#any inaccuracies i apologize about btw

[heychucklenuts]

RED vs BLU Merc Name Headcanons + Differences

Within TF2 it's a bit ambiguous as to whether the BLU Mercenaries are clones of the RED Mercs, if they're Doppelgangers, or some other third thing. I like to think they're Doppelgangers, and as a result, this post is gonna be both my headcanons for the names of the RED and BLU mercs (obviously canon names such as Demo or Engie's will be left in tact). Also slight comic spoilers may apply so be wary for that.

I'll not only showcase the Mercs names, but also differences between them.

If a Mercs name is the same color as their team (so, the name is red or blue), that means that is their canon name. If only one part of the name is highlighted, that is the only canon part of the name.

Without further ado, the names for the Mercs:

Scout

RED: Jeremy Herring Surname taken from one of the surnames Jerma985 has been known with: Harrington. Unsure whether this is his real surname or another cruel joke. Also a slight pun with Red Herring. His first name should be a bit obvious here, as he's named after Jerma. BLU: Jesse Alibert Honestly I've probably thought of the name because of Jesse Pinkman, unfortunately. Surname is another variation of one of Jerma985's perceived surnames, this time being the world famous Elbertson surname.

Differences:

Jeremy is well known for being the rough and tough Bostonian he is, having grown up as the runt within a family of seven (7) older brothers. He's fought his way to get what's his, and he makes sure nobody stands in the way of him and what he wants. Jesse on the other hand is someone who you shouldn't fuck with. He grew up as the older brother to a little sister, so obviously, he grew protective of her, and has beaten plenty of guys up as a result. You cross him once, you're already on a watch list. Cross him twice? Obituary.

Soldier

RED: Jane Doe This is Soldier's already perceived name, a name given to either unidentified women, or women who's names are being withheld for other reasons. And what's to say this isn't his real name? BLU: Annie Roe As much as I wanted to go down the road of just calling him "John Doe, I felt that to be a little too easy. So, I looked up a list of placeholder names used aside John and Jane Doe, and ended up combining two placeholder names, one used primarily in the UK (Anne Other/A N Other), and another US variant of the placeholder, this time Jane Roe. I chose to change his name to Annie for two reasons: Annie Oakley, and there was an American clinical psychologist and researcher by the name of Anne Roe, so I wanted differentiation.

Differences:

Jane is who we know best, our jingoistic, lead-poisoned patriot himself. He's reckless, he's loudmouthed, but nevertheless he is passionate about his livelihood, about his country, and about his team. To him, he's served his time in the armed forces, being a part of the great Gravel Wars. God bless Teufort. He tries his damnedest to be the authority of his team. Annie is on a similar page as Jane, not much difference between the two, outside of the fact he has been in the army before, though not for long. The biggest difference would be how he seems to be a bit more closed off than Jane, a bit more to himself. He doesn't seem to fully understand at times that there is a time and place to brawl.

Pyro

RED: Pyro or Lumbre The Pyro's name is one of mystery, though I'm going off a particular headcanon I have seen before, or a speculation Pyro may be from Mexico do to a lot of their cosmetics being Mexico-themed. Therefore, I'm not necessarily giving them a name, more a placeholder word, one that can mean fire or light depending on it's context. Why I say Pyro or Lumbre is that we never know, perhaps Pyro is their name. Name not highlighted do to it being Pyro's name as a Merc rather than their real name. Allegedly. BLU: Cryo or Tsumetai (冷たい) A bit of a different take on the Pyro, which I'll get into later in the differences between the Merc counterparts. Cryo would be short for Cryomaniac, an opposite to Pyro's full Pyromaniac title. The other name, Tsumetai, comes from Japanese. It describes more something feeling cold. than yourself being cold. And the reason for the Japanese name is because of another speculation, of people believing Pyro is Japanese do to their "Hadouken" taunt from holding the Shotgun or Flare Gun. Obviously this is a Street Fighter reference, and thus some believe Pyro to be Japanese as a result.

Differences:

Pyro is notorious for being ruthless on the battlefield, burning everything and everyone that they can. But, to them, it's not destruction. If anything it's creation. They're creating a lovely world of candy and unicorns, with all of their friends there to celebrate, and those from the other team there to play. Surely they're just having fun, right? ...Right? Cryo. The opposite to Pyro. They see the beauty in fire, yes. But they adore the opposite too. Ice so cold it burns your flesh, causing severe frostbite, and necrosis. But again... al they're doing too is just playing. They're bringing everyone into their winter wonderland, to make snowtanks their friends and having snowball fights with the other team. Ice can't hurt that bad... it's what makes some of the best desserts. It's what makes people happy on a hot day.

Heavy

RED: Mikhail/Misha Medved Heavy's name Mikhail, or Misha for short, is already known to be canon. As for his last name, I decided to go with one that revolved around his bear theme in the game, having 5 bear-related cosmetics, as well as his fighting and killing a bear in the comics. The surname itself means "bear" in several Slavic languages., as a side note. Funny enough in researching this, I saw a retired Ukrainian decathlete by a similar name. (Translated to Russian his name is Mikhail Medved, but in Ukrainian it's Mykhailo Medvid.) BLU: Yuriy Kaban I wanted to give BLU Heavy a similar name type assigned to RED Heavy; I.E. having a more common first name, and a surname based off of an animal to represent them. While part of me wanted to assign BLU Heavy a surname meaning wolf, I decided instead to give him a name meaning boar. And, supposedly I'll say, the word "kaban" translates to boar, or wild boar.

Differences:

Stoic yet lovable, Heavy cottles his beloved Sasha as he takes down enemies. Of course, don't take him as someone who's cold and ruthless, he can be warm and vibrant, especially given he's a big brother to Yana, Zhanna, and Bronislava. His love for Sandviches helping to feed all of the other mercs, and his love of (and doctorate in) Russian literature making him so well read. But again, don't doubt him. He's the same man who can turn around and slam a bear on it's back and kill it if he chooses to do so. Yuriy is a man shrouded in mystery... somehow a bit more so than Spy is. For whatever reason he'd rather keep his past hidden from everyone else. What is known is he has a younger sister, similarly to Misha. It's theorized he came from similar origins as Misha, but something happened to the majority of his family before being sent to the gulag. While as deadly as Misha, he practices gentler hobbies to relax, such as sewing, or reading. He likes to take book recommendations from the other Mercs, and maybe even from Misha himself.

Demoman

RED: Tavish Finnegan DeGroot A man of many names, three to be exact. And All of these names boast some sort of a significance, being there as references to different cultural terms. Those being Black Scots, Black Irish, and Black Dutch, in that order. The last two being in reference to black people who have some ties to either Ireland or the Netherlands, but those ties not being ethnic. Meanwhile with Black Scots, that's more in reference to those descendant of freed African house servants who stayed in Scotland. All that is in blue is referenced from Demoman's official TF2 Wikipedia pageb and I felt it nexessary to elaborate more on that as I've done with some of the other Merc's names, and their origins. BLU: Aulay/Owl Tuinstra His first name is an interesting one, with one of its name variants (or one of the Anglicized versions of his name) being Humphrey. Aulay has a certain feel to it though that, to me fits a Demoman, and his nickname Owl may showcase his personality versus the RED Demoman. The surname of Tuinstra is a mixed one, being of West Frisian and Dutch origins, and his surname could roughly translate to "inhabitant of a garden", Tuin meaning garden, and the West Frisian suffix -stra meaning inhabitant of.

Differences:

The loveable drunk himself, Tavish is someone who defies all logic by being able to drink heavily, and not feel a thing. Though being in love with his own liver has something to do with it. He's a dastardly foe shooting bombs for people to step on and blow themselves up. Tav himself is damn well a multi-millionaire too, holding down three jobs, even if his mom says he's lazy. He's hardworking, and he's someone you don't wanna fuck with. Coming from more humble beginnings than Tavish, Owl grew up on a farm his family owned, still receiving the same scoldings of not working hard enough, despite being a bit wealthier as an adult. Like Tav, he's a man who can pack scrumpy and other types of alcohol. His nickname Owl does give a hint as to who he is though, being logical, independent, and a bit curious about different things... including cracking the cosmde between the RED and BLU team's relationship.

Engineer

RED: August Conagher Not too much to say about the Engineer in RED, or his name. These two get to be our mystery Mercenaries for the time being. BLU: Dell Conagher The real Dell Conagher, as shown in both the story comics, and Loose Canon. There's not much that I can say about him, or his name, other than that the BLU Engineer is Dell Conagher.

Differences:

The Engineer in RED, the one who may be a little too interested in how to become robotic, but he isn't the Engineer we've come to know. August's past is for his eyes only, being someone of an unknown past, but of possible relation to Dell. He seems to deny that though... possibly angry at the man for keeping Radigan's plans and blueprints all to himself. Dell is who we have come to know as the Engineer. He's the lovable Texan with a bit of a sadistic streak at times, and someone who also holds plenty of secrets, namely from his team. He's loyal to The Administrator and to Mann Co. as a whole, God knows what would happened if he went against the company.

Medic

RED: Dr. Ludwig, Ludwig Humboldt, Joseph Ludwig The only thing that is confirmed regarding Medic's name is some aspect of it being Ludwig. It was thought for a while this may be his last name, due to page 208 of The Naked and The Dead. The only reason this ever got questioned was because of the Rottenburg map, and the pharmacy named Humboldt's Pharmacy. Due to some of Medic's past lore, this likely caused people to wonder if Ludwig was his first name, and the pharmacy being of his actual surname. Though there was also the name given by Gaming Heads when they were promoting the Medic figuring: that being Joseph Heliburger. Though this is said to be non-canon. So, while his name is left as Dr. Ludwig, or Mr. Ludwig, I could see his name being either or of the names I listed above as headcanons. BLU: Andrea Weis An example of me kind of just picking and choosing what felt right, for some reason this name stuck as a possibility for BLU Medic. The name Andrea can mean manly, and is of Greek origin, while Weis can mean clever, wise, or experienced, which I think fits with the Medic class as a whole. Not to mention the possibility of BLU Scout getting pissy with him and calling his Dr. Whizz, and getting a kidney removed as a result.

Differences:

Cruel, sadistic, a strong love for bones and gore. Dr. Ludwig is a strange figure of mysterious origins, and while he is someone who wants to experiment for his own pleasure, don't get the wrong idea about him. He's not entirely careless though, caring about his team, and their well-being. He shifts all medical logic in their favor, as well as all standard logic to ensure he owns all of their souls. That way, in life and in death, the team may always be united. Dr. Weis on the other hand is a much more careful figure, even if he does take a same sadistic pleasure in what he does. And unlike Dr. Ludwig, he's actually gone to medical school. Weis does his job, being the teams healer, but other than that, he's a bit more to himself, usually found in his lab studying, or working on an unnamed cadaver. He prefers the quiet, as the constant calls to him can get a bit grating on the ears. So much so to the point he's considered quitting, but the unlimited money is too worth it to leave.

Sniper

RED: Mick Mundy At least a half of his name has been confirmed, with Mundy being his surname, and what he seems to go by the most. As for his first name being Mick, I'm genuinely unsure if that's been officially stated as being his first name, seeing as it was just on the back of the box of the Sniper action figure. One thing to say though, if it turns out his name is Mick, part of me wonders if he's using a shortened version of the name Michael, and doesn't like people calling him by his first name. Not to mention his supposed first name seems to be a Crocodile Dundee reference (not surprising since he has the Crocodile Mun-Dee cosmetic.) Other than that, the surname Mundy is a bit rare to come by, and either comes from Norman or Irish origin, and could possibly mean "Son of Monday". And his birth name Mun-dee is offbranded Superman lore, if Superman were a sniper instead of a superhuman. BLU: Lawrence/Laz Walker Pivoting from RED Sniper to what I assume could potentially be a more common name. I'll be honest this was one of the names where is was a series of shrugs instead of thought, mostly due to Sniper cosmetics, and the fact some people may have believed his name to be Lawrence because of the Lawrence of Australia item set. (A reference to the 1962 film Lawrence of Arabia.) As for the nickname of Laz, I can only explain it as it sounds more like a name for a Sniper than Larry. Do not question me. As for his last name Walker, I just decided "fuck it", giving him the 14th most common last name in Australia, versus RED Sniper's more unique last name.

Differences:

Adopted to Mr. and Mrs. Mundy, hailing from New Zealand to then be shot to the surface, raised to be Australian. Mundy isn't cruel like Dr. Ludwig, quite the opposite. He takes his job seriously, every shot being calculated to a T. Not exactly the friendliest of people, seeing as his job has had him isolated for long periods of time, but he's not completely cold to his team. He hangs out with them, he has fun with them. Serious and stoic he may be, he's found a love for his job, and for his teammates. Contrary to popular belief, he does not smell like piss. He takes care of himself and makes sure he's fresh for the day. Laz was born and raised in Australia, living in one of the underground homes of Coober Pedy up until he became an assassin. A cozy life for him he wishes to return to, but the town of Teufort offers an odd familiarity to him. It isn't the same, no, but it suffices. Laz isn't so much cold as he is introverted, preferring to keep his peace rather than interact with the other Mercs too much. The more he's worked with Team Fortress though, the more he's opened up, telling the Mercs stories of when he was growing up, and what it was like to have to dust yourself off after using the bathroom, or getting knocked on the head by loose minerals. Cryo seems to try and help Laz fill in the void of that by dropping sand and pebbles on him at random.

Spy

RED: René Èviter With RED Spy, I wanted to give him a very common French name, as that's what I feel like suits him the best. Thus, I named him René. (Bonus points because in the back of my head I can hear his full name being Simon René Èviter, with him usually omitting his first name. That's a give or take though. As for his surname, Èviter... it roughly translates from French to "to avoid", which is both a pun off his spywork, and his role as Scout's father. BLU: Florent Mercier More of a unique name, to a degree, and there's a reason why I named him Florent which I'll elaborate on shortly. I'll say I believe him to be RED Spy's more sensitive counterpart, so giving him a name that may be seen as more delicate in nature (translating to "flowering" from French), was a good choice. His surname, I just chose at random. Though I had to pivot from calling him Mercer as that's more an English and Scottish (and I believe Catalonian) variant, whilst Mercier is the French version, translating to "merchant".

Differences:

René is a sneaky man, conniving and quick footed. Nothing is known about him, where he lived, or even really who he is. All that's known is you should watch your back for him... and that he's quite the ladies man, seeming to sweep the Scout's mother off her feet, as well as countless other women. Make no mistake, he can steal your lady like he steals control points. More on the side of planning before acting, and less of a braggart, Florent lives up to a delicate nature. He's not someone who shies away from confrontation, no. He'll take a person head-on for whatever it is they've tried to do to him. But he isn't as flashy as his RED counterpart, preferring to stay humble about his spending habits. In his case too, he seems to be a little more than just a ladies man, rumors circling around the base that he may have a fondness for men too...

This took way too long to work on by the way, couple that with my newfound headache.

Was gonna do age headcanons too but I wanna sleep.

[flippinpancakes64]

Hey, i love ur works. I was wondering if i could request the Cullens with a reader who’s really good with children and is also a kindergarten/elementary school teacher. Thank u💞 Hope you have a nice day

The Cullens with a Reader who’s good with Kids

I apologize ahead of time for any inaccuracies here. There are no children around me and I do not go seek them out either. Me and kids do not mix…

Anyways thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!

Edward:

We don’t really know how he feels about kids before the birth of Renesmee

I mean obviously he loves her, but we don’t know if that’s because he loves kids or just because she’s his daughter

Either way I feel like he would be good with them

He would love to come help you with your students anytime you want him to

He loves setting up little games for them to play and reading to them

And he loves how good you are with kids

It just makes him go crazy

And then he gets stuck in that spot of wanting a kid with you. It not wanting to put you through what Bella went through

But that’s a whole different topic

He does have a moment of self doubt

He thinks you should be with someone who is alive and who could give you kids (if you want them)

Not someone who’s dead and could only hurt you

But he does get over himself

Eventually

Until then he helps you in your classes

All of your students love him btw

Alice:

You know those videos on tiktok of elementary school teachers going all out decorating their classrooms?

Alice is making you do that whether you want to or not

She’s buying all of the streamers, decorations, and posters she can find

She has so much fun with it

And she LOVES to dress you up in colorful outfits

If you’re a man or a woman or anything in between it doesn’t matter

Cause you are gonna wear this rainbow sweater no matter what

And I have a feeling she’s really good with kids too

She’s never had a really strong desire to have any, but she loves to hang out with them when they’re around

She helps out in your classroom as much as she can

And if that help is just making sure your streamers are up to fire code… who’s keeping track anyway

Jasper:

This man is scared of kids

There was one time where he was just walking through a park with Alice and a kid tripped and scraped his knee

He almost went ballistic

Kids are so unpredictable and such a danger to themselves and other kids

Way too prone to bleeding for him to be comfortable

So he’s always on edge around them

Not to mention he’s always awkward

He doesn’t know what to talk about

He was in your room once and a kid was trying to play with him and he just… sat there

Bro is lost

Tried talking about the weather to one of your kids once too

It’s best to keep him away

He’s more than willing to help decorate your room though

And grade tests if you’re getting a bit swamped

It’s just in everyone’s best interest if he’s only in your classroom after hours

Rosalie:

Do I even need to elaborate

She is THE woman for the job

We all know she loves kids, and if what we saw of her with Renesmee proves anything, she’s great with them too

So this is literally the perfect arrangement

She loves kids

She’s not able to be around kids often

You show up

You are literally an elementary school teacher

Perfect match

She comes over literally every time that she can

And since there’s nothing technically holding her back, that’s pretty often

She poses as your student teacher in order to be there all the time

Really, she’s great with them

And she loves it

And the fact that you love kids and are great with them too instantly puts you at #1 on her list

Emmett:

I feel like he’s also great with kids

They love him

I mean, when you’re a kid, what’s better than the guy who can swing you around

Very few things tbh

The boys in your class especially love him

They love arm wrestling or racing him

He lets them win of course

He mostly shows up at your classroom around recess

But hey at least he gets all of their energy out before they need to sit down more

He’s also not someone who dreams about having kids

But if you want them, then he’s all for it

As long as you’re either willing to adopt or willing to go through what Bella went through

But as for him, he’s okay with the little guys you have running around your classroom

Esme:

Another mother at heart

She loves kids

I mean, she’s dedicated her entire vampire life to being an adoptive mother to about 7 immortal kids

So she is more than willing to help you with anything you want

Your kids absolutely love her too

They always get excited when Mrs Esme comes to visit

She is the best at storytelling

She has their entire attention for as long as she spends talking

And she loves helping you decorate your room too

Of course, she also loves that you’re so good with kids

As someone who once had a child and now has so many “children,” it’s important to her that her partner loves kids

Any time you need help, she is there

And she is so excited to decorate your classroom

She brings in candy and food for every single holiday party

Your kids don’t need to provide a single thing

That might be why they all love her actually

Jk jk

She’s just so sweet how could you not

Carlisle:

He is also a guy who’s great with kids

I mean, when you’re one of the only doctors in a small town you kinda have to be good with all kinds of people

Kids love him too

He doesn’t even really need to try

He’s just sort of unbothered by whatever kids want to do to him

So if a kid wants to climb onto his back and pull his hair and sit on his head then he won’t stop them

It’s not like it hurts or anything, he’ll live

Obviously though, he can’t be at your classroom all of the time

Actually, he can’t even be there every once in a while

The clinic is pretty demanding

So he mostly just helps at home

The amount of times when he has graded your kids’ papers or printed off new worksheets for them while you were asleep is countless

He just tries to support you where he can

And of course his money is your money

You want to throw a birthday party for one of your students? Here’s his debit card, go crazy

Vampire! Bella:

She’s a reluctant person with kids

I mean, obviously she loves Renesmee, but aside from her, she’s never been good at dealing with kids

She’s just awkward around them

Sort of the same vibe as Jasper

Doesn’t know what to say to them

She was in your classroom and one of the kids was talking to her

So she just started talking about politics?

Even the kid was confused

But the problem is that kids love her

You don’t really know why, neither does she

But something about her just draws kids to her

She prefers to just help you out at home

But she gets frustrated too quick with the little kid writing

“What the hell is this supposed to say? I’m just gonna mark it wrong”

“Bella you can’t just do that-“

[starshinesluvr]

Think you can draw Edward/the riddler with deathstroke? I was always very curious on an interaction with these two 🤭 your art is amazing BTW 😝❤️

im also asking this anon for forgiveness since ive never drawn/consumed deathstroke media, so i apologize for any inaccuracies... (#×_×) BUT THANK U ALWAYS ANON!! THIS REQUEST WAS VERY FUN ♡♡ anyways, id like to think edward would find out about deathstroke on the news or something. hes intrigued, and could see him as a possible future ally, though he cant get as much information as hed like in the asylum. hed probably be heavily impressed, but not as much as he was when he first saw batman in action. (nothing compares to your first ex-idol and 'partner in crime' after all.) edwards unsure if hes trustworthy, but if he deems him able, hed love to get deathstrokes help on his newest plan to take down batman in these trying times... once hes out of course. ^_^)/

[rallentando1011]

Waddup!! Can I have a one where the turtles have a s/o with verbal Tourette’s tics that are just… hella rude. Like, I literally yell “Shut the fuck up, baldy” as one of my tics. 😭😭 Just rude things they don’t mean.

Thanks for the request! I've been working through 'em and having a fun time! (Guidelines are HERE btw)Just fyi, this is based on my personal experience and research. Please let me know if I have any inaccuracies or if there’s anything useful to add!

ROTTMNT Boys W/ Reader with Verbal Tics

Donnie:

Donnie stares

Not judgmentally, not emotionally at all for that matter, he just stares

Consider it his waiting period for his central processing unit to catch up

After a brief moment of registration, he nods and continues on with whatever conversation or demonstration or interaction was occurring before

Donnie directly lets you know that it is always okay for you to experience your tics

None of that trying-to-restrict-it-for-politeness’-sake business around here

When you feel uncomfortable or tense or just overall weird, he wants that you always feel comfortable to express whatever you need to in his presence

If you ever try to apologize for one of your tics, he bluntly asks, “What do you have to apologize for?”

He knows that it’s involuntary, that you have no genuine intention to say something flippant

He doesn’t expect an apology for that

Mikey:

Mikey immediately pales and pouts

That’s just his spontaneous reaction

His thought process is kind of just: Mean words? Mean words directed at me? They must mean it personally and I must be a terrible person and they must hate me and-

But then he realizes: Oh. Right.

And the bad thoughts stop flowing

If his reaction makes you think that he’s upset with you, he quickly assures you of the opposite

He didn’t mean to seem aghast

He was just surprised

So he reassures you that he would never, could never get mad at you for something out of your control

He loves all aspects of you and will always be your biggest supporter through anything and everything

Leo:

Leo’s pretty chill, pretty nonchalant about it

Normally he just moves along; that’s all one really can do

Sometimes, however, like if the tic occurs at a comically bad time, he laughs

Not just a normal giggle either

It’s the kind that one tries to stifle, but it bubbles up their throat and nose and actually ends up being significantly louder

Either that or he smirks

Although, if you feel like he’s poking fun at you, he fervently clarifies that he just found the timing funny, not you or your tics

He also apologizes profusely (if you’ve been looking for a favor from or leverage over him, now’s the time)

Leo feels slightly guilty if you happen to pick up a rude word or phrase from him

He also finds it objectively funny, only if you’re not upset by it, of course

Raph:

Raph instinctually mutters a “language” if he’s not paying much attention when he hears your tics

Pin it on his big-brotherly/motherly instincts

He hears a swear and/or vulgar language, he calls it out

After a moment of you just looking at him, he realizes his error

Quietly, Raph admits and says sorry for his mistake

Other times, he hears you and tilts his head, waiting for elaboration

His conversational awareness, at times, is shoddy, so he can use some help understanding whether or not you intended to say something or not

He’s not perturbed with you at all, no matter what you end up saying

He could never blame you for it, seeing as you have no volition in what your tics are, though he’ll do his best to educate himself on the topic, ask you about your triggers so he can avoid them, see if there’s anything he can do to help

Whatever you need, he’s got you

(side note: hey @nickelodeon #rottmnt is trending again/still)

[proofyouhearmysound]

Hello. I'm Sua, one of Mother Nigeh's human pets. I was 23 years old when I took part of ALIEN STAGE SEASON 50. However i lost Round 1. I'm not sure how I am able to use any social media as of now, since I'm... no longer alive, but it appears it's the only thing I can use to connect with the world of the living.

For reasons unknown to me, I'm unable to change my avatar and my header image. I apologize for the rather unsettling imagery.

I'm sorry, Mizi.

★ ! hiii, mod here!! i go by mai or chuu, ill be using the " ★ ! " when mod talking ^^ . any pronouns and gendered terms are fine btw. i also either type in full lowercase or uppercase, while sua will be writing with very VERY proper punctuation. its been a while since ive done roleplay, so im a bit rusty, forgive me if i do something wrong aha....

★ ! im a MINOR !!!!!!!!! please DONT SEND NSFW THINGS!!! it makes me really uncomfortable and weirded out!!!! also even if jokingly, please dont try to flirt with me either. ill try to depict sua as accurately as i can, but of course there still might be some inaccuracies, so please feel free to tell me if u think something is out of character ^^

★ ! this is a side blog from my main and i also have a life, so it might take a bit for me to post/answer.

★ ! for the tags, heres a little guide: "sua mail" is for anything that comes to sua's inbox, this does not cover messages for the mod. "sua interacts" is for reblogs. "sua speaks" is for general posts. " mod interacts !!! " and "mod speaks" arefor when i post something that is solely ooc. i might add, change or delete tags as i go on.

★ ! regarding what sua said about being unable to change her pfp and banner, its because since shes dead, it shows the true, state of mind? of the "owner" (character) of the account, and now she doesnt have the ability to modify her appearance, yk? its quite silly but i think its fun.

[celestiarambles]

You Can’t Catch Me Now

trigger warning: suicide, overdose, hospitalization, psychiatric hospitals, mental disorders

hi i broke down yesterday so i wrote this… now i’m sobbing once again, but now it’s because of angela xD

this takes place in canon btw, but the fic kinda details it enough (i hope haha)

also, i’m not a big fan of listening to music while reading, but i recommend listening to you can’t catch me now by olivia rodrigo while reading this because i listened to it while writing this fic haha

i apologize if there are any inaccuracies, i hope you enjoy!

Summary: Years of grief and guilt has made Angela believe that she is a horrible human being; a monster… or at least she thought so.

Also cross-posted on Ao3: You Can’t Catch Me Now - celestiamirasol - Criminal Case (Video Game) [Archive of Our Own]

Angela thought she was dead.

She thought she was dead when her 8-year-old self ran through the forest of Kyushu Island, desperately trying to find something, somewhere to hide. 

She wasn’t strong enough for this, and they were looking for someone strong. Someone who could survive.

Thankfully, she found a closet in an abandoned building. She hid herself there for god knows how long, shaking, sobbing, listening to the bloodshed and cries that she could hear from afar.

2 recruits left. Her blood ran cold when she heard the intercom. It was only her and -

The closet door flung open. A girl who seemed older than her, probably in her teenage years stood in front of her, holding a huge rifle. Tears stained the girl’s cheeks, her hair a mess as she stared at a young Angela. 

And then the girl pointed the gun at her own forehead.

”Y-you probably have s-so much ahead of you…” The girl cried… and she pulled the trigger.

Angela thought she was dead when her 29-year-old self went to face her adoptive parents once and for all. When she wanted to put a stop to all of this.

“You know that you can’t marry someone else outside of SOMBRA, Angela.” A woman that she called mother - an endearment that left an odd taste in her mouth - scoffed at her.

”Oh, I know.” Angela took a sip of water. They were talking about this over dinner. “But I’m not asking for your blessing. I’m just leaving you a warning; if you ever try to hurt him -“

“Cheon-sa!” Her adoptive ‘father’ gave an eerie chuckle. If anything else, she hated her birth name. It reminded her about who she truly is… and what she lost. “Don’t worry, he seems like a nice fellow.” He took her hand. “Maybe you could introduce -“

“No, I’m not going to let you meet him, and I’m not going to let you recruit him!” She stood up, slamming her fists at the table. Her outburst earned her a slap from her ‘mother’. That was the first time they ever hit her.

“You ungrateful brat!” The woman pulled her hair. Angela was a grown adult, but she felt like that same 8-year old girl who lost her real parents all over again. “We raised you, fed you, dressed you, gave you an education… a life… and this is how you’ll repay us?!”

Fear pooled in her eyes when her ‘father’ stood up and calmly took out his prized gun that he had on display. It clicked. She was definitely that same girl who ran through Kyushu Island. It was her all along. “Cheon-sa… you’re a good girl. A smart one, even. You should reconsider this. Surely, you’re not going to throw away everything we’ve worked so hard for just for some guy… right?”

No. She definitely was the same girl, but girls grow up. They fight. And in this moment, she knew that she had to fight. “Lars isn’t just some guy!” Angela yelled, pushing the woman who held her. Her ‘mother’. “Unlike you, he has integrity! He’s smart and kind and has treated me like a family more than you did over the past few years!”

“ENOUGH!” Her ‘father’ shouted, firing a hollow shot at her. There were no bullets in that gun. Angela took that cue to run. To leave. She left Busan that night, weeping.

SOMBRA - her adoptive parents - told her that the strong rule and the weak die. Crying was weak. She wiped her tears. She had to be strong. Not for SOMBRA, but for Lars. For her family.

And thus, she never left. She stayed to protect Lars. Her family.

She thought she was dead when her 41-year-old self survived that plane crash that targeted the Bureau. That targeted her and her family.

She knew her efforts trying to sabotage the Bureau weren’t enough. But deep inside, she cared for them. Lars saw them as family, so she began to see them as a family too, especially during the times when they’ve put up with her daughters’ shenanigans, comforted her during the times she was down, supported all of her achievements and all of her crazy hobbies. They made her feel like a little girl again, freely exploring, healing the childhood that she lost.

However, she was not a little girl anymore. She had to prove herself. To fight.

And she paid the price heavily.

During her time in prison, guilt wrecked her for months. Her arrest made her realize that she wasn’t a lost and scared little girl, nor she wasn’t a woman who knew how to fight. She was a monster. 

And like the fairytales that she would read to her kids to make them fall asleep, monsters had to die.

So when SOMBRA broke her out, told her to bomb the Bureau, her family… She had to accept. But she had to go down with them. 

She snuck through the Bureau’s break room, planting the bomb while drunk. After planting it, she took another shot of whiskey. She is a monster through and through. She is SOMBRA. 

She thought she was dead when she planted that bomb. She thought she was going to kill herself along with the Bureau that day, but the agents caught her and brought her back to prison. And instead, Jonah was the one who took the hit.

Deep inside, she was thankful that the Bureau didn’t get hurt, that no one died due to the bomb she planted. That they had finally stopped SOMBRA. But she was still a monster. She killed someone and betrayed the Bureau. Tried to kill them, even. She tried to kill her family. 

SOMBRA may now be over, but she was still SOMBRA through and through. A monster. And monsters didn’t deserve a loving family.

She pushed them away. She made them believe that she was angry, full of hatred… she even told them that Dupont deserved to die… but she didn’t mean anything that she said. She was that same little girl in Kyushu that was begging for help. That was begging to be saved. 

But she believed that she was a lost cause. She cannot be saved anymore.

She thought she was dead when she drank a whole bottle of sleeping pills the night she returned to prison. She wanted to end everything. Her time in this world was now done anyway. She lost her purpose, everything she had worked so hard for, her family. The world hated her. The people she loves hated her. 

Still, she was a villain. A monster. And monsters didn’t deserve anything good in this life.

But instead of something else, probably the burning pits of hell, she found herself in a dreary hospital room when she woke up. On one side was a beeping heart monitor, and the other was a fresh bouquet of flowers.

Her heart thudded. She wanted to scream, cry, get out of here. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve this life.

A doctor entered the room, eyes widening once he saw her sitting up. “It’s good to see you awake, Mrs. Douglas. You’ve been in a coma for three years.”

Tears fell down her cheeks when she heard that surname. It reminded her of the girl she could’ve been. All this time, even when Lars said that he didn’t love her anymore, that he vowed to never see her again… he still never divorced her. 

No. He should hate her. Despise her. She didn’t deserve him.

Due to the thoughts running in her mind, she didn’t understand what the doctor was saying about her. All that she understood is that she won’t be returning to prison anymore. They were taking her to a psychiatric hospital.

She didn’t know who thought that she was still worth redeeming. She didn’t deserve empathy, not even pity. She was a monster. 

A therapist told her that she had a severe case of bipolar disorder and PTSD. They said that she was also admitted to a psychiatric hospital in Australia, which made her break down. Of all the places, why here? Why in the place where she once believed that she could run away from all of this, to just live a normal life?

Even though they told her that she wasn’t responsible for her actions, that she was brainwashed, manipulated by SOMBRA, she couldn’t believe them. How could she? She still did what she did, and she had to pay the price. Her family hated her. She did all of them on her own accord.

A year later, her therapist told her she had a visitor. She didn’t want to believe them. However, standing behind the therapist was Lars, wearing a visitation badge. 

He excused the therapist so he could enter the room. “Hi. How are you -“

Angela started to cry. Why was he here? Why was he like this? She didn’t deserve him. She wanted to push him away… but she couldn’t find the strength to.

Lars glanced at the therapist and then hugged her. “Hey, shh, it’s alright…”

“W-why are you here?” She managed to speak in between sobs. “You hate me.”

”Shh, I don’t hate you.” He whispered and then turned to the therapist. “Could you… give us a moment?”

The therapist nodded. “I’ll be nearby if you need anything.”

Once they left, he continued to comfort his wife. “I brought flowers, but they didn’t allow me to give them to you.”

”Why are you doing this?” She quietly asked. “I ruined everything… I tried to kill you… the Bureau… I killed someone…”

“Angela…” A tear fell down his eye. “I’ll admit that I wanted to hate you. I wanted to forget you. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.”

“But why didn’t you?!” She cried, turning her back on him. “I’m a terrible person, Lars…”

He had to choose his words for a moment. After a while, he spoke. “The prison told me you… overdosed. I was angry at you, but I was also worried. I honestly… didn’t want to lose you. I remember you said SOMBRA took you in when you were eight… That made me think and review your case.”

”That doesn’t excuse anything…”

”No, listen.” He took her hand, making her face him once again. “The Bureau was disbanded already, so while you were in a coma, I hired a private investigator to investigate your early life and your ties with SOMBRA. They manipulated you, Angela… they abused you emotionally… something was wrong. I even asked Marina for help, and she agreed with me. She and I petitioned the court to review your case once again, I pleaded that you were not criminally responsible for what you did.”

”But I am, Lars! I killed someone! I have a long list of crimes that I have to pay for!”

”Your sickness and trauma are to blame, Angela. Not you. SOMBRA is to blame.” He brought his hand to her cheek to wipe her tears. “The private investigator found your adoptive parents, and I met with them… in jail.”

“You’re not supposed to meet them, they’re dangerous! I made sure of that…”

“Shh, I chose to meet with them, okay? They told me how you fought for me… for us…” He started to cry as well, tears continuously streaming down. “I remember how you told me that marrying me was the first time you disobeyed SOMBRA. So this time… I wanted to be the one to fight for you.”

“But… no…” Angela pulled away in disbelief. “I am SOMBRA. You shouldn’t… You and the girls deserve a better life… a life without me…”

“Hey… SOMBRA’s over, remember?” He smiled at her, his voice breaking. “They’ve been gone for years now. You’re not SOMBRA anymore. You’re free.”

She remembered how she heard that the Bureau took down SOMBRA. How she silently rejoiced. How all her fears and worries came to an end. She knew that Lars was right about one thing; she was free.

”Oh -“ Lars stopped upon seeing her break down again. “Can I hug you again?”

He didn’t have to ask her twice. She threw her arms around him, crying. They both cried together for who knows how long. 

“I shouldn’t be telling you this, but…” Lars sobbed. “I tried to move on, to find someone else… but they were just not you.”

“I honestly don’t blame you…” Angela knew that he deserved to be happy. Even if it meant that she was not the source of his happiness anymore.

”I’m also seeking help, y’know. What happened to you hurt me horribly. There was a point where I visited you everyday in the hospital, and the nurses scolded me for bringing you so many flowers…” He laughed in between tears. “When I heard that you woke up, I wanted to visit you, but the doctors didn’t let me. They said you were unstable. Then I requested them to transfer you here, but they still didn’t let me see you! This was the first time that they let me. I sent you letters instead, by the way… my therapist suggested it.”

She recalled the letters her therapist gave her. She broke away for a moment to get a box of papers hidden under her bed. They said they were from Lars, but she refused to believe them. “So they were really from you… I’m sorry, I thought that… I didn’t…”

”It’s okay, I understand.” He helped her with the box and they both carried it to the bed. “They’re also not letting the girls see you since they’re still young. But they’ve grown so much.”

”The… girls?” She would understand if her daughters hated her, if they didn’t consider her as their mother anymore. She understood if she was dead to them, mourning, grieving, but most likely hating her. She disappeared from their life at such a young age. Like her real parents did. 

“Yes, I’ve been trying to explain your situation to them. They’ve been having a hard time understanding it…”  They both looked at each other’s eyes. “But they still miss you. I miss you.”

For the first time in a while, Angela smiled. “I miss you too.”

“I love you, okay? I hope you’ll always remember that.”

In that afternoon, Angela rummaged through the papers, reading them with Lars one by one. Some made her laugh, some made her cry.

But at that moment, she realized that she was not dead. She was very, very much alive. And for once, she didn’t have to fight alone.

[starlightkun]

buzzer beater ❧ teaser [sungchan]

❧ word count: 1028 | full fic: 22.0k ❧ warnings: just cursing for the teaser, everything i know about hockey is from internet research for this fic i’m sorry for any inaccuracies i tried not to put in a lot of specifics lmao ❧ genre: fluff, gets quite suggestive (a heavy makeout scene/near sex scene) but no actual smut, college au, hockey captain sungchan, chronically ill reader (chronic migraines), halloween-themed at the beginning, sungchan’s not a frat boy but he’s like... a frat boy by association ❧ extra info: the ages/relative ages of the members in here are whatever i want them to be, don’t read into it too much. this is a very usamerican-centric take on a college au (greek life, collegiate sports, etc.) btw. also i call kunhang ‘hendery’ in here like it’s his government name for a one-line gag bc i think i’m hilarious (and i am <;3) the reader in this has chronic migraines, which i also have. when the reader’s migraines, experiences as a chronically ill person, and thoughts about being chronically ill are described, that is me writing directly from my own life. i am not a spokesperson for chronic migraines (lol) and am not generalizing the lives of all people with chronic migraines and chronic illness, as we are all different. but i am sending all my love to any readers out there living with a chronic illness, and here’s a reminder to go take your meds!! ❧ estimate release: saturday, october 14, 2023 2:00 p.m. eastern time

“Anyway, your turn,” you tapped his knee with your book before putting it back in your bag.

“For what?”

“To expand my horizons of you. All I know about you is that you’re the hockey captain, and a Bio major who took a gothic fiction class one time like three years ago. Show me you’re a multifaceted individual, too.”

“Uhm, that’s about it.”

“Oh come on, Sungchan.”

“No really, if I’m not on the ice, I’m in class; if I’m not in class, I’m with my team; and if I’m not with my team, I’m studying.”

“You’re here, right now,” you pointed out. “Last I checked I’m not on your hockey team, and we’re not studying. You have to do one thing that’s not for school or hockey. My thing was just watching Pacific Rim this one time, remember?”

“Alright…” he paused to think, fingers tapping along his thighs. “I used to play the piano.”

“Past tense, but I’ll accept it. When did you stop?”

“High school? Around when piano lessons and hockey practice started conflicting.”

“And you chose hockey?” You asked, hoping it didn’t sound judgmental. You really were just curious, trying to understand him.

“Actually, the choice was made for me.” He held his right hand out in front of you, and it was then that you saw his pinky finger was unnaturally crooked as he pointed to the digit. “I broke it in a game without even realizing it. Bruises and stiffness sometimes are normal so me and my parents didn’t know anything was up until weeks later when I was fucking up all the notes at my piano lessons because it still hurt. By the time I finally saw a doctor and got a splint on it, it set up wrong. All dexterity for piano out the window. Hockey on the other hand… guys have done a lot more with a lot less.”

You couldn’t help but curiously run a gentle fingertip over the crook in his pinky. “Does it hurt at all? Now?”

“Not really.” He went to bend and flex the fingers of his right hand, and you saw how the fifth finger didn’t curl up as much as the others. “It’s just a lot stiffer. Doesn’t bother me all that much.”

He brought his left hand up and wiggled the fingers on that hand. “Besides, I’m a lefty anyway.”

“So—apologies if this sounds like a stupid question to you, I don’t know anything about hockey—are there like, different hockey sticks for left-handed and right-handed players?”

Sungchan immediately broke into snickers, and you set down your mug to cross your arms over your chest indignantly.

“Hey, I didn’t laugh at you for not knowing what death of the author was—”

“I wasn’t making fun of you, I’m sorry,” he covered his mouth. “That was just… too cute. Uhm yes, there are lefty and righty sticks.”

You had to bite down your bottom lip to not smile at him calling you cute, and instead keep up your ruse of being offended. “I feel patronized.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” There was still a hint of a giggle in his tone, and you felt your self-righteous façade slip away as he continued, “You should come to a game, then, if you really want to broaden your horizons. The season just started. First home game is this Thursday, actually. 7:00 p.m. and students get free admission with your student ID.”

“Thursday?”

“Fridays are for basketball, Saturdays are for football.”

“Oh. Right.”

“You don’t go to those games either, do you?”

“Oh no, did I make it obvious?” You asked sarcastically.

“A bit,” Sungchan jested back.

Outside the window visible past Sungchan, the rain had let up a few minutes ago, and you briefly glanced over at your laptop for the time. Shit, your next alarm was going to be going off soon. If you left now, you should be home at roughly the right time for your next dose.

Clicking your tongue, you started packing up your things, “Well, looks like the rain’s finally let up enough to allow me safe passage. That’s my cue.”

“Oh.” The hockey player with you looked over his shoulder at the newly sunny day outside before turning back to watch you put your things away.

“Are you heading out too?” You nodded to his empty cup.

“I’ve uh, got some homework to do.”

“Guess this is where we part ways then.”

“Um, you didn’t say if you were going. To the game.”

You tucked your chin to your chest to hide your smitten smile as you put your laptop in your bag. Typically just asking for the details would’ve been taken for a yes, but Sungchan wanted extra confirmation. This boy wasn’t good for your heart, truly.

Turning back to him, you gave him a firm and nearly business-like nod. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

A bright grin lit up his features. “Okay! Great! Uhm, feel free to bring some friends, I know just sitting in the stands by yourself might be lonely.”

“I’ll see if I can drag somebody else out. It’ll be a tall order, though. Literature majors, you know, we prefer our Shakesperean poetry readings.”

“Oh, well—”

“I’m kidding,” you laughed and stood then, slinging your tote onto your shoulder. “Honestly, have you seen Chenle at a rager? Boy can drink twice his body weight I swear. He shouldn’t, but he can.”

Before you could reach for your cup and saucer to buss your place, the hockey captain spoke up, “I’ll take care of your mug, don’t worry.”

“Oh, thanks, Sungchan! I’ll see you Thursday then.”

“Bye…” Sungchan trailed off, watching the door long after it had closed behind you.

He didn’t actually have any homework to do, and scrolled on his phone for a few minutes to make sure you were out of the area before leaving himself. He grabbed his long-empty plastic cup and your mug. His went in the trash, and as he went to put yours up with the other dishes and trays, his eyes were caught by the iridescent glitters left behind on the rim by your lip gloss.

⤷ blog masterlist

[spontaneousglitterbees]

It's been mentioned that Kokichi has some phantom pains and he has clear mobility issues (love that btw as someone who uses a cane), so I was curious how the rest of the class is doing in that regard. Does Kaito ever struggle to breathe or have coughing fits? Do Rantaro and Angie get migraines?

[Talent Acquisition Pilot Program AU Masterpost]

This one. This one got away from me.

tl;dr: Absolutely, Anon, we are on very similar pages! This ask really got me thinking about how the whole TAPP!cast is doing fresh out of the Killing Game. Every student in Class 79 is going through something, about now, be it physical or mental; in fact, it’s usually both.

Also: for sure, I want to try and be relatively true-to-life with their struggles, especially Kokichi’s. I write from personal experience living with chronic pain, but haven’t used a cane before. Apologies if I miss the mark at any point.

Obligatory disclaimer: I am not a healthcare professional of any kind and the AU’s premise is largely sci-fi, so there may be inaccuracies. That said, I am fascinated with biomechanics and always looking to learn, so I’m trying to keep things at least semi-plausible.

Full spoilers for Danganronpa V3 (and some for the end of SDR2) ahead!

Very Long Loredump (~6.2k words) under the cut:

HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?

Everyone is traumatized. That much is obvious, sure, but the Talent Acquisition Pilot Program (TAPP) is a virtual reality simulator based on the bones of the Neo World Program (NWP). In much the way SDR2’s NWP is purported to replicate death in the simulation in the players’ real bodies, the TAPP simulation is built to alter the brain chemistry of its participants. TAPP builds muscle memory and ‘burns’ new neural pathways to a participant’s Default Mode Network (DMN), a collective term for parts of the brain responsible for letting us “autopilot” common tasks like riding a bike or typing on a keyboard. The V3 cast’s experiences in the simulation impact their real bodies in a very literal sense to ‘speedrun’ them through orientation at Hope’s Peak and mainstream them in the curriculum as quickly as possible so its researchers can start collecting useful data on the merits of HPA for investors.

The problem is, nobody programming TAPP anticipated they would start killing each other.

Class 79 were the first human test subjects for the program with zero peer review or board approval, of course, because HPA is morally dubious and can pass off “dude, trust me” as genuine credentials to several world governments. Even if this massive oversight was not noticed until after the fact, V1 of TAPP did at least include one quasi-safety feature: if any player became ��significantly injured”, that player would be ejected from the simulation. Everyone else would be locked in the simulation (in case one of them was involved and tried to evade consequences) until an administrator could come and manually assess the situation. In theory, the physically-unharmed student could rejoin the simulation once the conflict was resolved.

But TAPP was built to write data to the brain. It was not built to identify what data it’s actually writing, and cannot differentiate between playing the piano and getting smashed in a hydraulic press. Data is data.

It does not help that Team Danganronpa (the group of Reserve Course kids, including Tsumugi) are foolish teenagers entirely unaware of this, assuming that “none of it is real, so none of it will actually matter! we’re just scaring them!” While skimming through the code and thoroughly Knowing Not What They Do, they manage to remove any defined cap for what constitutes ‘significant injury’ before player ejection. The only flag that can set it off is a lack of any other player flags. Virtual death.

This is where Rantaro earns the title of “Ultimate Survivor”. The shotput ball put him down too quickly for the damage to be fully reflected in his physical body, so he managed to get ejected with post-concussive symptoms, short-term memory issues, and persistent migraines instead of fully dying. Were his method of death much slower, he’d likely have been screwed (and wouldn’t have Komaeda’s luck cycle to save him).

Time scales differently in TAPP than in the physical world; while Rantaro’s been at the virtual Academy for several days, the students have been strapped in their pods for a few hours at most. Between the Responsible Older Sibling Energy seared over the person he may have been before and an extant knack for escape room puzzles, Amami is The Man with the skills and motivation to call in backup.

It’s a good thing he did, too! Their “observer”, having tired of watching a bunch of students play the piano and run around outside, only figures out something has gone horribly wrong the moment Rantaro practically busts down the door. The next tense hour-plus is spent doing damage control and imposing limits on the code of the simulation to prevent TAPP from letting the students actually die. Unfortunately, the TDR kids and their takeover took a sizeable chunk out of the spaghetti code holding the whole thing together in their haste. TDR, with proposed talents like Ultimate Cosplayer on their side, are primarily concerned with artistry and are only competent-enough programmers. As a result, there is no obvious way to manually override the lock completely and just let the students out without significant defragging, even as TDR members are still actively messing with the code, and who knows how long that will take. (About 6-ish chapters)

Instead, for now, they’ll have to settle for putting as many programming-adjacent talents as possible on the case and exploit a loophole that panicking overseer managed to write: if the remaining students are systematically ejected, the program will bypass the lock and let them out. During the rescue operation, the main objective is first to minimize the physical damage TAPP can inflict by lowering the tolerance required to eject the students (which is easier said than done) and by dampening its neural-carving functions, then to get everyone left out of there.

It is a very good thing they sprung into action as quickly as they did, as it doesn’t take long for Kaede to arrive.

KAEDE

The first thing Kaede notices coming out of the simulation is that she can’t hum the notes to get back on-pitch after the worst rendition of Der Flohwalzer she has ever heard. The second thing she notices, because it is far easier to be angry about something trivial than face the slow-dawning realization you are having, is that she can only barely speak. It hurts.

I think Kaede learns to sign early on, but still finds herself trying to speak aloud anyway since she’s so used to having her hands busy already playing piano. Shuichi often reminds her to take it easy, treat it like a vocal rest, and steadily she begins to improve. She is as exuberant as ever, with determination fitting of our protagonist. Kaede is the Class 79 representative, though with his renewed confidence Shuichi often accompanies her. Not only are they best friends (though it is strange, at first, to see her alive after spending so long grieving. Kaede last saw him, like, yesterday.) and Kaede will inevitably tell Shuichi all about the meeting anyway so why not cut out the middle man,  but Shuichi initially came specifically to speak at meetings so Kaede wouldn’t strain her voice. She is immensely proud.

RANTARO (PT. 2)

Rantaro doesn’t hold the shotput ball against her; desperate times, and all. It made sense her proactive attitude would make her first to act for the ‘greater good’. She aimed to end the whole thing, not just comply. Even if she swung and missed, he (an older brother with faint recollections of failing to protect the people depending on him and guilt knowing he doesn’t have the stomach to take a victim and thus will be failing people in need of protection again) can’t fault her for swinging. She is confused when he asks her how she launched the ball that hard, though. Odd.

TENKO

Tenko has neck pain issues like Kaede, but hers are more acute. The seesaw effect was heinous but relatively precise; as the magnum opus of TDR’s homebrewed serial killer, they un/fortunately made him pretty good at it when he has a plan. Tenko has some of the least devastating lingering physical injuries of the class. Given the severity of her classmates’ injuries, though, that still leaves her with minor vocal strain, susceptibility to sore throats, and severe neck pain, among other things.

A lot of Tenko’s lingering trauma is mental: she isn’t quite as willing to immediately throw herself into the fray to help her friends, and certainly doesn’t want to leave her back exposed (a tendency she shares with Kokichi, of all people). While it did numbers on her perception of men again for a while, hearing about the trial left her with a lot to reconcile. In a ‘cool-motive-still-murder’ way, she does not forgive Kiyo (nor is she obligated to) but doesn’t hate him as much as she expected, either. Processing the idea that a girl could be horribly abusive, especially to a guy, and catalyze a cycle of violence… gets to her. She’s more wrapped up in the tragedy of the entire situation than the righteous indignation that’d fueled her for so long. Everybody lost that day.

She’s pleasantly surprised to see Himiko trying to lift her spirits now. Those two have a lot to talk about and boundaries to set, yes, but Tenko is still touched Himiko took her words to heart and seems to be benefiting from it.

ANGIE

Angie had bit more complicated situation than Tenko, getting KO’d before the fatal blow. Her migraines come on more often than Rantaro’s with high light, which is a special kind of awful for the SHSL Artist, but they’re generally closer to a dull ache. Once she gets going on a project she sets out to grin and bear it; Tenko and Himiko often check up on her. She does her best to stay just as upbeat as in the simulation, and if anything it seems more genuine now. She can actually relax, rather than mind-game her way to relative (unsteady) peace under duress.

(Angie is really interesting to me for many adjacent reasons to Kokichi, since they’re both willing to get morally gray and manipulative if it’ll keep everyone from killing each other. Angie-Kokichi compare contrast essay when?)

She hasn’t “forgiven” Kiyo either, but isn’t hostile while she evaluates whether or not his conviction in getting help and being better is genuine. She was pretty heavily affected by TDR’s “character rewrites” as well, after all, and empathizes with the feeling you’ve been used as a glorified dress-up doll. To some unknowable extent, she is a different person now, and it is frightening.

She’s trying to step back and re-analyze her sense of spirituality, particularly how it relates to her art. It’s existentially harrowing, having been made to toe the line between faith and fronting to either get people to either listen to her or not see her as a threat. She’s not even positive “Kami-sama” (not going with the localization here, my understanding is the Japanese version was deliberately more generic and at least a bit less disrespectful towards real people and their beliefs) is the same deity she’d believed in before TAPP, but it’s difficult to try and reconnect with your roots when none of you have any information on your previous lives.

They do, at least, have a resident anthropologist that might have a clue how to even start looking.

Hah. They sure do, huh.

I think Angie is the type to nominally forgive and never, ever forget. She holds the kind of grudge that lives beyond logic as all the compartmentalized emotions you don’t want to admit you have. A grudge that co-exists with an active desire to move on and seeps into her art.

KOREKIYO

Kiyo got burned.

Alive.

Also dead, somehow, an extension of the Ultimate Placebo Effect we have going on in the simulation; Kiyo was so certain ghosts were real and he’d be one that, through earnest conviction, the simulation made it so. I think this is how Komaeda’s luck works in SDR2 as well; the original Neo World Program was developed for therapy, and in doing so assesses whether or not it would be completely devastating (do more harm than good) to actively disprove something about the patient’s worldview at that time and adapts the environment accordingly. Hence you get a reality-warping luck cycle and ghosts are Definitely Real. Is either true in the outside world? No idea! Komaru talks to a ghost in UDG, once, but considering it’s unclear if Kiyo’s sister was ever a living person to begin with there are bigger fish to fry.

Or not. He’s pretty damn-well aware much that hurts. Or at least being boiled and seasoned does. Going by that kind of simulator-logic, I think in a technical sense it was the salt that killed him, not the torture. There’s probably something to unpack there I haven’t fully explored yet.

Rumors start going around campus that Kiyo is a vampire. It makes enough sense for watercooler gossip, the mask covering up fangs and an aversion to lingering out in the sun; Class 79 knows it’s actually because sunburn, for him, is a new brand of Unfun. He prefers to hole up in the library or his lab anyway, so it could be worse. He’s honestly kind of into becoming a school cryptid. It helps transition him from “avoiding my classmates and other people because they hate me, i also hate me, and we are all correct to do so. i am an extension of her so it does not matter what i want” towards “i am not my past, i cannot make up for what ive done but i can move forward and be better, i am forging a new self and it is mine this time and it always should have been”.

(Kokichi is particularly proud of having kickstarted the cryptid thing. Of course Shinguji would love to watch the evolution of new local lore in real time! Now he doesn’t mope in the corner half as much. He’s still in the corner, granted, but its probably reading while Rantaro sits next to him on his phone instead of moping!)

Kiyo’s also in therapy now. They all have therapy scheduled into their school weeks, but Kiyo has a session besides. Fabrication or not, everyone’s backstories are functionally now ‘real’ and need to be dealt with. Kiyo, Maki, and Kokichi got hit particularly hard on that front. Those scars run deep, but are starting to heal.

Of the students with whole-body injuries, Kiyo probably has the most manageable physical symptoms at this stage. He has to have long sleeves and generally keep as covered as he can so that he can subdue the part of his mind that expects the skin is still raw and flaking (it isn’t, but phantom sensations suck). Overheating pushes him toward a panic state like the end of his trial, which doesn’t exactly gel with the first point, but he’s working on it. Rantaro and Kokichi, occasionally Shuichi, tend to notice and start to defuse the situation. Part of me wonders if he’d have a black lace parasol on sunny days to lean in to the ‘mystery’ around him, plus for the sheer Aesthetic of it.

KIRUMI

Speaking of full-body injuries: Kirumi. She has similar ‘got-to-keep-covered’ issues to Kiyo, particularly wearing heavier work gloves now just to minimize any potential for cuts (and, in the back of her mind, ropeburn). Breaking several bones on impact was rough, though fast enough that she’s had remarkable improvement in a relatively short period of time. She started out on crutches, which made it difficult for her to keep up with her workaholic inclinations, but unlike some of the other students she has at least an idea of “when to quit” as not to make things worse. She’s still genuinely lost some bone density resulting from her treatment and coping methods, finding that she really does need to lean on her friends on occasion, but she is still resolute she is a care-giver, damn it. On both physical and mental fronts she’s dealing with reclaiming her agency and independence.

Kirumi is one of the few, with Maki, whose talent courses actively discourage the kinds of behavior they need for personal growth and mental health maintenance. Kirumi is still reconciling her “rewrite”, the encoded passivity in her and clash of her “selfless devotion” against her own will to live and thrive, a nightmarish reminder that You Are Not Your Own. The “Ultimate” maid needs to be agreeable, to follow orders, and hasn’t the tampering just improved her proficiency at her craft? Why be so upset? Never mind having to reconstruct her proper ability to tell people “no”, having to re-learn it’s okay to do things for yourself; according to her programmed instinct, her classes, those very things are antithetical to her talent. And everything relies on that talent, doesn’t it?

Kirumi and Kokichi are the two in Class 79 who were discharged with mobility devices that got students in the other classes… more than mildly concerned about what the hell happened to all of these freshmen (well, first year at HPA anyway), but luckily for HPA administration they’re also probably the two people least likely to offer details.

THE RIBS

There are enough students who have chest pain and associated issues that they made a club about it. It started out as Miu, Ryoma, and Kaito all independently concluding there was no way in hell they were making it through a mile run and sitting on the bleachers. Once they’d had an opportunity to gather themselves again, they do as teens are wont to do and started talking to each other. Hypoxia is an oddly effective experience to bond over. They call themselves the RIBs, standing for “Respiratory-Issue Beleaguered” (students), mostly because it made Miu laugh and for as irritating as the sound could be they’d missed it.

Kaede, Tenko, Gonta, and Kokichi also stop by from time-to-time, meaning precisely half of the 14 active Class 79 students revolving-door through this unofficial student group. HPA took notice. Class 79 has its own gym class, now, taking into account the state of everyone. One could argue that should have been the case from the onset. They would be correct.

RYOMA

Ryoma is fairly elusive. He generally keeps to himself and remains a Fairly Chill Guy with a cool temperament everyone wants to emulate (he doesn’t see what they see in him) and some Complicated Feelings now knowing he hasn’t killed anyone in the certified Real World and, by logic, should not have to have the memories of a hardened prisoner. He still does.  The persistent rasp in his voice now surprises nobody, but it took a few days for everyone in the class to stop flinching a little hearing it. He frequently hangs out in the animal shed with Gonta, Gundham, and Peko to take care of the cats.

MIU

We’ve seen quite a bit of Miu in the AU so far, but to recap a lot of her deal:

She loathes having to “take it easy” but will do so reluctantly

She tries to talk less to stretch out her working time as much as she can (even if she can’t resist just a little banter when Kokichi swings by)

She’s trying to approach her death with a sense of humor. A choker with a huge heart-shaped buckle replaces her usual necklaces with full awareness of the irony. Ha-ha, a choker. It’s a dare for anybody to bring it up, ‘I’ve said it before anyone else could’. The first thing she did waking up was try and make an autoerotic asphyxiation joke. It did not make her feel better like she thought it would.

Miu spends most of her time in her lab, now. Granted, she did that already, but she’s particularly fixated on re-creating a certain Ultimate Robot, ground-up if she has to. Fortunately, she has a team assembled (re: two upperclassmen and the Ultimate Supreme Shit-for-brains). We’ll see how this pans out soon enough.

When not re-building Kiibo outright, she ““takes a break”” innovating in other areas (re: prototyping potential features for kIIbo, usually testing them on a bored Kokichi. He usually complies because Miu is one of the few who doesn’t look at him with a patronizing amount of pity she’s Not boring. Mm-hmm. All there is to it.)

Miu does not resent Gonta (or Kokichi, for that matter) for killing her. There's a small extent to which she's a little relieved she was stopped from going through with her plan to kill Kokichi, and a much bigger disconnect between her idea of reality and her memory of Chapter 4. Miu died in a VR game within another VR game. Having messed around with the programming and guts of the nested simulation personally, it still seems fake. She didn't really die, no matter how real it felt; they were in a simulation. Logically, she's well aware of how it works and the consequences, but it doesn't feel like it was more than a glorified fever dream on an emotional level. Both Gonta and Kokichi are more outwardly traumatized by her death than Miu as a byproduct of how she's processing it. She's not "better off" or "less impacted" so much as "disassociated from the whole thing and very much wanting to put it behind them before it catches up with her", thus burying herself in work and trying as hard as she can to bring back the one person she wants to comfort her.

Kiibo's absence is not great for her abandonment issues. It is hard to blame him when he never had a physical body to begin with, though. 

GONTA

Gonta is also with the RIBs, and reeling from it the most visibly of everyone on account of just how. Much, his death was. An allergic reaction blocking off the air, puncturing at least one lung for certain, and living long enough to feel the shrapnel of the laptop lodge into the wound alongside the scythe, the fire quickly eating away any oxygen, any hope of gasping another breath… yeah no he acts as much the gentleman as ever but he is not okay. As Resident Buff Nature Boy Gonta tanked it better than anyone else in the class could have, but the sheer excess of the thing gets to him. Fond memories of setting a campfire in the woods with his adoptive family are overwritten, vespidae in general… hitting differently. But Gonta is kind, to a fault. More resolute than ever to make himself into a kind of person not perceived as ‘too intimidating’ to be friends with, acknowledging the capacity he has for violence is difficult. Somewhere deep down he knows that everybody does, especially in their circumstances, but still acts as though his case is exceptionally bad (nobody else does. This does not deter him, becoming a little less gullible when its least helpful).

He is also not as disconcerted by the occasional spontaneous sensation that your insides are going to lose structural integrity, even with no stitches to pop, that with only the damaged wake and no piercing sharp pain to focus on and blame for the mess could potentially be perceived as a bizarre, abstracted kind of crawling feeling from the inside-out. Things in motion, displaced from where they are meant to be. He knows it isn’t bugs, isn’t glass and metal and plastic, that it isn’t anything but himself. A teeny-tiny part of him wishes it were. At least being shelter for a hive of some sort would be helpful. Aren’t gentlemen helpful, they improve life for people, make things better and how could anyone even look at you again knowing what you’re capable of, who in their right mind would talk to you, you’re going to end up alone again talking to stray cats in the alley since not even the wolves would stay—

Gonta also has extra therapy. He already had to work out self-worth issues, but the game pushed them to interfere too much in daily life not to actively work on.

KAITO

Kaito has made several background and supporting appearances without much central attention just yet. It's not that I don't like him or anything (I do!) but I guess because it seems like well-worn territory in V3 fic to me? Kaito is endlessly proud of Maki and Shuichi (Himiko too, less personally) for "winning" in the face of the killing game, and the training trio of them meet back up again regularly. Only.

It's different, now. 

He's no longer sick and dying, but his lungs 'top out' at a certain level of activity and refuse to take in more air, this burning sensation that leaves him only able to huff and wheeze and brings his training regiment to a dead stop. He treasures those last moments in his failed execution where he got to see the stars, because a lingering anxiety in the back of his mind won't let him forget that he never will again. Not the way he'd dreamed of, the way he'd planned to, the way he'd centered his identity around. There is no way, as things are, that he will pass all the physical exams to become a proper astronaut. 

The drawn-out deterioration of his health during the simulation chipped away at his physical lungs at a rate too gradual for the countermeasures the rescue team implemented; TAPP did more overt physical damage to Kaito than anyone else. It could certainly be worse and he is gradually improving, but some degree of it is permanent. It haunts him. He's trying not to think about it.

It does, though, drive a wedge between him and his sidekicks; the survivors are planning their futures, and Kaito is not too far from a slight tailspin without any idea what his might look like for the first time he can recall. Space has been the dream since he was a kid (as has getting there in this specific role) and it almost feels like a rejection. Like he got too cocky, and the cosmos decided it didn't want him. 

It starts to make a little more sense, then, that he starts willingly hanging out with Kokichi. They went through the hangar together, of course, but even besides the traumabond (and a need to, after he woke from his coma, make sure the little brat is still alive, damn it, you can't run away anymore it counts now) but. If anyone else gets having such drastically shifted circumstances that life as you'd imagined it no longer makes logistical sense, it's probably the leader without an organization. There's no need to explain the feelings of inadequacy, or the aimlessness, going through the motions of classes and formal education because what the hell else am I going to do, right now? It's familiar. 

Kokichi needs someone willing to chase him, no matter how circuitous the route becomes. Kaito needs someone willing to shake him by the shoulders and snap him out of his own head, so sure it's all-or-nothing and that if he can't be the Luminary as he'd dreamed of it whatever happens next is immaterial in comparison. Kaito needs to adapt and roll with the punches, Kokichi needs to double back from his logical leaps from point A to point Q and articulate his thoughts clearly to other people (at least some of the time.) The two of them concoct little daily and weekly rituals, like Kokichi stealing Kaito's notebook and drawing in it, just because the consistency of company reminds them both that they aren't the only one going through this. 

None of the other students quite get it, but have come to accept it.

KOKICHI

Then there’s Kokichi.

Ah, Kokichi, whose whole deal in this scenario inspired me to write about this AU at all (and who manages to weasel his way into every comic and a other entries in these notes) . I’m biased, I know, but there are also a few reasons he’s singled out in-universe as well:

A) So a hydraulic press does not slam down quickly. The pause-and-play of the video deliberately makes it look much faster than it was; watching enough of the hydraulic press channel makes it abundantly clear that it was not instant. Kokichi was impaled with two crossbow bolts (the one in the back being bad enough already), poisoned by those bolts, and then pressed. He had to have felt non-zero of the Pressing, which, considering it already had to be agony before bones started breaking… the rest of the class might not have been fond of him, sure, but he’s right there with Gonta on “sheer level of excess.” Not even Maki is at a point of wishing that on him. Not after finding out how drawn out and excruciating it was. Veering into headcanon, I’m going to add “sleep deprivation” on the pile as exacerbating the whole thing, given his conspiracy whiteboard and everything after the concussion, honestly.

Combined with the World’s Worst Placebo Effect, King Horse takes the crown for top “my entire body hurts most of the time” severity. It’s not a desirable one, but when your previous life is all but erased there is exactly one choice available between Big and Home. Let it be said Kokichi Ouma has never half-assed anything he’s set his mind to, ever.

B) Ouma is paranoid and distrusting, which adds the psychological angle of “you literally shot me in the back” to a poison-laced crossbow bolt in his mind. TAPP will very literally never let him forget the bolt burying itself in the muscle of his back, barely kept from severing his spinal cord; he won’t forget the shivering and shaking from the poison, or the bile rising in the back of his throat handing Kaito the antidote. (He still wanted to live. He forfeit the right, he thought, after getting Gonta and Miu killed, but he still wanted to. That was all the more reason to quadruple-down on the press idea and making their three deaths mean something, damn it. Three, because Kaito could live. If the killing game ends there is no execution. It’ll be over. Can’t take back the past, but at least one of the pair of you has to walk out of this forsaken place!)

(… Can you really believe that? Or is it just another lie.

A lie you want, with all the heart they’re so sure you do not have, to blithely believe. There has to be a cure for whatever the hell has gotten into Kaito once the game ends and they can look for it, it might even stop cold the moment the game ends. That dumbass space cadet can go back to his sidekicks and he better appreciate it, the comradery you’ll never have, because he is the designated Hero and Heroes get happy endings. You want-want-want-want to trust in that lie, to trust him with the collected thoughts and notes and pieces of you spilled across reams of paper that have been so pointlessly important for you to keep secret this whole time. For once in your life, you want to believe you will not be betrayed. You want to believe in the closest thing you have left to a friend.

It will, in fact, be the last thing you do.)

C) Ouma is paranoid and distrusting. Again. Only this flavor has more to do with his persistent denial anything is wrong, in turn making things a lot worse for himself. Mental trauma and impressions of physical sensations can have physical effects. Clinging to his persona and trying to keep bouncing around like nothing ever happened turned a very difficult but potentially manageable condition into small amounts of permanent nerve damage within the first day of waking up. It screws with his coordination; just what he needed at a school that prizes talent above all else, when he is a leader with no organization and proficiencies in sleight of hand, forgery, lockpicking, and generally evading anything that might threaten him because he can’t take very many hits.

Whoops.

D) Kokichi was last of the class to wake up from the simulation, even after the survivors. They thought he was actually dead for a bit. Just when they were thinking of  giving up on him Kokichi Ouma, SHSL Stubborn Son of a Bitch, refuses to stay down for the count.

HPA already knew Class 79 would need accommodations on account of their negligence, but it became much harder to sweep things under the rug when they thought they’d actually killed a student. Even worse, thirteen witnesses have been actively fraternizing and scaled the flashback-gaslighting required to cover it up to easily exceed what their current technology is capable of.

Half the class was positive Ouma was playing dead specifically to fuck with them and light the fire under them to act. He and Kaito are the only ones to know without a shred of doubt that he was not. He still gladly takes the credit, though.

E) Class 79 as a whole already adapted to Ouma Being Ouma, so when the definition of ‘Being Ouma’ expanded he’s still pretty distinct. He hangs out around the people closest to him often, particularly Miu, Kaito, and Rantaro, but the entire class knows now that he’s pretty much beyond the point of perfidy. Even if he were to lie about being in more pain than he is at a given moment, there’s constantly enough underlying truth in how vulnerable he is that it’s not strategically worth trying to use as a manipulative tactic. It’s too real. Plus, he knows better than to boy-that-cried-wolf his way out of help from his classmates after getting lost on campus once and fainting before he found his way back.

K1-B0

K1-B0, as far as has been established, is being re/built. Miu is spearheading the project. Presumably, he is currently hanging out on at least one computer in the school, somewhere. Per the AU, though, Chapter 6 did go a bit differently than canon, so we’ll catch up with him soon.

TSUMUGI

Nobody is exactly certain what happened to Shirogane. Or, at the very least, nobody in the class knows. Admin is certainly not about to tell them. Wouldn’t it be just like the Ultimate Cosplayer to Theseus her way back into their lives following a single loose thread…

THE SURVIVORS

Shuichi, Maki, and Himiko each emerged from the simulation minimally physically harmed in a lasting sense beyond initial fatigue from being hooked up for so long. Each is still moving forward on their established character arc: Himiko is finding her motivation, Maki is learning to open up, and Shuichi is becoming more sure of himself and his detective abilities.

I think Himiko begins embracing the 'stage' side of her magic, considering that TAPP was blocking my mana, and you know what? I survived a killing game, and I didn't even need it. What else can I do without my mana? As time goes on, she'll likely value her own practical skills more rather than relying on her want of more fantastical powers. Not to say she'd disown them, but more that she could admit to herself it's more for fun than a need to affix something exceptional to her identity. She is enough as she is.

Maki enters HPA and immediately requests transfer out of 'Ultimate Assassin' classes. She hates fighting, per canon, and after going through the simulation she is no longer afraid of any authority figure that may deny her because she has certifiably seen worse. She initially tries to pivot and become the Ultimate Child Caregiver, for Real This Time; she is genuinely pretty good with kids. After a little incident nearly choking Kokichi, though? It confirms what she'd been afraid of all along: her patience is too thin, her instinct to defend too heavy on the trigger. She talks to Peko about it, among other people, Mukuro and Sakura chief among the other classes. She'd made their acquaintances during combat training in the first few days at HPA. She especially confides in Kaede, who carries a more-domestic-less-battlescorn perspective on it she can't help but appreciate. Kaede takes her to not-Claire's, playing with accessories and make-up and generally reclaiming some of the girlhood Maki has effectively never been allowed to have. In the whole process, Maki realizes she wants more than anything to protect the ability to have that kind of frivolity, that freedom: she changes tracks again, to become a SHSL Bodyguard.

Shuichi is a difficult one to place for me, exactly. He's in a state of becoming significantly more confident in the wake of the simulation, but the deviation from canon has turned the main conflict away from ending a destructive cycle and towards fighting the idea of predetermination by an external force. Shirogane was predetermined to stay in the Reserve Course despite her skills and aspirations, and railed against it; Kiibo was predetermined to be an AI helper and not a person, but embraced the role so hard he developed a soul of his own; Maki denies her talent and changes her destiny, Himiko embraces hers.

I suppose Saihara must fall somewhere in the middle, then. An observer steadfastly declaring that yes, there were aspects of life shaped for them beyond their control (entry into the simulation if they wanted a taste of success, the killing game, the "character rewrites" overriding the people they were before...) and yes they cannot control everything. What happened has happened. There are always going to be things you can't control (like how severely you burn in the sun, or whether you get headaches with the lights up too high, or even if your dream life rockets away too fast for you to catch unless you want to lose what you still have) but you can adapt to it. It's tempting to give in, to consider it all a lost cause, to submit to the forces you feel are puppeting you, but see. You keep living anyway, because you have to. The only way forward is through. Even if you were a puppet, you're still an independent you, and that means something. Maybe you can't snap your strings, but you can sure as hell stretch them out and bend them in a way you like better than this one.

Not having total control doesn't mean the control you do have doesn't matter.

So Shuichi is taking up cases as a detective, now. Seeing how he likes it. If not? Well. Skills are transferable. 

He'll be okay.

They all will.

----

(The first screenshot I took of this ask to begin drafting vs. the last one:

I'm sorry I am bad at timely responses but I hope they are Good.)

[xxscoopzoxx]

Asking because I wish is see something sweet on a bad day, but can I have a first meeting of Mer!Ghostleon?

Okay! I rlly hope this isn't too bad. I've never wrote something like this so I apologize if there's any inaccuracies (aka I should've done more research before this aaaaa)

So this is Mer shifter!Danny x Mer!Leon, meaning Danny can transform between human and Mer at will.

(btw I hope you're feeling better! <3)

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Leon was far from home. He could tell by the water around him—slightly colder, the waves bolder. But he's always been adventurous, hasn't he? He's heading south from where he had settled down, the reason being merely because of restlessness. Ever since he was a guppy, it was hard for him to keep still, with the ocean's current leading him every which way. His mother had always joked about him being half a sailfish.

Leon runs his hand through the sand of the ocean floor, smooth little pebbles and stones brushing across his fingers. He thinks it's nice here. Peaceful. Leon plops himself on the sand and looks up, the light of the ocean's surface beaming down on him. He really should be more careful; anything could be out here waiting for a snack. Leon's gotten himself out of sticky situations plenty of times, believe it or not. It's just the luck of being the prey, hunted by the predator. His ability to function in the face of danger used to fill him with a sense of invincibility. His parents' deaths impacted that mindset a lot, and as he grew older, it instead turned into a sense of responsibility. His need to protect coincides with the every day fear of what lurks where he can't see, ready to pounce at him and end his frivolous life. He finds that he works well with both, even if people call him crazy for testing nature like that.

It wasn't as colorful here as it was where he lives, which is usually flaring with wildlife. He absolutely loves the various sponges and corals, especially the bubble coral. But here it was more tranquil, with soft patches of seagrass swirling around mesmerizingly. It was nice.

His tail flicks as he feels something nudging him, and he looks down to see a small little crab trying to crawl over him. Leon mindfully floats up and off of the sand, out of the little crabs' way.

"Sorry." Leon pats its shell apologetically, watching as it scurries away.

A loud wail cuts through the peaceful silence; Leon's back fins perk up in defense. Leon swims towards the sound as the cries continue to get louder, until he finds himself in a rocky ravine. It's very wide, not too deep from what he can see, but it's still an intimidating drop. Without a second thought, Leon dives into the depths of the ravine, following the noise of something in distress. Something inside him screams to just pretend he doesn't hear it, but ignoring something that is in obvious harm leaves a sick feeling in his stomach.

Leon's ears twitch in the direction of the wailing. He swims around rugged boulders and debris, slowing down to hide behind a rock. He peeks around. Luckily, it wasn't too dark, so he can clearly make out something wriggling around on the ground, seemingly tied up with vines.

Leon flinches as the animal cries out again, panic apparent in its movements. Leon looks around for the perpetrator, finding nothing in sight. Cautiously, he swims low to the ground and approaches the animal. He shushes softly when it cries out in fear, its beady eyes staring at him. It's a seal! Taking pity on the poor thing, Leon begins tugging on its restraints. He growls in annoyance when it doesn't budge, and as a last resort, he bites into the vines until he feels them snap.

"Go, go, go.." Leon ushers the seal away, and the animal wastes no time swimming to the surface for some much-needed air. Leon watches the seal swim away for good measure, until it's completely out of sight.

Leon knows he shouldn't linger, but he sighs in relief. Who knows what did that to it? Feeling unsafe all alone in the ravine, Leon makes a dash for an exit, but a heavy weight against his back throws him off balance. He thrashes, which seemed to shake up whatever had grabbed him enough for Leon to slip free. The force with which he pushed away from the things grasp was apparently too harsh, and before he could even blink, his head collided with a jagged rock sticking out of the ravine wall. Everything goes black.

------------------------------------------

Danny was more than shocked when he came back to find his meal being let loose. He had gone to the surface to breathe; it didn't even take him that long, and he comes back to this. He had felt annoyed, of course—he was really hungry. But still, instead of attacking whoever freed his lunch, he hid in between two large rocks, shaded enough for him to blend in. When the seal Danny caught is gone, he takes in the features of the guy who let it go.

Danny shivers with delight when he notices that it's a Mer. A pretty one at that. Shiny scales and soft-looking.. everything. He's a koi fish. Danny's face breaks out into a grin. And before you start thinking, no, he doesn't eat other Mer. That's literally cannibalism. Also, their flesh is too human, and when he shifts above water, just the thought of eating it makes him sick. He's only ever killed them when he's looking for a cheap thrill.

Mystery Mer suddenly swims off, tail swishing around enticingly. Catch him, catch him, catch him. His brain kick-starts into hunting mode as the Mer dashes away. Danny follows after him, waiting until he's a close distance behind him before quite literally pouncing at the Mer.

He expected a fight, and that sure is what he got—but the strength of this Mer caught Danny off guard as he gets pushed away with unpredicted vigor. He grunts as his back hits the wall painfully against his fin.

What he really didn't expect to see when his head stopped spinning was the Mer splayed against a rock with blood flowing freely out of an open wound on his head.

What the hell did I just miss?

Confused, Danny gets a closer look at the Mer. He was bleeding pretty heavily, and he won't lie; the smell did make his mouth water a bit, but he pushed that feeling to the back of his mind and instead focused on scooping the Mer up in his arms. The vulnerability of the Mer in this state sent him reeling with unknown emotions. All he knows is the urge to kill him is gone—I mean, the clumsy little koi nearly killed himself, so. There's a small cavern nearby that Danny stays in sometimes, and he thinks it's about time he stretches his legs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Leon's head throbs as his eyes blink open. The first thing he notices is how dry his skin feels and how heavy his own body is. He's inside a cave of some sort, but he wasn't in the water. The roof of the cave glimmers from the glowing water that leads toward the exit. He sits up slowly. What had happened? How did he get here? He remembers hitting his head. Leon's fingers trailed up to graze the wound on his hairline, finding something soft and dry covering it. He hisses when his fingers press down too hard.

A hand grabs Leon's wrist when he attempts to remove whatever was wrapped around his head.

"Stop messing with it; you'll only make it worse." A deep voice echoes around the cave, a human revealing himself from behind Leon.

Leon has only seen a few humans in his lifetime. When he was younger, of course, he was afraid of them like anyone would be of something potentially dangerous. And this human gave him a bad feeling.

He was tall with tan skin, his face illuminated by the lantern he was carrying. He had dark eyes that bore into his own, a scar on his lip, and another one on his forehead to match.

"You're lucky there was a first aid kit in that boat. Knocked yourself out pretty good." The human smirks gently, like he was silently poking fun at Leon. Leon gives him a weird look and glances behind himself only to realize, yes, there is a wrecked boat resting in the sand. Odd. How did the human even find Leon?

Leon must've looked ready to spew questions, so the human beat him to it.

"I'm a Mer like you, but I can walk on land as well. Actually, it's hard to explain. I guess I got cursed? But it's not a horrible curse, per se. though I got it from this horrible bitch in the sky. She said I could have it as long as I kept working for her. I think she eats agony for breakfast, y'know? You don't, but that's okay. Anyway, how does your head feel?"

Leon's eyes were wide, perplexed at how much this human talks. Instead of answering, Leon only stares at him blankly, his eyes still wide. The human stares back expectantly before gasping suddenly, making Leon jump.

"Shit, you're probably still foggy from hitting your head. Sorry. Bet I sound really crazy, huh?" The human smirks again, a look that seems to stick to his face, but it looks good on him. What?

"Yeah, kind of." Leon scoffs, averting his eyes.

"He speaks!" The human gasps again, although this time playfully. He gracefully sits down near Leon, so much so that Leon can feel the heat radiating off of his body. Or maybe Leon's own body is just that cold; he doesn't know.

"Who are you?" Leon asks, his voice rising on its own to sound more demanding. The human simply hums.

"I'm Danny. And you are?"

"Leon."

Danny chuckles.

"Leeeeooon. It rolls off the tongue. I'm an orca, by the way." When Leon raises an eyebrow at him, he continues.

"I've never seen a koi fish in these parts. Long way from home or something?"

Danny was right, but Leon ignores the question.

"Were you the one who attacked me?" Leon grumbles, a flare of pain erupting from his head.

At this, Danny seems cornered, like he wants to lie to Leon but can't for some reason. He shrugs.

"You're smart, I'll give you that. Even with a busted up head, how charming." Leon blanches at Danny's tone, which was slightly mocking. Leon tries to scoot away.

"..Why?" Leon hisses at him. Not even Leon was 100% sure what he was referring to: why did Danny attack him or why did Danny help him? It was all so confusing, and Danny shrugged again.

"Honestly, I was going to kill you. Or I thought I was. But you nearly did that for me, dummy. And I could've just left you there for someone else to grab, but I didn't. I didn't want that to happen— believe me, I don't know either, okay? I just didn't want to anymore."

Leon narrows his eyes at Danny. His reasoning can't just be because he didn't feel like it. It didn't make sense.

"What do you want from me, then?" Leon asks.

"I want to see you heal correctly. I don't know if you realized it, but you have an open gash on your head and probably a mild concussion, plus you seem to not know how to keep still. That's all you're getting out of me, sweetheart, so zip it." Danny stands up from his sitting position.

"Wait here. Yeah, I know you can't move, but still. Try not to squirm around so much." Danny walks back over to the boat. Leon would've crawled away if not for his thumping head. Instead, he lays back down on the smooth sand. Leon waits there for a few minutes before he feels something warm being draped over his torso. Looking down, Leon traces his fingers across the soft thing covering his body. He looks up at Danny in question.

"It's a blanket. I saw you shivering, and I remembered I had one in the boat, so, yeah. You're welcome." Danny's face turns a pleasant pink color. Leon nods, only slightly understanding. With the finger that was trailing the blanket, Leon points at Danny.

"Is that also a blanket?" Danny looks down at himself to see that Leon was pointing at what he was wearing. It was just cloth wrapped around his waist, barely able to be called a pair of shorts, but Danny wasn't a prude. It covered what it needed to. Still, Danny looks down at Leon with a grin.

"Nope. It's made of the same material, though."

"But why do you wear it?" Leon asks, fully unaware of how hard Danny is trying not to croon at his innocent questions.

"It's for covering more.. sensitive bits. Let's leave it at that, yeah?" Danny says, inwardly hoping Leon drops it because he's not about to explain human anatomy to him. Again, Leon nods wordlessly and yawns. Danny notices this and drops down to lay next to Leon—not too close but just far enough away.

"Tired?" Danny looks over Leon. When Leon nods again and closes his eyes, Danny laughs quietly.

"Okay. Sleep tight, Leon." Danny turns over on his side, his back facing towards Leon. Faintly, he hears Leon whisper.

"Goodnight.. I guess."

Danny smiles, his heart filling with an unfamiliar warmth. The flame in the lantern dims as it starts to die out; the darkness welcomed with drowsiness. The only sound was from the repeating drip coming down from the cave's roof. Behind him, Leon's breathing evens out, and that alone is enough to lull Danny to sleep.

[spacerangersam]

I totally agree with you some of that stuff was just plain nonsensical or a couple where not very good but most where ok or nice. Those people just hate people, clothes and fun. this is why i hate "fashion" sm bc it basically polices clothes and doesnt let people have fun with it.

I dont wanna go on for to long (trust me i could) but idk what that is wrong with vests bc i saw at least three different kinds being moaned about, but like is this vest not super nice?

also corsets?

you cant say corsets are bad and then show that pic im sorry. that comment on the side tho- im no expert and im sure that there were restricting corsets but im pretty sure they were used like bras and just normal ones werent that restricting.

also i took mild offence to the "peasant skirts" (didnt know it was called that) bc its just a normal ass skirt that i really like and wear often (one thing i got from that article was how to search for that kinda skirt so thats good). like

what i am wearing while reading that article

anyway people should wear what they want and the more different people look from each other the better bc than we get to see more fun stuff or just wear whats comfy bc who cares. Anyway sorry for my rant and apologies for anyone who had to scroll through this

It's so all stupid. I adore vests, I think they always look cute. I literally have two myself.

Yeah, it looks cool. As soon as I saw that I was dear god, it's always fun to see stupid myths circulated in articles. I don't even know why they brought it up though because, ignoring the inaccuracy, there's obviously a difference between historical corsets and modern fashion corsets? as they noted in their use of the terrible fashun pun. I don't remember them doing that for any of the other pieces, so why now? If you're going to be bad, at least be consistent.

That has to be one of the stupidest ones like, you have beef with long skirts? Also, nice socks btw, I think I have the exact same pair asdf

I think the last one hit me the hardest though because they couldn't even find a bad pic to prove their point. She looks lovely and it's a cute cardi what's your problem?

Exactly! gotta say, I especially didn't like the other articles and how they hated men wearing anything fun and colourful- and pendants. god forbid you wear jewellery as a man, and god forbid you wear anything other than a plain T-shirt and jeans

[artistfingers]

GET DRESSED!!!

The Concert - Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

[Undercover AU]

[topsyturvy-turtely]

OTP challenge - day 15

there are two parts because I couldn't didn't want to shorten it for the life of me.

I wanna apologize for not updating regularly - never mind daily. i hope you can forgive my non-existent organization talent! thank you to everyone who is still in on this challenge!

[link to day 14]

15. teaching each other how to do something

(pt. 1/2)

Five year old Rosie stopped playing the violin with a loud dramatic note. "Well done, Watson. Keep practicing and it will be perfect." Sherlock praised his little apprentice.

John scoffed which turned his daughter's and best friend's head around. "Whatever do you you wanna say, John?"

"Just that Rosie already sounds perfect to me."

"Oh, she is. However let's not feed her ego too much.", Sherlock countered and winked at Rosie who grinned up at him.

"Yeah, she is already better at everything I am, aren't you, honey?"

There was a proud twinkle in Rosie's dark blue eyes when she giggled at that.

"Well", John stood up from the armchair that used to be his. "Thank you for the lesson, Sherlock. Are you sure you don't want-"

"I will not accept any payment from my favorite student." Sherlock immediately interrupted.

John made an amused noise. "Yeah, alright. It- it was good to see you, Sherlock." Their relationship ever after the Culverton case has been fragile, they never quite went back to what it used to be but... each man took what he could get.

"Good to see you too, John", Sherlock said softly. "Watson", he added, making the littlest bow towards Rosie. John adored how Sherlock treated his goddaughter. It made the doctor feel soft inside and sometimes this softness creeped through his walls to show through a smile. Like right now. Then he caught himself and clapped his hand against his thigh - a sign to say goodbye.

"Say thank you, Rosie, so we can head home."

Rosie finished putting away her tiny violin, then stretched her arms out, so Sherlock would pick her up. The detective did so, and then let her kiss his nose. "Thanks, Sherlock. Love you."

"Love you, too, Watson.", he said and kissed her temple.

At that moment, Mrs. Hudson walked into the room with a tablet of freshly baked biscuits. (Sherlock doubted it was anything but very calculated timing. She missed John terribly and adored Watson horrendously.) "Hoohoo, darlings! Buiscuits and tea anyone?"

"Mrs. Hudson!", John exclaimed pleasantly surprised (he had of course not seen through the landlady right away like Sherlock). "It's so good to see you!"

"Oh John, you should visit more often! Baker Street misses you.", she shot a meaningful glance at Sherlock, who pretended to busily clean his violin bow.

"And my sweet little Flower, how have you been?"

"Good! I love my violin sessions.", Rosie said enthusiastically.

"I can imagine, it sounds lovely from downstairs. Ooh! But I gotta go! The next round of biscuits is in the oven still!"

"May I come?", Rosie asked excitedly.

"Of course, dear.", Mrs. Hudson immediately agreed (no doubt this was her plan all along).

"Dada, may I?", Rosie asked her father.

"Yeah alright, I'll be right down."

"No hurry!", the two girls said in unision, on their way out.

John laughed after them, "Yeah, I see how it is."

Sherlock smiled, "Hudders adores little Watson."

"Everyone adores that kid.", John replied, shaking his head affectionately.

"Yes, indeed.", agrees Sherlock. He still had that soft smile on his face. Back in the days John liked to think it was only for him. These days, Rosie Watson was on the receiving end of it most of the time. John was glad at least one Watson had that honor.

"You're a fantastic teacher, Sherlock. Rosie... she really loves you.", John wasn't sure why he felt so awkward. They used to flow, now they are stuck in unspoken words and unspeakable emotions.

"It's my pleasure. She - both of you - mean a lot to me."

John softly carressed Rosie's violin case. "Do you know why I wanted her to learn to play the violin?"

Sherlock didn't say anything, but his interest was piqued, John didn't have to see him to know that - he felt it.

"It reminds me of you.", John said quietly and now he did look up at Sherlock. He hoped Sherlock knew what he actually meant: John missed him. How they used to be together.

For a long few seconds Sherlock looked at him. As so often, John could not look away. He didn't want to anyways. Then Sherlock breathed in sharply, turned around and grabbed his violin. John immediately fought an eye-roll. Of course they wouldn't be able to talk, how had he ever thought they-

But Sherlock held the violin out for John to take. "Sherlock, what do-"

"Take it."

Bemused John looked back and forth from the instrument to the man. "Are you sure- ", he started.

"I want you to try. Take it.", Sherlock insisted.

Hesitantly, carefully, John took the instrument. It felt fragile, but it was heavier than John had expected it to be.

"Put it under your chin. Like-"the gentlest touch redirected John's chin. Cold fingers. "-this."

"Hold the bow like-" Again, cold fingers on him, gently, just a whisper of a touch. "There you go."

Sherlock's mouth was close to John's ear. His voice velvet and deep. It crept inside of John, making the fine hair at his neck stand on ends.

"Now play for me.", Sherlock whispered. John surpressed a shiver. He was pretty sure, this shouldn't sound this alluring.

He didn't try to push his finger on a string. He simply let the bow glide and he produced an actual passable sound from a violin.

"Good, that was an A. Now try-", but John forgot to listen when Sherlock stepped behind him, feeling his fingers placing his index on the string, feeling his hand wrap around his bow hand, feeling Sherlock's chest against his back. John is pretty sure he forgot to breathe.

Sherlock was simply too close. He registered the man saying something, but he didn't know what. He tried hard to force the fog away. Instead he felt Sherlock leading his hand over the string, it was so darn cold against his own sweaty hand. A tone played and it was all so surreal: Sherlock teaching him to play the violin, Sherlock against his body, Sherlock whispering in his ear, Sherlock's cold fingers against his own warm ones. The tone sounded on and on and it sounded like the beginning of something. Like the beginning of something magical. Like the beginning of them.

But soon this something, that danced in the room to the tone they had played together, was interrupted by the thunder of upstairs-running kid's feet.

[to be continued in part 2!]

---

Special thanks to @totallysilvergirl whose series "Drawn to Stars" but especially "Teach Your Children Well" has subconsciously inspired me to write this incredibly talented and loving Rosamund Watson. I didn't realize until later, that it was very much inspired by you. Check this series out if you haven't yet! I love it so much!

tag list! (please tell me if you wanna be added or removed! 💚) @catlock-holmes @justanobsessedpan @helloliriels @boredsushi @fluffbyday-smutbynight @inevitably-johnlocked @hisfavouritejumper @rhasima @forfucksakejohn @ohlooktheresabee @turbulenttrouble @7arantellgrrl @ssmeowl123 @so-youre-unattached-like-me @peanitbear @train-mossman @loki-lock @smulderscobie @timberva @grace-in-the-wilderness @chinike @pansherlock @the-smol-bean-libby-blog @jawnn-watson @whatnext2020 @escapingthereality @missdeliadili @kettykika78 @musingsofmyown @7-percent @speedymoviesbyscience @astudyin221b @francj15 @almosttinycowboy @ladylindaaa @we-r-loonies @mxster-jocale @sherlockcorner @noahspector @our-stars-graveside @jobooksncoffee

[lovers-in-japan-reign-of-love]

Btw Im bored and Im craving an angsty fic. Somehow I managed to be on your blog knowing your good at it. Anyway could you do part two of avenger cast x teen reader wherein the reader have cancer and got remission but rhis time the cancer is back. The cast and fans know about it and they are all supporting to your battle. When the cancer got worse the reader thought of giving up but the cast still encourage to fight. Its up to you if you want the reader die or not. (But for me I wanna more super angsty that I wanted reader to be dead lol)

So that's all hope you can make it and make my heart in tears heheheh. Anyway have a good day and be safe.

Notes: I’d like to thank @huntective-kyeo for the request!! I hope you enjoy it.

I mean no disrespect by writing or posting this, and in no way do I take the themes and topics discussed in this story lightly. So if you’re triggered by any of this, I suggest not reading it.

I would also like to apologize for any cancer treatment misinformation in this story. I will gladly change anything I get wrong.

I don’t own any of the gifs/pictures used.

Warnings: Some angst probably, mentions of cancer, depression, mentions of cancer treatment, spelling/grammatical errors, medical inaccuracies, cliffhanger, a really bad cliffhanger, anything else I failed to mention ⚠️

Characters: Vague mention of Marvel cast, possible mention of doctors and family members, anyone else I failed to mention

Part 1: Click Here

Masterlist: Click Here & Here

Word Count: 1305 (give or take)

You’re in bed, staring at the ceiling. The early signs of emotional numbness is beginning to take root, drowning the overwhelming emotions within you. Your brain refuses to process the information you’ve been told, which only makes the whole situation worse. Cause who wants to hear that their cancer came back? After fighting so hard to be in remission, it comes back at full force. Who wants to hear that? You recognized the signs that you were beginning to feel unwell, so you went to your doctor. They ran their tests, and you waited.

The somber tone in your doctor’s voice was all you needed. Unlike last time, you hadn’t caught it in the early stages. This comeback had been faster, a little more aggressive. It hadn’t progressed enough that it couldn’t be treated, but precautions were made to ensure your full recovery.

Your doctor recommended you begin treatment immediately, so you did. It was also recommended you let your work know, and you hesitated. You agreed that you should let them know, since they were fully aware of your last battle with cancer. Of course, they were only made aware once you were in the clear. And you’d been on a break from filming and promoting, so that gave you plenty of time for treatment and resting. Now... Now, you’re going to start filming in a matter of days.

After muddling over the topic, you chose to let the producers know. You sent them a quick text explaining the situation, and anxiously awaiting their response.

=================================

You’d been met with understanding from the producers, who were more than willing to put your scenes on hold until you recovered. While grateful for the accommodation, guilt began to flood you. How long are they willing to wait? The last time you had cancer, it took a long time before you fully recovered. Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to the accommodation. Maybe you should’ve just sucked it up and done your scenes.

Fuck.

A knock snapped you out of your thoughts. You took a second to realize your doctor, Alanis Baker, was standing in the doorway to your hospital room. A small, but comforting smile was on her face, a clipboard in hand as she approached you.

During your first diagnosis, you’d been recommended to Alanis, having been told she was the one of the best in her field. It didn’t take long for you to see why. Her honest, personable behavior made it easy to get along with her. You came to realize that even though Alanis hated delivering bad news, she had to do it regardless of how it made her feel. She wasn’t known to sugarcoat anything; and while her bluntness may not be everyone’s cup of tea, you appreciated it. You needed it.

“Good morning, Y/N,” Alanis starts, a small smile on her face.

You mumble out a morning.

“We’re going to run a few tests,” your doctor explains. She’s giving you an almost apologetic look. “Just to see how everything’s going so far.”

You nod. Your heart feels like it’s jumped in your throat. You expected this, and you’re anxious to see how you’re progressing. It feels like you’re improving. You can only pray the test results match.

=================================

You’re… not improving. The cancer is seemingly getting worse. Still treatable, but it’s not reacting to the chemotherapy like the doctors had hoped. So that meant surgery. Probably multiple surgeries.

Alanis tried her damndest to inform you of all the benefits that come with surgeries, but you just couldn’t understand. You couldn’t understand why the cancer wasn’t going away with chemo. You couldn’t understand why it was getting worse. It didn’t make sense to you. Nothing your doctor, or any doctor could say would make you understand.

Part of you had to wonder if surgery would even do anything. If it progressed to the point where Alanis was attempting to sugar coat it, in her own way, then maybe you shouldn’t…

No, you think, snapping back into reality. You can’t give up, not now. You beat this before, you can do it again! You have to keep trying.

But is it worth it?

=================================

Your first surgery was fast approaching, and you were on the verge of throwing up. You knew it was important. You knew it was necessary to improve your health. But you were nervous. What if something went wrong? What if you didn’t wake up? What if it didn’t do anything?

What if you got worse?

“You feeling okay, kid?” Your ears perked at the voice. It was Robert. Him and a few of your co-stars had come down to visit you. The production crew let you have time off in preparation for your surgery, which was nice. But you needed something to keep you distracted. That’s where your co-stars came in. If they’d finished their scenes for the day they’d visit you or call or FaceTime—whatever they could do to stay in contact.

“Same as always,” you sighed. You didn’t tell them about how you were feeling. You didn’t want to hear what everyone else was saying. You’ll get better. Just keep fighting. You’re so strong, you’ll get over this. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. You were numb to the comfort they intended to bring.

Robert nodded, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through,”—here it comes—“but don’t let it control you.”

Your brows furrowed. “What do you mean,” you asked.

“Don’t let your thoughts control you,” he said, giving you a gentle look. “You’ll have your ups and downs, and those downs will feel like they’re suffocating you. Don’t let them take over. You’ll get better, you will.”

You knew there was truth in his words. Robert had his own struggles, his own ups and downs. He was speaking from his own experiences.

“I’ll try,” you said. “I can’t make any promises though.”

“Do what you can.” He placed a hand on your shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “We’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

==================================

The day of your surgery came faster than you thought. Robert’s voice rang in your head, and you tried to focus on that instead of your nerves. Your family, after wishing you well, was escorted to a waiting area.

After all the necessary preparation, you were put under.

==================================

It felt like only minutes later that you woke up. You were groggy, your mind hazy from the drugs. Was the surgery successful? Deep down, buried under the disappointment and growing cynicism, you hoped it was. You didn’t want to be sick anymore.

You heard voices. They sounded muffled, far away. Turning your head, you saw the door to your room was slightly ajar. You squinted, but your vision seemed blurry. After what felt like a lifetime, your family walked in with the doctor behind them. They were smiling but there were tears in their eyes.

“How’re you feeling?” the doctor asked.

You hummed softly. “’M fine,” you slurred. “Tired.”

The doctor smiled. “We’ll make sure you get lots of rest, okay?” You nodded. “You’ll stay here with us until you’re well enough to head home, how does that sound?”

You mumbled a ‘fine.’

“Okay.” The doctor’s smile looked almost strained before looking at your parents. “I’ll give you all a minute. Call us if you need anything.”

Your mother nodded. She was trying her damndest not to cry.

“What’s wrong?” you mumbled.

“Nothing,” your mother said, her voice soft but shaky. “We’re just happy you’re awake.”

You hummed and nodded.

“You did great today, (Y/N),” your father remarked. His voice sounded strained. “You’ll be out of here in no time.”

You smiled and nodded. You were starting to fall back asleep. Maybe once you’re more cognizant, you’ll ask about the surgery. And why your parents seemed so upset.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

@ceciele

[wordthieve]

Hi! 10, 16 & 50! 💖

Hello lovely @smblmn - thank you for the asks!

10. How do you decide what to write?

It's just a feeling; if I can picture a scene, and it doesn't swoop right out of my head again, then I need to write down the bones of it. Whether it turns into a fic, or I end up using it as part of something else, depends on how tenacious it is. And sometimes it's just something I want to read, and I have to be the change I want to see in the world 😆

16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?

There are so many that I've read and loved. I get so blown away with the talent of the writers in this fandom. This sounds like a backhanded compliment, and I really don't mean it as one, but sometimes I'll think something isn't my jam, and then a fic comes along and just changes my mind - that's a special thing. A very rushed and uncomprehensive list of some of these favourites include: firefighterPatrick in Strike Anywhere, or SeparatedDavid&Patrick in happy golden days of yore, or witchDavid in Witch's Brew.

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!

Ooh.

Every single time I post a fic, I want to fill the author's notes with caveats and hedging and apologies: this isn't as polished as I wanted it to be; I know there are time inaccuracies, but I couldn't keep them straight in my head; I'm sorry for all the times I repeat myself; I'm sorry I'm not a better writer.

None of this, btw, is fishing. I genuinely feel like someone is going to point things out and I want to get ahead of them and say "I know! I know! I'm bummed about it too!"

So the restraint that keeps me from putting all my inner doubts and insecurities in the author's notes, letting them actively attempt to discourage people from reading, is immense.

I'm not sure if this is just a confession or if it'll actually hit a nerve with someone else (oh look, I'm about to apologise for the QUESTION I ASKED MYSELF). BUT. This fandom has absolutely made me a more conscientious, more thoughtful writer, and I love it. So instead of apologising more, I shall thank all the comment-leavers, all the wonderful cheerleaders and the devoted readers. You are lovely. Thank you.

Ask me things!

[this-is-my-jaam]

Cultural Representation in Dragon Age/Fantasy in General pt.1

So I made a post not too long ago about my gripes with the aesthetic design with the Dalish in Dragon Age. A user by the name of fallowhearth then introduced me to the work of Bret Deveraux and his breakdown on the historical inaccuracy and generally racist design of the Dothraki in got, which got me thinking about something that bothered me, but I hadn’t been able to figure out why until I read the essay.

A lot of people claim to have based fictional races/societies off of real cultures, but the actual representation of said cultures, mostly non-white cultures, is based more on stereotypes of a culture than the real culture. The steppe peoples and nomad societies tend to be the most insultingly incorrect from my own observations. Really, any culture that lives in away that the modern western society would consider unconventional.

So I’ve already done a dive into Dalish fashion, but it occurred to me that practically nothing of the original aesthetic design for the Dalish seemed to have any relation at all to the cultures that the Dalish were based on. In fact, I can’t really place where any of the design is pulled from apart from the medieval fantasy chainmail (which is a European style chainmail btw). There are plenty of cultures that wore fur throughout history, but none that I could find use it exclusively for pauldrons. Which makes sense because what would be the point even. I know I already complained about it but the fur shoulder pads are so truly baffling to me. We’ll get back to this later, but the main point is that just throwing together random tidbits of a culture together without any understanding of the original purposes of literally anything that you are ‘representing’ sits really wrong with me. 

So lets dissect the cultural designs of Dragon age and their presumable real world design inspirations. Strap in again folks because this one’s going to be long and in multiple parts or else you’ll be scrolling for an hour to get past this post. Again, this is all my opinion and I mean no offense. I don’t intend to speak for any of the ethnic groups to be mentioned in this rant, only to point out a commonality in fantasy worldbuilding that really bothers me. You are under no obligation to agree with me, constructive criticism is awesome, but please keep it civil.

The Dalish  

Since we’re already here, let’s break down the Dalish. I’m going to approach this from a few directions: 1) The Jewish, Romani, and Native American people that the Dalish were based on, 2) Cultural bias and stereotyping in pop media and 3) Fantasy design tropes.

Just to clarify, this isn’t meant to be criticism directed specifically at Bioware’s art team. Artists build the image of the game, but ultimately answer to an Art Director who answers to Corporate. I’m sure the artists that worked on these games and designs are lovely people, and meant no harm in any way. They just worked with what they were given, which was not a whole lot if we’re being really honest. I think this was in part because the Dalish were already present in DA:O before a lot of the lore was super established and they only had so much money for development. You can clearly tell that a lot of thought was put into many of the other cultures’ designs for DA:2 and Inquisition, but the Dalish were in DA:O so they had to design around that to keep the canon somewhat consistent. So no beef to Bioware’s creative team, I’m going to place the blame on EA because they ruin everything that they touch. The writing team however, I have some questions for. Namely, why? Actually, I know why and it’s also EA. Moving on.

1) Jewish, Romani, and Native American Culture

Now, I am by no means an expert in Jewish, Romani, or Native American history/culture, so I apologize for any inaccuracies that there might be in this post. If you see something inaccurate or you know of any other parallels that you want to talk about, feel free to add to the conversation. I try to reply to all of the comments that I get and I appreciate learning new stuff and being corrected on things that I am wrong about. Again, please be civil.

None of these cultures exists in the aesthetic design of the Dalish. At least not that I’ve been able to tell. The writers claim that the original inspiration for the Dalish are the Roma and Jewish people. I’m pretty sure that this is because of both the nomadic lifestyle of the Dalish, and the persecution they face in lore. The Romani people are believed to have originated in India and migrated Westward, the rich culture unique to the Romani people being a melting pot of cultural elements as people married into the culture and it expanded. I don’t think too much of the Dalish was inspired by the Romani people aside from the travel culture, the persecution and ostracization they faced, and their mysterious historical origins. We’ll get into my beef with westernized views on minorities and mysticism later though.

As for the Jewish people, I’m not entirely sure which parts of Jewish culture the writers were using for inspiration, but I definitely see the historical parallels. I think that the early Elven Kingdom was probably inspired by the creation and fall of Babylon and/or Jerusalem. And the current treatment of Elves within Thedas and the Exalted March itself is likely inspired by the Church endorsed Crusades, where the Jewish people were the target of mass genocide for ‘killing Jesus’ because the Church is fucking awful and war makes money. The ‘leaders’ of the crusades were usually religious nobility, committing war crimes because religion. Both offending armies even used the Templar name. Fucked up history fact: Pretty much all of the crusades weren’t actually about religion so much as stealing territory or making money. Just look up the Children’s Crusade. So the clearest common thread that I can see is the blatant discrimination and persecution, so if that’s all that the inspiration is, then Y I K E S. I was already unimpressed with the alleged Jewish inspiration in the Dalish culture but holy shit.

To be clear, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with using history to inspire your writing. Some of the best stories are the ones inspired by real historical events and figures. But when you’re building a culture for a story and you chose to pick only the darkest parts of the culture’s history and none of the beauty of the culture itself, it rubs me the wrong way. This is all speculation seeing as how I was not in the writing room for these games, but I honestly can’t find any other parallels to the Jewish people with my limited knowledge, and if I dedicate myself to fully researching all of the potential parallels then this project will never end. Anyone who knows more about the Jewish culture and history, feel free to share your own opinions and thoughts. I really hope that I am just too uneducated in Jewish culture to see better parallels but all the ones I’ve found so far are not great. I’ll get back to this later, but I need to move on to discussing Native American cultural parallels because this post is already way too long.

My assumption is that the clan structure, philosophy, and spiritualism is inspired by the Native American people. The clan structure of Keeper > First > Second > other professions is probably based on Chiefdoms. Many tribes also hade roles specified to individuals, like hunting or weaving or building and so on, and others were more loose. Philosophies like the Vir Sulevanin or the codes of living based on individual gods are probably inspired by various religious practices and law structures. It’s hard to tell specifically where any inspiration was taken because there are a lot of nations that exist under the term Native American and as far as I know, the writers never specified any tribes. I don’t take much issue on the clan structure and the idea of the Dalish cultural lifestyle being loosely based on Native American culture. The execution is ass. For one, we barely get to see any of this stuff in practice, in game. You get to do a little with Hawke and Merrill in DA:2, and you get bits and pieces from DA:I, but overall, It’s a lot of tell, not a lot of show. What bothers me the most is how the culture is presented to the player. Most of your companions and NPC characters treat Dalish culture as lesser or too different to even bother trying to learn anything about it. If you play a Lavellan in DA:I, your own character acts very surprised that Josephine knows even two words in Dalish, and yet all of the Dalish that we meet speak the King’s language (I think that’s what English is called in DA, but I could be wrong). It makes me uncomfortable on a number of levels to have the culture presented this way to the player, especially when your responses usually make you complicit or an active participant of this problem. Sounds a whole lot like the oppression and discrimination that Native Americans deal with today and have been dealing with for centuries now. The biggest problem that I have with creating a parallel between the Dalish and Native Americans is how Dalish history is presented, particularly through Solas.

If Solas didn’t exist, I wouldn’t really have a problem with how the Dalish culture was built around lore and oral tradition. A downtrodden but proud elven people is kind of a refreshing inversion on the typical High Elf fantasy trope actually. Until you introduce the High Elf himself and he shits on the entire culture for reasons that I still can’t fully understand. If you talk with him in Haven as a Dalish elf about the Dalish people, he relates them to ignorant children. This does not change throughout the game. The only time he actually expresses that he might have misjudged the Dalish has nothing to actually do with the Dalish, just that he likes hanging out with your Inquisitor. Um, what the fuck? Solas’ whole guilt over the past thing translating into ‘I hate the Dalish because they’re not like the old elves wah,’ fucking pisses me off. I get that the Vallaslin bother him because they were originally slave markings and unnamed Dalish clans chased him off for trying to tell them ‘you’re whole culture and history is wrong,’ but if that’s all there is to him hating the Dalish then I have problems. He acknowledges that his actions led to the elves suffering, but he isn’t willing to accept the elves as they are now. He’s mad at the victims rather than the problem which is ridiculous. But now, because the game decided that Solas is a tragic villain and most of the elves side with him, it validates his belief that the Dalish culture is wrong. And if that don’t scream Manifest Destiny then I don’t know what does.

So, the thing that all of these groups have in common, and the thing that shows up the most often in media, is that fantasy minority groups are based almost entirely on real life minority groups and are depicted almost always as victims in need of saving or extinct. I’ve got a fun fact, minority groups weren’t always minorities, and weren’t always persecuted. I’d like to see that in media for like at least five minutes or something because this sucks. And framing these groups as victims for a western coded player character to rescue is the classic white savior shit that I can’t stand. Again, I’ll go deeper into that later, but I’ll end it on this last note because I need a nap now.

Culture is not defined by suffering. The Jewish people and Native Americans have faced trials and persecution for centuries, but their culture is not defined by that. The people within a cultural group are more than just their hardships. It isn’t inspiration from a culture to fantasize only about their abuse. And choosing to focus explicitly on the hardships and then turning those oppressed people into the ‘bad guys’ bc of some forced grey morality bs makes everything so much worse. If you create a society ‘based on’ existing ones, you need to actually address the positives of a culture as well. Do not present the people in a way that implies ‘less than’ to the player character. And most importantly, Do not write an oppressed people based on an oppressed people only to try and justify any part of their oppression. 

And this is only part 1. Send Help. I haven’t even finished with the Dalish Art History project I already started.

to be cont.

[marzipanandminutiae]

As someone into midcentury fashion I'd like to formally apologize for the 40s and 50s influence on the Br*dgerton costumes.

Honestly, there’s no need to apologize. I’m not mad at any of the things that influenced the costumes.

I just. Don’t get why people who clearly hate the aesthetic of a given time period make things set in that era.

You want to avoid bonnets and “the Jane Austen look?” Um. Maybe don’t set your show in England during the Regency era. You don’t have to. Nobody’s twisting your arm and making you adapt this particular book- and nobody twisted the author’s arm and made her set her romance series in that era, either. You could make a show about the contrast between the nouveau riche and an old money family that’s set in the 1950s or the late 2010s or fantasy plague-free 2020 or even a fantasy alternate universe altogether.

But instead you do the equivalent of making a recipe, changing every key element, and leaving a comment about how you “loved this recipe but just wanted to make it better by [endless list of alterations].” Just admit that you like modern couture gowns that kind of have Empire waists and go.

(This doubles as a callout post for William Makepeace Thackeray, btw.)

(Also I’d better not see any nonsense on here from the contingent that was complaining about the “inaccuracy” of the show’s relatively non-racist world. Like, yeah, obviously rich Black people, and specifically nobles, were quite rare back then and faced considerable struggles, but it’s different. Colorblind casting isn’t removing the actual point of a period piece like modernizing the costumes is, because- if you’re not a total asshole -the appeal isn’t an entirely white main cast.)

(I can understand why people who like Regency-era romances would make a Regency movie with a racially diverse cast; I love that idea myself. I can’t understand why they’d make a Regency movie that looks nothing like the Regency.)