#anton’s giving me some emotional support it’s okay

[whumpy-wyrms]

rereading TLLR for like the first time and damn this series is amazing it’s got all my favorite tropes and everything wow the author sure has good taste. wait i wrote this? i wrote this???? that’s so crazy

[wxlfbites]

The Church of Satan

I can only imagine the amount of criticism and hate I'm going to get for this, so I just want to preface this post by saying that in 2015 I considered myself a LaVeyan Satanist for a while. I was a teenager and felt like what I was reading was exactly how I felt, it gave me a sense of justification for the views I had. I am not just some random, misinformed individual who only read anti-satanism propaganda. In fact, I've still actually never read anti-satanism propaganda. My opinions have been formed based exclusively on what I've read on the Church of Satan's own website. These are of course, my own opinions and people are allowed to disagree... I just think it might be something to think about if you're considering becoming a satanist.

THIS WILL BE AN EXTREMELY LONG POST

Firstly, I'm addressing the membership the Church of Satan is now implementing. ~ While the Church of Satan says that you do not need to become a member in order to consider yourself a satanist, it is clear that they encourage you to do so. It has registration and payment based memberships that allow you access to confidential information, rituals, and online chat groups you are otherwise not entitled to. Their website claims these memberships have always been in place, but I do not remember any such kind in 2015. ~ It is their policy that affiliated members are discouraged from exchanging member-exclusive information with non-members. They also express that if you are a non-member of the church, you should not expect members to keep up extended exchanges or promotion of your wares. Further, your membership is subject to rejection and retraction at their discretion and they openly state that when you apply for a membership, they gather information on you to ensure you are someone safe and trustworthy to allow in. ~ Whether or not it is intentional, they use guilt tactics in order to persuade people into becoming members. To quote some of these phrases on their own website: "Those who proudly carry our red cards identifying themselves as members have the strength and dedication to implement the tools traditionally associated with Satan". "Look to your other possessions and expenses (most people spend far more than this on general entertainment) and we’re certain you can do this if it means something to you to become a member." "We’ve discovered that most individuals can muster these funds if membership is something they truly desire." ~ They describe your membership card as a key that you must show and scan to other members to prove your affiliation. They make a few references to the underground secrecy that members may or may not choose to maintain, and so to protect their identities as members, these... calling cards if you will.. are used to discretely confirm ones membership in the Church. ~ They do not tell you where the money for your registration fee goes. In fact, they say: "That is up to the administration. It will be applied to whatever is most required at the time it is received. If you feel the need to know in more detail, then don’t join." Implying you don't have the right to know exactly where your money goes? ~ Their membership application includes inappropriate questions that no organization, religious or otherwise, should ever ask. These include: " Are you satisfied with your sex life? Describe your ideal of a physically attractive sex partner." "How many years would you like to live?" "In what organizations do you hold membership?" "Are you a smoker? If so, to what extent." "Do you drink alcoholic beverages? If so, to what extent? State preferences." " Secondly, how does satanism compare themselves to other religions and philosophies? ~ The Church of Satan declares themselves to be "a formidable threat to those who would halt progress in the name of spirituality and theism of any sort." "We are a group of dynamic individuals who stand forth as the ultimate underground alternative, the “Alien Elite.” ~ They state things like "Our members and officials will not serve as teachers nor as entertainers—we have neither the time nor the inclination.", "It is our policy not to spoon-feed information to students who are too lazy to do research." and "Your schedule is of no importance to us." so it's no surprise that the satanic texts they do not provide in full on their website, including the Satanic Bible, - which is there main text and one they highly encourage you to read - cost money. ~ They believe themselves to be the only form of satanism, stating: "People who believe in some Devilish supernatural being and worship him are Devil-worshippers, not Satanists.", "Anton LaVey was the first to define Satanism as a philosophy, and it is an atheist perspective." and “Theistic Satanism” is an oxymoronic term and thus absurd." ~ Statements like: "we stand in opposition to theist religions and their

inherent hypocrisy.", [regarding the word Shemhamforash] - "So, Satanists use it for traditional blasphemy’s sake.", [regarding someones question about their experiences with demons] - "Satanists do not believe in demons or other supernatural beings, nor do we believe in spells. Seek help from local mental health professionals to assist you to get over these delusions.", "We Satanists are all anthropologists to some degree and can find that not upsetting people who think in such simplistic and erroneous terms of “belief equals goodness and truthfulness” might be worthwhile to smooth the proceedings in which one is involved. Trying to teach them that they are mistaken in such a belief may not be worth one’s efforts." are pretty much self explanatory as to the lack of consideration satanism has for other religions as being true for others.

~ This statement: "Knowing this, if you choose to affiliate with any pseudo-Satanic or anti-Satanic groups, you may well find yourself disaffiliated from the Church of Satan. Forewarned is forearmed." might sound harmless at first glance, but this kind of reminds me of an isolation tactic where cults discourage their followers to read or engage with opposing or differing opinions because it might open their eyes to the truth of things?

Finally, here are some statements that I personally don't find are morally or ethically okay?

~ In terms of kids worrying about their parents approval the Church says: "Satanism teaches that, so long as you live with your parents, you are in “their lair” and must show them respect". Which... is literally the same shit abuse victims hear all the time..... (example "you live in their house, they're your parents and you should love and respect them no matter what")...

~ "There can be no more myth of “equality” for all—it only translates to “mediocrity” and supports the weak at the expense of the strong." is a statement I just .... wish I were making up at this point.

~"The emotional drive to “change the world” is a common stage of early adult development typically beginning around age 16 and lasting until around age 24. Usually, individuals who become aware as to how the world actually functions—rather than being lost in a fantasy wherein they will be some sort of savior figure—come to realize that idealism (such as changing the world) is less important than the principle of getting what you want for yourself.",

Also! Um.. they are fully aware and okay with people who uphold discriminatory political views....

To quote their website regarding politics: "Our members span an amazing political spectrum, which includes but is not limited to: Libertarians, Liberals, Conservatives, Republicans, Democrats, Reform Party members, Independents, Capitalists, Socialists, Communists, Stalinists, Leninists, Trotskyites, Maoists, Zionists, Monarchists, Fascists, Anarchists, and just about anything else you could possibly imagine."

And to justify this, they say: "Members who demand conformity from other members to their particular political fetish are welcomed to depart.”, "For a Satanist to expect, much less demand, consensus on any given issue, beyond basic advocacy of individual liberty within local laws, is an enterprise which is probably as masochistic as it is insane.", "Some naïve idealists seem to think that the Church of Satan as an organization risks irrelevancy if it does not become an advocate of certain political positions—usually their own pet issues which are assumed “must” be shared by other Satanists. This fear is based upon the assumption that the Church of Satan needs to change the world or risk “fading into obscurity.”

Again, all of this information comes directly from the Church of Satan website itself. It it not "propaganda". It comes from their own mouths. You're free to disagree with my interpretation and views of the above. But if you do agree, I'd love to know.

The things above make me uneasy. They give me huge cult vibes and are actually disappointing to read as someone who once considered themselves a satanist. As an omnistic pagan now, I do believe that all religions hold truths within them and can say that there are certain things within satanism I do agree with. But overall, I feel like calling satanism a religion is a stretch and should be joined with caution if it's something you are really interested in. I am only one person, I can't tell anyone what to do. But if you were considering becoming a satanist but hold values and views that the things in this post opposed or were opposite to, then maybe satanism isn't right for you. It's definitely not right for me.

I hope this post was educational at the very least. I hope that it might help people make a decision either way if they were interested in joining the Church.

[five-wow]

I WATCHED 10.22. HERE ARE SOME THOUGHTS UNDER THE CUT. i promise they won’t all be in full caps, but i feel i should also warn you that this was not proofread.

the episode is starting! it has started. the start has started.

lots of flashbacks from 10.21 with VERY dramatic music in the background and it’s very much working on me. EMOTIONS.

oh my gosh we’re now getting a flashback (a new one, not “previously on”) to wo fat and victor hesse planning some evil shit with daiyu mei serving them tea and it is EVEN MORE DRAMATIC than the previously on was. i am IMPRESSED. also maybe laughing a little bit, but in a way where i’m genuinely enjoying the extreme “LOOK, THIS IS BAD” of it, gosh.

fun way to remind us of how it all started, with these two planning anton’s extraction! they get to show us bits and pieces from the pilot while we still get something new.

wo fat: “blood. is blood.” hmmm, the show seems to want us to think he has a point but i’m mostly amused this is coming from the ultimate bad guy because yes, that seems about right. (hashtag you don’t owe people anything just because you’re related to them, shuddup.)

daiyu mei looks all shy and awkward when wo fat asks for her input but i’ve decided that’s an act to keep victor underestimating her.

steve and cole are in a car and fjdkfdjk wait catherine is a super code breaker now? idk, she may have displayed some skills that leaned that way in the past, but now she’s suddenly well-known as one of the best in that field even though that’s not even her field as far as we know? i. i don’t mind catherine getting brought up in conversation but this is such an odd way to do it.

“we were together for a buncha years” hahaha, fandom never really knows how to define the start and end of their relationship and it seems steve doesn’t, either.

“she was the one that got away. what’re you gonna do?” well, look sad and frowny while this guy you barely know throws you a somewhat awkward look because you’re suddenly baring your heart to him, apparently! (for real though, i get that people will be upset at this phrasing and i’m sort of thinking this is a lead in to things i won’t like at the end of the episode and that’s bad but for what it’s worth, i don’t mind this at all! she did slip away from him at a time where he thought they were going somewhere else and he’s talking in past tense now.)

cole is worried he ruined steve’s day by bringing up catherine and that’s sweet, actually! seals emotionally supporting seals.

OOF it is TIME for danny to get ABDUCTED. also: i love that steve immediately drops everything, including the very important super secret difficult to arrange meeting to maybe finally get some insight into this cipher that doris left him, to race to wherever danny is in his car. i feel like alerting hpd (or anyone else in five-0 who might be closer) would be a good idea, but it makes a lot of sense for steve to need to Be There himself.

ohhhhh steve continually nearly crashing his truck while yelling for danny but only hearing gunshots over the line is 👌👌👌. THE ANGST. THE TENSION. very good, very good.

the camaro is BURNING. well that’s one way to smack us in the face with the end of an era, damn.

steve is ALSO BURNING because he obviously tried to get inside the car ahhhh.

fjdkf steve calls tani with instruction about cameras and tani asks if everything is okay because he sounds upset and all he says is “danny’s been taken” and that’s how tani an junior find out, poor dears.

steve, instructing hpd: “we’re looking for detective danny williams. you know who he is, my partner, right? we’re looking for him.” YOU KNOW WHO HE IS. MY PARTNER.

steve is already out of breath from sheer stress and he’s just standing around the tech table with the team, my gosh. (I LOVE THIS.)

danny, bloody and chained up and facing his captor, a woman he already knows is very, very dangerous: [makes a joke about exchanging insurance information because they burned his car] (LOVE HIM TOO.)

OOF though, daiyu mei lets danny know she knows he has two kids and the jokes are over because that’s definitely the line with danny, god.

here’s the scene from the one preview clip i watched! i’m really enjoying daiyu mei, by the way. she’s still a totally bonkers way to bring the threat of wo fat back even after he’s dead, but she is genuinely threatening.

“i have the person you care about most in the world” hello yes i’m still yelling about that one and might not stop soon

daiyu mei telling steve not to make the same mistake he did with his father and “allow a loved one to die” is so mean but so good and narratively pretty darn cool.

we’re not even eleven minutes in and we’re already at “come alone, commander, or your friend dies”. [insert that escalated quickly meme]

steve thinks he has zero options except give in to exactly what daiyu mei wants and it’s very unsteve of him but also fits perfectly with the mindset they’ve maneouvred him into over the past few episodes and with DANNY BEING GONE so i like it. i like that steve is very obviously freaking the fuck out.

never though i would say this, but... steve, you should listen to adam. it’s shocking, especially this season, but he is making an actual good judgment.

steve alone in the elevator on the verge of either a panic attack or breaking down crying and curling up into a ball is A LOT.

steve goes to the meeting alone, gets a location and confirmation that danny is alive and then hands over the cipher, and that’s good but also... i mean, for real, if he had just printed some random symbols on a similar piece of paper (maybe even the same symbols but in a different order!) how on earth would daiyu mei have known?

OH. OHHHH. danny does the badass steve-ish thing where he pulls himself up by his shackles to somehow get himself free, holy fuck, yes man.

IT WORKS. knocked out the guard, got the keys, got a gun - damn son. not only do we get worried out of his mind steve, we ALSO get bamf danny, ahhhh.

AND THEN HE GETS SHOT IN THE SHOULDER, which is where all those promo pictures came from obviously, and also means we’re about to tick off the hurt part of h/c in an even bolder font than we already had.

fdjkfdjkfd steve’s litany of comforting little nonsense lines while he’s dragging danny to the car and getting him into it and NOT GETTING BEHIND THE WHEEL BUT STAYING WITH DANNY IN THE BACK is killing me slowly.

fdjkfd steve hugging danny’s bloody face in his lap oh my god

apparently that wasn’t GOOD ENOUGH YET because then they’re at the hospital and steve tells the doctor’s what’s up and they’re about to roll danny away and danny, half dead and according to steve in and out of consciousness, somehow finds the time to try to grAB AT STEVE’S ARM BLINDLY. steve: “hey, i’m with you buddy, it’s okay.” DEAD. NOT DANNY, ME. I AM VERY DEAD.

the entire team is stressed and worried and just dead quiet, watching danny and steve. ohhhh boy.

oh fuck oh fuck steve is praying and red-eyed and furious and telling god “you wanna take somebody? take me. not him, you take me.” and i have a very big massive weak spot for exactly this.

cole comes to find steve to offer to figure out the cipher thing and steve has a very hard time giving a single flying shit and then HANDS COLE HIS GUN. welllll. just letting go of stuff they never would have normally left and right, here. i was kind of expecting steve’s badge to follow.

tani has a lot of good worried moments and i love that.

danny is out of surgery!!! steve gets to see him!!!

oh GOD we get a sad version of all for one while steve is in danny’s hospital room and grabs danny’s hand and i am. oh. oh. not okay.

STILL ONLY JUST PAST THE HALFWAY POINT OF THE EPISODE.

it’s honestly kind of weird that cole has this much screentime (i know he was supposed to be back for the season 11 that will never happen, but with the way things turned out that’s not very relevant anymore in story), but i mind it less than i thought i would have. i like him, and i’m glad he has quinn with him now, because i always want more of her.

danny wakes up and his slightly loopy conversation with steve has me fjdkfdjkfd. d: [says you’re supposed to be happy when a patient wakes up] s, like he might still be about to cry: “i’m happy.” d: “yeah? yeah, me too.”

steve is hurting and blaming himself for everything (very in character) and danny tells him he’s already annoying and that if he had a dollar for every time steve saved his life he’d have like twenty bucks (also very in character) and i’m glad for that bit of comic relief and they need it, too, but somebody also needs to give steve a good shake until the thought that this is on him leaves his head. if anyone except daiyu mei is responsible here, it’s doris. blame doris, jfc.

danny, after nearly dying and only just waking up in the hospital, while he still has trouble speaking: “put [the call steve is getting] on speaker, would you, i’m bored.” more jokes! but it also makes me go fjdkfdjk because you will not convince me that this is not danny, extremely injured, still trying to take care of steve by distracting him from all the misery they’re in.

fjdkfd OKAY SO. plot stuff: the cipher translates to coordinates that apparently lead to the place where the mcgarretts thought doris was buried. steve says he knows the place because his dad used to take him there and ? because i always thought john sent his kids away pretty soon after doris died so he can’t have had much time to visit her grave a lot with them, but also just, the drama of it, wow, doris. send your son an encrypted message that sends him to your fake grave, why don’t you.

jfkdsjlfksljfds the mcgarretts have a family mausoleum now, apparently, omfg. and there was still a space with doris’s name on it? even though they’ve known for how many years by now that she was still alive oh my gosh

cole is along for the ride to doris’s fake grave and steve keeps dropping these little nuggets from his family history and cole keeps (rightfully!) looking a little confused and/or alarmed, poor guy, hahaha.

daiyu mei is running full tilt and doing some mad parcour shit in a suit and what looks like high heels and there is a whole action scene here with lots of players and constant shooting and some one-on-one fighting, but i am fully distracted by the shoewear.

oh, false alarm, probably! not quite high heels, just something ballarina like with a very tiny heel. that’s better.

fjdkfjdkfd OOF daiyu mei nearly kills steve, steve gets the upper hand, daiyu mei says some things and we’re given another flashback to wo fat and victor hesse and this time also john when he was held hostage, and suddenly we’re told he’s not surprised that doris had a secret son (wo fat) and that he suspected her death was staged.

OH MY GU==fdj

okay so those were typos but i’m LEAVING THEM because “whatever happens next, don’t tell my son. it would be too hard on him.” HELLO JOHN, FUCK YOU JOHN. he wanted??? to keep this secret??? from steve??? and also he doesn’t even acknowledge that he maybe has more than just a son. maybe there is a person called mary out there somewhere? might ring a bell, if you think about it long and hard.

wo fat: “you’re a good man, john mcgarrett.” i really don’t know if we’re supposed to agree with things wo fat says but he’s mostly voicing the opposite of what i feel this episode.

daiyu mei to steve: “you are your father.” oh gosh. oh no.

ahh, here’s a point where cole’s presence really starts to take away from other characters. he shows up to steve and daiyu mei’s confrontation to back steve up, and that obviously should have been any other character that we’ve known for way longer and have way more attachment to (junior! that would have been so good, or maybe lou, who’s also been here for seven years, or tani, who keeps worrying), especially, very very much especially when steve goes “book her, cole”. that’s just confusing, too. so far the cole and steve parallels have been thrown at us and now he’s suddenly in danny’s place.

32 minutes out of 42 and we’re at “one week later” and steve hopping through his garden to get to the beach chairs where danny is sitting. this is good but worrying for how early it comes.

danny says he misses the very nice nurse who brought him jello and steve tells him not to confuse a caregiver for someone who cares and danny goes “yeah? you know jealousy is not uh, pretty on you.” and then they’re both awkwardly quiet for a moment. dear lord.

AND THEN THINGS WENT PEARSHAPED. danny: “you all packed?” my heart is sinking fast. maybe i should just quit here and leave it at danny telling steve jealousy is not pretty on him (which implies other things are pretty on steve - let’s get back to that).

steve to danny, who is talking up hawaii (which is of course very good): “who are you?” i am having FLASHBACKS to junior asking tani that exact same thing just a few episodes ago.

danny seriously questions steve’s decision to just up and leave hawaii a bunch of times and yes, danny, good, grill him. this is a stupid plan.

danny: “you know, it don’t feel like it’s gonna be okay. it feels like- my main dude is leaving me.” HI STEVE. MAYBE DON’T. MAYBE DON’T GO. MAYBE DON’T HURT DANNY.

“you got a phone, right?” we’re seriously at that point. we are. seriously at that point. wow.

steve forces danny to get up to give him the frigging tenderest, dopily smiliest hug and it is so very sweet yet so very wrong.

“I LOVE YOU, MAN.” / “I LOVE YOU TOO.” THEY DID NOT YELL THAT BUT I AM BECAUSE THIS IS ALL I’VE WANTED FOR TWO YEARS and now it’s under these circumstances which ugh BUT I AM STILL HYPED. THEY GOT TO SAY IT AGAIN. GOOD. FUCKING GOOD.

“don’t make me come looking for you” danny says after he sits back down and without another word steve starts walking away and then he stops and looks back and catches danny looking over his shoulder but quickly looking away again and holy fucking damn if this isn’t how stories go when they try to tell us that two characters shouldn’t be parting because they don’t want to. turn around, steve. it’s so easy.

EDDIE. my gosh, ANOTHER blond guy who loves steve to pieces and who steve Should Not Just Leave, wtf.

eddie gets an i love you too and then a kiss and my heart! is having a hard time today!

oh LORD there’s a knock at the door and it’s the whole entire team and lou!!! is making me cry!!! and everyone whispers how much steve means to them at him while they’re hugging him and fjdkfd what. why is he leaving! it’s starting to sound like a worse decision by the second.

i could cry at all of these goodbyes seperately but right now i am also crying at tani immediately hugging noelani when she joins the pile of people who have said goodbye. ohhhh.

EVERYONE IS CRYING. not cool. VERY UNCOOL. also, honestly, i love that danny got to say goodbye seperately and it’s fitting that he just can’t watch steve actually walk out the door but also... he should have been here, gdi. now there’s this huge emotional team moment and he’s absent and it’s weird.

steve boards a plane and sits down and his phone beeps and it’s danny texting him “miss you already” and i cannot believe this is actual canon and had to pause to kind of laugh/gasp for air for a little bit.

and catherine shows up! i’ve been braced for this so i’m not surprised and it’s less bad than i thought in many ways but also. they talk about cath driving danny’s car and steve says they can’t have danny williams driving his own car and if that’s true, then why the hell are you leaving, steve. what are you doing to danny? (also. uh. danny’s car kind of went up in flames? he has a new one already? i. what.)

cath asks if steve is ready and they hold hands and steve turns to look out the plane window and smiles and that’s very suddenly it.

you know what? you know what, for the most part, i absolutely loved this. i was prepared for VERY BAD THINGS and i don’t enjoy steve leaving at the end at all and i have MANY NOTES on how things could have maybe ended even better but i. i am okay with this. i am okay with this! that is honestly more than i thought i would be able to say and i’m just VERY RELIEVED right now.

as for the show ending with steve and cath... that was weird, but... he also held danny’s hand this episode and that was supposedly platonic, and steve and cath did not suddenly have a big romantic kiss or get engaged, so i am choosing to take this as a platonic reunion with a person from steve’s past he still cares about, someone who travels a lot and was in hawaii to break that code and therefore this makes sense. he leaves with cath, and then, in a few weeks’ time, he comes back to danny (the person he cares about most in the world), and canon just, y’know, forgot to mention that little tidbit. it happens.

anyway, i had EMOTIONS and i still need to let all of this sink in and i hope you’re all doing okay after this whirlwind of a thing and ahhhh, it is so very weird that it’s over now. 💖

[galladerocksgamer]

I saw several other blogs passing this around and it looked fun so I decided I’d give it a shot and see if I can’t spread it around to some others to do too!

Pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions!  Don’t look at them first. Then tag some people.

Gravity Falls

BoJack Horseman

My Hero Academia

Trollhunters

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Who is your favorite character in 2?

Wow I’ve never really stopped to consider this one that hard before.  My gut reaction is to say Todd because he is simply wonderful.  But Diane is definitely up there too, she’s a character that I really connected to in ways I didn’t expect.  Princess Carolyn is in the running too, her series-long character arc was one of the most heartbreaking and heartwarming.  I’m not sure I can pick one fave, I just love the development of these three.

Who is your least favorite character in 1? 

Uh geez I’m not sure I really have a LEAST favorite, I can’t think of anyone that I particularly dislike.  I mean sure there are characters that I dislike because they’re jerks, like Filbrick or Preston or (duh) Bill, but in terms of like disliking them as a character?  I’m probably gonna say Priscilla Northwest, she’s as much of a rich jerk as her husband but is a lot less entertaining.  Or maybe Gabe Bensen, he’s the least amusing of Mabel’s various love interests to me.

What is your favorite episode of 4? 

A House Divided.  Just ... no contest, it’s A House Divided.  Haven’t seen much else that just stops my dang heart like the ending of that episode.  It just HURTS OKAY.  In all the best ways.  Jimhunters and Unbecoming are very close seconds.

What is your favorite season of 5? 

Overall I think it’s gotta be Season 3.  There’s a lot that I love in Season 2 especially, but on the whole Season 3 just has so much going for it.  There’s some fantastic character development and new moral issues explored within the Fire Nation itself.  There’s the invasion, Zuko joining the Gaang and having various life-changing adventures, the Boiling Rock, the freaking Ember Island Players, and of course one of the absolute best series finales in television. So yeah, it’s gotta be Season 3.

Who is your favorite couple in 3? 

Tbh I don’t really have that many ships for MHA (probably in the minority on that one).  There’s really only two couples I’m particularly into, and that’s Mirio/Amajiki and Yaoyorozu/Jiro.  Mirio is just so supportive of Amajiki and they’re just cute and GAH they’re fantastic.  And Yaoyorozu and Jiro, I think it was the first movie that got me attached to them, they’re just super cute too.  They’re both just pure adorable pairs, I love them.

What is your favorite episode of 1? 

Once again, no contest, because Not What He Seems is just, like, my favorite episode of literally anything ever.  It’s just SO GOOD.  The culmination of so much story and theory, the animation, the music, the tension of the climax, the ending reveal.  It’s just.  The best.  Gosh.  Weirdmageddon 3 is definitely close, the best finale in animation imo, but just absolutely nothing beats Not What He Seems.

What is your favorite episode of 5? 

Okay now this one is actually tough.  I’m probably gonna say Zuko Alone, it’s just brimming with heartwarming and heartbreaking material, between Zuko’s childhood flashbacks and his touching - and tragic - present story.  The Tales of Ba Sing Se is the other top candidate, of course it has the tearjerker Iroh story that is probably my favorite thing in the whole series, but I also love, well, the whole thing.  The Katara/Toph and Zuko stories are so sweet and pure, the Sokka story is hilarious, and the Momo story is also dang sad.  The Blind Bandit, Sokka’s Master, and The Southern Raiders are also personal favorites.

what is your favorite season of 2? 

I am surprised I have a definitive answer for this because the whole series is so transcendentally great, but I do in fact have an answer, and it is Season 4.  It’s my favorite story arc of the series, with BoJack for once not having a special project to center his life on, still reeling from what happened to Sarah Lynn, and having Hollyhock and Beatrice rather suddenly entering his daily life.  It’s about the closest we ever see to BoJack having some semblance of a family life.  The whole storyline of Hollyhock and Beatrice is just fantastic, and it’s the start of the real meat of Todd and Princess Carolyn’s character arcs too - and ends with the setup for Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter finally breaking their destructive cycle.  Plus it’s got my two favorite episodes of the entire series - The Old Sugarman Place and Stupid Piece of Sh*t.  Also Time’s Arrow is definitely top 10, maybe even top 5.  Also also love Hooray! Todd Episode!  And Thoughts and Prayers.  And Ruthie.  Yeah seriously no contest it is my favorite season.

How long have you watched 1? 

I started watching Gravity Falls really near the beginning.  The first episode I watched was The Inconveniencing, the fifth episode overall, and after that I was immediately intrigued and went back and watched the first four.  After that, I watched the whole series as it went.

How did you become interested in 3? 

I don’t tend to watch a lot of anime, and my experience with shounen before MHA was touch-and-go.  Like I’m a big fan of Fairy Tail and to a lesser extent Dragon Ball but I’m still heavily critical of both and would have a hard time recommending them without a heavy disclaimer.  So it was something I’d considered before but never really took the plunge into watching until, funnily enough, my anime-adverse girlfriend decided to check it out.  She’s significantly less anime-invested than me (well, she used to be at least) but lo and behold, we both wound up obsessed with it.  Color me surprised that this series wasn’t being overhyped and didn’t come with the glaring flaws of every other shounen I’ve watched.  So now this is definitely my big interest of the moment, and I am grateful to have it.

Who is your favorite actor in 4? 

Anton Yelchin, he just brought so much heart and emotion to Jim.  He’s a big part of the reason that Unbecoming just snaps my heart in two, my gosh.  As for comedic delivery, Kelsey Grammer absolutely kills it as Blinky, not that I’d expect any less from him.  He just has so many lines that completely crack me up and that’s largely because of his delightfully hammy delivery.

Which do you prefer: 1, 2, or 5? 

Oh my gosh they are literally my three favorite pieces of media in existence.  But it’s Gravity Falls.  Like I would just roll over and die without any of these three but it’s not debatable, the absolute #1 in my heart is Gravity Falls.

If you could be anyone from 4, who would it be? 

Probably Toby?  I think I’d be good in the “well-meaning dorky disaster-prone best friend” role.

Would a crossover between 3 and 4 work? 

Theoretically, maybe?  Magical troll warriors team up with superheroes to fight a wizard supervillian.  It could happen.

Pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple?

Hmm, not sure I have a good answer to this one.  I’ll just say Manly Dan and Tyler.  It’s not exactly an ODD pick because we see them together quite a few times and honestly they always look like a dang couple, but we never really see what their INTERACTION is like, so it’s kinda difficult to judge exactly how that relationship does/would work.  But I think it’s a nice one to think about.

Overall, which show has the best storyline: 3 or 5?

Oof.  Probably gonna have to say AtLA on this one, if only because MHA isn’t exactly that focused on a super-condensed story at this point?  Its progress tends to come through more world-building and character development than major plot beats, though it certainly has that too.  So yeah I’ll say AtLA.

Which has better theme music: 2 or 4? 

Oh absolutely BoJack, it’s one of my favorite theme songs.

Okay, I’m only gonna actually tag @immaplatypus for this, but if you see this and want to do it then absolutely go right ahead and do it!  I’ve had fun seeing some other people doing these and would love to see even more going forward.

[msjr0119]

What took you so long?

Part 3- Daddy’s garden

Liam had been assassinated, Drake had left Cordonia before this. He had heard from Savannah about his friend- he felt guilty not returning. Someone had blackmailed him to not return, with only his sister knowing the truth. Leo had taken over the throne in place of his brother due to there being no heir....

*CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY*

{Drake x Riley}

Tags: @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @butindeed @bbrandy2002 @bascmve01 @kingliam2019 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs

******

“Hello, Riley.” Liam said sheepishly.

Riley felt like she was in a nightmare. A nightmare that she couldn’t wake up from. Did the last three years even exist? What was even happening?

“Li...” she finally managed to whisper. Accepting that he was here in the flesh. She released herself away from Leo’s embrace. Ambled towards Liam, reaching out for him- her fingers brushed down his body slowly.

“It’s really you. You’re really here.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Cupping her cheek, lifting her chin up to meet his gaze. Leaning in for a kiss, he was moments away from touching her soft skin. Her wet eyes, soon glared with anger- the heat from her body could have potentially burnt him. Pushing him away from her, he could now tell that he had broken her. Raising her hand, she slapped him across the face- the applaudable noise echoed throughout the room. Liam felt his cheek sting - he couldn’t blame her. Leo had already attacked him.

“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? TO US?”

“I had my reasoning Ri, I will do everything in my power to beg for everyone’s forgiveness.”

“You’ve fucked gaining my forgiveness.... I don’t give a shit about me but how could you leave your child? For forcing your brother to take the wrap for you? Don’t even answer me!”

Riley was heartbroken at the same time as being furious. Mainly feeling sadness for Liam Jr- the innocent child in all of this. Turning around she noticed Drake and Leo sadly looking at her, before focusing her gaze on Olivia.

“Liv, please tell me I’m wrong. Did you know?”

“Yes.. he’s been with me at my Duchy. Bastien came to update him all the time about Liam Jr.” The Duchess responded with no sign of empathy- it was as if the situation was normal and common in real life.

“I swear to god if you wasn’t expecting a child I’d rip your fucking head off that perfect body of yours! Is it his?”

Riley’s eyes pleaded with her for an honest answer. Olivia avoided her gaze not answering her question, looking at Liam instead. That was all Riley needed to know. Feeling betrayed, she thought back to when she was in labour with Liam Jr.

“Jesus Riley. Get to the toilet next time. Not very ladylike pissing yourself.” Maxwell said.

Before Riley could respond she screamed in excruciating pain, falling to the floor. Olivia ran over, and saw the colour slowly drain from Riley’s face.

“Her waters broke Maxwell! Get Leo!”

Riley was crawling about the floor, scared, anxious. The time was finally here. Liam wasn’t here. She needed him.

“It’s too early.... Liv... I’m only 37weeks. I can’t lose him.”

“Get up woman, we need to get you to hospital breathe! I’m here to support you.”

Olivia helped Riley up, Leo came storming into the room- with a concern look on his face. Scooping her up in his arms, he led her to the back entrance of the palace- where the SUV waiting to escort them to the hospital privately.

“Ri, just breathe. I’ll come with you.”

“I don’t ... I need Liv or Hana. You don’t want to see my vagina! Soz... arghhh.”

“Fair point. I love you and I love my little nephew who’s just too eager to see us all.”

Riley was in labour for 6hours, Olivia never left her side. Feeling like Riley was breaking her hand- she needed to support her and fight through the lack of pain she was having in comparison to Riley. Throughout the labour, she placed a cold compress on Riley’s head constantly, also rubbed her back. She was the perfect birthing partner, Riley believed.

After one last push, the two women heard the tiny cries. Both their hearts filled with joy.

The midwife placed the baby boy onto Riley’s chest. Skin to skin. She began crying uncontrollably and noticed the Duchess also shed a tear.

“Hey, you. I’ve waited so long to finally meet you. You look so much like your daddy.”

Riley placed a long kiss on the newborn baby. Holding his tiny hands, smelling that newborn scent. She had fallen in love immediately.

“Thank you Liv. You’re the best friend anyone could ask for.”

She pulled her friend in for a hug. Olivia felt guilt rising through her body. Faking a smile to the exhausted women she replied.

“Anytime. Congratulations Riley.”

She stormed towards the door, Leo grabbed her, holding her close- pleading with her not to leave. He felt the exact same feelings, but they needed answers.

“Ri, don’t run. We all need to talk, to gain closure!”

“No, Leo! I’ve heard enough. I’m going to see MY child. My child that Olivia was my birthing partner for. Knowing that Liam was alive all this time. I don’t want to even look at them. Please just let me go.”

*****

Riley ran through the palace, she didn’t know how she had gained this much energy. Knocking on Hana’s door, she immediately raced to Liam Jr. Cradling him in her arms, kissing him tenderly. Hana couldn’t comprehend what had made her friend this emotional.

“Ri?”

“Liam’s alive. Olivia and Bastien knew all this time. Oh and Liam Jr is having a sibling.”

“Are you pregnant? Who with?”

“No not me. Olivia!”

“WHAT?”

Before Riley could respond Hana, flung the door open nearly taking it off it hinges. Sweet little Hana, was furious and now like a different person. She had seen her friend go through all this heartache all for what?

****

Drake and Leo stood in the room scowling at the three other people in the room. Drake was unsure about his relationship with Riley- last night made him feel complete. He had always loved her, but now Liam was alive, would she eventually want Liam back? They have a child together- Drake wasn’t only the third wheel in this relationship, now potentially Olivia and her child was.

“How could you do that to her Li?”

“I didn’t have a choice Drake, he threatened you, he threatened me, he threatened the whole country.”

“So you planned to fake your death? Leaving behind a beautiful fiancée who loved you and a gorgeous intelligent kid? Why Liam?”

“I never intended it to stay a secret this long. I loved Riley and I’ll love my son. I felt a failure. My country was falling apart. Anton threatened to kill me or told me to fake my death- not knowing that I changed the law so Leo could take over. He believed that he would take over the throne. I didn’t want him to hurt Riley or my child.”

“Rather than run why not unite everyone together? Fight him! I stupidly ran but you had more support, more power than I did. I’m just a commoner, I did what was best for my family- you had no excuse. I kept in touch with Savannah at least! Instead you leave your family, force your brother to pick up your shit. And I assume begin another family?”

“I don’t blame you for leaving. I fully understand what predicament you was in. I want to get to know my son.”

Before Drake could respond, Hana barged through the door- not really knowing what she was doing, she stood in front of the former King- perfecting a groin shot at him before punching him. As she pulled her hand back, she shook it as her face grimaced ever so slightly. Leo smirked at her- he never knew this shy sweet woman could throw a punch like that. Grabbing some ice to sooth the pain she must have just consumed- Leo had hoped she hadn’t caused any damage.

“You can get to know him Liam, but a father doesn’t do that to his child! You left him too long. You have a lot of making up to do!”

“I know Lady Hana.”

“And for you Olivia, Riley thought you was her friend. Instead you betray her in so many ways. I’m so disappointed in you.”

Drake pulled Hana in for a hug before taking her out on the balcony for fresh air. Both of them taking deep breathes, they noticed Riley outside holding Liam Jrs hand protectively. She was helping him dribble a football- he shot it into an invisible goal. He looked up to his Mom, with the biggest cheesiest grin before she picked him up celebrating his achievement, ending it with a high five. Hana noticed Drake fixated on Riley.

“Are you okay Drake?”

“Yeah.... She’s a brilliant mom.”

“Damn right she is....she had all of us to support her, but she’s done an incredible job on her own. What happened last night between you two?”

Drake gulped, his hand began to rub his neck. Were they the court gossip now? It didn’t matter. Because Liam being alive would replace that ‘old’ gossip in a flash.

“Er.. we had words. We had sex. I didn’t want to rush things. I felt guilty. I love her Han. I always have. But she made her choice once upon a time picking Liam. She will pick him again. I just wished I could keep control of my feelings to save all this heartache.”

“Drake, she loves you too. Do you really think she’s going to pick that ass? Liam Jr is her priority. He always has been. Look at her now, she hasn’t ran into Liam’s arms knowing he’s still alive. She’s with her son. And I know she will want to talk to you at some point.”

****

“Mommy can we go and see Daddy’s garden?”

Daddy’s garden- the memorial garden that everyone put so much effort into creating a tranquil place - where Riley took her son to remember Liam. The little boy loved this place- Riley now hated the fact that the reasoning behind this garden was all a lie.

“Of course darling. Shall we go to the kitchen first and have a picnic?”

“Can I bring some toys too?”

“Yes, baby.”

Riley and Liam Jr arrived at the garden that was filled with a riot of colour. Carefully placing the picnic blanket on the ground, Liam scattered his toys around the area, whilst Riley pulled out the food out of the wicker basket. She had quickly made some ham sandwiches and had brought some fruit and cucumber sticks. Just spending this time with her son, made her forget about the shitstorm that was slowly brewing.

“Hi daddy, we are having a picnic. Look.”

Yes, daddy look. Now you can physically look. This is hurting me so much. I don’t know how to tell him the truth.

“It’s Spider-Man. And green goblin. Green goblin is a naughty boy. He doesn’t like Spider-Man.”

That sounds familiar Liam Jr- it’s like you are reading our minds. Is Daddy the ‘hero’ Spider-Man and Anton is green goblin? Hero my arse. Which superhero lies and fakes their death? None.

Riley was knocked out of her trance as Liam Jr jumped into her arms- petrified. Wondering what had spooked the little boy- she realised when looked up, rolling her eyes.

“Hey, Casper!” Riley sarcastically snapped at Liam, shortly before seeing all her friends join her in the garden.

Leo decided that they needed to speak, so picked his nephew up, playing hide and seek in the maze with Hana.

“Riley, please. I hate myself, I just want to get to know my son.”

“Oh your son. You actually care about him now?”

“I always cared Riley. I had no option. My biggest regret was leaving you both.”

Liam cupped her cheeks, tears falling down his own cheek.

“Please can I spend some time with him?”

Taking a deep breath- she didn’t want to the be the monster in all of this.

“Liam, I’d never stop you from seeing him. He’s your own fresh and blood.”

“Thank you. I know I don’t deserve this. I’m so grateful.”

Liam walked over to his brother who was now holding Liam Jr, Riley following him- she knew Liam wouldn’t hurt their child but still subconsciously was on edge.

“Hey Liam, how are you buddy?”

Holding tightly onto his uncle, he responded to the stranger- “I’m okay.”

“That’s good then. I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I- I ... I’m ..”

Liam looked at Riley, even though she was ready to actually murder him- she knew what he was attempting to say. Giving him an encouraging smile, he knew it had to come from him.

“Liam, I’m your daddy.”

“Mommy said you sleep with the angels.” Riley sunk her head to the floor, hating that she had now lied to her child unknowingly- she bit her lip waiting for Liam to respond but he was frozen. Realisation that Riley had spoken about him all the time to their son- broke his heart. She didn’t want his son to not know about him- to not forget his legacy.

“Daddy did. But he realised how much he missed you darling. So his sleepover ended and he came back to see you.” Riley interrupted as she grabbed her son, hugging him tightly. This was the hardest thing to say to a child at such a young age.

“I’m sure daddy would like a hug? Can you do that for him baby?”

The toddler nodded, kissing his mom on the cheek before running into Liam’s arms. Liam held his son for the first time, he never wanted to let go- uncontrollably crying he couldn’t contain his emotions. This was his son, and he had missed out on his life so far- he kissed his child on the forehead before Liam Jr dragged him over to play with his toys. Riley was still scrutinising every move Liam made with their son, now he was back - she wondered what his intentions would be. Needing some reassurance, she went to the person who had her back all this time.

“Leo, he’s not going to take him away from me is he?” Riley questioned him, worry in her eyes.

“Ri, I won’t allow him to don’t worry. He doesn’t deserve this- but you’ve been the civil grown up thinking about your child in all of this. You deserve better. Talking about better- Drake’s nipped back to the cabin. He believed you would need some space.”

“Why? Oh... could you arrange a car for me later? To take me there? I’ll let Li have this time with Liam first though.”

“Let me know when you’re ready.”

Riley hugged Leo, tightly. Out of all the people over the years he had been the most supportive- the playboy years had disappeared he had really stepped up to his King duties. Liam interrupted their hug.

“Thank you, so much Riley. For letting me have this time with him. I’m so sorry for how it all turned out. I did love you and a part of me always will- but you know our marriage was only for political reasons.”

“Oh, I know that. You know that. But I still loved you. I’m annoyed that we were so careless and brought an innocent child into this whole mess. But he means the world to me and I wouldn’t change him for the world.”

“That’s something we can agree on. Erm. I was wanting to propose to Liv, now my father has passed. I feel like I need your permission. You don’t have to tell me now.”- he was going to leave her with that bombshell, not expecting her to have an answer straight away.

“I’m not going to stop you Liam. You’re having a child with her even though neither of you have physically admitted it. Just don’t forget about our child- whenever you want to see him you’re welcome to.”

“I don’t deserve you. I never did. Thank you.”

Riley just nodded, how she kept so strong she didn’t know- she just wanted to breakdown in tears. Leo arranged for the car to be ready as soon as possible to get to the homey cabin. Getting in the car with Liam Jr, Bastien drove her to the secluded location- the silence was deadly. As he pulled up -he attempted talking to her, she ignored him. Not intentionally, she just didn’t want to regret all the vermin that could potentially be released. Closing the door, she fake smiled at the man before leaving the drive. Hesitantly, hovering her hand over the door, she didn’t know how Drake would react to seeing her. She didn’t need space- she needed him.

“Brooks? What are you doing here?”

“To mend a heart you didn’t break is part of loving a child you didn’t make.”

[trr-fangirl]

Edge of Hope — II

Pairings: Liam x MC

Warnings: N/A (Fluff and Drama? If that counts?)

Word Count: 1,747

A/N: I am wasting no time with this plot. There is so much to write and so much detail that the plot points are already starting to unravel and will continue to in every chapter from here on out. I hope you all are ready. Enjoy this part and let me know if you want to be added to the tag list.

Important: This is the sequel to the series ‘Remember Me’. Masterlists below.

Remember Me | Masterlist

~

Kimiko held her breath as she waited for him to say— or do something. She didn’t want him to be angry with her for not telling him sooner but she didn’t know how he was going to react, especially with the country’s current situation. She gulped when Aiden slipped his hands out of hers. Her mind began to race before she felt his warm hands being placed on her cheeks. He tilted her head up so that she could look at him straight in his eyes.  

“Are you okay?” 

Her eyes widened slightly before she nodded slowly in his hands, “I-I’m fine. Just a little... scared.” 

Aiden sighed as if he was holding his breath the entire time. For the first time, he didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do because he felt the same way as she did. He was elated at the news of them becoming parents but with the emotional changes she had gone through since they returned from Greece, he knew her feelings were opposite of his own. 

"I will do everything in my power to protect you. You shouldn’t worry." He told her as he pressed a soft kiss on her forehead, wrapping her in the warmth of his body. How could she be so clueless? Aiden loved her and could never be mad at her for any decisions she made. He would be with her through thick and thin— she had to remember that.

She smiled weakly as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I... I know. I might have just needed a reminder." She whispered to him, her eyes slowly closing. Aiden glanced at her and took her hand, watching her slowly doze off. 

Aiden hummed softly to himself as he thought for a moment, “We’ll have to alert the palace staff and security immediately of the pregnancy. But, for the first trimester— would you like to keep it a secret from the public?”

She hummed at him as she thought about his suggestion, “Can we do that? It’ll actually be a lot less stress on me.”

He nodded, “Of course but that’s only if you want to.” He said as she brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. She glanced up at him and nodded as she stifled a yawn.

“You should get some rest. I’ll call a meeting this afternoon and also clear your morning schedule.” Aiden kissed the top of her head before standing up and walking back to the bathroom, resuming his morning routine. Kimiko smiled and climbed back into their bed, snuggled into her pillow and almost instantly fell asleep. 

~ 

After a few hours of much-needed sleep, Kimiko started her morning with an unwanted meeting with Regina in the garden. Thankfully, Aiden would be with her for the entire duration of the meeting. She needed his moral support and his calm and collected demeanor to keep her level-headed during the dreadful meeting. Kimiko walked with her hand in the crock of Aiden’s arm as they crossed the short bridge, she looked down into the water and smiled when she saw all of the fish swimming around aimlessly. 

Aiden chuckled, “You were always fascinated by the exotic fish here.” 

A smile appeared on her lips, “I remember how pretty and colorful they are.” She whispered, her throat still recovering from the numerous episodes of dry heaving. The two continued to cross the bridge and greeted the staff member waiting at the table. Aiden pulled out a chair for Kimiko before taking his own seat next to her. Of course, Regina wasn’t there yet and was taking her time arriving. While the waited, they made their tea and talked to each other like the normal couple they strived to be. 

The peace was soon interrupted by Regina taking her place across from them and ordering the staff member to open the umbrella to keep the sun out of her eyes. Kimiko’s warm and pleasant aura vanished once the woman sat down. 

“Aiden, Kimiko. It’s a pleasure to see you both in good spirits.” The faux smile on her face accompanied by the sweetness in her voice made Kimiko grimace. Aiden greeted his stepmother with the utmost respect while Kimiko pretended like she wasn’t there.

Regina took a sip of her tea, “So, I heard there was an important matter I needed to attend to regarding the two of you. I hope it’s worth my schedule change. I’m also on a tight schedule and don’t have time for nonsense.”

Kimiko gripped Aiden’s hand as she tried not to lash out at the woman. She physically bit her tongue as she looked off at the rose bush behind Regina. That woman always knew just what to say to piss her off.  And it worked every time.

“It actually is, Regina. I’d like to inform you that we are expecting.” Aiden smiled as he glanced at his wife, causing her to smile back.

Regina halted with her teacup in hand and raised an eyebrow at Kimiko, “You’re pregnant?”

The Queen frowned, “Yes, but I’m pretty sure Aiden just said that.”

“Hm... Congratulations.” She said and for once, she sounded genuine. She placed her teacup back onto the table and shifted in her chair, “I should inform you that per the Cordonian tradition, we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other in the next three months.”

“Oh?”

Regina made no attempt to make eye contact with her, “For the first trimester, you will be in the palace most of the time, resting. The staff will be more attentive to your needs and security will check on you more frequently. This is just a precaution to make sure everything goes as it should. The ladies of your court, however, will be with you most of the time.”

Kimiko took a sip of her tea and winced as the warm liquid hit her raw throat, “What do you mean by my court being with me?”

“Aside from being your ladies-in-waiting, they also have the liberty in helping you get ready for the heir. Picking out the colors of the nursery, clothes, and other things that pregnant women prepare for.” Regina said before finishing her tea, “This time is also used for you and me to bond. Once you go back to having full schedules, myself and a lady of your choice will take care of the child in your absence. I assume it’ll most likely be Hana.”

Kimiko frowned when she heard that she and Regina would have to spend time together, “This only for three months, right?” She asked, speaking more to Aiden than Regina. The King nodded his head as he finished his tea. 

“Our ‘bonding’ would normally start immediately but I have some— business to attend to in Krona so I won’t be here for the rest of the week.” She told them before fixing herself and standing, “It was a delight to speak with you both but I must get going and I’m sure you both have a busy schedule.” 

Aiden and Kimiko nodded and stood up as well. After saying their goodbyes, the couple began to wander around the flower garden. Kimiko kept silent as she thought about all of the new information she had just received. She walked aimlessly around the garden before walking over to one of the rose bushes, running her fingers over the petals.

“Everything alright? I apologize for not telling you about that before.” He watched as she sniffed one of the roses then turned her attention to him.

“It’s fine. Though— I didn’t realize how much things would change once I got pregnant. Not looking forward to being confined to the palace or spending time with Regina but I think I’ll enjoy it.” She told him before walking back over to him and taking his hand, “But for right now, I want to sleep.”

Aiden chuckled and intertwined their finger as he walked her back to their room.

~

Lucretia tapped her foot impatiently as she waited in the foyer of Regina’s small estate. She stomped over to the window again and peaked through the blinds, “Where the hell is she?” She muttered as she stomped back over to the chair she was standing next to. Isaac watched the woman as she threw a fit about Regina being late. Isaac kept his mouth closed as she mumbled and cursed to herself, he wasn’t entirely sure if he said something Lucretia would have his head. He kept quiet, not wanting to find out.

When the door open, Lucretia almost fell over her own two feet as she stormed over to Regina, “You better have a good reason for being so damn late!” She snapped as she stared at Regina. The Queen Mother frowned at the woman and pushed past her when she saw Isaac sitting on the nearby ottoman.

“Is Anton here?” She asked bluntly.

The assistant shook his head, “It would be too dangerous for him to come out of hiding without him being recognized. I was sent in his place.”

Regina stared at the man for a moment longer before turning away from him and looking at a fuming Lucretia. “Give us a moment alone, Isaac. You’re welcome to look at the royal antiques in the sitting room.”

The man’s face lit up a bit as he nodded and walked out of the room. Regina walked out of the foyer and into the opposite room from where Isaac was. Lucretia flopped into one of the chairs and crossed her legs, “This better be good, Queenie. I could be having an amazing cup of Lythikos Nog right about now.” She said as she propped her head up on her hand.

Regina smirked, “When have I ever disappointed you with information from the newest monarchs?” She asked but Lucretia continued to look at her with a bored expression. Regina ignored her face and continued with the news, “I had a meeting with those two and they informed me that the girl is with child.”

“Well, that’s isn’t good news! This completely foils our plan now that an heir has been conceived.” Lucretia spat as she ran her fingers over her eyebrows, “How the hell are we going to get the throne now?”

“... There could be a way.” Isaac chimed in, standing at the threshold of the room. Lucretia frowned and rolled her eyes at the boy. She waved a hand dismissively at him, “I thought Regina told you to look at some toys?”

The Queen Mother turned to the boy who was glaring at Lucretia for her comment. “What do you have in mind?” She asked.

“Oh, God. Don’t encourage him...!”

Isaac did a fairly good job of ignoring Lucretia’s rude comments and kept his eye on Regina, “We... We could combine the two plans and work together to take them down.”

Lucretia looked at Isaac without a look of disgust on her face. The corner of her mouth turned up into a subtle smirk, “He might be onto something.”

Edge of Hope tags: @flowerpowell @mfackenthal @speedyoperarascalparty @hhiggs @heatherfilliez @umccall71 @writtenbycandy @blznbaby @mitalijoshi @sleeplessescapades

[emospritelet]

Empty Corridors - Chapter 26

Last time, Lacey sat her SATs and prepared for a street party to open the new small business enterprise she persuaded Gold to invest in.  Here's what happened next.

AO3 link

“I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

Lacey felt like tearing her hair.  The street party to celebrate the opening of the market and warehouse businesses was due to start in an hour, the hog roast wasn’t ready and the sound system had stopped working.

“Why did I ever think I could do this?” she demanded, whirling to face Gold, who was watching her with a tiny grin on his face.  “I must have been insane!  Why didn’t you stop me, for God’s sake?”

“Because I enjoyed watching you do an excellent job,” he replied.  “And because I knew you could do it.  And you have.”

“We have no food and no music!” she snapped.  “I half-expect the beer barrels to explode or something!”

Gold put a hand on her shoulder, and his touch was calming.

“Granny has already said the food will be ready on time,” he said gently.  “The mulled cider is ready to drink, and the beer barrels are fine.  Leroy’s fixing the sound system as we speak.  It will go well, I promise.”

She leaned against his chest with a sigh, smiling as he kissed the top of her head.

“Tiana hasn’t set up yet,” she said then.  “What if it starts and she’s not ready?”

“This thing is scheduled to last three hours,” he said dryly.  “I’m sure it won’t matter if she’s ten minutes late.  From what I remember of her cakes, she’ll sell out long before the party’s over.”

Lacey hesitated, breathing in his scent, her fingers clutching at his shirt.

“What if nobody comes?” she whispered, voicing her secret fear, and Gold chuckled, a low sound that vibrated through his body.

“Everyone will come,” he said.  “It’s not every day this town has a street party, after all.”

“I guess.”

She nuzzled his chest, and a sudden, loud buzz of feedback from the speakers made her yelp in alarm.

“There.”  Gold kissed the top of her head.  “I told you he’d fix it.”

“Okay.”  She began to breathe a little easier.  “God, I’ll be glad when this is over!”

“When it’s over, you’ll be excited and eager to tell me your next grand scheme,” he said.  “And we can have a drink and you can relax.”

“Can’t come soon enough,” she muttered.

Lacey was pleased and relieved to find that Gold was right.  What looked like the entire town descended on the street, eager to eat and drink and dance and peruse the goods on sale.  Tiana did a roaring trade with her baked goods, and Anton’s homemade preserves, chutneys and vegetable quiches sold out quickly.  Granny, Merida and Ruby ladled hot mulled cider into cardboard cups and handed out plastic glasses of beer and bread rolls filled with thick slabs of roasted meat, crispy pork rind and apple sauce.  The crowd grew boisterous as the beer barrels emptied and the tempo of the music quickened, and Lacey found herself being spun around by some of the townsfolk, laughing too much to stress about the party.  Gold watched her from the sidelines, smiling as she passed him, and she felt an odd lurch in her chest every time she met his eyes.  She told herself she was a besotted idiot, but it didn’t help.

The only thing to upset her once the event was underway was her father.  She had kept an eye out for him, wondering if he would attend, but after the party had been going an hour with no sign of him, she told herself he wasn’t going to bother.  She couldn’t work out if she was relieved or disappointed.  Deep down, she knew that a part of her wanted him to see what she could achieve, and wanted him to be proud of her.  Unlikely though that was.  At the same time, of course, she was aware that there was alcohol on offer, and drink made him mean and belligerent.  She tried to put him out of her mind; if he wanted to sit at home while the rest of the townsfolk enjoyed themselves, why should she care?

She had managed not to think about him for a full ten minutes, and was helping Merida serve drinks while Ruby and Granny ran to the diner for fresh supplies.  The music was making her want to dance again, and she tapped her feet, swinging her hips as she handed a beer to Dr Whale.  A shadow fell across her, and she turned to see Moe looking her over and curling his lip.

“So, this is what being Gold’s assistant is?” he asked, his tone snide.  “Seems to me you’re just doing what you always did.  But then I never thought he hired you for your brain.”

Lacey squared her jaw.

“I’m covering for Ruby for ten minutes, okay?”

“Once a waitress, always a waitress, right?”

“Either order something or bugger off,” said Merida sharply, and Moe scowled at her.

“Mind your own business!” he snapped.  “She’s my daughter and it’s me that has to deal with all the rumours!”

“I don’t give a shit about any rumours!” said Lacey, putting her hands on her hips.  “They’re probably all bollocks anyway!”

“Right, because he really wanted an assistant with zero experience who barely graduated high school,” said Moe nastily.  “I’m sure there was no one better qualified.”

“Why don’t you take this beer and choke on it?” asked Merida sweetly, holding up a drink.  Moe ignored her.

“I organised this whole thing!” protested Lacey, throwing up her arms.  “I had the idea and set it up and all Gold did was pay for shit!  That’s what it means to be his assistant!  It means he trusts me to do a good job!  It means - it means he values me!”

“That man never valued anyone in his life beyond what he can get out of them!” said Moe, with a sneer.  “And if you think he trusts you, you’re even stupider than you look.  Trust you to warm his bed, maybe.  Wouldn’t be surprised to find out whatever he makes you do is itemised on your paycheck.”

“You’re disgusting,” she said witheringly.  “I’m not taking any lessons on propriety from a sad old drunk!”

“Better a drunk than a whore.”

“Oh really?” snapped Lacey, fists on hips.  “How about we stop with the snide bloody comments and your gross innuendos, huh?  Because you know what..?”

She turned on her heel and stalked over to where Gold was watching them with narrowed eyes.  Lacey stepped up to him, grabbed the lapels of his coat and tugged him close for a long, passionate kiss.  Gold’s eyes were very wide when she let him go and stepped back, and she nodded decisively and turned back to Moe.  The townsfolk had gone very quiet around them.

“You’re right, I am sleeping with him!” she shouted.  “In fact, I’d go so far as to say we’re actually dating, okay?  He’s not bloody paying me, it’s not a bloody sordid deal, we’re hanging out and having amazing sex, and you can stick your gross opinions right up your fat arse!”

She stalked off, shaking with anger, Merida’s whoop of support following her.  She felt as though she was about to burst.  Moe shouted something after her, no doubt uncomplimentary, but she ignored him, striding away through the stalls.  She was seething with rage, but tears were pricking her eyes as well.  Why did he have to be so awful all the time, and why did she let him get to her?  She stalked up and down, the music from the stage washing over her, and a pair of shining black shoes entered her vision, the gleaming tip of a cane between them.  She raised her eyes to meet Gold’s, her mouth working a little, but he was smiling at her.

“Want me to evict him and run him out of town?” he offered.  “I’m fairly certain I can come up with some reason besides being a terrible father.”

“No,” she sighed.  “Don’t bother.  I should just - I should just ignore him but he’s so vile sometimes.  He’s the only family I’ve got and it - it sucks!”

“He doesn’t deserve you,” said Gold sincerely.  “Don’t let it spoil the evening for you, alright?”

“Could be worse, I guess,” she said gloomily.  “Not sure how, but…”

She shrugged, shifting from foot to foot, and there was silence for a moment.  Gold raised an eyebrow, flexing his fingers on the cane handle.

“So,” he said.  “We’re dating?”

“Uh…”  She chewed her lip.  “Yeah, sorry about that.  I guess - I guess it kind of slipped out because I was so mad.”  Uncertainty gnawed at her.  “Do you mind?”

“I don’t mind at all,” he said, and pursed his lips, nodding slowly.  “I think we’re dating.”

She felt a thump in her chest, her heart swelling.

“Does this mean I can kiss you in public?” he asked then, still with that tiny grin.

“I - guess so.”

“Excellent.”

Gold stepped forward, lifting a hand to cup her cheek, his thumb stroking over her skin, and lowered his mouth to hers, his hair brushing her face, his mouth soft and warm and sweet.  She slid her hands around his waist and up his back over the thick wool of his overcoat, and he gently pulled his lips free, pressing his brow to hers.

“This whole event has been a great success,” he said softly.  “I’m proud of you, Lacey.  You were amazing.”

She felt her lower lip wobble a little, emotions rising up within her, and so she kissed him again, tugging him close as the music surrounded them and the scents of roasted pork and mulled cider drifted on the breeze.

The morning of the twenty-first of December found Lacey waking early, heart thumping as she realised that she would be getting her SAT results.  She was oddly relieved that she had the added pressure of having decided to cook for Gold for his birthday; at least that would take her mind off things.  She threw back the bedclothes, disturbing the kittens, and stroked heads and scratched chins as they gave her tiny mews of greeting.

“Breakfast,” she announced.  “We’ve got a big day ahead.”

She had taken the day off work, with Gold’s agreement, and had arranged to go over to Granny’s once the breakfast rush had died down.  Granny had offered to help her out when she overheard Lacey telling Ruby what she was planning, and she was grateful.  She supposed she could have asked Tiana, but the baking business was still in its infancy, and she suspected Tiana was too busy to help.  At least Granny had a little more time on her hands.

She went to purchase the ingredients she thought she would need, carrying the heavy bags of groceries to the diner just as the clock eased past nine.  Most of the breakfast customers had gone, and Merida was clearing tables.  She called a cheerful greeting, and Lacey grinned at her as she wound around abandoned chairs to head into the kitchens.

“Put everything on there!” said Granny, gesturing at a clean table top.  “We’ll start with the cake.”

“I can’t believe you’re baking Gold a birthday cake,” said Ruby, sidling up and handing her an apron.  “I’ve never seen you bake anything.”

“Yeah, which is why I asked for help,” said Lacey, tying the apron around herself.  “If this is a disaster I’m getting store-bought and you’re both sworn to secrecy, okay?”

“You’ll be fine,” said Granny briskly.  “Let’s start by mixing the butter and sugar.”

Lacey took the large mixing bowl she handed over, setting it on the table, and flexed her shoulders.  She could do this.

Several hours later, she was doubting her own words.  The cake batter had tasted good - she had gotten enough on her face and in her hair to know this - and it was spooned into matching tins to bake.  It came out of the oven looking moist and light, rich with cocoa and scented with vanilla.  She had almost dropped one of the cakes when getting it onto the cooling rack, and had turned the air blue with curses before Granny could calmed her down.  This was achieved by distracting her with the preparation of the other things she intended to cook.  Lacey ground the spices for the roast chicken pieces in a pestle and mortar under Granny’s watchful eye as the cake cooled.

“Okay, now toss your chicken pieces in it,” said Granny.  “Put them in the bag and shake ‘em around, get them covered.  You can leave them in the bag until it’s time to put them in the oven.”

“You wrote down the instructions, right?” said Lacey anxiously.

“I put them in your bag,” said Granny patiently, for the third time.  “Just follow ‘em and you’ll be fine.  This is just a one-pot meal.  Nothing fancy, but it’ll taste good.  Now, let’s look at that cake.”

Half an hour later, Lacey stood looking down at the cake.  Chocolate frosting laced with dark rum coated the top and sides, and the words Happy Birthday in very wobbly writing were scrawled across it in melted white chocolate

“It was nice of that local school of blind kids to come help ice this thing,” she remarked dryly.

“It’s rustic,” said Ruby helpfully.

“It’s a mess, is what it is.”

“It doesn’t look so bad,” said Ruby.  “At least you got the right sentiment.  No spelling mistakes.”

“It looks like I sat on it,” said Lacey gloomily.

Ruby drew a finger around the edge of the bowl of frosting and stuck it in her mouth.

“It tastes good, though,” she said.  “Don’t worry, I’m sure Gold’ll love it.  Just slap some cream on a piece and smear it over his naked chest.  He’ll be too distracted to notice that it looks like roadkill.”

“Ruby!” snapped Granny, and the two girls giggled.

“Well, you two have saved my arse and probably Gold’s stomach,” said Lacey.  “Thanks for the help.  Let me clean this place up and I’ll get out of your hair.”

Ruby helped her carry everything to her place, and Lacey opened the door with the cake in a box under her arm.  She ignored the mailbox, dreading what might be inside it, and Ruby followed her up the stairs to the apartment, setting her box of prepared food on the table.

“Let me know how it goes,” she said.  “If you start panicking and drop the chicken all over the floor, just come over to the diner and I’ll give you a lasagne or something.”

“I’ll be okay,” said Lacey, with a confidence she didn’t feel.  “Give me a good luck hug.”

Ruby grinned and pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her tight.

“Come over tomorrow,” she said.  “I’m getting off work early, we should have a drink.”

“It’s a date.”  Lacey kissed her cheek.

When Ruby had gone, she bent to pick up Hagrid, who was winding around her ankles.  He purred loudly as she rubbed her face against his soft fur.

“Okay then,” she said.  “I guess I’m about as prepared as I can be on the food front.  Time to do the rest.”

She rushed to the mailbox, drawing out the one piece of mail that sat in there.  A single envelope, containing what could be the keys to her future.  Once opened, and the contents read multiple times, she spent the remainder of the afternoon cleaning the apartment and pampering herself, before remembering at five-thirty that she needed to turn on the oven.  Hobbling into the kitchen on her heels, pink foam toe separators holding painted toes apart, she turned dials and swore under her breath.

“Not a good start,” she said to the cats.  “I hope he wants to chill out and have a drink first.”

Gold wasn’t due to come over until six-thirty, and once the polish on her toes had dried she pulled on new underwear and a dark blue dress, winding her hair up on top of her head.  Granny had given her an apron from the diner, and she tied it around herself, pouring herself a glass of white wine from the bottle in the fridge.  She then browned the chicken pieces in a pan before putting them into a dish with the vegetables: cut potatoes, onions and pumpkin, and a bulb of garlic that had been sliced in half, all mixed with olive oil and seasoning.  Chewing her lip, she read Granny’s instructions anxiously, and added half a glass of wine and some herbs to the dish before putting it in the oven.

“Okay,” she said to the kittens, who had been watching her every move.  “Okay, I think I can just leave that now.  You think he’ll like it?  I hope he does.  I hope I don’t bloody send him to hospital or something.”

The buzzer went, making her jerk, and she hissed under her breath, taking another gulp of wine and setting down the glass before trotting to the door.

Gold was waiting on the other side, looking good enough to eat in a red shirt with a tie in a darker shade, and a black suit.  He smiled as she opened the door, looking her up and down.

“Am I early?” he asked, and she glanced down at herself, swearing under her breath before tearing off the apron.

“No, you’re right on time,” she said.  “Unless you want to eat right away, in which case come back in half an hour.”

“I think I’ll chance it,” he said, and stepped inside.  “I brought wine.”

She was going to tell him he shouldn’t have, and that she had wine, but then she remembered that the wine he bought was expensive, and tasted way better than the stuff she could afford, and she’d rather drink his.  So she said nothing.

“Dinner’ll be half an hour or so,” she said, as she led him up the stairs.  “Two courses was stressing me out, so that’s all you’re getting.”

“I’m sure it’ll be enough,” he said, sounding amused.

She let him into the apartment, and the kittens scampered over to have their ears scratched.  Gold picked Minerva up, and she butted her head against his nose, making him grin.

“It smells delicious,” he remarked, and Lacey chewed her lip.

“Well, hopefully it’ll taste okay,” she said.  “I - I made you a cake, too.”

Gold’s eyes widened, and a smile spread across his face.

“You made me a cake?”

“Don’t get excited,” she warned, opening the box to show him.  “It looks like someone punched it.”

He put down the kitten, running his eyes over the cake she had made, and the grin on his face made him look as though he’d been presented with something incredible.

“You made this?” he said, and she shifted uncomfortably.

“Like I said, it’s not exactly the prettiest thing.”

“It’s wonderful,” he said.  “And it smells glorious.  I can’t wait to eat it.”

She wanted to wriggle with pleasure, and set the cake aside to hide her blush.

“Anyway, I didn’t just want to poison you,” she said.  “I did get you an actual present, too.”

Gold watched her trot from the room, heading for the bedroom.  He couldn’t seem to stop grinning.  She had cooked - it smelled like some sort of chicken dish - and she had actually made him a cake.  No one had done that since he had lived with his aunts as a child.  He didn’t care what it tasted like; he was prepared to eat the entire thing if it made her happy.  He glanced up as she hurried back in and handed him a small box, wrapped in shiny black paper and tied with gold ribbon.  Gold took it, pulling open the bow and tearing off the paper to reveal a deep blue velvet box.  He opened it up, and the light glinted off a gold tie pin, its length engraved with a swirling pattern of tiny roses and thorns.

“Do you like it?”  Lacey was watching him anxiously, her eyes as blue as cornflowers.  “It - it kind of reminded me of us.  Nice soft bits and - and prickly bits.”

Gold felt a smile spread across his face.

“Prickly bits indeed,” he remarked.  “It’s beautiful, Lacey.  Almost as beautiful as you.”

She blushed, but looked pleased, and his smile widened.

“Will you put it on me?” he asked.

Her face brightened, and she reached out to take the pin from him as they stood up.  Gold stood still as she slipped the pin across his tie, clipping it in place and sliding her hands over his chest.

“Perfect,” she said, glancing up at him, and he bent his head to kiss her.

Lacey let herself melt into the kiss, her hands sliding up to sink into his hair, his tongue pushing into her mouth.  Her eyes closed, and she concentrated on the feel of his body against hers, the warmth of him, the taste of him in her mouth.  A surge of desire went through her, and she broke the kiss, a little breathless.  A thin strand of saliva bridged the gap of their lips, snapping back against his as they caught their breath, and she met his eyes, staring into their dark depths.

“Happy birthday, Connor,” she whispered.

“This is already the best birthday I’ve had in many years,” he said quietly.  “I’m not sure how it could get better.”

“Well.”  She put her hands on his chest, pushing back out of his arms.  “I - I did have one other thing.”

She went to her bag, rummaging in it for the envelope she had opened earlier, and handed it to him.  Gold took it with a curious look, and then a slanting grin, his eyes gleaming at her.  Long fingers reached inside and drew out the piece of paper that she had read ten times or more, and his eyes scanned it, then scanned it again.  He broke into a broad smile, gold tooth glinting in the light, and she felt herself blush.

“This is wonderful,” he said.  “Lacey, 1480?  I’m so proud of you.”

“I can hardly believe it myself,” she said.  “I had to read it like ten times, just to be sure.”

“Well, this calls for a double celebration,” he said, handing the test score back to her.  “i mentioned wine, didn’t I?”

He opened the wine, and they sat at the kitchen table, Lacey still flushed as she took a glass from him.  The chicken dish was smelling delicious, and she hoped and prayed that it would taste as good as Granny had assured her.  Gold set down the bottle and picked up his glass.

“To the future,” he said, and she clinked her glass against his.

They both drank, and he watched her as he swallowed, his eyes dark and calculating.

“Now,” he said.  “You promised me that you’d think about college.”

Lacey sat back with a sigh.

“I still can’t afford to go, remember?”

“There are scholarships,” he said patiently.  “Why don’t you at least apply, see what happens?”

She shot him a wry look.

“You trying to get rid of me?”

“On the contrary.”  He took another drink.  “I’m hoping you’ll study Business and come back to me to show me what you’ve learned.”

“I - I think I would like that,” she admitted.  “But - but we’ve only just started!  And - and there are so many other things I wanted to do with the warehouse!”

“And you can still do those things,” he said gently, reaching out to take her hand.  “If you went to college, it wouldn’t be until after the summer.  You could come back every holiday and work with me again.”

“You seriously think you could run that website on your own without my help?” she asked sceptically, and he grinned.

“Not at all, but we could find a way around it,” he said.

Lacey pursed her lips, thinking.

“What about getting some of the high school kids to help out for a few weeks at a time?” she suggested.

“That might work,” he admitted.  “If they were carefully vetted, of course.”

“Well, I could do that, no problem,” she said.  “And it would give them some decent work experience, and they might learn that you’re not such a bad guy after all.”

“You take that back,” he said sternly, and she giggled.  Gold straightened up, his grin turning self-satisfied.

“Sounds to me like you’re convinced,” he said, and she gave him a flat look.

“Maybe,” she said.  “Maybe I’ll apply just to shut you up.”

“Oh, there are more pleasant ways you could do that.”

“And we’ll explore some of them later,” she said primly.  “After we eat dinner.”

[bending-sickle]

H’okay, I have a bone to pick with Dexter season 6 (eps. 11-12) which requires more words than previous exclamations of  “wtf” and “zomg”.

Now, this will revolve around incest framed in a real-world setting (and not, say, omg i need thor and loki to get down and dirty or but the delicious angst of sam and dean). 

Background: Dexter was fostered into Debra’s home at age 3 and officially adopted at age 7. Best reddit guess puts Debra at 4 years younger, but they are certainly close in their ages. This means that they have been siblings - and raised as such - for their entire lives.

Now, have some scenes*.

Michelle Ross, therapist: From what I do know about you, you feel things very deeply.  Like your bond with Dexter.  Where do you think that stems from?

Debra Morgan: Maybe because he's the only guy in my life that I haven't dumped, or cheated on, or isn't dead.

Michelle: Is it possible that your feelings for Dexter are the reason that you've chosen men in the past who have been either inappropriate or unavailable?

Debra: Because they're what? Not Dexter? That's insane.

Michelle: Is it?

Debra: He's my brother.

Michelle: Yet you're not biologically related.

Debra: So?

Michelle: It would be understandable, given the past traumas the two of you have shared, for you to develop complex feelings for him.

Debra: Why the fuck are we even talking about this?

Michelle: You mentioned Dexter. He comes up in these sessions a lot. Aren't you curious as to why that is?

Debra: He's a huge part of my life. That's it. End of story.

Michelle: You getting upset?

Debra: Fuck, yes, I'm becoming upset, because you're making it sound like I want to be with him or something.

Michelle: Well, do you?

Debra: Look I love my brother, but I am sure as shit not in love with my brother, if that's what you're getting at. We're done here.

Can I get a big fuck you to the therapist apparently suggesting and encouraging their patient consider an incestual relationship with their sibling? On zero grounds? Because, again, they were raised from toddlerhood as siblings, have always considered each other as siblings, and what the fuck does them not being biologically related have to do with anything. How the frick frack fuck would it be understandable?! For them?! To?! Develop complex feelings?! Incesty feelings?!?

The Westermarck effect, or reverse sexual imprinting, is a hypothetical psychological effect through which people who live in close domestic proximity during the first few years of their lives become desensitized to sexual attraction. This phenomenon was first hypothesized by Finnish anthropologist Edvard Westermarck in his book The History of Human Marriage (1891) as one explanation for the incest taboo. Observations interpreted as evidence for the Westermarck effect have since been made in many places and cultures, including in the Israeli kibbutz system, and the Chinese Shim-pua marriage customs, as well as in biologically-related families.

[...]

When proximity during this critical period does not occur—for example, where a brother and sister are brought up separately, never meeting one another—they may find one another highly sexually attractive when they meet as adults or adolescents, according to the hypothesis of genetic sexual attraction. This supports the theory that the populations exhibiting the Westermarck effect became predominant because of the deleterious effects of inbreeding on those that did not.

There is so much else to unpack here.

First of all, understanding her relationship with her brother was not the reason why Debra went into therapy, nor is it something she laid out as something to deal with. This is the therapist simply going, “Hey, you talk about your brother a lot - maybe you’re secretly in love with him.”

Which, okay, way to completely misunderstand a sibling relationship much?

Also? How fucked up would your patient be if you told them, “hey, it’s not technically incest” and encouraged them to follow this train of thought? When they never showed any inkling of it?  I mean, way to potentially harm their relationship with their sibling and sole remaining family member.  

So cue Debra being all messed up about this, and then having a romantic or sexual dream featuring Dexter, then having so. much. awkwardness with her sibling. 

Then this:

Debra: Dex! I got a report that your boat had washed ashore.

Dexter: I'm OK. I'm OK.

Debra: Kept calling your cell phone, there was no answer. God, you can't keep doing this to me. I've almost lost you twice. I love you.

Dexter: I love you, too.

Debra: You do?

Dexter: Of course I do.

Debra: I don't think you've ever said it before.

Which leads us to this:

Michelle: Debra, we can schedule a time. 

Debra: I told him. I fucking told my brother that I love him, and he said "I love you" back. Not, "Me, too," or something like that. He actually said, "I love you."

Michelle: Wow.

Debra: That's big, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, I don't think he understood that I'm in love with him, but still, he said the actual words for the first time.

Michelle: So what do you think it means?

Debra: I don't know what the fuck it means. That's why I'm here. Is this just horribly wrong? 

Michelle: Does it feel wrong? 

Debra: It makes my whole life every man I've ever loved, make sense. It's like I've always been looking for someone like Dexter or someone who's the opposite of Dexter as a way to avoid the fact that I'm in love with him. That's just clear to me now, and I want it to be clear to him. I want him to understand.

Michelle: OK. You want to tell him how you feel in a way that he can hear you.

Debra: Yes. Is this how it feels to be in control of your emotions?

Michelle: But you can't control his. You don't know how he's going to react.

Debra, darling, love. The words “I love you” are not magical, and can indeed be uttered platonically. As between siblings. Which you two are.

And Does it feel wrong? lady: what the fuck. It’s her brother? Brooothhhhheerrr. Of course it’s doing her head in, biologically related or not,

Also, ahaha, talk about a theory that can’t go wrong: “I've always been looking for someone like Dexter or someone who's the opposite of Dexter”. So, like, that’d include every single possible male. Every human male on the planet would fall in one of those two mutually-exclusive fields and would thus confirm your theory? I just???

And ffs, “You want to tell him how you feel in a way that he can hear you.” Maybe talk to your fucking patient a bit fucking more about all this - how she feels, what kind of fall out she can expect, whether confronting him is a thing she even wants to do...

I’m just agog with the huge mess of terrible therapy right here I can’t even.

eta: As for “inappropriate or unavailable” boyfriends, Brian was a fucking catch. He was totally appropriate and available. (Sure, he also happened to be a serial killer, but she didn’t know that, so her choosing him had nothing to do with him being ~inappropriate or unavailable~.)  I’ll give you Anton the unofficial CI as inappropriate, although that inappropriateness didn’t last.

* Full transcript here.

[ravengrangergirl]

Voltron College Au: Finding Blue

This is part of a series of Voltron college au one shots (see ‘A Magician Never Reveals’ and ‘Sleep...Isn’t For the Weak’). I’ve been working alongside @allorana and @quietdeerfan on the Voltron college au for quite some time. For clarification, in this au, Shiro and Allura are engaged (@allorana’s headcannon), but there are no ships between the rest of the Voltron gang. This is a platonic fic (except Shallura). Please do not tag with other ship tags!  

Shiro turned around when he heard his apartment door open and close. A dripping Lance stood there, his brown hair plastered to his face. For some reason, his customary jacket was in his arms instead of actually on his body, leaving him in only his blue and white shirt, the white of the shirt practically see through.

“Lance! You’re dripping wet, why aren’t you wearing your jacket?” Allura said, half accusing, half laughing.

Lance shot them a rather awkward version of his brilliant grin. “I, uh, was hot and I…wanted to fully experience the rain?”

Which would have been an acceptable reason, with Lance being Lance, except the fact that Lance didn’t sound totally convinced.

“You’re lying,” Pidge and Keith said in unison. Pidge hadn’t bothered to look up from her laptop but Keith was watching Lance, apparently wanting to see if Lance would get into trouble for something from unofficial mom Allura and unofficial dad Shiro.  

The jacket in Lance’s hands started moving around, and was that…meowing coming from it?

Yep, the kid was definitely hiding something.

“Lance…” said Shiro, folding his arms.

Lance wilted a little. He dropped to his knees and unwrapped his jacket to reveal a skinny black and white cat, drenched from the rain.

Everyone jumped or screeched a little.

“LANCE!”

“Why the heck do you have a CAT?”

“Why did you bring it in the apartment? NO PETS.”

Lance pulled the cat into his lap, and hugged it protectively. “Guys, it’s the stray that has been wandering around campus for like a month, and it was sitting out in the rain and he looked so miserable that I just had to rescue him, I mean, how do you say no to these eyes?”

The cat, who seemed rather calm for someone who had just been kidnapped by a crazy college kid and wrapped in a wet jacket, stared at the group with large yellow eyes.

“I could.” said Keith.

“WELL YOU CLEARLY HAVE NO SOUL KEITH.”

“Lance,” Shiro tried to remain calm. “The cat might have an owner. And even if it is a stray, you can’t keep it in an apartment, and especially not MY apartment. The landlord doesn’t even allow fish for pets.” He couldn’t believe he was having this discussion with a twenty one year old man.

“Blue doesn’t HAVE an owner,” Lance insisted. “And even if he did, that person is a SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING if he leaves his cat alone in the RAIN.”

“Wait, Blue?” Shiro asked. “You named it?”

“Why Blue?” Pidge asked, peeking over the couch. “Why not Yellow, or Black, or White even?”

“Blue’s my favorite color.” Lance said simply, petting the cat. “We have to let him stay!”

“Not adopting a cat, Lance.” Shiro said firmly. Allura nodded.

“Well, I’ll just bring Blue to my apar-“

Hunk was violently shaking his head. “No, Lance. Uh uh. You know our contract strictly says no pets allowed, and I am NOT getting thrown out of our apartment for a cat.”

“We’ll hide him!”

“Cleaning checks are TOMORROW, Lance. How would we even hide a cat? No, no, no.”

“Look at how cute he is, you wouldn’t let an innocent cat go out into the rain, would you?” Lance lifted the cat up like he was trying to Raffki it, while giving the most innocent, pleading expression he could with eyes that were the color of the cat’s name.

Hunk looked at the cat, and Shiro could tell that he was starting to weaken, just a little. “The cat is cute…”

“NO.” Shiro said, loudly. “None of you are adopting a cat. And even if your apartment did let you, animals cost a ton of money to take care of, and…for heaven’s sake, you’re a college student, Lance! Why do I even have to explain this?”

Lance cuddled Blue still closer. The cat seemed remarkably tame for a stray, appearing very comfortable in Lance’s arms. He was even beginning to knead his paws into Lance’s shirt.

“You sure it’s a stray?” Pidge asked, adjusting her glasses. “He’s acting remarkably docile for a feral cat.”

“YES.” Lance said defensively. “I asked around to see if anyone knew who Blue belonged to. Everyone I talked to said that they’d seen him just wandering around both day AND night, so he’s not going home to anyone. And look how skinny he is!”

“Look, we can drive Blue out to a shelter.” Allura said reasonably. “That way if he has an owner, the owner can come pick him up. If he doesn’t, well, he’ll have a safe place to stay and might even get adopted.”

Shiro breathed a sigh of relief, immensely grateful to his fiancé for coming up with a practical solution.

“A SHELTER?” Lance practically screeched, momentarily startling the cat in his lap. “No way! What if Blue doesn’t get adopted? They’ll put him to sleep!”

“Lance-“

“I’ll-I’ll claim him as an emotional support animal! Or-pretend to be blind and he’ll be my guide cat!”

“That’s-“

“I’m not letting anything happen to Blue! He trusts me!”

Shiro was torn between wanting to smack Lance upside the head and wanting to give him a hug.

Blue was kneading into Lance’s chest, a deep rumbling purr sounding from him. Apparently the cat had a great liking for Lance. And Lance, for some bizarre reason, had apparently fallen completely in love with this cat.

“You can’t keep a cat, Lance.” Keith insisted.

“I’m not talking to you, cat hater.”

 The next day, two cat dishes, a bag of cat food, a small litter box, and several cat toys were all sitting in Shiro’s apartment. After Hunk, Keith, Pidge and Allura had flat out refused to harbor Blue in any of their apartments, Shiro had eventually agreed to let Blue stay ONE night, but had refused to return to the apartment after his classes that day, saying he wouldn’t return until Blue had a home elsewhere.  

Keith, Lance, Pidge and Matt were the only ones in Shiro and Matt’s apartment. Allura was at her TA job, Hunk was frantically cleaning his and Lance’s apartment for the cleaning check, and Shiro was apparently hiding at the library. 

Lance dangled a toy mouse for Blue, giggling like a six year old as Blue batted at it.

Matt walked back into the living room, holding a cell phone and fidgeting with the large glasses that were identical to Pidge’s. “Another dead end. Mom and Dad say they can’t take him, not to mention Pidge.” Matt shot a look at Pidge.  

“Bruno would eat him alive.” Pidge said, buried in her laptop again.

Lance pulled Blue into his lap, holding him close. Instead of crawling away, the cat stayed in his arms, blinking slowly and appearing to enjoy the attention. The joyous expression slowly disappeared from Lance’s face.“We can’t hide him here forever, and Hunk is going to make me live in the street if I try to bring him to my apartment. Nobody I’ve talked to can take him.”

“Take the cat to the shelter already,” groaned Keith. “They’ll be some family that would love to take it, Lance, it’ll be fine. You can’t keep it.”

“JUST BECAUSE-wait…family...Yes! Maybe there is a way I can keep Blue!”

“What?”

 Lance ignored the question. After carefully lifting Blue off,  he ran to his backpack in the corner, and pulled out his laptop. He sat on the couch, staring at his laptop. “YES! They’re online!”

Lance turned to look at Blue. “Ok Blue, listen to me. This is going to be the performance of your life. Think cute, and adorable, and loving, okay? If this works, you’ve got a home.”

The sound of a Skype dialing call sounded through the room, and Pidge and Matt looked over, intent of listening into the conversation.

“Hello, mihijo! How are you?” Lance’s mom said.

There was a flurry of other voices, some asking in English how school was going, etc., while a few asked presumably the same questions in Spanish. 

(Don’t want to try to write this conversation in Spanish, so the conversation takes place in English) 

“I’m good! Hey, is everyone there! Sweet. I uh, have a question. You guys still coming to visit me in a couple days?”

“Yes, of course!” Lance’s mom said.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Lance’s dad said.

“How would you feel about having someone to take home with you?”

“What do you mean?” Lance’s mom sounded confused.

Lance bent down and picked Blue off the floor, and placed him in his lap. “This is Blue.”

A lot of “Awwws,” sounding rather like Lance’s younger siblings, came from the screen. Lance launched into an explanation. “He’s a stray that wanders around campus, and he’s been really hungry and cold and alone-“

“Lance! For goodness sake! NO!”

“He’s so cute, look!”

As if following Lance’s earlier instructions, Blue laid curled up in his lap, his eyes looking huge, piercing, and very adorable.

“He can be my birthday present, and Christmas present, for the next twenty years of my life! I’ll pay for him to fly home, and for any medical needs he has. I’ll put in some more hours at the store. It should only be for a couple of years, and then I’ll take him when I graduate and get my own place! Please???”

“Lance, we already have-oh my goodness, I thought this would END when you got to college!” Lance’s mom cried out, sounding very exasperated.

‘You’re not winning this time, Lance, we can’t take him.”

Lance moved the cat off his lap, and, standing up, placed the laptop on the couch, turning it to face him. Lance then got to his knees, grabbing Blue and putting his paws together into a pleading gesture. “Please, mama? Please papa? You’ll be saving the life of an innocent kitty! And mine, because otherwise I’ll die of a broken heart! And he’s so tame, he’ll make a wonderful pet!”

“He really is well behaved,” Matt broke in. “Quiet, knows how to use the litter box, and he obviously loves Lance.”

Lance shot a quick grin at Matt, then turned back to his family gathered on screen. “Maria, Anton, you like him, don’t you? Isn’t he cute? Don’t you guys want a gato in the family?”

Once Lance involved the little kids, it was all over. Their begging and pleading matched Lance’s in persistence and adorableness, and eventually the mom and dad had to coincide defeat.

“Okay, Lance. If you pay for half of the cost, including the flight AND medical costs, then we will take him home with us.”

“YES!” Lance fist pumped. “Gracias, madre y padre! Gracias!”

“This is the absolute last time we are doing this, understand? I don’t care if the next thing is an orphan with Disney movie eyes, we are NOT taking it in.”

After many cries of thankfulness from Lance, Lance chatted with his family for a while longer; making plans for when his family visited, making accommodations for Blue for the flight home, and promising his family AND Keith AND Pidge to call the nearest kennel right away for Blue to stay in until his family could take him home. The same promise he would have to swear to both Shiro and Hunk when they came to the apartment.

Halfway through the Skype conversation, Pidge and Matt crowded next to Lance, and even Keith joined in as well.

Blue purred comfortably on Lance’s lap the entire time.

(Note: this was written before the reveal that Lance is the youngest, and I didn’t have the heart to take out the younger sibs.)

[lomlwintersoldier]

The Sun and The Stars {6}

Previous parts:  Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Word count: 3020

Warnings: Mentions of smut, light violence

“Don’t you two have a bed for this?” A voice sinks into the dull haze of your mind. You open your eyes to see Tony Stark in a full suit, standing over you.

“Fucking hell, Tony.” You groan as you scramble to cover yourself. “A little warning next time?”

Bucky wakes up from your movements and instantly pulls you against him to protect you from Tony’s gaze, but Tony, ever the gentleman, has turned his gaze from you and focuses on the view of the city. “I mean I’m all for adventurous sex but at least end up in your own room at the end of it.” “Shut up, Tony.” Bucky laughs as he sits up and pulls on a shirt. “Now where's the fun in that? I totally get the allure though. This view is incredible.” Tony replies as he fixes the buttons on his sleeve.

“Why are you up here?” Bucky asks as he rubs his eyes of sleep.

“Meeting in ten. Mandatory for everyone on the team.” Tony states, giving Bucky a pointed look. “You can come too, Y/N. We could use your skills right now.” “We’ll be down in a minute, Tony.” Bucky says, silently urging him to leave. He was possessive and he hated that you were sitting here stark naked with only a thin blanket covering you; you could tell by the way he was holding you against him and trying to shield you with his own body. Tony laughs and starts to head back to the door but pauses and turns back to look at the two of you with an incredulous look in his eyes. “Really? The fucking roof?” He smirks before disappearing into the stairwell. You laugh and turn back to Bucky, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before grabbing your shirt and panties from the floor. “Come on, back to real life.” You smile as he groans and throws himself back on the blanket. “Do we have to?” He whispers as he pulls you back down against him, practically on top of him as your legs straddle his waist.

“We can’t stay up here forever as much as we want to.” You smile as you lean down to kiss him. “Let’s go.” “Fine.” He sighs and pulls on his own shirt and sweatpants. “We’re coming back later though. I’m not done with you yet.”

Bucky pulls you into a deep kiss that sends a shiver of anticipation down your spine. You smile against his lips as he grips your hips, forcing you against him but you pull away with a gentle caress of his cheek.

“Looking forward to it.” You smirk as you pressing a quick, teasing kiss to his plump lips.

The two of you head down to his room and get dressed in clothes appropriate for a professional meeting with the Avengers and together you head down to one of the conference rooms where they usually met.

All eyes are on you when you walk in; it was safe to say you hadn’t spent much time around anyone except for Wanda and Bucky and maybe Steve so looking into the faces of all of the Avengers intimidated you. Bucky, sensing your discomfort, places a gentle hand on the small of your back and gently leads you to a seat next to Steve who gives you a reassuring smile.

“Nice of you two to join us.” Stark says but he’s not hostile; if anything there’s a look of pride on his face. You flash a coy smile at him. “Well, we were so rudely interrupted, how could we not at this point?” You shoot back, returning his smirk.

“Can we focus on what’s at hand? Please?” Natasha interjects, shooting you an irritated glance. Your relationship with her hadn’t improved and it showed in the hateful way she looked at you. You still had no idea why she hated you but you didn’t care much.

“Yeah. What’s going on?” Bucky turns to Tony. He didn’t like that you were showing attention to Tony so you place a calming hand on his leg. “There’ve been some rumours that HYDRA is reassembling somewhere in Eastern Europe.” Tony says, his gaze going back and forth between you, Bucky, Wanda, and Natasha. The ones most affected by HYDRA. Bucky’s expression doesn’t change but his hand tightens on the chair and his eyes have a certain pain in them that only you seem to notice. Wanda looks visibly upset and Natasha has a look of anger and hostility on her face but you haven’t really seen her as anything but angry and hostile so you don’t take much notice of her emotions. “How do we know this?” Natasha says through her teeth. “HYDRA doesn’t have the ability to hide the way they used to. Our operatives we’re able to track down some well known HYDRA agents coming together in Moscow and then disappearing.” “Do we know who they are?” Wanda asks, concern on her face. “A variety of people, but there are the recognizable ones. Rumlow, Rollins. Then we caught the names Vasiliev, Petrov, Sokolov--”

“What?” You cut him off. “Sokolov?” “Do you know him?” Tony asks, his brow furrowing. Your heart begins to pound as you remember his name and the memories begin to flood your mind, causing you to wince. “Anton Sokolov is the name of my handler, a vicious, vile man that abused me for years simply because he could.” You look down at your hands, already itching to get them wrapped around his neck. “When do we leave?”

“We aren’t. They aren’t a big enough threat.” Tony says, not understanding your persistence.

“Shouldn’t we attack while they aren’t a threat?” Steve interjects as he looks between you and Bucky. “Isn’t it safer to kill the monster before it gathers enough power and strength to kill us?” “We have no idea where they are and we can’t scour all of Eastern Europe to find them--” Rhodes begins but you cut him off. “We have to.” You say harshly. “I need to find him and kill him, and bring him the justice he deserves.”

“Okay, homicidal.” Clint says but he doesn’t mean it cruelly. He’s actually looking at you with real admiration but you ignore the comment, even though you know he supports you. Your mind is racing to think of all the ways you’re going to tear him apart.

“Your personal issues don’t have a place on this team.” Natasha says with hostility. Your eyes narrow when they meet hers. “And what do you know about it, Natasha?” You retort dangerously. “I know that ever since you’ve come here, HYDRAs been popping everywhere, places we’d never expect them to be and we suspect you have something to do with that. So now the question is….are you still working with HYDRA?” Suddenly, rage overtakes you and you’re on your feet, rushing towards her before anyone can even think to stop you. Before you know it, you have her pinned against the wall with your tendrils of silver power, it radiating off you in waves as you hold her against the wall by her throat. “Don’t you dare accuse me of being aligned with HYDRA, Natalia Romanova.” You snarl dangerously. “I have been running from HYDRA for more than five years and I have sworn to kill every last one of them. I am not your enemy but if you continue to treat me like one, I will become your worst goddamn nightmare.” You’re vaguely aware of everyone else yelling at you to drop her but it’s surprisingly easy to ignore them when you put a small barrier up around the two of you. Her green eyes glare into yours dangerously but finally, she flicks her eyes down, the universal sign that she’s complied. You drop her and she falls to the ground, choking and gasping for air. You drop the barrier as well and Bucky is immediately pulling you against him protectively and you understand why. Tony, Rhodes, and Vision are all looking at you like they want to kill you, but you’re not afraid of them.

“What the hell makes you think you can do that?” Tony says dangerously. “You’re here as a guest, as Barnes’s guest which doesn’t help your case at all, and you think you can attack one of the best operatives on my team?”

“I have come here for Bucky and also because I want to help you take down HYDRA.” You shoot back, sizing him up as you approach him. “I am here to offer up my services because we have the same goal and I believe I can get where I want to be quicker with you on my side but I have no issue making enemies with you, Stark. And I don’t think you want me as an enemy.”

With that, you stalk out of the room and you expect Bucky to run after you but he doesn’t and all you can think is that you have to get out of here, to Russia. You have to kill Sokolov.

“What the hell was that, Barnes?” Tony spits at him. “You need to get her under control. Now.” “Natasha was the one that bit first, Tony.” Steve says quietly, shooting Natasha an apologetic glance. “Y/N just reacted.” “We all get angry sometimes.” Tony replies angrily. “But we don't hurt the people on this team.”

“She didn’t even hurt Natasha. Y/N wanted to help us. That's why she came to this damn meeting,” Bucky retorts, glaring at Tony. “She didn't have to offer up her abilities to help us and it's been tough for her because all of you have been treating her like she's the plague, save for Wanda.” “We treat her different because she is, not to mention dangerous. We don't know what she's capable of. And who's side she's really on.” Rhodes says.

“Really? You want to start that argument again after what she just did to Natasha?” Wanda defended, standing to join Bucky.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I'm saying. Your girls temper is way too hot for this team.” Rhodey replies hotly. “She could’ve hurt Nat if she really wanted to.” “Guys, I’m fine.” Natasha says quietly. “She reacted the same way I would have.” Natasha’s sudden confession stops everyone in the room. Her eyes meet Bucky’s and he sees the apology in her eyes but he still feels cross with her for pissing off Y/N the way she did.

“I didn’t trust her because she was with HYDRA and I should have because quite a few of us are victims of HYDRAs torture. We didn’t choose that. It just happened to us, just like it happened to her.” “She still attacked you.” Vision says in his quiet, wise tone. “She did what any of us would’ve done. We’re all prideful little shits; if anyone told us we were fighting for the enemy, we would’ve clocked em too.” Sam replies. Natasha nods in agreement.

“I still don't think we should go to Russia.” Tony says, sitting down and crossing his legs. “We have bigger things to worry about.” “I agree.” Vision says. Rhodes nods as well. “I don't. We should kill HYDRA while they’re weak.” Steve protests. “They haven’t gained their strength in numbers yet.” Bucky sits back as the rest of the team continue to argue but his mind drifts to thoughts of Y/N and as he continues to think about her, rising panic begins to overtake him. He realizes why she ran out so suddenly.

“Shit.” He mutters as he shoves himself out of his chair.

“Bucky?” Steve calls out in confusion but Bucky is out of the room and running to his own. All he can think is that he hopes she hasn't left yet. After what feels like ages, he finally reaches his room to find Y/N frantically throwing clothes and supplies in her backpack; she doesn't even acknowledge that he's in the room and he swallows, knowing how upset she is from the way her silver power is coming off of her in waves; he literally can see it spreading its tendrils all over the room.

“Y/N,” Bucky mutters.  

“I have to go, Bucky. Please don’t try to stop me.” She replies quietly as she continues to rummage through the drawers, looking for something. Her hands are shaking.

“Wait, just wait.” Bucky says frantically, approaching her but she forms a barrier around herself, thick enough that he can't get through. “I know you think this what you need to do to be at peace but just wait for a couple weeks, gain more strength and then we can go after Sokolov. Together.” He pleads softly as she swings the backpack over her shoulder.

“I know where he is now and if I don’t act fast, I’ll lose him again.” She replies shortly. Her coldness sends a shock through him but he persists, reaching out for her again; her barrier thickens and he growls in frustration.

“Bucky, if you touch me now, I know I won't be able to leave.” She whispers as she finally meets his earnest gaze. “Please, just let me go.”

“You'll get yourself killed, zvezda moya.” He yells suddenly. His emotion is enough to break through her barrier and suddenly he's pushing through the silvery mist and his arms are around her, forcing her to feel everything he's feeling that he can't say in words. He pulls her against his chest with a roughness she doesn’t expect from him and holds her tightly to him, unwilling to let her go.

I love you, he thinks desperately, knowing that she can hear everything in everyone’s mind when she's like this.

“I know.” She replies quietly, her voice smaller than he's ever heard it.

You know what will happen to you if you go right now. You know what he can do to you. Don't be stupid. Don't let your emotions get the better of you. Not when it's your life on the line. His thoughts are rapid with fear and concern and he knows she probably didn't get everything he said but he forces his emotions into her consciousness, forcing her to understand why she can't go. He needs her here and he tries with everything he has to ground her back to him as he holds her tightly to his chest.

After what feels like hours, she finally relaxes into him, her power flowing from all over the room and back into her body. The effort of holding it outside of herself for so long overwhelms her and she suddenly slumps against him, exhausted.

“Hey, hey, it's okay.” He murmurs as he picks her up and gently lays her on the bed.

“I'm sorry, solnyshko moyo.” She mutters brokenly as she crawls under the covers.

“It’s okay, beautiful.” Bucky wraps his arms around her, trying to make her feel as safe as possible.

“Please tell Natasha I'm sorry.” She sounds smaller and more afraid than she's ever been and Bucky realizes now just how deep her fear of herself goes. Today is the first time she’s lost control like that in a long time and she’s terrified of what she’s capable of had Bucky not been there to stop her.

Soon, she slips into deep, dreamless sleep and Bucky gently disentangles himself from her and gets up off the bed, careful not to wake her. He presses a soft kiss to her forehead and strokes her hair and goes the training room the way he always did after a long day. It helped to work his feelings out in an effective way but instead he finds Steve hitting a punching bag so hard it flies off the hook and breaks against the wall, sending a wave of dust to erupt all over the floor.  

“Thought Tony said you needed to quit doing that.” Bucky says as he saunters into the room.

“Tony needs to shut the hell up for once in his goddamn life.” Steve growls back as he reaches for another punching back and hooks it up before wailing on it the same way he did with the other one.

“What's up with you?” Bucky asks as he holds the punching bag from the other side to keep it from flying off. “Nothing.” Steve says through his teeth. His gaze keeps trained on the bag as if it’s his worst enemy. Bucky has a feeling that he’s picturing Tony’s face. “Come on, Steve, out with it. What’s wrong?” 

It's a while before he finally speaks but he gives in to Bucky’s persistence.

“I know you want to go to Russia.” He says as he keeps punching. “So do I. So does Wanda. But because Tony doesn’t want to do it for some boneheaded reason, none of us can go and take down HYDRA the way we want to. He snaps his fingers and that’s it. No mission.”

He punches this bag off the hook as well, splitting it on the floor. Bucky picks it up easily with his metal arm and throws it on the pile of broken bags Steve has accumulated over the past couple days. “Damn.” Steve mutters under his breath as he grabs a towel from his bag and wipes the sweat from his forehead. “We just need to wait it out, alright?” Bucky claps his hand on his friends back comfortingly. “I promised Y/N we’d leave in a couple of weeks, with or without Tony’s okay. She wants to take down HYDRA as much as you do so just hold on a bit.”

“You’re sure we can trust her? I defended her in there for you but if she loses control like that again--” “She won’t.” Bucky interrupts, his eyes hardening. He wouldn’t hear a word against Y/N and Steve seems to understand that because he immediately backs down and claps Bucky on the back.

“Good.” Steve smiles kindly. “I’m glad you’ve got her back, pal.” Bucky smiles back at his friend. “She makes me happy.” “I can tell.”

Next Part: Part 7

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