#another iyak session for me

[kimhortons]

On a Peaceful Sunday Morning.

I remember kasi nung namatay si mommy, first and last iyak ko lang nung nag chat yung kapatid ko na wala na si mommy. kararating ko lang sa work non, Sunday. ang peaceful ng paligid. nag my day pa ako non “sana laging Sunday” wala rin kasing traffic at yung tugtog sa uv non ay mga genre ni Bryan Adams na favorite niya. nakita ko pa siya that morning when i woke up na nanunuod ng mass sa TV. I never thought na yun na pala yung huling moment na makikita ko siyang nasa bahay.

night before that kasi, may outing kami non sa shop na pinag trabahuhan ko sa ate ni Mitch, birthday rin ng anak ng ate niya non kaya andun din family nila. i dunno kung nakwento ko na ‘to dito, (oo yata) before ako umalis nung gabing yun—Saturday. naprepare ko na pati uniform ko kasi balak ko sana dumeretcho ng work kinabukasan from there. as usual ang daming bilin ni mommy non, mag ingat, yung mga gamit ko etc. nilagyan niya pa ako ng bimpo sa likod hehe. sobrang good vibes din ng energy non sa bahay, humihingi pa sana ng kiss si papa para sakanila ni mommy bago ako umalis. pero I just shrugged it off kasi like hello, tanda ko na. ganon lang inisip ko non. napa ngisi lang si mommy nun sa reaction ko, pero ang peaceful din ng awra niya that night.

so nung nandun na kami sa venue, after few shots and kain, videoke and after maglublob sa pool, bigla akong nag decide na uuwi nalang ako. I dunno bakit bigla nagbago isip ko nun—premonitions siguro. around 12am nakauwi ako, gising pa si mommy, parang inaantay niya ako. then natulog na ko after. tapos yun na, kinabukasan mawawala na pala siya. pati si papa nun, hindi sumama sa outing ng mga kapitbahay namin, sabi niya nun gusto niya lang mag stay sa bahay. so wala yung mga tito at tita ko nun, ang nandito lang nun si papa, kapatid ko at yung pinsan kong nagpaiwan din.

umiyak lang ako nun kasi naalala ko yung sinasabi niya noon na kaya niya hanggang 80 years old. e 62 lang siya. yun lang yung first and last time na umiyak ako the moment I found out she's gone. tapos nung pag uwi ko sa bahay, nakatunganga lang sila, di alam gagawin. ako naman kumilos agad, sinamahan pa ako ni Anthonette—yung childhood friend ko—na maghanap ng isusuot ni mommy. ako lahat nag asikaso, kumuha ng death certificate niya, nag asikaso ng mga requirements ng funerarya para maiburol siya. hanggang sa mailibing, ako lahat naglakad, mabuti nga't kasama ko si J non.

kaya siguro di ako nagkaron ng time na magdalamhati dahil busy at ako rin nag eentertain ng mga bisita. parang pinipigil ko maiyak non kasi ayaw ko makita ng mga tao. baka sabihin nila ang ipokrita ko naman, e lagi nga kaming nag aaway noon, di ko rin siya masyadong naalagaan, feeling ko non wala akong nagawa for her nung nagkasakit siya. hanggang libing pinilit kong hindi maiyak, kahit nakita ko non yung kapatid kong lumuluha habang inaayos na yung pinaglagakan niya.

kaya ngayon siguro ako iyak ng iyak sa tuwing maaalala ko. iiyak siguro ulit ako sa New Year. parang si J last year nung nag bagong taon ako sakanila, sabi niya nalulungkot siya at namimiss niya yung ate niya. hay. ang lungkot, but life goes on.

[jezawitha-z]

Life has been really tough lately and idk if i can put it into words. Maraming ganap end ng month of July to mids of August and still trying on how I can share it to my tumblr blog. This kinda a long post and gusto ko balikan itong post one day na masaya, matatag, at lumalaban parin sa buhay.

My heart is full right now as I was able to spend time with the love of my life and his family. Nag church kami kasama parents nya this Sunday lang at di ko talaga napigilang umiyak nung inannounce na yung sa prayer intentions ba yun sa catholic mass. Pinalagay kasi ng mama nya kanina yung name ng mama ko and I was really emotional dahil naaalala ko na naman si nanay. It's been 3 weeks since my mom died and although I'm already coping, di parin talaga maiwasan.

Solid lang din talaga yung support ni bf at mama nya nung mga panahon na yun lalo na emotionally. Sinamahan nya ako magbantay kay nanay since hanggang Thursday lang pasok nya sa work. Yun yung time na nagkaroon ako ng tulog nung nandun na sya at the same time nakakakain na rin dahil walang gana kumain at walang tulog talaga. I'm really thankful din sa mga taong andyan talaga para sakin sa mga panahong akala ko hindi ko kakayanin.

From Cavite - Negros Occidental, naiuwi namin nanay ko dahil andun din talaga halos relatives namin sa side ng nanay ko at para makita na din ng mga kapatid ko for the last time. That was a really tough decision dahil sobrang daming bagay na need iconsider. We're not capable financially dahil ang laki ng gastos kung iuuwi si nanay through airplane man or barko tapos yung per night pa ni nanay sa punerarya.

We're almost in the conclusion of cremation at least yung ashes maiiuwi parin naman sa probinsya. But God is really good na maraming taong tumulong through prayers and financially dahil hanggang ngayon hindi ko maimagine paano namin nalikom yung ganung halaga bigla. Although may nautang din ako but without the help of others, di talaga kakayanin.

Yung bigat ng pakiramdam ko nung mga time na yun sobra sobra talaga. Andito ako sa Pampanga at si nanay naman nasa Cavite. Ako na walang kaalam alam paano mag commute pa Manila or papuntang Cavite pero with God's grace, talagang nagawa ko. Sasakay ng bus na iyak ng iyak, uuwi ng apartment sa Pampanga para umiyak din, babalik na naman ng Cavite another session na naman ng iyak lalo na kapag nakaka receive ako ng mga messages encouraging me to stay strong.

Laging sinasabi ng mama ni bf na for sure happy na rin si nanay sa mga ginawa ko. Malungkot man na for the last time sa mahabang panahon, na ngayon ko lang napakita kung gaano ko sya ka-mahal. My mother was also my best friend, napapagsabihan ko most of my ganap sa buhay dati. Pero may mga bagay na nagkakaconflict kami which leads us na di mag usap for 2 years.

Isinasantabi ko na lahat ng galit ko o tampo sa kanya. Since ako lang yung immediate family nya na andito sa city, halos sakin talaga lahat nakasalalay at bilang panganay na rin. And for the last time, kinausap ko sya and told her na di na ako galit at kahit anong mangyari naman nanay ko parin sya at mahal ko. I also asked for forgiveness because I wasn't a perfect daughter for her and made a decision not to talk to her for a long time. She knows na din naman siguro that I was also in pain sa mga naging desisyon nya that time. Pero nirerespeto ko na din naman yung naging desisyon nya dati kahit na ikakabroken family namin.

Kahit papaano happy na rin naman ako na nakita ko yung tatay ko na alam kong mahal na mahal nya parin si nanay. Although nung unang nalaman nya na wala na si nanay ay sobrang wala syang pake at puro galit or hatred naririnig from him. Pero later on, who would have thought na mag aabot din sya ng malaking halaga ng pera para pandagdag at pumayag din na sa bahay nya iburol si nanay na nung umpisa ayaw na ayaw nya talaga. Sinabihan ko rin naman sya na kahit sa huling pagkakataon nalang, at alam kong pinagsasabihan rin si tatay ng mga kapatid nya na tanggapin, at magpatawad. Nung kadating ng remains ni nanay sa Negros, umiiyak sya at nung mass din, iyak ng iyak din si tatay.

She died due to heart attack at sobrang nakakabigla dahil ang lakas nya lang tingnan, at ang bata pa ng nanay ko. Dahil nga dead on arrival ang nanay, inexplain naman ni Doc nung pina autopsy namin kung bakit nangyari.

And now, I'm already coping and to move forward para na din sa mga kapatid ko. Mahirap pala talaga maging panganay but at the same time, this is such an honor.

[benefits1986]

Quantum Jumpin’ Jumpin’ In Juno SZN

Bakit ba tayo napunta sa universe na ‘to? Pero sige pa. Inyo na kaibuturan ko, Google gods and goddesses. LOL. Ma, ikaw ba ‘yan talaga?  So ayun na nga. Ewan ko ba bakit napunta sa suggested content ko ‘tong QUANTUM JUMP na ‘to in the line of meditation and manifestation. Natatawa ako sa manifest mindset kasi, looking back, ang mega manifest mindset ko: mabreak ko ‘yung 8 years na life expectancy ni mother dragon. LOL. ‘Yun lang naman. Wala na akong pake sa 1 out of 700,000 chances kasi bobo naman ako sa Algebra at Trigo. Wala rin akong pake kung bobo ako sa math kasi that does not matter bilang + and - lang naman plus chemistry emerut ang kailangan sa gaming namin with GBS. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Evil and kawawa laugh ‘yan.  ‘Di ko syempre alam ‘yung concept ng QUANTUM JUMP pero dahil sa overactive imagination ko, nung sinabihan ako na depende sa quality of care ang laban sa GBS, sabi ko: I FUCKING GOT THIZZZ pero iyak-iyak ako habang naglalaba by hand ng comforter niya na na-soil niya. May washing machine naman kami, kaso ‘di kasya. Actually, ‘yung comforter na ‘yun hand me down din kasi wala naman kaming aircon. Nagkataon lang na comfy vibes ‘yung nanay ko sa comforter na ‘yun from the hospital to bahay. Ang hassle maglaba ng comforter. So, ginaya ko na lang ‘yung napanood ko sa Kdrama na gamit paa sa paglalaba. Mhie, ‘di pa rin nakakahappy. Pero sige lang. Kaya ko ‘to.  17 ako noon then dahil nga, magastos masyado ‘yung sakit ng nanay ko, kahit Dean’s List ako sa nursing (LOL), wala. OSY ang bagsak ko. OSY is out of school youth. Dun ko narealize na wala sa galing mo ‘yan sa school. Andami kong classmates na ‘di naman DL pero ‘di naman nag-stop. So, wala. Olats. Pero sumabak ako sa core ng nursing kahit puro basic subjects lang ako. Literal na CARE kung CARE tayo, mhie.  Honestly, marunong akong magtrabahong-bahay PERO nanay ko ang dakilang all-around housewife. Sabi pa niya noong wala pa siyang sakit dapat daw alam ko paano alagaan ‘yung sarili ko pero ‘wag na ‘wag daw akong papaalipin kung magaasawa ako. (Noted, ma. Noted with thanks ‘yan.) So, habang nagtatrabahong-bahay ako at may ulirat at may laban na siya, todo affirm naman sa akin na oks daw ako kumilos sa bahay kaso makalat ako. Sabi ko naman is sa dami ba naman ng task lists namin, pota, ayusin ko muna buhay niya bago ako magligpit. Isa lang katawan ko.  I visualized my mom and I in Disneyland. Naglalakad siya. Naka-Adidas sneakers. Naka-maong. Naka-shirt. Naka-lipstick na red. LOL. May panyo na favorite niya. May ring saka earrings na magka-match. Tapos, bibili kami ng pencil tapos uuwi kami ng masaya, nagaaway, nagaasaran.  QUANTUM JUMP session pala ‘yun. Wala akong pake sa Hong Kong. Takot din sumakay ng kahit anong sasakyan nanay ko. So, kamusta naman ‘yung eroplano ‘di ba? Wala rin kaming parehong passport. Pero, sabi ko noon, ‘pag natupad ‘yang napaka simpleng pangarap ko na ‘yan, ibig sabihin, WE’VE CHEATED DEATH big time. Ilang libong beses nag-replay sa utak ko ‘yung scene na ‘yan.  So, ayun na nga. Bawat birthday ko, wish ko, sana 1 more year pa for mother dragon. Kahit maging 20 years, naka-mindset na ako na nanay ko ang gravity ko. Grabe, teh. Attached na attached? LOL. Yes po. Opo. Guilty as charged talaga. She’s all I’ve got and in a way, all that she has is me, too. POTA KA, MHIE. We vibe that way. Sinabi ko na ‘to before. Ang mere reason why I can’t allow another Taurus in is because na-strike two na po tayo ng mga Taurus connections natin. Baka ‘di ko na kayanin ‘yung strike three at mag-strike out na talaga ako, literally and figuratively.  So. ganun pala. Nasobrahan tayo sa idea ng PARALLEL UNIVERSE even before na hype ulit ng Stranger Things. Looking back, nakakatawa, nakakainis, nakakabaliw (na naman). Siguro, dahil sobrang maldita ko saka gusto ko ng challenge. Gusto kong isaksak sa mga mukha nung mga doctors ng nanay ko na eto, o. Natawid namin. LOL. Natawid naman pero syempre, the parallel universe is utopia. In Tagalog, ulol, uwi ka na. Iyak ka na. Walang ganun.  Pero tinuloy ko pa rin kasi nga, wala namang masamang sumubok, sumabok. ‘Di bale na sumabog. Saka ko na inisip ‘yun kasi nga may pencil pa kaming iuuwi sa Pinas.  Ilang beses ko ring tinanong nanay ko na kelan nga ba siya makakabalik sa galawan niya as a fitness fanatic complete with 10K plus steps, very low fat, low sodium, low carbs, at iba pang fitness emerut na ‘di mahal. :D  Sinagot ba naman ako ng nanay kong magaling na tigilan ko na raw mga tanong kong walang sense. Hanggang doon na lang daw siya. Ako na lang daw bumili ng Samsonite na luggage at umalis ng Pinas para ‘di siya pangabala. Syempre, RBF ako pero ang sakit-sakit sakit-sakit.  QUANTUM JUMP. A blind leap of faith and keep the faith kahit na alam mo naman ang ending ng fate mo. Siguro, it’s time to revisit this and gives a good try in the light of AKO NAMAN, MHIE. ;) Let’s see. 

[iamnumeronine]

(여자)아이들 WORLD TOUR CONCERT [JUST ME ( ) IDLE] in MNL (part 2)

Going back, may MENT sila before the most awaited performance. They were asked aling part ng concert yung fvorite nila. Minnie said, yung LION, grabe daw hindi nya marinig yung sound sa in-ear nya kase sobrang lakas daw ng cheer namin. And hindi sya scripted kase she’s speaking from her mind, inisio nya pa nga tawag nya dun sa device sa tenga nya eh! Sobrang nakakaflatter po huhu. Ang lakas daw ng energy namin! The members agreed daw and sobrang amazed sila sa PH crowd na kahit mainit, eh ang loud namin.

Tapos describe daw PH in one word:

Minnie - H.O.T. HOT

Miyeon - Dreams Come True!

Yuqi - C.R.A.Z.Y. CRAZY!!

Shuhua - Happiness!!!

Pagod yarn? MENT before TOMBOY ❤️‍🔥

So ayun na nga going back, nag TOMBOY na. Shuta, naging karaoke! Ang sarap kantahin ng “YEAH IM FUCKING TOMBOY” nakakaliberate! Pag eto hindi naging SOTY mang aaway ako ng tao! Hahahha! It’s what it deserves! Tapos iyak iyak sila kunware kase towards the end na daw kami ng con huhuhu. Don’t be sad daw, sabi ni Yuqi, babalik daw sila for sure (yes pls yuqi i believe in you), dahil sa ngayon pa nga lang eh ganito na daw kami, what more sa next con. She will make sure na kasama kami next world tour again, besides, she’s the CEO of CUBE! HAHAHAHAH! AND sabi nya, we know her, she has one word daw so I hold on that thought my baby 💗

Ayun after ng tomboy, umalis na sila. So kami akala namin wala na . Pero di pa naman kase nag oopen ng lights. Tapos yung vcr walang sound 😂 how do i look yung last. Kainis walang sound, nasira yung moment. Tapos sigaw sigaw kami ng ENCORE ENCORE ENCORE (though alam naman talaga namin may 2 or 3 songs pa dapat… so there… we’re on the last quarter of the show…

ENCORE 💜

They sang I’m the trend muna and ang cute pala ng song na yun kase all gidle songs pala andun sa lyrics hehe. Ayun party mode ulet! Then another MENT before the last song. Huhuhu. Napatingin sila sa taas kase may project yung fandom hehe.

And to cap off the concert, yung ultimate last song is POLAROID 😭 di ko na din masyado navideo kase i was rooting sana for the maianot ang film camera pero di sila masyado nag interact, kaway kaway lang pero not bad na din hehe. Soyeon yung pinaka mahabang fanservice sa side namin. Also, nalunod kami sa confetti gagu HAHAHAHAHA sobrang dami di namin sila makita 😂

Confetti storm during polaroid hahahaha

Overall experience, 100/10. Talagang GIDLE lang yung nagdala. The group was very humble and yung energy nila from start to finish, wow, stable. I never saw them falter, their endurance is really amazing. And saludo ako sa work ethics nila grabe, hats off. All smiles nila feels so genuine hindi plastic. I can really feel na we connected. Miyeon was even smiling or CANNOT stop smiling and look contented (yung look na sobrang proud sya sa nakikita nya) even on serious songs kasi nga feeling ko the crowd’s energy make them feel fulfilled in a way. We all know naman na may anxiety din yang mga yan if the public will accept them BUT REST ASSURED GIDLE, PH NEVIES ARE ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU 💜 the vocals and dance, grabe, top notch! Wala talaga akong masabing flaw nila. Ramdam ko yung passion nila. Sa performance and connection with fans. I just wanna say something for Soyeon and Yuqi ( i love the rest of the members though! It’s just that i regret not SPEEAKING to them during the hello session (i fckinb just said hello literally haha pero later ulet).

To Soyeon…

You will always be the best leader of your generation. I can see why you love your group so much, because yall complement each other and all of them supports you and believes and trusts you. I know the weight upon you is so heavy but with your members, life has been more bearable for you. Keep doing what you want and i look forward to you and GIDLE’s projects, keep it up! Thank you capt. soyeon 💜

To Yuqi…

I don’t know where to start but thank you for just existing. I never knew what ive been looking before till i saw you. You are my happy pill. I love your philosophy coz it also makes me feel motivated. Remember that no matter what you are going through, YOU DID WELL YUQI! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! 💜

💜Hello Royalty Session💜

Here we are on our EXCLUSIVE PERK! First time ko eto so super excited! Akala namin pwede namin ivideo sarili namin pero bawal pala kahit yung friend namin so etong shot na to is stolen pa huhu.

Any ayan na nga! Before umakyat sa stage, i tried using my film camera. Shuta biglang nag flash! Buti na lang walang pumansin HAHAHAHA kundi baka napalayas ako dun huhu scared 😭😭😭 kinabahan talaga ako ng 20 times 😭 maaaan , acrylic board lang pagitan namin and we can go near sa kanila. Good thing na din walang bouncer sa tabi nila kaya sobrang saya, i took my time of course.

Pag aykat, si SHUHUAN AGAD OMG! SOBRANG PUTI as in I SAID SARANGHAE HUHU TAPOS OF COURSE EYE TO EYE CONTACT KAMI GAGU 😭 nag half heart ako then kumabit din sya huhuhu so happy! Same as with miyeon! Potekkkk sobrang ganda and parang mama mary pa din! Smiling face talaga si ate mo, AS in sobrang GANDA! pero ang bilis ko kay miyeon akse sabi nung korean ppali ppali 😂 pero nag heart din sya sakin. Huhuhu. Si minnie naman yung next kaya POTEK ANG LIIT NG MUKHA HUHUHUHU tapos all smiles sya then nag heart ako tapos naka hi five sya ahahha tapos nung nag heart sya naka high five naman ako GAGU AHAHAHHA JOKE TIME TALAGA KAY MINNIE. PERO YUNG NGA PPALI PPALI NA NAMAN so di ko namalayan na kay YUQI NA AKO HUHUHUHUHU gusto kong atakihin sa puso, i created enough GAP para masolo ko sya ng mga 5 seconds huhu nag hi five ako sa acrylic huhu then she did that as well. Tapos nag BIG HEART AKO SA ULO THEN GINAYA NYA OMG. THEN EYE TO EYE YUNG SMILE NYA AAAAAAH yung iconic puppy smile nya shet ang precious 😭😭😭😭😭 baby i love you so much! Edi panira na naman yung korean ppali ppali and im down with soyeon naman! Sya na mismo nag hi sa akin kase ang tagal ko daw, alam nya sigurong nagtagal ako kay yuqi, nag heart and appear din ako kay Soyeon hhuhuhu sobrang bait! And shocks gusto kong umiyak after the session! Really life changing and surreal 😭 i will never forget this moment forever young huhuhuhu!

Again…

THANK YOU (G)-IDLE! 💜 I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART! THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME HAPPY 😭😭😭

[amorpowerss]

Just a life update... and birthday blues.

Yoooo. It's been months. Sabi ko regular na akong magb-blog ulit just like good old days, but I had covid, I've been busy, al though I'm thankful because there are still a lot of projects, events (na na-move and I think it's really meant for me because it didn't happened during my quarantine days lol), more offers, still have food to eat, can still provide for my family, myself and my lovie doggo, then I'm all good.

I'm still recovering, my mental health, my body, (also my finances!!! lol). But you know, I have a lot of things to do in my mind.

Lately, I have already decided to enter graduate school this year. Sabi ko, if I had a chance, Lord, please give me a sign. Two of my friends are already enrolled. Kuya Mond, messaged me and then boom. Masters in Communication happened.

I also took my first session in life coaching. Grabe yung iyak and gaan ng loob right after. Filtered pa rin, but at least. It helped me.

Dami ko pang gustong gawin. But I feel so pressured right now. I don't know, wala naman dapat ika-pressure because everything is just in place... I mean, so far?

And then I realized, I am turning 22 na early next month. Wuw self, maca-caption ko na yung sinabi ng idol ko, "I don't know 'bout you, but I'm feeling 22."

Kaya siguro may existential crisis ako lately, birthday blues.

When I reach that real soon, I promise myself to let go of the things that keeps on holding me back. May it be self issues, family problems, old friends or past relationships.

There are a lot of things to appreciate and to look forward.

It might be hard but I know I can do it.

I should.

And in the next chapter of my life, I know I'm already a young adult.

I need to take care of things I'm involved with and also in my surroundings.

I hope soon I can decide for myself without hesitations.

I hope I can be happy at some point.

And I hope (soooon) someone would make me feel that I am important, and loved.

Can't wait for another life adventures.

[patricia-ella]

She thought she could so she did.

I never thought to be in this position where I am right now requires a lot of hardwork and patience. Dati, during elem & hs days, nakakapasa kahit konti lang ang review. Consistent honor student, minsan may bonus pang awards. But then college came, and boom! Nawala na lang bigla yun.

I always share my story regarding college entrance exam. Isa sa pinakamemorable sa buhay ko, you'll never know what will happen next. I applied sa alma mater ni kuya. I got my hopes really high kasi nakapasok sya without any sweat. As in sobrang smooth, dire-diretso, walang problema. So dun ako nag-apply. Hindi na ko nag-apply sa ibang university since feel na feel ko papasa ako. I remember sa College of Engineer pa ko. Malawak, maaliwas, malamig tsaka ang ganda nung place. Pero sadly di yun nakatulong, I failed daw. I asked my mom, lola, brother and even my friends to find my name there. Pero wala talaga kahit waiting list. First heartbreak ko ever. So I asked my mom what to do. Maghanap daw kami ng iba. So ang lola mo kahit pababa na ang fighting spirit gorabels pa din.

I applied sa isang institute sa Manila. Mostly electronics ang expertise nila, tapos makakaroon daw ako ng scholarship, walang tuition tapos sagot pa yung expenses ko related sa school. Lumuwas kami pa-Manila, i took the exam. It was really hard especially the abstract thingy, inikot ikot ko na yung paper para may maisagot plus may essay pa. Nadrained ako after non, and feeling ko wala talaga kasi konti lang daw pumapasa don. Sabi ko nga kay mommy nun wag na tayong umasa. (Lol hugot) Sad. While waiting for the results, my mom insisted me na mag-apply sa PUP-Sta. Maria. As far as I can remember, I have this classmate nung 4thyr highschool, nag-apply siya sa PUP and my classmates were all making fun of him that is why no one knows I applied for entrance exam there, even my friends. Pero alam kong last resort ko na yun, di kami mayaman tsaka my parents can't support me if sa Manila ako mag-aaral. I remember last day ng application ako nagpasa, daming tao noon. Buti nakahabol pa kami. Nag-entrance exam na, afternoon session ako. March 17, 2012. Si Sir Enerio at Maam Galang ang nagbabantay. First row, 2nd seat from right. Mainit dahil summer na. I try to answer the questions kahit yung katabi ko natutulog na lang, wala pang sulat yung scratch paper nya. Pinagpasa-Diyos ko na ang lahat. Kahit ano na lang kako, magtethank you na lang ako.  Edi waiting game na. One day, lumabas na ang results nung inapplyan ko sa manila, nasa website nila naka-pdf. I was so shocked andun name ko. 10 lang kaming pumasa yet almost 40 yung nagtake. Wow just wow. We were given dates for the interview, di ako pumunta. My tito (who was an engineer) told me that I should grab the opportunity. But I think hindi ko talaga specialization ang electronics/engineer. Hindi ko feel. And wala pa talaga akong balak na course na kunin. Ewan, masyado akong sabaw ng mga panahon na yon. Lol. Idk but there is a force from PUP saying wag muna. So nanganib na naman ang lola mo. Ang daming what ifs. Ano next step pag di pumasa? Iiyak na ba ko? Double kill na to?

Nagtext ulit yung sa institute, sabi we were given chances again for the interview. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, eto na ba? Dito na ba? 3 days yun eh (parang sale lang lol) pinalampas ko yung first day. Nung second day na, bandang hapon, may nagtext sakin ng "Congrats!". And I was like whaaaat happened. Di naman ako sumali sa raffle, or any other contest. Eh wala pa kong load nun, so I immediately run para makapagpaload (student probs) And pagbalik ko ng bahay, my brother was smiling widely while saying "Ate, pumasa ka daw sa PUP. Top ***!" And then I die.

Lol!! Ang saya sa feeling, after mong madapa, bibigyan ka ng blessing. Sobrang saya ko nun (kaya di ko na naisip yung school sa manila lol). So eto na, PUP na talaga ako. Sabi ko baka dito talaga ako nakatadhana. Nasolve ko na yung first problem ko : What school? Next yung pinaka mahirap sa lahat: What course?

Mostly ng mga dati kong classmates na kasama ko din sa PUP were taking Accountancy, yung iba IT, HRM, Engineer, Entrep. That time, ang naiisip ko Fine Arts (medyo bet ko magdrawing dati) kaso walang course na ganon sa PUP. My mom wanted me to take either Accountancy or Engineer. Pero just like what I said di ko nakikita ang future ko sa engineer. So I had to choose Acctncy, kahit papano may background naman ako ng hs kami. First year, ambilis ng mga pangyayari. Nakakapasa naman kasi konti lang mag-aral. So medyo chillax. Second year, my mom gone abroad kasi graduating na si kuya and mag-high school na si bunso kaya she had no choice but to leave, medyo broken ako nun kasi I'm the only girl in the family. Third year, lahat ng major subjects andyan na, halos lahat na lang may kailangan gawin. Pero never susuko kahit mahirap, andyan ka na, isang taon na lang, yan ang sinasabi ko. Fourth year, hindi mawawala ang thesis. Leader pa ko. Like asdfghjkl! But naitawid kahit papano. And then evals came. 8 exams/subjects every month itatake namin sa main campus. Maraming nauudlot na pangarap dahil dito kasi this is the make or break decision kung gagraduate ka or not. So in preparation nagreview kami, almost every day group study, photocopy ng handouts, exams, attend ng review classes. But when the list of graduates came, 10 lang daw ang pumasa out of 35, sadly wala ang name ko. Pero may chance pa ulit, removals exam. I took 5 exams for that. 1 week ang preparation for that so I find all important resources. Sabi ko kailangang makapagmartsa ako. Sayang ang effort ko at specially my family. I passed 4/5 exams. Masaya na malungkot kasi I passed almost ALL of the subjects except 1. So nagtanong tanong kami kung anong pwedeng gawin. Pabalik balik kami from bulacan to manila for that. Pero ayaw nila. Mukhang final decision na. I talk to my dad sabi ko parang wala na. And then sabi nya okay lang ginawa mo naman yung best mo diba. I finally I talked to my mom, I send her a message saying na I'm not gonna be graduating on time. She replied that its okay we will still support you on whatever you do. So that is when I cried hard. For the first time.

From then, kahit hinang-hina na ko, tinatagan ko na lang. Puso kumbaga. Nagdorm kami coz may class kami ng 6-9pm. Ambilis lang since summer class ang need kong itake. Finally napasa ko naman. But we were not be able to graduate in April, almost June na kasi natapos ang summer class so mid-year na lang. So 6 months tengga. Gusto ko mag-work pero ang need nila yung nakapagmartsa na. Kaya bakasyon muna ang lola mo. Lahat ng hindi ko nagawa (i think so) uring college days ginawa ko. K-dramas. Youtube. Social Media. Pati pakikilay. Yas! This is life.

November start ng review class. December ang grad. Ayon after 4.5 years grumaduate din. So start na ng review. I give my all, nagsunog ng kilay, nagpray ng sobra (novena pa), nagpagod ng sobra. (CPA kemerut, another post) Then eto na, after all the iyak, disappointment, failures, sacrifices, CPA na kooooo! Yesh mga beshies. Last May 2017 CPALE. I will always be grateful sa lahat ng taong tumulong, nagdasal, nagpagod para dito. Hindi lang ako ang naging CPA, kayo din :) Thank you din kay Lord!

Sa mga nagsstruggle, wag mawalan ng pag-asa. Remember, Philippians 4:13 

C-hrist P-rayers A-ctions

[callmeprats]

The 10-peso dare

Dahil supportive ang mga dormmates ko sa'kin, hindi kami gumawa ng thesis kagabi. Hahaha. We watched 2 movies in one night. O di 'ba? Parang ang dami-dami naming time para magchill, e next saturday na yung pre-defense namin 😂 So anyway, ayun nga, right after ng nangyari, imbes na magdinner na kami, nanood muna kami ng "Barcelona". Di ko na kasi masyadong feel KathNiel ngayon e, tska di ako na-move nung movie. It was my first time to actually see it tapos di ko pa nga napanood ng buo kasi dumating sina Chan-chan tapos andun din si crush. At nakakainis hahahaha. Sa twing heart broken ako tsaka siya sumusulpot. 😂 Anyway, after ng first movie, tska palang kami nagdinner. 11:30 bes, dinner? Hahaha. Tapos siyempre hindi naman pwede na magsitulog kami agad kasi nga baka bangungutin naman kami. So we decided to watch another one. Tapos bumili kami ng ice cream. Kumbaga sa ibang magbabarkada, inuman session yung kanila, sa'min sa room, ice cream night. At nakakatuwa kasi nagiging malalim yung samahan namin ng mga kagrupo ko dahil sa ice cream. Huhu 💕 The next movie was "That thing called Tadhana". I saw it few times. Una ata nung kabi break lang din namin ni James. Hahaha. Sobrang feels non. At nakakatawa kasi eto na naman 😂 Pero nakakatawa din kasi imbis na ako yung umiyak sa mga movies, sina Alyssa at Elerie yung sobra yung iyak. Hahaha. Tapos may isang scene sa that thing na magbabayad si Mace ng 100 every time na maaalala o mababanggit niya yung ex niya. At bwisit na mga kagrupo ko, dinare din nila sa'kin yon. 10 pesos each time na maaalala, mababanggit at iiyakan ko yung ex ko then sila din kapag sila naman yung nagpaalala. Pero baka dito na 'ko mamulubi lalo. Hahaha. E kasi naman, ako yung taong naaalala ko talaga kahit maliliit na bagay lalo na sa taong minahal ko. Almost 2 years bes, ano ba. 😂 Pero yun nga, sabi nila, atleast, maiiwasan ko na. Na marerefrain ko na talaga yung sarili ko sa pag-iisip sa kanya. It will be a good start for me. Good thing, sa monday pa yung effectivity ng dare namin. Enough naman na daw siguro yung 3 days na hangover ko sa nangyari para pagdating ng monday, wala na. Bait nila no? Haha. Love you guys 💕😘

[benefits1986]

Underdogs United

This is a draft aotm. Will get back to this after today. LOL.  When two alpha males unite, here’s what you get. :D I have very mixed feelings about Gary Vee ever since I saw his stuff some ten years back. Saw him first from a good number of sessions & pakak discussions with my OG start up tatay HAHAHAHAHAHA.  My first two cents: Digital is but another fucking mythical male-dominated world, after all. Women are muted but I am hanging on to the possibility that women will eventually come around. We always do. We ought to. And at present, the future is female. The future is now. OPAK. Kapit lungs. I-kegel mo ‘yan, mhie. Sagad mo.  Perhaps, this is where I get my mantra which will be put to extreme test. “May bayag kayo. Ulo n’yo dalawa pa. Partida. Ako wala. Kaya tumabi kayo. Ako na. Ako naman.” In love and light ito na now, though as opposed to my then-fucked up radical feminist days and nights.  Funny how someone told me that I really strike him as an “all-girls school” girl. And that I remind him of his daughter a lot. Tawang-tawa pa siya. Sabi ko, is that a compliment or a critique? Sabi niya, compliment. Sabi ko, handa ba siyang maging ganito buhay and vibe ng anak niya. Sabi niya, ready naman daw siya. HAHAHAHAHA. Shemay. Isa lang akong hamak na student assistant and 4 years lang po akong nakikipamuhay sa mga elitista. Pilit na pilit lang ako to be honest kasi alam ko sa kaibuturan ko, I bleed in maroon kaso mother dragon cancelled me out. Sabi niya, dream daw niya all-girls. So, sige. FUCK. Iyo na pangarap mo. Tangkehin ko na kahit ayoko talaga. I remember seeing her kinda teared up nung nakasuot na ako ng fucking uniform with pointed high heels. Very good daw. Looks good on me. Ako naman, bakit kasi ang panget ng uniform? Bakit may uniform to begin with? But, sige, ma. Galingan mong magpagaling para matapos na ‘tong shit na ‘to. Kahit na ang hirap talaga kasi I never felt I fit in sa 4 years ko doon. :D Lagi akong may what if beyond The White Walls. Ganyan ko kamahal nanay kong Taurus kahit sobrang UGHHHHHHH every fucking day.  Don’t get me wrong. My run has been a good one. Inisip ko na lang since all-girls, level ang playing field kaso nakakamiss makipagtunggali sa mga XY. In fairness naman, dahil nga I want to give back sa paraang alam ko, extra active tayo sa extra-curricular stuff basta walang masyadong gastos. Effort lang baon ko saka pangaral at mega push ng nanay kong weirdo.  Even my OG marketing dad asked me if I am all-girls through and through tapos when I answered NO, nagulat siya. Parang may loyalty award daw kasi ako sa tingin niya. Sabi ko, tigil siya. UGH. Weird talaga. I feel I am so kanal and masa kasi so, ayun.  If there’s one thing I like about Gary Vee, it’s his underdog mentality and his triple down approach to confidence. Iba. Tabi. Giba. Wala talaga siyang pake. Siguro, espiritu ng pinisat ng mga grapes. Very graphic pa. LOLOLLOL.  The first time I came across this session with Steven, tawang-tawa ako. As in. Let me get back to this after today. Very IYKYK x iyak pa e. This deserves a deep dive. Or maybe not. LOL.  Tawang-tawa ako sa tatay ko because he was tuned in pala when I was listening to the podcast very early in the morning. LOL. I thought he was still asleep. He noted why the heck Gary’s voice is like that and how he seems to know too much. :D Sabi ko, dad, kalma. Kalmahan mo lang.