#antiblackness pretty ingrained to our family

[bingobongobonko]

rambler but really good video

[velvetvexations]

Hi! Black Velveteer here to give my thoughts on your question wrt your character casually using the n-word. Now I don't speak for all black people, and this is just my own opinion, so don't take it as fact and others might disagree, but tbt......basically, like, it depends? You definitely need to keep some things in mind when you're writing for that, like situational context, their age and personal background, present company etc. Like there is a strong class and generational divide with AAVE and other black dialects in general that effects that kinda thing.

For example, I know most older black folk and those who consider themselves educated or more upper class don't like or even won't use the n-word at all - not to family or friends, and especially not in "polite" company. You don't stand in God's house talking like that, for example lmao. If your black character was raised like this or by family like this, the chance of them using the n-word even casually is pretty much none. They would get smacked otherwise lmao. Like they miiiight, but def not around any of their folks, and probs only under the influence of close friends who do say it a lot or use it like that. You tend to pick up the verbal ticks of people you love or spend a lot of time around.

Now with younger folk, it can be different. If your character is younger and more influenced by their friends/pop culture, they would be more prone to using the n-word more casually. Using it to look and sound tough or cool - to fit in where older black folk just won't do that. Being raised in a city or in the hood or being part of or from other communities like that where AAVE is more prone to thrive would make them saying the n-word casually more likely. They would still get popped if they talked like that if front of their mommas tho, or at the family dinner table, but around friends it would be cool.

Also code switching. Think of it like putting on and talking off a verbal mask. Like I've been getting at above, you act different around family and friends than you do around your coworkers of teachers. It's the same wrt using the n-word. Mostly unless its posturing or a deeply ingrained verbal habit from how and where you were raised (or a combo of the two), black people aren't gonna talk that way around someone or a group of someones unless we trust you. Non-black folk tend to have negative or uncomfortable reactions to the use of AAVE around them, and especially the n-word. Also we tend to elevate our speech around non-black people (and sometimes even other black people, like in a work or college setting) because we don't want to come across as "uneducated" or stuff like that, both because of stereotyping, and because black dialects are very stigmatized - often even among our own. It's the classism, and maybe even some other internalized stuff - antiblackness, racism.

Personality is also a factor. Like, some people might "escape the hood" and start talking "bougie," but will return home and code switch back to old habits and speech patterns when seeing their friends, including casual use of the n-word. Others might insist on keep talking that way and look down on their old friends for speaking like that still. Again, it's the internalized -isms<3

But yeah. That's not everything, and a probs could have worded some things better or different; but just some things to consider when writing for your black character(s?). And again, I'm only one black girl and I don't speak for us all. Some might say don't do it at all; but I say sure, as long as you do your research, and maybe also consider having a black person beta read your dialogue. Look into AAVE and code switching especially. @/writingwithcolor is a good tumblr blog to look through or ask if you want a second opinion.

Sorry this got so long! Love you Velvet and good luck with your writing! <33

Thank you, anon! I have a Black friend who's offered to betaread but I'd also love more input on the matter so if anyone would like to DM me to do the same I'd love that. More perspectives are always good.

[doberbutts]

I just wanted to say thank you for being so candid about your life and your family, not just on this topic but pretty much everything you write. I feel like people underestimate how deep ingrained the anti-mixed-relationship ideas are to this day. My boyfriend isn’t Black, but he is a recent Mexican immigrant and he’s visibly brown, and people have had some Bad takes for sure. It gets old being asked if our relationship suffers for language barriers or cultural differences. A Cuban acquaintance of mine said I was gonna break my bfs heart bc it was a given that a white American would treat dating loosely (what even?), and my Peruvian roommate was shocked to learn my bf was Mexican bc she’d never met a long-lasting interracial couple (I love her but ???). And i don’t look at those two badly, I think there’s a long history to show that white people with partners of color are amply capable of racist and bigoted behavior (to their s.o. or others), and I can see why they’d be surprised. But I find it boggling that not only my white family but my peers of all stripes are surprised that any differences my partner and I have, we solve with clear communication and setting aside assumptions. Idk I’m just skeptical of ppl that lean into the idea that there’s some indelible and unbridgeable difference (linguistically, culturally, racially) that makes mixed relationships doomed.

Oh, for sure. My family was mixed before I even came into the picture, both my parents are more Native than they are anything else but are either white passing or appear "just" black. So we'd already learned how to do this multi-racial family thing and it was still a problem that my folks got together. More on her side than his but I know my dad got some backhanded comments on his choice in bride.

And the thing is? I understand the distrust of white people. I do. I've seen it myself. My mother tried very hard with us but still had a few comments about our appearances that she wishes now she'd never said (mostly about our hair), and now she's trying to do better with my sisters' kids. I've had white friends not get it. I've had white friends tell me to my face that they don't normally like black people but I'm "different". I've had white friends shocked and appalled that I'm just like "those" black people. I've had people I thought were my friends turn incredibly antiblack during a disagreement between us.

But I think there comes a point where approaching every situation with resentment and distrust works against you. I have white friends. I've had white boyfriends. I have white family. And I hold them accountable, and sure I may no longer go out of my way to attract a white man's attention... but I don't reject his advances either if I think he's cute and has a good head on his shoulders. But I'm also realistic, and anyone who isn't some form of blatantly mixed race is going to need to approach the subject of me in regards to their own social group very carefully. I've been enough people's first black friend/relationship/whatever to know how this story goes.