#another chunk off the analysis. I promise it's coming

[givehimthemedicine]

El's protectiveness and friendships in the lab

wanted to take a minute to appreciate that El's protectiveness isn't a character trait that only emerges post-lab. she's always been that way [assuming, for this post, that NINA stuff more or less happened]; it just couldn't always present in a way that looks badass on a poster.

El and Eighteen

only crumbs here, but if I have to point out a lab kid that El is friendlier with than the others, it's Eighteen.

El holding Eighteen's hand is the only affectionate act I've ever noticed between any of the lab kids, and offering that comfort to her littlest sister is probably as "protective" as El can afford to be (esp as an eight year old with the least power and social standing of anyone).

when the kids in general laugh at El for failing at the light game, Eighteen is not one of the kids shown doing so.

Eighteen is the first dead child El is shown to be upset about. it's not that she looks more distressed about her than the others, but it's odd that she saw Ten dead on the floor next to Brenner a second before this and didn't really react. (maybe she couldn't tell Ten was dead from the doorway? idk)

maybe an El/Eighteen friendship is cornplating or whatever the youths are calling it, but bearing in mind that we're never actually told that El/Eight had some super close friendship, maybe theirs looked something like this.

side note - are friendships even permitted in the lab?

letting the kids form friendships could be dangerous, as Brenner, couldn't it? risks them forming alliances against you? this is why I was asking the other day if socializing seems discouraged in the RR. like, even the bullies, who were "friends," never chatted openly in there unless the cameras were off. maybe any lab friendships have to be hush hush by nature.

anyway idk there's just something about us going "🤯 same numbers!!!" upon seeing the 001 / 011 tattoos, and then 008 + 018 being the only other kids El is hinted at being friendly with... why are we reusing the same pattern? 001 / 008 / 011 / 018 just happen to be every combination of those three numbers within the number of available children.

especially with El "being 8" (as in, years old) at this time. it's giving Henry, 12 / mother of 5. idk where I'm going with that but I'm squinting. Eighteen, you're not some bizarro Little Eight who has an inverted friendship with Big El, right?

El lashing out in the lab

we're shown repeatedly that El hates seeing people get hurt, but multiple times onscreen (and you know innumerable times off) she witnesses severe abuse to her siblings, and we never see her act in their defense like post-lab El would. of course, that's because she realistically can't. we know trying to help anyone in the lab accomplishes little except getting both people in trouble. but I was thinking about how we DO see El lash out for her own sake in 1983. so what's the takeaway? El cares more about protecting herself than others? nah. let's look at the other guard killing scene (again. assuming this really happened):

when similarly cornered in 1979, El's immediate response is silent surrender.

why is her behavior so different? because she's weak? too scared / well controlled? too nice to kill? all those factors have already been established as non-issues in this moment. (she does have her powers here; the circle game proved that Brenner can't control El and knows it; killing when cornered is canonically within her nature)

you might think having a staff member on her side would make her more defiant, but instead she's more compliant here than in '83 (either time. even in the non-guard-killing flashback, El screams and struggles the whole way.)

El and One

he's the difference. she doesn't know he's her brother or has powers yet, but he has presented himself as a fellow prisoner rather than someone in a position of authority. she's also already seen him get punished because of her.

as far as El knows right here, if she lashes out - whether she then escapes successfully or not - she'd be bringing SEVERE punishment onto a nice guy who can't defend himself or escape.

she has a chance at freedom, the power to kill, and the escape route all planned out, but she doesn't do it. the thing that's not in her nature is abandoning a friend to God-knows-what punishment on her behalf.

so while One killing the guards is an act of protection to El, it's also a massive act of protection to One that El is ready to throw out the whole plan right here. don't miss it just because it's not the classic El-screamy-hand thing.

she's sacrificing her chance at freedom in hopes of slightly mitigating his punishment. (they're both doomed to very bad punishment upon capture right here, but if she escapes I think he'd get punished even worse. so she's choosing to share in pretty bad punishment over him being punished extremely severely and her not at all.)

even aside from punishment, she knows she'll be returning to an even worse home life than the one she believed necessitated her immediate escape (Brenner apparently arranging for her to be killed).

so here, can she afford to act out not only because she's acting alone, but because she's an only child, so to speak? there's no one else who could potentially suffer as a result of her actions. no other siblings to use as leverage. no one to protect.

whatever consequences Brenner carried El off to after killing those orderlies, she bore it alone.

I can sorta read this as protective of the other kids in general - not that she did it, but that she didn't until now.

am I saying Brenner might have randomly punished other kids as a result of something El did?

have you met the guy? definitely would've threatened it, might've actually done it. manipulation by whatever means necessary.

when you work in a building full of superpowered people who hate you, you gotta control them psychologically, because physical control isn't something you can maintain for long. it's imperative that they're more afraid of the consequences of kicking your ass than they are of whatever torture you're putting them through. emotional manipulation using friends and innocents as pawns is a classic move. (another reason the kids might want to keep lab friendships secret even if they're allowed.)

that's not theory - we've seen Brenner use this tactic onscreen, telling El that he'll have Owens killed if she tries to get to him. he knows he can't physically control her, so he exerts psychological control by placing Owens' blood on El's hands to get her to cooperate.

the phrase "blood on one's hands" means being responsible for deaths, not having literally, personally committed murder. this imagery is used onscreen to denote El's sense of guilt about the massacre well before she comes to the conclusion that she actually did it. (this could be symbolism that El's mind organically dreamed up instead of engineered fuckery, but who knows. we have no textual explanation yet for how her hands would be that bloody).

and together with Brenner very textually using the kids against each other in other ways - having them literally duel each other in the circle game, but also the "driving them to do exactly what he wants" stuff - I don't think it's unreasonable to figure that fear of harm to the other kids was a manipulation tactic used in the lab.

that definitely includes One - lines like "I'm not going with you / if he finds me he will find you" "I wanted to help you, but I only made things worse" smack of a guy kept in line by fear of something happening to the kids.

and the Brenner-orchestrating-El's-murder story smells like a psyop. is this just Brenner wanting One to think harm would come to El as a consequence of his actions? (she became "uncontrollable" as a result of his coaching). El is too valuable an asset to actually kill. who would know better than One that the treatment for being uncontrollable is soteria, not death? assuming One is being truthful, why would he not see through that. idek what I think is going on here anymore

anyway. MKUltra is ALL about manipulation but I'll talk more about that in my other post

times El protects her friends the same way she protected One

practically every move El makes is about protecting her friends but I want to point out a few times that are specifically reminiscent of her protection of One, where she's ready to give up her freedom to protect her friends even at risk of the worst case scenario (going back to the lab):

sacrificing herself to protect the party from the demogorgon ("no more") <- is that line in reference to the 6 people the demogorgon has snatched, or is that a massacre reference given how incredibly parallel these scenes are. I'm not sure whether "goodbye Mike" meant she thought she'd die or just get so wiped out that she'd be easily recaptured by the lab

leaving Kali and "freedom" to return to Hawkins and protect her friends, where she volunteers to go back into the lab to close the gate

leaving Cali and "freedom" to return to the lab to get her powers back to protect her friends

final thought: I just had a chuckle with myself at the fact that iirc it's Mike and Nancy whose lives El has individually, directly saved the most times.

[honorable mention for Max because I don't know how to quantify 4x9. is that like one massive save?]

like, Mike, okay, but why the Nancy emphasis when she and El have basically zero onscreen relationship. (actually I have a lot to say about El and Nancy coming up soon that might add context)

idk.. lab sibling guilt smth smth El protecting Nancy "she'll be like your new sister" and Mike "will you be like my brother" Creeler. you gotta love it

[charles-leclerc-official]

2024 Australian Grand Prix Race Analysis

Here is my Australian Grand Prix full race analysis, this got long because there was a lot to cover, table of contents below detailing the order of the post. 

Table of Contents Ferrari – Carlos: his race – Charles: his car setup and race – In depth data analysis Mercedes  – Lewis DNF  – George: his crash and his race – Fernando penalty Red Bull – Max DNF – Checo: his race  Mclaren  VCARB  – Yuki: his race – Yuki vs Daniel pace analysis Haas Stake Williams

Ferrari

Ferrari had Carlos starting at P2 and Charles starting P4. Right away Carlos went for the overtake on Max in the first few laps, and this is when he took the lead of the race.

Carlos finished P1 and Charles finished P2 for a Ferrari 1-2! 

Charles also got the fastest lap on lap 56 so Ferrari took all possible points this weekend.

Ferrari strategy: The Ferrari strategy was good. Full stop. I have seen a lot of takes on this and I want to put them to bed. 

Carlos was ahead, he qualified better and did take the lead. 

Charles was doing well, HOWEVER his pace especially on those mediums at the start of the race was off(due to the dirty air combined with heat). His car setup was not maximized for the race and we knew that already from qualifying. His tyres also cooked in the dirty air he was dealing with from Lando and Oscar in those early laps. This is where he lost a chunk of time. 

So with a car at the lead of the race and another being strong but statistically off the pace Ferrari made the choice to back the leading car.

The pit stops were timed perfectly. They avoided the undercut from Mclaren and kept both drivers on tyres they could push on when it counted(especially for Charles).

This was really exactly what Ferrari should have done given the circumstances of this particular race and the placement of their drivers. 

This race was not a repeat of Silverstone 2022. In fact quite the opposite. This really is promising for what Fred and the team can do the rest of the season strategy-wise. 

Carlos

Started P2 and finished in P1. As his first race coming off surgery that is to be commended and I would say that this was easily his best race(where he won at least). 

His overtake on Max wasn’t as impressive as it’s being hyped, because Max’s brake problem was already present(this is seen on telemetry) so I wouldn’t really say it’s that impressive, he would have had the lead anyway after Max DNFed.

I don’t really have a ton to add, it was a clean race, once he was ahead he kept the lead for the rest of the race and didn’t have to fight any other cars.

I want to dispel some narratives forming around Carlos' win:

“It was a gifted win”: No, Carlos qualified P2, he did overtake, and he finished the race, and the team supported him normally. Nothing was given to him. Was he lucky and in the right place at the right time? Yes, but that isn’t a gifted win. 

“Carlos ended Max Verstappen’s streak” : this makes it sound like he beat Max. And that just isn’t true. He overtook Max who was already having serious brake issues, and the reason Max lost/DNFed had nothing to do with Carlos’ driving. Carlos won, no reason to say it like this to try to make it sound better.

Charles

His race was decided in qualifying, and he knew it. It was confirmed after he did his first stint behind Lando. 

The Car Setup

First we need to talk about Charles car setup because it set the tone for the rest of the weekend:

For FP3 the team made adjustments to the balance of Charles’ car. This was done because while he was very fast during FP2 and FP1 he was losing time each lap to Max on turns 9 and 10. He was losing grip and that was costing time. While this wasn’t a concern for free practice this kind of thing would have potentially had much greater effects on race day. So changes were made to try to improve the grip.

Unfortunately they didn’t get these adjustments right. And in FP3 Charles had worse grip, which he noted. To compensate for the adjustment Charles and his team went for a very aggressive balance adjustment to the front wing of his car for qualifying. This was too extreme, and it ended up impeding his performance in qualifying. This was once again an over-correction and this is what cost him in qualifying. 

(It is also worth noting that in FP3 he set that fastest lap on the softs, which were not used during the race due to heat)

I say all this that while many were claiming Ferrari are not helping Charles and they were ruining his race, this suggests the opposite. In fact Ferrari were more focused on getting Charles’ car tuned to be more competitive against Max. Did they mess that up? Yes. I think a combination of over-correcting the issue and the hotter track temps contributed to this. However all of these factors do suggest that Ferrari is more focused on getting Charles dialed in to take Max. Even though this weekend's outcome might not feel like it reflects that, I think we will be very pleased when they do come through. And I fully believe that Ferrari will be able to do that for Charles this season. 

[Charles = Red Max = Blue Carlos = White]

Charles knew his race was decided in qualifying. He said as much, that it basically meant he wasn’t going to be able to push for the win(he meant against Max but I still think this statement stands) So he started further back and the balance and thus grip issues followed Charles on that first stint of the medium tyres and the second on the hards. 

Charles started P4 behind Lando Norris. And once again, this is when the way his race was managed was determined. He was in dirty air on that first stint, and well into the second stint. This is when it became clear that he was not going to be contending for the win to the team. So they made strategy calls accordingly.

On the second set of hards he did pick up the pace, made headway closing the gap to Carlos and got the fastest lap. 

His pace was off Carlos at the beginning of the race but by the end he was matching and surpassing it.

I want to dispel some narratives and misinformation being spread about Charles’ race and his car:

“The cooling duct replacement is why his car was off” : No, that cooling duct did not affect his performance this race. The car would have behaved differently if that had caused the pace issue. In fact the cooling duct probably helped him in this race overall. Not all parts replacements are bad, so don’t buy into narratives set by people who know nothing about the mechanical functions of these parts. 

“Charles didn't fight '' : again wrong. It was clear within those first ten laps he didn't have the pace with the dirty air he was in. Yes he picked up time at the end but that was too late. Charles knows all this, he knew which is why it was good to follow team orders and maximize points for himself and the team.

Furthermore he did fight. At the end of the race when he had the new hards he was closing the gap, he made some progress at that. If he'd had clean air earlier in the race he would have been able to push more. But at the end you could see him closing the gap, he just didn't have enough remaining laps to get close enough to Carlos. I do believe that at the pace he was going if Charles had 10 more laps he would have caught Carlos.

“P2 is bad” (for some reason?): P2 isn't bad, that’s a podium and a bunch of points. 

“They changed Charles' car!”: Charles had direct input into his car setup. The team didn't just change it on him without his knowledge or input, or without the need for it.

“Charles was faster” : yes and no. At the beginning Charles was not faster than Carlos. On average he was roughly four tenths off Carlos. However the race was pretty much decided by the time he did find the pace. Those last 10 or so laps were great. He was shaving off time with each lap and he ended up getting the fastest lap of the race! In fact he was faster than Carlos once he got into the clean air. So yes Charles was fast and on the last stint he was faster. But as a whole for this race his pace was on average 4 tenths off Carlos (which is very good, that is a close margin between the cars and looks promising for the SF-24 overall) It really just came down once again to that starting grid placement.

“Charles should have defied team orders” or “Team orders screwed Charles over”: again no. Most of the time it is good for a driver to follow team orders. Even if he had defied team orders I don’t think the outcome of the race would have been any different. He started too far behind Carlos, by the time he was out of dirty air Carlos was too far ahead. 

“Melbourne is his strongest track” : nope. Charles has said himself that this isn't his strongest track. People think this because of his grand slam, however that was an exception not the rule. 

I also want to address the idea that they should have made Charles and Carlos switch. It’s insane to expect a team to ask a driver who is in first and having no issues to swap with his teammate. Especially with such a large gap between them. That is so far outside of what would be considered acceptable. I understand the urge to want your favorite to get everything(I grit my teeth as I type this because yes I wanted this too), but I don’t even think Charles would want a win like that. 

Charles is smart. He knows race strategy. He knew right away what the call would be given where he was. If he'd had the pace and positioning to fight for P1 he would have told the team. He already knew his race wasn’t optimized during quali, that’s why he went with the Ferrari strategy. 

The performance this weekend falls mostly on Ferrari for not maximizing the setup configuration of Charles’ car. Also just some bad luck and track conditions. In spite of all that Charles ran a great race that put him in P2 in the WDC.

Finally, remember it’s important to know when you can and should fight. Charles is smart, he knows based on his car and conditions when he can fight. Expecting someone to fight regardless of the conditions being optimal for it is just not realistic, and it doesn’t really lead to good outcomes. 

Charles isn't perfect. Dialing a car for your driving style on a particular track is hard and sometimes you get it wrong, especially when there are last minute changes(which I will repeat were needed). We've seen this before with many many teams.

He got the fastest lap on used hards, and he took P2 for a clean Ferrari 1-2 and that is what we love to see. In fact his was the more impressive performance overall as far as on track driving goes in a Ferrari this weekend. 

Charles is fast, and he will be fighting again in future races. 

Comparing Charles' and Carlos' pace

So now we are going to look at some telemetry that reflects the story of the race as I have told it. Going over some details of note.

Comparing fastest lap: Charles to Carlos

Comparing Charles and Carlos full race pace

You can see that once Charles got clean air he was matching Carlos pace at worst and beating it at best. He was pushing those last few laps for some real speed. The first ten laps where Charles had the most dirty air to contend with were his worst. The switch to the hards helped with this. Once he was on fresh hards in the final 24 laps he was matching Carlos pace or beating it.

Carlos also lost most of his time at turn 10(especially compared to Max) and also turn 6. So we know his car was having the same problem, but nothing was done to try to maximize. It may be he didn’t want to change any more settings, or Ferrari really did give priority to Charles in this regard, it’s impossible to say. But both cars had this problem. 

The big focus of the weekend was trying to gain pace and work out the issues on turn 10. In this way Charles actually did get priority with Ferrari trying to get it figured out for his car. 

I also don’t think that Ferrari struggling with the car setup for Charles is indicative of anything very concerning. Multiple other teams had issues managing grip and getting car settings right for track conditions (Red Bull being the prime example) So it doesn’t look like they were uniquely struggling in this area.

This race did show us that the SF-24 is a good base to work with and is firmly ahead of the rest of the field with the potential to give Red Bull some trouble. 

Anyway I know that was long but I wanted to leave no doubt about what happened and to show the proof.

Mercedes

Mercedes as a whole had the worst weekend of any team. With Lewis' DNF due to engine failure, and George's DNF due to the reckless actions of another driver. This weekend’s result definitely isn’t either driver’s fault.

Lewis

Lewis had to retire after his car suffered an engine failure. The W15 has not been living up to expectations. Not much else to say, clearly not his fault and that car has been giving him trouble all season so far. It is very much a case of it's the car's fault not the driver's. 

George

Content warning I will be discussing his crash on lap 58 in detail.

George had a decent race. He was ahead of his teammate at the start and he was chasing down cars. 

On lap 58 George crashed out, he lost the rear of the car, went into the gravel and that caused one of the tyres to catch, sliding under the car enough to flip it sideways. The car came to a stop in the middle of the track just after turn 6.

A yellow flag and virtual safety car was deployed. 

George called repeatedly for a red flag, stating that he was in the middle of the track. He was clearly scared and terrified he might be hit at any moment.

Fernando Alonso: The reason George lost control is because he was behind Fernando, who going into turn 6 slowed unusually, causing George to have to drive erratically as a response. This “brake check” is what caused George's crash.  The stewards investigated after the race and issued a 3 place grid penalty to Fernando.  Now I am not going to speculate too much on if Fernando did this brake check on purpose or if it was - as he claim - due to a throttle issue he was having. He either drove recklessly, or maliciously(or some combination of both), either way it is deserving of a penalty. I suspect that the answer lies in the middle but I can't read minds. We can only go off of his account and whether or not we believe his version of events.  I do however agree that regardless of if the braking was intentional or not it warranted a penalty. That was extremely dangerous, causing a serious crash that easily could have ended in severe injury or a fatality if the gap to the next car hadn't been great enough. In fact we saw that Lance’s engineer was frantically telling him to slow down, if he hadn’t been as far behind as he was this would have likely ended so much worse.

The session should have been red flagged. A major crash leaving a driver in the middle of the track is a call for an instant red flag. But the stewards went with yellow and a VSC. That call was unacceptable. I suspect they didn't put up the red flag because it was the last lap of the race and they didn't want a controversial finish. If they had it’s possible we see the leading Ferrari’s have the chance to battle it out, or even Lando to compete closer to the front. Yes, anyone beating Carlos at this point after he was easily going to win would have caused controversy. But it’s better to have a controversial race than to literally compromise the safety of a driver. This serves the FIA who recently were under investigation for a race call that favored Fernando. They didn’t want any more race press like that. So they made a call that put George's life in further danger. 

It's unacceptable. Calls like this cannot be allowed to slide. I trust that George is making his feelings on the matter very clear. 

I am relieved that George is okay, and I hope we do not have to go through this again.

Red Bull

Max

Well we all saw it, Max had to retire his car on lap 3 due to his brakes catching fire. Right away he was on the radio noting a problem with the brakes. Smoke started to plume from the car on lap 3, and it was a full fledged fire by the time he pulled into the pits. 

The exact cause for the fire is unclear, but it is likely a stuck caliper given how Max described the problem (imagine trying to go 250 mph with your parking brake on) That sticky feeling likely means the caliper wasn’t positioned correctly. The quality of the brakes has also been called into question, and I wouldn’t be surprised but we don't have any conclusive information on that.

I feel for Max, after having such a streak in F1 to have to retire due to a mechanical failure outside of your control has to be very hard. I’m quite sure he’ll be fighting like hell in these coming weekends.

Sergio

Sergio’s race is interesting because Red Bull had been having problems dialing the RB-20 to the track all weekend, this was most evident in Max’s feedback. But both drivers had trouble getting the grip right. I think this is mainly due to a setup problem with the car. Starting in P6 and finishing P5. I am not sure even if he hadn't taken that starting grid penalty if he would have been on the podium given some of the consistent issues the RB-20 has this weekend. It does seem that overall given his placement and circumstances he had about as good of a drive as was possible.

One thing we did learn was that this RB-20 isn’t infallible, and sometimes they too get things wrong. 

Mclaren

The most notable thing about Mclaren’s race was the team order to have Oscar swap positions with Lando. Now this hurt, as an Oscar fan this hurt(it’s his home race) however I understand why they made the call. Lando’s pace was better, and if they were going to have a chance of catching Charles they needed him in front. Doesn’t mean it felt great though. 

The reason Oscar’s pace was off Lando even though so far he’s been doing much better at matching(or exceeding) Lando’s pace was tyre management. Oscar is still getting better at tyre management, and on a high deg track with the heat that weakness in his driving made the difference in pace between them. 

It's pretty clear looking at the telemetry data that Lando was just more consistently faster the entire race. This pace difference really comes down to Lando's tyre management being better. They are still clearly very close, however a podium was on the line and that matters when you're in contention for top 3.

Haas

After Ferrari I think Haas may have had the best race overall. They had a 1-2 to finish out at the back end of the points. The race management and pace of the car has really succeeded expectations so far. Their best race yet, and the best performance from both drivers. I have been enjoying watching Haas just keep surprising in the best way possible.

VCARB

Yuki

Yuki saw his first points of the season! While he originally finished P8 he was promoted to P7 when Fernando received his penalty. This put VCARB ahead of the rest of the mid-field in points and is really showing that Yuki is the VCARB driver to watch. He's really shown that he's comfortable in the car and I am excited to see what else he can do this year.

The shocking thing at VCARB is how far off Daniel is from Yuki's pace. He has struggled in the car every race and has not been able to catch up with Yuki. A difference between teammates this large is cause for concern. After examining possible causes and what Daniel himself has said about the car, it seems that he is just really struggling to find the pace and the cause hasn't been found. As it stands it seems a driver incompatibility issue.

Yuki vs Daniel's pace

Yuki vs Daniel's fastest lap. You can see that they are very similar but where Yuki is picking up that extra time is on high speed corners and the straigts.

The race pace also confirms what we are seeing in a lot of teams that this was decided in qualifying. Daniel's race pace wasn't so far off Yuki, but because he was further back at the start due to not being able to match Yuki (and also having a lap time deleted for exceeding track limits) he started in P18 and finished P12.

If Daniel wants to keep his seat he is going to need to drastically improve his qualifying performance.

Stake

Stake is really embarrassing themselves this year with the pit stops. They hobbled both of their drivers this race with pit stops lasting over 30 seconds. Every race so far this year they have had absurdly long pit stops. I have no idea why, I am going to say sheer incompetence. But this doesn’t reflect at all the actual skill of either of their drivers. Zhou also had to run with a damaged front wing because they didn’t have a spare for him after his was damaged on the curb during qualifying. We still have not really seen what the 2024 Stake car is actually capable of and that is the fault of the garage and the team, not the drivers. 

Williams

Alex: Alex was the sole Williams driver this weekend. He stepped into Logan’s car after his crash during FP1 severely damaged his own. He ran a clean race and finished just outside the points. The most important thing this weekend was not to do anymore damage to the car and he did that. 

Whew, that is all I have to say about the insanity that was the 2024 Australian Grand Prix. If you made it this far thank you for reading and I will be back for more race analysis when we go to Japan!

[iamprchung]

Chunks of History

Taking a small break with a short one-off...

Chunks of History By PR Chung Originally post: 1/12/2005 Time Period: Sometime in the future (Is that sooner than it was?) Authors Notes: Inspired by and an adaptation of a commentary I heard on the radio at lunch one day.

Chunks of History

"I was a lawman. There was justice at times. I tried to follow what I was taught." He glanced around at a few of the others. "Were any of you lawmen?"

A moment passes, then, "Yes," says someone in the group, who was a policeman in Kansas City in the 90's.

Someone was a security guard once. He raised his hand and murmured so.

Another in the groups says he wanted to be a secret agent, and that he desired action and the excitement of capturing the bad guys, and this was almost as good as being a 'lawman.'

"That's fine," he says, but knows he will never be understood.

He had been high up in the Federal Bureau of Investigation. It was a long fall from there to this hospital. There was a breakdown, a question of mental health, loyalties, and... the eccentric story. Then years in unidentified wards, the amputation, chunks of history no one would ever know.

Treatments for his unnamed affliction and medications for his neurosis had caused permanent distortions. Sometimes his tongue was so thick he struggled to swallow. He was nearly deaf, nearly blind even with his glasses, and the disease coursing within him mottled his skin in a roadmap of black and blue veins. Still, each Thursday at one he rapped at the door for his appointment at two o'clock. He is dressed in a worn dark suit, and the nurses have doubled knotted his wing tips, one sleeve pinned neatly to his shoulder calling attention to the absence of the limb.  

"I'm here to see my psychiatrist," he says, "for my analysis." It has lost some of the acerbic quality but seems more like mockery now.

His wheelchair motor whines low and a wheel creaks as he comes into the center of the room.

"I've been killed by the boogieman," he says, sounding somewhat dazed and surprised by a realization, yet not for the first time. He's given this analogy some thought; he's had the time. "I am homeless... and loveless."

That isn't completely true here at the hospital, although perhaps it was at the FBI.

The social worker, the pretty one with the auburn hair, who he takes to quite a lot, takes him to the cafeteria for coffee. The nurses dress him in that old worn suit that he prefers; a professional, upright style. And when they wipe his nose after he misses the tissue they're so good they do it without wiping away what dignity he has left.

The hospital, the doctors, the nurses, and pretty social workers, no one here can erase the boogieman who murdered him. There may be no one now who could ever be truly held accountable for the horrors that ravaged his mind and body, but once there might have been. A person who might ease his grief, and if not now in person, at least there in his thoughts and memory she resides. The social worker reminds him of her he admitted once. Then he spoke very little else of this woman; someone he misses and worries for.

So he now arrives early on Thursdays for the meetings. As he may see it there is at least one positive thing that comes out of all this pointless analysis: coffee in the cafeteria.

"No one will ever understand until the time comes what it is I've seen and know," he says, reverting for a moment back to the tale he clung to in the beginning; A story of truth and coming apocalypse. But then, he glances around and lowers his voice, "Doctor, can you promise me a chocolate bar?"

It can be arranged, and he is told so.

"Thank you," he says solemnly. "Then I will go now."

As he slowly turns his chair and wheels away his story lingers in the room. A foreboding and earnest warning to those who would listen, but most who dare agree travel their own dark affected paths.

It was the end time he talked about; not far off now with a glance at the calendar.

What was it again that would be our end? Did it merit another review of the old sessions? It is considered, but then there is another group coming in, more appointments, calls to return, email to read, and then a life separate from this place, so far was home it seemed some days.

No, not today, there would be no curious review of patient records and tape-recorded sessions. There was progress now, he was coming around, and moving on. Forgetting sometimes, mostly in the cafeteria over coffee with a red head, the boogieman.

"I'll see you next Thursday, Walter."

***

End.

[theodora3022]

Once upon a (fever) Dream

Relationship: Scaramouche x Reader (Gender neutral)

Summary: Scaramouche is unwell with a fever, it's your responsiblity to take care of your superior. Little did you know, overhearing his fever sleep talk would turn your life upside down.

Author's notes: I'm trying to get back into the writing groove! Scaramouche has been on my mind a lot ever since the lore of the pale flame set was datamined. If you are interested in the theory I based my fic on, one of my dear mutuals made this informative post. This is pretty tame and more of a psychological analysis more than a fic tbh.

I will not take any criticism on the theory.

Warnings: SFW, Character study-ish, abundance of internal monologues, use of swear words, hints of speculation on Scaramouche's backstory/identity, power imbalance, possessive and obsessive behaviour, trust issues(??)

"Another day Feelin' like no one really knows me It's okay At least I'm used to being lonely"

-Jake Daniels "The Show"

Scaramouche is having trouble distinguishing the dream realm and the waking world. Tch, this always happens when he falls ill.

Dreams. Stupid, meaningless things he cannot control. Scaramouche is never a fan of them. Sleeping is just a way to recharge one's energy for the following day, so why is this petty factor even a possibility? Memories mixed with random shit. Fever dreams are even worse, because he cannot force himself to wake up, and they might even allow forbidden information to be exposed.

The Balladeer seldom falls ill. But when he does...he needs some subordinates to look after him. Not that he got any other option.

Unpleasant to work with? Talks way too much? Eh, not that he cares. Scaramouche does not see the need to present himself as likeable. Like is a temporary, fragile concept compared to fear.

There was a time in his long life, he thought he was loved...the love he received turned out to be nothing more than one of his past naive self’s delusions in the end. No, it is meaningless in being nostalgic over that.

Damn this Moronic fever, stirring his mind all messy...

Fear is a better alternative, more secure and firm.

"Sir, it's time for your medicine." You knock, hesitating when there is no granting of entry from his end.

This unfortunate task: taking care of the bedridden harbinger has fallen onto you as of late. Being the newest recruit in his sector, of course, your seniors would throw this troublesome work to a rookie like you.

The optimal approach is: Do what you are supposed to do as a subordinate, sprint through the doorway once you complete your tasks. Being in his room longer than needed will only result in harsh insults. That foul mouth does not seem to know any mercy.

"Sir?" You ask again, mentally preparing yourself for the possible scolding before turning the doorknob. Letting yourself in is not a wise idea, however, this is your obligation. Lord Balladeer would be even more upset if you had brought in the medicine at the right time.

"No...Please don't...I promise I'll be-" Is that, sleep talking? Oh archons, why?

Those facial expressions are not pleasant ones. A nightmare, great.

Is there a way to unhear things? You sure wish there is. Scaramouche's life before his service has always been a popular topic of break time gossip among the Fatui. Some say he is of noble birth from that arrogant attitude, some say he comes from a peasant family, there are even absurd speculation about him being a fisherman before. However, his subordinates know better than to gossip in his presence. No rumours were ever confirmed or denied.

Who knows what he would do if the Harbinger catches you "eavesdropping". The mutterings have quiet down now, but you still have paperwork to attend to after this(that he assigned you).

"How much of that did you hear?" Just when you are contemplating whether to poke the sleeping bear or not, that menacing violet gaze has already fixated at you. Did he sleep talk? Scaramouche is uncertain. Still, it is always better to be safe than to be sorry.

At least he’s awake now, no need to wake him anymore. You said to yourself quietly. “Not much, my lord. I will forget everything as soon as possible. Now, time for your medicine.”

That scent makes Scaramouche’s stomach churns. A pot of dark goo and a plate of sugared plums, just like yesterday and the day prior. Wait, wasn’t he-

“How do I know that you don’t go whisper to your friends?”

Efficiency and resilience. Those are the two essential qualities one must possess if one wishes to remain in Scaramouche’s service. He may be a difficult superior, but his sector gets a relatively decent chunk of field missions, therefore it is easier to move up the ranks for new recruits. Who knows when you would get a promotion if you just deal with financial transactions in banks under Pantalone.

Perhaps it is sight of the oh so mighty man in such a fragile state, you are feeling...braver than usual. “My lord, what do I have to gain from gossiping?” Do you focus on unscrewing the cap of the pot, sounding somewhat amused? That unnoticeable curl did not escape his eyes.

When was the last time a recruit dared to look him straight in the eye like this? Scaramouche has no recollection. That immense headache is not helping either. Whatever, what matters now is making sure you do not go slipping off what you heard to others.

After handing the utensils and the pot to your superior, you head outside, prepared to stand in the hallway until he finishes the pot.

“Did I give you permission to leave?”

Aren’t you curious about what he is hiding? Humans love to pry by nature, right? It’s not the first time he had to dispose of those who know too much after all.

“Do you need anything else, my lord?” Of course, he’s not gonna let you off the bat that easily. What were you thinking? Deep breathes, (y/n). It’s not like he is going to electrocute you in this state.

“I wish to keep this head on my shoulders.” In an organization like the Fatui, new recruits are seen as resources that can be disposed of if needed. No one would blink an eye if you were to die of “accidental” death.

“You say that, but your eyes tell a different story.” Since when does he care about what is going in the minds of his subordinates?

“Sir, you can deal with me once you are fully recovered. Her Majesty, the Tsaritsa needs you in top condition as soon as possible.”

Gulping down the thick porridge, the little man then lied down, trying to sleep the fever away. The sensation of the quilt moving almost made him jump, he thought you had left the room already? What do you think you are doing?

Did you pull the quilt up to his chin? It’s not like he needs that cloth, but...this notion.

He’s so adorable when he’s sleeping. You thought as you walked through the door.

Did you just… tuck him in?? That is what’s that called right? Arranging the covers for someone?

You really should know better than treating your superior like some infant. However, that is not a mocking gesture. Scaramouche supposes he’ll let this one slide.

As the door shuts behind you, you hummed a cheerful melody, trying to not think about what would happen once he’s back on his feet. Hopefully, he will let you live on if you try hard enough to prove your usefulness.

You are reckless. You have no idea what you got yourself into.

He just had the perfect way to make sure his secrets remained in safe hands.

Someone else would take care of your current position. What would that leave you? Hmm, a personal assistant would be fitting for someone as caring as you. Personal, somehow he likes the sound of that already. Scaramouche had loathed the idea of having someone tend to his daily life, complete independence is a goal he always strives to achieve. Now...that idea does not seem that horrible after all. Do you even know how to brew tea? You’ll have to learn if not, and quickly too.

His past must remain a secret until the situation calls for it, that much is certain. Unstable variables should be placed under constant surveillance, and Scaramouche can only rely on himself to guard something as important as this.

(A/N: Thank you for reading this character study fic!! Relogs and comments will be greatly appreciated!)

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #188

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re building the greatest robot ever built in Sengoku period Japan, Katou “Black Kite” Danzo! This amazing automaton is a Thief Rogue to speed up her limbs and get some ninja mobility, as well as an Alchemist Artificer so she can really fly, make objects disappear and reappear, and even make those awful rice balls.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: Welcome to the CHK!

Race and Background

Danzo’s a Karakuri Puppet, but D&D races don’t get that specific, so we’ll just have to call her a Warforged instead. This gives her +2 Constitution and +1 in any other ability, and we want Dexterity. Her Constructed Resilience gives advantage on saves against being poisoned, and she gets resistance to poison damage. She also doesn’t need to eat, drink, breathe, or sleep, and she can’t get sick. As a bonus, this means she doesn’t need to take any of the Fuuma clan’s medicine, thank god.

She still has to take long rests though, but a Sentry’s Rest reduces the time to six hours. You’re still conscious, but you can’t move if you want the rest.

Thanks to your wooden body, you can use Integrated Protection to fuse yourself into your armor, granting you a +1 bonus to AC, and preventing it from being removed against your will. Your Specialized Design also gives you proficiency with Medicine and Woodcarver’s Tools.

Like Paraiso, you’re also a magic assassin, so Volstrucker Agent is pretty accurate. This background gives you proficiency with Deception and Stealth.

Ability Scores

As usual, we’re using the standard array for maximum replicability. From high to low:

Still a ninja, still starting with a really high Dexterity. Unlike Kotarou, your ninja tricks come from your Intelligence. Also, you’re a robot; you’ve got to be pretty smart to know how you work, and you have a big chunk of the Fuuma clan’s history stuck in your head. Third is Constitution- you’ll happily sit in a cave for several centuries and not die, which is pretty impressive. Your Wisdom is above average, because I can’t think of anything specific you do that uses wisdom, but it’s still probably better than a regular person’s. Your Strength is probably lower than it should be, but it’s not like we really need it that much. That means we’re dumping Charisma. You don’t really “get” people that well.

Class Levels

Artificer 1: Starting off as an artificer is pretty neat, giving you proficiency with Constitution and Intelligence saves, as well as two artificer skills- Arcana is the closest thing we have to science in D&D, and Sleight of Hand will probably help with the bull swallowing we’ve got to do later. You also get Magical Tinkering when you start out, letting you tack minor magical effects onto tiny objects. A pebble that constantly sounds like someone walking around is a useful distraction. Despite artificers being a half casting class, they also get Spells this level, which you can cast and prepare using your Intelligence. For cantrips, I suggest picking up Mending to patch yourself up, as well as Create Bonfire for a quick and easy firestarter. Literally setting places on fire is also a great distraction, if a bit more obvious. For first level spells, I suggest picking up the classic suite of “barely spells” spells, like Grease, Alarm, and Snare. You should also grab Cure Wounds for some quick and dirty rice balls, as well as Jump and Feather Fall for Katou Danzo’s wind manipulation. There aren’t many offensive options for wind in D&D, but I can promise you’ll be very mobile by the end of this build.

Artificer 2: The big reason we started as an artificer is to grab Infused Items as quickly as possible. Starting at this level you can hold onto four blueprints for magic items, and can make up to two of them at a time, switching them out between long rests. Now you can make a Bag of Holding for some real bull swallowing (not literally though, those suckers are several times your weight limit), a Rope of Climbing for a grappling hook that attaches itself, a Returning Weapon so you’re not stuck picking up your kunai after every fight, or you can apply Enhanced Defense on some armor for even more AC.

Rogue 1: Now that your initial ninja tricks are set up, we still have to, y’know, get good at ninjaing. (Ninjing? Whatever.) Bouncing over to rogue gives you Investigation proficiency for expert analysis plus Thieves’ Tools for dismantling traps, as well as Expertise in Acrobatics and Stealth for double proficiency bonuses on all your ninja techniques. You also get a Sneak Attack once per turn, dealing an extra 1d6 damage to your target while using a finesse weapon and if you either have advantage on the attack, or have an ally within 5 feet of them. Also also, you get Thieves’ Cant. It’s a language.

Rogue 2: Second level rogues get a speed boost thanks to Cunning Action. Now you can use your bonus action to Dash, Disengage, or Hide. All very ninja-y, I assure you.

Rogue 3: Going into the Thief subclass lets you overclock yourself even further thanks to your Fast Hands. Now your cunning action lets you make sleight of hands checks, use thieves’ tools, or use objects as a bonus action. Plus, your sneak attack is 2d6 now! You’re also accustomed to Second-Story Work, so you climb as quickly as you walk, and your running jumps get boosted by your dexterity modifier. Combining this with Jump starts your ascent into a proper Black Kite- with a running start you can jump almost 40′ across, or almost 20′ straight up. You can also jump over most humanoids, clearing seven and a half feet on long jumps.

Rogue 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Intelligence for stronger artificer spells and medicines.

Artificer 3: Now that we’ve got a base level of ninjositude down, we can bounce back to artificer for more clever tricks. Right off the bat, you can always create The Right Tool for the Job over the course of a short rest, though you can only make one kind of tool at a time. (If you make new tools, the old ones get jealous and leave, I guess.) You also get goodies exclusive to the Alchemist subclass though, like proficiency with Alchemist’s Tools, Healing Word and Ray of Sickness as prepared spells, and the ability to craft Experimental Elixirs. When you finish a long rest, you can make one such elixir, with a random effect you find out when you create it. There’s a lot, so I’m not going to list them all here. The elixir only lasts until your next long rest, so you can’t stock up. That being said, you can create more elixirs at a time as you level up.

Artificer 4: Use this ASI for more Dexterity, for more accurate and deadly kunai strikes.

Artificer 5: Fifth level alchemists become Alchemical Savants, adding their intelligence modifier to spells that heal or deal acid, fire, necrotic, or poison damage. Playing to character means you won’t be using this much aside from the healing, but you also get second level spells! You get Flaming Sphere and Melf’s Acid Arrow for free, but we’re here more for the other spells you can prepare, like grabbing Levitate for some discount flight (hey, if you use your rope of climbing to grapple onto things you can probably get some good speed going...), Invisibility for better bull swallowing that can actually swallow a bull, Enhance Ability to just try a little harder, and Blur for some swirly wind nonsense that makes you harder to fight. If King Arthur can do it, so can you.

Artificer 6: Sixth level artificers get Tool Expertise, doubling your proficiency with any tool check you’re already proficient in. You can also cast Message at this point because you’ve worked in Chaldea too long for them to not give you a freaking walkie talkie, and you learn two more item infusions, and you can build one more at a time. Boots of Elvenkind will silence your footsteps, and Boots of the Winding Path can help you ninja vanish back along the steps you took this turn. There’s an obvious problem that you can’t wear both sets at once, but you’re probably not even making both at once, so...

Artificer 7: Seventh level artificers get Flashes of Genius, letting you add your intelligence modifier to an ability check or saving throw happening within 30 feet of you. You can use this Intelligence Modifier times per long rest. If scifi has taught me anything, all robots are calculating the seven billion ways an event could go at any one time, so finding the three that lead to success shouldn’t be that hard.

Rogue 5: Bouncing back to rogue for a bit brings your sneak attack up to 3d6, and also unlocks your Uncanny Dodge, spending your reaction to halve the damage of an attack coming your way.

Rogue 6: Sixth level rogues get another round of Expertise, so double down on Investigation and Arcana for extra robosmarts.

Rogue 7: Your sneak attack gets as good as it ever will at 4d6, and you learn Evasion, supercharging your dexterity saves. Successes completely negate damage, and failures only deal half damage. Just... don’t stand in the fireball. Why do so few people get that?

Artificer 8: We’re back in artificer to stay now, so bump up that Intelligence for stronger spells as well as more and stronger flashes of genius.

Artificer 9: Ninth level alchemists stick Restorative Reagents in their medicines, adding 2d6+ your intelligence modifier temporary hit points to your experimental elixirs, regardless of their other effects. You also learn how to cast Lesser Restoration Intelligence Modifier times per long rest without using spell slots. The Fuuma clan’s medicines are effective, if nothing else. You also learn how to cast third level spells, like Mass Healing Word and Gaseous Form. I mean, I guess the latter spell is flying, but it’s not Fly flying, you get me? You can also use Tiny Servant to create puppets of your own, Water Walk to walk on water like the ninja you are, as well as Haste and Blink to supercharge your mobility.

Artificer 10: Tenth level artificers are Magic Item Adepts, letting you attune to one more magic item at once, and you can craft common or uncommon magic items faster and cheaper. You also get two more blueprints for infused items, and one more you can make at a given time. Boots of Striding and Springing will make your jumps even more ridiculous, and the Ring of Jumping will clear up some prep space and save you a spell slot or two. Using both of those items at the same time basically let you fly without the spell, letting you jump 120 feet forward or 63 feet straight up, and your long jumps can pass over obstacles that are 22 feet tall. You can leap small buildings in a single bound.

Artificer 11: At eleventh level, artificers can create Spell-Storing Items, stuffing magic into weapons or spell focuses. You can stick a 1st or 2nd level spell in the object, and creatures can cast the spell from that object using your spellcasting modifier and the creature’s concentration. The item holds 2xIntelligence Modifier charges, but you can only have one SSI at a time.

Artificer 12: Use your last ASI to max out your Intelligence for super strong spells, better Flashes of Genius, and more Spells in your items!

Artificer 13: Your capstone level gets you fourth level artificer spells, like the freebies Blight and Death Ward. You can also use these slots to cast spells like Leomund’s Secret Chest for more effective bull swallowing. The bag of holding can still be messed with, and turning stuff invisible doesn’t get rid of it, but the Secret Chest will just hang out in a different dimension til you need it again. Also, you only have to cast it once every two months! You can also Summon Construct to make your own dolls to help out in combat. Sadly there isn’t a wood option, but this is as close as we’re gonna get.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

Flying is good. Like, really good. And you’re so mobile you can fly without flying. You’re so good at jumping you take falling damage just by making a long jump.

With your expertise, enhanced ability, and flashes of genius, you can be pretty good at most skills if you really need to be.

Artificers make really cool toys, but most are limited by only having one action per turn. Thanks to your fast hands, you can make even better use of your infusions by using your bonus actions to either double up on item uses or multitask.

Cons:

We didn’t take that many levels of rogue, so your damage is a lot lower than your fleshier ninja counterparts.

While your magic and infused items are useful, they all get shut down immediately in anti-magic zones, giving you a big weak point most DMs won’t hesitate to smash.

While I wouldn’t call having extraneous spells a weakness, especially from a player’s perspective, it is kinda sloppy building on our end. Outside of healing word you really wouldn’t use the other subclass spells you get if you’re playing to character.

[seeds-and-sins]

The Other Side - Part One

Pairing: Jacob Seed x Reader, Eli Palmer x Reader

Rating: M (Language, Violence, Sexual Situations, Non-Consensual Interactions, Torture)

Description: You are the head of one of Eli's teams, and his sweetheart, then Jacob captures you.

- Part Two

- Part Three

- Final Part

War is never and will never be an easy road, especially when you are emotionally involved with the persons you fight beside. Brothers, sisters, friends, people you would do anything for, even die. That was the very case here, which made the decision of joining the Whitetail milita a double edged sword. On one end, you wanted to be near your friends so that you could protect them, but on the other end, being near them risked the possibility of failing them. You knew that failure, two tours in Iraq taught you about regret lived when someone you cared for died in the line of fire.

    So, when Eli asked you to join his crew, you were hesitant at first. You knew about the fiasco that had been going on with the cult, you would be lying if you said you didn't have to fend off the cult members from time to time. You promised yourself you'd never give into to violence ever again, and you didn't. You willed yourself to stand free, away from those harmful thoughts and memories, away from alcohol and flashbacks. Eli's ask stood against everything you had worked towards, the progress you had made since returning from overseas about seven years back. He knew that, the both of you had surely talked about it across a campfire once before. You could see it in his eyes, the hint of guilt, the desperation of having you beside him. The two of you had been more than acquaintances, more than friends after his divorce, but less than partners. There was certainly always something lingering there. That was what made you say 'yes', that was what made you hurl yourself back into the pool of demons you had ridded yourself of. Him.

   Three months in, after being a respective member of his main alpha team, you both made it official. This only seemed to make you more cautious about missions, about his safety, about the safety of the militia. It went both ways truly, but you never considered his feelings towards the matter as much as your own. This often led to arguments, loud shouting matches that never ended with a clear winner. The other militia members steered clear, sipped from their beer, conducted their surveillance ops, whatever kept them away from getting in between the two of you. One such argument took it to the next level, bordering damn near abusive at some point.

"I said, no! That's final!"

"Well, whatever you say I am still not going to listen to you! You aren't going out there!" In the past few weeks, Jacob had been getting more aggressive with his strategies, so much so, that it was starting to become too dangerous for Eli to leave the Den. Yet, for about a month Eli and you had developed a plan to cut off Jacob's weapons supplies. Such a convoy that took a path from John's region through the mountains and around to the Veteran's Center. It was a very complex, but heavily calculated plan, and you knew Eli was itching to be a part of it. Better you than him though.

"I'm in charge of this operation! Not you!"

"My point exactly, do you really think its a good idea to go out on a really important mission when Jacob wants your head on a silver platter?"

"The risks are the same now as they were then."

"Don't be ridiculous, Eli! You mean something to this cause!" You stepped around the map table and closed in on him, hands balled into fists, sweat on your brow.

"And you mean something to me." He muttered under his breath, those light brown pools not leaving your own, the tension in your shoulders dropped and you sighed. Almost instantly, the few standing members in the room began to clear out, even Tammy, who was Eli's strongest lieutenant left the room. You took a deep breath, stepped even closer to him, his head tilted down as he dropped his gaze.

"We knew what we were getting into when this started, El."

"If it was any other mission, I wouldn't mind, but this one is big." He finally raised his gaze, you grabbed his cheek and formed a sad smile on your lips, thumbs caressing gently at the scratchy skin above his beard.

"That's why I must go. I am the only one who knows this plan inside out and you are too valuable to lose."

"I hate it when you do this, (Y/N)."

"Do what?" He gripped your wrists with a sigh.

"Make it seem like I don't worry about losing you either." His eyes were like dark pools into another universe, and you wished for a moment that you could dive into them and be lost forever.

....

Thud!

     The metal bowl hit the ground, slop spitting out from its edges and pulling its weight to sit on its side.

"There ya' go, sinner. Same as yesterday's." The peggie grunted, rot shining in his steely grin as he then trotted away from the cage, leaving you to your devices. You sighed, feeling the slop become more and more appetizing each day was starting to become a concern. No matter how hard you tried not to eat, there was no denying the hunger that consumed you. In comparison to those locked in the cages surrounding you, while they starved and screamed for your meals, the food was a luxury. Yet, you could not give Jacob the benefit of the doubt.

     You eyed the tasteless grub, blotchy and red, with chunks of unknown substances stirred into its grime. It blended well with the dirt, that had turned soggy and muddy as the rain came and went. You prayed that that same rain would grace you, where it provided some shroud of comfort in this nothingless.

You committed to timing the guards on duty, understanding the cycles of prisoners as they underwent the seven days of hell that Jacob would put them through. You hadn't yet quite figured out how to get out of the cage itself, being so in the open, with an overall lack of materials, made the process difficult. It didn't help that as they days went by, one, two, three days so far, your thoughts had become more difficult to manage. Sleep was unattainable with the screams and the grime and the consistent playing of 'Only You' at the exact time every day.

   Jacob would stop by at his conveinience, you hadn't been here long enough to see him make a habit of it. He would pass through while making critiques on the work his men had been doing. He'd stop and stare for a moment, meet your solid glare with his own and then continue on. It had become no question that he knew who you were and your significance. You hoped that Eli wouldn't break under the threats you were certain that Jacob had been pushing on him. Jacob had yet to conduct any torture on you. Upon first meeting him, it wasn't difficult to distinguish who he was among the fleet of peggie scum that stood around him.

    The mission was obviously a failure, an ambush occurred, one of the Whitetails had been a traitor. You were so close to escaping before a peggie had managed to trail you down to the Henbane, knocking you unconscious. You were dragged into the prison-like walls of the veterans center, awakened by the shrill of terror echoing from the cages and the raw barks of crazed wolves. It was then that Jacob revealed himself to you. He said so little, but with his eyes you could see something stirring.

"Put her in one of the cages, I will deal with her later."

"Yes, sir." He never quite dealt with you though, although you wondered many times if he ever would. It didn't matter how. You would never speak a word to him, your love for Eli was too unconditional and strong and fierce. His authority resonated with you and you made note of it as one of Jacob's defining characteristics. He was like Eli's mirror, they would be friends if it was any other universe. For this, everytime that Jacob passed through, you conduct a thorough analysis. You would go back to Eli with all the information he would need. Not only on the compound, but on the enemy.

"Not hungry again I see?" You lifted your gaze from the bowl, so lost in your thoughts. You hadn't noticed that Jacob was coming around for his daily rounds. You hid your surprise at the fact that he was actually speaking to you today. "Is the food not to your liking?" His voice was so even, but strained, with his every breath, she could see his struggle. On the surface he was a strong man, inside he had his illnesses hidden. "I hope you don't mistake my kindness for weakness..." One of his men swiftly hurled the metal door open, grabbing the bowl and scooping its messy contents back in. "If you can't respect such kindness, then you don't deserve it." The peggie pulled away and returned the door to its locked and sturdy position. It was silent, but Jacob had remained posted at the bars of the cage, arms crossed, eyes focused. "I have decided what to do with you, wouldn't you like to know?" Those last few words were almost mocking you and taunting your existence. You could play games to, if that was what Jacob wanted from you for the time being.

"Kind of disappointed you didn't know to begin with..." You snorted and shook your head. "I thought you'd at least be somewhat prepared for this kind of situation."

"Oh, you aren't all that special. Maybe this cage has made you a bit cocky."

"Its not hard, especially when you're the person I have to look at all day." Jacob kept that composed expression, but you could tell the banter was getting to him. You felt you hadn't moved in days, but the effort to stand was well worth it. You grunted as you struggled to bring yourself to your feet, legs shaking slightly under you weight, and your head spun as you stepped forward. "Now, you might as well kill me, Seed. I am not saying a word." You inhaled sharply as you reached out for the bar not to far in front of Jacob, giving him your best smile.

"I already know everything I need to. The question is whether you are worth it or not." You smiled even further, feeling like you had won. For Eli. You knew Eli wouldn't dare risk the entirety of this militia and this operation and idea, for you. No matter how much love was worth, it wasn't worth hundreds of lives and the loss of freedom. The both of you had had this discussion before, however briefly and however painful it was to admit. The risks were a burden that hovered over the relationships, but the payoff always was worth the risks.

"I can promise you I am not. Eli knows the drill and I know my mission. I am better off dead than alive."

"Oh, you must be mistaken..." Your eyebrows furrowed and you couldn't help but swallow, your throat so dry that the sting lingered for a brief moment. Jacob's lips quirked up slightly and he stepped closer to the cage, as cool and as in authority as he was when you met him. Something was wrong. "Eli doesn't know I have you, and he never will." Your lips parted, the confusion deepened, further into your soul. "In fact, he thinks I've killed you already, isn't that somethin'?" You shook your head vigorously, not quite understanding-

"But then why am I here?! Why keep me alive?" You were the one that had become frantic, panicked, you lost your composure. Thoughts rustled through your head, all of which you couldn't control in this state, with this anxiety, and exhaustion, and hunger that coursed through you. Jacob shrugged, then so casually spun on his heel and started walking. "Wait! Stop!! I am talking to you!" You braced yourself against the bars, as tears streamed down you cheeks. Your greatest fear and you couldn't do anything about it. "Why?! Stop!" Jacob disappeared into a metal door of the veteran's center, its resounding slam emanated among the never ending chorus of screaming and crying from nearby cages.

You knew why: If Jacob couldn't get Eli to react with you alive, he would have to get Eli to react to you dead. And based on Jacob's smug glimmer, it was working.

Return to Prompts

[lightns881]

DTeam Tumblr Demographics Survey Results (Part 2):

What does DTeamblr look like, what does it have to do with MCYT history, and why does it look like a rainbow?

I’ll make an educated guess here and say y'all enjoyed my last post (totally unrelated to the way I gained almost 50 followers overnight). Anyhow, thank you so much for the overwhelming support! I’m so glad a lot of you felt you could relate to my deep-dive into the leading personality type on DTeam Tumblr. It took me so many hours to write and research, and as a math major and honors student, it’s no easy feat, so I’m so grateful for the attention it got!

Today we’re discussing the general demographics of DTeam Tumblr and why they might look the way they do. Number 8 will blow your mind! So make sure to keep reading and hit that little grey heart and arrow at the bottom if you like it, so more people get to see it! Thanks for your support! Now, let’s jump straight into the post!

Your Daily Dose of Data

From the 449 responses we received, these are some pie charts displaying the gender, age, and sexuality of all respondents.

Image Description: Female (52.8%), Non-Binary (37.4%), Male (9.8%)

Image Description: 16-17 (37%), 13-15 (31.4%), 18 and over (29.4%), 12 and under (2.2%)

Image Description: Bisexual/Pansexual (54.1%), Homosexual (16%), Asexual (14.7%), Other (7.8%), Heterosexual (7.3%)

Mmhm, delicious! Y'all ready to dig into these stats? Because I don’t know about you, but they certainly don’t strike me as what the general population looks like!

Welcome to Tumblr, the Only Community Where Straight Men are the Minority

So these statistics certainly didn’t take me by surprise. Mostly because the DNF Shipper Survey I took some time ago revealed a similar trend. Not to mention, Tumblr is probably the QUEEREST internet community on the planet. 

Funny enough, the survey revealed a shocking number of ZERO heterosexual males respondents. I’ll say it louder for the people in the back. ZERO straight males were recorded out of 449 respondents for this survey!

Now, this isn’t surprising for the Tumblr community by itself, but I can say I’m somewhat surprised in terms of the MCYT Tumblr community. (Obviously, the survey specified DTeam Tumblr, but there is a big overlap between both communities, so I will be using them interchengably when it seems relevant.)

Let’s break this down. The survey reveals the largest age population is 16-17, though it’s not by a great margin in comparison to 13-15 and 18 and older, which doesn’t surprise me either. Some of the major critics of the DTeam Fandom and other MCYT Fandoms love to claim the fanbase’s majority age range lies with children and pre-teens. While it’s an undeniable fact children are drawn to Minecraft, it’s also a misconception to paint it as solely a community for younger viewers.

In the MCYT Tumblr and DTeam Tumblr communities, specifically, we see this is not the case. Only 1/3 of the respondents of this survey are under the age of 16 (you could attribute part of it to the fact younger people might be less inclined to participate in this survey, but it is still a notable difference). I can’t say these age ranges are similar in other parts of the community like DTeam Twitter, Tik Tok, or Reddit, but if I had to make a guess, I’d say Tumblr lies toward the older of the bunch, with Reddit being the oldest and Tik Tok being the youngest (I do hope to perform this survey on some of the other communities, so please stay until the end if you want to help with that).

One of the likely explanations to why the ages for DTeam Tumblr look this way is the fact a big chunk of the community has likely been watching MCYT for a long time (even with breaks in between). I, myself, used to watch channels like PopularMMOs, Aphmau, and PrestonPlayz as a kid, and I presume many of you are familiar with them as well. With the resurgence of MCYT in the past year, it likely drew a lot of the older viewers in addition to the new ones.

But enough about age. What I really want to highlight on this post is the attraction of queer individuals to DTeam Tumblr and MCYT as a whole.

Why is the current MCYT Fandom so queer in comparison to the previous generations?

This is a huge open-ended question and considering I can only capture so much of the DTeam and MCYT community, the rest of this post should be taken solely as a theoretical analysis as opposed to fact.

With that out of the way, let’s start by discussing the shift MCYT has undergone over the years (I promise this will circle back to the question of queerness in the MCYT fandom, but we need some background before we can come up with a decent theory).

When Minecraft was first released, it proved to be a monumental change in the gaming industry. This simple little indie game took the world by storm. It was so vastly different from what the general population generally viewed gaming as (first-person shooters, story-driven games, action games, etc.) Not to mention, it didn’t exactly solely appeal to only a small margin of gamers, those being white cis males.

The gaming industry has notoriously been known in the past for its heteronormative community and general prejudice toward minorities. Though it has gone through a significant change over the decades, we certainly can’t say it’s fully gone.

Yet for whatever reason, the recent MCYT has taken the interest of so many queer people in comparison to other gaming YouTube communities. Why? Why are queer people so drawn to this community? And, more precisely, why does it feel so different than the old MCYT? Lastly, how does this relate to the conclusion about the leading personalities of this fandom we made in the last post?

The Niche Communities of MCYT Over the Years

MCYT has always been a huge, over-saturated genre of YouTube with content appealing to a variety of audiences. It’s dominated gaming content for years, and I think we can all safely say it’s never been bigger than it is today.

So why is it that just now it feels like the queerness of the fandom is popping off? Why now as opposed to say five years ago when MCYT was at another one of it’s strongest stages?

It seems like the community has made a tremendous shift in relation to breaking gender norms and LGBTQ+ subjects, not only in the fans but within the creators themselves. Was flirting and calling a pretty-boy streamer pet names as normal in the past as it is today? Were straight gamer guys putting on dresses and a full-face of make-up as supported back then? Were “marriages” and “pregnancies” within Minecraft boys an everyday occurrence like they are now? How is it that MCYT has dominated a Twitch dating show where flirting with the gay host and among straight contestants themselves is just another bit of entertainment? Where is this all coming from?

Recently, I watched a 2 hour documentary depicting all of the stages of Minecraft YouTube and how it has changed over the years. If you haven’t seen it and you have some time to spare, I HIGHLY recommend it! It’s very informative, and it honestly gave me such a strong sense of nostalgia that makes me choke up every time I think about it. I’ll link it below.

The documentary does a great job at exploring the different niche communities that dominated MCYT since it first took off. Some of such communities include the basic Let’s Players, the team-based Let’s Play channels like How2Minecraft, the roleplay story-centric ones like Aphmau and Samgladiator, the tutorial, building and technical side like Mumbo and Grian, the PVP-centric Bedwars or Hypixel channels, the Machinima community, the comedy side like ExplosiveTNT, the parody music videos, and so many more. All of the mentioned communities have dominated Minecraft at one point or another, many of them still having a rippling effect and/or a loyal community today. All of these communities have certain aspects that define them, some of which parallel the current overtaking content in the present.

How can we compare MyStreet to the Dream SMP?

Taking Aphmau as an example, her MyStreet series had a TREMENDOUS success a few years ago, racking in millions of views and bringing in a lot of money that eventually allowed her to hire voice actors and increase the production of mentioned episodes. The roleplay series was so successful it ran for six seasons!

Now, let’s compare that to the Dream SMP. It seems like a big comparison to be making considering they appear so different at first glance. For once, Aphmau is just one channel whose audience caters toward girls and younger people who enjoy romance. The series is set-up in an episodic-format that resembles more of a TV series than actual Minecraft videos.

Meanwhile, the Dream SMP is a collection of content creators with a mix of improvised storylines and the occasional regular video that resembles more of a Let’s Play series than a RP series.

You could say the only true comparisons to draw out of these two are the popularity they had/have and the profit they brought to their respective creators. 

However, there’s two other key similarities that you’ll find not only within these two specific examples, but many other channels and communities as well. Story and characters.

MyStreet’s story aspect is fairly obvious seeing as it’s a episodic series that focuses on a fictional story. The Dream SMP’s story aspect isn’t as clear, but it’s evident there is a story playing out in the foreground and background, whether intentional or unintentional, or improvised or not.

Character is where some of you might start to question me. It’s obvious MyStreet has characters. I mean, it is a fictional story, after all. But the Dream SMP? Light, they’re obviously people!

Well, my answer to that is yes and no--sort of. The Dream SMP’s story heavily relies on roleplay, bits as you might call them. Events that aren’t necessarily planned out as a fictional plot like the typical MyStreet episode is, but they aren’t exactly real. Schlatt is obviously not a villain in real life, he just likes to impersonate as one for the narrative. Wilbur isn’t crazy, but it’s a way to spice up the heroic story surrounding Tommy and him.

It’s video-game improv. Except the actors behind the content just so happen to be real people playing off the personalities and “brands” they have obtained. 

Brands. It all boils down to this. In the entertainment business, without a clear vision of your project and a clear way to brand what your consumer intakes, your project will likely not find a lot of success.

There’s a reason why Tommy plays off his loudness, using an overexaggerated laugh that although may not be completely fake, it is likely not the laugh he uses everyday. Or why BadBoyHalo is this supposed innocent muffin who doesn’t understand the crafting table meme and other references that are fairly easy to google and find the meaning of. Or why Sapnap is this chaotic being who loves starting pet wars and we love to paint as an arsonist in the Dream SMP. While all of these personality traits may be a part of their true selves, they’re played up for the camera--for the story. They act as the personas that define their characters in the narrative.

They have a clear brand and vision that appeals to the audience and makes them tune in on the daily to see how they all come together. It’s like roleplaying a more extreme version of yourself, one that brings home the money.

Story and characters run across every entertainment outlet. They define their brand. Aphmau has her characters and series. Hermitcraft has a set of memorable personalities and episodic videos that formulate its own story that is less like a narrative and more of a history of the server. ExplodingTNT has his recurring cast and comedic sketches. Most of these niche communities have a form of story and character defining them. It’s how they achieve a clear sense of branding and cater to a specific audience.

Queer Theory in MCYT

Having said all that, why does the MCYT of today draw in so many queer viewers?

Let’s think about this. In my last post, I ended by mentioning DTeam Tumblr is a sort of safe haven for INFP and INxx types who might be placed in the “other” category by society. INFPs, specially, are predisposed for escapism--one common form of it being fiction and entertainment. Not to mention, INFPs are feeling types who, as introverts, seek a personable connection. It’s why it’s so easy for them to obsess over book characters or fall in love with content creators.

Now, let’s imagine a whole community of LGBTQ+ INFP and INxx types. Actually, scratch that, we don’t even have to imagine it.

It’s what our community looks like today.

And why are so many so drawn to the DTeam and Dream SMP of all things? It’s a personable storyline that essentially forms a direct tie to the viewer. Unlike pre-recorded fictional TV series you tune into on your device, the Dream SMP is a whole load of chaos that blurs the lines between reality and fiction where fans can directly connect to creators and get to know them as people through a storyline that features sub-textual queer themes and non-conforming behaviors.

The MCYT content creator community of today is more non-conforming than ever before, and knowing this whole fact, knowing that many of them might place themselves in the “other” category or at the very least aren’t afraid to break the norms and be seen in that light, is a comfort in itself for LGBTQ+ INFP types. Once again, it’s a safe space that helps you escape from the troubles of real life, one you relate to.

Okay. So although this does answer why the fans look like they do, what about the creators themselves? Are we really supposed to believe this all came through naturally? That a bunch of straight guys suddenly decided wearing dresses was something they wanted to do?

I don’t mean to sound cynical here, and I’m in no way trying to insinuate creators have solely some sort of corrupt ulterior motive. Things are never as simple as they look. However, the truth is, a part of it lies on the attention it’s gotten.

I’ve talked a lot about DreamNotFound and the way Dream uses it as a marketing ploy. I stand by my point. However, he’s not the only one who does this in the MCYT community. Why did Finn suddenly go from wearing a dress to cross-dressing as a girl for a whole week? Why are so many creators suddenly deciding wearing dresses is fun? Why does every freaking straight MCYT actively want to flirt with George nowadays?

Let’s just let Techno’s favorite word answer this for us: clout.

It gets attention from one of the largest historically underserved minority community in the entertainment business. We might not be able to see gay flirting in every Netflix TV show or guys not minding dresses and getting fake marriages, but you are certainly going to get at least one of those in every Dream SMP stream and video you tune into. It gets attention. It brings home the money. And do I blame them? Not really.

Interestingly enough, there’s a lot of analytical posts on the MCYT Tumblr community that discuss the dangers of these tactics and why gay jokes and the way queer subtext is treated by MCYT creators is harmful. Despite this, it still attracts such a huge community of queers. So why exactly would queer people actively watch something that’s offensive or harmful to us?

I have a lot more to say about this topic and the morality behind Dream’s tactics, but I’m out of breath for today, so I’ll talk about it in my next post. What better way to start the conversation about the DNF and Karlnap questions of the survey than a good ol’ discussion on the morality of queerbaiting and the likes?

If you got this far, I’d appreciate it if you liked and reblogged this post if you enjoyed it and/or learned something new! Also, important news, I would really like to perform a similar study on the DTeam Twitter Community to measure the differences in demographics across platforms. I would REALLY appreciate it if you guys could go like, retweet and share the link I posted on my Twitter about it (tweet will be linked in the reblog below) so it reaches more of the DTeam Twitter community!

However, if you filled out the survey yourself here or you associate more with DTeam Tumblr than DTeam Twitter please DO NOT fill out the survey again! I’m trying to make sure it reaches the audience that mains on Twitter, but I need a little help with that since I don’t have as big of an influence on Twitter than on here for obvious reasons.

Anyhow, thank you so much for all your support! I really appreciate y’all and make sure to hit the follow if you want to lookout for the next demographics post! <3

(Pssst, I’m releasing a MCYT DNF superpower AU longfic next month... You should totally go check out the post on that if you’re interested in it...)

[prince-liest]

(Another anon here!) I cant speak for the other anon, but I personally love LOVE to hear your meta and analysis about bnha and if its about Hawks? Bonus! I love your blog and adore your writing! Gush away please 🙏 💕💕

ANON, you’re sweet as hell, oh my goodness. <3 That is genuinely so lovely to hear - and I promise that I haven’t been holding off on the meta lately for any reason to do with that other ask or shyness! I just like to read MHA in chunks, so I’m currently waiting for a few more chapters to come out so that I can do them all in one go.

I have a lot of thoughts percolating about Hawks’s childhood and how it lead him to developing his current personality traits, largely more to do with his mom than his dad, even, as well as his tendency for people-pleasing (and pretending he’s not people-pleasing). That “what are your wings even good for?” line was telling.

[a-crimson-lion]

That new analysis is great, and I haven't even read that chapter! Personally, while I still dislike Bakugo, the things I'm hearing about 284 actually sound good to me--I feel like not only are his stans being annoying about it though, but those who dislike him *might* be being a little hard on him? Not YOU, of course Crimson, you did a great job keeping your analysis balanced, but I've been seeing people still hoping he dies and that doesn't feel right to me (1/2)

(2/2) Like it's not perfect, but he's getting there, y'know? If it's true, and he really is starting to see that he was an ass, I'm willing to finally give him a chance. I agree though that he also has to finally acknowledge the impact this had on Deku.

The State of the Fandom: Katsuki Bakugo

‘Kay, gotta keep this short so I don’t write another 4K essay out of nowhere. (Foreshadowing)

So first off, if you have no idea what @cjcroen1393 is talking about, check out the analysis here.

Second off, if you still haven’t read Chapter 284, check out the official VIZ translation here. New chapters are only free for the first three weeks after their debut, so make like an Ochako and get them savings!

Alright, now back to the subject at hand...

First off, while I appreciate the flattery, if I’m being completely honest, I’m still sort of skeptical because we just got Chapter 284, y’know? I wanna hold my breath, but I’ve already been through Bakugo’s Start Line, the Final Exams, and the Remedial Course Arc, three concrete moments that should have showcased Katsuki’s development and either came with conflicting results or were later debunked (Katsuki sticking to his original bull-headed strategy, Katsuki only working with Izuku as a last resort after stating he’d rather lose earlier, Katsuki saying not to look down on others and then looking down on the rest of UA due to a problem he inadvertently contributed to). But yeah, I’ll stick around and see what happens.

Honestly, I feel like 284 has a lot of opinions focused around Katsuki when you’re looking at him specifically. And no, I’m not talking about a direct AntiBaku vs BakuStan thing, that’s not what this is about. I can’t speak for all AntiBakus, obviously, but from the discourse I’ve seen, we’re all currently split into one of three categories:

Cautiously optimistic, willing to see how things play out.

Perpetually exhausted, nothing Katsuki says or does will make him worthy of atonement or redemption.

Kill him with fire, burn him at the steak, he’s worn out his usefulness.

I’m stuck between the first two categories, and the only reason I’m not in the third category (aside from Katsuki’s basic human right to live) is this:

A dead person can’t change. A dead person can’t suffer. Take that as you will.

And that’s not even discussing how the entire fandom is looking at things. Again, from what I’ve seen, the opinions split into three or four categories:

Look how far he’s come! (←The majority of fandom.)

Look how far he has to go… (←I am here. And maybe some AntiBakus.)

He AlWaYs CaReD!1! (←Cease your existence.)

I want to believe, but the narrative has taught me otherwise. (←The majority of AntiBakus.)

[‘Kay, this is where I’m cutting it off. Click “Read More” if you’re still awake.]

I’ve already said my piece on why the “HAC” take fills me with righteous fury, but let me see if I can explain it better with an analogy:

Let’s pretend for the moment that you’re a gold miner. Obviously, you’re looking for gold.

Your boss has you sent down into the mines to head into one of the more… frustrating caverns. Figuring you have nothing better to do, you get to work.

As you get into picking away at the rock in the search for gold, it takes you hours. And eventually, you stop striking bits and pieces and find a solid chunk of gold ore.

Now, your response can vary based on which of the categories you’re in.

If you’re in the “He’s come so far” camp, you are very excited to find this piece of gold.

If you’re with me in the “He’s still got a ways to go” camp, you remember that this chunk of gold ore doesn’t meet the quota. You still gotta dig.

And if you’re in the “HAC” camp, it’s essentially the same as walking back to the cavern entrance, digging down, and finding the quota of all the gold you need.

Sure, it seems like a good deal for most people, but you just wasted a long time getting to one good chunk when you could have dug down from the start. So what was the point of digging your own tunnel to begin with? That’s several hours, or even days of your life, you’re never getting back, because the cavern decided to be cheeky.

(Also, if you were in the "I don't wanna get my hopes up" camp, you've been digging through a pyrite vein and are skeptical.)

I hope that makes sense.

If it doesn’t, essentially the “HAC” line of thought feels cheap because it makes it seem like Katsuki was being needlessly extra from the start. If he always cared, why does he have to suicide bait? (Yeah I know y’all hear that too much but that doesn’t change the fact that it happened.) If he always cared, why does he have to even risk almost killing Izuku in the Battle Trial? If he always cared, why does he almost consider losing in the Final Exams? It just opens up a lot of holes.

I’m not gonna tell you to not be a fan of Katsuki or to not like him, because that isn’t realistic. Hell, if I shouldn’t have to justify why I don’t like him, you guys certainly don’t have to justify the opposite. But there has to be a sort of awareness that comes with either territory.

Because whether you like it or not, Katsuki HATED Izuku from Ch. 1 to getting kidnapped.

He saw Izuku as an OBSTACLE from Deku vs Kacchan 2 all the way to the OFA meeting in Ch. 257.

...and right now, Katsuki is finally, FINALLY recognizing Izuku as a person. A person who is in real f***ing danger and can’t bear the weight of the world on his shoulders. The extent remains to be seen, but what Hori has set up so far is really promising.

But that’s the thing: we’re still in the setup phase. I talked about this before in my last post, but right now we’re only in the third phase of Katsuki’s attitude. The “What The F*** Is Your Existence” phase lasted 116 chapters. The “I Can’t Let You Get Ahead Of Me” phase lasted 141 chapters. And the current phase, the “Why Don’t You Care About Yourself” phase, has only been going on for 27 or so chapters. And Katsuki only recently acknowledged that he bullied Izuku in a flashback somewhere in that time frame.

And the thing is, this doesn’t absolve Katsuki of anything. I still firmly believe Katsuki was being legitimate when he was talking about hunting down Tomura and using Izuku as bait, because that competitive side of him is DYING, not DEAD. And Katsuki still has yet to address the issue in his relationship with Izuku beyond internal and external monologues to people who are decidedly not Izuku, though there’s a high chance of that changing in Chapter 285. And the thing is, all Katsuki recognized is that Izuku’s inherent selflessness made him uneasy, and that was the main reason he bullied him. He still has yet to realize that he is a direct contributor to Izuku’s selflessness being warped into hardcore martyrdom. In his acts of beating Izuku, he lessened his self-worth and thus, made him believe his life was worth giving up. We still got stepping stones to cross, and while Katsuki’s making progress, he’s not across the creek yet.

...and while I’ve personally given up all hope of viewing Katsuki’s redemption in a satisfying light, I am hoping that Hori gets it right for the rest of you.

Thanks for reading.

-Crimson Lion (22 September 2020)

[dearophelia]

WIP Wednesday

⏩ in which i am continuing my rewrite bullshit and my stargate bullshit by poking at “phoenix” ⏪

Pulling on energy reserves she thought she’d used up somewhere around level 18, Sam pushes away the last bit of rubble. She threads her hand through the small hole, looking for purchase on the ground above. Voices call above her, faint and far away. She almost writes them off as her imagination.

Almost.

A hand suddenly clutches hers. She’s so startled by the contact that she nearly lets go, but the hand holds on tightly. Dust and tiny pebbles fall around her. She snaps her eyes shut. Through closed eyelids, the world brightens around her as chunks of debris are lifted away, widening the hole.

“Hang on, we’ve got you,” someone promises. Their voice is muffled, as if they’re underwater.

“It’s Colonel Carter!” someone else shouts.

Strong hands grasp her shoulders. She looks up into the face of one of the new recruits: Lincoln, she thinks.

“Are you okay, Colonel?” her voice is muffled too, despite that she’s right in front of her.

Sam nods. “I’ve got Lieutenant Adams right behind me. Get us out of here.”

“On three. One, two…”

On three, Sam braces her feet on the steadier rubble so she doesn’t kick rocks down at Adams, and pushes herself upward as Lincoln and another lieutenant heave her toward the surface.

Finally free, she scrambles backwards away from the hole in the ground. Immediately, Lincoln’s hauling Adams up and then checking Sam for injuries. She’s sure she has plenty: she’s been underground in the dark for two days trying to reach the surface. At the very least, she knows her eardrums are ruptured. She and Adams figured that much out, along with Adams’ concussion.

It’s overcast and the air is full of dust, but still she squints against the light. Sam’s flashlight gave out a day and a half ago; Adams’ quit sixteen hours ago. They’d left them in the dark abyss below and climbed by feel and shattered emergency lighting until they could see daylight.

She tries to take a deep breath. The air catches in her lungs and she coughs. Once she starts, she can’t stop. Tears burn at her eyes and her chest feels like it’s on fire. The other lieutenant – Jefferson, Sam’s able to read her name tag before her eyes water too heavily – tries to help her through breathing while Lincoln’s run off somewhere else.

Between Jefferson’s help, Adams beside her trying the same, and her own control, Sam’s finally able to stop coughing. By the time Lincoln comes back with another person in tow (this one with a medical kit), her breathing is mostly normal. While the new person – Washington, and Sam can hear Jack making a joke about presidents – hands her a water bottle and then checks her vitals, Sam looks up and around.

Chaos. Absolute chaos. Humvees and Air Force trucks drive over the rubble and scrubby grass, people swarm the area, there’s a medical tent set up and a command tent being taken down and packed up. Dust and ash swirls around her through the air. Bits of paper fall, too. A requisition order from Atlantis. Half of an old force depletion report. Part of a metallurgy analysis.

After two days of climbing up mangled elevator shafts and digging through collapsed hallways, she needs a moment to just sit.

The presidents give it to her.

She stares at her bloody, scraped hands. Blood catches on the ridges of the water bottle and slowly drips down the sides. She winces at the sharp bite of pain in her palm when she twists the cap. The ground shakes. They’ve been feeling tremors and aftershocks for days.

Washington ties a green tag around her wrist and moves on to Adams.

Jefferson says something, but Sam can’t hear her.

Sam shakes her head and gestures toward her ears. Green tag or no, she’s going to have to deal with that eventually.

“Do you want to stand up?” Jefferson repeats, raising her voice.

Sam nods. Jefferson and Lincoln help her up. She’s a little unsteady – now that she’s out of the mountain, she realizes just how tired her muscles are. “I’m okay,” she’s quick to say when Jefferson catches her elbow. “Thank you.”

She surveys the broken landscape. Fire and smoke rise from every direction as wind whips through the air. Dust continues to rain down on them; Sam thinks it might be more ash than dust. She turns to look behind her and gasps.

Mangled metal and rebar rise from the ground. One of the heavy lockdown doors lies on its side, its hinges twisted and yanked off. Trees are sheared off, thick trunks splintered into pieces. The outside of Cheyenne Mountain matches the inside: shattered.

Ash and dust cloud her visibility, but destruction is all she sees in any direction.

“Holy shit,” she whispers.

[scarmander]

Women, power and anger

An analysis of Game of Throne’s misogyny regarding Daenerys Targaryen in the last two seasons.

This is a very long rant. It’s over 4000 words. I needed to get this off my chest because it helps with my grieving process. 

A quick summary: I try to figure out when the show decided they wanted to go with the ‘Mad Queen’ bullshit theory. I try to undertand why they’ve done her so dirty lately. Spoiler alert. It’s not pretty.

So, if you want to know 

Game of Thrones has been known for its brutality, its shocking twists and deaths and ruthless scriptwriting. It is also known for having ‘strong’ female characters amidst broken journeys and fallen heroes. In a sea of raped, enslaved, prostituted and belittled women our female protagonists were born. From those patriarchaly imposed positions of subordination Daenerys Stormborn, Yara Greyjoy, Missandei of Naath, Brienne of Tarth, Sansa Stark and Arya Stark were hatched from the fossilized shells of the broken bodies and souls the male characters had made of them. They rose from their own ashes, time and time again, made themselves stronger with every blow men would throw their way. We watched them grow, evolve, fear, feel, fail and win for years, watched them become more than what their society wanted them to be, more than what they were allowed to be. They became rule-breakers, game changers, rulers and warriors. But that was until the show had decided that the end was coming and everything ought to be put back into order. The patriarchal one, that is.

It is my belief that everything changed the moment when Daenerys Targaryen, undoubtedly the most empowered and powerful woman on this show, decided to sail for Westeros with her fleet, three female allies (Yara Greyjoy, Ellaria Sand, Olenna Tyrell), the three dragons she had given birth to and the ‘largest army the world had ever seen’. Imagine the audacity of a woman accomplishing all of that. So, it is on this character that I will put my focus on, I’m also super fucking biased, but whatever, I would gladly do an entire essay on how they’re ruining every female character in this show. Anyway, back to Dany T. main female protagonist, the woman with the most amount of screen time (behind the two male protagonists Jon and Tyrion).

Let’s talk about the audience’s opinion of Daenerys. Truth be told, Daenerys’ influence and might as a character has already greatly surpassed the show’s realm, and that for a very long time. Even in the first seasons where she didn’t actually get that much screen time, she made a mark. And she has grown increasingly more so over the years. She has become an icon of pop culture to the point where people who are unfamiliar with the show recognize her. Now, this might have in part been facilitated by her peculiar looks and strange-sounding name, but Daenerys Targaryen is known worldwide for having power. She is primarily known for one thing: she has dragons. She’s the Dragon Queen, the Mother of Dragons. And those dragons are the physical representation of her inner strength. The only reason she has those dragons is because she walked into her husband’s funeral pyre and hatched them from stone like she hatched herself out of the stony shell of a weary, fearful teenage girl the world had forced her into being. And out of that pyre came out dragons and a woman with so much might the world watched in awe. Some people may call her Khaleesi, an unusual title which has stuck into people’s minds to the point where non-watchers recognize the title as her name. She is the most recognizable character in the show to the point where her hair colour has been a trend that has become every hair stylist’s worst nightmare, where people have named their children and pets after her and her title. She is also noticeably the show’s best marketing strategy, she is the one with the most personally dedicated amount of merchandising, and is relentlessly used by HBO’s marketing team to promote the show. But I digress. Sort of. The amount of power her character has both on and off-screen is indisputable and is probably what led us to the gigantic mess that has been season 8. She has too much power. Even away from the show’s narrative. She has had an impact on women. She has marked us, branded us with her might. And the show does not know how to handle this.

So, Daenerys, one of the most iconic female characters of this generation goes to Westeros. Unluckily for her, her arrival into Westeros also coincided into her arriving into the male protagonist’s territory. And that was the show’s last straw in deciding to let women have that much power. This is her fatal flaw, existing in the same realm as the male protagonist. The writers realized right then and there that they had greatly miscalculated. Because of how much power they had let Daenerys accumulate over the years she had spent far far away from the male protagonist’s character arc, she had become a threat to the sacred male character’s hero journey.  See, that’s the issue with having a strong female character that you let grow into her own power for 7 seasons, where she is free to go into conflict with men after men after men who all share the same unlucky traits: they are all both non-white and not the main male protagonist. So, Daenerys brings them all to their doom, they try to tackle her, try to diminish her, take her power away. They try, all of them, so many times. And they all inevitably fail. Because she is powerful. And men and women alike bow to her when they realize her might and her power. She is a goddess incarnate, dragons or not. She is so powerful fire dares not harm her. She is unique, mystical, mythical and strong. And not only is she powerful and strong, she is beloved by her people, her own soldiers follow her not out of fear but out of complete devotion, because she frees them, gives them the freedom she had wished someone would give her and finally realized she had to give to herself. She is a woman. She is their mother. She has power. She frees people, loves them, inspires them and has so much power the world shakes beneath her feet and fire fears her wrath.

And then comes season 7, along with Jon Snow, D&D, and Tyrion’s shitty battle plans. Whatever, it’s all one and the same. It’s all there to take her out piece by piece. That’s it, that’s been the show for two seasons now and I wish I had realized it earlier. I mean, I had my moments of realization here and there, but damn was I severely unprepared.

In Season 7 episode 2, Daenerys has a council made up of 4 women (Olenna, Ellaria, Yara, Missandei) and 3 men (Varys, Tyrion, Theon – and I’m only including Theon out of pity). By episode 3, Daenerys has 1 woman – Missandei, who unlike the other women does not advise her on military tactics – left in her council, and just as many men. Hell, by episode 5, she has gained three more men who ‘advise’, or more accurately question her every move. Jorah (I mean not you bby, come back to us), Jon and Davos, who is more of a comic relief personal pep-talker than anything else. But Varys and Tyrion’s advice grows like ivy and tries to strangle Daenerys from every angle. They try to control her more and more with every episode.

How the hell did I not notice right there and then where this was going? I don’t know, call me blinded by love.

How the hell did Daenerys end up with so few women left in her council? Men happened. The writers, the characters, all of them. That is literally the first thing they did to her storyline in season 7. It went something like this:

1) Get Daenerys to Dragonstone.

2) Get Ellaria and Yara out and destroy some of those ships, she has too many ships, that’s bad, can’t have her be too powerful.

3) Get Olenna out, but like, not at the exact same time because that would be too conspicuous, let’s wait another episode or two. Oh, and take out some of those Unsullied soldiers and even more of her fleet.

4) After one fucking badass battle let’s kill two random traitor assholes who have sided with the queen who murdered their former queen and daughter of their liege lord, their liege lord, their liege lord’s son and a good chunk of King’s Landing’s population on the field of battle who have refused her generous offer to get their titles and lands back if they just join her against the murderous queen. And also that one offer of going to the wall to protect the realm. They refuse. She kills them. Tough luck, bitch. Bad choice, should have probably offered them a cup of tea and a warm blanket instead as they went back to King’s Landing to fight you and kill your army at their nearest convenience. You fucked up because idk, Dickon was kinda hot I guess. Yeah and also they have names and one relative people know on the show, so that’s bad for you. Randyll and Dickon Tarly. You don’t know it yet, but this one is gonna be bad for you because you are now evil and your hand and his shitty bff are now saying you are mad. Maybe you should have been, maybe you should have killed them both too. If only. Sigh.

5) Have her lose a dragon. Give it to the Night King instead, she is too powerful.

6) Have her fall in love with the man who would bring her doom. Have her save his life. Have her think that maybe she deserves something good as she grieves her child’s death. They decide he’s the one who is going to kill her. Because having her become mad isn’t bad enough. She has to be killed by the one man she has let herself love not out of obligation but out of mutual admiration.

7) Make her promise to help defeat the Night King and go North to fight him.

Now, they take all that away from her. But they give her a love story with Jon Snow in return. And you think, alright, at least she’s not alone in this world.

And then we move on to season 8. The ultimate acceleration of events because they realized that they needed to wrap this shit up and that people didn’t hate her enough. So, Season 8 is where you learn that the plot twist to end them all was that Jon Snow was going to be the one who destroyed everything Daenerys has and is and will be the death of her. Groundbreaking work there. I wonder if GRRM has the same ending planned. So here’s the plan in Season 8:

1) Get Daenerys to WinterHell. Everyone is behaving like assholes. Bran is a cold little bitch who’s like “remember your dragon? Your dead dragon? He’s back and now he wants us all dead yayyy” and she has like zero seconds to process it because ‘we don’t have time for all this’. But you know what we have time for? Sansa hating her. The xenophobic MAGAs hating her. That’s valuable screentime. Sansa hates her for daring to bring her SoLdIeRs to her HoUsE and her DrAgOnS who she can’t believe are there to fight. Sansa brings up food issues when she knows the wall has been breached and the Night King is bound to arrive very shortly. She knows Daenerys isn’t going to stay here very long. Doesn’t matter. She (the writers) wants to be angry and petty and so she is. Because we couldn’t possibly have women collaborating on this show. Not after last season! Notice how they left out every single woman in Dany’s circle? Cause who would want THAT. Am I right MEN? I hope the meninists are having a good time.

2) Jon doesn’t comfort her much, doesn’t defend her much. He’s there. Like, he’s a physical man who barely says anything and is there. His purpose is to be… There, I guess. Good for him. He has everyone’s support anyway. He’s a man and he’s there. That’s all they ask of him. He’s not formally the King but he is the King anyway. He has the power. He makes the decisions. He’s a man.

3) Daenerys gives Jon access to her dragon. The one she gave metaphorical birth to. The one she walked into a pyre for. He has it. He has access to her power.

4) Jon now knows who he is. The man who tells him is that one relative of the family that Daenerys killed last season. He hates her. He tells Jon to take her throne, that it’s his anyway because he’s a man. He says that Daenerys is evil and should bend the knee to him. Jon then ignores Daenerys for at least an entire day while she has to face the man who killed her father, made her a homeless orphan on the run who lived on the streets, in fear, running away from assassins. She is angry but listens to a woman’s tale about him, asks for Jon’s opinion on the matter. She lets him have the decision.

5) The Night King comes. Daenerys’ armies are first in line and defend WinterHell with everything they have. Daenerys herself is first in line. Jon Snow wants to wait around. Daenerys has a sudden jolt of independence run through her spine, claims back her own authority and climbs on her dragon, burns as many wights as she can. Jon Snow follows her mechanically, like a lost puppy, gets attacked by the Night King and Viserion. This injures Rhaegal. Daenerys knocks evil Mr. Freeze down from HER precious bby boy and tries to burn him. It doesn’t work. She saves Jon’s life a second time in the process. And then a third, risking her and her dragon’s life for him. She ends up on the ground, with her oldest friend with a sword made of dragonglass and fights for her life. Her oldest friend dies in her arms.

6) And so it goes down from here.

This is the moment you’d think SOMEONE somewhere would show the tiniest fucking bit of sympathy, of gratitude. And they don’t.

What we got instead in Episode 4 was Daenerys being alone as Jon was being praised for her accomplishments. Jon falls upward as Daenerys faces consequences for her actions, good or bad, it doesn’t matter. Daenerys faces consequences because the show wants her to. She is alone. She begs Jon not to tell anyone about his ‘rightful claim’. He betrays her and tells his family. She has warned him Sansa can’t be trusted. Turns out Sansa can’t be trusted. And on it goes as Sansa, Tyrion and Varys plot behind her back to make sure that Jon falls upward for the uptenth time, Varys even going as far as to suggest killing her. His reason is that she is a woman and he can’t control her. That is Daenerys’ biggest crime on this show. And it won’t let her live it down. Hell, they’ll kill her for it. There is talk of a wedding between Jon and Daenerys. Somehow this is a bad idea because she is too strong and cannot be controlled.

She is too strong. Too much. Too powerful. That is Daenerys’ problem. She is too much and too much of a she. She is a dragon they cannot tame.

7) And just because she hasn’t had enough already they kill another one of her dragons for shock value, out of nowhere, with no purpose whatsoever but to show that they could. That she would be ‘mad’. That this somehow was the point of her character. It feels gross and unjustified.

8) And then, because why the fuck not at this point, fam, they go and execute Missandei. It has no purpose other than to show us that they put a former slave back into chains to kill her, to make Daenerys and Greyworm angry. That is what her life is worth. Her value will be the sum of two other character’s madness level.

And the countdown accelerates.

Let’s go back to when everything changed for Daenerys Targaryen. Let’s go back to Season 7, Episode 3. The moment where Daenerys Targaryen met with Jon Snow, hero extraordinaire, broody, rugged, manly and characteristically lacking of ambition. Jon Snow is a Bildungsroman’s wetdream of a protagonist. A poor little bastard boy hated and mistreated by his (semi-evil) stepmother who somehow rises to great heights despite everything adversity has thrown his way and who somehow ends up being the Chosen One to lead them all out of the darkness and to fight evil. Like Harry Potter, Frodo Baggins, King Arthur and countless other Christ-like figures before him, Jon Snow is good. That’s it, that’s all there is. That’s all you need to know about him, that’s all the story wants you to know about him. He is good. Sure he makes mistakes, but he’s good. He’s killed a child but he had his reasons, he killed a man begging for his life, but he had disobeyed him. He is good. And to top it all off, the lucky bastard just might happen to be a man. He is therefore the Chosen One. He is thus because he is He.

In Season 7, Episode 2 when Melisandre introduced to the audience the show’s own version of an Arthurian prophecy – Azor Ahai or: ‘the prince that was promised will bring the dawn’ – the show had its last inkling of an ability to pretend that they could somehow have a woman be a hero. Daenerys’ only female adviser and personal translator Missandei of Naath (a former slave they had captured and chained last episode just to kill her, in case you’d ever think the only woman of color in this show could die as a free woman) pointed out that that the High Valyrian word for ‘prince’ is genderless and that it could mean that Daenerys might also fit that prophecy. They also introduced the idea that BOTH Daenerys and Jon would play a role in this. I was fine with this. I thought all of their parallels from previous seasons meant that their fates were linked and that they would be two sides of the same coin.

If only the show had stopped right there. If only they hadn’t even tried to bring that up when they didn’t need to, when they didn’t even need to pretend to care. I’m wondering what the purpose of this line was. What was the meaning? A red herring? A last sliver of hope? Their last attempt at trying to pretend women mattered as more than canon fodder to further narratives, as more than bodies to be used and killed for entertainment’s purposes? It doesn’t matter. The very next episode sent off the ticking time bomb on Daenerys’ life.

In Season 7 Episode 3, Daenerys Targaryen met Jon Snow. The writers called it “A meeting of Ice and Fire” continuing on their claim that this is what the entire show had been leading up to, that even in Season 1, GRRM had told them that this was important, that the story was about these two characters coming together. I was pumped. I was rejoicing. The whole meaning of the show was right in front of me. And here’s how it happened: they made Daenerys look smug and entitled, having Jon Snow look humble and measured in comparison and when I watched it, I was taken aback, I didn’t understand what they were doing. I remember thinking that the way they were framing it looked weird because she was just as much of a protagonist as he was. I had been stupid enough to think the show could have a female protagonist when they already had a male protagonist.

The show wanted you to side with Jon Snow. The show wanted to make it clear that if you had to choose between Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow, you would choose Jon Snow. Humble, measured, naïve, male Jon Snow.

The ‘General Audience’ caught onto that. The moment Daenerys’ set her eyes on Jon Snow, she had lost. You should go and have a look on the comments of the Youtube videos of their first meeting. On that day, Daenerys was the villain. She lost that day, because she was in the man’s way. Because she spoke to him and didn’t bow. Because she stood there, fire and might, and didn’t let him take everything from her right on the spot. He was asking her to lay her entire life’s goals aside to help him with nothing in return. She was painted as arrogant for not bending to him and his will on the spot.

If only things had stayed that way. If only she’d stayed ‘arrogant’ and hadn’t let him close. Would she still become ‘mad’? Would she still lose it all anyway to make sure he would get it all in the end? Probably. Because why not? Why would the show give the most powerful woman any other outcome?

I guess the moral of this story is that women are only allowed to have power as long as it doesn’t interfere with a man’s ability to have more power than they do. And isn’t that what Varys has been telling us in the latest episode? That Daenerys and Jon would never be able to rule together because she was too strong for him and would bend him to her will? Because what could be worse than a strong woman having power? A strong woman potentially having power over a man. And so the ticking clock went off on Daenerys’ life. Her time has run out, because the show needs to have the male hero to win over everything, and if he can’t because a woman is in the way of the inherent inevitable male-centric greatness he will stumble and fall into reaching... Well then, it’s the woman’s fault and she angry and mad. So Daenerys will be mad and angry and hysterical and evil and he will kill her. Take that, woman she show tells you. Take that and die. We don’t need you when we have a male protagonist.

In a way, this show will end quite like the fairy tales warned us it would. The white knight, the Chosen One, the Prince that was promised, in his shining armour of goodness will swoop in and kill the evil dragon(Queen) to save the realm. And if this is a fairy tale then the dragon had it coming for daring to stand in the hero’s way. Perhaps the dragon ought to have apologized and stepped aside, perhaps the dragon ought to have known its place. Perhaps the fairy tale’s magic kingdom should have stopped the dragon’s rise before. And they did try. All of those men are knights, even the worst slavers of them all. Knights because they fought the dragon. They died trying to take her down. Perhaps they were right, then to try and defeat her. Perhaps it is sad, after all that the dragon took those poor men down. But it’s alright, the male protagonist will win. Because that’s what he does.

But if this is winning then why does it feel like rage and fire?

Because somehow the dragon is every woman. “You are a dragon” is what this show is telling me, as if that was a bad thing. “You are a dragon. You are too much. You ask too much. We will not bow to you, begone, be slain, you are in the man’s way. You are a hiccup in his rise to greatness. You will be killed prophetically and be swept aside and the hero, the man – the words somehow become synonymous – will inevitably win. And down you will go, defeated and broken. You and your might. You and your will. You and your power. Bow to us, woman, to our will, wishes, words and actions. Bow to us.”

The show wants me and you to know that. The show wants you to see what happens to women who stand in the way of men’s ascension to power, who are too powerful, who are too much for the story to handle. You are a dragon and you will die.

But dragons are fire made flesh risen from the ashes and dragons do not go down without a fight.

In a show that wants women to gaze adoringly at the male protagonists, women like Daenerys Targaryen have no place. They have no place because the show cannot fathom how someone could take her seriously, could value her efforts and her strengths when men are… There. That’s all they need to be.

And from that same patriarchal cesspool of a show/fictional society was also born Cersei Lannister, evil queen incarnate. She was the protagonists’ – male and female –  foil, their enemy, and she still is somehow, but she is also apparently doomed to be the female protagonist’s future. Cersei is evil because she has power. Cersei is bad because she is a madwoman. Cersei is all of your fairy tale’s evil spinsters. Cersei is in the way of a man’s greatness. And Cersei is Daenerys’ future as much as she is Sansa’s, or mine or yours. Bow down, women. Or be villains.

And so, in Season 8 Episode 4, as they tried to tear down at the last piece’s of the main female protagonist’s might they ignited the enraged fire that women try to swallow back down with every breath, for fear of being slain for having shown too much power and might. And the audience has never loved Daenerys more than it does now. The audience has done the unexpected. People who hated her now want her to burn the world down. People who already loved her have never wanted her to use her might as much as they do now.

“Dracarys” was Missandei’s last word. The show didn’t seem to realize it was a call to arms. “Women everywhere, join her and burn it down” seems to be the meaning the audience got from Missandei. I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment.

The show wants me to think that ‘Dracarys’ was meant to take down the Cerseis of the world. It didn’t realize it made me want to take it down.

Maybe the show is right, maybe I, too, am a dragon ready to be slain. But if that’s the case I’m not going down without burning everything to the ground. Try and take me down, assholes.

[itsclydebitches]

Let me start by saying that I love all of your meta and analysis soooo much especially the ones about Ozpin. I was curious to hear what what do you think are some legit motally grey things/mistakes he did, not the garbage the haters love to throw around. The only things I can think of are either in an impossible situation with only shitty options (where I don't really consider the decisions as immoral since morality needs agency and the chance of a better choice) like with Pyrrha and Oscar (1/2)

Thank you, anon! And honestly? I couldn’t agree more. I often say that Ozpin has made mistakes partly so that people don’t blow off the points I’m trying to make with, “Oh an Ozpin stan. Ignore her, she thinks he can do no wrong and thus can’t provide an objective opinion.” But honestly? Not all mistakes are created equal. There are mistakes one makes because they’re selfish, foolish, didn’t bother to take precautions---things that are preventable and therefore invite heavy criticism and an acknowledgment of responsibility. However, there are also mistakes that, as you say, are simply outside of your control. You don’t have the information available to make an informed and therefore better choice, or you simply just have bad choices from the get-go. For me, the vast majority of Ozpin’s mistakes are the latter. 

Overall, I think the largest mistake he bears responsibility for is prioritizing his love for Salem over basic ethics. AKA, choosing to become a wannabe god with her and encouraging this mentality that they are intrinsically superior to everyone else in Remnant. Granted, there are many other factors involved in this, including Salem’s status as a creature now consumed by darkness (she was heading down this road no matter what Ozpin may have done differently) as well as her abuse towards Ozpin, her manipulation, and the sheer overwhelming terror of the goal Light set him. Which just reinforces that all Ozpin’s mistakes are understandable to one extent or another. He’s human and his mistakes resonate because, if people are honest with themselves, they’d probably admit, “Yeah. If I found the love of my life again I’d be tempted to ignore Light’s warning about her too. If I was offered a life of luxury and power under the guise of protecting the people, I might cave and go along with that as well...” We get how Ozpin got to that point, we may admit we couldn’t have done better, but we likewise understand that the man he became, regardless of how he got there---from natural human desires to abuse---isn’t okay. As Oz and his host ask themselves, “What are we doing?” And we see how he comes back from that edge. How he rejects that sort of power later when it’s offered to him after the Kingdoms were reunited. Ozpin learned from his mistakes. 

Which adds further complications to his choices in the present day. Just as Ozpin learned that the world doesn’t need him as an all-powerful figurehead, he likewise learned that sharing secrets leads to nothing but the worst kind of consequences. The first time he reveals what he’s hiding? His wife announces that she’s going to take over the world, then murders their children, then him. A more recent time he reveals information? A very close friend betrays him to said wife. Tries to kill him. Nearly kills his allies. Is eventually killed himself. The latest time he was forced to reveal information? People are shouting, grieving, he’s punched into a tree, the one friend still at his side completely rejects him. 

The fandom points to Ozpin’s lies and secret keeping among the group as his greatest mistakes and yes, objectively I agree. Without context I can say no, he shouldn’t have made a promise if he didn’t intend to keep it. He should have just told them that there were questions left, or that the relic attracted grimm. But the thing is that context is there and it always matters. I’ve spoken before about how I think Ozpin made that promise with precisely zero expectation that he’d ever be put into a situation where he might conceivably break it, that I’d also hesitate to tell a group that there were invaluable questions left when they were clearly eager to use them recklessly (which they then did), and that keeping the grimm aspect secret was the only logical course of action because telling them would just attract more. But even ignoring all of the potential justifications attached to each choice, I simply don’t believe we can ignore Ozpin’s trauma. I might not have lied to people like that, but I haven’t been horrifically traumatized for a thousand years whenever I do tell someone information. Ozpin has been conditioned not to tell people and though yes, everyone technically has free will, trauma like that will “force” you to take what you perceive as the only safe option. It fucks with your perception and your understanding of what even is an option in this situation. Ozpin simply no longer has the ability to go, “I’ll trust them!” like the others around him do and their reactions certainly didn’t help teach him otherwise. Imagine that for a thousand years you’re punched every time someone lifts their hand. Then someone you’ve just met demands that you stop flinching whenever they raise theirs. No matter how much you may want to stop, you can’t. Not immediately on someone else’s order. The human experience doesn’t work that way. 

(As a side note, the reason why I emphasize a thousand years so much is because I believe the extent of the trauma and its implied consistency is really relevant here. As is the close tie between that trauma and Ozpin’s choices. There are many other characters out there who I don’t believe “But they had a hard life!” excuses their actions: Snape, Bakugo, recently what I’ve read of Yennefer---among others. It’s notable to me that Ozpin didn’t endure traumatic events by revealing information and then, say, go abuse his students for years. Or tell someone to kill themselves. Or take over someone else’s mind. Not only is his trauma more extensive than the vast majority of characters we meet, but he hasn’t used that trauma as an excuse to get away with horrific---and unrelated---choices. The love of my life rejected me and then died... so I’m going to abuse eleven-year olds under my care. My mom is demanding and people cater to me too much... so I’m going to gleefully beat up my weakest classmate. I dealt with being ugly for a good chunk of my life and now can’t have kids... so I’m going to take away someone’s autonomy and endanger a whole town. Unlike most other characters with tragic backstories, Ozpin has a one-to-one correlation between that hard life and the mistakes he’s made: people hurt me when I tell them things... so I just won’t tell them things. By keeping that strong connection it eliminates the possibility that Ozpin is just using his trauma as an excuse (knowingly or otherwise) and he is, notably, still a good person beyond those very specific choices. We see his horror at the decisions he has to make. We see his endless attempts to be as kind towards others as possible. We see how much he’s fought not to allow his trauma to warp him into a person he’d despise. A person like Salem. Just like not all mistakes are created equal, for me not all people making mistakes are equal either. I’m less likely to forgive your mistakes if you’re an all around horrible person. You’re clearly a good person trying your best? Your mistakes are easier to stomach and, as discussed above, I’m more inclined to assume that these mistakes stem from things outside of your control. If someone who has been nothing but cruel to me lied I’d automatically be pissed. If someone who has been nothing but kind to me lied, I’m inclined to ask them why they did that, expecting that there’s a good reason attached to that decision.) 

So did Ozpin make mistakes? Technically yes, but I think they were mistakes largely outside of his control. Either he only had shit options available to him or he was in a position where the group demanded something of him that his mental health simply wouldn’t allow. People have to remember that we’re not Ozpin (insert obligatory, “He’s fictional” here). We have more options available to us when it comes to our choices, simply by means of not having gone through what he has. His choices are always limited, both by outside factors and his own experiences, and they likewise always have inevitable downsides. Ozpin doesn’t get the luxury of choosing anything that turns out well. 

As a final note, with Volume 7 underway I’d say that another potential mistake has been introduced: making Pyrrha the Fall Maiden. Meaning, unless the story reveals that Winter actually can’t become the next Winter Maiden due to her age (unlikely given that others have said the non-canonical age limit is 30), it raises the question of why he’d choose a 17 year old over a 20-some graduate. However, to me this is pretty clearly a writing issue. The creators were more concerned with keeping the story revolved around RWBYJNR than they were the implications of having Ozpin choose Pyrrha over a more suitable adult. So though yes, I’d technically consider that another mistake.... obviously not much Ozpin could do against his own creators lol. 

Which finally leads to me saying that although Rooster Teeth seems to want us to believe that Ozpin is a morally gray character, they haven’t succeeded in writing one well. That characterization requires a fair balance between what most would consider “good” and “bad” traits. Not a good person presented with only bad choices. Or a character so horrifically conditioned that his ability to make a better decision is almost impossible. We wouldn’t call a person who was manipulated or forced into doing bad things a morally gray character, nor would we use that term if, somehow, they were sick and that led to those choices. That’s how I view Ozpin, mentally as opposed to physically sick. After a thousand years he needs evidence that trusting people and giving them his secrets won’t result in him being hurt. Until he’s shown that, expecting him to trust people just because they insist they are trustworthy is like asking someone with a broken leg to run you a race. They can try, but good look expecting them to succeed. 

[nightsinneverland]

Aura, the Shield, and the Sword

Although Aura Storms hasn’t been around that long, she was given certain skills, gifts and wisdom that could fit into several centuries of living. Along with a sword engraved with Nordic and African runes and a dog that holds more to the visible eye, can Aura take any more challenges? Maybe say a soulmate who she thought was dead? Or maybe an entourage of heroes that are constantly in her way? 

-

Chapter Four.

3:45 am. Red letters glare at Steve Rogers from his digital clock settled uniformly on his nightstand. A glass of water and his notebook keeping it company.

Rolling onto his back, grimacing at the cold feel of his sweat-soaked nightshirt , he replays his dream in his head trying to decipher its meaning. 

A heavy storm paired with lightning and thunder strikes the top of a mountain. Or so he thought. Stumbling closer on the loose rocks, Steve squints to focus on the top of the mountain. His eyes widen at the sight of lightning shooting into a sword instead of the mountain. His eyes strain even more when he takes in a figure holding the long piece of metal.

There's a woman! His first thought is Peggy, but as the soldier gets closer to the woman, he realizes how wrong he is. 

A sharp tingle goes down the back of his neck all the way down to his toes and travels through his body until it finally settles on his left wrist. The wrist that holds the name of his soul mate. He knows her name by heart and memory. She's the girl he’s thought about ever since he could read her name on his body. His girl. His soul mate.

A mass of desperation comes over Steve as he attempts to get closer to take in any detail that this dream would gift him with. He gets close enough to take note of a head of long curly hair, wet from the storm and a slim athletic figure before a flash of lighting temporarily blinds him and immense pain causes his body to twitch.

He looks down for the source of pain to find the lightning enhanced sword buried in his abdomen. Slowly following the sword from his impalement to the hilt, he notices a slim hand covered in engraved symbols. His left wrist starts to burn.

With another flash of lighting, he looks up into the face of his attacker and is pulled into a sea of pale green.

Shaking his head to escape the grasp of his most recent dream, Steve rolls over to grab his notebook to write down every detail so he won’t forget. He wonders when he’s allowed to be out in the public eye again if he’ll ever find her.

Jotting down the last few notes of his mystery girl, Steve rolls back onto his side to try to chase a peaceful sleep and wondering how his Aura is faring.

-

4:30am. Brooklyn lets me know because for once, as there is no watch adorning my wrist. It got thrown off an hour ago about a quarter into my continued “tasting” of Stark’s expensive booze. He has good taste. I'll give him that!

An hour ago, I was rudely interrupted from my sleep with a deep burning from that damned soul mate marking. I’ve tried everything to make it stop. Spells, more runes, even antibiotic cream that may or may not have been expired. In the midst of me attempting a temper tantrum and throwing the stupid tube of not-working cream across the room into the trash, the fancy bottle of whiskey caught my eye.

Normal people drink to take the pain away of their mundane lives, so maybe it’ll take away this stupid burning on my wrist?

That question led me to now, drunk off my ass trying to get Brooklyn to dance with me.

“Come on Brook! Shake a leg!” I laugh, scratching behind his ear to get him to comply with me. Dark amused eyes stare back at me and a small wag of his tail lets me know he’s close to cracking.

I step back, giving him some room, still rocking side to side clumsily,waving my arms in the air like a maniac, “Shift! I need a dance partner,” I poke his wet nose and a long, black tongue rolls out. I got my answer.

I give Brooklyn another few inches of room so he can shift and so my drunk ass can enjoy the show. Short white curly fur slowly starts to shed onto my hardwood floors revealing an opaque black mass of swirly auras, his tail appears to shorten until there is nothing left, nails elongate into sharp black talons that would never hurt me and floppy ears that grow into thick red horns. Brooklyn slowly stands to his 8 foot height on two legs, barely brushing my high ceilings. He extends his arms out to me as an invitation.

“Now that's what I’m talking about”, I say, shimming into his arms and beginning a clumsy waltz around my spacious living room. The burning in my wrist is long forgotten.

-

7:30am. Natasha stares at the analog clock across her bedroom. The little hand becomes blurry as another cold shiver runs through her body. She’s weak. Extremely weak. And she hates it.

It’s been a week and a half since she snuck into the witch’s home and got a chunk bitten off by her huge mutt. Her wound is rapidly getting bigger and nastier and according to F.R.I.D.A.Y’S analysis it is assumed that the venom that is compromising her immune system came from the dog’s teeth. 

Natasha grits her teeth as she slowly lifts up her loose t-shirt, revealing a pus and blood infected gash on her waist. She looks to the ceiling to conceal her tears at the realization that it’s gotten bigger, almost reaching her hip.

A quick knock on her door kicks her into gear, shoving her t-shirt down and erasing the early presence of her crying, concealing the emotions on her face.

A head of spiky brown hair and eyes that scream “no sleep!” catch her attention. When they realize that she’s awake, a smile stretches across their face and they move into her room.

“Hey you! Glad you're up. We got some updates.” Clint tells Natasha, putting down a cup of tea on her nightstand and settling down on her bed.

He reaches over again to her nightstand and grabs a washcloth sitting in cold water and leans over his friend and teammate, “Her name is Aura Storms,” he says softly, gently patting away the sweat that’s formed on Natasha’s forehead, bringing the cloth down onto her cheeks to help cool her down.

“And her dog isn’t just a dog. We don’t know what it is but F.R.I.D.A.Y ran a scan on that thing when they were in the common room and it doesn’t have any organs or bones or anything of the sort. It just came up as a black mass.” Clint finished, bringing the cloth down to her neck and decollete, internally worrying about the lack of response from her.

Natasha’s hand slowly rose and settled over Clint’s wrist that was holding the cloth. “Do we know how to find her?”, the hope in her voice broke his heart. He reached his other hand to cover hers, gently patting and rubbing over the thin skin, knowing that she wasn’t going to like his answer.

“Not yet. But we will. I promise.” His eyes betraying him and watering at the dead look in Natasha’s eyes. He fights to maintain eye contact as the woman on the bed closes her eyes and turns her head away.

“I should've known better than to ask. She’s not someone you find. She finds you.” Natasha uttered, as she slowly took her hand away from Clint’s wrist and continued to turn onto her side facing away from the man silently crying.

Clint took her hint at telling him to leave. He leaned over to kiss the back of her head, put the cloth back into the bowl on her nightstand and left to find Tony and Bruce hoping for something new so he could lift Natasha's spirit and will to live.

[clickbliss]

13 Sentinels is a meandering, emotional mess of a science fiction story--that only just works

by Amr (@siegarettes)

13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim

Developer: Vanillaware

Publisher: Atlus, SEGA

PS4

Relentless in artistic and storytelling ambition, 13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim still comes off as lacking in confidence. It takes plenty of risks, and in presentation at least marches forward with a swagger that makes it clear Vanillaware knew how many people they could bring in purely on the promise of their incredible 2D artwork and its time-travel, mech centric premise, myself included. Yet by the time the credits roll on the game 13 Sentinels’ big ideas and ambitious remixes of the adventure game formula feel more like distractions than essential components of its storytelling. 

At its heart, 13 Sentinels is a visual novel style adventure game, played from a sidescrolling perspective. In order to produce the absurd level of detail put into the 2D artwork, scenes and animations are constantly reused, restricting the story to only a few key locations that’ll become very familiar by the end of the game. It’s an intimate story that seems borne both of necessity and intention, trading detail for pure visual variety. Returning Vanillaware and visual novel fans will feel right at home here, while fans of more sprawling adventures might initially be surprised. 

What it lacks in geographical scale it makes up temporal scale and its rapidly expanding cast. 13 Sentinels takes place across five different time periods, and, as you might have guessed from the name, tells the story through thirteen different protagonists. Stories jump around through points in time, with various time specific incarnations of each of them even making appearances. 

It becomes complicated to track, especially given character storylines often leave out huge chunks of a timeline in order to let it be filled in during another character’s plot. One chapter might have you complete an objective, only for the next to take place far after the results of your actions, leaving you at a loss to what happened in the meantime. It’s convoluted to the point where the game offers a dedicated Analysis mode, where you can unlock glossary entries for characters and places, as well as put the game’s events into proper chronological order. 

There’s an enjoyable puzzle box aspect to reconstructing what’s actually happening alongside the characters, but it doesn’t always pay off, particularly when you have to put one character’s story on hold to dip into other character stories, or the bothersome Destruction segments, which provide the “action” part of the game. Just over a third into the game however, I’d practically solved the puzzle box conspiracy beneath it, then spent about 20 more hours waiting for the reveals to occur within the story, and not exactly in a “dramatic irony” kind of way. 

I was still plenty invested in the characters and their fates, and story progress is at least gated in a way that paces out the story well, but at this point the broken up plot structure was more getting in my way of seeing the story through than adding any real intrigue. Especially with so many character stories rewinding back progress to reiterate ideas already explored. It became little more than a distraction, one that betrayed Vanillaware’s confidence that they could sell the game on its story alone. 

If the mystery box structure is a distraction, though, the Destruction segments are the equivalent of setting the next town over on fire. Attached to the main part of the game are pseudo-real time strategy sections. Action takes place over a short amount of time where you need to defend a specific point, with the game pausing to give you a moment whenever you choose commands. Up to six of the thirteen cast members can be operated during a mission, with the rest staying back to defend the point. Plenty of sub-systems and unit types are introduced during its runtime, but in the end it all boils down to rudimentary tower defense that isn’t particularly challenging for anyone with a basic understanding of the genre. 

Destruction mode is flashy, inoffensive, and sometimes even fun, but it misses a trick by not integrating any of the incredible art seen during its main game into the action. Aside from character portraits and small, postage sized previews of each attack, Destruction mode takes place entirely within a cold tactical map view, with little more than small icons representing your characters and enemies. The sound and hit effects manage to still sell the impact of your moves, and there’s excitement in seeing so many missiles and explosions take place that they cause the frame rate to plummet, but without even animated cut-ins of the attacks, the action here really lacks the humanity and charm present in the rest of the game. 

At the same time, the interface manages to be so visually busy that it becomes difficult to make out important information. I felt relieved that it never asked much of me, because the few times I did manage to fail it was because I lost important information in the noise, like the fact a certain enemy was shielding others, or even the fact that my character was taking damage. 

Destruction mode in ultimately nothing more than a break from the story, and not always a welcome one. It gives of the feeling of something grafted on because Vanillaware felt they couldn’t hold their audience’s attention without some kind of action sequence. Honestly, aside from a few moments near the end, it rarely does anything to add to the story, and the few events that occur during its events are almost entirely disconnected from anything that happens within the main plot. Vanillaware struggles so hard to make this part compelling, they literally had to stop me from progressing the story by gating character progress behind it, and forcing me to unlock entries in the glossary with currency that can only be earned here. It could be cut entirely, vastly improving the pacing of the game as a whole. 

Nothing makes it more clear how out of place it is than the prologue, which chops up segments of several characters’ plots, jumps between timelines and interrupts itself after each chapter with a Destruction segment that acts as a tutorial, making the narrative even more disjointed. I’d go so far towards saying that the prologue itself is the worst part of 13 Sentinels as a whole, condensing all its flaws into the weakest pitch for what eventually becomes a genuinely fantastic tale. 

The prologue makes sure 13 Sentinels gets off on a weak start, and combined with its first steps treading immediately in well worn science fiction tropes, you’d be forgiven for not believing that Vanillaware won’t be able to pull it off. Time travel, terminators, kaiju and plenty of other in-universe homages to 80’s pop culture create a familiar atmosphere, getting you a little too comfortable in your assumptions before setting up a constantly unraveling thread of reveals. Shades of Koji Suzuki’s RING novels appear here, foreshadowing similar late story twists with a similar kind of investigative voice. 

Through all its narrative experimentation, what ties it all together by the end is the cast itself. 13 Sentinels is ultimately a romantic tragedy about the ties made by a group of survivors. They change, develop, falter and even transcend time and consciousness, but they remain connected and can’t help returning as catalysts for each other. And like its characters, 13 Sentinels is often a mess, confused about what it wants to achieve, and not always able to express itself well. But it’s a heartfelt mess--a genuine one--and sometimes saying it with your heart means more than picking the perfect words.

[leagueofidiots]

So can we see the chapter that cloud anon was talking about? I'm curious now 👀

Lol sure

Cloud Nine, chapter 46

Spoilers for Vigilantes, character "death", descriptions of gore, human experimentation implied, Uj*ko implied

It's a beautiful day out. The sky's just the right shade of blue, the sun's shining through the clouds in just the right way, rimming the clouds with a soft yellow light. Today's going to be good. The sky's wishing me happiness.

Shouta and I walk down the sidewalk, or rather, he walks. I trained a little too hard yesterday and managed to pull a muscle, so I sit in one of my clouds. "I just don't see how you can---," he begins, but a small voice cuts him off.

"Hey, it's Loud Cloud!"

We turn the corner, and I see a teacher with seven kids, maybe about six years old. I grin. "Ooh, if it ain't the nursery brigade, out on a march!"

They giggle, and begin clambering up to join me. I pull them up as best as I can, but one slips off. "Careful! Don't fall now," says Shouta, pushing them back up before I can even react.

"Wait," he says then, stopping us from drifting into the street. "Look both ways before crossing."

I laugh at his sudden cautiousness. It's endearing, and a trait I wish I had more of. "You're a natural at this, Shouta."

"Nah, you're just careless," he says.

A kid clambers onto my back. "You'd be pretty good at working with kids. Like, at a daycare, or as a school teacher."

He rolls his eyes. "Me? No. You, maybe." That's a joke, it has to be. I'm basically a kid myself. "What could children possibly like about me?"

Once we're across the street, the teacher beckons, and all the children clamber off of my cloud. "Bye, Loud Cloud!" she calls, waving.

I wave back. "See ya!"

"Bye bye!" another small kid.

"Goodbye, Eraser Head!" says the one he saved.

I turn to him smugly. "See?" After recovering from his surprise, he gives a little wave. "It's cuz you're so observant that you overthink stuff. Like, you psych yourself out and convince yourself you can't. But you could do just about anything if you put your mind to it."

He turns to me, still looking a little surprised. "Anything…? Like run a daycare? Or be a teacher?"

I smile. "Yep. Exactly."

He laughs, and keeps walking. "Try thinking before you speak."

"Nah, I'm serious," I insist. There's a rumble, and we both stop in our tracks.

Shouta hears a noise from his pocket, and pulls out his phone. "Huh, it's from Kayama." He picks up, and his eyes widen the second her muffled voice begins speaking.

I turn towards the source, and feel my stomach drop. Something large. Massive even. People running. A burst of energy coming from the villain. Analysis: not good.

Shouta pulls me by the hand, and I hop off of my cloud, running back the way we came. "The villain's coming this way!" he yells when we see the kids again.

I shoot out my quirk, focusing on making it strong enough to hold. "Get on the cloud, kids!"

"O---okay!" They quickly begin climbing on, helped by their teacher.

"We're in for some weather…" says Shouta, looking at the distant grey clouds in concern.

But the day is bright, so I will be too. "C'mon! Evacuations are fun for everyone!" I call, leading the cloud after me, all seven kids atop it, teacher closely following.

There's an ominous cracking sound above us, and I look up, ready to produce as many clouds as I need to to stop any further damage. Just the villain though, not anything new. "It got here so fast!" cries Shouta.

"This guy's...jumbo sized!" I say helpfully.

His Purple Highness jumps in front of us. "Leave this to his majesty!"

"Boss?!?"

He leaps at the villain. "You two, get the little ones out of danger!"

We do as we're told, continuing on with a little more pep in our step. Suddenly, there's a loud and familiar "EEEEEEEEEEEEE" filling the air. Yet somehow...not.

"That was...Yamada's voice quirk?!?" Shots of energy come raining down next. "And now...Sensoji's blast! So he stores up other quirks in the lumps on his back?!?" Normally, I admire Shou's ability to think in a crisis. At the moment though, I wish he'd consider the kids' stress levels.

Another burst of energy comes from the villain, crashing into a nearby building. It crashes down, right in exactly the worst spot.

And now, I have a choice. I can only produce so many clouds at once, and making one solid enough to hold up against this rubble is going to take all the humidity I have access to. It can't be too big either, and I can't run with my leg like this.

It's me or the kids and their teacher.

I have my whole life ahead of me, sure. I have my parents and Morimi, who I'd promised I'd stay alive for. But in my mind, there is no option. "Cloud!" I bellow, aiming all my energy at the area above their heads.

I know what's coming, but I'm still not ready when it happens. The left side of my head is hit almost instantly with a large chunk of cement, and I feel myself be thrown to the ground. It hurts, and the pain just keeps coming, pinning my right arm, my stomach, my legs, the weight building up until I can't even breathe.

I hear Shouta screaming, but I can't bring myself to make any noise. Is this how it ends? There was so much I wanted to do…

With my left arm, saved only by the rocks balancing around it, I roll it out, and choke through my speaker, "You got this, Aizawa!" And then I can't. I meant to say more, wanted to desperately, but it all just builds in my throat like a clogged hose.

Maybe if I can just get more air...I need to tell him...He'll never be able to save everyone if he just lets his thoughts rest...I need to help…

By some miracle, I wiggle under the rocks, and catch a few gasping breaths. "You can do it, Shouta!" I cry, voice raspy and shaky and weak. "You're the only one who can protect everyone! It's alright---" another gasp, a wince of pain, "You can do this! You've got what it takes! After all, I know for a fact…" How much longer do I have? "You're strong! You won't lose!"

My voice is fading, my vision is blurring. "You can do it, Shouta!" I just want to say my proper goodbyes. "Don't lose, Shouta!"

The sky was so nice…The sky promised… "Come on, Shouta! You can do it, Shouta!" He has to...he has to…

"Shirakumo!" I hear his voice say faintly in the receiver in my ear. "I did it!"

I sigh. "Good…You did good." And with my job done, my world fades into a dizzying black.

🖤💠🖤💠🖤💠🖤💠🖤💠🖤💠🖤💠🖤💠🖤

Until it fades into a blinding white. My head...My arm...My legs...Everything hurts more than I would have thought possible, but I made it. I am alive, aren't I? Or is this heaven?

Heaven wouldn't give me such a killer headache. I reach up to touch my face, but...nothing. My arm won't move. I open my eyes, look down at myself, and---

Where am I? And why…? Why…?

I'm in a tank full of an almost-liquid, the pinkish goop somehow not hurting my eyes. But that's not what disturbs me.

"My arm...My legs…" I hear my shaky voice say, faint and pained. "Where…?" My stomach is in terrible knots, twisting upon itself like a Twizzler. I raise my left arm, still intact but heavily damaged, to my face.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…

The pain doesn't even phase me. Not now. It's unimportant, temporary. But the things my fingers feel…

Sharp, shattered bone. Everywhere. My head, my face, all of it. I'm missing the entire left side of my head. I'm gonna be sick. My brain, I can feel it, this is not okay. How am I alive? Is this hell?

This has to be a dream. Some terrible kind of hospital drug-induced nightmare. The sky promised it would be okay, and it will be. See? Here comes the doctor now.

[phoenix-downer]

Do you think--in fanfiction, at least (I'd say canon, but I don't think it'll have time for it), a post-KHIII Sora might regret how he treated Kairi's kidnapping in KHII, in thinking he should have been a BIT more worried back then, since the Organization could have killed her there? I don't think Sora was UNconcerned about her, but you get what I mean.

That’s a good question! 

Before I get into the meat of it, I want to make a case for him being pretty concerned about her even back then, because I’ve seen people argue that he didn’t seem to care much about her, and I don’t think this is the case. So I’ll dive into that first and then address your question.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I think he really was worried about her kidnapping in KH2. He did cry when he realized what had happened, even if the graphics of KH2 make it hard to see that:

The way his head moves in this scene + his voice makes it clear he is upset here, and Donald and Goofy have to cheer him up so he can continue his journey.

The second world visits in KH2 were good for fleshing out the worlds and characters more, but because a lot of them felt divorced from the “find Riku and Kairi” subplot, they had the unintended side effect of making it seem like Sora wasn’t really in a hurry to find them, even though right at the start of his part of KH2 he makes it clear what his goal is: find Riku so they can go home to Kairi:

As awful as being kidnapped must have been for Kairi, and as upset as that made Sora, I think he probably knew her life wasn’t in danger. She was a hostage, basically, and it was not in the best interest of the Organization to kill her. She was the “fire that [fed] Sora’s anger” in Saïx’s words, and if she had been killed, Sora would’ve lashed out in grief instead of attacking Heartless like the Organization wanted him to (so they could keep collecting hearts). Whereas Xehanort kidnapped and killed her in KH3 because he thought she was more useful to him dead, in KH2 she was more useful to the villains alive because she got Sora to do what they wanted him to. 

There was also something more... I don’t know, innocent doesn’t seem like the right word for KH2, but... while Sora’s problems had real stakes in KH2 and caused him real emotional distress, something about the obstacles he faced in KH3 just felt downright diabolical in comparison, like Nomura sat down and thought “okay, so how can I break Sora piece by piece in KH3,″ which isn’t a critique, just something I noticed. In KH2, you knew everything would be okay in the end, somehow. For all his tears you knew Sora would find Riku again and be reunited with Kairi. All those hardships just make his eventual victory that much sweeter. 

And from a writing standpoint, it’s good to throw hardship Sora’s way so he can overcome it, and that’s why we root so hard for him to succeed. But yeah, even though I wasn’t really happy with either of the Kairi-gets-kidnapped subplots in KH2 and KH3, the one in KH3 felt especially cruel. Main characters tend to have plot armor, and then KH3 came along and killed off both Kairi and then Sora himself by the end. 

So all of this is to say, I think given the tone of KH2, Sora showed the right amount of concern for Kairi. I didn’t even touch on the dogeza bow in this answer because I’ve discussed it before, but that also shows how much he cares for her and worries about her. And as an audience, we were never concerned about Kairi dying, because that just wasn’t the type of story KH2 was. We knew Sora would find her again, because that is what we have come to expect from these types of stories. The knight rescues the princess and they live happily ever after. So while Sora was upset and distressed, the stakes weren’t the same as they were in KH3. KH3 changed the status quo. We weren’t playing through a fairytale anymore (at least in the Disney sense), we were watching a Greek tragedy unfold, and opening KH3 with Olympus perfectly reflects that.

Sora’s grief and emotions in KH3 were a magnitude order higher because suddenly the plot armor was gone and anyone could die, so of course it was the one person he loves more than anything who did. And then he himself paid the ultimate price to save her. 

Getting into the meat of your question, though, I can see Sora regretting not prioritizing Kairi, regretting putting his duty over his heart. I don’t know if you’ve seen Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon...

(slight spoilers after the gif)

...but two of the main characters realized they wasted their whole lives fulfilling their duty when really, they would’ve been happier being together (which is a fascinating commentary on wuxia movies as a genre that I won’t go into here because it’s beyond the scope of this analysis, but worth noting). 

Much like the two characters in that movie regret not spending their lives together, I’m sure Sora regrets not spending more time together with Kairi while he could have, or even for taking their time for granted before they were separated, because he assumed they’d always be there for each other. 

I bet her kidnapping in KH2 made him feel powerless and helpless and angry and frustrated, hence why he cried after it happened. But then he got her back, and all was safe and well in the worlds, and he could relax a little. But then KH3 happened, she wasn’t safe, and her kidnapping and death made him feel even more powerless and helpless and angry and frustrated, which, going by his reaction, seems to be the case:

One of the reasons why people cry is feeling helpless and powerless, and grief will do that to you - you want the person you loved back because your heart feels like it’s missing a huge chunk without them, but they’re gone and you can’t do anything about it and it feels awful. You feel like your own life is out of your control and you don’t know what to do, you have to do something to try to fix it, but you feel like nothing can make that ache go away unless you get the person you love back somehow. 

Which, Sora did - he managed to bring Kairi back. He was reckless, sure, but he was grieving, and his recklessness and disregard for his own life makes sense in light of that.

So yes, I think he would have regrets. He would regret not spending more time with her, he would probably blame himself for her death (“If only I’d been stronger/better/faster, I could’ve stopped it from happening”), and even once he’d saved her, I think he’d be afraid of losing her again. It’s one thing for her to lose her heart, it’s one thing for her to be kidnapped - both are tragedies in their own right - but it’s another entirely to lose her completely, for her to be dead and gone. 

And then when he had saved her, he would feel guilty about abandoning her again by fading away, I think. All she wanted was to be together, and he couldn’t even keep that promise to her. He would probably feel like a failure in that regard, and his more recent “failures” would make the past ones seem that much worse. Her kidnapping and death in KH3 would make her kidnapping in KH2 feel worse because it’s a repeat of the trauma and he couldn’t stop it from happening, either time. 

In the future, even once they’re reunited, I think he would be scared of losing her again. He’d also probably be dealing with a lot of guilt, regret, self-blame, and feelings of powerlessness (although I’m sure being able to take action and save her helped alleviate that somewhat). So yes, I think he would kick himself for not realizing how much he cared until she was gone. 

Which means that going forward, he’ll probably treasure every moment with her that much more, and that could make for some really tender and moving scenes, whether in canon or in fanfic and fanart.

Thanks for the ask!

Edit: the “Read More” link is STILL not working, argh! My apologies, everyone. Again, please just blacklist #long post if you don’t want to have to scroll through all these. I’ve even tried editing the HTML code and it is just not working.