

At the end of the road his phone pinged and he checked it at the traffic light.

thanks so much for doing all the driving this weekend!!

my turn next time, see you soon

Anna x

#kristanna #modern au #between the lines #fanfic #fanfiction

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kissesand-scars · 8 years ago

Text

Last moving day.

Chapter one

“Iris”

I woke up in the afternoon. It was dark and slightly warm. I turned in bed looking for my phone I found it after a lazy struggle under the far edge of my pillow. i grab it and with half open eyes I check the texts I missed coming all morning.

Phone unlocked. The dim light hurts my still sleepy eyes. I find a lame joke from the group I barely respond to, a couple of work related messages and of course I skip those on a Saturday afternoon. And then I find five consecutive messages from Maddison. Whom last I spoke to was last night about the book that kept me on edge for few days. I check the messages. She’s been moving around lately and finally decided to settle in with her boyfriend Max, they’ve been going out for a year now. Today is the last day of moving and she’s been nagging me to come over and help her move. But I’ve been procrastinating and I ran out of excuses and I guess I’ll cave today. Especially because she received a dear old piece of furniture today and she needs help moving it to her new apartment.

I shook the remainder of sleep off my eyes. I rolled off the bed, went to the kitchen to make some coffee and I kept scrolling on my phone catching on what I missed last night hoping that someday I’ll give up this misfortunate habit.

My phone rings, it’s Maddison. I’m too lazy and non-sober to talk on the phone just yet. Maddie Knows I don’t answer my phone when I wake up or before coffee for the matter. So she must really need me now, I picked up. She’s all energetic and sort of panting like she has been running or doing some exercise.

“Hey Maddie, Morning.”

“It’s past afternoon you sleepyhead.”

“Yeah, Okay. I saw your texts, it’s today huh?”

“Yes, and please please, I really need your help moving this piece. It just arrived this morning and the movers wrapped it too poorly and I can’t leave it like this to the rest of the day. It will gather dust and this might ruin the wood. It’s ancient you know.”

“…uhmm, what was it again?”

“It’s my grandmother’s mantel piece, remember that piece you always admired the glasswork on its mirror?”

“Oh yeah, right. Okay Maddie, when should I be there?”

“I want you to get your ass here two hours ago. So come on freshen up and I’ll be waiting for you. Max is here too with his sister Victoria to help with the move.”

“Oh! Four people to move one single piece of furniture?”

“It’s huge! You’ve seen it. I was actually about to ask you if you could bring a friend along to give us a hand.”

“hmmm, I don’t know Maddison, I’ll need to make some calls and sober up. I’ll be there in two hours, I have to stop by the post office first to mail some stuff to Cheryl.”

“Cheryl? Isn’t that your friend who’s pack packing or hiking somewhere in Oregon?”

“Yes. That’s her. Okay I gotta go now, see you in a bit.”

My coffee is almost gone. And I’m about to welcome by sobriety home. I thought for a second about whom I might bring with me to help with the move and my phone answered my dilemma for me. It was Conrad calling me. I remembered now that I was supposed to meet him to attend his friend’s new book signing today at 6PM in that small secondhand bookstore I like. I picked up this busy non-stop phone of mine.

“Hey Conrad.”

“Iris!! Hey yourself, how’s it going?”

“Fine I guess, Just Starting.”

“So you ready for today? Cliff is really excited about this book signing.”

“Yeah yeah. Hey listen, uhh.. Something came up and I was wondering if you could help me out with something before we meet up.”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“It’s Maddison. She needs some help moving this piece of furniture into her new apartment and the piece is quite heavy so we’re gonna need all the help we can get to move it upstairs. Uhh, could you meet me earlier at 2PM and then once we’re done we’ll have plenty of time for Cliff’s book signing.”

“grrr…Iris! you just killed my entire afternoon!”

“Your afternoon! Conrad! Come on it’s a Saturday and we both know you’ll spend the rest of “The afternoon” on your couch playing your video games and throwing out things at your TV. In fact I’m doing your TV a gigantic favor.”

“Alright alright! God! fine Iris. I’ll come. I know you need all my masculine help anyway.”

“Yeah.. You bet. We’d be all lost without masculine Conrad.”

“Fine you sarcastic buzzkill. Where will I meet you?”

“I’ll meet you at the post office and make it 2:15 instead of 2 PM. So I’d be done with dropping off a box there.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. See you.”

“Bye.”

I check the time it is 1PM already, about time to get ready. I need to set up the box for Cheryl and make sure I didn’t drop anything here. God knows what trouble she could go through in the wilderness if I lost anything of hers.

The box is a standard mail brown carton box. It looks light. I pick up the box it’s heavier than it looks. But it’s manageable. I put the box on my coffee table. It’s sealed already but I can’t risk not checking it for the third time this month. I wouldn’t call it control obsession I’d say it’s just being cautious. I unsealed it and I grab the post it note I put on there weeks ago and go through the items again.

1- One navy blue cotton shirt. Check

2- 2 cans of beans. Check

3- 4 separate bags of dried food. Check

4- New pair of white tube socks. Check

5- 20 dollar bill. Check

6- 2 books. “ The ten thousand things by Maria Dermout.” And “The best American Essays 1991 edited by Robert Atwan. Check.

7- New hiking walking stick. Check.

8- Roll of duct tape. Check

9- Bag of band aids. Check.

Everything seems intact and in place.

I reseal the box again. I throw the post it note in my to-do’s pile of notes on my desk and went to take a shower and get dressed to meet Conrad.

“End of chapter one.”

#writing prompt #short story #moving day #wild #cheryl strayed

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addictgee-blog · 8 years ago

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The Trees Fic (twenty one pilots)

[sorry for typos or grammar mistakes] ”Have you ever thought how calming the city rain is?” Tyler asked. ‘’I find it noisy as hell.” Josh admitted. "I can't sleep all night long when it's raining. It's just so noisy and it scares me when there's thunderstorms." "Yeah, I know. Also, the cloud is pretty when it's still has the original sky without the normal clouds just with the rain clouds, I don't know how to explain it. But, when it's just a slight of drizzle I somehow find it calming." Tyler said. "I'd rather snow. What do you think of snow?" Josh asked. "Cold, ice, snowballs, snowman, cold again, freezing, white everywhere, tiny little snowflakes, cold. Well it's really cold." Tyler explained. Josh nods. "But I just don't want it when it's sunny. It's really hot sometimes and I hate it." Tyler adds. "And I don't like sunny, but I love sun." "Ever thought how the moon disappear? I don't get it." Josh randomly said. "It doesn't go down like the sun." "Its brightness lost to the sun's. So do with the stars." Tyler look up to the near-dark sky. Tyler slowly tilt his head everywhere. Josh looks up to find out what is Tyler looking for. Josh can't see anything, just the black with some orange sky. Josh sees a little smile on Tyler's lips. "What are looking at, Ty?" Josh asked. "Stars. You can barely see it, but it's just cool to see the beautiful stars on the sky. It's hard to find the stars right now. I miss the old crystal clear sky." Tyler said. "Yes," Josh paused, he's about to say something but he loved the conversation already. "The colors of the evening sky is unbelievably beautiful sometime. It could be orange with red, yellow with red, blue with grey, purple with red, or black with orange." Josh said. "It is, pure beauty." Tyler points at Josh. "There's so many thing we can talk about this earth. It's old and probably dying but look how beautiful it is right now." Tyler amazed. "Not many people notice how beautiful the nature. A lot of them will destroy the beauty." Josh sighed. "I relate that to me and the music I made." Tyler admitted. "What do you mean?" Josh asked, he knows Tyler is going to talk about something heavy. "I'm not a beauty or something, but I'm the person that people will crush. A lot of people judge the earth in some ways. Some of them judged in the wrong way, they decided to make it look 'better' with adding something to it." Tyler paused, looking at the worried Josh. "The result is they crushed it, they make it look worse. Some take the most beautiful part away with burning it, chop it off, or something and sadly a lot people is not interested to remake it, they just leave it there. Some of them still trying to remake the beauty, but some of them will be tired and leave. It has no use now. They will forget it. People will started to make some graffiti on it, put something on it, but it makes the place look bad." Tyler sighed. "Just like me and my music, once someone judge it in the wrong way it'll started to get worse. Just like Stressed Out, someone judged the song is overplayed. People started to hate the song, even the Clique. And the song is now bad. I'm kinda scared if I will--- We will have to perform at SuperBowl next year. I just don't want millions of people know how depressing and down the lyrics, also not many of them can see the 'beauty' of the lyrics. It also one reason why people will judge in the different way." Tyler shook his head. Trying to not breaking down. "People will start to talk about it, they will add gossips about my songs. It will never be meaningful for me and you and the Clique anymore. And the Clique will eventually leave us and maybe hate us. But the haters will go on hating on us even more and the band will mean nothing anymore. You get it?" Tyler asked. "Tyler, just don't overthink about that okay? I get it, I feel how scary, but you know, we never know what will happen in the future. You alright?" Josh concerned. Tyler just nod. Josh gives Tyler his water bottle and let him drink because Tyler started to shaking. "Let's get inside, Ty. We have a show tomorrow, take a rest and don't overthink about it." Josh opens the tour bus door. "Goodnight, Josh." Tyler said. "What's wrong with Tyler?" Brad asked. "I don't know, man. He just told me how he relates himself and his music to the nature and how it destroyed." Josh sits down. "Oh, man." Brad mumbled. Josh of course can't sleep because it's still 7 pm but he usually sleep at 10pm. He just watches the tv, nothing's really cool. But he's randomly asleep. --- Tyler rubs his eyes, it's 7am. They arrived at Vegas for their next show. Tyler slides the curtain open and squints his eyes because the sun is very bright. He goes to the kitchen set and make a coffee. He can hear some cars from the outside. Since everyone in the tour bus is still sleeping, Tyler just sit alone listening to the vehicle sounds. Tyler started to thought about what he said to Josh last night. What part of the nature that people started to destroy, why do people replace the pure beauty? What about the forest that used to be the source of oxygen, are they now forgotten or people wants to destroy it and build some builidings on it? Why do people really want to burn the forest? What did the forest do? Why they can't see the beauty of the forest? Are they terrified over the animals that'll attack them because of the forest? That's non-sense, Tyler thought. "Trees. I think, I can relate their life to myself too. Especially with my popularity and fame." Tyler whispered. "But, isn't it stupid how I relate trees with fame and popularity?" Tyler mumbles. "That's just extra." He chuckled. "Morning, Ty." Josh said as he streches his hands. "Morning, Mr. Dun. Too bad, I woke up earlier than you today." Tyler sassily said. "Whatever, Ty. In fact, this is the first time you wake up earlier than me." Josh shrugged. "Really, you think I wouldn't beat you, Spooky Jim?" Tyler asked. "Shut up." Josh laughed. "Also, Ty. I heard you saying something minutes ago." Josh said as he take a sip of his coffee. "Oh yeah, I was pondering about tree and how it relates to me as well." Tyler says. "That's weird. How?" Josh confused. "Man, it's a long story. In fact, you can figure it out." Tyler sighed. "Oh by the way, we have a meet and greet at 10. It's 9 now." Tyler reminds him. "10? Oh man, why can it be in the afternoon on something, that's too early." Josh complains. "I don't know, I was hoping that too." Tyler said. "Josh, I'm gonna--" Tyler stopped. "Josh, you can't just take a bath earlier than me. I supposed to take a bath earlier." Tyler yelled. Josh laughs. - -time skip- - Tyler and Josh are on their stage for their show, Tyler sit in front of Josh's drum while Josh just hitting them. Tyler is writing something on his journal. Josh looks at the journal for a little bit to see what Tyler write, but then Tyler noticed that Josh tries to look at what he writes. "Hey, no. What are you doing?" Tyler asked. "Uh, nothing. M-May I look what you write?" Josh asked politely. "No, not now. You can't." Tyler shakes his head. "Oh, okay. Sorry." Josh said. Josh sits beside Tyler and Tyler instantly closes his journal. Tyler takes his ukulele and play some notes so it won't be an awkward silences, he plays WDBWOTV notes. "Huh, 22.000 venues. Isn't that many people like how are we so famous?" Josh asked. "You know Josh, our fame and popularity is like... Trees." Tyler said. "Trees?" Josh asked. "Yeah, it was small. Like us on 2010, but we are still growing even though we're small, just like the trees. The fanbase are the leaves, small and young trees has less leaves. The trees are growing, could be fast or slow. But the leaves helps the trees to grow, so do peoples around it like giving it waters or something. The peoples around it could be the medias, or other artists." Tyler paused, puts his uku. "It grows and now it's big. It's strong, it has so many leaves. It's represents our situation right now. But you know, old leaves will fall down. Some of our fans might hate us for getting to much fame, some of of them maybe leaves us for something, and some of them maybe... dead. But it grows more leaves again. You know there is a lot of weird kids that will make the trees look bad, just like the nature." Tyler explained. "Even the medias will hate us. Will spread kinda-fake news. Hates exist, but the love grows. We also, saved many peoples live, they said. It's like how the trees gives us oxygen, oxygen is important. But as the trees getting old, more leaves will fall. The Clique may leave us anytime soon. Even the trees will eventually die. Our career might die some day, people will forget us. Even between me and you will die. But, we will not going to end our career that fast of course." Tyler smiled. Josh smiled back, "That sounds good for Trees speech." "Yeah, I think so. I've talked to the tour managers that I want to do some medley of our old songs. It'll replace the covers, so I think I'm gonna keep Addict and Cancer. What do you think?" Tyler asked. "Sounds great! What songs?" Josh excited. "Just like the old one but I'm gonna add Taxi Cab, Flightless Birds, Oh Ms. Believer, Ruby, and Glowing Eyes." Tyler shrugged. "Dude, that's sick! Let's soundcheck those." Josh said. "Oh, what about Slowtown or Lovely or Anathema?" Josh asked. "Sure thing, let's do it." Tyler said. --- Josh spends an hour alone in Vegas, he just walk around the nice looking city. They will perform in 3 hours, it's now 2pm. Someone poked Josh. "Hey, man." Dallon said. "Oh! Dallon, you're here too." Josh hugs the almost 6 years old older guy. "Yes, you're showing today?" Dallon asked. "Well, yeah. In around 3 hours, you coming or something?" Josh asked. "Sounds good, I might come. Anyways, let's have some coffee or stuff because why not." Dallon said as Josh agreed. They both walk to the closest Starbucks around here. Josh glad no one has noticed them both. Both Dallon and Josh really likes coffee but right now Josh wants some hot chocolate. "So, how's Tyler?" Dallon asked. "He's good, it's just he keep telling me how the nature is like me and him. But it makes sense even though it's a bit extra." Josh said. "He's always like that." Dallon shrugged. "Hey, by the way. Congrats for Panic got nominated for Grammys." Josh said. "Nope, Josh. You should congratulate Brendon, he's the main man." "Why though, you contributed too." Josh chuckled. Around two hours later, Dallon and Josh had to head back to tøp's show location. As soon as they get closer, a lot of fans noticed them and asked to get photos and sign things. "Josh, I really love you and Tyler. I'm really really surprised that you're around here!" One of the girl said. "Also, Dallon. You are such a funny and hilarious man. Your song Sickly Sweet Holidays had been stuck in my head!" The other one said. "Oh, thanks a lot. But, that's a Christmas song on around 2014 that I worked with Ty? I mean, it's far away from Christmas, haha." Dallon said. "I know, but it's such an amazing song." The girl said. More girls started to approach them, but since there is Dallon, Josh is all fine and not anxious. They signed a lot of things, take some photos, they also got some fanart and fanmail. --- "Okay, we are going to wait here while Jon is opening." Tyler said. "Where is Brendon, by the way?" "Busy with some new musics." Dallon said. "So, Josh told me that you relate yourself with trees. It's just amazing how you think about it." "Yeah, beside trees I can relate me or anyone with the people around the trees. When it's small, we all hoping it'll grow big and beautiful, I mean the trees are like our career or something." Tyler explained. "How do you even came up with those words like wow." Dallon amazed. "I don't know man. It was yesterday and Josh and I talked about nature's beauty and I relate it to myself again." Tyler said. "Let's go outside." Dallon said. "All fans are inside so I don't think we'll get noticed." "Oh, it's raining. Nice one." Tyler said. They sit on a stair in front of the door. "Have you or Josh read this fan-fiction called The Forest Fic? I don't really understand the fic but it's super gay." Dallon laughs. "No, why?" Tyler asked. "I've seen a lot of people is triggered with the terrified thing and Josh is not real. It's just funny how people can't get over a story." "That's really weird." Tyler chuckled. "Dallon," Tyler called. "What?" "Have you ever thought all your 35 years life is just a dream?" Tyler asked. "I don't know, I hope no. But, at some point life could be unrealistic and make me thought, 'am I alive?'." Dallon said. "It's just petrifying, I'm glad if these are real and not a dream. But death will end those things, like hope." "Just like the trees, Ty. If it got struck by lightning or thunder, it'll not grow anymore. Its hope are burned." Dallon said darkly. "Right, I didn't think about that." Tyler nods. "The rain makes sound like drums." Tyler said. "I wonder if Josh ever noticed about this since he is a drummer." Dallon thought. "I don't think so, he hates rain." "I'm scared of what I'll face in the future to be honest." Dallon admits. "Why? You're grown man and you have a family, why are you even scared?" Tyler asked. "I honestly don't know. Maybe because I'm 35 and death is pretty close to me. I never really thought about death or else but you know, depressing thoughts will come anytime." "Don't overthink those. Just don't." Tyler pokes Dallon's back. "Ty, I have a question." Dallon said. "What are you going to do if someday your band split or you and Josh get in an arguement?" Tyler blankly stares, he searches for an answer but he can't. He knows that Josh will never leave him and the band won't split that fast but things could be different. He shakes his head slowly and shrugs. Tyler started to overthink it. But, Mark comes and tell him that he needs to be prepared for the show. --- Tyler plays the Trees notes. It's almost the end of the show. "Guys, I've been thinking about this and I told Josh about this. He said, 'Tyler, it could be a good Trees speech.' It's gonna be deep and I don't know if you guys ever thought about this because I don't think so." Tyler said. "Trees, they are growing. It's like us, me and Josh are the trees, you guys are the leaves which is one of the most important part. Small trees has less leaves, back then we have less fans. The bigger it grows, the more leaves grows. It's like us now. But the trees will get old and die, you know. It maybe die because of some people burn it. The hates around us are pretty strong, they will make us weak or maybe kill twenty one pilots. We may die, but we will be remembered. And honestly I just want to say thank you for coming, we can't do this without you." Tyler said. "Also, give it up for Josh Dun on the drums for telling me to put that as Trees speech!" "And now, I know where you stand." Tyler sings. The crowds sing along, Tyler feels so emotional right now. But so do Josh. Josh knows someday they will have a family, they will face the future, and someday they will have to stop making music for a while. Josh afraid if he had to live for a long long time without Tyler. "Silent in the trees... And that's where I am, silent in the trees." Josh started to cry a little bit, he tries to hold his sobs. He doesn't even know why he cries, he thinks as positive as he can. Then, he heard Tyler's voice on his microphone that they use to communicate. "You're crying?" "I'm sorry, I don't know why." Josh replies. "Are you okay? Josh?" Tyler asked. Josh didn't answer. "It's okay, don't cry..." Tyler said, Josh still quiet. Tyler sings, "Why won't you speak, where I happen to be..." He paused. "We all have problems, we all are probably struggling with something, but there is a way to get through it. But right now, please cheer Josh because he's crying." He said. Everyone is aww-ing and Josh smiled a little and he wipes his tears. He looks at the crowd and he realized that he is not alone. He is safe, Tyler is with him, the Clique is with him as well. "Silent in the tree, standing cowardly." "I can hear your breath, I can feel my death." "I want to know you, I want to see... I want to say, hello." Josh started drumming. --- They are back in the tour bus, Josh is still outside talking to Dallon. Tyler is already inside, laying in the bed. Even though Tyler is the one who said "What if your 35 years life is just a dream?" to Dallon, Tyler started to think about it. I'm living the reality, I am not dreaming. I obviously not dreaming because everything is alive. This is real... right? Tyler become unsure. But as long as he keep thinking about it, the more he got anxious. He just forget it and sleep because it's 8pm. Tyler posts a picture to his instagram, he can't think of a caption, so he just post it. Before he goes back to sleep, he edits the post and add " you are living :.:the reality:.: " as the caption. "Ty sounds like he's down every time. All good, I guess." Josh shrugged. "No, but the way he said the words are like really deep." Dallon said. "Hey, anyway. You literally cried?" "Yeah, I just... I don't want to leave this band and get a family and living the adult life. It's just sad how I'm close to 30." Josh said with sad tone. "But you know, the time will go fast and without realizing I will eventually had stop making musics. It's sad." Josh adds. "Dude, I'm 35 and I have a family but look at me! I'm still making music, dont worry." Dallon said. "You're right but, I just don't want to face the future." Josh sighed. "Josh, you had to, okay? It's part of our life, we can't go back or just stay in this part of life. Think about something exciting in the future, not everything will go down. Try to think positive about the future that possibly will happen." Dallon adviced. "That means I'm forcing positivity, right?" Josh asked. "No, of course not if that could possibly happen! Yeah, forcing positivity is not good but if you stay negative, it's not good too." Dallon said, on his dad mode. "Okay, I think you're right. Thanks dad." Josh nods. "The fuck you mean 'Dad'?" Dallon laughs. "Nah, you're words are like dad advising his child." Josh said. They just laugh until some ringing voice are playing clearly out of his head. Josh confused, but Dallon looks all fine, until Dallon non-stop poking him. "Dallon, stop. What are you doing?" Josh confused. Dallon just smile like crazy but he didn't answer. Everything started to become distorted, Dallon disappears, the road is now a deep hole, the grass he sit on cutted open and he falls to it. His vision goes black. --- He opens his eyes and he is on a sofa. Brendon is in front of him, playing the ringing sound. Josh stretched his arms and get up. He tilts his head around to see where he actually is. "Brendon? Where am I?" Josh asked. "Backstage, come on we gotta head to the stage." Brendon said shoving his phone to his pocket. "Wait a sec, how could I get here?" Josh asked again. "Josh, are you kidding me? We've been here since around 11 hours ago. How could you forget?" Brendon asked back. "Uh, I don't know. I was--" "Nevermind, come on. They are waiting for us." Brendon said. Everyone is started cheering and Josh widens his eyes. There's Fall Out Boy, Dallon, and Kenneth. Josh still confused because he doesn't feel like he went to backstage. Brendon handed him a microphone. "Okay, we have Josh Dun and Brendon Urie right here!" Patrick said, not really excited. The crowd is screaming. "Right okay, before everything started, where is Tyler?" Josh asked. Brendon look at him in confused way and he whispered to Josh but Josh can't hear it. "H-He's... there?" Josh asked as he tilts his head around. Josh still has he mic on. "J-Josh, I'm... really sorry to say this but Tyler was killed a year ago on Vegas. Don't you remember?" Patrick said with his mic on (by accidentally). Josh blankly stares at nothing, his breath goes faster. He forgot about that. "N-No. But he's alive." Josh denies. "I know, you were dreaming. Sorry to wake you." Brendon said. Josh started to shake and got panic attack but Dallon runs to him and make sure he won't pass out. Josh doesn't cry but he shakes so much, he keep questioning himself. "He is alive! I'm sure." Josh shouts. Dallon hugs him, he got reminded by Tyler's words. Now he realized that Tyler is gone. Josh started cry. He sobs a lot. "Josh, I'm sorry. We didn't mean to remind you about that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Brendon said. "I'm really sorry, Josh. But, today's mark one year Tyler died." Pete said. The crowds are in between crying, screaming, and aww-ing. Josh still cries on Dallon, he supposed to know that those were dream. Now he got attacked by his own dream. Josh started to thought about something, but he stops crying. He braves himself to talk. "I'm sorry, I just can't get over that he died. I didn't mean to become naive here but I really can't believe he's gone. Please, don't think that I'm being drama stuffs, I know these words are really cringey." Josh said. "Is he even died today?" He asked everyone. "Josh, we can play one of his song if you want to." Brendon said. Josh looks down, "Trees. Because it reminds me of my conversation with him and Dallon. I don't really know if the conversation happened or not." Josh gets to the drums, Patrick decides to sing the song with Brendon. "This song has deeper meaning for Ty, but yeah." Josh said. "I know where you stand." Patrick sings. Through the song, Josh got distracted by his thoughts. His dream was really shocking for him. Now he got to flashback when Tyler was killed. //flashback on\\ The venue is just some people left, Tyler is picking some confetti on the floor. Josh is picking some of it too. Tyler also let some people in there to take pictures with him or sign something. Tyler was all happy, Josh too. While the venue is empty, while Josh and Tyler is talking, the security shouts something but Tyler can't clearly hear it so he just keep talking. Josh noticed someone on the back so he runs, it was a random teenager holding a gun. He pulled the trigger and two bullets got to Tyler on his shoulder and his stomach. Tyler shouted, Josh gets to Tyler. "Tyler! Oh my god, no no." //flashback off\\ Josh stops thinking about it. He doesn't want to remember it. The song ends. The crowd is clapping. "Thank you, everyone. Um, I just remember one of thing he ever said to me in real life." Josh takes a deep breath. "He said, 'Josh, dead tree is not really dead.' which I don't understand. But, he said again, 'It's there, mainly without leaves but it doesn't dissapear. I want us to be like that, when we don't make any music, our memories are still there and people will remember it.'. Now, I understand about that." Josh paused. "Tyler, you maybe can't hear me. Thanks for being a best of the best friend ever. I can't thank you enough. Your memory will carry on. You are the greatest person. I really miss you. See you somewhere and some day maybe, Ty?" Josh started to tearing again. Josh smiled to the beautiful clear sky and he can see the stars. Right now, Josh is facing the future. "Right now, my future is like the sky. It's dark but I can see the beautiful stars. I don't know what will happen in the future but positive things might happen soon." Josh said. The stage light turned off. --- Josh is in Tyler's house, reading all the papers on his desk. All the meaningful words. Then Josh found a notebook, he reads page by page. Trees, it's like tøp. We were small like some young trees. We were really small back on 2010. We are still growing even though we're small, just like the trees. The fanbase are the leaves, small and young trees has less leaves. The trees are growing, but the leaves helps the trees to grow, so do peoples around it like giving it waters or something. It grows and now it's big. It's strong, it has so many leaves. It's represents our situation right now. But you know, old leaves will fall down. Some of our fans might hate us for getting to much fame, some of of them maybe leaves us for something, and some of them maybe... dead. But it grows more leaves again. You know there is a lot of weird kids that will make the trees look bad, it could be the haters, just like the nature. The medias will hate us. Will spread kinda-fake news. Hates exist, but the love grows. We also, saved many peoples live, they said. It's like how the trees gives us oxygen, oxygen is important. But as the trees getting old, more leaves will fall. The Clique may leave us anytime soon. Even the trees will eventually die. Our career might die some day, people will forget us. We will eventually die like the trees. Josh started to cry. It's been 5 years since Tyler died. Josh takes a picture of Tyler's desk. He posts it on instagram. He types the caption, "Right 5 years ago, the legend Tyler Joseph died. Best fren, sorry I had to read all of your meaningful stuffs. You will never be forgotten. You are now the dead tree, you are remembered, though you're gone. See you some day, Tyler." "Dad, will Tyler come back?" Josh's son named Ruby asked. "No, sadly. But of course we will remember him, forever." Josh smiled. I'm facing the future, Josh thought. the end.

#twenty one pilots #tøp #21 pilots #fanfiction #skeleton clique

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