#anyhow see y'all on monday!

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Hi, happy Miguetri Monday, what the FUCK was this look!!! WHY is he smoldering our boi Miguel Diaz!!!

Y'all I am SCREAMING. I've been on my clown shit for YEARS now being like "haha wouldn't it be funky if Demetri had a crush on/was attracted to Miguel!! Wouldn't that be wacky and wild and kind of delightful!!" but I had no real evidence for it, it was solely Vibes. Like Demetri is 40000000% gay, but usually, the only guy he checks out on the reg is Eli. Like, I always liked the idea of him being kinda into Miguel, but it was mostly just me being goofy and shipping my two favorite male characters with each other (sorry Eli ^^;).

UNTIL NOW???

Anyways, breaking news: Demetri Alexopoulos is bestiesexual! The only way in the world to get him to be into you is to be a boy and be his bestie (yes, I AM implying he does not genuinely romantically like Yasmine at all, but that's a rant for another post). And just being a casual friend will not do--you MUST be intensely ride-or-die through the thick and thin to unlock The Horny.

I also have a headcanon (that I honestly can't decide if it's more heartbreaking or hilarious) that Demetri has had an on-and-off crush on Miguel for the entire series, and it tends to activate/intensify when he thinks he's too deep in Eli's friendzone or has otherwise completely lost his chance with Eli. Like back in S1, he lowkey seems to be crushing on Miguel to the point where he's a little O____o when Miguel invites Sam to join their pig dissection group XD Prolly because he was like "WELL Eli is definitely definitely DEFINITELY never gonna see me that way, or else he woulda said something by now...but this new guy, tho? 👀👀👀MAYBE IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO BE GAY WITH HIM--"

And then shit gets so intense with Eli and Miguel dates so many girls that Demetri kinda forgets his crush for a while. He's got bigger concerns, and Miguel probably doesn't swing that way anyhow! And THEN he gets Eli back, and things are looking up, and--

What's this??? Eli wants to "explore his options" for college??? Well maybe I'LL explore my options for DATING then!!!! I am checking out The Goods, Eli, and The Goods are fine as hell, and maybe MIGUEL would treat me right, and maybe it's not too late for Miguel to come out as bi and also totally into me--

(DEEPLY funny because it's like. Boy be so fr right now! Your rebound crush is a guy in a committed het relationship who you have even LESS chance with than the homoerotic best friend who spurred all this in the first place???

Then again, Demetri has a history of getting "safety crushes" on people he views as completely unattainable, so...this is nothing new XD)

ANYWAYS, IN SUMMARY

[moodytoots]

why can't people just like. idk.

so i finally got my hours down to perfect at the place i've worked for 10 years, and even tho i shed hours i'm not seeing a pay difference... anyhow but like so now i'm full time custodian and like between the two ladies i work with i'm about to go nuts like things are finally perfect and y'all...

the one, older, one of the hardest working people i have ever known hasn't been taking well to our former (and the principal for the last 12 years) principal leaving and his vp taking over. like he really babied us and was just like a yes man, where our new one she's no frills and like i *completely* get it because well, no wonder we never had a budget if he was always giving people OT when i know very damn well these people weren't doing the full OT but writing in on their time sheets.

so now we have a clocking in program and well he kinda let everyone sign their contracts before peacing out so it's hard for the new admin team to do much for now, but like i have seen this woman's paycheck WHY should would want to work these many hours (as i just came off burnt the fuck out from mine) idk, but she's almost ready to hissy fit over our new team trying to get her off OT, which is not normal like they wanna get someone else in there (we'll get to that in a bit) but like our jobs are easy, principal asks us to do stuff we do it we do stuff that comes up bam easy. but for some reason these two ladies want it to be easier idk

the other, a POS if ever i saw one, got switched over like me except months ago, which i wanted to do before she did and the way she did it she doesn't realize she almost ended up unemployed, and still has the audacity to show 'tude after the principal asks her to do stuff, but like doesn't clean properly EVERYONE. sees it. even admin, they told me so when they signed me on full time again. and i think after today i'm going to the team on monday and bein' like look (i mean i'm dispensing out my resume like pez rn anyhow so what will it hurt) we gotta do something abt this bitch

and just this week they made a big statement without making a statement ya know actions louder than words sitch, where an aide who has taken advantage of being out and sick and whatever have you. well they took away her aide position--didn't fire her, but the classes she aides were getting SO behind, so now she's a "permasub" lmao but i feel like it was a superbigdeal statement to anyone else

but like dudes i by no means am a hard worker at least i don't consider myself one, but i bust my tail at this job because it's so easy. not hard to constantly find something to bide the time whatever but i just needed to dump because i'm out sick and the other lady is out too and i know that POS isn't gonna clean the bathrooms today because it's raining and she. literally. texted. me. as. much. which i'm going to show to the admin team on monday first thing, but i just idk. i'm ready for a new job that's not an hour away.

[dialux]

trope it all up

So @eolaseadrom​ told me that I couldn’t do a blind date fic in canon verse, and I live to be spiteful. Also, the @jonxsansafanfiction​ valentine’s challenge is upon us, and there was really no better time for writing a fic than this one. So, without further ado:

My best attempt at working in four different prompts from the prompt challenge- each chapter encompasses one prompt.

chapter one: sansa is insulted, arya is nosy, jon’s angry, and bran’s just in this for the laughs.

i. blind date/set up

Summer had come, perhaps, and with it life; but at least in the winter, Sansa hadn’t had many marriage proposals. The Lords were more invested in taking care of their own keeps when their people were freezing to death in the streets; even the Vale soldiers had left the North once it became clear how cold the land would get, and Petyr had gone with them. But once Jon and- everyone else- had defeated the Walkers, and once the sun had risen and stayed like that, the men flooded into Winterfell by the thousands, all hoping to wed Sansa.

Sansa or Arya, in point of fact. Arya had right near skinned the first man and had been in the process of gelding the second when Jon stopped her- and after that, Gendry had been there to quietly threaten them into terrified silence. 

Mostly, the suitors came for Sansa.

And Sansa was exhausted of it. Twice wed, thrice betrothed, with nothing to show for it but scars running down her back and a quiet fear; Sansa would be content to spend the rest of her life living inside Winterfell, without the tension or anger or frustration that came with having a husband.

Which, perhaps, hadn’t been as easy a decision to make as it could’ve been. Sansa’d always wanted children, her own keep to run; but she’d learned her lessons with Ramsay, and with Joffrey. She might have been a little bit more snappish than usual about the whole thing, but certainly nowhere near the level everyone seemed to consider it.

And Arya, of course, had never had much patience for leaving things be as was healthy.

“Listen,” said Arya. “You’re moping.”

“I am not,” said Sansa, impatient. They’d been going back and forth for nearly an hour, and she was tired of it. “You’re mistaking me for Jon.”

“Lot of people tell you that you look like him then?” Arya asked, utterly dry. 

“I don’t mope,” she insisted. “I-”

“-flounce, mayhaps. And go all red in the face, and tear up all the sewing, and stuff lemoncakes in your face-”

“How dare you!” 

Sansa felt herself flush, hand clawing over the cloth she held- then she realized what she was doing, and straightened stiffly, wounded dignity dripping from her pores.

“I am the heir to Winterfell,” said Sansa. “And I will not suffer your idiotic- worries- when there’s no need to it!”

“You’re giving up a dream that’s been a part of you for years! Anyone with a head would treat that as painful, Sansa, and the only other person I know who’s as absolutely determined to be miserable is Jon!”

“Miserable!” Sansa shrieked.

Arya’s eyes narrowed, and then she turned and walked away. Sansa huffed, and, as soon as she was certain that Arya wasn’t returning, turned away and hurled the embroidery she’d been working on across the room. The wooden circlet made a satisfying thunk against the far wall.

...

Jon tugged at his jerkin uncomfortably.

It was Arya’s idea; before that, he’d been thinking on going into the Wolfswood for a few weeks with Ghost by his side. But he’d done the disappearing act before and hadn’t felt one bit better. With the Others defeated, the world was getting warmer; and Jon was feeling more and more unnecessary.

Or perhaps just aimless. 

Same difference.

Arya and Bran did their best to involve him, but it was a losing battle. Jon had never had much interest in politics- and now, with no eldritch undead army to worry over, he couldn’t be arsed to care. The only person to truly make him feel anything was Sansa, and that was more frothing fury than anything else.

But according to Arya, she knew of the perfect way for him to pass the night- she’d spent so long trying to convince him that Jon had finally given in. They were on their horses, heading towards the Wolfswood, when she said, “It’s a woman.”

“What’s a woman?” Jon asked absently.

“The person you’re going to meet.”

“I- what?” Jon levelled a deadly look at Arya, who only shrugged, unfazed.

“You’ve been acting ridiculous over the past week,” said Arya unrepentantly. “I’m just trying to make you feel better. And don’t worry- she’s not going to think anything bad of you. I also didn’t have to pay her to come, so that’s something.” She waggled her eyebrows. “It’s almost like people don’t actively avoid you, you know, if you’re a little nice to them.”

“Arya!"

“I mean it.” She nodded as they turned a corner in the path. “Just follow the sound of the water- we’re close enough. I’m heading back now. Don’t want to ruin the surprise, yes?”

Jon’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, but he didn’t say anything as she rode back the way they’d come.

The clearing Arya had pointed out was obvious, when he got to it. There was even a cloth spread over the grass, a basket of food set neatly on top; the sun streamed down brilliantly. It was, altogether, more planning than he’d ever seen his sister do, up to and including her vengeance on the wildling who’d tried to steal her- something she’d forced Jon to swear never to tell Sansa.

There was one thing missing, however, and Jon felt his brows pull together- where was the woman Arya had expounded upon at such length? He strode over to the basket, and there- right on top- was a card of folded, obnoxious yellow.

He flipped it open, and nearly choked on his anger at the first, and only, line.

...

Sansa entered the clearing carefully.

Bran had agreed with Arya, an earnest, innocent look about his face- and Sansa would pinch his ears until they bled when she got back to Winterfell, see if she wouldn’t- and so Sansa had gone to this meeting, shoulders high about her ears, fingers bunching the fabric of her skirts nervously.

As soon as she saw Jon, however, she felt all her tension fade in favor if irritation.

“Jon? What are you doing here?”

He turned around. In his hands was a paper painted a yellow bright enough to make anyone’s eyes bleed. His mouth was pursed into a thin line, and his eyes were bright with enough anger to shine purple.

“Read,” he said, and thrust the paper at her.

Sansa arched an eyebrow at his tone but took it nonetheless, smoothing it out. 

“May the two unhappiest people in Westeros enjoy each other’s company.” She looked up at him incredulously. “Is this your idea of a romantic card?”

“I didn’t want this,” Jon told her brusquely. “Not a bit. I didn’t even know that it was you!”

“Neither did I,” said Sansa.

Jon breathed out slowly and turned around, hands waving frenetically through the air. “If you’re here,” he snapped into the air, clearly not addressing Sansa, “then I suggest you leave Winterfell right now, Arya.”

Sansa ignored him, heading towards the blanket. The basket on top was filled with actual food- she unwrapped a loaf of bread, and tore off a chunk, leaning back to allow the sunlight to spill over her face.

“-told me that you didn’t bribe her-”

There was a bottle of wine at the bottom. Sansa uncapped it and took a long sip.

“-keeping her in the dark’s the same thing, you absolutely moronic child-”

It was fruity, she thought. Nowhere near as sour as the Night’s Watch seemed to enjoy.

“-and I will-” his ranting broke off as he turned and saw her. “What’re you doing?”

“Relaxing,” said Sansa, lifting the bottle of wine. She smiled lazily. “I think I’ve earned it, don’t you?”

“What?”

Sansa sighed. “We’ll get back to Winterfell soon enough,” she told him. “I’ll give Arya enough chores that she can’t so much as think about anything else for a couple weeks. But nothing’s going to happen with me getting mad right now, do you see? So- just relax. We can yell at Arya in a few hours.” Jon flushed, and she waved a hand sloppily, almost spilling the wine. “Or not, continue yelling if that’s really your heart’s desire.”

She leaned back once more, eyes dropping shut. A few minutes later, Sansa heard the thump of Jon seating himself beside her. She smiled, and, eyes still closed, extended the bottle of wine. Jon took it immediately.

...

They napped, for a time, exchanging the bottle of wine; then, they split the food between them. Sansa wasn’t quite sure what had happened- but they weren’t snapping at each other.

It had been a long, hard road here. They’d taken back Winterfell, but that had been only the beginning. Petyr had done his best to sow discord between Sansa and Jon, and while Sansa had done her best to support Jon, Jon himself hadn’t been so easygoing about it. The day he threatened to throw Petyr out of Winterfell, Sansa had defended him; Jon had gotten incandescently angry.

A week later, he’d left for the south; when he returned months later, Arya and Bran were back, and the armies of the dead were coming. Sansa, however, hadn’t been able to find it in herself to be anything more than polite to him.

But they were here, now, years later: and if it had been a hard road to walk, if they were both more than a little damaged for it, they at least understood each other.

“And did you see Daenerys’ face?” Sansa asked, laughter bubbling up between in the spaces between her words, making her gasp, light-headed. “When her dragons refused to set foot in Winterfell? She made us meet her in Castle Cerwyn!”

“Only reason I didn’t start shouting right then was ‘cause I was imagining Clay Cerwyn’s answer,” replied Jon. 

Sansa snorted. “He kept silent when the Boltons skinned his own father- he didn’t so much as wait for the dragons to cast a shadow on his keep before fleeing.” Her lips twisted. “His poor wife had a time of managing the entire household. And Arya wasn’t of much help, let me tell you.”

“Why? Too threatening?”

“She refused to go anywhere without Nymeria,” said Sansa, eyes dark with humor.

Jon looked at her questioningly, and she sighed.

“Nymeria was in her- season. She tried to mate with the hounds.” She grinned. “I made it a point to complain every morning about how dogs were howling all night long. Arya couldn’t look me in the eye for hours, I tell you- and she hasn’t insisted on bringing Nymeria to a diplomatic meeting ever since.”

Jon threw his head back and laughed, loud, booming, as she’d never seen before- she could count on her fingers the time’s he’d looked so carefree.

Sansa leaned forwards, threading her fingers through his. Jon looked at her, startled, and she let her smile soften into something truer.

“When we go back,” she murmured, “what do you say we play a game on them?”

...

They returned to Winterfell, and their linked hands got so many raised brows that Sansa was hard-pressed to keep from giggling. Jon, in a vain attempt to stop his own amusement from showing, had adopted such a stormy look on his face that it made her even more amused- to which he turned grimmer. It was a vicious cycle.

“You took longer than expected,” said Arya, as they approached the keep. Her smug smile only made Sansa grin wider.

Jon pulled away, leaves crunching under his feet as he turned, slowly, to meet Arya’s. 

“I’m going to kill you,” he said, perfectly pleasantly. Arya’s face went a little stiffer. “Or at least, you’re going to wish you were dead, by the time I’m finished with you.”

She chanced a pleading look at Sansa.

“No, don’t look at me,” said Sansa, smiling placidly at her sister, the frosting from her lunch still smeared stickily across her fingers. “I’m just going to sit here and, oh, I don’t know, stuff my face with lemoncakes.”

Arya’s eyes narrowed, and she turned, meeting Jon’s gimlet gaze with a defiant one of her own. Sansa smiled and settled in for a good show.

[carrickbender]

FRIDAY 5:

1. It's day 4 of a 6 day stretch. The mill is almost running, but tonight we coined a new word. Theres a great term in the PNW when something is properly aligned and correct, known as 'Skookum'. Of course because it has its origins in Chinook jargon, one of the first nations languages, it also found its way into the name Skookumchuck, a western Washington River. We took it a step further with the new term Skookumfucked, which is when you think you've got something fixed perfectly but you've really made it worse. It's going on urban dictionary, for sure.

2. My boss brought in a few bags of black rifle coffee company ground coffee, and now that it's not made so weak like the last time I tried it, it's pretty good. Mind you, I'm also 2 thermoses of black tea and 2 diet Dr peppers deep in the night, so it might be the icing on the proverbial cake.

3. Speaking of cake, that Henry face... such sweetness hiding the intentions of a 2 year old terrorist. I think I'll be happy to get enough for a happy meal back of our renters deposit.

4. Speaking of houses, we are looking at a house on Monday. Craftsman style, hidden hardwood floors, and a yard for buggy. Fingers crossed...

5. So I encourage all y'all who have Spotify or any other streaming service to go and listen to Martin Luther King's speech "Why I oppose the war in Vietnam". While some of the content is very specific to the Vietnam War, this speech is absolutely as relevant today as it was then. I'm kinda revisiting these speeches for inspiration because we as a nation need to continue the momentum that Stacy Abrahams and others have created in communities around America for change. Now is not the time to stop just because we elected someone who isn't a complete sociopath to office. We need to hold him to the campaign promises that he made; we need to continue to do the hard work and examine our behaviours and attitudes; And we need to support POC in positions of leadership. We can't stop!!

Anyhow, take care. I have been kinda quiet, but I do see you all, and know that I see the hurt and isolation. But the days are getting longer, and I promise that the fog is lifting. You are loved, and good things are on the horizon.

A change is gonna come, oh yes it is

[fangirlspammer]

Sparks Fly (part 6)

Okay, so this took way too long to write. I've had most of it done for months now, but I couldn't see how to end it. This is going to be the last chapter for awhile. I could get inspired again and add to this story, but for now it has come to a close. I hope that you enjoy this chapter and I apologize for it's short coming. I hope what it lacks in length, it makes up for in feels🥺💜 thank you all for supporting this story and my writing. As always feedback is always welcome💜

Gif by @regal-roni

Okay, so it had been over a month since you and Jack had been caught making out in the gym by Vance, and maybe every time the two of you made plans, or came close to anything further than second base, there was a new case. Maybe, just maybe, the last time she was at your house your brother and his fiance walked in when Jack was straddling you, her shirt all a mess with her bra showing and her stomach exposed. Did that mean that you were going to give up? Sometimes it felt that way, especially on days like this. The case was closed, you were going to get off earlier than normal, and nothing seemed to stand in your way. It was all just too easy.

"Are you ready?" Jack's voice woke you from your day dream. You hadn't seen her come down. She stood there dangling a set of keys on her fingers with a wide grin plastered on her face. You couldn't quite figure her out still, but that was part of the excitement of a new relationship.

"Ready?" You arched a brow and leaned forward, taking her in. She seemed happier than normal and you loved that.

"Just a surprise I have planned," she smirked and shook her head when you tilted your head hoping for more of an answer.

"Well I don't plan on jinxing it," you laughed and gathered your things before hopping up. You looked to Gibbs for approval and he just nodded. "Goodbye Team Gibbs, see y'all Monday!" You didn't waste any time on your normal goodbyes and ran to catch up with Jack in the elevator.

The whole ride home had been almost silent, but the radio played while you shifted constantly in your seat. Jack rested a hand on your shaking leg and gave you a reassuring smile. You couldn't help it. You were curious, excited and a bundle of nerves all at once. Once you both reached your home Jack insisted you change your clothes.

"Jack, this is crazy," you laughed as you rushed around your room for something to wear. You could hear Jack laugh outside of your door and you grinned, rolling your eyes at her childish behavior. "Are you going to tell me what we are doing?" You could practically hear Jack's smirk boring its way through the door as you hopped around the room with one leg in your jeans.

"I'm just taking you somewhere for the weekend," she finally announced just a little bit of her plan. Her eyes widened when she heard a thud and a few little crashing sounds coming from inside your room. "Y/N? Are you alright?"

If you weren't such a sight with your pants halfway up and your shirt stuck on your head, you'd have asked for her help, but you did not want her to see this. You finally pulled the shirt down and leaned against your dresser as you sat on the floor breathlessly. "Yeah, I'm fine," you assured her and looked around for shoes. "A weekend away? Shouldn't I pack??"

"You're covered," she chuckled.

"She had me pack for you!" you heard Travis call from the living room.

"Oh god," you mumbled under your breath as you made your way to the door.

"Don't worry. I told him just what to pack," she assured you with a knowing smirk when you opened the door. "I may have added a few things on my lunch break."

Your eyes widened slightly when you saw hers gloss over with a hint of lust. You swallowed hard and took her hand when she offered it to you. "Are you sure I don't have time for a shower or something?"

"Don't worry, you'll have plenty of time for that when we get to our destination," she smirked and waved to your brother. "Thanks again Travis."

"Anytime Special Agent," Travis laughed and shut the door.

You didn't say much for the first half hour of the ride. When did Jack sneak out of the office? Wouldn't you have noticed her leaving? Maybe you had been too caught up in the case, either way this was exciting. Your stomach was doing flips, however, as you thought about taking the next step in your relationship. It wasn't that you didn't want this, it was more so that you hadn't done this in years.

"You're awfully quiet for someone with so much curiousity," Jack pipes up with a little giggle.

Your heart raced a moment and a gentle smile crossed your lips as you listened to her laugh. You could listen to her all day, but that laugh was something extra special to you. You gave a small shrug and grinned, your eyes were focused on the mountains and trees that now surrounded you.

"Do you plan on telling me where we're going?" You arched a brow and glanced at her. She pressed her lips together and smirked. "See? Then I can't ask questions that will get me nowhere," you laughed and rolled your eyes. Her hand came to rest on your knee and gave you a little squeeze. "How did you manage to do all of this without my knowing?" You decided to give one question a try, not expecting much.

Jack pursed her lips together and wrinkled her brow as she gave thought to answering you. She decided it was a safe enough question and proceeded to respond. "I know your schedule well enough by now, and your brother did most of the work anyhow," she laughed.

"I can't believe you got Travis to pack my luggage," you laughed half in amusement, and half in dread of what she made him pack. You still were completely clueless.

"Don't worry. All the real sexy stuff is in another bag I packed myself," she smirked watching you squirm a bit.

Your heart picked up speed once more as you started to picture the two of you together again. You often had very vivid dreams about the two of you in moments of uninterrupted passion. Some nights you woke up in a hot sweat from the images you had. You felt her fingers trace your thighs and you swallowed hard, pushing your legs together a bit. when you looked over to her she was playing innocent as she drove, but you could see the smirk playing on her lips.

When the car came to a stop an hour later you realized exactly where you were. Jack didn't hesitate a moment before jumping out of the car and unpacking it. You unbuckled and looked around, impressed that she had done all of this just to spend a few, uninterrupted, days with you.

"Now how on Earth did you manage to get Gibbs to give up his quiet getaway?" You inquired, following behind her with a bag slung over your shoulder.

"I can get just about anybody to do just about anything," she smirked, turning around to face you now. You saw the spark of amusement in her eyes as she let your mind travel to the gutter. You rolled your eyes biting your lower lip. "You know you're cute when you do that."

You let go of your lip and replaced your grin with a look of pure confusion. "Do what?"

She took a step closer and your heart picked up speed. "Bite your lower lip. It's sort of...sexy," she smirked.

Your heart raced faster. If she was trying to turn you on it had worked hours ago. This was just torture. You watched her tongue come out to wet her lips, drawing out the motion to drive you crazier than you already were. You mumbled something under your breath.

"What was that?" She stopped mid stroke as she pushed your hair behind your ears.

"I said I can't believe it's been 4 weeks," you repeated as the ache you felt for her only grew stronger. You lifted your gaze and saw her eyeing you like the last piece of Ghirardelli chocolate.

"4 weeks and 6 days, but who's counting?" she teased and took a step closer.

You let out a breathy chuckle and wrapped your arms around her neck. "Well, obviously not you," you teased. She rolled her eyes and you couldn't stand her cuteness any longer. You pulled her closer and captured her lips in yours. This weekend was going to be perfect.

Okay that was way shorter than I thought. I am really sorry🥺

[cardandpixel]

well, this post didn’t turn out as intended.....

As we hit mid June 2020 and all breathe a collective sigh of relief that our lizard overlords have yet to start their inevitable overthrow of all Earth governments and revel in the brief diastema that Monday thru Wednesday of next week will bring before, presumably, the next globally paradigm shifting event hits our small blue marble; I'd like to reflect just for a brief moment back to the heady days of early March when we still 'did things', 'went places' and 'saw folk'. Like just about everyone else in our little hobby I am crushingly missing my little circle of gaming and RPG buddies, and though we are doing our best to meet up on Zoom pretty frequently for a lovingly created series of quizzes, games, RPGs (one-shots and campaigns), JackBox nights and the ever morale-crushing StarTrek Bridge Crew (the Ghost Stories of video games if you will), it's really just not the same. I miss hurling cards and resources at my friends; trying bizarre sweets and snacks that we've spent days scouring small supermarkets for; laughing like a drain at each other's unhinged brains and generally sharing that most precious of things - each other's love & friendship round a table. I'm pretty lucky - most of these folks are also people I work with and though we have our usual sparks and frictions that any human has from time to time, I value their presence in my life often on an equal par with the very air that I breathe. Oh - that's cool - this was supposed to be my list of top 5 'grab & go' games, but to heck with it - that can wait, human stuff is always more important. Anyone who's read this blog before will realise there has been a bit of a slow down and even hiatus in posts for the last couple of years and the reasons are various and complicated.  I have suffered from often severe depression for nearly 30 years, a good half of that formally undiagnosed and untreated, which led to a few interesting and pretty crappy years, but happily over the past few years my Black Dog has been kept under control with a mix of tools I spent years in counselling developing, early warning systems, and an amazing group of friends and colleagues who at times have without understatement, kept me grounded and in extremis, alive. One of the remarkable happy coincidences has also been my deep diving into our beloved gaming hobby, which has played a major role in my walk with depression as well. Things came to a head a couple of years ago when I had a complete cataclysmic meltdown on the morning of Airecon 2018. Jane & I have grown to love Airecon, and Mark Cooke and the team have done an utterly amazing job in keeping the feel of the con from when it started in Mark's front room (also the last time it was actually on the Aire!). I love that Mark still walks round the con looking more than a little headlighty rabbit at times, it's adorable. So, when my fritzy wired brain betrayed me that morning, that little dog barked at me that not only was everything my fault (his usual chorus), but the fact we were going to be missing Airecon now was just adding to his litany of guilt piling. Jane was incredible. Weirdly, driving quietly can be one of the things that can slowly start to unlock my psychological straight jacket. No idea why, just can. So, we came up with a plan - we would take a slow drive up to Harrogate, and even if we got as far as the car park under the HIC, and I still didn't feel up to it, we would turn around and drive back again (we live about an hour's drive from Harrogate). We didn't. We went in, and we had an awesome afternoon of playing games, sampling game demos, meeting lovely people; some old friends, some brand new, but all welcoming and encouraging. No-one there, with the possible exception of J would have had any clue how much our hobby saved my brain that day, and does on an almost daily basis. Gaming, gaming discussions, research and media have all made such an astonishing difference to the walk I walk with this odd brain of mine. There have been times when my brain has screamed not to go to a games evening, RPG session etc, but I've dragged my sorry butt there and it's always been at least therapeutic, and often life changing. My friends are amazing and at once accommodating and also unpampering (new word because I can't really explain the feeling well enough). One of the more icky side-effects of this brain wired by someone in boxing gloves is Imposter Syndrome - honestly, it's a treasure at work (aka olden times) as a sound engineer, but also since that meltdown before Airecon a couple of years ago, it hit me hard as a someone who enjoyed writing  a board & video game blog ie this. What happens in my brain is that everyone else, EVERYONE is better at doing this thing than I am and therefore there's no point whatsoever in me doing it because it will be a steaming pile of poohickey. Everyone gets more likes, more followers, more attention, so why bother? And though some would argue that actually everyone on Twitch, YooToob and Tweety should really ask themselves that question anyhow, I actually did. And I decided that I was going to furlough this blog. I was convinced no-one wanted to read it, no-one cared. But then a few folk started asking where it had gone. A few people (and it was only a few, I'm not being falsely modest here) said they really enjoyed reading it, and so recently I've thought... Hey - it's not just them. I actually enjoy writing, it's good for me, it helps, it's therapy and even when it isn't, why not just write. If no-one wants to read it, they don't have to anyway (something I wish more YouTube viewers/creators would realise). So I've decided to see how it goes. See whether Card&Pixel is still in me somewhere. And it's great, there's no demand to 'smash that like button' (my most eye-rolling phrase in media currently), subscribe to anything, no 'dinging that dong' - if you want to read this, great, it's good to be back. But if not, thanks for landing on this page, but I'm happy if you decide to read or watch something else. Since this weird world retirement practice started I've found some amazing new content makers and writers and I will be doing a blog about them separately soon. But for the moment, Hi - I'm Paul, aka Card&Pixel, and it's kinda nice to be back........... Happy gaming y'all. www.itsoktosay.org

[thebigbadspike-archive]

How did you end up RPing? Feel free to be descriptive lol. What drove you toward Spike specifically? How'd you get so good at it? Tell me about the first time you saw him on screen 🖤 also, you are my favorite blog on all of tumblr. Keep being amazing 😊I'm kinda curious: how'd you meet your boyfriend? How long have y'all been together? (: anyhow, hope you have a great night

//Oh boy be ready for this reply. Great questions though and thank you for sending this!!

Okay so role-playing in general was always something me and my siblings did. That was mostly how we played growing up. Then, and this will probably sound dumb but oh well, when Pokemon added the chat room feature me and my sister would write out our roleplays over that at night from our bedrooms. I had to lay at the foot of my bed for the wireless connection to work back then but it was worth it lol we had some great roleplays. So really dumb ones too but we had fun. My parents used to be real strict about computer use and as a result we snuck social media accounts at the public library. To avoid getting caught we would use a fake name or a character and roll with it. My first Facebook page was for Jack Harkness actually xD my role-playing just progressed from there until I accidentally stumbled on the Tumblr rp community. Yes, it was an accident. I didn’t know Tumblr rp existed. I created this blog as a blog for me to be Spike for my own enjoyment and then people found me. I was immediately pulled to Spike as a muse the moment I met him. We have a lot in common, he and I. A lot of the same habits and feelings and pastimes. Even, as it keeps being pointed out to me, mannerisms and facial expressions. The way we approach or perform certain things (which my boyfriend likes to mention sometimes lol). I feel a very strong connection to Spike, I really do.

How did I get good at it? Uhh…well I mean it’s all relative and opinion I guess, whether or not I am decent at role-playing. But for me it’s just like how I approach acting (my life has always revolved around the stage ever since I started acting in 3rd grade). I just try to get into their head. Figure out what makes them tick, both the good and the bad. I reread everything as i write, imagine it playing out or imagine them say it/say it to myself to see how it feels. If it doesn’t feel right I will redo it until I have something can post.

So actually my first encounter with Spike wasn’t even visual. My parents love the btvs movie (it’s a great movie I love it too) and we were raised being told that the show was completely different and therefore not worthy watching. That it was bad. Later in life I was told I should watch it and kind of waffled over the idea. What finally grabbed my attention though was listening to the omwf soundtrack while my fake sister drove me home from school. I was very interested in all the songs but Rest in Peace really struck me for some reason and after learning the song in her car I went home and looked it up so I could listen to it more. Wound up pulling up a bunch of Spike clips and watching those, my brother asked what I was doing and I told him I didn’t know who this character was but I needed to watch the show now because I needed to know. Spike is what pulled me into btvs and he didn’t disappoint.

Thanks for all your kind words nonnie!!! I hope I’m not boring you lot too much with my answers ^^;

And now onto the boyfriend. We met on here. Mutuals who didn’t talk a bunch or really rp together. Would sometimes talk ooc. Would talk more around the holidays sometimes because he was willing to talk to me while I was trying to not die at my family get togethers as they don’t like me and holidays cause a lot of anxiety and depression for me so I would ask for people to talk to. Then we started talking more on cosplay stuff and medication stuff and he would suggest shows for me to watch. Met in person a bit over a yea ago at Motor City Comic Con 2016 and it was great. We mad plans for him to come out here for my local con this year and stay with me and I asked him out right after. We’ve been together 5 months now as of yesterday (Monday the 21st)

[kcrabb88]

Ahhh y'all I got to see Great Comet today and it was AMAZING! The set was incredible and the lighting made me cry?? Can't say that's happened before. Also I have a not secret love for Josh Groban and he was SO GOOD. Anyhow, a new musical to love, for sure! Also got to see the always lovely @robertawickham today! In New York till Monday, it's been nice to get a small getaway though I do miss the cat.

[carrickbender]

What a week. .....(my Sunday 7)

-So, this time last week I was having dinner after selling my volvo, in Seattle, getting ready to get on the 11.15pm to Anchorage, and on to kodiak. Exhausted after a whirlwind packing of my stuff and getting ready to move when I get back. -monday, after I got here in the cold snow showers of a malingering winter, we went down to where our pots have been hanging out and moved a dozen in a nice lump. With no sleep in 2 days, I was so tired by the time we were done I barely made pizza for dinner. -after 5 glorious hours of pass out sleep, we ran 95 pots for an ok average of fish. I'm running the hydraulics, and it's like riding a bicycle, you get right back on and go. But also when you crash......ewwww. I did a number on one of the pots and we had to use the hydraulics to bend it back into shape. I slammed it HARD into the side of the boat, and it got it caught on a big bolt head as I was lifting it aboard. My deck mate likes to stand in front of me and direct me. Which, while I appreciate it, I'd also like to be able to see. We finished early enough that I got 6 hours of sleep and was somewhat refreshed. -Wednesday was like herding cats. We are a small boat, 45 ft, and we are running 6×6 crab pots(just like you see on the deadliest catch) with doors set to catch pacific cod. Well, get us into a bit of weather it it's a game of playing with the roll of the boat and landing a 500 lb crab pot on a square launcher without: a. Hurting the gear. B. Hurting my deck mate and myself. And let me say, there's another challenge : some of our pots open on the bottom (called dumpers), and some open on the side, which are called pickers. The pickers are a pain because you have to reach in and grab cod with this little hook, and replace the bait bag(which is 8-12 lbs of ground herring)-my deck mate and I split these chores. But the dumpers, oh they're even more fun, because we have to lift them up hydraulically in order to open the doors and clear them out. Which is fine, but the lift mechanism is REALLY F'ING SENSITIVE, like "telling a Steelers fan that you think Ben Rothesberger is a rapist dirt bag" sensitive. So my dummy-o's put 3 pots overboard the whole trip, and I felt like a moron about it. Fortunately I fish with guys who are good friends who are focused but forgiving. Thursday -the weather came up on us, so we scooted into kodiak and delivered Wednesday night. I went and got meds for a sinus infection, then recorded my song for "cover me thursday". I'm thankful all of my digits were in working order to play, as pot fishing has a tendency to do things like rip off fingernails and crush fingertips. Fri&Sat- I have been working on music for the past 2 days, and it's been somewhat productive. I volunteered to help book a show for national record store day before I left as a favour to the guy who is helping me put together a show called "songwriters gone coastal" in july in Aberdeen AND he's hooked me up with a friend who is recording and booking nationally. So yeah, favours. So it was super cool to be able to tell him i only have 2 more slots to fill out of 7 and have sound taken care of on saturday afternoon. He was genuinely happy to hear it, and I was genuinely glad this assignment was almost done. It's nice being known as a capable lieutenant. And today? Well, today I'm focusing on the craft. Songwriting. And here's where I am - I'm focusing on the idea of being brave and honest. See, I have no problem with being brave. I'm cool with sticking my neck out on the chopping block at work. Honest? Yep, I'll tell you exactly what I'm thinking if you ask me. But I'm having to ask myself am I being honest in my own writting? Am I letting my own thoughts out enough, or am I trying to be a commercial writer so I can break through into the mainstream? See, I thought I finally had the idea correct when I wrote "stay away from my heart". It was to the point. Blunt. But it was what I needed to say in order to get over the woman that almost destroyed me. And still, I love the song and I have more than a few people who have seen me play more than once say they love it and it really speaks to them. So my question to myself is this:how do I keep going? how do I write about the things that matter to me-as a man, as a 21st century human being, as a lover, a son, an ally, a friend, a confident, a believer, a worker, a dreamer, and a poet- without being trite, without seeming like it's contrived, but being honest and not always completely serious??? And all of this while being true to some good music, great riffs and hooks that will sound great coming out of your stereo in the car or in your earbuds. (Or was that in itself just "free associating garbage? Lol) I guess what the answer is, for me(and I think others), is that I have to be brave. I have to not fear making mistakes, but realize that art is entirely subjective. The only person who I'm accountable to in the end is me, and I have to set my standards to match my expectations. I have to trust my gut, because my gut says that when people write on a youtube page, "it's people like this who should be famous ", on something I did, I'm doing something right. I did me, and not only was I ok with it, others were ok with it. Be who you are, and as long as you stay humble, good things will come. Anyhow.......... Have a great week y'all - thanks for listening to me ramble, and I promise you all I have your six, always. Much love from Alaska!