#anything your heart desires so long as it's not illegal

[roboticspacecase]

Saving VooDoo Emergency Commissions/Fundraiser!

My sweet, wonderful kitty, VooDoo, has been diagnosed with FISS (Feline Injection Site Sarcoma), which the doctor referred to as, "The most evil cancer a cat can get". As of right now, she has been given only a few months to live, as the tumor has grown at a rapid rate and surgery is not an option due to its location and size.

However, the doctor truly believes that with radiation treatment, she will be able to live for a few more YEARS, and with treatment, she will have a better quality of life in that time, rather than rapidly declining and withering away before summer.

That being said, radiation treatment is expensive. Like, $2,800 expensive, after I max out my credit cards, which I am already willing to do. There's no way I will be able to pay the rest of that myself. That's why I'm putting this out on every social media site I have: I will do commissions until my hands bleed if it means giving her this fighting chance. Arthritis and everything else be damned, I will write or draw anything. So long as it's not illegal, I will approve ALL commission requests.

My writing prices are HERE (The "Won't Write" section is now only limited to illegal stuff. I will literally do anything else)

And this is my art commission sheet:

And if you would just like to help out, even if it's only a few bucks, my PayPal is panndiihero@gmail.com. Or, if you don't use PayPal, I have a Ko-Fi that might be easier. Any and all help is appreciated, even if all you can do is reblog. If you have any questions, feel free to message me or send an email to the gmail above. I will do my best to respond asap.

Here are some pictures of the girl herself

She means the world to me, so any help at all will be amazing. Thanks for taking time to read my post <3

[cherry-romper]

Mortal Kombat -

Suggestive Headcannons

+ Lui Kang, Kung Lao, Raiden, Bi-Han, Kuai Liang, Tomas Vrbada, Johnny Cage, Kenshi Takahashi, Syzoth, Shang Tsung, Reiko, Havik

Warnings; MDNI, Sexual Content,

Contains; GN!reader, fluff, smut

Liu Kang; 

A lover. He will hold you close, taking you in, memorising your every crease and curve, every bump and scar. 

He’s gentle and patient while also being full of zeal and desire. 

He’s not one to ask for it per se, he won’t be so blunt about it. It more so happens when one of you will deepen a kiss or shift when cuddling.

He loves you. Your pleasure is his. Seeing you satisfied, not just in bed but being with him, brings him great pride.

Kung Lao; 

Likes to give, loves to receive. A 69’er at heart, but enjoys seeing your face more; he takes pleasure in staring you down.

High sex-drive. Can be multiple times a night.

Loves building tension during the day. He’ll teasingly throw slights and jest at you all day; replying to all your questions with sarcasm. Adores back-and-forth banter. 

More domestically, he’d love to watch you. No matter what you’re doing, even if you’re just brushing your hair, he’ll be watching you intently. 

Raiden; 

Slow and steady, almost hesitant. He needs time to build confidence and try out new things. 

I feel like he’d want to keep your sex life private. Where Johnny or Kung Lao might brag, he’d rather have only the two of you know. It feels more intimate. 

Gentle with you, but can squeeze your skin when he’s close.

Big on aftercare. Will take care of you so well. Food, water, fresh clothes, a warm shower, clean sheets and cuddles.

Bi-han; 

He’s not big on sex. He’s too busy, and there are other, quicker ways to relieve stress.

HOWEVER, it’s different with you. He could look at you for hours, studying you, trying to find a reason why he feels this way about you. 

Takes you like you’re slipping from his hands. Grips you, hard, anywhere he can; arms, legs, hips, hair, throat, he doesn’t care, he’s grabbing it.

Incredibly spontaneous. You’re almost exclusively bent over something, if not you’re against a wall.

Kuai Liang; 

Gives you everything you ever wanted. You will always be satisfied.

90% love-making, 10% fucking. It’s rare, but sometimes just really needs you.

Soft grabs and deep kisses are his go to. 

Will let his hands glide up your thighs or your arms, often leading to the removal of clothing. 

Tomas Vrbada; 

He worships the ground you walk on, would do anything for you without a second thought. On his knees for you.

A begger. “Please” is his favourite word. 

Lets you take the reins, giving you the freedom to do whatever you want to him, but is down to take control if you get tired.

Will become an illegible, whiney mess. You make him loose his mind. He loves you, no one else could ever make him feel the way you do. You’re his soulmate.

Johnny Cage; 

As much as he loves himself, he reveres you like a deity. Of all the people he could be with, you’re the one he fell for; and he fell hard.

Needs to be able to see your face at all times, but isn’t opposed to doing it from behind, as long as there’s a mirror. 

Big fan of you being on top, with him thrusting, he gets to see himself and you at the same time, plus he can control the pace, it’s a no-brainer. 

He’s an “anytime, any place” kinda guy., you just have to say the word. Pool, Janitors closet, dressing room, toilets, he’s in.

Kenshi Takahashi;

Loves to feel you close. Skin-on-skin contact is an absolute must. He’s obsessed with your body.

Needs your wrapped around him, his head buried in your neck.

Pillowtalk KING. Cherishes being wrapped up in the covers with you, just holding you, reminding you how much he loves you.

Trusts you fully, you see him at his most vulnerable, he loves not having to be on his guard. Has a small kink for letting you take complete control.

Syzoth;

It’s a weird situation with him, you being warm and him being cold. He cannot get enough of entering you, feeling that warmth, it drives him crazy.

Lasts a long time. Big on edging. 

You tend to get caught up in laughing with each other, you’ll just look at each other and giggle. Enhances the feeling tenfold.

Can sandwich you between his cold body and a cold wall, he loves the way you heat up. 

Shang Tsung; 

You serve him. Seeing you on your knees gets him going. 

He never does it laying down, he’s always sitting or standing. You’re either bent over, on his lap, or on your knees.

Crazy for hair pulling, loves pulling you back and staring at the mess he made of your face. 

Will reward you, loves when you beg for him, show him you yearn for him.

Reiko; 

Post. Fight. Sex.

His adrenaline is high, his chest heaving - still trying to catch his breath, covered in blood, his only thought is you.

Absolutely feral. 

From behind, your hair is being pulled, your waist gripped, throat choked, your ear bitten.

Havik; 

Likes to be served, 100%. 

An exhibitionist. Likes to humiliate you, but also show you off. 

Youre HIS. Everyone, from outworld to the neatherrealm to earthrealm, will know about how good he makes you feel.   

Will degrade you but simultaneously tell you how good you feel. 

[walpu]

I need more content about who frequently reader 'kidnaps' Aventurine for my heart. Please walpie, give us your ideas on this (because I found it such a funny and also wholesome concept)

Hi!! So sorry for the delay 😭

notes - gn!reader, fluff, established relationship, no beta, inspire be this post

"kidnapping" Aventurine

The IPC doesn't really know what to do with you, because surely the person who keeps breaking in is supposed to be arrested.

Not only it's pretty much illegal to sneak into Pier Point and make a mess in the Marketing Development Department, but it's also illegal to kidnap one of the Ten Stonehearts, thank you very much.

The problem is, director Aventurine doesn't seem to mind? At least, he doesn't fight back? He always comes back like nothing happened and tells everyone the situation is under control but then it all repeats again after a month or so.

When asked why he doesn't fight back, he smiles mysteriously.

"You think so highly of my abilities? Thanks, I'm flattered~ But sorry to disappoint, I'm not that foolish to think I can overpower a wanted criminal".

A wanted criminal who never even threatened him or anything. They just carry him away like he's a princess.

If you ever see him willingly jumping in their arms, you saw nothing.

Aventurine cherishes every single act of "kidnapping".

He knows he can't stop you from doing it, you insist on it no matter how many times he tells you to stop endangering yourself. You can just arrange normal dates, you know.

But it's still endearing. Your sincere and innocent desire to give him a break from the IPC, to save him. It warms his heart in a way he can't describe.

Subconsciously he even waits for it to happen. It's always a surprise!

You two may have a normal conversation on the phone but suddenly you say "hey, wait a sec, need to do something" and in a few minutes he can here explosions and people panicking.

"Darling, don't tell me-" "Yeah, I'm on the floor, see you soon".

He loves acting dramatic when you "kidnap him".

That one tiktok audio "mx. kidnapper, don't hurt me~" "don't worry, I'm not gonna touch you" "why not :("

When you're safe and away from the IPC, he clings to you and keeps playfully asking what such a scary criminal as yourself would do to him and what can he do for you to let him go.

"Should I beg you, my gorgeous criminal? Kiss you all over?? I'll do anything for you to let me go unharmed~"

Play along for a while, he gets a kick out of it.

He finds it so endearing when you brag about messing with Oswaldo's documents.

"Such a naughty little criminal you are. How should I deal with you, hm?"

The answer is always kisses ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Btw he's sure that Jade and Diamond know what's going on. But you can never be sure with them. As long as they don't get in the way, you both are fine with that.

[littlemissshoei]

SYLUS HEADCANONS (LAD)

sfw & nsfw — this one's in honour of my sylus smutshot doing so well heh..

content warning: suggestive / nsfw content, mentions of kinks, fluff, bad habits

i love Sylus so much guys.. Nothing's gonna top Zayne for me but he feels like a breathe of fresh air for sure!

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ ⠀SYLUS enjoys teasing you. He loves trampling on all your nerves, pissing you off and driving you towards your breaking point. His sarcastic little remarks followed by the oh so innocent drop of his favourite petnames for you (kitten, sweetie) are enough to make you want to strangle him.

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ ⠀SYLUS makes sure you know how badly he wants you. Be it from his painfully obvious flirt attempts through text messages or how straightforward he acts when you're face to face; He wants you to know that you have his full attention and that he'd do anything to win you over.

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ ⠀SYLUS is honest with you when it comes to his business and way of handling things. He doesn't need someone that's terrified of him by his side, hence why he decided to let you onto anything you wish to know, waiting to see just how much you can handle.

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ ⠀SYLUS makes sure to get you everything your heart desires. He doesn't care about what he has to do to obtain it (Both legal and illegal methods), He will get it for you with no hesitation. So when a strange package with your favourite perfume (that was sold out everywhere) gets delivered to your doorstep, you know who the culprit behind it is.

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ ⠀SYLUS is a sore loser. The amount of times you had to drag him away from the claw machine before he went berserk on it makes you laugh. Kieran and Luke tend to tease him about it — behind close doors that is. What ticks him off even more is when he uses his evol, just to fail his much bragged about attempt too. Whenever the two of you visit the arcade you prefer staying away from any pay to win games, yet you cannot deny how cute that proud look on his face is whenever he manages to get you the plushie you desired.

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ ⠀SYLUS' favourite places to kiss you are your lower back, your inner thighs and your pulse points, though he prefers leaving bite marks rather than soft kisses.

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ ⠀SYLUS loves to mark you up. He couldn't care less about making it obvious. If he could, he'd paint your whole neck full of purple lovebites. Due to his habit, there have been way too many times where you ran out of foundation to cover them. Good thing he's rich, because he always buys you a new one (when you beg him. He prefers leaving you foundationless so you cannot cover them up.)

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ ⠀SYLUS is a switch. While he enjoys being the one in control, watching you squirm under him as you try your best to get used to his length, something about you taking the lead turns him on like crazy. The way your fingers graze over his skin as you tease him, pressing featherlight kisses all over his body, it turns his brain into mush.

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ ⠀SYLUS is very much into bondage, breath play / choking, risky situation (public / semi public sex), marking, etc. His favourite positions are reverse cowgirl (especially in front of a mirror or any reflecting surface where you can see your pretty expression), and doggy style (allowing him to do as he pleases with you)

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ ⠀SYLUS gets pissed off easily when it comes to you. He absolutely despises you staying away for too long, not even mentioning you'll be home later as usual. While he doesn't like to admit it, the fear of losing you gnaws at him. Most of your arguments with Sylus have to do with your stupidity and knack for getting yourself into trouble.

﹒୨𝑒 ﾟ ˖ ⠀SYLUS usually turns to silent treatment when he's had enough. Even though you two rarely get into arguments, whenever you do he becomes silent. He doesn't like opening up, considering emotional moments like this nothing but a hassle, a weakness that should never be exposed. The more time passes, the more he is willing to open up, but for him to talk it out with you instead of locking himself in his room and staying there until he feels better will take a whole lot longer than the mere babysteps you managed to make so far.

[malum-forev]

Hi

I loveee the mob!bucky fics

Could you please do bingo- "tending to wounds after a fight"

Thank you

I’m so sorryyy this is so late but…. Here it is!!

Even before he knocked on your door, you knew he was there.

It had been like that ever since the two of you had crossed paths.

One fateful night you’d left the bar late enough for him to be arriving.

All your singing career you’d avoided men like him. The ones who come and buy anything they want, break anything they don’t like and take whatever they think is theirs.

But James Barnes was different.

People at the bar whispered his name like it was illegal to speak of him. But you didn’t care. A transplant from somewhere you wanted to forget, coming to New York City to make a name for yourself. That’s who you were.

You’d see him while you were on stage. He’d always sit at the table in the back, exactly where the light reflectors wouldn’t catch, so you could always see those steel blue eyes perfectly.

Strong, intense, captivating.

James would come in and order a single malt whiskey, stay until the end of your set, then leave. Every day for three months.

But once, he stayed after you’d finished your last song.

“You have quite a voice.” His gravelly voice scared you.

“Thank you.” You held your ground, taking the mic off stage with you as you walked past him.

Bucky let out a dry laugh. No one ignored him.

“I’m-“ he extended his hand but you paid no mind to it. Packing your stuff in the only bag you had and saying goodbye to Marnie, the hostess, on your way out with James hot on your heels.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow, then?” James leant on the door of his Rolls Royce, parked just outside the door on a no waiting zone.

“You’re gonna get a ticket if you don’t move.” You mumbled, walking past him and the ego boost he called a car

“Is that all you’re going to say?” Bucky was actually surprised. He leapt from his standing position to rush towards you.

“Have a nice night Mr.Barnt.” You intentionally messed up his name.

“You can call me anything you want, so long as it gets me a date, Doll.” He flashed his award winning smile at you.

“Why?” You finally stopped.

“Why what?”

“Why me? Out of every woman who wants your attention, why me?” You put your hands on your hips.

“You’re the only one who’s been on my mind for months.” He crosses his arms. “Even before you noticed me.”

Your furrowed brows give him a chance to continue.

“The table at the far left is the only one you can focus on.” James holds in a smile.

“How do you know that?”

“Because I’ve tested it. Morning, noon and night that spot gets optimal vision.”

“I’m at the bar most of the day and I’ve never seen you there conducting your so called tests.”

“I’m there before working hours.” He finally graces you with the smile. “I bought the place after I heard you worked there.”

“That’s quite a gesture for a stranger.” You raised your eyebrows.

“You’re not a stranger,” He leans in, his intoxicating perfume entrancing you immediately. “You’re my future wife.”

Now it was your time to laugh.

“Can you make time for your future husband?” He cocks his head, flashing you a dazzling smile. “Say, tomorrow night?”

You were about to say no. You should have said no. But he was so goddamned charming.

“One date, one hour.” You said before turning on your heel and leaving down the block.

One hour turned into six. And one date turned into twenty. He waltzed his way into your heart by exposing his darkest secrets and innermost feelings.

The two of you talked about your past lives and how sometimes you wished you could go back. Be less ambitious and want the simple life back home.

Before you realized it, you were Bucky’s plus one to everything.

But the man who confided in you was completely different to the man he was during his less than desirable 9-5.

So here you were, waiting for him on the couch with Alpine, the cat the two of you had rescued. One of your only companions.

Bucky dropped his keys on the round table at the entrance of his mansion. By the sound of his dragging feet, it was a bad day.

“I can’t do this anymore,” a silent tear slipped your eye as you lifted a trembling hand to his cut cheek.

“I know, baby.” He curled into your touch, not caring if it hurt.

“I can’t watch you get hurt.” You dabbed his bleeding knuckles wit the damp towel you’d prepared.

The exposed skin made your stomach twist but deep down you knew the feeling was there because it was time to let go.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.” You whisper, but you know Bucky doesn’t believe you. You’ve said it three times before and never left.

“Please don’t. I’m going to end it.” He says with empty promises.

“Bucky,” You look into his eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too-“

“But,” you interrupt him. “I need to leave.”

His cut eyebrow furrows. The blood traveling down his face travels down his cheek and drops into your hands.

“I’m done.”

It’s the tension in your body that makes Bucky shoot up.

“You can’t be serious.” He loosens his bloody tie. The stains on his dark grey suit shift around as he paces across the living room.

“James,” that’s what makes him scared.

“Baby let’s go back,” he holds your face in his hands. “What about this morning? You were so happy, we’re going to leave here. Remember?”

“You know what I remember? The fact that I spent all day worried sick that you’d end up dead!” You yell. “That today will be the day that Steve comes through that door and tells me it’s all over.”

“I’ll be more careful, I promise.” Bucky follows you through the mansion as you pick up your things. Desperation crawls up his throat.

“I love you!” He yells out as you reach for the door.

“I love you too much to stay.” Your voice trembles but you don’t look back.

“I love you! I love you.” You hear him fall to his knees and that almost stops you. But it’s not enough.

“Please, I love you,” is the last thing you hear him say.

Authors Note: I want to thank all of you for the love and support! I’m sorry I’ve been absent butttt I want to say thank you for the new followers! I’m about to hit 2k! I’m thinking of doing another bingo! Would love suggestions of what you’d like to read.

[catmiemy]

Another Chance to Live Part 2 (Ana Maria Crnogorčević x Reader)

Summary: Ana has to play against her former club with your former team. You do your best to support each other and slowly become closer.

Part 1

A/N: It took me a bit longer to re-read and edit this than I thought since it made me emotional because of another transfer that I'm still in denial about 😭

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this next part. I'm always happy to hear what you think or what you'd like to see in this story.

Just like you had hoped, Ana and you continued to hang out regularly. In fact you spent most of your days off together and even met up fairly often in the evenings, relaxing either at her or your apartment. More often than not you still couldn’t believe your luck that the Swiss woman actually liked being around you too.

You made sure to steer away from any deep topics though, keeping in mind that Ana preferred when you offered distractions when she seemed unhappy. It wasn’t always easy for you because you wanted to know everything about her and you longed to comfort the blonde when she looked at you with sad eyes. However you understood that she had other people, better friends, that she could talk these things over with.

On the other hand Ana with her sweet and caring nature always asked how you were doing and offered to listen to your problems the moment she picked up that something was bothering you. The desire to tell her everything was almost unbearable at times. You wanted to unload all the things weighing on your heart , well maybe not everything, you would never reveal your feelings for her, but other things like the situation at your club or with your family.

However you didn’t. You successfully kept yourself from spilling your sorrows to Ana. For one you didn’t want to burden the Swiss woman with your problems, she had enough going on without you adding to it. And also you didn’t want her to know that she was the only person you would actually feel comfortable opening up to. It was a painful reminder that Ana was so much more important to you than you were to her.

A few days before Atlético was due to play Barcelona in Madrid the two of you were hanging out again. You had cooked some food together and then settled down in front of the TV for the night. You could tell that the Swiss woman was having a hard time focusing on the show you were watching, even though she had picked it.

Ana kept sighing quietly and glancing over at you. You in turn did your best to distract her, offering up your thoughts about what you were seeing on TV. It was getting increasingly difficult not to ask the blonde what was going on.

‘She prefers a distraction. She doesn’t want to talk about it, at least not with you. What she wants from you is a distraction, so try to find some interesting or funny things to say for crying out loud!’ You reminded yourself over and over again.

You were searching your brain to find something good to say when Ana broke the silence. “Can I ask you something?” She asked timidly.

The insecurity in Ana’s voice took you by surprise, that was really unlike her. But you didn’t dwell on it; instead you quickly assured the Swiss woman that she could always ask you anything.

“Okay, so…It’s not really a question but a favor. And it’s totally fine for you to say no, don’t feel bad at all if you say no! Especially because it puts you in a bit of an awkward situation. You know what, I’m just now realizing how stupid and selfish this is and I just changed my mind.”

You reached out to place your hand on Ana’s thigh, hoping to comfort and calm the clearly agitated woman this way.

“Hey, don’t worry. Just ask me. I have no doubt that the answer will be yes,” you encouraged her.

There wasn’t a single thing you could think of that you wouldn’t do for Ana. Well maybe there were some things, most of them illegal in one way or another, but you doubted that the Swiss woman was going to ask for any of them.

Ana took a deep breath before rushing out her request, “Would you come watch our game this week? The idea of seeing all of my former teammates again really hurts and it would help me so much if I knew you were there. I understand that it’s a lot to ask because my team is your former team, so like I said…”

„Yes, of course I’ll come, it’s the least I can do,” you interrupted the Swiss woman.

Sure you weren’t too keen on going back to Atlético’s stadium and see all of your former teammates play together without you, but the simple fact that Ana asked you to come and even said it would help her, was enough to forget all about that. Who cared if it would make you a little sad? Who cared if maybe some people would come up to you and bring up the still painful transfer? You definitely didn’t, not if you had a chance to make the blonde feel better.

For some reason Ana seemed taken aback by your answer. “Wait what? It’s the least you can do? What have I ever done for you? If anything I owe you! You keep hanging out with me; you keep showing me amazing places here.”

You scrunched up your nose at the blonde’s words. It didn’t sit right with you that she made it sound like hanging out with her was a chore for you, not when it was the only thing that brought you any joy lately.

“But I love spending time with you!” You cried out, for once completely forgetting to add the obligatory ‘as a friend’.

A soft smile appeared on the Swiss woman’s face when she heard your words, as well as the indignation in your voice.

“The same is true for me,” she was quick to assure you, before focusing once again on her first question. She wouldn’t let you wriggle out of this so easily. “But seriously why do you feel like you need to pay me back in anyway? I don’t remember ever doing anything for you.”

Slight panic began pumping through your veins, as you scrambled to come up with anything better to offer up than ‘You hang out with me when you’re so much better than me and there are surely so many better people in your life that you could hang out with.’ That just wouldn’t do. It was one thing to be pathetic, but another thing to shout it from the rooftops.

“I didn’t really mean it like that. Just that I’m always happy to do anything for you,” you mumbled finally. This time you caught yourself however and quickly continued, “I love being there for my friends.”

Ana didn’t need to know that there was no one else on the planet you would do this for.

“Aw, you’re so sweet,” the blonde cooed, her compliment instantly making you blush. “And I hope you know that I’m always happy to do anything you need as well.”

You nodded instinctively, not believing it for one second. Not that you doubted that Ana would be there for you in a for a friend reasonable manner, but your commitment to her went way beyond that. There was very little the blonde could ask for that you wouldn’t do for her.

Thankfully the conversation moved on to safer topics after thi and you could relax once again. At least as much as you were ever able to relax around the woman you were hopelessly in love with.

---

When you walked to your seat in Atlético’s stadium a few days later you cursed yourself for agreeing to this. With every step you took it felt like the sadness inside of you grew, taking up more and more space until it was almost impossible to breathe.

This was supposed to be your stadium. Your teammates, former teammates you reminded yourself, had often called you the Alexia Putellas or Leah Williamson of Atlético Madrid. Someone that practically bled their team’s color, born and raised there, and honestly set on dying there too.

Not that you had ever been on a level comparable to Alexia or Leah, which had become painfully obvious when Aleti just dropped you like you were a piece of trash. You hadn’t told anyone this yet, but after that conversation you had seriously considered giving up football once and for all. The thought of playing anywhere else had been ripping you apart. But in the end the idea of not playing the sport you loved at all anymore had been even harder to bear.

You thanked your lucky star that you at least made it to your seat without anyone approaching you. At this point you weren’t sure if you would be able to keep it together if anyone spoke to you. Maybe the people around you could read as much on your face because you could definitely hear some whispering and felt a lot of gazes resting on you, but miraculously people kept their distance.

Although it was possible you were wrong about seemingly everyone watching you. You didn’t look around to check if the stares you could feel were actually real, instead you made sure to keep your eyes carefully trained on the pitch, avoiding making eye contact with anyone, which might inadvertently  give them the courage to come up to you.

So you sat there, totally rigid, every fiber of your body tense, wishing for the seconds to pass by as quickly as possible, but somehow that only made them crawl slower than a snail. Maybe you should just leave, come up with an excuse why you had to go. Was this really worth it?

You got your answer the moment Ana entered the pitch, looking around the stadium searchingly. The instant she spotted you a big smile appeared on the blonde’s face, all of the tightness leaving her body momentarily. 

Yes, this was worth it. Ana was worth this and so much more.

You kept thinking of the Swiss woman’s happiness and relief at seeing you when people got bolder during half time, walking up to you to tell you that they missed you at Atlético, that it wasn’t the same without you and that they would never forgive the club for their treatment of you. Empty words since they were here supporting them right now.

Not that you wanted them to turn their backs on the team. You understood having conflicting feelings, your own probably the most complicated of them all. Being back in this stadium you played so many of your games, made you furious and sad, but it also filled you with a longing to go back and brought about a sense of worthlessness. Why hadn’t you been good enough to keep around?

Despite Ana’s best effort to act nonchalant you saw the signs of her struggles clearly, even from the relative distance of the stands. So throughout the entire game you kept watching the blonde like a hawk, as if you could help her feel better about this by some sort of telepathic connection that required a laser like focus on your end.

This way you observed how tense Ana was when her former teammates hugged her, almost reluctant to accept the loving touches because she knew she wasn’t going to see them again anytime soon after this night. 

You also saw how lost the Swiss woman looked on the pitch when the game started. As if she couldn’t quite wrap her head around the fact that she was on the field with the Barça girls, but not as their teammate.

And you noticed that Ana avoided looking over to the traveling Barcelona fans until the game was finished, despite them chanting her name several times. Only once the final whistle was blown did she go over. It seemed impossible from your spot practically on the other side of the stadium, but you were sure you saw the Swiss woman holding back tears as she thanked them profusely.

You kept on watching while Ana talked with her former teammates. She smiled while chatting, but it was a smile filled with sadness. You briefly wondered if the Barça girls could see that as well. Did they even care? Even though you knew this wasn’t their fault at all, you felt an irrational anger towards them. How could they move on from Ana so quickly? They should have raised hell!

If you would have paid the Barça players any attention you would have seen the unhappiness and concern on their faces, clearly missing the Swiss woman a great deal. However your focus lay solely on the blonde.

The moment Ana disappeared into the tunnels, you also began making your way out of the stadium, keeping your head down and brushing off everyone that tried to initiate a conversation with you. They probably thought you were being rude, but you didn’t care. You were on a mission to get to Ana’s car, the agreed upon meeting point, as soon as possible.

If you would have stopped and thought about it for a second you would have realized that there was no way she would be there anytime soon. The Swiss woman still had to shower and stay around for the post match talk, so really there was no rush. Still, you hurried there as fast as you could.

And to be honest you also felt much more comfortable in the parking lot, an area off limits to the public, than in the stadium surrounded by so many curious fans. They had all been friendly and every single one that had spoken to you had stated that they were on your ‘side’, but nonetheless it was a constant reminder of your unwilling departure from your childhood club. And if it were up to you this subject would stay buried underneath heaps of pretending.

Therefore you worked hard to keep your mind away from your own dark thoughts while you waited for Ana, focusing instead on contemplating every possible emotional state the blonde could be in and how you could be a good distraction for her tonight. Because even though the two of you had to leave for your respective national teams tomorrow you had decided to spend the evening together, maybe even have a sleepover.

When the Swiss woman appeared, the first one from the team to get to the parking lot, she was a little out of breath and looked drained. Not physically, but emotionally. You debated giving her a hug, however Ana decided for you by walking directly towards the driver seat and slipping in without pausing for a second.

You assumed that she was just eager to leave, perhaps scared that one of her former teammates would catch up to her and would want to have a prolonged conversation. That was definitely something you were a little anxious about yourself with your own former teammates. Therefore the quick departure suited you just fine.

And when you caught a glimpse of some of your former teammates entering the car park as you drove off, you thanked Ana in your mind.

The truth was that the Swiss woman had actually done it for you. Throughout the night she didn’t have the same opportunity to continuously watch you as you had, but still she kept glancing over at you any chance she got. And Ana had noticed instantly that you didn’t feel comfortable, everything about your posture and your expression had screamed that you wanted to leave. So she had made sure to rush and get you out of there as quickly as she could.

During the car ride home you kept up a constant stream of light chatter, hoping that it posed a good enough distraction for your companion. Now that she was so close, you didn’t dare to outright stare at her like you had done during the game, but with some quick glances now and then you ensured that Ana looked mostly calm, not really happy though.

At your apartment you had everything waiting for a cozy movie night. You ushered Ana to sit down and relax, while you whirled around the apartment getting everything ready. It didn’t take long since you had prepared what you could before leaving for the game.

Once you sat down and flicked on the TV, turning to the Swiss woman with a slightly forced smile, you noticed that something wasn’t right. Ana was chewing her lips nervously, tapping the tips of her fingers together in quick succession.

“Is everything okay?” You blurted out before you could stop yourself. “No wait, I’m sorry, forget that. Let’s just watch the movie, hopefully that will be a good distraction and if not, just tell me. Then we can try something else. Maybe play a game? Or just go to sleep?“

Ana sighed deeply, unhappiness etched on her usually so happy face. Anxiety began freezing your veins; you weren’t doing a good enough job at distracting her. You weren’t good enough.

“Look I know I said that stupid thing about preferring distractions once but I didn’t mean it. I just said it because…” Ana trailed off, looking very uncertain if she should continue.

“What?”

That was the only thing you could think of. The idea that all this time you hadn’t actually been giving the blonde what she craved most, felt like a stab through the middle of your heart. But even more so you wondered, if you hadn’t than why had she still been hanging out with you?

Apparently Ana decided that she did want to explain her reasoning some more. She took a deep breath before she continued talking.

“I only said it because I felt so bad complaining about my transfer to Atlético to you of all people. But I’ve regretted it almost every time we’ve hung out. Because I want to talk with you about it, I want to talk about everything with you. And most of all I want you to talk to me about your own unwanted transfer and how it makes you feel. But I felt weird pushing you to open up about it after I said I didn’t want to talk about mine.”

There was too much in Ana’s explanation that you didn’t know how to deal with, so you focused on the things that were easy for you, “You know you can always talk to me about anything. Please never feel bad about that, I’m always happy to listen! And don’t worry about me, I’m totally fine with my transfer. These things happen and it’s not like Real is a bad team or anything, so I can’t really complain.”

That was a flat out lie of course, you had been complaining a lot about your transfer and you definitely still had strong feelings about it, all of them bad. But Ana didn’t need to worry about that, not when she was struggling with her own club situation.

The Swiss woman scooted closer to you, putting a hand on your thigh. She looked at you seriously and you knew instantly that the Swiss woman didn’t believe a word you had just said.

“Don’t do that, please. It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to feel bad after being dropped by your club, I know I do and my connection to Barcelona wasn’t even a deep as yours with Atléti.”

The softness of Ana’s voice combined with her words, words that you had been craving to hear for the longest time, brought tears to your eyes. You blinked furiously to get rid of them and quickly diverted your gaze, hopefully blocking the Swiss woman from seeing your watery eyes. Of course you had no such luck.

Ana closed the last few centimeters of distance between you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. Still, you didn’t turn to meet her eyes. You were fine. The transfer didn’t bother you. At least not enough to cry about it to the Swiss woman.

“Maybe tonight we can just be sad together? I think we both need that,” Ana suggested, her voice quivering.

This made you look up. When you saw that the blonde’s own eyes were also filled with tears your resolve to be strong crumbled. If Ana needed this than you would give it to her. And if it just so happened to align with what you longed for as well that was just a lucky coincidence.

“Okay,” you mumbled and that was all Ana needed. She drew you against her, practically pulling you into her lap.

You held out a second longer but when you felt Ana’s body shaking from her sobs and heard her crying, you didn’t bother to hold yourself back any longer, letting your own tears fall.

And that’s how you stayed for a long time, the two of you falling apart in each other’s arms. You didn’t really talk about anything that night, simply relocating to your bedroom and falling asleep in each other‘s arms once all the tears had been shed.

That was a first for the two of you. At every sleepover before you had kept a careful distance, both of you sleeping on their designated side of the bed, but that night nothing was keeping you apart.

[joocomics]

extra points

day 2 — collar w/ jungsu ⌞⌗ kinktober ⌝

𓂃⠀𓈒 rich boy!jungsu x fem!reader

genre: smut — mdni! wc: 1.9k

contains: college au, soft dom!jungsu, sub!reader, oral sex (m!rec), deepthroating, dirty talk, lots of pet names, praise kink, light bdsm play (usage of collar with a leash)

a/n: this may be a part of something bigger one day

[ kinktober masterlist | general masterlist ]

“So unfortunate, you’re missing just one more point.”

You take the exam paper from Jungsu’s hand and quickly skim through it - your name written at the top and your course work right below it, with Jungsu’s notes written at the bottom in the same red color he used to grade it.

At the moment you’re too frustrated with the condescending smile he’s staring at you with to ask any questions about your mistakes. His presence alone is annoying so you’re going to read everything once you’re home, and you’re going to text him if needed, so you don’t have to deal with his attitude in person.

“Thanks,” you sigh, reaching for his course work. “Here’s yours.”

You can’t wait for the semester to be over so you can get rid of this class and the professor who thinks making his students grade each other’s work is a good tool for improving skills. (Maybe it is, but it would have worked better for you if you weren’t paired up with Kim Jungsu.)

“Thanks, Y/N.” Another smile creeps up on his lips once he sees his excellent points. “You’re an angel.”

He smiles too much, you notice, and every time he does, for a second you wonder if there's a possibility that you might be wrong about him. Perhaps he’s so popular because of his perfect smile radiating joy, innocence and politeness, not because he’s a secret jerk.

“I’m not giving you extra points if that’s what you’re assuming.”

It seems your expression changes drastically, because Jungsu looks at you with surprise.

“Of course not,” he replies as he unzips his backpack. “Can’t I compliment a pretty girl when I see one?”

Your heart flutters for a short moment before you take a breath and answer.

“You can do whatever you want.”

Jungsu nods and his lips turn up - of course. But this time the effects of his smile remain with you throughout the whole day.

His idea is bad.

Really bad. Most of all - wrong. Illegal.

Cheating in any way is never the right thing to do. However, after hearing Jungsu out the idea gets stuck in your head and you can’t stop thinking about it; considering it. It sounds so easy and tempting.

You really don’t want to do poor on this class, any class. If you have the opportunity to fix this one small stupid mistake that’s keeping you from getting the good grade you deserve, why not take it?

Although, the real question is another one. If you agree to this, are you really going to do it for your grade? Do your bottled up feelings for Jungsu have anything to do with this? The secret desire to be one of his toys like you’ve heard many people call the girls around him.

Without this extra point your grade is not that bad - it's not excellent, but it's still good. In the same vein - it's just a kiss.

“So…” your mouth is completely dry when you speak up. “We kiss and in return you change my grade.”

“Damn, angel,” Jungsu chuckles, leaning back into the sofa, “you sound so strict and professional.”

“I’ll rewrite everything tonight and when I send it to you, you’ll have it done by tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

Jungsu tilts his head meanwhile his one arm leans on the back of the sofa as if he’s signaling you to join him already.

You don’t want to show how much you actually want to kiss him so you stand up slowly. You sit next to him on your knees, feeling your body temperature rising.

You’ve never been so close before. You can feel his expensive cologne in the air and you’re ready to welcome it on your clothes… on your skin.

“You can come closer.”

And with these words of his all your hidden cravings open inside you. You’ve tried to bury them for so long, ignoring them by not paying Jungsu any attention. The idea of him, the son of one of the most powerful families in the city, showing interest in you sounded ridiculous anyway.

And yet here you are - not able to contain your moaning just from his thumbs circling your nipples. Maybe it’s embarrassing, maybe he thinks you’re overreacting, you don’t care.

You keep following his lead, kissing him hard and letting out little whines and groans when you feel the need to which is often. His hands are underneath your shirt; he tugged down your bra to feel your plush breasts, but he still hasn’t seen them bare. He continues to toy with your perked up nipples beneath the clothing as his tongue explores your mouth.

“How long can I kiss you for, angel?” He asks, and his voice after all this long kissing sounds still soft, but with a discreet raspiness that adds to your arousal.

At first you’re not sure what to respond, but then…

“I already told you… you can do whatever you want.”

Jungsu observes your face for a moment, trying to really figure you out. It was your beauty and your unbothered attitude towards him that sparked his idea to ask the professor to pair you up with him for the entire class, but now more and more things about you interest him.

Good thing he always gets what he wants.

“Looks like you really need that grade,” he jokes, and you only answer with a coy smile.

The intense eye contact breaks once his right hand withdraws from your chest to unbutton your pants and you feel the tip of his middle finger rubbing your clit.

“You’re sensitive everywhere,” he comments satisfied at the sounds he’s hearing; your pretty moans are like a hypnotising tune. Another thing that he likes is how you’re not ashamed to express your neediness; how you’re ready to give him all despite him asking only for a kiss. “And so needy to be touched.” His tongue traces your neck and in result your hips attempt to press you into his crotch harder.

Jungsu chuckles again and leans back to check you out, looking already dazed and so horny.

He walks you through his big living area, then to his huge minimalistic bedroom where there's a beautiful painting above the bed with navy blue sheets. With each step you remove more of your clothes and leave them on the floor until you're both naked with goosebumps across your skin.

There's only one thing we need, he says before opening his wardrobe.

His tall naked figure hovers over you and you can feel the discreet dominance radiating from his toned body. He doesn’t even need to say anything - one look and one touch is enough for you to obey and satisfy his wishes.

As he puts the black collar around your neck you gulp once or twice with your eyes roaming all over his chest. His arm muscles flex the more he moves around you, turning you on even with his scent.

“It suits you, angel.” He steps back while holding the leash from black leather in his hand. “Makes you even prettier.”

You switch positions and now he’s the one sat down on the edge of the bed, not letting you out of sight, and you’re the one standing in front of him, waiting to see where this will lead.

“Down, baby.”

You kneel silently between his legs as he’s manspreading without letting go of you.

It already feels like this is where you belong.

Jungsu stares down and catches your hands flinching a bit; so impatient to touch him, but not brave enough to do it. He’s enjoying the little show, and especially the seductive view of your parted lips and your pupils blown wide open, anticipating his next move while glowing with lust.

“The collar is already teaching you to behave, isn’t it? You need to learn to be more patient, angel.”

You lick over your lips when you notice him roll the leash around his hand and pull it down. You gasp as he directs your face lower; the warm breaths leaving your mouth envelop his erection.

Jungsu’s spare hand grips on the roots of your hair and you pout at the pain in your scalp as he yanks your head back. This forces you to look up from his cock just when your mouth began to water at the sight of his big tip, flushed and glistening with arousal.

“Please—“ you whisper as your hands glide over his thighs. “Let me.”

“So cute.”

You smile at the way his thumb caresses the corner of your mouth before leaning down into his crotch once you feel the pressure of the collar giving you permission.

His big size fills your mouth bit by bit after you lick it up and down. A surprised humm slips from your tongue as its heaviness settles on it; your puffy lips strech painfully to take as much as possible of him, and both of you hold your breaths, curious to see how much you’ll be able to handle. You’re already disappointed that you won’t be able to fit it all in.

“Fuck—“ Jungsu’s captivating voice moans above you from the pleasure entering his body.

You’re not able to see him anymore from the leash guiding you in the steady pace he likes.

You put all your attention and effort into breathing properly through your nose and bobbing your head up and down in the speed that makes him groan the most, but it’s becoming harder to keep it up as the seconds pass by. Your jaw starts to hurt too much making it difficult to swallow even half of his length now.

Jungsu retrieves you from his cock by tugging your hair back and you gasp for air, keeping your hands still behind your back the way he wants them to be.

“Good job, pretty angel.” He praises you and after giving you few seconds to breathe he guides you down again. “You’re talented.”

Your neck veins are emphasised beneath the leather as he keeps you between his thighs; your skin heats up as your chin drips with spit while his thick length glides towards your throat, causing lewd sounds to erupt from each move.

He’s so big and the pain is bittersweet. Every time you manage to invite him deeper while keeping your cheeks hollow, his voice turns shakier.

The wet sounds of your throat mix with his blissful groaning when he stops you from lifting your head up. The gag causes his toned figure to squirm, his hips to jump up and feel more. The way you struggle, slobbering at his throbbing erection has his hand pressing down harder against your skull.

“Holy shit—“ The grip around the leash tightens the moment his abs clench; the muscles of his legs tense as he bucks his hips up again. “Fuck, I knew you can take it.“

The next poking of his tip makes you choke which almost throws Jungsu over the edge.

He finally glances down when you start coughing, making an even bigger mess in his lap.

“Easy, baby,” he cups your face with comforting hands, “come here.”

Following the leash, you end up in the centre of the bed. As you sink down, amazed at how the feeling of him inside you already makes you melt, Jungsu still keeps an eye on the accessory around your neck.

The leash continues to occasionally move you in different angles and directions; to mark your skin with possessive red hues; to drag you closer for a kiss and pull you back to arch your spine like a cat when you switch positions.

Jungsu has had this collar for so long, and many girls have spent the night in this same bed, but you’re the first one to interest him enough to make him want to use it.

Maybe this wasn’t a bad idea after all.

! please do not repost, copy or translate my works

! please keep in mind english is not my first language. i apologise for any mistakes i’ve might missed

[mochazai]

₊˚⊹♡ 𝙷𝚒𝚜 𝙼𝚞𝚜𝚎 [𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟶𝟷] ♡₊˚⊹

Summary: An aspiring author with a dark past to overwrite , finds himself addicted to a different kind of poison

Pairing: Writer!Dazai x Barista!Reader

Genre: yandere / fluff

A/N: relaunching this blog with a little series, hope y’all like it!

*skritch scratch swoop*

The old fashioned ink pen dragged over the paper; a stark contrast to the modern cafe Dazai found himself in.

He found his lines growing fainter the longer he wrote and sighed before dipping it back into the pot of obsidian-black ink. He hurried to write down his thoughts before he forgot;he almost always forgot.

‘Maybe I should switch to carbon…’ he thought, looking at the nib of his pen, now having jotted down the line he’d wanted to, making sure it lived on forever in his writing.

Well, maybe not forever,more like as long as he kept it dry.

Another downside to using ink,as Dazai had come to realise, was that one drop of water,or in his case alcohol,could undo months or even years of work.perhaps the newer invention made sense after all?

But no.

“Odasaku preferred ink,and so I'm sticking to ink too.” He said matter-of-factly.

Dazai often wondered why he became a writer; and then he’d remember.

Maybe he did need to get his head looked at…no,that’d be expensive,and maybe he’d actually get put in jail this time if he willingly let someone look at the fucked up maze of thoughts he called his mind.

Maybe he wasn’t as bad as he thought he was? Yeah! He was actually oka-

Nope. One look at the musings in front of him and he knew he was not normal.

The lines were thickly written,with far too much pressure for a normal poem or love letter,which ended up in the ink leaving blood like splatters across the paper.

‘Hmm,’ he thought to himself, ‘blood’

Could it be used as ink? Perhaps? Yes! It should be possible!

He looked to his finger and thought about testing his hypothesis right then and there when-

“ One mocha, with a shot of espresso and whole milk, for Osamu Dazai!”

He heard his name and his order and practically floated over to where the voice had come from.

That angelic voice…its owner, the very person who plagued his dreams and nightmares, the person who inspired all of his latest pieces and whose absence in his life caused him to drink so much that he spilled sake all over his writings,causing them to fade away and become illegible ,but perhaps that was for the best…

“Thank you y/n,” he said with a smile as he took the drink in both his hands,”looking flawless as always~” he added with a wink.

You blushed,as you always did, and let out another on of your cute laughs,Dazai’s heart did a flip and he swore that he’d do anything to make sure no one ever wiped that smile off your face,he’d rip his heart from his chest if you’d ask, he’d drink cyanide if you’d put it in his coffee,because osamu dazai was obsessive. He knew not how to love like a ‘normal’ man,only to throw himself into something so fully that it drove him insane. Insane with desire, with love, and with lust.

such was the situation before him.

He needed you like he needed air. He needed to feel your skin against his if only for a moment. Yet all he did was smile at you and return to his seat.

You watched his retreating form and your intrusive thoughts got the better of you.

You walked over to his table,some paper napkins in hand to use as an excuse if you chickened out.

You tapped your finger on his shoulder and he turned around so fast that it made you trip.

You braced yourself for impact but then felt a bandaged arm wrap around your waist and catch you,the grip of said arm holding you firmly and its owner's face was mere inches away from yours.

“Careful bella,” he said, his coffee-scented breath fanning over your face, “coulda hurt yourself there” there was a long pause as you looked into his eyes and as he took in your features, studying them and committing them to memory,as if he hadn’t already,his gaze lingering on your lips a little longer than you though normal,but he didn’t notice and you didn’t care.gods, how you wanted to kiss him in that moment,but you calmed your nerves and blurted out your question.

“Are you free later tonight? My friends are having a party and i want you to be my plus one”

‘What the fuck??? You WANT him to be his plus one??? Way to sound desperate y/n!’ You mentally scolded yourself,and in the process missed how his expression shifted from shock to a smirk.

“Actually,” he began, drawing you out of your mini-pity party, “i’d love to~” and this time you didnt miss the smirk that was plastered on his face,nor did you miss how his eyes darkened,or even how his hold on your waist tightened just a little.

Your heart beat faster and your eyes involuntarily darted to his lips.

But just as you were about to make your move you heard a loud,

“Y/N!!!”

It was your co-worker calling you back to your station.

You begrudgingly stood up straight, scrawled out your number on one of the napkins,handed them to him and darted back to your station, apologising for nearly spilling his coffee and thanking him for catching you.

And all the while all he noticed was how adorable you looked when you were flustered and how you’d very nearly kissed him.

‘But no matter’ he’d thought as he sat down in his seat. You’d get your chance later that day…and so would he.

𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐛𝐲 @𝐦𝐨𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐳𝐚𝐢 ; 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐲,𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨����𝐧.

[manchestereyes]

i wanna be with you everywhere

summary: A month after meeting for the first time, Phil discovers Dan's neck thing.

rating: T

word count: 1366

tags: fluff, 2009 fic, yearning (if you squint)

Read on ao3

“Good god, Phil, I thought your mum was never going to let me go, back there,” Dan sighs as he flops onto Phil's bed. And oh… the way he leans his head so casually against his arm should be illegal.

“I know!” Phil hops up next to him, curling himself into Dan's space with a wicked smile. It's a shock she couldn't tell how antsy her youngest son was. “As if she hadn't interrogated me enough about you when I said you were coming over.” He nudges one of Dan's legs with his socked foot, boxers straining against his skinny jeans. Inwardly, he forces his brain and body to calm down.

It’s been a month since they first met in person and every day, Phil is sure his feelings for Dan can’t grow any stronger. Their endless hug the last time Dan went home left him desperate to hop on the train with him and never let him go. Who gives a flying fuck about responsibilities when his favorite person in the world is hundreds of kilometers away? And some of those texts Dan’s been sending these past few weeks that signal his desire runs just as deep as Phil’s? Well, Phil’s heart may as well have flown to Wokingham with the way it’s been acting lately.

Looking back at Dan now, Phil finds his eyes have grown dark, the circles underneath becoming even more pronounced. Underneath the pain, though, a smile breaks through softer than Phil's yet seen from Dan. It's a sight so wonderful that Phil decides then and there that he'll do anything to bring that smile back.

“You know, you're so lucky to have a mum who genuinely cares about you. It’s just… I hope you know that, Phil.” Dan reaches out to trace along his collarbone, and it’s all Phil can do not to melt into a puddle right there.

Of course he knows some of the struggles Dan’s had at home, only drawn out of him in the wee hours of their Skype calls, when the real world disappears for as long as they can stay awake. But to hear it from him in person is another thing entirely. It slams into Phil much like the train Dan just hopped off, to the point where he’s shocked his heart hasn’t spilled across the bed.

Still, even if it had, he’s sure Dan would cradle it in his gentle way.

“Oh, Dan,” Phil pouts, shivering a bit and inching closer as Dan’s finger grazes his Adam’s apple. “You know I hate that that’s your reality. I bet you if I told her, my mom would adopt you before you could ever escape from here.”

“Phil…” Dan’s giggle is as sweet as honey, his eyes twinkling like freshly fallen snow. His finger trails off and lands back on the bed, leaving Phil hungering after it. “You know that would make us…”

“Oh nooooo!” Phil covers his face and buries it in Dan’s chest, but he’s not actually embarrassed. He knew what he was saying. He just needed to see Dan’s face light up in the way that can power his darkest nights. They giggle together for a bit before Phil blinks a few times and tilts his head up…

…only to find Dan’s face mere centimeters away, a longing in his eyes to match Phil’s own. His breaths coming heavier and faster now, Phil braces Dan’s head between his hands and kisses him with everything he has.

It’s a kiss to make up for the thousands of minutes, hundreds of hours, and far too many days they’ve gone without seeing each other. It’s a kiss to show Dan how wanted, how needed he is. It’s a kiss Phil hopes can communicate even a fraction of the staggering feelings he has for Dan.

And god, the way Dan kisses back is enough to send Phil writhing against him, to the point where just Dan’s lips aren’t enough for him. So he trails his lips over to Dan’s cheek, savoring every drop of him, his desire only growing as he kisses his way down Dan’s jaw and onto his neck. And then…

Oh. The gasp Dan lets out is so earth shattering Phil almost doesn’t notice the hardness pressing into his leg. It fills him with a confidence he’s only recently discovered around Dan– and a tightening in his own pants. Maybe that’s what causes him to pull away long enough to find Dan looking well fucked, despite the fact that they’re both fully clothed.

With a giddy smirk, Phil breathes, “Is that good?” The husky tone to his voice isn’t new to him or Dan. Still, the way Dan bites his lip at that shouldn’t be allowed. Fuck.

“Is that… fuck, what do you think, Phil?” A flush has risen now into Dan’s entire face and it delights Phil to no end. It also sets off a lightbulb deep in the Dan-sized pocket of his brain.

“Wait a second. Wait..” Phil’s giggling so much he can barely get the words out. “Is that… is that why you slapped my hand away when I brushed your neck that first day? Do you have,” Phil’s voice drops to a whisper, “a sensitive neck, Dan?”

“I mean… maybe?”

“Maybe?” Phil yelps back, then slaps his hands over his mouth. Shit, he almost forgot his parents are still here! What if they hear him and have to find out the hard way that their youngest boy isn’t ever going to grow into the man they hoped he would be? What if– 

Oh fuck. They’re definitely going to hear the scream laugh that Dan lets out then. 

“Dan! My parents are right downstairs!” Phil hisses. And yet, there’s a part of him that’s so happy Dan is finally here and back in his bed and all over him that he can’t help laughing too. Dan only laughs harder at that until both he and Phil are gasping for air, tears rushing down their cheeks, and Phil is sure he’s never felt happier. It’s fizzing up in him to the point where he has to smack his hands against Dan to let his amusement out somehow.

“You have a sensitive neck! Dan Howell, I never would have expected!” The realization sends another shock of joy through him. After nearly six months of knowing him and one month of closing the distance between them, this may be his favorite thing he’s found out about Dan. 

Well, that and the way he scrunches his face up at Phil’s words. “It’s not that sensitive! Just…” He shakes his head in a way that tells Phil he knows he’s lost, but he doesn’t care. Not here. Not when he’s with Phil.

“You have a sensitive neeeck! You have a sensitive neeeck!” Phil singsongs, though he’s not sure why. There’s just some part of him that needs to tease Dan about this. It’s as cute as his obsessions with Muse and Final Fantasy… and maybe with Phil himself?

“Shut your goddamn mouth,” Dan mutters. But the way he presses his lips again to Phil’s tells him he doesn’t mind at all. In fact, Phil’s quite sure he loves it.

So Phil continues to trace his lips all down Dan’s neck and collarbone, delighting in his new discovery with every gasp that escapes Dan’s lips. And then it hits him.

There’s no way being with Dan can be wrong when it feels this good. Phil’s alright! No, he’s better than alright– he’s free. Freer than he ever felt with any of his failed uni hookups, or even the brief will they-won’t they relationships he’s found himself in.

The realization stitches up a dark corner of his heart. Phil only hopes that with time, he and Dan can work to stitch up the (as far as Phil can tell) much larger corner of Dan’s heart.

Though he’s pretty sure the flashes of pure joy he’s seen today have already begun to work their wonders. He just hopes these feelings can continue to grow for a long time to come.

But by the way things are going, Phil is quite sure he has no reason to worry.

[the-sacred-now]

An Open Letter to the Single-Issue Pro-Life Voter

What do you want more: For abortion to be illegal? Or for fewer abortions to occur?

There’s a reason so many of the Left think that all single issue pro-life voters are obsessed with controlling women’s bodies: because most of your official allies are more interested in punishing people for their pregnancies than in doing anything that could actually be called pro life.

But I know many of you really DO want to save lives, to make lives viable. I trust your hearts—because I used to be one of you.

I argued against abortion with the best of 'em, not because I wanted to push my religion into law, or to control anyone, but because of my belief in that life should be defended, and my genuine care for the unborn.

I’ve learned a lot. Some of my positions have changed, and some of them haven’t.

I’ve faced the fact that one person has the right withhold their own bodily resources as a matter of course. Even after our own death, in the United States, use of our body’s lifesaving resources is not legal without our prior consent.¹

I’ve faced the fact that “risk to the life of the mother” is a reality that stalks every pregnancy, always present and recently rising in the U.S., and a person has the right to refuse that risk.²

I’ve learned more about the dangers of ectopic pregnancies, the primary drivers of late-term abortions.³

I’ve learned the truth about blastocysts and how long it actually takes before an embryo resembles anything more than a bacterial culture, and what a 6 week pregnancy really looks like.⁴

I’ve learned that abortion was not even considered an issue for American Christians until after the religious Right lost the culture war around the Civil Rights movement.⁵

But even without all those factors, this counterintuitive fact would have stopped me in my tracks on the way to the voting booth: The number of abortions INCREASES the more legal restrictions there are.⁶

I’ve never actually stopped believing that human life begins at conception (however fragile, alien, and fleeting—especially if it fails to attach to the uterine wall, as happens to an estimated 30-70% of fertilized eggs). Ultimately, though, that’s just my opinion, founded in philosophical thought experiment and ~vibes~ and nothing else—not even the Bible.

But even if it were an objectively true and proven fact…

I would still be less interested in jailing the people who disagreed with me, and more interested in creating the world I want to see: a fair and free society, where sexual assault is rare, sexual education is clear and honest, unwanted pregnancies are few, healthcare is robust and continually improving, and children are desired and supported—before and after they’re born. And yes, in this world, abortions are as rare as they are free of fear and shame.

We may not be able to create this whole reality right now, but what we can do is decrease the number of abortions, in ways that are consistently shown to be reliable.

I’m pro-choice now. And I never had to give up on caring about babies.

I’m not asking anyone to let go of being pro-life. But I am asking you to join me in allying with the people whose policies support life in all its stages. Which is proven to inherently lower the number of abortions.

One party’s leaders push against contraception. Against the sex education that leads to more teens waiting longer before losing their virginity.⁷

Against creating infrastructure that supports people through pregnancy and beyond, against supporting people in feeding and educating their children.⁸

The other party wants to support people in making informed and independent choices about their bodies—which statistically leads to more confidence in saying “No,” or “I’m waiting,” or “Not without protection,” to sex.⁹

They want to support peoples’ health and well-being.¹⁰

They want to create a future in which children are a real option, an option compatible with getting an education, with keeping your income, with food and housing.¹¹

They want to rebuild a financial landscape in which a single income could take care of a whole family.¹²

I used to feel jarred and confused by having to choose between bundled-together policies that saved the lives of the unborn but left everyone else to struggle in a lack of support callously dubbed “freedom”, and policies that promoted abortion access as an important freedom, but aligned with my values of protecting and uplifting life in every other way.

Now that I know easy access to safe and legal abortion lowers rates of abortion, especially when paired with education, healthcare, and financial stability, my choice is more obvious than ever. My choice, as it always has been, is life.

*Sources linked in reblogs + replies.

[oldhalloweentape]

🪨Venture/Sombra (OW II & I) x (gn) reader 💜

(Theater Obsessed Reader Edition!)

(These pictures are not mine!)

(Request here! @brainrotqueen Hey everyone! This is my first duo character post, I am so happy and excited to give you guys this!!)

Venture

- When it comes to things you like they adore the passion you have, reminds them of how they are with history and archeology.

- Before knowing and eventually dating you, they liked musicals & plays to a degree, especially ones based on historical events (Ex. Caesar, Hamilton, Macbeth, etc).

- With that in mind, I can see them quoting some lines to themselves while doing the laundry, like, “I was chosen for the constitutional convention!” In the same tone.

- Likes knowing what you're talking about, so they almost immediately try to learn more about your favorites till it spirals to them learning about as many as they can.

- Gets addicted to the songs, which leads to them compiling a rather large playlist with your help, ones from the historical musicals being their all time favorites (I also like to think they’d be a Percy Jackson enjoyer if they weren’t already).

- In general they understand and feed into the love you have for it all, they think it adds to your charm they fell for.

- Whenever they are away for long, and it’s an option, they take you out to a musical/play you adore, taking photos of you two before and after in both old and new merch you two have collected for each other over time.

- Really gets into it by the time you guys have been dating for a year or so, and it’s only natural they celebrate in some way connected to your shared love of theater.

- Usually consisting of you guys going out, having a song filled blast and winding down, watching movies late into the night before you two pass out.

- 10/10, an enabler of your love/obsession for this.

Sombra

- Yet another enabler, but more… Illegal, as one might expect from Sombra.

- Can and will get you recordings of showings of your favorite plays from specific time periods, all you need to do is ask.

- Teases you playfully about it, calling you her “theater geek” after she gifts you a limited editions vinyl of a musical soundtrack she may or may not have gotten via blackmail.

- May not go to many shows with you like Venture, considering the whole illegal Talon member thing, but whenever an option appears, she uses it.

- Tqkes you out or makes you pizza with the various pizza recipes she has, I think you two would make it a tradition.

- Spoils you much like Venture does, but her gifts are more… Expensive considering money isn’t much of a problem for her, some poor (not really) rich guy gets his bank drained by her just so she can gift you anything your little sacred, greasy heart desires.

- Has eyes and ears everywhere, so if there’s some favorite play/musical coming around near where you guys live (which, probably changes considering her occupation), you’re the first one to know AND get the best seats the show has to offer.

- I think she’d be less impartial than Venture when it comes to music/songs, but that doesn’t stop her from having her favorites that she listens to while she hacks into some fancy restaurant reservation list so you two can wine and dine.

- Thinks your excitement and passion about this is insanely adorable, and willingly listens to you gush about it.

- 10/10 amazing girlfriend who wants to make you happy.

(Sorry for this taking so long!!! I just started school again so I’ve been dealing with that, but don’t worry, I still have a few more projects in the works that I hope will be finished sooner rather than later, love you all!!)

[theyanderespecialist]

Base Yandere Gyutaro Headcanons: Jealousy and No Regrets (Demon Slayer)

[Hello, My Sexy Muffins! We got a bonus update today, and it is with Gyutaro! The man who takes diet looks to the extreme! This man has the body of the twinkest twink that ever damn twinked! We love him! So let's do this!]

(Disclaimer: Gyutaro is not yandere in canon! This is just for fun and not to be taken seriously at all! His demon form is an adult and is over 100 years old, so HE IS AN ADULT IN THIS! Simping for fictional characters and yanderes is fine, as long as you are NOT illegal or gross about it! You know who you are! You Nasty Flaky biscuits! Yanderes are not ideal partners to have in real life! Also, remember to separate fiction from reality and headcanon from canon! Thank you!)

-Base Yandere Headcanons With Gyutaro AKA One of The Upper Rank 6 Moon From Demon Slayer-

.Gyutaro had a hard childhood, he was treated horribly and not even allowed to eat most of the time.

.He would end up eating wild things like live frogs and rats.

.He also most likely had symptoms of Syphilis that were passed down from his mother, the disease being most likely the disease in the show that was called Ume.

.There was one good thing in his life while human and that was his sister, she was perfect and it showed how much Gyutaro could care about a person.

.His sister was the one thing he cared about and always told her to go after what she wanted.

.When she was burned alive, Gyutaro was so angry, he killed the man who did it.

.He then shortly after became a demon and a man, he was no longer the kid that was easy to take advantage of and kill.

.No he was a powerful demon and he would continue to get stronger and stronger, but he always felt that something was missing, and he learned what that something was when he laid eyes on you.

.Gyutaro had found the something, not the someone he was missing.

.He never thought anyone would find him desirable romantically or sexually.

.He had paid for whores in the past to sleep with him, but they did it with disgust on their faces.

.He believed he was meant to be alone, and that he was fine with.

.Until he saw you, you were what he was missing all this time, you were the person he wanted most in the world.

.Gyutaro was instantly enraptured by you and he would stalk you at night, making sure you made it home safe and sound.

.If any guy or girl for that matter looked or talked to you too long on your way home he would kill them and leave their hearts for you in front of your door.

.He just knew you had to love his gifts, he was giving you the hearts of the ones that were unworthy of you. To show his love.

.Gyutaro is a very jealous yandere, and would be jealous of anyone who even got to glance at you, how could they have the right to look at your pretty face when he has to slink in the shadows to do so?

.He is also a very petty yandere in which anything a rival did he would be so petty about, oh they bumped into you? how dare their shoulder got to grace yours!

.So he would be killing anyone and everyone cause man this man is the most jealous and petty yandere I have ever seen.

.He is also jealous of you, you get to be out without him, you get to see the sky during the day, and you get to spend your time away from him! How dare you have the freedom of being a human!

.He would put a stop to it, by turning you into a demon. That way you can never die of human diseases, you cannot die of old age, and you will never be out in the day, where he cannot keep an eye on you.

.He is also very cruel and sadistic and takes great pleasure in killing his rivals for you, mocking them and saying how pathetic they are for thinking they could have you.

.That you belong to him and you and him were destined to be together.

.He takes great pleasure in ripping out their hearts to offer to you, to show how much he loves and adores you.

.He also kills people for their clothes, and well anything really. He does not have money but he will kill people for gifts for you.

.To show he cares for you and wants you to be treated like the special little person you are.

.He wants to give you the best and to have you showered in the most beautiful of jewels and the finest of silks!

.He would spoil you because you deserve it and he adores you, you are his treasure after all and he wants to make it known to you how much you mean to him.

.He knows you could do better than him, that he is not handsome in the least, but... if you ever dared try and be with someone else he would kill them, kill your family, and then tell you that it was because he loved you and could not bare losing you.

.But he does have a genuine love and care for you, and when he sees you hurt it brings intense fear and worry into him.

.He would rather die than see you hurt, and he would never force himself on you, no matter how much you turn him on. He would never force his love on you in that way.

.He would wish that he was born human in a time with you, that way he could have had a life, and family with you.

.Of course that is not possible so he lets his selfish nature take control and to have you as his.

.He will do his best every day to show you how much he loves you and that he will die for you, to keep you safe.

.Not to mention he will slaughter millions of people to keep you safe as well.

.He would confess his love to the day he showed himself to you.

.If you accepted his love he would be genuinely in shock and he might even cry that you actually love him.

.He would have never felt so lucky.

.If you turned him down, well he was expecting that, so he would grab you and fill you with Muzan's blood.

.Turning you into a demon, because he is never letting you go, you were his.

.He believes that since he had such a hard life, he is owed you, that you were made for him and him alone.

.The Gods had dealt him such a terrible life that he has the right to have you as his and it does not matter if you accept his feelings or not!

.You will learn to be a good little darling, he will make sure of it.

.When you come to as demon you have no memories of your life, but there he is, there for you and always supportive of you.

.You cling to him as he is all you know and he is the only one you need.

.Just as how it should be, he will never regret becoming a demon and he will never regret turning you into one as well.

.You and him will be together now... forever.

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter is done, I am really happy with this one, I hope you all enjoyed this, and stay sexy, all of my sexy muffins!] 

[steamworkscogstone]

[Edit: Jan. 5th 2025]

[Links are fixed now]

HEART THIS BEFORE YOU FOLLOW ME, PLEASE! It helps me to know who has and has not read this so I may direct their attention to it.

DNI: 18+ ONLY BLOG, No terfs and swerfs, no transmed truscum, no ageless blogs, Nothing Illegal, NO MINORS, Nobody who openly and actively hates, especially on the transgender community (which includes my non-binary siblings) DO NOT SELL ME SHIT, AND DO NOT SEND ME STUFF TO SIGNAL BOOST! I CANNOT HANDLE THAT STUFF MENTALLY, ANYMORE..

PLEASE READ MY PINS ON THIS POST, YA ADORABLE DEGENERATES. 😁

HEART THIS BEFORE FOLLOWING SO I KNOW WHO'S SAFE!! 😊 😊 😊

Ayyo, check these links before following and interacting, too!!:

So first up, I've put my goofy ass on the hellsite, and did a fun little selfie dump! (Maybe some tummy Tuesdays in the near future?)

Secound is an important thread of consciousness, please read with discretion and understand that I do not tag triggers [because I struggle with tagging as is. Anyway, so this is the bit ya wanna read before interacting with me] (THIS IS EXTREMELY OLD AND AN OUTDATED VIEW ON LIFE, FOR MYSELF. This is purely for archival purposes, and to note a page in my journal, essentially.)

Alright, so I have yet another link that is dealing with an answer to an anon, but it is extremely important as it gives better context to the post/s linked above: more Steamworks lore, yay..

(I apologize about the long winded text, but that's just how I do things. I'm a writer, at least in a texting format. 😅)

Warnings: I am a pro-shipper and anti-censorship, I love using the word queer and I identify as such, while also enjoying identifying the people I text with as such. I enjoy what I enjoy and I have heavy kinks. If any of these warnings are in your DNI or makes you uncomfortable, then please block me and do not report me.

I AM A HARRY POTTER MOVIE ENJOYER! I UNDERSTAND JK ROWLING IS A DEVILOUS PIECE OF SHIT AND EVEN THAT IS TOO KIND OF AN INSULT FOR HER! I WATCH THE MOVIES THRU 3RD PARTY MEANS, AND I REFUSE TO PAY FOR ANYTHING HARRY POTTER THAT IS NEW WHILE SHE IS ALIVE, AND WILL FIND ALTERNATIVE WAYS TO PLAY THE NEW GAMES BECAUSE THEY GENUINELY LOOK FUN. Please, please ask yourself why you decide to attack those, ESPECIALLY IN YOUR OWN COMMUNITY, over something they grew up with and actively love as an adult? We are all just trying to get through this life, and all have our own things that help us escape; we are already so divided and splintered, and so you actively hating your trans brothers and sisters, and nonbinary siblings (who barely make up 1 million on the United States' population already) is simply hurting too many people.

Peace, love, acceptance, and alternative means of coming to a peaceful resolution is what I desire in this world. A world that is already so painfully divided, whether that be by a screen or you actively choosing to hate, is just such a burden on those who will be trying so hard to make a name for themselves. Yes, I just pulled a "think of the children" because, seriously stating that seems so obvious and yet, too many people are dismissive of it when they are literally the future.

Do NOT come after me for my existence, and if you see I am following you and decide against the things I enjoy and my personal beliefs and message, then just block me. PLEASE DON'T REPORT ME.. 😖

Eh, fuck it: I'm making my hearted posts public again, and if you don't like it then leave and I know we're not chill with each other. Love ya still, even for those who do leave, or are too afraid to follow because of them having mutuals they really click with, but would absolutely shun them for enjoying what I absolutely adore! I SEE YOU!

[RAMBLING INCOMING]

Okay, so this is going to be my pinned post, and it's going to be a heavy work in Progress. I've gotten some feedback from a couple people, and well, I'm not okay with how stiff and forced my original pin came out. I know I can write something better and will when I have the time.

Name: Prefer Coggy or Golem while first interacting; more personal names given the closer we become.

Age: Currently 23 at the time of this edit. (2024)

Gender: Femboy/Tomgirl transfem mess of an existing baby femby. The body has been thru a physical transition, although difficult and uneasy, since 2018. We actually just recently marked the 6th year of being on whoremones. Most of us do lean more towards femininity than masculinity however, the hosts gender is ever evolving as the months go on. We have been on this wild and zany rollercoaster of The Gender Journey™ since 2016 when the host started socially transitioning at 15, and even today there is still heavy developments.

We obviously have a list of limits on our kinks and fetishes, however we do not feel comfortable sharing things just yet, as there are a lot of people we enjoy following, but seem to wish to shun those with certain fetishes by blocking them.

DESIRES ARE INHERENTLY NEUTRAL, AS MOST OF THEM ARE THING WE ARE BORN WITH THAT CANNOT BE TRANSFORMED OR REMOVED FROM ONES IDENTITY (such as gender and sexual identity). AS WE FORM LATER ON, KINKS AND FETISHES BECOME NEW DESIRES, AND THUS SUCH THINGS ARE INHERENTLY NEUTRAL AS WELL.

Need to update the tags. (It's a safe call to go off of what I've tagged one of my more recent personal posts or reblogs with text.)

Yeah, more to add later!

(List of things to add: Mutuals list, tags, stuff)

[letters-from-dekarios]

(Jasper is a snarky drow wild-magic sorcerer/multiclassed rogue. He was pretty careless about his magic until meeting Gale, and his solutions to things still mostly ends up being ‘is it worth lockpicking, or should we just explode it and run?’ He’s closed-off and snippy with people he doesn’t know, but longs for connection at heart. It just… takes a while to get there. He’s quite awkward when he’s actually being open with people. When the two of them are alone, it’s one of the few times Jasper actually is fully himself.

Jasper is illiterate; never learned to read, but ‘begrudgingly’ lets Gale teach him slowly after the events of the game. Still not great, but getting there. While they do live together, Jasper still takes trips to the Underdark every now and again. This letter was written during one of his times there.)

Gale, hello.

(The handwriting drastically changes. While the above line is practically intended into the paper, the rest is written in neat cursive.)

The rest of this letter is being transcribed by Astarion because I don’t feel like sending you something that could be mistaken for a toddler’s journal. Then again, that’s what your handwriting can look like sometimes if you’re tired enough, so maybe you’d find it readable anyway.

What do people even write in letters, anyway? Hello, dearest Gale of Waterdeep, how farest thou in my absence? Psh, he’d laugh at that. He’s cute when he- wait, don’t write that down- hey, give me the-

(There’s some illegible scribbling after that.)

Anyway, Gale. How are your bookshelves? They’re probably dusty. You should dust them.

Did you eat food today? It’s dinnertime. It won’t be when you get this, though, I guess. Hm.

Ok, seriously, what am I supposed to say? Astarion note: He rambled for about five minutes about the uselessness of letters and small talk, darling, I’m not writing all of this down. He misses you, you’re both pathetically in love, it’s absolutely sickening, get a room.

Oh, right. Some of the mushroom people myconids gave me some stuff to bring back to you. I didn’t really stay long enough to figure out exactly what it all is since the whole mind speaking thing makes me nauseous, but there’s some amulet and a couple scrolls.

I also have not blown anything up yet. On purpose. Two explosive surges happened. Whether that’s good or bad is up for debate. There aren’t any of the explodey mushrooms around where I’m staying.

Pet Tara for me.

And if you look like you’ve pulled even one all-nighter when I get back, I’m dragging you to bed. Put your books down and go to sleep, wizard.

~ Jasper

(The name is signed in the same poor handwriting as the greeting)

P.S. Hello. Astarion again, absolute pleasure. Next time, send a scribe with him if you want to be penpals, or I’m going to start charging.

Sweet Jasper,

And Astarion, by default.

No matter the transcriber, you know I adore hearing from you. I’d spend countless nights decoding your handwriting if it meant our communication stayed strong during your nights away. And, for the record, I’m glad you think I’m cute when I laugh. You’re rather adorable when you laugh, too.

I have cleaned the tower in your absence, but it’s quickly returned to dust-filled madness since beginning a new project of mine. No matter, though, it’ll be spotless by the time you return. You’ll be happy to know I’m eating just fine, and Tara can vouch for me on such. She’d have a field day if I didn’t stop and have a meal now and then, no matter how deep I was into a tome.

Thank the Myconids for me. Their scrolls have proved to be rather helpful lately. It’s always a joy to receive new items from them. And, I am glad to hear you’ve not yet blown anything, or anyone for that matter, up! I would hate to have another incident occur and use all of our resurrection spells again. Those are pricey and hard to come by nowadays. Stay strong, darling, I know how much you desire to set fire to things.

I cannot guarantee the state of myself when you return. I’m awfully invested in my current tomes and you know how much I hate losing my place. But I will try, dear.

Enough about me. How are you? I hope your time in the Underdark is serving you well. Have you found anything of interest? I’ll be more than delighted to hear all about your adventure when you return home. The nights grow cold without you by my side, love. But I know how much your journey means to you.

I hope you’re eating well, also. Sleeping just as much, too. Send word when you aim to return home, I’ll have everything ready for you.

Be safe, my love. I hope to hear from you again, soon.

With all my love,

𝑮𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒌𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒔

Astarion, I thank you for your hard work with Jasper. You know the depths of my coin pouch. Name your price, though not too substantial- I’m not made of money, after all. But, I’d much rather you than a stranger scribe for him.

text reads: gale dekarios

[interlagosainz]

so . i suppose i am back ( still not particularly well, but i guess possibly losing your mind in reality fuels the creative process maybe ?? ) with something also in a futuristic au but like … i guess blade runner & inception aesthetics tossed together with an anastasia backstory & rich kids & businesspeople politicking ft. illegal things & like . way too many ‘ accidental fires ’ ? idk . i did say i was losing my mind & the pov doesn’t even give the full context . ( it’s max & carlos & charles, but the vibes are kind of angsty & rancid & don’t even @ me about relationship dynamics, whoops ? )

in hindsight, the disaster started when finally, there came a night when max verstappen got drunk in heaven. only, he’s not really in heaven — it’s just the joking nickname for the club on the 100th floor of this skyscraper, where all the floors below fulfill any desire you could have. some of what’s here is mundane, grocery stores with the freshest fruits & clothing boutiques to make you the most fashionable person around — others are the epitome of decadence & decay, of why pr teams are so badly needed. ( he’s smart enough to let other people find a fix for him, if he needs it that badly, at least. )

the mistake was letting lando drag him anywhere. the point of no return was letting him drag max here. ( he should’ve heeded the pr team’s advice, but he’d never been a fan of authority. )

the neon lights, sea of noises & lights, alcohol drenching his pressed shirt an hour in, alex tumbling into the pool with a giant splash before being yanked out by a disgruntled george, so many perfumes nauseatingly mixing together, lando somehow wresting control of the dj booth & cranking the sound up until he could hardly hear, until with the pulsing red lights & thundering beat, it seemed as though he was trapped right in the middle of a heart. ( he gets it, dimly, why people would give anything for a night here. it makes everything a haze, forgetting painfully easy. )

he is due to inherit the redbull conglomerate, who are involved in just about anything & everything, joked to have hearts that stain as black as the window tints on their tower that looms over the city almost menacingly — corporations who loom large in the public conscious & places you’d kill to get into. he takes a speeder to work & avoids traffic by simply flying above it all at dizzying speeds & swerving sharply around the neon lights & skyscrapers that comprise this city. he is max verstappen, he does not stray or doubt & yet —

perched on a barstool, dark coat draped around his shoulders & wide, unfocused eyes staring distractedly into the distance, rouge lips pressed against the rim of an overly colourful glass, something unreal made human — max has seen a ghost.

the sainz family is a taboo topic around these parts. once the founders of the most respected pharmaceutical & biomedical research company around, almost a decade ago, their tower burned down in a chemical accident & killed almost everyone inside, every member of the family included. alongside them, decades of research & innovation went up in flames & in the aftermath, the surviving employees all jumped ship. max remembers that day — the sky had turned artifically red, bleeding scarlet alongside the setting sun as the fire raged well into the night. he’d stood on his balcony, of the building he’d only moved back into weeks ago & watched the whole night & into the next morning, hands clenched into fists while jos watched on, something cruel & satisfied curling on his lip. he remembers reading the coroners’ report. he does not remember crying, but the sting hadn’t receded from his eyes for days afterwards. ( jos pushes him into the business, into colder things — he doesn’t fight it, this time around. )

the red bull conglomerate snatched up most of the surviving employees, because the sainz family had long been partners with them anyways. the rumours of what exactly was hidden in that tower though — the whispers of ducking government investigations, illict & lethal medication funneled down into the streets & most notoriously, pills that supposedly made you forget? those never went away. ( it’s nonsense. myths, stories spun by people who have nothing to lose by telling an impossible tale. or so they say. )

he isn’t so certain. but maybe it’s coloured by a childhood friendship with carlos, both of them growing up on the same enclave outside the city that redbull associated affluent families favoured, where the clocks went slower & everything seemed frozen in time, a little. the verstappens had a home there & so did the sainz family — & it was there that he met carlos, their only son, back when he was fifteen or sixteen & had wandered off his family’s property & into the lush orchards & meadows of the neighbouring one. ( he couldn’t be blamed — in the rare few trips he’d taken into the city, greenery was nonexistent & jos was no fan of gardening either. )

the first time, carlos had almost kicked a ball into his face in distraction & shouted there was an intruder. the second time, max gathered up the courage to march up the impressively long driveway & knock on the front door instead. the third time, the fourth — he forgot, after that. they started taking their lessons together while squabbling about formulas & diagrams, falling down onto the grass & blinking sun out of their eyes, carlos peeling oranges on the counter while singing so badly out of tune, the suspicious stares of their fathers from afar ( jos had never liked carlos or softer things in life ) while they laughed so much his chest hurt afterwards. smart & kind & warm — being around carlos was almost too easy, soothing the ragged edges of hurt & disapproval he didn’t even realise was there most times. ( he doesn’t realise until years later that carlos had grown up with almost no one except his family around, so isolated that not a single photo of him existed & no one else he knew had any recollection of him. it had been paranoia & in the end, it had perhaps been justified. )

max wasn’t in love, no, the same way he’d never grieved. ( liar, liar, liar. ) & it’s only afterwards, when he wakes up at lando’s with the taste of champagne in his mouth, that he asks. & lando, suspicious but flippant, laughs that finally max has succumbed to being lonely, that he’s come to steal another of lando’s friends, that he can’t believe max fell for an escort, for chili. ( he’s an escort for one of the most well-known agencies,lando laughs, so he’s nice to people like me for money & they like him a lot. that had sent him reeling. so he’s your friend? what’s his name? max had asked, praying lando hadn’t noticed how badly his voice is about to wobble. i’ve never hired him, we just met at the club two years ago,lando replies, he’s carlos. i don’t know his last name, i’ve never asked & he’s never said. the holographic photo display he projects at max is startling clear, bambi eyes & plush lips, eternally finding things a touch funny & — max almost throws up on lando’s sofa. )

carlos sainz, a name that curls around your tongue with the faintest hint of an ache. but that’s not the name he finds when he secretly goes digging, pulls some strings from people he knows cannot refuse him ( are nowhere close to repaying the debts they owe, because redbull are ruthless & resort to methods as dirty as everyone else ) & retrieves what he needs to know about the renault agency, about chili.

he’s still carlos. but this time, carlos merhi. that’s what the records say, shimmer of dark letters on an electronic screen. only member of the merhi family left alive after their street failed to survive a residential fire that had devoured much of it. ( a street that is being razed & integrated into a new redbull funded development. ) now, the most wanted escort in the city — the most beautiful thing to live nine levels below heaven.

a carlos who now doesn’t talk about his past, doesn’t remember him at all, smiles & laughs & easily leans into his hugs, makes feeling good way too easy. max has heard of it, trauma affecting memories. but to seemingly never say a word or make any hint of recognition ? either carlos is a devastatingly good actor, or something truly awful has happened. ( in a sick way, he’s almost glad carlos doesn’t remember, because then he wouldn’t be able to stand the guilt. )

max doesn’t want to think about it, the rumours about just what the sainz family knew. he doesn’t want to think about how he knows redbull was responsible for that fire because carlos sr had pushed back on every attempt to access the more cutting edge, radical research & they’d lost their patience in the end, & yet he’d still staked his life in their name, even if for years he’d thought his childhood friend was dead. he’s not a particularly good person by any means, they run this conglomerate like how you’d run the mob, taking out anyone & everyone interrupting their ambitions. but still.

he goes back, every week. transfers carlos exorbitant amounts of money, a paltry attempt at what he’s not even sure is a sorry. doesn’t ask for much of anything, sometimes plays games on the screen, sometimes just sits & stares at the skyline as he leans against carlos & tries to convince himself he’s not chasing the closeness they’d had all those years ago. lets carlos make conversation, take his mind away from the day, lets the past & its memories creep up a touch too close. afraid, almost, that it’s all just another trick of the light or sleepless night. rubs idly at his ring finger, hopes that no one realises there’s a few days too many where he doesn’t sleep at ‘ home ’ anymore. ( prays that carlos won’t remember, prays that he does & won’t turn his back instead. )

because there’s a reason this could be ruinous. he hadn’t understood why, didn’t know for what reason gp & hannah & adrian hadn’t called it all off screaming — keep your friends close, enemies closer, maybe. ( charles leclerc’s hand in marriage is not one he wants, but it’s the one he might have to take. ferrari & redbull, staring down mercedes & mclaren. it’d almost be cute if it weren’t his life being dragged from him, kicking & screaming. ferrari are older & more established, though losing that polish — he knows as long as they can expand their business, they don’t care for anyone who gets in the way. )

max knows charles too. intimately, since they were children, in the way you know a bruise, a scar, something ripe & bleeding & a mirror all the same. ferrari & redbull are at odds more often than not, one with a certain arrogance, the other a wounded pride — both with hubris yet afraid of being backed into corners by rivals unafraid to make public embarassments of them all. ( these conglomerates sell medicines & watch models stride across the stage by day, dabble in drugs & funnel money into illegal street races at night — everyone knows they are all virtually criminal enterprises cleaned up to look like proper businesses. )

they’ve tried undermining each other so many times, thrown wrench after wrench into each other’s plans & unhesitatingly exchanged barbed words across pristine tabletops. the comparisons are endless in the press & though it’s all nonsense — it still rankles max. ( screw destiny, being pre-destined, as if that had meant anything, or ever could. ) & now people up there are convinced that something could be scaffolded together from the combined force of ferrari & redbull together, tied by the prospect of a farcical relationship between their heirs & probably on the verge of disintegration every other day, because redbull liked to stab others & ferrari was good enough at stabbing itself sometimes.

he hates dealing with press. charles is good enough at it, armed with a charming smile & relaxes into the poses he needs to strike for the cameras. he can’t be bothered to change out of his standard-issue redbull shirt most days. charles probably has an army of people who make him look like a bit of a hapless model.

the nights max has dinners with charles under the guise of ‘ thawing the ice ’, he thinks maybe too much about painting an ugly bloom of bruises, something to stain the distanced perfection charles holds himself in sometimes. ( he eventually gives up on exactly how he wants to do it. ) the barely hidden reverence for ferrari ( a corporation ! max could laugh, if he weren’t so beholden to redbull for giving him something to do with life, the luxury he can now afford his mother & sisters ). it’s uncomfortable & the more time max unwillingly spends putting up this ruse, the more he feels like he’s spinning about, surrounded by funhouse mirrors while furiously trying to get away from it all. ( what sorts of ploys either of them have up their sleeves, he doesn’t know & even then, he is not, cannot be afraid. after all, if the thought of the dead didn’t scare him much anymore, what could ? )

but they are both prone to occasionally holding grudges. striding into uncertain futures, people who’ve been cruel & convinced themselves it was necessity. tied to families that loom above the rest, now to organisations that could care less as long as the numbers looked pretty & they won whatever turf wars were going on, both literal & metaphorical. people who could be softer & better in other situations, other times but — that’s the one luxury neither of them can buy back now. ( its a tidal force of something, a yanking that daniel side eyes & makes lando look at him like he’s gone mad, like they’re both afraid the other will call a bluff first. )

he attends events with charles by day & ignores the engagement rumours while insisting publicly he’s done with pointless fights, falls asleep with his hologram display in carlos’ bed at night. warm eyes, dark hair, a much envied beauty & a heart not his for the taking, not that he wants or could carry the weight of it anymore. charles & carlos — even the same name wound two ways, drenched in patterns of light & shadow dancing across the window. he cannot think about it anymore, not that it’s any safer to feel. ( like his moments aren’t scraped across his eyes, like he seems to be impatient & hot-headed but also can’t let any of it fade from his mind. )

in the divine comedy, dante wrote about hell having nine circles. perhaps max should’ve paid more attention in those literature classes he only ever wanted to escape from — because otherwise, he would’ve realised there was some irony in how the ninth circle was for treachery. ( that he may have been so much worse a judge of intentions, or that some people had somehow outplayed his hand for so much longer. )

( the complaint used to be that you couldn’t remember anything. now it’s that you can’t forget — not that it’s any less devastating. )

( tbh idk what i was going for with this but like . ephermerality of memory . people being kind of awful . lying versus omitting the truth versus keeping someone safe . slow thaws, a long ache . entanglements made fatal . or, as margaret atwood put it — we were ruinous together . but how else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin ? )

- charlos au anon <3

if you are scrolling down your page and see this ask, read it. this is an amazing au. i’m speechless. i wish i could read 200k words of this universe.

WE ARE BACK IN THE GAME IM SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU HERE. alright. let’s go. max, charles AND carlos? oh i’m fucking seated. im down. the sci-fi theme mixed with fantasy is one of my favorite things. you nailed this down we need more fics with crazy words building.

“joked to have hearts that stain as black as the window tints on their tower that looms over the city almost menacingly” damn charlos au anon, writing masterpieces in my ask again????

“he is max verstappen, he does not stray or doubt & yet—“ god how i love a yet— is one of my favorites things. the suspense. sitting at the edge of my seat waiting for more.

charlos anon au, if i had the money, i would sponsor you like the old times where the riches paid good money for artist to just do nothing except live by their art. i would give you money just so you could do nothing but write a long ass fanfiction of this idea because, really, what a masterpiece. i can’t get enough. this is my favorite setting for fics and you are brillaint in the way you describe and built the word and the relationship between the characters. this is Amazing. i read this almost 5 times because of how much i liked it. i gushed about it to my roommate. i said it before, but i need to say it again, i wish i could snuggle around your brain just to watch because it must be marvelous in there. all these ideas forming (you know those memes SHE SENT ME HER LOCATION TF IS THIS is me sending my location: charlos au anon’s brain)

“ blinking sun out of their eyes, carlos peeling oranges on the counter while singing so badly out of tune, the suspicious stares of their fathers from afar ( jos had never liked carlos or softer things in life ) while they laughed so much his chest hurt afterwards. smart & kind & warm — being around carlos was almost too easy, soothing the ragged edges of hurt & disapproval he didn’t even realise was there most times.” i got to say, you nailed down carlos. i love you talk about him in your ideas. always warm and kind, despite everything, after all, he is still kind. always.

yeah. right. max. that does sound like someone who isn’t in love, sure.

(also, versainz? way to get my heart. fucking love these two gremlin paired together).

CARLOS MERHI???? FUCK OFFFFFF. YOUR MINDDDDDD. OH MY GOD??????? “the most beautiful thing to live nine levels below heaven.” oh he is. he so is.

“either carlos is a devastatingly good actor, or something truly awful has happened. (in a sick way, he’s almost glad carlos doesn’t remember, because then he wouldn’t be able to stand the guilt.)” i need a moment to lay down. you do this every time. how do you pull this. you always make me feel too much that i need a break. but i can’t get a break because i want to keep reading. i can’t get enough.

“he doesn’t want to think about how he knows redbull was responsible for that fire” THE TWISTS THE REVELATIONS? oh this is fucking good. this is gold. i need a whole ass 300k of this. you have bewitched me body and soul with this one. you are getting better every time. i didn’t think it was possible was it was already fucking Great the last au, but you are doing it. i don’t know how but you are raising the bar every time.

“charles leclerc’s hand in marriage is not one he wants, but it’s the one he might have to take.” oh we got to charles. oh the plot is thickening.

“max knows charles too. intimately, since they were children, in the way you know a bruise, a scar, something ripe & bleeding & a mirror all the same.” fuck off charlos au anon you can’t just casually write this like it’s nothing. it’s everything. it’s something people would find in classical books and say damn. like dostoyevsky and dastiel fic writers are looking at you with envy right now. “because redbull liked to stab others & ferrari was good enough at stabbing itself sometimes.” do you get what i’m saying????? this is insane!

“screw destiny, being pre-destined, as if that had meant anything, or ever could.” oh i see you. i see the pre-destined thing. i do.

“we were ruinous together . but how else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin” charlos au anon. this was everything. i swear. this was. amazing. i can’t begin to describe how much i enjoyed every second of reading it (once, twice, thrice, and a bunch of times more).

(also i can’t add you or message you on discord for some reason??? so please you can find me as undertheceu if you want to ramble to me in there or just chat!! i would love to as i have much more i would like to say to you but i can’t right now because i’m in class!)

[barbatoskisser]

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