#angst mcangst

[okamirayne]

Still I Hear You Say…

Art by NYX

Really appreciate you giving me permission to go ahead and share this collab, NYX! It’s been a source of joy since 2023. You know how I feel! Thank you 😭

🥹😍💔❤️‍🩹 Kudos to NYX for turning a telepathic dialogue between these two into this gorgeous piece 😭 Respectfully (as promised) trying to contain myself 🫠🥹

Kōni means pixie / imp (and was Naoki’s nickname for Karibi)

🎶 Song inspo for these two (and Genma) Never Too Late by Three Days Grace

“Even if I say, "It'll be all right" / Still I hear you say, you want to end your life / Now and again we try to just stay alive/ Maybe we'll turn it all around, 'cause it's not too late, it's never too late.” 💔

Full Lyrics below

This world will never be what I expected

And if I don't belong, who would have guessed it?

I will not leave alone everything that I own

To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late

Even if I say, "It'll be all right"

Still I hear you say, you want to end your life

Now and again we try to just stay alive

Maybe we'll turn it all around, 'cause it's not too late, it's never too late

No one will ever see this side reflected

And if there's something wrong, who would have guessed it?

And I have left alone everything that I own

To make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late

Even if I say, "It'll be all right"

Still I hear you say, you want to end your life

Now and again we try to just stay alive

Maybe we'll turn it all around, 'cause it's not too late, it's never too late

The world we knew won't come back

The time we've lost can't get back

The life we had won't be ours again

This world will never be what I expected

And if I don't belong

Even if I say, "It'll be all right"

Still I hear you say, you want to end your life

Now and again we try to just stay alive

Maybe we'll turn it all around, 'cause it's not too late, it's never too late

Maybe we'll turn it all around 'cause it's not too late, it's never too late

It's not too late, it's never too late.

[fandomonetwo]

fear — steve harrington

▸summary: you expect people to do die with honour, with bravery, with courage. you died with fear. steve can't know.

▸characters: steve harrington x gn!reader, eddie munson, dustin henderson

▸tw: angst. like, really bad. it's an issue.

▸a/n: i don't actually know what goes on inside my brain. for some reason, i just really like angst.

LOVE HURT.

IT was something that multiple people agreed upon. Steve Harrington was one of them. 

The whole party had some semblance of loss somewhere in their hearts, but Steve… 

It just seemed like something was gunning for him, sucking the happiness one loss at a time. 

Steve had never before known what love could’ve been until he met you. There was always something about you that never seemed to leave him alone. Whether it was that stupid grin, the stupid hair, the stupid arms, the stupid hugs, the stupid sappy words. Everything that Steve missed out on was being passed onto him like he was a reject shop, which was what he felt like. You gave him love, gave him hope, gave him life even. 

Then you died. 

When Dustin and Eddie came back through the portal without you, Steve freaked out. When Dustin couldn’t scream the words without them catching in his throat, Steve begged him to keep them there. When Dustin said he wasn’t strong enough to carry you and Eddie was on his way to collapse, Steve screamed that he was. He was strong. He could do it. He could, he promised he could. With tears in his eyes and dirt on his face and his hand on his chest, he promised he could carry you back. With his knees on the ground and his voice lost in the wind, he promised he could. 

So he ripped himself up like he wanted to rip his heart out of his body, ignoring the cries and begs of the people behind him. He had never moved faster in his life than when he was climbing into that portal, throwing open the caravan door, sprinting to the figure that lay in the dust. His voice returned as he screeched, flailing his arms to rid the area of any of the bats that might have smelled the meat, the fresh kill. There were no bats flying. They had all dropped a while ago. He knelt next to the person he had recklessly given everything to, shaking your shoulders and begging you to wake up. He didn’t stop asking the favour, even when he claimed it was too cold for you here, dragging you body upright into a standing position. He didn’t stop asking even when he began walking, praying that your legs would move the same way. They left tracks in the dirt as they dragged. He didn’t stop begging even when he screamed at Nancy to pull you through. She could feel the toll that death had taken on you. The loss of muscle, the eerie stillness. Yet, Steve still didn’t stop begging even when he said that you were safe now. 

Wake up now. You can’t sleep here. You have to wake up.

Your eyes were open. 

There was no such thing as peace at that moment. Nobody was blessed with the grieving silence. Steve wouldn’t let that happen. He didn’t want it to be silent, not when you loved to make noise. Not when you would laugh at his lame jokes. He couldn’t be silent in his efforts to somehow make you wake up. 

Eddie sat on the ground, his back propped up against the wall. He stared straight ahead, his facial expression not changing even as there was a tear. Nancy and Robin didn’t even try forcing their faces still. They twisted and sobbed and cried no matter how hard they tried to stifle it. They didn’t want to add to Steve’s pain. Dustin was in worse shape. He didn’t know what to do. Does he hug Steve? Does he leave him alone? Does he cry? Does he stay strong? What does he do? So, he stands there. He stands there, and he cries, and Steve doesn’t see. He can’t see. The blurriness of his vision paired with the agonising pain in his brain and his heart just makes it so that he doesn’t see anything. He can’t even remember how they got your body to the hospital. 

Telling your parents sucked. Steve couldn’t actually do it. He stood at one of the tables, folding clothes for the people packed in the stadium, the ones that had their houses crushed in the ‘earthquake’. He stood there, and he looked horrible. He was pale. He had bags under his eyes. He was thin. His eyes were red and his nose was raw. He couldn’t even talk properly. His hands shook. His knees trembled when your parents walked over. 

Dustin had spoken to them. Told them how you died. Or, how you ‘died’. You were caught saving him and Eddie in the ‘earthquake’, and you had died. He chose to keep the fact that you had stood alone, surrounded by a swarm of bats after pushing Eddie out of the fray into Dustin’s arms. 

The funny thing was, you didn’t die from the wounds from the bats. You didn’t even sustain many. Sure, you had enough that it would’ve put you in serious danger, but it wasn’t the wounds that killed you. Dustin may have been a little delirious, but he didn’t imagine you clutching your chest and dropping like a sack of potatoes. He didn’t imagine the jerk your body made as you breath caught. He didn’t imagine you dying standing up. He may not have been a doctor, but he wasn’t stupid. He was a nerd, and nerds read. 

You had a heart attack. The fear had actually killed you. You had been scared to death. 

That wasn’t even the worst part. The worst part was when the bats began to swan dive straight onto you. That was the worst part. That was the part that got Dustin screaming himself awake at night. That was the part that pushed Dustin to drag Eddie away, away from you. You didn’t feel it, at least. Steve didn’t even know how you died. Dustin knew that if Steve knew, he’d actually go mental. So, he and Eddie swore never to tell anyone else. Not family, not the party, no-one. 

So when your mother came walking over to the Harrington boy, tears collecting in her eyes as she stretched her arms out, his knees finally gave out. He collapsed in her arms, filling her ears with never ending apologies. She shushed him, sobbing. Soon, your father joined the hug, and the three of them cried over your heroic sacrifice. 

Meanwhile, Dustin and Eddie looked on from opposite sides. They exchanged glances, and went back to their own work. They never had to know that your death was so out of place, that you died with that much fear. They never had to know that you had cried that you didn’t want to be there. They didn’t have to know that you had asked Eddie to take you home. They never had to know that you asked Dustin for one more hug. 

Love hurt, but they didn’t have to know how much worse it could get. 

They kept their mouths shut.

[alongwaytostar]

*Clears throat*

“ Bitches, bros, and non-binary hoes, we are gathered here today in haphhazard communion, to witness the condemnation of one Tay Mcangst shitty-slutty-ash-toobles-Pornmagazine. Tay, which is far too anglisized a name for a semitic revolutionary who exists as Russia’s worst nightmare given human form, proves we cannot all escape the allure of Taylor swift, deadly siren that she is.

This court comes to order, to flay open the plethora of crimes commited against readers and mutuals everywhere, by this menacing figure of “Shittygaypornmagazine” on the problematic and venerable tumblr dot com. (In painful tandem with the affects of certain works of fiction through Archive of our own dot org) To expose the psychic damage inflicted upon those at the mercy of Mr. Pornmagazine’s wordsmithing.

Throughout history, humanity has suffered at the hands of its brethren, and it is my humble opinion that the monopoly held by this “Tay” mimics those observed even in ancient times. “There was no rest left for the commons, and, as the last straw, they where now to be taxed. Poor creatures!-crawling home exhausted, mutilated, decrepit with age, they would find everything gone in their long absence to wrack and ruin.” (Livy, The early history of Rome, 5.10) Though this excerpt was taken from a history detailing the events of Roman history in the year 401 B.C.E, it also applies perfectly to the experience of following tumblr user Shittygaypornmagazine. Indeed the allegory of the ogligarchy relates quite well to the fanfiction experience at large. In this case, Tay has been charged as responsible for the emotional deprication of their readers, through use of merciless angst, nought but unfulfilled promises of fluff, and a considerably playful attitude towards the affair as a whole. For this reason, the formal prognosis for Tay’s crimes, has been to charge him with “Corruption of the youth.”

Now, it is duely acknowledged by the court, that another important figure of western antiquity, was charged with this same crime and kept his honor. Socrates, saying at the very end of his trial, “Now it is time that we were going, I to die and you to live, but which of us has the happier prospect is unknown to anyone but God.” (Plato: collected dialogues, Socrates’ defense (apology) 26)

Tay, though undoubtedly equally well spoken, will not share in Socrates’ mode of death. Hemlock is an unforgiving mistress and the courts have designed a much better instrument. Faithful companion to the accused, Yris Latteyi, has lovingly crafted a bright pink guillotine for the purpose of bringing their angst tormentor to justice. We thank you for your dedication, Yris.

With all the evidence presented, and only a few self important tangents committed by the writer of this piece, this court is hereby adjourned with the following conclusion; Tay Mcangst shitty-slutty-ash-toobles-Pornmagazine, is condemned forthwith to death by pink guillotine.

As a final homage to sir Pornmagazines influential nature on the fandom, though everything they didnt want is everything he was, we promise that we will sing about you.

@shittygaypornmagazine @yris-latteyi

*slams hammer on table* “Court adjourned, go home you hedonistic fucks.”

[sesshy380]

I love how with my current struggle chapter each starts out the same but after a certain break-point they all go a different direction. My choices for which one I think will work best for the overall story are essentially Angst, Heavy Angst 1, Heavy Angst 2, or Angsty McAngst.

(Yes, I have 4 different drafts of the same chapter atm)

(I've narrowed down the ones that might make it to final publish to Heavy Angst 1 and Heavy Angst 2)

(Angst and Angsty McAngst were more me just trying different routes with filler crap)

(atm I am leaning towards going back to the original Heavy Angst 1, because I can find a way to incorporate Heavy Angst 2 later)

[hockyeah]

[Synonym for Door] · Kleinsen

(a/n: @nyarki‘s soul is fueled by hate for innocent foods and kleinsen angst, so this is written for her and her dedication in fucking with me as i write)

word count: 2078

warnings: angst, drinking, jared is a useless gay

·······

“Evan, open up!” Jared knocked insistently at the locked door, “Evan, open the fuck up! I know you’re in there.”

It had been several days since he had seen Evan, which, in the past, may have been considered normal, but now, it was odd and rather out of place. Evan had been doing remarkably well, but alongside that, Jared had become extremely excluded, almost isolated from him. He was what, the treasurer of The Connor Project? Or the secretary? Hell, he couldn’t remember.

He did, however, remember that Evan, the only one who he had ever truly befriended, was somewhere behind this door that couldn’t be opened.

“Evan?” he tried again, jiggling the doorknob, “Evan, unlock your fucking door!” He didn’t want to break the lock- he doubted he possessed the strength- but he was considering it as an option. He listened closely, hearing something shift on the other side.

“No.” came a dejected reply. Jared sighed loudly, but was relieved. Evan was conscious, and in a good enough state to speak, even if he had only spoken to defy him. God, if only he was wrong enough to break through. He tried to recall something Alana had tried to teach him when she had done karate last year- he hadn’t listened, he could barely keep up. Maybe, if only he had listened and learned, maybe he could bust in heroically and rescue Evan from whatever pit he’d fallen into. Jared shook his head. He could barely lift his bookbag during finals, he doubted he could break a door.

“Open the hell up or I’m calling your mother.” Jared put an edge in his tone. It was a stretch: he didn’t know if Heidi would pick up, he didn’t know if she would do anything. Hell, he didn’t even know if he had her number, but it was worth trying anyway. Evan was silent for a minute, and Jared thought he had won, but another response came through the door.

“Please don’t come-” Evan paused, suppressing something- a hiccup maybe? “In.” His speech was unnaturally slurred, and Jared’s expression shifted to one of concern. Was Evan drunk? Jared’s mind began to race, concerned. He couldn't leave, but he also couldn’t get through the damn door.

“Evan, are you drunk?” Jared asked. A beat passed, and Jared took that as an answer. “Evan, I’m calling Heidi,” he took out his phone and scrolled through the contacts, “Evan, I have her number pulled up, and I’m going to press call if you don’t open the fuck up.” That was a lie: it turns out Jared did not have Heidi’s number and instead was bullshitting the entire thing. He hoped it worked, and he wouldn’t have to continue bluffing.

Jared was silent, straining his ears for a response. He heard feet shuffle through the wood of the door, getting closer and closer before pausing, right on the other side of the door. Jared heard a lock click, and sighed in relief. He wanted to force the door open before Evan could change his mind, but waited for the other to slowly twist the knob, not opening it yet.

“Jared d-don’t  c-c-come in.” Evan’s words fell out in one short breath, not bothering to make space between each word. Jared ignored the request and pushed sharply against the wood with his shoulder, shoving his way into Evan’s room.

He wasn’t prepared for the sight of Evan. His shirt was rumpled and damp around the neckline from what Jared assumed was his wiped off tears, his eyes were puffy and red, and most of all, he reeked of alcohol. Jared locked eyes with Evan, letting out a soft gasp. A tense silence passed before Evan heaved a huge breath and dissolved into tears again. Jared stood, frozen, and watched the tears roll down Evan’s face, dripping down his chin and falling onto the carpet.

Jared didn’t know what to do, he wanted to step forward, take Evan in both his arms and just hold him, but he didn’t know if that was the best approach, Evan always flipped whenever he was touched unexpectedly, and Jared did not want a freak out on top of this disaster. Another impulse was to immediately respond with sarcasm,  but that wouldn’t be a good idea either, for Evan doesn’t take criticism well normally, and there was no telling how he’d respond.

“I’m sorry.” Evan mumbled out between tears, sitting down on his bed and putting his head in his hands. He had transitioned into full on sobbing now, his entire body shaking.

“Why?” Jared asked. He hoped he wasn’t being too forward, that his tone wasn’t too biting. Evan still jumped slightly, slowing raising his head to let his watery eyes dart around the room uncertainly. Jared cringed inwardly, hating that his voice always seemed to elicit the same reaction out of Evan.

“I d-don’t wanna t-t-t-talk about it.” he muttered, looking away. Jared hated seeing him like this,  and yet, couldn’t find a way to connect, to calm him down, bring him down, and help him. He looked down, realizing that his feet were still planted firmly to Evan’s carpet.

Now would be a good time to move your ass, he thought, and he awkwardly shuffled to the bed, sitting to the right of Evan. Evan shrunk beside him , trying to escape. From what? Jared asked himself. From him? This was a mistake, he should have just left Evan and let him work whatever this crisis is out himself, he should’ve stayed home. He could’ve finished his Biology homework by now, but he had to come here just to check on Evan. Why? Why did he care, why was he here?

A movement from Evan brought him back into the present, and he watched as he carefully lifted his head out of his hands and wiped his fingers on his shirt. His cheeks were tear stained, and Jared’s heart couldn’t help but break slightly as he was truly close enough to see how much of a mess Evan had become. Jared carefully put his hand in the small of Evans back, hoping that it seemed comforting. The movement had seemed perfect in his mind, but now it seemed awkward, if well-intentioned.

Evan relaxed into it though, and his sobs softened as Jared began rubbing small circles into his back. Jared wasn’t quite sure what to think. Evan seemed so open, so vulnerable, and  Jared’s emotions conflicted inside his brain. He still didn’t know what had set Evan off, and he wished he did: he wanted to give it a strong uppercut to the jaw. Evan sighed loudly, tears still rolling intermissevely down his cheeks.

“Hold me.” He mumbled. Jared froze mid-circle.

“What?” he asked. He couldn’t have heard that correctly.

“N-nothing.” Evan replied. Jared’s brow contorted. He had definitely heard something.

“Evan, I can hold you if you’ll stop fucking crying.” Jared tried. Evan looked at him and sniffed, slowly nodding.

“Please.” he breathed, and Jared sat for a moment, wondering how the hell he was going to do this. He pulled his hand away from Evan’s back and leaned into the corner where the bed met the wall. He was partially supported by a pillow, and he left enough space for Evan to lean beside him. Evan watched until he was situated and them moved, curling up into Jared's form. Jared put an arm around Evan, holding him to his chest. Evan was unbelievably warm, and also reeked of alcohol. Jared wondered how much he had drunk, and also, where he had gotten it, for Heidi wasn’t ever really one to keep alcohol around.

The two sat together like this for some time, and Jared couldn’t help but study the taller boy’s features, for through his tears he could still see the slope of his nose, and the way his bottom lip stuck out farther than his top. Jared thought it was cute, the permanent pout that always graced his features. However, now was not the time to study Evan’s face, instead, he focused on trying to comfort the by that was beside him. He didn’t quite know how to- how do you comfort someone without words? Just give them a comfort vibe?- anything he said always had an unexpected edge, sarcasm from places you’d never expect, and he didn’t want to upset Evan more.

Evan had closed his eyes for the majority of this, his brow still creased. Jared wanted to rub his forehand with his thumb- his mother had always done that to him when he couldn’t sleep- but Evan seemed content where he was, so he instead focused on Evan’s warm body in his arms, and the way his chest rose and fell smoothly as he breathed in and out.

“Evan, do you wanna tell me why you haven’t left your room in days?” he tried for a neutral tone. Evan opened his eyes and blinked, formulating a response.

“It’s stressful- I mean, the whole thing is my fault- but…” he trailed off, studying a spot on the ceiling intensely. Was he talking about The Connor Project? “I guess- I thought I was doing b-better, I thought it was gonna b-be okay.”

“This isn’t what okay is supposed to look like.” Jared could plainly see that. “Aren’t your meds supposed to help with shit like this?”  Evan took a breath, pausing.

“I stopped taking them,” Evan said, not leaving space between his words.

“Evan, what the hell? You’ve been on those same meds since what, eighth grade year? You can’t just not take them, it’ll like, fuck with your brain chemistry and shit!” Jared didn’t know much about medication, but he did know one thing: don’t fuck with your brain.

“I thought I was finally okay! That was finally… I don’t know, normal?” Evan sounded desperate, like he was so close to something that he couldn’t quite grasp. Jared let one of his hands meander to the top of Evan’s head, and he let himself run his fingers through the other’s dirty blonde hair.

“You’re not normal, and that’s okay. Fuck, I’m not normal and that’s just fine with me.” Jared was concerned, but he didn’t want that to be evident in his voice. Evan was starting to calm down, and Jared didn’t want to mess anything up.

“I’m sorry.” Evan breathed, leaning his head into the crook of Jared’s neck. Jared moved his arm upwards, holding Evan tighter. Jared hated that Evan had to beat himself up like this. He had managed to figure out that Evan had just gotten overstimulated and spiraled into something akin to a panic attack, and since he didn’t think taking his meds was a good idea, he had turned to alcohol.

Jared wasn’t going to lie- he had drank with Evan before, but both had been too preoccupied with other things to let something like this happen.

“It’s okay.” Jared murmured soothingly. He knew it wasn’t, but what else was there to say? Evan’s breathing had stabilized, and his eyes had remained shut for quite some time now, and Jared figured it wouldn’t be long before they were both asleep, and he hoped Heidi wouldn’t mind if she found her son asleep in the arms of his best friend.

“I love you.” Evan mumbled, curling into him and letting out a final exhausted breath and, as far as Jared could tell, falling fast asleep. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for Jared, whose eyes, after hearing those three words, had shot open, his mind racing. Was Evan serious? He couldn’t be, he was drunk, and tired, and emotionally exhausted, and couldn’t mean what he just said.

Jared had been trying to put it past himself for years, but he couldn’t deny- he had a thing for Evan Hansen. At first, it had been casual, noticing how beautiful Evan’s eyes were, or appreciating how his bottom lip stuck out farther than his top. But, it had escalated to full on pining through freshman and sophomore year. He had tried to talk himself out of it all of last year, but that had worked just about as well as he expected, and here he was, almost panicking, halfway through senior year.

However, there wasn’t much he could do right now, and he supposed he would just have to face Evan’s words tomorrow. But, for right now, he let himself enjoy Evan in his arms, Evan’s breath against his neck, as he, too, drifted off to sleep.

[tragedy-for-sale]

To Be a Brother

Epilogue

Not actually an epologue cause I still have one more fic but uhh... This is not directly after the last fic, but during another mission

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

General Cody had every chance to turn Rex in, he'd watch the cameras and look to his brother. He really had let himself go... Well, maybe he really just let himself live. He watched Rex through the monitors all alone, locked in the security room, arms crossed as he strosld his chin. He could turn the Rebels in, end this right now, but they'd get Rex, because he wouldn't leave without them. Because, unlike Cody, Rex had honor. Real honor, he still cared. Cody didn't.

Long ago, Cody had locked up his heart, finding pride in the uniform and title he had. Made new friends and a new family. But Rex had an actual family, one that cared for him, one that were willing to risk their lives in attempt to rescue... him. Cody scolded himself, he didn't deserve that, didn't deserve to be come after. He didn't serve Rex's love anymore. Cody wasn't the man he used to be, the version of him that had compassion in his heart, that would die for his brothers. But here Cody was!

He remembered the feeling of Rex's warm hands in his, the sparkle in his little brothers eyes. He had been happy, he had been loved. Cody thanked their maker, they had let him be happy, given him a life. Cody looked at Rex run with the little Bridger boy. The General reached out and touched the monitor, "You're so stupid." Cody mumbled as he looked down to the table. He shook his head, leaning back into the chair as he watched his brother ran up the ship ramp, shooting his way out of here. "Never learning anything."

The General stood up, arms still crossed. He paced back and forth as he remembered their first encounter in over ten years. All this time, all this time, he was alive! And when Cody had the chance to go with him, Cody said no. Because he couldn't swallow his pride and let that argument go. It was that Rex had tried, but his brother's dismissive and rude attitude had broughten everything back up. The dumb bickerment that had ruined their relationship. The stupid, insignificant argument that made brothers hate each other for the next fifteen years. Refusing to forgive each other for something so dumb.

Cody knew if he wasn't so damn stubborn, he'd still have his brother. But he'd ruined any chance of that. It was all his fault, it always was. He'd ruined every relationship he ever had. Cody bit his tongue as he cursed himself. But then he told himself Rex was a traitor, and he deserved to be brought to justice. But everytime Cody tried to comm someone to stop the Rebels, he couldn't do it. He watched his brother kill his men, knowing he could instantly stop him, instantly capture and... And kill him. But he couldn't make the order. He couldn't.

There was a tug in his programming to capture his brother and end this stupid dream Rex was apart. Cody would kill the others without a second thought, but then he'd think about Rex's face, as his family died and he lived. Cody didn't want to hurt Rex like that. Even if... even if they hated each other, Cody couldn't hurt Rex, no. Even if they didn't love each other or considered themselves brothers, even if they told themselves they weren't care if the other died every night, it wasn't true. They could lie to themselves and tell the other those lies and convince themselves they believed it, but they didn't. They still loved each other after all this time, they couldn't hate each other even if they told themselves a thousand times.

No, Cody didn't hate Rex, he never had and never would. He missed him, Cody missed his little brother more than anything in the galaxy. He wished he hadn't been so terrible to Rex. He wished he could tell Rex he still loved him, but now he'd never get the chance. He told Rex to leave him, to forget about him and never give him another thought. But even if they would never really forget about the other,

They'd sure act like they had

◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

|| Tag List ||

@ct7567329 @a-lil-perspective @mageofcole @advcntura @crying-at-ikea @stuckyjacos @lena-ravenhart @crahsystor

[storyblcd]

‘ did it really happen if i can’t remember it ? ’ ( sunny @ wang yeo )

»»————“You might have forgotten, but YOUR SOUL - remembers. Past or present - this ILL FATE that binds us together - there must be a reason for it.” If he had been almost sure before - he is sure now.The Gods have always been CLEVER. There’s a reason he became Kim Shin’s tennant. A reason he met her on the bridge that day, when THAT RING resurfaced in both their lives. A reason when he had seen her the tears had come, running in rivers down his face, the same tears when he had seen the PORTRAIT of Kim Sun, smiling out at the world in old, cracked paint. In truth - there could only be one reason. Even his second life as a GRIM REAPER - all of it had been for one purpose. This is the only thing he has left to give to the love he betrayed, and the friend he had thrown away. This is the only thing he can offer Sunny and HER BROTHER - to give them only their happiest, shining memories - to erase himself from the narrative of their pasts, their present, their futures - both blessing and punishment.  

Dark eyed gaze is gentle as it falls upon her face, glassy with tears. “Do you WANT to remember?” 

@tatterdhearts / poetry 

[rapscallicns-blog]

open;

There were days when he wished everyone else would mind their own business, and days when he was the biggest hypocrite alive.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t do it like that. A bump is too obvious. Shoulders brushing, better. Then you just - “ Ilya cut off at the other person’s stare, pursing his lips. “...That is, of course, not to say that I’ve picked pockets before. I did not just give you advice on....how to pick pockets. Nope. Not at all.”

[9km-archive-blog]

hello there miss hyyh era nice to have you back x

[windandwater]

Everybody stop what you’re doing we need to talk about

Title/Author: Sorcerer to the Crown & The True Queen by Zen Cho

Semi-spoilers under the cut (they’re kind of vague and I avoid the big ones).

(If you’ve read this one, feel free to come yell with me about it in the replies, messages, or my ask box! Open invitation!)

It’s Diverse Yo: The first book has POC characters & deals with themes of economic & racial disparity & imperialism & sexism in Fantasy Victorian England. The second book has all of the above as well as a f/f romance and Fantasy Malaysia.

Book Description: Fantasy Victorian England magic and dragons and fairyland (more accurately, The Gentry)  + what I said above listen go read the summaries for these books, I cannot sum them up in my own words.

Me Rambling:

Here is. THE THING. About these books. Zen Cho is a hell of a storyteller. At no point did I have any damn idea where either of these books were going, but I was grateful to be along for the ride.

Sometimes when an author jumps somewhere that I don’t expect to go, it can be jarring/disorienting, or annoying: but I want to go back to where we were and find out what’s happening with that thing! I have to force myself to trust the author.

Not so with these books. Even if I had no idea why she was doing what she was doing, I was immediately fascinated by the new plot wrinkle. I trusted her instinctively, because every new thing she did was so interesting and creative.

She doesn’t pull any emotional punches. The first book features a character, Zacharias, who was born a slave and bought/freed from slavery by a rich white couple. His parents were not bought, though they probably could have been. He has complicated feelings about this--and they are dealt with. He is thrust into a public position that he does not want and that makes life very difficult for him (because racism, and yes that’s putting it mildly) out of a sense of obligation and yes, love, to them, but it’s very hard and doesn’t suit him. That is also dealt with.

The other main character in the first book, Prunella, is half Indian, being raised as an orphan in a boarding house, and is only treated well until she’s of no more use to the woman who owns it. But Prunella is a fucking delight and is having none of that so she immediately runs away? With Zacharias? But in a friend way? Like hey teach me magic and help me get married to someone rich. Hijinks ensue.

She is a fucking incredible foil to Zacharias’s angst mcangst journey, not that he & his dead ghost guardian aren’t justified (he has it pretty rough, as it turns out. Prunella just kind of approaches life with a very “well I’ll fix it then” approach this is, like I said, delightful--but unusual!).

Oh also women aren’t allowed to practice magic so in this boarding school for magical girls they’re using a spell that’s a form of torture to repress their magical abilities which horrifies Zacharias and everyone else is fine with it look this book has a LOT to say and it says it very well, with delightful characters. There’s a dragon who’s a total fop and gay for his best friend but it doesn’t resolve until the second book. You should 100% read the second book.

In the second book, two girls wash up on the Malaysian coast with no memories except the knowledge that they are sisters, are found by a witch (who is also a delight) who tells them that one of them is under a curse that means she has no heart and has lost her magic--they should both have magic, but only one does. They manage to get in trouble with the ruler of the country, who has beef with said witch because he’s trying to use the British government to squash his political enemies and she’s like you dumbass they are imperial fucksticks.

So to avoid this trouble (I won’t get into the details, you’ll have to read it) she sends them off to Prunella to take care of it but on the way one of the sisters is kidnapped by fairies so the other one has to pretend to be magical with the help of a demon and get her heart back and also rescue her sister from the fairies and it turns out [SPOILER REDACTED BUT IT’S A GOOD ONE THERE ARE SEA SERPENTS INVOLVED] and gay shit happens and it all works out.

Did I mention there are dragons? There are dragons who also take human form. And write bad poetry. In prison. And are sick of their own bad poetry.

THESE BOOKS ARE VERY GOOD.

Every character is a delight. Every plot point is a delight. Every important thing this book has to say is said well & in a new and exciting way. I never wanted either of these stories to end except that the endings were also very good.  They were fun all the way through and there’s very few books I can say that about.

[swxrnscrts]

open to: m/f/nb plot: angsty mcangst angst

          “-- you used to be my home, but you’ve become my prison,” frankie found herself looking at the other, eyes practically pleading for her own words to be proven wrong. the sad truth, however, was that there was little hope they would be. 

[openheartfanfics]

Rafael Averio

F!MC

Angst

One Shots

AU

Crack

Fluff

Domestic Bliss

Marriage & Partnership

Edits & Text Fics

Series

Mini and Extended Series

Smut & NSFW

Tropes

And they Broke Up

And they go on a Date

And they were Drunk

And there was a bit of Hurt/Comfort

And one of them has an Illness/Injury

And they realize they’re In Love

And they think they’re ‘Just Friends’

And one of them was Jealous

And one idiot Leaves Town

And then Someone Died

And they’re with Someone Else

And they were Soulmates

M!MC

Rafael x Bryce

_

SUBMIT OPEN HEART FICS & WRITERS HERE

All fics should have a summary section and categorized as Angst, Fluff, Smut or part of a Series!

[littlefreya]

freya honey, i'm having trouble finding enough angsty henry content here. do you have any suggestions?? anything will do. i'm just really in the mood for some angsty mcangst

Hey cookie, 

Honestly, I didn’t write Henry related angst, all my stories about him tend to be happy. :B

But from what I can think about @wondersofdreaming had Sadness which was rather angsty. 

Perhaps other writers or readers can chip in and recommend some angsty stories :) 

[flowcrsoul]

WISHLIST  :    As angst queen mcangst angst, I really need a Unhealthy Relationship Dynamic where our muses are in a relationship, but Muse A is in it because Muse B reminds them of someone they used to love, and Muse B knows this, but they’re in it for the illusion of being loved, and they both actually care about the other person and feel bad about the mutual use but are also willing to play the part/are almost content with just playing the part and it’s not necessarily e i t h e r of their faults it just sucks.    open to basically anyone.

[angelicthor]

Omg im dying for dillion dollar man right now!!! I feel the angst snake comming. Angsty McAngst is on its way isnt it?? ... 🐍🔫 leave my stupid clueless babies alone angst snek

ahh thank you!! i mean your not wrong, there’s a few moments of angst throughout it ngl so you better prepare yourself tbh 

im gonna be a lil a lot mean to them #sorrynotsorry 

bdm - part 11

[ao3feed-samjack]

Dichotomy of Exhaustion

read it on the AO3

by crowdedangels

She stirred the little red straw around the glass, the melting ice watering down the dark liquor.

Words: 742, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Stargate SG-1

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M

Relationships: Samantha "Sam" Carter/Jack O'Neill

Additional Tags: Angsty McAngst-Angst

read it on the AO3