#another test of procreate dreams lol

[spittyfishy]

I started working on this before I even finished udg lol, but I’m quite please with how it turned out!

[astranauticus]

post mortem for my orv animatic bc i have lots of thoughts and yall are gonna hear all of them (that is a threat)

first is the obligatory special thanks/plagiarism declaration section but a lot of the shots in this are inspired by the original changgwi lyric video which like. please watch it there's a reason this song is a classic animatic song on bilibili like the music is good but the video definitely helped. also speaking of bilibili, special shoutout to this arknights chongyue animatic that introduced me to the song that will haunt the next 8 months of my life!

the original inspiration was the thought that the verse of the spirit telling the story of its own death felt very yjh coded but it took like another week of stewing on it to have the idea of using the final chorus for the dkos arc which was the moment i decided i have to actually make this thing

going strictly by when i started putting pen to paper (pencil to ipad screen? whatever) this took almost exactly 5 months since i created the first drafts in february but the first 3 months ish from february until may were also my school semester so. most of the progress (id say about >60%) was done in the last two months of me working on this every moment i wasnt at work (or playing project sekai, for some reason)

also! funny little detail but counting the drafts and some discarded frames my procreate stack for this thing has exactly 49 artworks in it! neat little easter egg i guess (yeah 51 wouldve been more fitting but whatever)

this fully slipped by both me (at 2am) and my friend whom i sent the finished version to (fighting the flu) but in the final edit i didn't actually include the second half of the last lyric?? it's 'i will take you to the mountain god' i apparently just wrote 'i will take you' and never finished the rest LMAO

speaking of the lyrics i dont speak korean and im not a huge fan of most english translations of this song that exists so on multiple occasions i was so tempted to just use the chinese cover someone on bilibili did because then i'd at least be confident i know where the fucking line breaks were (there's one line at the end where im pretty sure i didn't edit on the line breaks correctly but that was more of an intentional compromise because the timings would've been off otherwise. anyway) tbh the only reason i didnt do that is the atmosphere and delivery of the original song is. really unbeatable like the cover's also pretty good but it doesn't quite achieve the same effect

also speaking of things i fucked up im aware i drew sys in the wrong outfit for the dkos fight but like. ok full disclosure my orv reference folder is a complete mess (theres like 400+ images in there. for some reason) so on net ive gotten character outfits wrong while working on this thing like at least 3 times bc id just grab a random webtoon screenshot from my folder and go w it. it's just that by the time i realised i fucked up i'd already finished drawing all of sys's frames and i was too lazy to go back and change all of them LMAO

anyway yeah some other random things i wanted to whinge about:

there's a lot of effects i wanted to do that didn't quite come across due to. lack of skill/time/patience/all of the above but the one im really annoyed about is the yhk postchorus bit with the 3 circles bc. first off i think i drew those while halfway dozing off on the train to school once because uh. yeah

anyway poor drawing aside id really wanted to recreate the sort of. drawn-in effect on the circles and lines that the original lyric video had but i could NOT for the life of me figure out a way to execute that in capcut so. here we are (also you cant put transitions on overlays in capcut so that's why those also looked so bad. youre welcome)

honestly my timeline for this in capcut looks pretty ridiculous bc if you want to do word by word animations/effects you need to pay for the pro version so my workaround was just to have like five thousand text layers with 1-2 words on it each (do not recommend btw)

speaking of the text im a moron so i kinda forgot to account for the text when drawing frames and wow you can tell. yeah next time im just hand writing the text fuck this

and i have some more thoughts that are. mild to moderate webtoon spoilers so past this will be the spoiler warning line

__________________________________________________________

actually my original plan was to upload this the day dkos dies in the webtoon but a. i genuinely did think it was gonna be yesterday like i dont pay for the early access episodes so i was just kinda going off orvtwt LMAO b. i could feel myself burning out on this like the last few frames i drew for this were fucking dogshit so i figured either i finish it soon or i wont finish it at all

i will probably still draw something for dkos' death day though for those who celebrate (basically when i was thumbnailing for one of the frames in this i ended up with one that didnt fit the video aspect ratio at all but still looks pretty good so im promoting it to a full drawing. so look forward to that)

like for an idea of how fucking sick of this shit i was by like. last week pretty much like for the last few frames of the dkos fight i straight up forgot to draw dkos' wings and had to add them in halfway through editing last night. like that's how fucking out of it i was by then lmaoo

looking back its actually kinda funny cuz the whole put this up when dkos dies thing was my plan since february but i had literally no way of knowing when that would be especially since the webtoon stopped going with the novel chapter numbers exactly (i could.. guesstimate but my original estimation was in june so yknow. real useful) but like i can find evidence of me panicking about that deadline since may. why did i do that

given that deadline i knew i cant really include stuff from the novel past the dkos arc but man. the amount of times i wanted to use something from later (ESPECIALLY 1863 arc). i actually have another idea i want to test out thats like full epilogue spoilers partially because working on this for so long made me realise i really want to make more epilogue content <- what

yknow how i mentioned discarded frames yeah i had to draw dkos' death 3 times because the first two compositions just never quite panned out. i mean the current one is also pretty unreadable with the colour scheme but trust me the previous ones were way worse christ alive

[bra1nw0rmz]

you draw levi like a wet tissue and i CANNOT get enough of him PLEASE I LOVE HIM AND HIS SWAGLESS CRINGE FAIL PERSONALITY

GHGHGH TYY I LOVE HIS SWAGLESS CRINGE FAIL ASS TOO

Here’s a levi from another test I did with procreate dreams lol, cw for drug use ofc

[bnha-scenarios]

Okay, so, first thing first. The second half of September and the whole October has been a wild ride.

Apparently this game blew up on TikTok (and probably some other platform or something?), and now I could see that there are tons of you who downloaded the game. That's just... so... unreal, at least to me. I didn't think this project would get so much attention. Even now, I’m still waiting to wake up from this dream 🙃

Anyway, if you’re new here: welcome! Sit back and relax, ‘cause this is gonna be a long ride!

I want to take this opportunity to say that due to the amount of comments, especially on itch.io page and my Tumblr, I won’t be always replying personally one by one to everyone anymore. I'll still try my best to answer questions and all, but I think by now everyone's common questions should already be answered in the FAQ page. So, moving forward, questions I have already answered inside that page will be ignored.

Still, I want you to know that I do read and treasure every single one of your comments. Thank you so much for your encouraging words, support, and suggestions! I'm sorry I can’t reply to those writing in languages other than English and Indonesian. While I can throw simple comments into Google Translate, every now and then the translator butchers long sentences and gives me garbled translation which I can't understand 😥

  ☕️ Special Thanks ☕️ 

I'd like to also take this chance to say, many, many thanks for the coffee, you all amazing, generous people:

M.L. | Dominique | Genki | Sara | 1 Anon

Even in this hard time, you’re all so kind. Again, I can’t really do much, but as my way of thanking you, your names will be put under Special Thanks in the game ♡ 

Alright, now, to the real essence of this post: progress update.

My work had been pretty demanding nearing the end of this month, and it made me get really sick of doing coding in general. Still, there is some progress on the game, and that’s good enough for me!

More details below ↓

Character Sheet: You / Player / Main Character

Before I get to anything else, let’s talk about ‘you’ first, shall we?

Although the main character's name is changeable, if you don’t wish to pick a name for them, ‘Suzuki Kaede’ is set as the default name.

Why Suzuki? I figured I would just take from one of the most common Japanese surnames.

Why Kaede? I chose it because I wanted a common Japanese unisex name, because the main character themselves is supposed to be gender neutral. So, the name came up as one of the results in Google, it has a somewhat nice and neutral meaning (maple), and I find that it sounds pretty nice, I decided to use it.

To reiterate, throughout the game, I try my best to not mention any physical characteristics and avoid elements which leans heavily to a specific gender in the story. All the characters in the game will also call you with your last name, and only neutral suffix (-san) is used at first. But you could get an event where you would be able to pick how the love interest will call the player, starting from that point in the story (on top of neutral options, there will be choices with gender-specific suffixes which you could pick if you want to). Other than that, all characters will always refer to the MC as ‘they/them’.

Now, moving on to the thing which people has asked about -- the player's Quirk. Here's a text version in case you couldn't see it in the image above for some reason:

What happens when a woman with Enhanced Learning quirk and a man with Camera Vision procreates? A child with exemplary learning ability and a pair of exceptionally observant eyes, apparently! The hereditary Vision you got from your father enables you to focus or scan an object or landscapes. With all the cues and information from your eyes, it seems that you're able to analyze and 'see' particular details of your object of interest in the form of numerical data. Due to the mainly passive nature of your quirk, you have to rely on the traditional weapons for offense, which might not be useful at all depending on your opponent's quirk. It's a plain and nonoffensive ability which isn’t so suited for a hero according to most people, but whatever - you’ll show those noobs the power of a gamer!

In other words, the information in 'Stats',  ' Weapon Proficiency', 'Special Moves', and even the 'Affection' meter, are actually part of the MC's Quirk. This also means, the more you hone your Quirk, the more it could affect your gameplay. I'll talk about that on the Gameplay section below.

There is one thing that’s kind of related to the MC's Quirk and I wanted to clarify. Bakugou did call you this in the demo, and yep, you might have guessed it: “crosshair eyes”. Reticle, crosshair, whatever you want to call it -- it’s that symbol you usually see in the center of your screen whenever you play FPS games. This is the only physical feature of the player's character that I specified (and yes, canonically, Hatsume has a pair of similar looking eyes in the original work). In relation to this, the icon for ‘activating’ your Quirk matches the same symbol.

Gameplay

Introducing: Stats, Special Moves, and Video Games!

Stats

There are 5 basic Stats for all of the characters in the game (brownie points if you recognize where they're taken from!): Speed, Technique, Power, Intelligence, Cooperativeness.

Your own Stats start off low, but you will be able to increase it by doing various activities, such as studying, playing games, winning on Heroics lessons, going to certain places, etc. Different activities raises different Stat, and you're free to choose which particular Stat you want to develop.

What are Stats being used for?

Certain Stat will increase a certain character’s affection, though it won’t be as much as if you hang out with that character.

There are certain places which you can only unlock when a specific Stat reaches a certain point. I’ll talk about hang out places and characters’ schedules in another post.

Weekly one-on-one training matches in Heroics lessons will test a specific Stat or Special Moves each time. Depending on who you chose to become your opponent, that specific Stat will determine the outcome of that match. On one hand, winning these matches can increase your Stat, but on the other hand, there are also special events you could possibly unlock when you lose. Again, I’ll probably talk more in detail about this in another post, since I still don't have the coding part down, so things might change.

Special Moves

Every hero has a Special Move in this universe, and so does the player’s character! While they might not be as flashy as All Might’s iconic United States of Smash, some of your Special Moves will have a direct effect on the gameplay. For example, a certain Special Move could unlock more answer choices for certain scenarios. Another Special Move could be activated to give you hints on how many affection points will be added to a character for the available choices.

You have a total of 5 unlockable Special Moves, and it will be up to you to use this feature: do you spend your time trying to unlock all of it in hope to make your gameplay easier, or ignore them completely in favor of balancing your Stats while pursuing the affection of your chosen love interest? It’s your choice!

(More brownie points for you if you got the reference in that picture lol)

Another use for Special Moves would be in the Heroics lessons, seeing as it might test how your Special Move fares against the opponent you picked.

Video Games

I would say that this particular element plays quite a big role in this game, since the MC learns and develops themselves by playing games. While you do have a set of games which you’ve owned, you’re able to purchase new games from the Video Game store. I would recommend doing this, as there are some neat ones which will help you greatly in your playthrough. But if you're not interested to explore them, that's fine too!

Each video game has a different effect, and it’s up to you to discover them! Or, perhaps, you could unlock a Special Move that allows you to know what effect each of the game has? 😉

What are Video Games being used for?

Most games will only increase specific Stat(s), but there are also others that can unlock Special Moves.

There is one game which helps you to unlock Stats or Special Moves of your classmates, which you can use in the Heroics lesson to pick a suitable opponent based on your current Stats.

In addition to all that, there are 2P games which require more than one person to play, and you could play them with your romance target when they’re available. On top of building your Cooperativeness, choosing the right answers during the gaming session will increase that character's affection.

Others

The basic functions behind some activities like studying, buying video games, and playing video games are done. I will probably move on to code the functions handling the Heroics lesson’s battles and the behind-the-scenes of when the player chooses to go to certain places.

I've also finished the two main custom screens, which is the Quirk and Games page. If I have time and the motivation, I'm guessing I'll be adding the two other additional screens I had thought of doing. We'll see.

Assets

This part is my nightmare, because I’m a perfectionist who’s far too picky when gathering resources…

But no assets = no game, so I did find several assets which I did like. This includes backgrounds, audios, background musics, and some sprites I was planning to use for developing the phone call function. I’m not going to list down all the things I found here, because I don’t think any of you would be interested in a long-ass list, but here’s an amazing background picture which I stumbled upon searching the dark abyss that is the internet:

Full credits to the artist: https://arsenixc.artstation.com/

Writing

I would have to say there isn't too much progress on this side yet, but I did decide on some story elements I want to insert into the game and scripted in a few scenes for the first day. I also managed to code in the dialogs for some common activities / places, like the video game store and a small part of school lunch time.

Honestly, I should probably create a sheet to identify how many scenes I would have to write? So all of us know the progress for this part of the development? ..... Let's see how it goes when my OCD flares up...

Disclaimers

All assets included in the devlogs are not mine, and credits to the asset owners / websites will be included in the game! My Hero Academia / Boku no Hero Academia ⓒ Horikoshi Kouhei

[zozammer]

Rejection

Yet to receive a rejection letter from an Ivy League that I’ve always dreamed of going to, but frankly I’m all about aiming medium.

I’ve never been loved by a man. 

I talk about love a lot because there seems to be a sparseness and thus, a curiosity. Others will argue that there’s no such thing as true love or love, and we’re all just bundles of neurons amassed in a lug of a body, chemically reacting to procreate and sometimes really liking the activity... Assholes. None of you want that, you just say it to yourselves because you want to aim medium.

I would talk about my rejection by my faculty, bosses, and peers for my professional personality and style of working or just non-working (This is not true - everyone can work. You have to figure out how to make them work.) But oddly, these rejections don’t matter to me. Because somewhere, I still believe in myself.

Rejection by men and boys alike though, that’s been a determinant of my happiness for a long time. Safe to say, on most occasions I have always been dumped. And I don’t really blame them because I’m not well adjusted, and I am deeply anxious to be in human relationships. They freak me out. Everything about it, um. The longevity of such, how to have fun, things to do, how to be happy, how to keep the tide going, the spark up, be cool, make them think you’re cool - just a bunch of things that I have no answers for.

Rejection hits me very hard inside.

I’ve always appreciated the ones who let me down gently as I seemed to gracefully exit. As for the ones, who left me in shambles, I thank them for clarity and transformation. And the ones who thought I was not worth it, thank you for making me question why. I’ve been trying to work on that and also understand that I don’t have to conform to your version of a human experience.

For those who assumed I was stupid, or ditzy, or childish, or not cool enough, or a molester. 

- Yeah - one dude even called me a molester, because of one night when I was really drunk and heartbroken. The guy I was in love with for two years chose someone else, and I was looking to move on. And I got aggressive when I was drunk, and I hit on this guy who I genuinely crushed on for a while. He was funny and cute; I was desperate to get on with my life and retain my swag. Unfortunately, lol. I got thirsty. And thus, not so classy.

Don’t care about it now, but this is one of the few examples of my psychotic behaviour as a result of my deep insecurity regarding love and being enough. Which is why I don’t indulge and take things forward ever, because I know deep down inside, that I am still working hard on my progress as a person. And I am not ready for anything like a three legged race.

(I also hate the standards that men put on women to “be”; it feels very foreign to my original make, and I don’t want to comply for the sake of getting some. I am inherently a non conformist, I don’t believe and follow many of the rules of courtship. I don’t want to change.)

- Another pivotal rejection in my life, was an ex of mine, who basically made me feel like I was worthless, crazy, unpretty - but it wasn’t his fault. I wanted him to love me so badly as I loved him. But he didn’t and he couldn’t, because I didn’t love myself. It was very hard but I always cherished him for choosing me when I was a total loser and didn’t think I was capable of being loved. The odds were very much stacked against us. He was all about being normal and fancy, and I am not about that. Also I’m not exactly an expert on love; I don’t know anything actually lol.

-  I’ve also been rejected by dudes I was never into. Yeah, men tend to think you’re into them pretty quickly. It’s quite amusing.

What Rejection and these moments have taught me though, is that I am legit crazy. Not saying it’s good or bad. It’s something that I’m working on even though I don’t really feel like I need to... Feel like men could diversify? lol. 

I don’t feel good that I lost. It doesn’t feel great to know that it was and wasn’t my fault. But, it did give me a clue into what I needed to fix.

Sometimes you’re an asshole, and you have to work it through. And sometimes, you’re never going to be that person’s type no matter how much you change. Because you are always going to be a snowflake (unique and shit) and that person has got to love you for who you are, and where you’re at in life. 

... Also, don’t try so hard.

Rejection moulds you and with a little insight and humility, transforms you for the better - always. What parts you didn’t know were broken and now maybe definitely need fixing. It tests your strength to see how much you can take and how much you can fight. 

That, or it helps you get to the bottom of the causes so that you can see yourself and maybe, not change for anyone. Not doubt yourself and not transfer the belief system into your own body. And take you to your own unique path, with the whole of you intact.

I wasn’t and am still struggling with the ability to let shit go so that I can move on and not define myself by my failures. Rejection is good practice of learning this skill. 

I wonder if I’ll ever get the cocktail right, but I’m happy that I tried and failed. I’m happy that I have stories even if I’m not an emerging victor, I’m happy for the few moments of bliss around my turbulent insides and pieces of love that I’ve shared with men over the years. I’m not one for relationships yet, but it’s been quite a ride getting to know this sex haha. :P

Thank you my list of attractive men. You have helped this baby grow the fuck up. And sorry if you think I’m into you, I lean forward because I’m a bit uncomfortable with leaning back completely on a chair.

[working-on-becoming-a-better-me]

Day 253—Mar. 23, 2021

Okay, so the numbers for my previous consecutive posts were off by a day (like a day ahead) and February 7′s math was way off, but I googled this! so from here on out, we will be accurate! let’s go bois!

BIG UPDATE BOIS! Essentially? I’VE GOTTEN BETTER! Mental health is better, habits are better, outlook on life is better, productivity... isn’t as high as it was when I first started the blog, but it’s doing MUCH better than November and even January.

coping with minecraft:

So, I’m still addicted to the dream smp minecraft fandom. my friend got me a dream hoodie, bucket hat, and a georgenotfound hoodie for my birthday. but! I’m coping better. I’m behind on streams, and am now catching up during Spring Break. For a while, I was pushing back school work to watch and catch up on streams. I promised myself that during free periods I would work since I was catching up on streams at home, and then... yeah. ANYWAY! I’ve gotten a lot better at that recently by noticing that even fanart accounts (accounts dedicated to mcyt-ers) were talking about how they didn’t watch a phasmaphobia stream because they weren’t interested in it, or talking about how they were behind on streams... it really helped me accept the fact that I can be a real fan and not watch every single stream.

cultural convention:

My international school does events with other international schools but because of covid, we can’t travel. I act and made varsity drama (we call it a different name, but yeah!) and we had virtual conferences. I was incredibly friendly and loud and there were tons of zoom calls. Our schools kinda known for being... uh, stuck up? and kinda elitist. Not like I was being fake, but I was making an effort to talk during calls and be active on group chats made. I joke-flirt a lot and focused my attention on one person. A whole thing ensued, but some of the other actors in my school (there were only 11 of us) were joking abut sending me to “horny jail” and one girl kept apologizing for me. During “lounge sessions” I would interject with what I thought were funny comments and she’d say “again, I’d like to apologize for her behavior” and... uh... I cried at school. Cuz I’ve heard way too many times from too many different people about how I’m embarrassing... BUT.

What really helped was the fact that there were late night zoom calls and I was one of only three kids from my school the first night on a call with around 25 people. Other people said I helped give them a really good first impression of our school, especially considering all the things they’d heard previously. The guy I joke-flirted with (I previously dmed him asking if he was okay with it and he said he was) said on a call that I was one of the funniest people he’d met in a while. It was a huge confidence booster in knowing that the efforts I was making were paying off :)

confidence:

Since starting this blog, I’ve been trying to be nicer to myself. I’ve been practicing more positive self speak and have recently realized the difference between the way I speak about and to myself and how some other people do. Being nicer to myself out loud has helped a lot in feeling better and more comfortable.

I wanted to try wearing black masks, but my mom bought the wrong kind. They had patterns and I was really nervous because I didn’t really want to stand out. I used to not care, but... I dunno. Teenagehood and whatnot. We wear uniforms too, so the only differences are in accessories, hair, etc. I’m not sure why, but I was really nervous to wear the new mask patterns to school. But I told myself it was an experiment, to force me to be more confident. I actually forgot I was wearing it until I saw myself. And since I’d posted on my private story saying I was doing this to try and be more comfortable, some of my friends came up to me and told me it was actually cute. Shows that I really had nothing to stress for. Not that it was really self-expression, but for me, and anyone else who needs to hear this, no one cares. Maybe they even wish they had the courage to wear different things as well.

mcyt mantra:

I have a mantra now! adapted from something drunk Wilbur Soot said during Quackity’s livestream, I think. I repeat it when I’m happy and when I’m nervous or scared and I guess... I dunno, I’m like classically conditioning myself? Except not really since I’m doing it out of order. But yeah! get yourself a mantra!!!

character day:

more with confidence! spirit week is just an excuse for kids to not wear their uniforms, but I put a lot of effort into an Ace Ventura outfit I put together. I only saw around two or three other people actually dressed up as characters, but I had so much fun and thought I looked amazing. I was proud that I wasn’t a normie ;]

Also... it’s so humid in this country and the rubber bottoms of my boots actually stuck to the pavement and fell off. I spent the day without the bottoms of my shoes and it was so funny. Even my mom laughed after (she laughed for so long, it was adorable) and she said only I could pull it off and that the friend I walk to school with everyday is lucky to have me as a friend. My mom was telling me about how she never had a friend like me growing up, just so weird and goofy. And it made me happy to think that I can bring so much... zaniness to people’s lives

ao3:

been writing a lot more recently! haven’t been posting on my writing blog since it’s all fanfiction, but it’s helping me write! I update one of my stories every two weeks. When I feel like I’m not doing enough, it’s a nice reminder that I actually can be consistent. I may be getting better... who knows :)

nehs:

been editing lots of papers even though I don’t need to anymore since I made vp of my school’s nehs chapter. but it’s helping me learn too! I’m very instinctual when writing, but obviously when I’m editing I can’t just ask them to change something because “it doesn’t sound right”. So I google explanations and then tell the people who’s papers I’m editing. It helps both them and me!

ipad/drawing:

got a new ipad for my birthday. been messing around with procreate. been doodling in class (only dream team characters so far lol). might be getting better... hopefully I am!

also have a sticky notes app on my ipad and been creating to-do lists! yay!

teaching:

been teaching students in cambodia! last year I had a teaching partner who guided lessons mostly. this year I’m the leading teacher. It’s helping with my fear of leadership and responsibility.

social:

still not the most social, but more active on snapchat now with keeping in contact with some of the cultural convention kids. covids made it harder to keep in contact, and I’ve been trying to reach out more to my closest friend who I’ve not hung out with in a while. not that we don’t see each other at lunch every other day, but I walk to school with, share a class and after school study hall with another friend. so comparably, I’ve spent less time with my closest friend.

recently had a spa day with my small neighborhood gang! my friend painted my other guy friend’s nails! yes! we used face masks as well :)

general update:

- went to the pool the other day and now I’m hecka burnt

- yesterday I wrote letters for honor society points, caught up on math hw, wrote a reflection and plan for a class, reviewed chinese with my mom, met up with my “mentor” for a class

- have been helping a lot of people! am currently a part of two people’s pieces for their theater class and I have a rehearsal later today!

- was doing a lot of work as an officer of thespian honor society—I’m likely going to be on the officer team again next year and, until a few weeks ago, I hadn’t felt like I’d been doing much and was feeling unworthy. but then I was proactive about something and updated our sponser (school’s drama director) on what we as officers decided. felt... prettyyy goooodddd :)

- !!! yesterday I went on a walk and brought money and my student ID, ready to buy bubble tea, but then... I mustered up what little willpower I had and then didn’t buy it. Instead, I bought surprise lilies for my mom (and some groceries she asked me to get)   - been trying to cut out unnecessary sugars and foods. if I’m not hungry, I shouldn’t eat, but also... I listen to my body and if I’m feeling really snacky, I’ll indulge   - recently been craving ice cream, but not the flavors in my fridge so instead I’m just not eating ice cream at all and ate an apple once as a substitute :D

- not sure if I’ve been sleeping more, but it kinda feels like I have been?

- started taking pictures of the world when I think it’s pretty one sunny afternoon when I was laughing lots with a friend... especially right after cul con, I was taking a lot more pictures...

- just been more active (not physically... though occasionally, when bored, I’ll stretch some... but I should try and get more active (I mean... the walk yesterday?))... creatively speaking (ao3, with art), socially online (cul con kids), in person (making plans over spring break!)...

- I just feel like I’ve been putting more effort into life

of course, there are the down bits, like for one project based class where the end product is due in May-ish and it focuses on the “process”... I’m just... not... process-ing. I chose a writing project (why). I’m focusing a lot on my side projects, but not my class writing one :/ as well as that, when assignments pick up, I do too, but when I get down time I feel like I deserve it (which I do!) but I don’t work ahead. I’ve been really busy though. Teaching got cancelled because the school in Cambodia shut down unfortunately due to covid. But before spring break, I was teaching, editing papers, writing my own for lang, doing cul con and then catching up on work I missed because of cul con, studying for tests, attending rehearsals... there’s a lot going on and I need to recognize that I am doing so well, especially compared with a few months prior when I was in a much darker place.

mostly stress has been my plague, but yeah! also in the span of one week, two classes bumped up a grade (or half a grade... we have letters and + system (no -)) so my previously low gpa became slightly less low! It gave me confidence that I can end the semester strong!

procrastination: another plague. I keep delaying setting up college counseling meetings and have delayed this update for a while now... and the project-class...

also have babysitting jobs again so we gon get some monnaayyyyy! (job is not from people we met at the pool, but we did meet people at the pool and their kids liked me so much they asked me mom to get me to babysit them... another boost to confidence! yay :) I’m a likeable person :] )

thanks for sticking around! I’m glad I’m getting this update in because I’m doing... really well :D hope you guys are also doing well or that it gets better!

[lisabland93]

Our Wonderful Life of 25 Years

Today we celebrate 25 years of marriage!

On this day, 25 years ago, we eloped to Austin, Texas, getting married at 8:00 am. We had been engaged for 7 months, had gone through the Catholic Church for our marriage preparation (Which takes 6 months), and were ready to get married and start our lives together.  We didn’t want to wait any longer. 

I met Steve Bland in November of 1992 while out with a friend at a Club called Phase II. My friend was meeting her guy friend who was friends with Steve.  I didn’t actually talk to Steve till we were all walking out to our cars.  I asked him his name. When he told me, I said, “Steve Bland?? Do you know Daniel Bland?” He said, “That’s my brother.” Oh my goodness! I have known Daniel all through high school. He dated a friend of mine and we would all get together and hang out.  Upon discussing this with Steve, I recall attending a CYO (Catholic Youth Organization) dance at St. Mary’s School. My friends and I running out to a truck excited to see Daniel show up and open the passenger door to let him out. Steve was actually driving the truck bringing Daniel to the dance. Who knew? We were so close to meeting at that time but God wasn’t ready. We had to both grow before it was time. Upon getting to know him, the things that impressed me was his starched Wrangler jeans (that was the thing back then) and his Ford Diesel Truck. At 23 years old, to be driving a Diesel, I knew he was a hard working man and it being a Ford.....Oh, yea, I was a Ford girl. I had dated many a bum who couldn’t keep a job and drove Chevy’s. YUCK! Lol

When I met Steve, I was a single mom of a 4 year old daughter, Amber. I had made some choices that weren’t the best but I did gain a beautiful daughter and a lot of responsibility and a lot of growth. I had already completed college as a single mom, earning my Court Reporting degree and was working toward passing my state boards. Steve never wanted to have children and didn’t want to date anyone with children. I guess God had a different plan. Steve was a Shop Manager with a Diesel Mechanic’s degree working at Atterbery Truck Sales in Beaumont and had his own apartment. I was working at Nell McCallum Court Reporting firm in Beaumont and still living at home. 

We remained friends and grew to really like each other. In February, we were becoming very attached to each other. He had a planned Valentines’ date with a girl to a club in Lake Charles called Cowboy’s. He went on the date and then spent the night with his brother. The next morning I called him and casually asked him how his date went. He said it didn’t go well. I was super excited and glad it didn’t go well. He then asked me if I’d like to go to town with him. He needed to run to HiLo (a auto parts store) in Orange. I said sure. He came and picked me up and we ran his errand. When we got to the store, he said he needed to just run in and reached in the back seat of his truck and handed me a container of candy and a Valentines’ card. That was when we actually started dating. Amber turned 5 in March and Steve came to her birthday party with a gift just for her. Through our dating we would travel to Austin nearly every weekend spending time with friends and enjoying the city. It became our favorite place. On April 16, 1993, while in Austin jet skiing in Devils’ Cove, Steve pulled over the Jet Ski and wanted to tie it off and asked me to get the tie rope out of the container in the bike. When I opened the container, there was a ring box sitting there. I picked it up and looked at him and he was on one knee on a rock in about 3” of water asking me to marry him. Of course I said YES! After we got engaged, Steve knew I dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom. He asked me to quit my job to stay home and give him all of my bills. He would then give up his apartment and sleep on my parents’ couch until we were married. He did! The beginning of making my dreams come true! 

Steve’s dad was hired to tear a house down on East Circuit St. in Beaumont but upon walking through it saw its potential and told Steve to come look at it. We bought it for $1 and had it moved from Beaumont to Orangefield to some land that his parent’s let us use. The house was built in 1941 and was a little rough but we worked on it and made it our own.  When we married, we couldn’t live in it yet. So, my in-laws loaned us their 23’ motor home to live in and we parked it next to the house.  We worked hard to get the house live able. By the summertime, we had one bedroom ready and moved Amber into it and we slept in the dining room with NO AIR CONDITION!! That was rough!! Steve and I recall sleeping on a mattress on the floor in the living room in front of the windows where we had the attic fan sitting. He said, “One day you will be laughing about this.” I said, “I don’t think so.”

Six months after we married, I received a call from Amber’s real father who was now paying child support for the past 8 months. He wanted to meet her and spend time with her and take her places. Although I was happy he was finally taking responsibility as a father, I was scared to death as well. When Steve came home from work and I told him my fears, he told me it was all a ploy and to call my attorney tomorrow and have him ask her father to relinquish his rights then he would adopt her. The very next morning, I did just that. By the afternoon, her father signed his rights to me. Steve then began the adoption of Amber as his own. Another dream come true!!

Two years into our marriage, we got pregnant for Hanna. I will never forget the morning my pregnancy test was positive. I very excitedly told Steve that we were pregnant. He said, “Congratulations!” Hanna was born September 20, 1996. Two years later, we got pregnant for Payton. When I was pregnant, we moved to a new house on Holly St. Payton was born June 15, 1999. We also started Steve’s Services by purchasing my father-in-law’s grapple truck and I started homeschooling that year as well.  

At this time, Steve informed me that we had had our last child. He didn’t feel we needed to have anymore.  My dream was to always have 4, 2 boys and 2 girls. So, after many tears, I began many Rosaries. In November of 1999, Steve was invited to attend a retreat called Cursillo in Prairie Ronde, LA. He said he was giving his attendance to me as an anniversary gift because it was on our anniversary weekend. I had already attended one in Houston when I was 20. So, I kind of knew what they were like and was very excited for him to go. When he returned from that retreat, our life had been changed. God was always the center of our marriage but now we had given our lives totally to God including our procreation. We would let God tell us how many children He wanted us to have. The night he returned will forever be in my memory.  He glowed with the Holy Spirit and had no worry lines on his forehead. We stayed up almost the entire night talking. It was amazing!!  And another dream come true!

After the retreat, we then had our “Cursillo” babies. Emily was born on August 28, 2001. Aaron was born on June 5, 2004. We had 2 miscarriages after Aaron was born. So, two babies are in Heaven waiting for us. Then we had Mary on January 12, 2008. Mary was a difficult delivery and although, we wanted to have more children after Mary. God placed it on our hearts that she was to be the last one.  We didn’t try to have another child but we didn’t try not to have another child. We let God decide what He wanted for our future. When Aaron was 4 months old, we began building a new house back on Sand Bar Road. I designed the 3200 sq ft home which is currently where we live on 27 acres of land.  This is our dream home for sure!

God has truly blessed us with a great life, a great marriage, and wonderful children and grandchildren. Two weekends ago we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with the wedding we never had with our children as our wedding party. We couldn’t have asked for a better day!! When we left for the reception that day, we both agreed that God has given us a good life!

I can personally say that God has blessed me with an amazing man! God made him and healed him just for me!! I never deserved such a gift but God said I did. Steve is my King and has made me his Queen. My heart still flutters and swells when I see him.  There are so many days I can’t wait for him to be home. I love being in his space at all times. Now onto new chapters in our lives as we marry our children, welcome more grandchildren, and grow the young ones still at home. We have big plans for our future and I truly cannot wait to see what God has in store for us. Because our lives are truly HIS!!

Mrs. Steven R. Bland (Lisa)