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percyjacksonfan3 · 4 years ago

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The Last Olympian Thoughts

So because I have absolutely 0 self-control or restraint when it comes to this series and its characters, and for The Last Olympian in particular, I could not put TLO down. Because of this I figured I couldn’t do the usual photo reaction posts I have been so far, because the spam would just be ridiculous, so I am stealing the idea from @yourstrulytaaay to do a masterpost instead. (Adding a Read More cause this got ridiculously long)

Fun fact, TLO came out right after i finished reading the series for the first time so it's the first PJO book i bought and my only hard cover one for the og series. I checked the year and turns out it was published 2009, which means i was actually 9 when i read the series for the first time. I realize this is not really a fun fact but i thought i was older when I first read the series so it's blowing my mind a little ‘cause now I’m 21 and everything hits different and i still have so much love for this series and the characters Okay onto book thoughts: - i was right that this book is gonna destroy me, the first line alone made me so excited and nostalgic it's ridiculous - I love Rachel and Percy sm tbh. Her being a bit of peace and normalcy in his life without always reminding Percy of who and what he is is so good for him. Just a little escape

- of course by the end of the book that's not the case any more but by the end he's lived his prophecy so he doesn't need it as badly, plus he and Annabeth are solid again - Percy saying Annabeth has been hard to be around lately... Ouch my heart. Luke really is the last thing that keeps them from being together and Percy is so jealous and Annabeth so torn and in pain, i feel so bad for them both

- Beckendorf 🥺🥺 - the telkhine with the Lil Demon lunchbox!! I forgot about him. Percy: 'i left him alive, partly because his lunchbox was cool' is one of my absolute favourite lines tbh - Paul taking Percy crabbing and being imperative in helping Percy kill the giant crab 💖 Paul Blofis is important and deserves the world, okay? - aw Percy, you can't save every demigod bb

- 'i had to fight him eventually. Why not now?... What difference would a week make?' Oh Percy you have no idea - real talk tho, the fact Kronos possessed Luke's body would also mess me tf up. Percy keeps forgetting it's not Luke anymore and yeah, that would be so so hard and confusing af, like what another smart little mind game for Kronos to pull on top of everything else - the fact Percy fights Kronos before getting the Achilles Curse and actually doesn't die within seconds is... Astounding. He kicks him in the chest! And yeah Kronos is weaker and still adjusting to Luke's body, but Percy is having trouble fighting Luke cause they used to be friends - Percy breaks Kronos' time magic!! Like?! Boy is POWERFUL.

- OUCH - honestly Luke, Thalia and Annabeth's family breaking the way it did... Don't talk to me. Poor Annabeth, Luke betrayed them, Thalia joined the Hunters because of Luke's betrayal so she's pretty much AWOL all the time and then Luke dies. Like Rick wtf, my heart can't take it? -Percy and Tyson having each others backs when talking to Poseidon in the underwater palace is the brother-brother relationship we love to see - Percy trying to stick a sand dollar in the vending machines at school 🤦🏻‍♀🤦🏻‍♀ - the whole underwater interaction at Poseidon's palace? Perfection. Awkward family drama and all - Connor falling out of the tree when he sees Percy because he's so excited 😂😂

- 😭💖

- k, ik Clarisse isn't perfect but tbh if i was a child of Ares whose father was disrespected and hated by my fellow campers (ares deserves it but still) and that disrespect trickled down to how the other campers treated ME (which if Percy is reliable here, it obviously does) then i would also be irritated at being used for muscle and nothing else? And just expected to fight with the people who act as if they'd rather not have Ares kids around the rest of the time. Like Clarisse isn't totally wrong - Percy reading the prophecy, seeing he's meant to die and just being like 'i do not see it' and refusing to outright think about it makes me so sad for him - (but it taints every action after and he's super reckless afterwards bc of it- including finally breaking and accepting the Achilles Curse) - (also him taking this as the last straw and finally beginning to show Annabeth how he really feels, cause fuck it, he's dying anyway) - Give me more info about Rachel's backstory and family Rick!! - how did i forget Percy willingly eats chocolates that taste like cardboard because 'i didnt have anything against cardboard' like sir? Ik Silena didn't want them but still? - 'she'd always been cute, but she was starting to be seriously beautiful' STOP, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT - Percy staring at Annabeth and forgetting what they're talking about cause hes so distracted 👌🏻

- hmm yeah... For some strange reason.... - i forgot how Percy totally bombs this convo bw them and now want to cry 😭 Annabeth is trying to talk about what's important and Percy, you sweet oblivious man, you're shooting her down without even realizing - love that they're both on the same wavelength tho. Percy two lines before, hmm it's cool to date ppl from other cabins, wonder why im thinking that around Annabeth, my best friend in the world, and then Annabeth a beat later, hmm, let me bring up Silena and Beckendorf and how it's important to be with the people you love when you have the chance, no way Percy will miss this huge hint right? - they're the best - k i honestly forgot Percy full on physically intimidates Leneus like that - luke telling his mom if he ran away the monsters wouldnt get her..i can just imagine luke crying when he says good bye before running away because he thinks it's his fault his mom is like that and he cant take care of and protect her anymore because it's too hard - uh oh now i have angsty pre-lightning thief luke fic inspo... Him, Thalia and Annabeth on the run... The ANGST - Rick holds absolutely nothing back in this book and i am in pain - HESTIA!! 💖💖🥰 - actual loml - i love that Rick titled this book after her and that he wrote such a great series about the importance of family (biological, found or otherwise) and home, and that he said actually Hestia is the most important bc shes the most humble and keeps the peace and knows when to fight and when to yield and you protect what you love, which is your home - i just... Adore Hestia - Grover! Missed you babes - Hades is so so horrible to Nico, always comparing him to Bianca :/ - but i do love Hades, Persephone and Demeter together they make me laugh - oh god the River Styx - Achilles 🥺 - Annabeth being Percy's lifeline is, and continues to be, A Lot™ - 'my name was Percy Jackson. I reached up and took Annabeth's hand.' LOL Why am i crying? - Like the fact there is no Percy without Annabeth, and that remembering her literally reminded him of who he is in his very soul... It's fine im fine - i won't even get into the parallels of her being his lifeline now and then later when Hera takes his memories but leaves the memory of Annabeth for Percy to fight to get back to (anyone who wants to yell about it with me... Feel free to message) - badass Percy is my fav Percy tbh - him defeating Hades?? Like? Hades is arguably the most powerful god, okay - i feel bad for Nico but if i was Percy I'd do the exact same, Nico, sorry man but this is a high stakes time crunch deal and Nico is literally the only hope of persuading Hades and distracted by his own internal stuff - flashbacks to Luke, Thalia and Annabeth hurt, ow - George and Martha are the best - damn i forgot Hermes full on nearly kills Percy here, yikes - Luke stop cockblocking Percabeth challenge

- i love!! Percy's love for New York!! So much!! - Percy leaving to live in New Rome in HoO is a lie and this is all the proof i need for why - the fact the entire last half of the book is the battle and aftermath... Such great buildup and pacing. All the tricks and twists and battles in this War of Manhattan? I would not take out a thing, Rick, you legend - of course then the final battle in hoo with the gods is what? Two pages? Ugh, don’t talk to me about my hatred for BoO and HoO - 'no detours you two' is still the cutest thing!!! - THE HUNTERS!! Thalia i missed you - good job Percy, you finally spent your sand dollar - Minotaur!! - 'dont i get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition right?' Percy finds out he's gonna die and is out of fucks to give and honestly I support him - also Michael just standing beside these two while they're flirting like umm 👀 👀 while a monster army marches towards them, nbd - Annabeth taking Ethan's knife meant for Percy!!! Cause she just knows his weak spot without him even telling her! They literally invented love - Feral Percy is so scary omg, i love how well Rick incorporates the Achilles Curse in this novel, with the whole heightened weaknesses and stuff ans the parallels to Achilles arrogance being what killed him and Percy's loyalty, fierceness and protective instinct being his own heightened weakness - the fact that Percy is the one who inadvertantly kills Michael Yew tho, I'll never recover from that - the fact Hades offers Maria di Angelo a golden palace by the Styx like how Poseidon offers Sally a palace under the sea tho. Let's talk about that parallel - the entire talk with Prometheus is so so good - not me picturing young Luke hiding in the closet to get away from his mom when she has an 'episode' -i love callbacks in stories and all of the callbacks to the rest of the series in this book make me very happy (medusa, minotaur, the underworld, Rainbow!! My baby!!, Daedalus and more) - Percy summoning a wholeass hurricane against Hyperion - the Party Ponies! They're so chaotic, i love it - Dionysus! 😁 I can't help it, i love him - Percy absolutely losing it when he sees Sally and Paul asleep in the car 🥺 - Rachel telling Percy he's not the hero screws with him so much :( poor bb - although i really really love how Rick wrote this, it's so refreshing to not have one chosen one save the world, but a combination of people - the drakon, Silena and Clarisse make me cry - the Patrochilles references, im not okay - Annabeth giving up on Luke after hearing what he did to Silena and Percy telling her that doesn't make him happy 😭 that whole interaction makes my heart ache - Percy giving Hestia Pandora's pithos 🥺 - and Hades, Nico and the others coming for a final attack is so badass, i love it - listen im glad the og trio were the ones to confront Luke on Olympus but the fact Thalia got so close and then pinned by a statue of HERA makes me so sad. Ik her and Luke were finished and she coped by cutting him off completely and giving up all hope but i would pay money to know what they would have said to each other to say goodbye - Ethan 🥺 - Poseidon joining the fight against Typhon is so cool, such a great scene - 'PEANUT BUTTER!' - Annabeth you brilliant badass you - RIP Luke, you werent great but you werent the worst either - the gods just rolling up seconds too late, wondering wtf happened in Olympus and who the dead body is - the chapter where the Olympians meet and give out rewards is one of my absolute favourites (again i am incensed we didn't get anything like this in HoO) - will Percy turning down immortality ever not make me scream in glee? No? Alright then - Annabeth being relieved like Percy was relieved at the end of Titan's Curse tho - oh Hermes :/ - its so hard reading all this and knowing what comes in HoO... Like it's such a cathartic, earned and mostly happy and peaceful ending and then HoO comes along and undermines it all - aww Rick let Paul see Olympus somehow pls, he deserves it, he killed a dracanae - (i would also love to see it) - Percy being more upset Rachel took his pegasus than her going to Camp and possibly dying, lol, priorities dude - i honestly think that Rick had other ideas for the second Great Prophecy and how things would go down in BoO, cause the prophecy like... Barely applies to BoO, Doors of Death are in book four, and explabations of it is all so unclear when Rick is usually pretty good with that stuff - PERCABETH - lol Percy complaining about privacy when he and Annabeth are caught kissing literally in the middle of the very open and public dining pavilion, okay - BEST UNDERWATER KISS OF ALL TIME - that's it and im a glass case of emotion - very happy to say that this series remains my favourite of all time 💖

If anyone ever wants to come gush about anything Riordanverse related feel free, because as you can see I have a lot of thoughts about it all

#lau rereads pjo #the last olympian is my favourite book for a REASON #honestly every line is killer #so much subtext to read into #the dialogue #the relationships are dialed up to 11 #every character is so on point #the battle strategies too? are just so interesting?#I just adore it #Tay don't read any of this yet cause it's all spoilers #alright I'm gonna go write fic to express these feelings now #tlo #the last olympian #pjo #pjato #percy jackson

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joanofarkansass · 4 years ago

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Part 33 Meta

Ok watching “Part 33” Law and Order: SVU S20E14 and it’s such a good character study of all the SVU characters. For context the case is when a woman, Annabeth Pearl, kills her abusive husband. The episode is spliced between he team is waiting there to testify for Stone and the case itself and is shot entirely in the courthouse (which is smart move on the writers part it really narrows the scope and sets it apart from a regular episode). The viewers really see the team’s attitudes toward justice, morality, and duty especially how it intersects -- and occasionally interferes -- with their jobs. Spoilers obviously

Sonny- He’s the most outwardly emotional out of the gang and the audience can see how he really empathizes and cares about justice for Annabeth instead of justice to Annabeth, despite her being the defendant. He argues passionately with Rollins and on the stand adds his own (legal) conjecture to his testimony with Stone, putting doubt on the loving marriage between Annabeth and her husband, directly undermining Stone. Drawing back, Sonny knows that cases don’t end when they leave the squad-room and the victim’s and perpetrator’s futures continue into the courtroom and he takes his moral compass seriously. He’s studying to be a lawyer. In his job as a cop his job is to back up the ADA and land a conviction, but he doesn’t believe she should go to jail (that her killing was justified) so on the stand, sure he tells the truth, but also does whatever he can to get her justice. Though his earnestness is a little self absorbed, it’s genuine and well meant and I think this will serve him so well as a lawyer. It’d be interesting to see in later seasons when he’s a ADA what he will do when he has to persue a case he doesn’t morally agree with.

Liv- her monologue about being in a abusive relationship and the little things that strip away your dignity is heartbreaking (Mariska you deserve an Emmy for this scene btw) (it’s also connected to the abuse she suffered at the hands of Lewis). She cares so much for the victims, it’s her greatest asset, and here it’s confounded by her strong duty to the law. This case is simple. Annabeth, according to the law, deserves to go to jail. She wasn’t in physical danger from her husband (not that anyone can prove at any rate). But Liv also knows that shooting her husband was the right thing to do in order to get out of that situation. Illegal, but right. These parts of her are at war (just like with that donor heart episode and Alex Cabot episodes in S19) and she chooses to tell the truth--to put Annabeth away-- because in the end the rule of law can’t be subverted no matter how immoral it can be

Rollins. Oh darling, you’ve been through so much shit. Like, lets be real here the entire team has, but you especially. And the unfurling of her backstory, with her father beating her mother and her consequent resentment of her mother for failing to protect her and Rollins is heartbreaking. She was a child and those complicated, complicated emotions distilled in her, to the outside eye’s, in a confusing (illogical) way. She occasionally victim blames and we can see the origins of that tendency here in how her mother, herself a victim, failed to protect her and keep her family together. Is that fair? No. Is what Rollins went through fair? No. And like how what Liv went through with Lewis affected her and her work, what Rollins past affected her work and outlook too. We see it in her advocacy for “innocent until proven guilty” and her belief in the strength of the victims even at the worst point their lives. So yes, she believes in the law. She believes that Annabeth should be in jail. For her, that’s right. *

Stone- it’s easy to see him as the bad guy here, but for me it was a lot more nuanced than that. Part of it is a performance of course, he’s a prosecutor trying to get a conviction (if he wants to win he can’t be playing for the other side), but he does genuinely believe he’s getting justice. Especially as a ADA, he sees the worst of humanity and puts them to justice for it. He takes what the cops give him and make sure it stick that victims get justice. You can’t subvert the law, its the law. In order for anything to get done, there has to be some black and white. Guilty and Innocent. Truth and farce. And no matter how moral it may have been- no matter what Annabeth felt- she still killed her husband in cold blood. And just as her husband should have been accountable for his actions, she has to be accountable for hers. Nuance belongs at sentencing, but she did it. That’s what he’s trying to prove.

Fin- We love some depth!! Fin can sometimes be treated as a one note character, and I’m glad Ice-T got to stretch his leg this episode. His whole facade “this is just another case to me” is peeled back by Liv and his story about throwing a fighting fish back into the bay was a touching way of showing his true feelings. He doesn’t believe she belongs in prison. But it’s not his place to judge, it’s the law’s. The law may not always be just or kind or even moral, but (on the whole) it’s consistent. It’s fair. And if we subvert it, we face a worse life than if we had one.

I also really liked the ending. We don’t see the verdict, just Annabeth’s expression of horror as Liv testifies that she didn’t feel remorse about killing her husband, effectively nailing the lid on her coffin. It’s not ambiguous, the audience knows that she’s going to jail, but it stops that the emotional climax- Liv’s testimony. It doesn’t draw out the inevitable, it leaves the audience pondering the same questions that the team did. Is the law always just? What would you do if it wasn’t? Is it even your place to judge?

Thanks for reading! This was just an emotional reaction from me after watching the episode for the first time and I’d love to hear your reactions.

- Joan

Tagging some people bc I’m really proud of this: @hurricanejjareau, @qvid-pro-qvo, @writefasttalkevenfaster, @crazyshannonigans, @ssaic-jareau

PS: Personally, I’m in Fin’s camp. The law is there for a reason and if we broke it for any injustice it would eventually encroach on personal freedoms. Is it disgusting that he abused Annabeth? Without a doubt. Is it legal? Sadly, yeah. And until the law changes, it’s our duty to follow it. Should it be changed? That is the question. (this is just my opnion btw and I totally get and respect if you disagree)

*Do I believe Rollins should be in therapy? Hells yes. Her perspective is valid and needed as a counter part to Liv and Carisi more emotional ones, but it’s coming from a place that isn’t good.

#law and order svu #law and order: svu #law and order svu meta #fin tutuola #sonny carisi #olivia benson #peter stone #amanda rollins #svu meta

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clolikescloquetas · 5 years ago

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THINGS I HOPE TO SEE (OR NOT) IN ACOTAR4

Nesta NOT STAYING AT THE ILLYRIANS MOUNTAINS for long, and travelling to other courts or the continent instead so she sees the world just like she wanted to do before the war. I think sending her away to a cold mountain surrounded by misogynistic warriors who hate her and are scared of her was a stupid af decision. Especially when it's a war camp and war triggers her PTSD. Oh and let's not forget there's a revolution about to take place. I see it as a very forced way of the narrative to make cassian and nesta interact. I understand an unexpected turn of events was needed as a beginning for acotar4, but going to the mountains shouldn't be anything more than a beginning that quickly leads us to another location. We've been told many times that nesta is "illyrian at heart" but I don't buy it. She isn't such thing, and her character is way too complex and interesting and has too much potential to just make her fit into a culture she doesn't belong to and has nothing in common with (it's stupid to think a place that reveres war and bloodshed will help her heal).

Besides, after all the places the previous books introduced I think it would be boring to stick to the same court. I loved Velaris but now that Feyre's story has ended it's time to move on. Not to mention that the Night Court is the worst place for Nesta, it reminds her of all her trauma and its high lord is a male she despises. Nesta needs to go somewhere else where she can recover her spirit and independence, and be free of the commands of a male that gives her orders as if she were her subject (she is not).

Hopefully, knowing how much sjm loves plot twists and given how she's already told us where nesta is supposed to go, it won't stay like that for long.

NO TRAINING. Maybe learning self defense techniques but that's as far as I'll go. No training to turn her into an almighty warrior. Nesta has power from literally the mightiest magic device in the world, and you're telling me getting beat on a ring will empower her?? Even when she's previously stated her refusal to train and said fighting isn't the only thing that makes someone strong?? And we're talking about Nesta, whose powers make her lethal. Making Nesta train would butcher her character and istg if they pull the "fighting helps her go back to her old self and empowers her" I will lose it. Enough with making that troupe work for everyone. We've seen it before and it has worked out well for other character, but in this case it wouldn't feel right and would be boring af.

I've seen a few people say they want Nesta to command the Illyrians, and help with the whole misogynist issue they have, or that she should do the Blood Rite I don't know if the name is correct, I don't remember it to gain the respect of the warriors. How should I put this: NO. This is more of the "Nesta is Illyrian at heart" bullshit Rhysass likes to pull, when what he actually means is that she is proud and stubborn. She, and I can't stress this enough, is not Illyrian. She shouldn't be participating in traditions she doesn't understand and doesn't engage in (she doesn't want to learn how to fight for fuck's sake) and we certainly don't need nesta to pull a white saviour behavior. I don't want her to come and solve a centuries old problem of a culture she doesn't belong to. And I don't see how she could do that in a credible way either, given how they all are terrified and wary of her. This also applies to the rioting issue that is looming over the illyrian camps.

Nesta healing and improving her mental health with cassian at her side to support her, without making him the reason why she gets better. And showing the effects war has on a veteran as Cassian too.

Someone, preferably Nesta, calling out Feyre, Rhysass and the rest of the IC on their shitty behavior and actions, and the narrative finally acknowledging their mistakes and portraying them as the deeply flawed characters they are. Now that we don't have Feyre's POV anymore there are no excuses for condoning their shit.

Cassian realising he has judged, ignored and said cruel things (like he doesn't know why her sisters love her are u kidding me) to Nesta and how he hasn't stood up for her before his friends. Oh and how he ignores her when Mor is present. I'm a sucker for nessian, but before they are a thing, he should apologize. I don't like how he treats nesta poorly and then expects her to love him, when she doesn't owe him shit. It's selfish of him to expect her to fit into his family even when they all hate her. I hope acotar4 handles well these issues. And I can't wait too read Nesta's POV and know why she didn't want to be close to Cassian after the war.

Nesta making new friends on her own, people who respect her and love her. I love nessian but I don't want their relationship to be the only deep interaction and relationship Nesta has. I would LOVE to see her and lucien become best friends (they were supposed to be lovers after all, and although a romantic relationship has been dismissed I'm sure their friendship dynamic would be amazing), or get acquainted with Helion or even Azriel. She needs to meet new people, and preferably not from the night court.

We've read many times how Nesta's powers are described as great and terrible. The source of her power is the fucking cauldron, used to create the world. Even tho no one knows yet what those powers are exactly, she has used them to turn hundreds of soldiers to ashes and even the bone carver, a death GOD, has spoken of the way the earth trembled at her power when Nesta was made. I want these powers to be a huuge part of the plot in this book. I want Nesta to master them fully, and for us to see the process. I don't know if I'm the only one who thinks like this, but when Feyre discovered she had powers from all the high lords, it seemed to me that she mastered them too quickly. I was hoping to get more attention on that issue, but it got dismissed quite quickly. Now that it's Nesta's time, I want the book to fully focus on these powers. Oh, and what I want the most is my baby to become the most powerful creature in the continent. More mighty than Rhysass and the other high lords by far. You can't give us a whole book preaching how nesta is really powerful, and how she took something from the cauldron that made the earth tremble, and then turn her into a common witch or something similar. I mean you can't expect me to believe the high lords have more power than the cauldron.

Although I find that to be another plot hole, bc the cauldron was supposed to be almighty but then Rhys and Feyre restored it when it broke?? Does that mean they are more powerfull than the object that created their world?? If that is so, they why didn't they win against hybern sooner??

Anyways, I want Nesta to never have to bow to anyone. Ever.

Well that is what I'd like to see in the next book. Which, based on the information we have, is basically the opposite of what will happen. As far as we know, sjm said there would be a lot of training in this book (I assume she was talking about Nesta) so there goes the chance of her not been a warrior. We know she'll go to Illyria, and although it's my hope she leaves soon or that she never goes in the first place, I know that's not what's going to happen.

And then there's the sex. Sjm said she had to delete some of the sex scenes bc her editor said they were too much and unnecessary. Which means there are still plenty of sex scenes in the books, as sjm confirmed. Don't get me wrong, smut is fine if handled correctly. But I don't think it will he handled correctly.

In fact, I think acotar4 will be placed on illyria the whole book or at least a huge part of it, and that we'll have lots of unnecessary and meaningless sex scenes inside of Cassian's cabin in the mountains instead of a well written and interesting plot, a well developed and complex relationship between the characters and a well handled depiction of PTSD and trauma healing.

In my mind it'll go like this:

Nesta arrives in the mountains. She and cassian are mean to each other for a while and the sexual tension is pretty obvious between them. Nesta starts training. At the beginning she hates it but over time she ends up loving it and excelling. Sex. Nesta makes a few friends between the illyrian female warriors she trains with, whose characters are shallow and totally secondary. Sex. More sex. Maybe something about Nesta's powers. A scene where cassian and nesta have an openhearted conversation about their relationship. Cassian never acknowledges how he treated Nesta, but she will apologise to him for how she kept him away. This leads to more sex. Nesta makes up with feyre, and apologies to her for being mean or whatever sjm comes up with. Feyre doesn't apologize back, or it's a shitty apologize for sure. Sex. Nesta stablish a cordial although cold relationship with Rhysass and Mor bc apparently she and Az are not destined to interact (even tho Az would totally oppose Nesta's situation of being sent to the illyrian camps). Sex. Nesta does the Rite. Sex. Sex. Something about the illyrian rebels. Cassian gets hurt. Nesta goes feral and gets a hold on the illyrian people. They respect her and answer to her now. Sex.

Or something along these lines. Oh and I have the impression sjm loves her main characters too much to write any scene showing how the decisions, actions or behaviour regarding Nesta of Feyre and Rhys were wrong. Acknowledging this could make it seem like they are flawed people like the rest, and apparently that's not possible.

I pray to be proved wrong once the book is released. Only time will tell.

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sparklyicecube · 4 years ago

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Scorching Romance

I JUST FINISHED ONE OF THE BEST MANHWAS EVER AAAAAH

Why you should read it: a review? Suggestion? Anyways.

Name: Scorching Romance

Status: Completed!!!

Length: 90episodes (pretty long but it’s worth it I swear)

Genre: Highschool romance

Quick summary:

‘Cursed girl who is constantly hot meets cursed boy who is constantly cold.’

Ok so:

Despite the ‘cursed’ parts we honestly don’t have magic running rampant in this place besides the fact that our two main characters genuinely feel really hot and cold to the point that Ember (the girl and hot one) can heat stuff up and give burns with body temperature, but mostly it is set in our normal universe. The start of the whole thing is pretty slow-paced with me not really that invested, but not turned off by anything. It gets reaaally action packed eventually and I nearly cried ahahahah.

The author is genius. The characters are honestly not one-dimensional, no matter what the story tries to trick you into believing, and the best part is that they introduce sooooo many characters in but by the time the story ends, there are virtually no loose ends and you are invested in all their stories. They don’t take advantage of misunderstanding nearly as much as they could realistically actually do and it will make you squeal!

I would say the overall theme of the entire thing is forgiveness and owning up. The amount of times someone said sorry for doing something awful and I genuinely believed them, because that ‘sorry’ just held all that weight.

Ten outta ten would recommend!!!

Spoilers from this point on! (I rant about my feelings on it down here)

OKAY SO THEY ARE SO CUTE I SHIPPED THEM SO MUCH AND AAAAAAAAA

I loved the dynamic between them and I love how they ended up being really truthful to each other and Aspen didn’t lie even though he thought about it :...) they’re so sweeeet

I looked at the chapter number when their curses broke the first time and was like waiiiiit. I then also wondered whether the rest would be just fluff scenes (not that I’m complaining) but the author really said “BUCKLE UP IT GONNA GET SERIOUS”

The author put so many references to little things that happened and tied everything together so nicely??? Also Trevor, idk when I started rooting for you but you were real. You and Moxie should get together. (You will never make it as a kpop idol because your bullying scandals)

I think overall, I really liked how it all came together and ended?? They even had that Rocky dude go with someone else??

The forgiveness/repenting aspect of the entire thing was really amazing. Aspen kept saying ‘sorry’ for so much at the start and throughout, yeah he was genuine but he was also overusing it. Later on, ‘sorry’ became such a powerful word that was used in such serious cases, like when Harry’s grandma cursed Ember or when Monica burned the place down.

Can we talk about Harry???

HARRY is BEST BOY

At the start, even though I knew that it was Aspen and Ember I was like ‘does Harry sorta like Aspen though?’ and low-key shipped it but then he said ‘he’s too good for you’ and there was the whole “I DO NOT LIKE ASPEN” when being bothered by Ember and I think that is actually really sweet. We never get the answer to why he sticks with Ember, well, at least not explicitly, but we definitely know why.

1. He and Ember were childhood friends, he saw her deteriorate to such a serious state and is willing to stick with her because they’re friends (serious state being both her heat and her temper as he sees how she did actually attempt to be nice to people only to be backstabbed)

2. She’s been there for him when very few people have. When Aunt Monica left him Ember was right next to him, that makes them very close and also feel like they’ve been through a lot, and so are willing to stick to each other more.

Harry not having any romantic interests in Ember or Aspen just makes him so much more appealing, he teases them, is there for them, and we can see how amazing he is and without having any romantic unerlying agendas! Love fuels a lot of stuff in this manhwa but so does platonic love and I love that for him. I also don’t think Megan deserves him, because she is too immature and honestly, still hasn’t figured out love yet. (Especially with the ‘buying him ice cream was worth it’) like GURL have you SEEN his HOUSE he does not need a sugar parent. Even until the end she eats ice cream with him, which just shows she can’t open up to him and she was honestly pretty childish thoughout the whole thing. Either way I love how the author baited us several times with Harry for us all to be like ‘Could it be??’ and then ‘I knew it.”

AMBER AND ASPEN”S RELATIONSHIPPPPP

I love how the whole thing played out to be honest. At the start, I didn’t like Ember’s attitude, or Aspen’s attitude but they both grew so much as people and their character growth through was just so amazing! You could see so many parallel’s where Aspen stands up for himself, where Ember is more restained, it’s *chef’s kiss* amazing!

One of the best bits was when Aspen couldn’t bring himself to lie to Ember, which was what I feared. It seemed like the worst misunderstanding ever but Aspen managed to trust Ember enough and vice versa, showing how far they’ve come. The two of them are now able to banter and converse freely, which both of them trusting in their love and relationship so much!

Aspen trusting Ember was the bit thing I think, if he couldn’t trust Ember they would keep having these issues, but Ember had grown to be more trustworthy and Aspen had grown to be stronger and have better self-confidence.

At episode 64 or smth where Ember’s curse broke and I thought ‘are they going to have another 30 chapters of just fluff?” (not that I’m complaining), and they didn’t, but the fluff they did have was so cute!!! Also when Ember collasped and hugged Aspen after ‘faking’ a relaspe *sobs* it was so cute :.)

This next part will be a collection of little observations I found (there are probably still more) that I though were super cool!

1) Aunt Monica’s cigareete. We see her throw it as a little thing like a (I’m leaving/I’m outta here) thing when we first find out that she was Harry’s aunt, then we later find out that Harry’s grandma cursed Ember because of a fire from a cigarette butt from him. At that point no one realises what happened yet. Then she has an epiphany when some person from some car throws at her when it’s all dramatic (I thought that was Lucifer or someone going to burn her originally but it was just a random person) and then we find out it was all her! We even find out that the fire happened on the day of her leaving and no one realised! Anyways...

2) Hypnosis. Monica says in her little ‘angels club’ thing that they must wear sunglasses all of the time lest they hypnotise people. I read that, realised that Lucifer was from there, then went ‘wait a second...’ because Lucifer hypnotised Moxie!!! Several times!!! Cool easter egg I love

3) Remembering things. Aspen didn’t remember Monica from when he was so young, only his mom did, because Aspen was 1. Young and 2. Monica didn’t have much of an impression on him. I like it when author’s decide how much people can remember because let’s face it, even when we’re not children we don’t remember what we ate yesterday morning. Also, Ember not remembering that Monica told Harry to think of her as his mom. Same logic, Ember was young and it had waaaay more of an impact on Harry than anything. More than that, Monica left the next day and it would seem like an irrelevant detail technically.

4) Names. I love how they actually tied in names with meanings, it made it so easy to remember the names and it also made it not really weird and obvious (I’m looking at you J.K. Rowling) but integral to the story. One could predict what role they had in the story by their name. Rocky’s name particularly threw me off a bit, because I could tell it was based off the ‘Rocky mountains’ but was unsure of whether that was related to ‘cold water’ and just decided that it was, but it wasn’t as Aspen’s. Making him just ‘water’ was really nice because it gave us reason as to why Ember seemed to be helped by him but also make him just out of the picture as well.

5) The ice storage. Making the bodyguards faint and be cold too, especially wen they didn’t really coma (or at least, the second one) because we knew you had to go in involuntarily to no be in coma, very good detail.

6) Aspen still having the misunderstanding that Ember was up on that roof saving him to this day because it was never disputed. Ever.

There are totally loads more than that but I need to re-read it a few more times to spot them I suppose!

I think the only hing I want more content of in the whole thing is from Aspen’s dad. His guilt after what he heard his son and wife went through, his bonding with Aspen, him and his family, I feel like that was the only thing that was left unfinished and that I’d want to see more of.

Finishing it off with a- how are you reading this part??? You must really like reading me ramble. Anyway, that might or might not be all from me on Scorhing Romance, I’ve been getting into manhwas lately and especially finished ones (bcs duh) so these rants might come in a bit more frequently but who knows.

Bye!

#scorching romance #scorchingromance #hongchi #aspen cha #ember kim

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chocolate-raspberries · 5 years ago

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Thoughts on season 2 of The Order, BIG SPOILER WARNINGS FOR SEASON 2. Also this is kinda rambly and unedited I apologize in advance

Okay, to start overall I did enjoy this season a lot, possibly more than the first season. I want to start with discussing the plotline. I read this in another review (by @georgesezra ) that the 2 episode formula works very well and I highly agree with that. I think overall, in the beginning the pacing went well for the mini-plots that the show is going for. The way the plot is built up, with distractor antagonists/ not the top antagonist ( Salvador ) is very reminiscent to me of early seasons of Teen Wolf ( especially season 2 with the Kanima storyline but this is not a Teen Wolf Review. )

The Early episodes were the best episodes, in my opinion, the amnesia plotline was resolved relatively quickly, but there still was some fun with it, especially with seeing Jack as a cheerleader. Also Blonde Jack, definitely the best move and I really missed the blonde in later episodes. The first half of the season the Knights Dynamic felt like it was there and real. They want to Be the Knights of St. Christopher and outside of the Order, not the Order’s pets whenever they need werewolf strength.

However, things to me go to shit when Lilith goes to the demon realm. All of a sudden many characters seem to go slightly ooc without the proper character development shown in the show. I’ll discuss this more when I touch on certain characters, but Hamish especially seemed to take a complete 180 this season, but didn’t show on the screen how we eventually lead up to that point.

Going back to the main plot, I really enjoyed the concept of Praxis, Salvador and liberating magic. The dilemma of keeping magic only to those deemed worthy by a secret organization most people are unaware of, with their own set of strict rules where people are expected to not question the authority of the grand magus. Battled with the complete choice of free will and that everyone should be able to wield magic. Those two ideas battling is a very good concept and I wish it could’ve been used a little more or introduced earlier into the season. I think the first place we see this idea is with Rogwan. The demon that takes fear away from oneself. So, people are going completely based on their first instinct without the fear of death. This, in my opinion, is foreshadowing to what could happen if everyone could use magic. That it sounds good in concept, a life without fear sounds good, but quickly can turn disastrous and cause ( in this case ) the Apocalypse.

Parallels and callbacks are very well done this season and I loved them. With the repeated Jokes of Randall calling Hamish different nicknames, the repeated discussion of Hell versus Demon Realm with the Knights. Callbacks to events that happened in the first season. Bringing back Kyle and Professor Clarke. Showing the difference between having Midnights hide on Jack versus Silverback. Also, still showing that they are college students who are trying to just go through college, especially with Jack saying how he needs to pass his exam to keep his scholarship etc. These are things that the show does very well

Moving onto my thoughts of characters

Starting with Nicole, she was only a side character but I really enjoyed her when she was on the screen. She had a lot of conflicting morals with helping the order versus her affection for Lilith. When Lilith leaves her only concern is getting her back, seemingly more than the knights which I’ll touch on later. She spends seemingly all of her time after that trying to save Lilith and it is very apparent she just wants to use magic for the good of others, but the limitations of the order does not allow her to do so - “ the only altruistic thing i have done so far is fix someone’s car” I hope we get to see more of her in a season 3 and see her develop more

The Sons of Enoch and Orbin. I’m going to be honest I didn’t necessarily care that much for this plotline. The thought of a hive mind is a very interesting concept and I did enjoy how they show’d to explore this concept. However, it seems like The Order makes this alliance with them and then it’s never used?? Also Alyssa joining this collective so soon ( ik she was on the juice but still ) it seems that Alyssa easily pledges loyalty to groups without getting the full story, I’ll touch on that later, but it was a frustrating to watch with her so easily trusting them despite Jack’s protests and the original reason they were there. However, the makeup and set design for Tree Jack was wonderfully done, all of the Sfx makeup is done super well

Gabrielle turned into one of my favorite characters this season. I hated her character last season, with the whole being a complete bitch and unnecessarily cruel ( the truth glove. ) However, we get to see her have a lot of growth this season. Showing that she wants to be part of a group and have friends, she just uses her bitchness as a deflect ( smartly pointed out by Randall, I’ll touch on the relationship later. ) Her early season with her treating Jack as her pet was annoying, but at least entertaining, like I said I was a big fan of blond Jack. Seeing her being willing to help the Knights on their various quests to help save Lilith or help Jack is nice, sure I’d rather have Lilith, but at least Gabrielle is given time to have character growth. Having Midnight choose her as a champion was a good plot choice in my opinion. I’m not sure in the long run if it was, but for what it was in season 2 I liked it. She wanted to find a group that she could fight for and would fight for her, and the Knights seemed to be more than The Order. However, seeing her try to fight Midnight off, fight Kyle off and seeing her completely vulnerable is a nice change and I’m hoping is a season 3 we get to see more of the other sides of Gabrielle. However, her character seemed to be one of the most consistent while being able to have growth

Getting to the Knights

Starting off with Randall. I loved him this season a lot. His struggle with just wanting to be a knight and sticking to what he knows to be the Knights of St. Christopher is refreshing to see throughout the season. Especially in the fear chamber when his biggest fear was having to join the Order. Also is this our fears or a sight of the future was very spot on. I’m glad that the Lilith/Randall plotline was thrown out bc it was an out of nowhere part of season 1. Being not only comic relief but being able to show more strength and fight for what he believes in, which in this case is just saving Lilith, is nice to see. However, with Hamish being out of commission in my opinion it seemed like a lot of Randall’s options were limited. I highly enjoyed him killing Kepler but keeping it from Nicole in the finale. It finally seemed like something the Knights would do and how they would do anything to save a fellow knight

Lilith, we sadly did not get to see her much this season. I’m not sure if this was a prewritten plotpoint of Devery Jacobs had other projects she had to film outside The Order. However, looking at it from a storyline point it is a very poor choice in my opinion. Lilith is a fighter and she is not scared to stand up to authority. She would have put Hamish in his place for fulling committing to the Order and many things would have gone different this season, besides her being thrown to the side as a “we have to save Lilith” storyline that continuously gets put on hold. It is interesting to see what will come out of demon/werewolf Lilith in a season 3

Okay, let’s get to Hamish. Now listen I love Hamish especially in season1 and early season 2. However, the whole Vera/Hamish plotline that mostly takes place offscreen totally changes his character. Now, self-growth is important, but this seemed to be a 180 that came out of nowhere. From season 1 to killing Jack for being in the Order to not saving Lilith due to having to help the order just seems so ooc to me. Also, turning completely sober, like I said personal growth is good if we see it on camera, not when we are just told it is happening behind the scenes. However, I did really enjoy him in the early Praxis scene where he pretended it was a very good magic show, and I still love seeing his character on screen, it just was very frustrating to have this flip where it kinda came out of nowhere.

Jack Morton. I really liked Jack this season a lot. The beginning of the season I was a huge fan of vengeful Jack. With just wanting to get revenge on The Order and kill them all. Honestly was a big fan of that Jack and how his feelings were amplified by having Midnight. Then, the internal struggle of having both hides and the discussion in the collective unconscious of how it is a choice of what kind of person he wants to be and there are no wrong choices. He had a lot of character growth this season as well. Still the non-rule follower, but this time around it is complete revenge on one character like with coventry. He truly seems to want to do the right thing for the people around him. Taking many sacrifices this season - fear chamber, confessing to the murder, multiple times facing Praxis!Alyssa. He is willing to do what it takes to make things right. Again, a complaint I had about Hamish is putting Lilith on the backburner, especially when Jack was there when it happened. However, Jack did have previous loyalty to the Order and he is shown being a person who struggles to stay on one path ( what is my actually major? ) Jack still makes a very good lead for the show and I am excited to see what the future holds for him in later seasons

This is going to be a controversial opinion, but I do not like Alyssa Drake. This does not go to say I don’t understand where her character’s motives come from, because I do. I also think it is very interesting to make her the final villain in the show. She wants to feel like she has control over her life and magic gave her that. She has said multiple times that magic is her life. So, finding out that Vera betrayed her by not destroying the Vade Mecum that blocks her magic would definitely be a good cause for her to not trust the order. To finally see Jack and fellow knights season 1 opinions. That everyone in the order is inherently selfish. And it is hard to dismiss that. Higher ups, especially the nogstic council ( that definitely is spelled wrong sorry ) are shown that they will do anything out of their own selfish needs. Saying all this and understanding Alyssa’s motives still doesn’t make me like her. She is easily manipulated by people - Coventry, the sons of Enoch, and now praxis. With this desire to be her own person completely, she loses sight of who she is. Alyssa tends to dedicate herself to one idea and sticks to that without listening to the insight of others. Season 1 with not initially believing Jack about Coventry, not listening to him about the sons on enoch. It all came to a head with Praxis. Now, I don’t believe some white boy needs to save her. I think Alyssa just needs time to figure out - who she wants to be, where her moral standings are, etc. Her delve into completely taking away Vera’s power and doing anything to get the incantation can either be seen by her being influenced by - Salvador, the Vade Mecum, or she has lost herself again. This is very reminist of me to the character or Alice from The Magicians ( whom I also am not the biggest fan of, but that is due to poor writing choices etc. not a Magicians review ) I hope in season 3 and beyond Alyssa can figure out what person she wants to be and find some sort of closure, but as it is now she is dead, so there may be a collective unconscious storyline there. It would be interesting to see her maybe talk to Ellie in there?? Idk just some ideas

Vera Stone. She stole the show. I loved Vera a lot this season. Seeing her still be a baddass and command a room is nice. It is nice to see a powerful woman in charge of an organization and not just seen as a mean bitch or completely characterized that way. Of course there is the whole side plot of Kepler undermining her and trying to get her replaced which is frustrating. Especially from the perspective of seeing it as another woman trying to take down a woman in power. However, seeing that Vera is trying to do the right thing and is able to make the tough choices is pleasant to see. She understands that her ideas are not always ideal, but there isn’t very many options to run off of. Especially when most of our main cast doesn’t necessarily listen to what she has to say. I hope we get more of a backstory to Vera after seeing what she did under the hive mind of the sons of enoch and having her and Jack being able to bond more after that is nice. The dynamic between Jack and Vera is very well written and I like how it is explored. Although Vera is strict she still understands that these are young adults, who question authority, make mistakes, and believe that they have the right vision about the world. I am a huge Vera Stone fan and this season did her well. Her losing her magic and paralleling that to Alyssa is important to show. Both of them are more similar than they believe and both of them felt completely lost without their magic. In Vera’s case she wished she was dead instead of lost without her magic. However, how they deal with it is different, despite losing her magic, losing who she is, she still does everything she can in her limited power to save the world and try to save Alyssa along with it. I am excited to see what her storyline delves into for a season 3.

Now onto relationships

As said by @madroxed the Order cannot write a good relationship and I agree wholeheartedly. They probably put what I am going to say in words better, but I have a very similar viewpoint if you want to read their review.

Starting off with Randall and Gabrielle. It isn’t horrible, I think, like most relationships on this show, came out of nowhere. All of a sudden they are in this on and off relationship this is mostly shown offscreen, giving us little leadway what happens behind scenes. I think a frenemies to friends to then maybe in a season 3 to lovers trope would work better. Or just sticking as friends. Randall is the first one to truly call Gabrielle on her facades and I hope that with her becoming Midnight and killing Alyssa there friendship dynamic can be shown more. Not the worst, just started to quickly

Nicole and Lilith. I love more WLW representation especially seeing it come from POC women. I think this relationship has a lot of potential and is good character growth for both of them. Yes, there will be trust issues between the both of them lying to e/o about facets of their lives ( memory wiping, the robbery ), but perhaps this could make a good subplot for season 3. Also I am happy the Randall/Lilith plotline was thrown out because they also just work better as friends

Hamish and Vera. Now this was hinted a little in season 1, and it could be well. If it was written on screen or shown on screen honestly at all. It was just mentioned by Randall “someone is hot for teacher” they both have strong leadership abilities and understand what it is like making tough choices. However, all this relationship did was make Hamish completely complacent to the Order and he not doing whatever it takes to get Lilith back, whom he has known as a part of his family, brotherhood for a lot longer than Vera.

Jack and Alyssa. I love seeing their complicated relationship on screen. Long are the days of the season 1 instalove trope, that I am not a big fan of. Having them acknowledge that their relationship is toxic to both of them at times, but still establish that they both deeply care for eachother is important. They both are constantly on other sides of whatever situation they are on, but still are willing to risk themselves for the other. I am not sure where I stand on liking or disliking the relationship, but throughout this season I think that the discussions that were started with how they view their relationship is important.

The ending of Season 2. I’m not sure how I feel. As I have seen many other people say it was rushed ( which I agree with ) and ending on a reel of powerful women being hurt in the arms of men is kinda disheartening to see. It feels like a man! Savior trope. I want to believe it wasn’t written this way on purpose, but seeing it does leave a bad taste in my mouth. That is not to say I didn’t like how the storylines ended, but how they showed the end and having all of the bad happen to women as men watch is,,, not the best.

Overall, these were the goods and bads of the second season of The Order. I still love this show a lot and it’s nice to see the fandom grow bigger. If you read through this whole rambely, unedited mess thank you. Feel free to send an Ask or Message me with your thoughts!

#ronnie rambles #The Order #the order netflix #the knights of st christopher #The Order review #hamish duke #randall carpio #Lilith Bathory #jack morton #alyssa drake #vera stone #I said a lot of words but still feel like I am missing a lot of what I want and have to say #Thanks if you actually read this

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years ago

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Liam & Edie

Liam: I dunno how to thank you for the surprise 🎁 as it’s still giving

Liam: what’s her fave scary movie? I never did get as far as jumpscares and chill

Edie: I wish I coulda taken 🧨 to her for you, see if she melted cool too

Edie: All I know is she hasn’t learnt a single thing from any of ‘em, which is unsurprising

Edie: Curtains open? ✔️ Door unlocked? ✔️ Home alone? ✔️

Edie: She should know only virgins survive 💀

Liam: asking for it from her hairsprayed roots to her painted toenails

Liam: but I left her standing for the 6 sequels

Edie: ☢️ fumes makes it even more of a shame

Edie: and that for her, alive, but at what cost

Liam: the twins play with dolls? you could melt her lookalike for me

Edie: I knew you’d like it

Liam: I like that she thinks it was me, that I’ve ever cared

Edie: Yes, you’ve really been biding your time in the shadows 🧛‍♂️

Liam: what shadows, you’re lighting everything up 🔥🎇🎆

Edie: That’s you

Edie: literally and you know, gay shit 😳

Edie: How’d I miss you, when did you drop the box off?

Liam: when I sent you hunting, in case the gay shit was turning too hardcore

Edie: Was it?

Liam: not for me

Edie: not for me

Edie: I’ve not stopped thinking about you since we met

Edie: as you can see

Liam: numbers don’t lie, you’ll see I’ve been listening to your tracks since you sent them

Edie: If I sing loud enough will you come find me

Liam: if I don’t show up rapid enough would you lose your voice

Liam: before that happens I wanna hear the thoughts you’ve been having

Edie: If that happened, I think I could still show you

Liam: what you could do is where my thinking stops

Edie: What are you doing today

Edie: Thinking is overrated

Liam: my dad unlocked his memories of me and wants to make more

Edie: Great timing

Edie: Is he at least taking you bowling?

Edie: The single dad’s first and last idea of what to do with their kids to seem ‘fun’

Liam: was about this time last year, scrolling back

Liam: he’s taking me ⛺️

Edie: Thank God for campfires

Edie: don’t forget your 🔦 for the scary stories

Liam: and the faked found footage

Liam: don’t forget about me

Edie: It IS a great location, give him that, but I’d need an invite for top marks

Edie: I couldn’t

Edie: How are you feeling about it though, really

Liam: scary stories do start with 🚗 and you’d fit in the boot easy

Liam: how long can you hold your breath?

Edie: [send a video as you did with the staring contest]

Edie: I’ll find the nearest body of water and work on it

Liam: long enough to fool him, but I’m not gonna tell you not to play dead in your 🛁 like a killjoy

Edie: What else can I do in your absence?

Edie: we’ll be having about as good a time as each other, that’s something

Liam: to Alexis or to me

Edie: Both if I do it right

Liam: how extra she is will make up for everything I’m not

Edie: you are everything

Edie: sorry

Liam: only from behind a lens or a screen, sorry

Liam: take away the sfx and yeah, we’ll be having as good a time as each other

Edie: Are you afraid?

Liam: I’m not anything, that’s what I’m trying to get across to you

Liam: you’ve got killer eyes with so much behind them, I don’t

Edie: There’s something

Edie: here, between us, even if it’s not of us

Edie: it’s real, we should follow it ‘til it isn’t

Liam: 🦎🧠

Liam: reflex behaviours ain’t enough for someone as braindead as Lex

Liam: you’re smart

Edie: they’re enough for me

Liam: if I had anything to give you, I would

Edie: I don’t want anything

Edie: I’m not like her

Edie: Whilst you’re around, I want to be around too, that’s it

Edie: you don’t have to do or be anything, I swear

Liam: I want to want things

Liam: but I don’t have the cheat codes for 🐒🧠

Edie: However small that bit of you is, it clearly exists, to even want it at all

Edie: I have nothing to lose with trying with you

Liam: yours is massive

Edie: I’m younger, there’s time for my hope to die

Liam: I’m not letting that happen

Edie: Protect me

Edie: and let me try for you

Liam: I have nothing to lose, already lost it

Edie: has it always been like this or could you access 🐒🧠 before

Liam: my ma didn’t raise a 👶 psycho, I used to react normally to stuff

Edie: You could again then

Edie: not saying it’d be easy or any patronizing shit like that though

Liam: but are you saying you’ll help me or any gay shit like that

Edie: Yeah

Edie: don’t worry, my god complex won’t make it culty

Liam: offer it me and I’ll drink it

Edie: Going ‘round acting like my cunt is magical seems like a Lexie kind of move

Edie: Everyone else is boring, you’re not, and I’m not, if nothing else

Edie: I’ll be better company than her or KM or any other twat

Liam: it was, doing the most to make herself killable is her only move

Liam: but I couldn’t do it and you were already better company anonymously

Edie: She’s a grief thief

Edie: and I’m definitely doing more than call her next time

Liam: she don’t matter, it was never about her

Edie: no, ‘course not

Edie: it’s about you for me though

Edie: I’ll fuck up anyone you want

Liam: start with my dad and I can skip this guilt trip

Edie: Okay, let’s think

Edie: it wouldn’t take a lot, if he only manages once a year as an average

Edie: has he got a new missus?

Liam: she wasn’t his but he liked my sister more, thinking about it

Liam: not that I know about, maybe it’s how short he is

Edie: a kid that isn’t here is easier to love because there’s less to do, nothing to do now

Edie: you reckon he’d call it off for a potential hook-up then?

Edie: might be desperate

Liam: there’s no calling it off, he’s too scared of my ma still and she’s had these days circled and !!ed

Edie: She’ll fuck me up if I ruin your bonding sesh?

Edie: I could catfish her instead but how exciting can a middle-aged man ever feasibly be 🤔😒

Liam: big tesco is gone, how many other places do you wanna have to avoid

Liam: I know something else you can do for me

Edie: I’ll take my chances 👊

Edie: Go on

Liam: if you set up to record and I stream it as often as the fucked wifi will allow we can kid ourselves I’m at your window 👀

Edie: We’re definitely doing that

Edie: You have the best ideas, seriously

Edie: not knowing when you’re watching and what you’re gonna see… 🥴

Edie: mine isn’t as good but [one of the nights he’ll clearly be away like if not tonight, tomorrow or whatever] you should be able to see this comet really clear at [a time] we can watch together

Edie: I’ll take the stream outside

Liam: your idea overtakes mine by miles, I’ll lose my dad in the woods or something before then

Liam: and if he stays MIA I’ll try and call you, when you’re not busy talking to Lexie

Edie: There’ll be a pub or something nearby, failing that, find a high point and push, you can be back by the time he regains consciousness

Edie: I’ll leave her alone now, if you want

Edie: I just don’t like her for you

Liam: she’s not for me, you can have her to do what you want with until I get back

Edie: 😈

Edie: She’s not invited to that either but I’ve got some ideas

Liam: me too

Edie: Surprise or secret?

Liam: neither, I wanna spend time with you, in person

Edie: When are you back?

Liam: 4 days

Edie: 4 days, I can do that

Edie: just about

Edie: patience isn’t my strong suit but I’ve been waiting a lot longer to meet you, it feels like somehow

Liam: when he drops me off, I’m yours

Edie: You won’t regret it

Edie: Summers not over yet, there’s so much we can do

Liam: I won’t regret focusing on you instead of school either

Edie: School is a different kind of torture

Edie: at least now I can see you every day

Liam: torture walking away after I have seen you

Edie: I won’t make you

Edie: we can stick together

Liam: we will

Edie: I miss you

Edie: even though I’ve not actually met you in person yet, and you’re not gone either

Edie: still

Liam: [send her your own version of the staring contest footage like I’m going nowhere bitch]

Edie: There’s something behind them, I swear I can see it

Edie: Do you believe me?

Liam: I said I’d keep your hope alive

Edie: It’s okay if you don’t, I know my 👀 don’t deceive me

Liam: your eyes are something else, they’ll wear my zoom and pause out on this 📷

Edie: I wish I had the words to explain how you made me feel, and I could explain it so good that you could feel it back

Edie: because it feels really good

Liam: we’ve got time, for you to find words or show me without

Edie: if 🎇🎆 wasn’t so overdone

Edie: or maybe when you’re on a 🎢 the second you drop and it feels like the world has fallen out from under you and there’s nothing you can do

Liam: when you’re finally coming up after waiting twice as long as usual for the 💊 to kick in and thinking you got scammed

Edie: exactly like that, but you’ve just taken a 2nd and you know it’s going to get even more intense

Liam: I’ll hunt for 🍄 while I’m here, you trust me not to accidentally kill you, yeah?

Edie: I do

Edie: have you done lots of 🍄s?

Liam: made tea out of some but fuck all happened, they were probably from big tesco, I was younger and didn’t know anything

Edie: 😆

Edie: Me either, but more because my dad only deals in synthetic crap, not because I’m young and don’t know anything

Edie: not a total drug noob, only hold my hand if you want to

Liam: I only got them up bc my sister wanted to put a twist on the tea parties she forced me into as a 👶 I was a drug noob

Edie: How annoying they didn’t work, that would’ve been fun

Edie: maybe more for your sister than you but still

Liam: she was 💔 but it ended up being fun after I cheered her up with my 👒👙 recreation

Edie: How could that not cheer anyone 😅

Edie: when you’re back I’m gonna need to see that myself, honestly

Liam: I’m not gonna fit in the one from then, but I’ll be able to get another 👙 close match to the 👶 pic or show you the vid of us if not

Edie: I’d like to see it, I bet you were real cute kids

Liam: she was

Edie: do you have lots of videos of you guys as kids?

Liam: not really, either they didn’t want it to be like they were hoarding the happy shit for when she wasn’t here anymore, or they thought they wouldn’t have to bc there’d be loads more of it, I don’t know

Edie: Either makes sense, you’re not planning for that to happen and then I can see why you wouldn’t want to when it becomes apparent

Edie: I wish I’d known her more than just another face and name at school, she sounds cool

Liam: you can get to know her, from me picking up my first 📹 there wasn’t much that didn’t get videoed, it was how she wanted it

Edie: I respect it

Edie: and you do have a good eye, you made me look 🤩 from the most basic footage

Liam: you don’t need editing, but I was trying to show off to you

Edie: I thought you were impressive before that point, but it still worked

Edie: especially when most act like face-tuning a selfie is a great feat of skill

Liam: [a selfie facetuned to a pisstakey degree so it looks wild]

Edie: [very much imagining that pillow face filter/handsome squidward]

Edie: 😱 catfished again, gdi

Liam: this has to work, me and you meeting, I can’t rewind to before we talked as if we never have

Edie: There is no going back

Edie: It will work, we’ll make it

Liam: it gets thrown out casually and fucking constantly, but I haven’t found anyone like you before

Edie: It has to mean something that it was you, and me

Edie: it’s so improbable, and we could’ve gone our whole life living in the same place and not ever getting to know each other

Liam: it means I’m not letting go of this, it’s me and you now

Edie: I want that too, I need to

Edie: nothing else makes sense, it’s not complete, it’s not right, I don’t want it

Liam: even if I’m 🤖 I’ll be trying to override my shite programming, harder than I’ve done, to do this right

Edie: 🍄💊 aren’t the only things that can rewire us

Edie: I’m not going anywhere, I won’t leave you, even if it takes forever, even if it never happens

Edie: trying with you is better than feeling like a failure with anyone else

Liam: anyone who’s made you feel like a failure is getting worse than the Lexie treatment

Edie: we’ll make sure the school doesn’t find the hit-list 😏

Edie: it’s like, everyone is so comfortable, and they do the same boring shit every day and never get tired of it, but none of it fucking matters

Liam: 🏫🔥

Liam: I’m down to make everyone uncomfortable

Edie: They need it

Edie: not that they’ll appreciate it but that’s not the point

Edie: I wanna make you feel everything

Liam: you’re so alive, that’s the point for me

Edie: I can be that

Edie: and I can share

Liam: I wanna be a reason you are

Edie: I’m so mad at your dad, full offense

Liam: get in line, but cut in front of me so I can 👀 at you

Edie: You can do more than look when I’m really in front of you

Liam: I keep thinking about what happens if I can’t

Edie: There’s still things we can do

Edie: that only require you to want to

Edie: and you can tell me if you don’t

Liam: I don’t wanna tell you things that’ll make you feel bad

Edie: I don’t wanna make you feel bad either

Edie: or force you to do something

Liam: you won’t, I’m not 😡 at my dad for forcing me to do this instead of being there with you

Liam: block works for negative emotions too

Edie: Okay, but still, it’d make me feel bad if you felt like you were performing for me

Edie: we don’t want that

Edie: when we do meet, you control it, okay?

Edie: Do what feels right

Liam: no crap ARG acting, I can agree to not do that

Edie: Good

Edie: so, you leveled up with drugs, what about girls or did that first nightmare put you off fully

Edie: I mean like, do you hook up with people or is it all ❌

Liam: she put me off, or how desperately I could tell she wanted me to want her did, she’d touch me and nothing would happen and she’d look at me like 🥺

Edie: It’s pressure

Edie: but I don’t think any boy has met her expectations, judging by how fast she gets through them so

Liam: pressure I piled on myself in the first place, thinking about my sister and how nobody ever wanted to touch her, like it was catching or when the lad she was into wouldn’t ask her out and I asked him why and he admitted it was bc he was shitting himself she’d drop dead, so I thought I should, bc she wanted to live those cliches and fucking couldn’t, I don’t know

Edie: People are shit

Edie: they don’t do or say the right things and they can’t handle the stuff you and your sister had no choice but to

Edie: and it’s fucking unfair there’s so much stuff she wanted to do and didn’t get to

Edie: of course the weight of that is going to make that near impossible

Edie: it sounds horrible but you aren’t dying though, and neither am I

Edie: so make the list, see it through, but the pressure is off with time

Liam: r/emo teens would have a post like, we are both dying, just at a slower rate than her

Edie: 🙄 they can do one, I’m never dying

Liam: yeah, please don’t

Edie: I promise

Edie: my ma’s wife died and I can barely remember her but enough that it fucks with my head

Edie: like she was always there, and some memories I have, she would’ve been, and it’s like, fragments, if I try really hard

Edie: but it could all be made up, I don’t know

Liam: I remember her so vividly I think I know what she’d do or say if she was in memories she’s not, but do I

Liam: or am I just lying to myself bc she should be there and it’d be less shit if she was

Edie: You were close, you did know her that well, that’s obvious

Liam: maybe she’d wanna tell me I fucked it and not to do all the shit I’ve done with her name attached to it

Edie: maybe

Edie: but right or wrong you’re the one that’s here and still has to do shit

Liam: if she becomes a fragment to me I don’t wanna be here

Edie: I don’t know if it’ll happen, I don’t think so though

Edie: I was a toddler, you weren’t

Edie: you have more to keep hold of

Liam: if I live for 50 more years then I won’t, I’ll have new memories pushing out the old and outdated tech

Edie: You aren’t relying on just your 🧠

Edie: You have 📷🎞📹📼

Edie: and you can make that last forever

Liam: do you have that of your step-ma

Edie: Yeah, she was more camera-shy than my ma, but there’s still lots of it

Edie: and she’s everywhere, you know, throughout the house and stuff

Edie: memories are important but so are those more physical, tangible reminders

Liam: my ma’s kept her room but she don’t exist downstairs, as if the 🚪 is to a hidden level and you have to earn your way there 💎💰❤️

Edie: It’s good you have somewhere

Edie: and your memorial

Liam: you should meet me there, my house, on day 5

Edie: okay

Edie: 😍😸🤩

Liam: pick a time bc I’ve stolen the place

Edie: I just hope it’s a time you’re there and not just your ma because who knows how much of me will be left to come back to at that point

Liam: I’ll be there to protect you, get used to that

Edie: I’ll try my hardest but wow

Edie: Right now that still gets me so

Edie: I’ve never had this before but I love how it feels

Edie: As for a time how’s [a time so early to prove how badly and ASAP we wanna see him] or [a more socially acceptable suggestion] if not?

Liam: [soz to his mother but we are obvs picking the early af time and so soz to his dad too if it means he has to bring you back early] is cool with me

Edie: Serious?

Edie: I’ll see you then

Edie: should I wear something so your ma doesn’t hate me forreal though

Edie: 👒👗🥿

Liam: she’ll be happy I invited someone over, wear what makes you feel how you want to

Edie: 🎩🦺👙🧤🩰

Edie: Cool though, I’ll bake her something, tell me if she has any deadly allergies or hates now, like

Liam: 🚫👓🕶🥽🤿 I’d hate it

Edie: I know what you wanna see, don’t worry

Liam: everything

Edie: everything

Liam: ㊙️

Edie: 🎋

Liam: I wish you were here 🌠

Liam: I could be filming you instead of what’s going past the car window

Edie: definitely B-roll compared to me

Edie: but think of all the laughable monsters you can stick in the frame 🏞👹🏞

Liam: I’ll think of you laughing

Edie: I won’t use my wish on hoping you think about me then

Liam: unless there’s another specific thing you want me to imagine you doing

Edie: If I tell you now, you’ll know

Edie: you’ll have to tell me what you thought about when you get back instead

Edie: see if it came true

Liam: or I’ll show you when I get back, make it come true

Edie: that’d be a lot of wishes coming true

Liam: we’ve got a couple of weeks before summer ends

Edie: There is a lot we can do in a couple weeks

Liam: even more if we don’t waste time going back and forth between my house and yours

Edie: Another thing I can do before you get back

Edie: find somewhere to stay

Liam: you won’t even have time to feel tortured without me

Edie: and where’s the fun in that, right

Edie: you still need to hurry 😜

Liam: it’d be popular on the thread, beautiful girl in ⛓ but I’ve probably got competition enough from other lads with your tracks blowing up

Edie: you have literally no competition

Liam: I still need to hurry though 😏

Edie: only ‘cos I only want you and I’ll be lonely and bored

Edie: some of these dms could fuel an incel-gone-rogue storyline though, they wildin 😅

Liam: I’m about to subvert the cliche and make my dad turn the car round

Edie: + XP

Edie: power move on 💯

Liam: [sends her a virus or something] don’t click it, but do what you’ve gotta until it looks irresistible to the 👹

Edie: the sexy singles in MY area have prepared me for this moment

Edie: not to hit you with the 🥺 but you’re so sweet sorry

Liam: if Lexie’s denied me 🥺 off you forever, I’ll hit her with a 🔨

Edie: Tempting, very tempting

Edie: [showing him the bratz doll she’s found in some charity shop moment]

Edie: 🍀

Edie: If this works as a voodoo doll she’ll be 🥺 for the 🔨 by the end of today tbh

Liam: I’ll be 🥺 if you keep working this hard

Edie: gotta make you proud

Edie: also if I can find a way to get it into her house when I’m done fucking with it it’s game over 🤣

Liam: [tell her about some way that you sneaked in so her parents didn’t know about it when you were going out so she can use that]

Edie: [pretend we are not thinking about that lmao] 👍👍

Edie: you wouldn’t even need a ladder

Liam: don’t be upset

Edie: I’m not

Edie: you’ll sneak in my window soon

Liam: we’ll have a place of our own, just me and you

Edie: what do you want

Edie: town, country, cursed, uncursed

Liam: pick the 🏡 making you feel like you’re home and you don’t ever wanna go

Edie: 🥰

Edie: no spoilers whilst you’re away

Liam: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Edie: don’t break my willpower I barely have

Edie: I wanna give you all the surprises and it might be a fixer-upper

Liam: I’ll stop testing you, I know you’re gonna pass

Edie: You don’t have to, I can take it, like

Liam: you’re gonna say no spoilers on how you’re gonna prove it and break the 🖤 I don’t have

Edie: Never

Edie: I don’t quite know what you want yet but I’ll do anything you ask, you can test that

Liam: you’ll do anything for me

Edie: I will

Edie: I’m probably not supposed to say that, right

Edie: but it’s true and you should know

Liam: abusing what you’ve said would fall into letting your hope die, which you know I’m not gonna do

Liam: you can trust I’ll keep you safe

Edie: I trust you

Liam: that’s what I want

Edie: 🌠🧚‍♀️

Edie: Does your da still live in Dubo?

Liam: Greystones

Edie: Fancy

Edie: Not going to find anything like that for us

Liam: a holiday cottage that’s empty’s easy pickings

Edie: let’s go

Edie: this place is trash

Liam: when school starts everyone’ll have gone out of them all

Liam: and most don’t change their alarm codes from the default

Edie: we’ll have the whole town to ourselves between 9-5

Edie: can we can we 😍😍

Liam: Yeah, if they’re not gonna treat them like somewhere they wanna be more than a week out of the year, why shouldn’t we

Edie: so wasteful

Edie: why would you even want that kind of money

Edie: I want what you said, somewhere that feels like home and you never wanna leave

Edie: no matter how nice the location or whatever else of anywhere else, home is still the best

Liam: it’ll be homey, how you said, things around that remind you of me and the memories we’ve made in it

Edie: It can all be real, can’t it

Liam: or pretend if you want 🏠🧸🎠🍭

Edie: I’m never opposed to pretending

Edie: it’s weird

Edie: I feel like I know what I want already but that’s a new thing

Edie: like a ⚡️ hit and everything makes sense now

Edie: maybe it’s superpowers

Liam: what else do you want

Liam: a garden to bury Lexie in and

Edie: obviously 😏

Edie: NOT a basement to bury the kids in though

Liam: they’ll be with us, getting their wellies on so they can splash in the massive puddles

Edie: and go rock pooling

Edie: and then take the dog on a massive walk so we can come home and fall asleep on the sofa in front of an old movie

Liam: you’ll be watching the movie I’ll be looking at you

Edie: but then I’ll look up at you

Liam: and we’ll both be thinking about how we’re gonna edit the footage from today bc we don’t wanna cut nothing out

Liam: except maybe the dog getting bullied by a 🦀

Edie: 🤭 save his shame at the dog park

Liam: kids’ll have no fear

Edie: all they’ll know is love and good times and fun

Liam: we should bury something other than 💀🦴 they can dig up when they’re not 👶

Edie: an actually cool time-capsule

Edie: just with all the things we want to show them, that they won’t remember, or happened before them

Edie: if we get the right storage, we could even bury the 📼s

Liam: yeah, we can do it right

Edie: why not us

Liam: we’re different, we already know it

Edie: you make different feel alright

Edie: well, better than actually but you know

Liam: if I can’t do this with you, I’ll never be able to do it, more pressure than 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 sorry, but if we’re keeping it real

Liam: this is the closest I’ve come to a rebooted 🧠 since it was fucked up

Edie: If we can’t we’ll just 💀💀

Liam: you promised you wouldn’t and I already should’ve

Edie: Then I can’t fail

Liam: you test too well

Edie: and we’ve got time

Edie: if you don’t feel it straight away

Edie: have to give me a fair chance yeah

Liam: I’m not just saying I’ll meet you bc I know you want to, that’s more of a chance than I’ve given anyone in years

Liam: and you can have all my time after if you ain’t decided you don’t want it, I’m not lying about handing it over to you either

Edie: The only way that would happen is if you were a massive disappointment

Edie: and I know you won’t be, so all I have to do is make sure I’m not

Edie: It’s going to work, I can feel it

Liam: [shows her that he’s been playing her songs over and over during this entire car journey because of course he has and also let’s pretend he’s rigged up some way of counting how often he’s watched those not blinking or breathing vids so he can show her that too bc he wants to feel something honey and he wants her to know]

Edie: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Edie: I need to write you more

Liam: who sorts your shows for you, you should build on this hype

Liam: and give me a chance to see you perform live

Edie: I don’t have management, but I’ve done a lot of gigs with the same people at the same places so we kinda hook each other up, keep in the know

Edie: There is a show [a few days after his bday moment] in [a town a few over]

Edie: I weren’t sure if I could get there but we can, if you wanna see me

Liam: [deets of people he knows who might or might not be genuinely helpful for booking stuff and letting you play places cos might as well make use of all those connections boy]

Liam: cool, I’ll get us there, even if none of the @s I dropped on you go anywhere else longer term, but they should, you’re mindblowing

Liam: by next year they’ll have built a festival round you here and my dad will have to give camping a fucking rest

Edie: You’re actually incredible

Edie: No one ever takes my shit seriously

Edie: I mean family, friends, it’s just this fun thing I do to them

Edie: but you get it, there’s no alternative, I have to get this shit out, to say and show it

Edie: Only if he buys a 🎫 but he’s not getting VIP with you

Liam: I understand

Liam: nobody respects mine, which I get when there’s probably 45k off the thread running round with a camera and I ain’t got your talent with it

Edie: You do have talent though

Edie: but I respect it regardless

Edie: we have to make cool shit together

Edie: not just 👶👶👶👶👶👶👶

Liam: I’ll put together something to play behind you at the show, how long are you gonna be up there

Edie: it’s 15 if you’re lucky 10 if you’re not, so you need 5 songs prepped to go but you might only play 2 or 3

Liam: what songs, are you surprising me

Edie: [send him a list of 4 so clearly one is a surprise]

Edie: so you can compliment them with what you make

Liam: 🤩

Liam: wtf did I listen to before you hit me with your link

Liam: you’re fucking sick at this

Edie: idk but I can soundtrack your whole life now

Edie: all I can write rn is 🥰🥺 cos that’s how you’ve made me

Liam: I’m down but if we go with it you should probably have less 👶👶👶👶👶👶👶 to soundtrack the lives of

Edie: okay just one

Edie: the perfect 👶 with the perfect life

Liam: perfect bc she’s got your 👀 and 🧠 and 💓

Edie: so we might need to have two

Edie: I want them to be perfect like you

Liam: 👶👶 wouldn’t ruin you physically or musically, she can have a brother

Edie: 💕👦👧🐶🧒👱‍♀️💕

Edie: that feels good

Liam: I used to really want a 🐶 when I was younger and my ma got me one of those 🤖 ones, it's probably still barking in a box somewhere

Edie: Awh, we’ve gotta find him and free him!

Edie: I had so many weird robot toys but they’ve all been used for parts by now for sure 🤖💔

Liam: he's not been melted, gotta be some proof I felt things before

Edie: You did, you clearly did

Edie: when you talk about your sister, it shows

Liam: I'd offer to talk my dad about you and see what shows but he's too easy to trick

Liam: most people are if it stops at a convo

Edie: Not caring is more convenient

Edie: not even like people are trying to be bastards, but if they don’t know what to say or do then it’s easier to take you at that one convo and pretend

Liam: I don't remember him ever not being his own bonus level of crap, but it's like you said, nobody else is loads better

Edie: Did he stick around, when your sister got sick?

Liam: for a while, when hospital wards covered in shit like 🌞🌈🦋 wasn’t a fuck you and 👨‍⚕️👩‍⚕️ had answers he didn’t mind hearing

Edie: ‘til it got really real and really hard

Edie: gotcha

Liam: he’d show up with a 🎈 before the end so that makes it alright

Edie: 🤡 energy

Liam: ordered pennywise but charlie chalk showed

Edie: [sad clown noise voice note like womp womp]

Liam: [a video or pic of his dad like putting the tent up or something with that voice memo playing over and his eyes crossed out like miss you because bringing that detail back from when we first did these two]

Edie: [it’s a good detail, so we must, just adding some more detail like a red nose or whatever so you can have a lil back and forth here]

Liam: [add clown shoes or something boy because we love a cute back and forth, very JJ of you]

Edie: [not seeing those parallels for no reason later lmao, fully clownify this oblivious man soz not soz]

Liam: [honestly deserved I’d rather have an Ian than such a wet wipe of a person]

Edie: [tbh, wet hen]

Edie: you were not lying though, your da is so short

Liam: not lied about nothing

Edie: I’d never guess you were related

Edie: too bad for mine we look like him

Liam: I’ll ask for the 🎁 of a tube full of spit but he ain’t as happy to do what I ask as you are

Edie: Spoilsport

Liam: won’t be harder to be a better dad than him, however fucked I am

Edie: that’s the thing

Edie: it doesn’t even take that much

Edie: I could do it better now

Liam: I’d stay, even when it’s ugly or I don’t know what to do, I could make you that promise now before we’ve met

Edie: Me too

Edie: It’s like, the least you can do and loads don’t even do that

Liam: maybe I shouldn’t bother getting my 🖤 back, keep caring about nothing instead of only caring about myself

Edie: you’re not going to be like that

Edie: you weren’t before

Liam: how are you this sure

Edie: I don’t know how I just am

Liam: it’s gonna be the longest 4 days

Edie: [a timer you’ve made as you can]

Edie: 🥺

Edie: make him keep you busy, and I’ll keep busy with all the plans and surprises

Liam: I’ll keep busy thinking about finally seeing you

Edie: and watching the stream when you can

Edie: I’ll make sure it’s entertaining

Liam: let me know when you’re set up

Edie: I will, not home yet

Edie: hope my fam only embarrasses themselves in entertaining ways too if you see them

Liam: not calling you an 🚑 but I’m calling it you’ll steal every scene better than they do

Edie: 😇

Edie: I better

Liam: at most anyone else is gonna register to me as a shite ARG sound effect 👻🚪

Edie: That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said about my fam

Edie: they might disagree but that can be explained away as the wind or house settling noises

Liam: you’ve got my full attention, inexplicable at first but it’s making more and more sense

Edie: 🌌

Edie: Random or fate, I want it

Liam: there's nothing to convince you of

Edie: Nope

Edie: You’re perfect

Liam: I’m buffering bc I ain’t used to it but I don’t want you to ⏸⏹

Edie: I can 0.25 speed though

Liam: don’t

Edie: I 👂 you

Liam: seriously, I’m still here when I can’t work out what to say

Edie: I’d feel if you’d gone 👻

Liam: not a feeling you've gotta get used to, I'll stick with protecting you

Edie: Promise?

Liam: I've already committed to drinking whatever you wanna pass me and a drop of your blood ain't gonna make wine taste any worse but I dunno how you're gonna deliver it

Edie: You going to your dads 🏡 at all?

Liam: if I insist we’ve got to, to check the post

Edie: then do

Edie: no need to tell me his address though 🔎

Edie: it’ll be waiting

Liam: a drop, yeah ❌🧛‍♂️

Edie: it won’t be dripping out onto the carpet

Liam: the jumpscare my dad would get isn’t worth draining you

Edie: fake 🩸 for the scares only 🤞

Liam: there’s a bigger cliche that’d make this official whenever you want, but it’d only scare off the lads in your dms

Edie: do it

Liam: [idk how teens are making shit facebook official when facebook is dead but do something so people know you’re claiming her sir]

Edie: [probably a feed photo or something on insta I imagine, which would actually make you die because now it isn’t just private so clearly it’s not just a prank, han]

Liam: [yeah and probably also commenting on whatever she’s been posting lately in a way that’s obvious you’re a thing ™️ not just a fan of the bops]

Edie: [when I’ve already had to stop you saying ily, as if that’d be the wildest thing lmao but now truly 😖 we’re deffo crying wherever we are rn]

Edie: [do the same energy back because that’s your safest bet atm]

Liam: [loving imagining everyone’s IRL and online reactions tbh]

Edie: [it’s all the drama mick]

Liam: you’ll really have to skip big tesco now like

Edie: I’ll survive

Edie: you can forage for us 🌼🌿🍄

Liam: and if any families show up I’ll check their tents for 👶🐶

Edie: I bet there will be loads of cute 🐶🐶

Liam: when pick your fave out of the photo line up I’ll grab it

Edie: make sure it’s not a biter

Edie: you aren’t allowed to bleed out either

Liam: I dunno what being careful looks like, but to come home to you unhurt I’ll try copying what my dad’s doing

Edie: 🐒 see 🐒 do

Edie: evidence please

Liam: [all I can imagine is a David style wildlife documentary so do that please, soz not soz to his dad who is never gonna see this]

Edie: [that is literally exactly what I imagined too so yes]

Liam: [if the first time she hears his voice is when he’s doing a David impression though I will kms cos I think it is]

Edie: [lmaooooooooooooo oh you guys]

Liam: [keeping it #goals before JJ even exist as a couple byeeee]

Edie: [also the way we know your phone is blowing up right now, send the funnier ones through like]

Edie: 👀

Liam: [send the one from Lexie and the one from your mum for the very different but extra energies LOL]

Edie: Is she sOoOOoOOo happy for you

Edie: not your ma, obvs

Edie: missing those hands, barely

Liam: 😱 for you, I think she’s mixed you and the twins up and you’re 9 to her

Edie: 😒 She wishes I was

Liam: my ma is 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 that’s honestly worse

Edie: I could be anyone, like

Liam: in russia

Edie: maybe she’s done some light stalking

Edie: not hard enough to find anything off-putting but enough to know I’m ‘real’ or whatever

Liam: done the ma version and asked her mates if any of their kids or kids mates know you

Edie: 🤞 no fuckers dobbed me in

Edie: prefer to make my own impressions, bad or otherwise

Liam: she don’t have many left who know what to say to her, you’ll be able to put either a good or bad word in for yourself

Edie: Did she go to any groups, during or after?

Liam: yeah, any of them gonna know you

Edie: nah

Edie: my ma did too but their timelines wouldn’t have overlapped

Edie: not saying they gotta go shop for hats right now

Liam: 🚫💍 with the 👶🐶 is it, you're gonna chuck me then

Edie: never 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Liam: she's been living in dubo since uni, she ain't gonna force us to march us down the aisle, but my ma's still northern irish enough to be pleased if we did

Edie: have you ever thought about it?

Liam: I had to when my sister brought it up, like loads of things I probably wouldn't have otherwise

Edie: You have time to think about everything important, that makes sense

Edie: what did she think about it? All the 👰💍🤵

Liam: it's on us, she couldn't think of anyone she'd accept a 💍 from

Edie: It is a pretty important part of it, when you really think about it

Edie: people who fantasize about it only think about the dress and the diamond and everyone staring at them

Edie: not the actual person they’re legally binding themselves to

Liam: she wasn't short of stares and you can wear what you want when you're dying 👑💎 everyday if you feel like it

Edie: Why not

Edie: though if you’re already sick of the stares

Liam: 👀 that weren't from a specific lad

Edie: What’s he doing now

Edie: he’d be out of school, right

Liam: [more deets than you should know or admit to knowing about this random boy years later because that's your brand]

Edie: She could do better

Liam: people are gonna be saying that about you

Edie: that you could, probably

Edie: I don’t care what they say

Liam: the lies they tell don't matter unless you think there's any truth to them

Edie: I believe you

Edie: and you say you want this

Liam: I can't do no better than you, Edie

Edie: There is no one else

Edie: even if I wasted my whole life looking from now, no one is topping you

Liam: even if you wanted to, I'm not gonna let you waste your life

Edie: I don’t

Edie: I want real and happy and you

Liam: this is real and I’ll keep you happy

Edie: I can’t wait to meet you

Edie: I don’t know how I haven’t seen you in person or heard you speak or all the things that come with it

Edie: I feel like I’ve known you forever

Liam: I should know more about you

Liam: what secrets are you keeping from the people who've known you forever, start there

Edie: Aside from the 💍👶🐶

Edie: Well, you know my dad is a dealer, yeah

Liam: I know he’s a dealer bc he’s supplied me at some raves and your dad bc people talk

Edie: Yeah, so the other’s dad is too, and they were raised together, which is like super fucked up of my ma, whatever

Edie: but if I’m getting stuff, I go to their dad and I hang out with him

Edie: he wants to be more involved, but they hate going to see him, it’s really sad

Liam: I’ve bought off him before too

Liam: don’t you wanna hang out with your dad

Edie: He’s not interested

Edie: And idk, I think my ma loved Caleb, but I don’t think she ever loved Drew

Liam: he don’t sound like he can love or be loved, anyone who could have you around and ain’t saying yeah to it is fucked

Edie: Maybe

Edie: his mum did leave him

Edie: I’d love to find her but there’s nothing to go on

Edie: Caleb is cool though, but they’d all be mad at me if they knew

Edie: Your turn

Liam: send me what there is and I’ll help you look, fresh 👀

Liam: my ma would be upset if she knew anything I’m up to

Edie: I feel that 😏

Edie: your secrets are safe with me

Edie: All I’ve got is a name, and when she was last seen, [give that info]

Edie: Maybe Caleb’s ma would know more, as she informally adopted them, but she also likes to pretend I don’t exist so

Edie: she’d not tell me

Liam: we don’t have to ask her, I’ll go round when she’s not in, see what there is to find

Edie: you’re so hot

Liam: what do you do when you’re hanging out with Caleb

Edie: smoke, usually

Edie: and ask him about when they were all kids, the cool shit they got up to

Liam: did he love your ma back

Edie: Yeah, they had the twins later so it definitely meant something

Edie: they’d probably be together but Billie’s ma had just died, it wasn’t good timing

Liam: have you ever tried to get them together again

Edie: not since I was a kid

Liam: now you’re not and you’ve got me, perfect timing for another go

Edie: you’d really help me?

Liam: yeah, you want happy and I said I’d keep you feeling it

Edie: [picture of your happy face ‘cos genuinely v overwhelmed]

Liam: [obvs put that as your phone background and show her and everyone else that it is]

Edie: [I definitely have a pic I can send you I wonder if there’s like a phone background generator ‘cos that’d be fun to do]

Liam: [oooh I hope so]

Edie: [If not we can change mine and screenshot fr though]

Liam: [unrelated but zeoob does fake tiktoks now btw so JJ and flatwhite energy will be even funnier]

Edie: [omfg, no way, gonna die]

Liam: [I haven’t found a background one yet though people be thinking I’m trying to design one for my phone, nay nay]

Edie: [yeah I don’t know how to search it either, we can just do it on mine though]

Edie: can I have a new one for mine?

Liam: [do send her one of the many pics of you I have where we’re on the grass]

Edie: I’ve never seen someone as cute as you

Liam: [send her her own pic back like HELLO look at you and this image]

Edie: you’re next level

Liam: your level but you completed it faster and unlocked more shit

Edie: [ARG where they make fake games as is a thing]

Edie: I wanna do this

Liam: so let’s do it

Edie: I’m home

Edie: just setting the stuff up and then I’ll storyboard as I stream

Edie: tune in when you can 💕

Liam: 🔁 bc you’ve said you’ll feel when I’m not

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imbellarosa · 4 years ago

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I'm likely the most anxious person alive. My anxiety is just terrible. I'm never not worrying and panicking and feeling so paranoid about things in my life. Except now it's reached a whole new level where I'm constantly plagued with anxious thoughts in this fandom. It's kind of fully taken over my life where my first thought when I wake up is about them, to the hours I'm lying awake (oh it's fun being an insomniac) waiting for sleep to finally grant me some serenity. It doesn't matter how many

, Atimes I tell myself I have no control over anything and I'm only ever seeing a tiny bit of the whole story so it's pointless. I try so hard to choose to not worry and not go insane thinking about everything but alas, anxiety is not a choice. This has manifested itself in a multitude of ways. Lyric analysis used to be something I savoured doing bc I have always connected so deeply with words and literature and I'm always someone who wants to dig deep beneath the surface, to see the parts of ppl

& lyrics that others gloss over, just delving into the core of things, seeing ppl for who they truly are. But now, I feel like I am losing it, that it's all become like this weird obsession. We all know BNFs are like DO NOT CHERRY PICK LYRICS and basically IGNORE THAT WEIRD GUT FEELING ABOUT ANY LYRICS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE SOMETHING'S NQR and they can sue me but I don't work like that. I've been obsessing over certain lyrics that I can't decipher or find an alternate meaning to the literal

one & obviously if it were to be taken literally it would be bad. And I just get so mad at myself for not understanding when words have always been my thing right? Like it was always where I excelled with flying colours and it came so naturally to me and then I get so exasperated with them (okay mainly H for his unfathomable lyrics) bc I want to understand more than anything (& I think deep down he craves being understood too) but he makes it so hard. But that's not the extent of it, I just

worry incessantly about everything. I just can't turn off my mind and it feels like it's on the verge of exploding. I wish I knew how to just take everything lightly & just revel in this fandom & have fun but instead I feel jaded and vexed all the time. And sometimes that infuriation is directed towards them & I feel guilty as I know that's unfair but I can't help it but it just gets on my nerves bc of the things they do & say (or rather don't do/say) haha so fun!! Apologies for this whole spiel

Hey anon <3! First of all, my inbox is always open, so jot that one right down. Second of all, I’m gonna say something that might sound out of line, but I think I have to say it: this sounds like your mental health might not be in a great place right now. And I don’t mean your “in fandom mental health”, I mean it sounds like your anxiety is giving you a really hard time overall, which, believe me, I know how much that sucks. Life is a lot right now. But what I am hearing you say is that this fandom has become a really tangible manifestation of those anxieties. Let me know if I’m way off base here, okay? But I’m going to ask some questions (that you totally don’t have to reply to me - you can absolutely just take inventory on your own if that’s how you feel most comfortable.

Are you safe? If you’re not safe, is there someone you can call? If not, here is the International Association for Suicide Prevention so that you can find resources in your area. If you are at all contemplating this, please stop reading right here and give them a call.

If you are safe, do you have someone you can talk to about how you feel? This can be someone that knows who you are in the fandom and can talk to you with immediate replies, or someone outside of fandom, like an irl friend or family member.

This question is primarily to do with a non-professional support system: do you have one you feel you can trust? If not, what are the things you could do to work towards that?

This question is about professional support: it sounds to me like you’re saying that your anxiety is really impairing your day to day functions. If this is the case, do you have a professional you can talk with about potential coping skills? It sounds like fandom used to be one, but as the environment here changed, so did your relationship with it, and so maybe reaching out to someone that can point you in other directions for coping skills is a good thing. Because I don't know where you live, my best advice would be to call your physician and explain the symptoms you’ve been having and ask if they have a list of therapists that you could see for little to no charge. If you don’t have a physician (and I often don’t) then google is your best friend here. There are some resources available, but none of them take the place of seeing a doctor. In the US, if you don’t have insurance, you can go to a local community clinic and ask to be put on a waiting list for a therapist, if you’d like.

I know that you’re saying that your anxiety is making it really difficult to disengage with BNFs and the discourse and all, but do you think that we could take it one step at a time? Like, for example, the lyric thing seems to really trigger your anxiety, so could you unfollow one blog (just one!) that makes you feel like that, and then see if you like your dash a bit better? It is TOTALLY okay to unfollow someone for your own mental health, and it isn’t a negative reflection on either of you!

Do you think that engaging with other media would help at all? For example, Supernatural has 15 whole seasons of absolute campy goodness which I really, really unironically adore. When this fandom gets too much, I turn on an episode and get lost in it for a hot second. Another thing I really enjoy is Good Omens! The book is AMAZING, and the TV show is HILARIOUS! And while we’re on recs, I SUPER SUPER recommend anything by Neil Gaiman, but “Stardust” in particular is a great, soothing read for me, and I LOVE the audiobook! Ah! Hot Tip! I pay for audible, and it is one of the BEST things for my anxiety, especially when I pick the right books. The voices are soothing, the stories are great, and I can just...tune everything else out.

If other media doesn’t help, would other hobbies? Would you be willing to go on a walk once a day to look for pretty stones or to ride your bike out with a book and stay for a minute or to start drawing at home or to write? Is there a way that you think you could healthily express these emotions which are a really normal response to an abnormal situation (the world is kinda a mess rn)

It sounds like you are feeling really badly that you don’t think you can get a grasp on the songs. Is there something you can do to rebuild your confidence here? Can you talk about it with a fandom friend, or write down all your theories and see which one sticks or start a brand new analysis with something that has nothing to do w H or L and then come back to the drawing board?

These are just questions that I would ask a friend that came to me with these issues, but honestly, I cannot stress #4 enough - if your anxiety is overwhelming (and it sounds like it is) then speaking to a professional is *so so so* important. I think it’s time to go take care of yourself, anon, and the boys will be here when you’re ready to interact with their content again. They’ll wait, you know? And I’ll be here the whole time if you want to do check-ins with me. I want to know that you’re okay, friend <3

#anon asks #i answer #i think that maybe some lyrics are literal and some are not #and that sometimes you get a mix in a song #i think often it's harry that has less literal lyrics #you're right #and i think that he often distances himself from the story #which he is very much a part of #but anyways #take care of yourself my friend and come back soon #long post for ts #tw suicide #tw anxiety #Anonymous

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disslve · 4 years ago

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𝐲𝐞𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐰 & 𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐝𝐲 ! this is nai and my cowboy ass is here to throw roxy @ u and also tell u bad jokes and cry over life is strange 2 because i’m still not over this game and I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. just a heads up, i came up with roxy on a whim because this rp just looked so good, so if it seems like i don’t know what i’m talking about ... it’s most likely the case whoops . ( this is an excuse for me bringing shitty muses ). anyway, my fake cowboy ass loves to ramble so if you’re interested in plotting feel free to LIKE this post or hmu. i forgot to mention that i’m also a fake grandma so idk anything about discord at all and i still need to set it up which will happen in the next few days dsdnsdsdn.

ps: wanted connections/plots can be find in my wanted tag ( a link is on my blog ) and i’ll also list some below !

EDIT: discord name is nai #7158

* [ kristine froseth + cis-female + she/her ] —— have you met roxanne ‘roxy’ bailey ? they are a twenty-two year old junior currently studying romance languages and literatures. they live on decker house and word around campus is that this scorpio is compassionate + dedicated, as well as impatient + dishonest. i wonder if they’ll make it out alive.

basics.

full name: roxanne elise bailey

nicknames: roxy, rox

sexual orientation: bisexual

birth place: valencia, spain ( but only lived there for five years )

history.

one could say that roxy had lived an easy life, though her parents weren’t distinguished by their social status, it didn’t mean they lacked money which was enough to support their daughter in whatever she wanted to do.

truth to be told, roxy was indeed a little spoiled, the type of kids who would try all kind of things on the expenses of their parents only to quit a new ‘hobby’ again. she could barely stick to anything. she was some twisted kind of golden child, good at many things but never had the patience to continue something for long enough to cultivate it.

skipping over the part where she almost tried everything from arts, music etc. she finally found her passion ( and even roxy herself was surprised ). figure skating. she didn’t know what drew her in, she couldn’t explain it, she tried it and it felt right. roxy always describes the feeling as finding a soulmate if she feels extra dramatic that day.

unsurprisingly, she was good at it. not that kind of good at something she was at all the other things she tried before, but that being good at which stemmed from genuine interest. maybe, that is why she managed to get so far. and it didn’t take too long that people even started to call her a figure skating prodigy.

at this point at her life, she had it all, spinning the stars on her fingertips ( or warning bad pun ahead: spinning on the ice ). until, well, her parents company was in some crisis and they had to cut corners in the meantime. also oh so ‘conveniently’ roxy lived at the arse end of nowhere and getting to her practices was now even more difficult because as mentioned before they had to save their money for more necessary things. of course, there were more things , small and big, which totally threw her off ( which i am too lazy to list rn).

roxy tried to work part time, but a) the money wasn’t enough b) she didn’t want to cut more hours of training she managed to get. AND well, here comes the turning point and roxy thinking she was oh-so-smart without realizing that it would cost her career. oh-so-smart roxy came up with the idea to , well, just steal some stuff. after all, she trained with many other wealthy peers and she could just sell off their stuff or something.

at the beginning she only did it to afford certain things she needed, but soon it somehow became an addiction. she felt in control when everyone else in her life was an utter mess. however, the more she took things away from others the more she felt comfortable, doing it more often and sometimes taking things which weren’t even worth that much. it was only a matter of time until she was caught. and as if she was lucky for too long, the person who caught her pressured her into either giving them a hefty sum of money (which she didn’t have) or to quit figure skating. she decided for the latter.

well, here she was and her sudden departure was quite a shock. but she had no choice and stated it was for personal reasons.

skipping over her being devastated over it, etc. her parents managed to save their company (whatever this company is) but at this point it was already too late and roxy was accepted into holloway.

right now she actually wants to pick up her figure skating career again, however, she’s too afraid that the blackmailer is going to expose her and also she doesn’t really know who they are (lets pretend they wrote her letters, txt messages >??) and also she’s kind of afraid due to the lack of practice she had .

personality.

okay i’ll keep this short bcs i wrote way too much for her background story. but to sum it up, roxy kind of has that perfect girl facade. considering how many friends roxy has and how social she appears to be it is odd that no one seems to be able to describe her. roxy doesn’t want people to know who she truly is, and she keeps her distance as she actively avoids conflicts that might cause her to say something wrong and exposes herself.

she shields her feelings by only presenting polished version of herself, the facade of the perfect girl: kind, hard-working and polite. someone whose life is easy and someone who looks like she doesn’t have any worries. it doesn’t mean she isn’t anything of that, but it’s not as if her kindness has no bounds or that she doesn’t need to put effort into the things she does. nevertheless, she believes that she must be perfect in order to make people like her. and while, she is pretty good at masking her emotions and smile along, as soon as someone threatens to see past the illusion, she will become defensive and won’t hesitate to lie in order to preserve it.

plots.

best friends: although roxy pretty much keeps her distance from everyone else, this person had always stood by her side. maybe they knew about roxy’s sudden wannabe-thief phase ( which she is still in ) and well tried to talk her out of it ( which obviously didn’t work ). also adding some drama here and maybe they had a big argument over it and distanced from each othr because of it. however, my angst ass doesn’t want to ruin it and they’ll rekindle their friendship. they might meet again at holloway and it’s awkward at first, maybe they even have some arguments but they’ll get over it because everyone loves a good rekindled friendship story.

annoyance: someone who gets under roxy’s skin.seeing past the perfect girl face and constantly calling her out on it. maybe they just have fun annoying her and want to see what she really likes or they just don’t like roxy , thinking that beneath all of this act, she is a really unpleasant person. perhaps, they’re even doing it with good intentions and want to show her that she doesn’t need to hide who she is. whatever it is, they’re determined to expose to the world who she really is.

pen pal ??: muse a and roxy had been friends for a very long time, yet the funny thing is that they’ve never met each other nor do they know what the other look like. all they know is their name ( or maybe they only know each other by their usernames ) and their deepest secrets. maybe they already have crossed paths many times and perhaps even know each other but don’t like each other irl. or they never had noticed the other.

blackmailer: BECAUSE WHY NOT??? the person who forced roxy to give up on figure skating. maybe, they were a rival or just didn’t like her, or any other reason. they might as well, have noticed that roxy is secretly training again and might be back at their shit again.

exes: GIVE ME THE ANGST, maybe muse a and roxy used to be in a serious relationship and as naive they were back then both of them thought this love would last forever. however, at some point roxy started to distance herself from muse a, constantly cancelling their dates because of their busy schedule. at first muse a tried to be understanding towards her, but as time passed things only got worse. roxy hating any kind of conflict just decided to ignore the problem instead about talking about it and eventually stopped replying to muse a messages. muse a never really got to know the real reason behind their break up and was left with unanswered questions. but anything works

unrequited love: (this is just me throwing in my favourite way to make myself suffer) It doesn’t matter who is the one with the the one sided love because i just want some good angst.a) muse a has a crush on roxy, yet they never told her about it. yet, muse a can’t hide it and it doesn’t take too long until roxy notices it. but instead of trying to talk to muse a about it, roxy just ignores it acting as she usually does and perhaps even give them false hope that she might like them back. maybe muse a even confessed to her and because roxy didn’t want to hurt them she told muse a she’d think about it.

b) roxy has a crush on muse a but doesn’t admit it. she doesn’t want to show their vunerable side and just plays it down. maybe they’re friends and roxy doesn’t want to lose another friend. but one day she confesses to muse a on accident, making everything awkward between them.

someone she stole from: idk i thought this would be fun ? maybe she confessed to them about it or maybe they caught her but decided to not confront her about it.

fan: someone who used to watch her perfomances on their tv and is still not over the fact that she quit.

i also have a connection page on my blog if these are too specific or none of these work

i’m too tired to come up with more dsdsdnjsd but gimme everything !! THE ANGST, FLUFF, DRAMA PLS!!!

#did i use a special font just to highlight the yeehaw ?? yes #holloway.intro #this got so long djssdsdn

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tslasvegas · 4 years ago

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Episode 2: “I am typically regarded as a joke” - Livingston

Anyways... rip Colin, no idea who that was.. obviously Okay well I think we are out of the first impressions stage of this game and I think I've done an okay job of not making a strong impression one way or another, except to DeNara who I've been talking to most consistently since the start of this game. Except for today lmfao I was NOT active on purpose but I'll try to get to that in this confessional. I saw that the tribe went on a call so I decided to join and chit-chat with the girlies of this tribe and I've gotta say.. I'm lowkey disappointed to learn that despite being a returning player, everybody else on the tribe is friends with each other. Aside from Mo it sounds like they all know each other one way or another and I'm kinda left out of that connection. Even though they might not all be friends, it is a bit uncomfortable to be in a call with people where you know NOTHING they're talking about and you're not catching any of the jokes or references to other games. Also, I noticed that the personalities kinda blended together and these aren't people that I'd get along with in other orgs I play, so.. oops. One highlight of the call was that Nik was talking about Rachael and they were saying that Rachael got rid of them, I believe. Basically just talking about how they view Rachael differently because of that I guess? I was kind of in and out during that. But then DeNara posted IN THE TRIBE CHAT when it was just us three plus Kailyn on the call that Nik was spilling tea... and it was just. so. cringe. Idk if Nik or Kailyn noticed and the fact that everyone else was acting so nonchalant makes me think I missed something but either way I was on mute howling bc of second-hand embarrassment. As far as my current position, I do feel a bit comfortable with where I'm at because although I AM uncomfortable being left out of the friend group, normally I thrive early game when I get underestimated. I'm trying to just not make waves and stick to whatever plans come my way and hopefully people don't view me as a threat. Every time I'd leave and rejoin the call everybody was talking about totally normal IRL stuff so it doesn't seem like people are playing the game yet, but last round I did make a bit of an alliance with DeNara for the time being. Despite feeling like an outsider, I'm going to just continue to look at the positives of every situation because as a pessimistic person by nature, I'm inclined to feel doomed in any scenario. But this is my redemption season. I'm not here to get tenth place, I'm here to win and this season will prove itself to be an uphill battle and I'm just getting started. Tumblr Survivor has always felt like the story of Sisyphus and the Boulder to me. Look into the deeper meaning of the story and I promise a lot of the details do kind of relate to me and my character throughout my run in this community, but the general idea is that I've been tasked with a chore of having to push this heavy boulder up a neverending mountain in Hell. As a returning player, I've faced a lot of hardship when I could've just gotten the outcome I want the first time, and each return to Tumblr Survivor, I've pretty much done worse and worse since then. I'm ready to finally push that fucking boulder out of the underworld and bring myself back to the playing field I deserve to be on. For now, I'm just going to keep pushing.

So glad we won that first immunity. Why am I not surprise to see a unanimous vote for the first tribal. Even a self vote.... hopefully we win again today

I’m already over this tribe. Keegan and Liv are the only fun ones to talk to, Joey I think tries but also doesn’t. Also low key hoping people don’t know too much about Svalbard cause if people know about Rachael and I being close that could be a problem. I’m not letting my work schedule get in the way of my activity, but it’s a bad sign to me when I’m of the most active people on the tribe. I should be the baseline, not the gold standard

I think our Tribe is a bit laid back. Not much interaction, not really that engaging. I hope Jake and Kevin did a good job at the challenge, I don't want to go to Tribal again. The typhoon here passed, I hope Tribal passes too!

Woo we got out the main inactive person. Although really my entire tribe is quiet and lowkey inactive, but Jake and I talk a lot in PMs which is good. Also Stephen is doing his best with timezones so I know he wants to play bc he's always on when he is able to be on. The next biggest inactive person on the tribe is Kevin, but he instantly volunteered to do the challenge so yay I guess. If we lose though, he is still an option to go in my mind. I'm not trying to make too much of a plan because we could win this challenge and then I'm going to try to open the vault because if we come in first I will have 10 chips. But I still need to figure out if it costs 10 chips to open the vault or if you're just not allowed to look at it until you have 10 chips.

You want a confessional, well here it is. Nothing has happened. To be honest, I’ve barely even spoken to anyone today. Or yesterday for that matter. It’s also been quiet in tribe chat.

I finally got my tribe on a call. Most of them joined in, at least for a little bit so that was nice. The only person that wasn't on call was Ben, which kind of paints him as the outsider of the tribe right now.

...five seconds later

I want to get to know Mo better and maybe set up some sort of alliance with them, but they are so spotty with when they are on, it is difficult to keep a conversation going. I am not chill enough for this game yet lol.

ok. so like that's annoying. that challenge was supposed to be fun but jake is making a big stink. and like yeah i'm mad too but like it's over and it's just a game it's not like actual money lol. also, i don't really care if we go to tribal. makes you stronger. whatever. i'm sure he's a nice person but like i think he's just mad he lost. whatevs.

Nik and Rachael did our challenge and won. Thank goodness it wasn't me! What my tribe will soon come to realize is I am basically useless at challenges. Rip me.

...five seconds later

Yay! Mo finally asked if I wanted to work together! Took them long enough ;-) jkjk I am excited to finally start playing this game

So after a heated and undeserved loss - sorry Dan I know we talked about it but I'm sticking to my guns - I start packing my bags. All of a sudden Stephen wants to target John, John wants to target Timmy; and nobody is throwing my name out there... Like... Hello? I just got into a public fight with production, shouldn't I be target number one? And now, Xavier and I are the swing votes... How the hell did the worst Tumblr Survivor Player and a 45 Year old man end up stuck in the middle? What the hell even is this season?

WE LOST AGAIN. So now which alliance to choose?!

youtube

I can't believe this round. I should be the target, why - why am I not the target? I lost the challenge. I yelled at production. I am the easiest vote, but nobody is voting me! What is happening?? Timmy and Stephen made an alliance chat with Xavier and I to vote John. John and Kevin are working together to vote Timmy. Xavier says - "Jake tell me what to do!" Timmy and John are both telling me everything the other one is saying to each other, and it's amazing. I have no idea how Xavier and I are voting tonight. On one hand, you have Stephen and Timmy who seem like a really strong duo. But Stephen trusts me a lot, and if I vote out his closest ally than I'll go down that list - which could be trouble in case of the inevitable swap. John is MY closest ally, but if we vote him out the team is much more united. Do I play for ME or do I play for WE? I'm 95% sure the vote is going to be 4-2, and people are going to be blindsided.

“Theres three tribes! Means we’re less likely to have back to back tribals” -_- sure jan. So we lost again, blergh, looked like an annoying challenge. The tribe is still pretty muted, who knows whether they’re voting for me or not. I made a 4-man alliance with Timmy Jake and Xavier, which i do want, but we’ll have to see if everyone is legit. The two bad possibilities are if everyone is actually voting me for various reasons (timezone, round one oopsie, etc.) or if the real vote is jake for arguing with dan. idk, time will tell. From my POV the vote is John, pretty randomly just based on the fact of who competed in the challenge.

Hiiiiiii So I am very excited to be back in the game again. I very much enjoy my original tribe especially Andrew. We already have a Pennsylvania alliance with Stephanie and I think that that is good groundwork to have moving forward should we ever lose a challenge we already have three that are tight in at seven so if we hear anything about any of them targeting us we can do something about it. I like Livingston a lot and Joey but I can’t tell if Joey is 14 years old or not and that kind of bothers me. I am v excited to get with Kevin and see where me him and Andrew can go

Winning is great, but we need to lose the next one or it’s gonna be a weird spot if the first swap is at 18, although it is very possible that it’s at 16. I don’t want to go into a swap with all the agency being with Luxor, or us having the most players because in both cases we get painted as the targets. Bad news all around

I have yet to confess but here goes! I feel very good on my tribe. We seem to be doing fairly well at comps so far and I would love to continue to miss Tribal as much as humanly possible. I have talked to everyone on my tribe in some capacity but I am not trying to be the one to initiate like alliances and shit before we even have to attend tribal. I just wanna be chill and lay low while also being a good member of the tribe whom people like. Keegan and I have a mutual agreement to make sure each other gets far. I got first boot in my last game and he has never made single digits here in Tumblr Survivor so let's change that. One fear with working with Keegan is that he knows how I play. I played his game, Forest of Horrors, and got rocked out at the Final 7. Keegan has since told me that I was runner up for Player of the Season. I am typically regarded as a joke in this community but Keegan is someone who knows how I play and respects how I play. This game is an entirely different scenario so I am going to likely try to keep my connection up with him.

So the vote seems like it's going to be John Coffey. I'm quite sad about it for a few reasons. He is really nice and I know we work well together in games and he is a very loyal player. Also, Jake had an entire temper tantrum last night after results and that was just extremely annoying. But, Jake is more active and talks to me more while John is a rare sighting. Tbh I would rather it be Kevin but I think they're getting a pass since they participated in the challenge...always next tribal because knowing this tribe it's a strong possibility. I swear if the next challenge is a music video though I will punch a wall since that will be my death sentence since I do not participate in those. I never feel comfortable so I just don't. If we go to tribal as a tribe of 5, that might not be that good, so just really hoping that that is not the next challenge.

ok here's the tea guys. i am pretty solid in my tribe right now. after this vote tonight there 5 of us, and 4 of us are in an alliance, which is good. HOWEVER, i'm solid with the 3 people separately. that's put me in a good spot for a tribe swap/merge. obviously we're like years away from a merge. but we could tribe swap soon. we shall see!

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whoree321 · 4 years ago

Text

Bike Lessons (s.r.)

Request: i was wondering if you could write a spencer reid x reader where instead of him getting shot, him and the reader are on a date, riding their bikes and spencer is learning or sumn (bc i kinda get the feeling that he didn’t as a kid), and they are in the park, and spencer looses control and ends up falling with the reader, and you know, he dislocates his knee and the reader her shoulder ( :’D ), and idk maybe emily, penelope, or hotch could be i’m the park at the same time talking to morgan or idk in the phone and they’re like “hold on, some idiot just fell. let me check if they r okay.” and they go and it’s spencer n the reader?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None, really. Minor bike accident, dislocated shoulder and knee but nothing described too graphically.

Word Count: 1.6k

Category: Fluff

---------------------------

“What do you mean you don’t know how to ride a bike!?”

Spencer Reid was many things, but a proud man he was not. Years of school bullying had been combatted by more years of relentless, loving teasing from his coworkers and closest friends, and resulted in a man who could take criticism and jokes at his expense rather well. That did not, however, do anything to stop the burning shame he felt at his girlfriend’s revelation about his biking abilities.

He gave her a sheepish grin before replying, “It’s not that I don’t know how to ride a bike, necessarily. When I was in college, biking was my primary form of transportation as the state of Nevada wouldn’t issue me a license at 14. But I haven’t ridden a bike in almost 15 years. You know, despite the common saying that you never forget how to ride a bike due to muscle memory, studies have shown that…”

As much as she would have loved to listen to what studies had to say about the longevity of muscle memory, Y/N had more pressing information to gather.

Interrupting him, she asked, “So you learned how to ride a bike, you just don’t think you remember how to since it’s been so long?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying”

Y/N nodded, a plan for the day quickly forming in her mind.

“Alright,” she said decidedly, “well, good news! Today you’re gonna learn again!”, a cheery grin overtaking her face.

Spencer groaned and hung his head. This was so not how he wanted to spend his rare day off with his beautiful girlfriend. They were always off on gruesome cases, too weary and focused to truly enjoy each other’s company. He had hoped for a calm day inside, maybe read or binge one of their favorite shows and just be with each other. But he recognized that gleam in Y/N’s eyes, could practically feel the excitement radiating off of her, and he knew he’d never in a million years be able to say no and risk being the reason that bright smile faded.

Looking back up, he replied resignedly, “Fine. But I get to choose dinner tonight.”

“Deal!”, she squealed, leaping off the couch and bounding to their shared bedroom.

Laughing lightly at his girlfriend’s childish antics, he got up and followed her, watching as she dug around through her drawers for a pair of leggings. Soon, they were both dressed in casual athletic wear and made their way to a bike rental kiosk that Y/N had found near the park.

Walking their newly rented bikes to the trail, Y/N glanced over at Spencer to see him anxiously chewing on his lip. She could tell he was nervous, probably not wanting to embarrass himself in front of her, but she thought that once he got the hang of it he would really like it, and it would be another activity the two could enjoy together. Smiling at the idea, she stopped once they had gotten to the trail and put the kickstand of her bike down.

“Ok, why don’t you just get on and do your best to ride it like you remember doing before. I know your big ole brain is still storing that info,” Y/N said with smile. Spencer looked between her and the bike a little uncertainly, before she gently added, “I’ll walk next to you just in case things go south.”

This convinced him, and he tentatively got on the bike and started pedaling. His balance was a little off at first, and she could tell that his hand-eye coordination (or lack thereof) was always going to be an issue, but he got the hang of it rather quickly.

“Ok, I think I got it! You can stop walking next to me now, I think there might be one or two people left in park that haven’t seen a grown man being taught to ride a bike like a child,” Spencer told her teasingly, though the triumphant look in his eyes told her how happy he was at catching on with minimal difficulty.

Y/N giggled at his remark. “Ok hot shot, lets take a lap around the park and see if you’re still so cocky.”

The two rode down the trail nearly side by side, Y/N slightly ahead of him but close enough that they could still talk. They made their way smoothly, chatting and laughing, but the peace was not to last.

Looking back at it later, Spencer concluded that it was entirely that damn squirrel’s fault. If that squirrel hadn’t run out onto the sidewalk, he would not have violently swerved into the back wheel of Y/N’s bike, causing them both to lose their balance and harshly crash to the ground, a tangled mess of bike and limbs.

To make matters worse, their misfortune was not without witness. As luck would have it, the BAU’s resident tech genius Penelope Garcia happened to be on an uncharacteristic trip to the park, stuck on a picnic date that that was currently going from bad to worse.

“Derek, I am telling you, this guy is bad, I mean capital B-A-D bad, and not in the good way. He spent 25 minutes telling me about the benefits of intermittent fasting! Fasting, Derek! I couldn’t fast if my life depended on it! I mean, don’t get me wrong I totally respect people that fast for religious reasons, oh my goodness I mean those people are so strong and dedicated I couldn’t imagine doing that! But to fast for literally no reason at all and brag about it on a date!”

Morgan chuckled on the other line. “Where is he now, sweetness?”

“He saw some guys that he knew playing frisbee and went to go say hi and he joined their game and that was like 10 minutes ago. So not only is this guy the most boring conversationalist ever, he’s just straight up rude! I mean, could you imagine taking a girl out on a date and- oh my gosh, these two people just got into a bike accident over on the hiking trail! Oh wow, that did not look pleasant, I would hate to be those two idiots right now.”

Watching the fallen bikers slowly start to move, Garcia gasped as she recognized the brown curly head and the Y/H/C ponytail sticking up from the crash.

“Oh my goodness, Derek I have to go, those are our idiots!”, she exclaimed as she hung up and ran over to her coworkers.

“Reid? Y/L/N? Are you guys ok!? I saw you fall down, are you hurt!?”

Y/N groaned as she sat upright, her shoulder sharply aching. “Penelope, what are you doing here?”, she asked.

Penelope huffed before she answered, “I’m hopefully escaping the worst date in the history of dates, now yes or no, are you ok?”.

“Yeah, Pen, I’m fine, I think I busted my shoulder a little though. Spence, how about you?”, Y/N asked, directing her attention to her grimacing boyfriend.

“I’m ok. That stupid squirrel got in my way and I didn’t want to hit it, I’m sorry,” he replied sheepishly, staring guiltily at Y/N as she attempted to assess the damage to her shoulder.

Garcia helped the pair stand up, and Spencer nearly collapsed again once he put weight on his left leg. Gasping in pain, he looked down to see his knee bent at an angle that could not have been right.

Averting her gaze from his clearly dislocated knee, Garcia helped steady him before declaring, “I need to take you two to a hospital because clearly neither of you are actually fine.”

The two agreed, following Garcia to her car and getting into her backseat. Spencer kept his eyes trained on his hands, guilt at hurting Y/N ailing him far more than his searing knee. He finally looked at her, however, when she reached over and grabbed his hand. Flashing him that dazzling smile from earlier, she leaned over to whisper in his ear.

“Maybe you should have let me walk next to you a little longer,” she offered with a wink, eliciting a chuckle from her boyfriend that warmed her heart.

*DAYS LATER*

“Wait, wait, wait, so you’re telling me that the two of you manage to hunt serial killers generally unscathed for a living, but Pretty Boy here tries to learn how to ride a bike and you walk away with a dislocated shoulder and knee?”, Derek Morgan teased as he watched his two friends enter the bullpen, clad in their respective braces and Spencer hobbling on his crutches.

“Oh I could just kill Garcia! I told her the story she was supposed to tell you all was that we got injured stopping the mob from robbing a bank,” Y/N replied dejectedly.

“Sorry kitty cat, I just happened to be on the phone with her when it happened,” he explained bemusedly.

“Besides, Y/N/N, it’s pretty unrealistic that any mob would be robbing a bank in broad daylight, and statistically improbable that we would just so happen to walk into it and be capable of stopping it,” Spencer chimed in cheekily, knowing how much his logical debunking of her story would rile her up.

Y/N glared at him before answering. “You know what, I’m glad the squirrel did this to you. I might have been collateral damage, but you deserved it.” She sat at her desk, but not without giving him a small glance and playful grin to let him know she was joking.

Spencer simply rolled his eyes and took a seat at his own desk, although he couldn’t help but feel pretty good about how things had turned out. He may have been bested by a squirrel and a bike, but he would get to spend the next few weeks on desk duty with his favorite person. And Y/N would probably never make him ride a bike again.

It definitely turned out pretty good.

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer read x y/n #spencer reid imagine

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camimcndcs · 4 years ago

Text

it’s a... girl!

TAGGING: KJ @itskjapa, Cami.

LOCATION: Vancouver, BC.

TIMEFRAME: August 22nd, 2020.

NOTES: The gender of Baby Apa is revealed.

KJ: The party was in fully swing, people laughing and sharing stories as if they hadn’t seen each other in months. When in reality they had been hanging out on a weekly basis as soon as they had found their way back to Los Angeles. Unable to stay away for very long. KJ looked on from his spot under the porch of the main house they were staying in — the wide green space surrounding them giving the place a little something magical. Taking another swing of his beer, his eyes trailed from their friends to the numerous goodies that had been placed onto a very large table. Blue and pink adorning everything. From the tablecloth to the napkins. And there was no way to miss out on the balloons awaiting them in the corner — their faces plastered on the texture that matched the sex they were each rooting for. Although he had been adamant about their baby being a boy, the thing that truly mattered was for them to be healthy. That still didn’t prevent him from playing the part he had so much fun with. “Here comes my little boy in his mum’s belly.” he teased as Camila moved toward him with a hand placed over her stomach. The sight alone eliciting a wide grin that was on the verge of hurting his cheeks. “You won’t be too disappointed, aye. Not the first time I’m right and you’re wrong, babe.” The last sentence earned him a slap over the head as his dad passed him by — not acknowledging him much more as he continued on his way and mingled with the others. “I swear, he just gets a kick outta this.” Separating the distance between them, KJ wrapped his arms around her form and caught her lips in a soft kiss. One that lingered as they both stood still in the embrace they were sharing. “I love you, babe. And I can’t wait for us to finally know the gender of our baby.” he told her with a genuine smile, looking down at the belly that kept on growing as time passed them by. So fascinating to think an actual human being was currently laying in there. This pregnancy never failed to amaze him.

Cami: Their first weekend back in Vancouver was an important one for many reasons, but the main reason was the party they were currently in the midst of participating in. Everyone had arrived the night before, settling in quite nicely to the houses they had rented for all of their friends and family. Camila had woken up early this morning to pee and hadn't been able to fall back asleep because she's been so excited for the party. They had kicked off the festivities at noon and the happy couple had made their rounds to everyone that filled the space. Escaping to pee again, Camila had spotted her baby daddy on the porch of the main house, taking a swig of his beer and taking everything in. Cradling her bump with one hand, the raven-haired girl rolled her eyes as he teased her about their baby being a boy for what felt like the millionth time just as his father walked by, earning him a slap over the head which brought a laugh out of her. "Myself and your granddaughter thank you," she called after her future father-in-law with a cheeky grin on her face. "I get quite the kick out of him always slapping you upside the head," she giggled as KJ separated the distance between them by wrapping his arms around her form and catching her lips in a soft kiss. Camila hummed against his lips and pouted slightly as he pulled back to talk to her. "I love you too. And I can't wait to prove you wrong, very soon," she teased, watching as his eyes fell to her growing belly. "How do I look?" she said with a smile, smoothing the fabric of her dress down so her belly was really exposed. Camila looked around at the party, the decorations, treats and all of their favorite people in one place and couldn't help but feel overly happy. "Everything looks perfect, I can't believe we pulled this off," she whispered, reaching for KJ's hand to place it on her stomach. "Everyone here loves you so much, Baby Apa."

KJ: As Camila's question tumbled from her lips, KJ leaned back to take into the view she offered -- the sight of her belly sticking out eliciting a soft chuckle. There was no need to ponder on the question in the first place, not when she was, and would always be, the most beautiful girl he had ever set his eyes on. Though her body was going through numerous changes during the pregnancy and he knew just how self conscious she could be when it came to her appearance. Which is why he always did his best to reassure her whenever she gave him the hint to do so. "Like a magnificent soon to be mum. You're literally glowing, babe." he told her, the adoration crossing his features letting her know he meant every word. It often felt like a dream or another reality -- life had been so kind to them, so amazingly fantastic that he couldn't help but fear he would wake up one of these days and realize his imagination had been too vivid. Luckily for him, when such thoughts crept up suddenly, there was always a moment that appeased his worried mind. And in this case, it was when his fiancée reached out for his hand and placed it on her stomach. The swell of it filling his eyes with brimming tears that he willed away as soon. "More than anything." he added to what she had uttered to their child, his gaze flicking back to her features before he drew her into another kiss -- this one more intense and passionate than the first. It was the hollering from their friends and family that made them pull back; laughing quietly to themselves before they turned around to acknowledge them. Cole jokingly reminding the couple they couldn't inject another baby in her womb no matter how hard they would try. "Shall we get to the main event, aye?" he asked Camila with a cocked eyebrow, loudly enough that the question alone had everyone cheer in agreement. They weren't the only ones impatient regarding the gender reveal.

Cami: Watching as KJ leaned back to take in the view she was offering him, Camila couldn't help but smile. "Glowing?" she repeated as a question, her cheeks turning slightly red as she blushed at the compliment. She watched his face as his hand came in contact with the swell of her stomach, the tears that he quickly willed away seemed to just resurface in her own eyes. This time when he drew her into another kiss it was more passionate than the first. When their friends and family began to holler, she pulled back, blushing again as they both giggled. At Cole's teasing reminder that they couldn't inject another baby into her while she was already pregnant, the raven-haired girl stuck her middle finger up at him with a chuckle. At KJ’s next question directed at her but loud enough for everyone to hear him Camila nodded as their friends and family hooted and hollered. “I totally think we should,” she breathed out with a smile, wrapping his free hand around her waist and placing her own hand over her stomach. They approached the spot that had been deemed the reveal area where two balloons waited for them with their own baby pictures on them. The intent was for them to pop the balloons and see which color confetti fell out of them. Camila had her sights set on pink and KJ had been dreaming about blue for a little boy ever since she’d told him she was pregnant. She would be happy either way, because all that mattered was their healthy baby, but she was still hoping for a girl deep down. Cole positioned himself in front of them to get pictures of the reveal while Madelaine stood with her camera ready to record the moment. The rest of their friends and family had phones out, some FaceTiming people who couldn’t be there and others ready to record and take photos. “Ready, babe?” she said, reaching for her balloon and one of the pins they had to pop it. “On the count of three,” Lili called out from her spot next to Mads. “One... two... three...”

KJ: The smile gracing his features widened as Camila agreed to finally get to the most awaited event of the party; hand gently resting on her waist as they made their way to the balloons awaiting them. The anticipation of the moment was at an all time high and as he stood where he was guided to, KJ felt himself becoming nervous. Not because the confetti could prove him wrong, but for the simple fact that the reveal in itself would bring them one step closer to their baby. He often thought about what their life would be like as soon as this little human being would join them -- it was exciting and frightening all at once, knowing another person would count on them to make the right decisions and take care of their every need. When the gender would be revealed, their adventure would suddenly take another turn. Glancing at Camila as they both waited for the countdown -- holding onto their balloon with a pin firmly held into the other hand -- he winked at her, having the feeling that they were both on the same wavelength regarding the matter. Anxious but thrilled. "One... two... three..." Two loud popping sounds echoed, pink confetti streaming along the gentle breeze flowing around them and spreading itself in the wide area. A girl. He barked out a laugh and immediately hid his face behind both hands, shaking his head as he heard the screams and joyful interactions erupting at the sight of the color. A little voice deep down had been telling him for weeks he was probably wrong, but KJ had held onto his pride of never giving up; especially when it came to a bet with Camila. A girl. Before he knew it, he was submerged with a wave of emotions he couldn't contain. His eyes filled with tears and he dropped his hands in order to catch his fiancée's gaze, allowing her to witness the bright grin etched on his lips. "Fuck." he breathed out, a giggle following suit as he pulled her into his arms for a tight embrace. Finding refuge in the crook of her neck while the tears fell.

Cami: As the loud sound of balloons popping filled her ears, Camila momentarily shut her eyes before remembering the whole point of what they were doing. The sound of screams and cheers filled her ears as she opened her eyes to catch sight of pink confetti streaming through the gentle breeze that was flowing around them. A girl. She let out a gasp as her hand went straight to her mouth in shock. KJ had been so convinced it was a boy, she had almost expected to see blue confetti just because he'd talked such a big game. Camila would've adored a little boy, but the sight of pink confetti made her heart burst. Looking over at KJ as he dropped his hands, she could see tears filling his eyes which immediately brought them to her own eyes. The grin etched on his lips warmed her heart and she couldn't help but also giggle when he breathed out the f-word. "Watch your mouth, our little girl can hear you," she whispered, letting her own tears fall as he pulled her into his arms in a tight embrace. His face found refuge in the crook of her neck as she brought her hands up to run through his hair. "You are going to be the greatest girl dad on the planet." Everything was slowly starting to sink in more now that they knew their baby's gender. A girl. Camila was completely over the moon. Suddenly she felt a strong kick from inside her stomach, one that was much different from the flutters she had started feeling last week. "Shit, babe, did you feel that?" she asked, pulling away from him a bit to rest her hand on her stomach and there it was again. "Give me your hand, you've got to feel this," she exclaimed, rather quietly as their friends and family continued to mingle and celebrate. It was almost as if time stood still for the couple, because all Camila could focus on was her fiancé and their baby who was now making her presence quite known. Taking KJ's hand in her own, Camila laid it flat against her stomach in the spot where their baby had just kicked.

KJ: Another giggle tumbled from his lips as Camila chastised him for his foul language, though all he did was squeeze her closer against his frame -- eyes fluttering shut while the last of his tears continued their journey along his cheeks. Their little girl. KJ could already envision a mini Camila running around their house in Los Angeles, chased by an eager Truffle. The thought alone made his heart soar like never before. "Oh, baby." he murmured against her flesh, peppering it with a multitude of kisses as they kept their embrace. In their own world while their loved ones were celebrating with each other. He could barely hear the sound of their cheers anymore, simply focused on the amazing woman who was carrying his child and the bump that stood between them. Her words almost brought another set of tears, though he exhaled loudly and willed himself to keep his composure. "And you will be the greatest girl mum ever." He had barely been able to utter the last syllable that a quick motion against his stomach made him jump slightly -- a chuckle elicited by the way she reacted before he pulled back to look into her wide brown eyes. Full of wonder and excitement. "Language." he teased with a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, just as she done previously with him. Though he was quick to give into her request, impatiently waiting to properly feel what had went down mere seconds ago. KJ knew exactly what this was all about and he was amused by the fact that their girl was so timely. Giving her first kick the day they were celebrating her. When it happened again and this time around where his hand was firmly pressed against her belly, he dropped to his knees -- cradling the bump and resting his forehead against the fabric of her dress. Never had he been more grateful for his life than right now. With the woman he loved and their child interacting with them for the very first time. "My girl's gonna be so strong. Just like her mum."

Cami: At his murmuring against her flesh followed by kisses pressed against it as he held her in his embrace, Camila burst out into another fit of giggles. “I hope our baby has your cute little accent and calls me ‘mum’ all the time,” she whispered. At his teasing words about her language, Camila rolled her eyes but continued to laugh as he placed his hand on her stomach and waited to feel another kick. She couldn’t believe their girl was showing up with her first big kick on the day they had found out her gender and were celebrating her. As he dropped to his knees and cradled her bump before resting his forehead against the fabric of her dress. Camila’s hands went to his hair, running her fingers through it. “And she’s going to be so cool, just like her dad,” she whispered fondly. Lili called them out of their bubble to offer up cupcakes which they happily took, she’d added an extra one to Camila’s plate which she appreciated because she was eating for two now. “Thanks, Lils,” she whispered, turning to focus on their friends and family who surrounded them and were now focused back on them in this moment. “Sorry everyone, baby girl just wanted to really make her presence known,” she giggled, reaching out to hold KJ’s hands with a grin. “We love you all so much and we’re so lucky to have you all in our lives,” she continued, focusing on their friends and family. “Let’s get this party started,” she cheered, raising her hand that was clasped in KJ’s up in the air as music began to play from the speakers they had gotten set up for the party. This was a gender reveal, but any excuse to dance and have fun was a good idea in Camila’s mind. Finishing one of her cupcakes, she grabbed KJ’s hand and dragged him out towards the dance floor, wrapping her arms around his neck as she swayed in time to the music.

KJ: The words she uttered made him look up, a soft smile dancing on his lips. But before he could tease Camila about how cheesy their current interaction was, they were interrupted by Lili -- cupcakes in hand and thus reminding them they had never been alone in the first place. Despite the bubble they had locked themselves in after the reveal. “Thanks.” he said as he straightened his body, reaching out for the plate and immediately pulled into a playful embrace by his mates who didn’t fail to mention how wrong he had been all this time about the sex of their child. Joshing him relentlessly with friendly pats on his back and an excitement that was animating every single person attending the event. KJ had been stubborn enough to share his immovable views with every person that was in the known; it was only fair game of them to make fun of him. “Fuck you.” he exclaimed through his laughter before moving back against his fiancée when she tugged on his hand while addressing everyone. There was nothing more to add on his part; she had said enough regarding the way they both felt when it came to the unwavering support and love they were constantly surrounded with. It was with a bright grin that he echoed the cheering going on, the music playing in the background becoming louder and people entertaining themselves in the way they saw fit. The cupcake had been destroyed in two bites as soon as he had munched on it -- his gaze skimming along the table in order to find something else that would tickle his fancy. Though Camila pulled him away before he could even attempt to grab something. “I was trying to eat, aye.” he informed her jokingly, arms sneaking around her waist and holding her close to him. The look in her eyes so full of happiness and love, it only increased the intensity of his own emotions behind his brown orbs. “Careful, I reckon I could ask for another kind of food if you keep this up.”

Cami: Watching fondly as the guys pulled KJ into an embrace, Camila took a bite from one of her cupcakes and gave a thumbs up to Lili. The boys were all teasing KJ for being so certain it was a boy when in fact Baby Apa had been a girl all along. "Language," she whispered, elbowing him in the side as he moved back against her. KJ cheered along with her sentiment after she had addressed their friends and family, knowing she had perfectly encapsulated how they were feeling he didn't really need to say much. He'd finished his cupcake in record time and she could see that he was scanning the snack table for another treat when she tugged him along. As his arms snuck around her waist, she let out a giggle in response to his teasing tone. "Well, I'm trying to dance," she proclaimed, moving her hips in time to the music, even as her belly grew she still had the same moves from before she had gotten pregnant. Moves that she knew could hypnotize her fiancé. She was so in love with him as they swayed together in time to the music. Camila had never loved anyone more than she loved him. The love she felt for their baby was completely different and she was thankful for that, because there was no way she could ever love one over the other or more than the other. "Don't tempt me," she whispered, making eyes at him. When the song over the speakers changed, Camila turned in her fiancé's arms so she could lightly grind up against him. Two could play at this game. As his hands gripped her waist, she leaned her head back against his shoulder. They were once again in their own little world as their friends and family members danced and mingled with each other. "Just tell me when you're hungry, babe," she whispered into his ear as she continued to grind against the spot where his hard on would surely be.

KJ: It had been a playful statement, the kind he often said just to tease the heck out of her -- especially when they were surrounded by people. There was always a part of him that reveled in the fact that Camila could get aroused by the simple thought of doing something that was forbidden. Something dirty under such circumstances. Though it usually never went further than this, unless there was a way for them to disappear from view without looking suspicious. KJ wasn't certain today was the case, but the way she kept grinding against him didn't allow him much room to think this through. To think period. The grip on her waist tightened, applying more pressure on the growing erection she was toying with and his eyes fluttered shut for a brief second before he remembered exactly where they were. "You're going to pay for this." he whispered back, the tone of his voice firm and full of promises. He was going to make it happen one way or another, even if his own parents were aware of their situation. His thoughts were bold in the moment, but a little fluttering in the pit of his stomach made him look up quickly to make sure they were both busy. A sigh of relief flowing past his lips when he saw them along with her parents being entertained by Cole. Now that was bound to help their horny selves. "I'm heading inside first. Join me in five minutes." As nonchalantly as he could, KJ pulled away from his fiancée and made his way toward the main house -- humming along the song that was currently playing and tugging on the shirt he was wearing to hide his discomfort. Five minutes had never felt so long as he waited in the kitchen, the anticipation coursing through his being awakening a fire that was on the verge of burning bright. As soon as Camila crossed the threshold of the front door, he appeared in the hallway as rapidly as the Flash and dragged her by the arm inside; mouth crashing upon hers hungrily before he pushed her body flush against the door.

Cami: A chill ran down Camila's spine as KJ whispered in her ear about making her pay for the way she was grinding up against him. "Oh yeah?" she questioned, giggling as his grip on her waist tightened. Cole was currently entertaining their parents which the raven-haired girl was thankful for knowing exactly where her fiancé's mind was at in the current moment. At the next words out of KJ's mouth, Camila nodded her head, slowly stepping away from him to make her way over to the refreshment table. Grabbing a cup of water, she cupped her belly with her hand as she quenched her thirst. Looking around at their loved ones all enjoying themselves made her heart burst. All of these people gathering to celebrate their daughter who wasn't even born yet made her so incredibly happy. Their baby girl was already so loved before she'd even made her entrance. Smiling fondly at the thought, Camila realized time had passed and she was meant to meet KJ inside, her stomach filled with butterflies as she thought about her fiancé waiting for her in the house. Making her way over to the door that brought her into the kitchen. As she crossed the threshold she couldn't help but giggle as KJ appeared as rapidly as the Flash in-front of her, dragging her inside by her arm. Suddenly his mouth is crashing into hers with a hunger they both have in the current moment for each other and a quiet moan slips from her mouth into his. Usually in these situations she would have jumped up into his arms by now as he held her flush against the door, but that wasn't possible with her belly now. "We should go somewhere," she mumbled against his lips, knowing full well he couldn't just take her here in the kitchen. Their room was all the way upstairs but there was a few rooms downstairs plus a bathroom they could use. "We've got to get away from the windows, babe," she giggled, hands going to the hair at the nape of his neck as she tugged on it.

KJ: The giggle that flew past her lips and was swallowed by his mouth prompted him to emit the same sound. Acting like two teenagers who were so eager to partake in something they weren’t supposed to -- the thrill of the moment stimulating their senses and taking over. Camila had invaded his mind and every thought swirling around pertained to her. The warmth of her body pressed up against his own, the taste of her mouth driving him wild and the way she delighted him by her mere presence. The proof of such overwhelming effect currently straining in the confinement of his shorts. His hands had already found their way under the fabric of her dress, hiking up the material and palming her scrumptious ass. Which is why KJ groaned in protestation when his fiancée suggested moving their secretive rendezvous in another room. “Babe...” he trailed off in a breathy voice, reluctantly pulling away from her mouth but keeping his lips attached to her skin -- trailing them along her jaw and down the crook of her neck. “We’re good right here. Ain’t it so fucking exciting, aye? Knowing we could get caught.” His actual brain had stopped working minutes prior and there was only one part of his body in full control now; the kind that was reckless and driven by very precise needs. It was made clear when, despite the good point Camila had made regarding the large windows, his right hand ventured to the front of her lower body and boldly cupped her heat. Fingers poking through the panties she was wearing. “You’re gonna get it so good.” he murmured before biting down on the soft flesh he had been relentlessly lavishing with his tongue. One last attempt to convince her to give into his crazy plans. Though he knew quite well they would end up doing exactly as she wanted. No matter how good everything felt. The spell he was under would not fade away even if she were to drag his ass to the bathroom on the other side.

Cami: As his hands found their way under the fabric of her dress, palming at her ass, Camila couldn't help but let out a moan. KJ's protesting groan when she suggested moving their rendezvous to another room made her giggle against his lips. As he trailed off in a breathy voice, pulling away from her mouth, keeping his lips attached to her skin by trailing them along her jaw and down her neck, she let out another moan. "It definitely is exciting, but if one of our family members caught us, I'd surely melt into the ground," she whispered, throwing her head back as his right hand ventured to the front of her lower body, boldly cupping her heat. "Fuck, Kaje," she cried out, gasping as his fingers poked at her core through the panties she was wearing. "You're going to give it to me so good, aren't you?" she questioned, closing her eyes as his fingers continued to poke and prod at her flesh. He had bit down on the flesh he was lavishing with his tongue, which caused her to let out another moan. His name fell from her lips again as he continued to worship her body. After a few more minutes had passed, she worked up the strength to push herself off of the wall to try and move them somewhere else. "Bathroom, babe, come on," she whispered, grabbing his hand to quickly drag him towards it so they could continue the fun they had been having. Once they were in the bathroom, Camila reached down to pull her panties off and then she tried to hoist herself up onto the sink which she failed at due to her ever growing belly. KJ quickly helped her sit on the sink as she leaned back, spreading her legs to give him something to look at once he pushed her dress up or got under it. "Have your way with me, baby," she whimpered, knowing she was already wet from his teasing just a few minutes ago. Camila leaned herself up against the mirror, gripping the edge of the bathroom vanity.

KJ: The numerous sounds filling the kitchen and the simple fact that she hadn’t pushed him away — quite on the contrary, bucking her hips against his hand as he continued to tease her folds through her panties — was enough for KJ to think he had won this round. His trademark smirk painted itself on his features as he bit down harder on the flesh of her neck, eager to give into the sensations that were coursing through his being. Just as he was about to hoist her up and free himself from the painful state his erection was in, Camila pushed herself forward and thus prevented him from going any further. A flash of confusion crossed his face, but the question on the tip of his tongue was quickly answered when just like he had thought about earlier, she dragged him to the bathroom. There was a tinge of disappointment that rose the more distance was put between them and the kitchen, though his brown eyes settled on her ass while they walked — the hypnotizing sway of her hips redirecting his thoughts on the one thing that mattered the most. Her. One second he was lamenting about the thrilling adventure they had given up on, the other he was looking at his fiancée as if she was a goddess he wanted to worship without any restrain. “Fuck, Cami.” he grunted as he maneuvered her onto the sink, his hands pulling up her dress and exposing what he was craving the most. With her legs spread, the invitation was clear — it didn’t take him long to yank himself out of his shorts and show her just how much she had been affecting him ever since her little dance. “You’re damn right I’m gonna have my way with you.” There was no time to be wasted when anyone could come knocking on the door, which is why KJ gripped her thighs to keep her in place while he moved between her legs. Guiding his length past her neither lips in a firm stroke as a loud moan echoed in the space they were in. His motions were hard and fast as soon with only one goal in mind. Bringing them both to new heights.

Cami: With his hands pulling up her dress, exposing exactly what he had been craving, Camila let out a giggle. The sound quickly turned to a gasp as he quickly yanked himself out of his shorts to show her just how much she had been affecting him. "Fuck, Kaje," she whispered, letting out a moan as he gripped her thighs to keep her in place while he moved between her legs. She couldn't see him guiding his length past her neither lips due to her ever growing stomach, but she felt it and heard his loud reaction in her ear as she reacted the same way. Just as quickly as he had pushed himself into her he was moving hard and fast against her, bringing them both to new heights. Camila bucked her hips towards him, gripping his waist and keep him steady. "Holy shit, babe, you feel so good," she cried out, leaning back a bit to give herself some sort of relief in the moment. "You fill me up so good, always, baby," she whispered, the sound of their skin slapping together filling the air. The rush of getting off like this somewhat in public was causing her to be extra loud. She knew that if someone were to catch them she would be embarrassed, but she also couldn't help but react in this way. "Touch me, come on, find that spot," she whimpered, begging him to find her bundle of nerves to really get her where she wanted to be. Camila had been wet as soon as he'd poked at her core through her panties so by now she was a mess. She was almost certain she would fall apart fast in this situation. The heat of the moment and the circumstances would have her coming around his hard on in a matter of minutes. "Fuck," she called out, bucking her hips again as he continued to slam into her, harder and faster than before. "Holy shit, babe," she whispered in his ear, already feeling like she was close and he hadn't even put his hands on her yet. She knew that he was waiting, hoping to drag it out just a little bit longer.

KJ: There was no holding back as they both got lost in the sensations washing over them. Unabashedly loud while they shared their appreciation despite the fact that anyone could walk inside the house at any moment. Camila had turned off her brain as well it seemed, so focused on the way their joined bodies kept clashing in a well perfected dance they could never seem to get tired of. KJ watched her through hooded eyes, his thighs slamming against the surface of the furniture she was currently hoisted up on the more he increased the pace of his motions -- the slight pain inflicted adding to the pleasure that was building up in the pit of his stomach. “Fuck." he uttered between gritted teeth, willing himself to focus on his current actions rather than the overwhelming orgasm that was creeping up and threatening to overcome him. The blame could only be placed on the situation itself and the way they had teased each other previously. Rendering him so powerless and unable to do anything but give in the overwhelmingly tempting emotions coursing through him. Her plea was like a sweet melody that entranced him and it took a handful of seconds until the info reached his brain; a groan flowing past his lips just as his thumb grazed the bundle of nerves that was seeking his touch. "I'm gonna make you cum so hard." Leaning his forehead against hers, his brown eyes locked onto her own -- warm breath tumbling from his mouth and tickling her flesh. The look in his eyes was filled with a craving she never failed to elicit and finally taking pity on his fiancée, he found himself stimulating the sensitive bud that would push her toward the edge just as he once again picked up the pace of his movements. Eager to watch her fall apart around him like she had done so many times. A sight engraved in his mind.

Cami: At the sound of a groan dropping from KJ's lips, Camila's head rolled back as a gasp fell from her own. His thumb gently grazed the bundle of nerves that had been desperately seeking his touch and she let out a moan. "Fuck, babe," she whispered, biting down on her lip as he leaned his forehead against her own and told her he was going to make her cum so hard. "I'm looking forward to it," she breathed out, locking her eyes with his own and shivering slightly as his warm breath tickled her flesh. Camila could tell that he was craving her and it turned her on just as much as the sight of her turned him on. When he finally took pity on her and began to stimulate her sensitive bud, she couldn't help but cry out, leaning forward to wrap her mouth around his shoulder to quiet her noisy reactions. If anyone were to pass by this bathroom they would surely hear her. "Holy shit," she cried against his skin, trying to focus her breathing as she felt herself getting closer and closer to the edge. The fire that had been ignited inside of her moments ago was already completely aflame as he pounded himself inside of her and stimulated her very sensitive bundle of nerves. "I can't hold on much longer, fuck, I'm gonna—," she cried out, bucking her hips against his before she was spilling out around him. Leaning her forehead against his chest, Camila did her best to catch her breath, hoping he would follow after her. The raven-haired girl brought her fingers up to slip under his shirt and rake over his chest. "Come on, baby, be a good boy, cum for me," she whispered. Her fingers crept downward to his balls, giving them a gentle squeeze as she waited for him to fully come undone as well. She hadn't lasted too long and she knew that he was going to be quick to follow her. They had gotten really good at quickies in public, so it wouldn't be long until he was spilling out inside of her.

KJ: The shadow of a smirk settled on his lips as Camila found it impossible to hold herself back, the cry tumbling from her mouth and the way she quickly attempted to muffle it with his bare shoulder sending a surge of pride coursing through his being. KJ would have surely teased her about it under other circumstances, though his own pleasure was starting to unravel and his main goal in that moment was to cater to her needs -- his own taking a back seat for the time being. Eyes squeezed shut, he intently focused on his motions, relentlessly thrusting inside of her warmth in order to provide the push she needed. Reveling in the sensations that washed over him as her walls contracted around his length and the orgasm that submerged her soon after rending her speechless. Only then was he able to let go himself, a weight pulled off his shoulders while he maneuvered his hips faster against her lower body -- seeking that long awaited edge that seemed to be so close and yet out of reach. "Fuck, fuck." he loudly grunted in her ear, the attention her fingers bestowed upon him acting like a switch; the fire in the pit of his stomach invading him whole and taking over in a blink of an eye. The brunette came with her name on the tip of his tongue, the hips that had been frantically slamming against her own gradually coming to a stop. His body slumped against hers mere seconds later, heavy limbs finding comfort in the embrace they were currently in. With how careless they had been as soon as they had stepped in this bathroom, KJ wouldn't be surprised if someone had been the unfortunate witness of the sounds they had both emitted. But the thought of it brought more amusement than anything else. "Best gender reveal party ever, aye." he whispered once he felt like he was in control of his own body, pulling back to look into her beautiful dark brown eyes with a bright grin. At this rhythm, they would get to throw another next year.

#( para )

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casually-inlove · 5 years ago

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aah i agree im vry disappointed in this chapter ! like its good like usual, but its kind of a let down after the last 5 chapters... ht rly exposed himself minutes before, and comedy aside, MGS answered him by ignoring him, and then saying "were not friends, were not as close as you think we are". it must have been hurtful for HT, its basically a rejection of recognizing HT vulnerabilities. and its totally In character for MGS to say this, so im not disappointed by it 1/?

i mean HT lay his heart down for Mo to see and theyve known each other for 15 DAYS, its too soon for anybody and especially for Mo who have mistrust problems to respond in the same way ? so running away and deflecting the declaration is cool, i wasnt excepting a "ill never abandon u!!" lol. but then HT being cool with this rejection and having a slapstick comedy just after doesnt feel right. mb show HT swallowing and being disheartened, and then put his usual facade and only then have comedy 2/?

would have been good, bc we would have known "oh ht is actually hurt by MGS reaction but doesnt know how to say it, so he plays it cool and change the subject bc hes still not at ease with being vulnerable". a realistic situation would have been "ht tried to be vulnerable but it was too soon, too much for mo who rejected him, so it confirmed ht biased thinking that showing vulnerabilities is bad and it will prevent ht to be vulnerable in front of someone in the near future". 3/?

i mean it could have been a nice although sad conclusion for this mini-arc, especially since ht have been grieving (?) his mother just this morning. a little step back, and then smth else happen and cause ht to crack completely but then mo is able to respond present and its a step forward. ok im daydreaming but that would have been climatic lol. instead this..ah i dont know i feel cheated, i know its ox' work but still haha ! like when they do an abrupt change of scene after an emotional page 4/

its a trick ox use often and after 300 chapters it feels old n cheap. when u engage in a emotional scene, u cant just do "oops i change my mind!!" and put slapstick comedy or ignore totally what just happened and dont have a progression. u have to stay on this road : u cant put traumatizing backgrounds and mafia affairs and mature problems (kidnapping, mother being threatening into prostitution,etc) n just.. not stick with it and making ur characters not traumatized by it and just 'lol comedy'.

sry im kind of monopolizing ur askbox lol, i guess im kind of frustrated ! it just the last chapters were so good and it was a while since ox use this cheap trick of not going through an emotional scene that i kind of forgot how terrible they were at handling transition between drama and comedy. theyre a good artist all in all (or i wouldnt be this disappointed!!), but they have this failing in their writing an it drives me nuts each time lmao. haa i hope next chapter will be better...5/5

Hell yeah, DEFINITELY, that sums up my thoughts. Also, you don't have to apologize, it was an interesting read and I can tell that you feel strongly about it. While I can’t say that I’m flat-out disappointed, as I wrote in my original post, I’m definitely feeling lukewarm and indifferent about the recent ch.

OX touched upon a few serious matters a couple of chapters before: namely She Li’s fucked up goading and the way it unsettled He Tian -- unsettled in no joking manner as follows from his reaction. Then we get He Tian swearing to beat up anyone who dares bully Mo, and the whole profound monologue from the previous chapter. Just as you say, He Tian truly laid himself bare there. One could argue that He Tian listed the reasons he was enamoured with Mo, or one could argue that he subtly commented on the milieu he grew up in, or one can even read it as He Tian admitting/reflecting on his flaws out loud. There are many ways to construe this scene, each of them is extremely meaningful. Not to mention it took HT visible effort to say these things out loud.

The problem which both you and I noticed is that OX left this mini-arc/mini-subplot unresolved. Instead, they abruptly switched to comedic relief. Much like you, I wasn’t expecting a big reaction from Mo -- no grand verbal declarations at very least. What I expected was a panel (maybe a close up of Mo’s face as I mentioned in my original post) that indicated he actually HEARD what HT told him, that it gave Mo some food for thought.

As you mention, Mo getting disconcerted and doing the tsun-tsun escape is fairly in character for him. Still, a panel like this would have been very welcome to emphasize his confusion and to justify him not gracing the other boy with an answer, ignoring HT showing his underbelly (which is something that doesn't come easy for him, as we readers know). Okay, sure, OX handled it differently this chapter -- we get Mo silently running away and blurting out the first comeback he could think of. No problem. It works to show that HT’s words had an effect on him, albeit it’s much less pronounced, than, say, the Aquarium scene -- again one would have to wonder why: HT’s “don’t abandon me” is just as strong, if not stronger, than “I’m afraid you’ll forget me”, so it follows that Mo should have been just as affected.

The problem is the way an emotionally charged moment quickly fizzled out into comedy. As you said, Mo blurting out “we are not friends, we are not familiar enough, so I don’t care what you think (of me)!” SHOULD have hit HT harder. Just minutes before we had HT being genuinely disturbed by the idea of someone looking to intentionally hurt Mo, seeking physical comfort, being disquieted by the idea of getting abandoned and losing someone he likes, confessing that he admires the other boy -- yet when Mo utters yet another curt rejection of sorts, we are not shown HT’s reaction, which, logically, should have been there.

And all of that emotional build-up is cheapened by an accidental dick slap comedy.

Indeed, showing HT being hurt (disquieted? deflated?) and then putting on a cool guy mask, and ONLY then switching to a slapstick humour would have been more appropriate. It wouldn’t have taken a big or an overly dramatic scene either -- just, IDK, show HT’s eyes widening, or his throat clicking, or his posture slumping, anything to indicate that Mo’s words affected him -- that the whole thing mattered to him. Otherwise, it leaves a bad taste in one’s mouth: “so Imma confess to the person I like and swear to protect them and beg them to put up with me -- oh! forget anything serious that I said, Imma touch some dick now”. While I don't have an issue with comedy coming into focus again, I do wish it hadn't been this abrupt. Had there been a better transition between these scenes, there wouldn't be this "lol jk" vibe that I’m getting.

So yeah, I, too, feel a little cheated. OX certainly has an issue with drama-comedy transitions, which are sort of hit-and-miss for me. Sometimes they work well to alleviate the grave mood, other times they appear to be out of place. The recent chapter is the latter case. Dangling a possibility of climatic resolution for the subplot and then intentionally subverting it just doesn’t work in favour of the plot here. It cheapened the emotional part and made the comedy feel much less fun for me. Of course, no one says that writing is an easy task. Plenty of mangakas, for instance, work with writers to strengthen their script and plots, so it’s challenging when a single person is responsible for both drawing and planning the story. OX is undoubtedly doing a tremendous job. Still, I wish they wouldn’t stick to using the old trick this monastically because it's becoming a trite writing device and works against them on occasion. It’s totally fine to keep the comic light-hearted yet it’s not good to ignore the needed dramatic development.

#19 days #long post #anonymous #ask #q&a time

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greenapricot · 5 years ago

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2019 fic year in review

Total number of completed stories: 18

Total word count: 53536

Fandoms written in: Lewis (15), Endeavour (2), Inspector Morse (1), Shetland (1), Victoria (1). (Those numbers don’t add up bc there’s a fic that is Lewis, Endeavour, and Inspector Morse all at once.)

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? More. I challenged myself to post a fic a month for 2019, so I had hoped to write 12 but hadn’t fully expected that I would. I’m very pleased with myself for having met that goal (even if I didn’t technically meet it bc I didn’t post fic in September, but I’m going to call 18 fics a win anyway).

What’s your own favorite story of the year? I’ve answered other fic memes during the year about my favorite and though I’ve written more fics since then I still think my favorite is A Man About to Fly (Lewis, James/Robbie, gen). It’s just got the most perfect atmosphere of delicate longing that feels so right to me in a way I can’t quite describe. I also think it’s the fic of mine that I’ve reread the most this year.

Did you take any writing risks this year? I would call it a risk, more of a stretch or a challenge to myself, but I wrote in two new fandoms, Shetland (No Holiday, Jimmy/Duncan, mature) and Victoria (Delayed Gratification, Palmerstons, mature). I hadn’t planned to write for either fandom but the ideas for those two stories just grabbed me and then I needed them to exist and so had no choice but to write them.

Also, writing Morris Dancers (Lewis, James/Robbie, teen) in @bryndeavour‘s Night Vale AU universe was a fun challenge with the radio format, getting the Night Vale tone right, and making it fit with the fic she’d already written.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? Now that I’ve proven to myself that I can write a lot of things in one year I want to write something long again. I have two casefics I’ve been poking at off and on for a while now. One in my Lewis wingfic universe and one that follows on from my other Lewis post-s9 fics. I think the wingfic one will end up happening first, even though I’ve had the idea for the other one for something like three years, mostly just because I’ve been having a lot of fun brainstorming casefic and wingfic universe ideas with @bryndeavour.

I also have two more parts to my Shetland fic planned and a couple of WIPs I’d like to finish. And, I just started three new prompt fics (one in a fandom I haven’t written in before). I’d like to finish and post them in the next week or so just to prove I can still write short quick things and also hopefully write something for the other prompts I got.

Most popular story of the year? By kudos, Misuse of Police Resources (Lewis, James/Robbie, explicit); by comments, Over the Edge (Lewis, James/Robbie, mature). Though Over the Edge will surpass Misuse in kudos at some point because it’s much more recent and has almost as many kudos.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Delayed Gratification (Victoria, Lady Palmerston/Lord Palmerston) and No Holiday (Shetland, Jimmy/Duncan). This is no surprise at all though because Delayed Gratification is an obscure pairing in a not terribly large fandom and Shetland fandom is very tiny. So they have the least kudos but I think they have been properly appreciated in the small spaces in which they exist. I think I would also add Overture (Lewis, James/Robbie/Laura, explicit) to this list, but again, it being explicit threesome fic I’m not super surprised it doesn’t have a ton of comments or kudos bc not everyone is into that.

Most fun story to write: Winter Wonderland (Lewis, James/Robbie, explicit) and Misuse of Police Resources (Lewis, James/Robbie, explicit). Both of these grew from convos in discord chat and I think that’s part of where the fun in writing came from, snickering to my self about how people were likely to react to certain lines and feeling very clever with my use of cliches.

Most unintentionally telling story: Evening the Odds (Lewis, James/Robbie, gen). My husband is older than me (though not as much of an age difference as Robbie and James) and I do have thoughts similar to James’ in this fic from time to time.

Biggest disappointment: Not posting a fic in September. Which I know is ridiculous bc I posted so much fic but I still think about it and am annoyed with myself.

Biggest surprise: That I met and exceeded my fic a month goal and that I wrote in new fandoms. I must say I’m pretty damn proud of myself for having written so much.

I’m not doing the tagging thing bc I’m just not but if you wrote things in 2019 and haven’t done one of these I think you should. :)

Full list of everything I wrote in 2019 in chronological order blow.

More than all the rest of the world - Lewis (TV) (235 words) James/Robbie - teen - Fluff, Established Relationship “I love you,” James says, pressing a kiss to Robbie’s navel.

Takes one to know one - Lewis (TV) (570 words) James/Robbie - general audiences - Established Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending It was a stupid fight, it’s never anything but a stupid fight; the job getting to them and them taking it out on each other. Or the job getting to James and James taking it out on Robbie.

Now at the end of the day - Endeavour (TV) (389 words) Max/Morse - general audiences - Love Confessions When Morse walks into the morgue, Max is at the worktop under the windows performing his usual tidying up rituals.

His only remaining vice - Lewis (TV) (311 words) James/Robbie - general audiences - Established Relationship It is a Saturday, they don’t have a case and are down at the bottom of the rota; the day is miraculously their own. Yet they have ventured out into the bitter cold all same because James needs coffee and what they’ve got in the flat won’t do.

A Man About To Fly - Lewis (TV) (2524 words) James/Robbie - general audiences - Episode: s07e05-06 Intelligent Design parts 1-2, Angst with a hopeful ending James looks away from Lewis’ smile and takes another sip of his pint, but it’s not Lewis now, it’s Robbie. Robbie’s smile. To say the name aloud, to have Robbie smile at him like that when he does, is a gift. A gift James has received just in time for it to no longer be useful.

Evening the Odds - Lewis (TV) (605 words) James/Robbie - general audiences - Established Relationship, Angst, Discussion of Mortality James is beautiful, a silhouette in the dark, light from the street lamp catching his hair in an almost halo and turning the smoke bright as it drifts above the garden wall; but the beauty of the moment doesn’t outweigh Robbie’s hope that the next time James tries to give up smoking it will stick.

Misuse of Police Resources - Lewis (TV) (4275 words) James/Robbie, Laura Hobson - explicit - Light Bondage, Masturbation He should have gone with rope, then he’d be able to untie himself, but he couldn’t quite maintain the fantasy of Lewis tying him up in intricate knots, except for how he’s always doing it unintentionally. James thumps his head back against the mattress in defeat. He’s not getting out of this on his own, he’s going to have to ring someone, and there are very few someones in his life.

Delayed Gratification - Victoria (TV) (1723 words) Lord Palmerston/Lady Palmerston - mature - Missing Scene, Episode 3x05 A Show of Unity Emily steps back, breaking the kiss, and Henry leans toward her making a low hum of protest. She takes his hand and leads him to her dressing room; their dressing room now that he has returned, as is their tradition. When they are together here in the castle away from parliamentary time pressure, they dress and undress each other.

Enkindled Spring - Lewis (TV) (4170 words) James/Robbie - teen - Established Relationship, Magical Realism, Wingfic, Alternate Universe, Fluff A large bird with a tail similar to a swallow is soaring overhead, James’ gaze hasn’t left it since he finished his sandwich. I wonder if he’s remembering how it feels to soar through the air, the sun warming his back and wings. It’s a sight I’d very much like to see.

Morris Dancers - Dreaming Spires Radio - Lewis (TV) (2872 words) James/Robbie - teen - Nightvale AU, Alternate Universe, Supernatural Elements Trees are in full bloom all across our fair city, filling the streets with the scent of their perfume and the edges of our peripheral vision with those familiar swirling shadows that can’t quite be seen no matter how fast you turn your head. Do not fear the shadows, they mean you no harm. Unless you have personally offended their families. This is Dreaming Spires Radio and I am, as always, your host, James Hathaway.

Overture - Lewis (TV) (5947 words) James/Laura/Robbie - explicit - Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Threesome The way they keep looking at him and at each other is enough to make a bloke think things that can’t possibly be true. If pressed Robbie would have to admit that the thought has crossed his mind; him and Laura, him and James, the three of them together, but it’s only ever been a thought, wank fodder, never a real possibility.

Aftermath - Lewis (TV) (1407 words) James/Robbie - teen - Angst with a Happy Ending, Love Confessions Robbie wakes to a steady beeping in a bed that’s not his own. He feels like he’s been hit by a lorry. Wait. He was. Or near enough, if it weren’t for James. James.

A storm that blackens the quiet sea - Lewis (TV) (727 words) James/Robbie - teen - Established Relationship, case-related angst James takes a long drag and leans against the wall, turning his face to the grey winter sky. It will be dark soon, they’ve been in court all day, yet it’s come to nothing. Less than nothing. He can’t keep letting cases get to him like this.

Even the weeds are green and flowering - Lewis (TV), Inspector Morse (TV), Endeavour (TV)) (2057 words) James/Robbie, Max/Morse - general audiences - Gardens & Gardening, Fluff, Established Relationship, Reminiscence Watching James at his careful work—snipping off a branch or two, stepping back to consider the bush as a whole, snipping another branch—brings to mind another garden, much better kept than Robbie’s poor neglected allotment. A garden with roses that weren’t altogether dissimilar to these.

No Holiday - Shetland (TV) (1539 words) Jimmy/Duncan - mature - Extended Scene, Episode: s05e05, Angst Duncan raises the bottle to Jimmy’s retreating back, looks up at the Merrie Dancers, and takes a hearty swig. There’s not quite enough whisky left to completely dull the echo of Jimmy’s words in his head, but he’ll give it a go.

In the forests of the night Lewis (TV) (6846 words) James/Robbie - teen - Magical Realism, Alternate Universe, Shapeshifters, Love Confessions “I’m fine, lad. You’re the one who’s in danger.” “From what?” James swings his arms out wide to encompass the empty moor in all directions. “We’re trained police officers and there’s no one else here.” “From me,” Robbie says. Whether or not there are other dangers out on the moor, the danger Robbie poses is worse. If James doesn’t get going soon there’s nothing Robbie’s going to be able to do to protect him.

Over the Edge - Lewis (TV) (11809 words) James/Robbie - mature - Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sharing a Bed, First Kiss Ignoring it then. James can do that. He can sit here while Lewis helps him on with the sling and not lean into his touch. He can get into bed once the sling is fastened and close his eyes and pretend the reason he’s breathing a bit heavier than normal is down to exhaustion and pain. It’s not untrue, even if it’s not the whole truth. He can accept the water and painkillers Lewis brings him, and not read anything into it when Lewis smooths the duvet over his chest and tells him to get some sleep. He can do that. He can close his eyes even though it’s not even properly dark yet and not think about the pain in his shoulder or the pain in his head or the pain of longing for Lewis to touch him and mean it. He can try to sleep.

Winter Wonderland - Lewis (TV)) (5530 words) James/Robbie - explicit - Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Romantic Cliches, Oral Sex, Fingerfucking, Only One Bed, but they never make it to the bed The radio has been going on about the unprecedented snowfall for the past two very slow hours of driving; two hours which would have been one without the snow. Astounding snowfall rates, the announcer keeps saying. What’s astounding is that they’ve made it here at all with how bad the roads are. What’s astounding is that Robbie has invited James on holiday. Not Laura, or Lyn, or anyone else, but James who he ought to have had enough of all day every day at work.

#inspector lewis #itv endeavour #bbc shetland #itv victoria #james hathaway #itv lewis #robbie lewis #endeavour morse #max debryn #laura hobson #jimmy perez #duncan hunter #lord palmerston #lady palmerston #lewis fic #my fic #fic year in review #that is a lot of fic and i'd actually kind of forgotten about some of the ones from the beginning of the year #long post

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beanarie · 5 years ago

Note

⭐star⭐⭐star⭐⭐star⭐⭐star⭐⭐star⭐ (or talk more about and/all of your Elementary WIPs/ideas bc I want every single drop I can get)

so i totally wrote about joan having breast cancer a couple years ago. here’s the bits i cobbled together, some of which also disappeared from my phone, which tells me i need to back my shit up more often!

The call comes while her stitches from her lumpectomy and lymph node removal are still in place and hurting like a mother and she's only too aware of Sherlock, his terror an acrid smell in her nose. She's told it's not what they hoped, but it's not hopeless, and she barely pauses at all before she looks at Sherlock, smiles, and says, "It's fine."

He's so grateful he takes her out for lunch. They go to a cafe with an outdoor area that he knows she's been eyeing for months. She orders a giant salad with extra pecans and he wrinkles his nose before telling a story about Thomas Jefferson's penchant for giving pecans as gifts.

[the truth comes out in a week or so!]

"We should talk about this."

He closes the file in his hand and tosses it on the stack.

"I-I'm sorry I kept you in the dark. I needed to get the full results and figure out what to do next, without... I don't know. Background noise."

"It's not that serious. People with results like mine have a ninety-three percent chance of remaining cancer-free after treatment. Really, it's barely cancer."

"I mean, yes. Several weeks of radiation, sprinkled with tests and maybe a PET scan or two. Still, not particularly life-derailing. I'm going to work. The only real change will be to my availability. And I won't be able to leave the city, except maybe on the weekends. Overall, we'll simply get more use out of face-time than we did before."

A series of short, shallow nods urges her to let the other shoe drop.

Joan adjusts her gaze to slightly beyond his left ear. "I've asked Lin to help me find a place to sublet for the next two months."

His only reaction is the barely perceptible droop of his shoulders.

"I'm not leaving you." The first time she meant to leave the brownstone, he abducted a contract killer, then tortured and stabbed him. The second time, he went back to London for almost a year with no notice beyond a short Dear Joan letter. She can't handle one of his signature extreme overreactions. "Sherlock, it's really important you absorb that, if nothing else."

"But you do plan on leaving."

"It's the least disruptive option for both of us. And it's only temporary."

[the next day, joan gets home and in the library there's a stack of books, dvds, and cd's on wellness-type things and other stuff, like a giant fluffy orange blanket on the couch. sherlock explains he did some research, orange is a calming color. also OK HE RESPECTS HER CHOICES but. she's not a disruption, she's family. also also moving is one of the most stress-inducing acts a person can put themselves through and it wouldn't be good for her recovery to do that twice in as many months. anyway, she stays.]

"We should formulate a safety plan."

Joan finishes the line she was working on and clicks save so she doesn't have to end up doing this report all over again. This has his second sponsor written all over it. Rashida, having completed her PHD, has been taking classes in behavioral science possibly with an eye for a new specialty. She means well, and she and Sherlock get each other like a pair of esoteric intellectuals only could. It's still strange to get confirmation that he talks about her illness with other people. "A safety plan."

"Yes! A short, memorable list of agreed upon actions in the case of emergent medical and/or emotional, um, turmoil."

"We never had a safety plan for you."

"Didn't we?"

"Fine, so you'll let me pass out wherever I drop and just leave a protein bar by my head so I don't die of hypoglycemic shock when I wake up two days later."

"That's all you did?"

"So I'll let you know if I'm not feeling well and up to whatever's going on." His expression is unreadable, which is rare. "What? You implied pretty heavily that you wanted me to."

Incomprehensibly, his expression becomes almost sad. "That's why you remain so closed off, because of my history of resistance to..."

"Okay, this conversation swerved past making sense. I tell you things all the time. This morning, with your cereal?"

"When *truly* bothered, you keep it to yourself and speak to no one, unless I draw it out of you."

"I speak up when I have something to say. And, I will."

"Have you considered cutting your hair?"

"I'm not getting chemo, Mom. I told you."

"I know. It's just so much to take care of. My cousin Darlene, she had radiation. It drained her. You'll be tired."

"You've always wanted me to cut my hair."

Her expression grows softer, more wistful. "I do like it shorter."

"I remember." Ruefully her entire catalogue of school photos scrolls through her memory. Mom's rule had been adamant and easy to follow: Never past the chin. "I'm not doing that again."

"Okay. Your choice."

Joan doesn't rise to the hint of passive-aggression.

A few hours later, she gets home from treatment, she takes a shower, and she tries to see tonight playing out in a possible near future. She adds imaginary weights to her wrists and ankles, and the almost unbearable weariness after watching a murderer get to go home scot-free.

"Fine," she tells her reflection.

She puts her mom on FaceTime, so she can see the results.

Her mom squints. "You didn't cut that much."

"Four inches." Just enough so she doesn't have to strain to get the brush through while she's blow drying.

“Hm.“

“Anyway, I’ll see you Thursday for tea, Mom?“

Lord save her from aspiring criminals who think they're too cool for the interrogation room. Anthony Raymond has been stonewalling them since Bell brought him in. What makes this especially annoying is he won't even ask for a lawyer. They'd tell him to spill his guts, or at least start negotiations for a deal. This nothingness isn't ideal when she has to take off for treatment soon. If she doesn't get this nut cracked before she goes, it'll be hanging over her head for the rest of the afternoon.

The door opens. Anthony doesn't move a muscle. Gregson enters bearing an extra-large fountain drink, a pen, and a piece of paper. He sits, thoughtfully configuring these objects around his immediate space. It takes a full thirty seconds, during which he doesn't acknowledge Anthony at all. He slides the paper toward Joan.

'Paige made you a smoothie. Not sure what's in this, but she swears by it.'

Joan glances at Anthony as though she learned something important, then looks back at the note. "Hm." She takes the pen. 'I'm good. Thank you both.'

'Holmes said you haven't really eaten yet.' He pushes the drink about an inch in her direction.

Joan makes two straight lines, one each for 'I'm' and 'Good'.

[perp eventually cracks because their note-passing is freaking him out]

[slightly later, joan brings the smoothie into gregson's office. he asks what she thought of it. she says "i didn't try it" and throws it in the garbage.]

It's Saturday, the end of her first week of treatment, and there aren't any murders. Joan texts the guy she liked from TrueRomantix, the one who came to check that she was safe when Everyone doxxed her and hacked her profile. He's still cute. She can't remember exactly why they didn't sleep together the last time, something about it not feeling right. Meanwhile he fosters seeing-eye dogs and he has the best pectorals she's ever seen.

She takes off her bra, but leaves the camisole. It's dark in his bedroom, but not too dark for either of them to see her scars or the semi-circle constellation of radiation tattoos. At one point she guides his hand underneath to her right breast. When he goes for the left, she distracts with a move that almost has his eyes bugging out of his head.

"Wow," he breathes.

When they're done, he doesn't push her to leave *or* ask her why she isn't staying. They'll be doing this again sometime.

[another patient in the waiting room at the radiation clinic starts having a medical emergency. joan immediately jumps forward to help and the patient's mom looks at her like who the fuck are you. it sticks with her the whole rest of the afternoon.]

She's been in a position where people have doubted her expertise before, many times. But never because she was meant to be on the other side. She's a patient, that's her role now.

Briefly she considers lying. The Uber app is acting weird, something like that. She settles on a simple, 'Are you busy?'

She gets her reply in less than thirty seconds. 'Need a ride?'

When Marcus arrives at the clinic, he touches her arm and kisses her cheek, a note of intimacy between close friends. It feels natural, even though his customary greeting, usually at crime scenes or the bull pen, is a brusquely friendly "Hey." They communicate mainly in nods and smiles intended only for each other, cups of coffee as close to the way they like it as limited resources will allow.

After they settle into the car, he doesn't turn the engine on right away. He waits, unobtrusively.

"I don't want to disrupt any plans you might've had for today," she says.

He lifts one shoulder. "Just a pickup game. Nothing I can't put off for another week."

"Actually..."

He turns his head. "Hm?"

She was warned not to expect anything fancy. No bleachers, not much crowd. Kids of varying ages drift by, many popping in and out of the tiny storefronts.

She can't remember the last time she simply existed in public when she wasn't jogging or staking out a criminal. The open air feels refreshing. Not one of these people care that she used to be a doctor.

After the first quarter, she asks to borrow the chair of a guy selling hats, scarves, and phone chargers from a folding table. He was spending most of his time at the halal cart talking to the man stuck inside anyway.

The chair is comfortable. The lighting tasteful. Joan's shoes feel fine. The mid-level exec at the other end of the table isn't stonewalling in the slightest. His voice could almost be called soothing.

All those other things aside, if this meeting doesn't end in the next few minutes she is going to jump out the window.

Her knee bouncing, she shifts her upper body in a way that's hopefully not that visible to anyone else. It doesn't help, in fact the resulting movement of her bra over her left boob makes her want to scream.

"We appreciate your elucidation on Mr. Wallach's movements last Tuesday." Joan nearly bites her lip at the growing light at the end of the tunnel. "Now if you could tell us about the lawsuit from three months ago. Sexual harassment, was it not?"

Joan gets to her feet with a repressed groan. Then she runs for the receptionist. "Restroom?"

She's just stepped inside the single stall and slid the lock into place when she hears the deathly urgent, "WATSON???"

She curses fluently inside her head and undoes the lock, just in case. "Sherlock! I'm o-"

And he's barreled through the open door.

"What the hell!" She pulls together the unbuttoned half of her shirt.

"I thought-" Over Sherlock's shoulder, a security guard starts coming into view. "What-what are you doing?"

"Sorry." Her face will probably remain this garish shade of red for...ever. "I'm, uh, peeling. Itch is driving me crazy."

He blinks, adrenaline making him shake slightly and keeping him from comprehending. "What?!"

"The only emergency right now is my imminent death by mortification." Her left hand tightly curled to protect her modesty, she makes a shooing motion with her right. "Go away."

He turns toward the door, then stops. "I've done the reading. If you have developed a rash, or the beginnings of dermatitis, scratching is highly inad-"

"OUT."

Lin greets her at the bar in her signature neurotically enthusiastic way. After tilting her head a little, she agrees to sit at a booth rather than stay near the bartender, where she loves to try out her charms to get free drinks for the two of them.

"I've never seen you go hard like this." She's waiting on the server to bring her second martini and Joan's third whiskey. "You look tired."

Joan waits until after the drinks have arrived. "Thanks, I had cancer."

"What?"

"Had," she repeats. "Had. As of yesterday, it's past tense. When I'm done with this course of radiation, I'll be free." She knocks on the table. "Until the follow-ups."

Lin gets up to go to the bathroom without a word. Joan downs her drink and orders another round. To Lin's credit, she beats the server back to the table.

"So those times you said you couldn't meet up because you had cases..."

"One, oncologist appointment and two, actually a case. Sorry."

"You told your brother, didn't you?"

Because Joan is three drinks in, she doesn't hold anything back from her eyeroll. Her siblings having no relationship with each other is not on her. "That's different."

"Because he's real."

"Because he lives two hundred miles away! I didn't have to see...that. That expression, in my face, all the time."

"You could've died and I would never have known you were sick."

Joan snorts. "I was never *dying*." There was that period between her biopsy and the results of her lumpectomy, when decades-old memories of various patients, poor souls fading in front of her eyes, resurfaced every hour. Lin didn't need to be there for that.

"Look." Joan kisses Lin noisily on the cheek. "I just got the best news of my life and I wanted MY SISTER here with to celebrate being Officially. Cancer. Free!"

A table of young men nearby let out a cheer. Lin smiles in spite of herself.

Joan wakes up naturally.

She spends a few minutes watching him. Many people say they'll sleep anywhere, but Sherlock actually will. And he never shows a single sign of stiffness or back pain. She envies him that, even as she acknowledges that she'd still prefer a bed, even if there were no consequences to sleeping on the floor.

"Is this just the first time I caught you?" Her voice is husky from sleep.

He springs to his feet. "Oh!" He runs off, returning no more than six minutes later with breakfast.

After placing the tray on the bed, he stands at her side, stiff and silent like a brooding Lurch. "What, no speech?" she teases.

He takes in a shaky breath. "It has been quite some time since I lost the ability to imagine a life without you in it. Gratitude isn't sufficient enough to describe how it feels to know this is a concern I can put off for another day."

"Oh, Sherlock."

"These past few weeks have been fraught, for you." She gives a start. This has taken an unexpected turn. "Full of pain and fear, the reopening of old wounds. You've conducted yourself so admirably. My respect for you, which had appeared to reach its zenith years ago, I find had untold heights yet to climb." He leans toward her, his hand cradling the back of her head while his lips press against her hairline.

He disengages, turning his back and she makes a tentative grab for his hand. He freezes in place, not resisting. "I love you, too," she says thickly, shoving aside tears.

Joan doesn't remember having done anything remotely admirable. She's been tired and snappish, she forced everyone to cater to her, she stopped doing her fair share of the work. The one person she tried to help didn't need her. It's been weeks since she felt like she existed for any worthwhile reason.

Maybe that's why it's good to see herself through his eyes, just this once. She squeezes his hand, then quickly lets go, taking pity on him. Plucking the cloth napkin from the tray and pressing it against her eyes, she laughs. "So this was your plan for my last day? Get my face all blotchy just in time to go in there and say goodbye to all those people?"

"What does it matter? You'll never see them again.

#elementary #elementary fic #it's a rough wip be warned!#my writing #things by beanarie #amindamazed #replies

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