#And when your bosses mom brings over homemade tamales

[carrickbender]

What a week. .....(my Sunday 7)

-So, this time last week I was having dinner after selling my volvo, in Seattle, getting ready to get on the 11.15pm to Anchorage, and on to kodiak. Exhausted after a whirlwind packing of my stuff and getting ready to move when I get back. -monday, after I got here in the cold snow showers of a malingering winter, we went down to where our pots have been hanging out and moved a dozen in a nice lump. With no sleep in 2 days, I was so tired by the time we were done I barely made pizza for dinner. -after 5 glorious hours of pass out sleep, we ran 95 pots for an ok average of fish. I'm running the hydraulics, and it's like riding a bicycle, you get right back on and go. But also when you crash......ewwww. I did a number on one of the pots and we had to use the hydraulics to bend it back into shape. I slammed it HARD into the side of the boat, and it got it caught on a big bolt head as I was lifting it aboard. My deck mate likes to stand in front of me and direct me. Which, while I appreciate it, I'd also like to be able to see. We finished early enough that I got 6 hours of sleep and was somewhat refreshed. -Wednesday was like herding cats. We are a small boat, 45 ft, and we are running 6×6 crab pots(just like you see on the deadliest catch) with doors set to catch pacific cod. Well, get us into a bit of weather it it's a game of playing with the roll of the boat and landing a 500 lb crab pot on a square launcher without: a. Hurting the gear. B. Hurting my deck mate and myself. And let me say, there's another challenge : some of our pots open on the bottom (called dumpers), and some open on the side, which are called pickers. The pickers are a pain because you have to reach in and grab cod with this little hook, and replace the bait bag(which is 8-12 lbs of ground herring)-my deck mate and I split these chores. But the dumpers, oh they're even more fun, because we have to lift them up hydraulically in order to open the doors and clear them out. Which is fine, but the lift mechanism is REALLY F'ING SENSITIVE, like "telling a Steelers fan that you think Ben Rothesberger is a rapist dirt bag" sensitive. So my dummy-o's put 3 pots overboard the whole trip, and I felt like a moron about it. Fortunately I fish with guys who are good friends who are focused but forgiving. Thursday -the weather came up on us, so we scooted into kodiak and delivered Wednesday night. I went and got meds for a sinus infection, then recorded my song for "cover me thursday". I'm thankful all of my digits were in working order to play, as pot fishing has a tendency to do things like rip off fingernails and crush fingertips. Fri&Sat- I have been working on music for the past 2 days, and it's been somewhat productive. I volunteered to help book a show for national record store day before I left as a favour to the guy who is helping me put together a show called "songwriters gone coastal" in july in Aberdeen AND he's hooked me up with a friend who is recording and booking nationally. So yeah, favours. So it was super cool to be able to tell him i only have 2 more slots to fill out of 7 and have sound taken care of on saturday afternoon. He was genuinely happy to hear it, and I was genuinely glad this assignment was almost done. It's nice being known as a capable lieutenant. And today? Well, today I'm focusing on the craft. Songwriting. And here's where I am - I'm focusing on the idea of being brave and honest. See, I have no problem with being brave. I'm cool with sticking my neck out on the chopping block at work. Honest? Yep, I'll tell you exactly what I'm thinking if you ask me. But I'm having to ask myself am I being honest in my own writting? Am I letting my own thoughts out enough, or am I trying to be a commercial writer so I can break through into the mainstream? See, I thought I finally had the idea correct when I wrote "stay away from my heart". It was to the point. Blunt. But it was what I needed to say in order to get over the woman that almost destroyed me. And still, I love the song and I have more than a few people who have seen me play more than once say they love it and it really speaks to them. So my question to myself is this:how do I keep going? how do I write about the things that matter to me-as a man, as a 21st century human being, as a lover, a son, an ally, a friend, a confident, a believer, a worker, a dreamer, and a poet- without being trite, without seeming like it's contrived, but being honest and not always completely serious??? And all of this while being true to some good music, great riffs and hooks that will sound great coming out of your stereo in the car or in your earbuds. (Or was that in itself just "free associating garbage? Lol) I guess what the answer is, for me(and I think others), is that I have to be brave. I have to not fear making mistakes, but realize that art is entirely subjective. The only person who I'm accountable to in the end is me, and I have to set my standards to match my expectations. I have to trust my gut, because my gut says that when people write on a youtube page, "it's people like this who should be famous ", on something I did, I'm doing something right. I did me, and not only was I ok with it, others were ok with it. Be who you are, and as long as you stay humble, good things will come. Anyhow.......... Have a great week y'all - thanks for listening to me ramble, and I promise you all I have your six, always. Much love from Alaska!