#answer why i'm not in plays or choirs anymore?

[yallemagne]

My family who hates me: "Why won't you sing anymore? I'm disappointed in you for not doing this thing you did for yourself for my entertainment."

Me, spending an ungodly number of hours programming Saros and Solaria to sing my favourite songs from high school choir: "heheheheheheh"

[iloveinej]

𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤

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Theodore Nott x reader

Catagory: Angst, fluff

Warnings: Mentions of wounds and blood. Booth of them are complete dumbasses. Reader is a tiny bit sensitive, but rightfully so.

Summary: Theodore is lonelier than ever, especially after receiving the dark mark. So he tries to find peace in new things. Like Choirs.

Words: 7.2 k

OBS! I gave reader a last name. Oak, but her first name is still your own but just so everyone knows

A/N: Uh, it's long. I don't know if I love it or hate it, but I'm also really tired so I don't have the energy to think. But also, what writers like what they write? So here you go.

(I'm not religious, but god seriously has his favorites)

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His room couldn't contain the warmth that it used to hold during the summer. The fire from his fireplace couldn't keep up with the autumn's chill breezes and cold rains. The heat easily simmered out through the cracks of the old windows, leaving Theodore with stale fingers and cold toes.

On a normal day, he might've complained. When he was younger, he used to despise the cold, always missing the summer rays during the quiet winter. But now? He wasn't sure that he disliked it anymore. The chill air became the only thing that understood the echoing emptiness in his chest.

"I'm joining the Choir." He said absentmindedly. A quick decision he took during the dark hours layered itself with pity and sadness.

"That's rash. I thought you hated Choirs." Blaise mumbled from his seat on the carpeted floor.

Theodore shifted in his soft duvets." I don't hate them, I just don't understand the point of it."

Blaze's face scrunched in confusion and he looked away from his book to watch the other young man mindlessly play with the corners of his sheets." Then why are you joining one?"

Theodore only sighed. He didn't intend to answer Blaise. He wouldn't understand. Blaise had yet to receive the itching curse on his wrist and therefore hadn't been tied to bad things for the rest of his life. Or perhaps, Theodore had become selfish during the quiet days of his suffering.

"Well, I don't care if join or not, but maybe keep it quiet from Draco... and the others." Theodore hummed absentmindedly. If Malfoy would ever find out about Theodore joining something so 'muggly' as a choir, he would stuff Theo in a box and send him straight to the doorstep of Voldermort.

"I know."

Blaize looked at Theodore for any reaction but turned his attention to the book in his lap when Theo only continued to stare at the ceiling.

"Have you packed? We're leaving in two days." He easily rerouted the conversation.

--

The smell of food made Theodore sick to his stomach. Before he left, he hoped that his appetite would return when the warm food that the elves of Hogwarts made entered his nostrils, but his hopes were all in despair.

Classes had been going on for six days and focusing had already been proven to be a task.

Professor Flitwick stopped him in the corridor the earlier day to speak to him about the request for joining his 'Frog choir', as it was called. Professor Flitwick had thought that it was a mere prank. So Theodore stood in the corridor for 10 minutes explaining to the professor that he didn't pull a prank on him.

And now, he sat by the lunch table, idly waiting for the clock to tick to its designated hour. The choir lesson. He had been asked by Blaise at the beginning of the lunch if he were alright, and he had lied with a clump of nerves stuck in his throat.

He wished to believe his nerves only existed to tease him. But his nerves seemed to be right, for it seemed that wherever he went, eyes followed him. Whether it was Draco, who always appeared to be in the same room as Theodore. Or Professor Snape, that read over his shoulder whenever they had positions class.

Theodore shook his head, a small pain making its way into his head. He stood up, and curious glances was thrown his way.

"Why haven't you eaten? You always eat?" Lorenzo asked with his arms tied behind his head. Only for a second, Theodore stiffen.

"Must've eaten something bad yesterday." He barely mumbled before quietly gliding out of the grand Hall.

--

Her eyes shot up from her note page when the door slammed open. The murmur carried throughout the dark and dusty classroom came to halt, and (Name) eyed Theodore Nott suspiciously when he strode into the room. Professor Flitwick tapped his wand against the podium he stood by, effectively gaining everyone's attention again.

"Oh!" Professor Flitwick exclaimed when he saw the tall boy standing by the entrance. "I seem to have forgotten to inform you. This term, Mr. Nott here will join us."

She didn't feel good about a new person joining the choir. Especially not him. The boys from Slytherin had never been nice, and in her luck, she hadn't been the object of their harassment. Which is probably something that she should thank Harry Potter for. But didn't mean that she was entirely safe from their harassment.

If he decided she were to be his next target, it made sense. Not many people knew about her. The students didn't blink an eye when she walked by, and the teachers barely knew her name.

She never believed herself to be quiet or shy. But the lack of attention she received left her believing that she needed to be more interesting to speak to for them to enjoy her company. They thought she didn't want to go with them, so they excluded her from their plans.

It made her think, maybe being interesting didn't belong in her nature.

"Have you ever been in a choir before Mr. Nott?" The professor asked.

He timidly shook his head, and briefly wondered where his old, confident self went. "No Professor."

Professor Flitwick gave him a nod before taking a glance over his small class.

"Well then, grab your notes from the table, and then Miss Oak will help you."

Theodore looked around after this 'Miss Oak', and he believed the young lady looking at Professor Flitwick with eyes popping out of her skull would be the girl that the Professor inquired about.

The old paper felt scratchy in his hand when he grabbed the note-filled sheets, and his body heavily trudged to stand by Miss Oak. She didn't say anything, nor did she look at him when he placed himself beside her.

She tried to not pay attention to the boy on her side, but it became a problem since he radiated off his body heat by how close he stood. Perhaps, she should have offered him her help with the notes. But after a while, it seemed he figured it out and she relaxed at the thought of not needing to interact with him.

The lesson came to an end and she wasted no time packing her things so she could catch the Professor before he turned to the next class to teach.

The rest of the students filed out quickly, and to her luck, the professor didn't.

"Professor Flitwick?" She asked.

He turned around and smiled. "Yes dear, what can I help you with?" He answered, before once again turning back to collect the remaining papers.

"I was wondering if you maybe could have someone else help Mr. Nott with his notes." She stood tall and spoke calmly when the professor turned his full attention to the girl. But inside her, a turmoil of emotion rolled around, making her dizzy and anxious.

"Why is that?" She swallowed when his calculated gaze met hers and tried her best not to tear eye contact.

"Well, because I'm afraid that helping him might disturb the focus on my studies." A small humorous scoff sounded through the room, and Professor Flitwick continued to track down the classroom with (name) hot on his tail.

"I must say that I believe that you are wrong." He started, and (name)'s eyebrows scurried together." I think that you need to socialize yourself, to meet new people. Mr. Nott is a kind young man, who I think will get along great with you."

A sigh of descent escaped her, and she trudged out of the classroom in defeat, beginning the lonely track toward her next class. Which unfortunately for her would be divination.

--

Theodore is an utterly and completely helpless man. He'd met the girl once, one smell, one touch, and he dared never stop thinking about her. The realization had almost knocked him off his chair, for wherever he went, his brain lost control over his eyes and they began to wander, searching after the girl.

For the next Choir class, he made sure to be late again, only so that he could guarantee a second of attention from her. Flitwick had come to warn him about bad habits, but why care? Theodore didn't know. For her eyes flickered to his, and only for a second, the mark on his arm didn't burn his skin.

He slowly walked towards his self-chosen place by her side and didn't let his eyes leave her once. She radiated with caution and apprehension, but Theodore didn't incline to stop staring. At least not until she showed signs of being even mildly uncomfortable.

Her eyes scanned the notes of the Christmas Carol more than she could count as an attempt to not give in to his staring. Because even though she felt tempted to stare at his angel-like face, a fear still presented itself in the back of her mind.

She winced as the floorboards creaked at her nervous shuffle, and once again, felt herself becoming the attention of Theodore's eyes. He opened his mouth, and she made herself ready for anything that could leave his mouth.

"Oh, buggers. I seemed to have forgotten my papers." (Name) watched carefully when the professor rummages through his bag, hoping that his papers are there so he doesn't leave the classroom, risking that someone with dark hair and brown eyes will start a conversation with her.

But to her downfall, Professor Flitwick quickly announced that he would be back soon, and no one had the time to blink before he walked away.

She swallowed the anxious lump in her throat and took a breath through her nose.

"Nervous?" He asked, fully aware that she had been shuffling around and taking unnecessarily deep breaths ever since he situated himself on her side.

"No." She answered, too fast for her liking, before quickly focusing on her paper again.

Theodore wanted to sigh in disappointment when she wasn't up for a conversation, and at the same time felt a stream of pettiness run through his fingertips.

He clenched his pale fist in frustration and looked away. A gust of air passed his lips in a desperate attempt to not let his hopes sink. To be so obsessed with a person in such a so short time felt strange. So strange he started to suspect that a love potion had been involved. But the way she shut herself away from him, he supposed that it would be strange for her to pour a love potion into his drink.

Professor Flitwick's footsteps were loud before he came in sight, and Theodore cursed his chance when it faded into nothing.

But on the other hand, it could turn out to be for the best. He knew that the capability of making a fool out of himself lingered.

Professor seemed to have noticed the shift of emotions on Theodore's face.

"Are you alright, Mr. Nott, you seem to be a bit pale over there?" He wanted to laugh at the coincidence.

"I'm alright, Professor." He answered politely, gently clearing his throat as he tried to brush off the awkwardness of the professor's notice.

But oh to be held, he took notice of a small, inconvenient, soft laugh. His head snapped towards her when he heard who it came from, and she quickly covered it up with a cough and a small apology.

He scoffed quietly, and she pursed her lips as he looked away.

"Everyone ready?" Professor Flitwick asked, and a chorus of positive answers echoed in the hall. And with four flicks of his wand, the choir let their voices out. At first, Theodore believed that no one in this room had sung in a choir. The different voices jumbled together, but it seemed that after just a countable second, the different voices blended into an angel melody.

He could hear her voice perfectly, and he never wanted to have no one else singing in his ear, quite literally. And he let himself bask in the warmth of her tone until a crack reaches the surface. He cringe at the miss of a note in (Name)'s voice, and she did the same.

Theodore struggled to cover up the small chuckles that escaped his mouth, and he blushed in shame to be laughing at her. She didn't seem to mind or hear him. Her face bore a confused scowl, making a wrinkle appear between her eyebrows. Suddenly he felt himself wanting to reach out, to smooth the area out with his thumb. But it would've been ridiculous if he did, possibly ruining all his chances with her in the world.

The harmonious tune took an end, and a murmur broke out, asking each other for the right notes and laughing at each other's wrongs. Theodore listened in curiosity as she hummed the same part over and over again, still getting the same note wrong even though she tries.

"It's an f-sharp, not f." He instructed, and she paused. Patiently waiting for her answer, Theodore hummed the tune for her, showing the correct way. Before the tune ended, he looked towards her to make sure that she was listening, and met her eyes. Theodore felt his heart drum against his sensitive ribs when she watched him with idle eyes.

When it once again took to an end, Theodore masked his madness with raised eyebrows and a look in his eyes, that asked her if she understood.

The eye contact broke as she looked away.

"I knew that, I'd just forgotten." She explained, and the left corner of his mouth rose.

"Sure you did." Sarcasm dripped from his voice, and he feared he'd taken it too far, for he didn't know her limits, how much she would be able to take nor how sensitive she might be.

But his fear easily melted away when he saw the slightest twitch of her lips.

--

For the first time in a long time, she left the classroom with a content look on her face. The conversation that appeared, is something that she had missed happening. Like an old conversation with the rain.

And she almost wished that her next Choir lesson would be today so that she had someone to talk to again. But it was albeit a bit intimidating. She is afraid that if she spoke too much, or shares too many feelings, he would get bored of talking with her. And she wouldn't have a potential friend anymore.

She sighed at her overcalculating thoughts and decided that she would keep basking in his attention as long as it would last.

Until her Transfiguration class with professor McGonagall the next day. Usually, she was fully aware of where everyone was so she could sit alone and not risk getting a desk friend. As said, except for today. Maybe it was to blame on the bad night's sleep, but she hadn't given a second thought about where she sat down.

And once again, Theodore stormed into the class, ten minutes late. He didn't apologize for being late, instead, he took the closest empty seat he could find and sat down.

(Name) could feel the looks from the rest of the Slytherins when Theodore sat beside her and she straightened her spine and directed her eyes forwards again, not wanting to pay attention to them.

"Fashionably late, as usual, Mr. Nott?" McGonagall questioned, amusement in her tone, but stone-set face.

"Sorry, Professor." He mumbled, and McGonagall nodded, intending to start the lesson again.

Theodore could feel the burning gazes of his friends as he opened up his book. At first, he didn't intend to give the bloodsuckers their craved attention, because he knew what it would an about, and he was also well aware of who he was sitting next to.

But he could hear Blaise whispering his name, and he still didn't want to seem rude, so he turned in his chair, and was met by the eyes of his Slytherin classmates. Draco raised an eyebrow at him, before nodding his head towards (Name).

Theodore knew exactly what he enclined and shrugged. His friends didn't need to know everything, and he didn't need to be around them every minute of the day.

A warm feeling, but strange occupied her chest when Theodore turned back, a half smile on his pink lips and relaxed eyes looking upon her.

And she wanted to beat the butterflies in her stomach with a stick.

During the lesson, there were not many words exchanged between them, and at first, it was a maladroit pressure on (Name)s chest to say something or to make him, anything of the sort. But she realized quite soon that she didn't need to speak, for it was both comforting and nice to have him sitting beside her, carefree of what was around him as he wrote on his parchments.

She hoped and prayed to merlin that it would stay like this and that it wasn't just a fortunate stroke of serendipity.

--

Something changed with him. She could both see and feel it, and never had she doubted her senses when she felt as if something was wrong.

In their choir lesson, he acted differently against his usual sarcastic but nice persona, which would help her if she was wrong, or speak to her about professor Flitwick's ridiculous beard.

But today he acted strange, only chuckling at her when she did wrong, and when helping her, he sounded up stuck.

He was almost being competitive.

And it was onerous, and burdensome to have such an enthralling person seeing you as a competition. Especially when she was aware that he was more sharp-minded, wittier, and more ambitious than she could ever wish to be.

So therefore she tried to ignore it, playing it off as if had a bed day instead so that she could protect her feelings.

But it only continued and got worse too.

She was slouching in a chair, wand in hand as she tried the same spell over and over again, but the pair of dice weren't even close to becoming chocolate pralines with passion fruit filling. Theodore had gotten it multiple times and embarrassment was beginning to crawl over her cheeks in the form of warmth.

She flicks her wand once more, and when she finally thinks that she has succeeded, she is disappointed to only see a small patch of melted chocolate. A deflected sigh left her lips, and her body slouched even more in her seat.

A chuckle rang out from the side of her, and she bit the inside of her cheek in anticipation of what he was going to say.

"It's going well I see." He remarked, and (Name) felt her ears getting hot from his sudden attention.

"No, obviously not." She mumbled.

"What am I doing wrong?" The question wasn't directed to anyone in particular, but Theodore answered it anyway.

"That, you have to figure out yourself Oak." He scoffed, moving out of his wooden seat and gently picking the pralines up to place them in his palm.

"Because, unlike others, I do have pralines instead of..." he looked quizzically, but in amusement at the chocolate mush on her table. "... that."

(Name)'s face scrunched as she listened to his almost berating words that were thrown, and was about to say something but he had already started walking up to McGonagall with his paper and sweets. She took a long, calculating glance at them, and then nodded, permitting him to leave the classroom.

And he did just so, collecting his books and taking a last glance at the frustrated witch before making his way.

It left (Name) in hassle. The way that Theodore's behavior changed so quickly, and so out of context. But perhaps she's the one to blame. The hope in her heart maybe made her think that he was the nicest out of them all, that he wanted to be her friend. Perhaps -one day- to be even more. She realized that it is her younger self talking through, the child that didn't wish for anything but true love.

She decided that it was a naive thought, and hastily closed her book before walking away from the class.

The next time it happened, it was during choir. (Name) did try her best to stay civil and rational, but how could she do that when Theodore was somehow effectively getting on her last nerves? And she was usually a calm, down-to-earth person.

"What do you mean I'm doing it wrong, I sing it exactly like everyone else." She argued exasperated as she glared at monstrous holes in the side of Theodore's head. She found it strange that he could get on her nerves so easily, even if his presence were able to make her knees weak.

"You're not singing it like like everyone else, sweety." The nickname threw her off immediately, and she felt ashamed as she spluttered out excuses and arguments against it, trying to act as repulsive as possible.

"Mr. Nott and Ms. Oak, interested in sharing your conversation with the class." Professor Flitwick interrupted, and both Theodore and (Name) realized that the room was almost completely quiet, and cringed in embarrassment.

"Sorry, Professor. But I just have a question." Theodore started, holding one of his fingers in the air as he threw a side glance towards the girl on his side, who was watching him with a curiously raised eyebrow.

"But could you just tell me how this part goes one more time?" He asked, with patronize dripping from his voice like sweet, sticky honey.

The sour face that Flitwick carried quickly morphed into a lighter one.

"Why of course." His older voice rang out the words perfectly, and (Name) shrank into herself as the realization hit her that she did indeed sing wrong. Shame crept up on her from behind, and it was humbling when it came to her that Theodore, who had only been participating for two weeks, already seemed to be more intelligent and cunning than her.

"I won." (Name) didn't look at him, didn't say anything back as a strange, unknown emotion buried itself in her mind. She couldn't decide if it was jealousy, or if she was being hurt by his actions. It didn't make sense for her as to why he would need to be so right, and to mortify her like that, just to illustrate a point. Or maybe she was just being sensitive.

But right now, she didn't believe that he ever wanted to be her friend. That this was just an act to maybe relieve himself of stress, to have someone that he could compete against, knowing that he would win. It could also have something to do with power, that he felt out of control and needed something that he could manipulate. It would make sense, she supposed. (But did it though. Why would he pick her of all people to mess with? She hadn't done anything to him.)

As every single afternoon after choir, she trudged towards her house, lining up for the common rooms, more specifically, the comfort and consoling of her bed.

When she entered, it was pleasing to find that it was only one person present in the dormitory, and she hopefully could rest peacefully during the entire evening and night, and for once wake up with a good night's sleep and possibly a better mood.

Though she would be missing dinner, sacrifices were made and if it would guarantee sleep, she felt confident in taking that risk.

And with the last thought that maybe, she would just have to ignore Theodore if he continued with his confusing advances. Even if it meant that he wouldn't become her friend. And she fell asleep. A deep, undisturbed, peaceful sleep.

The next morning, she felt as fresh as the morning dew on her favorite flower. Nothing could ruin her mood was the famous words, but she truly felt it today. The day began with Magic of the Dark Arts, which she sure wasn't the brightest when it came to that class. But after that, she would practice quidditch, and then she would be able to find a dark corner in the library and bury her nose in a book, possibly one about the magical creatures of the north. It sounded interesting enough. (And who would she be to say no to new information and facts?)

--

As usual, dark arts sucked all the energy out of her eyes and brain but were lucky enough when the energy returned after the intense quidditch practice. The shower she took softened her stiff and sore limbs, and the grime and dirt watched down the drain slowly as she massaged her body with her flower-scented soap bar. It was almost a luxurious feeling.

Her robes had also been washed, which ended up with her smelling like a spring field and newly washed linen. It was something that oddly enough boosted her confidence.

The corridors were fairly empty as she began her quite a long walk towards the library. It was nice, the only thing echoing in the corridors bring the whining wind that carried new crystalizing snowflakes to the ground.

She turned corner after corner, walking by the great hall and resuming towards the moving stairs. But as she turned a corner, she stopped. Not voluntarily, but her body seemed to have control over her mind.

Lit by the flames of the corridor, was Theodore, sitting on the dusty stone floor and leaning against the wall with one of his legs stretched out before him, and the other bent towards his stomach. He didn't see her, for his head rested against the knee of his bent leg, and one of his arms clutched the side of his stomach. Almost as if he felt pain. She stood awkwardly and silently, waiting for him to notice her.

It went against what she promised yesterday night, that she wouldn't interact with, nor acknowledge his actuality. But her promises seemed to become empty every time they circled the Brunett.

So she gently cleared her throat and that seemed to do it for Theodore's head snapped towards her, his face showing that he became startled. But that wasn't the only thing that his face showed.

(Name)'s brows gently furrowed as she scanned his face. His left eye was bruised, along with his sharp cheekbone, and blood continued to drip from his nose, messily running down his lips and over his jaw.

"My my, what do we have here?" The surprised face that he carried slowly turned into a teasing smirk, but she found it easy to look past his confidence to know that it was all a mask, a trick to not let her see him in a state of weakness.

"By Merlin's beard, who did this to you?" she knelt by him to get a closer look at his face.

Theodore hoped that it didn't show, but his face had begun to heat up as her big, concerned eyes stretched over his face.

His heart beat faster, and his own brown eyes got stuck on her face, more exactly on her lips. He didn't want to stare, he didn't want to make it obvious but he had no power over his brain at all.

"Malfoy and Crabe. Maybe Goyle too. Don't remember." He said, shaking his head as he smiled with tired eyes. It was a wonder that he was still sitting up, especially after the hard kick that Crabe had delivered to his stomach.

"Why would they beat you? I thought you were friends?" She questioned, staring intently at a particular wound by his eye that looked like it surely needed medical attention sooner or later.

"I wouldn't say friends, merely acquaintances." He chuckled lightly before he shifted and turned serious." And they were saying impolite things, about someone-someone that I-" He stopped himself and pursed his lips." someone that I guess I care for." He forced that part out as if he had trouble saying it out loud. It probably contributed to the vulnerability, and it had probably torn on his ego to get beaten.

And that's why (Name) didn't ask any more questions. She wasn't usually someone to care about someone's ego, but she didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

She pursed her lips and stretched her legs which created an obnoxious sound in her knees before she stretched her hand towards him.

"What?" He asked skeptically.

"If you want, I can help with your wounds and the swelling." Theodore still looked doubtful, so she sighed and lightly rolled her eyes at his mistrust. "Don't worry, my mother used to work as a doctor back in a muggle hospital and has taught me much, so you can trust me."

Theodore seemed to relax at that and slowly grabbed her hand with a steady grip. It was an odd feeling, to have his hand in hers. It felt different than she thought it would. Instead of the cold, rough skin that she expected, it became a surprise when a warm hand with soft skin latched onto hers instead.

With a strong arm, she pulled Theodore up to his feet and she could hear a small groan leave him as he used his power and might to get up.

His face twisted in pain for a second and (Name) stretched her arm forwards when he almost fell against the wall again. Bit Theodore seemed to collect his strength with a big breath before standing straight, wincing slightly as his probably bruised ribcage stretched.

He must've felt her nervous gaze because he looked down at her with a reassuring face and said "I'm alright."

They began to track down the corridors.

They choose to walk to Theodore's room instead of (Name)'s, since he had a single room all by himself, and also because the girls wouldn't be too fond of finding Theodore in the girl's dormitory. They slowly descended the marble stairs that led to the dungeons, both of them walking much slower than before because of the pain in Theodore's stomach.

"Are you sure that we shouldn't go to madame Pomfrey instead?" (Name) asked for the third time as she heard the heavy breathing that came from Theodore, but he once again shook his head in denial.

"I'm fine, promise." He tried to persuade her, but she didn't feel fooled.

"No, I don't believe that you're fine." She argued and stopped in the middle of the stairs in protest of his hardheadedness. And when he noticed that she wasn't by his side, he stopped too and leaned against the wooden stair railing

"Please." His face showed only pleading, and the foreign display of emotion made her desire to fall to her knees for him right then and there, to take him in her arms and baby him for the rest of his life. It scared her to know that the smallest display of weakness that Theodore showed could manipulate her into doing anything. But it would be inevitable to avoid him because of such a -what she thought was- unimportant cause.

"Alright, but at least let me help you walk." She requested almost timidly, afraid that he would protest. But to her delight he nodded, so she walked to him and took his arm over her shoulder before circling her own around his slim waist, and then with all her power, she took a part of his weight onto her shoulders before they began to move, slowly limping to the edge of the old stairs before they walked down the dark dungeon to the entrance of the Slytherin house.

When they stopped in front of the dark wooden door, (Name) turned to look at Theodore for him to understand that she couldn't say the password since she didn't know it.

His cheeks pinked as he realized and he cleared his throat. "Pureblood." She would be flattered by the fact that he dared to say it loud in front of her, apparently trusting her with the password, if it weren't for the fact that her face scrunched in dislike at the password. She didn't say anything about it.

Theodore seemed to gather strength and nearly pulled her with him as he tried to cross the common room as fast as he could, like his injuries suddenly didn't hurt anymore.

(Name) wanted to stop and gape at the Slytherin common room. The first thing that stood out was the large windows on the opposite side, which allowed a view into the depths of the dark lake that you couldn't get anywhere else. There were also small desks placed against the walls and two round tables on the stone floor. And in the middle two black leathered couches took place in front of a hefty fireplace in the wall. By the thought of walls, (Name) turned her eyes up, and there she saw the stone decorations that had been carved into fetching eye-catching glamors.

Theodore pulled harsher at her arm when she slowed down, and she grumbled as he stressed her towards a high-roof corridor, that had another big window by the end that was framed by long green curtains. She believed it to be strange since the corridor wasn't parted into girls or boys as it was in hers. And there were also arguably more than two doors on the walls.

She counted every door they walked past, and ended up with the number 16 when they stopped between the last pair of doors. The door they were facing had two familiar letters engraved on them. T.N, and had been filled in with silver which she believed fitted him well.

Her free hand grabbed the handle and twisted, opening the door into his dark room. Then she stumbled inside. Her body had become tired from carrying Theodore the length of the stairs and corridors, so she walked towards his made bed and gently sat him down before closing the door. And then rolled her shoulders to leverage the pain.

She tried to look around for some kind of lighter or anything that she could use to gain sight. But it turned out to not be needed when all the candles lit up by the flick of Theodore's hand. And also a small fireplace in the corner that cast a warm hue over the room.

"Medical kit is in the top drawer." Theodore's voice was pained, and it made her hurry to the place he pointed so she could get working on his wounds. It was scary to have him sitting there in pain, labored breathing and his expression tight as he attempted not to show his discomfort. A particularly loud groan made her turn around from the desk where the medical things lay.

Theodore was now leaning against the wall with his eyes closed and teeth clenched. And she wondered how he persuaded her into keeping him away from Madame Pomfrey. She also regretted offering her help to heal him in the first place, since the injuries now seemed to be beyond her expertise. His face showed nothing but discomfort and (Name) started to feel nervous. Her medical skills were good but by how Theodore looked at the moment, she seriously started to doubt her skills.

But she didn't say anything and took a cotton pad soaked in anti-bacterial and plasters to cover the wounds with.

When she stood by the edge of the bed she concluded that she would not be able to reach him when he leaned back as he did, and gently poked at his arm to gain his attention." I can't reach you, you need to sit up."

He hummed lowly, (Name) almost missing the sound before he slowly dragged himself to the edge of the bed, his legs dangling off the side.

She didn't hesitate then and positioned herself between his legs before slowly cleaning both around in the open cuts on his temple and lip that she discovered after wiping away the blood that dripped from his nose.

The position they were in made (Name) almost dizzy with nerves, and she longed to get closer. But it was only longing and she didn't dare to do anything about it and therefore stayed at an arm's length. The new feelings made her weak. Made her feel vulnerable, and that too was scary. Extremely scary.

He suddenly hissed as she slipped with her hands. It didn't take a second before an unusual amount of guilt in her chest.

"I'm sorry, I lost focus."

He nodded. A way of showing that it is okay. But his jaw still clenched when she proceeded with the plasters.

"I need to look at your stomach too." There was quiet as she stood in front of him, waiting for him to raise his shirt. But he didn't seem to be compliant. "I only need to check for anything broken."

He seemed to let down his guard when she added the reason, and her body warmed in shame when she understood that Theodore thought she wanted to see his bare skin.

Also because Theodore had started to lift his shirt, revealing his bare skin to her. She felt almost flattered that he trusted her enough to undress like this. But she knew he didn't have much of a choice.

"Lay down please." He once again did as she said, and slowly leaned into his bed, stretching his upper body when his back hit the mattress. It was quiet in the room, the only thing that you could hear being Theodore's uneven breathing and (Name)'s airy gasp when her eyes landed on his bruised ribs.

"By Merlin, what did they do to you?" she asked him while she took a closer look. The left side of his ribcage had been beaten to the point where the bruises turned yellow and green instead of blue and purple.

"What? What is it?" he moved his hand toward the bruises, trying to feel after the thing that had gotten her stunned but she quickly grabbed his wrist so that he wouldn't cause himself any unnecessary pain. Especially not when she had already made him feel enough pain for the rest of her life.

She swallowed and rested Theodore's hand by his side. He stared at her tensely as she brought her hand up, letting it float over his ribcage. This time, his entire body unknowingly tensed as he waited for the pain that would come when she laid her hand on him. But she never did. Instead, she closed her eyes.

Warmth flowed in waves from the palm of her hand and Theodore's body began to slowly un-tense.

Theodore would trust her with his own worthless life if it came to it, and it wasn't why he felt so on edge. To have her fingers, her flesh so close to his own given his heart something to work for and his brain something to think of. And if he weren't in such agony, he would've begged her to touch him. To lay her warm palm upon his beaten skin, to kiss it, to caress it.

His pathetic thoughts were happily interrupted as the pads of her finger accidentally made contact with his sternum, and a delighted shiver crawled its way over his body.

"Sorry." She apologized, thinking that she had caused him pain.

"It didn't hurt." She looked at him with an unbelieving frown, a frown that made his tongue twist when he tried to stutter an answer.

"Or it does hurt, but your touch... doesn't hurt." She barely heard the last part. Barely, but she still did. Her body heat skyrocketed, and she bit the inside of her cheek to hide her flustered expression, and also to stop the dancing butterflies that made their way up her throat.

He didn't know what came over him at that moment, but a sudden urge to tell her everything limped its way into his mind. It was a long time since he felt this vulnerable and was okay with it. An old memory of him as a child in his mother's arms flashed before his eyes, but he quickly locked it away once more.

But he bit his tongue.

He was sure that she thought he looked pathetic. Here he lay, half-naked, beaten bloodied with tears in his eyes and a frown on his face. He didn't know if he enjoyed the thought or not, because while he enjoyed being vulnerable for you, he still didn't want you to think he was weak because of the touch of the woman he had been obsessing over.

"You must care for this person, hm?" She awkwardly laughed as she smoothly changed the subject. She didn't want to know who he fought for, nor why he did it. But it started getting harder and harder for her to keep to the promise she made herself. To keep him at a distance. Both physically and emotionally.

Theodore didn't have time to answer, both because he was overthrown by the complete change of conversation, but also because she spoke again before he even opened his mouth.

"Who is it anyway. I honestly didn't know you could care about someone that much." She joked harmlessly, but the comment made his mouth feel like paper.

"You."

She stopped her magic, fingers retracting into her palm and her head snapped up to meet his eyes, to see if he lied. But she saw only honesty. No side smirk, no crinkle by his eyes, no pursing lips as a way to hide a mischievous smile.

His eyes were peering at her through his lashes, innocent, brown eyes.

"What- What do you mean?"She carefully asked, knowing exactly what he meant. But she needed confirmation.

"It was you who they spoke ill about." He murmured, staring into the abyss of her eyes. Her body burned like it was on fire because of the nerves that he created within her. And she wanted to look away so that she could catch her breath but she deemed it impossible.

A glaze was cast over his eyes, a glaze containing something akin to admiration.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" The question slipped before she could think about stopping it.

Once more, he didn't say anything. But she could feel how he moved. His arm slowly encircled her and the other hand, he raised to her cheek. His fingers danced along her cheekbone, spreading a fire on her skin that she didn't know to be possible until now.

But the moment changed, as did the energy in the room as he carefully leaned closer with big, hopeful eyes. She stood frozen, one part not believing what was about to happen and the other knowing that if she valued herself, she would have to remove herself right now.

Before he took the next step, she pulled her face away.

Deep in her gut, there was a sour scorching feeling that began to spread like poisoning, killing all happiness that was present before and taking the form of angry tears in her eyes. It was unfair, how he could treat her however he liked, be as awful as he wished. And still have her here, sitting in his sheets and bandaging him with gentle hands.

It was unfair.

"You are so contradicting Theodore." Tears were stuck in her voice and she quickly raised from the bed. She didn't want him to see that she was hurting.

"What?" There was a pang in her heart. He sounded small, like a wounded animal.

"You are mean Theodore." She started, turning around to look at him." At first, you treated me like an equal, like a friend. Until you didn't."

He couldn't meet her eyes anymore, regret eating its way from his heart to his skin. She sniffled and cleared her throat when it became harder to keep her tears at bay.

"I thought that I'd done something to make you hate me, and I was sure you did. But then you kept insisting to sit by me, or to be around me and I couldn't understand." Her voice became small, and her tears became uncontrollable. The embarrassment of sobbing in front of him made her stomach churn, and all she wanted was to shrink into herself. She wanted him to laugh at her, to mock her so that she could get over it and move on.

But that wasn't what Theodore wanted at all. He made her feel hated by him when all he wanted was to be loved by her. And he now felt adamant to change that.

However, it's hard when he slowly crumbles as her tears continue to fall.

"I'm sorry."

And he needs to go to her. So he raises himself off the soft bed and limps toward her. But before he gets too close she turns her back on him, hiding from his fierce gaze. He sighed, saddened by her shyness, the one that had worked hard to get through, only to mess it up either way.

She wrapped her arms around herself and bowed her head to the floor when her sobbing turned into hulking and gasps for air. That was when she felt something different. Theodore had enclosed his hands on her upper arms from behind, giving them gentle caresses with his thumbs. And once more, the caresses spread the wildfire. Her body warmed and her breathing calmed as if the comfort worked.

She didn't know why she doubted that his comfort would work in the first place. Maybe because she wanted to think that he wasn't anything special to her. That love didn't do any difference when it came to a person. But he was, and it did.

Suddenly, before she could blink he turned her around and gently tugged her into his bare chest, enclosing his arms around her in an embrace. The hug didn't last long, but it didn't have to because it brought comfort either way. When he pulled away his hands immediately reached for her cheeks.

When his hands cup both sides of her face, she flinches back. But she doesn't get anywhere for his grip is unmoving. His thumb suddenly touched the space between her eyebrows and began slowly stroking the space, evening out the frown on her face.

She swallows hard. "It was never my intention to make you feel this way." He sighed. A deep heartfelt sigh." I just wanted your attention. And your laughs and your love. But my so thought to be efficacious methods didn't seem to be as efficacious as I believed them to be."

A humorous chuckle rumbles through his chest when a tiny, watery smile tugs at the corner of her lips. And then (Name) feels the aftermath of her sobbing catching up to her body, and a headache grows in her skull. And that's why she lets her forehead rest on the space in between his collarbones.

"Can you ever forgive me?" He asks while letting his fingers push her back from her tear-stained face. She makes a sound in the back of her throat.

"How can I not."

Her voice still had a watery touch to it but sounded more optimistic than she had the entire day. And Theodore tightened his arms around her. But the action sent a jolt of pain through his stomach, and therefore staggered into as he tried to lean some of his body weight on her. But since she wasn't ready, she stumbled against the wall.

"Sorry." He mumbled and pulled away from the embrace.

She chuckled while looking towards the floor, before slowly dragging her eyes up to his face. And then, out of pure instinct, she kissed his cheek and his entire body flared up. "You don't have to apologize."

She hoped he realized the double meaning behind her words. And that she truly did forgive him. Perhaps it would be a stupid decision she would come to regret. But it would be a future problem.

A gentle smile licked her features when he once again cupped her cheeks in his warm palms, and she was on top of the world when he slowly leaned closer.

But he moved so slow, and (Name) wanted to feel him and therefore rose to her toes to gently connect the kiss. It was only a peck, and also short-lived. But it was also her first kiss which meant that it still felt like a thousand suns burned in her chest.

But Theodore seemed to think differently, and with a breath, connected their lips into another sweet, blissful kiss. Although this one not only was deeper but also felt like it was. Her heart beat inside her ribs, more alive than ever when Theodore continued to angle her to meet his lips as he wished. As of the moment, he was pushing her into the wall with his chest, trying to feel as much of her as possible. But since he pressed into her, she had to angle her head up so that he would reach her lips.

Her lungs were burning, and her head spun and she had no choice but to pull away. When she did, Theodore quickly tried to connect their lips again, but she didn't let him. It wasn't that she didn't want to kiss him because she did. But she also wanted to look at him. To see his brown eyes, his pink kissed lips, and rosy cheeks.

"You look pretty." She whispered, and lightly kissed his nose. It was out of her character, but it felt right to do so. Especially when she saw the surprised face that he wore.

And at that moment, Theodore felt at peace. There was no itching on his arm, no pain and she was officially his known addiction. He would never let her go now.

•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·••·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·••·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•·•

I'm so lonely. Anyhow, hope you enjoyed, and that it wasn't to long;)

Quick question, do you prefer 1:st 2:nd or 3:rd pov?

[acanth3]

追憶＊マリオネットの糸の先 / Reminiscence＊End of the Marionette's Strings

EPISODE 3

Shu: Nito. Your concentration is disturbed, you're now 0.4 seconds slow. 

Nazuna: …..

Shu: It’s not like that, the song is playing what was recorded, you just need to complete the dance perfectly.

It’s easy, isn’t it? Because you’re my best masterpiece…♪

Nazuna: (That’s right, I can’t sing on stage..I’m not that clumsy I should just be careful not to speak on a daily basis..)

(Because if I raise my voice, Oshi-san will be put into a bad mood.)

(I have habits and my voice has begun to change..I can no longer show off the singing voice I once had, the voice Oshi-san wants.)

(That’s why it’s forbidden to speak.)

(The part of the song Valkyrie is performing is what I recorded before I changed my voice.)

(My singing voice was my biggest weapon that I polished during my time in choir.)

(The weapon which can’t be used anymore, choir and idols are different.)

(It’s difficult to sing while performing)

(The current ability of my singing has reached what Oshi-san wants.)

(The voice that has changed will pollute the beautiful image of Valkyrie)

(Or a voice which will be perfectly tailored by Oshi-san.)

(So, I cannot sing on stage. I’m just a doll that dances just as Oshi-san wants.)

(Still it’s better than compared to “him”.)

Mika: …..

Nazuna: (Mika-chin is a back dancer again today?)

(He’s not good in front of people’s eyes, so if he’s not behind us he’ll only become nervous and won't be able to do anything.)

(He also said “This is easier~♪”)

(Is that okay to you? Just in the background like a costume accessory that Oshi-san wants?)

(Although Oshi-san feels satisfied dressing him.)

(But what will happen to Mika-chin’s happiness…? Even though he’s such a good kid…No he’s still an idol too.)

(I’m successful now, with the results I feel fine, this should be the correct answer.)

(Today, Valkyrie’s live performance stage looks full. The audience seems satisfied and the public reaction is pleasing/outstanding.)

(But is this okay? Are, we, really..)

(Even though I should be in a growth period soon, my voice has changed, my back has been stretched, I got some muscle..)

(A beard will grow, but in the end, what will happen?)

(I won’t be the cute doll that Oshi-san likes when that happens, so what will happen?)

(Is it like being packed as trash and thrown away?)

(Or will I remain Oshi-san’s favourite doll for the rest of my life?, is that okay..?)

(Is that really okay with me? It’s good now but in the future…)

(What did I even enter Yumenosaki for? Did I become an idol? No, what was I born for?)

(Tell me! Someone, someone, someone…!)

(At this point, I’m no different from the others.)

(I was swept away by the current situation, got my empty glory and I was even satisfied with it. I’m an idiot who stopped thinking.)

(I’m also just a pretender in the end ‘playing idol’.)

(But I just don't know what to do, even though it's my life…)

(All my ambitions are held by Oshi-san, is there no choice to just be moved around by a master’s control?)

(It’s not like that, it’s as if I'm not alive.)

(A heartless puppet that just moves until it breaks.)

[hauntedwoman]

11, 16, 22!

11. a popular song you think is Good, Actually motion sickness by phoebe bridgers !!!!!! "i hate you for what you did and i miss you like a little kid" !!!!!!!!!

16. do you sing or play any instruments? i can sing but i haven't rly done a performance or anything since i was in high school choir. honestly part of me thinks i've lost a bit of my vocal training bc i don't belt or anything like that anymore but i still love to sing so much for me it's one of the biggest ways that i stim

22. a song you can’t stand by an artist you like honestly most of the artists i like i just don't rly have songs that i don't like. like im usually such a hater but why would i listen to an artist that i'm not gonna be obsessed with ? i guess if i had to give an answer it would be "believe me natalie" by the killers. it's the only skip on hot fuss :/

[ronandreams]

15 qs / 15 mutuals

tagged by @targaryeirene, thanks irene! 🥰

are you named after anyone?

nope! most people don't have my name lol

2. when was the last time you cried?

today. i usually do cry at least once a day but sometimes i don't, sometimes it's a quick one, sometimes long lol

3. do you have kids?

nope. i might never, but who knows. if i do it will be adoption.

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

not much. only with, like, one person. sarcasm feels mean (coming from me, i mean. idk why) and i can't bring myself to do it to someone i'm not close with lol

5. what's the first thing you notice about people?

i think i notice eyes first, then voice. and like irene said, i pick up on a person's vibe as soon as i can (social anxiety and general anxiety will make ya do that lmao) so i try to sus out if they seem kind, if they seem interested in talking to me, what their body language is like, if they are someone to trust & be honest with.

6. what's your eye color?

brown! brown like coffee, as my mom has said lol they are dark but not superrr dark. not light brown either, just in between those two.

7. scary movies or happy endings?

i must ask this question - why not both? horror movies with happy endings are SO much fun. i think technically my answer is scary movies. i often feel that "happy endings" are forced, or not done right, it can ruin a whole movie. i'd prefer a tragic ending over a unrealistically happy one. that being said, there's a lot of movies with happy endings that i love. i think it just depends on what mood i'm in lol

8. any special talents?

no lol i don't think so.

9. where were you born?

michigan, in the U.S.

10. what are your hobbies?

reading, the occasional writing, listening to music, taking walks and hikes (absolutely love forest walks), watching tv shows & movies & getting obsessed with them, sleeping in, drinking coffee (can i be annoying and count that as a hobby? the way i do it, it basically has become my life's purpose 😂) hanging out with my boyfriend, visiting cats until i can have my own cat again, and that's basically all i do.

11. have you any pets?

used to! not anymore. my landlord doesn't allow them. maybe one day again! i want 2 cats and a dog lol

12. what sports do you play/have you played?

no :) i will say this tho - i always thought frisbee throwing would be a cool sport to get into. if it counts. same with badminton, it's pretty cool.

13. how tall are you?

5'4", i think i'm a pretty average height for a woman, but i have been called short before. not much though.

14. favorite subject in school?

literature for sure :) i also enjoyed history and choir, psychology was interesting also

15. dream job?

i don't really know lol. i can't answer this question anymore. i just have no idea what would be a dream to me if it's also a job lmfao. maybe one day i'll figure it out.

sorry this got so long lol. i'm tagging (no pressure as always): @nordstars, @nina-sayers, @starsbythepocketful, @obsessedx, @afterssun, @tommishelby, @hellshee, @benantis, @sherlockig, @und0miels, @annacoleman, @padme-amidala, @daisyjvnes, @crowleyaj, @kazsbrekkerz, @haillily, @merrypembertons, @elenas, @camila-morrones, @ohmoriartea, @strawdogs, @leaiorganas, @jellicoe-roads, @diegoshargreevs, @undomiels.

[madchild-dennis]

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe...

Let's start with this:

I saw the news that say the proposed President in this supposed new Constitution would be voted into power. And once again the following comes to mind:

WHY?

Like what's already being done, the majority of the votes (especially in the lower class) would be bought with rum/liquor, money or parties. Like what I KNOW is being done in Old Harbour from I was a child. I heard it, was told by one of the executors (who gets the money to do so and obtain the names for votes in return) and I saw it.

Then Today's news say that this President would be appointed by the Prime Minister in agreement with the opposition.

Then I thought, Maybe they trying to obey God as they can't stop God.

Maybe...

BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT GOD SAY.

You see what I think they may have done as they cannot deny the God factor anymore. So they are trying to make a compromise to preserve the current Monarch and the possibility that what I say God say will destroy it. What they MAY do as I am recently learning is the Prime Minister with consulting the Opposition, will choose this President. That is basically replacing/doing what they do with the Governor General or such.

So, they MAY think to appease the masses and "show" to be doing as God says by electing me...maybe.

However, let's play pretend.

Let's pretend that is their intention and plan.

My answer is NO!!!

I will NEVER be the chosen President nor apply for it nor accept it.

Let's paint a picture of who I TRULY am:

As a child/years ago/now:

I was the choir member but never the lead singer. I wanted to be lead NOT for the fame and acknowledgement but for the love of the song or my love for singing.

I was in a singing groups but never the best or the lead. I love singing or improving on my talent. I loved performing and singing but never craved fame and such from it. It wasn't my motivator.

I was in group/group projects and when NO ONE stepped up to be the leader or the group lacked a competent leader, I stepped in and took the position. I did the best to be dependable, a leader and to guide. To the point a few school projects I did everything and all benefited from the good grade.

I loved acting, the thrill of performance and the experience of becoming a character was fun. Fame never was my motivator.

The little fame I get from existing and being me in Old Harbour, I acknowledge out of respect and not acting like I'm better than these individuals. It's an act of being friendly is not out of love for it. Some days I want to be invisible, but if I don't answer they cuss mi.

I was a prefect in Prep School but never the Head girl and I was contented with that.

I was a Assistant Sports Editor for Yearbook and assumed the main position when the leader disappeared in the second semester.

I was in the Prep School Challenge Quiz team as back up but not on the main team.

All in All, I am a talented, a natural leader, a smart/brilliant person, I naturally gain favour/attention with no effort because of my demeanour and my natural a 'star' quality. BUT I do NOT crave, desire nor need to be the center of everyone's attention, have power, or be the best. I could have worked hard, campaigned or did more to gain those thing, but I was always contented. I fill gaps, play my part and provide leadership when it's lacking.

So when God called me Queen of a Democratically Sovereignic Monarch (for Jamaica at the time) in late July of last year:

The edited to be more clear version:

I could see and understand why. I see God designing a position to protect, prioritize and benefit ALL Jamaicans. A position that is to hold the leaders accountable and fill in the gap if they falter, fail or the elected leader was a wolf in sheep's clothing. It is NOT a position as THE leader and dictator of the Country. Simply a representative for the people in all Governing policies all while being GUIDED BY GOD above.

So CLEARLY God is saying QUEEN, not president. He didn't even tell me Queen at that time of that vision he showed me a MONARCH.

Meaning, my first born child/first child (God reveal will be a son, if it goes as such) and his first born and onward 7 times (that's how long God told me, which would end at the time Jesus return and break through the skies) will be the head and leaders of this monarch. I say head because God say I won't die. Which means when I leave this earth I still will be alive so still Queen according to the title definition. So, my son, his son (as God showed me) and onward may lead under the title of Crowned Prince once appointed to the throne. That will be decided in time.

In fact, from 2020 God showed me that the Monarchial family will be be look upon world wide (not just to Jamaican) as God guides the family to be a GREAT sample. So all will see who God is and what God can do. Especially the marriage was to do so. Hence why God grants me the power to kill him if he fucks up. Or allowing me to demote him/never marry him if he chooses not to sacrifice his pride, ego and comfort by coming to me when it is convenient to him. In fact That's the reason God will replace him by killing him. God put in SO MUCH EFFORT PLAN AND DESIGN such a great plan to show ALL WORLDWIDE HIS GLORY and that motherfucker ain't going to fuck with it at any point. SO it's either he sacrificially obey, in which ultimately give God the glory in the end. Or he stay stubborn and take the severe consequences.

In fact, I designed it as such that there is time in each Trisect (every 4 months) of each year established time for my family, for my business, time for the people and time to hold the Government accountable/do governmental duties/approvals and such under my ruling duties. Therefore NOT spending ALL of my time on governing/ruling duties. Creating a balance when possible (obviously not during emergencies). Making sure the family is cared for, the business can prosper while providing the duty, care and effort lacking for the people of Jamaica and more. This makes sure the Monarch is for ALL the people, self-sufficient, keeping it bipartisan/multipartisan nor at the mercy of ANYONE at ANYTIME other than to GOD.

God is CLEARLY fixing ALL the wrongs. Including showing the world once again WHO HE IS. He's reintroducing himself and removing ALL who been misrepresenting him, lying or claiming what he did not CLEARLY stamp his approval. Like Christianity. Or like the British monarch who claimed to be anointed and appointed by God without any proof, evidence or establishment that is biblically sound.

Speaking of which. This presenting to say they redoing the constitution for a Presidential Head of State and appointing such person by the PM and Opposition, could have been designed and suggested as a potential option by the British Monarch's establishment.

WHY?

If I was appointed a presidential head of state and NOT Queen, it will not interfere with their facade of God-appointed and fragile Monarch, that is BARELY surviving. They are trying their hardest to keep that monarch going. So to do as I say God says, with ALL that I've experienced, all I have done, all that I've survived, all I've said that came true and SO MUCH MORE. Would make many people worldwide TRULY question the necessity of the British Monarch. In fact it would be the beginning of their end. WHICH IS GOD'S PLAN.

What?

YES.

IN FACT, It's not just God's plan to END that monarch with King Charles be the LAST KING/head of that monarch. God declare that majority of their wealth including properties, art and ALL their royal jewels (crowns, tiaras, earrings, necklaces, orbs and more; special, anointed, spiritual, gifts, stolen or not) are to be FREELY given to my monarch. This is what God demands with the promise to spear and not prematurely take the life of his heir and grandchildren (that is Prince William and his family). Not Prince Harry, for his and his family life already won't be prematurely taken no matter what that monarch choose to do, due to their decision to leave that establishment. If the wealth, properties, jewels and more aren't given, God will prematurely take the life of William and his children.

That is what GOD say he will do. King Charles will be the LAST KING of that monarch and his Death is already VERY close due to his actions and desperation to preserve that dying monarch.

Then when the wealth and more is granted to me and my Monarch. The funds (other than the jewels which would become the Monarch's crowned jewels or furnishing or whatever we choose to do with them) will be funnel back to the people through school grants, housing grants, business grants and more. This will MOSTLY be available to ALL citizens of the countries that MY Monarch is the head of state for. This would be the START of Reparations owed to them which have be refused to be granted for CENTURIES. In fact the British monarch will be the first and start of the many monarchs, entities and more that God will use to start granting the OWED Reparation.

So I could care less about that monarch and helping to keep it alive. I would be disobeying God, and blocking God's plan.

DO YOU WANT TO BE IN GOD'S WAY?

So, the point is VERY CLEAR:

QUEEN/MONARCH NOT President!!

Now let's go back to NOT pretending:

The government (on both sides) as it is, is VERY CORRUPT. You CANNOT tell me anything or prove to me otherwise. You can do all the things to make the government look nice. Suh niceup tings, prettiup tings and more. YOU CANNOT FOOL me. So a Prime Minister with the approval of the opposition to choose the President is NOT going to fix ANY of that. So corruption CONTINUES.

Then add the tone-deafness of the government, the people in that circle, running things or the entities running and ruling Jamaica would NOT CHANGE. So Jamaica stays and exist to ONLY serve, protect and be for the ELITE so:

MAJORITY OF JAMAICA IS the LOWER CLASS, BLACK and uneducated/non-tertiary educated/lower educated.

Even this constitutional reform committee hasn't been brought to the general public, the uneducated, the lower class WHO ARE JAMAICAN in a way that they become aware and agree to the changes. They NEED to KNOW and UNDERSTAND, every step of the way as well. That could mean, advertising and discussing it in their LANGUAGE! It's their country too. OR is it because they are NOT ELITE (in your view). So that means to you their opinion, their awareness, their thoughts or their citizenship status is NOT valid.

What! They need to upgrade their status for ya'll to care?

ONCE AGAIN NO CARE, NO THOUGHT, NO EFFORT. Just a projection and ploy to hold unto, keep or secure POWER.

[tuiyla]

If RIB ended up having Quinn explore her sexuality offscreen after I Do (instead of the character devolvement that had her getting w Biff and Puck in s5 🙄), what do you think her return to Lima would've looked like in 100? Not expecting she'd be ready to flaunt around a gf or anything like that, but still, the possibilities are interesting 🧐

Interesting question! I'm a queer Quinn truther so let's see. I see it going down something like this, working with the assumption that Dianna is available as much as she was in season 5 (and 6).

I Do can play out the exact same with the Quinntana convo in-between rounds (Quinntana anon I will get around to answering that!). Then, come the 100th episode, Quinn still shows up with Biff. Whatever, let's have Nate from Gossip Girl included in this version as well. And Quinn says much the same stuff as she did in the actual show, how he's old money and just this perfect candidate for a husband to be. Puck could still call her out on it, I don't mind involving him as long as we don't have them get together. BUT, and here's where we start to diverge.

Like I said in another post, Santana also sees right through her bullshit and it crescendos into an Unholy Trinity scene with all of them pointing fingers - in their own temperaments, so Britt being more chill than Quinntana. Quinn might not actually care about this guy, but Brittany's miserable trying to live up to this genius label and Santana's been busy destroying the good life she had in New York all because she doubled down on Rachel's worst expectations of her. The three of them are not having a grand time. And who knows, maybe the Quinntana hookup gets brought up, maybe Brittana question why Quinn is with a guy at all but she freaks out about that line of questioning and storms off. All three of them are shaken by the scene and a song begins - I'm yet to think of what it should be but I'm sorry to all you thirsty Sapphics, it would be replacing Toxic as the UHT trio.

Brittany's singing and we get glimpses of her life at MIT and her looking sad. Santana takes over and it's a flashback of her in the loft, alone, regretting the Pezberry feud. Maybe we can throw in a montage of other ND members in there, either them feeling lost too or them doing well to provide some contrast. And then when it gets to the last verse, Quinn's singing. Scenes of her at Yale begin to play, some of them involve Biff but she's clearly uncomfortable. Cut to her and another girl, maybe a roommate and the two having fun hanging out. Basically, just let Dianna Agron do her thing here. As the audience we begin to wonder: is this who Quinn really likes? And then as she's singing the song, we see them kiss, but we cut again to her being with Biff and looking regretfully at Girlfriend walking by, who just shakes her head when she sees Quinn with her ~boyfriend~.

Then in "New Directions", Brittana still have their choir room scene (maybe the churros scene in "100" as well as the UHT one). In this version, Brittany begins singing Landslide to Santana and it turns into a Landslide/Everywhere mashup as they get back together. Shh just let me have this it's special to me. So anyway, Quinn walks past and has a sad smile on, simultaneously happy for her friends but also thinking back to their convo and Biff and this girl she actually wants to be with instead. Ideally, the song montage conveyed that she's (still) struggling with some comphet and is too afraid to pursue her true desires. We might even find out that she went back deeper into the closet because her dad reentered her life and she once again believes that she can have the life she (thought she) wanted as a 15-year-old.

But what do you know, Girlfriend followed her to Lima. Not in a creepy way, she just realized she can't let Quinn lie to herself anymore. She shows up as the New Directions are about to perform another nostalgia number or just after Pezberry sing Be Okay, or something. And it's a big confession about her true feelings and how she understands if Quinn isn't ready to be with her and she won't force it, but at the very least Q shouldn't be with Biff of all people. And Quinn, having been reminded of all the mistakes she's made at McKinley and how life's short and all that, decides to go for it. She chases Girlfriend down the corridor and tells her she loves her. She's still not 100% sure about who she truly is and what she wants but she's done pretending.

We could have Quinn return for season 6 like she did in the show, with Girlfriend being in one or two episodes and a few words on how they're doing. It's not like we got much of Quick, either. So anyway that's what I got; the whole Girlfriend plot would be a lot to cram into like, what, four scenes? But we don't have a lot of Quinn screentime to work with. Let me know what you'd do Anon, or anyone else for that matter. And I'll get back to you about song choices lol if I ever figure it out.

[blueberry-beanie]

4, 5, 11, 25, 35, 48!

4. Is there a song you love but don't like its music video? Omg so many... I'm very peculiar about music videos (though it has become better with time). I used to not watch any music videos at all when I had strong feelings about a song. Let's use EE videos as an example. I love Supernormal and Breadwinner, but Jonathan has a special taste for very weird videos that are just disturbing at times haha, so these are not my faves. I have a strange dislike for Coldplay's Charlie Brown video and I also hate the one for Adventure Of A Livetime.

5. Is there a song you don't like but like its music video? Damn, this is a difficult question. I don't think I can answer it because why would I watch the video in the first place if not for the song... I'm sure there must be an example, but it doesn't come to mind rn.

11. Favorite songwriter? Damn, difficult again. I think it's often hard to point out for bands because each member usually contributes something. For example, Yannis said in a live stream that he gets to play the guitar part Jimmy came up with in a song. So how to distinguish that? On the other hand, we know that Yannis comes up with all the lyrics and I am so in love with most of them. He's a poet. Also, for bands there are just crucial things people contribute. Imho, a Coldplay song that deliberately excludes as much as possible of Jon's genius is not a good song. He is the magical ingredient in all of their music. When it comes to solo artists, I think Aurora is a genius. There is nobody like her and nobody has such a strong artistic vision (and stubbornness, rip to her management... only Magnus can deal with her). Her lyrics and the unique soundscapes she creates are just astonishing. Florence has a great way of transforming everyday, human and mundane themes into something universal and big, make personal problems and experiences into hymns that should be sung by a big choir and performed with a huge orchestra to call out the gods tbh (not being poetic here) so that's definitely a talent.

  25. Is there a song you used to like but can’t listen to anymore because you associate it with someone you don’t like? No, I don't have a song that I shared with a friend, family or a loved person that I no longer like. However, I do have a lot of songs that carried me through very dark times. I feel like they have soaked up my sadness and hurt and now they are drenched in these memories. Part of that is why I moved on a little bit from being a Coldplayer. Though I still enjoy the band and keep a blog and participate in the fandom; I rarely listen to their songs anymore. Especially Ghost Stories and AHFOD carried me through some of the worst times in my life. 35: A song you like in a language you don’t speak? Haha... I got to say most of the music I listen to is in English, with extremely few German songs (mostly from my teens/childhood) and some very old Russian songs (also childhood memories) and I do speak all of these languages. What immediately comes to mind is this funny gem by Coldplay. Some songs of course have parts in another language that I don't understand, especially songs on Coldplay's Everyday Life Album, like Arabesque and Bani Adam بنی آدم I also watched that one documentary about Olympos and it had this song called Έρημα βουνά. I have absolutely no idea what it's all about and it's definitely not what I normally listen to but it got stuck in my head. Some of the first music I ever had were the example songs that came with my version of Windows back in... maybe 2008 or so? To this day I still like I Ka Barra (Your Work) and Din Din Wo (Little Child) by Habib Koité and Bamada.

48. Who’s an artist you think it’s criminally underrated and deserves more recognition? *inhales* *screams* EVERYTHING EVERYTHING!!! They are so amazing, it took them one day to completely convert me into a huge fan, tbh. N and I fell into the EE rabbithole almost a year ago when we wanted to see/hear more of Jeremy, because there was not enough of him at the Foals concerts for our liking. N already knew their albums and I knew Night of the Long Knives because of Mark Owen's Spotify playlist, but when we started watching their concerts we realised that they are an absolute gem. Each member is so goddamn talented, their sound is catchy as hell and yet absolutely unique. Everyone go watch Everything Everything, become obsessed, join the Get to Heaven cult etc. A few links for anyone who wants to check them out:

EE live from Granada Studios

Violent Sun

Desire

No Reptiles

Night of the Long Knives

Leviathan

Distant Past (Lollapalooza Berlin)

Thank you so much for asking, N! <3 I've written WAY too much, so thanks everyone who read this, hope you found at least 42% of it interesting.

[toscrollperchancetomeme]

Lestat de Lioncourt - A playlist

So, guess who made a Lestat Playlist (like there aren't enough already) and decided to sit down for 4-6 hours to find some excerpt corresponding with each song? Featuring 80s and 90s music (clearly showing my age...) as well as many european songs and showtunes. Enjoy!

1. Cathedrals – Ramin Karimloo (Original by Jump, Little Children)

In the cathedrals of New York and Rome There is a feeling that you should just go home And spend the lifetime finding out just where that is

And that was not a good year for me. I was wandering aimlessly. I was sick of things. I was furious with myself that the „beauty“ of life wasn't sustaining me, wasn't making my loneliness bearable.

I wanted to join them. Always do want to join them and never do. „Go home,“ he whispered. - Prince Lestat

(I actually feel like there are quotes that would correspond to this song in every one of the books and indeed have not yet found any other song that captures the general spirit of The Vampire Chronicles as perfectly.)

2. Edge of Seventeen – Stevie Nicks

Well, I went today Maybe I will go again tomorrow Yeah yeah, well, the music there Well, it was hauntingly familiar Well, I see you doing what I try to do for me With the words from a poet and a voice from a choir And a melody, and nothing else mattered

He sat next to me, hugging me and asking me why I was crying, and though I couldn't tell him, I could see that he was overwhelmed that his music had produced this effect. There was no sarcasm or bitterness in him now. I think he carried me home that night. And the next morning I was standing in the crooked stone street in front of his father's shop, tossing pebbles up at his window. When he stuck his head out, I said: „Do you want to come down and go on with our conversation?“ - The Vampire Lestat

3. I ain't scared of lightning – Tom McRae

No I ain't scared of lightning And thunder never killed I was born in a summer storm and I live there still

I wasn't part of the world that cringed at such things. And with a smile, I realized that I was of that dark ilk that makes others cringe. Slowly and with great pleasure, I laughed.

And the labor that brought it forth was rapture such as I have never known. - The Vampire Lestat

4. Junge Roemer – Falco (Young Romans – Full Translation)

Don't ask for new old values See white light, see only feeling The night is ours till morning We play every game Don't ever let this journey end The doing comes only from the being Only from dimensions, that Are worth illusions and sensations Give me more, give me more, give me more...

... and again she laughed. „Ah, but we are splendid devils, aren't we?“ „Hunters of the Savage Garden,“ I said. „Then let's go into Paris,“ she said. - The Vampire Lestat

5. Running up that hill – Candy Says (Original by Kate Bush

If I only could, I'd make a deal with God, And I'd get him to swap our places, Be running up that road, Be running up that hill, Be running up that building,

„Not even with Nicolas?“ „No, god, no!“ I looked at her. She nodded slightly as if she approved of this answer. „Why not with Nicolas?“ she asked. I wanted this to stop. „Because he's young,“ I said, „and he has life before him.“ - The Vampire Lestat

6. Florence – Notre Dame de Paris (Full Translation)

The little things always triumph over the large And literature will kill architecture The school books will kill the cathedrals The Bible will kill the Church, and man will kill God This will kill that

„I never lived in it. I push against the glass. But how do I get in?“ „I can't tell you that,“ I said. „You have to study this age,“ Gabrielle interrupted. Her voice was calm but commanding. He looked towards her as she spoke. „You have to understand the age,“ she continued, „through its literature and its music and its art. You have come up out of the earth, as you yourself put it. Now live in the world.“ No answer from him. Flash of Nicki's ravaged flat with all its books on the floor. Western civilization in heaps. - The Vampire Lestat

7. Go your own way – Fleetwood Mac

Loving you isn't the right thing to do How can I ever change things that I feel

If I could maybe I'd give you my world How can I when you won't take it from me

You can go your own way You can call it another lonely day

„Keep your promise,“ she said. And quite suddenly I knew this was our last moment. I knew it and I could do nothing to change it. „Gabrielle!“ I whispered. But she was already gone. - The Vampire Lestat

8. Désenchantée – Olympe (Original by Myléne Farmer - Full Translation)

If death is a mystery Life isn't exactly tender If heaven has a hell Then heaven can still wait for me Tell me how to handle this headwind Nothing makes sense anymore, nothing's fine

Laughter. That insane music. That din, that dissonance, that never ending shrill articulation of the meaninglessness... Am I awake? Am I asleep? I am sure of one thing. I am a monster. And because I lie in torment in the earth, certain human beings move on through the narrow pass of life unmolested. - The Vampire Lestat

9. A kind of magic – Queen

The bell that rings inside your mind Is challenging the doors of time It's a kind of magic The waiting seems eternity The day will dawn of sanity

And quite completely I understood that it was looking for me, this sound, it was seeking me out.

Blood like light itself, liquid fire.

It seemed beneath the roar of the flow he spoke. He said again: „Drink, my young one, my wounded one.“ I felt his heart swell, his body undulate, and we were sealed against each other. I think I heard myself say: „Marius.“ And he answered: „Yes.“ - The Vampire Lestat

10. La quête – Bruno Pelletier (French version of „The Impossible Dream“ from Man of La Mancha)

To try when your arms are too weary To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest To follow that star Ooh, no matter how hopeless No matter how far

I would remain in New Orleans if New Orleans could only manage to remain. Whatever I suffered should be lessened in this lawless place, whatever I craved should give me more pleasure once I had it in my grasp. And there were moments on that first night in this fetid little paradise when I prayed that in spite of all my secret power, I was somehow kin to every mortal man. - The Vampire Lestat

11. Wicked Game – Chris Isaak

What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you

Yet Louis gained a hold over me far more powerful than Nicolas had ever had. Even in his cruelest moments, Louis touched the tenderness in me, seducing me with his staggering dependence, his infatuation with my every gesture and every spoken word. - The Vampire Lestat

12. Do I disappoint you – Rufus Wainwright

Do I disappoint you, in just being human? And not one of the elements that you can light your cigar on Why does it always have to be fire? Why does it always have to be brimstone?

„And suppose the vampire who made you knew nothing, and the vampire before him knew nothing, and so it goes back and back, nothing proceeding from nothing, until there is nothing! And we must live with the knowledge that there is no knowledge!“ „Yes!“ he cried out suddenly, his hands out, his voice tinged with something other than anger.

And then I sensed it. He was afraid. Lestat afraid. - Interview with the Vampire

13. Ordinary World – Duran Duran

What has happened to it all? Crazy, some'd say Where is the life that I recognize? Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday There's an ordinary world Somehow I have to find And as I try to make my way To the ordinary world I will learn to survive

I do not remember when it became the twentieth century, only that everything was uglier and darker, and the beauty I'd known in the old eighteenth-century days seemed more than ever some kind of fanciful idea. - The Vampire Lestat

14. I'm still standing – Taron Egerton (Original by Elton John)

And there's a cold lonely light that shines from you You'll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use And did you think this fool could never win? Well look at me, I'm coming back again

But after the third night up, I was roaring around New Orleans on a big black Harley-Davidson motorcycle making plenty of noise myself. […] I was the vampire Lestat again. I was back in action. New Orleans was once again my hunting ground. - The Vampire Lestat

15. Catch my fall – Billy Idol

I have the time so I will sing, yeah I'm just a boy but I will win, yeah Lost song of lovers, fellow travelers, yeah Leave me sad and hollow out of words

It could happen to you so think for yourself If I should stumble, catch my fall, yeah

I've survived, obviously. I wouldn't be talking to you if I hadn't. And the cosmic dust has finally settled; and the small rift in the world's fabric of rational beliefs has been mended, or at least closed. I'm a little sadder for all of it, and a little meaner and a little more conscientious as well. - The Queen of the Damned

16. I want it all – Queen

I'm a man with a one track mind So much to do in one lifetime (people do you hear me) Not a man for compromise and where's and why's and living lies So I'm living it all, yes I'm living it all And I'm giving it all, and I'm giving it all

It is not enough any longer that my little rock band be successful. We must create a fame that will carry my name and my voice to the remotest parts of the world. - The Vampire Lestat

17. Let me entertain you – Robbie Williams

Hell is gone and heaven's here There's nothing left for you to fear Shake your arse come over here Now scream

I'm a burning effigy Of everything I used to be You're my rock of empathy, my dear

So come on let me entertain you

"I AM THE VAMPIRE LESTAT!" I shouted at the top of my lungs as I stepped way back from the microphone, and the sound was almost visible as it arched over the length of the oval theater, and the voice of the crowd rose even higher, louder, as if to devour the ringing sound. - The Vampire Lestat

18. La bien qui fait mal – Mozart l'Opera Rock (Full translation)

I can feel a violent urge I feel like I'm sliding towards the ground If I don't find out where this plague is coming from I adore having it under my skin Bewitched by mad ideas Suddenly all my cravings take off The desire becomes my prison Until I loose my mind

Yet I was in her arms in this chilling darkness, in the familiar scent of winter, and her blood was mine again, and it was enslaving me. When she drew away, I felt agony. - The Queen of the Damned

19. Tainted Love – Soft Cell

And you think love is to pray But I'm sorry I don't pray that way Once I ran to you Now I'll run from you This tainted love you've given I give you all a boy could give you Take my tears and that's not living, oh

„What do you think I am that I am so easily swayed? I was born a Queen. I have always ruled; even from the shrine I ruled." Her eyes were glazed suddenly. I heard the voices, a dull hum rising. "I ruled if only in legend; if only in the minds of those who came to me and paid me tribute. Princes who played music for me; who brought me offerings and prayers. What do you want of me now? That for you, I renounce my throne, my destiny!" What answer could I make? - The Queen of the Damned

20. Dancing in the Dark – Ruth Moody (Original by Bruce Springsteen)

They say you gotta stay hungry Hey baby, I'm just about starvin' tonight I'm dyin' for some action I'm sick of sittin' 'round here tryin' to write this book I need a love reaction Come on now, baby, gimme just one look

"I want you to put the book aside and come join us," he said. "You've been locked in here for over a month." "I go out now and then," I said. I liked looking at him, at the neon blue of his eyes.

"Do you love me now?" I asked. He smiled; oh, it was excruciating to see his face soften and brighten simultaneously when he smiled. "Yes," he said. "Want to go on a little adventure?" My heart was thudding suddenly. It would be so grand if- "Want to break the new rules?" "What in the world do you mean?" he whispered. - The Queen of the Damned

21. I want you – Savage Garden

Oh, I want you, I don't know if I need you But oh, I would die to find out

"You don't think you'll be back?" he asked. "I think you will, whether I call or not." Another little surprise. A little stab of humiliation. I smiled at him in spite of myself. He was a very interesting man. "You silver-tongued British bastard," I said. "How dare you say that to me with such condescension? Maybe I should kill you right now."

I thought of David Talbot's face, and that moment when he'd challenged me. Well, maybe he was right. I'd be back. Who said I couldn't come back and talk to him if I wanted to? - The Queen of the Damned

22. Lay your hands on me – Bon Jovi

I'm a fighter, I'm a poet, I'm a preacher I've been to school, oh baby, I've been the teacher If you show me how to get up off the ground I can show you how to fly and never ever come back down

I sat down on the bed beside him. And then I bent down and kissed his face again gently, as I had in New Orleans, liking the feel of his roughly shaven beard, just as I liked that sort of thing when I was really Lestat and I would soon have that strong masculine blood inside. I moved closer to him, when suddenly he grasped my hand, and I felt him gently push me away. „Why, David?“ I asked him. He didn't answer. He lifted his right hand and brushed my hair back out of my eyes. „I don't know,“ he whispered. „I can't. I simply can't.“ - The Tale of the Body Thief

23. 20th Century Boy – Placebo (Original by T-Rex)

I move like a cat, charge like a ram Sting like a bee, babe, I wanna be your man, hey!

He drew back with a speed that astonished me, cleaving to the wall. „Don't do this, Lestat.“ „Don't fight me, old friend. You waste your effort. You have a long night of discovery ahead.“ - The Tale of the Body Thief

24. Way down we go – KALEO

Oh, Father tell me, do we get what we deserve? Whoa, we get what we deserve And way down we go

„In chains, to my friend and my scribe, I dictated these words. Come with me. Just listen to me. Don't leave me alone.“ - Memnoch the Devil

25. Personal Jesus – Depeche Mode

Reach out, touch faith

"Don't tell me," Gabrielle said slurringly, "that it's a matter of faith." She sneered and shook her head. "You come like doubting Thomas to thrust your bloody fangs in the very wound." "Oh, stop, please, I beg you," I whispered. I put up my hands. "Let me try, and let him hurt me, and then be satisfied, and turn away." - The Vampire Armand

26. Papillon – Editors

Darling Just don't put down your guns yet If there really was a God here He'd have raised a hand by now Now darling You're born, get old, then die here Well that's quite enough for me We'll find our own way home somehow

"And if I spill my blood down into this coffin now," Lestat asked her, "what do you think will come back? Do you think it will be our Louis that will rise in these burnt rags? What if it's not, chérie, what if it's some wounded revenant that we must destroy?" "Choose life, Lestat," she said. - Merrick

27. Sunday Light – Choir Boy

Why, why, why, are you silent on the ride home? I'd love to see the temple with you Heavenly and bright, golden angel twisted scathing You were one of us, one of us, one of us, you were one of us

"Then come, Little Brother, take me to where you want to talk," he said, and I felt the soft squeeze of his fingers on my arm. "Why are you so kind to me?" I asked him. "You're used to people being paid to do it, aren't you?" he asked. - Blackwood Farm

28. Für mich solls rote Rosen regnen – Hildegard Knef (It should rain red roses for me - Full translation)

It should rain red roses for me All wonders should encounter me The world should rearrange itself And keep its worries to itself

I want to be a saint. I want to save souls by the millions. I want to do good far and wide. I want to fight evil! I want my life-sized statue in every church. I'm talking six feet tall, blond hair, blue eyes- Wait a second. Do you know who I am? - Blood Canticle

29. Constant Craving – K. D. Lang

Even through the darkest phase Be it thick or thin Always someone marches brave Here beneath my skin And constant craving Has always been

I was hunting, thirsting though I didn't need to drink, at the mercy of the craving, the deep agonizing lust for heated pumping human blood. - Prince Lestat

30. Kalte Sterne – Jan Ammann (Cold Stars from the musical Ludwig² - Full translation)

Get up, ride home, on your horse, through your land Across the morning with your reins trailing behind you Build a castle like a dream, build it with mighty hands And it shall be named „future“

Build a castle like a dream Up from the ashes and close to the heavens Build a castle like a dream And realise the future as king

If we wanted to survive, if we wanted to inherit the millenia […] then we had to meet the future with respect as well as courage and count fear and selfishness to be small things. - Prince Lestat and the realms of Atlantis

31. C'est une belle journée – Mylene Farmer (Full translation)

I'm going to bed To bite eternity With my mouth wide open It's a beautiful day

And I felt the cold numbing shell of alienation and despair which had imprisoned me all of my life among the Undead – I felt that shell cracked, broken, and dissolved utterly into infinitesimal fragments. - Blood Communion

32. Princes of the Universe – Queen

Fly the moon and reach for the stars With my sword and head held high Got to pass the test first time, yeah I know that people talk about me, I hear it every day But I can prove them wrong 'cause I'm right first time

„I know that you meant full well to bring Rhoshamandes down, of course you did. But you had no way of knowing that you could. And no one would have predicted that you could. And with the willingness to die, you gave yourself over into his hands... and you disarmed him and destroyed him.“ – Blood Communion

And finally, because I can, a bonus track:

33. Primadonna – MARINA

And I'm sad to the core, core, core Every day is a chore, chore, chore When you give, I want more, more, more I wanna be adored

[mantra4ia]

Trixstar Imagine Fanfiction: "Three Times The Charm"

By mantra4ia. August 1st 2020. Cross posted to AO3.

One of the most aggravating things about hell was that Lucifer could still hear prayers. Like a soundproof room with a squeaky fan. Like a 'no smoking' sign on your cigarette break. Like listening to Alanis Morissette unironically. God's final joke, Lucifer lamented, was that deep in the bowels of exile was just enough awful celestial Wi-Fi to get the spam — prayers to other celestials of which he only caught the static, or pleas to the big man himself — like the bleed-over on an AM/FM radio. Which was why, when Lucifer finally heard a prayer loud and clear with the volume turned up to 11, it nearly knocked him off his thrown. It had been so long since anyone had prayed directly to him, not in jest, or begging for a favor, but earnestly and with fervor that at first it gave him a migraine. He could hardly hear the words let alone distinguish the voice behind them, until at last he was able to tune in to someone achingly familiar.

"Hey Lucifer, it's me."

Trixie, you little hellion, is it really you?!

"it's Trixie. I'm not sure whether you'll remember me. It's been a while."

You have no idea...but of course I remember you mini-Decker, don't be silly.

"Maybe you think I'm still pet sized. Well I'm not anymore."

I promise you, those remarks had nothing to do with your stature and everything to do with your intelligence, and possibly also your penchant to devour snack cakes, small human. But I admit I was wrong Trixie, you're smart and clever. It was then that the epiphany struck Lucifer: why and how was she praying to him at all?

"I bet you're wondering why I called you on the long distance prayer line. At first I thought maybe I would hear your voice answer me back, but I guess this will have to do. You see Lucifer, I may have lied to you, and I know you are not going to like that, but I hope it doesn't keep you away forever."

What? He took flight from his throne and down to lowest depth of hell scape, trying without success to fully find his footing among the chasms, his knees imperceptibly shaking —though he knew not why — while his feet took hold of him though he knew not where to. As if beckoned by the siren sound of her voice, he made his way through the winding onyx labrynth, turning where her voice waned and proceeding again where it renewed in strength.

"Because I didn't lie-outright-lie. I just didn't tell the whole truth. I've always known you were an angel, like your brother Amenadiel. Just that you live in different places. I wrote a whole bunch of letters over the years, but the post office told me Hell wasn't a valid address, and eventually they started making fun of me behind my back for not having enough postage."

Well you should have tried sending it via the DMV. Honestly, Beatrice, I have any number of portals there. A whole network really.

"Anyway, I figure where you are it might be lonely, so I guess this is as good a time as any to catch up."

Out with it then, what's the sitch child?

"I just started driving lessons, although they're not as good as yours." That's my girl. "And Charlie's doing great, he started playing soccer." Please don't tell me Linda had him play keeper to keep an eye out for infant angel powers. "He's the goalie." Christ, I bet she put him in a helmet too. "I was mad at him for a long time, I know he's only little, but I was angry that he couldn't remember you like I remember you. He even asked me if you were my imaginary friend." Does he really not remember his Uncle Lucifer? "I know, kids are dumb. But I'm not mad anymore. I drew him a picture of you in my art class...and my detention after I didn't do the actual assignment in art class, but still-lifes of fruit are boring. It doesn't look like my old drawings on the refrigerator from the last time you were here, if that's what you're worried about. And it's better than Amenadiel's stick figure drawings. If I'm being honest, I wanted to make sure I remembered you too. Maybe one day you can tell me what you think. My teacher Mrs. Fissner says it's very good. Disturbing but good. She may have sent me to see the social worker. Mom misses you. I miss you too. Listen Lucifer, I'm sorry I didn't reach out sooner but...never mind, I guess that's all for now...."

No, Trixie. You're the first human voice I've heard in a thousand years who isn't begging for mercy. Don't, please, Lucifer pleaded.

"It's just that I don't really believe in prayers. I mean, I think they're kind of stupid..."

You're preaching to the choir Trix. I couldn't agree more, this rare instance being a timely exception.

"...because people somehow find a way to make it all about them, and what they want, when they should really be listening."

Oh damnation, don't tell me you've turned into a theological scholar, or did Amenadiel put you up to this? Fess up. Could you sound anymore like your mum, you're the second oldest young person I know. Where is the Beatrice who could extort people for cash, lay waste to my flat in a single pirouette, and inhale chocolate like I inhale controlled substances? A haunting thought ghosted over Lucifer's nostalgia. Did I miss all your formative years?

"And I don't want to do that, because I don't want to torture you."

Lucifer's step faltered as he slid to the ground against the ravine walls, at last overwhelmed by the whole absurd, miraculous encounter. All the days upon days he'd spent torturing souls without missing a beat, and Trixie was worried about torturing him? About how her struggles might affect him? His chin sank to his chest, and Lucifer cried.

"Mom didn't tell me you went back to hell, because she doesn't know that I believe you when you said you're the devil, but she did tell me that it's important and that in your new job a lot depends on you. I didn't want to hurt you by asking you to come back when I know that you can't. But this life is really important too Lucifer, and...it's mom. She's got a new friend."

So that's it, Lucifer thought in resignation, that's why she's praying.

"I feel lost between them. So I asked God to send me an angel, the nicest angel he had."

You've got to be kidding me? Is that what I am now sloppy seconds, I'm not even first on the prayer chain!

"Except I'm pretty sure I already used up that prayer when he sent me you."

Lucifer's din of thoughts fell into silence as he hauled himself up to full stature, trying to pull himself together. I can't help you Trixie, your mom deserves to be happy. Chloe deserves to share her life with someone who makes her feel as special as she really is. And God help me, I can't believe I'm saying this, but it would help if you showed her a little grace.

"So I was hoping Lucifer, that you could please come back and show my mom this isn't the right guy for her. I know you're the only one who can."

Not if it puts you both in harm's way, Lucifer said, knowing that his words would never reach her, and that her prayer like a billion others before would float away unrequited.

"If you can't help me, please help her."

Lucifer stopped cold. Why would the detective need my help?

"I told you, Lucifer. I need you to understand that I've always known what you look like. More than that, I need you to know I've always understood who you are. So that you'll believe me when I say I know that my mom's friend, the one that looks like you, isn't really you."

It was only then that Lucifer realized the wall he'd braced against was not a stone cliff, but a gate. He did not waste a moment eviscerating the lock.

Trixie had searched for Lucifer once, in his mortal abode at Lux.

She'd found him again within his personal den of iniquity without batting an eye.

Little did she realize that even in the lowest depths of hell she could reach him. Dad's blessings, it seems, run in the family.

Third time's the Trix. You're right urchin. It's time to go home.

***21 days of Lucifer Countdown: 21 days until season five. New content daily***

[currantlee]

You mentioned awhile back that you think Felix has some autistic traits. I'm curious to know what traits you think he has? And, to make it interesting, how you think that would affect his relationship with Sylvain?

Before I answer that, I want to clarify for people who don’t know me and might read this that I am an autist myself (Aspie to be completely clear), so I know what I am talking about here. Also, please keep in mind it’s a spectrum. No two autists are alike, not in regards of their symptoms or personality. I know several other people with my diagnosis and some of them show symptoms I don’t while others don’t have symptoms I’m showing.

Update as of the current day: it seems that I have been misdiagnosed with Asperger’s and actually suffer from hospitalism (which does have some of the same symptoms as Asperger’s does) due to years of emotional manipulation and abuse from my mother. I sincerely apologize for falsely saying that I have Asperger’s. I didn’t know any better.

Alright, buckle up, because this is going to be a long post.

Felix’ Aspie Traits…

First up, I think Felix shows signs of Asperger’s Syndrome. Americans will likely know this as high-functioning autism, since it’s as far as I know not an official diagnosis in the US (it apparently used to be, but it was merged into autism spectrum a while back). In Europe and Asia however, it still is it’s own diagnosis.

As for the signs of the syndrome Felix shows: the most obvious one is his dislike / inability to make direct eye contact, which he even admits himself. This is a very common trait of especially aspies and everyone has a different way of describing how it makes them feel uncomfortable. I personally find it impossible to focus on what a person actually says if I do make eye contact. That is because making eye contact for too long actually freaks me out a little, for reasons I can’t explain. It’s just… Scary.

Another obvious trait is Felix’s focus, which borders obsession, on swordfighting. You can clearly see that he is hesitant to do anything, unless it benefits his swordsmanship in some way. For example, he asks Byleth why he should learn magic. If they reply that it will benefit his swordsmanship, he will regard that as a good answer. Another example is Flayn asking him to chop wood and vegetables for him. He only does it once she points out how this would serve as a great exercise for him.

This ties in with another thing about him: dissociation. No, I don’t meant the personality disorder. It is merely the process of getting completely absorbed into something (like a task or a daydream). It is a way to deal with all the information that floods our brains because our perception filters don’t work properly.

You can clearly see in several of his supports that Felix gets so lost in training that he doesn’t realize when people try to address him anymore, even if they are standing right next to him, most notably his support with Dorothea.

A less obvious trait is the fact that Felix can possibly not tell if someone is joking or not (and yes, that actually takes me some time as well every time someone in that game jokes). While he plays it off with his snarky attitude, which makes it seem like he is simply annoyed, there is more than a few examples in which he takes a joke deadly serious. An indicator for that is that Sylvain is always quick to tell him that he was joking with something, possibly because he knows how hard it is for Felix to recognize a joke (I mean, it is kind of obvious if you have grown up with an Aspie even if you didn’t know they have this condition - at least I have been told so by a childhood friend of mine). Yes, he does it with others as well, but he is never as quick with it as he is with Felix.

This also shows in the fact that he is unable to understand metaphors. A great example of this can be found in his support with Bernadetta, wherein she tries to explain him why she isn’t scared of him anymore by telling him that ghosts are only scary because you can’t see or talk to them (however that is supposed to explain it…). Felix immediately mistakes this for Bernadetta thinking he is a ghost.

A far less noticable result of this trait is the fact that he tries to make sense of anything. While this may not be seen as a result immediatly, let me explain. Aspies have two ways of dealing with their natural non-understanding of social stuff. They either back off and isolate themselves (mostly children do that) because they are scared or they start to observe and ask questions.

In Felix’s support with Annette for example, Annette just sings something because she feels like it. Felix however immediately tries to find the logic behind her lyrics, questioning them because they don’t make any sense to him (since he doesn’t understand Annette is just singing for fun and not trying to put a message into her lyrics).

This also shows how Felix finds it difficult to empathize with others. Unless something is very clearly explained to him, he just can’t make sense of it because his brain works different from others. Another example for this is his support with Lysithea: when he catches her eating cake, he just thinks nothing about it. Lysithea however immediately starts interpreting his reaction (like… “Normal” people do this so often and I cannot state how confusing and annoying I find this) and thinks he might go tell everyone. Therefore she gives him the cake in an attempt to keep him from doing so (even when Felix never intended that), which is something he finds absolutely confusing. First up, he doesn’t understand why she thinks he’s going to tell everyone (showing that Felix has no idea how a complex social concept like reputation works) and second, he doesn’t understand why she gives him the cake and assumes she wants to annoy him. Which is not the case: to Lysithea, her cake is something really important, even precious. That is why she gives it to him and it is also why she tries to teach him the value of cake later on. Anyone else, even if they hate cake, would probably acknowledge this gesture as something very sweet.

Another thing this support also shows is how Felix also has problems adapting to a new, sudden situation. He absolutely refuses to try her cake, which she made for him and him only. I mean, he gives in eventually, but before that he is pretty insistent. I know he doesn’t like sweet stuff, but out of being polite, anyone else would probably at least have it given a try without all the arguing. While this is also a good example for how Felix doesn’t understand the concept of politeness (I mean, he is very blunt anyways), it also shows how he finds it hard to adapt to new situations. I mean, he probably tried cake before, but never Lysithea’s cake. Also, she made it specially for him, so she probably thought about how he doesn’t like sweets.

Speaking of politeness though: I often hear that all Aspies / autists in general are very, very polite. This is not true though. Many of us are indeed more polite than “normal” people because first, basic rules of politeness (like not talking with your mouth full of food) is something you can easily learn. Most autists will be happy to, because those rules are actually very, very clear and not open to interpretation. It means it is something we can easily do right. Some other basics (like you don’t tackle people in the subway) are also something that comes naturally because… Ever tried tackling an autist? Please don’t.

However, as I mentioned before, it is a spectrum. Not every autist is alike. There are also enough autists who do either question or not understand those rules. As for bluntness… I think almost every autist will agree that we don’t get lying for the sake of being polite. Which results in the famous pointing out how terrible you friend’s new hairstyle looks (and not even understanding what you did). Felix’s bluntness is similar to that.

Felix is also shown to not interpret additional meanings into words and therefore come up with unconventional things in his support with Ingrid: aside from the fact that he leaves early (another example of him being unable to understand social rules as long as no one explains them), he suggests stuff like stealing the enemy’s horses (which is actually a logical thing to do), meaning something outside of the battlefield. Everyone else apparently assumes they are talking about strategies on the battlefield, when actually only strategy in general is mentioned.

There is something I want to make clear about all of this: autists, and it doesn’t matter if high-functioning or not, are not dumb. They simply lack the instincutal knowledge about social interaction normal people have.

A little quirk: Aspies tend to collect things, even if it is absolutely senseless or even very, very strange from a rational perspective, even to themselves. For example, I know someone who actually collects DLCs, including those they don’t even own the game for. I used to collect soaps because I liked the smell, but never used them. Eventually they got bad and I had to throw them away, but recently I started collecting Copic markers (don’t worry, I actually use those). Felix has a little more of a sensemaking collection: he collects swords. And yes, not all people collecting stuff are automatically aspies. It is just a quirk that is very present within the spectrum.

And now another quirk: Felix is bad at harmonizing. This is actually a common thing: aspies do not have a good control over their voice. While this doesn’t mean we’re all bad singers, it means we tend to talk too loudly, too quietly, very monotone (though this mostly affects Aspie children) and yes… It is hard to talk and sing when others are doing it as well. For example, I never had a problem with singing in front of a class and always had great marks on that. But as soon as it came to choir singing or choir speaking (baaaaaad memories of some language classes here by the way), I really struggled with it. Because while I’m not exactly bad at singing or speaking, I absolutely suck at harmonizing. Funny thing: it is the same with most Aspies I know except one who has sund in the church choir her entire life. So yeah, I can feel Felix here.

Also, Felix is a great example on how autists are never the same: he can keep it short. I obviously can’t.

… and how they could affect his relationship with Sylvain

Alright. You asked for headcanons, you get headcanons.

Getting Together

I think Felix and Sylvain might have a hard time getting together to be honest. Like… It is a constant dance around each other, constantly backing off as they try to adjust to each other.

I think the biggest issue in any autist-nonautist-relationship is recognizing and adjusting to each other’s wishes, needs and boundaries. For example, you can’t expect an autist to cuddle with you every day, just like that. On the other hand, “normies” usually yearn for exactly that: physical affection, be it in form of handholding, cuddling or sexual contact.

So at the end, both sides need to make compromises. Sylvain would have to come to terms with the fact he can’t (immediately) get what he wants, while Felix would have to metaphorically descent into the cold water, meaning doing something he isn’t exactly comfortable with (at first). If you have ever stepped into a cold lake or pool, you know you should rather take the stairs than jump… At least, that holds true for me. You have to adjust to the temperature, which takes a while. It’s the same with adjusting to new situations for Aspies, really.

Like… Once they are actually together for the first time, the first thing Sylvain does is dragging Felix away from the training grounds since Felix doesn’t quite understand that being in a relationship doesn’t mean being alone next to each other. Which leads to Felix breaking up for the first time because “I don’t need a relationship then”.

I think he comes to Sylvain again after like a week because he wants to give it another try. But only if he doesn’t have to spend all of his time with Sylvain. He spends more and more time with Sylv than with his sword though as time goes by.

So yeah. I think it would be a very slow burn between them, a constant dance around each other. They might also break up a few times because Felix isn’t ready or Sylvain notices he is getting too impatient before getting together for good.

Being Together

I think each of them still has their own room at the Officer’s Academy and also when they’re in the army after the timeskip. Doesn’t mean they don’t sleep in the same bed though. However, Felix absolutely refuses to let Sylvain enter his room in the beginning because Sylvain always, always puts something where it doesn’t belong in Felix’s opinion.

Felix is a side sleeper and also refuses to not sleep with his swordhand free. Sylvain usually sleeps on his back and takes up way to much space on the pillow for Felix’ taste, so Felix usually abuses Sylvain as his personal pillow when they share a bed. I think Sylvain likes that though.

Also, when they’re sleeping in different rooms, they usually swap their pillows around, so they are at least able to smell each other. I think that one develops from Sylvain stealing Felix’ pillow as a joke when the latter refuses to sleep in his bed once - Felix actually breaks up after that once more because he feels pressured. Once Sylvain has cleared the misunderstanding and they’re together again though, Felix decides to respond to Sylvain’s joke by stealing his pillow as another joke.

When they’re doing stuff together, they are often comprimising or trading favours. Like… If Sylvain trains with Felix, they go into town together afterwards.

Or they snuggle under the starry sky together because Sylvain wanted to cuddle while Felix just wanted some quiet time for themselves and maybe talk a little. They speak about different constellation’s names (Sylvain probably knows them all because he used to impress girls with those) and how Felix thinks constellations are an absolutely stupid thing because he sees different things in them. In the end, they end up thinking of their own constellations (like the Sword with a Strange Grip or the Horse that Feels a Little Nausy).

Another headcanon: Felix actually hates other people laying hands on his hair / head, because he is pretty sensitive there. However, Sylvain practices to be carefuly only for the chance to do Felix’ hair. So sometimes, he lets him and just grits his teeth while Sylvain is busy. However, I think Felix loves Sylvain washing his hair.

They also like to take each other out for lunch / dinner or spending time at the library in the evenings once the training grounds are closed. Also, Sylvain is a romantic sap who likes to drag Felix to watch the sunset at the fishing pond. He might even get Felix to play some boardgames.

Alright, the next section is something I’m usually not so fond talking about and I really went back and forth on if I should add it to this post for quite a while, but I decided to give it a go because this is something normal people might actually find a little comedic (note: I don’t really mind if Aspie traits are used in a comedic way in media, as long as the figure having those traits is not warped into a total joke through that or heavily stereotyped. If you are, then that is fine, everyone feels different about it). I personally didn��t understand the comedy of this until it was explained to me by some frineds. I think I can empathize a little on why people think it’s funny by now, even though it’s definetly not my kind of humor, so I decided to give it a go.

Basically when Sylvain suggests having sex with him, Felix is like “Why? If you want to have a baby, you would need a girl to do that!”

The background of that is that while many Aspies gain some understanding of the emotional component of sexual contact, most Aspies I know (including myself) struggle with understanding this nature, especially if they have zero personal experience. Rationalized, it is merely a tool to get babies and that is exactly how many Aspies I have met think about it, at least before gaining experience.I figured Felix might share this view at least initially, before he gains some experience.

Alone Together

However, I think that they not only have separate rooms, but also live separate lives. Like, they never really get married. That’s not entirely a Felix thing though. I think both value their independency too much to make themselves depend on someone, Sylvain perhaps a little less than Felix.

I think there would be countless examples of being alone together, like when both are reading books in the library. They’re technically together, but they aren’t interacting.

Felix does especially need space when he experienced a sensoric overload or after he was arguing with Sylvain. I think when either is the case, Sylvain always finds him at the stables later on, where his horse is. Sometimes, Felix is asleep, sometimes he is awake but barely approachable. I also think Sylvain’s horse often lays down next to him and Felix likes to pat it. In any case, Sylvain always gets him a blanket and waits until Felix comes to him again (because he will, it merely takes him some time).

Due to this, Sylvain probably gets him a cat some time. Felix mentions in his support with Bernadetta how he “doesn’t dislike” cats, so I think he is fine with that. The cat usually also follows Felix if he needs space.

Animals and autists often get along very well. We have a natural or developed liking for them, as they are easier to communicate with than humans and know when to leave us alone. Also, they actually communicate to other humans when to stop, which is often helpful for both sides. So yeah, I think the cat would do that as well. And of course, it would take up the entire space in the bed when Sylvain wants to sleep there (which might actually be something they argue over).

And yeah… That’s actually all :3 Thank you for the ask!

[opheliasbrokenmind]

jealous boy - thomas shelby

word count: 2,9K

a/n: hii! i just updated a headcanon yesterday i know but i’m working on this one for a while and wanted to share it with you quickly. i wrote this in my mother language months ago so i thought i can try to translate it. i ended up changing the end but i think this is a good one. i’ll work on the requests for a while from now. let me know what you think, i love y’all.

'Ada, no. There's no way I'm wearing this piece of shit, it's fucking too short.' You looked at the dress on you with a disgusted face. It revealed your body and you weren't going to wear it for a first date. 'Don't talk like you're a priestess or something, will ya? Just wear it and fuck off.' Ada frowned and when her door opened, she became angrier, if that was even possible. 'Have you heard what is knocking in your life??' John didn't answer to her sister, he just smirked and entered into the room while throwing his cigarette. He scowled when he saw you, 'Jesus! Fuck Alfie Solomons, take off that fucking dress.'

You grinned, finally, someone agreed with you. Ada screamed and threw you a black dress, 'What's next, ay? You're gonna join the church choir or something?' You rolled your eyes and went to the bathroom to try the dress.  'She'll look like going to a funeral John.' You heard Ada and opened the door, the dress was simple yet elegant. It looked classy. 'Fuck, the only funeral she's going to will be Alfie fucking Solomons'.' John winked and you reddened a little. 'Eh, not so bad. Come'ere, you need some makeup.' You followed her commands and after ten minutes, you were ready with your cherry red lips.

The reflection on the mirror pleased you, you wore your black high heels and turned to John, 'How do I look?' His smile widened, 'Hot as fuck. He won't be able to keep his dick in his pants.' You blushed, 'Ew, I won't fuck him.' With your words John's face became serious, and that wasn't a normal thing when he was around you, 'y/n, I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to be honest. What do you really think about Alfie?' He looked at you with expectation. You couldn't help but wonder why was he asking that, you answered anyway.

'Well, he seems like a nice man. But you know what? I don't see him as a date, he is just a friend to me. The only reason I'm keeping my word is that Tommy told me to do him a favour. Why did you ask by the way?' He saw the curiosity in your bright eyes, 'Nothing special, just wondered. Now, go and fuck him.' You laughed, he always knew how to make you smile. Ada hummed about you could be a lot sexier but you didn't mind her and went downstairs. Polly scoped you out but didn't say anything. You felt odd because she was the one who always makes good comments about your outfit.

Arthur's reaction was more different... 'For fuck's sake, does that fucking Solomons have something we don't?' You smiled, 'Definitely not, Arthur.' When you blew him a kiss he smiled and continued to drink his whiskey.  Thomas was also there and you were sure that he knew you came. He didn't say anything and he didn't even bother to look at you, what was wrong with him? Usual Tommy, you thought. Pretending like I'm not here, stone-hearted arrogant.

That was impossible that he was acting like that because you were going on a date, he was the one who accepted when Alfie asked him to take you on a date. When the doorbell rang, Arthur answered it. You looked at John immediately, 'Should I remove the lipstick?' He shook his head, 'Nope, I'm pretty sure that there will be no lipstick at the end of the night.' You sighed and turned around.

Alife was talking with Arthur, then he saw you and gaped. 'God, you're so beautiful.' You blushed uncontrollably and hummed a quiet thanks.  Ada pushed you a little and you found yourself walking to him. 'Hello to you, too, Alfie.' You froze with Tommy's cold voice, but Alfie didn't give a damn about him. 'Hello, Tommy, my friend!' They shared a quick conversation and Alfie nodded to John.

'Now leave and take your hot chick with you, Solomons.' Arthur joked and you slightly blushed again. Alfie offered you an arm, 'Shall we, love?' You nodded and took his arm. You felt a pair of eyes on your back until leaving the house, they felt like knives and you knew that they could belong to just one person, Thomas Shelby. He didn't even say goodbye to you and now what was that? Alfie's voice interrupted your thoughts. 'We have a quiet one'ere, don't we?'

'No, I was just thinking. Sorry.' He smiled, ''s okay, love.' You continued to walk and arrived at an expensive and lux restaurant, he said that he made a reservation. You sipped red wine while waiting for your orders. 'So, you are here, in Birmingham for just a few months and already earned Shelby family's trust?' You answered simply, 'Yes, it's no big deal.' He continued to talk, 'What about Tommy? How did he accept you easily?' You sighed, was he questioning you? 'I don't know, maybe you should ask himself.'

You felt uncomfortable and he noticed, 'Okay, relax.' He kept trying, 'I'm sure that everybody noticed you with your beautiful face, don't you have someone with you?' You sighed, 'Maybe I'm not that sympathetic, you know?' You sent him a threatening look, hoping that he won't piss you off more. 'I don't agree, you are cute.' You forced a smile and you two continued to talk. He could be a good friend, you thought.

When your meals finished he suggested to go to Garrison, you accepted willingly. He was trying to flirt with you for minutes and you knew that Shelbys will be there to save you. The cheque came and you said that you can pay for your food but he refused and laughed. You stormed off and waited for him outside, liting a cigarette. You were a businesswoman and you hated getting into bad situations like this.

You couldn't help but compare him with Thomas. You remembered the time you went to dinner with Tommy. One of your friends went on a date with Michael and she asked you to look after her. You accepted and you knew that it would be suspicious if you go alone so you asked Thomas to go with you. He accepted and you brought work that evening. However, you two opened as time passed by and you never wanted it to end. That evening you spent time with a whole different Thomas, the one he chooses to hide and you loved that man. You knew that you could do anything to talk again with that chatty, kind Tommy again.

He let you pay for your meal and you saw the respect in his mesmerizing eyes that night. He was impressed by a powerful woman who was able to handle herself, he admired you. Alfie came to you and you pushed your thoughts, started to walk with him. He made some jokes and you laughed, talked a little. When you finally arrived at Garrison, you walked to the table where the family members were. You sat next to John, started to chat with him. Alfie was watching you.

'Let me look at ya,' John whispered and you turned your face to him. He looked at your lips and frowned, 'Lipstick is still'ere, what a pity.' You rolled your eyes playfully, 'Of course, it is. I don't look him that way, John. By the way, where's Tommy?' His smile disappeared and you felt nervous. 'Oh, don't ask me, please. He is there, snogging with that sticky barmaid.' You couldn't believe what you heard and looked at the direction he showed to you.

Thomas was there, the barmaid was trying to kiss him hard but he was still the dominant one. You noticed that he was definitely drunk, that wasn't a thing that happened often. Polly once said that he rarely gets drunk and when he did, it was because he couldn't control his thoughts. What he couldn't control? you thought. Then you saw that the barmaid was playing with his hair and this sent a shiver down your spine. You knew how much he hated when someone touched his hair, but he was there and saying nothing.

You couldn't help but feel awful, you knew that you were never more than a friend to him but you felt awful anyway. 'Disgusting.' You murmured and John nodded, 'Go get us some whiskey.' You stood up and went to Harry to ask for a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. He handed you the things and you came back to the table. John immediately poured two glasses and you drank it quickly. You had no idea about Thomas was watching you.

John hugged you with one arm, it meant nothing more than a friendly hug but Alfie frowned. 'Jesus, what a whore.' You looked at the other table with John's voice and saw that the barmaid was now sitting on Tommy's lap. He leaned back his head and her lips were going down on his neck. You felt sick and averted your gaze, didn't want to see the scene. 'I can't watch it anymore.' Arthur nodded and continued to smoke.

You noticed that Polly was looking at you, so you turned to her. She shook her head and didn't say anything. 'Stop watching, John. People said that he wasn't with any girls for years and now look at him, letting a sneaky barmaid touch him. Why do you think he is acting like that?' You asked and his eyes looked directly at you. 'Are you really asking that? Oh, y/n... I don't think that you'll be happy when I tell you the truth.' You didn't understand him, what was he talking about?

You smiled, 'Spill the tea, Johnny boy. Nothing can surprise me more now.' Oh, you were wrong. 'We all thought you knew this but it seems like you have no idea. Just wondering, are you blind?' You gestured him to continue and he sighed, 'Tommy loves you.' You couldn't breathe and gasped for air, 'Excuse me, what? Stop kidding.' You coughed again and a small smile played on his lips. 'That's the truth. He was mad when he came home and told us Alfie will take you on a date. Then he forced himself to hate you and didn't even look at your face today.'

'But when you left with Alfie... We struggled at stopping him, he was too angry for his own good. He is with that evil since we came here. There's no doubt that he is dead drunk now. He tries to forget you or make you jealous, maybe both.  We... didn't know what to do, y/n. He's too stubborn to tell you the truth.' You closed your eyes, you had no idea about what you were going to do. The man you liked for months had feelings for you but... Could you trust him after what he had done? Was it his fault? Definitely not, you knew this at least. You should have refused Alfie's offer at first, and tell him that you'd prefer a date with him. You sighed, opened your eyes and took a long sip from your drink.

'Bored, are we?' Alfie smiled across the table and you didn't smile back. 'We can leave, y'know? I know a good place nearby and would like to take you there, ay.' You glared at him, 'Did I get that right, Alfie? You think I'm gonna sleep with you?' He laughed, ''course it is. What did ya think, doll?' His careless words made you angrier, 'You think I'm a whore?' He threw a look to you, 'You tell me. Tommy said that I'm free to do everything with you. Isn't it make you one?'

'Fuck off.' You raised your voice, 'I'm not a whore. You're looking at the wrong place, I'm sure that you can find one in Thomas Shelby's lap!' Everyone was watching you, including Tommy and Grace. Questioning eyes turned to them and Thomas told her to leave, gaining a slap from Grace. She left the pub and Alfie followed behind her. John grinned, 'Can't believe you did this.' You responded sarcastically, 'Did I do something wrong?' Ada smiled warmly, 'I'm glad that blonde bitch left 'ere.'

Thomas came to your table and you ignored his eyes. The family got up and you left with them. You all walked quietly, the cold wind blew to your small frame. John took off his thick coat and placed it to your bare shoulders. You murmured a simple thanks to him. 'I'll go to my place, good night.' Ada stopped you, 'There's no way I'm leaving you alone this night, sweetheart. If you don't come with us, I'll make you come anyway.' You didn't try to refuse again, you knew she was as stubborn as his brother.

Arthur took a sip from the whiskey bottle he carried, 'What were you doing with that girl, Tommy? Are you insane?' He laughed. 'I wanted to have fun.' You turned your eyes to the ground and avoided his gaze, knowing that he was mad at you. Polly took another drag from her cigarette, she made an unhappy sound. 'You don't look like you're having fun, do ya?' John asked, knowing exactly his brother was everything but happy. 'Actually, I could enjoy my night if someone didn't make her angry.' You felt a shiver down your spine and your stomach ached but you didn't even look at him.

Then you finally arrived at the home and you immediately climbed upstairs to go to the room Polly gave to you since you started visiting the house. You took off your high heels and tried to open your zipper. However, you couldn't do it and sighed. Your door opened and you thought it was Ada, 'Can you help me, please?' You said and the person closed the distance, a hand pushed your hair to your neck and revealed your back. Then the fingers touched your warm skin and they found their way to the zipper. You noticed that it wasn't Ada, the hands opened the zipper slowly and the long fingers traced your skin. 'Don't you fucking dare to touch me again.' You hissed, turning back to face with him.

He was in front of you now, Tommy. His drunk eyes and sad face hurt you in a way you couldn't explain. He took a step closer to you and you stepped back, 'Please, don't touch me. I don't want to see you.' The dress loosening around your curves and showing your skin, his eyes lingered on your body for a second. 'y/n, what's the problem?' He asked slowly, his face softened. His pure voice making you swallow, you answered. 'You tell me, Tommy. Do you think I won't notice? You're not talking to me since Alfie asked me out, you didn't even look at my face. What's it?' He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, then closed. You gestured him to speak.

'You think I don't look at you? Jesus, are you joking? Your face is the only one I want to see all day, every day. But, I'm not going to confess my feelings now. I'm not spilling my secrets to you, I won't give you the chance to learn my pathetic intentions. The big Tommy Shelby, ay! Falling for a girl he knows for months and desperate for her love. It hurts, y/n. It really hurts. You don't even like me.' You listened to him open-mouthed, trying to choose what to say for a response.

'You're stupid, Tommy. You believe that I don't even like you? Do you have an idea about why did I go out with that fucker? Because you fucking wanted me to do, because I care about what you want! I care about you. I tried to tolerate him for hours just for you and what happened? I found you with a girl on your lap!' Now, it was his turn to be shocked, was he imagining things or were you really standing there? He shut his eyes and opened, just to see you again. 'I... I'm sorry.'

'I wish you had talked to me first, y'know. I'd prefer learning what you feel from you, not from your brother. If I need to be optimistic, at least we spoke. Now go to your room and rest, you'll have a hell hangover. We're gonna discuss these later, alright?' You looked at his beautiful face, he seemed like a Greek god to you with his sharp cheekbones. 'Promise?' He asked like he wanted to be sure. 'Promise, Tommy.' You gave him a sincere smile. 'Okay, I'm leaving but first..' He paused, not sure about what he was going to say. You felt nervous.

'Where's my goodnight kiss, ay?' You couldn't help but chuckle, you weren't waiting for this. 'C'mere.' You said and he closed the distance again, smiling lightly. He closed his piercing eyes, you enjoyed the view of his long eyelashes. You had to stand up to reach his height, you left a small kiss to his right cheek. His smooth skin warm under your lips, you cherished every second. Then you took a step back and looked at him for the last time that night, 'Goodnight, Tommy.'

He walked to the door and talked quietly before leaving your room, 'Goodnight, love.'

[kyratittyfish]

It's a WIP kinda day!

... so here's a snippet from a fic I'm writing for the lovely @painterofhorizons, inspired by one of her prompts!

----

The undergrowth was soft and damp under Shepard’s bare feet. The air was crisp and pleasantly chilly, and a soft breeze carried around the fresh scent of pines and damp grass.

She put one hand forward and let the sunlight paint a play of lights on her skin, casting shadows of the thousand branches, leaves, and bird nests separating her from the sky above, shielding her from the galaxy and all her fights and obligations. Spots of light blue were visible through the luscious green and deep brown hues of the treetops.   

She couldn’t even remember the last time she ever felt so relaxed- the quiet was so deep and peaceful, it permeated her skin and bones and muscles, deep into her own soul, making her forget everything that wasn’t this, and now. Come to think of it… how did she end up there?

I suppose it doesn’t really matter all too much, she muttered to herself. I’d better enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasts.

She could hear the faint sound of flowing water- a stream perhaps? Or maybe a small waterfall? It seemed to come from her left, so that’s where she headed. Step by step, as she got closer to its source, the noise grew louder…

Until it suddenly stopped. 

Even the bird had stopped singing, and the wind blew through the leaves without making a sound. 

What is happening?

Did she go deaf all of a sudden? Maybe her cybernetics were malfunctioning- I should ask Chakwas, or Miranda to take a look at them

She took a step forward, and the creaking of dead leaves under her feet broke the silence. 

This is strange

At least her ears were still working.

A shiver started at the back of her neck and ran down to her fingers, making the fine hair over her arms stand up to attention. She looked up to look at the thick curtain of clouds obscuring the sun, dark gray spots looming above her through the reddish-brown canopy of trees.

How is that possible? It was sunny up a few moments ago…

A few white specks started littering her vision, falling slowly to the ground from up above, a few finding their resting place in her hair. Was it… snow?

I need to get away from here, wherever ‘here’ is

She quickened her pace, despite having no idea of where she was going. She supposed moving in any direction at all was better than spending another minute in that place. 

It wasn’t completely silent anymore, she realized. The pounding of her heartbeat and the dead twigs snapping at each step almost covered the distant sound of… voices?

“Is somebody here? Can you hear me?”

She was running now, but the whispers were all around her. They echoed beyond the leafless trees, reaching up to the sky above the bare branches waving towards the dark clouds like thousands of arms desperately begging for salvation. 

Whoever they were, they were coming closer. And, she realized with horror, they were calling her name.

‘Shepard… Shepard…’

“Who are you? How do you know my name?”

She stopped dead on her feet and spun around on her heels, sure to find herself face to face with one of those… people? Creatures?

There was nobody there. 

By now, she could discern a few different voices among the choir of disembodied ghosts calling out for her. A woman, in particular, sounded almost familiar. 

“Who are you? Answer me!”

They were so loud now, permeating the air inside her lungs and reaching her mind, shaking it, sliding invisible fingers deep inside her brain, her thoughts, her consciousness. 

‘It’s us, Shepard’

Wait, is that… no, it can’t be… “…Ashley?”

‘Don’t you recognize us?’

Mordin? “Doctor Solus? Is that you?”

‘Have you forgotten us?’

No, please… I never meant for it to end like this… “Thane! But… you’re dead!”

‘We’re disappointed, Shepard… You let us die, and you can’t even remember our voices’

It can’t be real- “WHY ARE YOU HERE? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?”

‘Why did you let us die, Shepard? Why didn’t you save us?’

Featureless figures started emerging from the shadows, illuminated from behind by blazes of orange light. It wasn’t snow that was falling from the darkened sky, she realized now- it was ash. 

‘Why Shepard, why?’

“I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY”

A single voice was echoing in her ears now, loud enough to silence all the other shouts and shrieks and whispers, but still so calm, so sweet, so familiar

‘Guess you found a way to get rid of me too, uh, Shepard?’

No no no, not him too… “NO! PLEASE NO OH GOD NO…”

The flames were almost reaching her now, long red fingers licking at her like venomous tongues, touching her, burning her.

‘You’d already died for me once, Shepard. It was my turn this time’

She collapsed to the ground, and screamed, her hands in her hair, face up to the sky, tears clearing a path down her darkened cheeks, stained by the ashes that were now swirling around her like flies over a corpse. 

‘Shepard…Shepard!’

She screamed till her throat was raw and her lungs were empty, until no sound would come out anymore, until her chest was burning and her next breath was ash and smoke and fire. 

‘SHEPARD‼’

And then she screamed some more. 

[contentgreenearth]

TRUE TYPES POST #6: JEAN

DISC: Primary C profile, result: C (D) (I), slot 16

SOJT type: Ti-n (D<A auxiliary serves as dominant)

*Note * The first 2 introverts we looked at (Jaime, and now Jean) had this pattern where the auxiliary serves as the dominant. Briggs and Myers thought this was the norm for introverts, however it's not. I have a study that refutes this, and when I blog that study, I will link it here

Briggs Myers type most resonant: INTP

What were  you  like  in high school? 

I was shy and quiet. I mainly participated in school activities where I could lurk in the background and not stand out, like band and choir. However, my brothers, my then boyfriend, and some other friends got me interested in doing the same things they did. So yeah, I did try my hand at sports and acting in plays and musicals. I actually did fairly well, and surprised myself

What is your  greatest  fear? What do you  do to address it? 

I really don't know how to answer this. I don't think I have a fear anymore. Maybe I'm wrong?

Was  there a time in your life where you felt you hit  rock bottom? What was the  situation  behind  it? 

I'd say it was when I got raped as a 13 year old. I had trauma from that , which changed my life forever. In addition, I got pregnant from it, and became a mom. Fortunately, my parents were sympathetic, and helped me raise my son

Where  would  you  put yourself  on the social spectrum, and why? 

Definitely an introvert. Some people might argue an ambivert, because I get loud and social when I'm with my close friends,but that's not the norm. I'm usually quiet, shy, and a loner

What are some things that really bother you? 

I'd say one of the biggest things is crowds. I'm always trying to escape them. I also don't like surprises, especially when they don't follow logic

What,  would you say, are your biggest strengths? 

I am very efficient, and get things done, if I don't spend too much time being distracted. I'm also good at taking ideas in, like in a brainstorming session, and filtering them, figuring out what the best options are. Am I explaining this ok?

What,  would you say,  are your  biggest  weaknesses? 

I would say coming across as cold and not caring, and sharing my thoughts and feelings with others. I also have a big problem with jumping to conclusions about things, and unfortunately, more often than not, I've been wrong. I also have a tendency to get distracted

When  you  switch  your  attitude between  introverted  and  extroverted,  or vise versa,  what are  you  like?

When I act like an extrovert, I'm loud and social. In my younger years, I would threaten to beat people up, and cuss a lot. I don't do those things now that I'm older, though

What was the hardest  thing  you  ever had  to  do? Why was  it  so  hard? 

The hardest thing I ever had to do was act in plays and musicals. It really challenged me, and made me go totally against the nature of my personality. But it was worth it in the end, because I surprised myself in a good way. I found out I do have some talent in that area, and I can actually act fairly well.

What are you  like  when  you're  sad? 

When I'm sad? I don't know if I've ever been sad. What is sadness ?

How masculine/feminine  do  you  feel  in relation  to others  of your  gender? 

I'm masculine. I'm quite yang. I was considered a tomboy growing up. Now, I'm the one who fixes everything in the house, and my husband thinks it's weird, like our gender roles are switched

Here's  4 focuses  you can have in  life: tasks, people,  objects and ideas.  Which one would  be  your  primary focus and why? Which one  would be your  secondary  focus  and why? 

I would definitely say my biggest focus is ideas. I love to work with them, and systematically pare them down. I would say my second is likely tasks

What do you  do to have fun? 

I just like to sit around, and just hang out and relax, most often alone

What was  the  nicest thing you ever  did  for  someone,  and why did  you  do  it? 

The nicest thing I ever did for someone? I don't really have an answer for this one either. I think I'm such a loner, and my interactions with people are not quite as common as they are for others, that it's really hard for me to know if I'm being nice to someone or not. It's also hard to tell how I'm coming across to others

Thanks, Jean, for sharing with us

By the way, when I did these typings last summer, I was very surprised that Jean turned out to be an INTP. She certainly did not fit the type descriptions for INTP that you see online. She had more artisan-type interests, and as a result, I had her mistyped in my head as ISTP, or possibly INTJ. But her DISC assessment and MBTI analysis put her firmly in the INTP camp. So I guess that goes to show what a mess the Briggs Myers type descriptions are

Additional typologies I've been able to do since:

Big/Global 5: RLUEI

Enneagram: 5w6, sp/sx, 513

Additudinal Psyche: LVFE

Greek Temperament Blend: Melancholy/Sanguine

Psychosohpy: LVFE

[xuseokgyu]

This might be the longest one yet.......... rip. i had some stories to tell.... :((

My job is to mostly to tell people when they make mistakes lmao. i work in document quality control ? for a manufacturing company, mostly check the inspection paperwork and certificates for the medical/surgical devices. and then have to be like this... is not right. fix this. currently have a lot of prototype parts going through which have some added requirements but also they keep changing the prints so then obviously the paperwork then changes and its just been annoying cuz its redo-ing a lot of paperwork.

yeah, that makes sense and that is part of it sometimes... i also think im just not in the mood for certain genres of music at times lol.

lol yeah it was so funny in the beginning she was watching some mv's and kept sending me screenshots of jeonghan with different hair styles with this message "who is this????" and every single time it was still jeonghan. i was just like lmao you should just assume that its jeonghan at this point. her defense was that he looks really different every time he changes his hair. she can recognize him now at least. the only other ones she can recognize currently are s.coups (her current favorite member overall) and vernon (her favorite rapper in their songs - she really like how vernon raps). shes more rap biased lol.

thank you.. you are only a little late lol my bday was the 11th. the last time i played bingo i spent $40 total over two days (80 games @ $0.50/game) and won zero. its a skill... i only got close to bingo (1 space away) like 3 times total. it was really tragic... at one point the lady sitting at the same table as us was just like wow... i haven't seen you even get three in a row since i've been here (which was like an hour).

We went to the same kindergarten, then i moved away and then i moved back in the 8th grade (i also have known the friend that is getting into svt for the same amount of time since she went to that same school, though her family are basically neighbors with my cousins family, and they are really close, so i saw her a lot more overall but wasn't super close to her until more recently actually, when we went to the same wedding (my cousin's) and starting talking again)

also to help this make more sense (as in why would they remember me lol) my graduating class size at that school was only 22 people, and my cousins also went to that same school. my dad went to that school, the english teacher there had taught my dad when he was in high school, its extreme small town vibes. people would literally just recognize what family i came from and just start talking to me. and i'd just be frantically trying to figure out who they were. like oh god oh god am i supposed to know who this is?? have i met this person before???

actually the wackiest thing is one of my friends from when i moved (big school), her grandma, i found out after we moved back to the small town, used to babysit my dad and her grandmas house was literally a mile down the street from us... you could see her grandmas house from our living room windows. i was just like what?? her cousins also then went to the same school as me. and then we fell out of touch but then ended up going to the same college. where she would be like "i saw you on campus today" and i was just like??? i did not see you, where are you? i haven't talked to you in like 3 years wtf?? i'm not in touch with her anymore but my younger sister is currently roommates with her younger sister in college lmao. oh other bizarre thing... one of my classmate's (from the big school) relatives bought the house we sold when i moved in kindergarten, and idk for some reason a few years after we moved we went back to the old house for something idk, and my classmate was visiting her family at my old house at the same time. we saw each other and we just stared at each other like what are you doing here?? we had moved like hour away (highway travel times) lol so it was just so random. (wow i hope these made sense lol)

the heat was worse in the beginning of summer i think... or i've just gotten used to it lol. there was all that smoke though that blew in from canada a bit ago though. but thats almost become a yearly thing now unfortunately. lol your weather sounds like how the weather is here sometimes - i live in minnesota, we are known for our wildly fluctuating weather. extreme highs and lows.

I love piano in music! I had to learn how to play piano as a kid... my grandma taught (most) of the grandchildren. i'm not very good at it tbh i never liked to practice and i havent played in years lol. we also learned how to play the piano/read sheet music when i went to the big school for music class for a year. I feel like if you are able to buy a little cheap or used keyboard it shouldn't be too hard to teach yourself if you wanted to start?? at least simple songs. I guess learning to read music would be the hardest place to start if you've never read sheet music before?? but thats what cheat sheets are for tbh. write the notes in, write them on the keys whatever works. we had a foldable note cheat sheet thing that went behind the keys and said the name of the note and where it was on the staff behind all the keys. when I was learning i'd be like b b b where is the b im looking for... ah here it is *ding* ok and now c ... c . c. ah ha *ding* and then repeat until you can play at a normal speed lol.

oh hands down its Oh My! best summer song lol i love Oh My! .... You Made My Day is also my fav album... what about you?

also what's ur favorite cold drink (#2)? picked this one cuz I have been buying myself bubble tea like once a week almost uhhh all summer lol the tapioca pearls at this place are so much better than other places i've been to and this place has cheese foam that i have also become obsessed with (tho thats very expensive its an extreme treat myself drink add-on lol) the blended mango with cheese foam... so good.... its like $7 though. today i got the normal mango milk tea which i hadn't had in a while cuz i'd been going through the various types of regular? milk tea (made with different types of black tea - i love black tea i have um a lot of tea i think i have like 15 different types rn). Otherwise I almost always have ginger ale in my fridge lol its great for a lot of things and also just to drink. love ginger ale... i just love ginger honestly.....

Is 1am and I should be sleeping but I wanna answer this before reveal day!!!

Best job description 😂😂 I feel like your job is one that can become automatic very easily so I can see how the changes can be annoying

SCoups and Vernon are definitely the ones with more distinctive faces, they were the ones I recognized better first, same for my father... he knows the names of all the members now but he still messes up the three Js hahah Jeonghan Joshua and Jun always take a while for him to recognize, sometimes Wonwoo too, which drives my sister crazy cause two of her three bias are there 😂😂

These small town vibes are so cool! I love that you have this community and managed to form long lasting friendships!! I basically had the same classmates for ten years and as soon as we graduated I lost touch... I made great friends at college tho The pandemic has been hard, we are respecting our health and haven’t seen each other personally since it all started, but I hope once we can meet again everything will go back to how it was between us

I had a situation sort of similar to yours at school too ahha My mom was and had already been a teacher (P.E.) at my school for years so all the staff and a looot of the older students knew who I was, but I had no idea who those people were hahah To this day almost everywhere we go together we will encounter some old student of hers...

Is so cool that your grandma did that! But I can see how it was more a task than something you truly wanted to do so you probably wouldn’t be very excited heheh I was part of a choir growing up and we had sheet music but our teacher never truly showed us how to read it, I know the basics but is literally like a toddler that just learned the alphabet hahah

Oh my! really is THE summer song I completely agree with you there!! I also absolutely loove the mv and whole comeback seemed really cool

Oohh I only had bubble tea once and I want to drink it again!! I only know of one place that sells it here, it is still a pretty new “concept” so there’s not a lot of shops around... And I never had ginger ale! I’m super curious about it cause I’ve heard it being mentioned in, like, tv series, but I don’t drink sodas so I don’t know if I would break my “diet” for a taste heheh My favorite cold drink is lemon iced tea, the ones we have here are really sweet and kinda “sparkling”? (I don’t know how to say it... is almost like a soda but not really 😅) Even during the winter, we drink it during weekends cause is a “special drink” hahahah not a Brazilian thing, just in my house

[peachwaifu]

☾ ⁞ ❛ ᴀʟʟ ᴡᴇ ɢᴏᴛ | ᴠᴏʟ ɪ

note ⁞ i just really wanted to write some boyfriend!shawn. i'm already working on a second chapter ehehehe word count ⁞ around 1.6k

Your name: submit What is this?

Mariana’s strumming her guitar, her delicate fingers still just starting to form calluses. It’s not that she’s new to guitar — she’s definitely not; she’s been playing since she was ten years old now. But she gave up her life of music for 5AM shifts at a coffee shop and seven hour study sessions at night. All in all, she’s just been too busy to pick up her guitar and strum her stress away. All that changed when she met Shawn though. Now, her life consists of 5AM shifts at a coffee shop, seven hour study sessions, and late night FaceTime calls with him.

When they first met, she didn’t think much of him. He was just another pop star who had another overplayed song on the radio. She was a fan, don’t get it twisted, but she knew that she was just another face in the crowd to him. Only… she wasn’t.

He didn’t notice her in the crowd. No, that would’ve been nearly impossible because unless the house lights were on, there was no way in hell Shawn could properly see anyone past the first few rows in the crowd. She didn’t spend more than $80 on her concert tickets, so she was somewhere much higher, somewhere where he couldn’t see.

It was actually a mutual friend who introduced them. Her friend, Rei, invited her to her wedding in LA, and Mariana packed up a weekend’s worth of clothes and drove her ass to Los Angeles. She was sat at the same table as him, and they hit it off instantly. Their conversation flowed easily, and while Mariana was thinking she was never going to see him ever again, Shawn couldn’t wait to ask her when they could meet for coffee. Except… Shawn got cold feet and left without even saying goodbye, much less her number.

They didn’t talk after that until two months later, Mari got a text from an unknown number one morning asking her if she was free for coffee. She texted back asking who it was, and Shawn didn’t hesitate on calling himself a dumbass and telling her it was Shawn from the wedding and that he had gotten her number from Rei and that he’d only be in LA for the weekend and he really wanted to get a cup of coffee with her.

You can only imagine how much his heart sank when she told him that she didn’t actually live in LA, sent with a broken heart emoji and a bunch of sad faces. She let him know that she was actually from around San Francisco, and his heart found new hope before he replied with ‘coffee next Thursday then? I’ll be in San Jose.’

It was love at first sip for Shawn when they finally met up for coffee. He wanted so badly to fall in love with someone, and when he thought all hope was lost, it was as if the universe finally answered his prayers and brought him Mariana. The only problem? She was all the way in California whilst his home was in Toronto. But he figured that’s a problem he’d think more thoroughly if they ever get far enough down that road.

So here they are now, five months later. Mariana’s strumming her guitar for the first time in maybe two years whilst he’s on FaceTime with her, tucked in his Toronto bed.

“How is it we’ve been together for four months and I never knew you actually sang — like for real? And that you play?” Shawn’s voice is groggy and croaky due to a mixture of sleepiness and a sore throat. Mariana shrugs, halting her strums and resting her chin on the base of her guitar. “Are there any other secrets you’re hiding from me?”

“I play the piano… kind of.” Shawn’s ears perk up a little at her answer. “I used to be in choir? I don’t know. I used to take music a lot more seriously.”

“Babe, what the fuck.”

Mariana laughs at his curse and places her guitar back on its wall stand across her room. “Sorry, sorry! S’not my fault that it never came up!”

“Fuck, Mar, I really thought you just had a nice voice! I didn’t think you actually were trained or anything. What the fuck, dude. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Calm down, dude,” Mariana snorts. “I haven’t touched my guitar in ages, and I haven’t sang properly since high school. And it’s not like you had any reason to ask me about it. You’ve never been to my house so you’ve never seen my choir pictures or any of my guitars — ”

“You have more than one?!”

“Or like my piano in the living room or anythin’.” She ignores his interruption and sighs. “D’you see what I’m getting at here?”

“No?”

Mariana rolls her eyes. She doesn’t know if he’s genuinely this clueless or if she’s just not being obvious enough or if he’s just really sleepy. “You’ve never been to my house. You’ve never met my family — only my cousin that one time and that was on accident, and like, babe, we’ve been dating for almost half a year. I know you’re busy as hell, like trust me, I know, but I just? Don’t you think it’s kind of weird that we’ve never met each other’s families?”

“You wanna fly out here to meet my family?”

“No, Shawn I — ”

“So you don’t wanna meet my family?”

“That’s not what I meant. I just mean that it’s — ”

“What do you mean then, Mar?” She’s annoyed by now. He keeps interrupting her, and it’s such a pet peeve of hers whenever she can’t finish her sentence, and he knows this.

“Jesus fucking Christ, if you would just let me finish.” Her Macbook is perched on the edge of her bed and she’s thankful for this because now she has two free hands to tangle into her hair due to frustration. “You’re such a fucking Leo.” Mariana spits out his zodiac sign like it’s a slur, but she knows damn well that she loves that he’s a Leo.

“Hey!”

“I’m just saying that, like, you’re in California pretty often and we see each other often enough.” She hears him trying to start a sentence but she glares at the webcam on her laptop before he even gets a chance to speak, as if saying try it, Mendes with her eyes. “I know it’s not often enough, but we talk everyday and you come to visit when you can, but whenever you visit, you don’t say hi to my family. And you know how important they are to me. They’re starting to think I’m lying about even having a boyfriend, and you know how hard it was for me to even convince them that I’m 20 and I’m allowed to be in relationships now, and just… ” She trails off before she starts rambling unnecessarily.

“Yeah, I know that baby, and you know that it’s important to me especially since it’s important to you. Next time I’m there, I promise, I’ll meet them. We can have a cheesy dinner at the table, and then I’ll fly you out here and then you can meet my fa — ”

“Shawn, I don’t… have a valid passport anymore.”

“What?”

“My passport expired like four years ago.”

“Mariana, why haven’t you gotten a new one?”

“There was never a point before! I haven’t left the country since I was like 10! And, like, I’ve been meaning to get a new one because I wanted to visit Canada anyway before I met you, and visit Mexico too but, like, passport books are just so expensive and I figured — ”

“Babe, I’ll pay for your fucking passport, just — ”

“No, Shawn I can pay for it myself, I just wanted to let you know that it’ll take about two months or maybe longer before I can even think about leaving America, but also I don’t know if my parents will let me travel to a whole ass other country by myself to meet my ‘maybe real’ boyfriend’s family.” She puts quotes around ‘maybe real’, recalling the time her dad accused her of making up Shawn being her boyfriend.

She doesn’t have to look at the screen on her laptop to know that he’s rolling his eyes. “You’re 20 years old and you have to ask your parents for permission to travel. I know it’s not my place,” Shawn starts, and Mariana already gets irritated before he even continues, “but I think they have too much of a hold on you. You’re literally an adult.”

“Well, sorry, that I didn’t start travelling the world at like 12 years old,” Mariana rebuttals, crossing her arms.

“I wasn’t 12!”

“Whatever.”

And that was the end of that. Mariana lays down on her bed with her laptop beside her, eyebrows still furrowed, but her irritation dies down slowly. Shawn’s still on the screen, but his eyes are closed and his face is dimly lit by the light on his own laptop. She can tell he’s still awake, but by the slight movement of his shoulders and the soft snores that are leaving his mouth, she can also tell that he’s ready to fall asleep at any given moment.

“Goodnight baby,” she murmurs, and she thinks that he doesn’t hear her, but the subtle curve of his lips prove her otherwise and her lips mimic his as he responds with a mumbled out ‘night, love’. Her heart still skips a beat every time he calls her a pet name, and yeah she’s probably being dramatic, but she squeals a little inside her head and her cheeks blush a little, and it’s just her favourite thing to be called cute little pet names and it’s even better when it’s coming from her favourite person.

She’s happy and content as her own eyes close and she falls into a blissful sleep.