#anyone out there who was/is a teenager and deals with mental illnesses knows how hard that shit is

[zoolitsky-fandom]

MORE HEADCANONS BECAUSE I’M ALL POWERFUL

Please don’t get upset if you disagree with any of these!! This is just how I see the characters ^^ More context about the headcanons under the cut!

Nami

Transfem lesbian!!

Basically married to Vivi (who isn’t pictured but she gives me demigirl bisexual energy with a preference to girls)

CHUBBY BECAUSE I SAY SO!!!!! 🧡🧡🧡

And she’s still beautiful and wonderful and Sanji still simps for her. Chubby people are gorgeous

She’s technically pale but tanned a bit from being outside so much

Aaand bandaid because she’s literally just a normal girl and is susceptible to minor injuries unlike the other weird built different ppl on the crew (aside from Usopp)

sPEAKING OF USOPP!!! She’s absolute besties with him like they talk about everything and anything and gossip and all that jazz. They’re so special to me.

I’m not sure if bipolar fits entirely, but there’s definitely something with her mood swings and the intensity of her emotions. If this is insensitive at all please inform me

Chopper

Agender aroace reindeer fella??? SiGN ME UP

Both male and female reindeers have antlers so I used that to my advantage because gender silly

I think Chopper uses they/he/it, but slightly prefers to be referred to by their name rather than pronouns

Chopper has attachment issues, but I couldn’t find anything other than avoidant attachment disorder (which doesn’t seem entirely fitting). But it definitely gets very attached to others when it trusts them and has a hard time moving on.

Also I just like to draw Chopper more reindeer-like than Chopper’s canon design but aside from that I don’t really make too many design changes? Just… floofy Chopper… 🩷🩷🩷

Usopp

Panromantic asexual!!

Down bad for Sanji (he has terrible taste /j)

I had a revelation after drawing this so Usopp isn’t actually cis lol- they’re a demiboy but in a genderfluid kind of way, some days he feels more masculine and other days they feel more androgynous

I have very mixed feelings about the hair highlights,, I lowkey might not keep them but it was an experiment

FRECKLES!!! USOPP HAS FRECKLES PASS IT ON PASS IT ON!!!! 💛💛💛 Bandaid like Nami because!! They’re literally just a normal teenager!!!

Usopp has anxiety and borderline personality disorder because the feelings of superiority and inferiority? The constant fear? Being immune to Perona’s ghosts from dealing with mental illness their entire life???

Luffy

Asexual grayromantic

If he had a partner it would be gay regardless of his own gender expression (I’m projecting because I feel gay when I’m attracted to anyone)

Genderfluid, some days they prefer different pronouns but most of the time they use all at once (also is this ironic bc Luffy can’t swim but is swimming in fluid pronouns)

King of the pronouns!!! King of the genders!!! Will steal your pronouns and gender!!! Watch out!!!

I gave her vitiligo on a whim to be 100% honest, but I feel like it’s very fitting and also very fun to draw ❤️❤️❤️

I only did a headshot here because I have another post with a bunch of other drawings of this Luffy

I feel like I don’t need to explain but Luffy is very very AuDHD to me

He has so much energy and is easily distracted and gets really focused on things and likes to talk about anything and everything

Sanji

Bisexual-est guy on the planet (loves all boobs /hj)

Down bad for Usopp (they have great taste)

Demiboy but in an interchangeable kinda bigender way, he’s just both enby and male at the same time

Darker roots!! Sanji’s body hair is always notably darker than his blonde hair so I decided on darker roots

CURLY/WAVY FLUFFY HAIR SANJI SUPREMACY 💙💙💙

Depression—WHICH THEY ALL OBVIOUSLY HAVE BUT

Depression in the sense it’s the reason he smokes. It’s a kind of coping mechanism.

It makes them dazed enough that they don’t have to fully feel their own despair

GIVE HIM HEALTH PROBLEMS ODA YOU COWARD. I KNOW HE’S UNREASONABLY BUILT DIFFERENT BUT LIKE

Imagine Sanji wheezing and struggling to breathe after a fight!! Emotional scene with Chopper trying to convince them to stop smoking!!

Robin

Pansexual

Married to Franky 💜💜💜

Intersex demigirl! Like- the whole being called a monster/demon her whole life and trying to find someone who accepts her is such a good (unintentional) metaphor for the gender discovery experience,,

GIVE ROBIN THEIR MELANIN BACK!!! I don’t care if it wasn’t their original colors… neither were the blue eyes but I’m giving both to them because they deserve it!!

I wanted to give Robin more of a curly hair texture but I was concerned it would start to not really resemble her. I might play around with it another time though and see if I can achieve something still recognizable

PTSD

Do I even have to explain that-

They are traumatized and get flashbacks and night terrors

Franky

Bisexual

Married to Robin 🩵🩵🩵

TRANSMASC. I AM THE BIGGEST BELIEVER OF TRANS FRANKY.

He was abandoned by his birth parents, he has a name he doesn’t use anymore, calls everyone bro regardless of gender, HE LITERALLY REBUILT HIS ENTIRE BODY-

Even though Franky’s a cyborg I gave him visible top surgery scars. I think he would show them off with pride and doesn’t necessarily need/want to be seen as a cis man. He’s just a man who once had boobs yk?

The underside of his hair is an even brighter blue because silly!!

ADHD—he hyperfixates like a madman and is also very loud and passionate. Also idk if this is an actual ADHD thing but like he’s super empathetic and cries easily? I’m like that too so idk lol

Zoro

Demihomoromantic asexual

Hopelessly, dare I say pathetically, in love with Luffy. I want to clarify that this doesn’t make Zoro less gay and this doesn’t make Luffy less genderfluid.

Also as much as I adore trans Zoro, I think the fact that he’s a cisgender feminist is important. So I headcanon him as cis.

FLUFFY HAIR ZORO FLUFFY HAIR ZORO FLUFFY HAIR ZORO 💚💚💚

I can’t decide whether or not I like the striped hair,, I’m still on the fence about it lol

Covered in scars because he’s done so much training and fighting, I know they kind of look like something else but they aren’t, don’t worry

Idk why but I always give him a dark green undershirt

Autistic!! He has a narrow range of emotions, makes nonverbal grunts, super into swords, he’s blunt, follows routine, etc.

Aaaand that’s all of them! Phew! Thank you so much for reading 💖

Reblogs, asks, and comments are super appreciated!!

[verdantwyrm]

Jimmy is my comfort character in Mouthwashing.

I was in an abusive relationship which made me fixated on my abuser and isolated me from the rest of the world. I was also gaslit into thinking I was the villain.

Because of that, I can't help but associate myself with Jimmy, instead of his victims. The way he is obsessed with Curly hits too close to home for me. I know how it feels to love and hate someone at the same time. I know the crippling fear of losing this someone, because that would rob you of your identity, your purpose- your only reason to live. I know how tempting it feels to commit suicide instead of trying to rebuild your sense of self or face reality. And seeing Jimmy cry and beg- even if his guilt and confession still reeked with narcissism- made me flashback to those times I felt worthless and undone before the only person I cared about.

Jimmy can mean a lot to people. And I think the fandom would do well to be inquisitive and extend empathy to those who kin Jimmy instead of pretending these people don't exist or attacking them.

(.づ◡﹏◡)づ. Don't worry Anon, I understand.

I'm also in a very similar situation and have been for a long time with my parents. It's hard not to see myself in Jimmy, his obsessions, his anger, spite, desperation and fears. He is an extremely relatable character and it hurts because he is extremely uncomfortably human.

All of the characters are in some way, they remind us of our best and worst moments. I love Jimmy, he is an extremely well written character and I can't help but bleed for him because i've also been like that at my weakest, my worst moments.

You're safe here, and I will not shame you or anyone for finding comfort or relatability in Jimmy. He is a part of alot of people live and kick to ignore and deny but its still a part of us we have to face and deal with in whatever way is possible and right, painfully and uncomfortably reminding us that we too can be like that, sometimes we're simply shaped that way by our environments and the people around us, and thats not our fault, what you experienced as a child or as a teenager, or even as an adult, was never ever your fault, and sometimes seeking solace in characters that show the real ugliness behind mental illnesses and what this sort of thing does actually look like helps us reflect on who we are and who we want to be.

Mental illness is never pretty or flattering, its raw, ugly, incoherent and sometimes disgusting, but its human. It's apart of us. And theres no shame in that.

From one similar experience to another, and whoever else is reading this, I hope your journey is unfiltered, I hope you're able to get out those emotions and let yourself feel and experience it safely. You're not disgusting or horrible for finding relatability and comfort in Jimmy, don't let anyone tell you how to deal with your emotions.

Take care of yourself, Anon. (ɔ ˘⌣˘)˘⌣˘ c)

[jiraisupportgroup]

hi!! is it so wrong to be a young jirai?

i feel so young in this community and idk what to do.. it feels like if people knew my true age theyd shame me or something. i respect the lifestyle and have felt the most comfort here than ever, but im so scared of people finding out my age and just blocking me

There isn’t anything particularly wrong with being young and in spaces like this - a lot of older people just don’t want to interact with minors for their own comfort (& vice versa). I can’t speak for everyone but there’s a lot of reasons for this. Especially in spaces based around mental health (and even more so with Jirai Kei being a space which isn’t inherently recovery based).

A lot of older landmines will talk about or RB things that are sexual in nature & it can feel kind of weird or gross when people who are much younger interact with posts about that stuff. Some people are also afraid because technically you can get in actual trouble if you’re posting nsfw content and knowing that minors follow you / will see it - although functionally there are hardly ever legal repercussions for this. It can still feel icky.

A lot of older landmines also just have trouble relating to younger landmines - our struggles might be similar but there can also be a lot of differences it really depends on the situation. Like a 20 year old and a 15 year old dealing with even the same issues can look extremely different, and sometimes we just can’t relate. Also the language that we use tends to be a bit different. I notice that it’s much more common for younger people to use more heavily romanticized language when talking about certain issues and a lot of older people can’t really relate because a lot of us are at a point where we’re just so defeated and sick of it. I don’t know how to explain this without giving examples but younger people make certain things look fun and new and exciting and like a thing to do while some of us older people have long past that phase and it’s just like a crushing reality for us at this point. It’s not fun anymore. And seeing people have fun with it can be upsetting for a number of reasons. That’s not specific to minors it’s just kind of a trend I’ve noticed. (I don’t know if I explained that well at all)

Another thing (and idk if this is just me) is that seeing teenagers talk about the same issues we have / had as a teenager is genuinely gut wrenching sometimes. It can be really hard to watch young people go down the same paths we went down and just wanting to scream at them to stop and turn back but knowing there is not a single thing we can do to help them - it can feel extremely disheartening sometimes. Especially on Tumblr bc a lot of us grew up on Tumblr and our illnesses were heavily influenced by the mental health spaces we were in on Tumblr & I mean for me at least I can confidently say that it had a negative impact on my mental health as a teenager and now being older it’s like aaaa fuck I don’t want the vents or things I post being shown to teenagers who could be negatively impacted by it just like I was at their age. Real Catcher in the Rye moment.

& some people just don’t really want to interact with minors. The differences between even 18 year olds and 15 year olds are pretty big. I mean I’m 24 and like I don’t really hang out in real life with people under 19 just kind of naturally - like not in “oh you’re only 18 we can’t hang out” kind of way but we just genuinely tend not to vibe. But again that’s just my personal experience so it’s super different for everyone.

There’s also a lot of minors who don’t want anyone who’s over 18 interacting with them for similar reasons. Often times it’s protection, but a lot of minors find adults annoying or not super relatable, which is just as valid.

Tldr: everyone has different comfort levels. It’s not that you’re doing anything wrong or that people just automatically hate you bc of your age, it’s more so like the difference between teenagers & 20 year olds can be pretty big so sometimes they don’t want to interact with each other.

[sophieinwonderland]

r/FakeDisorderCringe doesn't know what biblical canon is, atheists are offended by saying God is plural, and other people casually throwing out some blasphemies and ableism!

👎

For uncreative title.

Atheists Pretending To Be Deeply Offended...

So, let me guess, you're not actually Christian are you?

Those guys sure aren't.

So weird how people pretend to be offended over a religion they aren't even a part of.

(Let's be real though, that's most of the tulpa discourse.)

Oh... you considered converting.

That clearly gives you a say in this conversation. /s

Meanwhile, my host actually lived the religion. He was Christian through his teenage years, and as a child helped his mom teach Sunday School and went to sleep every night on a Noah's Ark pillow.

Sorry, I distracted from your point. We're thieves stealing from a religion. 🙄

Okay, let's talk "canon!"

I just... I LOVE this whole conversation! 🤣

THIS is actual cringe.

Does anyone see the issue here?

I'll let u/AdSuccessful3533 spell it out. Possibly the only person with sense in the thread.

It's not just Catholic Canon either, but Biblical Canon! Like, there's a whole Wikipedia article on it!

The sheer self-righteous ignorance of r/Fakerdisordercringe (and r/systemscringe) never ceases to amaze me.

All of these people so bent out of shape over the use of "canon" to describe biblical text as if that's not been in use for hundreds of years!

"Something a middle schooler would say."

The Heresies!

That's correct. This is NOT the modalism heresy.

Modalism suggests God is a single unified being who reveals himself in different forms. God being plural would mean that God is three beings in one. This is completely in-line with the views of Trinitarianism.

An example of the modalism heresy would be more like this...

Comparing God to Optimus Prime, arguing that they're just different forms like Optimus Prime in a truck form vs him in a robot form, is modalism.

But if modalism isn't enough, we've got some tritheism too!

Besides the tritheism... it's really hard to take people who are calling tulpas appropriative seriously when they don't even know basic facts about the most popular religion in the world.

Also, the part about System not being a term for a person with DID is technically correct. System is, rather, the term used for the total collection of all the alters. But it is very much a term used by psychologists and it's accurate to refer to the Trinity as a system in this way.

Also, if the Tritheism bothers you, don't worry! We're going to go right back to modalism.

The H2O metaphor is controversial for the same reason as comparing God to Optimus Prime. It suggests God is simply changing form to become these different things.

Miscellaneous

Can you show me that rabbit hole?

I'm the one who Tweeted that, and have NEVER been on the OSDD sub.

Who do you think I am?

No... it definitely doesn't sound right. Religion shouldn't just be a thing for neurotypicals.

If one believes in God, then surely God made all people, including those of us who have mental illnesses. Why should Christianity and biblical references be kept away from people with mental illness other than ableism?

I mean, if by in peace, you mean without endogenic systems, then no. You can't.

We're here and we aren't going away. Ever.

And we exist in all spaces, including in your churches and your religious communities. And Christian systems shouldn't be expected to hide who they are because our existence bothers bigots like you.

We're going to share this world, and we're going to share spaces. And that includes churches and religious spaces too. Deal with it. 🤷‍♀️

Acknowledgements:

I would like to thank everyone at r/fakedisordercringe for giving me the free material. For a subreddit that's designed to laugh at people for supposed "cringe," you all sure are a goldmine for it! 😜

[flightfoot]

Miraculous Fanfic Recs for ongoing Miraculous fics

So I got an ask requesting me to give some ML fic recs, so I decided to focus on some ongoing Miraculous fics! All of these have updated within the past two months. Feel free to tag anyone who I didn't know the tumblr username of!

Boulangerella by @aidanchaser

Once upon a time, magic was wild. The two princes of the kingdom have been tasked with choosing their brides by the end of their 21st birthday celebrations. Crown Prince Adrien Agreste will have to choose between a woman who can protect his kingdom, a woman offering the power to wake his sleeping mother, and the woman he has loved and admired for the past year. Then there's also the seamstress that he is suddenly falling for. By the time he realizes he doesn't have the power to choose at all, it may be too late.

Kind of a Medieval Fantasy AU here, though with more resemblance to regular Miraculous than I normally expect with such AUs. Kwamis are actually fae, but aside from needing some sort of "deal" in order for humans to draw out their power, they function mostly the same, with Ladybug and Chat Noir being activated in order to help fight against Hawk Moth, even.

Oh yeah, this fic was written pre-S4, so there's some oddities because of that, like Felix actually having a good father, for instance. Adrien and Felix are both still sentimonsters though.

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Lows And Highs (Of Adrien Agreste) by @blackcatsbutterflies

Adrien Agreste- Teenage supermodel, son of Gabriel Agreste, hero of Paris... Type One Diabetic. When Adrien is diagnosed with a chronic illness, he goes through the mental struggles of dealing with this new life. Nothing will ever be the same again, and if anyone were to find out, he'd be humiliated. The world would find him repulsing. Who would want to love someone who was constantly giving themselves shots? Marinette would. (Based off my real life, when I was diagnosed at 13 years old.) TW: Mentions of drugs (no one does them) and the following stuff that will appear in chapters: - Needles - Blood - Paralysis - Seizures - Fainting

Oh man this one is a real treat! I know some basic stuff about diabetes, but not so much what people's day-to-day lives are like, so it was interesting watching Adrien go through this, what he has to do nowadays in order to, well, live. And since he only just got diagnosed, he's going through major lifestyle changes which is pretty overwhelming, and he's feeling pretty awful about it because well, this is gonna hit hard. Though thankfully, Marinette is able to help quite a bit.

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Bell the Cat by @heartfulselkie

Ladybug is the Miraculous Hero of Gallia. She has spent the past number of years fighting the minions of the tyrant Hawk Moth, only for the war to come to an abrupt end. News reveals that Hawk Moth was brutally slain by his own champion and captain of his own elite guard - the infamous knight Chat Blanc, known to wield pure destructon itself. With the disintegration of Hawk Moth's army, Chat Blanc is captured and imprisoned until his certain execution. Being a beloved hero and instrumental in the realm's defences during the war, Ladybug is offered a reward of her choosing. Instead of choosing a title or luxuries as expected she chooses...custody of Chat Blanc??? A new threat is rising in the chasm Hawk Moth left behind, and Ladybug believes Chat Blanc's knowledge and skill will be vital in what's to come. And perhaps he could also answer some questions that have plagued her since even before the war with Hawk Moth began..

This fic is awesome so far, I adore a good enemies AU and Fantasy AU, so both of them together is great! There's a lot we don't know yet, like the specifics of how akumas work in this AU, but I'm eager to know more. Just as Ladybug's eager to try to find out what happened to an old childhood friend of hers who vanished around the time Hawk Moth rose to power...

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Madness series by @consistent-chaos-corporation

Summary for "Found", the first multichapter installment in the series:

Chat Noir and Ladybug need to tie up some loose ends. Unfortunately, one of those ends is Felix.

I've really been enjoying my time with this series, and if you like Felix-focused fics, you might too! In this universe, Nooroo and Duusu actually used to play with Felix and Adrien when they were little, but Gabriel made Adrien forget that happened - Gabriel and Emilie edited out a lot of little inconvenient things from Adrien's memory, as it turns out.

Anyway, we mostly follow Felix post-Strike Back as he figures out what to do now that he has the Peacock Miraculous. The heroes bursting in and confronting him about it kinda forces his hand.

He goes through a lot of character development here, which I adore, especially when it comes to realizing "oh crap, I sold out living beings to someone who I knew would mistreat them." This series tackled that subject better than any other fanfic I've seen, with Felix directly helping to recover the Miraculous and free the kwami, feelings guilty upon realizing how badly Gabriel had hurt them, and having to deal with a lot of the kwami not liking or trusting him for very justifiable reasons - though they ARE willing to understand why he did what he did.

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Kintsugi - The Beauty in Broken Things by @xaran-alamas

When freed from Mayura's control, and given a chance at a normal life, the Sentimonster clone of Ladybug must learn what it is to be not only a hero, but also a human being, and part of a family. Meanwhile Marinette needs to figure out what to do with a hyper-energetic Kwami with a broken Miraculous. Updates Sundays and Wednesdays

I've always loved Sentibug Lives AUs (as you might guess from my having written two fics where she gets to stick around), and this is one of the best ones I've seen, and certainly the longest.

I love how we get to follow Centi (as she names herself) as she tries to figure out what to do now that she exists and is likely to stay that way, and as she tries to cope with the knowledge that her creator controlled her and when she disobeyed, tried to kill her. She's a nicely developed OC, her feelings are really delved into!

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Not Part of the Plan by @kasienda

“What’s wrong, Marinette?” Marinette wiped her tears with her sleeve, and pulled away just enough to reach into her pocket. She gripped the pregnancy test and held it out to her mother. Sabine’s eyes widened as she took in the results of the test in her hand. Her gaze flashed back up to Marinette’s. “You’re pregnant.” And it wasn’t a question, but it was enough to send Marinette into devastated tears once again. Her mother pulled her back into the hug and just held her. “It’s going to be okay.”

Teen pregnancy fic here, which I know isn't everyone's cup of tea. I love how everyone comes together to help figure out what to do and to offer support - and not just to Marinette either, since Adrien's about to be a father as well.

---

True Blue by @rosie-b

Golden Bug and Chat Grise are the heroes of Paris, fighting to protect civilians from Hawk Moth and his akumas. Marinette is Gabriel Agreste’s young apprentice, training under the famous designer to become the next big name in fashion. But one day, Marinette finds an open safe with a beautiful peacock brooch in it... and suddenly, she’s not sure who the villain is anymore.

I love Enemies AU, as I've already mentioned. This is a more unusual one, with MARINETTE being the one on Hawk Moth's side instead of Adrien. I love how Rosie painstakingly weaves together Gabriel's manipulation and lies so you could actually believe that Marinette might be willing to help him - maybe not very enthusiastically, but believing that it's the best option she has. It's pretty impressive!

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The Beauty of a Rose by properjitterbug

In the small town of Bellerose, Marinette and Adrien are childhood friends while secretly pining for each other. They lead happy lives until one day a long, forgotten promise is stirred awake; changing their lives in ways they couldn't imagine. With time marching on, Marinette is left to chase after ghosts of her past as a strange creature appears in the depths of the mysterious forest. Arc 1: Chapters 1-11: Complete Arc 2: Chapters 12-?: In Progress -- Werecat!Adrien x Marinette

Fair warning, this is an M-rated fic, and it earns that M rating, given it has several extensive sex scenes.

Anyway, I love a good fairy tale AU, and this is one of the better ones I've seen. I love how it's clearly inspired by Beauty and the Beast, but doesn't constrain itself by it. Adrien is not a jerk nor does he capture Marinette. Instead he randomly changes into a Werecat and is abandoned by his family, mistaken for a lumbering beast by the townsfolk, left alone for a year - until Marinette comes to visit the Agreste mansion, the home of her friend who just suddenly left one day, and she sees him in his werecat form...

I love this, Marinette is drawn to Chat, even with him looking pretty terrifying. Adrien's pretty insecure about his whole situation, but slowly opens up as he gets to reconnect with Marinette.

[zoeykallus]

Hi Zoey!! Hope you're doing well!! You deserve all the love!!

This is my 2nd request ever, and you handled my 1st request beautifully, so i thought that perhaps i would request again?

Recently, i was randomly hard-blocked on Tumblr by a (now former) mutual.. and also got randomly cut off by some friends irl too ...

To this day i have not the faintest idea what i did wrong and don't even have the capacity to ask any of them.. it makes me incredibly sad/disheartened to loose them, especially since i don't know/understand if/what i did anything wrong..

As far as i've been aware i never violated anyone's guidelines/boundaries.. it makes me physically and mentally ill to think that i could have somehow done something so terrible accidentally/unknowingly and gotten cut off for it.. 😥💔

Despite getting some support and lovin' about it, I've been crying about it so much and don't know how to deal with it still 😓💔

What are your thoughts on how the TBB, (and possibly Wolffe, Rex, and/or Cody if it isn't too much), would react/deal with/comfort (preferably fem!) Reader on randomly loosing friends and getting very sad over it?

I'm sorry for all the angst here!! Also, i know you already wrote something kind of similar (had to do with TBB helping the reader lose a toxic friend), so if this is too much, repetitive, or uncomfortable for you, i totally understand not doing the request!!

Take care and thank you so much for all that you do!! Your love and support and kindness knows no bounds!! 🫶🏼💕🩷

Aloha, hun!

I'm really sorry to read that. It's hard to lose friends, especially when you don't really know why or what's going on. The only way to find out would be asking them about it. But you mentioned you don't feel up to ask them yourself. Maybe you have someone, a friend, who'd be willing to do that for you? Sometimes you can't change peoples minds, and you don't have to. Real friends don't just leave you behind without telling you what bothered them. Real friends communicate and try to fix things and don't just leave or ignore. Hold on to the real ones and let the ones who want to go just go. I know it feels devastating, but you don't need people like this in your life. If they just show you the cold shoulder without voicing what's the deal, they are not willing to really make an effort for this friendship, so why should you run after them? Invest your energy in your real friends.

And friends who need some time to themselves for personal reasons usually at least tell you that they need to retreat for a while, at least in my experience (I do that sometimes when I need to charge up my mental batteries). Cutting someone off without at least addressing them once about the reason is Kindergarten or headless teenager behavior at best. People who really care/cared, don't just vanish out of your life quietly.

That's probably not making you feel much better, but what I'm trying to say is, that you should focus on yourself a bit more and those who deserve your friendship. Don't cry over undeserving idiots. Easier said than done, I know. It'll take time, like everything emotionally heavy does, but you'll feel better at some point when you manage to sort out your priorities. And Drama queens who cut you off on purpose, to make you run after them, are even worse. Those are energy vampires, don't play that game with them, you will always be at the exhausted, losing end.

But, I'm still here, not exactly a close friend, but a mutual I guess. I hear you and even though I can't do much for you right now, I can send you a hug and write something for you ����

I picked this request out of my list to do before the others, because I felt this was a little more... urgent, at the moment.

The Bad Batch/Wolffe/Rex x F!Reader HCs - True Friends

Warnings: Angst/Hurt/Comfort

___________________

Losing friends is never easy. You struggle with being left behind by some of them. How do the clones react?

___________________

Hunter

He is organizing and sorting a few things for the next mission when he talks to you and asks what is bothering you. Your revelation makes him wonder.

"And they didn't say anything? Didn't say why?

You shake your head sadly.

Hunter puts down the datapad on which he's just checked an inventory list and turns to face you fully.

"Then they're not friends either"

You frown and look at him questioningly.

Gently but firmly, he says, "Friends don't just turn their backs on you without comment. Someone who doesn't even expend enough energy to tell you what might be bothering them didn't really care much about this friendship or you in the first place."

You wrap your arms around your body, really not feeling much better now.

Hunter comes closer and takes off a glove and gently strokes your cheek.

"I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear. What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't have to chase after these people. Focus on your real friends, the ones you can always count on. Me, for example," he says with a smile, "Or my brothers. We would never abandon you".

"It just bugs me that I don't know what's going on," you say dejectedly, leaning your head against his chest.

Hunter puts an arm around your shoulders and continues to stroke your cheek with one hand.

"I know, that would keep me busy too. But all I can tell you is focus on other things, other, real friends, important things in your life. If you want I can ask them if you tell me who it is, but I can guarantee you, no matter how it turns out, friends like that will always let you down, again and again"

You sigh wistfully.

"You are a great person, a great friend and partner, don't worry, there will always be someone who appreciates that, one way or another"

Echo

He looks at you worriedly, a depressed expression on his face. Echo can't quite understand why anyone would act this way toward you.

"Maybe they just need some time to themselves?" he asks cautiously.

"All three of them?" you say doubtfully.

Echo sits down next to you in the grass in the shade where the found you and moves a little closer.

He says thoughtfully, "Real friends talk to each other, they say what's going on and don't just take off. Maybe they weren't as good friends as you thought."

"Maybe," you say quietly.

Echo puts an arm around you, and you automatically lean against him, seeking warmth and comfort from his body.

"You're never all alone, Mesh'la. I'm here, my brothers are here, and Omega adores you. You have a family here with us that you can always count on, at all times."

You smile. The loss of your friends hurts, especially that you don't know why. But the thought and feeling of having Echo by your side gives you a sense of security, the impression that everything is actually okay.

"I love you, Echo, what would I do without you?"

Echo gently hugs you and says, "Don't worry about that, you won't get rid of me that easily".

Wrecker

He looks at you in confusion.

"Why would they do that? Friends don't do that"

With a helpless sigh, you look up at your gentle giant.

"Maybe I've upset them?"

Wrecker frowns critically, takes your hand and pulls you with him to the open ramp where he sits down on it and pulls you onto his lap.

Gently putting both arms around you, he says, "Even if that were true, which I kind of can't imagine, then you bring up something like that. Problems that you ignore or eat into yourself only become bigger and bigger problems. If they're really upset about you, then they need to tell you, have a conversation. To just ignore you or shut you out is pretty childish."

You lean against him, resting your head on his shoulder.

"It just feels so weird, so heavy and devastating".

Wrecker strokes your back and pulls his arms, gently, a little tighter around you.

"Don't be sad Cyar'ika, you still have us after all, and that won't change. I love you"

"You are so sweet, Wrecker" you say softly with a small smile.

He chuckles, "I know, I'm great, aren't I?"

"Indeed," you say with a soft laugh, "I love you too."

Tech

He listened to you carefully. When you finish your sentence, Tech puts the datapad aside and looks at you thoughtfully.

"Why would a friend turn his back on you without justification?"

You shrug your shoulders helplessly.

"That's just what's bothering me. Did I upset them, perhaps?"

"Come here, my love," Tech taps the seat next to him invitingly for you to join him before he says, "Well, I think that's unlikely, but it's still possible. However, it still wouldn't justify a lack of explanation about the situation."

You look at him for help.

"What would you do, Tech?"

He blinks, then says, "You know me, I wouldn't dwell on it for long. Even if I had negative feelings about it, I would go on my way and do what needs to be done."

"But what if it was Hunter and Wrecker?"

Tech sighs, "Well, we had something similar with Crosshair, however he gave us some sort of explanation. I don't know, honestly, I don't think there could be a fault line between us that isn't addressed. Especially Hunter would be looking for a dialogue to clear things up, and Wrecker probably would too."

He looks at you, trying to read your face.

After a pause, he says, "Well, in my estimation, these friends aren't worth your concern or friendship. If they don't feel the need to communicate with you about any problems that may exist, then they are obviously not willing to put any particular effort into this relationship. So my conclusion would be, if you are not worth their effort, then you should do the same the other way around and save your energy for more important things and people that are worth yours. Time for new priorities. If it helps you, I could work out a plan with you to help you redirect your energies and reorganize. It may be a good therapeutic distraction."

You smile at him.

"My beloved genius, I would greatly appreciate your help, yes."

Crosshair

He frowns.

"Well, I guess they're idiots," he says dryly, "You know I don't like most of your friends anyway."

Crosshair doesn't like to share your attention, that's the main reason. He tolerates your friends for your sake, but he'd much rather have you to himself. However, he would never go so far as to try to separate you from your friends.

When he sees the sad look on your face, he says, "If they just cut all the lines without telling you why, then they weren't friends either. You don't turn your back on a friend for no reason, and even if there is a reason, at least you talk about it, and then you decide whether to go your separate ways."

"Is that so?" asks Echo dryly from the background.

"Quiet back there," Crosshair grumbles, "You knew why we parted ways, I never made a secret of why I left."

"True."

Crosshair looks at you again and says, "People who really care about you don't turn their backs on you without comment, no matter how much your opinions may differ. What happens after a clarifying conversation is another story"

"Sometimes an ugly one," Echo mutters.

Crosshair snorts, "Would you please stay out of this".

You look from one to the other, finally looking up at Crosshair and asking, "What do you think I should do?"

"Keep going. Don't run after them, focus on yourself and the people who are really there for you," he lifts your chin slightly with his long fingers, "Like me for example."

Wolffe

He puts down the box he just took off his speeder, takes off his helmet and tucks it under his arm. He looks at you with a furrowed brow.

"Well, I guess they're not really friends, then."

"What do you mean?"

Wolffe looks at you urgently, "Someone who really cares doesn't turn their back on you without comment. Simple as that."

You wrap your arms around your body.

"I guess they don't care about me then."

Wolffe sighs, lifting your chin with his fingers and seeking eye contact.

"I care about you, a lot. I'm certainly not the only one"

You look up at him, swallowing and blinking back tears.

"It's just so scary. It feels like at some point everyone could suddenly be gone and then I'm alone"

Wolffe puts his helmet on the speeder, then puts both hands on your shoulder left and right.

"Cyare, you're not alone, you won't be alone. It may feel scary and defeating now, but you'll get over it. You will see and learn in time who your real friends are, what really matters and what your priorities should be"

"You won't abandon me, right?"

Wolffe gently kisses your forehead and says, "Never."

Rex

Rex looks at you in surprise. He expected everything possible, but not really.

"Do I know these friends?"

"No not really"

He shrugs and says, "Well, I don't really know what to tell you. In my experience, friendships are never one sided, at least they shouldn't be. You invest quite a lot of energy in these contacts and suddenly nothing comes back? Mesh'la, it sounds like you were used and… well, don't need you anymore. That doesn't have much to do with friendship, though."

Startled, you sit down on a bench nearby. Rex follows you. He looks at you meekly and says, "Sorry, you probably didn't want to hear that."

You sigh softly and say, "Maybe. But maybe I needed to hear it."

Rex shrugs and says quietly, "Maybe I'm wrong too, Mesh'la, but you should focus on yourself for now and be careful in case they contact you again. You can't let them hurt you."

He sits down next to you and says with a gentle smile, "In any case, you have me, I won't let you down."

His hand clasps yours with gentle pressure.

When you look up at his face, he gives you an encouraging look with that mischievous, yet soft and warm smile of his.

"I got you, Mesh'la, always"

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

@rintheemolion

@andyoufollowyourheart @clone-whore-99

@brynhildrmimi @kaliel2310

@misogirl828 @tech-deck

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@nahoney22 @ladykatakuri

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@starwarsnerd111

[sweetorangepoptart]

this is a bit random of a question but as a parent, about how often do you deal with vomiting kids? i love kids and want to have some in the future, but i am not super great about people puking and i know little kids are germ sponges 😅 is there anything to do that makes dealing with it easier?

Oh heyyyy I love answering random questions about how I deal with various parenting things.

I'd say we have stomach bugs run rampant in our house 2-3 times a year. However there are quite a few factors that contribute to this. I'm cutting it for discussion of bodily fluids.

I work, so the kids have always gone to sitters/in-home daycare before they were school age, so they've been exposed to germs from pretty early on. also, there's FOUR OF THEM. Now that they're all in school, that's four different classrooms and four different pools of germs for the kids to bring home and spread to each other.

But all my all my kids are generally healthy. Immune compromised kids or kids with chronic illnesses might deal with worse.

I have one kid with a sensitive gag reflex who has been known to throw up because she got a hair in her mouth or didn't chew her food well 🙃

So yeah... Having kids=dealing with puke way more often than anyone would like. But there's lots of factors that might mean more or less puking in any children of your own you might have someday!

How I deal with it practically: Masks and gloves for clean up. Paper towels and disinfecting wipes for hard surfaces, carpet cleaner, vinegar and baking soda for carpet and upholstery. Clothes get washed on the high heat sanitary laundry cycle. I will admit I have thrown away items that were just not worth the effort to clean. (Pillows, stuffed animals no one is particularly attached to. that kind of thing)

Sick kid gets a bucket and stays in bed, and each time they throw up I dump it, rinse it, and give everything a quick disinfecting spray.

That's after lots of trial and error over the course of 13 years, and what is easiest for us!

It's a lot to support them emotionally through illness too. Having your kid cry that they hate being sick and don't want to throw up anymore is emotionally taxing and I have to make sure my own mental health is in good enough condition to be there for them they way they need me. Admittedly my husband is better at this part. I get more into logistical problems solving/clean up mode and he gets more into comforting and commiserating.

Sick kids also means taking time off work, them missing school, more laundry, and interrupted sleep.

Did I scare you away from having kids yet? I hope not. My oldest is a teenager and she got sick but I barely had to lift a finger this time. She literally just camped out in the bathroom and texted me when she needed something. So it gets easier. Well. That stuff gets easier. Parenting a teenager comes with drastically different challenges 😅

Also uhhh if you or your partner are carrying and birthing your children... Well pregnancy nausea and vomiting is extremely common so you and/or your partner might have to deal with the realities of vomiting long before actually having a baby in your arms.

Thanks your ask and thanks for reading my word vomit about vomit 🤣🤣

If you ever want anymore info or personal experiences around pregnancy, birth, and parenting, my ask box is always open!! My career is working with new parents who are often shocked by the realities of having kids. I love helping prepare someone before they actually get pregnant.

here, have my favorite parenting comic (Even though I only have 4 kids, I feel like Jupiter sometimes)

[la-princessaa]

In weird way, this post is a long time coming. Does it matter? No. Not particularly. Not to anyone other than me, really. But I'm going through a lot right now. Like, a lot. So I figure, I don't know, just... see where I've come from. The pictures are kind of important. To see how I used to look, the little girl I used to be. Show her some love and care that she needs. She was beautiful. But also be proud of maturing, celebrate getting older, and being alive. That's what these pictures are for. I'm going through a lot in regards to my body, my appearance, autonomy, mental health, and just general change and growth. Growing up. Getting older. Being honest with myself. And also remembering who, exactly, myself is. And carving out a space for me in my own life. Surprisingly hard!

I'm drastically different from 10 years ago. Obviously. 10 years is a long fuckin time. But also I'm one of the unlucky few (or many, I don't know) who had their mental illnesses really take off in their 20s. When I was 16, I was anxious mostly, with some depression. I felt very deeply, regularly, but most of it was happy. I was very sensitive. I did cry a lot. I didn't like the way I looked but I found ways to be happy and appreciate it. I broke up with my boyfriend and honestly. I cried for about an hour. And then I was done. The rest of my teen years were rediscovering myself, dealing with newfound trauma, worsening anxiety and depression, coping terribly, coping well, starting therapy, and just learning... How to be me. Or what exactly felt right. I was super cute, also. I'm baby.

In my late teens-early 20s I discovered that I have, at the very least, OCD-like symptoms in my anxiety. That consumed my life for awhile. My rituals, intrusive thoughts, ruminations, devoured my life for awhile. But I got it back eventually. Everything was... not fantastic, but it was okay. Y'know? I don't really remember a lot from anything before the pandemic, but, hey. Who does? After the pandemic hit, though, I got bad again. So bad, I had to get on medication.

Sometime in my early 20s, I decided I did not like the way I looked. I went to the doctor, saw my weight, went home and just cried. That's always been a struggle for me. Always. Ever since I was about 8 years old, maybe younger, my weight has been a subject. Either directly with me or to my parents from family or doctors. I'm realizing I grew up very different from some of my real-life peers. They didn't have to shop at plus-sized stores and spend exorbitant amounts of money to hope clothes fit. I feel joy and a twinge of jealousy now when I see how accessible clothing is now for fat people. It's fantastic, it's wonderful, but I do feel... some grief, every time, for younger me. I didn't realize I loved fashion until I started losing weight because I couldn't fit into anything. I didn't have variety. I had expensive ass Torrid. And a body that didn't match any of the models. And it was, always, just a little punch every time I went out to buy clothes and couldn't get anything fun in most other stores. Just a slow chip away at my self esteem every time I put something on and hated the way it fit me, hated the way I wasn't the acceptable fat shaped. Hated how I couldn't go into H&M and have anything fit. I still feel this way. I've lost a lot of weight, but these still chip away at me. I'm surprised there's anything left, at this point. Put on clothes, it doesn't lay right on my body. I have so, so much loose skin and it genuinely kills me inside every time I see it.

Anyway. I hated the way I looked, so I decided to lose weight. And it helped. It created a lot of anger and grief that I still have to sift through. A lot of anger at why did nobody tell me this was all it took, how everyone made comments but nobody helped me at all. Everybody was worried for me but nobody told me how to do it RIGHT. It was all no sweets, no fun, no nothing. Atkins. Which, for a teenager who emotionally eats? Fuck that. Plus, I was fine with how I looked, really, as a teen. Some stuff hit me wrong, I had parts I didn't like, but my biggest complex was my boobs. But that was due to a boyfriend. Anyways, I changed habits, it worked and helped. Until the pandemic hit. September of 2021, I bought a dress after getting a job, which was a whole other ordeal. But I put it on. It didn't fit right. And I went "oh". Something shifted that day. And I started down a path I haven't gotten off of. I ignored it, as long as I could. I think I did well. Hell, I started dating and stopped caring after awhile. I quit my job. Gained some weight back. Had a small, like, stupid small health issue that wound up affecting my confidence, and wuh-oh. I did a sharp, sharp left turn and was now having an absolutely terrible view of my body and how I fit into the world. It kickstarted a lot of problems. I went on websites I shouldn't, wandered through parts of Twitter that would make a grown ass, confident man feel terrible about himself. Looked through things I knew would hurt me, to make it all more intense. To see more "progress". I finally spoke up about it, and was like, I gotta get better. This isn't great. Which I have done several times before and since.

And then my world exploded.

Like, big-bang, everything I knew shattered, my world tilted and has never been the same. Every ounce of trauma came back, everything I've talked about here increased to a level I've never had before. I became so, so depressed. I've always been functional in my depressive states. Responsibility has always been stronger. But this time was so different. All I did was lay in bed and cry when I wasn't walking. I, at this point, had only self-harmed occasionally, and then suddenly it was so regular. I count this as when I developed my full-on eating disorder. In my fuckin mid 20s. Suddenly nothing fit me, everything sags, and let me tell you, that does not help. It makes it all worse, actually. I became genuinely suicidal. Like, "staring at my anxiety medication longingly" suicidal. My body dysmorphia is at an all time high, even now. I'm still not out of this. It's better, it's more... I'm doing more healthy, sustainable things, but it's still. bad.

I don't recognize myself in the mirror anymore, or in my own head. Genuinely, I've forgotten who I am. As the months have gone on, I've found things that bring me joy or remember things that do, but it's like it's underwater. It's so dull. I think the last week has been the most I've felt like my old self in genuine years. I've done little things to try and fix this. I pierced my nose, which was awesome. I've had a surgery I've wanted since last year. To finally help me feel more comfortable in my skin. To take away a part of me that made me violently uncomfortable. Reclaiming my body to be mine and mine alone. I'm finally buying clothes that fit instead of "I need to gain weight, so I'll get this larger" clothes. It's just as harmful as buying clothes too small to create "goals", by the way. Because in my case, I haven't fixed what's made me drop all the weight, so I'm PETRIFIED of gaining it back. So the clothes are just baggy and don't show off what I like. I don't feel happy or confident in them. Just buy clothes that fit. Seriously.

I'm comfortable saying I'm finally on the mend. I'm not better. But I'm not laying in bed sobbing every day. I'm not self-harming every day. I still have a lot of work to do. A lot. I've become obsessed with being sexy, and desirable, that it's drowning out anything I would actually like. My depression, my eating disorder, my desperation to be accepted and desired and loved, are all drowning out anything that is me. I'm trying to get better. But Jesus, it's a struggle. I do appreciate how I've grown into my face, the nose piercing definitely does a lot. I do still wear what I enjoy, not what my brain tells me I need to wear to be sexy. It's a battle, but I have little victories, at least.

[for-a-home-that-once-was]

A rant about my sister and her inability to understand me and my issues (especially mental health stuff). Putting in under "read more" because it's gonna be huge wall of text.

I think after meeting i had yesterday with my sister i am really sure, like 100% that she is nowhere near better than the rest of this dysfunctional family. Yes she might understand SOMETHING better but that's about it.

First of all, she absolutely invalidates me, doesn't believe i have trauma and tries to downplay it. "Everyone has some traumatic experiences"... Yea right... But not everyone gets to be severely mentally ill. Every time i tried to bring trauma as a cause for stuff she'd say something like "maybe BUT it could be...". I haven't talked with anyone who tried this fucking hard to downplay my trauma and abuse. Usually people say upfront and it is easier to deal with those and with how my sister does it. Also the fact that she believes that there aren't healthy people and everyone has some sort of mental issues says a lot because she literally downplays how severely mentally ill i am. Maybe it's her projecting or maybe it's just her brain trying to save her from her own shit idk. But it fucking sucks.

Of course i wasn't surprised when she didn't understand bpd even when i tried to explain splitting and shit. Not surprised because most people in this fucking country has no knowledge of bpd or of personality disorder in general. When i tried to explain it, her response was "but your personality is great and who cares if it's disordered and why it has to be like that". BITCH IT'S BECAUSE I HAVE FUCKING PERSONALITY DISORDER THAT'S WHY. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Idk why it's so hard to understand that personality disorders exist and idk why it's so hard to understand the concept of it. Then after i explained splitting she was like "well even people without disorders and mental health issues can be driven to do crazy shit and act in similar ways". 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Then she absolutely does not understand what disassociation is and how it feels because what she described from her side isn't disassociation but more like bottling up emotions and stuff.

Then what really makes me so fucking angry and annoyed is how she said that she knows me so well. NO SHE DOESN'T. We barely talk on daily basis, we mostly meet during holidays or random occasions like this. She lives not with me and bitch mother anymore. How can she actually know me when we barely talk. That's right she can't. But wait, oh, i fucking forgot that she as also the rest of this dysfunctional family bases their knowledge on kid and teenage me and fails to update this version they have of me to current me so of course they think they know me well... 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I fucking hate this shit.

And then the biggest and most annoying thing about that whole meeting and conversation with her is how she magically knows every single solution to every single mental health issue. And that solution is to write. 😂😂😂😂😂🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Yes, apparently if you write you will heal and shit and find every solution and it will also heal you from personality disorders and depression and ptsd and everything. 😂😂😂😂😂 Fucking hell. And what is even worse is how pushing she was about it. Like ok, I'd understand a suggestion of it but being pushy and forceful about your suggestion is absolutely wrong way to make someone even consider taking your suggestion or trying it out.

So yea, this is basically watered down version of what happened because there's so much shit I've heard from her. I was really expecting that she might have changed or something but i guess i expected too much from this shit family. And somehow i feel that i am only one sane and understanding person in this family so of course i am a black sheep. I do hope that she won't have any kids because this family and this fucking curse and shit needs to die.

I don't know maybe some of this was my fault, maybe i haven't explained well, i mean i suck at explaining and shit so maybe if it was someone else explaining stuff to her, maybe she would have understood better. 🤷‍♀️

[hiccupbutpurple]

Mental disorders/conditions (whatever you wanna call it) are an explanation not an excuse

I saw a thing on Instagram today and I already having a bad day and it pissed me off so I’m talking about it to let go. Probs won’t explain it very well but I don’t care. I can’t fucking stand it when people seem to think that someone struggling with a mental disorder automatically absolves them of any responsibility. Because it doesn’t. It is a valid and understandable explanation. It doesn’t mean there’s no impact. It doesn’t mean that the person they hurt can’t be fucking hurt. It doesn’t mean someone is evil for looking after themselves.

Don’t be an asshole, don’t antagonise people just because they have a mental illness, but if someone is hurting you, you can be hurt. If you are in a situation that is dangerous, it doesn’t matter if that person has a ‘valid reason’ to treat you like shit. They don’t. You are allowed to put yourself first. You are allowed to leave. (And I don’t mean just in romantic relationships because people seem to forget other types of relationships exist.) You are allowed to be fucking upset and angry about it.

Giving some context (not really it’s just a vent without much info tbh) below but that’s the main part.

This is the self indulgent vent part but as a kid for probably around 6 years I got treated like shit because of someone who hurt as a result of their mental illness. I’ve now found out that he has a pretty serious disorder which is a very hard and awful thing to for someone to have to live with and I’m sorry he has too. However, he is probably one of the main reasons I have the problems I do. He not solely the reason, but I know I wouldn’t struggle the way I do without him. It took 6 fucking years (while trying to work out what the hell is wrong with my own self, my sexuality, all the other standard teenage stuff and my own home life) to fully stop communication with him and stop feeling responsible.

And it’s been years but I’m still constantly effected by him. I mean for fuck sake I have to deal with fears of him coming to kill me (I know realistically he wouldn’t but the fear is there). All the little ways too, like how he comes up in my thoughts randomly and suddenly I can’t stop (like now) or how apathetic I feel, especially when suicide comes up. Like that word is mentioned and suddenly I no longer care about anyone or anything and I hate that I don’t care, I care when it comes to fucking characters but if a real human being says they are suicidal suddenly my brain just goes ‘nope’ and it’s either anger or numbness and that’s not fair to anyone.

Honestly it’s smaller things that annoys me even more than the big things. The stuff that just bleeds into everyday things, it affects all my relationships and my life overall. I went through so fucking much because I was scared to hurt someone else, that I ended up hurting myself and tbh others as well. Cause guess what, my own issues that came about mostly as a result of that have made me act in ways that hurt others! Thankfully all my friends are in similar boats and it did make us able to have healthier relationships with each other and learn to set boundaries. So there are some positives.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg but now I’m getting tired again but I seriously hate it when people go ‘you can’t criticise someone with a mental illness’ or ‘you can’t blame them cause they have a disorder.’ I think the majority of people know this but sometimes I see stuff that just pisses me off.

[mackleboar]

Having a tumblr is cool bc I can in fact just whine about my divorce into the void and no one has to know. That it’s me, that I’m whining… whatever

The reasons are sound. They’re good reasons. There is no way that right now we’d be able to fix what we need to fix while holding each other up bc the ways that we hold each other up are 1. Sometimes toxic and 2. Sunken into our flesh as part of our support. Like trees that ate a fence.

Like trees that ate each other. Lol

And I need so much self fixing. It’s like the drinking where like as long as drinking’s the problem you don’t have to look at you. And as long as they’re mentally ill (spoiler, it’s for forever) I don’t have to look at me.

I haven’t been having as much trouble staying sober the last few weeks. And I’ve felt more crazy but that doesn’t feel bad. And I’ve seen more things more clearly because of how bad I’ve felt. And that works too.

I don’t want anyone in my life that I don’t want to be family. And I want to be able to work through shit early. And I want people who make me feel brave.

Us together didn’t feel brave. Not because leavings hard. It is. But it didn’t feel brave because I was compromising my bravery to make them feel safe. And the walls kept closing in because that is… impossible.

We’re both going to have to face ourselves in different ways on this side. I am going to have to become someone I actually like and trust and give time and attention to. Which doesn’t sound like much but feels impossible. I’m going to have to become the person I rely on instead of the person someone else relies on, that feels unhinged. Like who would do that for me? Who would care unconditionally?

It’ll have to be me. And pre divorce I guess that sounded like pouring from an empty cup. Like it was so insulting, I was furious at the thought. Now it just sounds impossible. And THAT my friends is progress

The grief comes both at random and every night at like 9:36 PM. And there’s something so sweet about that because the consistent thing that I hated and that kept me so much healthier is that they had to go to bed so fucking early. And so that would have been like wind down time. And I think that was their time to just be, and so I got to just be next to them. Which didn’t happen much. And I hadn’t thought about it til now but I think my body knows. I miss that. I mean it has to have been regulating. Especially since I was the only one who slept.

When we got back from the break and we’re living together again I would sleep. Right away.

That’s probably the first thing I should try to give myself. The gift of not working late. Even though so much of me so badly wants to all the time. But that’s not a person I can trust, right. That voice. That voice is a teenager. A 16 year old.

It’s so hard because the thing that drove me, initially, was that I had a sudden loss of trust in them and a sudden sense they didn’t care. And then the breakup and the fallout. But after that, living with them, was like getting to see the other side of attachment. And it had been since before Covid, but I remember that side coming out the year after phoenix and the revelations etc. I had forgotten what that felt like. But it was in there, it’s not like it was a lie.

I don’t like to think about it too long because I don’t want to regret. But like if we take the pandemic as a particularly cruel test and look at our trajectory before that it was so promising. But I also kind of lost that person the moment the pandemic hit and that was too long.

The bad shit… I don’t know if it’s too much to get over. Now that I’ve had more time I do feel like the first few years could have been forgiven by now if there weren’t so much new shit to deal with. But I haven’t had time, mostly accumulation.

But it’s not about how well I can forgive, it’s about me becoming everything I have to be. Exhausting

[mentallyilltiredgirl]

vent: im greiving & i thought that my friends would be there for me to comfort me through this because this is very hard for me. 1 out of dozens of my friends asked me if i was okay & let me talk to her about it. no one else said anything to me about it & it hurts because i know they know im hurt & they know that this is affecting me. im struggling and theyre going about their lives. im not even struggling in private. they know. now not only do i have to deal with the hurt from this loss but i also have to deal with the hurt of having no one who truly cares about me. and maybe im being dramatic but it hurts so bad. ive struggled with self harm throughout all of my teenage years and clearly im into it sexually, but i havent hurt myself because i have upset/sad/angry in a really really long time and im on the verge of relapse & i feel so alone. the worst part is i know i have so many friends but at this point its making me want nothing to do with any of them. i want to cut them all off and move forward with my life with the 1 friend who reached out. & im scared to express these feelings to my friends because i dont want them to think im seeking attention. this isnt about lack of attention, its about feeling like they genuinely dont care. i just feel so shitty & im afraid that if i keep these friends i will resent them for the rest of my life and they will never understand. i thought at least half of them would check on me and i thought a quarter of them were my genuine friends. but im not so sure thats the case anymore. ive always felt things so much harder than most people & its a blessing and a curse. i know that if i saw them post that they were going through something sad i would reach out and be there for them. i understand that i cant hold everyone to a certain standard and expect them to act the way that i would. theyre not me. i wish i could have myself as a friend and i guess in a way i do. i do have myself and i always will and i think thats special. i need to be there for myself in the way that no one else will and thats why i wont hurt myself again. i think i might give myself some distance from everyone. & when they get a clue and ask me whats wrong ill tell them. im not sure im ready for their responses and that already should tell me everything i need to know. if they were my real friends i wouldnt worry about communicating my feelings about something that genuinely hurt me. but i am worried. im worried that ill be dismissed. told that its not a big deal. i cant let people do that to me anymore. i cant let people tell me how i should feel because i am feeling these things and those feelings are real. and if they were real they would respect me. i dont feel respected. i feel ignored. theyre going on about their lives and theyre not worried about me, so why should i be worried. am i willing to throw out friendships that ive had since middle school? i might be. ive recently come to the conclusion that in life the only thing i really care about it my mental health. i just want to be happy & i want to surround myself with people who make me feel happy. evidently these people arent making me feel very happy. maybe i had too many friends anyway. i suppose i really could cut my circle down to prioritize myself. i wont be here in this town forever. i wont be surrounded by these people forever anyways. i will be surrounded by myself forever. at the end of the day i need to put myself first before anyone or anything else. im so hurt right now and moving forward i need to remember these feelings and not let anyone dismiss them. right now im making a promise to myself to hold onto these feelings when talking to these people again. i wont forget how they made me feel, and i wont let them make me doubt myself. this sounds dramatic i know, but its really how i feel.

[system-of-a-feather]

hi, I think I might have DID, but I also don’t know if I’m for some reason faking it for attention, though I haven’t even told anyone of my suspicions? and i’m a minor so i can’t really get myself screened and i don’t trust my parents enough to tell them. if you could provide any guidance or anything, i would appreciate it so much <3

I strongly do not recommend doing much digging into DID or potentially having a system as a minor unless symptoms are overtly getting intrusive because processing and working through DID is a lot for someone who is still living in an unsafe environment and limited tools to help their own situation out. If you do some personally digging into your experiences, I VERY strongly do not recommend doing trauma work without a professional as a minor living in an unsafe environment.

I know that sounds possibly like me saying "don't try to heal". That is not what I mean, I would recommend focusing on learning and establishing fundamental coping skills - grounding techniques, trying to learn what makes you feel safe, trying to find safe ways to handles increased emotions and symptomology, trying to establish healthy and safe friendships and peers, looking into less-trauma centered symptoms that might not be related to DID but play a role into how you are experiencing things.

Personally, I was aware of having a system around age of 14 and that led to a lot of compounding issues and unfortunate situations because I was 1) incapable of doing much about my situation and 2) overloaded with my age-appropriate identity issues and the stressors of middle school and highschool and 3) had little room to actually have people to support. I didn't really know much of DID until I was like 16 (beyond that I totally couldn't have it I just have people in my head), and didn't actually really think I had it until I was diagnosed.

With that being said, I am very very thankful I was able to get two years of foundational therapy before I even really addressed the DID too directly to get some understanding on how to cope with OCD, PTSD, and to just have someone who could help me navigate surviving highschool and living at home.

I'm very very much of the personal opinion that minors who think they might have DID should probably hold off before jumping into the DID community or digging into it too much, because going through being a mentally ill teenager in an unsafe environment is already a lot to process and deal with and I think its much more important for those teenagers and minors to focus on being a teenager and trying to get through that hard period rather than focusing on the intense complexities that comes with DID.

Additionally, if you do have DID, the first stage in most professional treatment is stabilization which involves learning and gaining a lot of coping tools and self awareness as well as communication with parts. Trauma work and intensely trying to understand every part and all the trauma all parts hold is something we - having been in treatment for 6 years and DID focused treatment for 4 - are only just starting to actually open up.

Having recently cleared "stabilization" for the most part, I very very very very firmly support that it is a very very very important stage in recovering with DID and its very very very important to not skip that stage. Obtaining the coping skills, internal trust, and secure base within yourself is very very important to being able to handle the brunt of the trauma that comes with DID.

So with that said, my best advice would be to probably try to not think too much about having DID or not having DID, but to just look at what things are distressing you and focusing on self care, coping, and how to better care and help yourself because regardless of if you have DID or not, it is something you will likely need to do and at your current age and place in life, that is probably a much more effective, healthier, and safer form of healing to focus on with the resources you have.

I know it isn't easy or always possible, because I too was a mentally ill minor with parents that I could not trust, but if there is a way to get to see any professional for any mental health condition, I would really suggest giving it ago. I was talking to some friends about this, and some therapists suck, so if you do get one bad one, I am sorry and please don't write treatment off, but having a therapist is often better than none.

If you aren't comfortable saying "I think I have trauma" which is completely understandable for many reasons, a little "I was a minor who had abusive parents" trick that worked for me was to pick the LEAST offensive LEAST image breaking (for them) and most beneficial (for them) disorder / mental health issue and pushing that very very hard to just see someone.

We got into therapy first by leveraging a situation that made them more prone to being concerned for once, honestly intentionally played up our distress massively, and insisted that we were really severely distressed about our Trichotillomania (compulsive hair pulling) and that I really couldn't cope with it on my own and I really really needed a professional's help because "it is causing permanent damage to my skin / hair follicles and I might never be able to grow them back and if I never do that then I can't get a job because I look mentally ill" and the "can't get a job" sold my parents enough that they put me into "temporary therapy for 13 weeks"

I'll just tell you that I've been in therapy since.

Anyways, I hope that helped and I hope you can get the help you need sooner than later. Being a minor is hard. Being mentally ill is hard. High school is very hard. You are in a really really difficult place at the moment and I'm proud you are keeping strong. Take care of yourself, you deserve it. ^^

-Riku (Host)

[moved2usagiiboo]

KinkTober day 7- Somnophilia

Chifuyu x reader

Part one

Wc: 1721

Summary: Chifuyu can't stop these thoughts from flooding his mind, especially when you're sleeping right next to him.

An: I reached 200 followers like a few days ago and just y'all are so sexy for that <3

⚠️ WARNING⚠️ this story contains explicit description of sexual acts like, noncon, somnophilia, breeding, pet names, cum play, praise, and pet names.

Minors do not interact. Go drink a juice box or something.

Chifuyu knew it was wrong, it was shameful. You had no ill intent when you had invited him over for a horror movie marathon, no lustful thinking when you told him he could spend the night because you were worried about him walking home late at night despite knowing he used to be in a gang and can handle himself.

When you offered to sleep together because the floor was hard his heart fluttered, he could feel his face flush. The thought of being in the same bed as you, an innocent act shared amongst friends quite often soon turned dark in his head.

Would he be able to resist?

He tried to turn down your offer, but you were so damn insistent on sleeping together, he couldn’t deny you when you looked at him with such determination and passion in your eyes. If only you knew what he wants to do to you, you would’ve never offered it. Hell, you wouldn’t even be in the same room as him.

23 years old and can’t control his indecent thoughts like some teenage horndog. You inviting him to lay on the bed with sparkles in your eyes as you saw his hesitation once he looked at your asleep attire wasn’t anything more than you being kind, like always. A perfect angel with pure intentions. You were someone who needed to be protected and cared for, not violated, and tainted.

Not that, anything but that.

Somehow, despite his fast heartbeat and worry for what he might do to you he falls asleep and wakes up with you facing him. A leg thrown over his own and arms wrapped around his neck like he was your boyfriend. You did say you liked to cuddle while you slept, but he didn’t think you’d be on him like this, so close. He can see your perky nipples through your thin nightshirt, he can feel your bare legs move every so often against his as you slept.

He should stop himself, go take a cold shower, deal with his problem in the bathroom, he shouldn’t be wrapping his hands around your waist as you sleep. Pulling you nice and close to the point where you nipples are against his own, the slight tough was enough to make him shiver. You grumbled in your sleep as you slightly nuzzled your head against his pillow. Well, your pillow that you let him use for the night.

Your leg pulled him closer as you tried to get comfortable in your sleep. He could feel his body produce sweat and it wasn’t even hot, what’s worse is the raging boner in his pants that’s becoming more and more painful as you nuzzle against him.

He’s a strong man he likes to think, both physically and mentally, but for some reason you cloud his mind. Making it hard for him to think, blurring the lines between right and wrong. If this was anyone else he would have no problem ignoring it, hell, he wouldn’t even had woken up but it’s you. His crush for lord knows how long, the girl he’d walk through hell and back for a thousand times if it meant he could see you smile.

All he wants to be is the reason you smile, so why is he doing something that might make you cry.

His grip on your waist tightens as he battles his inner demons telling him to continue with his acts, that you’d enjoy it, that you’re his pretty little slut, that’s why you wore this to bed, and angels telling him what he’s doing his wrong, that you’ll hate him for it in the morning if you find out. All compelling arguments from the angels in his head, but right now there’s too many forces against him.

Those forces being his cock that’s begging for some form of release, but his hand won’t do it. No, he needs your help. You’re his friend after-all right? You wouldn’t mind, hell, he’ll make sure you don’t even know.

“M’sorry Y/n, m’so sorry.” He whispered in whines as he knew what he was about to do.

So with that he indulges in his sinful needs, his hands traveling your body almost in a greedy manner, wanting to feel and touch everything. He shifts himself so that he can pull both his pants and boxers down to free his cock from the tightness of the fabric, it twitches when the cold air brushes against it. He groans lightly at the breeze against his angry cock.

The salty precum that leaks through the tip is wiped away by his fingers and smeared on your lips only for you to groan in your sleep licking away the liquid thinking it was drool. He could cum right now knowing you gladly drank up his cum.

One hand goes down to push his cock in between your two thighs before finding purchase on your waist, he could almost cry at how good it feels as he moves his hips. Soft whimpers could be heard from his voice as he’s thrusting himself between your soft skin. You whimper softly as the feeling of friction in between your thighs but you never wake up.

“So soft princess, so good for me.” He praises you knowing you wouldn’t hear him. His thrusts get sloppy as he feels himself getting closer to his end, too fast he thinks, way too fast.

He pulls himself out, already breathless.

“Fuck.” His lips find themselves on your neck, his hands on your mounds, he reminds himself that he can’t leave any marks, or you’ll know. He must be gentle, gentle enough so that you don’t know but rough enough for him to feel like he’s claiming you. His hands grip your tits, moving them in a circle and you moan.

You moan.

“Does that feel good?” He mutters against your ear biting on the lobe.

Another breathless, helpless moan emits from your sleeping body. All because of him, this just riles him up. He’s now biting at your neck although he knows the consequences, he’s squeezing and pinching your nipples as he’s dry humping you, his cock rubbing against your oversized shirt not enough to cause him to cum but enough to help with the pain.

“God you drive me crazy, I love you y’know, love you so much it hurts.” He babbles as he kisses your neck once more. He pulls away from your neck with a string of saliva that was proof he was there, he mentally curses himself for the marks he left knowing you’ll be suspicious in the morning but he couldn’t care less right now. His hands lift up your shirt enough to reveal your panties. Pure white with lace and a pretty purple bow, innocent, like you.

“So cute.” He muttered as his finger touches your slit. Oh? Not so innocent, you’re soaking. Does this mean you did want this? That you need this as much as he did? You wanted him too right? That’s why you’re soaking. He toyed with your pussy just enough to stir you while you slept as he placed his cock back in between your thighs once more. You’re turning slightly in your sleep to his touch, you’re letting out breathless moans in the process.

“So, ha- So dirty princess, such a dirty slut.” He began to thrust his hips, light noises of skin against skin could be heard as his hips bucked into your thighs. He kept going, getting faster as he felt a knot in his stomach form. You whimper as his skin slaps against yours. He was getting closer; he could feel his thighs begin to shake as his orgasm approached. His hands on your waist tightened as he fought with his demons once more.

“M’gonna cum, cum right inside you.” He placed his hand on your stomach, “Gonna breed your pussy if you don’t wake up. Gonna make you have my kids, right here baby.” He pressed down slightly.

“You want it too? Deep inside huh? You’ll make a pretty mommy.” He pulls your panties to the side, gathering spit in his mouth before allowing it to drip on his free hand, he smeared the spit onto the tip of his cock before sliding his tip in. He groaned at the instant tightness he felt wrap around him, he was so warm. Felt like a blanket for his cock, it was so good. He never wanted to forget this feeling of your cunt squeezing him, pulsating around him, begging to be filled up.

You whined at the feeling of his cock, you never wake up though. Just positioning yourself to the point where more of his cock is sliding in.

“You want it too? Want my cock? So eager baby, god I love fuckin' you.” He mindlessly speaks as he marvels at the sight of you taking him in.

“So tight, all f’me too, yer pussy’s all mine.” He gruffed against your neck as he rocked his hips back and forth, too worrying about waking you with his harsh movements, sliding just the tip and some change in and out as his hand squeeze the length that didn’t go in, trying to mimic the grip of your walls. He felt his orgasm approaching as you whined and unconsciously clench around him.

“Gonna cum baby, so close— Ah! Be a good girl, fuck— n' let me fill you up yeah?” His legs shook as he slipped most of his cock inside, one, two, three more sloppy thrusts and he’s creaming your pussy with his fluids. A long low groan as he rests his head into your breasts coming down from his orgasm, his cock shoots spurts inside you, as if its never ending. It pulsates and twitches as he pulls it out, he lifts your shirt up more to watch his cum seep out of you.

“Shit— holy shit.” He says out of breath as his cum trickles down to your thigh, he gathers as much of the dripping cum as he can before smearing it on your pussy rubbing it in as if it’s some form of ointment, he grabs more of it and places it on your lips like he did with his precum only to watch you lick it off.

Fuck, he’s hard again.

[miss-kittyy]

Rewriting Briarlight and Longtail’s Deaths

So I am disabled, like very disabled, I am %50 of the teenagers ever diagnosed with my special combination of pain disorders, and I also unfortunately hyper fixated on warrior cats, which is bad news for me because warrior cats is super ableist, and to add insult to injury, the fandom can also be pretty ableist.

My biggest problem with the majority of “anti-ableist” AUs is that they “fix” the ableism stemming from the narrative and able bodied characters by making the disabled character less disabled, this so bad for many reasons. I’ve talked more about in other posts. The justification that real life disabled cats are less doesn’t make it not ableist, since when was warrior cats meant to be realistic? If you’re making an au where the disabled cats function like actual disabled cats you also have to make all the cats genetically accurate, and retcon Lionblaze lifting a tree.

My problem with warrior cats is not that the disabled characters cannot become full conventional warriors, I’d like it if they got to choose what duties the perform instead of being crammed into the medicine den, but I don’t care about Cinderpelt not being able to complete a marathon. Most of the fandom seems to think the issue is that the disabled character are not useful enough, instead of the way that able bodied characters deny of them agency and make remarks like “you wouldn’t want to return to a life like her’s would you?”. Disabled people do not need to be “useful” to be worthy and empowering.

It’s very obvious that most of the fandom just wants the disabled cats to be more palatable to abled bodied people, so I’ve decided to make my own rewrite instead to hopefully make myself feel better. A lot of these things are inspired by my own experiences and not every disabled person is looking for the same things in representation, this is totally self indulgent.

The goal of this AU is to highlight the many unique and valuable aspects disability and how being disabled does not infringe upon anyone’s worth, ever.

- Longtail doesn’t die in the storm, Briarpaw is still injured, but he’s found besides her, trying his best to help her cling to life.

- after Briarpaw begins to recover he stands up to Millie and other cats insulting her quality of life, he says her journey will be hard, but it is one worth taking.

- She asks him why he’s an elder, and he decides to request to have his warrior ship restored as Briarpaw is dreading the life of an elder.

- On his first patrol the cats accompanying him insist on speaking to him in an incredibly infantilism tone, and whispering amongst themselves over what he can or can’t do, without consulting him,

- He initially gives up on patrolling after that insufferable experience.

- Briarlight begins to create marks and blobs on the wall of the medicine den using crushed up dead herbs she asks him to retrieve some berries for her, and he complies.

- Jayfeather shows him how he navigates the territory with the help of some of the sighted cats, and Mousefur is quick to volunteer as his guide. He finds her company surprisingly empowering. He realizes that it was not his blindness which was limiting his abilities, but the other cats attitudes.

- Mousefur and Longtail return with mouthful of berries and herbs, Briarlight describes to him what she’s drawing on the side of the den and he helps he mound the materials into paint.

- The cats begin to pop into the medicine den to see Briarlights painting and soon Jayfeather has to kick her out occasionally so they’d stop crowding him, she’s given the walls of camp to decorate instead.

- She begins to illustrate Longtails stories of the old territory and Bloodclan, and this new form of storytelling becomes a tradition amongst Thunderclan.

- because more young cats are aware of the clans history it becomes harder for the dark forest to recruit them, unfortunately, Blossomfall’s resentment towards her sister means she never cared to listen.

- Ivypool is still recruited and trained like in canon, given her relationship with the dark forest was much more emotionally charged and manipulative than just plain lies.

- at a gathering Longtail meets Grasspelt who inquires about Briarlight, Longtail is surprised about how little he knows as the she-cat had mentioned how well they got along as apprentices. Despite Millie nagging him not to tell him the truth about her daughter he does anyways, but puts much more emphasis on how well she’s doing than Millie expected. Grasspelt thinks this sounds really cool and decides that he is going to see her and her paintings, and that nobody can stop him. Longtail makes sure to put any opposing cat in their place, but Briarlight is a very respected Clanmate, so most warriors don’t say anything.

- Briarlight is nervous and doesn’t want to come out of the medicine den at first, but when Grassheart darts into the den holding berries and flowers for her to paint with she quickly warms up to her visitor.

- Grassheart is happy to tell Briarlight that he’s never been able to be a “functioning” warrior, and that he has always imagined that his spirit is shaped different, the medicine cat says his body is normal, but he’s never been able to keep focus in a fight or react as quickly as he should be able to while hunting. (He’s autistic because I say so)

- As dusk nears he’s visually hesitant to return to Riverclan and when Longtail inquires on why he says that he hasn’t felt so “here” for a long time. On the way back he wanders off and comes back with a chipmunk, when returning to Riverclan territory his father, Mintfur, is shocked to see his catch. After talking with his family a bit he realizes that it was the noise from the river that was making him so tense and dissociated, Brackenfur, who was escorting him, notices that he keeps rubbing himself on the ground and wincing.

- For the next couple moons Grasspelt returned to Thunderclan to bring Briarlight plants that only grow in Riverclan territory, he begins trying to fish from the quite lazy stream in their territory and soon both him and Briarlight have got it down.

- Longtail notices the sadness present whenever Grasspelt left and exclaims that it’s rather stupid that he’s living somewhere so unsuited for him just because of words long repeated.

- Grasspelt confesses that he feels the same, but knew he wasn’t supposed to say anything. Briarlight tells Longtail that her and the Riverclan warrior had been thinking of each other as mates for moons.

- Longtail accompanies Jayfeather to the next half moon meeting where he proposes his addition to the warrior code, “no cat should be confined to laws which harm them due to an inherent physical or spiritual difference.” (Cats don’t really know how brains work, so they see mental disabilities as a difference within a cats spirit)

- A moon later the leaders meet to discuss this proposition, it is accepted and Grasspelt makes the journey to Thunderclan for the final time.

- Grasspelt is renamed Grassspirit when becoming a Thunderclan warrior, unlike prior renaming of disabled cats this is a celebration.

- Grassspirit spends most of his time taking care of the elders and kits, he’s incredibly compassionate especially with kits and is able to solve many problems within the nursery.

- When twigkit and Violetkit arrive in Thunderclan Briarlight and Grassspirit help raise them, after Violetkit is taken Briarlight and Twigkit paint her on the side of Thunderclan camp.

- Briarlight still gets sick and her illness progresses without any treatment, Grassspirit notices her trying to hide it and when Longtail finds out he’s very upset. Jayfeather frantically treats her, expressing his frustration that she didn’t tell them sooner, the second Millie steps out she breaks down and explains that she just wanted to deal with it herself, and perhaps if she were successful Millie would finally treat her like an adult.

- Longtail gives Millie a stern talking to, he tells her that Briarlight is a warrior of Thunderclan and as her clanmate she should show her some respect.

- Millie is inherently very reactionary, as she had not realized the full extent of her suffocation, but eventually after a couple moons her and Briarlight begin to rekindle their relationship, like adults.

- Blossomfall sees how Brairlight wasn’t basking in their mother’s attention like she imagined, and feels the urge to seek out an actual sisterhood after ignoring Briarlight for moons and moons.

- Briarlight isn’t really mad at her sister, and understands why she felt the way she did. Jayfeather suggests that Blossomfall help Briarlight with her painting, Blossomfall seems put off with the suggestion of being her sister’s assistant.

- The interactions that follow are less than ideal, Blossomfall commends Briarlight’s able friends (Thornclaw, Poppyfrost, Alderheart, etc) for being so nice to her, as if that’s not what friends do. She seems very sad the entire time, sighing when her sister dragged her legs around with her mouth to sit more comfortably, even though she was completely fine. When watching her paint she comments that it’s good she has “something to keep her busy”, and finally she expresses her view, of Briarlight’s injury and her (Blossomfall’s) suffering being all worth it because of her talents, as if her life was not worth living to begin with.

- Briarlight tells her that if that’s truly what she wants she’s going to have to put more effort into understanding and respecting her way of life, and that she won’t apologize for their mother’s actions.

- When Blossomfall has her kits they take a liking to Auntie Briarlight, and Blossomfall seems to have reflected on their past interactions, trusting her sister to watch her kits. Briarlight teases a bit, a subtle way of telling her not to rush things, but they do begin to feel like something close to sisters.

- Right before Briarlight’s Nieces and Nephews are made warriors Longtail dies of Greencough. Throughout the entirety of his sickness he kept his sense of humour, his mean streak, and his immense love for what he had made of his clan.

- At his vigil Grassspirit began whaling like a bird in new-leaf, he insists that the vigil is too sad, and that Longtail wouldn’t want everyone moping around, for Starclan’s sake, his life was good. Standing amongst them, Longtail’s spirit can feel every cat in Thunderclan standing around him, singing the song of a life well lived.

[mrcspectr]

do you think it could be in the realm of possibility that Marc and Elias Spector could reconcile?

i mean, i am well aware Elias indirectly contributed to Marc’s abuse by not putting a stop to Wendy, but we can see that he tried to some degree to lessen the impact of Wendy’s abuse, if that makes sense?

idk, it’s just that i have mixed feelings about him and kinda think that maybe Wendy’s alcoholism also affected him in some way?

who knows, i’m just a dumb dumb with internet access and too much free time in her hands

No no no, not a dumb dumb at all. The way I've always sort of viewed it is this; I'm incredibly angry with him as a father, but I also hurt for him as a husband and as an individual.

It's a complicated situation, and I won't pretend to know what it would've been like for him as a father who lost a son, and in the aftermath of that, needed to learn to navigate a grief stricken wife struggling through the throws of alcoholism, who turned to anger and abuse as an outlet for her pain. And on top of that, learning to care for a traumatized, mentally ill child, diagnosed with a disorder that still held a lot of unknowns for him and was something that people viewed being broken.

Marc is someone he loved who'd been hurt, who continues to be hurt by someone he'd considered the love of his life, his wife who'd been replaced by a monster. And who are we to say that she never turned that anger back on him, hurt him in similar ways to how Marc had been hurt? Someone that promised to build a life with him, years ago, now hell bent on destroying it? He wants to love them, he wants to have empathy, he wants to shield them from each other in the same home they'd created together, that the boys grew up in. He had hope.

It's a lot for anyone to deal with, and he very clearly made.. many mistakes. I would make mistakes, and hope can be deceiving. Sometimes you can have hope for something that's simply too far gone. Unfortunately, a hard lesson to learn is that you have to acknowledge how the choices you made affected your circumstances, even if they were well intentioned, and even if it was the only option you felt you had. Elias tried. He very easily could've wallowed in his own grief, taken the route alongside Wendy of blaming Marc, of shying away from him, but he didn't. He still celebrated birthdays, he still called out to him as Marc was leaving. He still had love for him, and his heart still broke for him. But it wasn't enough.

Something I'd find interesting in the future is the idea that maybe Steven opens Marc up to the possibility of reaching out to his father. It doesn't even necessarily need to be to reconcile, maybe just.. to have a conversation. Because the only conversation they've had since he was a teenager was over the phone, when Elias told him Wendy was gone. Marc would probably think he has nothing to say, but Steven has an awful lot. Steven would want to understand. Steven might even want to know the only parent he has left.

He wouldn't push it if it were in any way damaging to Marc's emotional wellbeing. And if it did happen, it would be.. messy. But nobody sees Marc quite like Steven does, and if it were something that might help Marc get better.. it's a possibility.