#angsty ben hardy

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

I found it! The Ben hardy anastasia fic. I read all of it until 2am last night. Anastasia is my fave animation movie of all time and combined it with ben hardy was my fave fic in awhile! I wish youd write more!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh. I wish we got to see more dialogue after but it was so brilliant and angsty and beautiful. I did start rereading fics Bcs of the movie ben hardy was in and it did awaken something in me in a long time hahahah. Thank you for being such a brilliant writer ❤️❤️❤️ I know you’re not into him anymore but just know u will have one reader here. ✨

Awwwwww, I'm thrilled that you liked it!!! 😍 I think of We Were Something, Don't You Think So? as somewhat of a lost fic because the Ben Hardy fandom had mostly moved on by that point, and I got super depressed/discouraged in the middle of the story and almost never finished it. (I actually only wrote the finale when I did because I got obsessed with HOTD and knew I'd be writing an Aemond fic, and wanted to tie up any loose ends before diving into a new series. 😂) So whenever someone stumbles across WWSDYTS and enjoys it, it just makes me so happy. 🥰 Thank you for reading!!! 💜

[megalony]

Hi! It's been a while :)) I'm not sure if you're still writing for murderer Ben Hardy, but I would like to ask if there's a part 2 for Answer Me? 🥹

You're writings are sooo good, I always come back here every time I crave the angst. Stay safe & stay amazing! <3

Hello, I haven't written for Ben in a while but I'm in such an angsty Ben mood lately I'm desperate to write for him again especial;y murderer Ben because I love those imagines.

I don't know about a second part for Answer Me but I'll consider it. Although if you have any murderer Ben ideas I'd love some inspiration.

I'm thrilled you come back to my stories that makes me so happy

XXXXXXXXXXXX

[anxiouslymalicious]

Until you keep your promises.

Pairing: Ben Hardy x fem!Reader

Summary: A continuation of Until the sun sets in which promises are broken.

Word Count: 2,655

Warnings: I think I mentioned a panic attack once, other than that there are mentions of alcohol and cussing

A/N: Oh god, please don’t hate me for what I did just here. A huge thanks goes out to @mamaskillerqueen who cheered me up when I wasn’t feeling to good about myself and my writing. Thank you so much once more, love! I hope you like it!!

“You won’t regret it, I promise.”, Ben told you as you said your goodbyes. He had brought you back home as to make sure that you were safe. At least that’s what he told you. You knew that he was secretly excited to spend time with you again. His hand more or less accidentally brushed against yours every now and then as you two were walking and you felt your cheeks growing hot whenever it did. It felt like the first few dates all over again.

Your first dates with Ben had been awkward.

Neither of you knew how far to take your conversations and actions, both of you too scared to take a chance. Both of you came out of long-term relationships and had forgotten all about how to behave and what to do during those first few meetings. That was, until you were invited to a party and asked Ben to join you. Both of you ended up rather drunk and decided to just go for the first kiss. From that moment, it didn’t take long for him to ask you to be his girlfriend. About a year later, as your landlord was raising the rent once more, Ben had asked you to move in. And ever since moving in with him, you two had been an invincible team, the picture-perfect power couple, you were each other’s missing puzzle piece.

Key word being ‘were’. As in past. As in not anymore.

Ben kissed your cheek softly, smiling at you once more with that very special smile that was only meant for you, and pulled you out of your thoughts. You felt the heat rising in your cheeks once more, your right hand slowly moving up to where Ben kissed you as you watched him go. Every so often, he turned around to look at you once more, until he had to go around the corner and you were no longer in his sight.

Leaving you there was painful for Ben. He would have loved to just go upstairs with you, hold you and cry with you until everything was alright again, but he had something else in mind. Something he wanted to surprise you with. Because he felt like you deserved someone better than him, someone who wouldn’t hurt you like he did, someone who treated you better, but he was too selfish to let you go like that.

To Ben, it felt almost as though fate was giving him a new shot at your relationship and he wasn’t going to blow it. He wanted to do everything in his powers to prove that he was worthy of your love.

What Ben did not know was that you wanted nothing more than spend some time alone with him, maybe in the park where you two had taken Frankie on your first date and talk. You didn’t trust your mind to work properly if you ended up cuddling in your flat, but you wanted to talk about it all. Despite not wanting to feel this way, you couldn’t help but feel wary about him and his feelings.

You were gnawing on your bottom lip as you took the stairs, the lift being too full to use, and felt dead as you arrived in front of Helen’s flat. You had used her second keys ever since moving in with her, but both of you knew that sharing her bed wasn’t an option for a longer period of time.

You had been trying to look for a new flat, but it just felt wrong. Wrong because you still felt like you had a home with Ben. Wrong because it felt as though you were eliminating the possibility of moving back in with Ben if you even so much as inspected a flat. Wrong because you knew that you couldn’t make that new flat a home on your own.

Over the next hour or two, you took a shower and laid out some nice clothes for later that day, then made yourself a sandwich for lunch and prepared one for Helen in advance as you knew that she was to come home any second. It had become a part of your daily routine.

With every minute passing, you grew more excited. Excited because what was about to come. Excited to see what Ben had planned. Excited to see Ben again.

It was crazy how much he had made you feel during those minutes that you had spent together in the café compared to how little you felt every day since parting ways. Obviously, it was not easy to leave someone behind like that, to walk away from a long relationship, but the break up had hit you harder than any other before. You were sure that Ben was your soulmate.

As the minutes passed by, the whole situation seemed started feeling real. All of this, facing Ben, talking to him, making plans with him, seemed so far away when you woke up, and all of it happening only hours ago hadn’t settled yet. It was like anticipating a concert and finally getting to buy tickets. The reality of having done just that always settled in way later. But it was a nice feeling.

The second you heard your best friend’s key turning in the lock, you jumped up to greet her.

“What’s gotten into you, why are you not moping on the couch?”, she asked with furrowed eyebrows as she watched you running towards her. Your arms wrapped around Helen’s smaller frame and you finally couldn’t contain your excitement any longer. You had given her just enough time to hang up her coat and take off her shoes before you took her hand and pulled her into the living room. Once you two were seated on the couch, you started talking.

“I met Ben today.”, you told her with a grin.

“Did he look like shit?” Helen was unimpressed.

“Yeah, he did. He looked like he barely left his flat since the breakup, but- “

“Great. I’m so glad he’s suffering.”

“Helen! Don’t be so mean. As I was saying- “

“Why not? He hurt you, I want to hurt him. Worse. Way worse.” You rolled your eyes at her last comment.

“As I was trying to say, we talked. Quite a bit, actually. And I decided- “

“Here it comes.”, Helen mumbled.

“And I decided to give him a new chance if he proves that he deserves it until sunset.”, you were proud of your decision. If he really did love you and if he meant what he said, he would try to make it up to you tonight. Helen eyed you for a minute before sighing.

“You could have made him suffer more,” she finally said, “but you also could have done worse. I’m actually quite proud to see that you didn’t forgive him then and there and made beautiful little babies right on the spot.” You pushed her lightly for the inappropriate comment, but it had become some kind of running gag between you two. The first time Helen met Ben, she told you two that you would make the most beautiful babies on planet earth, which had caused both you and Ben to lose yourselves in a fit of laughter. Ben loved Helen’s sassy remarks, each of them better than the last one, although he often ended up as the target and felt embarrassed at the accuracy of each of them.

“Do you want me to follow you two just in case?”, Helen asked as she watched you getting ready not long after. In the meantime, you two had fantasised about what Ben might have planned for you two, Helen had eaten her sandwich, and told you what she would do to him if he even dared to think about fucking things up.

“Yeah, because this is my first date with Ben, a man I have only known for years.”, you rolled your eyes playfully at her question. Helen huffed in annoyance.

“Not because he’s a stranger, but because I know that you will forgive him even if he fucks up. And I want to support you.”, she told you. Helen’s arms were crossed in front of her chest as she watched you pull down the black knitted sweater.

“I appreciate your protectiveness, I really do, but…”, you started, but stopped yourself. Were you truly sure that Ben won’t hurt you again? Suddenly, you felt like you didn’t know Ben at all anymore. You felt like that for quite some time now, but you wouldn’t admit it. Not to yourself or anyone else. You didn’t want to feel that way about him.

Your eyes wandered from watching yourself in the mirror in front of you to looking at Helen’s reflection. Worry and sadness were etched into her face as she waited for you to continue your phrase, but she knew you couldn’t.

“I’ll drive after you two.”, Helen said quietly and you only nodded at her reflection before casting your gaze downwards to your makeup. Only your lipstick was left to apply, but somehow you couldn’t bring yourself to lift your arms anymore, instead opting to fiddle with it.

Helen noticed.

She got up and took the lipstick from your hands, then lifted your face as she gently pushed your chin up.

“You’re not supposed to be the pessimistic one. You’re supposed to be the hopelessly romantic who always believes in a happy end. And you will get your happy end, I know so much.”, Helen told you as she carefully applied the lipstick. You smiled lightly when she was done.

“We only have a few minutes left, let me put on some jeans really quick, then we can hold hands and wait for lover boy to sweep you off your feet.”, Helen winked at you before changing, then sat down in the living room with you, waiting for Ben to come around.

Unlike earlier, anticipation was killing you now and the minutes felt like hours. Neither you nor Helen were making an effort to talk. You were too nervous and so was Helen. She didn’t want to see you getting hurt again. It pained her far too much when she watched you crying on her couch every day. Especially after he made you so happy.

Four a clock rolled by. Ben was supposed to be there now. You shook your head. Traffic was horrible at this time of the day.

Five minutes passed and there was not a trace of him.

Ten minutes passed. You looked at your phone for the umpteenth time, hoping for a message from Ben. Nothing.

Fifteen minutes passed. Helen was growing impatient. Her leg was constantly bouncing. You were gnawing on your bottom lip.

Twenty minutes passed. Your heart was hammering wildly against your chest and your breathing quickened. You were about to fall into a panic attack. Helen noticed and gently placed a hand on your shoulder.

Twenty-five minutes passed. You had managed to calm down, but now a different sensation was spreading in your body. Pain. Your heart actually felt like it was breaking. And not only yours.

Half an hour had passed and Ben wasn’t there. He hadn’t called. He hadn’t messaged you.

You waited for him to come around until the sun had set. That was when you broke down. It took Helen far too long for her liking to calm you down. Your makeup was smudged, your mascara and eyeliner having run down your cheeks, your lipstick smeared over half your face, tear streaks running down to your jaw.

Helen had enough and before you even knew what was happening, she had brought you to her car, helped you get in, and drove off. Where to, you weren’t sure. You suspected that she would try to find Ben, but you didn’t have the energy to ask. Violent sobs racked through your body, tears ran down your cheeks, dropping onto your clothes, and you desperately held onto yourself. Everything was too much for you to handle.

Helen felt awful sitting next to you. She wasn’t able to help you for the moment and she knew it, but that only made her more desperate to try to make you feel better.

After a while, Helen stopped the car. You only had to lift your gaze to find out where she had taken you, but you couldn’t. Your eyes were in a half-open state. Tears blurred your vision. Your face casted downwards, towards your feet.

“I’ll be right back, love.”, Helen told you, her hand patting your shoulder lightly before she got out of the car.

You heard yelling. Helen was yelling. You caught the words ‘arse’, ‘fucker’, and what sounded like her telling someone that she would rip his balls off if he didn’t come down this instant. You knew that you were at Ben’s. And you knew that he was home because you heard people rushing towards the car.

A dull pain spread in your chest, around your heart. It physically hurt. He had forgotten about you.

Helen locked the doors. You knew it was to protect you. So, Ben wouldn’t be able to open the door and get to actually talk to you.

“See what you did to her? What happened to ‘I wouldn’t ever hurt her’?! What happened to ‘she’s the love of my life’?! What happened to ‘I love her’?! I swore to her and myself that I wouldn’t let anyone hurt her and you know what? I failed her. I let you arse hurt her twice.” Helen was frantically screaming, her voice breaking. She was crying, too.

“I swear that wasn’t my intention! Please let me talk to her. I know I fucked up, but things took longer than I thought they would and then my agent came by unexpectedly and- “You knew that Ben was crying. And it made you feel slightly better.

“You could have called! Or at least texted her! We have been waiting for you to come for hours, Ben.”

“Y/N, love, please listen to me.”, Ben now said, ignoring your best friend. He knew that he should have, he was just scared of missing the one chance he had. And now he totally blew it.

You lifted your gaze, looking towards the window. Tears were running down Ben’s face at the same speed as your own. His hands were pressed against the window, just like his forehead. He was trying to be as close to you as possible.

“There you go. Y/N, I’m so sorry. Really, I truly am. Please listen to me. I’m going to make it up to you, I promise!”, Ben told you, but you only shook your head. You turned to look at Helen, trying to tell her to unlock the door. She was hesitant about it, but did it anyway. Ben stepped back from the door, giving you space to get out.

A gasp left your lips as soon as the cold evening air embraced you fully, your arms wrapping even tighter around your own body, now in an attempt to keep yourself warm.

No one moved.

“Ben, stop it. Stop it with all those empty speeches. Am I really not important enough for you to send me a short message that you will be late?”, you asked as more tears filled your eyes. Ben couldn’t say anything. He tried to touch you, take your hand or touch your cheek, but you didn’t let him. You took a step back, your back now hitting the cold steel of the car as you looked at Ben.

“Ben, don’t touch me. Not now. I don’t want to see you again. Not until you keep your promises.” With that, you sat back down in the car, slamming your door shut and waited for your best friend to drive you back.

That was truly an extraordinary evening.

[zwiezraczek]

I just love your writing and what you did with my other Billy request so here you have another one with him. (There will probably be more) She/Her 14 Y/N's having a bad day and Billy don't know what to do to cheer her up. I'm living for cute Billy angst for some reason 🤔 Thank you and take your time, no stress 😊

Wounded [Blurb]

Part 1 Love at First Sight - Part 2 - Part 3

14. "You need a hug, I shall provide" // Having a bad day and Billy doesn't know how to do to cheer you up + never enough angsty fluffy Billy

~~~

Today was probably the worst day of your life. Of what remained of your life. The day of your own death. The one One roughly planned, it didn't go as well as intended, but you were here, with the Ghosts calling you Eight. And not with your family, that believed you were happy when alive, but you weren't. What a selfish decision you made, probably making your mother cry during the funeral you couldn't attend because of this fake death gone wrong. But you found a family there, people worth living for, you found Four, probably your soulmate in this afterlife. But even them couldn't make this day less unbearable.

Three was the first one to help you doing some research to find a way to see your parents, no matter how – even if you were the informatics genius of the team, you couldn't collect yourself to do this without crying – and he succeeded. You had access to your parent's fridge camera, and the one on top of the tv. With watery eyes, you looked at the screen, Three's hand on your shoulder as you watched your mother cooking something for your dad in the kitchen. She was there, looking at you without knowing it. You could hear her hum some songs as she used to while cooking: now a blessing to your ears. From that moment, you spent most of your time with your phone, looking at your parents whenever you could, whenever you felt the need to.

And this was how you found out about your parents wanting to mourn you on that special day, on this first anniversary, by doing all the things you loved: go to your favorite restaurant, watch your favorite movies and tv shows, listen to your favorite music, buy your favorite snacks... They wanted a part of you to spend the day with them, and you did, you watched them spending the day with you and somehow you spent the day with them. And honestly, you couldn't stop yourself from crying your eyes out, with a small pause when they went to the restaurant and you to the Ghosts' kitchen to grab something to eat. A hoodie on your head, red eyes, and everybody knew, implicitly as you walked in, silently heading towards the fridge to grab something consistent to eat. Four tried to talk to you, but you only looked at him shortly before turning your back and going out. You told him you wanted to see nobody on that day, you told him that it wasn't against him but if you'd spend the day with him you would cry forever, complain forever and be a huge mess to deal with: and the point was that you didn't want to be a huge mess in front of him, not for an entire day.

He felt hurt, a bit, maybe more. He wanted to share your pain, but you couldn't collect yourself to share this moment with him, not before you managed to get used to it. But still, Four spent the day in the empty pool, skateboarding alone, or with Five by his side and talking about how he wanted to be here for you, but you didn't. His family left him, he had no one in his previous life, and the ones he trusted turned out to let him die so he couldn't understand why you cared that much, because he knew your parents thought you were happy and never tried to see through the veil you were putting on your face. He was mad at them for letting you spiral into a kind of depression, almost letting One kill you, he wasn't ready to understand that despite this they cared much about you. This was strange for him. You cared for people who didn't care enough for you. But they still cared and wanted the best for you, not succeeding, but wanting. And now, bleeding because you weren't there.

Curled up on your couch, you held the phone next to your face, waiting for them to come back. They came in with a large bag of groceries and you watched them unpack all the things you loved, all the things you missed here. You saw your mother cry, and your father too. This was too much, but not enough to make you turn off the phone. You brushed your fingers against the device, sobbing slowly. You wished you were there.

“I miss her,” she whispered into your dad's ear, you could hardly hear what she was saying through her sobs.

“I miss her too,” he replied, voice cracking slowly as he embraced your mother tightly.

“I miss you both,” you managed to articulate, tears falling on the screen before you wiped them wit the sleeve of your hoodie and pressed the phone against your heart. “It hurts how much I miss you.”

You felt like shit. Crying, hiccuping, with puffy red eyes and weight on your chest. You felt the pain they had, you shared it and wanted to take it away from them. But you couldn't, andthat was all your damn fault. If you could only turn back time, choose to ignore One and tell him to fuck off and continue living your boring life, just for them to be happy. Just for them. Just for them. Everything became blurry from your sobs, the trailer was spinning around as you wiped your tears with the hoodie and some tissues, eating ice cream as your parents watched your favorite movie together, remembering how much you loved it and telling what you would say here and there. And they were right. They knew you too well, they cared. They truly did. And you couldn't take this anymore, not alone.

You knew you told Four that you wanted to be alone today, but now you needed him. You needed somebody or you would die, for real this time. This was too much to take for you, and you thought you could handle it, turned out you couldn't. Luckily, he was back from the pool with Five, and he opened, tired eyes, in his white sweater and shorts. The look on his face was strange, he seemed horrified, anxious, lost, and all he wanted right now was to soothe your painful eyes as much as he could.

“Hey love,” you whispered between two sobs, “can I... Come in? Please?”

“Don't ask love, please, come in,” he replied, letting you in, as you slowly entered his trailer. And you stood there, in the middle of the room, awkwardly, as if you were a child waiting for their parents to tell them what to do, what to think, how to feel.

“Can I have a hug?” You finally managed to ask for it, your voice cracking as he opened his arms with a little smile.

“You need a hug, I shall provide,” he replied as you rand into his arms, desperate, sobbing, crying into his chest and not being able to catch your breath. You tried to speak, but the words coming out of your mouth were only blabbers, not understandable. He gently stroke your hair, putting small kisses on top of your head. “I love you, I love you,” he repeated, pulling you closer.

“I disappeared from their lives like, like, like... Like I never cared,” you cried out with difficulty. You embraced him stronger, as if your life relied on him right now, and indeed you were here thanks to him.

“You cared, you care, love,” he reassured you, never stopping putting gentle kisses on top of your head. “You did the right thing, love, and I can only imagine how difficult it is for youlove, but you did the right thing for yourself, you truly did, huh, look at me love, please,” he asked, his voice tender and reassuring. You looked up at him, looking like a mess, and he kissed your forehead then put his against yours and whispered. “You did the right thing, they would be proud I'm sure, they would be proud to know that they have such a wonderful daughter saving the world with a bunch of people. I'm sure they still are proud of who you are.”

He managed to calm you down a little, only hiccups now. His words were a compress to your bleeding heart, to your pained mind and to your wounded body. And he continued to whisper you how much he loved you as he held you in his arms, closely, to never let you go.

[inthegardensofourminds]

Mood board inspired by Baby You Were My Picket Fence by @inthedayswhenlandswerefew​

“You’re pretty humble for a demon.”

[yournotsolocalcryptid]

Warren?

Warren x GN!Reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, bad writing. Sorry in advance for all spelling and grammar mistakes

Word count: 1.3k

 You awoke with a start. Your heart and mind racing, your eyes wide with fear. You looked frantically around the room not quite sure what you were expecting to see but all you were greeted with was your peaceful, empty room. The quiet and still of your room only made you feel worse and more paranoid. You know it was just a bad dream and you should be used to them by now but your heart wouldn’t stop racing. Your chest felt tight and there was a distinct lump in your throat as you blinked away the tears that were forming in your eyes. Before you knew quite what you were doing you were out of bed and had closed the door behind you.

 You walked down the long barely lit hallway as quietly and calmly as you could, given your current state of mind. When you reached his door you hesitated, your mind swirling with doubt and your eyes welled up once again but no tears fell. Why were you here? You didn’t remember choosing to come here. You didn’t remember deciding to need him. And yet, here you were.

 You and Warren had always been close and you thought of him as your best friend but was showing up at his door in the middle of the night going too far? He was probably sleeping and you didn’t want to disturb him over something so stupid. It was just a nightmare, get over it. And even as you thought these things you raised your fist to his door and knocked quietly.

 “Warren?” you said softly then paused waiting for any sign of life from behind the door. After a moment you repeated your actions ever so slightly louder. This time the door swung open almost immediately after you called his name, to reveal a very sleepy and annoyed Warren. But when he saw it was you his expression softened.

 “YN?” He asked concernedly “what time is it?”

 You were wringing your hands nervously and when You opened your mouth to try to respond nothing came out

 “What’s wrong?”

 You avoid his gaze feeling scared and vulnerable and stupid for feeling that way. Warren sighs softly and steps to the side holding the door open for you. You hesitate for a microsecond before stepping forward into the moonlit room. You’d been in his room before, to study and whatnot but never at night. Never like this. You couldn’t help but feel that this was very different. That stepping through that door may have just changed everything between you and Warren.

 Warren stood, his back to the closed door with his arms folded over his chest as he surveyed you with growing concern. You could feel him looking at you but you still couldn’t meet his eye so you slowly wandered over to the window on the other side of the room.

 After a moment or two of silence, Warren made his way to you. Then he wrapped his arms around you and laid his head on your shoulder. The tears that had been threatening to fall since you awoke in a panic not 15 minutes ago suddenly slid down your face. You turned quickly in his arms so you were facing him. Your arms wrapped around him tightly and you buried your face in his shoulder. Warren's grip had loosed in shock. He has never seen you like this, but within moments he tightened his hold on you. One large hand was on the small of your back and the other on the back of your head, soothingly stroking your hair as you sobbed into him.

 The two of you stayed that way for quite a while until the tears had stopped. When your grip finally loosened his did too. You tried to pull back from him but his hands held firm on your shoulders stopping you from going too far. You looked up at him and sniffled a bit sheepishly, unsure of what to say. But you didn’t have to say anything. You may not have told Warren about the nightmares but he knew all about your past and all the things you’ve been through. He’s also not an idiot. He sees how tired you are, he saw the fear and hesitation in your eyes when he suggested you two share a room on a mission, how you mumbled something about needing your own space even tho in the entire time he’d known you you've never needed space. Well, not from him at least. You finally opened your mouth to apologize, your gaze immediately dropping from his face to your hands which you were once again wringing but before you could speak, he stopped you.

 “You don't have to say anything and you definitely shouldn't apologize.”

 “But I-

 “I know.”

 “No, you don't. How could you? I haven't-” he cut you off once more

 “I know” he spoke so softly and emotionally that you couldn't help but look up at him. When your eyes met his you saw that they were filled with sincerity and glittering with unshed tears. All your doubts started fading. Warren knew and it didn't matter how he knew. All that mattered was that he was there and he didn’t appear to be going anywhere and that thought alone was enough to make a tear slip down your cheek.

 Warren gently moved his hand to cup your cheek and his thumb traced the trail the tear left as you two subconsciously moved back together until you were nearly chest to chest. Your eyes were locked on Warrens face while he was focusing on his hand on your cheek. Your eyes flicked to his lips for a fraction of a second but when you looked up his eyes were focused on your whole face again. Without thinking you leaned forward and closed the gap between the two of you. Your lips met his and for a moment the world seemed to stand still. But then your brain started screaming at you and you pulled away, immediately apologizing

 “I’m so sorry Warren. I don’t know why I did that” you pulled fully out of his grasp as he stood there stunned for a few moments “fuck” you started pacing side to side in front of him in the dark room “fuck, I’m so stupid and so so so sorry. Why the fuck did I do that?” You were so caught up in you ranting that you hadn’t noticed Warren trying to speak. Your muttering was cut off when Warren spun you around to face him and kissed you. Your eyes were wide with shock for a second - but only for a second- before they slid closed and you melted into him. The kiss was passionate and emotional, the kind of kiss you’d expect two best friends to have after an emotionally charged moment.

 When the kiss finally ended the two of you stayed forehead to forehead for a few minutes, breathing heavily, no words needed.

 “We should probably get some sleep” Warren said in an almost whisper. You just nodded and made your way to the bed and climbed in. He followed suit. The two of you spent the next few minutes trying to find the best, most comfortable way to be which proved to be a little difficult given the size of the bed and Warrens wings. But, before too long you had worked it out. You were laying on your back and Warren was on his front. His legs entangled with yours, his arm and one of his wings thrown over your body. You had never felt more loved or protected in your entire life and as you drifted off to sleep you couldn’t imagine a life without Warren and you hoped he couldn’t imagine one without you.

 “Warren?”

 “Hmmm?”

 “I love you”

Ben taglist: @softboyhardy

Celebration taglist: @lemurian-starship @redroses-too

[intricate-oeuvre]

say it before you run out of time || B. Hardy || part X

part I  part II  part III  part IV  part V  part VI  part VII   part VIII  part IX  part X  part XI  part XII part XIII

Word count: 2.4k+

Summary: Ben and the reader have been friends since childhood. And along the way reader falls in love with him. But it might be too late when another girl shows up claiming that she’s his girlfriend.

Warnings: mentions of drowning, and horrible writing overall

A/n: i googled so many things that mow my fbi agent is coming for me thinking that I am planning on drowning someone; hmu if you want to be tagged in future parts

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

***gif- courtesy of google // if it’s yours hit me up so I can credit you

There was blue. A lot of blue. It took you a second to realize that the blue colour was coming from the sky. But it was adored with golden marble-like threads. The sun dancing across the ripples of the water above. Letting your eyes flicker to the sides, you saw your arms that were moving like see-weeds in slow, thought-out movements, almost giving them this flowing look. You saw your hair in your peripheral, indicating your movement downwards. With slight thud in your head, your movement stopped overall. Your eyes still looking up at the sky that was above the pool. Couple of bubbles from your mouth and nose distorting your view for a second. Momentarily your vision was interrupted with something dark. Something that mixed well with water and made it look murky. The dark liquid in slow mix of water gained yellowish, smoke like outlines until it all turned into rusty colour altogether when you waved your hand through it. That brain of yours seemed to work in slow motion, so it took you a while to acknowledge the fact it was blood and that it was coming somewhere from your head. You were bleeding. Next second the panic settled in and your lungs started to burn as they were screaming for air. Your hands started to claw at nothing, trying to reach something that didn’t exist. The burn in your chest became so unbearable that out of sheer instinct of keeping yourself alive, you gulped down the water, pulling it straight to your lungs, making them burn even more as black started to cloud your vision.

It all stared with muffled screaming. You couldn’t make out owners of all voices, and your body too weak to open your eyes, but your lungs were still burning until there was very specifically applied pressure to your chest. You wanted to open your eyes so badly, but you couldn’t.

“Rose, call the fucking medics!” someone yelled and the named girl with tears in her eyes run to get phone and make a call.

“Is she breathing?!” Maddie asked sobbing, kneeling besides your seamlessly dead body. Ben didn’t answer, opting between CPR and chest compressions.

“ROSE!” Ben yelled, wanting to know how far was she.

“They are coming in 6 minutes! Keep doing CPR!” Rose said, running back outside.

“For fucks sake!” Ben swore, with his eyes searching your face for any kind sign that you were breathing.

“Come on, sweetheart…” he occasionally said through gritted teeth.

Everyone was standing near you, Maddie right next to you, Rose clutching her phone and praying that you come back, Ben’s friends right behind him, ready to switch him for chest compressions. Even Frankie was laying near the door, feeling that something was off, as her dark eyes were looking at your drenched body and how blood from your forehead, elbow and knee was mixing with the water that clung to your cold skin.

And Nina.

Even she was standing near. Scared. That was never her intention. She didn’t know that you don’t know how to swim. She didn’t know that standing decent step away from pool will be so lethal to you. She didn’t know that you would fall face first to the sharp edge, stretching your hands in front to protect yourself, just to miss the edge couple of inches, making you scrape your elbows and forehead against the pools edge and your knees buckle under you and with force be driven into the paved ground just to be slashed with bloody bruises.

Nina didn’t expect any of that.

“What happened?!” Rose suddenly turned to Nina.

“I said she jumped in.” Nina still stood by what she said earlier.

“Why would she do so if she DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SWIM?!” Rose pointed at Nina.

“Rose don’t, it isn’t helping.” Maddie sobbed, still kneeling next to you, watching how Ben was desperately trying to bring you back.

Your lungs were burning, your throat was burning. You needed the air, but the water in your lungs stopped you from breathing in. With twitch of your body, you coughed up water that was stuck in somewhere along the way to your lungs.

“OH, THANK FUCKING, GOD!” someone exclaimed. Your dulled senses had no idea who or what was going on. Coughing violently, you grabbed your chest and rolled to the side. Even through your dulled hearing you could make out the sirens of ambulance. You didn’t remember much. Medics were rushing to you, but your eyes didn’t focus on them but only tried to find some familiar face as panic took over you again. Your chest still felt like it was burning and you wanted to clutch your throat. Out of the corner of your eye you caught familiar glimpse of light hair.

Ben…      

He was drenched to the bone, just like you were. His finger tips were tainted with your blood. And with your unfocused gaze you couldn’t tell if he was crying or not, because water was still dancing down his face from his hair.

Rose was the only person that went with you to the hospital with medics. Everyone else could follow afterwards, if needed. As you were putted in the car and taken to the hospital for check ups and tests and overall to make sure that nothing important was damaged, you didn’t have a chance to see the masquerade that took place at Ben’s house.

“NINA!” Ben called for her, because at the moment it seemed that the girl had disappeared. While he was patiently waiting for Nina to answer him, Ben was searching for dry clothes and hoping to get to the hospital as fast as he could.

“Yeah?” she finally immerged from kitchen, when Ben was ready to leave the house.

“Tell me what really happened?” he pointed his finger at her.

“I’m telling you for the third time, boo, she jumped in as I walked away.” Nina said in that innocent voice of hers. Ben only sighed with irritation:

“We talked this morning. There is nothing between us from now on. So, don’t give me those nicknames.”

“Mads, did you get everything she’ll need?” Ben called louder this time, searching for Maddie.

“Yes, let’s go.” Maddie said, her eyes turning cold upon noticing Nina.

“You’re coming with us.” Ben grabbed Nina’s wrist, so she wouldn’t step back.

“Why?” Nina stood ground.

“I am pretty sure doctors will want to hear what happened, since you were there as you say.” Maddie explained.

  *At hospital*

“You called her mum?” Maddie asked, while she was talking with Rose and Ben now.

“Yeah. Doctors asked if she has some relatives nearby.” Rose shrugged.

“She’s going to kill me.” Ben said, letting his hand through his hair.

“Can we see her?” Maddie asked, glancing at the door where you were sleeping.

“Yeah, I think she’s fine for now.” Rose said and led them to the door.

You were laying on the bed, IV going in your arm and nasal breathing tube if there might be chance of you having troubled breathing.

“We thought we lost you there, for a second.” Maddie said walking up to you and sitting besides your bed.

“Nah, I’m still here.” You gave her a weak smile.

“What happened?” Ben asked as he leaned against the wall and looked at you. He was waiting for you to say the same thing that Nina had told, but he didn’t buy her bullshit.

“I-“ you started, but one look in Nina’s direction made you shut up.

“I told them you jumped in, right?” Nina asked, while standing near the door and giving you a death glare.

“I… Yeah… that’s what happened.” You trailed off and slightly nodded.

“But you don’t know how to swim, dummy.” Maddie looked at you with curious look on her face.

“I thought I might learn?” You gave bullshit of a lie.

“Yeah, right…” Ben trailed off, catching that something was off in what you said.

Your eyes moved to look at him and how he had changed his clothes, even thought his hair was still damp.

“Someone in here is not talking.” Rose stated and turned to look at Nina.

“What? I told you what happened, what don’t you get?” Nina shrugged.

“Okay.” Ben clasped his hands to talk, when there was a knock on the door and nurse stuck her head in.

“Miss, you have… more visitors.” And with that three of your uni classmates came in.

“What the….?” You mumbled looking at all of them.

“How did you guys get in?” you looked at Nate, Mila and Emilie.

“Nate told the receptionist that he was your boyfriend.” Emilie said as if she was out of breath, happy to see that you were alright.

“Boyfriend?” Rose, Maddie and Ben said at the same time.

“Nate, you aren’t my boyfriend. If you ever claim that you are, I’m going to punch you in the face.” You furrowed your brows and chastised him half-heartedly. Ben looked from you to this Nate guy, his brow slightly furrowed.

“Who do you have here?” Mila looked around at Rose, Maddie, Nina and Ben.

“Who’s the… you know.” Mila leaned to whisper in your ear, discreetly gesturing to Ben.

“That’s Ben.” You said quietly.

“Oh. So, to his house you sometimes disappear when you are not in our room in dorms.” Mila said, this time louder.

“Milaaa…” you hissed at her.

“That’s him? That’s Ben?” Emilie looked at the blond in the back.

“Nate, sweetheart, I am so sorry…” Mila patted Nate’s shoulder.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Can we like, leave my love life alone and leave at the fact that I am single?” you rolled your eyes. Nate was ready to say something, but you stopped him:

“Don’t. You are not going to claim anything else.”

Your eyes drifted to Ben, and how he was assessing Nate. You didn’t how what to do about the look that Ben was sporting. His green eyes seemed darker than usual, but not like the ones you would see when you were making out with him.

“You okay?” you asked Ben with tilt of your head.

“Are you alright?” he asked instead, his eyes snapping from Nate to you. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the way you talked with Nate, so effortlessly.

“What is going on?” Rose mumbled, realizing that there were too many people in the room. As if on cue, the doctor came back with your mum hot on his heels.

“Oh, here we go…” trailed off.

“Alright, there seems to be too many eager ears.” Doctor stated.

“Can I ask some of you to leave, except for relatives. Like your mother, and what nurse told to be… a boyfriend?” Doctor stated.

Shit.

Stay calm and just say you don’t have one, that something was misunderstood.

You sent Nate a look ‘don’t even think about it’.

Well, what you didn’t see, was how Maddie and Rose shared a devilish smile between each other.

“So… were just going to leave you guys…” Maddie nodded and gently guided out your uni friends. Ben ready to follow.

“Hold your horses… boyfriend…” Rose stopped Ben with her hand on his shoulder. Ben’s eyes darted to you, you sent him a small smile, making him know that it was okay for him to stay.

“Boyfriend? You are n—” Nina started but was guided out of the room by Rose, who sent a small wink in your direction.

Doctor waited patiently for everyone to move out. He then proceeded to take away the breathing tube and take out the IV.

“So…” doctor started and then proceeded to explain how the x-rays and tests came back negative, meaning you were all good for now. And that there should be no reason for pulmonary edema to develop. Also advised to not overwork yourself and just take it easy and if there were any signs of troubled breathing, you should immediately come see doctors.

“Also, you have slightly bruised sternum, but it’s nothing compared to the fact that CPR saved your life. Not to mention the bruise on the side of your ribs, to which we don’t know the explanation.” Doctor continued, explaining that you might feel your chest hurt when turning to the side, but that should disappear in couple of days. You nodded, sending a small smile towards Ben. But your head was occupied with the fact that now you had a bruise where Nina had pushed you.

“I’m going to send a nurse with your release form and then you are free to go.” Doctor said before leaving the hospital ward.

“I told you that it will lead to nothing good.” Your mum told you afterwards, sitting on your bed and holding your cheeks.

“I’m fine, mum.” You pulled your head out of her grasp.

“Don’t you ever scare me like that.” She said taking your hand.

“I won’t.” you smiled at her reassuringly.

“And you.” Your mum pointed at Ben.

“Mum.” You warned.

“Thank you, Ben. As much as I disapprove of these parties you are having sometimes, I am thankful that you were there.” Your mum said, slightly surprising you.

“I would never let anything happen to her.” Ben smiled at your mum, then let his eyes flicker to you. Your mum nodded and left you two alone for a moment before she’ll come and drive you back to the dorms.

“Tell me what really happened out there. I have a feeling that Nina isn’t saying something to me. To anyone.” Ben sighed and looked at you. Sitting on the bed now.

You sat up and let your legs dangle over the bed, sitting beside him, wandering how much you should tell him.

“I was talking with Rose and Maddie in the morning, that much you know. And they left, leaving me alone with my thoughts for a moment until Nina joined. And we talked. Then I was in water.” You tried to opt for simple explanation.

“That really doesn’t explain the bruise on your side. And I am pretty sure it was not there when I was in your room.” Ben said turning to you and letting his hand gently slide up the side of your body. You didn’t answer. Not sure what Nina would do if you opened your mouth too much.

“What did you two talked about?” Ben asked with tilt of his head.

Damn it, okay… now or never, right?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ tags:  @rogahloveshiscar @brianandthemays @queen-turtle-boiii @radiob-l-a-hblah @scarsout @sara-1705 @babydazz @mercurycrowley @drowse13 @ironicallyrog @moe-jazzello @forbbidensunlust @virtualsheepeat @vanitysfairr @luvborhap @loveandbeloved29 @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen @blind-melon-taylor @jazzman-19 @happyvoidhumanhands @rogerrhqpsody

[deaky-trash]

The Smallest Coffins Are Always the Heaviest | Part 1

A/N: @toger-raylor wanted me to tag them in this and I'm already working on part two so be ready for some extreme angst

Pairing: Roger Taylor x F!Reader

Warnings: Idk? Fluff?? Angst will be in the next two chapters so get some tissues darlings. Probably just some spelling/grammar errors and my garbo writing.

Word Count: 1.2k (she thicc)

“So, um,” Y/N began, awkwardly smiling down at her dinner plate sat in front of her. Another thing that sat in front of her was her best friend Roger, whom she had known since primary school. “Is your food good, Rog?” she asked, her face turning reddish as she beamed up at the handsome blonde man. “Yeah, it’s good. Even if it is a bit strange being on a date with my best friend and roommate,” he laughed. You chuckled along with him in the restaurant as you two ate.

That’s how it all began. Y/N’s relationship with Roger had been built off of a nearly fifteen year long friendship, which had also been built upon the guys’ encouragement and pushing for the two to get together. Freddie would always plan dates, help with her outfits and hair, and do your makeup for her.

As it went on, though, Y/N did become very affectionate towards the doe-eyed man that she had known for nearly her whole life. They were completely inseparable since they had met in Year 1, where Y/N became known as “that new girl that hangs out with Roger.” But to little Roger, she was his best friend.

It was as though they were sewed together at the hip, even taking the same courses in secondary school so they could spend every waking moment together. The other guys in Queen could clearly tell the two were soulmates, but they were so oblivious to their love for each other.

College was no different. Even though Y/N was a paleontology major and Roger seemed to be very set on the route of dentistry, the two rented out a flat to share while they were at uni. Once Roger began touring with the band, she got to see the world with him. The man that she loved so much. She would drop out of college to travel with her Rogie.

The two were dating for several years now, and Queen had become a household name with Killer Queen and You’re My Best Friend. Y/N and Roger seemed madly in love, like they were even closer together. Roger could barely leave Y/N alone in a club without getting worried about her getting hurt. Even with the roadies around, Roger was always by her side, even giving her front row seats to their shows so he could shoot her smiles as he played his drums.

America was a lovely place, being able to see all kinds of amazing people and seeing the different towns’ surprisingly vast cultures. The country accents and rowdiness of the midwest and south to the soft voices and kind demeanor of many northerners. They were all so different and that was amazing to her.

During the last show of the tour in the U.S., Freddie had made a special announcement for the two and handed a microphone to Roger, who had just hopped down from where his drum set was sitting. He motioned for her to come up onto the stage.

Brian helped she up and smiled at her, ushering her off to Roger. Y/N met her wonderful boyfriend in center stage, while most of the crowd was going wild with cheers and screams for the band.

Roger was red, however, not from the task of playing the drums. He looked strangely nervous, which was not his usual self, especially for a man nicknamed “Rainbow” from his colorful wardrobe and was currently wearing butterfly pants and a fully unbuttoned silk shirt.

Her smile shined bright to him, even under the dim, orange-tinted lights. Her eyes sparkled in the dark room as though they contained star-filled night skies of their own while she shared a loving gaze with Roger. His heart skipped a beat at the beauty that stood across from him. He couldn’t believe that someone this amazingly intelligent, kind, and gorgeous could be in love with him.

Roger took a deep breath and spoke into the microphone softly, “Y/N, you are the gentlest soul I have ever come across in my entire life. Your laugh is like magic. You cheer me up in a single glance with your gorgeous smile. I can’t believe that you love me. I feel like the luckiest man on Earth right now. I get to be here, surrounded by friends and fans. And here with you. You make me the happiest, Y/N. I melt into a puddle when I’m around you. You make me feel like I’m in Heaven every day. I want to feel like that all the time,” Roger gushed. Y/N was able to see tears well up in his eyes. However, she became the crying one when Roger bent down on one knee and pulled a ring out of the pocket of his pants.

“Will you marry me, Y/N/N?” he smiled softly at her. The same way he smiled at her when they had first met. Y/N nodded ecstatically and he jumped up, hugging her tightly while the crowd roared with excited screams, whistles and claps. She pulled away partially and pressed a loving kiss to his lips, Freddie cheering from the sidelines.

The wedding wasn’t the most magical scene to outsiders, just the normal wedding other than a large amount of guests, but to Y/N and Roger, it was the greatest day of their lives. He stood at the end of the aisle in the chapel. He seemed more nervous than he was proposing, and both of the families were smiling, waiting for the ceremony to start.

The music silenced anyone talking as the pianist began to play. The groomsmen, which included John, Brian, and Freddie, walked down the aisle with the bridesmaids. John had the usual sweetheart grin on his face. He was always happy and giggly all the time and it was nice to see one member of the band was always so sweet.

Y/N’s father began walking her down the aisle, and Roger stared at his soon-to-be wife. He was in awe at the woman approaching him in that white dress that so many little girls dream about wearing one day when they find the one. “Wow,” was the only word that he was able to say as he watched the woman of his dreams.

Y/N hugged her father softly as she stood across from Roger. The smile on her face lit up the chapel. Roger felt as if he was in his own little world with her. She was the only thing he could see. Y/N grabbed his hands, Roger coming back into reality as the minister began the speech.

The reception was one of the biggest parties Roger had ever seen, and that was pretty big coming from the Roger Taylor, drummer of Queen. Some fans the guys had met and become friends with were even there. Y/N was walking around and greeting some of the people who had showed up, while Roger was talking to the guys.

“Congratulations, Rog,” Brian smiled and took a sip of the wine he was holding. “Yes, darling! Knowing you, we thought you’d never get married! But here you are!” Freddie laughed and rested his arm around his friend’s shoulder. John just smiled softly as his own wife Veronica came up to give her own congratulations as well.

Roger seemed a lot more happy at this moment than he had ever really been in his life. He was finally able to spend the rest of his life with the love of his life, and was so thankful for her in this moment. He felt like the luckiest man in the world to marry Y/N L/N.

[rendezvousroger]

Hard Feelings (Ben Hardy x Reader)

Summary: Ben falls out of love with the reader and the memories are too much to handle.

A/N: This was requested by an anon who wanted me to write something about Ben inspired by Lorde’s song of “Hard Feelings” and it is actually one of my favorite songs in the world so I absolutely enjoyed writing this.

Warnings: A lot of angst. Sorry.

It was late at night, the room was silent and you didn’t know if it was the cold weather the reason why you were shaking, or if it was the blonde man sitting on the couch.

You wanted this to be a nightmare you would soon wake up from so badly, but you knew it wasn’t. 

He was looking down at the floor, his hands clasped together not daring to look you in the eyes.

You took a deep breath and went to sit on the couch.

There was a huge gap on the coach between the two of you, something pretty unusual since you were both used to being the closest you could be to each other. 

You closed your eyes for a moment and then looked at him, his gaze was still focused on the floor.

“So it’s over.” You whispered. Your words coming out more as a question than a statement. 

And with those words he finally looked at you. His eyes were glossy and red, and you knew yours looked the same too, except you were letting the tears fall down.

You closed your eyes and let a few more tears out, already knowing what he was going to say.

Except he didn’t say anything, he just nodded. 

You stood up from the coach and grabbed your purse from the coffee table, your eyes clouded with tears. You wanted to scream and cry, but you didn’t want him to see you be so vulnerable. 

So you made your way towards the door to leave, but stopped once you saw the framed picture of you he had on the wall. 

You held your breath as you remembered so vividly the day he had taken that picture of you. 

It was the first time he had invited you to stay over at his place, and you were so nervous of him seeing you first thing in the morning with your hair all messed up, no make up and puffy sleepy eyes, since you had just started dating. But you were surprised when you felt like home with him, you felt so comfortable and confident with Ben by your side. 

You remembered his attempt at bringing you breakfast to bed and how he accidentally spilled coffee all over the bed sheets. He was embarrassed but once he saw you burst out laughing he smiled. 

“I’ll go look for something to clean this mess,” Ben said between laughs, “you stay here and enjoy the waffles I made for you.”

You were snuggled in bed eating the surprisingly delicious waffles Ben had made that you didn’t notice him walk into the room with his phone on his hand already taking a picture of you.  

“Beautiful.” Ben smiled at his phone.

“Did you just take a picture of me looking like this?” You asked, making your way towards him.

“Maybe.” He mumbled and showed you the picture.

“I look like a mess!” You complained as you stared at the picture. 

“A beautiful mess perhaps.” He said and kissed you softly on your cheek.

It wasn’t until you tasted a little blood when you realized how hard you had been biting your lip. 

“It’s still on of my favorite pictures of you.” Ben’s voice made you turn to look at him. 

He had barely said a word tonight, so it surprised you when he broke the silence.

But this time you didn’t say anything back, you just took one last look at the picture and opened the door to leave.

You felt the tears fall down rapidly once you closed the door behind your back. All you could think about was how Ben’s place had always felt like home, and how he always told you it was. But tonight it didn’t feel like it anymore, it felt far from home and you just wanted to get away from here.

Once you were in your apartment, you decided to light all the candles in your room and play soft music before letting it all out. 

You screamed and cried like never before, you choked on your tears and could feel your chest hurt from all the pain and crying. Your eyes ached and your head couldn’t stop pounding. 

When you stared at yourself in the mirror, you felt like crying even more. The sight of you made you feel empty and vulnerable. Red, puffy eyes, flushed cheeks, bitten lips and messy hair. 

As you made your way to the kitchen for a glass of water, you caught a glimpse of Ben’s favorite cereal on the table. It was incredible how everything reminded you of him, how every single thing was somehow linked to him. 

You didn’t want to remember it, but the memories were too beautiful to be ignored.

“You need to try this cereal Y/N.” Ben said as he grabbed your hand and carried you through the aisle of cereals at the grocery store.

“You’re such a little kid.” You smiled at him.

Ben couldn’t stop smiling and his excitement for you to try his favorite cereal made your heart flutter.

The both of you loved going grocery shopping together, always pretending to be a married couple and drifting through every single aisle. Maybe you loved grocery shopping together because you always found out little details about each other, like how Ben used to have chocolate chip waffles every morning before going to school and how you’d always pick the new flavored coffee creamers.

After finishing your little adventure, the two of you would go home and cook dinner for each other with your new groceries, just like a married couple.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of your phone ringing and your heart skipped by the thought of Ben calling you. 

But it wasn’t him, it was one of your friends and you weren’t feeling like talking, so you turned off your phone and headed to your room.

You laid in bed wondering what went wrong and when exactly did it happen. You knew people fell out of love, but you never thought Ben would fall out of love with you. Maybe it was his busy schedule and how you barely saw each other anymore, maybe he had met a gorgeous actress or model with his newly gained fame or maybe he just didn’t want you anymore.

You wanted to sleep but you couldn’t, even though you felt extremely tired and drained. You thought maybe playing some music would soothe your mind and help you get some sleep, so you turned on your phone and turned off any notifications that would interrupt you and played music from your favorite playlist. 

You laughed when you heard the song that came up. How silly life is? You knew it would be better to change it, but when you felt yourself start smiling, you decided to let it keep playing.

As ‘Twist and Shout’ by The Beatles played, you softly hummed the song. 

“God I love this song!” You exclaimed and watched Ben wink at you.

“I somehow had this feeling it was one of your favorites.” He said as he held his hand out for you.

“You know me so well.” You smiled and grabbed his hand, standing up.

“Let’s dance!” Ben grabbed your other hand and playfully spun you around.

“I’m not good at dancing!” You laughed.

“That makes two of us then.” He dipped you as he dramatically sang the song.

The two of you were jumping and dancing around like fools, you’d never felt so free and alive before. 

You pretended to be performing for a big crowd and Ben would occasionally dip you again and plant a quick kiss on your lips, making you giggle everytime.

“What a workout.” You said, catching your breath and sitting down on the coach.

You couldn’t be more in love with Ben when you saw him stand in front of you to continue dancing and singing to you. He definitely wasn’t a good dancer at all but in your eyes, he was perfect. 

When the song was over, you noticed you were still smiling, completely ignoring the tears in your eyes that formed by the memories.

The fact that he had fallen out of love with you, didn’t change the fact that you were still in love with him. He was the love of your life after all. 

Those had been three years of your life with him and you had loved him every single day, and you still did. 

It was real for you, you have never loved anyone as much as you loved him, you never even thought it was possible to have such strong feelings for someone until you met him. 

But you knew you had to let him go, and you knew you would have to start by letting go of little things first, like how he would always call you first thing in the morning and how if you’d stay over at his place he would wake you up with light kisses on your neck, or how he would naturally stroke your cheek after hugging you.

You had to let go as much as you didn’t want to and as much as it would hurt, because he had already let go of you.  

-----------------------------------

- I don’t know about u but it hurt me to write this. I would absolutely LOVE if u guys told me your thoughts on this, hope u enjoyed reading and thank u so much for your support! sending love, L. - 

[benhardypout-archive]

this is not a love story… but a t r a g e d y . . .

[metaphorical-love-for-a-car]

Don’t Surrender-- Roger Taylor x Reader

Prompt; I’m in a bit of a mood and was listening to Surrender and this came about

Warnings; abuse, bit of language

Word Count; 2k

Notes; as someone who has been in an abusive situation, please know that if any of y’all need to talk, I'm always here for you

Your family was built on a rocky foundation. Your mother settled for your father, believing that she wasn’t going to get anything better in life. He wasn’t a great man. He tended to spend most of his time in bars or ‘at work.’ You never spent much time with him, choosing to stay close to your mother. Whenever your father would throw one of his fits, shouting and throwing things at the wall, she was your source of safety and stability. Your mother would whisk you away, murmuring comforts in your ear. She had a little flower garden planted in the backyard, and you spent a lot of time out there, reading or playing with your toys. 

If there was one good thing you could say about your father, it’s that he never hit you or your mother. Sure, there had been moments where he would roughly grab your arm or throw an empty beer bottle near your mother’s feet, but he never actually struck either one of you. Many times he would cuss and shout about how the two of you were tying him down and draining his bank accounts. You tried to remind yourself of the positive.

As you got older, you started asking your mother why she didn’t just leave him. She would quickly change the topic and cast worried glances over her shoulder. It didn’t take you long to realize that she was scared of how his reaction would be if she filed for a divorce. The years were tough on your mother, and the constant battle-zone that was your home started to wear her down. She became bitter and resentful, bottling up her emotions. In moments where she would normally be calm and reassuring, your mother would snap and yell at you. Then that evening, she would return in tears, apologizing for her behavior. You eventually became numb towards life at home and would retreat into a shell before setting foot inside.

You didn’t have the money to move out as quickly as you wanted to, but going to university was a godsend. It gave you an excuse to stay out as long as you wanted. There were times where your parents would interrogate you on where you had been all day, but you were used to their shouts and threats by then. 

You were spacing out again. You had leaned over to take a look through the microscope in order to see the cells of an onion root and was, apparently, just staring at it for quite some time. Your mind had wandered elsewhere, and you had honestly forgotten all about your current situation until you felt someone nudge your shoulder. Blinking rapidly, you pulled yourself away from the microscope and gave your lab partner a sheepish smile. He knit his brows together. “You alright?” Clearing your throat, you sat back down, jotting down a few notes.

“Yeah, yeah! I’m fine!” He gave you a disbelieving look. “Seriously, Roger, I’m alright.” Roger sighed, deciding not to press the subject any further. Even though you said you were okay, your expressions said otherwise. You were doing a good job, hiding behind a smile, but Roger was far too familiar with the faraway look in your eyes. 

Staring at your reflection, you rolled your shoulders in an attempt to remove some of your anxieties. Roger had invited you to come and watch one of his band’s performances. You initially declined the offer, but he practically begged you. Roger gave you the biggest puppy eyes, and you just couldn’t say no. You weren’t sure if it would be your scene. Roger, being ever the gentleman, reminded you that he would beat the shit out of anyone who made you uncomfortable. He was being a little too extreme for your taste, but it was the thought that counts. 

You got to the pub a little earlier than Roger had anticipated, but he didn’t mind. He ushered you to the van and introduced you to Brian and Tim. You seemed nervous but once more hid behind a soft smile. When you noticed Roger staring at your hands, which were slightly shaking, you stuffed them inside your pockets. Roger didn’t want to push you into talking about something you were uncomfortable with sharing, but it hurt his heart to see you suffering. 

While they set up their gear, you stayed near the little stage. You chewed your lip, mentally cursing yourself for agreeing to come. There were dozens of other students in the pub, all drinking and cutting up. You tried to swallow the lump in your throat as the smell of alcohol almost felt suffocating. Roger eyed you carefully from behind his drum kit. Your chest was heaving, and a thin layer of sweat had collected above your brows. Roger was about to approach you when someone accidentally dropped a shot glass. Your body went rigid, and your eyes widened ever so slightly. Next thing he knew, you were out the back door. Roger swore under his breath, running after you. 

He found you pacing around the back of the pub. You had one hand running through your hair, while the other was propped on your hip. You were having a debate with yourself-- stay and support your friend or run away, like you always did? That was something that your father always yelled at you about. Whenever things started to get rough at home, you would slip out and stay away until things had calmed down again. “You’re weak if you can’t stand a little yelling,” he would spit venomously

“(Y/N), what’s wrong, love?” Roger’s soft voice cut through your thoughts, grounding you back into reality. You stopped pacing when you noticed he was standing in front of you. 

“Nothing. I just... I’m just not feeling too well. I think I’m gonna go back home,” you stuttered out, wringing your hands. Roger pursed his lips. It was getting late, and he didn’t like the thought of you walking home alone. 

“I’ll walk you home, then.” Your eyes widened, and you quickly shook your head.

“No! I’ll be fine. I don’t live too far from here.”

“All the more reason for me to walk you home.” Your mind scrambled for an excuse. 

“What about your band?” He shrugged.

“What about them? They can wait a little longer, it’s not like we haven’t performed the same songs over and over again.” You swallowed thickly, nodding. 

The two of you fell into a steady pace. There was an uneasy silence. Roger was desperate to know what was bothering you so much, and you were trying to come up with a plan to prevent him from seeing your home. No, it wasn’t the sight of your home that you were worried about. You were worried about the possibility of bumping into your parents.

You let out a breath of relief. It looked like the house was empty, for all the lights were off. Roger gently placed a hand on your shoulder. His doe-eyes searched yours. “You know that you can talk to me, right? You’re more than just my lab partner.” You nodded and thanked him for walking you home. 

Roger stood on the curb, watching you hesitantly open the front door to your home. You hadn’t even gotten the chance to close the door behind yourself when your father started yelling at you for coming home so late at night. He was sitting in the living room with a beer in his hand and a cigarette in his mouth. Your mother had apparently gone to stay at a relative’s for the weekend, leaving you alone with your father. He needed to vent his anger, so he waited for you to get home. Roger clenched his fists, stepping closer to the house. He couldn’t make out what your father was saying to you, but he could catch a glimpse of the two of you through one of the windows. Your father was waving his hands, sloshing his drink around. You kept your head down and flinched every time one of his hands got too close for comfort. 

You stood there, unmoving. You couldn’t bring yourself to look outside. You didn’t want to know if Roger had seen or heard anything that was going on inside your home. When your father knocked over a lamp, you decided that enough was enough. You slipped out of the room and out of the back door as fast as your legs could carry you. The flower garden had always been your safe haven. Even after your mother gave up on it, you continued to care for each and every little blossom. There was one barren spot in the middle of the flowerbed where you would always try to hide when you were little. You laid down in the small patch of earth, choking back a sob. 

Roger watched you disappear from the room and go somewhere towards the back of the house. He dashed around the side of the house and eyed the picket fence that surrounded the small backyard. That’s when he heard your quiet cries. Without a moment’s hesitation, Roger climbed over the fence. 

You froze when you heard a bucket tumble over. Your father had never pursued you whenever you ran away, surely he wouldn’t have done so now? It wasn’t until you heard a couple of quiet swears that you realized who was in your garden. Sitting up, you spied Roger trying to set everything back up to its original place. You sniffled, rubbing your hands over your hair and face in order to make yourself look more presentable.”Rog, what’re you doing here?” Roger spun on his heel, and his heart broke into a million pieces at the sight of you. 

“I came to check up on you. Sorry about your... uh...” he trailed off, motioning towards your gardening supplies. You shook your head and waved him off. Roger picked his way through the patches of flowers and sat beside you. 

“How much did you see?” You avoided his gaze, and Roger pressed his lips into a thin line. 

“All of it.” Your lip quivered, so you bit your knuckle to keep yourself from crying. Humiliation washed over your body. Roger placed a gentle hand on your knee, rubbing soft circles with his thumb. You leaned into his touch. “Talk to me,” he whispered. 

“You wouldn’t understand.” You were making excuses again. In truth, you just didn’t want to burden him with your problems. Like your mother always said, things could be a lot worse. You kept reminding yourself that, but a voice in the back of your mind screamed that she was wrong. It begged you to confide in Roger. You needed someone in your life that you could trust.

“You’d be surprised.” Your brows knit together as you finally met his gaze. His eyes were glossy, much like your own. 

Roger told you about his family and how he knew what it was like to be so afraid in a place that’s supposed to be for happy memories. It didn’t take long before the two of you were in each other's arms, crying. You apologized multiple times for making him miss his performance, but he just whispered sweet nothings in your ear. 

The two of you laid in the garden for who knows how long. The moon was high in the sky, and Roger pointed out various constellations that he had picked up from conversations with Brian. He took your hand and held it over his chest. You kept staring at the sky, but Roger was focusing on you. “You don’t have to stay here and surrender to them, you know. I don’t have a big place, but I could make room. If you wanted to.” You turned your head to get a good look at him. He had a soft smile, despite the fact that his eyes were still puffy from crying. You never had too much to look forward to, but you were looking forward to this-- the possibilities with Roger. 

If you want to be added to my tag list, let me know!

Tag List; @mothermercuryy

[having-a-freddie-time]

save me

summary: Y/N is trying her hardest to get out of an abusive relationship without telling anyone. However, she can’t always hide the bruises, especially from her best friend since childhood, Ben Hardy. Once he finds out, he tries his best to help her out without her getting hurt.

warning: angst, mentions of physical/verbal abuse, blood, cussing, hospitals.

a/n: I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS LATE UPDATE. LIFE HAS BEEN HECTIC BUT I PROMISE I WILL UPDATE MORE THIS WEEK. also, hold on to your butts, this is one angsty chapter.

word count:

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The three of you had fallen asleep throughout the course of the night. You slept on your belly, sunk into the sofa. Gwil was sprawled out on the pallet of blankets. Ben was tangled up with Frankie on the love seat. The theme song of Grey's Antomy rang throughout the flat, the last thing y'all were watching.

You all had fell asleep, peacefully and quickly. Light snores spilled from your mouth, whereas Ben and Gwil sounded like a damn train station. You stirred in your groggy state, slowly awaking from your slumber due to the snoring. Eventually, you had opened your eyes, squinting as the sunlight poured through Ben's patio window. You sat up, hissing quietly at the stinging pain in your back. Oh how lovely.

You slowly stood up, careful to not make any noise and tiptoed to the kitchen. You tried to make some tea before the boys woke up but failed horribly. Both Ben and Gwil dragged their lifeless bodies into the kitchen, falling into the chairs at the dining table. They rest their sleepy heads on the table, patiently waiting for the boost they needed from the tea.

The kettle sang loudly, indicating that the water was done. You grabbed three tea cups, popping a tea bag in each. You filled the cups, poured a little honey in them and poured a little milk in yours. You carefully carried the tea to the table, setting it in front of their faces. They instantly sat up and took a huge gulp of the beverage.

Instantly regretting their decision, they both hissed as the hot beverage touched their tongues and the back of their throats.

"Careful, it's hot." You jokingly warned, blowing into your cup to cool it down. They rolled their eyes and followed suit in cooling the drinks down.

After morning tea and breakfast, the three of you laid on Ben's sofa, scrolling through Netflix to find something to watch. Gwil was sliding his thumb through Instagram, Ben's fingers tapped across the screen as he texted and you just sat there, fiddling your thumbs. You were afraid to check your phone, you had turned it off all night, not wanting to deal with Trevor.

"We should go do something today, instead of watching TV all day." You murmured as you eyed the two men. They looked up from their devices, looking at one another for approval.

"Why don't we go shopping?"

"I don't have money because I've literally avoided work for two weeks now."

"Nonsense, I'll pay."

"Nope, let's think of something else."

"We're going shopping, that's final. Gwil and I will help pay."

Gwil nodded in agreement, pulling himself from the couch. He reached a hand out for you, helping you up. Ben stood up to, stretching his arms out.

"I've got to shower before we go though."

"And me too. How about we all meet back here at say...four?"

You all nodded in agreement and grabbed all of your stuff. You grabbed your clothes from the previous day, shoving them in your purse. You cringed at the blood stained jumper.

"Just throw it in the bin, love." Ben whispered in your ear as he watched you.

You did so and finished grabbing all your items. You turned towards Gwil, a small smile on your lips. You had totally forgotten that Ben was your ride from yesterday.

"Will you give me a ride home?"

"Of course, Y/N." Gwil smiled and grabbed his keys.

"You can shower here, Y/N" Ben yelled from the kitchen.

"I've got to grab some different clothes, it'll be fine!"

"Fine!"

•••••••

You and Gwill walked to his car, both of you sliding in. Gwil knew where you lived so the car ride was pretty quick. Before you left, you checked snap map on Snapchat to see if Trevor was home. Luckily he wasn't, so it'd be easier for you to get ready. However, you were completely unaware of the "Ghost Mode" option on Snapchat.

Gwil pulled into the driveway, to your advantage, Trevor's car wasn't there. You absentmindedly blew out a sigh of relief at the site.

"Thanks again, Gwil."

"No problem, see you later!"

You waved goodbye and jumped out of his car. You walked up to your door, putting your key in and realizing it was unlocked. Strange. You shrugged it off because you could be forgetful at times or Trevor was too wasted to realize that he didnt lock the door.

You slipped inside and dropped your purse on the couch. The hous was silent, thankfully. You jogged upstairs and grabbed some clothes to wear later. As you were about to turn the shower on, you heard a familiar voice.

"You stupid bitch!"

You gulped at the sound and grabbed your phone. You didn't even realize that Ben had blown your phone up. So many text messages and missed calls filled up your notifications. You clicked on a notification and went wide eyed.

There was an article with a picture of you, Gwil, and Ben plastered on the front.

'Bohemian Rhapsody's Ben Hardy and Gwilym Lee leaving a cafe with an unknown woman?'

The picture was horrendous. Ben had his arm wrapped around your waist, protectively. Gwil was staring at you with what could have easily been mistaken for lust, but was the complete opposite.

To the public, it looked like the three of you were about to go fuck each other's brains out. When in reality, they were being protective of you and were quite worried for you.

"You dumb fucking whore. Didn't think I'd find out about your little fuck buddies?"

"It's not what it looks like!"

"Save it. I knew all along that you were a little slut!"

Trevor took a step closer to you, his hand latching onto your throat. You gagged and clawed at his hand, though he was complete unphased by your clawing.

"Stupid fucking bitch, that's what you are."

Trevor's nails dug into your skin before dropped you harshly against the ground. Not even a second later, you felt his foot collide with your stomach, then your chest, then your back and lastly, your face. You were a yelping and bawling mess.

Trevor didn't let up on his kicking spree. He kicked all over, slapped you into next week, and yelled so many profanities at you. Your vision was starting to go blurry, your hearing going in and out and your consciousness blacking out. The last thing you heard was Trevor's body falling against the floor. You looked up, seeing a familiar brunette yelling into his phone.

Not even 10 minutes later, your body was being lifted onto a gurney. You felt the prick of a needle in your arm, that was the least painful thing at this moment. You heard the clinking of handcuffs as you could see Trevor being pushed into the back of a police car. Your vision went in and out before it completely went out.

••••••••••••

Last thing you know, you were being rushed to the trauma hospital nearby. You could faintly hear the sirens ring loudly as the ambulance sped to the hospital. You felt it suddenly stopped and heard the doors slam open. Your body jerked as the gurney flew through the emergency doors.

A group of doctors and nurses piled into the trauma room as they began hooking you up to machines and providing you with oxygen. You felt yourself go in and out of consciousness and your vision going out completely.

Suddenly, you blacked out, the last thing you see is a nurse climbing on top of you, starting CPR. You could feel your body convulse to the charges of the defibrillator. You still didn't wake, you still could only see complete darkness.

Next thing you know, your eyelids are pried open as a bright light flashes your eyes. They were checking for any blown pupils, luckily tour eyes were fine. Though you were still unconscious.

You felt another huge shock riddle throughout your body, causing your eyes to jolt open and your lungs finally fill with air. Doctors sighed with relief and soon enough you were being rushed to surgery.

After what felt like an eternity, general surgeons removed your spleen which caused immense amount of internal bleeding. Neuro fixed your brain bleed. Lastly, cardio had successfully repaired your diaphragm.

You were now stable, blood pressure fine, neuro function fine and oxygen levels safe. You were still out of it due to the anesthesia. Doctors predicted a few hours before you would finally wake up.

Those few hours passed by agonizingly slow for Ben. Ben was your emergency contact. When he had gotten the call, he nearly got pulled over for how dangerously fast he drove to the hospital. He almost got detained for how pushy and rude he was being, trying his hardest to get to you.

He had spent the last 10 hours, waiting in anticipation for you to wake up. Gwil was there too, comforting Ben as much as he could, although he had to be questioned by police multiple times throughout the day and night. He had drove back to your house because you had left something in his car. When he pulled up, he spotted Trevor's car, instantly feeling unsettled. It was when he heard you screaming that caused him to barrel through the front door and sprint upstairs. He nearly beat the shit out of Trevor when he saw what he was doing to you. He punched Trevor square in the face, and thre him down to the ground. Trevor instantly was knocked out and vulnerable. He had been taken to a different hospital to get checked out. Only came back with a concussion and a pretty charge of domestic abuse, aggravated assault and many other things due to all the drugs they found on his person. Needless to say, he was gonna be locked up for a long time.

It was around 10:45 at night when your eyes fluttered open. You groaned in pain and whimpered as you tried to moved. You nearly gagged on the ventilator that you had been attached to.

Smoothly, the nurse removed the ventilator from your mouth, causing you to gag once again. She replaced it with oxygen hooked up to your nose.

"Well look who's finally awake." She announced loudly, causing Ben to stir around and finally wake up.

He almost shot the nurse a death stare before he realized what she was doing. His head snapped towards you, tears instantly pouring from his eyes.

"Oh my gosh, Y/N. You're awake." He cried out, carefully reaching his hand out to yours. His fingers brushed against the back of your hand. He was so afraid to touch you, which kind of melted your heart.

"Ben..." You whispered, your voice hoarse.

"It's recommended to not speak for a little while after being taken off of a ventilator, so just drink a lot of water and rest tour throat."

You simply nodded, furrowing your brows as you finally felt the pounding headache coursing throughout your whole head. You forgotten the fact that you bad three major surgeries in one day. Spleen removed, diaphragm repaired and brain bleeds under control.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I knew I shouldn't have let you go. I hate that this happened to you. You didn't deserve any of this. God, I am so sorry." Ben choked out between sobs. It broke your heart to see him like this. You felt guilty, guilty because you left him in the dark for so long. Guilty because you were too scared to tell him in the first place. Tears began to slide down your face, stinging as they reached the open cuts on your lips.

You were so battered and bruised. From head to to, you had some kind of mark on you. You looked at your body, shaking at the thought of what happened to you. Your arm was in a sleeve, he had dislocated your shoulder and obliterated your wrist. You would need to have surgery next week with an orthopedic surgeon.

You were long ways away from recovery.

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tag list:

@benhardyisdaddy @monochromedeacon @queenbbarnes @haileylansley @shesakillerquueennn @onexlittlespark @zcars777 @loveandbeloved71 @beatlezrcool @likeit-or-leaveit

perm tag list:

@benhardyisdaddy @haileylansley @queenbbarnes @beatlezrcool

[taylorroger-s]

Sad-boy-hours™️ with Ben or Rog something about being apart maybe travel? Idek

ooo okay lemme think… choosing ben for this. let’s pretend he went on the borhap press tour or something

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three goddamn months. it certainly wasn’t the longest ben had been away, but that didn’t make it any less painful. 

when you first started dating him leaving felt like a death sentence, an end to your relationship. you had made it clear that he shouldn’t have felt tied down by you, no matter how much it hurt. 

but he came back, right to you. time and time again. five years and a wedding later, watching him leave still hurt.

he spent the night before the press tour holding you close, whispering soft words in your ear long after you had fallen asleep. ben would watch you rhythmically breathing as the moonlight cast shadows on your face, shifting with the time. he wanted to stay locked in that moment forever, but soon the dark was broken with soft rays of dawn and you stirred, dread rising when you realized he was leaving in mere hours.

you shifted over, tangled in ben’s arms, until you could watch him as he lazily traced patterns on the soft skin of your arms and stomach. his eyes were bloodshot and puffy.

“ben, what’s wrong?” you murmured, placing your hand on his cheek. his eyes followed your movements as you gently wiped away his tears with your thumb. his hand came up and covered yours, pulling it away so his fingers could lace together with yours. 

“just don’t want to leave. never have, never will.” his voice was low and mellow, just loud enough for only you to hear. those little moments right after waking but before actually working were the ones both of you tried to prolong, keeping them close to your heart. those moments were for no one else. 

“i know baby. but i’m still gonna be right here waiting. always have, always will.” 

“what if i miss it?”

“don’t. let’s not think about that right now. i just want you to hold me.” he nodded, slowly pulling you closer to him. you shifted so your back was pressed to his chest. one of his hands was still clasped with yours, arm coming under your neck to reach you. his other hand slipped down to your abdomen, fingers splaying across the swollen skin. nearly six months had passed since you took one fateful test, and now you were that much closer to meeting your daughter. 

“can’t wait to meet our little bean.” ben whispered right by your ear, nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck. three months was a while to be away when something like the birth of your first child was incoming. but you had all the faith in the world that he would return in time

“and you will be right there when she arrives”

“i love you mrs. jones”

“i love you too benny.”

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this ended up pretty fluffy but also where can i find me a ben hardy

[anxiouslymalicious]

Until we meet again.

Pairing: Ben Hardy x (fem) Reader

Summary: A continuation of "Until we’re old and grey” in which Ben won’t keep his promises.

Word Count: 2221 

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, hurt and heartache, potentially slightly angsty

A/N: I planned for this to be a lot different, but while I was writing, I just couldn’t go any other way, sorry! 

It had been months since your talk with Ben. You had actively tried to change a few of the things you two talked about, but for the most part, you tried to accept your flaws. Your newfound confidence had also spread online. After posting several pictures together, Ben’s fans became less vicious to you, some of them accepted that they couldn’t change your feelings for each other, others were quieted down by his community.

Over the past months, Ben had been doing a lot of work that was more local to your home in London. At times, you could even join him on set and appear as an extra in the movie. Either way, you were glad that you got to spend more time with your boyfriend. Or that’s what you thought.

It was late at night, something around 2am and you were in a hazy state. Sleep tried to take hold of you, but you tried to resist. The episode of Brooklyn 99 that was running in the background was long abandoned, though and you were fighting to keep your eyes open. You had gotten up way too early that morning so you could join Ben on his run before you got ready for work, but you had to stop and go back home after only half the route Ben had in mind. It was too much for you and you were exhausted. Normally, you two wouldn’t run that far, which confused you, but you simply decided that he was overly enthusiastic that morning. When you came home, you took a quick shower before making a quick breakfast for both of you. You were hoping to catch Ben before leaving for work, but you didn’t. You left him a quick note, telling him that you prepared breakfast for him which was on a plate in the fridge, that you loved him and couldn’t wait to see him again that evening.

But you didn’t.

You fell asleep not long after you had started another episode on Netflix, still waiting for the familiar sound of his keys unlocking the door, the tapping of his feet as he sneaked inside, desperately trying not to wake you up or the quiet ‘good night, princess’ that he would whisper when he finally got into bed and wrapped his tired arms around your only half asleep body.

But it never came.

The next morning, you figured out that he had gone to the gym for several hours again before crashing on the couch. You decided against waking him, letting him sleep for a bit longer while you made breakfast. Frankie suddenly started barking happily and you assumed that Ben must have woken up and greeted her with a huge hug.

“I’m going for a run with Frankie. See you later, love.”, Ben said, leaving the flat before you could even get a word out. You only saw Ben again that Saturday when he returned to bring Frankie home and grab his gym back. In the evening, he grabbed an apple for dinner and left. According to him, he would hang out with a few friends. On his Instagram, you watched him downing drink after drink with some of his co-stars. All of them were really buff, huge men with more muscles than you thought were pretty. But to each their own.

Your eyebrows furrowed with worries about your boyfriend. And so, you decided to address it. The only problem was that you didn’t know when he would be home next. You spent your Saturday night cuddling with Frankie, desperately trying to stay up once more, but failing. At some point, you retreated and went to sleep in your bedroom. Your heart broke. Over the past years of your relationship, neither of you had ever pushed the other away like this. Especially Ben. He was never one to talk too much about his feelings, but he did curl up by your side and have you talk to him about your day. Usually, Frankie would try to push her way in between you two and get the affection she wanted.

You missed those moments. Those sincere moments. Like the one you two had when you talked about your insecurities. He was so supporting of you at that time and your relationship seemed like it reached a new high at that point, but now it felt like you two had never hit a low like this one. Probably because you hadn’t.

“It’s alright.”, you whispered to yourself as you curled up under the blankets, once more feeling alone and lonely. “Every relationship has its ups and downs. He’ll come around.”

It wasn’t long until Frankie curled up beside you, on Ben’s side of the bed. She was whimpering. Your heart felt like it had officially sunken into your stomach, the feeling unbearable. Frankie was like a furry little daughter to Ben and yourself, she meant the world to you and you hadn’t thought about how this whole situation might affect her.

“Shh, baby. It’ll be alright. Benny will come back to us. I’ll talk to him in the morning.”, you whispered to the dog, your back to the door as you petted her, trying to calm her down as much as possible.

You never noticed Ben standing around the corner, listening in on you breaking down, talking about your fears and sorrows to his beloved dog. He felt a lump in his throat, silent tears rolled down his cheek before he even noticed them forming in his eyes. Ben’s body was pressed tightly against the wall behind him, his hands curling into a ball. He didn’t know how he felt. He was mad. Mad at himself because he hurt the two most important beings in his life. But he was also mad at you because you were not talking to him. He almost felt betrayed, you asked him to talk to you and now you were the one with a problem and didn’t talk.

Ben also felt sad because he let it come this far. He never intended for his excessive workouts to have this kind of an effect on you. He never wanted for them to have any effect on you. It was just that he felt insecure.

Ben bit his lip and, in his tipsy state, sneaked back out of the door. On his way out, he called Gwil, asking if he could crash at his.

The next morning, you woke up to Frankie impatiently and nervously hopping about the bed, softly trying to wake you up. You groaned at the sunlight flooding your room and looked at the dog. Confusion marked your face as you looked from Frankie to the still empty side of the bed that belonged to Ben. A sigh escaped your lips as you concluded that he hadn’t come home at all last night. Your insecurities made your heart feel heavy as you put on some sweats and a sweatshirt that you deemed fitting to go for a walk with Frankie. It was a sweet, short walk, but you didn’t feel nearly as energised as you usually did afterwards. It was quite the opposite, really. You were almost dreading going back home, your fear of not meeting Ben there was too much. Maybe you were a little scared of actually meeting Ben there, too.

You were afraid that he might have found someone new.

Someone who was prettier than you.

Someone better than you.

You tried to shake off those negative thoughts and walked up to your shared flat. As you opened the door, you didn’t expect for Ben to be home. But he was.

“Ben, baby? How are you?”, you asked carefully. To him, you sounded almost like you were afraid he might disappear or run off like a deer if you moved too fast or asked the wrong questions. It hurt seeing Ben like that. He looked like hell. He had dark shadows under his eyes, his lips were chapped from biting onto them all the time. He had stubble growing on his face and his hair looked flat and it was unkempt. Ben looked almost lifeless.

“Y/N, we need to talk.”, he croaked. You only now noticed that his eyes were red and bloodshot, he had probably been crying for quite a while. You had to swallow a lump in your throat as you looked at his current state.

“Yeah, alright. I’ve been wanting to talk to you, love. Is everything alright?”, you asked as you sat down on the couch beside him, with your knees touching his. Your hand landed on his thigh, trying to provide him a little comfort. Ben moved a bit away, the sudden movement hurting you just as much as it confused you.

“Y/N, I think we need a break.”, he said, his elbows resting on his thighs as his face sank to his hands. He couldn’t even look at you.

“What? Why do you think so? Did I do something- “

“Goddamn it, Y/N. It’s not always about you. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t support me with what I am doing.”, Ben angrily interrupted you, his eyes glued to the ground as a fresh wave of tears filled his eyes.

“What are you talking about, Ben? When have I not supported you?”, you asked, growing irritated yourself. Over the past years, you had dedicated your life to that man. Getting up earlier in the morning to prepare breakfast for him, cooking dinner not only for you, but also for him, walking with Frankie, keeping the flat clean and keeping your shared finances in check were only a few of the things you had been doing over the past months. Your blood was boiling and you knew that it was only a matter of minutes, if not seconds until a wave of sadness was going to hit you.

“I heard you last night!”, he got up from his seat on the couch and started pacing around the room. “I heard what you said to Frankie. If you’re doing that bad, then what are you still doing here? Why won’t you just leave?” Ben’s back was to you, his hands balled to fists by his side, his body tense.

“I will not leave because I love you, Ben. And this is not you talking. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I am here for you.”, you tried your best to stay calm, your voice quivering and much softer than it had been just seconds earlier. You were not about to give up on this relationship.

“Nothing is going on. You have just become unbearable. I’ve got a lot going on and don’t need a clingy, insecure little girl to hold me back. And now please leave, Y/N,” Ben’s words stung. Not only you, but him. He didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t want to do that. But he let his insecurities win. He wanted to take his own words back, he really did, but he couldn’t.

Hot tears fell down your cheeks and you desperately wanted to scream. You wanted to scream and feel Ben’s arms around you, telling you that he didn’t mean it.

He didn’t.

You walked to face him and tried to look into his eyes, but he never raised his gaze from the ground. He couldn’t.

You wrapped your arms around your own body tightly, trying to find something to hold on. Quickly, you turned around and walked towards the door, not even bothering to pack some clothes. All you needed was still in the pouch of your sweatshirt. Phone, wallet, keys.

“Until we meet again.”, you whispered. Your voice was hoarse and a painful sob pushed its way through your lips against your will. Ben was confused for a moment before he finally registered what you meant.

“What?”, he asked, his own voice sounding strained.

“It’s not until we’re old and grey. Our love lasted until we met again at this rocky road. And now you’re leaving me standing in the rain. But I want you to know that I will always have a special place in my heart for you.”, you pressed out before leaving behind the man you called your home.

“Until we meet again.”, Ben whispered, his heart broken, his love gone. His insecurities and fears had won. She would now meet someone who had more time for her. She would now find someone who was better looking than him. She would now learn to love a man who was better for her than him. Someone who would not let his fears of losing the woman he loved so much take over him. Someone who would not break up with her to give her the chance of meeting someone better, but someone who was the perfect man for her.

What Ben always failed to realise was that he was that, despite all his imperfections, he was that perfect man for her.

The blonde man stepped to the door, leaning his hand against the cold wood. His knees buckled, then gave in. He let his body drop, leaned his head against the door and cried. Occasionally, pained sobs ripped through his body.

Not even Frankie, who gently leaned against him, could help him ease the pain.

That was truly an extraordinary morning.

[zwiezraczek]

More fluffy angst with Billy coming here! (Maybe this could be a part 3. Wow, soon we have a whole story here 😂) She/Her Billy 7 Y/N got enough of this ghost life. She couldn't see the people she cared about get hurt any longer. And so she planned to "die" - again.

To My Dearest Love P.S. I Shouldn’t Die [Blurb] 

Warning: mention of wanting to commit suicide

Part of the 🐼 Requests: Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

7. “No please, love, don’t do that!” // You are fed up with your ghost life, and you want to end it all

~~~

“Dear Four,

I still don’t know your name, and you still don’t know mine. But at the end, this doesn’t really matter, because I love you as much knowing your name or not.

You were my anchor during the past years when I became a Ghost, a nobody, but somebody meaningful to the world, somebody who was able to save the world with her crew, somebody worthy. A somebody meaningful to you, my love. And I cherish all these moments we spent together, from the very start when you saved me, including my first “death” anniversary, to yesterday evening when you prepared me a pizza and cuddled me to sleep. You were my everything, you are my everything Four, but I just can't keep going like this.

You soothed every pain with a word, with a hug, and a kiss, but I never healed from losing my parents. You told me countless times that what I did was the right thing for me, but was it for them? I was selfish Four, and God knows that I still am. And I am a coward, fleeing from getting hurt, fleeing from any problem, unlike you, my love. You are the bravest person I know on this Earth, and I hope you'll still remain.

When you will read this letter, I’ll be damn far from you my love, but don’t worry about me: a coward stays a coward. But if you wish me luck, I’ll be able to truly accomplish what I intended to do, but now, without your help, because I know I can do this on my own. Nobody waiting for me in the river, just me, my clumsiness, and the water. Just me and my destiny.

I feel the urge to apologize to you, because I couldn’t bear anymore to see the people I love suffering because of me, I made my parents suffer, and I will make you suffer with all of this. I love you, I love you so much that this verb itself can’t express how much my heart aches when I’m writing these words to you, how much I regret that I won’t ever be able to wake up next to you after a nightmare, or hear your beautiful laugh. I’ll miss your touch, your gentle kiss, your tender love. I’ll miss you Four, I already do. I’m so sorry for letting you down, but… I just can’t do this anymore love, I just cant, I’m not strong enough no matter how many times you tell me I am, how many timesI tell myself that I am. I am not strong enough. But I love you more than I love my life.

I disappointed you all, I am a failure, One should have shot me on that day. But he didn’t. He allowed me to meet my angel, to meet you Four, and I managed to screw the things up, again. Tell them that I’m so sorry about letting you down, all of you, Ghosts: you were family to me, and what I do the best is making my family suffer. Tell them I'm sorry.

Four, I love you. I never loved so much before, I never felt loved before and I’m grateful for meeting you. Don’t cry my love, please, don’t cry, I hope I’m in a better place and so are you.

Forever yours,

Y/N”

His hands were shaking as he held the moist paper, from tears, from yours, from his. He couldn’t believe how stupid he was for not noticing what you were planing for weeksn maybe months. But he did, he did notice; he noticed how your smile softened everytime he called you love and told you that he hoped you’d grow old together as this couple in the tv show, he noticed how lovely you were with the whole crew and how caring you seemed to be. He noticed these changes, and hoped it meant that you began to heal, that you began to feel “alive” among Ghosts after all these years. But he was wrong, terribly wrong. And probably too late. Every word you underlined, every word you wrote, your last words to him, these were your last words to him and he couldn’t believe he was about to lose you, for real.

He shook his head abruptly. He had to come and tell you everything, he had to find you before you… He had to find you. So he put his jacket on, ran towards the first car the Ghosts had and began to drive, as fast as he could. Because he knew.

~~~

You looked down, pretty damn low. Pretty damn scary. This dam was higher than you expected, and than it was when Four brought you here to show you the falls they made, during a night full of stars, bringing some beers along and some snacks. You rested your head on his lap, as he stroked your hair while reminding you how lucky he felt for finding you in his afterlife. Maybe he wasn’t that lucky after all…

You swallowed hard. The Ghosts… Your parents… Four… Why anything you did lead to suffering? Why? But you had to end with this, as soon as possible. Before your thoughts could catch you again, as they did for the past two hours. Two long hours wandering on the edge of the dam. First, your parents and their watery eyes, your mother unable to cook your favorite meal without tearing up and your father crying as your favorite song came upon the radio. Then, Four. Your angel. Your savior. Your everything. You had to hurt him too, the last person who cared about you. You had to hurt him. Everything became blurry as your eyes filled with tears. Four… You hoped he would be fine, that the Ghost would take care of him, especially Seven.

You collected yourself – again. A small step, just one tiny small step and…

“Y/N,” you heard behind your back and suddenly turned around. You went paler than a ghost when you saw Four, coming out of one of the cars the crew owned, running towards you.

“Don’t,” you yelled back, making another step towards the edge as he slowed down. “You… I made my decision Four,” you said, having a limp in your throat, “you can’t change it.”

“No please, love, don’t do that!” You could feel his voice cracking, see his pained face and the tears, you never saw so many tears running down his face as now. And you couldn’t help yourself but begin to cry too. “I love you, y/n, I know this isn’t much, I know I… I’m a thief, I was a thief, a was a nobody, nobody cared about me and I have nothing to offer but… I love you,” he sobbed, between his muddled words. “I will never love anyone more than you, I can’t lose you, y/n, I can’t lose you!”

“I… I… I…,” you whispered, holding back your tears, biting your sleeve.

“I’m Billy, and I can’t lose you, I can’t lose the person who gave me faith in life, I can’t let you do that… I promise you, we will make you happy, together, I will try my best to bringhappiness into your life everyday, we will figure every thing out, together, as a team, as a couple… But for the love of God, or for any fuck’s sake, don’t leave me alone,” he begged, now crying completely as he fell on his knees.

“B-Billy,” you said weakly coming closer to him, not being able to see him suffer this much, “I love you too, I love you so much but I’m the one paining you, I’m hurting you and hurting my parents… I can’t be the…”

“You’re not,” he cut you off brutally, his eyes burning as he caught your hands in his, “you are the most wonderful person I know, y/n, nobody gave me so much love. To a thief, y/n, you gave your heart to a thief, without any fear. You could have abandoned me, or told me to fuck off but you didn’t. You saved me, so let me save you, please,” he finished, kissing your knuckles as he spoke and you could barely see his face through the tearscurtains.

“I… I’m so sorry,” you cried out, falling on your knees too, hugging him, crying, sobbing, hiccuping, trying to catch your breath. “I’m so sorry Billy, I’m so stupid I’m… I’m…”

“Love, please… Love,” he whispered into your ear, caressing the top of your head, “please, never leave me again. Please.”

“I won’t,” you promised, “I won’t.”

He kissed your forehead, holding your face under your chin, he kissed your cheeks, your eyes, your lips. He didn’t want to let you go, fearing he would lose you, forever again as he thought during the whole ride, his heart racing as his foot went down. He thought he lost you, forever. He couldn’t forgive himself for letting you go, but now, he would do anything to make you feel better, anything.

“I love you, y/n, I love you so much,” he whispered again, as if it wasn’t enough, because it never was.

“I love you too Billy, I love you,” you replied, softly sobbing as he kissed you again. “I will never stop loving you.”

[hearts-hunger]

Stairwell ✧ Ben Hardy x Reader

Summary: When the fire alarm goes off in her dorm, reader has a panic attack in the stairwell and does the only thing she can think of to calm her down. When he hears her on the phone, Ben drops everything to come get her.

Pairings: Ben Hardy x reader // college au

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Panic attack, swearing

A/N: I was inspired to write this after very nearly having a panic attack in the same situation today, so it’s pretty angsty. But of course Ben is the sweetest and most chivalrous boyfriend ever, so it all ends up ok. Enjoy! ♡

Attention. There is an emergency situation on your floor. Please proceed to the stairwell or the nearest exit.

You nearly jumped out of your skin at the shriek of the fire alarm, followed by the robotic female voice that seemed to come from nowhere. You immediately felt your heart rate skyrocket - even though it was most likely just a drill, the swelling sound of the alarm made your stomach roll with anxiety. You stood from your desk and grabbed your keys and phone, hurrying out of your room. You came out of the room the same time that your suitemate came out of hers, nearly crashing into each other.

“This is so annoying,” she grumbled. You didn’t answer, overly aware of the sirens and the slamming of doors all down your hall. You followed her out the door of your apartment and to the stairwell, immediately met by the pounding of footsteps on floors above and below you echoing against the cinder block walls. You sucked in a breath as you started down the fifteen flights of stairs to the ground floor, suddenly realizing that you hadn’t grabbed shoes. The cold of the cement stairs seeped through your socks as you grabbed onto the railing, hugging the wall as you made your way down.

The siren continued to wail as people crowded the stairwell, their voices mixing with the sound of their footsteps and ringing even louder in your head. Between the noise and the bodies, the narrow, steep stairwell quickly drove you to panic. You looked at the number on the landing door - you still had thirteen floors to go before you could get out of here. You felt your chest tighten.

A group of people burst through the door on floor twelve, one of them nearly making you fall as he pushed past you in his haste. You tried to steady yourself; the moment you stopped making your way downwards, the flood of people pushed you to the wall and wouldn’t let you back in. You tried to keep going; everything was so fast and so loud, and you wanted nothing more than to get out of this stairwell that seemed tighter and tighter every passing minute. Your hands started to shake as you gripped the railing with white knuckles, unable to move forward or backwards. You were stuck.

You did the only thing you could think of to try and calm you down. Your fingers trembled as you called your boyfriend, pressing your phone to your ear and trying to make yourself as small as possible in the wave of bodies passing by you.

“Hello?”

Your breath came in a sob, tears coming at the sound of his voice. “Ben, it’s me.”

“Where are you, love?” you heard him say. “It’s really loud.”

“There’s a fire alarm,” you said, your voice ragged. “I can’t get out, there’s too many people - ”

“I really can’t hear you, sweetheart,” he said, worry coloring his voice. “Are you ok? Where are you?”

“I’m in the stairwell of my dorm,” you told him, struggling to raise your voice above the noise. You tried to inhale and felt as if a weight were on your chest. “Ben, please, baby, I want to get out.”

“The stairwell?” he repeated, confused. “What - oh, shit, is it a fire drill?”

“Yes,” you sobbed. “I can’t - it’s really loud - I can’t get out. Please help me.”

“Okay, sweetheart,” he said, his voice soothing even as it was sharp with worry. “I’m on my way. I’m coming right now.”

“Please hurry,” you begged. You noticed your fingers felt numb.

“I am,” he told you. “Deep breaths, love. Are you coming downstairs, or - ?”

“I can’t.” You’d only made it a few steps before panic seized you again, making you unable to go any further.

Attention. There is an emergency situation on your floor.

“What was that?” you heard Ben ask, thinking you had said something.

You didn’t answer, the metallic voice ringing in your ears. You felt lightheaded and sank to the floor, sitting on one of the steps and pressing as close to the wall as you could, the stampede thundering by you.

“What floor are you on, love?” he asked. His voice sounded far away.

You breath came in gasps between the sobs that wracked you mercilessly. “I don’t know, please hurry, Ben, I can’t breathe, I - ”

“Focus on my voice, sweetheart,” he said. “Can you do that for me? Try and block out everything else and focus on my voice.”

“I’m t-trying,” you said. Your own voice sounded muffled to you.

“Good girl,” he said. “It’s ok. You’re ok. Keep breathing, love.”

Over the overwhelming sounds around you, you heard another voice through the phone. Ben was talking to someone else, his tone angry.

“My girl’s up there,” he said away from the phone. “Please, she’s got a panic disorder, I have to go get her.”

After a second you heard him come back to you. “Ok, love, I’m on my way up.” You could hear the fire alarm through the phone now as well, and it made him nearly impossible to hear. He said something but it was lost in the cacophony.

“Ben?” you asked desperately. “Ben, are you there?”

He didn’t answer; you pressed your sleeve to your mouth, tears spilling down your cheeks as your whole body shook with fear. You knew Ben was coming but you could barely breathe, your heart beating painfully in your chest.

You opened your eyes when you heard a scuffle on the floor below you, different from the steady drum of footsteps in their downward march.

“Hey, watch it, mate!” came Ben’s unmistakable baritone, strained and fearful. A second later, Ben rounded the corner of the stairwell.

“Ben,” you sobbed, grabbing hold of him as soon as he was close enough. He muscled his way through the current of bodies to get to you, taking your hand in his.

“Come on, love,” he said, squeezing your hand. His chest rose and fell with his heavy breaths, tired out from running up twelve flights of stairs; his blonde curls were dark with sweat. “I’ve got you.”

Latching onto his grip like a lifeline, you followed him down the stairs, tucked safely behind him as his broad shoulders naturally parted the sea of people. He didn’t let go of you, checking back every few flights to make sure you were ok. You held onto the hem of his shirt with your free hand as he led you.

When you finally came through the door on the ground floor, he quickly pulled you outside and away from the mass of people that had gathered just around your building. His hands hovered close to you, not touching, afraid of doing something to make it worse. He studied you face, worry etched in his own.

“You’re ok,” he said breathlessly. “You’re out. What can I do to help you?”

Your expression crumpled as you started to cry again, relief and residual fear crashing through you. You went into his arms, burying your face in his chest; seeing you wanted closeness instead of space, he immediately wrapped his arms around you and held you tight.

“Ok, love, it’s ok,” he soothed, running a hand up and down your back. “I’m right here. You’re ok.”

You couldn’t stop shaking, pressing as closely against him as you could. He was warm and steady, protecting you from everything that threatened to make you crumble.

“Breathe for me, love,” he said gently. “Take a deep breath.”

You tried to do as he said, your inhale hitched by sobs. “I’m sorry, Ben.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, sweetheart,” he said. “I’m glad you called me.”

“I hate that I have to call you for things like this,” you said miserably. “I wish I could deal with it alone.”

He sighed. “I know,” he said. “I know you do, but you don’t have to.”

He pulled back a little and searched your face, his green eyes kind and concerned. “You did really well calling me and asking for help.”

You felt a wash of shame, feeling that you were more of a coward than anything. You should have been able to handle it by yourself. He shouldn’t have to go through all this trouble for you.

“Because I couldn’t do it by myself,” you said softly, tears running down your cheeks.

He put his hand to your face, catching your tears as he brushed his thumb over your cheek. “No, love,” he said gently. “Because you didn’t let your fear control you. You knew you needed help and you asked for it. That takes a lot of strength, especially in the middle of a panic attack.”

You leaned into his touch. “Thank you for coming for me.”

“Of course, love,” he said gently. “Anytime.”

He pulled you close again and you leaned against him, finding comfort in his steadiness. He was your home, your safety; he had dropped everything to come rescue you, and he would move heaven and earth to be there when you needed him.

“I love you,” you said, desperate for him to know how deeply you meant it.

He rested his head against yours and tucked your hair behind you ear, his touch gentle and full of tenderness.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” he said. “More than you know.”