#anytime i look at you anything
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Everything hurts just leave me alone
You dont care stop bothering to act like you do
I dont know why i ever thought anyone would actually care i know it was stupid you dont need to remind me
I cant do this
#anytime i look at you anything#i just want to cry.#please leave me alone.#go away. have fun with someone else you want to anyways#i have no point to live#everything hurts#i just want to kill myself.
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The L Word: Lookbook ↳ 2.01, Life, Loss, Leaving
#the l word#jennifer schecter#mia kirshner#bette porter#jennifer beals#shane mccutcheon#kate moennig#tina kennard#laurel holloman#kit porter#pam grier#ivan aycock#kelly lynch#dana fairbanks#erin daniels#alice pieszecki#leisha hailey#carmen de la pica morales#sarah shahi#ok i tried to find the two random farmers market lesbians but i couldnt#easily the highlight of the ep for me but also tbf anytime the l word has LESBIANS in the background or whatever who look anything less tha#the supermodel perfect appealing main ensemble my eyes get huge and i see You. I . See. You. doesnt even matter if theyre just acting lets#just enjoy the peeks of reality the l word gives us so briefly#jenny staring at them Sigh jenny u were so butchfemme tbh if only chaiken knew how to 'write' or could envision lesbians who didnt look lik#like... like this like that like perfectly feminine conventionally attractive amalgamations of Showtime Produced Television#anyway her staring at them and also soon when she gets the haircut like i just know what u are#anyway theyre all cute here i also forgot this was the bizarre kit realising ivan is like i dont even know actually like whatever#more of my tags will be along this line as this entire season goes down again#but again jennys cute waitress outfit and ugh#tlwlb
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Stepmom Yuki has severe breeding kink 😔✊️
she fucks you nice and deep, putting her hands on your belly looking adoringly at the way the cock separates your slippery folds and she would love nothing more than to fill you to the last drop. she in fact, debates whether she would love to cum in your folds or so deep inside you. her thumb moves from your belly button to your clit and strokes it sweetly as she takes the leg above her shoulder and kisses your calf, moving her hips in such a way that she manages to get even deeper.
the idea of her seed inside you, your tits swollen from pregnancy and her lips on your sweet sensitive nipples is what makes her cum silently, calling your name as she bites your skin.
#i do think she would love to have a real cock sometimes that she can fill you with#i firmly believe that nothing would make her happier than cumming inside you#holding you still while you try to run away from her cock because it's too much#but she just keeps thrusting and thrusting#she loves to see you squirming on the sheets#anon i love this you are making me lose my mind#please imagine how pretty she would look on top of you fucking you with her hair down ok yeah thanks#or her tying her hair up in a bun so the golden strands don't bother her and she can pound you without anything interrupting her#asks#yuki x reader#yuki smut#cw stepcest#ohh i didn’t read the stepcest my bad lol#I was so eager to talk about her that yeah#but stepmom yuki is even hotter#but listen to me a gf yuki can step on me anytime she wants and I would appreciate it#I am so in love with her#too bad gege doesn't know how to appreciate the women he creates 😾 give them to me#stepmom yuki#wr.yuki
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nessa in the bun suit
#my art#what r my tags for her. god#vanessa#vanessa fnaf#fnaf vanessa#vanessa sb#sb vanessa#fnaf#security breach#i always forget to main tag my non🌞🌜 art lolz#anywayy i wanted to draw her in the bunny suit But i also wanted to show that i Respect Women so here she is HHDKAJGJD#but i still gave her a jacket and a belt so she wouldnt feel so naked..#the fishnets r torn at her thighs not bc if anything naughty but because thick thighs are the natural enemy of thin pants like those#like i have so many ripped leggings. ANYWAYYYYY#those shoes and feet were hellish to draw. ugh. but hopefully i've convinced everyone that i actually definitely know how to draw them ^_^#also her hair is rlly messy and curly here because i accidentally made it really messy and curly. bc i like how it looks#i personally think the pose is really clever on my part. it resembles a cutesy anime pose but only bc she's trying to take the heels off#and ig you could say smth about how this whole drawing is abt a forced performance of femininity. and abt nessa trying to escape it#but that just makes me sound like im overthinking it HFKAKGKS i just have strong feelings abt how oversexualized she is#i hope everyone enjoys reading a whole entire essay in the tags everytime i post bc im not stopping anytime soon
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Grojband, but as a band from an early 2000s shoujo manga
#I was literally just going about my day and then this idea hit me like a truck and I couldn't do anything else until I drew this#I'm apparently still on the nostalgia train and have no real intention of getting off anytime soon lol#next stop?#Who knows!#I pulled up so many reference images for this only to use like three of them T-T#you bet i made a bunch of sketches of them to make up for it!#you can probably tell which two mangas I referenced for this this#also this style is so hard???#artists just draw like this all the time???#just drawing laney nearly drained away all my sanity#also yes they are aged up because there is no way that they could look this dramatic and angsty at their actual ages XD#have i mentioned how much i love tumblr#I get to rant as much as i want down here and no one cares lol#grojband#corey riffin#laney penn#kin kujira#kon kujira#anime and manga#artists on tumblr#digital art#fanart#grojband fanart#shoujo manga#artist on tumblr#my art
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I sat here scrolling Tumblr and then I heard my dad snoring on the other side of the wall.
And I've been making it a habit to consciously pay attention to the people I love, because I love them.
And so - I wasn't trying but this just came to me because of observations, and knowing, and perhaps the habit of it - I thought oh, that means he's sleeping.
Its the middle of the day. He does this sometimes. He's a very busy person, between two jobs, and 2-4 disabled kids. He takes power naps after lunch. He has a whole strategy. He's told it to me and I listened and I remembered because I love him.
He's also in burnout. My dad is burnt out and I understand because I am also burnt out. I wish I could help him but I am burnt out, and so all I can do is know him, is listen to him snoring and know that he is tired.
I get to listen to him snoring. He is tired. He is sleeping on the middle of the day because he is tired, from taking care of me, who am autistic, and my brother, with Prader-Willi Syndrome (shoutout to ppl with PWS), and his job 1 to pay the bills and job 2 to pay for the future and his wife and his other children and making sure we all get our enrichment.
And so he is snoring on the other side of the wall, and I can picture him tangled up in his blankets and sleeping because he is tired.
And so I get to listen to him snoring and think about all the things he does and how much he deserves rest, and how glad I am that he CAN rest, that he's worried and busy and anxious, but not too worried to sleep. Because he needs to sleep. And it's a blessing that he can do that.
And I'll sit here and appreciate him and all he does because I can hear him snoring (and it keeps everyone else up at night unless he uses his mouth guard, which we all call his snore-teeth, and I know this because I listen and I pay attention and I love him).
And he might never know that I sit here and think of him and love him and all he does, how grateful I am that he takes care of me when I'm his oldest and I'm autistic, and I don't feel overwhelmingly bad about that but I do wish I could help more than I do. Not be so big of a burden as I am. But all I can do is let him sleep.
He might never know that I take the time to listen to him snore. Maybe one of those days when he's feeling horrible I'll show it to him and say "you are loved and I see you and I am grateful for everything you do, I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you." Maybe I'll make bits of this post into my Father's Day letter. I've been wondering what to do for that because I've been more vocal lately about how much I love him and sometimes it feels like there's nothing left to put in a Father's Day letter that wouldn't just be the same.
There's something special in just the same, though. Like listening to snoring. There's time. And when you're sitting in the middle of time, in the quiet and the dark and listening to snoring, and wondering when the next snore is gonna come, and contemplating life and love and time - well, I'm not doing anything else. And I'm not getting any younger. And maybe right now I can't mentally DO anything else. But I can do this.
I can contemplate my father, who is wise and loving and who pours himself out constantly, fill my mind with MY DAD instead of something else, because I love him.
I lied. My first thought wasn't "oh, that means he's sleeping." Well, it was subconscious. But right after, I thought, "I wish I had someone to love this way," meaning that I want to get married and have someone to love.
But I do have someone to love. I have my father. I can love him. I DO love him. And why am I pining for something I can't have, or worse, for someONE I can't have, when my lovely beautiful Dad is right there loving me in his sleep, in his waking, in his working, in his eating, in his thoughts, in his research, in his everything. I have him? Why do I need anyone else?
#Spend time thinking about the people you love#Even just start by making sure to look when they talk#Not eye-contact necessarily#But you don't need to be doing something else when he's talking#Don't need to give your attention to someone else if they interrupt#Don't need to interrupt yourself#Don't need to think about something else when he speaks#Look. Regard. Contemplate. Consciously give his words and opinions and thoughts the real weight that they deserve#Because you LOVE him#Or her#Your father or mother or best friend or sister or mentor or guide or#Whoever it is that's important to you#Your child your prayer partner your roleplay buddy your mutual#That's love#Not a feeling#Not an attraction#Not an emotion. Unless the emotion is this thing I feel listening to my Dad snore#Love is respect. Regard. Reverence. Attention#They're all the same thing#Can't you see it they're all the same#This is love#And love is love#You can show it to anyone anything anywhere anytime#Love is love#Start small. I started by making sure to listen when he spoke. I didn't know it'd turn into listening to him snoring with a smile on my fac#Love your beloveds#Asexual#Ace#Actually asexual#Pride
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The worst part about reading in a genre where you have low expectations (in this case, Christian historical fiction) is that when a book impresses you, you have no idea if it's actually good or if you're just overly impressed because it was a fraction of a degree better than the usual garbage.
#basically lately anytime i read a christian fiction book that isn't romance-based i find myself surprised by the quality#i do think that some christian publishers are getting better#and trying to tell stories that dig deeper into real faith and messy issues#instead of making only vapid squeaky clean prayer-filled tropefests#but i'm not sure *how much* better#because anything above the low bar feels like great literature#the most recent is 'in a far-off land' by stephanie landsem#and let me tell you setting the prodigal son in 1930s hollywood is a genius concept#i have some issues with the history and the mystery#but the characters!#it has been a long time since i cried this hard over a book#several chapters of solid waterworks#(and i also have the issue of figuring out if it's actually that moving or if i'm just hormonal/sleep-deprived)#i keep thinking about this book but also i worry about recommending because what if it's actually terrible by normal book standards?#(also the author DOES NOT understand the seal of confession and i was SHOCKED to find that she's actually catholic)#but also looking at the reviews makes it clear that if most of christian fiction is vapid garbage it's these reviewers' fault#here you have something that's digging into sin and darkness and justice and mercy and these people are just#'how can it call itself christian fiction if it only mentions god at the end?'#are we reading the same book this WHOLE THING is about god! and humanity and our fallen nature and how this breaks relationships!#your pearl-clutching anytime someone tries to get even a tiny bit realistic is destroying this genre#i'm gonna run out of tags so i'll stop now
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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there's no fucking way she's straight like absolutely no way.
#there's no proof of this i just know she can't be#anytime i see a straight nichelle take im like ''no.''#there's something about her that screams not straight like i can't see it and refuse to even try to see it#i'll accept anything except straight for her idk bro you gotta just vibe to get what i'm saying#''don't judge a book by its cover'' ok but LOOK AT HER. that's not the face of someone straight#(maybe idk i think im right idgaf)#((it's a fixed hc of mine for her to be Not Straight. like her sexuality can be anything else BUT straight)#wont delete actually im living in my damn truth. this is not the look of a straight girl idgaf
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me when i realize the reason i dont feel like i can claim the term butch is cause i dont feel attractive enough
#lesbian#butch#butch lesbian#like i dont even look bad i dont think#but.#im short#my voice isnt deep and although i wanna do vocal training to fix that im also lazy#im not buff by any means and im also lazy so even tho i wanna exercise i don’t#im not handy. idk how the fuck a car works ngl.#if ANYTHING im stupid#my face is round and i feel like i look twelve bc of that and my voice and height#anytime i try and look masc it feels more like little boy than butch and i hate it#im just a loser. like legit. im a lil weirdo that yaps about very particular pieces of media and loves art.#like im just not hot enough to be a butch lol#also dont get me started on how im black/mixed and that fucks w me too cause basically all i see are white butches#also also dont get me started on how my habit of deeming myself to be unlovable plays into all of this#apologies for the yapathon i just needed to get it out#if you relate please lmk i do NOT wanna feel crazy 🙏🏼
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Guys he’s so special to me.it’s been five seconds did you know
#it has been ten long centuries since I have seen my son.#i think everyone should look at him forever.#surreal to think it’s a complete possibility this hyperfixation will last a year… i got here in february#and i am not leaving anytime soon! and i am sooo happy this series is in my life. so so very happy.#between the creative drive it’s given me and the friends iv gotten closer to through it and the friends iv MADE through it…#mwah#i love mob psycho. mutuals followers i will drop literally anything at any given moment to watch mob psycho#if you see my mobposting and you think Oh i should watch that sometime. TAKE MY HAND. I WILL SHOW YOU!!!!#i love mob so much he is my little muse he is me he is who i want to be he is my tumblr blorbo. he is my everything#mobble💖💝💕❤️💕💖💖💘💞💗💗#mp100#babbles#comfort characters#kin tag#shigeo kageyama
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Maladaptive daydreaming.
#daydreaming#maladaptive daydreaming#maladapting daydreaming disorder#maladaptive behaviors#maladaptive coping#dissociation#immersive daydreaming#dimond speaks#yeah so adding this to my list here lol#my therapist helped me realize i dissociate a LOT and the primary way i do it is through vivid daydreams#they usually happen at work but they also pop up if i'm having a bad day or... anytime really.#i've also come to the realization that i have at least one of these a day which is not good fgsjh#my therapist says they're not inherently bad especially since they do have a positive effect on my emotions (if its a good daydream)#but it's gotten to the point that it's affecting the way i work#and they can last for a LONG time too#i haven't timed them but i do know they've been over 30 minutes at work before#this is either due to ADHD autism PTSD or a mixture of the three lmao#weeeee#anyway. this post isn't really intended to be a vent post#it's more like a 'this is my experience' type post#it just kinda comes across as somewhat vent-y#but that was because i wanted to try and immerse the reader into what its like to have these daydreams#like mine look NOTHING like this but making it more generic would help others understand it#the void is the general dissociation from reality#then you emerge in the dream#i can feel things as if i'm there- the sun the wind and sometimes even physical touch#and i'll stay there until something snaps me out#strangely i can get my work done while i'm doing this- i just wont have any memory of doing so. it's like being on autopilot#anyway. I hope this post was helpful to someone out there#if you also maladaptive daydream YOU ARE NOT ALONE! it's valid and you're not 'faking' anything. it's a genuine trauma response.
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He looks so different with glasses 😂 did not recognize him at first
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terribly funny how much more generic he can get with a thick frame of raybans like ive always believed the whole glasses as a disguise would never work irl but i got punked so hard that when i first saw him in glasses i was like "oh another man" glossed over him then felt the same sensation as when i forget to buy milk at the store, swiped back, scrutinised this for far longer than im comfortable admitting publicly and went "oh my god THATS MY MAN GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
#ask#i went “maffhew where the hell have you been loca”#she is but a beautiful female protagonist “shackled” by a thick pair of glasses#to me she is even more beautiful with the glasses#but also just another man#ive specifically seen this type of man in so many fucking places...#the fruity english teacher that also teaches the creative writing course because he genuinely enjoys spoken word#the one where you walk into his class see the open class layout... look up at him... look at his fit and go#huh... itd be rude to ask if he has a husband but... you know...#the class where you can tell hes in because you can smell his maple syrup candle from the courtyard#despite there being a whole gym between you and the building hes in because his door is always open and anytime the building door opens#you smell a whole wiff of autumn... it is in fact summer... and always summer where you are...#he doesnt talk about his lovelife at all doesnt even mention anything about it#but everyones curious but hes cool and you dont want to make him uncomfortable so you dont ask but you know you know?#its why you squeal in glee when he shows up to open mic night at the blackbox in the 300 building with his husband in tow because once again#he adores spoken word and gave extra credit to anyone who preformed and he wants to support his students#and hes just so smiley and giggly all night because he finally gets to be with his secret husband and its so perfect and theyre so perfect#and he also your dad because you have daddy issues and having a male figure in your life whos queer and supports you is so important-#you know what!! i think we know a little too much about each other i will stop now!!!! you get the idea!!!!!
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I have finally finished outlining up to the point in which the prologue happens! Now I know what events can be referenced in conversation because they’ve already happened!…whenever I get back to writing, I’ve been drawing a lot recently because my writing brain is fried and I have stuff I wanna draw beyond my HTTYD/The Deep crossover.
#I’m not writing for a bit anytime soon#having way too much fun doing next-gen stuff and various other things drawing wise#but I am still working on the fic!#if I’m not writing it means I’m either drawing for it or working on the outline#and if I’m drawing it can be either fun doodles or actual design process for characters or dragons#so while it may not LOOK like I’m working on it via posting a new chapter or posting drawings#I assure you six people invested that I am doing a bunch of stuff beyond my screen#I just can’t show anything for it because spoilers#(I’m also drawing a lot because I churned out a half a dozen lengthy chapters in rapid for succession and my brain needs a break)#but half of the movie is written by this point! I’m just posting chapters at my lovely betas pace#because they’re also a fanfic writer with their own projects and also a life#I’ve also been practicing drawing all the dragons that will show up in the fic at various points so I can draw storyboard scenes with them#httyd#httyd/the deep crossover#chapter progress#kind of#more the outline but same thing in the long run
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when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
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Do you have a bluesky?
i do not, no.
#ask#anon#i don't really plan on making one anytime soon i don't think#it's structured too similarly to twitter for my liking. in terms of the image limit. text limit. no real ''tagging system''#in comparison to tumblr i mean.#like that's not to say anything about bluesky or folks who use bluesky primarily. it's just not what im looking for.#i talk a lot sometimes (in the tags primarily) and id prefer not to translate that over to the character limit format of twitter or bluesky#i like talking in the tags because it's mostly just me thinking out loud or talking more indepth#without extending the majority of the screen with text (since with tags. you can opt to read more or not)#so it's in the same vein as like. whispering i guess.#and like.... there's not a whole lot of stuff id want to do on bluesky? like in terms of stuff I post?#my social media focus is already here. i don't want to spend more of my time reblogging stuff.#the formatting of tumblrs stuff works better for the things i do. like my old audio postings and my humor#also like... neither twitter nor bluesky have an ask system? and i genuinely like replying to asks. i like talking about things.#even if it takes me a while to respond to most. since i tend to struggle with how to respond to most asks#so personally it's not for me. and that's fine. im still here on tumblr.#but anyway thank you for the ask anon! if that sentiment does change someday maybe ill make a post about it#but atm im not really interested in doing so
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