#any doctor who wants to cut out healthy body parts needs to lose their medical license

[0funsite0]

Poor us

Summary: You and Jimin have been living in poverty without parental help as they decided to disown you the moment you married the love of your universe. Life hasn't been easy ever since, but your love for each other and the will of building a family of your own may just be enough to concur all.

non-idol!jimin x pregnant!fem!reader

Warnings: pregnancy, poverty, medical issues, cold, malnutrition, childbirth

Word count: 2.9K

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You felt another blanket being placed on your body.

- Chim, I think that's enough, but thank you. - you breathed out sleepily, as Jimin carefully lays down next to you on the mattress placed on the floor.

- No, love! It's freezing. We need to make sure you don't catch a cold. That wouldn't be good considering you are 28 weeks.

He was right. Your tiny apartment was located in the poorest part of town, where cutting the water or gas was done weekly by authorities, since there was always something wrong with the system. Now not even the tiny heater in your miniature room was radiating any warmth, meaning the only things keeping you and your baby growing inside your womb warm were those few blankets you had.

- This was our last blanket though... now you have none. - you extended your hands, motioning him to lay under your blankets.

He hesitantly lifted the blankets and slipped under them, wrapping his protective arms around your waist to scoot you closer to his body. Of course, he was mindful of your bump, making sure not to crush your little one inside. A warm smile spread across his face, as he felt the baby wiggle against his torso. Moments like this reminded him, that rich, or not, life was beautiful.

- Now, go to sleep, okay? - ha pleaded, while softly caressing your hair and back. - You need a lot of rest.

- Okay... - you yawned. - But you too! Night.

- I hate that you still go to work.

- Jimin, we talked about this before! Women in my condition usually have maternity leave around their last month. I just started my seventh month, we have 3 left. - before he could cut you off, you continued. - Besides, we can't afford to have minus one working hand. We need the money. I already quit one of my jobs.

- Then I'll get another job.

- A fourth one? There's no way I'm letting that happen!

- Jagi...

You cut him off with a kiss. That kiss brought him comfort and reassurance. He still didn't like the fact that even after the doctor told you you were a bit underweight and should make sure you didn't lose any more if you wanted the baby to be healthy, you were still on your feet all that at work, which also included some physical labor. Ever since that day, he would skip meals, so you could eat more. Of course, he never told you this, because he knew you'd never let him do that.

- Good night!

- Good night, Love! - then he put his free hand on your tummy. - Night, night baby!

-

- Mrs. Park, - your doctor sighed. - even though you made some progress compared to last time, you still seem a little underweight. I want you to keep in mind that malnutrition doesn't only affect the fetus' development but can also send you into premature labor.

These were definitely news that you expected to hear at your 32-week check-up, and you had plenty of time to prepare yourself, but you still couldn't stop the tears from escaping your eyes. These facts being said out loud sent shivers down your spine and made your heart fill with worry for your precious baby.

Tears kept running and running down your red cheeks and no one was there to wipe them away. Jimin had work, which he couldn't miss, and the old lady, who called herself a doctor definitely wasn't the one who would calm you down. She was extremely unsympathetic. You just wished your husband was there, holding your hand.

The gynecologist printed out your ultrasound pictures and handed you the papers which contained the updates on your and the fetus' health.  

You didn't have a car. None of you. So you had to walk all the way home, burning calories, which you couldn't afford to burn. But you had no other option. On your way to your apartment, you stopped in front of a bakery, just staring inside of the showcase, debating whether or not you should spend those few bucks you brought with you, on some nourishing pastries for yourself... more for your baby. The debate was obviously determined when you set your thin hands on your bump and felt your bundle of joy wiggle around. A soft, but sad smile appeared on your lips, and you went inside.

-

You sat in your scummy kitchen, munching on one of the cheese biscuits you bought earlier, when you hear the squeak of the front door, signaling that your husband was home. About time... it was 10 PM.

-  Hi, My Love!

He took his shoes off and hugged you, caressing your back and pressing a gentle hand on your bump.

- How did your appointment go?

- It went great. - you lied.

- Can I see the papers?

You froze. Oh no! That will give everything away.

- Uhm... I lost it.

- Jagi... Please don't lie to me, okay?

You realized that there was no reason to lie to your husband any further. You dug deep into your duffel bag you've been taking with you everywhere for years now. The time took a toll on it as well. The rips and lose threads were becoming more and more evident.

In the end, you pulled out the folded medical papers, which will soon reveal your little secret to Jimin.

He carefully read through the words, making sure he wasn't missing any detail.

You didn't dare to look at him. You were scared. you expected scolding from him, words that would send you tears.

Instead, you just felt thin arms wrap around you and delicate hands running up and down your bump.

- Oh Jagi! - he breathed.

You couldn't help the tears. You were an emotional mess. Relief, sadness, worry, guilt...

- A-are you m-mad?

- No, no! I'm not, baby.

He carefully lifted you and slipped under you n the chair, so he could set you on his lap. He turned your head to look him in the eye and was quick to wipe the tears away, which were continuously pouring onto your shirt. He just kept wiping and wiping them.

- I'm just so worried, Jagi... But... don't you worry, My Love, okay? We'll work on it. You'll be fine! Perfectly healthy!

-

- Love! I'm home! - he said as he closed the door.

- Chim? - you breathe out shakily.

Jimin could immediately sense the discomfort in your voice, so he is quick to get into the tiny bathroom your voice could be heard from.

He dropped everything he had on him the moment he saw your distressed figure on the floor hunched over the toilet, hands on your 34-week bump, and rat to your side.

- Baby! It's okay, let it all out!

- I haven't been able to keep anything down today.

- Oh God! Why didn't you call me?

- I don't have any money on my phone... I couldn't call anyone.

Jimin cursed at himself for forgetting to charge money on your phone. It was a very dangerous move from him, especially now that you are nearing the end of your pregnancy.

- I'm having a contraction... - you panted as you clutched your abdomen, still sitting on the floor.

His hands carefully flew to rest on your stomach as he felt around. Your bump was rock-hard. He panicked. You weren't full-term yet.

- Are you sure? Maybe they are just Braxton hicks... - he held onto the last bit of hope he had.

- I'm not sure... I hope though. - you straightened your posture as the tight feeling in your stomach eased. - Chim... - tears started streaming from your eyes. - These don't feel like Braxton hicks. My baby...

- Shhh... It's alright, don't worry. We'll get you to the hospital.

-

- Mrs. Park, you are now in pre-term labor, but we can give you medication that might extend your pregnancy by a few more days or weeks.

- How much does it cost? - you ask, laying in the uncomfortable hospital bed with pink and blue bands strapped around your bump, which attached little machines to your skin to detect the baby's and your vitals.

- No! She'll have it! - Jimin said with much confidence.

- Chim...

You could barely afford the hospital bills for your labor and delivery. You didn't need to add any more to that sum.

- Can we get a moment, please? - your husband addressed your doctor.

- Of course. - she walked outside.

Jimin sat down next to you on the bed, his eyes flaming as he stared at the bands and machines attached to your still small bump. At least compared to how far along you were. Baby didn't weigh much and you were supposed to work on that in the remainder of your pregnancy.

And while Jimin's stare was livid, he stroked your hand and talked in the most gentle way possible.

- You are getting that medicine. I'm not letting my baby have potential risks or even die!

- I know, Ji-

The next contraction hit you out of nowhere. You curled around your hardened stomach and gripped Jimin's shirt.

- Breathe, breathe! - he whispered.

- I know, - you started as the contraction ended. - and it's the last thing I want as well. But tell me honestly how will we pay for that. That shit is expensive and we d-don't even have baby products yet.

That's when the tears spilled.

- It's okay, - he wiped your eyes. - I'll make sure everything is perfectly fine. You'll have that medicine and won't worry about the bills. I'll sort everything out.

His tone calmed you a bit, just enough to stop crying. But it didn't free you from the concern you felt about your child's well-being.

Your husband called the doctor back in, who immediately started preparing the procedure.

- No, no! - you whined. - No needles, Chim...

- Shhh... - he stroked your hair. - Just focus on me. Think about how is you are strong now, we'll have a strong baby in a few weeks.

So you did. You were strong and the IV was in, pouring some fluid into you. You didn't look at it, but you were nauseous non the less.

Just in time, a nurse assisting the doctor shoved a bowl in front of you. You let out the contest of your stomach. You didn't know you had anything left in you, and now, vomiting with Jimin tying your back with an emergency hair tie on his wrist, then rubbing your back.

- We're going to wait now and see how your contractions turn out. If they stop, we'll do a check on the baby and determine whether you are safe to go back home or now. If they continue to progress, we'll get ready for delivery.

So you waited there in the arms of your husband. Breathing through contractions and praying. Praying that the medicine worked and that your baby is okay.

Hours went by, but the constant pains tormenting you never stopped.

- Mr. and Mrs. Park, I'm afraid there's no other solution, we have to go through with the delivery.

Your heart ached. You wished you could give your beloved child, whom you haven't seen yet but lived with everything you had, a bright future. You wanted them to grow up in comfort and love at the same time. These are things you got to experience in your life, only never at the same time. Comfort you had while in the care of your parents, but love you only ever found when comfort was taken away, with Jimin.

A strong contraction ripped through your abdomen, squeezing your helpless baby inside. Jimin was close to tears himself.

- Breath, beautiful. You've got this. - he whispered with a broken voice.

You would have thought that this little gesture (him reminding you to breath) would be useless and would only agitate you, but thanks to him you realized you've been holding your breath which didn't help with the pain. As soon as you were reminded by him you let as much air into your lungs as possible and that relieved a lot of pressure from your stomach.

At some point the pain got extremely bad. No matter what you did, walking around, or squatting, the pressure was worse than ever amd could no longer be relieved by breathing.

- Wow, that was a big one. - the nurse exclaimed as she inspected the red line on the monitor, possibly measuring the intensity of your contractions. - How do you feel about some kind of pain relief?

The word "yes" was at the very tip of your tongue, it wanted to escape faster than light travels. But a voice, that has been chanting the same word over and over again since the day of your engagement, stopped you. Money.

- What do you suggest? - your husband asked after seeing your doubtful gaze.

-No... Ugh... I- W-we can't... - you huffed in the middle of feeling your baby squirming in discomfort as your belly hardens again.

- What do you suggest? - Jimin asked again, this time with a much more impatient voice, ignoring your protests.

- At this point it would be too late for the epidural, but I would recommend either oxygen, or gas. Oxygen is great for your lung capacity, helping you with breathing, amd gas kind of works like a drug. It's completely harmless of course, it has a numbing effect, so your brain can't process pain the way it is now, making it seem less intense.

- Jim-Jimin! You no we can't-

- We'll take oxygen.

After a bit of time and a lot of convincing from your husband, the nurse brought all the equipment needed and soon you had a mask-like plastic thing in your hand. She showed you how to use it and you were good to go. You were hesitant at first, but after feeling the difference it made, you couldn't resist anymore.

Jimin was relieved to see you have some break from the constant torture. That break, however, didn't last long.

A sudden strange urge and pressure broke you from your relaxed state. Your water broke and the contractions, which brought your baby so low, came almost immediately after each other.

- I ned to PUSH! - with that last word you were pushing, there was no going back.

Jimin worriedly smacked the calling button above your head, and 3 nurses entered the room, taking their places around you like the professionals they were.

They quickly understood that you prefered being encouraged with gentle words, not like some who needed them to shout like a football coach. You were scared for your baby, who would be born prematurly into this cold world, without a warm home, without a place to sleep. Damn... you don't even have a crib yet.

The only thing that allowed you ta stay focused was the thought of your little baby being in your arms, and Jimin's heartwarming words. These two pushed you forward.

- IT BURNS! - you scream in pure agony.

- Push through it! It means you're doing it right. - one of the nurses assured.

To be honest you couldn't tell the difference between them at this point. You could barely even see, your vision was so blurred by the tears pouring down your cheeks.

- We're so close baby! So, so close. It'll all be over.

Oh how wrong he was...

Once this part comes to an end the rest and most difficult part begins.

Several pushes and one last scream later the pain faded into nothing and for the first time in your life, you smiled when a baby cried.

You remember countless times when on long plane rides a baby was close to you on an aircraft you silently cursed at all living species on Earth. You would do so again when you realize you forgot to bring your headphones, and you'd have to listen to the annoying wailing sounds of an uncontrollable infant. Now, however, it was the world's most wonderful sound.

He was alive, breathing, gunky and slimy, just covered in all kinds of birth fluids, but he was the most beautiful thing that's ever existed on this planet.

You became a mother.

A mother to a child whose father is the love of your universe. You chuckled at the silly thought. Of course, how else would it be?

Your beautiful newborn son was placed on your chest and his warmth made you forget all the hardships you've faced and the ones you'll have to face once this moment is over. He was tiny but had a healthy set of lungs and an even healthier heart, which was all you cared about. His squished face scrunched even more with his cries. You were in love for the second time in your life. You never thought your love could get bigger, you imagined becoming a mother would split your love into two, half for your husband, half for the new addition to the family. But you were so wrong!

- Our little son. - the voice of your husband pulled you out of the state of mind you were in. He pulled you out to be with him. Him and your son so you could enjoy these moments with those who matter. Who you live for.

- Thank you Jimin...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: Might make a part 2 if enough people have interest in it, because I'm curious what happens to them now 🫣

[itsgivingautism]

01/18/24 — Zia rants about being autistic & physically disabled & chronically ill in a fucked ableist society & having to be dependent on their partner

Started to have meltdown over this & other stuff to my partner before he left for work…. I didn’t meant to have a morning meltdown. I found myself shutting down and feeling guilty before he left bc I can recognize it’s hard on him even when he doesn’t wanna show it. But needed a place to rant and ended up going off down below for a like an hour. I don’t want to open up but I made tumblr after not being on here since high school for an outlet for a lot of reasons, with support & encouragement from therapists to do so. But I also hate being perceived. I’m just so fucking annoying tho I somehow always bring attention to myself that I never want….. but I’m also learning to tell my story & share my experiences. As an autistic person late diagnosed who was severely abused throughout my entire childhood opening up, learning to unmask & not shutdown, understanding my own thoughts, feelings, & experiences is so fucking hard.

I am so grateful for my partner but god I wish I was independent. I wish I had the ability to take care of myself. I wish I wasn’t so fucking dependent on his love and support. I wish I wasn’t so needy, or clingy. I wish I wasn’t disabled physically and mentally. I wish I wasn’t so wounded & traumatized. I wish I wasn’t so chronically ill. I wish I wasn’t in autistic burnout, a state of prolonged cognitive decline that one average can last 2-10 years.

I wish I could get a job. Even working from home but my mind can’t even. I’m constantly age regressing and going across different timelines of my mind and getting trapped, constantly disconnecting from this current physical reality even when I seem like a part of it to others - but it’s just automatic masking as a trauma response. All a result of my CPTSD+autism+adhd

I haven’t been able to work a real job since 2020. I’ve been fighting to get the support & benefits I need but constantly being shit on. Having to go thru constant channels to prove how severe my issues are and then being told try this treatment first and when it doesn’t work its still somehow my fault. I’m sick of having to prove my disabilities & illnesses and then when I show how bad they are I’m being dramatic. But when I mask & show strength, I must be making it up. How could you be so strong about then? There’s no winning. Only losing. I don’t see a point in showing weakness or asking for help. But then refusing to and bottling it all up, that has lead me to deeply problematic bad spirals. I just want to be taken seriously by doctors & medical professionals. I hate this country.

I wish I was normal. I hate burdening my partner. Although I know he doesn’t want me to feel like one and he genuinely wants to help me, I also know I stress him out….

I am dependent on him financially while his job is fucking over their contracts, refusing to give him & his coworkers the raises they were supposed to get a year ago. Him and his coworkers have collectively trying to unionize for months (which is the only reason they actually didn’t get a pay cut which the company was tryna do even tho they were supposed to give raises last year) and ofc my partner has been the one leading the unionizing. (We joke about my radicalism really rubbing off on him)

I’m constantly trying to find ways to make money, which end up doing more damage to my body. He hate what it does to me. He wishes he could do more while stuck in his work contract. it’s a lot on him. And I feel like his life would be so much less stressful without me tho….. or at least if I could just be normal & healthy….

Even my friends point out that unless I’m talking about my emotions & trauma I don’t make any sense talking…. like burnout really shows…. It’s embarrassing constantly. I sound like a so clearly disabled most of the time. I used to exceptionally smart & articulate before this burnout. Ik they mean it accepting my but it’s hard when 90% of what I say comes out wrong. It’s hard when I’m trying to be supportive and it sounds like asshole shit bc my issues with speech & cognition. I want to be a lovely validating friend. Not the one they have to dissect my word vomit to find the love & support in foolish clumsily words. I’m technically hyperlexic so I can keep creating words but my other learning disabilities downgrade the quality & meaning of those words.

But I also only make sense when talking about my looping emotions & trauma is bc I only share what I can (the deeper stuff is vaulted by selective mutism & shutdowns). This is the shit going thru my brain, talking to myself about and looping constantly. Ofc it’s the only thing I can talk about. But even most the time I’m still not making sense entirely. But it’s all I can think about, talk to myself about, and it’s all the my brain is giving me permission to share about myself.

[ahopkins1965]

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Epilepsy

Epilepsy Guide

Help When Epilepsy Treatment Doesn't Work

Medically Reviewed by Christopher Melinosky, MD on May 12, 2023

Written by Katherine Kam

7 min read

What Is Refractory Epilepsy?

If your doctor says you have refractory epilepsy, it means that medicine isn't bringing your seizures under control. You might hear the condition called by some other names, such as uncontrolled, intractable, or drug-resistant epilepsy.

Your doctor can try certain things to help keep your seizures under better control. For instance, they might try different combinations of drugs or a special diet.

Your doctor may also put a device under your skin that sends electrical signals to one of your nerves, called the vagus nerve. This may cut the number of seizures you get. A Neuropace device is a reactive neurostimulator that detects seizures and shocks the brain to stop them.

Surgery that removes a part of the brain that causes your seizures may also be an option. With any of these treatments, you may still need to take epilepsy medicine throughout your life.

It's natural to feel anxious when the doctor tells you your epilepsy isn't getting better with the medicine you're taking. You don't have to go through it alone, though. It's important to reach out to family and friends to get the emotional support you need. You might also want to join a support group, so you can talk with other people who are going through the same things you are.

Featured

Tests and a Diagnosis for Epilepsy

Common Types of Seizures

Types of Epilepsy

Causes

Doctors don’t know why some people have refractory epilepsy and others don't. You can have refractory epilepsy as an adult, or your child might have it. About 1 in 3 people with epilepsy will develop it.

Symptoms

The symptoms of refractory epilepsy are seizures despite taking anti-seizure medication. Your seizures could take different forms and last from a few seconds to a few minutes.

You may have convulsions, which means you can't stop your body from shaking.

When you have a seizure, you may also:

Black out

Lose control of your bowels or bladder

Stare into space

Fall down suddenly

Get stiff muscles

Bite your tongue

Getting a Diagnosis

Your doctor has several ways to diagnose refractory epilepsy. They may ask you questions such as:

How often do you have seizures?

Do you ever skip doses of your medicine?

Does epilepsy run in your family?

Do you still have seizures after taking medicine?

Your doctor may also give you a test called an electroencephalogram. To do this, they'll place metal discs called electrodes on your scalp that measure brain activity.

Other tests might include a CT scan of your brain. It's a powerful X-ray that makes detailed pictures of the inside of your body.

You might also need to get an MRI of your brain. It uses magnets and radio waves to make pictures of your brain.

If you need surgery to treat refractory epilepsy, these tests can help doctors find out where your seizures are starting.

Your doctor will most likely want you to report your symptoms regularly. They may try several drugs at different doses.

Questions for Your Doctor

What might be causing my seizures?

Which tests are needed to diagnose refractory epilepsy?

Should I see an epilepsy specialist?

What treatments are available for refractory epilepsy?

What precautions should I take to avoid getting injured during a seizure?

Are there any limits on my activities?

Treatment

Medications.��Your doctor may take a second look at the drugs you're taking. They may suggest another medicine, either alone or combined with other drugs, to see if it helps you have fewer seizures.

Many drugs can treat epilepsy, including:

Brivaracetam (Briviact)

Cannabidiol (Epidiolex)

Carbamazepine (Carbatrol, Tegretol)

Cenobamate (Xcopri)

Clobazam (Sympazan)

Divalproex (Depakote)

Dilantin (Phenytek)

Eslicarbazepine (Aptiom)

Felbamate (Felbatol)

Gabapentin (Neurontin)

Lamotrigine (Lamictal)

Levetiracetam (Keppra)

Oxcarbazepine (Trileptal)

Perampanel (Fycompa)

Potiga (Ezogabine)

Primidone (Mysoline)

Rufinamide (Banzel)

Tiagabine (Gabitril)

Topiramate (Topamax)

Vigabatrin (Sabril)

Zonisamide (Zonegram)

Surgery. If you still have seizures after trying two or three anti-epilepsy drugs, your doctor might recommend brain surgery.

It can help a lot if your epilepsy only affects one side of your brain. Doctors call that refractory partial epilepsy.

A surgeon removes the area of your brain that's responsible for your seizures.

It's natural to worry about brain surgery and to wonder if it will affect the way you think or if you'll seem like a different person afterward. Talk with your doctor about what to expect if you choose the surgery or if you don't, so you can weigh the risks and benefits. A lot of people who have the surgery say that getting free of seizures -- or at least making them less common and less intense -- makes them feel much better.

The surgeon usually operates on an area of your head that's behind your hairline, so you won't have noticeable scars.

After it's done, you'll probably need to stay in an intensive care unit of the hospital for a few days. After that, you'll move to a regular hospital room, where you may need to stay for up to 2 weeks.

You should take it easy for a while after you get back home, but you'll probably be able to return to a normal routine in 1 to 3 months. Even with the surgery, you might need to take seizure medication for a few years. You might need to stay on the drugs for the rest of your life.

Talk to your doctor about any side effects you might have from the surgery. You can ask them to put you in touch with other people who've had the surgery, so you can better understand what to expect.

Diet. The ketogenic diet helps some people with epilepsy. It's a high-fat, low-protein, no carb diet. You have to start it in a specific way and follow it strictly, so you need a doctor's supervision.

Your doctor will watch closely to see whether or when you can lower any of your medication levels. Because the diet is so specific, you may need to take vitamin or mineral supplements.

Doctors aren't sure why the ketogenic diet works, but some studies show that children with epilepsy who stay on the diet have a better chance of reducing their seizures or their medications.

For some people, a modified Atkins diet may work, too. It's slightly different from the ketogenic diet. You don't have to restrict calories, protein, or fluids. Also, you don't weigh or measure foods. Instead, you track carbohydrates.

People with seizures that are hard to treat have also tried a low-glycemic-index diet. This diet focuses on the type of carbs, as well as the amount that someone eats.

Electrical stimulation, also known as neuromodulation. This technology works directly on your nerves. It changes or controls nerve activity by sending electrical signals or medicine to a specific area. Methods include:

Cortical stimulation. Temporary electrodes are placed on the surface of your brain. The doctor sends a signal through them at a level low enough that you won’t notice. If it helps, they can be replaced with permanent electrodes for continuous stimulation.

Closed-loop stimulation. The doctor implants a device under your scalp and within your skull. It’s connected to two electrodes placed either on the surface of your brain, in the brain, or both. The electrodes record your brain waves. When the neurostimulator detects seizure-like activity, it sends a small electrical current to your brain that can stop, shorten, or maybe prevent the seizure.

Deep brain stimulation. The doctor implants thin electrodes deep into certain areas of your brain and a pulse generator under your collarbone. Wires under your skin connect the two. The pulse generator sends signals to disrupt abnormal patterns of brain activity.

Vagus nerve stimulation (VNS). The doctor puts a device that looks like a heart pacemaker under your left collarbone. It connects to the vagus nerve in your neck through a wire that runs under your skin. The device sends a current to the nerve, which may cut down on the number of seizures you get or make them less intense.

Clinical trials. You may want to ask your doctor if you could take part in a clinical trial. These trials test new drugs to see if they're safe and if they work. They're often a way for people to try new medicine that isn't yet available to everyone.

Taking Care of Yourself

Stress can sometimes trigger seizures. Talking to a counselor is a great way to find solutions to manage your stress.

Try going to a support group, too. You can talk with people who know what you're going through and who give advice from their own experience.

What to Expect

Even though you have refractory epilepsy, it's still possible to get your seizures under control. It may be a matter of switching to a different treatment.

Your doctor may find a different drug combination that helps. Getting electrical stimulation of the vagus nerve means fewer seizures for about 40% of people who try it. And if a brain surgeon can remove the part of the brain that's causing seizures, the seizures may stop, or at least happen less often and become less intense.

Getting Support

As you are finding out what works best, you'll need a strong network of family and friends who can offer emotional support, especially if your seizures prove hard to control. Having a trusted person to listen to you can be a great comfort when you're going through something tough.

Ask your doctor for information on support groups in your area. You can also find out about support groups by going to the website of the Epilepsy Foundation.

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What Is Epilepsy Surgery?

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[strawberrysoup]

Pocketful of Posies || Chapter 2

You’d been hiding for years and years now; from your  family, from society, from alphas and packs. Suppressants were dangerous but effective and necessary for an omega who refused to be owned—but no suppressants were strong enough to fool the nose of a super soldier, who together with his pack would stop at nothing to bind you to them forever.

pairings: dark!Avengers x reader word length: 5k chapters: 2/? warnings: A/B/O dynamics, power imbalances, noncon and dubcon sexual situations, loss of autonomy, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat — this is a dark!fic, read at your own risk. Open the read more and CTRL + F, search “content warnings” to skip to detailed trigger warnings at the bottom of the chapter.

hey read this: im desperately hoping this lives up to the standards the first chapter apparently set my dudes, fingers crossed i don’t lose any of you with this one 🤞🤞 also before we get started i just wanna let yall know i am very firmly set in my decisions for the designations and i do not apologize lmao 🤙 

You had been manhandled often enough in your life but fuck this time in particular. Even if you’d managed to pass as a beta for more than a decade, you weren’t strong and couldn’t stand your ground in the face of an alpha three times your size. Steve had sucked his fingers clean and easily hefted you up into his arms, following Bruce back into the cabin and down into the basement—you hadn’t been allowed to clean the basement, it was one of the off-limits areas that were noted in your many instructions. If a door is locked, leave it alone. No cleaning is necessary in the basement, garage, or third floor. Wash the linens with a scent free detergent. Make sure the refrigerator is properly scrubbed out.

He’d left you on a metal countertop with instructions to be good for Bruce. You weren’t sure what that entailed but as soon as the blond left the room, your mind started to race. There was no way you could get away from Steve, Sam you could potentially outrun, but Bruce? Being left alone with the beta was the best thing they could’ve done for you. You could get away from Bruce.

“Have you been to see a doctor recently?” His voice was gentle, intended to be soothing as he came to stand in front of you. "Any check-ups, clinic visits?”

You knew there was blood drying on your cracked lips, cutting a jarring path down your throat. The taste was still in your mouth, you’d gouged your tongue and it was still actively bleeding. With that in mind you made direct eye contact with the beta before letting the mouthful spill over your bottom lip and drip down your front, hoping the gore would help emphasize your opinions on the situation.

“Sweetheart, I know you’re upset—”

“Bruce, why is she bleeding?” It was like getting punched in the face by alpha pheromones the moment the door to the room opened again and a much younger alpha stepped through with a practically panicked expression.

Before you or Bruce could respond you’d been swept up in the alpha’s arms. He was a few years younger than you, early twenties probably and being manhandled by a fetus was particularly bothersome. His scent kept you still for a few seconds before you started squirming, making a beta-like snarl while he corralled your limbs.

“Here Pete, can you sit with her over here? We need a blood draw and full work up, her natural hormones have probably been devastated by the chemicals in the suppressants she was taking,” Bruce gestured for the alpha to carry you to a metal table, likely meant to be used for some sort of experiments if the rest of the room was anything to judge by. "All of her reproductive organs could’ve been affected, I’ll need to do a pelvic exam. We’ll run an STD panel and—”

“No! I don’t consent!” Your voice came out as a growl, the best one you could manage. "This is false imprisonment! Let go of me you fucking knothead! This is illegal!”

The alpha started to purr immediately and you found yourself rendered boneless under the onslaught. It was startling—you’d forgotten how it felt, how calm and safe it made you feel. Alpha purrs were meant to soothe and comfort, the tones perfectly adjusted to the omega ear. They also caused a completely involuntary reaction in omegas, the same as all other alpha sounds. You had no choice but to feel relaxed, the white noise of a purr jumbling your thoughts.

Bruce smiled down at you, hand running over the top of your head where it rested against the alpha’s chest. "It’s okay, you don’t have to be afraid. I won’t let anything happen to you, I just want to make sure you’re healthy.”

“Isn’t that better baby?” The alpha sat back on the table and pulled you to sit between his legs, tucked close to his chest. “And unless you have a guardian alpha, it’s not illegal. We’re doing our civic duty, taking care of an omega in unsafe conditions.”

The worst part was that you couldn’t fight it; you couldn’t find your way out of the calm static the purr filled your brain with. Even when Bruce started taking multiple vials of blood from your left arm, when he opened your mouth to check the damage to your tongue, when they started undressing you, you couldn’t fight. It was a hazy sort of half thought, that you wanted them to stop. It must’ve been apparent in your eyes, that you were trying to work your way out of the purr’s effects.

“Shhhh, sweetheart, you’re alright,” Bruce murmured quietly as his hands pressed the glands in your neck, fingers brushing gently against the scent gland in particular. "No swelling in your thyroid or mating nodes, that’s good. Suppressants can really cause problems in your hormone glands; the blood tests will tell us for sure but it looks like you might’ve dodged the worst of it if nothing’s enflamed. How long have you been on suppressants?”

Answering was the last thing on your mind, your eyes slowly roving over the room instead. It was some sort of lab set up, tons of machines and parts of machines, technology you couldn’t even begin to comprehend. Bruce had been taking things from one particular cabinet that seemed to hold medical supplies, the rest of the place resembling a robotics factory or some kind of high-tech research and development lab. The doors had swished open automatically when Steve brought you in and when the new alpha came through. Who had automatic doors in a vacation home?

“Should I stop?” The alpha questioned the doctor, chest continuing to rumble. “I might be making her too calm I guess.”

“No, just keep doing what you’re doing Peter,” Bruce sighed slightly. "There’s too much coherence in her eyes as it is, I don’t know if the purr affects her as much as it should. I’m worried that if you weren’t enhanced it wouldn’t work at all. Look at me sweetie, can you focus on face?”

His hands cupped your cheeks, tilting your head carefully while watching your eyes. You couldn’t find the energy to focus on his face; you couldn’t imagine the purr affecting you more than it already was and dreaded the idea that it could be worse. What did enhanced mean? Like the superheroes you’d been hearing about? You didn’t keep up on current events, unless they were Omega's Rights related.

“I’m sure it’s a result of the beta chemicals dampening her omega instincts,” Peter shifted you slightly as Bruce exchanged his gloves for a new pair. "Once her body starts producing hormones on its own again she should revert back to common responses to alpha stimuli.”

“You’re probably right, we’ll know for sure once I get the blood results,” Bruce gestured for Peter to sit up more, bringing your limp body with him. “I’m going to do a breast exam and a pelvic exam and we’re done. There are some other tests I want to run but I don’t have the equipment on hand so they’ll have to wait until Tony manages to get here. Peter, can you help move her arms?”

You felt like you almost managed to swim through the purr, rage fueling you as hands manipulated your breasts. The exam itself was clinical, professional even—or it would’ve been if he hadn’t been cooing at you the whole time, how good you were being, how sweet you were, how pretty your breasts were. Peter had hummed in agreement along with the doctor, his nose trailing up and down your neck. Your hands clenched into fists and you could feel Peter’s grip on your wrists shift with the movement.

“Calm down, baby,” the alpha’s voice cooed gently against the side of your head, lips pressing into your hair as Bruce shifted away and went for the medical cabinet again. "This is important. Suppressants could’ve caused tons of problems, cancerous growths in sexual organs or secondary sex characteristics is very common.”

Death would be a reprieve. The same thought that crossed your mind any time you considered the potential effects of suppressants. A reprieve from the hiding, the exhaustion, living out of your car or a tent, eating garbage because it was all you could afford—from the constant threat of having your autonomy ripped from your hands.

You relaxed your fists until you felt his grip loosen again, even if only slightly. Your only chance would be to rely on surprise and your speed, there was no other way you’d be able to get away. Forcing your body to relax was a trial though, adrenaline was starting to course through you the more you became used to the effects of the purr. Your scent was still massively dampened by the suppressants, Peter likely wouldn’t be able to smell the shift from fear to anticipation. You bit down on the sluggishly bleeding wound on your tongue, reigniting both the pain and blood flow.

“Alright, last part, we’re almost done and then we’ll get you comfortable, okay?” Bruce was wearing new gloves again, a bottle in hand as he walked back over. "Have you had a pelvic exam before?”

You waited until he was close enough and performed what seemed to be your go to act of defiance: spitting blood directly in his face. He reared back with a short curse, Peter immediately releasing your wrists—his goal was likely to readjust you in his lap, to gain a better hold, but you were fast, faster than an alpha (always faster than alphas, it was all you had). You’d slipped from his lap and darted for the automatic doors before either of them could respond. Running through the woods naked was the lesser evil.

Steel bands. You should’ve noticed, the doors opened too soon for them to be reacting to your presence, you were so focused on getting through. But the moment you did, it felt like steel bands wrapped around your torso, pinning your arms.

The alpha’s scent was like Steve’s—the moment your brain registered it the world went hazy. You were floating, body going limp for a precious few seconds that the alpha used to sweep you into his arms and stalk further into the room. Your senses came back just in time for you to be deposited back into Peter’s lap on the table, a massive blond alpha coming into view for the first time. Your gaze was immediately stuck on his, the heterochromatic eyes nearly hypnotizing. Fighting the daze he put you in was overwhelming, especially when a wide smile split his lips and his cheeks dimpled. One massive hand reached out, almost engulfing the entire lower half of your face.

“Hello little love.” Were alphas always as insanely massive as this one and Steve, or had you just stumbled across literally your worst nightmare? “They told me you’re a flighty thing, I suppose I arrived just in time, hm? Are you going to spit blood in my face as well? It seems to be your calling card.”

The look on your face must’ve betrayed the fact that you were really, really considering it. You had a mouthful of blood and nowhere to put it but his face, honestly. Instead you used the fact that Peter was mostly propping you up to lean over the edge of the table and proceeded to open your mouth, spilling blood down onto the alpha’s shoes nice white shoes.

“I wouldn’t challenge her,” Bruce’s voice drew your attention to where he was using a towel to wipe blood off his glasses, a wry smile and affection clear on his face. "She’s putting a lot of effort into being belligerent.”

The blond alpha rumbled with a grin, thumb brushing across your cheekbone. "It’s been a stressful day for her, there’s nothing she can do that will cause any persisting damage anyway. Let her have her little rebellions.”

You wanted to be furious—what kind of asshole looked a person dead in the eyes and called their attempts to escape false imprisonment little rebellions?—but Peter seemed to have realized where your train of thought had gone because he started purring immediately. Your spine went boneless, laying you flat against his chest.

“Can you lean up against the wall with her?” Bruce directed the younger alpha to shift until both of your legs were dangling over the edge, Peter’s back to the wall the table sat against. “You’re going to need to hold her in place, even while you purr. Alright sweetie, let’s get this out of the way. Thor, will you hold her leg please?”

The sound you made was an accident. Desperation and humiliation were crawling up your spine with astounding speed, even with Peter’s purr going like a motorboat and the sound  was making it too hard to think through your instincts. Omega cries were a deliberate counterpart to the noises alphas made; whines and cries and hisses, perfectly pitched to make an alpha’s hindbrain stand at attention. The sound you made was a sharp, chirping whine—distress, distress, distress, help me, help me help m—

“Oh little love,” Thor’s voice had dropped several registers and he gently shuffled Bruce to the side so he could stand in front of you, slipping as close to the table as possible and tugging your legs to rest on either side of his hips and gently running his hands over your skin. “Let’s get you taken care of, you need rest.”

The pheromones he was putting out were meant to calm but you immediately opened your mouth, using the overwhelming scent of your own blood to drown them out. The alpha sighed and stepped aside again, taking your leg with him and spreading your thigh to rest over Peter’s leg with your foot planted on the table. A whine rose in your throat again but you locked it down, instead biting down on your tongue yet again. It was as grounding as it was painful, the tang of it souring your stomach.

It was your last coherent thought, that you were starting to feel nauseous from all of the blood you'd swallowed. Thor began to purr just after that and the sound was entirely devastating, bone deep and you went completely limp, your head falling to the side against Peter’s chest and your shoulders dropping. This is what acid felt like, you were pretty sure.

Your eyes lazily followed Bruce’s path as the doctor took his place between your legs again, lifting the other into a matching position. Some part of you was fully aware of how gut wrenching this was; completely naked and spread wide in front of two alphas and a beta, a situation you’d rather kill yourself than be in, but your brain couldn’t follow any emotional tethers while Thor purred. The doctor was speaking, you could feel his hands manipulating your vulva, but you couldn’t understand anything coming out of his mouth.

Peter’s hand came to your chin and tilted your head back until you could see him, smiling down at you. His mouth moved, your eyes almost able to track the movement of his lips enough to read them but your brain gave up halfway through. The two alphas were chuckling over something but you were distracted by the discomfort of something being inserted into your vagina. A sharp yip escaped your lips, your body still completely boneless as your eyes rolled down.

“It’s a speculum, sweetie, I’m sorry it’s uncomfortable,” it sounded like Bruce was talking underwater and you could almost feel his breath on your thigh, your mind irritatingly unable to think beyond the question 'who just keeps a fucking speculum lying around?' "Just a few more seconds while I get a pap smear.”

More discomfort came before the instrument was removed, another yip leading Peter to purr along side Thor. The rest of the exam was a blur, slippery fingers and pressure and foreign sensations. You could barely think, let alone realize that Bruce was finishing up the manual exam, when your eyes noticed movement behind them. You couldn’t really make out anything, nothing would focus, but you assumed it was Steve and Sam.

There were more voices but you couldn’t hear anything for an indeterminate amount of time. It wasn’t until Thor stopped purring again that you were able to start regaining your senses, as much as the continuous rumbling in Peter’s chest would allow. The difference between the sounds the two alphas produced was marked by your sudden ability to focus your eyes, to concentrate on voices, in the way your muscular control was slowly returning.

You were almost glad the young alpha was still purring—it meant that the spike of terror that tried to shoot through you was somewhat dulled, enough that it wouldn’t show in your scent. Sam and Steve had indeed come in, accompanied by a young woman with long auburn hair and porcelain skin, a beta from the scent. As soon as she made eye contact with you she smiled vibrantly, slipping forward and sneaking between your still spread thighs.

“You’re so beautiful,” she murmured, long fingers stroking absently against your neck as she leaned in, forcing your back tighter against Peter’s chest. "Will you let me see your trauma my love?”

Some sort of red miasma filled your vision, a fog you quickly realized was coming from her hands—and realization slammed into you like a freight train. You seen that before, in passing. And then the recognition made you nauseous—Thor. You didn’t keep up with current events, but certain names you couldn’t miss. Thor, Tony Stark, Captain America. Your eyes flashed to the blond man standing towards the back of the room; Captain America, Steve Rogers.

Desperation shot through your body like you’d been tazed. Your foot shot out of Thor’s hold, the alpha hadn’t been putting any actual effort into holding you still since you’d been so dazed, and connected with the woman’s chest to send her reeling. Before anyone else could respond, your throat rasped for several seconds before a warbling shriek escaped. The four alphas in the vicinity reacted like they’d been shot; Thor and Steve both stumbled back, and Sam’s knees practically gave out, sending him careening into the wall. Behind you, Peter, far too close to the source, immediately went limp.

There were several distress calls an omega could make. Most of the time, they were whines or chirps, noises meant to draw attention from packmates. They were small, careful sounds—nothing loud enough to attract attention from a foreign alpha or delta. Omegas were quarry to be stolen, after all, which was precisely why they had one, singular method of defending themselves against their biggest biological threat and that was a shriek.

When in close proximity, the sound was loud enough and tuned just so to daze an alpha’s hindbrain. The evolutionary explanation was that a loud shriek meant that an omega being confronted by an aggressive alpha could both temporarily stun their attacker and summon assistance—alphas or deltas, far enough away that the negative effects were nullified but within proximity to hear that an omega was in danger. The assumption being, of course, that an omega who shrieked was in danger from a stranger, not a packmate.

It only worked for a very short time though, any alpha or delta in the area would immediately converge on the omega’s location and deal with the problem—it was the reason you hadn’t used it outside. There was no reason for the effects to last when it summoned immediate assistance, though, and that meant you needed to move. You slid off the table, bare feet slapping tile as you just barely managed to dodge Bruce’s grasp. The woman, the witch from the news, was on the floor clutching her sternum.

The stairs were a blur, so was the foyer and the driveway. You hesitated at your car for all of ten seconds before running for the forest; your keys were in the pocket of your jeans, back down in the basement. Abandoning all of your possessions hurt somewhere deep in your heart but there wasn’t any time for sentiment. You had to get away, quickly.

Luckily the woods had become your home a long time ago. You moved between the trees silently, feet so heavily calloused from constantly going barefoot that you didn’t even notice the twigs and sharp stones digging into your flesh. Your brain shot into overtime. You needed to steal clothes, then cash. You’d lived with nothing for years, you could do it again for however long you needed to. The only thing you really needed was suppressants; everything else was a luxury.

You assumed they were behind you, you’d been running for a good three minutes. The straight path meant they could follow you easier but the goal had to be the maximum distance possible rather than the most strategic pattern. Your only advantage was being fast and you had no choice but to rely on it, especially since your hindbrain was wailing with every step you took. The suppressants were the only reason you could do it at all, the trade off for quieting those damn instincts being a tolerable mildness of character that did not appreciate the constant, incessant shriek of your baser self while you were trying to focus. 

All you had to do was keep quiet until you could find one of the creeks running through the forest—so close to Lake Superior there was water everywhere. You would run through the creek in several different places, to mask your scent and make it difficult to follow. It wouldn’t be hard to find a hunting blind or shack, a hole in the ground was better than going back there. The moment your eyes caught on running water you dove into it, covering yourself with mud before jumping back up to continue running.  

Captain America was super fast and you’d bet the rest of them were similar if not the same and you needed more distance. Somewhere in the back of your mind, prey behavior was setting in. Natural selection had driven your existence, you were the result of thousands of years of evolution, and the life you’d lived meant you were far more adapted to being hunted than most omegas. You were vulnerable but not helpless and as you coated yourself in more mud from a different part of the creek, chemosensory instincts started rattling through you.  

They were coming. Your scent was inhibited by the suppressant’s and that made it harder for them to follow you but they were doing their best. Combined with the water and the mud, your scent was very difficult to pin down, even for a super soldier. You contemplated climbing a tree to hide, but the insane memory of how keen the noses of the pack following you were spurred you on. You kept running, covering yourself in mud two more times, before finding a tree with a massive tangle of roots at the bottom. Fighting whatever creature had made a home down there was worth it—it went deep, was heavily covered by underbrush and detritus from the trees, but most importantly it was surrounded by wild bergamot in full bloom.  

It smelled lovely, spicy and floral with a citrusy overtone. You crawled through the dirt, wiggling between the roots and carefully avoiding crushing any plants or branches that could give you away. Whatever lived in there was out, likely foraging, and you took the creature’s absence to your advantage and pressed as far back into the hole as possible.  

You weren’t tired, despite the long, exhausting day and the fucking trauma. Another small grace that adaption had provided was that once an omega began producing adrenaline, sleep became unnecessary—it was actually considered a very unenviable omega trait in the general population, but you’d found it’s uses worth the unpleasant side effects. Your heart would continue to race for the next several hours, your pupils wouldn’t return to normal for potentially days and your blood sugar had sky rocketed and that was going to be a nightmare for how ever long it lasted. 

The waiting was going to hurt—there was nothing to pass the time and you had to actively focus on not being terrified or your omega scent could seep through, oh, what was it now? Five coats of mud from the creek, a significant amount of bergamot, and fifteen years of whatever the fuck suppressants did to your scent over time.

It wasn’t ten minutes later that you heard them. Stealth wasn’t their objective, that was clear from the amount of noise they made. You could hear Steve and Peter calling your name, although you didn’t know how they knew it. Thor was speaking, his tone low but certainly not quiet. They weren’t even moving that fast, walking almost leisurely.

“She’ll need to bathe and eat. Clint and Natasha are finishing up in New York. Steve, have you heard from Tony or Bucky? Carol?”  

“Tony’s wrapping up, should be flying over pretty soon. Carol and Bucky were on their way up but I gave them a list of things to grab while they’re going through the bigger cities. Shouldn’t be too much longer for them either though.” 

Steve and Thor were different than Sam or Peter. You couldn’t pin down exactly what had set your teeth on edge, but the scent the two blond alphas gave off was different. Their pheromones were worse, more infectious. Eye contact with Steve had made your hindbrain beg to go to him, regardless of the rationality you could usually manage thanks to the suppressants. You could remember the feel of Thor’s hand on like it was seared into your skin instead, you wanted him to never not be touching you ever again—

If you could’ve slapped yourself without making noise you would’ve. The stupid omega in your brain, that dumb, easy cunt was going to get you killed. You sealed your lips, clenched your teeth and tucked your hands under your bent knees. Night was starting to fall to your benefit, the shadows were getting darker. You were so far back they would have to crouch down and crawl half way in to see you.

If you could keep your wits until they passed you could double back, trying to find your keys would be a wash but you could grab clothes from the back of your ancient Tahoe. You weren’t sure how long you’d been in the basement, but you didn’t think it was long enough for them to have gone through your things.

“Could she have gotten this far?” You held your breath as Sam stopped far too close to your hiding place for comfort.

“Omegas are fast and she seemed faster than most,” Bruce answered. “We’ll know for sure once her blood work comes back, but from her physiology I’d say she presents as a classical omega. She’s probably the first in her family in a long, long time. To have a scream that loud in this day and age? The omega gene must’ve been skipped so long that there was no chance for it to adapt to modern omega qualities.”

“There’ve been some studies suggesting that the classical omega attributes are making a come back in the general population,” Peter’s voice came from much farther away. "They haven’t been peer reviewed enough yet and they haven’t been replicated en masse because they don’t have enough subjects, alphas aren’t exactly thrilled to have their omegas studied, but—”

“The lack of data aside, I assume there’s a correlation between the alphas willing to allow their omegas to participate and the behavior of the omega in question. Do you think—”

“Focus, Bruce,” Steve’s voice was light with affection. "The point is that yes, she could’ve gotten this far or farther. The way she keeps running into the creek is messing up the footprints and—”

Their voices faded as they continued the same linear path you’d been running earlier. The fact that they didn’t even sound a little concerned that you could get away was both insulting and unnerving. You didn’t need alphas having that kind of confidence regarding your behavior—and why weren’t they moving any faster? The paranoia was immediate and overwhelming, what did they know about that you didn’t? Something they assumed would hinder you farther along in the woods? Something they were planning for when they found you? When.

You forced yourself to count slowly to six hundred, waiting what you hoped was a full ten minutes before silently crawling out of your hide. Their scents were everywhere, you could smell where Sam had been standing almost directly over the opening in the roots. They were still too close for comfort and you turned, running back through the forest. Your feet were starting to feel sore, usually you’d at least watch where you stepped but there just wasn’t time—you had to get away before they could enact their plans.

The clearing the cabin sat in was coming up and you forced yourself to slow as you approached the tree line, keeping a careful eye out for the beta woman. You couldn’t remember what her call sign was, something to do with witches, and you definitely didn’t want her using that red magic stuff on your head.

The extra seconds of waiting paid off, watching her pace the porch for a few moments before her phone rang. She answered, walking inside and closing the doors behind her. You didn’t wait an extra second, darting across the clearing to where you car was sitting in the driveway with the trunk popped. They must’ve started going through your things but stopped part of the way through.

You could see one of your go bags though, squished between your rolled up sleeping bag and tent. The straps of the bag squeaked with how hard you yanked it out, hesitating slightly—instinct told you to leave the sleeping bag, but you’d grown used to the luxury of it and leaving the stupid thing behind made you decidedly sad. You tossed the straps of the go bag over your shoulder and turned away, knowing it would slow you down and—

There was an Iron Man suit standing directly behind you, gauntlets rested on the hips and the head cocked to the side. You froze, as if staying still could prevent it from noticing you. Fuck, you hoped there wasn’t a man in there. A stupid thought, you considered as you stared silently, trying to decide if there was any way out. Hope was a joke at this point but you didn’t have anything else.

“Hi princess,” it was a distinctly human voice, if filtered. "Hope I didn’t miss too much of the fun.”

  content warning: nonconsensual medical procedures, general noncon touching/assault.

edited 7/9/21 - still on hiatus

[onechicagorpf]

Not A Stranger - Part 3

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader (Chicago Med intern)

Waking up in bed next to a random naked guy after a drunken night out usually sucks, but eh, whatever. you’ll never see him again, right? Well except this time, random naked guy turns out to be your ED attending’s little brother, so maybe you’re a little bit screwed…

Read Part 1 here Read Part 2 here Read Part 4 here

Warnings: SMUT. A little bit of R-rated smut! Swearing, the usual cuss words. Some angst/PTSD, although it’s not overtly discussed. Dubious medical content (discussion of amputation & blood), some of which has been shamelessly lifted from a season 3 episode of Code Black!

A/N: So there’s definitely going to be a Part 4, lol! I’ll try and have it out by this time next week. Send me asks/messages/leave a note if you liked this and want to see more - it really makes me feel so much less insecure about my writing ahaha! Also do send me short prompts or requests that I can fill as blurbs (i.e. nothing that’s going to be a several chapter story - I will request those later on!) - preferably for Jay but I can do Will as well! Female!Halstead sibling is also okay :) Anyway enough talking, enjoy!

PS: I make mention of bearded Jay in this chapter; this gif is totally the version of him I had in my head for this chapter!

"Walter Holden. 16 years old, victim of an auto accident, came in with a dislocated right leg."

There's droplets of rain on the other side of the windows. It blurs the view - all of a sudden, the buildings you can usually see from the 13th floor of the hospital are just fuzzy, beige blocks.

"Preliminary exam showed no other major trauma, and his vital signs were strong. His leg just had to be reset."

A shudder goes down your spine - was the hospital's conference room always this cold? Well, you don't know - you've never been in here before.

"Dr Halstead advised 10 mil of morphine, but the patient refused pain medication, and the leg was reset. It was at this point that Dr Halstead handed the patient off to Dr Y/L/N, requesting her to evaluate his leg for blood flow."

There's been a strange tapping noise for the last 5 minutes, but only now do you realise it's your fingers against the oval, wooden table.

"Dr Y/L/N? Dr Y/L/N!" You snap out of your reverie and look up. Dr Lanik's glaring at you. You apologise. He takes his seat, next to Mrs Goodwin and Will, both of whom send you a soft smile that doesn't quite reach their eyes. They're trying to be reassuring, but it doesn't matter - you're ready to drown yourself.

Clearing your throat, you speak. "I was instructed to evaluate his right leg for blood flow. I did so by checking his pulses, uh, dorsalis pedis and posterior tibialis." You pause, as some of the other occupants in the conference room - all members of the board or lawyers, all wearing pristine suits and a cold, calculating expression - turned to look at each other.

You clear your throat again. "It was a uh, a textbook exam."

"I'm sorry, in which textbook does it say to check for an arterial injury by just palpating a pulse?" Dr Lanik cuts in sharp.  Will closes his eyes, as you struggle to breath normally.

"90% of all patients - "

"I can't hear you, Dr Y/L/N." Dr Lanik's voice booms across the room, and Will's had it.

"This is ridiculous, there's no need to be intimidating her like this - she's a first year resident and - "

"And she was satisfied with a pulse check to evaluate blood flow? Do I need to remind everyone here that the acceptable course of action in this scenario is to order a doppler or an ABI? That boy's leg was sitting for ages without proper blood flow, and eventually the best we could do for him was amputate it."

Will shakes his head vehemently. "Pathology's looked over the leg - they determined that the severity of the accident combined with the amount of time it took CFD to extricate Holden from the car meant that his leg wasn't viable before he even stepped into the ED." Will turns to you, his eyes piercing as he spoke directly to you.

"There was nothing you could've done that would've changed the outcome. Nothing."

You take a deep breath. You don't nod.

"Alright, we've heard everything we need to hear." The head of the legal department says, after a few moments of discussion with the board members. "Given the findings from Pathology, we will not be terminating Dr Y/L/N's employment here at Chicago Med. However, we recommend that her OR privileges be revoked, and that she is attached to an attending for a duration of 2 months, by which point hopefully she will learn that not every case is a textbook case." She stares directly at you. "Dismissed." Chairs scrape against the floor as everyone makes their leave.

Will places his hand on your shoulder, and you realise you haven't moved even after everyone's left.

His voice is soft. "We all make mistakes. And - "

"I could've been the reason he lost his leg. If he'd come in with ample time to save the leg, and I just - and I just didn't realise it, I could've been the reason a kid had to lose a leg." There's tears in your eyes as you turn to look at Will, who just sighs.

"Yeah. But that's not what happened."

"I got lucky." You shrug, tears freely streaming down your face now. "I just got lucky."

Will doesn't say anything. He just hugs you.

***

It's not the kind of thing you just get over, you realise, because it's been 5 days since it happened but you can't get it out of your head. You've been barely getting any sleep; often you jerk awake in the middle of the night or the early hours of the morning, after which it's next to impossible to fall asleep again. It's also affecting your work more than just making you tired - you keep second-guessing your medical judgements, deferring to Will or Natalie or Ethan for anything and everything. None of them bite at you for it, because they know what's going on and they know what you're going through, but some part of you wishes they would. Wishes that they'd just grab you by the shoulders and shake you, and say "Be a damn doctor."

Dr Charles met with you for lunch earlier today, and you lamented your troubles. The kind and thoughtful psychiatrist patiently listened, before giving you some wisdom you needed to hear. Amongst which was "find a distraction".

"You mean focus on something else?" You asked, chasing a watermelon cube at the bottom of your fruit cup.

"Yeah, but it's a little bit of a dangerous tactic. See, you don't want to distract yourself from dealing with the pain and the guilt you feel, because emotions don't tend to go away when you suppress them like that. But if you're having trouble processing it, it can be helpful to take your mind off of it for a while, wait til some time has passed and it's not so...intense. And maybe then it'll be easier to tackle and get over, y'know?" Dr Charles advised and you nodded, taking it in.

You think about what exactly you could do to distract yourself as you finish your shift and make your way towards your car in the parking lot.

Maybe I should take up painting?

The thought of yourself - little miss notoriously bad at anything artsy - trying to paint has you chuckling softly. You're about to give up on this whole distract yourself thing when, as if on cue, your phone buzzes with a text message. You get into your car, turn on the heating, and pull out your phone.

J.H. 11:32PM

So...guess who's back :)

You can't help the smile on your face. Jay's been undercover for the past week - it actually got started the next morning after the night you went over for "hockey". He'd gotten a text early in the morning asking him to come in, and so the two of you had actually barely spoken since...the festivities of that night.

You 11:33PM

Congrats, detective :)

J.H. 11:33PM

Wanna come over and help me celebrate?

Huh. Well maybe Dr Charles wasn't off-target with the whole "distract yourself" thing - although you're positive having meaningless sex is probably not one of the healthy methods of distraction that he was envisioning.

But quickly, you realise it doesn't matter - ever since what happened, you haven't been sleeping well at night. It's been close to 6 days and you're wrecked, so maybe some good, tires-you-out-completely sex is exactly what you need?

You 11:34PM

Be there in 15

 J.H. 11:34PM

Can't wait :)

 Your lips curve into a smile as you pull out of the parking lot and down into the main road.

***

"I've been waiting to do this...for so long..." Jay murmurs in your ear before pressing kisses down the side of your neck, his hands roaming all over your body. You tilt your head to the side, exposing the expanse of your neck to him.

“It’s only been…a couple ‘a days…” You reply softly, and you feel Jay’s huffs of soft laughter into your neck. You turn to look at him, pulling away. “What?”

There’s a teasing smile on his face. “Most women take it as a compliment if a guy says he hasn’t stopped thinking about her.”

You shake you head, putting on a teasing look, “Uh-uh, that’s not what you said, you said you’ve been wanting to do this – ”

“It was implied – ”

“It wasn’t implied and even if it was – ”

“It was implied and even if it wasn’t, that’s still a compliment.” Jay says pointedly, a huge grin on his face. You narrow your eyes at him, trying to hide the growing smile on your face. He chuckles, seeing right through you.

You smack his arm. “You keep laughing at me in bed and I’m gonna get mad.” This gets Jay full-on laughing, and your jaw drops in pretend-outrage. “You fucking – ”

“No, no, no c’mere – ” Jay pacifies you, leaning over you, arms on either side of you as he starts to kiss your face, your jaw, the corner of your mouth. But there’s still the slightest smile pulling up the corners of his lips, and when he presses them to your lips, you can’t help but laugh into the kiss. Jay reaches up and holds your face, the kiss becoming soft, loving, drawn-out, and some feeling deep in your core tells you you’re just…somewhere else right now. You don’t know how to describe it, other than that everything in this moment feels perfect, feels right.

A shiver goes down your spine, and maybe it’s because Jay’s shifted, and is now sucking a spot on the base of your neck, hard and strong and deep, and his hands are skimming downwards, unbuttoning your soft cotton top before unzipping your jeans. And maybe it’s because you don’t know what the fuck you are doing here, with him, with all of this. You think about how wrong this is, how bad this is, how his brother’s your boss and this was just supposed to be one drunken hookup and then it became two (except you weren’t even drunk that time) and now it’s about to become three –

“Y/N?” Jay calls softly, and you look at him – his hands resting gently over the hem of your panties, his face hovering over the space between your legs, and the look of…almost reverence in his shining green eyes.

You stop thinking.

Your hands reach downward, sliding your panties off and Jay eagerly helps, getting them off completely. Just like last time, Jay draws out the foreplay – kissing, licking, and nipping at the skin of your inner thighs, making the heat in your core build. Running your fingers through his dark hair, you yank it a little to get him to get going, and he pinches your hip – a quick slap of the wrist. Laughing, you repeat the action, pulling on his hair, and he groans.

“You’re real impatient, you know?”

“Jayyyyyyyy,” You whine, pouting down at him. He’s got this look of a predator – a confident, cocky smile on his face. Jay dips his head down, his mouth making contact with your cunt.

“There we go,” You murmur, gasping as you feel his hot breath on your most sensitive regions. Jay’s hands grip tight into your supple skin, holding your thighs open for him as his tongue circles your opening. Your back arcs as you moan, the sensation of his tongue on you setting off what feels like fireworks in your head. Jay’s mouth presses into you, hard and deep, his tongue licking and lapping at your now sopping wet cunt.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck – ” You whisper, eyelids fluttering shut as Jay softly flicks his tongue over your clit. He repeats the motion, going up and down, teasing your clit and your hip jerks upwards sharply in response. Settling your ass back down against his soft sheets, you catch your breath and mutter a soft apology – “Shit, sorry,” – and Jay taps your thigh, a silent “don’t worry about it”, as he’s nosed his way back between your legs immediately.

Jay laps at your folds and you try to keep your head about you, try to not lose your mind, but it just feels so good. He sucks your clit into his mouth gently and your eyes roll into the back of your head. “Oh my god, ohhh my god – fuck!” You whimper, as he keeps sucking your clit, pausing to flick his tongue over it. Your fingers clutch the sheets around you hard enough to rip holes in them. The loud moans out of your mouth are bordering on screams. The feeling in your core, the heat, starts rising like a wave reaching a shore –

“I’m gonna – I’m gonna – I’m gonna – ah, ah, ahhhh – fuck! Fuck, fuck – Jay! Jay!” You scream, your vision whiting out completely as you arch off the bed, riding out the waves of pleasure wrecking your body. You hands fly downwards to grab Jay’s head as you jerk away from his still-working mouth, your oversensitive clit causing tears to pool in your eyes. Pulling him up, you whisper his name over and over again, like he’s the only gospel you know. Jay shifts up, laying down next to you and pulling you close, your bodies fitting into each other like a perfect pair of puzzle pieces. You look at him through your teary eyes and all you see are his green irises staring right back at you with a measure of something dark and lustful in them. You hold his face in your hands, running a thumb over the rough stubble of his cheeks, his jaw, where a soft beard has started to grow. His lips are glossy and wet, from you, and you see now there’s a soft pink line going across his nose that you trace with your hands, frowning.

“I’m okay,” Jay says in a soothing voice.

“What happened?” You ask, concerned, the frown between your eyebrows deepening as you look up at him.

A soft smile. “Kinda got into a fight. Guy tried to punch me, I dodged it, but his fingernail scratched me. It’s fine.” Jay replies quickly, and his face is so close to yours that you’re breathing the same air. You don’t say anything, but you must still be frowning because Jay speaks again. “It’s literally just a scratch.” You hum softly in response, running your hands down his front, unbuttoning his shirt, scanning the expanse of his chest and abdomen with your fingertips and your eyes.

Jay lifts your chin and you turn back to him. “What?”

“Are you checking me for other injuries?” He asks, chuckling. You look back down, pausing for a moment. “Maybe…it’s not like you’d tell me if you got hurt, right?” Jay just laughs, and there’s your answer. You ignore the burgeoning feelings in your heart of some kind of dejection.

Your fingers run over a sliver of raised skin, on his lower right flank. It’s a thin, pale pink scar that runs about 3 inches. You work in an ED – you know exactly what this is.

“You were stabbed?” You ask, stunned. “When?”

Jay sighs, grabbing your fingers in his hand and holding them closed. “Army stuff. Not a big deal.” He pushes your fingers away to your own body, and then reaches for the blanket and pulls it up over the two of you, like as if the conversation’s over.

“You don’t want to talk about the Army,” you point out, as Jay lays on his back, some distance between the two of you. He sighs again, looking upwards at the ceiling. “Is that a question or a statement?”

You know you shouldn’t push, but you do anyway.

“You should talk to someone about it  – ”

“I talk to people about it. I have.” Jay’s voice is tight. He’s still not looking at you.

“You can talk to me about it...” You say, and you’re terrified. Because what you’re really asking is “Do you think I’m close enough, do you care about me enough to let me in?”.

Jay turns to you, a soft smile on his face. “It’s fine. I’ve got other people for that.”

Hiding the immense desolation that’s weighing like an anchor on your chest from showing, you just send a shallow smile his way. 

He’s got other people for that. He’s got other people for sharing his feelings, his pain, his suffering, his life. He doesn’t want you for that, I mean, why would he share all of that with you? You’re just a warm body – some random girl he’s having sex with. Nothing more.

You pull the blankets tighter around you, turning away from Jay. Trying your best to quell the wave of sadness flooding what feels like every single part of you, you drift asleep. 

***

“Dr Y/N?”

You turn, and there’s Walter Holden on a bed in the ED.

“Walter?” You walk to his side, stunned. He’s crying – tears spilling out of his soft baby blue eyes, his youthful face scrunched up in pain and anguish.

“Why did you do this to me? Why?!” He yells, his voice cracking. You shake your head. “Walter, Walter I’m so sorry – I didn’t know, I didn’t know, I didn’t mean to – ” You choke on your words, and as you look down the bed you realise that Walter’s amputated leg is bleeding at the stump.

“Oh god, oh my god – ” You get up, shocked as the blood starts gushing. Walter screams.

“Help me! Dr Y/N – help me! Help me!”

You hear your heart hammering in your ears, your head is spinning, you stand up and you feel faint.

Will rushes into the room. He starts holding as much gauze as he can to Walter’s leg. Nurses and doctors flood the room, and they begin moving Walter out. You’re standing, back pressed to the treatment room wall, aghast. 

Will turns to you, his face red with rage. “What are you even doing?! Fucking hell, Y/N – you can’t do anything right?!”

There’s a painful lump in your throat, and you can’t breathe. Something grabs your hand and you snap your head. It’s Walter, and as they wheel his bed out, he looks at you with so much fury and torment in his eyes.

“YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE A DOCTOR!”

“No, no, no, I’m so sorry Walter, I’m so sorry – I’m so sorry – this can’t be happening, no, no no no – ” Tears stream down your face and you start shaking. Your knees buckle, and you fall to the ground, sobs wracking your body. Somewhere in the distance, you hear your name being called, but you can’t answer, you can’t do this anymore, you can’t – you just can’t…

“Y/N! Y/N!”

You jolt, your eyes flying open. Jay’s over you, his eyebrows drawn together, his eyes wide, concerned, his hands holding your shoulders where you realise he’s been shaking you – shaking you because – because –

Fuck.

It was a fucking nightmare. Again.

You let out a cry of pain, bringing your hands up to cover your face. “Breathe, just breathe.” Jay says softly, rubbing your arms up and down.

After about a minute, when you don’t feel so shaken anymore, you wipe your eyes and slowly sit up. Jay shifts with you, sitting right next to you. You can’t look him in the eyes.

“I’m – I’m sorry I woke you,” you whisper to your palms, resting atop your folded legs.

“Don’t – don’t worry about that. Y/N, what happened? It sounded pretty bad…” Jay says and you shake your head.

“I’m fine, it’s fine – ” Your hands run through your hair roughly. You need to go. You need to go – you need to leave – you can’t be here –you can’t be here with him –

“Hey. Hey,” Jay repeats, when you don’t answer. He reaches across and his warm hard gently grabs your face, trying to get you to look at him but you just push his hand away. You get up, grabbing your underwear and jeans from the ground and start getting dressed.

“Y/N!” Jay gets off the bed, and comes to you. You sidestep him, or at least you try to, but he’s much taller than you and his shoulders are broad; he stands in your way and grabs your arms softly.

“Y/N, look at me – ”

“Why?” 

You give him what he wants. You look up at him, you stare him directly in his eyes, shaking in anger and fear and what feels like the weight of the world on your shoulders. 

“Hmm? Why? This isn’t – you don’t care – what does it matter –” You yell at him, your mind frazzled as you fall apart in his arms.

The frown on Jay’s face gets deeper, and he shakes his head, leaning close. “Hey, talk to me. C’mon, you can talk to me – ”

“Why the fuck would I talk to you? You’re just some guy I’m sleeping with!” You spit harshly, shaking his hands off and stepping back. Jay’s mouth falls open, and his shoulders sag. His face contorts into something awful - dismay, defeat, hurt.

For a moment, you want to run back into his arms – apologise, say you didn’t mean it, say you’re just scared – but you don’t. You move around him, grabbing your shirt. You put it on and make your way out of his bedroom, and out of his apartment.

You don’t know why you said what you did. Actually, scratch that, you know exactly why you said that. In fact, you know exactly why you’re what you’re doing.

Every relationship you’ve ever had up to this point’s fucked you over. Every single one. You’ve been cheated on, you’ve been lied to, you’ve been told you were just some piece of ass, not an actual girlfriend. And now?

Now you’re scared shitless of what this thing between the two of you is. You’re scared shitless that you’re making a mistake by screwing around with your boss’s brother and you’re –

Well.

You’re scared shitless you’re falling for him.

So, you do what you do best. Dump out of this, push the self-destruct button. Get him to push you away so you don’t have to go through the pain of falling for the guy you can’t have. The one that you know’s going to screw you over, because he’s going to realise he only really sees you as a hookup – that he doesn’t love you.

You try to hold back the tears, because you’re driving home and the last thing you need right now is a car accident. There’s a buzzing sound from your phone and you perk up. As much as you want to tell yourself to not get your hopes high, you can’t help yourself, and you speed down the road to the red light so you can push the brakes and wait. Your fingers wrap around your phone and you immediately check the screen. 

The smile on your face falls – it’s just a stupid notification from Instagram. You toss your phone back onto the passenger seat, hard enough that it bounces off and hits the ground. Tears once again threaten to fill your eyes, and there’s a painful lump in your throat. You swipe at your cheeks, where a single tear has made its escape, and turn to look at the screen next to your steering wheel – it shows the time as 3:45AM. Leaning back against your car seat, a deep sigh exits your lungs.

You realise there’s no way you’re going to sleep again today, what with the whole Jay thing on top of the Walter Holden nightmare that’s been haunting you for the last 6 days now.

The lights turn green.

Swearing under your breath, you throw your car into a U-turn and drive to Med instead.

[swagpeachperfection]

Here is my in-depth The Smoothie Diet review. I hope most of the people reading this can relate me along with me! From my childhood itself, I was a bit chubby, but that I found cute and never cared off. After that, I joined my college and my lifestyle changed drastically. Staying awake late nights, eating unhealthy junk foods.

Late-night study during the examinations, all these habits led me to put on weights. More weight. But I hardly cared. After my graduation, like most people, I too have desk work. After our office, we hardly get any time or energy left with going to any fitness regime.

The Smoothie Diet Review: 21-Day Smoothie Diet Plan For Weight Loss!

Munching on fast foods as they are easily available and cheaper. People never realize things until they experience things. Once I went for a regular checkup, and I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and other severe chronic diseases. Now my life was at stake. And that’s when I realized I need to gear up and went through various articles and found The Smoothie Diet review.

Most of the diets followed starving, which I knew would lead me to eat more foods on the very next meal. But somehow while going through the internet I found this weird diet, which provided you with the daily vitamins and minerals you require, without involving cooking or other stuff- yes! The smoothie diet pdf. It may sound weird, but yes it really works.! Let us discuss more in The Smoothie Diet review.

==> Download The Smoothie Diet Program

About The Smoothie Diet Program

This is a type of food habit which really works for people who want to start their weight loss journey in a healthy manner. It works mainly for the people who are occupied in a busy schedule and face problems in preparing everyday meals. In The Smoothie Diet diet plan, you replace two of your main meals, preferably breakfast and lunch with smoothies.

The third meal you can have solid food, but keep in mind to have a lower calorie food. Scouts also allow a “cheat meal” every week, but only a few recommended ones, mentioned in The Smoothie Diet e-book. The Smoothie Diet is a 21-day cycle, power-packed with nutrition and vitamins and you can follow anytime you want to shed some pounds.

The ingredients of the smoothies may vary, mainly depending on fruits, vegetables, protein, and few healthy fats. Follow the recipes in the e-book to prepare your solid meal food. The meal should not be high in calories or else it not come up with the desired results. The Smoothie Diet guide also helps you with some high-fiber snacks and low sugar options.

The Smoothie Diet review contains two plans. The first one — “The Detox plan”, where you replace all your three main meals with healthy smoothies which keep you feel fullness all day long.

Another plan includes the 21-day plan where you replace two meals with a smoothie and have one solid food with a few snacking.

You can also modify sometimes, following a “flex day”- where you have a smoothie followed by two meals. But The Smoothie Diet pdf is not recommended for people having food allergies. So consult a doctor or get a regular checkup before starting a Smoothie diet for weight loss.

The Smoothie Diet Manufacturer

The Smoothie Diet Pdf was created by Drew Sgoutas, a certified Nutrition Expert and Health Coach. He believes in home cooking with all the real ingredients. He is the one who throws his heart and soul into success. And that what led to this revolutionary diet The Smoothie Diet program.

Pros and Cons of The Smoothie Diet Ebook

Pros

The Smoothie Diet involves having smoothies, which are mainly from fruits and veggies. They are usually low in calories and provide you with the daily phytonutrients, being a part of your healthy diet.

l Less counting on calories

As per The Smoothie Diet review, Most of the famous diets and weight loss programs count on calories. But as we are aware that fruits and veggies are lower in calories, you don’t need to get involved in counting the calories all day long. The recipes provided in the Smoothie Diet for weight loss program don’t involve much decision-making process which is an added advantage for all working people.

l Go easy with the shopping

This three-week diet plan covers the shopping list every week at the starting itself. The diet plan contains a broken-down shopping list helping you in your shopping. This makes your grocery store visit much easier during this 21-day smoothie diet plan. Apart from the above-mentioned pros, there are various studies showing the effectiveness and sustainability of the diet plan.

Cons

l Maintaining the micro-nutrients

Most of the smoothies have their calories from carbohydrates, and very little protein and fats. It is recommended to have a protein intake of at least 50 grams daily to maintain a healthy lifestyle. So the Smoothie Diet recommends getting the daily need from the snacks. Go through The Smoothie Diet review thoroughly before following the plan, or you may fall out. If you are replacing your meals with these smoothies make sure to get your fats and proteins. Try to add some chia seeds and flax seeds. They help to thicken up your smoothies as well as provide you with essential micronutrients. Get a good source of lean protein, those help you to build muscle, helping you to maintain a higher metabolism. Having various nuts and seeds in the snack may do the trick.

l High Sugar Content

This 21-day Smoothie diet contains a lot of fruits. Fruits are known to the natural source of sugars. There are many smoothies that call for the addition of honey and another sugar substitute, which only adds calories to them. So all these are not recommended to people having medical problems. A peanut butter smoothie is a healthy option as it’s protein-rich with no added sugars. Some of the smoothies are too thick to drink, so most people add juices to thin them down. But avoid doing so, rather add water to make it dilute or ice can be an alternative to thicken them up. Get the right amount of thickness without adding more calories by switching to alternatives.

l Time- taking

If you are staying at home, then making two smoothies can be a bit less pain in the ass, still cleaning up the bender each time you have one. And as a working professional. Having a smoothie in your breakfast is pretty easy, but what about lunch? You cannot have all the necessary ingredients when you are away from home. Right?

l Fails in the long run

When you start the Smoothie Diet, your body goes through a drastic change in cutting down the calories. As vegetables and fruits are lower in calories and also devoid of the essential proteins and healthy fats. Replacing solid meals with liquids may help you at the beginning and you may see noticeable results, but when you start getting into your previous daily diets, you tend to get weight again. So The Smoothie Diet e-book and The Smoothie Diet review suggest following the diet frequently, which is not always a healthy option.

Why The Smoothie Diet book is Useful, Is it a Scam?

Not only for weight loss. Your body sometimes requires detoxification. This 21-day smoothie diet plan will help you to follow a detox plan, removing all the impurities from your body. You feel light and energetic restoring all the lost minerals and vitamins.

It does no harm to your body. They are lesser in calories. Ramp them up with protein and healthy fats making them tasty as well as to get the added benefits from it.

The Smoothie Diet User reviews 2021

While surfing the internet, you will get a number of The Smoothie Diet customer reviews who received benefits following the diet. Not this, The Smoothie Diet ebook provides you with various case studies of the people following the diet plan and getting unexpected results.

==> Download The Smoothie Diet Program

The Smoothie Diet Reviews — Final Verdict

The Smoothie Diet ebook provides you with numerous recipes, but to see results you need to maintain the proportions. Make your habit to have a healthy smoothie once a day in the long run. Try to tally the calorie count and know how much you need to consume in every meal, The Smoothie Diet will save you from all the common weight loss mistakes.

Use strawberries, blueberries, and apples in your smoothies. They are rich in antioxidants. Try to have smoothies as well, including spinach and kale. They are rich in minerals, vitamins, and potassium as well. To make your smoothie thick try using ice. If you are a peanut butter lover, go for the powdered one, avoid the creamy spread. And for natural sweeteners add mangoes or bananas, The Smoothie Diet will keep you away from the extra fats and artificial sugar.

Last not, whether you want to lose weight, or just want to follow a healthy lifestyle. Download now, The Smoothie Diet pdf and ebook, and head toward the kitchen. The Smoothie Diet is not a scam, try it today and share your The Smoothie Diet review along with us! Happy dieting!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

What is The Smoothie Diet?

It was a 21-day smoothie diet is an e-book prepared by Drew Sgoutas which contains a schedule and recipes for three weeks instructing what smoothies to be taken for each day.

Does The Smoothie Diet program good for weight loss?

This diet will help you shed approximately 2 or 3 pounds per week. You should expect to get rid of up to 50–70 pounds if you repeat this diet plan several times.

Are there any side effects by using The Smoothie Diet program?

No need to worry about any kind of side effects from the smoothie diet. Because there are no recorded side effects of the 21-day smoothie diet as it is prepared at home and is completely natural.

Why The Smoothie Diet is useful?

This program is not only for weight loss, but it will also help you to follow a detox plan, removing all the impurities from your body. You feel light and energetic restoring all the lost minerals and vitamins.

Who was the creator of The Smoothie Diet program?

The smoothie diet was created by Drew Sgoutas, a certified Nutrition Expert and Health Coach.

==> Download The Smoothie Diet Program

[rapeculturerealities]

Returning body positivity to its fat acceptance roots is one step toward a fat liberationist future. Another is dumping diet culture and the pervasive obsession with losing weight. Since 1959, research has shown that 95 to 98% of attempts to lose weight fail; at least two-thirds of people who report losing weight actually gain back more than they lost. As reported by Michael Hobbes for Highline in 2018, even losing a small amount of weight puts your body into starvation mode, which has more detrimental effects than positive ones.

According to Dr. Emma Beckett, a food and nutrition scientist at the University of Newcastle in Australia, one of the most common misunderstandings about nutrition is the idea that weight-loss diets are inherently “healthy.” She tells Autostraddle, “People want to believe in keto, paleo, low carb, high fat, whatever the current trend is based on the short-term weight-loss as evidence that they ‘work.’ But we aren’t just eating for our body size right now, we are eating to keep our bodies healthy now and into old age. Is fitting into a smaller dress now worth brittle bones or bowel cancer in later life?”

“The focus is always on weight and cutting things out and rarely on nourishment and adding things in,” Dr. Beckett points out. “I’d love it if we stopped focusing on weight, and focused on nourishment and joy. It would be great if we could all find the joy in eating again. Don’t worry about which fruit has the most antioxidants or which veggies have the most fiber, or how many calories are in different brands of yogurt. Find the fruit and veg you like and try to eat more of them, or try a new fruit or veg that you haven’t tried before. Fresh, frozen, steam, stir fried, baked, whatever. Enjoy them! Remember not every food choice needs to be about health. Sometimes we do just eat for enjoyment, and that’s OK! Don’t let the guilt creep in and ruin that enjoyment for you.”

Part of the problem is, of course, that medical professionals are just as fatphobic as everyone else, if not moreso. In her 2016 memoir Shrill, Lindy West wrote, “The level of restriction that I was told, by professionals, was necessary for me to ‘fix’ my body essentially precluded any semblance of joyous, fulfilling human life. It was about learning to live with hunger — with feeling ‘light,’ I remember my nutritionist called it.”

West isn’t the only one whose doctors encouraged disordered eating. The contentious relationship between doctors and fat patients is also documented in studies: 45% of women polled in a 2016 national survey admitted to cancelling or postponing doctors appointments on a somewhat common basis because they wanted to lose weight before being seen. Doctors spend less time with fat patients and frequently describe them negatively, as “noncompliant” or “overindulgent.” A 2003 survey of more than 600 primary care physicians revealed that more than half of those polled viewed their fat patients as “awkward” or “ugly.”

read more

[hameto-blog]

The Ultimate Weight Loss Guide

Most of us at some point in our lives wanted to lose a certain amount of weight. More or less, most of us know how hard it can be to lose weight and maintain the ideal weight.

In this article, we will discuss:

a)the common causes of weight gain;

b)how to make sure that what you do is an ideal weight loss process;

c)as well as about a little bit more extreme methods that may include consulting with a weight loss doctor or going to a weight loss clinic.

In hurry?

Quickly read Weight Loss Solutions That Really Work

Why do we gain weight?

There are a lot of reasons why people gain weight:

In most cases, the number one factor of gaining weight is the unhealthy and bad eating habits that we have. The frequent consumption of fast food is the reason why a lot of people even get to obese at a very early age.

Eating processed foods that are full of different additives, drinks full of sugar and simply making these bad choices can lead to weight gain. Combine that with the lack of physical activity, and we end up searching for articles like this one.

Sometimes weight gain can be a symptom of other health problems. A good example is hormonal changes in our bodies. Polycystic ovarian syndrome in women is often why they are overweight even before they reach adulthood.

Gaining weight can lead to other complications.

Whatever it is that you consume for your breakfast, lunch, or dinner is then processed by your body. Part of it the body uses as a fuel or energy so the cells can run, and whatever is left and not needed is stored as fat.

Fat too is needed.

Without fat, our system wouldn’t be able to survive. However, an excessive amount of fat in your body means that you are overweight. This can cause complications with other organs in your system, take the heart as an example. It isn’t new that when being overweight, people have big risks of a heart attack. There is also diabetes, sleep apnea, and at the end of the day, there is what e see in the mirror. And we are not always happy about it.

So, what can we do to lose weight? How to get to that process of an ideal weight loss?

The Ultimate Weight Loss Guide

1. Be patient

Losing weight can be a long process. And it should be. Changes of this nature affect your health and your body’s functioning. A sudden weight loss can be a shock to your body, and it can do more damage than good.

So be patient with losing weight.

2. Count your calories

According to your current weight, you should calculate your BMI (body mass index), and see how many calories a day you should consume so you can be healthy and lose weight at the same time.

We lose weight when we burn calories, so reducing the number of calories to the optimal one for our BMI is a very important part of the process.

3. Choose your calories

There are a few ways you can consume 200 calories.

It can be a very light salad with a little bit of dressing that will keep you full for a while. Or, it can also be a can of soda.

Which option is healthier?

It is not about counting the calories only, but it is also about choosing the right calories to count. When losing weight you need the proper nutrition to give your body the energy to burn, as well as the energy to store so you can keep healthy. This leads to the next point…

Careful with the food

4. Eliminate foods that you simply don’t need and cause you harm

Soda, chips, fries. For a while, you should cut them off.

Everything that is full of unnatural sugars and fats isn’t your friend when you’re trying to lose weight. Stick to more organic foods. Avoid eating out.

Cook your food instead of buying it processed.

5. Cook your food

Wisely.

You can have potatoes either fried or baked in an oven. When you cook something, choose the healthier version.

Avoid cooking in fats, and try to include fresh and unprocessed food in your diet.

6. Drink more water

You have heard this a lot of times. But you need water to keep you hydrated and healthy. It is important to stay hydrated when you’re losing weight.

7. Learn to hear what your body has to say

Do you really need ice cream right now? Are you hungry or are you just craving?  Learn to differentiate between these

Are you hungry or are you just craving?  Learn to differentiate between these

Learn to differentiate between these two and know when your body needs food and not just satisfying a craving.

8. Don’t starve yourself

Many people make this mistake.

A calorie deficit is needed to lo lose weight.

But to lose weight and stay healthy you need to burn those calories, not just simply starve yourself and lose weight. Weight loss doctor considers it’s one of the most unhealthy weight loss ways.

9. Healthy habits and choices instead of diets that will give you a horrible aftermath

There are tons of diets out there but are they effective in the long run?

Not without you changing the habits that you have when it comes to food and the way you treat your body, which is the root of healthy weight. It’s possible that you needn’t go weight loss clinic to lose weight if you have healthy habits.

And last but not least…

10. EXERCISE

Exercises so important for weight loss and stays fit.

Why?

Physical activity is very important and very healthy in the process of weight loss. Exercising doesn’t just improve your physical health. It also improves your mental health. Great exercise for weight loss is a cardio exercise: running, walking, swimming. Everything that activates all of your body at once and simply increases your heart rate. This will improve your metabolism. Not only that you burn calories during a cardio session, but you also burn calories even after you are finished.

Not only that you burn calories during a cardio session, but you also burn calories even after you are finished.

However, there are cases where for different reasons people can’t lose weight by themselves, and they are at a point where they need that extra push.

Consulting With Weight Loss Doctor

What does a weight loss doctor do?

Some people need medical assistance to lose weight.

Why?

Doctors weight loss or bariatrician are medical professionals whose area of expertise is weight loss.

In the past few years, weight loss doctors are more and more mentioned and needed, as more and more people struggle with gaining weight. People who struggle with obesity often find the solution and lose weight with the help of a weight loss doctor. A weight loss doctor specializes in helping you with your diet and assisting you in a healthy weight loss process.

Your physician can also give you advice on losing weight, but not as much as a weight loss doctor. Bariatrician can help you work on a weight loss plan that is tailored for your needs in particular.

Going to a weight loss clinic

While most people are able to lose weight with a good exercise and diet plan, some people struggle to do so.

A medical weight loss clinic can help people who cannot lose weight through methods that are simply less extreme. Bariatric surgeons (not to be confused with a weight loss doctor) puts the patient through the procedure of a gastric bypass operation. Simply explained, a person’s stomach is going to shrink to the size of an egg with surgically removing tissue.

This way, the person will get full faster, eat less and lose weight.

This is usually done in cases where people are extremely obese and they need to lose a certain amount of weight so they can be more mobile.

Conclusion

When you’re losing weight, it is important to be patient.

It is important to understand that diets won’t work in the long run. They can even give you the opposite effect once you get off the diet.

The healthiest and most effective solution to lose weight is through eating healthy food and exercising.

The combination of these two is the best way to get rid of the extra fat. Realistically you can’t just quit eating pizza or drinking a glass of wine forever. This is why you should learn moderation. You should learn how your body works and when you consume these kinds of foods, you should consume them moderately instead of every day and in big amounts.

Maintaining your body weight is easy if you change your eating habits from their core. Once you learn how to make healthy choices then maintaining your bodyweight won’t be a problem at all. Cutting off everything and going on a diet, and then going back to the old ways will mean that you will gain all the weight you just lost. And this is the reason why diets will never work unless you change the way you eat and get more physically active.

Remember to be patient with yourself. Don’t rush when you lose weight.

Don’t go for extreme diets and overwork yourself running or doing any other kind of exercise.

Remember that your body needs time to adjust to the changes.

[etherealwaifgoddess]

More Time - Chpt.1

Summary: Steve’s health takes a turn for the worse prompting Bruce to suggest an unexpected solution. 

Warnings: Some sad feels

Word Count: 1.1k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! I’m going to try and post this fic daily until it’s done. Don’t know how feasible that’s going to be (I’m up for a promotion at work and have two kids at home, life is hectic) but I’m going to do my best! This is a shorty chapter but let’s at least get the ball rolling....

ICYMI: the prologue can be found HERE, and the master list is HERE.

Chapter One

Steve woke to a coughing fit for the third time that night. The red numbers glared at him from the alarm clock, 2:32am. His chest clenched as he wheezed and he begrudgingly used the inhaler he had on standby since he’d gotten a summer cold three weeks ago. “Immunocompromised” Bruce had called it, and Steve bristled at the term as much as he had at the word “elderly”. 

“Hey, you okay?” Bucky mumbled, half awake but aware enough to reach out and rub a strong hand against Steve’s back in a comforting gesture. 

Steve nodded in the dark, not quite able to speak as his lungs calmed back down. “Yeah, I’ll be okay.” He said after a minute. 

Steve woke up two more times before the sun did and Bucky decided sometime around 4am that Steve no longer had the option to refuse medical care. He text Bruce telling him he was bringing Steve in to see him and Helen Cho around nine whether Steve liked it or not. Bucky remembered the signs like it was yesterday and not eighty years ago. Steve had contracted pneumonia enough times that it was unmistakable to him even now. He’d been worried sick for the last week and a half and Steve’s health was deteriorating rapidly every day.

“I’m fine.” Steve grumbled over the cup of coffee he barely had enough strength to hold. He had drug himself out of bed around seven, giving up on the illusion of sleep. 

“The hell you are, punk. Bruce and Helen will be waiting for us at the compound around nine. You need to get checked out again, it’s too risky at your age to let it keep going like this.” 

Steve shot him a glare, he knew damn well how old he was and was tired of everyone reminding him of it. “Technically you’re still a year older than me, jerk.”

“Yeah but I spent most of the last eighty years getting my beauty rest.” 

“Jerk.” 

“Punk.”

They exchanged equally exasperated smiles but Steve knew he wasn’t winning this fight and went to get changed out of his pajamas. 

Bruce and Helen took a full few body scans as well as a series of x-rays and a vial of blood which they assured him would be incinerated as soon as the lab results were back. Steve was exhausted to the point where his hands trembled in his lap while he and Bucky sat together in the sitting room outside the lab waiting for the results. It was damn hard being old, Steve thought. His mind was still sharp but his body was failing whether he liked it or not. It was almost like things were before the serum but not quite as bad since this was the result of a long life lived well and not an unlucky roll of the dice at birth. 

Helen looked heartbroken when she rejoined them in the room outside the lab. Bruce trailed in a minute later, concentrating on the Starkpad in his hand, a conflicted expression etched on his face. He looked up at Helen and nodded.

“It’s pneumonia.” Helen said plainly. She was a good doctor and Steve respected the way she didn’t bother sugar coating things. “It’s normally treatable but your test results are concerning. We’re going to do everything modern medical science can do for you but you need to know that at your age the odds are not great.” 

Bucky tensed almost imperceptibly next to Steve, his training keeping him stock still when all he wanted to do was breakdown and scream. 

“I’ve lived a long life, doc. I know you’ll do what you can.” Steve assured her.

Bucky felt bile rising in his throat, of course Steve would try to reassure the woman who just said he was dying. He felt like every fiber of his body was being torn apart at the idea of Steve’s death. It wasn’t that he couldn't imagine a world without Steve in it, he just didn’t want to be part of it. 

“There is another option.” Bruce told them. “It’s a long shot but I think we could make it work.”

“What is it?” Bucky asked quickly. He didn’t care how slim of a chance it was, if it could possibly save Steve’s life it was worth trying.

“We could try and give a tiny boost to the serum to help fight off the infection. I have a formula I’ve been working on, in theory, obviously, and I think we could give him just enough of a boost so that the serum would help his immune system fight off the infection like it would in a healthy person.” 

“Bruce, I appreciate what you’re doing but-” Steve started but was cut off by a very pissed off former assassin. 

“Guys, will you give Steve and I a minute alone please?” Bucky bit out. 

Both Helen and Bruce left quietly and Steve sighed, waiting for Bucky to start in on him. After a moment when no verbal tirade came Steve looked over to see tears streaming down Bucky’s face. 

“Buck, I…” Steve gasped, completely unexpected for this reaction. 

“No,” Bucky told him, voice breaking, “Don’t you dare try to be brave or noble or any of that bullshit right now.” Bucky took a few steadying breaths before he continued. “I know you and I know what you’re thinking but just stop it, okay? This could buy us more time, Stevie. I knew we wouldn’t have a lifetime together but at least let Bruce try this and give me a little more time with you. I’m not ready to lose you.” Bucky let out a sob and Steve forced his aching bones to sit up tall enough that he could wrap his arms around Bucky and pull him in close to his chest. 

“I’m not ready to lose you either.” Steve said quietly into Bucky’s hair as he held him tightly. “I’m not too keen on messing with the serum, but I trust Bruce.”

“I expected more of a fight from you on this.” Bucky chuckled.

“Maybe I got smarter in my old age.” Steve quipped, “Go get Bruce so we can do whatever it is he thinks will fix this.” 

Bucky smiled up at Steve, so thankful for the sliver of hope they’d been given, and left to find the pair of doctors. 

Tag list lovelies: @godofplumsandthunder​ @remilupin22​ @supraveng​ @hiddles-rose​

If anyone wants added or removed please lmk! 

[star-nova]

Memoirs, part 1: My birth story

It’s finally time to write my memoir. And yes, this is really about ME. This is not RiffRaff or any of my other fictional stories. This is my story. About me. And how everything eventually ended up going as wrong as it finally did. 

I’d been meaning to for a long time now. But everytime I tried to write it...I always just deleted it and gave up. I guess because the story wasn’t ready to come out and because I was worried what others would think of me if I came forward about this kind of thing. Would they be able to look at me the same again, and all that. But now even I don’t look at me the same again, so it doesn’t matter. I don’t have anything to lose, since I already lost everything I could possibly lose. So it’s time to face reality. And get it out there, too, because I can’t face it if I’m still trying to hide it.

I’m going to be plagued by the memories forever anyway. Might as well do something with them. Except this part is about what I can’t remember, and what someone else had to remember for me when I was finally old enough to put all the pieces together. I got Room of Angel going in the background and Walter Sullivan from Silent Hill 4 is a whole mood, so here it goes.

I didn’t get to hear my full, real birth story until I was in my late 20s--primarily because it took me that long to ask for it. When I was a kid, I accepted, “We had only wanted to have one baby, but then you came along.” As a teenager, I learned that I came after 2 other pregnancies that were terminated. Later on, I found out that I was nearly miscarried “early on in the pregnancy,” as my mother told me. She had to be on bed rest and take medications to keep me from sliding out of the womb, dead, two or three months in. Do you know how many times I’ve had to hear her say, “I wish I NEVER took those pills!”? It was a lot.

When I finally got my full birth story from my dad--who doesn’t hide anything, doesn’t sugarcoat, and has no problem telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth--he told me that my mother’s body actually attempted to terminate me throughout the entire pregnancy. To this day, it is one of those things that firmly cements that I was not ever supposed to exist. I feel like God knew that He had made a mistake, and he was trying to correct it. My mother had to keep running back to the hospital for the medication that would keep me from terminating. I asked what the medical explanation was, and my dad said that there wasn’t any, but that my mother’s body was never meant to carry babies. When she had my older brother, she was still very young--just turned 19--and her body was very small. It’s hard to imagine my mother as anything small now, but I’ve seen the old pictures. She was 19 and looked about 14, so tiny that I could barely even see the baby bump (which is odd, because baby bumps are usually more pronounced on a tiny body), about 100 ish pounds even with a baby (but I’m horrible at guessing weight, so she could’ve been bigger). The hospital had said her body was too small to support a baby, and when he was coming out, she didn’t even realize it was him coming out. She thought she had to “pee,” and she had gotten up to go to the bathroom when the doctors rushed her back to the bed and told her that wasn’t having to pee, that was him coming out. She almost died while giving birth, but he came out healthy. Can’t say that about him now, at 41. But that’s him. Now back to me. 

She was in her mid-30s when she had me, and my dad was in his 50s--he turned 60 when I was 8 years old, so I guess that puts him at 52 (I had to use a calculator for even that basic first grade math). She didn’t want to be pregnant again. She told me as much. I used to think I was a broken condom. Spent my whole life so sure that I was a broken condom, until my dad finally just told me that no, he just didn’t wear one because he didn’t like how they felt (now you know how those 4 pregnancies happened...my older brother was not planned either, my dad told me as much). I get jealous sometimes without wanting to admit I’m jealous of my older brother--who, other than this, has literally NOTHING for me to be jealous of--when I look at the pregnancy and baby pictures. She went to Great Adventure with my dad while she was pregnant with him, for her honeymoon. She looks genuinely happy, and it kills me how much her smile looks like mine in those pictures. I didn’t think I looked anything like her until I saw her at that age, her skin’s just darker than mine ‘cause she has no white in her. She’s happy in those pictures, and in the ones when she’s holding my brother and kissing him, so genuinely happy with her new baby, and my dad’s hair isn’t white, it’s the same color as mine. I’ve never seen him without white hair outside of pictures. Then there are the ones with me. In her pregnancy photo with me, her teeth are gritted like she is trying to force a smile, but failing stupendously. My older brother--age 13 and a half then but taller than her--is standing next to her, and his face is like stone. My dad said he never took it well that he was going to have a sibling. At 41, he still isn’t taking it well. She isn’t smiling in any of my baby pictures either. Her lips are tight like she’s trying to force something that just isn’t there. 

My birth was a trainwreck. After 8 months of near-miscarriages, her water broke while at the mall (I like to pretend that it was a harbinger of my lifetime clothes shopping addiction and love of the mall). She was rushed to the nearest hospital...and then I was a breech. 

My dad says that I came out feet first, that my head got stuck in the birth canal--about a 3 to 5 percent occurrence, according to Wikipedia--and that my cord was about to wrap around my throat. If she had pushed any further, it would have. I would have to be cut out, a C-section. 

My mother, a mentally impaired and traumatized woman who had every form of abuse possible inflicted on her in inner-city foster homes in the 70s, would have to be awake while she was cut open, while a team of doctors had to stick their hands inside of her body, and while her baby would have to be wrestled out of her. 

Except that isn’t even what happened. 

What happened is that she was cut open, and she was awake, and the doctors did stick her hands inside of her to wrestle me out of the womb...and then I wouldn’t come out. My dad says that I was lodged in a corner of the womb and the doctors couldn’t get me out, no matter how much they pulled. They had to employ the baby version of the jaws of life: the forceps. Knowing what I know now about the brain damage, which has been ruled as the result of abuse during the developmental years, I do wonder if any of that may have contributed at least a little bit, When you consider what forceps are, and where they go, and that it took a few yanks to get me out... 

But I may never know. Not even sure if that would show up on a brain scan anymore, if I could get one. My insurance won’t cover “I want to get a brain scan so I can see what it looks like.” I had one done at age 12 and then again at 14, but the results were hidden from me and when I called the labs to request them last year, they said they were trashed a long time ago. 

All it did was further the conclusion I had made that God was doing everything He could to correct the error that he had made. Until it was too late. 

I never stood a chance. It was all punishment. All of her life, my mother had been small and powerless in the face of horrific abuse that she could not do anything to stop. Now the “continuation” of her trauma--years after she had finally managed to “escape”--was small, powerless, and innocent itself. She unleashed everything that she had learned growing up in an inner-city foster system in the 70s, and knew exactly what to do to ensure that it would keep going on for as long as she needed it to in order to compensate for what was done to her. Like Abdul in Sapphire’s The Kid, when he was beaten and molested in the foster homes and then beat and molested the “smaller kids” in his orphanage, singling out the small ones specifically so he could “feel like a king.” 

I was doomed from the start. Destined to become a Nobody. And now, at almost 28, I am still very much doomed... 

[swagpeachperfection]

quick weight loss diet plan

Here is my in-depth The Smoothie Diet review. I hope most of the people reading this can relate me along with me! From my childhood itself, I was a bit chubby, but that I found cute and never cared off. After that, I joined my college and my lifestyle changed drastically. Staying awake late nights, eating unhealthy junk foods.

Late-night study during the examinations, all these habits led me to put on weights. More weight. But I hardly cared. After my graduation, like most people, I too have desk work. After our office, we hardly get any time or energy left with going to any fitness regime.

The Smoothie Diet Review: 21-Day Smoothie Diet Plan For Weight Loss!

Munching on fast foods as they are easily available and cheaper. People never realize things until they experience things. Once I went for a regular checkup, and I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and other severe chronic diseases. Now my life was at stake. And that’s when I realized I need to gear up and went through various articles and found The Smoothie Diet review.

Most of the diets followed starving, which I knew would lead me to eat more foods on the very next meal. But somehow while going through the internet I found this weird diet, which provided you with the daily vitamins and minerals you require, without involving cooking or other stuff- yes! The smoothie diet pdf. It may sound weird, but yes it really works.! Let us discuss more in The Smoothie Diet review.

==> Download The Smoothie Diet Program

About The Smoothie Diet Program

This is a type of food habit which really works for people who want to start their weight loss journey in a healthy manner. It works mainly for the people who are occupied in a busy schedule and face problems in preparing everyday meals. In The Smoothie Diet diet plan, you replace two of your main meals, preferably breakfast and lunch with smoothies.

The third meal you can have solid food, but keep in mind to have a lower calorie food. Scouts also allow a “cheat meal” every week, but only a few recommended ones, mentioned in The Smoothie Diet e-book. The Smoothie Diet is a 21-day cycle, power-packed with nutrition and vitamins and you can follow anytime you want to shed some pounds.

The ingredients of the smoothies may vary, mainly depending on fruits, vegetables, protein, and few healthy fats. Follow the recipes in the e-book to prepare your solid meal food. The meal should not be high in calories or else it not come up with the desired results. The Smoothie Diet guide also helps you with some high-fiber snacks and low sugar options.

The Smoothie Diet review contains two plans. The first one — “The Detox plan”, where you replace all your three main meals with healthy smoothies which keep you feel fullness all day long.

Another plan includes the 21-day plan where you replace two meals with a smoothie and have one solid food with a few snacking.

You can also modify sometimes, following a “flex day”- where you have a smoothie followed by two meals. But The Smoothie Diet pdf is not recommended for people having food allergies. So consult a doctor or get a regular checkup before starting a Smoothie diet for weight loss.

The Smoothie Diet Manufacturer

The Smoothie Diet Pdf was created by Drew Sgoutas, a certified Nutrition Expert and Health Coach. He believes in home cooking with all the real ingredients. He is the one who throws his heart and soul into success. And that what led to this revolutionary diet The Smoothie Diet program.

Pros and Cons of The Smoothie Diet Ebook

Pros

The Smoothie Diet involves having smoothies, which are mainly from fruits and veggies. They are usually low in calories and provide you with the daily phytonutrients, being a part of your healthy diet.

l Less counting on calories

As per The Smoothie Diet review, Most of the famous diets and weight loss programs count on calories. But as we are aware that fruits and veggies are lower in calories, you don’t need to get involved in counting the calories all day long. The recipes provided in the Smoothie Diet for weight loss program don’t involve much decision-making process which is an added advantage for all working people.

l Go easy with the shopping

This three-week diet plan covers the shopping list every week at the starting itself. The diet plan contains a broken-down shopping list helping you in your shopping. This makes your grocery store visit much easier during this 21-day smoothie diet plan. Apart from the above-mentioned pros, there are various studies showing the effectiveness and sustainability of the diet plan.

Cons

l Maintaining the micro-nutrients

Most of the smoothies have their calories from carbohydrates, and very little protein and fats. It is recommended to have a protein intake of at least 50 grams daily to maintain a healthy lifestyle. So the Smoothie Diet recommends getting the daily need from the snacks. Go through The Smoothie Diet review thoroughly before following the plan, or you may fall out. If you are replacing your meals with these smoothies make sure to get your fats and proteins. Try to add some chia seeds and flax seeds. They help to thicken up your smoothies as well as provide you with essential micronutrients. Get a good source of lean protein, those help you to build muscle, helping you to maintain a higher metabolism. Having various nuts and seeds in the snack may do the trick.

l High Sugar Content

This 21-day Smoothie diet contains a lot of fruits. Fruits are known to the natural source of sugars. There are many smoothies that call for the addition of honey and another sugar substitute, which only adds calories to them. So all these are not recommended to people having medical problems. A peanut butter smoothie is a healthy option as it’s protein-rich with no added sugars. Some of the smoothies are too thick to drink, so most people add juices to thin them down. But avoid doing so, rather add water to make it dilute or ice can be an alternative to thicken them up. Get the right amount of thickness without adding more calories by switching to alternatives.

l Time- taking

If you are staying at home, then making two smoothies can be a bit less pain in the ass, still cleaning up the bender each time you have one. And as a working professional. Having a smoothie in your breakfast is pretty easy, but what about lunch? You cannot have all the necessary ingredients when you are away from home. Right?

l Fails in the long run

When you start the Smoothie Diet, your body goes through a drastic change in cutting down the calories. As vegetables and fruits are lower in calories and also devoid of the essential proteins and healthy fats. Replacing solid meals with liquids may help you at the beginning and you may see noticeable results, but when you start getting into your previous daily diets, you tend to get weight again. So The Smoothie Diet e-book and The Smoothie Diet review suggest following the diet frequently, which is not always a healthy option.

Why The Smoothie Diet book is Useful, Is it a Scam?

Not only for weight loss. Your body sometimes requires detoxification. This 21-day smoothie diet plan will help you to follow a detox plan, removing all the impurities from your body. You feel light and energetic restoring all the lost minerals and vitamins.

It does no harm to your body. They are lesser in calories. Ramp them up with protein and healthy fats making them tasty as well as to get the added benefits from it.

The Smoothie Diet User reviews 2021

While surfing the internet, you will get a number of The Smoothie Diet customer reviews who received benefits following the diet. Not this, The Smoothie Diet ebook provides you with various case studies of the people following the diet plan and getting unexpected results.

==> Download The Smoothie Diet Program

The Smoothie Diet Reviews — Final Verdict

The Smoothie Diet ebook provides you with numerous recipes, but to see results you need to maintain the proportions. Make your habit to have a healthy smoothie once a day in the long run. Try to tally the calorie count and know how much you need to consume in every meal, The Smoothie Diet will save you from all the common weight loss mistakes.

Use strawberries, blueberries, and apples in your smoothies. They are rich in antioxidants. Try to have smoothies as well, including spinach and kale. They are rich in minerals, vitamins, and potassium as well. To make your smoothie thick try using ice. If you are a peanut butter lover, go for the powdered one, avoid the creamy spread. And for natural sweeteners add mangoes or bananas, The Smoothie Diet will keep you away from the extra fats and artificial sugar.

Last not, whether you want to lose weight, or just want to follow a healthy lifestyle. Download now, The Smoothie Diet pdf and ebook, and head toward the kitchen. The Smoothie Diet is not a scam, try it today and share your The Smoothie Diet review along with us! Happy dieting!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

What is The Smoothie Diet?

It was a 21-day smoothie diet is an e-book prepared by Drew Sgoutas which contains a schedule and recipes for three weeks instructing what smoothies to be taken for each day.

Does The Smoothie Diet program good for weight loss?

This diet will help you shed approximately 2 or 3 pounds per week. You should expect to get rid of up to 50–70 pounds if you repeat this diet plan several times.

Are there any side effects by using The Smoothie Diet program?

No need to worry about any kind of side effects from the smoothie diet. Because there are no recorded side effects of the 21-day smoothie diet as it is prepared at home and is completely natural.

Why The Smoothie Diet is useful?

This program is not only for weight loss, but it will also help you to follow a detox plan, removing all the impurities from your body. You feel light and energetic restoring all the lost minerals and vitamins.

Who was the creator of The Smoothie Diet program?

The smoothie diet was created by Drew Sgoutas, a certified Nutrition Expert and Health Coach.

==> Download The Smoothie Diet Program

[megalony]

Broken heart

A Roger Taylor imagine that is based on an episode of the tv show House, I hope you all like it.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @luvborhap @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez

Warning: Implied character death (doesn’t actually die though)

Roger Taylor masterlist

Part 2

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Rog... you've been checked out, they've done every test you can think of. There's nothing wrong." Brian's words hit a brick wall and bounced right back to him leaving him and (Y/n) to be the ones to hear the words they already knew to be true. Roger seemed to be immune to people telling him that there was nothing wrong and that he was alright when normally it was the other way around where people were immune to hearing that they were not okay. If someone were to tell Roger right now that he wasn't okay then he would jump for joy that someone finally agreed with him.

The drummer knotted a hand into his hair as he stooped over in his chair, looking up at Brian and (Y/n) sadly as if he had a timer on his life and was now trying to tell them this. But they weren't listening.

Roger knew there was something wrong, he had always known that something was wrong but no one listened to him. No one took him seriously.

"That's what they said before! Brian, you were there when my dad died, you know what happened. It's not nothing, something's wrong." Roger tried to fight off tears but it wasn't working. The saltwater was beginning to fall from his eyes as he felt like he was insane. Pleading for his life when death was standing right in front of him and not willing to bargain. Brian had been there when things had taken a turn for the worst. He knew what the drummer was thinking, he understood Roger's worried but Brian couldn't give Roger the answers that he was looking for.

When Roger was barely twenty, his father had died very suddenly when he was not long into his forties. This had happened with Roger's grandfather too who had also died when just into his forties and they had both died suddenly from what seemed to be heart attacks or a heart failure. There had been no reason or cause for their deaths, they had no illnesses or heart problems before then but they had passed away. Roger knew that something wasn't right and he had been worried ever since his dad passed away that he was going to pass away just like both of them when he reached forty.

Roger had had every test in the book to see if there was anything that could be wrong with him that was passed down from his dad and grandad. But every test came back negative. Two days ago Roger and Brian had been in a minor car accident and had to go to the hospital. Nothing but a battered shoulder, two broken ribs and a torn muscle in his leg were wrong with Roger but he was still worried. He was thirty-nine, he was approaching forty and it felt like there was a ticking time bomb in the back of his head that was about to go off.

With Freddie's health not doing very well, Queen had stopped touring a few years back but they were still making albums. But Roger was continuing to tour with The Cross and for that, he needed a medical to make sure he was fit to tour after this recent accident. Roger was begging the doctors to do more tests because he was extremely worried he was going to die or have some kind of heart problem.

Roger was with (Y/n), they had two children and one on the way, Roger didn't want to die now. He hadn't gotten along that well with his own dad but it hurt when he had passed away. Roger saw how his dad's father dying had affected him and he saw friends lose their parents very young. Roger didn't want to do that to his kids because they were only ten and four, he couldn't leave them now because their lives had barely begun- one life hadn't even started yet. With his own dad it was easier, his dad had died when Roger was nineteen so he was old enough to process the news better. He couldn't leave his family now but he if no one thought anything was wrong then there was nothing he could do.

The hospital had discharged him today saying he was completely healthy apart from his recent injuries which weren't extensive. He was clear for another tour soon but Roger couldn't stop fretting.

"Sweetheart, there is nothing wrong with your heart. It's beating perfectly, you don't have a faulty valve, no uneven rhythm, it isn't too small or not working properly. It's perfect." (Y/n) stated quietly, moving to sit down beside him on the sofa before gently pulling him into her arms.

Roger seemed to collapse into her arms like a crumpled piece of paper, his head resting on her chest as he gingerly pressed his hand to her stomach. He needed that comfort but at the same time, he didn't want it because he was being told the same thing that he had been told for years, the thing that he didn't want to believe. So many people would give everything to be told that there was nothing wrong with them but Roger would give it all to hear that there was something wrong because he didn't want to die in vain. He didn't want to pass away and leave his family behind without any warning. He wanted to know that there was something wrong.

Roger wanted his family to have a reason rather than how he had no reason for his dad or grandfather dying. He wanted to know and he wanted to prevent it but if they couldn't see anything wrong then there was nothing to prevent and no way to make him feel at ease.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "What's up, sweetheart? Daddy not in there?" (Y/n) questioned, a smile on her lips as she saw Daisy standing just in the threshold of Roger's study. She had wandered into his and (Y/n)'s bedroom to find her father wasn't there and so had scouted the house and came to the study to see if he was in here. When Roger wasn't working or away on tour Daisy was his little shadow, following him around like a lost puppy, not that he minded at all.

Charlie was more Roger's double than his shadow but he still liked to be around Roger when he was at home. The ten-year-old was starting to take to the drums so Roger was now teaching him how to play.

"He's sleeping." Daisy huffed, her chin tipping down as her eyes saddened because she didn't want to wake him but she wanted to stay with him. Tilting her head to the side, (Y/n)'s smile dropped at the response as she motioned for Daisy to walk over to her. Roger hadn't been feeling amazing since the car accident, he had been in bed all day yesterday but he wouldn't go to the study and just fall asleep. That wasn't like Roger and he had seemed to feel a bit better today.

"You go and play, I'll wake him up." (Y/n) responded, ruffling Daisy's slightly curly hair before the little girl nodded, toddling down the hall to go to her room since Roger was asleep.

Walking into the study, (Y/n) managed to get both feet inside before they became glued to the carpet. Her hand reaching out to stabilise herself before her knees buckled beneath her, her left hand grasping the chair to stop herself from falling as her other hand clamped over her mouth. Desperate not to scream and alert either child in the house that something was wrong.

(Y/n) felt her body beginning to shake as her eyes widened as if she was a deer caught in the headlights. Roger wasn't asleep, he was unconscious. The drummer was collapsed on the floor of the study next to the small table that held the record player he had had since he was in university. (Y/n) wanted to scream, she wanted to cry and shake Roger to see if he was just asleep or had fainted but she couldn't find the ability to move. She wanted to do too many things at once and it had limited her movement to nothing.

"Mum is dad-" Charlie cut himself off when he leaned around his mother's frame. A choking sound flowing from his lips as his airways felt like they were closing up.

Charlie had never seen Roger cry before. He hadn't seen Roger looked worried about hardly anything or seen his father panic or faint or collapse once in his life. Roger was always the strong one, he was Charlie's rock, he was his dad and this wasn't something that would happen to Roger.

The ten-year-old shuddered as if he was about to fall before he tried to make a break for Roger. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he wanted to do something. He wanted to wake Roger up, to shake his shoulder and tell him to stop playing around because this wasn't funny. He wanted to shout at his dad for scaring his mother stiff and for making him feel like his heart was going to come out of his chest. Charlie got one foot past (Y/n) before she seemed to become unglued from her state. Her arms flung around their eldest, pulling Charlie into her chest but he struggled against her. They couldn't just let Roger lay on the floor like this and not help him.

"Mum get off-"

"Go call for an ambulance and then call uncle Brian." (Y/n) felt her voice quivering as if someone was shaking her as she spoke. She used the small force she felt creeping into her system to push Charlie behind her so he would go to the door. Kissing his temple before urging him to go. "Charlie!" She scolded, trying to get him to listen as her face showed she was pleading with him on this. His jaw locked, teeth grinding together as he clenched his hands into fists before he ran out of the room to do as asked.

Swallowing harshly, (Y/n) turned back to face Roger, her mouth falling as if there were strings pulling the corners of her mouth down. Pushing herself to move, she went to Roger's side, holding her stomach as she quickly eased herself down to her knees beside him.

"Rog... Roger.... come on sweetheart please." (Y/n) felt the tears welling in her eyes as she pressed her fingers to his neck to check his pulse. A sudden frown on her features when she couldn't find it. Reaching out she grabbed his wrist instead, moving her fingers to his pulse point over his vein, pressing down to try and feel that thumping of pressure against her fingertips. But again, she could feel nothing. Her eyes narrowed as her lips parted but no words escaped. Leaning down she pressed her hand to his chest, watching both his chest and his lips intently to see if he was breathing. "Oh, God."

Her jaw slacked as her lower lip wobbled, tears pouring from her eyes when she could see he wasn't breathing and couldn't find a pulse.

Grasping his shoulders, (Y/n) turned the drummer over so he was laying on his back before she tilted his head back and parted his lips. It had been a long time since she had practised CPR, her first aid training had been years ago and up to now (Y/n) had no need to use it. No one in the street or anyone she knew had suddenly collapsed and had needed resuscitating. But she couldn't do nothing because Roger could be dead already or he could be dying and she couldn't let that happen.

"Roger don't d-do this to me." (Y/n) hiccuped through the words as she started compressions on his chest.

She needed Roger. The kids needed him, they hadn't even had their third child yet, they had three more months to go he couldn't die now he needed to be there when their baby was born. He couldn't die, not now, not like this.

At first (Y/n) had believed him when he said there was something wrong with his heart. In the beginning, when they started their relationship she believed him because he seemed so sure and it seemed rather concerning about his grandfather and his dad. As time went on all the tests he had done showed nothing was wrong. Roger didn't want to have children at first because he thought if he did die he couldn't leave a child without a father, he wouldn't do that to a child. But nothing had been found wrong with him and he loved the thought of a child.

He had been scared when they had Charlie because he thought if something was indeed wrong, he could have passed it down to Charlie. But as time passed it was something they put out of their minds up until now. When Roger knew that he was approaching forty and that something could happen.

(Y/n) had been worried to tell him that they were expecting another child because Roger had been so panicked that he was going to die and this baby wasn't planned. He had been overly worried but he wasn't angry or upset.

Now it seemed that he had reason for concern.

"Roger." (Y/n) spat through gritted teeth after giving him oxygen, her hands interlocking again so she could start with more compressions. "You can't leave me!" The words were spluttered through a horrendous cry as her efforts weren't working. (Y/n) felt her chest heaving and her hands and arms beginning to tingle and strain as she tried to apply the right pressure, not too little but not too much. She needed that balance but it was hard to find let alone keep up.

But she couldn't stop. (Y/n) had heard of people giving CPR for ten minutes until medics arrived and it had worked. The person had been revived and that meant that compressions were vital right now because she didn't know how long Roger had been unconscious for or how long his heart had stopped for.

Turning her head to look over her shoulder sharply when she heard a sudden sob, (Y/n)'s eyes widened as her face fell when she saw Charlie sobbing loudly as he watched her from the doorway. He knew what CPR was so he knew that it happened when someone was very ill and when their heart had stopped working or wasn't working efficiently. He had never seen such a look of distraught and pain on his mother's face before and he never wanted to see it again. Roger was always there to comfort and look after (Y/n), he couldn't be the one causing her this distress.

Roger was always there.

"Out." (Y/n)'s throat was raw as she tried not to shout because Charlie was hurt and in shock but she couldn't have him witnessing this. Her head turned so she could start compressions again, not having the time to stop. "Charlie get out now! Go and wait for the ambulance downstairs- just get out." (Y/n) had to be harsh to get him to leave. Charlie didn't need this engraved in his mind, she would rather him be mad at her than seeing this. "Roger don't leave us." The words were whispered so quietly that Charlie didn't catch them, (Y/n) couldn't hear herself saying the words that she needed Roger to hear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "(Y/n)... come sit down." John begged, his tear-stained face pleading with one of his friends to try and calm down and sit before she made herself ill. From the moment John and Freddie had run into the waiting room she had been pacing up and down the corridor, not able to sit down and wait. Waiting was never her strong point but this was different, she needed to be told that Roger was okay. She needed to be with him but they had shut her out.

Brian had called John from (Y/n)'s house who then proceeded to call Freddie, all knowing they needed to be with (Y/n) at the hospital. Brian had taken the kids to (Y/n)'s mum's house, saying he would meet them at the hospital after making sure the kids were alright.

Slowly getting to his shaking legs, John reached out and wrapped his arms around (Y/n)'s shoulders. Gently pulling her into him before guiding her to sit down, she had been pacing for over fifteen minutes now and she looked about ready to dropdown. Her eyes were reddened and bloodshot, her features were pale and her stance told them she didn't have much energy to keep walking around but she forced herself to because she didn't want to sit still.

Leaning over, (Y/n) let her head fall onto John's shoulder as tears continued to pour from her eyes even when she closed them tightly. She didn't want to be without Roger, she'd never had to be without him before. The kids needed him too, he couldn't leave them.

John rubbed his hand up and down her arm as he kissed the top of her head, trying to calm her down but he couldn't use words because there was nothing he could say that would help or make this situation better. Freddie reached over to rest his hand on her knee, biting his lip as he looked around for something to occupy his frantic mind. Both men looked at one another in both sorrow and fright when (Y/n) lowered her head to look at her stomach, rubbing her hand over her stomach as if trying to connect to the baby. But all that happened was more tears poured from her eyes as a small sob left her lips. She couldn't do this without Roger.

No one said anything when Brian came running down the corridor, one look at the three of them told him that they had heard no news of Roger which made him both relieved yet worried. They surely should have heard something by now but at least that meant nothing bad had happened whilst he had been away.

All four of them snapped their heads to look to the left five minutes later when a doctor walked out of the room they knew Roger was in.

John kept his arms around (Y/n) to help her to her feet as they all stood up, trying not to cry but it couldn't be helped, nor could the shaking in all of their bones. Brian reached over, resting his hand on (Y/n)'s shoulder silently as they waited for the doctor to tell them what was wrong with Roger and what had happened. All they really knew was he had collapsed and his heart had needed CPR from both (Y/n) and the paramedics that had turned up.

(Y/n) felt her body turning numb as her vision started to become covered in white dots when the doctor shook his head. Everything seemed to be numbed down as if she had been given a dose of morphine. Her eyes fell closed as her head fell back onto John's shoulder. Her body crumpling like a piece of paper as everything seemed to turn off around her. Their frightened voices died out into nothing but static in her ears before she felt everything go quiet, the world turning off.

[abstract-apocalypse]

OTP meme, tagged by the wonderful @mojave-musing! I'll be answering for Poe, my wasteland plague doctor, and Null, @mojave-musing's synth bab.

Do they fight often? If so, what is their dynamic like?

I doubt it, Null is pretty easygoing in general, and though Poe can be sort of forceful and stubborn, she's also fiercely devoted to Null so she generally keeps a rein on that before it can cause any fights. If they did fight, Poe would get really upset. Null is one of the most important people in her life, and one of the only people she feels truly close to, plus Poe tends to blame herself in conflicts since she is really bad with people. Null withdraws and gets quiet, but Poe apologizes pretty quickly, and they make up.

Who is the most skeptical of the two?

Skeptical with regards to cryptids and aliens and ghosts and stuff? I'd say Null, Poe is definitely like I've seen things I can't explain and there's shit out there in the desert. Null probably sees more of the logical side of things. If this question just means general credulity, they're pretty even, both are wary of strange people and unverified information.

Who would be most likely to suggest a night of dancing?

Honestly, neither. I don't imagine either is especially good at dancing, and they're both awkward introverts. They're more likely to stay in and do their own thing. If they're alone maybe they'll dance, neither is good but they're having fun and they're not embarrassed around each other.

What would they do if the other was injured in battle?

Well, Poe isn't much for fighting, she prefers to move in after and do her doctor shit, but she would lose her mind. She tries to do what she needs to treat Null, but she's shaky and sloppier than normal, if her brother Edgar is there she definitely gets him to do it because she is not calm at all. Null would kill whoever is still left to be a threat, then rush Poe to somewhere she can be treated. They're probably pretty scared too, tho maybe not showing it so much and shoving it down since they've been in a lot of really stressful fights before, but still, having a loved one on the line is new and scary.

How do their fighting styles complement each other?

Poe avoids fighting, but when she has to she favors rifles and likes to keep a healthy distance, and Null is a sniper, so they both stay back and try to pick off the bad guys before they're close enough to be a problem. Poe of course patches them both up after if needs be.

Do they want children? Does it frighten them? How many do they want?

Null is probably sterile since they're an earlier prototype of synths and I'd imagine functioning reproductive organs were one of the last things to be added. Null is lukewarm on kids, but Poe doesn't want any. She lost her parents as a young kid and it kinda scarred her on the topic of parenthood, plus she isn't very emotionally aware and just doesn't love kids. The idea of being pregnant terrifies her in a body horror kind of way.

What happened when they took them home to their families? If their families aren’t in the picture anymore, how do they feel about it?

Null has no family, and probably doesn't feel too strongly about it since it's not like they're dead or anything, just... never existed. Poe's only remaining family is Edgar, her twin brother, and he was the first person she told about her feelings for Null. He likes Null, and thinks they're a good match for Poe, and of course Poe is thrilled that the two most important people in her life get along.

How does each person show affection towards the other?

Null shows affection mostly by actions and little things, telling Poe about their past, and of course the big one, letting her see the place around their eye where the metal bits show. They also show interest in her interests, primarily the medical stuff of course. Poe is very flowery with her words with Null, she's very much the My Dearest Lover I Hope When We Die We Rot Side By Side And The Same Vultures Eat Our Entrails type, and she is just more talkative with Null. Most people perceive her as eerily quiet, but she could talk to Null for hours. Also she shows them her collection of gross medical things, like fingers she's amputated from people, and maybe gives them one as a token of her affection.

Who cries the most? Who is better at comforting?

Neither cries all that much, Null is pretty stoic and Poe just doesn't express herself that way for the most part. Also they're both bad at comforting most people, but with each other it just works. That's their big thing, mutual weirdness and awkwardness.

Who is the bigger flirt?

Poe for sure, but in really weird, unsettling ways. She's like hey babe do you wanna watch while I cut open this guy? He's full of cool weird tumors. If you want to you can hold one after I excise it. But Null is weird so they're into it.

idk who to tag specifically, i tag everyone who sees this!!

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Clinics and Consequences

A JSE Fanfic

I’ve had this idea for months, and I’m excited, if a bit nervous, to finally get it out there. Think of this as a “what-if.” Maybe even an AU, though probably not quite that, uhh, big (I guess) because it’s just one story. Also putting this in as part of the Schneep Appreciation Week, because it focuses on him and also writing is art! Anyway, this takes place in May shortly after Schneep...“got back.” And it follows something that might have happened, in another world.

The room was pretty empty. It had to be, in accordance with the hospital regulations. Dr. Rya Laurens liked to think that though it was empty, it wasn’t hollow, but the truth was that you still couldn’t help but notice a clinical sort of feeling. It was in the white-painted walls and the gray carpet, in the fluorescent lights overhead whose bright light evenly covered the room. There were only three pieces of furniture in the room: a table and two chairs.

Dr. Laurens tapped the edges of the folder against the table surface, making sure all the papers were contained inside and not slipping out. Then she set it down and looked up at the man sitting across from her. Brown hair. Blue eyes that had been hidden behind glasses before, but those hadn’t complied with the hospital regulations either. Simple sweater and pants. His arms were folded on top of the table, fingers drumming a rhythm of some sort on his sleeve. She smiled at him. “Hi. My name’s Dr. Laurens. Are you ready to start, Mr. Schneeplestein?”

“Doctor.”

“Yes?”

“No, no.” He shook his head. “My name is Dr. Schneeplestein. You are using the wrong thing in front.”

“Oh.” Laurens checked the first page in the file real quick. She didn’t know why, exactly, because she already knew this guy was a surgeon. Probably just to cover her tracks or something. “Yes, that’s the wrong prefix. Sorry.” She coughed, a jittery sound. “Can I call you Henrik?”

“No.”

Laurens raised her eyebrow. “You sure? I don’t want to accidentally mispronounce your name or anything.”

He shrugged. “I suppose you can call me ‘Schneep.’ It is a nickname my friends have given to me.”

“Alright.” Laurens clicked her pen on and made a note of the name in the file. “So, then. Schneep. Do you know why you’re here?”

Schneep’s fingers stopped tapping. “In this room, or in this building?”

“Either one.” Laurens smiled patiently. “Or both, whichever you prefer.”

Schneep looked down at the table surface and didn’t say anything. Dr. Laurens decided to wait for a bit, double-checking that everything was in order in the file. She swallowed, a bit nervous. After a few seconds, Schneep looked back up at her and said, “No.”

“You don’t know why you’re here?” Laurens clarified.

“Well...I have some idea,” Schneep admitted. “But I do not see the sense in it.”

Laurens pursed her lips. “I see...” She leaned back in her chair and began rifling through the folder again. “Well, I can try to help you with that. I have some recordings of past events here. I can...remind you of things, and maybe then you’ll, ah, see the sense in it.”

Schneep didn’t say anything. Laurens glanced up at him briefly before turning her attention back to the papers in the folder. She cleared her throat. “So. On August third last year, you were in your office at the hospital when your friend—Jack, correct?” She waited for his stiff nod before continuing. “Your friend Jack showed up, apparently to ask for a check-up. You decided to help, and went with him to an examination room. About forty minutes later, you left the examination room with Jack, except he was losing consciousness. You took him to one of the empty operating rooms and refused aid when offered by some of your coworkers. Five hours later, you left the room, and then the building.”

“I did not leave,” Schneep said quietly.

Laurens jumped, not expecting him to speak. “Well, you were seen leaving. Both by several doctors, nurses, and patients, and the security cameras.”

“I did not leave,” he repeated insistently.

“Well...” Laurens took a deep breath. When Schneep didn’t say anything else, she continued. “Regardless of when or if you left, when one of the nurses next checked the room, Jack was unconscious, in fact, in a coma upon further examination, and surrounded by the tools and evidence of a botched operation.”

“Yes, well, that is true,” Schneep admitted. “I did preform an operation on Jack, once it seemed there was no other option to save his life.”

“From what? According to his medical records, Jack was perfectly healthy at the time.” Laurens pulled out another paper. “Not to mention the examination brought up traces of sedatives in his system, and various other medications he didn’t need.”

“It is...difficult to explain,” Schneep said slowly. He leaned forward. “But it was not my fault. I did not mean for Jack to go into the coma.”

“I believe you.” And really, she did. On that part, at least. She took a deep, shaky breath. She replaced the paper she’d withdrawn. “But what about the others? Those weren’t your fault either?”

Schneep hesitated. “The other...what? I-I do not know what you mean.”

Laurens flipped through the file, glancing back up at him every few seconds. “November 11th, last year. December 21st, last year. December 24th, last year. January 17th, this year. February 5th, this year.” She paused in her flipping. “You don’t recognize these dates? I have more.” Schneep didn’t say anything, eyes cast downward again. She closed the folder. “Thirteen people are dead—”

“Is not my fault!” Schneep’s head whipped upward, eyes wide. He unfolded his arms and banged his hands against the table. Laurens jumped, scooting her chair back an inch. “You must understand that! Nobody does, but it is the truth. It is not my fault.”

Laurens forced herself to lean forward again. The room was silent except for the small sound of her pen rolling across the table. She didn’t bother to grab it again. She smiled; it wavered for a bit before steadying. “You have to look at the facts, Dr. Schneeplestein. You disappear after this operation on your friend, only to be witnessed at the scene of several kidnappings, and the victims turned up later, dead. Killed in a way similar to being operating on, using medical equipment, some of which had your fingerprints. And no one else’s.” She kept the friendly smile plastered on her face, even as she remembered the crime scene photos she’d looked over in preparation for this meeting. If there was ever a definition of a ‘gristly scene’...she hadn’t even thought the human body contained that much blood.

“Okay, I admit how that looks.” Schneep laughed a bit, cutting himself off abruptly. “But trust me. It—it is more complicated than that.”

“Well, can you tell me about it?” Laurens prompted.

Schneep opened his mouth, hesitated, then closed it again. “I...I cannot.”

“You can’t? Why?”

He rubbed his neck. A bit of an odd gesture. Laurens narrowed her eyes. He seemed nervous, or even scared. But then he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and when he opened them again they were angry. “Because I know you will not believe anything I will say.”

“That’s not tru—”

“It is!” Schneep snapped. Laurens fought the urge to lean backwards again. “It is the nature of this place, even if I give you a reasonable explanation, you will not believe me! You will say it is just in my head.”

“I...you’re justified in thinking that,” Laurens admitted. “But I can promise you, I’ll look to follow up on any explanation you give me. Even if you think I won’t believe you.”

Schneep rolled his eyes. “Forgive me for my doubts. Besides, I do not think you can follow up on this, and even if you could, he—” He clamped a hand over his mouth. His eyes had suddenly gone very wide, the color draining from his face.

“Who’s ‘he’?” Laurens asked curiously.

Schneep shook his head, hand still covering his mouth.

“Well...you can tell me later, if you want,” Laurens said. She tried to sound encouraging. “But in the meantime...if it turns out you aren’t responsible for this, you can leave. And it can’t hurt to take some anti-”—she noticed Schneep jump—“-psychotics in the meantime. Your records say you stopped taking yours sometime in early July last year?”

Schneep’s eyes darted to the left, then to the right, and he nodded, lowering his hand but not saying anything.

“That’s not good, regardless of who you are or what you did,” Laurens said sympathetically. “There should be an orderly on the way with some pills for you to take, if you want. I can stay—” She was cut off by a sudden beep from her pager. She sighed irritably, checking it where it was belted to her waist. The message was short. What pager messages weren’t? She really wished they could be allowed to use their phones inside the main building, but again, it was against regulations. Nothing that could communicate to the world at large was allowed, and had to be dropped off in employee lockers. She looked back up. “I’m really sorry, but I have to go now. You’re okay with waiting a bit while I take care of this?”

He nodded, again staying quiet. His eyes flicked over to a spot over Laurens’ shoulder, then back again. “Thank you so much. Don’t worry, I’ll be right back.” She gathered her folder and stood up. She pushed her chair back under the table, and walked quickly over to the room’s only door. Before leaving, she glanced behind her one more time. Schneep was leaning on the table, and not looking at her. She sighed quietly, and closed the door behind her.

------------------

“Is this important?” Laurens asked quietly as she walked into the next room. “I don’t like leaving patients alone.”

Her boss, Dr. Jennifer Newson, rolled her eyes. “What’s he gonna do? Poke himself?”

“No, I mean...never mind.” Laurens sighed. “What is it?”

Dr. Newson didn’t answer for a while, turning her attention to the one-way window connecting them to the other room. Laurens didn’t approve of that window. The people in the observation room deserved to know if they were being watched. Currently, Schneep was on the other side of the glass, his head in his hands, elbows propped up on the table. “I wanted to ask you if you’re sure,” Dr. Newson said.

“It’s...a little late for that, isn’t it?” Laurens laughed nervously.

“Rya, I’m serious.” Dr. Newson turned to face her. “This is a highly sensitive case, and you just came back from...leave.”

Laurens didn’t like the way she said ‘leave.’ Like she’d skipped out on her duties to drink pina coladas in Costa Rica, instead of taking a break to try out being a personal therapist instead of part of an organized institution. But she didn’t say anything.

“I’m just saying.” Dr. Newson raised her hands like she was being arrested. “If you’re feeling out of your depth, it’s totally fine to ask someone else to take over.”

“Like who? You?”

Dr. Newson shrugged. “Well I mean, if I have to.”

Laurens glanced over to the window. Schneep was sitting up straight, looking around the room. She watched as his eyes settled on looking at something on the wall opposite the window. “Wouldn’t that be...confusing?” she asked.

“What?” Dr. Newson followed her eyes. Schneep was starting to look a little on edge, shoulders raised. His lips moved, but without the intercom on it was impossible to tell what he was saying, if he was saying anything out loud at all. “Oh. He’ll be fine,” Dr. Newson waved Laurens’ concern away. “It’s just one session, it wouldn’t matter.”

“You don’t know that,” Laurens whispered, hugging the folder she was still holding.

“What? Speak up, Rya.”

“I said you don’t know that,” Laurens repeated in a louder voice. “Sometimes people get upset with changes in routine, and it can take just one meeting to establish that routine. I don’t think we should make people upset.”

“Especially not in this case, huh?” Dr. Newson laughed. “It’s gonna be fine. You think we can’t handle one guy?” She jerked her thumb over her shoulder, pointing back out the window without looking.

Laurens glanced out the window again. Schneep had pulled his legs up onto the seat of the chair and was covering his ears. His eyes were tracking some movement along the wall opposite him. He looked...he looked scared. Laurens’ heart twisted. “But...Dr. Newson, I’m really fine with this assignment. I don’t need a transfer.”

Dr. Newson cocked an eyebrow. “You sure? I’ll be honest, you looked a little nervous through that whole talk in there.”

Another glance at the window. The room’s door had opened, and an orderly walked in, balancing a metal tray with a paper cup on one hand. Schneep didn’t notice, staying completely still except for the occasional twitch. “I was kind of nervous,” Laurens admitted. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to give up when—when someone ne-needs help. I can...only take this assignment, and no others, if it helps. So I can devote full attention to it.”

Dr. Newson sighed. “Alright, fine.” She stepped closer to Laurens, placing a hand on each of her shoulders. “But. If you ever change your mind, come talk to me. I’m sure I could find someone else who’d take this one. And if I can’t, I’m willing to do it myself.” She smiled wide. “Okay?”

Laurens tried not to squirm at the weight of Dr. Newson’s hands on her shoulders, or the pressing sensation of having her boss stand this close to her. “Okay,” she agreed.

“Attagirl!” Dr. Newson clapped her on the back. “Now, you can finish the session. I’ll still be here, watching for anyth—” She turned around. And stopped. “What the fuck?!”

Laurens peered over Dr. Newson’s shoulder, looking at the window. She also froze. And then she dropped the folder and shrieked.

“Go, go, go!” Dr. Newson was pushing her out the door, and she was halfway through before her mind could even process that she was. “Go get someone! I’ll deal with this!”

Laurens sprinted down the hall, half-stumbling, hand tracing the wall for balance. She reached a corner and started shouting, drawing the attention of a pair of orderlies. She wasn’t even truly aware of what she was saying, just that the words ‘accident’ and ‘right now’ were coming up a lot. The orderlies ran towards her, and she gestured for them to follow, heading back towards the observation room. The door was now wide open. Against regulations. She skidded to a halt and stared inside.

The chair had been knocked over at one point. The orderly from before was lying on the floor, his hand pressed against his neck, blood leaking from beneath his fingers, as well as three puncture wounds on his arm. Dr. Newson and Schneep were also on the floor. Dr. Newson was holding Schneep’s wrist in one hand and pushing him against one of the table legs with the other. And Schneep was pushing back, grabbing at her hand with his free one and kicking out. Laurens was admittedly impressed by how unfazed Dr. Newson was. Her eyes drifted over to Schneep’s hand, the one Dr. Newson was determinedly keeping away from her. He was holding her pen. Her pen, which she realized with a jolt that she’d left behind. It was covered in blood. Blood that splashed up his hand and stained the cuff of his sweater.

Dr. Newson glanced over at her and the two orderlies, shouting something about twenty cc’s of something. One of the orderlies rushed to help their injured comrade, the other joining Dr. Newson. Laurens stayed rooted in the doorway, helplessly watching.

Schneep broke away from Dr. Newson and the orderly for a moment, scrambling across the floor. “I am sorry,” he gasped. “Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I did not mean—please—” He broke into laughter, harsh and maniacal. The laughter then turned into a scream. “Leave me alone!” Tears were leaking from his eyes.

The orderly caught up to him, wrapping an arm around him. He was holding a syringe in his other hand, and awkwardly tilted Schneep’s head back and plunged the needle into his neck. Schneep jerked his head away, but it was too late. “Was not my fault!” he shouted. “Was not my fault. Believe, believe. Was not my...fault. Please...” He slowly slumped over, and within thirty seconds he was out.

Dr. Newson stood up, brushing off her sleeves. “God, can’t believe we actually had to do that. That’s supposed to be a last resort.”

“Was there another way?” Laurens asked. But the question was so quiet, it didn’t carry.

“Hey, how’s Jenkins doing?” Dr. Newson asked.

The orderly tending to the injured one looked up. “He’s alright for now, but losing a lot of blood. We need the medical team, now.”

“I’ll page them,” Dr. Newson said, already taking out her pager and flipping it open. As she typed, she looked over to Laurens. “Still wanna take this?”

Laurens glanced down at Schneep, still unconscious and being held by the orderly. The bloody pen had rolled away from his hand. She nodded.

“Wow. Okay. You’re really sure? He just tried to kill someone.”

“That was my fault, Dr. Newson,” Lauren said. “I left the pen in the room.”

“Oh, like he wouldn’t have found a way to do it anyway.” Dr. Newson snapped her pager closed. “But guess it’s your risk to take. Though I suggest you continue the session tomorrow, after he’s had a chance to cool down. Harrison, you can take him back to his room.”

The orderly nodded, standing up, adjusting the way he was holding the unconscious Schneep. “Um, Dr. Newson,” Laurens piped up. “May I accompany them?”

Dr. Newson shrugged. “Sure. Uh...and while you’re there, double-check for anything that can be...used.”

“I will.” Laurens nodded, and followed the orderly out the room and down the hall.

This new assignment was sure to be...interesting. Maybe difficult, though you could never tell this early on. But Laurens was sure of one thing:

Schneep was just as scared of what was going on as the rest of them were.

[pitiless-achilles-wept]

Not "Just Hair": Exposure, Autonomy, and Vulnerability

Hello friends, In the past couple days it's become clear to me that I've hit a certain (unwelcome) cancer milestone: I'm losing my hair. Right now it's just shedding like crazy. (If I had a contest with my cat--who's losing his hair for summer right now--I would still totally win!) I don't know why, given that it's a primary side effect of this drug (90% of people lose their hair), but I'm somehow still surprised. I think I felt that, having been in in an improbable, tiny percentage on most other things related to this disease I might at least have the chance to be in the special 10% on something positive. Not so! Perhaps I'm also surprised, though, because my other symptoms haven't been very bad...so much so that (as I wrote about before) I'm in a constant anxiety spiral about whether something physical is a sign or symptom and, if so, whether it means the treatment is working or not. Hair falling out is unquestionably a sign that the chemo is doing something--that it's doing precisely what it's supposed to, in fact, and targeting fast-growing cells of all types. So, yes, in that sense I want to lose my hair. Right when I was first diagnosed I wanted them to hit me with everything all at once: chemo, surgery, radiation - I wanted to be assaulted by every weapon the medical profession had to wield against cancer and I didn't care what I looked like or how I suffered. I wanted to enter treatment as a warrior and I wanted to look like one, shaved head and all. Somehow, though, I lost that attitude. It's not that I don't want to fight, but that the stance of being a warrior all the time is exhausting. There's a lot that's less than ideal about using the language of conflict and battle (and implicitly of winning and losing) to talk about something that you don't have any control over. If this chemo agent doesn't kill enough cells (as my pessimistic side believes it won't) it won't be because I did or didn't do anything. If it does work, it's only my victory in the sense that it's good luck for me. My body isn't the warrior so much as a field on which battles are waged on a cellular level. And my mind has nothing to do with the success--or not--of these conflicts. Fundamentally, I have no control. And that's the hardest thing for me about losing my hair.  [More below including Buffy gifs!!]

The loss of bodily autonomy involved in having cancer is huge. Not only does it feel like it's something personal, since it's your own cells (sometimes directed by your own DNA) that have betrayed you, but it's also something you can't fix; you can't do anything to change the outcome of your treatment. You can change the treatment itself (different chemo agents, additional drugs, supplementary radiation), but you can't train for it the way you train for a marathon, where your own commitment to training can pretty much guarantee you steady progress and a positive result. You can supplement your own treatment with things (vitamins, injections, crystals, chocolate) that you believe may help. You can train yourself in healthy ways to respond emotionally. (I was already in therapy but everyone involved with cancer treatment should be.) You can go to the gym and keep your body "otherwise healthy"--a phrase that my doctors said to and about me repeatedly during the diagnosis phase and that I never stopped finding funny...being perfectly healthy EXCEPT for Stage 4 cancer is something of a cosmic joke. (I know that they meant that, unlike many of their patients, I could endure the treatments very well and with minimal complications. That IS a good thing. But still...) You cannot train for cancer treatment. It's a battle, but one you must enter alone, untrained, and unarmed. Fundamentally, you have only yourself. And that must be enough. (I don't mean to dismiss the wonderful community of friends and family here; you all give me the strength to fight this fight. You just can't go with me.) There's an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a show which I love and which has meant a lot to me at different times in my life, where Buffy must fight her vampire ex-boyfriend Angel (who SPOILERS used to be a good guy because he was cursed with a soul but he lost it because he experienced true happiness with her) who has been systematically finding the best ways to hurt her, psychologically, before killing her. In this final battle, he backs her against a wall, sword pointed at her and says, "So that's everything. No weapons. No friends. No hope. Take all that away and what's left?" to which she replies, while grabbing his sword midair with her bare hands, "Me.":

(Gif source: x)

If you want it, here's a clip on YouTube (this exchange is about a minute in). That moment has been my inspiration from the first moment of diagnosis. I had already used it to get through my divorce when I felt I had lost everything. I hadn't, though, because I was still me, with a core resilience and self-confidence and the righteous strength that enabled me to keep going, to thrive. It is grossly unfair that, less than a year later, I need to draw on that same energy again, but that is how battles work. We survive to fight another day. No weapons. No friends. No hope. Take all that away and what's left? Me. I know I've just employed the rhetoric of battle immediately after saying it's not ideal. It's not. I'm a peacetime creature, really, as are most of us. But I won't back down from a fight or sidestep necessary conflict either. And being a warrior is not the same as being embroiled in constant battle. Even Achilles put down his shield and wept in Priam's tent. In fact, all this content is on another blog whose title is "Pitiless Achilles Wept." You can read here about why I called it that, but here's the most important part that I wrote about the scene where Achilles and Priam cry together:

"They speak the universal language of human beings here: grief. They weep as fathers and sons and lovers because that’s honestly the only constant in our small human lives. So here I am, recording my grief, with the hope that at least, by being together, we can get through the evil I have to endure. I actually thought that the blog title was a quotation–and a beautiful line of poetry–but nowhere can I find a translation that reads, 'Pitiless Achilles wept.' But I still cannot think of a line that feels more appropriate to record the thoughts of someone who has to be both a warrior (brave, fierce, pitiless) and a frightened, vulnerable person."

Tonight I am that frightened and vulnerable person, furious that (without my permission) my body is shedding the hair that I have always loved and scared at how it will change my experience of being in the world. When I got my hair cut two weeks ago it showed no signs of giving up the ghost. My stylist tugged on it and pronounced that "you have really strong hair!" and I allowed myself to think that, somehow, that would protect me. Ah yes, I thought, my hair is strong like all the rest of me; it will endure.

Losing it therefore feels symbolic on a number of levels. I know that it doesn't make me weak, but it does make me vulnerable. How can I be so exposed, without any hair to duck under when I feel anxious? How will I get through the day without being able to run my hands through my hair (a nervous tic that is a self-soothing gesture...and currently hastening my hair loss)? How will I cope with being no longer regarded as immediately aesthetically pleasing (from my privileged position as someone who ticks many of the stereotypical boxes for attractiveness) by people who don't know me? (I did not realize how much I relied on this to navigate the world but it has certainly been made visible to me now. Perhaps this warrants another post later.)

Losing my hair is a good sign. We all want chemo to be as effective as possible so the more fast-growing cells we see being targeted the better. But as it marks me, visibly, as "sick" it robs me of the opportunity to choose whether to tell people or not--yet another loss of autonomy. I do have a wig that looks as much as possible like my regular hair. (I don't love everything about it but unless you have one custom-made you're not likely to find anything that looks precisely like you do.) This should enable me to pass as healthy, barring other obvious symptoms. But I imagine I might be the kind of person who would rather go bald (or at least with a 1930s Norma Desmond head wrap) as a way of owning my illness, taking back some of what it has stolen. I might rather this say, "Yes, this illness is a part of me now--even if it's not pretty. That's what a warrior looks like." No weapons. No friends. No...hair. Take all that away and what's left?