#anyone fancy a punt

[jessieren]

I may have peaked too soon with my early slide into HNW and have to backtrack us into partially naked Wednesday.

But as we all know, with Evans the level of nakedness and the level of hotness are often at odds...

As these photos prove

Now with bonus crouching...

Photos from Simply Oxford by Nasir Hamad

[mattypattypinky]

GrapeJuice / Minoru Mineta Romantic Headcannons! 🍇🧃

- Because NO ONE ASKED but I wanted to do it. <3

ALSO, 18+ TOPICS AND THEMES MENTIONED. Not in excessive detail as I do not write NSFW here, but yk.

(It's Minoru, OF COURSE THEY'RE MENTIONED...he's a perve, c'mon.)

🍇 Okay so first of all, if you liked him first, he'd be super confused and surprised about it. He's known as the class-creep, and even though he's gotten better over the chapters/series, his actions still follow him to this day.

🧃 He'd probably not know what to do with himself. I mean, he's wanted action for years now, but, actually getting it? I mean, even if it's just romantic - He never expected someone to like him like that. Usually people look past his personality, (yes he has one) because of his pervy actions he had done in his past.

🍇 If you were in 1A and you liked him, most of the other students would have mixed feelings about it. On one point, they're happy that Mineta finally has someone to keep him distracted from the girls of the class, but on the other hand, - Blink twice if you're being held hostage. No one is against punting him.

🧃 Certain students would be horrified and concerned for you while others would just be happy for Mineta. Ex - Kaminari would be so happy his little buddy finally has someone.

🍇 I think if he was in an actual relationship with someone, he'd actually try at being a decent partner. I mean, he's finally got a chance, he's not going to fuck it up.

🧃 He'd be a nervous wreck, and worry to upset you. He might end up agreeing with things you say, or your opinions - just to seem more likeable, since... He doesn't really think he is likeable.

🍇 He'd do things like remember anniversaries, and birthdays, and valentines day. Though they are the bare minimum he'd put a lot of effort into remembering them, and celebrating them with you.

🧃 He's also a scaredy cat, and depending on when you get together with him, he may be more so. (I mean, later on he gets a little more brave, but if you date him during the first few chapters, he'd probably hide behind you a lot during serious situations.)

🍇 Though, even if he is a scaredy cat, if time needed, he would be brave for you. He'd put everything aside, as Mineta is very caring and loyal to those he loves, and would be willing to let go of his own quirk or safety if it meant protecting you.

🧃 I feel like HIS ideal date would be going to his dorm, and watching movies or playing games, or spending time somewhere not too fancy, but not too boring - Like a mall, or a park.

🍇 Also he'd like to listen to music with you, but his music taste is... Questionable. I feel it would mostly be songs you shouldn't listen to around parents or teachers. If you catch the drift. Stuff like Ayesha Erotica songs, or CPR...

🧃 If he was dating you, and you're monogamous, he would immediately stop looking at and talking about anyone else. (Or, at least try too... He's Mineta. I think that's a very hard ask of him, but he'd try, and that's the sweetest part about it.)

🍇 All of a sudden he's not as weird to the girls. (He's like, leashed on his lover.) But that doesn't mean he won't be weird about you.

🧃 If you were uncomfortable with it he'd try to filter himself, but if you weren't, he would NOT filter himself, and he'd be very open about his wild thoughts, even in public. He's a little bit embarrassing to be around.

🍇 If you're dating him when he's a pro-hero, and not when you're in UA with him, he'd be embarrassing during TV interviews about you as his partner.

🧃 Also can we talk about his pro-hero form for a second? His little stubble is so cute. He'd ask you if you want it shaved or not, though.

🍇 I've also never been keen on the idea of him getting that large of a growth spurt, as he's around the same age as the other students in class and yet he's around a whopping 3'6(and a half), so I genuinely think he'd only grow to at most around 4 foot.

🧃 also in UA he'd hold onto that half in his height anytime he has to talk about his height in FT ' Inch terms. Like. "oh, yeah, I'm 3'6.. AND A HALF." like the half is so important.

🍇 for one of the worst students in UA / now current pro heroes, I think he would be one of the most loyal. He's shown to be very loyal to his peers and cares deeply about his classmates, so I feel like he'd be a very loyal partner, and take things very seriously.

🧃 He'd yell at someone if they were talking down on you. (... and then run away hiding behind you if it's a scary / tough person, like Katsuki.)

🍇 I think he'd talk so highly of you, and listen to your issues, even if he doesn't understand them. If you're AFAB, he might be a little misogynistic (Unintentionally), ((I mean he says Uraraka is PMS'ing in an episode...)) But I do think he would listen and learn from mistakes if it is instilled in him firmly enough.

🧃 I feel like for things like your birthday, or anniversaries, he'd give you your favorite snack, or draw you something.

🍇 He would also be one of the most cathartic students to shit talk another person with. If someone is pissing you off, he will listen, and match your vibe immediately. Regardless of who it is. (I mean, he might be a little nicer or defensive over Kaminari or Asui, but he'd still match the energy if the thing you're mad about he thinks is warranted.)

🧃 like "Yeah no thats crazy dude. What? He said what? Ugh. Of course he did. His ego's the size of his gauntlets."

I will probably be making more of these at some point also I'm only tagging this w Mineta tags soooo

[weezerfan123]

Do you like any other ships between gen 2 and gen 3 besides Scugar?

No, I haven’t really thought shipping anyone else from those seasons. I do think there’s a lot of fun platonic relationships to come from them though! I’ve seen @tpher post about Topher & Anne Maria besties and. I love it.

I also think— and hear me out— Sugar and Dawn would make good friends. Sugar would be obsessed with Dawn bc of her ability to read auras and vibes or whatever and constantly begs Dawn to tell her about her aura; and Dawn would see that despite Sugar’s evil exterior. shes literally just a silly teenage girl filled with joy and whimsy.

I think Dawn and Ella would get along. I think Scott would hit Rodney over the head with a metal bat and Jo would punt Max like a football. Sugar would pester Mike constantly about when can Svetlana come out again and do her fancy acrobatics!!!

Anyways!! yeah I think theres a lot of fun interactions that could happen between these two seasons

[bidoofenergy]

praise kink jimmy anon (lmao what a name) here just to say I am still thinking about your footballer ranchers au. it bewitches me

(I think they should play football together on an empty field at some point. Just the two of them. Maybe it rains. Maybe the pitch is slippery and the ball is muddy and they’re not even wearing proper shoes and they slip and fall in love and laughter. Maybe jimmy punts the ball too hard and hits tango square in the nose (not for lack of skill but because tango’s shirt was rain slicked and clinging to his chest and oh god tango may not be professional level anymore but it’s clear he still takes care of himself, still plays). Maybe I just want to see bloody nose tango and a frantic Jimmy profusely apologizing and tango switching to his soft sweet gentle tone to say “it’s okay it’s okay Jimmy. I’m okay” and maybe they need to stare into each others eyes and almost kiss and panicky pull back. Maybe I need them to pine and angst about it all night. Jimmy choked with guilt and shame and haunted by the image of rain soaked tango and bloody faced lips parted tango and gently reassuring tango comforting him like a frightened bird.)

Sorry I blacked out again in your inbox — uhhh ranchers yeah.

hi anon this ask fucking haunts me in my dreams. god im just imaging this.... here's my pitch back to you:

it's not an empty pitch, it's nearly an hour after an important match. they made it to semis or something. it's started to rain, just a gentle drizzle, but the team and the crowd are still hyped. and jimmy's still on the pitch, maybe he got a ball boy to let him take a ball, maybe passed it back and forth with the kid just for the hell of it (does he want kids does he want to work with kids god what is he going to do once he retires), until the kid has to run off and he starts juggling the ball to minor applause. and this is when tango walks by, done with the immediate post-match interview but before he has to go back upstairs for the post-match show. and there are cameras for sure but jimmy cant resist the urge to pass the ball to tango, soft and easy cos he's not ready for it. but tango collects it so smoothly, incredible ball control that's all muscle memory, years and years of playing. and without talking, tango and jimmy start passing the ball back and forth. jimmy is exhausted and tango is old (he's 43) so he's being nice, but tango seems to want to make him work for it, kicking just a little too hard, aiming for right outside jimmy's reach. to anyone else he might look out of practice but jimmy is looking dead in his eyes, at the smirk on his face. tango's not out of practice. and yeah the rain's getting jimmy wet but honestly it's hard to tell where the sweat ends and the rainwater begins and his kit is made of the fancy sweatwicking stuff, the kind of fabric that water just beads off of. but tango's polite button-down is slowly soaking through, clinging to his arms and chest and stomach, and the athlete in jimmy starts wondering what his workout routine is but the twink in him is drowning all that out with the horniest thoughts known to man

and that's when he kicks the ball right into tango's face and rushes to apologize, trying to check in wihtout letting his hands linger for too long--and god tango looks so hot with blood on his lip it's just like that photo of him from that one fight he got in that he still refuses to talk about--and oh no people are trying to get a better look at what's happening and they have their phones out--and tango's scruff feels so good under his hands wonder where else it would feel good--and oh shit here comes grian--

jimmy has to make an official tweet to clear everything up. and if after that he scrolls through his mentions to look at a million different angles of him gently cradling tango's face.... that's between him and his screentime

[yonderghostshistories]

Ranking the HFC (Fake) Pythons' hair/haircut/hairstyles out of 10 based on how good or bad they are and(/or) whether they're (the hair, i mean) convincing or not:

(all these rankings are all my personal opinions btw)

(btw i made this post since I don't think I've seen anyone else do this. Also, do let me know you're personal thoughts on this, Python Pals!!)

Tom Fisher as Graham Chapman

8/10, looks kinda nice and is somewhat convincing. However, it still feels like an obvious wig you got from the charity shop/fancy dress shop/wig shop/a wig off eBay or smth. HOWEVER however, it's not TOO bad, so I'll give it a pass. Like, it can definitely pass as genuine, ya'know?

Darren Boyd as John Cleese

8.5/10, honestly, it's not TOO bad, and it's certainly a tad more convincing. I've ranked it a bit high cuz, unlike Tom Fisher Graham's hair, it's not nearly uncanny in that you can tell it's a very obvious fake wig when you think about it for more longer, if that makes sense?

Phil Nichol as Terry Gilliam

2/10, it's so bloody awful and obvious lol 🤣 but fr, the wig is SO obvious and fake. I mean, if they made it a tad 👌 bit longer it would've been fine but uhh this ain't it chief! Like, it's the type of wig you'd see in a low budget parody/online sketch show with a shoe-string budget or something

Steve Punt as Eric Idle

2.5/10, ok so I had a lil bit of trouble trying to rank Steve Punt Eric's hair cuz like, it's certainly *slightly* better than Phil Nichol Terry G.'s hair in a way, but also it's no better either, if that makes sense? Like, I feel like the hair is a bit *too* fluffy in a "fake wiggy wig" type of way, ya'know?

Rufus Jones as Terry Jones

8.7/10, I originally ranked it at 7.8/10, but then I thought about longer, and here's my verdict. honestly, again like Tom Fisher Graham's & Darren Boyd John's wig, it's not *too* bad, like the wig is certainly genuine and somewhat convincing in a way. However, unlike Tom Fisher Graham and Darren Boyd John, I've ranked Rufus Jones Terry J. a bit higher since than, again, I think Rufus Jones Terry J.'s wig is a tad more convincingly floppy and fluffy like the real Jonesy's hair was! Also, it's really nice to look at imo 😊

Charles Edwards as Michael Palin

10/10, it's DEFINITELY convincing and it's fr REALLY NICE!!! It's perfectly smooth and soft and doesn't look too obviously fake. Uhh that it's tbh, it just looks good, like, IT'S GOOD!!! IT'S DEBONAIRINGLY FINE (like Charlie himself lol 🤣)!!!

[wholelottatransbians]

After miruko and katsuki start fighthibg he spinner devolver into chaos with enji being the only one who doesnt initially participate, but then Hawks gives him a drink

He cannot hold his liquour.

And he is a crting drunk

Not really. Rumi has enough common sense to avoid fighting anyone at a fancy party (she can't beat up random teenagers that annoy her, she's not 20 anymore), it's more like when a small dog is trying to intimidate you by loudly yapping their head off, but you know you can easily punt them into another room. She almost finds it cute.

[suchathrilltobeagirl]

“Hi and Good Morning Girlfriend!”

You are exactly 150% correct that Jesus didn’t come to this world in the flesh to judge anyone whatsoever. Jesus’ whole purpose in coming was our, everyone’s, salvation by becoming “our sin” as “His sin” on the cross. That is totally what Jesus’ mission was and what Jesus completely accomplished by taking “my sin” away from me by washing it away by His blood when I obeyed Him in the waters of baptism and being sealed by my Sweet-Sweet Holy Spirit. Faith in God thru Jesus has saved me! I chose the narrow gate that leads to eternal salvation. That is the choice I took being “clothed in Christ”! “Praise be to God Almighty that the blood of Jesus took away God’s wrath and reveals God as my adopted Father and His Son continues walking with me thru my Holy Spirit in dwelling forever within me as One. That no one can ever take away from anyone. Thank you for your heart and spirit Katie!

I will be traveling this weekend with my wife to the mountains of Colorado. We will be gone a week. Seeing God’s marvelous creation. Although I see His marvelous creation in Kansas almost every day as well. I’ve never been to England, although I would love too. What part of England do you live in girl? I praise God for you as I believe He gave you as a beautiful gift of friendship in this relationship of heart and spirit.

Heather Caroline H., “the gal Jesus loves!”

Hope you have a blessed time in the Colorado mountains! I love it there, the serenity, the 'loneliness'! Just bear in mind that, at 5,000 feet, the air is much thinner and oxygen levels reduced. You will tire more easily and you must rest whenever you feel the need to do so. It could also be an age thing!

I live near Cambridge in the south of England, and I love it here. It is much like Boston in that it is a university city, but it has a much longer history, as you can imagine. Cambridge University was established in 1209 (!) and was England's second university behind Oxford, which was established in 1096, 30 years after the Norman conquest and almost 300 years before England colonised the New World (aka America!)...

What you can see in the foreground is a favourite pastime in Cambridge and it is called 'punting', pushing a long narrow boat using a pole, bit like Venice but less stressful. If you ever make it over here and fancy having a 'punt', I'd avoid wearing heels - in case you make a hole in the boat, and make sure you do not wear a short dress, else your dignity will be lost should you sit down. I speak from experience on the latter!

Katie xxx

[kennexara]

i hate it when i'm trying to do the things that are supposed to make life better/easier and they. don't. fucking. help.

i know i need a humidifier in winter but i struggle to keep up with cleaning it and hate every fucking second of cleaning it so i got a stupid expensive fancy one with an automated clean cycle and it. doesn't fucking humidify very well. like supposedly it works better in a small space so we'll see if it actually changes the levels in my bedroom tonight but like. i still have to use the other one in the living room and if it wasn't for my cat also being bothered by the dry air i think i'd punt the fucking thing out the window and suffer.

and i did yoga tonight because that's supposed to help everything and the therapist and the psychiatrist are so fucking thrilled i'm managing to stick with yoga halfway regularly vs. the dance game i'd stick with for a couple of weeks and then take a few months break from it every fucking time. except apparently i still need to only do yin yoga and watch in advance to make sure there's no fucking downward dog or warrior poses because it's been a fucking decade and i even had ten pounds of breast tissue removed but i still don't understand how anyone can just 'bring your foot up between your hands' because my body is in the way of bringing my knee up and idk if it's a fat thing or one of those things that has a trick technique that's obvious to everyone but me. also don't understand how nobody else's hands ever start sliding during downward dog. i got a rubber mat and it's better. and by better i mean it takes five seconds before they start sliding instead of one. also not sure i even put my hands down right all my weight goes into my wrist not my fingers and every time i try spread it out my palms lift up and my fingers bend funny so that's not it either and basically i spent the last five minute of the video crying instead of actually relaxing so like. fuck me so much for yoga improving my mood tonight.

[wordsvomit101]

I forgot but here are Byul's voice lines (very late into the trend), there will be a lot of owl noises so I need to translate her hoots.

⋆˚🐾˖° The wayward creation of Solomon. With a forgotten name and a delightful blend of chaos and loyalty. Her imperious temper is so hard to please that she causes mayhem to anyone except Minhyeok but he is sometimes the collateral damage of her decisions.

(=ↀVↀ=) Character Battle Dialogue (with the narrator translation)

First Encounter: "Hoot! Hoot hoot!" ("Hey! You! You're currently responsible for me instead of Minhyeok! You better take good care of me since this Byul is gracing you with my presence!")

Level-Up: 'Hoot hoot! Hoot?" ("Oh, good! My feathers take on a new shimmer, a testament to my burgeoning strength. Quite the spectacle, wouldn't you say?")

Evolve: "Hoot hoot hoot hoot!" ("Yay! I grow even stronger now! I can even punt that large lizard of that snobby bastard to the ground in minutes!")

Ultimate Skill: "Hoot-hoot!" ("Brace yourself! As I slash through this barrier of reality!")

Upon Death: "Hoot... hoo hoo... hoot..." ("Ah, I can see my creator... Don't worry, my remaining magic shall bless you and Minhyeok... I will come back soon...")

Victory 1: "Hoot hoot! Hoot? Hoo..." ("Victory is mine! Did you doubt for even a moment? Silly summoner...")

Victory 2: "Hoot hoot hoot!" ("Another triumph for yours truly! Bow before the unmatched brilliance of this Byul!")

Defeat: "... Hoot? Hoot hoot! Hoo..." ("... Defeat? Unthinkable! I demand a rematch! This was just a minor setback...")

(=ↀVↀ=) Lobby Interaction

"Hoot! Hoot hoo hoo? Hoot!" ("There you are, summoner! Ready to have a hide-and-seek game from those Gehenna's devils that are chasing me?" I know just a perfect spot!")

"Hoot hoot!" ("Summoner! Cease your poking and give me your lap! I want to sleep!")

"Hoot hoo hoo hoo...." ("I want to eat Minhyeok's food, I want to be showered by him, I want to sleep on his pillows. Summoner, I miss him...")

"Hoot hoot! Hoot hoo!" ("That creator of mine, so annoying! Leaving all this mess for me to solve while frolicking off somewhere! I will give his face a scratch of a lifetime once we meet again!")

"Hoo hoot! Hoot hoot" ("Let's go to Tartaros! That Mammon will definitely treat us to something fancy!")

"Hoot! Hoot hoot hoot!" ("Summoner! The glutton drinks my potions! Now he is trying to kidnap and smother me! Help me hide this instance!")

My whb mc/oc

Her name is Byul, my baby, my kinnie, my girly pop, and my hellspawn (affectionate)

She was created by Solomon so he is by definition, her father/mother. She has been to Hell before but after her father disappeared she sort of wanders around on Earth on her own for a long time. Also forgot her original name because it had been so long since anyone call her by the name Solomon gave her.

She met Minhyeok by chance when he was young, he was lost while he was out camping with his family. She found him crying to himself by a tree at night in the woods then both protected and guided him back to his family. She was tricked into being adopted by Minhyeok after being lured by good food.

She is a menace and I love her, the snob that loves you, even when she destroys your shit and eats your food but will protect you with her life on the line without hesitation. Can handle things herself but loves being spoiled, is clever but WILL act dumb if it benefits her.

I should also make a confession. She is my stand-in for MC, her entire being is magic from Solomon (with a little bit of God's help), so she can use magic and is very well-equipped to handle whatever Hell and Heaven can throw at her. No human form (unless April Fool's magic bibbidi bobbidi booing her into having one) so no bam-bam in the ham or boning. But yeah, she is what I want to be, a literal demon- I mean a spoiled cat that can scratch and wreck things however she wants and get away with it, eat whatever she wants, and sleep whenever she wants.

I'm not a big fan of Ra-on/MC's writing in canon, and her personality is like a hot wet noodle. It is also hard for me to actually feel intimate with 95% of the characters (I prefer to watch them without MC in their stories), and I usually just skip the H-scene cause it doesn't make me feel anything or sometimes just outright uncomfortable. So when I don't particularly comfortable with some scene I just imagine my girl Byul there, being her chaotic self and not taking shit from anyone and just living her best life.

[sor-vette]

#12.5 Jungkook and the Meaning of “Oh”

“It’s a refurbished student housing,” you explain as they trail after you like ducks in a row. Even if they don’t understand what you’re saying, they seem to be clinging to every word. Wherever you look there’s always at least one pair of doe eyes staring expectantly back at you a.k.a. what do you do when you open your doors and find a certain retired boyband for some reason wants to move in

▶ type: ot7 x fem! reader (poly)

▶ word count: 5.0k

▶ series’ masterlist

▶ other works

▶ a/n: Looks at pictures of fetus Jungkook *does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes* This will have themes of coming to terms with one's sexuality and a cliffhanger. No fancy picture headers because only 10 photos allowed per post :(

Too many hours to count until move-in (but 2014)

“Weather forecasters warn of a thunderstorm descending upon Seoul and urge citizens to remain home and avoid travelling if possible.”

Jungkook grit his teeth harder and resisted the wind that was trying to propel him across the country, putting all of his 17-year-old body mass against the raging storm. The road was not easy but he had decided to see it through. There was no one around. No one with sanity would venture into such conditions but Jungkook was not just anyone. He had someone’s else's heart in his chest and he had to know why.

When he reaches Daehangno, it’s late in the evening and the wind is accompanied by pelting rain and thunderstorm that cracks right above his head.

He finds the small, neon sign of an eye enclosed in a circle and he punts his entire soul on those doors.

“Just, please, explain to me, please!”

The woman who opens them is greying, wrinkled as a blooming rose but there are many decades behind her eyes, Jungkook even thinks maybe centuries.

He bows, because he’s a polite boy, and spitting out rainwater, he yells over the thunder.

“Please, tell me, I’m not crazy.”

The old woman looks down on him, without pity even though Jungkook looks like a drowned rat, but she recognized him. Even if they never met before, she knows who he is.

“Get in, before you drown,” she puffs and without much objection he scurries in, shaking off his soaked back with books too heavy and too wet to be used, by now. He had run straight from school to Big Hit then to here.

The old lady prepares him a bitter tea, which he gulps down, chasing warmth and sensation in his frozen fingers. He doesn’t know how to say what needs to be said, so he voices his main point of worry.

“This is not my heart,” he points at his chest. It’s thundering again, it causes him pain and he wants it to stop. “Am I correct?”

Her dark eyes glisten in the candlelight of the small shop as rumble rips at the window panes.

“You figured it out, fairly early.”

Jungkook winced after a particularly hard tug. His heart was breaking and he felt so horribly alone.

“Please,” he begged the old lady and something in her demeanour changed, turned more lenient at the sight of his pleas.

She pulled out a stethoscope of all things and wiped black coal on his forehead. He sat obediently, not daring to breathe as she listened to his heart. When she was done, a tired sigh escaped her lips.

“Drink more of this. It should help for a little while,” she mutters more to herself, pushing another cup of the chamomile tea in his direction. He drinks it once more with fervour even though it tastes like a thing rotten. Taking a short gasp, he sits on the chair.

“I’m not losing my mind, right. I’ve got soulmates, right. Namjoon, Jin, Yoongi, Hobi, Tae, Jimin and me. We’re…we’re connected, I’m right, am I? Please, tell me I’m right.”

He felt like some sort of freak thinking this but he couldn’t shake it off. He has no idea where the belief came from but it was rooted within him so deep, he couldn’t rid himself of it.

The old woman swirled her own tea around the cup with a disinterested expression.

“How did you know?”

“I don’t know how I know! I just…I just need to hear that it’s right and I’m not some sort of sick person for thinking it.”

“You’re not sick, Jeon Jungkook. Though you’re much more open-minded more than your friends.”

The world collapsed on his shoulders.

Oh.

“They…they know?”

She hummed in retaliation, grimacing sourly.

“They laughed at me for saying it. Can you imagine being laughed at by kids who haven’t lived even the eighth that you have?”

He sags further down.

“I presume it was annoying,” he mumbles appeasingly.

“It’s infuriating!” the woman interrupts, slamming her hand down.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Jungkook curls up on the sofa, fireplace crackling in front of him, chamomile tea in hand. He was sitting in quiet, though he often did not prefer it. Quiet was thinking, thinking was getting lost and getting lost meant being overwhelmed. His worst fear was being overwhelmed, trumping his fear of failure. Failure could be avenged, but being overwhelmed meant drowning underneath a vast wave of helplessness and when he was helpless he couldn’t protect what he needed to. He took a sip and winced at the taste, nevertheless, relaxing in the washing calm of his heart rate slowing down.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Come on, closer,” the old woman beckoned at him and, dubiously peering at her, Jungkook did shuffle closer. In front of him, there was a plate, a clay slab. Undecorated, coarse, it didn’t look more than a child’s cursory attempt at pottery. It stood on the table in front of the woman under which she was rifling through a brown bag. Sounds of clinking glassware travelled from her searching.

“Ah, there it is,” she breathed out in victory a few moments after.

The thunder was nearly ripping the windows from their place but in the small, overcrowded space no one seemed to care.

In her hands, there was a slender, glass bottle, filled to the brim with what appeared colourless substance, though Jungkook could swear that in the faint yellow lightning of the overhanging lamp it had a faint nacreous glow.

Underneath Jungkook’s widened eyes, she proceeded to pour the liquid onto the slab but instead of merely wetting the object, it began to divulge into eight different paths, twinkling so bright they cast water-like reflection upon his rain-soaked face.

Oh!

“Is this…is this magic?” he gasped and the old woman sized him with an impassive glance.

“It’s whatever you want it to be or whatever you’ll remember it in the future.”

Instinctively he knew that there was a reason for why there were eight paths. They began separately and then one by one merged together, creating a glimmering river from the small, independent brooks. He smiled at it as though he was witnessing the birth of something splendid.

“This is what a soulmate is?” he asked her, voice shaking but joyous. His cheeks were sore from the width of his grin but he couldn’t help it, even if he didn’t quite understand what he was seeing.

“This is what fate is, Jeon Jungkook,” she replied, though her voice didn’t just hold as much happiness as Jungkook did, it held none at all. She seemed almost grimly resolute.

Suddenly one of the streams broke away from the liquid, travelling to the far edge of the table, twinkling away like a flickering candle for a short while before disappearing. Then another one broke off and was extinguished just as fast, then another one and another, and another, some going to the farsides of their allowed space, some clinging near but in the end, they all extinguished and what remained in their wake was a small singular stream, pounding weakly as it moved forward and then ultimately stopped rolling and there was no light left to see.

“No, no, no! Bring them back!” he demanded, feeling very frightful of the emptied tablet but the woman corked the bottle shut and stuffed it back into the bag.

“I can’t bring them back. This is what you decided,” she proceeded to sit down, groaning from the tired ache of standing up for too long.

Jungkook’s eyes began to feel entirely too wet.

“I didn’t decide! I didn’t get to decide! Explain what you showed me!”

His mother would slap him for yelling at an elder like that. His eyes shone with trepidation but at this point he was years away from being a walking powerhouse and standing here, trying not to cry and quivering from cold, he didn’t inspire much fear. Least of all in himself.

“I just told you, it’s fate. I informed your friends of what they should do and they rejected it and now fate is taking a different turn.”

Oh.

Oh, no.

“Because they rejected this,” he thumped the flat of his hand against his chest, not knowing whether it meant the rejection of the unified path or the eighth one, “this is what’s going to happen?”

“Yep. Fate is not as absolute as one thinks. People have free will to flourish or destroy it and you’ve chosen to destroy it.”

“But I didn’t choose anything!” he opposed starting off strong and decided, like a proud lion cub but somewhere in the middle, he began to grasp the injustice of it all and that reduced him to sobs.

“Are you actually crying?” she asked him dryly and Jungkook, sniffling and hiccuping, obstinately insisted that no. He immediately of course began to cry harder.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It’s six in the evening and the radiators sprinkled throughout the apartment have started to heat up the air for the night but Jungkook is still thinking. He’s preparing scenarios for what to say when you walk through the doors but there’s nothing that seems to fit. Empty sentiments and reassurances, apologies that you would not believe in. He didn’t fault you for not believing, had he not seen what he’d seen, he would discard everything too.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Too many hours to count but still one hour closer to move in (still 2014)

It takes several long minutes of Jungkook wiping the snot away with the sleeve of his school uniform. He marginally regrets pressuring his manager to divulge where the guys had gone to last year that made them act so strange.

“But I still have this? It must mean something,” he mumbled weakly and the woman poured him the third cup of tea. It smelt just as acrid as the first but in his blooming misery, he couldn’t comprehend objecting against the old lady.

“It means you’re an empath,” she tapped one of her heavy ringed fingers against the table, relaxing deeper into the plush seat. “ You have a gift and you’ve given your heart across the ocean. The only thing it means is that you offer your love too freely.”

“Stop saying that,” he wheezes, clawing at his reddened eyes. His head was beginning to throb and it was difficult to breathe as mucus travelled down his throat with every gulp.

“No, I’m serious! Contrary to popular belief, love does not conquer all. It lives and dies as time wills it. If love could conquer all why do you think tragedy exists,” she said, in a low, tempered voice, “why do you think grief haunts the living? Love is not a weapon we can shield against suffering, it eases the pain of our existence but it can not absolve us from it.”

Jungkook listened to her carefully, deep weariness settling on his shoulders.

“So what? That’s it?! We’re doomed to be alone because of one mistake? One mistake that I didn’t take part in?!”

“I didn’t say fate had to be fair.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

He thinks he’s falling asleep, the walls are tinted with a coat of confusing fog as he lets his neck rest on the plush armguard. He must be falling asleep because there’s a rattle on the door and the faint draft of the hallway between all of the apartments is stretching a scent of your perfume towards his nose.

Oh.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

2+ hours closer to move-in (2014 and onward)

“I’ll protect them,” Jungkook states with broad finality when the storm quiets and it’s safe for him to venture outside, as such he’s no longer welcome in the old woman’s shop. He pins her down with his trademark doggedness, it only increasing when she gives a wry, patronizing smirk.

“How old are you, kid? 15? 16?”

“I’m 17,” he pushes through gritted teeth, walking out the door, still hesitating because he’s yet to prove a point.

“You said people have free will, they can choose to destroy their lives or flourish them. I choose to fix it then! I will use this gift for good.”

“Gifts can be useless. Have you never received too many socks for Christmas?"

He, in fact, hadn't and it shows on his face. The woman pushes further with the same derision.

"You against fate? Good luck with that.”

“Just you see,” he vows and leaves the unwelcome door space.

“Above cups and hearts and vases made of glass, the one most often broken is a promise.”

Jungkook remembers reading it. Or more accurately, Namjoon was reading it and the phrase stood out to Jungkook when he ripped the book away from their leader’s hands to whine about how he needed a sparring partner.

A promise was a nice word for the obsession that Jungkook grew ill with - the mindless desire to protect.

He had it ever since he’d been smacked on the ass, fresh out of his mother. It didn’t make much sense and over time they regarded it as just his thing - an innate characteristic that was just there. A Jungkook for a Jungkook if that made any sense.

His father at times teased him for being a bit doglike, all in good nature and Jungkook never took offence to it. He liked dogs. Dogs guarded, dogs were reliable, dogs could take joy in simple things that people more often than not forgot to do.

For Jungkook fear and drive were so intrinsically connected they couldn’t be parted. His fear of losing a toy, a friend, a soulmate walked hand in hand with his desire to protect it or rather them. So naturally, naturally for him mind you, he beefed up. It was a little thing but it was a start. If he could protect them physically from harm, he’d wander upon the path of how to protect them emotionally. Right?

….or wrong. Because his soulmates were absolute tools.

Jungkook loved and adored them with all his heart but they had to be a group of the densest people on the planet. He never abandoned them or broke his promise but they made it so difficult. When he asked of what they’d seen or heard in their time in Daehangno that made them act like they conspired to carry a ticking bomb for all remaining time, they shook their head and alternated between their favourite answers - “it’s nothing” and “you’re too young”. Young, he was but he was not stupid. And if Jungkook smacked them a bit too hard on the shoulder or put them in a chokehold for a second too long, it was but a small, temporary relief of the frustration he felt.

Protecting them meant that he had to be strong, no matter what, he would be their guard, their wall and their fortress. As he grew older and the mass of challenges increased, he, with only added frustration, understood that their strong wall not always was needed in physical form. There was strength in comfort, in allowing them to lie that the affection was because “he was the youngest”.

“You’re the youngest that’s why I’m giving and receiving flowers with such grace.”

“You’re the youngest that’s why I’m kissing you on the forehead and allowing you to do the same”.

There was strength in him staying with Yoongi, quietly sitting by as he worked through a piece that was troubling for weeks, there was strength in knowing how to pacify Jimin’s tears when he wound himself up so tight it felt like he had a noose around his neck, strength in cheering up Hoseok, in playfully bullying Jin to distract him, in supporting Namjoon and never letting him forget the kindness that poured out of him, in hugging Taehyung in the open, uncaring of what people thought.

It was strength and obstinance and bravery to be Jeon Jungkook and to continue being him every day. For him bravery was like a muscle he could exercise and he did so often. He got tattoos without permission, he cut his own hair, he did what he wanted even if it meant to rebel against soulmate’s wishes. It signified getting himself up, sometimes getting picked up after he stumbled and fell. Love, in the end, was bravery. To love was as scary as it was to be loved back. But he did it.

His memories grew fainter and voices grew muddier but he knows what he saw that stormy day. He knows the future they will hold if he’s not brave. Occasionally, the realization that he was the only one who knew of what their choice did to their futures burdened him so much he ended up screaming in the bathroom stall but as sure as the next sunrise would be, he wiped the tears off, washed his face and set back to work, diligent, stubborn and unswayed. He will do the impossible to save them from an unfair fate.

It’s all worth it though. The moments spent laughing, feeling safe and content win over the turmoil of worry and fear. He remembers the bright pool of the joined light. In the face of it, this was but a short detour, a small climb up the mountain to see the sun’s warming cheek.

“Oh, god, it smells so vile,” Jin cried as he took a whiff of Jungkook’s chamomile tea. It’s nighttime and they were still filming. This day was a hard one, not for him, but for the Other. They don't say it who it was, the eighth one, so he calls them "The Other". He’d been feeling his heart race for almost twenty hours now and it didn’t seem to be stopping any time soon. The Other was having a very, very rough day. If only he could protect them, however, he's marooned for now with these six beloved assholes.

“It helps,” he grumbles back, not answering Jin’s follow up question about “for what”. It was perhaps a little bit petty that he never told them what he saw. Though in fairness they never told him about the Other, the holder of his heart as well. It was an eye for an eye sort of thing.

It takes four years for Taehyung to speak of the Other - Her. Lady in red and in a brilliant moment of clarity, lying in Tae's arms, Jungkook grasps everything.

They were incredibly fussy about wearing red, always insisting that maybe there were other choices. Anything but red. Yet when it came to songs, red was everywhere. Whenever anyone asked of where the inspiration came from, to write so acutely about longing and rejection and pining, they could only shrug their shoulders and try to somehow humbly present they were just genius’ of the human heart. A lie, of course, a preposterous lie. Jungkook who’d been watching them skirt around affections and longing with feeble excuses could attest that they were anything but genius'. Whatever the lie might be, the truth remained the same - they longed for a ghost. For a promise that was not yet made and one that Jungkook knew would never live up to the name if they didn’t act.

He and Taehyung are the first to kiss in front of their eyes and while stunted, it wasn’t like they objected. Jimin is next to fall, casting away his fears, maturing and realizing that love wasn’t a far stretched theory or dream in the future, it was right here, he only had to reach out.

“Jungkook?” Hoseok asked as they walked together in Malta, observing the beige stones and starry skies.

“Hmm?”

“You ever thought about, you know, being gay?”

The question is not unfounded but it is surprising to hear it from Hoseok’s mouth. He’s looking away, not knowing how to delicately phrase the matter but Jungkook doesn’t mind.

“I thought about it.”

“And?”

“I don’t care.”

Hoseok stops walking and Jungkook halts a few steps ahead of him.

“You don’t care?” he echoes, incredulously.

Jungkook takes a moment to think and when that moment passes, he gives a soft smile.

“I know for many people it’s important but, for me, I don’t see why I have to justify myself to others,” he ends with a shrug. “Regardless of who I like, I’m Jungkook and no one should care about anything more than that.”

Hoseok examines the pavement, expression forlorn as he bites in his lip.

“You’re very brave aren’t you, Kookie,” he at last whispers.

Jungkook’s grin turns teasing.

“Well, someone has to be."

Hoseok smiles but it’s without mirth.

Oh.

Jungkook can’t help but feel that maybe, in spite of all his guarding, he just said the wrong thing.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Right. The irrevocable part of humans is that you mess up. Be it an interview, a conversation, your entire fate, you mess it up, but you can fix it.

Fix it, is the instinct Jungkook has when he rouses from the haze and realizes that the door rattle is not a dream. You’re home.

You’re home and his heart is glad. Ever since he moved here, his chest stops hurting. He has a theory that he felt you and not everyone else is because they were near, yet you were far. It’s like his heart kept vigil through means beyond the logic, remaining attentive even across the seas.

He gets up, adjusts his sweatpants and shirt, (he began to wear them because winter promises to be absolutely brutal here, though he still leaves three buttons open) walking calmly towards the doors. Again a bit dog-like but he doesn’t take insult.

You’re one step in and he greets you, lowly but kindly. Your face… he remembers the feeling of not being able to breathe. Your face is haunted and above else he wants to hug you, to push all your problems away, to save you but he keeps Gwenell’s advice etched in his brain. He’s not a ram, in this case, he was the woman with the crown, gently stroking the lion until it melted in his touch. He’ll be gentle, he’ll soothe your pain away, bit by bit, day by day. No matter how much you needed his love, which he was not blind to see, you needed love so plainly, you also deserved respect. So he stays away, even if his hands itch and he breaks at the crestfallen sight that's visible in your eyes. He stays away because some healing can only be done in solitude.

“Hey,” you greet him, trying to appear casual but your voice is rough. You’ve been crying and you’ve been worrying. He recalls the twinkling light, breaking away from them and then disappearing mutely into darkness until it was no more. He’ll fix this, don’t you worry, he’ll be your miracle when you let him.

“Hey. Let me take that,” he gently pries the luggage away from your hands and pulls the red suitcase into the living room. This must be the same one the guys saw that night they met and let you go. He’d only heard stories and vague lyrics about this thing. To hold it in his hands was to hold a symbol of you and he can’t help but beam softly despite the fact that he couldn’t hold you yet. Your symbols, for now, would suffice. Jungkook was greedy but he was not ungrateful.

“Did the conference go well?” he asks, turning around as you unhook the shawl from your neck. Your gaze is flitting around the room, spotting only the fireplace and nothing more.

“It was…” you trail off, unsurprisingly not giving an answer. “Is anyone else here?”

“No,” Jungkook shakes his head. “Jin has class and they is... are still at work.”

“I see,” you drawl awkwardly. You give Jungkook a curious glance, examining him like he had changed his hair.

“Is something wrong?” he asks gently, sitting down on the sofa, hoping you’d sit next to him.

You don’t.

“You look different?” you question, a frown of worry creasing your forehead.

You, however, looked just like that day.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

13 hours until move-in

Oh! Oh! Here you are!

Jungkook feels like a seeker who's found the most diligent of players in Hide and Seek.

He doesn’t know you. But you must be the one, the holder of his heart, his Other. He feels as though he’ll throw up from nerves but at long last, his heart calms without the help of tea. He can’t feel you anymore but he can see you. You’re holding your phone and you’re frowning at it. Instantly, Jungkook wants to know what you’re reading, what’s making you so upset. You should never feel upset.

The guys are still sleeping back in the hotel. They haven’t slept on a bed for so long, everyone passed out like the dead once hitting the pillow but Jungkook couldn’t stop this fluttering in his chest. It’s like his every nerve was rhythmically going Oh! Oh! Oh! so he wandered out for some calming beverage.

This has to be fate. Or if not, then it was his doing. His gift was not useless. He rips open the doors to the cafe and is hit with the smell of pastries and coffee. He’s hungry but he doesn’t register it because Oh! Oh! Oh! You’re here!

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Yes, you’re here and Jungkook doesn’t know what to say.

“I just…had a…realization,” he explains and you leave him at that.

He looks you over and steps one daunting, but a brave step forward. Love is about bravery. Bravery, strength and obstinance. The Jungkook.

“What happened with Hoseok…”

“Is I think none of your business,” you bite back, defensively.

He nods along and lets the scorn pass over his head. It’s in the lion’s nature to roar and bite people, he knows that now.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

12 hours 57 minutes until move-in.

He can’t hear what the cashier is saying, he’s just saying yes. She offers him food and he keeps saying yes, not averting his eyes away from you. He can say hi, can’t he? Okay, so he smells and his hair’s a bit dirty and his clothes are a bit rumpled. You try living on the road for seven months and not be a little bumped over. But you shouldn’t mind. You don’t look like the sort of person who would.

He as subtly as possible leans in to smell himself and gives a quick glance around for any pharmacy or anywhere they would sell deodorant.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“It’s none of my business, but he’s very sorry for hurting you,” Jungkook gently continues and you shrug but your eyes say it all. You’re like him in that aspect, your eyes told or maybe he knew because your heart was sometimes in his chest. As gruesome as it sounded, he knew you intimately.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

12 hours 55 minutes until move-in

You’re getting up. You’re walking. Oh, oh, oh! You’re walking away. You mustn’t walk away! You can’t! They just found you, he just found you! What if you’d glimmer out at this very moment?!

His mouth keeps saying yes. The sum for his absentmindedness begins to soar in triple numbers but he pays it no attention. You’re leaving and he’s stammering by the counter like a dog on a leash. Say something, just say anything. Hi! You know how to say hi!

He can only gape and smell in your perfume when you walk past him. He even thinks that you give him a glance, a frowning glare as to why he was just standing here, smelling air like a weirdo.

Oh! Oh.

Oh…

You’re gone.

He smacks down into the hotel room, knees bending underneath the bags of takeout. It’s more than enough to feed fifty people.

Give them three hours and they’ll be done.

“I FOUND HER!” he yells, rousing them awake from the dead.

Namjoon lifts his dishevelled head from the crook of Yoongi's elbow, barely making out the shivering form of their youngest.

“What d’you mean…” he mumbles incoherently and Jungkook drops down the mountain of bags upon Jin’s sleeping figure, effectively burying him.

“I FOUND HER!” he repeats, capturing Namjoon’s cheeks in his palms.

His face is so close he can only make out the small spots of lighter brown in his irises. Years ago he would have wrenched away but for Jungkook’s sanity, Namjoon has resigned to their fate and Jungkook likes to think their stream was growing brighter by the day.

“I FOUND HER!”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Yes, he’d found you. Against all odds, he’d found you and he’d make sure you didn’t twinkle out all alone. You’d be behind his wall, his fortress, his guard.

So he’s brave and he takes in a breath, to pop the bubble, the ballon, the truth that they hid.

“Hey, _________, what do you think of soulm-”

Ringing.

He grits his teeth, jaw clamping shut.

Did your phone really have to ring, right now? Was his life a bad TV show?!

It’s still ringing and you’re looking at it with…softness? You didn’t look upon anyone calling you like that? You hated phone calls. You made so sure that they only ever texted you.

Jungkook sees greedy racoons, with their greedy paws taking away his precious pentacle.

You answer the phone, giving Jungkook a peculiar glance when you notice his fists clench. He doesn’t want to frighten you so he lets them loose.

Gentle. Patient. Not aggressive.

You’re Jungkook, not a ram, he reminds himself.

“Hey. Did you land?” you speak.

Land? Someone was flying over? From where? From New York? Did you meet an acquaintance in New York?

Jungkook discreetly inches forward, pretending that he’s not at all listening in. He can’t hear anything though, the volume of your phone is too low for him to make sense of the person on the other line.

“Yes, tomorrow, at 10. I sent an e-mail so they should know you’re coming.”

Who? Who was coming?

You huff but it’s not annoyed. Your behaviour is not making any sense.

What happened? Why hadn't you been able to breathe? Why did you feel empty? Who was talking on the other side? Who had the attention of the holder of his heart?

“Okay, I got it. Yes. Okay. Bye, Jae.”

Oh.

previous ⟷ next

a/n: Either you love it or hate it, I'm *runs away*

[archived-kin]

simeon with a himbo boyfriend

note from kin: once again i am writing for the boys because this fandom doesn’t have nearly enough content for them, especially for Big and Beefy Men. let them be in dating sim fandoms too!!!!!! give them more content!!!!!

anyway i’ve made you an angel since i don’t want to have to think about the deeper repercussions of what simeon dating a human would be (i mean we all know what happened to lilith when she tried it)

fandom: obey me!

character(s): male!reader, simeon, luke, belphegor, beelzebub, asmodeus, satan, leviathan, mammon, lucifer, barbatos, diavolo, solomon

pairing(s): simeon/reader but it accidentally becomes everyone/simeon’s boyfriend at some point whoops (this ended up as a pretty big block of text as a result so please let me know if you have difficulty reading it so that i can try to format it better!)

warning(s): nope!

genre: fluff!!!! fluff everywhere!!!!!!!!!

simeon thinks you’re the cutest goddamn thing in all three realms

you may be six foot four inches of muscle but to him that is six foot four inches of ADORABLE

you’re very strong so he likes to just run and jump up at you from behind and wrap his arms around your neck because he knows you won’t be fazed by it (physically anyways, emotionally is another story)

the other angels always gasp when he does this in public because it’s so far from his usual ‘poised and elegant’ thing but how is simeon NOT supposed to climb all over you like a koala when you’re so big and huggable???

simeon just really loves jumping at you like that okay

because every time he does you’ll just pause for a second and look very confused as to why your back has suddenly gotten heavier, and then you’ll turn your head, and your smile and excited little ‘simeon!!’ is to DIE for

he has to be incredibly upfront with you about what he wants because otherwise you will not understand

he has to say, word for word, “i want to sleep in the same bed as you every day” before you actually realise that that’s what he meant

the whole exchange kind of went like this:

simeon, being sappy at like seven in the morning: “i want to wake up like this all the time from now on”

you: “??? do you want me to come lie down next to you before you wake up tomorrow morning?”

simeon: “no, for the whole night”

you: “you want to wake up like this for the whole night??”

simeon: [sighs]

he also often has to be the one taking charge when it comes to physical affection  

like you’re always willing to give him hugs and carry him around and let him sleep sprawled out on your chest like a starfish and give him kisses but half the time simeon has to ask you because for some reason you just won’t do it on your own???

at one point simeon starts getting a little insecure that you don’t actually really like physical affection and are just going along with it for him

because he’s a sensible angel, he brings this up with you before jumping to conclusions

he was not prepared for you to reply that you always wait for him to confirm that he wants affection because you’re afraid that you’ll accidentally hurt him with your strength if you go for it by yourself

simeon doesn’t cry a lot but dear god did he come close that day

after that it’s just hand holding and hugs and forehead kisses galore from you and simeon couldn’t be happier

now, it’s time for a bit of backstory

you were created purely to fight during the big celestial war, which is why you are so Beefy and Stupid

the beefy is because they needed you to be both strong and intimidating, while the stupid is because they didn’t create you with anything but fist fighting in mind

during the war you were a force to be reckoned with because you could just run at and headbutt a demon and they’d immediately be flung straight out of the skies and back into the devildom

and, even better, this meant that you didn’t have to kill anyone! you could just punt them so hard that they’d be flung out of the realm where the battle’s taking place entirely

once the war was over though they didn’t really know what to do with you

you were basically just this giant baby who didn’t know how to do anything but war

so they just dumped you in a garden and told you to take care of the flowers

which was how simeon originally met you! he was taking a walk around the gardens and saw you crying over a tree that you accidentally snapped in half with your big clumsy hands

now, simeon wasn’t one to believe in love at first sight, but HOLY FUCK

if he hadn’t already been an angel in the celestial realm he’d have thought you were some divine being from the heavens

anyway long story short simeon consoled you and started helping you take care of the garden, taught you how to live a life in times of peace, spent entire nights just lying awake and thinking about your smile and your laugh and how warm your hands look to hold and how it would feel to hug you, and finally managed to confess to you without you misconstruing it as just a Friendly Act of Kindness, and now you two are the proud holders of the title Cutest Couple in The Universe

granted only asmo calls you two that but you’ll take it

speaking of asmo allow me to segue this to the rad exchange programme era

you get so sad when simeon tells you he’ll have to leave for a year

your face falls when he breaks the news and your voice is all lost and quiet when you ask, ‘does that mean i can’t see you?’

simeon is absolutely devastated

it’s like a thousand puppies and kittens are being murdered right in front of him

he nearly cries (when i say nearly i mean he does)

but he can’t back out of the exchange program now, and one year isn’t THAT much for beings that live for possibly forever, so in the end, giving you a giant hug and about a million kisses to make up for the ones you’ll miss over the coming year, simeon leaves for the devildom

he makes it about a month and a half without you before he starts getting all mopey

and you’re not doing much better up in the celestial realm

michael actually has to message simeon and ask him how to deal with you because you spend every day dejectedly shuffling around the gardens that you take care of and it’s making everyone sad just looking at you

simeon reads that message and immediately decides that either he’s going back to the celestial realm or you’re coming down to the devildom

the authorities are a little cautious about it because you’re one of the purest angels they have and they really don’t want you getting corrupted by demons

but simeon assures them that the few demons that you’ll actually be having contact with wouldn’t do that, and you’ll be under both his and lord diavolo’s protection

so you end up being allowed to join simeon in the devildom for his exchange year!!!

honestly with the way the two of you react when you see each other again you’d think you hadn’t seen each other in years

simeon runs up to you and jumps straight into your arms and you spin him around in a big hug and ahhhhhhhh it’s like a teen romance movie but with an actually compelling relationship

and so you move into his bedroom (because of course you’re still going to share one down here) and take up a temporary position as a gardener to take up time since you can’t really do school

pros: simeon now gets to see you every day again and you look very cute bustling around the devildom’s fancy gardens with a watering can and wheelbarrow. also he gets to watch you lift an entire shed and it’s the best thing he’s ever seen

cons: the others are all basically in love with you now as well

simeon’s torn between ‘why wouldn’t they be, he’s literally the most perfect being ever’ and ‘what the fuck, that’s MY boyfriend’

belphie likes you because you are similar to beel and you’re also warm and big and strong so he can take naps on you and you won’t be bothered in the slightest

one day simeon sees belphie just jump onto your back and start sleeping there while you’re crouched in the garden doing some weeding and he’s so stunned by the sheer audacity that he forgets to be mad about it

honestly you don’t really notice that belphie is sleeping on you until you go to get up and feel something move on your back

and then, being the dumb precious idiot you are, you just lie face first there on the lawn so that he can carry on sleeping without being disturbed

consequence: simeon nearly cries at your sweetness but is also incredibly jealous and belphie is now having Feelings that he didn’t sign up for

beel meanwhile isn’t sure how to feel about you at first because he kind of feels like you’re stealing his twin all the time, but then you make him your special candied fruits (from produce that you grew yourself) and he loves you from that point forward

also PLEASE share your workout routine with him he wants to know your secret

it turns out that you don’t really have a workout routine?? you were just made like that

though the constant exercise and heavy lifting and stuff you do as part of your daily garden-care routine (you take care of basically all of the gardens back in the celestial realm) helps as well

he’s a bit disappointed but he does like that you can pick him up without any effort

one time he asked if you were capable of it and without missing a beat you went ‘let’s find out!’ and straight up swept him off his feet

beel was fucking screaming on the inside but no can’t feel feelings that’s simeon’s boyfriend

meanwhile asmo… okay we all know the way asmo is

boy took one look at you and immediately started drooling (figuratively anyway. physically his jaw just dropped)

kudos to him though, he backs off with the flirting as soon as simeon informs everyone that you’re his partner

asmo may be the avatar of lust but he is no home wrecker (he still finds an excuse to hug you every time he sees you though because awooga, muscles)

(he does know his boundaries so simeon doesn’t mind too much)

asmo also very likes the fact that you have such a green thumb because it means you can grow the prettiest flowers and you’re always willing to trim him a few to use as accessories

at some point simeon accidentally eavesdrops in on a conversation between the two of you where you’re just gushing about what kind of flowers he likes and how you’re going to plant them everywhere in the devildom because you like it when he smiles when he sees them

CRITICAL HIT!!!!!

simeon is pretty sure he combusts on the spot, while asmo is just squealing

thus was the origin of the title ‘Cutest Couple in the Universe’

satan on the other hand is mostly disinterested in you at first

the two of you live in pretty different worlds even if you live within the a five minutes’ walk of each other. he prefers to stay locked up in his room or the library and just curl up with a good book or ten for hours on end, while you’re always outside, digging flower beds and pruning bushes and cleaning fences and walls and basically doing every other little bit of manual labour that none of the brothers could be bothered to do before

he does note that you’re pretty good at what you do but that’s about it

until one day

you’re just pottering about in the garden outside the house of lamentation doing your angelic gardener thing when the stray cat that satan’s secretly been feeding for the past month or so comes by for its usual afternoon meal

satan has the window overlooking the garden so he quickly spots its ginger fur as well as you staring directly at it, and he immediately panics because what if you scare it away with your intimidating stature???

(yes, part of the reason satan doesn’t acknowledge you before this is because he was kind of scared of you and your muscles that he heard could punt beings out of entire realms back in your hey-day)

so he quickly dumps his book (though not without carefully bookmarking his place first) and rushes down to the garden in hopes of salvaging the situation, only to find you lying face first on the grass once again, though this time it’s not his little brother on your back

it’s the cat, who is purring like a little motor and aggressively kneading its paws against your back

satan can’t even see your face in this moment but he still basically gets cupid-shot in the heart because this is the cutest thing he’s ever seen

he has to force himself to calm down for a bit before he approaches lest he get overexcited and accidentally incur simeon’s wrath in the process

anyway after that satan makes a beeline for you every time he sees you and learns that you are an Absolute Idiot, but it just makes him like you even more

if satan was intimidated by you at first though, levi is downright terrified

you look like you could snap him in half with a single punch

he doesn’t try to talk to you at all for the first few weeks because how could he possibly find common ground to talk to you about?? you probably hunt dragons and eat rocks or something in your spare time

it isn’t until satan brings you up one day and mentions that you are incredibly dumb of the ass and probably couldn’t hurt a fly even if you tried that levi even entertains the idea of befriending you

he’s still not making the first move though

but it turns out that he doesn’t have to! one day you just show up at his bedroom door holding a giant crate of his latest akuzon haul

turns it got dropped off at the local post office after traffic problems and you volunteered to go pick it up and bring it back

anyway levi thanks you and starts unpacking his stuff, expecting you to leave in silence, but then he looks over and sees you just standing in front of his tv and staring at it

he’d been playing some battle platformer to pass the time before you showed up, and while levi himself doesn’t consider it particularly remarkable, you’re absolutely fascinated

being a gardener in the celestial realm you’ve never really had experience with this kind of thing, and you’re even more tech-illiterate than simeon, so what you’re seeing is basically like magic to you

so levi takes it upon himself to teach you as much about the art of gaming as he can in the short span of the next four hours before simeon gets home from a meeting of some kind and you inevitably immediately run off to greet him

you learn the basics relatively quickly but you’re still pretty awful at it

levi loses count of the amount of times you’ve accidentally run right off the end of the platform and fallen to your death once it reaches thirty two

it’s pretty much the most he’s laughed in, like, forever

congratulations! you have gained a new member in your party! levi will now follow you to the ends of the earth because you are the first person he feels like he can just be totally at ease around without being judged at all and just have fun with

(once, after you leave another gaming session to go cuddle with your boyfriend in the garden, levi catches himself thinking that ‘it isn’t fair that simeon gets to date him’ and has to do some serious self assessment)

mammon meanwhile has none of the reverence for you that his brother does

the amount of times he’s tried to rope you into his money-making schemes (which never work because he fails to realise that you are incapable of doing anything malicious in the slightest) is honestly just embarrassing at this point

simeon has to step in more than a couple of times because honestly mammon could ask you for your wallet and you’d probably just give it to him without another thought

that being said your wallet wouldn’t be much use because you never have any money

you just don’t understand the concept of exchanging money for goods and/or services so you never see any need for it

that being said, simeon does give you some money every time you go out into town on your own because something will inevitably catch your eye and you’ll suddenly realise that you just cannot live without it

the thing is simeon spoils you ridiculously so he always gives you way more money than would be considered a reasonable allowance

which means all mammon has to do is tag along and ask you nicely and you’ll probably buy him anything he wants

he does this a couple of times but then stops because he actually starts feeling bad about it

something just doesn’t sit right with him when he’s walking around with a bunch of shiny new things you’ve bought him with money that was meant to be spent on you while the only thing you’ve bought of your own volition is a pack of chocolate lollipops shaped like rabbits to share with simeon and luke

he may be the demonic avatar of greed but even he has a line that he won’t cross

he makes up for it by buying you things instead

nothing too expensive (he’s still mammon after all), just little things like sweets or bulbs for flowers you haven’t tried planting yet or food colouring for you to use for your candied fruits

speaking of those candied fruits, guess who loves and would probably kill a man for them?

lucifer

man may not seem like it but he has a hell of a sweet tooth

there was a bit of tension between the two of you when you first met (well there was tension from lucifer anyway) because he’d never met you like he had simeon and luke and had no idea what you were like

plus he’d heard about how you’re everyone’s favourite now back in the celestial realm and the little piece of him that still misses his life as an angel is a little petty about it

but then he interacts with you more and he realises that that favouritism is absolutely deserved

he will not admit it but he has wondered what being carried by you would feel like on multiple occasions

figures out how to read you really well which isn’t much of an achievement when you wear every single feeling you have on your sleeve but it still brings him a bit of satisfaction when he notices something that simeon doesn’t

he may be a pridey mcprideface but he is willing to give up a bit of that pride by pretending he can’t carry something heavy so that he can watch you do it

simeon acts like he doesn’t notice this but he absolutely does and he doesn’t know if he should tease lucifer about it or whack him over the head with a newspaper for it

all that aside though, much like simeon,  lucifer also thinks you’re just the cutest

he comes across you building a pillow fortress in the middle of the house of lamentation’s living room one day and is understandably like “what are you doing in my house and what are you doing with those pillows”

you explain very seriously that satan asked you for help in an apparently pre-arranged pillow fight with mammon and that every warrior needs a well-protected base of operations and offer to show him all the optimised battle features somehow recreated from nothing but cushions and blankets and chairs 

lucifer’s heart goes d o k i  d o k i

he also has experience with Big and Dumb men from dealing with both beel and diavolo (when the three of you are together it’s just himbo3) so the stupid doesn’t bother him much

speaking of diavolo (wow i am nailing all of these transitions from character to character look at me go)

this man is basically just a grown up golden retriever boy and you are a big gentle st. bernard so the two of you get along like a house on fire

you’ve seen how much this man gushes about lucifer. now imagine that times a thousand

that is how he talks about you

honestly sometimes you’d think HE’S the one dating you

simeon would probably get defensive if he didn’t get so much whiplash from their conversations about you

diavolo: “i must say, i never would have pinned [name] as being your type”

simeon, ready to Fucking Brawl: “excuse me?”

diavolo: “though i don’t blame you, have you seen his page in that book about the celestial war? the illustration does his true beauty no justice, of course, but it’s enchanting in and of itself. to be honest i’d have loved to have seen him in action during the war, i imagine it would have been quite breath-taking to see”

simeon: “…what”

barbatos is usually just there in the background during half of these exchanges and he has to seriously stiffen up his poker face to resist just bursting into laughter

the other half of the time the conversation is just simeon and diavolo going back and forth gushing about you

barbatos honestly dislikes you a bit at first

not for any personal faults of your own! it’s just that all your garden work + your very forgetful mind means that you’re often tracking dirt everywhere

it doesn’t help that diavolo keeps inviting you over to the castle for tea and a chat and half the time you leave these big footprints on the floor and he wants to cry because he just spent four hours mopping that

he mentions it to diavolo in passing at one point, who then passes the message on to simeon

barbatos kind of gets concerned for himself because he knows simeon does not take well to you being insulted (one time a demon at the r.a.d. called you an ‘unintelligent buffoon’ and he was ready to start a fist fight right then and there)

not that it was an insult, but you never know how love can blind you to reason

but simeon just assures him not to worry and tells you to remember to clean your shoes as well as changing clothes after doing some gardening

normally you’d forget being told these things within a few hours but simeon offers to give you a kiss every time you remember to do this so now you remember every single time you’re about to enter a building after doing some gardening

after that barbatos holds no ill will to you at all

he teaches you how to bake and is honestly so endeared by how clumsy you get in the kitchen

you knock an entire container of salt into the cake mix by accident because your hands are too big and you moved too fast and barbatos is just like 🥺

he low-key babies you even though he’s like an entire two heads shorter than you

you don’t mind though because getting babied by barbatos means you get given all sorts of cakes and sweets all the time

simeon isn’t sure how to feel about it but it doesn’t seem to be the patronising kind of babying (it’s more of an affectionate doting) so he lets it happen

what he doesn’t let happen is solomon’s relentless attempts to feed you his food

you are both too dumb and too nice to realise just how bad his cooking is, but simeon knows you have a sensitive stomach and are actually a pretty fussy eater - you just tend to stay quiet when something isn’t to your liking because you don’t want to complain

having had a sample of solomon’s food himself in the past, he knows that you’ll probably get sick eating it, and he doesn’t want you to be uncomfy so he refuses to let you try even a bite

it’s like he has a radar in his head that goes off every time solomon approaches you will a bowl of ‘noodle soup’ that looks more like something he’s fished out of a nuclear waste tank

solomon, when he’s not trying to indirectly poison you, is probably the guy you spend the most time with apart from simeon and luke

he’ll just hang around nearby with a spell book while you do your gardening and show you some neat little magic tricks every now and then

he tries to help with the gardening but he’s not exactly physically strong and he nearly breaks his back trying to lift a giant bag of compost

so he decides it’s probably better for him to just watch from afar

kind of wants to conduct an experiment to see just how much weight you can lift before you start getting tired

one time he sees you cut down a whole tree with one hard swat of your hand and just walk off carrying it over your shoulder and he has to take several deep breaths

luke knew you already, so not much changes while you’re in the devildom

he really wants to learn to make candied fruits the same way you do but he can never get the hang of boiling the sugar mixture to the right heat and consistency (plus he’s kind of scared of how hot it gets)

you like to just carry him around on your shoulders and while luke would normally bristle at being treated like a child, you act like this with nearly everyone

(once he sees you running around the garden with diavolo of all people perched on your shoulders, arms raised in the air like he’s on a rollercoaster ride, and he nearly passes out on the spot)

he seriously adores you and acts like a guard dog whenever he feels like any of the others are trying to take advantage of your dim-witted naïveté because NO demons are allowed to harm his big brother like that

he will also chase them off with a stick if he has to if they get too close because no being is allowed to even remotely try to disrupt your relationship with simeon 

simeon himself is no fool, and he’s well aware of the effect you have on pretty much everyone you come across, but he trusts them because they’re his friends

besides (and he isn’t being cocky or anything), it’s not like the relationship you have with them even holds a candle to what you have with him

they’ve all known you for less than a year, he’s loved you for nearly two millennia

they might be allowed take naps on your back while you work or be carried about on your shoulders, but do they get to spend every night snuggled up in your arms, feeling your chest rise and fall with every breath you take? no, he doesn’t think so

in conclusion: one day himbos like you will probably take over the world with their big muscles and unwavering loyalty and clueless grins that could make anyone’s heart skip a beat, and simeon’s pretty sure he’d be okay with it

[seraphtrevs]

Possibly controversial take, but I think Kim in BCS is what the writers of Game of Thrones wished they wrote with Dany's arc. A woman who has been shaped by her background to have that strong and kind of merciless sense of justice, who wants to help the poor and downtrodden, but slowly comes to see herself as the only arbiter of right and wrong, and becomes convinced that she gets to punish those who deserve it cruelly.

Only when Game of Thrones did it, it sucked, because D&D hate women and the idea of challenging the status quo

I don't think that's controversial - that's an interesting point! I don't think that the comparison is completely apt (but I don't think that's what you were saying, either) - Dany kills a lot more people and has a lot more power, and the world she lives in demands violence from her and also looks to her as a legal arbiter of justice as a queen. But yes, the arc of a character starting off as genuinely righteous (freeing slaves, etc.) gradually losing sight of what motivated her and instead giving in to more personal vendettas is along the same lines. And of course it goes without saying that Dany's arc instead became an exercise in misogyny as well as completely nonsensical - thank god we have Gilligould instead of D&D. Kim's descent has been really interesting to watch because she genuinely believes in obtaining justice for the underpriveledged. Compare that to Walt's motives for "providing for his family," which is explicitly shown to be insincere very early in the series when he refuses Elliot and Gretchen's help. I think you'd have to do some pretty fancy mental gymnastics to claim that Kim's motives to help the unfortunate are self-serving (but I'm sure people are finding a way - after all, she is a woman and therefore 50x more guilty and 50x less sympathetic than male characters). The point of Kim's arc is that there are no good reasons to take justice into your own hands, even if you think you're being clever about it and it isn't "really" going to hurt anyone. There's never a good reason to hurt other people for your own sense of righteousness, and it can have consequences beyond what you intend. Since I love tragedy and complicated female characters, I'm loving her arc (which again, everyone SAYS female characters should get the chance to be as complicated and morally gray as male characters, but the moment a woman character does anything unsympathetic, she gets punted into the utterly and irredeemably eeeeeeevil/unsympathetic pile immediately, even if her misdeeds aren't on the same scale as the male characters. See also Shiv from Succession). Kim is a morally gray character. Her motives to help the helpless are just; her motives to humiliate Howard are not. Mike also got an innocent bystander murdered in his quest to take justice into his own hands when he went after Hector's truck, unintentionally getting the Good Samaritan who stopped to help the driver killed. Just like Kim, Mike did not intend on getting anyone killed - he was quite pleased with himself that his plan was victimless. He even left Hector's driver alive, although surely he must have known Hector would kill him, which he did. The result of his scam had a body count of two. It has never been controversial to continue to find Mike sympathetic the way it apparently is for Kim. Part of that is we didn't know Mike's victims the way we knew Howard (because if Howard is Kim's victim, then we must also consider the Good Samaritan and Hector's driver as Mike's victims), but just because we didn't know the Good Samaritan doesn't make Mike's actions morally superior to Kim's. It just means we don't find them as upsetting. (That's not even mentioning his murder of Werner, an innocent person, who Mike killed on purpose even though he knew it was wrong, but it's not an apt Kim comparison because she hasn't deliberately pulled the trigger on anyone, at least not yet.)

Sorry that kind of went off the rails lol. Back to your original point - I think that if we ever get more GRRM books, Dany's arc will look more similiar to Kim's, although obviously on a different scale. (My hot take - the ASoIaF books are good even if the show is garbage!)

[fjorn-the-skald]

Alright, friends, let me tell you about Litr.

Since you could just Google his name to learn the basics, I'm going to be a bit extra and add some fancy historian magic: medieval manuscripts. This does nothing for Litr...but I want to expose you to the material side of our texts and, perhaps, show you how an Old Norse meal is prepared, from garden (manuscript) to table (translation).

His moment to shine (somewhat literally?) comes from Snorri Sturluson’s Prose Edda. Here’s the text itself (from the 14th-century GKS 2367 4to):

But since medieval manuscripts are, admittedly, a bit hard on our modern eyes…here’s a highlighted version:

After admiring the garden above, we gather our ingredients, ending up with this (non-standardized) Old Norse:

"Þa stoð ÞoR at ok vigþi balit með Miollni; en firir fotvm honvm raN dvergr nockvR; sa er Litr nefndr; en ÞoR spyrndi fæti sinvm a hann ok hratt honieldinn, ok braN hann." [1]

And, after a bit of prep work...

“Þá stóð Þórr at ok vígði bálit með Mjöllni, en fyrir fótum hans rann dvergr nokkurr, sá er Litr nefndr; en Þórr spyrndi fæti sínum á hann ok hratt honum í eldinn, ok brann hann.”

...we're ready to bake a translation:

“Then Thor stood by and consecrated the pyre with Miollnir. But a certain dwarf ran in front of his feet. His name was Lit. Thor kicked at him with his foot and thrust him into the fire and he was burned.” [2]

So já…all of that to say that Litr is just a dwarf who gets punted into a fire (Baldr’s funeral ship) by Thor, who basically just didn’t see the little guy scurrying around. I suggest reading the rest of that tale if you haven’t already. It has absolutely nothing to do with Litr…but a lot to do with the beginnings of Ragnarok. Pretty big stuff.

There is a little bit more to say about Litr, though…maybe. It depends upon one thing: that we assume every Litr mentioned in a mythological context is the same Litr. If we do, as some have, then he actually comes up in a few other places (before, I guess, meeting his fiery demise).

Aside from being listed among the names of the dwarves,[3] “Litr” also comes up in a poem by Bragi recounted later in Snorri’s Prose Edda (in Skaldskaparmal):

“When on the hook of the old Lit’s men’s [giants’] fight challenger [Thor] hung the coiling eel [Midgard serpent] of the Volsungs’ drink [poison] coiled.” [4]

The kenning “old Lit’s men’s” is there translated by Anthony Faulkes as “giants’” and thus immediately complicates the assumption we just made about Litr. Is he a dwarf or a giant? Is this even the same Litr? Or do we have a conflation of stories made muddy by Snorri? John Lindow treats them as two separate Litr.[5] I’m personally open to story conflation, but we don’t have enough evidence to actually argue anything concrete…so I’ll leave it up to your own contemplation.

After all, this is probably more than anyone ever wanted to know about a little dwarf named Litr that is only known for getting kicked into a fire.

But there you have it.

Many thanks for reading!

If you got this far, please reply with a 🐻 because I like bears.

— fjörn

ENDNOTES

Finnur Jónsson, Edda Snorra Sturlusonar: Udgivet efter Håndskrifterne (Gyldendal, 1931), 66.

Snorri Sturluson, Edda, Anthony Faulkes trans., (Everyman, 1995), 49.

Ibid., 16.

Ibid., 106.

John Lindow, Norse Mythology: A Guide to the Gods, Heroes, Rituals, and Beliefs (Oxford University Press, 2001), 209.

☕️ Perhaps you’d like to buy Fjorn a coffee for his troubles? (He really likes coffee.)

[kcowgill]

Went into the office for the first time in over a year yesterday.

I had gone in ... I forget exactly when, but we were notified that the office was going to take advantage of the fact that hardly anyone was there and do some renovations. I went in a few times to pack up some personal things - some to take home, some to keep in a box for my new desk, whenever that would be ready.

Earlier this year, the facilities department asked everyone to submit a form stating when they expected to start coming back into the office. Not knowing any better, I picked an arbitrarily far away date - August 2 - to return, so my stuff would be ready.

Then delta came up, and I wanted a booster shot before I’d feel comfortable coming in. Well, I ended up getting my booster a week and a half ago, so I decided I’d start going in.

Unfortunately my desk wasn’t actually ready :)

Whomever was moving workstations and such misplaced my cherished keyboard and laptop stand. I’m VERY picky about my keyboard - so much so that I bought the same model (with my own money!) when I decided to set up an actual desk at home in April 2020, expecting that I’d have a nice setup for home AND office without having to tote much back and forth - OR I could just keep it at home and “attach” (it’s wireless) it to my personal computer.

The help ticket that was submitted to order a replacement kind of rankled me - “Kent misplaced his keyboard in the move”. Uh, no - I didn’t. I expected it to be moved along with the computer I left in the office (which I can easily connect to remotely). The only thing I misplaced was my trust.

I also discovered that my new work laptop - a fancy Mac with the M1 chip - can only support a single external monitor, not the two I was accustomed to pre-pandemic. So my setup was all wrong.

I spent a fair amount of time trying to get my setup back to how I liked it, but I also had some impromptu chats with people I haven’t seen either ever or in over a year. It was nice to people again, but I’m glad I still have the freedom to work from home several days a week. I’m not ready to people full time again. Not yet.

I wanted to go in today. I tried to go in today. I could catch a commuter train at 7:55 to arrive downtown at 8:20 which would give me enough time to walk to the office, plug in, and be there for an 8:30 meeting. But the commuter train didn’t cooperate, it was late. I didn’t think it would arrive soon enough to get me downtown and not be late for my meeting (I hate being late) so I punted and came back home.

One thing for sure - I have fallen out of the habits required for me to get to work at my old time. There’s an earlier train I could take and not worry about missing early meetings, but I’d have to get up earlier to take care of kids + dogs. My mornings have really changed a lot - I hope I can get back into my old habits!

[mercurygray]

I saw a post recently from @momentofmemory about the lack of Sam fanfic content, and I felt that, so...I wrote a thing. I'm not going to promise it's a great thing, but the line about showing up for people was something that occurred to me after episode two or so and I just felt like...someone ought to say it.

The hardest part wasn't the flying - it was finding a place to land.

There were days when Sam wished he'd never done it - tried to catch that guy running impossibly fast down the Mall, joked with him afterwards, talked with a fellow vet about sleeping on hard ground. His life might be easier now if he hadn't.

Or it might have been even worse. There were many variables between here and there, and George Bailey he was not. All he could do was deal with what was right in front of him - which at this point was a glitching intake vent on Redwing. Sam carefully pried another lump of glue off the hardshell case. "Ham fingered..." Who on earth did they have working on these things, anyway? His nephews did a better job on their Lego dioramas.

Still, there was something oddly comforting about doing his own repairs. If it failed, there wasn't anyone he could blame but himself. Which felt safer, honestly, given the present climate.

"Sam, Sam, the traffic jam." He looked up across the hanger, where a tall woman with a big smile and her hair in a bun was making her way across the floor, aviators tipped up on the top of her head. She looked like she might have just come in from a field exercise - but the two cups of takeout coffee in her hands suggested otherwise. "Someone said you were causing trouble in here."

"Hey, it was your flat tire I was fixing, Sergeant Whitman," Sam shot back, sitting up a little taller in his chair. "So technically the traffic jam was all you."

"Fair enough," she acknowledged. Technically they'd met at some point before that, but there was a fair bit of bonding that went on while you struggled to get the lugnuts off a back tire in afternoon traffic, and now that they had that experience in common, Holly Whitman felt just a little closer than most of the other soldiers he'd been working with. "How you been? I feel like I haven't seen you for a bit."

"Oh, you know, a little of this, a little of that," he said, setting aside his soldering iron so he could sit back and actually have a conversation with the woman.

"Torres said you were back in the hangar, I thought I would stop by." She held up one of the cups and gestured towards the table. "Got you a coffee. Black, cream, two sugars."

He allowed himself a stare for effect. "Usually it's three; you some kind of mind reader?"

She laughed and shook her head. "I just figured you weren't a fancy coffee guy and went from there."

He moved a few parts and his case of tools out of the way, making a space so she could set down the two cups and pull up another chair. It was from a place near the base owned by a couple of vets who'd picked up a taste for good coffee overseas - they roasted their own beans and the smell alone was enough to bring Sam back.

He took a sip and found it cool enough to drink. It seemed like an age since his cup this morning, and he sipped gratefully. There was something about these hangars that got cool, even in the afternoon. He looked up and found her watching him. A thought occurred. "Did Torres send you?"

She sat back a little. "Now what makes you say a thing like that?"

Sam looked at his coffee, studying the sharpie on the cup and the way the barista had dashed off the y on 'holly x 2' "Oh, just a vibe I get from him. Kind of kid who picks up strays."

"Don't they say it takes one to know one?" she punted back with a quirked eyebrow, smiling wider when he realized he'd kind of walked into that one. "No, he just told me you were back. I figured I really did owe you one for the tire, and the coffee's the least I can do." She thought for a moment. "Especially if you, of all people, think of yourself as a stray."

Another one he'd sort of walked into- but some days, here, at least, it felt like it, a little - not quite air force, but not quite a civilian. Not a superhero or super soldier, but not just a guy on the ground, either. And it seemed like she'd...seen this, because she went on, leaning into the table a little and tapping the side of her coffee cup.

"No, I was, um...I was just thinking, after I'd seen you around the hangar a bunch, and the way Torres talks about you, and then after the tire..." She paused, shrugged, looked up. "I think you spend an awful lot of time showing up for other people, Sam, and I got to thinking that...post blip and everything, I don't know if there are a lot of people who show up for you. And I'd...like to be one of them, if you'd like. I'm not a...a superhero, or anything, but...I'm good for a coffee run. And to listen. If you ... need that."

She looked...embarrassed, by the offer, but it made Sam wobble a little, the way he'd felt reading the card from Riley's sister with the photographs, or Steve showing up at his front door saying he had nowhere else to go, a welling up of feeling incredibly proud and wildly humbled and painfully seen, all at once.

What had he been looking for? A place to land? He nodded. "Thanks. I appreciate it."

She back in her chair, obviously relieved. "Just don't ask me to help you fix him," she said, gesturing to Redwing and taking another sip of her coffee. "I failed sixth grade robotics."

He couldn't help but grin. "Sarge, I've seen you with a tire iron, I'm not letting you anywhere near this."

[12th-shavie]

[80 hours in]

As a treat I got myself a third and final dancer license (even though I don't really reclass anyone in it most of the time), as well as the technically second but effectively third and final thief license. Apparently I'm blind and the guy holding it was right there all along and I just never noticed him

I have once again been reminded why I like Partitio more and more every time he says anything

Roque being quite the arrogant little shit until Alrond showed up with a literal eighty billion leaves of change in his fancy ass ship was pretty fun, being extra dramatic is always a plus in moments like these

Roque's line about pummelling capitalist common sense through Partitio's thick skull made me chuckle, since I was very actively thinking of kicking HIS teeth in at that very moment

The tank being an armoured locomotive was slightly unexpected even though I should have seen it coming from a mile away with that amount of train tracks everywhere

Damn he messed up the economy so bad that I can hire him for free ? See Roque, that's why you shouldn't have tried to monopolise the economy

It's kind of sweet that every boss in Partitio's story ends up on his side working for his new company in order to make the world a better place (and also all of them worked for Roque that sure is a pattern)

My headcanon of Roque and Papp being estranged and divorced was playing the long game look at them reconnecting in their later years ! Thurston is probably dying of jealousy haha (and with a name like that the pun is almost too easy)

Lovely end artwork, really dynamic coat and the yellow tone suits him well. Speaking of suits I really love Partitio's design I need more grit in my life and stealing his look would be a nice way to go about it did I mention I love suits ? And waistcoats ? And suspenders ?

Share SP is godlike. I already really liked using him in my teams but now ? I'm buying it. What a good merchant

So then I did Throné's final chapter. I both expected it to be a lot and didn't expect it to hit me like it did

Finally the awesome spooky castle town I spied from the boat ! Locked behind the mysterious locked door from the first chapter for extra spooky flair, and with a mysterious storytelling old man to boot !

Big Castlevania vibes in the spooky castle right before the boss (I have never played a Castlevania game but I can sense it) pretty dope

Wow holy shit Claude you disgust me profoundly and I wish to punt you into the fucking sun this instant if physics allow it, you vitamine d deficient motherfucker (derogatory)

What do you mean half the fucking cast of this part of the story is half-siblings ??? I'm so upset about it (and yet also not because the narrative !! the parallels !! the subtext !!) and like........ ew

The boss fight is kinda cool with the shadow version of almost every boss in this story (except that one guy who wasn't a Blacksnake but was a boss anyway) but I really just wanted Claude to kick the bucket at that point so I beat his ass

In the end Throné's freedom still tastes like blood as she earns it...

End artwork is adorable, she gets a little cozy top and a puppy !

I need something uplifting now, so next will be Agnea, girlypop deserves her time to shine !

Octopath Traveler II delayed playthrough blogging

[10 hours in]

Contains light spoilers of some early chapters I guess

I started the journey with Agnea because she looked like a sweetie (and she is) and she really has the most jrpg "leave of this small village to see the big wide world to make your dream come true" beginning

I got her to allure a villager that replenishes SP with every dancer skill she uses and she's been the cornerstone to most battles ever since

The second traveler I got was Partitio and he's a funny lad, I love his vibe, hat, jacket, and speech ! Also, the atmosphere of his storyline was a nice dramatic change of pace after the cozy first one I got

I headcanon that Roque's betrayal was in fact very much a divorce with Partitio's dad and I cannot wait to see how that applies to future chapters (I do hope it ages like fine wine rather than milk)

Partitio's combat performance was pretty solid despite a lack of AoE but the weapon variety for breaking was the early highlight

I ignored the fork in the road that lead to Hikari in favor of recruiting Castti because I wanted a healer and I feel slightly guilty (but also not at all)

Castti is literally so nice to people I can't wait to see if she really has an extremely shady past that will torment her for at least 1 chapter before she decides that she's going to be a good noddle in spite of all

Her concocting is pretty fun but I wish I had more diffusing serum (I can make do with latent power for now but it'd more fun to let her do some fun nuking)

Castti is also extremely tanky (she's the only one I have with over 1k HP so far) so she was a very welcome addition to the party

The next step in the journey was recruiting Osvald (I wanted to start with him but the 2 forced chapters made me decide to instead make him the reward for reaching the eastern continent) after I ignored the boat that lead to Ochette and wandered around until I stumbled upon a boat that lead really close to Osvald on the map and eventually found him face-down in the snow (which makes my decision to no start with him even better)

His first two chapters cemented him as one of my favorites beyond the visual vibes I got from the first selecting menu, and his skillset was a cherry on top

AoE magic nuking when I already have some buffing and BP donating in my party ? I'm sold. Free weakpoint reveals every battle ? Even better ! Osvaldo battle voicelines ? Yes please !

After that I found the scholar license and decided that Agnea should also learn to buff spell intensity to make my Osvaldo nuking engine even stronger (she's been doing great and I'm very proud of her)

Since it was on the way to Agnea's second chapter for which she was at the recommended level, I went on to recruit Temenos and he did not disappoint ! He really gave me an impression of being a seemingly upstanding fellow who is in fact not only shady but just the right blend of ambiguous tease with genuine words thrown in (props to his voice acting that really sells it)

His detective moment was also pretty cool, especially after seeing the duality of his abilities to get people to follow him without risk of failure and his (very shady) coercing to get more intel

I considered replacing Castti with him as my party healer but he is very squishy compared to her, and she also has weapon diversity and more consistent debuffing over him so for the time being he's just chilling at the tavern waiting for a party composition that makes him shine

On my way to the big city I found the inventor license and could simply not resist giving it to Partitio it simply fit him too well (and more weapons to break with is very nice), although I'm thinking of changing it later to try a Temenos build that would allow him to break even more and coerce better

Now onto the big city to recruit Throné and let Agnea's story unfold further !