#anti onion

[unicornery]

This post made by anti-onion gang

[ayeforscotland]

The Onion’s journalism is the only journalism that matters. Holy fuck.

[noandpickles]

I think all these Glass Onion posts that are like "the Mona Lisa is painted on wood and that looked like canvas burning, so the Louvre must've loaned him a fake! They didn't actually burn the Mona Lisa!" are experiencing the same emotional gut reaction as the other characters in the film. It's hard to believe anyone would actually burn the Mona Lisa, and it's hard to believe that any filmmaker would make their protagonist do it. But she fucking did. And she was right to. That's the whole point of the scene. Yes, it would make the movie more easily digestible and less radical if that was a fake, which is I think why so many people try so hard to believe it was. But it wasn't. They burned the Mona Lisa and it was awesome.

[januscorner]

The Onion Supports Palestine

[softwaring]

[delicatebluebirdruins]

image id: picture of JKR from the the Onion with text reading

“would you tell us about a time you were personally victimised by a trans person?“ JKR: “yes I remember like it was yesterday, you see, I was advocating for their total annihilation and then a few of them said some mean words to me on the internet“ end id

the onion is choosing violence and I am here for it *few hours later*

I read the article here and my god fucking hell the sound I made reading this bit was not human

“Do you feel at all guilty to have disappointed some fans with your views?”

J.K. Rowling: “Hell no. Look, I wrote those books for kids 20 years ago. If you’re still into that shit, you’re a fuckin’ loser.”

in conclusion this tweet puts it best

image id: twitter screen shot from anna phylaxis reading “god I hope JK is vain enough to sue the Onion, I want to see that legal battle as badly as the Onion clearly also wants to see it“/ tweet two “her litigiousness, her obvious willingness to launch a lawsuit she would so clearly lose, makes her such an irresistible target for satire“

[a-frog-in-a-bog]

[feminist-space]

"After spending the past three decades of his life being totally unable and unwilling to engage in any meaningful way with the world around him, James Parker, a local guy who sucks at being a person, told reporters Thursday that he saw huge potential in AI. “While it’s still in its early phase, artificial intelligence will one day accomplish things that humans could have never even dreamed of doing,” said Parker, who, by all accounts, has never stretched himself to do something he found difficult; has never created anything truly original; and, deep down, has absolutely zero understanding of what makes things good, enjoyable, or rewarding.

“Just yesterday, I asked an AI program to write an entire sci-fi novel for me, and [as someone who will die an empty shell of a man who wasted his life doing nothing for the world and, perhaps, should never have been born] I was super impressed. Soon, humans won’t need to do anything at all! Awesome.” At press time, Parker added that as someone whose contributions to society would almost certainly be measured cumulatively as a net loss, he also saw great potential in the future of the metaverse."

[victusinveritas]

[multidimensional-trashcan]

the onion should hire me

[bisexualseraphim]

The Onion have eviscerated JKR yet again and it gets funnier and more creative as it progresses

[animentality]

[ingek73]

‘COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Following a series of transphobic comments by the Harry Potter author, the nation’s top evangelical leaders announced Monday that J.K. Rowling had finally become bigoted enough to make it okay for kids to read about witchcraft. “While I always appreciated Ms. Rowling making the greedy banker goblins a thinly veiled stand-in for the Jews, it is only with her assertions that trans women aren’t women that I’ve finally come around to allowing children to read her books,” said evangelist and Focus on the Family president Jim Daly, explaining that while he still did not approve of the satanic imagery embedded throughout the Harry Potter series, Rowling’s consistent dehumanization of people who are different from her had prompted him to reconsider. “I understand that her tacitly justifying slavery though the depictions of house elves was meant as an olive branch, but now, with her steadfast commitment to demonizing trans people, she has finally won us over. And look, I’m not thrilled about the idea of my children potentially learning spells, but I’m willing to overlook that considering one of the only Asian characters in the entire franchise is named Cho Chang.” At press time, Harry Potter received a full-throated endorsement from evangelicals for introducing an entirely new set of bigoted slurs to explain half-magic and non-magic people.’

[torturedbitchesdepartment]

guys i am going wild

[nando161mando]