#anxiety blows
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Put an offer in on a condo and ahhhhh. I've been an anxious mess all day 🥺😔 I just. Want a hug 👉👈
#a hug from a certain boy in particular#but like#soon#anyway#anxiety blows#this is so stresful#ahhhhh
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#lmao#for anyone who's curious the process went:#send ask to aita official#blog blows up#someone realizes its a chexer fic#i follow them bc they seem cool#i join their rvb server#their encouragement pushes me to finish the Actual Fic i was working on#i expand the fic to be more of a whole au after it comes out much better than expected#the next fic in the au that i work on has to do with a character's brain injury#this leads me to do research into brain injuries#''......huh. this sounds. a lot like the neurological symptoms that my doctors have been saying is just part of my anxiety disorder''#think on that for a while#go to the ER for unrelated reasons#remember my theory#bring it up to the doctor#Doctor Immediate Concern#doctors orders a ct scan#''eeyup! that there's some atrophying and a chiari malformation! y'ever had a head injury''#(i had had several)#''well! shit! time to refer you to neurosurgery :) see if we cant do somethin about all that memory loss and severe pain and shit''#and now we are here#it also lead me to research osddid systems for the first fic#and now my therapist is having me tested for osdd because i did not know that those symptoms were not a thing everyone experiences#so like. thanks for helping me meet friends who could encourage me to engage with the things i like + learn more about myself#^ ^ <3#im actually not gonna say ''ok last update fr this time'' bc idfk maybe something WOULD be funny to post on here
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i think the turning point in my life both academically and professionally was realizing that. If you Go First, be it a presentation or an interview or whatever. If you go first, you are being judged based on NOTHING but yourself. They aren't comparing you to anyone else, you don't have an act to "follow". You are the Bar. You can literally just do the best you can and at that point it will automatically be the best they've seen so far. And once you're done you're done. You can mentally and emotionally check out.
Game changer insofar as being stressed about presenting because now I just bulldoze over everyone else to go first like a feral hog.
#its true though#all my anxiety about presentations got reduced SIGNIFICANTLY once I started fighting to be first#its Good Advice#this actually especially applies to people with unfinished work like#girl you do not want to watch 9 people with complete presentations go and then give your speech#just jump on that grenade early before they've had time to be impressed by anyone#and the fallout wont be NEARLY as bad#and then its over right away#also if youre a smug petty bitch like me#you can absolutely blow the performance out of the water#and bask in the absolutely traumatized expressions of everyone who has to go after you now#if im gonna be the bar im going to set it at the ceiling#sorry#so i guess the next lesson is you have to fight to be before Me and those Like Me#rip
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what the fuck are these gay doctors doing on my screen
WHY ARE THEY DOOMED I CANT
#after they run away wilson does an experimental drug over seas and they move to the same island that thirteen is on to watch out for her#while she goes thru her stuff#they are happy and they open a private practice#house uses a fake name and sometimes people quint and say *hey aren't you that doctor who was in the new for blowing up* and he says#*nah that's my cousin*#they have a dog that house pretends to hate#i hate them so much holy shit#this what the fuck#my gays dads the anxiety riddles cancer having oncologist and the absolute sociopathic lipping fugitive he married#james wilson#gregory house#greg house#hilson#god i hate them#release me!!!#they literally get so fucking gay in the last five episodes of the show it's crazy#like wow are y'all about to kiss?
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I think on this fine Saturday afternoon it's a good opportunity to take a breather and remember that there are really no ethical paparazzi pictures. Every single one is inherently exploitative.
Just because photos were taken on a movie set, when someone is 'working,' does not make the practice any less invasive and creepy. Imagine just going about your day, doing your job and having some weirdo snapping pictures of you to sell without your consent for others to endlessly repost online.
There are thousands of pictures of your favourite actor online already. Plenty taken with his knowledge and consent. I'd really like to see more of them on my dash, rather than the creeper shots.
And don't get me started how disseminating these pictures directly leads to people going to said sets. What starts off as admiring how good someone looks has real world implications.
No, hanging around a movie set and disrupting people doing their jobs is not harmless fun or a way to show your appreciation.
If you hang around a movie set, you are a stalker.
Don't tell me that it's okay to take your online admiration for someone offline. You may admire him but he does not, and will never, personally know you. He will never be your friend/boyfriend/daddy. He is a stranger.
The only way meeting your favourite actor is going to happen is at a convention or maaaaaybe a movie premiere if you're incredibly fortunate. You know, places they appear specifically to meet fans (or not in the case of premieres, where the purpose is to promote a movie. Which is also completely understandable if actors don't stop. You are not owed an interaction).
Of course, you cannot help it if you randomly run into someone you admire in the wild. Even then, consider that they probably won't be all too thrilled to be approached in public by a complete stranger. It's up to you to gauge the situation, but remember there is a person at the heart of all of this.
Boundaries and respect are a kindness which deserves to be extended to each and every human being regardless of their looks/talent/fame/wealth.
Fandoms blur those lines a little too often for my liking and I think just scrutinising what you're interacting with, or what behaviour you could be possibly falling down that slippery slope towards is nice to do every once in a while.
I mean no malice with this post and it is not directed at anyone in particular. It's something I cannot help but feel strongly about because I've seen this destructive cycle time and again in fandoms over the years. It's not healthy and it makes us all a little bit more disconnected from our humanity for it...
#not naming names but....... screw it#pedro pascal#pedro pascal fandom#accepting you will never interact with or meet this man will set you free from misery and jealousy i promise#he's great! if you think he's great watch another movie! write about a character! edit some photos of him! make gifs!#there are many MANY ways to engage with his work which don't include reposting creepy invasive photos taken without his consent#it's bs that this is just 'part of the job' because WHY... why should it be any different than any other job??#i know we always venerate talent and put people on pedestals.... that's a tale as old as time#but seeing him blow up last year was wild to witness and some of the behaviour from newer fans is very disheartening to see#he's just a human who poops and farts and is a dick sometimes like the rest of us. let's not treat him like a god thanks#spud rants#a lot LOL#i've bottled this up for a bit because the way this developed in real time to people actually going to the set is. what#and don't 'if pedro was in your city' because NO??? i wouldn't STALK SOMEONE? there's 0 justification for it#i have far better things to do than stalk people#i may be an autistic flop but i'm not a CREEPY STALKER autistic flop thanks x#anyway like i said this is truly not @ anyone in particular and i don't think you are a terrible person if you interacted with the photos#but please just remember there is a person at the heart of all this#a very talented and attractive person yes... but a person all the same#i would truly hate to be famous it gives me so much anxiety just the thought of the constant scrutiny#good thing i never will be LOL#fandom wank#discourse
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just to make this clear, im not doing much better, but the messages i did get helped a little bit and i plan to answer them too, i just cant do it all at once q-q
#ganondoodles talks#personal#the little bit of it helping got me to talk again at least#though im not sure how much ill talk about oc stuff since its extremely dear to me and generally less intersting to people#which is both a good and a bad thing#bc it doesnt encourage me to do soemthign more active with it#but also i am horribly afraid of the possibility of it blowing up at some point and getting the fandom treatment#like .... i want people to like my original work#but also ........all these characters are like a piece of me and the story has been evolving from toys i played with as a kid#its the old contradiciton again#i want people to know and like them but also dont want it to turn into fandom tm with shipping fights or whatever#its highly unlikely to happen but you know .. anxiety never stops at logic lol
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Do I have assessments due? Yeh. Should I be studying? Probably 😂But like most things this just grabbed hold of my brain and won’t let go so here we are XD
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But on a more serious note I think we’ve all felt this at some point or at least we all will eventually feel this. Esp as you get older and your body starts to fail or for those who ever got diagnosed with a life changing condition.. things just.. get hard when it used to be so easy.Esp if you’re also at that age (eg: teens/early 20s) where it should be your golden years you just.. get so angry. If that’s you then I’m sorry.. that this is happening to you. And I’m sorry that no one save God can take this away, but if nothing else, I hope you know, Anatawa hitorijanai.
#art#digital art#procreate#save rottmnt#unpause rottmnt#rottmnt#healer cj#healer cj au#rottmnt casey jr#rottmnt april#rottmnt april o'neil#In April we Stan#big sis April we Stan#Once again April O’Neil why she is a queen#rip Cj bro got the ptsd with a capital T#he may be full anxiety but he’s also full of rage#so I think he deserved to blow up every once in a while#as a treat#hooray trauma responses said no one ever
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this one is for all the freaky lil eggheads out there - i see you
yes he got a promotion to store manager it’s for Plot Reasons ok
3 solas attempting to start a union + one canon egg
#solas is the store manager now cuz it fits better#and like cassandra she's the REGIONAL manager of the company she's solas' boss#she reports to the CEO Leliana and the CFO Josephine#YES THE FORMER CEO WAS DIVINE JUSTINIA ROLL WITH IT#so anyway Solas he tries to very secret and sneaky unionize his store#and you gotta be secret about it cuz you never know who could be a secret union buster or something#but so anyway he tries and anders is a good ally in this endeavour#but then they get busted!!#and regional manager cassandra starts and Inquisition to find out who was behind the union activities#and sends Inquisitor to the store to Watch Out for union activities#and so anders renews his plan to blow up costco hq#yes that is his plan#he is... lowkey evil#but its fine dont worry he has absolutely crippling anxiety and depression he can barely get his ass to work most days#highly unlikely he'll act in this plan#still...#just watch out#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#dragon age 2#dacostco#dragon age au#noble art#solas dragon age#anders dragon age
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big test day today > <
#im so nervous but i feel p confident !! ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ#either way im stopping at the fav cafe on my way home#either as a reward or to cheer myself up…we’ll see how it goes BUT THIS IS ME !! SPEAKING IT INTO THE UNIVERSE THAT I’LL KILL IT#i have so much anticipation anxiety i even laid out my outfit last night ffbdjdj#i’ll come back later w an update and reply to asks too !! ty for being patient w me :<#i love u blowing u kisses pls wish me luck !!!! <333#maispace
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If I have energy I want to draw out some designs for an au I'm spontaneously writing.
(Medieval times, there's a Prophecy. Nightmare rules over this kingdom and is supposed to complete this prophecy, he refuses to because it would harm the people. Dream was sent away and banished by Night because he was dis-illusioned into thinking the prophecy was a Good Thing abd what he was raised to complete. Night collected his Knights (Killer, Dust, Horror, and Cross most recently) and trains them and tells them the truth of the prophecy. They're loyal to him. One day the magic of the prophesy (Apple Magic) leaves Nightmare unexpectedly, returning him to the state he was in before he accepted the mantle. This puts a target on his back and gives Dream a huge advantage in maybe making a comeback. The Knight's decide that their King (newly a young lad and variably scared and frightened) must be protected and they run the kingdom as he normally would, while also ensuring he survives and that the prophecy can't be completed.)
#yes this is fueled from RealAge AU vibes#and yes I technically have circled back around to my own initial post but like#the visual of these specific guys who've had various hardships in their lives suddenly like... idk... gaining a purpose and a protector in#Nightmare then seeing him reduced to a fraction of what they'd known him as. and still deciding to follow and care for him?#this au gives off distinct Older Brother energy because Night is like... 13-ish and not young enough to#baby but not old enough to resume his duties immediately#and he's got this like... awkward teen anxiety suddenly flooding through him that he doesn't know how to cope with#so the guys turn around and use lessons Night taught them while they adjusted to help him#Night's weak from Magic-loss? well he used to make sure Dust got bed rest and a meal so that's what we'll do!#Night is losing a huge chunk of his autonomy? They found a hobby for Killer so what does Night like?#just... yeah#plus Dream fully believes his bro pushed him out due to greed for power and had gathered forces to rally with him during exile#so he's the returned golden prince#and I imagine here that the final stand involves the knights scattering to stop Dream's forces while Killer stays with Night (<- most loyal)#and Killer hides Night right before Dream shows#and Dream says a bunch of vitriolic stuff about how Night ran and sacrificed his men and such and cuts down Killer with a near fatal blow#and Night finally manages to get out of wherever Killer stashed him and there's a moment where#Dream is seeing his little brother abd Night is seeing the man who lost his rights to be called brother when he attacked his Knights#and like... idk man#also Error is definitely Night's court magician/wizard because he bends reality in ways it really shouldn't#and here Error is younger because. i. I like the idea of an Errormare subplot but also like. the idea of scary spooky Overlord NM looking at#the wizard who just turned a vase inside out who's like 10 and learning he's a runaway and sponsoring him? yeah that's silly.#turns out Apple Night appreciated Error's raw talent. after the fact Night realizes he admires Error. insane tonal whiplash from his Knights#who have Zero protocol for courtships and kinda like. just watch it happen after the chaos is over#Okay that's all. i need to do my homework
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Fuck 4th of July all my homies hate 4th of July
#I very much enjoy getting a mini heart attack every ten seconds by the neighbors blowing off fireworks next door.#Sooooo much fun#Shima speaks#This is Not a good holiday for people with anxiety (me)#Also it’s literally?? Storming outside. And people are STILL doing fireworks#IT’S RAINING! GIRL!! GO INSIDE!!#Just got scared AGAIN I hate it here
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starting off the day with dreams by the cranberries and ending it with i love you, i'm sorry by gracie abrams this is a cateogry 5 'in my head about this crush' situation
#he is changing my lifeeeee this is disgusting i can't think about anything ELSE#i don't know how he feels i am blowing up i need to talk to him about it but i'm. screaming crying throwing up at the prospect#my health anxiety is at an all time low and now there's so much space in my head and he is. filling it up. with his floofy fucking hair#feeling sooooo bisexual rn#ola.txt
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Seto Kaiba is a buzzing anxious bean that needs to be kissed until he calms tf down
#seto kaiba#kaiba seto#headcanon#somebody kiss this man before his anxiety makes him blow up another island#yugioh#yugioh dm#ygo
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See, here's the thing, I have very little to no sensory issues I can think of, very little to no trouble with eye contact, no hyper or under empathy as far as I know, so on and so forth...
...but also my family jokes they thought I was autistic when I was very little because I played so quietly by myself, and in elementary school I told a teacher that I was "just weird", after which she proceeded to insist everyone's a little bit weird and there's nothing different about me, and also I loved the structure of school so so so so so much I had major anxiety episodes in late high school and early college, terrified I was not gonna be able to sustain myself as an adult.
so like. DO YOU SEE THE ISSUE HERE.
#Honestly don't know if I'm blowing up anxiety and introversion issues#or downplaying autistic issues#see I say I have absolutely no sensory issues#but also I live with my headphones 24/7#literally as soon as I get out of bed I put them on for music#and as I was thinking this I thought. 'Wait but I have a friend who is also like that!'#and a second later remembered THAT FRIEND IS FUCKING AUTISTIC.
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take how jumpy leon is in re6 (idle animation) and just make him terrified constantly
someone moves too fast at the store and he's leaping like a cat. do not touch him or talk to him or percieve him.
for personal reasons, he is not there. disbelieve your eyes.
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Being an artist is a blessing and a curse.
#local anxiety riddled adult received multiple mental blows to the soul#more at 11#anyhoot#vent art#quick sketch#sketches#self indulgence#art sona#it me#darksiders#darksiders death#grim reaper#four horsemen of the apocalypse#digital art#my art#fanart#artists on tumblr#look I already know how pathetic I am#give me a break X(
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