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stephspurs · 4 years ago

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A Family Affair | Euro 2020 Football Fanfiction

hi guys and gals! Part 7 sees friendship strengthened, decisions being made and love ultimately hurting. As always, please enjoy the next part and let me know what you think is going to happen in part eight! I actually love hearing from you all so please don't be too shy to reach out and message me - I love a good chat LOL Love always, Steph xx

Part 7 | settima parte

warnings; love sucks man. word count; 1850 writing tools; third person until dashed line, first person thereafter. next update; Monday 09/08 5pm AEST. Updates are three times/week (Monday, Wednesday & Friday)! Tags (as requested by users); @footballffbarbiex @obsesseds-world @abysshaven link to fic masterlist here

“bella amelia, cosa ho fatto per meritarmi questa telefonata?” (beautiful amelia, what did i do to deserve this phone call?) Jorginho spoke his second-native tongue down the line to the British girl, calling him way past her self-appointed bedtime of 9pm.

“Jorgi, ho bisogno del consiglio di un amico” (Jorgi, i need the advice of a friend). Amelia, almost desperately, pleaded down the line to the boy who became her therapist.

It had been a few days since Amelia & Jack’s facetime where they sat and listened to the countless offers the successful girl had waiting in her voice message inbox. Being the person that she is, Amelia needed to distract herself from obsessing over the messages so she threw herself into her job. Spending too many hours over her paid allocation at Juventus training ground, getting administrative work done for the season ahead.

Was this her way of nesting? Or empty-nesting? Was she subconsciously preparing the club and her boys for life without her? Getting them ready with a season's worth of set pieces and tactical plays that would secure them an outstanding 37th victory? On the flip side, was she preparing for her new role in England which she had yet to accept. There was no harm in her taking her intellectual property back over to the motherland. The two clubs did not compete in the same tournaments, perhaps only the Champions league - but who's to say that whatever club she does pick will make the Champions League? There was no doubt Juve would be there - all of her preparation would ensure they would be. Whoever took over her role simply just had to show up and keep the boys in line.

“ok tesoro, parlami.” (Ok darling, speak to me). The Italian settled onto his couch, espresso in hand, waiting to hear the younger girl's problem.

“So I've spoken with Kyle & Jack now, and have told them of my predicament. They both are very heavily favouring one side - but I need a voice of reason. If you happen to express the same sentiments that they both did, then maybe that's all of the reassurance I need to make this final decision.” Amelia switched back to her native tongue.

After spending the better part of an hour discussing in great depth the offers that she was receiving from the 5 english clubs, Amelia felt just as confused as she did before calling the Chelsea boy. No surprise that Jorgi was team Come to the Prem & Join Chelsea, but the italian midfield maestro had also brought her back down to earth from cloud nine and reminded her of what, or who, she was leaving behind.

“Now I don't like telling you what to do, but you need to discuss this with Fede, Amelia. He doesn��t deserve a lot of things, but this is something he does.”

So that's where Amelia found herself the next morning. Sunday’s in Italy were reserved for espresso and long walks in the sun. This particular Sunday must have been reflective of the internal turmoil she was facing, uncommon for the season, the sky above her was overcast and a light drizzle had started to set in on her walk to the charming Italian’s townhouse.

______________________________________________________________

“pensavo fosse un mito che gli inglesi portino con sé il tempo the” (i thought it was a myth that british people bring the weather with them) Fede said as he opened the door, and his arms, while looking down the two steps at me.

“Very funny” I said as I gave him a hug. He always was so good at hugs. I’m going to miss them. Snap out of it Amelia - you don’t even know if you’re going to go yet. Oh she knows she's going. She also knows what club she's going to. No she doesn't, you be quiet. I’m here rooting for her Italian romance. If I had an angel and devil on each shoulder, their conversation would speak my internal monologue as such.

Walking through to his kitchen, putting on a coffee and saying hello to his dogs, Fede stood in the doorway and watched me move around his kitchen as though it was my own.

“I’m convinced you got British bulldogs because you just can’t help but love the English” I cheekily smiled up at him from my crouched position in the middle of his kitchen, giving the two bullys the best head rubs.

“Sure, you keep thinking that Amelia” Oh, the way he says your name Amelia, so foreign, so romantic. He says it the same way any other Italian would say it, he’s nothing special. Be quiet, let them have their moment.

“Lets go and enjoy these out in the courtyard, is your sun shade still up? It should hold out the rain right?” Amelia spoke rushedly as she poured two espresso cups and walked towards his back door.

“Tesoro, why are you so unsteady today? Is something troubling you?” Fede spoke worriedly, noticing my little nervous habits coming out to play and speaking faster than my mind could comprehend. Better to just get this over with i think, for once we agree on something.

“Ok i need to tell you something, and i need you to let me get it all out before interrupting me. Can you do that? This is something i’ve been working up the courage to speak out loud, let alone speak it to you”

Fede took a sip of his espresso, holding my eye contact, before putting his cup back on its saucer and leaning forward, elbows on his knees. He thought he was ready for what i was about to say, expecting it to be yet another long winded speech as to why i want to put a label on our situationship. Oh boy, how wrong he was.

“After the success of the european tournament, i have received a lot of praise and recognition for my skills”

“And you deserve every bit of it amore, every bit and even more” Oh dear, could my heart hurt anymore?

“Fede, I asked you not to interrupt me…”

“Ok ok, sorry, continue”

“So, I have received a lot of recognition both here in Italy as well as from my home country of England. In saying that, I have received a few offers from clubs in the premier league that want me to bring my approach, the italian approach, to the english game. It's a real step up in my career and it's something I am seriously considering. I’ve spoken with some of the boys back home and also Jorgi, they all think that this is the next step for me. I’m far too comfortable here, I can't grow in my comfort zone. I think I'm ready for a new challenge.”

I held eye contact with the 27 year old, I wasn’t about to let him know just how vulnerable I was feeling here in front of him. Something Fede could always do was read me, and read my emotions. If he knew how exposed I felt, how easily I could be swayed over this decision, then he would make it his life's mission to do so. I had made my mind up that I was going, but there was also a part of me that decided if he was to give me what I was after I would be open to the possibility of staying.

“So it seems that you have asked for the opinion of everyone else in your life, and made your decision, before even considering mine.” He slumped back in his chair, and rubbed two fingers over his lips while looking off into the small courtyard garden.

“Fede, I have made my decision. But I wanted to talk to you about it, I owe that to you. You have made my time here so memorable, so fantastic, so filled with love that I wouldn't even consider not including you in this.”

“Is there anything I can do to make you stay? Do you want me to ask you to be my girlfriend? To tell you I love you? To move in with me? Let me know what you need from me to reconsider this decision” He began to get frustrated with me, pulling the cap off of his head and running his fingers through his hair.

“That’s exactly it Fede! I don’t want to ask you to do that, you should ask me to be your girlfriend on your own! I don't want you to tell me you love me if you think that's what I want to hear - I want you to feel like you love me! I don’t need anyone to tell me what I want to hear, what I want to hear is what you truly feel. And if there is something i have learnt about you in the last few years is that you can’t hold back your feelings with anything! If you were in love with me it would have burst from you a long time ago. I think that you do love me Fede, but as someone to come home to instead of no one at all.”

“You know Fede, i don’t have any regrets over this. You mean just as much to me now as you did the very first time we crossed that boundary and blurred the lines. You’re just my type, you only call me late at night, you can’t decide if you’ll be your own man or mine. I hate to say it, but you really are just my type. This decision has nothing to do with you, it’s something i have come to make all on my own.”

I had stood up now, looking down at the 27 year old. I needed him to understand exactly what I was saying, how serious I was. This was the moment I could get it all off my chest, instead of just letting the relationship play out on his terms.

“I leave on Friday, I let the club know this morning. There's nothing that can be done now Fede, this is my decision. Please respect it, and me”

He stood up, his almost 6’1” frame towering over me. Looking down, face of steel, I could see everything I needed behind his eyes.

“hai ragione ti amo Solo non nel modo in cui meriti di essere amato” (you're right, i do love you. Just not in the way you deserve to be loved). He pulled me into his chest, both arms wrapping around the back of my shoulders, left hand holding my head in the crook of his neck. My arms wrapped around his back from below his arms, holding him tight enough that they crossed over and I could grab the sides of his rib cage. This was the closure I needed.

“I’ll give Jorginho a call and make sure he looks out for you”

“How do you know what club I'm going to?”

“I saw the way your eyes sparkled when you mentioned its name, it was the same sparkle that used to come out when you said mine…”

Part 8. | parte otto

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onlysarah235678 · 4 years ago

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A Little Bit Part 20

Pairing: Billie Dean Howard x female reader

A/N: 🙃 Hi. I hope everyone’s had a nice weekend. Here’s more of your favorite medium, but first, look at this gif.

Warnings: angst and mention of dead animals

The rest of your time at Billie’s had been more enjoyable than you could have hoped for. The two of you spent a lot of time together, with Milo too of course, and you even risked going out again. Luckily you had been able to enjoy your time together without incident and you were reluctant to go home the next morning. You would have loved to stay with Billie for longer, but it was time to go back to work.

You and Milo had finally returned home on Sunday, and you’d immediately realized how much you had to do before work on Monday. You’d gone shopping, did laundry, cleaned a lot of your apartment before collapsing at 10. You wake up Monday morning torn between excitement and dread about going back to work. You are excited to be busy again, and to see all of your patients, but you aren’t excited about potentially facing the media and tiring yourself out.

You didn’t bother texting anyone to see if the reporters are there because you doubted anyone would be at work yet. You lock your door behind you before leading Milo down the hallway. You stifle a yawn before leaning against the wall while you wait for the elevator to reach your floor. You consider texting Billie but it was really early, so you decide to at least wait until you got to work.

You are leaving a little early because you want to have time to catch up on what you missed, so you and Milo arrive a whole hour before opening. Most of the assistants aren’t even here yet, but you hadn’t run into any reporters so you’re happy. Since you are here so early, you take Milo upstairs with you and after putting his bed back under your desk you both settle in.

When lunch time rolls around, you are grateful of the fact that Dr. Stewart put breaks into your schedule this week. You’re feeling okay, but your headache is starting to come back. You’re stressing about how much you have to catch up on when your phone goes off. You sigh before realizing that it’s Billie, and you smile widely as you read her message.

You know she has a busy week, but that doesn’t start until tomorrow, so you are going to take advantage of any free time Billie has. It doesn’t even seem odd to be so excited to talk to the blonde again. It’s barely been 24 hours since you’ve seen her, but you’re quickly responding to her message. You’re not really free, but you figure a few minutes on the phone won’t hurt.

You glance to the schedule before you skip ahead a week to double check the time that you had scheduled all seven of the cats to come in. Before leaving Billie’s yesterday, Bit had escaped outside and neither you nor Billie had been in the mood to run after her. Milo had of course, but luckily he had already been attached to his leash so he didn’t get far. You had joked that whenever she came back, Billie would have to bring her in to get spayed. She could get into a lot of trouble relatively quickly.

You had been kidding of course, but then you’d actually talked about it for a while before Billie decided that she wanted it done ASAP. So now you had Bit’s surgery in the morning, and Billie’s appointment with the other cats late enough in the afternoon that she could just take them all home at once.

Guess who made it home?

Billie had attached a picture of Bit sitting in the living room grooming herself and you laugh. You ask Billie if she wants to keep her appointment before turning your attention to lunch. You leave your office and walk down the hall to the kitchen so you can grab your lunch. You’re glad that you went shopping yesterday because you really don’t want to chance an encounter with reporters this week. You sneak a peek at the boarding cats before heading back to your office with a sigh. You sit back down before turning your attention to your computer when it chimes at you. You answer some emails before you finally get to you lunch, and at that point you remember to check your phone.

Yes, please.

You smile before asking how her day has gone so far before returning to work. You’re typing up a medical record while eating your sandwich when your phone lights up again. You’d turned off the sound because it had been aggravating your headache. That said, you don’t realize that you have a new message until you have two and you curse under your breath as you grab your phone.

How has your day been, sweetheart?

You’re on lunch now right?

You respond by telling Billie how your day has been and that you honestly are ready to go home. You talk for a while before you have to get back to work, but you ask Billie when she’ll be free. You are already dreading the idea of having to go back to your apartment alone tonight, but you suppose that’s what you get for spending so much time at Billie’s.

Billie spent most of the morning figuring out her week. She talked to Michelle for a while about the many things she had planned and how she was going to be kept busy up until her show aired. Billie was conflicted because she was glad to work, but she was also exhausted. She wanted a break, and she certainly didn’t want to deal with more assholes like she had on Friday. She and Michelle had talked about this a lot and the solution you’d both come up with was deceptively simple.

Just stick to the same story every time, and don’t crack under pressure. Billie still hadn’t told you about what Dave had asked, and she wasn’t sure if you’d bothered to look it up. This meant that she hadn’t been able to ask you about what she could say on TV. You had agreed to her telling the basics about you, your job, recent move, and all of that, but nothing about your personal life.

You certainly hadn’t mentioned your dad which is why Billie was trying not to either. That said, it was only working so well when people zeroed in on that one article or anything else they could use to bring him up. She knew you hadn’t gotten over his death yet, for several reasons, but she didn’t want to be the one to bring it up again. Billie knew that you had to come to terms with it on your own time, but it just made things difficult for her. Well, she was the one making things difficult for herself by refusing to talk to you about it. She didn’t want to risk you asking about the interview, so Billie was sticking to her ‘nothing more than the basics’ for now and hoping that it didn’t backfire again.

After Bit had returned from her sudden, albeit brief escape, Billie had tried to look her over. She wanted to make sure she hadn’t gotten hurt or too dirty while out there, but she’d had limited success. She only got as far as scratching her head and reaching for her stomach before Bit hissed and fled upstairs. Billie didn’t bother trying to stop her, she seemed fine enough, and Billie spent the rest of the morning alone.

It was odd having the house so empty. After you and Milo had stayed for a nearly a week, it was difficult to get used to the silence. Neither of you had made much noise honestly, but even just the sound of you shifting on the couch, or Milo’s collar clinking made Billie smile. She’d grown to like having the two of you here, but still she’d let you leave.

It was too early in your relationship to think about that, so Billie just pushes the thought to the back of her mind. Maybe in a few months you two can talk about the idea of moving in together.

You and Billie text for a little while longer before you have to go back to work. You’re glad that your afternoon is full of wellness visits, and as you get ready for your first appointment, you wonder if that was intentional. You don’t think about it long before you are meeting your assistant for the afternoon to get a history for the next patient.

You’re seeing an older dog, Rudy, who is relatively new to your practice. He’s a very sweet dog, but his owners are a little odd. Maybe you’re just too introverted for them, but you think that even an extrovert would find their questions a little invasive.

Luckily, it’s a quick visit and they don’t even mention your relationship which is a relief. The focus is on Rudy, as it should be, and you are grateful that no one seems to really care about you today. In between appointments you’re drinking water and working on medical records. You occasionally check your phone to see if Billie’s texted, but you have no new messages. You frown slightly before forcing yourself to get back to work.

The end of the day sneaks up on you, and you have maybe half a dozen records to finish when Dr. Hahn tells you she’s leaving. You curse under your breath after she leaves as you look at the clock. You need to feed Milo, but you still have maybe an hour of work to do. You sigh before jumping up and taking the stairs two at a time. You smile at Mina before running into the kennel to get your dog.

“Hi Milo. Do you want dinner?”

Milo of course just barks and spins around until you let him out. You smile before scratching his head and waving him along. You feed him before letting him out in the yard for a while. You didn’t give him as much time outside today as you usually would and you feel a little bad about it. For this reason, you end up sitting with him for nearly 15 minutes before you remember you have work to do still.

You lead Milo back inside and up the stairs to your office. You don’t like leaving him in the kennel after hours, and since he’s good and just sits at your feet you let him stay with you. You’re yawning by the time you’ve finished the first couple of records, and you are tempted to leave when your phone goes off. You sigh and force yourself to finish the section you’re typing up before looking to see what Billie says.

No one else has texted you today, so you assume it’s her.

You’re right and you smile when you realize that Billie is checking in on you. It’s almost 8 and you groan when you realize how late you’ll be here tonight.

Are you still at work?

You respond saying that you are and will be for a little while before putting your phone back down. You glance down at Milo, confirming that he’s asleep and snoring before you start typing again. Billie is in the middle of trying to wrangle the kittens when your reply comes in. Since you and Milo left, she realized that it was safe for the kittens to roam around supervised. She was downstairs with all of them now, and definitely regretting her decision to do this.

As Billie holds Mickey in her sweatshirt pocket, he was almost getting too big for it, she hurries to pick up two other kittens that were at her feet. She was attempting to get them all back to the laundry room after being out for a while, and it was proving more difficult than she imagined. She sighs in defeat as she watches the other three attempt to jump on the furniture, or bother Bit. She was going to need a drink after this.

She had underestimated how tiring it would be to spend time with them like this. One hour had quickly turned into two. It was adorable watching them all wobble around, and clumsily chase clumps of Milo’s hair that they found on the ground. They were all getting so big that Billie wasn’t sure how she’d manage to get all of them to the vet next week.

Her main concern right now though was getting them all back into their room. She knew she had to spend more time letting them out like this, but she was going to be busy for the next few days. She had a couple of meetings with her producers and Michelle in addition to another couple of interviews. Billie opens the laundry room and sets the three kittens on the ground before going back to get the remaining three.

She tries to chase one down, and he or she, she’s not sure, runs into the kitchen and Billie sighs in defeat. She follows the little one to the back door and watches as she jumps up and puts her paws on the glass.

“Come on little one.”

Billie reaches down and grabs the kitten, smiling slightly as it purrs so loudly that Billie feels the vibrations. She turns to go track down the other two when her phone goes off again. She smiles until she realizes that it isn’t you, and she leaves it be for now before going off in search of the last two stragglers.

You finally finish working around 9, and you’re exhausted by the time you finish locking up. You take Milo’s leash in one hand and grab your things with the other before heading to the parking lot. You don’t even spare the rest of the lot a glance, not caring if they’re there before you throw your things in your car. You get Milo situated in the back and pretty soon you’re on your way home.

You stifle a yawn as you turn onto the road with an exhausted sigh. You’re not looking forward to going home despite feeling like you’re going to fall asleep the second your head hits your pillow. You get home in record time too since there isn’t much traffic and you sigh as you pull into the closest parking spot you can find. You sit in the car with the engine off just staring off into space before you’re interrupted.

“Shit, Milo stop.”

You push Milo away as he sits up and licks your face to get your attention. He just whines when you tell him to sit, and you only get another few seconds reprieve before he’s pawing at you. You groan in defeat before getting unbuckled and opening your door. Milo isn’t going to let you delay this any longer, so you don’t bother even trying. You get him hooked up to his leash before grabbing your things and leading him inside. You make it to your apartment quickly and you close the door behind you before watching Milo run to the couch. You look around with a frown before heading toward the kitchen. You drop your things before opening the fridge for a drink. It’s late and you should just go to sleep, but you don’t want to.

Instead, you sit next to Milo on the couch with your phone and a glass of wine. You sigh as you look to your phone with a yawn. It’s late, but you are sure that Billie is still up. You want to at least say goodnight, or let her know that you’re home. She had asked you to check in after all.

You didn’t expect her to pick up on the second ring.

“Hi, Y/N. Are you finally home?”

You smile before nodding to yourself with an exhausted sigh. You tell Billie how you just got back and that you are tired enough to crash. You hear her laugh at this and you can’t help but wonder what she’s doing right now. You turn to Milo before patting your lap, and you smile as he hurries to lie down on you.

“What are you up to, Billie?”

Billie smiles as she turns to Mickey who is bouncing around on the floor at the end of the bed. She’s watching him from where she’s leaning against the headboard with a glass of wine in one hand. She mentions what she’s been up to for the past 15 minutes and you laugh when she mentions her kitten adventures from earlier today.

“Really? All 6 of them? How did that go?”

You laugh as Billie groans under her breath. She was glad that she’d been able to give the kittens some much needed play time, but she was exhausted. She was close to crashing despite not having worked much today, but she’d wanted to wait at least until she heard from you.

“It was hectic for sure, but they were so cute. I wish you could have seen them.”

Both of you smile at the thought before you’re nodding in agreement. You scratch Milo behind his ears, your smile widening at how cute he looks as he just stares at you.

“Me too.”

The two of you sit in silence for a little while just lost in thought before Billie finally speaks up. You’re looking at your empty glass on the table in front of you while Billie’s picking up Mickey to take him back to his siblings and Bit.

“I miss having you here, sweetheart.”

You smile at Billie’s words blushing slightly as you lean against the couch with a sigh. “You do?”

Billie just nods before she returns to bed and sits down with a frown. She looks to the empty side for a moment and wonders how a few nights of sleeping in the same bed with you did this to her.

“I do. I wish you were here with me.”

You picture Billie lying in bed as she says this, and you can’t help but want to be there with her. You just know that when you go up to bed you will miss being near Billie. You’ll miss her presence, her warmth, and you will especially miss the feeling you get when she holds you close. You don’t realize that you haven’t responded until Milo snaps you out of your reverie with a loud yawn.

You smile and Billie chuckles before you manage to find your voice again. You try not to sound too much like you’re pouting when you speak up.

“Me too. We need to have another sleepover, Billie Dean.”

Billie laughs before agreeing with a wide smile. The two of you talk for almost an hour before you aren’t able to stop yawning. You don’t want to, but you end up hanging up and heading to bed. You tell yourself that you can wait until Friday rolls around to see Billie again, but you’re not entirely sure. It’s going to be a rough week not only because you’re easing back into things, but because of your impending birthday. It will definitely be on your mind, and not in a good way.

You try not to worry about that now as you get ready for bed. You go through your normal routine and half an hour later you crawl into bed. You watch as Milo does the same at the other side of the room, and you just sigh before turning off the light. You close your eyes and groan in defeat as you roll over and hide your face in your pillow. You turn again until you’re staring at the ceiling, and your mind begins to wander to a certain medium.

You close your eyes again and the first thing that comes to mind is Billie Dean’s charming smile. You imagine her smiling at you, and you can practically smell her perfume as you picture being pulled in for a hug. You smile at the thought of her laughing at one of your dumb jokes, and you are eventually able to fall asleep at the memory of Billie lying beside you.

Billie on the other hand was not asleep yet. She was tired enough for sure, but she couldn’t relax enough to lie down. She was on her second cigarette when she decides to look at her phone for a while. Mindlessly scrolling sometimes helped her sleep, but tonight it was stressing her out. It just made her think about everything that she had to do tomorrow, so she put it down quickly before heading downstairs.

She gets another stronger drink before heading back upstairs. She doesn’t make it back to her room because Bit is yowling and needs to be let out before she wakes the neighborhood. Billie sighs watching as Bit runs down the hall and down to the first floor before she sticks her head in the laundry room. Most of the kittens are sleeping, but of course there was one straggler.

“Mickey.”

The kitten turns, either at his name or Billie’s voice, and hurries over to her. She smiles as he comes to a clumsy stop at her feet and she laughs before picking him up. She holds him close and lets him play with her hair, but when he reaches out for her drink, she shakes her head.

“Not for you, little one. It’s time for bed.”

After she gets Mickey settled, Billie heads back to bed. She’s already finished her drink watching Mickey, so she leaves the empty glass on her bedside table before heading to the bathroom. She needs to get to sleep soon. She’s already going to have one hell of a week. The last thing she needs is to be sleep-deprived.

Billie isn’t convinced that this won’t be the case whether she sleeps or not. Last night she’d had difficulty sleeping, and she doesn’t want to think about why. Instead, Billie sits in bed and finishes off her cigarette, dragging it out for nearly a half hour before she falls into a fitful sleep.

You’re so deep in sleep that you don’t hear the series of knocks at your door the next morning. It’s almost half an hour before you alarm is supposed to go off, and you do not want to get up yet. Milo; however, hears them and he sits up before looking at your door. He starts growling as the knocks continue before he stands up and heads out of your room and downstairs.

He yawns on his way to investigate when the knocking stops. There is nothing out of the ordinary, and Milo hurries to the front door to sniff around. He smells something on the other side of the door and he starts pawing at it insistently. He whines as he tries to stick his face under the door, but not even his nose will fit. He lies down on his side and sees that there is something in front of the door. He tries to reach under the door but his paw is too big and he just whines again before scratching at the bottom of the door for a minute.

Eventually he gives up and just stares at it from the floor. About twenty minutes later he hears something shift from behind the door and he sits up suddenly. His ears twitch and he starts to sniff again before he hears the sound again.

He barks a couple of times before he runs back upstairs to your room. He barks again, startling you from your sleep, before jumping on you with a series of loud whines. You groan in annoyance as you roll over and try to push him off of you.

“Milo go away! It’s only 6!”

You honestly consider giving Milo to the next person you see when he pulls the covers off your bed and leaves you cold and very much awake.

“Milo!”

You sit up and glare at your dog who just drops and steps on all of your sheets before coming back to jump on you again. He whines as he tries to grab onto you, but you’re not really wearing many clothes, so he gets skin and you curse under your breath. Clearly he wants your attention.

“Alright, Milo. Stop! What is it? What do you want?”

Milo jumps off the bed and runs to the door before looking back at you. He barks and you groan loudly before following him down the hallway.

This better be good.

You follow Milo downstairs to the front door thinking that he just wants a walk. He jumps up on the door and claws at it and you quickly push him down with a scowl.

“Milo, no! Go get your leash.”

You are surprised when he doesn’t listen and instead just whines and tries to open the door again. You sigh before moving him out of the way before you unlock the door. You are about to step out into the hallway and see what has him so riled up, but you don’t make it that far. You nearly run into a box that was placed right in front of your door. You frown as you look down at the sketchy cardboard box in front of you.

You’re reluctant to open it, but Milo doesn’t give you much of a choice as he comes up behind you and practically shoves his face into it. You move him away before you peek in and you nearly curse as you realize what is in it.

“What the…?”

Billie Dean is already at the studio getting ready for her next interview when her phone rings. She had only gotten 5 hours of sleep, and she’d had to ask Michelle about a half dozen times who she was being interviewed by. Billie was on her third cup of coffee and she nearly spills it on herself when she jumps in surprise as her phone vibrates.

She curses under her breath as coffee spills on the floor, and she’s more than a little annoyed when she grabs her phone. When she sees it’s you; however, her frown turns to a smile and she answers quickly despite the fact she doesn’t have but maybe a minute to talk.

“Good morning, Y/N.”

You don’t respond immediately because you’re too busy staring at the box you’d managed to put on your counter. You didn’t really want it there, but Milo kept trying to get to one of the kittens inside.

Yes. Someone had left kittens at your doorstep. The first and hopefully the last time someone did something so cliché and quite frankly cruel to you. There had been five kittens in the box but only two were alive by the time you got to them. You had checked three times before separating them from their live siblings and hurrying to get dressed for work. You couldn’t help them much here, but from what you could tell they were in decent condition.

You’d wrapped them up in towels and piled them back in the box before realizing that there was a note at the bottom of it. You held it in your hands, and were still staring at it when Billie picked up. You open your mouth to say something, but you can’t find the words.

“Y/N?”

You had almost forgotten that Billie was supposed to be at an interview now, or soon, you weren’t really sure what time it was. This had thrown you off so much you honestly didn’t know if you’d walked Milo yet. Luckily he was just sitting by patiently, watching you and sniffing for the kittens that were almost as young as Billie’s had been when she’d first brought them in.

“Hi Billie. Uh-.”

You trail off as you try to figure out how to explain this. You read the note one last time before throwing it on the counter with a sigh.

“Something’s happened.”

Billie is still a little distracted when the interview starts. She had only been able to talk to you for a few minutes before she had to leave. You had told her as much as you could before apologizing for interrupting her morning. You had to get to work anyway, but you couldn’t help but wonder what the hell was going on. Rather, who the hell had left you a box of kittens and a creepy ass note?

You make it to work on time, somehow, and despite your hectic morning you smile at the first person you see as you enter the building. Erin. You had already put Milo in his kennel after giving him a little extra breakfast for making him wait much longer than usual, so you are only holding the kittens when you greet Erin.

“Good morning, Erin.”

Erin smiles as she sticks her phone and keys in her pocket before doing a double take. She wasn’t sure what you were holding, but as she gets a little closer, she sees that the box is not a box of donuts like she’d originally thought. You notice her looking and you’re quick to explain the odd arrangement in your hands.

“Morning Dr. Y/L/N. What do you have there?”

You sigh as you put the box down on the treatment table. You really had wanted to get a different one because this one was falling apart, but you’d already been running late and you really didn’t have a suitable alternative, so here you were. You watch as Erin peeks into the box before repeating what you’d told Billie. Minus the cursing of course.

“Five kittens were left in this box in front of my door this morning. Only two were alive, and they seem pretty weak.”

Erin frowns as you say this, and she reaches into the box to pet the smaller kitten that is still wrapped in a hand towel. You don’t mention the creepy note. You’d only told Billie because you were a little freaked out. However, she’s managed to calm you down and say that it was probably some random creep from your building, not Doug.

You push these thoughts to the back of your mind before you nod at what Erin says next. You were only half listening but you hope that you assume correctly.

“That’s so sad and messed up. Who do you think left them?”

You sigh in defeat as you take the three dead kittens out of the box and set them on the table. You want to make sure that they’re taken care of before your first appointment.

“It really is. I’m not sure who left them. I honestly don’t know many of my neighbors.”

With Erin’s help, the two of you take care of all five kittens and figure out what you’re going to do with them before your first appointment. You know that they need to be taken care of and checked on frequently. You can’t ask any of the technicians to do that because they already have their hands full with surgeries this morning. So you spend all of your free time in between appointments taking care of them when you can and feeding them formula.

Your boss isn’t in today, but almost everyone knows about the kittens’ presence before lunch time. You know it is a lot of responsibility, taking care of practically newborn kittens, so you aren’t surprised when no one jumps at the chance to take them in. You are already thinking of places to call when your phone starts to vibrate from your pocket.

You put the kitten in your hands, you’ve named them already despite your better judgement, back in the bed you’ve made before you reach for your phone. You see it’s Billie and sigh before looking at the time. You are done with appointments for the morning, all you really need to do is walk Milo.

“Hi Billie.”

You answer the phone as you walk to the kennels to grab Milo. You can’t really hear what Billie says immediately because it’s a lot louder than you thought it would be. You grab Milo quickly before retreating to the yard where the labs are already playing. You smile at some of the assistants sitting on the benches before heading out further into the yard.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Billie had returned home a little while ago, and she had decided to check in on you since you should be on lunch. You had told her about the kittens and the note, but she’d literally been on her way to the interview so you hadn’t been able to really discuss it. She realizes that you are outside with Milo because she hears barking and traffic, but she doesn’t get to ask before you’re speaking again.

“Shit, I forgot. How was your interview this morning?”

You’re wandering around the yard, making sure not to step in any mud puddles or anything other than grass. You glance over to your dog who is running back and forth between dogs trying to steal a tennis ball, before you focus back on Billie’s voice when she speaks up.

“It was fine, Y/N. Not nearly as exciting as your morning though.”

You smile at this before you shake your head in disagreement. You weren’t sure why Billie never seemed to want to talk about her interviews. You always assumed that they were more fun than she made them seem, but you knew now wasn’t the time to talk about this.

“So you talked about your show?”

Billie sighs more to herself than at you as she takes another drag of her cigarette. She was exhausted already, and it was barely noon. She had a lot more to do today, but she definitely wasn’t in the mood. She would much rather help you take care of these new kittens.

“We did. Only a couple of weeks before it airs.”

You smile at this before nodding to yourself. You pet Milo as he comes to say hi to you, and you take the ball that he offers you with a smile. You look at it for a moment before you realize how covered in mud and saliva it is. You groan under your breath and chuck it across the yard before responding to Billie.

“That’s so exciting Billie. I can’t wait to watch it!”

You mean this and you smile wider when Billie laughs in return. You two talk a bit about how you are going to watch it together as soon as it airs. You throw around ideas and you’re already looking forward to a night of cuddling on the couch with Billie.

Eventually you change the subject to the kittens that you need to check on again. The smaller one that you’ve dubbed Charlie wasn’t doing so well. He, or she, you honestly couldn’t tell, wasn’t eating as much and barely moved. The other kitten, Bo, was bigger, more active, and would definitely be trouble. You could already tell from how much he moved around and refused to listen to you. Not that you really thought either of them understood much at their age.

Billie laughs at the news of the new kitten’s names. She wasn’t sure why she thought you wouldn’t have names for them yet. You had only told her about half a dozen times how you made sure every single animal you met had a name.

“You said Bo was the troublemaker?”

Billie’s putting out her cigarette as she watches the clock on the oven. She only has a few minutes before she needs to be on a conference call. You laugh before telling Billie a little more about the kittens. You are already head over heels for them, but you really can’t keep them. You sigh as you say this to Billie before throwing the ball for Milo one last time.

“They’re adorable, but they’re a lot of work as you know. I don’t think I can do it on my own.”

You have a full-time job that you may not be working full time at right now, but you will be once you recover. Milo is honestly the only pet you can have right now, but you can’t just dump the kittens on someone else. You just have to see what you can figure out. Make a few calls and hopefully find these two adorable gray kittens a good home.

It’s only 6 hours later that you are on your way home with Milo and two kittens. You aren’t surprised that you ended up in this situation. Despite all the effort you put into finding a shelter, foster family, literally anyone else to take these kittens, you had come up with nothing. Well, that wasn’t true. You came up with a possible lead that someone needed to check on, but that would take at least a couple of days. You weren’t sure that it wouldn’t fall through and you were already preparing yourself to take care of these kittens until they were, well as old as Billie’s cats were now.

You sigh as you open the door to your apartment carefully. You watch as Milo walks in first. You honestly hadn’t bothered putting his leash on because you had your hands full, but he was good and stuck by your side. This was mostly because he wanted to play with the kittens, but you would take what you could get at the moment because it seemed like you were getting very little.

You shut the door behind you with a sigh before locking it and heading to the kitchen. You’d gotten rid of the dirty old box from this morning and now had a small litterbox that was going to house the kittens until you bought a more suitable alternative. You look under the blanket that you had laid on top of the kittens and you smile as you watch them squirm. They are just waking up and you set the blanket back on them briefly before you put your bags down.

You brought home a lot of things for them and you were just now realizing how much as you set it all down in front of you. There was formula, more blankets since you didn’t have a bed for them, and an assortment of bowls. You cursed your inability to make decisions before you got to work making the kittens’ next meal.

Milo just watches as you run around the kitchen and feed the small mewling furballs. He tries to jump up and get a better look once you put them down, but he stops short as you grab the box they’re in and head to the living room. You sigh as you look around and try to figure out what to do next. How the hell are you going to make this work?

Billie is finally done working for the day. She is just about to check on the kittens for the last time when you call her. She’d asked Michelle to buy a pen that she could keep downstairs so they could spend more time outside of the laundry room. They were really starting to spend more time awake and it was entertaining to watch them sometimes. Billie returned to the kitchen for her phone before she headed toward the kittens. She saw it was you and smiled before answering.

“Hi, sweetheart.”

You smile despite how tired you are before collapsing on the couch with the kittens in your lap. Well, the box is in your lap and you just stare down at them as you sigh in exhaustion.

“Hi, Billie. How was the rest of your day?”

As Billie tells you about her busy day, you just watch the kittens squirm around. They aren’t very active, which isn’t surprising, but you still feel the need to watch them closely and make sure they don’t get into trouble. You don’t realize that Billie has stopped speaking until she calls your name twice. You cringe at the fact that you spaced out and missed who knows how much before you sigh again.

“Sorry Billie. I just got distracted by the kittens.”

Billie frowns slightly at this and she glances to her own kittens who are bouncing around excitedly. Mickey is tackling one of his siblings, and Billie swears her heart melts at the sight.

“You weren’t able to find anyone to take them off your hands?”

You shake your head before thinking back to what Mina had said. You relay this to Billie before you have to stifle a yawn. You don’t do a very good job though because Billie clearly hears it.

“Not yet. Mina might know someone, but she’s got to get in touch with them first. For now, they’re with me.”

Billie’s frown deeps as she thinks of all the reasons why she doesn’t like this. You’re still supposed to be taking it easy, and she knows firsthand how time-consuming taking care of kittens is. You sound exhausted and Billie is already thinking of different ways to help you out.

“I hope she finds someone for you soon, Y/N. You already sound exhausted.”

You know that Billie is only concerned about you, but you frown in annoyance because you don’t really have another choice. You’re going to take care of these kittens whether you really want to or not, but hopefully it won’t be for more than a couple of days.

When Thursday rolls around and you still have the kittens, you realize how naïve you’d been. The first couple of days were hell like you thought they would be, but there were little reprieves throughout the day while at work. Someone else would check on Bo and Charlie, everyone loved their names, or a cancellation in your schedule gave you more time to play catch up.

However, Thursday morning you’re not even at lunch yet and you have a raging headache. You’d stayed up late last night taking care of the kittens because when you went to check on them before bed, you noticed that Charlie wasn’t moving. You had hoped he was asleep, but he was actually blue and barely breathing. You had done what you could before rushing to the hospital where you stayed until only a few hours before you had to go to work.

Now you were falling asleep at your computer while you tried to work on a medical record. You reached for your water bottle since you couldn’t take any more pain meds right now, but you miscalculate and it tumbles to the floor spilling water everywhere.

“Shit!”

You hurry to pick up the bottle you stupidly left open and looked around for something to clean it with when there was a knock on your door. You turn, abandoning the mess for now, to see Mina standing in the doorway with a concerned look.

“Everything okay?”

You just nod before getting off the floor and sitting back in your chair. You cringe slightly as you nod which undermines your response but that’s okay for now. Luckily Mina has some news for you.

“All good, thanks. What’s up?”

Mina smiles as she tells you about her friend’s friend that finally figured out how she could take the kittens.

“She says that her parents will take her dog for a couple weeks so she can keep them until we can adopt them out.”

You sigh in relief before smiling widely at the news. You shoot Mina a grateful look before feeling yourself relax. The tension and stress that has built up for the past couple of days leaves your body and you feel lighter.

“Thank you, Mina. That’s great news! Do I need to meet them somewhere?”

Mina shook her head and said that she could take them to her after work today. You were tempted to hug her, but you had a lot of dog hair on you and probably some water, so you held back. Still you were smiling as you thanked her again. You were ready to sleep through the night again for sure.

“Thank you so much. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”

The rest of the day goes much better for you because simply knowing that you will sleep better brightens your mood. You still have your damn headache, but even that gets better after the first couple of afternoon appointments. It’s not until the end of the day, that you realize you have to say goodbye to the kittens. At least for the next couple of weeks. You wander back to isolation where they’re being kept with a frown. You watch them just sleep and occasionally squirm for a few minutes before you realize that you’re no longer alone.

You move out of the way so Mina can join you in the small room before asking despite already knowing the answer.

“Time to go?”

Mina has all of her things and she just nods before moving to collect the kittens. They mewl a little at being disturbed and you smile at the adorable sight before holding the door open for her. You follow the brunette out and sigh as she turns to leave.

“See you soon kittens. Please thank her again for me?”

Mina just nods in agreement before she heads out to the parking lot, and you sigh again before remembering that you have your own things to collect before you can leave for the night. You don’t work tomorrow or this weekend, so you have a nice long time to catch up on some sleep. You’re so eager to get home and sleep that you forget your phone upstairs, and you’re so tired you consider leaving it there. Deciding against it, you hurry to your office to grab it before running back downstairs to where your dog is whining impatiently. You silence him with a quick scratch before heading for the parking lot. You put your phone in your pocket without bothering to check it, so you miss the fact you have a couple of missed calls and two new text messages from Billie.

Are you still at work, sweetheart?

Do you want to come over after?

Part 21

TAGLIST ❤: @madamevirgo, @illuminated-blue, @delias-bitch-craft

#american horror story #ahs #american horror story fanfic #ahs fanfic #ahs imagine #ahs murder house #billie dean howard #billie dean howard x reader #billie dean howard imagine #my fic #a little bit #proofread this while sick so....sorry in advance lol

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liibrii · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter 3: In the light, your name

Ojiro Aran x fem!reader

Series Masterpost || Ch. 1 || Ch. 2

wc: 4.7k

warnings: time skip spoilers, swearing, internalised guilt and shame, intrusive thoughts, self doubt, drinking.

a/n: this only took forever cause I got carried away (what a surprise). if you wanna be tagged in future chapters lemme know, and as always feedback is greatly appreciated!

A step forward, two steps back. Like a dance, just like his mother taught him, dancing and laughing back home, only this dance holds no joy, only cruel turns and twirls and your hand slipping from his as fate whisks you away.

“One Ace special coming up!“ Osamu places a plate of freshly made onigiris in front of Aran. They look amazing, as if taken directly out of one of those fancy cooking books. The practice had been especially gruelling that day and yet Aran has no appetite. All he wants is to go home and sleep. He would have, if Gao hadn't dragged him to the newly opened Tokyo branch of Onigiri Miya.

More out of politeness than really being hungry he takes a bite. It's good, much better than ones he remembers Osamu bringing to practice. “Woah, this is tasty!“

Osamu practically beams at Aran's praise. Even he has changed, notices Aran. Has he grown a little? The grey of his hair is gone, and he smiles so much more. Aran doesn't remember ever seeing him so talkative.

Has everyone changed so much while he wasn't paying attention?

While chewing he pulls phone from his bag, in some silly hope there'd be a message from you. But the screen is empty and seeing his screensaver is almost a mocking to his hopes. What else did he expect? People don't always mean what they say, but a storm doesn't mean to blow away roofs either.

Lost in his thoughts Aran barely takes notice when Gao says his goodbye and other customers slowly start leaving.

Osamu closes the shop then places two more cans of beer on the counter. Without much enthusiasm Aran opens the can and pours the fizzling liquid into a glass. Which drink was it, third? Fourth? For a moment he considers telling Osamu everything. About you, how he feels and how he screwed up. Just to get it out there. But Aran knows Osamu talks to Atsumu, and Atsumu never learned what keeping a secret means. So he blames his sour mood on practice.

Even if Aran was a good liar Osamu'd see through his little ticks. They've been the same ever since elementary school and so obvious; the nervous scratching of his nails, rubbing of his neck. Ever since he'd grown a beard he added rubbing it to the list.

“I should probably get goin',“ says Aran before downing half the glass in one long gulp.

“What's a few more minutes?“ Osamu doesn't bother pouring his beer. “I'll clean up later. Don't have any other plans anyway.“

A low chuckle leaves Aran's lips. “Life goin' that good, yeah?”

“Could say that. Could be far worse. How about ya?“

Aran massages his temples. He's getting light headed and still he takes another long sip. “Like ya said, could be far worse. Had a rough couple weeks. Women, ya know?“

Osamu hums and nods, wisely. “Women. Got dumped, did ya?“

“In a way...“

“What happened, did ya forget her birthday or somethin'?“

Aran laughs. Oh no, he knows exactly when your birthday is. “Said somethin' stupid.“

“Just somethin'? If she gets upset so fast then maybe she's trouble.“

“Wasn't like that. She trusted me and I... had a bad day and took it out on her.“

Osamu takes an onigiri Aran hasn't touched yet. “Have ya apologised?“ He asks with his mouth full. “Should start with that,“ he continues after Aran shakes his head, “treat her to dinner. I know some good restaurants if ya want. Or better, cook somethin' yerself.“ He opens the browser on his phone. “What's her favorite food?“

Aran tells him. “Whichever recipe ya find I can tell ya right now I can't cook it.“

“I found a few even Tsumu can make,“ laughs Osamu still scrolling through his phone. “What's she like? More into fancy stuff or more homey? Fried rice's easy but not very fancy, more of a safe bet. Maybe with an omelette. I can show ya how to make it to look like a panda. Success guaranteed!“

“How can omelette look like a panda? It's yellow.“

“A yellow bear then,“ Osamu shruggs before putting away his phone. “Does she like bears?“

“Does- I ain't sure...“

“Ya don't know?“

“No! Why would I? Is that what ya ask folk ya take on dates?“

“Usually I ask what they think about apple curry.“

“I don't think she likes apple curry... Or maybe she does...“ He gloomily stares at the empty glass in front of him. “Gimme one more.“

Osamu obliges and pours him one more, deciding this is the last one for him. Aran's eyes are getting glassy and he dreamily observes the white foam before downing half the glass.

“We went down to the Kamakura beach,” he says, scratching at his immaculate fingernails. “She looked s' pretty in the sunset... She likes sunsets... I think. Ain't sure 'bout anythin' these days.“

“Everyone likes sunsets,“ nods Osamu. “Never trust people who don't like seein' sunsets. I'm tellin' ya, buy her some udon. Or bring her here, I'll give ya a special discount.“

Aran bursts into laughter. “He'll know then...“ Osamu leans his head to the side, wondering what his old teammate meant by that. “She's ex of a friend.“

“Ow,“ is all Osamu says. That explains everything. You don't date a friends' ex. “Sorry. She sounds great.“

“Yeah, yeah she is... Kinda almost like a whasit's called again, kotatsu? Warm...“ He's just blabbering now, his mind a hazy labyrinth of disconnected thoughts. He misses you, he misses you so bad, and he fucked up, and he doubts cooking you a dinner would repair the damage he's done. Once it would be pretty easy to bribe you with the right snacks but you've changed. You've changed so much he still fears he doesn't know you at all. “Hey Samu? Hav' I changed?“

“Yea? I doubt the old Aran-kun wouldda come to me for advice.“

Corners of Aran's lips perk up. Why is his glass empty? “Yer a good guy ‘Samu. Can ya call me a taxi? I've got practice t'morrow.“

He has to stop visiting Onigiri Miya on the evenings Aran thinks on another morning after drinking and talking with Osamu till late night hours. The cool breeze of the early morning hours is refreshing but isn't doing anything to ease the hammering in his head. Sky without a cloud promises the day to be sunny and hot. Aran's just glad he found his sunglasses ad that the gym has air conditioning.

There's a distant ringing in his ears. Ringing that doesn't stop and causes other people on the train to send him sideway looks. It's because his phone is ringing but he's too focused on trying not to throw up to notice. He only does so once he's walking the short walk from the train station to the gym. Seeing your name over the 'missed call' almost makes him drop the phone. He calls you back, frantically tapping his fingers on his arm, hoping you'll pick up. You don't.

The sun is too bright. Pouring rain would be more appropriate to his mood. Aran's glad he can hide from the warm rays inside the gym. No matter his mood volleyball always takes his mind off things, and even now he hopes it will help him see things more clearly. The thought of you has become a wind chime, singing at every little thing that makes him think of you. Staying focused on the ball in front of him is harder than expected. But first and foremost he's a professional volleyball player with a new season just around the corner. He can't let his team, his fans down. Since your first year of high school you've been his supporter too. He can't let you down.

When his phone rings again he’s in the middle of receiving drills and this call too goes unanswered. Instead your message waits for him.

(9. 45) Aran are u free this Sunday? the shrine down the street is holding a festival. wanna come?

A wide smile spreads over his face. He's more than happy to come he writes back, his smile spreading even wider when only a few moments later you text him place and time.

“Ojiro what are you looking at?“ Gao peers over his shoulder and Aran quickly puts his phone away.

“Nothin'“

“Nothing, ey? Does the nothing have a name?“

Aran rolls his eyes and heads for the showers, ignoring the teasing laughter of his teammates. Honestly, he's too excited to see you to care.

Aran glances on his phone to check the time. Five more minutes and he'll be only ten minutes early. He kicks the small stone form the pavement onto the road. Then he straightens his shirt. Maybe this colour wasn't the right choice after all, maybe you would've liked the red one better. Once in passing Akagi said red looked good on him. He sends you a short message, letting you know he's already here.

Minutes later he catches the sight of your figure manoeuvring between visitors flocking towards the many stands. “Sorry, I got worried all the best mochi'd sell out,“ you apologise, pointing to plate full of different kinds of mochi in your hand. “Samu isn't here yet?“

“No.“ His heart clenches. He didn't even think about the possibility of you inviting anyone else. “He's probably just late,“ he quickly adds, “let me call him.“

“Always late,“ you complain, “tell him I got his mochi but if he doesn't appear soon I'll just eat them myself. Want one?“

He declines the sweet and you shrug. While he waits for Osamu to pick up he avoids looking at you. The call goes unanswered. “I'll send him a message.“

“Tell him every minute he's late is a free onigiri,“ you mumble, your mouth full of delicious mochi. “And he's paying for drinks. I saw a stand with soya smoothies up the street. And a stand with takoyaki.“

“Have ya mapped out all the food stands?“ chuckles Aran.

“Well you know Samu, food is his best motivator. You sure you don't want one?“

He gives in and takes the matcha one. He watches with a fond smile as you stuff an entire mochi in your mouth.

“What?“ you mumble when you catch him staring.

“Ya look like a hamster.“

You roll your eyes in an effort to cover the smile creeping on your face. “Very funny. How's life?“

“It's fine,“ he nods, awkwardly.

“Good.“

“Yeah.“ He rubs his chin. The beard is getting a little long. He glances over at you. He should say something. But what? “I'm really sorry about what I said,“ he finally utters. “I do care. About you.“

“We all say things we don't mean, right?“ The soft look in your eyes makes his throat tighten. He hurt you and yet here you are. Reaching out, again. “It's all water under the bridge. Besides, I really missed hanging out with you. So, where do ya wanna go?“

“Shouldn't we wait for Osamu?“

“Nah. It's his fault for being late, he'll find us. And he better buy us those smoothies. Want one more mochi? You should really try the chocolate one, it's amazing.“

Never again. Aran doesn't want to see you hurt ever again.

The festival is crowded, which is to be expected in Tokyo, and he keeps an eye out for you. The last thing he wants is to lose you somewhere in the sea of people. He stays close, quietly delighting in seeing your excitement over different attractions of the festival. A few times your hand brushes against his, sending a shiver down his spine.

Osamu never shows up, messaging about an hour later he got stuck at work, promising you both as many onigiri as you'd like the next time you come around Onigiri Miya. “A shame. I was hoping to hang out with him while he's still in Tokyo.“

“He'll have time in the future,“ says Aran, doing his best to ignore the pang of jealousy in his chest.

“Probably. But will there be fresh soya smoothie for him to treat me to?“

Aran buys you the smoothie you so crave, grinning upon seeing your excitement. You walk around the festival grounds and from time to time he steals sips of your smoothie. You pout and nag he should buy one for himself but don't stop him.

As night falls you search for a good place to watch the fireworks from. Just after they start Aran puts his hand on the small of your back to gently push you forward so you'd see better. But you don't budge and he bumps into you, his chest to your back. The sounds of festival fade, as if the crowd disappeared and all that remains is you, looking at him, fireworks reflecting in your eyes. The softness of your gaze causes his heart to do somersaults. You snicker and flick his nose.

Tease, he thinks and tickles you. He wishes he could properly put his arms around you and rest his head on your shoulder. He wishes he was here as more than just your friend. He wishes he alone would be enough of a reason for you to always have the same soft look in your eyes.

But if Kita, the perfect Kita Shinsuke, Kita who knew you better than anyone wasn't enough, how could he be?

His hand lingers on your arm for a heartbeat longer. He could try, he could always love you with all he has and hope you'd love him back, hope he could be enough. But if he failed... he'd only hurt you more, wouldn't he? And you've been hurt enough.

During lunch break his phone rings and his hearts jumps, hoping it's you. But instead Osamu's name is written over the screen. A bit disappointed Aran picks up.

“Aran-kun whatcha doin' this Saturday?“ Not even a'hello'. So many years and still so rude.

“Practice till afternoon, then watchin' a movie.“

“Amazin'! Want some company?“

A boys' night out? Why not? It would be nice to spend some time with someone who wasn't his teammate. “'Course.“

Osamu laughs. “Knew ya would. I happen to know someone interested in a blind date. I'll tell her to meet ya at the cinema.“

“What? Osamu I'm not really one for blind dates-“

“The ex of a friend. She's Kita-san' ex, isn't she?“ Aran's silence is an answer enough. “Ya asked me for advice. This is it, go out, try meetin' someone else. Whatever you want to have with her it won't end well.“

Aran knows. He knows all that. He knows you returning his feelings would be the worst case scenario. Sooner or later he'd have to tell Kita. “I know,“ he says. “I know that.“

Osamu doesn't answer immediately, waiting if Aran will add anything else. “Just go on this one date, see how it goes.“

“I'll think about it.“

He does think about it. The entire day in fact. Meeting someone new would be nice and who knows, she might be the one he's waiting for. A part of him, the guilty part that's been way too loud in the past weeks, stays firmly against the idea. Searching for the right one when you're right here. What if this blind date is just a crazy fan who somehow found her way to meeting him? And what about you, it asks? It would be cruel wouldn't it, leading you on while going on dates behind your back.

But he isn't leading you on, Aran argues with the voice inside his head, you're just a friend anyway. He cares about you yes, but only as a really good friend. Osamu is right, you should never be more than that. You're Kita's ex. And you don't date your friend's ex. So why break his heart further?

(17.48) I'll go on the date. send me time and place.

That's the thing about making plans, the moment you make them something else comes up. Just the following day his phone rings, making his heart flutter when he sees your name.

“Hey.“ Your voice alone makes him smile. “I, uhm, I have a request.“

No beating around the bush. It makes Aran wonder if you've been hanging with Osamu so much you picked up his habits. “Oh, do ya?“

“Yeah. It’s is a bit awkward... Listen, I have a very important exam next week but my roommate's gonna have her boyfriend over for the entire weekend. Let's just say earplugs aren't helping and leave it at that, yeah? So, could I maybe crash at your place till then? I just need a quiet place to study. I can sleep on the couch! Or the floor, I really don't care!“

“'Course ya can,“ says Aran without hesitation.

This is how we finds himself sitting with a bunch of your notes in his lap, you leaning on his back explaining one of the questions. There are at least 4 empty mugs on the desk of his living room. He hopes you've left some coffee for breakfast.

He's amazed by how naturally you fit into his life. Almost like the space beside his shoes in the closet was meant for yours and the jacket hanging beside his was always meant to be there. You've even found your favourite mug already. The bedroll on the floor of the living room is the only reminder you're only crashing at his place for a couple of days. If you asked he'd let you stay longer.

The next morning you wake up the same time as him, sipping your first cup of coffee for the day, half asleep and draped in the hoodie he strategically left on the counter last night. You don't even raise a brow when he takes your phone and asks you to unlock it. “I'll send ya a playlist. Just some classical music. It's good for studyin'.“

“Sure,“ you answer in a groggy voice. “Have fun bouncing the ball around,“ you wave him off when he gets ready to leave.

Your sleepy face makes him smile for the rest of the day. Practice runs longer than usual and he returns late, stepping over two stairs at the time. The lights are still on when he enters but there's no answer when he calls out. He finds you behind the desk, so absorbed in your notes you don't notice his approach. When he places his hands on your shoulders you jump and shriek. “Aran!“ You remove your headphones. “Do you want to give me a heart attack?!“ He laughs and you smack his leg before he sits on the floor beside you.

“Is the material so interestin'?“ He looks over your many notes and pushes an empty mug to the edge of the table.

“I was listening to music,“ you rub your eyes. He notices they look a bit reddish. He takes your phone and clicks the play button and music continues. It only takes him a moment to recognise the piece.

“Dmitri Shostakovich, Waltz number 2. My mom's favourite. Used to dance to it with dad every Thursday.“

“That's sweet.“

He stands up and offers you his hand. “Come, ya need a break.“

You take his hand without question, only raising your brow when he places his left hand on your back. “Ya have to put your hand on my shoulder,“ he grins to your more than apparent confusion.

“Oh, right,“ you mumble. “I can't really dance you know. Not waltz at least.“

He gently holds your right hand in his and gives you a reassuring squeeze. “Don't worry, I'll teach ya. I start with my right foot forward, ya step back with yer left, yep, just like that, then my left foot forward,“ you jump in surprise when he turns you around, “and the first turn, now yer right foot forward, then left, and turn. See, it ain't hard.“

“Easy for you to say,“ you disagree, your eyes fixed on his feet and your mind preoccupied with trying not to step on his toes.

“Just follow my lead,“ grins Aran, gently pulling you a little closer.

He counts the steps and beats in his head and step after another you relax and follow his lead. All those Thursdays when dad wasn't home and mom pulled him into taking his place are finally paying off.

“I didn't know you could dance so well.“

Aran laughs at your words and gently pushes you into a twirl under his arm. “I guess there's a lot ya don't know,“ he says when he pulls you closer again.

You follow his steps and soon begin catch on the slightest of his moves. Music changes but you don't let go so you dance on through his living room, off beat and saying quiet 'Sorry's,' every time you step on his toes. The way your brows furrow when you mess up is adorable but Aran doesn't give you the time to ponder over the mistake, pulling you into the next turn with ease and certainty of someone who has danced these steps countless times.

When the last song ends Aran leaves his hand on your back. You're so close, your hand in his. Looking and smiling at him. His eyes linger on your lips. It would take so little to close the space between you. So little that would change so much.

He pulls away.“ Do ya want tea?“

“Don't I always?“ you muse and head to put the water on, then open the cupboard but the last cups stand on the highest shelf and even on your tiptoes you can't reach them. Aran gently pushes you to the side and reaches for them. “Here.“

He pours himself a glass of water then pulls his phone out to check the time. Shit. The blind date. That's today! He glances over at you, making your tea, humming the melody of the last song you danced too. His heart drops.

What is he doing? He can't... This is getting out of control. He clenches the glass tighter. You're so close, he wouldn't even have to fully extend his arm to tap your shoulder. If, right here and now, he told you how he feels, how would you react? He lifts the glass to his lips. Probably not in the way he wants you to. A leap of faith, one that could take him anywhere. To the love of his life, he thinks watching you stir, or to the stone to shatter the friendship you both tried so hard to rebuild. A risk he doesn't have the courage to take.

The half empty glass he leaves in the sink draws your attention. You watch Aran head for the bedroom and you don't think much of it. It's his apartment, he can do what he wants. It's only when almost ten minutes pass that you decide to poke your head through the door to see what he's up to. The clothes he's wearing certainly aren't what one would wear for staying at home. “Going somewhere?“ you ask, curious as to why he's wearing a pretty alright polka dotted shirt.

“I have a date.“ He awkwardly fixes his collar. He doesn't want to meet your eyes.

There's a short silence before you answer. “A date? In this shirt?“

Your judgemental tone makes him turn. “What's wrong with this shirt?”

You scrunch up your nose. “It gives you that,“ you wiggle your fingers, “successful businessman in his forties looking for a wife vibes.“

“What's wrong with that?“

“What's wrong with-?! Aran! You're a professional athlete!“ You enter his bedroom and start looking through the closet. “Don't you get invited to fashion shows and stuff? One would expect you'd get some fashion sense purely through osmosis. Ouch!“ you yelp when he playfully smacks your shoulder. “Here, this one.“ You hand him a shirt of dark violet colour.

He takes it from your hands and inspects it. Then he hands it back. “I like this one better. And I'm runnin' late already anyway.“

You shrug and hang it back. “As you wish Mr. CEO. Wait, are you bringing your date back here?! Shit, I need to clean up my stuff.“

“Relax. I'm not bringin' anyone back. It's a blind date anyway. Ya keep studyin' alright? I'll be very disappointed if ya don't get the highest mark.“

“What do you mean a blind date? Damn, I didn't expect that from you player boy,“ you tease and it's a distraction enough for Aran to miss the forced smile.

“Osamu's idea.“

A small “Ah,“ is all you reply at first. “Get going then, being late is the worst you can be on the first date!“ You push him out of the room. “Have fun, don't say anything stupid, and don't only talk about volleyball.“

“It's not my first date y/n, gosh, stop bein' such a mom. Why are ya so excited anyway?“

“Probably too much caffeine.“

When he returns you're still up. You have two cups of tea ready before he even takes his shoes off.

“So, how was it?“ You push the cup across the table. “Come on, come on, no need to be shy,“ you grin, “tell me!“

Aran rolls his eyes at your sudden excitement. “It was nice, but nothin’ special,“ he tells you.

“Just nice?“ You tap your fingers on the table. Aran recognises the rhythm, it's one of your favourite songs. You sent it to him a few days ago. “Dating must be harder now that you're famous,“ you say, absent-mindedly. “Or is it easier?“

Before answering he takes a cracker from the bowl on the table. “Harder,“ is the answer he settles on. “Ya never know if they're attracted to ya or yer status. What about ya?“ He focuses on chewing crackers and taking small sips of tea, anything to keep from glancing at you.

“Ah you know,“ you sigh, “have enough other problems at the moment. College is messing with my head enough already. Why put another person in the mix?“ This time Aran doesn't miss how your voice trembles, and how you rub your forehead. Maybe you just have a light headache. You do look exhausted.

He changes the subject, feeling the talk of dating is quickly approaching dangerous territory. “How are ya feelin'? With studyin' and all?“

You lean on your hand. “Could be much worse. It's just a lot. Probably should have started with studying earlier.“

“But with work ya didn't even have enough time, right? Don't be too hard on yerself.“

“Actually, I quit. I thought it would help me focus on studying,“ you say upon seeing his questioning gaze.

“Ya know what will help ya study better? Some good night's sleep.“ He takes your empty cup. “I'll do the dishes, ya go ready for bed. No talkin' back,“ he points his finger to your face, “ my house, my rules. No stayin' up past midnight.“

“It's one in the morning.“

“Past time for ya to go to bed then young lady.“

After that you don't protest and before he even finishes doing the dishes you're snuggled on your bedroll and half asleep. Seeing you fills him with warmth. He could get used to this, coming home to you every night. He turns the lights off.

When he lays in his bed he wonders what's with the sinking feeling in his chest. There's anger. Why were you so excited for his date in the first place? Why did you look almost disappointed when he said it was nothing special? He hugs his pillow, thinking he'd much rather it was you in his arms. You must be soft. If only you'd be here, his nose filled with the scent of your shampoo. Teeth of shame sink in his heart. Why does he have to feel like this?

He wants you to be jealous. It's so damn childish, he knows that. It's something his teenager self felt when you hugged Kita after a game but only gave him a high five and a head pat.

How long is he going to keep lying to himself? He's in love with you. Not the you he remembers. You here and now. You sipping your fourth cup of coffee, you frantically flipping through notes wearing one of his old hoodies. That at least hasn't changed; you still steal any hoodie you can get your grabby little hands on. Not steal, he corrects himself, borrow. You borrow them. For an undetermined period of time.

He buries his face in the pillow. You're not the always cheerful manager he remembers anymore. But you are still you.

Tag list: @aonenthusiast @rosecaffelatte @kara-grayson04

#ojiro aran #ojiro aran x reader #ojiro aran imagine #ojiro aran x y/n #aran x reader #aran x y/n #aran x you #hq #haikyuu fanfic #haikyuu x reader #inarizaki x reader #inarizaki x y/n #all that is gold #libri scribbles

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imagineclaireandjamie · 5 years ago

Text

Shielded. Chapter Four

Happy Sunday all, back to the usually scheduling this week. I hope you enjoy the next week of lockdown with Jamie and Claire <3 Mod MBD.

Anonymous said to imagineclaireandjamie:

It does not matter what you bear, but how you bear it. [Seneca]

CHAPTER FOUR: WEEK TWO - Home and Away.

As Monday rolled around again, the weekend having passed by in a blur, Claire sat at the breakfast table with a fresh cup of coffee in her hands. Having ventured down during the day on both Saturday and Sunday, she had hoped to bump into Jamie and pass on her thanks to his generosity but he had been out before sunrise each day and she had been asleep before he’d returned home.

Resolute, however, she chose to spend her day downstairs and hopefully get something on for dinner before he came back so she could at least start the week off right.

Fate, however, wasn’t on her side. By 10pm, with the lasagne tucked away, wrapped in foil, in the fridge, she covered her mouth with a yawn and pulled herself up the stairs to bed.

The crash and smashing of a glass bought her out of her sleep as the clock beside her bed clicked over to 3am. Pulling herself from beneath the sheets, she crept downstairs, eager not to scare him as she approached the kitchen.

“Couldn’t sleep?” She asked, knowing full well he had only just returned home.

He was stood by the sink, cold lasagna on the countertop and his mucky boots still on his feet. With the fork held to his mouth, he smiled as he took another bite of the pasta, chewed and then shook his head. “I havena ever been the best sleeper but it’s lambing season, aye? One of them got into bother and I couldna leave her until I knew she was safe.”

“And she made it?”

“Aye. I was luckier tonight than I was at the weekend.”

“Oh, dear...that doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s the job, I’m afraid. If I didna lose at least a handful a year I’d be shocked.”

It was the first real (and longest) conversation they’d had since she’d arrived and she was suddenly grateful for the company. He was calm, grounded and relaxed in the way a lot of city dwellers weren’t. She could tell in the slump of his shoulders that it didn’t matter how long and awkward his day was, how messy or how little sleep he had gotten the night before, he was still weightless almost, free of the constraint modern living brought to most.

“I wanted to say thank you,” she broke in, remembering the reason she’d half-blindly stumbled down in the middle of the night, “you’ve been so amazing - to get me materials for a garden, that’s...above and beyond the call of duty.”

“Ach,” shaking his head, he finished the last of his supper, balled the tin foil up and placed it in the bin, “dinna fash yersel’ about that. It’s no’ a problem.”

He was embarrassed, she could tell. Abashed, his accent had become incredibly thick and almost impossible to understand. But it was quiet enough here that there was no background noise to blot out his sentence and luckily she didn’t have to ask him to repeat himself.

“Well, nonetheless,” ignoring the slight reddening of his cheeks she continued, “I am very grateful to you. For everything.”

With nothing more to say between them, she waved, smiled and backed off, feeling strangely pleased with herself for breaking the silence between them. Hopefully, she thought as she climbed the stairs back to her room, there would be some evenings in the future when they could eat together and she could show her appreciation by making him something warm and fresh.

-- --

By mid-week, she had yet to see Jamie again. His work was intense, and yet, despite that, he had still managed to begin construction of her tiny garden.

In her haste she had forgotten that she wasn’t allowed outside the house and, as she’d watched the greenhouse foundations being laid, she had become almost inconsolable about the fact that she probably wouldn’t get the chance to tend to any of the produce grown in it.

She knew, however, that safety was more important than new hobbies and she chose, instead, to make detailed lists of the daily needs of each of the seeds and plants Jamie had procured for her.

She started with the tomatoes and grapes, which needed to be contained within the glass walls in order to collect enough light and heat to survive. She noted water levels, soil PH and balance and daily rituals which would need to be abided by in order for the best crop to be formed. It filled most of her days and when the sun went down, she’d swap her notepad for the computer as she researched all the differences she might see in her fruit and veg determined all by the way they were treated as they grew.

Though she had never been an artist, she started to search for youtube videos on how botanical art could be created. Having no coloured pencil crayons or watercolours, she stuck to pencil sketches and began to leave more post-it’s, this time with future predictions on what the garden might produce for the household.

Once again Jamie enjoyed coming home. There had only been a few days lapse in her communications but when he didn’t see her for days, it was the one thing he could rely on to buoy his spirits.

They were different, in so many ways, but on a subconscious level, he pondered to himself at night as he held the drawing of some rare cabbage in his hands, Jamie felt as if they had very many similar quirks. He’d been pleased that his idea to leave her be for as long as she needed had been a success and was grateful she felt at home enough to reform her life around his. Her asking for the garden made him realise how easy it might be for someone else to fit into his own life without causing him much grief.

It was only a small thing, but to him it had made a huge difference. Having lived alone for so long, he had almost forgotten how malleable people could be. Though, he thought as he rifled around in the fridge for more pre-made meals, he had probably just gotten lucky with Claire.

The thought also occurred to him that she had been inadvertently raised more suited to this life than her old one, but he didn’t know enough about her to advance on the notion.

It wasn’t until late on Thursday when they came face to face together. After another heavy day and late night, Jamie finally toe-ed off his work boots at nearly midnight and made his way, quietly, through to the kitchen.

He had not expected to nearly bump straight into Claire has she dished up what looked like a very tasty stir fry.

“I thought you might be sick of reheating pasta dishes, so I thought I’d try and wait for you this time.”

“Ye didna have to, it’s very late.” He scratched the back of his neck bashfully, even she couldn;t find the truth in his words and she smiled as she placed a fresh bottle of soy sauce in the centre of the table. “But this does smell delicious.”

“It’s taken me a few attempts to hone it, but I’ve been practicing most evenings this week to try and get it perfect, flavour as well as how long I need to cook the veg for.”

“What’s the meat?” He asked, watching as his stomach rumbled audibly.”

“I used the duck, I hope you don’t mind. I used chicken earlier in the week but I couldn’t seem to get it as tender as I wanted it and a few forums online suggested that duck might be a better substitute if I wanted meat with a bit more moisture.”

“Perfect. Use any meat you want from the freeze, for anything. Honestly, I forget most of the time what I’ve got in there.”

Placing several bowls filled with various meats, vegetables and sides, she went back to the sink to wash the remaining stickiness of her hands before beckoning him to start without her. “I had hoped you weren’t saving anything for a special occasion.”

“Ach, I think the virus has put pay to anything like that for a while,” he began, filling his plate with noodles, duck and beansprouts, “my sister - she lives in Canada now - had planned a summer visit, but we’re no’ sure of anything at the moment.”

“Is she the one in the photo,” Claire enquired, taking a mouthful of her own concoction and swallowing back the relief when it tasted nice - a mixture of sweet and savory that wasn’t as overpowering or as dry as it had been earlier on in the day when she’d made the first of the final tests. “The one with brown hair?”

“Aye, she is. Her partner, Ian, got a job out there a few years ago and they emigrated. We talk as often as we can on Skype and FaceTime but it’s become sporadic recently wi’ my erratic work hours. She’s a nurse, ya see, and works odd shift patterns too. But we try and keep in touch at least once a month.”

“Do you miss her?”

“I didna really think about it, we were close....until we werena. Then they moved away and I fell into a new routine.”

He had begun to speak without thinking, filling up the silence with answers to her questions as they ate in between conversation. He had, though, had the forethought to stop before giving too much away. The thought hurt his heart and he had to inhale between a bite of his dinner to gather himself back up. He knew, given time, that he would be alright with sharing his past (as he hoped she would be with hers) but tonight wasn’t the night for revelations.

Sensing his reluctance to continue, she moved on, understanding that she herself wasn’t in a place to open up about her own family life.

“I can imagine Skype is about the only way most are communicating at the moment.” Sighing, she started to collect the empty dishes and load the dishwasher. “I’m quite grateful, actually, that I don’t have anyone to keep in touch with. It’s all...quite scary.”

It was the first time Jamie had consciously thought about the pandemic, being cut off from the outside world had its benefits and he felt relieved that he could separate himself from the constant barrage of news that he supposed others would be exposed to. He realised that both he and Claire were unique now, part of a smaller section of society where being remote was almost a blessing rather than a curse.

“If you ever need to talk, lass,” standing, he helped to clean up the remaining mess from dinner, his hand almost brushing against hers as he wiped the countertop down, breaking only to hover for a second before returning to his job, “ye know where I am. Please dinna think you have nobody...if yer concerned, aye?”

“Thank you Jamie.” Pulling her fleece cardigan across her chest she walked slowly to the kitchen door, pausing for a second in the doorway just to make sure she’d left nothing out to go cold and mouldy overnight. “The same to you. I’m a good listener, I promise, if you ever need to talk, or if you need any help.”

She’d been thinking about his life on the farm for a few days now, watching the rolling hills out of her window, seeing the sheep and cattle on the horizon and -very occasionally- seeing the silhouette of him roaming his land. There was little she could do from indoors, she knew, but there had been chores around the house that she could potentially complete. Putting herself to task, she had learned new basic kitchen skills but only this morning she’d noticed the beginnings of a hole on the seam of his trousers as they dried on the rail in the courtyard and she thought it might be something she could tend to...should he be alright with it.

Leaving with the quiet settling calmly between them, she noted the relaxing of the muscles in his face as he smiled and nodded as she turned and carried herself to bed.

Resting against the faux-marble worktop, Jamie closed his eyes as he waited for the soft slam of her bedroom door before he followed her up. She just might, he thought to himself as he undressed himself, taking a towel from his radiator and making his way to the shower, be better equipped for this life than I am.

#anonymous #ask #shielded #Jamie X Claire #;mod mbd

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sansugar · 4 years ago

Text

An ultimate secret

Pairing: Wooyoung x Female Reader

Word count: 4.2k

Genre: Smut

Warnings: rough sex..?, fingering, maybe something else I’m forgetting

--Finally sharing one of my first writings. This is potentially a 3 part series, let me know if you want to read more. Hope you enjoy!--

The train pulled to a halt and your suitcase knocked against your knees, startling you out of an upright doze where your head had been falling forward and jerking back for 45 minutes. A voice over announced the next station and you realised you were already in Seoul. After signing up for a 3 month, intensive course right in the middle of the city, you were excited to be given a second chance at your getting dream job, especially since the end of high school hadn’t worked out because you had been terribly sick. Luckily for you, your brother Seonghwa lived in a dorm just twenty minutes from your new school. With your small savings pot from years of working late nights at the convenience store and not having to pay rent, you would be able to focus all of your time on your studies. Or so you thought.

Exiting the confined tunnels of the station you emerged onto the street, squinting over the blurred, buzzing crowd. Though you recognised the faint smell of tobacco and deep fried chicken, and the clopping of heels across the pavement, you had to take a moment to get your bearings. As you hesitated in the middle of the path, a man leaning casually against a tree caught your eye. He reminded you of a cardboard cut out, slender with hard features, dark hair hanging across one eye. His navy blazer hung open, revealing a band t-shirt underneath, jeans and a belt buckle that caught the sun. You barely recognised your own brother.

“Seonghwa?!”

His face softened with a genuine smile as he strode towards you, arms out. He smelt expensive, like a brand name you’d seen on a billboard, but his enveloping hug was the same as it always had been, like he could wrap his arms around you twice.

“Was your train delayed? I thought maybe I’d missed you.”

“No I don’t think so” you replied, distracted by the of rainbow of advertisements flapping in the street above every shop.

You let him pull your backpack off your shoulders and take the handle of your suitcase before leading you out of the crowds.

“Are you hungry?”

You hadn’t realised until that moment that you had been starving.

“Yes please let’s get something good” you whined, pulling on his arm.

He chuckled, taking you down a maze of side streets to a tiny, hidden restaurant.

The food was delicious and you couldn’t stop yourself from ordering way more than you could eat, especially because you knew Seonghwa would pay. You talked with him more than you had in years. He told you all about his experiences as part of a rookie idol group and you told him all about life back home with your parents. You were lucky that he had just finished album promotions and had some time off to spend with you between training sessions.

When you arrived at the dorms you were quickly introduced to the other members of ATEEZ in a whirl of handshakes and tentative hugs before Seonghwa ushered you to his room to get you unpacked. It had all gone so fast that your mind began to replay Yunho’s warm touch, Mingi’s toothy grin, Wooyoungs constant chatter and San’s smouldering stare. Somewhere in the pit of your stomach you felt excited. How were you going to get any studying done with that around you 24/7?

You placed your suitcase on the bed and began to rummage around in your disorganised mess of clothes when you heard a knock at the doorframe. It was Hongjoong.

“Y/N. Do you mind if I quickly grab something? I left my charger in here” He pointed past you to the bedside table.

“Not at all, go for it”

He knelt down to pull his charger plug out of the wall when it clicked in your head that this was his room.

“Did Seonghwa kick you out of your room? Am I stealing your bed?”

Hongjoong chuckled and shook his head.

“It’s yours for the next three months. I’m happy to bunk with Yunho and Yeosang. A girl needs her privacy. Well, you will be in here with Seonghwa but…you’ll be comfortable”

He smiled at you as he swung his hands around his sides, unsure what to do with them.

“Hongjoong, haven’t you got somewhere to be?” Seonghwa said, appearing at your side.

He gave him a look that you couldn’t quite see and Hongjoong slipped out of the room without a word.

Seonghwa pulled a handful of clothes from your suitcase and began to fold them carefully. You crawled up onto the bed and sat with your back against the wall. The room was small and mostly bare but cosy. Seonghwa’s immaculately made bed was opposite yours and you were reminded of when you had shared a room with him when you were younger. You closed your eyes, feeling content in your new home. But that relaxation was short lived.

“Have you studied today?” Seonghwa asked, brow furrowed as he tried to match your socks.

“No? Classes haven’t started yet”

“But surely you have some work to do? To get a head start?”

“I guess…”

“Y/N. I hope you’re taking this seriously. You’re not always going to have a second chance”

You scowled at your brother, starting to remember why you had celebrated when he decided to become an idol and moved out in the first place.

A few weeks later, classes had started and you had settled into life at the dorm. Like you, the boys were in and out constantly but once a week you all had dinner together, and soon enough you were just a regular member of the team. You played mobile games with Wooyoung, watched dramas with Mingi and had regular arm wrestles with Jongho who was sometimes kind enough to let you win. Yunho would ask you about what you were learning while San tried to teach you to do pull ups and Yeosang would send you song recommendations every other day. Seonghwa had been overbearing and wary at first of the boys stealing too much of your attention but over time he relaxed, appreciative that there were 7 other people looking out for you.

It was a Sunday evening and you were sitting on your bed after a few hours of actual studying to watch a movie on your laptop, the room shadowed as the sun set behind the other buildings. You were snuggled in your blanket, completely engrossed when Seonghwa thumped into the room, flicked on the blinding light and yanked your headphones off your head.

“Hey!”

“What are you doing? Why aren’t you studying?” He scolded.

“I have been studying! Get off my back.”

This had been such a regular argument over the past few weeks, you felt like your responses were scripted. But today, he seemed to have had enough.

“You seem to think you can just get through life with a pretty face and no work Y/N but it doesn’t work that way. I won’t let you laze around here and waste our parents money on a course you don’t even seem to care about”

“What are you talking about? I already studied today. I’ve done all my homework”

Seonghwa grabbed your laptop out of your lap and closed it forcefully.

“This look likes you’re working really hard. Really practising well” he chided.

You glared at him.

“Look Seonghwa, I don’t know what your problem is…”

“My problem? I’m just trying to look out for you. You sit around here all day, wasting time on your phone, watching TV. This isn’t a holiday Y/N. Anyone would think you don’t even want to be successful and employed. If you’re not careful, you’re going to fail this course just like you failed high-school.”

You threw your blanket off your knees, stood up and shoved him. A painful lump rose in your throat, which you held in place, determined not to let him see you cry.

“I had pneumonia you asshole. You were there. How dare you stand there all high and mighty when you did absolutely fuck all with your high-school degree. I’m so sick of you pretending like you’re better than me when all you do is prance around in tight pants on stage.”

His face was like stone as he stood motionless in front of you.

“I know the real you Park Seonghwa and I can see straight through this facade you put up for your fans. You and your fake superiority can get fucked”

You stormed out and slammed the front door behind you with one goal in your mind. You had to get away from him. The lump in your throat became suffocating and tears peeked at the corners of your eyes. Your face felt hot but the hairs on your arms prickled and in that moment you wished you had had enough sense to grab your phone or a jacket on the way out. You walked aimlessly down the road, staring up at the dusty sky, willing your tears to suck back in so the passersby with their dogs would stop looking at you. You replayed his words in your head and saw his constant disapproving face, wondering what had happened to that soft and kind brother that had taken you for lunch those weeks ago. Your brother had always been a bit criticising, but never this cruel. You felt the sudden urge to hurt him, the need to see his face in shock, for once unable to predict you. But how? He had always been the stronger one, the smarter one, always two steps ahead.

You found yourself outside the dance practise building the boys often visited after hours. The lights were still on so you let yourself in, shivering and rubbing your arms. You wandered down the hallway, looking in each of the little square windows when you noticed a familiar brunette in a practise room by himself, music blaring. You slipped past the door and sat on the couch to watch Wooyoung dance, still oblivious to your presence. You had never seen him like this before; wearing a tank top and grey sweatpants, leg muscles straining against the fabric. You watched wide eyed as the bass of the music surged through your chest, playing your heart like a drum, captivated by his lunges that shook the floorboards, the intricate patterns he drew with his body and facial expressions that made you feel all kinds of things in your lower half. He almost jumped out of his skin when he noticed you.

“Fuck Y/N!” He said, running to pause the music on his phone. “You scared me half to death”

“I’m sorry. I just saw you dancing and I…” you trailed off, acutely aware of how flustered and tearful you must still look, trying to hide your face with your hair.

The smile on his face fell as he approached you.

“What happened? Are you ok?” He dipped his head to look into your eyes, softly touching your shoulders, so close you could feel the heat radiating from his body. “Was it Seonghwa again? I swear to god if he’s been on at you again I’ll…” he paused and reconsidered. “I mean I probably won’t do anything…but I will if you want me to”

“I really don’t want to talk about it”

Wooyoung wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close to his chest. He smelt like sweat and deodorant which you inhaled deeply, leaning into his embrace.

“Do you want to get some food?” He asked, stroking your hair.

“No, I’m not hungry.”

“What do you want to do?”

A momentary idea popped into your head. “Could you teach me to dance?”

Wooyoung pulled away far enough to look at your face, a hint of concern and uncertainty in his eyes.

“To dance?”

“It would take my mind off things…teach me the part you were practising”

He laughed nervously but when he saw you were serious, he nodded. You followed him to the middle of the dance floor and he stood just in front of you, legs in a wide stance.

“Okay, so first you go like this…”

Wooyoung showed you sequence and then broke it down into steps. You were shaky at first, but with his help you started to get it, dancing the choreography almost to speed once he turned the music on. You quickly forgot the fight, laughing whenever you got it wrong and Wooyoung playfully yelled at you for not listening to him.

“You’re not low enough. Squat lower! Yes like that. Now thrust your hips. More. Make it bigger. You’re still not doing it right!”

Wooyoung ran over to pause the music and you sighed loudly.

“The hip thrusts are embarrassing” you whined, fanning your hot skin with your hands.

“They are not. Confidence is sexy. You are sexy. Now come on, your form isn’t right”

You caught your breath as he came behind you and ran his fingertips lightly down your sides before settling them on your hips. You felt your body stiffen and skin prickle in anticipation, desperate for him to either slide his hands lower or to put a metre of distance between you.

He did neither, instead putting pressure on the juncture of your thighs to make you squat lower and lean slightly right, his chest flush against your back, sweaty shirt pressing against you. You could feel his hair tickling your neck as his hands slid down your arms to grab your hands and raise them above your head. It took everything you had to stop your thighs from shaking, body completely new to such a low squat position. You didn’t dare move as he analysed you in the mirror, brushing a strand of hair out of your face.

“Just like that” he said dryly as his hands came back to rest on your waist, dark eyes fixed on yours, unconsciously licking his bottom lip

You looked away, at anything other than his intense stare. Were you reading this right? Or did all dancers guide each other with such alluring invasion of personal space? His body shifted and you felt the light press of his bulge against your ass, shattering any notions that this was a normal dance lesson. His breath fanned your shoulder and you thought you should move away, pull his hands off of you, tell him off, anything to remove yourself from the precipice of turning your relationship into something else.

But your hips took a mind of their own and you felt yourself gently grind back against him, drawing an involuntary groan from deep in his throat. You craned your neck to look at him over your shoulder, frozen in the painful squat your mind paid no more attention to. Time stood still as his gaze flicked to your parted lips and you slightly inclined your head in a permissive nod. Before you realised you had moved, he had flipped you around and pressed you hard up against the mirror, licking into your mouth and hands roaming over every inch of your clothed chest. His hips bucked against yours and you reached down to the outside of his sweatpants to palm him, drawing a another long groan from him against your lips.

“Please don’t stop” he panted, planting breathy kisses along your jaw to your collarbone, pausing to inhale your scent and pulling down your t-shirt collar to grant him further access to your skin.

“Can I…” he started to ask, but his hands were way ahead of him, travelling up your shirt, kneading your breasts through the fabric of your bra, forehead pressed into the crux of your neck.

You fingers played on the edge of his pants as you briefly questioned yourself again before diving down to take hold of his hot length, earning a simultaneous groan from both of you. You held tightly but didn’t move, causing him to shamelessly buck up into your hand, his touch abandoning your chest in search of your core, which at this point was embarrassingly wet.

You knew there would be no going back the moment his hand slid down the front of your panties. His middle finger swiped up your slit, flooding warmth into you and you instinctively clenched your walls to feel some friction.

“Holy shit” he breathed, mostly to himself as he inched two fingers deep inside you to curl against your spot, causing you to shudder helplessly beneath him. You were insatiable, weeks of pent up curiosity, fantasises and late night masturbation in the shower caused by living in a house of 7 gorgeous men. It was wrong, it was forbidden and you were intent on riding it straight to hell.

“Please fuck me Wooyoung” you whimpered to the ceiling, shaking at the intensity of which he fingered you, tongue pressing into your neck, drinking you in.

He growled into your skin and captured your lips again with both hands holding your face, the fingers which he had just had inside of you rubbing your own juices on your cheek. You suppressed a laugh at his eagerness and pulled his sweatpants down to his thighs as he pulled your shirt over your head, unclasping your bra and burying his head between your breasts, sucking and grabbing at your flesh.

“Fuck I want you so bad” he said, muffled into your nipple, pulling it between his teeth.

In the space of a breath, he hoisted your leg onto his hip, bunched your skirt up around your waist, pulled your panties to the side and entered you in one swift motion that had you both gasping out.

Time stopped again as he bottomed out, pausing with his forehead pushed against yours, inhaling deeply, fingers digging into your thigh. Your walls were screaming with the sudden stretch and you suppressed a painful sound when he tentatively pulled all the way out and pressed back in. You wrapped your arms around his neck to keep yourself upright and balanced on your one standing leg. He tested a few more erratic thrusts and the pain began to mix with pleasure and an overwhelming desire to be pounded into the mirror but Wooyoung paused his movements.

“I don’t know if I can control myself” he mumbled with shuddering breaths, hair hanging in his eyes.

“Then don’t”

He snaked his arm around the small of your back and jerked your hips closer to his, your head leaning on back the mirror like a rag doll in his hold. He drew his cock back again and you felt every ridge of him before he thrust up into you, setting a bruising pace that made you gasp for air.

“Fuck, I’ve imagined this so many times” he kissed below your ear, bouncing your body with every thrust and your hands fell back flat onto the mirror to hold on for dear life. “You walking around the dorm in your cute sundresses like you don’t know what you do to me.”

Pleasure started to rise from your core to your stomach and you wrapped your leg tighter around his hips, chasing the promise of your release. You leaned back in to capture his lips in a kiss, deeper than you had all night. He held you in that kiss until the pleasure became too much and you had to pull away, sucking in a desperate breath.

“God you’re so fucking perfect. Tell me-ugh…tell me how good it feels”

You moan as the pressure builds, pleasure sparking in multiple directions, but the pain of your wobbly standing leg starts to pull you away. As if reading your mind, Wooyoung pulls out and turns you to face the mirror, spreading your legs with his feet and pulling your hips back onto his cock. You cry out as he reaches deep inside you, igniting a fire as your walls clamp down on him and your hand automatically drops to rub your clit.

“I’m not going to last” he says, inhaling your hair. “Are you close?”

You moan again as if that is a response and rub your clit faster, knowing your release was within reach, just over that figurative hill, if he could just…

“There, a-ah fuck Y/N, I’m there. God-fucking-yesyesyes”

Wooyoung stands on his toes, boosting the angle of his cock to rub directly on your back wall and pound erratically into your spot. Like the crack of a whip, you inhale suddenly, almost choking on air as he hurtles you towards your orgasm, cock twitching as he cums deep inside you.

“Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop” you pleaded, reaching back to hold the back of his thighs in case he dared to pull away from you or reduce his blinding pace.

Your torso was almost completely horizontal now, back arching, thrusting yourself back onto his cock, his cum dripping down your thighs. Your release hit you like a series of waves breaking, eyes squeezed shut, mouth open in a silent scream as your walls convulsed erratically, spreading a wet warmth throughout your core. Wooyoung continued to pound you, fingers coming down to press on your own, rubbing harder into your clit.

Riding you down from heaven, stars and colours swirling behind your eyes, Wooyoung began to slow. Your knees gave way and you threw your hands out in front of you to stop yourself hitting the wooden floor too hard. Wooyoung wrapped his arms around your stomach and dropped to his knees with you in an attempt to keep his softening cock buried inside of you. His chest heaved against your back but you were both quiet, letting the sound of the squeaky fan and creaks of the building fill the silence.

“Fuck, Y/N I should have asked if I could come in you”

“It’s fine, I’m on the pill”

“Even so” he mumbled, pressing a kiss between your shoulder blades and slowly removing himself from you.

You remained awkwardly on your hands and knees, panting at the floor as your senses returned and the reality of what you had done clicked from blurry to sharp in your mind. Wooyoung handed you a towel and you wiped the cum from your thighs, gazing in disbelief up at your smudged handprints on the mirror. Wooyoung was speaking, possibly to you, but you couldn’t focus on his words, caught in a state of ecstasy that wasn’t just post orgasm bliss. As you both got dressed, he tried to catch your gaze, but you barely noticed him, focused on the incredible feeling rising in your chest.

“Hey-where are you going?”

You were halfway out the door when you turned to look at him and forced a smile.

“I have to go back”

You left Wooyoung dumbfounded behind you, revelling in the complete elation of having just done something that would make Seonghwa burst a blood vessel if he knew. You emerged into the night air again, cold wind soothing your red, sweaty face. You felt bulletproof, like there was nothing more Seonghwa could hold over you. Not when you had such an ultimate secret over him.

You heard low voices when you reached the dorm and opened the door to find Hongjoong and Seonghwa sitting at the table, several empty bottles of Soju between them. Something about the way your brother looked at you, eyes glazed over and swaying slightly, told you that the drinking had been one sided.

“There you…I was so…worry” Seonghwa mumbled, standing up to give you a hug though he ended up almost pushing you over and Hongjoong had to step in and hold him up.

“It’s ok, I’m fine” you said, patting him on the back and mouthing a thank you to Hongjoong, who shrugged a smile. You looked up at your brothers’ flushed and puffy face and in this moment you pitied him, a pang of guilt stabbing you somewhere in the gut.

“I wish I…I shouldn’t have-“ he started but you cut him off.

“Let’s get you to bed”

It was a short but slow stumble from the kitchen to your shared room.

“I’m such a screw up” Seonghwa whined, head lolling backwards before you and Hongjoong dropped him on his bed.

“Go to sleep now” you said, smiling to yourself at your brothers complete inability to hold his liquor.

“You’re my sister and I…always…” he trailed off, squeezing your hand, eyes fluttering shut. Hongjoong turned off the light, leaving you sitting on top of Seonghwas quilt in the dark room, listening to his breathing as he started to drift off. You bit your bottom lip, wondering if maybe you had gone too far with Wooyoung tonight.

But your guilt was fleeting as the next morning, a hungover and humiliated Seonghwa berated you over breakfast for leaving the house without your phone.

“What the hell is wrong with you Y/N? What if something had happened to you? It just baffles me how you can be so damn stupid sometimes”

You sat at the table, staring ahead and calmly eating your cereal as he brought up more reasons and memories where you had been what he considered irresponsible. But you didn’t take the bait this time. You felt above that now, addicted to the power of what Seonghwa didn’t know, of how Wooyoung had melted at your touch, and how mere centimetres from your brothers disapproving face, you plotted your next pursuit.

#ateez smut #wooyoung smut

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reyescarlos · 4 years ago

Text

can i be him || a tarlos fic

chapter 3/4 word count: 5.5k~ || read on ao3

'Cause a light came on when I heard that song and I want you to sing it again I swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me Like it was a private show, I know you never saw me

It had taken Carlos forever to go to bed last night. He felt wired from his day spent with TK. It certainly didn’t help his mind relax to be lying right next to him. Sleeping beside him was nothing new but he couldn’t quiet his thoughts. His mind ran back throughout their day, retracing every step from the moment TK picked him up. Going into it, Carlos of course knew that TK had taken this outing seriously. Things between them had felt a bit off over the last few weeks but it was obvious that TK had meant every word he said during their call.

It’d only made Carlos all the more excited to see his friend. Ultimately, it didn’t matter what TK had in store. All Carlos truly cared about was the fact that they would have one on one time. The only notice TK had given him was that he would be taking advantage of both of Carlos’ days off. An overnight trip of any kind sounded ideal, getting the chance to extend the amount of time he’d be able to have TK to himself.

As TK drove, Carlos watched the scenery from the car window, his brow lifting as he began to guess at where TK was taking him.

“McKinney, huh?” he’d said with a smirk, so confident that he was right.

TK let out a sigh and jokingly rolled his eyes. “I figured I wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret for much longer at this point but yes. I know how much you love that place and I really wanted today to be special so, yeah. Decided I’d go with one of your favorites. It’s still been a while, right?”

Though being a resident of Travis County felt like living within a snow globe at times, Carlos could appreciate the facets of life there that somehow managed to make it feel much larger than it actually was. McKinney Falls State Park wasn’t far from either of their homes at all and yet, it was a place Carlos didn’t get out to as much as he would like. Luckily, TK was there to remedy this problem. Carlos couldn’t remember the last time he’d been there which seemed criminal given how incredible the park was with picturesque trails and stunning waterfalls.

“You chose well. It’s been months.”

TK had beamed, clearly appreciative of Carlos’ seal of approval. Carlos studied his profile for a moment, fixating briefly on the way TK’s smile still lingered on his lips like he was holding onto some private joke. Carlos forced himself to look away, back out at the thicket of trees that line the road as TK brought them closer to the state park. The journey wasn’t a long one, further prompting Carlos to wonder why he hadn’t made any real effort to come out here more often.

But he quickly did away with chiding himself. Had he not put off visiting, he wouldn’t be able to share this moment with TK. Not only was he reuniting with one of his favorite spots in town but he was reconnecting with his favorite person in the world.

Once they arrived, TK found a spot for them on the grounds, killed the engine, and flashed Carlos a bright smile.

“Come on. Those trails aren’t going to hike themselves.”

Carlos exited the car, coming around the back to meet TK at the trunk. His friend was already pulling out two backpacks by the time he settled in beside him. Carlos accepted the black bag TK gave him, hanging it off his right shoulder as TK closed back the trunk and locked the car.

“You weren’t messing around here, were you?”

TK had slipped his backpack on as well, putting his keys into his pocket.

“I told you this was serious business, didn’t I? Let’s go.”

They’d spent the rest of the day taking advantage of the park, going for a hike and exploring the terrain, relaxing their tired limbs afterwards in the creek, lazily swimming and wading by the park’s upper falls. It had felt as if they’d managed to leave the world behind, the two of them with a stretch of time before them. It’d made Carlos wish for an entire week like this but he was just grateful to know he’d have two days.

They’d come back to their camping site, working together to get their tent set up and spent the night sharing memories under the stars. It was perfect, to say the least. TK had been successful in making this TK and Carlos Day yet another one for the books. To know that it wasn’t over just yet, that they still had one more day in store had kept Carlos up for a while. TK had tuckered out pretty easily, the day’s activities making it so sleep found him effortlessly. Carlos was a different story entirely.

He combed through the day, trying to piece together his thoughts. It’d felt incredible to reconnect with TK again. Out here it was easy to forget why TK had called for something outside of their usual hang outs, to forget that TK was in a relationship, and to forget that he was trying desperately to move on from his decade long attraction to his best friend. Out here they simply existed ast themselves, free from all other titles and obligations.

Waking up this morning to TK’s soft snoring with the early chatter of birds outside their tent felt like waking up and stepping right into a dream. If every morning could be spent like this, Carlos would ask nothing else of the world.

Once they were both awake and fed, they began to break down their campsite, loading the car back up with the tent and supplies.

“What do you say to one last hike before we go?” TK asks as Carlos closes the trunk.

“I say that sounds like a brilliant idea to me.”

As they begin their hike, Carlos can make out the sound of the nearby falls, the rushing water a comforting bit of background noise in his ears. The creek is visible from this trail, running parallel to them as they wind their way through the trees. Carlos is already trying to plan the next time he’ll be able to come back.

“Thanks for bringing us here,” he says.

TK waves him off like it’s not a big deal but Carlos knows his friend well enough to see he’s proud of himself for choosing an outing that Carlos has been enjoying so much.

“No problem at all. We need to get together again soon. How about next Saturday?”

Carlos almost agrees quickly but closes his mouth and shakes his head as he remembers what he’s already agreed to with the one of the guys he matched with recently. Now the guilt of keeping this part of his life under wraps really begins to creep in. Carlos tries to think of a way to lightly breach the subject but he isn’t so sure that there’s a way for this to go that won’t make things a bit awkward.

“Uh, actually can we do a different day? Sunday maybe? I sorta...have plans on Saturday.”

TK’s brows furrow. “What’s with the cloak and dagger act? What’s happening Saturday?”

Carlos shrugs a shoulder as nonchalantly as possible, kicking at a pebble on the pathway. “I’ve got a date.”

TK stops in his tracks, the soles of his shoes scratching against the packed dirt like a needle on a record. There’s an expression in TK’s eyes that Carlos can’t place. If he had to hazard a guess, it would be surprise mixed with confusion. But there’s also an unnamable emotion though it clears before Carlos can put any more thought to it.

“You have a date?” he echoes, his eyes wide and brows raised.

Carlos scoffs, unsure of how he’s supposed to take the clear shock in TK’s voice. Sure, Carlos doesn’t go out with guys as frequently as TK but it still feels like a dig. He stops walking too, still taking in the look on TK’s face. It’s almost like TK doesn’t even recognize him.

“Is it so hard to believe that someone wants to go out with me?”

TK quickly shakes his head, blinking rapidly.

“Of course not, Carlos. That’s not what I...I didn’t mean—I’m just surprised is all. I didn’t even know you were talking to anyone these days, never mind going out on dates and stuff. You never mentioned anything about it. I just...I didn’t know. I didn’t mean anything by that, honestly.”

Carlos surprises himself with how quickly he gets upset by this. He bites his tongue on saying something snappy about TK missing out on a lot lately because he’s so busy with Alex. It’d only lead to even weirder tension than what he’s feeling now between them or, at worst, a fight. That would be a horrible waste of this uninterrupted time with TK. And, to be fair, Carlos wasn’t exactly keen on disclosing this life update with TK. It makes sense why his friend is being thrown for a loop now.

“Then what exactly did you mean?” he asks, trying to keep his tone leveled.

TK falters and breathes unevenly. It’s weird to be at odds with TK and part of Carlos wonders if he’s blowing this out of proportion, projecting but he’s too bothered now to examine it much further.

“Can we please just start over? I’m not trying to upset you here. That’s the last thing I want to do, especially now.”

Carlos looks away, shifting his gaze to the overhang of pouring water, watching as it steadies the second it meets with the creek. Carlos tries to mirror that in his own mood now, letting go of his frustration and settling himself before focusing on TK. His friend looks troubled and unsure of himself. They don’t fight often and this spat, or whatever this exchange could be considered, seemed to spring from nowhere. But Carlos recognizes that he’s let his insecurities get the best of him. This time was meant to be special, a chance for them to reconnect and get back on track. Sowing further division isn’t something he’s aiming for either.

“I know. I’m sorry,” he concedes, reeling himself back in.

TK stares at him for a moment as if gauging whether or not it’s safe to continue. Carlos nods his head once to encourage him to speak again.

“I’m sorry, too. I guess it’s just hitting me all over again how much things have been changing lately and I don’t like it. I want us to spend more time together like before and I want to know what’s going on with you— outside of work stuff, you know? But I guess...it’s pretty much been my fault, huh? I haven’t been around as much. I got used to us telling each other everything.”

Not everything, Carlos thinks bitterly. There’s been this secret he’s kept sealed tight for ages and it’s the kind of truth Carlos isn’t so sure TK would ever want to hear. But he knows what his friend is getting at. There’d been countless times over the years where they’d share the most mundane or ridiculous parts of their day with one another just for the sake of sharing. Carlos entering back into the world of dating was huge but it’d been a facet of his life that he wanted to keep to himself for a little while. Maybe it was selfish or maybe it was healthy, all things considered, but he could see now that it’d hurt TK to be left out.

“I guess we really haven’t been checking in as much these days.” It’s an understatement but Carlos doesn’t want to belabor the point. “And it isn’t dates, plural. It’s just this one coming up. I haven’t found anything serious so far but this guy seemed alright but who knows. You know what the scene is like. All these guys are basically the same on these apps. I’m not sure why I’m even bothering.”

It isn’t exactly the truth but this isn’t a door Carlos can open with TK.

TK’s eyes cast down as he fiddles with the pendant around his neck, his expression clouded.

“I’m really bombing as a best friend nowadays, aren’t I?”

The guilt is clear as day on TK’s face. His index finger scratches at the pendant, a dead giveaway that he’s feeling anxious. Carlos swoops in to settle him instinctively, a reflex that comes all too naturally.

“You’re good. You’re in a relationship now,” he laughs softly, trying to lighten the mood. “Alex is important to you and that’s cool.”

“You’re sweet but I don’t want to be that guy though, you know? The one that ditches his best friend because he’s got a boyfriend. I want to know what’s going on in your life. You’re important to me too, Carlos. You’re the most important person to me, actually. Always. You know that, right?”

Carlos smiles softly at him, bumping his shoulder against TK’s lightly. TK doesn’t engage. His eyes are locked in on Carlos’, completely unswayable.

“I don’t know if it’s supposed to work exactly like that now, T,” Carlos notes.

TK shakes his head. “I don’t care. You’re my number one. Even if I’m being a bit of a dick, don’t forget that, okay?”

His face is so serious that Carlos can only nod in agreement. “I won’t, I promise.”

TK sighs, almost in relief and nods once to himself. “Good.”

A silence falls over them as they continue to walk. Carlos keeps his eyes fixed on their surroundings. These last few minutes aside, these two days really have been spectacular. For as much as he hates being at odds with TK, Carlos is glad they were able to have it out a little. If yesterday was a time for reminiscing about the past, Carlos can appreciate that today was granting them the chance to be open about the present. There’s still so much he wants to get off his chest but the awkwardness is gone now and that had been a source of discomfort. Now Carlos feels as if their friendship has just recalibrated itself. The silence isn’t stiff or rife with tension. It’s just comfortable, a perfect reminder of how easy it is for them to find their way back to one another.

“And for the record,” Carlos says after a moment. “You’ll always be my number one as well...even if you have been a total dick lately,” he continues teasingly, swatting gently at TK’s arm.

TK laughs and Carlos can feel the last veil of nervousness lift off of his best friend at the sound.

“Asshole,” TK grumbles, a smile on his face as he wraps an arm around Carlos’ waist. Carlos doesn’t miss his cue, his arm coming to hang over TK’s shoulders, same as always.

“I’ve missed this,” TK says so quietly that Carlos isn’t sure if his friend is speaking to him or not.

Still he says, “Me too.”

TK looks over at him and smiles even wider and Carlos’ stomach flips as TK burrows into his side perfectly, two puzzle pieces indeed.

~*~*~

Carlos orders himself a beer while he waits for his date, doing his best not to let his eyes fly to the door each time someone comes into the bar. He keeps himself busy with idly looking at his phone, looking at articles, going over texts, anything to steady the crop of nerves in his stomach.

Michelle had messaged him earlier in the day, wishing him luck and urging him to have fun tonight. He wishes that could be the case but time is ticking by, his date seemingly running late.

Carlos checks his phone to see if he’s missed any messages from his date but there’s no new notice, absolutely no indication that the man has reached out to him. The longer he sits, the more Carlos doubts that this night will play out like he’d been picturing. He hadn’t gone into this date with any high hopes but getting stood up definitely wasn’t something he foresaw.

It’s been about thirty minutes now and Carlos still hasn’t heard back from his date. He sends a message that he figures will go unanswered.

“Drinking alone tonight?” the bartender asks as she works the tap.

Carlos chuckles dryly. “Wasn’t exactly the plan but it looks that way now, yeah.”

The bartender gives a small, polite smile and Carlos feels as if he could just die right there on the spot from embarrassment.

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I think whoever didn’t show is a total idiot,” she says.

It’s enough to make Carlos smile as she wipes at the counter with a rag quickly with a friendly wink before turning her attention to the group of guys that just showed up a few feet from Carlos. He nurses his drink as the bar becomes a bit more crowded with patrons.

This isn’t where he wants to be. It’s starting to feel suffocating being surrounded by people as the Saturday night crowd thickens.

If he were someone else, it would be all too easy to scan the room now and take home the first attractive guy that caught his eye. But that wasn’t who Carlos was, had ever been, or had any intention of being— now more so than ever. He likes actual investments. It wasn’t like him to be bold enough to salvage the night by hooking up with some stranger, even if almost anyone in his shoes would do just that. Carlos’ focus is completely shot but he manages to pull himself together enough to pay for the drinks he’s had and leave a generous tip for the bartender who turned out to be his only real source of company tonight.

He gets into his car and sits for a moment, the sounds of the bustling nightlife outside the vehicle a bit dulled in the enclosed space. He isn’t able to sit with his thoughts for long before his phone buzzes from his pocket. He takes it out, his eyes narrowing as he reads what’s written.

Oh man, I’m so sorry about tonight! Something came up and I lost track of time. If you don’t totally hate me already, could we raincheck?

Carlos stares down at the message on his phone screen, torn. Part of him wants to rage. The other part of him reasons that he could be cordial. At least the guy got in touch with him, even if it was after the fact. But Carlos realizes he doesn’t owe this guy anything so he opts to say nothing at all. To preserve what’s left of his dignity for the night, Carlos deletes the app altogether. This isn’t worth his time or energy, he’s starting to see. He was sick of this already. It’d taken a lot for him to be willing to take that first solid effort in moving on but this was already a misstep. Perhaps he just wasn’t cut out for any of this after all? Carlos can feel a moment of clarity dawn on him. He wouldn’t set any store into dating. He’ll focus on himself. That’s what all the signs seem to be pointing to.

He pulls up his contact list, seeking out the one person he feels comfortable sharing this upset with right now. The phone only rings twice before he’s greeted.

“Carlos? What’s up? Is everything okay?” Michelle asks, undoubtedly confused as to why he’s calling her so early, when he’s supposed to be busy right now.

“I’m not really sure.” Carlos surprises himself with the honesty but Michelle is one of his best friends. He can be open with her about what he’s feeling, even if he’s still trying to figure it out.

“I’m home now if you want to swing by. We can talk about it...or not talk, if that’s what you want.”

Carlos is quiet for a second as he stares out the windshield. He watches as people pop into bars and restaurants on the street, everyone seeming to have a great time. It’s a weird sensation to have a front row seat to all of this but not actually be a part of it. He could cave and go home and wallow on his own but that wouldn’t feel right either.

“I’ll be there in ten.”

~*~*~

At the end of their day together, Carlos had been happy when he and TK resolved to make plans for this Sunday instead since his Saturday was taken up. At the time it seemed like a great idea, a solid alternative that would grant them the chance to see each other again so soon. But as he sits across from TK now at an outdoor café with Alex who unexpectedly decided to join them, this is starting to feel like something of a nightmare.

TK had sent him a text ahead of time letting him know that Alex had asked to tag along. It wasn’t quite what Carlos had in mind and he had to wonder at why Alex even wanted to be there but Carlos didn’t object. He could play nice, he supposed. Over the last four months, he’s become something of an expert at ignoring Alex whenever they’re around each other. Interactions like this were limited, just the way he preferred. TK served as a good buffer, enough that Carlos could stomach conversations with Alex chiming in.

Carlos picks at his scone absently as they make pleasant small talk about work, TK sharing the latest crazy stories from calls he’s been on and Carlos doing the same. He knows they’re skating around the topic TK undoubtedly wants to get to but he’s glad for the layover for the time being. Alex hasn’t said much of anything, his phone like an extra appendage. He places it face down on the table, draping an arm over the back of TK’s seat before taking a sip of his coffee.

Alex has spent the better part of their time together texting, only offering a small laugh here and there. What was the point of him being here if he had nothing to contribute? Carlos finds it irritating and rude but he knows he’s more than likely being biased in thinking that. Anything Alex does seemingly gets under his skin. Carlos has been trying and failing over the last few months to curb the frustration he feels towards him but something about Alex just grates at him.

Carlos knows a considerable fraction of that is jealousy but there’s something else he can’t quite put his finger on that makes him uneasy any time he’s face to face with Alex. It’s much easier to deal with the man in small doses or, preferably, by proxy like hearing stories secondhand from TK.

Alex’s phone rings and the man picks it back up again. He glances at the screen, his arm slipping from behind TK to grip the device with both hands.

“Oh, I’ve gotta take this. Excuse me a minute,” he says, rising from his chair and stepping away from the table.

TK watches him go but Carlos watches TK. When his friend looks back at him, he’s smiling knowingly, tucking his chair even further under the table and leaning his head forward like he’s eager to hear a secret. Carlos knows where this is going. He figured the moment they were alone, TK would ask...

“How’d your date go?”

This was the question Carlos has been dreading and he mentally curses himself for having even mentioned to TK that he was set to go out with anyone. This could have been a truth he didn’t ever have to share. It was embarrassing enough to have sat inside the bar waiting for his date to show. Now he has to relive it and relay it to the man he’s secretly in love with.

“It didn’t,” he says simply but even still, he knows a response like this will warrant TK to dig further for actual clarification.

As expected, TK looks confused, his head tilting almost comically to the side. “Wait, what? What happened? What do you mean?”

Carlos’ shoulders stiffen, bracing himself for his own reply. “I mean, he never showed. I waited like an idiot for almost an hour.” He says it lightly but the shame burns white hot in the pit of his stomach.

TK’s eyes narrow and darken, his face growing stony. “That’s such crap. What’s this guy’s problem?”

“It’s fine. I should’ve known better than to get my hopes up. The dating scene here is horrible ,” he jokes, hoping to alleviate some of the awkwardness he feels but TK doesn’t take the out like Carlos wishes he would.

“No, it’s not fine and this isn’t on you,” he counters. “I can’t believe someone would be dumb enough to do that to you. I’m so sorry, Carlos. You’re incredible. Any guy would be lucky to even get the chance to talk to you, never mind actually land a date with you.”

It’s a bittersweet thing to hear coming from TK of all people. Carlos wonders if TK would ever count himself among the swarm of guys who would allegedly be counting their blessings if Carlos expressed an interest.

TK is genuinely bothered by this, so much so that his nostrils flare and his head shakes. It makes Carlos feel good to have someone view him in a high regard but he knows it’s just TK being a protective friend and nothing more. Ideally his rage would be because he wishes he had the opportunity but TK was so wrapped up and happy with Alex that Carlos dismisses the notion that TK is incensed for any other reason.

Carlos just shrugs, avoiding TK’s gaze by fiddling with his cup. He can hear TK breathe out heavily through his nose, his fingers erratically tapping against the table top. Carlos is used to TK’s tics. They always spring about when he’s feeling anxious or overwhelmed. Carlos reaches out and places a hand over TK’s to still his fingers. TK looks down and back up to his face. Carlos offers a small, reassuring smile and it’s enough to get TK’s shoulders to finally loosen.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, licking his lips. The muscle in Carlos’ jaw flexes instinctively at the sight of TK’s tongue working over his mouth.

“Don’t be. I’m touched that you care so much but I’m okay, I promise. It’s a bump in the road but I’m good. I’m taking this as the sign I’m sure it is. ”

TK’s brow arches, his body shifting in his seat. “And what sign would that be?”

Carlos shrugs, tracing the rim of his mug. “That maybe dating isn’t the right thing for me. At least not right now anyway. I took my time getting back out there and it’s already failing, so I’ll just wait a beat. I can be patient until the right person comes along. I’m done chasing after people. Whoever actually wants to be with me wouldn’t run in the first place.”

TK’s lips twitch like he’s gearing up to say something. Instead he stays quiet, eyes growing soft, his expression unreadable. It’s rare that Carlos looks at TK and doesn’t have a clue what the guy is thinking. TK searches his face as if scanning for any signs in his expression that he isn’t being completely honest with him here. Carlos is acutely aware of the fact that he’s still touching TK’s hand but the other man makes no effort to pull back. Instead, TK takes it a step further, lacing their fingers as he continues to stare at Carlos.

Carlos’ heart flutters at the move. If he could just have this all the time, if it could be in the context he’s been dreaming of for so long, it would mean the world to him. Even with all the upset over his failed date and overall attempts to move on, TK manages to cut through the static with a simple gesture like this. They’ve always been good at grounding each other, sometimes without having to speak at all.

TK’s expression softens, as does the tightness in Carlos’ chest. It’s odd realizing just how much influence they have on one another. If TK isn’t happy, neither is he and vice versa.

TK keeps his eyes fixed on Carlos and he’s unable to do anything other than look back freely. It feels like TK’s saying something important with this look alone but before Carlos can decipher the meaning behind those unspoken words or ask what thoughts are on TK’s mind, a clear voice speaks to the left of him.

“Everything alright here?”

Carlos and TK look away from each other sharply and towards Alex who has just returned to the table. Carlos hadn’t even heard him approaching at all. Now that he thinks about it, he suddenly can’t remember hearing anything other than the pulsing in his ears as he held TK’s gaze, as he basked in the warmth of their palms pressed together. This wasn’t the way he should be feeling or acting towards TK anymore.

His friend was in a committed relationship. There were boundaries that had to be in place. Even if he feels indifferent towards Alex, he feels guilty for overstepping in this area. While it might not have meant much to TK, Carlos knows what he feels inside each time TK touches him. If nothing else, he knows he should be putting a stop to encounters such as this. There’s actual significance behind it all for him.

Carlos can feel something like shame run up the length of his spine. It burns at the back of his neck like a summer sun the longer he looks at Alex. He slips his hand out of TK’s grasp and drags it back to his side, his thumbnail absentmindedly stroking the edge of the table. TK nods at Alex and smiles.

“Yeah, just having a best friend moment,” he muses but Alex looks doubtful. Carlos doesn’t think TK picks up on it.

He’s so used to smoothing things over with his beautiful smile and, Carlos supposes, that’s all this truly was for TK—just a brief instance between friends. His tone is so smooth and even; TK must not be feeling the riot in his stomach like him.

Carlos busies himself with his drink, taking a sip and watching traffic roll past as TK strikes up a private conversation with Alex. Carlos is glad for it though. His mind is racing far too much to be an active participant in this right now.

He’s been trying so desperately to move on. He’s convinced himself that it’s for the best, that he’s truly accepted that TK has gotten serious with Alex. Yet, at the first signs of attention or the possibility of physical contact with TK, he welcomes the gestures with open arms so willingly. Had he not vowed to himself the night before that he wouldn’t dwell so much on his feelings for TK? That he would spare himself the heartbreak and focus on work and looking inward instead?

Carlos knows he needs to get a lid on this and fast. He isn’t sure how much longer he has until the truth finds a way out.

“Los?” TK says, breaking Carlos out of his reverie. It must be obvious he’s been zoned out for a while because TK laughs and repeats himself. “I asked if you’re available Wednesday night. I want to celebrate my three years at the 126 with dinner or something with you guys.”

Carlos nods slowly, still pulling his thoughts together, trying to remember his own schedule. “Um, yeah. I should be out at about six, if things aren’t too busy.”

TK nods once. “Perfect, I’ll make reservations for 8 o’clock to give you time to freshen up and all that.”

Carlos still feels shaken but he manages to plaster on a smile. It’s enough to sate TK who resumes whatever conversation he had going before with his boyfriend. Carlos knows he’s playing a dangerous game here and that his feelings are coming alarmingly close to breaking through the surface. These little moments with TK have always been a source of comfort but now they were proving themselves to be roadblocks on his path to moving on. It was one thing to say the words but to actually do the hard work of distancing himself romantically wasn’t nearly as easy as Carlos has been hoping it’d be.

Looking at TK now, he can see that he’s in a good place. To tamper with that—in any capacity— would be the most selfish thing he could ever do.

He stares down into his now empty cup, feeling much the same— completely drained and needing to be wiped clean.

#tk x carlos #tarlos #carlos reyes #tk strand #911 lone star #userjilly #ronenrubinstein #sulkybbarnes #userpauline #starlightbuck #sunshinestrand #brilliantbanshee #sunsetcxrve #userthai #useralie #usermaddiee #kimmy writes

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skullsandwineglasses · 5 years ago

Text

Life Lessons

The things you thought you wanted when you were 18 are very different from the things that you realize are important when you’re 24.

1. Meet cutes

You fantasize about running into a stranger at a coffee shop, a book store, a library aisle, a grocery store lineup, etc and that you’ll click with them right away. You think “the one” is out there somewhere. But Ashley from bestdressed put it best: do you really think that out of the 7 or 8 billion or so people on the planet, you were born down the street or a city away from your soulmate? How is life going to be that convenient?

I thought college would be my Debut(TM), especially after a comfortable but uneventful time in high school. But college was quite anticlimactic. I was even less social if that was even possible. It’s hard to make friends when you’re not forced to sit next to the same people everyday. You instead meet people from afar who seem to be living, breathing real-life protagonists: beautiful, smart, witty, stylish, artsy, outspoken. I found myself trying to emulate them. I felt like I was falling behind in terms of who I should be in life.

I tried to take control. If you don’t put yourself out there, how would meet cutes ever happen? So,

I go to coffee shops: but everyone’s too busy to look up from the work on their laptop screens to pay any attention to anyone else.

I go to bookstores: but everyone’s too busy scanning the titles on the shelves to pay any attention to anyone else.

I go to the library: see coffee shop.

I’m in the grocery store and someone asks me about the best coconut milk to use for curry: they get their answer and leave.

I go to a jazz bar: again, everyone’s too busy listening to the band to pay any attention to anyone else.

I go to a swing dance social night: but everyone’s too busy trying to dance with as many different partners as possible in order to diversify their skills to linger any attention on anyone

You can’t say I didn’t try.

Bonus:

Imagine you’re feeling bummed that you got assigned an aisle seat on the plane, only to approach your seat and see that a cute guy is sitting in the window seat next to yours. Could this be the meet cute you’ve been waiting for? You sit down. He says hi. You return the greeting a little too excitedly. You move to the fasten your seat belt. He speaks again: “So, my girlfriend has a window seat a couple rows back. I was wondering if you...”

Stunned, you pull the seat belt back and get up, gathering your stuff. “Oh yea, for sure, no bother at all. I wanted a window seat anyway.”

I kid you not. Cringe writes itself. It was like the opening of a bad romcom where the side character has one romantic failure after another.

-> Moral of the story: Don’t expect to arrive at a place hoping that you’ll lock eyes with someone across the room. People go to places for the services that the place provides, and so they’ll be focused on their purpose for having gone to said place. Taylor Swift songs and YA novels did a wonderful job of misinforming me of how indifferent the social environment is like in public spaces.

2. Exchanging phone numbers

So, maybe someone finally asks for your number. You part ways at the subway station. He promises to talk to you soon. But after 3 days, you wonder why he hasn’t texted you yet. You get a text from him Sunday morning asking you to meet for coffee that evening. You’re outside the cafe at 7:15, waiting. He texts you apologizing for being late because he was jogging around the lake and lost track of time. He says he’s on his way. You never hear from him again.

-> Moral of the story: Even if you do ending up having a cute first encounter with someone at a subway station, it doesn’t mean things will work out. I’ve been ghosted like this 3 times. It’s gets harder trying to give men the benefit of the doubt each time.

I had thought that my self worth depended on how many strangers would approach me for my number. I thought that being liked was the only way to be validated. And while being asked for your number is flattering the first time, the illusion quickly shatters when you learn that the success of a relationship hinges on more than just the circumstance of the first meeting.

3. Reading signs

You’re in line at the airport after returning from a conference trip, waiting to get through customs. You finally reach the customs officer who asks about the reason for your trip.

“A conference,” you say.

“For?”

“Narrative. You know, like storytelling”

He hands you back your passport. “So are you an author?”

“Oh no, I just study the psychology of storytelling”

His face lights up. “Wow yes, storytelling is so important. It’s the foundation of civilization. That’s great”

“I’m glad you’re able to appreciate it. Not many people do when I tell them.”

“Well that’s because they don’t understand how important storytelling is to the basis of civilization. And for me too as someone who works in law enforcement.”

“Yes, for sure,” you say nodding. You look at the line behind you and start to move to leave.

“Well, it’s too bad we can’t talk more. Have a great day, miss”.

You walk towards the exit where the baggage claim is, and your head’s a blur. Was he...flirting? You’ve never met a stranger who was that interested in your research before, much less a border officer who was willing to stall the line just to ask you more about what you do.

You begin to wonder if you should have left a card or a number so that you could talk later. You know, for research purposes. It’s always nice to make a friend outside your field who shares the same interests as you. But none of that matters now anyway because #ACAB. What’s done is done. But you still wonder about what his intentions were when he started that conversation. It’s too bad we can’t talk more. Yeah. A shame.

-> Moral of the story: Be more assertive. Offer a way to connect if you’re interested. Why do we keep reinforcing the idea that women can only be acted on and can’t act themselves?

4. To love or be loved

Like many young adults, I often question if my mother really understands what it means to be in love. She seems to like the idea of love, the idea of the perfect fateful meeting, but proudly says that she never fully gave her heart to anyone. She’s always warning that it’s better to receive love than to give it. That you end up at a disadvantage if you love first and love more.

But I think I’d rather have the agency to make that choice than to be chosen. All throughout high school and in the media, we seem to glorify having someone choose us and love us unconditionally. But that’s unrealistic. There’s no such thing as unconditional, but I do hope to get as a close as possible to it. I want to love someone even if they might not love me back. I want to know how it feels like to put someone else first. Maybe this is just another teenage fantasy that has re-manifested itself in adulthood, but I want the freedom of stretching my feelings out than to feel the weight of that of someone else’s whom I can’t reciprocate.

It also has to do with how much the alpha male is romanticized in our culture. I realize that I don’t want a domineering male version of my mother, who herself is controlling, obsessive, and possessive. I want a friend, not someone who thinks that I constantly need to be coddled and protected for my own good.

It’s also a stupid expectation to have of real life men. If the men in my life are any indication, then they have goals and ambitions that they want to pursue. Everyone does. A relationship is a mutual support system. It’s not about how much as can take from someone.

5. Choices

Some people say that you can fall in love with a city by falling in love in that city.

TW: Sketchy interactions in ubers/taxis

I was grabbing coffee with a guy that I just met in a foreign city that I was visiting. It was approaching 9pm and he said that he had work the next morning, so we decided to call it a day. I was heading towards the subway station when he said that he called an uber and could drop me off at my hotel. Obviously, warning bells went off, but I was so worried about disappointing him, even though I knew that I wouldn’t see him again anyway after that evening. I just didn’t know how to say no. I reluctantly got in the car with him and instantly regretted it. He moved closer, but when he saw that I was uncomfortable, he moved away. Thankfully. We had an awkward conversation, and the driver dropped me off at my hotel after 10 minutes. I was lucky. I knew it. But looking back at the encounter now, I do wonder what would have happened if I had reciprocated the interest. I mean, I was definitely was curious at the time, but mostly because I was inexperienced and a little desperate to be completely honest. But, I knew that I didn’t want my first kiss or first whatever to be with a stranger who I knew I would never see again since I was leaving the next day. I knew about the emotional confusion that it would cause. I also wasn’t prepared to go as far as I thought he wanted to go, so I didn’t want to give him any wrong impressions and assumed that it was just easier to not show any interest at all. From time to time I still wonder about him and how he’s doing and whether I’ll ever run into him again if I’m back in the city.

-> Moral of the story: Learn to say no and to stop worrying about whether you’ll offend someone because you want to keep yourself safe. I should have never gotten into that car, and my friends always remind me of that every time I tell them that story. I also acknowledge that some people might not always have that choice, and we should never victim blame.

For me in that situation, I had a mix of different emotions. Curiosity, attraction, anxiety. My friend told me that I should have told him what I felt at the time and what my boundaries were instead of shutting off. But at the same time, he should have been vocal to me too and voiced what he was thinking, instead of just moving closer in the closed space of an uber. Sketchy af.

6. Fate (is a lie)

I like to believe in the idea of fate and soulmates. My mother always tells me how I was the product of fate and so a part of me feels entitled to a little bit of that magic too.

But I got my wake-up call when I walked into a dive bar one Friday night and could have sworn that I saw my first crush from middle school sitting at a table in the centre of the room with a group of his friends.

We made eye contact, but it was too dark to know for sure. I walked past the table to the bar and asked for a table for one. I sat in the corner and watched him and his friends, curiously.

No one just walks into a dive bar and suddenly decides that the first person you see when you walk through the door is someone you once knew from middle school. I was almost sure that it was him. Was he?

I was in a city an hour away from where we went to middle school. What are the odds. Was it fate? Was it a coincidence? After 12 years of having never seen this kid, I run into him in a dive bar I’ve never been to before in a city I only go visit maybe once every 2 months.

Out of all the kids I went to middle school with, I had to run into my first crush? Seems like a joke. What kind of message was the universe trying to send?

In the end, I finished my sangria, and left. He never took one look back at me. And I walked out knowing that I’d never see him again. What seemed like an impossible coincidence just ended up mounting to nothing.

That’s when I learned that coincidences are just coincidences. There’s nothing more to them unless you decide to make something out of them.

Concluding remarks:

Maybe y’all are smarter and more perceptive than I am and already knew about these things when you turned 18. But these are lessons that took me 6 years to learn and then some. And even at 24 and having a couple of serendipitous experiences under my belt, I’m still no closer to being the confident, mature, and level-headed adult that I think I should be. I still feel 18 with the unrealistic expectations and mentality embodied by someone that age. Hell, to be honest I’m not entirely sure I remember when it feels like to be an 18 year old anymore. I just feel like an inadequate 24 year old. I shouldn’t be insulting 18 year olds like this.

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brotbrotbrotlamb · 4 years ago

Text

amortentia

“Look, the only thing that has changed is the way I’m acting towards you,” she rolled her eyes, “everything else stayed the same. And you’re being really dumb and annoying right now, but I still love you to the moon and back.”

Staring at her, nonplussed, Bread nodded slowly. “Okay.”

Suddenly, she said, “Kiss me.”

He choked.

Warnings: n/a

Word count: 3k

“So class,” said Professor Slughorn one day, “today we will be brewing this potion.”

He motioned to a cauldron in front of the class, which contained a liquid with a distinctive mother-of-pearl sheen.

“Can anyone tell me what it is and what its properties are?”

Patricia Havisham’s hand in front of Lamb shot up.

“Yes, Miss Havisham?”

“Amortentia, Sir. Amortentia is the most powerful love potion in existence. Despite its power, Amortentia doesn't create actual love; it's impossible to manufacture or imitate love. The person under the effect of the potion will only hold an obsession for the person who administered it,” her housemate basically recited the textbook.

“Wonderful memory work, Miss Havisham! Five points to Gryffindor,” Slughorn smiled, and Havisham ducked her head. Lamb snorted softly, knowing that Slughorn, being a Slytherin, definitely knew what he was doing when he said “memory work”.

“Really, laughing at your own housemate?” an annoying voice entered her ears. “How unkind of you, Chan.”

“Shut up, you ho,” Lamb’s smile fell from her face immediately, only to be replaced by a scowl. “As if you Slytherins would have any sympathy for your own housemates.”

“At least we seem united,” Bread smirked mockingly, and Lamb wished for the three thousandth time that she wasn’t sitting beside him, but Slughorn wanted to encourage inter-house unity and all.

“Miss Chan, would you like to answer this question?” Slughorn suddenly focused his attention on her.

“Oh,” she started, before raising her shoulders slightly in a shrug. “Uh, professor, could you repeat your question?”

“What are some distinctive features of Amortentia?”

“Well, uh, it has a mother-of-pearl sheen and its steam rises in spirals. You can also smell the person you like in the potion."

"Correct! Five more points to Gryffindor. Anyways…" Slughorn started talking, but Lamb tuned his voice out. There was really nothing you couldn't learn about Amortentia from the textbooks. Her gaze absentmindedly wandered to the cauldron at the front of the class, where the Amortentia was. She wondered what it smelled like.

Then, Bread was standing up and everyone was standing up and Slughorn was going back to his desk… Wait, that meant it was brewing time.

"Slow reflexes, Chan?" Bread said, grabbing a handful of ashwinder eggs and moonstones.

"None of your business, anyway," she pursed her lips, occasionally glancing back at the board to ensure she had the right ingredients. "Have you really got nothing else to do other than to taunt me?"

"It's not taunting," he said, "it's affectionate teasing.”

Lamb gagged.

The lesson passed by uneventfully. Lamb ground up the moonstone and chucked in the ingredients while Bread was responsible for stirring the potion.

“It’s one pearl, not two,” Bread hissed, barely stopping her from throwing in two mother-of-pearls.

“It is?” Lamb raised an eyebrow, glancing at the board, which clearly said “one mother-of-pearl”. She put one down and dropped the other one into the potion. “So it is.”

“I know you’re dumb, but please take this seriously, Chan,” Bread sneered, “that way you won’t be a complete disappointment.”

“What’s the use of being good at potions if you have an unfixable, ugly personality?” she rolled her eyes right back. “It was just a lapse in focus. Last week you nearly put four lionfish spines and exploded the entire class.”

“It was three.”

“It’s still wrong,” Lamb replied, before noting that a pleasant scent was wafting from their cauldron. Leaning closer, she frowned. “Is it done already? I still haven’t put in the rose thorns.”

“Wait,” Bread suddenly narrowed his eyes and began taking steps back. “Wait, step away.”

“No, what did you to it? I put all the ingredients in the right order,” ignoring his words, Lamb positioned her face above the cauldron, trying to discern the abnormality. “It looks more orange than white. Bread, what did you—”

BOOM!

An earth-shaking explosion rocked the entire classroom. The contents of the entire cauldron shot out of the cauldron, covering Lamb and somehow only Lamb with the unfinished mixture. There was a moment of absolute silence, in which the girl stared at herself, surprised that she wasn’t covered in burns, before sinking down in her chair.

“Miss Lamb! Mister Bread! What happened here?” Slughorn’s voice was stricter than she had ever heard it. Just when she tried to answer, a dizzying spell came over her, causing her eyes to roll to the back of her head and her entire body to lurch forward unexpectedly. Something soft caught her just as her head headed for the corner of the table, saving her just in time.

Slowly, the dizzy spell cleared, and she could gradually regain control of her senses. Looking up, Lamb was met with the dumb face of her seat-mate… Wait… No…

“Bread,” she said, the clarity of her voice surprising even herself. The boy who was currently supporting her weight flinched, before turning to her, snapping, “What?”

“You’re really hot, you know that?” her mouth said on its own accord. Lamb gasped, appalled for a split second, before her brain dissolved into mush. Yeah, yeah, she agreed. “You are really, really hot.”

Starting from that day onwards, Hogwarts was no longer peaceful.

“Are you serious?” Lamb knew that the boy beside her was raging, but she didn’t really want to know why, because he looked so manly while he yelled. Staring dreamily at the object of her dreams for the past few days, she sighed in satisfaction. If only she could stare at him forever.

“Apologies, Bread,” Slughorn sighed, except he was sighing for a completely different reason. “I can’t make an antidote unless I know exactly what you and Miss Lamb put in that potion.”

“Can’t we just give her a general antidote? Anything to stop her from acting like,” he gestured furiously to her, “like this?”

“Hey!” Lamb exclaimed, drawing the attention of the two other people in the room. “I still can understand you, you know? Just because a cauldron exploded in my face doesn’t mean my intelligence is impaired. Plus, I don’t want to go back to before.”

Bread muttered something that sounded like, “You have no intelligence to be ‘impaired’.”

“M’boy,” Slughorn said, his tone somewhat mournful, “you know we administered the antidote for Amortentia yesterday. There were no changes. Unless we know the exact procedure you followed yesterday, there is almost no chance of getting the correct antidote.”

“There’s no way of stopping this?” Bread said, horrified.

“Unless it wears off, of course,” Slughorn added, but then hesitated. “But… this seems to be a very potent potion. It’s unclear when this will wear off.”

Bread sagged in his seat, and Lamb would have giggled at the sight of him seemingly aging decades in a single second had she not realised that he looked good no matter what he did.

“Oh my God,” she said, “Bread. You look so handsome no matter how I—”

“Stop,” he snapped, then glanced at Slughorn and added, “please.”

Lamb pouted.

“I just don’t understand how I hated him before,” Lamb ranted to her friends as they walked through the doors of the Great Hall. “He’s just so dashing, and handsome, and sweet, and kind, and patient, and I don’t know how I was so blind before!”

“Uh,” Chocolate interrupted, “one of your reasons was that he was a Slytherin.”

“Oh, seriously, house unity is what’s really important,” Lamb rolled her eyes. “I was so stupid. There’s nothing wrong with inter-house dating.”

“Dating?” Jelly made a lenny face. “Are we really going there?”

“I mean, she’s under the effects of a failed Amortentia,” Xiaolongbao pointed out. “So, duh.”

“It’s not failed,” Lamb argued, “I’d say it’s the most successful batch that’s ever been made. Bread indeed, making everything he does better and more perfect.”

Suddenly, her eyes lit up as she spotted someone walking in with his friends.

“Bread!” she yelled, getting up from her seat.

“Do we stop her?” Sorbet asked, conflicted.

“No,” Xiaolongbao replied at the same time Chocolate said, “yes.”

Glaring at the former, Chocolate explained, “I’d rather Lamb get angry at me now than her getting mad at me after the potion wears off.”

Shuddering at the thought, Xiaolongbao conceded. “That’s true.”

Lamb was about to launch herself at Bread when Chocolate abruptly grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

“Sorry, gents,” her friend smiled sarcastically, “just doing some damage control. Oi, Lamb, come on!”

“Noooooo,” she whined as she was dragged bit by bit back to the Gryffindor table. “I was going to confess my love!”

“Everyone is watching!” Chocolate hissed, glancing around the Great Hall and noticing that everyone’s eyes were on them, even the professors. “You can do it later. Please. Just come back now.”

Lamb frowned, but gave in. “Fine.”

“Bread,” Lamb said to him once she sat down beside him in potions.

He looked up, surprise flashing over his face at the fact that she wasn’t professing her love for him for once. “What?”

“Go with me to Hogsmeade this Sunday.”

She watched him sag, like she had just obliterated his hopes and dreams.

“No.”

“Please!”

“No.”

“Pretty please.”

“I will never say yes.”

“You will say yes!” Lamb declared. Suddenly, her face morphed to one of confusion. “Wait. What did I just say?”

“I will say yes?” Bread repeated, before realising too late with a look of dawning horror on his face.

“Yes! See, I told you you would say yes,” Lamb grinned, looping her arm around his. Bread flinched, but didn’t move his hand away. She would come right back if he did. “You’re the best crush ever.”

“Crush?” he repeated, bemused.

“Well, I want to change that to boyfriend if you’d let me,” she smirked, and he instantly turned his head away, slightly mortified at the fact that she was the one flirting with him.

“No,” he said, and her face fell. “No, and that’s final.”

“Honestly, Madam Puddifoot’s is just,” she scrunched her nose up, shaking her head. “I don’t know what sort of vapid, uncultured, shallow person goes into that place. I would die before I brought my boyfriend,” she grinned, before tiptoeing to boop his nose, “to that sort of place.”

He scrunched his nose too, but for a completely different reason. “Dude. I know you’re under a love potion, but stop calling me your boyfriend. I’m not.”

“But it’s so cute,” Lamb’s smile dropped, “you’re cute.”

He barely resisted the smile that subconsciously appeared at her words.

“Stop spouting nonsense,” he scowled, though there was no heat behind his words.

“But anyway,” she ignored him, “let’s go to Zonkos! I know you love the jokes. I’m not a big fan of them but hey! If you love them I’ll accompany you too. Because that’s what girlfriends do.”

“For the last time,” he said through clenched teeth, “I’m not your boyfriend, you’re not my girlfriend, and we’re not in a relationship. I’m only doing this so you won’t kill me for embarrassing you entirely in front of the school.”

“Oh, when I go back to normal, silly me is going to think I’m embarrassing her anyway,” Lamb waved her hand dismissively, “so don’t worry. And anyway, surely you know that I’m even infatuated with you because you were the person for which I held the most romantic attraction?”

He stopped in the middle of Hogsmeade, drawing a few curious looks. “What?” he hissed, incredulous.

She shook her head. “And I thought you were intelligent. The reason why I’m even affected by a supposedly-failed potion like that is because I liked someone at all. If I was aromantic, like I’m sure Chocolate probably is, it wouldn’t work on me at all.”

He glanced at her strangely, trying to mask the turmoil within him. “Why are you strangely sentient?”

Staring at her, nonplussed, Bread nodded slowly. “Okay.”

Suddenly, she said, “Kiss me.”

He choked.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, Bread’s traitorous mind suggested), they didn’t actually get to that.

It was the middle of Potions and they were brewing the Invigoration Draught when Lamb suddenly seized up in her spot beside him. Bread, concerned, looked over at the girl, only to meet her panicked and distressed eyes, and he instantly knew.

He just knew.

It had been exactly a month since the cauldron exploded in her face.

Even as she bolted out of the classroom, ignoring Slughorn’s calls, he didn’t do anything to stop her. Instead, he continued brewing the potion, his heart and his mind battling for dominance. While his brain told him he should clearly be relieved at such a nightmare passing, his heart was screaming for him to chase after her, be sad, declare his love for her, anything for her to come back.

He chose to believe he was relieved, even while his heart ached in the corner.

Why. Was. He. Even. Sad?

“Oh my God, Lamb, please come out and eat,” Chocolate pleaded through the door of the bathroom. “It’s been a day. You will actually die. Plus, I can’t see you, but I’m sure you look ugly crying.”

Lamb laughed involuntarily, choking on it right after. Her body was trembling, wracked with all the sobs she managed to muster after coming back to her senses. She had embarrassed herself for one whole month, thirty whole days, in front of the entire school.

At that thought, the tears began falling again.

“Lamb! Please come out! We’ll Obliviate everyone for you!” Xiaolongbao yelled.

“We’ll send Bread to China so you’ll never see him,” Jelly suggested.

“I mean, like, who needs Bread anyway?” Sorbet said, unsure. Immediately afterwards, multiple voices started yelling, and through the noise, Lamb could pick out a “Okay, okay! I’m sorry! I was trying to be helpful!” and she snorted at her friends’ immaturity.

Going out felt like dying. She couldn’t believe she had been so bold, so stupid, so un-Lamb. She wasn’t even sure if she could face anyone ever again.

“Lamb I WILL BUST THIS DOOR OPEN IF YOU DON’T COME OUT! I WON’T LET YOU STARVE!” Chocolate screamed, and started banging on the door.

“Okay, okay,” Lamb conceded, wiping her tears off her face. Staring at herself in the mirror, she realised she looked like an absolute nightmare. “I’m coming out.”

“FINALLY!” Jelly exclaimed.

When she saw Bread in the corridor, she bolted immediately in the opposite direction.

“Hey,” he said, giving her a mini heart attack with the way he appeared just behind her. She gave him no time to talk before sprinting away maniacally, as if chased by Dementors.

“Please wait!” he called, but she ignored it, focusing on the sound of her beating heart. Whether it was exercise or nerves, she didn’t know.

She skipped Potions just for this. She was sure Slughorn would understand.

Lamb gasped as she was pulled into an alcove. Looking up, she saw the face that had been haunting her like a malevolent spirit that just wouldn’t go away. She paled dramatically, and tried to tug her hand away.

“Let go,” she whispered, but he didn’t budge.

“No,” he said, before taking in a deep breath.

“Look,” he said, and she did exactly that. “I know you’re embarrassed. But like, uh, you don’t really have to. I don’t think so. Because like, you know, you’re only embarrassed if like, the person that’s involved in whatever you did, uh, doesn’t like it or has a bad impression of you. But like, hey, that didn’t happen. So, uh, you don’t have to be sad. Or starve yourself. I haven’t seen you eat properly in days.”

Lamb struggled to understand.

“You’ve been watching me eat?” she settled for a question.

His lips flattened into a straight line as his hand rubbed his neck.

“I mean like,” he said awkwardly, “I’ve kinda always been watching you?”

“What are you, a stalker?” she asked.

Even though it was dark, she could see his embarrassment. “I expected something else but. like, okay…”

“No, no,” she backtracked. “I like it.”

She wanted to slap herself.

They stared at each other for a long time.

“So what you, or not you, or maybe it was you,” he fumbled, “what you said about having feelings for me already, leading to you actually getting affected. Was that… was that true?”

There it was, the dreaded question. What should she say? Yes? No? The truth? A lie?

“You want the truth or the lie?”

“Obviously the truth.”

Lamb took a deep breath.

“No,” she told him, watching his reaction carefully. Instantly, his face crumbled, before an impenetrable mask blocked any feelings from even showing on his face.

“I see,” he said icily, “I’ll leave you alone.”

Then, before she could help it, a grin, so wide she felt like she was splitting her face in two, took over her face and swept her off her feet.

“Dude,” she said, and he stopped, hearing the clear smile in her voice. “I was joking. The answer is yes a hundred times over.”

He froze.

“Because yes, I, uh,” she stuttered, feeling her cheeks heat up. “I like you, okay? I do like you. And I hate that it took this stupid potion for me to actually show it but like, yes! I do like you!”

Slowly, he turned to face her, the same shit-eating grin she had on her face on his.

“Good, because, uh,” he paused, before saying, “I think I might like you too.”

And so Hogwarts became peaceful again.

taglist: @danishmiilk @slippinglasses

#breadandlamb #fluff #again #sort of like a repost but i never posted it in the first place

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darkanachronism · 5 years ago

Text

Keziah Mason Meets the Whateley’s

"Who 're yew an' what're yew doin' in my lab?" Wilbur demanded, looking down at the old woman.

"Depends," she started, "on why you smell like Yuggoth."

~~~~~

What’s this, me posting writing on main? More likely then you think. Anyways have the Lovecraft crossover no one asked for.

Wilbur had been preparing the shed for some time now. He didn't have to yet, but he would eventually with Twin getting as big as it was.

For now though, he just wanted a bit of space. A little respite from his mother, from his brother. From the Byhakee it had upstairs.

Just a quiet place to read, to write, to study.

Admittedly it was a rather sad little makeshift lab, but it was his nonetheless. The chairs and tables fit him, he barely had to stoop to get in the door, yes this was as comfortable as he could hope to get.

Wilbur was just about to enter with another armful of books when he heard a crash from inside.

The crash, and accompanying string of curse words belonged to an old woman stumbling out of a corner, tripping over a pile of books and face planting onto the floor.

Keziah Mason has taken a wrong turn on her trip back to Arkham. Something she immediately decided not to tell anyone about, in a rush or not this was an amateur mistake.

She rolled onto her back and cussed again. Being fairly certain she'd heard some bone or other make a noise it shouldn't. And took in her surroundings, digging in the pockets of her robe for something to throw at whoever owned the place.

The door creaked open and Keziah was staring down the barrel of a revolver.

Fuck.

"Who 're yew an' what're yew doin' in my lab?" Wilbur demanded, looking down at the old woman. She looked harmless.

So did lots of things.

Keziah blinked in surprise, trying to take in all of the massive figure that loomed above her, to place the unearthly stink that came off him, and come up with an answer to his questions all at once.

"Depends," she started, "on why you smell like Yuggoth."

She managed two out of three, and to stall for time on the third. The gun lowered just a little, Wilbur's brows furrowing in surprise. Not the answer he’d been expecting. Or for that matter one he’d accept.

"I’ll answer yew once yew answer me seein’ as I asked first an' I've got the gun."

No point in distracting himself.

"Both valid points. I'm Keziah Mason, and I took a wrong turn. Now you."

Cryptic and sort of a non answer, but in certain circles her name preceded her, and in others bothering to explain that you were not just a common burglar but an fiendishly intelligent witch who could use her knowledge of advanced physics and arcane secrets to travel long distances via interdimensional shortcuts, well that sort of talk was just as likely to earn you a bullet as keeping quiet. Even if the man towering above her could barely pass for human himself.

" 's just how I smell is all." He answered her first question. "And I'm Wilbur Whateley." She hadn’t asked for a name, but it seemed polite to give one.

Whateley, of course, everything clicked into place.

“Yog-Sothoth’s kid then?” She asked quirking a wiry brow. She’d expected more...Tentacles? Maybe a tail or something. Still, something around the eyes put her in mind of the fathomless space beyond spaces.

The revolver dropped to Wilbur's side as he tried to puzzle through how to respond to being called out so casually. He nodded. Not sure what else to do.

"Help an old lady up would you?"

Wilbur did, hauling Keziah rather artlessly to her feet, still baffled into silence.

"How'd yew know that?"

Keziah shrugged. “Your family’s been at this for a while. Honestly I’m surprised things lined up."

"Yeah, guess et were a bit 've wurk on granpa's part." Wilbur trailed off mumbling, scratching the back of his neck and looking around for something else to discuss. The topic of his conception was awkward, he imagined that was one of the few things he had in common with any other teenager.

"Sorry, didn't catch that. Tinnitus." Keziah said, adding the explanation with a grimace. It was a small price to pay for visiting The Court of course, but a deuced nuisance most of the time.

"Uhh, Nuthin'." Wilbur said, before changing the topic abruptly.

"Yew still didn’t explain why yer here."

"Told you I took a wrong turn.” She was trying to sound casual, but perhaps came off as a tiny bit defensive. “Just a tiny miscalculation on my part. We are in New England aren’t we?"

"Dunnich."

Keziah pulled a face and Wilbur laughed.

"Take et yew've visited before?"

"Not if I can help it. Is it still as painfully backwoods as it was in...1786?"

Wilbur quirked a brow, sure, she looked old, but not that old.

"Nah, et's wurse."

"You poor thing." Keziah patted him on the arm, it was about all she could reach.

The condescension wasn't appreciated, nor was the physical contact, Wilbur pulled away from that, but since she evidently loathed Dunwich, he let it slide.

"Where were yew tryin' t' get then?"

"Arkham."

"That ain’t far,” Wilbur started helpfully. “Yew culd take our horse, Long as yew return et."

It’s not that he was a particularly generous man, he had no natural inclination to help a stranger out. But it wasn’t as if he was planning to ride anywhere any time soon.

Keziah chuckled.

"Thanks for the offer, but I can get there faster." Keziah glanced around the makeshift magical laboratory, looking for something.

"Do you have some graph paper I could borrow?" She asked after a moment.

"Uh, yeah I c-" Wilbur was cut off by a tentative knock on the half opened door.

"Wilbur, dinner's rea-," Lavnia called out, opening the door as she did so. Ordinarily she wouldn't but in like that, Wilbur had been so insistent on his privacy lately. But he’d left it ajar, so she didn’t see any harm.

She paused mid step to stare. In what world did Wilbur have company? And how had she missed the woman showing up in the first place.

"Who's yer friend?" .

Wilbur looked between the two and stepped out of the way to make introductions.

"Uh, hi Ma, this is-"

"Keziah Mason. One of Nyarlathotep's Thousand Favoured." she said, brushing past Wilbur and offering the other woman a hand to shake. No need to be cagey about who she was now.

Lavinia very quickly wiped her hands on her skirts before accepting, clearly flustered by the title drop.

"I'm Lavinia Whateley, pleased t' meet yew."

Wilbur wasn't half so impressed, actually he had to wonder what she did to earn the Crawling Chaos' attention. Or if she wasn't just full of shit like so many magicians turned out to be.

"I'm sure it's mutual. Don't let you keep you from Dinner though, I was just about to leave."

"Yew dun half tew, ef yew dun want. I mean, yew culd stay fer diner ef yew'd lak. We dun often have guests, 'specially 'un so destingished."

Wilbur winced at his mother's gushing and hand wringing. She was special enough in her own right that she shouldn't be tripping over herself to impress some witch who couldn’t even keep her angles right.

Admittedly Wilbur’s understanding of interdimensional travel and the mathematics involved in them were shaky at best. But he could make an educated guess as to what a wrong turn meant.

Keziah considered the invitation, taking a quick look at each of the Whateley’s to guess at how much of an intrusion she’d be before answering.

“Why not, I don’t really need to be back until Sunday.” She gave a casual shrug.

Lavinia positively beamed when the older woman accepted her invitation. A reaction that made Keziah question the other woman’s sanity just a bit.

“Well, house es this way ef yew tew want t’ follow me. Sorry ‘bout the house bein’ in a state, et’s ain’t usually this much ‘ve a mess.” Lavinia gestured for the other two to do just that, before backing out of the door way.

Wilbur let Keziah go out ahead of him and locked up behind the trio.

Dinner at the Whateley house was usually an awkward affair, consisting of strained attempts at small talk from Lavinia and increasingly successful attempts to avoid that small talk on Wilbur’s part. So a third party was appreciated, and it really didn’t take much to set Keziah off.

An idle question about how exactly she knew the Whateley’s from Lavinia prompted wild stories about Wilbur’s great great grandparents, questions about Yuggoth from Wilbur earned an even more energetic response. All the while Keziah displayed the kind of table manners that startled even Wilbur.

It was increasingly difficult to imagine the hunched old woman tearing into a drumstick with clawed hands and trying to explain the Dho Formula through a mouthful of chicken rubbing elbows with The Outer Gods, acting as a messenger for Nyarlathotep himself.

But she did know things. Gods did she know things. His grandpa has known some and read some, and Wilbur had done his best with that meager tutelage and a plethora of crumbling books. But Keziah, she rattled off facts and incantations and corrections to his magical theory like other people talked about the weather.

The conversation was beyond Lavinia’s grasp, she nodded when she thought it was appropriate. And was quickly forgotten by the other two. She didn’t mind though. It was a rare treat to see Wilbur so animated.

Dinner ended with everyone in a good mood, Lavinia offered to clear up and let the other two retreat to Wilbur’s lab, Keziah still had to work out exactly where she’d gone wrong in her calculations earlier, and Wilbur was eager for a crash course traveling the space between spaces.

“Don’t worry kid, I’ll work slow so you can keep up.”

The teasing earned her a sour look. Even as Wilbur bent over the desk to see what she was working on.

“I’m sure I’ll manage just fine, I’m sharper ‘en most folks.”

“So am I.”

If Keziah made things a little unnecessarily complicated just to show off who could blame her. Wilbur was a nice enough kid. But she couldn’t let him think he was smart just because his dad knew absolutely everything there was to know.

Still, she helped. More than slaving over his books alone could. And after some untold hours. Keziah stood up, stretching and cracking her back and knuckles as she did.

“I think that’s enough for the night. I’ve got to get back to Arkham, and I really hate to travel when I’m tired.”

Wilbur looked down at her with a frown.

“S’pose ef yew’ve got tew. Like ma said, yew can come back whenever yew like. Jus’ use a door next time.”

Keziah let out a low scoff and rolled her eyes. “Absolutely not kid, doors are for people with no imagination.”

She traced a quick sign in the air, lines lingering that glowed a shade no human eyes could really appreciate, and without another word Keziah stepped through the corner of Wilbur’s laboratory and was presumably back in Arkham. The space she just occupied tilting strangely before folding in and righting itself.

Wilbur stared and wished he’d had his better eyes out to watch that. Probably would have been quite impressive to see in five dimensions.

#Wilbur Whateley #Lavinia Whateley #The Dunwich Horror #Keziah Mason #Dreams In The Witch House #my writing #I don't know how much of my writing I'll post #but I may as well right

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im-bipolar-but-thats-okay · 4 years ago

Text

New therapist day.

Today I met with a new therapist. I was nervous and excited, I don’t do well meeting new people and meeting someone I have to tell all my inner thoughts to is not any easier.

I started off rattling my medical history, getting diagnosed 4 years ago, the meds I have been taking, the psychiatrist I have been seeing, etc. I guess a part of me was worried that she wouldn’t believe me when I told her I am bipolar. I think a part of me is always scared people won’t believe me when I say I am bipolar. Partially because I am stable and even though I am very open about my diagnosis, I try to keep my symptoms to myself. I try to look presentable and put together even when I feel like I am falling apart. I am mostly stable though. I think I have been one of the luckier ones who has seen success with medication and therapy. I am thankful for that.

The therapist seemed unimpressed with my introduction and asked me more about myself. She said, “You aren’t your diagnosis.” But aren’t I? Doesn’t it dictate my entire day depending on what mood my body decides to wake up in? Doesn’t it dictate how I am going to respond and react to people? Doesn’t it tell me whether I’m gonna cry in bed all day or get up and deep clean my whole apartment? I didn’t question her though.

I did my best to explain who I am and what I like to do. I”m 30 years old and I have no children. I’m not married but I am seeing someone. Its a new relationship about 2.5 months. He is kind and sweet and patient. On my free time I like to draw and watercolor. Sometimes I crochet stuff animals. Other than that I like to drink beer and hang out with my friends.

Oh and... I’m struggling with alcohol. That is when we dived into the good stuff. I told her about how I’ve been struggling with drinking the last few months. For awhile I was drinking every day. Not getting drunk or wasted, I was just having a few beers. Until, I realized it was a problem. So I decided to not keep beer in my house. I can’t drink everyday if I don’t have beer. Out of sight, out of mind. (I actually do have a 6 pk in my fridge right now but it has been there for a week and I’m not touching it. OKAY? That’s another story anyways.) So far it has worked out, but I got a little out of control a few weeks ago. And I drank too much last Sunday. The aforementioned boyfriend had to come save me and deal with my drunk ass puking and crying. I probably don’t deserve him, but that’s not the point of this post. And I will make a more detailed post about my struggles with alcohol later. Anyways, she mentioned going to AA meetings. I hesitated. This is not the first time someone has suggested AA to me before. And to be honest after a very bad night a few weeks ago, I really thought about going and quitting altogether. The problem is I don’t want to quit. I love beer. I love Deep Ellum Dallas Blondes. She told me she as 26 years sober. She told me about the night she decided to quit. She told me I can’t change unless I really want to. AA won’t be of any help if I don’t want to stop drinking. It left me with a lot to think about.

But that wasn’t all we talked about. Oh no. We started to go in on my interesting childhood. My verbally and sometimes physically abusive father. The unique household I grew up in. When my depression really hit in high school. A little about my dating history, a lot about the 2 years I spent in an abusive relationship where he even stalked me afterwards. My abortion when I was 20 years old. She said I had been through a lot. I told her that wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg.

We also talked about suicidal ideations. If you don’t know, anytime you speak to a therapist, psychiatrist, or you tell anyone you are struggling with depression they will ask you if you have any suicidal ideations. I kind of hate this question. It feels so personal and a little judgmental. No, I do not think about suicide. Have I before? Yes. Have I attempted? Almost. Do I think about hurting myself? It has been about a year since I was scared of myself and actually thought about having myself committed. But the reason I hate the question the most is because I don’t think about killing myself. But I don’t care if someone else does. I don’t care if I don’t wake up tomorrow or if I get hit by a bus. I do not think its the same as suicidal ideation, but professionals like to lump it together. I don’t know why I don’t care. She asked me if I felt like my life wasn’t worth living. Nope. I don’t have anything to live for.

To be honest, I lead what should be a good life. I should be happy, but I’m not. Most of the time I’m okay, content maybe, but nothing more. I have a nice apartment, a good job, a functional vehicle, loving family, handsome boyfriend, and two adorable fur babies. So what is missing? I don’t know. I do not have aspirations for anything. I would like to have a family someday and raise my own children but that is about it. I don’t care about traveling the world or I don’t want my own business or I don’t want to be in the guiness book of world records. I just don’t want anything. She tried to ask me when I started feeling this way. I said I don’t remember. I guess I have felt like this for a long time.

Our session was a little short because I showed up late. Classic me. She asked me if I would like to schedule another appointment. I said yes. She was nice. She was older than I had hoped, but she was nice. I don’t think you can judge someone after such a short meeting, but it went better than I hoped.

I’m glad I reached out to have a therapist again. If you take away anything from my post, it should be that you should always reach out for help. If you feel like you need medication or someone to talk to find a psychiatrist or find a therapist. if you have one but they aren’t helping or you don’t like them, find another. Don’t stop striving to help yourself.

#bipolar #bipolar disorder #mental health #mental illness #depression #mania #therapy #suicide #suicidal ideations #alcoholism #abuse

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erismerald · 5 years ago

Text

MY NEW ROAD - Chapter 1

» Older Daniel Diaz x reader

» Warnings: mature, romance, blood, gang

Chapter 2

» So i was hoping i could read something about daniel diaz, at the end of 5 ep, and as i was sick of waiting, so i decided to write a long short about older daniel diaz, so let's go :)

And there I was, in this moment i was terrified, I could I feel my blood coming out of my belly, it hurts a lot... I couldn't breathe, or think, to be honest I didn't know what to do... Who is he? Why is he here? For a few seconds i felt my body being lifted up.

" Y/N ? Oh please wake up... ahhh SEAN!!!!"

I recognized this voice, but I just let my eyes close, I felt my body fall asleep.

*A FEW HOURS EARLIER*

So HI!! My name is y/n, im 17 and right now I'm living on my own in Mexico, more property in puerto lobos.

I'm a very simple girl, I grew up in LA with my grandparents, I never met my parents, and during my life, my grandparents never told me about their daughter, they just told me that she had abandoned me when I was Little, and as for my father, they didn't know who she was, so I never really cared about that.

I've been living here for about six weeks,I study in a small americam school, near here. I'm loving living here I never thought, that a dream I had since I was little would come true so soon, I decided to live here, because I love Mexican culture and not to mention that living by the beach never tires anyone, and I still have the privilege of seeing the sunset disappear into the waves...

Since I was a child I was very shy and I don't know how to express myself to others anht this is the reason why I've not be able to make friends in this new school yet, I feel ashamed when they look at me or try to talk to me, it's complicated, however, I've always managed to make some friends in LA, people I talk to almost every single day.

it's already 7 am i think i should be preparing for school but i think laziness has won ahaha, I got up and tried to take as little time as possible, I don't want to be late again or Ms. Lopez will kick me out of her class again.

I was new to that school and it wasn't the first time I was late, which I can say I love sleeping, but I have to work harder to make sure that doesn't happen, and I'm going to start right now haha.

I tried to take as little time as possible, of course that for me it's kind of impossible, because, I still had to take a shower before going, but I think at least I won't be late this time, I look at the clock and OMG is already 7:50 and the classes start at 8:00, ahhhhh how will I get to school in 10... Afff so much effort for nothing, well at least I can still get to the beginning of the first class.

On the way to school, I saw him again... I think his name is Daniel, he's from my class but I never talked to him before, and to be honest, I never had the courage to talk to him, well... not only with him, I think with everyone in general, so far I haven't made any friends, except the lady from the apartment next door, and we only talk on Sundays, because we have the same way when we go to church.

I think I've been looking at him too long... why do I say that? He's looking at me right now. I can't deny it he's beautiful... he's so mysterious, but from what I've seen of him, at school he's very fun, reserved, but fun.

I felt him staring at me, which made me completely ashamed, and my only option for not having to talk to him was to hit him and not, to look at him as I passed by, even with my back to him his gaze managed to make me feel a huge chill, but it's a good thing that I'm already arriving at school.

For real I didn't know what to tell him anyways.

When i arrived at school i came across Ms.Lopez on the way. And I think it was at this moment that I realized I was completely fucked up, I tried to go unnoticed, but without success.

And when I turned back I only saw her ferocious gaze directed at me.

"Miss l/n shouldn't be in class already. Preferably sitting at your desk waiting for me." - she looked at me with a deadly look on her face

"oh I finally find you y/n, thx for waiting for me, and here you have your Spanish book that you lent me." He looked at me and winked at me, so that I could continue with the theater.

"O-of course I do, Daniel, there's nothing to be thankful for" he stands next to me and takes my hand. And he gave me the book, I felt my heart go off a thousand an hour...When I lifted my face I saw his eyes glued on me, why did he protect me?

"Is that why you were late?" She looked at me and then at Daniel, I felt the anger in her eyes

"yes i decided to wait for daniel" i smiled at her, and i felt daniel put himself behind me

"Vamos, no te enojes con ella, maestra. Sólo fue esta vez (Come on, don't get mad at her, teacher. It was just this time .)" Daniel grabbed my shoulders and spoke, I saw Ms. Lopez calm her eyes and take a deep breath.

"Hum being so, i let you pass your delay this time you two have 5 minutes to introduce you in my class, and miss L/N thank the boy Daniel for helping her " his voice was calm now but his words were cold.

She continued on her way to the classroom, and I hear Daniel laughed

"You're welcome!" daniel said as my body moved, his voice was now hoarse, I sounded hypnotized by the voice of him.

"T-thank you for helping me." I tried to be short and quick in my answer. I was so nervous and idk why.

"let's go to class before Ms. Lopez decides to murder us, because we're late" daniel just went on her way but stopped 3 steps ahead of me.

"will have to pull you?" he laughs softly and throws a half smile, my heart, jumped a beat when i saw that smile.

"Y-yes" I just followed him.... When we arrived in the room each one sat in his seat, but for some reason, Daniel kept looking at me and it made me nervous for the rest of the time.

During the rest of the day, everything went as usual, except for the failed attempt by me to escape Daniel's gaze, I don't know what he was looking for in me, but I think I managed to make him lose interest for a while. I think.

When I finally rang the exit bell, I was the first to leave for the first time, I didn't want to know anything else, I just wanted to get home and enjoy being alone.

When I walked through the school gate, I took a deep breath and tried to rearrange my ideas, how can something as simple as talking to a person make me so nervous?

I'll speed up the walk and look at the sky and then at the sea at the end of the street to calm myself down. I didn't understand what was going on this day but I just asked it to end quickly. Yeah, to tell you the truth, I've never had a boy look at me for so long, am I getting a crush on him? AHHHHH well I hope not.

When I was almost at home, I felt a chill on my back and soon I could be able to realized what was happening....

"Are you trying to avoid me?" Not that voice, not again.

I turned slowly and there he was, did he follow me? When I looked at him I felt my face boiling with shame.

"Did the Cat eat your tongue?" he looked at me and laughed, and began to approach me.

I tried to ignore to not have to answer, I really suffered from many anxiety problems and did not know what to do in these situations.

"okay i got you, you don't want to talk to me don't worry" he looked at the floor and his cheerful expression went to sadness

"well see you tomorrow at school" when he was going to turn around and continue on his way i screamed

"WAIT"

He turned to me and smiled... OH God that smile was so sweet

"I thought you weren't gonna answer ahaha."

"I'm not ignoring you, or avoiding you...I'm just too shy to talk" I couldn't face his eyes so I just looked at the ground.

"Are you sure? I didn't want to get into it with Ms Lopez, but I knew if I didn't, she'd kick you out of her class" when I looked up I came across the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen.

It made me blush, involuntarily, I didn't know what to say.

"thank you...and it's okay, I'd be kicked out if it wasn't for you too, so thank you for helping me."

"You're welcome, I've always seen you being very shy with everyone and you don't seem to be the kind of person who would be late on purpose, well, I won't take up your time. See you tomorrow"

he said with a perverse smile on his face

"Oh and if tomorrow you want company for the school I can wait here for you".

I didn't have time to say anything else I just agreed and entered the building.

When I got home I lay on the couch, looking at the ceiling, trying to see what had happened, I didn't notice it, but I felt my body tired and ended up falling asleep.

"Daniel... Something about him attracted me...'

I opened my eyes very slowly, I looked at the window and it was already dark, I picked up my phone and turned it on, I had 5 unanswered calls from my grandmother, this was strange she didn't call me so often

I dialed her number and called...

"y/n honey is you?"

"yes Grandma, what's going on? I'm sorry I was so tired that I fell asleep and didn't hear you call".

Without telling me anything else she felt like she was crying, but what happened to make my grandmother cry she hardly ever does, and when I say that she doesn't, it's because it's rare.

"Honey, I have something to tell you... Your mother is looking for you," those words left me unanswered, my mother?

No...

Couldn't be, my mother abandoned me 16 years ago, for me she died... I started crying, that person who abandoned me 16 years ago, now its looking for me why? I had so many questions in my mind, I couldn't talk to anybody, I just need some time.

"honey are there? Y/n?" My grandmother called me...

"I'm sorry Grandma, I need to think a little, I'll call you later."

"darling no-" i hung up on her, i don't like to do this but i need time to process

I got up, grabbed my jacket and went out towards the beachWhen I got there I sat down on the sand, and watched the sea, and the waves coming at me, I didn't want to believe that my mother was looking for me, if she hadn't wanted me in 16 years, she wouldn't want me now.... Now I did not even want her back

At that moment I felt that I was not alone there, I turned around and saw a group of people coming towards me.

I got up quickly and tried to get out of there, but it was too late.

Fear sometimes makes us irrational, and at this moment I did not know what to do, I did not know how to react, I was scared, I felt one of the men grabbing me by the arms, and attached me to his body

"hey you, don't move so much kittens, let's talk"

The second man spoke and stood in front of me, and grabbed my face forcing me to look at him.

"so you're the Diaz little princess aren't you?" I wasn't noticing anything, I just tried to get away but without success, I wonder what would happen to me...

I tried to fight and I tried to let go, but unfortunately I only did worse, he pressed himself behind my back and won't let me go.

"Let's teach that boy a lesson, that's what he and his brother will pay to judge us dumb."

One of them pulled a knife out of his waist and approached me...

"NO PLEASE DON'T"

I started screaming, and crying madly, I was now completely scared.

At that very moment, I felt the blade pierce my skin... I didn't know what to do, I just tried to struggle

But when I turned my head, there he was, out of nowhere, the people around me were thrown away, I felt my body fall into the sand...

" Y/N ? Oh please wake up... ahhh SEAN!!!!"

I recognized this voice, but I just let my eyes close, I felt my body fall asleep...

But to be honest I felt my body warm, from this moment on, it just got dark.

_______________________________________

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wasalwaysagreatpickle · 5 years ago

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Monday 25 January 1830

8 1/4

1 1/4

At my desk at 9 10/.. –

No motion at all for the first time I think since beginning with vegetable diet but had one afterwards at one o’clock –

From about 9 1/2 to 10 3/4 read over the 2 newspapers – Galignani’s messenger and the new daily paper which has made its first appearance today, and of which they send round the 1st no. by way of prospectus, the ‘London express and Paris advertiser’ – 4 columns, but larger and better print than Galignani’s – there is always to be a literary article – that this morning on and in high praise of Moore’s life of Byron, well enough to get up – to be concluded in the next paper tomorrow – Breakfast at 10 3/4 in 1/2 hour –

From then to two and a quarter wrote the copy of and the letter to Mrs De Hageman –

Wrote a small sized sheet full (4pp.) to Madame de Hageman – chit chat answer to her letter – a great deal about her little boy as this subject will, of course, interest her most – ‘He is really a very fine boy, - a boy of considerable talent, with much more appearance of application than is usually joined to so much quickness, and with all so well taught by mamma that he gives no trouble to anyone, and we are really pleased to have him for his own sake…..It is understood by all parties that he is to come every other Sunday’….

Put my letter and what little Frederic wrote yesterday into an envelope together then put the whole under cover to ‘Monsieur monsieur Stuart’ ‘I shall be very much obliged to you if you will send the enclosed to Turin by Lord Stuart de Rothesay’s bag – very truly yours Anne Lister, Monday 25 January 1830 –

Went out with my aunt 2 1/2 – en passant George took my letter to the Embassy – drove to the Bois de Boulogne walked my usual way to B- then by the allée Bourbon to Passy – through the village and by the river to Madame Decante’s – brought back [cartou] and dress, and home at 5 –

George brought in my letter sent back by Mr Henry Stuart to say they had no communication with Turin but by post and to beg me to put a full direction on my letter – very civil and I am sorry to have given him so much trouble – Letter per petite post from the Embassy from Miss Maclean 2 sheets i.e. 7pp. and the ends, and enclosing a very nice full 1/2 sheet from Miss Hobart who, it seems, has been very unwell – cold and fever- confined to her bed some days – bled, blistered etc. –

She seems to have been pleased with my last Dear Miss Lister thanks for one of my own pet letters

Your treatise on ‘admiration’ is worthy of being put in print, and if [?] before the age of rage of printing and publishing all private writings is over, the world may have the advantage of it, but not while I live: as long as I have power over anything, it shall rest with its predecessors (and I hope successors) in your pretty Berlin no. Vienna Bex, which I have dedicated to your letters, instead of ‘gants’, as being more worthy of it’ –

Concludes with ever affectionately yours in fact I believe she likes me as well or perhaps better than she likes most others –

Miss Maclean’s letter full of Mr Long – she is not angry with me as I expected, but still fills her pp. about the wonders done by this man who has however the gratitude to say, (perhaps truly) he owes all his success among the higher ranks, to her – she says Sir Colin Campbell has made an immense stir about him at a dinner at the duke of wellington’s – the duke is a convert he says, and McDougall called on me yesterday – who says the uproar is great and that both colonel C- (Campbell) and Sir Colin are up in arms on Mr Long’s side’ etc. etc. she concludes her letter with the following postscript ‘I could tell you wonders of Mr Long, but I am bound to secrecy for the present – you may entirely pull out the sting of having caused me to place myself under him – I feel proud in having increasingly proclaimed my opinion even when he seemed almost forsaken by the malignant reports of his medical opposers he thanks me for my courageous conduct and says all his present prosperity he owes to me’ – Poor Sibbella! gulled past all recal! But ‘tis the business and perhaps the happenings of her life, and leave her to the enjoyment of it – she says the cause of the death of sir Thomas Lawrence is only whispered now, but will soon make a commotion (nothing but commotion) he was bled – the arm (I suppose it was) carelessly bandaged – began to bleed again – his servant called for assistance – the medical man would not hurry! and he bled to death! ‘Mr Long has no high respect for Mr Crosbie though on the side of politics they agree – not on the letter Mr Long was indignant at it…. I know not whether the duke’ (of Cumberland) ‘has struck him off the list of chaplains or not, I rather think not, for Mr Crosbie is in high spirits…. do not mention this – The duke wrote to Mr Crosbie that he could not publicly countenance him at present but not to fear – the time would come’ – Believe this who can –

She says ‘Lady Stuart seems much pleased at Lady De Rothesays attention in inviting you to her parties so frequently’ poor good old Lady I do believe she would do anything she could for me

‘All you have said of my Vere’ (page 3 third sheet)’ from your very first letter has not been lost on me, though I said nothing particular in reply – nor shall I now – except that I am really sorry for your unsettled feeling – which you so feelingly mention in most of your late letters’ - …. ‘I do not correspond regularly with the Mackenzies – If the duchess of Hamilton is still in Paris you better write her a little note with Miss Mackenzies book and request to know]where she is and forward the book to her – you and she are not like – she is not strong – talented and accomplished and excellent and a little oddish too – but I have no notion whether she also has a travelling mania’ – Miss Hobart mentions having just heard from Paris a story against Lady Graves with a certain duke – ‘that good for nothing duke ought to be hanged there several times for his manifold iniquities’ – Lady Gordon to return to London this week -

Dinner at 5 50/.. – came to my room at 7 – wrote, except the first 4 lines, as far as line 21 of today – Forest dressed my hair – dressed – stood reading Cloquet (Ethmoide) – coffee at 9 20/.. – off at 9 1/2 to Lady [Yavasours] – Captain and Miss Hall there – and some time afterwards came Sir Charles and Lady Style – M Moreau there – a few gentlemen I spoke to, but nobody else I knew or asked to be introduced to – played one game at écarté with Lady Style and won ten sols – came away at 11 1/2 – home in my room at 11 3/4 –

Not very pleasant party to me individually knew too few people Lady Style prefers talking to men as most women do

It seems the [Yavasours] are to spend next summer at Spa! How will this advance the education of their children? there will be another scene of visiting – spa balls etc. –

Fine soft day – Fahrenheit I should suppose at 40˚ or above –

#anne lister #anne lister code breaker #sibella maclean #1830

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hqsloane · 5 years ago

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hello !! it’s ally back at it again with another muse !! for those of you who don’t know, i also play violet ( the taylor hill fc ) !! but this is a very new muse that i’m v excited about, so if you want to plot just like this post & i’ll slide into your dms <3

chicago’s very own sloane windsor has been spotted on madison avenue driving a rolls-royce dawn , welcome ! your resemblance to charlotte d'alessio is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twentieth birthday bash . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re insatiable , but being gregarious might help you . i think being a libra explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be designer sunglasses disguising bloodshot eyes , vintage abba records , a room full of first place trophies. ( i just got out of rehab for a drug addiction ) & ( cisfemale + she/her ) + ( ally , 21 , she/her )

full name: sloane ( warrior ) madeleine ( of french origin woman meaning ‘ woman from magdala or high tower ’ ) windsor ( english last name ). nickname(s): s, princess. age: twenty. birthday: 3 october 1999. zodiac: libra. gender: cisfemale. pronouns: she / her / hers. sexual orientation: bisexual. languages spoken: english & french. hometown: buckhead, georgia. occupation: vlogger. parents: darcy sinclair ( rachel mcadams ) & spencer windsor ( jon hamm ). siblings: two older brothers. pet(s): forrest ( golden retriever ) & jenny ( border collie ). religion: southern baptist. drink / drugs / sex: yes / yes / yes. height: 5′5. right/left handed: left handed. tattoos: a rose on her hip ( x ), this on the back of her right elbow, & a quote on her ribs ( x ). positive traits: gregarious, discerning, tender, impartial, dignified, courageous, independent, empathetic, & audacious. negative traits: covetous, controlling, aloof, rebellious, daunting, compulsive, tactless, vain, cunning, obstinate, & snarky. hobbies: photography, traveling, procrastination, meddling, partying, late night instagram live streams, dancing on tables well past last call, visiting art museums, & video editing. habits: tying her hair up in a loose ponytail when she’s stressed, fleeing the country on a whim, chewing the insides of her cheek in order to hold back what she truly wants to say, chewing the ends of brightly colored pens, binge drinking, & doodling. labels: the catalyst ( the independent one ), the doctrinaire ( the perfectionist ), & the aesthete ( the muse ). aesthetics: cat eye sunglasses shielding emerald hues, mascara tear stained cheeks, shattered trophies, polaroids, disposable film, late night notifications, hiding any ounce of emotion behind a camera, paint splattered jeans, parisian architecture, sunday brunch, missed phone calls, & the longing for her mother’s approval. style inspo: nicola peltz, bella hadid, kendall jenner, rosie huntington whiteley, meghan markle, & alexa chung. here are just a few examples of her wardrobe !! ( x x x x x ) muse inspo: monica geller ( friends ), caroline forbes ( the vampire diaries ), serena van der woodsen ( gossip girl ), lydia martin ( teen wolf ), peyton sawyer ( one tree hill ), nancy wheeler ( stranger things ), & emily fitch ( skins ). net worth: 30 million.

background ;;

before spencer & darcy got married in 1989, they knew all they wanted was one child: a girl. yet, their life did not go according to plan. after they welcomed their first child into the world ( a boy ), they figured that the next one would be a girl. they of course loved their son more than anything in this world, but they knew they wanted a daughter to complete their growing family. however, when darcy discovered the sex of their second child was a boy, she knew she wouldn’t stop having children until they welcomed their perfect girl into this world.

soon after the birth of their second son, they discovered they were expecting again. this time, with the daughter they had always wanted !! sloane was born on october 3rd, 1999 in a wealthy suburb of atlanta, georgia. & from the day she was born, an enormous pressure was put on her.

what you need to know about the windsor family ( other than their strong southern roots ) is that they’re extremely rich. they are high key based off the carrington’s from dynasty bc i’m #trash. buttttt what you need to know is that they own a multibillion dollar international oil company called windsor industries ( formerly known as windsor petroleum group ).

if you aren’t familiar with oil conglomerates, all you need to know is that windsor industries are responsible for literal power. they are one of the leading producers for oil & gas in the world which is why they have offices all over the country. & let me tell you, they don’t conduct business ethically !! they are notorious for fracking & their continuous use of fossil fuels. when people talk about climate change, they constantly bring up windsor industries & how much they have contributed to global warming. & to make matters worse, spencer & his eldest son put millions of dollars into the pockets of politicians to get them to support their cause & vote against climate change regulation. so if we all burn up one day, you can blame them !!

the windsor family has lived in georgia for generations ( big yikes ) & that’s where they started the family business in 1942. spencer’s grandfather came from a long line of prominent politicians in state politics which is why his family was ready to disown him when he decided to go into business over politics. but when his business took off & he was making more money than everyone else in his family by the age of twenty-two, they quickly shut up & started supporting him.

since then, windsor industries has been passed down from generation to generation. spencer was handed the business on his thirtieth birthday ( twenty years ago ) & has been dominating ever since. once his eldest son turned eighteen, he quickly got him involved & he is expected to take over the family business one day.

as successful as his business is, spencer is known as the bad guy in america. he is a billionaire who doesn’t know what it’s like to come from humble beginnings. he was literally handed a multibillion dollar business & the rest was history !! he definitely is a bad guy since he doesn’t care about the environment or anything else. all he cares about is making money no matter who gets hurt. he was even considered to work for trump at one point but quickly declined !! he just wrote him a big ass check instead bcsjkhdfs

but he does love his family. he would do literally anything for his family despite his tough love approach to his two sons. but when it comes to sloane, he is a complete softie. she can literally do no wrong in his eyes which is why they have such a great relationship !!

darcy, on the other hand, did not come from a lot of money. like her husband, she’s also from georgia but she’s not from a rich suburb. she is from a rural town where she literally grew up in a trailer. & from an early age, she always knew she wanted more. she was always ungrateful for her life & could have cared less about how hard her parents worked to support her & her three other siblings.

things for darcy changed by the time she was eighteen !! she became miss. america which isn’t that big of a deal for most. but she took pride on receiving that title after years of competing in local pageants. despite not coming from a lot of money, she always knew how to fool the judges & everyone else for that matter. she really could have cared less about school, all she cared about was winning pageants.

so when she made it into miss. universe, she thought her life was going to be complete !! yet, it didn’t go according to plan. darcy lost the competition & her short lived media coverage quickly died. no one knew who darcy sinclair was until it was announced that she was marrying one of the heirs to windsor industries.

the reason why darcy wanted a daughter so bad was so she could also be a pageant contender. she didn’t want her daughter to grow up to be a doctor, a lawyer, or anything else for that matter. all she wanted for sloane from the day she was born was to be a pageant queen.

by the time sloane turned five, her mother had already registered her for her first pageant. & unlike the ones darcy used to compete in, this was prestigious. her entire childhood consisted of tap dancing classes & pageants taking priority over school. & because her parents pride themselves on their southern values, they really could have cared less about their daughter attending school. so it came as no surprise when she started to slip up !!

& of course, they bribed her school to fix her grades. from the outside looking in, everyone wanted sloane’s life. she had it all: money, family, looks, everything. but in reality, her mother was working her like a dog. she would be practicing for pageants seven days a week with little to no breaks. but once she was crowned little miss georgia, they knew she was destined for greatness.

the older she got, the more pressure her mother would put on her. & sloane took that pressure extremely seriously. all she ever wanted was to please her mother, so she would strive to be nothing less than perfect. & in order to keep up with the strict demands of her mother & her life, she started turning to drugs. at first, she would start taking adderall to have more energy that way she can cater to her hectic schedule.

even sloane will admit that her high school years were a blur due to her growing drug abuse. the only thing holding her together was her growing addiction to pills. her mother knew. she saw the empty pill bottles lying around her bathroom & there was even a late night where she had to call 911 after finding her only daughter unresponsive. but she never told anyone. she never even asked sloane if she was okay or if she needed help. she only cared about her daughter becoming miss. universe since that was a title that she was robbed of.

all her life, sloane has tried to please her mother. everything she has ever done has never been good enough for her. so by the time she was a senior in high school, she decided the only way to escape her life was by going to college. she knew she didn’t have the grades to get in anywhere far enough from atlanta, even if her parents ensured her transcripts were nothing short of flawless. but when she sat her parents down & told them that she wanted to attend college, she was surprised by their reactions. her father, who has always supported sloane, was willing to do anything she wanted even if that meant delaying his wife’s plans for her. & even her mother came around on the idea after she promised her that she would go back to training for miss. universe once she finished college.

& following her graduation from high school, she packed her bags & went to the university of chicago. she figured that this was a school far enough away from her mother which is why she told her father this was the school of her dreams. sloane never questioned anything during her applications process. all she knew was that she needed to leave her mother’s grasp & learn to live life for herself.

at college, she had decided to study photography soon realizing that is one of her passions in life. & she’s damn good at it too. & even though sloane started living life in college, her drug addiction only worsened. there, she was introduced to even more drugs & the craze of combining uppers & downers.

things started to get crazy last year during the college admissions scandal when it was revealed that spencer & darcy had paid to get sloane accepted into the university of chicago. the school agreed to allow her to finish the semester before they would ultimately expel her due to the negative press coverage. & of course on her last night at school, sloane ended up in the hospital.

after combining far too many uppers & downers at a frat party, she overdosed. this was not the first time she landed up in the hospital after a night out, but it was the first time her father found out. & once he found out, he ensured that she would seek the help she needed.

so that’s where sloane spent the entire summer !! in a private rehab center seeking treatment for drug addiction. however, her family could not afford anymore scandals. so they quickly buried any stories about their youngest child’s overdose & told the media that she was traveling the world with friends this summer. sloane’s scandal is something that they are without a doubt ashamed of despite how many times her father has insisted the opposite. they are willing to do anything to bury this secret, no matter the cost.

now, she’s twenty years old & living in new york. following her discharge from rehab, she wanted to move as far away from chicago as she could. she knows she can’t enroll in college anytime soon given her family’s involvement in the college admissions scandal, but she is wiling to do just about anything to avoid moving back home.

nowadays, you can find sloane vlogging !! she has a v successful youtube channel that is similar to matt king’s ( if ya’ll know who that is ily ). but all you need to know is that she is a daily vlogger with an artsy style & she definitely does q & a videos & all that fun stuff. she is still very dependent on her father’s money but she is making a lot of money off youtube.

personality & misc ;;

personality wise, i’d say she’s pretty easy going. her taste isn’t the usual which i’ll probs go into a little bit, but that doesn’t mean she’s not approachable unlike vi.

truth be told, she’s all over the place & has a lot of depth. she has the ability to light up any room she walks into but that doesn’t mean she lets people walk all over her. after dealing with darcy sinclair for eighteen years, sloane knows when to fight back & channel her rich bitch side.

she’s also really fucking smart despite her fuck ups & she would know her true potential if she just stopped getting fucked up all the time. even though she went to rehab, she isn’t clean but that doesn’t stop her from telling her dad she is.

has never had a serious relationship tbh

instead, she’s had flings that are like relationships without the title.

she may act like an independent bitch but she is also a 100% a daddy’s girl & calls him up for money every other week

very artistic

aside from photography, she is great at painting & drawing & you can find dozens of sketches lying on the floor of her room ( you can also find baggies on her desk tbh )

extremely possessive of her family despite her relationship with her mom. she won’t let anyone else insult her other than her.

hella impulsive

speaks fluent french

also has an apartment in paris that she visits all of the time

tbh, she’s just in love with art. you will always find her at a museum just gazing at art for hours

she’s also constantly leaving the country for vlog material

doesn’t want to think that she has an accent but low key does

even though she’s a huge perfectionist, her room is literally always a mess but she doesn’t let just anyone see that

overall, she is a perfectionist art h*e tbh

if you made it this far ily. here’s her pinterest board if you want to take a look !! it’s v late for me rn & i have to get up early tomorrow so i don’t have any wc listed out but i promise i will bombard you all with plot ideas okay ily

#wealthyhq:intro #hi #love me plz #drug addiction tw #drugs tw #uh idk what else #emotional abuse tw

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uozlulu · 5 years ago

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Going to stick these here for now in case I lose the file or need it to be easier to search or something.

Notes on the ES21 soulmate mark AU fic I was rambling about in this post. Just kind of organizing things so when it comes time to write it I can hopefully write it quickly.

Some characters might not show up, others might get added to the list. Those missing so far are characters I either felt like I didn’t have confidence in writing or didn’t really remember since it’s been over 10 years since I finished the manga. Also trying to keep the cast of active characters on the small side even though a lot of characters will be there if only in general. All flashbacks/scenes/etc...will need proper fleshing out and so forth of course. These are all just my initial ideas, which are highly likely to evolve as I go as all my fics tend to do.

Probably going to wait until I finish watching the anime before writing it. Kind of tried to be canon compliant but also didn’t want to spend oodles of time tracking down details, so just kind of setting the goal as having fun with the AU and letting it do what it wants to do

Headcanons:

The World Bowl VI was Sunday, August 2, 2020. (It’s where the top football teams from around the world kick off the football season with a three week tournament started in 2015). The rehearsal is Friday, August 7, 2020. The wedding is Saturday August 8, 2020. Everyone goes home sometime Sunday, August 9, 2020. They have the ranch from Tuesday, August 4, 2020 – Monday, August 10, 2020.

High school football players form Japan, pro players from around the world, friends from school, friends from college are all invited along with their spouses, partners, significant others, and kids. Family members include Tetsuma’s mom who looks like him and their Seibu high school coach.

Sena –34 in December, played for Enma University from 2005 – 2009, been with the Seattle Superstars since 2009. Starting to contemplate retiring. The Seattle recruiter saw Sena’s tryout back in high school and tracked him down to beg him to sign with Seattle when Sena finally cashed in his NFL draft invitation from the Youth World Cup. Officially been in a long-distance relationship with Panther since 2010, but really they’ve kind of been a thing for longer than that.

Hiruma – 34 since February, plays for the San-Antonio Armadillos since 2006, likes to say he won’t retire until his age is his jersey number (55). Has been living with Mamori since 2006. They’re not married, but their daughter was born in 2017.

Kurita – 35 since July, played with the Tokyo Stallions, played from 2008 – 2016, works at the temple now.

Monta –34 on August 31, played for the San Antonio Armadillos from 2008 – 2013, having to retire after a career-ending injury at the start of the 2012 – 2013 season. Married Suzuna in 2008. They have a daughter born in 2010 and a son born in 2012. After retirement, he returned to Japan and he’s been coaching and teaching at Deimon ever since.

Juumonji –34 in October, Kuroki 34 on September 1, Togano 34 in October – all went on to have fairly normal jobs (banker, office worker, advertising). Kuroki is married with a kid or two, Juumonji is gay and has a partner who works the same bank and is his “roommate,” Togano is still single.

Yukimitsu – 34 since February, never played football again after high school, became a veterinarian.

Komusubi – 33 since January – never played football again after high school, became a personal trainer.

Ishimaru – 35 in October, never played football again after high school, went on to run in the Hakone Eikoden in university, has a normal job

Taki – 35 since April, played with the Orlando Divers 2004 – 2008 and then was traded to the Nashville Fighters where he’s been since 2008. Never married. Does he date anyone? Who knows. “My brother,” “my niece,” “my nephew.”

Musashi – 35 since Apirl, been playing the the Takekura Construction Babels since 2004, still working construction, personal life is pretty private, but does have a son who plays elementary school soccer.

Mamori 35 in November, ENL teacher to small children, still helps strategize football, been living with Hiruma since 2006 and had a daughter in 2017, living her best life

Suzuna 33 since March, married to Monta since 2008 with two kids, first of the group to get married, part-time matchmaker, has a decent success rate. Hiruma = You-nii, Juumonji = Monjii, Kuroki = Kurokki, Togano = Toga, Komusubi = Kamusubicchi, Yukimitsu = Yukki, Ishimaru = Tet-chan, Musashi = Musha-syan, Mamori = Mamo-nee, Kid = Kiddon,” Cereberus = Ceru, Sena has no nickname

Kid (Mushanokoji Shien) – 35 in November, comes from a noble line, at odds with parents over lifestyle choices and is now estranged, played with the Takekura Construction Babels from 2004 – 2005, played with the Tokyo Stallions from 2005 – 2010, played with the Houston Fishermen from 2010 – 2020. Started Sports Club with Tetsuma in 2012, which is a revitalization of the Boys and Girls Club concept. Hopes to keep working and growing the club in retirement. Been with Tetsuma since 2006. Wanted to enjoy being married so that’s why they waited until they were retired from pro ball.

Tetsuma – 35 since May, his mom looks just like him, played for the Tokyo Stallions from 2004 – 2008, played for the Dallas Titans from 2008 – 2020. Helps Kid run Sports Club, very good at organizing and budgeting.

Riku – turned 34 in April, played with Enma Fires from 2005 – 2009, played with the Yokohama Belugas from 2009 – 2015, still wears the team’s squid hat merch when it’s cold outside. Retired after a horrific injury which he still uses a cane for. Runs a pet bird store. Dated lots of people, still hasn’t settled for anyone.

Buffalo – 36 in October, got rid of the dreads soon after graduation in a bid to try and fit into Japanese society, now his hair is just long. Moved to the US in 2005 and ended up doing stuff like MMA, Ninja Warrior, and UFC. Has an American wife and three daughters (ages 12, 9, and 7).

Horide – no canon age, so let’s assume he’s roughly like late 50’s – early 60’s by 2020, still coaching football, but considering retirement, proud of all the kids who have ever been on his team. He’s pretty much in a parental position in the audience seating, and treated as one might treat a dad during such an event

Saba –mid-30’s, no real wiki info, became an office worker, has one child, didn’t play football after high school.

Aiuchi Hina – mid 30’s, not much wiki info, head cheerleader, Miss Seibu, probably married to an unnamed former teammate, and probably has at least one kid

Shin – 35 since July, played for Ojou Silver Knights 2004 – 2009, played for the New England Musketeers since 2009, has many Super Bowl wins, a true legend in both the US and Japan. Ignores tabloid rumors about him dating models and singers so he can enjoy some privacy with his partner, an indie rocker who preformed the half time show in 2013. They’ve been living together out in the middle of nowhere upstate New York since 2016 in a modest house that no one really would think celebrities owned. Has a condo near the Musketeers’ training facilities.

Sakuraba – 34 since March, played for the Ojou Silver Knights 2004 – 2009, played for the Seattle Superstars from 2009 – 2018, retired because he wanted to do something else with his life. Has gone on to play in a local band that’s had moderate success around the Pacific Northwest touring clubs, lounges, and bars. Keeps his private life very private.

Panther – probably 34 (no birthday given), likely graduated high school in 2005 like Sena, so probably met Sena the summer before sophomore year at high school, maybe has a summer birthday and was already 16 when they met. Nasa Aliens/Shuttles was a travel team he was in from 2001 – 2005, also played high school football with his local high school from 2001 – 2005, played with the San Antonio Armadillos since 2005, took business courses online and has a degree since he thought that might help him keep from falling into pitfalls other pro-athletes fall into with money and retirement. Didn’t have a cellphone when he met Sena, but they exchanged e-mail addresses. When Sena went to Notre Dame High School, they exchanged AIM handles and got to talk to each other more often since they were on the same time zone. Eventually exchanged numbers once Panther got a cellphone after graduating high school. Kind of were rocking the long distance relationship chic before it was an official relationship.

Jeremy – probably 34 or 35, the kid with the glasses, still close friends with Panther. Played at Stanford from 2004/2005 – 2006/2007, knows multiple languages for fun so he’s still not the best translator. Continued his degree while playing professionally because he promised. Played with the New England Musketeers since 2006/2007 and retired earlier in 2020. Has a son and daughter (ages 6 and 9). His wife is a teacher.

Homer – probably 34 or 35, the kid with the long hair, also still close friends with Panther and Jeremy, chose to go into the NFL draft upon graduating high school. Played for the Nashville Fighters from 2004/2005 – 2010/2011, and then got transferred to the Chicago Gangsters in 2010/2011 and retired in 2018 back to Houston where he helps run a charity that picks up the slack across Texas after disasters when FEMA can’t get its act together to help people. He’s currently trying to build the charity up so it can function in multiple states.

Big Brother Gonzales – probably 36 maybe about to turn 37, biggest guy from the travel team and probably the oldest member. Played with the University of Kentucky from 2002/2003 – 2006/2007, played for the Denver Pumas from 2006/2007 – 2010/2011 when he had a career ending injury. Had his kanji tattoo covered up and started collecting more tattoos. Has also gotten the correct kanji tattooed on him at some point.

Little Brother Gonzales – probably 32, never really got as big as his brother so he never played football after high school. Had a few tattoos including the dumb one from high school.

Vague Summary:

Sena/Panther soulmate fic in which Kid and Tetsuma’s wedding brings most the gang and more together. Kind of a choose to stick together thing? Idek. See where it goes. Think of it like a romcom movie maybe?

Soulmate Concept:

In this world, soulmates are considered near-extinct but they really aren’t. Lots of people have a wide variety of soulmates, it’s just that their soulmarks aren’t very obvious. For example, Mamori and Hiruma both have a splattering of freckles on their hands that are actually a continuation of each other’s pattern, but it’s too subtle and freckley to really realize what it truly means. Other people might have birthmarks that fit together or have moles placed in the exact same places or mirrored places, etc…However, there’s a subclass of soulmate marks for those who have a truly deep bond. Those marks have a more distinct look to them. Sena has what looks like roses cascading down his Soulmate marks tend to start developing upon meeting your soulmate and evolve as your relationship deepen, so Mamori and Hiruma upon meeting in first-year were probably like huh freckles, and by second year it’s like lots of freckles but who cares it’s just mysterious high school freckles.

Flashbacks:

Panther and Sena:

2002 – Hanging out by the river bank after practice before Panther has to regroup with the others where they’re staying. Sena’s soulmate mark is on his right leg and looks like cascading roses except more impressionist since the mark is still forming. Panther’s looks like chrysanthemums following a similar pattern on his right leg. At the time they think it’s kind of weird, but don’t over think it. Sena’s dad told him that most people develop one in high school and he has something like he and his best friend have stuff like that on their arms.

2002 – Sena asks Panther for his number after the cat incident, but Panther doesn’t have a cellphone yet. He does have e-mail and AIM, so they exchange e-mails because Sena doesn’t have AIM. By this point, their soulmate marks seem more like flowers than birthmarks, but they’re still underdeveloped.

2009/2010 – Panther and Sena meet up to celebrate New Years and Sena’s belated birthday since they’re finally both living in the states now (even if it’s an almost four hour plane ride apart), end up deciding that they’re dating. They have a good idea what they’re getting in though because they’ve been long distance friends with a fourteen hour time zone difference so at least now they can more feasibly see each other when they don’t have football commitments

Kid and Tetsuma

2006 – Kid, being the only son of a noble family was going through arranged marriage hell. Texted Tetsuma, “Save me,” both kind of half jokingly, half for serious. So Tetsuma shows up in nice clothing (because Kid’s always talking about how people get overly dressed up to come over to their estate) and kind of just showed up during a marriage prospect meeting, held Kid’s gaze a long moment, bowed on his knees to Kid’s parents like a good wedding prospect, and then promptly slung Kid over his shoulder, and rescued him. They’ve been together ever since. Honestly probably would have dated in high school but social pressure got in the way.

Venue:

It’s a large, sprawling ranch/inn in Wyoming. It’s large enough to accommodate everyone. There are horses to ride, a functioning farm, and a view of mountains in the distance. Everyone chipped in money to secure it not only because it was in a location the press wouldn’t bother all of them, but also because it sounded like a fun time no one could pass up. Kid and Tetsuma helped organize the whole thing so nobody would be priced out of coming especially if they had to fly from Japan or elsewhere to come.

Wedding:

The wedding is set up outdoors with everyone gathered around the altar so it’s les syour side and my side and more umbrella shaped. Kid and Tetsuma enter together, Tetsuma breaks off at a full run and Kid quick draws the bouquet, shoot it towards Tetsuma, who catches it and holds it through the whole ceremony. The ceremony is kind of a mix of typical American wedding stuff said by the ordained and then the vows are Shinto, though there is no sake. Kind of a mix of Kid and Tetsuma’s love of the wild west and their commitment to each other which follows more of a love, respect, console, help, and protect than a love, honor, cherish, and obey.

Reception:

It’s in the great hall of the ranch/inn. Lots of wild west/ranch/cowboy chic happening. Variety of food, mix of American and Japanese traditions. Kid tells the flashback about Tetsuma rescuing him from an arranged marriage. Reception ends at sunset and they ride off into the sunset together, heading to a nearby campsite to kick off whatever their honeymoon will be.

#adventures in fic writing

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minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong · 6 years ago

Text

Ephemera Chapter Fifteen

Ephemera: In art, transitory written and printed matter (receipts, notes, tickets, clippings, etc.) not originally intended to be kept or preserved.

Alternatively, things that exist or are used for only a short time.

Description: Nobody knows who Vante really is. Everything about the popular artist is shrouded in secrecy: from his face to his name to everything in between. After years of working for his art gallery, Y/N feels she may just be the closest thing he has to a friend. Between her success at work and her relationship with campus hot-shot Jeon Jungkook, Y/N’s life has never been better. But is Jungkook truly who he says he is? And who will Y/N protect now that she knows Vante’s livelihood may be on the line?

Genre: Romance, Drama, Fluff, Angst

Pairing: Jungkook x (f) Reader x Taehyung

Word Count: 6.8k

Tags: Non-Idol!Au, Gang!Au, Art History Student!Reader, Film Student!Jungkook, Art Student!Taehyung

Warnings: Swearing and mentions of alcohol, although infrequently

A/N: Hiya! Here’s the next installment. I’ve finally added links to all my previous chapters for easier access, so if you missed any chapters please do check my masterlist! Also, next week my chapter might be a bit early as I’ll be on the road driving so I’ll have to post while I still have wifi. Anyway, please don’t be shy and send feedback, critique, questions, theories, and comments my way. I’ll be sure to respond to all asks I receive within a day of receiving them! Links will be added later, so for now check my masterlist to find previous chapters!

And again, if you want to follow my Twitter, my username is @/plzpunchmebts. I’m super active over there and hopefully in the future I’ll do some livestreams/chats with you all! And concert videos!!

- Mercury

Previous Chapter – Next Chapter

Masterlist

Weekly updates: Sunday, 1PM (PST)

I sat at a lavish table surrounded by food. Like the day before, Hayoon and Jaesun had ordered lots of dishes, perhaps sampling each, and the three of us were now settled before a banquet. Filet mignon, grilled salmon, crab cakes, lobster mac and cheese, German potatoes, and a whole bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon to split between us. I stared slack-jawed at the vast array of food and drink, and the couple — now sharply dressed as they’d been at the charity event — watched my awe with knowing smiles.

We’d met at Nunchi an hour before and walked together into a pristine black car, ushered in by a driver. The drive to Gangnam had been relatively quiet, perhaps due to my own reservations about these people. Although they were Taehyung’s parents, I found it hard to be completely at ease around them when their wealth was so obviously vast.

“Dig in, dear,” said Hayoon, brushing a stray hair back into the perfect bun at the nape of her neck.

Jaesun smiled and piled some mac and cheese onto his plate. I stiffened and looked around the airy, bright restaurant. Surely, this would look odd. This wasn’t the sort of place to share food. But the staff either didn’t mind or were conditioned not to ask too many questions, because they continued bustling across the floor like ghosts, heads down, backs straight.

I cleared my throat and nodded, slicing off a piece of steak and placing it atop my plate. “Um…,” I began, guiding my knife down. “Pardon me, but…why exactly have you been seeking me out?” I asked, meeting Hayoon’s eyes.

She raised her brows before settling into an easy smile. “Ah, well,” she began, waving a fork-wielding hand. “Our son, Taehyung, talks about you quite frequently. For a while now, Jaesun and I were very curious about what sort of person you were.”

I swallowed hard and blinked up at her, at her weathered but lovely face. “Ah,” I said with a stiff nod. “I apologize if I don’t live up to your expectations.”

She laughed and shook her head, chomping down on some salmon. “Not at all, sweetheart,” she said, then sighed. “When we let him move, he was so plucky about things. We set him up in his apartment, but that was the extent of the help he’d accept. Working all over the place. I guess we worried for him more than we said.”

I hummed and nodded. “He would’ve probably scolded you if you’d worried too much,” I said with a fond smile.

She laughed. “I agree.”

“We told him to call us if he ever needed help,” said Jaesun with a full-mouthed nod. “But the kid’s so damn stubborn. He never tells anyone when he’s struggling. At any rate, when he opened his gallery he finally started telling us more about his everyday life.”

“Maybe because he felt like he’d finally succeeded,” I offered with a nod, plopping a serving of potatoes onto my plate. These two seemed unfazed by the way they were perceived, so I tried quickly to follow suit.

Jaesun nodded, waving his steak knife at me. “Exactly!” he said, then laughed. “Anyway, when he started updating us, it was mostly about the gallery and the name that kept coming up was yours.”

“We were very curious,” said Hayoon. “He was really troubled about you for a while, but it seems like he worries a little less these days.”

I hummed. Was it that he worried less or that he spoke about his worries less? Taking a sip of wine, I nodded my head. “He’s been pushing me for a long time to start standing up for myself. I guess lately I’ve been doing that.”

Hayoon smiled and it really touched her eyes. “That’s good, dear,” she said with a nod. “Can’t get anywhere in life if you don’t advocate for yourself.”

“Are you the ones who taught Taehyung that?” I asked, swirling my wine around and watching the feet as they trailed down the side of the glass.

“Learned it from me, probably,” said Jaesun with a gruff laugh. “Kid’s more serious than he looks because I put a lot of responsibility on him growing up.”

I raised my brows. “What sort of responsibility?”

“Well, back in Daegu we run a pretty successful law firm and Tae helped out around the office when he was younger. I thought the kid would be my successor, but, you know, the art and all that…,” said Jaesun with a hearty laugh. “Anyway, I started the firm when Taehyung was a kid and he watched me dig it up from the ground. It’s not easy starting your own firm, I’ll tell you that. But once we got rolling, we kept rolling.”

“What kind of law do you practice?” I asked, watching the usually boisterous man become stoic and sober with every passing word.

He hummed, sipping his wine and smiled. “Bankruptcy and employment law mostly, but we dabble in family law. We try to help people get out of difficult situations.”

I nodded. It made sense now why Taehyung was such a busybody, trying to give assistance even when he wasn’t asked. I felt a small pang of guilt over keeping secrets from a person like that, but then I remembered what he’d said the last time we spoke.

You definitely shouldn’t be involved in this stuff anymore.

Just like his father, swooping in and trying to take responsibility for someone else’s hardships and mistakes. When a person’s out of options, out of capital, filing for bankruptcy is the only option. But the problem with bankruptcy is that it wreaks havoc on your credit score for years after. Just how damaging would it be for me to just…leave this to him? When I can still do something about it myself? When I wasn’t yet out of options?

I heard a cell phone vibrate and Hayoon jumped. She grabbed the phone from her leather bag and her features lit up as she read the name. “It’s Hwayoung,” she said with a grin toward her husband. She turned to me and chuckled. “Our daughter.” Daughter…

Jaesun’s thick, graying brows raised and he returned the smile. “Answer it!”

She turned to me, almost pleading, and I nodded once, waving my hands. She pressed the phone to her ear. “Hey sweetie!” her motherly tone, the way she cupped her hand over the bottom of her phone, cradling it against her cheek, her gentle smile, barely-there dimples: something about it made my heart clench.

I rubbed my hands together before lacing them atop my lap, watching my black dress stretch over my thighs. This moment felt intimate in a way I couldn’t intrude upon, a way that felt like trespassing to observe. I tried to tune out their joyful conversation out of respect — or perhaps self preservation — and did my best not to look melancholy, keeping my smile pasted on my lips without a single budge.

I waited for Taehyung to buzz me up the elevator a few hours later. It had been a while since the two of us had spoken, and I wasn’t so sure how much to tell him. Surely, telling him about Namjoon wasn’t the best idea. But wouldn’t it be better for him to know now rather than find out later?

After a quiet elevator ride, I emerged in the hallway and found my way to his door, knocking twice. “Hey,” I said as he emerged on the other side, smiling.

He hadn’t shaved in a few days if the darker patch of skin above his lip was anything to go by. His hair was a disaster and he was draped in a massive sweatshirt and pants that were too short to cover his ankles. The glasses he usually wore perfectly were sliding down the bridge of his nose and he had circles beneath his eyes. He looked down at me with unbridled happiness and it took me several moments to overcome the shock at seeing the state of him to slide inside his apartment.

Cleaner than before, the place didn’t look as rough as Taehyung did. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have said his condition was improving if the state of his apartment was anything to go by. I figured he had a maid or something, because the incongruity between his appearance and his apartment’s was too great. But once I turned back to look at him, I noticed him yawning, stretching his arms above his head like a cat.

And with a sigh, I resolved to keep everything to myself.

He never tells anyone when he’s struggling.

He was my friend, first and foremost, and he needed help. He needed me. One look at him was enough to tell. He was overwhelmed more than he’d ever admit. Hadn’t he been the one who’d decided to reveal his identity and throw his notions of privacy to the breeze? I glanced at him over my shoulder, watching as he rested his hands in his pockets and greeted me with a smile.

“Taehyung,” I began, eyeing him.

He hummed in response and walked closer. “Yeah?”

“How long has it been since you’ve changed clothes?” I asked, examining the wrinkles in his sweatshirt.

He paused and raised his brows. “Ah, does it smell old?” he asked, tugging on it a little with a bashful smile. “Sorry. It’s been a few days.”

I shook my head. “It’s not that,” I said, then sighed. “You’re not taking very good care of yourself, are you?”

He swallowed hard and laughed a little breathily. “Ha, well it’s not like I’m not taking care of myself, it’s just…”

I sighed and gave his upper arm a squeeze. “I’m just worried,” I said with a nod. “Your parents are too, even if they don’t say it.”

“You met my parents?”

“Haven’t you been keeping an eye on the tabloids?” I asked, cocking my head to the side.

He flushed and laughed once more, averting his gaze. “Well, I’ve been meaning to but I guess I’m in a…a little bit of a slump right now.”

Quietly, I eased down onto his couch and patted the empty space beside me. He sighed, joining me. “Wanna talk about it?” I asked, watching him in profile. His eyes were downcast, shoulders slumped just a little.

“It’s really not a big deal,” he said with a shrug.

There it was again. That diversion. I tried to put my finger on what exactly about it felt so melancholy, so dismissive. “Well if you keep everything to yourself you’re just going to be miserable alone.”

He glanced at me, eyes wide. “Hm?”

I laced my fingers on my lap and sighed. “Your parents mentioned something like that. Like you not reaching out when you need help.”

He stiffened. Had I made a mistake telling him that? He swallowed hard, Adam’s apple bobbing, and nodded. “I…I guess they worry a lot, huh?”

“They’d worry less if you told them about your problems,” I urged.

“Well…more than anything, I think I’m just kinda scared,” he said, then shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair, brows furrowed. “Not that it’s a big deal or anything. Honestly, I’m fi-,”

“Don’t say you’re fine.”

He paused, set his lips thin, and nodded. “Alright,” he said with a long exhale. “I’m spooked.”

“Because people know who you are now?” I asked.

He nodded, rubbing his jaw. “Mhm,” he said, then shook his head. “Leaving the apartment is hard. I’ve had my assistant bring me food and clean up the apartment, but other than that I haven’t really seen anyone.”

“And classes?”

He was quiet, hands clasped like he was praying. “I think I’m gonna drop out.”

I opened my mouth to scold him, but stopped short. To say something like that, to give up on something he truly loved and valued…it seemed that it was hard for him to even say it. Like he was hurting.

So instead, I only nodded and rested my hand on his back. I smoothed circles onto the planes of his shoulder blades and watched as he released a shaky exhale. “That’s a shame,” I said with a nod. “But…if that’s what you feel like you need to do, then I’ll support you.”

He eyed me, brows knit, and I caught a brief glimpse of vulnerability in his expression. “Really?” he asked.

I nodded. “If it’s what’ll make you happy.”

He sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose with two fingers, and sat upright. my hand fell to the back of the couch. “I don’t know when I became so weak.”

“It’s not weakness, Taehyung,” I said, smiling gently as I rested my hand once more atop my lap. “It’s fear. Everyone’s scared. Most people just hide it better.”

“When I was young,” he began, wringing his hands, “Kids weren’t too kind to me.”

My brows raised. “Hm? Were you bullied?” I asked.

He chuckled and shrugged. “At the time, I didn’t think of it that way. I thought being teased was just part of being a kid. My classmates didn’t like me from the start because of my parents’ money. I can understand that. But what they hated more was my drawings. I tried not to get down about it, but…it got to me. And I guess I was too ashamed to tell my family.”

I sighed. “You felt like you had to handle it on your own?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yeah. I guess it made me really scared of standing out in any way. If I can blend in, then…then nobody can really hurt me.”

Quietly, I nodded my head. A thick silence enveloped us, and for a while I didn’t know how to slice through it. So, for a few moments, we simply sat there side by side, neither one speaking as the distant, muffled sounds of the city swirled on outside the big windows.

I glanced at him, at the mile-long gaze he had, and pressed a hand to his shoulder. He jolted a little, like the touch brought him back to reality, and I smiled. “For what it’s worth,” I began, “I think those people who hurt you in the past are really regretting it now.”

He was quiet for half a beat before releasing one sharp chuckle that quickly devolved into choppy, almost desperate laughter. I joined him, mindful of the way tears pooled in the corners of his eyes. I felt that, for the tiniest of moments, I could really understand him.

I released a huff of breath and stood to my feet, patting my thighs with a smile. I extended a hand to Taehyung which he took without a moment’s hesitation. He stood upright in front of me and, quickly, I slipped my hand free. I angled myself behind him and pushed him by the shoulders toward his bathroom.

“Go take a shower and put on a fresh set of clothes,” I said, to which he only laughed. “I’ll make some food.”

He paused and turned to me, clearly ready to fight me on it, but I silenced him with the cock of one eyebrow. He shut his mouth and opted instead for a small, bashful smile and a nod.

“Sorry it’s not much,” I said with a chuckle. “I’m not the best cook.”

Taehyung shook out his wet hair, water droplets clinging to the ends, and peered over my shoulder at the pan I was managing. He’d changed into a nice shirt and joggers, his skin glowing from the shower. “I like fried rice,” he said with a chuckle before plopping down at the barstool beside the counter.

I glanced at him over my shoulder and noticed he was resting his freshly shaven chin in his hand, watching me with a fond smile. I wasn’t quite sure why, but my stomach felt a little fluttery and I turned back to the food, pushing the rice and vegetables around with the spatula.

“Can I have one of your beers?” I asked quietly, not looking back again. I could feel him staring at me.

“Mhm,” he said. I kept an eye on the pan as I wandered toward the fridge and pulled out a can. “Get one for me too, hm?”

“Sure thing,” I said, grabbing a second one and sliding it to him. I paused across the counter, the two of us locking eyes as he plunged the tab down and took an easy swig. “Your parents…,” I began, rolling the toe of my sneaker into the ground. “They’re really nice.”

He chuckled, nodding and pointing with his free hand to my untouched beer. I followed suit and cracked it open, pressing the can to my lips. “They’re good folks,” he said with a sigh, eyes going far away. He pulled his glasses off his nose and cleaned the foggy patches with the sleeve of his shirt. “They never really let me want for anything.”

“Is that why you wanted to move here and do things yourself?” I asked, resting my palms on the counter.

He hummed. “Probably, yeah,” he said with a sigh. “They were really great, but I guess…those kids kinda got to me a little. Saying I had everything handed to me.” He paused to laugh and tilted his head to the side, eyes hazy with reverie. “They had a point.”

“They were assholes,” I said.

He raised his brows and glanced at me, wide-eyed. “Hm?” he asked, then laughed. “I’m having deja vu.”

“What?”

“Last time we drank together you talked like this too,” he said, chuckling. “Out of character.”

I stiffened, flushed, and turned back to the rice. “My character is very nuanced,” I said, pouting a little as I plated the food.

“Mhm,” he said, grinning as I placed the fried rice in front of him. “Thank you for cooking.”

I shrugged and joined him on one of the barstools. “It was nothing,” I said with a shrug, digging in. The two of us ate in comfortable silence for a few moments before a thought struck me. “Hey, I never knew you had a sister.”

He laughed, sipping his beer, and peered at me out the corner of his eye. “She’s a curse. I didn’t wanna risk cursing you too.”

I shoved his arm and furrowed my brow. “Don’t say that.”

With a smile, he shrugged and took another bite of food. “She’s actually really great, Hwayoung. I think I spent most of my childhood in awe of her.”

“What do you mean?”

He laughed lightly. “She’s like…a force of nature. Super strong,” he swirled his beer around in the can and hummed. “Actually, while I was being bullied she was usually the one to come to the rescue.”

“Really?” I asked. I wanted to meet the kind of person who could stand up to a group of bullies for her younger brother…

“Mhm.” He sighed. “She’s really outspoken and opinionated, and when it comes to injustice she doesn’t tolerate it. That’s probably why she naturally found her way to law.”

“She’s a lawyer?” I asked, smiling. “Like your dad.”

He scoffed. “My dad wishes he could take credit for it,” he said with a laugh. “But, no. Hwayoung isn’t a lawyer just yet. She’s studying in the US.”

“So far!” I said with a sigh. “Man, she sounds cool.”

“Don’t let all that fool you,” said Taehyung with a laugh. “She drives me crazy.”

“Well now she really sounds cool.”

He rolled his eyes, but nonetheless he was smiling. My heart settled a little. “I guess she is pretty cool,” he said, then took a sip of beer. “I wanted to live like her. Independent. Self-sustaining. The kind of person who sees injustice and fixes it.”

With a smile I took a swig. “I think you’re already that sort of person.”

“No,” he said with a sigh. “I’m still too weak. Too scared. Hwayoung was always really brave.”

“Hm,” I responded, chewing on a piece of carrot.

“Kinda reminds me of you sometimes.”

I stiffened. “Your parents said something similar at the gala,” I said.

He smiled. “I noticed it for the first time when we followed Jungkook to that club,” he said as he chewed on his rice, nodding. “You were really quick. Thought on your feet. And you were determined too. Very bold.”

“Funny…,” I remarked, thinking back with a laugh. “Seems the only time I can be bold is when I’m drunk.”

He shook his head, smiling gently at me. “No,” he said. “Lately at work I’ve seen it too.” He paused, like a thought had suddenly struck him, and he hummed a little. “I wonder if the reason I started looking after you is because I could see just a tiny bit of her in you.”

I stiffened. “What do you mean?”

He glanced at me and smiled, eyes shutting as he rested his cheek in his hand. “I mean…when you’re working you’re so capable. I think I saw that and saw how easily you were…tamed I guess. How easily you could go from this cool, confident person to someone docile and obedient. Made me worry about you.”

My cheeks felt hot to the touch and I pressed the half-empty beer can against my burning skin in the hopes of cooling it down. “I see.”

“Not that I was, like, watching you super intently! Just, you know…keeping an eye on you,” he said, then sighed and waved his hand. “Forget it.”

I was happy to. Carefully, I took a peek at his plate and noticed he was finished. I gobbled up the rest of my rice and gathered our utensils. “I’ll get going once I’m done cleaning.”

“Ah…,” said Taehyung in an exhale, and I discerned a measure of disappointment in his voice.

At the sink, I turned over my shoulder and eyed him. He watched the countertop where his hands were splayed palms-down, a sad smile on his face. Guilt traced through me. Over his shoulder, the sky was beginning to sprinkle autumn rain onto the busy streets of Seoul, navy-blue night sky extending in every direction punctured only by the city skyline.

I sighed, holding a plate and sponge in my hands, and pursed my lips. “Well…maybe I should stay a little longer. Wait out the rain,” I said with a nod, continuing to scrub. “Gotta walk to the station anyway.”

He visibly straightened up and, like some sort of kept animal, showed me his eager face. “Yeah! No, that’s a great idea.”

I smiled and nodded. “Alright then. Let’s watch a movie or something.”

I wasn’t so sure when I’d fallen asleep, but when I woke up the only light came from the moon hanging low outside the windows and the only sound was rhythmic breathing coming from somewhere beside me. As my senses returned, I glanced around the moon-drenched living room and stretched my arms above my head. I’d awoken on my side, leaning heavily on the arm of Taehyung’s large couch. It seemed Taehyung had turned off the television as the room was dark. Beside me on the couch, leaning on the opposite sofa arm, was Taehyung, glasses clinging just barely to the tip of his nose as gravity urged them downward. He looked serene, a shaft of silver light catching in his hair, and gently I scooted closer to get a good look at him.

“Stupid,” I said, sighing as he wiggled slightly in his sleep. “If you’d just rely on people more, you’d be happier.” I stood upright and padded to the hallway, searching the cabinets for a few spare blankets.

Once I found them, I returned to the living room and found Taehyung’s glasses on the floor and his mouth hanging open. Chuckling, I draped the blanket over his shoulders and involuntarily he snuggled into it. I followed suit quickly, plopping onto the couch and resting properly this time, leaning my head against one of his plush pillows.

“Y/N?”

I groaned and swatted my hand at the voice dragging me from my dreams.

“You gotta get up and check your phone.”

“Mm,” I mumbled, flailing my hand once more. But by then, I’d been awoken. Grumpy, I pried my eyes open and saw the living room bathed in morning light and Taehyung standing above me with a smile and a piece of toast in his hand.

“You awake now?”

I nodded, rubbing my eyes, and pushed myself to my feet. “Yeah,” I said, grabbing the toast he offered me and popping it in my mouth. “Why’d you wake me up?”

He chuckled and pointed to my cell phone, which he’d politely plugged in to his own wall charger. “It’s been going off for, like, an hour.”

I sniffled and nodded. “Alright,” I said, crouching beside the outlet. Taehyung laughed lightly before turning on his heel and rifling through the fridge. He pulled out a few apples. “Hey, do you have oatmeal?”

“Oatmeal?” he asked with a scoff. “What, are you eighty?”

I rolled my eyes, unlocking my phone. “Oatmeal is an excellent source of fiber and in the colder months it helps…,” I began, but my sentence trailed into silence as I registered what was on my phone.

Six missed calls from Jungkook.

Ten texts.

Heart racing, I rushed to my messages and opened the app. Could there be an emergency? Had something happened at the HQ? Was my cover blown before I could even do any digging?

Coconut: hey, u got plans today?

Coconut: should probably get a jump on ur…’investigation’ ;)

Coconut: shit, probably shouldn’t say stuff like that when Jin could check my phone…

Coconut: just kidding. hehe.

Coconut: are you not awake yet? it’s almost eleven…

Coconut: Y/N…are you at Taehyung’s house? I just saw an article.

Coconut: If you’re seeing him, then just be honest with me. I don’t want to be strung along…

Coconut: Although you have every right to punish me after what I did to you…

Coconut: Fuck.

Coconut: Please respond…

I chewed on my lip and drafted a response, but Taehyung was quick to come back and check on me once he sensed the shift in my mood. “Hey, you okay?” he asked, crouching beside me and wrapping a warm arm around my shoulders.

I stiffened and pressed the phone to my chest. If I told him everything now, he’d only scold me and demand I stop. His eyes went round and he scanned me, surprised. “Yeah! It was my dad,” I said, shaking my head. “Ah, anyway, oatmeal?”

His expression softened and he laughed, ruffling my hair. “Don’t have it,” he said, standing to his feet and wandering back to the kitchen. “I’m not a grandpa.”

I glanced back down at my phone and typed as quickly as I could.

Y/N: HQ in an hour. Will explain then.

I rushed up to the building, still wearing the leisure clothes I’d worn to Taehyung’s house, heart racing. Why did I run when Jungkook called? Was I truly going to fall for this idiot all over again? As I approached the metal front doors, I glanced around and paused for a moment, staring at its massive brick facade. While I was here, I might as well case the joint since I didn’t have the chance last time. If I could find a way into that basement, perhaps I could find documents that implicated Seokjin. Of course, it would be difficult. I didn’t expect finding evidence to be simple.

But as I wandered down the alleyway in search of any alternate way in, I really didn’t expect things to be quite so hard. There was nothing on the left side of the building or around the back. No stairs leading down to the basement, no window to crawl into and sneak around. I’d have to find another way in, or perhaps find another means of gathering intel. I sighed as I rounded the corner, snuggled between two stout buildings, to the alleyway on the right side of the warehouse. But as my feet collided with the cracked concrete, I paused a moment and lingered behind a rusting dumpster, a voice carrying loudly through the narrow passage right to me.

“No…”

Someone was on the phone. I pressed my hands against the cool metal and pressed myself close, eager to hear more. Peering cautiously around the side of the dumpster, I saw a figure at the mouth of the alleyway, arms crossed, pacing back and forth. On the shorter side with a slim build, the figure’s body language screamed frustration. As they turned around, I quickly hid once more, clinging to the lip of the dumpster

“I’m not going to entertain this conversation any longer,” said the voice, terse.

And in an instant I recognized who was speaking. I inched up on my toes to check once more, just to be absolutely certain, and saw that indeed my hypothesis was correct. Min Yoongi stood just couple yards away from me, eyes on his sneakers, wandering in imperfect circles around the front of the skinny alleyway.

I stiffened and fell back down behind the dumpster, clinging to shadow. Who was he on the phone with? And why did he sound so irritated? I’d never heard him speak so stiffly before, but I’d also never heard him sound so firm.

If I was on the other end of that call, I’d be scared as hell.

He sighed. “Listen, you tell the CEO that if he wants to talk to me he can do it himself, got it?” he said, but even though it was framed as a question, I knew it was an order.

I swallowed hard and tried to still my pounding heart with a pat to my chest. What sort of business did a CEO have with a criminal hacker? The information was intriguing and tantalizing, and something in me told me to listen very, very closely to what he said next. I wished I’d had the wherewithal to grab my phone from my purse before rounding the corner so I could record it.

Huh. Well, that wasn’t such a bad idea to gather evidence on Seokjin, was it?

“Just because we’re working together doesn’t mean we have a relationship now,” said Yoongi with a scoff. “Tell your boss not to get ahead of himself.”

What a commanding presence. I felt myself grow smaller with each passing word, crouching down lower and lower.

“I’m hanging up,” said Yoongi with a sigh, but instead of walking out of the alleyway, he lingered, not moving a single foot. Was he perhaps bluffing? Seeing how far he could push this person on the other line? “Well, that’s not much of a bargain to me. What do I gain?” He was quiet for a moment before laughing, a sharp, dangerous, sarcastic sound. “Are you kidding me? I make more in three months than I would in a year with your company.”

Was Yoongi being recruited? I furrowed my brow and tried to listen closer.

“Whatever. I’ve got my own business to take care of,” he began, then chuckled. “And remember to tell him what I said, alright?” There was a cocky edge to his voice, but also a small measure of appeal. Like he really wanted this boss to know what he said.

I sighed, rubbing my chilly hands together and preparing to leave as the conversation seemed to have ended. I wiped my palms on my pants and stood upright, still concealed by the dumpster.

But as I turned to leave, I heard Yoongi say one final thing and the words stung my ears like a cold blast of autumn wind.

“And if you have business with me in the future, go through Bangtan, Younghoon.”

I clamped a hand over my mouth to stifle my gasp and felt my eyes go wide as I crouched once more behind the dumpster. I shook my head and listened as Yoongi chuckled, fabric scuffed against itself, and footsteps sounded, growing more and more distant.

Younghoon…

That guy from Sanyo Industries…

Dazed, I entered the warehouse. Sitting at the same table Yoongi had dragged in front of me while I was kidnapped, Jimin sat playing cards with Hoseok. All around, sketchy characters milled about, mostly men, giving me eyes that I knew were up to no good. Feeling uncomfortable, I pulled out a chair beside Jimin and sat down quickly.

He jumped a little at my sudden entrance, but quickly broke into an ear-splitting smile. “Hey!” he exclaimed, pointing at me.

Hoseok wore a matching grin. “Whoa, you’re really back, huh?” he asked, chuckling. “You a glutton for suffering or what?”

I smiled a little, the shock of what I’d heard slowly fleeing my system, and adjusted Jimin’s dark bucket hat just slightly. “You two are the only good people here, I swear,” I mumbled as I fussed with his hat.

Jimin giggled and swatted my hands away. “Don’t baby me!” he said, lifting his head to scowl at me. “I’m a grown man.”

“And we’re not the only good ones,” added Hoseok as he touched his face-down pile of cards with the tip of his finger. “Jungkook’s here too.”

I sighed, resting my chin in my hand, and eyed their game. Hoseok seemed to have more cards than Jimin, and neither of them were reviewing their hands. “What’re you playing?” I asked.

“War,” said Jimin with a smirk. “Wanna moderate?”

I smiled. “I’ve only played once when I was in middle school,” I said with a shake of my head. “I’ll watch for a while though.”

Jimin shrugged and the two of them locked eyes. “One,” he began, grabbing the first card on his deck, “two,” he continued, neither breaking eye contact, “three!”

On three the two both threw down their cards. Jimin’s card: six of spades. Hoseok’s: ace of hearts. Hoseok laughed and collected both cards, placing them on the bottom of his pile, and laughed as Jimin gaped at him.

“Didn’t you just have another ace?!” he shouted, pointing at Hoseok with an accusing pointer finger.

“I’m just lucky,” said Hoseok with a smug grin.

Jimin scoffed. “You rigged it!”

“How do you rig war?”

“I dunno! But you did!”

I laughed as the two descended into bickering. Before I could settle into my seat, I felt something tall looming over me from behind, blocking out sunlight, and turned quickly to see Jungkook staring down at me with a pout on his lips and his arms crossed.

He said I had every right to punish him, and yet still reacted this way to being ignored for a few hours?

It would’ve been cute if we were actually dating…

“Hey,” I said with a soft smile.

He cocked a brow, disbelieving, and worked his jaw in circles. “Hey…that’s it?”

I chuckled. “Yep.”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I know you’re still mad about everything, but-,”

My eyes went wide. He was about to say too much. If anyone here knew we were getting closer, they’d get suspicious and I wouldn’t be able to use him as a resource any longer. I stood upright and placed my hands on his shoulders, wheeling him around to the back of the warehouse, behind the partition where nobody went.

“Sorry guys! I’ll watch more next time!” I called over my shoulder at the boys with a wave.

Jimin returned it, albeit somewhat hesitantly, and Hoseok simply laughed.

Soon, Jungkook and I were alone, back in that cramped back space where I’d spent an evening tied up. I glanced at the patch of brick that I’d leaned against and scowled, remembering the strike that Seokjin had blown. Somehow, the blow to my pride was more painful. Served me right for expecting anybody not to be horrible.

I glanced up at Jungkook and found him staring right into my eyes, not once wavering. “I have an update,” I said, mindful to keep my voice near a whisper.

Jungkook’s expression didn’t change. “Mm,” was all he said.

I cleared my throat. “I can’t get into the basement alone to snoop around, so maybe I can get a recording instead.”

“Is that all our relationship is to you? A way to get revenge?” he asked, voice too loud.

I stiffened and placed my hand against his lips. I felt his hot skin beneath my fingertips and shook my head. “Don’t say that stuff so loud.”

He shook my hand off and furrowed his brow. “Look, I know I said I’d let you do what you want, but I’m starting to feel like a pawn here.”

I smirked. “Not a good feeling, huh?” I asked.

His brows raised and he opened his mouth to protest, but could only manage a sigh. Some of his anger left on his breath and he lifted his head with a softer expression. He pushed his hair from his forehead and averted his eyes.

“You’re right,” he said, then set his lips thin. “Sorry for getting out of line.”

I wrung my hands, suddenly overcome with guilt over such a sad face, and sighed. “It’s not, by the way,” I began, looking at the ground. “Our relationship isn’t just a way to get revenge.”

He was quiet, soft, and almost frightened, he reached out and took my hand, lacing our fingers. “I’m really sorry for getting so annoyed. I just…I dunno, I guess this is what I’m like when I like someone.”

I met his eyes. “Obnoxious?” I asked, raising my brows.

He flushed and glanced away. “Um…I meant jealous, but…”

I chuckled and smoothed my thumb against the top of his hand. “It’s fine,” I said, then sighed. “I mean, it’s not. Being jealous in a relationship isn’t healthy. But…I guess I was pretty jealous too when I saw you with that girl.”

He stiffened. “Wait, did you just imply that we’re in a relationship?”

I swallowed hard. “Oh, uh, no. When did I do that?” I asked, scratching my arm with a laugh. “Ah, anyway! I was at Taehyung’s, but it wasn’t anything like you’re thinking. He’s just having a hard time since he went public. He really valued his anonymity, so…”

Jungkook furrowed his brow, adopted a pensive look, and took my other hand. “You’re avoiding the question.”

I blinked up at him, unable to look away from the warmth of his deep brown eyes. Since when were they so tender? His eyes scanned my face, hopping around from feature to feature, and there was something hidden in his gaze that made me blush. Was he always so intense?

Had he always looked at me like I was a piece of art?

“Y/N, are we in a relationship right now?” he asked softly, lips plush and beckoning.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek and dropped my gaze to my shoes. “I mean, technically yes. You’re in some sort of relationship with every person you meet-,”

“Y/N…”

I sighed. “I…I don’t think I can give you that, Jungkook,” I said at last after some moments of silence. “The kind of relationship you want…I’m not sure I’m ready for that right now.”

“But later?” he asked.

My whole face was burning hot, the skin he touched with his fingers stinging like fire. I inhaled, but all I smelled was his sweet cologne. “L-Later…,” I said, voice weak, with a single nod.

He exhaled, almost like relief, and nodded his head. “Okay,” he said with a laugh. “I can work with later.”

I met his eyes again and found him staring right into mine, gentle and soft, gazing at me with nothing but admiration. “Are you sure? Don’t you want someone who can give you now?”

He smiled and shook his head, leaning down close to me. So close I could feel his breath tickling my cheek. “I want you.”

My whole body was alight with energy, my nerves jittering, my pulse racing, my heart beating like a jackhammer in my ears. “Ah…,” I breathed, and perhaps I thought that was a sentence but it wasn’t.

He leaned just a little bit closer. “Is…is this alright?” he asked, eyes still locked on mine as his fingers locked on the tops of my hands, a loose tether. I swallowed my uncertainty and nodded my head. “Okay,” he said softly.

He tipped his head just slightly, just enough to let our lips brush. It might have ended there, chaste, had I not inched up on my toes to keep him close. His lips were pillowy soft, moving slowly and without urgency, but carrying a hot passion that I recognized from that night at my dad’s house. Slowly, his arms snaked around my waist and mine around his neck. Our bodies were flush, and as he tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss I let him, holding onto him just as tightly as he held onto me.

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